NationStates Jolt Archive

Back in the present/past:

ROCKPORT WORLD NEWS, Channel 7

The CASCADE now has completely engulfed the western half of Qazox. It now stretches from New Bruxen in the north to Bruxen in the south. The cascade is still growing at a rate of about 500 ft an hour. Our sources tell us that at the current size, there is no chance that it can be imploded, and if it is not stopped within the next 48 hours, there will be no chance that it can be stopped. At the current rate, it will completely engulf Qazox within 7 days. As for this station, we will stay on air as long as it is possible, if only to ensure there is updates on the current situation. More as it happens.

<Skip ahead to sports>

A tough 2-0 loss to Errinundera, drops the Black Oxen into 2nd place, only 2 points ahead of Wentland and Kiryu-shi. Due to the Errinundera media blackout, we one again cannot give the name of the player, only the position forward. Up next is a trip to Wentland, who have become a major rival over the past few years. A win is needed, or else the team could be in 4th place.

And now back to the future/present:
YEAR 3421 Day 292
PLACE Confederation Base Alpha-5
TIME 1300 STANDARD

"Snake, Mouse, Spider? Let me Guess? The Atheistic Right is still around? Man you guys are like cockroaches, can't get rid of ya." Kyle exclaimed. "So how do we get out of here?"

"Firsssst, we need to get COBALT out of the lab." Snake said.

"I have no idea where it is, but I think I know someone who does." replied Kyle, as they ducked into the ventilation ducts.

They crawled for what seemed hours, but only took a couple of minutes, until they came to the Med Station. As they looked through the vents, a solitary figure in Quarantine lay on the table, and Kyle knew only one person it could be.

"What are you doing here? The station is under attack!" said La-Yo as Kyle walked to the door.

"I'm busting you out of here, beside, Az-czzers only steal if for honorable reasons right? We need PROJECT COBALT and you know where it is." kyle said, as he figured out how to open the door.

"Steal? Come on, Kyle, if I do that, the Confederation will hunt me down like a rat!" La-Yo exclaimed.

"HEY.. I resemble that remark!" said Mouse, who dropped down from the vent. "I got the door, can your friend help us or not?"

As La-Yo stood a blast from an Atheistic Right ship rocked the Med Station, and a blaring screech from the alarms sounded.

"I'll go with you, just get me out of here, that was a hull breech warning, there's only 60 seconds of Oxygen left in this section, and then it will be locked down." La-Yo said.

After a couple more seconds, Mouse had opened the door, and the 3 re-entered the ducts and began moving towards the Labs. Upon their arrival, both Spider and Snake were cutting a hole in the Lab door.

"Almossst got it, there. Now let'sss get in and out quickly" Snake said, as the 5 climbed through the hole. But the sound of a gun charging behind them stopped them in their tracks.

"I've had enough of this charade," said Spider, who was holding the only weapon. "I really feel sorry, but as a Confederation agent, I can't allow you to do this."

"You traitor! How much did they pay you? We'll double it!" said Mouse.

"They didn't pay me anything, they....<CRACK>..." Spider began to say, until his neck was snapped by a re-appearing Kyle.

"I hate traitors, and besides, my phasing abilties have finally re-charged." Kyle said wiping his hands on Spider's dead body. "I've got PROJECT COBALT, let's get out of here!"

Snake then spoke into his communicator and the 4 left in a twinkle of light, just before the guards appeared.

(OOC: damn that was long)

Wyld Stallyns
WORLD CUP 35 SHOW

Ted: I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan

Bill: And I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire

Together: And We're Wyld Stallyns!!

Ted: Another tough day out there for the Potheads as they lost again to Bettia 2-0.

Bill: Both Bettian goals were scored by: Jon Deverill in the 56th and 72nd minutes.

Ted: But somehow the team is only 3 points out of a possible playoff berth, so there's still time.

Bill: And now our special guest, Ghengis Khan!

Ghengis: %^&$, %^&* those refs, they %^&$'d three #$%^)(* offsides and gave out too many %^&* yellow to Sativaville.

Ted: We did warn you that the language would be crude.

Bill: What do you think of Sativaville chances against the next team, United Island Empires?

Ghengis: #$%^ UIE, we should #$%^ their mothers and then %^&* thier sheep and then @#$%^ the refs.

<Ghengis stands up and proceeds to beat up the stage manager off camera>

Ted: Ok, I think you had too much Red Bull there Ghengis.

Bill: I think we can beat them, with out doing what Ghengis recommended.

Ted: Well that's all for now, on our next show, RUFUS, the man with the plan!

Bill: So Be Excellent to each other Sativaville, Wyld Stallyns Out!

Jeruselem Government News

JGN Sports Survey Results released

JGN has been conducting a survey on sports in Jeruselem for the last four years and we've crunched the numbers now. Our team of statisticians have done their work and the results are out.


A. Top Sports Personality

*** A bit of non-brainer here with the usual suspects keeping their fans. Top chick is still Miss Nudity. ***
01. Dazza Dallas, Jeruselem World Cup coach and JGN reporter
02. Kylie Kool, top Jeruselem cyclist. Tour de Qazox 4 winner.
03. Dinkie Dosha, Jeruselem world cup striker and JGN reporter
04. Wayne Wastle, JGN sports presenter and reporter.
05. Monique Alexander, Jeruselem World cup captain and pr0n star
06. Hikfie Dallas, Jeruselem world Cup player and JGN weather girl
07. Debbie Dallas, Jeru FC coach and former WC/WWC player and coach
08. Nikki Seabourne, former DazMania host and current JGN cycling reporter
09. Big Gay Al, host of the "I'm Tinkie Winkie" show
10. Rachel Kool, retired but still popular although her fans now support her daughter


B. Top Sports

*** This does not change much ***
01. Football (soccer)
02. Cycling
03. Camel riding
04. Clay pigeon shooting
05. Hockey
06. Beach volleyball
07. Tennis

C. Top sports TV shows

*** DazMania is gone but people loved it ***
01. THE FOOTBALL LIFE
02. DazMania (now shut down)
03. Wayne's World (hosted by Wayne Wastle)
04. Man Sports (on Man TV)
05. Tour de Qazox coverage

D. Jeruselem's favourite foreign sporting nations

*** A new question for Jeruselemites, which is what is the fave foreign nation ***
01. Nedalia - It is favoured by Jeruselem arabs and Moslems
02. Ariddia - Frenchies like Dazza Dallas go there for fun and frivolity. A high rate of children get created there too.
03. Qazox - For some reason, people go there to see Ox!
04. Bettia - Rising up the table
05. Bostopia - We have no idea, maybe we should ask Kelly Firth.

E. Top moments in sport

*** The best moments remembered by Jeruselemites ***
01. The World Cup 32 final (we lost it but at least we made it)
02. Dazza Dallas sleeping with a football scout during World Cup 34
03. Kylie Kools wins the Tour de Qazox 4
04. Ricky Pointy Stick winning his first Tour de Qazox
05. Jeruselem's three Women's World Cups, especially the first one

F. Best ways to watch sports

*** It seems live is still best but 100" TVs are getting more popular these days ***
01. Live at the venue
02. On an 100" big screen TV
03. JGN webcasts and cable
04. On a mobile phone
05. Drunk with lots of people

There's more to the results than we have space here. Please check out http://www.jgn.net.jew/sportsurvey/

"Where for Darwin'sssss sssssake are we now?" exclaimed Snake who had taken on the lisp of his namesake.

Mouse pulled a device out that had a map on it and 4 blinking indicators showing where Snake, Mouse, Kyle and La-Yo.

"Right... we are not that far from the lines. We're gonna have to leg it and fast... security will be on our tails in a moment." Mouse said he started off in a direction taking a turn quickly.

"Well, he's heading towards the action." La-Yo said before following after him. Kyle and Snake followed assured that whatever would happen that Mouse actually did want to get back to this ships and away from this place.

As they ran, they had to play cat and mouse with the security personnel that were trying to chase them down. Luckily Mouse was an expert at this game and kept the group away from harm long enough to run through the rightist lines and into an awaiting shuttle.

As they left in the shuttle fighters came around and defended the shuttle from attack... for it was carrying vital equipment... Project COBALT, whether or not La-yo folllowed would be upto him, however as they left small pufts f explositions started to occur throughout the station. What spider didn't know was that Snake had left a number of innocious looking devices around the station however each on it's own wouldn't do much the total effect would be cause catasrophe causing many injured even rightists that where there but that was the price of a major battle like this the first real battle that they had won for quite some time.

But still winning a battle was a far cry from winning a war, a war that would most likely not for quite some time, if not for eternity.

Just before they arrived at the Space Carrier the ARSS Hive-class carrier, mouse turned to Kyle and slapped him across the face. "Never dis the coackroach again. He's the best person I know." and that was that.

Kyle was seperated from his rescuers as he and COBALT went to see the captain. From there he would arrive at one of the few conspicuously operating bases that Atheistic Right had. However the base ontop of the surface was only a sham base burried deep beneath the earth did the real science take place.

He was taken to the lab where a team of 5 scientists were awaiting they poured over the device looking to see how it worked, and asked Kyle whatever he knew. Eventually with what they found out they could easily repair it and they also had the perfect powersource.

With apologies to Samuel Beckett...


OOC: Absolutely brilliant! :D


IC:
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/green_wombat.png Green Wombat 0-2 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

Ariddians stamp on erstwhile main rival

It was yet another “we must absolutely win this” game. It was also a matter of pride. Ariddians were getting edgy about being beneath today’s opponent in the group ranking, and a victory would neatly reverse that order, bringing the Rouge-et-Noirs closer to their “natural” top spot.

Not surprisingly, coach Yves al Jahdali explained they had been training harder than ever before this tricky away match.

“We want this to be absolutely flawless,” he said.

There was fierce determination among the Rouge-et-Noirs as they performed the traditional ulek in front of a Green Wombat-dominated crowd.

Much was expected of Cassie Lee, and she delivered without the slightest slip-up. A difficult save in the thirty-ninth minute, on a shot by the Wombats’ Billie Mofield, left her confident for the second half of the match. By that point Ariddia was up with a 1-0 lead, thanks to Lucas Arbustier three minutes earlier.

The media had taken care to point out, in an amused sidenote, that Lee –grand-daughter of a foreign-born baroness– has just dropped from 127th to 128th place in the official line of succession to the Uhuh-Ropean throne.

“Yes, my grandmother’s brother’s cousin has just had a new grandson,” she explained, smiling. “Lovely baby; I’ve seen pictures. Now I’m starting to think I’m never going to get the throne in my lifetime,” she joked.

As for the match, the Rouge-et-Noirs dominated the second half, leaving fairly little doubt as to the outcome. Elmi Hamzah Guirreh scored his first ever goal in the red and black kit to make it a tidy 2-0 win.

“We’re now back up in second place, which means we still need to do better,” al Jahdali stated. “But we’re improving.”

In related news, Ariddians were intrigued to learn that many people in Jeruselem consider Ariddia a favourite destination for “fun and frivolity”, ranking above almost every other country.

A spokesman for the Secretariat of External Affairs has said this is good news, and should be publicised.

“There are many reasons to visit Ariddia. Fun is certainly one of them. We welcome all visitors from Jeruselem, and elsewhere.”

St Samuel (0) 0
Elves Security Forces (0) 0

No way through for either side

As far as goaless draws go, this one was somewhat an exciting battle. With St Samuel needing all the points they can get to even just get close to third place, and ESF needing the win in what is becoming a three horse race in the group, the game had all the passion and fight you would come to expect.

So far St Samuel have lacked the passion and fight that was seen in the last World Cup Qualifiers and with manager, Loui Della Penzzi losing the confidence of the fans, the Latin Crusaders needed to show there people that they still had fire in there bellies.

ESF began the game well and St Samuel were soon defending for there lives and some dogged defending, great goalkeeping and help from the cross bar, St Samuel did well to keep the ball out of there net.

ESF will be dissapointed that they failed to take there chances in the first half and a penalty miss just before half time will be looked back upon as there best chance of scoring.

With very few chances in the first half St Samuel came out fighting and for a brief 10 minute period it was ESF that were defending under the Latin Crusader's onslaught. But there was no way through and both goalkeepers were in superb form.

St Samuel's best chance came on the 75th minute when Batista, conecting perfectly from a Bezzi-Louaza cross, volleyed the ball hard towards the top corner, only to see the keeper somehow, unbelievably get a hand to the ball and palm it over the bar.

But towards the end it was ESF once more who were bombarding the St Samuel goal and a nail biting goal mouth scramble in the final seconds just saw St Samuel manage to keep the ball out of the net.

OOC: Absolutely brilliant! :DIndeed...not that I've ever seen the play. So with apologies to yourself as well as Tom Stoppard:

"Have any commentary for us?"

"Why do you insist on making me talk?"

"What should I be doing?"

"Don't you have a game to broadcast?"

"What's there to highlight?"

"Has anybody scored yet?"

"How far out of it are you?"

"Out of what?"

"The game."

"Ha! One-nothing."

"So it is, after that lovely goal from Olson."

"I wasn't talking about the match."

"What were you talking about?"

"Are we restarting already?"

"Restarting what?"

"How far out of it are you...oh, repetition. One-all."

"It is not. One-nothing as the players switch sides for halftime. A light wind here in Keyne Island, but it hasn't influenced the game. You do know we're on air?"

"Was that a question?"

"More of a rhetorical one."

"I restarted anyhow. Two-one."

"It's one-nothing."

"Why are you fixated on the match?"

"It's our job to announce it."

"Yes, but isn't it so...meaningless? In the long run?"

"Why are you getting so existentialistic?"

"Am I?"

"I think so."

"Three...oh, the score doesn't matter anymore."

"And a fantastic long-range shot from Maughum makes it two-nothing."

"I just said that the score doesn't matter anymore."

"You're mixing levels of reality, or at least conversation, I think."

"Oh."

"Don't get too existential."

"Sorry."

"You never know what Andrew might do."

"No. Do we know anything? Or are we insubstantial and irrelevant?"

"Um...I'm not quite sure."

"We don't know. Anything."

"We know the score."

"Of the real game?"

"Yes. 2-0, Zwangzug. And it seems in our philosophical pauses, the game has ended."

"We should go, then."

"Yes."

"Keyne Island is an island, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"How'd we get here?"

"I don't remember."

"Do we take a boat to get back?"

"Perhaps."

"I like boats."

"Actually, I think we take an extradimensional portal, now that I think of it."

"Really?"

"No. But it would explain our abnormal dialogue."

"Andrew won't like that, either."

"No."

"Why have I inexplicably been flattened?"

"I was following you out, and I caught up to you and accidentally knocked you down."

Charles clambered up. "Well, as they say...Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."

I can't believe my fellow citizens have been so blind. How can they be cheering to the rafters after the freak win over a poor Delesa? An own goal, a dodgy penalty/red card after I am SURE Newton dived and a late freak against the ten men means that Hacker is suddenly a godlike genius? Nonsense.

I do however have suspicions on the quality of the officials. A wholesale replacement of referees before this weekend's matches has resulted in a shocking number of offsides being given and the number of goals has consequently declined significantly. This can only play into Hacker's hands and cost Delesa dear, as they had two chalked off. OK, maybe the decisions were correct, but last week they would have been given.

So now the loathsome Hacker is the second coming and the glorious leader who will take us to the final and so on. Just don't expect me to be a part of it. -Winthrop Tuesday

Quoth the Pschycho, "RAWR! CRUSH!"

Squornshelous has officially woken from the stupor of mediocrity that has lain over the team through the first half of qualifying. We started off the second half by absolutely destroying our biggest threat rank-wise, although The Islands of Qutar haven't been living up to their rank lately. The Pschychoes more than doubled their total goals for, thrashing the Qutarans (?) by a score of 6-2. The changes in the Squornshelan attack worked out perfectly, as young players Roman Svoboda and Dmitri Polokov were eager to prove themselves and really excelled.

Squornshelous really came out strong, looking like a completely different team than the one that's been on the field for the past five matches. The Pschychoes controlled possession almost entirely, constantly probing at the Qutaran defense. This careful approach paid off when, in the 17th, the defense was overwhelmed by the sheer number of players forward, and Svoboda was left unmarked on the left wing. He received a perfect feed from Arman Latvala, dribbled a couple steps closer and fired for the low near corner. Ben Foster couldn't get low enough fast enough and the ball slid past him.

It was only 11 minutes later that the Pschychoes struck again. This time, Svoboda was not forgotten, but instead of trying to force a play, he sent a quick pass to Patrik Hermanni in the center. Hermanni was well marked by one of the tandem of Jeremy Stark and Richard Cruise for much of the match, but he had enough space to send a little drop ball back to Emil Jalmari, who was in some space and made it two nil with ease. Foster began what would be a long afternoon of scolding his defenders at this point, and to their credit, they managed to halt the Squornshelan momentum and get the ball upfield where their attack was able to control the ball more. However, the Squornshelan defensive alignment was able to bottle up their more potent players for much of the game. Krieg Kennedy especially was frustrated early in the second, as many of his runs ended up offsides, and Squornshelan defensive midfielders Pauli Aimo and Per Korov didn't allow him a lot of space to handle the ball.

Squornshelous began to pull away in earnest just before halftime. The relative inexperience of the Qutaran defense showed on this series of plays, with offensive masterminds Hermanni and Latvala, with a combined 28 years of international experience. They orchestrated a brilliant series of quick passes with the ball ending up in the back of the net off the head of Polokov on a short lob across the penalty area by Latvala. Foster was not able to move back across the net fast enough and Polokov buried it just inside the near post.

Coming out after the break, Qutar looked much better, obviously their manager had rewritten their strategy. Their defense was the best improvement. They seemed to anticipate the directions the Squornshelan attack would move much better and the holes that had been exploited in the first half were no longer there. From this improvement, they were able to get more useful balls forward, and the Squornshelan defense was much more heavily tried than earlier. Krieg Kennedy finally managed to get a good run down the wing, and sent a cross in that Stephen Kojak swept home on the far post. Quckly siezing on this shift in momentum, the Qutarans pressed the attack, and were rewarded soon after when Richard Cartwright found a gap between Njord Fridtjof and Gunnar Jonsson for a great shot that beat Jaska Wirmann top corner.

However, on their next attack, the Qutarans sent a corner kick too close to Wirmann that was punched out and taken by Pauli Aimo. Squornshelous quickly worked the ball up the field and Svoboda outpaced everyone, making a perfect run and coming in alone on Foster. He put a shot just out of Foster's reach to open up the lead to two again. Qutar never had a quality scoring chance again. Svoboda's goal really took the wind out of their sails, and the Squornshelan attack had the time to find new holes in their defense. Patrik Hermanni and Emil Jalmari each netted another goal for Squornshelous, bringing their totals to three apiece.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 6-2 The Islands of Qutar

Scoring Summary:
SQU: Svoboda 17'
SQU: Jalmari 28'
SQU: Polokov 43'
QUT: Kojak 54'
QUT: Cartwright 61'
SQU: Svoboda 66'
SQU: Hermanni 74'
SQU: Jalmari 81'

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Hermanni: 3
Jalmari: 3
Svoboda: 2
Latvala: 1
Polakov: 1

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
MD 1: The Islands of Qutar 0-0 Squornshelous
MD 2: Unknown Suburbia 0-0 Squornshelous
MD 3: Cravan 0-1 Squornshelous
MD 4: Squornshelous 1-2 Acapais
MD 5: Turori 1-2 Squornshelous
MD 6: Squornshelous 6-2 The Islands of Qutar
MD 7: Squornshelous vs. Unknown Suburbia
MD 8: Squornshelous vs. Cravan
Friendly: Squornshelous vs. Az-cz
MD 9: Acapais vs. Squornshelous
MD 10: Squornshelous vs. Turori

“Hello everyone and welcome to the second half of Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s ongoing coverage of the World Cup 35 qualifiers. I’m your co-host Troy Wallace along with Dinah Miller. Today Tynelia avenged their only loss of the qualifiers to date in a big way. After losing 2-1 to Kristovenia on opening day, Tynelia made sure there was no repeat with a convincing 5-1 trouncing of Kristovenia at the Ice Bowl Today. Coupled with Arridia’s victory over the Green Wombat, Tynelia finds itself at the top of the group leading Arridia by one and the Wombats by 3 as the second half begins.”

“This was a nice way to bounce back at home Troy. A hat trick today by Tina Conroy and a single goal apiece for Jay Masterson Jr. and Lance Cadeon and Tynelia’s almost doubling their total goals in the first half in one match. The big surprise was Connor MacDougal not being able to score today when everything was going in.”

“Yes Connor is probably upset about that one. I’m sure he’ll bounce back though before the qualifiers end. Still this is a much better start this time around, finally the team gets some a good goal differential match as we traditionally find ourselves on the short end of those.”

“Mandy Martin got her revenge today as well, the lone goal she allowed was midway in the second half with Tynelia already up a commanding 4-0 at the time so a slight lapse at that point is understandable.”

“This just goes to show how important home field is Dinah. A loss on their turf and a crushing win at ours. With all but one of our matches being at home the rest of the way I like our chances the rest of the way, especially being in first place meaning everyone else is at our mercy in terms of results. We control our own destiny now.”

“It does look like our match with the Wombats, our lone road match this half, will probably determine which one of us moves along. It would take a major losing streak for us now to get Kristovenia or CH JSY in range to knock us off now. But Arridia looks like they are back on form as well avenging their draw with a 2-0 win over the Wombats themselves.”

“Well Dinah , hopefully by the time we face them to end the qualifiers we’ll have already clinched our spot in the Cup so that result won’t matter much.”

“That means we will probably have to win these next three then Troy. And Jaredcohenia is up next. They played us tough last time in their stadium but we escaped with the 1-0 win. Given what happned in our first rematch of these qualifiers how do you think Tynelia will do the second time around Troy?”

“If they play anything like they did today troy I don’t think there will be any trouble for us. However, this could be a trap match for the team, if they look at the standings and see Jaredcohenia sitting last with only 1 point. Of course Arridia thought the same thing and ended up only getting a draw.”

“That is why I think it won’t be a trap Troy. You know Coach Masterson will bring that up every chance he gets this week leading up to this match. I expect the team will be ready to put another good showing in front of the Tynelian towel waving crowd.”

“So you’re calling it a win Dinah?”

“Yes Troy I am 3-0 Tynelia.”

“I don’t know if it will be that wide open Dinah. I think we’re going to have a bit of a letdown but I can’t see Jaredcohenia coming in and completing the upset. Tynelia 2-1.”

“You’re being a cynic Troy, but given what happened to the team when you were playing I suppose you’re entitled to expecting the worst.”

“Hey we weren’t THAT bad you know. We always lived up to our seeding…and not much more. But look at that we’re out of time for today. Tune in next week for Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s continuing coverage of the World Cup 35 qualifiers. I’m Troy Wallace for Dinah Miller and the crew here at the TSW studios have a good night everyone.”

The Jariss team happily runs into the lockerroom after completing their 2-0 win over Jeru FC. The win was seen as bigger than normal as both their stars Tali Vindu and Minna Dawo were on the bench recovering from their injuries suffered in the Turruth Gordor match meaning that it was backup keeper Aru Treni, who had a horrible Baptism of Frost providing the shutout and backup forward Konu Zaryi providing the offense.

Fya Panai: <dancing> we’re awesome…oh yeah…we awesome… oh yeah!

Goru Lyani: <mocking> Your singing…so bad!

Fya: Quiet you! Don’t you have a date you’re ignoring?

Goru: She’s not my girlfriend dummy. How many times do I have to tell you!

Leni Banama: Can we get through one match without you two going at it? You sound like my kids. Good thing the law makes us stop at two, I don’t think I could handle three how about you honey?

Gia Banama: Well if they all take after their father certainly not.

Leni: Hey half your genes are in those kids too you know.

Gia: Yes that’s when they’re being good. <smiles sweetly at her husband who walks off muttering>

Tali Vindu: You should start next match Aru, I couldn’t shut Jeru FC out and Geisenfried killed us last time.

Aru: Why are you still hurt?

Tali: No I’m fine you’re just better that’s all.

Aru: That’s only because I got to watch film of the first match. You’re our keeper Tali.

Minna: Hey I gotta get back on the field. Konu’s gonna catch my scoring total if he keeps this up.

Coach Maru Hiniru: Great macth everyone, see I told you that first draw was a fluke. Great work stepping up subs, you showed everyone back home why you’re on this team. And now we have to get ready to head home and get some payback against Geisenfried.

Andre Miware: So what are we going to do this time, they killed us last time Coach.

Coach Maru: Ah Andre, but that time was the first time we ever faced a hostile crowd and a huge crowd on the road. Ask Commerce Heights how well we adapted to that.

<team breaks out in grins and smiles>

Coach Maru: This time they’re coming home. We flustered Fort Europe when they came into what they thought was a tiny stadium and now its Geisenfried’s turn. You know it would be a great treat for the home crowd to get our first home win against a team of this quality.

Minna: They’re not shutting me down this time Coach!

Coach Maru: Well I’m going to make it a bit easier for you Minna, Konu you’re going to be starting at forward next match….

Minna: <in shock> but...but…

Coach Maru: alongside Minna. That’s right we’re going with two forwards for this one. Tranae you’ll be sitting this one out to start. It’s time I gave you a rest anyway. So we’ll be going with a 5-3-2 this time. Defense, that means even more will be on your shoulders but I know you can handle it. Our problem last time was they just kept Minna shadowed and we didn’t have anyone else to push the play in their end. Now we will.

Konu: Guess I’m going to have to outscore you this match too then Minna if I want to catch you.

Minna: Don’t even think you’re gonna beat me. You score 1 and I’ll score 2!

Coach Maru: <dryly> well then Konu I expect you to score two then, that way we’ll put up a five spot on them. They won’t score five on us that’s for sure. We took our beating now we’re going to show them what we learned since then right team?

Team: You bet coach!

Coach Maru: OK then hit the showers. We’re in third place right now with Commerce Heights breathing down our necks. Getting points here will be big, we want to be in range when we go face Turruth Gordor. We want to beat them and knock them out of the cup. But first we have to beat Geisenfried. And are we going to do it?

Team: Hell yeah!

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/FAWA%20Logo.jpg
Iji Muhammad Back With A Vengeance As Sorkh-o-siahe Win

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/WAF-Pat%201.bmp
Iji Muhammad's dominating performance the entire match was rewarded by a 39th minute goal

After spending nearly 6 months out of action for both the national team and his beloved club side Ghavvasa with a left arm broken in four places, Iji Muhammad returned to action with the Western Afghanistan national team and scored the match's only goal. Iji Muhammad's dominating performance on the left wing for the entire match motivated fans to give him a standing ovation at the Q'an.

Among those fans present was fan representative Ali Nuluqe, who had opted to wear a cast the likes of which Iji Muhammad wore today.

"This thing is real. I was so excited, I went outside, climbed up on the roof of my house, and jumped off. I broke my arm in 8 places; TWICE as many as Iji Muhammad. That's how hardcore a Mummy I am!

"Anyway, it was great to see him back on the pitch. What a superb player. I don't know if we'll be able to put results like that past the rest of our group, but I sure am leaving the stadium happy today! Except for the severe pain I'm in, of course."

Mr. Nuluqe then popped a few Ibuprofin tablets and ran away, as he has developed a severe fear of being recaptured by Az-cz intelligence officers.

The result of the match happily overrode the international controversy regarding Darius Jackson's Wind Kings TV talk show, Half-Assed Jackson. Jackson's recent stunts have included the introduction of stereotypical Hispanic and Caucasian characters, as well as today's episode, which featured a weather forecast by an actually mentally handicapped person. This episode was only aired on pay-per-view television in Herat.

A statement was released by the Office of the Prime Minister:

"We regret to inform the international public that we have no ability to reign Darius Jackson in. By West Afghan law, we have the right to check editorial and news content from Wind Kings for factual errors, but we have no control over Wind Kings' entertainment programming. A variety show such as Half-Assed Jackson is beyond our juristiction. Sorry about that."

The press liaison then turned on the tele and laughed at Jackson's show.

THE MATCH

With Patusan reeling from four straight losses in the miserably difficult Group 2, the Darts possessed no better morale than did the Sorkh-o-siahe. And from opening to closing whistle, it was apparent that the home environment of the packed Q'an Coliseum was tipping the match in Western Afghanistan's favour. In addition to having unmatched control of the midfield, the Sorkh-o-siahe boasted a sublime performance by now-apparent starter Ali Muhammad in goal. Making five excellent saves, including one on a second-half breakaway by Hardi Bujang, Muhammad finally exhibited the talent that brought him to the national team.

9th minute: With Western Afghanistan winning its first corner of the match, Khuhekhezal Muhammad threw all of his men into the box, intent on snatching an early goal. However, Zuled Muhammad's free kick left something to be desired, as it seemed to be drifting towards to the far post. Patusan defender Mohamad Safari Wahit looked ready to clear the ball when Assef Rushufi charged in to try and head the ball back in front of the goal mouth. The airborne Rushufi made heavy contact with M.S. Wahit, and as they both fell to the ground Rushufi's right foot fell onto Wahit's right instep. In clear pain, Wahit was immediately substituted. Though the Patusan team was angry that no card was shown to Rushufi, Alisdair I Frosticus referee Michael Lascaro blew only for a free kick.

20th minute: When Nefe Huzish found a slot in the Darts' defence and played the ball through to a racing Amir Ena, it was clear that there would be no catching up to the Nine Columns teenager. Safari Wahit's substitute, Amzar Muaz Tamit, was the closest man to the scene and slid in to stop Ena immediately. The slide was clearly from behind, and Ena was slow to get up, so Lascaro flashed yellow number one of the match.

39th minute: Following a slick series of quick passes around the midfield, Western Afghanistan could find no holes in the Patusan defence. Iji Muhammad played the ball back to Inu, who immediately slugged a long ball downfield to Rushufi. The Afghan Premier League scoring leader was clearly impeded on his way down to the ball, and so Western Afghanistan won a free kick close to the left touchline. With Ali Qer whipping in a wicked right-footed inswinger, Muaz Tamit had to try to head the ball out. However, his clearance bounced right back, off the head of teammate Christopher Ambon, and the ball was loose 8 yards directly out of the goal mouth. Iji Muhammad charged in with lightning quick speed and toe-poked the ball into the upper left corner. One nil Western Afghanistan.

Half-time saw Patusan looking all the more lackidaisical. Several defensive substitutions allowed Western Afghanistan's typically attacking squad to drop back and defend, and Patusan seemed to have no solution to this.

78th minute: With Ali Qer and Shahbri Jalil jostling for a loose ball rolling towards Patusan's right corner flag, the Sagaye right mid managed to use his pace to get past Jalil. Jalil was not about to give in, however, and grabbed Qer's shirt, pulling the latter to the ground. Though the foul was in the eyes of many quite a minor one, Lascaro's assistant clearly saw the shirt tug, and Jalil made no complaints when he was booked.

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/WAF-Pat%202.bmp
Jalil was very sportsman like, and even went to make sure Qer had not been seriously hurt

92nd minute: Two minutes into stoppage time the match was clearly over. However, when a lengthy ball rolled out past the left touchline, substitute Assef Zushe let the ball roll quite a ways down the pitch. When he finally did bend over to pick it up, he noticed a cheering fan in the stands with a massive cast on his left arm. Zushe slowly sauntered over to the fan and tossed him the ball. Though this act of kindness was appreciated by the fans, it was time-wasting to Lascaro and Zushe received a severe reprimanding and a yellow card. Western Afghanistan's cards are now beginning to build up, as nearly every player currently in the starting lineup is carrying at least one, with Qer and Inu at two.

Western Afghanistan 1-0 Patusan

Venue: Q'an Coliseum (Herat, Western Afghanistan)
Attendance: 70,000
Referee: Michael Lascaro (Alisdair I Frosticus)
MOTM: A. Muhammad (Western Afghanistan)

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/Western%20Afghanistan%20BoF.bmpWestern Afghanistan: A. Muhammad; Inu, Ruburirin, and Zuneh; Qer, M.Z. Muhammad (Rushenaqud '62), Huzish, Nukhadufil (Nakhar '52), and I. Muhammad; Ena (Zushe '81) and Rushufi

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/Patusan.bmpPatusan: Noor; Ambon, M.S. Wahit (Muaz Tamit '10), Damit, and Jalil; Tuah, Lupat (Salleh '60), M. Bujang, and Saleh; R. Wahit and H. Bujang

Goals:
Western Afghanistan: I. Muhamamd '39
Patusan: none

Next Match:
Fmjphoenix - Western Afghanistan
Lineup: A. Muhammad; Inu, Ruburirin, and Zuneh; Qer, M.Z. Muhammad, Huzish, Nukhadufil, and I. Muhammad; Ena and Rushufi
Referee: Ian Hal Michaels (Qazox)

Khuhekhezal Muhammad, speaking with the press after the Patusan win, discussed the upcoming match with Fmjphoenix.

"We got beat by this club at home last time around. I don't know what we'll be able to pull off, but I'll tell you what, after this performance we are going to have a couple guys playing with a huge boost of confidence and a full head of steam. I'm keeping the lineup the same. Let's see what we can do this time.

Debbie Dallas answers her mobile phone

Voice: Hello Auntie!
Debbie: That you Kate Dallas?
Voice: Yes, it's the Little Bike.
Debbie: How is Mum?

Voice: She's sleeping a lot.
Debbie: Yes, she spends a lot of time sleeping - with or without someone else.
Voice: How are you?
Debbie: I could be better. My football team sucks but Jeru FC wasn't expected to do well anyway. How is school Kate?

Voice: Good, the Crown Prince is going visit soon.
Debbie: That's nice, why is he visiting then?
Voice: He's looking for a girlie.
Debbie: So are you going to try to get some attention, well like your mother does?

Voice: Yeah! I want to be Princess.
Debbie: You're keen to get married.
Voice: I've got good teaching from Mum, I know what's it's all about.
Debbie: I'm sure Mum is leading you astray as normal.

Voice: * Giggles *
Debbie: Yes, you sound just like your mother too.
Voice: How is the Jeru FC team?
Debbie: Well, they try hard but they aren't talented. They aren't playing badly but they aren't World Cup standard either.

Voice: I'm sure they'll get better.
Debbie: Maybe next cup. At the moment, we'll be lucky to win anything.
Voice: Mum wants to talk to you.
Dazza: Hey sis!

Debbie: So how is Miss Ariddia?
Dazza: Good good, getting lots of sleep!
Debbie: So you got a new house in Ariddia?
Dazza: Yeah, the Dallas holiday house. Going there after the World Cup 35 to fix it up.

Debbie: I'm not very Frenchie you know.
Dazza: Come on sis, Ariddia is great place to holiday. You can stay at my place.
Debbie: Too many kids at home to holiday.
Dazza: Your kids will love Ariddia. What about a trip to Qazox instead?

Debbie: I don't like Ox.
Dazza: Ox is alright as long as you don't touch them.
Debbie: I know
Dazza: (yawns) I have to get dinner ready.

Debbie: I'd better getting going too.
Dazza: See ya sis.

World Cup Qualifying – MD4

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais : Turori http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turori.png
1:1 (1:1)


Match Report:

Paktu Park, Schulenburg, Acapais – Acapais’s unbeaten streak continues after last night’s 1-1 draw at home against Turori on Matchday Six of the World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 35. Acapais and Turori have had a mild history together with Acapais finishing 1-2-1 overall. The Turori victory came during the Third Place match during Cup of Harmony 26.

Two early goals in the first half proved all that was necessary to separate two nations trying to get a few extra points to seal the deal of qualification. For Acapais, the draw give them enough of a boost to where if Acapais gets three points from their fixture against The Islands of Qutar, then they will be guaranteed at least a playoff spot. 9 minutes into the match the Turori left forward laid it off the right side for an easy put in. The Salvador Salazar goal just three minutes after the Turori goal was deflected by the defender and away from the keeper, but Salazar got the credit. The remainder of the game proved that their desire to advance to the World Cup proper was not what it should be for nations of their caliber.

The draw keeps Acapais in first place in group 8 just five points ahead of Squornshelous. Acapais will visit The Islands of Qutar on MD7. The new Manager for Acapais, Yomi Elixer, is undefeated after six games.

Scoring:
Turori – ??? 9
Acapais – Salazar (Van Savage) 12

Booking:
Acapais – Davis (Caution; reckless foul) 42

Acapais Starting Lineup:
22 - Edward LeGrand (GK)
2 - Shane Murphy (C)
3 - Nick McKellar
13 - Jeremy Davis
10 - Shaurabh Nandy
15 - Graham Atwater (3 - Nick McKellar) 75
5 - Salvador Salazar
7 - Dom'onic Duke (16 - James Fronberry) 71
8 - Alex McKellar (4 - Craig Robicheaux) 62
9 - Oscer Van Savage
11 - Ricardo Jose

Next Match:

@ The Islands of Qutar http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_islands_of_qutar.png

Acapais Goal Scorers:
4 – Oscar Van Savage
3 – Ricardo Jose
2 – Atwater
2 – Salazar
1 – Duke

Acapais Assists:
4 – Van Savage
2 – Salazar
1 – Jose
1 – Alex McKellar
1 – Murphy
1 – Robicheaux

Acapais Yellow Cards:
2 – Davis
1 – McKellar
1 – Nandy
1 – Murphy
1 – Salazar
1 – Duke
1 – Van Savage

Acapais Red Cards:
1 – Nandy


-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12690192&postcount=17)

Mikaela Eyre is standing next to Assegai Manager Zacharius, who wears a stern expression. It is a stark contrast to the gorgeous red-headed Mikaela, who puckers her lips a bit before the signal goes on the air.

“Good evening, Assegai Developments. The Riskbreakers have battled to the top of Group 11, scraping for every goal and defensive battle along the way. Although the team isn’t scoring goals at the constant clip of previous Assegai squads, their defense has been sharp during the qualifiers and has been the defining factor in their success. A lot of Assegai footballing pundits point to the emphasis on grass roots tactics and a return to the basics that team manager Zacharius has been espousing,” she says.

She turns to Zacharius. “The team is in a great position to qualify for the Proper, but up next, you have the rematches with The Holy Empire and the monks of The Archregimancy,” she says.

“Yeah, it’s going to be very tough. Even playing at home, it would be foolish to guarantee victory against such strong opponents,” he says. “That doesn’t mean we won’t hit the pitch thinking we can’t defeat them.”

“How is your team handling all this pressure?” she asks.

“For the most part, well, I must say. Some of them saw horrible things during our visit to Estresse Intenso, and that helped them put things in perspective, so they stay calm,” he says.

“Do you think The Holy Empire will field an egg against Assegai in this upcoming match?” she asks.

“Nothing surprises me at this point,” he says. “We’ve faced off against eggs, barnyard and jungle animals, pious monks and some other strange characters.”

“Have you been following the other teams’ progress in the Young World region?” she asks.

“Well, I keep in touch with my son, Kiso, and, from what I understand, Elves Security Forces is heading toward another spot in the Proper. Turruth Gordur and Fort Europe traded wins against each other, but Turruth Gordur seems to finally be living up to expectations, while Fort Europe has declined.”

Samantha Neesa, drenched in sweat and panting, runs up to Mikaela and Zacharius.

“Coach, I just finished running the 10 miles you requested, can I hit the showers yet?” she asks Zacharius.

“Yeah, you had a good practice, Neesa,” he says. “By the way, Kiso wanted me to ask you to call him…when you have some free time, of course.”

Neesa blushes a bit. “Sure, coach…I’ll call him up.”

Mikaela smiles at Neesa, who returns a sheepish grin. Neesa scampers off and Mikaela turns back to Zacharius.

“Well, coach, that’s all for now. Thanks for your time,” she says.

“Cheers, Mikaela. See you after the match,” says the elf as he walks away.

“That is all for now from Leá Monde. This is Mikaela Eyre signing off!”

[31] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

VS
[9] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/alasdair_i_frosticus.png Alasdair I Frosticus

Venue: Cathedral Park (Capacity: 75,000) | Leá Monde, Assegai

The Daily Quak
Bostopia Beaten

The Quakmybush National Soccer team continued their World Cup 35 Qualifying run. They were taking on Bostopia, who defeated them 2-0 in the first match of these qualifiers. The Sharks got off to a quick start when Jon Fields came down the wing and fired a shot. The shot hit the post, however, the rebound came out to Chris Bricking who put the ball in the net. The score was 1-0 Quakmybush going into the half. Bostopia equalized quickly when Aleksander Cripps broke in alone and found the back of the net. Making it a 1-1 game. Five minutes after Cripps scored, he came in on a break away, but was robbed by Cam Carroll. Carroll picked up the ball then booted it down the field to a wide open Cory Sorley, who ran in all alone, and made no mistake, banking it in off the the post making it 2-1 Quakmybush. The game ended like that.


Quakmybush 2
Bricking 13' Sorley 78'

Bostopia 1
Cripps 73'

Viewers tuning in across Bostopia and the world were shocked to see Jamie Parriff presenting the 6 O'clock news in Bostopia, but there was good reason, one soon to be explained.

[Parriff] I'm Jamie Parriff, and this is Channel 9 Griffwitness News Bostopia at 6PM. Our top story tonight;

Kelly Firth has been named as Bostopia manager in a shock move by the Football Association, following the death of Brian Marne.

This caused the tendering of resignations from many senior members of the FA, in protest that a woman should be manager. However, Kelly, looking shocked in her news conference, managed to tell waiting journalists that she was looking to bring the wing-back system back into the Bostopian game, stating that there were those in the Bostopian starting eleven who could easily play in this position. This pleased many senior members, who attempted to rejoin, but these applications were blocked by the Emperor, stating that sexism was not something Bostopia was not built on, and he would not allow his FA to be corrupted in this way.

Our next story, Laquari insurgents nearly claimed another Bostopian life today in an attack on our soldiers. This has increased protests, with more Laquari businesses in Bostopia attacked, though some Sel Appan businesses have mistakenly been attacked. Some to the left of the political spectrum have stated that the Bostopian Government at its very highest level is backing this policy, and planning systematic genocide of Laquaris, though this has been denied. The Isles Parliament today renewed a measure banning all parties except the Royal Family’s Imperial Party, the governing Bostopian National Party and the opposition National Party of Bostopia. This was backed with full agreement from both sides of the house, and will stand for an unprecedented one hundred year period.

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

THE FIX IS IN!!!!
Dreamed Realm Teams Conspire to Tawdry 2-2 Draw

By Anna Comneno

In what is perhaps the sorriest episode in the long and storied footballing histories of both nations, the Holy Empire and the Archregimancy played to a tawdry 2-2 draw in the Imperial Hippodrome in a match fixed so as to leave both teams with the best possible chance of qualifying.

Observers from other group teams, particularly Assegai Developments and Estresse Intenso were said to be 'sickened' by the display, as the two teams in the match allowed each other to score 2 goals each in the first 5 minutes before sitting down to enjoy a refreshing picnic in the centre circle. Baffled New Montrealer referee Francois Duvalier repeatedly attempted to force both teams to actually play a football match, only to be forced to concede that since neither team was breaking the laws of the game, he had no recourse to legal sanction.

The question remains as to whether the other teams in the group will appeal to the World Cup authorities over the result and force a rematch, but both HEFA and the MFA have noted that nowhere in the rules does it say that the players must run after the football and kick it, and that they are perfectly free to ignore the football if they so choose, though officials from both federations have admitted that having the players actually share a picnic was possibly 'unprecedented', as was cooking the Imperial goalkeeper as an omelette during the match.

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 35 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

VICTORY MANTAINS ALFREDO IN THE JOB

http://img514.imageshack.us/img514/2028/swi2us2.jpg
Players commemorate victory after the end of the game

The CCFM said, hours before the game, that Alfredo would lost his job with a loss or a draw. So, this game was very important for Cafundéu’s coach. The coach was clearly worried with the situation, and desperated when the team was losing the game. But the team fought for the result and was able to save the job of the coach, who will stay.

This game was very important to keep the team’s hopes of qualifying. With the victory, the team goes to the third position, winning a playoff spot, and is now only three points away from Fmjphoenix. So the Monopolists still have a good chance to get a place in the World Cup, although will have to face many difficult opponents in their path.

The next game will probably the most difficult of the team. Playing away against the leader of the group, the Robbers of Az-Cz, victory seems distant. But is necessary, as a loss would put Cafundéu back in the fourth place, and away from the automatic spot. So, Az-Cz must be ready to face a determined team, which is giving all its efforts to get the necessary points.

THE GAME

Today, Swilatia was with a different strategy than the one of matchday one. The team was hoping to score on the counterattacks, and defended much. Cafundéu was very offensive, hoping to score a goal soon, but the players were very nervous. The first chance came with Falcus, who shot from outside the area. The goalkeeper made a great save. Minutes after, Wak got injured and was replaced by Nitsolski.

Cafundéu continued attacking, but didn’t notice that the attacks weren’t so good. Only in a free kick taken by Anormal that the hosts were dangerous, but the ball hit the post at that time. Swilatia won terrain, and its counterattacks were fast and dangerous. But Alfredo only noticed that when Tales lost the ball in the attack. Szymański started the counterattack, the ball reached an attacker, who dribbled Júnior and shot the ball to the open goal. The supporters couldn’t believe that the team was losing. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Tales has a good chance to shoot... oh, no, Szymański gets the ball, goes to the midfield, a good long rrrrranged pass to the attack. The attacker has a frrrrree path, invades the arrrrrea, drrrrribbles Júnior, shoots... and it’s a goal. Goal for Swilatia! Swilatia one, Cafundéu zero! Got a flu? Don’t know what to do? Simple, buy SaiGripe, the best anti-flu medicine of Cafundéu!”

Cafundéu had to attack even more, but this time Alfredo ordered Barbosa to cover the defense. Now, Falcus and Heitor organized the attacks, which were much more efficient. The team had a great chance with Becão, heading the ball after a corner kick. But the goal only came with Renário. Falcus passed the ball to Anormal, who sent it to the area. Renário received it, dribbled Tiskane and shot with strength to score the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Barrrrrbosa passes the ball to the midfielder Carrrrrlos Falcus. Therrrrre arrrrre many playerrrrrs waiting. He passes the ball to Anorrrrrmal, the giant crrrrrosses it to the arrrrrea. Grrrrreat, Rrrrrrrenário is inside the arrrrrea... drrrrribbles an opponent, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Let’s see the replay! Rrrrrrrrrrenário, number nine! Cafundéu one, Swilatia one!”

http://img381.imageshack.us/img381/2828/swi1dw5.jpg
Anormal had a good chance from a free kick

For the second half, Alfredo Neves decided to make the team even more offensive, putting the promising Flecha in Alemão’s place. Swilatia reinforced the defense with Jankowska, but wasn’t so defensive like in the beginning of the game. When the second half started, the teams battled for the ball in the midfield. But after few minutes, Anormal passed the ball to Heitor in the right wing. The ball hit the referee’s legs and went to Tales, who dribbled an opponent and shot to score the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Kirrrrrs defended well, and now the ball goes to Anorrrrrmal, who will starrrrrt another attack. He sees Heitor asking for the ball, passes it to him... it hits Frasburg’s legs! The ball goes to Tales, the attacker faces the opponent... drrrrribbles him, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Replay, come to me! Tales, number seven! Cafundéu two, Swilatia one!”

It was very good for Cafundéu to react, but the game was far from over. The team didn’t have time to commemorate the second goal, as Swilatia started an attack in the kick off. Rycerski changed passes with another attacker, who headed the ball inside the area to score a goal for the visitors. The situation wasn’t too good for the Monopolists, which passed many minutes attacking badly. The game was equal.

The game was in its last fifteen minutes, and the supporters were extremely nervous. But Heitor gave them a gift. The play was started by Léo Mattos, who got the ball in the right wing and sent it to the area. Borlane headed it and sent it to outside the area. There, Heitor hit the ball still in the air with his left foot, and with went fast to the right side of Kowalski’s goal. A beautiful goal. After that, Swilatia tried to attack, but it was too late. Read Breno Gavião:

“Léo Mattos has the ball, he is good in crrrrreating goal chances, let’s see what he can make now. He goes to the wing, is in the attacking arrrrrea. Crrrrrosses the ball to the arrrrrea... Borlane heads it. Heitor gets the rrrrrebound, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! A replay is needed! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu three, Swilatia two! Needing to sleep in Lasft? Go to Aconchego Hotel, the five-star hotel of Lasft!”

AFTER THE GAME
Alfredo Neves was relieved with the result, and said to the reporters: “This was a vital game for me and for the country. Now, we are still in the fight for qualification. Of course, if we start losing again, I’ll lose my job, so I’ll do the possible to win all the points that we can. This is no time for radical changes, the team will continue the same.” Caio Meback can get his place if he leaves.

The midfielder Falcus said: “Extremely difficult game for us. This victory was so important. Now we have a difficult task playing against Az-Cz, but we are very united and can get some points there.” The defender Alemão said: “Aff... I’m tired. I’m so glad that we won. Otherwise, all the supporters would be wanting to invade the field!”

http://img183.imageshack.us/img183/1563/swi3zq6.jpg
Coach Alfredo Neves could be fired before the game

CAFUNDÉU 3x2 SWILATIA

Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft.
Attendance: 95,410 people.
Referee: Mick Frasburg (Bostopia).
MOTM: Heitor (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Júnior, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Alemão (Flecha 45’); Anormal, Barbosa and Falcus (Nego Guerreiro 65’); Tales, Heitor and Renário (Metir 81’).
Coach: Alfredo Neves.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/swilatia.png SWILATIA: Kowalski, Kapowska, Serelianski and Tiskane; Szymański, Wak (Nitsolski 10’), Borlane (Wejare 85’) and Anioł (Jankowska 45’); Dąbrowski, Rycerski and Romańska.
Coach: that one in the bench.

Goals:CAF: Renário 38’ , Tales 52’ , Heitor 80’.
SWI: ??? 23’ , ??? 53’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Az-Cz: Júnior, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Eduardo Monte; Anormal, Barbosa and Falcus; Tales, Heitor and Renário.
Coach: Alfredo Neves.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Freddy Hocaster (Ariddia).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 6 games:

4- Anormal and Heitor
3- Tales
2- Renário
1- Becão, Léo Mattos and Flecha

[OOC: and now here's the monastically spun propaganda version of the above...]

THE MONASTIC TIMES

DREAMED REALM TEAMS MEET IN SPIRIT OF ORTHODOX BROTHERHOOD
Football Match Sort of Played

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

In truly inspiring scenes in the Imperial Hippodrome last night, the football squads of the Archregimancy and the Holy Empire set aside their petty sporting differences in order to engage in fraternal Orthodox dialogue on a range of theological and secular issues.

The players from both squads discussed many topics of interest while seated in the centre circle and sharing a simple feast of olives, bread, and cheese. An egg was also shared as an omelette. Discussion on the Holy Empire side was led by our Orthodox sons Juan Tzimisces and Basil II 'The Bulgar-Slayer', with many of the Archregimancy squad too in awe of meeting a saint to engage directly with substitute St. Alexander Nevsky. Even the pagans, atheists and heretics on the Imperial side said that they had found the experience 'interesting'. Imperial left winger Ernesto Guevara was later quoted as saying "initally I thought the monks to be oppressive bourgeois pigs, using false beliefs to impose an unjust social hierarchy on the poor, but now I realise that they are at least as earnest in their beliefs as I am."

The match ended 2-2, but was somewhat overshadowed by the magnificent spirit of brotherhood on display. When asked about the final result, Imperial midfielder Socrates (the Athenian, not the Brazilian) merely asked in turn "Do you believe, then, that either team had the right to win?"

Amda-Mo: Well that was a bit of change of pace, as the Gnomes picked up a 4-2

victory.

Lur-Mn: Nice to see big offense from the team. The two goals isn't great, but the defense is still playing well and we've still got a perfect record, so that's good.

Amda-Mo: What kick started the offense?

Lur-Mn: I dunno. I'm not sure Zax-Im does either. But the team responded when necessary. After both goals for Fmjphoenix Pizelkaxrovsky set up beautiful equalizers, once to Kn-Dg and once to Ip-Gp. And in the second half the run down the opponents theory worked. This team really can run and run and run.

Amda-Mo: Are you worried at all about the team's struggles to put games away early?

Lur-Mn: Of course yes. And of course no. Clearly it's nerve racking to leave matches until late every time, and of course it feels like if you're playing with fire you're going to get burned. But that's what the team is designed to do. Zax-Im's clearly put a lot of thought into how he's crafted this team, so I'm not that worried.

Amda-Mo: What about the mindset of the team? Should we be worried about overconfidence?

Lur-Mn: Nope. That's one area in which I think the team is just fine.

Amda-Mo: How about wearing down over the course of qualifiers?

Lur-Mn: Well, there is some fear of that. For a team designed to expend as much energy as ours is, there's a fear that it could have a cumulative toll. Thankfully the team is fairly young. We'll clearly see if that ends up being the case.

Amda-Mo: How about the rest of the group?

Lur-Mn: Well Cafundeu got revenge against Swilatia. They're up next in what is now clearly a bigger match for them than for us. They could really boost their qualification chances with a win. It's an opportunity game for them, but a loss removes any margin of error. So we'll have to be on our guard. A win there for us and we're possibly through if Swilatia also can't win.

Amda-Mo: How about the other groups?

Lur-Mn: Well some struggles at the top with Elves Security Forces, Sel Appa and Acapais all only earning draws and Geisenfried losing. Those would be the most interesting results, other than that mostly as would be expected.

Amda-Mo: Ok. Let's look at the top six.

Lur-Mn: Well despite the results things are mostly unchanged.

6. Milchama

Having won five straight, including a pounding of Atheistic Right and a win at Vilita the warriors are looking strong again. The opening day draw with Non-RpingnOOb is well in the rear view mirror now.

5. Acapais

They haven't slipped too far. A draw with Turori is perfectly respectable and they're still looking like one of the better teams this cup. With only Squornshelous left, visiting Acapais, they're all but in the cup. A great accomplishment for this young nation.

4. Sel Appa

The Turtles were similarly suprised with a draw agains The HURD away. And like Acapais that draw is not a big suprise or disappointment. They're still looking like a good bet to top the group and with an eight point cushion on The Hurd a wonderful bet to make the cup. They've shown a lot of class these qualifiers and have moved to a very solid team. Now the question is what kind of success can they find in the proper.

3. Bettia

Another win, this time edging Sativaville moves them to 6-0. Not quite the dominant sheen we've seen from them in times past but still an impressive run up to this point. Perfect records are always good.

2. Az-cz

Finally showed that there is a strong offense on this squad as well. They've played many different styles and have had success in all. And the mental preperation and ability to earn victories late is great. They haven't had however any truly dominating victories as of yet.

1. Oliverry

Scoring five against anybody is good. Allowing three to Lovisa isn't. Still it's hard to drop them after a five goal scored two goal victory. The difference between the three top teams is small and if you reversed them it would be entirely reasonable, but I do belive that Oliverry has been the best
up to this point.

Amda-Mo: Yeah, I agree. But it's really not important to be number one in this poll.

Lur-Mn: Well for the top three teams, their position in qualifiers isn't that important. All will judge success based on their results in the proper.

Amda-Mo: For tonights second set of six, we'll be looking at monikers. Namely various nicknames used for the teams. These don't have to be official, but they do have to be names that are used.

6. Bazalonia - Bazalopes

It's hard to go wrong with using a team name so special to your nation. And the Bazalope is a cute sweet creature in its own right. And I hear they taste pretty good as well. Would be higher, but it's hard to be that afraid of a mascot that people eat.

5. Wentland - Swifts

I don't know what in hell a swift is, but it sounds cool.

4. Bettia - Aroras

See Wentland. I think they may be some kind of cute fuzzy animal thing, or maybe they're man eating beasts. I think Bettia actually had some liveones as a mascot before. Regardless the name is cool.

3. Starblaydia - Purple Peril

Not a true nickname in the since of the others, but Purple Peril had such a great ring to it. Combined with the truly fierce state of the team and almost the world purple by itself could discombobulate teams. Just ask Jeruselem.

2. Spruitland - Rabbits

Rabbits are just an awesome mascot. Taking the cute fuzziness to it's extreme is great. Unless these are man-eating rabbits like the ones the Northern Bettians are fighting. Then they're just scary. I don't know if they chose this nickname with relation to "breeding like rabbits" but it wouldn't suprise me.

1. Vilita & Turori - Eelcat Things

This is technically an AOCAF nickname and not one seen in the cup, but I love it so. Eels and Jungle Cats are both good and interesting names in their own right. But combined together it just gives strange images to all concerned. With two strong teams mixed together they can also play some mean football. Now just imagine if an Eelcat thing combined with an Ulzaxid morph. That would be crazy.

Lur-Mn: And with that image in your mind, we bid you good night.

Shutout Keeps Kiryu-shi Within Reach of Leaders

By Michio Hibbert

Tolvarus Heading into the sixth match, at the halfway point for qualifications in World Cup 35, Kiryu-shi was within position to make a possible move into the top three in the group. They managed two wins and a draw over the first five matches, and looked to improve against a struggling Tolvarus squad. They played a dominant match, controlling the ball incredibly well in an away match, an important sign if they hope to obtain enough points to have a shot at qualifying. Their defense was hardly challenged at all, as their midfield was in control the entire for the entire 90 minutes.

____The match started off a little shaky for Kiryu-shi, as Tolvarus made a quick move in the second minute, and a bad decision by Gregory Iverson led to a yellow card and a good set play opportunity for the home side. The free kick was a direct shot on goal, and Jon Crow was completely grounded as he watched the shot bend over the wall of defenders. Luckily for Kiryu-shi, the ball spun enough to sail wide of the net, and that was the closest that Tolvarus came to scoring in the entire first half. Kiryu-shi midfielders looked dominant as they continuously peppered the Tolvarus defense with a barrage of passes and crosses to Garret McGee and Hellen Gandy. Kiryu-shi thought they had scored the opening goal in the 14th minute, when one of those crosses, delivered by Pat Mayberry found McGee with some open room on the far side of the net. His hard shot strait at the keeper was deflected into the air, and the keeper scrambled to dive onto the ball as it came back down to the pitch right on the goal line. The referee was right on top of the play, and made the correct no goal call with the terrific heads up play by the Tolvarus keeper. However, McGee had another, even better chance in the 19th minute, when Sidney Hendrickson threaded a beautiful low pass between several defenders. McGee met the ball directly with his swinging left foot. This time, the keeper had no chance. A few other opportunities were thwarted by the terrific Tolvarus keeper, but the constant pressure got to him. In the 41st minute, Gandy received a ball from Pat Mayberry in the penalty area and dribbled the ball strait towards the goalie, as the defenders were completely out of position. Gandy toed the ball into the right hand corner, while the goalie dove the other way, completely miss-reading Gandy’s kick. The half ended with Kiryu-shi with two goals, while Tolvarus didn’t even have a shot on goal.

____The second half was more laid back for Kiryu-shi, as they took Iverson out just in case and put in a sixth defender to protect their lead. The veteran Esra Goldenbock played a solid half, although she wasn’t challenged that often. Kiryu-shi played it conservatively, trying to control the ball and occasionally pressing up, but never mounting a serious challenge against Tolvarus. There was a scary moment in the 72nd minute, when, in a moment of awkward play, Hendrickson and Doug LeBlanc ran into each other as they both tried to intercept a Tolvarus pass. Hendrickson was able to get up and continue playing, but LeBlanc looked a bit woozy, and was taken out. 23 year old Martin Jones made an appearance as a defender, and he looked pretty sharp against the Tolvarus forwards. Tolvarus made one last desperate attempt in injury time to try to cut down the lead, bringing their defenders and goalie up to press Kiryu-shi, but the defenders held on to their positions and the shutout.

