NationStates Jolt Archive

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Nationstates Football World Cup 46
46e Coupe du monde de football
http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/worldcup46logov2-1.png

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/worldcup46slogan.png
Discover the passion in Ad'ihan and Kelssek


Welcome to the RP thread for World Cup 46. More information will be added here as necessary.

Qualifying draw

GROUP 1
Greal (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14766677&postcount=35) [32]
Bostopia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14758856&postcount=23) [6]
Chutnusak [55]
Septentrionia [20]
Italia Orientale (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14751570&postcount=9) [61]
Iglesian Archipelago [UNR]

GROUP 2
Dave Campbell [75]
Rymeria [46]
Yelda [76]
Starblaydia [2]
Qazox (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14756271&postcount=14) [19]
Dariusville (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14767473&postcount=36) [41]

GROUP 3
Peisandros (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14772196&postcount=47) [30]
Somewhereistonia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14757938&postcount=18) [59]
Edward City [42]
Golgothastan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14753579&postcount=12) [66]
Sorthern Northland [7]
Australiazia [UNR]

GROUP 4
Prux (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14756439&postcount=15) [25]
Lecland [50]
Arroza (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14762046&postcount=29) [38]
Wessia [76]
Kura-Pelland [12]
Nong Nang Ning (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14751663&postcount=10) [63]

GROUP 5
The Archregimancy [15]
Swartaz (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14761571&postcount=28) [76]
Taeshan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14750391&postcount=7) [29]
Tyrrin [71]
Hypocria [54]
Nethertopia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14749854&postcount=5) [36]

GROUP 6
Norwellia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14765529&postcount=34) [64]
Kosovoe [27]
Panuul [57]
Phillips Island (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14775407&postcount=49) [76]
Cafundéu (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14763380&postcount=21) [3]
Akbarabad (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14760767&postcount=24) [37]

GROUP 7
The Islands of Qutar [74]
Jeruselem (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14761048&postcount=27) [17]
West Newmanistan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14764879&postcount=35) [49]
Cassadaigua (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14757537&postcount=16) [31]
Gordon Bay City (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14765016&postcount=33) [UNR]
Milchama [8]

GROUP 8
Astholm [68]
North Wiedna [UNR]
Rennidan [23]
Bushdome [47]
Valanora (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14774046&postcount=48) [1]
Colbourne [44]

GROUP 9
Rejistania (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14760923&postcount=25) [62]
Pasarga (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14763435&postcount=33) [76]
Achtervolging (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14753355&postcount=11) [51]
Jasīʼyūn (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14778071&postcount=54) [16]
Candelaria And Marquez (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14764901&postcount=32) [4]
Urna Eletrônica (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14767030&postcount=40) [39]

GROUP 10
The Macabees (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14750323&postcount=6) [43]
Newmanistan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14764863&postcount=34) [28]
The McLaughlin Islands (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14770785&postcount=44) [58]
Steroga (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14757715&postcount=17) [84]
Banten States [71]
Yafor 2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14768420&postcount=9413) [13]

GROUP 11
Lovisa [18]
West Zirconia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14770774&postcount=43) [35]
Vephrall (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14762178&postcount=30) [11]
Allemenschen (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14771094&postcount=45) [53]
Carpathia and Ruthenia [76]
O Ale Ale [68]

GROUP 12
The Bear Islands (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14775705&postcount=51) [67]
Threetime [76]
Daehanjeiguk (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14763174&postcount=20) [9]
Jeru FC (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14761014&postcount=26) [23]
Kagdazka [59]
Quintessence of Dust (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14749830&postcount=4) [45]

GROUP 13
Terra Anatidae [70]
Logria [48]
The Holy Empire [5]
Krytenia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14754892&postcount=13) [21]
Sarzonia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14749715&postcount=3) [34]
Algal States [UNR]

GROUP 14
Bears Armed (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14775491&postcount=50) [26]
Landau Institute (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14763418&postcount=32) [56]
Silexhera (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14751540&postcount=9) [UNR]
Liventia [40]
Stargate Centurion [71]
Dancougar (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14756399&postcount=22) [10]

GROUP 15
Quakmybush [52]
Bazalonia [24]
Lemetel [83]
Opereta (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14767039&postcount=41) [65]
Secristan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14760750&postcount=19) [33]
Capitalizt SLANI (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14778064&postcount=53) [14]

MAIS ATTENDEZ, IL Y A PLUS!
Ad'ihan [14]
Kelssek (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14748864&postcount=2) [29]

Tentatively finalised schedule:
MD1: 1v6, 2v5, 3v4
MD2: 6v4, 5v3, 1v2
MD3: 2v6, 3v1, 4v5
MD4: 6v5, 1v4, 2v3
MD5: 3v6, 4v2, 5v1

Repeats for MD6-10 with home and away teams switching.

Links
Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=593050)
Rosters (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=591835)
Bid thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=588883)

The training match Paul Hart had arranged against a Granite University select XVII hadn't gone according to plan. If anything it told him that he'd possibly picked the wrong 20 players for his squad. Granted, he'd let the opposition play with seventeen players compared to his own team's eleven, in what he thought would be an adequate simulation of the pressure his team would be under in a competitive international, but even he couldn't have expected such a heavy defeat.
"Five-nil" he said, shaking his head. "What went wrong?"
"I was man-marking triplets. At the same time." quipped Carl Medic, a full back who, over the last ninety minutes, had been turned more times than the pages of third-hand quiz book. Paul shot him a look.
"You think it'll be easier against the average international XI do you? With midfielders crossing each other, wingbacks overlapping, wingers cutting inside, strikers moving wide, defenders bombing forward? You'll feel like a sponge being wrung out over a patio, and you'll wish you were marking seventeen schoolboys." Paul knew. After the country had seen World Cup 45 on TV he'd done the thing most of them wanted to do. Buggered off out the country to learn more. He'd been desperate for information. He'd read "Craziness Encouraged" from cover to cover, twice, and had trawled the World Cup's archives for further knowledge. He stopped his internal monologue when he heard someone talking.
"Why are we playing here anyway?". The voice belonged to the absurdly named Gopher Sporaskid, a kid who grew up near Johnny Sporadic, the temperamental volcano. No wonder the kid could sprint so fast. "All that dry land over the river, flat as you like, and we're here in this dump". He was right. He couldn't head a ball, couldn't use his left foot, dragged every single shot at goal to the left and had all the concentration of a drunk autistic child but he was right. The university athletics field was a dump. The turf was sliced beyond all recognition from overuse by the Rugby teams, Hammer throwers and whatnot, the pitch was too short and too wide and just not cut out for defensive football at all, but it sort of looked and felt like a stadium, despite its age. The amenities here were great. The showers all worked, the changing rooms were shiny, the seats were comfortable and spectators were always out of the rain, but you can't impress anybody when you can only fit three and a half thousand people in your stadium, and that's if everyone breathes in. Over the river the land was fairly barren, but it was flat. Completely flat. A few months work and some good turf and you could make a very good pitch and build a stadium around it, so long as you were near enough the river, but over the river wasn't Silexhera's territory. No one knew who's territory it was. Scouting parties either came back empty handed or never came back at all. Radiation sensors went wild just 1km into the desert. Silexherans kept away. As a community, as a nation, we were inquisitive and rational, but individually, everyone was scared by the wasteland. There were people that wanted permission to build on the land over the river. There were people that got permission to build, but still nothing had happened. A few bridges, a football stadium and an extension to the city and it'd just be another part of Silexhera, but people were just too damn scared.
"Right.." Paul announced to the players, who were by now changed into their regular clothes, or work clothes if they were unlucky. "Here, same time tommorrow. We've got a few months til the fixtures are announced, but all the same I want us to be giving it our all. You're still playing for your place, remember?

OOC: Excuse the train-of-thought writing, I'm still forming my country in my head, let alone my characters..

Now that World Cup XLVI qualifying was approaching, Franz Braddock took stock of his emotions.

At 83 years old, he was far older than many of those he'd be matching wits against. He knew this. He also knew there was a good chance he'd face some of the teams who told him thanks, but no thanks when he fancied a return to managing after a 20-year retirement.

When the Incorporated Football Federation stunned the footballing world by announcing Braddock was their pick, they did so because he brought an offence that was similar to the attack-minded play they intended to demonstrate in Sarzonia's return to international competition.

For Dave Wilson, just two years younger than his new employee, it was a no-brainer. Braddock managed Cafundéu to the World Cup quarterfinals. He'd managed the team into the World Cup finals consistently. He could sense Braddock's enthusiasm about returning to the sidelines.

More importantly, he could tell Braddock had done his homework about Sarzonia and its players. He cited the team's surprising World Cup XLIV success. The team nearly qualified in its first World Cup appearance after a 13-Cup absence. The Stars shocked a team then ranked No. 11 in the world. It nearly pulled off the biggest upset in World Cup history away to Valanora.

All those things Braddock mentioned in his interview.

"I think you Sarzonians would say 'the cupboard is not bare'," Braddock said. "There is great potential for this team."

Now that he'd managed the team to a fourth place finish in the 37th Cup of Harmony and a sixth place finish in Newmanistan's Empire Charity Cup, he had a better idea of what he wanted to do. He had a better sense of how his system could fit with the players he had. He had a better grasp on how the team should develop so they could fit his system.

Now, Braddock was facing reality. The reality was, this Stars team was on the cusp of qualifying in two World Cups. Expectations were beginning to build again in Sarzonia's footballing community. The cupboard definitely was not bare.

In fact, sporting heroes emerged in other sports for the Navy and Silver. The men's lacrosse team won a championship in its first appearance in the World Lacrosse Championships. The men's basketball team won a title in the International Basketball Championships. Sarzonian athletes won more medals at Qazox's Winter Sports Festival than any other country, and tied the host nation for the most medals overall. Cyclist Noah Carlson captivated the Tour de Qazox en route to a third place finish.

Now it was football's turn to add to the honours once again. At least that's what the whispers were beginning to say.

"We have to play our brand of football," Braddock would say over and over. He warned against taking the journey for granted. He warned against complacency. He said the Stars didn't earn the right to be complacent. No, this Stars side had a long road to go before it could expect to qualify for the World Cup finals without breaking a sweat. And even then, Braddock wanted no part of a team that wouldn't work harder than anyone.

"There are many teams that feel they should kiss that cup," Braddock told the media. "For us to be one of those teams, we have to earn it. We haven't done it yet."

Braddock didn't say it, but anyone who knew him realised he thought it: He wanted to see the team earn it on his watch.

** Somewhere Not in this Reality **

Two children are sitting down to watch their favourite after-school show, "Playschool" The show comes on and adults start addressing the children, soon they introduce an animation...

And here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8CHnbdEXgQ) it is

As they finished watching Play school the music and the words played through their minds as they laid down to have a bit of an afternoon nap... The line "Nong Nang Ning tree's go Ping" kept repeating in their tiny little heads as they dreamt.

** Meanwhile in NS Reailty **

Life is Strange in Nong Nang Ning, though it's inhabitants are used to it, the main stadium just appeared over night as the team entered the Baptism of Fire. it's changes frequently from large monstrous stadia that that could hold millions towering high into the air above. Anyone with vertigo or fear of heights is certainly not recommended to go into these higher levels. down to a small intimate few thousand seats.

Unlike other more malleable areas such as the dreamed realm it is known that it's inhabitants do not shape the environment it's the environment that shapes them. Any physical changes that happen in Nong Nang Ning to someone that is not a native of the region gets undone when they leave. Sometimes non-natives stay in Ning Nang Nong. And the only known case of this happening is Steve, a former Bazalonian came to Ning Nang Nong well over 30 years ago, and this is him today.

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f387/Bazalonia/01a474b92e5bb4fd7601508tf1.gif
as Steve is the only one in Nong Nang Ning that has any sort of real knowlege of football he has taken upon himself to take the role of the teams manager and to deal with the outside world. He is unsure what will happen to him as steps out of what can be loosely described as a nation for the first time in 30 years but he is willing to take the risk.

During World Cup 46, I will be heavily RPing this side story which originated in the Empire Charity Cup thread. Since I don't know how many people read that thread I am transferring two critical posts here from that thread to here so that people who may be interested will have an understanding of what is going to take place. (There are more posts on this in the ECC if you want to read more, these two I feel are critical as I expand on the theme here). This is for background, not intended to count towards any RP bonuses.

Post 1 (just the "important" stuff)
More father and son talk follows and Senior walks back to his hotel room. He takes the bottle of HGH and remembers the words of his son. Why didn’t Junior share his enthusiasm about playing together? Was it just him being a teenager, or should he really forget about this whole come out of retirement thing. He remembered the glory of winning the Cup of Harmony. He won three of them. He won a Baptism of Fire, and a Di Bradini Cup. He scored 134 goals in 180 international caps. Though never playing in the World Cup Proper, his career was a success. And with a son about to play for the national team in World Cup 46, and a great marriage with wife Ashley, his life off the field has been a success as well. He was ready to make his final decision concerning the HGH. There was no reason to be selfish and there would be no guarantee anyway that the Rockets would make the World Cup even he did play.

The time had come. He walked outside and dumped the pills down a sewer drain. He drove off far enough from the hotel and tossed the empty bottle into the river. Jeremy McAllister, Sr was not a cheater. He was a champion, and content with what had happened in his life. Driving back to hotel, he felt as if a tremendous weight had been lifted from his shoulder. On the way back, he got every green light, as if a higher power was thanking him for making the right decision

Post 2:
Jeremy McAllister and family arrive in Olympia for the final game of the Charity Cup.

Ashley (wife): Jeremy, even though I said I would be there for you either way, I am so glad you made that decision.

Jeremy: Yeah, I don’t want to go down as a cheater. And Junior is right, he needs to be his own person.

Ashley: I agree. Now we can put this behind us and move on.

Jeremy: Agreed. I love you.

(Meanwile, at the Centralia hotel that they checked out of that morning, housekeepers Shaina and Louise have a spat over who cleans his room, mainly, because they are sure there is a big tip in there.)

Shaina: The supervisor assigned me these rooms today, sorry.

Louise: I always clean this wing!

Shaina: Not today, sorry.

Louise: This is so unfair. They’re playing favorites again. She knows this was Jeremy McAllister’s room and there is probably a nice tip in there and you’re her favorite so you get this room.

Shaina: Well maybe if you didn’t call in sick three times a week, she’s like you more.

(Louise goes to complain to her supervisor and Shaina begins to clean the room).

“200 GC, thank you Jeremy!” She thinks as she pockets the money and begins to clean the room. “Damn, couldn’t you clean out this drawer..... nah this isn’t important, toss it in the garbage. Now what’s this.... Oh my.... Ways to avoid the detection of HGH in your system.” She dropped the pamphlet in shock and picked it back up. Jeremy meant to dispose of it, but now it was in Shaina’s hands. She was going to dispose of it but then thought, “If I report this to the police, I can bail my boyfriend out of jail and be rich! Jeremy McAllister is a cheat! I have proof! It has the doctor's name and number on it and everything. This can be a major bust!”

Shaina calls the police to report this......

Fromburg Free Press
World Cup 46 Coverage

Where were you 80 years ago? Odds are most of you weren't alive or even your parents weren't alive.

But 80 Years ago, Qazox participated in the Baptism of Fire and began , what seemed at first, a rapid rise to the top of the footballing world. But somewhere along the line, Qazox plateaued and for the majority of the last 60 years, the team has been good enough to qualify for the World Cup, but not good enough to win or get out of the first round.

As Qazox enters it's 9th decade of competition, we here at the Free Press will take a look back at the 20 most memorable moments, players and events of the last 20 World Cup qualifiers involving Qazox, with the #1 moment and #1 player to revealed on the first day of the World Cup itself.

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
"Banana Split": Media explodes with news of celebrity break-up

Peter Rogers and Alyssa Banana, have independently confirmed that they are no longer Quintessence of Dust's most high-profile celebrity couple. Rogers, the captain of the national football team and a player for MN Smith in the CMSC, and Banana, the country's most famous broadcaster and presenter of hugely popular QBS shows The Evening Review and Sport Gort, had been involved in a stormy and poorly-defined relationship for several months, but split up after reports emerged of infidelity on Rogers's part after photographs of him leaving a prominent Bove nightspot with another woman, initially reported in the Candelalalian press as "a gobby young nail technician with dramatically oversized breasts" but later identified as TTO presenter Lizzy Capper, once described (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=13110447) as "the poor man’s Keenan Bailey, who is in turn the poor man’s Whichever-One-Happens-To-Be-Doing-The-News-Reporting-This-Time Dallas", emerged on the sports blog He's Had An Absolute Holocaust. As preparations for World Cup 46 mount, the domestic press has blown the story into a major media event, replete with a set of predictable puns.

Banana took news of Rogers's indiscretion badly. She appeared "tired and emotional" at a QBS gala event for Children With Embarrassing Diseases, and then broke down in tears while presenting Talk Sport Gort, the Quod FM version of her TV sports round-up. Sobbing, she left the studio midway through an interview with skier Beccy Arnott, forcing a stand-in producer to vamp for the remaining eight minutes, during which he swore four times and entered into a lengthy excursus on his latest pornography downloads having failed to silence the mike while playing a recorded version of WorldVision entry "Filing My Tax Return" by BCRC.

Banana was absent for Thurday's The Evening Review, the topical and cultural discussion show. Guest presenter Emile "Dr Huff'n'Puff" Quirkheim, the eminent sociologist and noted street slam poet, stood in for her, hosting an animated discussion on the forthcoming world tour by the Quintessential National Opera before engaging in a lengthy explanation of his new Theory Of Complex Religion. He ended the show in unorthodox fashion, challenging studio guest Judith Cuttlefish, the noted theorist of feminism and queer studies, to an impromptu rap battle, in which he trounced her "weak rhymes" with a performance poem entitled "Who Dat Postcoloni-izzle?"

Unexpectedly, the show received season-high viewing figures, leading some to speculate that the whole thing may be a publicity stunt. QBS saw viewing figures for World Cup 45 plummet faced with the team's dreadful performance and the counter-scheduling by FTV of Strictly Come Ironing, and face stiff competition again as the commercial network looks set to again counter-programme the World Cup games, which the government requires be shown on free media, with new shows such as the action adventure sci-fi comedy Jews in Space and the sitcom Bitches Be Trippin'. Responding to charges by FTV spokespeople, QBS newscaster Des Chambliss said, "To suggest this is a cynical ploy on our part is outrageous, and says a lot about the sort of values embodied by commercial media in this country. We all feel for Alyssa, and would never seek to exploit her grief in this moment of emotional fragility. More on that after the Weather."

Rogers for his part has remained unrepetant, while appealing for privacy. The drama has not obviously affected his performance as he scored twice against Radyukevich SC in MN Smith's 3-2 win on Matchday Five of the CMSC. Nor is it the first such controversy he has weathered, breaking up with future national teammate Jessica Jensen after she leaked a private video of them onto the Internet in retaliation for an alleged affair with noted skier Julia Johannsen. Reflecting, perhaps, the rather reserved pace of life in Quintessence of Dust, the video consisted of the two playing chess, with Jensen triumphing nine times, leading to Rogers breaking down in tears.

Naturally, this being a football story, Arlo Cockbadger, coach of the Rahlia Regals, has found a way to entangle himself, arguing that Rogers should be stripped of the captaincy and criticising players playing overseas. "It's not a good example to set young children," said four-time divorcee Cockbadger, who once threw a lampshade at his third wife for overbraising the turkey on Republic Day, "I think they need to look up to a team captain, not down on him like THE WORM HE IS." He said that having the country's best players, such as Rogers and Theo Littlefellow, playing in the CMSC deprived the QuinTel Not-Really-Very-Premier League of homegrown talent and harmed squad morale.

World Cup 46 qualifying is still a few days away, but the team is expected to begin with a friendly against regional rivals Achtervolging, the only other Wysterian nation competing in World Cup football, with the game acting as a testimonial for those retiring from international football, such as Frederic Renard, Dino Achten, and David Yellowback, who has moved into refereeing and is expected to take over as designated international referee for the QFA. Coach Edward "Big Ted" Large said he was not concerned with Rogers's off-the-pitch activities so long as they did not affect his playing, but said he encouraged the national media to allow the young star a reasonable degree of privacy.

Oksana: Hello, I'm Oksana "Pups" Ferris.
Dazza: And I'm Lilian Dazza Greenly!
Oksana: And this isn't THE FOOTBALL LIFE.
Dazza: Actually, it's got a new name.

Oksana: Two bimbos and football ...
Dazza: Well, and it's World Cup 46.
Oksana: And Jeruselem have a new coach!
Dazza: And our new coach is ...

Oksana: Mum!
Dazza: Yes, it's Oksana's Mum.
Oksana: That's Scarlet Ferris for those who don't know who my mother is.
Dazza: My mother is a farmer too.

Oksana: Well, we're both farm girls.
Dazza: Except I'm a Qazian. We breed cattle not ducks.
Oksana: This means Jeru FC has the same coach is last three cups.
Dazza: I thought the Count was favourite for being the new coach!

Oksana: Well, he was but ... his application got lost.
Dazza: How?
Oksana: Well, he posted it via the military but it got delayed a two weeks and arrived 5 days late.
Dazza: Poor man!

Oksana: I'm sure he would have won the post.
Dazza: We'd just like to say, we feel sorry for poor Count.
Oksana: He should have driven to the office with his application himself.
Dazza: Yes, next time he should do thing himself.

Oksana: Maybe we should call this show, two farm girls and a egg.
Dazza: That sounds weird!
Oksana: Eggs are terrible footballs.
Dazza: Speaking of eggs, how is Mary the Duck?

Oksana: Well, she's breed up a new generation of superducks.
Dazza: Not worried about duck flu?
Oksana: I'm probably immune to it myself.
Dazza: I worry about mad cow disease.

Training again. Silexhera's first eleven against a seventeen-man City University side. Final score: 0-4.

Paul didn't quite know where to start with his team talk. It was fairly obvious he needed to pick up his team's morale, and that the next training session should be a little lighter. Maybe even eleven on eleven.
"That was... better" was all he could muster. It was. Last time out they'd lost five nil. He spotted Smokey Black, the interestingly named teenage right-back, slumped in the corner looking mentally and physically exhausted. Their wingers had quintupled up on him for most of the match. "But think, when it comes to that first match, in a far away and distant land against a country that has played the game for centuries longer than ourselves, you'll be thankful that we put you through the mill in training."
He was right. Kind of. The best way to prepare was, of course, to play in the Baptism of Fire tournament, but the decision to join the World Cup carnival was made far too late in the day. There had been arguments in the parliament building, once going all the way through until the early hours of the next morning. The monetary costs of putting a team together and sending them over oceans, the mental costs of seeing the outside world in the flesh. Dictatorships, Capitalists, Communists, they were all out there. Strange, alien ways of governing that didn't sit well with Silexhera's ethos. "Don't be a twat to each other" only worked if everyone felt the same way. One person disobeying the rule could have a domino effect and before you know it the entire nation would be working in insurance.

James Idiotsman then decided he wanted to speak. It was time for Paul to get his brain in gear.

The town of Idiot was probably the strangest town in the universe. Any idiot (but probably not any Idiotsman) could tell you that even without looking at any other town in the universe. For starters, Idiot was built (for the first time) at the foot of Johnny Sporadic, a volcano that often erupted, or spurted in some cases, without any type of warning at seemingly random intervals. Records showed it had once lay dormant for over forty-five years. Records also showed it erupted twice one Tuesday morning, then again on Thursday afternoon, before doing nothing for the best part of a decade, aside from frazzling a few families of crabs here and there with one of its many underwater bursts. Silexherans called the sea that hugged their western coast the "Black Cancer Sea" not because of any radioactive or magical reason, but because the well-fried crabs would end up washed onto the beach looking very sorry for themselves indeed.
Every time Johnny Sporadic went off, it took Idiot with it, and most likely anyone living there at the time. An estimated thirteen-thousand Idiots had died in the last fifty years just because they were stupid enough to move there. Every time the town would burn, and every time the town would be rebuilt, and rebuilt and built until it became the third or fourth largest place in the country. And then Johnny would Sporad, and then they'd start again. Idiot's population was now about thirteen. Those thirteen were all builders and all slightly desperate for money.
That wasn't even the weirdest thing about the town. That title belonged to the Idiot's language.
Any other language in this part of the world was based around... no.. it wasn't even worth explaining in that much detail. Lets just say the sentence "The cat sat on the mat" could be written in hundreds of different languages, but they'd pretty much all have those words in that order. Idiomatic was different. The only law in Idiomatic speech was thus:
"Words should be spoken in order of importance."
Or, as they would put it:
"Importance Should Words be Spoken Order in of"
Many intelligent men and women had pondered why any group of people should collectively decide that that was the correct logic to forming sentences, and many important men and women had walked away muttering "idiots" under their breath, but Paul thought he knew why. In any town that borders a volcano that could erupt at any second, the most important words need to spoken at super speed, because by the end of the sentence it might be too late. "!!ERUPTING RUN RUN RUN VOLCANO LIVES SHIT EVERYONE EVERYONE oh your my we oh for should sun" might give your friends an all-important three more seconds of life expectancy than "Oh my sun, everyone, the volcano is erupting! Oh shit we should run, everyone run for your lives, run!" before the inevitable happened, which in this case was, of course, magma super-heated cascading river megaton two a of.
Where were we? Ah yes, the idiot was speaking.
"Strikers more we play with should?" said Smokey. Paul's eyes glazed over for two seconds.
"No" Paul replied. "We need midfield and defence more than anything".
"Pressure relieve Gopher might support but someone him we if has the to". Paul wrinkled his nose. His eyes danced for a few seconds as he whittled four possible sentences into one.
"We'll have to rely on one of the midfielders getting forward when we clear the ball. Anyway, its not up for discussion. This is the way we're going to play". He could see the life drop out of the squad as a number of them sighed or fell back into a slumped position. Paul had to something. "OK guys, tomorrow we'll practice some attacking. We'll go 4-3-3 against the University's best eleven - excepting the players that are in our dressing room of course - and we'll see how it goes. Right?"

"Right?"

He got a murmered response. This was going to be tough.

This did not bode well for Silexhera at all. Eleven on eleven. City University nil, Silexhera nil. Paul Hart had gone with a 5-2-3 formation, with striker Gopher Sporaskid partnered by wide-men Holiday and Sporadic up front, in the hope that they could forge a goal to get his team's spirits up. 90 minutes of the dourest attacking football he'd ever seen had followed. Silexhera just could not create chances, even against the most limited of defences. Some of the University team that Hart had overlooked for national selection had given him some annoyed looks as time and again the national team had failed to hit the target.
His dressing down had been quick. He didn't want to dwell on the result too much and promised the team a week of hard drills and training to get them in better shape for the forthcoming qualifiers. The team had left the dressing room pretty downhearted nonetheless. For now, Paul was on his way to a meeting.
Sat round a table in the university's conference room were high-ranking executives from the university, assorted Silexheran sports teams and the country's government. The future of Silexhera's national football team was the first and only thing on the agenda. Paul was expecting a rollicking.
"Things don't seem to be going too well" one of the suits started, pretty much as soon as Paul had sat down. "We look out of our depth against players not even good enough to get into our own team. That isn't exactly a good sign is it Paul?"
"I know what your trying to say" started Paul, shifting uncomfortably in his chair especially as he saw the coffee pot and biscuits were out of his reach "but thats just one of the peculiarities of the team game. Individually, the university team aren't a match for us, but they've been playing together for years. Our players only met each other last month and morale is pretty low. I've been putting them through the grinder. We just need a few more months. A year maybe."
"We don't quite have that much time, Paul". A different suit this time. "The draw for the qualifiers is next week, and the first game will kick off in a few months." Paul tried to protest, but the suit ignored him. "I know, Paul, I know. We're not expecting you to turn our national team into world beaters, we're not expecting you even to get more than six points from all our qualifying matches, but what we can't abide is getting humiliated. Multiple thrashings will simply not do. If you can't get the team at least quasi-competitive then we shall have to re-evaluate this idea of international competition." Paul didn't quite know what to say. He sat and looked down at the biscuits which still, he calculated, would take an embarrassingly large lunge to pull into his grasp. He realised he was shaking. One of the other suits started talking.
"I mean, Paul, what did you really..."
"No." Someone had interrupted an important looking suit. Paul realised it was himself. He was shivering with rage, but he didn't know why. "Do you want to know why we'll struggle to compete, why we can't even beat a club side from our own country, why we can't club together and create chances, make plays, play with confidence? Hmm? Well..." The suits sat in silence. They were giving him the floor. The more intelligent ones showed small signs of smirks. The more intelligent ones had realised Paul himself didn't know what he was about to say, or what his excuses were going to be. "The facilities at the athletics field are great. The changing rooms, gym, everything, but that pitch... that pitch is a tragedy. Its a bog, its a square bog. Have you ever seen a square football pitch? Bugger that, have you ever even seen a football pitch? I did. I went to Starblaydia, to Rejistania, to Sarzonia and Taeshan, I studied the tapes of the classic games, from Kingsford to Crosshill, Brazillico to Bedistan to Bazalonia and back. Want to know what I noticed? Above all else? Beautiful, lush, firm green grass. Its level frigging one in the formation of a football team. Good players play on good pitches. True players need a true bounce of the ball. Can you imagine Syku Lyku setting himself up for a thirty-yard half volley and swinging at thin air as the ball sticks like a rock in a muddy puddle? Do you even know who Syku Lyku was? The pitch we have at the athletics park is crap. Its boggy, marshy, and its almost square. Football pitches aren't square, especially the pitches of teams like us. We need to play solid, defensive football to keep ourselves competitive with our opponents. The likes of Valanora could defend as well as our five-man defence with just two centre backs, so we need to flood our half of the pitch was green shirts just to compete, but that won't work with a pitch so sodding wide! The most effective defensive teams have long, narrow fields. When you narrow the pitch you cut the chances of them getting a meaningful cross in. When you lengthen the pitch they find it more difficult to get long-range efforts in. If we get mauled in every game it won't be because of me or my players, it'll be because we had an impossible task, because our defence will be so stretched as to make our back line like a sieve"
"And so what do you want us to do about it?" Paul took a breath. He was about to say something that scared even him.
"The national boundary. The natural line between us and the mainland wasteland. The Granite River. We need a bridge. Or two. And we need the land on the other side of it. Even if its just a few acres." He could see the suits exchange nervous glances with one another. The wasteland was something that scared everyone. Paul could feel himself getting the upper hand. "We know that, with just six months work, we could make the land there fertile enough to grow fresh grass. We could create a purpose-built football stadium. At least 10,000 seats, full mod-cons, and a nice, long, narrow pitch for us to play on, to give us a chance to compete with the best nations in the world. In twelve years time, if we grow correctly as a nation and as a team, we could at least compete for a shot at the World Cup Finals, but we need to pull out all the stops. There's no point taking babysteps, there's no point trying to get a feel of the situation. The best teams will rip us to shreds at the drop of a hat if we don't commit ourselves 100% to our football team. We need a national league system, maybe even professionalism, because if things stay as they are Silexhera will never get anywhere on the world stage".
The suits were silent.
A purpose built stadium in what was technically foreign land, a fully formed football association with a fully-fledged national league system. The lot. Paul knew he'd gone a few hundred steps too far, but the looks on the suits faces was brilliant. The smirks had long since departed.
"We'll think about it"
For some reason, Paul could sense the feeling of victory. It had been a long time since last he'd felt it.

Golden-Whites Kick-Start World Tour Unconvincingly

Bears Armed—The first stop of the Macabee National Football Team's 'World Tour' was Bears Armed, where the opponent's Ursine team thrashed the Imperial team. The teams lack of experience showed, as the game ended at an embarrassing 3–1. Nevertheless, there were moments of genius in the Golden-Whites' side, especially when it came to the creation of their sole goal of the game. Despite these isolated cases of good game, the Macabee team will travel to Bazalonia with an unconvincing defeat "under their belt". More importantly, the evidence—at this point—shows that the team is not experienced enough to make a good showing in the World Cup. Hopefully, in the coming friendlies, the Imperial squad will show us wrong. But, to do this, they will have to study the game and notice and then correct their faults.

The game began with an especially hyperactive Macabee side. Manager Tíer Bergán decided to mix the starting eleven with "regulars" and second-string players. The goal was guarded by Lars Kíendar (first-string) and defended by Bur Xetal, Filep Fernán and Sergi Gut. The midfield was covered by Sergi Bert, Joán Zeneti, Mermán Gert and Terj Mitoraj. Tíer Bergán was obviously banking on offensive power, and as a result placed three strikers on top. These were d'Angiél, Glen and Falsó. It was an impressive, if inexperienced, group of players that showed their value for a short amount of time during the first ten minutes of the first half. But, their energy quickly dissipated.

In the first minute, Terj Mitoraj made a good long pass to Joán Zeneti, who had zipped down the right wing of the field. Zeneti centered, but the ball whipped past the goalbox without meeting a friendly striker. This would not be their only opportunity. Bears Armed's team counterattacked, but was cut off by Xetal deep in the Macabee rear, and this defender made a short pass to midfielder Sergi Bert, who linked with Mitoraj. Mitoraj's long shot was not met with success, and the Imperials had squandered their second opportunity. This would soon come back to haunt them. A quick counterattack by the opponent, steamrolling the Macabee defense, caught Kíendar by surprise and created the 1–0. Ugly defending set the pace for ugly football played by the Macabee National Football Team.

The first half soon stagnated, although Bears Armed manage to take advantage of a disorganized Macabee squad and make the 2–0 before half-time. It was clear that the Golden-Whites would not walk out of Bears Armed with a win tonight. A brief glimpse of hope was seen after the beginning of the second half. In the 63rd minute, Mika d'Angíel, with his usual finesse created the 2–1. The young striker, thanks to a brilliantly accurate center by Joán Zeneti, pounded the black and white ball into the opponent's net. For a brief time, it seemed that the Imperials were on the verge of a comeback. The goal was enough to spark creativity, and at least three more opportunities were created before the 90th minute. But, they all came to naught. In the 89th minute, one of Bears Armed's midfielders fired the ball from behind the middle dividing line of the field, caught Kíendar by surprise, and destroyed any of the Imperials' hopes for a draw; the 3–1 had come. The goal, done from a range of over fifty-two meters, was the most impressive of the game, and the least expected. There was no brilliant play; it was a show of pure power. For the Golden-Whites the game was clearly over.

However, the team did not walk away completely defeated. D'Angiel's goal did show some signs of a team which could make a good play and take advantage of other team's even temporary disadvantages. The problem was that over the course of the game the squad did not play well together, caused by the obvious inexperience. There was no communication, and the midfield hardly helped in defensive tasks. Of the three defenders, Xutal—the winger—was always on top, supporting the offensive, and the two central defenders found it impossible to stop the drive of their Ursine opponents. It becomes apparent that manager Tíer Bergán will have to work on establishing a stronger defense; Sergi Bert did not do a good job as a defensive midfielder, as he was helping the offense most of the time. Bergán will have to find a player willing to stay behind, to cut-off an opponent's counterattack. The team has proved to have a sufficient attack with the likes of Mika d'Angíel, the team's premier striker, and Joán Zeneti, one of the team's best wingers. Now, Bergán simply has to ensure a well-rounded defense to make the best of the offense's goals. There's no use to scoring if your opponent can score more.

After the game, the team headed to their hotels to prepare for their night flight to Nong Nang Ning, where they will play their second friendly of their pre-qualifying tour. They were hosted in the Hotel Exodus, where it seemed that the hotel's staff was bent on making the experience as "Jewish" as possible. Admittedly, "Macabee" was a signal, although it should be noted that the nation's Jewish population is actually extremely small. "Macabees" stems from the name of the royal line which presided over the First Empire and ruled the "Macabee Kingdom" during the Great Civil War (~1890–2005; it was, really, a series of different wars between then-independent states). Macabees has nothing to do with "Maccabees", the latter of which references the Jewish resistance. Although the squad and its management enjoyed the food—Jewish food is actually pretty good, even if there is no pork—they made sure to tell their future hosts that there was no need to treat them "as Jews". Although, there is a certain amount of conviction that the entire set-up was motivated by this false conception (Hotel Exodus). But, that is largely besides the point, and the team made sure to give the hotel's management their thanks for their excellent hospitality.

Around four hours before their flight, the team gave an expected press release. Manager Bergán sat in the middle, flanked by d'Angíel and Mitoraj, on either side. The manager gave his intentions, "Today was a learning experience, and should not be taken as a defeat. We won something very important—knowledge. We will now be better prepared for our game against Nong Nang Ning, which will in turn make us better prepared for our other friendlies. These five friendlies will make us very well prepared for the upcoming World Cup qualifiers, where we will play to the best of our abilities."

He gave particular praise to Joán Zeneti, who showed spectacular control of the ball for his first international match. It seems Zeneti, today, earned himself a permanent spot on the team.

Regardless, the team will travel to their next game with one ounce less of reassurance of their capabilities. They will simply have to focus on not losing by such a wide margin.

This will be edited into the main post tomorrow.

NOTE: RANK IS BY ENTRANTS INTO WC 46 QUALIFIERS. HENCE RANK 7 [DEMOT], RANK 14 [AD’IHAN] AND RANK 29 [KELSSEK], AMONG OTHERS, ARE STILL SHOWN BELOW IN BRACKETS. THESE RANKS ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE CORRECT WORLD RANKING OF THE TEAMS.

GROUP 1
Greal [32]
Bostopia [6]
Chutnusak [55]
Septentrionia [20]
Italia Orientale [61]
Iglesian Archipelago [UNR]

GROUP 2
Dave Campbell [75]
Rymeria [46]
Yelda [76]
Starblaydia [2]
Qazox [19]
Dariusville [41]

GROUP 3
Peisandros [30]
Somewhereistonia [59]
Edward City [42]
Golgothastan [66]
Sorthern Northland [7]
Australiazia [UNR]

GROUP 4
Prux [25]
Lecland [50]
Arroza [38]
Wessia [76]
Kura-Pelland [12]
Nong Nang Ning [63]

GROUP 5
The Archregimancy [15]
Swartaz [76]
Taeshan [29]
Tyrrin [71]
Hypocria [54]
Nethertopia [36]

GROUP 6
Norwellia [64]
Kosovoe [27]
Panuul [57]
Phillips Island [76]
Cafundéu [3]
Akbarabad [37]

GROUP 7
The Islands of Qutar [74]
Jeruselem [17]
West Newmanistan [49]
Cassadaigua [31]
Gordon Bay City [UNR]
Milchama [8]

GROUP 8
Astholm [68]
North Wiedna [UNR]
Rennidan [23]
Bushdome [47]
Valanora [1]
Colbourne [44]

GROUP 9
Rejistania [62]
Pasarga [76]
Achtervolging [51]
Jasiyun [16]
Candelaria And Marquez [4]
Urna Eletrônica [39]

GROUP 10
The Macabees [43]
Newmanistan [28]
The McLaughlin Islands [58]
Steroga [84]
Banten States [71]
Yafor 2 [13]

GROUP 11
Lovisa [18]
West Zirconia [35]
Vephrall [11]
Allemenschen [53]
Carpathia and Ruthenia [76]
O Ale Ale [68]

GROUP 12
The Bear Islands [67]
Threetime [76]
Daehanjeiguk [9]
Jeru FC [23]
Kagdazka [59]
Quintessence of Dust [45]

GROUP 13
Terra Anatidae [70]
Logria [48]
The Holy Empire [5]
Krytenia [21]
Sarzonia [34]
Algal States [UNR]

GROUP 14
Bears Armed [26]
Landau Institute [56]
Silexhera [UNR]
Liventia [40]
Stargate Centurion [71]
Dancougar [10]

GROUP 15
Quakmybush [52]
Bazalonia [24]
Lemetel [83]
Opereta [65]
Secristan [33]
Capitalizt SLANI [14]

Full matchday schedule to be finalised, but tentatively:
MD1: 1v6, 2v5, 3v4
MD2: 5v1, 4v2, 6v3
MD3: 1v4, 2v3, 5v6
MD4: 3v1, 6v2, 4v5
MD5: 1v2, 3v5, 4v6

MD6-MD10 will be reverse of MD1-MD5.

AFC Fort Boston Geesemonkey (now known as “Bostopia” to most of the world and “Those f_____g Bostopians” to the rest) were sat in a bar (which was more used to hosting foreign dignitaries – especially from Sorthern Northland) on the 2nd Floor of Emperor Boston's gaffe.

You know, his gaffe. Big grey thing in Fort Boston. Looks like a Castle, is a Castle, functioned like a Castle til the bods from Health & Safety came round and took away the cannons. Someone had ratted on the Emperor and told them he was firing cannonballs at suspicious looking tourists on the boating lake. He said it was only because they were trying to steal his ducks, but that's not really an acceptable answer nowadays.

He wished for the old days, but Absolute Monarchy had it's downfalls. Like the guillotine.

However, at this point in time, the Emperor was deep mid-conversation.

“So this Cafundelense tax collector walks up to me and he's like 'I though I told you-' and I'm like 'Yeah, whatever!'”

“Really, Bozzo?” Barry Clart, the striker, who was a bit dim, looked enthralled as the Emperor prepared to answer his question.

“No. Now I remember it, he walked up to me, gave me his shopping list, and then I knocked his lights out with a scuba mask and stole his briefcase.”

“And how much of that is true mate?” Garnforth asked.

“All of it. Except the bit about the scuba mask and the briefcase. Wasn't really a walk either, more of a stroll. Not a jog, like. But a stroll.”

“Sure he did. He gave you his shopping list and didn't charge for it.”

“He did! I've got it right here!”

The Emperor produced a bit of paper from his wallet, which Dan McNeill took and read over.

“It's true, y'know. A pencil sharpener, two tons of pick 'n' mix, three packets of Salt and Vinegar Crisps, a 24 pack of some foreign beer and a firelighter.”

“Dan you muppet,” Frank Warmport, the veteran central defender said, “turn it over.”

Dan turned over the reciept to find an invoice from the Cafundéu Government, asking for a large sum of money.

“Sitting Tax, Breathing Tax, Not Paying The Tax Tax, Not Paying The Tax Tax Tax, Not Paying The Tax Tax Tax Tax, Landing Tax, Not Paying The Tax Tax Tax Tax, Fleeing The Country Without Paying Your Not Paying The Tax Tax Tax Tax Tax Tax, Mooring Warships At The Dock Tax, the list goes on... quite a fair bit.”

The Emperor looked grave.

“That's quite a lot of money. Well, suppose I'd better pay it. Passus a pen would ya?”

The Emperor got handed a pen from somewhere off-camera, and began writing a letter.”

“Dear people in Cafundéu what I owe money to.

Please find with this letter a cheque for a large sum of Vintems, to the value of the invoice I got from some bloke at the World Cup hosting draw yesterday.

Also, please find another cheque for a lesser sum that should cover any taxes accrued from me not paying any various taxes between the invoice being printed and this letter getting to you.

I won't bother asking for change, you might as well keep it and go down the pub or something.

Yours Sincerely,

Emperor Boston
Emperor, Confederate States of Bostopia.”

“That should do it. Bring forth the envelope and stamp licking wench!”

“Ur, you don't have one.”

“Oh. Then I shall lick it myse- wait.. then they'll have my DNA. Somebody else lick it.”

“I will!” Someone said in a squeaky voice.

“Who was that?” The Emperor said, sitting up in his chair and looking around like a Meerkat for the volunteer.

“It was Kevin!” Someone said, remembering to turn off their squeaky voice halfway through the sentence.

“Kevin! Good lad! Lick the underside of my face!”

“Eh? You what?” Said Kevin, pulling out his earphones at a most undesirable moment.

“Lick the back of these stamps with my face on them and the envelope.”

“Um... how do I put this? No.” Kevin shoved his earphones back in and went back to drinking coke.

“Well shove it then, I'll have to put it through the franking machine and not only save money but be slightly more economic as well! Bloody disgrace!”

The team collectively shook their heads at the disgrace.

“What now then?” The Emperor said. “It's too early for the World Cup envelopes to be done, and there's no football on telly.”

“We could sit on the benches opposite the Sorthern embassy and look menacing again?” Suggested Tony Protels.

“Naw, already been done.” The Emperor replied. “Hang on a minute, we could put go-kart engines on the back of the pedalos on the lake and have races!”

A massive cheer went up, and off they went.

(Three were slightly injured, Kevin lost his portable music thingy and the Emperor managed to catch a haddock in his back pocket using only a lump of bread, which no-one said was possible but they've got video-footage on at least 5 phones to prove it.)

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/thsdNEWS.png

Triskaidekafragilisticexpialidocious
By Rami Niblick in Emberton

IT'S a potentially lucky thirteen for the Aces after today's group draw, which sees them paired with old and new faces over ten games of World Cup qualification.

The Holy Empire
Will there be cavemen? Krytenia sure hope not. The Aces are undefeated against a homo sapien Frostican side...but lost both games against the Neanderthals.
All Time Record: 5 matches, 3-0-2
Last Match: KRY 1-2 THE, World Cup XLV Qualifying

Sarzonia
A.K.A. "Oh God, not them again!" The Aces' traditional bogey team has softened in recent years...also, no shoot-outs in qualifying - so in theory at least, the Krytenian team should have the advantage.
All Time Record: 11 matches, 3-4*-4 (*includes 2 PK defeats)
Last Match: SRZ 0-1 KRY, Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy II

Logria
Played one, won one. Logria will be participating in their second cup, having acquitted themselves well in World Cup XLV qualifying.
All Time Record: 1 match, 1-0-0
Last Match: KRY 6-2 LOG, Pre-Qualifying Friendly, World Cup XLV

Terra Anatidae
Nope, us neither.
All Time Record: none
Last Match: no previous meetings

Algal States
It's been a while, but the Algals are back after several decades in the ether. Were a nuisance back then...let's not hope for more of the same.
All Time Record: 2 matches, 0-2-0
Last Match: KRY 0-0 ALG, World Cup XXVIII Qualifying

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 12
PRQ: vs [99] Norwellia (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 60,000)
MD1: vs [] Jeru FC (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira
- 55,000)
MD2: @ [] Quintessence of Dust (@ a philosopher's stand next to some big hairy dude)
MD3: @ [132] Threetime (@ Triple Trisomy?)
MD4: vs [110] The Bear Islands (@ Potala, Lasa - 34,000)
MD5: vs [84] Kagdazka (@ Silk Road Stadium, Seoan - 56,000)
MQ: @ [] Taeshan (@ Atlantea Colesseum - a lot of small people)
MD6: @ [] Jeru FC (@ barbarians' hut)
MD7: vs [] Quintessence of Dust (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD8: vs [132] Threetime (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD9: @ [110] The Bear Islands (@ GAH! BARS! ... oh, that's bears, nvm...)
MD10: @ [84] Kagdazka (@ kak po russky...?)
PTQ: @ ghosts?

*** Somewhere Secret ***

The Emperor had just departed the Imperial Residence to a secret underground lair, where his captive prisoner was awaiting his arrival. As such, this was the same prisoner who had murdered his father, and had now murdered a foreign citizen - a Jeruselemite. At its time, the events that follow occurred before the end of the World Cup 45, but for our sake, we shall recount the events here until we can appropriately return the timeshift to the present time. As you may see, what happened was perhaps a shameless episode in the life of the Emperor. As he entered the lair, an emergency caught his guards off-guard, and without warning, the sirens began to sound off. The doors leading to the outdoor section were locked, leaving the guards and the Emperor slightly confused as to the circumstances in which they found themselves.

"What's that sound?" the Emperor asked, curiously.

"That's a bad sound, pyei-ha."

"That's probably why I've never heard it before," he replied. That was obvious; anything as annoying as that sound had to mean something nasty. "What does it mean?"

"It means that there's been a breakout and that the whole complex is in lock-down. I have a feeling that your security has been compromised, sire."

"Can't we get out then?"

"Not under lock-down conditions," the guard answered. "It was designed to contain everything until the situation could be resolved."

"And how long is that?"

"I don't know. It's never happened before."

"What's the threat then?"

"It's in the sublevel. I think our prisoner is trying to escape."

"Trying to escape? You just said that there's no way for that to happen."

"Well... he can try. It doesn't mean that he'll succeed."

"Can't I just open this damned door?"

"Maybe, but it's better that we didn't try. The doors are all sealed and tampering with them could be fatal."

"Because we don't want to die trying to get out of here..."

The Emperor sulked in the somewhat dark hall, as his consort surveyed the perimeter. This was not turning out quite as well as he had expected. And yet, while he thought about how much worse it could be, he decided that it wasn't all too bad. After all, he did come here for a purpose.

He rose to his feet and started walking down the hall.

"Emperor! What are you doing? We should stay put until the situation is rectified!"

"I have an appointment to make," he replied.

"Emperor!"

"Follow me if you wish. But I'm not going to miss my appointment. After all, that's why I'm here."

"This man is dangerous!"

The Emperor looked back at his men. "And I'm not?" After an awkward pause of about two seconds, he turned back and continued walking down the hall. The guards didn't really have much a choice at that point...

*** Lucky Cricket Pub, Hangyeong ***

Min Hansu was waiting by the kitchen door, hoping to hear the telephone ring with the sound of his daughter's voice on the other end. The other patrons looked at him with some pity in their glares. But it didn't matter much to Min, who for the first time had heard from his beautiful daughter, turned actress in the South. Really, she wasn't all too beautiful, but as Hong once remarked, "People from the South are really weird."

"Poor Hansu," Yu said, calmly chewing her chicken. "He's been surely star-struck. He knows that she's not going to call him, doesn't he?"

"You should ask him," Hong replied.

Choe was too busily shoveling chopsticks of rice into his mouth, so Chan skipped him. "She's too irreverent."

Choe didn't seem too happy with the skip. "Ya!" he protested, with a mouthful of rice. Chan was immediately disgusted by the vocal and facial gesture, so much so that he whacked Choe with his geum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guqin). Of course, the bulky instrument was in its case, but Chan seldom used extensions of other valuable instruments to hit anyone, even Choe.

"You're irreverent!" Chan replied, to somewhat comedic effect.

Choe coughed up some grains of rice, pointing at the geum, "You just hit me with that!"

"You probably deserved it," Chan said, returning to his bowl of rice.

"I know, but it didn't!"

Chan paused for just a moment, with a ball of rice stuck between his chopsticks. He turned over to Choe and nodded. "You'ree absolutely right," he said. Having said that, he put down the chopsticks, reached over to the fly swatter, and swiftly turned around to swat Choe.

"That doesn't hurt as much as that thing," Choe replied.

"I know, but you still deserve it more than this does."

Hong and Yu were smiling all the while, so much so that even Chan began to peek out a smile of his own. Choe nodded. "I know you people think I'm scum, and maybe I am with all of these corny poems, but you know... I'm going to be a household name whenever they recite my poetry!"

"They don't make household names with corny poems."

"Watch as I demonstrate!" Choe stood up and went over to a neighboring table, offering a quick little chat. Hong shook his head. "Is it me, or do we seem to be losing our sense of dignity nowadays?"

"You can only lose something if you have it to begin with," Chan replied. "Him, on the other hand..." Chan pointed at Choe. That was the most impolite speech that he had ever used up until that moment.

"You are too harsh on him," Yu said, taking a motherly approach. "He's a special kid, and he's just trying to get his fair share of attention in the world. I mean, the artist's life is a hard one."

"He writes horrible stories, worse poetry... how is he an artist?" Hong asked.

"You, of all people, should know!" Yu replied. "Flowers, though they blossom late, are no less beautiful than those that bloom early."

"My, you are quite the poet," Chan said, raising his cup of soju.

Hong rose his as well. "That was quite a surprise."

"I am a woman too," Yu said. "Just because I'm more handy than either of you doesn't mean squat."

"Well, the difference is that I'm semi-retired," Hong said. "Chan is too old to work, and Choe... "

Chan seemed outraged. "I'm too old to work? And don't I play every Friday evening?"

"And I'm saying you don't work manual labor."

"I never did! I've spent my life playing the geum! The civilized man needs nothing but simple pleasantries to make life's sweet sorrows pass swiftly!"

"I stand corrected..."

"If you see the callouses upon my hands," Chan said, showing his old, worn hands, "they are from my years playing them upon these strings! In fact, I was once quite a virtuous player. But old age steals away my energy, and old bones wither and turn brittle easily these days."

"I suspect that I will start to lose my sight and hearing within a few years," Hong said in response. "I used to practice listening for minute details, and now I can't seem to get them out of my head." He paused to eat some more food. "Either that, or I go insane."

"Insanity is a mask of genius," Choe said, returning to the table dismayed. He apparently wasn't successful in his endeavor. "I'm surprised knew what kind of poetry I was reciting."

"To be fair," Hong said, "it's only been 5 weeks. Hardly enough time to read anything of that sort. And you didn't advertise. It'll take some time before any one recognizes it."

"Maybe I should go back to writing stories?"

"Spare us the horror," Yu said, finishing her chicken.

"That's it!!!" Choe said, clapping his hands as if a sudden burst of eureka had seized his hands. "I'll go out writing horror stories!"

"Right," Hong remarked, "because either they're corny and everyone starts laughing, or they're really scary and everyone loves it."

Yu added her own addendum. "Or it's horrifically awful that the pig farmers will have something cheap for food for once."

"My writing is not pig fodder!"

"Well, it's not going on my bookshelf anytime soon," Yu said.

Just then, the phone rang and the whole bar turned deathly silent. It rang again. And where exactly was Min? Sleeping along the wall next to the kitchen door? Perhaps as much... Kim Seungho had to come over to nudge the man slightly and wake him from his slumber, whereupon Min immediately seized upon the phone.

"Seunghwa?" he cried into the receiver. The rest of the bar listened attentively. "What? What do you mean?"

Pause.

"How is that even possible?"

More pause. Some patron was busily smacking his food before his lovely wife smacked him.

"Alright... I'll be right there... you just... well... I'll be right there!"

Hansu hung up the phone. Everyone seemed confused.

"Is she alright?" Kim asked.

"You're going to go to Gwangdong tonight?" Choe asked.

"She's alright," Min said. "She's stuck at the train station. She's had a little... incident... she needs me to come verify her papers. What's the fastest way to the train station?"

"The bus?" Hong said.

"Which one?"

"The red line - Number 67 is the fastest one to the station from here." Hong politely rose from his chair and put on his jacket. "I'll take you there."

"Ah, thank you." Min turned around to Kim, who was waiting for his words. "Keep the place running. If those cooks are sitting on their lazy butts, kick them into motion. I'll be back as soon as possible."

And with that, Min and Hong left the bar. And they left everyone else quite confused.

"Did she lose her license?" Yu suggested.

"I hope not..." Chan said. "She's too delicate to be tossed into the tempest at a time like this."

"I think I have an idea about which I could write my story..."

*** Hogwang Province ***

Po Hakrim was busily tending the field, as he had done so for the past several months. But he was also so tired, he wished that he could just rest upon the fertile patch of grass near the edge of the terrace. But he couldn't stop, or else his grandmother would surely slap him silly with that bamboo stick. And ever since he'd seen the dragon, who mysteriously helped fix and till the whole plot, he'd longed to feel the joy of rest. And yet, he was stuck trying to tear up of patches of rice stalks to get the grains. No hope for rest or relaxation, to feel the cool breeze of the wind upon his sore body. With a sickle in one hand, a broad-brimmed cap atop, and a basket hanging off his back, he had everything belonging to a extremely laborious worker. Why couldn't he just stay at school?

"Greetings, once more."

Po turned around, nearly dropping the basket and its contents. The dragon had returned!

"Hello, great dragon! Can you help me?"

The dragon rested upon the edge of the terrace. "Why else would I come?"

"I don't know."

"I have seen you for many years, and I have worked you work. It's been a bit of a marvel to watch you toil so long under the hot sun or the looming rain. You are truly worth more to yourself than working in this field of grain. I may help you, but only if you seek to help yourself."

Whoa... what was she saying? Po wasn't quite certain that the dragon was even speaking his language anymore.

"I have to finish this rice by the end of the day."

"I know," the dragon said, gazing out into the fields of rice. "And you've got quite a load to finish. But there will be workers to seek their employ here. You... you have talent."

Talent? Talent for what?

"If you wish for me to help you, you must help me help you."

Boy, now she was talking reciprocally.

"Okay... how can you help me if I don't know how to help you help me?"

At that, the dragon picked up a rock and handed it to Hakrim. It was a dirty rock, as far as he could tell; why the dragon needed help was beyond him.

"This is a special rock, but there is only one manner in which you can help unleash its potential," the dragon said.

"And what is it?"

"You must knock yourself in the head with the rock to unleash its true potential."

Hakrim needed to hear that one again. "You must hit yourself upon the crown with this rock. Otherwise, it will remain as its poor pitiable self. Unleash its power upon the earth and you will reap the rewards of its essence."

Hakrim was still quite skeptical. "Is this just a trick?"

"If it were a trick, I would be laughing."

"I haven't hit my head upon the rock yet."

"I'm sincere. Sometimes, the stones of the earth need some force to temper them into beautiful items of value. Though they are crusted with undesirable traits, refinement can remove those qualities. The rock - through fire - morphs to a new stage, not without its trials and tests. At any time, the rock may shatter into a million times without its full potential realized, but it is the risk of any craftsman who seeks to accentuate beauty in the world. I implore you - hit your head upon the rock."

Hakrim gazed at the rock, still unconvinced. "But aren't there easier ways to do all of that stuff?"

"Sometimes a little blood spilled makes all the difference."

"Can't I just cut my finger? It's less painful..."

"Pain tempers the soul. Just do it."

Without another answer and really wanting the help on a good hot day, Hakrim hit himself.

"Harder."

Hakrim hit himself again.

"Harder still."

"But that really hurt!" Hakrim replied.

"You have not fully unleashed its power. Harder still!"

Needless to say, he did hit himself harder.

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/Companies/MBC.png

Group 12 for Good Luck?

HANGYEONG - The IFA received words that this was the first time that the Han had been drawn into a group with double digits! Double digits! Meanwhile, the IFA has confirmed that Ioshido Toki will be staying for one more tournament, whereupon anything less that the semifinals would be very much scorned. It is largely expected that even if Ioshido Toki were to actually win the World Cup, he would retire at the end of this tour, preferring to return to his quiet life in Cafundéu and perhaps returning to club football.

In the meantime, the Han will be set to play against a number of new opponents, and opponents of new standing but not so new history. One old member is Jeru FC - the dysfunctional army team of a dysfunctionally tragic country. If we remember well, one of the members of the Jeruselemite community was killed last World Cup cycle by a deranged psychopath. No doubt the fixture with them will be interesting, to say the least. After them is the Quintessence of Dust, recently recognized because Samseong decided to spend a lot of money on this country. Whoever cares about country that peddles about petty questions? Well, whatever it was, we're going to be playing them, and I wouldn't call it an easy one either. Our third match incidentally is with Threetime, which sounds three times more than once enough. I can't wait to write the match report for that one... Then we have visits to the Bear Islands and Kadgazka - the former notorious for its BEARS (like Bears Armed, except instead of weapons, they have islands), and the latter notorious for... vodka? And crazy stories written during the 9-month winters about people cutting up their cats with wooden spoons and eating the entrails of moose (I hope they chose the gastronomically intelligent parts). Anyway, lovely times ahead.

I haven't a clue as to what happened during the Group Draw, but I can attest that there was probably a bar, even if it was against the rules to serve at so early an hour. Because in the dictum of those who say it, it's never too early. And in the dictum of those that don't say it, who cares. But there was some interesting selections nonetheless for the Group Draw, some of which spurned of "FIX" from the crowd, incidentally as the Starblaydii delegation reputedly protested the selection of the Qazian team into Group 2 (with Starblaydia) on their behalf. Later on, there was trouble in the parking lot when a mechanic fixed the constipation on Emperor Boston's armored vehicle using a neuralyser; apparently, the Emperor used too much laxative.

As to when the World Cup begins... it's still a long way away, and 5 randomly non-RPing n00bs sitting in our way; whatever that means, we've got lots of work to do.

--> If you click on that, you're a dill.

Dazza: I'm Lilian Dazza Greenly aka Qaz Daz!
Oksana: And I'm Oksana Ferris aka Pups ... and this is Two Bimbos and a Football.
Dazza: It is World Cup 46 time!
Oksana: And the group draw has been done!

Dazza: Firstly, let's see how my home country Qazox fared.
Oksana: She's actually a Qazian.
Dazza: Qazox got placed in Group 2 ... with the Purple Menace ranked 2.
Oksana: The rest of the group seems harmless, with Dariusville ranked 41, and Rymeria 46 as the biggest threats.

Dazza: Dave Campbell 75 and Dave Campbell 76 round off the group as lowest ranked teams.
Oksana: I think them Qazians should be happy.
Dazza: Yes, it looks like friendly group really.
Oksana: Only two ranked above 32, so I think Qazox should be OK

Dazza: Jeru FC! Our team of unlucky army people.
Oksana: They have almost made the 2nd round twice.
Dazza: Group 12 with them crazy Han ranked 9th.
Oksana: Some dusty people from Quintessence of Dust ranked 45 is the next best team. Quoddites I think they called themselves.

Dazza: Kagdazka ranked 59, The Bear Islands 67 and Threetime 76 are the other teams.
Oksana: No unranked teams here, and really the teams below the Quoddites should be performing around the same.
Dazza: There's not much different between teams near bottom really.
Oksana: But our army team are class ahead these days.

Dazza: Now to Group 7. Jeruselem face up to them Maggie loving Milchamians.
Oksana: Your Mum is named Maggie too.
Dazza: I was originally named Lilian Maggie Greenly but I changed my middle name to Dazzarina.
Oksana: See, she's a Maggie too.

Dazza: West Newmanistan ranked 49 and Cassadaigua ranked 31 are other big seeds.
Oksana: Compared to Group 12 and 2, this is a tough group. We are only ranked 17.
Dazza: Qazox is only ranked 19 itself.
Oksana: We'll need to be at our best to progress.

Dazza: The Islands of Qutar are back at 74 and Gordon Bay City unranked are the other teams.
Oksana: Qutar are back, but not the team they used to be.
Dazza: I wonder if Jeruselem would like to swap with Qazox!
Oksana: No, we don't want to play the Purple Menace too many times.

Dazza: That's it from us.
Oksana: Don't miss the friendly against Taeshan.
Dazza: We'll be talking to former coach Ryan Greenly, he's the man!
Oksana: She's not actually related to him.

Things were looking ominous now.
Six months had passed since Paul had said his piece to (or 'at' as is more appropriate) the rough collection of people that ran football in Silexhera and there had been no official meetings since. There had also been little progress with the national team.
Two weeks of drills had sharpened his team's reflexes a bit, and a second game against a university eleven had yielded much more joy, with Gopher Sporaskid netting Silexhera's very unofficial first ever goal after a particularly aimless yet firmly hit cross had ricocheted between a hapless defender's shoulder blades and fell to him a few feet from goal. He'd still needed two attempts to score as his first effort to pass the ball into the corner came back off the goalkeeper's legs. The second effort - a close-your-eyes-and-whack-it shot - had ballooned into the roof of the net, sending Gopher into a wild frenzy of celebration. Silexhera had hung on for the win, even extending their lead with a few minutes left after Kelly Sporadic had rifled a spectacular effort in from about thirty yards. The keeper may have done better though.
That win under their belt the team had continued to apply themselves hard in training and, one-by-one, passing movements and set-plays were coming together. Some of the younger lads were showing promise. That Kelly Sporadic, for example, had bundles of energy and looked like he could actually do something with the ball at his feet. Too bad the rest of his midfield were nigh-on useless, and their options up front were a joke. Come to mention it, the defence were still woefully unorganised, but at least things were coming together, if only bit by bit. The full-backs seemed to be having a better time of it too. With no real wingers, Paul knew Silexhera would struggle to provide service to their lone striker and so the two full-backs, young Smokey Black and the reasonably able Carl Medic, needed to get forward when Silexhera got posession. They'd been doing that alright, but an hour of exertion like that completely took it out of even the fittest players, and the team were invariably on the back foot for the remainder of the game, no matter who they played.
That wasn't the only reason things were looking ominous. The draw for the qualifiers had been announced, and the first match was coming up soon. Televisions all over the country had been showing Silexhera the draw. One by one, the nations of Bears Armed, Landau Institute, Liventia, Stargate Centurion and Dancougar had been drawn out of the hat, before the announcer had pulled a small, black, numbered out of a big hat and declared it to proclaim 'Silexhera, unranked'. Ironic cheers had been heard from Onca to Idiots.
For Paul, the strangest thing was simply hearing the teams being read out, knowing Silexhera was to be one of them. A lot of Silexherans hadn't even heard of a few of them, leading the man behind him in the pub to shout out hilarious things like 'Day-han-jee-gook-what?', 'Reggie's town yeah?' and, albeit showing slightly more nous, "What is this Quintessence of Dust? It delights not me!". Silexhera's introduction had yielded a few gasps, mainly because our name was being spoken on telly, but partially because other names in our group contained things like 'cougar', 'centurion' and, almost scarily, 'armed bears'.
Paul would begin a trek soon to find out as much as he could about his team's opponents, but it wouldn't matter a jot unless he could form some sort of cohesion out of his team's defence.

Grouop Draw Announced

"]Has it truly been a year now? The Purple Knights are yet again ready to begin their qualifying campaign. After an upsetting non-qualifying effort, and then a horrible Cup Of Harmony the Knights are looking to have a better season this year. They are still ranked in the top thrity and with two teams advancing and only one top thirty team besides them in their group it is looking good. In fact the closest team to the top thrity is Nethertopia and they are never good against us.

With an influx of new countries into this tournament including some old countries come anew, this year is a year were many teams are looking to do something even if it is not always qualification. The Group this year includes newcomers Tyrrin, and Swartz, the recently rivived Hypocria, the Falcons of Nethertopia, and old WCC Presidetn The Archregimancy again looking to be a thorn in the Falcons side. Nevertheless it is looking up for the Falcons this year.

Schedule
Prequalifiers
Taeshan @ Sarzonia @ Mike Sarzo Memorial Cup(Mike Sarzo Trophy Game)
Taeshan VS Jeruslem @ Atlantea Coliseum
Matchday 1 VS Tyrrin @ X Island Metropark
Matchday 2 @ Nethertopia
Matchday 3 @ Swartaz
Matchday 4 VS The Archregimancy @ Atlantea Coliseum
Matchday 5 VS Hypocria @ Docktown Memorial Park
Midqualifiers
Taeshan Vs Daehanjeiguk @ Atlantea Coliseum
Taeshan VS Starblaydia @ Docktown Memorial Stadium(Mike Sarzo Trophy)
Taeshan @ Qazox
Matchday 6 @ Tyrrin
Matchday 7 VS Nethertopia @ Docktown Memorial Park
Matchday 8 VS Swartaz @ X Island Metropark
Matchday 9 @ The Archregimancy
Matchday 10 @ Hypocria
Postqualifiers
Taeshan @ Krytenia (Mike Sarzo Trophy)
Taeshan @ Sorthern Northland
Taeshan VS Candelaria @ Marquez @ Docktown Memorial Park
Taeshan VS Qazox @ Atlantea Coliseum

Franz Braddock looked quizzically at the assembled media. It wasn't the fact that Sarzonia were set to face Krytenia three times in this World Cup XLVI cycle that perplexed the octogenarian manager of the Sarzonian national football team.

The source for his confusion was far more basic: Only Daily Mail reporter Travis West sat in the assembled media room.

"What happened?" Braddock asked in his heavily accented English.

"The Portland Press-Herald just cut 30 journalists," West said sombrely.

"Why?"

"Their advertising revenue dropped 70 percent over the last six months."

"That doesn't make sense," Braddock said. "Why are they doing so poorly?"

"Ages old newspaper issues," West said.

"Then why haven't the same problems happened with The Daily Mail?"

"We charge for Internet content," West said. "We include microcharging. If you want to buy access to a single article, you pay five cents. If you want a day pass, you pay 50 cents. If you want full access, you have to subscribe online. Oh, and Craigslist hasn't caught on in Woodstock."

"That's odd. But back to the group draw. Facing The Holy Empire is going to be difficult," Braddock said. "But the Stars faced Cafundéu in the last World Cup cycle. They also faced Valanora and earned two draws against the Vanorians."

"True," West said. "Now what about Krytenia?"

"I know you lads are very familiar with them. Especially when it comes time to beat someone in penalties," Braddock chuckled. "They won't be an easy team to defeat. Seems they remember their history better than many of us do."

"What about the other teams?"

"We don't know much about Logria and we know nothing about Terra Anatidae or Algal States, except they're below us in the rankings. We're going to have to earn as many points as possible against the teams lower than us and hope for the best against the better teams."

West nodded as he started writing notes. Braddock shook his head when he saw the report about the Press-Herald's employment cuts.

"That's a sad situation," he said.

Group Draw Announced

It is finally that time of year again. It's time for the Blue Tornado again to grace the fields of the world. The Tornado are coming of a bad year which included a bad qualifying campaign, and a early outing in the Cup of Harmony. But we shall not give up hope this year as the Tornado are again looking to break back into the World Cup scene looking to easily qualify from their small group in one of the two qualifying positions.

This year the Tornado's group includes 5 other teams allowing one of the shortest qualifying campaigns in their history. 10 matchdays, witch promted the Tornado heads to ask around for their first Friendly matches ever. The group though only brings up one big opponent, Cafundeu. The other teams are necomers Norwellia, Phillips Island, Panuul notories for causing a earlier Taeshan nonqualifier, and Akbarad a team who seems to be the biggest threat to knock the Tornado out after some nifty campaigns.

Schedule
Matchday 1 VS Cafundeu @ The Stadium At Seaside
Matchday 2 @ Philips Island
Matchday 3 VS Panuul @ Westlake Stadium
Matchday 4 @ Akbarad
Matchday 5 @ Norwellia
Matchday 6 @ Cafundeu
Matchday 7 VS Philips Island @ Westlake Stadium
Matchday 8 @ Panuul
Matchday 9 VS Akbarad @ The Stadium At Seaside
Matchday 10 VS Norwellia @ Lakeside-Port Authroity Complex

The Sociologist
News, Comment and Review From Quintessence of Dust's Premier Weekly Magazine

Editor's introduction: As part of a special series of issues timed to coincide with World Cup 46, we've asked a selected group of elite Quintessential commentators to reflect on how involvement in world football has affected Quintessence of Dust, and what impact - for good or bad - the World Cup, probably the nation's most significant interaction with foreign nations outside the World Assembly - has had on domestic life. We begin with Jean-Sebastian Gauche, lead designer of this year's summer collection for Klein & Klein.Football, Fashion, and the Changing Nature of Quodite Society

We Quodites were used to thinking of ourselves as the most boring people in the world. Until we realized that that was actually a pretty interesting attribute, and decided to add a few quirks. So, our President and Secretary of State have a bitchfight, extreme ironing becomes more popular than hockey, and Wilhelm Biber skis to gold in Kelssek wearing that adorable bobblehat. Now, we are no longer boring: just dull. Drab. Dusty.

If there's one way in which this has always manifested itself more than any other, it's been in what we choose to wear. Ask any child from around the world to draw a Quodite, and they'll colour in a suit, and only draw in the head and legs afterwards. This isn't xenophobia: they're right on. Tell you what, try this: put down this article for a minute, look around, and check how many men there are wearing suits. If you're reading at the beach, perhaps some of them might have loosened their ties. If you're reading this in bed with your husband, perhaps, perhaps he might have rolled up his sleeves.

Of course, at Klein & Klein we've never exactly been known for our inventiveness. We were founded in 1914 and specialised in flowing white gowns with the logo of our company, then known as Klein, Klein und Klein, or "KKK", emblazoned on in red. In 1915 sales took a dip after a mysterious PR problem, and eventually Zeke Klein agreed to become a silent partner. Ever since, we've been known by our world famous matter: "You can have your overly tight jeans in any colour - so long as they're black."

It seems like no matter how vast the generational gap, how seismic the upheaval of youth rebellion, how dramatic (oh, shit, I've just remembered: if you're still doing the experiment, you should have picked up the magazine again by now) the break with the old, every Quodite, old or young, is clad in black if they want to look good. Our wardrobes don't have one strategically placed little black dress: if they have any other items of clothes at all, they're tucked away at the back. Our popstars play on elaborate stages, dressed head to foot in black: even Silly Metal play in those wonderful, but oh-so-black, metallic robot costumes.

So when I am asked to say how playing in the World Cup has affected Quodite fashion, I am torn. On the one hand, something on this scale has clearly had a huge impact. Nowy Orpington is being rebuilt. Non-humans are being allowed work contracts. Some of our young people are earning higher salaries than even the most lucrative domestic jobs, like TV presenters or teachers. But has it really made all that much difference to how we dress?

The first thing to note is that there's been little change with regards to the general dislike of wearing sports shirts. We just don't do it. To be honest, this is one Quodite fashion trend I'll be happy to keep static. There's nothing uglier than someone working round in some ill-fitting football shirt emblazoned with gaudy colours and obscure slogans. No matter how popular Wow! or the Blues, no matter how many jump on the MN Smith bandwagon, no matter how successful our football or rugby or hockey teams, no one wants to be seen dead in sports uniform off the pitch. And I don't blame them eschewing our tacky national kit: so last century.

Of course at the other end of the spectrum, you don't need a fashion expert to tell you what this summer's craze will be: Ug-Ug Boots. That's right, two years ago was crazy for Glog Pelts after those crazy days at the UN; now, we're rediscovering our inner Neanderthal through fashionable footwear. The boot range, meant to provide comfort and style, have proved hugely popular among two key consumer groups: younger women, and gays.

They're inspired, of course, by the hero of World Cup 45, Ug-Ug of the Holy Empire. People tell me it's unlikely we'll be seeing Ug-Ug again, which will no doubt come as a disappointment to the thousands of Quodite women who formed a "Hug-Ug" Club, following him around at away matches and setting up overenthusiastic Internet fan sites as they followed his monosyllabic exploits.

What I think is really telling about Ug-Ugs, whether being worn around Highmark City, or being exported to our chain stores around the world, is how much we've come on as a nation. After "the match", which no one really likes to talk about and I missed as I was catching up on a Silver Sisters marathon, where our own team lost to The Holy Empire in a match apparently consisting of humiliation, injury, and second-degree shokushu goukan, no one would want to kit themselves out to resemble the deliverers of our punishment. But that people are actively buying into a merchandising range based on Ug-Ug suggests we've got to grips with our sporting inferiority, and can even have a - dare I say it - sense of humour about the whole thing.

We're also seeing a lot of interest in the new Slutbanger range from our rivals Cold Subject. Personally, I think the Jeruselem-inspired range is a little trashy, but apparently it's what some people are going for. What's sad, of course, is that not everyone choosing to opt for day-glo tanktops and spandex shorts has the physique of, say, Daisy Cartwheeler: flattering, not fattening, should always be the careful shopper's caution.

Lastly, I think it's obvious that one of the biggest effects has been simply to make Quodites more aware of the different cultures out there. Already, Han-style clothing is becoming popular in Nowy Orpington - along with a rather tasteless proliferation of Hangeul tramp stamps. After our World Cup 34 campaign, a line of girls' headbands featuring small elf ears was all the craze in schools - leading to some controversial bans by school boards with significant Quintessential People's Party representation. And now, we're hearing that out in rural Voop, traditionally the most stick-in-the-mud conservative of all Pulona, some people are eschewing springtime modesty for extravagant furs - a nod, no doubt, to FC Drongosnort's acquisition of two Bear players. (Though I do what message of hospitality it sends to wear the skin of their non-sapient brethren...)

In any case, walking the streets it's clear that it's going to take a while before the workers stop wearing suits, the poets stop wearing black, and the woman career from one crash diet to another in order to fit into our latest, depression-inducingly-sized range. But slowly, little by little, the times are a changing: just ask our every own Marina Sundqvist, seen stepping out for a post-training fruit smoothie in a pair of - you guessed it - Ug-Ugs.

THE ROCKET REPORT

NO EXCUSES

Pocono City- It’s time to begin what has so far only been a frustrating experience for Newmanistanians once again. That thing known as World Cup qualifying, and we will all be hoping that the seventh time is indeed the charm. The format is a little different this time as more nations are attempting to qualify, so instead of the ten groups of eight, which has been the story for a few cups in a row now, we get fifteen groups of six as ninety nations comprise the field. Therefore, one must finish in the top two to make it to either Ad’ihan or Kelssek. With the group draw complete, Newmanistan simply has no excuses not to qualify. The Rockets will be in Group 10 with Yafor 2 as the top-ranked opponent. We’ve had some moderate success against them at the junior level, and winning the group should be possible but not necessary. Other then them, no one else in this group should intimidate the Rockets. None of them should knock out Newmanistan, and if they were too then don’t look for Nelson Yaschter to be retained. The chief opponent to knock us out would be The Macabees. Scared? Good, you shouldn’t be. I do not intend to disrespect their team by saying this, and they will put up a fight as they have demonstrated their intentions by going on a world tour of pre-qualifying friendlies. But they should not knock us out. No way, no how. After them, we have The McLaughlin Islands, a fairly average team trying to emerge from the shadows of West Zirconia. That’s not going to happen this time. The bottom ranked teams are the Banten States and Steroga. The Banten States are an unknown, but all that we need to know about them is that it needs to be six points we pick up. Steroga we have some familiarity with in that they are also playing in World Bowl 6, where they have yet to win in nine games. They didn’t do much in the Baptism of Fire, and should be just as ineffective in this brand of football as they are in the gridiron brand.

The key for Newmanistan will be getting off to a good start. We have become all too used to these slow starts and hard charging finishes that have kept us from making the Cup Proper. To date, Newmanistan has only won their first game of qualifying once (World Cup 42). Even worse, that was the only time that we have won in either of our first two games! Such a slow start will kill us this time, and there is no excuse for it as we open up at home with the Banten States then on the road in Steroga. (EDITORS NOTE: THIS WAS PUBLISHED PRIOR TO A REVISION IN THE SCHEDULE. THE CORRECT UPDATED SCHEDULE IS LISTED BELOW) Since there are only ten qualifying games instead of fourteen, there is not as much room for error, and Newmanistan must beat these two opponents. If they do not, then teams like the Macabees will start to gain confidence as they see us back to our “old ways” and unable to shed this gorilla on our backs. Let’s not look at this with a negative frame of mind. Given our past failures, this can be easy to do, but if we had more success to date, then we look at this group draw with complete confidence. Let’s have that confidence even with our prior history. Get ready fans, because what we have been waiting for, for so long is about to happen. There is no excuse for the Rockets not to qualify this time. Start saving up for a trip to Ad’ihan or Kelssek now, they’ll be there when the smoke clears.

Now, about this Bird on Skates. The trophy which is always at stake whenever Newmanistan and Dancougar have met has remained in Newmanistan for quite sometime, and the Black Wings will get another chance to claim it in a pre-qualifying friendly. Despite the world rankings, the Rockets have dominated recent matches against Dancougar, allowing the Bird to be on display in Tundra Falls for quite some time. Luke Brengle, the keeper for the Tundra Falls Mariners and former World Cup starter for Dancougar said of the trophy, “They won’t allow me to see it unless we win! It’s a pretty cool tradition, and it was fun to see it means as much to Newmanistan as it does to Dancougar.” Robert Selvy, former Mariners defender, presently on the national team, who now plays in Dancougar told his team that, “It’s come up a few times while hanging out with my teammates or local fans in Dancougar. They want to win it, but often I use to settle a bet or an argument. We’ve been doing this for 20 years now, I don’t think there are any more Challenge Cups like this that are any longer running, and what makes it great is that we as Newmanistanians have had a recent stranglehold on it despite the fact that Dancougar is the higher ranked side.” Dancougar does have one thing going in their favor, and that’s that other then in World Cup 43 qualifying, the only time they have won it from us is in a pre-qualifying friendly that took place in Newmanistan. Perhaps that also makes this challenge a classic, as the road team has generally been more successful then the home side. A chant of "Mine That Bird!" is expected at the Proving Grounds, as a way of saying that bird is ours, of course, and nothing to do with say, horses.

This is just one of three pre-qualifying friendlies that Newmanistan has, the other two will be in Qazox and in Somewhereistonia. Newmanistan and Qazox have built up a strong rivalry in other sports, particularly baseball and gridiron, but don’t have much football history yet. Perhaps this is the start of an effort to gain more. Somewhereistonia won the Baptism of Fire in Errinundera, and probably benefited from their preparations for that in the Empire Charity Cup. Since they were one of the teams to participate there, the Rockets offered to travel to give them a somewhat marquee matchup at home before qualifying. Interestingly, Somewhereistonia also has a home pre-qualifying friendly against The Macabees. This will provide some good scouting material for Nelson Yaschter as it will be a common opponent that we will both face. Of course, it will for The Macabees as well.

Our official schedule:
Pre-Qual Friendly A: vs Dancougar @ Pocono City Stadium
Pre-Qual Friendly B: @ Qazox
Pre-Qual Friendly C: Q Somewhereistonia
MD1: vs Banten States @ Putnam Lake Stadium
MD2: @ The Macabees
MD3: vs Yafor 2 @ Pocono City Stadium
MD4: vs The McLaughlin Islands @ Olympia Field
MD5: @ Steroga
Mid-Qual Friendly A: vs Bears Armed @ Tundra Falls Proving Grounds
MD6: @ Banten States
MD7: vs The Macabees @ Tundra Falls Proving Grounds
MD8: @ Yafor 2
MD9: @ The McLaughlin Islands
MD10: vs Steroga @ Loudon Stadium
Post-Qual Friendly A: vs Secristan @ Tundra Falls Proving Grounds

MILLIONAIRES DRAWN WITH SLANI

The great nation of Capitalizt SLANI, who’s business ideals are admired throughout the world, or at least through the capitalist world, highlights Secristan’s World Cup 46 group stage opponents. We got a taste of this nation during a recent summer Olympics, and are excited about facing them again. Other then them, we will face Ducks (Quakmybush), Lemetel Soup, and Opera singers (Opereta). Throw in a more normal nation in Bazalonia, and you got yourself a pretty interesting group. In order to qualify for World Cup 46, Secristan will need to finish in the top two overall, and we rank as the third strongest team in the group. The most likely team for us to overtake would be Bazalonia as they are the closest to us in the rankings. This means that we will immediately have an important game on matchday one as we will be in Bazalonia. It’s a difficult road as these are two powerful teams ahead of us, and the Secristan Department of Sports will probably be satisfied with a good run and the appearance that we have at least a mathematical chance of making it until the final day to maximize revenues. The Millionaires will also have two pre-qualifying friendlies, one in Cafundeu and the other at home with Arroza. The Millionaire-Monopolist showdown should get all business people excited, and the matchup with Arroza has become traditional as well. Millionaires-Tar Hornets, well formerly the Tar Hornets and new name to be determined, continues a passionate rivalry that began in basketball, and has played out through football as well as soccer.

