NationStates Jolt Archive

One time I was in an american history class, and we were talking about how all the nations have nukes now, and one girl chimes in "Why don't they just give us all the weapons? I mean, everyone knows that we only want peace." I shit you not.

Another kid just recently, when we were talking about censorship issues, said "Lets outlaw TV." with a straight face. I later found out that he didn't know the meaning of the word "Theocracy."

Anything utterly naive and/or stupid you've heard a classmate say?

I've heard a teacher say once "You aren't allowed to have an opinion conflicting with mine in this class!", which gave me a chuckle.
"This class is not the place for opinions!" was the response.

Wow.

After an hour of the teacher talking about "podsol" and other soils, this really dumb girl who actually seemed to be paying attention raises her hand and says:

"What is podsol?"

Poor thing, got laughed out of the classroom.

"I ain't ignorance." Said by a student in response to the teacher's comment that he should be enthusiastic about learning to avoid growing up ignorant.

From the stereotypical airhead girl (nothing against women, you all know I respect them, but I'm sure youve met one of these edit: yes there are airheaded men too)

'The States... is just like, a whole other country!'

Ummm... yeah.
I felt like patting her on the shoulder while crying. :(

This happened in a college class my friend was in -- it was a biology class.

They were talking about ocean life.



"So," one student said, "what about the orgasms that live on the bottom of the ocean?"

The professor said, "What?"

"The orgasms... the orgasms that live on the bottom of the ocean!"


Complete silence.

Then the professor said, quietly, "Do you mean the ORGANISMS that live on the bottom of the ocean?"

The student nearly died on the spot when she realized what she'd been saying.

My freshman year in high school a girl asked a teacher, "If God lives in space why don't the astronauts see him when they look out the window." He just stared at her and then went on to the next question. She got really angry that he didn't answer her question.

This happened in a college class my friend was in -- it was a biology class.

They were talking about ocean life.



"So," one student said, "what about the orgasms that live on the bottom of the ocean?"

The professor said, "What?"

"The orgasms... the orgasms that live on the bottom of the ocean!"


Complete silence.

Then the professor said, quietly, "Do you mean the ORGANISMS that live on the bottom of the ocean?"

The student nearly died on the spot when she realized what she'd been saying.


HAHAHAHAhehehehehehehehehehehecoughchokedieressurect
oh dear god.

HAHAHAHAhehehehehehehehehehehecoughchokedieressurect
oh dear god.
What, you didn't know orgasms live at the bottom of the ocean?
:confused:

I was shocked when I found out that there are people who actually dont know who Ghandi was.

I was shocked when I found out that there are people who actually dont know who Ghandi was.
There was someone in my US History class in high school that though Martin Luther King Jr. and Martin Luther were the same guy.

Sorry, I have to post another one. In my fluid dynamics class, we were mapping the elemental forces within a centrifugal pump and one poor girl kept mapping the pressure in the wrong direction. She tried to tell the teacher that he was the one who was getting it wrong (repeatedly she stated this despite his better efforts to tell her otherwise) - well, he took offense to that and his response was pure gold:

'You mean to tell me, that if I were standing here and had a hose hooked up to this pump, with fluid coming out of it at you, that it would draw you towards me? Are you just really thirsty? Maybe we should stop so you can get a drink and then I can continue with my lecture.'

She started crying. It was one of the meanest things ever - just the way he said it, like he was talking to a two year old. But then, at the level we were at in fluid dynamics, getting that wrong would have been like a high school student not being able to spell his own name.

after spending a month talking about the build up of the October Revolution - all of the time talking about St. Petersberg and never once mentioning Moscow - one particularly slow student puts his hand up:
teacher: "yes?"
student: "did all this happen in Moscow?"

the kid got an A....

Poli-Sci101, teacher brings up Darfur.

Student:What's going on in Darfur?
Me: Sudan? Genocide?
Student: Oh, that's i nthe middle east, though, we don't need t ocare about that.

I saw a poster about Harvard University that said, "It is the oldest college in the history of the world of the USA." It also said, "Harvard is 400 arces long and is full of frats."

A few years back I could have given you some quotes that really are priceless, in a depressing sort of way. But I forgot them, and I have since been moved up from those ignoramuses.

I was shocked when I found out that there are people who actually dont know who Ghandi was.
Gandhi, not Ghandi. The word Ghandi means "dirt or filth" if I recall.

This was just two days after Bush's inaugeration (sp?). Our teacher was about to show us it, and was explaining about it. A girl in my class said something rather stupid, and I broke out laughing at my friend's response.

Girl: You mean he was already elected?

Boy: (Insert Girl's Name here), Can you just go like this; Stupid, stupid stupid.

I have another:
Student: "Hey, where's France?"
Me: "**Stuned Silence**."

Some more:
"Why should I want freedom anyway?" in History of the US
"Err, what's seven squared?" in pre-calculus. The student couldn't do any of the math, and had problems with multiplication. I have no idea how he got into the class.
"Chlorophyll is a number, right?" in Intro to Biochem.

I have one that was from an argument. It wasn't said in class, but if it had been, he would have been laughed out of physics class.

"Mirrors don't reflect light. They just change color to reflect what is in front of them."

Once a student in my classroom and my teacher were discussing the movie Fahrenheite 9/11 and the student actually said "but they can't put it in movies if it isn't true."

I'm not trying tp open an arguement about micheal moore or anything but I haven't heard spmeone say somethin' like that since kindergarten.

The one that I recall at the moment was something the other day out of Poly-Sci 211 (International Relations) class:

"What's the difference between NATO and the UN?"

Even worse, when I quipped:

"The UN is what NATO bails out when they try to do something," only the teacher laughed. Maybe it just wasn't that funny. . .

My freshman year in high school a girl asked a teacher, "If God lives in space why don't the astronauts see him when they look out the window." He just stared at her and then went on to the next question. She got really angry that he didn't answer her question.
lol thats friggen hilarious same with the orgasms one lol :D

In careers class someone said: "i like animals, so I wwant to be a vegetarian"

this wasnt in class but once me and a friend were talking and i used the word apparently in a sentance and some guys that didnt like us were like wtf? aparrently wtf is that durdurdurdurdur... it was pretty funny actually... :D

A kid once made this claim in English class:
"Stupid is not a word!"
Same kid repeatedly pronounced "chassis" as "alibi", and used it that way, even though the two words look absolutely nothing alike.

Sad bit is he passed and I failed...
:(

What, you didn't know orgasms live at the bottom of the ocean?
that's where they are hiding ;) (i hope my fiancee isn't reading this)[/SIZE]

Me: What do you think about the idea of America providing aid to Palestine?
J: I think it's wrong because it'll start a nuclear war with India.

Me: Pro or Con corporal punishment?
J: Ohh no, against corporal punishment, too many people who are killed because of corporal punishment end up being innocent.

I had this one teacher that rambled a lot. One time was particularly bad, when she combined rambling with an excuse:
"So my dog got his manhood removed, and then was crying a lot, so I couldn't grade papers."

I had another teacher who would randomly tell us about her Acura, and how one time it got in a flood and survived, and then about how trucks crashed into it, and a bunch of other stuff.

Then she got pneumonia and we got another rambling teacher, but this one was actually interesting. One of his stories:
"So me and my fiance were in France one summer. We wanted to go to Paris, but ran out of money and so decided to hitchhike. I had a nice knife, so I went out looking for a box to make a sign out of. I found one, started cutting it, and then heard a yell. There was a homeless guy inside of it." Must be pretty creepy to see a long knife appear out of the side of the box you're living in.

Classmates haven't said anything good, they're all boring. Their idea of a good comeback is "Excuse me, was I talking to you?"

In university I had a lecturere who was explaining the difference between sense and reference, as an example of a true statement he wrote this on the board:

Neil Armstrong was the first man in space.

Silence from class as he whittered on about this 'true' statement for about two minutes, until the mumbling started. Finally someone raised their voice and said 'No, he wasn't'.

The lecturer then turned and looked at what he had written, shrugged and grabbed the board eraser. He then rewrote his statement so that it was actually 'true'.

John Glenn was the first man in space.

Cue groans from the lecture hall and the sound of heads hitting desks in exasperation.

There is a very very very special girl in my US History class that really needed to be aborted. She's not the type that is memorably stupid, she's the beyond help ditz type that exudes stupidity to the point of wanting to beat her to death. The worst 2 weeks I had with her was a stretch of three classes (classes every other day), where, each time Harriet Beecher Stowe was mentioned, she'd never EVER fail to mention "I'm doing a report on her" (as we were doing biographies of people as a class project). She did this on 5 consecutive occasions, sometimes twice in one class, and I damn near strangled her to death / killed myself.

Anyways, a good quote was:

"Cars were a source of economy for colonists in New England...right?"

When my AP Biology class was learning to take blood pressure for a lab we were doing, the instructer asked us where we could find a pulse t put the BP cuff around, she promptly rose her hand and said the neck.

When my AP Biology class was learning to take blood pressure for a lab we were doing, the instructer asked us where we could find a pulse t put the BP cuff around, she promptly rose her hand and said the neck.
Should have let her try it, Natural Selection in action!

Should have let her try it, Natural Selection in action!
I so wanted to, as a matter of fact I still do.

When my AP Biology class was learning to take blood pressure for a lab we were doing, the instructer asked us where we could find a pulse t put the BP cuff around, she promptly rose her hand and said the neck.
Wow. That's actually really funny.

When my AP Biology class was learning to take blood pressure for a lab we were doing, the instructer asked us where we could find a pulse t put the BP cuff around, she promptly rose her hand and said the neck.
That reminds me of this:
http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html
Click on the one entitled "Kavorkian Scarf" (grr, misspelling...)

"Oh, sad is the world... but I have Kevorkian scarf..."

Those of you that haven't already watched this webtoon should. The episode entitled "Eye Stigmata" is a really good one as well as this one.

One day in my US History to 1877 class, we were working together to study for a test about the American Revolution. This guy I don't know and I go over to sit next to the other two girls in our row, and, when we get there, one asks what we're studying. I tell her that it's the revolutionary war. She nods and says "Oh yeah, I think I remember that. What was it again?" I try to hide my eye rolling and say "War against britain, independence, george washington. That war." She nods and goes "Ahhhh, I remember that!"

Then she asks me one more question. Keep in mind this is a COLLEGE class.

"So... did we win?"