____The win, along with the Wentland win and the Errinundera win over Qazox, meant that the top four teams are all gathered within two points of each other, with Errinundera in first based on goal differential over Qazox, and Wentland over Kiryu-shi for third place, again, based on goal differential. This means that, although Kiryu-shi is in fourth place, they still have a shot at the top two positions, as they will play each of the other three top teams once in the remaining four matches. Their next match, home against Errinundera, is a match where they hope to be able to steal at least one point from the group leaders. Qazox and Wentland will also be playing in another critical group match. Kiryu-shi will have to play as well as, or even better than they did this game in order to have a chance against Errinundera, who’ve scored an outstanding 26 goals in the six matches thus far, with a goal differential of plus 20. In their last matchup, at Errinundera, Kiryu-shi was dominated four nil. Doug LeBlanc will be in the starting lineup for Kiryu-shi, as he appears that he will be able to recover from his injury to start in front of the crowd in Sakaino.

http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/663/aska7.jpg
Garrido scores a goal

BE CALM NEWSPAPER - PLAYER OF THE DAY
EDITION 7: DOCTOR JUAN CARLOS GARRIDO (#15)

After another victory against Veitau, this time playing away, the Doctors' team are in a good situation in their group, but they have serious threats coming from bigger teams. The team will have to get some points from these teams to get a qualifying spot.

Now, to our player of the day. Today we'll talk about Doctor Juan Carlos Garrido. One of the most shy players, who many times is unnoticed during the games, this defensive midfielder is efficient, although isn't too good at attacking.

As a person, Garrido is a mysterious person. He was born in Ariddia, and lived many years there. He studied medicine in his home country, and, two years after he got his degree, he decided to accept an offer to complete his studies in Juta Hospital college, where he became a surgeon. After many years in Cafundéu, he went to the Landau Institute.

Doctor Juan Carlos Garrido still has some problems to communicate properly, and that's because some doctors don't trust him. But he seems a nice person, and wants to meet some new friends in his new home. He has few work in the Institute.

As he is still a new doctor in the Institute, he probably won't be a Professor too soon. He already said that he doesn't mind. He is single, although has one son, who still lives in Ariddia. Sometimes he visits his son, but he doesn't allow his son to go to the Institute.

Matchday 7 RP Cutoff

..:: BazaClans World Cup 35 Matchday 7 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12749498&postcount=7) ::..

Jeruselem Government News

The Firth Factor vs the Dazza Doorstep by Wayne Wastle

Well, when Bostopia declared it's new manager of the Bostopian World Cup 35 team - I fell out of my chair. Kelly Firth? Yes, it is same Kelly Firth - the same woman who appears naked on Bostopia TV every day who recently came to Jeruselem to cover a friendly between Bostopia and Jeruselem. Jeruselem won that game quite easily.

So it is the football world big enough for both female coaches? Today, Dazza's Jeruselem hammered Abu Omar 5-0 in Group 5 and Kelly Firth's Bostopia managed a NIL ALL draw with Daughrty. So it's clear who has the better team at the moment. Jeru FC lost 4-0 to Fort Europe but that was kinda expected.

Now it's a Dazza Dallas vs Kelly Firth! These two women have a lot in common. Both like nudity, both work for the government news channel, both have huge fanbases at home, both aren't afraid of public nudity, and now both are coaches of a World Cup team. Oh yes, both are very attractive women although I've only slept with Dazza Dallas when I was a young man.

There is a big difference between these women though. Dazza Dallas is an experienced football player at World Cup level and other tournaments while Firth is not. Dazza Dallas is older and wiser, has kids and is married while Firth is not. Dazza Dallas manages a billion Shekel business and media empire so managing a football team isn't too hard as the lessons from managing a business are applied to her football too. Firth has no such experience. Kelly Firth is a native of her nation while Dazza is more of an immigrant child.

In short Kelly Firth is not a Dazza Dallas, but if she can guide her team into World Cup finals she will be a great rival to Dazza Dallas in the stakes for the crown of glamour female coach. There are not many female coaches around but with Dazza Dallas and Kelly Firth in the job, it's sure to exciting with both women aiming to grab the spotlight.

Kelly Firth is a young woman who has a lot energy to inject into this World Cup 35 while old fox Dazza Dallas is on her way out - creating the road for her daughter Kate Dallas to replace her. Saying all that, Debbie Dallas is supposed to be retired and she's coaching Jeru FC so Dazza is far from done yet.

Now imagine a Bostopia vs Jeruselem World Cup 35 final ... which manager will get naked first? One or even both will, which is not something people want to see unless you are a true fan or pervert. Oh Dazza is waving at me in my office, and flashing her tits.

[Parriff] After the draw with Daughrty, I spoke with new manager, Kelly Firth.

“Kelly, thanks for talking to me.”

“No problem Jamie.”

“So the question on the minds of all Bostopians – why were you appointed manager?”

“I was as shocked as you were, Jamie. Coming in the press conference as a TV journalist then halfway through becoming Bostopia manager – it was a strange few hours. But what Jeffrey Freimark, the head of the FA, told me was that because I had been around the national team so much, observing training and getting to know the tactics of the game from both my domestic and international coverage, I was actually the best person they had.”

“But don’t you need FA coaching badges to manage a professional side, let alone the national team?”

“I got those while I was in University a few years back studying for my journalism degree. Knowing I wanted to go into football, it made sense to get them so I knew what I was talking about while on TV, I thought it would get me greater respect from men who may not be used to women broadcasting on football.”

“Your appointment did mean a lot of people in the FA resigned – do you think they hired you to get rid of some of the dead wood?”

“It’s possible. But these were the people who didn’t want to start making the advances in the game that were needed, so it’s for the best either way.”

“Onto another TV personality and manageer now – Dazza Dallas. Have you spoke to her recently?”

“Well, I haven’t seen her since the interview a few months back, but she did ring me a few hours ago to congratulate me. She seemed a bit distracted when I told her I didn’t work for the government news channel like JGN reported, there was a lot of background noise and muffled voices at the time.”

“Channel 9’s boss, Greg Griffis, is a close personal friend of the Emperor, to be fair, but we’re no BTC.”

“No, no we’re not.”

“Will you be learning from Dazza while you manage?”

“Well, Bostopia and Jeruselem are completely different teams. And me and Dazza are completely different people, and though we do both go nude a lot, it’s for different reasons. But still, she must be an inspiration for so many women in the game, me included, and of course for men too, in showing how people from all backgrounds can reach the top, in the business and sports world.

“And now onto that issue, your lifestyle choice in going nude – why, and will you be carrying it on?”

“Well, being born in Fenton State, I was always going to be nude, seeing as it’s mandatory, but that never bothered me. While 7, 8, 9 year old kids in say Kisington State thought walking barefoot through mud was an experience, it was a completely different lifestyle for us in Fenton, and I’m glad of it. And yeah, I do think that I’ll carry on being nude, fans turn up to the game in their natural state, so I shouldn’t be any different, as long as local laws allow it.”

“The game against Daughrty, a disappointing draw. What do you think the problem is with small teams?”

“The boys are still young, Jamie, still only 10, apart from Peter in goal who’s nearly 11, and I think they can tend to underestimate the smaller teams, which lead to them not really trying and we end up making silly errors and drawing or losing games we should really win.”

“Do you think we can still qualify automatically?”

“Well, we’re only 4 points off Quakmybush with 3 games left. It’s going to be tough but should Quakmybush fall, then as the Az-cz Scroll said, if they slip up, we’ll be there to take advantage.”

“Alright, thanks Kelly, and good luck.”

“Thanks Jamie, and I hope to see viewers on Channel 9 Griffwitness News, Bostopia soon!”

We now return to our irregular RP, already in progress.

The Scoresheet Sports Desk:

"1 gol?"

"Yep."

"From hu?"

"Duno."

"Du u no hu 1^."

"The Elves."

"Tha probable scord the gol, then."

"Probable."

"Nething intresting?"

"Uh...Nickel on defense!"

"The Composit Minister?!"

"No, the 800 year old elf."

"That's beter."

"Can I get simbolic & rit abot ho we shud overthrow Nickel the composit minister^."

"If u wer that direct, it wud ¬b simbolic."

"****."

“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s continuing coverage of the World Cup 35 qualifiers. I’m your co-host Troy Wallace along with Dinah Miller. Today Tynelia continued its strong play ay home with a 2-0 win over Jaredcohenia to maintain its one point lead over Arridia and three point edge on the Green Wombat. After today;s matches Tynelia is only one point away from clinching at least a playoff spot with their nine point edge over fourth place. It seems very likely that the top three teams at the moment will be the three that make the playoffs. The question now is the order.”

“And more importantly for Tynelia Troy, Connor MacDougal returned to the scoring column with a pair of goals today. The team had been waiting for him to get going this Cup with Tina Conroy having to carry most of the offense so far in this low scoring Cup for the team. If both Connor and Tina can get a rhythm going then the offense will be in good hands and give the regular forwards more openings for them to contribute as well.”

“Well Dinah this wasn’t quite the blowout as the Kristovenia match was but the team did well to take the max points off the group cellar dweller which was important given our closest two rivals in the group also posted convincing shutouts. Now the competition level will get an upgrade for here as we face the 4th, 3rd and top seeds in the last three matches, though we do get two of them at home.”

“I’m a bit surprised by Commerce Heights JSY this Cup I have to admit Troy. I thought they’d be fighting for at least a playoff berth but here they are sitting six points back of third and are in serious danger of being eliminated next match. On the other hand that does mean they have nothing to lose and can afford to go all out in their upcoming match with us.”

“I actually think they’re done myself Dinah. They had a chance to make up ground on the team directly ahead of them today when they face the Wombats and got shutout 3-0. If CH JSY thought they had any chance of advancing they certainly would have shown it there. They looked really lackluster and unmotivated on the pitch out there so I think given the way Tynelia is playing right now and being at home again, we can take care of business against them.”

“I admit I thought they would have a better match against the Wombats too Troy but instead it was the Wombats who came out there on fire and took it to them early. After that it was all over, you could see it in their body language that CH JSY had no answers. But I still think they won’t play like that two matches in a row.”

“Arridia on the other hand just whalloped Kristovenia 4-0. The defending champs are clearly back on form now after some first half stumbles to maintain their perfect record and stay ahead of the Wombats to avoid having to play a playoff while keeping the pressure on us.”

“At least we have the advantage of being ahead right now so if we keep winning all we need is a draw on the final matchday to win the group for only the second time in our history.”

“Well as we thought at the start this second match against the Wombats on the road will be the deciding factor as to where we end up this Cup. Assuming we win against CH JSY a win against the Wombats will clinch a qualification spot for us ensuring the Arridia match is meaningless, and that;s something I think Coach Masterson wants.”

“Defintiely Troy, I’m sure no coach on any team wants to go into the final matchday knowing they have to take points off the defending champions and #1 team in the world to advance. The team definitely wants to win these next two matches to make that Arridia match inconsequential and maybe give Coach Masterson a chance to rest some players going into the Cup proper.”

“OK Dinah its pick time. I think CH JSY is done and we come away with a solid 2-0 win to make it a three match sweep on this homestand before we travel to play the Wombats.”

“I think it will be closer Troy, but I do agree that Tynelia will win but by a 2-1 score.”

“I think you’re giving CH JSY a bit too much credit based on their last two matches Dinah, but I guess I was the pessimist last match so its your turn now. And with that , we’re done here with today’s show. Tune in next week for Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s continuing coverage of the World Cup 35 qualifiers. I’m Troy Wallace for Dinah Miller and the crew here at the TSW studios have a good night everyone”

The Jariss team comes back to the lockerroom disappointed as they once more failed against the group leaders Geisenfried after a 1-0 loss at home. The crowd at the Arena on the other hand were quite impressed and pleased with the low scoring match, typical of the defensive mindset of the country.

Tali Vindu: I’m horrible, I can’t believe I lost to them AGAIN!

Andre Miware: Hey cheer up Tali, you only gave up one goal last time. That’s 3 less than the first match, and that one was a bad hop, must have hit a rock or something to kick off to the left like that. You did good.

Tali:” Yeah but I should have stopped it, I mean we’re at home right? I should have known that rock would be there or something.

Minna Dawo: You’re not supposed to know where every rock on the field is Tali. It was a lucky goal that’s all. Besides you could see how nervous they wee out there when we kept it so close.

Fya Panai: Yeah Tali, you shut them out in the first half. That;s was way better than the first match. And next time we play them we’re gonna beat them!

Goru Lyani: But now we’re dropped back to fifth though.

Fya: That’s because we’re going to make a dramatic rally at the end and surprise everyone. It sounds better if we start far back.

Leni Banama: That’s the spirit Fya. I think we can beat Fort Europe this next match even if we are on the road.

Minna: Yeah they won’t shut me out again this time.

Joa Giranu: And Tali’s gonna shut them out again this time too.

Tali: Yeah sure…

Leni: Come on Tali look at the numbers. We’re supposed to be one of the bad teams everyone else beats but we only have a -2 GD because of your play. Half the goals allowed came in one match, we’re just as good as these other teams on D and that’s because of our keeper.

Tali: Yeah Aru did good.

<Gia Banama walks up behind Tali and smacks her upside the head>
Tali: OUCH! Why did you do that?

Gia:<her hands on her hips glaring down at Tali like she was one of Gia’s kids> Listen Tali, I don’t know why you’re always so down about yourself but knock it off already. You’re a good keeper, I know it, everyone in this lockerroom knows it and everyone watching the matches knows it. The only one that doesn’t seem to get it through her thick skull is you Tali. Sure you gave up some goals. These are the best teams in the world. Its not the Jariss police/fire department team. Its not the Farmers Association team. Its people whose countries spent millions funding and getting the best players from countries that have thousands times our own population. Of course they’re going to be better than what you’re used to. Now you’re a good keeper Tali, what other person could put up an effort like you have, we’ve been competitive in every match because of you. Now I promise you this. Next time you get all moping and whining like this I’m going to smack you and try to knock some sense into you. Do you understand me young lady?

Tali: Yes ma’am…

Gia: That’s better.

<Coach Maru Hiniru walks in at the end of Gia’s tirade>

Coach Maru: I think that was a bit harsh there Gia, Tali’s still young. BUT I do agree that you are a good keeper Tali, the best I’ve seen in my years coaching in Jariss. You just have to believe in yourself and the rest takes care of itself. Look at today’s match. Geisenfried came in here expecting a walkover like the first time. But you people learned from that match, played your hearts out in front of the home team and only lost because of a bad ricochet. We should have gotten a scoreless draw, you guys deserved that draw but that’s soccer. Maybe next match we’ll be the ones with the lucky bounce.

Fya: Yeah Fort Europe’s gonna pay for this!

Coach Maru: Well we’ll be in their stadium this time, and don’t think they’re not going to feel embarrassed after we got a draw with them our first match. They will certainly be trying for the win this time. Look at how well they beat Jeru FC today. Now this will be a tough finish for us, two matches on the road and Commerce Heights will be coming here and you KNOW they’ll be fired up after we beat them in their stadium.

Goru: Yeah we’re screwed.

<Fya runs up and smacks Goru upside the head>

Goru: Hey!

Fya: We’re gonna win them all grump!

Coach Maru: Well it took a little longer today I guess before I had to say it….ok knock it off Goru and Fya. Yes these will be three tough matches for us. But don’t forget we’re still only two points out of third and a playoff spot, and who’s third right now? Fort Europe. SO if we beat them not only will we reach double digit points, but we’ll move up one spot at least and if Commerce Heights loses or draws then we’ll be third all alone with to matches left. Think about that people, a win and we’d be two matches away from the World Cup. Don’t forget Turruth Gordor is only four points ahead of us in second and we owe them after our last match. This thing is still wide open and we’re start part of the picture. Who thought that would be the case when this all started?

Fya: I DID!

Joa: Yeah but you say that all the time no matter what. That doesn’t count.

Fya: Does too! You just hate it when I’m right.

Joa: Whatever.

Coach Maru: OK everyone, good effort out there today, you played one of the best teams in the world dead even after they stomped you last time. Great bounceback effort. Now we have Fort Europe to get ready for, this is a winnable game so play like you did today and maybe this time we’ll get the lucky bounce for the win. Now hit the showers.

Debbie: Hello, is my sister Dazza there?
Monique: Hang on, she's just crawling under a table.
Debbie: Always up to no good.
Dazza: Hello, who's there?

Debbie: It's me, sis.
Dazza: Hey sis, how's that army team!
Debbie: You know they got smashed by Fort Europe 4-0 while your team steamrolled Abu Omar 5-0. They are going badly as expected.
Dazza: They can win a game, with a bit of luck. They just need the right opponent.

Debbie: Yes, probably when it's all too late.
Dazza: It's all too late now.
Debbie: Good point there sis. So you have a rival, Miss Kelly Firth?
Dazza: We're not rivals. I've met her and she's a nice girl who just likes football and nudity - like me.

Debbie: Well, good luck to her. It's a man world out there. Men want her to fail.
Dazza: If they see her naked, I don't think so. A pretty face, a nice body and good brain gets women places.
Debbie: Anyway, I think she might have issues having actually not played real football before like we did.
Dazza: I think she will do well. She's got a good intellect behind those looks.

Debbie: What's that giggling behind going on there?
Dazza: It's not me!
Debbie: No I think it's that Dazza Deux friend of yours.
Dazza: Oh that, she's just chatting up the assistant coach.

Debbie: Bloody hell, time to go. Stupid military schedules! No time for shopping.
Dazza: They didn't hassle me about those when I was coaching.
Debbie: That's because you're Dazza Dallas, their pinup girl.
Dazza: See, a pretty face, a nice body and good brain gets women places

Debbie: I just need the nice body. Anyway, see you later sis.

Back in the present/past:

ROCKPORT WORLD NEWS, Channel 7

The CASCADE now is now slowly moving to the east at a rate of about 3 miles a day now. Our scientists have all but given up hope that it will reverseitself or slow down. Qazox is doomed, unless the impossible happens or some other country's scientists can find away to stop it. As stated before, RWN will continue to broadcast until the very end. More updates later.

<Skip ahead to sports>

Wentland managed to beat Qazox again 2-1 on a goal in the 87th minute by Lennie Newton. Wentland got on the board first when Carl Hunter scored in the 52nd minute. Qazox managed to tie it up in the 77th minute when Oleg Halcho managed to put a rebounded shot by Yancy Fry. The loss drops Qazox into third place in Group 1, but they are only 1 point behind the 2nd spot, which automatically qualifes a team. 3rd place goes to a playoff, and Qazox leads in that regard. Up next is Tolvarus, and Qazox should win.

And now back to the future/present:
YEAR 3421 Day 295
PLACE On the way to "Earth"
TIME 0900 STANDARD

"We're nearing Earth," Said Mouse. "There's a Confederation ship, but its on the other side of the planet, so we're safe in that regard."

"La-Yo, where do we need to land as to not set off warnings to that ship?" Kyle asked.

"Doesn't matter, really. The residual effects of the cascade block sensors from space anyway, so that's why I had to land and explore the area." La-Yo replied.

"OK, here'sss the plan, Mouse will ssstay with the ssship, while I and Kyle will take COBALT. Asss for La-Yo, can you cover usss while we near the ssenter of the dissturbansse?" Snake slightly hissed.

"Fine, Not like I got much of a choice, now that I'm a criminal." La-Yo said.

"You're sure that with this fusion generator hooked up, that it will power up the device enouhg to send me back?" Kyle asked.

"YEssss." Snake said.

As the ship landed near where La-Yo had a few days earlier, the three prepared to head into the jungle, when a warning came from Mouse on the ship.

"A Confederation Star-Cruiser is in orbit above us, and they look like they are sending down a ship. I guess you guys have about 10 minutes before they find you." Mouse said.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 4-0 자스연 http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/spaam/JSY/

성공 !

Success, indeed, as the Rouge-et-Noirs proved their stuff against the Hyesŏngjŭ of Commerce Heights. Dispelling all doubts as to their form, the Ariddians gave themselves a thorough confidence-booster on foreign soil. The issue of the match was never in doubt; there was little suspense, but much cheering from the Ariddians in the stadium. Members of Ariddia’s tiny expatriate community in Commerce Heights were there to support both teams. They may be few in numbers, but visiting Ariddians were nonetheless pleased to find an Ariddian restaurant not too far from the stadium, along with – of course – the local Ariddian cultural centre.

The first goal was provided by a fired-up Raphaëlle du Valdor in the fourteenth minute. . . and after that she just kept going. The 27 year-old midfielder scored again at the half-hour mark, then again nine minutes after that. Following her third consecutive goal in one game, she let out a whoop of joy, ran part-way round the field, then sat down on the grass and rested her head on her hand with a faintly puzzled expression.

Whatever it was she was thinking, her team mates were simply delighted, and hoisted her to her feet so they could parade her around, before the referee told them all to get on with playing the match.

Down 0-3 by the end of the first half, the Hyesŏngjŭ tightened their defence, and fought back to limit the amount of damage. Iol Et scored the only goal of the second half – assisted by du Valdor.

The ranking within Group 4 remains unchanged at the close of the second day, insofar as the top teams are concerned: Ariddia remains second, straining to make up for earlier mishaps.

World Cup Qualifying – MD7

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_islands_of_qutar.png The Islands of Qutar : Acapais http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png
0:1 (0:1)


Match Report:

The Islands of Qutar – Acapais’s unbeaten streak continues after last night’s 1-0 win away to The Islands of Qutar on Matchday Seven of the World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 35. Acapais has now six wins and one draw in group 8. The win also secures at least a playoff spot for Acapais. The Islands of Qutar will match up against Turori on Matchday Eight. Both nations desperately need a win if they have any chance to advance. Acapais will be rooting for The Islands of Qutar because a loss or a draw for Turori means automatic qualification for Acapais. Of course an Acapais win over Unknown Suburbia would also do the trick.

Van Savage saves the day again when Jose slid a cross behind two defenders and in front of the goalkeeper. There would have been no chance Van Savage would miss from 7 yards out with an empty net. Van Savage’s goal celebration included some air guitar and when asked what song he was pretending to play he replied, “Dance of Eternity by Dream Theater. There is no better band in the world.”

The win keeps Acapais in first place in group 8 and still five points ahead of Squornshelous. Acapais will visit Unknown Suburbia on MD8. The new Manager for Acapais, Yomi Elixer, is undefeated after seven games.

Scoring:
Acapais – Van Savage (Jose) 26

Booking:
Acapais – McKellar (Caution; Reckless foul) 33
Acapais – McKellar (Sendoff; Subsequent Caution) 70
Acapais – Salazar (Caution; wasting time) 82

Acapais Starting Lineup:
22 - Edward LeGrand (GK)
2 - Shane Murphy (C)
3 - Nick McKellar
13 - Jeremy Davis
10 - Shaurabh Nandy
15 - Graham Atwater
5 - Salvador Salazar (16 - James Fronberry) 81
7 - Dom'onic Duke
8 - Alex McKellar (4 - Craig Robicheaux) 62
9 - Oscar Van Savage
11 - Ricardo Jose

The Islands of Qutar Starting Lineup:
Ben Foster
John Campbell
Richard Cruise
Jeremy Stark
Richard Watt
Stephen Kojak
Greg Richards
Trevor Simmonds
Krieg Kennedy
David Alston
Richard Cartwright

Next Match:

@ Unknown Suburbia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/unknown_suburbia.png

Acapais Goal Scorers:
5 – Oscar Van Savage
3 – Ricardo Jose
2 – Atwater
2 – Salazar
1 – Duke

Acapais Assists:
4 – Van Savage
2 – Salazar
2 – Jose
1 – Alex McKellar
1 – Murphy
1 – Robicheaux

Acapais Yellow Cards:
2 – Davis
2 – Salazar
1 – Nick McKellar
1 – Nandy
1 – Murphy
1 – Salazar
1 – Duke
1 – Van Savage

Acapais Red Cards:
1 – Nandy
1 – Nick McKellar (Suspended for MD8)


-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12690192&postcount=17)

Pschychoes Look to Finish Strong

Squornshelous continued playing well against Unknown Suburbia, who held us to a nil-nil draw earlier in qualifying. This time the red and black couldn't be contained and broke loose for four goals, led by Emil Jalmari, who notched two. New starter Roman Svoboda continued to play well, adding another goal to his total. This win keeps the Pschychoes in second place in the group, five points back from surprising Acapais with three matches to play. The Pschychoes next match should be a fairly easy one against Cravan, before we have our rematches with Acapais and Turori. With the Pschychoes finally on form after a very disappointing first half. We are hoping to win all three of those matches, and with a little luck, to catch Acapais and win the group. We will need a little help with that task though, as they'll have to draw one of their other remaining matches, along with losing to us.

We are also looking forward to our team's friendly against Az-cz. It should give a better indication of how close we are to where we need to be to make a run to the final. After playing such a high class side as they, hopefully Acapais will not be such a challenge to our players.

Final Score: Squornshelous 4-1 Unknown Suburbia

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Jalmari: 5
Hermanni: 3
Svoboda: 3
Latvala: 2
Polakov: 1

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
MD 1: The Islands of Qutar 0-0 Squornshelous
MD 2: Unknown Suburbia 0-0 Squornshelous
MD 3: Cravan 0-1 Squornshelous
MD 4: Squornshelous 1-2 Acapais
MD 5: Turori 1-2 Squornshelous
MD 6: Squornshelous 6-2 The Islands of Qutar
MD 7: Squornshelous 4-1 Unknown Suburbia
MD 8: Squornshelous vs. Cravan
Friendly: Squornshelous vs. Az-cz
MD 9: Acapais vs. Squornshelous
MD 10: Squornshelous vs. Turori

The sun was burning down on the rejistanis. The noon on these hot and humid days was the worst time of the day, and still, coach Tahn H~sii-La insisted that this is the best time for training. there never have been any actual protests against the coach in the history of the Junis-Omeh'ny, but Tahn H~sii-La 's practises, which seemed to be more inspired by inikresaist ideas than by actual results. The national team did not really manage to live up o the expectations, Tahn or anyone had to them, Nythui Xara said he could not play in the national team because of the Leaue-duties of Sderak Talinhe, Ka~nsu Kansu seemed to prefer just doing the absolute necessary so that Tahn replaces him. In short: the national team was in a bad state and SyMji was asked for an intervention, however the rejistani was not sure how to elegantly do this intervention without insulting Tahn H~sii-La 's honour. He however had a nice plan...

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 35 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A DRAW, A GOOD RESULT

http://img529.imageshack.us/img529/9231/azc2ad7.jpg
Players commemorate a goal

After defeating Swilatia in an important game, Cafundéu travelled to Az-cz with the mission of getting points, to keep the team in the third position of the group. The players, especially the defense, had to train hard to be ready to play against one of the best teams of the world. And the team performed well, as the defense could stop many plays of the opponents and the attack could create some chances.

In the end, the team was able to get one point, the necessary to keep the third position. The supporters are still worried with the team’s situation, and some groups are already preparing to protest if the team fails in the next games. In today’s game, many police officers from Cafundéu were protecting the supporters, as there was a risk that many of them would be mugged or robbed.

The coach, Alfredo Neves, is having good games, after a bad start as the commander of the National Team. For the next game, Alfredo will have to replace the defender Becão and the attacker Renário, but will have the return of Dário, the most creative midfielder of the team. The team will play Western Afghanistan in the Presídio, in Carandirú City.

THE GAME

When the game started, the majority of the supporters were waiting for many exciting plays, but this didn’t happen. In the first twenty minutes of the game, the Robbers and the Monopolists were waiting for counterattacks. Az-cz, as the home team, was the first to try a more risky attack. Pizelkaxrovski passed the ball to Bn-Ct, who invaded the area and shot to the goal. But the ball went wide.

But Cafundéu didn’t take too much time to reply. Alfredo, noticing that the team had a possibility to win the game, ordered the team to attack using the centre. Anormal reached the entrance of the area and shot with strength. Gn-Lg saved. Minutes after, Barbosa exchanged passes with Tales before passing the ball to Falcus, who shot. The ball hit Ca-Fu’s chest and left the area. Read Breno Gavião:

“Come on, Cafundéu, the game isn’t so difficult. Both teams arrrre having an equal perrrrrformance, and I must admit that it’s not good. Barrrrrbosa. Pass to Tales, rrrrreceives the ball back, good pass to Falcus, now is the time! Ouch! Ca-Fu fell in the grrrrround, the game is stopped, the medic is coming. Needing prrrrrotection against bullets? Buy Edredon, the best bullet-prrrrroof jacket!”

The game continued without much quality, but there were more attacks. Cafundéu tried to score with Becão, who head the ball and sent it over the bar. Az-cz had a good chance when Nerazurri made a long ranged pass to Levesque in the attack, who dribbled Kirs and shot. The ball hit the bar and returned to Levesque, but he lost the ball to Eduardo Monte. Read Breno Gavião:

“Az-cz in the defense. Nerrrrrazurrrrrrrri holds the ball and looks to the attack. Good long pass, the ball goes dirrrrrectly to Levesque. The midfielder drrrrribbles Kirrrrrs, shoots... hits the barrrrr! The ball rrrrreturns to him, he can shoot again... Eduardo Monte! Excellent tackle made by the young defender. Cafundéu’s defense is having a good day today!”

http://img184.imageshack.us/img184/2192/azc1eo7.jpg
Cafundéu's mascot sings with the supporters

Both teams made changes to attack more in the second half. Az-cz had the entrance of Hu-35 in the game, as Ho-Lee Chung wasn’t playing well. Alfredo Neves changed the formation of Cafundéu with the entrance of Coelho. The supporters were expecting a more exciting second half, and, in the first minute, they saw a goal. Az-cz won a corner kick. Shockey took it, Becão headed the ball and it hit Haji-Me shoulder before entering in the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Corrrrrner kick for Az-cz. We arrrre rrrrreaching the end of the firrrrrst minute of the game. Shockey sends the ball to the arrrrrea, Becão heads it, but the header wasn’t strrrrrong enough, the ball hits Haji-Me... and it’s a goal! Goal for Az-cz! Haji-Me! Az-cz one, Cafundéu zero! Looking for good clothes? Go to Elegância clothing storrrrre, a good and expensive shot of female and male clothes!”

The shoulder goal motivated the Robbers, which tried to score again two minutes later, when Pizelkaxrovski received the ball inside the area and shot. Eduardo Monte cleared the danger. Cafundéu had force to react, and scored few minutes later. Coelho crossed the ball to the area, Haji-Me tried to clear it, but the ball hit Renário’s head, who got the ball possession and shot to score the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Cafundéu now comes in the rrrrright wing with Coelho, who is playing as a midfielder. He rrrrruns to the attack, no defenders come to take the ball frrrrrom him. He can crrrrross the ball... he does it, but Haji-Me gets the ball easily. Will shoot the ball... bad shot, it hit Rrrrrenário, who is now with the ball, he shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Let’s see the replay together! Rrrrrrrrrrenário, number nine! Cafundéu one, Az-cz one!”

The game seemed very good in the second half, with both teams doing their best to score the second goal. The coaches made changes in the team to try to get some advantage, but the game was too equal, and the defenses were working very well. After many attacks, the game ended with a draw, which wasn’t a bad result for both teams.

AFTER THE GAME

The coach Alfredo Neves seemed satisfied with the result, and showed it in his interview: “I think that the first half wasn’t good, but the team showed quality in the second half, and, in the end, we were able to get a draw against a strong team playing in their own home, so I think that it’s a pretty good result. If we win our last three games, we can get a qualification or, at least, a playoff spot.”

The goalkeeper Júnior said: “The defenders, of both teams, had an excellent game, especially Eduardo Monte. We and Az-cz had many attacks, but couldn’t pierce the opponent defense.” The right-back Coelho said: “Yes, the second half was really good to play and to watch, I think, but when the game is good, the game is more difficult too.”

http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/4766/policiaholandavd7.jpg
Many Cafundéu police officers were in Az-cz

AZ-CZ 1x1 CAFUNDÉU

Place: Slimes Stadium, in Az-cz.
Attendance: 101,101 people.
Referee: Freddy Hocaster (Ariddia).
MOTM: Eduardo Monte (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/az-cz.png AZ-CZ: Gn-Lg, Nerazurri, Haji-Me and Ca-Fu; Pizelkaxrovski, Kn-Dg, Levesque, Shockey (Fe-Do 80’), Ip-Gp, Ho-Lee Chung (Hu-35 45’) and Bn-Ct (Byrd 60’).
Coaches: Zax-Im, Bub-Rub and Hubertino.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Júnior, Léo Mattos, Kirs (Coelho 45’), Becão and Eduardo Monte; Anormal, Barbosa and Falcus (Nego Guerreiro 75’); Tales (Kliek 62’), Heitor and Renário.
Coach: Alfredo Neves.

Goals:A-C: Haji-Me 46’.
CAF: Renário 51’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Western Afghanistan: Júnior, Léo Mattos, André Luís, Alemão and Eduardo Monte; Anormal, Barbosa and Dário; Tales, Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Alfredo Neves.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Garth Valxen (Wentland).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 7 games:

4- Anormal and Heitor
3- Tales and Renário
1- Becão, Léo Mattos and Flecha

OOC - whoops, wrong nation.... this is, of course, a Holy Empire / AIF RP of the Assegai Developments / Holy Empire match. Sorry AD!


HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED WITH OMELETTE
An Egg's Unlikely Penalty Save Keeps Holy Empire in the Hunt

By Anna Comneno

Assegai Developments: undefeated. How many Imperial Football fans thought they would read that ungrammatical sentence fragment more than halfway through the qualifying campaign? But after surprise victories against both the Empire and fellow Dreamed Realmers the Archregimancy, the Riskbreakers entered last night's match an extraordinary 7 points ahead of their nearest (monastic) challengers.

So it was with some trepidation that Professor Vonmadscientisto and his warped hunchback assistant Igor led the Holy Empire into the quaintly gothic surrounds of Cathedral Park for the return leg of a fixture that had seen three Imperial Squad members sent off in the Hippodrome.

It was with even more trepidation that the assembled Imperial squad, officials and fans watched Basil II apparently attempt to eyegouge and blind Viktor Krum inside the first minute - the first exchange in an epic battle between the Bulgar Slayer and the Valendia FC forward - leading to an early Riskbreaker penalty, and early protests from the home side at the inexplicable lack of a red card for the imperious defender. Yet against all the odds, Riot's tame shot bounced off a divot, ricoched off An Egg, and gently rolled around the post. An Egg was, of course, smashed, leading to Sir Arthur arriving as a first minute substitute, but the unlikely events broke the Riskbreaker spell, and from that moment on, there was only one team in it....

Wave after wave of Imperial attacks smashed against the desperate home defence over the next 40 minutes, as Tzimisces, Urk and Belmore suddenly rediscovered the form that had made them legends in their time, and the two Socrates finally overcame their linguistic communication difficulties to show the world just both why the 1982 Brazilian team had been so highly rated and why the Athenian authorities had been so afraid of the philosopher's searching attack. Meanwhile, Guevara and Marley finally showed their true potential out on the left, sending in surging runs and wicked crosses that - but for a heroic effort from Yoshida in the home goal - would surely have had the visitors up 4-0 by the break.

Inevitably, the Riskbreakers couldn't hold out. A blistering 30 yard free kick from Tzimsices hit the woodwork, the rebound was picked up by Urk, who fed the hungry Belmore, whose finely placed shot went just past the reach of a despairing and helpless Yoshida.

The second half was more of the same, and many observers feel it can be only a matter of time before the magnificent Yoshida, who was equal to everything except Belmore's first half goal and is also one of many Riskbreaker internationals to play in Elves Security Forces, is picked up by a more prominent international league.

Meanwhile, Vonmadscientisto refused to comment on the fine victory, merely commenting that 'Efferythink is going to the plan, ja...."

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So, Fr. John.... Estresse Intenso... what to do about these lunatics?"

"Ah. And there I feel I must correct you, Fr. Nicholas, for the good doctors of Estresse Intenso are not themselves lunatics, but rather the doctors who look after the lunatics. The Landau Institute loony team was last World Cup. This team is composed of doctors."

"Doctors? But why? Why not simply perform a few million exorcisms to cast out the demons that beset the poor people of Estresse Intenso? Why waste so much time on secular medicine."

"Well, Fr. Nicholas... I regret to say that not only is Estresso Intenso not an Orthodox nation, but that the Landau Institute rejects religion in favour of the false god of scientific truth."

"So sad, Fr. John."

"Agreed - though they have previously shown an interest in hesychastic prayer practices as a means through which to relax some of their more stressed patients. Alas, they reject the possibility that a closer relationship with God may result through hesychasm, and further reject the sight of the divine light of the transfiguration that motivates so many of our hesychasts..."

"But doesn't that miss the entire point, Fr. John?"

"Indeed, Fr. Nicholas - I think they see it as some sort of 'near-eastern meditation practice' rather than as a means towards theosis."

"And the football match?"

"Oh forget the football match, Fr. Nicholas. Who cares about football? We're talking about the corruption of one of our most deeply valued prayer traditions - a tradition that nearly tore the Church apart through controversies over the relationship between God's energies and essence in the 14th century - and all you can talk about is football."

"But this is a football show...."

"And we won 3-2, Fr. Nicholas, after taking a 3-0 first half lead, and then the lads apparently thought winning by so much - even over heathens - would seem unseemly, and allowed the opposition to pull two back in the second half. But I don't care. I want to talk about hesychasm."

"Then go on Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian's show - which is on next - but while I would very much like to join you in discussing hesychasm, we are nonetheless supposed to talk about football...."

"Well I don't. As of now, I've taken a temporary vow of silence so as to more properly contemplate the corruption of hesychasm by the Landau Institute."

"Right then.... with Fr. John suddenly silent, let's, umm, end the show with some, err, highlights, and let's try not to think about how this is suddenly in danger of deteriorating into the monastic version of the Basil and Theo show...."

Mighty Minasrans crash Cataduanes

Hi to everyone out there reading my blog, except to those who work in a revenue agency (yes, you are ungreeted because money is a sign of poverty),

Minasra was celebrating the victory of the GNUs against the Cataduanes national team. Our Schneiers defeated the human team of Cataduanes by a 4:2 scoreline. A victory against a human team is always something nice and so many HURDists celebrated later with the drugs of their choice. Someone said one of the critical moments of this match was when links was pecked hard by a penguin, who waddled onto the pitch. For many HURDists, penguins are sacred animals (there are even people who think this planet is nothing but the egg of a space penguin, and when it hatches, the world will end for us. This might be a joke, but I am not sure), so they were very hesitant in taking the penguin off the pitch. Links had to be replaced by lynx and when that was announced, people cheered as if SyLy was substituted in for Rejistania, Alan Belmore for The Belmore Family, Urk for Giant Zucchini or Faiwe Irafma for Kaze Progressa. And... what can I say? lynx lived up to its task. And the rest of the team seemed to play better. I normally call this kind of soccer Hakuna Matata soccer in human teams. The kind of 'if we concede 2, we shoot 4' mentality. How this change in strategy happened? Magic, I guess. Or bugs.

http://img.terra.com.br/i/2007/04/29/502384-1418-ga.jpg
Professor Ricardo Rodrigues controlling the ball

BE CALM NEWSPAPER - PLAYER OF THE DAY
EDITION 8: PROFESSOR RICARDO RODRIGUES (#3)

Estresse Intenso lost another game to The Archregimancy, this time playing away. The team was losing the game by a result of 3x0, but was able to score twice with Doctor Matoso. The team isn't in a good situation in the table, but the doctors are trying to improve, and the team can win more games.

Doctor Rogério Landau, president of the Landau Institute, commented about the team composed of monks: "It's an interesting team. When they came to Estresse Intenso, they offered help to help the patients, and one monk stayed with us. He converted more than fifty patients until now, and we don't know why the patients want to follow him. We accepted his help because we knew that his prayers and faith would help our patients and make them more motivated, and then our doctors could treat them with less difficulty. Our main objective is to cure our patients with medicine."

Now, to our player of the day. Today, we'll talk about Professor Ricardo Rodrigues, another former patient of the Institute. Ricardo Rodrigues was born in Cafundéu, in the city of Submiria. Studied medicine in Dunboor Cold College. He had a good life there, and his career was promising. But he was involved in a ship accident, and became paranoic.

So, the only hope was to send him to the Landau Institute, recently created at that time. After nearly twelve years, he finally got recovered, and started to work there as a Pathologyst to thank Doctor Rogério Landau. He has a good relationship with the president and with Professor Dráuzio Varela. But he is usually a quiet person, but calm and nice.

Soon he earned respect in the Institute, and became a Professor. He is married, has a son and a daughter (has also one grandson and two granddaughter), and is one of the oldest doctors in activity. As a player, he is calm, but good in controlling the ball and sending it to the attack. He also can be a captain.

WKTV Presents: Half-Assed Jackson

http://www.vibe.com/music/next/images/2005/07/050713_rich_boy.jpg
Darius Half-Assed Jackson

"Aw, dawg. That was not pretty. Four nil, dawg, we got wailed on. Yo if this s%#t doesn't improve I'm moving to Bazalonia. They got some skills, there, muthaf#%ka. Ain't no four nils in that hiz, dawg. Naw.

"Yo, boy, this has been a rough day. Yo, this 80-year-old muthaf#@ka who lives right below me is always getting all in my face about me when I crank up my Kanye and just jive. Dawg, sometimes if I'm really feelin' it I put on some Destiny's Child. Yo, man, you have not busted speakers until you have busted speakers with Destiny's Child, man! S$^t. Anyways, today I was just sitting in peace, reading Forbes, like I like to on Saturdays, and suddenly the floor starts vibrating undernesth me. I go down there to see what's going down, and he's down there, watchin Matlock at full volume. Yo, dawg, I know Matlock he favorite show, but he can't be trashin a brotha like that, hell naw. So I went down there and I said, "I'm tryin to read Forbes, dawg, would you please turn that down?" Muthaf$*ka pulls a nine and shoots me in the chest!

"So anyway that's why I'm doing this show from the hospital. Anyways, I went and chilled with Iqu Afi while I was here, he be having surgery cus of he torn ACL and s@&t. Don't look good, dawg. He ain't gonn' be back for a long-ass time, boy. Anyways, I don't know what's gonn' go down with Ali Muhammad, cus' no sooner does he put in a great performance against Patusan than he totally f#^ks all my s@^t up against Fmjphoenix. S#*t, man. It's too f#*kin much for a muthaf#@ka like me."

Flial Adai, the thirteen year old adopted daughter of Renai Adai, presents her mom her english project that the young lass managed to get an A in.

Hero

Slowly they make their strides through the thicket
As the thunder rolls across the sky
The ground shakes like a charging herd
And the valiant leader takes the group through the fog
Marching them in line, moving solid and fluid
Each member knows that they are responcible for the other
Each ones safety is entrusted with their partners
Any one of them will be called upon to make the kill
But only the worthy can make the mark stand true.

Thier foes are worthy, battle toughened and stregnthed by their enviroment
They are worth oppenents for our group of champions
Handpicked by our fearless leader after proving their might in our lands
Their deeds are long and worthy
But do they match up well with these valiant defenders of their lands
Can the kiss of steel be the seal of their fates
Or will the sun sink on smoldering ash and rise to glory?

Quickly their foes make for the throat
But the champions make use of the sturdy shields and quick reflexes
Measuring our their foes , the captain issues the orders
As each attack on their ranks are thwarted
The marauders hold on for an hours time without injury
Fatigue begins to saturate the combatants and reinforcements are brought in
Some are forced from battle by reckless behavior
And the end of the affair can be senced.

As rockets light the darkening night sky
A small assasain moves steadily into position
Her target makes their move, falling right into the trap
With just a moments time, she strikes right into the heart of the enemy
Taking out their spirit as she seals a victory in the waning hours of the day
As her companions move triumphantly through the fallen foes
She is lifted to the heavens, a shining hero to all
But I already knew of her greatness
As she has shown me the light of life for ten years now
That is the gift of the mother, and her triumphs in her profession
Are just what make her all the better for her own self.

Wyld Stallyns
WORLD CUP 35 SHOW

Ted: I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan

Bill: And I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire

Together: And We're Wyld Stallyns!!

Ted: The Potheads are still alive for a playoff berth, after an ugly 0-0 draw with United Island Empires.

Bill: Yeah. We're only 3 points out, but with 3 matches left, we need to win at least 2 of them to have a decent shot.

Ted: Right on! And Now from the Future: RUFUS!

<Rufus steps out of his own phone booth>

Rufus: A most excellent greetings to both of you and the viewers at home.

Bill: Rufus, we have a question or two that only you can answer.

Rufus: What are they, my most excellent sages?

Ted: First who is going to win this World Cup?

Rufus: If I told that, then what would be the point of playing the games?

Bill: Gives us at least a hint.

Rufus: Ok. The team will have the letter A in thier name. Anymore than that and I risk upsetting the time-lne.

Ted: Ok. On to our second question, will Sativaville ever qualify for the World Cup?

Rufus: Yes, and to forestall the next obvious question, I'm not going to say when. Besides, I have to leave now and check on Station, they've been acting weird lately.

<Rufus steps back into his own booth and vanishes>


Ted: Well that's all for now, on our next show, we don't know, but it will be a surprise!

Bill: So Be Excellent to each other Sativaville, Wyld Stallyns Out!

Amda-Mo: And so ends the perfect run. The team just couldn't generate the
offense to push them safely out of reach and Cafundeu fought back well to equalize.

Lur-Mn: Well Cafundeu was the beter team on the day. Only the fluke corner goal for us allowed us to survive. I think the point was deserved, but if either team was closer to winning it was Cafundeu.

Amda-Mo: What was the difference?

Lur-Mn: Well the biggest thing was that their keeper was absolutely
magnificent. He stopped a number of good shots. And they marked the midfield well, really keeping Pizelkaxrovsky in check. You just have to give them credit for their play.

Amda-Mo: What's happened to the defense?

Lur-Mn: What do you mean? Three goals in two matches isn't horrible.

Amda-Mo: But it's not good either.

Lur-Mn: Well as Zax-Im announced before the cup this isn't the team for pure
defense. Shockey's just carried the team well. I'm not worried about the defense.

Amda-Mo: Do you think this team is lacking killer instinct? Why haven't we
put up any of the blistering wins all the other top teams have found?

Lur-Mn: I can't fathom. Clearly we've had those kind of wins in past cups.
And we're playing well. I don't think mental things are the problem. But
they're kind of expected not to score much early, so it's hard to really blow
people away.

Amda-Mo: In whole what's key to take out of this?

Lur-Mn: I don't think we need to panic over a 1-1 draw against a good team.
Hopefully it serves as a wakeup call of what it takes to win against a good
team and we go out and put ourselves in the cup by beating Swilatia.

Amda-Mo: Looking ahead to that Swilatia match, what can we expect?

Lur-Mn: Well Swilatia looks to be coming apart, failing to score against
Patusan. Having only earned four points in their last five matches they seem
to be in trouble. I think we'll look to rebound and put them away, which will
basically doom their qualification hopes.

Amda-Mo: What about other results of note?

Lur-Mn: Well with Oliverry also earning just a draw Bettia is now the last of
the perfect record teams and also the first team to qualify. Congratulations
to them. The Archregimancy, Alasdair I Frosticus, and Elves Security Forces
all earned big wins, with all of them stuck in tight races for qualification.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. With a number of suprising results there's been a bunch of
upheval in these rankings.

6. Elves Security Forces

A win in Zwangzug puts them back on top of arguably the tightest group. With a whopping +20 goal differential they're still looking like one of the
strongest teams.

5. Demot

And just like last cup Demot is right up their with their former colonial
masters. A win in Sel Appa has pushed them ahead of the Turtles and on top of the group for the first time since opening day. Five straight wins and
revenge against the turtles leaves the Dynamos feeling good.

4. Az-cz

Might be a bit harsh to slip here, but we certainly expected to be the better
team against Cafundeu and weren't. The home fans in the Coliseum were let
down and it wasn't a hugely inspiring match. Still the record up to this
point confirms that the team is still progressing well. A single point puts
us in the proper.

3. Acapais

Responded nicely from their draw with Turori to rebound to win in the Islands
of Qutar. That's a nice sweep to put in the bank, even if it's not quite as
prestigious as when we did it three cups ago.

2. Oliverry

They were held off the board by Ropa-Topia but threw a shut out of their own to at least preserve their undefeated record, if not a perfect one. They've already shown a strong offense, so one scoreless game shouldn't be too concerning.

1. Bettia

Well Il-Lur's pick is looking much better now. The champions once removed are looking great, winning easily enough in Quakmybush and rolling up their
seventh win. They've also already qualified leaving the last three matches to
experiment. Not much to explain about the Aroras playing brilliantly.

Amda-Mo: All the way down to fourth?

Lur-Mn: I really considered dropping us further. But one draw against
Cafundeu shouldn't drop us that far. So I stuck at fourth.

Amda-Mo: Now we head to the second six egg omelette. Tonight we'll be looking at the best players in Az-cz history? Is it possible my co-host is on that list?

Lur-Mn: Not unless you were high when you wrote it. <both laugh>

Amda-Mo: Who knows? <winks at the camera>

6. Nerazzurri

Captain for his fourth consecutive cup, like another player coming later on
the list he makes it for his leadership. He is a strong defender and can get
into the attack as well, but it's the way he rallies the team that's made him
invaluable to the team.

5. Ns-Ta

In his day he was an absolute brilliant defender. The best pure defender
we've ever had. He didn't have the attacking skills other players necessarily
had, but that's not what it was about. He also compensated brilliantly for
his small size. What a ball of technique and fury.

4. Zax-Im

The attributes that made him a great defender are seemingly also making him a great coach. His great vision for the game and understanding of soccer meant that he was often in the right place to make the key defensive play and he kept his team on a wonderful mental level.

3. Gn-Lg

Gn-Lg is a truly extraordinary goalie. The only starting keeper the team has
ever known he's repeatedly proved his ability. His penalty save against Green
Wombat to propel us to our first proper is perhaps the biggest individual
play in Az-cz history.

2. Kn-Dg

Kn-Dg is the greatest goal scorer in Az-czid history. He's got great speed, a
great finishing touch and a nearly telepathic link with Pizelkaxrovsky. His
rampage on the net last cup proved just how much of an offensive touch he
actually has.

1. Pizelkaxrovsky

Anybody who didn't see this coming clearly doesn't care about Az-czid soccer. He is far and away the best player. He has incredible ball control and a creative mind that allows him to make plays that other players couldn't even
think of, much less attempt. He showed signs of his skills by making the
finals of the legends competition back in WC30 and has only gotten better
since.

Lur-Mn: Dang, I didn't make the list. <said with fake disappointment> Still I
think that's pretty accurate. Sad that there aren't any forwards on the list.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. Well let's hope those star players are able to find us
another win next match against Swilatia.

Matchday 8 RP Cutoff

..:: BazaClans World Cup 35 Matchday 8 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12752545&postcount=8) ::..

"That'sssss just how much time we need, if this workssssss it won't matter anyway." Snake spoke as he made his way into the jungle, Kyle and La-Yo following.

"We're expertsssss, at thiissss sssoort of thing." snake hissing almost the entire sentence.

He moved with the grace of the snake and in a motion that entirely reminded, this time Kyle caught a glimples of Snakes tongur it was that of a real snake, long time ago they started to splice animal genes into people. First the experiments failed and they were burned alive but soon they found the secret ad began splicing animal DNA into human DNA. Snake was called snake because he had Snake DNA spliced into him which gave him enhanced smell-sight, from his tongue and nostrils. As well as many other things as well.

The 2 of them with La-Yo in tow started to head off deep into the jungle, to the place where all this started all that time ago. To the centre of Qazox itself.

It didn't take long for them to reach it but the ships from the AO Confederation's Star Cruiser were getting closer to finding them. Snake sniffed the air as if he detected a strange smell something that he had never smelt before...

"Ssssso thissss issss what a Temporal Casssscade sssssmells like."

"You ready?" asked Kyle

"Yessss." Snake replied

La-Yo waited and looked as he saw them activate PROJECT COBALT, many hundreds of years after it was made.

"I wonder what Snake is up too..." La-Yo wondered as he started to think about the possible plans that Atheistic Right might have for this time travelling. He shuddered to think what they may be upto.

THE MONASTIC TIMES

ORTHODOXY VICTORIOUS IN SCHISMATIC CATHEDRAL
Dreamed Realm Nations Strike Riskbreakers a Double Blow

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Many are the foreign nations who travel to Assegai Development's home ground of Cathedral Park and marvel at the fine tapestries and stained glass windows adorning the Great Cathedral. But not the nations of the Dreamed Realm. After all, to nations more used to the gilded and bejewelled glory of the Imperial Basilica of the Holy Wisdom in Alasdairopolis, or the extraordinary iconostasis of the Holy Monastery of the Great Lavra in the Archregimancy, Cathedral Park seems, well, not only schismatic but also a little 'nouveau Chrétien' and - not to put too fine a point on it - trying too hard. Western schismatics always seem to be suffering under the delusion that medieval gothic is impressive, which only those never exposed to the magnificence of an Orthodox cathedral could believe. Perhaps they're compensating for something with those big, hard, towering steeples.

Perhaps this difference in architectural styles explains the apparent total lack of home field advantage in the four match-ups between the Dreamed Realm squads and the Riskbreakers, with Assegai Developments winning both matches in the Dreamed Realm, and the Holy Empire and now the Archregimancy winning both return legs in Leá Monde. Indeed, brave performances by the Riskbreakers in the Holy Empire have now been followed by two uncharacteristically limp performances from the same squad at home, where only two brilliant performances from Yoshida have stopped the Dreamed Realmers from putting an embarrassing number of goals past the Riskbreakers. Assegai Developments have now lost two in a row after going through the first six games of qualifying undefeated.

The anonymous Archregimancy squad, expertly marshalled by legendary coach Juan Tzimisces offered no opinion of their own, merely noting that they knew they 'had to step things up a notch in order to glorify God through qualification for the tournament proper.'

With the top three teams in the group now only separated by two points following the Holy Empire's easy win over Veitau, the apparently insurmountable Riskbreakers' lead at the top of the table is now threatening to completely evaporate.

[OOC - as noted in the discussion thread, this may be my last RP for several days as I'm about to fly across the Pacific. In the meantime, having shamelessly plaigiarised Shakespeare, Yeats, Beckett and Milton (at the very least) over the last few WCs, how about Joyce Kilmer in an ode to Veitau's goalkeeper?]

KAU
By Pulcheria Kilmero

I think that I shall never see
A goalie static as a tree.
A tree whose swaying branches flow
As twice the ball past roots doth go.
A tree that guards the net all day,
But two nil down can only pray;
A tree that may in season wear
Colours of Veitau in her hair;
Upon whose bosom '1' is writ
With 'Kau' inscribed upon the kit.
I am no expert on this 'football'
But trees and eggs can't play in goal...

Friendly: Squornshelous vs Az-cz @ Squornshelous

Result: 2 - 2

Dazza Dallas wearing a shirt "Hi, I'm not Kelly Firth" and Dinkie Dosha dressed conventionally

Dazza: I'm Dazza Dallas not Kelly Firth although some people think we might be the same person.
Dinkie: I'm Dinkie Dosha and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE! And I know the difference between Dazza Dallas and Kelly Firth.
Dazza: Dinkie, what do you think of Kelly Firth as coach of Bostopia?
Dinkie: It's a very interesting move but I don't think she'll get the team over the line this cup. They'll blame her but it's probably not her fault in the end. In the end you can blame any coach but it's the football support system which fails teams.

Dazza: See, that's why we have Dinkie here. She's the thinker (smiles)
Dinkie: You're pretty crafty yourself Dazza.
Dazza: Let's start with Firth's team Bostopia - they lost 1-0 to the Sativaville team. Not the start for a new coach but saying that the Sativaville are a really good team in their own right.
Dinkie: A draw and a loss so far for Kelly Firth. Her critics will be laughing, we at here in Jeruselem wish her team the best. But Bostopia are 4th in Group 9 and still have good chance to take the 3rd spot away from Sativaville if they get a few wins under the belt.

Dazza: Group 5 - that's our group. Our local Frenchies Oliverry roll on with a FOUR TWO win over Abu Omar. Yes, they keep on winning - keeping the top spot away from my team but we won't let them get away. Who knows, the French might surrender the top spot to Jeruselem.
Dinkie: Yes, a French surrender joke by Dazza Dallas. Oliverry have not lost a game yet and the Frenchies don't look like surrendering.
Dazza: I like surrendering!
Dinkie: Yes, in the bedroom (giggles).

Dazza: Jeruselem played Rossglass who really annoyed last time with a draw but this time the referee could not save them. Jeruselem scored TWO goals and there was nothing the ref could deny about those goals this time.
Dinkie: This means, on the Group 5 table we are just one win away from Oliverry.
Dazza: Lovisa beat our nearest rival Ropa-Topia who have been playing like crap for the entire cup while Lovisa have been getting better. TWO NIL to the veteran Lovisa team. This means, Lovisa are 4th some three wins away from Jeruselem while Ropa-Topoa are 7 points off 2nd place. There's a lot of distance between 1st and 2nd to 3rd and 4th.
Dinkie: Yes, not much time left and the top 2 in Group looks settled. Just which order.

Dazza: Jeru FC - my sister's team are doing really well. Coming dead last in Group 6! Two points and a nice wooden spoon.
Dinkie: Yes, but they put up a fight to go down 2-1 to Capitalizt Slani. Not ad really.
Dazza: Let's just hope they win something - just one game.
Dinkie: That are playing to expectations so we can't go blaming your sister for anything there.

Dazza: <puts on a red Beret, changes to French accent> Ello, I'm Betty. Bettia drew with United Island Empires NIL but are undefeated. Bettia does not surrender! Bettia lead the Group 8 with Quakmybush 2nd. Sativaville, Bostopia, Daughrty and United Island Empires fighting for 3rd spot. It's a close group near the bottom.
Dinkie: As Betty said, Group 8 - the bottom 4 can all take the 3rd spot while Bettia should be top team.
Dazza: Betty is looking at Group 4 with her native Ariddia, Tynelia and Green Wombat all on the same points. Very close group indeed.
Dinkie: Yes, it looks real tough in that group but Betty's Ariddia have not lost a game yet.

Dazza: YAP YAP (still being French)
Dinkie: OK Betty, what's the topic?
Dazza: Jeruselem World Cup centenary sales! I'd like to thank everyone who is buying up on behalf on JGN. The most popular items are anything to with THE GODDESS, that's me hold a football in the air naked.
Dinkie: It's very Kelly Firth (smiles)

Dazza: All the banknotes and coins are sold out. They were real popular.
Dinkie: And those statuettes, all gone too.
Dazza: (take off beret) I'm Dazza again. You know all those rumours about me buying a home in Ariddia, it's all true. It's my holiday house. OK, I'm going to Ariddia to my new home and fixing it up after this World Cup with my family. BUT I'm inviting a couple to join us.
Dinkie: Yes, a couple to join Dazza and family holiday in Ariddia! All you have to do is write the reason why she should pick you in 100 words or less.

Dazza: BUT it must be in French, Ariddian french.
Dinkie: So learn French and submit your entries on Dazza's web site.
Dazza: That's it, see you all later and Dinkie what does Betty say?
Dinkie: ON YA BIKE!

Rejistania seemed to crowd Timothy: fans in every corner of the chaotic streets and seat of Estadije Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati cheered on the Junis-Omeh'he'ny. The only people who weren't celebrating Kansu and Nhu-De's goals in the first half were crammed into a small space. The edgy defenders shared the blame: Rube simply overwhelmed by the Rejistani offense, Andrew characteristically tense, Lawrence distracted by something just behind the Zwangzug bench. Even the woman in the blue shirt wasn't rooting as Meril expertly dribbled around Roger.

By halftime, it was 2-0. Rube made an attempt at an inspiring speech: he had inherited the responsibility after the Rejistani visit to Zwangzug...As a flicker of comprehension laced across Timothy's brain, he clambered over the bench to where Lawrence was chatting with the mysterious visitor. "Time 4 phase 2^"

"Phase 2 of what^" Timothy lapsed into quick, barely comprehensible speech.