The Secristan Department of Sports didn’t seem overly enthusiastic about the drawing power of our group stage opponents. Certainly, SLANI will draw ratings. Quakmybush, despite having a decent ranking and history, doesn’t find that equate to fan interest in Secristan. Opereta is said to have a tie with Urna Eletronica, who was a Baptism of Fire 30 rival, but unless it’s Urna Eletronica, that matchup won’t excite much either. All Lemetel figures to do is get one to crave soup. Progression Soups Company has already agreed to be the primary sponsor of both of those games, so there is one positive. Bazalonia is probably the key. They are a strong team with solid name recognition, but that’s not always a certainty to make people purchase the telecast. With those games likely to be critical, the SDOS is optimistic. The SDOS will also need to factor into consideration the fact that there are only ten opportunities to gain revenue during qualifying, as opposed to the recent fourteen. They will pass this on to the consumer in terms of higher pay-per-view prices then what we likely would have seen. SDOS rep Katie Simpson told us, “We should generate good revenue for World Cup 46. It may fall short of previous World Cups due to fewer games, but the numbers should still be strong. I feel that we will have a good run and give our fans the feeling of a team that may qualify until the end. As long as we do that, we’re fine. From there, we’ll look to either the World Cup Proper or the Cup of Harmony for further opportunities.”

The Millionaires Schedule and pay-per-view rates, as well as minimum bid prices for home games:
Friendly- at Cafundeu- 79R per half, 150R full game.
Friendly- vs Arroza- 49R per half, 90R full game. Minimum Bid- 20R
MD1- at Bazalonia- 119R per half, 225R full game.
MD2- vs Quakmybush- 69R per half, 130R full game. Minimum Bid- 25R.
MD3- vs Capitalizt SLANI- 149R per half, 270R full game. Minimum bid- 80R
MD4- at Opereta- 69R per half, 130R full game
MD5- at Lemetel- 49R per half, 90R full game.
Friendly- vs Qazox- 89R per half, 170R full game. Minimum Bid- 50R
MD6- vs Bazalonia- 79R per half, 150R full game. Minimum Bid- 40R
MD7- at Quakmybush- 79R per half, 150R full game
MD8- at Capitalizt SLANI- 169R per half, 300R full game
MD9- vs Opereta- 39R per half, 70R full game. Minimum bid- 5R
MD10- vs Lemetel- 29R per half, 50R full game. Minimum bid- 2R. (all fans in attendance will a coupon for a free can of soup from Progression Soups)
Friendly- at Newmanistan- 119R per half, 225R full game.

Fans can purchase all 10 qualifying games at once, prior to MD1 for just 1300R (savings of 265R)! A second package, including all friendlies can be purchased for only 1800R! This is an incredible savings of 400R!

Host announcement

Please note the change in matchday schedule (refer to first post of this thread). The new schedule is tentatively finalised. You need not change any RPs up to this point that have referenced the old schedule; they will still count. Of course, it's your perogative if you wish to post a new RP with the updated schedule.

World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Iglesian Archipelago
MD2: Greal VS Bostopia
MD3: Greal VS Chutnusak
MD4: Greal VS Septentrionia
MD5: Greal VS Italia Orientale
MD6: Greal VS Iglesian Archipelago
MD7: Greal VS Bostopia
MD8: Greal VS Chutnusak
MD9: Greal VS Septentrionia
MD10: Greal VS Italia Orientale

Greal is drawn into Group One

Greal has been drawn into Group One with Bostopia, Chutnusak, Septentrionia, Italia Orientale, Iglesian Archipelago. WC45 was a near qualify for Greal and this year, for the fifth straight time, Greal aims to qualify for its first time. Greal has reached an all time high ranking of 32th, but it is doubter there will be any more big gains unless Greal manages to qualify, which is a feat itself. Ross Trent says his team has a better chance of qualifying this year, then any other year. Of the group's opponents, Bostopia is the strongest, and the last match against Bostopia was still fresh in the Greali team's memories. Chutnusak is also a familiar opponent whom Greal has played many times against. All other opponents are untested and will most likely be tough opponents. WC46 will be very interesting to watch this year. There will be a likely large increase in Television viewers.

Meghan’s Space

Can we go back? That is the question on the minds of everyone in Cassadaigua as qualifying for World Cup 46 is right around the corner. First, allow me to introduce myself. I am Meghan Burns, and I was named the captain of the team, replacing the legendary Courtney Ferguson, who called it a career at the end of her last season in Candelaria And Marquez. I play professionally in Newmanistan for the Centralia Cougars, and we are coming off a championship season in that league! What a great season it was for us, and I am hoping to bring some of that experience here to the national team where it can benefit all of us in Cassadaigua. It is really an honor to be named the captain. When Courtney hung them up, no one really knew who would be named the next one, although I did have the feeling I would be considered one of the favorites. I thought that Michelle Fuller, who plays in Dancougar would be the first choice, so I was excited to get the phone call about it. The first thing I wanted to do is make sure that all of my teammates were ok with be being the captain before I formally accepted it. They did, which is good. We don’t see a lot of each other anymore, as so many of us now have gone to pursue other opportunities in the world. In Courtney’s blogs, she often handled the question of why we will never have as successful of a league as other countries and how none of us, as in the best players in the country, ever give our league a chance because we always end up signing for a team somewhere else. It’s a statement that’s louder this year because nine of our eleven starters play for club teams outside of Cassadaigua. The thing is, we cannot pass up the opportunity to play in these more prestigious leagues, and that’s going to continue to happen. I think this is a good thing for us as a national team, because it makes us better players as we go up against stronger competition on a consistent daily basis.

Now let’s get back to this question of whether or not we can qualify for the World Cup once again. Four years ago, it was such a sweet and special ride for us and it didn’t really matter that once we got to Demot that we didn’t put any points on the table. It was disappointing, but it never dampened the mood. We feel that we can go back, but it’s going to take a lot of hard work in passion. We will be in group seven and will be facing Jeruselem, Milchama, West Newmanistan, The Islands of Qutar, and Gordon Bay City. Milchama is the highest ranked team in the group, then Jeruselem, then us. Only two teams will qualify, so we will have to sneak ahead of one of them the way we did to Taeshan four years ago. Despite playing in Newmanistan professionally, I can’t really tell you much about the West Newmanistan team. Milchama, through the years is known for some pretty wacky rosters, but they somehow always seem to get the job done. But the games that have generated the most interest from the fans are the showdowns with Jeruselem. They are known as the Princesses and wear more pink then we do. Despite their goody-goody name, they do not always necessarily act like Princesses, although neither do we. As excited as we are about them, the games will be highly important, as they are probably the team that we’d have to knock out to qualify for the World Cup.


Our Schedule:

FR: vs Dancougar
FR: at Arroza
MD1: vs West Newmanistan
MD2: at Milchama
MD3: vs Gordon Bay City
MD4: at The Islands of Qutar
MD5: vs Jeruselem
FR: at Bears Armed
MD6: at West Newmanistan
MD7: vs Milchama
MD8: at Gordon Bay City
MD9: vs The Islands of Qutar
MD10: at Jeruselem

"...And that concludes the drawing, Jon. Let's take a closer look at our group, and schedule, shall we?"

"Let's just do that, Piet."

Sam Wendell watched as the two hosts of Football @ NPBC Online disappeared and the information regarding the Falcons popped up.

GROUP 5
1 The Archregimancy [15]
2 Swartaz [76]
3 Taeshan [29]
4 Tyrrin [71]
5 Hypocria [54]
6 Nethertopia [36]

Schedule
PrF1: Nethertopia v. The Macabees (Olympic Stadium)
PrF2: Nethertopia v. Sorthern Northland (Olympic Stadium)
PrF3: Nethertopia v. Candelaria And Marquez (Olympic Stadium)
MD1: The Archregimancy - Nethertopia (TBA)
MD2: Nethertopia - Tyrrin (The Castle)
MD3: Swartaz - Nethertopia (TBA)
MD4: Nethertopia - Hypocria (Home of the Dragon)
MD5: Taeshan - Nethertopia (Docktown Memorial Park)
MiF1: Nethertopia - Bears Armed (Olympic Stadium)
MiF2: Ning Nang Nong - Nethertopia (TBA)
MD6: Nethertopia - The Archregimancy (Olympic Stadium)
MD7: Tyrrin - Nethertopia (TBA)
MD8: Nethertopia - Swartaz (The Castle)
MD9: Hypocria - Nethertopia (TBA)
MD10: Nethertopia - Taeshan (Home of the Dragon)
PoF1: Pasarga - Nethertopia
PoF2: Nethertopia - Bostopia (Olympic Stadium)

"Well, Piet, this certainly looks like a tough schedule."

"It certainly does, but by the looks of it we could actually be able to qualify this time. We've got the Archregimancy, who we know from our WC44 qualifying campaign. They'll be a bridge too far, in my eyes."

"True, it's by far the strongest side in our group. But the question is, can we beat Taeshan and Hypocria?"

"There's the main discussion point. We might be able to gain four or six points at both sides, but it's going to be a close call. Hypocria is a past power on it's way back to the top, we should be very careful about underestimating them. Taeshan is of course a team that will be harsh to beat. Admittedly, they've got a better team than we do. Now, Tyrrin and Swartaz are teams that we're both obliged to get 6 points from. If not, we could as well throw our ticket to Kelssek and Ad`ihan in the recycle bin."

"So basically we should be looking for points against Taeshan and Hypocria?"

"Yes. If we're able to gain three, four points against Taeshan and beat Hypocria twice and there aren't any major surprises we should be able to qualify."

"Which would be a premiere for our little country. Imagine... Nethertopia in the World Cup proper... But enough daydreaming! Rob Kietecs, trainer of Sargossian team El Nacional and ex Falcon and Tenderville United trainer will join is today for a deeper analyse. Good day Rob. So tell us, you were a candidate for the Hypocria national team manager job a while ago... Been studying on them?"

"A bit, Piet, A b..." "Urgh..." *zap*

...Halo was broken and taken away
You vanished a... "WorldVision... Bah" *zap*

...Warning about dangers of this phe... "The news, again..."

Sam Wendell turned the 160 inch television off. He wasn't in his manor, close to Mignon for no reason. There was 'work' to do. A fiend of him had organised a lovely game of golf on the Eagle Islands. "Charles! Could you get my golf equipment please, and ready the helicopter?"
A butler of about 60 years old quickly stepped towards his boss. "Quite, sir. We will be ready for takeoff in fifteen minutes, sir."
"Thanks, Charles. I'll show Marc my new swing technique that Audrey has learned me and crush his whole party. How's the weather at this moment, over there?"
Charles smiled. There was more that mister Wendell learned from his golf teacher. Matters that wouldn't make him more loved with his wife. He was just about to answer his question when the ground started shaking ferociously. "Earthquake!" Yelled the servant.
"You think?" Screamed Wendell back. This was odd, to say the least. Never before had an earthquake occurred in Nethertopia...

"Sir, we must get out of the house, or else it will collapse with us in it!" Charles looked into the eyes of his master and he spotted the fear.
Things started to fall, most expensive pots and collector's stuff just shattered on the ground.
The shaking got worse.
The two started to run towards the nearest exit, one hindered through his age, the other through his large state of his body.
Then, the whole ceiling gave in to the violence of the moving earth, collapsing on the duo, landing with a loud crack.

After a while, the earth stopped shaking and everything became silent.

It was starting to sink in for Paul Hart just how difficult this was going to be. No one was expecting Silexhera to get even close to qualifying, but nobody wanted to be humiliated and he was expected to find ways to keep the opponent's scoring down to a minimum. The newly-formed SEXFA weren't helping at all.
It had seemed like a victory at the time. His prolonged outburst at the loosely cobbled-together suits which ran football in the country had, eventually, led to the formation of the Silexheran Football Association (Shortened to 'SEXFA' because Silexherans are weird like that) in what seemed like a decision to let Paul have a proper go at this 'football international lark'. What it actually did was put a load of red tape in between him and where he wanted to be.
The SEXFA's budget allowed for five flights abroad for each of the team's away matches, temporary rental of the City University Athletics stadium, twenty-two cheap looking green football kits, twenty-two cheap looking white football shirts to be used as away colours, and a promise to review Paul's plans to build a purpose-built football stadium on the other side of Granite River. The SEXFA's budget did not extend to Paul being able to do any real research on Silexhera's group 14 opponents. The oppening match, the visit of Liventia, was only a month away and he'd hardly been able to find anything out about them. The records showed they made a pigs ear of qualifying for the last World Cup, and there was very little info on players. They did, however, appear to line up in a rough 3-6-1 formation, which had confused the hell out of Paul, who was counting on teams going for all-out attack on Silexhera. They probably would, mind. 3-6-1 could easily become 3-3-4 with the amount of attack-minded players Liventia could put out.
The captain, Colin Marshall, appeared to have been just that in World Cup 45 qualifying, marshalling his troops from the back, similar to a quarterback in that infernal sport of Gridironbowl-o-plex which had utterly failed to catch on in Silexhera. He may be the key. If we could get one of our bigger, more dopey midfielders to give him one in the knee at the start of the game we could nullify his influence. Last World Cup Liventia had lacked an out-and-out defensive midfielder on the bench to replace the captain. Kenneth Houser, a centre-back who was often employed in defensive midfield for his ball skills, wasn't exactly lauded on Liventia's internet message boards and forums and wouldn't have the same stature on the field as the team's captain. Maybe, just maybe, if he could take the pivot out of the Liventia team, Silexhera would have a chance.
He caught himself saying that out loud. Intentionally hurt an opposing player? It wasn't exactly in the sporting tradition, and he was sure Colin Marshall was bigger and stronger than anyone on his own team anyway. How could he tell one of his players to intentionally hurt someone?
That was something to think about in any case.

Once again it is time for the McLaughlins to taste life outside their islands, as they take on Group Ten of the World Cup Qualifying campaign.

In an attempt to make their parent nation West Zirconia more aware of how their cousins are coping with international football, and also in a cynical attempt to make more money, the islanders sought permission from the West Zirconian FA to stage one of their group matches on the mainland. Rather unexpectedly, the request was granted.

As a result, all but one of the home matches will take place at the 4,500-capacity Joshua McLaughlin Stadium, on the island of McLaughlin Magna. The Newmanistan game will take place at Whitby Park in Snaith, the 21,000-capacity home of WZNL First Division side St. Andrew's.

The schedule will be as follows:

Matchday 1: Steroga (home)
Matchday 2: Banten States (away)
Matchday 3: The Macabees (home)
Matchday 4: Newmanistan (away)
Matchday 5: Yafor 2 (home)

Matchday 6: Steroga (away)
Matchday 7: Banten States (home)
Matchday 8: The Macabees (away)
Matchday 9: Newmanistan (at Whitby Park, Snaith)
Matchday 10:Yafor 2 (away)

Meanwhile, Group Eleven sees their despairing cousins West Zirconia attempt another futile qualifying series. They come into this group as third seeds, so it may not be as futile as people think.

The schedule is as follows:

Matchday 1: Carpathia and Ruthenia (at City of Houghton Stadium, Houghton)
Matchday 2: Lovisa (away)
Matchday 3: O Ale Ale (at KPM Stadium, Snaith)
Matchday 4: Vephrall (at Manchester Street, Moorcroft)
Matchday 5: Allemenschen (away)

Matchday 6: Carpathia and Ruthenia (away)
Matchday 7: Lovisa (at Williamson Park, Banks)
Matchday 8: O Ale Ale (away)
Matchday 9: Vephrall (away)
Matchday 10:Allemenschen (at STORMGroup Stadium, Mort Park)

Good luck...

OOC: For context see our roster post (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14749715&postcount=12), our BoF posts (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=590530), our woefully unupdated wiki page (http://nswiki.net/index.php?title=Golgothastan), and our region's rage storm of awesome newspaper (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=1047). This post is intended to 1) set up our RP arc and 2) explain a bit about Sæglópur for visiting teams. The below assumes the WC immediately follows the BoF; for those operating 'time dilation technology', just assume the Ný batterí went on a two-year binge.

Jack Barryson woke up with an urgency born of necessity, not desire. He was not a 'morning person'. Yet nor he was a 'getting yelled at in the morning person', so he knew he had to get out quickly. He retrieved his shorts, flicking his shorts from the ceiling fan as he wielded his belt like Indiana Jones (or so he thought) and puzzling over the location of his second shoe for a moment. She stirred slightly, and for a moment he thought about just making for the street in his socks. Then he thought of the average condition of a Golgothastani street on a Sunday morning. Better find that shoe. It turned out to be lodged under the bed, and pulling it clear produced more rumbling movements from beneath the piled duvet. A slender arm emerged.

"Jack?"

He thought he could feel a giant ball bearing down on him.

* * * * *

Extracting himself eventually proved not too tricky. He offered to make her coffee and after a few awkward pleasantries, she helped him get his vest out of the toaster, and went to find a pen to write down her number, during which time he furiously scoured her kitchen noticeboard for signs of her name. When she later angrily expelled him, as such, he felt he was justified in yelling back, "Who writes their CAT'S name on the front of their address book?"

After that, though, the morning brightened a little. It rained, of course, and as he walked into town - he'd been stabbed once too many times to take the bus, and the Metro had been closed as a symbolic and rather pointless snub to Iglesian Archipelago - he witnessed three hijackings and two muggings. But, still, it had been a while since he'd had a Sunday free. He'd given the squad the weekend off after the Baptism of Fire so they'd be rested up before travelling to Edward City. All in all, there were worse cities to stroll through on a Sunday morning than Sæglópur. Gunfire echoed in the distance. Probably. Probably, there were worse cities. There had to be at least one, somewhere...

The woman - he still couldn't remember her name, though amid the ringing hangover he was getting overtones of "J-" - lived out in the suburbs, so his walk took him through successive bands of increasingly crippling urban decline. Sæglópur, formerly known as New New York, still bore heavily the scars of the country's favourite pastime, rioting, as well as various patches of rubble still unbuilt after the - serious deep moment - struggle to liberate the nation from monarchical oppression. And of course - snap back again - even the newest shops had undergone hasty jobs to reflect the Sigurrosisation of the country - they'd even got a McDonald's, promptly renamed McDauðalagið's. The golden arches had been rearranged to try to conjure up the sense of longing and strained belief evoked by soaring bowed guitar. It didn't really work, and put him right off nipping for a quick Fljótavík Burger with Diet BLAST! and extra fries. He decided instead to head to the central market, one of the places where you could buy fresh, i.e. non-Golgothastani, food.

He walked past the Veröld ný óg óð. Their first home game would be against Sorthern Northland. A couple of officials with nets were already combing around the ground to prevent any swans entering - apparently the Northlanders found these might offputting. Jack found them ok, with ketchup and a dash of tabasco, but they'd been instructed to be as hospitable as possible. Which for Golgothastanis was still not exactly welcoming. A large sign outside the stadium announced "OUR KICK RACISM OUT OF FOOTBALL DOES NOT REQUIRE KICKING FOREIGNERS IN THE TEETH". He doubted many would take much notice.

It's not that Golgothastanis were racist. Their constitution, which mostly consisted of poorly transcribed snippets of West Wing dialogue and half a cocktail menu - as such, the protection from unreasonable searches was to be served with a twist - had plenty of fluffly language about racial tolerance. Jack himself, when a UN Ambassador and pop politics author, had advocated fluffarchism, which concluded that racism was Not Nice. But they hadn't had a great deal of exposure to foreign cultures. Jack remembered an instance from university.

He'd brought some friends home over one of the holidays - Golgothastanis have more holidays per week than most nations have per year - among whom a couple were gay. His mother, on being introduced, had asked one if she had a boyfriend. The girl had replied, "No, but I have a girlfriend." After a moment, his mother cooed, "Ooh, that's nice!"

Well, that pretty much summed up the way Golgothastanis treated foreigners - a mixture of awe, condescension, antipathy, suspicion, curiosity, and hate-terror. They tried to adapt to foreign customs but this often backfired. If they went to visit a Mexican family, they would arrive decked out in enormous sombreros. They explained everything to Kennyite tourists in incredibly loud, short sentences using simple words. And the lesser said about the time a delegation from the Vatican visited the better. The Pope still needs to rub ointment on it, apparently, while Golgothastan became the only country in history to have been excommunicated.

He arrived at New Brick Lane. Modelled on a famous London street, it was an exotic mix of customs and traditions, from Jewish gangs and Bangladeshi curryhouses to clothes shops selling the latest Quodite fashions and darkly lit Turkish bars full of coked-out hipsters with amazing hair. Of course, when he was young, it hadn't been like this, but young people just didn't appreciate authenticity anymore. He sighed, and walked on towards the open market. It smelled good: today, he guessed by the profusion of crude cartoons and appallingly insensitive banners, was Japanese day. He skipped the stall selling Tentacle Grape to savour some sushi from The Hiroshima Hut.

The line at the udon noodle cart was long, but moving fast, so he lined up, saying hi to a couple of people he recognised as he waited. To clarify, Golgothastanis don't exactly queue, or rather, the chief body part involved in queueing is the elbow. He made his way to the front, clocking a young man wearing a check shirt that showed his ribs with a beautiful straight to the nose, and ordered a bowl. A bit dear, but it was reviving.

As he turned around, he encountered a familiar face. "Hrafn?"

The kid grinned. "Hi Jack."

"You made it back, then."

"Yeah. Errinundera gets old fast. I mean, the laxity of law enforcement is nice, but in the end I cracked. I had to have some meat."

"I know. I took all the boys out for steak the minute we got back. You should have come."

"No, no, I had some stuff to sort out. But don't worry: I'll be on my best behaviour in Edward City."

"Good. It'll be good to have you back in the team. Wanna take a walk?" Jack lit another cigarette, tossing his first lighter of the morning aside.

"Sure, but only as far as the end - I'm setting up."

"You work here on Sundays - I'd forgotten. What is it this time - 100% genuine Islamic prayer mats pointing directly to Macclesfield?"

"No, I've branched out. This week it's sporting memorabilia. Old tickets, a trophy, scarves, that sort of thing."

"So, in other words, everything you lifted off the other teams? Ha, Hrafn, you amaze me. Ha ha." Jack laughed a little more as he slowed to a dead stop.

Hrafn carried on for a moment, then looked around. "What's up - got a floater in your noodles?"

"No. Wait. You said - you said 'a trophy'."

"Yes."

"We didn't win a trophy."

"I know."

"And yet you have one. To sell." He took a step back, then a step forward, then one sideways. He translated his next step through five dimensions. He lit another cigarette. "Hrafn, I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you didn't steal the Baptism of Fire trophy."

Hrafn looked him in the eye. "Jack, 'steal' is such an ugly word..."

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
QFA releases schedule for World Cup 46

Derek Drake, Chair of the Quintessential Football Association, today released the list of grounds to be used for home qualifying games in the lead-up to World Cup 46 after the WCC released the group draw. Drake also spoke briefly at an informal press conference to deny rumours of sapping team morale after the increasingly tense relationship between the footballers and QBS, the national television operators who will be broadcasting all games, in the wake of the break-up of Peter Rogers and Alyssa Banana. He also spoke out sternly on the club-country issue, demanding that all teams make their players available for the duration of the tournament.

Late transfers that saw the university leagues controversially ploughed for talent, mainly by the Rahlia Regals (affiliated with the State University of Pulona) and New Cleethorpes Athletic (with links to the University of West Sponson) mean more squad members will suffer clashes between the World Cup and the QuinTel Not-Really-Very-Premier League, although Drake stressed he would make every endeavour to keep prohibitive conflicts to a minimum. He also said he expected the same of foreign clubs.

Perhaps the biggest surprise in the squad is the inclusion of Marko Drescher ahead of Goshinho. Drescher had a reasonable season with Newmanistan's Loudon Leopards, who finished second, and has four years on the still young Goshinho, who nonetheless is expected to appear as a substitute. Billy Hudson, who featured in the Atlantea Hurricanes's predictable title defence in Taeshan's league, also appears as a reserve.

However, for Quintessence of Dust, the World Cup will begin with the story of the old, not the young, as they play a friendly against Wysterian rivals Achtervolging at the National Stadium of Sports designed to act as a testimonial for David Yellowback, Frederic Renard, Dino Achten, and the Azzinio brothers, who between them have earned over 300 international caps. There follows a friendly against the Second Golden Empire at the Goldfish Bowl in Piedmont, West Sponson - many will perhaps be hoping that local UWS economist Júlía Maria Jónsdóttir doesn't end up giving the visitors a lecture on the dramatic liberalisation of their economy. The team then travels to Septentrionia for a final friendly.

After travelling to The Bear Islands, the side then receive Jeru FC at the Eli F. Baker Memorial Arena. They then travel to newcomers Threetime, before facing Baptism of Fire finalists Kagdazka in what is considered the country's most eco-friendly stadium, Greschmeier's Northern Astrodome. The second half of qualifying sees three Eastern fixtures: the team begins by receiving the Bears, with a match at the Holy Immaculate Stadium of Saint Grapefruit, homeground of some perhaps distant cousins recently signed to FC Drongosnort. They will then play Threetime at the Grand Regal Douchebag Arena in Rahlia, before facing the group's toughest opposition, Daehanjeiguk, in The Arena of Dreams - a stadium that Han company Samseong has recently invested in rebuilding. A special carnival of events is planned in Nowy Orpington to coincide with the game. A post-qualifying friendly against Norwellia will played in the Colonies, at the Sam-is-That? Stadium.

The schedule shows a marked Eastern bias, and is the first time no qualifying games will be played in either the West or Highmark. New Cleethorpes itself has not earned even a friendly. Drake responded to criticism by waffling some vague shit that does nothing to obscure the cold hard truth that the QFA is an organ of Social Democratic tyranny determined to shut out the West from participation in international culture. Drake also denied press relations had been "strained" as the notoriously cliquey national media rallied behind Banana, who this week had a feature interview with popular women's magazine warmth!, in which she described her determination for revenge on Peter Rogers.

http://img5.imageshack.us/img5/6889/warmth.png
Banana's magazine interview has caused concerns

The interview followed a nasty on-set incident where she attempted to choke to death an eight year old wearing an AFC MN Smith t-shirt. Happy Kids Hour ceased transmission, with a message blaming "technical difficulties", and resumed twenty minutes later with an obviously sedated Banana reading messages from cards sent into the show in a bland and slightly creepy monotone. It is now rumoured that coach Edward "Big Ted" Large is worried about losing the press battle, always a key part of any World Cup campaign, and is privately encouraging players to help boost the team's image. Woody Cockbadger, the young midfielder who was the Quodite star of the Empire Charity Cup, denied such rumours while reading Beowulf to a child with leukemia.

Provisional home schedule

Friendly: v Achtervolging (@ National Stadium of Sports, Highmark City)
Friendly: v The Macabees (@ Goldfish Bowl, Piedmont)
MD2: v Jeru FC (@ Eli F. Baker Memorial Arena, Dareb)
MD4: v Kagdazka (@ Northern Astrodome, Greschmeier)
MD6: v The Bear Islands (@ Holy Immaculate Stadium of Saint Grapefruit the Anomic)
MD8: v Threetime (@ Grand Regal Douchebag Stadium, Rahlia)
MD10: v Daehanjeiguk (@ The Arena of Dreams, Nowy Orpington)
Friendly: v Norwellia (@ Sam-is-That? Stadium, North Island West)

Akbarabad set to begin World Cup Campaign.

(Akbarabad press, AP): The Akbarabad national team starts their world cup qualifying campaign with an away game against Norwellia. The rest of the Schedule has been released as well with Kosovoe and Cafundéu likely to be the biggest obstacle to qualification.

MD1: @ Norwellia
MD2: vs Panuul @ Akbarabd National Stadium
MD3: @ Cafundéu
MD4: vs Kosovoe @ Akbarabd National Stadium
MD5: @ Phillips Island
MD6: vs Norwellia @ Akbarabd National Stadium
MD7: @ Panuul
MD8: vs Cafundéu @ Akbarabd National Stadium
MD9: @ Kosovoe
MD10: vs Phillips Island @ Akbarabd National Stadium

Somewhere in Thasos...

"Fuck."
"Huh?"
"I can't fucking believe it."
"Settle down, what's up?"

"Just saw the 46 squad on TV."
"And?"
"It's a good fucking squad!"
"Heh, I thought you were pissed."

"No way man. This is good. For once Pappas has followed form and left a few out! Plus his son isn't there which makes me very happy and a little richer."
"Didn't he break his arm? And how does that make you richer?"
"Nah his ankle... Or something. Don't know. He isn't playing though! Had a bet with Gary that Calisto wouldn't play this World Cup, stoked."
"Hmm, poor Gary. Did Lefteris make it?"

"Shit yes he did. Kid is on form. He had a mint Di Bradini and I think the overseas experience worked wonders."
"Yeah, he is hot too."
"Huh?"
"What?"

"Are you gay?"
"No! He's just a good looking man."
"Pfft, okay then."
"Anyway, back to the squad. Any surprises?"

"Not really. I mean, a few new faces like Nino and Zurlo. I'm pretty sure they're the only two without Cup or Bradini experience."
"Shit that is strong, but will we actually get through?"
"Well we're seeded second in our group and the top two go through, so you would hope so."
"Only the top two this year?"

"Yeah, 'cause there are like 90 teams trying to qualify or something, so there are 15 groups."
"That'll make it tough."
"It will and there are some really good teams just behind us in ranking which should be interesting."
"Well we better qualify. I want the boys to show that our 2nd round finish in 44 wasn't a fluke."

In an effort to quench my extreme distaste of Norwegians at the moment...

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 12
PRQ: vs ghosts
MD1: @ Vephrall (@ oh noz!!! MEICE!!! it's a herd of MEICE!!!)
MD2: @ O Ale Ale (@ oh noz!!! BEER!!! it's gallons of wasted BEER!!!)
MD3: vs Carpathia and Ruthenia (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MD4: @ Lovisa (@ oh noz!!! POSTS!!! it's those weird POSTS!!!)
MD5: vs West Zirconia (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MQ: @ ghosts
MD6: vs Vephrall (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MD7: vs O Ale Ale (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MD8: @ Carpathia and Ruthenia (@oh noz!!! VAMPIRES!!! it's next to those damned VAMPIRES!!!)
MD9: vs (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MD10: @ West Zirconia (@ STORMGroup Stadium, Mort Park - oh noz!!! DIAMONDS!!! It's fake western DIAMONDS!!!)
PTQ: vs ghosts?

Lectures with Dr. Friedrich van Dusseldorf am Rhein

Lecture 1 - Xeno Genetics 101 (aka Xenetics)

Und ve are here today to discuss de fundamentals of xeno genetics. And vat are dese fundamentals come from? Dey come from de same fundamentals of genetics dat Herr Mendel disposed some centuries befor. ALSO! Ve can deduce dat de same principles of Mendelian genetics are at play in de vierd velt of xeno genetics.

Und vat is xeno genetics?

(student answers)

Nein! It is not de evolution of de Vorrier Princess! It is de study of genetics of alien organisms. Ve vill have a demonstrations later today. Vor now, ve vill be content to have de idea in our head. ALSO! Vat is de basic fundamental of xeno genetics?

(students answer)

I just told it to you just vife seconds ago! Mendelian Genetics! Also, de fundamentals of Mendelian genetics ve find are de same no matter vit vat genetics you play. If you cross a horse vit a pig, you vill get half de horse genes und half de pig genes in de new organism. Vetter it is viable or not is up to natural selection to decide! Und also... ve have dis pig-horse dat is now a new organism, und it has its own progeny. Vat are de proportion of genes distributed to de progeny? Half from de half of de horse; half from de half of de pig; und half from vatever else dere is to cross. A chicken! Also de final species vill have 50% of de genes of de parent chicken, 25% of de genes of de horse; und 25% of de genes of de pig. But is dat really de case? If ve remember dat de organisms here are diploid, den vat ve really have is an organism dat has 100% of de genes of a chicken, 50% of de genes of a horse, und 50% of de genes of a pig. Dis is de new organism, und it is very strange indeed. Vat sort of interesting zings vill come out of dis unholy marriage of horse, pig, and chicken? Dat vill be a discussion fur einoder class at einoder time.

Fur now, ve must discuss de principles of Mendelian genetics vonce more! If ve have a pea flower here und it grows, ve grow a vhite flower und it grows, und ve cross dem togeder, vat do ve get?

(students answer)

Ve do not get de purple man-eating flowers!!! Ve just get de simple purple flowers. Ve did not add de crucial man-eating genes in dis demonstration. But fur now, ve have de purple flowers. Und vhen ve cross dese purple flowers togeder, vat do ve get?

(students answer)

Vat are you people, das dumpkopfen? Ve did not add de man-eating genes in dis demonstration. Ve do not have man-eating flowers. But vat ve do have is purple und vhite flowers. Und vhite. Dat is interesting. Vere did de vhite come from?

(students answer)

Gut! De vhite genes vere alvays dere! Ve had dem hidden. Ve call dat rezessive trait, since it rezesses in presence of a dominant trait. A dominant trait - vat is dat in dis case?

(students answer)

Ja!!! De purple flowers are de dominant trait. Also... ve can find dat de ratio of de purple flowers to de vhite flowers is a close tree to vone ratio. Tree to vone... vere did dat come from?

(students answer)

Jaha!!! Korrekt! Dat is de phenotypic ratio, but ve have not done de genotypic ratio yet. Also, Frau.... vat is your name?

(student answers)

Frau Yessica! Vone to two to vone! Vone dominant homozygous; two heterozygous; vone rezessive homozygous. Dese terms are important to de dinking of Mendelian genetics vonce ve get beyond de ratios. Homozygous means dat de alleles are de same. Heterozygous means dat dey are not. Dat is all ve need to know at de moment, but ve must apply dese principles to xeno genetics now. Also...

(large cage appears)

(what I am writing right here is derived from a real fabrication by a student at a middle school where I taught earlier today before some Norwegian drowned my spirit)

Ve have brought to you from de velt of de almighty Chuck Norrification Fire-breating Taco Water Enchiladas, dese specimen are known as space vombats! Dese are very dangerous creatures.

(space wombat farts toxic gas)

As you can see, dey can fart toxic gas. Dis male can breat fire. But ve have found dat de gene controlling toxic fart und breating fire are vone und de same. Also! let us suppose dat ve vant to cross dis fire-breating male space vombat vit de toxic-farting female space vombat! Let us assume dat dey are both homozygous. Ve cross de space vombats and vat should ve find?

(students answer)

Nein... ve do not find dat. Ve vill find dat de fire-breating is actually dominant to toxic farting. Also, if ve breed de two togeder, vat do ve find?

(students answer)

JA! Fire-breating space vombats! Und if ve breed those progeny?

(students answer)

JAHA!!! A purfect ratio of fire-breating space vombats to toxic-farting space vombats. Vat is der ratio?

(students answer)

Nein... Not vone to two to vone! Dis is phenotype! Tree to vone!!! Vat is de genotypic ratio?

(students answer)

Ja! Vone to two to vone. *pause* Ve vill find dat dis is not quite de korrekt story vhen ve explore autosomal versus sex-linked traits. Vat ve vill find is dat de fire-breating trait is in fact a sex-linked trait associated vit de female-determining chromosome. Also ve vill bring back de space vombats after ve have talked about dat at a later date. Class is dismissed. Have a gut day!

*** Republican Palace, Allenheim ***

Koryatsky was reading the news. He had just finished his routine carp-feeding session with the SLANI tourists, and purple-stinging nellie rush hour was just finished. He was sick and tired of the purple-stinging nellies harassing him, but he was too tired to think about anything but the nellies so he turned his attention to the news. Usually, there was something good on the news. Unfortunately, his holograph screen output was screwed up by some stupid pen cap that was blocking the input lens - the mechanic wouldn't be around until tomorrow to fix the problem so he'd have to read the news the old fashioned way.

"In reports, West Allemenschen has voted to have a Council to have a Council over having a Council of a Council for purple-stinging nellie rehabilitation into the Council headquarters for the Council to have a Council over separating from the Republic Council at Allenheim. The measure was debated thoroughly as many opinions flared on the floor. For the record 1093rd time, the Honorable Kaleb Kavlovsky suggested a vote to hold a separate Council to have a Council discuss the discussions of that Council's debate. The measure passed unanimously. Doubtless, this will not go well with the Finance Council, which recently voted down a proposal to have a Council to discuss the Council for the Finance Council's appropriation of additional funds for the Council to disperse to the Council for use by the Councils in place. The momentous unanimity was celebrated with cheesecake and fried potatoes of an unambiguously foreign origin."

Koryatsky was awash with mixed feelings. "How dare they vote to have another Council! This is overstepping the Republic's authority to establish Councils!" He called upon Prime Minister Kowak to the lounge, where he could the problem in private.

"Those damned Westerners are trying to usurp Republic authority by voting upon establishing their own Councils! What will happen next?"

"I should dread that they might think to vote to have another Council."

"Oh, they had better not!" Koryatsky roared. "This makes me so much madder than those ubiquitous purple-stinging nellies. At least they don't vote without Republican authority!"

"They don't vote at all."

"Exactly!" Koryatsky rubbed his head. "I think it's time that we showed those Westerners who is boss. We'll demonstrate to them why the Republic is strong. We'll invade them with our superior army and crush them once and for all. That'll teach them to vote on their own Councils without Republican authority!"

"I'd support that measure... except we don't exactly have an army."

"We don't? Isn't it stated somewhere in our Constitution that we have to have an army?"

"It states that we can't have an army."

"Oh... bummer... maybe if we propose an amendment."

"That won't go too well with the Republican Council. A lot of people are opposed to enrolling into an army. It's a sweaty business and they don't like sweating."

"Well, someone's got to sweat or else those Westerners are going to keep voting on Councils of their own. Who knows? They might legalize having your own Council!"

"That would be dreadful!"

"So who's going to sweat?"

"We could have a Council to discuss that..."

"We could... In fact, we should!" He nodded with vehement approval. "Wilyelm! I need you to write a letter to the Ministers! We must convene a Council to discuss the adoption of a resolution to authorize the establishment of an army!"

"Indeed!" Kowak immediately reached for some paper. He nonchalantly grabbed the newspaper and started to read the highlights. "Oh, the Allenfolk are slotted in Group 11 with Vephrall, Lovisa, West Zirconia, Carpathia and Ruthenia, and O Ale Ale..."

"That's nice and all, but we really need to write the letter."

"Indeed!" Kowak reached for his pocket. "I don't have a pen."

"Oh, what is wrong with you?" Koryatsky said, reaching for his own pen.

"Something's wrong with your shirt, Marek," Kowak noted. "It's got a huge black stain. It... it... it looks like a purple-stinging nellie sting."

At that, Koryatsky needed nothing more than to faint at the sight of the huge black stain. But he did.

La Repubblica Sport

Italia Orientale Set to Begin World Cup XLVI Qualifying

Team Looking to follow up Solid Baptism of Fire Campaign with World Cup Success

Tripoli, Italia Orientale – Italia Orientale’s national team continued its preparation for the World Cup and its opening opponent, Bostopia. “I’ve heard that they’re an excellent squad,” said team captain Roberto Torinese, “we got to watch them on film yesterday, and they will certainly be a tough opponent.” Coach Hossein Lippi echoed those comments saying, “any time you get into a competition of this level, there are going to be no easy games.”

The Golden Eagles are looking to keep the momentum they built up following a very good showing at the Baptism of Fire, finishing in fourth. They reached the semi-finals before being knocked off by Kagdazka 1-0 in overtime. They then went on to lose the 3rd Place game in overtime as well, this time 3-2 to Landau Institute. Despite the disappointing finish, the team outscored opponents 21-8 over the course of the tournament, led by Ishmael Tarblus (7 Goals) and Luca Del Castello (6 Goals). When asked if he could surpass his previous goal total in this tournament, Tarblus responded, “I don’t like to set statistical goals for myself, my goal is always to just go out there and wreak as much havoc as I can on the our opponent.” Overall, the Golden Eagles finished the tournament with 5 wins, 2 losses, and a draw, with the two losses coming in the last two games.

Coach Lippi decided to announce the starting line-ups for their opening game at his press conference following practice. The line-up is exactly the same as the one the Golden Eagles used in the Baptism of Fire except Tariq Aziz replaces Muhammad Paoloni. Asked why he decided to make the switch, Lippi said that he wanted to reward Aziz for his excellent, and thoroughly unexpected, performance in the previous tournament. Coming off the bench and not even playing in all of the team’s games, Aziz still managed to score more goals and record more assists than Paoloni.

While team morale seems to be as high as ever, there is one possible point of tension in the locker room between the team’s rising star, Midfielder Hossein Bolognese and Goalkeeper Amir Amir. Rumors surfaced earlier in the week that Bolognese may be having an affair with Amir’s wife. While there has been no proof of these allegations, both players denied them, they are certainly not on friendly terms. Amir was congratulating his teammates for a good effort at the end of practice, but as Bolognese walked by to shake his hand, the goalie just turned and walked away from him. Hopefully this personal conflict will not affect the team’s play on the field. Asked how he felt about the situation, Golden Eagles’ enforcer Paolo Mastino said, “as long as they keep it between them I don’t care, but if it spills into the locker room, then they’ll have to deal with me.”

There was a good fan turn out for the practice today on a beautiful afternoon at the Stadio Tripolitano. The most popular jerseys worn amongst the fans today were those of Bolognese, Tarblus, and Torinese.

Dear Emperor Boston,

I write to you about our upcoming fixtures in the world of soccer. As you might know, Septentrionia and Bostopia will be facing each other three times during the upcoming World Cup Qualifiers. Once in that "charity" event your money will be going to "The Emperor's fund for tanks", twice in the "Why the hell do we even play, we're going to qualify anyway competition". I just want to wish you and your team "good luck" for the World Cup. Seriously, may the best team win. Honest. You can trust me, even if I'm a foreigner, don't worry.

In other news, I'm writing you about that order of Landsberg you sent me. WHAT. THE. FUCK? I clearly told you last time we met that I disliked that piece of crap beer. The only reason I accepted them sponsorizing our competition was because you threatened to sing your idiotic national anthem nobody even in Bostopia likes if we didn't choose them as the sponsor. We never agreed to receive such a poor quality of product here. Although maybe Jimmy Sheridan (yes, he still works for us) might like it.

About him, well he just got a kid with a Bostopian expatriate called Elizabeth Linekay. The child is called Joeseph Sheridun. No, that's not a typo: the catholic priest who baptized the child got drunk by drinking too much of the "blood of the Christ". Needless to say that he saw leprechauns enter the Église Saint-Patrick in Ourseville and tried to fight them without any success.

Finally, Béatrice Mercure wanted me to tell you that she likes you. She always wanted to meet people with the same train of thought as her and she would gladly welcome a meeting with you at the place that is the best for you. She also reminds you that she hates liberals, foreigners and mad operators.

I'm waiting for a response soon, if you want to be a paypal of mine.

Bernard Therrien, Président de Septentrionie

Jeruselem Government News

Ask Crazy Marie

Want to ask someone for advice? Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas is willing to provide the answers! Whether you actually follow up on her advice is up to you.

Q:

Hi Marie, my parents want me to join the army to learn discipline. I've heard the army isn't exactly the kind of place my parents think it is. Can you help?

Confused girl

A:

I'm proud of our army and good people in it. However, it's not the disciplinarian Utopia your parents think it is. Yes, you will learn discipline but the army is also full of disfunctional weirdos like in society. In fact, a lot of disfunctional weirdos join the army because they can't handle normal life. I say, if you want to learn discpline - become a Nun. Otherwise, just do something normal and behave yourself.

...

Q:

Hi Marie. My mother wants us to join Opus Dei to become good Christians. I've heard a lot of things about them. What should we do?

Christian girl

A:

Joining Opus Dei is a big thing. You can't just join and then leave if you don't like it. If you have any loose morals, then they will set you right but they will control your life for the rest of your life. I mean you no longer have the same freedoms you have now over lifestyle choices. I find Opus Dei people creepy. I suggest you think about how much value your current lifestyle now. If you do join, you aren't even allowed to talk to a Dallas unless you ask for permission.

...

Q:

I've noticed a lot of rural folk seem to be attracted to football. Is this weird or does it make sense?

Farmer girl

A:

Well, we have two farm girls in our current World Cup team. Our coach is actually a farmer too. I think it makes sense and not weird. The workplace is a green pasture and you get plenty of physical activity. Farm girls are smart, fit and healthy too. They know all about the herd mentality from managing herds of animals which helps them fit into a football team. Don't expect all of them to be good looking like Pups but there's plenty of good lookers on the farms.

...

Q:

I heard the Crown Prince is still single and looking for partner. How does a girl get his attention?

Randy girl

A:

Here's a tip. If you look like his mother Kate (my sister) or me, then you've got his attention. He does complain that all the nice girls he meets seem to be relatives of his. Oh, he doesn't like smokers. Dallas girls don't smoke. He does like women who talk too much, like us.

...

Q:

Hi Marie. I'm a widow with three kids. I can't get a job because the employers here are sexist pigs who don't employ single mums. No one wants to marry me because I have kids. My older daughter is doing work at a nightclub to help feed the family. I don't her to resort to selling herself just to feed us. What can we do?

Widow with three kids

A:

My mother Dazza thinks about people like you. Her mother used to be like you. In our case, we all turned out to be a lot of whores. I guess you're not inclined that way. Please contact the local Dallas women's shelter! They can help you get more dosh so your girl doesn't have to become a Dazza Dallas. It's sad a mother with kids can't get ahead because she doesn't have a partner.

...

Q:

I'm a employer. How come it's hard to find good looking secretaries who aren't sluts and underdress.

Fussy boss

A:

You're complaining? These women want to do their best to progress on the corporate ladder and want to make an impression. You're asking the wrong person if you want find dumb unattractive secretaries without ambition.

(Players hover around the Bird on Skates)

J Vilardi: I love to look at it. It’s got an interesting look to it, but I guess that is what makes it special.

Selvy: I really don’t want Dancougar to win it. In a way it’s like this game is more important then all of the qualifying games that we will have.

Turner: I know what you mean, if they win, then they are going to never let us hear the end of it when we go back home.

Selvy: Especially me, man, you don’t know how many times I have used the trophy as a means to win a bet. Or to well, you know, help get a woman.

Turner: How do you involve the Bird on Skates to get a woman?

Selvy: I will not share my secret!

J Vilardi: And I thought women were easy in Jeruselem.

Selvy: If you incorporate something robotic, or something to do with Anime to a Dancougaran female, you got her into you for the rest of the night.

Turner: I’ll have to remember that.

Prescott: What’s up! Hey it’s the Bird on Skates!

Turner: What’s up Billy? When are you and Oksana ever going to take the next step?

Prescott: We’ll see. Neither of us like to be too tied down, ya know. Except for when we…

Selvy: (interrupting): Anyway, what you think about this trophy?

Prescott: It’s special sure, my dad helped win a few. Let’s not forget our other friendlies.

Turner: What other friendlies?

J Vilardi: Uhm, Qazox. Somewhereistonia.

Turner: I was kidding. Nothing is more special then beating Dancougar, though.

Prescott: We all need to be much less excited about Dancougar. Come on guys, it’s just a friendly. Where did our pre-qualifying friendly wins over Dancougar and Daehanjeiguk get us four years ago. When we do well in the pre-qualifying friendlies, we start slow when it matters. All I care about right now is the Banten States, and so should you.

Selvy: We can enjoy the friendlies first.

Prescott: No. We get all excited about this Bird, hell I love the tradition, but we get all pumped up over it when our matchday one opponent is gearing up for us. How many of our previous six campaigns have we won the first game of qualifying?

J Vilardi: Once. But come on, relax.

Prescott: No. How many times have we won the first two games of qualifying?

Turner: Never, but really, relax.

Prescott: Again, no. How many times have we won just the second game of qualifying?

Selvy: Never, but…

Prescott: (Interrupting): How many times have we won our precious pre-qualifying friendly against Dancougar?

J Vilardi: Like three, which you…

Prescott: (Interrupting): So this game has meant squat. You know how bad my father wanted to play in the World Cup? And look at how badly we let Jeremy McAllister down. We need to prioritize. Winning this game is nice, but the only tapes I am watching are those of the Banten States and The Macabees.

Turner: We’ll prioritize.

Prescott: Prove it and leave this display with me right now. (walks away, the others stare at each other and follow him).

Dancougar News!!
April showers bring May flowers.
May showers are going to flood the Point again at this rate.

Wings aiming for top two in group 13: Sitting pretty on six straight qualifications, the Dancougar Black Wings have entered that dangerous - and envious - territory where anything less than qualification is considered a failure. Coach Shigeru Takeuchi will of course tell his players that qualification is a privilege that must be earned and that a single slip-up could ruin an entire campaign. But in the back of his mind, he and the players will know what the fans and the FA expect of them.

"A lot of people will look at the rankings and say right away, we should have no problems going through," said Takeuchi. His team, tenth in the world, is the top seed in qualifying group 13. "But I'll always say that those are a measure of past performance, not necessarily where the team is now. The team is constantly evolving and there's always a question if the new players are as good as the old."

And the churn indeed continues. Players like Alexei Voronzoff and Lyle Dylandy, longtime staples in the midfield, are gone. They've made way for a younger generation which is now led by Dan Florentino. Florentino is one of the few players to come out of college before his junior year and has proven himself a capable player by earning a transfer into Cafundeu. His leadership skills will now be put to the test, but his ability to create chances once he has the ball will hopefully spark an attack force which has seen its output decline for two straight campaigns.

The team will once again draw its players from a growing pool of experienced D-Leaguers. The Empire Charity Cup, a tournament held this past year in Newmanistan, has been used as a springboard for many of them, including three first-time starters. Defender Tomo Asanuma has emerged as a stalwart for Yuki City Athletic while midfielders Kent Montego and Louis Ransberger earned a second look for their ability to score goals for clubs Dynamo Kalinsk and Shuukyuu Kishin, respectively. Eight additional players from that tournament are in Takeuchi's selection pool, which shows that perhaps the FA were placing more importance on the cup than originally thought.

"At the time, that group was definitely a B team," said Takeuchi. "But their league play since then has reinforced why they were selected to wear a Dancougar shirt in the first place. This is recognition of their talent and we naturally expect good things from them."

There will naturally be a lot of focus on the attack, as well. Hiromasa Nagasawa will start alongside Stefan Rosberg despite seeing more time with the Raynor City reserves than the first team since his transfer three years ago. Now that he's cracked the starting lineup, his overseas experience will be a considerable asset that Takeuchi expects to translate into goals. For Rosberg, he'll want to duplicate his nine-goal effort from World Cup 45 at minimum to try and earn looks from overseas clubs. Sporting Lakeport blocked two potential transfers to ESF and Cafundeu, and when his contract was up for renewal, the first thing he did was secure a transfer clause.

Makoto Katayanagi will be a valuable backup. He was the man brought in to replace Dan Potts at Port Royal and has done very well in the role after scoring seven goals in seven matches at the Charity Cup. There is already immense pressure on him for being linked with Potts, who is tied for second place all-time with 30 national team goals, but so far he's been able to cope. He'll be joined on the bench of Lillian DaCosta, the team's only female player, who has been a bench contributor for three-times champion Eastport throughout her career before breaking out as a starter.

As with past teams, age could be considered a weak point. Only one starter is younger than 26 and only five additional players in the pipeline can claim that. The most promising of that bunch look like 21-year-old John Schiermeier, who led the Di Bradini 9 team with three goals, and 25-year-old Cody Horrigan of Super Dimension Ogasawara. The age anomaly was born when the FA stopped electing college players to the national team, making it very rare that anyone under 22 gets a look, and more realistically no one gets noticed until age 24 or 25.

Takeuchi tries to spin it positive by mentioning the experience. "The young players are very talented, but it's all raw energy and strength," he said. "By waiting until players have more professional experience, they're mentally stronger and more technically sound. But," he added, "the turnover rate is something that is a problem. Perhaps if players went pro younger it would be better."

Five teams stand between Dancougar and the World Cup, and of them, the only with which we have any real history is Bears Armed. The teams played three times in World Cup 45 qualifying after meeting for the first time in the group stage of World Cup 44. Although the early matches were most unnerving, Takeuchi believes his team now has the right conditioning to face them without any problems. Their last meeting was a 3-1 away defeat in a friendly which gave Bears Armed possession of the challenge up, Ye Olde Baptifm of Fire Merchandife.

Of the remaining teams, the only related thing Dancougar can find in their history is a 4-0 defeat against Estresse Intenso, an entity related to newcomers the Landau Institute. Liventia and Stargate Centurion have never been met, and Silexhera did not even participate in the Baptism of Fire and will make their debut in qualifying.

"I think we can get seven or eight wins in the group, I think twenty three points," said Takeuchi. "Of course we'll have to wait and see." The last time Dancougar played a six-team group was World Cup 41, where the team went unbeaten with eight wins and two draws and a remarkable +20 goal differential.

Team on the road for friendly tour: Dancougar will kick off preparations for World Cup 46 qualifying with a trio of friendly matches against Newmanistan, Norwellia, and Cassadaigua. Coach Shigeru Takeuchi says he expects to rotate starters for the matches so that most of his reserves see action alongside the first-choice starters.

He also shook off criticism that Dancougar's willingness to travel was going to hamper the team's preparations by introducing unnecessary fatigue. "By playing friendlies on the road, you give your team a chance to play in a hostile environment without too much on the line," he said. "It's absolutely crucial that we're conditioned to get results away from home, since that's where you pull away during qualifying."

The biggest match of the three will undoubtedly be against Newmanistan as the team looks to shake off a losing streak that could have some fans questioning whether or not this is still a rivalry. The Rockets have won six of eleven while the Wings can only count three victories all-time, and the last matchup was in Di Bradini Cup 9, a 5-0 thumping by the junior Rockets. The Bird on Skates has been resting peacefully in Tundra Falls, and defender Dwight Heath says that serves as extra motivation.

"We [Loudon] played there this year but the guys all said I wasn't allowed to go see the cup till we won it," Heath said. "I hear [Luke Brengle] gets the same treatment, so I think we need to buckle down and play some solid football against them for once. They always seem to find an extra gear against us."

The team will also travel to Cassadaigua and Norwellia. The Dagans were supposed to play the Wings in a World Cup 45 friendly but neither FA actually scheduled the game. Takeuchi says he will start Lillian DaCosta against them, as he says it's absolutely necessary that Dancougar's best woman makes the starting eleven against a team that's only recently started considering men. Norwellia have only just come out of the Baptism of Fire and the two have already met on the gridiron. Takeuchi says that most of the reserves will see action in that one.

The Wings also have friendlies scheduled for later in qualification against Qazox and Queer Poco el Mono Ara. Both are away. The Wings canceled a planned friendly with Bears Armed after the two were placed in the same qualification group for the second straight tournament.

Meghan’s Space

A lot of you have taken the time to e-mail me before we even get going this qualifying season. Here are some that I have chosen to publish from the batch. The first one comes from a concerned Samantha, who wants to know: “Meghan, I really don’t think we are going to qualify. I mean Milchama and Jeruselem are always automatics. They have great histories.”

Samantha, I know it seems like a lot that needs to happen for us. But Milchama and Jeruselem’s history is exactly that. It’s in the past and it means nothing now. We have a pretty damn good team here, and one that can send either of those teams to the Cup of Harmony. We plan on going to Ad’ihan or Kelssek. We’ll find a way to make it happen as we are certainly not going to back out of this fight.

Jennifer asks, “Meghan, do you enjoy playing in Newmanistan? What was it like to win that championship with that team there. South Charlotte, right?”

No, not South Charlotte. I was traded from South Charlotte to Centralia before the season started. That was pretty interesting, because not only did I have to get comfortable living in another country, especially an Empire as opposed to a democratic nation, and once I finally got myself situated, I end up getting traded. It was worth it though, winning the championship. I dreamed of winning a Cassadagan soccer championship when I was a kid, but I guess I’ll take that! It is pretty special.

Isabella asks me, “Which friendly are you looking forward to the most?”

They are all pretty interesting games, I really can’t say I have a preference. The Dancougar match, because it should have happened four years ago is pretty exciting. Then we play in Arroza, which is interesting because right now we need Arroza to win in the World Bowl. West Zirconia stirs back memories of that classic Cup of Harmony 35 match. I wasn’t part of that game, and even though I don’t think this game will be quite as amazing and unique as that one was, playing them will be fun. Then we play Bears Armed in mid-qualifying. I never envisioned myself playing professional soccer against a team of actual Bears, but that’s what makes these international games so different, to see all of the great cultures. We’re really interested to see what life is like there, in general.

Katie asks, “Can you imagine the headlines if Jeruselem was sent to the Cup of Harmony by us, of all teams?”

The side story there would be pretty cool. You hear a lot about Dallas girls and Sallad girls and sluts and whores and nudity from them. Whatever works, I suppose. We look at ourselves as the side of more respectable women. Dazza Dallas is an old lady now and her family old news. There are new girls on the block now, and we’d love to knock them out! Fighting words from me? Hell yes! Cassadaigua-Jeruselem needs to be a rivalry, and us sending them to the Cup of Harmony will be step one, baby! Not that we’re always perfect little angels either, but it doesn’t need to be so out in the open.

Steve asks, “So which player on the team has the most Dallas-girl like qualities?”

You wish I’d tell you. I really don’t get involved with what my teammates do in their personal lives.

ISLANDERS TO TAKE ON WORLD

The Baptism of Fire was a tough experience for the Islanders. Not many knew what to make of it as across the Island there was no consensus. Some thought the team played well given the circumstances they were in and while some blamed the circumstances but every nation has their conspiracy theorists. Others thought that the team played horrendously and should withdraw from the World Cup before they greatly humiliate themselves and the Island in general. Coach Watanabe knows that there was absolutely no conspiracy against us in the Baptism of Fire but thinks that some of the problems faced by the team was their own inability to focus on the matter at hand. He knows that the team will not qualify for the World Cup because he understands the Island is at a point where you must lose before you must win. For the Islanders, it will probably mean losing a lot. Sadly unlike club sports, losing a lot does not come with a first overall draft pick to where you can pick the greatest player in the world who is in the draft. Watanabe has one mission though, and that’s to not finish in last. He doesn’t say that to his team. To them he provides some great speech on how Phillips Island is going to pull off greatest upset ever known in the history of all world sports.

RP cutoff for PQFs

Purple Knights Have Bad Opening

Another year of football began yesterday and as usual the Purple Knights were at top form. They lost their first game and Home Opener at the Atlantea Coliseum to rivals Jeruselem, and then followed that with a 2-2 tie in their first ever Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy game at Mike Sarzo Memorial Stadium in Sarzonia. Both games were well fought, but as I stated earlier the Knights were at midseason form, letting few goals in but being unable to convert on the offensive side. Yes, already at top form.

In their big home opner that many fans have been waiting on since last year the Knights failed to win the game. They failed to even score in front of just 10,000 fans less then 600,000. Yes, the stadium may have been packed to the torple nosebleed section, and the seats were all you can see is the seats in font of you if it werent for the big screens up in those sections were crowded, but the Knights stayed true to form and were unable to even get a tie out of the game that their fans had been waiting to see for so long. This game is a tradion though, and losing like a tradition will continue.

In the other Pre qualifying game the Knights began their treck to win their first ever Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy in their first ever entrance. They didn't lose and many fans will get some condolense out of this fact. The other teams besides the Sarzonians in the event are Krytenia, and Starblaydia which means a tie here may mean we will at least get some points in this new, yet ageold, and classic event. The Knight scorers were Brian Ying Uing in the 40th, and Hele in the 77th.

(Somewhere in the north-eastern corner of Clan Ostbora's territories_)

"Birri? Barri? Where are you two, you two little rascals?" The Ursine woman peered around the edges of the clearing, as she called for her cubs.
"I've gathered enough burrbleberries, and we need to leave now if I'm going to have the time to bake them into a pie for dinner. Come on, dearlings, you'll have to stop playing hide-and-hunt for a while... but when we get back home you can have a nice toffee-apple each... Hokay?"
She grinned as she heard a loud rustling noise from within another clump of berry-bushes, not far away.
"so there you are," she said: "Now come here and give mummy a nice big hug..." She paused as the noise of beings moving through the undergrowth increased, and was obviously coming from more than just two locations now, and then continued in a slightly more worried tone. "Birri? Barri? Have you found some of your friends out here?"

The only answer was a high-pitched chuckle, that sounded gleeful and yet somehow -- simultaneously -- malicious. Suddenly she heard several sets of rushing footsteps behind her, and turned her head to see...

(To be continued...)

OOC: Star's a Red; I'm a Gooner. Guess where the inispiration from this came from...

Krytenia 4-4 Starblaydia
Live feed from aosport.kt (OOC: not Eurosport. No sir.)

4 mins: Valrauncion beats Perez and Nick Simpson with a burst of pace but his shot from the edge of the penalty area is comfortably saved by Richard Schlüssel.

7 mins: Mezhubontin's long ball finds Valrauncion; Simpson does just enough but the ball falls to Fanorin whose drive is held by Schlüssel.

10 mins: A ball is threaded through to Juan in the penalty area but great work from Schlüssel as he races from his line and smothers the shot. The Caversham man then gets up to deny Valdano a shot.

14 mins: Martinez's 20-yard drive is past the near post.

17 mins: Valrauncion's fierce diagonal drive is tipped over the top by Schlüssel.

29 mins: Krytenia's best chance. Tuomas Hindenburg heads away a cross from the left from Taniquentar's grasp and Lloyd's volley is just inches away from Kennedy who could have given his side the lead with a meaningful touch.

31 mins: Valrauncion's drive is fumbled by Schlüssel but Graves clears. It's a corner.

32 mins: From the corner, Ormondroyd clears Hindenburg's header off the line.

35 mins: GOAL KRYTENIA! Martinez loses the ball in his own penalty area and Lloyd tees up Scotland who smashes his shot into the net, off the underside of the bar.

37 mins: Almost an instant reply but Schlüssel pushes away Fanorin's shot with his right hand.

44 mins: Mezhubontin's cross from the right is headed over by Fanorin. Moments earlier Schlüssel had made a complete hash in trying to deal with a corner but Kaii'n couldn't capitalise.

45+1 mins: Starblaydia have dominated but the Aces lead at half-time.

49 mins: GOAL STARBLAYDIA! A really poor clearance by Perez falls to Kaii'n who picks out Valrauncion with his cross at the second attempt and the Elven striker heads past the diving Schlüssel.

55 mins: GOAL STARBLAYDIA! The visiting side lead and more slack defending from Krytenia. Charlton's clearance only falls to Kaii'n and his cross is headed home by Fanorin at the back post.

61 mins: Perez catches Juan with a flailing arm and is booked.

63 mins: Juan bursts into the area and his shot is deflected into the side netting.

65 mins: Skordahl has been a bystander for Krytenia and is the man to make way for Dominic Giacomelli

67 mins: GOAL KRYTENIA! Scotland has hardly had a kick but he's scored two goals. He nicks the ball off Valdano and dispatches a 20-yard shot past Taniquentar. It went like a rocket!

70 mins: GOAL KRYTENIA! Mehzubontin fails to deal with a cross from the left and his intended clearance lands at Scotland's feet six yards out whose shot goes under Taniquentar and into the net for his hat-trick. INCREDIBLE! DOUBLE INCREDIBLE!

70 mins: GOAL STARBLAYDIA! The ball is worked into Valrauncion, he is afforded too much space 16 yards out by Graves and although Schlüssel gets a strong hand on the ball, he can't keep the shot on the turn out. It's 3-3!

74 mins: Kennedy finds the back of the net but he has just strayed offside.

82 mins: Valrauncion's header is nodded off the line by Charlton.

86 mins: Kaii'n makes way for Ryu Jones.

90+1 mins: GOAL KRYTENIA! Amazing! Giacomelli finds Scotland who plants his shot past Taniquentar at the near post with his weak foot. FOUR FOR SCOTLAND, FOUR FOR KRYTENIA.

90+2 mins: Young Jean-Antoine Cantona on for Kennedy.

90+3 mins: Schlüssel palms away Jones' shot.

90+4 mins: GOAL STARBLAYDIA! 4-4! Yet again Krytenia fail to deal with a header across goal and the ball drops to Fanorin six yards out who scuffs his shot into the corner.

90+5 mins: Offside flag up as Lloyd nets...AND THERE'S THE FINAL WHISTLE! What a game!

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 12
PRQ: @ 0-1093 Somewhereistonia (@ oh noz!!! LOST!!! WE'RE LOST!!!)
MD1: @ Vephrall (@ oh noz!!! MEICE!!! it's a herd of MEICE!!!)
MD2: @ O Ale Ale (@ oh noz!!! BEER!!! it's gallons of wasted BEER!!!)
MD3: vs Carpathia and Ruthenia (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MD4: @ Lovisa (@ oh noz!!! POSTS!!! it's those weird POSTS!!!)
MD5: vs West Zirconia (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MQ: @ ghosts
MD6: vs Vephrall (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MD7: vs O Ale Ale (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MD8: @ Carpathia and Ruthenia (@oh noz!!! VAMPIRES!!! it's next to those damned VAMPIRES!!!)
MD9: vs (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MD10: @ West Zirconia (@ STORMGroup Stadium, Mort Park - oh noz!!! DIAMONDS!!! It's fake western DIAMONDS!!!)
PTQ: vs ghosts?

Koryatsky woke up at the hospital. He gasped for air, as if he had spent an eternity under the somber waves of a giant tidal body turned out to sea. A whole host of doctors and nurses flooded the room as he gasped for air, hoping to hold him back against the table. Kowak was present among those holding him down.

"I'm DYING!!!"

"No you aren't."

"But I was stung!" Koryatsky said.

"Hardly so," a doctor said. "Purple-stinging nellie stings are non-lethal and they rarely cause severe discoloration. Plus, you'd have grown a lump the size of a tit there. We discovered the culprit of your discoloration to be an uncapped fountain pen that was lodged into the breast pocket. As to where the pen cap disappeared, we haven't the faintest idea.

"So I'm not dying?"

"No," Kowak said.

Koryatsky, assured of his survival, jumped off the table gleefully. "Well that was a freaky scare. I think I've learned something very valuable from this experience!"

"Purple-stinging nellies aren't all that bad?"

"No. I've figured out why our %$#^ holograph screen doesn't work. Some numbskull must have stuck my cap there!"

"Oh..." Kowak was evidently hoping for better. "Well, we can do something on the order of checking out who did that."

"That would be nice... how?"

With that, Kowak inserted a key into a slot in the wall of the hospital room. Instantly, the room collapsed into a giant swimming pool, with all of the doctors scrambling away from the water as soon as possible. "That must have been the shark room key."

Just then, two nurses started screaming for their lives, being gnawed to death by sharks in the tank.

"GAH!!! GET US OUT OF HERE!"

"I need a panel..." Kowak said, pointing at his keys. "These things don't work without panels."

"THERE'S A PANEL!!!" Koryatsky said, swimming in that very direction. Kowak waded over casually, even as the nurses were fleeing from the excessively starved sharks. Koryatsky was impatient. "COULDN'T YOU SWIM ANY FASTER?"

"I can't swim," Kowak replied, wading over.

"I can walk faster than you wade!"

"Well, I'm only going as fast as those interns wading underneath me are going. Maybe you should encourage my interns."

At that, Koryatsky pulled out a megaphone. "ALL INTERNS WORKING IN THE GOVERNMENT MAY GET A FREE FUDGE SUNDAE IN THE OFFICE IF THEY MANAGE TO GET KOWAK TO THE PANEL OVER HERE!!!!!!!!!!!"

Surprisingly, Kowak was literally dragged over by the force of interns pulling and pushing him over to the panel. The mega-announcement reached even the ears of those people from upstairs, so what happened was a flood of interns into the pool, until the water was completely displaced out of the pool - with the sharks.

"That was genius, Marek!" Kowak said. "Now what'll we do for our shark tank? You can't have a shark tank without sharks?"

"JUST GET US OUT OF HERE!!!" Koryatsky yelled. "We'll get some Council to take care of that."

Shrugging his shoulders the whole while, Kowak inserted the key into the panel. At that instant, they were dropped into the Cabinet Conference Room. Everyone was present there for the meeting. Their arrival seemed to herald some good fortune for the men.

"President Koryatsky! Prime Minister Kowak! Your arrival is most welcome! Ermm... why are you all wet?"

Koryatsky wasn't going to waste time on that. "Just get to the point," he said.

"Well, we were discussing the latest travesty to strike the great Republic. We can't just sit aside while we let it transgress any further."

"So who did it?"

"Erm...?"

Koryatsky pointed at the holograph projector. "Who broke it?"

"Oh, the mechanics just came in and fixed it. On that note, we found a pen cap..."

"Nevermind the pen cap!" Koryatsky roared. "Who dropped it on the lens?"

Everyone glanced at Koryatsky. "You did, sir."

"ME?"

"You were trying to flick the pen cap to Kowak while he was holding up his fingers. Your aim missed and fell out behind the table. We spent 15 minutes looking for it yesterday. Don't you remember?"

"Oh... that... that was my pen cap?"

"Whose else it is?"

"Hmmm... well, I guess we'll have to decide what happens about that. I'm sorry to have caused the greatest travesty to hit the..."

"That wasn't the greatest travesty. We weren't even talking about that!"

Koryatsky and Kowak appeared a little stunned. What else would they be talking about? It seemed that they didn't need to wait, as the Cabinet members all put on a projection of the Somewhereistonia - Allemenschen match. To Koryatsky's delight, there was hardly a sight of a purple-stinging nellie in the stands.

"This is our greatest travesty!" the Cabinet said unanimously, flashing a laser pointy thingy at the score line. 1092-0.

"Whoa! how'd that happen?" Kowak said.

"This is how it happened!" They showed the replay of the super striker android #0009. At the blow of the whistle, #7188 played the ball to #0009 who made a mad strike out and penetrating the defense and goalkeeper, all the way into goal.

"That was a fantastic shot!!!" Koryatsky said. "Surely, that's made the game all even now!"

"Hardly... that's goal number 984. And the androids have been making a good record, averaging about 12 goals every minute to give Somewhereistonia a 1092-0 lead. In fact, just twenty seconds ago, that was made 1093 - thankfully the referee blew for full-time!"

"What's wrong? That means we won 1093."

"We scored on our own goal. That means Somewhereistonia managed to win a match 1093 without scoring a single goal. It's humiliating for us, and insulting to them! At one point, the players from Somewhereistonia started playing other games - cards, limbo, and the works! I think the pressing problem is this - the androids suck."

"Well, we'll get rid of the sucking androids. Besides, I never liked androids vaccuming my carpets at home..."

"Mr. President. The team is awful. We need to consider other alternatives..."

"Like setting up an army!" Kowak interjected.

"Wha?" everyone yelled.

"It's against the Constitution to have an Army!"

"I know, but surely we can have a Council to discuss the possibility of having an army!"

"But there is a more pressing threat to us now! Our own androids can't play football. Just look at them! 1093 to nil? That's beyond embarrassing! It's playing Russian roulette with all the bullets in the chamber. We can't have this going on anymore. We must..."

"Invade Somewhereistonia!" Koryatsky yelled, as if within the grip of a eureka moment.

"Invade them? With what army? And besides, what will war solve?"

"It'll teach them to beat up our poor androids in footy! Because everyone knows that you don't go about beating robots 1093 to nil!"

The Cabinet all nodded. "Well," said one of the members. "I think we'll have to have a Council to decide what we should do about the football team first. That way, we can proceed without impunity."

"Right!" Koryatsky said with ecstatic joy. "What's impunity?"

“Ghah! Jesus… Pala, you can’t just stand there and let her waltz on through! Tackle her! Get the bloody ball, lad!”

The faerie frowned. “I am afraid I appear to have mislaid you once more, Mark Baker…”

“Look, Alaki is your team-mate, I understand that, but we’re training right now, yes?”

“Yes…”

“So, for the purposes of training, she is your opponent. She is the striker, you’re the defender, and it’s your job to Stop Her. Are we clear on this now?”

“I… Yes. Yes, certainly. You have my apologies, Mark Baker.”

“Yeah… Right. Okay, let’s try this one more time, shall we? Keao, start on the left, deliver the cross to Alaki’s feet, and Pala?”

“I will attempt to stop her…”

“Attaboy. Let’s see it then!”

The Candelariasian manager took a step backwards and whistled, prompting the number eleven to deliver the ball towards the girl Alaki for the umpteenth time – accurately enough, Mark was pleased to note, though without any kind of speed or power – and the striker to dribble hesitantly forward. A few hours spent weaving between a line of cones had certainly improved her close control, and it was the old human’s considered opinion that she was now of a standard to be a major force in the Brayton & Darby District Under-11 Girls Third Division (East), say, which wasn’t bad, considering that the las… the incredibly ancient being of unnervingly youthful appearance hadn’t been introduced to a football until a fortnight ago.

On the whole, he felt, Pomola and Kanukea still represented the better option for a strike pairing – an ol’ little-and-large alliance, with genuine pace and strength respectively – but the football manager, and red-blooded male, in him retained a smidgen of interest in the prospect of being able to train Alaki on a longer-term basis. The idea was almost worth being forced to work alongside a bunch of evil sprites or face being parted from several key organs and/or limbs.

Not that this particular bunch seemed utterly evil, of course. Just a tad… dim.

Alaki reached the edge of the box. Pala made a half-hearted swing in her direction, missed entirely, and watched as the… crone, possibly, toed the ball into the empty net. Her fellow faeries broke out into warm applause. Mark rolled his eyes to the heavens.

“What exactly was that?” he sighed.

Pala shrugged petulantly. “It is just not right,” he opined, staring at his feet, “I quite understand the spirit of competition, Mark Baker, but… Surely this is rude! She was running with the ball, why would I wish to stop her? One would not push over an opponent during a running race!”

“It’s a contact sport! Did yeh not watch those DVDs I had made up special!?”

“I failed to operate the playing device…”

“Christ almi… Arright, look. Forget about it now… But when you’ve got Shwick charging towards you, aye? Tackle him. Please.”

“Will that not make him unhappy?”

“Yes, Pala! Yes, it’ll make him bloody testy, and that’s exactly what you’ve got to do! Kick him, push him, stretch the laws of the game! Kid’s a good player, but his temperament’s all over the place. If we can get him sent off, that’s going t’seriously blunt ‘em.” And then we might only lose ten-nil rather than twenty, Mark added inwardly as Pala, the poor boy seemingly in the midst of moral anguish, nodded and trotted back to his area.

We, the Candelariasian repeated to himself sourly. It was just football talk, he knew, and didn’t mean that he wouldn’t decapitate each and every one of these frilly bastards given half the chance. But he cursed at himself for it all the same. The worst thing that could happen would be if he started enjoying this, in any way. He was being held against his will by a hostile army of other-worldly beings who’d invaded his homeland. He had to remember that, if nothing else.

“Arright, let’s work on summat else,” he called out irritably, the faeries turning to him attentively. “That keeper’s barely out of nappies himself, so if we can catch him knapping… Quick free-kicks, yeah, like we tried earlier? Mama feinting, Pomola delivering? But try and mix it up a bit this time, aye?”

They were obedient, you could say that for ‘em. Candelariasians were used to accepting the word of authority, providing nobody pointed that out, but he’d coached hundreds of players over the years and few took him at face value like this shower, even if they didn’t have much of a clue about what he was on about half the time. And now they were off practising, and their backs were turned, and…

He could escape, couldn’t he? Despite the evident availability of bondage equipment in Jeruselem, they didn’t have him handcuffed to a burley faerie any more. They trusted him, apparently. He could escape, couldn’t he? The Dazza Dallas Stadium was a pretty vast complex, and the Kolan only had one training pitch to themselves. He could slip away into the evening and no-one would notice, would they? Not until it was too late… And then the city could be his seafood. Jerusalem, Jeruselem was a pretty diverse city, wasn’t it?

Visions of a midnight dash underneath a burqa wafted through Baker’s mind.

“Arright, let’s have Keao on the ball this time… Pomola, I was you running into the box comfortably before the ref blows his whistle, but you’re not the target, arright? You’re a distraction this time, unless you can evade Leiki-who-is-Joshua-Tree, right?”

Or a weapon. What if he had a weapon? He couldn’t hope to get one back ho… back in Gordon Bay City, but Jeruselem was lousy with guns and pokey things of every kind, right? And none of the Kolan were armed. O’course, there was no reason to suppose that being physically assaulted or even killed would cause yer basic fae much in the way of discomfort, based on what some of the other Candelariasian residents of GBC had told him about that damn queen of theirs, but… Had to be worth a try, didn’t it?

“No, for Christ’s sake! You can’t dither like this, they’ll have your guts for garters! Every moment you waste you’re not testing Madison!”

“You need to worry less, Mark Baker. We are fae. The Jeruselemites can offer little against a people such as we.”

Mark turned sharply, catching his breath. Aino moved like a cat at times, and had detached himself from the group and sidled over to the manager’s side without the old man even noticing. But he was Leohi’s brother, after all. The others thought of him as nobility. It’d be a poor tale if he didn’t have some magical ability, right?

“I… Just think it pays to be prepared. Speaking honestly, Aino…?”

“Always, Mark Baker.”

“I think you’re going t’get hammered. Don’t get me wrong, some of you lot have got talent. You’ve selected a decent squad, all things considered. But natural falir just isn’t enough! You don’t know the game, not like the Jeruselemites do. Or the Milchamians, or even the West Newmanistanians…”

“They are all human, are they not?”

“As far as I know… There tend to be question marks over Milchama these days, but…”

“Then we shall beat them,” the team captain told him, matter-of-factly. “Leave the fretty to us, please. I admit we appear a little disorganised at the present time, but our new surroundings are… uncomfortable. We are adapting, but…”

“The walls aren’t wriggling enough for you?” Mark sighed. “Or is it the fact you can actually see the sky here?”

If Aino picked up the tone, he ignored it. “Your mortal realm is still proving unpleasant, yes. Equally, Jeruselem itself is perhaps not the best choice for a first… vacation, away from Gordon Bay. It is warm. Bright. Dusty. Uncomfortably religious. It makes us… nervous, I suppose you would say. Distracted.”

Mark nodded. That, according to those fellow human inmates trapped in the battered husk of Gordon Bay City who considered themselves In The Know, was textbook faerie. Monotheism made their skin crawl, by all accounts. Along with salt and iron, if Baker remembered correctly.

Now that was a thought to file away for future reference. Could you get iron salt shakers? That could be a double whammy, especially if one was sharpened as well. Stick a Star of David or summat on the top and you’d be laughing…

“Get out and show ‘im yer cross,” Mark muttered under his breath.

“My apologies?”

“Doesn’t matter. But the point us, just don’t expect too much too soon, eh? You’ve got so much to learn…”

“And we have the finest teacher available! And I do appreciate that there is so much you can impart. Formations, tactics, cheating with honour. Falling over in a convincing manner. Kicking weak humans. We understand the intrinsic beauty of this sport, but we need a manthing to teach us how to defile it in the name of victory.” Aino turned and smiled warmly at the old man, his expression open and containing not a hint of malevolence. “Perhaps… Perhaps we will be able to teach each other, Mark Baker…”

“Yeah…” the manager sighed as Aino trotted back to the bosom of the faerie footballers. “Right. Arright, so… Defending from indirect free-kicks, yeah? Maiki, Mama, take up positions in the wall, I reckon you two have the quickest reaction times. Alaki, stand over the ball a minute…”

Some manner of avifauna, possibly a petrel, whistled high over head to bring the scene to a close.

World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Iglesian Archipelago
MD2: Greal VS Bostopia
MD3: Greal VS Chutnusak
MD4: Greal VS Septentrionia
MD5: Greal VS Italia Orientale
MD6: Greal VS Iglesian Archipelago
MD7: Greal VS Bostopia
MD8: Greal VS Chutnusak
MD9: Greal VS Septentrionia
MD10: Greal VS Italia Orientale


Greal VS Iglesian Archipelago Preview

In their first match of WC46 qualifying stage, Greal will be playing Iglesian Archipelago who is currently unranked, so it is impossible to determine whether this will turn in favor for Greal. The team took off the day to watch the friendlies and the spirit of playing was getting back to them after months of training. Ross Trent reportedly said to the media that WC46 would be his last year as coach, a quote that has neither been confirmed nor denied by the Greali Soccer Committee. Thought the team players will surely miss him if Trent leaves after his successful three year career. Meanwhile, the Greali Weather Service reports cloudy sky, but unlikely chance of raining, which might cheer some people up. The number of television viewers is expected to rebound from Cup of Harmony 37's drop. Many Greali will surely turn up to watch the game at the stadium also.

In other matches....

Bostopia plays Italia Orientale today.

Septentrionia faces Chutnusak.

--------------------------------------------------

"Welcome back guys. Great to see you again." said Roger to the gathering group of men at his apartment. It had been months since they last met.

"Hey Ross, how did you flare?" asked Jeff, wearing a strange looking rain coat.

"Not bad. I got to tour the city a month ago."

"Touring the city takes too much time." complained Fred, grinning.

"Not by the metro." explained Ross, "Enough about me, how did you guys do?"

"Well, I finally got fired and now I'm a manager of that Chicken place three blocks away." reported Ethan.

"Yeah, I know that place. They server great french fries." said Roger. "Can't believe you work there now."

"I don't believe it myself." said Ethan, warily about discussing this.

"Anyone else has anything to offer?" asked Ross

"I'm engaged." said Fred, looking happy.

"Nice man. Congrats. I'll send you guys, flowers"

"Now, to business. Our team is playing Iglesian Archipelago. An unranked team." said Roger.

"I'll go for a draw." said Fred.

"Narrow win." said Ross.

