NationStates Jolt Archive

The American Film Institute has been celebrating a century of American movies by doing a series of specials on the 100 greatest movies, greatest comedies, greatest villains and heroes, greatest songs, etc.

Their latest category is the 100 greatest lines of dialogue spoken in American movies. Of course, "Here's looking at you, kid," "I'll make him an offer he can't refuse," "Show me the money!," "I'll be back," "You can't handle the truth," "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," "What we've got here is a failure to communicate," and, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," as well as many others, are pretty memorable.

What is your most memorable movie line, from any movie, American or other?

FYI: The American Film Institute

http://www.afi.com/

We are knights who say NI! NI! NI!

and we want a bush

How long do you think it'll be before someone quotes a Monty Python film?

Bugger! A Monty Python fan got in before me!

How long do you think it'll be before someone quotes a Monty Python film?
:D

Robert Duvall as Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore:

I love the smell of Napalm in the morning. The smell, you know that gasoline smell. Smells like victory.

Chilling yet brilliant.

Currently because I'm doing a review on it:

"I'm taking this car to Invercargill! All the way! ahahahahahahahahahahha"


A point for someone outside of NZ who can tell me what movie that's from.

Currently because I'm doing a review on it:

"I'm taking this car to Invercargill! All the way! ahahahahahahahahahahha"


A point for someone outside of NZ who can tell me what movie that's from.
Bad taste?


edit. alright I cheated. Looks hilarious.

Nobody loves. Everybody hates you. Your gonna lose. Smile you fuck.

White Rabbit- [singing] I'm late / I'm late / For a very important date! / No time to say "Hello!" / Goodbye! / I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!

Alice in Wonderland (1951)

~~~~~~

Patrick Bateman: I'm into murders and executions!

Waiter: Would you like to hear today's specials?
Patrick Bateman: Not if you want to keep your spleen.

Patrick Bateman: Harold, you're my lawyer, so I think you should know... I've killed quite a few people.

American Psycho (2000)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

God: Allllllrighty then.

Bruce Almighty (2003)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marquis de Sade: You've already stolen my heart... as well as another more prominent organ, south of the Equator.

Marquis de Sade: Ah, you've come to read my trousers.

Quills (2000)

~~~~~~~~~

Stone: did you see him?
Dirkens: [looking at steel door that was ripped apart] That was no him... that was a fucking it.
Dirkens:[looks down at his .45] we need bigger guns... we need huge guns... we need Big Fucking Guns... STONE, we gotta Get BIG FUCKING GUNS!

Cheif: don't you have a fucking grenade laucher?
Stone: Couldn't get a permit for it sir.

Derkins: Your name is Harley... Harley Stone?
Stone: What's so great about Dick Dirkens.

Stone: You run 5 miles every morning, and have sex every night? Dirkens... that's sick.

~Split Second~
******
"I file this under 'H' for toy."

"Just contemplating the imortal words of Socrates who once said... "I drank... what!"

"Is this the dream where you are standing on a pyramid wearing the robes of a sun god and thousands of women are thowing little pickels at you?... why am I the only one to have that dream"

Here try this
[tasting it] What is it?
Dunno, found it in the chemestry lab

~Real Genus~

"What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!"

Bluto Blutarky in Animal House

'You can't fight in here, it's the war room!'

~Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death ~

Jim: Do you know what jungle herb cures the poisonous bite of the river snake? Do you know where the only land route is around the white waters of death? Do you know the way through the secret maze caves that lie underneath hangman's cliff? Huh, do you?
Margo Hunt: Well, no, I don't. Do you?
Jim: Well, no, but I have this paperback.

Frat Rat: This is gonna be a toga party and a beer bust, and for special girls like you, we are going to be having a wet T-shirt contest.
Bunny: But all my T-shirts are dry.

Dr. Margo Hunt: Dr. Kurtz, I'm unfamiliar with the academic guidelines at Radcliffe, but I would think any major university would consider warring on the United States and eating prisoners of war a serious breach of ethics.
Dr. Kurtz: Always the cautious scholar, huh, Dr. Hunt?

Margo Hunt: They're an ancient commune of feminists, so radical, so militant, so left of center they... they eat their men.
Bunny: Oh, that. Well, if I like a guy, I usually start at -
Margo Hunt: They don't eat their men like that, Bunny.

"We came to smash everything and ruin your life.
God sent us." Sonny Jim, Romper Stomper.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Police Official: Here is a most tragic case.
Dr. Carroll: Yes. I remember. Just a young boy... under the influence of drugs... who killed his entire family with an axe.

-Reefer Madness

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sol : This is insanity, Max.
Max: Or maybe it's genius

-Pi

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It's survival of the fittest, Max, and we've got the fucking gun."

-Pi

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tyrone : California, here we come.
Harry : It's Florida, Ty. Florida.
Tyrone : California, Florida, whatever. Either way, your pale ass is getting a tan.

-Requiem For A Dream
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I ran away from the circus"

-The Circus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shutz: Strange, and I thought you were an Aryan.
The Barber: No. I'm a vegetarian

-The Great Dictator

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Voice on Drug Film: Know your dope fiend. You will not be able to see his eyes because of tea shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from jacking off when he can't find a rape victim.

-Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
May not be a film, but:

Number 6: I will not make any deals with you. I've resigned. I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My life is my own. I resign.

-The Prisoner

Yay for Fear and Loathing

"Jesus Christ... did I say that out loud?"

Most memorable, and worst:

"Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed."

blacklisted Woody Allen at the end of "The Front" to the House Unamerican Activities Committee:

"As far as I'm concerned you guys can all go fuck yourselves"

Two of the best Monty Python quotes:

"At least I don't work for Jews"

"We build a bridge out of her"

'You can't fight in here, it's the war room!'

One of my favourite movies! Pretty much anything from Dr. Strangelove or the basic training scene in Full Metal Jacket.

"Only steers and queers come from Texas. You don't look like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down."

"WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, NUMNUTS?"

Yay for movie quotes!!!

"You're wet..."
"Yes, it's raining."

"I wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner. Bye..."

"Give me the bat, Wendy!"

"I am Jack's raging bile duct."

"You know those posters that say, 'Today is the first day of the rest of your life'? That's true about every day... except one... the day you die."

And the most annoyingly memorable quote...

"I'm the king of the world! Woohooo!"

"Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop-heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow."

Parking Attendent: You can't park your car here.
Raoul Duke: Why not? Is this not a reasonable place to park?
Parking Attendent: Park? You're on the middle of the sidewalk.

"you have to give the man 2 dollars, or else he won't let you inside. But when you get to the turningstalls, everything starts to go wrong"

"Welease Wodger!"

pfffff.... ROFL

"Thewe is no Wodger!"

pfffff.... ROFL

"Thewe is no Wodger!"

"What about Woderick then?!"

"You thought, 'Oh here's a loser, a deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about!'"

"Aren't you?"

"Well yeah, but my point is..."


and the next...

"You want a toe? I can get you a toe. Believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't want to know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon. With nail polish."


and not to mention


"There's just one thing, Dude..."

"What's that?"

"Do you have to use so many cuss words?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Kudos to the Coen brothers me thinks :D

"You set your priorities straight and that's what life is. I wonder if your friend Alex knew that, one thing's for sure, he couldn't handle it. I know I shouldn't talk about him, you guys knew him. It's just that... no one ever said it would be fun, at least... no one ever said it to me." - Richard on Alex's suicide

The Big Chill

Pulp Fiction had some pretty memorable lines:

Vincent: And you know what they call a... a... a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?
Jules: They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese?
Vincent: No man, they got the metric system. They wouldn't know what the fuck a Quarter Pounder is.
Jules: Then what do they call it?
Vincent: They call it a "Royale" with cheese.
Jules: A "Royale" with cheese. What do they call a Big Mac?
Vincent: Well, a Big Mac's a Big Mac, but they call it "le Big-Mac".
Jules: "Le Big-Mac". Ha ha ha ha. What do they call a Whopper?
Vincent: I dunno, I didn't go into Burger King.

Also,

Jules: Normally, both your asses would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kill you, I wanna help you. But I can't give you this case, it don't belong to me. Besides, I've already been through too much shit this morning over this case to hand it over to your dumb ass.

And of course,

Jules: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Movie #1:
"I know what you're thinking: "Did he fire six shots, or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But, being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya punk?"

Movie #2:
"Herrreeeeee's Johnny!!"

Movie #3:
Cousin Vicki: I'm going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey Griswold: So, everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.

Motorcycle Cop: Ya know, if I wasn't in uniform, I'd split your skull with the butt of this revolver, faster than you could say "police brutality."

Movie #4:
"Alright you primitive screw-heads, listen up. See this? This is my boomstick! It's a 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan; retails for about one hundred nine, ninety-five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right, shop smart, shop S-Mart!"

"Hail to the king, baby"

"I got news for you, pal. You ain't leading but two things right now: Jack and Sh**. And, Jack left town"

"You found me beautiful once"
"Honey, you got real ugly"

"Come get some"

"Groovy"

Movie #6:
"Is it being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost? Isn't that what makes a man?"
"Sure, that and a pair of testicles"

Movie #7+ #8:
"Attention, whoever you are, this channel is reserved for emergency calls only"
"No fucking shit lady. Do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza?"

"Yippy-ki-yay mother-fucker"

"Colonel Stuart, can we have a few words, please?"
"You can have two: "Fuck" and "you."

I guess im out.... cuz I had sex last night..... With a girl!
Road Trip

Here's a great site that has sound bites from one of the funniest scenes in any movie, ever:
http://www.geocities.com/aaronbcaldwell/Full.html
Here's most of it:
"If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?"
"Sir! Yes, sir"

"What's your name, scumbag?"
"Sir, Private Brown, sir"
"Bullshit. From now on your name is Private Snowball. Do you like your new name?"
"Sir, yes, sir"
"Well I'll tell you one thing you won't like, Private Snowball: they don't serve fried chicken and watermelon on a daily basis in my mess hall"

"Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?"
"Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit, twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy fucking godmother said it. Out-fucking-standing. I will PT you all until you fucking die. I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk"
"Was it you, you scroungy little fuck, huh?"
"Sir,no sir"
"You little piece of shit you look like a fucking worm, I bet it was you"
"How tall are you, private?"
"Sir, five-foot-nine, sir!"
"Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high. You trying to squeeze an inch on me somewhere, huh?"
"Sir, No Sir."
"Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress. I think you've been cheated. Where the hell you from anyway private?"
"Sir, Texas, Sir."
"Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas Private Cowboy and you don't look much like a steer so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?"
"Sir, No Sir."
"Are you a Peter Puffer?"
"Sir, No Sir."
"I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the god damned common courtesy to give him a reach around. I'll be watching you.":

"Hell I like you, you can come over to my house and fuck my sister.[hits Private Joker] "You little scumbag. I got your name, I got your ass. You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers I will teach you. Now get up, get on your feet.You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck"

"Did your parents have any children that lived?"
"Sir, yes, sir!"
"I'll bet they regret that.You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece"

"I'm gonna give you three seconds--exactly three fucking seconds--to wipe that stupid lookin' grin off your face, or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull fuck you!"

