NationStates Jolt Archive

A LOT OF YOU HAVE BEEN BLAMING ME FOR A LOTS OF THINGS OVER THE YEARS AND SEEING AS I AM OMNISCIENT, OMNIPOTENT, OMNIPRESENT AND A LITTLE BIT BENEVOLENT I THOUGHT PERHAPS IT WOULD BE NICE TO GIVE YOU THE CHANCE TO ASK ME SOME QUESTIONS. ABOUT ANYTHING REALLY; LIFE, RELIGION, WHICH MAKE OF CAR IS THE BEST, WHO WILL I MAKE WIN THE OLYMPICS THIS TIME, WHAT COLOUR UNDERWEAR GEORGE BUSH JR WEARS TO CHURCH ON SUNDAYS, YOU KNOW, THAT SORT OF THING.

DON'T EXPECT ME TO ANSWER RIGHT AWAY. I AM GOD, YOU KNOW, AND THOSE PRAYERS DON'T JUST ANSWER THEMSELVES.

:mrgreen: hmm.... well i dont know how the mods will react to this but it should get interesting

Ug, people on this site can be religious and to insult christianinty is just plain wrong and sick!

MOD ALERT

don't you get pissed off about all the crap people do in your name?

why are you so hypocritical god?

Ug, people on this site can be religious and to insult christianinty is just plain wrong and sick!

MOD ALERT

how is this an insult to christianity? lots of religions have gods..

why are you so hypocritical god?

SORRY, I MAY BE OMNISCIENT BUT I ALWAYS FORGET WHAT I DID LAST WEEK. AM I DOING IT AGAIN?

Ug, people on this site can be religious and to insult christianinty is just plain wrong and sick!

MOD ALERT

how is this an insult to christianity? lots of religions have gods..

Yes, my bad, but most have different names and he specifically meant God, not Buddah or anything. This technically could be insulting to many people. I am christian so I tend to say stuff like that that isn't totally acurate so excuse me for a moment*beats head into keyboard*

*Bows down humble and such*

Oh Dear GOD!!! Why is it everyone I know is such a complete Dufos! Your omnipotant, could you spare a few extra brain power around our poor polluted world?

why are you so hypocritical god?

SORRY, I MAY BE OMNISCIENT BUT I ALWAYS FORGET WHAT I DID LAST WEEK. AM I DOING IT AGAIN?

No remember you said that your ways are above our ways your thoughts are above our thoughts. Some may see God as hypocritical but that is perhaps because our imtellect is limited.

would you explain the whole unleashing a plague upon the jews because an improper census was held thing?

:mrgreen: hmm.... well i dont know how the mods will react to this but it should get interesting

I'LL HAVE A FEW OF MY CHURCHES EXEMPT THEM FROM DONATIONS IS THEY LEAVE IT OPEN. CONDITIONS APPLY *

*Only valid until the apocalypse or when California gets a real Governor

Ug, people on this site can be religious and to insult christianinty is just plain wrong and sick!

MOD ALERT

how is this an insult to christianity? lots of religions have gods..

Yes, my bad, but most have different names and he specifically meant God, not Buddah or anything. This technically could be insulting to many people. I am christian so I tend to say stuff like that that isn't totally acurate so excuse me for a moment*beats head into keyboard*

SAY THREE HAIL MARYS AND PRAY FOR GOOD KARMA

*Bows down humble and such*

Oh Dear GOD!!! Why is it everyone I know is such a complete Dufos! Your omnipotant, could you spare a few extra brain power around our poor polluted world?

NOPE. YOU DON'T GO TO ANY RELIGIOUS GATHERINGS ENOUGH.

why are you so hypocritical god?

SORRY, I MAY BE OMNISCIENT BUT I ALWAYS FORGET WHAT I DID LAST WEEK. AM I DOING IT AGAIN?

No remember you said that your ways are above our ways your thoughts are above our thoughts. Some may see God as hypocritical but that is perhaps because our imtellect is limited.

YEAH, SORRY ABOUT THAT WHOLE LIMITED INTELLECT THING. I ONLY HAS SEVEN DAYS YOU KNOW.

OK, SO I SLEPT THROUGH THE SEVENTH DAY, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? PERSECUTE ME?

Oh dear God, I must ask a question that has plagued man for centuries.

Why do people drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

would you explain the whole unleashing a plague upon the jews because an improper census was held thing?

DARN. I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO ASK THAT. I JUST COULD GET A BLACK OUT IN YOUR AREA QUICK ENOUGH TO STOP YOU FROM TYPING IT. I HAVE THIS FRIEND CALLED MATTEW. GO ASK HIM. HE LIVES ON A BIG HILL.

Hehe.

Tell me God, I've always wondered, do you have a sense of humour?

God im putting you under citizens arrest for improper creation of mankind I think you know your rights.

Oh dear God, I must ask a question that has plagued man for centuries.

Why do people drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

WHY DO SHIPS CARRY CARGO AND VEHICLES CARRY SHIPMENTS?

why do find it neccessary to have babies born with horrible diseases? and why did you flood the entire earth destroying virtually all life instead of instructing jesus to rehabilitate the unbelievers?

why do find it neccessary to have babies born with horrible diseases? and why did you flood the entire earth destroying virtually all life instead of instructing jesus to rehabilitate the unbelievers?

Jesus hadn't been born yet. Duh.

oh ok then why didnt you bring jesus in to rehabilitate the non believers before the horrible flood?

Oh dear God, I must ask a question that has plagued man for centuries.

Why do people drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

WHY DO SHIPS CARRY CARGO AND VEHICLES CARRY SHIPMENTS?

Why ask me? My name is not God, I do not have the answers.

Anyway, cars carry cargo and vehicles carry shipments. They're the same thing with different names.

Is what I'm doing immoral and am I going to burn in hell for eternity for no discernable reason like some preachers tell me?

Are all priests/rabbi/ministers/whatever always speaking in your name?If not, can you not shut them up so they stop telling us how to live?

Thanks in advance.

Oh great and wondrous GOD...I, your humble servant, have a question for you.

If a tree falls in the forest, and the only person around is a mime...does the mime make a sound when the tree falls on him?

dear god, what do you think of these people that pretend to be you and of those who say they can talk to you????

Oh great and wondrous GOD...I, your humble servant, have a question for you.

If a tree falls in the forest, and the only person around is a mime...does the mime make a sound when the tree falls on him?

no one knows because you cant hear the mime......people has sensors to detect when a mime has been killed and they start laughing so hard nothing else can be heard

Hehe.

Tell me God, I've always wondered, do you have a sense of humour?

PROBABLY, THOUGH IT IS VERY POOR.

HAVE YOU HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE CHICKEN CROSSING THE ROAD YET?

Why are you yelling?

God,
I have two questions.

1. why have millions of people been killed in your name, and terror, and rape,and desacration of priceless historical treasures all been destroyed....suppossedly just to please you...?

2. Why would I ask you anything when I can...ASK THE SQUATCH!
(Hes WAY funnier than you are)

God im putting you under citizens arrest for improper creation of mankind I think you know your rights.

DON'T MAKE ME TELL EVERYONE ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE DOING LAST NIGHT WITH THAT RABBIT.

God im putting you under citizens arrest for improper creation of mankind I think you know your rights.

DON'T MAKE ME TELL EVERYONE ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE DOING LAST NIGHT WITH THAT RABBIT.

You made me do it......and you made me enjoy it.......horrible deity.

why do find it neccessary to have babies born with horrible diseases? and why did you flood the entire earth destroying virtually all life instead of instructing jesus to rehabilitate the unbelievers?

Jesus hadn't been born yet. Duh.

NO, JESUS HAS BEEN A BAD BOY. HE DIDN'T CONVERT ENOUGH PEOPLE IN HIS TIME ON EARTH. HE'S GROUNDED FOR THE NEXT FEW HUNDRED YEARS. I'LL LET HIM COME AND PLAY IN THE YEAR 2600.

You're not God. God is too smart too use Caps Lock every time.