"Phase 2 of...um..." Lawrence thought on his feet. "The game. The 2nd 1/2."

"Yep," Timothy nodded slowly. "We all know that."

"Rit. So, u shud go...praktis."

Timothy backed off, keeping a wary eye on the two of them. But he was soon distracted by Eddie, and had to convince his defensive midfield counterpart that this would not be an appropriate time to get Rejistani autographs.

The game resumed again. Only Andrew's exceptional defense kept the score 3-0 after a goal from Aseru. After the well-deserved victory for the home team, Timothy thought he saw fireworks launching over the stadium.

Then he turned again, and realized he was wrong.

Hippos In Trouble

Today in the World Cup 35 qualifiers, Tynelia’s Hippos suffered what could be a crippling blow to their chances of qualifying after a surprising 2-1 loss at home to Commerce Heights JSY. Despite a goal from Lance Cadeon, the Hippos were unable to add the equalizer which would have clinched at least a playoff spot for the squad. Although the team is still in a three way tie for first with Arridia and Green Wombat with two matches to go, today’s result ensures that everything will come down to the final day.

With both teams they are tied with their final two opponents, Tynelia clear has the toughest route to the finish. And they are still unable to back into a spot as CH JSY is exactly six behind Tynelia and could conceivably catch the Hippos if they win out and Tynelia loses out. While getting one point in these final two matches doesn’t look hard on paper both Arridia and the Wombats will be looking for some revenge as Tynelia beat the Wombats at home and managed a draw with the defending champs on the road. With Arridia rebounding after a lackluster first half it seems the #1 team in the world is back on form and any points gained in that match will be considered a surprise.

So everything pretty much boils down to the match with the Wombats. A win and Tynelia assures themselves at least a playoff spot. A draw means the Hippos will most like finish as the playoff squad barring an upset of Arridia and a few other factors going their way. A loss and Tynelian fans will find themselves rooting for the same Wombats that beat us to ensure Commerce Heights JSY doesn’t leap past us on the final match day.

In related news, Coach Jay Masterson has announced that Sean MacDougal will be starting in net for the Arridia match. Seen as a surprise possibly desperate move by some, Coach Masterson says it makes perfect sense. “Sean has played them twice now in the last two Cups and bounced back nicely from the first loss to pull out a draw for us in the first half here. Sean knows Arridia much better than Mandy does and that’s why he’ll get the nod in our last match of the qualifiers.”

Amda-Mo: Ouch. Not the result most in Az-cz, my cohost included, expected.

Lur-Mn: Indeed not. How did Swilatia score three against us. The defense has really fallen off these last few matches.

Amda-Mo: Any idea why?

Lur-Mn: It just seems like they were out of place on a lot of the attacks. I'm not sure how much of that is attributable to Swilatia and how much of that was poor play on our part. Either way it's a bad sign. If Swilatia figured out how to attack us, I'm worried about what a team like Bettia or Squornshelous could do to us.

Amda-Mo: On the other hand, how about the offense. You have to be impressed at the calm way they made up the two goal deficit and almost gave us a chance to win.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. With the attacking midfield talent we have on this team we can pour in goals. Pizelkaxrovsky just made the key passes, this time setting up Kn-Dg and Levesque both in the late going. He really is a sublime talent.

Amda-Mo: What's the final take away from the match?

Lur-Mn: The final takeaway is that we'll need to get our act back together in the proper. These last three matches will be very interesting to see what kind of take on things Zax-Im has. There's a sense in which we should play the current formation, both to ensure the top spot in the group and to rediscover our form, but in another way of thinking we want to get fresh for the cup. So that will be something to watch.

Amda-Mo: Looking at the rest of the group, thoughts?

Lur-Mn: What's happened to Cafundeu? Stumbling to Western Afghanistan at home? They've now put themselves in very bad shape. I and probably most people in Cafundeu expected them to be ahead considering who they and Swilatia were playing. They've got almost the same schedule from here out. There's is slightly easier, but it might not be enough to reverse the one point deficit.

Amda-Mo: And the rest of the cup?

Lur-Mn: Bettia has to be stunned to only earn a goalless draw with United Island Empires. Group 11 has gotten interesting with Alasdair I Frosticus and the Archregimancy closing the gap on Assegai Developments. Groups 7 and 4 have also become very interesting. Ariddia's undefeated but still in serious danger, cause half of their matches have been draws.

Amda-Mo: Ok. Let's head on over to the top six. I think some changes once again.

Lur-Mn: Definitely so.

6. Jeruselem

The Dazza squad rejoins the list. They've got a quite impressive goal differential, and six wins in a relatively hard group. They do have a loss, but losing to Oliverry is hardly anything shameful, especially considering the way they lost with a number of key calls going against them.

5. Elves Security Forces

The Elves won in Ulzaxid easily enough and are seemingly the clearly best team in their group. Only strong play from Zwangzug and Rejistania has kept them from clinching, but they should do so soon enough.

4. Demot

Now the first of the seven win teams. They've just been crusing recently. Earned another good win in winning at Cataduanes. They look unlikely to relinquish the top spot to Sel Appa.

3. Bettia

Stunning draw. Especially with no offense. A 3-3 Draw still wouldn't be good. But it would be more fitting to Bettia fans. Still it ought to be worrisome to us, cause we know their offense will come.

2. Oliverry

It's amazing that they've almost gotten far ahead of Jeruselem to make the last match day rematch against the crusaders irrelevant. Like a lot of the teams on this list they'll be looking to bust through to the finals or win it all.

1. Acapais

What an amazing run. In a tough group they've clinched qualification with two matches to go. Moreover they've already clinched top of the group, which contains the current number two team in the world and two other strong teams, both of which are former hosts. They just keeping chugging along and now have time to set their team up for a run in the finals. Hats off to them. I'm sure their fans are absolutely ecstatic.

Amda-Mo: All the way out of the top six for us? Behind two teams who have a loss and less points than us?

Lur-Mn: We just haven't played well two matches in a row. And we've yet to have any performances as dominant as either Jeruselem or the elves have had. I'm not saying we're not playing well, but I think we've slipped out of the top six.

Amda-Mo: Harsh.

Lur-Mn: Maybe, but the team needs to get in gear. My knocking them out of the top six won't be as harsh as getting sent home early in the finals, so.....

Amda-Mo: Moving on, we'll take a look at the teams we like most that have already won a championship. Clearly we can't limit ourselves to active nations, cause that list just ain't very long.

6. Rejistania

Very strange people the Rejistani, but interesting people and friendly enough I suppose.

5. Bedistan

The Bedistanis kicked the crap out of us in the first two cups, but did so good naturedly. We're sad we'll never have the chance to get revenge for that.

4. Ariddia

Very friendly, very wonderful people. Most Az-czzers think Ariddians are great but for whatever reason we just haven't become as close as you might expect considering how similar our two nations are.

3. Starblaydia

The home of one of our former coaches, and a good friend of ours, despite what other people thought of them. We miss the purple peril and wish they would come back. That might make us an exception but we enjoyed and looked up to them.

2. Vilita

Another nation we've had great relations with. Of course there's the surf tour, but friendly matches in the AOCAF, their participation in Kleptochase and any number of things means we have quite a fondness for the Vilitans.

1. Bettia

Amazingly our favorite team from the title holders is the team that denied us. But we've become fast friends with the Bettians especially on the pitch, now having played them in friendlies three cups in a row, with all indications that we will continue to do so. So we root for the Aroras, like many nations do when they aren't playing them, and wish them well. Maybe we could even edge them for a championship like they did to us.

Lur-Mn: That sixth choice was difficult wasn't it?

Amda-Mo: Yeah, the top five are all quite good relations but the sixth was difficult.

Lur-Mn: True, the list of non-titled teams is much bigger, so....

Amda-Mo: Yep. Anyways, that's it for tonight. Good luck to the team in Squornshelous.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kristovenia.png Kristovenia 0-0 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

Top place, but far from the finish line.

Ariddia has lifted itself up into the top spot in group 4, but with little glory. Following several good performances, the Rouge-et-Noirs suffered a humiliating match as Kristovenia heroically held the defending champions to a goalless draw. It was undoubtedly a boring match to all but the supporters of the two sides – one group hoping the Kristovenians could prevent an Ariddian goal for a full ninety minutes, while the others were clinging in vain to the hope that the Rouge-et-Noirs would break the deadlock.

Nonetheless, a defeat by Tynelia has seen Ariddia scramble ahead purely on goal differential. The Red-and-Blacks have not even secured a place in the play-offs yet, a disappointing and extremely worrying result now that ten other teams have already sailed through to the final stages.

Critics have noted that, while Ariddia’s defence (led by Ke Sho (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ke_Sho)) is excellent, its attack now seems incredibly weak – a reversal of ‘traditional’ Rouge-et-Noirs strengths and flaws.

Meanwhile, neighbours of Dazza Dallas’ holiday home are reportedly curious about meeting their new neighbour. Dallas will quite possibly be the richest person in all of Ariddia, and is expected to decorate her house accordingly – an idea local inhabitants find odd, but interesting. Some also admit curiosity as to what foreign ways and ideas the Jeruselem celebrity may be bringing with her.

“We’ll do all we can to make her feel at home,” 85 year-old Dana Eol said. “She’ll be one of the community, even if she’s only here during holidays. I think there’s going to be a welcome party or something.”

“Of course, we’re always pleased to welcome new neighbours,” 38 year-old Michel Champdair said. “If Ms. Dallas is short of anything during her first few days – cooking utensils, whatever – she can come round and borrow.”

In a country where money has no meaning, very little Dazza merchandise has trickled in, but some is shipped in by friends and relatives living in nearby, capitalist West Ariddia.

“Yeah, I’ve got a poster,” a male teenager admitted, looking only a little embarassed, and laughed. “And a calendar.”

The authorities have confirmed that Dazza Dallas’ offer of welcoming two people to her holiday home will pose no problem, “as long as they have tourist visas. Visitors from most countries are allowed to stay up to twenty-five days without a visa. If you’re going to take part in Ms. Dallas’ competition, you should inquire at your local Ariddian embassy, consulate or cultural centre.”

People wanting to practice their Ariddian French are encouraged to watch PINA (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/PINA), which is available in Jeruselem and many other countries.

GOAL!
Acapais Qualifies for their First Every World Cup Tournament

Fans went nuts last night throughout Acapais when, Oscar Van Savage put in the late and lonely winner against Unknown Suburbia. The match being over seas meant Acapais fans were watching in bars, pubs, arenas, and movie taverns. Van Savage’s 83rd minute goal from James Fronberry secured a place in the final tournament for the first time in the history of Acapais.

Acapais did not only qualify but they also won their group thanks to Squornshelous draw.

"We could not be happier. The players, my staff, and the AFA all took their part and we are very excited to be advancing to our first ever World Cup." says manager Yomi Elixer. "But we will not stop there; we are going to Bazalonia and The Lowland Clans to create a Dynasty."

Elixer plans to sit his preferred starters for the remaining two qualifying matches.

"I am so excited about this year's World Cup. I really think we can win our group." says a walking pedestrian.

Players of the Acapais National Football Team have high hopes for themselves too.

Graham Atwater says, “We have a great opportunity for this World Cup. We just have to remain focused and win games.”

Trouble sparked across the nation, however, at the conclusion of the match. Acapais supporters in Unknown Suburbia on Saturday night were said to have set fire to a local laundry mat, while singing, “Hearts Forever.” Back at home, fans in Schulenburg defaced the state capital building with large Acapais hearts. Fans in Royse City were throwing babies up in the air and then catching them before hitting the ground. An arrested supporter said that throwing babies was “a sign of victory.” One fan in Lancaster was killed over a dispute over who would be inducted into the World Cup Hall of Fame for Acapais once they earned a spot.

The date for the draw for the World Cup is to be determined.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12690192&postcount=17)

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Western Afghanistan Shocks Cafundeu!

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Substitute Muhammad Izi Muhammad sent a header into the bottom right corner for the match's final goal

The Presidio in Carandiru City was packed to capacity today for the match between Western Afghanistan and Cafundeu. Though many of them were inmates at the city's prison, the supporters were loud and enthusiastic; Cafundeu enjoyed an emphatic home advantage. Only a few hundred supporters from Western Afghanistan attended the match.

But as the match went on, word began to spread in Western Afghanistan that their beloved Sorkh-o-siahe had grabbed an early lead, and that they were continuing to cling to it. By Garth Valxen's final whistle, the entire nation was watching on television screens across the country, and the three one result may as well have been a victory in the World Cup final, for how elated the Mummies all over the nation were.

Ali Nuluqe, who was one of the few fans to attend the match:

"I can't believe it! I absolutely can't believe it!" he said as he bought a "Don't Ever Come Back, Western Afghanistan" T-shirt, which are selling like hotcakes across the country of Cafundeu. "We actually grabbed a win against an upper-tier team! The Monopolists drew against Az-cz just before this match, as well! Everyone knows they are a great side! And we've defeated them! I can't believe it!"

A passing Cafundeu fan gave Nuluqe a very dirty look, and Nuluqe promptly ran away, saying he had to prepare his "bear-mauling protection suit for the Az-cz game." Indeed, Cafundeu has good reason to be frustrated; Western Afghanistan may have put the Monopolists' qualification hopes in severe jeopardy.

THE MATCH

The beginning of the match was clearly marked by two factors, one in each of the clubs' starting lineups. The first was the absense of Monopolists striker Renario, who scored the winning goal in the first leg between Western Afghanistan and Cafundeu. The other was the reinsertion of Khilen Fahifa into the starting goalkeeper's position. Khuhekhezal Muhammad had remarked before the match that he had had a conversation with Fahifa and felt that the captain was ready to see the pitch again. Fahifa played moderately well; he let in a second half goal, but his superb save in the 82nd minute to keep Cafundeu out of the match will be remembered for a long time.

3rd minute: Not long into the match, Zuneh's feet became entangled with those of Tales while the latter was trying to find space down the wing. Both fell to the ground. Zuneh, looking peppy, was on his feet in no time, but Tales was slow to get up. Zuneh clearly felt that Tales had taken a dive, and immediately attempted to pull the Monopolists' striker up. This displeased both the Cafundeu team and fans, as well as Valxen, the referee from Wentland. Zuneh tried to plead his own case, but Valxen had already lost his temper and whisked out the yellow.

In the 14th minute, Ali Qer managed to swing in a pretty cross from the right. Rushufi had found himself at the top left corner of the area, and, streaking towards the far post, attempted a header on goal. However, Junior had read the cross and was rushing off his line to pick the ball out of the air. While he made a nice save, the Cafundeu keeper slammed into Rushufi at full speed. The Nine Columns striker was immediately on the ground, totally motionless. Both Monopolists and Sorkh-o-siahe players immediately screamed for the trainers. Ultimately, Rushufi had to be taken from the field on a stretcher, and Izi Muhammad entered the game. Rushufi's injury is happily not as bad as it seemed, it was revealed after the match that he had suffered only a mild concussion, and that he might return for the upcoming match against Az-cz.

17th minute: Izi Muhammad wasted no time finding space. An overhead tap on a lob from Nukhadufil gave him space between himself and the marking Andre Luis. He took a terrifying shot from 17 yards that whizzed over the crossbar. Junior screamed at the Atletico Jutense defender to challenge for any aerial balls coming to Izi Muhammad.

19th minute: But it wasn't Izi Muhammad's skill in the air that Junior needed to be worrying about. A clever one two with Iji Muhammad got Izi Muhammad free of Barbosa near midfield. Racing down the pitch, Izi Muhammad managed to dribble the experienced Leo Mattos, and then dodged Alemão to crush a left-footed blast into the upper right corner of the net. One nil Western Afghanistan.

The rest of the first half was mostly uneventful. Both clubs shared about the same amount of time on the ball, and after the 19th minute goal, neither side managed to level more than two shots on the opposing goal. Both Khuhekhezal Muhammad and Alfredo Neves made changes at half time, with Muhammad trying to solidify the defence by pulling the lame-looking Ena for tough back Zushe, and with Neves replacing a defensive mid in Barbosa with a more attacking one in Assis.

48th minute: One of those substitutes found the net. When Iji Muhammad attempted to play a very long ball down to Izi Muhammad on the right sideline (meaning the ball had to cross the entire width of the pitch), he appeared to hit it poorly and the ball soared out the back. Valxen was paying attention, however, and heeded Iji Muhammad's calls for a corner, as Anormal had apparently tipped the ball as it left Muhammad's foot. The resulting corner from the left was played quickly into the near both, where the tall left back Zushe had raced in. All it took to beat a poorly positioned Junior was a tap with the toes of Zushe's left foot, and the ball bounced into the bottom corner of the net. Two nil Western Afghanistan.

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A dazed and disappointed-looking Anormal after Zushe's goal

The tiny section of Mummies in the corner of the Presidio was going absolutely nuts, and Khuhekhezal Muhammad jumped into the arms of his assistant Jafaje Hosseini, while Alfredo Neves could only stare in silence, knowing that if his club lost they would be facing a very difficult battle to qualify for the Cup.

Not about to give up, however, the other half time substitute, Assis, was a sensational spark in Cafundeu's one or two chances on goal in the next twenty minutes. In the 69th minute, Cafundeu casually and calmly worked their way up the pitch with some very simple passes. With Heitor finding room for a turnaround shot from 14 yards out on the left, Fahifa had to make a brilliant save. The rebound fell straight to the feet of Tales, however, and it looked as if he would take a shot from about 19 yards on the right, but instead he attempted a short cross to the top of the 6-yard box. Ruburirin was present to head it out, but he played a truly lame volley up for Assis to run in a blast a volley that Fahifa had absolutely no chance of saving. Two one Western Afghanistan.

However, three minutes later Western Afghanistan found a quick break down the left touchline, with Zuneh leaving Leo Mattos in the dust. Cafundeu knew they were short numbers at the back, as they had thrown all of their mids forward to try and find an equaliser. Even with every man in red and black tearing back to try and help out Junior, Zuneh's easy cross found the head of lone striker Izi Muhammad, who flicked a neatly positioned ball into the bottom corner, sealing the deal. Three one Western Afghanistan.

The final minutes of the game were marred by a nasty fistfight between a frustrated Renario and a heavy-handed Rushenaqud. Both men were promptly sent off.

Cafundeu 1-3 Western Afghanistan

Venue: Presidio (Carandiru City, Cafundeu)
Attendance: 75,000
Referee: Garth Valxen (Wentland)
MOTM: Izi Muhammad (Western Afghanistan)

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/cafundeu.bmp Cafundeu: Junior; Leo Mattos, Andre Luis, Alemão, and Eduardo Monte (Falcus '77); Anormal, Barbosa (Assis ’46), and Dario; Tales, Heitor, and Flecha (Renario '45)

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/Western%20Afghanistan%20BoF.bmp Western Afghanistan: Fahifa; Inu, Ruburirin, and Zuneh (Rushenaqud '82); Qer, M.Z. Muhammad, Huzish, Nukhadufil, and I. Muhammad; Ena (Zushe '46) and Rushufi (M.I. Muhammad '15)

Goals:
CAF: Assis '69
WAF: M.I. Muhammad '19 and '72, Zushe '48

Next Match:
Western Afghanistan - Az-cz
Q'an Coliseum; Herat, Western Afghanistan
Lineup: Fahifa; Inu, Ruburirin, Zushe, and Zuneh; Qer, M.Z Muhammad, Huzish, Nukhadufil, and I. Muhammad; M.I. Muhammad
Referee: Victor Lepage (Oliverry)

Khuhekhezal Muhammad, speaking with the press after the Cafundeu loss, discussed the upcoming match against Az-cz:

"Wow. Just... wow," said Muhammad, wearing a "Don't Come Back" T-shirt that team jokester Zuled Muhammad had apparently given him. "I am really, really, pleased to be sitting here talking about winning a game, and I think I speak for all 23 guys on my side. But I guess, while I admit that I am thrilled to have grabbed this result, it's my job to sort of reign in the joy a little bit and remind everybody what we have next.

"We'll be playing Az-cz, who soundly beat us last time. Not only that, we're playing them after what happened at the Cemetary, with one of our fans making an idiot of himself by getting arrested. I doubt they've forgotten about that, and there is absolutely no doubt that they will be coming to play. I don't know if we'll be able to pull a win like we did today, but I want to make damn sure that we try.

"Further, I don't want to start celebrating too much because in the back of my mind I know that today we lost our best player to a scary-looking concussion. I would not count on him being available against Az-cz, despite what people are saying about the injury not being to serious. And if he isn't available (and he won't be until I get complete confirmation from his personal doctors that he's fit), you can expect to see Izi Muhammad starting.

"Yes, yes. Izi Muhammad will be starting. In fact, I'm tweaking our formation. We seemed to play very very well today in the 4-5-1. I've always wondered in the back of my mind if we wouldn't be better suited with an extra guy at the back, just to help Khilen out. Who knows if it will work, but if we lose, we lose; we're going to be playing against what may very be the best team in the world.

"He is an interesting story, isn't he? I remember when I brought him to the Baptism of Frost, everyone told me that it was a bad decision. And yes, I admit, he has seen action only as a substitute this year with Sagaye, who have been using a 4-5-1, but I have always believed that this kid is top notch, and I don't mean to say I told you so, but there you go. He grabbed a double today and he'll be starting against Az-cz."

MD OPPONENT RESULT
1 at Patusan L, 2-3
2 FMJPHOENIX L, 0-1
3 CAFUNDEU L, 0-1
4 at Az-cz L, 0-2
5 at Swilatia L, 1-4
F at Capitalizt SLANI L, 2-3
6 PATUSAN W, 1-0
7 at Fmjphoenix L, 0-4
8 at Cafundeu W, 3-1
9 AZ-CZ
10 SWILATIA

Western Afghanistan’s World Cup Qualifying Goalscorers
M.I. Muhammad 2
I. Muhammad 1
Nukhadufil 1
Ruburirin 1
Rushufi 1
Zushe 1

"Oh no!"

"Oh no!"

"Oh YEH!"

"What are you doing here kool-aid guy? GET OUT NOW!"

"Ok"

"Anyway on to the point, we're in second place, we lost again and we might not qualify"

"This is bad, really really bad"

"There is only one thing to do"

"What?"

"Pray"

"Who do we play next?"

"Good question let me check"

"Vilita then Atheistic Right"

"RIGHT NOW! As we suck?! Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no"

"Yeh this is bad we must pray"

"You ready?"

"No"

"Well first let us get a rubber chicken"

"Yeh"

*3 minutes later*

"Good ok now you ready?"

"Yes"

"Oh Margaret may you help us qualify for the World Cup, we realize we have been bad and have disrespected you but now we ask you humbly in your infinite power to help us qualify for the World Cup"

"We beseech you this rubber chicken in order that you may eat it, we shall not only sacrifice it but burn it so that it's wonderful scent, taste, and smell can come to you in it's fullest form"

*Burns the chicken and watches the flames go up*

"Oh thank you Margaret for listening to our prayers may they help you fully understand everything"

And now for something completely different... An interview with Milchamian national team coach Damian Hill

"How does it feel to be the last living Casaran?"

"Oh they still exist here and there you just need to look in the bush not around the bush"

"Why did you become coach of Milchama?"

"For the food"

"What?"

"Food tastes good, money buys food, I get food"

"Then why not take any other coaching job"

"I could talk about international conspiracies, talk to horses, meet James Ensor, pray to Margaret, meet Douglas Jefferey, live in a kibbutz, cheat legally what else do you want?"

"Wait you cheat?"

"No" *winks*

"Ok then, how good is Belmowitz?"

"He is the Jewish Alan Belmore, in other words he will be better than Floren"

"Has Floren scored a goal this campaign?"

"Not yet, although apparently he's being teleported in our next match"

"ok then"

And now for something completely different... A man on a horse.

"Hi horse"

The end.

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 35 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião
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SHAME IN PRESÍDIO, ALFREDO PAYS THE PRICE

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Confusion after fight between players of both teams

The game in Carandirú City was very important to Cafundéu, as a victory could put the team pretty close to the playoff spot. But, after an unispired day, Cafundéu lost the game at home against Western Afghanistan, and must win the last two games to get the playoff spot. The game had some good moments, with many attacks, and poor moments, with simply no play creation. In the end, the determination of the visitors made them earn the victory.

After the game, the players of Cafundéu had to leave the game in a police car, to avoid the fans’ anger. The coach Alfredo Neves was fired before leaving the stadium, and the CCFM already announced the name of the new coach: Caio Meback. But Meback will stay in the team only until the end of the World Cup or the Cup of Harmony. Meback’s mission is short but difficult: defeat both Patusan and Fmjphoenix, as Swilatia probably will lost points against one of its opponents.

THE GAME

The confusion started minutes before the beginning of the game: the CCFM won in the international sport court the right to use the striker Renário (who was suspended) in the second half, and some Western Afghanistan football directors complained. But they couldn’t do nothing, and the decision of the court was respected. Renário was able to enter in the second half. After the short confusion, the game started, and Cafundéu showed no motivation, missing many passes in the midfield.

Western Afghanistan noticed the bad start of the Monopolists and took control of the game. In one play, Júnior crashed with Rushufi, and the attacker had to leave the field. Luckily for Western Afghanistan, his substitute was in a great day, and participied in many goal chances. Finally, before the twentieth minute, he invaded the area after dribbling Léo Mattos and shot with strength to score the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Barrrrrbosa wasn’t marrrrrking Izi Muhammad, and he rrrrreceived the ball with frrrrree space. Rrrrruns to the attack, drrrrribbles Léo Mattos, invades the arrrrrea, what is Cafundéu’s defense doing? He will shoot, no one comes to trrrrry to take the ball... and it’s a goal. Goal for Westerrrrrn Afghanistan! Izi Muhammad! Westerrrrrn Afghanistan one, Cafundéu zero! Wants to know morrrrre about sporrrrrts! Rrrrread Olho no Lance, your sporrrrrs magazine!”

The criminals in the stadium started to complain about the boring game. Few chances and a poor performance by the home team worried most of the supporters and the coach Alfredo Neves (as he would be fired). Cafundéu even tried to score in the last minute of the first half with Dário, who received the ball alone inside the area and shot, but the ball went over the bar.

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Alfredo laments bad game: he was fired

For the second half, Alfredo did the predictable, putting Assis and Renário in the game. But these changes didn’t change the game, and Western Afghanistan took advantage of Cafundéu’s defensive mistakes to score again. After a corner kick, Júnior left the goal badly and Zushe had no difficulties to score the goal, and put the Monopolists in a bad situation in the game. The opponents were playing well.

Cafundéu even scored a goal, after some attempts. Tales got the rebound after Heitor’s shot was saved. He sent the ball to the area, and Assis was able to score after the defender missed the ball. The goal gave some hopes to the supporters, although it seemed difficult to see the team winning, as its performance wasn’t good at that point. Read Breno Gavião:

“...uh? Oh, yes, Cafundéu’s attacking, what a mirrrrracle. Thanks for warrrrrning me. Herrrrre comes Heitor, he shoots... and Fahifa saves. Tales gets the rrrrrebound, looks to the arrrrrea and crrrrrosses the ball. Therrrrre is a confusion inside the arrrrrea, the defender misses the ball... incrrrrredible, look at the goal, Assis! GOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Assis, number seventeen! Westerrrrrn Afghanistan two, Cafundéu one!”

Three minutes later, the visitors scored again. Izi Muhammad didn’t have much opponents to beat in the attack, as Cafundéu was attacking with many players. So, he could score another goal easily. Renário also missed a spectacular chance minutes after, as the defender saved the ball over the line. With four minutes remaining for the end of the game, Renário was fouled by Rushenaqud. He replied with a kick in the defender’s ankle, who replied with a punch. The fight begun, and many players got involved. After showing the red card to the players, the referee ended the game before the forty-third minute of the second half.

AFTER THE GAME

The coach Alfredo Neves didn’t give interviews. Instead, the director of football of the CCFM, Erasmo Carlos Jowenguard, talked to the reporters: “After this game, we have to announce that Mr. Neves is fired from his job as the coach of the National Team. He won’t continue with us, and the new coach is Caio Meback, although he won’t stay with us when the National League begins.”

Barbosa said: “No comments, please, I must avoid the fans.” The same thing happened with Léo Mattos, who said: “Sorry, I must go to the car.” The attacker Renário, involved in a fight in the ending of the game, was suspended for two games. Now, Cafundéu must win the games against Patusan and Fmjphoenix to win the playoff spot.

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Renário loses an incredible goal

CAFUNDÉU 1x3 WESTERN AFGHANISTAN

Place: Presídio, in Carandirú City.
Attendance: 75,000 people.
Referee: Garth Valxen (Wentland).
MOTM: Izi Muhammad (Western Afghanistan).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Júnior; Léo Mattos, André Luis, Alemão, and Eduardo Monte (Falcus 77’); Anormal, Barbosa (Assis 45’) and Dário; Tales, Heitor and Flecha (Renário 45’).
Coach: Alfredo Neves.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/western_afghanistan.png WESTERN AFGHANISTAN: Fahifa, Inu, Ruburirin and Zuneh (Rushenaqud 82’); Qer, M.Z. Muhammad, Huzish, Nukhadufil and I. Muhammad; Ena (Zushe 46’) and Rushufi (M.I. Muhammad 15’).
Coach: Khuhekhezal Muhammad.

Goals:CAF: Assis 69’.
WAF: M.I. Muhammad 19’/72’ , Zushe 48’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Patusan: Matogrosso, Léo Mattos, André Luís, Becão and Eduardo Monte; Anormal, Nego Guerreiro, Falcus and Dário; Tales and Heitor.
Coach: Caio Meback.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Lina Jamal (Assegai Developments).

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Goalscorers after 8 games:

4- Anormal and Heitor
3- Tales and Renário
1- Becão, Léo Mattos, Flecha and Assis

http://img517.imageshack.us/img517/7103/asdxo8.jpg
Here is Professor Aline Felipo

BE CALM NEWSPAPER - PLAYER OF THE DAY
EDITION 9: PROFESSOR ALINE FELIPO (#7)

After a bad result today, we will go to our player of the day. Today we'll talk about Professor Aline Felipo, wife of Landau Institute's president Doctor Rogério Landau. She is good at dribbling and has much strength, so her crosses and long passes help the team a lot too.

Aline was born in Insanis, and lived all her life there. Already married and already a doctor, she helped his husband to create the Landau Institute, and worked as one of the most important leaders of the Institute. She also teaches young medics.

She became a professor last year, and that decision was well accepted. Now, she doesn't treat the patients, only taking care of the administration of the Institute. But when she was helping the patients, she was considered the best psychiatrist of the place.

Disappointment

Squornshelous was unable to pull away against Cravan, a team who held the Pschychoes to a close 1-0 victory in the first half of qualifying. The red and black looked very sloppy and distracted during the match, while Cravan was focused and clean. Squornshelous would have lost the match if not for the large class discrepancy. The Pschychoes were able to score on superb play by individuals, but could not seem to find the same sort of cooperative play that led them to such huge wins in our last matches. Emil Jalmari was once again Squornshelous' most valuable player, converting a free kick opportunity, and his fellow midfielder Arman Latvala brought the ball down after an incomplete clearance from a corner and scored through a crowd.

This result, coupled with a win by Acapais, puts the Pschychoes seven points out of first with only two matches to play in qualifying. The best we can do is finish in the second automatic qualifying spot. At worst, we will enter the playoff with the other third place teams. Our team will get a brief respite from playing qualifying matches, although the match will hardly be easier. The team is gearing up for a friendly against third ranked Az-cz. It should turn out to be a great match if the Pschychoes manage to get on form in time.

Final Score: Squornshelous 2-2 Cravan

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Jalmari: 6
Hermanni: 3
Svoboda: 3
Latvala: 3
Polakov: 1

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
MD 1: The Islands of Qutar 0-0 Squornshelous
MD 2: Unknown Suburbia 0-0 Squornshelous
MD 3: Cravan 0-1 Squornshelous
MD 4: Squornshelous 1-2 Acapais
MD 5: Turori 1-2 Squornshelous
MD 6: Squornshelous 6-2 The Islands of Qutar
MD 7: Squornshelous 4-1 Unknown Suburbia
MD 8: Squornshelous 2-2 Cravan
Friendly: Squornshelous vs. Az-cz
MD 9: Acapais vs. Squornshelous
MD 10: Squornshelous vs. Turori

Squorn - Az-cz result can be found here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12752824&postcount=299)

OOC: If anyone decides to report on this, please report as if you only know the events from the news bulletin at the bottom of the rp – thanks.

---FA Headquarters, Heartwick House, Fort Boston---

A meeting of the board of the FA is taking place, with Kelly Firth, and her assistant manager, Adelie Reage also in attendance.

[Freimark] Kelly, Susie, let me introduce you to the other board members. I am of course Jeffrey Freimark, President of the BFA, second only to the Emperor. To my rear is Sally Whitmarsh, secretary, she’ll be taking notes. To my right, Sam Birchall, and Gary Walsh, then to my left Francis Peters, Christopher Matthews and Harold Griffith.

Right, Sally, please note we have apologies from Fredrick Hall and Lyle Walsh.

[Walsh] Ah, yes, on Lyle, he was taken into hospital suffering from mild pneumonia. He should be alright though.

[Freimark] Thank you Gary. Sally, please send a basket of fruit and a ham to Lyle.

Sally nodded in approval.

[Freimark] Right then, down to business. Point one is Bostopia’s World Cup qualification campaign. I see we’ve slipped out of the playoff places on goal difference?

[Firth] That’s right. If we had beaten Sativaville we’d have been three points clear with two games to go.

[Freimark] Yes. Well, I think it’s clear what the problem is.

Both Firth and Reage held their breaths.

[Freimark] The death of Brian Marne has obviously had an effect on the team, they’re all still jolly young boys.

The rest of the board nodded in approval, but Kelly banged her fist on the table, stunning the older members.

[Firth] It’s not the death of Marne, both me and Addy both know it. The team’s just underperforming, and frankly, it’s a load of rubbish.

[Freimark] What’re you suggesting?

It was Addy’s turn to speak up.

[Reage] Dude, the team needs to pick up their act. I try giving them a talking to, but they don’t respond and using Marne’s death is NOT the way to go forward.

[Birchall] Sorry, remind me, why were you picked as Assistant?

[Reage] I went to school with Kelly.

[Birchall] Ah. Another Fenton native. That would explain the lack of clothing.

[Reage] Um…yeah.

Addy winked at Mr.Birchall. It was a good thing his wife weren’t there, though he was glad he was sat behind a desk.

[Firth] Addy’s right. The players aren’t performing, and it’s no-ones’s fault but their own.

[Freimark] What do you suggest?

[Firth] Scare tactics, that’s the only thing for it, frankly.

The meeting closed an hour and a half later

---Channel 9 Studios, Fort Boston, Fort Boston---

[Parriff] Welcome back to the show, and now onto sports. The Football Association has today announced that the team’s entry into qualification for World Cup 36 is to come under review, and that entries into subsequent tournaments were currently regarded as “uncertain”. They have stated however that this picture could change dramatically before the entries for qualification to World Cup 37 were opened.

And in our next sports story, the Rugball season kicked off today with defending Division 1 champions Squigg getting off to a good start, beating Pinton United 26 to 7. For more on the Rugball, we can cross to Danny Reame who’s in Squigg.

It was a long day of Leon Green, After the adulation of taking 2nd place in the group it looked like they where destined to finish in third place, next up they faced Milchama the leading team in the group and after that Spruitland... Anything could happen it was pratically 33/33/33 for loss, draw, win. He was nervous things could easily fall into place or totally fall apart it all mattered upon the last day, a draw or a win there would secure their play-off spot but his eyes where firmly fixed on the most prized possetion an auto-qualification spot. The target Milchama.

The win over Kampfers was expected but teams are struggling to score away goals. It was about this time with his random ponderings that in the distance an explostion happened..

"What the?"

he exclaimed, normally he wouldn't be surprised but that sounded as if it came from the stadium, he didn't Authorise anything like that to occur at the Stadium and it was his turf. How dare who ever it was that did it do that.

He stormed out of the office entered his armoured and weapon mounted car and drove quickly dodging around accidents and shells of destroyed cars on his rushed way to the Stadium...

Nothing was destroyed, thank Darwin but someone had violoated his territory and whoever it was... was going to pay the price. The attack had all the hallmarks of idiots... which meant followers of the old regime. Gah..

He hated the Great Lion and his followers with a passion, he started going over the security to see if he could identify someone, anyone that stood out, no one did until he caught a glimpse of a security acting strange... he paused it and zoomed in on the guard...

He knew him, the guard was one that he had frequently involved in secret dealings and if he was actually in kahoots with the Great Lion then all that Atheistic Right had become would be undone... And this was something that he could not let happen.

Kiryu-shi Wins at Delesa; Remains in Fourth Place

By Michio Hibbert

Delesa Following the disappointing one nil loss against Errinundera, Kiryu-shi just managed to squeak by Delesa one-nil, in a disappointing game. At times, the match just barely resembled football, as the players stubbed the ball mindlessly around the midfield. They were fortunate to come away with the win, and will need to improve their play if they hope to succeed in their final two matches and make it into the top three of their group. They maintained their fourth place spot once again, but are still only three points away from the top spot in group one.

____The match started off slowly for both teams, as neither side looked as if they were capable of moving the ball with any skill or consistency. The midfield for Kiryu-shi, Iverson and Mayberry specifically, looked completely out of their game as they looked too slow to keep up with the pace. Both Iverson and Mayberry had been performing at a high level throughout qualifications, and their struggles, which lasted throughout the entire match, until they were both taken out, is very worrisome. Delesa didn’t look much better, as they could not capitalize on very poor play, missing several good opportunities. Delesa, who got off to the surprisingly good start, has struggled significantly since the first couple of matches. Kiryu-shi finally got good play from Sidney Hendrickson to provide them with their first good chance in the 31st minute. He made a move up the left side, finding empty space. However, his long distance shot was a little too weak, and it was easily gathered up by the Delesa keeper, Javier Topper. Kiryu-shi didn’t manage any real offense during the first half.

____The second half was much luckier for Kiryu-shi. In the 51st minute, a bad clearance by a Delesa defender, Jason Clare, led to a corner kick from the right side. Mayberry’s kick was offline, but a Delesa midfielder, Norbert Tison, misjudged the ball and failed to clear it, instead knocking the ball strait up into the air. Topper abandoned the net to try and catch the ball before a Kiryu-shi attacker could get to it, but Garret McGee headed the ball into the net before the keeper could reach it. Kiryu-shi and Delesa then returned to aimlessly kicking the ball around, akin to drunken five year olds struggling to maintain enough coordination to walk around. The match ended, thankfully, before anyone got hurt.

____Kiryu-shi can look forward to playing better against Qazox and Wentland in the final two matches of qualification. These matches, against the second and third place teams, will determine if Kiryu-shi will finish with a better result than they did the last time around. If they win both matches, they will finish in second place. However, they face the hardest remaining schedule out of any of the top four teams, and they might need to win both matches if they want to finish in the top three. Errinundera face the two bottoms teams in the group, who they beat by a combined 19 to three in the first two matches. Qazox faces Delesa for their last match, while Wentland takes on Tolvarus next. Kiryu-shi will play against Qazox at home. They lost their first match up against Qazox three-two, in one of their best overall matches of qualification. They will hopefully get rebound performances by Mayberry and Iverson and take the win in front of their home fans, and hope that either Wentland or Errinundera, or both, are upset in their matches.

Dazza's Blog 2007-06-11

Hello DazManiacs, it's Dazza here. I can't wait to get into my new holiday house. I'm just arranging all the legal paperwork so I don't thrown out of the country for being an illegal immigrant. And I'm hiring people to take care of the place while I'm away. This takes time but the end of the World Cup is a long way away so I should be ready by then.

I noticed from my agent down there that there's no rich people, only in West Ariddia so I guess I have fly to West Ariddia for my shopping fixes. At the moment, I'm getting people to clean up the garden so I don't have strange things growing in it. The pest control people also got called in case some weird things want live on there with me.

My daughter is teaching my husband French - yes, Kate Dallas can speak better French than my husband. He's learning but it's slow progress. Ariddians don't speak German so he must learn French. Oddly, the first word he did learn was the French for "My wife is naked".

Ariddians - I will have a house-warming party as soon as I get the place all ready for habitation. I can't invite everyone because it's not the biggest place in Ariddia although it's big by Ariddian standards. I'm limiting it to the neigbours, the usual goverment officials and all the Ariddian football people down there.

Jeruselem is lovely but it's so damn hot sometimes. So a bit of time in Ariddia too cool down is good for my family.

Love Dazza
XXX

Matchday 9 RP Cutoff

..:: BazaClans World Cup 35 Matchday 9 Scores Here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12755956&postcount=9) ::..

(ooc: :p to the early cut-off for MD9, or the late Cut-off for MD8...)

Back in the present/past/future:

ROCKPORT WORLD NEWS, Channel 7

In a stunning development, the Cascade has stopped once again, this time about 50 miles west of here. Scientists are unsure as to the reason, but any change , this one for the better, is good news at this crucial point. The Cascade could start growing again, but for now, the eastern quarter of Qazox has a bit more time to breathe. More updates as they happen

<Skip ahead to sports>

Qazox yesterday, behind a Yancy Fry 72nd minute goal, moved back into 2nd place in Group 1. With 2 more matches left, it will come down to the wire as the top 4 teams in the group are all within 3 points of each other. Up next is Kiryu-shi. A win will clinch at least a play-off spot for Qazox, and depending on the results of the other games, could clinch a World Cup Berth as well.

An a quick late update from Kiryu-shi, Qazox has drawn 0-0 with the hosts, and they still stay in 2nd place due to Wentland's surprising draw with Tolvarus. So the final match is at home against Delsea, and a win will put Qazox into the Cup proper. Wentland and Kiryu-shi face each other on the last day as well. Kiryu-shi needs to win or else they are eliminated, while Wentland can only qualify with a win if we lose or draw. If Wentland and Kiryu-shi draw, they are both eliminated with a Qazox win. Errinundera, thanks to their win today, has qualifed for the cup itself. So a very interesting final day in Group 1

And now back to the future/present/past:
YEAR 3421 Day 295
PLACE Fromburg, The Epicenter of the Cascade.
TIME 0909 STANDARD

"Here goes nothing.." Kyle said as the device began to hum and shine brightly...

<Insert Time-travel thing here>

...The three found themselves in Fromburg, and it was still standing. Kyle went over to a newspaper stand and took at look at the date

"June 10th, 1911?? We came back too far, it's 10 years too early.. Wait. I remember this day, my ex-wife is going to find the device in a cave outside of this city today, but I can't remember when. " Kyle said.

"Well, do you know where this place is?" La-Yo and Snake said, almot simultaneously.

"Yes, but if she's found COBALT by now, it maybe too late, she might be back in her lab. And Later tonight she's going to begin testing on it and that ... I had to kill her, but it was too late, she had already started the power transfer into the device." Kyle said. "So we either have to beat her to the cave or stop her from beginning her experiments. Either way we have less than 12 hours to prevent COBALT from beign activated, and then we have to destroy it."

Wyld Stallyns
WORLD CUP 35 SHOW

Ted: I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan

Bill: And I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire

Together: And We're Wyld Stallyns!!

Ted: The Potheads are still alive for a playoff berth, and in fact lead it after the last two matches.

Bill: Yes, these last two matches were so good, we had to bump our surprise guest to the next show!

Ted: Well 3 days ago, A 1-0 Win over Bostopia, moved the team into a 3-way tie for the playoff berth. A goal by Lonnie Dejohn in the 77th minute proved to be the game winner.

Bill: And just yesterday, a shocking 3-1 win at Quakmybush! Spearheaded by 2 goals from Lonnie Dejohn, int he 30th and 37th minutes gave us a 2-0 lead at the half. But a goal by Quak's Cory Sorley made it 2-1 just 3 minutes into the second half.

Ted: But a late stunning goal off a corner kick by little used sub, Fernando Reif made it 3-1 in the 86th minute. And the team held on for the victory!

Bill: Which sets up the final day like this: We host Daughrty. Since we have a better GD than UIE, who is tied with us, A win should see us through, unless UIE wins by 4 more goals that we win by.

Ted: True, but UIE is going to be playing Quakmybush, which may be too tough to over come.

Bill: Let's not forget about Bostopia, even though they play Bettia. A win there, plus if we lose by 3 to Daughtry and if UIE loses by 2 or more, will see Bostopia through.

Ted: So basically it's this: We win, we're in. IF we lose, we're in if Bostopia wins by only a goal or 2 or just loses and we lose by 1 or 2, and if UIE loses. If we draw and UIE draws or loses, we're in.

Bill: This is the closest Sativaville has ever been to the World Cup and the stadium is sold-out forthe first time in years.

Ted: So come on and root for the Potheads! That's all for now.

Bill: So Be Excellent to each other Sativaville, Wyld Stallyns Out!

Debbie Dallas and Jeruselem armed forces officer ...

Debbie: I can't do anything with this team. I don't what Dazza Dallas did to get them 4th in that Oxen cup but there were just not good enough to win a game. Two draws and they worked us out after that.
Officer: Don't worry, it's not your fault the team is terrible. I have admit we gave you the worst army people we could find and called them a football team.

Debbie: Dazza did say the team was made up off the worst of the worst. I guess the only way that seems to work is flash your tits at them, but I'm not Dazza Dallas.
Officer: Look, if the team don't win a game - it's nothing to with you. We got a tough draw and well, even Jariss - the 2nd worst team in the group are good. So don't worry about looking like an idiot. It's team which is the problem here.

Debbie: But what was my job then? If they weren't supposed to actually win?
Officer: An experiment to see if our boys could do something - and well two draws. We'll give you a better team next time.

Debbie: I need a drink.
Officer: Let's head to pub over there.

<Later in the day>

Dazza Dallas trying to ring her sister Debbie Dallas. Debbie is not answering her mobile ...

Dazza: Ah, where is sis!
Deux: Hey coach, what's the problem?
Dazza: I can't get hold of her. Not answering her phone. She's supposed to ring up about now.
Deux: Probably a flat battery or turned off.

Dazza: Nah, she's too lazy to turn it off. I'll try again a few hours.
Deux: What about that game of chess you promised me?
Dazza: Eh, why not. I'm gonna win again!
Deux: I beat you last time.

<Later>

Debbie: Dazza you there?
Dazza: The bike is on-line! Eh, you missed our scheduled phone call.
Debbie: Err, I did ...
Dazza: Speak up. You sound embarassed.

Debbie: Err, umm ...
Dazza: You did something naughty! I know.
Debbie: Well, yes ...
Dazza: Well, you can tell sis. She's done probably done it before.

Debbie: I had a few too many drinks with one of the army senior officers.
Dazza: This sounds good, I want hear more.
Debbie: Well, yes - I'm currently on a couch in a state off of undress ... you get the idea.
Dazza: Hey, that's my job sis. What you doing trying to imitate the Village Bike there.

Debbie: I guess I had too much to drink. This is going be all over the press now ...
Dazza: "Debbie does the army" - I like it. And it's wasn't me ... woah, way to go.
Debbie: Yeah, this isn't going to look good.
Dazza: It'll make you more popular sis. Works for me!

Debbie: Dazza, you do that for a living - not me. This is going be bad ...
Dazza: Why's that?
Debbie: There's hotel staff here with cameras. The army guy ran off pretty quickly when he realised what happened.
Dazza: Well, Debbie Dallas the wannabe bike (giggles)

Debbie: I have to go and find my clothes.

<Later>

Sticky: What was that about Dazza?
Dazza: Nothing, my sister just slept with a senior army officer on public couch.
Sticky: Sound like us (smiles)
Dazza: Yeah, but we did in private.

Sticky: Explains that army SMS I got (smiling)
Dazza: Debbie has reputation to protect, I've got one to maintain. That's the difference.
Sticky: I prefer you anyway
Dazza: You like your little bike don't ya?

Sticky: Yes, and I'd rather die than see you hurt. That's why I'm your bodyguard.
Dazza: Doing a great job too.

Amda-Mo: Nice to be able to get back into the winning column after three straight draws.

Lur-Mn: Yeah. The draw in Squornshelous was fine, but the two before that in group play at home were oughly disappointing.

Amda-Mo: Definitely we seem to have done better away from home. How did we control this game today?

Lur-Mn: I think the decision of Zax-Im's to start the starters was big.

Amda-Mo: And why do you think he did such a thing?

Lur-Mn: To guarantee that we'd get revenge against Western Afghanistan. They caused some havoc in our place but we knew it would be a bad idea to try to do so in theirs. So Zax-Im played the full compliment to get revenge for our fans.

Amda-Mo: Speaking of the fans what do you think of the pink & green toilet papered fans?

Lur-Mn: Good on them for finding a way to mock Western Afghanistan that didn't cross the line. I'll also say that I'm glad the team won't be back to a nation with such opressive laws.

Amda-Mo: How about the key in getting the defense back on track?

Lur-Mn: Hmr-Pn's early goal was huge. It allowed us to play a bit tighter defensively which helped us smother the Mummies' attack.

Amda-Mo: Well with our spot at the top of the group assured let's take a full look at the possible final day scenarios before we get to our two sets of top sixes.

Lur-Mn: Group one sees three teams battling for one direct qualification spot and one playoff spot. Qazox leads, with Wentland one and Kiryu-shi two points adrift. Qazox is through with a win or a draw and a draw in the match between Wentland and Kiryu-shi, otherwise they're headed to the playoffs. Either Wentland or Kiryu-shi should qualify directly if they win and Qazox doesn't. Wentland is also through if they draw and Qazox loses. Kiryu-shi needs to win as a base line, and with Qazox not winning for direct qualification. I think the two experienced teams will rise up and find wins, sending Qazox to the proper and Wentland to the playoffs.

Amda-Mo: Our group is just two teams battling for a playoff spot. Cafundeu hosts Fmjphoenix and Swilatia, who trails by a point, heads to Western Afghanistan. Cafundeu just needs to earn as good of a result as Swilatia to get through to the playoffs. I expect they will, but it'll be exciting as really anything could happen.

Lur-Mn: Group three is technically three teams battling for the 1.5 spots, like group 1, but in reality it's probably more like group two. Vilita has a three point lead and five goal differential advantage on Atheistic Right in third, so I expect them to stay in second, despite travelling to Milchama. Which leaves Atheistic Right hosting Spruitland with the playoffs on the line. Spruitland needs the win while the righters just need not too lose. I think the rabbits will use their lucky feet and get past AR into the playoffs.

Amda-Mo: Group four is the ubercraziness. Three teams our tied on sixteen points. The defending champs, Tynelia and Green Wombat. Tynelia hosts Ariddia and Green Wombat hosts Commerce Heights JSY. Ariddia is through with a draw. That's about all that's certain. If Green Wombat draws or loses, than a draw sees both of the other teams through. If they win then they are in. So all the teams control their own fate, with Ariddia being in the best shape. I don't think the champions will lose their undefeated streak, which is all they need. And I think Green Wombat will beat JSY leaving Tynelia in the playoffs.

Lur-Mn: Group five is finished so we'll head to group six, where there's another 3 for 1.5 going on. Turruth Gordur is almost certainly in the playoffs, and ought to be able to beat Jariss to hang on to the second spot. That leaves the match of Commerce Heights and Fort Europe in Commerce Heights as the match for the playoff spot. The slanis have gotten hot, earning ten points in the last four matches. Their momentum ought to carry them to the playoff spot.

Amda-Mo: Group 7 is just a question of who has to come through the playoffs. Yafor 2 is two points clear of the others although they don't have a splendid goal differential. Northern Bettia looks to be the odd man out as they are currently in third and would probably finish their even with a win, and yet have the hardest match, being the only team on the road. They'll need help from others as none of the teams play each other.

Lur-Mn: Group 8 is all tied up. Over in group 9 things are looking to be pretty organized. Bettia and Quakmybush are through. Bostopia is nominally alive, but they'd need to beat Bettia and get losses from the teams above plus goal differential. In other words, they'll have a chance to defend their Cup of Harmony title. With United Island Empires hosting Quakmybush and Sativaville hosting Daughrty it would stunning for Sativaville not to make the playoffs, as they would as long as they stay on even points or better with UIE.

Amda-Mo: Group 10 could see a change for first place, but the teams going to the finals directly and the playoffs can't. The same is true for group 11. Which leaves Rejistania and Zwangzug battling for the second direct spot from group 12. Although there's not a lot to really separate the two teams, nor their opponents I just have a hunch Zwangzug will find a better result in Ulzaxid than Rejistania will in St. Samuel, leaving the Rejistanis in the playoffs.

Lur-Mn: So looking at the playoff teams that are known and we expect here's the list of 12 teams:

Wentland, Cafundeu, Spruitland, Tynelia, Ropa-Topia, Northern Bettia, Commerce Heights, Turori, Sativaville, The Hurd, Alasdair I Frosticus, Rejistania.

Amda-Mo: Wow, what a list. Sativaville, and to a lesser extent Ropa-Topia are just far out of their element on that list. And as a segway from that we're actually reversing the order of the lists tonight as first we want to take a look at what we think the six most exciting possible playoff matchups are. And in another change of pace this is going to be larger than six, cause we're mixing the top six overall matchups and the top six matchups from our expected pool of qualifiers.

12. Schiavonia - Ariddia

This is probably better than the twelfth best possible matchup, but since I don't think there's a chance in hell of it happening it only rates twelfth. Still imagine the fireworks those two would put up.

11. Turori - Commerce Heights

Two old friends and rivals going at it. It would certainly be an interesting match. Could half of the kings of AO take down a top five side from the region?

10. Tynelia - Wentland

Two recently improving teams, who both are defensive minded teams. It might be a 0-0 penalty shootout but it would be a hard fought and well played battle none the less.

9. Schiavonia - Commerce Heights

As can be seen here, Schiavonia are one of two teams unlikely to slip to the playoffs that if they did would be incredibly intriguing. A Schiavonia - Commerce Heights battle would be offensive fireworks galore and like the Ariddia matchup listed above see a super high ranking team go down.

8. Schiavonia - Wentland

A rematch of an offense-defense battle from last cup, featuring two teams who won their other two group stage matches is only the eighth best possible matchup. Tells you something about the things that could be in the offing.

7. Cafundeu - Northern Bettia

The two best teams to come from recent Baptism of Fires. It seems quite likely that one of these teams won't make the cup, but this would guarantee it. You can bet these two nations would fight their asses of to avoid falling out of the cup.

6. Wentland - Commerce Heights

The best offense-defense showdown amongst teams we think will actually be in the playoffs. Both teams also have made the semifinals within the past two cups. So there's plenty of prestige on the line here as well.

5. Alasdair I Frosticus - Commerce Heights

A matchup of two teams who made at least the quarterfinals last cup. The number four team in the world against last cups host. Two teams with long and glorious histories squaring off with a lot to lose.

4. Rejistania - Commerce Heights

The best of the matchups amongst teams we think will be in the playoffs. The second best nation of all time, against the #4 ranked team in this cup. Both nations are former champions, Rejistania four times, and are absolutely tournament staples. To see them playing with a guaranteed one spot on the line would be incredible. And yet there are three matches possible that are better, and yes they all involve last cups host and former champions.

3. Ariddia - Alasdair I Frosticus

The first two hosts ever playing for a single trip to the proper would be big. Last cups champs versus a quarterfinalist from last cup would be even biger. The two co-hosts from last cup squaring off for one spot would be even crazier still. Roll all that together and you have just one incredible crazy matchup.

2. Ariddia - Commerce Heights

The fact that two current top four teams squaring off for a spot in the playoffs isn't the best possible matchup tells you how much strength there is floating around the teams who could drift into the playoffs.

1. Ariddia - Rejistania

In terms of current prospects maybe not the best matchup, but you'd have six cups worth of champions going at it for a single trip to the finals if these two met. Six! The only two active multiple time winners. To see those two powerhouse nations reduced to a playoff match would be just shocking.

Lur-Mn: Good lord. What's happened this cup? How can all of those teams be possible entrants into the playoffs? It's just mind boggling.

Amda-Mo: Yes. These playoffs will be exciting no matter what happens match day 10. Some high profile teams will be very disappointed.

Lur-Mn: Now let's look at our top six rankings.

6. Jeruselem

No real reason that they couldn't move up. Just a feeling that we deserved to be ahead of them based on overly harsh grading from last time. Still far and away the best second place team and considering the play of their group leader just bad luck to be drawn with such a strong opponent.

5. Az-cz

Back in the saddle, we've finished off a perfect road record. Just one more match from our second undefeated qualifying. The goal then would be to seriously improve on our performance in the proper then, when we earned just a single point.

4. Acapais

A tough loss to Squornshelous shouldn't undo all the great play they've had this cup. To put up that kind of record in that group is impressive. That final home match against Cravan will be a great chance for the home fans to celebrate.

3. Elves Security Forces

The 2-0 road win against Rejistania puts them in the cup proper for certain. Considering the dangers of the playoffs, it was very good for them to get things over with. A strong record from a strong group with a record setting performance thrown in for good measure.

2. Bettia

One of only two teams with eight wins, they have to be quite pleased with their position. I'm sure they expected more goals, especially in one of the easiest groups, but they have still established themselves as one of the biggest threats this cup.

1. Oliverry

Once again the Oliverrians reclaim the top of the list. They haven't quite left the Crusaders totally behind, but they'd have to lose by three goals or more on the final day to surrender the top spot. They've just known what buttons to push to get things done. Oliverry certainly has a sense of how to play in qualifiers and they've shown it once again this cup.

Amda-Mo: You'd have to say at this point those six, minus Acapais have to be the biggest favorites for the proper.

Lur-Mn: Yeah, but a team like Squornshelous, Demot or even the as of yet not qualified Ariddia could get dangerous. Those teams have played well but haven't proven anything yet.

Amda-Mo: Only one more night of regular qualifiers left. Lets see how the team comes out in their final match next time against Patusan. Good night.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 0-0 Jaredcohenia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/jaredcohenia.png

Ariddian coach to resign?

Ariddian coach Yves al Jahdali has neither confirmed nor denied rumours that he intends to resign following this Cup, or even following the qualifying stages. Ariddia’s performance has been dismal; the Rouge-et-Noirs have drawn more matches than they have won, which is widely considered a shockingly bad result for the defendind World Champions.

al Jahdali was once a Rouge-et-Noir himself, playing as a defender from World Cup 25 to 28. He led the team to victory in World Cup 34, then stayed on to train a team with many new players for the subsequent competition. But this time round, the Ariddians are struggling. A second draw against Jaredcohenia, this time on home ground, has proved how dire the situation is.

In fact, Jaredcohenia has lost every single one of its matches. . . except its two against Ariddia.

“We should have beaten them easily, both times,” team captain Myo They Myint said. “We didn’t. Now we’re seriously rethinking our strategies. Something here is not going quite right; there’s no sense in denying it. But none of us blame Yves.”

“When a ship is in trouble during a storm, the pilot doesn’t jump into a lifeboat and leave,” al Jahdali said, indicating that he would be staying on at the very least until the end of the qualifying stages.

Elsewhere, Errinundera qualified today by defeating Delesa 2-0. Az-cz are also in, and remain at the top of group 2. Jeruselem has qualified, as has the Archregimancy, whereas the Holy Empire has secured a playoff spot just behind its Dreamed Realm “neighbour”. Ropa-Topia will advance to the play-offs.

JARISS FREE PRESS
“A Free Press For a Free land.”

19TH LARGEST OYSTER FOUND OFF COAST

In an amazing discovery, scuba diver Hanu Saltri yesterday discovered what is being claimed as the 19th largest oyster ever found in the world 5 miles off the Jariss coast. The giant of an oyster was said to be almost a foot long and found amidst a normal population of the oyster bed. Saltri claims he almost didn’t see it at first, being so covered with barnacles and whatnot until the shell itself opened slightly to channel in some protozoa to dine on.