"Private Pyle, you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up"

"Were you born a fat, slimy scumbag, puke, piece of shit or did you have to work on it?"

BTW, most of the scene above was ad-libbed by Emery. There was only two parts of the scene written - the bit where he punches Joker and chokes Pyle.

Filming was so difficult that when Kubrick asked his actors for volunteers to die early, nearly everyone raised their hand. Unfortunately, this meant spending the next few weeks lying in freezing cold England mud during filming.




"What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?"

"Pyle, you climb obstacles like old people fuck"

"You think we waste Gooks for "freedom"? This is a slaughter. If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is poontang"

"Anyone who runs is V.C. Anyone who stands still is well-disciplined V.C."

"Hard core man, fucking hard core"

Loved 12 Monkeys, especially Brad Pitts' mentally unbalanced character, Jeffrey Goines

Jeffrey Goines: You know what crazy is? Crazy is majority rules. Take germs for example.
James Cole: Germs?
Jeffrey Goines: Uh-huh. Eighteenth century, no such thing, nada, nothing. No one ever imagined such a thing. No sane person. Along comes this doctor, uh, Semmelweis, Semmelweis. Semmelweis comes along. He's trying to convince people, other doctors mainly, that's there's these teeny tiny invisible bad things called germs that get into your body and make you sick. He's trying to get doctors to wash their hands. What is this guy? Crazy? Teeny, tiny, invisible? What do they call it? Uh-uh, germs? Huh? What? Now, up to the 20th century, last week, as a matter of fact, before I got dragged into this hellhole. I go in to order a burger at this fast food joint, and the guy drops it on the floor. James, he picks it up, he wipes it off, he hands it to me like it's all OK. "What about the germs?" I say. He says, "I don't believe in germs. Germs is a plot made up so they could sell disinfectants and soaps." Now he's crazy, right?

***

Jeffrey Goines: Telephone call? Telephone call? That's communication with the outside world. Doctor's *discretion*. Nuh-uh. Look, hey - all of these nuts could just make phone calls, they could spread insanity, oozing through telephone cables, oozing into the ears of all these poor sane people, infecting them. Wackos everywhere, plague of madness.

***

Jeffrey Goines: There's the television. It's all right there - all right there. Look, listen, kneel, pray. Commercials! We're not productive anymore. We don't make things anymore. It's all automated. What are we *for* then? We're consumers, Jim. Yeah. Okay, okay. Buy a lot of stuff, you're a good citizen. But if you don't buy a lot of stuff, if you don't, what are you then, I ask you? What? Mentally *ill*. Fact, Jim, fact - if you don't buy things - toilet paper, new cars, computerized yo-yos, electrically-operated sexual devices, servo systems with brain-implanted headphones, screwdrivers with miniature built-in radar devices, voice-activated computers...

Gotta love the Exorcist:

"Your mother sucks c***s in hell, Karras"

Boondock Saints is teh awesome :p

Rocco: They can suck my pathetic little dick, and I'll dip my nuts in marinara sauce just so those fat bastards can get a taste of home while they're at it.

Rocco: Shut your fat ass, Rayvie! I can't even go to the store to get a pack of smokes without runnin' into nine guys you've fucked.

(warning: a bit of cursing in this one ;))
Rocco: Fucking... What the fuck. Who the fuck fucked this fucking... How did you two fucking fucks... FUCK.
Connor: Well, that certainly illustrates the diversity of the word.

Connor: Now you will receive us.
Murphy: We do not ask for your poor, or your hungry.
Connor: We do not want your tired and sick.
Murphy: It is your corrupt we claim.
Connor: It is your evil that will be sought by us.
Murphy: With every breath, we shall hunt them down.
Connor: Each day we will spill their blood, 'til it rains down from the skies.
Murphy: Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace.
Connor: These are not polite suggestions, these are codes of behavior, and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost.
Murphy: There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth, not to push the bounds and cross over, in to true corruption, into our domain.
Connor: For if you do, one day you will look behind you and you will see we three, and on that day you will reap it.
Murphy: And we will send you to whatever god you wish.
(that ending scene is so awesome :p)

Connor, Murphy: And shepherds we shall be, for thee my Lord for thee, Power hath descended forth from thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out thy command, we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine patris, et filii...
Connor, Murphy: ...et spiritus sancti.

And of course, everyone's favorite charecter, Doc :p

Doc: You know what they say: People in glass houses sink sh... sh... sh... ships.
Rocco: I got to buy you a proverb book or something, because this mix 'n' match shit's got to go.
Doc: What?
Connor: Well, a penny saved is worth two in the bush, is'nt it?
Murphy: And don't cross the road if you can't get out of the kitchen.
Doc: Why don't you make like a tree, and get the fuck outta here?

I truly love BDS. Brilliant movie.

You forgot the discussion about the rope. And the fight in the vent.

I am also shocked no Mel Brooks has shown up

"Evil will always win because Good is dumb"

"Where all the white women at?"

"We'll take the niggers and the chinks, but we don't want no Irish."

I'm Tired

"The slave must wait while the master baits"

"Oh, master Robin, you've lost your arms in battle! But you've grown a nice set of boobs."

"Pissed off? If I was that close to a horse's weiner, I'd be worried about getting pissed on."

...and so many more

"I'm just a sweet transvestite from transsexual transylvaaniaaaa."

- Rocky Horror

"What is this? A center for ANTS!"

"How many abodiginals do you see modeling?"

"Or did you not think I knew what a eugoogly was? Eugooglizer: one who speaks at funerals."

Ballstein: When you fall off the horse...
Derek: *thinks*
Ballstein:...you get back on.
Derek: Sorry, Maury, I'm not a gymnast.

Matilda: So...I became bulimic.
*pause*
Derek: You can read minds???

-Zoolander

"SO WHAT HAVE THE ROMANS EVER DONE FOR US?"
"The aquaduct?"
- Life of Brian

"TOGA TOGA TOGA!"
-Animal House

I'll think up s'more later...

Jet Girl:
This tank it-it-it-it-it isn't . . .
Tank Girl:
Isn't? Isn't?
Jet Girl:
Isn't . . .
Tank Girl:
What?! Come on, just one little adjective and we'll have a whole sentence here. The tank isn't . . . glad? Sad? Mad? Lonely?
Jet Girl:
It-it isn't operational.

Ten quatloos to whoever can guess the movies these come from.

"What is your major malfunction, private!?"

"Nobody fucks with the Jesus."

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

"A beam of energy can always be diverted. Are we there yet, mommy?"
It's 200 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses." "Hit it."

"One shall stand, one shall fall."

"Come on, you apes, you wanna live forever!?"

"You remind me of the babe." "What babe?" "the babe with the power." "What power?" "The power of voodoo." "Who do?" "You do!" " Do what?" "Remind me of the babe."

"But the shopkeeper and his son, a different story altogether...I had to beat them to death with their own shoes..."

"It's all in the mind!"

"Anyone else want to negotiate?"

Almost forgot...
"My God, it's full of stars!"

Ten quatloos to whoever can guess the movies these come from.

No prob

"What is your major malfunction, private!?"- Full Metal Jacket

"Nobody fucks with the Jesus."- Big Lebowski

"I've got a bad feeling about this."- Return of the Jedi

"A beam of energy can always be diverted. Are we there yet, mommy?"- hmmm Lost in Space?

It's 200 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses." "Hit it."- dude, come on Blues Brothers

"One shall stand, one shall fall."- are you on crack? Like 100 people don't know this is from the Transformers movie

"Come on, you apes, you wanna live forever!?"- Starship Troopers

"You remind me of the babe." "What babe?" "the babe with the power." "What power?" "The power of voodoo." "Who do?" "You do!" " Do what?" "Remind me of the babe."- damn, no idea

"But the shopkeeper and his son, a different story altogether...I had to beat them to death with their own shoes..."-Wayne's World 2

"It's all in the mind!"- hmmmm no clue

"Anyone else want to negotiate?"- 5 Element

"Come on, you apes, you wanna live forever!?"- Starship Troopers

That was the WORST adaptation of book to movie EVER.

Definitely the FMJ
"Hell I like you, you can come over to my house and f*ck my sister"
Who the f*ck said that? Who's
the slimy little communist shit twinkle-toed
cocksucker down here, who just signed his
own death warrant?


Also from another movie:
"The beginning and the end meet in the same place."

That was the WORST adaptation of book to movie EVER.
But it was still fun to watch.

"Thief. You may have killed your wife and daughter - okay, I'll give you that - but it was me who knocked off the three girls. What are you doing stealing my murders? What kind of a fucking friend do you think you are?"


"Yes friends, act now, destroy Unicron. Kill the Grand Poobah. Eliminate even the toughest stain."


Willie: I heard you screamin' from all the way over there, and...
Leonard: I wasn't screamin', all right?
Willie: But I heard you...
Leonard: I wasn't screamin'! I was whistling!
Willie: You was whistling "Willie, help get this bitch off of me"?
Leonard: Yeah!


"These, Tom, are the Causeheads. They find a world-threatening issue and stick with it for about a week. "


God: And tell the Pope to stop talking about me, he dosen't know me and tell him that his hat looks fucking stupid.


Eleanor “Mama” Washington: I wanna buy a gun
Clerk: Yes Ma’am, got this here ladies gun
Eleanor “Mama” Washington: A ladies gun!?
Clerk: It’s small ma’am and easy to carry
Eleanor “Mama” Washington: Well that’s real nice dear, but I’m more interested in something that will take the head off a honky at 20 paces


Guy: What's your name?
Cleo: *Like an old lady calling for her cat* Cleeeeeeeooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

But it was still fun to watch.
In a MST3K sorta way yeah. Have you seen ST2? It's literally painful to watch.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!

"Now, offer me money."
"Yes!"
"Power too. Promise me that."
"All that I have and more. Please..."
"Offer me everything I ask for."
"Anything you want. "
"I want my father back, you son of bitch!"

We are knights who say NI! NI! NI!

and we want a bush

ahem, shrubbery, not bush
we don't like Bush around here...

ahem, shrubbery, not bush
we don't like Bush around here...
Speak for yourself. Most guys actually do like bush. Some women too.

That line from the intelligence officer in Apocalypse Now, that one that involves the phrase "extreme prejudice" yeah, that line is the best.

"I kill you in the name of his Divine Shadow" - The asassins of the Divine Order

"The Giga-Shadow is the end, and it is the beginning. It is a time of pain and of rejoicing. First will come the cleansing, then will come the rebirth. The Giga-Shadow is the end, and it is the beginning. The Giga-Shadow is the end, and it is the beginning. The Giga-Shadow is the end....." - His Divine Shadow

"I've killed mothers with their babies; I have killed great philosophers, proud young warriors and revolutionaries. I've killed the evil, the good, the intelligent, the weak, and the beautiful. I have done this in the service of His Divine Shadow and his predecessors, and I have never once shown any mercy." - Kai, Divine Asassin of the Divine Order

Lexx

"You remind me of the babe." "What babe?" "the babe with the power." "What power?" "The power of voodoo." "Who do?" "You do!" " Do what?" "Remind me of the babe."