"Here we go again." said Ethan to himself.

Anyway to join?

Oksana: Hi, I'm Oksana Ferris! And this is Two Bimbos and a Football.
Lilian: And I'm Lilian Dazza Greenly.
Oksana: We're with former coach Ryan Greenly and the real Dazza Dallas.
Lilian: We're in Taeshan! Today the Princesses beat the local ONE NIL.

Oksana: What did you think of today's game guys?
Dazza: Taeshan tried hard but the defense seemed solid for us. Our attack needs a bit more practice. They weren't too accurate today.
Ryan: As Dazza said. The offense needs to be better.
Lilian: Your Marie seemed a bit slow today.

Dazza: She's recovered from the flu, I think she's not exactly fully fit for this game.
Ryan: She's been pretty tired for this week. And it's nothing to do with our sex lives.
Dazza: Sex and flu don't mix. Even we know that.
Oksana: What do think of that Rococo Sallad, our goal scorer today?

Dazza: Just to tell the people out there she's not a Dallas, she's a real Sallad.
Oksana: Although she behaves just like you.
Dazza: Well, so do about most of French teenies in Jeruselem.
Lilian: Well yeah.

Dazza: She's good but she gets tired easily. That's no good for a 90 minute game. I think she needs to get more endurance training.
Oksana: She was pretty buggered at the end of the game ... endurance-wise.
Ryan: I'd check if she had some medical conditon holding her back.
Dazza: She doesn't have the same endurance as Mary Sallad has. But then Mary had the same mother as me.

Lilian: How come the team don't have a vice captain?
Dazza: I think they haven't made a decision yet.
Ryan: There's no real leaders apart from my wife.
Oksana: What about me?

Ryan: I think they didn't give to you because you're the daughter of the coach.
Dazza: You'll be uber leader one day Pups.
Oksana: In other friendlies of interest, Newmanistan including my Billy boy ... has played 3 friendlies. They won the weirdly named Golden Bird on Skates - winning two nil againsy Dancougar at home. The Qazians beat them one nil in Qazox and they had an away win in Somewhereistonia, winning two nil.
Ryan: Good to see my Qazox is going well.


Dazza: It's good to see Billy Prescott and his country doing well.
Oksana: I'm sure the Sharks have taught them some new tricks.
Lilian: Well that's it from us in Taeshan.
Oksana: See youse all later. Satellite time is running out now.

"Huh?!" The hearing wasn't so top class anymore.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR LUNCH DAVID?!!??!!!11!one!??!11?!"
"Oh. Er. Rice. Gimmie rice."
"SURE. HEY DON'T FORGET ABOUT BINGO TONIGHT."
"I hate bingo."
"NO, YOU LOVE BINGO AND YOU'RE QUITE GOOD AT IT YOU LUCKY OLD BASTARD. YOU'VE WON TWICE THIS MONTH."
"Oh, I love bingo."
"GOOD MAN. I'LL SEE YOU IN A FEW HOURS FOR YOUR EVENING MEDS."

The nurse left me in my bed reading the newest historical report on the 1309 Peisandros civil war, riveting stuff, I can't get enough of it. It was a cold day on the Peisandros coast with the sea breeze and constant threat of rain keeping most of us octogenarians indoors. A few of the braver men were tending to their little gardens while one old woman was taking a brisk walk around the grounds, but I don't think she felt the cold. Infact apparently she was some sort of cold-blooded freak, but that's a whole different story.

I watched her walk around. I knew she knew that I was watching her but I couldn't take my eyes off her. Walking. It seemed so simple. First one leg, then the other and repeat. Why had my mind decided to forget? It was even worse because I could remember forgetting. I just woke up one morning and it was gone. I felt robbed. Angry. At times, depressed. None of the fuckers here know my pedigree. All they see is an old, deaf cripple. They don't know my history though. They don't know my past. The cold-blooded bitch had no idea what the man lying in his bed was once capable off. Walking, bitch.

Once upon a time things were different for me, oh so different. I should be a national hero. There should be statues. There should be a holiday in my name. But alas, the cruel hand of history has backhanded me in to nothingness. I could walk once. I could run. I could have sex. Good, long sex. I could win more than bingo. I was someone. People knew me. You see I was a --

"DAVID!"
"Yes, what is it?"
"HERE IS YOUR LUNCH."
"I didn't order any lunch."
"YES, YOU ORDERED SOME RICE FROM THE NURSE EARLIER, YOU LIKE RICE."
"I ordered some rice."
"AND HERE IT IS. DON'T FORGET BINGO TONIGHT."
"But, I don't like bingo."
"OH AND DAVID, THE BEARS ARMED GAME HAS BEEN RECORDED FOR YOU. MAYBE YOU COULD WATCH IT AFTER BINGO?"
"The what?"
"THE FOOTBALL WORLD CUP. PEISANDROS HAD THEIR FRIENDLY AGAINST BEARS ARMED LAST NIGHT, YOU ASKED US TO RECORD EVERY GAME FOR YOU."
"Yes, good. After bingo."


Schedule.
PQ Friendly:
@ Bears Armed. 0-1
Qualifying round one:
MD1: v Australiazia (Peisandros Basin, Delphi.)
MD2: v Somewhereistonia (National Sports Arena, Olympia.)
MD3: @ Edward City
MD4: v Golgothastan (People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.)
MD5: @ Sorthern Northland
MQ Friendly:
v Quintessence of Dust (Peisandros Basin, Delphi.)
Qualifying round two:
MD6: @ Australiazia
MD7: @ Somewhereistonia
MD8: v Edward City (ATI Stadium, Thasos.)
MD9: @ Golgothastan
MD10: v Sorthern Northland (National Sports Arena, Olympia.)

Dancougar News!!
We should just wipe the majors and promote everyone from, like, AA.

Rockets retain Bird; humble Wings: Dancougar once again started off its World Cup qualifying campaign on the back foot, losing 2-0 in a friendly at Newmanistan.

It's been nine years since Dancougar defeated Newmanistan in any competition. Since then, the Rockets have dominated at all levels, winning four of the last five matchups in the Oxen Cup, Di Bradini Cup, and pre-qualifying friendlies. The other game was a 3-3 draw in Yuki City. As a result, the Rockets have enjoyed the longest unbroken possession of the Golden Bird on Skates since its inception and don't appear ready to return it.

"They give us a hard time," said midfield captain Dan Florentino. "It's like they always say, you throw the rankings out and go out scrap. And they scrapped harder. It reflects in the score."

Jason Hargrove, making his international debut in this tournament, picked up a clean sheet after a few sensational saves, although the Wings could be found guilty of messing up several good chances. Not once, but twice did Hiromasa Nagasawa put the ball wide from close range, and Florentino was denied by the post in the 38th minute when his team were already down 1-0 courtesty of Jennifer Vilardi.

The game was tense and physical as usual, with the referee handing out no fewer than five yellow cards. Cafundeu-based Matt Bogart's harsh foul on forward Matt Turner led earned one of them and led to Newmanistan's first goal, as the resulting free kick was met by Vilardi, who outjumped the defense to redirect it behind Artur Komarov. Billy Prescott also found his way into the referee's book after a studs-up challenge on Kent Montego early in the second half.

"It's sometimes surprising to see what these teams are willing to do to each other even in a, quote unquote, meaningless game," said coach Shigeru Takeuchi. "But I think [Prescott's tackle] was just a young man trying to step up and be a leader, and trying to give his team some energy for the start of qualifiers."

The Rockets sealed the victory in the 77th minute when Jeremy McAllister, Jr., a late substitute, used his speed to burn Tomo Asanuma inside the box before slotting a slow roller between Komarov's legs to double the lead. The 16-year-old wunderkid is the D-League's youngest player and has seen growing playing time with Sporting Lakeport.

Dancougar's attacks were canceled out by fine defending, although they were unlucky not to pull one back when Montego beat an offside trap only to shoot directly at Hargrove.

Wings drawn on Ladies' Night: Dancougar drew Cassadaigua 1-1 in an away friendly as part of the team's World Cup preparations, further confirming that there still isn't much between the teams. They exchanged 2-1 results in last year's Empire Charity Cup in Newmanistan, with Dancougar earning a victory over the Dagans in the final.

The Wings followed up a 2-0 loss at Newmanistan with a better effort against the all-female Dagan team - which does, for the first time, include a man among its reserves - although the offense still struggled with its chances and could only produce a single goal from thirteen shots, eight of them on target. It went to Stefan Rosberg, who started alongside the Wings' sole female player, Lillian DaCosta. DaCosta had a goal against the Dagans in the Charity Cup final.

The Wings looked powerful early, sweeping forward in droves and challenging Kristen Stockton right away. Stockton made three saves in the first fifteen minutes, much to the disbelief of Rosberg, who was robbed by a full-extension save in the 12th minute. Having weathered the storm, Cassadaigua settled down and started to apply some pressure of their own, although they would still face more shots than they generated in the first half.

"We were doing everything right; we hit the passes and made the runs, but the final shot was always lacking," said Cody Horrigan, another backup who got a start. "Their 'keeper was also very strong."

Stockton did eventually break down, ceding a goal to Rosberg in the 53rd. Ripped from the top of the box, the shot simply had too much pace for her to have a shot at keeping it out. But within five minutes, her team was level through Erica Daniels, who beat Artur Komarov with a tricky low shot. Komarov went down to get it but it came in faster than he expected, and it slipped under his body and into the net.

Although that opened up the match, it was a signal for tighter defense, and both units picked up their play to deal with the stronger movement that developed. Each saw good chances saved by their respective opposing 'keepers to preserve the draw.

Newcomers Norwellia do the business at home: Fans will have to hope that Dancougar's dismal pre-qualifying record will not extend to the tournament proper, as the team went down 1-0 at Norwellia in friendly action.

Defender Naoto Ogura was called for a handball in the box in the 11th minute, and the referee waved off the protests and awarded a penalty kick to the hosts. Alain Vermeeren converted from the spot to give the Rainbow Warriors the lead. They would not give it up despite facing an onslaught from a Dancougar team desperate to equalize and save face after managing only a single draw from matches with Newmanistan and Cassadaigua.

"It's never easy to play on the road, and this game proves it," said coach Shigeru Takeuchi. "When you've got a team like Fréchette does that's not afraid to come after you and create opportunities like that, you can always get a result."

Ogura was attempting to get a beat on the ball and went up to block a cross from Mia Frost. His arm flared out from his side when he jumped into the ball's path, and whether it was intentional or not, the referee was always going to make the call. Norwellia pushed for a second but ended up spending most of the game defending as Dancougar pushed forward with more reckless abandon as the game progressed.

Makoto Katayanagi was unable to reproduce his Charity Cup herorics, which included two goals in a matchup with Norwellia that the Wings won 5-1. He started alongside Lillian DaCosta, and as the attack became more and more frustrated by Norwellia's solid defense, Takeuchi was forced to decide whether or not to bring on his regulars. He decided against it.

"I didn't want to risk too many starters for a match like this," said Takeuchi. "Naturally we wanted to win, but I thought it was more important that the team try to fight from behind themselves rather than wait for help."

Perhaps they needed it. The Wings were able to produce seven shots on goal in the last half hour but none were good enough to best Pavel Il'ič Kaganovič, who earned the clean sheet and handed the Wings their second pre-qualifying goose egg.

Wings bear-ly prepared for opener?: Three straight friendlies on the road were coach Shigeru Takeuchi's preferred method to get ready for the opening match of qualifying, an away date with Bears Armed. The six-team qualifying groups mean that only ten games will determine the team's destiny, making it important to charge out of the gate with a precious road win.

But the team's form hasn't inspired much hope in the fanbase. A draw with Cassadaigua was sandwiched in between losses to Newmanistan and Norwellia, results that may further confirm that Dancougar's newest generation of players does not live up to the ranking earned by its predecessors. But Takeuchi remains confident that his team will perform when it matters most.

"Although we're not pleased with the outcome of our pre-qualifying program, the team showed a lot of attacking impetus and it's just a matter now of making good on those chances," he said. "Whenever you bring a team together like this after a few years, there's naturally an adjustment period even though they're all individually capable."

Dancougar holds a slim 2-1-1 advantage all-time against the ursines, with both victories coming in World Cup 45 qualifying. The last match, though, was a 3-1 road defeat for the Wings in a post-qualifying friendly.

All eyes will be on the defensive strategy employed by the Wings. The momentum of a bullrushing ursine is essentially unstoppable and has an immense psychological effect that says something to the effect of, "I'd better get the hell out of the way." That yields open shots, so the Wings will have to play the bears with tight marking to keep them from getting too many open-field looks. The bears are surprisingly maneuverable and have been growing more technically skilled despite their build.

Defender Tomo Asanuma says that the team may have learned a few tricks from playing against Ulga WestWalker, one of the humanoid Harr’ayanau from Bears Armed, who is Asanuma's teammate at Yuki City Athletic. "There are some things about her playing style that came from having to play with and against bears all the time, so those of us in the D-League have been able to see it first hand," he said. "Hopefully we've learned something."

Achtervolging Earn Draw From Pre-Qual Friendly

Jermaine Hes swept Achtervolging ahead from 12 yards 17 minutes in but the score was levelled in the 40th minute on a well-played through ball.

Aurelio Prats then side-stepped the Quodite's defensive challenge before burying a shot past the keeper to take a 2-1 lead into the second half.

The Lions keeper Edwin Nelisse saved a penalty after Roy Tracey felled a Quodite striker, but a 30-yard free-kick in stoppage time was placed just out of the keeper's reach to earn both squads the draw.

Manager Anjema was positive about the result. "We didn't lose, and that's a good thing for our confidence heading into the (World Cup) qualifiers. Hopefully this is the start of some good momentum for our team."

The Lions open qualifying at home hosting 16th ranked Jasiyun at Gordon Road in Northbrae.

Fromburg Free Press
World Cup 46 Coverage

SCHEDULE
MD1: @ Rymeria
MD2: vs. Yelda @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla
MD3: @ Starblaydia
MD4: @ Dariusville
MD5: vs. Dave Campbell @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla
MD6: vs. Rymeria @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla
MD7: @ Yelda
MD8: vs Starblaydia @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City
MD9: vs Dariusville @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla
MD10: @ Dave Campbell

Other than Starblaydia, Qazox should have little trouble with the group, as 2 nations are teams we've never heard of, and Dariusville and Rymeria while veterans to the World Cup scene, they should pose little trouble to the Pheonix.

THE Fromburg Free Press PRESENTS
The 10th Biggest Moment/Event
in Black Oxen/Pheonix Footballing History

Date: September 16th, 1883
Location: Estadia Pika, Pika City
Event/Moment: Qazox' first ever World Cup Qualification win.
Other Nation involved: Dorian and Sonya.
Result: QAZOX 2-0 WIN.

Reprint of event from National Archives:

QAZOX CITY HERALD...

In other news, Qazox finally snapped its slide by beating fellow WC newcomer Dorian and Sonya 2-0. The match was played before a sell-out crowd of 77,988 at Estadia Pika in Pika City. President Villia Ortiz Hernandez was in attendance as was most members of the clergy. The sombre mood lifted somewhat as Maria Gretsky scored Qazox' 1st ever WC goal in the 42nd minute. The halftime show was cancelled and a video-retrospective of Mika Riyok live was played on the screen. With their goal drought finally over, Qazox' offense looked like the one they had during the BoF as they constantly pounded the D&S keeper, but Qazox could only score one more goal by a returning Manuel Aguirre in the 76th minute.

...

Qazox somewhat avenged the Gridiron's losses to Newmanistan winning 1-0 on a 56th minute goal from Angel Kenworthy in an exhibition earlier today.

THE ROCKET REPORT

ROCKETS STRONG IN FRIENDLIES

Tundra Falls- The bird stays once again. Newmanistan’s recent mastery over Dancougar continued with a 2-nil victory over the Black Wings at the Proving Grounds, which will be enough to keep the Bird on Skates in Newmanistan for at least, another two years. Unless of course, we both end up in the World Cup Proper and in the same group. The Rockets also went to Somewhereistonia, the reigning Baptism of Fire champion and left with a 2-1 victory. It wasn’t perfect, as they also fell 1-0 to Qazox, but these results should just bring more confidence about our chances to qualify. We were excited over the group draw, which appears to be favorable, and now we see the team look sharp in their pre-qualifying matchups. If we had not been down this road before, we would enjoy this more, but four years ago we did pick up wins against Dancougar and Daehanjeiguk before needing five games before we could pick up our first win of qualifying. For now, we’ll be happy for these results, and the successful defense of the coveted Bird on Skates, but preparations for the Banten States must begin first thing in the morning. Although Billy Prescott and others have told us that the team has already been preparing for them, knowing the importance of a strong start, especially when your past history shows anything but.

When Newmanistan plays Dancougar, it is more then just a friendly. While the rest of the world may not truly comprehend the meaning of the Bird on Skates, and while both the Rockets and Black Wings have larger agendas, this Challenge Cup series has become a classic. Recently, Newmanistan has had the upper hand, which is made more interesting given the fact that Dancougar is always the higher ranked team, proving that rank itself is just a number that can’t replace the human drive to succeed when nothing more then bragging rights is on the line. Fans at the Proving Grounds were into that game with the chant of “Mine That Bird!” shouted throughout as a symbol of needing to protect our trophy. Not to be lost in this story was the international debut of Jason Hargrove in goal. With all three goalkeepers from World Cup 45 all retiring, the goalkeeping competition was wide open, but expected to be between Andrew McClure and Jennifer Bennett. Someone forgot to tell that to Hargrove, who had a stellar season in Olympia, enough to bypass both of them. Jason was fantastic, especially early in the match when Dancougar got several quality chances. Sure, it helped that Hiromasa Nagasawa was rather inaccurate, but as any goalkeeper will tell you, the shooter was inaccurate because of his (the keeper’s) strong positioning. In the 32nd minute, Newmanistan got the first goal of the game from Jennifer Vilardi off a free kick that seemed to work just as it was drawn up. Matthew Turner took the kick, which had followed a yellow card given to Matt Bogart. Not to long later, Dancougar nearly tied it, but a Dan Florentino shot smacked the post, close enough to make some in the stands wonder if the legendary spirits had something to do with it. With the score 1-nil well into the second half, Newmanistan scored again as Jeremy McAllister, Jr, who entered the game as a sub for Jennifer Vilardi flashed his impressive speed and dribbling ability that his father was known for to get by not one, but two defenders, including Tomo Asanuma and then perhaps tricking Komarov into thinking he was going to blast a hard shot as he slotted a roller perfectly between Komarov’s legs. The keeper seemed frustrated over this goal, but it’s vintage Senior McAllister, and now rubbing off on his son. The goal secured the 2-0 win.

This match did have its share of physical play in bookings, other then the costly yellow card to Bogart which led to the Vilardi goal. Billy Prescott was also shown some yellow in the 51st minute after a rough challenge on Kent Montego. Though Billy pleaded his case, this card did seem to be well deserved. Nelson Yaschter called the tackle, “Maybe not the smartest thing he could have done, but I love his passion. It did set the tone for a physical second half. I tell ya, this was my first Bird on Skates game at this level and it was really cool to see both teams play so hard when it was just a friendly.” Matthew Turner also drew a yellow card, coming in the 60th minute for what may have been a retaliatory play on Bogart, and in the 86th minute Robert Selvy, who plays in Dancougar, drew one as well. At least the referee seemed to understand the significance of the game, knowing it was more then just a typical friendly, and kept the cards yellow.

Newmanistan picked up a second victory in Somewhereistonia, in an environment that was much more well, friendly-like. The match was pursued following Somewhereistonia’s impressive Baptism of Fire victory in what seemed to be a pretty good field in Errinundera. They had gotten some experience for their campaign here in the Empire Charity Cup. A pedestrian start to the match began to pick up around the 25th minute after Billy Prescott riled up the crowd with an unbooked rough challenge on Vladimir Nolakk. Just as they began to get over it, Prescott gave them more reason to be upset, but this time by his finishing ability, firing the first goal of the game by Svante Klug in the 36th minute. Jason Hargrove was strong in goal again, but after 152 minutes of shutout football, he was beaten by Kukas Skormilonski, who is the most prolific goal scorer in Somewhereistonian club play. He showed Hargrove and Rockets fans why with a perfectly placed shot into the top left corner. As Newmanistan found out early in our international career, it is late in these games where the differential in rankings and experience at this level comes into play. The final twenty minutes were completely dominated by the Rockets, which was rewarded in the 80th minute on a goal by Matthew Turner. The game ended 2-1, a result that should encourage Somewhereistonia, and certainly satisfy us.

Also, despite some rough weather in Qazox lately, Newmanistan battled the Pheonix on the road in a friendly, and fell 1-nil. Newmanistan-Qazox has become a rivalry in many sports, perhaps moreso due to the frequent head to head matchups between the teams then an actual dislike towards the other. However, in football, the nations have hardly met except for a couple Oxen Cup matches. Perhaps this was meant as a way to begin to get the familiar countries in the sporting world together on the pitch a little more often as well. It was a somewhat conservative match, with both teams getting a few good first half chances. Angel Kenworthy put Qazox in the lead with what would prove to be the only goal of the match in the 56th minute. Newmanistan played well in the final ten minutes, but Qazox responded to all challenges.

Pre-qualifying friendly season is now over. These results are nice, but don’t mean anything if we fail to beat the Banten States. Newmanistan has only won the first game of qualifying once in their first six tries. We’re as sick of including that in our reports as you are in reading it, but until it changes, and the team starts much stronger instead of needing a frantic finish, it remains very relevant.

Pre-Qualfying World Tour Victoryless

The Golden Whites, intent on a tour d'force before beginning qualification for the world cup finals, came up empty at the end of the five game haul. The embarrassing 3–1 defeat at the hands of Bears Armed has been well chronicled, but the four following games fared little better. The Imperials fought to a stand still at Nong Nang Ning, while Quintessence of Dust was able to pound the Golden Whites 4–2. The game against Nethertopia was a ten goal thriller, and both teams came up empty handed, while the last game The Macabees managed a goalless draw. These wild results do not give a positive impression on the possibilities of the team these world cup qualifiers, and many are already looking ahead to the Cup of Harmony. The Imperials play none other than Yafor 2 their first game, albeit at the home field in Fedala. Nevertheless, the prospects do not look good.

Although several midfielders and strikers showed their scoring talent, the team as a whole did not give a good impression on their capabilities to work together. In most games, the team was able to get by by means of scraping together a draw. This included the insane Nethertopia game, where both teams scored no less than five goals. But, in other games, the team's attacking prowess did not make up for poor defending, which caused the 4–2 defeat to Quintessence of Dust. Now, the team may find itself in need of reorienting its formation. It has been playing with a 3–5–2, focusing on attack, but the team may have to reduce its offensive capabilities and instead try a 4–5–1, or a 4–4–2. We will see what the team tries against Yafor 2, although everything points to the manager keeping the 3–5–2, since the team will have a home advantage.

According to a predated ranking, The Macabees is third (in rank) in their group. Yafor 2 holds the highest rank and the most experience, and is the most likely to pass on to the finals. Newmanistan is next, and is also a very likely contestant for the finals. But, the ten goal draw against Nethertopia gives some hope against these two teams, and shows that they are not invincible. "Wildcard" teams, such as the Golden Whites, can hold a lot of influence over who ultimately passes, and through a stroke of luck maybe the Imperials can move on the finals themselves (although not highly likely). In rank, The Macabees comes third, although only the top two teams will progress in each group. Regardless, it will be an interesting experience for the Imperials, who will make their first serious run for the world cup final since any world cup they have attended. Obviously, the team cannot compare itself to more established squad, but perhaps this is a sign that considering itself a finalist in the coming world cups is not a far off ambition. At least, it's one that will be tenable by the end of this current squad's run in four to eight years.

But, for now we should hold our heads way below the altitude of the clouds. Instead, the team should focus on Yafor 2. After Yafor, the squad will host Newmanistan. The two most difficult teams will be played first, and then the Golden Whites will be able to focus on the two other teams. Any hopes of making it through lie on the Imperials' ability to hold Yafor 2 and Newmanistan at home. Losses at home will probably mean losses in the away games, and this would effectively leave the Macabee National Football Team out of the finals. In any case, it's important to show that the players are not pushovers, and that they will be a force to be reckoned with in the coming international competitions (not to mention, reputation must be formed for the Cup of Harmony; the Empire has only been a Cup of Harmony finalist once).

For now, however, all eyes remain on tomorrow's game.

Count: You're late Kaye. This is training for the world Cup 46, this is serious stuff we're getting into.
Kaye: I know but I have a good excuse!
Count: That is?
Kaye: I had to take Mum to hospital.

Count: What happened? So why couldn't your father do that?
Kaye: Mum slipped outside on rake and knocked herself out. Dad couldn't drive her because he's lost his drivers license after knockng over a statue after drinking a lot.
Count: I see ... how did she knock herself out.
Kaye: They are all lazy people so they leave all gardening equipment in funny place. Mum stepped on the rake since the grass was a big long.

Count: Don't you have other siblings who could have driven the car?
Kaye: They don't have licenses because of drink driving.
Count: That's a mess up family.
Kaye: I know! I'm one of them.

Count: How is she?
Kaye: I'll find out tomorrow. I don't expect much damage apart from pre-existing brain damage.
Count: You're excused then.
Kaye: And I got speeding ticket ...

Count: OK, let's get back into training. We have a lot of work to do. You don't look well.
Kaye: I caught the f**king flu last week. Not at my best.
Count: At least you caught it early.
Kaye: It was as fun as putting ice up your privates.

Count: Well that sounds like something to avoid.
Kaye: How is everyone?
Count: I think some of them had too much to drink last night.
Kaye: That's normal.

Count: You look tired.
Kaye: Didn't get much sleep. I just want to get into bed again.
Count: I can't excuse you from training really.
Kaye: Never mind, I be OK if I don't pass out here and there.

TWO WINS, FIVE GOALS, NONE AGAINST

If only these games could count in the standings. Secristan’s two pre-qualifying efforts were highly impressive, especially a 3-nil win over Cafundeu. In Cafundeu. Meanwhile at home, the Millionaires did away with the Admirals of Arroza by the score of 2-0. For Brian Carver in goal, it couldn’t be a better beginning to his international career at the senior level. He’s played with the Di Bradini team, and was the winning goalkeeper for our championship winning Di Bradini Cup 7 side. He’s been a substitute with the senior team, but the job had always belonged to Michael Rossiter, simply because he could never outbid him. Now with Rossiter getting older, and his being content to only bid for the substitute goalkeeper spot, Carver gets his chance to show what he can do at this level, and he began with a strong performance over the Monopolists. Even though the final score shows a Millionaire rout, it wasn’t always that way. Cafundeu had controlled the early minutes of the game and forced Carver to come up big with some impressive saves. Secristan began to feed off this, and with two goals scored in a four minute span just after the half hour mark, the entire flavor of the match had changed. The goals were scored by Todd Carney and Kevin Tucker, each of whom play their professional soccer in Cafundeu. Altogether, there are four players on our roster who play in Cafundeu professionally, including three of our starters. In addition, head coach Ryan Fullerton, who is Secristani, coaches a secondary club team in Cafundeu. Midway into the second half, the Millionaires scored another goal, the second from Tucker, to go up by three, which was the eventual final score. While a team like Cafundeu can easily write something like this off, the result is very positive for us as we go forward.

After Cafundeu, the Millionaires took on Arroza at home in what is becoming a traditional matchup, and our players did not let up with any of the intensity that we saw in the first game. Once again, Carver was brilliant, earning his second clean sheet in a row, which included a couple of excellent stops on veteran Martin Lancaster. Amber Pena also had a couple strong opportunities, but no one could solve Carver. Michael Cardona scored for Secristan in stoppage time of the first half, which was surely heartbreaking for the Admirals. The second score came from defender Shawn Wooliver, the first time he has ever scored at this level. It came on a corner kick, and Wooliver was in the right place at the right time.

The Secristan Department of Sports is thrilled over these results, and how couldn’t they be? Two very impressive wins in friendlies will get the public excited about the prospects of the nation qualifying, which will lead to more purchases of the pay-per-view telecasts. The complete qualifying package has seen it’s level of purchases increase by nearly 50% over the last few days, so anyone who says pre-qualifying friendlies don’t mean anything surely doesn’t get it. They can be very profitable, as we are seeing here. The first game against Bazalonia on the road will not be one in which we are expected to win, but if we can ride this wave of momentum, maybe we can.

"Stand still."

"I can't, I..."

"Arnþór, stand still! Stop wiggling."

"I've got sand in my pants."

"Well, just clench and think of Golgothastan. Jack, come here and help me get his legs up. Jack! Jack?"

Birgir sighed. "He says he can't hear you."

"What?" Hrafn turned round incredulously, in doing so letting go of Guðberg, who crashed to the ground with a scream. "Jack, what is it?"

"And he says he's not talking to you." Birgir pulled an awkward expression.

Hrafn looked mystified. He'd committed so many indiscretions, he couldn't think off hand which one would have...oh.

"Jack, is this about the trophy?"

"I can't believe you stole it. That wasn't ours to take! We did so well, then we lost an unlucky game, and we left quietly, dignified, and with our heads held high...and now this. You realize we're actually playing Somewhereistonia, don't you? They're coming to Golgothastan. And I think they might wonder where their trophy is. Hrafn, this is the worst thing you've ever done. Worse than blowing up that railway line or convincing Rúnar Þór bleach was a soft drink or that thing with the orphanage...this is the worst, most wretched thing you've ever done."

Hrafn grinned. "I thought you weren't talking to me?"

Jack sighed. "What are you doing, anyway?"

"We're trying to get Guðberg up on Arnþór's shoulders, but the sand's messing things up."

"Well, hurry up. They have to start the game soon, because of the tide, and we still have to watch the bears do their dance. And remember: be polite. We're their guests, no laughing. Though I still don't understand why..."

"Look. They have these two defenders that play together and count as a single person - right?"

"Ok."

"So why can't we do the same? If Arnþór is twice as tall, then they won't be able to score any goals from crosses. They're going to rely on that tall bugger they've got up front, but it won't work."

Jack frowned. "Well, alright. Just make sure you disguise him well. We don't want it to be too obvious..."

* * * * *

At the halftime whistle, the teams trooped back to their respective areas. No doubt many of the Bear games had the opposition boggling in surprise at the assembled troop of ursines, with assorted ravens flapping about the sidelines. This time, though, it was the Golgothastanis who had cut the more unconventional figures.

They'd all opted to go barefoot on the sand, except for Stigur who refused to yield his beautiful white football boots and consequently spent a lot of time falling over: he was covered head to foot in wet sand. Bjarkí had had to be substituted after colliding with Stands-Like-Oak, and sat miserably in the corner nursing his face, which appeared to be on backwards. And Guðberg's head poked out of a nine-foot trenchcoat, with Arnþór's voice echoing out from the middle, complaining about getting sand down his back.

The game had not gone well. Head-in-Air had indeed outmatched by Arnþór-Guðberg - but not outpaced. Arnþór could still run quite fast, but was completely unable to direct himself as he couldn't see out of the coat, and in defending a corner had run in entirely the wrong direction, leaving Head-in-Air free to head in a goal.

They figured out a system whereby Guðberg would tap on the front of his head if he wanted him to run forward, tap on the left of his head if he wanted to run left, and so on. This had briefly worked and indeed they were able to mark Head-in-Air got the ball. But then he passed it to Running Joke. The resulting confusion ended up with Guðberg tapping out a percussive symphony on the increasingly distressed Arnþór's head, who had become dizzy and almost collapsed. Hrafn quickly propped him up, not wanting the scheme to be exposed in case the Bears took objection, but this had allowed Running Joke to pass to the now unmarked Harefoot, who promptly raced past Valdímar, dribbling straight into the net.

For a while the Ný batterí got back into the game, but then Rúnar Þór spotted a lonesome raven. Thinking it a rook, and hungering for that famed Golgothastani delicacy, Rook Pie, he'd gone off in pursuit, and wishing to avoid a diplomatic incident - before the match, he would never have feared it would be one of his team trying to eat one of their team - Jack, Birgir and Þorvaldur all had to drag him back to the pitch, where he was so upset that he committed a foul, setting up a free-kick that Thunderbolt hit with eponymous force. Three-nil.

Jack tried to rally them, but there was little positive to say about their performance. They didn't even have long for a half-time break: the tide was creeping in and already Hrafn was getting his toes wet on throw-ins. They'd delayed the game to sort out Arnþór-Guðberg, but it didn't appear to have reaped many rewards. He looked sadly at Birgir.

"I think there's only thing for it."

"Yes, I think so."

"Ok boys: I want you to go out there and cheat like you've just bet your grandmother's heart medicine on the game...

* * * * *

Ring ring ring - click

"Hi - Jack?"

"Bort, hi."

"How's it going?"

"Oh, good, good."

"We're all ready for the World Cup games?"

"Yes, I should think so. I mean, fortunately they're away games to start with, so there's still time to try to get that smell out of the Veröld ný óg óð."

"Yeah, I think something must have died in there."

"Maybe it ate one of the burgers."

"Hmm. Do we need to put up signs warning the tourists."

Jack thought back to his Sunday morning walk, and the large billboard declaring, WELCOME TO GOLGOTHASTAN! PLEASE TO BE DRINKING OUR SAFE TAP WATER!

"No, I think we're probably fine."

"Good."

"We had a friendly game yesterday..."

"Oh, hmm, really."

"We lost."

"Ah."

"It was 3-0 at half-time. But then we came back a bit, scored two goals, and it ended up 5-2."

"Oh."

"I admit we, uh, we may have interpreted the rules a little liberally. I mean, our goals were from a free-kick and a penalty, and both were not exactly, well, not exactly kosher."

"You were playing against Jews?"

"Bears."

"Ok."

"Yes, and it might have been a bit closer if they hadn't scored those last two goals, but unfortunately, one of them, Running Bare, well, Arnþór-Guðberg accidentally stepped on its loincloth and it fell off, and, well, all was laid bare."

"Hmm."

"It was a bit off-putting, really, so we couldn't concentrate on the game too well after that."

"Ok. Did you say 'Arnþór-Guðberg'? I thought that was two different players?"

"Yes, well, you see, we had to try out this new tactic -"

"Ok, forgive me for asking. Jack, you do remember I asked you to look after this football thing because I didn't want anything to do with it, right? I don't care about the results. Lose 10-0 for all I care. All I want is to give Tourism Golgothastan a little help, a little 'oh look how cute the Golgothastanis are playing football' or whatever, improve our international reputation. I don't want to be bothered details. Ok?"

"Ok, sure."

"So from now on, no need to keep me informed. Unless, haha, unless there's some sort of major international diplomatic incident. But I think that's pretty unlikely in a football match, right Jack? Jack. Jack? Jack, if your next sentence begins with the words 'You'll never guess what Hrafn's done...', so help me..."

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sport>Football>WC46
Rushmore crowns ‘new world champions’ in Olympic upset
By Morgan Fattori

As rivalries go, it’s always been one or two points short of earning a truly world-class status. There isn’t a past conflict or major territorial dispute to give Nethertopia versus C&M an off-field edge, the Anglo-Dutch Wars really were quite a long time ago now (and were basically over before we even existed), and only a few costal Marquezians raise regular concerns over the contamination of their seashores by Nethertopian polluters, and since when have we listened to them? And, while the Nethie diaspora in the Candelarias are an often unduly vocal minority: well, they’re not Sortherners, are they? You can say that for ‘em.

Sure, their state is a good century older than ours. But we’re bigger, and have more attractive women, so these things all even themselves out, don’t they? In football terms, one might argue that the vast Nethertopian influx into the CMSC1 over recent years (damn you, Rushmori freedom of employment legislation! Damn you to hell!) has proven deeply damaging to youth development in the Candelarias, of course. But only if you were dribbling liberally and wearing a nappy at the same time. We’re world champions, you know. It clearly hasn’t affected us too badly. And as it is, no supporter of the Marbles or MarquezOW, Green Island or MN Smith, is going to stick a complaining head above the parapet these days, given the importance they have come to place on their froggie stars.

We don’t even have proper ethnic slurs for each other. It’s rubbish, really. So this really is the friendly derby of international football, a harmonious occasion full of mutual back-slapping.

Someone apparently forgot to tell the players, managers and supporters that, but…

Familiarity may not have bred contempt, but these two international squads know each other as intimately as any on the globe, with the obvious exception of the two Paripanan sides, and away from any nationalistic rivalries this was always going to be a bitter contest – the CMSC1 ‘B’ team facing their ‘A’ opponents.

Not that that’s an entirely fair assessment… not when the number of CMSC-based players fielded by the home side – ten of the starting eleven – was a solid dollop greater than that of the visitors. And, in an echo of the domestic season so far, the mid-table side proved themselves easily capable of not only holding their top-four opponents, but actually going and beating them. The bastards. That wasn’t in the script…

Okay, so Dannat’s side didn’t expect to be cheered or owt for bringing the World Cup back to Rushmore for the first time. But they didn’t have to boo like that, did they? Or chant such unpleasant things about the team’s female relatives? A bit of magnanimousness wouldn’t have gone amiss, surely? But to suggest such a thing misses the point. Beating Nethertopian might be nice, but the Big Blues have had bigger fish to fry over recent years. For the Falcons, this friendly fixture is their cup final, bless ‘em. It’s only natural that they’re going to try hard, isn’t it? And keep Abdul Ibadulla stubbornly off the ball, and tread all over Lawrence Amey like that, and heroically keep out a string of efforts from David Spooner, with Yannick de Woudt and Gregory van Houton tot Schaagen performing in a manner to leave Oscar Goldsworth and Damien Lavender screaming at their televisions.

And as for the goal itself – well, granted someone should have stopped the home side from stringing together seventeen passes unchallenged. Perhaps Ben Zec and Niv Cohen were just transfixed by all the oléing. And Erik Visser should have been knocked off the ball by Pablo Estévez when the Marbles man danced gaily into the box. And it would have been nice of Joel Sbaïz to bend down a bit and try and keep it out, but come on! We’re the reigning World Cup holders. It’s not as though we actually need to exert ourselves in friendly matches against our bloody next-door neighbours, is it? Just hush yourself and go and watch the Holy Empire match in a darkened room again, there’s a good boy.

Is it time for a dramatic sigh, do you think? Or should we wait until the Blues are sitting in third at the half-way stage of qualifying? Because on this listless performance, we should expect nothing better.

And yes, yes, yes; all due credit to the Nethies, blah blah blah. Didn’t they do well, possums? And they’d already beaten Sorthern Northland in pre-qualifying. Gosh, they’ll actually be making the knock-out stages of the Cup of Harmony at this rate, the funny little chickens. Probably didn’t have to be quite so cocky about it, mind you. ‘Specially that Erik Visser. Or “Rick-aaaayyy!”, as we’re supposed to be calling him now, based on what’s on the back of his shirt. Which, I can assure you, is making him about as popular as a pig-shaped piñata in a country where even Dionísio had to readopt a surname or two after reverting to Candelariasian nationality. But yes, he’s a good striker and it was a nice finish. He could have had the decency not to celebrate so much, though. We do pay his wages, after all.

There’s a plus side though, isn’t there? God bless Nethertopia, for bringing this team – and this country – back down to earth with a solid bump after the high of the last few weeks just when we probably needed it. God bless you, Erik Visser, you cocky get. Finally, we have a reason to hate your country again. I’m almost looking forward to the pre-WC47 rematch already.

God knows how Starblaydia and that lot cope with facing an endless stream of Atlantian Oceanian rivals during qualifying most years, never mind in friendlies. At least we can be thankful for that small mercy. We’re Rushmori. Nethertopians aside, at least we don’t have to worry about any other neighbours islands trying to steal our thunder, eh?

Eh?

World Cup 46 Pre-Qualifying Friendly International
@ The Olympic Stadium, Peregrinus City, Nethertopia

Nethertopia 1
Ricky 61

Candelaria And Marquez 0


Wandering Blues set for Wanderers derby test ~ Because the Candelariasian travelling odyssey will not yet leave Rushmori shores – indeed, Dannat and his men will not even return home before embarking on their World Cup 46 qualifying campaign. The city of Torgos will be their destination, barely a matter of miles to Nethertopia’s south-east.

Despite being comfortably located in the C&M’s back yard, Candelariasian-Pasargaian relations have been nothing if not limited over the years; to the point where many Candelariasians would struggle point them out on a map without prior awareness of the unmistakable crescent moon that is the main isle of Pargis. As traditionally isolationist as their Matchday One rivals; when the Pasargans have found international cooperation a necessity they have tended to look east, to the wylde and untamed, and obnoxiously fuggy, islands of the region’s hinterlands than the more organised realms of the con-e-non, and even migration between the two archipelagos has been a decidedly forgettable affair. A quick flick through the Albrecht phone-book reveals more than a handful of Iranis in between the Inneses and Irelands, and one, you may not be stunned to discover, can find a rather flash new Zoroastrian Fire Temple in Songstress; but few worshippers on the day of the draw were keen to profess direct links with their brethren down the road. Granted, our reporter was being chased down the street by a priest armed with a pair of silver tongs and shouting obscenities at the time, after accidentally wandering into the inner sanctum and causing no end of fuss (who knew they were so precious about such things?), but the facts still stand – the Candelarias and Pasarga might as well be separated by half a world for all their previous interaction.

For all that, however, the Pasargan national team’s first competitive home international, against their near neighbours and World Cup holders, will be nothing if not an occasion to savour for the ninety thousand local supporters expected to attend the historic encounter. For the Big Blues, in a recurring feature for the group, it will represent a journey into the uncertain. Their opponents’ Baptism of Fire record was hardly worth writing home about, including poor defeats to the Campbellian Kingdom and Nong Nang Ning, but their potential is surely indisputable. Their league champions, Galactica – armed with Abiodun native Edwin Ramm at centre-half – eliminated experienced sides from Krytenia, West Zirconia and Taeshan in qualifying for the most recent Champions’ Cup group stages, and even managed to take a point off the great Yuba United once there – as well as seeing star striker Ausilio Calabrese, now leading the line for Pasarga themselves, run Samual Fortal and his KT Hotspur colleagues ragged for ninety minutes at the White Palace. His countrymen have equally begun to make in-roads into the CMSC, with Sloane Wanderers in particular valuing the presence of Samuka Szatmári up front.

As for what the international set of Wanderers can hope to achieve however, we can only guess at – and Dannat will be similarly blind throughout the first half of qualifying. Achtervolging are familiar enough foes, with C&M no doubt aiming for a repeat of last term’s four-nil drubbing in Allemali rather than the distinctly jammy win of the opening round of games, but the back-to-back matches at Jaseuyeon and Urna Electrônica to follow could cause a few nerves before the Solidarity hosts Rejistania – a nation that requires no introduction, as one of the globe’s truly great footballing nations take on our own dear upstarts.

By then, both sides will likely have ascertained their immediate fate, but the Big Blues would be negligent in the extreme to even consider taking the second half of qualifying easy in the event of a solid start. For all the leaps and bounds that Candelariasian football has made over recent years, and for all that merely making the World Cup can no longer be considered our foremost concern, the fact remains that C&M are yet to top a qualifying group in nine previous attempts – and failed to make it at all, on the previous two occasions that the groups were just six teams strong.


FRN: Nethertopia vs. C&M @ The Olympic Stadium, Peregrinus City
MD1: Pasarga vs. C&M @ Stade de Torgos, Torgos
MD2: C&M vs. Achtervolging @ Estadio Nacional (http://www.nswiki.net/index.php?title=Arrigo_Portuguese#Home_stadium), Arrigo (http://www.nswiki.net/index.php?title=Arrigo)
MD3: Jaseuyeon vs. C&M @ ?
MD4: Urna Electrônica vs. C&M @ ?
MD5: C&M vs. Rejistania @ Solidarity Stadium (http://www.nswiki.net/index.php?title=Albrecht_Turkish#Home_stadium), Albrecht (http://www.nswiki.net/index.php?title=Albrecht)
FRN: C&M vs. West Zirconia @ Estadio Nacional, Arrigo
MD6: C&M vs. Pasarga @ Solidarity Stadium, Albrecht
MD7: Achtervolging vs. C&M @ Royal Stadium, Kari
MD8: C&M vs. Jaseuyeon @ La Escelera Naranja (http://www.nswiki.net/index.php?title=Marquez-Onwere#Home_stadium), Onwere (http://www.nswiki.net/index.php?title=Onwere)
MD9: C&M vs. Urna Electrônica @ Hilltop Stadium (http://www.nswiki.net/index.php?title=Radyukevich CSC#Home_stadium), Clotaire (http://www.nswiki.net/index.php?title=Clotaire)
MD10: Resjistania vs. C&M @ Estadije Sen-La-Sa~o, KaMaRi kali
FRN: Taeshan vs. C&M @ Atlantea Coliseum, Atlantea

The three human males – one twelve, one twenty-three, one fifty-nine – cooed appreciatively as Steve Gray dragged the ball out of the bottom of his net for the fifth time. One whistled.

“They’re getting really good, y’know, these ‘dagans. At this rate, they’re going to qualify without any fear… Big scary Jewish nations or no.”

“Aye. I’d like so to see ‘em take on ‘Gordon Bay City’, that’s for sure,” another grinned, keeping his voice as low as possible. They were being watched, of course. They were always being watched.

“Yeah, they’re going t’fley the bastards alive, if you ask me.”

The elder man nodded. “Aye… Probably best not to use a turn of phrase like that around here though, t’be honest. Don’t want to give anyone any ideas,” he added bitterly.

The faerie guard at the far end of the room showed barely a flicker of a reaction, which Joshua knew just made it worse. They never did anything, except project this quiet air of menace, and reflect an assurity that they could, and most certainly would, do something extremely unpleasant to any human that got in their way at the drop of a hat.

Sure, They’d invaded the Candelarias – although, technically, Joshua wasn’t entirely certain as to whether Their extra-dimensional realm theoretically existed in Candelariasian space anyway or whether states trapped between the folds of space/time didn’t count as part of the Republic’s nominal territory – and killed a handful of soldiers, and forced those residents of Gordon Bay City who had neither fled on the spot nor bought the whole bird flu thing hook, line and sinker to live a meagre existence of “voluntary” imprisonment within a street of barely half a dozen houses knocked through for the purpose, and all that probably counted as doing something; but it wasn’t awful. It wasn’t. No-one said it out loud, but Joshua was bright enough to pick up on the prevailing winds. If only they were starving, or at least perpetually peckish, or being tortured or indiscriminately murdered for minor indiscretions, or never allowed to leave their new quarters and nip down the offie for a pack of fags, or the personal equivalent thereof… If only they were swimming in their own defecation. If only it was truly awful, they could fight back. Man, woman and child – they’d have nothing left to lose.

But they did. They were alive, they were well-fed, they had access to Candelariasian telly, for heaven’s sake… The Kolan were courteous occupiers, they honestly were. Alright, so the humans had been stripped of their freedom but, when all was said and done, what did that mean? Half the people here barely left GBC in their day-to-day lives anyway, so what was different now? And what kind of freedom was it when your government had declined to tell you about the existence of a whole other species squatting on your very doorstep, for decades.

Menacing they might be, but when you started to wonder about all those fellas in dark shades hanging around during any public weirdness. When you started to think about everything anyone had ever told you, that you’d just dismissed… Maybe the Kolan were the lesser of two evils now. Or at least the more obvious one. So the others suggested, anyway, in mutterings here and there. Joshua himself didn’t pretend to understand it all. His mother was a government minister, after all. Sinister men in shades had been a feature of life for many a month now. Before this, anyhow.

He wasn’t scared anymore, though. Weeks had gone by, and he wasn’t terrified and he wasn’t even angry. And that really made him nervous.

“Cor!” the three male humans blurted as Cassadaigua notched up their sixth of the night. The twentysomething carpark attendant Joshua knew as Aaron licked his lips. “Tell you what, I am so going to enjoy watching these girls tear Them a new one in a couple of wee–”

He swivelled as suddenly as his cross-legged seating arrangement would allow, as an unexpected weight brushed up against his thigh. It was a football, one of those black and white panelled jobs that no-one made any more, that bounced back in the opposite direction and came to a halt on a foot.

A Kolani boy bent down and picked it up, trying to avoid the trio’s stares while finding his own glance drawn towards the blaring screen. Joshua realised that he’d never seen one of the faeries’ children before. Granted, ‘child’ was a relative term – the new Queen, during her occasional visits to the human detainees, had often stressed her peoples’ lengthy life-span compared to the primitive Candelariasian race – but he was unmistakable as a pre-adolescent. Somehow, Joshua felt that there should be something special about a being on the cusp of becoming truly superior life-form, that he should radiate their glory in some way… But it was just a kid, with a gait and an expression like any other, and the same cool brown skin and haunting eyes of the rest of his people.

He stood still, holding his ball, amidst an inner battle between running away to the humanless safety of the empty streets and –

“What are you watching?”

“Football,” Aaron muttered, turning his back on the fae.

“Cassadaigua,” Joshua offered quietly, whilst doing the same. He felt the boy’s eyes on his back. “They’re playing… you, in a… bit.”

“I know. After West Newmanistan, and before Milchama. We shall beat them.”

“Ha, you reckon?” Aaron scoffed.

“Of course,” the boy replied, though with a certain hesitancy. “They are only humans…”

“Only girls, at that,” Joshua said with forced jollity.

“I… suppose so. Should that make a difference to their inevitable suffering at our mighty hands?”

It sounded almost funny, coming out almost cheerfully from that little voice, and Joshua failed to suppress a laugh. Aaron shook his head. “I don’t have to listen to this rubbish,” he muttered, storming to his feet and clumping across the room without offering a glance at the nearest guard.

Tony, the elder man, coughed and likewise took to his feet with a groan, hauling Joshua up with him. “C’mon, lad… Best not to fraternise, eh?”

“Yeah,” the Candelariasian boy agreed, but he soon found himself dawdling. As Tony hobbled off through the door and towards the kitchens, Joshua realised that he was alone now, with the television screen and the glazed-eyed guard, and the boy.

“Will you watch the game?”

“What?”

“The football match. Against Jeruselem. It will be a glorious victory. Leohi says she will have it broadcast here. To the humans as well.”

“Nah. No, we’ve got Pasarga at the same time. Simultaneous kick-off, like…”

“Your country is Gordon Bay City now. You should support our team. This is how international football works.”

“It’s not as easy as that. They’re not our team.” Joshua turned back to face him, unexpected bile rising to his throat. “They’re not my team. Never. And I’d rather die than cheer for any of you. We all would.”

The faerie said nothing, but rolled the ball under his right foot and kicked it inexpertly in Joshua’s direction. He controlled it with the sole of his shoe.

“You know… you’re not even kicking it right. You’ll… you’ll do your little toes a mischief if you keep kicking it like that. You should use the side of your foot, I reckon, ‘cos yo–”

“Keikea!”

The boys’ eyes swivelled to the far doorway, and suddenly there strode the Queen herself – alone, but since when did she require a bodyguard from mere humans, after all? She was still a tasty bit of wotzit, Joshua had to concede, but how her fellow fae and even more than a few human minions found her so bewitching was beyond him.

She flashed the boy a glance of pure loathing, while grabbing the other’s arm. “Come, child! It does not do to fraternise with the manthings at your age. We would not want you… going native now, would we?”

Keikea shook his head in anxious agreement, and did not look back as Leohi dragged him out into the street and away from the humans’ compound. Joshua stood for a while, rolling the ball back and forth and thinking about not very much at all, before shooting it through the door with an fine curve, and running off after it towards the kitchens.

The faerie guard watched him leave, blinking impassively.

(OOC: This storyline which will be heavily roleplayed during the World Cup had its “first stage” played out in the Empire Charity Cup. The important information to know going forward is in post #5 of this thread.)

Shaina knew exactly how to get to the Centralia Police Station, she had taken this route three times a week to visit her boyfriend who was being held there with an amount of bail that was way beyond her means of being able to pay. She knew that this could be the way her boyfriend would be released, and maybe the officers would even drop the charges altogether on him. The material in which she held in her hand wouldn’t only implicate Jeremy McAllister as being a cheat but could also help bust in a large narcotics ring in Southport, or so she thought. If anything, the name and number of the doctor, someone by the name of Holmes, who had provided the steroids to Jeremy was on the document, and it could lead to one arrest. Even if the police did not agree to make a trade off regarding the bail of her boyfriend, she could make money off the media. The Centralia media would love to bust a Putnam Lake icon. It’s one of those crazy things when it comes to reporters. They love you when you do something good for them, but if you give them the slightest opening to come down on you hard, they will do so like sharks.

“Good evening,” said Shaina to the receptionist. “Hello Miss Lucas, you know that visiting hours are done for the day at 5pm. It’s 5:02, sorry.” Replied the police department secretary.

“I’m not here for that. Can I speak to the Police Chief?” she asked. “Mr. Dennis is busy. Unless you have something urgent to tell him, just drop me a message and I’ll relay it to him when I have the opportunity. If its about the bail, he’s not the one you want to see, ok?” replied the receptionist in a snotty manner.



“It is urgent, very urgent!” Shaina exclaimed, but the receptionist wasn’t going to by that. So many people had walked through that door saying something was urgent only to have it be them wanting to tell something to someone that could have waited. “Yeah whatever, look, you’re two minutes late, visiting hours are over and he has more important things to do then listen to you whine about it. So come back tomorrow when the hours resume,” she replied.

The receptionist turned away and waved her off. If Shaina were not in the police station, and her intentions were not as good as they were, then she would have made this small petite lady regret her attitude. But no, it wasn’t worth it. She would get to talk to Mr. Dennis eventually, but maybe she should take another route. She drove off to Channel 5 News, the station which had the biggest reputation for developing the hardest hitting stories in the area. Surely, they would care at Channel 5 with the information she had, and maybe she could also mention the way that she was treated at the police station. She walked in the door, having no idea who she should speak to. She saw the receptionist, but feared she would be just as bad as the first one as after all she looked more like a bimbo then the one at the police station. It also didn’t help that in the lobby area, a few people who were probably maintenance workers just happened to be watching a replay of the Rockets friendly with Dancougar.

“May I help you?” asked the receptionist. Nervously, Shaina responded, “Yeah, I, I have to talk to someone about what I found which will be a major news story.”

“Well just hand it over, give me your name and number and we’ll get back to you. What is it concerning?” asked the receptionist. Shaina, at first, was going to give it to the lady but then thought better of it. She wanted to make sure she got credit for being the one that discovered this because she knew she could really stand to make money off of it. “It’s about Jeremy McAllister. I’d really like to talk to a reporter about it. Jeremy cheats!” None of the maintenance staff nearby seemed to hear the comment, and if they did, they just brushed it off as a jealous Cougars fan of Jeremy’s accomplishments.

“Oh my, I love Jeremy! He is such a legend! How can you say he cheats! I mean really, leave now. This is the great Jeremy McAllister you are talking about!” the receptionist replied. Dejectedly, Shaina was about to leave but then it hit her. This is how everyone in Newmanistan was going to respond. That is why she had the information in her hand. She was going to have to prove it, no one would believe her otherwise. She walked up to the receptionist and exclaimed, “I am a housekeeper at a hotel where Jeremy left this pamphlet. As you can see it is information about how to avoid the detection of Human Growth Hormone in one’s body. It has some doctor’s information on it. I couldn’t believe this either!”

The receptionist was speechless. She flipped through the pages and saw for herself. “I can’t believe this. I really don’t know what to say. I will have Scott Davis (their lead investigative reporter) down here immediately.” Shaina nodded. “Miss, have you went to the police?” “Yes,” Shaina replied, “I did but they were very rude to me just because they know me because my boyfriend is incarcerated. They don’t know because they did not want to look.”

“Well Scott has been running an investigation on the police department, so he probably won’t be surprised to hear that either. I’ll page him now. Nice to meet you by the way, I’m Sarah.”

“Same here Sarah, I’m Shaina.”

They wait and make small talk until Mr. Davis arrives.

“Hey Scott, done taping your segment?” Sarah asked. “Yeah, another piece on the Police Department. Found out another detective was stealing cocaine from the station that they had confiscated from criminals. That’s the third one in the last two months.” Scott Davis replied.

“I’m so tired of their crap. Just this morning on the way to work had one turn on his siren just to avoid a red light. Little things like that just make me wish I could pull them over! Anyway, this lady has some big news about Jeremy McAllister. Apparently she has obtained proof that Jeremy has been using performance enhancing drugs and therefore everything he has accomplished is tainted..” Sarah said. “You can’t be serious.” Mr. Davis replied in disbelief as he walked over to Shaina. “May I see what you have?” he asked.

Shaina handed over the information. It only took Mr. Davis ten seconds to reply, “Oh my God. This is big. Really, really big. Sarah, get my entire staff down here immediately. Miss, you come with me too, please.”

Davis knew that probably more would be needed, but he made a living at being able to find it.

Sure, it was only a friendly.

But for Franz Braddock, the 2:2 draw to Taeshan showed some major defensive deficiencies. It wasn't the goalfest that Krytenia and Starblaydia put on in the other Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy fixture, but allowing two goals was bad enough.

"We need to be more responsible on the defensive end," Braddock said. "I'm happy with Matt Lynch and Reese Nichols , but I'm disappointed with the rest of the team."

It was Sarzonia's first pre-World Cup qualifying match without designated goon Spencer Hicks, who was watching the match from the upper concourse at Mike Sarzo Stadium in Nicksia. He smiled ruefully when asked about the still new grounds.

"It's a great stadium to play in and to watch a match in," he said. "I wish I would have found out later how great this stadium is to watch a match in."

However, his playing career ended, prematurely, he'd say, after a disagreement about reduced playing time. Braddock wouldn't accept dissent, at least not vocipherous dissent, about his managerial decisions. Hicks was the kind of player who would get in anyone's face. That combination seemed combustible from the outset and turned out to be that way.

"Perhaps I could have handled it better, but I'd have liked more communication from Braddock, you know?" Hicks said. "I'd started two World Cup qualifying efforts prior to Braddock coming here. You'd like to think I'd be treated better."

For his part, Lynch didn't want to get into the controversy.

"It's a managerial decision and it's between Spencer and Coach Braddock," Lynch said. "I just lace 'em up and play where coach tells me [b]when coach tells me."

Lynch likely would not have a problem with Braddock. He was the first player whom Braddock reached out to. He was the unquestioned star player on this team, and the man who served as unofficial liaison between the coach and the players. Sure, Ben Davis was the captain, but Lynch occasionally served as an intermediary between the coach and his players.

"We've got a short qualifying campaign ahead of us," Nichols said, also refusing to take the bait and discuss the Hicks situation. "We can't afford to get off to a slow start or stumble at the end. We need to play well throughout if we want to get into the World Cup finals for our first time."

http://img122.imageshack.us/img122/6681/admiralslogo.png

Three Friendlies, Three Not So Surprising Results.

Arroza 2-0 Bears Armed @ Waypath

It was certainly an interesting game as the Ursines of Bears Armed made their way into the inland of Resurgens to play the Admirals. The game was moved inland and into the mountains, as Waypath has cooler temperatures than anywhere on Arroza's coasts, and the Ursines couldn't have been comfortable in the blazing temperatures normally in effect in Atalanta this time of year. In the end, the Admirals still pulled out a dominating win, even if it was against backups and not starters. Lancaster and Viades both scored, the latter on a free kick from 32 yards.

Secristan 0-2 Arroza

After last tournament's trip by Secristan to the Casino Royale complex, the Admirals took the chance to return the favor, meeting Secristan in Amherst's hyper-exclusive resort area to extend their series of friendlies to 4 straight Cups. This time it was the Admirals ho suffered from tourist's syndrome, losing 2-0.

Arroza 0-1 Cassadaigua

On the same day that The Admirals played the Auric Wolves, to determine the fate of the World Bowl's group one, the soccer Admirals played the Femme Fatales of Cassadaigua across town at IslandAire in what has become a common friendly. This is the third straight World Cup that's seen a friendly between these two teams. Unfortunately, the Dagans have worn the pants in this relationship, as the Admirals have never beaten them. This game was no different as a late goal by a Cassadaiguan sub led to their 1-0 win. Attendance was horrid though as almost all Arrozans were watching the football game across town.

Question of The Day!
[Guaranteed to be answered by holistic monks who can supposedly see behind the Fourth Wall!]

Has Arroza ever considered having rotating trophies like the Dancougarians do? I think it would be cool to commeorate[sic] some our rivalries with a trophy of some sort.
Christine Bouie, Koskiusko, Pine Forest.

Well, we've never considered having rotating trophies, but there are certainly some opportunities for at least three or four. What I can come up with off the top of my head could include.

The Golden Bee – Arroza and Vephrall.
Maybe it has something to do with the migratory patterns of settlers entering both of these island countries, but both seem to have an affinity for bees, normally not shared by the populaces of their neighboring countries.

A Fistfull of Rusas – Arroza and Secristan
Going back to the First International Basketball Championships, this battle between money and talent has been going on now across three sports with surprisingly equal results.

Andrew Claxton's Teeth - Arroza and Dancougar
World Bowl I was a long time ago, and after the Brutes and Cotenshires of the world, a little fan brawl between six or seven hundred fans doesn't seem so major. But in World Bowl I when Claxton sparked a fight against Dancougar fans in the middle of Pocono City, it was worldwide news.

World Cup Schedule:

Arroza v. Wessia – IslandAire Stadium, Atalanta, C.D.
Arroza @ Kura-Pelland
Arroza v. Prux – H.E.B. Breakwater Park, Rockport, L.T.
Arroza @ Lecland
Arroza v. Nong Nang Ning – Fisherman's Union, Black Tide, S.C.
Arroza @ Wessia
Arroza v. Kura-Pelland – Seraphi Electric Park, Portsmouth, St. Simona
Arroza @ Prux
Arroza v. Lecland – Casino Royale, Huracan, Huracan
Arroza @ Nong Nang Ning

Meghan’s Space

World Cup 46 qualifying will begin today, and we are very excited about it, especially after a great showing in our three friendly matches. They say these games don’t mean anything in the long run, but I completely disagree with that. They don’t mean anything once qualifying officially begins as all teams have zero points right now. But when you have a roster like ours, the games mean a ton. We don’t play together much. Of us eleven players that presently slated to start, nine of us play overseas, and there are none of us who are teammates of another at the club level. All the training in the world won’t help you the way that playing a match against another team, or in this case, another nation, will. For three games, we were able to get reacquainted with one another. It’s been a little while since the Empire Charity Cup and our great runner-up finish there, and that was the last time we faced another opponent. Communication is so very important, and it helps you learn what you’re doing right and wrong in an environment that’s more serious then a practice session. Our three matches for pre-qualifying were against Dancougar, Arroza, and West Zirconia. Now I know you all want me to get to that West Zirconia game, but the first two were pretty important too. Kristen Stockton had a pretty good game, stopping several tough shots including a beautiful one against Stefan Rosberg in the twelfth minute. We thought they played well, but our defense held strong. Kristen was also stellar. The goals came in the second half, and within five minutes of each other. Rosberg got one for Dancougar, but Erica Daniels, who plays there professionally, got one back about five minutes later. Against Arroza, Kristen gave us another great game in goal. There was some tension in the first half between the teams as Allison Endres and Amber Pena exchanged some shoves in the 15th minute, to get rewarded with yellow cards, and then later it was Michelle Garrett and Stephen Barra. This may have had something to do with the World Bowl, and some disappointments we had with Arroza failing to put forth a good effort in that when we desperately needed them to win. After the keepers played great to keep it scoreless through 80 minutes, Kamisha Poston, who came on in the 76th, used her fresh legs and some nice moves to get through the defense and score the only goal of the match. Revenge for us anyway, maybe not for our World Bowl team. Then we had West Zirconia, and our four goals in the first fifteen minutes. West Zirconia seemed a little distracted by their surroundings, and possibly they enjoyed Cassadagan nightlife a little too much the night before. Stacie Kerrigan-Fraser and Erica Daniels got one, then myself and Jennifer Lowry. With the quick lead, we practiced some defensive sets, and West Zirconia didn’t seem that interested pressuring us much. Then came history. In the 50th minute, coach Baynes substituted Matthew Webb into the match. Matthew became the first male ever to play in a soccer game for us and he was treated to loud standing ovation. In the 62nd minute, he gave us more history, by scoring a goal. Later, Stacie added her second of the match, and we win 6-0. A pretty amazing scoreline if I say so myself.

Now that we got our glorified practice sessions over with, it is time to begin qualifying, and try to get back to the World Cup Proper. We will begin with a match against West Newmanistan on the road. It puts me pretty close to where I play professionally, but Centralia actually is a long way away from the disputed border between these countries. Since I play in Newmanistan, I know a little bit about what is going on here, because it’s unavoidable in the news. I guess they all think it might be resolved soon, which I guess is good. Four years ago, we did a great job at winning the games we were supposed to win, and even though the Patriots aren’t a terrible team, it is still a team that we are better then, and therefore, need to beat.

From: Kazehakase
To: the Fußballbund of Allemenschen

Hi, I am Kazehakase, a HURDist soccer roboter, playing for Rejistania. Before you joke: yes, I am still beta, but I will be Version 2.0 final in about half a year. Seriously. I saw your somewhat... subpar performance lately against Somewhereistonia, I suspect you might be interested in using and contributing to the source code of the HURDist soccerbots. While of course everyone can see and improve the sourcecode of us, we are a OpenSource project, and while the HURDists actually encourage participation, I want to ask you for one thing: Use our code, if your like, change it to your liking, if you think it is better that way, but please, in no way, submit anything which the programmers of your androids created to the HURDist version control system! It would throw us back for years!

Yours, Kazehakase!

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Team "on track" after friendlies despite injury concerns

National football team coach Edward "Big Ted" Large declared himself "satisfied" with Quodite performances in pre-qualifying games before the beginning of World Cup 46 side. After drawing 2-2 with Wysterian rivals Achtervolging - leaving the unofficial regional title up in the air - in a special game designed to act as a testimonial for retiring senior players, and which saw surprise return appearances from Charlie Williams and Robert "Bob" Robson, the side beat the Second Golden Empire 4-2, and then lost 1-0 to Septentrionia in their first away game. Quintessence of Dust travels to The Bear Islands to play their first official match, at South Beach.

Ólafur Kjartansson and Marko Drescher both scored their debut international goals in the Macabee game, and Goshinho scored against both Achtervolging and the Golden Whites, but will not play against the Bears as the suspension he earned on the last matchday of the Cup of Harmony comes into effect. Brikk Schitthausen, usually immovable, recovered from a stomach infection to feature in Septentrionia, but Hanna van Himpfelschnnoorrddt was unavailable for both games owing to unspecified complications from a llama-related incident.

But the most significant absence is embattled captain Peter Rogers, with Jessica Jensen taking over as captain in the interim. Billy Hudson, the Atlantea Hurricanes midfielder, earned his debut cap as he came on as a substitute in the second qualifier, and played the full 90 minutes against Septentrionia as Jensen donned the armband for the first time after Rogers limped off with a knee injury, which later proved more serious. He is expected to return soon, but the absence has provoked a new round of criticism about the frequency of matches.

"Scheduling three friendlies was mad," said Arlo Cockbadger, manager of QNRVPL stragglers the Rahlia Regals. "It's not surprising players pick up niggling injuries that affect their performance. And it's not fair on the clubs either. Thank Quod in this case he plays for some foreign team." QFA Chair Derek Drake said the friendlies had been "financially beneficial" and "provided needed match experience after a protracted break". Nonetheless, he admitted that next time, they might be spread out more evenly.

The city of Torgos was a slumbering giant inside the heart of Pasarga, on the main island of Pargis. Built of brick and stone and steel and whatever else you get your hands on around these parts, and slabbed together to create one of those primate cities that was a jewel to behold. At the very heart of the city, there stood two towering buildings that made up the majority of the skyline for the emerging economic tiger, the Stade de Torgos and a massive Zoroastrian Fire Temple. Both of these magnificent buildings dwarfed the supposed capital building that was merely a block away on the same street. For the citizens of Torgos, trapped between a mountain chain and the ever raging sea, life was pleasant enough as the went about their day to day activities, much like the rest of the world did. Only a young man with jet black hair dared to be different from the rest of the crowd now gathering around the Stade de Torgos for the first ever home international for the Pasarga National Team. While the man was yet still very much green, he had dreams and ambitions, ideas that were normally kept down by his overbearing parents. Now that he had given them the slip, he was about to explore those avenues as best he could, and maybe even change the world. His name was Márkó Bányai, and he was ready to make his name be famous...

Wanderers Set to Begin Anew

After weeks of bitter disappointment following the Wanderers rather meager showing at their inaugural tournament in the Baptism of Fire, the excitement that had been drained from the fan base has been rekindled now as the side begins to participate in their first ever home international match. A capacity crowd is expected to be at the Stade de Torgos for the evening kick off, as the side gets a true test in their first Qualifying match, the previous World Cup Champions of Candelaria And Marquez. It's a stern test for the Wanderers to be taking on their regional neighbors and former World Cup Champions in the beginning of qualifying, but that is one of the consequences of their poor showing at the Baptism of Fire.

Much like at the Baptism of Fire, the success of the squad is going to revolve heavily along their strike partnership. Ausilio Calabrese is possibly the closest thing that Pasarga has to a genuine great player, as has been shown in the previous two seasons of the domestic league. His star has risen soo high and soo fast that Galactica has even been receiving inquiries about his availability in the recent weeks. However, he was unable to make use of his talent at the BoF, merely netting just twice in the entire tournament. Indeed, while Calabrese is the striker of today, if his play does not improve Samuka Szatmári could be getting some playing time very soon. Szatmári has impressed in his two seasons in the CMSC, and has even broken into the starting line up of Sloane Wanderers, becoming their most prevalent goalscoring threat. He is still very green though, and could use another season or to to sharpen his skills before being a genuine contender for the starting spot.

All that said, the goal for the squad is simple; give an adequate showing of themselves and do their best not to be embarrassed. Points wise, this would likely be nabbing ten points, which could be doable with a tad bit of luck and making Stade de Torgos a fortress. Studies have shown that if you can win your home fixtures and can manage to draw your away matches, you are quite likely to progress through. While qualification itself is not a realistic dream, there are a few fans who think Pasarga has what it takes to be the new Quakmybush. All of it starts tonight though, as the Big Blues come to Torgos and look to show the Wanderers the ropes of full senior international competition.

from the Sikenian Daily:

Friendly start for the Orange-Blues 2.0

The Orange-Blues met Somewhereistonia in their first match as a re-unified nation. The friendly took place in the Estadije Sen-La-Sa͜o in the former independent nation and now still semi-independent nanti, rekijo and city of KaMaRi. The match was an important preparation for the team. Coach Natus'he of the Orange-blues of course had the hardest possible first match, you could imagine: The opponent is noöne else than the nation, he hails from and probably feels patriotic to. We have to say probably because our definitions on what defines good rejistanian or good English differ from the ones, Natus'he uses for his interviews.

The Lasane clearly proved that the unification alone did not turn the Transnationals into a world class team. The match was rather close. Or the Eagles were just a really good team, seeing that they won the Baptism of Fire Tournament, this is a serious possibility. The match was a match between two attacking teams: Both teams had (and wasted) many chances. The Orange-Blues were many taimes saved by an unlikely combination of luck, dumb luck and almost-miracles. Skormilonski'he and Kusnets'he not only challenged the match commentators but also the rejistanian defense and goalkeeper Kazehakase quite often.

Instead of Jenji Y, Natus send in his brother Hamenil Y. Maybe he believed that Jenji Y had the same skill on scoring in the last minutes of the game as the unrelated former national player of the same name. Even though Jenji Y did score the only goal in this match in the 90th minute after being substituted in in the 90th minute, he claims that this was just a coincidence.

OOC: some explanations:
Lasane: team

MD 1 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14778243&postcount=3)

Woodstock Daily Mail

Stars open with away victory

By Travis West
Daily Mail Staff Writer

For a team that was given a tough beginning to its World Cup XLVI qualifying campaign schedule, the Sarzonian national football team sure didn't act like it was a problem.

They would open their schedule away from the friendly confines of Bryan Marshall Memorial Stadium in the nation's capital, Woodstock, against a solid Logria side. The other two results came in from Group 13 and saw the home teams hold serve as The Holy Empire defeated Kyrtenia 4:2 and little heralded Terra Anatidae defeated Algal States 4:0.

The Stars would become the only Group 13 away side to win its opening match, defeating Logria 0:2 behind a Zack Wilson goal and an own goal, giving Sarzonia three vital points.

"We know how hard it is to win matches," said Franz Braddock, who had several World Cup qualifying campaigns under his belt with Cafundelense national teams in the years prior to Sarzonia's re-emergence in the world football scene. "You know what you have to do, but it's still tough sometimes."

If it was tough in this match, the Stars (1-0-0) didn't show it. They dominated possession throughout, holding the ball for 58 minutes to 42 minutes for Logria (0-0-1). The only thing that worked against Sarzonia in this match was the play of the Logrian goalkeeper, who made seven saves.

"If it weren't for that keeper, we might have won 5-0," said one of the jilted Stars strikers, Matt Lynch. "Give them credit, though. They battled hard. Now we're going to have to do the same."

The Stars return to Marshall Stadium for their home fixture against world No. 5 The Holy Empire, a team that advanced to the World Cup finals despite playing with cavemen, whom some Stars supporters derided as "dumb as rocks." However, forward Reese Nichols cautioned against that.

"They're the world's fifth-ranked side for a reason," he said. "They lost in the World Cup finals last time out. They just put it to a strong Krytenia side whom we haven't beaten since we returned to international football. We've definitely got our work cut out for us."

That may be true. But for Braddock, he wouldn't have it any other way.

"When you haven't been in the World Cup for a while, you learn to appreciate how hard it is to get there," he said. "Being away from international managing, I learned to appreciate the good that came from my work. That's the message I'm going to try to get across to the lads."

THE ROCKET REPORT

IT MAKES YOU WANNA CRY

Putnam Lake- The World Baseball Classic starts in a few days. Maybe there we can win on matchday one, because we certainly can’t do it in the World Cup. The schedule makers couldn’t have given us an easier first match of qualifying, at home, against some nation that is referred to as the Banten States. Finally, we’d start on the right foot, right? Right? Anyone? So yes, we have all witnessed yet another display of matchday one futility by our Rockets by allowing the Banten States to come to Putnam Lake Stadium and get a 1-nil victory. The good news is, yes, there is good news. Well maybe some news that isn’t completely bad. The Macabees lost. But they lost to Yafor 2, like they were supposed to. Steroga looks like they just bettered their win total in the Baptism of Fire with their win over The McLaughlin Islands. Sure, upsets happen, and there will be plenty of people who are ready to make all kinds of excuses for the Rockets, but when it happens over and over to start qualifying campaigns, it either makes you cry, or laugh at its pathetic nature.

No game analysis is necessary. Newmanistan played horribly. There, analysis over. No, instead, let’s make excuses for our Rockets on why they played so bad. Here are our top ten reasons why Newmanistan choked so badly in a game that they could win.

#10- Blame it on the ref. It’s always the refs fault. He was singlehandedly responsible for all of wide shots and failed scoring opportunities.

#9- It’s the curse of Simeone Di Bradini. How many times do we have to keep telling you all that?

#8- Margaret has family that lives in the Banten States.

#7- The players would rather continue their Cup of Harmony dynasty.

#6- The Banten States are actually a pretty damn good team and are going to shock the world and not only qualify for the World Cup, but win the whole damn thing.

#5- Playing in Putnam Lake made them think about Jeremy McAllister. (The retired one). Therefore those constantly errant passes were actually passes that were intended for some kind hallucination on our players part that J-Mac was actually on the pitch.

#4- The players think it is an unwritten rule that we HAVE to lose (or at least not win) the first game of qualifying.

#3- Someone (on the team) bet a ton of money on the Banten States.

#2- The players spent too much time partying on the beach before the game. Actually, there is probably some truth to this.

And finally, the #1 excuse our players have for their pathetic performance tonight.......
#1- We weren’t playing Taeshan or Dancougar!

http://i699.photobucket.com/albums/vv351/Nethertopia/TheNethertopianTimes.png?t=1241810150

Purple Knights Open With Win

Everyone loves the fresh smell of cut grass, except if you have allergies, but anyways the grass was cut and it was time for the Purple Knights to begin their season. Technically though you could not say the grass was cut, it was 33 degrees in the X Island Metorpark today so any grass that was cut was almost frozen so it didn't matter. Evryone loves the begining of the season, and that was yesterdays game. The Knights opened their season with a win so at least thats good.

The Knights won the game 1-0. The goal was scored by aging Striker A.F. Falcon who like many of the Knights is getting to a point were pretty soon they won't be able to keep up their speed, but they don't need it as the Knights are a defensive team mostly. But they at least didnt let the Tyrrineese team score or in fact they themselves scored is the big thing. Either way in the end the Knights won.

Blue Tornado Lose In Shootout

The Cafundeuns have been pegged as the biggest threat to the Kosovoens of making it to the World Cup as noone else in their group is even close to being as highly ranked, or even close to being anywhere near to as good as the Tornadoes and Cafuendeuns. Both teams are expected to breeze through the qualifying stage, but their biggest games would be well behind them by the end of the season. They open up both the begining and the middle agains each other in the two biggest group gasmes of all. In this game yesterday the Tornado fell 5-3 in an awesome shootout. The Cafundeuns scored 5 goals on the Tornado, but the fans still beleive they can win as they have also scored 3.

World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Iglesian Archipelago (6-2)
MD2: Greal VS Bostopia
MD3: Greal VS Chutnusak
MD4: Greal VS Septentrionia
MD5: Greal VS Italia Orientale
MD6: Greal VS Iglesian Archipelago
MD7: Greal VS Bostopia
MD8: Greal VS Chutnusak
MD9: Greal VS Septentrionia
MD10: Greal VS Italia Orientale


Greal smashes Iglesian Archipelago on MD1

In the team's first match since Cup of Harmony 37, Greal wrecked Iglesian Archipelago 6-2 in Matchday one. The opener was fantastic for Greal, and the number of viewers exploded to a new high due to word of mouth. Michael Istoma, Howard Anderson, and Sebastian Expan made their names once more, all combined scoring six goals. Iglesian Archipelago managed to get off two goals, but the victory was still large in favor of the Greal. This was, according to Ross Trent, the biggest victory Greal ever had. Hundreds of fans were mobbing the team after the game, and police were called in to stop them. Despite today's big victory, Greal will have an even tougher time tomorrow, against Bostopia.

In other matches...

Bostopia handily beat Italia Orientale 3-0.

Chutnusak was narrowly defeated by Septentrionia 2-3.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"That was a great match." said Ross.

"Can't believe I predicted a draw."

"Don't worry, it happens to everyone, now we got Bostopia next up."

"Are they any good?"

"Yes, they're the ones who massacred Greal in WC42."

"Looking for some payback time?"

"Yes."

"Well, maybe this time we might actually win."

"Good luck with that."

"Where are we meeting?" asked Ethan.

"The same bar as last time."

"Gotcha."

Fromburg Free Press
World Cup 46 Coverage

Rymeria stunned Qazox earlier today 2-1 on 2 late goals by the Rmyerian attacker A. Nonymous. After a 14th minute goal from Reginald Gillispie, Qazox' attack was stymied by the unusual 7-3-1 formation of Rmyeria. After Gene Sharman and Luella Escareno were subbed out in the 76th minute due to dehydration, Rymeria took full advantage scoring in the 83rd and 87th minutes to steal the win.

Qazox now heads home for an early must-win against Yelda on Thursday.


SCHEDULE
MD1: @ Rymeria
MD2: vs. Yelda @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla
MD3: @ Starblaydia
MD4: @ Dariusville
MD5: vs. Dave Campbell @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla
MD6: vs. Rymeria @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla
MD7: @ Yelda
MD8: vs Starblaydia @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City
MD9: vs Dariusville @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla
MD10: @ Dave Campbell

THE Fromburg Free Press PRESENTS
The 10th Best Player
in Black Oxen/Pheonix Footballing History

Player: Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez
Played in: Baptism of Fire 14, World Cup 27-30 qualifiers.
Caps: 63 (4th most in team history)
Goals: 19 (t7th most in team history)
Best Moment: 2 goals vs. The Mice of Miceland MD 1 WC 30 qualifiers.

The only member of the original BoF team to play in 4 qualfiers, Ms. Gonzalez Owned Gonzalez Sports Apparel in Marleyville, Sativaville she died just this past January at the age of 97, the oldest player of the original team. Ms. Gonzalez, while not the best goal scorer, unoffically still holds the national team record for assists with 102.

[OOC: Sorry this is crap, my sister checked her emails and somehow deleted all my computer settings. So I've been sorting out those instead.]

-On the stealing of the trophy-

On the night that Somewhereistonia won the Baptism of Fire, the nation was ecstatic, they were only ever going to get one chance at this trophy, and they had taken it brilliantly, after narrowly scraping through the group, they went on to beat those that had beaten them early on before beating Kagdazka in a great final.

Manager Ergma was not above the celebrations that night and the entirety of the team (including what had turned out to be a heavily concussed Oll) drank and danced and sang through the night. When the first of the players clawed themselves through the covers in the morning their first emotion was horror. The trophy had gone! There was much searching and blaming during the hours afterwards, but there was no sign of it, the trophy had been stolen. The only clue was that the Golgoth player who had been working in the accommodation had been seen leaving with a large trophy shaped object, at least according to the Errinunderans, who seemed genuinely bemused by much of the tournament anyway.

Once they had returned home (to a very confused victory celebration), it was decided that some course of action was to be taken against Golgothastan, the first step; writing a very angry letter.


To whomever it may concern,

The Somewhereistonia Sporting Assocation is saddened to announce that during the celebrations in the evening of the Baptism of Fire final, the trophy was stolen from the accommodation provided by the Errinunderan's.

We have reason to believe that the trophy is currently in the possession of a player from the Golgothastan team. We demand the return of the trophy which rightfully belongs to the Somewhereistonian team. Return the trophy at once and no more action will be taken.

If the trophy is not returned accordingly, then further action may prove necessary. Your ruinous farmland will feel the consequences.
Signed,

Angry Somewhereistonian authorities

-On the 'normal' friendly matches-

Somewhereistonia prepared hard for their friendlies, but it was not the team that won the Baptism of Fire, it was in fact the reserve team that was tried out. A few spaces were left open on the team sheet following the successful Baptism of Fire tournament, and it was these that were being played for in the three friendly matches.