“I never saw anything like it.” Saltri said afterwards after showing off photographs of the oyster, which he left unmolested at the ocean floor, “ Imagine the pearl something that big could make.” When pressed on this subject he admitted he did look for a pearl through the shell’s opening but did not find any.

There is a minor controversy stirring as the former 19th largest oyster discoverer Mal Malthack claimed that Saltri’s measurements were just estimates using inaccurate measuring techniques and that this oyster could not be more than 6 or 7 inches long according to Malthack’s measurements after being sent a photo of Saltri’s find. More on this dispute as it developes.

Jariss Eliminated From Cup

In a disappointing result, Jariss’ defeat at the hands of top seed Commerce Heights officially eliminated the Spiders from having any hope of advancing to the Cup proper in their first try. Stuck at eight points the last three matches, the team finds itself four back with only one match to play. Despite the disappointing finish Coach Maru Hiniru was proud of the team’s effort.

“OF course I’m proud of this team.” Hiniru stated, “We were picked to be all but eliminated by the end of the first half of play and here we are with a chance to still hit double figures if we can beat Turruth Gordor. This will be our World Cup and the team is fired up to try and get some revenge for our first loss to them and possibly knock them out of the playoffs in the process.

“And look at our matches. Until today’s loss to Commerce Heights we had only two matches that we lost by more than 1 goal and only the first Geisenfried match was a blowout. We played three top fifty teams in a row just now and lost by one twice and 2 today. And that was to the team we went to their stadium and beat the first time around. Would I have liked to have gotten a few more wins? Sure. But considering this is Jariss’ first step up to the big time, I think we earned a lot of respect out there for our efforts even if we didn’t always win.”

Jariss looks to end their qualifiers on a positive note as they go on the road to avenge their 2-0 loss at home to Turruth Gordor. Hiniru has stated that a good showing here might gain the attention of the Cup of Harmony selection committee in what he hopes will be the next step for the team in international competition.

((ooc- desperate times call for desperate measures, and hey I’m undefeated with this one))

DWAYNE’S WORLD!

DWAYNE’S WORLD!

SOCCER TIME!

EXCELLENT!

Dwayne: Hello everyone, I’m your most excellent host Dwayne and this is my best buddy Darth and this is Dwayne’s World coming to you from my most excellent of bachelor pads in my mom’s basement. Say hello to everyone Darth.

Darth: Hello to everyone Darth <smiling somewhat cluelessly>.

Dwayne: Okay. <smiling and fidgeting on the couch>. Now this is a big time of year for Darth and my self because we’re big soccer fans right Darth?

Darth: Yeah, soccer rules.

Dwayne: And this is the world cup even and the team, that’s Tynelia of course, a most excellent place for soccer happenings, is trying to advance right Darth?

Darth: Yeah <fidgeting and almost giggling>. Soccer rules!

Dwayne: Thanks for that insightful commentary Darth.

Darth: You’re welcome Dwayne.

Dwayne: And everyone knows what Darth and I like best about soccer right? Tell’em Darth.

Darth: The soccer babes from Babelon Dwayne! <his glasses beginning to fog.>

Dwayne: That is so correct Darth. Without soccer babes like the legendary Anya Collins.

Dwayne and Darth: Schwiiing! <look at each other and smiles>

Dwayne: Why would anyone even bother watching soccer? Its like so dull when the babeistity factor is low.

Darth: Yeah, I don’t like watching without the Queens of Babelon on the pit.

Dwayne: That’s pitch Darth.

Darth: Oh yeah. <smiles at the camera some more>

Dwayne: But the team’s in trouble Darth.

Darth: Why is that Dwayne?

Dwayne: Because we have to win to make sure we go to Cup instead of trying to sneak in the back door.

Darth: Well that’s easy, we just win Dwayne.

Dwayne: Well Darth, the problem with that is that we get Arridia Darth.

<Darth immediately begins to cry>

Darth: Dwayne, how could you? <sobbing>

Dwayne: What’s wrong Darth? Why are you crying? We’re on TV you know.

Darth: <blubbering> But…but.. you just said you’re getting rid of me Dwayne. Why?

Dwayne: Get rid of you? I could never do that Dwayne’s World wouldn’t be the same without my best bud at my side.

Darth: But you said "we get rid of you Darth", just now.

Dwayne: <smiling as the truth dawns on him> No Darth that Ar-Rid-Ia, that’s the name of the team we’re playing, Arridia, no one wants to get rid of you Darth.

Darth: Really? <tears drying>

Dwayne: Really.

Darth: Oh OK. <immediately stops crying and smiles foolishly at the camera again>

Dwayne: And here’s something else to cheer you up Darth. It is with great honor that I have for us here and for all of you watching Dwayne’s World at home a very special guest to welcome tonight.

Darth: Who is it Dwayne? Is it… could it be… <fidgets at the edge of his seat in nervous excitement>

Dwayne: Well lets see some special footage of our guest before we introduce her.

Darth: You mean its…

<Darth is cut off as the clips begin>

<first image is the cover of Sports Unillustrated proclaiming Tina Conroy as Tynelia’s sexiest athlete.>

<next image shows her stretching on the field before a match>

<third image shows her running up the field in extremely slow motion>

<fourth image shows her on the sidelines during a timeout dumping a cup of water on her head>

<fifth image shows her jumping up and down on the field after scoring a goal…and is replayed in even slower motion three more times>

Dwayne: That’s right it’s the new Queen of Babelon Tina Conroy!

<Tina Conroy walks in wearing her team uniform and Dwayne and Darth immediately drop to their knees and begin bowing>

Dwayne and Darth: WE’RE NOT WORTHY! WE’RE NOT WORTHY!

Tina: Hello Dwayne, Hello Darth.

<Darth nearly passes out>

Darth: She said 'hi Darth'…

Dwayne: So she did Darth. Tina welcome to Dwayne’s World.

<Darth continues to stare in stupification at Tina from the other side of the couch, his glasses nearly fogged over>

Tina: Thanks Dwayne, this was always my favorite late night program.

Darth: She watched us on tv…<swoons and passes out on the couch>

Dwayne: Most excellent Tina. So Darth was wondering something.

Tina: <turning to Darth> oh what is it Darth?

<Darth regains consciousness and attempts to speak several times but can only make babbling noises until Dwayne bails him out>

Dwayne: What Darth wants to know is if you have anything special planned if you win today, you know like maybe <looks around coyly> something like that Brandi babe did when her team won a few years back.

Tina: What you mean throwing her top off after she scored the winning goal?

Dwayne and Darth: Schwiiing!

Dwayne: Exactamundoly Tina.

Tina: Well I don’t know. I’m not Dazza Dallas you know.

Dwayne and Darth: Schwiing!

Dwayne: Darth said it would mean a real lot to him.

Tina: <thinks it over> Well Ok but just because Darth asked.

<Darth begins to hyperventilate>

Tina: Are you OK Darth?

Darth: habba…habba….habba…

Dwayne: Oh don’t worry about Darth, he always gets this way when a babe talks to him. He has your poster on his wall so its extra exciting for him to finally see you in person. He’s your biggest fan.


Tina: Really? Darth I never knew you were such a big fan. I’m touched.

<Darth nods while gasping for air>

<voice from upstairs> : Dwayne, stop that racket down there and come to dinner!

Dwayne: Sorry Mom! <turns back to Tina> Well Tina my mom says its time to end the show so we better end it or she’ll ground me. Good luck in the match tomorrow, Darth and I will both be watching.

Tina: Thanks Dwayne, it was great being here today. <stands up and walks over to Darth> And thanks for being my biggest fan Darth <Kisses Darth on the cheek.>

<Darth faints and drops straight to the floor with a thud as Tina looks on with concern>

Dwayne: <looking down at Darth> Okay <fidgets nervously>. Don’t worry Tina, this happens all the time to him, he’ll be fine. Don’t forget your promise Tina.

Tina: Don’t worry Dwayne, I always keep my promises.

Dwayne: Sweet! Schwiiing!

<credits roll>

DWAYNE’S WORLD!

DWAYNE’S WORLD!

SOCCER TIME!

EXCELLENT!

Hi, I'm Norman Hacker and I've got a great idea!!! Now that we've fluked a win over Qazox and put ourselves in a qualifying position, why not pack the defence with basically everyone and try to bore our way through?

Yes, there is no problem at all with being more boring than a tunnel carving drill bit talking about existentialism in Swilatian. We shall march onwards without scoring a single goal ever! Defence is the new form of attack! What we have we hold! Never surrender! They shall not pass! We shall not pass! Fair shares for all! Nothing shall come of nothing! Zero tolerance for goals scored! Zero tolerance for goals conceded! Yeah!

And we have a must win game coming up so I will play for the draw! That will do us, won't it? Excellent! An honourable third place!

OK, I'm joking. I'm not Norman Hacker at all - the power of suggestion. I'm Winthrop Tuesday! Instead of the hapless Hacker let us pay tribute to a true hero, Garth Valxen. The stentorian Wentland official sent off two players in the Cafundeu - Western Afghanistan match as well as ending iit early - something that doubtless will not come as a surprise to furious Carford supporters! We know from the women's world cup final that the Caf Attack can be a bit vicious, but still...

God's Word Church

Two harlots and a cup!

What's going on with the world? Jeruselem has some whore called Dazza Dallas as the World Cup manager and coach, and she's actually Ariddian! My church dislikes Ariddians because of their rejection of God's word, and because they are Frenchie leftie pinko commies. This explains why Dazza Dallas grew up so misguided despite going to a Catholic school. People like her should be put away and replaced with more wholesome sports people like Dinkie Dosha who is far more to our liking except she's Jewish. I don't mind Dazza's sister Debbie Dallas but she's too Frenchie for me too and she's a Russian Orthodox, not of a true church like a Protestant one.

Bostopia - they've gone down the wrong track. Appointing Kelly Firth as the World Cup manager? I know Jeruselem has had women managers before Dazza Dallas but Kelly Firth for Bostopia? She's just a stupid journalist. She's worse than Dazza Dallas!

Dazza Dallas only appears naked on TV to make money while that dirty Kelly Firth does it more often than not, as habit. At least Dazza has done the Catholic thing and raised children, but that Firth is a swinging single woman. I know she and Dazza get along but that's expected for two whores.

We should stop this now. It's the centenary of the World Cup for Jeruselem and women coaches like those two should not be allowed to be there as it's God's command. They are too sinful and making a bad impression on our youth.

We should stop this nonsense of women playing football too - they should be at home with the family while the men make the money. I hate to say this but no one is listening to the true voices of God like mine, so we should take physical action to make to our demands reality. The world would be a better place without Dazza and Kelly Firth.

And one more thing - our football team is full of foreigners! Only half are really natives and the others just lousy immigrants. We have Frenchies everywhere in there, as well as a whole bunch of weird nationalities. Who needs a Qazoxian in our team? Having a priest and a Nun does not fix it either. And get rid of that pr0n star Frenchie captain too. Too many Dallas women in there as well - get rid of them too.

Peggy Sue
God's Prophet

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram

Insomnia's Cost

"1 AM Angst" is just 1 of 3 nations now in Zwangzug's broad location-but only as of half a day. Odd ratios of consonants look as common as buffalo in that nation of Starways with just 1 Z. Why this rapid immigration? Anonymous officials claim that insomnia was a major factor.

In sports, Cubs lost to Bassabook 5-4. Xhill's glimming squad won against AIU janitors 1729 to 1337. Olson had two goals as Zwangzug's national football squad won (2-0). This squad will go to Ulzaxid for its final match in qualification: it will, at minimum, go to playoff play. It's in group 12, so a matchup against group 11's third squad looks rational. Said squad is Alasdair I Frosticus'...

Turruth Gordur Press Release

From the Desk of Gorgol The Butcher Harad:

Geisenfried gave us more trouble than we expected. A defeat at home to them did not go well with our supporters. Still, it was good to see Geisenfried’s supporters scrambling in fear outside the Timorlug Dome once the game was over.

But, enough of that. Our victory over those weaklings of Jeru FC got us back on track. All we need now is a victory against the whelps of Jariss. Seriously...do they think they have a chance? After we beat them to a pulp in our first match, now they want to come into our Timorlug Dome and beat us? I laugh and spit in their general direction! They can plan and hope and, in the end, it will mean NOTHING. Jariss will never want to play in Turruth Gordur again. They have no idea of the horrors that await them and their supporters. We will squash Jariss like the insects that they are. Then, we will smear their remains across the field! We are so close to advancing to the World Cup. We are so close now to injecting the World Cup with the darkness that is Turruth Gordur!

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png [44] Turruth Gordur =V= Jariss [UR] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/jeru_fc.png
Venue: Timorlug Dome (Capacity: 80,000) | Timorlug, Turruth Gordur

(OOC: Happy Birthday, Az-cz!)

WKTV Presents: Half-Assed Jackson

http://www.vibe.com/music/next/images/2005/07/050713_rich_boy.jpg
Darius Half-Assed Jackson

"Hey what's up DAWG?! Yo man in spite of a difficult two nil loss today I got a true gangsta in the studio wit me. Please welcome my most distinguished guest and official president of the Avalanche of Mummies Supporters Group, Ali Nuluqe!

<Ali Nuluqe enters the set, carrying a burning Az-cz flag>

“Dawg, what the hell is that?”

“Hey Half-Assed Jackson, glad to be on your show!” <He begins to wave the flag back and forth>

“It’s Darius, and s$%t, dawg, you gon’ start the whole damn studio on fire, what the hell is you thinking?”

“I’m making a statement, Half-Assed Jackson!”

“Darius, please. Man, I don’t care about yo stupid-ass statement, you gon’ start my hat on fire! I paid 3,500 aoajs for this hat, man!”

“WHO CARES, AZ-CZ SUCKS!”

“Dawg, god damn it, I done told you you can’t come on here being all immature and s$&t. You got in trouble last time, aight, just cool it. And put that god damn flag out!”

“No way, Half-Assed Jackson!”

<Ashtray Al enters, lights five cigarettes at once with burning flag>

“Aight that is it! Jose Ramon, put that f#^kin fire out!”

<Jose Ramon enters with fire hose, knocks Ali Nuluqe off his seat, and emphatically puts out fire>

“Good, now we done wit dat s#%t. Man, why you have to come in here, f#%kin up my show, boy?”

“Ow…”

“Dawg, I asked you a question!”

“Yeah, sorry. I just wanted to get back at Az-cz for making fun of our costumes.”

“What, the pink and green toilet paper? Yo dawg, I thought that was pretty clever, dawg; maybe they’ll realize it be the coolest way of expressing your team spirit and start doin it theyselves.”

“Yeah well what about what their announcers saying about us having oppressive laws.”

<Pause>

“Dawg, the government organizes all marriages in this country. Plus if you cheat on yo spouse you get stoned to death, and that’s pretty-“

<The show is cut off by West Afghan government sensors.>

Western Afghanistan 0-2 Az-cz

Venue: Q’an Coliseum (Herat, Western Afghanistan)
Attendance: 70,000
Referee: Victor Lepage
MOTM: Hmr-Pn (Az-cz)

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/Western%20Afghanistan%20BoF.bmp Western Afghanistan: Fahifa; Inu, Ruburirin, Zushe (Ena ’46) and Zuneh; Qer, M.Z. Muhammad, Huzish (Zekhesha ’65), Nukhadufil (Hirir ’54), and I. Muhammad; M.I. Muhammad

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/Az-cz.bmp Az-cz: Gn-Lg; Nerazurri, Haji-Me, and Ca-Fu; Pizelkaxrovsky, Kn-Dg, Levesque, Shockey, Ip-Gp, Chung, and Hmr-Pn

Goals:
WAF: none
A-C: Hmr-Pn ‘5, Pizelkaxrovsky ‘71

Next Match:
Western Afghanistan - Swilatia
Q'an Coliseum; Herat, Western Afghanistan
Lineup: Fahifa; Inu, Ruburirin, Zushe, and Zuneh; Qer, M.Z. Muhammad, Huzish, Nukhadufil, and I. Muhammad; Rushufi
Referee: Jerome Sivasubramanian (Schiavonia)

MD OPPONENT RESULT
1 at Patusan L, 2-3
2 FMJPHOENIX L, 0-1
3 CAFUNDEU L, 0-1
4 at Az-cz L, 0-2
5 at Swilatia L, 1-4
F at Capitalizt SLANI L, 2-3
6 PATUSAN W, 1-0
7 at Fmjphoenix L, 0-4
8 at Cafundeu W, 3-1
9 AZ-CZ L, 0-2
10 SWILATIA

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune/
AEROPAG, JI · 0.10 g Au · 153–02–21
Buy five shares of the proposed World Cup 36 final venue and get a free UCS/‹censored by the WCC› WC36 mug!

World Cup: Ticket prices soar for Marchese Stadium opening, Bolúfero prepares team for crucial match
SONOMA CITY, BD—Capitalizt SLANI manager Alejandro Bolúfero has taken Capitalizt football to new heights—but not in the way many had expected. Rather than a repeat of the confident performances by the men in black during the earlier stages of World Cup 34 in Ariddia, they have struggled through World Cup 35 qualifying. Instead of setting a record for the best qualifying performance by the Capitalizts, the team’s current “do-or-die” situation has set a record for the highest price paid for a sports ticket anywhere in Paripana, and possibly the world.

Carlos Wilson, a PariMedia executive residing in the International City, won an iBay auction yesterday for two tickets to the Capitalizts’ final match of World Cup 35 qualifying (aside from the playoffs) against Fort Europe at the recently-completed Esther Marchese Memorial Stadium in Sonoma City. The winning bid? Five hundred kilograms of gold.

Speaking to an Aeropag Chronicle reporter, he explained. “The entire future of Capitalizt football is at stake in Sonoma City tomorrow. If SLANI loses, they fail to qualify for the World Cup for the first time since their first attempt in World Cup 25. The CHEAT Alliance has poured one hundred thousand times as much as what I spent into making Capitalizt SLANI what it is today, one of the great powers of international football. All of that could fall apart tomorrow. What’s a bit of money compared to being there to cheer them on, to help them clear this hurdle?”

Théophile Regnier, an Eauzian expatriate and one of the prominent members of the Val d’Argent commune in northwestern Chorion, laughed at the incident. “If Mr Wilson and the others of his kind had the sense to join the revolution instead of exploiting the proletariat of these so-called Capitalizt States and wasting his filthy money on football matches, things like this wouldn’t happen. Do you have any idea how much food you can get with five hundred kilos of gold? Is it not murder to throw away that money while children starve in Rejistania?”

When interviewed, Alejandro Bolúfero seemend to block out the hype completely. “Right now, I’m concerned about getting my team ready for this match, and nothing else. If you want to talk about morality or whatever, it can wait until after we’ve qualified for the World Cup.”

Mikaela Eyre fixes her hair a bit and approaches Assegai Developments Manager Zacharius, whose expression is that of focused anger. Zacharius is standing on a knoll overlooking a football training facility. He turns to face her and unfolds his arms.

“Good afternoon, Assegai Developments. This is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from the Assegai Developments National Team Training Facility in Capri, Elves Security Forces,” she says. “I am here with team manager Zacharius, who made the decision to bring his team to E.S.F. as they prepare for their last match of qualifying.”

Zacharius, who is wearing dark aviator shades, nods. He looks pissed.

“We haven’t talked since the Clesmire match, Zacharius. The team was doing great. Then, two consecutive losses—at home—to the teams from the dreamed realm and it seemed the Riskbreakers were derailed. However, that 3-1 victory over Estresse Intenso came as a huge relief. What’s the state of your team right now?” she asks.

Zacharius spits to the side.

“I am still very upset over the team’s performances—if you want to call them that—against The Holy Empire and the monks,” he says in an angry tone. “Our offense just went dead. I outlined a plan that would help us defeat both teams. However, you can only lead a horse to water… Good thing that our defense never let up. I’ve heard murmurings from the dreamed realm about the great job our defense and keeper, Akihiko Yoshida, did in those two games. Unfortunately, no matter how good your defense is, without goals, it’s all for naught. I wanted the team to be away from any possible distractions, so we decided to spend the week here in Capri, E.S.F., at Snape’s own training facility.”

As he finishes, Assegai captain Ashley Riot scrambles up to him.

“Coach…we…just finished…running the 10…miles,” he says breathing heavily.

“Give me another 10,” says the elf in a grave tone. Ashley nods and scrambles down to the rest of the offensive players, who groan and begin running again.

“I see you have your offensive players running, even Fleur? Even after she scored those three goals that beat Estresse Intenso?” asks Mikaela.

“She did well, yes. However, she is a member of the offensive squad, and she will run with her teammates,” he says.

Down below, the defensive players run drills—some of them firing shots at the Assegai keepers, who take turns in front of the net.

“Back to Akihiko; the word on everyone’s lips is that he might be pursued from a professional league outside of the YoungWorld region. Your thoughts?” she asks.

He scoffs a bit. “I heard. I heard. I even think there was a dig against E.S.F.’s Premier League,” he says. “Akihiko has always been a great keeper; from his days in Assegai’s Professional League with Valendia F.C. playing as Callo Merlose’s backup, to earning superstar status with Rinaldi Gunners in the EPL. It’s up to him if he wants to stay with Rinaldi or test the waters elsewhere.”

“Has he said anything about this?” she asks.

“Well, not really. One of his teammates brought it up in a player meeting and Akihiko’s response was that Turruth Gordur’s Gorbag Madril is someone that deserves more respect. Akihiko is a modest fellow. You won’t catch him talking about himself much.”

Mikaela nods. “Do you have anything different in preparation for this last match against Veitau,” she asks.

“Yes, actually, I do,” he responds. “I’m going to field a different squad than usual, and I’m giving Akihiko the night off. I’m going to start Winnefred Save and bring on Callo Merlose in the second half.”

Mikaela nods.

“Some of our players coming off the bench tonight, are wily veterans, and they can still hold their own. I expect some goals and solid keeping from both Winnefred and Callo,” he says.

“Well, thank you for your time today, Zacharius,” Mikaela says. “We’ll let you get back to the business of running the squad.” He nods and turns to watch his team practice and run drills below him.

“Fans, this is Mikaela Eyre signing off. Have a great evening!”

[118] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/veitau.png Veitau

VS
[31] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

Venue: Unknown (Capacity: Unknown) | Veitau

Assegai v Veitau Roster

Goaltender
#1 Winnefred Save – (Cathedral Spooks D.C.)

Defenders
#76 John Hardin – (F.C. Cross Wind)
#8 Romeo Guildenstern – (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#7 John Müllenkamp – (Hartdale Hawks, Elves Security Forces)
#35 Anne Saye – (Fort Lakaria City, Fort Europe)

Midfielders
#12 Francis Lytton – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
#6 Nathaniel Anderson – (Cathedral Spooks D.C.)
#45 Duane Grissom – (Kibuye F.C., The Interahamwe)

Forwards
#11 Sidney Losstarot – (Mar Sara Flames, Elves Security Forces)
#9 Dominic Saint-Émilion (C) – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)
#5 Severus Snape – (F.C. Capri, Elves Security Forces)

Reserves
GK #3 Callo Merlose – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)
GK #42 Akihiko Yoshida – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)
DEF #4 Francis Rowe – (Sutina Saints, Fort Europe)
DEF #70 Barnard Mallowburne – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
DEF #2 A.J. Durai – (A.C. Leá Monde)
DEF #22 Jan Rosencrantz – (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
DEF #25 Stephen Maison – (Valendia F.C.)
MID #31 Alys Spicer – (Valendia F.C.)
MID #10 Ashley Riot– (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)
MID #32 Agatha Denys – (Gladerial Twilight, Elves Security Forces)
MID #69 Fleur Delacour (Valendia F.C.)
FWD #19 Ursula Goode – (Cathedral Spooks D.C.)
FWD #18 Stephen de Cobham – (Valendia F.C.)
FWD #33 Viktor Krum – (Valendia F.C.)
FWD #20 Samantha Neesa – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)

Kelly Firth was sat on the couch in the front room of her Fort Boston house, the one she was currently sharing with her assistant manager, Addy Reage.

Addy walked in holding the Daily Mail.

[Addy] Dude, have you seen what some Jeruselem women wrote about ya?

[Kelly] Um…no. What’d she say?

[Addy] Ok, well, the column’s headed “Two harlots and a cup!”…and oooh she says “Firth is a single swinging woman.”! Well that’s not true, you’re a –

[Kelly] Yes, Addy, well done.

[Addy] Whaddya think of this Peggy Sue woman then?

[Kelly] She’s obviously deluded…

Kelly snatched the paper

[Kelly] “God’s Word Church”. Exactly. And calling me a “stupid journalist.”

[Addy] So, dude, what’re you going to do what exactly?

[Kelly] Be a journalist! I have two choices; do some digging myself, or ring Dazza. This “the world would be a better place without Dazza and Kelly Firth” line freaks me out a little.

[Addy] Yeah, I’ll say. So which choice you picking chick?

[Kelly] Both, naturally. Hopefully it’ll take some heat off the poor performances.

[Addy] Yeah, but at least next WC they’ll be testosterone filled teenagers, who’ll do anything we tell them to.

[Kelly] Oh, must you? We’re 10 years older than them!

[Addy] Yeah, I know. Oh, I’m having a urr friend over tonight. You going out?

[Kelly] Oh, Addy. Well, I’m – wait, it’s my house. Why don’t you go out?

[Addy] Because dude I’m the hanger-on friend, it’s my duty to stay in with guys at your place. Hey! Why don’t you stop too?

[Kelly] Because, Adelie, I’m NO Dazza Dallas. Now, I’m going to throw some clothes on, and then I’m going out for a drive.

[Addy] Wow…clothes AND calling me Adelie. You must be pretty mad at me.

"Four points. Four measly points. We knew qualification was a big ask, but still...

OK, so we beat St Samuel. But four points...

We knew this was going to be difficult, but this is an abomination."

The words of George Anderson, as he promised wholesale changes for World Cup 36. Meanwhile, the team for the last match is:

Malcolm
Sutherland, Milligan, Walker, Henshall
Cavendish, Gough, Richards
Crooks, Cooper, Buckingham

A small flat outside Vilvek (the same one)

So, I have come come back to you, your holiness, to inform you that the god-killers on the nation's football team are now in the fourth place of the group, with no chance for qualifying. I guess I move on to my next task now?

Not yet. While you may have done well stoping us from beating Patusan, the team still did better then expected in certain matches. Also, Cafundeu is ahead by only one point. Just one point. Our match will be easier then theirs. And then there's the playoff.

So let me guess. I need to interrupt the match with Western Afganhistan, so that Swilatia loses?

Yes, 32916, you must makes sure that they lose. Not just fail to win, lose. If this fails, the playoffs are your last chance. However, you are not the only thing that matters. We are sending people to Cafundeu to interefere with their match.

Okay, I will go to VVK and catch the next flight to western afganhistan. Believe me, there will be no need to deal with the playoffs.

Sure, just try to remember you won't have any ide what's going on at Cafundeu's match.

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE
Short Match Report written by Sílvio Ruiz
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OKAY, AT LEAST WE WON

http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/4806/pspq5.jpg
Heitor commemorates his goal

New coach, same team. After the bad performance in the game against Western Afghanistan, the CCFM fired Alfredo Neves and hired Caio Meback. The new coach did few changes, but tried to motivate the team for the last two games. The first one, against Patusan, was the easier one, and the team couldn’t leave the field with a loss or a draw. The players were nervous, but won the game.

Yes, Cafundéu won the game, but the quality of the game was very poor. Defeating the worst team of the group with a goal in the second half was something that the supporters weren’t expecting, as in the first leg Cafundéu scored nine goals in the same opponent. Anyway, the team got the three points, and now a win against Fmjphoenix will give the team a playoff spot.

When the game started, the two offensive midfielders, Dário and Falcus, created some chances. In one of them, Dário dribbled two opponents before passing the ball to Tales. The attacker shot as soon as he got the ball, but it went over the bar, and hit the mascot of Patusan. The mascot invaded the stands, and some Cafundéu supporters removed his costume.

But Patusan attacked too. In one interesting counterattack, Eduardo Monte was obligated to make a foul. A midfielder took it, the central defender headed it and Matogrosso made a wonderful save. After that play, the game didn’t have much exciting moments for many minutes. This situation was not good for the Monopolists, which needed the victory.

The defensive midfielders of Cafundéu had few work to do. Sometimes, Anormal shot from outside the area, but he missed all the attempts. Nego Guerreiro, more defensive, had few chances to take the ball from an opponent. Patusan tried some crossings, but Matogrosso left the goal well and stopped the hosts. The first half ended, and changes were necessary.

http://img443.imageshack.us/img443/1306/patcf4.jpg
Game wasn't too good

The only change made by Caio Meback was the entrance of Kliek in Nego Guerreiro’s place. With a more offensive strategy, Cafundéu could finally show some danger to Patusan, which defended fearing the goal. In the first opportunity, Becão shot, the central defender intercepted the ball, Dário got the rebound and shot with strength. The goalkeeper saved.

Patusan had only one good attack in the whole second half. After a corner kick, a midfielder shot from outside the area. Matogrosso hit the ball with his fingers, but the ball was going to enter in the goal when André Luís stopped it with his right leg. Minutes after, Cafundéu scored. Falcus shot from outside the area and one of the defenders used his hand to stop the ball. Penalty. Heitor took it and scored the goal.

Winning the game, Caio Meback seemed more calm, but the simple win doesn’t seem too good, as Cafundéu was supposed to win this game easily. But, in the end, the simple win was the best thing that the team could get in the game, and the three points were very important. Now, with only one game left for the end of the qualifying, the team can play better.

After the end of the game, the new coach Caio Meback gave his first interview as the coach of the National Team. He said: “Of course we were expecting more, but the victory was already good. Now, we just need to defeat Fmjphoenix, we did it before, more than once. We play them everytime, the supporters seem bored to remember that we’ll have to play against them again.”

The goalkeeper Matogrosso said: “Thanks to Caio, who gave me a chance, I was able to play, and think that did a good job. A victory is good, whatever the number of goals scored, so it’s all okay.” The midfielder Nego Guerreiro said: “Well, just one more to go, and then the playoffs. Cafundéu can qualify, our qualifications campaigns are never easy.”

http://img246.imageshack.us/img246/4154/juiiv9.jpg
The two linesman and the fourth referee wait for Lina Jamal

PATUSAN 0x1 CAFUNDÉU

Place: unknown.
Attendance: unknown.
Referee: Lina Jamal (Assegai Developments).
MOTM: Central Defender (Patusan).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/patusan.png PATUSAN: no team released.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Matogrosso, Léo Mattos (Coelho 72’), André Luís, Becão and Eduardo Monte; Anormal, Nego Guerreiro (Kliek 45’), Falcus (Metir 80’) and Dário; Tales and Heitor.
Coach: Caio Meback.

Goals:CAF: Heitor 64’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Fmjphoenix: Matogrosso, Léo Mattos, André Luís, Becão and Alemão; Anormal, Barbosa, Falcus and Dário; Tales and Heitor.
Coach: Caio Meback.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Thomas Hässfler (Geisenfried).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 9 games:

5- Heitor
4- Anormal
3- Tales and Renário
1- Becão, Léo Mattos, Flecha and Assis

http://img126.imageshack.us/img126/6057/letsabjh3.jpg
Doctor Letícia Sabin

BE CALM NEWSPAPER - PLAYER OF THE DAY
EDITION 10: DOCTOR LETÍCIA SABIN (#8)

Estresse Intenso is out of the World Cup again. Anyway, there are still two players left to talk about. One of them is important, the other isn’t. Today we’ll talk about the important one, the beautiful and smart Doctor Letícia Sabin, a woman fanatic for football, who loves to play and has become an extremely important midfielder. An excellent player, she can score goals, dribble and pass well, and is very famous as a doctor too.

Leticia is the daughter of a famous doctor, Professor Haroldo Sabin. Her father was a Cardiologist, and liked football too. He influenced Letícia, who grew up with an interest for medicine and football. She studied medicine in the Landau Institute and was one of the best students of her year, working with her father for some time. She is hard-working and became popular.

The patients like her too because she is very polite. But, when you really start to know her, you’ll discover one thing: when she starts talking, she doesn’t stop! No matter what you say, she’ll continue talking for many minutes. Doctor Rogério Landau, who hired her as his assistant, learnt that, and stopped drinking after Letícia started talking about the disadvantages.

She is now a Neurologist (got her specialization last month), and now can work with more patients. She is still single, and her father still lives with her inside the Institute. She has lots of fans, and they’ll support her in all her games. The most famous of them is Doctor Rogério Landau, president of the Institute.

"Our Bessst Chanccccce" snake hissed "would be to meet her at her lab and confront her then."

"He's right," said La-Yo "if we go trapsing around to find her we won't be guaranteed to do so and we might not be able to get to her in time even at the lab."

"Preccccisssssely." hissed snake, "We need to get our hands on it so we can stop all this and change history for the better." not going into any detail what he means by "changing history for the better."

He looked at Kyle, right into the eyes. "You don't have any choicccce we need to do thisssss where we will be ccccccccertain to catccch and sssssstop her. The Lab issssss our only real option."

"Where issssss it?" asked Snake is his normal hissing voice."

Meanwhile during WC35...

The Milchamians had came and had dominated Atheistic Right on the Rightists own Turf the Score-line didn't result in the overwhelming domination that the Milchamians had over the Rightists. There were calls of conspiracies and cheating by the Milchamian team but no one payed any attention to the Rightists the Milchamians where 8th in the world compared to the Rightists, ranked 45th in the world.

Still Milchama faces Vilita next round while Atheistic Right faces Spruitland...
Should Milchama win and Atheistic Right win against Spruitland then with enough of a Goal Differential then AR can steal an Auto-qualifying spot from Vilita forcing them into the knockouts otherwise a win or draw against Spruitland guarantee's a play-off spot for the Rightists, a Spruitish win steals the play-offs and the group finishes basically as seeded.

"F*** this!" exclaimed Leon Green... "All this uncertainty is driving me batty... Get here already spruitlanders... Bah, their probably all doped up on weed and don't even know that a match is coming up."

"Damn, this match could go either way.... damnit damnit damnit..."

"Hey calm down here's your beads..." said the secretary...

"You know... I think I have something better to ease the tension... Come here..." he said a smile on his face as he closed the door to his office and loostened his tie...

"Oh, leon." she said

*fades to black*

Kiryu-shi In Scoreless Draw; Big Game Coming Up

By Michio Hibbert

Sakaino, Kiryu-shi Kiryu-shi, playing at home in the second to last game of qualification, managed to battle through a tough nil-nil draw, in an exciting and tense match. Qazox, seeking some refuge from their devastated country, played exciting football, as both teams fought for the right to qualify. Qazox, who beat Kiryu-shi in their first match up, is on the brink of a direct qualification into the World Cup proper, and obviously wants to bring some relief and joy for the people still remaining in Qazox by qualifying.

____The match started off quickly, as both teams started off playing fast, aggressive soccer up and down the pitch, looking to score the opening goal. The first good chance for Qazox came on a quick counter attack as forward Tomas Richter broke past the Kiryu-shi defense and tried to meet a through pass from Zane West. Jon Crow sprinted of the box, determined to reach the ball before the oncoming forward. Both players arrived at the ball at the same roughly the same time. Crow tried to clear the ball, but it deflected off the body of West high into the air. West, who hadn’t slowed down at all, plowed into Crow, and both players collided and went flying into the air. By the time the ball came back to the ground, Doug LeBlanc was able to return and clear it back up for Kiryu-shi. Although Crow and West looked a bit disoriented after they got up, play wasn’t stopped and both players stayed in the game. Kiryu-shi had a good scoring opportunity from a corner in the 12th minute, when Gregory Iverson was able to put a head on the cross, but the ball skimmed just over the top of the bar for a goal kick. Both teams started to settle down and play more defensively as they got weary of the opposing team’s opportunities. Kiryu-shi started to pack the center defenders back, and utilize the wings more in the traditional Kiryu-shi style, while Qazox made sure to shut down the shut down the effectiveness of the wings by isolating the Kiryu-shi side midfielders with two markers. For around twenty minutes in the middle of the second half, neither team managed to connect on any type of run, with Kiryu-shi defenders swooping down on passes, and Qazox midfielders forcing bad passes from Kiryu-shi. In the 37th minute, however, Qazox got another good chance as West made a move behind Matthew Pruet to get open in front of the net. However, the pass was a bit too long, and West could not get a good shot off. Kiryu-shi’s defense tightened even more after that attempt.

____The second half started with aggressive moves by Qazox to try to break the game open. Their three forwards kept on rushing the penalty box, forcing Kiryu-shi to move their side backs into a more central position, and the side midfielders to a more defensive position. Kiryu-shi could not break out of that formation, and struggled to get any kind of attack with the constant runs made by Qazox. However, the Kiryu-shi defenders played exceptionally, and held Qazox. They were aided by several questionable non calls that could have set up Qazox with good chances. The most extreme example of a non-call came in the 63rd minute, when Qazox forward Yancy Fry, as he tried to receive a pass just outside the penalty box, appeared to have been elbowed in the small of the back by LeBlanc, forcing him to the ground before the ball reached the two players. However, the ref didn’t view the altercation as a foul, and play continued. The only chances Kiryu-shi could muster up in the second half were quick counter attacks utilizing Hellen Gandy in the center of the pitch. However, Garret McGee was not an effective partner to run with Gandy, and many attacks fizzled out before McGee was taken out for Emily Boyle in the 83rd minute. Although Boyle did add some excitement at the front for Kiryu-shi in the final minutes, with three shots on goal, she could not put the ball past Qazox keeper Jon Freel, who had a very impressive day protecting the net. The match ended with a scoreless draw, and one point for both teams.

____The final match for Kiryu-shi will be at Wentland, a formidable opponent and one of the favorites in the group. Wentland has underperformed, and just barely are hanging onto third place over Kiryu-shi by one point in the group. This means that the winner of the match will likely finish in third place, as Qazox are the clear favorites in their match. In order for Kiryu-shi to win, they need to improve on their last performance. The three center defenders need to be able to defend against the offensively challenged Wentland squad, as the side defenders need to be utilized in the attack if they hope to score. Wentland will most likely focus on defense, as they guarantee third place with a draw. However, the Kiryu-shi defense needs to be on it’s toes, because Wentland does have the ability to form quick counter attacks that can surprise opponents. Garret McGee will need to dominate physically inside the penalty box and use his size to create mismatches. Pat Mayberry will need to shine, either to draw two or three defenders or move the ball up his side. They will need to play their best match of qualifying in order to beat Wentland and have a chance of making it into the World Cup.

Matchday 10 RP Cutoff

..:: BazaClans World Cup 35 Matchday 10 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12760151&postcount=10) ::..

BazaClans World Cup 35 Playoff Qualifiers

Sativaville vs. Zwangzug
Ropa-Topia vs. Turori
Qazox vs. The HURD
Swilatia vs. Tynelia
Turruth Gordur vs. Alasdair I Frosticus
Northern Bettia vs. Spruitland

All Play-offs are at neutral venues.

Back in the present/past/future:

ROCKPORT WORLD NEWS, Channel 7

The CASCADE is still frozen, for lack of a better term and now has been for 4 days. Scientists are still puzzled as to the sudden stop, but are cautiously optimistic that it is not going to grow again. However, still almost 75% of Qazox is under the effects of this force. A top theorictical physicist has estimated that up to 80% of the bio-mass under the CASCADE should suffer little or no effect, but has no concrete proof. More as news develops

<Skip ahead to sports>

A shocking loss to lightly regarded Delsea 1-0 earlier today, knocked Qazox into the playoffs for World Cup 35. Since the play-offs are win or go home, Qazox needs to win, or else it will be a long 4 year wait for World Cup 36. Qazox will play The HURD at a neutral site later this week.

And now back to the future/present/past:
June 10, 1911
PLACE Fromburg, Northeast part
TIME 1325 STANDARD

"I agree that heading to the lab is the best option, but there is one drawback," Kyle said. "I'm already there, well at least the 'me' that did this 10 years ago, or... Ox I hate time travel."

"What about your ability to ssshroud?" asked Snake.

"One, I can only do it for about 5 minutes at a time, and Two, her lab can detect it, so it won't work." Kyle replied.

"Well, we only have about 8 hours left, and based on what you told us, it'll take a couple of hours to get there, so we better get moving." La-Yo said, walking towards the northwest.

After about 3 hours of walking and a half-an hour of climbing up a cliff, Kyle's ex-wife's lab stood before them. But when they reached the front of the building, Kyle stopped.

"Shit, she's already here. That's a little off for the last time. She didn't arrive here until about 1800, and its about 1600 now. Something is very wrong about this, I can fell it....<clunk>" Kyle said before being hit on the head with a butt of a gun.

"No.. everything isss going to plan." Said Snake, as he drug La-Yo's and Kyle's limp bodies over the the edge of the cliff and gave them a shove. "now Project Cobalt with be Mine!!"

To: Kelly Firth, Manager of the Bostopia World Cup 35 team
From: Dazza Dallas, Manager of the Jeruselem World Cup 35 team

Hello Kelly. I know you are going through hard times with your team but I know you will do something good in the end. Bad luck about your team not being able to make the playoffs for World Cup 35, you came in late and well what can you do? I'm lucky I have a really good team which does qualify without fail as Jeruselem's support systems are pretty good. I can't do much to help Bostopia really as I've got my own problems like guiding Jeruselem to it's usual lofty goals and I'm not exactly God, just his plaything.

Anyway, I know that Peggy Sue upset you but I live in Jeruselem in the same country as her so at least you can't run into her in person. Just ignore her, everyone else in Jeruselem does - except maybe her family.

I'm sending you an official Dazza Dallas Fan Club Gold membership, which does not expire and some Centenary of Jeruselem World Cup stuff, a few personally signed copies of some personal photos and a little Christian/Catholic cross I used to wear when I'm not feeling good. I don't what religion you follow but give the cross a rub - it works for little old Dazza here.

Oh, you can visit my holiday place in Ariddia as soon as I get the place into shape if you want to as well. Just tell me when you are coming so I can see if it fits into the schedule. I'm sure you have a few questions to ask me about being a coach and other things like family and business, which is pretty hard work as you have found out.

I'd sent you some nice clothes but you probably don't wear them so I'm not going to bother in the end.

Good luck Kelly with your future! If you just want to talk, I'm your friend. I like talking - maybe too much my husband says. Have to go, have to go teach Dinkie more French. We just beat the Oliverry Frenchies TWO ONE but they grabbed the group top spot because of that stupid worm! Oh well, eight wins, one draw and one loss. Not bad - better than World Cup 34.

Please come to my place in Ariddia during the holidays. Nudity encouraged! Oh, someone sent me crate of rubber chickens as a gift. I've too many of those already. You want them?

Love
Dazza Dallas

“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly where we see Tynelia continue to do everything in its power to not qualify for the world cup. I’m your co-host Troy Wallace along with Dinah Miller. With today’s 1-0 loss to Arridia, the team that was sitting in first at 16 points with three matches left vainly tries to stop their freefall by trying to qualify through the playoffs for the cup now which they stumbled inot with 17 points. And the way they were playing they are just lucky play ended when it did or they might drop to fourth in another couple of matches.”

“Easy Troy, you seem very bitter today, sure we hit a slump late but we can still get in this thing with a win against Swilatia. We’re ranked ahead of them and have a much stronger defense you know Troy, we’re not done yet.”

“Don’t believe the hype Dinah. Kristovenia was ranked below us, Commerce Heights JSY were below us and we managed to lose to both of them. So just because Swilatia is ranked lower than us doesn’t mean anything.”

“But look at the numbers Troy, they’ve allowed 1.8 goals a match…”

“Which is about what we scored in the last three matches combined.”

“...And we allow a third of that, while their offense is only a third better than ours. They are another attacking team which we see all the time and we’re a strong defensive one, which other than Wentland, none of the top teams bother with. Its certainly winnable.”

“It won’t matter Dinah. You see I’ve figured out why we struggle so much in these things and why even if we do move on we won’t do any better than the last two times.”

“And what’s that Troy?”

“Media blackouts Dinah.”

“What does that have to do with anything Troy?”

“Think about it Dinah. Kristovenia, CH JSY, both imposed media blackouts in their land the whole Cup. No way to watch their team, no news of injury, no way for us to scout them for our matches. That’s why they took us by surprise. And look at the Wombats, another blackout there too and they just zoomed past us like we were standing still in the standings. Our free press, which gives everyone anywhere a chance to watch our team play is killing us. The other teams find out what they know about us and we go in blind. Arridia had the same trouble but they’re number 1 in the world and can handle that. We’re just some schmucky soccer nation that goes up the ranks two or three ranks each cup. No one takes us seriously as a contender. Look at everyone who came after us, Quakmybush, Az-cz, ESF, Demot, Northern Bettia, Cafundeu, Errinundera after they came back- they’re just flying through the ranks. We’ll never break the top 20 as long as we have this free press killing us!”

“But Troy, Az-cz has one of the most fully covered soccer media of anyone out there and Cafundeu is close behind if not ahead. You’re not making any sense. Have you been drinking Troy?”

“I’m perfectly fine Dinah and I’m surprised that you’re falling for the idea that our coverage can do anything but hurt the team. Look at WC33, not one match was televised the entire run and what happened? We obliterate everyone in our group, finish on top with 45 points then knock off the number one team in the world Krytenia in the cup proper. And how did our run end? Losing to the media blacked out Spruitland on the last day. I’m telling you Dinah, the only chance we have is to go back to the days of a full media blackout. With no way to study our team we’ll cruise once again.”

“Troy, don’t you think you’re overreacting? The team still has a solid core of players, the defense is in the top 10 for the entire cup once again. Sure the offense is a bit inconsistent but that’s because we play defense first.”

“Well if it’s not that then its because the class of 27 is cursed. Seriously now look at the numbers. The Wombats got in two times now, Vuam and Isma once maybe, possibly Becquerlia once, Haraki did it a couple of times, we did it twice, Qazox did it twice and not one team has even reached the knockouts. Is there a more pitiful class of teams than that? Clearly Margaret hates the number 27 and anyone associated with it.”

<Dinah starts looking over at the producer nervously as Troy goes on>

“I mean really, at this rate it’ll be WC 50 by the time we get out of the group stages of the Cup itself. We’ll probably drop to about 40th after this cup which means it’ll be even worse for us next time trying to move on and especially if we keep feeding the other teams every bit of information about us, we should….”

WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY.

Lugete, o Veneres, lugete...for the dreadful Hacker and his cacodaemonic team of cunctatious pessimists have accidentally qualified for the World Cup finals.

A blight on the Magnificent Game as the deserving Qazox side failed to notch a single goal against the hopeless and hapless Delesans, meaning the three accidental goals Wentland somehow inveigled past the peerless Kiryushi eleven have qualified the Less Than Swifts to the High Table of football feasting. O, but how ludicrous!

And the absurd vision of Hacker claiming that his tactics of defending deeply before striking with quick breaks through the extra pace of the rebel Starkey was positively ulcerous! Making a virtue of the woodwork coming to his rescue on a lamentably risible number of occasions! The failings of the Kiryushi strike force being touted as something foreseen! Beyond ANY rational belief!

Still, at least we shall enjoy the spectacle of Mr Hacker And His Negative Attitudes being humiliated before the multiverse with all personnel being able to observe his dreadful failings. Every cloud etcetera.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/tynelia.png Tynelia 0-1 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

Through at last

It was the strict minimum required, but it was enough. The Tynelians never surrendered, giving their Ariddian opponents a hard time the whole way through, but in the end it was the Rouge-et-Noirs who walked away with three extra points – enough to see them through directly to the final stages.

All the players knew that the winners would qualify, while the losers would have to face the play-offs, which made this match particularly intense. Iol Et alone scored, in the fifty-fifth minute; the Tynelians were never able to overcome the Ariddian defence, nor Cassie Lee, who gave a brilliant performance in the goal cage. The Rouge-et-Noirs will now be able to rest and build up their strength while the play-offs take place without them.

“It’s going to be tough in the next round,” Myint said. “Other teams have been doing much better than we have.”

Ariddia will presumably be playing Vilita, although the official schedule has yet to be released. For now, many Ariddians are cheering for their ‘neighbour’ Ropa-Topia, who will be playing Turori for a place in the finals. After so many narrow misses, there are strong hopes that the Ropa-Topians will finally make it into the top thirty-two.

Andrew expected an offensive matchup when Zwangzug visited Ulzaxid and its six forwards. Funnily enough, there had been no response to his naming suggestion. Not that he particularly cared.

But instead, defense seemed to be the order of the day. Zwangzug certainly wanted to defend its slim lead over Rejistania: the goal-differential technicality needed all the help it could get. Ulzaxid was playing for pride on its home grass, though its home aquarium and home bird perch were also crucial. The shrieks of eagles and squeaks of dolphins certainly caught Zwangzug off guard. The fact that Yul's shots didn't even enter the vicinity of the goal was no surprise, but the corresponding fact that Philip too was stifled was. Ulzaxid's sole defender, Khim_Azanulbizarn, kept a close guard on Simon Ryne, completely stymieing his attacks.

Lawrence was unusually strong on defense, probably because none of the Ulzaxidians were at all attractive in his mindset, and he could keep his mind on the game. With him in top form, Ulzaxid couldn't score either.

"Well," Rube said jovially after the game, "we did hold on to the lead in goal differential."

So Andrew, too apathetic to look into it any further, wandered off in near-blissful ignorance.

Some time later, he learned that he would be in the playoffs after all.

However, his reaction was so extreme that when he subsequently learned that there was a random draw, his return to moody silence seemed relatively blissful.

Amda-Mo: Well the bench had enough to get Patusan, winning our last qualifier.

Lur-Mn: Yep. Zax-Im really emptied the bench today. Still it's not suprising that our bench could beat Patusan. Really not much to take from today's game.

Amda-Mo: That's good cause we've got a lot of other stuff to get to tonight. First let's take a recap of the matches today and who came through and who didn't.

Lur-Mn: Starting in group 1, where Qazox suffered a stunning loss to Delesa to allow Wentland to steal the autobid. The Oxen still have hope of making it back to the cup, but it will have to be in the playoffs.

Amda-Mo: In our group Swilatia got the win in Western Afghanistan and Cafundeu's loss to Fmjphoenix to advance to the playoffs.

Lur-Mn: What happened to Cafundeu? They just weren't right these qualifiers. They played well against us but only took a point and really struggled with the others. It'll be strange without them in the cup. In group three things went just as I expected with Spruitland beating Atheistic Right to claim the playoff spot.

Amda-Mo: Group four saw Ariddia and Green Wombat win, leaving Tynelia to the playoffs, not a big suprise there either. Group six saw another suprise team sent to the playoffs. Turruth Gordur couldn't get past Jariss and that mistake allowed the Slanis to roar past for second place. All the top teams won in group seven leaving Northern Bettia in the playoffs.

Lur-Mn: Sativaville proves the intelligence of the playoffs system used in WC33. They had a goalless draw against Daughrty but thanks to United Island Empires losing they're in the playoffs with more losses than wins as an absolutely apalling team. With Bostopia underperforming due to terrorism in their country Sativaville gets a single game to advance to the finals. If they do they'd be the worst ever team in a finals. And that's why it's best to admit that all groups are not created equal.

Amda-Mo: The last group of interest saw Rejistania winning in St. Samuel with Zwangzug failing to score against the Ulzaxid seven striker attack costing them the direct spot.

Lur-Mn: These playoffs ended up being much less interesting than they could have been. Schiavonia and Ariddia avoided them as expected, Wentland, Rejistania and Commerce Heights took care of business and got unexpected help from teams above them and Cafundeu came apart. Indeed none of the matchups will even have two teams who were in last cup.

Amda-Mo: Yes, but playoffs are always exciting. Let's take a look at the matchups. First is Sativaville vs. Zwangzug.

Lur-Mn: This ought to be a thrashing in Zwangzug's favor. Sativaville has no business being here. And Zwangzug played well and was just unfortunate that they couldn't get past Rejistania. But I have a bad feeling the universe's sick sense of humor is going to rear it's ugly head and push Sativaville into the proper.

Amda-Mo: Well let's hope not, and if they do make it let's hope they're in our group. Next up is Ropa-Topia vs. Turori.

Lur-Mn: One of the more intriguing matchups. These two teams have a decent history with Turori and Ropa-Topia meeting a number of times in the qualifying stages. Turori is a big name looking to reestablish their place amongst the elite after struggles last cup and Ropa-Topia is still looking to push through after repeated missed chances. I just think third time will be the time for Ropa-Topia leaving the eels out for a second cup in a row.

Amda-Mo: That would have to sting for such a proud nation with a history as great as their's. How about Qazox vs. The HURD?

Lur-Mn: Maybe the most evenly balanced matchup. I think Qazox will get the job done. But I thought the same against Delesa, and we all see how that turned out. I'm still not real impressed by The HURD, but they were in last cup when Qazox wasn't.

Amda-Mo: Interesting assessment. For a nation as passionate about sports as Qazox is, it would seem they'd need to get some luck at some point.

Lur-Mn: It would seem that way.

Amda-Mo: Moving on next up is Swilatia vs. Tynelia.

Lur-Mn: Swilatia is totally perplexing. Tynelia is actually a quite good team. This ought to be a blitz. This is the game I feel most confident about. The hippos will be fine and make their third cup.

Amda-Mo: Next up is Turruth Gordur vs. Alasdair I Frosticus

Lur-Mn: Turruth Gordur is going to regret that draw with Jariss. Instead of getting through easily, they left things to a match against Alasdair I Frosticus. Definitely the worst draw of teams in the playoffs, they ought to be done in.

Amda-Mo: Lastly let's look at Northern Bettia vs. Spruitland.

Lur-Mn: Spruitland took some time getting back up to the speed of world cup play. They were in last at the halfway point but four second half wins, including winning in Milchama saw them pass Atheistic Right. Northern Bettia conversely was top at the half way point and saw a tough second half with two losses and a draw drop them to third. Northern Bettia is probably the better team here but it will be close. Both teams have experience coming through the playoffs, as both did so in world cup 33 so expect both to come out swinging early.

Amda-Mo: First let's take a look at the six greatest nations of all time. Lur-Mn, take it away.

Lur-Mn: Well the top two won't suprise anyone, but I've gone with some suprising choices for spots 3-6.

6. Squornshelous

Considering they've only won once and there are a number of two titled teams ahead of them Squornshelous is a bit of a suprise here, but I think they deserve it. Only one team not on this list has played in more cups than them, and only three teams have played in two finals further apart and all of them are on this list. Squornshelous has had a number of strong runs, been around a long time and been a top team all the while.

5. Starblaydia

The Purple Peril only in fifth might suprise some Az-czzers, who think of Starblaydia as an all time great. And they truly are, but they were also quick risers and compared to Squornshelous or the teams above them their extended period of dominance is not as great. Still two cups in four tournaments with two thirds in the middle and a second two cups later is damned impressive. While they were good they were great.

4. Audioslavia

Only the three teams ranked above them on this list have played in as many finals as they have. Yes, they never managed to win it, but making four finals the first in World Cup 12 and the last in World Cup 29 shows that they had great longevity and a number of great teams only bad luck keeps them from having a trophy to their credit.

3. Liverpool England

By far the largest gap between cup titles winning in WC8 and WC24 only the best team in the world was able to stop them the other two times they made the finals. The second head of the incredible three headed monster that dominated World Cups 26 to 30.

2. Rejistania

The Orange-Blues were the first team to win three cups and have four cups before the only other more than two time winner even had two. From their first title to their third took only seven cups. Established the model that the other great team eventually followed. The only other currently active nation on this list Rejistania truly is a marvel.

1. Bedistan

Bedistan is the absolute obvious choice for best team ever. They played in finals in the 0s, the 10s, the 20s, and the 30s. Admittedly they had just two runner ups coming into the 20s but then they followd the Rejistania plan exactly for their first three titles. Win their first, don't win for four cups, than win consecutive titles. Amazingly their consecutive titles were done over Liverpool England. They added a fourth by beating Starblaydia, so their titles didn't come by beating teams who didn't deserve to be there, but came by beating the best. Throw in their two third place finishes and it's clear that Bedistan was a cut above everyone.

Amda-Mo: No signs of the current defending champs and winners of two of the last three?

Lur-Mn: There are signs. Of course they got considered, but I'm not sure they've got much to hang their hats on other than these last three cups. And if you'll recall they were eliminated by the end of the second match day in Quakmybush. Two good runs does not an all time power make. If they rise up and win again, then clearly they'll be there, but I'm not convinced yet.

Amda-Mo: Over to the best six teams from these qualifiers.

6. Jeruselem

Despite the last day win over Oliverry they stay stuck in the sixth spot. Not much else to add that hasn't been said before, but they were unquestionably the strongest runner up. Just happened to get drawn with an in-form Oliverry.

5. Oliverry

The line between Jeruselem and Oliverry was very thin. If you wanted to make the argument going the other direction I think you very well could. But Oliverry did win the group and did have the bigger win of the two matches between the two. Both head to the proper having faced tough tests and looking strong.

4. Az-cz

Despite being tied for the best record in qualification, there's just a sense that we haven't been that good these qualifiers. Our group is probably the second easiest, with Bettia's being easier. We never really dominated any of the teams in our group. That might have been Zax-Im's plan, but it doesn't inspire as much confidence as our record might indicate.

3. Acapais

Acapais the third best team from qualifiers is difficult to believe. But so is Acapais with 8 wins and a draw from a group containing Squornshelous, Turori and Qutar. They played well all cup and are more than deserving to be here. If these hosts use the Milchama-Geis draw method someone will be screaming bloody murder at getting them as four seeds.

2. Bettia

By the numbers the best team in qualification but they, like us, failed to impress. Their defense has been in good form and their offense has been reasonably productive, but they just don't seem like a great team. They had another blip against Bostopia on the last day. Still you have to say they're in good shape going into the finals. Il-Lur may have gotten that one nailed after all.

1. Elves Security Forces

The best defense. Tied for the best offense. One record setting win. Topping a quite tough group by a comfortable margin. All in all the Elves played quite well. And they seemed on cruise control this cup, not having expended quite the energy they did the past two cups. If that means they can turn it up a notch in the proper than they will be the champions. If they can stay on this same keel they'll be a real threat. Definitely a team everyone wants to avoid.

Amda-Mo: Wow. They've really arrived. Two wonderful qualification performances in a row. And that's it for tonight. Good luck to all the teams in the playoffs and hoping for a fair draw for the Gnomes in the Bazalonia region for the cup.

Elven Times
Win or Go Home

Well it wasn't the flawless cruise through the qualifiers of last tournament, but it was nearly as great. The squad ended their trip into the Proper with a comfortable three to nil win in Keyne Island, not the thrashing they served to the debutants in ESF, but enough to clinch them the top spot in the highly contested Group 12. Given that the squad had already qualfied with last weeks dramatic two to nil upheavel of Rejistania, avenging their single loss that the Rejistanians gave them in ESF, Soler did the honorable thing and allowed several reserves some time on the pitch. Despite the loss, they were able to rebound and take their last match in St Samuel and steal the second automatic spot from Zwanzug, who will now have to face Satitaville in a playoff and hope the roll of luck spins their way.

The game was a solid effort for the squad. A few of the reserves were granted some quality time on the pitch, and made darn sure to push the starters with a gratifying performance. The young Anti Fresco, who makes his domestic club living in Mar Sara, was a pleasure to watch. His runs were extravagant, and his first touches were always on the money, letting the play develop where a poor touch would of killed the build up or resulted in a giveaway. He did make mistakes from time to time, but he was always quick to go and try to correct them. Showings like this from such a young prospect really give this lad a good chance of cracking the starting line up soon, and will likely draw the eye of prospective foreign clubs. Having the assist on Constant's goal and then getting around three defenders in a spectacular individual effort will also do well to raise his stock.