The other girl just sat there with a :confused: look on her face. They got angry when the other guy and I laughed, very hard, and he said "No, England won. This is an English accent, and I'm from North Dakota, England." I don't think I'll ever forget that...

Another time, I said I'd dodge the draft, because there wouldn't be a way for me to be a CO. I jokingly said 'And anyways, who'd want t ogive ME a gun? I'd probably do more harm than good!'.

Student: Are you insulting the hardworking soldiers in Iraq? Go wear your panties with pride up in Canada!
(I actually thought he did a good one with the panties comment there)

Yet another time.

"Democracy is using the Democratic process."

Too many to type them.

That reminds me of this:
http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html
Click on the one entitled "Kavorkian Scarf" (grr, misspelling...)

"Oh, sad is the world... but I have Kevorkian scarf..."

Those of you that haven't already watched this webtoon should. The episode entitled "Eye Stigmata" is a really good one as well as this one.
Seen that one, I've dubbed her queen of the Kavorkian scarf. I must admit that it is hilarious though

There is this one stupid kid in some of my Honors classes. He usually sleeps the whole class or comes in late part way through and he gets away with it. He is noted throughout the school for doing very dumb things.

About two weeks ago, we were learning about fluid flux in my honors physics course (which he spells psychics). During the lesson, the Greek letter capital phi (spelling?) was introduced. Half way through the class period, he suddenly scream out, "Oh, my God, what is that?!" Everyone looked around and said, "What?" He was pointing at the Greek letter on the white board. He was told what it was, and thereafter proceded to stare at it for a few minutes.

After these few minutes had gone by, he raised his hand to ask a question. When the teacher called on him he honestly asked, "So, what does a capital six look like?" To this, the teacher replied, "I guess just like a lower case six... only bigger." The scarriest part is, this "student" has asked far dumber questions, and he is in honors classes.

Lol...worst moment ever was in geography class....back in like 8th grade I think. I'll never forget it.

"Name a country in Africa"

"******"

"What?"

"******"

"No that's Niger..."

"No I'm pretty sure it's pronounced ******"

"No...it's pronounced NY-GERE"

"Sure looks like ****** to me"

"Well it's not...name another one"

"That one there...Niggeria"

i've witnessed some pretty stupid shit in school, but even funnier shit out of school when me and some friends were drunk. these are some of my favorite quotes from rockin' out, aka 'the world according to drunk people.'

-"Where's the ssssssssoap???"

-"I'm going backwards now. Don't tell the backwards police!"

-"Dude, what if we could get on the roof?"
"The roof's a nazi."
"Man, I fucking hate Nazis."

-"I'm on the fucking moon!"

funnier if you're there, funny as hell if you're annihilated. ;)

Lol...worst moment ever was in geography class....back in like 8th grade I think. I'll never forget it.

"Name a country in Africa"

"******"

"What?"

"******"

"No that's Niger..."

"No I'm pretty sure it's pronounced ******"

"No...it's pronounced NY-GERE"

"Sure looks like ****** to me"

"Well it's not...name another one"

"That one there...Niggeria"

lmfao :p

In a US history class in Navy bootcamp " What countries fought in the Civil War?"

In a philosophy class in college Discussing Aristotilian physics(insert sitcomesque southern twang, really) "Well I think Aristotle was a dipshit." He failed the class.

Another gem:
"Hey guys, the cafeteria isn't for food!"

i've witnessed some pretty stupid shit in school, but even funnier shit out of school when me and some friends were drunk. these are some of my favorite quotes from rockin' out, aka 'the world according to drunk people.'

-"Where's the ssssssssoap???"

-"I'm going backwards now. Don't tell the backwards police!"

-"Dude, what if we could get on the roof?"
"The roof's a nazi."
"Man, I fucking hate Nazis."

-"I'm on the fucking moon!"

funnier if you're there, funny as hell if you're annihilated. ;)

Lol...I didn't even stop to think of drunk quotes....I was going on sober ones. Hmmm...lets see...

"Man I'm hungry for some pizza"
"Dude...you don't eat pizza"
"Fuck man...what was I thinking?"

"Whatcha lookin at?"
"...the moon..."
"What about it?"
"I want it"
"Why?"
"I'm horny..."

"This beer tastes like shit..."
"I wonder if shit tastes like beer?"

"Man...I'm fucked wasted..."
"HAHAHAHAHAHA"
"What?"
"I'm naked"
"No you're not"
"...damn"

This one was a few months ago. We were discussing faults of the British in the Revolutionary war, and a girl in my class said "They misunderestimated us." Afterwards, me and a few friends, whenever she spoke, blurted out things that had Bushisms in them, like "Oh, did they forget poland too?" These occured frequently as she talks way too much and says various stupid things. Talking about the war of 1812, "Is that the war where we fought the south?" (Keep in mind this is Mass, so a lot of people refer to the North as us when discussing the Civil War).

Lol...I didn't even stop to think of drunk quotes....I was going on sober ones. Hmmm...lets see...

"Man I'm hungry for some pizza"
"Dude...you don't eat pizza"
"Fuck man...what was I thinking?"

"Whatcha lookin at?"
"...the moon..."
"What about it?"
"I want it"
"Why?"
"I'm horny..."

"This beer tastes like shit..."
"I wonder if shit tastes like beer?"

"Man...I'm fucked wasted..."
"HAHAHAHAHAHA"
"What?"
"I'm naked"
"No you're not"
"...damn"

Story time. So I'm out drinking with some people, we go to Taco Bell, 3 take their pants off in response to "No shirt no shoes no service" (one of my friends gets "bright" ideas). They threaten to call the cops, we run, and when we're a good bit away, the guy whose idea it was to go to Taco Bell and to take his shorts off says, in all seriousness "Wanna go to Taco Bell?"

Lol...I didn't even stop to think of drunk quotes....I was going on sober ones. Hmmm...lets see...

"Man I'm hungry for some pizza"
"Dude...you don't eat pizza"
"Fuck man...what was I thinking?"

"Whatcha lookin at?"
"...the moon..."
"What about it?"
"I want it"
"Why?"
"I'm horny..."

"This beer tastes like shit..."
"I wonder if shit tastes like beer?"

"Man...I'm fucked wasted..."
"HAHAHAHAHAHA"
"What?"
"I'm naked"
"No you're not"
"...damn"

lmfao dude those are quality. especially the shit-beer one lol :p

During sex education in fifth grade: "What is sex?"
In my 8th grade history class: "What is a revolution?"
Stupid science girl: "Why do we need science when God tells us everything?"

I got one. I got put in a group with this really truly stupid girl in my US History class. Every group had to do a report on one of the original colonies and my group drew Delaware. She then promptly asked me where Delaware was. I said that it was in the East. She then says,"So, Delaware is in Florida?" I couldn't stop laughing for like, 15 minutes and my group got pissed at me because we had to work. This girl also thought that California was an original colony.

"why would they bury john lennon in russia?"

I heard tales of a girl in a French class who, when discussing the EU, asked "Why don't we join the European Union?" Keep in mind this is in Arizona. In the US. Unquestionably non-European territory.

The power in my school went out during class once, promptly turning off the lights and overhead projector. Some girl in the room looks at her wrist and says, "Oh my gosh, my watch still works!"

:headbang:

(This is paraphrased, incidentally, as it happened over a year ago. But it still amuses.)

The topic under discussion was the infamous Haymarket Square Riot of 1886, which occurred in Chicago.

My AP U.S. History Teacher: ....in 1893, John Altgeld, the governor of Illinois, pardoned three of [those convicted].
My best friend, in an unusual bout of cluelessness: Why did the governor of Illinois pardon them? Didn't it happen in Chicago?
I give my best friend a horrified look.
My history teacher: Uh...yeah? And?
A few uncomfortable seconds pass.
My history teacher: Chicago's....in Illinois?
My best friend: Oh, right.
Me *in horror*: How the heck did you not know that?

This happened in a college class my friend was in -- it was a biology class.

They were talking about ocean life.



"So," one student said, "what about the orgasms that live on the bottom of the ocean?"

The professor said, "What?"

"The orgasms... the orgasms that live on the bottom of the ocean!"


Complete silence.

Then the professor said, quietly, "Do you mean the ORGANISMS that live on the bottom of the ocean?"

The student nearly died on the spot when she realized what she'd been saying.

:D

I gotta confess i almost laughed by a*s of when we were checking our Finnish exams and in an "add capitals and commas" part there was word "tennessee". Then a girl in our class started whining about she getting a bad result for it because she didn't put a capital in Tennessee. Poor bastard...

While not stupid, I had a physics prof that was usually good for a laugh. Once, we were talking about electricity. Electic current is symbolised by the letter I. The imaginary number (squareroot(-1) and often used in electrical equations) is i. In a few places, he unintentionally used i instead of I. A friend of mine asked him which i's were supposed to be i's or I's. In response, he put this up on the board:
i=I except where i=squareroot(-1)

His other good one was, "The possiblities are mindless."

My personal favorite is a kid in my spanish class... Spanish, mind you.
So, we're doing an essay, and he askes "So, like, can we write this in english?"
And he was being serious.

Truly classic story of stupidity:

In freshman high school biology we were discussing the AIDS virus. The teacher then mentioned that chlorine, like in bleach, kills the virus. A girl then proceeds to ask,

"Why don't people with AIDS drink bleach?"

In a geography class:

"Oh my god, Japan's an island!?"

Me: I... don't understand
Friend: Yes you do

o.O

(Different) friend: I'm always right
Me: Oh yeah? Well I'm always TRUE! No, wait... damnit

I'm usually busy designing toys that will eventually make me a billionaire instead of paying attention in classes, so I don't have any quotes from in them.

Ooooh, once I talked my friend into inserting the line "THE CHEESE MIDGETS ARE COMING, RUN FOR THE HILLS" into the second-last paragraph of one of her history essays. We were testing the theory that her teacher only read the first and last paragraphs of essays. He handed it back; she got an A; there was no comment on her apparent insanity (which was actually mine... she was just borrowing it).

Ooh, I have a couple. Probably can think of more later.

Random girl: "My auntie had an ear erection once..."

Me: "You're not making sense..."
Friend: "I'm making perfect sense! You just don't understand me!"

Random loudmouth in Politics class: "Iran is an important American ally..."
(to which I had a pretty cool out-of-character random STFU type response.)

Hehe i have 2 quotes that i can think of off the top of my head but i might come back with more later... (bear in mind these comments were both from one guy)

"Hey, how do you spell "lit" again???"

and

"I just had a mental blank... what colour is orange???"