The first match, against the Macabees, was generally a positive result for the reserve team, with a strong defensive performance keeping the Macabees to long shots on goal, although the strikers for Somewhereistonia appeared isolated and unable to create the breaks that had helped the first team to win the Baptism of Fire. Zuokas probably has the best chance of the game when he cut inside the centre back on 65' before firing towards the bottom corner, the ball pinging off the post before being cleared. The defenders were looking strong and Ranilas especially performing the best with several strong, well-timed tackles.

The next match was against Rejistania, but the result was not quite as good as hoped, with Somewhereistonia yet again failing to score, with Astra looking especially flat and unlikely to retain his place in the squad. In an effort to try to win the game, Ergma brought on Skormilonski and Kusnets who created several chances, although failed to get past the keeper. Kusnets hit the woodwork twice as the Egles struggled to score. In the 90th minute, a bad mistake by Oper was snatched upon by the Rejistania striker, whose clean shot glided into the bottom corner, much to the despair of the out of favour defender, who had now virtually assured that he would not be playing in the world cup. Again the defence held well and the game finished a poor 1-0. Following the result it was announced that Oim would retain his world cup place and Ranilas would take Oper's. The two were then to be rested for the next friendly, as were the rest of the selected squad.

The third friendly, this time against Newmanistan; brought with it Somewhereistonia's first goal since winning the final of the Baptism of Fire, with Zuokas slipping past the defender on 43' before cutting the ball back to Altosaar to fire into the top corner, a great goal and one that eventually proved to be what put the two players into the world cup squad. The two linked up again just before half-time, with the keeper making a great save to deny a second. To try out other options, Zuokas and Altosaar were subbed off at half-time.

The second half was much poorer, with very little in the way of attacking strength from the Eagles. Newmanistan had had an unusually slow start, but picked up in the second half, with several good chances. They equalised fantastically soon after the break, with the striker able to nod the cross home past fourth choice keeper Burman. It was much later, in the 77th minute that they got the deserved lead with a long strike from midfield swerving past the keeper into the top corner. It finished 2-1 but the team had now been selected. They were now ready for the world cup qualifications, or just about.

"YES DAVID?!"
"Huh?"
"YOU PRESSED THE ALERT BUTTON DAVID. WHAT'S WRONG?!!!?!?!!!"
"Oh, yes. Get rid of this tape please."
"IS THAT THE BEARS ARMED GAME?"
"Yes. Rubbish too. Boring game. Bloody bears playing football. I tell you what, say I'll tell you what! Not in my day, oh no, no way."
"RIGHT. WELL YOU KNOW WE PLAYED OUR FIRST PROPER GAME TODAY DOWN IN DELPHI?"
"What game?"
"FOOTBALL DAVID. THE SANDRIAN TEAM PLAYED IT'S FIRST GROUP GAME AGAINST AUSTRALIAZIA."
"Excellent. Have you the tape?"
"YES DAVID, RIGHT HERE. IN FUTURE, PLEASE ONLY USE THE CALL BUTTON FOR AN EMERGENCY."
"Uhh, sure, call button, yes."

I was pretty confused about the whole call button thing, but wasn't worried. Australiazia. It didn't sound like a normal country and I immediately didn't like it. Infact, to be honest, I hated them. They sounded like a country who would have horrible accents and a shocking record of human rights abuses towards the aboriginal people of the land. Chances are they would elect a pretty average Prime Minister and leave him in office far too long. Also, I doubt they would have very good sports teams. But they was just my original thoughts.

Back to a bit of my own history. As I was saying last time, I wasn't always a cripple. I was the first double international for Peisandros, playing football and the then legal rugby league. Well, that's kind of true. Back in my day we didn't actually play other countries. But I was the first name to appear in both the Peisandros Football Association's coveted 'Team of the Year' and just two years later the Rugby League Peisandros' 'Top Seventeen'. It was a big deal back then and it should be now. Within the last six years we've become big on the international football scene and we also won a rugby league World Cup, which was hardly covered in Peisandros due to it's legality.

Football was always my childhood passion. While rugby and rugby league are probably more popular in the cities, football is the sport of the countryside. You would travel for hours with a school team on a friday night for a saturday game. Rivalries up and down the coast, or on the other side of the nation, were fierce. Once school was finished it was Old Boys clubs, but as more and more of the country folk went to work in the cities, clubs starting popping up around the poor areas. That's when the City v Country rivalry first begun. I was always a country boy, working the farm with my father and brothers.

When I was about 17, there was a national City v Country game and I was in contention for the Country side --

"DAVID!!!!!!!!?!!?//!!/1/!!!!?!!/!"
"Yes?"
"IT'S TIME FOR YOUR SHOWER."
"Oh, I'm fine. I want to watch this game."
"HOW ABOUT AFTER THE SHOWER? IT'S A VERY GOOD GAME, I THINK YOU'LL BE IN A GOOD MOOD AFTERWARDS."
"Fuck. Do you have to be so obvious?"
"SORRY DAVID. RIGHT, UP WE GET."
"Fine."


Schedule.
PQ Friendly:
@ Bears Armed 0-1.
Qualifying round one:
MD1: v Australiazia (Peisandros Basin, Delphi.) 5-0.
MD2: v Somewhereistonia (National Sports Arena, Olympia.)
MD3: @ Edward City
MD4: v Golgothastan (People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.)
MD5: @ Sorthern Northland
MQ Friendly:
v Quintessence of Dust (Peisandros Basin, Delphi.)
Qualifying round two:
MD6: @ Australiazia
MD7: @ Somewhereistonia
MD8: v Edward City (ATI Stadium, Thasos.)
MD9: @ Golgothastan
MD10: v Sorthern Northland (National Sports Arena, Olympia.)

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 12
PRQ: @ 0-1093 Somewhereistonia (@ oh noz!!! LOST!!! WE'RE LOST!!!)
MD1: 0-1 @ Vephrall (@ oh noz!!! MEICE!!! it's a herd of MEICE!!!)
MD2: @ O Ale Ale (@ oh noz!!! BEER!!! it's gallons of wasted BEER!!!)
MD3: vs Carpathia and Ruthenia (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MD4: @ Lovisa (@ oh noz!!! POSTS!!! it's those weird POSTS!!!)
MD5: vs West Zirconia (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MQ: @ ghosts
MD6: vs Vephrall (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MD7: vs O Ale Ale (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MD8: @ Carpathia and Ruthenia (@oh noz!!! VAMPIRES!!! it's next to those damned VAMPIRES!!!)
MD9: vs (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MD10: @ West Zirconia (@ STORMGroup Stadium, Mort Park - oh noz!!! DIAMONDS!!! It's fake western DIAMONDS!!!)
PTQ: vs ghosts?

Koryatsky had fully assembled the Cabinet. And it wasn't a pretty sight. Half of the Ministers were dressed in furry purple-stinging nellie costumes. As if it were some costume party. What made it worse was that the extremities were pretty left unclothed, offering Koryatsky an unusually bare glimpse at the strange anatomies of the Ministers.

"My, what manly arms you have got, Minister," Koryatsky remarked.

"Where's yours?" the minister replied.

"Oh... I don't have manly arms..."

"Your Allemenschen jersey!!!"

"Jersey?" Koryatsky asked, a bit bewildered. At that moment, Kowak burst into the Cabinet Conference Room, dressed much like those already present.

"Pardon me!" he yelled. "I was having difficulty fitting it on. I swear that it must have shrunk since I last wore it."

"Your belly certainly seems more portly, Prime Minister," another minister remarked. "Glad that it still fits."

"What the %$#^ is going on?" Koryatsky asked vehemently. Instantly, the alarms went off, and the Cabinet spent a good minute or two watching the Censor Android going about its business - washing his mouth out with soap. Koryatsky needed more time to get back his voice without the bubbles from coming out. "I've got turn off that %$#^ machine." Needless to say, they wasted even more time watching the President get washed out. Thirty minutes to be precise...

"So..." Koryatsky said, a bit aggravated still. "What's with all of this ridiculous costume game?"

"Allemenschen plays against Vephrall today!" Kowak shouted. "Where's yours?"

"Pardon me for being a bit sensible, but wearing the most disgusting carcass in the world is hardly something I'd want to wear. Besides, it's those androids that will be playing today, not the vermin nellies."

"Says you!!!" the Cabinet roared, turning on the game. Half-time was just ending, with the players walking back onto the pitch. Understandably, there were an unusually large number of animal-control personnel at hand at the stadium as fans started to cheer in the typically Vephrese manner, fighting over a certain seat in Section 10 (oddly, not remotely near the field). The fact that the remainder of the stadium was left vacant didn't seem to disappoint the ministers - they were wildly cheering.

"It's still nil-nil!" they yelled.

"That's all good and well," Koryatsky said, trying to divert their attention to the more pressing matter of the reason why they had assembled in this sort of council. "but we really need to resolve the question of..."

The ministers all hushed him severally. The match restarted in earnest and the ministers eagerly watched the proceedings. Koryatsky was annoyed to nth degree, so much that his ass started to twitch to and fro. Actually... his ass didn't usually twitch to and fro... He checked his rear end, hoping to figure out what the problem was. He was oddly surprised not to find a purple-stinging nellie or a huge rash resulting from a purple-stinging nellie sting; it was a letter.

"How the %$#^ did that get there?" he asked, still turned quite awkwardly toward his own ass. Instantly, the Censor Bot came rushing into the room and stapled a metal plate on Koryatsky's mouth at the same time kicking within the general vicinity of his groin. Not surprisingly, the ministers didn't realize what was going on - they were fixed upon the TV, watching their crappy androids fare against the Vephrese football players. Actually, as it usually was with the androids, they were faring very well against themselves.

"That striker bot #0009 seems to be off-target today," they said.

"Where are the nellies?" Kowak asked, generally.

"It seems that the Vephrese animal control doesn't believe that they're on our national team roster."

"They're not."

"Oh, well, then they've just taken them and disposed them as they saw fit. Whatever that means. Probably they just released them into the woods out in the back. On that note, #9123 just made a fabulous save!!!"

"#9123!!!"

Koryatsky, in the meantime, managed to remove the metal sheet with a pair of staple removers. He was still in pain as to his other affected parts of his own anatomy, never mind that his eyes were slowly becoming corrupted by the distressing sight of old men in nellie costumes. But it was that nagging letter up his ass that was annoying him the most. He slowly slipped it out and unfolded the creases.

It was a very strange request...

"Hi, I am Kazehakase, blah blah blah... you might be interested... in no way..." He skimmed over the letter, wondering why it was stuck up his ass and why an android would be writing a letter to the Fussballbund of Allemenschen. Unless he meant the Football Association... in which case... why did he still get that letter stuck up his ass. And then it hit him.

"Hey!!!" Koryatsky said, rubbing his head. "Who threw that %$#^ remote?"

"Those GNARLY Vephrese players just scored a GNARLY goal!" they all yelled simultaneously.

Just then, the Censor Bot arrived, armed to the brink with deterrents. "Citizen!" it exclaimed loudly. "Your obscene language must be terminated."

"What about their obscene language?" Koryatsky replied.

"INPUT: GNARLY - not a registered obscenity. %$#^ is registered and with this the 984th offense, the Censor Bot has been tasked to use your worst fear to initiate a behavior modifying alteration." At that, the machine pulled out a gigantic purple-stinging nellies from its carapace and cornered Koryatsky against it in a sterile glass chamber. If anyone was watching, they certainly weren't hearing.

"Shouldn't we turn off the machine?" Kowak asked, noting with resignation that the androids would probably end up losing this match as well.

"Nah... it's doing a good job of keeping that purple-stinging nellie in that glass jar over there. Let it do its job."

"Ah..." Kowak replied. He turned around, looking for the President. "And where's Koryatsky gone?"

ooc: Computer ate my original RP, so this is a slightly hastier and lower quality version.
more ooc: 0-0! c'mon!

Paul Hart was in what he could only call a state of hypnosis. He knew there was noise all around him, that the crowd were roaring into their umpteenth rendition of the national anthem, that his assistant was chattering about tactics, formations and possible substitutions, and that the fourth official was giving a bit of a talking-to to the Liventian manager next to him, but he was blocking t all out. Paul was transfixed on the game, mesmerised by every pass and every tackle. In his mind he was kicking every ball, he was going up for every header, every tackle was scuffing his own knees at the turf. The only thing that could break the spell was the scoreboard, and now he was glancing over at it every minute. Couser Granite blasted a hopeful Liventian through-ball into touch. He got another chance to glance at the big screen in the corner of the ground. Two giant flourescent zeroes looked back at him. The clock beside it ticked over to read 76 minutes. He went back to being transfixed on the game. Carl Medic had robbed the Liventia winger of the ball from the Liventia throw-in and had played it up to Kelly Sporadic who turned his man and played a neat pass into the middle. They were doing it. They were doing it.

Paul reflected on the last six months. The miserable winter nights spent watching eleven useless individuals slogging around the pitch, being trounced by the local seventeen-man teams he'd set up to prepare the national side for life in their own half. It seemed like time well spent. Silexhera were playing like a team. A team of eleven useless individuals of course, but a team. For seventy seven minutes they'd worked for each other, ran for each other, backed each other up, provided cover, provided space, backtracked and overlapped. They'd been brilliant. They'd also been fortunate.

Liventia hadn't come to bulldoze the side like he thought they might. Despite their obvious advantages in skill and strength they hadn't tried to impose themselves. If anything they seemed disinteresed, and who could blame them? Who wants to turn up to play a team of no-names on a crappy pitch in the arse-end of nowhere when you could be at home in sunny Liventia with people who idolise you? Some of the Liventia team, it appeared, had done exactly that. Inspirational captain Colin Marshall had pulled up with a knee-knack the week before the game, which had saved Paul the ingnomony of trying to tell a player to kick him at the start of the game to dull his influence. What appeared to be a mix and match of fringe players were just having no luck at all breaking Silexhera down.

Paul took a second to scan round the stadium. The roar he'd blocked out came back. It was deafening. There were less than five-thousand people in here, all jam-packed into the specially extended stadium, but their proximity to the pitch made them next to deafening. Silexhera had gone football crazy. He'd expected the stands to sell out but hadn't forseen how quickly. There were a further thousand people making noise outside the ground. Giles, his journalist friend, had told him the TV viewing figures were expected to be through the roof. The week before the game there'd been a frenzy of media attention. Journos who'd previously seen the national team as a bad joke had seen the lads in training, and then seen the twenty-two professionals from foreign lands get off the plane, and decided to throw themselves into reporting the events. Paul knew what they were like. They'd hype the team up and then, after they'd been slaughtered, kick them when they were down. It'd even been called a 'do or die' game for Paul, that if Silexhera were beaten badly then he'd be out of a job. Hah. Balls to them. It was still 0-0 and it was going into the last ten minutes. He looked up at them. Some of them were joining in with the crowd. A big beam of a smile swept along Paul's face.

They were doing it! Paul realised he was being smug but he couldn't help it. He knew that without him this match wouldn't even have taken place, and if it had Silexhera would be ten-nil down and just as useless as they were when he first got them all together. The crowd had helped instill some of the self belief, team spirit and camaraderie that he'd been trying to shove down their throats for months. Even little Gopher Sporaskid, who had been so dreadful at times over the last six months that Paul had almost booked himself into a psychiatrists to analyse why the hell he'd picked him, was playing well. For the first twenty minutes of the game every time he got the ball he did something positive, something useful. He'd gotten energy from the crowd, he'd held the ball up well, he'd made precise passes, clever passes even, which wasn't a word he'd ever expected to use in the context of Gopher, and that pace. One magical moment in the first half had seen Kelly Sporadic, who had been every bit as brilliant as he had been in training and was giving Liventia some real problems in midfield, had seen Liventia's wing-back out of position and hit a ball down the line for Gopher to run on to. It was over-hit, and the goalkeeper had come out to try and collect in the absence of defensive cover, but Gopher had gone after it like a grey-hound. The goalie, who'd initially jogged out to the ball, had been panicked into a sprint and only just got there in time to nudge the ball out for a throw-in, and even then Gopher hadn't stopped. A quick turn had seen him pick the ball from the hands of a ball-boy and cob it into the box before the goalkeeper had time to get back into position. Only a full-stretched diving tackle from a backtracking defender had stopped Holiday from flicking the ball into the open net.

It hadn't all gone Silexhera's way of course. They hadn't been able to keep up the pace all through the half and Liventia had started to turn their lion's share of posession into pressure, and pressure into chances, which thankfully they'd fluffed most of. The only shot on target that didn't go straight at Colm Fisher was a decent header from a striker that had been well saved by the veteran goalkeeper. The second half had seen Liventia cause even more trouble. Another header was cleared off the line, Fisher's post was rattled by a long range effort he barely saw, and a winger had toe-poked a driven ball accross the box over the bar from six yards when a goal had looked certain. Silexhera's defence was obviously limited and were having to play at ten tenths to stay with Liventia, but they were managing it. Just.

Paul noticed whistles coming from the crowd. The big screen's clock ticked over to the ninety-minute mark. The fourth official held up a board that proclaimed three minutes of added time. The Liventia manager again got up and barked instructions to his team, who were still camped out in the Silexhera half. Paul felt a lump in his throat. Three minutes left. The best he'd expected from this match was what, a two-nil defeat? Maybe a loss by one goal if he was very fortunate, but by the looks of things they were going to get a point. A point! Officially there were two teams in the group worse than this lot and they can't even beat us! Paul knew what he was saying was silly. They weren't beating Liventia's national team, they were barely staying alive against what amounted to most of their reserves, but Silexhera's performance was such a marked improvement on the rag-tag bunch of no-hopers he'd inherited that he couldn't resist a smile. 92 minutes. The smile turned into a grin. The crowd were deafening. The whistles merged into another rendition of the national anthem, which then turned into a chant about captain Couser Granite as he again stopped a forward dead in his tracks with a strong tackle. Couser looked up and thrashed the ball into the night sky to the tune of 'One Couser Granite! There's only one Couser Granite!'. The thirty-nine year old was becoming a national hero. Paul hardly had time to give that any thought before he was almost knocked off his seat.

The ball had come down well inside Liventia's half. A defender was underneath it but made an absoloute hash of a defensive header, the ball skimming off the side of his head and bouncing off the floor and back fairly high into the air. Paul had been knocked off his seat by his assistant, who had seen the lightening quick Gopher Sporaskid pounce on the situation. Gopher leapt into the air and took the ball on his instep, knocking it ten yards in front of him as the defender scrambled to retreive the situation. He was through on goal. 93 minutes came up on the clock. The crowd were on their feet. The ball was rolling forward to the edge of the penalty area. The goalie had come to the edge of his six yard box, not daring to try and collect the ball lest he be made to look silly by Gopher's pace again.

In the split second it took Gopher to run up the ball to take his show, Paul had flashbacks of the past six months. Every time, every time Gopher had taken a shot at goal he seemed to pull it to the left. He'd tried to analyse why but couldn't. His kicking action wasn't bad, well, it was a bit but it was less bad than it was good, and his balance seemed to be as good as it ever was with such an awkward figure as Gopher, but every time he'd pull his shot to the left. He'd tried a thirty-yarder in training last week and it'd almost hit the left corner flag. He's had an open goal against a local side and somehow manage to hit the post. He'd smashed a low cross into the advertising hoarding from twelve yards just the week before, and the last time he'd been clean through on goal, in a match against the university team, he'd again spooned his shot to the left. Could this be it? Could this be the time that, finally, after a lifetime of practice, Gopher finally has the skill and confidence, buoyed on by this crowd, to finish a chance without pulling his shot to the bloody left.

Gopher's body twisted as he went for the shot. The goalie edged out a bit further. He was tense. Paul was tense. Gopher's right leg swung down and his foot struck the ball with a thick thud heard throughout the ground. The goalie dived to his left - Gopher's right. He'd been sent the wrong way, as Gopher shot spun and swirled past him, past the left hand post and into the crowd.

It was the biggest groan Paul had ever heard in his life. It had come from 5,000 people. The referee blew for full time. Paul giggled. It had been the weirdest day of his life, but it had ended with a feeling of great achievement and huge satisfation, desite Gopher being an absoloute twit.

SILEXHERA NIL
LIVENTIA NIL.

For thousands of people, it would be the most celebrated 0-0 draw in history.

Dancougar News!!
Why do people want ungreasy, uncrispy chicken from KFC?!

Bear-Belles bounce Wings in road opener: At least they didn't give up five goals this time.

The Wings lost their first qualifier for the second straight campaign, this time bowing out 1-0 in Council Groves to a determined Bears Armed team looking for its third qualification in as many attempts. Although Shigeru Takeuchi no doubt expected his team to draw on the lessons learned from a trio of poor friendly results, this match was more of the same. There were missed chances, mistimed passes, and, in the words of DSPN's Robert Vincennes, a "squadoosh" on the board.

Karramarsar Sarra had the only goal of the match, a powerful 25-yard shot in the 39th minute that took a wicked deflection off defender Tomo Asanuma en route to the goal. Asanuma was trying to hold off a run from Marra-Urra o Redwood and doing about as well as you'd expect a human to do against a bear. He was at least a nuisance, preventing o Redwood from reaching the ball in time, but Asanuma was in its path anyway, and the bounce put it behind Artur Komarov, who'd had a beat on the ball before it changed directions. Sarra was credited with the goal as it was judged that Asanuma had not purposely played the ball into his net.

The goal came on one of the few scoring chances for either team in the first half, as play tended to get bogged down in the midfield. Dancougar's tight marking strategy was working well and severely reducing the pace of the match, but by keeping tight, they weren't opening passing lanes for themselves, either. This led to a lot of kicking back and forth with the best chance coming in the 18th when Hiromasa Nagasawa tried to pick out the top corner but ended up putting it just over the bar. The pace of the game was such that the goal did little to chance the momentum, as neither team showed much initiative before the whistle.

"I think we were too... what is the word... tepid, I think," said Takeuchi, who is now 0-2 in qualifying openers. "I told the team at halftime that I was very disappointed in the effort. When you go down a goal, you have to come roaring back. Excuse the pun."

But all the roaring was done by the raucous home crowd. Around fifteen thousand Dancougar supporters made the trip and were easily visible by their Horrible Hand Towels, but they were completely drowned out by the harrumphs and hraroooms of the ursine fans. Although Bears Armed has, time and again, gone through great pains to express the good manners and calm behavior of their race, they're still quite capable of the guttural roars often associated with bears. They used it to great effect, especially when the second half began and the hosts looked to build on the lead.

"I think when you hear that, you can't help but feel intimidated," said midfielder Dan Florentino. "Physically, they're in control of themselves and aren't going to destroy us, but even if you convince yourself that you can keep up, you still have to deal with being surrounded by that noise. It's a mental game of chicken, and when you blink, you make the mistake that gives up a goal."

The Wings came close to ceding another in the 63rd when Ulga WestWalker, one of the few humanoids on the team, fired a free kick into the box that severely tested Komarov. He was unable to achieve authority in the air and weakly punched the ball out to the top of the box, where Sarra pounced in an attempt to net her second. Her shot sailed high of the open goal, and the threat passed.

Dancougar stepped up the pressure by switching to a 3-4-3, bringing on forward Makoto Katayanagi to see if he could find the scoring spark that he had with Port Royal last season. Katayanagi did attempt to open up the field with his runs, but he was unable to turn the corner on any of his ursine defenders, who used their size to offset their slower acceleration. There were few good angles for Dancougar's shooters all game, and they soon started taking pot shots from outside the box. Kent Montego and Florentino both came close with long-range efforts that missed the post by inches, and forward Stefan Rosberg likewise missed the corner. Each shot would have beaten goalkeeper Urra Thunder if on target.

"We knew the 'keeper couldn't get up there fast enough if we placed it right, and we just didn't have the accuracy," said Rosberg. "It hurt us in the other games we've played so far, and it killed us tonight. If I can get one or two of those balls to come down a few inches, we're taking three points home, simple as that."

With only nine games remaining to turn it around, the Wings already face a must-win situation when they host Liventia. Two or three losses would almost certainly eliminate the Wings from contention and consign them to the Cup of Harmony.

Intern fired for group number error: In a previous issue of Dancougar News!!, the Black Wings' qualifying group was incorrectly listed as group 13 when they are, in fact, in group 14. The News!! regrets the error and has already ensured that the intern responsible has been sacked.

Rob's Rant: WTF trophy games: All right, so I'm watching this game against bears, right, and it's already trippy enough that we have to play friggin' bears. I mean, okay, ethereal dream beings in a special field I can understand, and sometimes it's okay to even play a photograph of your best player in the history of ever. But bears can be mean. Talk about a real buzzkill. At least they're not invisible rabbits or we'd be completely boned.

But it's not even the bears that are the problem here, because the material prize in question was more than three points. No, we were up for the blinkin' Shirt on the blinkin' Stick. Ye Olde something or other. Spelled weird, with like 'f's where there should be 's'es. I don't get the joke. But yeah, it's the same thing now with the Bird on Skates. We play it close for the first few and actually get to hold onto the trophy. Now the bears have our shirt for two straight games, while the Rockets have the bird for, god, I don't even remember now.

So what's the common thread, here? The Rockets certainly aren't bears. I mean, those Prescotts, you'd think they were bears from how they destroy you, but no. It's the challenge cup. We dream these things up, we build them, we play for them, and WE NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN. The cake pan? Casari had that and then vanished. Now when someone asks about the cake pan, the FA has to tell them that the cake pan is a lie.

I know exactly what the problem is. Rivalry trophies originated in our colleges and passed to the national team back when we were still using college players. Yes, I actually did some research, guys, so you know this is serious business. And then even after we went to just pros, we kept, like, playing these things and making more. And you know what? The grand will of the universe - Margaret, right? - doesn't think that's cool. It's like we picked and chose what bits of heritage we wanted to keep, so the universe is all like, oh, you think that's funny guys, well here then, have a nice pile of fail.

We need to bring back the college kids, or get rid of the cups, or something. This is killing us. You know other countries are going to jump all up on this thing and be all like, yo, Dancougar FA, let's play this thing. And the FA will be all like, oh yeah, let's do this, it'll be awesome for the players and, oh yeah, fans LOL. Thank God we've never seen Liventia, let alone played them. We might win that one, unless they decide to create some crazy thing.

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 12
PRQ: vs 1-0 [99] Norwellia (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 60,000)
MD1: vs 4-1 [24] Jeru FC (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD2: @ [57] Quintessence of Dust (@ a philosopher's stand next to some big hairy dude)
MD3: vs [110] The Bear Islands (@ Potala, Lasa - 34,000)
MD4: @ [132] Threetime (@ Triple Trisomy?)
MD5: vs [84] Kagdazka (@ Silk Road Stadium, Seoan - 56,000)
MQ: @ [33] Taeshan (@ Atlantea Colesseum - a lot of small people)
MD6: @ [24] Jeru FC (@ barbarians' hut)
MD7: vs [57] Quintessence of Dust (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD8: @ [110] The Bear Islands (@ GAH! BARS! ... oh, that's bears, nvm...)
MD9: vs [132] Threetime (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD10: @ [84] Kagdazka (@ kak po russky...?)
PTQ: @ ghosts?

*** Hogwang Province ***

Po Hakrim woke up and nearly fell off the dragon. That might not have been as significant, if the dragon were resting on the ground. Instead, Po Hakrim was clearly riding on the back of a flying dragon, who was flying at an intense speed. What was the rush?

"Wait!" Hakrim said, rubbing his head. "What happened to the rock?"

"The rock has served its purpose," the dragon replied. "You should rest and wait out your journey. We are not yet arrived."

"Where are we going?"

"I am Eunyong," the dragon said, almost completely ignoring Hakrim's question. "I am one of sixty-six dragons who guard the elementals. We are the keepers of balance in the universe, we who impart our knowledge to mankind for the benefit of preserving this balance within mankind. You have been chosen to join their illustrious ranks and lead life in the manner befitting of such kin."

"Wha?"

"You think that I jest when I say that you have been chosen, but I have watched you for your whole life. You imagine that you have no talent, but he who has the patience to endure a life of servitude, instilling the toils of one's labor into the fruits of life that he seldom himself will experience can surely understand the sacrifice needed to preserve balance."

Hakrim was still confused, if not even more so. "You kinda lost me at 'I am Eunyong.' What the heck is all of this stuff for?"

"You have been chosen to learn the mastery of the elements," Eunyong said, sparing him no benefit of the doubt. Either he would understand or he wouldn't. "You have talent within your hands. How else does the rice go from your hands, into the fields, and then return at the end of the harvest so abundantly?"

"I thought that that was life torturing me," Hakrim replied.

Eunyong chuckling. "You are a blind boy, but I will hopefully restore to you your sight. You think that there is more to life than a simple establishment of land for cultivating much beyond crops and sustenance, but there is not. You will go into the world and find that there is no greater passion than to sit at the edge of your garden and reap the rewards of labor long suffered. We must each cultivate our garden."

"You sound a little corny. What happened to the rock?"

"The rock has served its purpose, and it is now fulfilling its own destiny. You have your own. Let us concern ourselves with that." Eunyong slowly filled over her back, such that Hakrim was now resting on her belly. "Are you aware of the elements?"

"Yes," Hakrim said proudly almost. "Hydrogen, helium, lithium..."

"Not those," Eunyong replied. "Earth, water, fire, wood, and metal."

Hakrim shook his head. "That's like ancient stuff."

"Ancient, but still relevant. To understand how each interacts is the key to balance in life. I do not mean to say that they are the only elements. What you speak of are more developed applications of matter, but these elements of which I speak are the basic fundamentals to understanding how we can manipulate our world."

At that instant, Eunyong grasps her hand and ignited a flame within her palm. "Water consumes fire," she said, as a cool mist engulfed the flame. "Earth consumes water," she said once more, as a fine dust engulfed the mist into a soft mud ball. "Wood consumes earth," she said again, as a seed grew from the mud into a small tree. "Metal consumes wood," she said, as the wood was chopped into smaller pieces. "And fire consumes metal," she said, as the metal melted into a fiery glob. "Each in its own cycle feeds and sustains the other parts. Understanding this principle can help us determine why the universe is in such chaos. Because people seek to make order from these things, but they do not understand the way. They build levees around the waters, but they do not realize that they had destroyed the balance. They build their factories to build great machines, but they do not realize that they had destroyed the balance. They till the earth, they supplant the waters, they burn the fuel, they mine the ore, they uproot the forests, but nature is free to do its will, whether mankind seeks its own intentions."

"Wait... you're saying that we're destroying the universe just because we're burning a little extra fuel? Just because we're building our damn dams?"

Eunyong shook her head. "The universe will sustain itself," she replied. "The question is how nature will restore the equilibrium. I will teach you the ways of restoring balance to the world."

"That seems like a very stupid thing to do..." Hakrim said, now only thinking about how he would get back to finish harvesting his rice.

"You will have your days to bring rice. For now, you must learn."

"Alright... learn what?"

"How to fly."

With that, Eunyong slipped Hakrim off her belly and let him fall. While he knew that he was particularly high up, he wasn't quite aware of the great distance until he had the opportunity to look down at the very small earth. Forests and hills merged with one another. And everything seemed to be growing so slowly yet so quickly as well. There was a certain beauty to falling down, despite the loud roar of the wind rushing past his head. And the only he could think was what would happen if he hit the ground. With that on his mind, he screamed.

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/Companies/MBC.png

Multi-Variable Han Football 101

MALNIRA - Sometimes when we win big, we also lose big. If we all remember from this time last year, we were playing some random n00b and managed to draw against them. A few matches later, we lost against girls (based on some SLANI calls too). Then we went on to steal away one of the best records in qualifying for WC45. And now we're stuck with a relatively potent team (Jeru FC have reached the World Cup, I remind you), and slam a very good win against them at home. Translation - qualifying is going to suck horribly. Especially with so many no-brainers losers; we're definitely going to struggle.

Go ahead - laugh. I know I did. But it's a perennial fact. We might win every single game, but we'll win them by just so. And just so will mean that the Han will be too tired and ill-prepared to do anything in the World Cup. In fact, I'm unquestioningly assert that the Han won't make it out of the Group Stage. The last time that Ad'ihan hosted the World Cup, we failed to reach the Second Round (nevermind that that was while we played on home ground). But before I get to carried away with that sort of thought - qualification isn't guaranteed at this point, especially with the sort of troubles that we're going to face - we have to recognize our greatest weakness.

No one gives a damn. At least about the Han. Everyone hates us. I used to think that it was Ioshido Toki; I still think he's an old fossil, but he's actually not even half the problem. You wonder why the Han supporters get caught up in so many riots? It's because everyone else hates us! Nevermind the fact that our supporters are excessively passionate about our team, so much so that they may threaten the national security of some foreign countries with their rowdy demonstrations; they all hate us, and it's been a grand conspiracy ever since we won the BoF all of those years ago. It's one of the reasons why we're perennial almost. And for many more times than is usual for other teams, the Han team gets caught up with officiating crews that are SLANI (literally and figuratively... depending upon who's hosting). And then there's the hostile crowd of anti-Han supporters. You can see them at every other World Cup (almost always on the aphelion of those SLANI refs). Sure, the Jeruselemites might be on the receiving end of their own fair share of hatred, particularly the hegemonic matriarchy: they've been pelted with pistachios, beer cans, ducks (I might be confusing this with someone else), and even bullets (courtesy some wacko last cup). But comparing the amount of hatred that they get, at least they get attention. Everyone acknowledges Jeruselem. Almost no one acknowledges the Han, except in brief instances as if we're rabid dogs to be feared only confronted under dire circumstances. Does anyone remember what happened when the Daeweongun died last year? The Imperial Censors hardly had any work for them, because no one even knew that it had happened until three weeks afterward. The moment some crazy psycho shoots this whore, everyone starts to pay attention.

Sure, we're crazy, but then again, so is everyone else. Madness is the brink between cultures. So we do eat dogs, but when we look at these appalling billboards celebrating a woman's sexuality as it is the only export available within a country, we get a little annoyed. Those advertisements for politicians that say "he/she can get it done" - we never hear what they can do. And then they always complain about their government because it's so ineffectual. And they seem to blame us for their own ignorance. Nevermind that we do the exact same thing occasionally... at least we don't foreigners in general (terrorists don't qualify as foreigners or as human). Yes, in the society that will in any instant cook up something just to see what it tastes like and cuddle something extremely strange or dangerous just to pass off some affection for our world, we do find the rest of the world appalling and strange. Doesn't mean we hate you either (okay, doesn't mean that all of us hate you). So, when we do go out, I can hope that the Han will fare at least the courtesy of receptive crowds, as opposed to those harsh placards reminding us that we can have free buffet at Jerry's after the match.

In the meantime, the Han will still manage to struggle against those random n00bs for some reason. Hopefully, we'll figure out why before it happens.

Goal Scorers
2 - Jeong Jihun
1 - Kim Mihyeon, Baek Jihun

Six months ago, at the CCFM President Office:

(someone knocks at the door)

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Excuse me, I am working. Please talk with my secretary."

RENATA (the secretary) - "Mr. Urubupungá, there are some men in black here wanting to talk to you, they say they work for the government... I think they're from the police!"

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Police? - (to himself) - Can it be? No, I did everything I could to not leave any trace... it must be another thing... - (to Renata) - let them come in."

RENATA - "Surely, boss. You can come in."

(the door opens. Three men in black enter the room)

AGENT CAPIAU - "Mr. Urubupungá, we need to talk to you."

URUBUPUNGÁ - "About what?"

AGENT UMUARUÇU - "We think you know exactly about what we are talking about..."

AGENT JOSÉ - "We have discovered your illegal business... announcing transfers as if you have paid nearly twice the price you actually spent..."

URUBUPUNGÁ - "What? I don't know what you are talking about! I swear!"

AGENT CAPIAU - "We have evidence. Too bad, don't you think? There'll be a trial, don't worry, although your situation is pretty bad..."

AGENT UMUARUÇU - "You must leave this office immediately. You cannot leave this country... and you should hire a lawyer!"

URUBUPUNGÁ - "But how... how did you..."

AGENT JOSÉ - "Explanations will come during the trial. Now, leave this office. Baron Boshcke will take your position in the CCFM."


(Present. Urubupungá's house)

MS. URUBUPUNGÁ - "My dear, it is time to go."

URUBUPUNGÁ - "I know. Time to face the trial, but I hope I can escape this... I never thought they would catch me."

MS. URUBUPUNGÁ - "I'll be at your side."

BARON BOSCHKE - (from outside) "Mr. Urubupungá, the court awaits. You don't want to make them wait for their criminal, do you?"

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Will it take long?"

BARON BOSCHKE - "Well, my unfortunate friend... it'll take months! It'll be one of the biggest trials ever of Cafundéu!"

Golden-Whites Stumble at Home

Fedala—Although it was an impossible victory, the 1–2 loss to Yafor hits harder than one would have assumed earlier. The vigorous attacks established and carried out by the offensive sector of the Imperials' squad and the tenacious defending committed to by the three defenders and the single defensive midfielder gave the impression that perhaps the Imperials could have won the game, or at the very least established a draw. Instead, the Yaforite national team was able to get away with an early victory against the Macabees, scoring two goals in the first half. Despite a second-half goal on part of the Macabee team, the comeback was simply not in the cards. At the end of the day, Yafor took the reins of Group 10, and is unlikely of letting go. However, the first match day did garner other surprises. All in all, promotion does not seem completely untenable at this point in time (although, still extremely unlikely).

The first half did not start well, with the Yaforite squad establishing dominance early in the game. Although the Macabee team was able to put off the first goal for quite some time, they were seemingly incapable of mounting a credible threat to Yafor's goal. The visitor's first goal was not long in coming. In the twenty-third minute, the Yaforite striker controlled a long pass very well, broke away from two defenders and slammed the ball into the back of Lars Kíendar's net, creating the 1–0. The 2–0 came that same half. A long shot from outside the area got passed the Macabee keeper, entering the goal on the top left corner. This left the Golden-Whites two goals down at the start of the second-half, and it did not seem as if things were going to get better. In fact, it seemed as if this would simply be another embarrassing defeat (as first expected).

The Macabee team had begun the game with the expected 3–5–2 formation. Specifically, the defense was composed of Tern Fedal, Filep Fernán and Nantes Resien (the usual starting three defenders). The five midfielders were comprised of a single defending midfielder, who was Dertish Malfor, and four other midfielders—Terj Mitoraj, Santi Vervánt, Joán Zeneti and Ses Dermán. Mika d'Angíel and Shost Glen were the two spearheads of the team. At the start of the second half Shost Glen was taken off the top and was replaced by central defender Sergi Gut, to change to a 4–5–1. The differences were notable, as Yafor had less holes to take advantage of and the Macabee defense was much more integrated. In fact, the Yaforite team established very few opportunities to score during the second half, as opposed to the Macabee's surprise awakening.

The pinnacle of the second half came about in the sixty-fourth minute, where Mika d'Angíel—as expected—scored the 1–2. The goal came about through intricate footwork by the team's midfield. Joán Zeneti began the counterattack, changing the orientation of the game to the right wing by a long pass to Ses Dermán. Ses Dermán was able to dribble it down the right wing and center the ball in the area. Mika d'Angíel controlled with the chest, and shifted to the left, while passing the ball to Terj Mitoraj. The "guru" then controlled the ball, dribbled and passed it back to Mika, after the striker had gotten behind the goalkeeper. The goal was a masterpiece, and it showed the team's potential for talent. In fact, many were expecting an equalizer. Some hopefuls were even looking forward to three goals, and an early win.

But, these never returned. Excellent defending and goalkeeping on Yafor's part, as always, frustrated the attackers time and time again. Ultimately, Yafor's team's style preferences paid off, as they walked out of Fedala with a 1–2 victory behind them. The Macabee National Team go another game without winning, and now they are three points behind Yafor 2. Banten States and The McLaughlin Islands. They will hopefully make up points in their home game against Newmanistan.

Newmanistan was the shocker of the evening. Their team was defeated 0–1, at home, by an "unknown" team. Well, now everyone knows who they are! This have given some hope to the fans, who are looking forward to the day's match against Newmanistan. A victory against Newmanistan would keep the three point gap between Yafor, or at least impede it from growing larger, and would also put the team at a good vantage point against their opponents (who were categorized as the second most likely to win their passage to the finals, after Yafor). A win would also put the team in a good position when they traveled to meet the other three teams in the group. Ideally, four out four wins in the next four games would be the best run of events, but with things turning out how they are this seems unlikely to everyone. Pessimism is the new trend in the Second Empire. Only a victory could raise morale, and morale is going to have to soar in order to allow the team to achieve promotion to the finals.

It should be noted that it's likely that the team will follow up on the "successful" 4–5–1 formation used today. D'Angíel will likely form the striking tip of the lance, while the other players are likely to stay the same. With little room for failure, no second-string players are likely to start any of the upcoming matches. Nevertheless, some players are continuously rotating, and players like d'Angíel, who will play every game, tend to be substituted early in the second-half (to allow the player to rest). However, this is an important chance of formation, since it subtracts from the offensive edge enjoyed by the team to a much more defensive strategy. Nevertheless, with a lacking defense, this seemed like what was most in order. Hopefully, the new formation will pay off tomorrow. A victory is vital to set good sensations during these qualifiers, as the Macabee people are itching for some progress and good news.

Griffinville Gazette

The World Cup has offically gone to the dogs, as the Prux Canines, a team of dogs; real ones, not anime ones or robotic ones nor human-like ones; defeated Nong Nang Ning 1-0 earlier today at Griffin Stadium here in Griffinville. The lone goal came after 86 minutes of scoreless play, when Frank, a 3 yr old Collie, nudged home the winner after the goalkeeper for NNN, a Pinging Tree, was distracted by having Spot, a 5 yr old Rottweiler, take a bathroom break upon it.

Up next for the team is Lecland, also right here in Griffinville. So far a good start for the Canines, but will a World Cup berth be forthcoming? or will this team have to be put to sleep in the CoH?

Akbarabad begin World Cup Campaign with a draw.

(Akbarabad press, AP): The Akbarabad national team started their world cup qualifying campaign with an away draw against Norwellia. Altough, not exactly the most ideal result, a draw is not all that bad considering it was playedaway. Nevertheless, the team should have ideally put the game away and not allow Norwellia to come back after taking the lead twice.
Norwellia (2) - (2) Akbarabad
Alain Vermeeren Samin Akbar, Zahid Mohammed
50'.82' 42' 71'
MD1: 2-2 @ Norwellia
MD2: vs Panuul @ Akbarabad National Stadium
MD3: @ Cafundéu
MD4: vs Kosovoe @ Akbarabad National Stadium
MD5: @ Phillips Island
MD6: vs Norwellia @ Akbarabad National Stadium
MD7: @ Panuul
MD8: vs Cafundéu @ Akbarabad National Stadium
MD9: @ Kosovoe
MD10: vs Phillips Island @ Akbarabad National Stadium

Scott Davis assembled his staff in his office. Normally, they went home once his evening news segment was taped, though sometimes they would go out for drinks. They figured that is what this was all about.

“The Water Works is having 2-for-1 specials tonight, let’s all meet up there. Hey Sarah, why don’t you come with us. Who’s your friend? (referring to Shaina)” Said staff member John Valente.

“Shaina, Shaina Lucas.” Replied Shaina. “Nice to meet you Shaina, come down to the Water Works with us, so we can get to know you better. Sarah’s gonna go, right? (Sarah nods),” answered Valente.

Davis broke up the conversation. “Everyone sit down and catch your breath. We have stumbled upon a major news story. A story not yet known to the public and a story that will rock the Empire for sure.” Davis commented as his staff members curiously looked at him, wondering just how big this would be, after all in the past Davis did have a history of exaggerating. “Everyone knows who Jeremy McAllister is, right?” The staff nods, “It turns out that Miss Lucas here, who is a housekeeper where the Rockets stayed for the Charity Cup found some very interesting and incriminating information that McAllister left behind in his hotel room. Shaina, why don’t you get up here and tell everyone what it is you discovered.”

“Well like he said I was cleaning Jeremy’s room and he had a stack of papers that I was throwing out and trying to find out if it was important or not, and I noticed this. It’s information about avoiding the detection of Human Groth Hormone in your system on drug tests. It has some number of a doctor on the cover.” Shaina said in a very nervous manner. The staff got silent, trying to comprehend the significance of what this could mean.. Shaina gave the pamphlet to one of them and they passed it around to see for themselves.

Scott Davis stood back up, “I Newoogled the doctor’s name, Richard Holmes, and he is a personal trainer based in Southport. He runs a laboratory just three miles away from the University. It goes by the name of SAPCO, Southport Area Physicians’ Cooperative.”

“That good,” said Kevin Butler, a second staff member, “because as big as this is, we will need more to incriminate him. Anyone could have that kind of pamphlet for any kind of reason, and that’s going to be the first thing people say. This is only the tip of the iceberg here. Not until we get more information, do we go public with this story. We also want to see if there are anymore names associated with this scandal. I will get on top of that immediately.”

“It would make sense,” replied staff member Vinnie Austin, “let us not forget that Southport and Putnam Lake, where he played, are only 30 miles apart. Jeremy would have had very easy access to SAPCO and it’s products. As Kevin said, we must investigate deep into this. There’s got to be more names. It must be a big bust. Shaina, you didn’t tell the police, right?”

“No.” Shaina answered. “Good,” replied Austin, “We must keep this from them. Could you do us a favor, Shaina?”

“What?” she replied. “We are pretty well known, even to people in Southport. They won’t recognize you. I need you to go to SAPCO, and pretend to be a local athlete or something, a distance runner, no one cares about them when there’s not a marathon. Go there and pretend to be a distance runner and that you are looking for ways to take a couple minutes off your time.” Austin asked.

Scott Davis added, “Exactly tell them that you average some time that’s like five minutes off a minimum for qualifying for an event and that you are looking for advice on how to make that up. They will probably discuss other options, but don’t quit until HGH or steroids come up, because I’m sure they will. This man looks like a professional in prescribing this stuff. You will be wired, and we will record everything from outside that he says.”

“I cant. I have to work. I don’t have the money to go to Southport.” She replied.

Davis walked over to his desk and pulled out his checkbook. “Now you do. That will cover your lost wages too.”

“Scott, can I ask you a favor?”

“Yes, Shaina.”

“My boyfriend is in jail with 200,000 GC bail because he got arrested for shooting a gun in public. The reason I came forward with this and didn’t throw that stuff out is because I wanted to bail him out. Will there be money in this for me to do so?”

“I wish I got paid like that for breaking stories. There’s very little reward we get from it other then trying to use it to get a more prestigious job. Maybe I can try to help but I think you can do better then someone who’s firing a gun in public. And, 200,000? For shooting a gun in public? Not that I condone that, but if no one got hurt that seems a little excessive. If this wasn’t the Centralia PD, I’d be wondering if there is more.” Davis replied.

Sarah, the receptionist chimed in, “Yeah, let’s go to the Water Works, and may be we can meet some better men. Not that our present company is anything bad.”

“But, I, I…”

Davis interjected again, “Do what we need in Southport, and I’ll see if I can bribe, I mean talk, the police department into freeing your boyfriend even though I agree with Sarah. You seem like a bright lady. You can do better then someone like that. I probably could talk them into it with all the dirt I have on them.”

The group headed to the bar to try and the men got together to try and plan out how they would go about to do this while the women went out on the dance floor. Jeremy McAllister is a Newmanistan icon in the World Cup, and since this our seventh qualifying effort, he will become officially eligible to join the World Cup Hall of Fame. With 134 goals in 180 caps, he would seem to be a lock to be that player that the Rockets would enter, until all this gets out. Maybe now someone like Jeremy Brooker gets that nod. It would have to be done carefully, because even though Davis and crew had the reputation of being hard-hitting investigative reporters, they can’t let this be seen as people from Centralia trying to ruffle the feathers of an Eagle from Putnam Lake. They also discussed what their focus should be. Should this be about Jeremy McAllister, or should it turn more into an investigation of SAPCO and Doctor Richard Holmes?

"You're doing it all wrong!"

Those were the last words that Nimlaniel Telthandren wanted to hear right now. She had had a horrible day at the post office, where a handful of foreigners refused to acknowledge the advice she was giving them on how best to set up their physical address in their new residence, and the last thing she needed when she got home was her child to critique her work on the broken computer they had.

"If you're not going to say something constructive Hothion, then please remain quiet as I try to fix this problem. I have other things that need my attention, but I am taking my time to fix the computer for you. So if you would please refrain from negative critiques, it would be very much appreciated and might even speed up the the rate at which I attempt to repair the machine."

The young boy sighed and slumped to the floor. He could only be but seven, maybe eight years old at the most by his looks, and was not showing the usual patience that many of his peers were now showing at the age. His short, silver hair spiked out from his head and his deep green eyes showed a depth to his spirit, but something was not connecting, as he demonstrated more human qualities in the mental capacities than those of his elven kin. It worried Nimlaniel somewhat that her child was not developing along the normal path of his species, but she had faith that given enough time and encouragement, that things would work out for him. To be perfectly honest, more and more of her kin were showing more signs of not having that grace and patience that many of the outside elves were renowned for. She didn't have the time to contemplate the causation of this despite her desires to, as there was always work to be done to keep Valanora and her family running.

"There we go, I think I solved the problem!"

The light flashed on and the parts inside the machine whirred to life as she pressed the power button the CPU. A short lived grin gave her a moment of happiness and appreciation for a job well done, and allowed her to hear her husband walk in from the back door, grumbling about how the national team had barely scraped a victory against a "no name side" in their opening qualifying match.

Never could keep his mind off football for long now could he? Oh well, he's just like most of the nation in that regard, I just wish he would acknowledge the world outside the sport and his work. Could be worse though, he could not care at all about the two of us.

"Don't you worry dear, I'm sure it's just a momentary slip in their stroll to another title. Now why don't you come in here and let's discuss what to have for dinner..."

We break now for these messages, which we can't see, and certainly don't endorse.

we now return to regularly scheduled programming

Northbrae, Achtervolging - Herbert Brady scored an 89th minute goal off a deflected cross to propel Jasīʼyūn to a 4-3 victory over Achtervolging on matchday one at Gordon Road in Achtervolging.

The Lions were responsible for the first score of the game but not in the manner they would have liked. In the 10th minute, miscommunication between goalkeeper Edwin Nelisse and defender Baart Plet caused Plet to kick it into his own goal, giving Jasīʼyūn a 1-0 lead.

The own goal did not destroy the Lion's morale, however, and they recovered with a pair of goals to take a lead of their own. Lasse Elestadt got Achtervolging on the board in the 14th minute, heading a perfectly-struck cross from Bradley Sheron into the bottom-left corner of the net to pull even at 1-1. Continued pressure from the Lions culminated with a 23rd minute goal from Nelson Fielding on a shot from just outside of the box, giving Achtervolging a 2-1 advantage.

Jasīʼyūn regained control of the pitch following the Fielding goal, however, and made sure they did not enter the second half down a goal. Christian Rau's 32nd-minute cross found the head of an unmarked Petra Brammer, who beat Nelisse to tie the game at 2-2 heading into the halftime interval.

The second half saw the scoring faucet get shut off until the 75th minute, when Jasīʼyūn regained the lead on a highly controversial goal. An Jasīʼyūn cross went uncleared, causing Nelisse to come off his line in an attempt to corral the ball. But as the Achtervolganian keeper wrapped his arms around the ball, he was head-butted in the face by Jasīʼyūn's Wilhelm Heinz, causing the ball to bounce away. The referee chose not to call the blatant foul, and with Nelisse on the ground in pain Jasīʼyūn's Murray scored on the open goal for his second to give Jasīʼyūn a 3-2 lead.

The deficit did not discourage the Lions, though, and Bradley Sheron tied the game again in the most spectacular fashion possible. In the 85th minute Fielding headed the ball to Sheron, who executed a perfect bicycle kick and drilled the ball into the goal, evening the score at 3 apiece.

But Jasīʼyūn would have the last word. Herbert Brady capitalised on a missed clearance to score a goal of his own just a minute before the full time whistle. The goal made the score 4-3 and gave Jasīʼyūn the the victory.

Jasīʼyūn was badly outchanced by Achtervolging, 25-11, but was efficient enough to earn the victory. Nelisse stopped five of the nine attempts Jasīʼyūn put on goal.

Achtervolganian manager Fredrik Anjema was incensed at Jasīʼyūn's third goal. "It was blatant. Horrible. Even the Jasīʼyūni-ite players were looking to the referee for the foul." He would later add he was proud of his players for not chasing the referee down the pitch afterwards. "They showed true professionalism, and to hold a squad ranked 16th in NationStates to a one goal victory, while scoring 3 of our own, I think it shows we're on the right path."

The Lions returns to the pitch Saturday for for the first of two away matched versus Urna Eletrônica and then Pasarga, respectively.

In what was possibly the most exciting thing to happen in Houghton since the Octagon Shopping Centre burned down, West Zirconia started their World Cup Qualifying campaign in style with a 4-0 drubbing of Carpathia and Ruthenia.

It only took two minutes for the home team to start the scoring, with a corner reaching the eagerly waiting head of Martin Forster. One would expect a team falling behind so early to redouble its efforts in an attempt to regain parity, but the visitors just lost the plot. Forster added a second after a further ten minutes, while a rather bleary-looking Ed French should have put away two free-kicks that would normally have been his trademark.

French was substituted at half-time, being replaced by Andy Scott. The change galvanised the West Zirconian team, and the away goal was the subject of some serious attention. To be fair, their goalkeeper was on top form, but even the best at their best can be beaten, and Anthony McGowan, looking much more skilful for his time in Dancougar, finally broke through after half an hour.

The fourth should never have been allowed to happen. A Carpathian defender hacked down Steve Griffiths (who had replaced Alun Lydiate) in the penalty area, and then, while making diving mimes at the referee, then proceeded to attack the official. The police were quick to deal with the incident, but it still left a bitter taste in the mouths of players and spectators alike. When the game finally resumed, Ben Phillips converted the resulting penalty, and it was 4-0, which it remained at the end of the game.

It just did not need to end like that. It took the gloss off an otherwise impeccable performance by a West Zirconia team hoping against hope that this will be their chance to shine.

West Zirconia: Gray, Phillips (c), Fox, Munro, Paterson (Watson 81), Hawthorne, Williams, French (Scott 45), McGowan, Forster, Lydiate (Griffiths 52).

Goals: Forster (2, 12), McGowan (75), Phillips (80 pen).

Next up is a trip to Lovisa. The only good thing about this fixture is that there's only one of it.

----------

In other news, coach Roy Hazell has been censured after remarks about the selection of the Cassadagan team for the friendly with West Zirconia. The usually all-female team selected their first-ever male player, Matthew Webb, for the match.

West Zirconia-Cassadaigua games have been noted for their, er, friendliness, but Hazell saw Webb's introduction against his side as provocation.

"They know that the only reason they're so good is that all those lovely female bodies on the pitch put their excitable male opponents off their stride. They also know that the only reason we do well against them is because Ben Phillips - being, you know, the way he is - is totally untouched by all this lust. So what do they do - bring on some Adonis who might not be able to play much, but who's good-looking enough to put Ben off. I'd like to see if he gets a game against anyone else."

Hazell's remarks may be seen to be justified, as Cassadaigua beat West Zirconia 6-0, but some remarks are best not made. This, many in the footballing fraternity feel, was one of them.

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sport>Football>Football Shorts

C&M give neighbours solid day one thumping Elgin Dannat’s Big Blues put their pre-qualifying woes behind them to begin their campaign to retain the World Cup title with a comfortable victory at newcomers Pasarga.

Though keen to stress that the fixture was ‘just another game’, Dannat may well have had private concerns over the visitors’ opponents; the match representing an historic occasion for Pasarga as the Stade de Torgos debuted internationally at home to the reigning world champions and their regional rivals, but C&M ultimately proved nothing if not professional and simply too good for the Wanderers.

The home side by no means rolled over, and the first half proved a relatively frustrating one for Dannat’s men as they struggled to break down the hosts – Zoárd Szathmári doing his personal bid for regular KT Hotspur starts no harm at all with a very solid display in the heart of the defence, holding off Abdul Ibadulla on several occasions during the first period. Joel Sbaïz was even forced into a double save from Ausilio Calabrese inside ten minutes and, for a time, C&M’s status as highly unlikely world champions appeared nothing if not well-earned.

Pasarga proved masters of their own undoing as the half hour approached; Zsuzsi Széll, the female Paulinthal centre-half, failing to clear from Gwynfardd Lopulalan’s speculative punt forward and diverting only into Aaron Kortsarian’s path, and the Cafundó do Juta star would seemingly wrap things up early into the second half as he took hold of a Ben Zec through-ball and lifted the ball superbly over the ‘keeper Moricz Vincz to complete his brace.

C&M would eventually put a far from warranted gloss on the scoreline, with Ibadulla pouncing on a poor Vincz clearance to add to Niv Cohen’s earlier free-kick for four, though the fifth was nothing if not welcome – a second international goal from Diego Fernando Pappas, and one of real class, with fellow substitute Macario Oliveira Tavares ploughing forward down the left and releasing a pin-point cross into space for his fellow MarquezOW winger to side home.

Dannat was as quick to heap praise on his supersub pairing as he was to admit to a certain rustiness among the starting XI, while Pasarga’s late consolation goal from Aba Forgáts will raise concerns over the post-Enrique pairing at the back. On matchday one’s evidence Achtervolging should be a genuine test, despite their home defeat to Jaseuyeon and understandably wonky fixture list, but Dannat’s side have still shown flickers of their talent since Columbia and should not be unduly tested by the visit of the Lions to Arrigo.

World Cup 46 Qualifying, Matchday One
@ Stade de Torgos, Torgos, Pasarga

Pasarga 1
Forgáts 81

Candelaria And Marquez 5
Kortsarian 28 and 49
Cohen 61
Ibadulla 66
Pappas 77


Orange-Blues return with solid victory With Jaseuyeon taking a hard-fought victory in Achtervolging, C&M’s major challengers for qualification may yet come from the second-lowest ranked nation in Group 9 with a newly reunified Rejistania disposing of third seeds Urna Electrônica.

Elsewhere in qualifying; Nethertopia, the third of the Rushmori teams involved in the fifteen groups, were heavily beaten by the Holy Monastic Republic, prompting fears for coach Sjors Opdenheuvel’s immediate future; while Kura-Pelland top Group 4 after storming to a seven-nil drubbing of Lecland. CandelariaAM’s Kim Mihyeon was on target for the Han Empire in a four-one victory over Jeru FC; while there were notable upset victories for the Banten States at cursed Newmanistan and Qutar over Milchama. Liventia’s hopes of travelling to their neighbours next year were dealt a blow, after they were held to a goalless draw by debutants Silexhera – with Caires City’s Colin Marshall ruled again through his persistent knee problems and set to miss the weekend’s clash with MN Smith.

CAMAFA pencil in WZ fixture thecamafa.cam today confirmed the addition of a mid-qualifying friendly to the Big Blues’ calendar, with the return of the regular meeting with West Zirconia. The tie gives Arrigo a second match during the qualifying cycle and, according to a quote from Elgin Dannat, ‘provides an excellent opportunity to test ourselves against very valid opposition’.

West Zirconia lost their pre-qualifying friendly against Cassadaigua six-nil.

With a meeting in Taeshan expected in post-qualifying, CAMAFA policy would appear to have returned to one of maintaining traditional fixtures over encouraging new opponents, though Bower Street insiders claim that the national football association plans to float the idea of a multinational friendly Rushmori Cup, to run simultaneously with World Cup 47 qualifying, in the near future.

Nr Onwere cops to investigate Vélez graffiti The Nr Onwere constabulary has confirmed this morning that an investigation into last night’s attack on the family home of Carmen Vélez is underway, after graffiti was daubed across the front door and a wheelie bin was turned on its side.

Local residents, who claim that such an incident has been unknown in their village of Calamocha, say that Sra Vélez has been left ‘extremely shaken but in high spirits’ by the midnight vandalism, in which bottles were also thrown at her bedroom window. Police believe that the perpetrators, a small group of masked youths, were scared off by the unrelated presence of a police helicopter overhead.

While police are refusing to speculate on any origins for the unprecedented episode, soccer experts have claimed that a link to Sra Vélez’s sons – former C&M internationals Ignacio and Rául – is entirely probable. Though raised in the village, neither player has lived at home for well over a decade, but the elder striker’s recent link-up with the Cafundelense national team is widely believed to have gone down badly in the village itself, with Calamocha’s major claim to fame being its noteworthy effort in producing Marquez-Onwere stars and C&M internationals.

Armbands for weekend Naranja Marquez-Onwere will don black armbands on Saturday for their visit to Albrecht FC, according to the club’s official website, despite a firm rebuttal from spokesman Jamie Johansson that the naranja were in mourning for owner Sam Wendell.

“While Mr Wendell, peacebeuponhim, remains officially listed as ‘missing’ rather than ‘deceased’, we’ll be continuing to hold out all hope for his safe return to the boardroom,” Johansson told a news conference Friday morning, while also confirming that the automobile tycoon’s Marquezian-born nephew Ricardo Wendell is expected to watch the weekend’s match from the director’s box at the invitation of Scorpions chairman Pak Manshik. Johansson added however that this, “in no way [represents] a precursor to him taking control of the club. We’ve all seen the… um… leftovers, of Mr Wendell’s Mignon mansion, and it doesn’t look especially rosy, but we have the fullest confidence that he’ll be found alive and well before too long, pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.”

The CMSC have confirmed that minute’s silences will be held before all CMSC1 and CMSC2 matches over the weekend, but that Tenderville United’s meeting with CandelariaAM and NAPPC’s second division fixture at Deportivo María will not be postponed. The latter’s rearranged home match with Abiodun North will now take place in mid-week.

Fifth round draw sets up Marbles/Spur, Nethertopian derby This lunchtime’s unveiling of last thirty-two draw for the CMS Cup sees recent winners El din Marbles and KT Hotspur face each other at the Marble Ground next month as the plum tie of the round, with most of the other big guns granted relatively painlessly routes through to the last sixteen. Reigning champions Albrecht FC tackle semi-pro Estrellas Brilliantes at home, and it’s a similar story for the other major league title challengers with Turkish draw up against CMSC2 strugglers Club Marquez and Green Island hosting the winners of the Miranda FC vs Mayo Valley replay.

Hanlon Warbirds, after ousting Abiodun North in the previous round, are rewarded with a home tie against MN Smith, while Onwere University host Caires City. In the wake of too many appetizing clashes however, attention may instead fall on the last tie out of the hat, with Tenderville Utd hosting CMSC2 counterparts NAPPC.

Gil discussions ‘not out of the question’ El din Marbles chairman Keith Last has refused to quash speculation linking the club with a foreign takeover, following reports in yesterday’s Daily Gazette claiming that preliminary talks with Sargossan meat magnate David Gil were at ‘an advanced stage’.

Last however was quick to stress that no agreement was close to made, either publicly or privately. “It is certainly true that Señor Gil has contacted us, we believe that his offer is genuine and we’re taking it extremely seriously,” Last told TV1. “For the Marbles to be able to compete in the modern era, it’s clear that we require financial input, but I really want to this opportunity to make it equally clear that the board are not about to rush headlong into any kind of agreement without thoroughly researching every angle of this and, most importantly, engaging with a full and frank dialogue with our supporters. It hardly needs to be said that the Marbles are simply so much more than just a football team, and the last thing I want is to risk jeopardising that.”

Supporters’ groups have greeted the news cautiously, but at least one CMSC analyst has moved to dampen speculation by claiming that a similar move for Radyukevich CSC from Gil’s countryman Carlos Bonilla stalled, seemingly terminally, earlier in the year. Any takeover of the Marbles, however, would make the club the fourth foreign-owned side in the top-flight, aside from Tenderville Utd.

A slightly stale baguette, cigarettes, a packet of biscuits (bourbons, if you’re really interested), a couple of cartons of milk… it was meagre fair, but at least – for now – the threatened food blockage of Kolani-controlled Gordon Bay City was yet to kick into gear. Fresh fruits and veg was hard to come by, but the Candelariasian authorities over the border were still passing across shipments, and the government of the new microstate were accepting them contentedly enough. Who knew what They ate. Or how, for that matter. Certainly, a theory doing the rounds had Them pouring essential nutrients into a hole in Their back.

But no-one really knew anything, that was the point. Tony had always felt that the Candelariasian government’s – nay, the Candelariasian people’s stance on the existence of non-human sentient lifeforms had been utterly wrong-headed, at least as far as the kids were concerned. That was what they were there for, after all. Faeries and goblins and bogeymen and monsters, evil beings in dark forests… in any proper society children were fed that sort of thing from birth. Small humans need to be scared, they need to know that venturing out into the countryside on their own is an aim fraught with danger at every turn. So you terrify them with monsters, that’s what normal human adults do, until eventually their innermost suspicions are confirmed and they can dismiss the whole silly business.

But then stupid modernity came along, Tony felt, and decided that the best way to terrify children was by introducing them to the concepts of paedophiles and rapists and murderers and terrorists, before they’ve even learnt to walk. And the sinister, twisted and – most importantly – utterly imaginary monsters transformed into fluffy Easter bunnies and jolly fat Papá Noel, and now no Candelariasian child feared monsters anymore, and lived in gibbering dread of their fellow human beings instead. Somewhere along the line, Tony felt, western civilization had got it all very, very wrong indeed.

The flaw in his admittedly somewhat slapdash theory, he was forced to admit, was that the monsters had turned out to be very real indeed and, in some cases, living in respectable homesteads in suburban Albrecht.

So the faeries claimed, anyway, the Queen being keen to stress during regular addresses of that part of GBC’s human populace not still stuck perpetually indoors that the lying, conniving Candelariasian government were the enemy, not the Kolan. Tony didn’t buy it. Gnomes, elves, hobgoblins, aliens… faeries. You could keep ‘em. If the invaders themselves seemed convinced of their own distinct specieshood, then they were all as mad as box of frogs, or else lying through their teeth. God only knew why, mind you – but, in the final reckoning, there were nowt as queer as folk, and that was that.

Not… fair folk, you understand. Just folk. People in general. Which is what the fa… the Kolan were. Just people. Human people. Seriously deluded human people, who occasionally did things, mental things, that were… odd. But just people. Yeah.

Evil people, at that. Invaders, occupiers, oppressors. People who should be confronted at every turn. A rebellion was in order, that was clear. The time for do-or-die was nigh.

It could probably wait ‘till after tea though, Tony felt. Freedom and democracy were all very well and good, but French sticks didn’t keep forever.

Ambling back towards the compound, Tony paused. He could hear voices, of a distinctly Couriery font, but for once there didn’t appear to be any Kolani patrols marching down the street to harry humans back to their houses before curfew. They were coming, he realised, from an open window across the street. He crabbed a few steps across the road.

“Applaud them!”

“No!”

“Applaud them, I say!”

“And I say I shall not! They have brought embarrassment upon our people, every one! We should have their toes removed.”

“I concur. Their failures shame us, Makua.”

“ENOUGH!”

“We shall decide when we have had enough, peasant! Do not presume that your education gives you any right to raise your voice in our presence!”

“While I mean no offence, of course, I must merely warn you that your attitude is one of which the Queen would not approve. And nor, might I add, her brother.”

“Aino is not here. And he, Mister Puao, is but a contributing factor in this shameful display.”

“Your patriotism commends you, Makua, but yo–”

“The integrity of our very species is in question, teacher!”

“If I might be so bold…? It is merely my opinion, and that of the Queen, and that of her brother, that the expectations for the national football teams be… adjusted, somewhat. We cannot expect them to win every game… Statistically, that is the deepest improbability, particularly with our limited experience of the international sporting scene…”

“I was under the impression, Puao, that that is what the manthing Mark Baker was for. The benefit of his experience? Either he has failed to stay faithful to his duties, or the players have. Either way, they are a disgrace…”

“A draw in Jeruselem is to be valued, my lords. That is the prevailing attitude of those who matter.”

“You so DARE to sugges–”

“Jesus Christ, man, I –”

Tony took a step back at a sliding of swords being unsheathed. Or chairs scraping back over the floorboards, possibly. Either way, the immediate future of the one called Puao appeared in doubt. The Candelariasian edged further across the tarmac.

“A figure of speech, a figure of speech… Brethren, I merely ask you to show patience. As the humans say, Rome was not built in a day. I have every faith in the ability of Lord Aino and his squad to qualify for the World Cup with ease. Any other result would, as you correctly observe, pour shame on our species and people. But… We are all adjusting to life on the mortal plane. And without the Elders…”

“Without them what?”

“I merely suggest that we should show patience with each other whilst our new society develops. And that includes the national football team…”

One gave a sigh. “I hope for your sake you are correct. Myself, I could care little for their antics, in the City or across the seas. And while they persist in… defending…”

“It is a valid tactic in the human realm, Lord. Even the elves of Valanora and Starblaydi practise it. Some have even been known to foul opponents, and produce overwrought displays of pain.”

“Yes,” one replied coldly. “But we are not elves. But… if Leohi is satisfied, then we must accept her wisdom. The situation where a goalless tie is to be applauded cannot last, however. Even you must see that, Puao. This football team may prove to be a fine form of social control as you suggest, but neither the peasantry nor the humans will be swayed if they continue to perform in this manner…”

“Perhaps. You might be surprised. Humans, in particular, posses an unnerving regard for lost causes…”

Puao paused. Tony heard footsteps, and before he could react the faerie had crossed the floor and pushed his head out of the window.

“You wished for something, Tony Lukaszczyk?”

“I, er… Uh, I dropped me baguette, I…”

The faerie leant out as far as gravity would allow, until their noses almost touched. “Go!” the creature hissed.

The Candelariasian did as he was told, scrabbling to his feet and hurrying down the street. Puao sighed and took his place amongst the collected nobility of Gordon Bay City. He coughed.

“So… sausage on a stick, anyone?”

BAZALOPES PULL IT OFF

After two impressive wins in their friendly encounters, Secristan arrived at the home of the 24th-ranked squad hoping to get themselves a key victory, or at least, a draw. Should Secristan qualify for World Cup 46, this is probably the team that we need to beat out. They know this in Bazalonia as well, so to think that Bazalopes wouldn’t be equally up to the task of defending their home turf would not be realistic. The Millionaires tried to be the aggressive ones in the start of the match, but the defense of Bazalonia had likely paid attention to the way that we had dominated Cafundeu on the road in the friendly, and they responded to our challenges with a lot of composure. They seemed to be waiting for us to make a mistake, and would take advantage of it when it happened. They did this a few times, but found that Brian Carver was still on good form. Carver’s shutout streak officially came to an end after 218 minutes however, after a goal off a free kick make it 1-0 Bazalopes. The score remained that way through halftime, and they would double their advantage in the 58th. At that point, they seemed to want to sit back, but were quickly awakened by our score just two minutes later in which Michael Cardona fired his first shot of the game home. Though that was all the scoring, there was plenty of excitement down the stretch, with each team getting several chances, making it rather remarkable that there was never another goal.

The Secristan Department of Sports reports that purchases for the entire qualifying package, which had to be bought before the start of this match, were up 37% from the same package prior to World Cup 45. Katie Simpson, our SDOS rep, tell us, “Our friendly performance got fans excited and wanting to buy the entire package. Plus, I think a lot of our fans who may have been saving some money to purchase Secristani games in the World Bowl which never came to fruition since we failed to qualify for that, decided to use that money on the World Cup instead. So in a way, we’ve mitigated our losses. We might not qualify, but our fans feel we are going to make a great run for it.” The Millionaires will have their first home game of qualifying against Lemetel Soups. Secristan should win, but we saw some crazy results from matchday one (Newmanistan? Qazox? Milchama?), so you never know. Hopefully the team will be properly prepared and in good form.

Steroga Wins!

We didn’t do well in the Baptism of Fire but that did not mean anything in our first match of qualifying against The McLaughlin Islands. Our team seemed to annoy the McLaughlin people a lot with rough physical play and their fans did not seem to like it much either but this is what we are going to try and do in this World Cup. Coach Patel has promised that we will be very defensive for all of our games. Jaisukh Pattnaik played in the backfield for much of the game as well giving us six defenders for most of it. When we score goals it is mostly going to be as a result of good defensive play and after Chanyaka Motallebzadeh leveled a player named Felix, causing him to hold his knees and cry and pain, Chanyaka played a nice long ball and Avinash Singh made a great play to get the ball and run to the goal and score for us. Felix seemed to be alright after a couple minutes but they were really mad that there was no card on the play.

There's not a lot to speak of at Severnth Common. About 5 separate pitches, a building big enough to hold 8 teams (do the math) and a shower/bathroom that hasn't seen the light of day since the roof was put on 30 years ago, let alone anything near to a cleaning product.

Mind you, the Emperor dropped two-litre bottle of Bosto-Cola in there once while he was spraying it around after FC Geesemonkey of Fort Boston won the league. The liquid went through some of the grime like acid, leaving a sparkly white surface around the “shadow” of grime where the bottle had been lying on the floor spraying liquid as of it's own accord. Most of the team just stared for a bit, before the Emperor returned with five more bottles and it was all forgotten about down the pub shortly after.

The pitches meanwhile, were actually of a half-decent standard. Pitches four and five left a bit to be desired (like grass in the goalmouth and visible lines), but pitch 2, home of FC Geesemonkey of Bostopia (now known as the Bostopian “national team”) was the widest and longest (suiting the wing-back system employed rather well), and aside from the goalposts and the line markings that was about it.

So, the first win for the new Bostopian team wasn't some grandiose affair – the Emperor scored a free kick for goodness sake – surrounded by tens of thousands of screaming fans, but a typical Sunday-league style reaction, bit of a cheer, shake the hand of the other players, take down the nets and grab the corner flags and walk back up the hill to the changing rooms.

Clart, the striker, invited the opposition down the pub (as was tradition), explaining that sandwiches had been put on and there'd be chips and chili con carne and all other sorts of food that went well with beer (or cola, someone had to drive).

Next up was Greal, the league leaders on goal-difference, at their place. It won't be easy, but Sunday league tactics will throw teams off for a bit.

Jeruselem Government News

The King is dead, long live the king ...

King Richard I of Jeruselem died today. He died from long standing heart condition, the same one which killed his father King Henry I of Jeruselem. Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas found him dead on the floor of the kitchen at night after he went for a snack and didn't come back. Crown Prince Henry was not at home, he was on army exercises somewhere in the Jeruselem desert.

Jeruselem World Cup 46 team captain and Royal Spokesperson, Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas spoke for family
"He wasn't well in his latter years. My sister Kate is distraught. The couple have been together since school days and she's lost half of herself. People may not think much of the Crown Prince, but he's a man. He'll be a great leader like his father. He can't comment at the moment since he's somewhere in the damn desert but he knowns he's lost a father. The King wasn't a man who conquered foreign places as a military leader. He kept the peace, that is one of the hardest jobs for a King in history."

The loss of our king impacted the Jeruselemite results today. The Han destroyed Jeru FC 4-1 and Jeruselem had a listless NIL ALL draw with Gordon Bay City at Dazza Dallas Stadium. The King would have been at the game vs Gordon Bay City but Dazza Dallas was sent to represent the royal family at the game excluding Princess Marie who was playing in the game.

In the meantime, Kate Dallas is in charge of the nation until her son comes back from an undisclosed location in Jeruselem. The King leaves behind two sons, the most recent being Prince James who was only born a few years ago.

Qazian Ryan Greenly said about our leader
"He was quietly spoken guys like me. We both did our jobs without much fanfare letting the Dallas girls do the talking. I didn't know him for that long but he earned the respect of the Jeruselemites. He wasn't an overbearing Crusader king of the past nor the weak puppet of vested interests. I think he was sick because he worked too hard and the stress made him age faster. I understand why, running a huge nation is no easy task. He was well supported by his wife despite her obvious faults. I'm no fan of these absolute monarchies being a Qazian but if I needed a great leader to bind a nation together, someone like Richard would be my man."

The Catholic Archbishop of Jeruselem said
"He was quite pious actually despite him marrying a daughter of Jeruselem's superwhore. He knew his wife was far from perfect and could have taken another wife when she was locked up. Still, he kept to his faith and refused to temptation of changing wives. As far I as know, he believed in marriage as it is. Kate is far from a model wife, but to her credit she's proven to be good mother. The King is dead, but I hope the young prince can be as wise as his father."

Meghan’s Space

This was not the ideal way to begin our qualifying campaign, but was it a completely terrible way? It’s one of things that right now, we really don’t know. Ideally, we go into Morton City and get the three points that we need. But West Newmanistan is a decent side, and surely they were quite motivated to be able to do something on the opening matchday that their Empire neighbors never seem to be able to do. Since I play for Centralia in Newmanistan, I can’t completely escape the news reports that surround their national team and this apparent struggle that they have to start things off. Their western neighbors played pretty hard against us. I don’t know if there was any motivation on their part to play us given the fact that there are four of us on the national team that play there professionally, and a couple other veterans who aren’t on our roster presently. We did get booed, but that’s to be expected while you are on the road. This 2-2 result works a little bit, but as long as we beat the Patriots when we play them later on. It helps our cause that Milchama lost to The Islands of Qutar and Gordon Bay City picked up a draw with Jeruselem. If anything, it has set the tone that Group 7 just may well be a wild and crazy group. Those results are good only if we beat those opponents too, because certainly right now The Island of Qutar and Gordon Bay City are brimming with confidence after their results. The Patriots last night may have caught us off guard a little bit. They were better then what they appeared to be on film, and when they got their 11th minute goal from Chris Peckham, it got them rolling. We settled in though, and I thought that we began to take control of this match. Stacie Kerrigan-Fraser got us even in the 35th , and after halftime we continued to play well. We had several chances to score, and capitalized once when Jennifer Lowry scored in the 57th, but we really should have picked up another one in this stretch, and they may have come back to haunt us. We had taken the crowd out of the game until an “out of town” score flashed on the scoreboard. The Banten States had won. Now the crowd was back in it and loud, and the Patriots had come back to life. We tried to hold them off, but as you know, we could not. Corey Aguirre made a nice play, give him credit.

So now we will try to give Milchama an 0-0-2 start. This is one of those matches that at the beginning of the campaign we looked at as one we’d love to steal a point out of, and even though we only drew with West Newmanistan, I think we’d be ok with a draw here. But Milchama is down, and if we can keep them down with a victory in their stadium, it puts them in a deeper hole. They are good enough to come out of that hole if they were to lose, I realize that, but this is one of the two teams that we are probably going need to overtake if we are to qualify for World Cup 46. We have a pretty good record against the top seeds in our group, so we’re going into their stadium with confidence, and will hope to come out of it with a least a point, but hopefully three.

(Somewhere in the north-eastern corner of Clan Ostbora's territories_)

The only answer was a high-pitched chuckle, that sounded gleeful and yet somehow -- simultaneously -- malicious. Suddenly she heard several sets of rushing footsteps behind her, and turned her head to see...

... an octet of armed soldiers, wearing the uniform & badges of Clan Ostbora's own militia, one of whom was carrying the woman's cub 'Barri' in his arms.

"Don't worry, ma'am, we'll help get you and both of your cubs safely back home," this individual greeted her. "You might want to stay away from those bushes, though, because we've credible report of 'Woozles' having been seen at various places around this district recently..."

"Woozles!" the woman exclaimed; "GreatFather Sun preserve us!
But where's Birri? You said that you'd see both of my cubs to safety!"

"And so we shall ma'am, if you'll just give us the chance: here, hold this one..." (He quickly, but carefully, passed Barri across to her.)
"Hrright!" (He turned around, to join the rest of those troops in facing the patch of undergrowth from which the laughter had come... which had fallen silent when his patrol arrived...)

"NOW!" yelled another of the soldiers, who was wearing the insignia of an 'Ancient' (i.e. a senior NCO...) and appeared to be in command of that force: "Forwards!"
The patrol's members all advanced on the bushes, with their main weapons (long-handled axes for 4 of them, crossbows for 2 and broadswords -- with bucklers -- for the remaining 2...) ready, and suddenly all yelled-out the Clan's traditional battle-cry

"Bora-Harrah! Dayarn-ur-Borr'hra!"

There were rustling sounds in the undergrowth again immediately after this, and as the troops strode up to their edge a number of beings broke cover and made a run for it. There seemed to be somewhere around two-eights of these creatures, but they weren't even maintaining any sort of formation let alone trying to make a stand: They were just rushing away instead, Tiger-take-the-hindmost, weaving around and even under or over each other [at times] as they ran... They were smaller than adult Ursines, a lot skinnier in build, and several of them had dropped down onto all fours in order to move more quickly (which they did in a strange, sort-of 'bounding' gait). Two of the ones that had remained bipedal were carrying a struggling figure between them...

"Birri!" the woman cried out, "That's my Birri! Save him..." And then, seeing one of the crossbowbears aim his weapon in that direction: "No, don't shoot! You might hit Birri..."

The crossbowbear looked at his commander for orders, but that indivdual was already charging forwards with the other axe-wielders. The woozles acclerated their flight, but then one of those who were carrying the cub must have realised that they couldn't out-run pursuit with that load... and been unwilling to relinquish it. Pulling his partner to a halt, he wheeled around and -- with an expression of animal cunning on his pointed face -- held a crudely-worked stone blade to the youngster's throat.
The soldiers brought themselves to a halt at this sight, while the woman sobbed quietly because of the fear that she was feeling.
Slowly, the woozles backed away.
Slowly, single step by single step, the Ursine soldiers followed after them.
Suddenly, the woozle who'd been using his knife to threaten their hostage collapsed to the ground... with a throwing-axe embedded in the back of his head!
Birri tore himself away from his other captor, and dashed back towards his mother -- apparently so desperate to get back to her that he simply ignored the soldiers' presence altogether.
The remaining woozles broke, turned, and dashed for the shelter of the woods again...
And then another four Ursines appeared, sliding down ropes from out of trees near the glade's edge, to cut-off their retreat.