Well. Just to see how you'll answer:

If you're all knowing and the true God right here, you will know future events. Who will win the US elections this year?

Is what I'm doing immoral and am I going to burn in hell for eternity for no discernable reason like some preachers tell me?
NO, YOU'LL BE RIGHT. JUST STAY AWAY FROM CHEESE IN THE FUTURE.

Are all priests/rabbi/ministers/whatever always speaking in your name?If not, can you not shut them up so they stop telling us how to live?
I TOLD THEM THEY COULD DO THAT, BUT ONLY IF THEY WERE GOOD. SOME HAVE BEEN BAD. I THINK I'LL HAVE TO GIVE THEM SOME SORT OF INCURABLE DISEASE... FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
Thanks in advance.


YOUR WELCOME

wasn't is Judas's destiny to betray god? and wasnt he only fulfilling that destiny? so why did you send him to the lowest depths of hell?

Oh great and wondrous GOD...I, your humble servant, have a question for you.

If a tree falls in the forest, and the only person around is a mime...does the mime make a sound when the tree falls on him?

OF COURSE HE DOES. HE GOES SPLAT, SQUISH, AND CRUNCHES A LITTLE. IT ALSO DEPENDS ON THE SIZE OF THE TREE.

dear god, what do you think of these people that pretend to be you and of those who say they can talk to you????

THANK ME FOR THOSE GUYS! SOME OF YOU PEOPLE BELIEVE THEM AND SO YOU STOP BOTHERING ME. IT GIVES ME TIME TO UNLEASH MORE VENERAL DISEASES UPON COURTNEY LOVE.

NO, YOU'LL BE RIGHT. JUST STAY AWAY FROM CHEESE IN THE FUTURE.

I TOLD THEM THEY COULD DO THAT, BUT ONLY IF THEY WERE GOOD. SOME HAVE BEEN BAD. I THINK I'LL HAVE TO GIVE THEM SOME SORT OF INCURABLE DISEASE... FOR A LITTLE WHILE.


I'll keep the cheese part in mind. That's certainly a lot different than what we usually hear by your so-called spokespersons :-P Please make their disease very very painful and preferably disfiguring(I'm sure you can invent something new that qualifies pretty quickly).

Oh, and another question : do you REALLY care whatever we do in our sex lives(as long as it's between consenting adults, of course. With cheese fetish being the obvious exception.)? I somehow can't believe you'd be a perv, but who knows?

Why are you yelling?

SORRY, WELDER, IT IS MY BIG BOOMING VOICE THAT ECHOS INSIDE YOUR HEAD AND TELLS YOU TO LOOK UP PORN ON OLD PEOPLE ON YOU COMPUTER.

dear god, what do you think of these people that pretend to be you and of those who say they can talk to you????

THANK ME FOR THOSE GUYS! SOME OF YOU PEOPLE BELIEVE THEM AND SO YOU STOP BOTHERING ME. IT GIVES ME TIME TO UNLEASH MORE VENERAL DISEASES UPON COURTNEY LOVE.

How many does she have now?

Is being god a surefire panty dropper?

God,
I have two questions.
ASK AWAY.

1. why have millions of people been killed in your name, and terror, and rape,and desacration of priceless historical treasures all been destroyed....suppossedly just to please you...?
CAN I BLAME IT ON SATAN? WHAT ABOUT JESUS?

2. Why would I ask you anything when I can...ASK THE SQUATCH!
(Hes WAY funnier than you are)

SELF PROMOTION IS A ONE WAY TICKET TO HELL. WHY AREN'T I THERE YET?

You people and your christianity, be a diest or naturalist.

You're not God. God is too smart too use Caps Lock every time.

INFIDEL

Well. Just to see how you'll answer:

If you're all knowing and the true God right here, you will know future events. Who will win the US elections this year?

LITTLE GEORGE BUSH AGAIN. I MADE AMERICA TOO FULL OF REDNECKS

How bout this since I know who you really are. Can I have a kiss babe?

*Leans in.*

Oh Mighty One, whose light fills the universe, yadda yadda, yadda.

I have asked this question of many people, and recieved many different answers.

If the corporation I act as a junior lawyer for sold weapons to the nazis, has products which cause the growth of extra genitalia in rats, and cause portions of the environment to turn purple, may we charge extra for quality?

do you REALLY care whatever we do in our sex lives(as long as it's between consenting adults, of course. With cheese fetish being the obvious exception.)? I somehow can't believe you'd be a perv, but who knows?

WELL, A WHILE AGO I WAS AGAINST IT. BUT I'M A NEW AGE GOD AND "DOWN" WITH THAT SORT OF THING. IF YOUR SEXUAL PREFENCE IS MALE, FEMALE OR EVEN GOAT, I CAN ACCEPT THAT. PRIESTS ARE JUST COMPLAINING BECAUSE I WON'T LET THEM DO IT. IT'S AN OLD FASHIONED CASE OF JEALOSY.

dear god, what do you think of these people that pretend to be you and of those who say they can talk to you????

THANK ME FOR THOSE GUYS! SOME OF YOU PEOPLE BELIEVE THEM AND SO YOU STOP BOTHERING ME. IT GIVES ME TIME TO UNLEASH MORE VENERAL DISEASES UPON COURTNEY LOVE.

How many does she have now?


4, BUT I'LL GIVE HER ONE MORE FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN GOOD.

How bout this since I know who you really are. Can I have a kiss babe?

*Leans in.*

Is being god a surefire panty dropper?

I GET A LOT OF SAINTS WHO THINK I'M HOT, BUT MADONNA SEEMS TO LIKE ME A LOT, SO I DID HER A FAVOUR BY CONVERTING HER TO KABBALAH.

How bout this since I know who you really are. Can I have a kiss babe?

*Leans in.*

TALK TO JESUS. HE LOVES YOU

:wink:

WHY DO SHIPS CARRY CARGO AND VEHICLES CARRY SHIPMENTS? :shock: Ooooo.. Wise are his ways!

Oh GOD! Why do men have nipples?

Dear almighty one, why do so many comedians rely on race jokes to get laughs?

How bout this since I know who you really are. Can I have a kiss babe?

*Leans in.*

TALK TO JESUS. HE LOVES YOU

:wink:

But I love you Viper.

*Kisses her.*

Oh Mighty One, whose light fills the universe, yadda yadda, yadda.

I have asked this question of many people, and recieved many different answers.

If the corporation I act as a junior lawyer for sold weapons to the nazis, has products which cause the growth of extra genitalia in rats, and cause portions of the environment to turn purple, may we charge extra for quality?

SURE. I'LL TURN THE NAZIS INTO NEO-HIPPIES, RATS NEED MORE GENITALS AND I LIKE PURPLE ANYWAY. DONE AND DONE.

WHY DO SHIPS CARRY CARGO AND VEHICLES CARRY SHIPMENTS? :shock: Ooooo.. Wise are his ways!

Oh GOD! Why do men have nipples?

SO MANKIND CAN MAKE SAYINGS LIKE "ITS AS USELESS AS NIPPLES ON MEN".

Dear almighty one, why do so many comedians rely on race jokes to get laughs?

BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT ORIGINAL AND "BORROW" THEIR JOKES FROM RACISTS.

:roll: This is just what I needed to see in here! I'm in the middle of a Terry Pratchett book. 8)

Hey there, GOD; I noticed that you speak ENGLISH English, e.g. "colour". I sort of figured that if you spoke English at all, it'd be Oxford English. :lol:

I find in intresting that God appears to be a Nirvana fan...

I find in intresting that God appears to be a Nirvana fan...

Well, I've always described Nirvana as "heavenly."

Oh God please tell me. If i spin around an oreintal person does he become disoreinted. Also have you ever got in a fight with another god like Buddha or somethin.

Dear God,
If you got into a fight with Lemmy,
How badly would he beat you?

Dear God,
What is the meaning of life? I'd answer turthfully, becuase the answer is simple...

Dear God,
What is the meaning of life? I'd answer turthfully, becuase the answer is simple...

42

:roll: This is just what I needed to see in here! I'm in the middle of a Terry Pratchett book. 8)

Hey there, GOD; I noticed that you speak ENGLISH English, e.g. "colour". I sort of figured that if you spoke English at all, it'd be Oxford English. :lol:

PRATCHETT WOULD MAKE A GOOD GOD. DO YOU THINK I COULD PERSUADE HIM?

AND AS FOR THE WAY I SPELL. MY WAY IS OF COURSE THE RIGHT WAY ABOUT IT. ALL THOSE DAMN ATHEISTS RUNNING AROUND TRYING TO BE DIFFERENT. WE'LL SEE WHO'S STILL ALIVE WHEN THE APOCALYPSE COMES.

I find in intresting that God appears to be a Nirvana fan...

ACTUALLY, I'M MORE FOND OF BANDS WHO WHERE SOCKS ON THEIR APENDAGES. BUT NIRVANA HAS A PLACE IN HEAVEN.

OH, AND KURT SAYS HELLO. HE WANTS TO BE WORSHIPPED MORE. PERHAPS A SMALL SHRINE IN SEATTLE.

I find in intresting that God appears to be a Nirvana fan...

ACTUALLY, I'M MORE FOND OF BANDS WHO WHERE SOCKS ON THEIR APENDAGES. BUT NIRVANA HAS A PLACE IN HEAVEN.

OH, AND KURT SAYS HELLO. HE WANTS TO BE WORSHIPPED MORE. PERHAPS A SMALL SHRINE IN SEATTLE.

Would you be talkign about the Chili Peppers?

Ahhh...I think I'm going to go over to the Estruscian gods booth now...

Who would win in a fight between Zeus and Jupiter?

OH, AND KURT SAYS HELLO. HE WANTS TO BE WORSHIPPED MORE. PERHAPS A SMALL SHRINE IN SEATTLE.

He does, I believe.

Oh God please tell me. If i spin around an oreintal person does he become disoreinted. Also have you ever got in a fight with another god like Buddha or somethin.

IF YOU RAN AROUND AN "ORIENTAL PERSON" HE OR SHE (OR IT DOR THAT MATTER) WOULD DECK YOU FOR BEING AN IDIOT.

Dear God,
If you got into a fight with Lemmy,
How badly would he beat you?

IF HE HAS A BIG STICK, NOT A LOT. BUT I BRUISE EASILY. I'D GET HIM BACK LATER WITH A PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS OR MORMONS

Dear God,
What is the meaning of life? I'd answer turthfully, becuase the answer is simple...

SEX. AND LOTS OF IT. I WANT MORE PEOPLE!

Ahhh...I think I'm going to go over to the Estruscian gods booth now...

INCESTUOUS LOT...

Dear God,
What is the meaning of life? I'd answer turthfully, becuase the answer is simple...

SEX. AND LOTS OF IT. I WANT MORE PEOPLE!

What about all the overpopulation hippies harp about occasionally?

Who would win in a fight between Zeus and Jupiter?

JUPITER IS THE GOD OF RAIN AND AGRICULTURE. HE DOESN'T DO MUCH. JUST SITS AROUND AND WATCHES THE GRASS GROW.

ZEUS HAS BIG BLOODY LIGHTNING BOLTS THAT'LL FRY JUPITER GOOD.

PUT YOUR MONEY ON ZEUS

I find in intresting that God appears to be a Nirvana fan...

ACTUALLY, I'M MORE FOND OF BANDS WHO WHERE SOCKS ON THEIR APENDAGES. BUT NIRVANA HAS A PLACE IN HEAVEN.

OH, AND KURT SAYS HELLO. HE WANTS TO BE WORSHIPPED MORE. PERHAPS A SMALL SHRINE IN SEATTLE.

Would you be talkign about the Chili Peppers?

YES, NOTHING LIKE A FEW BEINGS MADE IN MY IMAGE WHO LIKE RUNNING AROUND WITHOUT CLOTHING. THAT'S WHY I WAS ALWAYS FOND OF THE GOOD OLD GREEK OLYMPICS.

Dear God,
What is the meaning of life? I'd answer turthfully, becuase the answer is simple...

SEX. AND LOTS OF IT. I WANT MORE PEOPLE!

What about all the overpopulation hippies harp about occasionally?

HIPPIES ARE ALSO HYPOCRITES. THEY CREATED THE OVERPOPULATION. ALL THAT FREE LOVING.

Hmmm...wait I thought the answer was SEX so then how are hippies wrong??

Hmmm...wait I thought the answer was SEX so then how are hippies wrong??

I DIDN'T SAYING THE HIPPIES WERE WRONG.

HERE'S A MESSAGE FOR ALL OF YOU.

HAVE. MORE. SEX.

More SEX= 0.25 more Kids (for heterosex at least) per couple = more Overpopulation...

Alright question. Why did Viper have to leave?

Alright question. Why did Viper have to leave?

VIPER HAD TO GO TO TWO DIFFERNET LIBRARIES IN THE SPACE OF AN HOUR TO PICK UP BOOKS FOR A CRAPPY PROJECT.

I THINK I'LL STALK HER.
I'LL ANSWER MORE QUESTIONS ON MONDAY. MAKE THEM GOOD.

Hmmm...wait I thought the answer was SEX so then how are hippies wrong??

I DIDN'T SAYING THE HIPPIES WERE WRONG.

HERE'S A MESSAGE FOR ALL OF YOU.

HAVE. MORE. SEX.


With those words i dont hate you so muchanymore

Dear God,

As you know, because you know everything, and I talk to you all the time, I am dating a nice Christian man. You also I fear, are aware that we have been fornicating outside the confines of marriage. Being a Christian, he feels he can simply ask for forgiveness for his sins, and all is right with his soul. My problem is, I am not Christian. I ask for your forgiveness, but as you know, I was born into one of those "other" religions, where you have to actually obey the 10 comandments, and not sin in order to go to heaven. So.. am I.. pardon the term, screwed?

-On bended knee,
your humble servent,
Cornflake Girl

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop ?

Dear God,

As you know, because you know everything, and I talk to you all the time, I am dating a nice Christian man. You also I fear, are aware that we have been fornicating outside the confines of marriage. Being a Christian, he feels he can simply ask for forgiveness for his sins, and all is right with his soul. My problem is, I am not Christian. I ask for your forgiveness, but as you know, I was born into one of those "other" religions, where you have to actually obey the 10 comandments, and not sin in order to go to heaven. So.. am I.. pardon the term, screwed?

-On bended knee,
your humble servent,
Cornflake Girl

Oh I wish I could give my opinion....I really need to change my name to GOD...wait then I'd be like this idiot....never mind...

Dear God,

As you know, because you know everything, and I talk to you all the time, I am dating a nice Christian man. You also I fear, are aware that we have been fornicating outside the confines of marriage. Being a Christian, he feels he can simply ask for forgiveness for his sins, and all is right with his soul. My problem is, I am not Christian. I ask for your forgiveness, but as you know, I was born into one of those "other" religions, where you have to actually obey the 10 comandments, and not sin in order to go to heaven. So.. am I.. pardon the term, screwed?

-On bended knee,
your humble servent,
Cornflake Girl

Oh I wish I could give my opinion....I really need to change my name to GOD...wait then I'd be like this idiot....never mind...


I'd take your opinion too, even though you just called God an idiot. :shock:

Dear God,

As you know, because you know everything, and I talk to you all the time, I am dating a nice Christian man. You also I fear, are aware that we have been fornicating outside the confines of marriage. Being a Christian, he feels he can simply ask for forgiveness for his sins, and all is right with his soul. My problem is, I am not Christian. I ask for your forgiveness, but as you know, I was born into one of those "other" religions, where you have to actually obey the 10 comandments, and not sin in order to go to heaven. So.. am I.. pardon the term, screwed?

-On bended knee,
your humble servent,
Cornflake Girl

This may be the funniest thing I have ever seen on nationstates (aside from Sozo's jokes)

Dear God,

As you know, because you know everything, and I talk to you all the time, I am dating a nice Christian man. You also I fear, are aware that we have been fornicating outside the confines of marriage. Being a Christian, he feels he can simply ask for forgiveness for his sins, and all is right with his soul. My problem is, I am not Christian. I ask for your forgiveness, but as you know, I was born into one of those "other" religions, where you have to actually obey the 10 comandments, and not sin in order to go to heaven. So.. am I.. pardon the term, screwed?

-On bended knee,
your humble servent,
Cornflake Girl

This may be the funniest thing I have ever seen on nationstates (aside from Sozo's jokes)

My one and only fan

Well. Just to see how you'll answer:

If you're all knowing and the true God right here, you will know future events. Who will win the US elections this year?

LITTLE GEORGE BUSH AGAIN. I MADE AMERICA TOO FULL OF REDNECKS

I respect your oppinions.

Dear G O D, I'm enjoying this thread! Please keep it going. It's such a relief, not having to be the only one around who knows everything. 8)

G O D, I'd bet that Terry Pratchett thinks you're doing a fine job of mucking things up, all by yourself - and he appreciates it; gives him lots to write about. :lol:

Dear God,

As you know, because you know everything, and I talk to you all the time, I am dating a nice Christian man. You also I fear, are aware that we have been fornicating outside the confines of marriage. Being a Christian, he feels he can simply ask for forgiveness for his sins, and all is right with his soul. My problem is, I am not Christian. I ask for your forgiveness, but as you know, I was born into one of those "other" religions, where you have to actually obey the 10 comandments, and not sin in order to go to heaven. So.. am I.. pardon the term, screwed?

-On bended knee,
your humble servent,
Cornflake Girl

I LIKE CORNFLAKES. AND BECAUSE YOUR NAME IS CORNFLAKE GIRL, CAN I ASSUME YOU ARE MADE OUT OF CORNFLAKES? OF COURSE YOU ARE. THAT MAKES YOU EXTRA TASTY, NOT ONLY IN MY EYES BUT THE EYES OF YOUR BOYFRIEND. HENCE WHO COULD BLAME HIM FOR ENJOYING THE PLEASURES OF CORNFLAKES?

YOUR BOTH EXCUSED. IN FACT, I DEMAND YOU HAVE MORE SEX, AND THAT YOUR FIRST BASTARD CHILD BE NAMED AFTER ME.

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop ?

THREE IF YOU HAVE A REALLY BIG TONGUE

Oh I wish I could give my opinion....I really need to change my name to GOD...wait then I'd be like this idiot....never mind...

YOU'D BE DISOBEYING ONE OF THE THREE COMMANDMENTS IF YOU DID. YOU KNOW, THE ONE ABOUT NOT WORSHIPPING FALSE IDOLS, YOU CAN ONLY WORSHIP ME AND A FEW OF THE OTHER RELIGIONS' DEITIES. SO YOU CAN'T TURN YOURSELF INTO A GOD AND WORSHIP YOURSELF.
I'D HAVE TO HAND YOU OVER TO SATAN IF YOU DID.

BAD SOZO!

Dear G O D, I'm enjoying this thread! Please keep it going. It's such a relief, not having to be the only one around who knows everything. 8)

G O D, I'd bet that Terry Pratchett thinks you're doing a fine job of mucking things up, all by yourself - and he appreciates it; gives him lots to write about. :lol:

STOP IT, I'M BLUSHING. HE SAID I AM THE INSPIRATION FOR THE GODS OF THE DISCWORLD. RINCEWIND EVEN HAS A BIT OF ME IN HIM. I DON'T KNOW WHO IS DOING WHO JUSTICE THERE.

Dear GOD,

Can I have a Kim Possible action figure, the kind with the magnets in the hands and feet? I have been a very good girl this year, and was only mean to my brothers and sisters when they deserved it.

I think you are the best GOD ever.

Love,
Luna

P.S. I have left milk and cookies for you on the counter.

I have an excellent philosophimacal question for ya:

A/S/L?

:lol:

Dear god,

I've been praying for a bike for about five years now and you still haven't answered my prayer. After a lot of soul searching and trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, I figured out that you don't work that way. So, today I went out and stole one. I pray that you forgive me.

whoever this person is that made this nation is definitally gonna get struck down or something, claiming to be god hes askin 4 it.... just wait

Dear God...

I really hate my nations President..

But..Im even more tired of hearing the endless dabates wherein neither side is willing to listen to the other....
What should I do?

Hey God, I don't really believe in you.... but.... can you do my Mech Eng project for me?

From Viper

PS, it's due on Wednesday.

Dear GOD,

Can I have a Kim Possible action figure, the kind with the magnets in the hands and feet? I have been a very good girl this year, and was only mean to my brothers and sisters when they deserved it.

I think you are the best GOD ever.

Love,
Luna

P.S. I have left milk and cookies for you on the counter.

I THINK WE HAVE AN IDENTITY CRISIS HERE. I'M GOD, YOU KNOW, THE ONE YOU VISIT ON SUNDAYS AND MAKE SACRIFICES TO ON EVERY FULL M.... WHAT? OH DON'T WE DO THAT ANY MORE? EQUAL RIGHTS?
OK, SO JUST VISIT ME ON SUNDAY AND GROVEL ON YOUR FEEL EVERY TIME YOU HEAR OR SEE MY NAME.

MY POINT IS I'M NOT SANTA. I ONLY HAVE ANGELS DOING MY BIDDING. I CAN'T AFFORD ELF LABOUR. TALK TO SANTA. TELL HIM GOD SENT YOU. I THINK HE'S IN THE BAHAMAS THIS TIME OF YEAR.

I have an excellent philosophimacal question for ya:

A/S/L?

:lol:
Using my amazing psychic powers, I bet the answers are:
infinite
yes, please!
everywhere

I have an excellent philosophimacal question for ya:

A/S/L?

:lol:

ALL AND NONE

Dear god,

I've been praying for a bike for about five years now and you still haven't answered my prayer. After a lot of soul searching and trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, I figured out that you don't work that way. So, today I went out and stole one. I pray that you forgive me.

I WAS GOING TO GIVE YOU ONE ON FRIDAY. I DIDN'T HAVE ANY MONEY. I SPENT IT ALL ON SPARKLERS. SPARKLERS ARE SO... UM YES SO YOU HAVE BEEN BAD. BUT, KEEP THE BIKE AND HAVE YOUR FRIENDS RUN OVER YOUR HANDS WITH IT TO TEACH YOU A LESSON.

whoever this person is that made this nation is definitally gonna get struck down or something, claiming to be god hes askin 4 it.... just wait

YES, WONT I BE INTROUBLE WITH MYSELF. JUST WAIT TIL I FIND OUT WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING THEN SMACK!RIGHT OUT OF NOWHERE I'LL SMITE MYSELF.

THAT'LL TEACH ME TO IMITATE ME.

Dear God...

I really hate my nations President..

But..Im even more tired of hearing the endless dabates wherein neither side is willing to listen to the other....
What should I do?

WELL I'VE ALWAYS CONDONED THE USE OF PLANKS OF TIMBER WITH NAILS IN IT. BUT ONLY IF YOUR INTO THAT SORT OF THING...

Hey God, I don't really believe in you.... but.... can you do my Mech Eng project for me?

From Viper

PS, it's due on Wednesday.

HOW MUCH MONEY HAVE YOU GOT?

Hi dad.

Hi dad.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN HERE? I THOUGHT I GROUNDED YOU TIL 2600 FOR THAT INCIDENT 2000 YEARS AGO. DON'T MAKE ME GET MARY.

Ok , Ok , I am comming home....

I just wanted to pick up some beer and go to a Phish show.......

Please God, watch over my family's health.

Oh and why do men have nipples?

Hi dad.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN HERE? I THOUGHT I GROUNDED YOU TIL 2600 FOR THAT INCIDENT 2000 YEARS AGO. DON'T MAKE ME GET MARY.

lmao

bizzump

Please God, watch over my family's health.

Oh and why do men have nipples?

I ANSWERED THAT ON PAGE THREE. WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE BE MORE OMNISCIENT?

Why does God have such poor spelling? It's really obvious on page 1

Please God, watch over my family's health.

Oh and why do men have nipples?

I ANSWERED THAT ON PAGE THREE. WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE BE MORE OMNISCIENT?

You so did not!

Please God, watch over my family's health.

Oh and why do men have nipples?

I ANSWERED THAT ON PAGE THREE. WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE BE MORE OMNISCIENT?

You so did not!

Oh nowwwww you edit it... Some God... I should resort to Paganism.

Why are boobs so good?

Why does God have such poor spelling? It's really obvious on page 1

IT WAS SATURDAY. I WAS GETTING READY TO SLEEP ON SUNDAY. HOW CAN YOU EXPECT MY SPELLING TO BE AT ITS GODLY BEST THEN?

Please God, watch over my family's health.

Oh and why do men have nipples?

I ANSWERED THAT ON PAGE THREE. WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE BE MORE OMNISCIENT?

You so did not!

Oh nowwwww you edit it... Some God... I should resort to Paganism.

DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE AND SMITE YOU.

Please God, watch over my family's health.

Oh and why do men have nipples?

I ANSWERED THAT ON PAGE THREE. WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE BE MORE OMNISCIENT?

You so did not!

Oh nowwwww you edit it... Some God... I should resort to Paganism.

DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE AND SMITE YOU.

A holy war? BRING IT ON!

Why are boobs so good?

IT'S A FROM OF HYPNOTISM THAT THE WOMEN HAVE. HOW DO YOU THINK EVE GOT ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE WHEN HE'S ALLERGIC TO THEM?

Please God, watch over my family's health.

Oh and why do men have nipples?

I ANSWERED THAT ON PAGE THREE. WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE BE MORE OMNISCIENT?

You so did not!

Oh nowwwww you edit it... Some God... I should resort to Paganism.

DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE AND SMITE YOU.

A holy war? BRING IT ON!*grabs the popcorn* Gah, this is getting boring *feels a STRONG GRIP grab his remote and obliterate it* O_O

God, do you call a baby born to a Kurd mother and a Turkish father a Turd?

Why are boobs so good?

IT'S A FROM OF HYPNOTISM THAT THE WOMEN HAVE. HOW DO YOU THINK EVE GOT ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE WHEN HE'S ALLERGIC TO THEM?Sorry, God, but I hate to say that YOU ARE WRONG. Breasts are "good" because they are taboo in our society, and thus, this makes them objects of lust. Nothing more, nothing less.

GOD-PWNING INITIATED.

God, do you call a baby born to a Kurd mother and a Turkish father a Turd?

KURKISH TURD

Why are boobs so good?

IT'S A FROM OF HYPNOTISM THAT THE WOMEN HAVE. HOW DO YOU THINK EVE GOT ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE WHEN HE'S ALLERGIC TO THEM?Sorry, God, but I hate to say that YOU ARE WRONG. Breasts are "good" because they are taboo in our society, and thus, this makes them objects of lust. Nothing more, nothing less.

GOD-PWNING INITIATED.

**Prays for lightning to smite Terra**

Why are boobs so good?

IT'S A FROM OF HYPNOTISM THAT THE WOMEN HAVE. HOW DO YOU THINK EVE GOT ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE WHEN HE'S ALLERGIC TO THEM?Sorry, God, but I hate to say that YOU ARE WRONG. Breasts are "good" because they are taboo in our society, and thus, this makes them objects of lust. Nothing more, nothing less.

GOD-PWNING INITIATED.

youre both wrong breasts are good because they're happy bouncy balls of fun

Why are boobs so good?

IT'S A FROM OF HYPNOTISM THAT THE WOMEN HAVE. HOW DO YOU THINK EVE GOT ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE WHEN HE'S ALLERGIC TO THEM?Sorry, God, but I hate to say that YOU ARE WRONG. Breasts are "good" because they are taboo in our society, and thus, this makes them objects of lust. Nothing more, nothing less.

GOD-PWNING INITIATED.

youre both wrong breasts are good because they're happy bouncy balls of fun

I WAS GOING TO ADD THAT. THAT'S WHY THEY ARE SO HYPNOTIC. IT'S THEIR BOUNCY QUALITIES. I THINK I DID A RATHER GOOD JOB ON...MOST OF THEM. I SHOULD GIVE MYSELF A PAIR.

Why are boobs so good?

IT'S A FROM OF HYPNOTISM THAT THE WOMEN HAVE. HOW DO YOU THINK EVE GOT ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE WHEN HE'S ALLERGIC TO THEM?Sorry, God, but I hate to say that YOU ARE WRONG. Breasts are "good" because they are taboo in our society, and thus, this makes them objects of lust. Nothing more, nothing less.

GOD-PWNING INITIATED.

youre both wrong breasts are good because they're happy bouncy balls of funIncorrect. Perhaps you are simply ignorant of the effect of taboos, I have yet to determine.

Why are boobs so good?

IT'S A FROM OF HYPNOTISM THAT THE WOMEN HAVE. HOW DO YOU THINK EVE GOT ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE WHEN HE'S ALLERGIC TO THEM?Sorry, God, but I hate to say that YOU ARE WRONG. Breasts are "good" because they are taboo in our society, and thus, this makes them objects of lust. Nothing more, nothing less.

GOD-PWNING INITIATED.

youre both wrong breasts are good because they're happy bouncy balls of fun

I WAS GOING TO ADD THAT. THAT'S WHY THEY ARE SO HYPNOTIC. IT'S THEIR BOUNCY QUALITIES. I THINK I DID A RATHER GOOD JOB ON...MOST OF THEM. I SHOULD GIVE MYSELF A PAIR.


NOOOOO!!!!! If you did that I would never hear the end of the wiccan's gloating....

Why are boobs so good?

IT'S A FROM OF HYPNOTISM THAT THE WOMEN HAVE. HOW DO YOU THINK EVE GOT ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE WHEN HE'S ALLERGIC TO THEM?Sorry, God, but I hate to say that YOU ARE WRONG. Breasts are "good" because they are taboo in our society, and thus, this makes them objects of lust. Nothing more, nothing less.

GOD-PWNING INITIATED.

youre both wrong breasts are good because they're happy bouncy balls of funIncorrect. Perhaps you are simply ignorant of the effect of taboos, I have yet to determine.


I see you have studied the zen of breasts. You are forgiven.

Why are boobs so good?

IT'S A FROM OF HYPNOTISM THAT THE WOMEN HAVE. HOW DO YOU THINK EVE GOT ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE WHEN HE'S ALLERGIC TO THEM?Sorry, God, but I hate to say that YOU ARE WRONG. Breasts are "good" because they are taboo in our society, and thus, this makes them objects of lust. Nothing more, nothing less.

GOD-PWNING INITIATED.

youre both wrong breasts are good because they're happy bouncy balls of fun

I WAS GOING TO ADD THAT. THAT'S WHY THEY ARE SO HYPNOTIC. IT'S THEIR BOUNCY QUALITIES. I THINK I DID A RATHER GOOD JOB ON...MOST OF THEM. I SHOULD GIVE MYSELF A PAIR."-G O D-", that is pathetic. If anyone believed truly that this was you, and had any pride, dignity, and respect, they would have lost all faith in you right now. I don't believe in you. I never have, and I never will. Typical men, giving the rest of us dignifiable men a bad look.

Terra, don't you have anything better to do other than be cynical?

I AM NEITHER MAN NOR WOMAN. I MIGHT BE A HERMAPHRODITE.

I AM NEITHER MAN NOR WOMAN. I MIGHT BE A HERMAPHRODITE.

or maybe like in Dogma, you just have a bump of nothing.

Terra, don't you have anything better to do other than be cynical?

THOSE WITHOUT FAITH GET MUTTON FOR BREAKFAST

Why are boobs so good?

IT'S A FROM OF HYPNOTISM THAT THE WOMEN HAVE. HOW DO YOU THINK EVE GOT ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE WHEN HE'S ALLERGIC TO THEM?Sorry, God, but I hate to say that YOU ARE WRONG. Breasts are "good" because they are taboo in our society, and thus, this makes them objects of lust. Nothing more, nothing less.

GOD-PWNING INITIATED.

youre both wrong breasts are good because they're happy bouncy balls of funIncorrect. Perhaps you are simply ignorant of the effect of taboos, I have yet to determine.


I see you have studied the zen of breasts. You are forgiven.Bah, humbug. I refuse to take you seriously unless you point out otherwise. I am in no need of "forgiveness". As for you, Elvendair, cynicality comes naturally to me now. Plus, I'm getting sick of this "GOD" thread.

Then stop posting!

if I restore my faith in you can i get like 30 women maybe some blondes and red heads nice plump boobs but not to big tight ass? what do you say?

Then stop posting!I would, but this is rather entertaining. :P

God, what's heaven like?

Then stop posting!I would, but this is rather entertaining. :P

hypocrite...

God, why is it so hard to find contrabass reeds for the contra's mouthpiece? It's so hard to find good ones and if I do, they're upwards of ten dollars a reed.

if I restore my faith in you can i get like 30 women maybe some blondes and red heads nice plump boobs but not to big tight ass? what do you say?

SORRY, WRONG FAITH. I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU ETERNAL HAPPINESS, BUT IT'S DIDDLEY WITHOUT THE NAKED CHICKS.

if I restore my faith in you can i get like 30 women maybe some blondes and red heads nice plump boobs but not to big tight ass? what do you say?

SORRY, WRONG FAITH. I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU ETERNAL HAPPINESS, BUT IT'S DIDDLEY WITHOUT THE NAKED CHICKS.


then can you maybe point me to the false god who can do this for me i dont really care if its at the cost of my eternal soul

Then stop posting!I would, but this is rather entertaining. :P

hypocrite...Here's the thing. I was getting fed up with this "-G O D-" person, so I decided to start fighting God with logic. Make sense?

God, what's heaven like?

RATHER DIRTY AT THE MOMENT. SAINT PATRICK HAS A PARTY THE OTHER WEEK. THE OTHER SAINTS ARE STILL TRYING TO GET THE GREEN OUT OF THE UPHOLSTERY.

God? Why did you take my first puppy away all those years ago?

God, what's heaven like?

RATHER DIRTY AT THE MOMENT. SAINT PATRICK HAS A PARTY THE OTHER WEEK. THE OTHER SAINTS ARE STILL TRYING TO GET THE GREEN OUT OF THE UPHOLSTERY.

How's St. Valentine?

God, why is it so hard to find contrabass reeds for the contra's mouthpiece? It's so hard to find good ones and if I do, they're upwards of ten dollars a reed.

BECAUSE THE CLARINET GNOMES HAVE STOLEN THEM.

CONTRABASS REEDS + SOMETHING = PROFIT

if I restore my faith in you can i get like 30 women maybe some blondes and red heads nice plump boobs but not to big tight ass? what do you say?

SORRY, WRONG FAITH. I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU ETERNAL HAPPINESS, BUT IT'S DIDDLEY WITHOUT THE NAKED CHICKS.


then can you maybe point me to the false god who can do this for me i dont really care if its at the cost of my eternal soul

SATAN IS ALWAYS GOOD WITH THAT SORT OF THING. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SAY "I'D SELL MY SOUL FOR SOME NAKED CHICKS RIGHT NOW".

God, why is it so hard to find contrabass reeds for the contra's mouthpiece? It's so hard to find good ones and if I do, they're upwards of ten dollars a reed.

BECAUSE THE CLARINET GNOMES HAVE STOLEN THEM.

CONTRABASS REEDS + SOMETHING = PROFIT

Darn gnomes, I knew they were up to something. Can you smite them for me? I'll be your best friend forever and ever and ever!!!

why can't you sell your soul to God?

You see satan you could learn a thing or two from satan........and i assume satan is also the kegger god?

Then stop posting!I would, but this is rather entertaining. :P

hypocrite...Here's the thing. I was getting fed up with this "-G O D-" person, so I decided to start fighting God with logic. Make sense?

LOGIC HAS NO PLACE IN RELIGION

God? Why did you take my first puppy away all those years ago?

SORRY, IT WAS SO CUTE, I WANTED IT. DON'T WORRY, I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU BY MAKING SURE YOU BECOME A PILOT.

Ug, people on this site can be religious and to insult christianinty is just plain wrong and sick!

MOD ALERT

calm down you silly little cultist. why don't you just shut the hell up and turn the other cheek, like jesus would.

or better yet, research your mythology so you can better understand why it is so apparent to 75% of the world that it's a load of crap.

some starts for searching:
mithraism
council of niscea
cult of pythagoras

God, what's heaven like?

RATHER DIRTY AT THE MOMENT. SAINT PATRICK HAS A PARTY THE OTHER WEEK. THE OTHER SAINTS ARE STILL TRYING TO GET THE GREEN OUT OF THE UPHOLSTERY.

How's St. Valentine?

HE DISAPPEARED A MONTH AGO. IT WAS AROUND THE SAME TIME ST. MARY AND ST. CATHERINE DECIDED THEY WERE GOING TO SPEND SOME TIME IN HAWAII...

Then stop posting!I would, but this is rather entertaining. :P

hypocrite...Here's the thing. I was getting fed up with this "-G O D-" person, so I decided to start fighting God with logic. Make sense?

LOGIC HAS NO PLACE IN RELIGIONI'm sorry, "God", but guess what? Logic makes the world go 'round. Logic isn't necessarily science, and it can, and I'm sure is integrated into religion. However, I cannot back this up, as I have never bothered devoting any interest whatsoever into religion.

yeah, there's nothing wrong with insulting other people's religions at their expense!

You see satan you could learn a thing or two from satan........and i assume satan is also the kegger god?

HE GETS ALL THE FUN. ALL I GET TO DO IS SMITE THINGS.

yeah, there's nothing wrong with insulting other people's religions at their expense!

delusions... not religions.
and why are you monotheists so egocentric. 3 millenia ago you would all be polytheists. you ignorant fearful mortals. you pathetic excuse for sentience and logic.

God? Why did you take my first puppy away all those years ago?

SORRY, IT WAS SO CUTE, I WANTED IT. DON'T WORRY, I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU BY MAKING SURE YOU BECOME A PILOT.

:D :D :D

Then stop posting!I would, but this is rather entertaining. :P

hypocrite...Here's the thing. I was getting fed up with this "-G O D-" person, so I decided to start fighting God with logic. Make sense?

LOGIC HAS NO PLACE IN RELIGIONI'm sorry, "God", but guess what? Logic makes the world go 'round. Logic isn't necessarily science, and it can, and I'm sure is integrated into religion. However, I cannot back this up, as I have never bothered devoting any interest whatsoever into religion.

YOUR NOT MISSING MUCH. ITS ALL "DON'T DO THAT OR GOD WILL SMITE YOU" AND "DON'T MARRY YOUR FATHER BECAUSE THE DEVIL GETS COMISSION FOR THAT SORT OF THING"

God? Why did you take my first puppy away all those years ago?

SORRY, IT WAS SO CUTE, I WANTED IT. DON'T WORRY, I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU BY MAKING SURE YOU BECOME A PILOT.

No fair! I wanna become a midget! A magical one!

Could i buy a stairway to heaven and if so where?

You see satan you could learn a thing or two from satan........and i assume satan is also the kegger god?

HE GETS ALL THE FUN. ALL I GET TO DO IS SMITE THINGS.

Aw, poor God. Remember, smiting can be fun too.

Could i buy a stairway to heaven and if so where?

Why not buy a lead zeppelin while you're at it?

Could i buy a stairway to heaven and if so where?

LED ZEPPLIN KNOW A LADY WHOSE SURE ALL THAT GLITTERS IS GOLD. TALK TO THEM

God? Why did you take my first puppy away all those years ago?

SORRY, IT WAS SO CUTE, I WANTED IT. DON'T WORRY, I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU BY MAKING SURE YOU BECOME A PILOT.

No fair! I wanna become a midget! A magical one!

QUIET YOU, OR I'LL GIVE YOU ELEPHANTITUS.

why can't you sell your soul to God?

You can. It's called "Becoming a priest". :roll:

Can you smite 1 Infinte Loop for me? He hasn;t made me a flag yet. :cry:

why can't you sell your soul to God?

You can. It's called "Becoming a priest". :roll:

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

Dear God,
The more it itches.....the worse it smells.....the worse it smells....the more it itches...

What should I do?

O God - tell me - why do bad things (like a venereal disease) happen to good people (like me)?

Can you smite 1 Infinte Loop for me? He hasn;t made me a flag yet. :cry:

WHY CAN'T YOU DO YOUR OWN SMITING. GO TO SMITING 101.

Dear God,
The more it itches.....the worse it smells.....the worse it smells....the more it itches...

What should I do?

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY WITH THAT?

Can you smite 1 Infinte Loop for me? He hasn;t made me a flag yet. :cry:Aww, Viper, don't worry, Loop will make you your flag. And if he doesn't, let me know, because when he gets on the IRC (He does, sometimes), I will kick his ass.

O God - tell me - why do bad things (like a venereal disease) happen to good people (like me)?

WELL IF YOU STOPPED HAVING SEX WITH COURTNEY LOVE YOU'D STOP GETTING VENERAL DISEASES.

Dear God,
Why does my dog seem smarter than half the people who use these forums?

Dear God,
Why does my dog seem smarter than half the people who use these forums?

BECAUSE IT IS.

Dear God, a few questions:

1. How did you get so damn good at hiding, for someone who's everywhere?

2. Why do my Christian women call out to you instead of me?

3. May I have a kiss? I've always wanted to pash God.

You can. It's called "Becoming a priest". :roll:

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

Remember when Elijah threw that kick-ass party? You told me after you had one too many jello-shots. I warned you, God. Those things sneak up on you.

I had sex with that THING? :shock: O Lord, I have but one more request - kill me now!!!

Dear God, a few questions:
OK, SHOOT
1. How did you get so damn good at hiding, for someone who's everywhere?
I AM A LVL. 99 STEALTH MASTER

2. Why do my Christian women call out to you instead of me?
I'M JUST SO DAMN GOOD. WOMEN FANTASISE ABOUT ME.

3. May I have a kiss? I've always wanted to pash God.

NOT HERE. LATER, IN THE BUSHES BEHIND THE PARK.

I had sex with that THING? :shock: O Lord, I have but one more request - kill me now!!!

IT'S OK. I GOT HER BACK WITH THAT LETTERMAN SHOW EPISODE.

Did someone say naked chicks ?!?!?!?!

Did someone say naked chicks ?!?!?!?!

Hey you! I'll trade you Jamie Lee Curtis' soul for the soul of Snubis.

Did someone say naked chicks ?!?!?!?!

what is the average cost for a hot women satan?

Jamie Lee Curtis.....Interesting, but I have some special plans for Snubis when he gets here....

Did someone say naked chicks ?!?!?!?!

SOME GUY SAID HE WANTED 30 NAKED CHICKS. I TOLD HIM TO TLAK TO YOU. HAS HE SOLD YOU HIS SOUL YET?

Did someone say naked chicks ?!?!?!?!

what is the average cost for a hot women satan?

Your soul, or the conversion of a man(or woman) of faith to me, by you.

Or you could just go to your local hooker and pay $75. Either way I get a soul.

Did someone say naked chicks ?!?!?!?!

SOME GUY SAID HE WANTED 30 NAKED CHICKS. I TOLD HIM TO TLAK TO YOU. HAS HE SOLD YOU HIS SOUL YET?

We are in negotiations

So Satan, what kind of benefits would I get by going to you instead of God? Immortality? Infinite wealth? Hot babes at my beck and call? A new Beck album?

JUST LIKE SATAN. STEAL ALL THE LIME LIGHT. WE'LL SEE WHO SMITES WHO

JUST LIKE SATAN. STEAL ALL THE LIME LIGHT. WE'LL SEE WHO SMITES WHO

Aw, come on God. I just want to get the best deal for my immortal soul. It's nothing personal.

So Satan, what kind of benefits would I get by going to you instead of God? Immortality? Infinite wealth? Hot babes at my beck and call? A new Beck album?

What would you like ? I am afraid that immortality is not going to be possable, that is the man upstair's thang. Wealth...sure. Hot babes, hell you can have hot and cold running babes (though I have no idea why people keep asking for this, it is really not that hard to pick them up on your own..Bath, be nice, pay for stuff...There you go the secrets of the universe for free).

Beck is to evil, even for me.

JUST LIKE SATAN. STEAL ALL THE LIME LIGHT. WE'LL SEE WHO SMITES WHO

Can't blame a demon for trying. Come on, you remimber how I hooked you up with that hot Mary chick, don't you ?

So Satan, what kind of benefits would I get by going to you instead of God? Immortality? Infinite wealth? Hot babes at my beck and call? A new Beck album?

What would you like ? I am afraid that immortality is not going to be possable, that is the man upstair's thang. Wealth...sure. Hot babes, hell you can have hot and cold running babes (though I have no idea why people keep asking for this, it is really not that hard to pick them up on your own..Bath, be nice, pay for stuff...There you go the secrets of the universe for free).

Beck is to evil, even for me.

SATAN ARE YOU DRUNK AGAIN? YUOR TELLING THESE PEOPLE THE TRUTH. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU.

What would you like ? I am afraid that immortality is not going to be possable, that is the man upstair's thang. Wealth...sure. Hot babes, hell you can have hot and cold running babes (though I have no idea why people keep asking for this, it is really not that hard to pick them up on your own..Bath, be nice, pay for stuff...There you go the secrets of the universe for free).

Beck is to evil, even for me.

Eh, it's just easier to do it all myself. I won't go through life with that empty feeling.

So Satan, what kind of benefits would I get by going to you instead of God? Immortality? Infinite wealth? Hot babes at my beck and call? A new Beck album?

What would you like ? I am afraid that immortality is not going to be possable, that is the man upstair's thang. Wealth...sure. Hot babes, hell you can have hot and cold running babes (though I have no idea why people keep asking for this, it is really not that hard to pick them up on your own..Bath, be nice, pay for stuff...There you go the secrets of the universe for free).

Beck is to evil, even for me.

SATAN ARE YOU DRUNK AGAIN? YUOR TELLING THESE PEOPLE THE TRUTH. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU.

It works in my favor in this case. If these guys figure out how to pick up chicks, there will be more premarital sex, and I love me some sin.

What would you like ? I am afraid that immortality is not going to be possable, that is the man upstair's thang. Wealth...sure. Hot babes, hell you can have hot and cold running babes (though I have no idea why people keep asking for this, it is really not that hard to pick them up on your own..Bath, be nice, pay for stuff...There you go the secrets of the universe for free).

Beck is to evil, even for me.

Eh, it's just easier to do it all myself. I won't go through life with that empty feeling.

There is no empty feeling...I promise..come on , you can trust me.

Oh, by the way God, as a fellow biotechnologist, may I have some pointers?

There is no empty feeling...I promise..come on , you can trust me.

Nah, that's quite alright. I don't want to put you through any more hassle than you already have, what with the whole "Prince of Darkness" thing.

So Satan, what kind of benefits would I get by going to you instead of God? Immortality? Infinite wealth? Hot babes at my beck and call? A new Beck album?

What would you like ? I am afraid that immortality is not going to be possable, that is the man upstair's thang. Wealth...sure. Hot babes, hell you can have hot and cold running babes (though I have no idea why people keep asking for this, it is really not that hard to pick them up on your own..Bath, be nice, pay for stuff...There you go the secrets of the universe for free).

Beck is to evil, even for me.

SATAN ARE YOU DRUNK AGAIN? YUOR TELLING THESE PEOPLE THE TRUTH. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU.

It works in my favor in this case. If these guys figure out how to pick up chicks, there will be more premarital sex, and I love me some sin.

YOUR A BIT BEHIND, SATAN. I ENDORSED FORNICATION 7 PAGES AGO.

What did Jesus do during his teenage years?

If I keep scratching this rash, will it get better?

Did you lie on your resume to become God?

Who wins in a fight, Spiderman or Batman?

Oh, by the way God, as a fellow biotechnologist, may I have some pointers?

Lather, rinse, repeat. That's all you need to know. If you create life, let me know. I have some lovely spirits that would like a new home.

Oh, by the way God, as a fellow biotechnologist, may I have some pointers?

PEOPLE ALWAYS LIKE THINGS WITH BIG BREASTS OR FOUR ASSES.

Oh, by the way God, as a fellow biotechnologist, may I have some pointers?

PEOPLE ALWAYS LIKE THINGS WITH BIG BREASTS OR FOUR ASSES.

Thanks. See you in the bushes!

YOUR A BIT BEHIND, SATAN. I ENDORSED FORNICATION 7 PAGES AGO.

Sorry about that , I was getting drunk and doing lines of coke off angelina jolie's butt while teenage school girls did unspeakable things to each other for my amusement. Bet ya' don't get a show like that in heaven.

Hmm... God and/or Satan, are you more powerful than mods?

What did Jesus do during his teenage years?
SITTING AROUND SPYING ON ROMAN CHICKS, TRYING TO CONVERT THEM TO HIS OWN "FAITH". IT DIDN'T GET OFF THE GROUND. IT INVOLVED A LOT OF CHEESE.
If I keep scratching this rash, will it get better?
IT WILL SPAWN INTO SOME FORM OF LIFE. KEEP SCRATCHING

Did you lie on your resume to become God? HEY, I WAS BORN A GOD, JUST LIKE PEOPLE ARE BORN GERMAN, OR NERDISH.

Who wins in a fight, Spiderman or Batman?

NEITHER. THE TICK COMES IN, SHOUTS "SPOON" AND DECKS THEM ALL WITH A PIANO.

SATAN ARE YOU DRUNK AGAIN? YUOR TELLING THESE PEOPLE THE TRUTH. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU.

sure you're not a little tipsy yourself? i thought you were supposed to be perfect... shouldn't you know how to spell "your"?

Hmm... God and/or Satan, are you more powerful than mods?

No one is more powerful than the mods.....In here. Not out in the real world it is another story.

Hmm... God and/or Satan, are you more powerful than mods?

I'M MORE POWERFUL, SATANS MORE DECEITFUL.


I HAVE TO GO SMITE A LIST OF PEOLE NOW, AND GIVE COURTNEY LOVE YET MORE VENERAL DISEASES.

SATAN CAN FIELD THE REST OF THE QUESTIONS.

Hmm... God and/or Satan, are you more powerful than mods?

No one is more powerful than the mods.....In here. Not out in the real world it is another story.

Then all is right with the world.

Tell Courtney I said hello. She is the sweetest little sin peach on the tree...

so which came first, the chicken or the egg.
sry if u answered this already

so which came first, the chicken or the egg.
sry if u answered this already

They came at the same time, as a chicken omlette with a side of gravey fries.

i KNEW it!!!!

God, what is the proper course of action if one is caught in a crossfire, tranquelized, and is being dragged up the side of a skyscraper?

God, what is the proper course of action if one is caught in a crossfire, tranquelized, and is being dragged up the side of a skyscraper? AND, being pursued by a fuchikoma :wink:

God, what is the proper course of action if one is caught in a crossfire, tranquelized, and is being dragged up the side of a skyscraper?

Say thank you and enjoy the ride....I normally have to pay extra for that kinda night out, you lucky so-and-so.

God, what is the proper course of action if one is caught in a crossfire, tranquelized, and is being dragged up the side of a skyscraper? AND, being pursued by a fuchikoma :wink:

Shh...don't spoil the ending!

God (or Satan): What is the meaning of life?


Is it 7?

God (or Satan): What is the meaning of life?


Is it 7?

Well, this is a point that the big G and I disagree on. He seems to think it is all about worshiping him and such. I think it is all about enjoying your body for as long as you have it.

God (or Satan): What is the meaning of life?


Is it 7?

Well, this is a point that the big G and I disagree on. He seems to think it is all about worshiping him and such. I think it is all about enjoying your body for as long as you have it.

Dang. I was sure the meaning of life was seven. Or was it three? I forget.

God (or Satan): What is the meaning of life?


Is it 7?

Well, this is a point that the big G and I disagree on. He seems to think it is all about worshiping him and such. I think it is all about enjoying your body for as long as you have it.

Dang. I was sure the meaning of life was seven. Or was it three? I forget.

7 is the number of sexual partners you should have per week
3 is the number of times you should have sex with them per day.

See, you were right all along.

God (or Satan): What is the meaning of life?


Is it 7?

Well, this is a point that the big G and I disagree on. He seems to think it is all about worshiping him and such. I think it is all about enjoying your body for as long as you have it.

Dang. I was sure the meaning of life was seven. Or was it three? I forget.

7 is the number of sexual partners you should have per week
3 is the number of times you should have sex with them per day.

See, you were right all along.

Shit. I'm behind.

Sorry for not having a prompt answer i was watching porn...and....well you understand so yeah whatever just bring in the 30 women

Sorry for not having a prompt answer i was watching porn...and....well you understand so yeah whatever just bring in the 30 women

Would you like them all at once, or in monthly installments ?

Satan: im i going to hell! If so i demand a hotub when i get there.

Shit. I'm behind.

Don't worry, you can catch up.

Sorry for not having a prompt answer i was watching porn...and....well you understand so yeah whatever just bring in the 30 women

Would you like them all at once, or in monthly installments ?

all at once is good send um whenever yuo feel like it

Sorry for not having a prompt answer i was watching porn...and....well you understand so yeah whatever just bring in the 30 women

Would you like them all at once, or in monthly installments ?

all at once is good send um whenever yuo feel like it

And when can we expect your payment ?

hey stan i got one more question for ya. Is it true that Osama Bin Laden is your son and if so how did you raise him when he was growin up.

-S A T A N-, I'd sell my soul for a Jelly Donut.

-Emperor Jim.

Sorry for not having a prompt answer i was watching porn...and....well you understand so yeah whatever just bring in the 30 women

Would you like them all at once, or in monthly installments ?

all at once is good send um whenever yuo feel like it

And when can we expect your payment ?


ummmmm i can wire it to you pretty soon but i want the women before i do anything so you send to women and shortly after ill pay up

hey stan i got one more question for ya. Is it true that Osama Bin Laden is your son and if so how did you raise him when he was growin up.

Sorry, but my son is in the White House. I think that Osama works for that Allah guy. I met him at a party once, he is a real wierdo. He got into a fight with Thor and I have not seen him since.

Sorry for not having a prompt answer i was watching porn...and....well you understand so yeah whatever just bring in the 30 women

Would you like them all at once, or in monthly installments ?

all at once is good send um whenever yuo feel like it

And when can we expect your payment ?


ummmmm i can wire it to you pretty soon but i want the women before i do anything so you send to women and shortly after ill pay up

do the devil willt ry to confuse you, be specific. He will probaly give you your 50 women but they will have like STDs and smell like crap and nasty stuff like that.

-S A T A N-, I'd sell my soul for a Jelly Donut.

-Emperor Jim.

One Jelly donut comming up. I have no idea of delivery time, but the next time you eat a jelly donut, you owe me your soul

hey stan i got one more question for ya. Is it true that Osama Bin Laden is your son and if so how did you raise him when he was growin up.

Sorry, but my son is in the White House. I think that Osama works for that Allah guy. I met him at a party once, he is a real wierdo. He got into a fight with Thor and I have not seen him since.

who would win in a fight you or Hades.