Teacher: That map is over 150 years old.
Friend: Then get a new one.

Teacher: Why do I always raise my voice in this class?
Friend: Because your always yelling at us?

Our bus almost hits a very expensive looking car, the car stops infront of us, the driver gets out, yells at the bus driver for a bit then goes and gets back in his car.
Friend: Go back to New York(loudly)

See my signature.

I have some stupid friends.

Forgetting the classmates lets pick on the teachers. My former world history teacher.

"The Romans used concrete?"

Girl in English class: How do you spell GCSE?

Teacher: So these are examples of things that are what we call 'fiction' and some of these are what we call 'non fiction'. In your groups, please work out which is which. Let's try one together, first. Robin Hood, is he fiction or non fiction?
Boy: Well, I think he must be fake 'cause how can a fox steal from people?

Poor guy. He'd only ever seen the Disney version.

English Teacher: You have to include three things. 1, the influence of the witches. b, the influence of Macbeth's ambition, and finally, the influence of lady Macbeth.
Boy: Can you not count or do you just not know the alphabet?

In Biology...
Friend: Hey... Look, 'Boobs' has an arse in it!

In PSE...
Teacher: What do you think about capital punishment in schools?

Same teacher: Well, apparently, boys prefered the cane to detention. Why is this?
Friend: 'Cause they're kinky.

In Drama, of the play 'Stags and Hens'
Teacher: The female scenes are brilliant. I mean, womens' toilets are like a whole other world! It's like a whole cultural experience, dripping with social activity.

I once had a friend turn to me and say:
What colour is orange?

I once had a friend turn to me and say:
What colour is orange?
It's good to see that kids are still getting high during school.


"Duude, I can hear the colors!"

There was an incredibly thick girl in my history class. The things she said were earth-shatteringly dull. Once she asked if onions grew on trees.

I've probably heard a lot of stupid things but managed to blank most of them out. This one, however, will stay with me forever:

"I thought the universe started when Jesus Christ was born."

One time in my physics class the professor was talking about a method of modelling magnetic force ( i think, i've kind of forgotten it all now ) called the poynting vector:

Prof: I'm not a great lover.... ...... ..... (we all try to contain our laughter) ..... .... of the poynting vector.

In chemistry back in secondary school a girl ate the result of our experiment despite the warning from the teacher at the start of the class that "you will be making a blue, highly toxic substance".

:confused:

Basic I.T. Keyskills class (what a bloody waste of time that was but....)

My mate is sitting at a computer when WinWord crashes: Stupid f*****g Microsoft. So wish i could force Bill Gates to make a good programme at gun point....(general swearing)

Ditzy pretend blonde: Why do you want to make Bill Gates do it?

My mate: Cause he's the head of the company that writes this piece of software.

Ditzy pretend blonde: Don't be stupid, he plays for manchester united....

(stunned silence as 20 computer students look at her)

Ditzy pretend blonde: .... doesn't he?

Scary thing is...the ditzy pretend blonde got into Oxford... :confused:

On the first day of school this year, all of us students had to go to the auditorium to listen to what kind of b.s. rules the school made up this year.

While talking about discipline our principal said, "we are very stiff" about a dozen times

Forgetting the classmates lets pick on the teachers. My former world history teacher.

I thought the Romans invented concrete, or so Adam Hart-Davis says.

When going over the qualifications for President of the United States, upon hearing that you cant become president if born in another country, a girl asked, "That's not fair.... Isn't he presdent of the world though?"

I spit my pencil halfway across the room :eek: !!!

I thought the Romans invented concrete, or so Adam Hart-Davis says.

Indeed they did, visit the wonderful Roman Concrete (http://www.romanconcrete.com/) for more info...the wonders of google!

Once when I was in 7th grade, and this is a true story, I had the stupidest thing ever said to anybody occur in my Language Arts classroom.
My teacher, who I admit was a little bit crazy, was talking about how one time while on a flight to Washington, her plane had to drop 4,000 feet to avoid two oncoming planes. (this may have been an exaggeration) But none-the-less, that was her story.
Now this girl, who wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, sat about two rows in front of me, so I knew if anybody were to ask a question it would be her. So she raised her hand, and the teacher seeing this immediatly avoided eye contact with the girl. But since no one had the IQ of a pile of rocks, she had to call on the girl. And here is how the next few seconds went:

"Miss?!"
"Yes?"
"Miss, did you die?"
(ten seconds of quiet while everyone takes in the question, and loses about 25 points from their IQ for jsut being in the room. I'm sure others within a 2 mile radius lost some as well but less.)
(everybody laughing, I almost pissed myself)
"Umm, no, no I did not."

I've always found the word "tangential" to be an strange sounding word. Anyway, I once had a physics professor who always found a reason to say tangential an inordinant number of times in class. It got to the point that buddies and I started taking bets on how many times he would say it in each lecture. It was usually 30 to 40 times a class.

Another physics teacher in lab was trying to write notes at the top of his tall blackboard. He had been standing on top of a barstool to reach that height and would just scoot his barstool a little bit at a time by shifting his weight rather than just get down and moving it. At one point he hit rough tile and couldn't scoot any further. To which he blurted out, "My stool is stuck!". The sad thing is that only one person started laughing right away, but after he repeated it half laughing the rest of us in lab got laughing pretty hard.

Once my AP Chem teacher was organizing a field trip and wanted ideas for food options on ther road. One student suggested Diamonds, a high class strip joint the teacher had never heard of. All the guys in class endorsed this idea. The look on the teachers face the next day after he had a chance to call the place was priceless.

I think the most stupid thing that I've head a classmate say was when we were discussing nationality. He put his hand up and said "miss, what nationality are we?" to which she responded; "well, Scottish whiskey comes from Scotland, doesn't it? And we live in Scotland, so what nationality are we? "

"Whiskey?" was the answer.


That made me laugh.

Well this one time, about two years ago, my good friend and I were sitting in the class room and listening to a tape and he started to talk to me about the teacher, she was really hot, and after a litle while the teacher turned the tape off and my friend did not notice I guess and kept on talking.
You know how when that happens the teacher sometimes stops the lesson and looks at the person who is talking and waits for them to notice and then shut up? Yeah, well that is what happend but not until he had utterd the final words, I'd like to F**K her hard ,(literally) in a surprisingly loud voice.
I will never forget his face when he noticed that every single peson in the room was looking at him and the teacher.
I and every person in the room except the teacher and my friend shed tears of laughter. I have never laught so hard, I thought I was going to die there and then. I still laugh when I think about it.
It was, I guess, a 'you had to be there' moment but I hope you can imagine how it was.

Almost every single assignment we were given in my French class last year, one or more male members of the class asked whether or not we could write it in English. Oh yeah, and nobody in that class but me knew how to spell "rhinoceros." Ridiculous, no?

This was in maths. The question was how big the chance is to throw 3 sixes with 3 dice.

"It's 50%"
"What?"
"Either you do, or you don't. 50%"

While in Geography Class back in seventh grade my teacher pointed to a young bright eyed lad and said "Matt, name an island"

Matt:"How would I know, I've never been on an island"

At the point every kid is trying to keep from laughing at him as the teacher sits back down absolutely stunned.

What makes this really sad is that the kid just got back from a trip to Hawaii.

"The best types of government are dictatorships and theocracies"
-A Neo-Nazi in my grade

His other good one was, "The possiblities are mindless."

You have reminded me of one from one of my lecturers:

"...running around squawking like headless chickens..."


Another one which I have to say perturbed me was when I was doing my MA and the lecturer was doing some digression concerned with plotting locations in striated space...

"So I can lift my right arm", lecturer lifts left arm, "...and move it about in space, we can either plot this as an absolute location in striated space, or as a relative position comparing where my right arm is compared to, say, my heart..." continues to wave left arm as if demonstrating the point.

While talking about discipline our principal said, "we are very stiff" about a dozen times

In an assembly in school we were warned about those nefarious people who would 'lead us into bondage'. Much puerile entertainment followed.

*Dead on floor, grin plastered on his face*

:D

This is 2 or 3 years ago, in the cafeteria, so it's going to be paraphrased but:

Boy: I'm very proud of my race.
Girl: What is your race, anyway?
Boy: (Proudly) Higgenbotham!

I fell out of my seat laughing!

BTW: Anyone else ever jump in front of a car in a parking lot and yell at the top of their lungs, "DON'T RUN OVER ME!"? :p

One time in grade 8, a really stupid classmate of mine was presenting a geography project on the Great Barrier Reef, and referred to it as a "living orgasm".

Classic...

Geometry class, the teacher was explaining something, then a girl said:

"What does congruent mean?"

Or in History. The ditzy blonde in our class asked who won the Civil War, my friend (to be an asshole) said the following:

"Who won the war?"

"The south."

"Okay."

Note, we have five blacks in the class... she failed her midterm.

Oh, but my favorite one is this. It was during Biology. I'll let the text speak.

Black girl: I didn't know black people couldn't sit with white people in the 60s.
Me: And then you wonder why black people were enslaved.

*Class shuts up*

While watching a video about mummies:

"That mummification stuff....is that real?"

"Wouldn't they rot?"

"Well I dunno....I thought it might've been made up, like santa claus or something"

I have two of these:

1: Ok, so i didn't actually hear this personally but I know the guy and he is really dumb:
So my friend who is a car fanatic is telling how he was designing a car. Then this other guy (Dan) chimes in and says, "I gan get glass!"

My other friend was like, "Dan, the car COMES with glass."

I laughed mein Arsch off on that one.

2: This other one happened after the recent elections. My friend, who supports Bush (I know, but that isn't the stupid part). He says, "I think its amazing that this is the first president in history to gain 51 percent of the vote."

From a lunch room conversation in HS, where the fact I'm an atheist has just been mentioned:
Friend: So you're a communist.
Me: Huh?
Friend: Well you don't believe in God, right?
Me: Yeah.
Friend: Well communists don't believe in God, so anyone who doesn't, must be a communist.

In my early days of teaching here in Japan, I had a lower level class that was learning the name's of countries in English. This was right around the time that Japan was debating sending an SDF contengent to Cambodia as part of the UN peace keeping operation, and PKO was the buzzword of the day. It was about a year after the First Gulf War.
I had assigned homework the previous class: find Cambodia and Kuwait on a map and tell me (simply) why they are important to Japan.
Me: Can anyone show me Cambodia on this map?
Students search the map, it's clear they haven't done The HW
Me: Here it is. Can anyone tell me why it's important to Japan?
Student 1: PKO?
Me: Yes. Very good! Now who can find Kuwait.
Students seach the map until I point it out.
Me: Here it is. Can anyone tell me why Kuwait's important to Japan? (Hoping to hear either Gulf War or oil)
Student 2: PKO?
:headbang:

Pko? Peace keeping operation?

From a lunch room conversation in HS, where the fact I'm an atheist has just been mentioned:
Friend: So you're a communist.
Me: Huh?
Friend: Well you don't believe in God, right?
Me: Yeah.
Friend: Well communists don't believe in God, so anyone who doesn't, must be a communist.


The old classic of mistaking an implication for an equivalence. I imagine you were very annoyed, or at least shocked.

Only said?

One day when I walked into my classroom, I caught two of my female students "making out". I just ignored them(since class hadn't officially started) and got my papers ready for the class. Needless to say they stopped after they noticed I was in the room(maybe 5-10 seconds).

Halfway through learning about the American Civil War (about 2 weeks into the unit) one kid raised his hand and asked, "Wait...you mean our country fought itself?"

Sigh.

One is mine the other isn't,

While talking on the movie Half Baked:
Student M: I suck dick......
Me: You don't do cocaine so don't finish that quote.

My teacher has just done a demo to illustrate the basic formula of a combustion reaction, as he has done with a previous class, he accidentally spilled some of the alcohol onto his hand and set it on fire... After trying for about 10-15 seconds to put it out he smothers his hand with a towel, and says "oww."
Me: LOL, third degree burns.

This is why Chemistry is my favorite class...

One day in my US History to 1877 class, we were working together to study for a test about the American Revolution. This guy I don't know and I go over to sit next to the other two girls in our row, and, when we get there, one asks what we're studying. I tell her that it's the revolutionary war. She nods and says "Oh yeah, I think I remember that. What was it again?" I try to hide my eye rolling and say "War against britain, independence, george washington. That war." She nods and goes "Ahhhh, I remember that!"

Then she asks me one more question. Keep in mind this is a COLLEGE class.

"So... did we win?"

The other girl just sat there with a :confused: look on her face. They got angry when the other guy and I laughed, very hard, and he said "No, England won. This is an English accent, and I'm from North Dakota, England." I don't think I'll ever forget that...

lol that happend in my class last week, only we used North carolina instead of North dakota...it was on our test...people got it wronge.

I have one (not a quote), this idot in class asked why we see light of the moon (the teacher is bored and can't come up with topics for our journals). I said that that was the radiation from the swiss cheese caused .... ( i went on and on) this poor girl wrote it all down and then relizided i was feeding him a large load of BS.

I was once in a GCSE biology class, studying human reproduction and our teacher was off sick so the supply teacher had written all our work for the lesson on the board, with the homework right at the bottom, partially obscured by the teacher's desk. None of us really paid much attention until a girl at the back of the class raised her hand and asked,
"Please Miss, am I right in thinking our homework is to make a baby?"

After an hour of the teacher talking about "podsol" and other soils, this really dumb girl who actually seemed to be paying attention raises her hand and says:

"What is podsol?"

Poor thing, got laughed out of the classroom.

What is podsol?

In my art history 100 we either have some really dumbass people or people who need to stop day dreaming and then asking styupid questions. when i stop paying attention i make sure not to follow up with dipshit questions

we were looking at a cross section of the corner of a greek temple, it cut off the column at the front corner in the cross section. We spent 10 minutes discussing that the column wasn't there and why it wasn't there and having the teacher point to where the column would be. IMMEDIATELY after we finished that the girl piped up: "Where is the other column?"

I would have thrown something at her would i have thought i wouldnt have hit some one semi-intelligent

Once a girl asked our DARE police officer what a gang was. Way back in Middle School. Funny as hell, until we realised she was serious.

Two guys are arguing about the French. First guy rants about how they're "pussies, wimps, weaklings, cowards, never win any wars," et. al.

Second guy: "If it wasn't for the French, we'd all be speaking British right now!"

:D

(Yes, it really happened. :eek: )

I was once in a GCSE biology class, studying human reproduction and our teacher was off sick so the supply teacher had written all our work for the lesson on the board, with the homework right at the bottom, partially obscured by the teacher's desk. None of us really paid much attention until a girl at the back of the class raised her hand and asked,
"Please Miss, am I right in thinking our homework is to make a baby?"
Practical sex education, the new education tool.

Earlier today...me and a friend were in the pool as we are in the Swim Team...

Him: You don't sweat in the pool! *lifts up wet hand* see? Look! No sweat!

Can I add one that really made me laugh? My friend was complaining about the idiots in her class, and shared this story:

Guy #1: Hey, can we turn the air conditioning off in this room? It's FREEEZING!
Teacher: Sorry?
Guy #1: Turn the air conditioning off! Off! O-F!
Guy #2: *suddenly cracks up* Hey, wouldn't it have been hilarious if he'd spelt 'off' wrong?

:rolleyes:

Me and some of my friends are working. A girl(the girlfriend of one of my friends) comes up and tries to distract him. She is not very succesful. She was wearing this stupid overtop that restricted her movement.

Girl: I could distract you better if it wasn't for this damn top.
<Silence and staring>
Girl turns steadily redder.

What is podsol?

Simple: a type of soil.

Dictionary: [noun] a soil that develops in temperate to cold moist climates under coniferous or heath vegetation; an organic mat over a gray leached layer (http://www.elook.org/dictionary/podsol.html)

More: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Podsol

Even More: http://www.pupilvision.com/uppersixth/soiltypes.htm

i may seem like i am lieing but all of this is true

she thought the french empire was run by Napoleon the ice cream

she thought the pilgrims came over on horseback

she thought Mohandes Ghandi was a boxer

and she still doesnt know why we dont ask William shakespear to write more plays

she sits next to me in history and she got a higher grade than me(

...So much ripping on "stupid girls" and "ditzy blondes".

...So much ripping on "stupid girls" and "ditzy blondes".

Well everyone says stupid things. Maybe thiers are just more memorable.

Well everyone says stupid things. Maybe thiers are just more memorable.

A great deal of truth to that - a vicious circle of expectations fulfilled. We expect certain people (blonds, Bush, Dan Quayle, certain un-named posters here) to make stupid utterances. So we listen for theirs more than other people's. And because of that, we catch them more often than we do other people. And we thus re-enforce the idea they are stupid.

Pko? Peace keeping operation?
This was right around the time that Japan was debating sending an SDF contengent to Cambodia as part of the UN peace keeping operation, and PKO was the buzzword of the day.

;)

Our geography teacher a couple of years ago was explaining something to us about volcanoes and tectonic plates and all that really memorable stuff, and suddenly comes out with 'this isn't like pickling squirrels'.

Where did that even come from? She was the same teacher that thought seagulls have four legs. :rolleyes:

My friend's girlfriend... is dumb.

While playing risk one day, she couldnt locate Ontario on the board. (Yes, she is Canadian). She diddnt know that Canada was in North America.

She went, "Where is Ontario?"
Me: *blink* "...In Canada"
Her: "I know that, but where is Canada on the map?"
*My friends and I go into a long pause, waiting for the, 'just joking' part*
Me: "...In North America."
Her: "Isn't that the USA?"
*awkward silence*
Me: "...North America is a Continent; Canada, the USA and Mexico share it."
*silence from her*
Me: "One of the yellow territories on the Board." *point at Ontario*

I am not joking either. Some other priceless tidbits from her were also:
"Europe is a country."
"Did you know that mini-me was played by a real person?"

There are alot more dumb things she has said, they might come to me later :p

Once a student in my classroom and my teacher were discussing the movie Fahrenheite 9/11 and the student actually said "but they can't put it in movies if it isn't true."

I'm not trying tp open an arguement about micheal moore or anything but I haven't heard spmeone say somethin' like that since kindergarten.
Sadly a large majority of people here(here being in RL not the forum) seem to think along those lines. Quoting Sean Hennidy (SP?) and Mike Reagen as news. And saying that if it wasn't solid fact they wouldn't have broadcasting liscenses.

i may seem like i am lieing but all of this is true

she thought the french empire was run by Napoleon the ice cream

she thought the pilgrims came over on horseback

she thought Mohandes Ghandi was a boxer

and she still doesnt know why we dont ask William shakespear to write more plays

she sits next to me in history and she got a higher grade than me(
maybe because she can spell mahatma gandhi and you cant?

"What's Halliburton?"

"Who's John Kerry?"

"Oh! A cactus is a plant? I thought it was a landform."

:confused: :sniper:

When my AP Biology class was learning to take blood pressure for a lab we were doing, the instructer asked us where we could find a pulse t put the BP cuff around, she promptly rose her hand and said the neck.
My AP bio teacher said all sorts of things. Whenever he needed a comeback, or somone asked an irrelevant question, or was just just being stupid, he would say "Why don't chickens pee?"
Whenever anyone would say well in any context "thats a hole in the ground" He had more, but I don't remember them.

LMFAO! these are all classics, especially the opening one and Steel Butterfly's!

What about stupid things your classmates have done?
My class"mate" stuck a pencil down his throat and was sick on the desk. He claims he did it to get out of the lesson... The teacher asked him if he needed to go home;
"No, i'm fine" was his reply. "What the ?!"

Back in Junior High, we had a geography teacher named Mr. Katana who was the absolute most rediculous person alive. Now I didn't have him, but a bunch of us joined his club (Geography of Sports) just so that we could listen to him talk.

Granted these won't be as funny as they could be, because his voice is part of what's hilarious, but I hope they're still enjoyable.

*The phone rings*
"Bullpen!"

*Whoopie cousion farting sound*
"Oh...my...god...Oh...oh...who did that? Cory? Oh my Cory! God you stink!"
(He was convinced that it smelled for about five more minutes)

*Kid opens newspaper to the "escort" ads and places it on his desk*
"Wha...what is this? OH! Oh my god! (yeah...he said that alot) Oh I can't see! You blinded me! Preston you blinded me!"
(He was literally digging at his eyes)

*Kid throws a paper airplane, hits him in the forehead*
"Fiscus! Oh...oh...my...wha...you...oh...Fiscus!"
*Falls down on the floor*

"You...oh my god...get out of my room!"
"Where do I go?"
"To the moon!"
"What?"
"Jump off the roof, stupid!"