Labirynth. That sequence makes me shudder. No one should wear pants as tight as David Bowie does there.

"Your motharrrr was a hamste-er, and you father smmmmeltt of eldahhberry!"

"What... is your name?
King Arthur.
What... is your quest?
I seek the Holy Grail.
What.... is the inflight velocity of a swallow?
<thinks>
What kind of swallow, African or European?
I don't know that ARGH!!!!"

"What a strange person."

"Then, Sir Lancelot, Galahad, and I jump out of the rabbit!
Say that part again...
Sir Lancelot, Galahad, and I... oh, I see. Dammit."

"Shit." - Neo

The Matrix: Revolutions

"I came here because I wanted to meet people of a beautiful and ancient culture. And then kill them."
-Pvt. Joker, Full Metal Jacket

"Shit." - Neo

The Matrix: Revolutions
That's a word not a quote. Or am I wrong? Should I start putting quotation marks around the word shit when I type it? Should I mark little quotation marks in the air when I say it?

Oh shit I forgot the quotation marks! Shit, there I go....... Shit! Ah, shit there I go again.....Shit! Fine, the heck with this: SHIT SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! There you happy now?!? Huh, are you? :mad:

"I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now let's see how you handle it!"
"Ludicrous Speed!"
"May the Schwartz be with youuuuuououuuouuuu..."
--------------
"This is my rifle, this is my gun!" *repeated by recruits [they grab their rifles when they say "rifle" and their crotch when they say "gun"]*
"...This is for fighting, this is for fun!"*same as above*
--------------
"Get out of the chopper if you want to live!"

Hey, it was funny in the movie.

Fear and Loathing:

"we can't stay here - its bat country"

Stargate:

"taste like chicken"

"Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop-heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow."

Parking Attendent: You can't park your car here.
Raoul Duke: Why not? Is this not a reasonable place to park?
Parking Attendent: Park? You're on the middle of the sidewalk.


Fear and loathing - if im not mistaken?

I've not seen the AFI list and I'm trying to leave out the obvious (such as, I coulda been a contender), but here is my shot:

Psycho: We all go a little crazy sometimes

Dr. Strangelove: 1) Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the war room. 2) Shoot, fellah could have a good time in Vegas with all this

The Blues Brothers: We've got 1/2 a tank of gas, 1/2 a pack of cigarrettes, its dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.

Apocalypse Now: I love the smell of Napalm in the morning

A Few Good Men: You want the truth! You can't handle the truth!

When Harry Met Sally: I'll have what she's having

Scarface: Say hello to my little friend

The Exorcist: 1) The sow is mine 2) You're not my mother! 3) You're going to die up there

Heavy Metal (Den): Then you die, she dies, everyone dies.

Young Frankenstien: 1) What knockers 2) He would have an enormous "scholmschturker" (sp?)

2001: A Space Oddessy: I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that

Bonnie and Clyde: I'm Bonnie Parker and this here is Clyde Barrow; we rob banks

Clockwork Orange: 1) Viddie well little brother, viddie well 2) Come and get one in the yarbels, if you have any yarbels

The Shining: Heeerrees Johnny!

Monty Python & The Holy Grail: 1) Welcome to the Castle Anthrax (The Castle what?) Its not a very good name. 2) Come and see the violence inherent in the system 3) If I went 'round saying I was emporer because some watery tart lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away.

Frankenstien: He's alive, Alive!!!

Weird Science: Wyatt, there are killer mutants in your house

Cheech & Chong: Yeah man, my dog ate my stash and I had to follow him around with a baggie for three days

"This is my BOOMSTICK!!!!!!!" -Ash Army of Darkness

Casino: "he was kid from the casino, nice kid, what fucking balls on the kid the next morning i fired him."

"I am seriously doubting your committment to Sparkle Motion!"

"This is my BOOMSTICK!!!!!!!" -Ash Army of Darkness
Love it.


"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist"
Perfectly placed at the ending of The Usual Suspects


"Well there's this passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you." I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never gave much thought what it meant. I just thought it was some cold-blooded shit to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass. I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. See now I'm thinkin', maybe it means you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9 Milimeter here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. Now I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd."

Best...Monologue...Ever

"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse," "I'll be back," "Luke, I'm your father," "You can't handle the truth,"

those four come to mind instantly but also "Shaken, not stirred" as well as what Xenia Onatopp says in Goldeneye when asked how she likes her martini.

Bond: "Vodka Martini, shaken not stirred."
Xenia: "The same."
Bond: "How do you take it?"
Xenia: "Straight up...with a twist..."

from O Brother, Where Art Thou

Tommy Johnson: I had to be up at that there crossroads last midnight, to sell my soul to the devil.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well, ain't it a small world, spiritually speaking. Pete and Delmar just been baptized and saved. I guess I'm the only one that remains unaffiliated.

**************************
from The Crow

Eric Draven:: Victims, aren't we all.

**************************
from The Devil's Advocate

John Milton: Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow. Ahaha. And while you're jumpin' from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughin' His sick, fuckin' ass off. He's a tight-ass. He's a sadist. He's an absentee landlord. Worship that? Never.

from The Devil's Advocate

John Milton: Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow. Ahaha. And while you're jumpin' from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughin' His sick, fuckin' ass off. He's a tight-ass. He's a sadist. He's an absentee landlord. Worship that? Never.

good movie

anybody want a peanut?

"What is reality? If reality is anything that you can see, hear, feel, smell or taste. Then reality is simply electrical pulses in your brain."

Morepheus from 'The Matrix' when he was with Neo in the Construct for the first time

Not an exact quote, feel free to make any corrections.

I don't need you anymore! All my life you've made me believe I was only worth what someone would pay for me! But Christian loves me Harold, he loves me, and that is worth everything.

feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly?

Correction from my previous post.

Morepheus:

What is real? If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then 'real' is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.

In a MST3K sorta way yeah. Have you seen ST2? It's literally painful to watch.

Yeah, but Starship Troopers is a mindless blast of a movie. It's fun...bottom line.

bill, it's your baby

calm yourself,iago

King Tito: [after Jump and Test-Tube have "paid" for a shipment of cocaine with a suitcase full of... tampons!] What the fuck is this!
Jump: [pulling a pair of semi-autos from his jacket] They're for the bullet holes, bitch! [He blows Tito away]
-----------------------------------------
Frank White: From now on, nothing goes down unless I'm involved. No blackjack no dope deals, no nothing. A nickel bag gets sold in the park, I want in. You guys got fat while everybody starved on the street. Now it's my turn.

Coutesy of: King of NewYork(1990)
Frank White-Christopher Walken
Jimmy Jump-Lawrence Fishburn
Test Tube-Steve Buscemi

Riiiight.....

Dr Evil

anybody want a peanut?
Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
If there are, we all be dead!
No more rhyming now, i mean it!
Anybody want a peanut?

i dunno if anyone said it, but rocky horror has some crazy ones, especially the lines people yell back.

I am also shocked no Mel Brooks has shown upYou missed my favorite from Blazing Saddles, "One move and the niger gets it." An absolute classic, I still laugh every time I think of it. Thanks for reminding me of it.


That was the WORST adaptation of book to movie EVER.Erg, how about the previous adaptation of Fear And Loathing In Los Vegas, Where The Buffalo Roam?

The Blues Brothers: We've got 1/2 a tank of gas, 1/2 a pack of cigarrettes, its dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it." It was unlikely they would have had half a tank of gas after all, they were just a short distance from the Ballroom when they stopped for gas and Elwood got a date.



And for my favorite movie quote: "Watch the tongue sweetheart, I've seen him lick his eyebrow clean."

I don't know if this has been done yet but...
"You were only meant to blow the bloody doors off!" Michael Caine

"They're young. They're in love. They kill people!"

Trailer to Bonnie and Clyde. I'm not joking, it would be so fitting if "OMGWTF!!!" was added right after that :p

Mike Lowrey: No you freeze bitch! Now back up, put the gun down and give me a pack of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious.

Marcus Burnett: and some Skittles.

from earlier in the scene:

Storekeeper: FREEZE MOTHER BITCHES!

The bit with the parrot from Dumb and Dumber.

"His head fell off!"

The bit with the parrot from Dumb and Dumber.

"His head fell off!"


ok, so now you can all laught at me and call me stupid, you know when he got his tongue stuck to the ski lift? i've done that. pulled back hard when it was stuck and ripped a few layers of skin off my tounge. coundn't eat anything hot or too cold for three weeks.... :(

I believe you have my stapler.

"Where's ya tool!"

Woody has great dialogue in his movies.

Annie Hall:

Alvy: There's an old joke. Uh, two elderly women are at a Catskills mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

***

Annie Hall: Sometimes I ask myself how I'd stand up under torture.
Alvy Singer: You? You kiddin'? If the Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em everything.

***

Alvy Singer: Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.

***

[In California.]
Annie: It's so clean out here!
Alvy: That's because they don't throw their garbage away, they turn it into television shows.

***

Alvy Singer: They did not take me in the Army. I was, um, interestingly enough, I was, I was 4-P. Yes. In the, in the event of war, I'm a hostage.

***

Alvy Singer: I though of that old joke, y'know, the, this, this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" And the guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much how I feel about relationships. Y'know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd and, but, uh, I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs.

"Excellent" Followed by air-guitar.
Either B&T movie

"I can't swiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim"
Butch cassidy and the sundance kid.

"They've brought a cave troll" It's not the words, it's the tone of voice that makes me crack up. It's the whats next.

From "Clue":

Colonel Mustard: How many husbands have you had?
Mrs. White: Mine or other women's?
CM: Yours.
MW: Five.
CM: Five?
MW: Five. I believe husbands should be like tissues - soft, strong, and disposable.

- From Dusk 'Till Dawn:
"Low Profile. Do you know the meaning of low profile?"
while a gaz station blows up behind the two thiefs.

The whole pussy monologue from Cheech is also hilarious.

- O brother where art thou?
Pete:"Wait a minute, who elected you leader in this outfit?"
Everett:"Well, Pete, I thought it was my capacity for abstract thought."

Everett:"Why did you tell our daughters I was hit by a train?"
Becky:"It's a good way to die. Lots of good respectable people got hit by a train."

- Rocky Horror Picture show
Frank:"I can be quite generous"
Maid:"I want nothing!"
Frank:"And you shall recieve it in abundance"

Carol the waitress, this is Simon the fag.

Hody, partner... birdy num-num... num-num...

... this is not an ordinary rabbit...

"Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right."

Everything you Always Wanted to Know about Sex, but were Afraid to Ask

"Why are you asking me this question?"

"Look at my knees!"

"Sure just cut it up like regular chicken!"

Eraserhead

A very cool one, although said by a a girl it was still pretty cool at the end of terminator-

"you're terminated fucker!"

Oh and anchorman!

"Hey, maybe dont wear a bra next time. No i was talking to you, i dont know her name. What is it? Lanalyn? La-Lanalyn? Like sheeps wool?"

"I tried to get an interview but was told that he is a live bear and will literally rip your face off."

