NationStates Jolt Archive

First off, here are some pictures of me:

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124201

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124202

Not bad, right?

Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice. I always get the same response, "Ryan, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I'm not good with relationships. I don't want to hurt you." Then they always go for the jerk, because they aren't afraid of hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.

Maybe you should try smiling in your pictures....Kiddin.

Anywho, yes your a gorgeous lookin guy but you can't expect every girl to just adore sensitivity, thats what us gay people are for lol. Maybe what your not getting is you may be more sensitive than whatever girl your going for. For once a straight male might be less shallow than the girl he is chasing. We all have to wait, don't conform to being a male schauvanistic pig, no one wants that. Trust me. Good boys are needed all around the world.

P.s, don't you ever be ashamed of just being friends with a girl. SOmetimes taht can be more fulfilling to have a safety net of casual fun instead of a high ride on a balancing beam.

So not true. I always go for the nice guys.

They say opposites attract though, and to often thats very very true. Someone who you think is just right for you, might end up being completely wrong in the end. Good girls tire of "bad guys" eventually, and then they realize their mistakes, and run off to find the nice boy that they were REALLY looking for in the first place, but over looked as a "friend".

lol

wait till you grow up some before making conclusions about women

It depends upon several things:

1. How do you define "nice?" Most women respect a man who stands up for himself, who knows how to handle conflict, who tries to understand what women want.

2. There is always a degree of fascination with the "forbidden." Many younger or immature women will seek out "bad" boys because they want to be a bit rebellious, or because they're seeking some sort of "thrill," or perhaps because they believe "bad" boys know things "good" boys don't.

3. As you get older, this will change. You will find that many if not most women will begin to seek out stable, friendly and non-rebellious men. Have patience and concentrate on being who you really are.

You look too young to get cool tatoos so I got no advice for you.

Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice. I always get the same response, "Ryan, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I'm not good with relationships. I don't want to hurt you." Then they always go for the jerk, because they aren't afraid of hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.


*raises a shot of Jack*

Hell yeah man, I know first hand what you're getting at. Happened to me more times than I can count practically.

I don't think women know what they want until they are well out of their early 20's.

That's because if you act nice, everyone thinks you're gay.

I speak from experience. :mad:

So the way to go is to be a dirty sleaze, get your end wet and dump them after, I guess.

I don't think women know what they want until they are well out of their early 20's.

It's not a matter of age, it's a matter of maturity. After a woman grows out of the "OMG! OMG! I can't believe how kewl he is!" stage, what most women want is a man who can figure out what they want and then supply that.

It's not a matter of age, it's a matter of maturity. After a woman grows out of the "OMG! OMG! I can't believe how kewl he is!" stage, what most women want is a man who can figure out what they want and then supply that.

Uh oh, that's even worse. My coolness is the only thing going for me (lol :p) and I don't expect to be rich in 10 years.

Ah, stuff it. Who needs women? :p

That's because if you act nice, everyone thinks you're gay.

I speak from experience. :mad:

So the way to go is to be a dirty sleaze, get your end wet and dump them after, I guess.


Very good advise indeed :D

Very good advise indeed :D

Well, i've never tried it but it seems to work for most people, so hey, feel free to follow it :)

It has always been my belief that women fall for assholes because they are very good at acting nice. Also, to quote a song by a band I don't like, girls don't like boys; girls like cars and money. A lot of us are in the same boat as you. I think it is best to wait it out and not give up. Good times will come.

It's true to a degree, I feel your pain. I'm always looking for the nice awesome girl, but they're always looking for the dangerous guy type of deal. And no what you wear what you drive etc isn't gonna change girls feelings much. I drive a corvette and a lifted truck, live in a 5000 sq ft house with my 2 buddies. You just gotta be a flat out jerk, and act like you don't care at all....UNTIL you get older and the girls that you want are interested in you :P

Sides, lemme guess GF just broke up with you? lol, rough.

I know how you feel mate :headbang:

They always meet some jerk, then apparently we are all bastards :confused:

Just be patient :mad: I do think younger girls are pretty dumb, so look for someone a little bit older :D

Well kiddo, you have just spouted a complaint said by many "nice" guys.

Don't worry about it. Girls your age don't know what they hell they want either.

Figure out who you are and what you are about?

Become passionate about something.

Girls really dig a confident passionate man.

Don't always chase looks. I dated exceptionly hot women in my time and I look back and think many were only good for sex.

My saintly aunt gave the best advice. Keep in mind this is for when you want a perminant relationship. "Don't chase only looks because those will fail in time. However, a passionate soul that makes you laugh will last forever."

I screwed up with two extreamly fasinating and dynamic women. They were plain and I blew it with one because I was an ass and I lost the other one because of racsim(She was black and her family went balistic at the thought of her dating a whitey).

Finally stop fretting about it.

Get a lust for life. Screw up and make mistakes. Don't be afraid of regret.

It's our regrets in life that give us our character.

-----------------------
Last note: Many find love when they aren't looking for it. I found my wife when I tried to pick up her roomate. She is the best thing that every happened to me.

for further evidence, my roommate calls girls "bitch", "ho" and "slut", yet they still flock to him. As opposed to my policy of making friendly small talk, which gets me nowhere...

And the fact that I just look nice doesn't help either.

It depends upon several things:

1. How do you define "nice?" Most women respect a man who stands up for himself, who knows how to handle conflict, who tries to understand what women want.

2. There is always a degree of fascination with the "forbidden." Many younger or immature women will seek out "bad" boys because they want to be a bit rebellious, or because they're seeking some sort of "thrill," or perhaps because they believe "bad" boys know things "good" boys don't.

3. As you get older, this will change. You will find that many if not most women will begin to seek out stable, friendly and non-rebellious men. Have patience and concentrate on being who you really are.

My problem with this is it always seems a nice guy like myself is comming in at "second place" as it were. You know, like "Well, I can't have him, I guess I'll have him instead."

I guess my major gripe is that nice guys are never chosen first. Hell, rarely second at that. a girl has to go through a few assholes before realizing "Oh yeah, Kyle, he's not a total douche"

for further evidence, my roommate calls girls "bitch", "ho" and "slut", yet they still flock to him. As opposed to my policy of making friendly small talk, which gets me nowhere..

Actually, In hindsight, I know someone like that and he only ends up with fat girls with annoying laughs and that say "oh m'gawd!!!" all the time.

Judging by the photos, you are WAY, WAY, WAY too young to be worrying about "serious relationships" Wait until you are in your mid to late 20's to even think about it. by that age, your female peers will have figured out that the nice guys are not dorks/nerds/doofus's/wimps and that the jocks/tough guys/Cool dudes are still grease monkeys and bag boys and you "got it going on." The "love of my life" while I was in highschool works part time in a day care, is on her 4th marriage, has 5 kids by 3 guys. Neither her nor any of her husbands graduated from college, let alone had a job better than "carpenter." (Don't get me wrong, a master carpenter has a skill, but these guys called themselves a "carpenter" but I'd be surprised if they could tell a toe-nail from a slate shingle clip).

Example: Me - I'm a "nice guy" way too nice according to some co-workers who say I let the jerks walk all over me. However, I'm happy and go home each day in a good mood and if the worst thing anyone can say is that I'm too nice, well I can live with that.

I had only 2 "serious" relationships in my life. The 1st ended when she took a job in another state and felt she "had" to go, with or without me. That lasted from age 24 - 26. The 2nd started at at 28. We've now been married for 16 years. Have 2 wonderful little boys and I see no reason it won't last "forever." So don't sweat it, don't be in a hurry. Time will make you and your female peers see what is right and OK with nice guys and you'll forget about the sluts. Meantime, just have fun be who you are and don't worry what others think. If they think bad about you, they are either jealous or unworthy of your concern. Your life will be better if you are happy with who you are than if you spend all your time trying to make others happy with who you are.

Uh oh, that's even worse. My coolness is the only thing going for me (lol :p) and I don't expect to be rich in 10 years.

Ah, stuff it. Who needs women? :p

Women, can't live with em. Don't have to.

Women, can't live with em. Don't have to.

Haha :)

Blah blahblah blah blah. Basically just throwing out more of the same bro. Give yourself a few years before you start worrying about serious relationships. You do look kind of high schoolish in those pics. Believe it or not there are nice, honest women out there who you will run across at all stages of your life. Choose one of these. Now... all the girls who flock to the jerks? They will be around too, and years and decades of flocking to jerks will have seriously damaged their cranium. Watch out for these girls. It's like buying a shiny Corvette that's missing on all cylinders. But seriously... time is the great equalizer. Give it time.

Judging by the photos, you are WAY, WAY, WAY too young to be worrying about "serious relationships" Wait until you are in your mid to late 20's to even think about it. by that age, your female peers will have figured out that the nice guys are not dorks/nerds/doofus's/wimps and that the jocks/tough guys/Cool dudes are still grease monkeys and bag boys and you "got it going on." The "love of my life" while I was in highschool works part time in a day care, is on her 4th marriage, has 5 kids by 3 guys. Neither her nor any of her husbands graduated from college, let alone had a job better than "carpenter." (Don't get me wrong, a master carpenter has a skill, but these guys called themselves a "carpenter" but I'd be surprised if they could tell a toe-nail from a slate shingle clip).

Example: Me - I'm a "nice guy" way too nice according to some co-workers who say I let the jerks walk all over me. However, I'm happy and go home each day in a good mood and if the worst thing anyone can say is that I'm too nice, well I can live with that.

I had only 2 "serious" relationships in my life. The 1st ended when she took a job in another state and felt she "had" to go, with or without me. That lasted from age 24 - 26. The 2nd started at at 28. We've now been married for 16 years. Have 2 wonderful little boys and I see no reason it won't last "forever." So don't sweat it, don't be in a hurry. Time will make you and your female peers see what is right and OK with nice guys and you'll forget about the sluts. Meantime, just have fun be who you are and don't worry what others think. If they think bad about you, they are either jealous or unworthy of your concern. Your life will be better if you are happy with who you are than if you spend all your time trying to make others happy with who you are.

That's great and all, but I'm 18 and really fucking lonely. I'm one of those really rare teenagers who actually want a meaningful relationship.

wow, I know what thats like.
"we are too good a friends blah blah"

now I tend to think screw them they dont deserve me

The truth of the matter is when a girl is around 15 (unless she is the exception to the rule) you're right. However, as girls grow into women, they look more for common interest, sense of humor, or whatever is their thing. Nice guys do finish last till they get a little older. I mean no one will respect a door-mat, but a nice guy will finish first if he respects the women who dares to love him and treats her as an equal and has matured to the stage that we often don't like to go... OMFG, You're an adult! ;)

The truth of the matter is when a girl is around 15 (unless she is the exception to the rule) you're right. However, as girls grow into women, they look more for common interest, sense of humor, or whatever is their thing. Nice guys do finish last till they get a little older. I mean no one will respect a door-mat, but a nice guy will finish first if he respects the women who dares to love him and treats her as an equal and has matured to the stage that we often don't like to go... OMFG, You're an adult! ;)

Well said.

That's great and all, but I'm 18 and really fucking lonely. I'm one of those really rare teenagers who actually want a meaningful relationship.

Aye, a kindred spirit you can find in me...

I go through phases - sometimes I just wanna party and chat up girls and not care if nothing happens or if something does spark. Then I go through phases where I wish that I could actually find the girl to do something serious with.
It's all ups and downs, ups and downs the whole time...
Being 18, we're still teens, not even at the prime of our life. Think about it. In just one year I went from being very depressed and lonely - and even suicidal - about how everything was not turning out right, to what I am today - a (nearly) happy individual who takes what life brings. And that was just in a year. We still have our lives ahead of us to change things. A lot can still happen.

And me? I'm just waiting until uni starts... and then the fun begins... *laughs evilly whilst perving on some young girls*

That's great and all, but I'm 18 and really fucking lonely. I'm one of those really rare teenagers who actually want a meaningful relationship.

I believe you are lonely, but I promise, you're only 18, you don't know what a meaningful relationship really is all about. Trust me. Being lonely and learning how to deal with it on your own terms is a part of growing up into a real person. There will always be times in you whole life you feel alone. After 16 years of marriage, there are still times I feel alone (try going on a business trip to another state and living in a hotel for a month and the best you can do is talk to your wife and kids on the phone for a few minutes every other day or so). Now is the time to learn to deal with it constructively so when you're 40 and it happens, it won't be as bad since you've been through it before and know what to do.

The truth of the matter is when a girl is around 15 (unless she is the exception to the rule) you're right. However, as girls grow into women, they look more for common interest, sense of humor, or whatever is their thing. Nice guys do finish last till they get a little older. I mean no one will respect a door-mat, but a nice guy will finish first if he respects the women who dares to love him and treats her as an equal and has matured to the stage that we often don't like to go... OMFG, You're an adult! ;)

the problem is that at this point we pretty much have little self esteem, sick of women treating us like shit, think that most women are... promiscuous, and they are after a successful guys money not for love, and we feel that we are being used, as the same girls that rejected us years before are now chasing us.

basically what im saying is all the nice guys that women go looking for after they are mature, have gone into hiding. Most can not have their cake and eat it too

note - at 21 im no longer looking for a relationship as all the girls I have been interested in have rejected me untill some jerk treats them dodgy, then they cry to me and ask me where all the guys that will treat them good are... at which point I get abit frustrated. I now dont feel I am mentally stable enough to have a relationship and I now have distanced myself from almost all my female friends to the point only few remain...... I wish I was gay

I believe you are lonely, but I promise, you're only 18, you don't know what a meaningful relationship really is all about. Trust me. Being lonely and learning how to deal with it on your own terms is a part of growing up into a real person. There will always be times in you whole life you feel alone. After 16 years of marriage, there are still times I feel alone (try going on a business trip to another state and living in a hotel for a month and the best you can do is talk to your wife and kids on the phone for a few minutes every other day or so). Now is the time to learn to deal with it constructively so when you're 40 and it happens, it won't be as bad since you've been through it before and know what to do.

No, trust me, I know how to deal with it. Nobody wants to hear my life story so I won't be telling it, but just trust me-I'm used to being very alone and dealing with it.

And out of curiosity, how am I suppossed to know what a meaningful relationship is if I can't have one?

No, trust me, I know how to deal with it. Nobody wants to hear my life story so I won't be telling it, but just trust me-I'm used to being very alone and dealing with it.

And out of curiosity, how am I suppossed to know what a meaningful relationship is if I can't have one?

Dude... watch When Harry Met Sally.

the problem is that at this point we pretty much have little self esteem, sick of women treating us like shit, think that most women are... promiscuous, and they are after a successful guys money not for love, and we feel that we are being used, as the same girls that rejected us years before are now chasing us.

basically what im saying is all the nice guys that women go looking for after they are mature, have gone into hiding. Most can not have their cake and eat it too

You my dear are a cynic.. it's not so bad. It's certainly not as bad as you make it sound. Chin up! ;)

Was where you were about four years ago

The conundrum of the situation is this … as you start growing up and eventually start taking care of yourself rather then putting yourself on the line for other people (I don’t mean go all the way the other way … but reserve a small part for you) the confidence builds … and girls can see that

Stay nice … but be true to yourself … and most of all don’t stress … I think girls can smell that a mile away.

Be cool
Care for your friends

Sometimes do what’s best for you (not all the time) and work on other things … you will notice as soon as you start focusing on other things and projects things will go a lot better
Took me till my first year of collage to understand that lol

Hard lessons learned

Dude... watch When Harry Met Sally.

...what's that? o_O

First off, here are some pictures of me:

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124201

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124202

Not bad, right?

Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice. I always get the same response, "Ryan, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I'm not good with relationships. I don't want to hurt you." Then they always go for the jerk, because they aren't afraid of hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.

In the end though, you will get the woman, the one that will trump all women (in your mind).

You my dear are a cynic.. it's not so bad. It's certainly not as bad as you make it sound. Chin up! ;)
I know that deep down not all of you are evil but I cant help but feel it

In the end though, you will get the woman, the one that will trump all women (in your mind).

Or, we will develop deep seeded trust issues which will allow us to find something wrong with the woman

Dude, nice guys don't post pictures of themselves, say not bad eh? and then whine about their love life.

That's the kind of thing self centered jerks do.




Just thought you'd might like to know. Wouldn't want you to get a bad reputation.

I hear women start to mature around their junior and seniors years in college. They are done having fun and start to look for a guy to spend meaningful time with. I guess the fear of graduation and not being married factors into this. From what I have noticed, this does kind of happen. Women start to realize who the nice guys actually are.

It's true, take it from a guy that switched from "nice guy" to "asshole" persona.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.

He speaks the truth (http://www.galaktek.com/cgi-bin/index?page=deffect1.html). It's called the Deacon Effect

It's true, take it from a guy that switched from "nice guy" to "asshole" persona.
so hows that working for you? it seems to have worked for my brother

so hows that working for you? it seems to have worked for my brother

Worked pretty good. Definitely noticed a ass ratio increase since the switch.

The problem is, nice guys are boring. Ryan, guys like you and me are seen as having no confidence, being too subservient, bending over backwards to make a girl happy. Sometimes we even come off as creepy if we try too hard (and boy, have I been there). We want to treat girls we love like queens, but they hate it.

You don't have to slam into a complete 180 and turn into a wifebeating troglodyte, but pepper your conversations with women with things that are outside the norm. Don't pay compliments - tease them. Imagine how many times beautiful women get told, "You're hot," by the millions of men who want a relationship with them. Instead, pick at a minor faux pas with an underlying current of humor. For example, she bumps into you, and accuse her of assault and battery. This will elevate you above the milling masses and pique her interest, which is necessary if you want to get anywhere with her.

In a long term relationship, a girl would be bored to tears if the only thing you did with her was stare into her eyes and say, "Golly, you sure are pretty." Use wit and humor, and bust on her. Save sentimentality for special occasions, and it'll be that much more impressive.

This is just a basic overview of the advice I get from a newsletter from David DeAngelo, the proprietor of http://www.doubleyourdating.com . The main focus of his site is a $40 e-book with extensive information on his own theories of attraction, dating and the opposite sex, but you don't have to buy it. The newsletter's free, and gives invaluable dating advice every few days. I'm in the process of gradually applying his philosophy in my own experiences, and what little I've done with it has been successful.

Good luck.

Well kiddo, you have just spouted a complaint said by many "nice" guys.

Don't worry about it. Girls your age don't know what they hell they want either.

Figure out who you are and what you are about?

Become passionate about something.

Girls really dig a confident passionate man.

Don't always chase looks. I dated exceptionly hot women in my time and I look back and think many were only good for sex.

My saintly aunt gave the best advice. Keep in mind this is for when you want a perminant relationship. "Don't chase only looks because those will fail in time. However, a passionate soul that makes you laugh will last forever."

I screwed up with two extreamly fasinating and dynamic women. They were plain and I blew it with one because I was an ass and I lost the other one because of racsim(She was black and her family went balistic at the thought of her dating a whitey).

Finally stop fretting about it.

Get a lust for life. Screw up and make mistakes. Don't be afraid of regret.

It's our regrets in life that give us our character.

-----------------------
Last note: Many find love when they aren't looking for it. I found my wife when I tried to pick up her roomate. She is the best thing that every happened to me.

This is excellent advice! I commend you! :)

My problem with this is it always seems a nice guy like myself is comming in at "second place" as it were. You know, like "Well, I can't have him, I guess I'll have him instead."

I guess my major gripe is that nice guys are never chosen first. Hell, rarely second at that. a girl has to go through a few assholes before realizing "Oh yeah, Kyle, he's not a total douche"

Part of maturing is making mistakes and learning from them ... for both men and women.

Judging by the photos, you are WAY, WAY, WAY too young to be worrying about "serious relationships" Wait until you are in your mid to late 20's to even think about it. by that age, your female peers will have figured out that the nice guys are not dorks/nerds/doofus's/wimps and that the jocks/tough guys/Cool dudes are still grease monkeys and bag boys and you "got it going on." The "love of my life" while I was in highschool works part time in a day care, is on her 4th marriage, has 5 kids by 3 guys. Neither her nor any of her husbands graduated from college, let alone had a job better than "carpenter." (Don't get me wrong, a master carpenter has a skill, but these guys called themselves a "carpenter" but I'd be surprised if they could tell a toe-nail from a slate shingle clip).

Example: Me - I'm a "nice guy" way too nice according to some co-workers who say I let the jerks walk all over me. However, I'm happy and go home each day in a good mood and if the worst thing anyone can say is that I'm too nice, well I can live with that.

I had only 2 "serious" relationships in my life. The 1st ended when she took a job in another state and felt she "had" to go, with or without me. That lasted from age 24 - 26. The 2nd started at at 28. We've now been married for 16 years. Have 2 wonderful little boys and I see no reason it won't last "forever." So don't sweat it, don't be in a hurry. Time will make you and your female peers see what is right and OK with nice guys and you'll forget about the sluts. Meantime, just have fun be who you are and don't worry what others think. If they think bad about you, they are either jealous or unworthy of your concern. Your life will be better if you are happy with who you are than if you spend all your time trying to make others happy with who you are.

This also is great advice! Lots of really wise people on here. I'm impressed! :)

Hey, don judge all girls on the few that u know... also if they overlook u at the moment, one day they'll learn (like i hav) that nice guys are way better to have as a boyfriend... it may take a while tho...

Not exactly true. I prefere a sensitive guy to a sleazy jerk who only sleeps with you n den dumps you. I absolutely find those guys so immature. You'll find the perfect girl one day. If you wanna play safe...just be friends to suss them out.
The guys round my area are so immature..who knows how many girls they slept with...*shudders* I wish there were more guys like you around here...maybe us nice gals won't have to suffer like we do.

The problem is, nice guys are boring. Ryan, guys like you and me are seen as having no confidence, being too subservient, bending over backwards to make a girl happy. Sometimes we even come off as creepy if we try too hard (and boy, have I been there). We want to treat girls we love like queens, but they hate it.

You don't have to slam into a complete 180 and turn into a wifebeating troglodyte, but pepper your conversations with women with things that are outside the norm. Don't pay compliments - tease them. Imagine how many times beautiful women get told, "You're hot," by the millions of men who want a relationship with them. Instead, pick at a minor faux pas with an underlying current of humor. For example, she bumps into you, and accuse her of assault and battery. This will elevate you above the milling masses and pique her interest, which is necessary if you want to get anywhere with her.

In a long term relationship, a girl would be bored to tears if the only thing you did with her was stare into her eyes and say, "Golly, you sure are pretty." Use wit and humor, and bust on her. Save sentimentality for special occasions, and it'll be that much more impressive.

See I do most that. It would be dishonest to say there's no girl I'm looking towards-and she knows it.

The only problem is she lives quite some distance away. A very long quite some distance away >_>.

Blarg, stupid me being born in California...

That's because if you act nice, everyone thinks you're gay.

I speak from experience. :mad:

So the way to go is to be a dirty sleaze, get your end wet and dump them after, I guess.

That's not true. Just coz a guy's nice to a girl doesn't mean he's gay. What if you found that 'nice' girl and you've done the slept-with-you-I'll-move-on-now. She'll only get hurt in the end. In our teenage years, females are supposedly mature faster than our male counterparts. Not necessarily so.
I know a few girls who are very mature, and are waiting for the right guy in uni. I'm waiting too. You're very mature and stay that way. If a girl really likes you, she'll accept you as you are. Stay true to yourself :D

That's not true. Just coz a guy's nice to a girl doesn't mean he's gay. What if you found that 'nice' girl and you've done the slept-with-you-I'll-move-on-now. She'll only get hurt in the end. In our teenage years, females are supposedly mature faster than our male counterparts. Not necessarily so.
I know a few girls who are very mature, and are waiting for the right guy in uni. I'm waiting too. You're very mature and stay that way. If a girl really likes you, she'll accept you as you are. Stay true to yourself :D

I'm not just talking about women that think i'm gay. I've actually been hit on by guys. Numerous times. Well, it's flattering in a way i suppose. Yes, uni has been an enlightening experience :)

(And don't worry, i've got no intentions of becoming one of those sleazy assholes)

I was very cynical about it all until very recently. I would always treat the women I had feelings for with the utmost respect only to have them inflict the most cruel pain upon me. So I adopted a somewhat defeatist attitude and I was always very bitter and full of resentment. Many times I was very unsure of my sanity. However, in the past few weeks I've met someone, and she's really nice to me and very sweet. We're taking it really slow though. But that's completely ok.

So have hope, you never know when you'll find someone, and it seems to happen entirely unexpectedly.

The thing I've noticed is that you are wailing about how women aren't seeing the real, deep you...

and then you say the only ones you can get are the 'slutty' ones...

Maybe you are less sensitive than you suspect? What happened to seeing the real, deep her?

Too many people are way too obsessed with getting themselves into a 'relationship', because they have bought into Hollywood and the 'it will make you truly happy' packaging... well, you've probably heard it a hundred times, but it happens to be true... until you can live comfortably with yourself, you can't live with anyone else. You have to stop trying to define yourself by the relationship you are in, or how misunderstood you are.

Sure, life seems tough. Well, another one of those cliches... it IS tough, and it's tough for almost everyone.

I can tell you what part of the problem is: you are chasing. And, the problem with chasing relationships, is that people aren't stupid... and, if a guy chases after girls, girls will notice... and certain girls will respond positively to that (and you have written them off as 'slutty'), and certain girls will be chased away by it.

Now, every 'seducer' has his repertoire of tricks... but for the honest-to-goodness good-guys, there is only one way to go... you have to walk what you are talking... and that means stop trying to chase some ideal - you can't force romance.

Confidence, and honest friendship. The two greatest tools in the good-guy collection. A sense of humour doesn't hurt, either.

Grave is right, completely.

Some further advice I would have is this. If a female is one who wants to "do stuff" right away, then she's probably not what you're looking for. Find someone who seems to be nice, and has enough intelligence to keep a conversation going. I know, it sounds typical, but don't just go for the ones who are drop dead gorgeous. Why? Because you'd be very lucky to find one who was that, and nice and intelligent who wasn't already with someone. Anyway, back to the point. Find someone who you can get along with really well as an acquaintence/friend. Just as a general rule, even if you aren't romantically interested in a certain girl right now, become friends with her anyway. You might be interested sometime later. If you find someone, if they're worth pursuing, they'll probably want to go fairly slow. Be patient, and even if you can't be, at least look patient. Even if you don't have any immediate success, keep being a nice guy.

Eventually, after high school, you will begin to edge out the assholes and it will become easier to be noticed by the opposite gender. By this time, the girls will have become women, and will, for the most part, no longer be looking for someone who will make them feel rebellious, but for someone with maturity who can handle a long-term relationship.

Nice guys do finish last, but often times, they finish best.

Hi

"Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice". :mad:

U are a PIG. Calling any woman a SLUT, no matter the reason, is WRONG. So go F... U self looser! :sniper:

I suggest you come back in... like 3 years... when you have become an true adult person. Learned respect and good manners!? :cool:

Harry

Hi

"Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice". :mad:

U are a PIG. Calling any woman a SLUT, no matter the reason, is WRONG. So go F... U self looser! :sniper:

I suggest you come back in... like 3 years... when you have become an true adult person. Learned respect and good manners!? :cool:

Harry
hypocrite, calling someone a pig, a loser and telling someone to go fuck themselves. Maybe you should come back when you grow up too

It's not really true. I've always, always, always gone for "nice guys" over "bad boys". I never fancy the villain in a film or a book and if I find out a guy is a jerk it doesn't matter how physically beautiful he is, I don't find him attractive. I only ever had two serious relationships but I married a very nice guy indeed. :) He doesn't smoke or do drugs, he doesn't sleep around and never did, he's smart, he works hard, and he loves his family and he loves me. Nice guys and nice girls are a lot harder to find because they're not necessarily going to throw themselves at people, but they are out there.

It is true that some women to do tend to go for guys who treat them like dirt, and it makes me really angry. Maybe it has something to do with how women are brought up to see their role, maybe it's psychology, I don't know. Personally I think the same is true about "nice girls" though - I was never particularly popular with guys because I was bookish and quiet and don't drink or smoke or sleep with everything that moves, and let's be honest, some guys, like some girls, just want to get laid. My closest friends are definitely "nice girls" (well...nice women, now, we're all approaching 30!) and many of them are still single. They work hard at their jobs and have old-fashioned values and standards and don't go out every weekend trying to pick up any guy who will have them, and they have a rough time too. So it works both ways.

But hang in there, the older you get the easier it gets in a lot of ways, because everyone learns more and figures out what they want out of life, and once you've gotten all your teenage hormonal craziness out of your system you start to settle down and think sensibly about the kind of person you'd really want to spend your life with, rather than just who you think would take you on expensive dates or be a good lay, and that's where good guys and good girls start to shine. :)

First off, here are some pictures of me:

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124201

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124202

Not bad, right?

:eek: :eek: :eek: not bad at all! ;)

It is true that some women to do tend to go for guys who treat them like dirt, and it makes me really angry. Maybe it has something to do with how women are brought up to see their role, maybe it's psychology, I don't know.
I would say that it would have to do with our primative ancestors, being the strongest male was the most desirable as it would give women the strongest offspring

shows that we really havnt changed much, the id and the pleasure princible still tend to overwhelm us

I like to think I'm a nice guy, although people tell me I look like biker, I prefer 1980's metal head. I wear combat boots, army pants, worn ou leather bikers jacket, AC/DC shirts, SlipKnot shirts, one that sais "Mercenaries never die, they just go to Hell and regroupe" I also have slicked back hair. It was almost shoulder length last year and I'm growing it back because I liked it long more.

I clicked on this because I have a friend, four years older than me who always says 'girls don't like nice guys', he's the friendliest staight edge goth I know heh.

I get men asking me out alot o.O

Probably cause I'm Bi.

(Not that its anyones buisness but no, I havn't)

I suspect that what's actually happening here is that as soon as a girl finds out you're interested, they make one of two associations - that you're an arse who's just been pretending to be nice to them to get into their knickers (and women prefer honesty, even if you're being honest about the fact your're an arse) or that you're serious about them and that you'll have them tied to the sink and permanently pregnant before they know what's going on.
Also, on the whole, women are bloody idiots.

Also, on the whole, women are bloody idiots.gee, thanks :rolleyes:

Actually I think people on the whole are bloody idiots. Neither gender has a monopoly on it, thankyouverymuch.

Quote:
"Actually I think people on the whole are bloody idiots. Neither gender has a monopoly on it, thankyouverymuch."

How right u are :p

But u dont call any woman a slut just because U think to be the "better man". If u do... u are nothing more than a selfish egocentric... PIG. Grow up and learn to respect women. I used the "pig" word on purpose. Also anybody can call me a fool 4 doing so :rolleyes:

I wonder why U chose to use the word slut...? Are i better than the averige slut? Plz throw the first store :D :cool:

But u dont call any woman a slut just because U think to be the "better man".
Is it OK to call them that if they are actually a slut and say, screw 4 guys in the same night?

I don't find being called a slut all that offensive

I don't find being called a slut all that offensive

what about ho?

what about ho?nope, they're only words and they're probably true anyway

I CAN HELP YOU OUT

You're talking about highschool girls.

The girls you are probably attracted to are the slutty ones who crave lots
of attention. Don't give it to them and they'll keep trying to get it. Every
girl looks for a guy with confidence. Confidence shows through your body
language and tone of voice - if the girl has more confidence than you, she
won't like it.

Communication is not important - don't listen to her when she talks about
her mean friends or what she wants to buy. Make sure you tell her you
don't want to hear that and make no apologies, because that's what other
girls are for. You don't want to be her girlfriend do you?

My girlfriend is talking to me right now and every once in a while I'll nod or go "uh huh", because she's talking about Neopets and I don't care. Here in a minute I'll just say, "I don't care about Neopets." She'll get mad, but she will get over it. This happens all the time. Save the conversations for the more
important things; like stuff you did or saw.

The kissing. The first kiss must be your doing. The best time to kiss a girl is
in the middle of a sentence, so when the time comes for the goodnight kiss
or whatever - remember it. Also, girls will want to kiss you more than you
should kiss them. After the first kiss, never be the one to initiate it again.

Never call her. Let her always call you, even if she told you to call her.

Smile at her alot, even when she is mad at you. Always remember; "No
matter what they are mad at you about - they'll get over it. Unless you
cheat on them."

Sex is the most important. Start out trying to "making love" with her and
then ease into telling her what to do, talk really dirty, and start to fvck the
back out of her. Women want to be dominated in bed. You must be the
driver.

nope, they're only words and they're probably true anyway

lol :p

Well I take my philosophy as "You can call me whatever you want, but that doesn't mean i'll answer you" ;)

Don't bother with relationships, just have sex with them, one nighters always work for me.

Since you can't even accurately say that women like men trying to unify one particular characteristic they like or don't like is going to give you a headache. The girls you've met in your short life so far haven't like nice guys (though I might contend that you may not be as nice as you think, but that's another thing all together) that in no way is a completely representative sample. "Chicks don't like nice guys" is just chickless guy sour grapes.

I'm not going to follow this with a 'someone for everyone' nonsense. Statistically that can't be true. Biological desire is on your side, odds in your favor, etc., but there is no garauntee.

Yeah, I'm chickless. Might be the liberal use of the word chick. Or that I started losing my hair at 19. Or my lack of ambition. Or the three inch goatee. I mean, come on-I spent 3 years as a playwright in residence at a theater and still didn't get any action. In a theater. There's all kinds of crazy sex in theaters and straight dudes are a bit of a commodity. (I've had girlfriends, but that was before the goatee and the onset of the self-depricating humor which I still contend is because I know that I can take the joke so it's safer, but I digress(sp).)

All that to illustrate my advise is meaningless, since I am clearly not a lady's man.

Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice. I always get the same response, "Ryan, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I'm not good with relationships. I don't want to hurt you." Then they always go for the jerk, because they aren't afraid of hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.
Forget women. Only men know what men need. :D

Where do I begin...the first mistake is to assume that all woman are alike. We are not...and neither are all men for that matter. May I recommend viewing a woman (or man) in terms of their individual characteristics.

In the minds of most woman, they do like nice guys (and most wish they had one - regardless of how old/young and mature they are - the entertainment industry makes millions catering to the fantasies of women both in terms of bad guys images (i.e. Johnny Depp) and in terms of good guy images (i.e. Ross of the "Friends" series); however each person's experiences colours their perception and their tendancies and therefore they type of individual(s) they are attracted to and ultimately end up with. Thus, I ask you, why are you desiring women who do not value you or "love" you for who you are?

First off, here are some pictures of me:

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124201

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124202

Not bad, right?

Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice. I always get the same response, "Ryan, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I'm not good with relationships. I don't want to hurt you." Then they always go for the jerk, because they aren't afraid of hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.
Probably been said before, but ...maybe it's your attitude.

The problem is, nice guys are boring.

No, boring guys are boring. It's just that some boring guys use niceness as the reason they're dateless rather than the true reason. I know plenty, plenty, of people who are fundamentally nice, ie they respect others and treat those close to them well, but who know how to have a good time, and show others a good time, too. I'd count myself as one of them.

That being said it took me a long time to find someone. Why? Not because girls don't like nice guys but because I didn't like many of the girls who liked nice guys. My deal, not theirs. Yeah, I too had my fair share of the "slutty" girls (oops, now I'm a PIG). Then after the obvious I found we had precisely nothing to do together. Apart from sex but, meh, a wank is cheaper and requires considerably less effort (I'm not opposed to sex but if anything in our modern society is overrated it's that. And Steven Spielberg). Thing is, you can be an asshole and get plenty of girls, true. Problem is if you're an intelligent asshole you'll find that after you get them you don't actually want them. Fact is if you're above average intellect then most girls probably won't fulfill you. OK, I sound disgustingly elitist and like I'm overrating intellect, but it's not like that. I'm far less picky as far as friends are concerned, it's just that there's certain things you need from someone you'll spend much of your time with. And the ability to hold a decent conversation is one.

So what I'm saying is that it's not because you're nice; you probably wouldn't have that much of an easier time getting someone you really wanted if you were an asshole. Think about it, if she was actually into all that crap would you really want to spend that much time with her? She's most likely either immature or fucked up. There are girls who you'll really want out there, and as you move in wider circles you'll meet them. I understand the loneliness but think of it this way: are you bitter you don't already have a successfull career?

Oh, and we men are by and large fucked up and don't know what we want either.

yes they do

Wow, we both have unbelieveably similar experiences with love, Ryanania.

It's all the same with at my school - all the slutty girls (who arent even that pretty) keep hitting on me, then all the girls who I would consider having a serious relationship really aren't interested in me as anything beyond friends . . .

. . . however, those girls who I am friends with actually do have a good idea of what they want in a boyfriend (I think one of them likes this guy who's in a bunch of my classes; he is a "nice guy")

Speakin as a girly here, i think i know what you're going on about. It took me years to figure out that all the guys i was going for were absolute arseholes.
Well, one was psychotic and tried to kill me a few times, and the others mainly used me for sex. Sometimes the problem with "nice" guys is that they're just too nice to imagine having a relationship with, and they're not assertive enough. by the time they get around to letting us know that they're interested, we're fed up of waiting and the constant "does he like me or doesn't he? "and start looking elsewhere. Might be harsh, but that's just how it works

Sometimes the problem with "nice" guys is that they're just too nice to imagine having a relationship with, and they're not assertive enough. by the time they get around to letting us know that they're interested, we're fed up of waiting and the constant "does he like me or doesn't he? "and start looking elsewhere. Might be harsh, but that's just how it works

And we have a winner. It really has nothing to do with being a "nice guy" or an "asshole". Be assertive and confident. Being a wishy-washy walkover "nice guy" gets you nothing. Being a domineering "asshole" gets you something, but you may not want it in the end. Being confidently nice gets you the gold. (A bit of patience helps as well.)

Is it OK to call them that if they are actually a slut and say, screw 4 guys in the same night?
no its not
but it IS ok to decide not to date them

no its not
but it IS ok to decide not to date them

Haha :)

First off, here are some pictures of me:

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124201

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124202

Not bad, right?

Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice. I always get the same response, "Ryan, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I'm not good with relationships. I don't want to hurt you." Then they always go for the jerk, because they aren't afraid of hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.


dude
you need to chill, a lot of girls like nice guys and i am one of them. you are just looking in the wrong places. relax take it easy and trust me someone will want to be with you and they will stay with you because they will truely love you because your nice.
this is instead of only staying with you because you treat them like shit. i know of plenty of women that stay with men because the man will put her down and make the her feel like shit and make her feel as if she cannot get any better. therefore she gets stuck in a rut and she cant get out of it or she cant leave the relationship because she will now beleive that she cannot get any better than the twat she is with.
it is far better for you to stay as a nice guy as you will have the more meaningful and truer relationships, which is what i am assuming you want.

And we have a winner. It really has nothing to do with being a "nice guy" or an "asshole". Be assertive and confident. Being a wishy-washy walkover "nice guy" gets you nothing. Being a domineering "asshole" gets you something, but you may not want it in the end. Being confidently nice gets you the gold. (A bit of patience helps as well.)

Meh, I've tried it and I only get mixed success.

Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice. I always get the same response, "Ryan, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I'm not good with relationships. I don't want to hurt you." Then they always go for the jerk, because they aren't afraid of hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.
you're an idiot.

and in my opinion, nice guys don't label anyone a slut. ass.

It's all rather absolutist. Some women do not like some guys who consider themselves 'nice'.

So what? Some women would. And some guys who consider themselves 'nice' simply aren't. Again, so what?

I've had more than my fair share of male friends mooning over their lack of success with the opposite sex, and I've always told them to stop letting things get to them, just 'be yourself' and get on with things, and before long, someone'll twig to their desirability.

Not one of them took me seriously at the time, and yet all of them ended up in good relationships with a woman who loves them.

Sheesh. Go figure.

gee, thanks :rolleyes:

You think I'm excluding *myself* from the women who're bloody idiots? I got myself two lovely 'nice guy' boyfriends now (can a man in his mid 40s still be called a boyfriend) but yeesh, some of the exes...

I don't find being called a slut all that offensive
Me either. *Ethical* slut over here. I'm careful not to catch anything, don't lie to my partners etc. *shrugs*

I CAN HELP YOU OUT


I give it about a week of acting like that with me before you'd meet my little friend Steffy Strapon...

Me either. *Ethical* slut over here. I'm careful not to catch anything, don't lie to my partners etc. *shrugs*

You can be sexually active without being overtly slutty....

Not bad, right?

...

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.

Not bad...but I'm male so not in your category. Never mind.

But you don't look that old...that's the issue here. When women are younger they are more impressed by a nobbish guy who mouths off to everyone he can, just to look 'hard', and sees having sex with women as conquests.

Fortunately, as you get older, it will change.

Already at university, the guys and girls who are seen as 'players' get a reputation as such, and only get with people of the same type...or fools / drunks.

So don't despair...women will come around...

I totally agree with whoever said that it's not that nice guys don't get dates, it's that Boring guys are boring. Sooooooo true. If you don't know how to have a good time with a woman, make her laugh etc... you just don't get it, and you should learn how to get it... So learn some skills kid and stop complaining

dont wait so long to ask them out. then they cant think of you as a friend. you arent.

dont build a girl up in your mind as "THE GIRL" before you ask her out. that way if she turns you down you can just move on

MOVE ON FOR GOD"S SAKE. if one girl doesnt say yes. take a look around. there are PLENTY of nice girls who are just sitting there wondering why no boys ask them out. open your eyes. they are everywhere

ask out girls who arent your ideal but arent utterly NOT. boys who are dating have some girls seal of approval. that makes it more likely that other girls will say yes. teens tend to need outside approval so if you have it already you become "datable"

a date is just a DATE. its not a declartion of love and committment. try dating for FUN and see what happens.

you dont just fall into a serious relationship. it takes time. you are going to have to date quite a few girls before you find one who is right for you at the same time you are right for her.

You can be sexually active without being overtly slutty....

Yes, but there's a book called 'The Ethical Slut' covering the ethics of polyamoury...

Yeah. I'm also one of those rare teenagers that would like a serious relationship with a woman, but can't find it. I'm generally a nice guy, nice to women, and I wouldn't consider myself too shallow. However, I can't seem to find a girl that wants a serious realtionship with me! My last decent relationship, less than a year ago, lasted only about 3 months. Why did we break up? Cause she didn't want a serious relationship. Where is she now? In a serious relationship...On the other note, my friend is one of the nicest guys in the world...he's been dating his girlfriend for nearly 2 years now, and they're likely to get married. So, nice guys don't always finish last. Unless they're me.

Quote:

You're an idiot.

and in my opinion, nice guys don't label anyone a slut. ass.

U dont call a woman a slut. She might not share U´r point of view and moral values. Honestly I dont think U are a very nice guy :rolleyes: Maybe they dont like U because you are not SO VERY NICC AT ALL!?

Women are not about sex... :eek: :confused: ... Well ok... Sorry... They are also about sex.. mostly because we are MEN ;) But they demand respect and most of them deserve it. If U think they can be called "slut" because U sleep with one of them :Fluffle: ... Wot should then we call U?

Women are not about sex... :eek: :confused: ... Well ok... Sorry... They are also about sex.. mostly because we are MEN ;) But they demand respect and most of them deserve it. If U think they can be called "slut" because U sleep with one of them :Fluffle: ... Wot should then we call U?

Can someone translate this for me? Being english I tend to use the word 'tart' more than 'slut' unless I'm explaining something in terms of 'the ethical slut' (must get that back from the friend who borrowed it... fat chance of *that*) and I use that term to refer to both men and women, most usually affectionately.

dont wait so long to ask them out. then they cant think of you as a friend. you arent.

dont build a girl up in your mind as "THE GIRL" before you ask her out. that way if she turns you down you can just move on

MOVE ON FOR GOD"S SAKE. if one girl doesnt say yes. take a look around. there are PLENTY of nice girls who are just sitting there wondering why no boys ask them out. open your eyes. they are everywhere

ask out girls who arent your ideal but arent utterly NOT. boys who are dating have some girls seal of approval. that makes it more likely that other girls will say yes. teens tend to need outside approval so if you have it already you become "datable"

a date is just a DATE. its not a declartion of love and committment. try dating for FUN and see what happens.

you dont just fall into a serious relationship. it takes time. you are going to have to date quite a few girls before you find one who is right for you at the same time you are right for her.

Exactly. Hell, unless you're religious and think it's a sin, or don't take precautions, where's the problem with casual sex?

Can someone translate this for me? Being english I tend to use the word 'tart' more than 'slut' unless I'm explaining something in terms of 'the ethical slut' (must get that back from the friend who borrowed it... fat chance of *that*) and I use that term to refer to both men and women, most usually affectionately.

I believe the point the poster was trying to amke, was that the 'nice' guy, was perhaps not as nice as he thinks... since he refers to the interested girls as 'sluts'.

The use of slut here differs slightly from our 'tarts'... since 'tart' is only tangentially promiscuous, and is more about a sexually open attitude (in my experience).

'Slut' here, carries the ramifications of being 'whorish'... and is a way of describing the girl as (roughly) undiscriminatingly promiscuous... what used to be called (down our way) a 'bike'.

The point, I think - is about double standards - the old dichotomy that the boy with experience is a 'stud', but the girl is a 'slut'. Our erstwhile 'nice guy' considers any gril that WOULD be interested in him "sluttish".

As Groucho said (transposed) 'he wouldn't want any girl that would take him'.

Exactly. Hell, unless you're religious and think it's a sin, or don't take precautions, where's the problem with casual sex?

It takes away valuable masturbation time?

Seriously, I ask this in all honesty because I just don't get what the big deal is: what exactly does casual sex get you that a quiet night in [insert favourite wanking eurphemism here] doesn't?

It's not that women don't want "nice guys," it's that they will cough up an answer that they like a certain type of guy (when asked), an answer that is mostly a lie.

For example, women like "assertive, self confident" guys. Translation: alpha males, most often the loud jerk sorts, but not always.

Women like guys who "have a good sense of humor." Translation: a guy who ridicules or otherwise demeans the woman he's sleeping with and makes her feel like a young child.

Women like guys who are nice and "sensitive." Translation: sensitive to her every whimsical need and with the pocket book to buy it for her.

Generally, the problem is not that that women want a certain type of guy, its that they generally want something other than what they say they want. Not exactly a lie... or at least, a lot of women seem to honestly believe the lie... and yet then they wonder why they seem to date no one but assholes.

To be fair, it's not just women who have their heads up their asses. Most people do. Luckily I don't have to deal with about half in that regard.

*Sudden feeling of pity for bisexuals*

My two cents. (actually chris rock's).

1. Men don't have female friends, they just know women they haven't f**ked yet.

2. Remember when you were in high school and 90% of the girls wanted to have sex with 10% of the guys, and you thought it would change when you get older. It doesn't.

It takes away valuable masturbation time?

Seriously, I ask this in all honesty because I just don't get what the big deal is: what exactly does casual sex get you that a quiet night in [insert favourite wanking eurphemism here] doesn't?

Well if that works for you great. Doesn't for me. *shrug*

My two cents. (actually chris rock's).

1. Men don't have female friends, they just know women they haven't f**ked yet.


Well I'd disagree with that. I have friends I'm not interested in and who aren't interested in me. I have friends I've *previously* had a thing with and no longer do. My boyfriends have female friends they're not interested in sexually. How do I know they're not? Cause they're free to go there if they want, but they don't.

2. Remember when you were in high school and 90% of the girls wanted to have sex with 10% of the guys, and you thought it would change when you get older. It doesn't.

This one goes the other way too. 90% of the guys want 10% of the girls.

My boyfriends have female friends they're not interested in sexually. How do I know they're not? Cause they're free to go there if they want, but they don't.


Or maybe, like a lion, they don't kill every animal in the herd just because they're free to do so.

The quicker you understand the reality of male-female interaction the more you'll profit from it! Well, maybe. Actually, maybe understanding hampers profit.

Or maybe, like a lion, they don't kill every animal in the herd just because they're free to do so.

The quicker you understand the reality of male-female interaction the more you'll profit from it! Well, maybe. Actually, maybe understanding hampers profit.

You think I should *charge*?
Seriously. Not *EVERYTHING* between men and women is about sex. While lions will not kill every animal 'because they can' (or rather, get the females to do it for them) the dominant male *will* mate with all the females in his pride.

You think I should *charge*?
Seriously. Not *EVERYTHING* between men and women is about sex. While lions will not kill every animal 'because they can' (or rather, get the females to do it for them) the dominant male *will* mate with all the females in his pride.

Yeah, but the dominant male lion nevertheless sees more female lions in his life than he'll try to put into his pride.

I would say, most things, are in the end about sex for us humans. The genes demand it. Pleasure and instinct confirm and also demand it. Our society is structured around it. According to Freud we dream about it a lot of the time. The fact is, a guy can be attracted to a girl, and have the opportunity to go over and attempt to act on that, doesn't mean he will make that attempt. And this happens probably enough so that such guys, you consider friends, when in reality they simply have their own reasons for not having made a move on you (yet).

Hmmm...I have only one female friend that I haven't wanted to sleep with...and she reminded me of a stout little Janis Joplin. Fun girl.

First off, here are some pictures of me:

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124201

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124202

Not bad, right?

Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice. I always get the same response, "Ryan, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I'm not good with relationships. I don't want to hurt you." Then they always go for the jerk, because they aren't afraid of hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.


You'll never pull with an expression on your face as if you've got a bug up your ass as in those pictures.

You'll never pull with an expression on your face as if you've got a bug up your ass as in those pictures.

He's either trying to give the "serious look" or "tough guy" look...

Yeah, but the dominant male lion nevertheless sees more female lions in his life than he'll try to put into his pride.

I would say, most things, are in the end about sex for us humans. The genes demand it. Pleasure and instinct confirm and also demand it. Our society is structured around it. According to Freud we dream about it a lot of the time. The fact is, a guy can be attracted to a girl, and have the opportunity to go over and attempt to act on that, doesn't mean he will make that attempt. And this happens probably enough so that such guys, you consider friends, when in reality they simply have their own reasons for not having made a move on you (yet).

Jesus Christ in a bread basket, I do not, I repeat do not, want to do the nasty thing with all my female friends. Some, yeah, I have had notions. A few I've had strong feelings for at one time, in one case still. Most, though, I've never even remotely considered. I tell you honestly, seriously, that for me sex is really, really, really not that big a deal. Just because I have an extra appendage to women doesn't mean I feel the need to use it as an alternative to a brain.

Invoking Freud is a bit of a fraud since according to Freud if I dream about meeting Edgar Alan Poe in a castle made of tofu and discussing with him whether the existance of cabbage disproves God's omniscience then it means I have repressed feacophilia (well, maybe not exactly but you take my meaning). You can, of course, easily trace every action to sexual motivation. You could probably just as easily trace it to a desire for nice ties.

I always get the same response, "Ryan, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I'm not good with relationships. I don't want to hurt you." Then they always go for the jerk, because they aren't afraid of hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.

Hey, at least you can get to the point where you can even ask for a relationship. :) I'm a nice guy, according to a lot of people, but I'm A) ugly as sin, B) Boring (Economics student with Political ambitions, anyone?) and C) ...well, I can't think of a C), but I always try to have three reasons for everything.

Personally, I've given up on girls and the whole relationship thing right now (17) - probably for the best at the moment, what with college and then uni stuff 'n all.

Hey, maybe I'll just take the advice of some of the people who posted earlier back and be content with friendships with women instead. Then I just wait around for prostitution to be legalised in the UK and that's everything sorted.

(Regarding that last part, I do not go after a relationship with a women just for sex, even though that probably made me sound like I did. It's just that both the sexes have certain needs.)

Just go for girls with low self-esteem. They're easy.

First off, here are some pictures of me:

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124201

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124202

Not bad, right?

Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice. I always get the same response, "Ryan, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I'm not good with relationships. I don't want to hurt you." Then they always go for the jerk, because they aren't afraid of hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.

Being a jerk won't get you anywhere either. I've successfully found that moderation is the key, and self-confidence. If you don't think you're worth dating, why should I?

Plus, you'll find alot of women are just plain confused. So don't take rejection too seriously. Those are usually the ones who go for abusive guys anyway, and you can't really help them that much. :(

And if the girl is going through the trouble of being nice while she's rejecting you, try to take it graciously, and at best try to make it not seem like a big deal. Because she cares enough to let you down nicely.

Also, don't be obsessive. You may not seem obsessive but some subtle things can be taken as obsessive. Such as insisting to keep walking with them when they say you should go or they have to go. Usually when they say things like that they're looking out for both of your interests.

Learn from others' mistakes. I found these tidbits out in hard ways. (And now I'm a success story! If you'd like to hear more, send 6 easy payments of 9.99.99 to 123 Pinetree Lane, Springfield!)

It's been my experience that what women think they want in a man and what they are actually attracted to are two very very different things. If you don't have the right balance, there will be problems down the road.

most girls are stupid sluts who cannot make rational decisions without their stupid emotions. ex. Women voting for George Bush because they thought he was cuter than Kerry and they wonder why it took so long to get the right to vote.

Pleeeaasseeeee listen to me. Being a jer doesn't help! Going for the insecure needy girls cos 'they're easy' doesnt help either. Take it from a girl. I know where you're coming from with the whole we seem to go after the jerks, thats cos of the whole i want you but i cant have u cos u keep me on my toes. As fun and as exciting it appears, we do and will get bored eventually. Cos when it boils down to it, most girls just want a guy who'll treat her the way she wants to treated...i for one wouldn't take any guy who even thought about being a jerk. Hang in there with the mr nice guy cos miss nice girl will come along soon...or miss bad girl u can tame which might be even more enjoyable....numbers up there seems 2 have it just about right ;)

here whatyacallurface....got it all wrong. women would have made the wise decision n voted kerry.....bush is the result of boys n their toys n their lil war games....worked like a charm boys didnt it.... :gundge:

I've seen a lot of good advice in this thread, and I thank you all for that.

Although, I am rather dismayed that several people have flamed me. I'm not quite sure what I did to deserve it, so i'll just attribute it to their insecurity.

I'm jumping on the "lol generalizations are for morons" bandwagon.

Dude, I know where you're coming from. I've been in love with this one girl for over a year. We became quick friends, talking all the time, being there for each other. I honestly felt something was going on. So I asked her out. She said yes. But it didn't happen. Every time, there was always something that kept her from going anywhere. Then she started going out with other people, total jerks. But, don't worry, we could "always be friends!" And none of these guys were ever there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on. I was. Maybe that's where I went wrong. Maybe I was too nice. Maybe I wasn't the pothead, alcoholic, high school dropout like the guy who just dumped her. Am I upset? You bet. But that doesn't change a thing. I still love her, and I would fight through heaven and hell for her. I would die for her. Nothing is going to change that, ever. My advice, be yourself. If these girls don't like you for who you are, screw them. They're not worth your time. You'll find some girl who will love you, and want to be with you, and cherish you, for who you are. That doesn't mean to not change for someone. That just means don't change to impress someone. Change to keep someone you love.

Dude, I know where you're coming from. I've been in love with this one girl for over a year. We became quick friends, talking all the time, being there for each other. I honestly felt something was going on. So I asked her out. She said yes. But it didn't happen. Every time, there was always something that kept her from going anywhere. Then she started going out with other people, total jerks. But, don't worry, we could "always be friends!" And none of these guys were ever there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on. I was. Maybe that's where I went wrong. Maybe I was too nice. Maybe I wasn't the pothead, alcoholic, high school dropout like the guy who just dumped her. Am I upset? You bet. But that doesn't change a thing. I still love her, and I would fight through heaven and hell for her. I would die for her. Nothing is going to change that, ever. My advice, be yourself. If these girls don't like you for who you are, screw them. They're not worth your time. You'll find some girl who will love you, and want to be with you, and cherish you, for who you are. That doesn't mean to not change for someone. That just means don't change to impress someone. Change to keep someone you love.

There - right there is the answer. :)

Whoa, I just saw where you're from man. You're from Virginia Beach? I'm in Chesapeake!

I'm jumping on the "lol generalizations are for morons" bandwagon.Yes, yes, I know. I didn't mean to make a blanket statement-- I was just kind of upset at the time. It just seems like the majority of girls are not the least bit interested in nice guys.

Whoa, I just saw where you're from man. You're from Virginia Beach? I'm in Chesapeake!Well, I'm in Virginia Beach, but I'm from Redding, California. I'm out in Dam Neck.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.
*pets* poor dear! Here, have a lollypop and a CPU.

Now, before you start saying that, not all nice guys finish last. My ex-boyfriend who was a complete tool finished last. My boyfriend is a nice guy and he didn't finish last. There is hope.

I know where you are then. I'm in the Hickory area.

*pets* poor dear! Here, have a lollypop and a CPU.

Now, before you start saying that, not all nice guys finish last. My ex-boyfriend who was a complete tool finished last. My boyfriend is a nice guy and he didn't finish last. There is hope.I don't really like lollypops, but I could always pawn the CPU.

You know, "nice guys finish last" is a double entendre.



The motivational psychology of the female sex is well outside the realm of possible male understanding.

The sooner you accept that the happier you will be with your relationships.

You know, "nice guys finish last" is a double entendre.



The motivational psychology of the female sex is well outside the realm of possible male understanding.

The sooner you accept that the happier you will be with your relationships.Yeah, I figured that out long ago, but it still bothers me.

I don't really like lollypops, but I could always pawn the CPU.
:D smile. It'll be ok. You're young still. Give the ladies time. It helps to start friendships. Even if they don't take the bait, they might have single friends...

look take it from wot u already know. us women...yeh we're pretty complicated but we don't all go for the jerks. Plus maybe the guys aren't complete jerks, maybe they jus seem like it cos u like her so much, i no i do that all the time with my ex boyfriends....? :confused:

Yeah, but the dominant male lion nevertheless sees more female lions in his life than he'll try to put into his pride.