The fight that ensued was short but furious, with neither side obviously never even considering the possibility of surrender (on the one paw) or of taking any prisoners (on the other), and ended with all eight-and-seven of the woozles dead... the last of them, who had slithered off to one side and tried to hide, brought down by a crossbow-bolt just before he could slip away down the bank of a stream. Several of the Ursines were wounded too, although only one of these -- one of the axebears -- seemed to be hurt seriously: He was lying on the ground, with one leg outstretched so that a comrade could bandage the long wound that had laid it open.

The woman, carrying both of her cubs clutched to her chest, approached the patrol's 'Ancient'.
"My thanks to you and your bears," she said, "and to the Great Bear for sending you here to us in our watch of need. Had you not happened by, I dread to think what might have become of my cubs and myself..."


(To be continued...)

Electric failure

Urna Eletrônica was defeated in the first competitive match of the newly reunited Orange-blues. The match was not quite as bad as the prophets of doom and gloom predicted, but Natus'he will have to change things for more experienced teams like the Jasiju~n.

One of the more noticable incidents was that a large-scale discussion broke out from a completely innocuous matter, which shifted to the heated topic of politics and in which the boundaries of the team affiliation were ignored. Lula'he was remarkable because the rejistanis could understand his sometimes tortured English better since they tend to make similar mistakes. It took several minutes until the referee was able to deal with the chaos and make the match continue normally. The matter, which started the entire trouble was that Nana I Tamak͜hi commented a missed shot sarcastically with "selme kovomin!" (debts of the government). Which led the opposite team first think that it is an insult and after a translation started the above-described mess. Kiru Taka later commented: "Oh gods! I never expected many of them to be Keynesian."

According to the Na͜ovi National, the discussion continued later in a pub.

After the match, Jenji Y was again called a descendant of Jenji Y seeing that he scored in the 89th minute. Y'he grinned and remarked that he played from the beginning.

The results:
Rejistania 2 (Hamenil Y 34th, Jenji Y 89th)
Urna Eletrônica 0

This is the Matchday 2 cutoff.

Matchday 2 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14780397&postcount=4) now available. Both Bears Armed and Rejistania edited their RPs after the cut-off, the edits were not taken into bonus consideration for this matchday and will be for MD3 instead.

The Whisky flowed on flight thirty-six to Silica City, and most of it flowed into Paul.

The second game in the opening double-header of WC46 qualifying had been away from home against the ominously named Stargate Centurion. Paul hadn't done his research on them. The media attention in Silexhera after their 0-0 'win' against Liventia had been too much. Everyone was as happy with the draw as he was, which was good, but he had the sneaking suspicion that hopes were being raised too much. His and his team's fifteen minutes of fame were, fortunately enough, just that. There was no time to go over the performance in detail with the team, the newspapers or anyone. Sunday had been a rest-day, Monday was flight-day, Tuesday was training and preperation, Wednesday had been the game.

And what a game. And what a way to be introduced to the wonders of the 'away' fixture. Silexherans didn't travel much, and so foreign countries may as well have been distant planets. Paul had made sure his team had kept their distance from the inner workings of SC society lest it take away the attention of any of his players. He wanted, needed, everyone to be focused on the game. He knew how easy it could be to get caught up in the moment and fail to prepare properly, and he made sure his team got onto the pitch with nothing else on their mind. They'd played the perfect game.

Not perfect in the way that a great football team plays perfect football, but the way that a bad football team plays football that isn't too terrible. Stargate Centurion were better - they were full of professionals - but they struggled with Silexhera's style just as much as Liventia did, and then that had happened.

We were struggling. We'd been there for thirty-five minutes soaking up the waves of Stargate Centurion pressure. We couldn't get out of our own half for love nor money but that was what we'd expected. When you go into a game 5-4-1 you're not expecting go in all guns blazing. The shield was up, the players were behind the ball, closing opponents down, covering one another, everything they'd been asked to do, and then Forrester had picked up a loose ball on the edge of his area and found Kelly Sporadic. With two opponents bearing down on him, Kelly hadn't panicked. He put his foot on the ball and waited. Gopher Sporaskid, who was getting cleverer by the second (if he'd got any dumber he'd have tried to put his shorts on over his head) had started running forward. A quick turn by Sporadic and a sidestep had given him a bit of space and he'd used it to pelt the ball low and hard right down the middle. On any other pitch it'd have been a nothing ball, but Sporaskid was already up to speed. The SC defenders, far too far apart, watched from the halfway line as the ball scooted down the middle of the park along the slick wet grass. It seemed to take them an hour to turn and chase but by that point Sporaskid was already on to it, cutting in from the wing and bearing down on goal. Paul had already been celebrating. He didn't think for a second that Gopher, with the finishing skills of a dead sloth, would put the ball in the net, he was just standing and applauding the move. He saw the goalie coming off his line out of the corner of his eye. Not just coming off, he was racing off his line to meet Sporaskid. He was going to tackle him outside his own area. It was madness! Had he not seen Sporaskid play before? He couldn't hit a bull's arse with a bass fiddle, but here he was haring out of goal to meet the striker. Gopher Sporaskid panicked. He always panicked. This time however it did him good. He got to the ball before the goalkeeper and turned as far to the right as he possibly could without falling over. The goalie slipped as he tried to change direction himself and it appeared Gopher was through. The defenders were tearing back but Paul knew they wouldn't catch him. This was it. They were going to score unless Gopher didn't try and shoot from outside the area, and thank god he didn't. He just ran the ball into the goal, sprinting full pelt at the net until he was definite that the ball had no choice but to roll over the line. Paul and two-hundred traveling supporters had raised the roof of the stadium with their shouts and celebrations. We'd scored our first ever goal.

The whisky kept flowing on the plane. Stargate Centurion 0-1 Silexhera. It was magnificent. Four points from two games with no goals conceded. They were going to return to Silexhera as heroes. Thats why Paul needed the whisky. It was going to get harder from here on in...

National Team Pulls Off Victory

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/81/248752490_a81b410117_o.jpg
[The header was powerful and low, hitting the net just beyond the reach of Jason Hargrove.]

Fedala—The Golden-Whites pulled off their first victory of the World Cup qualifiers, defeating Newmanistan 1–0 in a spectacularly boring game. The win vindicates the new, more defensive 4–5–1 formation, and has put in the limelight second-string players of the team. More importantly, the victory keeps The Macabee National Football Team in the running for second place, given that the only team with six points remains the Yaforite squad. Newmanistan is the only team that has still not summed points, and the going is about to get rougher—their next match is against Yafor, group leaders. But, that is neither here or there, and the people of the Second Empire look ecstatically towards the prospect of new victories in the coming days for the Imperials. Assuming a perfect run, at the very least the team would secure the second position in the group, allowing them a ticket to the World Cup finals—it would be the first such promotion in the history of the national team. But, to earn their rights of passage the Golden-Whites must defeat the McLaughlin Islands, in the team’s first away game. But, if Steroga can defeat this team at their home field, so can the Macabee National Team!

The starting eleven were the same players who had started the second half against Yafor. Management had sacrificed a striker for a fourth defender, adding another element to the team’s faulty defense. This time, it seems to have worked out. Newmanistan was incapable of scoring, despite several opportunities presented to them, while the Golden-Whites capitalized on one of their plays to take the lead, late in the game. Given the success of this new formation, it’s likely that the team will take it to The McLaughlin Islands, in an attempt to cut this team’s offensive capabilities and take the lead on the third match day.

The first-half of the match did not produce any goals, but it did show the transformation of the Macabee team. As originally expected, Newmanistan took control of the game early on. The visitors were able to produce three very good scoring opportunities within the first fifteen minutes, succeeding in making the home squad very nervous. However, slowly but surely, the Imperials’ midfield began to monopolize control over the ball. By the thirtieth minute, it was Terj Mitoraj who set the pace for the game and controlled the flow of the ball. And by the end of the first half, it was The Macabees who seemed to dominate. By the end of the first half the Macabee team was able to set up four different accurate shots, which could have ended in early goals. Nevertheless, despite the emergence of the Macabee midfield, the game continued 0–0 at the end of forty-five minutes. The good news (for the Macabees, at least) was that Newmanistan did not seem in any position to take back control of the ball, and the team seemed completely out of place. It did not seem like the usual squad, capable of taking the World Cup if they wanted to. Instead, they seemed like a lackluster group of semi-professional football players. And so, the Imperial squad shined and during the second-half they showed off their potential.

The forty-sixth minute of the match opened with a very energetic Macabee team. Nantes Resien cut off an early Newmanistani attack and drove the ball up the right flank. He then put a wonderful cross into the opponent’s area, where Mika d’Angíel masterfully controlled and shot. Unfortunately, the ball arched over the crossbar and it was turned into a goal kick. Nevertheless, the early opportunity proved to set the pace for the second half of the match. It was not long before Mika d’Angíel was given a second opportunity, and even Mitoraj almost put a shot in from long distance. However, despite the good playing, there were no goals. Manager Tíer Bergán took Mika d’Angíel off first, resting him for the next game, and replaced him with Shost Glen. Glen is not a good playmaker, but with five midfielders his accuracy could prove deadly. He proved a welcome addition, although he failed his first two opportunities to score, due to some exemplary defending on Newmanistan’s part. Bergán’s second substitution was to take off Tern Fedal, the center back, and replacing him with Nether Falsó. This was done in the seventieth minute, as the lack of scoring was proving frustrating—better to score than to draw, was the motto of the day. The added offensive power was felt immediately, and threats to the defense were minimized since it seemed as if Newmanistan’s team had been broken down. And, the first goal was no longer long in coming.

Terj Mitoraj made an excellent pass to Joán Zeneti, the Qasarian Sparta B player, who was almost immediately fouled by Kevin Taylor. The free kick was “only” twenty-one meters away from the goal, and it was taken by Ses Dermán in seventy-fifth minute. Dermán hung the ball in the middle of the area, where it met with Resien’s head. It was a “perfect” goal, with only fifteen minutes left in the game, and it gave the Macabee team the boost they needed to continue to pressure the Newmanistani squad and shoot for the second goal. But, this second goal never came. The warning snapped Newmanistan’s defense to attention, and the game continued to be a sluggish stand-off between two very equal squads. Newmanistan’s offense, however, was incapable of showing their former glamour and was never able to equalize, despite some good opportunities they created. Nevertheless, a mixture between Newmanistani apathy and good Macabee defending allowed the game to end 1–0 in the ninety-second minute of the game. It was a well earned win for the Macabee Imperial team, and puts them only three points from first (Yafor). The team will have to play with a similar vigor and style in order to guarantee a victory against The McLaughlin Islands, although with the increased morale boost perhaps this won’t be too difficult to achieve. But, one can only dream!

But, the Newmanistan game was not the only interesting game of Group 10. Yafor drilled Steroga 4–0, maintaining the Yaforite squad in first place and with a high goal difference (positive five). The McLaughlin Islands garnered their first victory, like the Macabees, in an away game against Banten States in a seven goal thriller, which ended 3–4. This keeps the group tables very equal, with Yafor in the lead with six points, and three points tied for first with three points a piece. Newmanistan remains last, with no points. However, things can change very dramatically in the next match day. Newmanistan will host Yafor. A Yaforite victory would keep Yafor in first place, and would sentence Newmanistan to a very difficult comeback attempt (nine points south of the leaders). A Yaforite loss, however, would make first place conceivable for virtually every other team in the group, as the maximum amount of points would still remain six. The McLaughlin Islands will host the Golden-Whites, and both teams need the win to break away from the last places in the group and stay in tune with Yafor. The Imperials need the victory if they are to hope for second (realistically) or first (ideally) place. It will be a difficult game, but the Golden-Whites have the tools to achieve their goals. With a win against Newmanistan, second place does not seem too far off. Steroga will host Banten States; they are in a similar position as McLaughlin Islands and The Macabees.

Manager Tíer Bergán offered his prognostic during a press release:

“In regards to our game, we have every tool in the box to pull off a deserved victory. There is nothing “natural” that can impede us from winning tomorrow. On the other hand, the same situation exists for the McLaughlin Islands. Ultimately, tomorrow’s game will go to the team that played the best, and I will make sure that that team is us. Garnering three points tomorrow will be crucial for our fight to the World Cup finals. Besides, with our win today, we are on a good roll. The tables have turned, and the true face of the Imperial National squad has shown.

When it comes to the other games, I will put my money on Yafor and Steroga. Yafor is a very powerful team, and defeating them in the qualifying stages is extremely difficult. Nevertheless, if there is any team with the capability of defeating Yafor, it’s Newmanistan. As for Steroga, they are a strong team when playing at home. They were the team that defeated Newmanistan in an away game, 1–0, let’s not forget that!”


In regards to what place the team would end the qualifying stage:

“We can finish this year in second place if we put our minds to it. We have a winning squad, and we can make history. We are in a group where this is possible, especially given Newmanistan’s poor performance due date.”

The fans of the team hope he’s right. But, memories of past qualifiers exist. The team has always entered with high hopes, and left with a stinging frustration. The team’s best placement was Cup of Harmony finals. Every time there is hope, the tunnel collapses and leaves the team under a pile of dirt. Perhaps this is the year where the team finally qualifies; where this bad luck becomes only a memory. Certainly, there is the talent to take the team to the highest mountain. But, is there the will? Does Fortune look down on us? These are the key factors which will decide the team’s qualification. The group may not be extremely difficult in regards to highly ranked teams, or teams that have shown high performance, but all teams are equally eager to qualify and all teams have the characteristics of world champions. The road to the finals will not be easy, and the Imperials will have to fight with arms and teeth. Qualifying will require the players’ blood, sweat and tears. It will require the proverbial fight to the death. The team will have to consistently play like they did today, against Newmanistan. They will have to attack until time runs out, never letting go sight of that goal. That is the only method there is to winning games for a team like The Macabees.

Purple Knights win Again

Matchday two and it was time for the Purple Knights to take on the Hypocrian Hippos. The Hippo of course is a somwhat slow animal that likes to swim around all day so many players believed that this game would come easily. Well they were somewhat right, the Hypocrians weren't as good as a top 40 team, yet, but they still posed a valid threat to stunning the Knights by beating them. But in the end just like in game one the Knights walked away with another 1-0 win. As expected going into Matchday 3 versus a more formidable foe the Knights are 2-0 with 6 points.

The Knights were seizing their oppurtunites throughout the day, but were only able to break through with one goal on a corner kick set play. Zeke Jr. bombed the ball into the goal crease and somehow before the Hypocrian goalie was able to lunge at the ball, Jacin Raellis got her foot on the ball slamming right into the Hypocrian goalies head which then forced the ball to bounce lazily over hime and into the net. It was a stunning goal and one that prooved to win. The Knights fans of course went home happily, and ready for the next game to come to town.

Dancougar News!!
Catching the wind that breaks the butterfly.

Wings on right foot for home fans: With criticism already starting to rain down on Shigeru Takeuchi and his team following three scoreless losses in four matches, the Dancougar Black Wings finally got their campaign underway with a 3-1 home victory against Liventia in the first-ever meeting between the sides.

The performance seemed to add plenty of fuel to the claims that Takeuchi's all-away friendly plan was more detrimental to the team than anything. Although he and the players consistently said that the finishing was all that was lacking, there seemed to be an extra spring in their step when they took the pitch at the National Stadium. The finishing was indeed there, but critics think that the team really needed an infusion of confidence from the home fans, which they certainly got from the capacity 70,000 crowd, with the vast majority waving Horrible Hand Towels.

"At this level, you're used the playing road games, but the home crowd does make a huge difference," said forward Hiromasa Nagasawa. "I think the big thing we took away was that even though we've just come off a pretty dismal stretch, the fans were still behind us. And that made us feel a lot more comfortable going forward."

Unlike the match against Bears Armed, the Wings showed some real initiative in the early going. They needed to get something going after being one of the highest profile victims on matchday one, and Stefan Rosberg set the tone in just the 4th minute of the match by pounding the crossbar from the top of the box. He showed more willingness to run and was finding space, producing another shot in the 11th minute which was easily snapped up by the Liventian 'keeper.

The Wings got the opening goal in the 16th minute. Again, Rosberg was involved, but this time as the creator. He chased an errant cross into the corner and was immediately confronted by a defender, but he slid the ball to his right foot and accelerated along the goal line. That gave him space for another cross, and this time he picked out Kent Montego lurking near the back post. The 'keeper was caught out of position and Montego calmly nodded it into the net for 1-0. It was the young midfielder's first goal with the senior team, following up on four scored during the Empire Charity Cup.

But just like the Cassadaigua game, the lead was short-lived, as Liventia were able to snatch and equalizer with one of their few first-half attacks. An error by defender Matt Bogart in the 23rd allowed what should have been a harmless pass to slip through to a waiting attacker, who pounced on the offering. Artur Komarov was beaten to his right and it was 1-1, immediately silencing the crowd. The play came after a strong sequence of Black Wing attacks had gotten the crowd fully into the game, so Liventia's goal appeared at first to be a real momentum turner.

The team was able to shake it off and continue to heap pressure on the visitors, now looking to regain the lead rather than extend it. "We weren't too worried since we'd been dominating the match, and it was really a freak mistake by Matt," said captain Dan Florentino. "He got a bit casual, maybe, but I mean, he does that one time out of a hundred. I told the guys going back for the kickoff, hey, we just have to keep doing what we're doing."

Whether they needed their new captain to tell them or not, the Wings were able to re-establish control and slowly the crowd regained its voice, as well. But they would not add to the scoreline before halftime, with several chances being denied by the Liventian 'keeper, who was settling in after the early barrage.

Dancougar roared out of the gate in the second half and were up within minutes of the whistle. In the 47th minute, a strong run from Rosberg once again opened up space across the box. He drew a few defenders away from the middle when he broke off his run to the side, creating a vacuum that was occupied by Nagasawa. Rosberg turned his head and slipped a low pass to his ESF-based teammate, who had enough time to stop the ball with his favored right foot before any defenders could converge. The 'keeper had decided to maintain his line, giving Nagasawa any number of places to shoot. He went between the legs to make it 2-1.

Liventia fought to get back into the game, but the five-man midfield was finally working its magic. Montego's willingness to run all over the pitch, converting between attacker and defender as necessary, was creating lots of mismatches and errant passes. And captain Florentino earned a yellow card in the 61st for a hard tackle near the touchline, but that only served to further energize his team. It was the kind of defensive mettle never really displayed by former captain Alexei Voronzoff, or even Kevin Underwood.

The Wings put it away in the 68th on a corner kick taken by Christian Chojnacki. It was a harsh outswinger that was chested and chased down by Florentino, who held off a defender and rifled back into the box. It went untouched into the back of the net and Dancougar had its third.

"We were able to get our shots down today, and that was the key thing," said Takeuchi. "In the past few games, we'd been hitting things over the bar too regularly, but the guys were showing some better control today both with their shots and in the setup. They were showing more confidence on the ball and didn't get frustrated."

The last twenty minutes saw the Wings take a more defensive approach, with Montego coming off to applause in favor of a fourth defender, Toby Garrido in his international debut. Although he picked up a quick yellow for an unnecessary foul, Garrido displayed good instincts on the left side and prevented two or three potential attacks from developing, as Liventia turned up the pressure late to try and climb back. It was a case of too little, too late. The direct ball strategy devolved into a volleyball match between Liventian feet and Dancougaran heads that the hosts were never in danger of losing.

The Wings will go back on the road to play the Landau Institute, who are tied with the Wing on three points from two matches.

Group 14 overview: Bears off to flying start: It's hard to judge the true quality of Bears Armed right now, but early indicators seem to point to another World Cup berth. The team has a pair of 1-0 home wins to begin the campaign, the latest coming against the Landau Institute. The Institute, which is located on Estresse Intenso, is more or less its own society with a pseudo-caste system of doctors, patients, and support staff. It's not the first time some of these players have seen international competition, but it's the first for the Institute representing itself. For the Bears to now have wins over the Wings and this crew certainly speaks to the rapid ascent of the ursine wunderteam.

Another team earning rave reviews for its early performances is Silexhera, who are sitting pretty on four points after taking four points from their opening matches. The home draw against Liventia was good, but even better was yesterday's 1-0 road win against Stargate Centurion. The Silexherans have shown boundless enthusiasm in their first-time participation, and that itself has produced tangible results. But their relatively unknown quality, having not participated in the most recent Baptism of Fire, can make them a dangerous team. It will be most interesting to see if they can maintain their blistering pace.

Rob's Rant: Defenders, put the arm down: Seriously. You see this garbage all the time - a defender gives up on the play because he thinks the dude who just schooled his ass is offside. So they throw up the arm and complain while the attacker just kind of waltzes in unopposed and blasts the goalie. Guys. This isn't hard. If the guy is offside, then the referee's going to call it. He doesn't need your help, he doesn't want your help.

It's like they're still in school, where you raise your hand because you have the answer to the question. The question in this case is very simple. Okay, so it's really not, but I asked Tim for help on this part. So like... attacker A and defender D are on a field where A is attacking a goal at x = 120 and defending the goal at x = 0. He begins a run from position (x(0), y(0)) while D begins pursuit from (x'(0), y'(0)). If the ball is passed to A at time t, and the players are positioned such that x(t) <= x'(t), is A offside? The defender is waving his hand like an idiot so he can say, oooh, oooh, ref, I know, I know, it's offside! But no, you idiot, read the laws of the game.

Until the referee blows the whistle, the ball's in play. And if the attacker has the ball, your job is to destroy him whether he's offside or not. Well, okay, don't actually destroy him, that'll get you a straight red, but you get it, right? Even if he looks like he's really, absolutely, undoubtedly offside, you chase his ass anyway! You have nothing to lose except maybe you get a little tired. Oh no, a professional footballer gets tired from running, how dreadful! Look, if you're going to just throw your arm up immediately instead of actually, you know, playing defense, you're just lazy. Please get off my team and be replaced by someone who will try.

Early clash between leaders headlines weekend: Aiken City United and Coraopolis FC will be the biggest D-League pairing of the upcoming weekend as the early leaders look to continue their excellent start to the Clausura. Aiken remains a perfect 4-0-0 thanks to four goals from Rennidan forward Selet Loek, while Coraopolis are sitting in third on nine points. There were questions about their defense following the purchase of Han international Yi Anhae by Stoneridge, and it has indeed been mediocre. But as long as Saburo Nishino continues to develop into a potent goal machine, that won't matter. Coraopolis will host the leaders at the Bellvue.

Of the remaining matches, the most interesting involves defending champions Grandborough, who currently sit in the middle of the table following last week's 2-1 home loss to Coraopolis. They'll need to get back on track away to Port Royal, who are second in the table thanks to the league's best offense.

Woodstock Daily Mail

Stars win slugfest, assume group lead

By Travis West
Daily Mail Staff Writer

The match seemed to be played in an arcade shooting gallery rather than on Bryan Marshall Memorial Stadium's storied grounds. By the time Sarzonia's 5:4 victory over The Holy Empire was in the books, everyone on both squads was exhausted. Even the bench players who never took off their warm ups collapsed to the ground.

Stars manager Franz Braddock staggered into the post match press conference balanced on his two assistant coaches while goalkeeper coach Horace Sandt stood guard at the podium.

"Good game, no?" Braddock said with a slight laugh. For him, it was a good match. Sarzonia played fluid, attack-minded football, though goalkeeper Cody Taylor spent a few extra minutes standing under the hot showers after conceding four goals.

"Coach, any concerns about your defence after conceding four goals to The Holy Empire," one reporter asked.

"No," Braddock said. "They're the fifth ranked side in the world. They just lost in the World Cup finals. For us to put five goals past that team says a lot about how good we are doing so far. We have room for improvement, yes, but we have potential."

Each of Sarzonia's three forwards in its three-forward line up scored at least once, with Reese Nichols and Zack Wilson scoring twice each. Matt Lynch had three assists in addition to his match winning goal with stoppage time starting.

"We came up with the big play in the clutch," Nichols said. "Give Matty a lot of credit."

"Three forwards is tough for a lot of teams to stop," Lynch said. "If it's not me, you've got to stop Zack or Reese. It's really a case of pick your poison."

Sarzonia prepare to travel to longtime rivals Krytenia for an away fixture before wrapping up the first half of the schedule with two home fixtures. They'll do so with a surprising 2-0-0 record, but Braddock cautioned against getting too far ahead.

"It's only two matches. We have eight to go. If we don't play well, we will still be on the outside looking in."

SIZE="1"]World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 12
PRQ: vs 1-0 [99] Norwellia (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 60,000)
MD1: vs 4-1 [24] Jeru FC (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD2: @ 1-0 [84] Kagdazka (@ kak po russky...?)
MD3: vs [110] The Bear Islands (@ Potala, Lasa - 34,000)
MD4: @ [132] Threetime (@ Triple Trisomy?)
MD5: vs [57] Quintessence of Dust (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MQ: @ [33] Taeshan (@ Atlantea Colesseum - a lot of small people)
MD6: @ [24] Jeru FC (@ barbarians' hut)
MD7: vs [84] Kagdazka (@ Silk Road Stadium, Seoan - 56,000)
MD8: @ [110] The Bear Islands (@ GAH! BARS! ... oh, that's bears, nvm...)
MD9: vs [132] Threetime (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD10: @ [57] Quintessence of Dust (@ Arena of Dreams, Nowy Orpington - at least there isn't any trash here)
PTQ: @ ghosts?[/size]

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/Companies/MBC.png

Small Stuff in Big Packages

KAGDAZKA - We were going away to the country where Samseong just offered to buy up Nowy Orpington United, and I think we were surprised too many people trying to copy us. It was unnerving. Yes, we were prepared to fight off the hordes of "WE HATE YOU" and such, but we got no such reaction. There were some lunatics who insisted that we saved them. From what, I haven't the faintest idea. But then again, we did catch a glimpse of Han-haters, trying to disrupt the whole thing in general. But the Quodites seemed very displeased and tried to shovel them into the earth (and I mean that literally).

We were shuttled into the stadium quite politely and with some folks never ceasing to amuse us with their reflections on life and how it used to be. It used to be that the Arena of Dreams was a deserted spot where people dumped their trash. It was also the place where "having a good time" meant more than just sex. It was the place where anything you wanted could be bought for any price. It was the place where your home team was not only a national embarrassment but a rancidly hot embarrassment. In general, the city was hardly the sort of place you'd live in for your lifetime. Most of the buildings were marked with a nostaglic aura, as if they had seen better days. The skies were littered with gray clouds, breaking an odd melancholy that permeating the very existence of the people living there. Perhaps it was a tragedy of the location, as the prevailing winds would carry with it the persistent cloud cover that seemed to offer its particular shade of gray to the city's environs. It seemed that even the very earth from which the city was crafted shared this particular hue of gray, a melancholic drag that made the depressed seem at home here. You could probably sleep here for thirty years and perhaps see everything that the city had to offer, it was literally a city that dreamed while it lived.

But the festivity of our arrival seemed to cast any of that sort of history to the wind (literally - it blew all day, carrying with it a few carnival folk). They held a parade. They held a ground-breaking ceremony on the new Samseong HQ building that would supposedly adorn the city. And with it, a break from the gray melancholy as the Samseong Board meticulously planned out green parks and vibrant centers where people could enjoy life. Those coffeehouses would now serve a spectacular brew that gave the average citizen a jolt to the wind (figuratively, that one - nothing could jolt as big as the wind here, again a relic of its geography perhaps). And fortunately, we had all bright spirits guiding our way. People carried a smile that you could carry with you in your mind for a while. It was a different smile than what you'd expect back home. It was the smile of ten thousand generations lifting away the bitter nostaglia of better days and a sense of optimism for newer days. And the Leibnizian dilemma no sooner smiled upon the residents of the city.

The Han controlled the match for the greater majority of time played, and while the Quodite team fielded some brilliant plays, they were offensively dulled by the defensive team that had been prepared ahead of time. And there was Kim Yongji, the perennial center man. Kim Jinsaek by his side, and Yi Beomsuk opposite him. Three men against the hordes of strikes offered, and they stood strong. Kim Jongguk hardly needed to move, but to block two or three shots that went beyond his front line. But for the Han it was equally difficult to break through their lines, having penetrated the weakness of their midfield flanks. It wasn't so much the weakness of midfield that killed them, but the inexperience of their defense that drew the midfield back too often to pose any forward threat. And with Jeong Jihun and Kim Mihyeon each firing blanks, it was widely expected to see the breakthrough come from break of brilliance. 56th minute - the latest of Jeong Jihun's shots takes a deflection off Schitthausen and out for a corner kick. The Han quickly brought men up to play and An Pilrip made the delivery down short to Kim Jinsaek. Kim only held the ball for a short while before sending the ball up into the middle, where the incohesive huddle was still struggling figure out what was going on. Kim Yongji, outside the huddle, dashed within their ranks and had his head reach high and first to the ball. Where on another day the strike would have hit the post and gone out, it hit the post and went in. Chang hardly knew it was there, if only because the post rattled with its distinct sound, as a bell tolling the end.

It was not Kim Yongji's first goal, but it was certainly the only thing that the Han needed. The Quodite offense were hardly a real threat, but the only threat that concerned the Han was the threat of losing the points that just one goal could mean for them. One goal was the difference, and one goal was still needed to put the measure beyond all doubt. But when the whistle blew, it was a joyous cry that resounded from within the walls of the stadium, as both Han and Quodite alike shook hands for a good game and good time.

Oh... but if that were the truth. Instead, we got a fucked up schedule and headed off to Kagdazka where everyone truly hated us. They seemed to resent the fact that we couldn't speak their language, and we quickly learned a few of their curse words (although they might have been greetings). In any case, it was the same round story, except all of that pretense of "friendly" and "nice" were thrown out that proverbial window that most people in Kagdazka seemed to omit from the construction of their houses. Probably the result of some genius deciding that it's too cold to have windows in the winter. But the same melancholy that drove me to imagine a dreary place was the same cold gray that covered the skies in Kagdazka. The only seeming joy that they had was the fact that they were throwing out free t-shirts during half-time, using a t-shirt grenade launcher. Evidently, they sometimes confuse t-shirts for grenades... not to mention that their favorite drink was a Molotov cocktail... and like all good people, they throw their weight around. But when it did end, they weren't angry enough to start pelting us with their stuff - they just accepted it as part of their normal dreary existence.

Needless to say, we got the %$#^ out of there as soon as we could.

Goal Scorers
2 - Jeong Jihun
1 - Kim Mihyeon, Kim Yongji, Baek Jihun[/QUOTE]

World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Iglesian Archipelago (6-2)
MD2: Greal VS Bostopia (1-0)
MD3: Greal VS Chutnusak
MD4: Greal VS Septentrionia
MD5: Greal VS Italia Orientale
MD6: Greal VS Iglesian Archipelago
MD7: Greal VS Bostopia
MD8: Greal VS Chutnusak
MD9: Greal VS Septentrionia
MD10: Greal VS Italia Orientale


Greal narrowly wins over Bostopia

Greal avenged their first ever loss to Bostopia in WC42, with a narrow win of 1-0 on MD2 of WC46 qualifying stage. Thought it wasn't very impressive scoring, the Greal was facing a sixth ranked rival while themselves were only ranked thirty two. Howard Anderson scored the only goal of the game, but Michael Istoma made more attempts at scoring then the rest of the team combined. Ross Trent says the win over Bostopia has preserved Greal's number one spot on Group One for now. He also said the team must not let its guard down despite two great opening matchdays. The worse is still to come. Meanwhile, the number of viewers watching the movie dropped slightly from MD1, but this was because of the hype for MD1. Many people were also watching it live from the internet. Tomorrow, Greal faces wildcard Chutnusak. The team will be cautious, but at the same time, probing for weaknesses.


Greal 1
Howard Anderson (54')

Bostopia 0

In other matches of Group One....

Iglesian Archipelago again suffered misfortune by losing narrowly to Septentrionia 0-1.

Italia Orientale was beaten narrowly by Chutnusak 1-2.

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Again, I didn't see that coming." complained Ethan, who lost another three hundred in a bet.

"Cheer up, we have tons of matchdays still ahead of us, you'll get back your money." said Ross, trying to calm him down.

"Who's next?" asked Fred.

"Chutnusak."

"Wildcard, have potential to beat us."

"This team is going to be tougher." said Ethan.

"You always say that." said Ross, now annoyed.

"I'm going with a narrow win." said Ethan, "And four hundred."

"Make that outright win for me." said Fred, "Eight hundred dollars."

"I'm going to say draw. There's no such thing as winning forever." said Roger, "And five hundred from me.

"I'll be betting narrow win and three hundred dollars." said Ross.

"Well, good luck. And I wish our team luck too. Judging from the upcoming rivals, they might need it more then us."

Most important people involved in the trial:

Neutral:
Judge Karina Alrade, Counsellor-Minister of Justice (the judge)
Agent Armínio Capiau (agent of Cafundéu Federal Police)
Dr. Luiz Cláudio Xingu (evidence analyzer and expert)

Empire's side:
Alice I, Empress of Cafundéu
Prince Hector Van Tocco, father of the Empress
Erwin Boshcke, Baron of Santa Cecília
Dênis Naplas, Lord of Submiria (the prosecutor)
The Scout (main informant and witness)

Urubupungá's side:
Carlos Alberto Urubupungá, president of CCFM (main defendant)
Ronaldo Bustos, former Director of NTs of CCFM (defendant)
Michel Casaverde, former Director of Finances of CCFM (defendant)
Jonas Bigodinho, scout of the CCFM (defendant)
Marcos Jardins, player agent (defendant)
Ernani Travassos (lawyer)
Rita Ferraz (lawyer)

AGENT CAPIAU - "Judge, Mr. Urubupungá has arrived."

JUDGE ALRADE - "Finally, we were waiting for him. So he didn't try to leave the country, after all."

AGENT CAPIAU - "We had even to send the Baron Boschke to check if he was at home."

JUDGE ALRADE - "Well, the Empress really wants to clear this situation... I think that it's impossible for Urubupungá to be considered innocent, although he has a chance to avoid a severe punishment..."

LORD NAPLAS - "It will all depend on which crime he will be accused of..."

JUDGE ALRADE - "This trial is for this, after all."

TRAVASSOS - "Oh, Carlos, here you are. Everyone here have been waiting for you, this can't happen again! We must leave a good impression, or things can be even more difficult! Don't forget it, I am your lawyer. Not only yours, but also of Ronaldo and Michel, so do it for your friends too!"

URUBUPUNGÁ - "We're not friends, we just work together. Anyway, it is my interest to have a good impression, so you can be sure that I did my best to reach here in time."

TRAVASSOS - "Curious, as one of our biggest enemies had to go to your house to check if you were there..."

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Don't talk to me about him... I hate that Baron, he took my position in the CCFM!"

TRAVASSOS - "I think it is already time for you to know that this position isn't yours anymore, and it will never be again. If you avoid jail, you can already commemorate."

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Hmpfh... I just want this to end soon."

TRAVASSOS - "Judge Alrade, everyone is here now, so we can get started."

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Wait, Judge Alrade? What is she doing here, she is the Counsellor-Minister of Justice!"

LORD NAPLAS - "And the Counsellor-Minister of Justice is what, Mr. Urubupungá?

URUBUPUNGÁ - "She is a judge, but... why is she the judge of this trial?"

JUDGE ALRADE - "Should I remind you that the Empress herself is overseeing this trial... it shouldn't be a surprise that she would choose me as the judge."

BUSTOS - "Shut up, Carlos, or you'll end saying shit."

TRAVASSOS - "Ronaldo is right, Carlos, sit down."

JUDGE ALRADE - "Well, Lord Naplas, as a representative of the Cafundelense Empire, you please tell us the accusations."

LORD NAPLAS - "Surely. We have five defendants in this case. All have charges of crimes against the Empire, involving theft of the public money which composed the budget of the CCFM, money which was claimed to be spent on deals with foreign countries, but most part of it weren't used in these deals, being put on accounts under the name of three of the defendants."

JUDGE ALRADE - "And the lawyer of these three defendants denies this improper use of the Empire's money."

TRAVASSOS - "Yes. The money involved in these deals wasn't of the CCFM, it was from Mr. Bustos, in a move of money laundering."

CASAVERDE - "Can I ask you why our lawyer is saying we participated in a money laundering operation?"

BUSTOS - "He is working to change the charges against us... if we are charged of money laundering instead of theft of public money, we'll have a much lighter punishment, and maybe even a chance of escaping from it! Using the Empire's money is one of the crimes which have the worst punishments..."

CASAVERDE - "But why, instead of acting to change the charges, doesn't Travassos consider us innocent?"

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Because this wouldn't change the charges, and because there is too much evidence against us... it's better to act this way than to try to reach to an innocent verdict and fail."

JUDGE ALRADE - "So I guess this will be one of the key decisions of this trial, Mr. Travassos. Prosecutor?"

LORD NAPLAS - "The Empire isn't willing to change the charges, and will continue defending the idea that their crimes were of theft of public money."

JUDGE ALRADE - "Please continue, then, Prosecutor."

LORD NAPLAS - "The defendants are: Carlos Alberto Urubupungá, president of the Confederação Cafundelense de Futebol Masculino, the CCFM; former Counsellor-Minister of Marketing Ronaldo Bustos, who was at that time the Director of National Teams of the CCFM; former Director of Finances of the CCFM Michel Casaverde; current scout and spy of the CCFM Jonas Bigodinho; and famous player agent Marcos Jardins. The first three have as lawyer Ernani Travassos, and the other two have Rita Ferraz."

JUDGE ALRADE - "We have already heard from Mr. Travassos. What about you, Ms. Ferraz?"

FERRAZ - "We believe both Mr. Bigodinho and Mr. Jardins should be considered innocent."

JUDGE ALRADE - "Noted. Both parties have provided us a list of who will act as witnesses in this case. For the next week, we'll start hearing Mr. Scout, who was the informant of the Empire in this case."

URUBUPUNGÁ - "The Scout! I knew it!"

JUDGE ALRADE - "That's all for today. The next date of this trial is scheduled to be one week from today..."

LORD NAPLAS - "Right at the time of Cafundéu's game?"

JUDGE ALRADE - "Sorry about that."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ALICE I - "So the trial has started, Erwin? I was waiting for this, really... you don't know how much I want to see these dirty criminals inside a prison... oh, if torture was allowed!"

BARON BOSHCKE - "I share your feelings, your Highness. It is unforgivable that someone can use the CCFM for illegal acts..."

ALICE I - "Not only this, but the fact that they were simply stealing my money! The money of the Empire!"

PRINCE HECTOR - "Don't forget, my daughter, that this is the money of the entire Cafundelense population! Not only they were putting their hands on money that wasn't theirs, but they also were taking the money which all our citizens paid us! This money is for the progress of the country, and not for criminals to put in their bank accounts!"

ALICE I - "That's right, dad. But now they are already discovering what happens when someone makes something against Cafundéu! They acted against their own country, but now the country will strike back!"

BARON BOSHCKE - "Yes, they are. They thought they could escape, that they would never be caught, but we never miss to get a criminal... especially when he is messing with our money!"

ALICE I - "We have to work hard to give them the most severe punishment!"

PRINCE HECTOR - "This only the trial will decide, my dear. We have already done our part, now justice will be done through the trial."

ALICE I - "I hope so. Meanwhile, we have to work to keep the CCFM strong after this incident... that's why we took control of it."

BARON BOSHCKE - "And it was a wise decision, my Queen. Now we need people we can trust inside the CCFM, as this is a very important organization for our country."

PRINCE HECTOR - "So, my daughter, the nobles will really compose the CCFM?"

ALICE I - "Yes, they are all nobles, but they are also people involved in football. I'm not putting anyone in these positions, I'm putting people who will know what they are doing. But, of course, they'll be all nobles, because they are highly dependant of us, and the Empire."

PRINCE HECTOR - "Understood. So the Baron Boshcke will lead the CCFM?"

ALICE I - "It'll be him."

BARON BOSHCKE - "And I'm really glad that you have decided to give me this opportunity! I have been working for the CCFM for years, and know exactly how things work there."

PRINCE HECTOR - "Without doubt. I am not worried about you, Baron, I think you are a good choice. I'm only worried about the other positions. Surely we can find some five, six or seven good nobles who have deep knowledge and experience in football business and management, but... the CCFM is huge, it has many positions, and important ones."

ALICE I - "Fear not, father. Some selected people can not be the more appropriate, but the ones that will take the most impotant positions can guide them. The Duke Duarte will be the Director of NTs, as the Duke of Srieth, Bishop Uriel, will be our Director of Finances. The organization will be in good hands. I'm just interested in the trial now."

BARON BOSHCKE - "When The Scout starts his participation in the trial, Highness, there will be nothing to worry. He has all the necessary info to destroy these criminals' hopes to escape prison!"

ALICE I - "I hope it happens. But shouldn't we go after more people that could be involved? You know, these lists made by The Scout and used by Jonas Bigodinho... they had contacts outside the CCFM, didn't they?"

BARON BOSHCKE - "Probably. Agents, staff members... many."

ALICE I - "What about the Cafundelense coaches in foreign National Teams?"

BARON BOSHCKE - "They could surely help with recommendations."

ALICE I - "But could they be involved in the deals?"

PRINCE HECTOR - "I believe not. The clubs always have the last word about the negotiations, it happens this way even here... I think the coaches would be restricted to only recommend players. They aren't guilty of anything."

ALICE I - "But they may have some useful information."

BARON BOSHCKE - "But I am afraid it would be difficult for us to simply obligate Franz Braddock, Nelson Yaschter and Toki Ioshido to participate in this trial. The three are working with their National Teams, in another country and, more than difficult, it would be a bit disrespectful for them to take them out of their jobs for a week or two while we ask for these information. I think you may agree with me that The Scout is currently by far our best source of information, and there are also some football agents and people who got access to these negotiations too."

ALICE I - "That's okay, then. But, for what I know, the other football associations that made deals with the CCFM knew that they were making an illegal deal."

BARON BOSHCKE - "Yes, they knew."

ALICE I - "So they are involved."

BARON BOSHCKE - "If we think this way, they are."

ALICE I - "So they participated in the plot to steal money from our Empire!"

BARON BOSHCKE - "We can even reach this conclusion, really."

ALICE I - "So they must face consequences too!"

PRINCE HECTOR - "But we'd have to accuse many countries! We can't do that, transforming this crime in a worldwide one can harm our relation with other countries!"

ALICE I - "I'll go after everyone who stole money from me! Hear my words, I'll work in some way for the trial to reach these associations too!"

PRINCE HECTOR - "The Empire, daughter."

ALICE I - "The Empire, then!"

BARON BOSHCKE - "Well, the chances of success of this aren't big."

PRINCE HECTOR - "We should try a more peaceful approach first."

ALICE I - "We'll work on something, peaceful or not."

It was six weeks on from the glorious win over Stargate Centurion. The media frenzy had died down, and things were getting more comfortable for Paul Hart. Training was going well, there were no injuries, and things were moving along swiftly within the F.A.

The new stadium was to be built. A whole 18,500 seats on the other side of the Granite River. It would be the first time Silexheran soil had officially crossed the natural boundary into what the locals called 'The Wasteland'. Exciting times. Paul had his own rather smart and rather large office now, complete with secretary and personal assistant, both of whom he left largely to their own devices - he'd been brought up to get up and go and get the bloody coffee himself and he wasn't about to change that no matter how great the illusion of success. He was researching the next game. In two weeks time Silexhera would host the wonderfully named 'Bears Armed'. Paul had known nothing about them before he'd connected up his computer to the internet.

He'd been sitting, staring at the screen and rotating his small glass of brandy for about a minute now. All the while he was trying to fathom two things. Firstly how the average travel-shy Silexheran would react to the average citizen of Bears Armed, secondly how on earth he'd set up his side's formation against them. He got a few ideas and scribbled them down.
"That should do it... maybe" he said aloud after scribbling a few numbers and arrows on a scrap of paper. There was a knock at the door. Vincent Wogan strode in without knocking.

Vincent Wogan was a prize tit. Age tends to mature people, but in Hogan's case it'd skipped that on gone straight for the dementia. At fifty-five years of age the man had lost none of his sharpness or mean-ness, but you got the feeling who was losing grip of the reason why he was being strict and hard-headed with people. Once it had been to intimidate, to get one over on an adversary, or as a simple means of one-upmanship. Now he was pig-headed and overbearing because he knew nothing else, and now he was head of the F.A.

Paul sighed.
"Hi Vince"
"Its Vincent, Mr. Hogan or neither, Paul, as I believe I have told you before." Paul opted for option three and just started talking.
"I'm researching our next opponents. Bears Armed."
"Ah! Of course! Good man! Daresay we'll administer a damn good thrashing unto them what what!". Paul to a second to translate that back into English. Vincent liked to believe he was one of the gentry. He's been born just a few streets away from Paul and his father had worked in the same steel mill. The whole family were apparently tossers. Paul brought up a picture on his computer. It was of a Bears Armed player, taken by a football magazine documenting her training on her own near her home in Melchester.
"This is one of their main players. Harroya Redwood. She's a very good player apparently, but then I'd say all of them are vastly superior to us.". Vincent wasn't paying attention. Paul knew that because he hadn't been sprayed with cappuccino. All Vincent managed was a vague, offhandish
"Oh she is, is she?". Paul smiled and waited. Four seconds passed before a mouthful of frothy milk flew past his ear onto his notebook. "She?!?!"
"Aye" said Paul, smiling "She's very, very good. Has a hell of a shot. They call it 'Harroyacey's Rocket'*
"Hah!" replied Vincent. "Haha! So the Bears are a team of hot fillies hey? We should roll over them easily! Show me a picture of the young dear will you old chap?"
"Thats her there, and she's not a deer". Vincent scanned the screen. He frowned. "I wouldn't even call her a dear if I were you, Vincent".
"Where is she?" Vincent asked, frowning more.
"What do you mean 'Where is she?', she's there, beside that tree"
"...I don't see her"
"There!" Paul pointed to the bear. Vincent stared in interest.
"Well, I dare say she won't be giving our lot too much trouble!"
"Why d'you say that, Vincent?"
"Poor girl's been eaten by that bear!" Paul said nothing. "Fat blighter's obviously taken her clothes off first by the look of things."
"Because the bear's wearing them?"
"Of course. Damn strange thing for a bear to do hey Paul? Well if she'll be playing against us that won't pause any forseeable problem! If the whole team has been pre-digested by a group of ravenous beasts then we'll walk over them easily!". Paul gave him a pointed look. "Quite literally!" Vincent continued. Paul maintained his look. Vincent started singing.
"If you go down to the woods today, you're sure for a big surprise! If you go down to the woods today, you're in for a big surprise!" Paul tried to stop him, but Vincent wanted to finish his song. "'cos THE WOODS ARE FULL OF RAVENOUS BEARS! THEY'LL EAT YOU WHOLE FROM TOENAILS TO HAIR! And that the day you're thrashed by Silexhera!". Paul grimaced. Vincent opened his mouth again but Paul was quicker.
"Vincent you utter moron. LOOK. This is a PICTURE of a FOOTBALLER. It says so in the caption here. This is a picture from a football magazine, it is unlikely to be carrying stock pictures of bears!". Vincent's frown returned. Paul made a heavy sigh. "Do you not think it strange that the caption says 'Harroya Redwood giving herself some fitness training, Melchester, BA'? Are you an utterly thick headed git?" Paul was angry with embarrassment. Silexherans, for all their ignorance about world affairs, were usually very open minded people. The thought that the national team would be welcoming twenty-two bears into the country would shock them, but after a day they'd get over it and accept them. It was usually easy like that. Some people were too moronic to win over though. Vincent was one of them. He was opening and closing his mouth like an asphyxiating mouse.
"She's a bear! They're all bears! Bears! Intelligent, yes! Strong, yes! Skillful, yes! Humans, NO! They're bears! Why can't you understand that?" Paul made another heavy sigh. Vincent looked like he was about to foam at the mouth.
"They can't field a team of bears! Look at the size of it!"
"Her"
"Whatever! It must be seven feet tall!"
"She is around that height yes, probably, give or take a few inches here and there. Probably near twenty stone too, maybe more maybe less, like I said I don't know yet."
"This is an outrage! Why they could maul one of our poor boys!"
"Did any Liventian players do that?" Paul asked.
"Well no of cour.."
"Did you see any Stargate Centurion players viciously attack one of our guys?"
"Well no but they're..."
"So why would a Bears Armed player? They've got their own country, their own football team, they're famous for their politeness, peacefulness and intelligence, apart from their number four who'd give Gopher Sporaskid a good game in a 'miss the point' contest"
"But they're bears!" Vincent wailed
"And how many people do you know that have been killed by bears?"
"Aha!" proclaimed Vincent, his 'winning the argument' face fixed up on a millisecond. "My uncle Roger's tennis partner's dog's ex-owners wife!"
"Yes?"
"She'd heard of a few people being mauled by a bear!"
"The same one?"
"Probably"
"So that's one. One. And that's probably not a true story."
"Well it might be but it goes to prove..." Vincent was stopped in his tracks again -
"...nothing. So one bear, a wild bear I might add, may have killed one or more people. Now. How many people can you think of that have been killed..."
"Mm hmm?"
"..by humans."
Vincent's frown returned and looked like it was here to stay. Paul shut down his computer. He got up and turned to Vincent, who's face was white with rage.
"I'm off to have my tea. You sit back and have a nice long think about why you're such a klutz, there's a good man". Paul left the room. He was careful to mutter the word 'tosser' as he left. It was a habit that formed quickly in the colleagues and acquaintances of Vincent Wogan.

It might be the gap in rankings, it might be the lack of experience on the world stage, or it might be that Achtervolging thought they played in Urna Eletrônica on matchday 2.

By the time they reached the pitch in Candelaria And Marquez they were already losing 1-0. With most players running onto the pitch still attempting to tie their boots the deficit increased to two nil.

Entering the second half dressed and rested from not playing a full half of football yet the Lions managed a quick strike from the kick-off with Aurelio Prats firing a scorcher past the outstretched keeper. The lack of experience reared its ugly head for the remainder of the match as Candelaria And Marquez put on a clinic for the Lions netting 2 more goals before full-time.

Final reasons for the mix-up in travel arrangements have not been released, but manager Anjema said someone's looking into it. "It's not that we got lost on our way here, it's that we went to the completely wrong place. Someone needs to pay for this." Blame went from the flight scheduler at the FAA to the pilot, and all the way to reporters.

"We read in the news our next match was in Urna Eletrônica, and we planned accordingly," stated a spokesperson for the FAA. "Our national team program is still in it's infancy and funding for things like fax machines or internet access for emailing is not yet available to acquire our international schedules."

The FAA is calling for the government to reprimand the various media outlets and possibly take sanctions and force better reporting standards. No word from the government yet as to what course of actions they'll take.

The Lions are now 0-3 versus Candelaria And Marquez, and if things continue the way they are, it appears Achtervolganians will be waiting for the next cup to make the final rounds proper.

But one thing is for (un)sure, this reporter doesn't quite know where he's headed for tomorrow's match.

Jeruselem Government News

Princesses fight back from Qutar assault

World Cup 46, match day 2. The Islands of Qutar were on the verge of upsetting 17th ranked Jeruselem but failed. Jeruselem, still recovering from the death of King Richard I, went to Qutar with heavy hearts.

The Islands of Qutar took advantage of a distracted Jeruselem, laying siege to the Jeruselem goal. The young defense fought hard to kept out the raiders but conceded two goals as Oksana Ferris was sent off for dissent against a harsh penalty and Rococo Sallad got targeted as the weakest player in defense. The Princesses were 2-0 down and things were looking bleak. Oksana Ferris is a farm girl, which aren't known for their subtle language.

Instead of defending, Jeruselem went on the attack. Despite being a 40 year old and still suffering from last effects of a recent flu, Princess Marie lead the way. Marie ran with the ball down the length of the field, to show the locals she wasn't just a pretty face. Her finishing didn't let her down either. This changed the game's momentum as the Princesses surged forward to claim the game.

Veteran Sally Kool, who recently gave birth to twins, fed a pass to Swinda Piggy who scored the equaliser. This was after Nikki Seabourne hit the post twice and Obama was denied a goal for an offside position.

Influenza Aye, who'd done little for most of the game, struck like the flu. He latched into a Marie pass and scored the winning goal with minutes on the clock to spare. Jeruselem almost scored again but the ref called offside when Marie seemed in line with Qutar defense.

Jeru FC recovered from it's loss to them crazy Han. Midfielder Kaye scored the only goal of the game to down Quintessence of Dust. The Quoddites looked like being the better team but failed to take advantage of their chances.

Ryan Greenly's home team Qazox put down Yelda 3-2 at home while Newmanistan went down 0-1 again, this time to the Macabees who aren't Jewish nor Jewish rebels. Other Group 7 jewbees Milchama had trouble with a 1 ALL with the all girl team from Cassadaigua.

Primer I: Gender (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14718557&postcount=34)

A Primer on Norwellian Social Customs for Footballers and International Fans

Part II: Housecats

Having covered the issue of gender identity in Norwellia, we here at the NWFA feel it important to help our international guests navigate the other unique circumstances of interacting with our people during this stressful and exciting time, the first qualifying stage for the World Cup. One peculiar aspect of our national culture which our office fields a lot of questions about is the Norwellian's unusual relationship with the common cat.

Felis catus is well known to many other cultures, but it is a particularly revered and respected species here in Norwellia. It is estimated that housecats account for up to 40% of the nation's meager level of meat consumption; major streets and side alleys alike are awash with swarms of the animals; and cat-related allergies are almost completely unknown outside of the Republic's substantial immigrant population. These, among other facts about cats in Norwellian culture, will surprise many of our visitors.

In Norwellian English--and Norwellian Spanish, where the preferred term is gato de casa--the species is commonly referred to as "housecat" not because people own them as pets, but because wandering cats are welcomed into most homes as short- and long-term guests on a fluid, continuous basis across the country every day. While many Norwellians consider it immoral to trap a cat within an indoor area (except to protect it from the conditions outside), cats wander in and out of most homes freely. Many cats have favorite homes, where they particularly enjoy the food and beverages offered them and they may have formed a special bond with the residents. Unless specifically directed otherwise, however, it is a faux pas to prevent these cats from leaving the house, or to chase them and bring them back in the event that they should. Norwellians find the freedom of "their" cats symbolic of the national politics, whose motto might as well be "Live and Let Live". They will be shocked if you imply that any humans "own" the cats, in contrast to other cultures, where it may be considered an essential part of houseguest etiquette to help the residents prevent their cats from escaping.

http://www.vetadventure.com/contentimages/Feeding_cats.JPG
A Dancougar fan feeding cats near an Oceanside general store

While housecats are revered in Norwellian political symbolism as intrepid explorers and as strong, brave, forward-looking optimists, the feeding and care of cats with whom one does not share a personal bond is considered symbolic of the society's dedication to social welfare. As such, these practices are fairly ritualized in the national etiquette. You will be expected to allow all wandering housecats free passage into your place of residence, even if staying in a hotel room, although this is more optional if there is already at least one cat inside. You will be considered criminally negligent and possibly prosecuted if you fail to offer food and drink to any housecat which you allow into your living quarters; a small bowl of cheap cat food and a small bowl of tap water will suffice, although you will be looked upon kindly if you offer the cats fresh meat and milk.

Feeding cats while you are out and about doing the business of the day is an optional pastime for children, but practically required for adults, from an etiquette perspective. If a particular cat follows you on the street, you will be expected to procure a small amount of cat food at your earliest convenience and offer it to her. It helps to carry a pocket pack of cat treats, to avoid having to make otherwise-unnecessary trips to general stores and pet supply shops. If you dine out at a Norwellian restaurant, the relevant rules of courtesy are even more strict: you will be expected to offer at least a small portion cut out or broken off of your meal to the first cat which approaches your table. Alternately, most restaurants will allow you to buy the cat a small bowl of food or a treat.

Cat allergies are unknown among the local-born population of the People's Republic, because near-constant exposure to cat dander allows all Norwellians to become accustomed to the allergens as small children. The concept of cat allergies is confusing to most native Norwellians, but as an international footballer or visiting fan, you will luckily be visiting Oceanview, a city which claims Norwellia's largest immigrant population, where an understanding of foreign issues like this is more common. Most hotels and pet supply stores will offer their customers a small amount of free allergy medication for just this purpose, and the medicine will be cheap (even by Norwellian standards) in general stores and pharmacies due to low demand.

Look for Part III of the PNSCFIF at concessions stands and stadium-area hotels soon!

Fromburg Free Press
World Cup 46 Coverage

A tougher than expected 3-2 win over Yelda today, as the Pheonix evened their record at 1-0-1. Two goals from Angel Kenworthy, in the 27th and 42nd minutes gave Qazox a 2-0 lead at the half. But Yelda came out kicking in the 2nd half, scoring in the 58th and 67th minutes to tie it up at 2-2. But a 82nd minute goal from Matilda Swords gave the Pheonix the 3-2 lead and the victory.

Qazox now heads on the for two games next week the first at Starblaydia on Monday, then a trip to Dariusville on Wednesday afternoon. Qazox needs to win at least one of the two to remain in contention to qualify for the World Cup.


THE Fromburg Free Press PRESENTS
The 9th Biggest Moment/Event
in Black Oxen/Pheonix Footballing History

Date: June 5th, 1880
Location: Rejistania
Event/Moment: Qazox' first ever international game and win.
Other Nation involved: Atheistic Right.
Result: QAZOX 1-0 WIN.

Reprint of event from National Archives:

QAZOX DAILY NEWS
We won our 1st ever international match earlier today against the atheistic right. the lone goal was scored by Andrew Mason in the 75th minute. the match was mostly played in the midfield between the two evenly matched teams. every attack was countered and every counter attack was re-countered. in the 75th minute Andrew Mason recieved a pass from his twin brother Anthony Mason and blasted it by the Atheistic's Keeper Eagle for the only goal of the match.

Goals:
Andrew Mason (1)
...

Griffinville Gazette

Lecland might be asking themselves, Who let the Dogs out? after a 4-0 thrashing by the Canines last night here in Griffinville. 2 goals each from Growler, a 2 yr old Golden Retriever; and Frank, provided enough of a treat for the hometown fans. Off to an 2-0-0 start, Prux is preparing to travel on the road for the first time. And a note to all our opponents, YES the dogs have all their rabies shots and other vaccinations and they are not being mistreated in anyway. The trip to Arroza will be on Tuesday.

THE ROCKET REPORT

POST-MCALLISTER ROCKETS STRUGGLING

The Macabees- Put aside the fact that this loss to The Macabees is going to make qualifying more difficult. Do away with the jokes that now that the first two games of qualifying are over, Newmanistan officially begins their qualifying campaign now. After the team was handed their second consecutive 1-0 loss, we really must wonder if the team is spending too much time looking for Jeremy McAllister. Sure, J-Mac is on the sideline as the assistant, and he seems to be doing a good enough job with Nelson Yaschter and fellow assistant Mark McCafferty. The team has had four years to prepare for life without McAllister, who had played in all 180 international games of ours since Baptism of Fire 27, and they felt that they would transition just fine. After all, the starting pair up front couldn’t be drawn up any better. You would have Jennifer Vilardi, who’s been on the team since World Cup 41 although did not start regularly until World Cup 44. Then you have young Matthew Turner, seen by many as being our future scoring leader. All while Junior, the great J-Mac’s son, is on the sideline as a substitute. Junior would soak in the World Cup 46 experience, get occasional playing time, and by the time World Cup 47 came around, he would start beside Matthew Turner as this is probably Jennifer Vilardi’s last qualifying campaign.

In Springfield, sits Brett Carlson, who led the NPL in goals this past season. Due to his run in with Nelson Yaschter, Carlson was not included on the World Cup 46 roster, despite being second to the senior McAllister in all-time goals scored for the national team. Though no one really questioned his exclusion from the World Cup team since Carlson’s attitude his well-documented, and he doesn’t seem to get along with any of his teammates, you must wonder how the Rockets would be doing if he were in the lineup. Carlson had no problem in Springfield, where he worked up front with a prolific goal-scorer in Stacie Kerrigan, from Cassadaigua. They clicked well as a unit, and it didn’t matter to Brett that Stacie got more positive media attention. If Carlson had been included on this team, it wouldn’t mean that we necessarily would have goals on the board, but Newmanistanian fans aren’t used to not scoring. When we lose, it’s supposed to be 3-2 or something. Not back to back 1-0's. Maybe Brett Carlson would have used his “second chance” for the good of the team. It’s all water under the bridge at this point, but it’s very obvious that Nelson Yaschter didn’t put enough time preparing the team for it’s post-McAllister, the senior one, days. Some will say the solution to this will be to start Junior, but I assure you that will only compound the problem. You don’t solve the problem of transitioning from one great player to another by saying, hey, that #20 in the McAllister jersey will be our answer. Maybe Junior would do some great things, but if he did not, then his confidence could be severely damaged. That is not worth it at this point.

Transitions do not need to be difficult. After all, the back end is doing just fine without Jeremy Brooker, who was just as valuable to this team. Brooker anchored the defense for 179 games, only missing one game from Baptism of Fire 27 forward. If only Brian Carson didn’t decide to rest him in our final Baptism of Fire group stage game which was extremely meaningless. Scott LaFave and Alex Lampert, the veterans, have played very well, and the youngsters in the middle, Shawn Loughran and Robert Selvy have been outstanding. In goal, our necessary transition was well documented, as all three goalkeepers who had been on our last two World Cup rosters had retired, creating an open competition for the job. Jason Hargrove won the job and has done a great job. Neither of these losses can be blamed on him. So by that token then, using the word “transition” can be more of an excuse then an explanation.

It’s only been two games, two games in which we are historically not used to winning. Now it is time for the Rockets to take off and take command of a top two spot. A win over Yafor 2 will do this, and it must happen. Before, maybe we could have said it wouldn’t be bad if we lost or drew the match, but we must make amends for this poor start. Yafor 2 has played well in their opening two games, but that can’t matter. This game must be about the Rockets and it’s time for the team to show the World, and most importantly, us at home, that they are a team capable of qualifying for the World Cup.

Akbarabad get their first win.

(Akbarabad press, AP): The Akbarabad national team won their firstworld cup qualifying campaign game in a scrappy affair against lower ranked Phillips Island. A single Samin Akbar goal just after half time was all that seperated the two teams. The team should ideally have won the game by a higher margin considering the fact that it was a home game agaisnst a lower ranked side with goal difference possibly being crucial in determaining the qualifiers. Still, in the end three points are three points.
Samin Akbar (47)

MILLIONAIRES FEAST ON LEMETEL SOUP

The Progression Soups Company was proud to be the primary sponsor of this home game, and they would provide vouchers for all of our fans to receive a free can of soup. In addition, they had several promotions during the game in which fans could enter a contest to win a lifetime supply of their soups. It was the largest venture ever for the company, who’s advertising budget is generally conservative. Todd Morris, the CEO of Progression Soups explains, “We’ve tended to stay away from sporting events because the costs associated with this advertising can get really high. We’ll be content with limiting ourselves to a 30-second spot for time to time. Let’s face it, the sporting fan market isn’t generally the same kind of people that goes out and purchases soup. But when we saw the teams participating, we knew right away there would be two countries in which could get our product on the minds of the people. The first being Dave Campbell, and we were a little concerned about our rival being interested in that one. Then Lemetel, Lentil soup, you know, perhaps with a lemony taste. We thought we would have fun, and the fans seemed to enjoy it.” They did, and it’s a good thing, because if not for Progression Soups, this match would have been a sleeper. Even though we have seen many examples through our participation in World Cup qualifying where there is no such thing as an automatic win, this was a game that we could not afford to lose (in more ways then one), and it would be a game that there would be no excuse for it. This is what made the first half of the contest frustrating to many. Secristan dominated possession, but always seemed to make a mess of it whenever they approached the goal. They got a few shots on target with Kevin Tucker the most effective player wearing the green and gold, but none of these shots seemed to trouble a keeper that was looking to carry his nation to an improbable victory. Since the game was scoreless heading into halftime, this had all the makings of being one of “those” games. Meaning, that game that you dominate as a favorite, but you allow the underdog to remain in the game, and the longer the underdogs thinks that they can pull off an upset, the more likely that upset becomes. Lemetel seemed to be following that very theme, as they began to get more confidence and start to create more opportunities for themselves. Fortunately, Brian Carver, who did not see a lot of work in the first half, was ready for their scoring chances in the second half. With nothing on the scoreboard but zeroes and time winding down, Ryan Fullerton took out both Michael Cardona and Kevin Tucker in exchange for James Rogan and Kevin Walker. The two 36-year olds have been our best scoring duo, but because of their age, they are merely substitutes this time. Rogan can still run, and he showed his skill. Immediately, the Millionaires got the momentum back, and in the 84th minute, we finally took the lead as the two veterans created the play, and Rogan finished. Lemetel was deflated and never mounted a comeback bid, and at the end we get the three points that we were supposed too.

The Secristan Department of Sports expected this game to be a dud on the schedule in terms of purchases of the pay-per-view telecast, and that’s exactly what it was. According to the SDOS, 68% of the people that did watch this match were the people that had purchased the entire qualifying package at the beginning, and there was little interest to watch this game as a single entity. The SDOS did say that there were many more people that simply opted to purchase only the second half, instead of the entire game then we traditionally see. At the stadium, the average bid price per seat was a mere 11R. A very low, but not surprising number. Purchases for the next match against Opereta are expected to be somewhat better, since the team is on the road. Katie Simpson tells us that the SDOS is not concerned, “This was pretty much expected. We did greatly exceed the amount of purchases for the entire package, and we anticipated that those purchases would incorporate most of our biggest soccer fans that would care about the match against Lemetel and not be able to make it to the stadium. A similar story is expected for the Opereta game, but it was expected and therefore, budgeted for.”

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Scott Davis never drew a warm response when he went into the Centralia Police Department, but he decided that he would make an effort to get the charges dropped on Shaina’s boyfriend. Shaina accompanied him into the police station, much to the surprise of the same receptionist who had treated her so rudely. Davis did not give the receptionist an opportunity to greet them.

“Get me Dennis (police chief), now!” he ordered. “Um, I am sorry sir, Mr. Dennis is busy right now” replied the receptionist. “Bullshit. Get me him now, otherwise I have all day. I will just stand here the entire time, and that TV can be for public use. Shaina, go turn that on some of that music you like until Mr. Dennis arrives.”

The receptionist got up and tried to play it off. “Let me see if he is done with his client.” Not coincidentally, she returned with Mr. Dennis less then two minutes later.

“Good morning, sir, we have some business to discuss.”

“Do we, Scott? And why did you bring her?” asked the Chief.

“It seems as though her boyfriend is in custody for what I realize is a serious offense.”

“Yes, he is. Why do you have a problem with that?” asked the Chief, confused.

“I need to do a favor for this young lady because she has helped me with a project. She told me about her boyfriend and I was here to propose that instead of me mentioning the prostitute a deputy was caught with, plus the fact that the department funded her hotel stay for two weeks, but never charged the deputy with anything and you are hiding all this under the table, that we will call it even and her boyfriend will receive the same treatment and have the charges dropped on him.” Davis proposed with a sly grin, knowing that the chief would not be happy that he knew about the deputy and the prostitute.

The Chief sighed, he could not let this get in the presses. “How did you find out about that?”

“My friend mentioned something about a room she cleaned. Housekeepers can discover interesting things that guests leave behind, you know. There’s something else too, but I won’t mention that right now. So, about her boyfriend?”

“Scott, I can’t do that. Jamal Williams is a menace to society. He fired a gun in public, nearly hitting a seven-year old girl. He is a known gangster with a long criminal history. He’s also being held for crack possession, and the possession of stolen items. If we are going to negotiate, that’s fine, but it will not concern Williams.” Replied Dennis.

Davis held up a finger for the police chief to give him a few minutes to speak with Shaina. The two walk outside. “You didn’t tell me about that other stuff. I’m sorry, but if all that is true, then you’re boyfriend needs to remain in jail. I’ve made a living bringing justice to the city of Centralia despite rampant corruption, and if I allow someone like him to be free, then I am no better then the corrupt people I expose. You’re a bright lady who can do better then some thug. He’s going to be in jail for a long time, and he needs to be. You were not honest with me, and if you are going to have credibility you need to be honest with those who are on your side.” Davis told Shaina in an angry tone of voice. Shaina, trying to hold back a tear, could simply say, “If I did you wouldn’t have come here.”

Davis walked back into Dennis’ office, “I must apologize. She didn’t tell me about all of that. She just admitted that it is true to me, so I apologize for mentioning it. I won’t say anything about the prostitute if you don’t mention this.” Dennis grinned, he liked the fact that he had his adversary pinned into a corner, “That and no negative stories on us for six months. If something bad comes out within that time, you will put a positive spin on it in our favor. I could arrest you for the bribe offer.” Realizing that, Davis accepted. He had no choice. He left the building with Shaina.

“Shaina, I have a question for you. How come when you first saw the opportunity to make money, you’re first thought was to bail someone out of jail? If there was to be money involved here, why wouldn’t you want to use it to better yourself? Don’t answer that. But think about it. Now, we must continue on the plan to get you to Southport. I assume you are still willing to this?” Davis asked. Shaina nodded. “Good, meet me here at 11am tomorrow, we’ll do lunch, and then get you on a 2:30 flight. It’s essential that we get this evidence that this doctor and SAPCO freely prescribes HGH. Or else, we won’t have enough on McAllister.”

Shaina nodded and returned home. She was thinking about Scott said. Why was her first thought bailing out her boyfriend? She never approved of his gang involvement, and tried to get him to stop even though she knew that the gang would retaliate if Jamal did try to leave. The stolen property? Well, they never realized that her giant big-screen TV was stolen, as was the gold chain around her neck. They were nice, but she began to wonder what it would be like if she could actually buy this stuff with her own money. Just as she was having these thoughts, the phone rang.

“Hello.”

“Shaina? It’s me, Sarah, you know from Channel 5.”

“Hi Sarah.”

“I was wondering if you wanted to hang out, just us without the guys again, since I know tomorrow is the big day. And uhmm, I’ve been thinking.”

“What is it?”

“Well I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I just think, well, if we expose McAllister, there’s gotta be a book deal for you, right? I’d love to write it. We could both make money, split the profits. What do you think?”

Shaina paused. Now she realized how people like her made money off their discoveries. The book deals. She liked Sarah, and felt she could trust her. In a way, she began to feel that this was fate, the two of them meeting, especially with the way it came about. “Sure. I’d love too.”

“Nalanakala?”

“Eh?”

“You must try one, Joshua Harris. They are nutritious and delicious. A fanfare for the tongue, yes? A traditional foodstuff of sporting occasions.”

“Eh…” Joshua shrugged and waved a hand vaguely towards his right, eventually finding the tub and drawing out a handful of the offending items. With his eyes remaining fixed on the pitch, he popped one experimentally into his mouth and chewed.

“Mm… Yeah. Shortoff… mm… like jelly babies…”

Keikea frowned. “You ingest your young?”

“Hm? Mm, yeah. Why not. I like the black ones, meself.”

“You really are an odd species…”

“Takes one to know one, pixie… Um?”

“Um?”

“Is it… supposed to… wriggle?

“Naturally. Why would one wish to eat carcasses?”

Joshua risked a glance at the fat black maggot writhing gently in his palm. “Cool.”

Strictly speaking, the boy knew, he must have been told all this already. He’d spent weeks among them, as a captive, the snatching of small blond children appearing to have been a major vice of the Kolan throughout the years. He’d lived in their realm, he could remember… no. No, he couldn’t. It was blank, or at least a blur, and he was grateful for that.

He could remember the dances, though. A little. Somehow, he knew they hadn’t been quite like this. Faster, more furious… less in the way of thigh-slapping.

“What are they doing?”

“Aino told me they were trying to gain any advantage possible, after the failure at Jeruselem,” the faerie whispered. “They must learn the ways of Men, he says, before the team can find true success against them.”

“So they’ve got their own Raiigar?” Joshua scoffed. “Yeah, that’ll work… You got any more of them maggots going?”

Keikea proffered him the tub. “Help yourself. Cherish them, though. We shall never go home any, Leohi says. And once our supplies have been exhausted…”

“You’ll have to eat Candelariasian nom?”

The creature shuddered, and squinted. “I cannot see… What do your eye-mirrors suggest they are doing now?”

“Shaking hands with yer auntie. It’s ceremonial,” Joshua added, “Some dignitary or whatnot gets introduced to the players first, before the kick-off… She’s, um… Holding their hands rather tightly… And looking into their eyes a bit…”

“She does that quite a lot… That is why she is Queen. She is possessed of power the likes of which even we of the nobility can only dream…”

“Yeah,” Joshua nodded, hastily readjusting his grip on the nearest branch as the boys’ tree shook in the wind. “She, uh… Wouldn’t be trying to… influence them, in any way, would she?”

“The West Newmanistanians?” The faerie turned to the Candelariasian with genuine shock at the suggestion. “Absolutely not! That would profoundly go against everything we believe in!”

“Definitely count as godmodding, aye…”

“In any case, it is unnecessary! I mean no offence, Joshua Harris, but a human team would always… this tree is a little unsteady, is it not?… would always fall to a heavy defeat against our own… under normal conditions at least. We would not need to manipulate them!”

The sound of the referee’s whistle blew from the battered old stadium and up into the surrounding trees where the boys were perched. They sat in silence for a time, as Andrew Seymour and Thomas Morelock passed the ball awkwardly between each other for a while, giving for all the world the impression that they’d never played the sport before and were somewhat uncertain as to who they actually were.

After some three minutes of this, Mama appeared to get bored and nick the ball off one of the unfortunate West Newmanistanians. Keikea clapped politely. The Kolani midfielder skipped into the box and planted the ball past Sean Morrison, who was sat in a corner making daisy chains. The crowd clapped politely. Keikea clapped politely.

“GETTIIIIN!!!! GWAN YA!!!!”

“Are you having some manner of fit?” the faerie asked with genuine concern as Joshua climbed back up several branches and brushed away a few stray leaves.

“I’m celebrating, Cake. It’s what you do. What we do, anyway. You’d think you lot could get a bit more excited.” He waved a hand to encompass the stadium laid out in front of them. “It’s like an Albrecht Turkish home game out there…”

Keikea beamed. “My aunt and uncle would be most proud if they could hear you now, Joshua Harris! We can learn from you, I realise that now! You will have an honoured role in our new society of Gordon Bay City! All you humans shall. You can teach us so many thin–”

“YAAAARN!!! GWAAARN, ABBY!!!!”

“YAAAAAAH! GETTIINN!!!! Er,” the faerie paused, “What are we celebrating? They have not scored again.”

“Eh? Oh. No. Um.” Joshua pointed to his ears and grinned bashfully. “Got the C&M game on, on me headphones… Abdul Ibadulla’s just put them two-up, and they’ve only played like five minutes! Don’t think the other side’ve turned up yet, really, but… Can you stop looking at me like that?”

Down below, Pomola thumped in a second goal against West Newmanistan. The Candelariasian boy glanced towards the pitch.

“Um… yay?”

“This is how your repay our generosity? We permit you to take a place as member of the fourth ikai of Gordon Bay City society, we allow you to live amongst us, to learn from our wisdom, our fairness, our lore! Have you any idea what nothings you are compared to us?! That you are merely allowed to survive in our presence, you are blessed beyond all that you deserve! We have protected your kind, cosseted you, loved you, for so many decades! And yet you would rather waste your brief existences following the dismal efforts of your ‘Big Blues’ than gaze for a second upon the glory of the Kolan at play!?”

“You missed another goal just then.”

“Don’t you DARE speak to me in that manner, manthing!” Keikea screamed, lunging forward and wrenching the headphones from the Candelariasians’ head and flinging the little radio high into the air. “You shall suffer for this, mortal. I shall see to it!”

And in a moment, he was gone; clambering down the tree and leaving the boy biting his lip. Down below, Pomola struck a fourth goal against the baffled Newmanistanians. Joshua sighed, pulled a scrunched concertina of paper out of his pocket, and let it drift away in the wind; the handwritten GO GBC!! slogan flapping off into the evening sky.

***

“Oh, one other thing, Aino,” Mark Baker muttered cheerfully, as he scraped absently at the mildew that had successfully colonised the walls of the Richmond Park home dressing room over recent weeks and had recently won semi-autonomy, “When you went down under that challenge, yeah? Try not to roll about so much, can you? I know that what the chap on the videos I gave you did, but it ain’t convincing. Just stay down and clutch yer owie, most refs’re far more likely to buy… Are you alright?”

Mark plodded across the vacated dressing room and poked his head into the showers. “Aino… Put down the scissors, there’s a good ma… er… male faerie.”

The creature turned around, his eyes red with tears. “I am failing so utterly, Mark Baker!”

“No, no, that’s a bit harsh on yourself…”

“I am! I am unworthy of the name of nobleman!”

“Lad… You scored that lovely fifth goal! Fifth! There are teams that don’t score five in their entire sporting careers!”

“It was five-one! We could not even keep a sanitary sheet!”

“Hey, hey, hey… Come now… That hardly matters. Do I look angry? Do I look upset with that result?”

“You were…”

“It was a soft goal to concede, aye. But that was Kuana’s fault, if anyone’s. We’ll work on it. It’s certainly not your fault, in any case! You did well!

“I am the captain! Their failures are my own! The others, they shall punish me, I know it!”

“The other lads and lasses will think the same as I do, kid. You’re a good captain, they all think that…”

“I was not referring to my fellow players,” Aino said darkly.

Mark sighed. “Alright… We best be getting on to Cassadaigua nice and sharpish then, eh? See if we can’t go and win ten-nil there. Have a tissue.”

“‘nk you,” Aino sniffed, and blew hard. The manager patted him on the back, and watched him leave.

“Jesus Christ,” Mark muttered to himself as he safely pocketed the scissors. “What the hell are they going to do to us when we lose…?”

Meghan’s Space

The most popular question I was asked by reader e-mail was whether or not I think this is a good draw or a bad draw. Many readers gave their opinions on this, with people on each side presenting good arguments. My answer is simply, we really do not know right now. Yes, that kind of a response can be seen as a cop-out, but it we won’t really know until we get closer to the end of qualifying. The “glass is half full” crowd eagerly points out that going into Milchama and picking up a point will go a long way at the end, since they are said to be one of the two teams that we are going to need to bypass in order to qualify. Then the pessimists point to it as squandered opportunity when we really could have knocked Milchama in a large hole. Now, we only have them one point behind us, and we still have yet to win. One thing that both crowds seem to be doing is writing off the chances of Gordon Bay City and The Islands of Qutar, despite both of those nations having a quick start. Because of their rankings, they aren’t going to be contenders, is what many think. Not so fast, folks! Let’s remember that four years ago we were the 5th-overall ranked team in our group in a format where the top three qualified. We found our way win by winning the games we were supposed too while picking up a few upset points, if you will. You could say that The Islands of Qutar are doing the same thing. Their win over Milchama was blown was seen as an opportunity for us, which it is, but we also have to concern ourselves with those Islands, as we will with Gordon Bay City. After all, they just destroyed a team that we could only draw. They are our next two opponents, and we can not be looking forward to the Jeruselem match at all. Against Milchama, who I’m sure you all remember were one of the three teams that we played in the World Cup Proper last time, we played pretty well. A little bit of tension in the early stages when I exchanged shoves with one of their midfielders, but the referee decided not to book either of us. I thought he should have been sent off for this tackle on Jennifer Lowry at the time, but now that I have had a chance to see the replay, I guess it wasn’t as bad as I thought. As you know, both goals came in the second half, with them scoring first in the 68th minute. Michelle Garrett was pretty upset with herself after the goal because she thought she should have gotten to the shooter and prevented the shot quicker, but she couldn’t. We did answer about ten minutes later, they call it the 79th, when Erika Daniels coolly slid one between the legs of their keeper to get the equalizer. Other then the goals, we saw a lot of play at midfield in this match, and it was a physically draining contest.

We kick off our home portion of qualifying next with a game against the nation of Gordon Bay City. Yes, this is a country and not a city. It’s out by Candelaria And Marquez, which makes our planned ceremony a little ironic. Courtney Ferguson will have her #11 jersey officially retired in a ceremony that will take place before the game. All the not presently active members of all former national teams of ours will be on hand for the festivity. I cannot give away what we will be doing for her, or what will be given to her yet, but it is truly going to be a special event. Courtney played from Baptism of Fire 30 through the World Cup Proper as our only senior team captain before retiring. After several strong seasons here in Cassadaigua, she was transferred to Tenderville United in Nethertopia which then became part of the league in Candelaria And Marquez. She had a great career before retiring, and now coaches a team in Quintessence of Dust after having received a couple of other coaching offers, mostly for assistant positions. It is really an honor to be the one that replaced Courtney as captain, and I will never forget everything that she has done for me. Most of it was making me a better player and person off the field, and I hope that I have become that. Furthermore, it is something that I hope I can pass along to future players who represent Cassadaigua. It should be a great ceremony, and hopefully the game that follows will be just as glorious and end in three points for the home team.

Jeruselem Government News

Jerusalem city in lock down for King's funeral

Following the big game Jeruselem vs Milchama at Dazza Dallas Stadium, the official funeral of King Richard I of Jeruselem will be held. Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas said the late king didn't too much fuss over this death and wanted to have a funeral soon after the event.

There will be extra security at Dazza Dallas stadium where the two big Jewbee teams meet. On paper, Milchama are favourite being the higher ranked team but Jeruselem's record at Dazza Dallas Stadium is quite imposing. They rarely lose although they seem get a lot of draws.

The Jeruselem team will not wear it's normal pink and blue strip but a special team strip for the King's funeral. Naked News Jeruselem will also be there to cover the game and funeral. It's not hard to find their news reporters.

When asked why hold the funeral right after a football game, Princess Marie said
"Well, funerals are boring. Even royal funerals. We though a World Cup game against Milchama might brighten up the day. We kept the funeral simple because the King wanted it that way. The coronation of his son has to be elaborate and complicated because ... that's the way the Pope wants it so we're going do to that later. Anyway, you have football game first since the funeral take longer. Having a funeral first ruins the football game after."

Parts of city will be effectively locked down for the funeral but Dazza Dallas stadium will not be. Queen Kate will toss the coin at the game. The winner of the game gets the King Richard Cup but in event of a draw, both teams will be declared winners.

Security forces will be planted around the city in case of terrorist attack or civil unrest. Troublemakers will be detained without question and removed from public nuisance. The use of deadly force has been authorised should the safety of the public be threatened.