"I know what you're thinking and yes, i have a nickname for my penis. I call it the octagon"

"Well we're both mature adults, we've both seen our fair share of pornographic materials... oh you havent sister margaret im sorry i was just generalising"

OK you have to have seen it to get it but when Ron says...

"SUPER DUPER! THATS NICE! NEATO GUYS!"

"Hey where did you get those clothes? the, toilet store?"

And someone must have mentioned airplane:

"Stop calling me shirley"

HAHHAHAHAHA!

"Have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

HAHAHHAHA!

Oh and one of my personal favourites is from videodrome-

"Long live the new flesh"

I could probably think of a lot more but hey

"The only way she's coming back to you is if a blast of semen propels her out the window and across the street."

Bananas

"They named it San Diago, which of course in German means a Whales Vagina"
Anchorman again

"Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinkin' badges!"

John Huston's The Treasure of the Sierra Madre

(often misquoted as: "Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!")

From "Clue":

Colonel Mustard: How many husbands have you had?
Mrs. White: Mine or other women's?
CM: Yours.
MW: Five.
CM: Five?
MW: Five. I believe husbands should be like tissues - soft, strong, and disposable.

ooh, don't forget at the end of Clue: "I'm going home to sleep with my wife!"

"Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinkin' badges!"

John Huston's The Treasure of the Sierra Madre

(often misquoted as: "Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!")

And the UHF version:

"Badgers? BADGERS!? We don' need no steeking badgers!"

Robin Williams in "Good Morning Vietnam"

"You're in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history."

There are a few that I like.

Here's an excerpt from a conversation between Violet (aka Jersey) and Lil in "Coyote Ugly:"

Lil: That's Rachel; you can learn a lot from her.
Violet: She just cut some guy's pony tail off.
Lil: Yeah. The court ordered her to take anger management classes after she pummeled a customer for grabbing her @$$. He pressed charges, I gave her a raise.

So, you deck a customer and you make more money? WTF?

Here's one from "Bruce Almighty" that I have been thinking about and how it might be construed as supporting the argument against fate.

God: You have all my powers; use them any way you like. There are only 2 rules: First, you can't tell anyone you're God. Believe me, you don't want that kind of attention. Second, you can't influence free will.

Now if that bolded part doesn't support the argument against fate, I don't know what does. And in general, Bruce Almighty is a good movie, but it presents some journalism taboos. But, that's for another time, another thread.

Robin Williams in "Good Morning Vietnam"

"You're in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history."
Thank you, I'd entirely forgotten that line.

From Ghost Busters, "Yes, it's true. This man has no dick."

"A duel to the death? Oh, I can't do anything 'To the Death'. Doctor's orders!"

Love and Death, Woody.

"Glass? Who give a shit about glass?!"

"Hey, I'm not the guy who just got butt-fucked on national TV"

"Yippie-kay-ay motherfucker"

Yes, all from Die Hard. Shit movie, funny quotes

I know it isn't a movie necessarily, but Babylon 5 has a few good ones, especially when heard in context... (forgive me if I remember anything inacurately)

"Only one human has ever survived aganst a Minbari warship. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you wish to live, be somewhere else."
-Ambassador Delenn

"Why don't they get off their encounter-suited butts and do something?"
-Captain John Sheridan

At Sheridan's Swearing-in ceremony as President of the Alliance:
G'Kar:"Put your hand on the book."
G'Kar:"Do you want to be President?"
Sheridan:"Yes"
G'Kar:"Good. Let's eat."

"I am become Grey. I stand between the darkness and the light, between the candle and the star."
-Delenn's Grey Council initiation

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.
Batty, Blade Runner

We're on an express elevator to hell - going down!
Hudson, Aliens

You're a hooker? Jesus, I forgot! I just thought I was doing GREAT with you!
Arthur, Arthur

But my favorite quotable movie is Apocalypse Now:
Chef: Why do all you guys sit on your helmets?
Soldier: So we don't get our balls blown off.

Kurtz: I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight... razor... and surviving.

Kilgore: If I say its safe to surf this beach Captain, then its safe to surf this beach. I mean I'm not afraid to surf this place, I'll surf this whole fucking place!

Kilgore: Charlie don't surf!

Kurtz: We train young men to drop fire on people. But their commanders won't allow them to write "fuck" on their airplanes because it's obscene!

Willard: Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted a mission, and for my sins, they gave me one. They brought it up to me like room service...It was a real choice mission - and when it was over, I never want another...

And the infamous, oft misquoted bit:
Kilgore: You smell that? Do you smell that?... Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for twelve hours. When it was all over I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like... victory. Someday this war's gonna end...

Satan: How come you always want to make love to me from behind? Is it because you want to pretend I'm somebody else?
Saddam Hussein: Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minelli?

South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut

"It's people. Soylent green is made out of people! They're making our food out of people."

Soylent Green


"Mmmmmm, people."

Homer Simpson

"Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honour; which is probably more than she ever did."

Groucho Marx (as Rufus T. Firefly) Duck Soup 1933

My favourite line from Die Hard (such a brilliant observation):

We're going to need some new FBI guys.

"Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honour; which is probably more than she ever did."

Groucho Marx (as Rufus T. Firefly) Duck Soup 1933

I think that's the one I saw, it wasn't that funny actually...Marx Bros had some much better ones :(

"You see my mule don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughing at him. Now if you apologize like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it."-Man with no name

"When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk!"-Tuco

"You see in this world there's two kinds of people my friend, those with loaded guns, and those who dig, you dig."-Blondey

-Just stop panicking!
-Who said anything about panicking? This is still just the culture shock. You wait until I've settled down into the situation and found my bearings. Then I'll start panicking!

-Exuse me, what is your name?
-My name? My name... is Slartibartfast.
-I beg your pardon?
-Slartibartfast.
-Slartibartfast?
-I said it wasn't important.

-Earthman, the planet you lived on was commisioned, payed for, and run by mice.

-I demand that I may or may not be Vroomfondel!

-All right. The Answer to the Great Question...
-Yes...!
-Of Life, the Universe, and Everything...
-Yes...!
-Is...
-Yes...!
-Is...
-Yes...!!!...?
-Forty-two.

-Arthur! You're safe!
-Am I? Oh, good.

-Forty-two.

Oh, hell yes!

"Home... Home... Home is where you hang your hat." - Emilio Lizardo

"We train young men to drop fire on people. But their commanders won't allow them to write fuck on their airplanes because it's obscene!"

From Apocalypse Now

Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit- crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


RENTON: I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who need reasons when you've got heroin?



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


RENTON: People think it's all about misery and desperation and death and all that shite, which is not to be ignored, but what they forget is the pleasure of it. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. Take the best orgasm you ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near it. When you're on junk you have only one worry: scoring. When you're off it you are suddenly obliged to worry about all sorts of other shite. Got no money: can't get pished. Got money: drinking too much. Can't get a bird: no chance of a ride. Got a bird: too much hassle. You have to worry about bills, about food, about some football team that never fucking wins, about human relationships and all the things that really don't matter when you've got a sincere and truthful junk habit.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


RENTON: Relinquishing junk. Stage One: preparation. For this you will need: one room which you will not leave; one mattress; tomato soup, ten tins of; mushroom soup, eight tins of, for consumption cold; ice cream, vanilla, one large tub of; Magnesia, Milk of, one bottle; paracetamol; mouth wash; vitamins; mineral water; Lucozade; pornography; one bucket for urine, one for feces, and one for vomitus; one television; and one bottle of Valium, which I have already procured, from my mother, who is, in her own domestic and socially acceptable way, also a drug addict.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


RENTON: The down side of coming off junk was that I knew I would need to mix with my friends again in a state of full consciousness. It was awful: they reminded me so much of myself I could hardly bear to look at them. Take Sick Boy, for instance, he came off junk at the same time as me, not because he wanted too, you understand, but just to annoy me, just to show me how easily he could do it, thereby downgrading my own struggle. Sneaky fucker, don't you think? And when all I wanted to do was lie along and feel sorry for myself, he insisted on telling me once again about his unifying theory of life.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


MAN 2: You seem eminently suited to this post but I wonder if you could explain the gaps in your employment record?
RENTON: Yes, I can. The truth -- well, the truth is that I've had a long-standing problem with heroin addiction. I've been known to sniff it, smoke it, swallow it, stick it up my arse and inject it into my veins. I've been trying to combat this addiction, but unless you count social security scams and shoplifting, I haven't had a regular job in years. I feel it's important to mention this.





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TOMMY: How's it going with Gail?
SPUD: No joy yet.

TOMMY: How long is it?

SPUD: Six weeks.

TOMMY: Six weeks!

SPUD: It's a nightmare. She told me she didn't want our relationship to start on a physical basis as that is how it would be principally defined from then on in.

TOMMY: Where did she come up with that?

SPUD: She read it in Cosmopolitan.

TOMMY: Six weeks and no sex?

SPUD: I've got balls like watermelons, I'm telling you.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


TOMMY: Useless motherfucker, that's what she called me. I told her, I'm sorry, but these things happen. Let's put it behind us.
SPUD: That's fair enough.

TOMMY: Yes, but then she finds out I've bought a ticket for Iggy Pop the same night.

SPUD: Went ballistic?

TOMMY: Big time. Absolutely fucking radge. 'It's me or Iggy Pop, time to decide.'

SPUD: So what's it going to be?

TOMMY: Well, I've paid for the ticket.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


GAIL: Wake up, Spud, wake up. Sex. Casual sex. You useless bastards. So, let's see what I'm missing.
Not much.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


RENTON: Christ, I haven't felt that good since Archie Gemmill scored against Holland in 1978.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


LIZZY: What do you mean, it's 'gone'? Where has it gone, Tommy?
TOMMY: It'll be here somewhere. I might have returned it by mistake.

LIZZY: Returned it? Where? To the video shop, Tommy? To the fucking video store? So every punter in Edinburgh is jerking off to our video? God, Tommy, I feel sick.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


DIANE: I don't see why not.
RENTON: Because it's illegal.

DIANE: Holding hands?

RENTON: No, not holding hands.

DIANE: In that case you can do it. You were quite happy to do a lot more last night.

RENTON: And that's what's illegal. Do you know what they do to people like me inside? They'd cut my balls off and flush them down the fucking toilet.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


TOMMY: Doesn't it make you proud to be Scottish?
RENTON: I hate being Scottish. We're the lowest of the fucking low, the scum of the earth, the most wretched, servile, miserable, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some people hate the English, but I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. We can't even pick a decent culture to be colonized by. We are ruled by effete arseholes. It's a shite state of affairs and all the fresh air in the world will not make any fucking difference.





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RENTON: Swanney taught us to adore and respect the National Health Service, for it was the source of much of our gear. We stole drugs, we stole prescriptions, or bought them, sold them, swapped them, forged them, photocopied them or traded them with cancer victims, alcoholics, old age pensioners, AIDS patients, epileptics and bored housewives. We took morphine, diamorphine, cyclozine, codeine, temazepam, nitrezepam, phenobarbitone, sodium amytal dextropropoxyphene, methadone, nalbuphine, pethidine, pentazocine, buprenorphine, dextromoramide chlormethiazole. The streets are awash with drugs that you can have for unhappiness and pain, and we took them all. Fuck it, we would have injected Vitamin C if only they'd made it illegal.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


DIANE: Hello there, Mark. What are you doing? You didn't tell me you were a thief.
SPUD: Hey, go easy, lady. The boy's got a habit to support.