I would say, most things, are in the end about sex for us humans. The genes demand it. Pleasure and instinct confirm and also demand it. Our society is structured around it. According to Freud we dream about it a lot of the time. The fact is, a guy can be attracted to a girl, and have the opportunity to go over and attempt to act on that, doesn't mean he will make that attempt. And this happens probably enough so that such guys, you consider friends, when in reality they simply have their own reasons for not having made a move on you (yet).

Yeah, I'm not their type. Even for casual sex.

look take it from wot u already know. us women...yeh we're pretty complicated but we don't all go for the jerks. Plus maybe the guys aren't complete jerks, maybe they jus seem like it cos u like her so much, i no i do that all the time with my ex boyfriends....? :confused:

No flame intended at all, but why is it that people cannot simply act how they actually feel? I don't limit this to talking only about girls - we do it too.

Example - I'm friends with two people who used to go out with eachother for a year. It was a shaky relationship and a lotta things went screwy - long story short, they broke up.

For the record, it was her fault - and that makes this even more puzzling. The guy has gone on with his life and got over the event - has a new relationship and doesn't even talk about his ex anymore. The girl on the other hand, whilst having had two new relationships since then, still seems stuck in the past. To quote myself: "For someone who claims she is over him, she doesn't half go on about him a lot."

Now, that's just one example and - as I already said - I'm not limiting this just to girls acting wierd; we do it to. Thing I can't work out is why? Maybe it's because I've never had a relationship with anyone yet, but it just doesn't make sense to me...

No, boring guys are boring. It's just that some boring guys use niceness as the reason they're dateless rather than the true reason...
Dammit. I knew there was something......sniffle.

Friends and Lovers should always be separate ideas. Unless you're getting married, ofcourse. But since you are still in high school, I'm thinking, follow your lust. If you're too nice, people (girls) will just expect that from you and take your sweetness for granted. That's some Machiavelli for you. "liberality, practiced in such a way that you get a reputation for it, is damaging to you", not that a woman should be governed, but control is inevitable in a relationship.

korea i get that, sorry when i said "my ex boyfriend" i meant ex flings lol. I think it all boils down to not taking things so personally. It sounds a bit mad saying that cos your probably thinking, how can i not she dumped for some hard nut...but think about it, either the hard nut isnt as hard as he's made out to be and that's why she likes him or....in truthfulness, she used a pathetic excuse to break up with you, maybe she just wanted something different, i don't know. but as for being a nice guy is no excuse, all girls are differents...so are guys, u want a slut, u want a virgin, u want a jigglo, u want a 'nice guy'...wotever. Don't take it personally as people annoyingly say....................There's plenty more fish in the sea....

First off, here are some pictures of me:

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/att...p?postid=124201

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/att...p?postid=124202

Not bad, right?

Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice. I always get the same response, "Ryan, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I'm not good with relationships. I don't want to hurt you." Then they always go for the jerk, because they aren't afraid of hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.

Um... dude...
You're obviously basing your opinion of women on a couple of isolated experiences. From the pictures, you're pretty young. Maybe you should wait a while before generalising? *shifty*

And I hate how girls are always divided into "nice or slutty." Hey, I had friends who were "slutty" but they were just as nice as other girls.

And as a woman, I've only ever liked "nice" guys, whatever that means. I seriously doubt that not wanting to hurt your feeling is a reason no to go out with someone...

Just go for girls with low self-esteem. They're easy.
Oh my god what a pain in the ass. Run, don't walk, away from that like women for the most part have the good sense to do with men with low self-esteem.

First of all, they can't take a compliment. That makes being a boyfriend a hassle. "You look good today, hell you look good everyday." "I look horrible, your just saying that because you have to." Ah sweet christ, that never gets old....

Then theres the fishing trips she takes just to prompt those conversations. And when those become too much of a hassle for you to bother which (never mind having the object of your desire question your desire and tastes...) then comes the troubled crying jags about how you don't love her anymore becuase shes [insert insecurety] and the five day dredging period trying to get her out of it. Ugh.

Then, if you're lucky, she'll start to pull out of it and start realising she really is a decent person that people want to be around and such, which she may have never experienced before. But then will want to explore that new world, which she can't do with a boyfriend-but she'll always have a special place in her heart for you...

Yeah, dude. Take a pass on that. Let some other sucker do that work for you.

Buddy heres my take on women:

In highschool the majority are worried that guys dont like them and that they look ugly. You do have exceptions, some girls could give a shit (very rare) some girls are true sluts (they do jsut want to get off, guy style, but rare as well)


The majority will have one serious boyfriend who they lose there virginity to or go "far" with. Very rarely this couple will stay together but the majority will break up. The girl will become lonely or become pissed of at her X. To cope with this, the girl will go into a slut stage, sleeping with a number of men in order to deal with being lonely or to get back at the X. I have had many gfs in my 29 years and I swear 90% of em went through this "slut" stage.

During that slut stage, the girl will proabably meet a real decent bf. Thats where the true long term relationship will occur. And the girl will then become devoted to her new bf and feel lucky after her last serious bf and all the bastards she did before becoming your bf.

You wont be able to meet these girls in der slut stages until you alittle older, but believe me they will flock to you if:
1) you have a sense of humor
2) your nice but not a pussy pushover. Dont take the guilt trips + chicks that want you as a sugar daddy.
3) you work out. As a guy who works out, muscles do indeed attract the vast majority of girls. Any girl who tells you "its ok that your a little skinny, I like being with you" is full of BS or has never gotten off. Most girls like feeling protected and a guy with muscles will do that for them....
4) your not a complete idiot. Have something to say, being built and funny only goes so far, might get you laid but not a decent gf. being in collage will help with this...

5) ASK EM OUT!!!!!! They aint gonna wait for you to ask them out. How are you going to get a gf if you dont ask em?? Trust me, you will get shot down alot but some will say ya.

:eek: J

I've seen a lot of good advice in this thread, and I thank you all for that.

Although, I am rather dismayed that several people have flamed me. I'm not quite sure what I did to deserve it, so i'll just attribute it to their insecurity.

Probably jealous or something, yeah. Thing is, if you're going for girls your own age - which you presumably are - they're probably not sure of what they want yet. Sometimes girls will shy away from a guy they know wants a serious relationship straight off, because it's a bit overwhelming, especially when you're young. The two guys I'm with, I've been with over a year, and neither one of them I would have gone for if they'd come in wanting a serious relationship straight off - it would have been too scary, and I wouldn't have been sure I wanted that. Now I know them better, I do want to be with them long-term.
Some younger girls only want to date older guys, 'because guys my age are soooo immature!'
Another thing that's unfortunately a factor is that if they've not seen you date anyone else, they might be wondering what's so bad about you that they've not noticed. Has everyone been warned off you but *them*?
I almost never want any sort of relationship with a guy until I know a bit about him - which means being friends first. It's hard to work out when would be a good time to mention there's some attraction there - leave it too long and you miss your chance, she's seen someone else interested, do it too soon, and she'll think you were only *pretending* to be her friend because you were attracted to her.
One thing I'm interested by - you said something along the lines of only slutty girls being interested in you. Is it just that you perceive any girl who would make the first move as slutty, or something else? What makes you say they're slutty?
The no-doubt distorted impression I get from TV is that the cheerleaders go out with the football team, according to some weird sort of pecking order on both sides rather than any real interest, which is probably a horrible exaggeration of what actually happens - but if you're on a sports team it could be that the 'nice' girls think they're not in with a chance with you, have the idea that the sporty guys are only interested in the slutty girls, or are only interested in them for sex. There's a whole load of expectations around relationships in schools that largely go away once you're out of school.

Yes, yes, I know. I didn't mean to make a blanket statement-- I was just kind of upset at the time. It just seems like the majority of girls are not the least bit interested in nice guys.

Maybe not - there's a certain tendency for 'nice' girls who actually *want* to be somewhat naughty to let themselves get fooled by bad lads, because then it's not their *fault* if they go out with however many different guys, experiment a bit, before they're ready to settle down with a nice guy. There's bad girls that do this for years without getting a repuation for being a bad girl - just a bit gullible.
Of course - there's also the factor of nice girls genuinely getting fooled by bad lads, because those bad lads knew exactly what to say to make the girls think they were nicer than they were. Remember - what guys say amongst themselves and what they say to girls are going to be very different things.

I know i categorised earlier with the whole "slut" and "nice guy" thing but i was only trying to prove a point that there's someone different for anybody and i totally agree that not wanting to hurt someone's feelings is a reason to break up with you...which is what i was trying to say before about her maybe just using it as an excuse cos she just simply maybe didn't want to be in a relationship, and as for the rest of u guys wud u stop categorising women! gee i no we're akward but come on! :headbang:

Oh my god what a pain in the ass. Run, don't walk, away from that like women for the most part have the good sense to do with men with low self-esteem.

First of all, they can't take a compliment. That makes being a boyfriend a hassle. "You look good today, hell you look good everyday." "I look horrible, your just saying that because you have to." Ah sweet christ, that never gets old....

Then theres the fishing trips she takes just to prompt those conversations. And when those become too much of a hassle for you to bother which (never mind having the object of your desire question your desire and tastes...) then comes the troubled crying jags about how you don't love her anymore becuase shes [insert insecurety] and the five day dredging period trying to get her out of it. Ugh.

Then, if you're lucky, she'll start to pull out of it and start realising she really is a decent person that people want to be around and such, which she may have never experienced before. But then will want to explore that new world, which she can't do with a boyfriend-but she'll always have a special place in her heart for you...

Yeah, dude. Take a pass on that. Let some other sucker do that work for you.

I know it can work out like that too. But my friend has this girl completely under his power, whatever he wants, she'll do it, whether it be sex or his homework.

I know it can work out like that too. But my friend has this girl completely under his power, whatever he wants, she'll do it, whether it be sex or his homework.
I got that too, but I thought it was creepy. I had to stop her from doing those things. (alright, I wasn't all gung ho about stopping the sex, but anyway...). The lack of dignity should get to you, unless you're a pimp.

You know, "nice guys finish last" is a double entendre.



The motivational psychology of the female sex is well outside the realm of possible male understanding.

The sooner you accept that the happier you will be with your relationships.

Hell, I am female and I don't understand some of them. Especially the ones under 20. Women and men are *encouraged* in some ways to not be honest with each other. It drives me nuts because I don't play those games. If I say 'does this look good on me?' I don't mean 'tell me I look great or I'll sulk at you forever', I want to know if he thinks it looks good. I want to know that if we're going out I'm someone he wants to be seen with.
Every guy I've been out with has thought that when I said 'don't get me anything for valentines day I hate it and it's a waste of money' means 'get me something good OR ELSE!' and hasn't been able to understand why I then got pissed at them for buying me some pink piece of junk.

Friends and Lovers should always be separate ideas. Unless you're getting married, ofcourse. But since you are still in high school, I'm thinking, follow your lust. If you're too nice, people (girls) will just expect that from you and take your sweetness for granted. That's some Machiavelli for you. "liberality, practiced in such a way that you get a reputation for it, is damaging to you", not that a woman should be governed, but control is inevitable in a relationship.

I'd disagree. The only truly disastrous relationships I've had - and there were two - were the two guys I didn't know beforehand as friends. Every other guy I've ever dated, I've been friends with first. If you don't know each other - where does the love come from? You can't love someone you don't know, not really - if you think you do, you're in love with who you *think* they are, not who they *really* are, and that can only lead to problems.
I also disagree about one partner being necessarily in control. I would not be interested in a guy who wouldn't compromise on things - and have had relationships end because of it. But nor do I want a doormat who'll do everything I tell him. I've had a relationship end because of that, too.

Oh my god what a pain in the ass. Run, don't walk, away from that like women for the most part have the good sense to do with men with low self-esteem.

First of all, they can't take a compliment. That makes being a boyfriend a hassle. "You look good today, hell you look good everyday." "I look horrible, your just saying that because you have to." Ah sweet christ, that never gets old....

Then theres the fishing trips she takes just to prompt those conversations. And when those become too much of a hassle for you to bother which (never mind having the object of your desire question your desire and tastes...) then comes the troubled crying jags about how you don't love her anymore becuase shes [insert insecurety] and the five day dredging period trying to get her out of it. Ugh.

Then, if you're lucky, she'll start to pull out of it and start realising she really is a decent person that people want to be around and such, which she may have never experienced before. But then will want to explore that new world, which she can't do with a boyfriend-but she'll always have a special place in her heart for you...

Yeah, dude. Take a pass on that. Let some other sucker do that work for you.

Oh hell yes, spare us from the neurotic ones... trouble is, to a certain extent women are *encouraged* to be like that. Avoid the ones who read chick-lit.

I'd disagree. The only truly disastrous relationships I've had - and there were two - were the two guys I didn't know beforehand as friends. Every other guy I've ever dated, I've been friends with first. If you don't know each other - where does the love come from? You can't love someone you don't know, not really - if you think you do, you're in love with who you *think* they are, not who they *really* are, and that can only lead to problems.
I also disagree about one partner being necessarily in control. I would not be interested in a guy who wouldn't compromise on things - and have had relationships end because of it. But nor do I want a doormat who'll do everything I tell him. I've had a relationship end because of that, too.
I agree with you on the friends issue. My partner and I were friends first, and I think we were helped by the fact that we were long-distance friends, so we did a lot of talking before we became a couple.

3) you work out. As a guy who works out, muscles do indeed attract the vast majority of girls. Any girl who tells you "its ok that your a little skinny, I like being with you" is full of BS or has never gotten off. Most girls like feeling protected and a guy with muscles will do that for them....

You're probably right with that one with most women, but that's just the initial attraction. It's a way to get their attention, but unless they *like youre personality* you'll get nowhere. I love the idea of a guy who can handle a sword, and guys in kilts. It's a Highlander thing, I guess. I know a whole bunch of fencers, and a whole bunch of scottish guys (and one kilt-wearing sword-capable Swede). Never dated any of them.
I don't like to feel that I need a man to protect me. It would make me feel weak and stupid to have to be saved by someone else if something bad happened. I'm not exactly a big girl, and I don't have any martial arts training - but apparently I've got attitude in buckets cause I've faced down a few guys who could probably have made mincemeat of me.
One of my current boyfriends is over 6 foot, ex-army, has a black-belt and is a truck driver. His muscle comes from working, not from a gym. Is that why I'm with him? Hell no, it's because he's one of the *nicest* people I've ever met. One of the first things he ever did for me, when we hardly knew each other, was to drive a 600 mile round trip to collect an ebay purchase for me, when my dad was 'too tired, I'll do it next week.' The two weekends after that he helped me move house - did most of the packing for me, even, because I'd broken a rib. He's like that for everyone he considers a friend.
My other boyfriend is closer to my age, but most girls would consider him short and fat. I love his soft fuzzy cuddly tummy and his smile and his eyes, and for some reason I let him call me things like 'petal' that I'd not let anyone else do. I like it when he does it, cause it's him.
I can only think of *one* thing that every guy I've loved has had in common - they saw me for who I really am and liked it, and I liked them for who they are. I have no time for fake guys, guys trying to be something they're not to impress me. If I dressed up to impress my guys and pretended to be something I'm not - tried to be more like my fashionista friends and got my nails done and stuff - they'd not be interested in me. Sometimes I do those girlie things - but I do them for me, not for them. I do them cause I feel like a change.
Whenever a guy has been faking something with me, and I've not noticed it straight away - it's always ended the relationship pretty much as soon as I found out. What most women want, no matter what initially attracts them or what they *say* they want - what they really want is a guy who's comfortable with himself, and wants to know who she really is. Apart from those neurotic ones. They're neurotic because they've not figured out what it's all about yet.

I know it can work out like that too. But my friend has this girl completely under his power, whatever he wants, she'll do it, whether it be sex or his homework.

Well, maybe she's submissive and likes that sort of thing. Or maybe one day she'll snap and stab him in the eye with a stiletto heel. People vary, and there's that whole 'in love' temporary insanity, which girls especially are encouraged to think of as a good thing and give in to. I've done some pretty stupid things under the influence of *that* one... but not for long.

I'd disagree. The only truly disastrous relationships I've had - and there were two - were the two guys I didn't know beforehand as friends. Every other guy I've ever dated, I've been friends with first. If you don't know each other - where does the love come from? You can't love someone you don't know, not really - if you think you do, you're in love with who you *think* they are, not who they *really* are, and that can only lead to problems.
I also disagree about one partner being necessarily in control. I would not be interested in a guy who wouldn't compromise on things - and have had relationships end because of it. But nor do I want a doormat who'll do everything I tell him. I've had a relationship end because of that, too.

Do you believe in love at first sight? By fate and/or hormones? Were you attracted to your friend when you first became "friends"? Maybe you became friends because you were so attracted to him? If not, then how will a relationship work without attraction?

I didn't mean that one side of the relationship was in control over another, I meant control over how nice you are, and how much you share. Not spewing out too much of yourself in the first hours of the relationship, because you will get hurt in the end. Notice I said: Women should not be governed.

how come this is such an issue? i can now see this as an excuse to have a battle of the sexes...lets not go there. ur a nice guy ryan, move on and quit while ur still ahead of the game

I agree with you on the friends issue. My partner and I were friends first, and I think we were helped by the fact that we were long-distance friends, so we did a lot of talking before we became a couple.

Yep, most of my boyfriends I've 'met' over the internet first, and sometimes I've decided I'm interested before I even knew what they looked like - but then if looks were important to me I'd have bothered plucking my eyebrows this week, and wouldn't be dating a guy with grey hair and a podgy guy. The only trouble with the distance, of course, is that if neither of you can *move* to the other one's area, the distance can screw things up.
I ended up breaking up with a great guy from california because a couple of his friends convinced him I only wanted him so I could move there... I would much rather he had come here, but his career was much more established than mine, and *he* had been the one to suggest I move there.

*raises a shot of Jack*

Hell yeah man, I know first hand what you're getting at. Happened to me more times than I can count practically.

I don't think women know what they want until they are well out of their early 20's.
And you're a pretty good looking guy so I'm inclined to agree with you on that one.

*hides from the generalisations*

You're probably right with that one with most women, but that's just the initial attraction. It's a way to get their attention, but unless they *like youre personality* you'll get nowhere. I love the idea of a guy who can handle a sword, and guys in kilts. It's a Highlander thing, I guess. I know a whole bunch of fencers, and a whole bunch of scottish guys (and one kilt-wearing sword-capable Swede). Never dated any of them.
I don't like to feel that I need a man to protect me. It would make me feel weak and stupid to have to be saved by someone else if something bad happened. I'm not exactly a big girl, and I don't have any martial arts training - but apparently I've got attitude in buckets cause I've faced down a few guys who could probably have made mincemeat of me.
One of my current boyfriends is over 6 foot, ex-army, has a black-belt and is a truck driver. His muscle comes from working, not from a gym. Is that why I'm with him? Hell no, it's because he's one of the *nicest* people I've ever met. One of the first things he ever did for me, when we hardly knew each other, was to drive a 600 mile round trip to collect an ebay purchase for me, when my dad was 'too tired, I'll do it next week.' The two weekends after that he helped me move house - did most of the packing for me, even, because I'd broken a rib. He's like that for everyone he considers a friend.
My other boyfriend is closer to my age, but most girls would consider him short and fat. I love his soft fuzzy cuddly tummy and his smile and his eyes, and for some reason I let him call me things like 'petal' that I'd not let anyone else do. I like it when he does it, cause it's him.
I can only think of *one* thing that every guy I've loved has had in common - they saw me for who I really am and liked it, and I liked them for who they are. I have no time for fake guys, guys trying to be something they're not to impress me. If I dressed up to impress my guys and pretended to be something I'm not - tried to be more like my fashionista friends and got my nails done and stuff - they'd not be interested in me. Sometimes I do those girlie things - but I do them for me, not for them. I do them cause I feel like a change.
Whenever a guy has been faking something with me, and I've not noticed it straight away - it's always ended the relationship pretty much as soon as I found out. What most women want, no matter what initially attracts them or what they *say* they want - what they really want is a guy who's comfortable with himself, and wants to know who she really is. Apart from those neurotic ones. They're neurotic because they've not figured out what it's all about yet.


Well, im sure to piss alot of people off but, swedes are ummmmmmmmm probably not the best idea of manly men. :p

But ya muscles are a way of getting that girl to notice you at first. You should have more going for you than jsut muscles.

:eek: J

Well, im sure to piss alot of people off but, swedes are ummmmmmmmm probably not the best idea of manly men. :p

But ya muscles are a way of getting that girl to notice you at first. You should have more going for you than jsut muscles.

:eek: J

Oh I dunno, this guy is the sort you can imagine in a horned helmet charging at you off a longboat. Or is that norwegians? Very muscular, very skilled in both armed and unarmed combat. I know he can lift me like I'm nothing cause he lifted me over a wall to go get a frisbee we'd been playing with. Just for some reason not my type. I guess maybe I just don't know enough about him. Or maybe it was that time he was dressed up as a samurai at a convention, ran up stairs to deal with a security issue, trod on his hem and went flying... and spent three days avoiding advice on how to deal with wearing a long skirt. :)
Some girls are a bit put off by muscles. I know I don't find gym-sculped bodies attractive. I guess it's just another thing that comes under my dislike of the artificial.

The motivational psychology of the female sex is well outside the realm of possible male understanding.
Lies! We're not stupid!

dont be ashamed of what u are...eventually it will land us the best girls....right?

Lies! We're not stupid!


Sure we can say that women just want a guy with money or this or that or what have you, but most people end up getting married, and most people arent rich/powerful/beautiful.

IN any case though, I have found in my experience that the sort of "nice guy" who "finishes last" ;) is the kind that women do like. For obvious reasons.

Hmmmm didn't read all the posts cause I got bored. but it seems like everyone thinks nice guys finish last and jerks get the girl, man I wished I lived were you all live, around here all the girls go for the nice guys and since I'm one of those jerks I'm left out in the cold, sure there are a few hotties that are interested but most of them right now are mad at me because I beat up this "nice guy" who pissed me off, owell lol.

dont be ashamed of what u are...eventually it will land us the best girls....right?
I had the nice guy problem, in fact I was even turned down a few times with the line "I'm sorry, your too nice". That really got on my nerves. In the end though I met a woman who thought that being nice was the best so we are now working on living happily ever after. :)
Oh and it was love at first sight. I am not the only example of this amongst my group of mates so its not all bad.

First off, here are some pictures of me:

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124201

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124202

Not bad, right?

Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice. I always get the same response, "Ryan, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I'm not good with relationships. I don't want to hurt you." Then they always go for the jerk, because they aren't afraid of hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.

Not true -- I'm marrying quite a nice guy. :)
Don't expect too much too soon. I am going to assume, probably incorrectly, that you're in high school based on your picture. I don't think many people actually know what they want from a relationship at that age -- and in the short term, many women do seem to fall for the lout. Eventually, they wise up and go for the one who'll treat them with respect.

There you go, happy endings from both genders :D
It does happen and much more often than it sometimes seems.

Women are a force of evil.
They only feel pleasure when men suffers.
All they enjoy in their lives is making us miserable.
Oh, damn, I wish I was gay.
I hate women.
hate hate hate hate hate hate.
Always using us as puppets, always toying us with our emotions, always assuming we have no feelings.
And always making us feel guilty.
Damn, I hate how women make me feel guilty.
"Oh, honey, look, I know you plucked my eye out with a broken webcam, but hey, look, don´t cry, I still got another eye left, I know it was my fault that you ripped my eye out of my face, I probably deserved it, look, don´t cry babe..."
Oh, and always throwing us against each other.
Nothing better to ruin a friendship then a woman.
Damn.
Of all the things I love, women are the ones I hate most.

Women are a force of evil.
They only feel pleasure when men suffers.
All they enjoy in their lives is making us miserable.
Oh, damn, I wish I was gay.
I hate women.
hate hate hate hate hate hate.
Always using us as puppets, always toying us with our emotions, always assuming we have no feelings.
And always making us feel guilty.
Damn, I hate how women make me feel guilty.
"Oh, honey, look, I know you plucked my eye out with a broken webcam, but hey, look, don´t cry, I still got another eye left, I know it was my fault that you ripped my eye out of my face, I probably deserved it, look, don´t cry babe..."
Oh, and always throwing us against each other.
Nothing better to ruin a friendship then a woman.
Damn.
Of all the things I love, women are the ones I hate most.

Awww, but we love you.

Awww, but we love you.
rofl

What can I change about myself so that I don't have this problem with relationships? I can't be a jerk to get girls, because I just don't have it in me to be like that.

This is the first time I've been away from home. I'm 3,000 miles away from everyone I know, and I've never been this lonely before. There must be women out there who feel the same way I do, but I just can't find any.

What can I change about myself so that I don't have this problem with relationships? I can't be a jerk to get girls, because I just don't have it in me to be like that.

This is the first time I've been away from home. I'm 3,000 miles away from everyone I know, and I've never been this lonely before. There must be women out there who feel the same way I do, but I just can't find any.

Go to a bar, drink until you lose your consciouness, when you wake up, there will be a woman next to you in bed. It´s like magic. I don´t know how it works, it simply does.

What can I change about myself so that I don't have this problem with relationships? I can't be a jerk to get girls, because I just don't have it in me to be like that.

This is the first time I've been away from home. I'm 3,000 miles away from everyone I know, and I've never been this lonely before. There must be women out there who feel the same way I do, but I just can't find any.
Don't change man, sooner or later you'll meet one that knows what she wants and it'll be you for being a good guy. The jerks might get the girls but they can rarely keep them. Take the chance to be yourself in a new place. I moved across Europe to see a bit of the world and spent a miserable few weeks until I started trying to meet people - it was tough but it paid off, I met my girlfriend and I wasn't even looking - too busy trying to settle in.

Ryan, I just want you to know that you shouldn't despair. That girl you wish you had so much will eventually show up some day. To bad we were too far away. You were always such a gentleman and I really loved that about you. Anyway, maybe you're looking at the wrong girls, trying to find them in the wrong place or maybe you're just a lot more mature than they are. "There's very few people like us nowadays"...do you remember? Keep on being yourself and don't give up on your dreams *the non-military ones please*. I want you to be happy and someday have a wonderful fulfilling life. I truly wish you the best of luck. *hug* ~"Marina Romanova of Flamazon"

I do need to go out into town more. It's just that I'm stuck on this base most of the time. I guess that if I go out there and just start asking for the number of every girl I meet, I'm bound to find the right one eventually, even though I'll get dissed most of the time, and will probably feel even worse than I do now.

Hey Ryan....my name's Ryan too but that's not all we have in common. We both seem to be having the same problem with women. And, over the years, I might have to agree with you on "Women don't like nice guys". I almost joined up to serve in the forces myself. However, I took a different route; I went to a university and took up Psychology and Philosophy. I figured since no girl would go out with me because I was a nice guy....they always seem to be attracted to the doctors in the world...but anyways, I'm currently writing a book about relationships and was wondering if you or anyone else in this thread would be willing to participate in a survey. I do need both men and women and all ages. The survey takes an average of 3 minutes to fill out. All one has to do is arrange the listed 18 traits in order of importance. If anything, it might give you a chance to figure out exactly what you're looking for in a potential mate. If you're interesting in the survey or just chatting about things, please feel free to contact me by any of these methods:

1. Email: rcantb@yahoo.com
2. AIM: WheresRyan02
3. MSN: rcantb@yahoo.com
4. yahoo messenger: rcantb
5. or of course, Telegram me in NS, elsiemarie.

Best of luck to you Ryan...and everyone else reading this...

Wheres Ryan

You are a young handsome man, but you are too young for me. Perhaps you need to develop more confidence instead of being mean. Confidence is what young women want in a mate. They like the nice behavior, but need someone to feel good about themselves too.

Honestly, self-confidence is the best trait you can develope to attract people to want to be around you.

Slender Goddess

That's not true. We love nice guys. I just wish I could find some that aren't gay and like me too. I hope my current crush turns out to be the second, because unlike my ex-boyfriend he is also attractive.

Although, here's something you might want to consider. Be a little flirty if you are interested in a girl. You don't want to go overboard, but the fact is if you just develop a friendship, she'll think of you as a friend. I do this with guys too, I always forget to keep the "girlfriend" possibility in his mind. Anyway, smile a lot, be lightly suggestive but not pervy, and that way we won't entirely platonicize you.

Or, it might just be that there's a lack of mature girls/women in the dating pool where you live. If that's the case, just wait it out. I always say I'd like a boyfriend, but I'd way rather be single than go out with some dipwad or change my personality for a guy. I hope you think the same way.

First off, here are some pictures of me:

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124201

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124202

Not bad, right?

Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice. I always get the same response, "Ryan, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I'm not good with relationships. I don't want to hurt you." Then they always go for the jerk, because they aren't afraid of hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.

I'm assuming you're in high school still? (Judging from the photo)
You will not meet the love of your life in high school; the chances are so slim you can almost count on it.
Now -- and I'm an authority on this because I happen to BE a woman -- women are totally stupid. Especially young women. They won't figure out what they really want until they get older. If I had met my husband when I was a teenager, I wouldn't have had a clue what a treasure he is.

So for one (and I know it's irritating) give it some time.
Another thing you might consider is the fact that maybe there are nice girls that say the same thing about you...? There actually are nice girls that want nice guys. However, if you're attracted to bad girls -- and somehow think you'll be able to change them -- you're reallllllllly dead wrong. You're setting yourself up to become very bitter.

Figure out what you really want, and look for that. Don't look for a woman to BECOME that. Does that make any sense?

Do you believe in love at first sight? By fate and/or hormones? Were you attracted to your friend when you first became "friends"? Maybe you became friends because you were so attracted to him? If not, then how will a relationship work without attraction?

I believe in *attraction* at first sight, but not love. As a lot of the time I became friends with people over the internet first, and didn't really know what they looked like. I can think of at least one boyfriend I'd not actually met when I decided I was *interested* in them. I had seen a photo, but it wasn't a very good photo.

I didn't mean that one side of the relationship was in control over another, I meant control over how nice you are, and how much you share. Not spewing out too much of yourself in the first hours of the relationship, because you will get hurt in the end. Notice I said: Women should not be governed.

Fair enough, I misunderstood, but yes, investing too much straight away is a bad idea. If nothing else it can freak the girl out and scare her off.

What can I change about myself so that I don't have this problem with relationships? I can't be a jerk to get girls, because I just don't have it in me to be like that.

This is the first time I've been away from home. I'm 3,000 miles away from everyone I know, and I've never been this lonely before. There must be women out there who feel the same way I do, but I just can't find any.

NO! No no nono! Don't change who you are. That's the one big nono, I'd say. Be yourself. OK so you may not get results straight away, but nothing worth having just drops into your lap. You've just gone away to uni, yes? You're a bit lost and confused? Well so are all the girls. I dunno about over there, but over here there's a whole bunch of clubs for people with similar interests, and they're probably going to be your best bet to meet someone.

Oooooohhhh I know this exact feeling. "God, you are the best FRIEND I could ever ask for...but...it's just...I don't feel that way for you." Now, I have been told by stranger and friend alike I'm not that bad looking, but I really could not care less. I am the guy all the girls come to for advice or to tell me how sad they are, or how their piece of shisse relationship is working out for them, woopdido.

I have boiled it down to this. The nice guys get the girls AFTER they have been used and abused, because now they are already completly worn out. Thus...nice guys basically get left-overs. I am a 100% gentleman, a chivilric knight kind of person, but, if you want that girl, do not listen to girls advice, because...they are probably just trying to be nice to you and not give you the truth. If they do try it, ask them out, see what happens, hint:watch the eyes.
Or, ask them about their boyfriend, notice how they probably say, "I love him and all, its just. . ."

There is a difference between being a nice guy, polite opening doors etc and being a wet blanket pushover, my suspician is that you play up the nice guy stuff and look completely alteristic but nobody really is and they see right through you,

BUT

your not a jerk you just get lumped into the same pile because your a little too fake.

I do need to go out into town more. It's just that I'm stuck on this base most of the time. I guess that if I go out there and just start asking for the number of every girl I meet, I'm bound to find the right one eventually, even though I'll get dissed most of the time, and will probably feel even worse than I do now.

aaaah! You're at some sort of military academy? There's an assumption about miliary types, that they're *not* after the nice girls - that all they're interested in is bedding as many girls as possible. Maybe when you're talking to a girl try saying something along the lines of 'I dunno, I think girls expect us to just be interested in one thing... so many guys will just tell a girl anything to get her into bed, it really screws things up for those of us who don't play those games. I guess I'll find a girl who knows I'm genuine eventually.' *and don't ask her out*. Ask her if she finds that's the case. Chat for a while, see if you have any interests in common - and if you don't, oh well, see who else you meet.

Oooooohhhh I know this exact feeling. "God, you are the best FRIEND I could ever ask for...but...it's just...I don't feel that way for you." Now, I have been told by stranger and friend alike I'm not that bad looking, but I really could not care less. I am the guy all the girls come to for advice or to tell me how sad they are, or how their piece of shisse relationship is working out for them, woopdido.

I have boiled it down to this. The nice guys get the girls AFTER they have been used and abused, because now they are already completly worn out. Thus...nice guys basically get left-overs. I am a 100% gentleman, a chivilric knight kind of person, but, if you want that girl, do not listen to girls advice, because...they are probably just trying to be nice to you and not give you the truth. If they do try it, ask them out, see what happens, hint:watch the eyes.
Or, ask them about their boyfriend, notice how they probably say, "I love him and all, its just. . ."

I'd say you've probably got the problem the poster above mentioned - that because you don't show any interest at first, you end up coming across as fake. A couple of times I've been friends with a guy, and only found out he would have liked to be more than friends when I've already met someone else.
There's nothing wrong with saying you're interested but *not* interested in being 'rebound guy'. Being friends with a girl and picking up the pieces of a bad relationship *with the intention* of later going out with her yourself is just creepy and is not going to work.

Look, it may seem that nice guys always finish last, that is how i feel, but also, nice guys know how to treat women, usually they cant figure that out so they stay in there stupin on and off relationships. I am waiting, i quit looking after someone said they would like to go out, but then the next fricken day i get " i am not ready for a committed relationship" deal, then come to find out she is still seeing a guy she has been for a while, waste of my damn time, i'll just become a hermit until someone notices me!

And ya, you ass hole jerks out there who think with you cocks :sniper: I hope you get what you deserve!

I know how you feel man... I'm not much to look at myself, and I got that alot when I actually tried for relationships... I gave up on them long ago, as they can only cause heart ache... I now consider myself an Anti-Sexual... heh..

Look, it may seem that nice guys always finish last, that is how i feel, but also, nice guys know how to treat women, usually they cant figure that out so they stay in there stupin on and off relationships. I am waiting, i quit looking after someone said they would like to go out, but then the next fricken day i get " i am not ready for a committed relationship" deal, then come to find out she is still seeing a guy she has been for a while, waste of my damn time, i'll just become a hermit until someone notices me!

And ya, you ass hole jerks out there who think with you cocks :sniper: I hope you get what you deserve!

being a hermit isn't really condusive to getting noticed...

We like 'em ... we just lust after nasty ones ... Alan Rickman ... corrrrrrrrrrrr!

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.

That is very true. If you want the girl, be a jerk. Girls always say they want nice guys, but they always end up with jerks.

Actions speak louder than words.
Ignore all the women that will make up excuses as to why the girls are with jerks instead of nice guys. I do not know why girls (and women, nothing changes as they get older) go after the jerks but they do.

around here all the girls go for the nice guys and since I'm one of those jerks I'm left out in the cold,

Can you tell me where that is. And how to get there lol

being a hermit isn't really condusive to getting noticed...

Yeah, i know, it probably wont help any, its just how i feel and probably a lot of other guys too.

It's not that women don't want "nice guys," it's that they will cough up an answer that they like a certain type of guy (when asked), an answer that is mostly a lie.

For example, women like "assertive, self confident" guys. Translation: alpha males, most often the loud jerk sorts, but not always.

Women like guys who "have a good sense of humor." Translation: a guy who ridicules or otherwise demeans the woman he's sleeping with and makes her feel like a young child.

Women like guys who are nice and "sensitive." Translation: sensitive to her every whimsical need and with the pocket book to buy it for her.

Generally, the problem is not that that women want a certain type of guy, its that they generally want something other than what they say they want. Not exactly a lie... or at least, a lot of women seem to honestly believe the lie... and yet then they wonder why they seem to date no one but assholes.

To be fair, it's not just women who have their heads up their asses. Most people do. Luckily I don't have to deal with about half in that regard.

*Sudden feeling of pity for bisexuals*

me thinks there might be a touch of truth here

Maybe you should try smiling in your pictures....Kiddin.
P.s, don't you ever be ashamed of just being friends with a girl. SOmetimes taht can be more fulfilling to have a safety net of casual fun instead of a high ride on a balancing beam.
Yeah that way theyll hate to break your heart and youll definatly get free poon nice plan that is what your saying right? :rolleyes:

Please is that a letterman i see and you say the girls arent crawling over each other to get you i heard the jacket pulls the chicccks and turns any girl into a tramp isnt it true say it isnt true. :rolleyes:

most girls are stupid sluts who cannot make rational decisions without their stupid emotions. ex. Women voting for George Bush because they thought he was cuter than Kerry and they wonder why it took so long to get the right to vote.

Your the kind of guy i would like to kick in the nuts!

Just a quick thought - maybe those of you who're whining that you're nice guys but can't get a girl aren't as nice as you think you are. I'd definitely put pretending to be a girl's friend in the hope of getting a relationship out of it into the jerk category.

Just a quick thought - maybe those of you who're whining that you're nice guys but can't get a girl aren't as nice as you think you are. I'd definitely put pretending to be a girl's friend in the hope of getting a relationship out of it into the jerk category.

Agreed, however sometimes you become friends with them, and then later on start getting attracted to them, then you start hating yourself and wondering why in the fuck that is so.

it hurts >_<

Agreed, however sometimes you become friends with them, and then later on start getting attracted to them, then you start hating yourself and wondering why in the fuck that is so.

it hurts >_<

It's the *intention* I have a problem with. I've almost always been friends with my boyfriends first.

Just a quick thought - maybe those of you who're whining that you're nice guys but can't get a girl aren't as nice as you think you are. I'd definitely put pretending to be a girl's friend in the hope of getting a relationship out of it into the jerk category.
I dont pretend to be their friend, as I believe that a friendship it a good foundation to a relationship. We get upset when women say they would rather be in a relationship with strangers then with us, people that actually know them and love them for who they are.

I dont pretend to be their friend, as I believe that a friendship it a good foundation to a relationship. We get upset when women say they would rather be in a relationship with strangers then with us, people that actually know them and love them for who they are.

Yeah, i agree, thing is though, all my gfs have been complete strangers, and each of them has lasted a fair while, so going out with strangers works for me, it just depends on the person.

Who needs a girlfriend?
I've got my computer.
*turns to computer* "Yeah, how you doing today? I'm gonna get you a new fan so you sound better, ok? That's my baby."
The fact that I'll never get a girlfriend doesn't bother me. I've got my computer, and that's good enough for me. No matter what happens, my computer's there for me. If my computer's being a bitch, and it dumps on me, I can just reboot in safe mode and format C:\. Can't do that with your damn girlfriend, now can you?

Who needs a girlfriend?
I've got my computer.
*turns to computer* "Yeah, how you doing today? I'm gonna get you a new fan so you sound better, ok? That's my baby."
The fact that I'll never get a girlfriend doesn't bother me. I've got my computer, and that's good enough for me. No matter what happens, my computer's there for me. If my computer's being a bitch, and it dumps on me, I can just reboot in safe mode and format C:\. Can't do that with your damn girlfriend, now can you?

Yeah, just say (if you're a brit) i'll go make a cuppa, then by the time thats done they forget what they wanted to say to you. hence new start :D

Who needs a girlfriend?
I've got my computer.
*turns to computer* "Yeah, how you doing today? I'm gonna get you a new fan so you sound better, ok? That's my baby."
The fact that I'll never get a girlfriend doesn't bother me. I've got my computer, and that's good enough for me. No matter what happens, my computer's there for me. If my computer's being a bitch, and it dumps on me, I can just reboot in safe mode and format C:\. Can't do that with your damn girlfriend, now can you?
lmao
"illegal operation"
"you cant break up with me! format c:\"
"illegal operation"
"thats it *snaps RAM*"

I can just reboot in safe mode and format C:\. Can't do that with your damn girlfriend, now can you?
I dunno, she might like being C:\ formatted.

Girls don't want anyone pathetic or too lovey-dovey despite what hollywood tells you! Guys that just want to hold my hand and stare lovingly at me usually last 5 minutes! Just hold a decent conversation with us and don't try to be all over us all the time - that's all we ask! You're not all bastards at all, in fact women can be really mean too! :eek:

Geez.
I dunno. They can get fairly pissed about that.
we can also do DelTree if things get really bad...

Geez.
I dunno. They can get fairly pissed about that.
we can also do DelTree if things get really bad...
me thinks im gonna break up with my file server, a 160gig disk just died :(

me thinks im gonna break up with my file server, a 160gig disk just died :(
I don't see why my baby needs 160 gigs. 60 works just fine...

I don't see why my baby needs 160 gigs. 60 works just fine...
Im going to stop this conversation before everyone finds out why I dont have a gf :)

Yeah, i agree, thing is though, all my gfs have been complete strangers, and each of them has lasted a fair while, so going out with strangers works for me, it just depends on the person.
yeah I have trust issues so I couldnt have a relationship with a stranger

Im going to stop this conversation before everyone finds out why I dont have a gf :)
Wild guess, 160 gigs of porn?
;)

Im going to stop this conversation before everyone finds out why I dont have a gf :)
I think the answer is obvious for why I don't have one.
I prefer my compy to humans.

Wild guess, 160 gigs of porn?
;)
Actually, It would have to be around 140 gigs.
Operating system, picture viewers, movie viewers, good p2p, etc.

Actually, It would have to be around 140 gigs.
Operating system, picture viewers, movie viewers, good p2p, etc.

BS, I only have 20 GB's and I manage to have all of those and plenty of room to spare.

Uh. Why am I here? lol

Hah, such vanity!

Actually, It would have to be around 140 gigs.
Operating system, picture viewers, movie viewers, good p2p, etc.
Nah man keep a lot of it rared.

BS, I only have 20 GB's and I manage to have all of those and plenty of room to spare.

Uh. Why am I here? lol
I said good.
As in really good.
You'd need backup players.
Plus all of the spyware you'd get...
And you'd also want all manner of cd burners.

I really got myself into this one huh

I said good.
As in really good.
You'd need backup players.
Plus all of the spyware you'd get...
And you'd also want all manner of cd burners.

Now thats just taking your illegitimate software and uh, audiovisual needs a bit too far ;)

Now thats just taking your illegitimate software and uh, audiovisual needs a bit too far ;)
Oh yeah.
And at least 3 anti-spyware programs.

guys, go back to the geek thread!

Tell me Ryan, are you gay?

Tell me Ryan, are you gay?
Unlikely since he is looking for a girlfriend....

Unlikely since he is looking for a girlfriend....

Ah, but is he?

Tell me Ryan, are you gay?
at this point he probably wishes he was

Ladies,
Theres no need to take personal shots here. I mean, sometimes nice guys win, sometimes they lose to the jerk.
I consider myself a nice guy, and I think if you're nice now, and lose out to the jerk, later your kindness will benefit you. I have proof, this girl, not gonna name her, but this girl and I kinda had something and suddenly there was this jackass in her life. But still, while she was with that guy I'd do kind things, within the realm of what is possible with a girl who is in a relationship; then next thing you know the jackass dumps her for another girl, and who's shoulder does she cry on? You can guess.
And maybe this is just an out lier but we had a good fling for awhile.

So it's more of patience. She'll grow up and realize you are a great guy. You will win in the end.

Sean O Mac, EricTheRed etc.
If you don't stop trolling, I will have to remove you from this forum.

Please leave this thread alone.

First off, here are some pictures of me:

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124201

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/attachment.php?postid=124202

Not bad, right?

Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice. I always get the same response, "Ryan, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I'm not good with relationships. I don't want to hurt you." Then they always go for the jerk, because they aren't afraid of hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.

The quote "Nice guys finish last" is absolutely true. It costs to be nice; pays to be mean. Just be sure you don't go to either of the extremes here--be too nice and you become a pussy, and get beat up, made fun of constantly, never get a girlfriend/boyfriend. Be too mean and you get beat up, made fun of constantly, get a girlfriend/boyfriend but can never keep one.

Just be assertive, not passive. You can be nice while still being firm. Women LOVE men with confidence in themselves, and it appears they do not see that in you.

You can be nice while still being firm. Women LOVE men with confidence in themselves.
Actually thats probably the most sensible bit of advice so far...

Nothing is wrong with porn!

Being a young female who is currently battling against dating three really nice guys, I am at the complete opposite end of the spectrum here. I'm pretty much the type of girl that you're talking about.

I avoid dating the nice guys because I don't want to hurt them, but I don't date 'bad boys' either, because I know I can do better. So I usually end up alone in the end.

From experience, I know there are more reasons to not date the nice guys just because I'm afraid of hurting them. I have a lot of emotional problems and I am currently battling with chronic depression and quite frankly, I don't have the time for a guy. I'm very busy with school, I have hours of homework every evening, I work straight every weekend, and I just don't have the mental capacity to be able to handle a relationship. The last thing I want to do is get into a relationship with a guy when all I do is continually ditch them for homework; they deserve more than that.

So before jumping to the conclusion that all younger females don't want to date the 'good guys' just because they're afraid of hurting them, maybe there are more reasons behind their decision.

I used to think that women wouldn't date me because I'm too nice. Then I looked at myself long and hard, and determined that I'm really not that nice at all, and that women still make no sense, regardless.

So before jumping to the conclusion that all younger females don't want to date the 'good guys' just because they're afraid of hurting them, maybe there are more reasons behind their decision.
Absolutely. A relationship is only going to work if both people are ready for it and want to put in the time and effort. People are complex things and being ready is going to be at different times for different people. Being ready one time doesn't mean you will the next, it all depends on whats going on in your whole life and theirs.

Women do not like nice guys
First off, here are some pictures of me:

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/att...p?postid=124201

http://www.golemlabs.com/forums/att...p?postid=124202

Not bad, right?

Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice. I always get the same response, "Ryan, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I'm not good with relationships. I don't want to hurt you." Then they always go for the jerk, because they aren't afraid of hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.


It's because your hideous and only prostitutes and transsexuals would date you. Now, go masturbate in your lonely sorrow,

It's because your hideous and only prostitutes and transsexuals would date you. Now, go masturbate in your lonely sorrow,

How do you know?

Nothing is wrong with porn!

Being a young female who is currently battling against dating three really nice guys, I am at the complete opposite end of the spectrum here. I'm pretty much the type of girl that you're talking about.

I avoid dating the nice guys because I don't want to hurt them, but I don't date 'bad boys' either, because I know I can do better. So I usually end up alone in the end.

From experience, I know there are more reasons to not date the nice guys just because I'm afraid of hurting them. I have a lot of emotional problems and I am currently battling with chronic depression and quite frankly, I don't have the time for a guy. I'm very busy with school, I have hours of homework every evening, I work straight every weekend, and I just don't have the mental capacity to be able to handle a relationship. The last thing I want to do is get into a relationship with a guy when all I do is continually ditch them for homework; they deserve more than that.

So before jumping to the conclusion that all younger females don't want to date the 'good guys' just because they're afraid of hurting them, maybe there are more reasons behind their decision.

Do not worry about hurting them. everyone in every relationship will get hurt at one point or another.
as for battling the chronic depression, which I have done, and am doing, haveing a good relationship with a nice person will help in that area. it helped me alot.

Just a quick thought - maybe those of you who're whining that you're nice guys but can't get a girl aren't as nice as you think you are. I'd definitely put pretending to be a girl's friend in the hope of getting a relationship out of it into the jerk category.

I hate people that do that. My best freind in high shcool aways had guys doing that to her. They would be her freind for a month or two. Then use some stupid line like, "freindship is the best place to start a relationship" those guys where jerks. they would never talk to her again after that.

And one time the guy was makeing her feel guilty by say that he was sad and depressed because of her. I beat the crap out of that guy.

I hate people that do that. My best freind in high shcool aways had guys doing that to her. They would be her freind for a month or two. Then use some stupid line like, "freindship is the best place to start a relationship" those guys where jerks. they would never talk to her again after that.

And one time the guy was makeing her feel guilty by say that he was sad and depressed because of her. I beat the crap out of that guy.

I've found that the less I'm actually interested in having a relationship with a girl, the more they're attracted to me. When I want nothing less than a girlfriend, I've got women beating down my doors. When I'm looking for a girlfriend, it's like I've got the bubonic plague or something. Anyone else have that issue?

I've found that the less I'm actually interested in having a relationship with a girl, the more they're attracted to me. When I want nothing less than a girlfriend, I've got women beating down my doors. When I'm looking for a girlfriend, it's like I've got the bubonic plague or something. Anyone else have that issue?Definately. The moment I decided I was fine and happy being single and stopped trying, women who wanted me were turning up left right and centre. People see "trying too hard" as something to be wary of. Answer? Be cool, be yourself and things will happen.

Well, I've been trying the cocky approach, and it seems to be working okay. It's not me, but hey, if it works, it works.

My problem with this is it always seems a nice guy like myself is comming in at "second place" as it were. You know, like "Well, I can't have him, I guess I'll have him instead."

I guess my major gripe is that nice guys are never chosen first. Hell, rarely second at that. a girl has to go through a few assholes before realizing "Oh yeah, Kyle, he's not a total douche"
nice guys finish last.... and their women thank them for it :p
Girls always say they want nice guys but they like the idea of not knowing where your dicks been-thats my understanding of it.

Girls always say they want nice guys but they like the idea of not knowing where your dicks been-thats my understanding of it.Somehow I doubt that.

I've found that the less I'm actually interested in having a relationship with a girl, the more they're attracted to me. When I want nothing less than a girlfriend, I've got women beating down my doors. When I'm looking for a girlfriend, it's like I've got the bubonic plague or something. Anyone else have that issue?
It's because humans in general want what they can't have.

the problem is that at this point we pretty much have little self esteem, sick of women treating us like shit, think that most women are... promiscuous, and they are after a successful guys money not for love, and we feel that we are being used, as the same girls that rejected us years before are now chasing us.

basically what im saying is all the nice guys that women go looking for after they are mature, have gone into hiding. Most can not have their cake and eat it too

note - at 21 im no longer looking for a relationship as all the girls I have been interested in have rejected me untill some jerk treats them dodgy, then they cry to me and ask me where all the guys that will treat them good are... at which point I get abit frustrated. I now dont feel I am mentally stable enough to have a relationship and I now have distanced myself from almost all my female friends to the point only few remain...... I wish I was gay

i hear you buddy
*screams out im a nice guy hello(all he hears are echos)

He speaks the truth (http://www.galaktek.com/cgi-bin/index?page=deffect1.html). It's called the Deacon Effect
powerful stuff its all true

:fluffle: this is what all guys want ..and nothing else

:fluffle: this is what all guys want ..and nothing elseYeah, most guys do, but at this point, I just want someone I can have a meaningful conversation with. I'm really lonely because I'm far away from home. If I were home I wouldn't feel like this, because everyone knows and loves me there.

I hate people that do that. My best freind in high shcool aways had guys doing that to her. They would be her freind for a month or two. Then use some stupid line like, "freindship is the best place to start a relationship" those guys where jerks. they would never talk to her again after that.

And one time the guy was makeing her feel guilty by say that he was sad and depressed because of her. I beat the crap out of that guy.
A month isnt a friendship. These guys are the jerks that we are talking about, she is just another chick that fell for the jerks.

Anyway, I cannot form a relationship with any non-slutty girls, because I'm too nice. I always get the same response, "Ryan, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I'm not good with relationships. I don't want to hurt you." Then they always go for the jerk, because they aren't afraid of hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, don't be a nice guy, because it will get you nowhere with women.
pure BS. any guy who claims girls don't like nice guys is either hanging around stupid, worthless girls (probably because they are only willing to date uber-hot girls, and are ignoring all the less-than-perfect-10s) or is simply making up excuses for why they get shot down when they ask out the tiny subset of women they are interested in.

don't get me wrong, women are nuts. i think they are gorgeous, they always smell so damn good, and they have bouncy bits that turn me into a raving idiot. but they also tend to be so much more high maintenance than men that it's not worth it, and they tend to fall for who they think they can shape you into (as opposed to who you actually are or want to be). women are far more difficult to get along with, communicate with, and tolerate, especially if you want a woman with half a brain.

but to say they don't like nice guys is a pile of crap. women LOVE nice guys, they just have other standards as well. maybe you simply aren't their type...don't waste time trying to claim that women hate nice guys just because you personally can't get the particular girls that you decide you want.

pure BS. any guy who claims girls don't like nice guys is either hanging around stupid, worthless girls (probably because they are only willing to date uber-hot girls, and are ignoring all the less-than-perfect-10s) or is simply making up excuses for why they get shot down when they ask out the tiny subset of women they are interested in.

don't get me wrong, women are nuts. i think they are gorgeous, they always smell so damn good, and they have bouncy bits that turn me into a raving idiot. but they also tend to be so much more high maintenance than men that it's not worth it, and they tend to fall for who they think they can shape you into (as opposed to who you actually are or want to be). women are far more difficult to get along with, communicate with, and tolerate, especially if you want a woman with half a brain.

but to say they don't like nice guys is a pile of crap. women LOVE nice guys, they just have other standards as well. maybe you simply aren't their type...don't waste time trying to claim that women hate nice guys just because you personally can't get the particular girls that you decide you want.

I don't know... where would I fall into things, with my evil-overlord fetish? I honestly can't muster much enthusiasm for a guy who isn't evil. Although... that's evil in general, without discrimination (not a jerk to me but not to others), and it's the classical type of evil (wouldn't cheat because that would cause more problems than rewards).

I don't know for certain, but I don't think I like nice guys... because most 'nice guys' seem to think that agreeing with me and giving in to everything I want (and hence seething in silence through having to coddle me) is 'nice'. I need a guy who'll tell me to snap out of it if I'm being a pain, and tell me straight if they don't want to see me on a certain day.

Then again, I'm still in my teens... Plus, so far my attraction to those who are evil hasn't worked out too well. I need to further hone my ability to pick out the actual jerks from those who are actually evil...

Ryan, you are too young to be worried about having a relationship.

I spent my high school career and part of college being the 'nice' guy. Then, one day, a friend woke me up. Now, I didn't become a 'bad' guy, but I did get some sense knocked into my head. Reach into yours now and make some room;

Your job, at your current age, is to sample as much out of life as you can. That includes women.

Having a gf will be an experience, but one you have your whole life to have. For now it can only hold you up from travel, time with friends, STUDY (crap!), and trying new things.

Now, when I say 'sample' women I don't necessarily mean become a womanizing pig (though they are not necessarily bad). I mean date alot. Flirt alot. Talk alot. Just don't cross the threshold to gf or even friend.

There are some amazing women out there. Meet a variety of them and give them all a chance. You just might be surprised what you find out about them. (and yourself!) Once you have had an opportunity to spend time with a variety of women you will be better prepared to know what you want as well as understand what they are looking for.

Often this is the part where a young man will ask 'how do I talk to new women?" I hate to sound simplistic - but it is easy. It is like anything else - very difficult the first few times but it gets easier the more you do it.

People miss tremendous opportunities every day for fear of hearing the word 'no'. Now, if people's heads exploded, penis fell off and ass caved it as a result of hearing that word I would understand. So far so good however. It really isn't near as bad as you fear and you will be amazed how receptive most women will be to sharing a dance, seat or drink with you.

Most often they are as nervous as you. Once you realize that you have the advantage. Most are also 'nice' and even if they are not interested in you they will still try to be considerate.

The big trap to avoid is talking about yourself. You already know about yourself. So shut up and ask her questions about herself. Avoid 'standards' like 'what school do you go to' or 'what's your major'. (barf) Avoid questions that are yes/no or one word answers. Ask questions like "how did you decided what to major in?" or "how do you feel about the town you moved from?". Make it a game for yourself and see how many questions you can ask about her before she asks one about you.

Another thing to learn - the fine art of compliments. For women compliments are like verbal tequila shots - they make you feel all warm inside and can give you a buzz. Of course, you have to do it right. It must, first and foremost, be sincere. It does not have to be creative or even original. A few nights ago I told a waitress that she had incredibly attractive eyes. It was not my intent to flirt and was made more as a statement of fact. She visibly glowed for the rest of the night. Dang it is fun to make people feel good!

Make another game with yourself to give at least one compliment a day to a woman. Any women, even your mom. Notice new hair, new clothes, shoes, etc. If you are flirting shoot for two compliments to the girl. Don't go over that or you become a suck up. :)

Now, invariably you will eventually hook up. make some rules to avoid being a jerk. Never lie. Never let a girl presume there is more to the relationship than there is. Never compromize on who you are. (which also means KNOW who you are!) Never be afraid to say 'no' (or 'yes'!) Use protection if things go that far. Never 'kiss and tell'. Always leave them on a good note and wanting more. (which is real hard because YOU will probably be wanting more too!

This is a long post, and I am sorry if I bored you, but I hope you have a great experience as a young man. It will lead to an even better experience as a mature one. Between the age of 18-25 you have the world by the balls. Goddam I am jealous!