NationStates Jolt Archive

Every society has them, everybody unknowingly enforces them, I am determined to list them:

1. Wear Clothes

2. No wetting other people pants

3. If you ever perform any stunt seen on Boiling Points society will shun you

4. NO WHITE RAPPERS!

5. Fifty Cent is not to be considered from "the hood" He lives in Connecticut for crying out loud!

Now, take it away.

6. If you live in the suburbs, you are NOT from the ghetto. The only exception to this is if you have recently moved there FROM the ghetto (and I mean a ghetto-ghetto, like parts of big cities like Philly, Detroit, Chicago, etc.)

If this is not the case, stop acting like you're from the ghetto. You aren't.

7. Left-handed people are universally accepted as weird.

8. Never pick your nose and immediatley resume typing at a keyboard. it's still sticky...

9. Never sneese in someone else's face unless they really, really deserve it.

10. Only streak when too drunk to remember

11. Never take pictures of others' streaking. It just causes mutual embarrassment later.

12. Never fart hard into your seat, then get up and take a good whiff. at least not with company.

13. Your girlfriend/wife (/mother?) is always right.

14. When working, the customer is also always right, but they are still assholes. Remind them of this as often as possible.

nice idea btw :p

15. Don't shoot puppys

16. Don't have sex with cows (they're holy)

17. Gunslinging is safew for proffessionals only

18. Billy the kid is alive

19. You're not a goth, so start taking antidepressants and get a job

20. I rule

21. 42 is the almighty meaning of life

22. 50 Cent cannot be considered a rapper because he is called Curtis

23. Eminem is not a man, he is walking innuendo

24. TWitches is thy God, accept it and be free

21. 42 is the almighty meaning of life

25. Never ask the question of life.

25. Never ask the question of life.
What is six times nine


Dammit! I broke a rule

21. 42 is the almighty meaning of life

26. You should have waited for number 42 before you posted that one.

http://www.franksreelreviews.com/shorttakes/reelrant/franksrant0703.htm

http://www.franksreelreviews.com/shorttakes/reelrant/franksrant0703.htm
I like this bit:
We all know that Ol' Yeller's death was funny

27: People are stupid

28. A job well done is an invitation to do it next time.

29. Consider yourself lucky if listening to a Eulogy. At least they're not talking about you.

30. Life is only a test. Were it not you'd have been given better instructions.

31. Sharks don't swim in our pools. We shouldn't swim in their oceans.

32. Old Yeller isn't dead

I like this bit:

Indeed, although overlaughing is very fun and anoying to others.

87. Order doesn't matter

32 1/2. If a man has a shotgun aimed at you, he's right. Everything he says, every word of it.
Oh yeah, and he's also 'Sir' instead of 'that stupid hillbilly'.

33. Spam up, for your anniversary

87. Order doesn't matter
87 again. Repetition may or may not matter.

34. If a hillbilly has a shotgun aimed at you, call him liberal. The thought will frighten him so much you'll have time to run off

36. Never underestimate the power of failure. (Russell Johnsen)

37. Speak as fast or slow as you like, i'll still ignore you at the same speed. (myself)

38. Remember: Pillage first, THEN burn.

39. Never talk about religion or politics. They always break you apart.

87. Repetition is the mother of skill.

87. we now must get 1003 reasons.

40. Society is always right. No matter how wrong it is.

41. You're music is always bad because there's always someone who hates it.

87 again. Repetition may or may not matter.

88 Though it does have it's merits

42. Never think before you speak or you'll seem either stupid or arrogant.

43. The magical number 87 can be used in any context whatsoever

44. stoners are cool and super-intelligent. respect your new masters.

6. If you live in the suburbs, you are NOT from the ghetto. The only exception to this is if you have recently moved there FROM the ghetto (and I mean a ghetto-ghetto, like parts of big cities like Philly, Detroit, Chicago, etc.)

If this is not the case, stop acting like you're from the ghetto. You aren't.

What if you're Jewish?

http://www.franksreelreviews.com/shorttakes/reelrant/franksrant0703.htm

damnit, no makin out in the auditorium, why the hell not?

What if you're Jewish?

Then you better be black ;)

Actually, this is supposed to be humorous so the association with whites and ghettos is strictly in good humor and not to be taken seriously(if that actually is what you were doing.


45. Women cant use men's bathrooms due to the fact that urinals exist

46. men are welcome in womens bathrooms.

That was just an in general post.

47. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Unless you get crippled.

48. When in doubt, punt.

49. There are no such things as orbital mind control lasers.

50. If you tug it more than twice you're playing with it.

51. If you commited a serious crime just claim to be insane and you'll be fine.

52. New shoes are an effective form of pain relief

53. Never put anything in writing that you can simply stand on your roof and shout naked

54. Your weird friend who lives in his basement preparing for the "Zombie Apocalypse" isn't as crazy as you think

55. Street signs make handy and inexpensive interior decorations

56. Pineapple on hamburgers is a traversty against all of creation

57. Adding 'butter' to a sentence increases its humor a great deal.

58. Never stop for a stop sign, they are for others benifit not yours

59. Chick is your god, get over it.

60. Octaday IS a day of the week

61. Being a baby inherently makes you cute, unless you're an ugly baby.
62. If some one says "Bless your/their/his/her/its heart," assume something is wrong.
63. Do not take candy from strangers, unless they work at *insert random big corporation*.

64. Being an ugly baby inherently makes you ugly, unless you are a fugly baby.

65. When In doubt, shoot it.

Assign random number:

Them that has, gets

There ain't no such thing as a free lunch

If people are getting you down and all the world seems against you, take a good look at yourself and ask: Am I being a complete c*nt?

Jokes involving ducks are funnier.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Get over it.

Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.

Moderation is for monks.

66. Lists are long

67. Godzilla is real He lives on an island

68. :fluffle:

69. Nuff Siad

70. Potty is an acceptable term for a third grader

72. Poker is a goverment conspiracy

73. pwned is a real word

74. There is no 71

75. Kilometers are infinately worse than miles

76. Myrth Myrth Myrth

Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.

Moderation is for monks.


To keep on the Heinlein theme:

77 If, in a family argument, it turns out that you were right, apologize at once.

70something) truth is stranger than fiction, unless if and only if told by conspiracy theorists

79. Your mom goes to college

80. Asians are short... usually

81. Tetris is about the best game ever

82. Fuck is a swear word

83. Asians are hot. ;)

84. Guys are idiots.

85. Girls are dumb.

83) Some rule or another has to deal with Aisans

86. people should be shot :D

84) 83 was too late.

87. 84 was too late also.

1001) People are impatient.

88. Muslims aren't crazy. You are.

89. This world isn't real. It's ALLL in your head.

90. Pie.

91. Girls are always smarter than boys

92. But boys can parallel park

What if you're Jewish?

If your old enough to be a Jewish person from the ghettos, then you can talk like a... jigger? Personally, I would think it would be great to see a 60ish rabbi's wife say "Nuh uh, girlfriend! Talk to the hand!" or "Jew Bling"

93. If you must piss in the pool, do it near the water intake vent so nobody notices.

94. When cutting through a diesel line with an angle grinder, check there is no diesel in the line.

95. Old people. Ya can't beat 'em...... Shame really.

GOATSE

96. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

97. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

98. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

99. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

100. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.

101. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help
section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

111. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

112. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

113. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it
considered a hostage situation?

114. Is there another word for synonym?

115. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

116. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

117. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

118. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

119. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

120. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

121. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

122. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?

123. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

124. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road
signs?

125. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

126. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

127. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

128. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

129. How is it possible to have a civil war?

130. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

131. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

132. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

133. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

134. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

135. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

136. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

137. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become
disoriented?

138. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

96. If you're going to be violent, you should clean out some of the floaters in the gene pool.

7. Left-handed people are universally accepted as weird.

as a left-handed person, i couldnt agree more.

97. Only an idiot wants to prove they're evolved from monkeys. :rolleyes:

139 - never argue with an idiot, he will just drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

140 - always assume that everyones an idiot until proven otherwise.

141 - never piss off a policeman or woman on a cold day, they will always prefer to be in the warm filling in the paperwork

142 - if it looks too good to be true, it probably isnt.

143 - friendly fire isnt.

144 - if the enemy are in range SO ARE YOU!

145 - never be in a dangerous situation with somone braver than you

143. All that glitters isn't gold. It's a lawsuit

144. Fat people are funny

145. fat people riding bicycles are even funnier

146. Never ever puke in your mate's car.

147. Party photos only serve to embarass after the fact

148. spread some love.

118. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Dipteran.

120. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Dead.

133. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
It originates from Anglo-Saxon, when it meant to pronounce the "s" sound as a "th", not regarding speech impediments. Spaniards do it all the time.

134. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
Because it's derived from the Greek haima, not aster.

137. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become
disoriented?
Only if he's not facing east.

97. Only an idiot wants to prove they're evolved from monkeys. :rolleyes:
I know, it's really cruel to the monkeys to embarass them like that...

149. AOL is pure evil.

150. Windows is the anti-christ.

151. Bill Gates is both God AND Satan.

152. Linux is for nerds, geeks, and hackers.

153. An Apple is a fruit.

154. If you stab someone, stab them with a clean and sterile knife to reduce the risk of infection if they don't die.

155. Before donating money to the U.N., remember the Oil-for-food scandal.

156. If you are in the posistion to mess with a weaker opponent and win; do it.

157. Gun + drunken bliss= alot of dead people.

158. Don't you EVER paint your nose purple and orangutan. Ever.

159. I'm friggen serious.

160. When you can tell you're just ranting on, stop!

161. The Yankees are all demons.

162. The Red Sox are Uber.

163. In a sword-fight between the Yankees and Red Sox, the Red Sox would win. Because they have a green monster. All the yankees have is a bat with a hat.

164. If you see something that rhymes, like "bat" and "hat", laugh at it.

165. Don't laugh at mentally challanged/homeless people out loud.

166. Laugh at them in your head all you want.

167. Squirrels + nuts(not the ones on trees...)= OMFG!!!

168. The Lightning Star is better than you. Deal with it.

169. "God has as much a place in School as facts have in organized religion!"

170. When you know you've gone over the edge; stop.

171. But you can't really stop when you're over the edge, can ye?

172. I mean, unless you can defy gravity...

as a left-handed person, i couldnt agree more.

Ditto. :)

173. Ron Jeremy is God

174. Pirates are cool

175. Don't fluffle the homophobes

176. Or the rabid animals

177. John Howard is a wanker because he is short, bald and impotent.

178. John Howard is a god because he is short, bald and omnipotent

179. never do something that someone else will do for free.

180. remember your keys

181. Only fashion-obsessed twats use apple macs nowadays. :gundge:

182. Women are irrational

183. Men only want sex

184. Even the old man limping his way down the old folks home with the aide of a walker. He wants sex, and only sex.

185. Star Trek did not invent anything.

186. Ninjas do not use pistols. :mp5:

187. You take chances everyday... getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in the fan.

188. Parachutes are not necessary for Skydiving. Only for landing safely.

189. If at first you don't succeed... then a career in the Bomb Squad is not for you.

190. sometime you get the bear, and sometimes you need to toss a person infront of you and run while the bear is busy.

191. Always look both ways before smaking the tortise.

192. To see it it's dead, poke it with a stick.

192. Watch out for the broccli, it attacks at random.

193. If you wanna act smart in a classroom, rasie your hand even if you dont know the answer. Then just say you forgot.

134. The world won't get better till we get rid of capitalism...

135. ...But that isn't going be soon, in the mean time go shopping.

136. Only when the last tree has been cut down and the last river has dried up will man realize that reciting red indian proverbs makes you sound like a fucking muppet.

194. If you pick it it won't get better.

195. Toast always lands butter side down.

196. Parents never stop thinking they are right no matter how old you get.

197. People who have made up their minds have stopped listening.

198. If you wearing clean underwear in case of an accident they won't by the time you are in one.

199. If you picket, it won't get better.

199. If the Government gets up your nose, picket!

200. you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends off on your arse

201. kinky friedman is a god

202. vote

200. you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends off on your arse


203. Speak for yourself, mate.

203. Speak for yourself, mate.

you must have some odd friends :)


204. though shalt have no other god than me (releveant to whoever says it)

205. Don't be afraid to strangle the elderly. What? They deserve it!

206. Yes, the fact that you were stupid IS your fault. Stop trying to get rich off your stupidity through the courts.

207. Don't feed the Mods

208. Make "them" think you're doing what "they" tell you but, but really you're a trojan horse. And a trojan hamster.

I love two things about this thread. The way the numbers make no sense, and the fact that many of these rules are actually written down and enforced by men with guns.

207. Don't feed the Mods
especially after midnight ;)

Oh nooo! The Modlins!

209. If Modlins are bothering you, buy a furbie to save the day

especially after midnight ;)

You sure they aren't already the result of feeding some cute furry harmless creatures after midnight? I wonder which won was the evil one that unplugged the clock.

especially after midnight ;)

i heard they quite like it if you get them wet tho.

too easy.

210. if it looks too good to be true - steal it

211. if you can make a joke out of it do it and fuck the consequences

212. Or your girlfriend instead

213. If a tree falls in the forest and no one's around to hear it, it doesn't make a sound. That noise is the other trees giggling.

214. If you can't say something intelligent: quote the matrix

213. If a tree falls in the forest and no one's around to hear it, it doesn't make a sound. That noise is the other trees giggling.

hahahaha

215. Coffee is better than tea. Really.

216. When someone starts spouting proverbs at random, remember to kill them for the good of society.

217. WARNING: Beavers may have rabies!

218. When you see a sign in a foreign language, ignore it.

219. Wireless mouses aren't for use on glass tables.

220. If you come up with a product, don't put a swear in it's name.

221. If you do, the mothers of America will find you and torture you.

666. Satan is your friend.

223. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.

224. Unless you're all drunk. So then it's ok.

225. When you stay up late, you wake up late.

1001. People are still impatient.

1001. People are still impatient.

662. sMe peplee ra rrely bd tprs.

227. Thou shalt not wear navy blue and black at the same time

228. If you wear spiked heels on an icy day you deserve to fall down.

229. Stupid people shouldn't breed.

230. Being liberal does NOT make one evil. Being evil makes one evil.

231. Eve was framed.

232. If the ladies' is full and the men's empty, use the men's.

233. System architects make good boyfriends.

234. Wines made in California are swill.

235. Wine should NEVER be PINK.

236. Spell check is a gift from god.
236. Decaf coffee has no reason to exist.

236. Decaf coffee has no reason to exist.

HEATHEN!!!

1002. Some people are overacheivers.

0) Some people aim too low

1004(?)--Prissy private school kids should not act like they're poor and from the ghetto, especially in a ghetto area. Trust me, It's a problem.

237) We're suppose to be at number 237

1000 Men finish before women

238) Some men can't count

0) Some people aim too low
-1001) While others spiral into a pit of self-destruction

239) most women have too little sense of humor

240) 7 is always the answer unless the question is wrong.