SICK BOY: Opium doesn't just grow on trees, you know.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


RENTON: Nor did I. Our only response was to keep on going and fuck everything. Pile misery upon misery, heap it up on a spoon and dissolve it with a drop of bile, then squirt it into a stinking purulent vein and do it all over again. Keep on going: getting up, going out, robbing, stealing, fucking people over, propelling ourselves with longing towards the day it would all go wrong.
Because no matter how much you stash or how much you steal, you never have enough. No matter how often you go out and rob and fuck people over you always need to get up and do it all again.

Sooner or later, this sort of thing was bound to happen.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


RENTON: I do appreciate what you're trying to do, I really do, but I need just one score, to ease myself off it. Just one. Just one.
BEGBIE: Well, this is a good laugh, you fucking useless bastard. Go on, sweat that shite out of your system, because if I come back and it's still there, I'll fucking kick it out.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


DIANE: You're not getting any younger, Mark. The world is changing, music is changing, even drugs are changing. You can't stay in here all day dreaming about heroin and Ziggy Pop.
RENTON: It's Iggy Pop.

DIANE: Whatever. I mean, the guy's dead anyway.

RENTON: Iggy Pop is not dead. He toured last year. Tommy went to see him.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


RENTON: This was to be my final hit. But let's be clear about this: there's final hits and final hits. What kind was this to be? Some final hits are actually terminal one way or another, while others are merely transit points as you travel from station to station on the junky journey through junky life.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


SICK BOY: So what are you planning with your share, Spud?
RENTON: Buy yourself that island in the sun?

BEGBIE: For four fucking grand? One plam tree, a couple of rocks, and a sewage outflow.

SPUD: I don't know, maybe I'll buy something for my ma, and then buy some good speed, no bicarb like, then get a girl, take her out like, and treat her -- properly.

BEGBIE: Shag her senseless.

SPUD: No, I don't mean like that -- I mean something nice, like, that's all --

BEGBIE: You daft ****. If you're going to waste it like that, you might as well leave it all to me.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers, all false. The truth is that I'm a bad person, but that's going to change, I'm going to change. This is the last of this sort of thing. I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm going to be just like you: the job, the family, the fucking big television, the washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electrical tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisurewear, luggage, three-piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing the gutters, getting by, looking ahead, to the day you die.

"Come to me, son of Jor-El. Kneel before Zod. Snootchie-bootchies! Tee hee!"

How about including the name of the movie with your quote?

Veruca Salt: Don't care how, I want it nooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Willy Wonka: She was a bad egg.

Willy Wonka: We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams.

The Oompa Loompas: Oompa, loompa, loompety do.

Mr. Beauregarde: I've got a blueberry for a daughter!

Willy Wonka: We've got so much time and so little to do!

Violet Beauregarde: [As she picks her nose] Spitting's a dirty habit.

Willy Wonka: You should open your mouth a little wider when you speak.

Woody Allen's Deconstructing Harry

Doris: You have no values. Your whole life: it's nihilism, it's cynicism, it's sarcasm, and orgasm.
Harry Block: You know, in France, I could run on that slogan and win.

***

Harry Block: [I] think you're the opposite of a paranoid. I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.

"Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped"
Groucho Marx

"I am going to shoot you with a b-b gun when you're not looking. Right in the back of the head"

"Well if you were a man i would punch you right in the mouth."

"I'm going to punch you in the ovaries. Straight shot. Right to the babymaker."

Ron from anchorman

Jonathan Demme's Silence of the Lambs

Clarice Starling: If you didn't kill him then who did, sir?
Dr. Hannibal Lecter: Who can say? Best thing for him really, his therapy was going nowhere.

Ghostbusters

"Symmetrical book stacking, just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1945."
"You're right, no ordinary human being would stack books like this."

------------------------------
"Everything was fine until the grid was shut down by dickless here."
"They caused an explosion!"
"Is this true?"
"Yes sir, it's true. This man has no dick."
-------------------------------

Fight Club

Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

***

This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.

***

You know, man, it could be worse: a woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car.

***

You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fu**ing khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

As Good As It Gets has a ton of them....

Melvin: "Go sell crazy somehwere else. We're all stocked up here."

Or

Melvin:
"Well, I work all the time. So
never, never again interrupt me.
Okay? I mean, never. Not 30
years from now... not if there's
fire. Not even if you hear a thud
from inside my home and a week
later there's a smell from in
there that can only come from a
decaying body and you have to hold
a hanky against your face because
the stench is so thick you think
you're going to faint even then
don't come knocking or, if it's
election night and you're excited
and want to celebrate because some
fudge-packer you dated has been
elected the first queer President
of the United States... and he's
going to put you up in Camp David
and you just want to share the
moment with someone... don't knock
... not on this door. Not for
anything. Got me. Sweetheart?"


Hillarious

You are right. I love the scene at his book publisher's office:

Receptionist: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

Your are right. I love the scene at his book publisher's office:

Receptionist: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

It's a great movie! The entire script is here. (http://www.awesomefilm.com/script/asitgets.txt)

It puts other romantic comedies to shame...

Jaws
"your're gonna need a bigger boat"

Snatch
"you should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity"

Scarface
"say hello to my little friends"

Max: C'mon Hitler, I'll buy you a lemonade.

-Max

Arnie has some great ones apart from the obvious i'll be back

"Don't disturb my friend, he's dead tired"

"your're a funny guy Sully, i like you, that's why im gonna kill you last"

"Let off some steam Bennett"

"Remember Sully when I said i'd kill you last, i lied"

"if you want your daughter you're gonna have to co-operate right? WRONG"

Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

Woody Allen's Annie Hall

"Roads? Where we're going, we don't need... roads."

Surprised this hasn't been posted yet.

Shakespeare in Love (great screenplay by Marc Norman and Tom Stoppard)

Philip Henslowe: Mr. Fennyman, allow me to explain about the theatre business. The natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles on the road to imminent disaster.
Hugh Fennyman: So what do we do?
Philip Henslowe: Nothing. Strangely enough, it all turns out well.
Hugh Fennyman: How?
Philip Henslowe: I don't know. It's a mystery.

John Houston's The Man Who Would Be King

Daniel Dravot: When we're done with you, you'll be able to stand up and slaughter your enemies like civilized men.

***

Daniel Dravot: You are going to become soldiers. A soldier does not think. He only obeys. Do you really think that if a soldier thought twice he'd give his life for queen and country? Not bloody likely.

***

Billy Fish: He wants to know if you are gods.
Peachy Carnehan: Not gods - Englishmen. The next best thing.

How long do you think it'll be before someone quotes a Monty Python film?

Bugger! A Monty Python fan got in before me!


Now I know why I keep coming back here. You're (mostly) all as twisted as I am. In fact most any line from any monty python movie. From Holy Grail alone theres --

How can you tell he's a king?
He's not all covered in shit.

and

Help, help! I'm being oppressed!
Bloody peasant!
Oh, what a giveaway.

plus

I've cut you're bloody arm off!
No you haven't!

classic. But you all have come up with so many other good ones. Hat's off to all you sicko's! Nothin but love.

how come noones quoted the adventures of ford fairlane...theres a fine movie for ya all. or maybe i just didn't catch them. anyway, heres some classic lines;

[to his erection]
Ford Fairlane: Come on, down boy. Down Stanley. Roseanne Barr naked. Gone.

Ford Fairlane: How much?
Ticket Guy: 300.
Ford Fairlane: 300? You charged the chicks one.
Ticket Guy: Hey, they blew me.
Ford Fairlane: Heh. 300 coming up.

Ford Fairlane: You're 10 seconds away from the most embarrassing moment in your life.

Nigel Tufnel: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and....
Marty DiBergi: Oh, I see. And most amps go up to ten?
Nigel Tufnel: Exactly.
Marty DiBergi: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?
Marty DiBergi: I don't know.
Nigel Tufnel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
Marty DiBergi: Put it up to eleven.
Nigel Tufnel: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
Marty DiBergi: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?
Nigel Tufnel: [Pause.] These go to eleven.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marty DiBergi: It's very pretty.
Nigel Tufnel: You know, just simple lines intertwining, you know, very much like.... I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach, and it's sort of in between those, really. It's like a Mach piece, really. It's sort of —
Marty DiBergi: What do you call this?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump."

- This is Spinal Tap -


" "
- Battleship Potemkin -

Ten quatloos to whoever can guess the movies these come from.




"What is your major malfunction, private!?": Full Metal Jacket

"Nobody fucks with the Jesus.": Big Labowski

"I've got a bad feeling about this.": Return of the Jedi (yet I'm sure its been in so many others!)

"A beam of energy can always be diverted. Are we there yet, mommy?"
It's 200 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses." "Hit it.": The Blues Brothers...classic

"One shall stand, one shall fall.": Transformers The Movie, nice one!

"Come on, you apes, you wanna live forever!?": Starship Troopers

"You remind me of the babe." "What babe?" "the babe with the power." "What power?" "The power of voodoo." "Who do?" "You do!" " Do what?" "Remind me of the babe.": Labyrinth

"But the shopkeeper and his son, a different story altogether...I had to beat them to death with their own shoes...": Waynes World...2?

"It's all in the mind!": Arggh, I know this one...but, can't, remember... :headbang:

"Anyone else want to negotiate?": Fifth Element

Almost forgot...
"My God, it's full of stars!": 2001: a SpaceOdyssey

" __________ "
- Battleship Potemkin

Yea, but Eisenstein stole the line from Murnau's Nosferatu.

;)

Nigel Tufnel: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and....
Marty DiBergi: Oh, I see. And most amps go up to ten?
Nigel Tufnel: Exactly.
Marty DiBergi: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?
Marty DiBergi: I don't know.
Nigel Tufnel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
Marty DiBergi: Put it up to eleven.
Nigel Tufnel: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
Marty DiBergi: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?
Nigel Tufnel: [Pause.] These go to eleven.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marty DiBergi: It's very pretty.
Nigel Tufnel: You know, just simple lines intertwining, you know, very much like.... I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach, and it's sort of in between those, really. It's like a Mach piece, really. It's sort of —
Marty DiBergi: What do you call this?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump."

- This is Spinal Tap -


That film is genius :D You seen the DVD with the extra scene in the zoo? they start talking about how apes and things philsophise and work with computers. classic!

"We're on a mission from God"

The very first line of spoken dialogue in a feature length movie was:

"Wait a minute! Wait a minute! You ain't heard nothin' yet."

Anyone know who said it and in what movie?

The very first line of spoken dialogue in a feature length movie was:

"Wait a minute! Wait a minute! You ain't heard nothin' yet."

Anyone know who said it and in what movie?
Erm.... Batman in The Lord of the Rings?

The very first line of spoken dialogue in a feature length movie was:

"Wait a minute! Wait a minute! You ain't heard nothin' yet."