Milchamians should be aware of unusual circumstances for the day. Things will resume back to normal the following day. We encourage people to use public transport for the day and leave their cars at home. If you're not capable of moving around city by yourself without great difficulty, we encourage you stay at home and watch TV as it's going to be a crowded place. If you're taking the kids with you, make sure they don't stray and get lost.

If you're not interested in watching the funeral, stay home or go to work. Just stay out of the way of everyone else.

Natus'he arrested

Coach Dmitri Natus was arrested in Sike kali before the beginning of the match against Pasarga for dancing around the statue of Margaret on the Xentria Square wearing nothing but a fake moustache and a smile. While neither nudity nor carrying a rubber chicken was explicitely prohibited, the dance was considered a danger to the traffic and Natus'he himself. After the police confirmed his identity, he was not only let go, police blocked the place so he could dance without any problems.

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Real Players off to Real Bad Start

Yes that's right you might actually have seen the most recent Milchamian World Cup side in action as little as one week ago when Great Alexandria played the Norman Spartans but that doesn't mean the players are as good when that match up was being played a long time ago. At least as of right now that's what it looks like right now as those stars from the MFL are getting their butts kicked, maybe not very badly but still they aren't playing well.

The proud Milchama Warriors under the management of the astute Willy Timmons, the grandson of Billy Timmons, are not playing well. They only have 1 point from their first two games and nothing or nobody worth mentioning outside of left back Ithai Shamiel who scored the goal against Cas something or other, not Casari. (Yes we may be down but we're still arrogant arseholes)

They were lucky to get that goal off a corner kick because the rest of the game they were certainly outplayed and outhustled by that Cas team. It was the same story against Qutar, our guys looked visibly nervous. Maybe not knowing anybody who has played internationally has hurt our development. This may be a building World Cup before next time when we really go nuts and win. Also it might a take a couple of games for them to get settled, whatever it is, I certainly hope they figure out by next game.

You know who is up next game? Jeruselem and goddamn we better be ready, OR ELSE! If nothing else they are burying their king before the match and we should try to compound their sadness. Either that or punish the nation for not following Halacha and sitting Shivah after the death of, what we believe, was a most beloved Monarch.

Ricardo Wendell walked through the hallways of the Briangia private hospital in Peregrinus City. He looked stunning in his custom made suit and fancy sunglasses. But his face was out of tune with the rest of his appearance. The usual bright lad was deeply worried for his uncle. It had been several days since they had found him in the remains of Wendell mansion, miraculously alive. But the nine days without any food or water had taken all the strength out of the wealthiest man of Nethertopia. And now the doctor had called him about complications...

Ricardo arrived at his destination: Sam's room. Ricardo's dad was already there. A long standing feud between the two brothers had driven them apart, even as far as one brother moving to the neighbour's country. Gregory Wendell wasn't a magnate. He wasn't a tycoon. Gregory Wendell was an ordinary man, with a lovely Candelariasian wife, a grown up son and a house with a large backyard and a dog.

That described about everything.

Except for his son soon becoming one of the richest, powerful men of Rushmore. Ricardo knew that his dad and his uncle had a fight about how Sam turned into a snobbish elitist who went to his 'tennis lessons' for whole other reasons than tennis. That was years ago. Ricardo also knew that there was more behind it. A jealousy of brother rivalry that got out of hand. And the two never really came clean to each other until now.

Gregory looked up, to see his son. "I already talked to him, you should go inside before he loses consciousness," he said to his son. Ricardo nodded and opened the door to Sam's room.

God, Ricardo hated that room. Wide, white and bathing in light. It was so bright that it had a pleasant view over it. Something that was so out of tune that the irony seemed to glow from the room. And in the middle of it lay Sam Wendell, once a jovial, snobbish man with impressive belly. Now without the joy of life he once had, without his large figure and looking pale as a blanket. Sam faked a happy smile. He started to talk, but his voice was lacking strength and Ricardo had to bend over Sam's bed to hear what he had to say.

"Now then, Ricardo, you here as well? That's good."

"How are you, uncle Sam?"

"Doing fairly good, for the time being. Those complications will catch up with me, though."

"..."

Sam sighed and gave Ricardo a cranky look, making the billionaire look much more like the person he used to be. "Urgh... I know it sounds like a cliché, Ric, but I'm going to die soon. It had to happen once, had it? I always used to think it were those cigars that would kill me." Sam turned his head and looked Ricardo straight in the eyes, as if he was piercing his soul. "I've had a brilliant life, except for a few things that I regret. I wish I'd spent more time with my wife... And made up with your father a long time ago. Now look. My wife gets my whole private property and a lot of my personal back account money. But you've been studying economics and you're a bright kid. As well as my only relative with a heart for Marquez-Onwere."

Ricardo scowled. "Do we really need to talk about that?"

"Yes, we have. I'm going for the cliché once again, but I don't have much time left. Just make sure you'll run WendellCorp and Marquez-Onwere in the best way possible."

"You sure talk much for an ill person."

Sam smiled. "Well, I was never one to be quiet, wasn't I? I'm sure you've got a lot to do now, with my business. And I'd like my wife to annoy me some more with old anecdotes of before we'd got married."

The two were staring to each other in silence for another minute, before Ricardo was prepared to leave the room. He walked towards the door, but was interrupted by a question from Sam:

"Hey Ric, I haven't watched the telly yet. Tell me, what did the Falcons do?"

"Oh, err... They won 5-3. Hattrick from Joãio, Ricky scored once and so did Arnold Postman."

"That's... Great. Congratulate João from me."

"Yeah, I will, Sam." Ricardo walked out of the room, leaving Sam alone for a few seconds.

Then his wife stormed into the room. "Oh honey, I missed you! Are you still fine? Have they treated you right when I was away? Are you..."

Sam grinned, closed his eyes and drowned himself in the waterfall of words.

Yafor 2 confirms ranking

Yafor 2 is the highest ranked team in our group and they showed that to our defense by routing us by the score of 4-0. For a team that prides itself on defense this is almost an unacceptable result but maybe a bit understandable since Yafor 2 is one of the best teams in the world at #13 overall. Kordanin Ya’haan had a hat trick for our opponent who treated their home crowd to the result they expected to see. Jaria Soradrin also scored. Steroga did not get many chances at all until very late in the game when Yafor 2 was content with what they had done and were probably preparing for the next opponent. When tested the goalkeeper Storis made a couple of real nice saves. Even though this was an ugly loss coach Patel says that there will be no lineup changes for our next game which is against The Banten States. They pulled off a major upset by defeating Newmanistan so we better be ready for them. Coach Patel promises us they we will be prepared for this challenge.

"OKAY, MEDS AGAIN."
"What again?"
"YOUR MEDS DAVID. DRUGS."
"Oh yes, okay then."
"AND WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE FOOTBALL?"
"Well it was good. I enjoyed seeing us thrash those bastards."
"THAT'S A BIT ROUGH ISN'T IT?"
"No."
"OKAY THEN. WELL AS PROMISED WE HAVE THE SOMEWHEREISTONIA GAME. ANOTHER GOOD ONE."
"Good. Oh and did I have any mail?"
"NO DAVID."
"What?"
"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MAIL!!!111!1!!!!!oneELEVEN11!!!"
"Excellent."

I had enjoyed the 5-0 drubbing the boys inflicted on that unknown country. It made me quite proud to be honest, something I hadn't felt in a long time. I didn't watch any of our first world cup as I was far too bitter. I watched a little of the last one but was very disappointed when we didn't progress. This time I decided it was very stupid of me not to support the country I'm very proud of and my fellow football players. Of particular interest to me was the Theotokis brothers. George is currently playing for the club I debuted at and I had met Costa when he was playing for City many years ago, when I wasn't stuck in a wheelchair. That seemed an age ago for me now, stuck to watching recordings of the games. I miss the feeling of being on the sidelines for a City v Country game.

That reminds me, I had just gotten up to talking about my first Country v City game. It was the Peisandros Football Association's way of gathering more interest in football throughout the country. The city clubs weren't interested at the start, they saw themselves as above playing against a bunch of farmers, even though they were in many cases poorer than the country clubs. It took a few seasons, but when the incentive of money was introduced things changed very quickly and the game was confirmed. The PFA allocated head coaches and a selection panel for each side, with a two month period for the teams to be assembled. It was scheduled to take place near the end of the season, before playoffs began and luckily for me that year I was just reaching my peak.

I was playing for River Nektar and we had had a rough start to the season. We got pumped by several city teams who had started allowing friendly games against country teams to prepare their players for a possible City appearance. In the country competition we were faring okay, mid-table, with the hope of playoffs still alive. As soon as the game was finally confirmed, the competition became much fiercer as players pushed for what would be the first dose of representative football for any Sandrians. The City selectors announced an initial squad of 32 within a few weeks of scouting. They focused mainly on Olympia, Delphi and surprisingly Thasos. It was a strong initial squad and based on it's strength I wasn't too sure what my chances were for Country.

I was only 17, just one year out of school. As a left back I was quite small but very agile and had fantastic ball skills. My tackling was strong as it had needed much work playing against bigger, older boys at school. I had to learn how to use my smaller frame to win challenges. We had a huge friendly game against the giants of Olympiacos Utd, with both head scouts present and a massive crowd. Infact when the PFA saw how much interest the game garnered, it was then that the existing championship's format was changed. Anyway as expected the game was tough. But unexpected was the dirty nature of the City team. They came out with some horrible challenges that the referee refused to acknowledge. I was able to keep out of trouble for the first half, but we were down 2-0. It wasn't looking ideal, both winning the game and earning a Country call-up looking in doubt.

Then, as it tends to happen with football, thi --

"OKAY DAVID."
"What?"
"WE HAVE TO TURN THE LIGHTS OF NOW DAVID, PART OF THE NATIONAL ATTEMPT TO LOWER ELECTRICITY USAGE."
"But that's bullshit."
"SORRY DAVID, WE'RE JUST FOLLOWING PROCEDURE."
"I'm sure. Hey who does Peisandros play next?"
"THEY ARE PLAYING THEIR FIRST AWAY GAME, AT EDWARD CITY."
"That name rings a bell, who are they?"
"I'M NOT SURE DAVID, I DON'T KNOW THEM."
"Fine."


Schedule.
PQ Friendly:
@ Bears Armed 0-1.
Qualifying round one:
MD1: v Australiazia (Peisandros Basin, Delphi.) 5-0.
MD2: v Somewhereistonia (National Sports Arena, Olympia.) 3-1.
MD3: @ Edward City
MD4: v Golgothastan (People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.)
MD5: @ Sorthern Northland
MQ Friendly:
v Quintessence of Dust (Peisandros Basin, Delphi.)
Qualifying round two:
MD6: @ Australiazia
MD7: @ Somewhereistonia
MD8: v Edward City (ATI Stadium, Thasos.)
MD9: @ Golgothastan
MD10: v Sorthern Northland (National Sports Arena, Olympia.)
PQ Friendly:
@ Jeru FC

O Ale Ale FAQ/Questionnaire/Info About

Who are O Ale Ale?

O Ale Ale are a nation of Anarcho-Primitivists. At least that's what they first were when they broke off from other nations and started their own nation by themselves. Now after several generations and no writing and other innovations from farming all they know is folk legends of terrible farmers and are staunch proponents of hunter-gathering. Also due to their lifestyle they are more fit then everybody else (OOC: Seriously look it up hunter-gathering is a much better lifestyle for humans than farming and you all thought I was crazy. One more note: It's no fun having a country that's clearly an ideology and not having propaganda for it at the same time.) They also through the generations lost the excess of the farming community so they don't know what planes are, have never seen more then probably 25 people at once in their lives and other things like that.

What Are Crazed Idiots Like That Doing Playing Football?

THE FOUNDERS. They kept some farming traditions with them, some crazy people play this weird game involving a bat and a ball, some play some weird game involving baskets, the northerners play this ice game involving goals. The tribe of Ko'omar, however, plays this game involving kicking and goals. They have the rules more or less down, they've changed a bit in isolation. The big change is the purpose of the game, it is now used instead of war to settle disputes. Sooo... yeah...ummmm...gulp.

So What's Going to Happen During the Games?

Did I mention that they always bring their weapons to the pitch just in case? Did I also mention that 30 people is a lot to them? Also that they have never been in anything like cities before with modern transportation? This could be bad.

How are they writing this?

Oh I'm the anthropologist who gets to close to his subject. Actually I'm the official scribe of O Ale Ale and the only citizen who knows of the farming world basically just to try to get more immigrants.

You know you're an idiot right?

Yes.

Matchday Three RP cutoff.

Scores now available. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14782480&postcount=5)

The RP below from Rejistania did not make the cutoff. Kelssek, please make sure it counts for MD4.

Fee, fie, foe, FOO!

The new Orange-Blues were defeated by Pasarga in a close match. Despite Natus'he's attempts to make Margaret change her mind (or because he does not look that good when naked), the former Transnationals were outclassed and outsmarted by the team, which many Rejistanis considered rather unpronouncable: Pasarga. Etaui Ijanu, radio speaker for the private readio station Ikele Si, butcchered the names maybe in the worst way. Djoko Markovčič became: "Dioku Marovi" and later in the game "Merdioku'he". We leave the meaning of the prefix mer open to your imagination and search engine skills.

There were many reasons to curse at Djoko Markovčič since his tricks and the numerous chances he had were an all-too-sure sign of the bad state, the rejistanian team is in since the Excelites announced the age of style modifiers. Natus'he's emphasis on a good hetaki seemed not to suit well with the fans and the team After the goal by Lori'he in the 23rd minute, rejistani fans shouted "Le-hi-ju-ny!" (conceders) and a while later, after the 0:2 by Markovčič'he: "Xen'vana... Natus'ta!" (We want... no Natus).

Natus'he tried another trick to cheat fate: he substituted Jenji Y by Jeneji Ma͜eji in the 85th minute, only to revert this substitution a few minutes later. Y'he did score the 1:2 after that.

The barrage of drunken Silexherans in The Angry Johnny, largest, cheapest and therefore most popular of Silica City pubs, cheered again. The television in front of them was showing the sports section of the nine-o'clock news, and highlights of the two goals from Silexhera's game against Bears Armed. The channel had just shown Karramarsar Karra's goal (which had been wrongfully attributed to Karramarsar Sarra by the stadium announcer at the time), a low and powerful drive into the bottom corner from a very acute angle that Colm Fisher couldn't react to quickly enough. The crowd were cheering the replay of Silexhera's equaliser, just as they had been doing every time it had been replayed on TV since the game finished. What a goal it was too, serving not only to get Silexhera an unexpected point but also to announce Kelly Sporadic's emergence onto the world stage.

Silexhera hadn't been in the game. They'd spent the first twenty minutes of both halves either ball-watching as the Bears passed around them or passing the ball inexplicably to opposition players. The crowd had gotten restless. Its not that they were used to exciting attacking play, most of them didn't know what that was, but Silexhera weren't putting up the kind of fight they had against their previous opponents. The usually brave and unflappable defence had pussied out of a number of challenges when it looked like they could steal the ball. Paul Ward, Silexhera manager, couldn't really blame them. Silexhera were only just getting used to playing football against human teams. The eleven bears in front of them, all of whom towered over them and outweighed them by tens and sometimes hundreds of pounds, were a daunting opposition. Karra's well taken opener had silenced the crowd and had prepared Paul for the worst. The fact that the team had come in at half time only one goal down was a minor miracle.

His team talk had been swift. He had told every single player to look to the captain. Couser Granite was a big man. Although nowhere near the size of any of the Bears Armed team, he was still the only player not to have shirked out of a challenge. He had a big bruise on his knee to prove it, but refused to be substituted anyway.

Although the second half had started in the vein of the first, Silexhera at least started trying to put up a fight, and just after the hour mark Kelly Sporadic produced some of his magic. Receiving the ball after Urra ‘Honey’ SunBlessed had an inexplicable lapse in concentration and had mis-controlled a pass, Kelly had driven forward at pace, sidestepping a slow challenge from Marra-Urra o Redwood and carrying the ball forward. Gopher Sporaskid had made a clever diagonal run into space but Kelly decided he didn't need him. Sprinting forward he moved over to the right hand side to protect it from the recovering SunBlessed, feinted a cross to put his marker off balance and then darted towards the corner of the area. Bears Armed defender Urratharra o Strongpaw had moved in to jockey him, making sure he couldn't get any further and it had looked like Kelly had lost his chance to get a shot away, especially as his attempted dummy was easily read by the defender who stuck a leg out to poke the ball out of Kelly's control. The Silexhera midfielder managed to twist his body and stay on his feet however, and picking up the loose ball simply knocked a yard to his left to give him a bit of space against the onrushing Strongpaw. The yard of space was all he needed to let fly with a speculative twenty-yard effort. The ball had skidded along the damp turf and clipped the foot of the far post before nestling in the net with the goalkeeper rooted to her spot. The unusually silent crowd had erupted. Silexhera had gone on to clinch the draw and the point that came with it. It was another fantastic achievement for the tiny nation.

Various drunkards in the bar clinked their glasses together and warbled the national anthem again. From the back of the room someone shouted for the barman to change the channel. "Why?" had been the reply.
"Because their news program starts in a minute, we want to see the goal again!"

The Difficult Path to Qualification

Never judge a team by its pre-qualification friendly matches. The Golden-Whites have proven to be a completely different beast in this tournament. At least, they have preformed with an unexpected zeal, earning them second place in the group (although, with only three games played, this placement is only temporary). Today, they proved their mettle by walking over The McLaughlin Islands in a 1–4 game. This keeps them tied with Yafor, who lost against Newmanistan (the Newmanistani team’s first win this qualification), and to Steroga, whom they play next. But all heroic stories have their tense, dramatic moments, and for the Macabee National Team one of these obstacles came today. Halfway through the second-half Dertísh Malfor was forced off the field due to a painful injury in his thigh. Early medical prognostics suggest that the twenty-five year old midfielder will not be available to play for at least six weeks, which means that he is virtually out of the qualifiers. This is an obstacle for the team’s defense, as they now only have Sergi Bert to play as a defensive midfielder. There have been rumors, as a result, that manager Tíer Bergán may call-up a third defensive midfielder to act as a replacement for Bert. Malfor’s injury surely attracts storm clouds over an otherwise sunny day, but the taste of a three point victory has filled the mouths of the team, its management and its fans. Now, all prepare for the home match against Steroga, to be hosted at Targul Frumos.

The day witnessed some other interesting scores, in Group 10 and outside. Many groups already have leaders consolidating their lead, such as Candelaria and Marquez in Group 9 and Septentrionia in Group 1. Group 10, extraordinarily, remains one of the most contested, with only a three point difference between first and last place (Yafor and the McLaughlin Islands, respectively). That said, it’s obvious that the Golden-Whites are looking to extending their lead over Steroga to three points (currently, the two teams are tied in points, with six points each) by defeating them at Targul Frumos. Many are hoping for an equally as dominating game as today’s against McLaughlin Islands. Furthermore, a victory would help maintain the team’s lead against Newmanistan, which will be of utmost necessity as the Golden-Whites attempt to qualify for the finals. The following two match days left in the first half of the qualification round will be matches where the team will have to surrender its blood, sweat and tears. The Golden-Whites will have to enter the field with the will to win and pull ahead. There is no option other than victory, as a defeat could mean qualification.

As the Spartan woman told her son: “Come home with your shield, or on it.”

The Match
Although the score remained goalless for the first twenty-two minutes, it was obvious that the game was going to be controlled by the Golden-Whites. Apart from two opportunities developed by the islander team, the Imperials had almost complete control of the ball. The danger came almost immediately, with Mika d’Angíel squandering an early opportunity to score a goal by kicking the ball just over the crossbar. Several more opportunities came and went, but none were capitalized on and the Macabee side found themselves goalless in the first part of the first half. But, the first goal was fortunately not in come thereafter. Good control in the midfield by Terj Mitoraj allowed the player to send the ball deep “behind enemy lines”, where d’Angíel found it (after staying right in line with the last defenders of the home team), dribbled it and tucked it away in the home side’s net. From that moment on, the dynamics of the game changed completely. Scared, McLaughlin Island’s squad stayed in their area, providing a tight defense. Their offense was incapable of acting alone on top, as their defenders and midfielders failed to venture too far ahead. It was, in other words, becoming an increasingly one-sided affair. The second goal came in the twenty-eighth minute (six minutes after d’Angíel’s first goal), and was not committed to by a striker.

The 0–2 came about thanks to Joán Zeneti, who brilliantly stole the ball from an islander midfielder, turned around, took it up the left flank and made a cross to the top of the opponent’s area. There, the ball was controlled by midfielder Santi Vervánt, who dropped it on the ground using his chest, putted it to his right, turned around and fired it behind goalkeeper David McLaughlin. It was an impressive goal, more because of the majestic control shown by Santi Vervánt than for the actual shot, although that was impressive as well. Nevertheless, the goal set the trend, as the Macabee dominance of the first half continued. The Golden-Whites only had to seal their second victory of the qualifiers, guaranteeing them another three points and a possible ticket to the top of the group. And, in the next ten minutes they certainly came close. Attack after attack was developed and carried out, although they tended to fizzle out once the ball was put in the area, thanks to a tenacious islander defense. In fact, the third goal was proving to be a frustrating and elusive endeavor, as the McLaughlin Island’s defense pulled together and closed any gaps which the visitors had been able to take advantage of before. But, the goal came.

In the forty-first minute, d’Angíel created his second goal of the game, turning the score into 0–3. It was thanks to a play by Terj Mitoraj, after he had penetrated into the area. He made a good pass, using his heel, to winger Ses Dermán, who then quickly offered it to the twenty-four year old striker. This close to the goal, and with victory at his heels, the young striker rarely fails. His ability to score when the opportunity presented itself was what had garnered him such a revered position on a Yaforite team (not that the Yaforites had a lot of young talents to fill the position). Regardless, the Imperials had virtually sealed McLauhglin’s fate and guaranteed them another three points towards qualification. And so, the first half ended with the Macabee National Team with a three goal advantage and with no signs of life in the opponent’s ranks.

The second-half was a completely different situation for the first twenty minutes. The islanders came back to the pitch strengthened, and their renewed energy showed fairly quickly. In the first minutes, d’Angíel was retired from the field and substituted by Shost Glen. The young striker, starting in three straight games, could hardly continue and his two goals were more than enough effort for one game. However, problems began to appear. The Macabee defense seemed interested in participating in the offensive tasks, and so the defensive realm of the team’s strategy began to falter. In the fifty-sixth minute, Mark McLauhglin achieved a breakaway thanks to an assist by Laurence McLaughlin. It was a textbook breakaway, and it managed to get away from the visitor’s line of defense with relative ease, thanks to the latter’s preoccupation with offensive duties. In a one on one, there was little that Lars Kíendar could do, as he came out to defend his goal and found himself outmatched by the quick paced Mark. The 1–3 had come, and it seemed as if perhaps the islanders could truly make their comeback. But, their success was short-lived. The Macabee defense came back to their senses, moved down and tightened the rear area of the field. The opponent’s goal was a hammer to their senses, and McLaughlin would have few more opportunities to capitalize on. Tired and weary, the hosts quickly surrendered control of the ball back to the Macabee squad.

The fourth Macabee goal did not come for a while though. In the sixty-second minute, defensive midfielder Dertísh Malfor was injured due to a severe cramping in his right thigh. After a couple of minutes of investigation he was helped off the field. In his place, manager Tíer Bergán put striker Nether Falsó in order to bolster the team’s offense, given that the defense was doing well enough. The two strikers quickly began to carve up the opportunities for themselves, although no goals came for a short while. In the seventy-ninth minute, with only eleven minutes left in the game, the Golden-Whites truly fired the lethal shot. Falsó offered Glen an open shot, after passing the ball right under the opponent’s goalkeeper’s nose. Glen, not one to squander these types of opportunities, slammed the ball into the back of the net, creating the 1–4. The game was effectively over, and it devolved into a sluggish battle in the middle of the field, as the visitors reeled back to avoid a second goal and simply win the game with the existing score. For the first time in eight games (five pre-qualifying friendly and three qualifying matches) the national team had carved up an opponent, clearly winning. It is ample evidence that the new squad is capable of qualifying for a World Cup, and even winning it given a little bit more experience.

Post-Game Press Release
“Excuse me sir, what would you say are the best qualities shown by your squad today?”

Bergán was ecstatic at the victory, and at the news that his team was in a three-way tie for first place (in points, at least). He answered with glee, “I think that we were perfect, relative the opponent’s skill, of course. Our defense was good enough to stop their attacks, save for their sole goal, and our offense was capable of taking advantage of the cracks in their own defense and scoring. I say relative, because we might not have the same success against a more experienced team. We are fortunate to be in our current group, because in regards to rankings, which are a very good way of measuring a team’s experience, we are in a position where none of the teams are too far ahead of us, and we are better ranked than some of the other teams in the group, as well.”

Another reporter stood and asked his question, “Do you foresee an easy victory against Steroga?”

“First of all, we should stay on the planet Earth. No victory is easy. Even today, it took us a while to capitalize on the opportunities we were creating so that we could score. This was largely due to tenacious defending on our opponent’s part, and they made our lives very difficult. The came could have just as easily turned into a defeat. We should not go into the following matches with our heads in the clouds. That will only lead to a loss. Second, Steroga is in the same position we are. Their qualification largely depends on victories. Nobody can really afford to lose at this point, as the group remains tight. The first team that succeeds in pulling away is probably the most likely to actually qualify. This said, I know our squad has what it takes to win tomorrow, especially since will be playing at a home stadium.” Despite the victory, Bergán wanted to remain humble. The team had already learned in the past that prematurely declaring victory would only end in embarrassment at the end of the day.

“Will Malfor return to the field anytime soon?”

“We have not received the definitive reports on his injury, yet. The team’s medical squad is still taking a look at his leg. Right now, it looks like a relatively minor injury in the thigh, like a pulled muscle. If this is the case, he will be back in the squad within three to four weeks. The most likely case is that he remains out for the next six weeks, which will effectively leave him out of the qualifiers, but if we are able to garner a spot in the finals he should be available for that. Otherwise, he will be available for the Cup of Harmony, should we be invited to that event.”

“Without him as a defensive midfielder, will the team play another formation?”

“I don’t feel comfortable giving away my strategies, but I will mention that Sergi Bert is a very valuable substitute, and he will likely fill the role. We have been doing very well up to now with the new formation, and I think it’s safe to say that we trust in it. There is no reason to abandon it now, although Malfor’s injury does give us a bit of flexibility. It will allow us to substitute Bert with another forward, or any other position that we feel needs to be filled. It means that we can quickly change the formation to a more defensive or a more offensive one, depending on the situation of the game. It gives us a very powerful advantage that I plan to take advantage of.”

“How important are the next two games to qualification?”

“With teams like Yafor and Newmanistan, the next two games are of the utmost importance. In fact, every qualifying game is likely to be important to win. A loss could mean the end of qualifications for us, as it would be extremely difficult to recover. We can only hope that the other teams will stumble along the way, making it easier for us to stumble, as well. However, so far it seems as if this is the rule, rather than the exception, as no team has been able to take a decisive lead in the group. Qualifying is still pretty much a clear option for all the teams partaking in the competition, as smaller teams defeat bigger teams, et cetera. In short, it’s going to be an interesting experience and I believe this is going to be our best chance to qualify for a World Cup final.”

“What do you make of our next two opponents?”

“Banten States and Steroga are fairly equal in terms of rank and experience, and I believe that if we can defeat The McLaughlin Islands with such an advantage, then we can do the same with these two teams. I do not think they will be major obstacles towards our goal of qualifying, but then again, this is football. Football is known for its surprises and the fact that anything can happen at any point during a game. Many big teams have been upset already, and one of these teams is Newmanistan. There are countless other examples. Generally, I am weary of over generalizing. I do not think we should delve into a prognostic, because those almost always turn up incorrect.”

“This question is for Mika d’Angíel. We noticed that you marched off the field fairly early during the second half. Are you risking injury?”

“No, I don’t believe that I am. I am certainly tired, but I will continue to sacrifice for my team.”

Purple Knights Stun The Archregimancy

In the biggest game of the year so far the Purple Knights opened up their to game series versus the Archregimancy. As the top seeded team in the group, the Archers came to town to take on the Knights at the fabled Atlantea coliseum, the biggest stadium in the world, to take on the home Knights and their 590,000 strong fans in attendance wearing the Purple and Gold. Apparently in the end the 590,000 fans broke through agains the fabled Archer defense as the Knights stunned the world winning 1-0 in what was expected to be one of the best early matches for any group in this competition. The game did not dissapoint.

As expected the two teams, who have met before, faced off against each other for group supremacy. Both team came into the game deadlocked in first place both with two wins and not a single loss. Whoeve would win the game would be vaulted to the coveted top spot in the group with just 7 matches to go. The Knights and the Archers went at it all game and it was not till the 77th minute when the Knights would find a whole in the Archregimancy defense when A.F. Falcon found Brian Ying Uing fo rthe games only goal and the goal that prooved to be a decisive one. Through three games now the Knights have won all of them 1-0. It has been an exciting season that is not goinbg to be won easily. Things though are looking up.

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 12
PRQ: vs 1-0 [99] Norwellia (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 60,000)
MD1: vs 4-1 [24] Jeru FC (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD2: @ 1-0 [84] Kagdazka (@ kak po russky...?)
MD3: vs 5-1 [110] The Bear Islands (@ Potala, Lasa - 34,000)
MD4: @ [132] Threetime (@ Triple Trisomy?)
MD5: vs [57] Quintessence of Dust (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MQ: @ [33] Taeshan (@ Atlantea Colesseum - a lot of small people)
MD6: @ [24] Jeru FC (@ barbarians' hut)
MD7: vs [84] Kagdazka (@ Silk Road Stadium, Seoan - 56,000)
MD8: @ [110] The Bear Islands (@ GAH! BARS! ... oh, that's bears, nvm...)
MD9: vs [132] Threetime (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD10: @ [57] Quintessence of Dust (@ Arena of Dreams, Nowy Orpington - at least there isn't any trash here)
PTQ: @ ghosts?

*** Grand Metropolitan Transportation Center, Hangyeong ***

Hansu arrived slightly late at the station, but it wasn't as if Seunghwa and Iljun were going anywhere themselves. The police were keeping them detained for some altercation that had caught the attention of the mobs going home for the season. And whatever seemed to displease the mob was the subject of much attention these days. Placating the masses was the objective.

"What happened?"

"I ran into him," Seunghwa said, pointing blatantly at Iljun.

"Her? She ran into me!" he replied.

"Only you could imagine doing something smug like that! You probably were planning the whole thing from the start! You knew that I would be leaving for Gwangdong yesterday, so you planned to run right straight into me! You think I care about what's happened to you anymore?"

"Seunghwa!" Hansu said, trying to temper the tempers.

"For your information, I went away because you were a psychotic lovebird! You screwed up my life! In fact, if I'd never had met you, I wouldn't be up here begging the government for money for my prefect! I'd be some mathematical genius, running this fucking economy, because Heaven knows what anyone else is doing about it!"

"Lovebird? Is that what you say?"

"Seunghwa!" Hansu said, yelling now.

"You couldn't take a hint even if it ran up to you and smacked you in the face!" Seunghwa yelled, ignoring her father. "I spent how many days glancing at you, hoping for some turn of affection! You don't know how lonely it is to have feelings unreturned! And if you think it's any time now to start making up for all of those hours I wasted gazing at your insolent carcass, it's a little bit late!"

"You're the one with the insatiable lust desires! You're an actress!"

"Oh, what's that supposed to mean?"

"You crave attention, so you have to put a show for people, even if it's not your own. Especially if it's not your own. And you wade around in those public places, basking in some glowing light, just people think that you're something that you're not. And you start to think that too! It's just because you have this innocent face that makes you so believable. If they just tore off that filthy mask and showed the true beast inside, maybe they'd get a better appreciation for what you really are!"

"ME? This is all about ME? You're insane! If I wanted a publicity shot, I'd be sucking up to some playboy! Not you! The worthless excuse for a son of a dog!"

"SEUNGHWA!" Hansu was irate by then. She should have listened. "Where did you learn that sort of language?"

"Don't baby her," Iljun said, a bit insensitive. "She's not the innocent little girl anymore."

Seunghwa was about to rush over and smack him crazy, but Hansu went over and pulled her arm back. He then went over to Iljun and punched him in the face. As the guards rushed to take care of Iljun, Seunghwa went over to Seunghwa and slapped her face. Right then, Hong was a bit confused.

"Why'd you hit both of them?" he asked.

Just as the chief magistrate of the station was going to apprehend Iljun for his violence, Hansu turned faced the guards and said, "These are not adults. They are hardly citizens. That man is hardly worthy of being a prefect, and this daughter is hardly the beautiful girl she was once. Arguments, arguments! And they have nothing better to say? I came here to pick up my daughter, because she was in distress. But she... she is not my daughter. My daughter was innocent. She was sweet and kind to people. She smiled and had a happy face on her. She had a good countenance written upon her, and the day she left, I wept bitterly for her. I had thought that she fled the country. Perhaps to seek her dream. This woman comes back home these many years later, an actress. She carries herself like my daughter, and talks like her. But she does not carry that good countenance. She does not carry that smile. She is not my daughter."

Seunghwa wasn't certain what to say that the point. Neither did Iljun or Hong. Hansu continued.

"If my daughter were here, would she know who you are? My daughter forgave people for their misgivings, because I taught her that people make mistakes. Heaven knows that Seunghwa made her fair share. My daughter loved people for their warmth, because I taught her that we are all kin. Heaven knows this. So how can I see this woman bringing an argument with an illiterate man about whose fault it is to cause a fight? My daughter would not argue over such a triviality"

"Pardon me, Min Seonsaeng-nim," Son said, "I'm not illiterate..."

"You can read and write, so you can," Hansu said, facing Iljun directly. "But can you read a person and read their feelings? I have you for a very long time, and I hate to confess that you have hardly changed at all. You say that you care about your people in your town, but I say that you care about your work. And it is all that has ever been your concern. Work. School-work, job-work, whatever-work. The only difference between then and now is that your obsession with football seems to have been abated by the years in the desert. And perhaps rightly so. But that empty void you filled with the work. You can't read people. I have yet to find any person who is as callous as you are. You are willing to argue with a woman just because she presents a case to you? Is it worth the time?"

There was an awkward calm in the station, as even the guards recognized that Hansu was more than just an old man. Perhaps they didn't know that he was a bar owner, but the manner in which he carried himself, it seemed as though he was the Emperor himself. Even Hong was impressed; Hansu's antics rivaled that of Chan's.

"I have raised my children to be good persons," Hansu said. "I did not raise them to be worms crawling through the streets. I expect better of you two. Seunghwa, you the most, because you are my daughter. Iljun, you because you were a student in my house. I care for my children. The least you can do is show that respect which I showed to you and to others for each other. There is seldom a time in the world when you meet kin in the wide world, so when you see a friend, stop to give a greeting rather than bicker about old misgivings. This is bad blood, and I hope that it is well split."

The calm continued as Hansu went over to the magistrate. "I'm sorry for the trouble that they brought upon your station, Seonsaeng-nim. What is the cost for their incarceration?"

The magistrate had a kind heart for him. "If you can guarantee that they will not return their ill favors, I'll waive the cost. You seem to good a man to let such poor children run freely."

Hansu nodded. "Thank you, Seonsaeng-nim. I will do what I can."

From afar, Baek and Pak were watching the whole thing unfold. Baek seemed a bit amused. "Well, so much for that plan," he remarked.

"What do you mean, sir?"

"They're not in love, Pak, my man!"

"Hardly, sir," Pak replied. "They will need time to repair those wounds that time has itself inflicted. I believe that despite all of that trouble, things went terribly well today."

"Terribly, aye. Well? I'm not so sure."

"Without Mr. Min's inttervention, they might still have had more poor rapport with one another, with which they might be inclined to avoid one another. But this timely discussion seems to have made their relationship more pliant. I call it a marginal success, sir."

Baek nodded, getting back into the car to leave for the next train heading south. "Well, I'd hate to know what sort of definition you use for success, Pak."

*** Samseong HQ ***

Another day at the almighty Samseong HQ somewhere in downtown Hangyeong. The CEO was mightily pleased that his plans for global market domination was coming to fruition. Just recently, the TQCC victory for Albrecht FC seemed to nearly quadruple their sales in the Candelarias overnight (in reality, it was only a modest 7% gain). And with Samseong in the driving seat for the global electronics industry for sports-fanatical countries (except where market laws prohibit their activity), he was certainly looking for brighter days when all electronics would be sold with a distinct black-blue sticker with that very name on the box.

"...And the recent negotiations in Atlantian Oceania and Rushmore seem to be expanding our market base among the constituencies there. Already, we're the most recognizable name in the region, even with all of this competition, simply because we do all of these big name sponsorships! I think making a financial partnership with Globo Multimedia and Banco Economico might in our interest if we want to expand our retail and financial services in Atlantian Oceania, though."

"But that might bring in even more taxes. We already spend enough trying to keep Rio Bonito afloat."

"We've got to be looking about this in a different way, then," the CEO said, as the Board seemed indeterminate about expanding their business deals. "We're looking for publicity. Ads sell more than half of our products, so if just getting our name in Cafundeu is worth the taxes we'll pay, then we should consider it a viable option." He reclined in his chair. "But don't tell anyone about it. You know how those Cafundelense people are. Once they get the idea that someone wants to buy something, the next thing you know, Santa comes down that chimney seeking to collect a tax on 'thinking about Cafundeu' before getting on with discussions."

"Isn't that illegal? Taxing people not even in the country?"

"Well, physically yes. But metaphysically, their mind is wandering about the country. They have to find a way to tax that stuff too, you know."

"I see..."

Everything was going according to plan...

"Director YI!!! We've got a serious problem!"

"Which is?"

"Someone is copying our stuff!"

That brought out a bunch of gasps.

"Who?"

"Some up-start company called Wuseong!"

"Wuseong?" the CEO replied. "Who are they?"

"They seem to be exactly everything that we are. They sell electronics, they sell cell phones, radios, TVs, laptops, they sell retail, freetail, and finance. I suppose the only real difference is that they've got five stars (ooc: Samseong literally translates as "three stars"; Wuseong as "five stars")! They've even got a fancy ten-thousand story building as their HQ building!"

Mumbles erupted at that remark.

"Ten-thousand?" the CEO thought out loud. "We only have a thousand!"

"And change, sir."

"How can they be exactly like us and us not know about it all of the sudden?"

"We're still not sure. But with competition as big as this, we surely can't compete with them for long!"

Immediately, the Board room became deathly silent. They all gazed at the CEO for guidance and counsel, as to their best options. They waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, a cricket chirped.

"Here's what we'll do," the CEO finally said. "We'll investigate everything we know about them, and conduct a thorough product analysis of their products and compare them to ours. We'll have to find a way to get back these bastards and claim the full market monopoly! I want no expense spared to ensure the survival of this great and almighty corporation! Do we hear me?!?"

At that, one of the lackeys remarked, "That's just what the cricket said."

"I know, but the difference is that I said it."

"Okay..."

And with that, the Board disintegrated as they went about their tasks. And it would be a hard task for them to manage. Even the CEO was a little uneasy as he reclined even further in his chair. Sweat dewed upon his brow and he wiped it. As he tried to relax, the secretary phoned him on the intercom.

"Sir, there's someone here to see you."

"Send him in..."

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/Companies/MBC.png

Tip of the Hat

LASA - THE END IS COMING!!! Sure, we beat Jeru FC 4-1, and just come out 5-1 against Bears that have Islands at home, but the away fixture against those pesky Kagdazky... erm... whatever they've got... that was a 1-0. We must remember that this is going to be a challenge, not a cakewalk. And speaking of cakewalks, we had one just earlier today. Three Buddhist monks had a demonstration of their focal powers by walking around three cakes whilst having large weights affixed to their... yoohoos. They did that while juggling small puppies and standing with nailed shoes (as in the nails were on their feet). It took them three hours to complete the circuit of some 1093 laps around the cakes, but it just goes to show that cakewalks can complexedly complicated and hard. So just because some pundits will claim that the Han are having an easy time, thrashing their opponents around 5-1 around the block, just remind them about those monks and their cakewalk.

So let's get started with another cakewalk. Kim Mihyeon's cakewalk that is. She had a horrible game today. Sure, she scored three goals, and earned herself a lucky hat. But she had 21 shots, and only 3 of them were on target. Fans at halftime wondering why she was doing so horribly. With the Bears that have Islands and the Han going into the lockers at halftime 0-0, Kim Mihyeon was just having a really tough time. And it's not like she was doing it on purpose anyway. Jeong Jihun was tightly marked for the majority of the match, with those bears figuring that he was the deadly striker. In fact, he'd gotten so many scratches that Kim Gwangseok had to come in at halftime to sub for his scratched back (if a bear offers you a hug, politely refuse it and then run away really quickly). Fans thought that Ioshido Toki was insane.

Turns out he was insane. But that was alright because while in the locker room, they found out that Kim Mihyeon's shoes were stuffed with things that was skewing her foot's accuracy. In her left shoe was a diamond necklace with the words "I love you forever and ever" written on the diamond. In her right shoe was a gargantuan orangutan, five boxers duking it out on some boxing ring, four funny folded balloon animals, three Orthodox monks reciting the entirety of the Homeric Odyssey in original classical Greek, two turtle doves, and a needle in a haystack (the haystack was included). Needless to say, Kim Mihyeon didn't need to wait long before she got to scoring the opening goal. Unfortunately, the Han showed the sort of complacency that makes qualification difficult, letting a random goal through off some midguided luck shot that bounced off the butt of a bear (or what looked like the butt of a bear) after Kim Jongguk parried the ball. That seemed to invigorate the Han even more so, such that the Han were encouraged to score more goals. Kim Mihyeon got her chances later, with a lucky shot coming in the 65th minute. Kim Gwangseok rattled the bar a few times, but saw himself the victim of bear love as well, so he turned out as the genuine assist partner, laying it for An Pilrip in the 78th minute, Pak Yongho in the 85th minute, and finally Kim Mihyeon for her winning and final third goal in stoppage time.

So let's do a little recap: if you think you're having problems, check your dildo - there might be weights holding you back. Otherwise, check your shoes.

Goal Scorers
4 - Kim Mihyeon
2 - Jeong Jihun
1 - Kim Yongji, Baek Jihun, An Pilrip, Pak Yongho[/QUOTE][/QUOTE]

World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Iglesian Archipelago (6-2)
MD2: Greal VS Bostopia (1-0)
MD3: Greal VS Chutnusak (0-1)
MD4: Greal VS Septentrionia
MD5: Greal VS Italia Orientale
MD6: Greal VS Iglesian Archipelago
MD7: Greal VS Bostopia
MD8: Greal VS Chutnusak
MD9: Greal VS Septentrionia
MD10: Greal VS Italia Orientale


Greal falls to Chutnusak

Greal narrowly lost to Chutnusak in what seemed like the toughest game yet. Though the loss was disappointing, Ross Trent remarked that even the Greali are not the most perfect in the world. Chutnusak scored early in the game, and for the rest of the match, both teams struggled to get a goal. Michael Istoma was injured in the knee and will be out for a few days. Meanwhile, the match had a huge increase in viewers due to the fact that it was Sunday. Ross Trent later said in his daily interview that his team's morale is still high and for tomorrow's match against Septentrionia, there are some high expectations.


Chutnusak 1

Greal 0

Meanwhile, in other Group One matches..

Bostopia destroyed Iglesian Archipelago 4-1.

Septentrionia equally devastated Italia Orientale 4-0.

------------------------------------------------------------

Joesph's Online Blog

Too bad we lost folks. I was hoping for a big win, but like I learned in life, you can't have everything. Tomorrow's match will be against Septentrionia, a really tough team, higher ranked more then Greal. At the very least, I'm hoping for a draw. Anyway, thanks for the great comments last week and I hope you all watch the match on TV or even the internet.

OOC: I'll write a preview later in the day if there's time.

http://www.btinternet.com/~david.boston/_bostopia/dailymailheader.png

KING OF JERUSELEM DIES

Many Fail To Take Notice, So Here's A Story On Sport

And now for something completely different.

---Severnth Common, Fort Boston---

“Why, I'm a fishy pie!” The Emperor yelled from the back of the minibus as it drove away from Bostopia's third group game, with his fourth bottle of Landsberg in his hand.

“Dave-o, you've got no idea what you're on about, do you?”

“Absholutely nhot!”

Barry Clart, the striker, suddenly realised something quite disturbing as yet another car's brakes squealed, stopping it from flying into the nearside of the minibus.

“Bozzo, you're sat back there drinking, right?”

“Right you are that man! Now, who said that...?”

“So you're sat back there, and I was wondering, who's actually driving the minibus?”

“For one thing, it's nhot a boat, it's a skip – shypp – shi- -ship. And for a thirde thing,” the Emperor said, poking at Barry with his beer bottle, “we're docked in phort, so no-one's actually driving the bhus.”

“Bozzo. Mate. It's a minibus.” Gary Garnforth, the left wingback pointed out.

“Oh, right. Shuppose we're in a bit of a clangers knackersyard then eh?”

The lads looked around for a bit, realising none of them had any idea where exactly this was going. They didn't know where the minibus was going, but Mr. Crawlworth's hedge at the bottom of the street was the odds-on favourite at the moment.

Of course, what none of them was expecting was what happened next. The minibus simply rolled to a stop before reaching the hedge. This is what happens when you built long roads, really.

It should be noted that Sandwichson's comments 1) do not reflect my OOC beliefs about NS or RL and 2) would not be perceived as "racist" in Quintessence of Dust, but rather as reflecting the long-standing nativism of much Eastern thought.

The Sociologist
News, Comment and Review From Quintessence of Dust's Premier Weekly Magazine

Editor's introduction: As part of a special series of issues timed to coincide with World Cup 46, we've asked a selected group of elite Quintessential commentators to reflect on how involvement in world football has affected Quintessence of Dust, and what impact - for good or bad - the World Cup, probably the nation's most significant interaction with foreign nations outside the World Assembly - has had on domestic life. After hearing from Jean-Sebastian Gauche in Issue 1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14768831) on fashion, we now turn to Hula-Hoop "Oslo" Sandwichson, Professor of Political Economy at the State University of Pulona, famous for popularising the "staples thesis" of Quintessential economic development, for rejecting foreign, Marxist-inspired interpretations of domestic class structures, and for competing in last season's reality TV show Strictly Come Ironing.Football and Finance, or, the Koreans Are Coming! They Will Eat Our Brains! Ahhh!!

In many other parts of the country, the elites like to think they set the intellectual temper. I can't say if this true or not, but in a likelihood it's a somewhat self-fulfilling prophecy: if young people grow up thinking the only way to be heard is to chat indulgently while sipping coffee at the corner cafe, then to the corner cafe they will go. If tickets to the opera guarantee not just a night of music and drama but gossip and parlour intrigue, then social business will inevitably navigate to the balconies of the leading performance Houses.

Out here in the East, though, we've always favoured a more democratic approach to politics. Prime Minister Ornan herself can always be seen in the East stand at Nowy Orpington's home games; half the Congressional delegation seems to be in the queue for beer at rugby matches. They don't do this to speak to the crowd: they don't consider themselves the spectacle. No, they've come to spectate, and to take in the views of the ordinary fans lining the terraces: the true opinion makers of Quintessential politics.

Of course, this season there has been one common theme: the decision of Nowy Orpington United to permit Han electronics giant Samseong full sponsorship, with the resulting burst of investment in the once-ailing city, still sitting proudly on the coast, with a few rust specks beginning to show on its once gleaming facade. The club's been able to spend money, bringing in two Rennidanese defenders after a disappointing Season 1 in the QuinTel Not-Really-Very-Premier League. Perhaps most significantly, the company has established a base of operations Nowy Orpington. All this has been the subject of much discussion among the good folks of Pulona. The overwhelming conclusions are unsurprisingly pessimistic.

It's true that Han investment into Quintessential football has helped rejuvenate a mediocre side, has proved popular among young people interested in other cultures for reasons beyond understanding, and has provided an influx of jobs and new technologies. Yet, for the most part these gadgets, gizmos and consarn contraptions add nothing to our society, instead filling our homes with the inane blather of "television personalities" - as though such an entity were not obviously oxymoronic.

Take, for example, the recent so-called saga so-called of Alyssa Banana and Peter Rogers - described by one television reviewer as a "true contemporary tragedy". I prefer my sagas and my tragedies a little less middlebrow, thank you very much. He cheats on her, she dumps him, everyone cries and sells their story to some shopping aisle rag. And have we learned anything about ourselves? have we advanced understanding of the human condition? have we promoted Quodite cultural values to the outside world? No. We are left with a whiney young woman whose tears streak through her dense mascara, and one adolescent brat "on whose shoulders the nation's sporting fortunes" supposedly rest, who is yet to play in this World Cup as our side fails to score against unranked newcomers. Marina Sundqvist has attended more fashion shows than she has scored goals for the side, Marko Drescher is off in Newmanistan and is yet to show that a foreign contract provides any measurable improvement on his game.

Oh for the days of Arlo Cockbadger, Jeremy Dixon, Derek Drake, and Gumption Spunk! When men were men and played football like they meant it, earning their keep in real jobs while plying their sporting skills in the union leagues, putting in the hard tackles unafraid of ruining their next modelling shoot or messing up their latest hairstyle. Today's crop of athletes have played overseas, even won overseas contracts - and all it has taught them is how foreign players prim and priss, how foreign players bat their eyelashes for the cameras, how foreign players.

Of course, the trendy Highmark types like to pretend that any opposition to the corroding stain of foreign money polluting the blood of our national teams should be regarded as neo-isolationist heresy. The Western neoliberals, peddling their zealous capitalist doctrines like Golgothastanis selling knock-off Bibles, are only too keen to pretend that all is well as good as our homes are flooded with cheaply-made foreign trash, as we lose control over our oldest sports team, as our players run out in shirts emblazoned with the names of foreign companies while our domestic industries are forced into another round of belt-tightening and asset-downsizing.

The truth is: the "festival of culture" being planned in Nowy Orpington for our final qualifying match, against the Han (or should that be "Hun") Empire themselves is nothing but a farce foisted onto an unwilling city by Central financiers, Northern snobs, and Western industrialists seeking to profit from the only defenceless people left for their rapacious conquest to turn its slavering jaws on: the Eastern people. Twice now we have fought off aggressors in domestic Civil Wars, but the third onslaught may be more insidious. Buy a TV, rent a DVD player, go to the newly rebranded Arena of Dreams to watch two teams of foreigners play one another: and soon, from inside, they will have rotted our core. People say that having a country obsessed with television is harmless. These people have generally not spent five minutes trying to have a conversation with an Iglesian.

The Quintessential Football Association should prohibit foreign ownership and sponsorship of domestic teams, impose quotas on foreign players, reinstate salary caps on players who wish to play abroad and ban them from the national team, and restore national pride in the game. The influence of foreign football on our team can be neatly summarised as disease and death wrapped in darkness and silence.

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselemite World Cup teams send off dead king in style!

With both Jeruselem and Jeru FC playing at home, as well as a funeral afterwards - it wasn't a day for celebrating but the Jeruselemites turned the day into one for our late leader.

Jeruselem trounced a rather meek Milchama 4-2 at Dazza Dallas Stadium. Jeru FC also did the same to Kagdazka, same scoreline. To round off a great day, Starblaydia crashed 4–5 to Qazox. Even Newmanistan got in on the act beating Yafor 2, 2-1.

Milchama should have played better today. There weren't the ones who lost a leader. But the Princesses ran out with sense of purpose. Queen Kate did the coin toss and the Princesses won the toss. The Princesses started with a bit of aggression which seemed to backfire as the Warriors won a rather dubious free kick to lead 1-0. The warrior lead was short lived as the Princesses piled on the pressure with the Milchamian keeper working hard to keep out the local team.

A clumsy tackle by the visitors sent Marie face down into the grass as she nearly broke through the defense. She took her own conversion and leveled the scores 1 ALL. After that, the visitors got smashed with three more goals, but they did score a late concillation goal. The win was a big one considering Jeruselem are ranked below Milchama and Milchama needed a win. They have only scraped 1 point from 3 games while Jeruselem have done a lot better.

Jeru FC showed it wasn't a junior partner when it came to scoring goals either. Kagdazka aren't a Milchama or the same class but Jeru FC showed what it was capable of by smashing them 4-2. The Cannons have recovered well from their hammering at the hands of the Han 4-1 with two wins in row. They seemed a bit more inspired than normal, maybe it was the military team's dedicate for their late command-in-chief.

In surely must be the game of the round, Qazox beat the Purple Menace 5-4. The Qazians might have trouble beating us, but they seem to have no trouble against the Purple Menace. Newmanistanis in Jeruselem had something to cheer about when their team beat the mighty Yafor 2, 2-1 to register their first win.

Today we had a funeral but football-wise - our late leader inspired our teams to perform at home against the visitors. While the funeral was mainly gloomy, there was the sunshine from the recent wins. Nazi anarchists tried to ruin the day by attacking a bunch of Jewish schoolgirls but the situation was under control when police intervened beating the living daylights out the idiots.

There was some disruption during the Jeruselem vs Milchama game when some drunks ran into the field exposing themselves for everyone to see. Security rounded them up and put them in cold room to punish them for their stupidity. The only other naked people in the stadium were Naked News reporters who kept the guys rather occupied as they talked to the people from the streets. The same reporters braved the cold during the funeral and even got to chat to an amused Prince Henry who didn't mind the attention from the Sallad girls (who happen to be relatives of his). Princess Marie kept her clothes on but this was probably due to her being half-asleep after playing 90 minutes of football beforehand.

The first home match in Golgothastani history had gone down very well. Admittedly they'd lost, had four players sent off, and severely unnerved visiting Northlanders with a pre-game pageant designed to symbolically show the sacrificing of some swans, but which must have appeared to those in stands like a lot of chickens with clearly fake plummage glued onto their wings being crushed by overly made-up gymnasts. However, ticket sales had been good, the match had produced plenty of goals, and no Facebook groups dedicated to the assassination of the referee had been created in its wake. Which made it one-up on some other matches.

After four renditions of the national anthem, the players trooped off the field to get shitfaced before playing the Sandrians. They met Jack in the locker room.

"Jack, you look...troubled. I mean, more troubled than usual."

"Don't worry about it, Birgir. Hrafn, well played. How's your right knee?"

The limping right-back looked puzzled. "No, it's my left knee. Don't worry, just a little knock."

"Oh, really?" Jack swung an almighty kick into his right knee. Hrafn collapsed, screaming in agony. Stigur darted away so he wouldn't get blood on his white boots.

"Jack! What is it? What did you do that for?"

Jack looked at Þorður stoically. "Good goal, lad, you had a good game today."

"Thanks. Why did you just kick Hrafn? has he done something wrong?"

"Hmm? Oh, no." Jack stamped on Hrafn's face, eliciting a new round of screaming - a fleck of tooth bounced onto Stigur's boots.

"Jack! Stop it! It's way too early to be fighting - at least let's have a drink first."

Jack thrust a telegram into Guðberg's hands.To whomever it may concern,

The Somewhereistonia Sporting Assocation is saddened to announce that during the celebrations in the evening of the Baptism of Fire final, the trophy was stolen from the accommodation provided by the Errinunderan's.

We have reason to believe that the trophy is currently in the possession of a player from the Golgothastan team. We demand the return of the trophy which rightfully belongs to the Somewhereistonian team. Return the trophy at once and no more action will be taken.

If the trophy is not returned accordingly, then further action may prove necessary. Your ruinous farmland will feel the consequences.
Signed,

Angry Somewhereistonian authoritiesGuðberg frowned, passing the note onto Ìngmar. "Wait...Hrafn stole the trophy?"

"Yes, he did."

The team looked down at Hrafn, cowering on the floor. Jack raised a foot.

"Where is it, Hrafn? Where's the trophy?"

"I thold it! Please don't hit me again!"

"You sold it?"

"I got..." he spat blood, and Stigur turned and ran back onto the pitch. "Yeth. I got...two hundred...flugufrelsarinnth for it."

"Who did you sell it to?"

"I don't know! They were...they were at the market. They thaw the trophy, and wanted to buy it." He sat up. "Do the Thomewhereithtonianth know we have it?"

"What?"

"He's asking if the Somewhereistonians know."

"Oh. Well, they suspect."

"They thuthpect!"

"Hrafn, I think for a little while you're going to have to write it down, ok?" Jack walked away. "Ok. Ok. This is bad."

"We could post an advert."

"What like, 'Have you seen this trophy?' Come on."

"It might work."

"Among the notoriously scrupolous Golgothastani people?"

"Point retracted."

"We could offer a reward! More than they paid for it - dock it from Hrafn's pay." Hrafn glowered at Bjarkí.

"Hmm. That might work."

"No, it won't." Jack sighed. "If we offer a reward, then about a hundred forgeries will turn up. Remember that time the Teamsters Union president went missing - 24 hour laters 18 different people claiming to be Jimmy Cougher appeared. We couldn't hand back a forgery, it'd be a disaster."

"Well, ok, we have time..."

"Not really - they're coming here! In two days. And we're going there. A week later."

"Well...what are you going to tell them?"

"I can't deny all knowledge - this whole damn enterprise is meant to be about improving our international reputation. Lying generally goes down badly overseas, apparently."

"Weirdos."

"I know. But we have to respect their culture. Ok...we could...make a fake ourselves?"

Guðni Rúnar snorted. "Do you realize how difficult that would be? We don't have any trophies here. You'd need someone really skilled. Like a metalsmith or something."

The players continued to get changed, until they noticed Jack was still standing there, looking rather odd. Rather more odd than usual that is. In other words, looking extraordinarily odd.

"Jack?"

"Last weekend...I met a woman...she said her brother was a metalsmith."

"Fantastic!"

"No, not really."

"Why not? What's her name?"

Jack sucked in his breath. "Well, her cat's name is Sarah..."

Dancougar News!!
Hi, meet new Kirk, badass as the old Kirk. Trekwin!

More points dropped in scoreless draw: Dancougar now has to win out to reach coach Shigeru Takeuchi's 25-point target for qualification, but at the rate they're going, they'll be lucky to find themselves in contention for the second slot down the stretch.

Christian Chojnacki was sent off in the 53rd minute for a hard foul on Dupont and the Wings were able to survive a late flurry of offensive activity to escape the Landau Institute with a 0-0 draw. Once again, Dancougar looked inept away from home but stellar play by goalkeeper Artur Komarov preserved the clean sheet and ensured that the team kept pace with group leaders Bears Armed and Silexhera, whose 1-1 draw suggests that the newcomers are for real.

But the focus after the match was on Chojnacki. Although Dancougar has never been known for playing dirty football, Chojnacki's foul reflected the growing frustration of the team. Despite Takeuchi's offensive focus, the team has not been producing goals, making life easier for opponents who can count on missed chances to keep them in games... that is, if they don't cut through the Black Wing defense before that. Dupont ran at a masterful through ball from Dr. Alien when Chojnacki closed him down. But instead of poking the ball over the end line for a corner kick, which he had the opportunity to do, he leaned into Dupont and sent him sprawling to the turf with no attempt to play the ball. The referee did not hesitate.

"It's one thing to play aggressive football, but you also have to respect the laws of the game," said Takeuchi. "We wanted to be physical against the Institute since we expected to have an advantage in fitness, but their technical work was superb and we were struggling to cope all night."

It was a classic goalkeepers' dual between Komarov and Maldonado, with the Dynamo man making 6 saves to his opponent's 8. But by and large, the best chances fell to the hosts, and it took courage from Komarov to keep the scoreline knotted at zeroes. The Wings were guilty of underestimating the team based on their age, and Gadescu put his younger markers to shame by sending a powerful shot just over the crossbar in the 11th minute. He also turned aside a wide-open chance from Gadescu in the 38th with a desperate kick save after the wily lung doctor once again charged past a flustered Dwight Heath.

Stefan Rosberg once again failed to impress, generating three shots with only one on target. He was unable to find any soft spots in the Landau defense and looked sluggish at times. Most of the attacking impetus was generated by the midfield, specifically Dan Florentino and Kent Montego, as the youngsters continued to work tirelessly. Florentino nearly stole the lead just after halftime with a hard shot that was deflected off of the post by defender Valdir.

Then came Chojnacki's cynical foul, which reduced the Wings to ten for most of the second half, making it more difficult for them to generate pressure. Although Florentino and some other players surrounded the referee and tried to talk him down, Chojnacki did not argue the call and trudged off the field with his head down, a silent admission of guilt that caught the ire of Takeuchi in the post-game press conference.

"Too many of the players didn't look like they had their heads in the game," he said, "and Christian made a very poor decision that hurt the team, and not just in this match, but potentially several matches from now." Changes to the lineup appear imminent, but Takeuchi has only announced that Chojnacki's will be replaced by Josef Rousch during his suspension against Stargate Centurion.

The Wings still produced some shots after the ejection, but most of the excitement was generated by the Landau forward line of Gadescu and Abrahim. And they created pressure not just with their shots, but also their passes. Leon had the best late chance for the Institute after taking a pass from Gadescu and weaving through the box with her superb ball-handling. She pulled the trigger once she was inside the six, but Komarov matched her effort with his instincts, leaping off his line to cut down her shooting angle. The ball crashed against him and he closed on it fast to avoid giving up a rebound.

Rob's Rant: Caturday is serious business: I was reading the international feed the other day, because that's what I do when I'm not writing awesome articles for the News!!, and I caught this thing about cats. And it wasn't just any old article about cats, no, this was about Norwellian housecats and how they apparently run that place from behind the scenes. I mean, in any other country, if some cat comes up to your restaurant table, you're all like, "Dude, cat, you want some of this, go get a job and buy it yourself." Unless you're in Cafundeu, in which case there's probably a tax for addressing the cat, in which case you're better off ignoring it, because I think that tax is lower.

It's like these things just drop out of nowhere. You and your friends are walking down this country road, just minding your own business on the way to the next town, when all of a sudden your field of vision gets blurry. Next thing you know, you and your friends are all standing in a line and there's these cats in front of you, and you can't flee because they have the initiative. Your magic is ineffective and they can do critical damage if they claw at your face, so your only option is to appease them with food. I guess it's not awful to lose a granola bar every now and then to random cats, but then this happens like a hundred goddamn times before you reach the next town, and nobody I know can carry more than 99 of anything at once, granola bars included.

But that's not even the important thing about that article. At one point, they had a pictorial demonstration of how cats should be treated if you run into them on the street. I look at the picture of the woman feeding the cats, and I was like... oh man. I recognize that blonde hair and those jeans anywhere. That's my friend Dave's mom, and I knew she was all into football and stuff, but just why she's in Norwellia when they're not even in our group was beyond me. But there she was, man, Dave's mom in those tight jeans. Feeding cats. And suddenly it all made sense. I knew why our offense was gone.

It's the cats, man.

http://www.centralcoastsports.com.au/Soccer/Images/scared-cat.jpg
Kick it high or that cat's toast!

You think I'm joking, but I'm not. I mean, you see how many shots we're pounding over the post, right? It's like we think this is union or something and we score points when we kick it over the crossbar between the posts. But that's completely bogus, so the only explanation is that our strikers are shooting the ball high on purpose to avoid blasting wayward cats into oblivion. Normally, you'd just go, "Eh, it's a cat. Small and furry, so it's totally puntable." Kind of like puppies, except these things are under the protection of Norwellia. And the internet. And Dave's hot mom. If you're Stefan Rosberg, do you want to make any of them angry? No. So you shoot wide.

If this team is going to start actually playing offense again, it's going to need to do something to fend off cats. Maybe they can do a special summon and pull up some mice or something for them to chase around instead of going after footballs. Or maybe we can set up a scratching post over by the substitute's bench. That way the cats have something to do, and it'll keep the subs reasonably entertained while they just sit there and wonder why they're not getting to play instead of the ineffective goons we've been starting so far.

Aiken stretch league lead to six points: Aiken City defeated King's Eleven 2-1 at home on goals by Selet Loek and Matt Crannel to improve their record to 8-0-1. A team to challenge their blistering pace has yet to appear, as second-place Lakeport's 3-0 loss at Port Royal helped Aiken widen the gap to six points after nine games played.

Dynamo once again failed to seal the deal, this time ceding a late equalizer to Shuukyuu Kishin to draw 2-2 at home, their fifth draw on the year. The team was sorely lacking the composure of starting goalkeeper Artur Komarov, away on national team duty, and backup Chester Rodrigo folded under pressure and gave up a rebound goal to Yasuo Ishihara in the 85th minute.

Sporting Kildare played a most entertaining match of the week, a 5-3 victory at Bradford United that saw three lead changes and four goals in a ten minute span of the second half. Don Kline, who wasn't called by Shigeru Takeuchi for the national team's Landau qualifier, may have just earned a second look after hitting a hat trick, including the go-ahead goal, in the win. Kildare moved up to 7th with the result.

For a manager of a first place team, manager Franz Braddock certainly didn't seem very pleased with his team's effort.

Even though the Sarzonian national football team remained in first place after a 1:1 away draw against world No. 21 Krytenia, Braddock was fuming. Goalkeeper Cody Taylor may not have been at fault for most of the four goals he conceded against The Holy Empire at Bryan Marshall Memorial Stadium in Woodstock, but he made a rookie keeper's blunder that allowed the Aces to draw first blood.

"That goal was inexcusable," Braddock said. "I told Taylor that as soon as he got within earshot of me."

The team shook off the 11th minute marker and equalised from an unlikely source: defender and team captain Ben Davis. The Stars defender saw a Krytenian midfielder fall directly in front of him after a ball got played toward the suddenly clumsy field player. The ball flew through the air as if it were directed at Davis. The veteran took full advantage and chipped the ball over the Aces keeper as the 36th minute ticked on the scoreboard.

Sure, it was a cheeky goal, but the saying is that it's sometimes better to be lucky than good. This time, Davis had all the luck and he got the Stars onto the scoresheet.

"We didn't deserve that draw the way we played," Braddock said.

"Coach, isn't an away draw against a higher-ranked Krytenia side a good result for the lads?"

"If you asked me that before we played this match, I'd say yes," Braddock said, trying to keep from laying into the reporter who asked. "But we got the goal against the run of play. The way we played, we should have lost this match 4:0. I'm not happy with our effort.

"I'll guarantee you one thing. We will play much better football next time out, or there will be big trouble."

Of all the reporters assembled in the room, Travis West knew better than to ask the question one or two had in mind. He knew Braddock's response. However, an unfortunate reporter from Channel 11 news in Nicksia wasn't so fortunate.

"Coach, what do you think of the side's qualification chances after tonight?"

"How can you ask me that question now? After the match we played? Are you kidding me?

"We've only played three matches out of 10. We haven't done anything. The way we're playing, we're not even going to deserve a Cup of Harmony appearance and you have the nerve to ask me about the World Cup!" He slammed the podium with his right hand, rolled his eyes theatrically and stormed out of the room, slamming the door as he left.

All West could do was shake his head as the reporter turned to face him as if to ask, "what did I do wrong?"

"You'll learn," he mouthed to her as he grabbed his notebook and stood up to return to the media work room to file his story.

Norwellia 3
West Newmanistan 2

West Newmanistan 36 Peckham
Norwellia 56 Ampatis
Norwellia 73 Ikaru
Norwellia 74 Richter
West Newmanistan 81 Chen

Out-of-date StatTracker:

Goalies

Pavel Kaganovic: 6 caps, 6 GA, 1.000 GAA, 2 SO
Syku Lanja: 13 caps, 31 GA, 2.385 GAA, 0 SO
Aleksej Glinka: 1 cap, 5 GA, 5.000 GAA, 0 SO

Defenders

Hydoc Pedlar: 9 caps, 1 GF
백일일: 16 caps
Metheven Tangye: 13 caps
Kentisesh Voreght: 13 caps
Kew Gerry: 10 caps
Aaliyah Morris: 7 caps
Mason Camus: 4 caps
윤신일 ('Yun Sin-il): 4 caps

Midfielders

Sala Ikaru: 20 caps, 6 GF
Mia Frost: 10 caps, 2 GF
Misina Ponten: 15 caps, 2 GF
Mesit Xura: 17 caps, 2 GF
Sherri McGuire: 5 caps, 1 GF
Barbara Senior: 13 caps
Dmitris Roivas: 7 caps
James Howe: 3 caps

Forwards
Alain Vermeeren: 20 caps, 13 GF
Nikos Ampatis: 11 caps, 5 GF
Natalia Richter: 16 caps, 5 GF
Doshese Pagliloe: 2 caps

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 12
PRQ: @ 0-1093 Somewhereistonia (@ oh noz!!! LOST!!! WE'RE LOST!!!)
MD1: 0-1 @ Vephrall (@ oh noz!!! MEICE!!! it's a herd of MEICE!!!)
MD2: 2-3 @ O Ale Ale (@ oh noz!!! BEER!!! it's gallons of wasted BEER!!!)
[COLOR="Navy"]MD3: 3-0 vs Carpathia and Ruthenia (@ Fort Boston, Bostopia - 103,499)
MD5: vs West Zirconia (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MQ: @ ghosts
MD6: vs Vephrall (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MD7: vs O Ale Ale (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MD8: @ Carpathia and Ruthenia (@oh noz!!! VAMPIRES!!! it's next to those damned VAMPIRES!!!)
MD9: vs (@ that big silky stadium for which we have no name yet, Allenheim - 80,000)
MD10: @ West Zirconia (@ STORMGroup Stadium, Mort Park - oh noz!!! DIAMONDS!!! It's fake western DIAMONDS!!!)
PTQ: vs ghosts?

Another day in the misadventures of government. Koryatsky had by then recovered from his expletive induced paranoia, insisting that the world was created by the purple-stinging nellie, of the purple-stinging nellie, and for the purple-stinging nellie. Once he got beyond that paranoia, it was a matter of convincing him that they weren't out to get just him. And finally, he won the right to lock the doors closed to the Cabinet Room. And he had the only key to the room. Plus, he had Kowak's special key thingy for the panel, for a quick escape if needed. And once finally assured that he had total control over his ability to run away from any possible purple-stinging nellie attack, they had a quick discussion.

"So that away match in O Ale Ale was not quite what we anticipated it to be."

"Yes. No beer."

"But lots of wheat, hops, and yeast. So if we wanted to have beer, we could have made it."

"But such things as wheat, hops, and yeast are unknown to those non-agrian peoples. How can they live life without beer?"

"I think beer is proof that God wants us to be happy."

"Who's God?"

"I don't know. I heard about him from some guy at a place called an airport. He's apparently got a big house somewhere out in space and does realty business. He also had a kid that he killed on a wooden T-frame, supposedly so he could build more houses. Anyway, someone said that once about him."

"Okay..."

"Anyway, no beer in O Ale Ale. Thank God we don't have to go there again."

"We lost too."

"But for some reason, some jerk from Carpathia and Ruthenia petitioned to have our game moved from Allemenschen to some other place for safe-ground."

"Yes..."

Koryatsky was just a bit confused this point. Who was talking - he couldn't tell. All that was flowing through his mind was a hodge-podge of "blah blah blah" and "PURPLE-STINGING NELLIE" so much that he was going insane...er. Kowak could easily see the induced state of stupor and decided to call a recess of ten minutes, whereupon the Cabinet Ministers went over the sandbox playground in the corner of the room and had their little bit of fun. Alone with Koryatsky, Kowak tried to reason with the man.

"Are you alright?"

"They're coming..."

"What?"

"Purple-stinging nellies..."

Kowak heaved a brow about. "But we're locked in this room."

"Yes..."

"How will they get into the room if they can't get in?"

"They'll recruit allies..."

"What kind of allies?"

Koryatsky went limp and fainted on the ground. Kowak shrugged his shoulders and went over to join the rest of the Cabinet as they played for the remaining 7 minutes. And when that was all over, they went back and continued to talk.

"So........." Kowak said, trying to restart the discussion. "That game was moved from Allemenschen to Fort Boston."

"Aye."

"And Fort Boston is a top-grade military facitility in Bostopia."

"Aye."

"How did we get the clearance to allow our androids into the park?"

"Um..." The ministers were equally speechless.

"Okay... so assuming that the androids didn't play, how did the purple-stinging nellies get into Bostopia?"

"Well, it's those purple-stinging nellies on a plane, you know?"

"Right... how'd they get on the airplane, if the only thing we call an airport doesn't receive any air traffic?"

"Right..." That response elicited some mutters from the Cabinet. Unable to explain the phenomenon, they ignored it.

"So the nellies actually won 3-0 against Carpathia and Ruthenia. Proof once again that the android team should be crapped and sold for spare parts."

"Absolutely."

"In the meantime, President Koryatsky is lying unconscious to hear this, so we can't offer our evidence as the Council to support the decision to scrap the androids. Needless to say, Marek would advocate invading Somewhereistonia in that stead, so it's probably better."

"Actually, I've heard that they got into a little scuffle with some other country. Maybe they are as bad as they seem to be!"

"I think invading them won't solve the problem."

"But could it make it better?"

Kowak paused. "Maybe..."

Just then, the distinct sound of glass breaking erupted in the room as the Cabinet members all turned around to face the horrible truth. They were being invaded! By purple-stinging nellies! But how?

"They're riding upon bovine geese!!!"

At that, every man in the Cabinet rushed over to Koryatsky's limp body, seeking an escape, knowing very much that he had all of the keys. Except that he didn't. In fact, he hardly had any key on his body. Kowak turned to the horde of purple-stinging nellies and bovine geese as the space in the room suddenly turned terse. "We are so fucked..."

Fromburg Free Press
World Cup 46 Coverage

Who would have thought a shoot-out would occur between two of the better defendign teams in this group? A 5-4 win, in which each niether team could keep a lead for more than 10 minutes. Starblaydia started the scoring with a quick goal in the 7th minute, sending the home crowd into an early frenzy. But Brent Folks strcuk home just 6 minutes later, in the 13th to tie it at 1-1 after a sliding kick on a corner from Luella Escareno. Qazox took its first lead at 2-1 in the 24th minute when Angel Kenworthy rocketed a shot home from 28 yards. But once again the lead was short lived, as Starblaydia tied it at 2-2 just 3 minutes later.

Just before the half, in the 40th minute; Angel Kenworthy made it 3-2 on a penalty kick after Matilda Swords was pulled down in the penalty area by a Starblaydi defender. Swords injured her knee on the foul and Deana Kuhlman came in for Swords. Swords injury is not serious, just a strain.

Leading 3-2, Qazox came out looking to extend the lead, but a stiff Starblaydi counter-attack tied it again at 3-all at the 49 minute mark. Starblaydia took its final lead at 4-3 just 7 minutes later when Bernette Swinson was called for a handball just outside the penalty area. But that lead wouldn't last either as Deana Kuhlman tied it at 4-4 in the 65th minute.

After the 4th tie of the game, niether team could get much offense going, until the 86th minute when Ivy Habib snuck home a shot that was deflected in by a Starblaydi defender. The home crowd groaned in agony when a shot just sailed over the head of Marc Klick 3 minutes into injury time.

Now the team must travel to Dariusville, where the winning ways should continue.


THE Fromburg Free Press PRESENTS
The 9th Best Player
in Black Oxen/Pheonix Footballing History

Player: Anthony Mason
Played in: Baptism of Fire 14, World Cup 27-30 qualifiers.
Caps: 62 (t5th most in team history)
Goals: 8
Best Moment: Game winning goal against The Doja at World Cup 30 qualifying.

While not a proficient goal scorer, Andrew Mason, 1/2 of the Mason twins, was the better defender and remained healthier than his Brother. Still alive at the age of 102, Andrew is the oldest remaining member of the Orginal team. He still owns Mason's Exporting, a company founded by his brother and himself just over 50 years ago.

(one week later, in the second session of the trial)

JUDGE ALRADE - "Please ask for Mr. Scout to come here."

AGENT CAPIAU - "I present you the main witness of the case, The Scout, former scout of the CCFM!"

JUDGE ALRADE - "Welcome, Mr. Scout, and go to your place."

(The Scout goes to his place and sits down)

JUDGE ALRADE - "The Scout, you have been the main informant of this case, and the one who provided to the Empire the necessary information for the accusing of the five defendants here."

THE SCOUT - "Actually, two of them. My information only linked directly to the crime the names of Carlos Alberto Urubupungá and Michel Casaverde, although I believe it was impossible for Ronaldo Bustos to not know about their illegal actions. After all, nearly everything related with the CCFM passed through him."

JUDGE ALRADE - "So it's time for we to begin to question you, so we can think about the information you have about this case. First, do you swear for your own money that you will only tell the truth?"

THE SCOUT - "Yes, for my money!"

JUDGE ALRADE - "That seems more than enough. The Prosecutor can question the witness. Feel free to make your questions, Lord Naplas."

LORD NAPLAS - "Thanks, Your Honor. I had the pleasure to hear the information which The Scout had supplied to the Empire about this case, and I am sure they will be enough to condemn the five defendants."

THE SCOUT - "Although I don't agree about this."

LORD NAPLAS - "What?"

THE SCOUT - "As I said, the evidence I collect only point out to two of them, and I have strong suspicions about another one... but the last two... I don't think they were really involved in this."

LORD NAPLAS - "Well, this isn't among the things I'll ask to you, Mister. We'll have plenty of time to discuss many things, so we'll start from your work. What was your job inside the CCFM?"

THE SCOUT - "I worked as the main scout for the organization, although my job was limited to issues related to our domestic league, so I didn't work as a spy."

LORD NAPLAS - "And how did you do your work?"

THE SCOUT - "Basically, I went to football games involving nations shortlisted by the CCFM and, after them, had freedom to write some players who impressed me. At the end of a World Cup, I just had to hand the list to the President and he'd work towards the signing of these players, after consulting the league teams."

LORD NAPLAS - "So all you did was to watch games and write players' names?"

THE SCOUT - "This, of course, after analyzing them. I know when a player has a good future in front of him."

LORD NAPLAS - "Okay, this is not the issue here. You said that the nations you were sent to were shortlisted by the CCFM..."

THE SCOUT - "That's right."

LORD NAPLAS - "So the choice wasn't yours."

THE SCOUT - "In this case, not."

LORD NAPLAS - "And can you tell me why?"

THE SCOUT - "Don't know. Political, economic reasons..."

LORD NAPLAS - "Nothing to do with football, am I right?"

THE SCOUT - "Probably yes."

URUBUPUNGÁ - "That's a lie, The Scout knows more than anyone the real reasons behind the shortlist of nations! It has nothing to do with politics! They come after a study of the nation's willingness of negotiating players and their strength in the football scene!"

BUSTOS - "That is right! And that's the reason why we rarely send offers for the same nation on two World Cup cycles! Usually when we send offers to a nation after one World Cup, it won't receive offers in the next one, to later probably receive offers in the other, that's how things work! The CCFM don't wish to buy nearly a whole National Team, and wouldn't press associations to negotiate with us every transfer window! It has nothing to do with politics!"

JUDGE ALRADE - "Please do not interrupt! Please continue, Lord."

LORD NAPLAS - "So the President of CCFM could deliberately send you to see games of countries which he had previously agreed to send offers for players by a certain value and then claim this value to be far higher?"

THE SCOUT - "Surely."

LORD NAPLAS - "And do you believe that's what happened during this transfer window?"

THE SCOUT - "Without doubt. And that was the reason why I was fired. I recused to carry out the orders of President Urubupungá."

LORD NAPLAS - "So he told you about his scheme?"

THE SCOUT - "Yes. I wouldn't get involved directly with it but, when I'd address the associations shortlisted about our offers for their players, I'd have to let them know about Urubupungá's plan to claim the deal as being of a higher value than the real one."

LORD NAPLAS - "So you got a lot of information about his plans!"

THE SCOUT - "Absolutely. I have recorded one of my conversations with Urubupungá, in which he told me details of his plans to earn some money at the Empire's costs!"

LORD NAPLAS - "And this is one of the evidences we have with us."

JUDGE ALRADE - "Our evidence analyzer, Mr. X, have heard it. Let's hear what he has to say. Mr. X?"

MR. X - "I checked both the physical structure of the tape and the recording itself, and can assure you it is a hundred percent real! Indeed, both voices are of Carlos Alberto Urubupungá and The Scout, respectively, and it wasn't forged."

LORD NAPLAS - "So, Mr. Scout, I'd like to change a bit of subject... or better, of defendant... and ask you: you got fired because you didn't agree with what Urubupungá was trying to do, isn't it right?"

THE SCOUT - "Yes, it is."

LORD NAPLAS - "So how can you consider Jonas Bigodinho innocent if, after taking your position as a scout, he agreed at following Urubupungá's orders, orders which contained the information that he was doing an illegal thing?"

THE SCOUT - "He knew this, but he didn't participate in it."

LORD NAPLAS - "How didn't he participate if he sent the messages?"

THE SCOUT - "He was forced to do this. He was new in the job, and would lose it! And, different from me, he doesn't have fame. He'd be cursed if Urubupungá fired him!"

LORD NAPLAS - "Okay, okay... damn, too bad the Cafundéu game is now... I'd like to watch it..."

BIGODINHO - "Yes, this is really a sad thing."

JARDINS - "Of course! Many of the players playing today have me as agent!"

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Oh, shut up! I have more things to worry about!"

JUDGE ALRADE - "Once again I am sorry for this, Prosecutor."

THE SCOUT - "You shouldn't worry so much about the National Team. It isn't a healthy thing."

LORD NAPLAS - "Why?"

THE SCOUT - "What do you think when Cafundéu wins a game?"

LORD NAPLAS - "I'm satisfied for that, as they have done their mission to defeat weaker opponents."

THE SCOUT - "And what do you feel when we lose?"

LORD NAPLAS - "Really frustrated, sad even. I feel bad for nearly all day."

THE SCOUT - "See? Following the results of your National Team does you more harm than good nowadays. Do like me: after today, I have decided to not look to the games of Cafundéu anymore, until the qualification for the World Cup ends!"

LORD NAPLAS - "What? You won't see the games? So how will you know when we qualify or not?"

THE SCOUT - "When the qualification ends, I will know. I'll check. After all, it is impossible to not follow the World Cup games. I'll do this only with the qualifying."