241) unless you have actually read the Hitch Hikers Guide. Then you'll know it is actually 42

239) most women have too little sense of humor

242) Most men don't know the meaning of humour.

242. Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII is the coolest Badguy in history.

242) Groundhog numbers are fun

244.) Never give anal to dead chicks.

245) There are always three 242's in every list

246. There is no try, only do

247. Colin Farrell is not a man, but a psionic monster who consumes real actors and steals their essence, including their movie rolls. This is why he is in every second movie coming out of hollywood. It does not, however, explain his bizarre propensity to punctuate every third word oh his interviews with the word 'fuck'

248. There is not such thing as 'reverse-racism'

246) Bananas are supposed to be bent

247. The Final Fantasy series is bigger than all of us. Combined.

247. Never feed the hamsters, particularly if they're demented! :D

246) Bananas are supposed to be bent
248) As opposed to 'bananas'. If your 'banana' gets bent, it'd be a good idea to go see a doctor.

247. Never feed the hamsters, particularly if they're demented! :D

My 247 came before your 247 :p!

247b) An beer a day, keeps the doctor away

252. Numbering lists on a populous forum is difficult

248) People can't count

300. No one is as dumb as everyone together.

341) "What?" is a perfectly good answer

173. Ron Jeremy is God


Edit:
173. Ron Jeremy is hedgehog.

666) It's cool to say you're Satanist and put a bunch of inverted crosses and '666's on things. Or at least that's what all the angsty teens seem to think.

174: If their are already 173 laws, you can just go to the last page and post without reading past eighty

87: Lyrics sound stupid when not in a song

342: Public urination is disgusting, while pubic urination is messy.

244.) Never give anal to dead chicks.
Or take it?
I thought it was, Never take anal from a porpoise.

249) Never mind the bollocks.

what number are we on????) People probably won't realize that we'll get to 1001 rules before we realize it.

250) Punk is NEVER dead

345: Always ignore quoted rules and thier numbers.

251. Samuel Jackson was not in The Matrix

252. Lawrence Fishburne is not a Jedi

The number of any rule is irrelevant.

Spelling is irrelevant.

Irrelevancy is irrelevant.

Emo is not emo.

Punk is not punk.

Posers are not posers.

People don't make sense.

Numbers ARE relevant. What is "Thou shalt not kill" was commandment # 23. No one would have believed it was on the stone tablet

253) I have a headache.

345: We are really on 345. Look at the last page.

248. if you see some one riding a Unicycle you must call out to them "Hay! you've lost your front wheel!"



man that pisses me off!

345: We are really on 345. Look at the last page.
346) 345 was already done

251) if the neighbour has a bigger car, crap on it

We're obviously on number Q

352) Locks aren't funny

People like to mess with other people's logic.

Aliens exist.

Statistics suck

353: Keys are hilarous.

354) especially C sharp

355: A bass saxophone, played at its lowest register, is an extermly amusing insrument.

356. Spike is sexy. Especially the one on BTVS.

357. Some people like that show.

358. They do.

359. I swear.

360. Dodos never went extinct, they simply used their vastly superior intelligence to carefully mold the human race into mindless drones. Then they discovered cigarettes and died from lung cancer.

361. Smeg.

362) all music on MTV is shit

363) the radio is useless except for garrison keillor

364) being white and wearing FUBU/corn rows is not cool

365) vince neil is dead, no matter what anyone tells you

366) 51% of americans are stupid

367) no one listens to a rant except people who already believe you

368) Rules can be repeated as necessary.

369) Colours are pretty.

370) Rules can be repeated as necessary.

371) colours are pretty

372) Everyone in the world is a moron but yourself.

373. You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose.

374) Always wear pants, unless streaking
375) No shirt, no shoes, no service, except at the drive through window.
376) do NOT park on the park way, for the love of God
377) the top speed of a car decreases with age, the driver's age

373. You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose.
378) Unless you tie him/her down very firmly.

379: SonicTeam is your god

oh yeah
the number we are on now) MTV hasnt played music in at least 5 years

380) Honk if you like hooters

380) Honk if you like hooters
381) Honk if you don't like hooters.
382) Oh, bugger it. Just fecking honk.

383. There are no government conspiracies, except for one - the one that convinces us that there are no government conspiracies

384. Make sure that all relationship breakups are as memorable and catastrophic as possible

385. Aliens do not travel hundered of light years just to stick things up the butts of hillybillies

386. See Rule 387.
387. See Rule 386.
388. Politicians look fine on television, but if you ever meet one in real life they will invade your personal space.

385. Aliens do not travel hundered of light years just to stick things up the butts of hillybillies

LOL! :D

389. cookies are great

390. Human fetuses are an excellent source of protein.

391. Never eat a human fetus.

392. Never eat Chinese food on Friday the 13th unless your penis is six inches long exactly in which case you must eat castrated koala bear with garlic topping.

392. Never eat Chinese food on Friday the 13th unless your penis is six inches long exactly in which case you must eat castrated koala bear with garlic topping.
good rule that. follow it to the letter all ye heathens

393. 79.82% of all statistics are made up on the spot

394. you are never lost. you are temporarily misplaced.

395. If we trusted action movies, all bad guys' minions would be dead because they never aim right.

396. dead languages live on.

397. no one has ever had fun in middle school.

398. its time to shower if you can smell yourself.

391. Never eat a human fetus.
399. Unless you ask it very politely first.
:D

400. time will NEVER stop

400. time will NEVER stop
400. Except for right now. Other than this, never.

401. If it looks like a cow thats fallen from a jet plane, do no marry it.

402. Don't feed the Trolls.

403. My God's dick is bigger than your god's.

404. God is dead.

405. FNORD!

406. Honk if you're horny.

407: The blind don't skydive, it scares the dog

408. All of your issues and problems in life are just under a highly organized set of sociological observations. Do you think you are special?

409: You are not special, and neither is the celebrities you worship (excepting Stephen Fry)

the number we are on) halogen headlamps on cars are teh suck
the number after that) if 2 cars are driving side by side, going the same speed on a 2 lane highway, switching from one lane to the other will let you go faster!

410. No petting in the Swimming Pool
411. Say 'pip pip' before entry of a public building
412. Mandatory Charity Tax of 5% MINIMUM basic

414. Greet a person via a religous salutation
415. Integrate, But Don't Assimilate in society
416. Take Centrist path if trying to create a balance in a Leftist/Rightist soc.
417. Make sure you take off ur shoes before entering a house
418. Promote Grass Root and Amateur Sports
419. Show love and Respect to thy neighbour

407: The blind don't skydive, it scares the dog

420. Except for when the dog is a St. Bernard. They can fly, y'know! You just can't tell.

421. If you build it, he will come.
422. If you jerk it, he will cum.

413. The number 413 is often overlooked

423. NEVER wear a vest with a short-sleeved shirt.
424. With a tie
425. And white shoes
$@^> BEWARE CAPS LOCK
427. Pizza IS its own food group.
428. A Bass is cool
429. Several basses are cooler
430. Peanut butter does NOT go with pickles.

431. Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow

432. Never do tomorrow what you can pay somebody else to do instead

433. Never pay someone to do anything you can force them to do for free

434. Cheetos are best eaten when naked and sitting in a bean-bag chair.

435. Never try backing up an RV.

436. Listen to Christian music. Most cute chicks dig it.

437. Older girls do not go out with younger guys. Trust me, I tried it. Freshman year, I tried asking out our Drum Major in the band, a Junior. You don't want the weight of that on your shoulders, especially in High School.

438. Following rule #436 does not override 437, but can make for some interesting experiences.

Older girls do not go out with younger guys.
My own personal experience would indicate otherwise. ;)

My own personal experience would indicate otherwise. ;)

No, I'm talking about that kind of situation where SHE can drive, but I can't, yet.
...
But times have changed, since then.

439. Trolling and spamming are not as bad as they are made out to be.
440. Jon Stewart is the most trustworthy newsman in the US.

440. i am god
441. i am the anti-christ
442. white people do not rap. they play rock/metal
443. black people do not play rock/metal. they rap
444. if you are white, you are not black
445. i am god
446. wiggers should die
447. i am the anti-christ
448. if sex is a pain in the ass, you are doing it in the wrong place.

449. Dildos do not go into the nostril.
450. If you dip your head in camel spit, you'll turn into a drunken lizard midget from southern Sri Lanka.
451. Never eat cake with your buttcheeks.

oh yes.
452. science is proven.
453. sex is good, dont hate it

455. i am god
456. i am the anti-christ
457. jesus is really satan
458. jesus realy hates you
459. unless you are a virgin girl, and then he loves you if you save yourself for him

oops.
454. i am god

460. AMOTION isn't really god

461 - no matter how much mommy and daddy care and tell you that you're special, the rest of the world doesn't give a flying rat's ass, unless you're famous, in which case you only get the respect because you're "someone". Remember, no matter how famous you are, you're still an asshole like the rest of us.

460. AMOTION isn't really god
462. Neither is anybody or anything else.
463. In fact, none of it really exists anyway.
464. It's all in your head.
465. Correction: All in my head.
466. It's fun pretending to be a solipsist.

467. yes i am god, bow before me.

468. Have a hat

469. If the neighbors turn on obnoxious loud evil music DO NOT repeat DO NOT THE FUZZ, instead depending on their ethnicity select alternate loud music. When my Mexican neighbors crank it up I put on Macedonian bagpipes, if it's the Black neighbors I put on Turbofolk, if it's the Redneck neighbors cranking the country music too loud, well then I put on sevdelinke, or banghra, or I crank up TaTy. Nas ne dogonjat is good. Everyone is glad NOT to have had the fuzz called and it gets real quiet real soon because I'm nice, I'll turn down my noise the minute you all turn down your noise. :)

500.. Do not yell things at people from your car. Especially don't use microphones to do that. I'm liable to throw something brown and squishy at your rig. I'm being nice it could have been a rock.

501. DO NOT drive through my neighborhood with your sound system on real loud. It makes my trigger finger itch. I might get out my Uzi and make sure you have air-condition
502. If the porch light is broken, and it is night don't go to introduce yourself to the neighbor lady. She will not be happy. She might set the phasers to stun. She might shoot to kill.

502. If you yelled at me for wearing some clothes in the Summer and I see you wearing those belly exposing jeans in the winter or shorts or a mini skirt,or I see you walking through the snow in no coat, you better hope I don't remember you. I will gloat LOUDLY over how cold you are.

503. Do not go to people's houses with religious tracts unless you are willing to recieve some of theirs in return. At my house you will recieve a tract, VERY strong coffee, and a lecture. Don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about either because I probably know what I'm talking about better than you do.

503. Don't try to be the boss of anyone who'se dead ancestors are better than your dead ancestors. It will never work.

504. Only have sex with people who'se dead ancestors were healthy and beautiful.

504. Only have sex with people who'se dead ancestors were healthy and beautiful.
505. If you actually care about how their dead ancestors look...
506. Like if you're having sex with the dead ancestors too.
507. Not that I have anything against necrophilia. As long as it's consentual!
:D

449. Dildos do not go into the nostril.
450. If you dip your head in camel spit, you'll turn into a drunken lizard midget from

508. Unless you're turned on by some fucking freaky stuff. I mean, masochism's okay and all, but that must hurt like hell.

509 - no matter how much you hate high school, you inevitably at some point make use of that so-called useless information you were FORCED to learn...

510 - If you write down rules, you cannot call them "unwritten".

511. Ronald Reagan is great.
512. Dick Cheney is the best VP ever.
513. Women can look good in mens' clothing.
514. Men cannot look good in womens' clothing.
515. The Telletubbies are watching you.
516. And they have guns.
517. Guns with very large calibers.

18. I have really bad timing

1000000110. People don't understand binary
0011010100110001001110010000110100001010. Especially me

1000000110. People don't understand binary
1000000111. 0100010101111000011000110110010101110000011101000010000001100110011011110111001000100000011011010110 010100101110

And if you can read that without help, you must be superhuman or something.

520: If you go to the hospital with something lodged up your ass, we know you did not fall on it.

520: If you go to the hospital with something lodged up your ass, we know you did not fall on it.
521. Especially if it's a vibrator.

522. If you have a drawer full of candy, do not ask your 6 year old to go get a pen for you out of your desk.

523. Never use artificial sweetner and sugar at the same time.

524. There is only one good diet. I allows a lot of cheese and chocolate. It doesn't exist.

525. 525 backwards is still 525

526. No one is perfect. Get over it.

527. Smile.

528. *insert random saying here*

529. Branin 5:12, When one is flirted with, one must flirteth in return.

530. Branin 5:13, Unless is that the flirter is exeedingly unfine, or thou art at the present attached, as it may be.

531. Never post when you are unfunny, bored, not funny, very tired, and humorless.

532. Follow rule 531. In honor of rule 531 my post is hereby over.

531. Never post when you are unfunny, bored, not funny, very tired, and humorless.

532. Follow rule 531. In honor of rule 531 my post is hereby over.
I'm following rule 531, so I'm preemptively ending my post.

I'm following rule 531, so I'm preemptively ending my post.

:p LOL

533. I like Chicken
534. Most of you are idiots
535. Most of you will never know where Kanjiksaualaujjak is
536. If there truly is no meaning to life, why are we here?
537. make sure to always have a point when trying to make up an unwritten rule(see above)
538. Unwritten rules are usually unwritten(these 538 unwritten rules are one of the few exceptions to the rule)
539. rules must be followed.
540 unless you are american.
541. if your ass is on fire, you should probably put it out.
542. if you havn't travelled outside of your state/province/county/shireship(?), you cannot, no matter how much you think so ever consider yourself to be well travelled
543. most people will not have read this rule.
544. even more will not even consider reading it.
545. and only one will take the time to write it.
546 I am going to write another 9 rules before the end of the post.
547. most of you will have given up by now
548. most of you are slackers.
549. I like generalising people.
550. seplling always counts
551. grammer so does too
552. Sometimes even global rulers want to just hang out.
553. I think this is my first post
554. I never lie
555. take your moniter and flip it upside down, now you will have a moniter that doesn't look right.
556. I lied once in my life.
557. There will not be 1001 unwritten rules of society written in this forum.
558. Most people will do like me and skew it to their own devices.
559. black socks never get dirty
560. The French really aren't that bad, mabey if you could understand their language you would see that they have already given up.
561. I am done now

"a ball-peen hammer applied right behind the ear[of the child] is usually very effective"

561. I am done now
I contest that rule! It's not true!

562. Rule #561 may never, ever be contested. ever.

504. Only have sex with people who'se dead ancestors were healthy and beautiful.

We're sorry if someone missed our point, this is not advocacy of necrophilia.
We're here assuming a reliance on accurate portraits, findable in museums and the appearance of the person themself. umm go meet the parents and make sure they aren't buttugly.

510 - If you write down rules, you cannot call them "unwritten".

563. If you are allergic to absolutely EVERYTHING...please please please just stay home, umm don't make babies either. They don't want to be allergic to everything.

564. threads that say 1001 unwritten rules should be closed when the 1001st rule is entered

565. The phrase "Squeeze Toothpaste from the bottom" is not meant to be taken literally.

566. If you can't prove something right or wrong, don't debate it. (See arguments for and against God's existance.)

567. Do not post rules on a forum that state that you are in some kind of position of power (IE "i am god") and expect people to think it's funny. Seriously, that stuff went out when the freaking internet was invented.

568. Violation of rule 567 means that you are probably twelve years old, or at least, it will make you appear as such.

569. If you listen to an endless loop of "Dragostea Din Tei", you do not deserve to procreate (If you ever do).

That one was just for you, Myrth. ;)

570. bush is a dumbass

571. When you pull down your pants to sit on the toilet bowl, don't fart before you sit. If not your face would be at your arse's height. And you'll get a whiffull of the 'goodness gracious me'.

572. When working in a freezer, beware of frosty nipple pinching by your mates.

573. When you want to masturbate, remember to lock the door and pull down the shades, unless you want camera-carrying neighbours taking photo's of you and the occasional "Mother" walking through the door.

392. Never eat Chinese food on Friday the 13th unless your penis is six inches long exactly in which case you must eat castrated koala bear with garlic topping.

I'm three inches too big for that.

574. INsecure people over-compensate

575. Read directions.
576. Fluffle :fluffle:
577. There is only one road to happiness. No one knows what it is.
577. Fluffle more. :fluffle: :fluffle:
578. Always respect Myrth's space.
579. Men suck and girls are manipulitive....
580. So fluffle whichever one you are not. :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

581: Don't shout profanities at mongooses.
582: Don't call mongooses mongeese.
583: Or mongeeses.

1. Wear Clothes

2. No wetting other people pants

3. If you ever perform any stunt seen on Boiling Points society will shun you

4. NO WHITE RAPPERS!

5. Fifty Cent is not to be considered from "the hood" He lives in Connecticut for crying out loud!

6. If you live in the suburbs, you are NOT from the ghetto. The only exception to this is if you have recently moved there FROM the ghetto (and I mean a ghetto-ghetto, like parts of big cities like Philly, Detroit, Chicago, etc.)

7. Left-handed people are universally accepted as weird.

8. Never pick your nose and immediatley resume typing at a keyboard. it's still sticky...

9. Never sneese in someone else's face unless they really, really deserve it.

10. Only streak when too drunk to remember

11. Never take pictures of others' streaking. It just causes mutual embarrassment later.

12. Never fart hard into your seat, then get up and take a good whiff. at least not with company.

13. Your girlfriend/wife (/mother?) is always right.

14. When working, the customer is also always right, but they are still assholes. Remind them of this as often as possible.

15. Don't shoot puppys

16. Don't have sex with cows (they're holy)

17. Gunslinging is safew for proffessionals only

18. Billy the kid is alive

19. You're not a goth, so start taking antidepressants and get a job

20. I rule

21. 42 is the almighty meaning of life

22. 50 Cent cannot be considered a rapper because he is called Curtis

23. Eminem is not a man, he is walking innuendo

24. TWitches is thy God, accept it and be free

25. Never ask the question of life.

26. (in response to 21) You should have waited for number 42 before you posted that one.

27: People are stupid

28. A job well done is an invitation to do it next time.

29. Consider yourself lucky if listening to a Eulogy. At least they're not talking about you.

30. Life is only a test. Were it not you'd have been given better instructions.

31. Sharks don't swim in our pools. We shouldn't swim in their oceans.

32. Old Yeller isn't dead

87. Order doesn't matter

32 1/2. If a man has a shotgun aimed at you, he's right. Everything he says, every word of it.
Oh yeah, and he's also 'Sir' instead of 'that stupid hillbilly'.

33. Spam up, for your anniversary

87 again. Repetition may or may not matter.

34. If a hillbilly has a shotgun aimed at you, call him liberal. The thought will frighten him so much you'll have time to run off

36. Never underestimate the power of failure. (Russell Johnsen)

37. Speak as fast or slow as you like, i'll still ignore you at the same speed. (myself)

38. Remember: Pillage first, THEN burn.

39. Never talk about religion or politics. They always break you apart.

87. Repetition is the mother of skill.

87. we now must get 1003 reasons.

40. Society is always right. No matter how wrong it is.

41. You're music is always bad because there's always someone who hates it.

42. Never think before you speak or you'll seem either stupid or arrogant.

43. The magical number 87 can be used in any context whatsoever

44. stoners are cool and super-intelligent. respect your new masters.

45. Women cant use men's bathrooms due to the fact that urinals exist

46. men are welcome in womens bathrooms.

47. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Unless you get crippled.

48. When in doubt, punt.

49. There are no such things as orbital mind control lasers.

50. If you tug it more than twice you're playing with it.

51. If you commited a serious crime just claim to be insane and you'll be fine.

52. New shoes are an effective form of pain relief

53. Never put anything in writing that you can simply stand on your roof and shout naked

54. Your weird friend who lives in his basement preparing for the "Zombie Apocalypse" isn't as crazy as you think

55. Street signs make handy and inexpensive interior decorations

56. Pineapple on hamburgers is a traversty against all of creation

57. Adding 'butter' to a sentence increases its humor a great deal.

58. Never stop for a stop sign, they are for others benifit not yours

59. Chick is your god, get over it.

60. Octaday IS a day of the week

61. Being a baby inherently makes you cute, unless you're an ugly baby.

62. If some one says "Bless your/their/his/her/its heart," assume something is wrong.

63. Do not take candy from strangers, unless they work at *insert random big corporation*.

64. Being an ugly baby inherently makes you ugly, unless you are a fugly baby.

65. When In doubt, shoot it.

66. Lists are long

67. Godzilla is real He lives on an island

68. :fluffle:

69. Nuff Siad

70. Potty is an acceptable term for a third grader

72. Poker is a goverment conspiracy

73. pwned is a real word

74. There is no 71

75. Kilometers are infinately worse than miles

76. Myrth Myrth Myrth

77 If, in a family argument, it turns out that you were right, apologize at once

70something) truth is stranger than fiction, unless if and only if told by conspiracy theorists

79. Your mom goes to college

80. Asians are short... usually

81. Tetris is about the best game ever

82. Fuck is a swear word

83. Asians are hot.

84. Guys are idiots.

85. Girls are dumb.

83) Some rule or another has to deal with Aisans

86. people should be shot

84) 83 was too late.

87. 84 was too late also.

1001) People are impatient.

88. Muslims aren't crazy. You are.

89. This world isn't real. It's ALLL in your head.

90. Pie.

91. Girls are always smarter than boys

92. But boys can parallel park

93. If you must piss in the pool, do it near the water intake vent so nobody notices.

94. When cutting through a diesel line with an angle grinder, check there is no diesel in the line.

95. Old people. Ya can't beat 'em...... Shame really.

96. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

97. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

98. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

99. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

100. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.

101. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help
section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

111. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

112. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

113. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it
considered a hostage situation?

114. Is there another word for synonym?

115. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

116. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

117. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

118. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

119. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

120. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

121. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

122. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?

123. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

124. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road
signs?

125. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

126. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

127. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

128. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

129. How is it possible to have a civil war?

130. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

131. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

132. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

133. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

134. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

135. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

136. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

137. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become
disoriented?

138. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

139 - never argue with an idiot, he will just drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

140 - always assume that everyones an idiot until proven otherwise.

141 - never piss off a policeman or woman on a cold day, they will always prefer to be in the warm filling in the paperwork

142 - if it looks too good to be true, it probably isnt.

143. All that glitters isn't gold. It's a lawsuit

144. Fat people are funny

145. fat people riding bicycles are even funnier

146. Never ever puke in your mate's car.

147. Party photos only serve to embarass after the fact

148. spread some love.

149. AOL is pure evil.

150. Windows is the anti-christ.

151. Bill Gates is both God AND Satan.

152. Linux is for nerds, geeks, and hackers.

153. An Apple is a fruit.

154. If you stab someone, stab them with a clean and sterile knife to reduce the risk of infection if they don't die.

155. Before donating money to the U.N., remember the Oil-for-food scandal.

156. If you are in the posistion to mess with a weaker opponent and win; do it.

157. Gun + drunken bliss= alot of dead people.

158. Don't you EVER paint your nose purple and orangutan. Ever.

159. I'm friggen serious.

160. When you can tell you're just ranting on, stop!

161. The Yankees are all demons.

162. The Red Sox are Uber.

163. In a sword-fight between the Yankees and Red Sox, the Red Sox would win. Because they have a green monster. All the yankees have is a bat with a hat.

164. If you see something that rhymes, like "bat" and "hat", laugh at it.

165. Don't laugh at mentally challanged/homeless people out loud.

166. Laugh at them in your head all you want.

167. Squirrels + nuts(not the ones on trees...)= OMFG!!!

168. The Lightning Star is better than you. Deal with it.

169. "God has as much a place in School as facts have in organized religion!"

170. When you know you've gone over the edge; stop.

171. But you can't really stop when you're over the edge, can ye?

172. I mean, unless you can defy gravity...

173. Ron Jeremy is God

174. Pirates are cool

175. Don't fluffle the homophobes

176. Or the rabid animals

177. John Howard is a wanker because he is short, bald and impotent.

178. John Howard is a god because he is short, bald and omnipotent

179. never do something that someone else will do for free.

180. remember your keys

181. Only fashion-obsessed twats use apple macs nowadays.

182. Women are irrational

183. Men only want sex

184. Even the old man limping his way down the old folks home with the aide of a walker. He wants sex, and only sex.

185. Star Trek did not invent anything.

186. Ninjas do not use pistols. :mp5:

187. You take chances everyday... getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in the fan.

188. Parachutes are not necessary for Skydiving. Only for landing safely.

189. If at first you don't succeed... then a career in the Bomb Squad is not for you.

190. sometime you get the bear, and sometimes you need to toss a person infront of you and run while the bear is busy.

191. Always look both ways before smaking the tortise.

192. To see it it's dead, poke it with a stick.

192.5 Watch out for the broccli, it attacks at random.

193. If you wanna act smart in a classroom, rasie your hand even if you dont know the answer. Then just say you forgot.

134. The world won't get better till we get rid of capitalism...

135. ...But that isn't going be soon, in the mean time go shopping.

136. Only when the last tree has been cut down and the last river has dried up will man realize that reciting red indian proverbs makes you sound like a fucking muppet.

194. If you pick it it won't get better.

195. Toast always lands butter side down.

196. Parents never stop thinking they are right no matter how old you get.

197. People who have made up their minds have stopped listening.

198. If you wearing clean underwear in case of an accident they won't by the time you are in one.

199. If you picket, it won't get better.

199. If the Government gets up your nose, picket!

200. you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends off on your arse

201. kinky friedman is a god

202. vote

203. Speak for yourself, mate.

204. though shalt have no other god than me (releveant to whoever says it)

205. Don't be afraid to strangle the elderly. What? They deserve it!

206. Yes, the fact that you were stupid IS your fault. Stop trying to get rich off your stupidity through the courts.

207. Don't feed the Mods

208. Make "them" think you're doing what "they" tell you but, but really you're a trojan horse. And a trojan hamster.

209. If Modlins are bothering you, buy a furbie to save the day

210. if it looks too good to be true - steal it

211. if you can make a joke out of it do it and fuck the consequences

212. Or your girlfriend instead

213. If a tree falls in the forest and no one's around to hear it, it doesn't make a sound. That noise is the other trees giggling.

214. If you can't say something intelligent: quote the matrix

215. Coffee is better than tea. Really.

216. When someone starts spouting proverbs at random, remember to kill them for the good of society.

217. WARNING: Beavers may have rabies!

218. When you see a sign in a foreign language, ignore it.

219. Wireless mouses aren't for use on glass tables.

220. If you come up with a product, don't put a swear in it's name.

221. If you do, the mothers of America will find you and torture you.

666. Satan is your friend.

223. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.

224. Unless you're all drunk. So then it's ok.

225. When you stay up late, you wake up late.

1001. People are still impatient.

662. sMe peplee ra rrely bd tprs.

227. Thou shalt not wear navy blue and black at the same time

228. If you wear spiked heels on an icy day you deserve to fall down.

229. Stupid people shouldn't breed.

230. Being liberal does NOT make one evil. Being evil makes one evil.

231. Eve was framed.

232. If the ladies' is full and the men's empty, use the men's.

233. System architects make good boyfriends.

234. Wines made in California are swill.

235. Wine should NEVER be PINK.

236. Spell check is a gift from god.

236.4 Decaf coffee has no reason to exist.

1002. Some people are overacheivers.

0) Some people aim too low

1004(?)--Prissy private school kids should not act like they're poor and from the ghetto, especially in a ghetto area. Trust me, It's a problem.

237) We're suppose to be at number 237

1000. Men finish before women

238) Some men can't count

239) most women have too little sense of humor

240) 7 is always the answer unless the question is wrong.

241) unless you have actually read the Hitch Hikers Guide. Then you'll know it is actually 42


242) Most men don't know the meaning of humour.

242. Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII is the coolest Badguy in history.

242) Groundhog numbers are fun

244.) Never give anal to dead chicks.

245) There are always three 242's in every list

246. There is no try, only do

247. Colin Farrell is not a man, but a psionic monster who consumes real actors and steals their essence, including their movie rolls. This is why he is in every second movie coming out of hollywood. It does not, however, explain his bizarre propensity to punctuate every third word oh his interviews with the word 'fuck'

248. There is not such thing as 'reverse-racism'

246) Bananas are supposed to be bent

246.5 But not Broken

247. The Final Fantasy series is bigger than all of us. Combined.

248. Never feed the hamsters, particularly if they're demented!

247b) An beer a day, keeps the doctor away

252. Numbering lists on a populous forum is difficult

248) People can't count

300. No one is as dumb as everyone together.

341) "What?" is a perfectly good answer

666) It's cool to say you're Satanist and put a bunch of inverted crosses and '666's on things. Or at least that's what all the angsty teens seem to think.

174: If their are already 173 laws, you can just go to the last page and post without reading past eighty

87: Lyrics sound stupid when not in a song

342: Public urination is disgusting, while pubic urination is messy.

249) Never mind the bollocks.

what number are we on????) People probably won't realize that we'll get to 1001 rules before we realize it.

250) Punk is NEVER dead

345: Always ignore quoted rules and thier numbers.

251. Samuel Jackson was not in The Matrix

252. Lawrence Fishburne is not a Jedi

253) I have a headache.

248. if you see some one riding a Unicycle you must call out to them "Hay! you've lost your front wheel!"


346) 345 was already done

251) if the neighbour has a bigger car, crap on it

We're obviously on number Q

251(ish)-351(ish) We don't really exist

352) Locks aren't funny

353: Keys are hilarous.

354) especially C sharp

355: A bass saxophone, played at its lowest register, is an extermly amusing insrument.

356. Spike is sexy. Especially the one on BTVS.

357. Some people like that show.

358. They do.

359. I swear.

360. Dodos never went extinct, they simply used their vastly superior intelligence to carefully mold the human race into mindless drones. Then they discovered cigarettes and died from lung cancer.

361. Smeg.

362) all music on MTV is shit

363) the radio is useless except for garrison keillor

364) being white and wearing FUBU/corn rows is not cool

365) vince neil is dead, no matter what anyone tells you

366) 51% of americans are stupid

367) no one listens to a rant except people who already believe you

368) Rules can be repeated as necessary.

369) Colours are pretty.

370) Rules can be repeated as necessary.

371) colours are pretty

372) Everyone in the world is a moron but yourself.

373. You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose.

374) Always wear pants, unless streaking

375) No shirt, no shoes, no service, except at the drive through window.

376) do NOT park on the park way, for the love of God

377) the top speed of a car decreases with age, the driver's age

378) (in response to 373) Unless you tie him/her down very firmly.

379: SonicTeam is your god

380) Honk if you like hooters

381) Honk if you don't like hooters.

382) Oh, bugger it. Just fecking honk.

383. There are no government conspiracies, except for one - the one that convinces us that there are no government conspiracies

384. Make sure that all relationship breakups are as memorable and catastrophic as possible

385. Aliens do not travel hundered of light years just to stick things up the butts of hillybillies

386. See Rule 387.

387. See Rule 386.

388. Politicians look fine on television, but if you ever meet one in real life they will invade your personal space.

389. cookies are great

390. Human fetuses are an excellent source of protein.

391. Never eat a human fetus.

392. Never eat Chinese food on Friday the 13th unless your penis is six inches long exactly in which case you must eat castrated koala bear with garlic topping.

393. 79.82% of all statistics are made up on the spot

394. you are never lost. you are temporarily misplaced.

395. If we trusted action movies, all bad guys' minions would be dead because they never aim right.

396. dead languages live on.

397. no one has ever had fun in middle school.

398. its time to shower if you can smell yourself.

399. Never eat a human fetus. Unless you ask it very politely first.

400. time will NEVER stop

400. Except for right now. Other than this, never.

402. Don't feed the Trolls.

403. My God's dick is bigger than your god's.

404. God is dead.

405. FNORD!

406. Honk if you're horny.

407: The blind don't skydive, it scares the dog

408. All of your issues and problems in life are just under a highly organized set of sociological observations. Do you think you are special?

409: You are not special, and neither is the celebrities you worship (excepting Stephen Fry)

the number we are on) halogen headlamps on cars are teh suck
the number after that) if 2 cars are driving side by side, going the same speed on a 2 lane highway, switching from one lane to the other will let you go faster!

410. No petting in the Swimming Pool

411. Say 'pip pip' before entry of a public building

412. Mandatory Charity Tax of 5% MINIMUM basic

414. Greet a person via a religous salutation

415. Integrate, But Don't Assimilate in society

416. Take Centrist path if trying to create a balance in a Leftist/Rightist soc.

417. Make sure you take off ur shoes before entering a house

418. Promote Grass Root and Amateur Sports

419. Show love and Respect to thy neighbour

420. Except for when the dog is a St. Bernard. They can fly, y'know! You just can't tell.

421. If you build it, he will come.

422. If you jerk it, he will cum.

413. The number 413 is often overlooked

423. NEVER wear a vest with a short-sleeved shirt.

424. With a tie

425. And white shoes

$@^> BEWARE CAPS LOCK

427. Pizza IS its own food group.

428. A Bass is cool

429. Several basses are cooler

430. Peanut butter does NOT go with pickles.

431. Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow

432. Never do tomorrow what you can pay somebody else to do instead

433. Never pay someone to do anything you can force them to do for free

434. Cheetos are best eaten when naked and sitting in a bean-bag chair.

435. Never try backing up an RV.

436. Listen to Christian music. Most cute chicks dig it.

437. Older girls do not go out with younger guys. Trust me, I tried it. Freshman year, I tried asking out our Drum Major in the band, a Junior. You don't want the weight of that on your shoulders, especially in High School.

438. Following rule #436 does not override 437, but can make for some interesting experiences.

439. Trolling and spamming are not as bad as they are made out to be.

440. Jon Stewart is the most trustworthy newsman in the US.

440. i am god

441. i am the anti-christ

442. white people do not rap. they play rock/metal

443. black people do not play rock/metal. they rap

444. if you are white, you are not black

445. i am god

446. wiggers should die

447. i am the anti-christ

448. if sex is a pain in the ass, you are doing it in the wrong place.

449. Dildos do not go into the nostril.

450. If you dip your head in camel spit, you'll turn into a drunken lizard midget from southern Sri Lanka.

451. Never eat cake with your buttcheeks.

452. science is proven.

453. sex is good, dont hate it

454. i am god

455. i am god

456. i am the anti-christ

457. jesus is really satan

458. jesus realy hates you

459. unless you are a virgin girl, and then he loves you if you save yourself for him

460. AMOTION isn't really god

461 - no matter how much mommy and daddy care and tell you that you're special, the rest of the world doesn't give a flying rat's ass, unless you're famous, in which case you only get the respect because you're "someone". Remember, no matter how famous you are, you're still an asshole like the rest of us.

454 version 2.0)i am god

462. Neither is anybody or anything else.

463. In fact, none of it really exists anyway.

464. It's all in your head.

465. Correction: All in my head.

466. It's fun pretending to be a solipsist.

467. yes i am god, bow before me.

468. Have a hat

469. If the neighbors turn on obnoxious loud evil music DO NOT repeat DO NOT THE FUZZ, instead depending on their ethnicity select alternate loud music. When my Mexican neighbors crank it up I put on Macedonian bagpipes, if it's the Black neighbors I put on Turbofolk, if it's the Redneck neighbors cranking the country music too loud, well then I put on sevdelinke, or banghra, or I crank up TaTy. Nas ne dogonjat is good. Everyone is glad NOT to have had the fuzz called and it gets real quiet real soon because I'm nice, I'll turn down my noise the minute you all turn down your noise.

470. Skip to 500

500.. Do not yell things at people from your car. Especially don't use microphones to do that. I'm liable to throw something brown and squishy at your rig. I'm being nice it could have been a rock.

501. DO NOT drive through my neighborhood with your sound system on real loud. It makes my trigger finger itch. I might get out my Uzi and make sure you have air-condition
502. If the porch light is broken, and it is night don't go to introduce yourself to the neighbor lady. She will not be happy. She might set the phasers to stun. She might shoot to kill.

502. If you yelled at me for wearing some clothes in the Summer and I see you wearing those belly exposing jeans in the winter or shorts or a mini skirt,or I see you walking through the snow in no coat, you better hope I don't remember you. I will gloat LOUDLY over how cold you are.

503. Do not go to people's houses with religious tracts unless you are willing to recieve some of theirs in return. At my house you will recieve a tract, VERY strong coffee, and a lecture. Don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about either because I probably know what I'm talking about better than you do.

503. Don't try to be the boss of anyone who'se dead ancestors are better than your dead ancestors. It will never work.

504. Only have sex with people who'se dead ancestors were healthy and beautiful.

505. If you actually care about how their dead ancestors look...

506. Like if you're having sex with the dead ancestors too.

507. Not that I have anything against necrophilia. As long as it's consentual!

508. Unless you're turned on by some fucking freaky stuff. I mean, masochism's okay and all, but that must hurt like hell.

509 - no matter how much you hate high school, you inevitably at some point make use of that so-called useless information you were FORCED to learn...

510 - If you write down rules, you cannot call them "unwritten".

511. Ronald Reagan is great.

512. Dick Cheney is the best VP ever.

513. Women can look good in mens' clothing.

514. Men cannot look good in womens' clothing.

515. The Telletubbies are watching you.

516. And they have guns.

517. Guns with very large calibers.

18. I have really bad timing

1000000110. People don't understand binary

0011010100110001001110010000110100001010. Especially me

520: If you go to the hospital with something lodged up your ass, we know you did not fall on it.

521. Especially if it's a vibrator.

522. If you have a drawer full of candy, do not ask your 6 year old to go get a pen for you out of your desk.

523. Never use artificial sweetner and sugar at the same time.

524. There is only one good diet. I allows a lot of cheese and chocolate. It doesn't exist.

525. 525 backwards is still 525

526. No one is perfect. Get over it.

527. Smile.

528. *insert random saying here*

529.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Holy Book of Branin
Branin 5:12, When one is flirted with, one must flirteth in return.


530.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Holy Book of Branin
Branin 5:13, Unless is that the flirter is exeedingly unfine, or thou art at the present attached, as it may be.


531. Never post when you are unfunny, bored, not funny, very tired, and humorless.

532. Follow rule 531. In honor of rule 531 my post is hereby over.

I'm following rule 531, so I'm preemptively ending my post.

533. I like Chicken

534. Most of you are idiots

535. Most of you will never know where Kanjiksaualaujjak is

536. If there truly is no meaning to life, why are we here?

537. make sure to always have a point when trying to make up an unwritten
rule(see above)

538. Unwritten rules are usually unwritten(these 538 unwritten rules are one of the few exceptions to the rule)

539. rules must be followed.

540 unless you are american.

541. if your ass is on fire, you should probably put it out.

542. if you havn't travelled outside of your state/province/county/shireship(?), you cannot, no matter how much you think so ever consider yourself to be well travelled

543. most people will not have read this rule.

544. even more will not even consider reading it.

545. and only one will take the time to write it.

546 I am going to write another 9 rules before the end of the post.

547. most of you will have given up by now

548. most of you are slackers.

549. I like generalising people.

550. seplling always counts

551. grammer so does too

552. Sometimes even global rulers want to just hang out.

553. I think this is my first post

554. I never lie

555. take your moniter and flip it upside down, now you will have a moniter
that doesn't look right.

556. I lied once in my life.

557. There will not be 1001 unwritten rules of society written in this forum.

558. Most people will do like me and skew it to their own devices.

559. black socks never get dirty

560. The French really aren't that bad, mabey if you could understand their language you would see that they have already given up.

561. I am done now

562. Rule #561 may never, ever be contested. ever.

563. If you are allergic to absolutely EVERYTHING...please please please just stay home, umm don't make babies either. They don't want to be allergic to everything.

564. threads that say 1001 unwritten rules should be closed when the 1001st rule is entered

565. The phrase "Squeeze Toothpaste from the bottom" is not meant to be taken literally.

566. If you can't prove something right or wrong, don't debate it. (See arguments for and against God's existance.)

567. Do not post rules on a forum that state that you are in some kind of position of power (IE "i am god") and expect people to think it's funny. Seriously, that stuff went out when the freaking internet was invented.

568. Violation of rule 567 means that you are probably twelve years old, or at least, it will make you appear as such.

569. If you listen to an endless loop of "Dragostea Din Tei", you do not deserve to procreate (If you ever do).

570. bush is a dumbass

571. When you pull down your pants to sit on the toilet bowl, don't fart before you sit. If not your face would be at your arse's height. And you'll get a whiffull of the 'goodness gracious me'.

572. When working in a freezer, beware of frosty nipple pinching by your mates.

573. When you want to masturbate, remember to lock the door and pull down the shades, unless you want camera-carrying neighbours taking photo's of you and the occasional "Mother" walking through the door.

574. INsecure people over-compensate

575. Read directions.

576. Fluffle

577. There is only one road to happiness. No one knows what it is.

577. Fluffle more.

578. Always respect Myrth's space.

579. Men suck and girls are manipulitive....

580. So fluffle whichever one you are not.

581: Don't shout profanities at mongooses.

582: Don't call mongooses mongeese.

583: Or mongeeses.

584.The number of any rule is irrelevant.

585. Spelling is irrelevant.

586. Irrelevancy is irrelevant.

587. Emo is not emo.

589. Punk is not punk.

590. Posers are not posers.

591. People don't make sense.

592. People like to mess with other people's logic.

593. Aliens exist.

594. Statistics suck

595. Them that has, gets

596. There ain't no such thing as a free lunch

597. If people are getting you down and all the world seems against you, take a good look at yourself and ask: Am I being a complete c*nt?

598. Jokes involving ducks are funnier.

599. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Get over it.

600. Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.

601. Moderation is for monks.

602. Don't have more kids than you have hands. Sometimes you need to grab them both at the same time, sometimes you need to whomp 'em both at the same time.

603. It really wasn't worth reading the list this far. The funny ones stopped at about 150.

604. Siamese fighting fish have little chance of beating Mike Tyson, either on land or underwater (maybe in a 10 litre fishbowl, though)

605. Dogs should have human names (Bob, John, Murray) not "dog" names (Fido, Patch, Scruffy)

606. Johnny Knoxville Sucks

607. Don't bite the moderator that...er...mods you.

608. You can fix light beer with a shot of vodka

608. You can fix light beer with a shot of vodka
609. Non-alcoholic beer is one of the most pointless inventions to ever grace the face of the Earth.

610. Any beer you leave in someone elses fridge after a party is now their property...unless you turn up there again and find it still undrunk, in which case it is yours again

1000. Thou shalt not deepthroat.

611. Don't talk about Fght Cub...in fact, don't talk about any Brad Pitt movies

612. The small pieces in chess are called prawns - don't let anyone tell you otherwise

613. Chocoate donuts and Guinness is the true 'breakfast of chamions'

614. Pink Floyd rocks. no one can deny this fact.
615. Led zeppelin also rocks.
616. acting black does not make you black. you are still white. get over the fact that you are white. you are not and never will be black, unless you act like micheal jackson and pay a shitload of money to change the color of your skin.
617. micheal jackson is and always will be black.

618 - there are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't...

570. bush is a dumbass

(Whatever number we're on). Posting rules such as the one quoted above make you look like an idiot. Seriously, who says that kind of stuff nowadays? Grow up.

618 - there are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't...

1001100001. 0100111001100101011011110010110101000001011011100110000101110010011000110110100001101001011100110111 0100011100110010000001101001011100110010000001101111011011100110010100100000011011110110011000100000 0111010001101000011011110111001101100101001000000111011101101000011011110010000001100100011011110110 0101011100110010111000100000001000000101001101101000011001010010000001100001011011000111001101101111 0010000001110101011011100110010001100101011100100111001101110100011000010110111001100100011100110010 0000010000010101001101000011010010010100100100100000011000110110111101100100011010010110111001100111 00100001

EDIT: Where the hell are the stupid spaces in the middle of my binary sequences coming from?
Or, if you prefer more binary:

0101011101101000011001010111001001100101001000000111010001101000011001010010000001101000011001010110 1100011011000010000001100001011100100110010100100000011101000110100001100101001000000111001101110100 0111010101110000011010010110010000100000011100110111000001100001011000110110010101110011001000000110 1001011011100010000001110100011010000110010100100000011011010110100101100100011001000110110001100101 0010000001101111011001100010000001101101011110010010000001100010011010010110111001100001011100100111 1001001000000111001101100101011100010111010101100101011011100110001101100101011100110010000001100011 0110111101101101011010010110111001100111001000000110011001110010011011110110110100111111

619. Guinness is with two n's and two s's
620. There's nothing like a fluffle in the morning :fluffle:

621. binary =\= ASCII

621. binary =\= ASCII
1001100100. 010100110110111100111111