Anyone know who said it and in what movie?
Wanna hear 'Toot, Toot Tootsie' too? :D

Too easy, huh?

Erm.... Batman in The Lord of the Rings?

No no no, it was Neo, in his cameo appearence in Chicago. He then does a little tap dance routine and serenades the Oracle with a love song.


I swear its in the extras on the DVD.

No no no, it was Neo, in his cameo appearence in Chicago. He then does a little tap dance routine and serenades the Oracle with a love song.


I swear its in the extras on the DVD.
ROFL.

"Are you sure that's air your breathing?" Morpheous, The matrix.

"Do not test the Limits of My power" Mew Two, some pokemon movie (so shoot me)

"You forgot Cute and FLUFFY!" Stich!

Umm.. lets see...

"Looser's sit on the sideline without a date. Winners go Home and Fuck the Prom queen" Sean Connery - The Rock.

"How many fingers am I holding up?"
"Six"
<pulls out his hand, with six fingers on it>
"AH!"

Alright so I suck, just say it.

I'm not sure if this is exactly right

"God makes dinosaurs, God kills dinosaurs. God makes man, man makes dinosaurs. Dinosaurs kill men. Women take over the world"

Famous Movie Misquotes:

"Me Tarzan, you Jane"
***
"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"
***
"You dirty rat!"
***
"Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn."
***
"Play it again, Sam"
***
"Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!"
***
"Just the facts, ma'am."
***
"Do you feel lucky, punk?"
***
"May the force be with you."
***
"Beam me up, Scotty."

The very first line of spoken dialogue in a feature length movie was:

"Wait a minute! Wait a minute! You ain't heard nothin' yet."

Anyone know who said it and in what movie?
Al Johnson in the 'The Jazz Singer'?

From one of my all-time favourite movies:

Major Strasser:You give him credit for too much cleverness. My impression was that he's just another blundering American.
Captain Renault:We musn't underestimate American blundering. I was with them when they blundered into Berlin in 1918.

Major Strasser: Are you one of those people who cannot imagine the Germans in their beloved Paris?
Rick: It's not particularly my beloved Paris.
Heinz: Can you imagine us in London?
Rick: When you get there, ask me!
Major Strasser:Hmmh! Diplomatist!
Major Strasser: How about New York?
Rick: Well there are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn't advise you to try to invade.

Ugarte: You despise me, don't you?
Rick: If I gave you any thought I probably would.

Yvonne: Where were you last night?
Rick: That's so long ago, I don't remember.
Yvonne: Will I see you tonight?
Rick: I never make plans that far ahead.

Ugarte: Rick, think of all the poor devils who can't meet Renault's price. I get it for them for half. Is that so... parasitic?
Rick: I don't mind a parasite. I object to a cut-rate one.

Major Strasser:What is your nationality?
Rick: I'm a drunkard.
Captain Renault: That makes Rick a citizen of the world.

Rick: Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

Captain Renault: Realizing the importance of the case, my men are rounding up twice the usual number of suspects.

Rick: How long was it we had, honey?
Ilsa: I didn't count the days.
Rick: Well, I did. Every one of them. Mostly, I remember the last one, the wild finish. A guy standing on a station platform in the rain, with a comical look on his face, because his insides have been kicked out.

Major Heinrich Strasser: Last night you expressed an interest in Monsieur Ugarte.
Victor Laszlo: Well, its not important, but may I speak with him?
Major Heinrich Strasser: You would find the conversation a trifle one-sided. Monsieur Ugarte's dead.
Captain Renault: I'm just writing the report now. We haven't quite decided whether he committed suicide or died trying to escape.

Captain Renault: Oh no, Emil, please. A bottle of your best champagne, and put it on my bill.
Emil: Very well, sir.
Victor Laszlo: Captain, please...
Captain Renault: Oh, please, monsieur. It is a little game we play. They put it on the bill, I tear up the bill. It is very convenient.

Ilsa: You're saying this only to make me go.
Rick: I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.
Ilsa: But what about us?
Rick: We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night.
Ilsa: When I said I would never leave you.
Rick: And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... Here's looking at you kid.

Ilsa: Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time.

Rick: And remember, this gun is pointed right at your heart.
Captain Renault: That is my least vulnerable spot.

Captain Renault: Major Strasser has been shot. Round up the usual suspects.

Rick: Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Rick: Here's looking at you, kid.

Scott me up Beamy

"Is that Peter F***ing Framton?!"

"I used to hate that song.

Yah.

Now I kinda like it.

Yah."

So many to choose from.

so many...

"Go, get the butter."

Last Tango in Paris (you need to know the movie to understand the quote)

Check this site out:
http://www.filmsite.org/moments00.html
"100 Great Movie Lines We Can't Live Without"

"Go, get the butter."

Last Tango in Paris (you need to know the movie to understand the quote)

Check this site out:
http://www.filmsite.org/moments00.html
"100 Great Movie Lines We Can't Live Without"


LOL

Certainly one of the best adverts made for Margarine IMO. Put me off using butter for a while.

Well, if we are going to go in this direction how about the line from Deep Throat:

Linda: How would you like it if you had balls in your ears?
Dr. Young: [pause] I guess I could hear myself coming!

Garth Algar: How can you sleep like that?
Del Preston: Listen, sonny Jim. Sleeping like this will add ten years to your life. I learned it from Keith Richards when I toured with the Stones. This may be the reason why Keith cannot be killed by conventional weapons.

Wayne's World II

Glengarry Glen Ross

Blake: We're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize?
[Holds up prize]
Blake: Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.

There is no spoon. The Matrix
I can't believe nobody put this up yet!

"Good? Bad? I'm the one with the gun."
-Army of Darkness

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

George: Martha, in my mind you're buried in cement right up to the neck. No, up to the nose, it's much quieter.

The Lion in Winter

Henry II, King of England: She's like a democratic drawbridge. She goes down for everyone.

The Lion in Winter and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf are the two best husband-wife fight movies of all time.

Dantes:How did I escape? With Difficulty...
Dantes: How did I plan this moment? With Pleasure...

Fernand: Why are you doing this?
Dantes: Its complicated... Let's just say its vengeance...

The Count of Monte Cristo

"And soon I will have understanding of videocassette recorders and car telephones. And when I have understanding of them, I shall have understanding of computers. And when I have understanding of computers, I shall be the Supreme Being!"

Evil Genius, 'Time Bandits'

How can you forget Frothywats Bumblestew?!?!?! "Oy tickay barkay watsa ow forza joggy-do, bot he dodn't watsa ow tree-fourza owago!!" I mean, that's classic! The first time I saw "Unamerican Activities" and "Mary Kay Letourneau Strikes Back With a Vengeance II," I almost DIED!! Hahahaha! I love that guy, still!! I think the actor joined the band BoneSkan, because when I saw them in concert it was totally him that was playing the electric accordian.

"What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!"

Bluto Blutarky in Animal House
Love that movie

Where are all my men?(think it was this)-Longstreet(think it was him)+Gettysburg

Homer Simpson is always good.

"In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women."

The origional in "Scarface" is good also, of course.

Earth Girls Are Easy

Candy: I just want to say that being chosen as this month's Miss August is like a compliment I'll remember for as long as I can. Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA, but my goal is to become a veterinarian, 'cause I love children.

Sean Connery in the "Untouchables."

"You wanna get Capone? Here's how you get him. He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way."

Sean Connery in the "Untouchables."

"You wanna get Capone? Here's how you get him. He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way."

There is a great homage to Eisenstein's Battleship Potemkin in the scene of the baby carriage bouncing down the stairs in the middle of a gun fight.

I spend too much time posting crap on these message boards. Time for a break from the General Forum. I leave with a quote from a really bad Sean Connery movie, Zardoz:

Zed: We've all been used and reused...
Friend: ...and abused...
Arthur: ...and amused!

"Weeeeell...Kyle's mums a bitch, she's a big fat bitch. She the biggest bitch in the whole wide world.
Shes a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch,
Shes a bitch to all the boys and girls!
On Monday shes a bitch, on Tuesday shes a bitch. On Wednesday through Saturday shes a bitch. Then on Sunday, just to make a difference, she super King Kamehamia biatch!
Have you ever met my buddy Kyles mum? shes the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. She's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair, she's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.
Bitch, Bitch, Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. Shes a stupid bitch. Kyles mum a bitch and shes just a dirty bitch!
Talk to kids around the world and it might go a little bit something like this!
(Translations in foreign languages, but I don't know them!)
Have you ever met my buddy Kyles mum? shes the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. She's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair, she's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.
Bitch, Bitch, Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. Shes a stupid bitch. Kyles mum a bitch and shes just a dirty bitch!
I really mean it Kyles mum! Shes a big fat fucking biiiitch. Big old fat fucking bitch Kyles mum, yeah. Chaa!

mmmmm mmm mmmmmmm mmm mmm - Kenny

Oh my...South Park...

"Through the eyes of a child, the world seems magical
There’s a sparkle in their eyes, we’ve yet to realize
The darkness in their soul
The beauty of their smile, adventurous and wild
Life is kind of gay, but it doesn’t seem that way
Through the Eyes of a Child"

"There are times when you get suckered in
By drugs and alchohol and sex with women-mmkay
But its when you do these things too much
That you've become an addict and must get back in touch
You can do it Its all up to you-mmmmmkay
With a little plan you can change your life tooo-day
You dont have to spend your life addicted to smack
Homeless on the streets giving handjobs for crack
Follow my plan and very soon you will see-eeyy, its easy mmkay

Step 1: Instead of ass say buns, like "kiss my buns" or "you're a buns hole"

Step 2: Instead of shit say poo, as in "bull poo", "poo head" and this "poo is cold"

Step 3: With bitch drop the t because bich is latin for generosity

Step 4: Dont say fuck any more because fuck is the worst word that you can say

So just use the word mmmkay!"

They say I don't belong
I must stay below alone
Because of my beliefs I'm suppossed to stay where is prone
What is evil anyway

hoowwww

Is there reason to the rhyme
Without evil there could be no good so it must be good to be evil sometimes

Up there there is so much room
Where babies burp and flowers bloom
Everyone dreams, I can dream too

Up there, Up where the skys are ocean blue
I could be safe and live without a care
Live without a care
If only I could live UP THERE.

I want to live up thereeeeeeee.

and even though it's not from a movie...

Howdy Ho! The Virgin Mary was sleeping
When Angel Gabriel appeared..
He said, 'you are to be the virgin mother'
And Mary thought that was weird..
[But she said, 'I'm not a virgin
I blew a guy last year']
But then Gabriel said to Mary,
'My child, have no fear'

[for you can suck all the dick you want]
And still be a Virgin, Mary..
[you can suck all the dick you want]
And still not be considered flawed..
[cos I know you'd like to play
And suck right through the day]
But you're still still a virgin
In the eyes of god!

There was no room at the Inn
When Mary and Joseph did arrive
They were so very tired, you see
[and they had to have a rest for the night]
She said she had no money
[and she had no place to sleep]
Gabriel appeared to mary
And told her not to weep

[for you can suck all the dick you want]
And still be a Virgin, Mary..
[you can suck all the dick you want]
And still be the mother of Christ..
If there's no room at the inn
then it's not considered a sin
[to suck a dick to get a place to sleep!]
That's right..