For the second tournament in a row, Javier Jaques has taken his minutes on the pitch to show his growth that the Oliverry league has given him. While he was not developing under the EPL, since he moved to CA Ville-Royale, he has blossomed into a confident midfielder. He helped lead the Ville-Royale to their title last season, proving an adequate scorer and distributor, and proving an instrumental part of their midfield. While he has not been granted time like super sub Xanxz, he appeared in eight of the ten matches for the squad, and collected two assists and scored on a free kick from twenty-five yards out against Keyne Island.

Looking to our friends and region mates, many of them enjoyed success and made it to either the Proper or are trying to do so in a play off. The gnomes of Az-cz flowed through Group two with an undefeated record, nipping the resurgent Fmjphoenix squad a chance at taking the group crown. Fans across the nation will be hoping to avoid the Robbers, especially after last Proper's four to one thrashing in group play. It is clear to everyone that the Gnomes are going to be a force to reckon with for generations to come. After dominating Group six, both Turruth Gordur and Fort Europe fell from the auto qualification spots. However, the Gordurians showed some resolve and didn't relinquish at least the hope of making it and snubbed the Europians the playoff spot. It has to be said that the usual rowdy TG squad showed Fort Europe a lot of respect and might be on their way to changing their image and character. Demot ran away with Group tens' qualification, only to fall in their last two matches to lesser known squads to let the bastards of Sel Appa take the top spot. But we all know that come Proper time, the Dynamo will be there to prove their excellence.

Finally there is the Assegains. We always treat our rivals with an air of respect and hate intertwined. Their play and determination is something to be admired, but their ability to nip us nearly every match even when we have better talent is what causes the animosity. But the wounds might be mending after they hired Zacharius, who was quite the critic of the Riskbreakers in his playing days, and he lead them to the top spot of Group eleven, despite both the Monks and Holy Empire calling the group home. So congratulations Assegai, you deserve this trip and let the wine run for hours tonight, as you celebrate your achievements. I'll give you, my homeland one warning, learn from your past and make all of Assegai roar in admiration with your due advancement past group play.

Elves Security Forces 3
Justinian Constant (39)
Anti Fresco (43)
Javier Jaques (67)

Keyne Island 0

Scorers
Kiso Night - 7
Laborious Hawk - 4
Nikali Rikard - 4
Rick Cuellar - 4
Jere Jannian - 3
Justinian Constant - 2
Anti Fresco - 1
Javier Jaques - 1
Marsha Stone - 1
Renai Adai - 1

Playoffs
Sativaville vs. Zwangzug
Ropa-Topia vs. Turori
Qazox vs. The HURD
Swilatia vs. Tynelia
Turruth Gordur vs. Alasdair I Frosticus
Northern Bettia vs. Spruitland

Qualified
Errinundera, Wentland, Az-cz, Fmjphoenix, Milchama, Vilita, Ariddia, Green Wombat, Oliverry, Jeruselem, Geisenfried, SLANI, Yafor 2, Schiavonia, Acapais, Squornshelous, Bettia, Quakmybush, Sel Appa, Demot, Assegai Developments, Archregimancy, ESF, Rejistania, Bazalonia, The Lowland Clans

Article by Luna Santapa

The scene inside the Timorlug Dome is one of pure chaos. Minutes after the referee signaled the end of the game, a 2-2 draw between a more ravenous than usual Turruth Gordur and plucky Jariss squads, fans began lighting flares in the stands, launching some of them in the direction of the Jariss bench and at their players as they attempted to painfully limp off the field. In a stark turnaround of the game’s events, in which the Turruth Gordur players maimed the Jariss players, the Gordurians are actually dragging some of the more injured Jariss players off the field. Meanwhile, the few Jariss supporters that are present in the stands are surrounded by mutinous crowds, who launch food, debris and “recycled beer” at them in cups. Seeing things deteriorating quickly, Turruth Gordur Manager Gorgol “The Butcher” Harad strides over to a PA system on the field and addresses the riotous crowd…

“Gordurians! Hear me! Hear me now! Gorgol Harad commands it!”

The crowd, which was a churning sea of humanity, suddenly grows calm and the interior of the Timorlug Dome goes completely silent.

“Anger! I feel it radiating from all of you present tonight. We did not fulfill our goal of smashing these whelps of Jariss into oblivion and earn our direct pass to the NationStates World Cup. However, do not unleash your fury on Jariss. We have already done that for you. Their broken bodies are a testament to the punishment we dealt to them tonight. Despite our vicious assault, they battled bravely and are worthy of our respect for this 2-2 draw with us.”

The crowd begins to buzz again. Someone in the crowd launches a cup of urine and it smashes onto Harad. The crowd gasps. With inhuman speed, Harad flings himself into the stands, isolates his assailant, pounces on and pummels the surprised thug to the ground ferociously. Moments later, the only sound to be heard is gurgling sounds coming from the crumpled mess on the ground. Harad grabs the PA again.

“Go home, the lot of you! Let the Jariss supporters crawl back home. They have earned our respect...”

Harad drops the PA and strides off the field. The Gordurian players assist the Jariss players off the field and the crowd disperses, leaving the broken body of Harad’s assailant quivering in the stands. As Harad enters the tunnel leading to the dressing rooms, a reporter dressed completely in black approaches him.

“Oh, it’s you,” says Harad.

“Gorgol, your thoughts on tonight’s game?” the reporter asks, adjusting his circular glasses.

“We gave Jariss the beating of a lifetime; the five yellow cards handed out to our players is an indication of that. We walked that fine line between what’s passable and what’s illegal. I have no qualms with them. I have no qualms with my team either. They did as instructed. The goals just did not fall. Jariss’s keeper, Tali Vindu, was an animal tonight.”

“We just received word in the press box that Fort Europe lost tonight, meaning that Turruth Gordur stays in third place of Group 11 and that your opponent for the NSWC XXV playoff is The Holy Empire,” says the bespectacled reporter as Turruth Gordur players help the Jariss players through the tunnel.

Harad grumbles. “Although we should have done better and qualified in the second spot of group 11, it is unfortunate that our Young World region mates, Fort Europe, couldn’t advance any further. There…is a truly honorable team. The Holy Empire you say?” Harad laughs.

“Yes,” says the reporter, nodding. “They’re one of the footballing giants of NationStates, ranked No. 9. They were in Assegai’s group, where they split their two games, Assegai beating them on goal differential 2-1.”

Harad laughs loudly, shaking the tunnel. “You fool, it does not matter to me or my team what rank anyone carries. Games are decided on the field, not on paper. We have no fear of this Holy Empire. I have no reason to show them any respect, whatsoever. If they are anything like the monks we faced in the qualifiers for NSWC XXXIV, we will have fun sacrificing another virgin ass or whatever else rattles their chain.”

“Are you predicting a win over The Holy Empire, Gorgol?” the reporter asks him.

“Are you deaf? I just said we have no fear or respect for The Holy Empire,” growls Harad. “Of course, I predict a victory for Turruth Gordur! Victory and a lot of pain! A lot of fear and panic! The Holy Empire better give their souls to their god, because their asses belong to us!”

Harad growls and stomps off, punching one of the walls.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png [44] Turruth Gordur 2 — 2 Jariss http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/jariss.png
TG: Magda the Forsaken (13’), Draco Glaurung (75’) | JAR: Minna Dawo (23’), Tranae Vyrroi (83’)
Yellow Cards: [TG] Uglúk Dramborleg (8’), Boldog Gothmog (17’), Snaga Lagduf (45’), Huldah Sangria (66’), Shagrat Grishnákh (80’) [JAR] Kalo Yannia (72’) | Red Cards: None
Attendance: 80,000 | Timorlug Dome, Timorlug (Turruth Gordur)

[u]Stats
Goals Scored:
Team: 19, 1.90 GPG
1. Draco Glaurung – 8
2. Dagor Bragollach – 5
3. Magda the Forsaken – 3
4. Uglúk Dramborleg – 1
5. Gromper Grîpper – 1
6. Artok Brocas – 1

Keepers
Gorbag Madril – (4-4-2) GA: 10, SO: 5, GAA: 1.00
Bartholomew Dalison – (0-0-0) GA: 0, SO: 0, GAA: 0.00
Mauhúr Muzgash – (0-0-0) GA: 0, SO: 0, GAA: 0.00

The Crimson Blade

Finishing on Top

Assegai Developments defender John Müllenkamp looked up. Severus Snape had shaken off his defender. Müllenkamp fired a curving lob into the path of the streaking Assegai forward, who deftly redirected the shot toward Veitau’s keeper, a tree named Kau. The ball bounced off the side of Kau, off the post and into the net. Snape, screaming, ran toward a corner of the stands full of Assegai supporters who had traveled with the team to Veitau. As Snape raised his arms, his teammates tackled him to ground in jubilation.

The goal, coming in the 3rd minute of injury time, broke a scoreless deadlock and secured the Riskbreakers’ spot on top of Group 11, the first time an Assegai team had accomplished such a feat.

The moment the referee blew his whistle, signaling the end of the match, the entire Assegai squad poured onto the field and celebrated. On the sidelines, Assegai Manager Zacharius was finally seen smiling and pumped his fist at the Assegai supporters’ section.

“It’s amazing what this team has done,” said a gregarious Zacharius in the dressing room after match as players celebrated around him with champagne, Carnyorth Dwarvish Ale and apple cider. “I don’t care what anyone says: tonight’s win or the team’s overall performance during the qualifiers—I will take no credit for any of this. I just pointed the team in the right direction and they did the rest. I would be remiss, however, if I didn’t mention the superb job our defensive squad has done, and, yes, that includes keeper Akihiko Yoshida, whose play carried us throughout this entire qualifying phase.”

As he finished his comment, Zacharius was suddenly bathed in champagne from various players, who danced around him in merriment.

“We must also commend our starting 11 tonight,” said Assistant Coach, Joel Monroy. “They secured our spot on top of Group 11. Also, you have to give it up for our two keepers tonight, Winnefred Save, making his National Team debut, and veteran Callo Merlose, who were smart and efficient in goal and combined for the shutout.”

Suddenly, Monroy was also splashed with bubbly and players began dancing around him, as well.

“It’s a bit early to talk about the Proper, but I hope we get a good draw so we can give our supporters something to be proud of at the World Cup,” said Assegai midfielder and Team Captain Ashley Riot, who was completely drenched in champagne and ale. “I hope they are proud of us tonight! This is for them!”

[118] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/veitau.png Veitau 0

[31] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 1

[EST]
None

[AD]
Severus Snape (90’+)

Yellow Cards: None | Red Cards: None
Attendance: Unknown | Venue: Unknown (Veitau)

Final Stats

Goals Scored:
Team: 12, 1.33 GPG
1. Fleur Delacour – 5
2. Viktor Krum – 2
3. Ashley Riot – 2
4. Stephen de Cobham – 2
5. Samantha Neesa – 1
6. Severus Snape – 1

Keepers
Akihiko Yoshida – (5-1-2) GA: 5, SO: 4, GAA: 0.67
Callo Merlose – (1-0-0) GA: 0, SO: 1, GAA: 0.00
Winnefred Save – (0-0-0) GA: 0, SO: 1, GAA: 0.00

Mikaela Eyre Reporting


While the team was celebrating, Assegai forward Samantha Neesa quietly snuck off to the a dark shower stall. Making sure she was completely alone, she called up Kiso Knight, a member of the Elves Security Forces team, and Zacharius’ son.

“Kiso…? Ah, too bad you’re not picking up,” she whispers into the phone. “I really want to see you. I know you’ve probably been hearing some rumors about Severus and I, but they’re just that—rumors. He’s one of my best friends and he respects me a lot. He was going through a difficult time recently and I was helping him through it… By the way, I hear that your dad has set up a joint celebration between our teams, and maybe even Turruth Gordur, if those crazy guys can get past The Holy Empire. I know we’ll definitely see each other there, but… I want to see you before then. Call me…”

Outside the shower stalls, the Assegai players are still hooting and hollering. Neesa nonchalantly sneaks out of the darkness and rejoins her teammates.

IT'S..... THE WORLD CUP PLAYOFF SHOW!

With Basil and Theo!

"....discussing that MD9 Clesmire result again, Theo."

"Well, Basil, as I was saying, almost none of our watchers will be familiar with the Ordinary Reality teams we were facing this qualification campaign. Under these circumstances we could just make up whatever fantastic claims about the opposition we want to, but that's really not like us... Clesmire, for example, were one of the strongest teams in World Cup history between Cups 8 and 23, winning the tournament eight consecutive times, so with that sort of record, I'm sure it will come as little surprise that they were able to beat us 1-0."

"At home."

"Well, I know that a lot of the fans in the Hippodrome will have been disappointed to lose at home, Basil, but these things happen in football, especially against really top teams like Clesmire and Veitau. In fact, we had a dismal home record all around, losing to Assegai Developments, Clesmire, and Veitau, and drawing against the Archregimancy and Estresse Intenso. So we didn't win a single home match."

"Which is fairly dismal by any standard, Theo. Especially for a top ten team."

"Nonsense, Basil. I disagree entirely. That we were so fantastic on the road merely proves what a daunting prospect it can be to face a team as dangerous as ours."

"A team which happens to have the least threatening goalkeeper in World Cup history..."

"A team that has one of the most threatening midfields and defences in World Cup history, Basil. Imagine what's going to happen when the Bulgar Slayer, Guevara and Tzimisces face up to Turruth Gordur - and let's not forget that classical Socrates was in the Athenian army, while Wittgenstein was an officer in the Hapsburg artillery in the First World War...

"So you're not worried about statements like
“Are you deaf? I just said we have no fear or respect for The Holy Empire,” growls Harad. “Of course, I predict a victory for Turruth Gordur! Victory and a lot of pain! A lot of fear and panic! The Holy Empire better give their souls to their god, because their asses belong to us!”

"They're gravely underestimating our capacity for violence, Basil. As I said, with Basil II, Guevara and Tzimisces on the pitch - and Alexander Nevsky on the bench - we're a match for anyone in the slaughter stakes if we have to play that way, and I'd expect the blood to flow. Freely. The two sides will be lucky to finish with three players alive each if they get really carried away. The only difference is, we can conjure up an identical Dream Fusion squad (or pop down to the supermarket for more eggs) within 24 hours. They might have more problems replacing their own squad...."

The same small flat
Look, 32916. While I realise it was not only on your side that failed in this scheme, I am very disappointed that that the team got to the playoffs. I don't think the six divines are that happy either.

Okay, so what am I supposed to do now then.

You go to the playoff with Tynelia. Same story, make sure Swilatia loses. If you fail, you are definately going to ne sent to the WC.

And what's so special about this WC?

You don't want to know what I have there. However, you should prepare yourself for more pain then you could possibly enjoy.

You know what, I'm tired of this. There must be better ways to help the gods then to meddle in the affairs of a football team. I'm quitting this.

Oh, now you say you are leaving the gods, and helping that god-killers that our nation is over-run with? This is definately going to get you fent to the WC even sooner, while some-one else is at the match.

Don't make me laugh. I'm going to leave your silly game, like it or not. I'm going to jump.

Oh, go on, try. You won't fly. The gods won't help you.

So. This is just the second floor. I'll get away easily. And you will think what your gods really want.

Wyld Stallyns
WORLD CUP 35 SHOW

Ted: I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan

Bill: And I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire

Together: And We're Wyld Stallyns!!

Ted: We only one win away from the World Cup!!!

Bill: Yes, after a boring 0-0 draw with Daughrty, Bostopia drawing Bettia 0-0, We only had to wait for the UIE-Quakmybush match to finish to see if we would go home or to the playoffs.

Ted: With a couple minutes left in the match, Quak managed to score and SATIVAVILLE is going to the playoffs!

Bill: We have to play Zwangzug, and if ...no when we win, Sativaville will be in the WORLD CUP!

Ted: So everyone in Sativaville, ROOT for the POTHEADS! See you next time.

Bill: So Be Excellent to each other Sativaville, Wyld Stallyns Out!

A loud noise echoed through the offices of AFA as Leon Green slammed down a book on the table...

"We where so close... soooo close, yet to be denied at least the chance at Qualifying for the world cup because we couldn't score against a hapless Spruitland. Gah..."

... Well, at least we have next time...

The match was constantly see-sawing with many chances by the Darwinists to score, and that where dis-allowed due to an assault on one of the defenders or for being offside. It should have been a draw, a draw would have seen the Rightists into the play-offs. They had only just been knocked below the line 'cos they couldn't score a goal... they had no one else to blame apart from their selves. But that didn't stop the AFA from releasing a press release about the religious conspiracy.

"Once again we see the religious conspiracy at work, giving the Darwinists a taste at world Cup qualification and then snatching it away with dodgy calls. To be honest I don't think they gave us a chance at all to Qualify but when they saw that we had a chance to qualify and it was the Spruitlandish match that was the lynch pin for our campaign. And they hit us where it hurt. Right in the qulaification. Atheistic Right will not forget the conspiracy nor those nations that are actively participating in it."

------

Snake chuckled to himself, he had knocked out his only impediments from gaining Project Cobalt for himself. Now while he could just go back and take Cobalt with him. That wasn't his aim, if i was they would have just taken it ages.

What Snake wanted was to link up the two Project Cobalts and start a temporal cascade that would would not stop with Qazox, nor just the Q-Continuum, but with the entirity of the NS World. After many attempts in many ways at destroying the religious conspiracy plagueing the world people where just keeping on going blindly following the religions of the world. All of them false, this world wasn't fit for survival and so there was only one thing that Snake could do.

Kill, Kyle's wife and take the project for himself... but one had to be smart about the whole thing, Snake already had a plan, he knocked on the door of her lab, and pretending to be a concerned passer by he would lure her out of her protective surroundings and Kill her.

She was going to be dead anyway, it was either Kyle, him or the Temporal cascade so it didn't matter to him what happened, only that the temporal cascade would be maximised in power and destroy everything once and for all.

Qualification Play-offs RP Cutoff

..:: BazaClans World Cup 35 Qualification Play-offs Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12764042&postcount=11) ::..

Wyld Stallyns
WORLD CUP 35 SHOW

Ted: I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan

Bill: And I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire

Together: And We're Wyld Stallyns!!

Ted: We were so damnned Close!

Bill: Yes we were, A goal by Zwangzug's some-what appropriate name Phillip Stings, stung one home in the 87th minute, sending Zwangzug to their 1st World Cup.

Ted: And So now Sativaville takes up the mantle of: OLDEST TEAM NEVER TO QUALIFY FOR THE WORLD CUP.

Bill: Sad but true, as the Potheads are now 0-for-7 in the quest, 28 Years of futility, longer than either you or I have been alive.

Ted: True, So that concludes this show, Maybe we'll see you in four years.

Bill: So Be Excellent to each other Sativaville, Wyld Stallyns Out!

Two men are sitting in a cafe somewhere is Green wombat:

Man #1: I can't believe our plan actually worked!

Man #2: No shit, Bribe the media not to broadcast Wombati Football internationally for 6 years?. Cost us a crap load of sponsorship money from other countries, but Back-to Back World Cup appearances? Not even those dammed Oxen have done that.

Man #1: True, boy taking a page out of the Liverpool England handbook actually worked, but now I think the ban can be lifted, right?

Man #2: Hell yeah, I got offers from PINA, Q-Dish Network, hell, even SSN is offering us money, and they only use that for Doritos!

Man #1: And using Bill and Ted as Hosts? I'm surpised anyone watched that.

Man #2: What about that guy from Western Afghanistan? Half-Assed Jackson? Man I laughed my ass off so hard, I almost pissed my self, what a waste of air-time there.

Man #1: We since we've made the World Cup again, should we put out a press release?

Man #2: Hmmmm... No. If they want one, they'll have to pay us for it!

(both men laugh as they leave...)


(ooc: YES I can't believe I got into back-to-back World Cups w/o Rping anything... THANKS MARGARET!!!!... burns a rubber chicken)

It was a break for Jeruselem team who earned by automatic qualification after winning their last give qualifiers including beating Oliverry 2-1 to avenge their last loss. Everyone went home to be with their families including the coach Dazza Dallas. Dazza Dallas was in the kitchen wearing only a large T-Shirt and shoes while her daughter Kate was in the study with her husband Finn Fumbles - teaching him French. Jacinta Dallas was asleep in the nursery while Michael Dallas, the eldest son was out with his band the Kinky Kitties. There was a knock on the door, and it was Hikfie Dallas.

Dazza: Hello Hikfie, why are you here?
Hikfie: I heard you have rubber chickens!
Dazza: Lots of them, why do you ask?
Hikfie: I collect them, it's my hobbie.
Dazza: Follow me Chicken Little! Onto the chicken shed!

<Dazza Dallas leads Hikfie Dallas to a small shed outside>

Hikfie: Whoa, this is great! Can I pick and choose?
Dazza: Go ahead, I've got too many for any useful purpose.
Hikfie: You've got some real rare ones.
Dazza: Well, I'm no rubber chicken collector - so grab what you want. I like my cars better.

Hikfie: Oh yeah!
Dazza: You found something you like?
Hikfie: A brown green-fluorescent purple-spot pygmy duck rubber chicken! Those are so hard to find.
Dazza: I'm glad to be of service. I like making people happy.

<Hikfie puts selected chickens into a crate>

Hikfie: You're a champion Dazza! You've got the best rubber chickens outside of Milchama.
Dazza: Milchaman fans send them in but I'm a greenie so I don't want to burn them.
Hikfie: Tell me when the next batch come in.
Dazza: I will, I don't need rubber chickens. OK, they keep the kids occupied as toys but no appeal for me.

Hikfie: You want to see my collection?
Dazza: Not me, but Kate might. She likes clucky things.
Hikfie: I've got great collection including a Dazza rubber chicken!
Dazza: Really, what's that look like?

Hikfie: It's all pink, small and has your err private part ... you know which one.
Dazza: Kinky! For the perverts
Hikfie: I heard if you burn it to Maggie, you will have lots of sex and kids.
Dazza: Sounds about right.

Hikfie: I'm so happy!
Dazza: Hey, can I have of those Dazza chickens?
Hikfie: I've only got two but yes you can have one.
Dazza: Good stuff, I might need sacrifice it when I can't have kids anymore.

Hikfie: Kinky! Hey, there's someone over with binoculars looks at you.
Dazza: It's just the neighbours son. He wants to see if I'm wearing clothes or not.
Hikfie: Does that bother you?
Dazza: Nah, just stand there.

(Dazza flashes)

Hikfie: What was that for?
Dazza: He's make the effort, so might as well make it worthwhile.
Hikfie: You're weird ...
Dazza: Hey, I don't have rubber chicken fetish. Say, why rubber chickens?

Hikfie: I think my Dad is Milchaman.
Dazza: You calling your Mum a bike, worse than me? (smiling)
Hikfie: I just like rubber chickens ...

The Schiavone Scribe
Sloths Qualify, Apathy Grows

Well, Schiavonia have qualified for yet another cup. OK, so it wasn't plain sailing. We'd made it into the play-offs with two games left, but didn't seal qualification until we beat some Suze-la-Rousse on the last day.

But that's beside the point. The point is that the feelings of suspicion about everything in Schiavonia that have grown over te past few years have begun to turn to people just not caring at all. As seen by the number of reports about the Sloths that fans have seen fit to show the world over the past qualifying campaign.

Indeed, at one point, the SFF declared themselves out of World Cup 36. However, recent celebrations at qualifying (which, for people who've claimed to start to not care, seems a bit hypocritical), the country are back in for their eleventh cup in a row.

Sloths manager Tony Tarmey summed it up nicely, saying, "I think that while a lot of people here in Schiavonia have become more than suspicious of people, they still seem keen to prove that Schiavonia is a worthy nation. Our only problem is, if we keep going this way, we'll end up seeing the end of Schiavonia as we know it."

So what has happened to the open, happy and unassuming Schiavones that we once knew?

"I really don't know. Hell, even each island is becoming suspicious of each other. We need something to bring back the old spirit of Schiavonia, otherwise we could end up falling apart and going back to small groups of islands. And, deep down, I think that the people know we're stronger together."

Asked if the current apathy has divided his squad, Tarmey seemed adament that it hadn't.

"We're still as unified and focused as ever. Now, I think that if we can put in a decent performance in the finals, people will see that people from all over the islands can come together and be united as one."

And if we're rubbish?

"I really hope we're not going to be rubbish."

Jawalski: So, I'm glad to be done with talking about the WorldVision Song Contest. Anyway, what are we here for now?

Wiadzase: Well, we were trying to qualify for WC35. We actually got to a playoff with Tynelia. Unfortunately, we lost the playoff, kicking us out of the would cup. Now all we can hope for is winning the cup of harmony.

Jawalski: I am not surprised.

Wiadzase: What?? But our team really needs to qualify for once.

Jawalski: I agree with you, but it is still hardly surprising we lost. After all, we were a very attack centred team. They were a very defense-centred team. Obviously, it cancelled our making it hard for us to score goals. And since we have no defense, it was possible even for this kind of team to score goals past us.

Wiadzase: Yes, it makes sense. still, their goal was late into the second half, like 79 minutes or something like that.

Jawalski: Sure, but it does not matter when the goal happens. The team with more goals wins, it's that simple.

Wiadzase: Sure. If you want to think we livde in a ridiculously simple world, go ahead. Still, i'm just trying to point out that it was strange that this match did not go into penalty kicks.

Jawalski: So what. Do you even think you know who would win if it did?

Wiadzase: Um... let me get back to you on that one.

“Welcome everybody to Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s World Cup coverage. I’m your hostess Dinah Miller and I’d like to take this time to welcome my new co-host to the team, Tynalian soccer hall of famer Amy Whiteworth-Daniels. Welcome to the show Amy.”

“Thanks Dinah, its great to be here.”

“As some of you may not be aware of my former co-host Troy Wallace was let go after his tirade last program, but now we have one of his teammates ready to step in and take his place. And I’d like to say, this is the first time TSW has had two women hosting the program, so things will certainly be better now right Amy?”

<laughs> “Sure will Dinah.”

“Now lets get back to the action, a sudden death match with Swilatia for one of the six final playoff spots and we managed to pull through 1-0 on a Tina Conroy goal in the 79th minute as Mandy Martin came through with the shutout. This is a great day for Tynelian women in soccer it looks like Amy.”

“Mandy did very well today, slowing down a very aggressive Swilatia attack Dinah. The defense played well but an offensive minded team always finds some chances to score and Mandy was up to the task.”

“This is a big win for the team as well given their sorry record to date in knockout rounds. 1-1 in the BoF, 1-5 in the Dragonnii Inyvatti, and 3-5 in the CoH in the past never getting beyond the quarterfinals in any of them. This might give the team a boost come the Cup proper.”

“I’m not sure about that Dinah. You;’re right in one way, this is the first knockout match any of these players have ever been in and they showed their pride in managing to qualify for their third straight cup after some shaky performances. On the other hand, I was still playing for most of those other knockout matches so, other than Jay, none of them really experienced the losing efforts firsthand.”

“That’s true Amy. So do you think Mandy Moore’s shutout automatically puts her up with you and Vladimar Malloy as the greatest keepers of all time?”

“Don’t forget Sean MacDougal, after all he was the keeper for our last cup where we qualified so you can’t count him out. Still the sky is the limit for Mandy barring an injury. If she can keep this up for another cup or two then yes she should be mentioned in the same breath as myself and Vladimar. Right now she just needs to keep it up her high level for a longer period of time before we can start talking all time greatness. Don’t forget she’s only been playing five years now.”

“Fair enough. So how do you feel about the team’s chances in the Cup itself?”

“You can’t really say until we find out who we’re grouped with. As a playoff qualifer I’m sure the team will most likely be a bottom seed wherever we end up. Hopefully the draw will be kinder than our last two where we had a #1 team and Cup champion of two cups earlier in our group, and then last year ending up with the Cup champions again. On the other hand I guess you can say other teams will want to be grouped with us to ensure their chances of winning it all.”

“Any particular teams you’d like to see us face?’

“Off the top of my head, there’s no one team we’ve built any sort of rivalry with that makes me want to step up and say ‘yeah I can’t wait to see us play them.’ I do hope to avoid Arridia though, three times in the last cup and a half is plenty for now. I suppose it might be nice to see how we stack up against Bettia now. After facing them three times in our first five cups we haven’t played them in the last four. Of course the way they’re playing right now I’ll be happy to wait on that one too.” <laughs>

“Yes Bettia is red hot in the qualifiers, not the best team to face right now. Still our defense is playing excellently only giving up 7 goals in 11 matches.”

“The offense is having some trouble though Dinah, just under 1.5 goals a match, a bit below what fans are used to off the last couple of cups. That may not be enough when the cup itself begins.”

“Well I guess well all find out at least part of the puzzle once the draw is announced. Until then this is Dinah Miller for Amy Whiteworth-Daniels for the Tynelian Soccer Weekly crew wishing everyone a good night.”

The HURDists did not cope well with the situation. The first playoff result was very in disfavor of the tiny robots. Faure could have sworn something was wrong with them, but could not exactly mark it. They played horrible and even though qazox was far from well, the HURDists were not able to defend against their strikers - or score more goals than the oxen did. The time after the match was rather gloomy and the HURDists preferred not to speak about the world cup. The GNUs were stored in a room in Thompson university. When Faure had to go to this room again, because she forgot her ogg-vorbis player, she herd weird music and the sound of robots in motion. When she opened the door, she saw the GNUs, apparently dancing and celebrating. "eeep" she thought to herself and then: "Oh dear!"

In the end, it was fatigue that eventually did it. Jet lag from traveling home and away and wherever they were now had warped Yul's biological clock, though he was unaware of it for most of the game. So he played normally, booming shots traveling nowhere close to the Satitaville goal.

Midway through the second half, however, he crashed. Necessity mutated his powerful kicks into shorter passes, and with the decreased length came increased accuracy. This was the way Philip played, and it worked. With time running low, he was suddenly there, expertly taking the pass and sending it home.

Yul gave the little forward a thumbs-up that was faintly returned before play resumed. Satitaville barely put their heart into it for the final minutes.

"So, we're going 2 the cup," Yul beamed in a genuine effort to make conversation.

Philip nodded.

Oh well. He'd tried.

Back in the present/past/future:

ROCKPORT WORLD NEWS, Channel 7

Been 10 days now, and scientists are still puzzled as to way the Tachyon Cascade has not either grown or shrunk during that time. It appears to be in stasis at the momnet, which is buying time for all to figure out a way to reverse it. Despite the mandatory evacuations, an estimated 10,000 Qazoxians have moved back into the eastern part of the country, which still is not affected by the cascade. More on this story as it develops.

<Skip ahead to sports>

Qazox is going to the World Cup!!! Thanks to a goal by Yancy fry in the 23rd minute, and one by Tomas Richter in the 40th Qazox held of the robotic-threat of The HURD 2-1. So for the first time in months, the people of Qazox have some reason to celebrate. The Draw is scheduled for some time early next week, and QSPN will have live coverage of the draw.


And now back to the future/present/past:
June 10, 1911
PLACE Fromburg, Northeast part
TIME 1600 STANDARD

As Snake neared the main labortory, he kept staring at the shadows, but whatever it was that kept flickering into his view, was beginning to annoy him.
'Almost there and soon the entire world shall pay for their religous crimes against the A.R.' he chuckled as he finally reached the main door.

As Snake opened up the door, he was very much surprised when Kyle Cartman grabbed his arm from behind and turned him around.

"But, how? I threw you off the cliff! I saw you die!" Snake yelled at him.

"Yes, you did, but didn't they ever teach you that you can't kill an immortal?" Kyle replied. "Besides thanks for doing the dirty work for me. Do you really think that I had killed my ex-wife? Snake, this is the 5th time we've been through this, but now it ends."

"Wait a minute.. 5th time? You mean to tell me we've done this before?" Snake questioned.

"Yes. Every time you've gotten closer, and this time you almost got it, but I finally figured out how to stop this damn loop. You see, each of the 4 previous times, You come here, kill my wife, i meet you here and stop you, but not until after PROJECT COBALT comes on-line. But there's one difference this time. My Wife is not here. I lied to you, she hasn't found the artifact yet, in fact she'll be here in about 6 hours with it. But this time it won't ever be on-line." Kyle replied

"But how did it go on-line each of the last four times? and how did it start in the first place?" Snake asked, slowly moving towards the machine that would start the project.

Gorgol “The Butcher” Harad stomps out of his team’s dressing room. Despite his team having just lost to The Holy Empire 0-2 in extra time, he doesn’t seem to be as enraged as might be expected. A reporter dressed completely in black approaches him.

“Gorgol, what a tough loss for your team, losing like that in extra time,” says the reporter as Harad rubs his fists together. “During 110 minutes, Turruth Gordur matched the No. 9 team in NationStates in every facet, and then everything fell apart in the last 10 minutes of extra time. Your thoughts?”

The Butcher narrows his gaze and stares down at the thin young man before him. “We played harder than we ever have tonight. They were very physical and so were we, but we were prepared for that. Our players are cut from steel, not butter. No one limped off the field or has complained about tonight’s physical play. However, they were the stronger team tonight, and the score reflects that. Perhaps in the near future, as our football improves, we can readily defeat The Holy Empire, but not tonight.”

The reporter stares at The Butcher for a few seconds, perhaps surprised that The Butcher hadn’t exploded into an expletive-riddled diatribe.

“Well, then, is there anything positive that Turruth Gordur can take from this match?” the reporter asks.

The Butcher nods. “Indeed. It proves that our football can no longer be ignored. It proves that pure brute strength and sheer will power can take you very far. The team has progressed well and I think we will qualify for the next Proper. Of course, we will leave broken bodies and shattered egos in our wake. We are Turruth Gordur, after all. We are the team that you hate to face and the one that keeps you up at night, dreading the moment that you step onto the pitch. We’ll be back.”

The Butcher punches a nearby wall, leaving a huge crater, and strides off.

Snake just hissed at Kyle...

"It took you 5 triesssss to work it out?" he hissed laughing ...

"Immortal you may be but being smart is seeminly at odds."

Snake moved ever so closer to the device, his body language that of one careless indiference. If there was anything that snake could do, it was convince those around him with a silver tongue that indeed black was white.

If he could just keep Kyle talking for long enough he should be able to start twisting the words around ...

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

IMPERIAL SQUAD QUALIFIES IN LAST-GASP EFFORT
Turruth Gordur Faced Down by Basil II

By Anna Comneno


Basil II the 'Bulgar-Slayer'... greatest of the Byzantine Emperors, defender for the Holy Empire's strangely disjointed World Cup 35 squad, and now Imperial hero for his almost single-handed defiance of Turruth Gordur in last night's World Cup playoff.

Press reports from Turruth Gordur before the match suggested that Gorgol "The Butcher" Harad had underestimated the Imperial Squad's capacity for mindless violence on a scale that outmatched anything even "The Butcher" could muster, but Basil II knew better - for Basil had led the Byzantine army at the infamous Battle of Kleidon.

To quote the history books: "Finally, on July 29, 1014, Basil II outmaneuvered the Bulgarian army in the Battle of Kleidion, with Samuel [Tsar of the Bulgarians] separated from his force. Having crushed the Bulgarians, Basil was said to have captured 15,000 prisoners and blinded 99 of every 100 men, leaving 150 one-eyed men to lead them back to their ruler, who fainted at the sight and died two days later suffering a stroke."

Compared to this, Gorgol Harad's mild claims that "we will leave broken bodies and shattered egos in our wake ... We are the team that you hate to face and the one that keeps you up at night, dreading the moment that you step onto the pitch" seemed increasingly hollow.

And it was Basil II who stood up to Turruth Gordur on the day, twice hacking the ball off the goal line, twice hacking down the opposing forwards, and twice setting up Alan Belmore in extra time to score the goals that took the Holy Empire to the World Cup Finals. Just. Again, the rest of the team were surprisingly lacklustre, and the entire nation must be holding its breath over the Imperial Squad's chances, despite Vonmadscientisto's ongoing claims that 'efferythink is going according to the plan, nein?'

But at least Imperial Fans aren't reduced to supporting the Archregimancy, whose brilliant qualifying campaign one point out of first surely guarantees another disappointingly early exit for everyone's favourite Orthodox monastic footballers.

World Cup Group Stage Draw Complete

Groups 1-4 are heading to The Lowland Clans (Scorinated by Bazalonia)
Groups 5-8 are heading to Bazalonia (Scorinated by TLC)

There will be a brief pause pose Draw announcement before scorination continues... Thank you.

Group 1
Elves Security Forces (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12683255&postcount=7)
The Lowland Clans (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12775914&postcount=55)
Sel Appa (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12700355&postcount=32)
Quakmybush (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12691925&postcount=19)

Group 2
Capitalizt Slani (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12693940&postcount=24)
Wentland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12701041&postcount=36)
Rejistania (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12704795&postcount=39)
Northern Bettia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12709071&postcount=46)

Group 3
Bettia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12693053&postcount=20)
Jeruselem (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12682952&postcount=6)
Tynelia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12685094&postcount=10)
Qazox (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12683418&postcount=8)

Group 4
Schiavonia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12693053&postcount=20)
Alasdair I Frosticus (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12708274&postcount=44)
Fmjpheonix
Turori

Group 5
Milchama (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12691801&postcount=18)
Oliverry (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12704431&postcount=38)
Bazalonia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12682878&postcount=3)
Yafor 2

Group 6
Ariddia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12709091&postcount=47)
Geisenfried
Zwangzug (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12686235&postcount=12)
Acapais (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12690192&postcount=17)

Group 7
Squornshelous (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12696434&postcount=30)
Errinundera (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12682811&postcount=2)
Vilita
Assegai Developments (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12716163&postcount=49)

Group 8
Az-cz (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12685266&postcount=11)
Demot (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12700253&postcount=31)
The Archregimancy (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12708835&postcount=45)
Green Wombat (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12687860&postcount=15)

Fixtures:

MD1: 4 vs. 1, 2 vs. 3
MD2: 1 vs. 3, 4 vs. 2
MD3: 2 vs. 1, 4 vs. 3

QSPN FOOTBALL SPECIAL

Will Wuckner: Welcome to the WORLD CUP 35 Draw and prediction show. The World Cup Draw has taken place earlier tonight and without further ado the Groups:

THE LOWLAND CLANS BRACKET

Group 1
Elves Security Forces
The Lowland Clans
Sel Appa
Quakmybush

Group 2
Capitalizt Slani
Wentland
Rejistania
Northern Bettia

Group 3
Bettia
Jeruselem
Tynelia
Qazox

Group 4
Schiavonia
Alasdair I Frosticus
Fmjpheonix
Turori

THE BAZALONIA BRACKET

Group 5
Milchama
Oliverry
Bazalonia
Yafor 2

Group 6
Ariddia
Geisenfried
Zwangzug
Acapais

Group 7
Squornshelous
Errinundera
Vilita
Assegai Developments

Group 8
Az-cz
Demot
The Archregimancy
Green Wombat

And Qazox's Schedule for the World Cup:

MD1: vs. Bettia
MD2: vs. Jeruselem
MD3: vs. Tynelia

Wuckner: Let's take a look at Qazox' group, Group 3:

BETTIA:
Current Rank: 4th
Last Cup: World Cup 34, Round of 16
Last Title: World Cup 33
Number of WC Titles: 1
Qazox' Record against: First meeting.
Qualifing Record and Finish: 8-2-0 26pts, 1st in Group 9, Auto-Qualifier.

A tough team to have drawn into the group, as they are one of the more dominate teams in the Cup recently. One of the early favorites to win the Cup.

JERUSELEM: 9th
Last Cup: World Cup 34, Group Stages
Last Title: None
Number of WC Titles: 0
Qazox' Record against: 0-0-1
Last Match: World Cup 31 Group play (Jeruselem 3-2)
Qualifing Record and Finish: 8-1-1 25pts, 2nd in Group 5, Auto-Qualifier.

Our old rivals in the Women's World Cup, Jeruselem is led by old foe, Dazza Dallas. One of those teams that has the talent to win a cup, but somehow always falls just a bit short.

TYNELIA: 23rd
Last Cup: World Cup 34, Group Stages
Last Title: None
Number of WC Titles: 0
Qazox' Record against: 1-0-2
Last Match: 4th Draggonnii Inviyattii, Group Stages (Tynelia 2-1)
Qualifing Record and Finish: 5-2-3 17pts, 3rd in Group 4, Def. Swilatia in Playoff 1-0

Our oldest rival, but one we haven't faced in almost 30 years. Each of our countries started World Cup play at the same time, (just Before WC 27). Niether side has had much success intenationally, but one of these two squads will be the first team from the Class of 27 to win a World Cup.

QAZOX: 32nd
Last Cup: World Cup 33, Group Stages
Last Title: None
Number of WC Titles: 0
Qazox' Record against: N/A
Last Match: N/A
Qualifing Record and Finish: 5-1-4 16pts, 3rd in Group 1, Def. The HURD in Playoff 2-1.

Wuckner: After this commerical break, The predictions, as voted upon at QSPN.com.

Activity in the BFSA was hectic... upgrades to the stadiums where just about done, the draw had been decided and so have the fixtures. However there was still so many jobs to do. Determine whowas to play where and when. What Stadiums would be used for the World Cup Knockouts, and the new kits as well.

With the fall of Krytenia and JMC that meant that they had to find a new kit maker... and fast. For the first time that job had been handed to a Bazalonian company however they kept it secret. No one knew what it would look like, not even the models where measured and fitted with just plane white kits. Assurances where made by BazaKits that indeed the Kit would not be all plain white they assured that "they kits will be based on the three Bazalonian colours", those being Black, white and Gold.

The unveiling was still a few days away but still most of the teams knew alot about Bazalonia and so while this probably wasn't necessary DFAT was breathing down his neck.

And so he sent the following letter to the nations coming to Bazalonia to compete in the world cup.


Dear <insert name> of the <insert name of National FA>;

Due to the recently publicised Draw for the World Cup, your nation will be coming to Bazalonia to compete in the group stage of the tournament. The Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade in association with the BFSA and the Department of Sports and Recreation have created a guide and website for the fans as well as the national teams and support staff coming to Bazalonia. Including ways for fast Visa's and other aspects of coming to a new nation including a brief un down of expected behaviour, locations of the stadiums being used and maps of the area, many hotels, motels, bread & breakfasts and other accomodation with Bazalonia that has been rated by our local Motoring Association. As well as information about other side events that will be going on during Bazalonia.

Congratulations on qualifying for the world cup and we hope your time in Bazalonia will be fruitful. For more information please visit the website www.bfsa.com.bz or www.FootballingBazalonia.gov.bz. Thank you.

Yours Sincerly, Andrew Coulter, President of the BFSA

Az-cz Scroll
Az-cz
Il-Lur

It's that time again, for me to amuse Az-czzers and annoy everyone else with my madcap predictions for the future. With the qualification stage over and the draw upon us it's time for my second set of world cup predictions. Let's start out with our team.

Group 8

This is a group that's very pleasing but also very worrisome to us. This is the second time in five cups The Lowland Clans have hosted and the second time we've been very pleased to avoid travelling there. Not cause we have anything against the Clans, but last cup was with our good friends in Vilita, with a ton of surf people already there and this time we're just a short boat ride from our good friends in Bazalonia. There we'll be joined by Demot, The
Archregimancy and Green Wombat. Based on historical matchups we ought to be just fine. We beat Demot twice in world cup 33, Archregimancy in WC34 and Green Wombat twice in qualifying back in WC31. We've never lost to any of the teams in world play, though Demot did score victory against us in the AOCAF. Both Archregimancy and Demot our scary, but with both our fans heading over in serious numbers and the support of the Bazalonians we ought to find a way to the top of the group. Demot and Archregimancy will be a tight battle but I think the monks are finally do for some good luck and move on at Demot's expense. Green Wombat will be nothing but a spoiler.

Group 7

Assuming normal distribution these are the teams we'll play. Our history with these teams is considerably less. We've never met any of them in competitive world play. We have one friendly against Squornshelous, this cup. And we played the eel-cats in the most recent AOCAF. That's it. This group is all over the place. Squornshelous is the favorites but struggled in qualifying. Errinundera is nearly the same. Vilita is the third and played just about as expected and Assegai Developments overperformed. I think Errinundera will top the group and Assegai Developments will take second leaving Squornshelous wondering what happened.

Group 6

The group of death. You have the defending champs, who despite some struggles, still couldn't be beat in qualifying. You've got Geisenfried, who's made two of the last three quarterfinals and ran away from their qualifying group. You've got Zwangzug who nearly made the second round last cup and is one of the best up and coming teams. And you've got Acapais who dominated their tough qualifyiing group and tied for the third best record. None of those teams can be pleased. Acapais just got bad luck and will see things are tougher on the big stage. Expect Ariddia to find a way
to come out on top and Zwangzug will get the suprise they fell so short of last cup and leave Geisenfried behind.


Group 5

Now the group of our good friends and hosts Bazalonia. They have two other teams well known to Az-cz fans in Milchama and Oliverry in their group, which means the hosts didn't get any favors from their draw. Yafor 2 is the dog meat that those three will tear apart. So who will be the unlucky team this time through? I think it will be Milchama. Just as we got revenge for WC32 in WC33 as hosts, Bazalonia will get revenge for WC32 in WC35 as hosts,
but it will be Oliverry, one of the strongest looking teams this cup who tops the group.

Group 1

Heading over to The Lowland Clans we find the Clansmen with two of our good friends and our whipping boy. Those teams being Elves Security Forces, Quakmybush and Sel Appa. Elves Security Forces is playing just too well for any of those teams to slow them down. I'm hoping that Quakmybush gets some good luck and steals second so I'll predict that on good faith. Third will be the Clansmen and the turtles will bring up the rear.

Group 2

Group 2 has big names but is one of the weakest groups. Commerce Heights, Rejistania, and Wentland all just avoided the playoffs and Northern Bettia actually had to come through them. None of these teams are really playing up to their potential so it's hard to guess who'll come through. I think Commerce Heights will make it to the top just based on their talent advantage and I'll guess Northern Bettia comes through as well, but really it's anyone guess.

Group 3

Two good friends and world powers square off and leave two more recent rivals behind. Bettia and Jeruselem should finish 1 and 2 easily enough. Something tells me Qazox will win the battle of playoff teams to take third. And Tynelia will once again be left wondering how to accheive success in the group stage of the cup.

Group 4

Another group that isn't as good as the names will lead you to believe. Schiavonia is not the team who dominated qualifying the past few cups. And Alasdair I Frosticus and Turori both needed playoffs to come through. Fmjphoenix was the easiest qualifier in the group, but that's just because Cafundeu collapsed. Watching them in our group there was nothing impressive about their play. Alasdair I Frosticus looks to be the team most motivated to top the group and out of my hat I'll call Turori stealing the second spot, but either of the other teams could do it as well.

The Bazalonia groups are overwhelmingly the more difficult. Elves Security Forces, Bettia and Jeruselem are the only top teams in the Clans where as Bazalonia has Ariddia, Milchama, us, Oliverry, Squornshelous, Vilita, and Demot. So the matches in Bazalonia will be the ones to watch. Following normal match procedures here are the expected 2nd round matchups:

Elves Security Forces v Northern Bettia
Bettia v Turori
Commerce Heights v Quakmybush
Alasdair I Frosticus v Jeruselem
Oliverry v Zwangzug
Errinundera v Archregimancy
Ariddia v Bazalonia
Az-cz v Assegai Developments

Elves Security Forces will beat Northern Bettia to deprive us of an all Bettia battle as the Aroras will top Turori. Commerce Heights will send Quakmybush home and Jeruselem will roll past Alasdair I Frosticus. Oliverry will have too much power for Zwangzug. Someone's bad luck will have to give but I think it will be the monks extending Errinundera's second round misery. Ariddia's host run will be put to an end as Bazalonia gets revenge for the 13-12 PK killer from a few cups back. And we'll get past Assegai Developments for our third straight quarterfinals. Here are the quarterfinal matchups:

Elves Security Forces v Bettia
Commerce Heights v Jeruselem
Oliverry v Archregimancy
Bazalonia v Az-cz

In what could be the best matchup all cup Bettia will find away to outscore the elves in a wild one. Jeruselem will continue it's charge and make their second semifinals. Oliverry will do the same and we'll fall to the hosts ending a nice run for us. Leaving these semifinal matchups:

Bettia v Jeruselem
Oliverry v Bazalonia

Two good friends will be fighting for another trip to the finals. Bettia will once again prove to have Jeruselem's number as they will advance to their second finals. On the other side Bazalonia will take advantage of home field and make this the third consecutive cup where a host has made the finals.

Third Place Playoff

Jeruselem v Oliverry

The rubber match between these teams who played almost even in the group stage. Oliverry was the better team then, but expect the crusaders to get the last laugh as they make their second top three.

Finals

Bettia v Bazalonia

This was my precup pick and I see no reason to deviate from it. And like I said at the start expect the Bettians to be the champs, meaning Bazalonia joins us on the list of host teams falling in the finals and Bettia joins the list of two time champs.

Elven Times
Conspiracy?

Well I'm not one to point fingers and propose corruption often, but looking at the draw results, it seems that there could of possibly been some slip of hands to favor friend nations. I don't think this to be the case, but with relatively easy draw for Bazalonia, it could be percieved that way. In addition, Ariddia has been granted a group that they would have to not show up for in order to not proceed farther. Granted that this is footy and anything is possible at any given matchday, but if the teams go on form, things have shaken out nicely for the hosts and a few of their "friend" nations. With that said, I'll leave it all at that and move on to the group predictions and break downs, however fruitless they may turn out to be.

Predictions
Group 1
Elves Security Forces (5)
The Lowland Clans (16)
Sel Appa (20)
Quakmybush (27)

Well he we are, snuggled into the first group, oh so nicely with the hosts and former bidding partners The Lowland Clans, along with semi rivals of Quakmybush, and the hated bastards of Sel Appa. Well the figures and talent says that the Marauders and the hated Turtles should advance through this tough group, the intagables would say that the Clansmen and Quakmybush have the better odds. While Quakmybush has flattened out since their jump onto the scene in World Cup 29, they still pose a fierce threat. The Marauders not only need to show their muscle for the points in the first meeting, but to shut them up and prove that the Elves are the class of World Cup 29. Sel Appa will be trouble, espicially after toppling the Dynamo of Demot for top honors in their qualfiying group. Regardless, another win against the Turtles should be enough for the Marauders to clinch next round advancement before the big showdown on the last group matchday with hosts Lowland Clans, who will be sure to mark their power and show they deserved to hosts.

Predicted Finish
Elves Security Forces
The Lowland Clans
Quakmybush
Sel Appa

Group 2
Capitalizt Slani (6)
Wentland (12)
Rejistania (22)
Northern Bettia (26)

The fomer champs of the Slani federation of Commerce Heights should really have no problems, not even with Rejistania, rivals of old for them. The Fire Ants of Northern Bettia should prove to cause alot of trouble, with their rowdy fans and distruptive behavior. However, Rejistania will find their spark and slip in past the Fire Ants thanks to a better goal differential, while the defensive weirdos of Wentland will go home pointless.

Predicted Finish
SLANI
Rejistania
Northern Bettia
Wentland

Group 3
Bettia (4)
Jeruselem (9)
Tynelia (23)
Qazox (32)

Oh Auroras, do you fare so well that even a bimbo will not become a detour on your path to success? With a Dallas on the squad, you know the Jerus are just as good looking as their football skills, but Bettia knows how to throw their wieght around and should edge out the Crusaders. Meanwhile, the rogue Tynelians have enough in their tanks to blow past the bastard Oxen of Qazox and right into a decent third place finish. They are still a Cup or two away from the knockouts, but they are getting there.

Predicted Finish
Bettia
Jeruselem
Tynelia
Qazox

Group 4
Schiavonia (8)
Alasdair I Frosticus (10)
Fmjpheonix (25)
Turori (28)

Can you call this the Group of Death? Well you could, but Group 7 looks alot more dangerous, but just by a hair. The Holy Empire will definately be looking to prove that their qualifying play was but a small chink in their armor and show why they are considered one of the greatest nations of all time. Schiavonia is dangerous as always, but they do not have the detirmination that the Frosticuns will have to dominate the group, they will however take care of Fmjphoenix and Turori, and slide into the knockouts without much hassle otherwise.

Predicted Finish
Alasdair I Frosticus
Schiavonia
Turori
Fmjpheonix

Group 5
Milchama (7)
Oliverry (14)
Bazalonia (18)
Yafor 2 (30)

While Milchama might be the highest ranked in the squad, they are not the most dangerous squad in the group. With the Bazalopes hosting, their home field advantage is clearly enough for them to win the group, likely with just a mere five points. Oliverry will tag along with Bazalonians, quite possibly on goal differential over the Milchamians, while the horse lovers will have to be wary of a Yafor 2 upset as well.

Predicted Finish
Bazalonia
Oliverry
Milchama
Yafor 2

Group 6
Ariddia (1)
Geisenfried (13)
Zwangzug (24)
Acapais (31)

The defending champions have nothing in their way as they will undoubtly march proudly into the knockouts, as only thirteenth ranked Geisenfried will be anything close to a test for the founders of the competition. The fairy tale story of Acapais will come to an end and in a very harsh manner, likely going pointless, as the clever Zwangzug side has enough wits about them to overcome the Geisenfried talent to squad ever so closely into the next round, cementing them as an upcoming power.

Predicted Finish
Arridia
Zwangzug
Geisenfried
Acapais

Group 7
Squornshelous (5)
Errinundera (15)
Vilita (19)
Assegai Developments (29)

So, two nations that ESFians support, and two that we are really apathetic to. Sadly, the two squads that ESFians would cheer on are the underdogs in the groups, as the Vilitians and Assegains come in with little chance in the way of things. But my bias and gut tells me that the talent level will be equalised by good tactics that these "weaker" sides will employ, and be enough to see them through over the favorites. Assegai will at long last get their trip past the group stage, while Vilita's rise back into the elite will be nearly complete.

Predicted Finish
Vilita
Assegai Developments
Errinundera
Squornshelous

Group 8
Az-cz (2)
Demot (11)
The Archregimancy (17)
Green Wombat (33)

So you say you want a Group of Death do you? Well this is clearly it. Three elite squads, one with history with the other two, and all with enough talent to win the entire tournament. With the Gnomes, Dynamo, and Monks all fighting for the spots to move on, Green Wombat might get luck on their side with the lack of attention and surprise them all and move on through. However, I think that the Dynamo refind their form and stop the Monks current upside, while the Gnomes do just enough to keep Demot from the top spot.

Predicted Finish
Az-cz
Demot
Archregimancy
Green Wombat

Schedule
MD1: Quakmybush vs. ESF
MD2: ESF vs. Sel Appa
MD3: The Lowland Clans vs. ESF

Article by Luna Santapa

OOC: :D

Noz-Tf was a bit bemused by the letter he recieved from Andrew Coulter. He figured that as neighbors and good friends Andrew would have taken the time to adress the letter directly to Noz-Tf rather than leave it as Dear <insert name> of the <insert name of National FA>. He wasn't too upset at a form letter, since he knew the stress of running a cup, but he was suprised that they couldn't take the time to have their secretaries look up the pertinent information. So he decided to send back this reply.



Dear <insert name> of the <insert name of National FA>,

We in Az-cz have a long history of travelling to <insert name of nation> and aren't particularly worried about travelling their. Due to the special fast track travel process from our country to <insert name of nation> I don't expect any problems. But I appreciate your kind letter and will be looking forward to visiting <insert name of nation> again. I've instructed our fans to be on their best behavior and I wouldn't worry about too much being stolen, but you know how it goes. Anyways we appreciate your work as <insert title of world cup position> and in organizing this event. Best luck against your opponents in group play. And give my regards to <insert name of former Az-cz national team coach who now coaches <<insert name of nation>> >

Noz-Tf
Az-cz Football Federation

Jeruselem Government News

Gold "Goddess" on auction and the World Cup 35 draw.

A specially produced edition of the Jeruselem World Cup Centenary "Goddess" statue aka naked Dazza Dallas holding a football in the air, will be auctioned later today. It is a once-off item made from solid Gold with jewels encrusted for her eyes and the football. The winner of the auction if they are at the auction will have the item personally presented to them by Dazza Dallas herself, clothed but we can't assume she'll stay that way.

There is only of these items so if you want it, get to the auction as International football collectors will be there too. "Dazza Dallas without clothes" memorabilia is big business so be prepared to spend real money for this item.

Royal watchers have been interested in the Crown Prince's current girlfriend. He's only 12 but he's been seen getting friendly with a girl called Kate. A female student from St Marys's Jeruselem Catholic Girls School. You guessed it, it's Kate Dallas - Dazza's first daughter. We're not joking here.

The Crown Prince often sneaks in on her games without any attention as an ordinary person and he rarely misses any of her big games. Kate Dallas is not your ordinary schoolgirl - she's turning out a bit too much like her mother which isn't exactly news. So why Kate Dallas, who's mother is a conversative's worse nightmare? The best person to ask is the Crown Prince himself who has not commented on the matter yet.

Now, the World Cup 35 draw! We have bulldozed into the Lowland Clans bracket and placed in Group 3. So what you say? Who is in the Group?

Firstly - BETTIA. Yes, we run into our friends all the time and once again Bettia are in the way. Bettia were undefeated during qualifying and finished with 8-2-0 record to be best team in that group. They will be team to beat.

Tynelia is our next opponent, 3rd placed in Group 4 and had to sneak in after beating Swilatia 1-0. Their record 5-2-3 is not exactly inspiring but then that are still in this cup. One of teams we must beat, should we lose to Bettia.

Qazox - yes, they are back to annoy us. An old rivalry from another cup and we do have a former coach of that cup as the Jeruselem Coach so Qazox know what to expect from the Jeruselem team. But the Jeruselem isn't here to be nice, so the Ox must be slain too for us to make the 2nd round. Their record 5-1-4 is not inspiring either, and they need Bettia to down us and Tynelia to make the next stage.

Jeruselem - yes, us if you can't work out what country we are talking about. Our record of 8-1-1 to finish 2nd on goal difference is as good as the Bettian one so most pundits will favour us and Bettia as we found out last cup, we can fail like any other team. We did look a bit weak last cup, so far Dazza's team look a lot better and are scoring more goals with the attacking +2 and oddly, they have conceded very few goals so far too.

Other groups! We don't post these anymore as the International press is so full of predictions, we'd do a terrible job in comparison. Please read the other news predictions, as well you don't have a shortage of what could happen.

Milchamans! Dazza Dallas wants you to send your rubber chicken gifts to Hikfie Dallas and not her. She's got too many and Hikfie is collectors of these things, so please send to Hikfie instead. However, Dazza does want the "Dazza" rubber chicken variety still. That's the little pink one with her private part.

QSPN FOOTBALL SPECIAL

Will Wuckner: Welcome back to the WORLD CUP 35 Draw and prediction show. We've slightly previewed Qazox' Group and here's a quick look at the other 7 groups:


Group 1
Elves Security Forces (5)
The Lowland Clans (16)
Sel Appa (20)
Quakmybush (27)

The Over-Achievers group.
ESF managed to get into the Semis in WC34, on sheer skill. TLC is in as a co-host, Sel Appa how they ever got past Qualifing no one but Margaret knows, and Quakmybush, got in on the first try wayback when. My Guts tell me go with the hot feet so to speak, so that means: ESF and QUAK.


Group 2
Capitalizt Slani (6)
Wentland (12)
Rejistania (22)
Northern Bettia (26)

The Fading Powers Group.
All of these teams (excepting N. Bettia) have either won a cup or have been in the finals or at least the semis. And N. Bettia broke off from Bettia, one of the powers, but based on recent performances, no-one from this group is going to take home the Cup. My Gut says go with the least Faded which are: WENTLAND and REJI.


Group 4
Schiavonia (8)
Alasdair I Frosticus (10)
Fmjpheonix (25)
Turori (28)

The old-fogeys group. All of these teams have been in more world cups than almost every other team in this Cup. AIF is coming back from the dead, while FMJ and Turori are in a holding phase. My Gut says: Go with experience so AIF and Schiavonia are though.


Group 5
Milchama (7)
Oliverry (14)
Bazalonia (18)
Yafor 2 (30)

The group of bridesmaids (except for Oliverry). Each of these teams has come so close to the cup they practically touched it, but they didn't. My gut says: BAZ and OLI as at least one host has to go through right?


Group 6
Ariddia (1)
Geisenfried (13)
Zwangzug (24)
Acapais (31)

The 2nd place Group. Why? Cause only a complete physical breakdown will not see the Defending Champs through. Besides them? My gut says: go with ones who have been there, so Geisenfried will join Ariddia.


Group 7
Squornshelous (5)
Errinundera (15)
Vilita (19)
Assegai Developments (29)

The Name group (excepting Vilita). Teams with long names or hard to spell ones seem to do well in the Cup, so my gut says: Sqourn and Erri go through.


Group 8
Az-cz (2)
Demot (11)
The Archregimancy (17)
Green Wombat (33)

THE GROUP OF DEATH. No other group has 3 teams ranked in the top 17. Demot was just damn lucky in WC34, and GW will die, so Az-cz and Arch are through.


Group 3
Bettia (4)
Jeruselem (9)
Tynelia (23)
Qazox (32)

The Qazox' Group. We are basically screwed. Bettia and Jeruselem are playing a level above us and should qualify easily. So we must beat Tynelia and hope some how either Bettia or Jeruselem don't show up to go through.

And now for the QSPN.com predictions:
Please note the following:
teams in Italics are the 2 teams from each group that were voted most likely to advance, while the 4 teams in Bold are the top 4 vote getters for predicted Champions.


Group 1
Elves Security Forces
The Lowland Clans
Sel Appa
Quakmybush

Group 2
Capitalizt Slani
Wentland
Rejistania
Northern Bettia

Group 3
Bettia
Jeruselem
Tynelia
Qazox

Group 4
Schiavonia
Alasdair I Frosticus
Fmjpheonix
Turori

Group 5
Milchama
Oliverry
Bazalonia
Yafor 2

Group 6
Ariddia
Geisenfried
Zwangzug
Acapais

Group 7
Squornshelous
Errinundera
Vilita
Assegai Developments

Group 8
Az-cz
Demot
The Archregimancy
Green Wombat

Bazalonia stadiums have been going under constrant upgrading due to the frequency of hosting, however hosting the World Cup has seen the most improvements to date for all Bazalonian stadiums.

TeleBaz Stadium:
A mangificent piece of Sporting architecture that has started to seem a bit out-dated. Tis stadium has gone under massive renovations not only to increase it's visual appeal but also seating and exits as well as a number of new facilities including new BazaBurgers restaurant. Golden Bazalopes still adorn the walk way into the main entrance. Seats: 89,120 + Standing

SeaBazalope Arena:
SeaBazalope Arena has been totally re-developed to massively increase it's seating capacity and to give it more of a sea theme, which goes with it's name and the fact that it is in Bazalonia's major Sea-Port. Seats: 61,421 + Standing

Drago Soccer Field(DSF):
Being Obviously situated in the city of Drago, the DSF has been a sporting instution in Bazalonia a long time but even this stadium received a long needed make over and substantial increase in seating. It is beleived that the new design is in keeping with the style and traditions of the old stadium but with a new and modern twist. Seats 69,980 + Standing

Stadium Verona:
Stadium Verona situatied in the idealic city of Hughestown which was founded on a plataeu near an ancient, now dead, Volcano - Mt Hughes, Stadium Verona was one of the few stadium that not much was needed to be done too. Still there was an increase in seating the needed to be done and Stadium sponsor, Verona Inc has stated that one person that attends or plays in the stadium will get a Free Verona Prospero. (Random, depending on teams, options will be Bazalonia, Team 1, team 2... IF one of the teams is Bazalonia welll, the likely hood is going to be quite high.) Seats: 73,006 + Standing

Via Voleta:
Via Voleta Dome was the nations biggest stadium until TeleBaz Stadium and CBBC Dome. It is located in Pinksford, the generally conservative populace of Pinksford has no tollerance for any sort of rowdy or "morally-lacking" behaviour. The Satidum did recieve some Minor seating increases. Seats: 83,470 + Standing

Trevton City Enclosed Field:
Trevton city Enclosed Field is the smallest of the Bazalonian stadiums but has great amenities provided by the local council and business, with the support of the community and business sponsorship and entirely new complex was built. It now seats more than double it's previous capacity though not directly controlled by the BFSA TCEF is the pinnacle of community sports grounds. Seats: 67,130 + Standing

CBBC Dome:
CBBC Dome rivals TeleBaz in the battle for the best Stadium in Bazalonia, a battle that it seems to be loosing with absolutely nothing done for the stadium since it was new enough TeleBaz has eclipsed it. Perhaps discussions are going to improve. Seats: 81,003 + Standing

Georgetown Nova Stadium:
The highest Altitude stadium in Bazalonia, in Georgetown where even during the summer the nights can get quite chilly, luckily as t is currently summer you won't have to play in the raining/snowing/sleeting conditions however any teams playing here are recommended to bring their thermasl... just in case. The Stadium's major upgrade has been internal heating so the people in the stands watching the game won't get 2 cold though a few thousand extra seats have also been added. Seats: 61,850 + Standing

The information to the media about the stadiums had gone out... All that was left for him to do was to let the coach of the Bazalopes do their thing and announce their new kits.

This was a nervous time, not having seen any sort of product at any stage of the time-frame. The makers gave all assurances but without anyone to give any external criticism well, Andrew had no idea exactly how the kits would go down. but either way it was his job to introduce the kits to the world.

"Thank you everyone for coming, it's been a long time coming but finally the kits for World Cup 35, I'd like to point out that I am just as much as in the dark as to what these kits are and so because I personally am itching to find out. Would the models please come onto stage."

The models did, it was Peter Hobble and Andrew "The Bandit" Creek... showing off the Wolrd Cup kit, the stars of Bazalonian football some time ago.

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f387/Bazalonia/Baz-inter-WC35-1.png

"Well, um, okay... uh.. Any questions?"

After the press conference he would be heard uttering these words as he entered his car....

"What where they thinking?"

Andrew Creek, otherwise known as THE BANDIT, strolled down the tunnel to the Lowland Clans Galaxy training facility in Victoria, whistling a little tune from the radio, ball in hand. He was joining up some of the for Galaxy players and some FA interns for a little game. He was quite enjoying himself as the Galaxy manager, and though he was getting a wee bit old to really manage the team, but had begun to consider taking a position in the youth development division of the FA. There had been some rather interesting ideas about floating youth level football as the primary level of football, seeing as professional football was simply not taking hold as the FA would like to.

Lost in thought, he bumped into Gareth Jackson, a reporter for the Times. He had a cane and his assistant was running to catch up with him. He also had, rather strangely, a bandana tied around his eyes.

"Cheers, Gareth, it's Andrew Creek, how are you doing these days?"

"Not terribly well Bandit, as you can see I've gotten myself into some trouble."

Creek chuckled. "Yeah, looks like it, what happened?"

Jackson's assistant caught up with them, breathing hard. "Gareth, what are you doing? This is the pitch tunnel, not the parking garage!"

Jackson shot a withering glare at the wall opposite the group, and hissed at it, "Well, what do you want me to do now? I've gone off and scarred my retina! Won't heal for months! I'm not exactly USED to being blind as a damn bat, Julia!"

"Blind?" enquired Creek, somewhat confused

"You haven't seen your country's new kits have you?"

"The Bazalopes have new kits?"

"Oh for the love of God, they do. Ugliest things since, uh," he paused, deep in thought, "I think ever. The things are hideous, gone right out and made me blind when I read the press report!"

Creek had to swallow a rather loud guffaw at the thought. "Well, guess the Galaxy will be playing with goggles if we ever meet the Bazalopes in the final. Well, good to see you again Gareth." Jackson might have rolled his eyes, had they not been shut by the bandana, but his facial expression said it all. Creek was barely able to contain his laughter. "Even if you can't see me." He turned and continued his stroll down the tunnel, waving good-bye at Julia, who was now engaged in the attempt to get ornery Gareth down the tunnel.

Gareth yelled back at him, "By the way, any word on when the Galaxy roster is coming out?"

"Soon Gareth, soon!"

OOC: Wasn't the bandit one of the models?

Az-cz Scroll
Bazalonia
Mz-Rhi

Bazalonians unveil "interesting" kit

Countless hours of work. High levels of secrecy. Untold amounts of Bazzes spent. And for what? Arguably the ugliest uniform ever brought into existence.

Now there are some who might argue that the original Casari "Tigerkit" or one of the Turori one's are worse, but I don't believe that to be the case. The Turori kits are beautifully designed things, just in bad colors. This can be seen by their quite nice red uniforms for matches against Bettia. And the Casari kits were ugly, but a lot of that came from shoddy production. A better production company and they could have been decent, if still ugly kits. But these Bazalonian kits are atrocious. And it's not just my opinion.

Shop owners around Az-cz have been cancelling orders for Bazalonian kits, some going so far as to not order any of the new kits. Jus-Co, a shop owner in Az-cz city is just stunned. "In cups past Bazalonia has always been one of our most popular kits. They've never been the most beautiful, but people have been able to overlook that cause they like Bazalonia. But these ones just won't sell." Other store owners have been thinking about other methods entirely. "We want to have Bazalonian goods available for our customers, but I don't want those things in my store," explained Dai-Ei, an apparel shop manager in Mil-Bax. "My staff our thinking about making bootleg Bazalonian gear for our fans who want to support the hosts this cup."

The medical community is also worried about these jerseys. Ish-Sha, a doctor at Az-cz University Hospital warns that there are serious health risks, especially for eplieptic people. "Those spirals in that color pattern, when viewed at the rate of speed normally viewed on television broadcasts of soccer matches can cause epileptic seizures and heart failure. We encourage those who might be affected to avoid watching Bazalonian matches. Like we've done for Turori in the past we will also be broadcasting special uniform filtered versions of their matches."

As far as fans are concerned they're not that suprised. Jo-Dah of Es-Ef just believes that's how Bazalonians are. "Look Bazalonians are great people but no one's ever accused them of good taste. Just look at their national colors." And that's the truth. Bazalonians will probably devour the jersey's like hot cakes as they don't know any better. And if the Bazalopes are willing to sacrifice some foreign sales in the end it won't be that big of a deal.

I do not believe it. Whom has Hacker bribed? Wentland MUST be favourites to proceed from that group, it's tailor made for them.

Firstly, SLANI. Hacker will LOVE that. His antediluvian naif communism will lead him to inspire his menshevik thugs onto greater efforts than would otherwise be adopted. I can only hope that the freemarketeer style will overcome the obscene vandalism perpetrated by the anarchists. Hacker is already posturing, demanding they wear their derided fourth kit as both the blue and grey kits of Wentland clash with the grey and blue kits of the Capitalizts.

Secondly, Rejistania. Like the poor, always with us. Hacker has already annoyed them by wilful mispronounciation of their star players ("Avenue", anyone? Or "Icky Ronseal"? Laugh? I nearly started). They will fall with his mind games.

Finally, the conniving Fire Ants. Their diving will count against them. Referees are cute to their tactics and they will not believe them when Kyobu is lying prostrate after Katz or Bassett has dismembered him. I can however foresee a judicious number of cards which will prevent much further progress and hopefully the end of the Hack.

“Welcome everybody to Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s World Cup coverage. I’m your hostess Dinah Miller and with me is the woman I now call Amy “the jinx” Whiteworth- Daniels who made the mistake of mentioning how nice it would be to face Bettia and sure enough look who’s in our group. Thanks Amy.”

<laughs> “Hey I didn’t make the draw Dinah, but it does look a lot like WC 32 qualifiers where we had both Bettia and Jerusalem in our group only at the time it was Jeruselem at #10 in the world, with Bettia back at #15. This time Bettia is all the way up to #4 while Jeruselem has slumped back to number nine which still is a spot better than last time we played them. As for us we were 37th and slowly made our way to our current 23rd spot, losing a place after the qualifications.”

“That’s true, and Tynelia didn’t fare too well that time though it seems our stats people forgot this one when they mentioned facing Bettia three times in five cups, it was actually six cups. Taking a look at the results back then, we lost at Bettia 3-1 but then bounced back a home with a 2-0 shutout over their high powered offense. Our one and only win in six matches against them.”

“I think that’s a good sign for the team Dinah, now that they finally got the Bettian monkey off their backs at last the team knows that they can beat them and no longer has the added pressure of wondering if they would ever beat them.”

“As for Jeruselem, we managed a tough 1-1 draw in our first meeting that Cup but fell 2-0 in the rematch which ended up costing us a chance to get to the Cup. So a bit of a revenge theme there as well I suppose.”

“So we can play up to our two biggest rivals level and the MacDougal clan is still around from the WC 32 team so we have the experience still from that time Dinah.”

“And don’t forget Qazox Amy, our old BoF rival finally faces us for the first time since the Dragonnii Invyatti some thirty years back. We actually end up the third seed in this group after the odd circumstance that pits two playoff winners in the same group.”

“I think I was still playing last time we played the Oxen. Its actually yet another poor draw for Tynelia for the Cup itself for the third straight time. The first time we had the number 1 and #4 teams in the world in our half. The second time we had the eventually winners. Now we are in one of only two groups that have a pair of top ten teams in it. The other? Group 4 which would be one of the teams we would be facing on the chance we actually get out of group play. Three top ten teams (likely) in four matches if we get that far, not exactly a recipe for success Dinah.”

“So you think we don’t have a chance Amy?”

“Oh there’s always a chance Dinah, but on paper its rough going. Just about everyone figures our final matchday will have us and Qazox battling it out to see who avoids getting shutout this cup. Personally I think we can steal a draw off one of the big two but even with a win against the Oxen to go with it I don’t think 4 points will be enough to make it to the knockouts.”

“The schedule doesn’t give us many favors, Jerusalem first then Bettia before the Hippos and Oxen battle for dignity if the experts know what they’re talking about Amy.”

“Well there is some good news from the experts anyway Dinah.”

“What’s that Amy?”

“From what I’ve heard the gnomes of Az-cz didn’t pick us to advance like the first two times. Maybe that was what was jinxing us the other times.”

“Don’t tell me you’re going to pull a Troy on us now Amy?”

“Not at all Dinah, but it is a fact the class of 27 has had some rough times in the Cup. Look at it this time, two of the three teams are not only in the same group, but a group almost everyone agrees will be an easy one for the top two seeds. As for the Wombats, they’re the lowest seeds of the group and are expected to do even less than ourselves or Qazox. Three points combined is certainly possible.”

“So care to make any predictions for all this Amy?”

“Well our group seems simple enough, like everyone else I think Bettia and Jeruselem will go through. However I do think Bettia is due for a loss so I say Jerusalem takes it with 7 points, Bettia gets second with 6, we take third with 2 and the Oxen finish up at 1.”

“You think we can steal a point from Jerusalem then Amy?”

“Of the two powers I think they’re our best chance. And then Jerusalem uses their anger over what would be an upset draw to carry over on MD3 for Bettia’s upset loss, since Bettia will have clinched their spot at that point with wins over us and Qazox and probably play their reserves. Then we finish with a draw with the oxen.”

“Interesting take there Amy. Care to try the other groups?”

“Well the only one that has any chance of mattering to us would be group 4 since that would be who we’d be facing if we managed to somehow escape the group stages. Over there I like AIF, they finished strong while the other teams were a bit more inconsistent. Schiavonia seems the best of the rest despite FmjPhoenix’s , dare I say it, phoenix like, rise back up from their free falling ranking the past few cups. But I think it ends here for them and Turori I just don’t think will be able to keep up.”

“OK then Amy, I guess we’ll just have to keep our fingers crossed and hope that somehow Coach Masterson can find a way to prove all the experts wrong over these next two matches before they finally find a match they are thought to have a shot at to finish the group stage. Until then this is Dinah Miller for Amy Whiteworth-Daniels for the Tynelian Soccer Weekly crew wishing everyone a good night

The Enlightener: well ding dang doo, this job's mine
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

WC35 - Bettia's Chance to Dazza-le The World

It's been quite a fruitful World Cup for the Aroras - after topping their group by a comfortable margin with a near-perfect record marred only by a pair of draws and a friendly defeat to Az-cz, Bettia must now take a short flight to The Lowland Clans as they continue on their quest to reclaim the World Cup. Their first task is to get through the first round, where they have been drawn in a very interesting group indeed.

Matchday One
Opponent: Qazox
Ranked: 32
Head-to-Head Record: None
Bettia's first game is against a team with whom they have no competitive history whatsoever, the much-underrated Qazox. Don't let the gap in rankings fool you, this should be a very competitive game between two attack-minded teams. A goalfest on matchday one? Every neutral in the world will certainly hope so.


Matchday Two
Opponent: Tynelia
Ranked: 23
Head-to-Head Record: Played: 6, W:4 D:1 L:1 GF:12 GA:5
There once was a time when Tynelia and Bettia were always drawn together, but that was a while ago. So, the time came for the first round draws to be made, and as if by magic Tynelia appeared in our group! Back in the old days, the Tynelians weren't nearly as experienced as they are now, but things are very different now and our front three will have to work hard against one of the last bastions of Karelan football. Their defence only shipped seven goals in qualifying, and so they'll be a tough nut to crack.


Matchday Three
Opponent: Jeruselem
Ranked: 9
Head-to-Head Record: Played: 6, W:0 D:2 L:4 GF: 10 GA:21
Let's face it, a World Cup wouldn't be a World Cup without Dazza Dallas and her world-famous thruppenny bits, and the Village Bike is always a welcome sight on the world's TV screens (or at least the men's). Jeruselem are a team against whom the Aroras seem to be legendarily bad. Despite only finishing second in their group on goal difference, great things are always expected from the Crusaders, and this cup is no exception.


Okay, the Aroras may be the top seed in the group, but they'd be foolish to rest on their laurels at this stage, especially when facing three of the hardest working teams in the world today. Whatever happens in the first two games, Bettia's crunch match against Jeruselem should bring this group to a great climax (insert Dazza-based innuendo here).

A quick look at the other groups sees our neighbours Northern Bettia pitted against two of the biggest names in world football, Capitalizt SLANI and 4-time champs Rejistania, along with our semi-final opponents from WC33, Wentland. Qualifying for their third straight finals was a great feat, but needless to say this is a very tough group, and the Fire Ants will have to be at their sneaky best to get anything from these games.

Bettia's fellow group qualifiers Quakmybush face an equally daunting task, facing up against our Lowland hosts along with the Elves Security Forces who, it's fair to say, absolutely blitzed their qualifying group, especially poor little Keyne Island. On the other hand, Az-cz find themselves presented with what is on paper at least, an easier task, as they face Demot, The Archregimancy and Green Wombat.

So armchair fans around the country, get yourselves comfy because now the real action begins!

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

1st Round, Group 3

01: Qazox...................TLC.....
02: Tynelia.................TLC.....
03: Jeruselem...............TLC.....

Qualifying Group 9

01: Sativaville.............HOME....W 2-1
02: Quakmybush..............HOME....W 3-1
03: United Island Empires...HOME....W 5-2
04: Daughty.................HOME....W 2-1
05: Bostopia................HOME....W 5-0
FR: Az-cz...................Away....L 1-3
06: Sativaville.............Away....W 2-0
07: Quakmybush..............Away....W 2-0
08: United Island Empires...Away....D 0-0
09: Daughty.................Away....W 2-0
10: Bostopia................Away....D 0-0

Jeruselem Government News

Bazalonians new team strip "hideous"

When the Bazalonians revealed their team strip for the World Cup 35 finals, it got a rather expected response. The design which looked it was taken from a hippie camp experience with mushrooms found in growing in a field, was unveiled and was met with disbelief.

Dazza Dallas, the Jeruselem coach, said diplomatically about the new strip "Err, well at least they won't blend into a crowd at time soon. You won't miss them during a game ..."

Local Bazalonian expats were shocked and one said
"I need to put a new filter on my TV. At least pink and blue are compatible, but this is just awful. I'm not wearing one of those to support my team!"

Meanwhile Jeruselem will be sticking to their red and whites, with no new team strip. While Jeruselem will be wearing the red shirts with white crosses against Qazox and Tynelia, they are unsure what they will be wearing against the Bettians who have a anti-fetish for red.

Coach Dazza Dallas joked about the Bettian game "We'll wear the pink and white strip of the female game if we have too! I'm sure the men will approve. The girls don't mind the pink and white, they've worn it before. If anyone objects, they don't have a choice!"

Local Hippies approved of the new design and rushed off to see if they could buy a Bazalonian team strip locally, but were disappointed to find there was no stock.

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram
Zwangzug's national football squad will go to Bazalonia (stadiums unknown: mountainous Nova is a possibility) for World Cup 35. In group six, it will start by playing Milchama's co-hosts from World Cup 32. Following that matchup, it will play Ariddia, host of World Cups 1 and 34. This last it won, along with 32. Finally in group play, Zwangzug will play Acapais, who had surprising amounts of victory in qualification.

Football basics with links follow.

I is for IRC (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Internet_Relay_Chat)
Such as Nssport (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/NSsport_%28IRC_channel%29), that
Hosts lots of arguing
And not much tranquil chat (http://www.esper.net/pjirc/index.html).

J is for Juan (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Juan_Tzimisces)
Who both is coach and plays
For two distinct squads
In 1 group for 10 days.

K is for KPB points (http://http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/KPB_ranking_system)
Totals and sums
With logarithms
Not as rhythmic as drums.

L is for Lipogram (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Lipogram)
Proud in omission.
To bring you basics
Of football is our mission.

M is for match
An hour and a half
Of football attract
Fans to cry or to laugh.

N is for nations
Most (but not all) proud
Of a squad that plays for
It in such a big crowd.

O is for onwards
Fans cry "Han'il (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rejistanian_terms_in_sports)!"
Against slani (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Slani) Obani
(O's for it, too) or Takil (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rejistanian_systems).

P is for playoffs
With spots in a cup
(World or Harmony)
Hinging on 1 matchup.

Some less common Rejistani terms in soccer:

koleni'ta'he: Rejistanis love the word 'koleni, which means 'to compare' or 'to think'. Someone who does not compare apparently has a brain only so the light does not go from one ear to another. Think of the manager of Matix Veran or SyMji for this sort of people.

han-hi-len-ly: Intranslatable curse from majuvedian.

Inkatil: The city, where the league-plans for the H1SR down to the H12SR are created, or rather were created. The ASR employed the nerds who created the system and this means now the league-plans come from Sike kali. But this does not change that any form of group, league or cup draw in Rejistania works without some moderators or writers making Inkatil references. Why? tradition.

esla-second: The second you notice something went severly wrong (from slani)

Kajma'jet:The time between a devastating loss and the time the coach of the team is fired.

kiirii: substituting slani'he'ny out to prevent them from doing any more damage - or to change the strategy, but this is an official version (see: versije shensa)

versije shensa: official version of something. Even though shensa does not sound like pravda, it would be appropriate.

Ha~o La Tii: ehila~o for "bridge, river, jump" and a rough indication of the disappointment the rejistani national team will encounter in this world cup.

"Have you seen the international press?"

"No I don't like to read them, they're all to stuck up and boring anyways"

"I agree but I do read the predictions for the World Cup because predictions are always interesting and so far EVERY prediction I have read has said that we won't advance past the group stage"

"Why?":

"No idea"

"Well let me look, we are top seed in the group, top 10 in the world we made THE FINALS last cup, what more do they want?"

"No idea, it doesn't make sense at all, I can't put my finger on why they would do that, it's really really weird"

"Well let us look at our group,

Group 5
Milchama (7)
Oliverry (14)
Bazalonia (18)
Yafor 2 (30)

Well obviously we can beat Yafor 2, they suck."

"Yeh that's one win"

"Then Oliverry, well they used to be better than us and even when they were better we still kept the game close and even drew them once back in WC 30 qualifying"

"Agreed, then Bazalonia we have always dominated them plus we are a higher seed, this should be sooooooooo easy"

"Then one more thing, we have Margaret on our side"

"Espiecially with Margaret on our side I bet all those who predicted us to fail will fail, miserably in their attempts to do anything in the World Cup."

"Oh my we need to pray to Margaret!"

"You're right! It's the World Cup"

"Wait! Before we do anything did you see that Jerusalem with that hot slut Dazza Dallas?"

"Yeh she called us Milchamans, dumb bastard it's obviously Milchamians, I bet she won't be getting any rubber chickens now"

"Hahahaha, anyway let's start"

*Rings the hornbell*

"It's the World Cup and you know what that means! Time to pray to Margaret"

"Now do as I do and say as I say"

''Ringa pakia!''
''Uma tiraha!''
''Turi whatia!''
''Hope whai ake!''
''Waewae takahia kia kino!''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Tēnei te tangata pūhuruhuru''
''Nāna nei i tiki mai whakawhiti te rā''
''Ā upane, ka upane''
''Whiti te rā, hī!''

"Let's go, you! come up say something"

"Something!"
"Something!"
"Gotaahnehnehneh"
"Gotaahnehnehneh"
"Flishmadoor"
"Flishmadoor"
"Novakona"
"Novakona"
"Masal"
"Masal"

"Good excellent now everybody strip and run around"

*2 hours later*

"Come back Ali! Come back Ali's Sister!"

"Oh great Margaret we beseech thee for victory over Yafor 2 in the World Cup tonight. But first we thank you for our qualifying and our delightful victory over Atheistic Right. May you continue your greatness oh great one"

*Sacrifices the rubber chicken*

"May you accept our sacrifice dear Margaret as but a token of our appreciation to you and gloriousness"

Meanwhile a man in a dark suit, beard and top hat was watching the TV ominously...

On board the ferry from Rinaldi to Capri, several Marauders mingle as they make their way to Assegai's qualification party at Severus Snape's mansion. The members include: Kiso Night, Renai Adai, the Kries twins, and Anti Fresco.

"Cristi, why do you always steal my watch!!! Come back here you little brat of a sister. Oh hey Kiso, lovely day aint it?"

"Yeah Nelson, beautiful day. Really wish this ferry was moving faster though, want to get to that party already."

"Ha! Looking for some quality time with a miss Neesa are ye?"

"Haha, yeah I am. Hopefully we can get along this time. Always seems that whenever a few members of our squads get together, something crazy always happens."

"Yeah, well most of the crazies are stuck in Raynor City at Jere's bash. Heard he got the Rancid Blue Kids lined up. But hey, I'm not one for big bashes, so I said, I'll go see how my APL buddies are doing. Just a bummer my stupid twin tagged along."

"You should be nice to her you know. She is your flesh and blood and you guys ought to get along."

"Yeah we should, but her and Liliam always doubled teamed me when we were younger, so now it's my turn to get back at her."

"Heh, whatever floats your boat Nelson. Anyways, we're here, time to make way and have some fun, you in?"

The group quietly filters off the boat and make the short trip down to Snape's mansion.

“Good morning, Assegai Developments! This is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from the Assegai Developments Sports Network NationStates World Cup headquarters in Bazalonia. Wow, that was a mouthful! Today, we will take a glance at all the groups and provide an in-depth look at Assegai’s group and opponents.”

As she finishes a huge monitor to the right of her flickers to life and shows the groups…

“Let’s go group by group…” she says.

Group 1
Elves Security Forces
The Lowland Clans
Sel Appa
Quakmybush

“Our region mates, Elves Security Forces, find themselves top of this group, and deservedly so. The elves have worked hard to earn their place among the top teams in NationStates. Funny, though, that they continue to lose to Assegai… As much as we celebrate the rivalry with E.S.F., we wish them the best. However, they are such a strong team, that they won’t need any well-wishes to take the group and advance to the second round. Co-host The Lowland Clans should come in second. Sel Appa and Quakmybush will be the recipients of harsh losses and won’t be a factor.”

Group 2
Capitalizt Slani
Wentland
Rejistania
Northern Bettia

“Despite their lofty status, Capitalizt Slani had a very difficult time with our region mates Turruth Gordur during qualifying. Although they remain a dominant squad, the possibility of an upset is present. It wouldn’t be much of a surprise if Wentland takes the group, with Slani coming second. Rejistania and Northern Bettia are just here for the show.”

Group 3
Bettia
Jeruselem
Tynelia
Qazox

“Tynelia and those heathens of Qazox will have a very difficult time cracking the top two of this group. Although Bettia is the slightly stronger team, Jeruselem might finish on top.”

Group 4
Schiavonia
Alasdair I Frosticus
Fmjpheonix
Turori

“Schiavonia and The Holy Empire will be an amazing match to behold. After defeating Turruth Gordur in the playoff to get into the NSWC, The Holy Empire has been beating their chest loudly. They seem to have forgotten how much they struggled to qualify. Still, they might just get past Schiavonia and finish top of the group. Turori will defeat Fmjpheonix and finish third.”

Group 5
Milchama
Oliverry
Bazalonia
Yafor 2

“This is one of the weaker groups in the tournament, and although there is a wide gap between Milchama and Yafor 2 in the ranks, an upset is very much a possibility. As co-hosts, Bazalonia will have the massive support and might finish first or second, but won’t finish third. Still, the group is a tossup.”

Group 6
Ariddia
Geisenfried
Zwangzug
Acapais

“This group is very top-heavy, and we’re just talking about top-ranked Ariddia. They will destroy the other teams on their way to the top spot in Group 6. There are no guarantees after that, however, Zwangzug might slip past Geisenfried into second. Acapais looks good to stage a surprise or two and might finish as high as second, as well.”

Group 8
Az-cz
Demot
The Archregimancy
Green Wombat

“Az-cz and Demot should take the top two spots in this group without much of a challenge. The monks of The Archregimancy are softer than ever and might find themselves falling to fourth if they underestimate Green Wombat.

“And, that brings us to Assegai’s group…”

Group 7
Squornshelous
Errinundera
Vilita
Assegai Developments

Match Day One
[5] Squornshelous
“Squornshelous are one of the strongest teams in NationStates. Unfortunately, Assegai has the distinct pleasure of facing up against them in their first game. In the past, lower-ranked Assegai squads have defeated the No. 1 team in NationStates, however, it will take an effort of massive proportions for the Riskbreakers to defeat Squornshelous. Assegai’s defense might be difficult to crack, but don’t expect Assegai to win this one. A draw would be lovely, however.”

Match Day Two
[15] Errinundera
“Assegai did well against stronger teams than Errinundera during qualifying; a confident Assegai squad could hand Errinundera a very tough loss if they fail to realize how hungry the Riskbreakers are coming into this match after dealing with Squornshelous. If Assegai is to advance to the second round, a victory over Errinundera is almost a guarantee. A loss at this point, would be fatal."

Match Day Three
[19] Vilita
“Assegai has never lost to Vilita, outscoring them 5-1 in both matches the teams have played against each other. There is no reason to see why things will change. Even if Assegai would have lost first two group matches, a victory over Vilita is a lock, ensuring the Riskbreakers will at least finish third in the group."

“And what about the Assegai Developments NationStates World Cup Team…?”

[29] Assegai Developments
“Despite lacking the firepower of previous Assegai squads, the Riskbreakers seemed to have matured a lot more under new manager Zacharius. Under his tutelage, Assegai’s defense has become a stone wall, limiting opponents scoring chances and absorbing almost anything even the strongest teams in NationStates can throw at them. This doesn’t mean the team has become strictly defensive-minded. The Riskbreakers posses a very intelligent midfield that is a constant threat to score from long range or can deftly dish laser sharp passes to a corps of strong, speedy forwards. Even if Assegai doesn’t advance to the second round, having finished on top of their qualifying group and no longer seen as minnow, this World Cup marks a turning point for the team, with a very bright future ahead. Oh, and with a break here and there, the Riskbreakers will finish second in Group 7.”

Mikaela shuffles a few papers while the monitor fades to black.

“Reports estimate that more than 15,000 Assegai supporters have made the trip to Bazalonia, and that they are being accompanied by a mob of 4,000 Turruth Gordur supporters, who had—once again—booked flights to the World Cup, thinking their team would advance. The Gordurians have, for the most part, allied themselves with the Assegai supporters, and have been seen mingling together in pubs and public areas around Bazalonia.

“With the World Cup still a few days away, the team has taken tonight off to celebrate their qualification to the Proper at Assegai forward Severus Snape’s mansion in Capri, E.S.F. Among those invited are members of the E.S.F., Turruth Gordur and Fort Europe squads.

That is all for now from our World Cup headquarters. We wish you a very good night. Thank you for tuning in, and remember to catch us again soon, as we provide Assegai World Cup coverage!”

""This is just atrocious! No wonder they wanted it to be kept secret, they single-handedly want to ruin Bazalonian Sports!" exclaimed and exasperated Andrew Coulter... "I mean that poor Clansmen reporter... He's blind." he added

"Yeah, there is only really one way that we can deal with this." said Peter Hobble, interjecting some sanity and calm thinking into the conversation.

"We just have to go back to our old WC 34 JM kits and be done with it... No way is my team going to be wanting to go out in that." Andrew

"Agreed... though what about BazaKits?" Peter

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn... stuff the lot of them." Andrew

"Right, okay, glad we got that sorted out.. now what about where the fixtures will be played?" said Peter Hobble

"Got those on my desk now, I've just been,, agghh... "

"Yeah, I can understand, just take deep breaths and calm down ... it's not the end of the world."

"That's easy for you to say, you don't have your international reputation on the line."

"My secretary didn't even send the proper mail-merged letter to the gnomes and I got a letter from them waiting to be read... *sigh*... oh, well. Nothing I can do about it now."

OOC: :D

Noz-Tf was a bit bemused by the letter he recieved from Andrew Coulter. He figured that as neighbors and good friends Andrew would have taken the time to adress the letter directly to Noz-Tf rather than leave it as Dear <insert name> of the <insert name of National FA>. He wasn't too upset at a form letter, since he knew the stress of running a cup, but he was suprised that they couldn't take the time to have their secretaries look up the pertinent information. So he decided to send back this reply.

Once Andrew Coulter had sufficiently calmed down he started to pen, yes, handwrite a letter to the Noz-Tf of the -FA...


Dear Noz-Tf, -FA;

I sincerly apologise for that mistake, indeed I constructed the form letter and left it in the hands of my secretary to organise. While indeed all other known letters had been sent with the appropriate information there was an unknown mixup that we'll probably never fiind out what happened.

Thank you for your assurances, we have never had any problems with supportor behaviour in the past and neither do we expect any this time however te government insisted that all the nations that come to Bazalonia are aware of their rights and responsibilities under the law.

With that being said I have passed your greetings onto Peter Hobble and he wishes you and your team, all the best in the world cup as long as you don't knock out the Bazalopes in the final stage. Of course he said that with a cheeky grin that I can't really convey via this media so you will have to accept my assurances that he said that with tongue-in-cheek.

Two, final things, by the time you receive this letter you will probably have already heard our announcement regarding the using of our old WC 34 kits instead of the monstrosity that was cooked up for us. This unfortunately means that as JMC is now defunct there will be no replica's for sale anyway. And last, but not list attached is a list of the games and where they will be held.

Thank you,

Yours in Stress, Andrew Coulter


MD1:
Group 5
Yafor 2 vs. Milchama @ SeaBazalope Arena
Oliverry vs. Bazalonia @ TeleBaz Stadium

Group 6
Acapais vs. Ariddia @ Drago Soccer Field
Geisenfried vs. Zwangzug @ Stadium Verona (53% Geis, 15% Zwang and 32% Baz)

Group 7
Assegai Developments vs. Squornshelous @ Via Voleta Dome
Errinundera vs. Vilita @ Trevton City Enclosed field

Group 8
Green Wombat vs. Az-cz @ CBBC Dome
Demot vs. The Archregimancy @ Georgetown Nova Stadium

MD2:
Group 5
Milchama vs. Bazalonia @ CBBC Dome
Yafor 2 vs. Oliverry @ Georgetown Nova Stadium

Group 6
Ariddia vs. Zwangzug @ TeleBaz Stadium
Acapais vs. Geisenfried @ SeaBazalope Arena

Group 7
Squornshelous vs. Vilita @ Stadium Verona (40 Sqourn, 40 Vilita, 20 Baz)
Assegai Developments vs. Errinundera @ Drago Soccer Field

Group 8
Az-cz vs. The Archregimancy @ Via Voleta Dome
Green Wombat vs. Demot @ Trevton City Enclosed Field

MD3:
Group 5
Oliverry vs. Milchama @ Via Voleta Dome
Yafor 2 vs. Bazalonia @ Trevton City Enclose Field

Group 6
Geisenfried vs. Ariddia @ CBBC Dome
Acapais vs. Zwangzug @ Georgetown Nova

Group 7
Errinundera vs. Squornshelous @ TeleBaz Stadium
Assegai Developments vs. Vilita @ SeaBazalope Arena

Group 8
Demot vs. Az-cz @ Stadium Verona (30 Demot ,46 Az-cz, 23 Bazalonia )
Green Wombat vs. The Archregimancy @ Via Voleta Dome

OOC: Percentages are used to determine which nation gets the "Verona Prospero" these are project ratios only and may change.

The Daily Quak
Generic Predictions, Ugly Kits, and Another Tourney

Well, were back into the cup, and we are going to predict who we think is going to win this thing.

Anyways, on to the true predictions. Quakmybush was placed into Group 1 with Elves Security Forces, The Lowland Clans, and Sel Appa. Here are the stats against those teams.

ESF 1P 0W 0D 0L 1GF 2GA
TLC 1P 0W 1D 0L 1GF 1GA
SA 0P 0W 0D 0L 0GF 0GA

So, looking at this, Quakmybush should be able to advance to the second round. I expect them to come in second to those damned Elves. With TLC barely losing out and Sel Appa being beaten like a rented mule.

Now onto the rest of the groups.

Group 2
Capitalizt Slani
Wentland
Rejistania
Northern Bettia

A group containing two newer nations, and two older nations. The diving Ants... errrr the Fire Ants of Bettia have been performing quite well, and Commerce Heights played well just to get into the tourney, expect those to to move on.

Group 3
Bettia
Jeruselem
Tynelia
Qazox

A middle of the road group, nothing spectacular here, expect Bettia to run through this group, and Jeruselem to be on their coat tails.

Group 4
Schiavonia
Alasdair I Frosticus
Fmjpheonix
Turori

An easy group, Schiavonia and Alasdair I Frosticus will fight for the top spot with Fmjpheonix and Turori bottom feeding.

Now, onto Bazalonia with groups 5 through 8.

Group 5
Milchama
Oliverry
Bazalonia
Yafor 2

Another easy group with Bazalonia and Milchama moving out of this one.

Group 6
Ariddia
Geisenfried
Zwangzug
Acapais

A group of 3 newer nation, and a really old nation, expect that really old nation to advance, with newcomers Acapais on their tail.


Group 7
Squornshelous
Errinundera
Vilita
Assegai Developments

A three horse race, with Squornshelous and Vilita advancing to the next round.


Group 8
Az-cz
Demot
The Archregimancy
Green Wombat

Arguably the top and bottom groups are the toughest in this cup, Az-cz and Demot should advance out of this group, but do not be surprised if those crazy Monks squeak through.


That leaves these matches.

Elves Security Forces vs Milchama
Northern Bettia vs Acapais
Bettia vs Vilita
Schiavonia vs Demot
Quakmybush vs Bazalonia
Commerce Heights vs Ariddia
Jeruselem vs Squornshelous
Alasdair I Frosticus vs Az-cz

ESF will beat Milchama, Northern Bettia will push aside Acapais, Bettia will dispatch Vilita. Demot will defeat Schiavonia, Quakmybush will slide past Bazalonia, Commerce Heights will defeat Ariddia, Jeruselem will push aside Squornshelous, and Az-cz will beat Alasdair I Frosticus.

That will leave,

Elves Security Forces vs Northern Bettia
Bettia vs Demot
Quakmybush vs Commerce Heights
Jeruselem vs Az-cz

Northern Bettia will shock Elves Security Forces, Bettia will defeat Demot, Quakmybush will slide by Commerce Heights and Az-cz will get rid of Jeruselem.

The final four will be,
Northern Bettia vs Bettia
Quakmybush vs Az-cz

Bettia will defeat their northern neighbors, and in a battle of World Cup 33 hosts, Az-cz will move on.

The 3rd place playoff will see Quakmybush defeat Northern Bettia, and the final will see AO regain the trophy when Az-cz defeats Bettia in a nail biter.

The Hearn Herold
World Cup Group Six Analysis

#1 Ariddia
Head-to-Head: 0-0-0
“Ariddia are currently the strongest football team in NationStates according to the KBP Rankings. Fortunately for them they received a draw that included all other nations with double digit ranks. With a goal difference of fourteen during the qualifiers, and a group win, they are in spectacular form and are serious contenders for another World Cup championship. Acapais has never played the defending champions. ”

#13 Geisenfried
Head-to-Head: 0-0-0
“Geisenfried has been in the last many World Cups and have advance to the knockout round two out of the past three years. They have a rich history and perhaps this is their year to take it to the limit. There is no history however between Geisenfried and Acapais. "

#24 Zwangzug
Head-to-Head: 0-0-1
“As a relatively new World Cup nation, Zwangzug has played very well every chance that they get. When this nations steps onto the field they always give 100% Acapais were rather disappointed during Cup of Harmony 25 when the two met in a quarterfinal. Acapais headed home early after a 1-0 defeat. Zwangzug are perhaps the X Factor in group six"

#31 Acapais
“When you read other World Cup Press from around the world, you get the general concensus that nobody really knows what's going to happen except that Ariddia will advance. For instance, The Az-cz Scroll calls group six "The group of death," while The Elven Times writes "Ariddia has been granted a group that they would have to not show up for in order to not proceed farther." The Elven Times mentions that "The fairy tale story of Acapais will come to an end." QSPN Football Special calls group six "The 2nd place Group," meaning that Ariddia will come away with nine points and second place will be up for grabs. Mikaela Eyre from the Assegai Developments Sports Network stated that, "[Ariddia] will destroy the other teams on their way to the top spot in Group 6" The Daily Quak writes, "expect that really old nation [Ariddia] to advance, with newcomers Acapais on their tail." Other nations have Acapais with zero points at the end of the group stage but Acapais defeated the #2 in qualifying away from home, so this group is wide open.”

Taken from schiavoniafootball.net, a Schiavone fans site

Well, here we are, in another World Cup finals. But with Schaivonia a place full of suspicion nowadays, we thought we'd take a slightly different look at the teams taken part.

Like this.

Group 1

Elves Security Forces
ESF... well, they knocked us out of the last World Cup. What a way to start. Considering that they've beaten us in recent history, then it's obviously a sign that they're out to get us. Also, have you seen how old some of these guys are? Definitely something suspicious there.

The Lowland Clans
TLC, the mysterious disappearing hosts. Only then they re-appeared again. Then the hosting duties were taken over by "World Cup Hosts", thus questionning whether they're even there at all. All very suspicious if you ask me.

Sel Appa
Always come across as a dodgy bunch. Suspicious in the extreme.

Quakmybush
Suspiciously made it to the finals of their first World Cup, since when they never appear to have gotten much better. Anyone find that a bit suspicious?


Group 2

Capitalizt SLANI
Not even a nation. They represent the Unified Capitalizt States. Plus Bits of Bedistan. And, seemingly, wherever else they fancy. Anyone who seems to do anything for money must have something suspicious about them.

Wentland
Have you ever met that Hacker guy? Suspicious in the extreme...

Rejistania
Well, we've always been suspicious of that lot, ever since our first Baptism of Fire in the very same nation. Even when Schiavonia was at it's most friendly and welcoming, Rejistanians kept getting weird looks.

Northern Bettia
The first team Schaivonia have played at home away from the KFS EVER! If that doesn't make them look shady and suspicious, I don't know what does.


Group 3

Bettia
A nation where there were rumours abound last cup that all kinds of mystical stuff with flying children who were centuries old. Or something equally suspicious.

Jeruselem
A country seemingly obsessed by young women dressed in... well, not much. Hell, we even send our pretty female player over there. Are the SFF trying to infiltrate them? And if so, does that mean there's something suspicious going on there?

Tynelia
This lot seem to think that they are doomed to failure in every cup they enter. Obviously, that's an old Schiavone trick. It's just a suspicious ploy to lull opponents into a false sense of security. Obviously!!!

Qazox
Well, the people of Qazox don't seem to think that Schiavonia will advance from their group, although that's nothing to be suspicious about. Hell, I'd be inclined to agree with them! However, the QSPN reporter seems to think we're one of the oldest nations in the cup! We'd struggle to get into the older half of teams in the cup! Something suspicous there.


Group 4

Schiavonia
Very suspicious bunch. Supposed media blackout during qualifying. Only entered World Cup 36 very late. Only accessable by boat, so obviously hiding something. And it's where I'm writing this from. Suspicious in the extreme!

Alasdair I Frosticus
The Holy Empire... the Dreamed Realm... I mean, come on! I know World Cup 34 did actually happen, but... well, it obviously wasn't real! Not even the real world. The height of suspicion.

Fmjphoenix
Are they still around?!?!? Their continuing existence yet still seeming more apathetic than us just stinks of suspicion.

Turori
World Cup !9. They hosted with the most infamous host bidders ever, The Belmore Family. Apparently, to even think about hosting with them hints at something suspicious going on.


Group 5

Milchama
Hmmm. Some of those crazy Milchamans seem to have revived the ancient ritual of a sacrifice of rubber chickens for results. Odd in itself, butit got them to the final of World Cup 34. Madness, and more than a tad suspicious.

Oliverry
Frenchie types who aren't even French, but something like Canadien. Another mysteriously consistant team, and their confusing identity is just a sign with flashing lights on it saying "SUSPICION!"

Bazalonia
Hosts and also the home of the WCC President. Power corrupts, therefore we should be ultimately suspicious of them. Plus, have you seen their kits? They must be taking bribes of someone to wear the most hideous kits since Druida were regulars.

Yafor 2
The first team to finish above Schiavonia in a qualifying group for some time. Which, for the team who were rated as third best in the group, was some achievement. Expect that there was some failed suspicious Schia-Yaforite conspiracy to try and keep Northern Bettia out. Maybe.


Group 6

Ariddia
They won the last cup. At home. Kinda. Always something greeted with suspicion.

Geisenfried
An odd case, is that of Geisenfried. Once upon a time, they were the most underrated team in the tournament. Two quarter-finals in a row, and everyone stood up and took notice. Then it didn't go as well last time out. A bit like Schiavonia when they're a fancied team. Copying off us, and therefore suspicious until they do otherwise.

Zwangzug
The "scorinator" for the current cup was created in Zwangzug, and was more than suspicious for the first half of qualifying.

Acapais
Have you seen the string of results they got during qualifying? The biggest surprise of the cup so far, and therefor definately something to be suspicious about.


Group 7

Squornshelous
A nation who've been around so long, that all of their main rivals have retired from the sport. Being the only one remaining is surely rather reason to be suspicious.

Errinundera
A place where trees are considered more important than people, yet they're vegetarians, thus they eat trees. Bit of a suspicious one to me, that.

Vilita
The home of VOIA, Atlantian Oceania's biggest secret service type thing. And you can't have a secret service like that and not have an element of suspicion about you.

Assegai Developments
Suspiciously finished ahead of both Dreamed Realm nations in the qualifiers. One, yeah, OK, but both? Not right.


Group 8

Az-cz
Thieves, and therefore we should hold them as suspicious at all times.

Demot
Rubbish puppet nation come good. The new Turori, and anyone following in the footsteps of a team of peculiar looking birds must be suspicious.

The Archregimancy
Ah, the Orthodox Extremists. No religious extremism of any type can ever come across as anything other than suspicious.

Green Wombat
The most consistantly rubbish qualifiers have made their second finals in a row. Suspicious or what?


So that's that lot, then. What a suspicious bunch they all are. As for picking a winner, well, we're not going to. We're far to suspicious of the system to actually predict anything. But, in that case, probably a home win. Bazalonia, as we're not sure The Lowland Clans is really a place any more.

<The Jeruselem team on a plane to The Lowland Clans>

Dazza: (looking the row ahead) Hey, Dinkie! That's a new jumper.
Dinkie: Yeah, you like it? I think it's trendy.
Dazza: I dunno, I've seen it before.
Monique: She got from some hippie shop.

Dazza: It looks the Bazalonia team strip, that's it. Well, the red version that is.
Dinkie: You like it?
Dazza: Not really ...
Monique: There was hideous green version but Dinkie didn't buy it. But she did buy the matching track suit.

Dinkie: Yeah, got it for a steal! 75% off!
Monique: Because no one wanted to buy it.
Dazza: Matching track suit?
Dinkie: I liked it!

Monique: Dinkie dresses normally at work but she dresses like hippie at home.
Dazza: Oh well, each to their own. I dress like a whore all the time.
Dinkie: No one steals my clothes at home
Monique: I wouldn't either ...

Somewhere deep in Monastic Football Association Headquarters...

"....think we'll be playing in Bazalonia, Father."

"Ah, good. Bazalonia... A fine nation, one with a strong local Orthodox Church of its own. True, the Iconodulistic Orthodox Church of Bazalonia lost contact with the main body of Orthodoxy for several centuries, but I don't think anyone seriously disputes their canonicity at present..."

"And don't forget Peter Hobble, Father!"

"Who could forget, my son? After our efforts spent curing Bazalonia's greatest ever footballing figure from the evil curse of lycanthropy, they surely think kindly upon us. With all of those factors in our favour, no doubt we can rely on a nice easy draw for once - and about time, too. And what is that draw, my son? Do you have a copy to hand?"

"Indeed I do, Father.... And some international media reaction, too..."


Group 8
Az-cz (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12685266&postcount=11)
Demot (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12700253&postcount=31)
The Archregimancy (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12708835&postcount=45)
Green Wombat (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12687860&postcount=15)

"What is the meaning of this? 'Group of Death'? 'Only Group with three teams from the top 17'? Why are we punished so? Is it not enough that we bear the consequence of Adam's first sin? Must we also be perpetually damned to play in the hardest groups of each World Cup? Why must we suffer so?"

"I thought suffering strengthened the soul, Father?"

"Indeed, indeed.... I'd say there's only one thing for it.... Enough of Monastic humility. This time we send a statement out unto the world:

We'll just have to win the group."

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

COACH SUSPICIOUS OF SCHIAVONE SUSPICIONS
Vonmadscientisto Accuses Schiavonia of Acting Suspiciously

By Anna Comneno

The Holy Empire Football Association tonight back coach Professor Vonmadscientisto's claims that he was suspicious of Schiavone suspicions, and that the Schiavonia FA were acting suspiciously.

"I am a master of the paranoia, nein?" said the coach "And this nation of Schiavonia, it is most suspicious that they consider so much suspiciously."

An anonymous Schiavone official agreed wholeheartedly and enthusiastically, noting that the nation's official World Cup preview described Schiavonia as a 'very suspicious bunch' who were 'obviously hiding something' and were therefore 'suspicious in the extreme'.

Vonmadscientisto refused to elaborate on his suspicions, merely noting that it was suspicious that most independent media reports made Schiavonia and the Holy Empire the overwhelming favourites to advance over a suspiciously apathetic Fmjphoenix and Turori. "Being the favourites must always be treated vith suspicion, ja?" said the coach.

HEFA were unable to confirm whether or not agents of SBIS and ISPI would be attending the Schiavonia-Holy Empire match in the Lowland Clans in order to monitor the situation for suspicious activity.

Demot Daily ~ Do Monks Fly?

After the retirement of Jasmine Olyvander from the Daily, it took them severly weeks for the paper to find a suitable replacement, but here I am Demot, Jereome Berse ready to give you the scoop on the Dynamo and other footy news in the world. Now while the paper was going through the hiring process, our Dynamo were in the midst of a fierce battle in qualification. However, the battle was not for a spot in the finals, but a fight with Sel Appa to detirmine who would win the group. The Dynamo had the edge going into the last two matchdays, but an upset against Cookesland swung the balance back in the Turtles favor, and another upset sealed the deal against the Dynamo. The pair of losses not only stung the squad by sealing their spot in the group, but also made them drop a rank in the World Standings. Thanks to this fall, the squad entered the Draw as a second seed and now has the dangers of dealing with an extraordinary Az-cz squad that seems to have an edge on Dynamo squads.

Predictions
Group 1
Elves Security Forces (5)
The Lowland Clans (16)
Sel Appa (20)
Quakmybush (27)

Well here are the Elves, former colony masters and all, looking like one of the best teams in the tournament. With the amount of talent they possess, the philosophies the great Soler has instituted, and the ease that which they qualified, they ough to sail through the group with seven points. The Clansmen aren't a great squad, but the ability to play in their nation is what elevates them over a depleted Quakmybush squad that needs to find their bearings and stop the slide. The Sel Appan Turtles will lose thier form and go down in a burst of flames with no points and just being happy that they made the trip.

Predicted Finish
ESF
Lowland Clans
Quakmybush
Sel Appa

Group 2
Capitalizt Slani (6)
Wentland (12)
Rejistania (22)
Northern Bettia (26)

Big names, small talent is exactly what group two is all about. While both Rejistania and the Slani federation have titles to thier names, they both are far cries from their haydays. The Slani side has enough grit to slip into the group lead, while a draw between Northern Bettia and Wentland will send the Fire Ants through. Rejistania will have to recalcutlate their strategies and hope that a new generation will bring them back to better days and better performances for this once great power.

Predicted Finish
Slani
Northern Bettia
Wentland
Rejistania

Group 3
Bettia (4)
Jeruselem (9)
Tynelia (23)
Qazox (32)

There is not alot you can say about Group three except that there is no chance for the third and four seeds to make it into the knockouts. While Tynelia is gradually improving in luck and talent, they just don't have the power to outscore the Aroras or outdazzle the Dallas name of Jeruselem. The Oxen of Qazox continue to spread their heathen image and fail miserably in their play on the pitch, going home empty handed, pointless, and goaless.

Predicted Finish
Bettia
Jeruselem
Tynelia
Qazox

Group 4
Schiavonia (8)
Alasdair I Frosticus (10)
Fmjpheonix (25)
Turori (28)

Can the Holy Empire recover quickly from their horrible qualifying campaign, just nipping Turruth Gordur in an extra time affair in the playin. My gut says yes, as the Schiavonians are acting way to suspioucly to top anything, and will be just a notch above the Turorians who will be fighting for every inch of respect they can obain. Fmjphoenix is back on the rise, but they are outclassed here, but should go home with more honor than they had coming into groupplay. Another good qualifying campaign might be just enough to get them back into the upper echilion.

Predicted Finish
Holy Empire
Schiavonia
Turori
Fmjpheonix

Group 5
Milchama (7)
Oliverry (14)
Bazalonia (18)
Yafor 2 (30)

Milchama is one of the weakest and strangest first seeds I've ever seen, and it could be that just some pure dumb luck, but they somehow manage to wiggle their into the Proper and knockouts. Oliverry and Bazalonia ought to challange the horse fellows quite soundly, but Bazalonians home field advantage will allow them to be the other seed to advance, with those Milchama people to make the knockouts once again, and Yafor 2 slips into last quietly.

Predicted Finish
Bazalonia
Milchama
Oliverry
Yafor 2

Group 6
Ariddia (1)
Geisenfried (13)
Zwangzug (24)
Acapais (31)

Ariddia is top dog both in their group and in the world, and easily should get through without much trouble. The race for second will be interesting as Geisenfried rides through somehow to the Proper whilst Acapais and Zwangzug both gave valiant efforts to get their places here in the final. Geisenfried hasn't had the road that the lower seeds and will suffer for that, letting the Zwangzug side cruise covertly right into a round of sixteen fixture, where they will make thier exits, and Acapais will top Geisenfried for third, preparing them for a better run next time around.

Predicted Finish
Arridia
Zwangzug
Acapais
Geisenfried

Group 7
Squornshelous (5)
Errinundera (15)
Vilita (19)
Assegai Developments (29)

The Squornos are perhaps the most undeserving first seeds in the tounament, going a mere 5-4-1 in the Proper, and just barely avoiding the playoffs by drawing Turori on the last matchday. Meanwhile, the fiesty Assegains are clearly on form and should be a test for their three competitors, and will likely take the points they need to advance. Errinundera will have their mettle tested, but will show thier valor and win the group, while Vilita continues their rise back to prominence, but not enough to make the elimination rounds.

Predicted Finish
Errinundera
Assegai
Vilita
Squornshelous

Group 8
Az-cz (2)
Demot (11)
The Archregimancy (17)
Green Wombat (33)

Looking at the numbers, we should be in good graces to qualify, as only the Gnomes of Az-cz have performed admireably against us. The Monks are clearly a weakened side, having fell to Assegai in their own building, and are looking soft in play and resolve. Green Wombat is a pushover that was lucky to even get into the finals in the first place. What this all adds up to is that on the last matchday, both the Gnomes and Dynamo will have six points, and whoever tops the match will top the group. My gut is telling me right now that the result will be a two all draw, with the Gnomes winning the group on goal differential, and the Monks will have their souls strengthen more through their suffering and lack of success in recent times.

Predicted Finish
Az-cz
Demot
Archregimancy
Green Wombat

Scorers
Mario Darcello Ben - 5
May Maryweather - 4
Gregory Corin - 2
Christi Sans - 2
Tony Stark - 2
Edmund Vorca - 2

Schedule
MD1: Demot v Archregimancy
MD2: Green Wombat v Demot
MD3: Demot v Az-cz

Article by Jerome Berse

Andrew Creek whistled his favorite tune as he and the head of the FA, Daniel Davies, Chief of Football Operations Iska Djukashenki, President of the Allied States Football Leagues Joseph Conter and Assistant Manager Silas McGinney, former captain of the Lowland Clans Galaxy all entered the press room from the side entrance, and all went to there respective seats. While he was generally an easy-going manager, having these big press conferences made him a little up-tight. He thought it was the lights, but he usually was able to just shrug it off and do a pretty good job. This however, was a fairly big press conference, and he rarely ever saw everyone here together. Davies and Djukashenki dealt with much more of the business side of things these days, and he saw Conter on most occasions in a rather adversarial fashion, simply because of the designs of the two of them were different.

But this was a rather unique occasion. The very structure of how football was to be played in the Lowland Clans was about to change, and would be put in place for the anniversary of the thirtieth cup participated in by the Lowland Clans, and glorious celebrations were going to be taking place all around the nation, and this was certainly going to cause some consternation among some of the more die-hard football fans. Also being released was the roster for the World Cup proper, along with the the stadia list, but that was going to be second or third page stuff compared to what was going to happen. He began the press conference with the roster and Davies with the stadia list, both of which were being passed around to the reporters in the room. Then however, it was his turn. He took a deep breath and began his announcement.

Mixed Reviews

This isn't the cup to be a Pschycho, if we're to listen to the majority of the world's sports media. Most of them seem to think that a mediocre qualifying campaign means that the Pschychoes long years of excellence in the world cup are over. In fact, several pundits have picked Squronshelous to finish last in our group, which also contains Errinundera, Vilita and Assegai Developments.
We of the Squornshelan press would like to remind the world that while our side only won five of their ten matches, they also only lost one of those. A nation doesn't go through 120 years of international football simply to forget how to play because of a few poorly played matches, and when a team knows how to handle adversity, it only makes them stronger. With leaders like Patrik Hermanni and Arman Latvala on our team to counsel the younger talent, we're confident that the Pschychoes will bounce back and make another run deep into the knockout rounds.
Our first opponent is an upstart team from Assegai Developments. Their press seems to see the Pschychoes weak record from qualifying as a sign of weakness, labeling us the most "undeserving" of top seeds in the groups. We suggest that the 29th ranked team in the world just might be setting their sights a little higher than is realistic. We certainly hope their team isn't filled with the came contempt for the Pschychoe's abilities. If they are, it won't be much of a match at all; more of a massacre.

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune/
AEROPAG, JI · 0.10 g Au · 153–07–05
Sue James Gaines and get a free UCS/‹censored by the WCC› WC36 mug!

World Cup: Draw announced—SLANI meets old, new foes
FAUXHAN, BAZALONIA—The draw for the thirty-fifth World Cup tournament was held today in Fauxhan. As usual, the thirty-two participating teams were drawn into eight groups of four, and the top two teams from each group will advance to a knockout stage. Capitalizt SLANI, the only Capitalizt team that qualified for the tournament, was drawn into Group B, and will play their matches in one or more of the states of the Lowland Clans, at locations that have yet to be revealed. Their opponents are:

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/NBT/ Northern Bettia (the Fire Ants)
The Fire Ants have an exceptional reputation for cheating their way to victory in critical matches. Northern Bettia, whose army was able to drive out the Tingitanan anarchists that had invaded Verdenan Bedistan, has a football team that is equally adept at earning red cards for their opponents. They are, however, no match for a good referee, and their strategy often backfires with spectacular defeats.
Prediction: Capitalizt SLANI win

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/RJS/ Rejistania (the Junis–Omeh’ny [Orange–Blues])
Capitalizt SLANI and Rejistania have a record-breaking combined total of nine World Cups under their belt—that’s over one-quarter of all that have been awarded. Though Rejistania have not been as successful of late as they were back in World Cup 18, this promises to be an exciting match—quite a statement about a team whose mantra was once “attack means defeat.”
Prediction: high-scoring draw

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/WLD/ Wentland (the Wents)
Our researchers failed to come up with much about this team, except that their nation is oppressed by some sort of weird king and they tend to play defensively. They shockingly made the semifinals in World Cup 33 (even if it was under the influence of so-called “RP-bonus machines”). While the Capitalizts will certainly need to be wary of complacency, they should have little trouble with their final match.
Prediction: Capitalizt SLANI win

Predicted standings
1. http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/COM/ Capitalizt SLANI (2–1–0)
2. http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/NBT/ Northern Bettia (1–1–1)
3. http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/WLD/ Wentland (1–0–2)
4. http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/RJS/ Rejistania (0–2–1)

..:: BazaClans World Cup 35 Group Stage Matchday 1 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12776110&postcount=14) ::..

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais 0-2 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

Fair start in final stages

Despite the Rouge-et-Noirs’ fitful stops and starts during the qualifiers two years ago, the foreign media have expressed confidence in the team’s ability to advance from Group 6. At home, supporters are trying to set their doubts aside. Yves al Jahdali fielded the usual starting eleven – Lee, Sho, Myint, E’i, James, Ley, du Valdor, Shwuo, Arbustier, Dargeau and Et – for the beginning of the match against Acapais.

The Ariddians’ performance was not what you might call spectacular, but it was certainly efficient. Dargeau and Ley both slipped the ball into Matthew Dickenson’s net, while Ariddia’s defence – and goalkeeper Cassie Lee – performed flawlessly, conceding no goal.

“It’s a good start, of course,” Ariddian captain Myo Thet Myint said. “But we’re not going to relax or become excessively confident. Zwangzug and Geisenfried have both earned their spot here in the finals, and they’ll both be tough opponents. We have to stay focused and win all our games.”

Meanwhile, the Ariddian Secretariat for Culture, working with the Ariddian Football Association (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddian_Football_Association), has decided to make the most of the World Cup to increase knowledge between participating countries.

“We’ve contacted a primary school in each of the thirty-two participating countries,” Secretary for Culture Serge Rivage explained to the press. “In each nation, a class of ten year-olds will be preparing a reply to two questions: ‘What is unique about my country’s football team?’ and ‘What is unique about my country?’ The answers will be sent to all thirty-two schools, and published in the press, hopefully around the world. Our aim is to increase people’s interest in the World Cup, but also – and especially – to use the World Cup as an opportunity to help people learn about the other participating countries. We’re very excited about this, and we’re looking forward to receiving results.”

For Ariddia, the school is the École Primaire Annabelle Laurier (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Annabelle_Laurier), in the small town of Valvert-le-Ruisseau on Wehosh island – the second-largest of the country’s nineteen islands, in the east. Local teacher Thibault Marchant says: “There are many things that are unique about Ariddia, and the children here are full of suggestions and ideas. We’re enthusiastic about taking part. I’ve already begun telling the class about the history, culture and traditions of Zwangzug, the Holy Empire, Errinundera, Az-cz and several other countries. We’re looking forward to hearing from the children of all these countries.”

“Welcome everybody to Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s World Cup coverage. I’m your hostess Dinah Miller and with me is the new prophetess of Tynelian soccer Amy Whiteworth-Daniels. As our new prophetess so accurately predicted last program, Tynelia pulled off a major surprise by staying with 9th ranked Jerusalem to come away with a 2-2 draw and getting a much needed point on match day one.”

<laughs>”I guess a prophetess beats being called a jinx Dinah. I just had a feeling about this one is all. Besides if you remember my predictions for the next two matches I don’t think anyone wants me being a prophetess from here on out.”

“That’s true enough considering you’re thinking a loss to Bettia and draw with Qazox to finish things Amy.”

“Well at least today’s draw ensures that no matter what our final match will actually matter since Jerusalem can now only be three points ahead of us at most going into the final matchday. Of course goal differential will be key as always. We need to stay close to Bettia and hope Qazox can do the same with Jerusalem to boost our chances.”

“Before we get too far ahead of ourselves Amy, let’s go back to today’s match. In fact we almost managed to pull off the huge upset there.”

“True enough Dinah, most people thought it was just a matter of everything going the way everyone expected when Jeruselem broke through in minute 24 on a nice header by Dazza Folkstia off a corner kick that beat the diving Mandy Martin. However a key play came at minute 43 when Connor MacDougal managed the equalizer on a shot that just caught the upper right corner to even things up at the half.”

“That was a big momentum swing there Amy, Jerusalem had controlled much of the tempo in the first half and this was only the second real sustained attack Tynelia mustered in the half. To go in even after being outplayed most of the match had to fire up Tynelia and serve as a bit of a downer for Jeruselem.”

“You could see it coming out of the second half Dinah. Jerusalem had a bit of a ‘what else do we have to do to score on these guys’ attitude early in the second half, a testament to how our defensive mindset can fluster teams used to nothing but shootouts in all their matches since no one else really plays defense anymore.”

“And we came out smiling and loose because all we had heard all week long was that the big question of the group was if Bettia or Jerusalem would finish ahead of each other as they moved on to the knockouts. That nothing to lose mentality paid off when Tina Conroy put us ahead at minute 66 on a three on two breakaway off a nice pass from Jay Masterson Jr. At this point our side was going crazy as the Jeruselem fans looked stunned to be trailing so late in the match.”

“But they showed why they are one of the top ten teams in the world Dinah. While their fans were nervous, that Conroy goal served as a wakeup call for the Jeruselem squad which had been outplayed to that point in the half. Getting themselves back together they began to return to the play of the first half and kept the ball in the Tynelian end from that point forward. A near miss over the crossbar from Monique Alexander nearly tied things up in minute 76 but it was Dinkie Dosha that came through with the equalizer in minute 81. After Hose Tunk launched a rocket that Mandy Martin dove and somehow stopped, she was unable to control the rebound which went to Dosha for the easy put back to tie it at 2.”

“At this point Amy, you could see by his actions on the sidelines that Coach Masterson knew it was a matter of hanging on now since Jeruselem had regained the momentum and certainly wanted to come away with a win. Keeping everyone back including the forwards the team was content to merely blast the ball down towards the Jeruselem end any chance they had to run time off the clock and it worked well enough to come away with a hard earned point.”

“And a much needed one as Bettia had little trouble with Qazox in their 1-0 shutout win. Another tough match for Tynelia as Bettia keeps its undefeated run going, not counting an exhibition loss to Az-cz during one of the off days. The top seed continues to look strong Dinah.”

“Yes this will be a tough one for us. But hey we’re on a one match winning streak against them now.”

“I’m sure Bettia isn’t concerned about that Dinah. Considering how many times we’ve played them we were bound to win one eventually. On the other hand they are due to lose at some point you would think, to get it out of their system at least.”

“Well next match would be a good point for it I think Amy.”

“I agree. However I don’t see it happening. Bettia looks too strong. Our best hope is to limit the damage I think. A one goal loss wouldn’t hurt us in the differential department unless Jerusalem really pounds Qazox. “

“What if Qazox pulls off the upset though Amy?”

“It would actually help our chances if they do. That would put Qazox two points ahead of us but if we beat them on match day 3 we’d pull ahead and would force Jerusalem to have to beat Bettia to keep pace and hope for the GD to work in their favor. And if we manage a draw with Bettia it becomes simple for us. Beat Qazox and we’re in no matter what happens in the other match.”

“OK Amy make your pick then.”

“I’ll do both matches Dinah. Bettia looks too good for us to beat so I’m thinking a 3-1 win for them. Jerusalem bounces back against Qazox with a 3-2 win.”

“So you’re pretty much sticking with your pre-cup predictions, Bettia and Jeruselem both win on day 2.”

“I guess I am Dinah. Tynelia will need to play their best match ever to keep pace with Bettia and get any points out of this one.”

“Hopefully you’re wrong this time Amy.”

“Then you’ll have to come up with another nickname for me Dinah.”

“Hmm, true. I’ll have to come up with something. But at least the team has already surprised the experts once, let’s hope they can do it again. But we’ll all find out together so until then this is Dinah Miller for Amy Whiteworth-Daniels for the Tynelian Soccer Weekly crew wishing everyone a good night.”

OOC - Being rewritten as me and Ty posted at the same time ...

<A women dressed in pink dress and an older women dressed in pink Japanese Kimono>

Dinkie: I'm Dinkie Dosha and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE live from The Lowland Clans for the World Cup 35 group stage. Jeruselem are in Group 3 with our friends Bettia, Tynelia and the nice people from Qazox.
Dazza: (in Japanese female accent) I'm Dazzi, coach and manager of the Jeruselem team.

Dinkie: Yes, Dazza Dallas is in dress-up or dress-down again.
Dazza: Dazza Dallas very dirty woman.

Dinkie: Today we played Tynelia! The first of three games of which the remaining games are against Qazox and finally the biggie against Bettia. It's pretty much two wins guarantee 2nd round spot and two losses guarantee a trip home for the teams.
Dazza: That's why we need to win the first two as playing former-World Cup champ Bettia is not an easy thing.

Dinkie: We played Tynelia! And the result was ...
Dazza: A draw with Tynelia, 2 ALL in the end. (sounding disappointed)

Dinkie: We started real well with Dazza Folkstia scoring from a corner in the 24th minute. Great stuff from the quiet Dazza of our team, there's three Dazzas on our team including the coach.
Dazza: Yeah, she's the quiet achiever with the best first name in the world. I get all the attention because I'm whore, Dazza Deux is the cyborg who looks like me and little Dazza Folkstia silently does her work.

Dinkie: And then we fell asleep a bit with Connor MacDougal scoring the equaliser in the 43th minute. A great shot on the corner, I wish I could shit like that.
Dazza: Yes, we relaxed way too much after the first goal and allowed the Tynelian team to attack. It was a great shot which most keepers could not stop unless you are Superman or something. Well, Dinkie lost the ball and the Tynelians took it the other half of the field.

Dinkie: Tina Conroy put Tynelia ahead with a great goal in the 66th minute as we were caught napping a bit.
Dazza: Well, the team were a bit slow after the 2nd half - and well we paid for it. Our opponent tried to get the winning edge. We didn't get enough ball for a while and didn't make good use of it when we did - so that's how football is.

Dinkie: And I scored the equalizer in the 81st minute after the keeper failed to control a Tunky rocket which fell to my feet, and wham.
Dazza: Yes, Dinkie is master of picking up people's scraps. That's why she is in this team. We tried to break the deadlock but we couldn't break the resolve of the Tynelian team.

Dinkie: A draw, better than a loss.
Dazza: Game summary - Tynelia did reall well scoring from their chances while we had a few unlucky shots that got stopped, and we could have done more. We could have played better but we gave our opponent too much ball between our first and second goals - we weren't ruthless enough. Next game I want three goals or more. Nothing less! In fact, I want FIVE NIL win ... because goal difference is so important. I do not want a repeat of World Cup 34 where we failed to beat Oliverry and got knocked out goal difference.

Dinkie: Yes, our defense this game wasn't the best either. We gave too much space for our opponent, allowing them to score two goals with limited chances.
Dazza: I want 150% next game. There's no tomorrow when it comes to World cup finals. Only today - you must win today or you're gone tomorrow.

Dinkie: Well, two more games!
Dazza: We must beat Qazox and hope Bettia beat Tynelia, next games. That would be ideal.

Dinkie: In the other game - which is Bettia vs Qazox, not Betty vs an ox.
Dazza: Bettia overcame Qazox ONE NIL in a very tight game of few chances. THREE POINTS to the Auroras and Qazox just miss out on any points.

Dinkie: Back to the next games, if we beat Qazox that would give us 4 points. If Bettia who won today, beat Tynelia - then that would give then 6 points to them. So - it that happens then it means, Tynelia must beat Qazox, and all we need is a draw against Bettia. We would like to beat Bettia in the last game to secure the points. Should Qazox beat or draw Tynelia in the last game, then we make the 2nd round. BUT this assume we beat Qazox. Bettia should be Tynelia next game.

Dinkie: And I would like score goals in the right half next game.
Dazza: A hat-trick would be nice there Dinkie.

Dinkie: Coach, I'm going make up for it next game. I'm so ashamed ...
Dazza: Well, we must be Qazox and Bettia too now just to be on safe side. A draw against Bettia would get OK but the we must beat Qazox.

Dinkie: OK Dazza, what's the YAP YAP topic.
Dazza: Rubber chickens! Actually, I talked to my accountant. I own a rubber chicken factory! I didn't know it.

Dinkie: HOw did you get it?
Dazza: You see I bought this company which was crashing, and part of their assets was a factory - of rubber chickens.

Dinkie: So you're rolling in money?
Dazza: Oh yeah, it's making money for me! In fact, it was only part of the company that was making money. Good investment.

Dinkie: So what's your title then?
Dazza: Queen Rubber Chicky of Jeruselem ...

Dinkie: Hikfie Dallas is doing be at your place at lot then!
Dazza: Too right.

Dinkie: Hey, watch out ... too late! (a whole lot of water falls on Dazza)
Dazza: Eck! Where did that come from.

Dinkie: The roof I think.
Dazza: My Kimono is made of silk. What can you see?

Dinkie: Everything ... no underwear I see. You look damn good for someone forty years old.
Dazza: Oh well, call me Kelly Firth then. That's it from THE FOOTBALL LIFE. I'm Dazzi, the wet weather girl!

Dinkie: And ON YA BIKE

Group 3
Qazox 0 Bettia 1
Jeruselem 2 Tynelia 2

Francis Love-child, the chief artists for the "abominations" of kits that the Bazalonians had been supplied with before returning back to their pre-34 World Cup kits. Approached a press conference, he has nervous his eyes where all red and scratchy. He had just spent some time in Spruitland sampling the "goods" over their and had returned to such a furore over the kits he was responsible...

"Whoah, dudes. This is like not cool. The kits have meaning, you know, maaan. You see these circles... yeah they mean something maaan. And just because you can't see the meaning behind them doesn't make it, like, not there. Uh, questions?"

"What the hell where you thinking when you designed the kits?"

"The process of design is a creative process where ideas flow and split, merge and fall off, I can't really say what I was thinking because when you know, I have those creative juices flowing I just lose all sense of time and I just go with the flow."

"What's your opinion of the BFSA dropping your design for a kit that has been almost run ragged over the last 4 or so years?"

"Don't be hatin' the kit, it doesn't hate you."

"What will be BazaKits reply to the decision made by the BFSA?"

"I dunno, that is for those stuck up suits to decide, not my cup of Java, it's almost like they talk in a different language. Well, I gotta go, I've got a trip to Sativaville planed, uh, creative uh, exploration. Thanks."

and with that he went down and away from those steps and just hours later BFP Officials raided his home and found large amount of drugs on him. The Trial date has been set but it's not expected to be resolved until after the World Cup has finished.

Meanwhile, Bazakits lawyers has also been busy filing a claim for Breach of Contract in the Bazalonian civil courts with an accompanying injunction to force the Bazalonian Bazalopes to wear their kit for the entirity of their World Cup campaign. A spokesmen said "If they had been wearing the kit as they were supposed to we might have won against Oliverry."

---

In lighter side the Children of Fauxhan Central Public School, have written out a number of answers to the questions that the Ariddians had proposed.

Here are just some of the answers to the questions...

Question 1: What is unique about my country’s football team?

"The national team of Bazalonia is unique because... It has my Daddy and Uncle in it." (Alissa Yunn, daughter of Ricky and Niece of Thomas Yunn)

"The national team of Bazalonia is unique because... because the clothes that they wear when on field look funny."

"The national team of Bazalonia is unique because... Their called Bazalopes, but aren't really Bazalopes cos that would be weird."

Question 2: What is unique about my country?

"Bazalonia is unique because... because of all the cool animals that we see at the zoo."

"Bazalonia is unique because... Wolfgang Omozer makes funny movies."

"Bazalonia is unique because... of all the great friends we have."

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem answers the Ariddian challenge!

Ariddia sent off some questions to schoolkids in all World Cup 35 finals nations. Oddly, it somehow ended up in the St Mary's Jerusalem Catholic Girls school and the same class as ... Kate Dallas. Here's the class responses to the question.

‘What is unique about my country’s football team?’

"My Mum is the coach! Probably the only team to have a coach who has her naked body on the merchandise too."
Kate Dallas, daughter of Dazza Dallas

"It's a team which truly represents Jeruselem unlike our political system"
Sally Smith

"It's probably the only team in the world coached by a self-confessed whore"
Daisy Ahoud

"It's a real weird team! A team of real characters - everyone in the team is weird character"
Liz Bond

"It's our only real representive team. Our religious, political and other systems don't represent the people in the same way"
Debbie Doze

‘What is unique about my country?’

"It's a nation of extremes. Everything is weird and contradictary here."
Kate Dallas, daughter of Dazza Dallas

"God lives here. We can't see him but he's here."
Sally Smith

"Jeruselem is in the bible. We are the nation of the bible!"
Daisy Ahoud

"It's the only place in the world where you can meet people from all religous in one day"
Liz Bond

"Our communes, Jeruselem's communes are weird but such nice places."
Debbie Doze

Crn-Kt: Now we go to our coverage of the Gnomes across the channel.

Ho-Pnk: This is Ho-Pnk live from Bazalonia in one of the tent villages that have sprung up here. As you can see these tents are right in line with Bazalonian low style standards. The black, gold, pink & green tie-dye tents they've made our hideous, but incredibly popular none the less. The Bazalonian government has told us that almost all of the camping spots in the nation have been taken over by the hordes of Az-czid fans here. Now let's look at the highlights from the match.

<Shows Pizelkaxrovsky feeding Kn-Dg for a goal>

The ultimate combo hooked up in the 18th minute to put us up early.

<Shows a brilliant steal by Shockey who then feeds to Levesque for the goal>

Not much happened for about 60 minutes with the Gnomes just establishing their style and wearing down the Green Wombat team. Evenutally an incredible play from Shockey in defense set up a second goal in the 74th minute. Haji-Me added a third from defense in the 89th to finish off the win.

Suprisingly the mood was not as jubilant as might be expected from a bunch of people partying in a foreign country uber-campground. Of course there were celebrations, but they were subdue due to the disappointing draw of their friends in Bazalonia and the expectedness of beating Green Wombat.

In other results Schiavonia failing to win against Turori and Alasdair I Frosticus falling to Fmjphoenix in group 4 were the biggest suprises of the day.

They had come to Bazalonia for many reasons, they claimed. Some wanted to see the "idealic" city of Hughestown. Others were curious to see clothing rumored to be unimaginably beautiful. Several planned to scale Mt. Hughes. A sizable proportion were ogling at the Prospero.

They came to Stadium Verona, and watched something new to most of them. It was a game that some accused of being slow. But the Zwangzug visitors quickly began to feel the rhythm. If they could not understand it, they could appreciate it.

And when that Geisenfried forward scored? That wonderful, arcing kick filling the net? There was a buzz among the Zwangzugians, a...dissatisfaction. They would have preferred it to have been the other way.

At halftime, they stood up, wandered around. The stadium was full: rabid Geisenfried supporters and local Bazalonians to meet. And these people were eager to meet them, too. They wanted to discuss the game. They wanted to make eye contact (which was a bit off-putting to some of the Zwangzug tourists). And (the Geisenfried followers at least) wanted to hold onto their team's lead.

So there was a competition here. A deep-rooted emotion that spread to those outside of the game as contagiously as it did between the participants.

Well, they could hold their own.

The second half began. When Simon Ryne's shots went wide, there was a roar to balance the Geisenfried cheers. As the power of the clock was realized, arbitrary timing signifying a cutoff to a game-no, a sport-they could have watched for a longer time, there was disappointment.

From nothingness had come existence. From individuals had risen a fandom.

"Dude did you get that survey?"

"Yeh man"

"Well what did you say?"

"I said our team is unique because of the 3-3-4 formation and Milchama is unique because of our kibbutzim"

"I said the same thing about why Milchama is unique although I said our team is unique because no other team sacrifices rubber animals to an imaginary god to guarantee victory"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

These children's responses were right in the norm as out of the 120 students asked in Alexandria Slope 2 school 67% said that what made Milchama unique was the kibbutz system of living. The other 33% had very assorted answers.

25% of respondents said that the 3-3-4 formation made the National Team unique while 45% said that sacrificing did the same thing. A further 10% said the unique thing about the National Team was some great player or other (usually Belmowitz, occasionally Floren). The rest of the responses were way to scattered to notice.

The results were then sent back to Ariddia.

North Star Elementary
Arlington, Zwangzug

"Carly, put away that book," Paige Lowell instructed.

The fifth-grader scowled. "I'm just about to prove the quadratic theorem!"

"You can complete your squares after lunch. We've got a special project to work on."

Reluctantly, Carly put the math book aside. "We? Is this gonna be a group project?"

Paige knew not to alienate her independent students. "You'll be able to work with each other if you like, but you don't have to if you don't want to. You'll probably be bouncing ideas off each other." There was a slight pause, and she realized that they were waiting for her to present the assignment. "Right. Do any of you know where Ariddia is?"

Silence.

"This is Ariddia." She turned on an overhead projector, and an image of the islands beamed onto the screen. "It's a country of different islands, and it's where they started-uh-" She checked the printout she'd received. "The World Cup." Nervous silence; then, a tall boy on the left-hand side of the classroom, near the window, raised his hand. "Yes, Thomas?"

"Is that that soccer tournament?"

"Um, it's called football."

"Mara in Mr. Beane's classroom says it's the same thing."

"Ah. Um..." Paige hastily scanned the letter she'd received. "Um, maybe. I'll have to look into that. Right, let me make sure I know what I'm talking about. I'll be right back."

David raised his hand. Without bothering for Paige to notice him from the back row, he spoke out. "Can we watch the game on TV?"

"It already happened, stupid." Laura whirled to face him. "It's in a different time zone."

"Don't insult your classmates," Paige replied on automatic.

For the generalized equation, Carly read covertly, divide both sides by a so that the x^2 term has no coefficient...

Back in the present/past/future:

ROCKPORT WORLD NEWS, Channel 7

Been a month now days now, and the Cascade has shown no signs of doing anything but glowing occasionally blue when the sunlight hits it. Our scientists have speculated that the cascade has either reached it limit of expansion or that some supernatural force has stopped it. Either way, now about 120,000 Qazoxians have moved into the eastern part of the country, despite warnings that the cascade could start growing again at anytime. More as it develops.

As for Ariddia's request, Qazox respectfully declines to participate, as no children have been allowed back into the country as of yet.

<Skip ahead to sports>

At the World Cup, Bettia took on Qazox for the first time ever. Despite the potent offense of the Aroras, Qazox held firm until the 78th minute when Budi Busilanta managed to score off a corner kick. 1-0 was the final score. Up next is Jeruselem and Qazox needs a win here to have any chance to advance to the next round of the World Cup.

And now back to the future/present/past:
June 10, 1911
PLACE Fromburg, Northeast part
TIME 1700 STANDARD

"Snake, i'm warning you, get away from the control panel." Kyle said.

As Snake slowly moved towards the control panel Kyle moved to stop him. As both men wrestled near the controls, Snake lost the devise and it rolled towards the containment field where the other device was. As both men looked on with horror in one case and excitement in the other, the two devices merged and began to glow with a blue light.

"Yesss, It'sss back up to full power again, Now to avenge all the wrongs perpetated on the Atheistic Right over the yearsss! Snake enthuiastically said as he got up off the ground.

"Not this time, or any other time Snake. " Kyle said. "You didn't let me finish what I was saying before. This is the 5th time we've been though this, and i don't wanna repeat myself. 4 times before this, we've fought and the device has merged. Now it is 5 times bigger than it was originally. And that's the bad news. The good news? Only I can use the device."

"What do you mean only you can use the devissse?" Snake said. "we all came through earlier."

"True, but only because the device is linked to me somwhow and only I can operate it. Oh, forgot to tell you, Goodbye, Snake." Kyle said

"Goodbye?? Who do you mean Good----" Snake started to say, until a blast from a quantum gun killed him.

"Yes Goodbye, you snaje-in-the-grass" La-Yo said, "Glad to shoot that sonofabitch, especially since he tried to kill me. So it's happening all over again just like you said in the shuttle. So what now?"

"Now I finish it once and for all. It has enough power to do what I need it to do now. I have to go back to the origin of this device and destroy it once and for all." Kyle said, as he began walking towards the device. "If this works, La-Yo, you'll be back in the Confederation, and it would be as if we've never met."

With that ringing through the air, Kyle stepped into the light and vanished once more....

THE MONASTIC TIMES

DEMOT DYNAMOS DEFEATED
Virtues of Humility Proven

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

In a result that proves the virtues of humility, the Archregimancy defeated group second seeds Demot 2-1 overnight after the group second seeds made the mistake of describing the God-fearing Orthodox as "a weakened side ... looking soft in play and resolve."

"What the Dynamo failed to appreciate" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity, "is that there's nothing the Orthodox like better than being the oppressed underdogs; we never do well from a position of favouritism... we can only win when we feel persecuted by heretics." Other sources close to the squad noted that while the team may well have lost to Assegai Developments at home - as pointed out by the Demot Daily - the monastic footballers also won away at Cathedral Park.

With the Archregimancy only favourites against Green Wombat, MFA officials are confident of getting a result against Az-Cz, hopefully rendering the potentially difficult match against the group's bottom seeds irrelevant. MFA officials are yet to specify whether the squad will play blindfolded against the nude gnomes, or will accept the previously advanced canonical opinion that, as mere soulless beasts (albeit relatively intelligent bipedal ones), the gnomes are incapable of sin in the human sense, and that their nude state is therefore not technically sinful.

In other news, the MFA asked a group of novices to answer the AFA's cultural questions. As there are no children under the age of 16 in the Archregimancy, this group were the closest thing the MFA could find to a 'class of ten year olds.'

'What is unique about my country’s football team?’

We remain the only team consisting solely of Orthodox monks, though we note that a schismatic heretic has been known to play for Jerusalem recently (may God have mercy on his soul).

‘What is unique about my country?’

We are the only nation participating in the World Cup that is an Orthodox monastic community and seminary. It's also probably fair to say that we're also the only nation not to have any female or child residents. We invite all readers of this survey to turn aside from heresy and investigate the beauty and fullness of Orthodoxy.

A group of ten-year-olds at the Matthew L. Yates Library in Sonoma Center—the largest library open to the public in the terrestrial Unified Capitalizt States—were asked to answer questions provided by the Ariddian Secretariat for Culture. Among the responses received were:

What is unique about my country’s football team?

“Which one?”
“Our team is unique because of their 3–3–4 formation.”
“The colors on their uniforms are unique.”
“Great people like Alejandro Bólufero [sic] and Roy Hartenholm make our team unique.”

What is unique about my country?

“It has a government that protects freedom.”
“It doesn’t waste stolen money with silly things like a Secretariat for Culture.”
“Tall cities like Aeropag make the country unique.”
“It has a huge economy.”
“They don’t make people pay for stuff like PBC and those Bazalonian comic books.”

Inside the Footballing Academy at Valanari, three ten year old propects discuss the cultural questions that the Ariddians proposed.

"Amy, what do you think makes the national team unique?"

"Well Mafiel, I think our team is unique because apart from Ashely Walker, all players to ever don a Marauder jersey have been elves. Now with the young half-elf, Rose Diamond Santapa, growing into a solid propsect and potentially earning a spot on the squad in the next tournament or two, that might be changing. But for now, the fact that our roster is made up of one hundred percent elves makes our team unique. What was your responce?"

"Well I said our squad was unique because of the odd 3-5-2 formation we employ. Most 3-5-2 formations are built for a possession style of play and not to stimulate the offence more. But when Soler moved Cuellar and Hawk into the attacking midfield role, it just changes everything. They are far enough up the pitch to set up Kiso and Nikali up top, but still enough in the center to help out on the defence and limit the oppisitions possession. Don't you agree Mikeal?"

"I think both of you have valid points and I'm not going to disagree with you on the footballing front, but the fact both of you said that the nation is unique only because of the bottle of wine we give our guests is cutting the nation a tad short. Now the fact that ever city in the country consists more of three cities and not just one is what makes the country special. Having the typical modern city on the ground, sticking to our roots of living in the trees with the cities in the treetops, and then making use of unused evacuation tunnels for the cities of our drow cousins is marvelous. This my friends is why the ESF unique, not just some silly wine tradition."

Just as the three were abuot to get into a heated debate, their instructor comes in and reminds them that they have crossing drills in three minutes and they best not be late.

1-1!! ONE-ONE!!! AGAINST REJISTANIA!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!

There is NO chance that Hacker's mob will get a win against SLANI and it will come down to who scores most against the Fire Cheats. And as Hacker wouldn't know attack if it were a drawing pin on his derriere there is even less chance of that happening.

How amusing to see Hacker desperately trying to play attacking football when one down. When Saint went on up front with Newton they were both astonished to find that they could play the ball forwards as well as backwards. And when Basset was moved up front it was like Fred Karno's Army as they got in each other's way.

It was a shame they did bumble the ball home somehow in injury time, Basset claiming the credit, to give Wentland a point; I was so hoping they'd go home pointless. Nevertheless if the Capitalizts do what they're meant to do and dismember the almost karelan defence the Swifts put in then it'll be ta-ta Hacker.

My main concern is in the other game. Whom do I prefer? Choices, choices...must be the Orange-Blues. If only because they dive less.

Elven Times
Class of '29 Quaked?

Both Quakmybush and the ESF came onto the footballing scene back in World Cup 29, and both nations choose to forego the Baptism of Fire before hand to get some expirence in a large scale international tournament. While both teams did exceptionally well in their first qualfying campaign, it was luck that favored the Quakmybush squad then, giving the debutants a trip into the Proper whilst the Elves were left in mere third place. That string of luck continued as the Quakmybush national team made the Proper in their first three tournaments, and it was not until the Elves fifth tournament before they made the tournament Proper, a Cup which ironically was hosted by Quakmybush and Az-cz. It was at that point that the class of World Cup 29 began to change, as the Elves made a decent run into the knockouts, and followed it last tournament in their now famous run into third place and cementing their spots as a world elite power. The changing face of the class of 29 came to a closing point last night, when superstar Kiso Night, lead the fearless Marauders in a three to nil whitewashing, and collecting a hattrick along the way.

The Quakmybush squad certainly showed their age as the could not keep up with the speed of the midfield as: Cuellar, Stone, and Jannian ran complete circles around the backline of Quakmybush. The frustration eventually mounted for the Quakmybushians as Gait got his first card in the forteenth minute, kicking Kiso's feet out from under him before the ball was even played and Sorley got a yellow in the forty-third minute when he shoved Constant to the ground before a throw in. Gait would not calm himself and got his second yellow in the 70th minute when Jannian tried to dribble past him and was tackled harshly from behind after he had made his move. Overall, the Quakmybush squad was outplayed and outclassed, finishing with 3 cards and 34 fouls commited as opposed to 0 cards and only 19 fouls commited by the Marauders.

Kiso's three goals where all of marvelous quality, but it was the fact that three different players assisted on the three magnificent talleys was what made it amazing. His first goal came where Constant found Jannian down the wing, and Jere collected it calmly before deking his mark and sending in the dangerous low cross that was siccor kicked home by the fiesty striker. The second goal was the byproduct of some fine give and go action between Hawk and Cuellar that resulted in Hawk lobbing the ball into the box and Night putting in a diving header before Gait could corral it. The final goal was the suberb work of captain Justinian constant who stole the ball from Fields at the box in their own end, broke out and around the few defenders in the way, and delivered the most excellent of back passes with the smallest of toe touches as Kiso took it in stride, and smacked it near post hard and low and nailed the Quakmybush defeat right into the coffin.

The Lowland Clans handled the Sel Appans just as well as the Marauders managed the Quakmybush, and both squads are doing as predicted. The Marauders will need to take Sel Appa seriously and not let their confidence be the downfall of them, as they will need to take the points to make sure that they have some cushion going into that big match up in the last fixture of group play. The Turtles will be looking to take out their frustations after a thrashing like the Galaxy handed them, and if Soler doesn't keep his players heads from hitting the clouds, they could find themselves on the wrong side of all too often played out upset on the second fixture in group play. I expect the veterans to keep the newcomers on the level, and the Marauders to march out with three points in the bag, and qualification if all goes well in the other match.

Elves Security Forces 3
Kiso Night (12, 56, 60)

Quakmybush 0
Cory Sorley [] (43)
Harry Gait [] (14) [] (70)

Schedule
MD1: Quakmybush v ESF 0-3
MD2: ESF v Sel Appa
MD3: Lowland Clans v ESF

Article by Luna Santapa

<In a factory in Jeruselem, workers making rubber chickens were going about their daily business, when the boss ran in>

Boss: Everyone, the owner's daughter is coming for a visit! I want everyone to be on their best behaviour. You don't have to hide those naked girly pictures, because the owner is Dazza Dallas. In fact, put up all the naked Dazza Dallas pictures you can find - to prove we love our boss.

<Later>

Kate: Hello, I'm Kate Dallas - the Little Bike. Mum sent me here to look around.
Boss: Nice to meet you, you look just like your mother.
Kate: I'm just as naughty too. When I grow up, watch out.
Boss: Well, this is your factory. You are the future owner.
Kate: Not yet, but now I know where the rubber chickens come in Jeruselem.

<Later>

Boss: There are our finished products, Kate. You saw how we turn those blocks of rubber into Milchamian sacrificial products.
Kate: There's sure a lot of them here. So there's one for every occasion?
Boss: Yes, these standard looking ones are normally used but these special gourmet ones are for special favours. Like the Dazza one here.
Kate: who buys these chickens?

Boss: Mostly Milchamians, locally and for export. Local perverts, kids who love chickens and novelty stores. Oh and a few martial arts experts who use rubber chickens as weapons.
Kate: How is business?
Boss: It's good! I love World Cup time. It's when people sacrifice their chickens to Maggie the most, a great time.
Kate: What's so special about the chickens here?

Boss: Natural rubber with all natural enhancers and colouring. We don't use the nasty chemicals other producers use so our customers don't get sick from the smoke unless they die of CO2 poisoning.
Kate: I noticed a lot of workers aren't local.
Boss: A lot of Milchamian expats work here, and people who can't find a job elsewhere. This job isn't rocket science but it makes money.
Kate: Who designs the chickens?

Boss: My Milchamian wife ...
Kate: So she's clucky then!
Boss: Yes, traditional clucky. She's got no shortage of chickens to sacrifice. We do it the green way though.
Kate: I noticed this new one!

Boss: It's the Kate chick - named after you. Technically it's not chicken, it's chick. It looks sorta fluffy but we are dealing with rubber here.
Kate: Can I take one? It's cute. A rubber chick, nice.
Boss: Go ahead, you're the boss around here.
Kate: You like my Mum? You know - when you saw all of her on recent THE FOOTBALL LIFE?

Boss: Well, I could keep young like her. It's good for you Kate, good genes.
Kate: I have to go to school now. Thanks for Kate chick chicken!

"Basil!"

"Theo!"

"Ermmmmm, just what are we doing here at the.... errrrr Imperial Academy for Incredibly Arrogant and Precocious 10 year olds? Shouldn't we be watching a football match?"

"A what, Theo?"

"A football match, Basil. Weren't we supposed to be playing Fmjphoenix last night? You know, getting off to a good solid start against one of the weakest teams in the group in order to recover from our horrific qualifying campaign?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"The football match!"

"Sorry?"

"Look, this isn't hard, Basil.... there was a...."

"No, Theo. I think you're mistaken. And I think if you reflect upon this letter sent to us by HEFA and ISPI, you'll see that you'll finally understand that there was no football match..."

"Let me see that... Upon the Order Of His Imperial Majesty the Basileus .... No news of the ..... complete embargo on all news of.... extreme sanction.... Right. I quite see what you mean. So just what are we doing here at the Academy for Incredibly Arrogant and Precocious 10 year olds, anyway?"

"The cute little tykes are going to be answering a couple of questions from Ariddia. We actually rather like Ariddia, remember....."

"Of course I do, Basil. Who could forget World Cup 1! What are these questions, anyway?"

"Let's ask the boys and girls, Theo! Alright girls and boys.... "What is unique about my country’s football team"

"They're like, really, really, cool."

"Yeah. They totally rock."

"Yeah. They're cool."

"Yeah. Awesome."

"I see, and there's nothing more specific....?"

"Nah. They're just, like, totally cool."

"Yeah. And they rock."

"Right. And moving on to the second Ariddian question.... "What is unique about my country?"

"It's, like, totally cool."

"Yeah, the Holy Empire Rocks."

"Yeah, it's awesome."

"Yeah. And it rocks"

"I already said that, dude."

"Yeah, so you did."

"Well, there you have it, Theo, the opinion of the articulate, brilliant, and insightful children of the Academy for Incredibly Arrogant and Precocious 10 year olds"

Congratulations to a Geisenfriend visitor for winning the Verona Propsero.

---

In one of the quickest turn arounds in Bazalonian Court History the legal challenge of the BFSA decision to scrap the "kits" as designed and made by Bazakits and the accompanying injunction to force the Bazalonian team to wear them. Has come to a decision, the injunction and the civil suit against the BFSA was won by Bazakits. This is what the judge had to say when handing down his findings.

"The so called kits as provided by Bazakits, are by themselves a crime against fashion and in my opinion has harmed the cultural reputation of Bazalonia, however despite this legally, I have no option, the BFSA had signed an agreement which garaunteed that the kits that would be produced by Bazakits would be worn during the Bazalonian matches for the Final stages of the World Cup. In this I find that the Bazalonian Federation od Soccer Associations has indeed failed to live up to it's responsibilities under the contract and so in the matter of failure to abide to a contract, damages will be awarded at a date to be determined. As for the injunction... I also find in favour of the defendent, the Bazalonian Federation of Soccer Associations is hearby required to make the Bazalonian National Soccer team, the Bazalopes, wear the kit provided by Bazakits. Failure to do so will assuredly be taken into consideration when awarding damages."

--

The result was made public just 2 hours before the Bazalopes next game,

"We have only on option... to fight back, sue them for Loss of Revenue, and for Slander."

"Slander? Yes, by making these kits they have hurt our international reputation. Just look at the gnomes latest broadcast *Press play on a VCR that is in the room which displays the broadcast as seen on Az-cz television.

"Oooo.. Slander.... I still don't get it.."

"We'll there probably be more but our legal team will be making something up now."

From Noz-Tf head of Az-cz football federation

Here are a collection of quotes for the two Ariddian questions:

1. What is unique about your football team?

"Pink" Go-Zar, 1st grader, Mil-Bax Elementary

"We don't have no forwards" Lu-Ron, 3rd grader, Art-Bob Elementary

"We've got small bodies, but big hearts" Jo-Lo, 6th grader, Ju-Zed Elementary

"Three words. Stamena, Stamena, Stamena." Hulee-Oh, 4th grader, Ji-Wa Town Elementary #7

2. What is unique about your country?

"Everything" Hup-Tan, 2nd grader, Art-Bob Elementary

"We're a nation of robbers." James McDougal, 4th grader, Zu-Ort Elementary

"Our country was founded after a legendary gnome thief who travelled with a band of heroes including a half-orc knight, Az-cz, elf and human sorcerers, and dwarven and human clerics. The legend is that Az-cz escaped on an escape pod from a ship used by the creators of the universe and crash landed here. He was incredibly powerful and some say that with the right magic he could be brought back to life." Kir-Wex, 6th grader, New Wave Elementary

We took our questions to the national Junior Policy Wonk Champion in the 11-and-under Division, Marc-David Leboeuf. As a prize, he will be credited as a co-author on a policy paper on changes in NMS's Uranium Mining industry after it's sudden relocation to AO from the Kingdom of the Midlands.

1) What makes your nation's football team so unique?

Its incredible arrogance and propensity for mass riots. This was a nation whose entry on the international stage was marked by calling out the fifth-ranked nation at the time (Bedistan) and then beating them, on the road, followed by sacking and burning one of their major cities (Columbia). Then we made a song about it and sang it at almost every national match played since then. It's been kind of downhill from there. Also, we're so much better than Milchama at life and everything in it that it's not even funny. We are so damn arrogant, in fact, that we'll reply to questions asked in a tournament that we're not even in.

See? It's answers like that which show how incredibly arrogant we can be.

2) What makes your nation unique?

Hmm, we're a French Canadian Orthodox nation which plays football, hockey and baseball and is run in a manner unbefitting the province of Quebec from which we sprung (i.e. a competent manner.) I'm gonna have to think that one over for a bit...hmm...the Philly Cheesesteak and Poutine combo at Pascale's in Sorel is pretty unique. Especially on Endless Beer Mug night. I'm told that the belching emitted from there those nights is a musical symphony unlike any other.

Unique enough for you?

Assegai Developments Manager Zacharius looked pensive. He turned to face the members of his team, who were all sitting at their respective locker stalls, with their heads hung low.

"This is not the way we had hoped to begin this tournament, team," he said in a serious tone. "Losing 0-2 to a team that we are very capable of defeating on any other day is a bitter pill to swallow. Still, I saw the effort you put forth. I hope you can put forth the same...and more, in our next game."

The players look up at the elf and nod.

"We can still get out of the group phase," he continues. "Go out there against Errinundera and bring us home some points. I know you can do it. Finishing first in your qualifying group was no fluke. Oh, yes, and most importantly..."

Before he can finish, all the players get up and scream in unison, "NEVER REST EASY!"

Zacharius nods.

"Man that game was excellent"

"I know barely eeking it out over Yafor 2, great day to be a Milchamian."

"Completely 100% agreed"

"Who scored again?"

"Belmowitz in the 21st minute and that's all we needed"

"He's soooooooooo good"

"yeh"

"Well anyway it's time to pray to Margaret"

"Yep, wait!"

"What?!"

"I just realized something, Oliverry tied Bazalonia we're in first place. A win and we're through!"

"Woo hoo!"

"Let's pray extra hard"

*Rings the Hornbell*

"We have a shot at glory, at fame, at octafinals! So let me hear you a 1! a 2! a 3!"

"Take me out to the ball game"

"STOP!"

"Sorry do as I do and say as I say"

''Ringa pakia!''
''Uma tiraha!''
''Turi whatia!''
''Hope whai ake!''
''Waewae takahia kia kino!''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Tēnei te tangata pūhuruhuru''
''Nāna nei i tiki mai whakawhiti te rā''
''Ā upane, ka upane''
''Whiti te rā, hī!''

"Come on people that wasn't good enough"

"We need louder"

"Flippo"
"Flippo"
"Gnarsty"
"Gnarsty"
"Gnostic"
"Gnostic"
"Marc J. Floren"
"Marc J. Floren"

"Dude that has to be the logical sequence ever"

"Agreed"

"Now run around and strip"

*52 minutes later*

"Come on let's go"

"Baruch atah adoMargaret may you bring us great victory over the hordes of Bazalonia. May their hearts flee from the game and may we score enough goals for victory"

"Sacrifice the chicken!"

*Chicken's head is cut off*

"Thank you Margaret for our victory over Yafor 2 and may you accept our sacrifice on behalf of Milchama so that we may win this next match."

Demot Daily ~ Slip and Stumble, but do you Fall?

A very poor start for the Dynamo, as they were unable to overcome the Monks anonymity despite recongizing Fr. Barsanuphius the Strong due to the encounters they have had with him in AO regional competitions. The Monks were the fortunate ones with one of their goals careening in off the post instead of flying out for a goal kick. Now the Dynamo have to rebound and make sure that they don't let this poor performance over the last three matches continue as they go up against the Green Wombat side in the next affair, which is now a must-win situation if the knockouts are still going to be the goal for the squad. David Masteron, captain of the squad in the previous four tournaments, needs to show his great tactical genious now that he is the head of the squad, as a win against the gnomes looks like it will now be required. This loss against a weaker side really scrambles up the plans the Dynamo had heading into the Proper, and they desperately require a turnaround or be one of the growing number of nations to have a few good runs and then fade into a mid-tier team.

The Monks struck early, with Fr. Barsanuphius getting a clear push off on Falls before recieving a through ball and firing a hard shot that Orien wasn't able to get to in time. The squad responded positively, and dominated the rest of the half, but with nothing to show for it, going down the goal. Christi Sans clearly was showing her age, and just couldn't keep up with the Monks and Masteron brought on the untested Conner in her stead. While the young Lea has good footballing pedigree, and some decent results in domestic play, it was her first cap, and it was a real wildcard briging the little lady in. However, just ten minutes after the half started, Lea found a small gap in the Monks defence with Stark hitting her with a long square cross that she brought down, flipped over her defender, and volleyed it past the keeper who lost his footing before the shot to level things and seemed to give the Dynamo the advantage. However, Mercedes would be ejected four minutes later for what seemed a clean tackle. Down a man, it was due time that Barnsanuphius found the net again, with a hard shot from far out and somehow curled it off the post and in, leaving Orien frustrated as he thought it was going out of play.

Green Wombat is going to be a decent challange for the Dynamo, as they are poised to make up for their wretched showing against Az-cz. The Wombat's strength is their defence, as they play five on the back and will look to stimey the high-powered offence that the Dynamo employ. A win, coupled by a Az-cz win over the Monks would be the best scenario as that will leave things very wide open going into the last matchday, forcing the Monks to have to defeat the Green Wombat side that would be looking for anything they could get going into the final matchday. The squad is going to have to rely on the midfield to control the pace of play and distribute as they did in the qualifiers to enable a positivie outcome. Most of all, the honor of the nation is on the line here, and that alone should motivate these slumming players back to their superstar form, and bring back that respect they earned the previous two tournaments.

Demot 1
Lea Conner (56)
D.J. “Cool” Mercedes [] (60)

The Archregimancy 2
Fr. Barsanuphius (7, 79)

Article by Jerome Berse

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-News-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Ulzaxid has Marc J. Floren on team

In a new development here the Milchamian press just noticed that there is a striker on the Ulzaxid named Marc J. Floren. Considering the awesomeness we decided to interview him during the preparations for the Cup of Harmony

Me:Well considering it's not your real name why did you choose of all strikers in World Cup history to take the name Marc J. Floren?

MJF: Well I didn't choose it actually. The coach was looking at the list of hall famers and found Floren listed because of his relative recentness it was easier to get information on him and it's a grand sounding name, no?

Me:Yeh it most certainly is, have you done any research on him, do you feel like you can live up to his legacy?

MJF: I haven't done much research on him, no. My understanding is he scored some crazy goals at the end of his career, but other than that no idea. As for living up to his legacy, no way. If we played in full morph form I'd surpass it easily, but in the form we use it's just too difficult.

Me:what do you mean full morph form?

MJF: well Ulzaxids are made up of five different organisms coming together.
The forms we actually use in every day life is all five forms joined together but in that form we're over 10 feet tall, super quick, strong and can fly, along with our telapathic abilities it would give us quite an advantage so when we play we only use two or three forms morphed together

Me: Most definitely. so with form impairments in mind how do you think Ulzaxid will do in the CoH and you personally?

MJF: well we've struggled so far in general. after strong play in our first AOCAF, we've found it tough going in the cup itself I think we're all just hoping to make friends none of us are really soccer players and the team is fielded as a diplomatic endeavor more than anything

Me: So then no competitive instinct at all?

MJF: not much. You have to understand the history of our race.]

Me: which considering I'm a milchamian journalist i don't, explain

MJF: We're telepathic morphs. We share memories with the members of our morph and as young ones we practice mind swapping so we can experience events from the point of view of everyone involved. Not to mention telepathic conversations and what not. we are individuals, but in a very different way that regular humans are. As such competition is much different for us.

Me: So then what is competition?

MJF: Well most of it is self-competition. Of course we have sports and games and things to maintain our physical condition. But much more important than beating others is improving yourself

Me: Aha I see now. I also see you're being summoned thank you for the interview.

MJF: You're welcome.

A great thing and clearly on the way to try to greatness or at least betterness which is all a being could ask for, I bet you the REAL Marc J. Floren is on his way there now trying to get better at something or other.

To: Ulzaxid
From: Elven Footballing Association

We have decided to adhear to your requests for former footballers names for your "players". Listed below are names of players who have agreed to have their names duplicated for your "players" if you so desire.

Pos-#-Name-Age-Last Club Played For -Sex

GK: #50 Jeft Mathius - 1306 - SC Vagrant Hills (M) (Assegai)
DF: #11 Fred Michaels - 1169 - Hartdale Hawks (M)
DF: #40 Kris Consmith - 1189 - FC Longview (M)
DF: #23 Clint Centron - 1188 - Baysleef Bombers (M)
MF: #31 Roberte Suplveda - 1089 - FC Travesian (M)
MF/AF: #5 Kyle Collins - 1197 - Gladerial Twilight (M)
AF: #27 Daymon St. John - 1389 - Gladerial Twilight (M)

Health N Happiness

"Right," Paige muttered as she angrily flipped through a conveniently-placed dictionary, "While I'm stuck on this, you start brainstorming things that make our country unique. Have Alex write them down." Alex was the only student in the class with legible handwriting, but compensated for this skill by being academically mediocre (in a worldwide context, which translated to subpar by Zwangzug standards). By the time she had finally ascertained that yes, football and soccer were the same game (unless you were an ignorant brute that called some more idiotic game "football"), her class was still blank. "Ah. Uh...okay. Let's see. Connor, help me set this thing up." The boy addressed eagerly rose and deftly typed at his teacher's computer screen. "That's the grade book, Connor."

"Ya think I don't know that?"

"Right. Um. Just access the tape, will you?" A bit downcast, he booted up the file of the Geisenfried game. "Right. We're going to watch this, uh, video, and while we do, I want you to list ideas as to what makes our team unique. We're the ones in the black and white stripes."

"We gotta whistle!" yelled Alex.

"Um, so we...That's the referee, sorry."

"We gotta big ol' metal thing to blow into," Hailee volunteered.

"I just established that-oh, so we do. Pause the tape, Connor, and-no, don't click there." Paige removed her student's fingers from the keyboard. "Does anybody know what that is?"

"It's a saxophone," volunteered Vicki, an oboist.

"Bari sax," drawled Thomas (the only student that could have lifted it).

In an attempt to take back the direction of the conversation, Paige began, "Yes, that makes something unique about our team. Anything else?"

"They all work together," Alex smiled. The graces of social interaction were another of Alex's rare gifts.

"So they do," Paige nodded vaguely.

"Not like those Geisenfried idiots. See that weirdo standing all by himself?" Laura pointed out.

"That's not polite language," Paige recited. "Anyhow, our..."

"It's called a formation," Thomas enlightened. "3-2-1-2-3."

"Yes, that's unique." She jotted it down. "Now, anything unique about our country?"

"Nobody works together," muttered Nicholas, who sat next to Carly.

"Well, we're certainly an...internally competitive...nation."

"But we're share our money," Alex reminded them.

"Socialist and antisocial. I think that qualifies as unique."

Andrew 'The Bandit' Creek began his little plan to refocus domestic football within the Lowland Clans. He discussed a little about professional football history within the Allied States, how it was fairly glorious but spotty along the way, with wars and upheavals limiting the potential for development of a truly entrenched professional league, especially given the occasional burst of inclusions of member-states with there own domestic football rules and regulations, and in the case of the Legal Republic, far too many to serve as practical integration with the existing domestic football. So stars came and went, teams rose and fell, and even storied teams like City FC and High;anders struggled to attracted attention. So what would the FFLC do? Well, build the youth. Youth have been shown to be much more committed to the sport than anyone else, and would never suffer from the problems that plagued professional leagues. Fashion leagues built around the Academies, found schools who were devoted to football as there sport. While many of the details were kept under wraps, it certainly intrigued everyone who saw it.

----------------------------------------

GRAHAM CITY SUN - World Cup Coverage

Clans, Elves Christen Tellman Field With Demolitions

LONDON - The Lowland Clans and the Elves Security Forces both won their games in an all-day, football extravaganza, with demonstration, a high-profile friendly between City FC and Highlanders in the morning, culminating with the opening match of World Cup 35, the second to be hosted in the Allied States in recent years. London was abuzz with the days activities, and everything in the city was more or less shut-down for the return of the World's Most Famous Sporting Competition. Tellman Field, named after the victorious Army Major who first planted St. Andrew's Stars over Viannor's palace and a renowned Army footballer, hosted it's first ever matches today, first in the morning between City FC and Highlanders, who in a rather tight affarir for an off-season friendly drew 2-2. The second match, between ESF and Quakmybush.

ESF of course, thoroughly dismantled the Quakmybush, with a match that could have ended with a much greater score than 3-0, but fans were abuzz to see if the Galaxy were able to match this trememdous thrashing against Sel Appa, whose squad was faced with angry supporters with signs such as "Sel Appans = Aquillans," and whose team was mocked by equating them with those slani Aquillans. Behind the loud home crowd, the Galaxy certain showed they were up for the show. Irish striker Neil Kelly of course, entertained by dashing throughout the Sel Appan side, terrorizing the defence and painting all four corners of the posts with hard, cracking shots. He pulled one of his trademark ridiculous misses, known as "kellies," by being delivered a wonderful cross by captain Gary Gerwig, only to huck it over the keeper, the empty net, and twenty rows of seats. Kelly as always though, made up for it with a wonderful strike from the top of the box, curling to through the hands of the keeper and into the back of the net. The game was so dominated by the forwards that the defence rarely ever saw action. Infact, one report has declared that leftback Joseph Prescott even broke out a lawn chair and began reading a tabloid!

And so the opening of Tellman Field was an unprecedented success, and with Quakmybush the next opponents, it is clear that a win is expected for the Clans. However, the real test will be when the Elves and Galaxy meet on the third matchday.

..:: The Lowland Clans 3 - 0 Slani Aqullians
Neil Kelly (32')
Gary Gerwig (45')
Stephen Fasci (67')

..:: BazaClans World Cup 35 Group Stage Matchday2 SCORES! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12782685&postcount=15) ::..

Back in the present/past/future:

ROCKPORT WORLD NEWS, Channel 7

Still no change in the CASCADE as of yet. It's been about 5 weeks now that it has just been hanging in the same spot like the proverbial Sword of Damocles. "Will it begin to grow again?" and "I believe it will revrse itself soon" have been the primary responses to any questions asked to our sceintists. More in this as it develops, if anything does happen.

<Skip ahead to sports>

Well despite only allowing 2 goals in their first two matches, Qazox will not be advancing to the next round due to the fact that they can't score. A 39th minute goal Jeruselem's Dinkie Dosha provided the only scoring. Up next for the Black Oxen is Tynelia, and Qazox' last chance for a win at this World Cup.

And now back to the future/present/past:
PLACE: Unknown
TIME: Unknown

...And emerged into a place completely void of anything, but was surround by a white light that came from no source Kyle could see. As Kyle looked around, he saw a person sitting on a rickety wooden rocking chair about 30 feet away from him. As he walked towards the person, somehow, it remained 30 feet in front of him. After a few minutes of this, Kyle stopped and just stood there staring at the person.

"You do know it is impolite to stare, or didn't your mother teach you any manners." the person in the chair said, but the way it sounded, it emminated from behind Kyle. Kyle quickly turned around and saw the person and the chair now in front of him.

"Who.. what... where am I?" Kyle asked.

"You are Kyle Cartman, a human, although a unusual one, and as for where, welcome to the center of the universe!" the perosn answered, in a voice that sounded both male and female at the same time.

"Why am I here?" Kyle asked.

"Ah.. well this is where you wanted to be, once you used what was it you called it.. Project Cobalt? I have no idea why you came up with that name, it looks nothing like cobalt.' The person answered.

"Who are you?" Kyle asked.

"I go by many names, but the most common one is the Oneiromancer, though those things in the Dreamed Realm call me by a bunch of crappy names such as the Dread Wizard of Dreams, the Dreamweaver, the Lord of Nightmare, Kryptognosis and Kronos of the Void. I rather like the Oneiromancer, kinda has a nice flow." the person said. "And Kyle, I know why you are here, but to suceed in your quest, you are going to have to do something for me first.".

Two women in pink dresses and with microphones.

Dinkie: Hi, I'm Dinkie Dosha. And this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE!
Dazza: And I'm ... you all know who I am. (smiles)

Dinkie: Yes, she's the Village Bike. And look at Jeruselem fans!
Dazza: Yes, all in the red and white! Crusaders have some support here.

There's a commotion in the crowd as small group of men pretending to be Jeruselem fans jump out of the crowd

Men: Dazza must die!

The men rush at the two women. Dazza's bodyguard attempts to block the way but there's too many men to stop as he valiantly fight off their attack. Two men get past him and attack Dazza. Someone throws Dazza a rubber chicken as Dinkie flees and Dazza stands her ground. Dazza fights back with the rubber chicken as a weapon as the men attempt to strangle her. Dazza knocks out one man but the other manages to land on top of her. Dazza knees the man in privates and elbows in him face. He gets grabbed by Dazza's bodyguard and some fans. and gets whacked on the head. The other fans pin down the other assilants making sure they can't escape giving them a few kicks to make sure they know they are in trouble. Security guards manage to get the scene and take the assilants away. Doctors check Dazza and her bodyguard, and they seem alright. Just a few bumps and scratches. Fans jeer the assilants as they are taken away.

Dazza:
Err, sorry about that. Just a few idiots. Yes anyway today Jeruselem took on the Qazox team while our friends Bettia played Tynelia in Group 3. As I said earlier, if Jeruselem and Bettia won their games - it would put out Qazox and force Tynelia to beat Qazox next game. We play Bettia next game. So basically, these set of matches make or break our campaign. There's no escape from failure now for all teams. It's simple maths here.

Dinkie: You alright Dazza?
Dazza: Hey, I'm alright. I maybe 40 but I'm not a fragile little doll. I'm a Dallas girl, we don't run away from a fight.
Dinkie: Umm, I can see your left tit a little.
Dazza: That's nothing, something for my fans!

Fans cheer while security people are running around picking up evidence from the attack.

Dinkie: Well, that was drama.
Dazza: The show must roll on Dinkie. Jeruselem depends on us to the job. A bunch of terrorist thugs isn't going to stop this show.

Dinkie: So where were we?
Dazza: The game result!

Dinkie: Err, we didn't won 5-0 just ONE NIL over Qazox but then Bettia beat them ONE NIL as well.
Dazza: And my favourite person scored the winning goal with busting run through the entire Qazox defense in the 39th minute. Everyone was tired after Qazox held out out defense for so long, it looked like he'd have a draw but Dinkie Dosha didn't give up. She took the ball at ran at the tired Qazox defense, and they were throwing tackles at her left, right and center but they couldn't dispossess her. She was dodging tackles from everywhere and then coolly slotted home a simple goal after the keeper's desperate early dive could not deny her.

Dinkie: That reminds me what do you did when you were younger Dazza.
Dazza: I'm getting old and ugly, although I'm not the ugliest 40 year old around. It's time the young guns stepped up to take over - like you Dinkie. It's your time now, my glory days are over.

Dinkie: Bettia played Tynelia and got soundly beaten. Qazox put up a fight but Tynelia did not - going down 3-1 to mighty Auroras! Which is no shame.

Dazza:
This is what Jeruselem wanted. Bettian and Jeruselem wins! OK, our win was real hard work and Bettia had an easier time but Qazox are out with pride. Losing to Jeruselem and Bettia 1-0 is not shameful. It's something to say they pushed the best teams to the limit. But there's the one more game! We play Bettia while Qazox take on Tynelia. Bettia have made it - so any result to them is irrelevant except where they finish. Jeruselem need a win or draw to secure a spot for certain. If Jeruselem win, they finish ahead of Bettia. A draw would give us 5 points, and 2nd spot. Now, a loss which is also possible would be different. We can afford to lose BUT this is where the other game it important. Qazox are out - doesn't matter what they do. Tynelia need to win - loss or draw is no use. Tynelia need a win and a Jeruselem loss which is possible. From current results, they will have trouble getting anything better than a 2-0 win over Qazox, 1-0 is more likely and Qazox could mess up their plans too.

Dinkie: In short, Jeruselem need a draw or win, and Tynelia need Jeruselem to lose, and they need to win.
Dazza: That's it.

Dinkie: It's YAP YAP and what's the news today?
Dazza: Ariddia! and that kids survey. Err the one with two questions.

Dinkie: We got some interesting responses indeed.
Dazza: Yeah, but it's a good thing. Makes people think about their nation.

Dinkie: So are you Jeruselemite or Ariddian?
Dazza: I was born in Jeruselem, so my loyalties are with home. Saying that, I'd move to Ariddia if I was forced to but that would be a rather extreme thing.
Dinkie: My home is one place, and I will live and die there.
Dazza: That's it from us and THE FOOTBALL LIFE, and ...

Dinkie: Something is hanging out Dazza.
Dazza: It's only a left tit!
Dinkie: ON YA BIKE, because Dazza's on hers.
Dazza: The security people have to interview us about the attack. See ya! Gee, that bastard did tear my top.

Ho-Pnk: A crazy day here in the tented communities in Bazalonia. As you can imagine the fans were not pleased about losing to the hated monks from the Archregimancy. Let's take a look at the match itself before getting to the aftermath of the match.

<Some monk scoring a goal>

The monks scored the first blow in the 18th minute to start the game off wrong.

<Pizelkaxrovsky curling a beautiful free kick into the goal>

Pizelkaxrovsky answered in the 30th to pull things even. The monks added a late goal in the first half to take a 2-1 lead to the break.

In the second half the monks didn't show the energy loss most teams do. Their ass-chasing training or wrestling boars or whatever the heck they do in those monasteries seems to have gotten them in good shape. Despite a shot off the bar we couldn't find an equalizer and suffered a disappointing defeat.

Unsuprisingly the fans didn't take it well.

<Cuts to footage of large bonfires of books>

While there were people careful to make sure no Bazalonian laws were broken there was much burning of things smashing of things and yelling. The Az-cz fans, whereever they were located in the country certainly made their presence felt and for an outsider it could have been quite a scary scene, although there were few recorder injuries or accidents.

While Az-czzers were displeased there were some people quite happy with the events, namely local bookshops and sellers of religious junk. One book store we talked to explained just what happened.

<cuts to footage of a bookstore employee>

Employee: I was confused when soon after the match ended a gnome came into my store and bought a couple of bibles. Knowing them not to be religious I didn't get it. Then I heard the score and knew those bibles were soon to be up in smoke. In less than an hour I was clear out of stock.

<cuts back to Ho-Pnk>

Ho-Pnk: He wasn't the only one. All stores in Pinksford were sold clean out and reports are that across the nation bibles and religious junk has been bought and destroyed by the hordes of gnomes fans in the area. The residents of Pinksford have been displeased, but the government has assured us that no gnomes will be charged with anything as they've been careful to follow regulations in the area.

The team now faces off against good friends Demot. Both nations are disappointed that they will be playing each other to send the other one home. With a win or a draw the robbers move on but if Demot wins they will be the team who advances.

In other world cup news the whole of Bazalonia saw a top seed bloodletting as Squornshelous and Milchama lost and Ariddia drew on a day when the Bazalonia region has been turned up side down. With The Lowland Clans already through and the Bazalopes facing the lowly Yafor 2 the hosts have to be very pleased with results so far, even if their friends aren't.

To the nation of Ulzaxid,

We would like to suggest five names for your national squad:

Manager Caine Hawdon, Bazalonia

He has led two different sides to the world cup and took our nation to the world cup finals as head coach.

MF/FW Kn-Dg

Our greatest ever goal scorer

MF

Pizelkaxrovsky

Already on your side I believe you are aware of his greatness

DF

Khim Azanulbizarn

Another player already on your team, he is both a great defender and a brilliant football mind.

Ulzaxid Football Association Head

Roger Levesque

The only reason we have a football team in Az-cz at all is because this great immigrant to our country. Without him we wouldn't exist. He's not our current -FA head, but he is the key to our sport and it would be a fitting tribute to him to use him as your UFA head.

Noz-Tf
President of Az-cz Football Federation

Dear Cup of Harmony and World Cup nations,

We appreciate the names that have been submitted to us thus far. Here is the current status of the teams names for next cup. The current name is in parentheses

#1 GK Rough_Beast (Adam_Vernazza)
#2 DF Khim_Azanulbizarn (Khim_Azanulbizarn)
#3 MF Pizelkaxrovsky_ (Pizelkaxrovsky_)
#4 MF Kn_Dg (Juan_Tzimisces)
#5 MF Escafil (Esteban_De_Jesus)
#6 FW Alejandro_Bolúfero (Sani_Luvo)
#7 FW Kyle_Collins (Syku_Lyku)
#8 FW Marc_J._Floren (Marc_J._Floren)
#9 FW Daymon_St._John (Trevor_Belmore)
#10 FW ?? (Simeone_Di_Bradini)
#11 FW ?? (Callum_Banda)

Substitutes

#22 GK Gn_Lg (Gn_Lg)
#23 GK Jeft_Mathius (Olivia_Bream)
#12 DF Fred_Michaels (Sir_Douglas_Freech)
#13 DF ?? <possibly Kris_Consmith> (Tina_Realm)
#14 MF Roberte Suplveda (Harald_Axewielder)
#15 MF ?? (Claire_Briscoe)
#16 MF ?? (filthyl_)
#17 FW ?? (Jenji_Y)
#18 FW ?? (Alan_Belmore)
#19 FW ?? (Ari_Smith)
#20 FW ?? (Brian_Wilson)
#21 FW ?? (Johann_Rilke)

Caine_Hawdon (Stuart_Abdul_Rahim), manager of the Ulzaxid football team

As you can see there are plenty of naming spots still available. We'd like to thank the nations of Commerce Heights, Zwangzug, Elves Security Forces and Az-cz for submitting names and hope other nations will join in helping us by the start of next cup.

Stuart_Abdul_Rahim

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 3-3 Zwangzug http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/zwangzug.png

“World Cup 35 curse” continues

For the first time in living memory, there are talks of a “curse” plaguing the Rouge-et-Noirs, after the Ariddians have suffered their sixth draw in twelve matches. Although nobody believes there is a real curse (Ariddians are not superstitious), there is a great deal of displeasure and disappointment.

“Six draws in twelve matches. That’s… statistically improbable,” one supporter grumbled.

Two early goals by Dargeau and Et saw the Rouge-et-Noirs initially confident, until the magnificent Zwangzug team caught up and forged into a 3-2 lead by the middle of the second half – a goal by Olson and two by Stings. It was left to du Valdor to produce a equaliser, but by then supporters’ hopes seemed crushed. Few fans had feared defeat, but many had had grave concerns about the recent trend of accumulated draws.

Zwangzug and Ariddia will now compete by proxy for the remaining qulifying spot in Group 6. Ariddia will have to defeat the already qualified Geisenfried, whereas Zwangzug will have the easier task of playing the already eliminated Acapais.

Results coming in from participant nations’ schools

The press have published answers sent in by schools from virtually all competing nations, giving interesting glimpses into the particularities of each team and country.

Many schools mentioned their team’s unorthodox formation, which became a recurring theme.

Bazalonians mention their team’s unsual kit, and the name ‘Bazalopes’. The strangeness of Jeruselem’s team stands out for that nation’s children, who mention (of course) Dazza Dallas, but also their view that the team represents the country’s diverse population. In Milchama, not surprisingly, the sacrificing of rubber chickens was remarked on. The Archregimancy has the only team of Orthodox monks. Children in New Montreal States talked about their team’s (and country’s) arrogance, and supporters’ propensity to riot.

As for national particularities, the Bazalonians’ friendliness is underlined, as well as their unique animals, and cinematographic culture. Jeruselem is described mainly through its strong religious aspects. Milchama’s kibutz system of living was brought to foreign readers’ attention. A group of novices from the Archregimancy – a nation without children – wrote about the country’s monastic community, and the absence of women. In Commerce Heights, children waxed elogious on the glories of capitalism, prompting some Ariddian commentators to mutter about indoctrination. Children at the Footballing Academy of Valanari, in Elves Security Forces, wrote of the curious structure of their country’s cities. At the Imperial Academy for Incredibly Arrogant and Precocious 10 year olds, children seemed unanimous in their belief that the Holy Empire is a “really cool” place. Children from Az-cz gave a fascinating and detailed description of their country’s founding legend, and explained that theirs was “a nation of robbers”. Perhaps worryingly, New Montreal States’ children talked about the “Endless Beer Mug Night”. Children in Zwangzug reached the interesting conclusion that theirs was a “socialist and anti-social” society, combinging solidarity and competition.

And Ariddians? Children at the Ecole Primaire Annabelle Laurier wrote about their multicultural history and society, their sense of solidarity, their unusual economy, and their great respect for nature and all forms of life. As for the Rouge-et-Noirs… The ulek (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ulek), of course. The Rouge-et-Noirs remain the only team to perform a ritual chant and dance at the beginning of each game, a habit which has brought them some international fame. “They’re the best, but not always,” however, seemed to be the general feeling. No doubt shared by many adult Ariddians today, watching the national team struggle on its way to the next round…

“Welcome everybody to Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s World Cup coverage. I’m your hostess Dinah Miller and with me is the new prophetess of Tynelian soccer Amy Whiteworth-Daniels who continues to be eerily accurate in her picks yet again. Today Tynelia went up against the top seed Bettia and as you called it, lost by a 3-1 margin. How are you doing this Amy?”

“Well I can’t really claim much credit for this one Dinah. I was just playing the odds. As long time viewers may recall our first two matches against Bettia in our first cup were a pair of 3-1 defeats. Then our last defeat at their hands was also by a 3-1 score. So since I thought Bettia would win, it appears there is a rule that it must be by a 3-1 score and there we go.”

“It is a bit depressing though Amy. After all our progress over the years and we still lose by the exact same score as we did fresh off the BoF. Once again Bettia was up 3-0 before Tynelia finally broke into the scoring column as the team was thoroughly outplayed by the top seeds.”

“This has been a very odd cup for Tynelia all around. A cinch to qualify with three matches left, the team stumbles to the playoffs where they managed to sneak away with a win. Now in the cup proper, the team that allowed only 7 goals in 10 matches and the only defensive minded team in the group, has allowed as many goals in two matches as all the rest of the group combined. Yet the team still has a chance Dinah.”

“And sadly enough this is our best chance yet of our three qualifications with a reasonable goal differential for once unlike the first time through. Trailing Jerusalem by three in goal differential and three points the needed win for us and loss to them get two of those goals back. With equal goals scored at this point its possible to get enough of a goals swing to sneak by on goal differential. The schedule works in our favor too as we play the bottom seed Qazox and they face top seed Bettia.”

“It does look promising on paper Dinah but I don’t expect Bettia to run the table, they’re due for a loss and I think Jeruselem will hand it to them. After all Bettia is in so the match is meaningless to them, Jerusalem however needs a point to ensure they move on. And speaking of being due, Qazox has yet to score a goal, so given our defensive play so far that should mean they score a couple here.”

“Well there is the big news that Coach Masterson is starting Sean MacDougal in this pivotal final match after Mandy Martin showed signs of fatigue after taking on the two best teams in the group. Do you think that will be a big factor?”

“It does put the fresh legs and experienced legs in the net though I have to wonder if Mandy feels the same way or if she’s just been demoted. After all, if everything works out right and say Sean puts up a shutout, does Coach Masterson ride the hot hand or go back to his ‘official’ starter.”

“That all depends on whether or not we can get the results we need. I think getting to the knockouts will be a big enough achievement that no one will really care how it got done.”

“But to do that Tynelia has to avoid falling into their old pattern Dinah.”

“What pattern is that Amy?”

“The old pattern from my playing days where the team never seemed to deviate from their seeding in the group, seeded 6th we finished sixth, a string of fourth seeds, fourth place finishes and it’s been holding up in qualifiers too. WC33 we were bottom seed in the group and despite upsetting Krytenia we finished last in the group, last time 3rd seed and finished third. And look at the standings now, third seed and in third place.”

“And possibly taking a step back if we don’t at leats match our three points from the first two Cups. The team has already dropped one place in the rankings after the qualifiers,. That just makes the Qazox match even more important if only for morale’s sake.”

“Yes that’s true Dinah. A win against the Oxen would put us at four points and at least give the team a sense of progress even if they don’t advance. But a loss or draw and the team has to see it as a step backwards.”

“And you’re calling for a draw I suppose to keep your prediction intact aren’t you Amy?”

“Yes I am, Qazox is due to score and Tynelia’s defense is below their normal standards so far so I don’t see any sort of big result here.”

“And I notice that result also gives your prediction about the fate of the class of 27’s total points this cup correct at three points if the Wombats lose their final match as well.”

“There is that Dinah, but Tynelia really hasn’t looked their best other than a thirty minute stretch in the middle of the Jeruselem match. They don’t seem to have the motivation right now to do what it takes to advance.”

“I have to disagree Amy, they faced two top ten teams in a row so naturally it will be a tough task for them to play their best back to back like that. And they did surprise people with a draw against Jerusalem.”

“But maintaining such a high level of play is very draining mentally if not physically. Playing the bottom seed now, the team may relax too much and take things for granted this being the easiest match and one most likely to win in the group but…”

“ …Qazox is sitting there saying the same thing about us. You’re right about that Amy and they may be more fired up than we are after losing a couple of nail biting 1-0 matches to the same two teams that had such little trouble scoring on us. And you know they would love to 1) finally score, 2) avoid being shutout on the points side this cup and 3) cost us a chance to make the knockouts. They do seem to have a serious chance of spoiling things for us now that I think about it Amy.”

“That’s why this match is so dangerous. Qazox has absolutely nothing to lose while we have everything so they will be able to be much looser than we are on the pitch and make things extremely difficult for us to get any sort of big win that we need to catch Jerusalem.”

“Whom you expect to beat Bettia making all this pointless anyway right Amy?”

“I wouldn’t go that far, a win for Tynelia makes this a successful Cup as it would be our best point total ever and salvage an inconsistent showing this time around for the team. But as far as moving on to the next round, then yes it would be pointless.”

“Well even though I already have a good idea what you’re going to say it’s pick time. I’m going to be optimistic here and say Tynelia beast Qazox 2-0 and Jerusalem falls to Bettia 2-1 to get us into our first ever knockouts as we beat them buy one goal scored to win the tiebreaker.”

“That would be nice Dinah but sticking to my guns I think we’re going to end up with a 2-2 draw with Qazox which knocks us out even without Jeruselem’s 3-2 win over Bettia taken into account.”

“I’m sure most of Tynelia is hoping I’m right this time despite your uncanny accuracy so far Amy. But everyone will just have to wait until the match and do lots of scoreboard watching to see if we can overcome the big task before us. So until then this is Dinah Miller for Amy Whiteworth-Daniels for the Tynelian Soccer Weekly crew wishing everyone a good night.”

Wow, that was a bit of a battle. Six sent off, three aside, as it degenerated into an almighty brawl, following a controversial incident that led to Wentland's equalizer. Kalafashi was lying on the ground, six yards out, after a collision with Frank Guthrie, but the Swifts refused to put the ball out of play. Guthrie goal-hanged until the big boot from Bolster came forward, and with the Fire Ants appealling for a non-existent offside Guthrie casually flicked it home. 1-1 with eight minutes to go, and a brawl that involved everyone on the pitch barring Davo Eager who was down with cramp and Crash Robinson who was tending to it.

Referee Mr Trim could have sent everyone off, but chickened out, handing reds to Bolster and Wakishi and yellows to a dozen others, including Norman Hacker.

But fortunately Hacker's strongarm tactics have meant that a victory is imperative against SLANI, and with Jarvis, Burnside and Bolster all suspended after their red cards, and Savage, Vic Guthrie and Clay out following their second yellows of the tournament, it will be a very second-string side going out. Hurrah! Down with the Hack.

"Hmmm... that's interesting." the chairman of the FAB mused.

"What is?" his bespectacled secretary replied, breaking herself away from her ever-growing mountain of paperwork.

"We've just received an open telegram from those Ulzaxid types. Seems they're a bit stuck for names for their squad."

"Aww, that's a shame. They're lovely, those Ulzaxid types. Slimy, but lovely."

"Quite. So Charlotte... got any ideas?"

She pondered this question for a second or two before breaking out into a beaming smile. "I have just the name!" she announced proudly as she frantically scribbled something on a handy piece of blank paper before handing it over to her boss. He chuckled as he read it.

"Oh yes, I like that. I REALLY like that. Okay, can you just type out a quick telegram for me and send it off ASAP?"

She smiled and got to work.


TO: Stuart_Abdul_Rahim, Ulzaxid FA
FROM: Charlotte Higgins, Secretary, Football Association of Bettia

Stuart

It has come to our attention that your squad is in need of names. May we
suggest using the name Tiddles (may she rest in peace). Although she wasn't
a player, she was a very fine (not to mention legendary) arora mascot who
played a major part in our early games (leading our team out onto the pitch,
biting opponents, etc), so much so that our national stadium is now
named after her. Therefore, it would do our nation a great honour if you
were to name one of your players Tiddles.

We look forward to your response
Yours sincerely
Charlotte Higgins

At last, Hannah Angstrom understood.

Inexplicably, Zwangzug had thrown together some semblance of a football team. Less explicably, it had qualified for the World Cup. Apparently, this was of sufficient interest for her to watch.

So, she turned on the TV. Yes, there was the Ariddian team, in a comfortable two-nothing lead. And that was...the striped fools? Indeed, Tercer, the only one for whom she had even a modicum of respect, was anchoring their defense.

She must have gotten the time zones confused. Flipping through the channels, she settled in and watched The Snurfs for an hour and a half instead.

Zacharius, the elf hired by the Assegai Developments Football Association to manage the National Team, stood with his back to his team in the dressing room. Some players were lying with their backs against the wall, some were lying back inside the darkness of their locker stalls, while others had stripped down to their underwear and were sitting at their stalls with towels draped over their heads. It truly was a sad sight to see.

Zacharius took a deep breath and turned to face Joel Monroy, his assistant coach. "Joel, has the other team submitted a game report yet?" Joel shook his head. "Doesn't surprise me," scoffed Zacharius, as a fire filled his eyes for a split second. "It seems we're the only ones that care enough to fulfill our responsibilities with the media. Oh well, that's something else..."

He looks up at his team, who look woeful and glum.

"Riskbreakers! There are two tales to tonight's game. One, I saw a team go out there and give up two soft goals and was unable to do anything to seriously challenge the other team's goal. For that, you should be ashamed of yourselves. For that, you shall be punished. Because we had an agreement. I would make sure you would all be physically and mentally prepared for these games, and you would, in turn, play to the best of your abilities. However, so far, all I see is all of you playing scared... You would let them do this to you? What happened to that team that has toppled No. 1-ranked teams in the past? What happened to that team that has defeated E.S.F. on numerous occasions without nary a thought?"

Of those players whose heads are visible, their heads hang lower.

"On the other hand, I noticed that you did play hard... Scared, but hard. You went out there and ran and ran and ran. Good. You showed the world that you can run all day. I applaud you for that. You are all great physical specimens. Take a bow. However, it's one thing to play hard, and another thing to play smart. You did not play smart tonight... Are you embarrassed? You should be... For our last game, which means nothing anymore, I am benching the starting 11. That is all. Hit the showers."

The players slowly lurch back to life as Zacharius turns and shakes his head.

"Where the hell is the other team's media report?" he asks himself. "How unprofessional. Oh well. I shouldn't expect much from such lazy nations."

THE MONASTIC TIMES

VILE ATHEISTIC ANIMALS BURN BIBLES
Archregimancy Officials Issue Protest to Bazalonian Authorities

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Riots erupted in Bazalonia last night as the insane soulless gnomes of Az-cz reacted to their God-ordained loss to the footballing monks of the Archregimancy. The problem was not on the field of play, where the gnomes seemed surprised at the energy levels of the monastic squad, losing to two goals on either side of a Pizelkaxrovsky free kick that even MFA officials described as 'elegant', but rather with the reaction of the Az-cz supporters after the match.

While the Az-cz authorities are claiming that their fans were careful not to break any Bazalonian laws, the Holy Synod of the Archregimancy and the Archregimand have written a direct letter of protest to the WC35 co-hosts on the grounds that the extensive burning of bibles and religious symbols undertaken by the rioting Az-czzers after the match was both 'disrespectful and dangerous' and broke the tournament spirit of harmony and co-operation. Officials from the Monastic Football Association were said to be particularly disappointed given their attempts to be 'as understanding as possible' towards heretics, heathens, atheists and other assorted sinners in recent tournaments.

The Holy Synod also let it be known that they had written a letter to the Patriarch of the Autocephalous Iconodulistic Orthodox Church of Bazalonia, requesting that his All-Holiness join the Holy Synod and Patriarch of the Orthodox Church of the Holy Empire in pronouncing anathema on the entire nation of Az-cz. This reporter understands that the Patriarch of the AIOCB has not as yet replied to this letter.

Meanwhile, the MFA is understood to have sent a formal blessing to team coach Juan Tzimisces, in order to thank him for guiding the squad to the knock-out stages for the first time since WC32.

Jeruselem Government News

Dazza attackers part of God's Word Church

Authorities looking into the attempted assault of Dazza Dallas during THE FOOTBALL LIFE, have been found to be Jeruselem citizens. After a search of their belongings, business cards for God's Word Church were found. The assilants denied any membership of the church, but bibles were found and these were of Protestant origin. Apart from the assault, more charges of immigration fraud will be laid by the local officials and even more charges maybe sought by Jeruselem officials. Jeruselem police will be flying in The Lowland Clans to help the investigation into the attack.

Meanwhile Dazza Dallas was not phased by today's attack and vowed to fight on despite these thugs
"They can strip me naked, throw me in a locked room and sexually assault me but that's not going put me down. This is not going to stop Dazza being Dazza, I'd rather die. Call Dazza what you like, I'm going to make sure everyone knows where I stand in this world. I'm not scared of those thugs out there."

Dinkie Dosha said
"She just stood there and took them on. She could have run but she didn't. That's why she's our coach because she knows where she stands and where you stand. She does not give up until it's over, and many of us are not that way. We give up too easily, while she wants more effort instead of less when needed."

The head of God's word Church went missing today and the church refused to comment on the allegations. It is expected local police will talk to the church later this week. Jeruselem authorities have warned anyone from Jeruselem attempting this kind of stunt again on Dazza Dallas that they will not assisting in any legal or immigration matters, leaving them to the wolves of international justice. Jeruselem does not like it's citizens exporting terrorism.

As for the recent events with bible burning, we are not commenting as the matter is not really ours to comment on although the recents acts are not something we wish to happen again.

Pschychoes Need a Win

Squornshelous goes into the final match of the group stage needing a victory to advance. Unfortunately, what should be the toughest match of the three is left for last. Errinundera are ranked 15th in the World, having returned to the high level of play they enjoyed in the past. Squornshelous, at 5th in the world, must win to keep their hopes alive. We could concievably advance with a draw and a loss by Vilita to Assegai Developments, but AD haven't been on form for their last two matches and are mathematically eliminated. With Vilita playing for a spot in the second round, and Assegai Developments playing for pride, we probably can't count on any help there. We'll just have to go out and do what should be a do-able task: beat Errinundera.
Squornshelous have had a shaky time of it so far in this cup, struggling through qualifying and our first two matches with an overall 6-4-2 record. The team has been unable to play with any sort of consistency from match to match. Patrik Hermanni and Arman Latvala have not been the offensive producers they once were, and forwards Pertti Vilho and Nikko Barker were big disappoinments. New, young starters Roman Svoboda and Dmitri Polokov have been able to do some good things, and Emil Jalmari has been consistently good, but it hasn't always measured up to the competition, despite good play by our defense, and goaltender Jaska Wirmann.

An open letter from the Autocephalous Iconodulistic Orthodox Church of Bazalonia

Heresy and blasphemy to desecrate our holy books for losing a match to our orthodox brethern in The Archregimancy. I strongly condemn the actions of these heathen, godless, pagan fans of the... 'Robbers'.

For some time it has concerned me of the nations seemingly close relationship sport-wise between our nations. A nation that cannot seem to see the distinction between true orthodoxy and the other heretics, Catholics and schismatics that also maintain a strong following.

Today that riot while not breaking any laws about destruction of property, seeing as all the bibles where indeed purchased, there is still the matter whether or not this action causes problems with the nations religious respect laws.

I am extremely angry and dissapointed with the actions of these rioters who not only showed no respect for our beliefs but also prevented godly Bazalonian citizens from purchasing the holy word, however unlike the rioters I have not taken my anger to the streets but have instead constructed this polite and constructive letter.

Thank you.

Peter o'Stone, transcribing on behalf of the Patriach of the Autocephalous Iconodulistic ORthodox Church of Bazalonia.

---

Victorland State Police Commissior, Julian Remoro, was to lead a press conference in regards to the state laws in regards to the Az-czian riot.

"Thank you for all coming today, after the state office of public prosecution had looked over all evidence available including surveillance video. We have come to the conclusion that the relatively subdued riots have failed to contravene federal or state laws. Even the most controversial actions of burning bibles and other religious items have failed to break the laws based on the basis of not one particular religious group being targetted. The Bible as a holy book spreads across 3 basic faiths, Judaism, well, the old testament does, Christianity and many demoninations thereof, including Orthodoxy, and Islam, while not being as important to muslims as the Koran it still applies."

"As such, no charges will be laid in respect to the riots... Thank you."

Despite not being illegal, the riot in which bibles where burnt had left a bad taste in the mouth of many Bazalonians.

Elves Security Forces
Light the Torch

For a Cup that has had numerous upsets and odd results go on, it is good to see that at least one group is playing as it was predicted to. Both the Marauders and the Galaxy (of the Lowland Clans) have showed their superior might against the groups lesser seeds, and as such, have both clinched their spot in the knockout phase of the tournament heading into the heavyweight tilt on the last fixture in group play. In an odd twist, the squads have had identical scorelines, so that if the squads draw in the last match, the Marauders would take the top honors due to having the better rank or having had to play "away" matches where as the Clansmen are playing "home" matches due to their host status. Soler has indicated that he will be playing for the win in the upcoming match, as he wants to leave no doubt who the class of the group is, and to not let the form and momentum that the squad has built over the past results to falter at the expence of allowing some of the reserves get quality time on the pitch.

The Marauders almost didn't take the match against the hated Turtles, as the Sel Appans were up to the challange of dealing with the Marauders tatics with odd philosophies of their own. Playing an odd 3-3-4 formation makes it difficult for opposing backlines and midfiled to put in successful man to man marking, and have to play more of a zone style defence. Despite playing the squad quite tough and out of their abilities, it would be the Elves who would first find the back of the net. Stone had the ball deep in the Turtles half and was being given space by the defenders who were more interested in closing down players in the box. A square ball was played to a dashing Hawk, who one touched it to a freed Night. He circled past Apple and had a hard shot go careening off the corner of the post and out towards the penalty marker where Rikard sent a volley that on any other day would of gone miles wide, but somehow smacked the near post despite Kashchenko covering it, and straight into the back of the net, and for the advantage. The Elves got overconfident and began to venture further up, when they got stung by a counter that was masterminded by Estevez. As Florez seemed to have killed the play, Estevez played a wonderful backpass to Miquelinho, whose shot went far post and in off of St. Louis own fingers.

The match was even steven and it seemed destined for a ill fated draw when the devestating talent that is Laborious Hawk took over. For the last half hour, there was no stopping the attacking midfielder, as he was first to loose balls, rough his mark off the ball, and controlled the pace of the game once he had control. It was after he had performed a great sliding tackling to dispossess Nguyen that he found himself in an excellent scoring oppurtunity. After dazzazling Vasou with his tremendous footwork and smoothly getting around the stary eyed center back, he took an absolutely ridiculous shot from forty yards out. I don't know if the keeper just underestimated the power on the shot or it knuckled on him, but the shot went in without even soo much from a stab at it from Kashchenko. Granted it did bang in off of the post, but all shots should at least have an attempt until its course can be sure to be off target by the keeper. That lack of energy likely killed any chance the Turtles had of advancing.

With progression assured, a fan poll was conducted to see who were the favorite nations outside of the ESF when it came to football. Some of the nations were expected, and others had us thrown for a loop. It is clear from the results that the populace of the nation is in live with a diverse group of nations, and goes to prove that footy really does unite the world. Without further interuption, here are the top five nations along with a comment from one of their voters.

5) Oliverry - This odd French nation is a gem to watch. When I see the progression that Javier Jaques has made since moving to their league, and then I watch how they perform on the pitch, I really can tell that these fellows are good footballers. And they also were the home of the creator of our first international kits. (Jeaz Morso age 12,485 of Rinaldi)

4) Lowland Clans - Despite getting off to bad relations in CoH XXII, with us upsetting the Galaxy in the Quarterfinals, we've since grown to be good natured competitors. The Galaxy have had some history, but have also had to work for their recent success, and I guess that is what makes them attractive to me. That and they seem to be one of the true nice guys with some sence in a world gone nuts. (Xavca Rul age 347 of Ianisle)

3) Assegai Developments - Well I really have trouble voting for our rivals here, espicially since they tend to beat us even when we're the better of the squads, but they really deserve it. They constantly strive to be better competitors on and off the field, and they are the reason we decided to enter international football. Now with the rivalry dieing down and their decency increasing, they trully are one of the better shows around. (Marko Salaza age 47,890 of Char Sara)

2) Az-cz - Despie being a nation of robbers and the recent actions of their fans, the gnomes of Az-cz are one of the true good people of the footballing world. Their play is extraordinary and their media keeps up good coverage and is not quick to insult their competitors like many of the media outlets are, the Elven Times included. This civility and talent is enough for me to say that Az-cz is the best nation in the footballing community. (Michelle Lovehart age 1980 of Capri)

1) Bazalonia - How could you not like the hosts of this tournament? They are great fellows, have increable comics, and also play stellar football. Plus they have those cool ascents that are just awesome. Put it all together, and the Bazalopes are the best nation not only in football, but in the entire world. They are an example for all of us to follow. (Admiral Demot age 17,890 of Mar Sara)

Elves Security Forces 2
Nikali Rikard (17)
Laborious Hawk (81)

Sel Appa 1
Miquelinho (39)

MD1: Quakmybush v ESF 3-0
MD2: ESF v Sel Appa 2-1
MD3: The Lowland Clans v ESF

Article Luna Santapa

“Hello everyone this is the Voice of Truth, Mike McPhee live on WTRU, tellin’ it like it is as only I can. Today I have to address a recent attack that only proves my two biggest points that I’ve fought for many years now. Of course I’m talking about the horrible attack on Jerusalem celebrity Dazza Dallas by a bunch of religious hooligans from God’s Word Church.

“Once again the two great evils of the world combine to near tragedy. First you have religious nutbags doing their usual “hey you don’t think like we do so you must die” routine. Think about it everyone. How much trouble has come into the world because of religion? How many people have gone to war, attacked people, beat people or persecuted people because of this nonsense. In fact I don’t see why Tynelia even bothers to let these types into our great nation. They will only serve to cause trouble. Two third of us are happily atheistic, why not make it 100% I ask? People will be much happier without worrying over which magical pixie is better and that sort of thing.

“And of course, the incident would not have happened without the other great evil- soccer. Its not much better than religion, in fact its almost like it when you think about it. That’s right rabid fans brawling in the stands or streets like people of conflicting religions living in the same city. People beating up someone wearing their rival’s colors just like religions do. And then people becoming internationally famous because they kicked a ball around some either now or then and making themselves targets because they have a spotlight just like these televanglists you hear about. It just gives these nutbags targets of opportunity to try and spread their nonsense. If Dazza hadn’t become a household name in such a public way because of soccer, those nuts would have never attacked her to make whatever silly point they were trying to make.

“Get rid of soccer and the nutbags will have to find new targets to go after, maybe other religious nuts and they could do everyone a favor and kill each other off because one side wears their hair in an offensive way or something stupid like that. Soccer stars become almost iconic in their own rights, look at this Dazza cult around the world. She’s almost a religion herself now. That’s the danger of all this. Normal people become figureheads and people listen to them. Then there becomes an almost religious hero worship of these people which gets the regular religious nuts upset because no one’s paying any attention to their craziness and they have to try and kill innocent people so people actually notice them. Take away the targets and these nutbags will just go away through indifference. Soccer's the biggest sport in the world so it needs to be the first sport dealt with for our own good.

“ You may not want to hear this but doing this will make the world a safer place. And that’s the truth and that’s why I’m here. Be sure to visit my website at Voiceoftruth.com if you want to know more because my time’s up for today’s program. As always I’m Mike McPhee your voice of truth and I’m telling it like it is!”

Dazza Dallas was watching TV when she saw Mike McPhee blabbing on like an televanglist. She was about to turn to a naughty channel, when she heard her name so she listened on.

Dazza: Hey Sticky (her bodyguard)! I want to ask ya a question?
Sticky: Yes Dazza?
Dazza: Am I a person or something more to you?
Sticky: Well, I think you're a Goddess personally.

Dazza: Me? I'm just a nymphomaniac who plays football. I'm not divine or anything like that.
Sticky: I think you're divine and so do all the members of your fan club. One of the biggest in the football world.
Dazza: Really? I just want to be me, not Venus the Goddess of Love or something.
Sticky: I think you're divine the way you are
Dazza: Thanks! I guess I love flattery.

(knock on the door)

Sticky: Could be thugs again! I'll check them out.

(Sticky opens the door and there's two people dressed like weird pagans)

Pagans: We're here to meet the Goddess! We bear gifts for our Goddess!

(Sticky checks pagans, no weapons)

Pagans: (bowing and prostating themselves) Oh Goddess, please accept our gifts. Oh mighty Goddess.
Dazza: (looking at gifts) Gee, these are expensive. There's no need for such expensive gifts.
Pagans: You are the Goddess, you are worthy of our gifts. Nothing is too good for you. You are human incarnate of Aphrodite. You are Goddess of Love!
Dazza: Oh shucks, no need for such praise.

Pagans: We will protect you from the evil! We will die for you.
Dazza: You do worship me. Well, how about protecting the Goddess tonight and giving my bodyguard a rest.
Pagans: Oh mighty Goddess, we will!
Sticky: Oh boy, I thought I was a fan!

Pagans: No harm will come to you, oh Goddess!
Dazza: Please don't burn rubber chickens, it sets off the fire alarms.
Pagans: You wish is our command!
Dazza: I guess I am the Goddess after all.

The Pagans help Dazza undress, put on some bandages for her recent injuries and get into bed. Dazza goes off to sleep (naked) peacefully with the two Pagans religiously protecting her and admiring her "divine" body.

News items from the First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls) Age:

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/Agemasthead.gif

JOURNALISTS END WORKBANS
MEDIA CAVES IN – HUGE PAY RISES GRANTED
WORLD CUP TO BE REPORTED
After weeks of silence, Errinundera media can once again publish results from the World Cup. The Errinundrian Journalists Association has lifted all bans after the Errinundrian News Media Association caved into their demands, including a 20% pay rise over the next 2 years.

Convenor of the EJA, immolatu, was ecstatic at a joint news conference today. “This is a huge victory for all workers in Errinundera. I’m sure that our wage increase will flow-on to other sectors of the economy. The media moguls tried to bury us and we smashed them.”

Speaking privately with reporters after the news conference a sombre estroyedu, head of the Errinundrian News Media Association, expressed dismay at the outcome. “I don’t understand what the EJA were on about. Just about all media companies in Errinundera are workers’ co-operatives. We’ve just given ourselves an enormous poke in the eye.”

Independent news commentators, where they can be found, have an even more jaundiced view of the situation. Professor of media studies at the First Creek Falls Lyceum, omprimisu, said that it was the actions of fans that brought about the deal between the parties. “Irate potoroo supporters simply got fed up. They couldn’t even get access to outside broadcasts such as PINA’s. In the end they took matters into their hands and burned down EJA and ENMA offices all around the country. In the end I think it was a 24-20 victory to the union – in torched buildings that is.”

Newly elected convenor of the Errinundera Football Association, imonedebouvoi, expressed her relief at the outcome. “I don’t care what the journalists get paid; I don’t care whether any businesses, co-operatives or otherwise, go bust; I don’t care how many buildings are vandalised. I just want fans to know that the women of our team are kicking arse.”

Perhaps the rueful comments of snapisnapiestu, ambassador to Ariddia, best sums up the chaotic situation. “Until this fracas happened, surveys of press freedoms showed that Errinundera had the safest and most free press in the entire NationStates. I guess that’s a thing of the past now.”

THE REALLY IMPORTANT NEWS
ERRINUNDERA QUALIFIES FOR ITS 10TH WORLD CUP

Yes, we can tell you that the Potoroos have qualified for the World Cup. There hasn’t been any celebrations as no-one, except families and friends of the players, has heard the good news. What’s more, the national team remains undefeated after 2 games into the first round. Mind you, progression to the 2nd round isn’t guaranteed – if the Potoroos lose to Squornshelous and Vilita defeat Assegai Developments then that’s it. Kaput!

In the latest match, young Rodger River superstar, scerberu, scored both goals as her team accounted for the hapless Assegai Developments 2-nil. If effort counts for something then the young A D should have made it further than the first round. Alas for them it was not to be. They were simply outclassed by a more experienced team that never climbed above the lower branches. Only scerberu showed any spark in what was otherwise a disinterested, albeit effective effort from the potoroos. They must surely lift their game if they are to make it to the second round, let alone break their second round hoodoo.

"Oh man oh man oh man"

"I know that loss to Bazalonia was awful"

"2-1 with 2 goals in the last 10 minutes"

"That is so typical Milchama"

"Yeh really"

"Well you ready to pray to Margaret now"

"We can't"

"WHAT?!"

"Prayer to Margaret has been banned by the Chief Rabbi in Milchama Shlomo Daclais"

"Why?"

"It breaks the first commandment"

"Oh that's BS plus I'm not even Jewish THIS IS AGAINST MY RIGHTS!"

"Come on we're doing it anyway just us two"

"I'm not I'm a good Jew and I don't want to get arrested"

"Fine."

*Runs out into the street*

"Anybody want to pray to a god?"

*3 people come*

"Come all of you we're praying to Margaret right now"

"Sir, I suggest you turn on the tele they already did"

"SWEET!"

"I'm saved thank you everybody"

"This fight is not over yet Rabbi and I"m going to win"

Jacob plodded off the field, tired but proud. His team dispersed around him: Yul was following Phillip, the man of the hour, and Lawrence was in his regular mood for a celebration.

Rube walked slowly towards his computer and drew up a news feed. Geisenfried had beaten Acapais to qualify. "So this means that Ariddia or us will go through...but not both," he muttered.

"I'm sure BOB could tell you the exact probability," Jacob called over, approaching.

"I'm...not so sure." The screen refreshed. "What's that?"

"Errinundera, I think," Andrew called from a glance.

"No, it's...Az-cz versus the monks," Jacob read, shaking his head.

They skimmed the first two paragraphs of the article. "Anathema on a country..." Rube seemed much more tired than the grueling draw had made him. "Almost as bad as anathema on a religion."

Jacob stood awkwardly by.

"Oh. Sorry." Rube smiled awkwardly. "You know I'm Christian?"

Jacob laughed. "Hadn't known that."

"Lutheran. Just not very forthcoming about it."

Jacob nodded at the screen. "Understandable."

"Actually, I think a lot more people than we know are religious: just afraid to say it in light of stuff like this."

"There's in light of stuff," Jacob pointed, "and then there's too much light. As in, flames pretty much everywhere."

Rube nodded. "You have a minute?"

"Yeah, sure. What?"

In the mountains around Georgetown Nova, Zwangzug tourists began to coalesce once again.

Somewhere deep in SBIS HQ, Alasdairopolis...

"...so we beat Turori, then?"

"Yup, the Eels turned out not to be too slippery - but I tell you, that Fmjphoenix result really hurt"

"Well what do HEFA expect? Put a mad scientist in charge of the team and an egg in goal... is it any wonder we've struggled so much this campaign?"

"Suppose not."

"And look at the table.... the only way we can go through now is by beating Schiavonia. A draw against Schiavonia and we stay in 3rd no matter what happens in the Eels-Vikings match. We have to win,"

"It's awfully suspicious, don't you think?"

"So we should treat this suspiciously?"

"As the Schiavones do... with utmost suspicion?"

"Say, how about we try and set a record for most consecutive uses of the word 'suspicious' in a single internal memo?"

"More than even Schiavonia would do?"

"I'd say so! Let's give it a try....."

"suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious suspicious"

At the Masteron Football and Philosophy Academy in Skyhaven, a single student ponders the Ariddia culture questions

What makes Demot unique? - Well I think that the fact that our ancestors were Druids makes the Demot people quite pecular. The fact that the capital is also a city in the sky is pretty odd. All in all, we're a unique people and place, and that is exactly how we would like to stay.

What makes our national team unique? - Well I think that the fact we don't have a white "away" uniform is decently out of the norm. Also the fact that we surprassed the masters who taught us football for awhile, before slipping back into just a top side. Not anything too spectacular, but that's us afterall, slightly odd but quiet.

~ Miranda Solas

"Great game, guys, those Milchamians nearly had us but in the last 10 minutes two quick goals. It's almost like that Australia-Japan match."

"Australia?! Japan, What are you going on about, oh um... nevermind."

The radio was blaring in the background, and a news update was heard reporting on the gnomish response to their loss against the monks of the Archregimancy...

"oohh... Uh, before we debrief... " started Peter "Would anyone like to join me in praying?"

A few people raised their hands and they trundled off to a small room in the stadium complex where Peter Hobble lead them in a pray for the gnomes of Az and those around.

"Lord on high, we your unworthy subjects come here in humility and respect. Acknowledging your great and wonderous power and your great wisdom. You control all and we acknowledge your care for us. We pray for the visitors to our nation, particularily those in Pinkford, the Gnomes from our neighbouring nation of Az-cz. We know they are a godless nation, a nation that puts theivery on a pedastal, but we know them Lord to generally be a good hearted people. We ask for you to shine the light of Truth upon them, it greives us what they have done but it is not us they have rejected it is you. And I ask for your mercy to come upon them. Thank you for hearing us praised be your name. Amen"

And with that he returned back to the main group,

"So, Belmowitz, he scored the first goal in the 25th minute... why?"

"Because his Belmowitz?"

"Yes and no... Yes, bcause he is.. and no because, we could have stopped it... I'll play it back... And I'll show you where we could have stopped it..."

He pressed play on a remote control, it was already cued up about 2 seconds before Belomwitz got the ball and there was he stopped it.

"We could have stopped him getting the ball, or we could have come down and clamped down hard on him... preventing him from getting that goal in the first place.

Now let's look at few things other things on the field...

"Arriana, you gotta be careful, you cannot challenge every man that challenges your feminity, you nearly got red-carded... That can't go on... If necessary I'll help organise some counselling. Got that?"

"Yes, Chief."

"Good, and Zieta, you're doing a great job there, keep it up."

"Now, Ricky, Tom and Ev... Why didn't you start the counter-assault quicker? Why did you leave it to the last second."

"We took a play right out of the gnomes play book and wore the Milchamians down before sticking it to them."

"Alright, okay, next time, communication. I need to know so I can help. co-ordinate and facilitate. This team doesn't run on 1, 2 or even 3 players, the whole team must work together to achieve it;s goals... If you get too big of a head and start playing for you rather than the team, we'll be out lickety split."

"Okay, that's it good play guys... That's all I have to say..."

------

Meanwhile the BFSA has also been extremely busy. Not only with hosting, organising the Bazalonian team but with also a lawsuit of their own. Agaisnt the makers of the kit Bazakits.

The BFSA is suing for Loss of Income, producing various reports and statements including sales revenue which about only 100 have been sold, mostly to Jeruselem, defamation because the kits have made the BFSA lose face, as well as physiological trauma from actually seeing the kits on the field.

Lawyers which emigrated from the ex-republic of Legalese after it's collapse had taken on the case providing expert witnesses which will support all three claims, phsychologists, accountants as well as other important members of the public including leaders of the various national FA's. The presenteda compelling case in which they also managed to successfully challenge the previous ruling putting forward that they had no option, that it was unhealthy for not only the Bazalonian national soccer team to wear this but also for the oppsoing team, spectators especially people who where watching on television who with expert testimony showed that it might trigger epilepsy.

However the case was too late, the Michamanians had to suffer playing against the Bazalonians in the kits. Perhaps that indeed was the reason for the 2-1 win... either case Bazalonia has a great chance of pregessing as it plays Yafor 2 on the last matchday.

Demot Daily ~ Prove Your Points!

Well the Dynamo did what they had to, and now they have the oppurtunity to move on, however if they do, it will mean that their good friends in Az-cz will not be heading on. The gnomes were the victims of the Monks, who have found their form and have toppled both Demot and Az-cz to clinch their spot in the knockouts heading into their match up against the lesser Wombats. Meanwhile, while the Monks have their plates made, the Dynamo will try to shake the hold that the gnomes have had on them. Every encounter in World Cup affilated play between the two squads have ended up in the Robbers favor save one. The Dynamo will have a small edge as they will be coming off the two to nil hard earned victory over the stubborn defence of the Wombats, and will be able to run that momentum hopefully into better play than they have previosly had against the humanoids.

Gregory Corin has finally seemed to blossom into a top notch striker, as he collected both goals in the Wombat match. Corin was supposed be a star striker like Samantha Black and Sarah Ysman, but he failed to impress last tournament. Yet this tornament he has seemed to found his touch and inspiration to be one of the better finishers the squad has. Perhaps with Masteron at the reigns is what he needed, or just the two more years to mature, but he has now established himself. If his form continues, he should be the key to getting past the Az-czzers, and allow the squad to get into the knockouts for the third straight tournament, quite a feat for a squad once considered by many to have just fluked their way into the Proper and then into 3rd place.

When all things are considered, the Robbers and Dynamo are too close in talent to easily predict a winner, as neither is on their top form. These are the games that come down to heart and whoever wants it more. With the way the gnomes reacted after their defeat to the Monks, with the burning of religious objects and text, it would not be unfair to say that they do not deserve the right to continue on. Then again, you could say that they deserve it all the more with a fan base that feels that strongly about their teams outcomes that they would stoop to such actions. Whatever result is forthcoming, a good team will be left out and another will have a sigh of relief before moving on. It shall be a good match none the less and the winner will have clearly earned their progression and have the oppurtunity to make thier nations dreams come true.

Demot 2
Gregory Corin (46, 62)

Green Wombat 0

Article by Jereome Berse

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune-wc36/
AEROPAG, JI · 0.10 g Au · 153–07–12
Send James Gaines a bribe and get a free UCS/Cafundéu WC36 mug!

World Cup: “Slani Aquillans” upset with Galaxy fans
ΧΡΥΣΑΕΣΤΟΣ, ΑΚΗΛΑ (KHRUSÁESTOS, AKḖLA)—The Ακηλαϊκά residents of Sirius D were outraged by a recent issue of the Graham City Sun, a major newspaper from the Lowland Clans that is retransmitted by the Tribune on the distant planet. As reported by the Sun, many Galaxy fans at a recent World Cup match between the Lowland Clans and Sel Appa chanted and held up signs equating the Ακηλαίοι to Sel Appans, a comparison that greatly offended some and resulted in a protest in Χρυσάεστος (Khrusáestos). “We’re nothing like the slani Sel Appans!” shouted Λαυρέντης Ζυγούλη (Lauréntēs Zugoúlē), who was among the protesters. “We had the technology to travel between the stars while the Sel Appans were still figuring out how to put together a coherent sentence! We wrote great works of literature while they struggled to learn the fundamentals of logic!”

Some of the protesters took much less issue with the fans as with the Sun’s account of the game. “I understand what the fans did—I’m sure that if I ever got to go to a Capitalizts game, I’d say some weird things like that about their opponents,” said Ιωάννης Παπακυριακόπουλος (Iōánnēs Papakuriakópoulos), a professor at a “university” of the traditional American style. “But to go so far as to put ‘The Lowland Clans 3–0 Slani Aquillans’ at the foot of the article is simply unacceptable for any respectable publication. That goes beyond mere reporting and into the realm of childishness.”

One of the Tribune’s fact-checkers was confused by Παπακυριακόπουλος’s comment. “I don’t see anything here that says ‘The Lowland Clans 3–0 Slani Aquillans’ or anything remotely like that. In fact, the article doesn’t seem to mention the Galaxy’s opponent at all. It’s strange, but it appears that the statements that the protesters are making are entirely unsubstantiated.”

The Sun could not be reached for comment, citing an impending publication deadline.

..:: BazaClans World Cup 35 Group Stage Matchday 3 SCORES! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12790991&postcount=16) ::..

..:: BazaClans World Cup 35 Second Round Schedule ::..

..::The Lowland Clans Region::..
Elves Security Forces - Turori
Bettia - Rejistania

The Lowland Clans - Schiavonia
Capitalist SLANI - Jeruselem

..::Bazalonian Region::..
Bazalonia - Az-cz
Errinundera - Ariddia

The Archregimancy - Milchama
Geisenfried - Vilita

Dinkie Dosha (dressed normally) and Dazza Dallas dressed like Greek Goddess with two Pagan characters behind them.

Dinkie: I'm Dinkie Dosha and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE.
Dazza: I'm the Roman Goddess Venus. The Goddess of Love!
Dinkie: AKA Dazza Dallas.
Dazza: Don't worry about the two weirdos behind me, they under my control.

Dinkie:
It's a big day today in The Lowland Clans for world Cup, the final group stage games to determine who makes the 2nd round. In Group 3, Jeruselem played buddies Bettia while Tynelia took on the unlucky Qazox. Yes, the situation was Bettia had made it and Qazox were out. If Jeruselem won or drew, they make it - while Tynelia needed a Jeruselem loss and they needed to beat Qazox.

Dazza:
It's no time for fooling around now, it's the do or die games. It's knock-out time! The 2nd round - is no place for wimps. They get sorted out right now. So it was either us or Tynelia who had to go.

Dinkie:
Well, first we played Bettia and err, lost. OK, not badly but we still lost - like last World Cup. Losing the last game again. Bettia were the better team winning TWO NIL and well, this didn't help Jeruselem at all. I played crap! I apologise to everyone!

Dazza: Nice goal there Dinkie, pity it was for Bettia. I think you'd better stay away from the defense.
Dinkie: Err, yes. I have no idea why I was in defense that time. I think should have left the ball alone.
Dazza: Yes, we lost to Bettia but that was kinda expected anyway.
Dinkie: Leaving the other game!

Dazza:
Wouldn't you know it, Qazox finally won a game! To late for matter for them but for us - it's like the Ox gods are smiling. Tynelia lost to Qazox 1-0 and well, we didn't need to win or draw after all. Well, Dazza's a lucky girl or whore or whatever. See I said, Qazox could spoil the Tynelian party and they did!

Dinkie: Well, it Tynelia had won - I would have been shattered. All my fault! I'll stay in attack, I'm a hopeless defender.
Dazza: Yes, leave the defending my niece please. I don't she was all that impressed with that own-goal at all. Good thing you're my friend or she would have belted you.
Dinkie: I do promise to stay in attack now! Defending isn't my thing.
Dazza: Good, just score goals on the other side as you normally do.

Dinkie: Today's YAP YAP topic is religion.
Dazza: With the recent events with Az-cz fans burning bibles, Tynelia's Mike McPhee commenting on the attack on me and more ... well, it's time to talk God or Gods!
Dinkie: That's why Dazza is dressed like a Roman.
Dazza: I'd be naked if I was really dressed like Venus.

Dinkie:
People compare football as a religion and it's many Gods - well like our coach Dazza Dallas here. Yes, we have hero workship - and Dazza Dallas is one the prime examples of that. Of course, in other nations - other football players have similar kinds of hero worship too.

Dazza:
The football stadium is a bit like huge Cathedral and football fans to behave like religous zealous sometimes. They have pictures of their heroes, wave their team colours and sometimes engage rival fans in mortal combat - especially when the team loses. And then we have football Gods - like me. It seems football is like religion but is it? I'm Catholic and Dinkie here is a Jew, so we all have our personal Gods too.

Dinkie:
Superficially it looks like that, but football isn't a true religion as such. Football fans are fickle as if their club team isn't doing well, they have tendency to find a better team to support. If it's the national team then they target their anger at someone in management or the team. Football loyalty is fickle and dependant on results while with true religion - followers keep on believing anyway. Football heroes come and go unless you are true legend of Holy proportions like ... this person.

Dazza: (smiling) Me?
Dinkie: She's an oddity though.
Dazza: That's it from THE FOOTBALL LIFE
Dinkie: If football is your religion, we're here to help.

Dazza: And as Venus said once, I'M CLUCKY AGAIN. Next up, it is MythBusters. See ya!
Dinkie: Isn't it the exploding football one Dazza?
Dazza: I don't know, let's watch and find out.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/geisenfried.png Geisenfried 1-1 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

“Curse” continues; Ariddians scrape through

Following an implausible seventh draw in thirteen matches, the Rouge-et-Noirs have made it through with just five points. A goal by Sylvain Bernard proved just enough in an uninspiring one-all encounter with Geisenfried.

While some fans expressed increasing worry at their team’s apparent lack of form, however, others are insisting on the more positive sides.

“Of the 72 countries who have taken part in this competition,” one supporter pointed out, “Ariddia is the only one who hasn’t lost a match yet. Surely our undefeated record is something for our opponents to worry about?”

And the Rouge-et-Noirs’ next opponent, coincidentally, will be Errinundera. The Ariddians have often struggled against the potoroos, but any encounter between the two teams is always greeted with enthusiasm by supporters on both sides. A sizeable number of Errinundrian-Ariddians and Ariddian-Errinundrians will, no doubt, particularly be looking forward to the game. Not least among them is Ariddian goalkeeper Cassie Lee, who has an Errinundrian boyfriend.

“It’s always great to play against the potoroos,” she said enthusiastically. “But I won’t be happy trying to eliminate them!”

Meanwhile, in Ariddia, 82 year-old Indigenous Ariddian (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Wymgani) elder Lia Usew has said she intends to visit Dazza Dallas as soon as the Jeruselem coach moves into her Ariddian holiday home.

“I represent the Ishwil people, whose land this is,” Comrade Usew explained. Virtually all land in the Ariddian Isles belongs to Indigenous communities. “It’s customary to welcome new members of the community who settle on Ishwil land. I’ll tell her about this land’s history. I’ll tell her also where the community discussion centre is. And if Ms. Dallas needs help settling in, we’re there to help. She’ll be part of the community.”

Ho-Pnk: I'm here today and the mood is much more celebatory today as the team barely survived a matchup with their good friends from Demot, eaking out a 1-1 draw to advance to the second round where they will face more old friends Bazalonia, not Errinundera as Az-czzers had expected. Let's take a look at the match highlights and then we'll get to the celebration and some other things.

<Cuts to the start of the match>

Demot came out on fire looking to crush us. And they were clearly the better team early on.

<Shows a Demot player having his shot just stopped by Gn-Lg>

Demot nearly went ahead in the 22nd minute on a shot from Mario Darcello Ben.

<Cuts to a goal from Ben>

However it didn't take long for Super Mario to put Demot ahead as five minutes later he blasted the goal in on a ball from team captain Christi Sans.

Demot continued to control the pace but Shockey, Nerazzurri, and Gn-Lg made enough plays to keep the Gnomes in it. But it seemed like they'd come up short as Demot was seemingly the better team on the day. Late in the match the Demot legs started to give but they just needed to hold out a bit longer. Fortunately for Az-cz Pizelkaxrovsky once again came through with an incredible play to save the day.

<Shows the replay of the goal>

In the 86th minute he broke free from his man mark and then made a play that just seems purely impossible but somehow happened. Kn-Dg was running free on the right wing. Pizelkaxrovsky kicked the ball to himself in the air and looked like he'd try to bicycle kick it into the goal but instead HEADED a pass to Kn-Dg. How he got the force on the ball to get it to Kn-Dg I have no idea and I'm sure no one else did either. The only person who didn't seem suprised was Kn-Dg who then simply dribbled a bit and launched a shot on a basically empty net and tied the match. Demot was visibly deflated and tried to rally but couldn't find the goal they needed. This reinforced the motto that having the best player on the pitch is a big advantage. Demot were the better team for nearly the entire match. But one great individual play from Pizelkaxrovsky allowed the Gnomes to steal the ever important point. Demot fans must be disappointed to lose but they should hold their heads high with their performance today. Still it's a nice feeling for the Gnomes to remain head of the class of World Cup 30.

<Cuts back to Ho-Pnk>

So now we move ahead. We expected to be facing Errinundera based on today's results. But because of more weirdness from the hosts instead we have to face the Bazalopes and two of our former coaches. Considering the proximity and the friendly nature of the two nations and our strong rivalry, that will be one hell of an incredible match. Much like the Demot match we don't want either team to lose, but also much like the Demot match since once team has to we'll prefer it to be not us.

Now I'm joined by Cr-Gt, the winner of the Verona Prospero.

Ho-Pnk: How did you feel when your seat number was announced?

Cr-Gt: Shocked. But I didn't really know what to do. It's not like I'd drive an audacious thing like that. Thankfully the people at Verona Inc were able to work out a solution that works well for everyone.

Ho-Pnk: And what is that?

Cr-Gt: The car is being put up for auction.

Ho-Pnk: How's that good for everyone?

Cr-Gt: Well it's not a regular auction. When I told them I didn't want the car they scrambled to come up with some good to do about it. They were able to get in contact with people at the Football Associations for both Bazalonia and Az-cz and got an agreement to have both national teams autograph items in the car. Then the car will be put up for charity auction, along with a number of Verona Inc. extras. As for me, the -FA has promised me a bench seat at one of the Az-cz friendlies next qualifiers. So as you can see I got something good out of it, charity benefits and Verona Inc confirms their status as a conscientious company.

Ho-Pnk: Very interesting. Well congratulations and enjoy your trip to the friendly.

Cr-Gt: Thank you very much.

<Cuts to footage of the tent villages>

Not too much has happened to celebrate. Of course there were parties and things but the word I've recieved is that the Az-czid fans here are really gearing up for a mega blowout before the Bazalonia match. So expect something great.

Now let's take a look at the rest of the scores from match day 3

<Cuts to the Errinundera goal against Squornshelous>

Clearly the biggest news of the day was Squornshelous's loss to Errinundera sending the Pschychoes home early. A shutout left them with just three goals from three games and licking their wounds. That loss also guarantees they'll be out of the top 10 next cup. Schiavonia won a wild one against Alasdair I Frosticus to send the Dream Realmers packing and Jeruselem and Rejistania barely survived losses to advance. Bettia's win should establish them as the favorites going into the next round.