Back in Junior High, we had a geography teacher named Mr. Katana who was the absolute most rediculous person alive. Now I didn't have him, but a bunch of us joined his club (Geography of Sports) just so that we could listen to him talk.

Granted these won't be as funny as they could be, because his voice is part of what's hilarious, but I hope they're still enjoyable.

*The phone rings*
"Bullpen!"

*Whoopie cousion farting sound*
"Oh...my...god...Oh...oh...who did that? Cory? Oh my Cory! God you stink!"
(He was convinced that it smelled for about five more minutes)

*Kid opens newspaper to the "escort" ads and places it on his desk*
"Wha...what is this? OH! Oh my god! (yeah...he said that alot) Oh I can't see! You blinded me! Preston you blinded me!"
(He was literally digging at his eyes)

*Kid throws a paper airplane, hits him in the forehead*
"Fiscus! Oh...oh...my...wha...you...oh...Fiscus!"
*Falls down on the floor*

"You...oh my god...get out of my room!"
"Where do I go?"
"To the moon!"
"What?"
"Jump off the roof, stupid!"
i would have payed to take that class

" If the ozone layer disappears and the icecaps melt then all the water will fall out of the bottom of the earth"

That's why everyone who couldn't joined his club. I wish I could give an example of what his voice sounds like. One of my friends (cory from the quote) does it perfectly.

He'd also do this thing where he'd take his glasses off, rub handcream on his hands, and then smear it all over his face, rubbing his floppy cheeks up and down.

Lol...the handcream container (it was like a hard hand cream) was tea-bagged numerous times.

Cold War History A-Level.....about the second term i.e. we'd been doing this topic for a while........

Teacher: Today we're going to move on to the space race and how that was indicative of Soviet-American relations.....

Classmate: Miss.....when do they actually start fighting?

:(

Geometry class, the teacher was explaining something, then a girl said:

"What does congruent mean?"

Or in History. The ditzy blonde in our class asked who won the Civil War, my friend (to be an asshole) said the following:

"Who won the war?"

"The south."

"Okay."

Note, we have five blacks in the class... she failed her midterm.

Oh, but my favorite one is this. It was during Biology. I'll let the text speak.

Black girl: I didn't know black people couldn't sit with white people in the 60s.
Me: And then you wonder why black people were enslaved.

*Class shuts up*

You...said that? :eek:

I overheard this today in the lunchroom. Two people were arguing about anarchy.

First person: "Anarchy would never work."

Second person: "How the [expletive] would you know? We've never had an anarchist President, so how do you know it could never work?"

Here's some stupid things this one particular classmate has done:

-During the phys. ed. dance unit, this girl and I had to dance together because of not enough guys. She started doing some really disgusting stuff that could probably have been sexual harrassment.

-She took her pants off in home ec.

-She swatted me on the butt a couple of times. Finally I told her it was inappropriate.

The saddest part? For a while there, my mom blamed me for what happened.

A kid in my history class called Kobe Bryant Kobe O'Bryant and called a jewish person a judaism person.

When we were doing about how the pope is elected and how the holy spirit goes from Pope to Pope someone asked "Do they keep the Holy Spirit in a cage until a new Pope is elected?"

This was said in my differential equations class my sophomore year of college:

"Chicks dig mullets."

Oh yeah, baby...sooooo sexy.

Some girl that takes the short bus to school once was telling every1 where she was going on vacation

"Im going to California! You know? The place inside Hollywood?

Just another reason why we need Geography in our curriculum

My friend got up on a table (for what reason i dont know) then someone pantsed him and everyone in the cafeteria saw his cock. (muy pequeno- jk)

Two guys are arguing about the French. First guy rants about how they're "pussies, wimps, weaklings, cowards, never win any wars," et. al.

Second guy: "If it wasn't for the French, we'd all be speaking British right now!"

:D

(Yes, it really happened. :eek: )

the second is true, they helped in the revolutionary war.

the second is true, they helped in the revolutionary war.
What sort of language is british?

Another kid in my health class drank some idunno, 140 proof liquor. (he mixed four different liquors. He took four gulps of that shit and while our teacher was going over why not to drive drunk, he went to the front of the room and threw up three times. He claimed he had the flu and did not get suspended or expelled (that is some lucky shit). Funniest shit i ever saw, plus great timing

You...said that? :eek:

Yep. :D

And I'd do it again too!

i was in the cafeteria in junior high and we have a table full of retards. One day i looked over and they were all making out with eachother. retarded boys kissing retarded girls, retarded boys kissing retared girls retarded girls making out w/ retarded girls. funny. Then you saw all this drool and stuff all over their faces and it was just so pathetic i had to laugh. I usually dont laugh at retarded kids but this was just one of the funniest things i ever saw

Dammit! Lil' John has corrupted the retarted!

What sort of language is british?
old english lol

One time I was in an american history class, and we were talking about how all the nations have nukes now, and one girl chimes in "Why don't they just give us all the weapons? I mean, everyone knows that we only want peace." I shit you not.

Another kid just recently, when we were talking about censorship issues, said "Lets outlaw TV." with a straight face. I later found out that he didn't know the meaning of the word "Theocracy."

Anything utterly naive and/or stupid you've heard a classmate say?
Dear God...so many INCREDIBLY stupid quotes that they're all mixed into one hilarious/pathetic blur and I can't remember any specific ones at the moment. But yeah, proles are funny (don't you love the snotty sense of intellectual superiority that conveys?).

well i don't have something anybody 'said', but something pretty stupid i did at school myself.

in latin class i was fucking bored. i had my gel-pen in my hand. those pens have a resivoir of gel-inky stuff, capped by some kind of wax bung. i decided to dismantle then pen, out of boredom, and then put the end of the pen - the wax bit - on my tongue. :headbang:
people said i should have done it with a red coloured pen cos it would have looked more like i was coughing up blood. :(
went to the bathroom and got a cheer when i came back in like 10 mins later :(

god....

OK, this one isnt quite as stupid as some but here we shall go. Said by a classmate in BIO.

"Polar bears and penguins live on opposite poles. That's why they don't mate"

Me thinks

"HO! So that's the only reason they dont mate is it."

Unfortunatly i was not the only person thinking this and it has lead to an interesting thing we call the penguin affect, which im afraid common decency does not allow me to go into in a public place.

one once said teh ribcage is a muscle

the second is true, they helped in the revolutionary war.

Are you serious? This is almost something we'd talk about in this thread. Hate to break it to you...but America and Britain both speak English. That's what I found funny about that post, not the fact that he called English British.

I love how popular my thread has become.

Once upon a time in a differential equation class, I mispronounced homogeneous. I pronounced it like homogenized milk. That got a little attention from the rest of the folks, many who had never milked a cow, by the way.

"You can't give me a detention bitch! You already gave me one!"

A kid in my math class said that to the teacher.
The teacher gave him a detention the next day anyways.

While discussing "The Awakening" one male student responds by saying, "If it wasn't feminist, it would be porn"

A friend in my electronics class was holding onto a metal ball being staticly charged by a belt running through it (motorised) the teacher was holding a metal rod attached to ground to discharge it once he was done(through my friends body), as he advanced on my friend with the rod my friend said.

"Back off bitch."

He got shocked, big time.

"What's a thesis statement?" Mind you this is a University writing class. How the hell did they get in? :mad:

Girl I know: "In war do people kill their allies?"

I love how popular my thread has become.


You choose good topics, this thread rocks! :)

I'm a teacher and a coworker of mine who taught science once asked me what photosynthesis was...

I'm a teacher and a coworker of mine who taught science once asked me what photosynthesis was...

In a biology exam I once answered that aphids reproduce by budding. I knew what greenfly were, but the term 'aphids' had at that point never entered my ambit.

once on a bio quiz, our teacher decided to let us work in couples. A stupid move, bu tinteresting none the less. I managed to convince my partner that the correct answer to one of the questions was something incredibly stupid, I think it was something like sonic hedgehog. I thought it was hillarious.

When I was a 148 lb sophomore in High School, a 220 lb senior said to me, "I dare you to kick me in the balls! You don't have the guts!" I won't go into the details as to how a conversation reached that point. But suffice to say, he was wrong. I ran like hell while he was on the ground and managed to avoid him for a bit more than a week before he and a couple of his football buddies cornered me. :(

"why would they bury john lennon in russia?"
that's awesome...

When I was a 148 lb sophomore in High School, a 220 lb senior said to me, "I dare you to kick me in the balls! You don't have the guts!" I won't go into the details as to how a conversation reached that point. But suffice to say, he was wrong. I ran like hell while he was on the ground and managed to avoid him for a bit more than a week before he and a couple of his football buddies cornered me. :(
How did that come about?

How did that come about?

Well, He was a football player and I was a wrestler. There has always been a bit of a rivalry between them at my school. Except, of course for the two or three that somehow managed to do both.

We also shared a phys ed and a math class. I never really had an enemy in High School, but as a freshman and sophomore, he probably was the closest thing I had to one. At the time, I was starting to develop an unexpected reputation for being 'indestructible', and he saw the need to put it to the test from time to time. Unfortunately, I was too dumb to be meek. I kept pulling pranks on him(among others). I stuffed his gym locker with cow manure once. :D

Well, He was a football player and I was a wrestler. There has always been a bit of a rivalry between them at my school. Except, of course for the two or three that somehow managed to do both.

We also shared a phys ed and a math class. I never really had an enemy in High School, but as a freshman and sophomore, he probably was the closest thing I had to one. At the time, I was starting to develop an unexpected reputation for being 'indestructible', and he saw the need to put it to the test from time to time. Unfortunately, I was too dumb to be meek. I kept pulling pranks on him(among others). I stuffed his gym locker with cow manure once. :D
That's pretty funny.

Well, He was a football player and I was a wrestler. There has always been a bit of a rivalry between them at my school. Except, of course for the two or three that somehow managed to do both.

We also shared a phys ed and a math class. I never really had an enemy in High School, but as a freshman and sophomore, he probably was the closest thing I had to one. At the time, I was starting to develop an unexpected reputation for being 'indestructible', and he saw the need to put it to the test from time to time. Unfortunately, I was too dumb to be meek. I kept pulling pranks on him(among others). I stuffed his gym locker with cow manure once. :D

As always LG has us all beat at stupid story time. :D

Well, He was a football player and I was a wrestler. There has always been a bit of a rivalry between them at my school. Except, of course for the two or three that somehow managed to do both.

We also shared a phys ed and a math class. I never really had an enemy in High School, but as a freshman and sophomore, he probably was the closest thing I had to one. At the time, I was starting to develop an unexpected reputation for being 'indestructible', and he saw the need to put it to the test from time to time. Unfortunately, I was too dumb to be meek. I kept pulling pranks on him(among others). I stuffed his gym locker with cow manure once. :D

haha :p ANYWAYS i dunno if you saw i was asking you about mitch hedberg on the other thread which cd are you listening to? is it strategic grill locations???

As always LG has us all beat at stupid story time. :D

Yes, I have been dumber than most. :)

haha :p ANYWAYS i dunno if you saw i was asking you about mitch hedberg on the other thread which cd are you listening to? is it strategic grill locations???

I've listened to both on Rhapsody. I think I like Mitch All Together a little better. He's got a good rhythm going in that one.

I've listened to both on Rhapsody. I think I like Mitch All Together a little better. He's got a good rhythm going in that one.

yea he does. i dunno the spontenaity of strategic grill locations and the fact that he sounds/acts totally bombed makes it my fave. he's a funny guy.

yea he does. i dunno the spontenaity of strategic grill locations and the fact that he sounds/acts totally bombed makes it my fave. he's a funny guy.

Then it isn't just me! I thought he sounded totally wasted on his first album too! Hehehe.

Then it isn't just me! I thought he sounded totally wasted on his first album too! Hehehe.

lol yea what other stand-ups do you like? a friend of mine- his nation is scroggin- got me into blue collar; like ron white and bill engvall. i also got a couple cd's of robin williams and jim breuer (a guy from SNL)

lol yea what other stand-ups do you like? a friend of mine- his nation is scroggin- got me into blue collar; like ron white and bill engvall. i also got a couple cd's of robin williams and jim breuer (a guy from SNL)

Egad...

Lewis Black
George Carlin(my hero)
Denis Leary
Ron White
Larry The Cable Guy
Bill Engvall
Robert Schimmel(listening to him right now)
Eddie Izzard.

My Business teacher Mr. Jacob is quite the character... One of his more famous lines were:

"The Chinese sent some vegetables out to space and they grew 5 times their regular size. So now KFC is going to send their chicken up there too, and it wont be finger-lickin' good anymore it'll be WRIST-lickin' good!"

He also likes to call people by strange names, especially my friend James (ie. "Coy", "Hoebert", "Ho-Ho")

Oh and he sings songs to the girls.

When I revealed to the class in a little bible-thumper town I was stuck in for awhile that I wasn't religious, this girl started blubbering out "Why don't you love Jesus!?" and cried.

More interestingly, after that, another, brighter girl who toted around her bible started talking with me every once in awhile... I think I had a 'corrupting' influence on her, at least enough that she started being aware of the world.

Something very interesting seemed to be going on, which I somewhat regret not finding out. One day in class, when it was plenty warm, a semester afterwards, she said the word 'excited' during an oral presentation, and, being up front as usual, I noticed two shadows form on the front of her top (and considering she was in a sweater...), and her face turn red at the same time.

All but had to bite my tongue to keep from snickering.
(And yes, I'm waaay to observant, comes from doing art, so nyeh)

I was in an honors history course, and we were talking about Colonial America. Then stupid flew into the classroom and grabbed hold of one of the slow smart people:
Girl: "Where's Cajea?"
Teacher: "What?"
Girl: "Where the Cajuns come from."
The sad thing is, we live in the southern tip of Alabama. We have Mardi Gras.

George Carlin is god.

As a response (by about 90% of the class) to almost every question in my English classes in both grade 11 and 12:

"Personification"

Note that this also occured during discussions about communism (we werent even on poetic language). My friend and I began saying it randomly just to egg on and piss off the other kids in the class, but then the class started using the new word of the year as well.... "scapegoat".

Maybe it was a 'have-to-be-there' thing, but my friend and I still say "personification" every time someone says something stupid around us.


Another thing: In Physics 11, while we were learning about entropy and the teacher just finished giving us one of the most obvious examples: explosions; a hardcore mormon girl in our class (why she was in a physics class.. I have no idea) blurted out EXTREMELY loud:

"But that completely disproves the big bang theory!!"


Silence. The entire class just looked at her. My lab partner muttered something along the lines of "oh dear god" and I just looked at her and plastered a fake reassuring grin on my face and gave her the most sarcastic thumbs up ever seen.



Edit* I just remembered the time my substitute socials teacher pronounced potatoes slowly as po--ta--toooeess. We were learning about Ireland or something.... was just a really funny comment considering how he said it and how he looked(really tall and almost like a saggy faced bug with a shocked look in his eyes all the time).

Heh. I actually do that a bit. Spent a bit too many nights discussing BDSM (well, arguing about it with people who're in to it... I have issues with the lifestyle, albeit not the occassional fun)...

What's bad, I'm an English major. You know how easy it is to assign BDSM qualities to Literature?

Moby-Dick: He wanted to dominate the whale because he was tired of being the sub.

Various Historical Slavery Thingies: Well duh.

Religious-oriented literature: More duh.

Poetry: Most love poems are possessive as hell, or submissive as hell.

Etc.

My teacher got a child in trouble for discussing the book "Moby Dick", claiming he was using it as a metaphor for, well, a dick. Which was funny, since he was quite obviously discussing the plot of the book and the characters...

Well, I recall one of the football jocks in Medieval History class who had clearly been hit in the head, and a few times randomly shouted out places and dates loudly. Nothing beats having a lecture suddenly interrupted by a loud cry of "CONSTANTINOPLE, 751!"

I also recall my biology teacher who was obsessed with Jennifer Lopez. Seriously, the entire classroom was covered in pictures of her cut out of magazines, and he spent a lot longer talking about Jennifer Lopez than he did about biology. It was very weird.

I also remember a crazy memo the vice principle of my school sent out trying to ban Uncle Tom's Cabin for being a racist book, and made a bunch of other crazy accusations about various supposedly racist things students were doing. Among these acts were such horrible things as "wanting to eat lunch outside instead of in the cafeteria." Fortunately that memo fell into my hands, and from there somehow all the parents and students got a copy of it and she lost her job. Of course, this was a pretty crazy school, seeing as she got her job by sleeping with the principle, who was also embezzling money from the school.

oh man, which to pick...

in history a couple years ago, we had to design our own new national capital,which was fine, and then when the teacher asked how we would get to it(meaning public transport of some kind), one kid said "a DOOR!"

in english last month we were analyzing a sad poem, and one of the lines was "grief hangs on his heart". when the teacher asked what grief was like(obvious answer: ice), some kid said "like a monkey!" and the teacher just turns to him with this look of total amazement on her face and says "i can't believe it. someone in every single period has compared grief to a monkey independently.jesus."

in bio the other day we were watching a movie about cells, and just as it shows a fertilized egg dividing again and again, a particularly special student we've dubbed Jay the Bastard chimes in with *look of utter incredulousness*"wait, wait, is...is this how people form?" i didn't know to laugh or cry...

and then just today while we were talking about viruses and std's, jay the Bastard interjects something about crabs and our teacher corrects him about it, and he goes "but, you can treat it, right? crabs aren't for life are they?"...our teacher just looks him in the eye and says "Jay, do we need to have a private talk after class?" as the entire rest of the class chants mentally Jay Has Crabs, Jay Has Crabs!
not so much stupid as man-whorish, but you get the idea

it sounds like we're being really tough on this kid Jay, but keep in mind, this kid(a catholic...and a bad one at that) honestly believes that the best thing America could possibly do for homeland security would be to nuke the hell out of france. that wouldn't have any negative reprecussions at all ever, would it? :rolleyes:
he's exactly the sort of american that makes other americans say they're from canada

I can't think of any really stupid quotes but here are a couple stories/peeves.

1) In 8th grade last year, my rather grandmotherly science teacher was, as usual, calling us her stock nicknames of "bunnies" and "dear hearts". I was in an ironically literal mood. I drew a picture of a deer with its heart dropping out of its chest and labeled it. My friend sitting next to me ("D" for the next two anecdotes) was rather appalled.

2) "Doctor Freemont" (same science teacher calling attendance)
"I'm a butt doctor."
"*exasperated laugh* That would be a proctologist, honey."

3) Somehow, don't ask, I ended up with a certain three friends on a project. I will label us A, B, C, and D. I'm A. Well, B and C hate each other. C and D have a bit of tension between them, and B and D are completely indifferent but work well together. Priceless ten seconds: C has scissors raised in the air, yelling at B, who is trying to rebut with logic. A stamps over, takes scissors. Looks at scissors, looks at C and B, twitches with frustration. Hands scissors to D, who calmly resumes work on the project.

4) Same three friends. I'm sitting between B and D with C in front of me. I poke C. C pokes me back, in general game. He turns back around, a few seconds pass. B pokes C. I start laughing. C turns around, looks between the two of us. D says "It was [A]". I'm laughing too hard to correct him. Don't realize until five minutes later that he stopped WW3 from transpiring right then and there.

5) OH MY GOD. The thing that pisses me off the most, ever, that even some of my very smart friends do... is to use conjunctive mathematical operations as verbs. Excuse me, you do not "times" the 5, you multiply it. Neither do you "minus" two. Don't even get me started on the butchered French I hear my classmates trying to speak... I may not be able to say stuff very well either but at least I try not to vocalize my h's and ending s's.

I live i this little podunk city of about 100,000. This guy in my Intro to law class is quite...odd. Three of his quotes:

1. "If everyone in America had a gun, we would have alot less gun violence."

2. "Can you name one Arab who wasn't a Terrorist?"



And the kicker:

3. "All americans should be foreced to own a gun, exept arabs.

What a fun class.

I can tell you the most embarrassing thing I ever heard. When I was in eighth grade, two girls who were friends of a sort were fighting with one another over something. The arguments were escalating.

One of the girls, the blonde, said something about the other's hair. This, being a cardinal sin, prompted the unforgettable response from the brunette: "And when I came over to your house, why was that magic pen of yours wet all over?" I think the whole class just about died laughing at the poor girl.

Of course, that's assuming people still know what magic pens are these days! I can't look at one without chuckling to this day.

I can tell you the most embarrassing thing I ever heard. When I was in eighth grade, two girls who were friends of a sort were fighting with one another over something. The arguments were escalating.

One of the girls, the blonde, said something about the other's hair. This, being a cardinal sin, prompted the unforgettable response from the brunette: "And when I came over to your house, why was that magic pen of yours wet all over?" I think the whole class just about died laughing at the poor girl.

Of course, that's assuming people still know what magic pens are these days! I can't look at one without chuckling to this day.
:D
That is awesome!

I can tell you the most embarrassing thing I ever heard. When I was in eighth grade, two girls who were friends of a sort were fighting with one another over something. The arguments were escalating.

One of the girls, the blonde, said something about the other's hair. This, being a cardinal sin, prompted the unforgettable response from the brunette: "And when I came over to your house, why was that magic pen of yours wet all over?" I think the whole class just about died laughing at the poor girl.

Of course, that's assuming people still know what magic pens are these days! I can't look at one without chuckling to this day.

Forgive my ignorance but how old are you in the 8th grade? (Not American)

I can tell you the most embarrassing thing I ever heard. When I was in eighth grade, two girls who were friends of a sort were fighting with one another over something. The arguments were escalating.

One of the girls, the blonde, said something about the other's hair. This, being a cardinal sin, prompted the unforgettable response from the brunette: "And when I came over to your house, why was that magic pen of yours wet all over?" I think the whole class just about died laughing at the poor girl.

Of course, that's assuming people still know what magic pens are these days! I can't look at one without chuckling to this day.

Poor Pen.

I was shocked when I found out that there are people who actually dont know who Ghandi was.

YES!!! When I first went to college, one of the local secondary schools (which is meant to be the best one) NEVER mentioned him AT ALL. I have met around 75 people from that school, and we debate alot, and I swear only ONE of them knew who I was talking about when I mentioned Ghandi. I was so, so shocked when I realised they were serious.

Sorry for spelling his name wrong.. guess I'm not that bright either! http://assets.jolt.co.uk/forums/images/icons/icon9.gif
Unhappy

"Are there still Greek people?" would be one very good example. :headbang:
There was also the guy who thought that Jennifer Lopez discovered America. :headbang:
And Catherine of Aragorn? Clearly someone had been watching The Lord of the Rings. This one was a teacher. :headbang:
And uncountable other ones. Also, it is almost depressing how many people will fall for:
"Look! A distraction!" :headbang:

I have one!!
"Stalin? That detective off Silence of the Lambs?"

I've got a few:

1) It was my senior year in high school, and I was sitting in my I.B. Biology class. As was normal for me, I was trying to get some chemistry homework done (which was my next class). The teacher looked over at me, and asked "What are you doing?" Being that we were getting swamped in tons of work, and feeling brainwashed from it all, I replied rather hastily "Biochem!" She smiled and replied, "Nice try. Put it up."

The kicker was that after I said that I looked down and realized that I actually WAS doing Bio-chem!

This next one wasn't in school, but rather at home. My brother and I had been tasked to clean the house a bit for some people who were coming over to visit. My brother was tasked to clean the glass doors. He was working on it, when he called out to me (I was cleaning up another part of the house), and said, "I'm having a hard time getting some of these doors clean..."

Naturally, I replied absent mindedly "Use elbow grease."

A few minutes later, I heard him calling from the kitchen. He was looking below the kitchen sink, where we keep some of the cleaning supplies, and asked loudly "Where's the elbow grease?"

I nearly died laughing. :)

EDIT: I must point out that he was only eight years old or something like that, at the time... Still, a funny anecedote...

I've got some others, but can't remember that at the moment. Might be able to in a bit though...

Ah yes, got one here, more recent.

In my Astronomy class of my second year of university (last year), a friend and I were sitting and getting really bored by the professor's strange conversation.

He had brought in a rather bulky red telescope that had wide lenses, and about three feet in length, and two feet in width. After a little while I suddenly started laughing when I had a funny thought come to mind. My friend looked over at me, obviously puzzled. I whispered "It's his crack pipe!"

Now, to this day, we call him the Crack Professor... :D

Also, in the same class, on another day, the professor was teaching about supernovas. The same friend had his laptop with him, and it suddenly committed suicide and killed itself. Frustrated, he looked up to the professor, who had his attention drawn by his cursing, and offered a reply "My goddamn laptop just committed a supernova!"

The whole class sat silent for a moment, then erupted in laughter...

A kid who often cheated off of my tests in German was once more copying my answers. My initial answer for one of the questions, which I changed after he'd turned his test in: "Halten Sie bitte Ausschau nach fliegenden Seemännern"

what does that mean?

Anything utterly naive and/or stupid you've heard a classmate say?

(1) A couple months ago, my world history teacher was claiming that Columbus believed the earth was flat and was aware that India was east of Spain. I asked her how one could get to a place by going west if the place in question is east of the person and the earth is flat. After all, neglecting the curvature of the earth, a given object can't be east and west of another object at the same time. Of course my teacher didn't realize this and therefore had a ten-minute argument with me, during which the rest of the class laughed at her. It concluded with something along the lines of "This is the only class that's been so confused, and we have to move on now, we've got a lot of stuff to cover..."

(2) Kid from Math Club (who's in precalculus): So you can multiply something to both sides of an equation? I thought you could only do things like this (at this point, he multiplied one side of the equation by a fraction equaling 1)...

(3) Me: So I've heard certain congressmen are supporting a reinstatement of the draft.
Eighth-Grader: What's a draft?
(The sad thing was I told this to someone else as well and got a similar response)

what does that mean?

Well according to Google it says:

"Hold please for look out for flying sea-men"

once in geography we were asked a question, and the answer was victoria falls. unfortunately, as i put my hand up and answered, i was still going through the possible answers in my head, and was thinking 'victoria falls?' this got jumbled up in my head and i said viagra falls. buggeration.

I used the word 'Frenchie' in a verbal history discussion and was accused of ebing xenophobic....

In university I had a lecturere who was explaining the difference between sense and reference, as an example of a true statement he wrote this on the board:

Neil Armstrong was the first man in space.

Silence from class as he whittered on about this 'true' statement for about two minutes, until the mumbling started. Finally someone raised their voice and said 'No, he wasn't'.

The lecturer then turned and looked at what he had written, shrugged and grabbed the board eraser. He then rewrote his statement so that it was actually 'true'.

John Glenn was the first man in space.

Cue groans from the lecture hall and the sound of heads hitting desks in exasperation.

Is the American public always taught pro-america lies!? For heavens sake, Yuri Gagaren was the first man in space. It seems simply because the Russians won the space race, the americans are so embarresed by it they won't teach their next generations the truth. I want to find out how deep this denial is in your education system, It scares me you know so little that a whole lecture room full of Americans believe that John Glenn, the 1st AMERICAN to orbit the earth, was the first HUMAN as well!

==NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INSIPID==
A classmate walked into the first day of Advanced Placement European Literature. Now, this man was viewed as none too bright, and really acted like a doofus, despite his intelligence. Upon entering the class, the teacher stopped, turned, and stared, and asked, "Bob, I didn't expect to see you. This is AP Lit. General classes are next door."

"No, sir, I'm here for AP."

"Bob, you read?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Books?"

"Yes, sir!"

"With words in them?"

"Uh... yes, Mr. Roberts."

That poor kid.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was a girl in another class, and after Winter Break, she told me, "I went to Spain over break." Mind you, I'm from the Midwest of the US of A, so we think that California is a foreign country, and actually leaving the continent is really cool.

So, being, rather interested, I asked, "See anything cool?"

She answered back, "I met a lot of Spaniards in Spain." Then she gave this smile, like it was a fucking revelation.

I answered calmly as possible, like telling a child that Fido isn't dead, he's sleeping. "Well, that would make sense."

But the "revelations" continued, as she explained to me with great earnest, "Did you know that a lot of people think Hispanics are Spanish? They're not, though. Spaniards are Spanish. You know, they're so white they're almost European!"

My brain was boiling, like my brain was crying out for mercy, and I snapped, "So European that Spain is in fucking Europe?"

"It is?"

I actually cried, I think.

One word: "Prohibidition"

-snip-
Ouch, that was really stupid, I'm not sure weather my BP cuff one is better, but it's close

BTW I love your war on water, that was awesome

Reading this thread its obvious about half of you don't have a sense of humor. I bet in about half of these examples the person being claimed to be stupid was playing around to be funny.

Don't take everything so literally all the time.

1) In my AP government class in high school, my teacher told us that the U.S. was allied with Japan, but not with the Soviet Union, during WWII ... and marked me off for writing "socialism" for the fill-in-the-blank to " ... is the system based on the public ownership of the means of production" (paraphrased). When I showed him where our textbook had that very sentence, "Socialism is ... " verbatim, he told me that he'd give me credit, since my answer was in the book, but that in the future I was expected to put down the answer he'd given in lecture.

2) My high school health teacher told us peyote was a mushroom, and that dietary fat had a certain number of calories (say, 100). Not a gram of fat, not a kilogram of fat ... just fat had that many calories.

3) I graded papers for a while and got a few good ones. One student wrote about the November 11 terrorist attacks ... another about Mel Brooks' "Passion of the Christ," ... but the most memorable one (with no irony intended) was, "The death penalty is meant to be a final solution."

I had to post this because I fel to the floor laughing when my mother said it: "I feel so sorry for the Asians after the salami hit on boxing day."
I just had this image of someone eating lots of salami and farting causing a stench and a tsunami. :p

Poor salami victims anyways!

Also blurted out by a woman in a sex ed. class at good old Brooklyn College, after the professor had stated that semen was composed of various sugars.....


"But if it's made up of sugars, why does it taste so salty?"

I met a man who recently has decided that he can get rich by selling duck's milk on Ebay.

Aside from the obvious, I wonder...what made him choose ducks, and what made him think that theres a market for this?

Is the American public always taught pro-america lies!? For heavens sake, Yuri Gagaren was the first man in space. It seems simply because the Russians won the space race, the americans are so embarresed by it they won't teach their next generations the truth. I want to find out how deep this denial is in your education system...

Why the assumption that I am an american? This all happened in Belfast.


John Glenn was the first man in space.

Cue groans from the lecture hall and the sound of heads hitting desks in exasperation.

It scares me you know so little that a whole lecture room full of Americans believe that John Glenn, the 1st AMERICAN to orbit the earth, was the first HUMAN as well!

Note how the lecture theatre groans in exasparation, as we knew that Yuri Gagarin was the first man in space, but we had already wasted enough time on the matter.

One once said, "The Boer in South Africa deserve farm attacks, their women deserve to be raped, they deserve to die."

I literally wanted to rip his throat out with my bare hands. But I didn't, because I'm better than that.

But honestly, I wanted to take him to Soweto, drop him off, and see if in 24 hours, if he was still alive, it would change his opinion on the topic.

i can't remember. it's been along time, and most of the time i was in school, i was asleep.

Why the assumption that I am an american? This all happened in Belfast.




Note how the lecture theatre groans in exasparation, as we knew that Yuri Gagarin was the first man in space, but we had already wasted enough time on the matter.



Weren't there two other Russians in space first, but one died, and the other crashed near china?

I mean, it could all have been a hoax, I remember hearing about this.... YEARS ago the site (http://www.lostcosmonauts.com/)

But as I said, this could be an ancient hoax site. It just seems quite real.

i was in biology and we were talking about diseases and virus' and one girl goes " is kidney disease contagous??" this isnt the first time shes done something like this either.

Weren't there two other Russians in space first, but one died, and the other crashed near china?

I mean, it could all have been a hoax, I remember hearing about this.... YEARS ago the site (http://www.lostcosmonauts.com/)

But as I said, this could be an ancient hoax site. It just seems quite real.

As far as I understand it, the USA was quite keen on pushing the idea that Gagarin was the first man to survive going into space, and produced some fragmentary evidence of body-like objects being recovered from earlier flights. I do believe that these were just unmanned testflights.

I would be somewhat surprised if the truth had not come out following the collapse of the USSR if there had been earlier manned orbits than Gagarin. I had a quick glance at that site and saw little to make me change my mind.

Me and my friend where comparing our our headteacher's control of the school to Stalinist Russia one lunchtime. After this, in assembly the headteacher said "I have a plan for this school to become the best school in Britain. It is a five-year plan..." This is quite worrying, especially as there is no way he could have heard us.

At work 24ish woman gives me a sick form, this is what she had typed
"i had stomarch bud, seem doc on medicial"
She got really cross when I asked her to check it and type it again.
She go mad again when I refused to say her communication and letter writing skills were poor in her yearly apprasal.

Me and my friend where comparing our our headteacher's control of the school to Stalinist Russia one lunchtime. After this, in assembly the headteacher said "I have a plan for this school to become the best school in Britain. It is a five-year plan..." This is quite worrying, especially as there is no way he could have heard us.
LOL!

I recall hearing from a teacher once who had a student who wrote a paper about a Beethoven symphony, and how certain musical phrases in it evoked strong sensuality and desire. The teacher had to correct them that the name of the symphony was Eroica, not Erotica.

One time in my physics class the professor was talking about a method of modelling magnetic force ( i think, i've kind of forgotten it all now ) called the poynting vector:

Prof: I'm not a great lover.... ...... ..... (we all try to contain our laughter) ..... .... of the poynting vector.


Beautiful.

BUMP. I love this thread. I have it posted in my blog.

A line from a research paper written by a girl in another English class:

"Abortions are mostly had by women"

Well, you know, there is always that occasional male pregnancy. You know, where the baby grows right under his spleen? Yeah, most of the spleen ruptures during "mono" are actually teenage males who are pregnant and faking sick!

Me: You're an idiot
Classmate: I shouldn't be talking!

Well, you know, there is always that occasional male pregnancy. You know, where the baby grows right under his spleen? Yeah, most of the spleen ruptures during "mono" are actually teenage males who are pregnant and faking sick!

I definitely do not want the details of how they got pregnant... ;)

I definitely do not want the details of how they got pregnant... ;)

Well, it only happens if you have sex when she's on her period... :D

I listened to a whole presentation about the customs of 'Islam's'.

I listened to another whole presentation about 'Lord of the Flies' in which two characters were completely reversed (Jack and Roger fyi).

In the same literature class, we had just finished studying Romeo and Juliet and someone said, "So they both die?" It was really sad (the quote, not the story...well, also the story, but you know what I mean).

In the literature class the next year, the same student (she's not a blonde by the way) was constantly annoying the teacher.
He'd explain a point several times, and then she'd invariably say, "Wait....what?"

In history class: "We don't need to know any names, dates, or other facts like that [for the final exam], do we?"

I wonder how she got as far as freshman year.

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

Peer: "Why don't we just put everyone with AIDs on an island?"
Me: "What?"
Peer: "It'll be a nice island."

Student: "We only got free speech in World War II, like twenty years after the country was formed."

Student: "I thought they found a cure for homosexuality."

teacher: *5 minutes talknig about why a column is missing on a cross section of a greek temple*
dubmass student: *immediately after 5 minute discussion* - "Shouldn't there be a column there?"

I listened to another whole presentation about 'Lord of the Flies' in which two characters were completely reversed (Jack and Roger fyi).

That's actually not that bad of a mistake. They both are the evil characters, though Roger is the one who actually is the murder. At least it wasn't Jack and Ralph! ;)

-----------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, here's the stupidest thing a classmate said in my school:

Teacher: Romeo and Juliet takes place in Italy.
Girl: Where's Italy?
Teacher: You know, the "boot-shaped country"?
Girl: Is it in Asia?
Teacher: No. It's in Europe.
Girl: Where in Europe?
Teacher: The south.
Girl: And it looks like a boot?!

:)

When learning the capitals of US states and territories:

"Puerto Rico?! Isn't that in mexico?"

On the Iraq War:

"Why don't they just tell all the good people to like...just ride away on their camels or something...and them bomb the bad guys."

maybe because she can spell mahatma gandhi and you cant?

I think they were looking for Mohandas, which was his first name.

We were reading the Diary of Anne Frank in english class and one kid asked "who wrote the Diary of Anne Frank"

Not school but a few of us were inventing random terms to try and curse the bowlers (playing proper skittles).

"Presanctified ducks" was deemed most effective.

Discombobulated camels" was a sure-fire hit.

I can't remember any others but they were fun.

Also, the the really smart 'good girl' was discussing the polio drops (nasty salty thing) with her friends right next to the girls discussing blowjobs. During a gap in the commentary on flavour from th second group she said "It didn't taste that salty."

The whole class went very quiet.


And of course there was the memorable teacher who we were pretty sure was stoned the whole time we had her. No good quotes, she was just nuts.

Hume, oh yes, the sceptic.

Well, I can't remember any good ones from students... but I do remember one from a substitute teacher for our technology class...
He was claiming that airplanes turn in the direction of the wing that more air is pushing against because the force of the air pushes the wing back and moves the plane in that direction... Me and two other guys in the class started arguing with him for about 5 minutes and he never admitted that he was wrong, what an idiot.

Both from one person.

"Hey! Why don't you part these people like Jesus parted the Red Sea!"

Also,

Me: "... Telephone."
Idiot from first thing: "Don't use such long words!"
Me: "What, telephone?"
Idiot: "Yeah!"

In Eigth Grade, and the kid goes to church every Sunday. Oh, and those are some of the 'smarter' examples.

"Middle ages..... they were around 17.....*worried looks*....18.......?"

This one girl (blonde, what a surprise) in my American history class asked, "Did the Confederates win the Civil War?" It's scary how ignorant some people are.

Well, the stupidest, or at least most ignorant one I can think of was in Social Studies. We were talking about the Cold War, don't remember the details. One boy stands up and proclaims that: "America is the greatest nation in the world and we cannot be beaten! We are strong and we are afraid of no one! :mp5: Oh, and Muslims should not be allowed in this country because they have dangerous beliefs." Then he says something about the Axis of Evil, and that democrats are stupid and Go Bush.

It's not even patriotic, really. Many times he has tried to give the class misleading information. Intentional? I don't know. :headbang:

"What's so big a deal about having an abortion"
^
Some really ardent pro-abortionist in my AP History class

A friend of mine was answering a question in Year 8 (ages 12/13 for those non-Brits) about the reformation in England and about the differences between Catholics and Protestants. He said:

"Well the prossies...(slag for prostitutes)"

The teacher threw him out of the class. Oh how we laughed.

Ohhh! Heres one!

In the middle of History.

Teacher: "Yes, you."
Dumb Girl: "I had pop-tarts for breakfast."
Teacher: "Moving on..."

In grade 12 a classmate asked: "What's the holocaust?"
In a second year university politics class a student asked: "Isn't the media supposed to be unbiased?"

My economics teacher once accidentally said this:

"The government has to decide a lot of important issues on the subject of Law Enforcement, like how are we going to do the drugs?"

He's like Dubya, he mis-states things a lot. Here's some more of his gems:

"For the good of the better."
"We get imports from other countries like Europe."
"Countries in other companies are not counted in our GDP."

'Yoshi'(Don't ask):"Is it true that when you walk into Virginia your I.Q. goes down?"
Kid from post one:"No, that's Kentucky."
Teacher:"I'm from Kentucky."

In grade 12 a classmate asked: "What's the holocaust?"
In a second year university politics class a student asked: "Isn't the media supposed to be unbiased?"

That is just plain frightening, I mean, remember the saying: Those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it!

It's amazing how borderline illiterate some people are.

"Doesn't shallow mean high?"

"What's bias?" I hear this at least 13 times in any class in which it's mentioned. It's the same people over and over again, I swear to God.

An attempt at reading "intellectual": "They had many...inter..lectrical people"

It's sad when you have to listen to some people read Shakespeare out loud.

Mr. Adamo: "what's a socialist?"
Sarah: "someone that talks alot?"

I was the only one in my class who thought this was funny, but oh well.

Mr. Adamo: "Communists in russia aren't reactionary, They're left of center."
Me: "who's conservative then"
Mr. Adamo: "That's a hard one... I'd say people that want the czars back."
Josh: "Wait, the communists were in Russia? I thought they were in England."

(This is what happens when you force idiots to read animal farm in English.)

Mr. Adamo is such an idiot. I remember the final I just had.

This second one isn't from school but whatever.
*I post a pic of Che Guevera*
Lame Bums: "I've seen that guy before... Wasn't he a celebrity or something?"

The sad part is it was on these forums.]

I was amazed when I took a junior level college geometry course that was basically an instant replay of high school geometry, and I seemed to be one 5 people (being a little generous I believe) out of 80 that had any clue what was going on. This course should not even exist, let alone be a challenge. It's basic stuff that you should know by the end of high school. This class is intended for education majors. I am frightened to know that the people that will teaching our children in the future are uneducated.

"I don't believe in gay abortion..."

And people say I live a sheltered life.

maybe because she can spell mahatma gandhi and you cant?

his original name was mohandes. he changed it later, for some reason involving the meanings of the names.