And three wisemen did appear
Bearing gifts of myrrh and such..
They said that they had followed a star
And missed a woman's touch..
[she said, this is a tragedy
I can't take them all to bed]
But again Gabriel appeared to her
And this is what he said..

[You can suck all the dick you want]
And still be a Virgin, Mary..
[You can suck all the dick you want of..]
Everyone in the nation
[Fellation aint no sin
So have a dildo three miles in]
And you'll still be a virgin
[to everyone gone down on Christmas!]

[You can suck all the dick you want]
And still be a Virgin, Mary..
[You can take if from the ox and the lamb]
And even the little drummer boy..
Folks will remember your name quick
[for sucking the most of the dick!]
[for sucking dick..]
Brings peace, and love, and joy.
[for sucking dick..]
Brings peace, and love, and joy.
[you can suck my dick]
[laughter]

Scareface


"Say hello to my little friend" :sniper: :mp5:

I do a German dance for you
It's fun and gay and tralalala

"No mo yanky my wanky...the Donger need food!"

"Oh sexy girlfriend..."

"Last night my little brother paid a buck to see your underpants"

"What are you bitch'in about, I gotta sleep under a chinaman named after a duck's dork"

"Well what did they want?" "SEX!"

"A girl in a hat is so....Vogue".


Sixteen Candles...still love that movie.

I have come to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubble gum.
-Rowdy Roddy Piper in They Live
I got news for you pal, you ain't leading anyone but jack and shit, and jack left town.
-Bruce Campbell in Army of Darkness

Chasing Amy:

HOLDEN
What the fuck are you doing!

BANKY
Bear with me here. I just want to put you through this little exercise.
(drawing feverishly)
Okay, now see this? This is a four way road, okay?

Banky draws a four-way stop. He illustrates according to his voice-over.

BANKY V.O.
And dead in the center, is a crisp, new, hundred dollar bill. Now at the
end of each of the streets, are four people, okay? You following? Up
here, we got a male-affectionate, easy- to-get-along-with, no political agenda lesbian. Okay? Now down here, we have a man-hating, angry-as-fuck, agenda-of-rage, bitter dyke. To this side, we got Santa Claus, right? And over to this side - the Easter Bunny.

Banky finishes drawing. Holden’s shaking his head

BANKY
Which one’s going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?

HOLDEN
What is this supposed to prove?

BANKY
I’m serious. This is a serious exercise. It’s like an S.A.T. question.
Which one’s going to get to the hundred dollar bill first - the
male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the
Easter Bunny?

HOLDEN
(beat; then pissed)
The man-hating dyke.

BANKY
Good. Why?

HOLDEN
I don’t know.

BANKY
(wildly crossing out the other three)
BECAUSE THESE OTHER THREE ARE FIGMENTS OF YOUR FUCKING IMAGINATION!



Pure brilliance :D

It's a Wonderful Life

Hey look, mister - we serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast, and we don't need any characters around to give the joint "atmosphere". Is that clear, or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer?

"Is that Peter F***ing Framton?!"

"I used to hate that song.

Yah.

Now I kinda like it.

Yah."

So many to choose from.

so many...

gotta love that movie...

another one from it


What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means"
- Inigo Montoya
"You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous: is never get involved with a land war in Asia. But only sightly less well known is this : never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line. AH Hahahah Hahahaha-Hahahah -"
-Fesick

"Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy...the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess in the insane lament. My childhood was typical...summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds...pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum...it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it." -Dr. Evil "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery"

"Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy...the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess in the insane lament. My childhood was typical...summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds...pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum...it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it." -Dr. Evil "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery"
I didn't even read the last ten pages of the thread, but typos notwithstanding, you totally win. Add this to the "Movies we need to send into space" thread. I think they'll totally get it.

"Inconceviable"
-The Princess Bride

"Get out of my clothes"
-The court Jester

I skiped reading the last 9 pages so sorry if these have already been posted

Luke I am your father

Who is more foolish, the fool or the one who follows him?

"Somebody stop me" from The Mask

John, I've never been able to put this into words before. I love...shooting things.

warning.. this will most likely turn into a really long post.
thank you, starter of this thread. too many quotes to think of.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
half baked

Brian: Get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Haagen-Dasz ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars and we can make s'mores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Cap'n Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons.
Kenny: That's it?

Kenny Davis: You guys gotta get me out of here! There's this guy Nasty Nate who wants my cocktail fruit, and everyone here likes fresh fish! Then The Squirrel Master came out of left field and told me I'm his bitch!

Brian: Lady, seven bucks for a used Kenny Loggins record? I'll give you five.
Record Store Customer: Ugh-huh, he autographed it himself.
Brian: Alright, I'll give you four.

Scarface: Don't worry, man. All we gotta do to get you out is to get ten percent of ten million dollars. Which by our calculations is...
Brian: ...Fucking impossible, man!

Thurgood Jenkins: I'm sorry, yo. I don't wanna be the first nigga to die from a crossbow!

Kenny: Ever take your clothes off and run backwards through a cornfield?!

Thurgood Jenkins: I myself, am a master of the custodial arts. Or a janitor, if you wanna be a dick about it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
nothing to lose

T. Paul: Not bad Nick, not bad - for a cheatin' bitch.
Nick Beam: Hey! Don't you call her that, you don't know her, don't say that.
T. Paul: Okay, okay, no disrespect. What should I call her? "Monogamously challenged"?

Nick Beam: You don't say "sorry" when you shoot somebody. You can say "sorry" when you step on someone's toe, or accidentally break their glasses, or when you fart while they're eating. YOU DON'T SAY YOU'RE SORRY WHEN YOU SHOOT SOMEONE!

Nick Beam: [Pointing gun at clerk] Now all I want is twenty dollars on pump number fifteen and a sour fruity twist, is that too much to ask?

Nick Beam: [Whips out gun] Freeze suckerbitch!
Henry: That was much better.
Nick Beam: Thank you, Henry, see ya later.
T. Paul: What the hell is a suckerbitch?

T. Paul: I'm - I'm Nick Beam.That's what I told her. I'm Nick Beam. And Nick Beam ain't puttin' up with that bullshit. She'd have been crying, you know? "Oh, Nick, please take me back. Please, please, Nick. It was only one time." I'm gonna "one time" your ass. Nick Beam is the master of his fate, the ruler of his destiny. So if you wanna cry on somebody's shoulder, why don't you cry on Superdick? As for Nick Beam, I'm fit, lit, and I damn sure ain't takin' no shit. So you can get the fuck out. That's what I'd 'a told the bitch.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
duck soup

Rufus T. Firefly: You're a brave man. Go and break through the lines. And remember, while you're out there risking you're life and limb through shot and shell, we'll be in be in here thinking what a sucker you are.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
the big lebowski... sorry people, there will be alot of these too

Donny: How come you don't roll on Saturday Walter?
Walter Sobchak: I'm Shomer Shabbos.
Donny: What's that Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fuckin' ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit DON'T FUCKING ROLL! Shomer shabbos!

[after showing him a clip from the porn movie]
Maude Lebowski: You can imagine where it goes from here.
The Dude: He fixes the cable?

Treehorn Thug: [holding up a bowling ball] What the fuck is this?
The Dude: Obviously you're not a golfer.

Jesus Quintana: What is this "day of rest" shit? What is this bullshit, man? I don't fucking care! It don't matter to Jesus! But you're not fooling me! You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus! It's bush league psych-out stuff! Laughable, man! I would've fucked you in the ass Saturday, I'll fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead! Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!

Walter Sobchak: OVER THE LINE!
Smokey: Huh?
Walter Sobchak: I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line that's a foul.
Smokey: Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
Smokey: Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.
The Dude: Walter, ya know, its Smokey, so his foot slipped over the line a little, big deal.
Walter Sobchak: Dude, this is a league game, the winner of this gets to progress into the next round robin. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
Smokey: Yeah but I wasn't over.
Walter Sobchak: [pulls out a gun] Smokey you are about to enter a world of pain.

The Dude: And, you know, he's got emotional problems, man.
Walter Sobchak: You mean... beyond pacifism?

The Dude: Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. You know, that or uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
airplane

[Thinking to himself]
Ted Striker: I've got to concentrate...
[his thoughts echo]
Ted Striker: concentrate... concentrate... I've got to concentrate... concentrate... concentrate... Hello?... hello... hello... Echo... echo... echo... Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota...

Roger Murdock: We have clearance Clarence.
Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector Victor?
Tower voice: Tower's radio clearance, over.
Captain Oveur: That's Clarence Oveur. Over.
Tower voice: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: Roger, over.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Captain Oveur: Huh?

Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.

Rex Kramer: Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked... in the head... with an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does. It never happens. It's a dumb question... skip it.

ok, im done... for now

Adrienne Barbeau character quotes:

Swamp Thing

I don't know where we are Toto, but it sure isn't Kansas.

Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death

This is a war! A war between men and women. Anything short of cannibalism is just beating around the bush.

Creepshow

Get out of my way Henry, or I swear to god you will be wearing your balls for earrings!

Burial of the Rats

Let us affirm this truth - we are all vermin in the ratholes of the universe.

bump

From an early Jackie Chan film (I forget which)
Ha, ha, ha, what a technique! I must try it on your sister!

"If you do good, you will see me again, once. If you do bad, you will see me, twice."

- The Cowboy in Mulholland Drive

Most sinister threat by a movie baddie ever, I think.

I don't know if anyone has mentioned this one yet, I haven't read all the posts. My favorite is from Con Air, all the guys are on the plane singing to 'Sweet Home Alabama' and the psychopathic pedophile, played by the guy from Fargo (you can always tell a good actor when you remember them but not thier name), turns to the protagonist and says:
"You know what irony is? Irony is a bunch of guys, on a plane, singing a song written by a bunch of guys who died in a plane crash."
That's about the only good thing in that movie, it stunk, real bad, but I love that line.

Arrogance isn't a birth right it's a privilage!

Can't remember who said it!! Just think it's fab.

Marisa Tomei was great in My Cousin Vinny

Lisa: Well I hate to bring it up because I know you've got enough pressure on you already, but we agreed to get married as soon as you won your first case. Meanwhile TEN YEARS LATER, my niece, the daughter of my sister is getting married. My biological clock is TICKING LIKE THIS and the way this case is going, we ain't never getting married.

Vinny Gambini: Lisa, I don't need this. I swear to God, I don't need this right now, okay? I've got a judge that's just aching to throw me in jail. An idiot who wants to fight me for two hundred dollars. Slaughtered pigs. Giant loud whistles. I ain't slept in five days. I got no money, a dress code problem, AND a little murder case which in the balance holds the lives of two innocent kids. Not to mention your BIOLOGICAL CLOCK - my career, your life, our marriage, and let me see, what else can we pile on? Is there any more SHIT we can pile on to the top of the outcome of this case? Is it possible?

Lisa: Maybe it was a bad time to bring it up.