LORD NAPLAS - "I'm not sure if I could do this."

THE SCOUT - "Have a try. Cafundéu lost today... won't this make you depressed?"

LORD NAPLAS - "Yes."

THE SCOUT - "So avoid feeling bad again. You must face that, even if the team loses, that this is only a simple football game, and nothing important will change in your life with it. Don't feel dependant of it, the situation is the opposite! It is dependant of you, learn to dominate it and understand that nothing is wrong if things go wrong with the team!"

BIGODINHO - "Wise words. I was already a fan of yours, and now I'm even more!"

THE SCOUT - "Thanks."

LORD NAPLAS - "Can we take a rest after this? Later, we'll talk about each of Urubupungá's deals, nation by nation..."


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


ALICE I - "So, is The Scout helping us?"

BARON BOSHCKE - "He is extremely helpful. He is slowly eliminating the chances of our criminals to escape a punishment!"

ALICE I - "But what is this story of him believing that Bigodinho and Jardins are innocent?"

BARON BOSHCKE - "Personal opinion, my Queen. We can't avoid this, if he believes those two didn't take part in the crime, there's nothing we can do."

ALICE I - "But this surely can go against us, can't it? If the biggest witness of the case defends those two, they have chances of escaping!"

BARON BOSHCKE - "The evidences will speak against them, I believe. You can be sure they have more negative than positive points, your Highness."

ALICE I - "You shouldn't just believe, you should be sure! We can have problems!"

BARON BOSHCKE - "At least he is fully condemning the CCFM directors."

ALICE I - "At least."

PRINCE HECTOR - "The good part comes soon. One by one, The Scout will comment about the deals made by Urubupungá..."

BARON BOSHCKE - "But he doesn't have all the knowledge... big part of the deals were made by Bigodinho."

PRINCE HECTOR - "So he'll have to talk."

ALICE I - "I'm curious to see how the criminal will talk...hehe."

Northbrae, Achtervolging - With the Lions managing to arrive on time, they managed to pull off a convincing 4-1 victory over Rejistania.

"Showing up for the opening kick-off seemed to work wonders for us," said team captain Harald Wevers, who also scored the opening goal of the match. "Being able to defend our goal was crucial to not conceding any early goals."

In fact, being there for the entire first half allowed the Lions to finish the first 45 minutes up 3 to nil, with Prats and Elestadt also scoring. The second half seemed to trouble them however.

"We need to work on conditioning," said the manager. "Playing for a full 90 minutes at the world stage seems to be a little harder than our domestic league." Achtervolging got their 4th goal early into the second frame on a Bradley Sheron free-kick 25 yards out in the 49th minute, but then it was all Rejistania.

Lions keeper Edwin Nelisse was not impressed with his defenders. "It felt like they just gave up," he said. "The first half, nothing. I could of had some tea. Second half, not a chance, I barely had time to drink my water bottle."

With the victory Achtervolging improves to 1-0-2 with a -1 goal difference, good enough for 3rd place early in the qualifying.

Their next match is on Monday, against either Pasarga or Urna Eletrônica, and could be at either of those nation's stadium, or possibly at home in Southbrae or Twenteraan. Ticket holders are advised to show up to the stadium just in case the match is a home tie.

INSTITUTE STOPS INVASION OF FOREIGN OBJECT INTO TEAM'S NET IN QUALIFIERS' THIRD GAME

So far, the Institute members are doing a fine campaign in the World Cup qualifiers. After repeating the third position conquered by (ugh) Estresse Intenso in the Baptism of Fire, they entered in a difficult group in the World Cup qualifiers, having to play against Bears Armed and Dancougar. Adding Liventia to the group, this group really was a nearly impossible one for a newcomer like the Landau Institute to qualify from. But the doctors and patients are doing a fine performance so far. In the first game, a victory. In the second, an expected loss. But the biggest result of the team so far has been the 0-0 draw in the game against Dancougar. If usually the doctors have the job to avoid foreign viruses, bacterias, etc. to enter in the body of their patients, today they were excellent at not letting a particular foreign object (a football ball) enter inside their goal which, as we must comment, changed after half-time. A brilliant performance of Doctor Maldonado was the biggest responsible for such a feat, and everyone inside the Institute is really hoping for the continuation of the team's good performances.

Another good point of our team in this game was the good fitness showed by our players, especially our attacking players, who could run the entire game and even create some good chances, unfortunately all missed. Dr. Alien was slightly disappointing, mostly because, due to his extreme strength and speed, he should take a very important role in the team and use all his supernatural abilities to help the team to succeed. Instead, he had a shy performance, although he didn't do badly. But, of course, we can't criticize the team after such a good performance. If Dr. Alien played more, appeared more into the game, maybe we could even get a victory! Yes, that would be asking too much in a game against Dancougar, but dreaming isn't a sin, is it? Well, that's all for this report, stay healthy and informed. On our next editions, we won't talk about football (at least not directly about it, although the theme will pop up) due to a problem we're having with our journalists with the team, and they won't be able to send us the results. But we'll use this opportunity to start our series about the Institute's main diseases, and how can you get protected against them!

--> Don't click on that! Send the money to Jeruselem instead.

Kaye's Blog

I'm tired. It's been a long day ...

I had drive Mum home from hospital early in the morning. Then I had get my brothers to work. I dropped Dad off at the pub for his social life and then I had to drive to get to the Jeru FC game.

It was a great game for the team who played well for our leader. We won FOUR TWO although the two goals scored by the visitors could have been avoided if the defenders were paying attention during the game. The team were quite inspired but this also meant we spent a lot of energy winning the game. All of us were pretty buggered after the game. The day was far from finished.

We had to scramble back to barracks and change into the army uniform. Jeru FC had to march as the first lot during the funeral procession. Yes, us ... after we just played a game. Apparently the army though it was great idea to get Jeru FC to march in the procession as PR exercise. They didn't ask the Jeruselem team to do the same, we all know what Princess Marie would have said to them.

Having marched around the city and we're really tired by now. We have march back to barracks! Apparently, the team bus broke down. We somehow managed to get there without falling over and killing ourselves, and we're still not finished. It was duty day, so we all had to clean up the barracks since we couldn't do this for the rest of the day.

Now, it's 10 PM and we still weren't quite finished. By now, everyone can barely walk. We had to sit through some kind of meeting. We can't remember what was about because we almost asleep. Anyway, we got to bed at 12 midnight. That's after waking up at 5 AM on the same day.

Sure enough, we get woken up at 5 AM next day. The team are pretty tired still and suffering from lack of real sleep. Anyway, I wake up and that annoying officer is there. I get out of bed, or more correctly ... fall out. I wasn't wearing anything actually, I just forgot because I was so tired. He asked why I wasn't wearing anything and I said my real name was Dazza Dallas. He didn't like the joke but he worked out I wasn't someone who took crap.

We had our duties done and didn't want to go to training. It was frigging raining and we were far from awake by now. The coach turned up and said no training today. He's a good man. He looked a bit worn out after yesterday too.

So I went back to bed to get more sleep. I didn't wear anything either. Some of my teammates took videos of me sleeping and put them on some web sites. I wasn't too happy about that when I saw them later, but maybe it could help me get a different career other than the army. I got in trouble again but who cares. I didn't take videos of myself but they didn't get into trouble.

Griffinville Gazette

If it weren't for a fire hydrant, suspiciously located near the far goal, the side that the Canines had to defend in the 2nd half, Champ's (a 4 yr old Akita Inu) 57th minute goal would have been enough to preserve Princess' ( a3 yr old Golden retriver) shut-out streak. But distracted by the hydrant, the Tar Hornets' Martin Lancaster tied it up at 1-1 all. But after relieving themselves, the Canines did manage to hold on for the draw, keeping them in 2nd place in Group 4.

The team comes home to face Wessia, before making embarking, pardon the pun, on a three game trip through Kura-Pelland, Nong Nang Ning and Lecland.

THE ROCKET REPORT

ROCKETS RESPOND IN CRUCIAL GAME

Pocono City, Newmanistan- Had the Rockets lost this, the “Fire Yaschter” chants may have begun. Now, with this victory in their back pocket, Newmanistan once again looks like a team that may qualify for the World Cup as opposed to the team that took to the field in the first two games. More work must be done, but at least right now we are thinking positive thoughts about the prospects of advancing to the proper, like we should. Following a 2-1 victory with Empress Jessica herself in attendance, the Rockets have a result they can build on. Yafor 2 had played terrific football in their first two matches, and stood as a formidable foe for a team hadn’t been sharp in it’s first two games.

As we celebrate this victory, let’s not get to carried away. Newmanistan did not solve everything that had gone wrong in their first two games. What they showed was progress or perhaps the Nelson Yaschter read our article about the post-McAllister doldrums and gave the team a good kick in the ass during training. We saw Matthew Turner play more assertive tonight; he had been a little tentative in our first couple meetings, perhaps a product of his youthfulness and not being ready to carry the weight of an Empire on his shoulders. He was not perfect, but he was better, and that’s all we could ask of him. He put pressure on Amern S’toris for most of the game, and it looked like young defender Anamer Tascarnin seemed a little jittery in the opening moments. It was Turner’s 10th minute goal that had sparked this team, and his confidence. It helped that Tascarnin fell on the play, but some may say that was first break in which the Rockets had gotten since qualifying began. Turner shot low and inside the post as the keeper expected him to roof the shot. Because maybe that’s what Matthew Turner has been trying to do too much. Shoot high. Make the shot not only be perfect but a thing of beauty to watch, and the keepers have found this out. It’s not as if Turner has never gone low before, he does it confidently with Shuukyuu Kishin, and Loudon before that. But at this level, he’s been looking for perfection.

It’s amazing what a one-goal lead can do. The Rockets were playing with confidence, and it was becoming more then just Matthew Turner. Midfielder Keith Taylor, who’s been doing many of the little things right, but struggling to produce offense was the one that seemed to feed off this the most. Let us not forget that Taylor is a converted midfielder, placed there when Nelson Yaschter took over and changed the classic Newmanistanian 4-3-3 formation to a more conventional 4-4-2. Yaschter pulled Brett Carlson from the starting lineup, which started that whole escapade, and Taylor was given the opportunity. With Nethertopia’s NAPPC, Taylor still plays up front, but the now 28-year old has always shown the willingness to do whatever it takes to help his country. “I’m honored to wear the sky blue and white and to play for a great coach like Nelson,” Taylor has told us, “It’s not often any more that I play in Newmanistan so when I do I want to do my best,” is a common quote from Taylor. He’s still expected to produce offense and so far he hadn’t done so as many people thought he was trying to force plays that weren’t there in the first two games. Keith was a lot more settled down in this match, which is a very promising sign.

We also have young Billy Prescott, who we must remember is still only 22 years of age. As Billy plays in Jeruselem professionally, he was one of the few players on our roster who have been saddened by the news of the passing of King Richard I of Jeruselem, a well respected leader. Certainly, on behalf of The Rocket Report, we do wish to express our condolences to the royal family and to the Jeruselem people who are more affected by his death. Empress Jessica also expressed her sympathies to the King’s family and reportedly had a short talk with Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas prior to the funeral. Prescott took out some frustrations on the Yaforite players, with some hard and rough play, but the Yafor 2 players, who are known for being a tough group themselves were not a team that held up their arms looking for a card every time. This seemed to give Billy more confidence as the game went on. We had privately wondered if he has been trying to do too much for this team in the first two games. Pre-qualifying quotes from him have shown that he was very cognizant of the team’s history in the first two games, and he has looked like he was trying to do too much. Getting on the board first, and quickly, seemed to relax him quite as well.

There have been no problems with the defensive effort, and even when Jaria Soradrin tied up the match in the 42nd minute, a potentially back-breaking goal so late in the first half, they maintained their composure. There were no bad breakdowns defensively on the goal, or bad positioning on the part of Jason Hargrove. Simply put, a good team made a nice play and got rewarded.

It is often said that the team that scores so late in the first half will have momentum going into the second, and that is correct more often then it is not, but tonight was one of those cases where it seemed to energize the Rockets. With the way that Hargrove and the defense have tried to carry this team, the offense knew that they had to pick them up. We’ve been told that the locker room discussions were heated, but in a good way, about needing to get that goal back. Yafor 2 played well to begin the second half also, and things were not going to be easy. Much of the early portions of the second half were bogged down in midfield as the team’s fought for position. With a few opportunities here and there for each side, time took a way past sixty, and then seventy minutes, with the score all tied up at one.

It was here that the crowd at Pocono City Stadium was getting a little restless and calling for the substitution of Jeremy McAllister, Jr. into the match, likely to replace Jennifer Vilardi. We’re sure that Nelson Yaschter had thought this, and at the 77-minute mark the sign came up. 15 out, 18 in. Shannon Vilardi? This stunned the crows and had many wondering if Yaschter knew what he was doing. Two minutes later, we got our answer. GOAL!! Shannon Vilardi did not score it, but she set the play up, which was shot home by Billy Prescott. 2-1 Rockets! Now it makes sense, Shannon and Billy are club teammates, after all. Never doubt Nelson Yaschter.

The defense made the plays that were needed and the Rockets held on for the win. For now, it can give the team confidence. They did a lot right tonight, but it will take more of this in the upcoming games. The McLaughlin Islands and Steroga, yes, Steroga, are very much alive and will do what it takes to remain that way. To get these wins that are essential for our qualification chances, the Rockets will need to build on this confidence, and not just have it be a one game wonder.

Here is some post-game reaction:

Yaschter: “We played much better tonight. But we have to be careful not to become one of those teams that plays to the level of their opponent. They should be pumped for Yafor 2. We will need to bring that into our next two games as well. I’m proud with the effort that everyone made tonight.”

Turner: “The first goal helped. We know that we need to get over that first loss, and getting a win here makes up for it a little bit, but not entirely. We need to put a streak together.”

J Vilardi: “Historically, we come alive after the first two games and then play better in the second half, so I think this win will relax us a lot more.”

S Vilardi: “Nelson told me that I was going to go in the game around that time, so I was expecting it. We kinda felt that they would be expecting Junior, and even our fans were. So we threw them a curveball. Billy and I are very comfortable with each other, he’s a great player. You know, with the passing of King Richard, he, Jenn and I wanted to do something special tonight. I hope this was.”

LaFave: “Defensively, we were strong. We’ve been doing a great job in the back end. Sometimes I’ve had to remind the younger guys (Loughran and Selvy) not to become to frustrated with our lack of goal scoring, because there will be days where they’ll need to pick us up. Our minds are focused again on the prize, and it’s time to go get it. Like Matty said, it’s time to put a winning streak together and put the pressure back on The Macabees and the rest of the group. You can read it in their press releases, they’re getting more confident. We need to put a stop to that, and it’s time to do that right now!”

Queen Kate is pushing a trolley with something on it that looks like a birthday cake box ...

Henry: Who's birthday it is?
Kate: It's not a birthday cake, you can't eat it. It's obvious what is it.
Henry: Oh, my crown ... or Dad's crown.
Kate: Well, it's your now. I just want check it actually fits.

Henry: When's the last time we used it?
Kate: Well, there's two of these. This one is only for the coronation. It's too heavy and useless for any other purpose.
Henry: Where's the other one?
Kate: It's sitting on the Hello Kitty statue next to you.

Henry: Oh that's what it was.
Kate: Now I want see if this damn thing fits ... let's see ...
Henry: It's too big for my head.
Kate: We'll have to shove more padding under the crown here.

Henry: I'm glad I don't wear this all the time.
Kate: Try the other one on, it's on the cat.
Henry: I like this one better.
Kate: Yes, that one is actually practical.

Henry: So the Pope person puts that one on me, but I walk around with this one.
Kate:: Yes, we once dropped that one. Smashed one of the gemstones in it.
Henry: Where's the Queen's crown?
Kate: I think Marie's got it in her room. You don't need it there isn't a Queen.

Henry: But you're still Queen.
Kate: I know, but I'll be King's mother soon.
Henry: That makes Dazza, the King's Grandmother.
Kate: That sounds kinda weird ...

Marie walks wearing the Queen's Coronation crown

Kate: That's mine Marie.
Marie: I like it ...
Kate: You're not exactly Henry's wife here.
Henry: Pity we're related.

Marie: Can I have my own? I don't have a crown.
Kate: You can't have that one. It's still mine sis.
Marie: I suppose!
Kate: You can wear my tiaras then.

Marie: Yeah, I like bling.
Kate: I think my son needs a wife now.
Marie: Pity of most pretty girls around here are relatives.
Henry: Any ideas?

Marie: You like army girls?
Henry: I dunno, most of them look like gorillas to me or are bit too manly.
Marie: Kaye in Jeru FC seems to a nice girl. She's a bit weird but she seems OK.
Henry: I think her family are bunch of losers.

Kate: Poor girl ... what about that Maggie girl.
Marie: You mean Qaz Daz.
Henry: Oh her, she's nice. Quirky person ...
Kate: She's Qazian like Ryan.

Henry: She seems nice enough.
Kate: What about Hikfie Dallas's daughter?
Henry: We are related ...
Kate: Only the same grandmother. And I think she's part Milchamian anyway.

Henry: Our family seems to have a lot of funny blood in it.
Kate: Well, that's Mums fault.
Marie: No chance of inbreeding with us Dallas girls.
Henry: More outbreeding ...

PHANTOMS OF THE OPERETA

No opera singers chose to sponsor the games against Opereta in the manner that Progression Soups did for the games with Lemetel, and that probably wasn’t necessary because Secristan Department of Sports had their own plan for generating interest for the game. You see, the nation of Opereta is actually a city in Urna Eletronica. It is what a group of proud poor people call themselves as they reside in the subway system of the city of Caixa Dois, which is the largest city in Urna Eletronica. Certainly this kind of impoverished crowd is the type that we laugh at here in Secristan and would not generate any kind of sympathy for us. Are they exploited by Urna Eletronica’s politicians? Well, that’s just too damn bad. Go out and make your own money. That’s actually what they are trying to do, and they must get credit for that effort instead of making Urna Eletronica have to institute a welfare system for them. The SDOS was smart to use this in their advertising, so that our people could enjoy watching our great athlete’s make a mockery out of a group of lowlifes. The players respected the Opereta opponents as any other that they have faced to this point, but that’s not what the SDOS played it up as. Katie Simpson, our SDOS rep, explains, “Our upper class always enjoys a good solid beating of poor people who want the government to fix their problems. We wanted to make sure that they were of the situation that exists with this Opereta team. The tie in with Urna Eletronica was also important, because they were a fellow Baptism of Fire team, and one that did well.” This was a successful advertising campaign as the SDOS reports that purchases of the pay-per-view telecast were 19% higher then they were expecting following the Lemetel game, therefore that figure does not include the higher then anticipated purchases of the entire qualifying package.

Secristani players were rather undisciplined at the beginning of the match, picking up four yellow cards in the first twenty minutes. Two of them went to Trevor Orton forcing his ejection and subsequent suspension for the next match against Capitalizt SLANI on the road. All the cards were the result of the same thing, taunting. It seemed as though our players were laying out the insults of their players all game long. They were able to goad Opereta into three yellow cards as well, including two to Artur Itaquera, sending him off, and having the game played at ten men aside. Secristan scored their two goals around the halfway point, the first in the 41st minute by Scott Tollison and the second in the 49th from Matthew Marino. The two goal lead held until very late when Barra Funda scored in the 87th. Even the goal proved frustrating as Barra Funda fell as he celebrated and appeared to hurt his leg in the process. The resulting 2-1 victory puts our record at 2-0-1, and we are tied for second with Capitalizt SLANI, who was dropped by Bazalonia in a wild one, 6-3. Hopefully we can exploit their defense for half that many goals, which would probably be enough. It’s an important game for us as we’re going to need to be on top form to beat our fellow capitalists.

Akbarabd fight to a battling draw.

(Akbarabad press, AP): Akbarabad battled to an exciting draw away at Kosovoe. Altough the team twice took the lead through Samin Akbar and Mohammed Rashid respectively, the home teammanaged to hit back and hang on for a draw. Kosovoe, the second highest ranked team in the group were expected to be Akbarabads' toughest competition for a world cup place but in fact had started badly with two defeats before this game. This result leaves Akbarabad as the only undefeated team in the group, but still only in third place. The team next hosts top seed Cafundéu who while still topping the group stumbled to a shocking defeatto lowet ranked Phillips Island.

World Cup 46 Recap

Hello and welcome to this recap show for the Football World Cup. We are currently three games in to the cup, and our Sandrian boys are doing extremely well with three wins. While they had an early friendly loss to rivals Bears Armed, one nil, they have fully recovered.

Their first game was against unknowns Australiazia, an unranked team. The game was played in Delphi, at the Peisandros Bowl, infront of a reasonably sized crowd. The Sandrians scored early through a great counter-attack, lead by Olympia City players Apollodoros Notara and Paris Sisinis. A calm cross from Sisinis saw Costa Theotokis head in for the first goal and an early lead. The second was not fair behind, in the twenty forth minute, as Costa unleashed a trademark rocket from outside the box. The keeper had no chance and could only blame his defenders for giving Costa so much space. Peisandros went in to the half-time break at two nil. They dominated the second as much as the first. An early opportunity was seized upon by Praxis Nikolaidis, as a defender made a complete mess of a clearing kick. Nikolaidis was left one-on-one with the keeper, and finished expertly. Then the game entered a holding period, with the Sandrians seemingly content with a three goal buffer. However with ten minutes to go, the Australiazians pushed too many up front and the Sandrians punished them, captain Halkias finishing the move nicely to push the lead to four. The last goal came in extra time as the Theotokis twins tore through midfield, Costa securing his hat-trick. A five nil start to the qualifying process, not bad.

Peisandros: 5 (C. Theotokis 16', 24', 92', Nikolaidis 49', Halkias 81')
Australiazia: 0

Next up for Peisandros was another home game, this time against Somewhereistonia in Olympia. From the outset this was going to be harder, as Somewhereistonia have a ranking of 59. The game did indeed prove to be tough, with second half goals to Praxis Nikolaidis and defender Luke Erasmus enough to seal the deal, after both teams scored first half goals. Peisandros opened the scoring from a corner in the thirty second minute, when Apollodoros Notara played a short ball to Nikolaidis who whipped in a cross to the feet of Costa Theotokis, who flicked in to open the scoring. Somewhereistonia hit back well and dominated play after the Sandrian goal. They were rewarded just before the break when the defense finally faltered, with Kukas Skormilonsk scoring a well finished goal to level the scores up. In the second half the momentum changed again. Praxis Nikolaidis, who was a menace all game, proved to be the toughest assignment for the defense. He finally put one in the back of the net in the seventy forth minute after strong Sandrian defense lead to a turnover inside Peisandros territory. Luke Sisinis found his brother Paris with a delighful long ball, who in turn gave Nikolaidis a wonderful through ball and the twenty-one year old was in. The third goal came from another corner with just three minutes left on the clock. Erasmus was pushed forward as one of the taller defenders and thanks to a beautiful delivery by Notara, was able to head in near the far post to double the lead. Peisandros winners again and looking very solid.

Peisandros: 3 (C. Theotokis 32', Nikolaidis 74', Erasmus 87')
Somewhereistonia: 1 (Skormilonsk 43')

The latest game the Sandrians played was away at Edward City, a tough game from the outset. The two teams were drawn together in the 45th World Cup, where Peisandros won twice. Firstly a 4-2 victory away then a closer 1-0 victory at home. This time Edward City came in to the cup with a 42 world ranking, making them Peisandros' greatest competition for the second qualifying spot. The game started at a frantic pace, with each team seemingly understanding the importance of a good start. Edward City came out just a bit better though, with a few early chances which Dorian Theotokis did well to save. After the second such opportunity he had a stern word to the much younger defensive quartet which seemed to kick them in to action. As it can be with football, the increased defensive effort seemed to lead to the midfielders stepping their game and even the strikers looked more alert. It was ultimately this alertness which led to the first goal, with George and Costa Theotokis pulling off a wonderful one-two, bamboozling two defenders, and left George with a a shot on goal which he took with ease. The goal gave Peisandros the lead going in to the half and a much needed confidence boost. Second half play was again tense, but in the seventieth minute the result was put out of doubt by a piece of Praxis Nikolaidis brilliance. After inching forward through the midfield, the ball was given to Nikolaidis twenty metres from the box. He noticed the keeper slightly out of position and launched his effort. The keeper seemed to have it covered but in reality he had no chance. The ball cannoned off the bottom of the crossbar and in for a stunning goal. Two nil and that's how it finished.

Peisandros: 2 (G. Theotokis 41', Nikolaidis 70')
Edward City: 0

The Sandrians have two more games remaining in this first half of qualifying. Firstly they play Golgothastan who look to be the surprise package of the group, then the number one seeds Sorthern Northland. If they can pick up a win against Golgothastan, qualifying would be expected. With three from three they are one of only nine teams left in the cup with a perfect record, but one of these is Sorthern Northland. These two games should be fascinating with a full crowd expected at the People of Ephesum Stadium for the Golgothastan match. Please stay tuned for continued coverage of the Football World Cup, as Peisandros look to qualify for the second time.

World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Iglesian Archipelago (6-2)
MD2: Greal VS Bostopia (1-0)
MD3: Greal VS Chutnusak (0-1)
MD4: Greal VS Septentrionia
MD5: Greal VS Italia Orientale
MD6: Greal VS Iglesian Archipelago
MD7: Greal VS Bostopia
MD8: Greal VS Chutnusak
MD9: Greal VS Septentrionia
MD10: Greal VS Italia Orientale


Greal VS Septentrionia Preview

Today's match against Septentrionia will determine who may dominate the group along with Bostopia. The question still remains uneasily, will Greal qualify? Septentrionia is ten places above Greal in terms of ranking, but, considering the recent match against Bostopia, rankings aren't everything and don't guarantee victory. Greal will be playing Septentrionia in standard formation. Weather service earlier reported the possibility of rain, but later that was changed to cloudy skies today, with almost no chance of raining. Television Service estimates there may slight increase in viewers if the Greali do well, but that isn't guaranteed either. Michael Istoma will not be able to play in today's match.

In other matches of group one.

Bostopia faces Iglesian Archipelago today.

Chutnusak will be taking on Italia Orientale.

-----------------------------------------------

"Here it comes." said Ross.

"Today's game, what are you thinking?" asked Roger.

"Draw."

"Me too unfortunately."

"You guys are cowards, I want a narrow win." said Ethan, scowling at his friends.

"You might not get it." said Ross unhappily.

"The Bar is right here." interrupted Fred.

"Its pretty packed, but we got seats as usual."

"Yes we do, thanks to Ethan here."

"How did he get them?"

"You don't want to know."

"DAVID, WE NEED TO GET YOU OUT OF YOUR ROOM."
"What, why?"
"TIME FOR THE ANNUAL RAT CHECK AND GENERAL UPKEEP."
"I'm not fat at all!"
"NO DAVID. RAT. RAT CHECK!!!1!1!111!!!11111!!!1!!One!!1!11SHIFT!!!"
"Oh. Those. Okay. Where do I go?"
"YOU CAN SPEND SOME TIME IN THE LOUNGE, BARRY WILL HELP YOU."
"Barry, good. I didn't enjoy the Overthereisthewayia game."
"SOMEWHEREISTONIA. WHY NOT?"
"Whatever. We didn't play very well in the first half, that won't win us a World Cup."
"YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT. ANYWAY, YOU CAN WATCH THE EDWARD CITY GAME WHEN WE'RE DONE IN HERE."
"Excellent."

Barry was a nice guy. Not too sharp, but nice. He was a bulky fellow, with big arms and a very solid chest, but he was gentle. He helped a lot with moving us older folk around and I liked him. Prefer to have him move me to my wheelchair rather than some clumsy nurse. Anyway Barry lifted me in to the chair and pushed me in to the lounge. I didn't tend to enjoy the lounge, although everyone was nice enough. Barry left me near the corner and watching him walk away took me back to a vivid memory, right where I had left the story last time.

It was the game against Olympiacos Utd, just a few months before the first City v Country game. The first half I had managed to avoid any major trouble from the dirty team, but we were under the pump and down 2-0. A defining moment in my career was just minutes away and I had no idea. The ball was cleared from one of their defenders and found me at left back. I took the ball down and surveyed my options. Not finding anyone open I was forced to confront the Olympiacos striker. He came at me hard but I used my agility and ball skill to dart infield, to the right. Out of nowhere a midfielder came and crashed in to my right ankle, well away from the ball. I had been blindsided horribly and the pain was immense. The referee could no longer ignore the glaringly obvious infringements. As I lay on the ground in immense pain I saw the referee handing out a red card. Which is where Barry comes in, as the Olympiacos player had an almost identical frame to big Barry.

Anyway, as it turns out the injury wasn't at all that bad. The doctor ran out and after a play around with the ankle he could conclude that it wasn't broken but I should probably stop playing, because of the possible ligament damage. Plus the pain was at a pretty bad level, an indicator that perhaps things weren't all rosy. However I knew this could be only chance at nailing a Country jersey so, after some magic water, decided to stay on and try run off the pain. That never really works, but I was able to play on. If anything the injury hyped the rest of the River Nektar boys up and we started playing very good football. Personally I was fired up and adrenalin took over. My challenges got tougher and I won more than my share of 50-50 balls. We ended up scoring two goals to tie the game up and were over the moon. We had shown we could compete, and I had shown I was not just a small left-back with a few handy skills.

We continued our season and a few weeks later when the twenty man Country squad was announced, my name was read out. I was selected with our club captain, who happened to be my uncle. The fact we got thrashed in that first game, four one, doesn't really matter to me. I was a part of something very special. I went on to become the most capped Country player, with a total of 14 appearances. It was when I was 22 that I was announced in the Football Association's 'Team of the Year'. It was actually during that year in our long off-season that I found my other sporting passi --

"OKAY DAVID."
"What?"
"WE'RE DONE IN YOUR ROOM NOW, YOU CAN HEAD BACK AND ENJOY THE EDWARD CITY GAME."
"Yes, good. Okay. Who do they have after Edward City?"
"GOLGOTHASTAN, THEY ARE COMING THIRD IN THE GROUP."
"I see. Right. Take me away."


Schedule.
PQ Friendly:
@ Bears Armed 0-1.
Qualifying round one:
MD1: v Australiazia (Peisandros Basin, Delphi.) 5-0.
MD2: v Somewhereistonia (National Sports Arena, Olympia.) 3-1.
MD3: @ Edward City 2-0.
MD4: v Golgothastan (People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.)
MD5: @ Sorthern Northland
MQ Friendly:
v Quintessence of Dust (Peisandros Basin, Delphi.)
Qualifying round two:
MD6: @ Australiazia
MD7: @ Somewhereistonia
MD8: v Edward City (ATI Stadium, Thasos.)
MD9: @ Golgothastan
MD10: v Sorthern Northland (National Sports Arena, Olympia.)
PQ Friendly:
@ Jeru FC.

Meghan’s Space

It was a special moment for us as Courtney Ferguson was honored with a jersey retirement. She was pretty choked up over it, as not many nations do this kind of thing, we have noticed so it makes it even more unique for her. No one will ever wear #11 again for our national team as it will forever be Courtney’s number. I touched on things last time about how much of a role model she has been for everyone on this team. I first met Courtney in Candelaria And Marquez when she went out of her way to come visit my Di Bradini Cup 7 team. It wasn’t a long journey for her, you may say, since it was a short trip from Nethertopia to Candelaria And Marquez, but the simple fact that she took the time to acknowledge us and speak to us right away was special. I knew then, that I had a role model. Growing up, I didn’t really have that one player that I looked up to because most of my youth career was before Cassadaigua decided to enter international sports. I first came familiar with her during the Baptism of Fire, and she seemed like a great, down to earth person. A great person that also happened to be a great soccer player. I remember how in her first blogs she would say that she never really expected to play in the World Cup Proper, but was hopeful for it. For all of us to get there four years ago so she could that chance made the moment one to cherish for that reason alone, not just because we had our own individual goals, or that things we wanted Cassadaigua to accomplish on the international level. Courtney has made a lot of money, so as a team, we didn’t see the need to get her some kind of expensive gift. While we knew she would appreciate that, we thought it would be more special if she heard a brief statement from each of us over the stadium sound system on what she did for us, as individuals. Even though a lot of us said a similar kind of message, we could tell tell she began to get choked up. She was most touched, I think, from Matthew Webb’s statement. Even though Matthew has not yet played in a World Cup qualifying game, and only in our friendly with West Zirconia so far, he made history by being the first ever male to ever wear the pink and white. He referred to Courtney as a leader, even though she didn’t mean do it, to getting men to try and think big, that they can accomplish the same things that women can for our country. They see the men that represent other countries, but so far they have yet to make a big impact to for us. Whether Matthew is that player remains to be seen, but he is very glad to be getting this chance.

After the ceremony, we were ready to play as there was no way that we could let Courtney down and lose this game. It was her game, and everything about it was to be a positive memory. The opponent, Gordon Bay City, was appropriate, because this country is near Candelaria And Marquez, where she played most of her professional career. Running on adrenaline, we scored very early in this match, thanks to some great work by Stacie Kerrigan-Fraser and Erika Daniels. Stacie is a player that really looks up to Courtney, but at the same time she has set a bar for herself to one day break Courtney’s records. If so, her great play in the 6th minute will help that cause as it put us up 1-0. Keeping with it, we continued to have our way with the opponent moreso because we just felt like we were in the zone. My 14th minute goal made it 2-0, and the Stacie again must get credit for making the play happen. We settled in a little bit after that and had the game well under control, confident that we could stop the GBC counter attack. Try as they might, we were able to do that. In the 65th minute, we put their comeback thoughts to bed on a Jennifer Lowry’s score. 3-0 then, and this game was ours. There’s a long way to go, but right now we are in second place, behind only Jeruselem, who is two games away. Before that, we will need to take care of The Islands of Qutar. They helped us by beating some Mil place, will look to do what the Mil place couldn’t.

Also, they may be our group rival, but on behalf of the Cassadagan nation, we would like to express our condolences towards the people over Jeruselem concerning the passing of King Richard I. May he rest in peace.

“…Cincoski, easily dispossess Keao but her route now is blocked… She’ll find Nolan…? No she won’t, just too long, but Cincoski’s really starting to dictate this second half, now that the visitors’ counter-attacks have been well-stemmed… really is a talent, this young lady, running rings around the Gordon Bay City midfield…”

“The box lies!”

“…urns on the right, skips through the challenge of Leiki, and the captain will lay off for Kerrigan here… Comes to Manio, can’t clear, only out as far as Nolan, this is a good baLOWRY!! JENNIFER LOWRY MAKES IT THREE-NIL, THAT’S THE MATCH!! And that’s Gordon Bay City very solidly disposed of, and that’s Cassadaigua right back on track!”

“Alright Tice, good stuff… Goals as they go in then, on International Round the Grounds on NPBC… Where to next? Er, I think we can go off to Torgos actually, where it’s one-nil to the visitors as it stands, but the Pasargians are certainly putting up a better showing than that rather embarrassing last bunch of Rushmoris… Arie’s in Torg–”

“The box mocks us!”

The faerie bounded to his feet, crossed the room as the Nethertopian journalist chattered on, and grabbed the television by its surrounding speakers.

“WHY DO YOU MOCK US, BOX?! HOW DARE YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF WORTHY?!

“Makua! That will do, I am sure.” The creature paused. “You would appear to have silenced the box, however.”

“Indeed. Perhaps I have offended it.”

“We could sacrifice a goat?” a younger nobleman asked hopefully.

“Regrettably, I suspect the gesture may be lost on our cuboid ally. Could you try banging it?”

“That is rather what placed us in this predicament in the first place. Switch it off.

“It is off!”

“Then wait five minutes and switch it back on again!”

“What good will that do?!”

“At least I am trying to achieve something!”

“Everyone, please! Now is not the time to turn against each other! We are going to miss the highlights of the Qazox versus Starblaydia game if we carry on like this! We must calm ourselves, place our heads in concert, an–”

“You pulled the plug out. Just stick in back in the socket, there’s a good faerie.”

The nobility swivelled to face Puao, while Makua bashfully jabbed the prongs back in their respective holes.

“…ined up with a four-four-two of Klick in goal, a back four Munford, Sharman, Escareno and Swinson…”

The fae breathed a collective sigh of relief, and steadily swivelled back. Puao rolled his eyes and wandered back out into the corridor.

“I can only assume it is the inbreeding,” he sighed.

The Queen appeared to make a valiant attempt to hold back a smile. “They are simple souls, at times. But brilliant, of course.

“Yes. That is beyond question, naturally,” Puao replied smoothly.

The pair stepped out onto the balcony overlooking the street. Faerie guards stood here and there, staring off into space, while the occasional human scurried past. Leohi rested her head on her hands.

“At least they did not seem too upset with the three-nil scoreline.”

“They are easily distracted. A feature of their divine minds,” Puao added hurriedly, “But not one they share with the lower orders, it would seem…”

Leohi followed his gaze to the east, where a small group of balding fae appeared to be –

“Setting fire to a cloth man?”

“An effigy, your highness… of the goalkeeper Kuana, I do believe. A tradition of the mortal realm, I fear. They are burnt in order to release the malignant spirits of representative figure, or some such notion… I would suggest these were the gentlefolk who pelted stones at the home of a half-Cassadagan family all of half an hour ago…”

“Were they present?”

“The locals? No, they fled weeks ago, before the border was established. The house is discarded.”

“Have a toe removed from each of the offending vandals, in any case. I do not approve of the shaving of heads.”

“As you command, your ladyship. It would not do to allow hooliganism to take root…”

“No… Leohi sighed, rubbing her hands across her face with a weary groan. “Did I miscalculate so badly, dear friend?”

“I…?”

“In asking my brother to assemble a ‘national football team’. I believed it would provide a worthy distraction to Kolan and ‘Candelariasians’ alike, but…”

“You wonder if it has been too successful for its own good?”

“If nothing else, I saw it as a unifying force. I always appreciated that there would be an… undercurrent of opposition to my rule. And do not make that face, Puao, I am aware of these murmurings against me. I thought the football team…”

“Bread and circuses, They would call it.”

“I shall take your word for it, teacher.”

“In any case, win or lose your brother’s team cannot hold their attentions forever. And there are… murmurings, you are correct. From certain individuals.”

“Can we eliminate them?”

“Yes. But that would ultimately achieve little. In a mythical beast of Their ancient culture, the Hydra, the removal of a head would cause two more to grow back in its place.”

“I shall take that as a ‘no’, then.”

Pauo pinched the bridge of his nose and coughed. “One might suggest, Leohi, that in abandoning the Elders in favour of being ruled by a single member of the nobility, the people have made a foolish choice. The frying pan and the fire, They would say…” He turned and looked the Queen in the eye. “I, of course, would suggest no such thing, but… The lower orders are concerned, your highness. You have offered them a world, and handed them serfdom in little more than a village. And the armoured forces of the ‘Candelariasians’ amass upon our borders even now. Days from now, their President will reach an anniversary. A solar year in power. They have faith in such things, I fear. They believe they should be marked, in some way. What better time to take back that which they believe to be Theirs…”

“I know Robyn Morton, Puao. She is weak. Divided. A blood-drinker to her soul…”

“So it is said…”

“An armed struggle would alert her people to our existence, whatever the outcome. She would not risk that. She believes in the value of herself too much… and of her position. She would never give up her grip on her Albrecht throne so readily, let alone watch her land descend into anarchy.”

“I trust in your wisdom, of course… But trust in mine, your highness, when I insist that action, of any kind, will be required… and soon. Particularly if they go and bugger it up in Milchama. Which is really rather likely, let me tell you. So, whatever it is you are planning…”

“Whoever suggested I was ‘planning’ anything?”

Puao raised his eyebrows and smiled warmly. “You could barely walk when I watched you steal food from the mouths of the gods, my dear child. Were you merely an impetuous toddler? Greedy?”

“No! I was meticulous. I schooled myself for many hours. I… planned.”

“Like I say, your highness. I trust in your wisdom, your attention to detail. And your plan,” he added, with a grin. “Whatever it may be…”

He turned and walked smartly back into the house, courteous applause greeting a particularly fine moment of Bazalonian skill, even if it was by a human. And Leohi stared out into the cool evening, clutching her necklace and whispering a final few prayers.

The Albrecht Herald>Sport>Football>Football Shorts

Dannat praises ‘best performance’ C&M head coach Elgin Dannat has described his team’s five-one away victory over Jaseuyeon as ‘probably the best of my tenure’, after an utterly dominant display by the visitors marred only by Ben Zec’s red card.

Dannat admitted that the two yellows, the first coming after a series of niggly challenges and the second for a mistimed tackle against goalscorer Samuel Murrey, were ‘perfectly deserved’, and criticised the Albrecht FC midfielder’s failure to ‘squeeze such unnecessary bookings out of his game’. Going down to ten men, C&M would later add a fifth goal through Macario Oliveira Tavares – the substitute having replaced Aaron Kortsarian and scored fully ninety-two minutes after his fellow left-sided midfielder had opened the scoring with a cracking shot past Hoŋ.

While particularly poor in the C&M box, Jaseuyeon themselves produced a solid enough performance that typified their existence thus far, as being adequate but a huge step short of world-class status. Quite how that tallies with the club form of their Qidade Savana contingent in particular is certainly questionable, and their repeated failure to match the heights of the ‘neighbours’ of the Capitalizt SLANI remains an enduring mystery of global football. But where the stateless Hyesūŋjī would appear incapable of establishing a united spirit on their international get-togethers, their Candelariasian counterparts represent another matter entirely just now. Whether drawn from the CMSC, Cafundelense football or beyond; Dannat’s squad – and not merely the first eleven, either – are as fluid and aware of each other’s individual abilities and failings as any C&M side of years past, and arguably as any international team currently in action.

From front to back, their almost telepathic understanding stands as a huge credit to Dannat, but it is the simple addition of confidence that has risen this team to unprecedented heights over the past two years. This time during the previous round of qualifiers, Dannat’s future appeared under threat, and the Big Blues themselves were misfiring horribly, panicky in both boxes and with a midfield four increasingly at odds with each other. Last night, C&M’s second goal typified the transformation, with Zec winning the ball from Christian Rau and beginning a move that travelled the length and breadth of the pitch, full of sweeping balls from Niv Cohen and Gwynfardd Lopulalan, perfect passes from Lawrence Amey and Zec himself, and expert runs from Kortsarian and David Spooner, before finally seeing Abdul Ibadulla fire in untested following over ninety seconds of complete Candelariasian control.

If the later strikes were less awe-inspiring – Cohen sweeping in another free-kick won by Spooner, before the Clube Imperial striker himself took advantage of Herbert Brady’s indecision in the area to slot home – that can only speak further of the intelligent variation now shown by this team; and Oliveira Tavares’ late solo effort proved the icing on the cake for an all but perfect display that will genuinely leave C&M as one of the most feared side in the world – and the joint-up scorers in qualifying, alongside Kura-Pelland.

That Sbaïz is yet to keep a clean sheet may concern Dannat slightly, but while his colleague are packing them away at the other end few fans are likely to mind – though the CAMAFA would come under criticism once more, post-match, for the limited number of travelling supporters permitted to visit Paripana for the match, a decision put down to the “somewhat indistinct domestic situation in the Unified… Thingy, [and] their use of somewhat untested technologies within the stadium environment”.

At least vast audiences were able to watch the match at home however, and enjoy seeing C&M notch up a total of ten goals on their travels in just two games – and score five away from home or a neutral venue in a competitive encounter for only the fifth time in their history. That the likes of Kosovoe, Colbourne and Endmile have now been joined by the might of Jaseuyeon speaks volumes for the team’s development.

Frankly, it’s getting almost dull.

World Cup 46 Qualifying, Matchday Three
@ Sokojito Überdome, Sokojito Dosi, Paripana

Jaseuyeon Sports Association 1
Murray 75

Candelaria And Marquez 5
Kortsarian 1
Ibadulla 15
Cohen 25
Spooner 77
Zec s/o 80
Oliveira Tavares 90+3


Dannat ‘not ruling out Kari gift’ Elgin Dannat has declined to scotch suggestions that his team may give up at least one goal against Achtervolging later this year, following the farce that was the first five minutes in their previous encounter in Arrigo.

Aaron Kortsarian, who hit the opener against the visitors’ empty net inside twenty seconds and set up Abdul Ibadulla’s second mere moments later, claimed after the match that the Candelariasians had been left ‘a tad shaken’ by the events surrounding their opponents’ failure to appear for the first five minutes, and that the four-one scoreline had left ‘something of a bad taste in the mouth’.

“It’s not a situation any of us had found ourselves in before, and to be honest I think we all just went along with what the ref indicated,” the Cafundó do Juta veteran had told TV1, in a thinly-veiled criticism of Jeruselemite referee Bob Jones, who had agreed to delay kick-off for over an hour while the Achtervolging squad made their way through customs but blew the first whistle as soon as the Lions had entered the Estadio Nacional. “In hindsight, we would have just waited until they were all here and suited and booted, and we’d still have had an advantage they had literally no time for training here at all, and were still probably jetlagged and everything, but some of the younger lads were impetuous to make the most of an empty net, and I guess we were just all rather caught up in it.

“At the end of the day, it wasn’t the classy thing to do, and we can only hold our hands up. I don’t know what we can do about it, let them through and score a goal or two when we get back to their place, I don’t know, but we do feel bad about it all.”

A CAMAFA spokesman later confirmed their ‘regret and the unfortunate nature of the game’s early stages’, but declined to make any promise regarding the return leg. An insider however later revealed that the FA’s hierarchy had ‘the deepest sympathy’ for their Achtervolgian counterparts, having only narrowly avoided a similar mix-up with the fixture list themselves. Last night, meanwhile, Dannat reiterated Kortsarian’s lamentations and, when asked directly, suggested that discussions within his squad over an appropriate on-field response, if any, would take place closer the time of the visit to the Royal Stadium.

[b]Opposition could challenge CMSC takeovers The Social Democratic & Green Party would ‘raise serious questions over the integrity of Candelariasian domestic club football’ in the event of further takeovers by overseas firms, according to Finance Spokesperson America Gaicomini.

Ms Gaicomini, speaking on TTO’s Lunchtime News also claimed that she had broad cross-party support for a motion aimed at clamping down on such acquisitions, and accused the MLP of reneging on a key electoral promise in allowing such moves to repeatedly go ahead without ‘full and proper investigations into their viability’, adding that her concerns were, “By no means simply about football or the place of life-long, local supporters in today’s game, but the very integrity of our economic values and future of much-needed Candelariasian jobs and valued businesses.”

A member of the government or CMSC has yet to respond directly to her remarks, but a Ministry for Sport spokesman claimed today that “all potential takeovers [are] indeed thoroughly examined by a number of parties and over an extended period” and accused Gaicomini of “dabbling in the crass xenophobia apparently indicative of [her party’s] modern direction”, in reference to the controversial new leadership of Natalie van Dijk, herself a former SD&GP sports spokeswoman.

The row comes as Daniel Gil, the Sargossan meat magnate, and Vyintanese software firm Viella Inc., have been strongly linked to imminent moves for top CMSC1 clubs.

Shaina, Scott and crew arrived at the Centralia airport to board the plane to Southport. Naturally, Scott Davis had to sign a few autographs since he is so well known in the city, and he had to fib when they asked why he was flying to Southport with members of his crew. He had a story about college tuition increases, he told them. Of course, now he realized that he would have to do a report at some point soon about tuition increases at the University of Southport. “It’s a developing story that’s going to take some time, though,” he said to buy himself time on the new assignment he just gave himself. Oh well, he had interns that may be interested in such a story.

Shaina sat next to Sarah on the flight. Of course, Sarah had to pull a lot of strings in order to be included in the trip, as she was just a receptionist. She told Scott that she would accompany Shaina into the SAPCO office, thinking that the two of them both pretending to be distance runners would be helpful. Since she was just a receptionist, she wouldn’t be well-known, and her real intention was to go there to get good information for the book that she agreed to write on behalf of Shaina. Scott Davis didn’t know about that part of it, he just felt that having two people in the doctor’s office would be better then one, since both of them did have a physique that could pull off a distance runner routine. Sarah had other intentions too. She had never been to Southport, and wanted to enjoy their beaches for an evening, and if she would do so with Shaina, she could continue to get her mind off her loser boyfriend and towards more respectable people. Shaina hadn’t thought about him all day, and hadn’t visited him all week. Slowly, it was happening. She was moving away from him.

They landed at 4:00. The office would close in an hour, making it the perfect hour for them to visit. As after all, it was the end of the day, and the staff would just want to go home, including Doctor Holmes. This would make him, perhaps, get to HGH quicker, if you will, when discussing possible options. Scott and company rented a van and parked outside the office. Both Shaina and Sarah were wired, and they were tested to make sure they were working properly. It was 4:39 when they walked into the office.

“We have an appointment with Doctor Holmes.” Shaina stated.

“Sorry ma’am, the Doctor’s 4:30 is already here and no one else is scheduled. What’s your name, you must have the wrong day.” Replied the receptionist.

This is where Sarah would take over. As a receptionist she could deal with receptionists, and knows they could make mistakes, enough to make this lady believe that they actually did have a 4:30 appointment. She worked her magic well, enough for the lady to say, “I am really sorry about the mix up, I will be sure that Doctor Holmes sees you immediately.” It was now 4:54 when the Doctor was told and cued them into the office. It couldn’t be any more perfect. He wanted to go home, and they knew it.

To add to the Doctor’s frustration, he had to enter them into his patient database, which would take about five more minutes. It was past 5:00 before they even began to talk about things. They had practiced the story on the flight, and at this point it was so well-rehearsed that anyone would believe that they were two distance runners needing to find a way to shave three minutes off their times quickly. As anticipated, Doctor Holmes began with more commonly prescribed and legal substances. “We’ve tried that,” was the reply. It was now 5:17, and the Doctor knew this was going no where, but he wanted to help his new patients. He felt especially obligated since his secretary had just told them about the terrible mix-up in forgetting their 4:30 appointment that they had said they made three months ago.

“How seriously do you want to make up this time? What lengths would you go to?” asked the doctor. In the van, they thought this meant one of two things. He was about to mention HGH, or he was going to demand sexual favors. They hoped it was the first thing.

So did the ladies. “Whatever it takes as long as it is something that is proven to help people like us get stronger and we’d like to see some research on it.” Sarah replied. There, now if he was thinking about the second thing, that was just shot down. Fortunately, it was the first thing the whole time.

“This is a controversial medication. It is something that, if you were to use and get caught, will have serious consequences. In Newmanistan, it is illegal, though not in places in Dancougar. (in the truck, Scott and crew shouted in joy! Perfect analogy!) I have a pamphlet here that tells you all you need to know about avoiding it’s detection on tests. It is a steroid. You told me you would do whatever it takes. This will work, I guarantee it. You do not have to take it. But it is an option.”


The ladies displayed their pre-planned brief moment of shock before Shaina gave a response not of concern about being caught, but in wanting to know more. Of course, this question was pre-planned as well. “I will do what it takes, sir, but this concerns me. I mean if I take it something risky like this, I want to be certain it works. Has it worked for anyone before who’s name I might recognize?”

Doctor Holmes looked up, somewhat suspiciously of that question. But he was tired, and they looked like they could be trusted and that it was a harmless question. Still, he wasn’t about to name anyone. “It’s helped people, let’s leave it at that. You wouldn’t want me to say your name to another person who’s gonna run the Southport Marathon.”

“I think we will try it. This information on the pamphlet is everything we need to know, right?” Doctor Holmes nodded. The doctor explained more health consequences before they finally left the office, HGH in hand, and what they knew would be a whole lot of helpful information. They headed to the van to reunite with Davis and company.

“Great job, ladies.” Davis exclaimed, “Now we know he eagerly hands it out and that he knows what he’s doing. Austin here discovered some other interesting information. Tell them, Austin.”

“Yes, as you know, due to the Freedom of Information of act, one can access the phone calls dialed by a number. We requested Doctor Holmes’ cell phone and got the numbers of all calls. It was entered into our database, and we did a search on the cell phone numbers of well known professional athletes. We found that Doctor Holmes sent a total of twelve text messages to Jeremy McAllister during the Di Bradini Cup in Valanora, and another ten during the Charity Cup in Newmanistan, including some that would have been while they would have been in Centralia. We have nothing prior to the Di Bradini Cup, however. Though it would be logical that he would consider this in the latter stages of his career, especially since we know how badly he wanted to qualify for the World Cup. Taking it would have given him a great chance to come out of retirement and be part of the World Cup 46 team.”

Fellow staff member Vinnie now speaks up, “Through the same act, we also obtained records from Jeremy McAllister’s cell phone records. It shows that Jeremy would have logically returned seven of the twelve text messages during the Di Bradini Cup and five during the Charity Cup. We don’t know what would have been said in those text messages, but the simple fact that this will indisputably show that these two were in contact, and in contact for a considerable length of time.”

Scott Davis then speaks, “When we put these pieces together, we get a strong case against Jeremy. You two have provided the proof that Holmes willingly distributes HGH. We have found the same pamphlet you just got in Jeremy’s hotel room, and we have shown consistent text message communication between the two of them for solid length of time.”

Austin speaks up again, “We’ve also noticed a couple other names on this list. Former players Brett Carlson and Bobby Foley, as well as current World Cup player Matt Coulson are included. Coulson looks like a very frequent and loyal customer. I’d hate to bust Matt. Oh well, poor Matt. Former World Bowl player Alex Foster also seemed to enjoy his services. Couple other lesser known gridiron players. No one on the baseball team, apparently. Odd but that may be because they are mainly women.”

Davis speaks again, “And tomorrow, all of Newmanistan finds out about all of them. It’s going to rock the Empire.”

"And that concludes our game in Torgos, Pasarga loses zero to two. I'm hearing that our own Falcon came is still busy, reaching the last minute of extra time. Peter?"

"Thank's Bob. The score is still one to four and Joàio is on the ball. He gives the pass to Ricky. And there goes Ricky once again... You've got to admit that the boy really has talent. I mean, he's 22 years old and already has 48 caps. Incredible."

"Yes, he's really Nethertopia's hope, isn't he? If there's anyone who'll get us in the World Cup it's him and his cousin. Wait... He makes the run, there comes the shot and... OOH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL CURLER!"

"JAAAAH! Ricky puts it past Matt Craig! That makes it 5-1, in the last minute of extra time!"

"What a brilliant shot! And again the stiker only points at his black armband and doesn't celebrate his goal as respect for Sam Wendell, rest in peace. "

"And the referee blows his whistle, it's all over. And with that this concludes our broadcast of Football International on My name is Peter de Wit and sitting next to me was Robert Geesink. After the commercials you can see NPBC News and then we'll be right back with extended reviews of the match and an update about the Samseong takeover of FC DePardenti..." *click*

Pieter van Delta, Prime Minister of Nethertopia switched off the television. He turned his head to the right to take a look at Ricardo Wendell. Van Delta had invited him to his office right after Sam Wendell passed away, but the young Wendell hadn't reacted to him until today, when he had suddenly popped up before his door at his private home, just before the game. They had watched it together. Ricardo was clearly touched by the respect that the players had shown for his uncle. This was the second big win of the Falcons and for the third time in a row they had worn the black armbands.
Disaster after disaster.

"My uncle would've enjoyed this much," said Ricardo.

"Yes, he would have indeed," added Van Delta. Ricardo sighed.

"So, why did you want to see me anyway?"

"Yes... Err... Do you mind some personal questions? I was planning on meeting you some time later actually, at least till after the burial of your uncle." The funeral was due to tomorrow.

"It's OK, just tell me what's going on."

"Well... You know, your uncle was a proud Nethertopian and he supported the government."

"Yes, I know that. But where's the catch?"

"He did that with money... Quite a lot of money, actually. He paid us truly a lot through his company. But after his death, the National Service of Revenue rechecked his personal financial records, for inheritance service. And now it appeared that your uncle hasn't paid his personal taxes. He had made a deal with a corrupt civil servant."

"Yes, I get that. But how is that supposed to affect me? Sam passed all his personal belongings on to his wife."

"There's the problem. You got the largest part of the inheritance. According to the Nethertopian Inheritance Law this makes you responsible for all the debts of the original possessor. You owe the state fifteen million Golden Sovereigns, due to be paid before the end of the month."

"I... What? But... I don't have any private money!"

"Yes, I know. It's ridiculous. All my colleagues agree on that. But we know ways to surround these kind of problems, even in our system. And that's why I have a proposition for you. You'll get off with your regular taxes and continue the support of our government with money from your company. That's all more or less retractable from the taxes anyway. And then we'll guarantee you that nothing will ever be heard of those taxes ever again."

"But... That's corruption as well."

"Yes, I know. And I don't like using it. It will be the first nation-wide scam involving the parliamentary government since 1903, the Rubenbauer case."

"I'm... Not sure what to do."

"Think about it, Ricardo. I agree that it's foul business, but we've got to let the system roll. Sometimes we've got to bend the rules in favour of ourselves, or the established system. I don't want to lock you up in jail, you know."

"Y-Yes..."

"I think I can trust on you to remain silent about this conversation. If this leaks to the media the government is doomed."

"Sure."

"Now, I think it's best for you to leave now and think about what I've said to you. " Van Delta lifted himself off his couch and stared out of the window. Ricardo stood up as well and silently walked towards the hallway of Van Delta's house. He took his coat and looked Van Delta, who had followed him, right in the eyes.

"I won't tell."

The Prime Minister opened the front door. "Think about the offer."

"I will," said Ricardo Wendell, as he left the house and closed the door behind him.

Steroga scores twice and wins

Steroga improved their record to 2-0-1 following a 2-0 victory over the Banten States and moved us into a three way tie with Yafor 2 who beat us badly and The Macabees who are the next opponent. The game will be on the road and we will not be expected to win but if we could then it would be a great victory. Coach Patel was thrilled with the defensive performance of the team all throughout the game and the Banten States team really seemed to have a hard time getting anything going against us. In the second half with the game still scoreless he had the team play more offensive and this would be rewarded. Devdarsh Panigrahi scored both of our goals the first being on a header from a corner kick in the 50th minute. Later Panigrahi showed masterful skill with the ball to get by three defenders and beat the goalkeeper in the 72nd minute. We think we surprised the Banten States because they played in the Baptism of Fire and saw our team do really bad there. They won two games during the Baptism of Fire and made the playoffs. But maybe Baptism of Fire success doesn’t equal success in qualifying because right now we are tied for the best record out of anyone who played in Errinundera.

The woman, carrying both of her cubs clutched to her chest, approached the patrol's 'Ancient'.
"My thanks to you and your bears," she said, "and to the Great Bear for sending you here to us in our watch of need. Had you not happened by, I dread to think what might have become of my cubs and myself..."

"Ay'urr, thanks be to GreatFather Sun and the Great Bear," replied that NCO, "and thanks to those lads too" (Here he gestured in the direction of the four Ursines who'd dropped down out of the trees...) "for passing us the warning about those Woozles being about and then getting here in time to help so usefully!"

"They aren't just a part of your patrol, then?" she enquired...

"I wish! No, they're from the national Army rather than just from our local forces, but I'm not sure how much they mind people knowing..."

"Mamma, mamma! Look!" young Birri cried out, pointing at the armbands (showing the badge of a winged axe) which that quartet were all wearing, and the stylised masks that concealed their features. "They must be from the Ess-Doubleyoo-Ess!"

"The 'Special Woodlands Service'? Here in our little grove?"
The woman gasped in surprise.

"Yes," one of those troopers answered in a reassuring tone: "We'd been following those beasts' trail from -- well, I won't say where -- and once it seemed likely that they'd arrive in this area we notified the militia and then ook a short cut to get ahead of them. If these local boys hadn't arrived in time then we'd have come to the rescue by ourselves, but I'll admit that their assistance was useful..."

"Assistance?!? splutered one of the militia-bears irritatedly. "We were doing fine even before you finally decided to drop in..."

MATCHDAY 4 SCORES (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14784538&postcount=6)

OOC: Oops!
I accidentally posted as the wrong nation: the RP post immediately before the cut-off belongs to 'Bears Armed', not to 'The Bear Islands'...

It's only four matchdays out of 10, Franz Braddock will be quick to remind everyone.

It's much too early to react with more than a dismissive shrug to the Stars current first place standing, three points clear of world No. 5 and World Cup XLV runners up The Holy Empire in the Group 13 tables.

But for Sarzonian national team supporters who saw the team's glory days and World Cup XXII championship as long past, it's a fresh dose of excitement.

"We haven't accomplished the first goal yet," Braddock said as he leaned into the microphone away to unranked Algal States. "So far, we're not even halfway through qualifying. Ask me how I feel if we end up qualifying for the finals."

The question may have seemed far fetched at the beginning of the World Cup XLVI cycle. After all, Sarzonia were the third highest ranked side in Group 13 coming in, behind The Holy Empire and longtime nemeses Krytenia in rank. If the group played out exactly as expected, the Stars would be on the outside looking in once again.

However, Braddock knows you don't play matches on paper. You play them on the pitch. There, the Stars have a home fixture against 70th ranked Terra Anatidae, which lost its home fixture against Krytenia. The Kryties remain two points behind The Holy Empire and Logria for second place standing and five points behind the Stars.

"It's nice, but at the same time, we haven't done anything yet," said forward Matt Lynch. He scored twice, including a penalty kick in the 33rd minute when fellow forward Reese Nichols was fouled in the box. Zack Wilson and Nichols added the other two goals and Wilson contributed two assists.

Sarzonian football officials expect Bryan Marshall Memorial Stadium to be sold out for the final match of the first half of World Cup qualifying. Goalkeeper Cody Taylor warned the team not to get "too geeked up" about the match.

"We have to do our jobs no matter where we play or how many people we play in front of," he said.

The Stars expect to carry that approach to the rest of their qualifying matches. They'll have to. With tough fixtures away to The Holy Empire and home to Krytenia, they'll need all the professionalism they can muster.

Sure, it's only four matches out of 10. But for Stars supporters, it's a glimpse into what the team can do if they play to their potential. Surely that counts for something, right?

The match was over and it was a debacle if there ever was one: The Lasane was defeated 'sono-ed and 'jisu-ed 1:4 by a team, which he couldn't even pronounce. Of course this meant nothing: various teams with hard names had beed huge issues in the rejistanian history: Squornshellous, Adams Island, Starblaydia... but so far, Achtervolging had not made it into the list. It changed of course not after this match. The formerly exclusive list of teams which managed to 'jisu, trounce and trash orange-blue teams grew larger by the matchday. "He-da Jenek!" someone shouted, making him jerk out of his strange thoughts. Only one person got away with that nickname and that was his browther Hamenil.

"Hejida!" Jenji said glumly.

"Why so sad? You seemed to 'sitadi the match yesterday." ('sitadi is hard to translate, but it indicates how a rejistani was and often still is expected to cope with a loss)

"I could not 'sitadi the journalists though. Han-hi-len-ly!"

"Did you actually read the National?" (The Na~ovi National is as infamous for its bad journalistic quality as Laxtu Takil was for his love of System Karela)

"If it was only the National, it would have been no problem, but I read the Sikenian Daily and checked the Voice of Vanahera. I am sick and tired of always being compared to this former national player."

"Journalists are the scum of the earth, you know."

Jenji hissed in annoyance. "People made jokes about my name as long as I can remember! I am sick and tired of it."

"I know... It surely did not help that you were substituted in and immediately the game changed."

"What a slani miracle when I am changed in in a kiirii! And the first Y'he never played for one entire half!" (Kiirii: use of all substitutions)

Hamenil grinned: "Minor detail!"

Jenji didn't reply except for another annoyed sound. Eventually, he did speak up "It spreads to SLS as well! Kilan contacted me and asked whether I would mind to make be jenjied in against Desnike."

"Ouch!"

"Indeed!"

"You should perform subpar in these substitutions. No one can blame you for not getting into the match."

"Kiu, sounds like a plan!"

Tragedy had struck. The day before, tragedy was defined by an injury, but today it was defined by death. Manager Tíer Bergán looked down at the desk in front of him, in the middle of a press conference, without words to speak. Tears could be seen forming on the corners of his eyes, and he refused to lift his head to make eye contact with the reporters around him. For the most part, the reporters were respectful, not yelling, clamoring or asking questions. Everyone had an idea of what had happened, and it was not the time to press for information. This type of tragedy was not supposed to happen during a football match. If the team could revive its impetus it would be a miracle, but for now the team spirit had hit an all time low. As aforementioned, it had nothing to do with a lost game or anything of the like. In fact, the team had put up a magnificent performance against Steroga, guaranteeing them second place (for the time being) in the group tables. The tragedy was the death of central midfielder Víeb Tahol...

A team's tragedy: The saga of Víeb Tahol

These things are not supposed to happen, but they do. The squad's prospects for classification and whatnot have suddenly become irrelevant. Tragedy has struck. In the depths of the locker room of the large stadium in Targul Frumos, Víeb Tahol gave his last breaths. The seventeen year old midfielder, who had played his first international game today, died of a brutal heart attack. The beginning of the events unfolded before the public eye, but few knew the reality. He limped off the field, was substituted and then was taken to the locker room. He died before he could receive professional medical attention. Although he was not a usual starter, nor considered that important, his name is now at the forefront of the national team. His image is the team's. What ecstasy has been produced by the three consecutive victories is now lost. But, we cannot weep, as that will leave things unchanged. Instead, we should honor the memory of Víeb Tahol and tell his story.

Víeb Tahol was chosen to represent the nation in World Cup 46 for his low age and the immense talent shown by him during his stay at various youth teams. He was quick, agile and intelligent, making him a very valuable midfielder. What he lacked was experience. The aim was for him to build on his experience during the World Cup, allowing him to be a key midfielder once older playmakers retired (such as Terj Mitoraj). In terms of natural talent, however, there were few Macabee players who could consider themselves equal (Terj Mitoraj and Georgi Rest being exceptions; the latter was Tahol's partner is Royal Club Española). But, that talent has now ceased to exist.

Who is at fault?

We want to say nobody. That's what we should say. The truth is that nobody expected him to die, but perhaps there should been signals. Unfortunately, he was not forewarned of any heart conditions. There is evidence that points to problems prior to today's match, however. In several games he had been forced to leave the pitch due to the apparent dissipation of strength. He was, however, never told he had a heart condition by any doctor. Perhaps the evidence was clouded. Perhaps doctors truly did have no idea what was wrong with him. In that sense, the fault lies entirely at his own feet. Although, that said, he did not know what was wrong with him. So, it seems that ultimately the only place where blame can be distributed to is fate, fortune and luck. Today, for Tahol, all three things were bad. What could have been the most exciting day of his life turned into a sad tragedy.

Modern medicine, government spending and self-awareness all failed.

The team mourns his death, and they have asked the Banten States football association to set aside a minute of silence to honor the young Víeb Tahol. Nevertheless, despite the tragedy and the proper amount of respect one must give to Víeb Tahol, the team has been looking ahead. They are looking forward to winning at Banten States, extending or maintaining their current lead, in the name of Víeb Tahol. One can only assume that it was Tahol's wish for the Macabee team to qualify for the world cup. One can only assume that he had agreed to represent his nation out of the honor such an achievement would garner. And so, the team looks to work doubly hard to reach this goal.

At the end of the day, Tahol has become a martyr. Although perhaps sad that his death has been capitalized upon to motivate a team and that his death has provided motivation (as if it was a good thing), this is just the reality. One should see this not as a dishonor, but as an honor.

His memory will serve as a driving force.

Purple Knights Win Again

Four games into the season and the Purple Knights are still living a dream. They are undefeated and on top of their Group by three points over number 2 The Archregimancy. Next up for the Knights after last nights win is the Nethertopians. Theese two teams have been rivals for the past few years and were only expected a single game continuation of their friendy series. Fate though has stepped in and looks like that the Nethertopaisn will try to be the first team to take the Knights down one week before they would have a perfect first half of qualifying. So far they havent even let a single goal in. It's been so awesome

Team four for the Knights on their treck to qualification was the young new team from the land of Swartaz. For the first time this season the Falcons were able to put a two spot on the board adding a single goal more then any of their other games and almost tieing all their goals from the previos three. Brian ying Uing began the games scoring early in the 17th minute when he bounced the ball around the lumber making the game 1 to nothing after easily streaking through the Topian defense. Then later Doug Newier would score his twelfth career goal in the 60th minute to make the game a big easy 2-0 victory. Things are looking good.

5

Great number, five.

Five digits per hand and foot (for us humans, anyway). Five proper television channels (sod that digital cable nonsense). Five teams to play in your group. Five colours in her hair.

You know when it's not great?

When it's five points in four games. We're fourth in the table. We're behind Logria, for Jehovah's sake.

"Put it in perspective", I hear you cry. Fine.

We've got less points than Chutnusak. This is a nation which is an anagram of "Uh, nutsack!" and we've got less points than them.

We've got less than Rymeria, Arroza, Prux. Less than Nong Nang Ning - and that's just shot shat shit. The've got a tree in goal. A tree!

We've got less than Nethertopia - and they never qualify.

It could be worse though...we could be Newmanistan...

World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Iglesian Archipelago (6-2)
MD2: Greal VS Bostopia (1-0)
MD3: Greal VS Chutnusak (0-1)
MD4: Greal VS Septentrionia (0-1)
MD5: Greal VS Italia Orientale
MD6: Greal VS Iglesian Archipelago
MD7: Greal VS Bostopia
MD8: Greal VS Chutnusak
MD9: Greal VS Septentrionia
MD10: Greal VS Italia Orientale


Greal loses narrowly, again

To the annoyance of every single Greali fan in the whole world, the Greal lost narrowly to Septentrionia in today's game. The Greali were missing a few players themselves. Michael Istoma was out because of an injury, and Sebastian Expan also pulled out after five minutes to receive an emergency call from Greal. Nevertheless to say, the Greali did put up a stubborn defense to prevent the match from turning into a huge disaster. But now Greal continues to fall in rankings and now is fourth in place. Many analysts say that if the Greali don't win tomorrow's match, then qualifying will be impossible at this rate. The Television Service reported a new decline in TV viewers, probably over disappointment of the match. The Response to the match was mixed, with many people criticizing Ross Trent, but taking a delicate line not to upset the players. Tomorrow's match is against Italia Orientale.


Septentrionia 1

Greal 0

Meanwhile, in other matches of Group One.

Bostopia drew with Chutnusak 0-0.

Iglesian Archipelago barely beat Italia Orientale 1-0.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Joesph's Blog

We lost again?!?!? What is the world coming too? Yes Septentrionia was higher ranked then us. I wonder why Sebastian Expan pulled out? YOUR TEAM NEEDS YOU. I'm pretty disappointed and yes, tomorrow's match is our last hope.

On Radio Dallas ...

Nikki (Mum): Hello, I'm Nikki Seabourne for Radio Dallas. It's great day in Jeruselem! The sun is shining and the bird are chirping. The birds as in Avian, not human females. I'm speaking to one of the Jeruselem World Cup team over at Dazza Dallas Stadium. Who am I talking to?
Nikki: It's Nikki Seabourne here ... hang on, that you Mum?
Nikki (Mum): It's my daughter Nikki, who just happens to play for the team. She's the football player, I'm not.
Nikki: This must be Radio Dallas then.

Nikki (Mum): How my girl?
Nikki: I'm fine. Although someone's borrowed my best shoes today.
Nikki (Mum): A rather flat performance by the team today. We were lucky to win.
Nikki: Admitted we didn't play to the level we wanted to. Marie wasn't playing today, she was planning a coronation. It's not the same without her. Still we beat West Newmanistan.

Nikki (Mum): West Newmanistan played well I hear.
Nikki: Yes, but they didn't have much firepower to worry our defense. Good thing that flu guy scored our only goal.
Nikki (Mum): You mean Influenza Aye?
Nikki: Well, we just call him H1N1. He's really annoying and doesn't go away.

Nikki (Mum): Oksana Ferris returned from suspension today.
Nikki: Yes, we need her. We have a young defense who need experience to develop.
Nikki (Mum): There's some controversy going round with a Jeru FC player being naked on the Internet. Are the Jeruselem team concerned?
Nikki: No, it's the same crap as always. I mean, when we have naked men on TV ... men don't complain when it's a woman, it all evil. Naked News have naked people, why don't they complain about them.

Nikki (Mum): Ok, the next game is away to Cassadaigua. An all-female team. Will be have trouble with them?
Nikki: People think that Jeruselem's female players play like ... well girls. I'm one of them, we're not wimps. We play more like men because play hard but fair. We aren't as strong but we're faster and more nimble. I fully expect the all-female team will be hard to in speed but we have a stronger team and we have experience.

Nikki (Mum): Some look down on Jeruselemite women because we are loose women. Some other countries think their women are better.
Nikki: The fact is, we have the best looking women. Like you and me. Our women are smart educated and aren't meek servants of their partners. we all know that Mum. Marie may look like slut next door but she's tougher than some so-called men I know. We may have loose morals but Jeruselem women aren't stupid. They know what they want from life.
Nikki (Mum): What's the game plan against this female team.
Nikki: It's simple, don't give them possession. They need the ball to control the game. We don't give the opposition easy time the ball.

Nikki (Mum): Well, time's nearly up. Thanks for spending time talking to us.
Nikki: Thanks Mum. Oh, what's for dinner?
Nikki (Mum): Braised lamb with mint sauce and roasted almonds.
NikkI: Can't wait. Must go, there's a nice guy wanting my autograph.

Kelly Sporadic runs on to a long, hoofed clearance from his goalkeeper. Running with his back to the ball, towards the Landau Institute goal, he controls the high ball almost effortlessly as it drops over his shoulder, cushioning it as much as he can and sprinting away after the ball. Just getting to it before the aging (and that's putting it mildly) centre half Ribeiro he manages to cut inside and have a quick glance up at the goal. Sporaskid's diagonal run to the opposite side of the box has taken the other defender Pitoco with him and so Landau Institute goalie Maldonado has taken upon himself to come off his to disuade Kelly from coming further forward, but not too far off his line to tempt Kelly to try and chip him. Kelly Sporadic opts for neither, trying to blast the ball low and hard towards goal, but a lunge from full-back Rocher gets in the way of his shot, sending the ball high into the air. Kelly goes down in a heap, Gopher Sporaskid stops his run, LI midfielder Splitsscher ceases his tracking back and makes his way back to midfield. Only the goalkeeper senses the danger is still there but can't get on his feet and back to his line quick enough as the ball finishes its sky-high parabola and drops down under the bar. The six-hundred Silexherans in the stadium only realise its gone in when the ball rustles the roof of the net on the bounce, and they start to jump and shout and do all those other things that football fans do when their team scores. Kelly Sporadic picks himself up, turns and gives Silexhera manager Paul Hart, who it standing and applauding in his technical area, a great big grin

Paul smiled to himself and poured another whisky. "F*** it" he thought. "One more time". His hand moved over and tried to locate his computer's mouse. On the screen in front of him, a small arrow stopped hovering over the 'YouTube' logo and moved to the button marked 'Play Again'.

Kelly Sporadic runs on to a long, hoofed clearance from his goalkeeper...

The action was interrupted by a knock at the door. Paul pressed 'pause', shuddered slightly, and told the knocker to enter. Vincent Wogan walked in before Paul had even managed the first syllable.
"We sure showed those quacks and cripples whats what, what what!". God that voice, and the mere idea that Vincent completely believed in everthing he was saying.
"They're a team of highly respected doctors in various areas of medicine, many of them are not only at the absolute cutting edge of their field, they also manage to go out of an evening and compete with some of the best footballing nations on earth for sport's biggest prize, I would hardly call them 'a bunch of quacks'" said Paul, through his teeth.
"Oh come on now Paul they're foreigners! I'm sure they make some very clever concoctions from tree bark and mud and whatnot but I doubt they come very close to our unique brand of medicine!" Paul rolled his ears. He didn't even know he could do that. It turns out if you roll your eyes hard enough your ears rotate too. He'd keep that piece of information for later.
"Have you always been an ignorant tosser, Vincent?"
"Now now Paul there's no need to take that kind of tone with me! I know you think you're clever with all your gallivanting hither and thither on flying tubes and rotor-chop-o-copt-o-buggers or whatever you call them.."
"Aeroplanes, Helicopters, and I'm also guiding a team of amateurs from a tin-pot country consisting of three and a half small-ish towns, a river, a beach, volcano and a prat to a, what did that news website call it? Ah yes, the greatest start to a qualifying tournament by a total rookie in living memory. Even if you only count that as 'marginally' clever, it still puts me a hell of a long way ahead of you in the brain stakes"
Vincent appeared to ignore all this, as tossers often do when presented with conclusive evidence of exactly why they're a tosser.
"You must be careful though Paul, you must be wary when traveling around in these countries because you never know when someone's going to pick you up and carry you off to their cooking pot."
"Get out"
"I beg your pardon?"
"I said 'Get out'"
"What's happening to your ears?"
"Get out of my office, and take this f***ing thing with you"
"But it isn't mine..." whined Vincent, his brow furrowed with confusion and a little bit of anger
"I know. Its mine. Its an atlas. Every country from Akbarland to Zircon complete with sections on sociology and history. I suggest you read something other than "Who's Who of Toffee-Nosed Tossers" for once in your life"
"I could have you sacked you know!" shouted Vincent, slamming the door as he left. Paul waited. Through the thin walls of the F.A. building he heard one of the other doors open, followed by another, followed by one of those hushed conversations where the whispers are about the volume of a normal conversation. He heard someone very official sounding telling someone that if he "ever threatened Paul with the sack again he'll be chuffin' hanged". At least it sounded like "chuffin'".
Paul lit a cigar. He didn't care that smoking wasn't allowed in the building. He didn't care that he didn't, in fact, smoke. As far as he saw it he was completely untouchable, as long as Silexhera weren't getting beaten. Beaten? Why, he could lead the team to greatness! Maybe the World Cup trophy itself!
Paul grinned and took a big puff of a cigar. When he finished choking he stubbed it out and threw it out the window. "What the hell am I thinking?" he thought. He went back to his computer and looked up 'Hubris' in the dictionary, figuring it was about time he hammered the concept into his head.

Fromburg Free Press
World Cup 46 Coverage

A come-from behind draw at Dariusville drops Qazox into 3rd place in the group, but with a game against Dave Campbell next week, Qazox should be 3-1-1 after the first half of qualifiers. A goal from Lech, the Polish kawaler gave the home side an early 1-0 lead in the 30th minute. For the next 50 minutes, the unusual team held off the Pheonix' attacks, but finally in the 80th minute, Matilda Swords, despite her playing in obvious pain from the injury suffered earlier in the qualifiers.

We here at the Fromburg Free Press send our condolences to Jeruselem upon the passing of their monarch earlier this month.


THE Fromburg Free Press PRESENTS
The 8th Biggest Moment/Event
in Black Oxen/Pheonix Footballing History

Date: July 11th, 1938
Location: Stade Aéroport; Airport City, Ad'ihan
Event/Moment: Qazox' Round of 16 win over Cafundéu.
Other Nation involved: Cafundéu.
Result: QAZOX 2-1 WIN.

Reprint of event from National Archives:
Link to QSPN.com's archive (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13815698&postcount=569) (ed note: Unable to reprint due to legal issues with QSPN.com)

Dancougar News!!
Man... random numbers hate me.

All uphill as goalless streak continues: The atmosphere at the King Daniel III National Stadium in Yuki City is normally a friendly one. Normally jovial. Fans wave their black Horrible Hand Towels, wear their home white kit, and sing the team's fight songs to urge them forward. And more often than not, the Wings respond. But after a second consecutive 0-0 result last night which saw them go three points off the pace behind Silexhera, the mood was different, and a new sound reached the pitched.

The fans booed the team as they marched off it.

And who can blame them? The world's tenth ranked team have played like its hundredth, scoring just three goals in four matches for five points, hardly championship form. Not even qualifying form. Whatever the reason, the teams in Dancougar's group seem to have found them out and are keeping them bottled up. The team will need a victory just to reach the halfway point in contention; a loss will essentially end the campaign and consign them to the Cup of Harmony.

"It's inexplicable, I think, at this point," said Shigeru Takeuchi, who stepped back from his usual assurance that the team was just one match away from turning it around. "When I watch the team in workouts, I don't see anything obviously wrong with what we're doing. But we're making so many little mistakes in the game itself, and those all add up."

It's hard to continue describing the effort of the Wings as brave. They push forward, dig for shots, and keep the majority of the match in the opposing third. Yet, the goalless streak continues. It's now been over 200 minutes since the last Dancougar goal, and each minute adds more nagging doubts. They're not finding opportunities in the final third and end up getting bogged down, with opponents happy to let them whack it around the periphery, leaving a long shot as the only recourse. As the game goes on, these efforts grow more and more hurried... and more and more wild.

The frustration on the pitch has now reached the stands, for fans are questioning Takeuchi's tactics. The lineup is filled with players who have demonstrated an ability to score in league play, but they're not working well together. Players aren't taking roles, but rather, they're all trying to make something happen. They're trying to get noticed. The only thing that's been noticed so far is that they're so ineffective as a group that they can't score against teams that they feasted on in recent cups.

Dancougar now battles Silexhera, where a victory will bring them up into second, but their road form has not inspired any confidence, and a draw would be little consolation with Bears Armed continuing to cruise.

FA puts Takeuchi on notice: The Dancougar FA is already looking for someone to replace Shigeru Takeuchi, at least according to an anonymous source claiming to speak from within the body, who says that a move could be made in a matter of weeks depending on the result of the match at Silexhera.

Although Takeuchi guided them out of the first round of World Cup 45, he almost didn't make it through qualifying after a mediocre first half saw Dancougar nearly fall from contention. He and the team find themselves in the same situation now, although with only six games remaining and nine points already dropped, it will take a titanic run to restore any confidence the fans have left in his team, which has only scored three goals in four matches.

Yuki City Sun columnist Kenji Nakahara first broke the story after their most recent result, a 0-0 draw at home with unknown, unheralded Stargate Centurion. It was not revealed who the interview candidate was, but former team captain and current Shuukyuu Kishin manager Jericho Leyton was rumored to be it. Leyton has denied the claims.

Military considers war games: Senior officers in the Dancougar armed forces, principally the Mechanized Corps, have announced that they may proceed with plans to stage a large-scale war game at the rebuilt Mount Kaguya Proving Grounds within the next few months after opposition initially forced them to be tabled.

The games were initially intended to showcase the abilities of the DV-3 Rhinemaiden, a new class of weapon called a variable fighter. The machine can operate in three distinct modes, the principle ones being a fighter plane and a traditional humanoid mech. The third mode is a highly maneuverable cross between the two. The machine saw its combat debut during Stephen's Rebellion but has yet to see wide deployment, partially due to pressure from the conventional mech industry.

They may receive the green light due to intervention from Princess Erica, who is the the captain of the three-unit Freya Team which exclusively uses the Rhinemaiden. "It's an excellent machine and offers several tactical advantages over conventional mecha," she said. "We should not arbitrarily restrain ourselves from developing more advanced technologies."

Conspiracy theorists believe the move is only a bluff to aid the struggling national football team, since it has historically played best when robots do stuff.

Aiken slump continues: Aiken City have now gone five straight matches without a win, drawing their third in a row. Although it came away to fourth place Shuukyuu Kishin, an excellent result, it pales in comparison to their blistering start which saw them win eight of their first nine. Aiken now sit third in the table at 8-3-3.

Port Royal enjoyed their third week at the top of the standings by drawing away to Mizuno 2-2. The team has risen to the top behind steady play, now sitting on the league's best defense and second-best offense. National team reserve Makoto Katayanagi scored his eighth goal of the season in the draw as his club continues to reap the benefits of the transfer that brought him in from FC Takano two seasons ago.

Sporting Kildare moved ahead of Aiken City with a 5-0 demolition of Sporting Lakeport, which went behind early and quickly fell into disarray. Stefan Rosberg is now without a goal in four straight league matches, matching his lack of production at the national team level.

Rob's Rant: Finding the offense: All right, so last time out, I talked about how the cats had doomed us all. I kept my eyes peeled during the Centurion game to make sure the little buggers didn't sneak into the stadium and cause any problems. I even left pockets of catnip at strategic locations outside the main gates to keep them occupied. The cats were indeed kept out, but the team still put up the squadoosh.

It's getting bad. The forum guys are losing their minds. There was a pretty epic thread last night that started with, "How do you keep Dancougar from beating your goalkeeper? Put a net behind him." And normally, that should make me mad. That's a low blow, dude, right in the pridesack. But I couldn't bring myself to rage. Instead, I just scrolled through the thread and realized... daaaaamn, it's all true.

So who do I blame, now? Besides the coach and the players, anyway. It's not the cats, so it has to be... uh... the media. Yeah. Media conspiracy! Once the team got good at football, every media sector at it up and shat out a phat load of commerce. Everyone had to have the latest football movie on DVD and everybody had to tune in to the latest cartoon. The current generation of players grew up watching this and must have started believing that a strong heart can conquer all challenges. Except no! I mean, look at some of this junk.

http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/hh106/newtypezaku/borrow.jpg
The face that always triggers an Amber Alert.

The record industry was gonna slap the parental warning on this thing for "explicit mustache," but just look at this thing. Can I Borrow a Golazo? The hell is a golazo? It's not a word, I'll tell you that, in this or any language. One, it's a frickin' goal. End of word. You're not cute by adding junk to the end, you just sound like an idiot. And second, you don't borrow a goal. You don't go up to the goalie and go, oh hey, didn't see you there, you mind if I kick this in there, you can have it right back. No, you take it, fool. You run into that box and you aim to kill.

http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/hh106/newtypezaku/jones.jpg
Stealing isn't cheating, so the university doesn't care.

It's a wonder anyone in this country still knows what football actually is after watching this movie. So the premise is that an action archeologist is on the hunt for the World Cup, which the movie reveals was actually forged from blood and gold back in the days of Mesoamerican culture. The Spaniards showed up and turned out to be way better at football than the Mayans and Aztecs and all of them, so they beat the crap out of the natives and took their trophy.

And then it got really trippy, because every four years the natives would try and get their thing back, and the Spaniards would, like, crush them in the game and then cannibalize the losers in some ritual sacrifice to appease the god Marguarotl, or something. These cannibalistic Spaniards, or Spaniabals, eventually merged culturally with the natives because, as they say, you are what you eat. So mestizos were born. Or wait, no, was that even the same movie?

http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/hh106/newtypezaku/anime.jpg
Rule 33 is that whatever it is, we made anime of it.

You all know what this ridiculousness is. No, it's not football, but you get the idea. Pretty Sportsman Erika. Yeah, so the way we get kids into sports is by showing them oversimplified, overly optimistic cartoons about teams that never lose no matter how much they suck or how good the other team is, because all they have to do is try. Awwww, that's cute for a show, but like... the guy on the other team isn't going to pause for two minutes to explain his life's story and his motivation for going into a tackle, giving you a chance to bond and thus become stronger competitors. He's just going to take you out and laugh while you whine and beg the referee for a free kick.

So yeah. Media. You made our guys forget what it means to actually go out and play. Also, please stop killing my medium. I need a job to buy more boxsets of Pretty Sportsman Erika. I mean, look at her. How could you not fall in love?

It was the morning of the big day at Channel 5 News. The story would air on the noon telecast as the reporters went over their material. There was one problem that they would have to deal with, and that was that HGH is a legal supplement in Dancougar, and the only evidence they have on Jeremy McAllister came after his transfer from Putnam Lake to Lakeport. It came after McAllister officially retired from international competition at the conclusion of Cup of Harmony 37. Therefore, theoretically, McAllister has done nothing illegal.

Davis raised this question to his colleagues until Austin spoke up. “Scott, all we have to do is raise the suspicion. We have the evidence that we need to expose McAllister as having used this stuff. That is a starting point, after that we will search for more information that can show he did it previously, even if we have to create it ourselves. Not a total lie, of course, but a statement perhaps that could sway public opinion. Is there anyone on that list that you think would help us in the investigation?”

“Carlson!” Shouted Scott Davis. “Brett Carlson is on that list and we know that he hates Nelson Yaschter and doesn’t care for McAllister. He’s ticked off at the national team for throwing him off the Cup of Harmony 37 roster and not even considering him for this round of World Cup qualifying.”

“What do we ask Brett to do?” Austin asked.

“Nothing that would be a lie. After we air our report this afternoon, we contact him. He’s still in Springfield with the Thoroughbreds. All we have to do is tell Brett that his name is all over this SAPCO report as well, although I am sure he will be concerned as soon as he hears SAPO even be mentioned. We’ll ask him his opinion on that, but more about Jeremy McAllister. If he’s ever seen something in the locker room from their previous World Cups together, he will come forward. If not, well, hopefully, he can be of some help to us. Brett isn’t concerned with his reputation, it’s already been damaged in the presses. J-Mac is the golden boy of the Empire, and we know Brett is annoyed by that.” Scott replied.

“I like the sound of it, but if Brett hasn’t seen anything before this that is suspicious, then he’s not going to help.” Austin said.

“Like I said, we won’t have to do any lying.. Brett will do it for us. He hates McAllister. He will sense the opportunity and say something, trust me. We just air the comments, and then we can’t be faulted for analyzing what is there. All we need to do is put the timeline of his HGH use somewhere during the period where is wearing the sky blue and white. He has plenty of motive for wanting to prolong his international career, to both play with his son, and have a chance to actually qualify for the World Cup.” Davis reassured Austin.

“I know, I’m just wondering. Do we have the kill the guy? It should be enough if we link him to HGH and to SAPCO. The bigger story here needs to be SAPCO. That list of players is ridiculous. It will cause doubt about his entire career, but we don’t need to pursue that any further. Let other news organizations pick it up from there, and let’s have the focus of this be SAPCO, not Jeremy McAllister. Doctor Holmes is the one who needs to be grilled and quite frankly, jailed.” Austin countered.

“The people don’t care about SAPCO. Law enforcement will deal with Holmes, there’s no excitement in that story. They care about Jeremy McAllister. He’s an icon. He holds one of Newmanistan’s greatest records of all time.” Replied Davis.

“Everytime we mention SAPCO, Jeremy’s name will be mentioned by association. He remains very relevant. We expose guys like Carlson, Bobby Foley, and Matt Coulson, or Alex Foster from the World Bowl team, and I find it hard to believe no baseball people are on this list. There’s gotta be some, but that can wait. In the sports world, when an athlete is rumored to be involved with something like this, there is no such thing as innocent until proven guilty. He’s guilty, and that’s the end of it. The majority of people aren’t going to be thinking, well it’s legal in Dancougar and none of this happened until after he was transferred, so it’s ok. No, they are going to come to the conclusion themselves that Jeremy has been using this his whole career. We don’t have to say that, the public jumps to that conclusion themselves. After exposing McAllister, let’s focus on SAPCO. As far as Jeremy is concerned, it’s perfectly fine if our work ends at exposing him as a cheat. We don’t need to kill the guy.” Austin countered once again, making Scott Davis think for a moment.

“It won’t hurt to get Carlson to speak. He may have great information for us. It’s almost time for us to go on the air, let’s just go with the facts that we know right now. That alone is going to rock the Empire. I’m sure that we’ll be able to get an interview with Jeremy very quickly after this, and then Carlson. The Rocket Report will certainly come calling, too.”

The two rehearse their segment, and soon enough, it is time for airing. It will air prior to a preview of Newmanistan’s upcoming qualifying match and will certainly put a damper on such a report. They have given their sports reporter a heads up on the piece they are about to air so that he can incorporate it into the report. Of course, they’ve prepared the headline that can’t be resisted for the next game: “Steroga... steroids vs stergoids” or any other tie in between the similarities in the name of our next opponent and steroids.” Everyone at the station knows this may be the most wide-reaching report that they have shown, and the executives were certainly very happy to know that their station was going to be the one to break the story. In fact, they had already begun preparing their next advertising campaign around it. The clip begins with a five-second clip of McAllister scoring a goal, and then walking off the field carrying the trophy from Cup of Harmony 37. It pauses on a shot with him raising the trophy over his head until five giant red letters spelling the word “FRAUD” appears over the shot. Davis begins to tell the world, careful to do so in a clear tone so that all viewers would understand how everything tied together. The pamphlet being in the hotel room. The uncover bust in Doctor Holmes’ office. The pamphlet they received being the same thing McAllister had, and then finally, the phone records. Records that could clearly show their had been conversations between the two of them. There was no way of ever knowing what those conversations were, but the majority of the people in Newmanistan wouldn’t care, just like Davis knew. Showing there was conversation is enough. Innocent until proven guilty doesn’t exist in the court of public opinion. After the piece, there was a brief and intended five-second silence before the station headed into a commercial.

Jeremy McAllister did not watch the piece as he would never have a reason to watch Channel 5 News. He had returned from the team’s training session until his phone began ringing off the hook. After the first caller mentioned it, he laughed it off. After the second, he just figured the two were in on it together. After Casey Berber, the captain of the Centralia Cougars from Dancougar called about it and very concerned and sincere, McAllister had to look it up. Of course, Channel 5 had the segment up on their website immediately. He watched it, and was left speechless. During all 180 of his international caps, he had never felt this helpless. Had he taken the HGH, it’d be different, perhaps. He thought he had disposed of the pamphlet. And his text messages back to the doctor had always been for him to leave him alone. He looked at other websites concerning the Rockets and forums were filling up with threads calling him a cheat. For every person that wanted to give the benefit of the doubt, there were about 20 people who were coming to the conclusion that he had been using this stuff since the Di Bradini Cup; the fourth one that he was a part of in Starblaydia. What could he do? Channel 5 never lied. He had the packet. He had text messaged the doctor. Then he began thinking about other effects, like the impact it would have on his son. Would Junior automatically be a cheat by association. He never cheated, though. He never took one pill. He had to call Channel 5. Of course while he had been watching the webcast, he turned the ringer off on his phone. When he went back to retrieve it, he had 8 voice mail messages, all about the report. One from Nelson Yaschter, which probably should be his priority, but also a message from Scott Davis, leaving a callback number.

McAllister called Davis immediately:

“Hello there, Jeremy.”

“Scott, we need to talk about this. It’s all not true, none of it is true.”

“Come to Centralia then and speak your side on air.”

“Well, I can’t just come to Centralia right now, can’t we do one of those via satellite deals?”

“Nah, I think I want you in the studio. I’ll see you tomorrow, I’m sure you’ll find a way. It’s not like you guys are doing anything of note in qualifying anyway. Why don’t you just come clean?”

“Because I did not take them. Holmes confronted me in Valanora, gave me the stuff. And I admit I didn’t immediately dispose of them, but I never took any. I did dispose of them, I just left that packet in Centralia. The text messages were him hounding me, like you reported, I only replied to about half of them, and my replies were telling him to fuck off.”

“And who’s going to believe that. Did you save the messages on your phone?”

“No, why would I?”

“Ok then. Come say what you want. I have Brett Carlson in studio tomorrow, and he promised me some good information. I’m sure if you’re story is true then you will want to be in studio with Carlson. We tape at noon.”

“Fuck Carlson. He’s a liar and just a downright asshole. Everyone in Newmanistan knows that. He has a vendetta against me.”

“Sorry to hear that. Tomorrow at noon. Can I plan on your showing up?”

Jeremy had no choice. “Yes!”

“Thanks. Anything else you’d like to say?”

“Fuck you!”

“Ok, then I will see you tomorrow. Bye!” (hangs up)

Woodstock Daily Mail

Braddock getting better of Yaschter ... so far

By Travis West
Daily Mail Staff Writer

NICKSIA -- Eighty-three year old Franz Braddock felt a burning desire to return to international football. Not as a ceremonial figure, not as someone who might go on a victory tour of sorts in his twilight years.

Braddock wanted to return to managing. He applied for several national team managerial openings, but his age proved to be a tougher roadblock than any opponent Cafundéu faced in his original run as manager. Team after team said no to the prospect of having an aged man try to pawn off outmoded footballing ideas on a national team level.

Newmanistan was one of the teams that considered Braddock before picking a younger countryman. Nelson Yaschter, a man who was hired partly because he's a taskmaster, according to sources familiar with Newmanistanian thinking, was chosen ahead of Braddock.

The chance that Braddock would be chosen for a national team managerial role seemed to be fading in the mist. All of a sudden, Braddock decided to send one more application when the Sarzonian national team position unexpectedly opened. Brian Wilson had been doing a credible job as national team manager, but he was being kicked upstairs to serve as Incorporated Football Federation chairman, replacing legendary father and former national team manager Dave Wilson in the top spot.

"I thought Sarzonia were an excellent side, especially for one that started at the bottom," Braddock said. "I expected them to be a team on the rise."

Conventional wisdom in Woodstock said the team would likely elevate Kevin Wilson, Brian's younger brother, to the managerial role. Chris Hannan, late of the Rymerian planetary team and a national team assistant manager, was also viewed as a possibility.

"Brian was grooming his brother for his old job," said a source who spoke on condition of anonymity due to the sensitive nature of the deliberations. "They didn't expect to see someone with Braddock's credentials apply for the position.

However, in one of his final acts as IFF chairman, Dave Wilson encouraged the IFF board of directors to buck the conventional thinking. He also asked the board to disregard their reluctance to hire a foreign-born manager.

"His style of play suits ours perfectly," Dave Wilson said. "He also has a list of accomplishments as long as my arm. The fact he wasn't born in Sarzonia should not be an obstacle to hiring him. We should seek the best person for the job no matter how old he or she is, no matter what country he calls home."

Still, the decision to hire Braddock sent shockwaves through the Sarzonian footballing community. All of a sudden, people who'd quickly crashed Sarzonian Google servers trying to find information about the octogenarian manager were up in arms.

"He's 83 years old!" one fan posted on a Stars football message board. "He won't have the job for long."

Braddock said he was elated to take the managerial position with the Stars and said he wanted to remain manager "as long as [the IFF] will have me."

"I was excited that a team as strong as Sarzonia would honour me by choosing me to manage them," he said. "I see great potential here."

Thus far, the team is living up to that potential. After four matches, the Stars have a 3-1-0 record and 10 points, putting them in first place in Group 13, three points ahead of world No. 5 The Holy Empire, which lost World Cup XLV to Calendaria and Marquez. As for Yaschter, his Rockets currently sit 1-0-3, currently level with Banten States for fifth place in Group 10.

"I can't comment on Newmanistan, we've only played them once," Braddock said. "The lads here seem to be responding so far."

Sarzonia wrap up its first half of qualifying with a home match against Terra Anatidae at Bryan Marshall Memorial Stadium. Stadium officials announced the match was sold out as of 6 p.m. this evening. Braddock sounded cautious about the team's chances to qualify for the World Cup for the first time since World Cup XXX.

"We're not even halfway there," he said. "Newmanistan can still make its push and we still have our toughest matches ahead of us."

But for four matches at least, the old dog has so far proven he doesn't need to learn new tricks.

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 12
PRQ: vs 1-0 [99] Norwellia (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 60,000)
MD1: vs 4-1 [24] Jeru FC (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD2: @ 1-0 [84] Kagdazka (@ kak po russky...?)
MD3: vs 5-1 [110] The Bear Islands (@ Potala, Lasa - 34,000)
MD4: @ 4-1 [132] Threetime (@ Triple Trisomy?)
MD5: vs [57] Quintessence of Dust (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MQ: @ [33] Taeshan (@ Atlantea Colesseum - a lot of small people)
MD6: @ [24] Jeru FC (@ barbarians' hut)
MD7: vs [84] Kagdazka (@ Silk Road Stadium, Seoan - 56,000)
MD8: @ [110] The Bear Islands (@ GAH! BARS! ... oh, that's bears, nvm...)
MD9: vs [132] Threetime (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD10: @ [57] Quintessence of Dust (@ Arena of Dreams, Nowy Orpington - at least there isn't any trash here)
PTQ: @ ghosts?

*** Samseong HQ ***

The CEO gasped.

"It can't be!"

And there, clad in red and white, with a portly waist just so, was the man that the CEO feared most at the moment.

"Ho Ho Ho!" Santa said. "Rumor has it that Samseong is sneaking around Cafundéu once again! Rio Bonito is doing quite a good job too!"

"Yes..."

"Ho Ho! Ever since Padaria came back home, he's been doing pretty well with the club, except..."

"I haven't heard any of that yet, so in lieu of the time-wasting tax option, I'd rather just pay the get-to-the-point tax."

"Ho Ho Ho!" Santa said, jovially "ho"ing. "Well, that's the very thing I've come! You see, that rumor says you were thinking about a partnership!"

"A partnership, perhaps."

"Yes!" Santa said, creeping closer to the CEO. "That's the thing. And Samsoeng and Banco Econômico? Together? That's quite a team, Ho Ho Ho!"

At that, the secretary came in, holding up a tray of tea for the CEO. "Would Director Santa like a cup of tea, sir?"

"Yes, even though it costs more."

"Ho Ho Ho! I hope's it's Ho-er tea! Ho Ho Ho!"

"I'm sorry, Director Santa," the secretary said. "We only have hong-cha."

"That's good and fine," the CEO said, trying to get the secretary out before she exceeded the time allowance for the dialogue-interruption tax. Paying all of these taxes was visibly painful, but the CEO tried hard to hide it so he could avoid paying the pain tax. The secretary left the tray upon the table by the CEO's desk. In that time, Santa had strolled up behind the desk and was standing by his chair.

"Ho Ho Ho!" he cheerfully exhorted, whilst placing a firm hand upon the CEO's shoulder. There went the no-touching tax... "So I think before we get started with the negotiations, we'll have to take care of a few taxes."

"Right..."

"First, there's the thinking about Cafundéu tax."

"Right..."

"Then, there's the visiting out-of-state tax."

"Right..."

"Then there's the holding tax, the talking with a financial official tax, the talking with a Banco official, talking without signing an appointment tax, the not-breathing air from Cafundéu tax, and - Ho Ho Ho! - my favorite! The tax on a tax! In this case, many taxes..."

"Right..."

"So, we'll also add the tax for serving me tea, although you'll get the credit if I don't drink it. But then we'll have that tax on getting a tax credit. The tax for interrupting dialogue - a decent rate for a decent time, Ho Ho! We've also got the tax for using a foreign airline carrier to leave Cafundéu. Not to mention, the tax for signing a contract, the tax for signing the contract to sign for the taxes for a contract, a tax for non-disclosure discussions, a tax for wily thinking, and a tax for not eating enough fiber."

"I've been getting double my average dose of fiber, thank you very much!" A mistake on the CEO's behalf.

"Ho Ho Ho!" Santa replied. "But your stool knows who's the fool! There's now that tax for debating with a financial official too! And the tax for debating with a Banco official! And a tax for getting on my naughty list, because your fiber is too low."

"Okay... so I've been eating more rice lately. It's not like my appetite is getting worse as I age."

"Ho Ho Ho!" Santa said gleefully, "There's a tax on that too!"

"Okay, so are we done with the taxes?"

"Rightly so! We've got the tax to get-to-the-point, and the tax to finish our transaction. Tax to use currency, tax to transact, and tax to process." And with that, Santa handed a clipboard containing the full list of taxes that Samseong would have to pay. And though Santa had it neatly tucked away, the CEO fudged with a wrinkled edge, and the list unfurled across the floor until it carpeted the marble edifice a good two inches above the ground.

"Ho Ho Ho!" Santa said. "There's a tax for playing with my papers, a tax for coating a semi-porous surface with another semi-porous object, and a tax for using my clipboard."

"Right... I'll bet that this list is longer than the total combined lists of people that you have to take care of."

"Ho Ho Ho!" Santa replied. "Right you are! Ho Ho Ho! There's a tax for gambling too!"

"Right..." Avoiding the urge to say anything more, the CEO simply signed the tax forms and handed it back to Santa, who neatly tucked it all up under his red cloak. With that done, Santa sat down on the CEO's visitor's chair - which heaved a deep creak as he fully reclined against the seat - and turned a gleeful eye towards the CEO. "So, what can Banco Econômico do for Samseong today?"

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/Companies/MBC.png

Tripled Tripling Triple Triples Tripley Triplest Triple

THREETIME - Try saying that thing three times fast!

In any case, we found that the national obsession over the number three in Threetime was virtually non-existent. It must have been amusing (or annoying) to have hordes of people make "three" jokes and "three" puns all the while, so much that the locals might have been spotted avoiding awkward threesomes. Thankfully, no one got hat tricks. In fact, not entirely keeping in the extremely recent tradition of scoring lots of goals on n00bs, there were four goal scorers. In keeping with the tradition of fastidiously obtuse jokes, they were all scored upon minutes where three was a common factor, sometimes in more ways than one. The obvious one was that 3rd minute strike by Baek Jihun. Analysts say that he was trying to set up Jeong Jihun, but the ball went a little farther than what anyone anticipated and it found the net. The next goal came off that sublime 27 meter free kick delivery by Jeong Jihun (in the 33rd minute). Threetime managed to find the back of our net just three minutes later, but that was about as close as it ever got to a win for them. Instead, the Han came out of the interval, with Kim Mihyeon's strike hitting the post on out for Kim Gwangseok to tidy up on the 48th minute. Kim would get her own strike later in the 66th minute, where upon the Han played "keep away" for the remainder of the match. Not to say that they weren't dangerous, but come on - you know they can do better.

Which brings me to the segment where I periodically remind our readers that the Han are not yet qualified! Anyone of those teams can throw a proverbial wrench into the well-greased Han-scoring machine and throw us off the path to another chance at glory before losing to some SLANI n00bs on PKs. But if we don't get our act together, we'll be sure to lose to some other random n00b without the use of PKs. And what happened after the Han took that 4-1 lead was clear evidence that the Han might become potential victims of complacency! I mean, who goes 30 minutes without scoring a single goal these days? If the Han can't manage to bring that down to a more reasonable average of a goal every ten minutes, there's no one we can compete with the likes of Valanora, Starblaydia, and *gasp* Candelaria And Marquez! I mean, we're just barely still in the top ten in the world, only because our PK team sucks horribly.

So hopefully, they will have learnt their lessons by now, because we're going to be facing against the most non-n00bish n00b in the Group, Quintessence of Dust. And I've just read some report that suggested that the only way that they can compete with the Han is by hating us, which means that that sunshine parade we might have been expecting in Nowy Orpington is more likely going to be a feeding frenzy. And we just can't let a feeding frenzy throw down our chances to qualify. Otherwise, it's another year before we can hope to have another chance to lose to another set of random n00bs.

And this last paragraph is just here because I don't want to write an article with three paragraphs. (ed. actually, this makes five) Oh SLANI...

Goal Scorers
5 - Kim Mihyeon
3 - Jeong Jihun
2 - Baek Jihun
1 - Kim Gwangseok, Kim Yongji, An Pilrip, Pak Yongho[/QUOTE][/QUOTE][/QUOTE]

^^^ I'm doing a poll to see how many people notice how long that list of [/QUOTE] thingies I can add before people will notice...

(hours after the break asked by Lord Naplas)

LORD NAPLAS - "Thanks for allowing us to stop for a while, Your Honor. I guess we had to rest a bit before what will come now."

JUDGE ALRADE - "That's ok. I needed to go to the bathroom anyway, so I took the opportunity."

MR. X - "Same thing for me. And also I could get a cup of coffee, these trials are so boring."

LORD NAPLAS - "It'll get exciting now, believe me. Now The Scout will talk about how he did business with each of the nations we'll comment."

THE SCOUT - "As you wish."

TRAVASSOS - "But how can we be sure that the information he'll say here is true?"

JUDGE ALRADE - "He swore by his money. I think it'll be enough."

URUBUPUNGÁ - "The question is another: how can he fully comment about the deals made during the last transfer season if he wasn't the one who did the negotiations? It was Bigodinho, The Scout just made the list!"

LORD NAPLAS - "That's why we won't just talk about the deals which had your criminal intent linked with... we'll talk about the whole procedure behind CCFM's player signings, from the past."

BUSTOS - "I wonder what this will help in the judgement."

LORD NAPLAS - "Maybe nothing. This we'll only know after The Scout talks."

TRAVASSOS - "So you won't really talk about the accusations here?"

LORD NAPLAS - "Of course I will. But I'm feeling these specific questions will have to be answered by another scout..."

BIGODINHO - "If I have to, I will without problems. I have nothing to hide and I admit I did a mistake, but I am no criminal."

LORD NAPLAS - "Enough interference, I have a witness to question... can I?"

JUDGE ALRADE - "Of course, go ahead."

LORD NAPLAS - "As I promised, nation by nation, Mr. Scout... let's avoid talking about the nations the CCFM only negotiated this transfer window, but we won't talk about old deals like the ones with Ariddia and Squornshelous."

BRENO GAVIÃO - "Ahhhh, how sad! I'd love to comment about these trrrrrrrrrransferrrrrrrrrrs and use some of my incrrrrrrredible knowledge!"

JUDGE ALRADE - "What are you doing here? You aren't even part of this trial, you shouldn't be here!"

BRENO GAVIÃO - "I felt lonely at home, decided to come herrrrrre."

JUDGE ALRADE - "Leave now! Agent Capiau, please."

AGENT CAPIAU - "Come with me, sir, please."

(Gavião leaves with Capiau)

LORD NAPLAS - "Continuing... we'll talk about recent deals with active nations, nations which are still doing business with the CCFM from times to times."

THE SCOUT - "I see... you narrowed down a giant list to a big one."

LORD NAPLAS - "Quite."

THE SCOUT - "So, what will be the criterium? Ranking order, value of players..."

LORD NAPLAS - "Random order. Take this pot and take a ball."

THE SCOUT - "Okay, let me see... Yafor Two."

LORD NAPLAS - "So that's the nation we'll talk about today. Tell me about the deals done with the Yafor Two teams."

THE SCOUT - "You know, this is one of the nations to which the CCFM has made lots of negotiations, and not all successful. At the beginning, the Yaforite team wasn't among most of our nation shortlists, but with time it became one of the priorities of the CCFM."

LORD NAPLAS - "Tell me more about that."

THE SCOUT - "It took some time for the CCFM to notice the potential of the Yaforite players. Although we had made deals with them still in the first seasons of our leagues, these deals were shy ones, involving just one or two players. Only when Nilan Bahsir really started to make an impact in our league the CCFM noticed how they were losing an opportunity to really reinforce the league."

LORD NAPLAS - "Oh, I remember Bahsir."

NILAN BAHSIR - "I was a pretty good player, to be honest. Lampert is in my position now, he is doing a fine job, but I'd like to see the Cafundó do Juta fans missing me."

JUDGE ALRADE - "Another intruder! Please, Mr. Bahsir, you are not allowed to come here."

NILAN BAHSIR - "Wait, how did I get here?"

JUDGE ALRADE - "I don't care, just show him the way out, Capiau."

AGENT CAPIAU - "I am your fan, can you give me an autograph while we leave the room?"

(they leave)

LORD NAPLAS - "So, with Bahsir's success, the investments went to Yafor Two?"

THE SCOUT - "Not that this didn't happen before. But yes, we have decided to invest more. One of the interesting things in the deals with them is that their willingness in negotiating the players was high, and therefore we could always find some good players to sign between their National Team members. It was a certain source of talents!"

LORD NAPLAS - "And the price... was it high?"

THE SCOUT - "Average. Far higher than what we pay for newcomers and Cup of Harmony nations, really, but the average price of a World Cup participant. So, much less than what we got used to pay Valanora or the Paripana federations..."

LORD NAPLAS - "And have you noticed any kind of suspicious deal involving Yafor Two?"

THE SCOUT - "On my time? Not really, it was a very open negotiation..."

LORD NAPLAS - "And you know that when the other part of a deal is open, it is also open for some "conditions" in the deal..."

THE SCOUT - "You're right. Well, as time was passing, this willingness got reduced. Their league has improved a bit, and it became more difficult to sign players from them... we started to receive more refusals than agreements, and this ended with Yafor Two going from a high position to an intermediate position in our nation shortlist."

LORD NAPLAS - "I see, so there are some difficulties nowadays..."

THE SCOUT - "Yes."

LORD NAPLAS - "But this didn't stop the CCFM from negotiating... and from using Yafor Two for their evil scheme... evidence number thirteen shows us the CCFM secret papers, taken by the police, which show that the claimed price of Dolarin Mijak, A.F.F.'s midfielder, isn't the same CCFM paid for his player rights!"

JUDGE ALRADE - "Mr. X, evidence thirteen."

MR. X - "Completely true... Mijak's claimed price was nearly twice of his real price."

LORD NAPLAS - "What do you have to say about this... Jonas Bigodinho?"

BIGODINHO - "I only followed orders, I didn't earn a cent of vintém in this deal!"

LORD NAPLAS - "You're a criminal like any other..."

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Damn..."

LORD NAPLAS - "Care to give me info about other nation?"

THE SCOUT - "Sure, let me take another ball... let me see... Qazox."

LORD NAPLAS - "So, what about the deals for Qazoxian players."

THE SCOUT - "Always in an intermediate position in our nation shortlist, due to the lack of information we received about their players. Although I am the scout, I use to work with some info about their previous performance, so we didn't invest too much. Price was average."

LORD NAPLAS - "Were the deals good?"

THE SCOUT - "Of course, but they didn't adapt well to Cafundelense football. They'd always lose space in the National Team once they went here, given a few exceptions..."

LORD NAPLAS - "Let's take another break..."


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


BARON BOSHCKE - "I have an update about the trial, my Queen."

ALICE I - "What it is? Tell me good news, or you may have your head off your body!"

BARON BOSHCKE - "But, Your Highness..."

ALICE I - "Hahahahaha! I am joking! You had to see your face..."

BARON BOSHCKE - "Er..."

ALICE I - "Now laugh, or there'll be really bad consequences."

BARON BOSHCKE - "Oh, of course, hahaha! You're wonderful."

ALICE I - "More respect, I am a married woman, and have a son."

BARON BOSHCKE - "I was talking about your sense of humour, not your body."

ALICE I - "Ah, so are you saying I am ugly?"

BARON BOSHCKE - "O... o... of course not! Why I would say that, you are a real beauty!"

PRINCE HECTOR - "Stop it, my daughter... hehe... otherwise the Baron will have to give his apologies during all day!"

ALICE I - "Hmpfh... next time the Baron makes another comment like this one, I'll have to call my husband... or the executioner."

PRINCE HECTOR - "You know there is only death penalty in Cafundéu for the most serious crimes."

ALICE I - "This is serious..."

BARON BOSHCKE - "Excuse me, can I talk about the trial? Lord Naplas is doing well, we have more evidence to send those five to jail..."

ALICE I - "Anything concrete now?"

BARON BOSHCKE - "Not really, they are still talking."

ALICE I - "So leave! And make them decide this soon!"

PRINCE HECTOR - "He can't do it."

ALICE I - "So he will have to learn fast!"

WORLD'S MOST THREATENING DISEASES - THE CANDELARIAS FEVER
Diseases that have reached the Landau Institute and how to get cured from them
An original series by the Lowrni Island's nicest country (and the only one)

Due to we losing contact with our representative who was following the World Cup qualifiers results, we have no idea about the performance of the Landau Institute in the last game of the qualifiers, neither the score. So, we'll take this opportunity to start a series about the most curious and dangerous diseases of the world, diseases that have reached our Institute, and are being studied by our genius scientists, who worked on the cure for them. In our first edition, we'll talk about a common disease that happens inside the country of Candelaria And Marquez, especially when there are football games in the country, curiously. And, due to the fact that this disease spreads when some specific countries are going to play in Candelaria And Marquez raises suspicions that the citizens of these countries carry the virus of this disease with them, and so they infect the Candelariasians. This idea was reinforced due to the fact that Candelariasians going to these countries return with the same symptoms. The countries' citizens who seem to affect people from Candelaria And Marquez the most are: Valanora, the now-deceased Az-cz, The Holy Empire, Prux, Dariusville, among others.

Now, about the disease itself. Its main symptom is that the affected person will start to see creatures of the mythology or of popular culture. In some severe cases, the effect reaches a point where the person will believe that some animals are speaking, or even trees! During the last World Cup final, nearly the whole country got affected, believing their team was playing against a team composed by cavemen. The biggest epidemic happened during World Cup 44, when things nearly get out of control, which each Candelariasian citizen claiming to have seen some strange creature, be it an elf, a gnome, an immortal person... this led the government to carry out a huge prevention program against the disease, which consisted of many media reports advising the people about how to proceed in case they "saw" one of these creatures: first of all, they had to know it was an illusion; second, they couldn't believe that; third, they had to go to the hospital to get the cure, which was created by an intelligent scientist: a blindfold. Nowadays, it seems this disease is under control, although the Candelariasian government keeps a huge stock of blindfolds at their hospitals.

Achtervolging overcome Pasarga to edge closer to the World Cup Finals courtesy of Aurelio Prat's second-half header.

An edgy game saw chances at a premium before Prats rose above his marker to power home Nelson Fielding's deep cross.

Pasarga threw men forward and tested Edwin Nelisse before Roy Tracey cleared off the line from a six-yard drive.

But the Lions held firm with some stout late defending.

Frederik Anjema's side were rewarded for their attacking intent and now find themselves just one point away from a qualifying spot on the table.

Fielding and Bradley Sheron peppered the Pasargan penalty area with crosses but the Pasargan centre halves proved more than capable of mopping up anything that Achtervolging threw at them as the home side looked to soak up pressure and strike on the break.

The best chance of an edgy first-half fell to Lasse Elestadt, who found space 20 yards from goal only to drag his shot wide of the post

The second half started with a higher tempo from both sides and Achtervolganian striker Prats had an early chance as the Pasargan defence parted for him but he scuffed his shot wide from the edge of the box.

The Lions, the only side showing any real attacking intent, began to be rewarded for their pressure with more chances as Sheron forced the first meaningful save of the game when his downward header was well saved.

Finally the visitors made the breakthrough as Fieldings's inch-perfect cross found Prats and the tall forward out-jumped his marker and powered a header past the keeper.

The goal woke Pasarga from their defensive slumber, with a wicked snap-shot testing Nelisse for the first time in the game before Baart Plet cleared off the line from a substitute's low shot.

The Lions also had an effort cleared off the line when Sheron burst through, the keeper did well to stop the ball going into the net.

With the minutes ticking away Pasarga threw caution to the wind and committed men forward but last-ditch defending from the Lions reduced the home side to half chances and gave Anjema's men one step closer to contention for a qualifying spot.

After the match Anjema refused to speak with the press, but did say the FAA would have a comment on the Candelaria And Marquez incident sometime tomorrow.

Kaye: Oi you! PERVERT
Gray: Oh hi Kaye. What seems to be the issue?
Kaye: Where's my cut of the money. I know it was you who posted those videos of me on those video sites who pay you for the hits. I know you're making money out of this.
Gray: Well, yeah it was me.

Kaye: I want 50%.
Gray: What about 25%?
Kaye: One third then
Gray: Err, how about 30%

Kaye: I tell you what ... I give you good stuff and you post.
Gray: So you get 30% of all takings as well.
Kaye: What you think?
Gray: Well, saves me sneaking around with camera. And time too.

Kaye: I'll make sure people will like looking at it.
Gray: More kinky stuff then.
Kaye: Well, yes but no snakes.
Gray: Oh, the Dazza Dallas snakes thing ... I liked that.

Kaye: I'm not that weird. But I'm need the money.
Gray: We might in trouble you know.
Kaye: I'm always getting into trouble anyway.
Gray: Well, that's a deal then.

Kaye: Good good.
Gray: Won't you get into trouble with the parents.
Kaye: They can shove their opinions where the sun doesn't shine.
Gray: Aren't you selling yourself out now?

Kaye: Well, I'm out there on the Internet now. Might as well make money out of all this.
Gray: what about the coach?
Kaye: He doesn't care. As long I put in 100% on the football field, he's OK with all this.
Gray: I do my 50%.

Kaye: I dunno about even 50%.
Gray: At least I'm there to help, sorta.
Kaye: Never mind, just do what do best and get me some money.
Gray: Don't worry, I'll make money for ya.

The dreary gray clouds hung over Raynor City like a ominous warning before the great rains that were bound to soak the city in the next few hours. All was as it usually was, people coming and going, while others were getting lost in the hustle, purposely or not. Nothing was amiss in the least, and that what was giving Tobias pause. For the past year, he and the country had been going on this "spiritual rebirth", and the process had been slow, but with positive signs. There had been numerous instances where a handful of people who were not willing to change their ways would cause a fuss and demonstrate rather than emigrate somewhere else. It was during those instances that Tobias would once again use his influence in various places to have the Dark Bows quiet the demonstrators. However, it had been months since the last demonstration, and quietly, the changes where beginning to take place. They were very small transitions, subtle changes that only the keenest of observers would notice, but they where there.

This is what was giving the former Great Leader pause. Had they reached that point where they had transitioned back to the more perfect state of being that they once had been? Or was it a matter of merely becoming oblivious their innate elven traces, becoming more human with each passing day? Both directions presented themselves with very difficult decisions to be had in the coming weeks and months. The trouble was, which direction where they truly on?

Change is not something you undertake merely for the sake of change, or so Tobias thought. If he needed to make those decisions, he needed to know what he was up against, and trying to address. Where to turn though? Everyone had their own set of agendas, and he dare not trust the priesthood so soon after discovering their discreet lies and misrepresentations of the merciful Goddess. Even his friends had their own ideas about what to do in the current situational environment, most of which conflicted with Tobias' own ideas about how the world is and should be. His wife, though the Great Leader by his choice, also did not seem to grasp what Tobias thought needed to be done. Perhaps it was merely his own misconstrued view of the world that was wrong, not everyone else? Then why would the Great Goddess time and time again choose to work through him to have her will enforced?

The only constant seemed to be the new perfect and flawless execution of the sports national teams in international competitions. Even if they were felled by Kura-Pelland in that friendly a few months ago, they were perfect in qualifying. Kuu was steering the ship like a captain who had grown up on the sea, knowing its ins and outs like the back of his hand. The Calcuttas had defended their championship in the World Cup of Hockey in a near perfect fashion, and the EPL continued to be among the elite leagues in the world. It gave Tobias a chuckle at how odd it was that the aspect of society that was meant more as a distraction than anything else seemed to operate so smoothly compared to the trials and tribulations of handling a nation, and a society that needed direction.

Perhaps it would do me well to visit my old mates and escape from it all for a few days? Maybe get some perspective on the issues by severing myself from them? After all, it's been several years since I last took a vacation. Oh what a vacation that turned out to be, as it brought me my lady. Yes, I think I will travel and visit the national team...

THE ROCKET REPORT

SHOCKWAVES THROUGHOUT EMPIRE

Steroga- The Rockets lost 1-0 again. You’d think that would be the lead story. Not really. Actually, with all the news going on with Newmanistanian sports, the fact that the Rockets are having yet another poor first half collapse is not what is on the minds of the people. Even our greatest football fans aren’t thinking about people named McLaughlin. Right now, this is not important. Right now, the icon of Newmanistanian football, Jeremy McAllister has been attached to laboratory in Southport which willing distributes illegal performance-enhancing drugs. The story was reported this evening by Channel 5 News in Centralia, by Scott Davis, who is well known in that area for investigative reporting, making him a very reliable source. Is it true? Is the great Jeremy McAllister a cheat? He is more then just a great football player, but became the first Newmanistanian to make an impression in any sport. With his stellar play in Di Bradini Cup 4, to leading us to a wonderful Baptism of Fire victory. He did everything for us, and now we wonder. Was it all a product of an illegal drug? Phone records show indisputable proof that McAllister was in contact and steady communication with a Doctor Richard Holmes, the chief name in the SAPCO, or Southport Area Physician’s Co-operative business. Why would this be the case if he were not a user? The phone records only go back to the last Di Bradini Cup in Valanora, but has he been using before that?

For Newmanistanians, there is only one answer. Jeremy has cheated. He has disgraced the empire, and the World Cup. Perhaps this is why the great Simeone Di Bradini put this curse on us that will keep us from ever qualifying for the World Cup. Newmanistan was the last team Simeone ever saw win a title in Starblaydia, and Jeremy has told us that Simeone told him to be “true to the game”. Well, Jeremy, you’re not exactly doing that if you’re using these substances. So in a nation that believes in spirits in the city of Tundra Falls, then maybe this is the basis for the Curse of Di Bradini. We hope that it is not true. Please, Jeremy, say it ain’t so. There’s just too much there, too much for us to think otherwise. Even if he only used HGH after he was transferred to Dancougar, where the substance is legal, he should still be cognizant of the fact that he is a Newmanistanian looked up to by millions of Newmanistanians, and therefore should not be doing something that is illegal here, in the Empire.

Our minds travel further, now. Is his son using it? Matthew Coulson was named in the report. Does he get booted from the team now? Now, what about the distraction that this will have on the team, right before they get set to attempt yet another frantic second half charge to try and qualify for this thing. Is it fate that the next opponent after this report comes out that we have to play is Steroga? Which is very close to the spelling of Steroid?

And you thought the only thing Nelson Yaschter had to worry about was a 1-0-3 record.

Márkó Bányai's little house on the outskirts of Torgos did not appear to be much of anything. Just your standard two bedroom home for the lower middle class of the nation. Yet inside the mud brick house lay scattered parts and pieces all over the place, and voices coming from the spare room.

"But what if you get caught Márkó? You could be facing serious punishment here if the right people find out what you are up to."

"Don't be silly Cirillo, the only person outside of you that know what I am doing are those that I am partnering with. I highly doubt that they will rat me out to those people. After all, if I succeed, not only will I be famous, but Pasarga herself will benefit from my operations."

Cirillo sighed. He had been trying to talk some sense into his life long friend for hours now. Márkó had invited him over for what he had assumed was an afternoon tea, but then he found his friend tinkering around on things that he could not make heads and tails of. When he asked his friend just what he was doing, all he said in reply was,

"Something that will make me famous Cirillo. Something that will do wonders, and that is badly needed."

He was afraid, not only for himself, but for Márkó. He had no idea what his friend was undertaking, and he continued to give vague and riddling answers when pressed. He hoped that Márkó knew what he was getting into, but he doubted that the zealous young man had taken precautions.

Wanderers Continue BoF Form

Despite a promising win in Rejistania on matchday two, the Wanderers are being shown that they still have a mountain to climb before they will be anything resembling a world power. With just a single match left before the mid qualification break, Pasarga sits dead last in their group, with one of the worst goal differentials in the entire qualification process. The goal of getting ten points is looking like a far fetched dream at this point, as they where just downed at home by fellow low ranked side Achtervolging on a second half goal

The strikers are finding it very difficult to break down defenses on the international level, while the midfield can not hold possession against their foes. This has caused undue pressure on what is a very solid backline, but even the best defenders eventually cave in under a huge amount of pressure. Erdôs needs to gather his troops and remind them that they are playing for their nation and the pride of its' people. While the PFF set the ten point goal, the true goal was to avoid embarrassment, which has thus far not been achieved.

It is looking more and more like the Rejistania match was just an exception to the poor play rather than a showing of what the national team could be. While I would not call this World Cup a disaster yet, the side needs to start playing with some urgency and making their foes earn the points. While Candelaria And Marquez are running away with the group, all of the other sides have been proven to be quite beatable. While it would require a great amount of luck, if this side was to somehow find a rallying point, they could still make a leap towards qualification, or at least that coveted ten point goal. The World Cup is a marathon, and the players need to remember they are only halfway through the race. What shall the other half of the race show?

MILLIONAIRES SEND MESSAGE

Group 15 is going to be a two-way battle between Capitalizt SLANI and Bazalonia, you say? Not if the Millionaires have anything to say about it as the team put together a terrific performance to record a 3-3 draw on the road against the former World Cup Champions. There is no contest when comparing the history of our nations. We have never qualified for a World Cup. A Di Bradini Cup sits in our trophy chest as the only thing of note that we have accomplished in soccer. Capitalizt SLANI has won World Cups 15, 21, 26, 27, 30, and 39, a truly amazing feat. (OOC: Yes, the Secristan Department of Sports recognizes those Cups they claim as theirs from the other association as truly being theirs because we like their economic ideals). They are ranked #14 in the world, but we’re not buying that there are thirteen better teams then them in the world. Our players did not feel intimidated by that history at all, and actually felt very comfortable in their surroundings and were ready to put on a great show because they knew what a good result would mean. A chance to qualify? Well, we suppose, but they knew that this would be the highest viewed game of any on television, and a strong performance here could lead to nice endorsement deals. Getting the first goal of the match early helped when Kevin Tucker put us up in the 12th. Bazalonia had dropped six on them, and we were ready to pick up where they left off. SLANI got their home crowd going with goals in the 21st and 31st minutes on goals by Sharon Pittman and Gary Pollard, only to be quickly silenced in the 38th by Tucker’s second of the game. Late in the second half, SLANI went up by a goal again thanks to Pittman’s second in the 73rd. The resilient Millionaires battled back and got another equalizer, this in the 80th off the foot of Scott Tollisen. By the end of the game, the two offensive minded teams got a hard-earned point for their efforts.

This was the most expensive game of qualifying for our fans to purchase on pay-per-view, but that was by design. Demand would be highest for this game, and it did not disappoint. The game placed third on the all-time sales list of soccer telecasts not involving regional rivals, behind only the road game in Jeruselem in World Cup 43 and the road match in Valanora four years ago. It is unclear right now if the draw will earn any of the players additional endorsement deals, but this is probable given the high amount of companies that decided to advertise during the telecast and we are sure their top executives were watching to make sure their commercial showed at the proper time. There was some bad news in this as the first SLANI goal was scored while we were in a commercial, something that might prompt more people to call for in-screen or picture-in-picture advertising. Secristan is one of the few countries that will leave a game telecast live entirely to show commercials. The SDOS didn’t seem to care, insisting that showing the fans the replay when they got back was good enough. We have one more game of qualifying, against bushes that need to be quacked. The game is at home.

Akbarabad play out a goalless draw.

(Akbarabad press, AP): Akbarabad played out a goalless draw at home to top seed and group leaders Cafundéu. In a dull game with few chances, both sides seemed content with a point. The result leaves the team in third place , but as the only one in the group who is still unbeaten. The team's next match is away to Panuul.

Huge game approaches as heavyweights of group three meet.

The title pretty much sums it up. Peisandros travel to Sorthern Northland in what will be their first big test. Both teams come in to the game having recorded a perfect start to the campaign, so this game is sure to be exciting. Peisandros especially have come out of the blocks with a bang, scoring 14 goals in their first four games and conceding only three. SN have also looked good but have been tested more which could prove costly for Peisandros. The number seven ranked team in the world will be extremely hard to beat at home and if Peisandros can get up it will be a huge achievement.

Meanwhile, there has been speculation that coach Alexander Pappas is going to resign after this World Cup. Although there is no official word, it has been rumored that if the Sandrians do not qualify he definitely will resign, but it is not clear whether he will if they do manage to qualify. The latter is currently looking the more likely, as Peisandros managed to easily beat the four lower ranked teams in the group. A win against SN here would allbut confirm a finals spot, with the other teams unlikely to catch a five from five team. However all that remains to be seen and you just never know with football.

In related news, a referee in Peisandros has been shot in the arm. The incident occurred at the mans home and the circumstances surrounding the shooting are unknown, but it did occur after the Somewhereistonia game in which the man was the fourth official. The PFA released a statement condemning the attack and are urging anyone with information to go forward to police. There was talk a Somewhereistonia man had been arrested, but this could not be confirmed.

Stay tuned for all the latest football news, here, on RFMW12.



Schedule.
PQ Friendly:
@ Bears Armed 0-1.
Qualifying round one:
MD1: v Australiazia (Peisandros Basin, Delphi.) 5-0.
MD2: v Somewhereistonia (National Sports Arena, Olympia.) 3-1.
MD3: @ Edward City 2-0.
MD4: v Golgothastan (People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.) 4-2.
MD5: @ Sorthern Northland
MQ Friendly:
v Quintessence of Dust (Peisandros Basin, Delphi.)
Qualifying round two:
MD6: @ Australiazia
MD7: @ Somewhereistonia
MD8: v Edward City (ATI Stadium, Thasos.)
MD9: @ Golgothastan
MD10: v Sorthern Northland (National Sports Arena, Olympia.)
PQ Friendly:
@ Jeru FC.

Cup Dreams I: The Passion of the Housecat

Wins in red to symbolize passion, the theme of the tournament;
Draws in blue to symbolize the conflict of optimism vs. pessimism;
Losses in green to symbolize the growth of our footballing tradition even in our darkest times.

Pre-Qualifying Friendlies

Norwellia 1-0 Dancougar
Norwellia 3-2 West Newmanistan
Norwellia 0-1 Daehanjeiguk

Total: 2-0-1, GD +1, PPG 2

Qualifying Campaign

Norwellia 2-2 Akbarabad
Norwellia 1-0 Kosovoe
Norwellia 0-1 Panuul
Norwellia 2-1 Phillips Island

Total: 2-1-1, GD +1, PPG 1.75

History: 9-3-11, 37 GF/50 GA (-13 GD), 38 pts/23 GP (1.65 PPG)

Practically tied for first place in Group 6 with a huge game against Cafundéu coming up, the Rainbow Warriors have a real chance to prove themselves. If they drop both Cafundense games as expected, they will need to keep up their form against the rest of the group and hopefully try to pick up a favorable result against Panuul to ensure a football miracle. Norwellia is already building a respectable footballing tradition with a 9-3-11 overall record in four tournaments. Even that is deceptive, with the humiliation of the inaugural Empire Charity Cup, the mixed results of AOCAV XXVI, and the blowout loss to Italia Orientale coming before the mastermind lineup rehaul now referred to as "The Enlightenment" in the Norwellian sports media. Since the Enlightenment, the high-flying "Age of Reason" starting eleven are 8-1-3, outscoring their opponents by eight goals, slamming two balónes into enemy nets per game and racking up an impressive 2.33 PPG.

The constructive utility of seething rage has been a theme in both the politics and the sports of Norwellia, fast being established as a sporting tradition through the infamous "passion plays" of both football manager Alexandre Fréchette and gridball coach Didier Robillard on the world stage. The latter stunt brought only temporary results on the field, but Fréchette continues to hear the Goal Cannon go off at UVEW Stadium after twelve globetrotting Sundays of joy, sadness, and most of all, passion.

Meghan’s Space

Another draw, making three in four games. On the flight back from the Islands of Qutar, a few of us were wondering how many of these games we would have won if qualifying had extra time and shootouts. Would we be 4-0? 1-3? Or somewhere in the middle? The amount of difference that it could make really must make you wonder. Now, I don’t want people to think that we feel that qualifying needs to have games end in a win or a loss, because I do not feel that way. I know that there are a lot of people out there that simply do not like shootouts ending a soccer game. After all, soccer is a team game, and a shootout is too much of an individual sideshow. The format is just fine as it is, games ending in draws to make for interesting scenarios when all is said and done, and it’s really not something that you think about unless you have three draws in four games. It could be three losses in four games, so remember that! The Islands of Qutar are good a team, they may not qualify this time, but keep an eye on them. They got talent and an overall good system. We will conclude now, the first half of qualifying against Jeruselem in a game that some here are insisting as playing up as “Good Girls vs Bad Girls.” I know that everyone here on our team really hates that. Why do we have to play the role of the Good Girl? They call themselves the Princesses, after all, we don’t. There’s going to be two promotions at Concord Heights Stadium for the game, one for kids, and one for adults. For the kids, it’s dress like a Princess day. They should dress up in their best Princess outfit and whoever wins is going to win tickets for an upcoming game. The second, sure to be a hit with the men, is Dress Like a Dallas Whore Day, where you will need to, well I am sure you can figure it out. You must have an outfit though, going completely naked will not be acceptable. It gives you all a chance to have some fun in the stands while we play what will be a very important game.

On an unrelated note, I have been summoned by a Centralia TV station in Newmanistan to speak about the Jeremy McAllister situation. I really do not want to do this, I don’t even know this guy. I know the name, but that’s about it. It’s one of things that I guess as a member of the Centralia Cougars in Newmanistan, that I have to be obligated to do. They probably are interested in me because I also play in the World Cup. Anyway I’ve told them that I have more important things to worry about and I will only give them a brief statement. I don’t know what that will be yet, but I will think of something.

Qasarian Evening Sport

Exiting Eagles win gives hope

Eight goals were scored in a brilliant and open match between the Eagles and Edward City. The game started at a tremendous pace and never stopped with the Eagles making a strong impression early on when Skormilonski latched on to a perfect Nolakk cross, only to drag the shot wide in the 3rd minute.

The opener came soon afterwards with Keres sliding the ball through to the speedy Kusnets, who dummied the keeper before taking it past him to knock to the ball in to the open net on 6'. It was a great start and things were looking good. Disaster seemed to strike in the 12th minute when a rare Edward City cross deflected off Volrat, wrong footing Klug to give Edward City an undeserved equaliser.

Things got worse in the 20th minute when Edward City (evidently buoyed with confidence after equalising) went ahead through a great [?] strike into the corner from the edge of the box. Somewhereistonia were now 2-1 down after having strong possession and the best chances of the game.

The lead didn't last long, with Taska making a great run and cross on 22', the Edward City keeper was flapping as Skormilonski headed strongly onto the bar, the ball was cleared well but fell to Paposki hitting a stunning volley into the top corner from 40 yards. This superb and surprising goal sent the Eagles fans into ecstasy and gave the team renewed confidence.

The Eagles continued to attack for much of the rest of the half with Taska teasing the defence with dangerous crosses on a regular basis, the keeper managed to keep his lines clear for the rest of the half making great saves from a close range shot from Kusnets as well as a great drive from Nolakk.

The second half saw much of the same brilliant attacking strength from the Eagles, with the team once again taking the lead in the 49th minute. The goal, quite predictably, came from the superb Taska who played a brilliant ball across the box, Kusnets then curled the ball fantastically around the keeper and into the far corner from an acute angle.

The Eagles then slowed the game, opting to keep possession in midfield and forcing Edward City to chase it, this opened space for Taska who was let loose by a great pass from Nolakk. Taska then darted forward, cut inside the centre-back and fired into the top corner on 65'.

A well deserved 4-2 lead looked like it would be enough to see the game out, but Edward City surprised again, with [?] latching onto a long ball before sliding the ball past the oncoming Klug on 78'. A poor goal to concede and allow Edward City back into the game. The team were beginning to look nervous and looked as though they might concede again, and potentially throw away their chance to qualify for the world cup.

That all changed in the 83rd minute when Kusnets completed his hat-trick to send his team forward. The move started with Keres, who played in Taska down the wing. Taska then cut the ball back to Skormilonski, who then unexpectedly tapped it aside for Kusnets to smash past the unsuspecting keeper. The game ended 5-3 and gave the Eagles 6 points, a win against Golgothastan would bring them closer to that much desired second place, whoever held it.


Somewhereistonia (2) 5–3 (2) Edward City
Kusnets [Keres] (6) Volrat (og) (12)
Paposki (22) ? (20)
Kusnets [Taska] (49) ? [?] (78)
Taska (65)
Kusnets [Skormilonski] (83)

Man of the match: Taska

Yellow cards: ? (44), Volrat (79)

“…es, on that note, I’m meeting with the advisory council on the microbiological safety of food later this afternoon.”

“Ahh, such an august assemblage of humanity as was ever amassed.”

“Yeah, thank you for that, Tate,” the Secretary of State for Climate & Energy replied icily, “I’m sure it’ll be a thrill. At any rate, if we make a great show of taking their recommendations on board, I’m sure people will put to one side the… sandwich… thing.”

“Mm. That was unfortunate,” President Morton winced. She readjusted her spectacles and peered at her minister. “Um, not that it’s my business to… run the country, or anything, but shouldn’t that be Mr McShefferty’s job? As Minister for Health, and all.”

“Ah, if I might?” Morton’s principal private secretary stuck her biro up. “His secretary phoned me, says he’s not coming in today as he’s got a tummy bug and doesn’t want to pass it around. Granted, there was a certain amount of giggling on the line, but…”

“Ye-es… We’ll put that down to the wonders of Candelariasian Telecom and say no more about it I think, Snezhana. Even so, Ruby, hasn’t he got a junior minister to…?”

“Oh, alright,” the Secretary of State for Climate & Energy moaned, slumping further into her swivelly chair and wobbling sullenly. “Pardon me for trying to find something to do. It’s just soo boring being Minister for Climate Change. I was out cleaning pigeons off the wind turbines last week, and that was, like, the highlight of my month.”

“Well, we’ll have to see what Papá Noel brings you in the cabinet reshuffle, Ruby. Who’s got Standards in Public Life at the moment?”

“That would be Nobby McShefferty,” Snezhana Wlakantchovski said cheerfully, glancing at her notes.

“Right, right… How do you fancy that then, Ruby? Isn’t that just the posing pouch of exciting briefs?”

“Guess it’s okay…”

“Brilliant! Right, moving on to Mark’s hosepipe ban… Ah, Carlos! Wonderful of you to join us!”

The Vice-President grinned sheepishly as he shut the Cabinet Office’s door behind him. “’Pologies… Bit of an early day motion, you know how it is…”

“Oh come on, I cracked that gag five days ago, and you’ve already nicked it!” the Secretary of State for National Security complained while his eyes followed Carlos Obiols’ towards the excessive array of windows at the far end of the room. “What?”

“Bit dark isn’t it? For half eleven in the morning?”

“Ah, Ruby! A mystery for the Climate minister to solve, I shouldn’t wonder!”

The minister rolled her eyes and trudged over to peer out of the only small window to have escaped privacy frosting.

“Good heavens…” she breathed.

“Well?” the cabinet chorused.

“It’s… Well, there’s no other way of putting it…”

“What?!” the cabinet shouted in unison.

“It’s an enormous knob!”

The cabinet shuffled awkwardly. Morton coughed. “Er… Are you sure?”

“Hell yeah! My God, it goes on for miles!”

The Secretary of State for Justice, and several minor female ministers, glanced hopefully towards the President. She relented. “Oh, go on, then.”

A number of chairs were hurriedly pulled back.

“Gosh… It’s an impressive sight, isn’t it?” the Secretary of State for Business & Finance whispered eventually.

“Majestic. In a grubby sort of way.”

“It’s fascinating, really. When you think about it. It’s like its got a mind of its own!”

“I’ll say… You wonder how it knows where it’s going, really.”

“Or how it gets off the ground, for that matter. My word…”

Tate Sayfritz gave in, and muscled through the cooing throng. “Come on then ladies, let the fox see the rabbit… Ah.” He retook his seat around the table. “Collective noun for waterfowl,” he said stoutly, shuffling his papers.

“That would be Terra Anatidae national football team then, and… travelling supporters, presumably, on their way to Sarzonia,” the Secretary of State for National Security commented dryly. “There’re trips to Logria and Krytenia to come, but with a bit of luck they won’t cause too much panic…”

“For what it’s worth, we inserted heavily back-dated articles on the phenomenon of mass mixed-species migrating flocks into the online archives of several respected scientific journals last week. If any of the proles care to investigate for themselves why the skies have gone black with half a million swans and other assorted anseriforms for themselves, they’ll find some nice easy answers…”

Morton nodded. Jenny Harris, the Minister for Remedial Teaching, was technically the most powerful person in the room and, though she didn’t say a lot these days, she was always worth listening to.

“I suppose if the worst comes to the worst, we could always use blindfolds again,” the Secretary of State for Immigration & Citizenship said brightly. “Or those natty little glasses.”

“Mr Fairfax, there are only so many solar eclipses we can fit into a calendar year, and will you please stop going on about the blindfolds! I know it’s a personal… concern, of yours, but really!”

“Sorry, Mrs President…”

“Right,” the President proclaimed, as the rest of the cabinet found their seats once more, “If we’ve got all the frivolity of normal government business out of the way…? Snezhana, if you’re care to halt with the minutes…?”

“Of course, ma’am. Er, d’you want me to leave out the bit about the birds as well?”

“If you’d be so good…”

“Arright, let me just find me tippex…”

“Um, just briefly, before we get into all the unpleasantness…?”

Morton glanced over at Opal Gorner, a timid Tory who had somehow wangled herself the Local Government brief. “Hm?”

“Uh, it’s just, I’ve got this letter from Hoxton Borough Council…”

She was interrupted by a groan from Carlos Obiols. “Oh, this isn’t about the recycling bins again, is it? Look, I know I shouldn’t mix glass with plastics, but it had been a long day, an’ I mean, it’s a grace and favour second home, for heaven’s sake! I’m there no more than three weekends a year, an–”

“Um, no. No. Well yes, actually, there was a rather grumpy post-it note about that stapled to the envelope, but… No, they’re gently requesting that the President might be a bit… um…”

“Um?”

“Nicer, uh, to her counterparts in Raynor City. Reopen a dialogue an’ that, despite the ‘Commonwealth’s odious human rights abuses’ of recent decades. I think it’s all part of their pally new relationship with thingy, er, Vienna…”

“Viella.”

“Aye, yeah. The Vanorian software giants? The one’s who’ve taken over Albrecht Turkish and have agreed to invest in the local community, and… Stuff. Should I tell them to…?”

“Thank them for their interest, Opal, and we’ll have someone sent down from the M.O.R.T. to box their ears for a bit. And I don’t know what you’re grinning about,” she added towards the woman immediately to her left, in what might just have been intended to represent a playful tone.

Strictly speaking, Natalie van Dijk and Eric White didn’t need to be there. Technically speaking, they weren’t – with both missing from the official minutes and, equally, with the Unionist Party leader apparently asleep, his jowls billowing softly to the tune of a faint nasal whistle – but, as much as she loathed them both with a passion, Morton knew that if this wasn’t the time for an unofficial grand coalition, then what was? Granted, they couldn’t tell that to the public – the bird flu situation in Gordon Bay City might be unpleasant, but it was hardly cause for a full-on national emergency, was it? – but their presence somehow seemed necessary.

The President was rearranging her pens in a manner that Van Dijk felt was distinctly threatening. Morton scratched her nose. “Isn’t Hoxton Borough Council an SD&GP administration, Natalie?”

“That it is, Robyn. We won it all of six months ago.”

“Perhaps you’d care to put a certain amount of pressure on them to stop poking their noses in matters of national importance?”

“Unfortunately Robbie, my party believes in devolving power to the lowest possible degree…”

“Well you’ve certainly been successful on that account, Nats.”

“Were it up to me, Roberta, I’d’ve stopped them from consorting with the pointies in the first place…”

“Yes, I’m aware you’re not a fan of the impending Turkish takeover… ‘All part of the government’s great plan to sell off Brand C&M piece by protesting piece’, I think your spokeswoman said…”

“She can be prone to hyperbole, I admit…”

“And for what it’s worth, it’s not pronounced ‘hyperbowl’…”

“Ladies! I believe we were on the verge of bringing up the Gordon Bay City matter…?”

Morton scowled in Sayfritz’s general direction, but nodded. “Yes, of course… Any real change in the situation since last we met then, Jenny?”

“No. No, they’re quiet. We believe there was a disturbance of sorts in the town centre a couple of days ago…”

“I thought we’d made it quite clear in our broadcasts over there that there was to be no human rebellion until we gave the word!”

“And barring the occasional incident by an individual or two not so in the know, they’re sticking to that. We really are an unnervingly well-behaved people,” Jenny sighed. “No, this involved fae… We think a small group of them set upon the jet carrying the ‘national’ football team back from their defeat in Milchama…”

“Any casualties?”

“We don’t think so. Mark Baker’s certainly in one piece.”

“I maintain we should be getting him out of there,” Sayfritz muttered. “It’d hardly help national morale if something awful happened to the old salt…”

“As far as the country’s concerned, Tate, he’s missing. Presumed dead. Again.”

“I was referring to other nation, Jenny. Whether we like it or not, he’s a symbol for humanity over there.”

“From what I’ve heard, he’s widely viewed as a collaborator…”

“He’s hardly going along willingly with all this though, is he?”

“I’ve no idea. Haven’t spoken to the man since we… kinda… left him there.”

“All the more reason to bring him home! Would a rescue operation in West Newmanistan be plausible?”

“I think we’ve got more to worry about than Operation: Airlifting Old Men, Tate,” Morton snapped. “What of their border guards, Jenny? Have they stepped up patrols in line with ours?”

“Yes. And some of them are armed this time. Peashooters, ultimately, and don’t ask me what that suggests the Queen’s immediate plans are because I haven’t got the faintest clue…”

“Alright Jenny, I get the picture. Same old, same old… Any other M.O.R.T. operations we should be kept aware of?”

“Er… Not as such. There was an alien abduction incident in –”

“North-east Marquez?”

“Ooh, impressive guesswork, Mrs President. We’ve brought in two yokels on imprisonment without consent, and’ll re-educate them sometime next week. We’ve sent her back to her home planet, by the way.”

“Jolly good. So…if that’ll be all, everyone?” Morton asked, surveying her cabinet. “Good. Meeting adjourned, then…”

***

“…ovely ball from Oliveira Tavares, good finish from Danny Adams although to be honest he could hardly miss from there, and that’s why the MarquezOW winger gets a first start today, in place of the rested Kortsarian.”

“Aye, but the team’s otherwise unchanged, despite suggestions that Amey and Spooner might lose their spots this afternoon even after scoring in Urna Electrônica, so just a quick run through for you… It’s Sbaïz once more in goal, a back four of Lopulalan – earning his forty-fifth senior cap today – Estévez, O’Brien and God’s Power Adekunde, a midfield of Cohen, Avola, Amey and Oliveira Tavares, and up front the very settled partnership now of Ibadulla and Spooner. We’ll give you the Rejistania team in a moment… or have a bloody good stab at it, anyway… but first the national anthems, an–”

“Quite the occasion, apparently.”

“Yes… They should win, of course, but…”

“Mm. You’re, um… You’re not expecting any weird, at all, to happen at the Solidarity this afternoon, then?”

“No. No, not especially…”

Jenny fiddled with the remote. She and the President were alone in the cabinet office now, the others having largely vacated Robinson Street altogether to settle down in front of the Rejistania game. Morton had utterly no interest in it, she told herself, and she knew Jenny Harris didn’t either but… She understood. Watching the game was normal. It was what the Harris family would do, together, in happier times. The President knew all about trying to recapture normality. Even if it was via her personal plasma screen…

The minister pressed a button at random, when the anthems began to grate a tad. It was football on the other channel, of course. It was inescapable. Morton frowned.

“Is that Richmond Park?!”

Jenny nodded. “Don’t worry, this is Nethertopian telly. No-one would dream of showing the GBC game here…”

“I should think not. God, and with flags and national anthems and handshakes and everything. Like proper people. Like a proper country… How many of them would you say there are…?”

“Eh?”

“Faeries. In the crowd. Against… the Islands of Qutar, if I know my flags of the worlds…”

“Four thousand, maybe? As long as we’re assuming they’re all fae there, of course. Although you’d be hard-pressed to find a brown human in GBC at the best of times, so…”

She sighed and turned away, wandering towards the windows. A few stragglers, mostly ducks, puffed their way over the capital. “Four thousand wielders of high magic,” she whispered. “In one town, in our country… When push comes to shove Robyn, how are we ever going to deal with that? Never… never mind the people trapped in that town, they might as well be dead…”

“Don’t say that, Jenny…”

“True though, isn’t it? They’re gone, the fae are just toying with them. But what about the rest of us?”

“Jenny…”

“This could really be the big ‘it’, couldn’t it?”

“Jen…”

“Maybe we should all just get out now, while we still can! I’ve already lost one child to these creatures! I’m damned if I’m going to lose anoth–”

“MRS HARRIS, FOR FUCK’S SAKE, SHUT UP! Come and look at the screen…”

The minister turned, and scowled. “What…?”

“The mascots, Jenny, look at the mascots…”

The camera panned across the row of small children standing proudly in front of the home side. Plainly they were faeries, one and all. But…

“That’s… him, isn’t it?” Morton said tightly.

“…”

“I mean, you’d know better than I, but… Isn’t that your Joshua?”

For a further moment, the minister stood still, staring at the screen. And then she was gone, tearing out of the cabinet office, storming past random secretaries as she pelted down flight after flight of stairs, sending cups of coffee flying and drawing tuts from civil servants.

Morton sighed, and calmly picked up the phone. “Snezhana? Hi… Uh, could you have Big Alfonso and Big Dave apprehend Ms Harris in about… twenty seconds, I should think. I don’t want her doing anything she might regret. Thanks.”

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Falcons prepare for vital match
Taeshan - The Nethertopian national football team is preparing for the most vital match in group 5 to date. The stats do not look favourable for the Falcons, who hold a 0-0-4 friendly result against the Purple Knights.
Coach Sjors Opdeheuvel, who's status within the NeFA is on the favourable side again since his three match winning streak, called the match "A deciding factor of the qualification stage." He continued on last night's' post-game conference with the following statement: "If we don't qualify for this World Cup I will resign from my position as manager. I have failed to make a good impression as a manager of the team this far and I'm pretty sure that Andrés is more than qualified to take over my job at the Cup of Harmony if we fail to qualify."

Rumour has it that the board of the Nethertopian Football Association has pushed Opdeheuvel in releasing the statement, to put more pressure on the team and himself. Opdeheuvel refused to answer any questions on that topic and no more further questions were allowed after the incident.

FC DePardenti takeover confirmed.
DePardenti - Samseong have successfully continued another takeover of a football club. This time it is Nethertopian WendellCorp Division 1 favourites FC DePardenti who's been added to the impressive list of clubs owned by the Han company, which include CMSC1 all-time record champions Albrecht FC and a sponsorship of the Newmanistani national team. Statements of Samseong have said that not much will change on short notice, but that the company have plans for the future of the team.

It seems that the takeover has affected the form of the team, who have failed to qualify for international competition. Which is quite odd and Abdoulayes Soro should be aware of the fact that the Han company doesn't like their low position in the competition.

Wendell takeover final
Onwere - Ricardo Wendell's takeover as owner of Marquez-Onwere has been finished. The young Nethertopian with Candelariasian mother has taken over the club from his recently deceased uncle Sam Wendell. The young man also got in possession of Sam Wendell's company, making him in possession of the wealthiest business corporation in Nethertopia. It is reported that the young entrepreneur has already bought several apartments in Nethertopia and Marquez, inclusive the penthouse on the Brianga Flat, the largest building of Nethertopia.

"Well our guys got their first win"

"Thank god, I think they might start to play up to standard now"

"Yeh, though Gordon Bay City ain't much of a standard"

"True, yet you have to say that Nathanson was finally starting to show the form he had at the end of the year for the Invaders."

"True he had two chances off the wood work and was really unlucky to have a legitimate penalty not called"

"Agreed but still we only won 1-0, that's troubling"

"It's ok, we have a savior right now"

"Nathanson is not our saviour!"

"Oh no, it's the other teams in our group, outside of Jeruselem they're all crap"

"Really?"

"Seriously, in second is Casiduaga or whoever with 6 points, as in 3 draws and 1 win"

"That's pretty bad"

"Yeh and in third place is this Gordon Bay team with 4 points"

"So one more win and we're on top"

"Assuming Cassawhatever continues to play at their current pace"

"That sounds like a plan"

"You know it would be nice if at one World Cup Qualifying we don't start out like crap and actually come out of the gate bursting with energy"

"I agree"

"But you can't change that now"

"Nope, I think we should still qualify"

"Yep, assuming we don't suck"

"Which is always a distinct possibility"

"Wow! For once there is nothing to argue about"

"What is this wow bs it's walla!"

"You know they translate this to English right?"

"Az mah atah omer, zeh loh shoneh, tzarich medaber b'ivrit le'olam"

"You know having Hebrew script would be really useful right now"

"What are you talking about?"

"Nevermind!"

"Ok but still don't use wow, use walla"

"Why?"

"Cultural identity"

"BS"

"Go Cubs"

"Come on you Warriors!"

"Walla Come on you Warriors!"

"Now that's just stupid"

"Yalla Lag Baomer!"

"And that's strange"

"Well it is Lag Baomer"

"True, but it doesn't mean we need to advertise"

"Let's build bonfires and shoot people with arrows"

"Yeh!"

"Come on you Warriors!"

Fortress O Ale Ale

Greetings to all those foreigners out there who are reading this. The Ko'omar Tribe is really doing well. They have two victories and a draw through 4 games. The key to their success by far has been a spectacular home form as they have two key victories scoring a 3-2 win over the zombies of Allemenschen and a 4-3 win over Carpathia and Ruthenia. Both the losers have complained about the lack of alcohol.

I think it's just grumbling, it really comes down to the play and comfortability of the players on the pitch. With the crowd geared up, spears ready and willing to beat the crap out of anybody it's really difficult to be an opponent. Not to mention the strikers seem to play mysteriously better. Much much better. It's incredible really, 7 goals at home and only 4 on the road.

One thing that is worrying is the state of the defense, it might have something to do with the Ko'omar tradition that on corner you can fist the ball out of the box, but they have been downright conceding tons of goals and most of them coming on, yep corner kicks. They just don't know how to head.

I, for one, think these issues can be worked out and this tribe could be very good. This, of course, assumes they are allowed to play again. The elders have been hostile to aeroplanes and the other technology as well as the reports from farming society. Though these have mostly been negative due to the players talking about the "luxuries" of tech life as stupid and decrying about the number of poor people in the streets.

The other good thing to report is that there have been no incidents of violence reported from the players, which is excellent. Though I bet this will change soon, but how soon no one knows.

That's it for now, thanks for reading.

"So, we're off to 'Stargate Centurion' next" Marra SunDaughter reminded the Belles. "They reached the second round in this cycle's Baptism of Fire, to be ranked somewhere around 70th or 80th overall which is about where we were ranked before we qualified for our first World Cup eight years ago; and they've just managed a draw against Dancougar, which isn't the easiest of teams to do well against, as most of us have reason to know; but they've lost all of their other games so far during this tournament...
You definitely should be able to beat them, but try not to get too over-confident: After all, the boardies were giving odds for a decisive victory over Silexhera, too...
We'll play Urra at 'Midfield Centre' rather than 'Defensive Centre' this time around, for a 2-3-5 formation."


_____________________________________________________________________________________

(Elsewhere, on that same day...)

The late afternoon sky was cloudless over Yuki City, the capital of Dancougar, but there was still to much daylight for anybody who might look up to see the stars beginning to appear in it. Suddenly there was a bright burst of multi-coloured light, at a point located quite close to the city's centre horizontally but several hundred feet up, and a number of dark shapes could briefly be spotted against this before it faded.
A few minutes later, a group of eight large Ravens descended from the sky, and flew through an open window into the foyer of the Foreign Ministry's building. They perched on the back of a settee there, and then one of them -- who was wearing a collar of interwoven gold chains around his neck -- surprised the locals present (who'd already startled by his group's arrival, of course) by addressing them in perfect English!

"Korrwarrth Herro, and party, from the nation of Bears Armed. Your minister is expecting us, although we were unable to be precise about exactly when this week we would arrive. Here" (He pulled a large envelope out from under one wing, although nobody would have noticed it there before this...) "are my credentials. Will one of you please notify him or her that we have arrived?"

MATCHDAY 5 SCORES (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14786747&postcount=7)

Purple Knights Continue Perfect Season

After five games the Purple Knights find themselves with fifteen points and a top spot in their qualifying efforts. Whats even more satisfying for the Knights players, and especially their defense and Goalie Tad Montague is the small fact that they have not conceded a single goal yet this season. Theirs a big goose egg in the goals against category right now for the Knights and many fans are really happy to see that possibly finally their defensive strangelhold is working. With yet another 1-0 victory the Knights sealed the first half. They have only scored 6 first half goals, but when you do not concede you only need a goal a game. Perfection, unbelievable.

The game was of course close. When you do not score that many you need to play great defense, and did the Knights ever. They had only 6 total shots on goal, added to their 30 alread this season. But it does not matter how many times that you get to shoot the ball if you cant get it in the net. The Nethertopian Falcons strikers must be hitting the goals as they try to find ways around the goalie, but as of yet noone has found a way past Tad Montague. Though they may need to work on their Defense as they did let a goal in when Brian Ying Uing scored his 111 career goal by sliding the ball right through a defenders opened feet and popping it over the diving goalies head in a highlight reel goal.

Golden-Whites keep up the pace

In the face of unparalleled tragedy in the team [relative to any other tragedy ever faced by the national football team, of course], the Golden-Whites pulled ahead to defeat Banten States—in their own house—zero goals to one. The Macabees continue to sit tight with Yafor at the top of the group tables, and they are now six points from the closest competitor for second.

It was not an easy game, especially as many players had Víeb Tahol's death at the forefront of their memory. It was obvious from the beginning that the Imperial team would not dominate the match, and in fact Banten Islands was able to create a great deal of opportunities which could have allowed the game to take a different direction. Fortunately for the Macabee team, this was not the case and they sit comfortably six points ahead of third, fourth and fifth place. Banten Islands, unfortunately, now sits alone in last place. Regardless, for the Imperials, qualification seems right around the corner. However, two very difficult match days are about to come. The Macabee National Football Team will travel to two different countries for the sixth and seventh match days of the qualification round. Their first game of the second half of qualification will be against the Yaforite squad, who had already defeated the Imperial team at the Fedala Imperial Stadium. The second game will be against Newmanistan; although the Imperials defeated Newmanistan in Fedala, Newmanistan is a very strong team capable of crushing the Golden-Whites if they played consistently. So, the path is obviously not as green as one would like to assume it is. That six point advantage could very quickly turn into a no point advantage.

The game against Banten States went as usual for two teams without any decisive advantage over each other. The home team was obviously ecstatic to win over a home crowd, especially as their qualification history up to today has not been too convincing. The home team was unfortunate not to have luck on their side, as none of their kicks on goal seemed to be able to get passed shining Macabee goalkeeper Lars Kíendar. But, the Golden-Whites were also able to startle the home team with several opportunities to score. As the first half came to an end, it seemed more and more likely that the game would either end as a draw, or the lucky team to score first would take the lead. In today's case, Fortune was on the Imperial squad's side. In the beginning of the second half, Joán Zeneti slammed the ball into the opponent's net from a distance of sixteen meters, catching their goalkeeper by surprise. On that point forward, the game fell into Macabee control. As the minutes ticked by, it seemed more and more likely that the second goal would soon in coming. But, it never came. The home team picked up activity as the game came to a close, but they could never decisively create opportunities to score. Ultimately, their time to equalize was up and they suffered one more defeat in the qualification round.

Statistically, the Macabee National Football Team is in second place. They share the same amount of points as the Yaforite team, thanks to Yafor's loss to Newmanistan on the third match day (one of the two games that team has won insofar). Yafor has advantage in goal difference, especially after today's dramatic 1–7 win over The McLaughlin Islands, who now seemed crush after two defeats at home to the "big two" (Yafor and The Macabees). Yafor has a goal difference of positive twelve, while The Macabees has one of positive seven—five goals. Nevertheless, what remains important is the six point gap between The Macabees and Newmanistan (and The McLaughlin Islands). Newmanistan was the group favorite for second place, and they were considered to be contestants for the pole position, as well. But, now they struggle to close the point canyon between them and the Golden-Whites. This struggle may come to an end, as Newmanistan has an opportunity to make up points as The Macabees travels to Yafor to play the first game of the second half of the qualification period, and then host The Macabees on their own field. Both games are likely to be highly contested, as the Golden-Whites realize that they have a lot to lose.

But, the team has a while to prepare for these two games. The qualification round is being put on hold to play the "mid-qualification friendlies". The Macabee team is playing two. The first is against Greal. Greal is currently fourth in their group; a single point behind second and third. Because of this last fact, their placement is extremely misleading. They are also only three points from leading the group, which is currently spearheaded by Septentrionia. Septentrionia lost today, to Bostopia. This latter team is who the Imperial team will be playing their second friendly against. As one can see, the team has its hands full with these two teams. However, it's likely that the reserves will be playing these two matches to gain experience, and that the two game time span will be taken advantage of to rest the usual starting eleven of the competitive matches. This will allow the nation's team to present itself as a fully healthy squad, prepared to defend their eligibility for promotion into the World Cup finals—the historic meaning of such an action is an immense motivating factor (this would be the first team to qualify for the World Cup finals).

The next two competitive matches will be of extreme interest. The team hopes to win both games, and ideally Newmanistan would lose both of their two next games. However, rank, experience and history is against the Macabee "football soldiers". This will be quite the experience, and any result will be an upset for at least one group of people.