"Its a strange world sandy"























































































































































































































































































































Blue Velvet

hello (http://www.absurd.org) my (http://www.absurd.org) name (http://www.absurd.org) is (http://www.absurd.org) the (http://www.absurd.org) monkey (http://www.absurd.org) boy (http://www.absurd.org) . (http://www.absurd.org) tenk (http://www.absurd.org) you (http://www.absurd.org) veddy (http://www.absurd.org) much (http://www.absurd.org) . (http://www.absurd.org)

"...Or if you a hear a thud and a week later there is a stench so bad that you have to hold a hanky to your face because it can only be the smell of a decaying human body...even then: Don't knock. Or, if it's election night and some fudgepacker you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's having you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with...even then: Don't knock. Not on this door. Do you get me, sweetheart?"

Jack Nicholson, As Good as it Gets

We are knights who say NI! NI! NI!

and we want a bush


bush?? obviously not a fan. they were looking fer 2 shrubberies...

American Werewolf in Paris

Who do you have to sleep with to get a guy to have sex with you?

"What about Woderick then?!"


my good fwiend fwom Wome, Biguth Dickuth...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who.

Antz

Z: The whole system makes me feel... insignificant.
Psychologist: Excellent. You've made a real breakthrough.
Z: I have?
Psychologist: Yes, Z. You ARE insignificant.

bump

"I'm on my own side now"

"I'm on my own side now"

The Bourne Identity?

"Wrong bloody film"
-Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Love that movie.

Life as a House

Hindsight. It's like foresight without a future.

General Geroge S. Patton to the 3rd Army:

"Now I want you to remember, that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die fof his country."

"Get your stinking paws off me you damned dirty ape!" - Planet of the Apes

"No. They weren't psychos. Psychos don't explode when sunlight hits them. I don't care how crazy they are." - From Dusk till Dawn

"Its not a TOOOMAAHH!!!" - Kindergarten Cop

"God didn't create Rambo. I did." - First Blood

Yeah, well fuck you too!!" - The Thing

Tuco: God is on our side because he hates the Yanks!
Blondie: God is not on our side because he hates idiots.

Tuco: Don't die, I'll get you water. Stay there. Don't move, I'll get you water. Don't die until later

Tuco: You want to know who you are? Huh? Huh? You don't, I do, everyone does... you're the son of a thousand fathers, all bastards like you.

Titus

If one good deed in all my life I did, I do repent it from my very soul.

Titanic

That's the one good thing about Paris: there's a lot of girls willing to take their clothes off.

"Just cause you're hung like a moose, doesn't mean you have to do porn."

Oh how i love Kumar

"What kinda name is that anyway? KUUUMAARRR, what is that? 5 u's and 2 o's?" (just off the top of my head, so probably innacurate)

WHITE CASTLE!!!

About a Boy

[Fiona is crying]
Fiona: Will, am I a bad mother?
Will: No. No, you're not a bad mother. You're just a barking lunatic.

***

Will: I'd be the worst possible Godfather. I'd probably drop her on her head at her christening. I'd forget all her birthdays until she was 18. Then I'd take her out and get her drunk. And, let's face it, quite possibly try and shag her.

***

Christine: Oh, no... it's just I thought you had hidden depths.
Will: No, no, you've always had that wrong about me. I really am this shallow.

The entire introductory song of "Springtime for Hitler" in The Producers.

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

-Samuel L Jackson

(and the Bible too, although the passage was heavily altered for the Movie)

We are knights who say NI! NI! NI!

and we want a bush
You mean "a shrubbery."

Elwood: "It's 106 miles to Chicago, we have a half tank of gas, a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."

Jake: "Hit it."

Don't drink that poison! thats 4 dollars an ounce! -Groucho Marx

We are number One, all others are number Two or lower. -The Sphinx

Al Johnson in the 'The Jazz Singer'?

...
Snippage

It's actually Al Jolson not Johnson.

And anyone who get's these ones watches entirely too many movies.

Man: Are you Roland T. Flackfeizer?
Roland: That depends do I owe you money?
Man: No.
Roland: Did I promise to marry your sister when I was drunk?
Man: No.
Roland: Did I promise to marry you when I was drunk?
Man: No.
Roland: Then I'm your man.

also from that movie

Cabbie: Five minutes Mr. Volari. [leaves]
Volari: Five minutes? [sits down at make-up table]
Cabbie (seconds later): Two minutes Mr. Volari.
Volari: Two minutes!? [begins putting black shoe polish that had replaced his face powder on his face]
Cabbie (seconds later): One minute Mr. Jolson
(Okay it's actually really funny in the movie, especially if you know who Al Jolson is)

These ones are two different movies


Some Guy: Nooo. Think of the cholesterol.


Villain: HUMANS. Your not worth the flesh you're printed on.

Edit: Kudos to the one that mentioned the movie Split Second, that movie is pure gold.

Capt.: What!? You want me to put out an APB out on a guy ten feet tall, thinks he's the devil, goes by the name of Lucifer?

I know it's not from a movie, BUT...

Sam: So as it turns out, i accidentally slept with a prostitute last night.
Toby: Really?
Sam: Actually, she was a call girl.
Toby: Accidentally?
Sam: Yes.
Toby: I don't understand, did you trip over something?

The Accidental Tourist

"I don't really care for movies; they make everything seem so close up."

Clerks

"I don't watch movies."

Die Hard

"Just another American who saw too many movies as a child?"

Grand Canyon

"That's part of your problem: you haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles are answered in the movies."

I think this one, from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (my vote for best movie of the year), is particularly appropriate for those of us who constantly post here on the NS General forum.

"Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating."

My favorite quotes is from Team America - but I'm not sure I can post it here.

My favorite quotes is from Team America - but I'm not sure I can post it here.

You can post anything here

My favorite quotes is from Team America - but I'm not sure I can post it here.


How you like my shark tank, hans bilx you bitch, ya that shark is gonna @#$% you up, whahhahahahha,

and later im soooo whoooonely

It may already have been posted, but I'm too lazy to go throught 16 pages of responses. So, here goes,

Star Wars Episode V (The Empire Strikes Back)

Darth Vader: "Luke, I am your father."

Everybody on the planet knows where that quote came from. You'd have to be blind, deaf, live in Siberia without any radio or television, and be all by yourself not to know what movie that quote comes from.

By the way, I can't wait until May when Episode III comes out. I hope it's better than the last two prequels.

Anyways, my two cents.

We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks because pussies get f**ked by dicks. But dicks also f**k assholes. Assholes that just want to sh*t on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can f**k a asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is they f**k too much or f**k when it isn't appropriate. And it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes pussies can be so full of sh*t that they become assholes themselves. Because pussies are a inch and half away from assholes. I don't know much about this crazy crazy world, but I do know this. If you don't let us f**k this asshole we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in sh*t.

Star Wars Episode V (The Empire Strikes Back)

Darth Vader: "Luke, I am your father."

Everybody on the planet knows where that quote came from. You'd have to be blind, deaf, live in Siberia without any radio or television, and be all by yourself not to know what movie that quote comes from.

Yes, this has been posted a couple of times, as well as the actual quote Darth Vader said:

"No. I am your father."

Star Wars has two of the most famous misquotes in movies. The other is: "May the force be with you," supposedly said by Obi Wan. What he actually said was, "The Force will be with you...always" and "Remember, the Force will be with you...always."

Yes, this has been posted a couple of times, as well as the actual quote Darth Vader said:

"No. I am your father."

Really. Is that what he said? I haven't seen the movie in a while, so I can't agree with you or refute it. But if that's so, then why does everyone always say "Luke, I am your father."?

It baffles me.

Actually it's "No, Luke. I am your father!"

Trust me.

Really. Is that what he said? I haven't seen the movie in a while, so I can't agree with you or refute it. But if that's so, then why does everyone always say "Luke, I am your father."?

It baffles me.

Hard to say. For decades people continue to think "Play it again, Sam" was spoken in Casablanca, but it never was.

Actually it's "No, Luke. I am your father!"

Trust me.

Wrong. Thanks for playing, though.

http://www.filmsite.org/moments0.html

Not really a movie, but another mis-quote. Sherlock Holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson."

Wrong. Thanks for playing, though.

No, I'm right. I just listened to it right now after I saw people arguing about it.

EDIT: So, that web-site is a higher authority than the actual video (Which I'm watching right now)?

Allright. I suppose I'll have to go out, rent it, and see for myself.

No, I'm right. I just listened to it right now after I saw people arguing about it.

EDIT: So, that web-site is a higher authority than the actual video (Which I'm watching right now)?

Visit: Greatest Film Misquotes at http://www.filmsite.org/moments0.html

You can listen to the actual sound clip.

The startling revelation of fatherhood by Darth Vader (James Earl Jones, voice of David Prowse) to Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) in Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980) was not: "Luke, I am your father," but: "No. I am your father." [However, the trilogy's most famous line was never actually delivered by Vader - on the set, he really said: "Obi-Wan killed your father," but the line was secretly re-dubbed later.] Luke responds in horror: "No! No! That's not true. That's impossible."

Yes, I just went to the site and listeneded to the quote. However, I also just watched the actual movie. I'm going to take the movie over that web-site.

In the film "Dark City", whenever the Strangers are about to stop the city at midnight so that they can rearrange everything and change peoples' memories as needed, Mr. Book (Ian Richardson) says "Shut it down!"
This quote is immensely cool, because you can quote it every time you switch off your computer!
"Shut it down!"

Yes, I just went to the site and listeneded to the quote. However, I also just watched the actual movie. I'm going to take the movie over that web-site.

Ah, man! You made me get the movie out, fast forward to the part where Darth Vader gives the line, AND YOU KNEW I WAS RIGHT! He says, "No, I am your father." Your tape can't be any different than mine.

What gives?

Except that I just re-watched it again, and Vader again says: "No, Luke. I am your father!"

Either you're lying, or somebody shipped one of us faulty tapes.

Sheesh, guys. It's just a movie. Not like it's the end of the world or anything.

Anyways, I thought of another one just now.

(From 2001: A Space Odyssey)

Dave: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
HAL: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.

I picked this because it is the moment when Dave realizes that the supposidly "perfect" HAL 9000 computer has gone haywire on him. It's a turning point in the movie. The rest of it was very boring and slow, though. Don't care for it too much.

Still, though, Star Wars was my favorite quote. There are probably other I like more than this, but I can't think of them at the moment.

Except that I just re-watched it again, and Vader again says: "No, Luke. I am your father!"

Either you're lying, or somebody shipped one of us faulty tapes.

Riiiighht. :rolleyes:

How about a quote from a Jim Carey movie?

"A liar? I'm sure you don't mean a liar." - Liar Liar

Or maybe from Ladyhawke:

"It isn't polite to assume that someone is a liar when you've only just met them."

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montaya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Ingo Montaya, The Princess Bride

"Offer me money!"

"Yes!"

"Offer me power!"

"All I have and more!"

"Offer me everything I want!"

"Anything!"

"I want my father back you Son of a Bitch!"

The Princess Bride

Will Turner: This is either madness... or brilliance.
Jack Sparrow: It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide.