NationStates Jolt Archive

Welcome to World Cup 35 - Bazaclans (Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=527715))

Group 1
Qazox (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12683418&postcount=8)
Kiryu-shi (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12705370&postcount=41)
Wentland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12701041&postcount=36)
Delesa (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12751507&postcount=54)
Tolvarus
Errinundera (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12682811&postcount=2)

Group 2
Cafundeu (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12695193&postcount=28)
Patusan
Az-cz (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12685266&postcount=11)
Fmjpheonix
Western Afghanistan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12694954&postcount=27)
Swilatia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12706884&postcount=42)

Group 3
Kampfers
Vilita
Milchama (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12691801&postcount=18)
The Non-RPing n00b
Atheistic Right (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12682883&postcount=4)
Spruitland

Group 4
Jaredcohenia
Ariddia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12709091&postcount=47)
Tynelia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12685094&postcount=10)
Kristovenia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12695712&postcount=29)
Green Wombat (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12687860&postcount=15)
Commerce Heights JSY (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12693944&postcount=25)

Group 5
Oliverry (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12704431&postcount=38)
Rossglass
Ropa-Topia
Jeruselem (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12682952&postcount=6)
Abu Omar
Lovisa

Group 6
Capitalizt Slani (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12693940&postcount=24)
Jariss (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12693420&postcount=22)
Turruth Gordur (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12716180&postcount=50)
Fort Europe
Jeru FC (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12704994&postcount=40)
Geisenfried

Group 7
Kuosio (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12709947&postcount=48)
Bushes Been Quaked (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12748663&postcount=53)
Yafor 2
Northern Bettia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12709071&postcount=46)
Schiavonia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12693395&postcount=21)
Suze-la-Rousse (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12707189&postcount=43)

Group 8
Unknown Suburbia
Turori
Squornshelous (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12696434&postcount=30)
The Islands of Qutar (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12728347&postcount=51)
Acapais (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12690192&postcount=17)
Cravan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12700855&postcount=34)

Group 9
Sativaville (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12687910&postcount=16)
Quakmybush (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12691925&postcount=19)
United Island Empires
Daughrty
Bostopia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12684635&postcount=9)
Bettia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12693053&postcount=20)

Group 10
Cataduanes
Willink
The HURD (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12700864&postcount=35)
Sel Appa (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12700355&postcount=32)
Demot (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12700253&postcount=31)
Cookesland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12694010&postcount=26)

Group 11
Veitau (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12700363&postcount=33)
The Archregimancy (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12708835&postcount=45)
Clesmire
Assegai Developments (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12716163&postcount=49)
Alasdair I Frosticus (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12708274&postcount=44)
Estresse Intenso (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12703749&postcount=37)

Group 12
St Samuel (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12682945&postcount=5)
Zwangzug (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12686235&postcount=12)
Ulzaxid (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12729540&postcount=52)
Rejistania (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12704795&postcount=39)
Keyne Island (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12687165&postcount=14)
Elves Security Forces (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12683255&postcount=7)


Fixtures:
MD 1: 6 vs. 1, 2 vs. 5, 4 vs. 3
MD 2: 1 vs. 3, 6 vs. 2, 5 vs. 4
MD 3: 5 vs. 1, 2 vs. 4, 6 vs. 3
MD 4: 1 vs. 2, 3 vs. 5, 6 vs. 4
MD 5: 4 vs. 1, 2 vs. 3, 6 vs. 5
Break for Friendlies
MD 6: 1 vs. 6, 5 vs. 2, 3 vs. 4
MD 7: 3 vs. 1, 2 vs. 6, 4 vs. 5
MD 8: 1 vs. 5, 4 vs. 2, 3 vs. 6
MD 9: 2 vs. 1, 5 vs. 3, 4 vs. 6
MD 10: 1 vs. 4, 3 vs. 2, 5 vs. 6


Full Schedule for all groups can be found here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12703844&postcount=33)

Jeruselem Government News

Centenary of Jeruselem World Cup participation collectors items to be released

The Jeruselem FA will soon release collectors items to celebrate 100 years of Jeruselem's participation in the World Cup including special banknotes. Jeruselem's first world cup was World Cup 11 and now we are going to be playing in World Cup 35, our 25th world cup. There were no details about what collectors items were going to be available but the Jeruselem Mint did talk about the special new banknote.

Jeruselem Mint controller Finke Abestein said
"We will be releasing a once-off 100 shekel banknote. On one side, there will be a picture of NS World Cup and one the other side an image of all the World Cup coaches standing in a crowd. We are only releasing about 100,000 of these banknotes as a collectors item, they are not general circulation. The artist doing the image of coaches had trouble finding an image of Dazza Dallas with clothes on, so she's standing naked holding a football in the air in the front of the crowd with her sister Debbie Dallas and John Jerk for company. Well, since we is current coach she had to put in the front of the crowd even though she was naked. Other coaches are clothed, so they don't have to worry but I think Dazza being only naked one in the image is the right decision. Every living World Cup coach will get a banknote and families with deceased coaches will get one too. Yes, this does mean we have to give three to the Dallas family who have John Jerk, Debbie Dallas and of course Dazza Dallas. Incidentally the last three coaches have come from the Dallas family."

Jeruselem FA Operations Manager who will also receive one of the banknotes said
"Well, this is a great occasion for us. We've come a long away since the days of World Cup 11 where we lost 11 games and drew one. In those days, the Jeruselem FA didn't have much going for it but we stuck to the task and it's paid off. As for having a naked woman on the banknote, I assumed it would be Dazza Dallas. Strangely, outside my office there's a fountain with a naked Dazza Dallas holding a football in the air so I guess that's where he got that one from. For a single man like me, it makes me feel good when I'm feeling down and when things aren't going well."

There have been reported threats to Dazza's life so she will be having a permanent bodyguard for the duration of the World Cup and maybe even longer. Security around her home and her children's schools have been improved too.

Last week a mob of masked men attacked Dazza Deux while she was in town, probably thinking she was Dazza Dallas. The mob of men got badly mauled as Deux bashed her way out of trouble, smashing the bones of her assilants. Most of these men will not walk again and one died from brain injuries. They were later identified to be members from a small church which have been demanding football be banned. Dazza Deux was not charged with any offenses due to the self-defense argument.

Deus said to the press
"I was just looking for something to eat when this mob waving large sticks ran at me. The next thing you know, I was punching it out with them and they were falling over like little girls with a lost teddy bear. I didn't mean to hurt them but I had no choice to stand and fight. I did punch one guy in the head and there was this cracking noise. Anyway, I hope people learn a lesson here."

YEAR 3421 Day 289
PLACE FORMER COUNTRY OF QAZOX, Q CONTINUUM
TIME 1645 STANDARD

La-Yo tensed with anticipation as his starcraft began to dive down through the atmosphere of the long lost planet of Gaia. As the craft continued its dive, he rechecked his quadsensor array and his emergency beam-out beacon. As the craft landed near the now decrepit city of Fromburg, he took a glance with the transparent titanium window and was surprised to see very little vegetation had grown around the city.

"Computer, re-analyze the surrounding 500 square units and compare to previous scan taken 3421 day 288 and 3421 day 203." he said as he began to put on his bio-deflection suit.

ANALYSIS COMPLETE. the computer chirped second later, as La-Yo was struggling to put on the boots.

"Well, the results?" He answered, tugging on the last boot and running a systems check on the bio-deflectors.

COMPARED TO SCAN 3421 288, VEGETATION IS 25% LESS THAN CURRENT SCAN. COMPARED TO SCAN 3421 203, VEGETATION IS 97% LESS THAN CURRENT SCAN. It replied.

"Computer, what possible reason is there for such a loss of vegetation over the last 85 days?" He asked securing his quadsensor array to his belt and activating the beacon.

After a moment of silent computation, the computer chirped, UNKNOWN. 57% LIKELYHOOD OF VOLCANIC ACTIVITY. 38% LIKELYHOOD OFFIRE DUE TO LIGHTING. 1% LIKELYHOOD OF NATIVE FAUNA. 4% LIKELYHOOD OF UNKNOWN CAUSES.

"Computer, Scan local area for fauna and likelyhood of danger to myself from such fauna" La-Yo asked as he began to load his pack with food pellets, a tent and water canisters.

LARGEST FAUNA WITH SCANNING RANGE IS OXEN-TYPE CREATURE 1.5 METERS TALL 300 KILOS. LIKELYHOOD OF ATTACK: 12.5% PERCENT. FAUNA IS HERBIVORE, BUT MAY ATTACK IF THREATENED. OTHER FAUNA: A WOMBAT-TYPE CREATUR 0.60 METERS IN HEIGHT, 50 KILOS. LIKELYHOOD OF ATTACK: 25%. FAUNA IS OMNIVORE, BUT TRAVELS IN PACKS OF 5 OR 6. FAUNA OF UNKNOWN TYPE 1.25 METERS IN HEIGHT, 125 KILOS. FAUNA IS SCAVENGER, LIKELY HOOD OF ATTACK: 0%

"Computer, lock onto my emergency beam-out beacon, and maintain constant lock. Beam out on my signal or if life signs drop below 60% of normal. Activate camo armor. If any other vessels land on this planet, signal me, without voice." La-Yo instructed the computer, as he opened the hatch and took the first step on Gaia in over 1000 years.

AOS looking to build a new national soccer complex for the Oliverrian national team

*As the press conference was about to start, on Place des Congrès, in Marshalliston, the room where it was being held was full, be it with reporters or even with people from all around Oliverry that wanted to hear the news live. It's with that ambiance that the newly elected president of the AOS, Ryan Robinson, advanced to the stage to announce the news.

"L'Association Oliverrienne de Soccer, the regulating body for the sport of soccer in Oliverry, has realised that the current Pepsioli Stadium, now 41 years-old, is old. In fact, too old to host the national team anymore. L'association, after a meeting with, firstly, the House committee for the funding of sports and leasures, and secondly, with the minister for national sports and leasures, decided that a new ultra-modern stadium was in need for the national team of Oliverry. A national team who claims to be one of the best teams in the world can't play anymore in such an inadequate stadium. It's in a context of modernization of the sports installations all around the Oliverrian territory that we decided to announce the construction of a new stadium. Five locations around Oliverry have been chosen by l'association for a new stadium. I guess it's now time that we present to you the five sites:"


4895, Avenue Centrale, Marshalliston
This place has lots of advantages. It's a very large lot located minutes from downtown Marshalliston. So, before going to a game, people could gather in a bar downtown to drink and have fun, then come to the stadium and cheer for the national team. It is also located near a residential district, so people of the area could also have access to the place. As well, the vastness of the location will permit to the national team to have some training fields there as well, which will also help develop soccer at the local level. Actually, the only inconvenient of the place is that, as it is located near a residential district, it could occasionate some disturbances as many people will gather to the stadium.
146, Boulevard Jean-Charles Renommé Ouest, Marshalliston
This location is historical, as it was once the location of the biggest courthouse of the nation. It was afterwards transformed into the first House of Assembly of Oliverry, before the Assembly moved in 1905 when a building funded for them by the King himself was created on Boulevard du Parlement. Then, the building was destroyed to make place for a baseball field, which was never built, so the place remained empty for almost a century and a half. Well, not really, as it is currently a park, "Courthouse park". This place is large enough to accomodate everyone and is located in the Historical District of the city, Town Centre. The only problem is that, as the architecture of the district is old, the architect of the stadium will have to do something that looks "old" from the outside. But its vastness is limited, as such as if we wanted to build a 80,000 seats stadium, a maximum of 5,000 cars could park on a parklot. And that would mean no training fields for the team.
18 763, Rue Principale Nord, Pionnier
This location would actually be the best of them all, because Pionnier is only a hour away from the capital, Marshalliston, and that the space is... more then vast. A stadium built there would be right next to l'Interprovinciale 1, the most used freeway in the nation, with a planned exit next to the stadium if the project was to be accepted. To get back to the space, there is enough to provide for a 150,000 seats stadium, more than Dôme de Saint-François, at least two training fields, parking lots for everyone and a hotel complex. The problem though is that the stadium is located faaaaarrrrrrrrr away from Pionnier's core, so travelling from a place to another will be tough. There's also the fact that everyone will try to flock from there to the freeway once the game is over, which will cause many problems.
26 745, 77e Rue, Saint-François
The two last ones had to bid to get l'Association to even get interested on their bids, so they're unlikely to get accepted, as they are too far from the capital. But they are still interesting, so let's take a look at them. Saint-François's bid seems very interesting. Their plan is to get a stadium and share it with the Saint-François Communist Football Club (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Saint-Fran%C3%A7ois_CFC), which is actually in need of a new stadium, as they've been sharing the stadium they currently use with Saint-François United. The new facility would include a vast stadium (with higher capacity than Dôme de Saint-François (http://www.thirdgeek.com/old/wcstadia/wc26-ol-d%c3%b4medesaintfran%c3%a7ois.png)), with a lot of parking lots and some training fields. A highway is planned as well that will lead directly to the parking lots of the new stadium, so that there are no way to get blocked in traffic. The problem is also the fact that the stadium is located in a suburb of Saint-François, so it is kilometres away from the city's core once again.
500, Kirkland Road, Kingston
Kingston also had to bid to l'Association to get a recognized bid. The stadium they want to build is a bigger replica of King's Palacium (http://www.thirdgeek.com/old/wcstadia/wc26-ol-kingspalacium.png), which was built as Kingston's main stadium in the 2010s. This is actually the location of King's Palacium. So, what Kingston plans to do is a bigger version of the stadium to rise the number of people that can attend the game to 150,000 people. As I'm speaking though, their city council is still debating on whether or not they should expand King's Palacium, so their bid might not be considered at all.


So, as you can see, there are many interesting locations for the future stadium to be built. The monthly assembly of l'Association, next month, will decide what bid they want to consider as official. Then, we will call for another press conference to tell everyone about our choice and to start asking for architects and building companies to bid for the construction of the stadium, which should last one month as well. Finally, after this, the stadium will be built. We sincerely hope that it will be finished for the beginning of qualifications for the 35th World Cup."

In other news, I guess you all know my deception as the World Cup Committee finally decided what countries will get to host the 35th World Cup. As you might know, the AOS put forward a bid to host with the Quakmybushian Soccer Association, which ended in being defeated by a bid coming from The Lowland Clans and Bazalonia. While I'm deceived, I want to congratulate the other bid's organization, as they did a better job than us to promote their bid, and it paid for them. The stadium we now want to build was supposed to be the centre piece of the bid, but now, it will be the masterpiece of our own national association, as well as the contracts signed with TéléOli, for the French broadcast and SportsChannel, for the English broadcast of every World Cup match involving the Oliverrian national team and for the broadcast of Première Ligue matches."

Thank you everyone!"

Travel guide to Jariss

Jariss is a small independent island nation about 40 miles long by 25 miles wide. The island was formed by long ago volcanic eruptions and as such most of the nation’s 8,000 inhabitants have enjoyed self sufficiency with food between the fertile volcanic soil and the ocean’s bounty around it. The western quarter of the isle is uninhabitable as some minor volcanic activity continues which has resulted in the isle slow growing by 1-2 inches each year as more volcanic rock slowly rises to the surface. The isle itself is rather flat with the highest point on the isle being a small hill a mere 1200 feet above sea level on a gradual slope rising from west to east before tapering back downwards where the capital and lone town- Jariss City can be found.

Jariss City holds about 5,000 people and is the center of a regular tourist trade. With temperatures ranging between 60F in the winter to nearly 100F in the summer, tourism is a year round trade on the isle. Jariss City boasts a well protected natural harbor where fishing boats, luxury liners and cargo ships from overseas can be found running in and out of regularly. Near the docks is Jariss’ small shipyard and a few miles further along the coast is the isle’s main source of power, a hydroelectric plant which provides energy for the entire population in an effort to preserve the environment. The isle is run by a democratically elected Magistrate who rules for a single five year term and then is inducted into the Magistrate’s Advisory Council where he can be called upon at any time thereafter to assist the Magistrate or fill in if the Magistrate is incapacitated for whatever reason.

As a further sign of this eco-friendly land, no cars or vehicles of any type are allowed on the isle, the inhabitants using bicycles to get around, built in Jariss City itself. For the very young and or very old, our cycles include multiple seating covered models as well to let stronger legs do the work. Thus pollution is not a problem on the isle. As an added benefit most Jarissians are in excellent shape due to this regular daily exercise. Plant and animal life unique to our isle are to be gazed at in wonder and amazement as you cycle along the isle. Afraid of getting lost in country? No worries, our rangers cycle these same trails regularly to offer help as needed.

A pair of beaches lie on either side of Jariss City as well as a more secluded one 12 miles from the city to the south where vacationers can relax and rest in the sun and scuba dive to see the plentiful sea life and underwater delights of our island. The Grand Hotel in the city boasts not only living quarters for nearly 200 people but also a casino, indoor pool and restaurant for tourist enjoyment. For those seeking a lower key residence a pair of small comfy motels can be found in the city as well. Daily tours go out to the lava fields where the forces that brought our small isle into existence can be marveled at. In fact those seeking to relax can go visit the hot springs found near the lava fields in the northwest and let its soothing waters wash away your aches and pains. Or those looking to explore on your own, rent a bike and travel along your own itinerary, both in and out of the city our bicycle paths are well marked and always in good condition and can take you almost anywhere on the island you want to go.

If you’d rather stay in the city, Jariss city boasts a movie theater, a seafood restaurant boasting local cuisine and even a fast food place if you’re in a hurry. If you have a little more time, come visit the city’s market square where the locals set up their own stalls and stand to show off their wares and home cooking. From obsidian carvings to fresh fruit or fish to homemade clothing and crafts to street performers you’ll be sure to find something to pique your interest. And if sports is your thing then come down to the Jariss Arena where you and 4500 others can watch sports like soccer, football and rugby be played out on the field of play. Or watch it at home live from our own television station or read about it on the Jariss Times the next day. Though all these sports pale in popularity compared to our national pastimes- Cycling, where the Jariss Dash, a 115 mile race that is held every June 2nd to celebrate our Independence day nearly 80 years ago…and Frisbee whose Ultimate Frisbee showdowns always pack the Arena.

If you’re looking to move here, be assured that while Jariss is a small island it takes care of its own. The local schooling system is quite up to date boasting both two elementary schools and a High school, with scholarships available for those wishing to go abroad to college. Our hospital is up to modern standards as well and our police/firefighters are both helpful and considerate to all and possessing the most up to date gear of today. Crime is seldom a problem here because after all, where could a criminal run to? The land is a farmer’s delight boasting two crops each year and the seas have an abundance of life for the fishers among you. The northern part of the isle is a protected forest where our national animal the green striped tree spiders frolic in peace.

Religiously, Jariss is open minded allowing visitors to practice whatever religion they choose. As for the citizens they are Christian but sport no churches or monasteries of any sort. Rather as each Jarissian feels that as God is everywhere, there is no need to set aside a special building to worship and instead do so from the comfort of their homes in private. The closest thing to a Holy spot on the isle is found at the top of the hill, known simply as ‘the Peak’ only ten miles west of Jariss City where citizens will pilgrimage to a couple of times a year to pray quietly at the spot on the isle closest to the Lord in the Heavens. A small stone slab reminds visitors that they have reached the hilltop’s highest point.

However one local law should be made aware of, Jariss law prohibits families from having more than two children in order to keep the isle from over populating itself and destroying the always delicate ecology of the isle. Sometimes sacrifices must be made to keep Jariss the wonderful little nation that it is today. So come on down to Jariss and see just what the sea has brought forth.

The Daily Mail - World Cup Special

Timeline of events in Bostopia since COH26

2 Yrs Ago

July: Bostopia wins Cup of Harmony 26 with a two-one penalty shoot-out victory over a spirited Kiryu-shi side. Adam Collick steps down as National Team Manager, as announced before World Cup 34 qualifications.
9th August: Bostopia Stadium bombed by the Laquar Liberation Front on the day of the East Isle -v- West Isle game, which no Laquaris take part in. 1,472 Bostopian fans are killed, mainly from the collapse of the roof and upper tier of the stadium onto the lower tier in Section F.
10th August: Emperor Boston visits the site, announcing the remains of Section F will be removed from the site, and the materials used to build a memorial. The area of the stadium will be left as a void with an eternal flame and where the memorial will stand.
16th August: The Bostopian Government unanimously votes to permanently expel Laquar from the Confederate States of Bostopia. A prominent international media outlets declares the Bostopian Government has "surrendered to terrorism."
17th August: Bostopian forces invade the Republic of Laquar, with the Bostopian Air Force almost flattening Laquar City, with heavy use of "daisy cutters". "Some" civilian deaths were reported by Commanders. Oliverry's Marshallington Times reports "Bostopia doesn't respect people's rights to sovereignty with it's invasion of Laquar," according to M. Roger Labonte, professor of Political Sciences at the Universite de Marshalliston.
19th October: Due to her professionalism during her reporting on the Bostopia Stadium Attack, Kelly Firth is promoted to the second-highest presenting role on Channel 9, Griffwitness News, Bostopia.
1st November: Brian Marne named as Bostopia Manager. He had lead Rolida FC to two Premier League titles, against all expectations. Marne had also won the Third, Second and First divisions on the trot with Rolida FC, also claiming the Emperor's Cup, the Championship Cup and the Bostopian Association Cup, before winning the Premier League in Rolida FC's third season in the league.
1st December: Emperor Boston celebrates another year in charge by announcing that the Bostopian Government is to pursue talks with the Vladmiristaki government for an open market/free trade agreement.
5th February: The Bostopian National Party win the first elections held since the invasion of Laquar, but do not win or lose any seats.
27th February: Bostopia and Vladmiristak announce the completion of talks on the free trade deal.
3rd April: Empress and Emperor Boston announce the Empress is 4 weeks pregnant. Dr.Vlad (Chairman of Vladmiristak) states he had heard "unusually loud noises, even for those two" during his stay at Fort Boston Castle. Dr.Vlad later sent a ham in celebration to the couple, and the Empress found her craving.
4th July: Bostopia win an emotional UFR Cup of Nations final with a 2 - 0 win over Outer Sygon in the Bostopia Stadium.
9th August: Memorial service held at the Bostopia Stadium and nationwide.
14th September: Brad Feldker wins the Bostopia F1 Drivers Championship, following a victory at the Sennaton Circuit, Port Flamerty State, with two races yet to go.
21st October: The Rugball season ends with Squigg RC crowned national champions.
9th November: Kelly Firth exposes foreign teams attempting to steal the Bostopian National Team's players on youth contracts, with big money attatched to them.
10th November: Press Statement issued stating that the players are committed to their Bostopian teams for the "considerable future"
3rd December: Empress Christine gives birth to Jenson Maximillian Palmer Boston, at 8:49AM in Fort Boston Castle. He is the current heir to the Bostopian Throne.
7th December: Emperor Boston changes Bostopian law so that the heir to the throne on the current Emperor's death rather than on their 16th birthday.
1st January: At Prince Jenson's first state banquet, he narrowly misses throwing up on Dr.Vlad, only to hit Ian, leader of Outer Sygon, who had previously been questioning the suitability of the name Jenson.
24th February: In their final regional friendly before World Cup Qualifying, Bostopia loses 2 - 1 to Rental Save.

The FA has announced that the first and last home games for Bostopia will be played at the Bostopia Stadium. One will be played in Fenton's Copsequay Stadium, one at Port Flamerty's Deepbay Stadium, and one in Landsberg Stadium, Caflin.

Merano Regency: Sports

As the Olympics finish and World Cup 35 approaches, some of Zwangzug's (very few) athletes are discovering a new "extreme sport". First covered (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12576938&postcount=308) in Northern Bettia, "glimming" is nearly impossible to understand. From what can be deciphered of the rules, each match takes place between two teams of sixteen. Players have precise responsibilities: the most numerous position is that of the eight "Fire Ants". The most infamous, however, would be the "Starmen" (each team has two): political correctness advocates hasten to add that females may also fill this role. The hardest task is that of keeping score, as can be seen from yesterday's results:

Xhill π, EAST Zwangzug √(-1)
ζεβ dorm aleph-null, AIU janitors aleph-one
Noh Weir United .999..., Little Plutoni 1.618...

YEAR 3421 Day 289
PLACE FORMER COUNTRY OF QAZOX, Q CONTINUUM
TIME 2355 STANDARD


La-Yo set up his tent, and began to settle himself in for the night, when a loud noise roared through the air.

La-Yo turned on his quadsensor array, and aimed it at the direction the noise came from. "Computer, triangulate the position of the noise and scan the surrounding 100 square units for lifesigns." he spoke as the array linked up to ship.

As the ship's computer processed the information, La-Yo took out his quantum gun and checked the charge. "Damn only 17% charged, something must be draining it." He thought as the array beeped.

ANALYSIS COMPLETE. THE SOURCE OF THE NOISE IS LOCATED 500 UNITS NORTH-EAST OF YOUR LOCATION. NO HUMANOID LIFESIGNS PRESENT. LIFESIGNS INDICATE A CREATURE 15 METERS TALL, WEIGHING 1700 KILOS. LIFEFORM DOES NOT MATCH ANY KNOWN FORM OF LIFE EXISTANT ON THIS PLANET. The computer announced.

"15 meters tall, 1700 kilos? Computer, search database for any creature that that may match description that has ever existed on this planet." La-Yo replied.

As the computer searched for the creature in the database, he began to move towards the source of the noise, and was startled by the computer's beep.

THE CREATURE APPEARS TO MATCH DESCRIPTIONS OF A BOVINAE VOMBATIDAE DICEROS A TWO-HORNNED WOMBOX. SUCH A CREATURE HAS NOT EXISTED ON THIS PLANET SINCE APRROXIMATELY THE END OF THE LAST MAJOR ICE AGE, 15,000 YEARS AGO.

"Computer, how can such a creature exist when it has been extinct for over 15000 years? Scan the area of the creature for any temporal waves, disturbances or tachyons." he replied, stopping to check the status of the quantum gun. "12% charge? What the hell is going on around here?"

Person 1: I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan

Person 2: And I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire

Together: And We're Wyld Stallyns!!

Ted: And welcome to the pre-World Cup 35 show.

Bill: Sativaville has never qualifed for the Cup thing and they decided, that if a bunch of crazy people can have a show and make the World Cup, why not us?

Ted: Most excellent point, dude. And through out the show, during the qualifers, we'll go back in time and get historical figures to help commentate the proceedings.

Bill: Right on, Ted. For this pre-World Cup show, we decided to allow the audience vote on who to bring to the future.. or the the past, as we might even get Rufus to do a show or two.

<Bill and Ted do their Air Guitar thing>

Ted: The voting starts now and will conclude 30 minutes before our next show, so Be Excellent to each other Sativaville, Wyld Stallyns Out!

(ooc: If this seems like Bill and Ted gained a couple hundred IQ points, It's a parody so if i want them to be about average intellegence, then so shall they be)

BTW, Here's the nominees for the first co-host.. (please vote)

1- Sigmund Freud
2- Socrates
3- Napoleon
4- Ghengis Khan
5- Abraham Lincoln
6- Billy the Kid
7- Joan of Arc
8- Ludwig van Beethoven
9- Chuck De Nomolos
10- Someone Else (please nominate)

Dazza Dallas standing with a pile of stuff around her

"Hello, this is Dazza Dallas - you know the Village Bike. As you all know by now, it's a special World Cup! World Cup 35 is Jeruselem's 25th meaning one century of World Cup. The official name of this celebration is err The Celebration of the Centenary of Jeruselem's participation in the World Cup. OK, no one is going remember that one so Dazza's going to refer to it as the Jeruselem World Cup Centenary. I'm the lucky coach to be the one coaching for the centenary and World Cup 35. The boss wants me to tell you what we are selling for this occasion. So what do we have here? Oh, if you see a guy following me around, he's my bodyguard to protect me from the people who don't like me."

<Picks up a poster>

"Firstly, we have a huge lot of posters to buy. All the stars from World Cup 11 to 34 are featured including me. Only 5 Shekels each. Everyone, be warned about the Dazza Dallas one! It's not for small kids. I'm not clothed at all."

<Holds up a T-Shirt>

"We also have a lot of T-Shirts like this one for kids and adults. 10 Shekels each, and we have styles for men and women too. This one is a women's vee cut for women who like to show off their boobies like me."

<Holds a banknote and coin>

"Hey, the official banknote and coin for this celebration. Both are 100 Shekel denomination but they actually cost 200 Shekels to buy. The banknote has limited print run of 100,000 and the coin - only 10,000 made. There's the world cup on one side and a bunch of coaches on the other side on the banknote. I'm the naked one if people are wondering. The coin has the world cup on one and me on the other side because they couldn't fit the other coaches in. The coin is 99.99% Silver too. The coin is 500 Shekels not 200, my mistake."

<Holds a bunch of random stuff>

"We have usual junk like mugs, scarves, caps, mouse mats, socks, gloves, soccer balls, flags, stickers and hankies. The prices are on the web site."

<Holds bunch of DVDs>

"We have lots of DVDs too. The complete collection of THE FOOTBALL LIFE since it was started, every episode. A special DVD set about the history of Jeruselem in the World Cup since 11 including two special DVDs about World Cup 30 and 32. We have a set of DVDs featuring the stars of Jeruselem including moi. A complete set of the Virtual Strumpet and Virtual Hunk for football players. There's plenty here."

<Holding a statuette>

"This is the Goddess! Yes, it's me naked hold a soccer ball in the air. There's three types - the crappy plastic one, the brass one and bronze one. The prices are 20, 50 and 200 Shekels accordingly. I'm holding the rather heavy Bronze one. It looks like me too."

"As you see plenty of stuff. Head to the following web site, that is https://store.jgn.net.jew with your credit card. I'm going to ask if I can keep this statuette. Before I forget, I gotta show people this."

<Dazza's daughter Kate Dallas runs out wearing a foxy cheerleaders uniform>

"Yeah, the official centenary cheerleaders dress. Doesn't it look good! Well, it does on my daughter anyway. You can buy this too but all Jeruselem cheerleader squads will get free sets from the Jeruselem FA for this world cup only. That's it, please SHOP till your MOUSE drops. International people can SHOP too. Please SHOP."

...

The Crown Prince of Jeruselem was watching the advertisement. As soon as he saw Kate Dallas turn up, she wanted to meet her. If she was anything like the mother, it would be really exciting.

Outside OXCORP Enterprises, Fromburg 2330hrs....

"National team raring to go back to World Cup!" blared the television inside of the guard station of OXCORP Enterprises. As the guard slowly turned his head to watch the lastest preview show on QSPN2, a lone figure snuck up behind and neatly and quietly slit the guard's throat. Lowering the body below the door, the figure punched in a code into the computer, while looking out for the second guard. After a few minutes of typing, a status board light turned green.

"Sir, the interior security net is now on a loop. We have 30 minutes before the auto-back up resests the system" The figure spoke into a headset.

"Excellent Archangel. When the second guard comes back, dispose of him as well, it will buy us a few more minutes. Wait there at the guard station until I signal that we are only the way out." The voice told her, thru the set.

As 'Archangel' waited, she didn't notice the person sneaking up behind her, not until her neck was snapped.

"Sorry Hun, but I can't allow ya'll to do this," the man who snuck up behind her said. As he punched in a different code into the computer, Alarms began to blare and with one last stroke of the keyboard, his mission was complete.

...45 Minutes later... Hotel room somewhere in Fromburg.

"I'm getting too old for this shit" Muttered the man looking into the mirror, as he washed his face. Suddenly, the hotel phone rang, startling the man.

"Yes... Who is this....How do you know I was here WHO IS THIS????" The man yelled into the phone, but there was no answer.

Kyle Cartman is not the type of man to take no for answer.....

From the Desk of Noz-Tf

New head coach announcement

First we'd like to thank our last coach, Nicolas Hausen for his fine work in guiding us back to the quarterfinals and to a top three ranking. However he's decided to return home to Geisenfried so we will be hiring a new coach this cup, but he's in no way new to Az-cz. Zax-Im will be taking over as head coach. He's shown his skills as an assistant and in the AOCAF and as an assistant.

Friendly annoucements

We've pleased to announce that we've already got some tenative friendly agreements arranged, with quite high profile opponents. Before qualifiers begin we'll be travelling just across the channel to our good friends Bazalonia and our old coach Hawdon. Then in the first half of qualification we have reached a tenative agreement to host our friends and rivals from Bettia. And sometime in the second half we should be travelling to Squornshelous for a very intriguing match against a team we've never faced before. All of those matches will help put the team in a strong mindset for making a run at the cup title.

Celebration of Jeruselem

In honor of their 25th anniversary as a competitor in the world cup Jeruselem is having many celebrations and we would like to aide them. We will be sending them a collection of kleptochase gnome dolls in Jeruselem gear and a large painting of Dazza Dallas in Az-cz colors.

Elven Times
Cranking Up the Engine

It's time for the long process to begin once again, as the two years since the Proper have ended have gone by quickly, and the qualifying stages are set to start in a month. After such a brilliant qualifying stage last tournament, and then a shaky run to the knockouts before amazingly pulling out the third place game, some of us wonder if the Marauders are due for a letdown. With Tobias Raynor returning to his role as the Great Leader, Liliam Kries retiring from international play, and Kyla Night missing the Cup due to the birth of her new daughter, Areila Night, the squad is missing alot of their expirence and a good chunk of last tournament's starting line up. So it is logical to think that the squad would be on course for a poor performance, but we all forget that the backups of these stars usually have played for decades in the top flight, and are quality footballers. Add into that mix the way Soler has been able to fire up the squad when needed, and you have yourself a great squad. With Justinian Constant showing he has the attitude needed for your captain, I expect that the new players in the starting eleven to not have the jitters normally associated with players making their first appearances on the national team.

Fans of the increable talent that is Laborious Hawk will be delighted to hear that he has made the starting line up. Despite looking like he is more built for the Calcuttas than the Marauders, the lad has all the tools. Besides Kiso Night, he is perhaps the best pure player the squad has. This isn't to knock down Jannian, Constant, or St. Louis, it's just that Hawk and Night were born to play football. Wori Metria has also made it to the national team and got the starting spot to boot. She has really impressed Soler soo far in the training camps, and is working quite well with Nickel and Florez. The three seem to be building a real strong chemistry that could finally solidify the backline from their random breakdowns, see Az-cz 4-1 last group stage. At long last Nikali Rikard finally has gotten what he deserves after long persistance and never giving up hope. After waiting six tournaments on the bench, he finally has made the starting line up and his speed alone should cause complications for our oppenents. If he is able to keep his conversion rate, he should do well in the new system Soler is employing. Also of note, the twins of Cristi and Nelson Kries have made the call ups, despite their older sister Liliam retiring from the international competitions.

The last thing to mention is the squad is switching things around in the formation. Despite the success of the 3-4-3 they used last tournament, Kyla's absence leaves a void in the strikers that could not be replaced. To make up for this hole, Soler has switched to a variation of the 3-5-2, using two attacking midfielders to make up for the absence of a third proven striker. It should be interesting to see how quickly the squad adjusts, and if the switch in tactics provides the possession and attacking boost that Soler is desiring. On a personal note, mine and Ron's daughter, Rose Diamond Santapa, has been signed by FC Capri to a developmental contract, and looks like she is on her way to becoming a decent striker under the tutalage of manager Maria Morris. Ron and I are both proud, and will be looking forward to her hopefully making her way to the first squad and either the ESF or Assegai national team in the near future.

Article by Luna Santapa

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais National Football Team press conference

Jessica: "Hello and welcome to today's press conference for the Acapais National Football Team. I am glad all of you could make it this afternoon. In a moment Mr. William Edwards, president of the Acapais National Football Team, will present himself and speak with you. It is stated by the president however that at the end of the announcements there will be no questions. So without further ado, I would like to introduce to you the president of the Acapais National Football Team, Mr. William Edwards!"

Light Applause

Edwards: "Thank you all for coming out. I am going to make this as brief as possible for I have a lot of work to do. We clearly stated to manager Anil Keswani that if we failed to bring home a Cup of Harmony 26 championship, there would be problems. We have indeed failed and therefore are releasing him from his duties. We had expectations, and they were not met. It was a very easy decision for me. However, we are pleased to announce that the new Manager we have brought in is truly remarkable. He has taken his former Acapan club Three Rivers FC from eighth in the Gold Division to IFFF Cup qualification every year since and a season 6 championship. I am very excited about this year's cup run with new manager of the Acapais National Football Team, Mr. Yomi Elixer.

Yomi: "Hello everyone. Thank you everyone for coming. My name is Yomi and I will talk to you about the team that will be competing in this World Cup’s qualification and that are hopefully able to acquire enough points to travel to Bazalonia and The Lowland Clans next summer. We are very excited for this is Acapais's third ever World Cup campaign. World Cup XXXV will be our next opportunity to bring home an international trophy. Having been eliminated from the previous World Cup was a bit of a let down however under my new management I am certain that we will finish high this time around.

"Now, because this is only our third World Cup Qualifying appearance, other countries expectations for Acapais are somewhat low. However, my expectations for the team are higher than one might expect. Acapais is an experienced team but still with much to learn. As nation ranked 42, qualifying for the World Cup will be a difficult task. That does not mean, however, it is out of our reach. Qualifying group format is undecided as of now however there will be nations in this competition who rank 41 places above us. None of this means however that we cannot upset these higher ranked nations and take a spot.

"In this tournament we will play a more offensive game to try to outscore our opponents. With our experience we should be able to beat them to the back of the net. Offensively we have pace with, Salazar, Jose and Van Savage. Our large goalkeepers is quick has a good coach. All players on the roster are familiar with each other because they all play in the Acapais Football League’s Gold Division. Some players even have teammates the roster.

"Having said all of this, our goal, like the rest of the world, is simple; win the World Cup. Some of you might call me an optimist, but the members of the Acapais Football Association will do our best to bring home glory. Thank you for your time."

(OOC: Sativaville, I vote for Ludwig van Beethoven)

Odin "Goes Global"

Odin Sports, makers of the Keyne Island uniforms, are ready to take on the world's need for kits. There has been a gap in the market ever since Krytenian corporation JMC went bust five years ago.

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/OdinS.png
lllllllThe Odin Sports logo.

Charlie Vine, Odin chairman, quoted:

"There's a lot of teams there who need quality stuff. We've seen a lot of teams in cheap Ediraf and JMC knock-offs, and we're here to offer them something that could actually improve their performance.

Fellow Atlantian Oceania nation Demot are in line to be the company's first international customers.

The Schiavone Scribe
"All Possibilities" Tops Ratings

In an unlikely turn of events, All Possibilitles, a new show that was originally though to be unschiavone, has become the most widely watched show on Schiavone television.

The show delves into alternative, often more sinister, reasons for particular sequences of events. It was originally thought that there was no need to be suspicious of anyone, because, hey, we're all good guys, right?

But as the series wore on, the realisation that not everything was as it seems, and that the search for the truth was harder than it seemed, struck a chord with many viewers.

Last week's edition, looking into the Schiavone football team's last World Cup campaign, drew a record television audience for a TV show that wasn't a televised event, as people across the forty-six islands tuned in to hear theories about the team's failings in the Dreamed Realm.

Theories with varying credibility included Tony Tarmey deliberately losing the sloths' game against Okielahoma, David Jones and Isla Blige being up all night making love before the game against Elves Security Forces and the rather outlandish claim that Jones isn't actually Schiavone.

"It's all rather interesting," said TV executive Richard James, "as a show like this would usually have been completely blanked out by most of the population. However, for some unknown reason, the people are starting to become cynical about things they'd usually take for granted."

Future shows will be looking at how fast food restaurant Kingsbury Fried Penguin became so big so quickly, and at how religion might not actually be real.

You don't honestly believe this nonsense, though, do you? I mean, David Jones coming from some kind of alternative reality? Nonsense, surely?



Railway Given Goahead

Schiavonia took it's first step to an inter-city transport system today, prompting rumours that another World Cup hosting bid could be on the cards.

Schaivonia hosted World Cup 30, along with the Islands of Qutar. While each team was given individual boats to get them around the forty-six islands, it was noticed by many fans and locals that the waterways and cyclepaths around host cities were often very crowded.

The Schiavone government pledged that they would not be posting a bid to host a cup until such problems were to be sorted out, and the fact that a new national railway system, the Schiavone Underground Railway System (SURS), has been given the green light to be built to link the country's major cities points to the fact that they might be ready to do so again.

However, this is a large scale scheme. While the first section, linking Kingsbury and Threlo, should be open within two years, the nationwide project could take decades. Eventually, every Schaivone island will be connected to the network, while the Schiavone Transport Authority will be looking to put links to other nearby nations, such as Delesa, West Pasco and Qutar.

The trains themselves will, rather cleverly for a nation with so many islands, be wave powered. The energy of the tides will be converted into electricity to be used under the surface of the Schiavone Seas by the rail system.

So, add the improved transport system to the better KFS, and Schiavonia might well end up looking to host another World Cup. But it probably won't be for a while yet.

To: The People of Az-cz
From: Official Spokesperson for the Jeruselem FA
RE: Gift for the celebration of Jeruselem World Cup Centenary

Thanks for the gifts. We don't expect gifts from other nations but when they come, it's nice a gesture that nations can be friends even we are fighting for one thing. We hope the Az-cz team do well in this cup and hopefully, we might meet in the final to break that curse that goes around.

On a personal note, I look pretty good in Az-cz colours.

Dazza Dallas
XXX

The Tzimisces Saga - post the first

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

COACH QUITS!
Ageless Legend Jumps to Monks

By Anna Comneno

In news that has rocked the Imperial football squad - newly ranked in the top ten international teams for the very first time in the nation's long footballing history - ageless World Cup Hall of Fame legend Juan Tzimisces last night resigned his position as national team coach to take up a position as national coach of fellow Dreamed Realm nation the Archregimancy.

"It just seemed to Juan like the right time to move on" said a source close to the coach. "He's been in charge of the squad on and off since World Cup 25 - and that's a long time even in the Dreamed Realm. Coaching the team when they co-hosted the Cup and reached the quarterfinals for the first time since World Cup 2 was a fine achievement, and Juan wants to leave on a high. And don't forget he has long-standing Archregimancy connections: he was coaching consultant to the monks in World Cup 24".

Fans of the Imperial squad are nonetheless said to be deeply concerned about how this will impact the team just as they seemed to be on the cusp of success. "I am deeply concerned" said one random man on the street who then kindly asked this reporter out to dinner at Chez le Basileus, Alasdairopolis' finest restaurant, where I dined on an extraordinary dish of twice-cooked double-headed eagle breast sauced with a mixed-fruit coulis, accompanied with celeriac foam and rosemary-scented potatoes. Which quite frankly is neither here nor there. But it was a delicious meal.

Sources are unclear whether the notoriously mercurial Tzimisces will take monastic vows upon entering the Archregimancy, or whether - as an Orthodox Christian by birth - the legendary coach will be permitted to coach as non-monastic laity.

New Imperial Squad Member Banned from Co-Hosting Sativaville Show

In other news, The Holy Empire Football Association sent a strongly worded letter of protest to slightly confused ordinary reality Sativaville TV personalities Bill and Ted over their inclusion of a new Imperial squad member in their popular 'choose a co-host' poll.

"Substantial changes are afoot for the World Cup 35 Imperial Squad" said a senior HEFA official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "And while more details will be forthcoming over the coming days, I can confirm that Socrates will be playing for us in the forthcoming World Cup, not co-hosting some addled stoner show. In fact, we want to make it clear that it would be considered a clear conflict of interest for Mr. Socrates to co-host an Ordinary Reality TV show, and he has been specifically banned from doing so."

When asked whether he meant the former Athenian international of the philosophical approach to the game, or the chain-smoking Brazilian left-wing doctor said to be quite handy in midfield, the HEFA official - somewhat cryptically - replied "yes".

HEFA's letter to the Sativaville authorities is said to have supported the nomination of Joan of Arc to co-host the stoner show, on the grounds that "anyone who hears angel voices in their head has clearly been smoking something anyway."

The Tzimisces saga - post the second

Somewhere deep in Monastic Football Headquarters...

"... and with that prayer of thanksgiving, I bring this meeting of the MFA executive to order. First order of business: the Archregimancy national team's frustrating lack of success in recent World Cups. I'll open up the floor.... Fr. Polyeuctus?"

"Eloi, eloi, lama sabachtani!"

"For forty days and forty nights - metaphorically speaking - have our squad toiled in the wilderness, and yet still no success comes!"

"Though we know that suffering strengthens the soul, and that humility is the natural state of the God-fearing monk, still we pray unto Thee for an occasional spot in the knock-out stages"

"Must we be denied success forever? In Thy wisdom you denied success for many a year to the Capitalizts of Commerce Heights and the Jungle Cats of Vilita... but why us, Oh Lord?"

"We give thanks unto Thee, Oh Lord, for our recent joy-bringing missionary success, and we joyfully pray for Br. David, Fr. Innocent, Fr. Iosephus - as well as Fr. Barsanuphius and Fr. John, though they were already members of Thy church - but can't we have a little success in results too? Is it so sinful for us to desire that we smite the heathens, and heretics, and atheists, and freemasons, and other assorted sinners - especially that Dallas strumpet - on the footballing field?"

"Brothers.... Let us not sit here whingeing forever. It is not for us to know what the Lord, in his infinite and unknowable wisdom desires for us. The Lord shall provide. But perhaps we could help him provide through taking more concrete action ourselves..."

"This smacks of heresy!"

"No, no.... you misunderstand, brother.... Truly the Lord Our God shall provide us with success when He deems it time for us to succeed, but on a practical level, might we not benefit from the vast practical footballing knowledge of another wholly Orthodox nation close to many of our hearts."

"The Holy Empire?"

"Indeed.... Brothers, I suggest we hire Juan Tzimisces as our coach."

"Tzimisces? He's a good son of the Church.... but a monk? He'll never become a monk."

"I'm not suggesting he should. You said it yourself - he's a good son of the Church for all his faults. He's an Orthodox layperson, therefore he's welcome here. The Archregimand is laity, so why not our coach?"

"Well.... it's nothing if not ambitious...."

"And restore the squad anonymity policy from a couple of cups ago. We started going backwards as soon as we dropped that. Sure, the heathens will probably recognise Br. David, Fr. Innocent and Fr. Barsanuphius - certainly they will if we're drawn against Errinundera, Ariddia or Bazalonia, anyway. But otherwise anonymity worked for us - if our squad remains as unknowable as the mind of God, then we might just get somewhere...."

"Tzimisces and anonymity? It's mad. It's inspired. Perhaps it's even divinely inspired.... A vote! I call a vote!"

"Seconded!"

"All those in favour?"

"AYE!!!!!"

"Opposed?"

<silence>

"Well, brothers.... I think we might just have a plan...."

(disclaimer: the following RP containes minor profanity, and a bit of bad taste thrown into the mix as well – just so you know)


King Alfons stormed through the front door of the BFA headquarters, promptly knocking his miter off his head. He kicked it up with his heel, caught it in the air above him with both hands and plopped it back onto his head – backwards – without slowing down.

The receptionist – a spunky looking redhead - eyed His Majesty with a hint of apprehension as he approached the desk, his face red and swollen, but her hand made no movement towards the alarm button next to her knee just yet.

“James Gaines,” His Majesty said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Pardon?”

“James Gaines, you know, the douchebag President of this shindig. Where can I find him? Up in the penthouse shagging some spreckle-faced intern? On second thought, just buzz ol’ buttface down. This shithole doesn’t look like it has a couch in its elevators, and my ankles are swollen.”

The receptionist blinked.

“What did you say the name was?” She pulled her keyboard closer.

“Honeybuns, don’t even start with that horse manure. I just had to slap some muttonhead cabbie around for driving me halfway across the city, claiming he didn’t know where this place was. Now you’re gonna tell me you don’t recognize the name of your organization’s President? Normally I only slap women if they’re face down on the bed, but you really don’t want to test my patience today.”

“But we don’t even have a President,” she started.

“President, General, Dalai Dromedare, I don’t give a rodent’s ass what you call him, just get that Gaines bloke downhere before I start to get really mad. You really don’t wanna see that. I get flatulent when I’m mad.”

A whiff of a fart escaped from the Royal Buttcheeks. The receptionist quickly grabbed her keyboard and started typing.

“Gaines,” she said. “Gaines… Gaines… Nope, fraid not, nobody by that name.”

His Majesty balled his fists, took a deep breath, and let one rip. It lasted only six seconds, but it seemed like an eternity. Windows trembled in their frames. The receptionist gasped for air.

“That was just a warmer-upper,” King Alfons said, leaning onto the reception desk. “So let’s cut to the cheese here. He doesn’t want to see me, does he? He warned you I’d be stopping by, didn’t he? Of course he did. Closing the World Cup sign-ups just minutes before Spruitland sent in their application, that wanker knew full well that I wouldn’t take that face down with my bare ass sticking up like a welcoming committee.”

“World Cup?” The receptionist looked increasingly perplexed.

“Oh for crying out loud, toots. I realize you’re a woman, and one who answers phones for a living to boot, but surely you know at least a tidbit of what goes on around you. It’s not a very difficult word, you know. Foot-ball, say it real slow-like, maybe you can figure it out.”

“I know the word,” she said, not quite snapping. “But, Your Highness, or whoever you are, while several players of the Bazalonian national team are members of our organization, we don’t have anything to do with football, or the World Cup.”

“Then what the Santa’s mittens does the Bazalonian Football Association do?!” the King shouted at the ceiling, his miter dangerously tilting backwards.

The receptionist’s face cleared up in understanding.

“You’re in the wrong building,” she smiled. A sad sizzle escaped from the Royal Buttcheeks.

“This is the BFA building,” she explained. “You’re looking for the BFSA building – the Bazalonian Federation of Soccer Associations.”

Steam came out of His Majesty’s ears. “Then what the bloody rotten hell is the BFA?!”

“The Bazalonian Foulmouth Association,” she smiled sweetly. “Would I be able to interest you in a lifetime membership? I think you’d be a bitchin’ member of this little shindig.”

His Majesty’s fart bounced back off the wall and blew the Royal Miter clean off his head.

(OOC: I have permission from Spruit to use his character)

"What country that crawls out of a monkey's butt call's it's FA the Federation of Soccer Associations" Kings Alfons grumbled as he entered the building. At least he knew he was in the right building the words "Bazalonian Federation of Soccer Associations" was sprawled across the front of the building and there was also a merchandising store just to the right of the main entrance.

"What a douche of a country making me walk, my feet are still swollen" even though he got a taxi from the BFA the king still continued to grumble as he arrived at reception.

A cheery face welcomed him "How can I..." said the Receptionist however he was cut short by the King.

"Get me that douche James Gaines now!" he exclaimed

"Mr. Gaines isn't here, can I get a mess..."

"What do you mean that slime isn't here? I Tell you it's a conspiracy. Go up to the President of the BFSA now and tell him come down here post haste or he'll find a post-hast kick up his bumhole."

"Oh, you want the President of the BFSA... Just a moment." he said as he picked up the phone and said some words that couldn't be heard.

"Andrew Coulter will see you..."

Who in the Rodent's Arse is Andrew Coulter. I want James Gaines, I don't want any random guy Iwant the president.

"Uh, sir, James Gaines is the President of the World Cup Committee, not the BFSA. Andrew Coulter is the President of the BFSA, do you still want to see him?"

"You bloddy right I do."

"Sorry, what's this about?"

"About the closing of the blasted World Cup before we could sign up."

"Ok, just take a seat he'll be down in a moment."

"About time, a rodent could run a better than this."

3 minutes later Andrew Coulter stepped out of the elevator.

"King Alfons, Nice to meet you."

"How the bloody hell did you know who I am?"

"The BFA rang, they warned me that you where coming."

"Oh, well. What's this about you closing the signups just before we could sign up, eh?"

"Well, actually, sir, Spruitland is in. Collonie just withdrew citing some reason or another and so well, now we've included Spruitland in it."

"Oh, well, good then. Still, a rat could do a better job than you."
and with that King Alfons returned to Spruitland trumpeting the success of his mission.

Wyld Stallyns
PRE-WORLD CUP 35 PREVIEW SHOW


Ted: I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan

Bill: And I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire

Together: And We're Wyld Stallyns!!

Ted: Welcome to the pre-World Cup 35 preview show.

Bill: We have the results of the voting for first co-host, and <Audible air guitar Riff> Its our good friend So-Crates.

Ted: I guess the people of Alasdair I Frosticus misunderstood and voted FOR Socrates not against him.

Bill: You're right ted. Socrate wound up with 78% of the vote. The only other person close was Joan of Arc.

Ted: Well we'll be back right after this commercial, with our guest host, Socrates!

<They climb into the Phone Booth and it dissappears>
<Commerical for next Wyld Stallyns Concert "Live from West Potsylvania">
<The Phone Booth re-appears, and they are joined by an older looking man wearing a toga>

Ted: We're back, and here is our good buddy SoCrates!

Socrates: Δεν βρέθηκαν λέξεις!

Bill: Right So-Crates!

Ted: Socrates, how do you think Sativaville will do in the qualifers?

Socrates: Αποτελέσματα αναζήτησης για. <with a head shake>

Bill: Um.. I think he said that the other teams don't have a chance.

Ted: Socrates, one last question, Is Sativaville better than San Dimas?

Socrates: Μπορείτε να δοκιμάσετε πάλι

Bill: I think he said , Yes, but i can't speak greek

Ted: Well that's all for now, On our next show, The next co-host will be.... Joan of Arc! Seeing as she finished 2nd in the voting.

Bill: So Be Excellent to each other Sativaville, Wyld Stallyns Out!

(ooc: DISCLAIMER: I have no idea what the any of the above Greek actually says. Just got it of a english-greek translation site, and it probably is either a swear or it was telling me that "NO ITEMS FOUND"... Next one will be better)

Amda-Mo: Welcome to our pre-qualifier special. Can the Gnomes improve on their finish last cup? Improve their rank? Win the title? We'll look at their prospects and more tonight.

Lur-Mn: Indeed we will. Plus a special guest to talk things over later in the show.

Amda-Mo: So Lur-Mn, let's start with a recap of our overall performance last　cup.

Lur-Mn: Decent. It's hard to be disappointed with 12 pts in the finals but qualification was atrocious and losing to Milchama in the quarters was a disappointment. It's a situation where you can't really be disappointed, but you're not pleased either.

Amda-Mo: Fair enough. Without knowing our group schedule what are expectations for this cup?

Lur-Mn: I'd say at a minimum 4/5 of the points in qualification and a trip to the quarterfinals are low end goals.

Amda-Mo: You think the team will be disappointed with less than that?

Lur-Mn: No question. We're the number three team in the world. We ought to roll through qualifying and make noise in the cup proper.

Amda-Mo: What are your thoughts on Zax-Im as new coach and his "90 minutes of chaos" philosophy?

Lur-Mn: Well as a striker I'm clearly opposed <chuckles to himself> In all serious I'm not sure how it will work out. Zax-Im's tied a lot of his reputation to it so it'll be interesting. Still if there's a team designed to play seven midfielders, it's us. When you look at our players it seems like a good move, but there's a reason it just isn't done.

Amda-Mo: So then....?

Lur-Mn: I'd love to have played on a team like that, but I'm doubtful. But I love Zax-Im and wish him the best.

Amda-Mo: Any opinions on the hosts?

Lur-Mn: Well we all know the Clans can do a good job, but we'll definitely be hoping to make it to Bazalonia. Not only are the Bazalonians good friends, but with the short boat ride we'd easily be able to overwhelm the other crowds in Bazalonia, making us almost like another home team.

Amda-Mo: Ok. Let's get to our guest. I think he's a man well known to all who care about soccer in Az-cz. A starter on the Baptism of Fire champions, starting striker for the Az-cz team which made the finals, and part of the greatest brother combination in Az-cz history, Stanleyinho.

Lur-Mn: Good to see you old friend.

Stanleyinho: Glad to be here.

Lur-Mn: Let's start with the big question, why'd you retire?

Stanleyinho: Well of course I'm still active in the -League. Just retired from international play. There are a number of reasons for that. This would have been my sixth cup, and I'm getting up in years. Plus I've had a lot of injury problems over the year. And wanting to let the young guys experience more of the cup. And of course the change in style that Zax-Im wanted to make. Plus I'm not sure if I could play under my brother. But even with all that it wasn't until Uz-Gz announced that he was retiring from international play that I knew I was done. I didn't want to be the one really old striker sitting on the bench.

Amda-Mo: Intersting. What's your honest opinion of the new formation?

Stanleyinho: Well without me their clearly aren't any strikers to field. <Grins like a madman> But seriously, I'm really suprised and disappointed for EE-Or. He showed so much promise in beating me out at the start of WC33. But then he's struggled since then despite great work. I think the finals last cup really doomed him. With Kn-Dg playing so incredibly I think it confirmed that our best work is done through our midfield. But I expected him to start.

Amda-Mo: Ok, but what do you think of the formation?

Stanleyinho: Oh, yeah. Well I think it's a bad idea. I think the defenses will be able to sit and wait much more than Kn-Dg expects they will. I think that early in matches we'll have big problems scoring and that will put pressure on the defense. The back three and Shockey will have to avoid mistakes that let anything through because if we fall behind our ability to wreak havoc will be weakend.

Lur-Mn: Not a fan then?

Stanleyinho: I just don't think it works not to have any players up front. And we all know Zax-Im can coach a regular formation. He did a splendid job in AOCAF19. I'm just perplexed.

Amda-Mo: How about your brother as coach?

Stanleyinho: He'll be great. He really knows his football. With all of them being quite young the energy they'll be able to muster will be impressive. Despite questioning some of their tactics I think all three of our coaches will do a good job.

Lur-Mn: What will you do during the breaks for qualifying?

Stanleyinho: Well of course I'll be there cheering the team on. Just cause I'm retired doesn't mean I don't care about the team. I'll always be pink & green through and through.

Lur-Mn: Of course. Well it was great to catch up with you. Best luck in -League.

Stanleyinho: Thanks.

Amda-Mo: Alright. Goodnight everyone.

[Lyle] Well, that's all for today from the Bostopia Stadium, with Caflin beating Ranton Rovers by two goals to nil to claim the Association Cup. And now, with the domestic season over, we'll see you in 3 months time for the start of the next Premier League season. Take care, and goodnight.

As the closing music and highlights from the game started up, the credits rolled across the bottom of the screen, as pub bars up and down Bostopia suddenly found themselves under a deluge of football supporters turning away from the TV.

"Three pints of Landsberg please mate" came from the lips of one supporter in Caflin, drinking the lager which was sponsor to his home team.

The barman reached his hand to the shelf under the bar and got the pint glasses (568ml), before tipping each one over slightly under the tap and pouring ever-so-perfect pints.

By the time the supporter had turned round, the credits had stopped rolling.

*HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!*

Someone had blown an air-horn, causing the supporter in question to jump up in shock, spilling three pints of cold lager down the back of a fairly large bald man.

"Shit, urr, sorry mate."

"No worries, I was a bit 'ot anyway."

His girlfriend wasn't happy though.

"Oh! A drip landed on my foot!"

"You spilled beer on my missus!"

Our poor supporter found himself flying through the air, as the TV set once again came back into focus by those who hadn't realised what was going on, either through drink or general ignorance.

[Lyle] Sorry about the air-horn, but had to get your attention. THIS is BTC1, and you're watching...World Cup 35 Preview!

---The North Coast of Outer Sygon, about 700 miles south of the Bostopian mainland---

A little boy was playing at the beach with his family, when he suddenly looked up. It was a look that you normally see from little kids in the movies just before something happened. That oh-so-innocent "who's the nice man with the big axe?" sort of look, or look the youngling gave just after Anakin pulled out his lightsaber (calm down, Ms.Dallas) in Episode III.

"What's wrong honey?" His mother called over

"Something's coming!"

The boy was knocked to the floor by a wall of sound, his back landing squarely on top of the castle his younger sister had just built. There'd be tears tonight, and not just from trying to pull sand out of places it shouldn't be.

As the wall of sound reached his parents, it was obviously an audible cheer eminating from the north and north-west.

"Bloody Bostopians!" The father yelled. "One bloody World Cup Preview show and the country goes bloody crazy. Drunken bloody oafs!"

"Don't swear in front of the kids dear"

"STFU!" came the reply from the little boy, currently pulling the ice-lolly stick (which had been used for a flagpole on the castle) off of places it shouldn't be stuck to.

"LOL PWNED!" his little sister added, before getting back to crying over the castle.

---The Emperor's Private Chambers (take a left out of the elevator and it's the first door on the right, no not that one that's the bathroom), 5th Floor, Fort Boston Castle, Fort Boston, FB1 1AB, Fort Boston State, East Isle, Bostopia, UFR---

Huzzah! World Cup Football Action!

[Christine] Like, yay?

Emperor Boston looked right, his eyes gazing toward his wife who was sat on the other side of the couch, with their baby in between them.

[Boston] There's something odd about Prince Jenson Maximillian Palmer Boston.

[Christine] Like, must you use his WHOLE name EVERY time? Why not Prince Jenson? Or Prince Boston? The use of middle names are so totally not necessary, though you did have nice use of italics there.

[Boston] I like the full name...no, there's just something odd.

[Christine] He sleeps with his eyes open?

[Boston] Nah, I mean, that's not odd, that's just plain creepy. It's...it's something else...wait, what's he wearing? Oh god. Oh god no.

[Christine] Like, what?

[Boston] IT'S AN OLIVERRIAN NATIONAL TEAM SHIRT! [b]NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Christine] NO! Wait, LIKE NO! My baby! I'll call the psychiatrist, you get the shirt off.

[Boston] My shirt? Not while Prince Jenson Maximillian Palmer Boston's around, geez.

[Christine] Like duh, the baby's shirt.

[Boston] Oh. Right.

And as we leave Fort Boston Castle, the question remains - who put the Oliverry shirt on the Heir to the Bostopian Throne? Why would they commit such a heinous act? And, will they ever be caught? Find out next time on we can't be bothered to do a preview show yet, so here's an attempt at a funny rp!

*After the first press conference, the board met and decided about a location. This second press conference will tell you about it.

As Ryan Robinson enters the press room on AOS headquarters, in Marshalliston, the room is full with press people, but no usual fan, as it was restricted to press only

"Hello everyone. As you may know, l'association has finally decided of the location of the new stadium. At the last press conference about it, I told you about five possible locations for the new stadium. After this, I sent the informations to every member of l'association, so that they could make up their mind. To make the vote equitable, the members from Marshalliston, Pionnier, Saint-François and Kingston could not vote, so that the vote was not rigged in favour of some bad bids simply because the stadium is in our city.

"L'association has chosen that... *unfolds envelope it's in Marshalliston that the stadium will be built, on Avenue Centrale. Many points were given by the members, such as a needed new stadium in Marshalliston, to replace the inadequate Pepsioli Stadium, as well as the need for the national stadium to be in the national capital. The vote needed a clear majority of 50%+1 vote to be accepted. It was held on a turn basis, which eliminated every time the last bid if there was no clear majority. Here are the results of the vote:

1st round

Marshalliston (Centrale): 48%
Pionnier: 31%
Kingston: 10%
Marshalliston (Jean-Charles Renommé): 8%
Saint-François: 3%


2nd round

Marshalliston (Centrale): 50%
Pionnier: 30%
Kingston: 11%
Marshalliston (Jean-Charles Renommé): 9%


3rd round

Marshalliston (Centrale): 58%
Pionnier: 31%
Kingston: 11%


"As you can see, it took 3 rounds for the bid to win, but their support always has been high. We will now allow for entrepreneurs to bid to build the new stadium, with a maquette and everything. We will give them a month to do that. Their proposal will have to respect the initial proposals made by l'association, such as the training fields and the vast parking lots. We'll unveil who will build the stadium in a press conference in two months time from now, after the general assembly finally takes a decision. Thank you everyone!"

"PROJECT COBALT is still active? How the hell can that be? I thought it was destroyed way back in '11 after I had to kill my daughter, Ingrid Hass, after CoH 24. I had to kill my old friend John Werth, and Reggie Hassok to stop that from being released all over the world, and you're telling me, that It's here in Fromburg??" Kyle Cartman (a.k.a RAVEN) yelled at the director of Qazox' M-13.

"Kyle, I know that since Qazox has opened relations around the world 32 years ago, just before World Cup 27, you've been on active duty. You've gone everywhere from Bazalonia to the Dreamed Realm, but lately, you've seemed to bent on revenge, not the missions. As of now, I'm forcing you into retirement." the chairman replied, reaching into his desk for the form

"Retirement? For an Immortal? I've seen things that would scare the shit of God, Joe and every other god over the last 200 years. You know what my wife did to COBALT. I'm the only one that can stop it. Considering I had to kill her too. I'm going after COBALT and you and the rest of M-13 can't stop me. I'm serious. If I see any trace of your surveileance or a shadow that doesn't belong, I swear on my Daughter's grave, that I will take down M-13 single handedly." With that Kyle stormed out of the office.

A few moments after Kyle left the office, the director turned on a hidden switch and a communications array opened on his desk. "Mr. ONE, RAVEN has gone rogue. Level ALPHA quarantine is required, and please keep casulties to mininum this time."

Shock! Host Nation Ceases, Turori Offers Aid

No sooner has a host nation been chosen for World Cup 35, as has one of those nations dropped off the face of known existence. The Lowland Clans, World Cup 31 co-hosts along with neighbors Vilita, and newly elected World Cup 35 hosts, have ceased to exist as a recognized entity by the NationStates body. This stunning new sent a glass shard through the spine of the NationStates World Cup as the new qualifying campaign approaches, and the finals in The Lowland Clans approaching. Some could not believe their eyes, but the proof has now been published from the Atlantian Oceania News Room.

23 hours ago: The Allied States of The Lowland Clans ceased to exist.

Such a stunning turn of event could leave the NationStates World Cup in ruins, but the Island Emirate of Turori is not about to see that happen. The Island Emirate is a close ally of the lone remaining World Cup 35 host, Bazalonia, having bid to host the World Cup on the same ticket as their region-mates on multiple occasions in recent times. The Football Association of Turori (FAT) has just recently refurbished each of their stadiums in preparation for the successful hosting of World Cup 34's Cup of Harmony, with the addition of one new stadium on the way.

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/coti.gif



The FAT President has sent an official letter of support to the Bazalonian Football Association, with includes a detailed plan of assistance should the Island Emirate be called upon to replace The Lowlands Clan as World Cup 35 co-hosts. The facilities are ready to go and the infrastructure is as strong as ever, while the mythical Coliseum of the Inurahtii is due to pass its final redevelopment inspections midway through the qualifying campaign.

More news as it develops from Atlantian Oceania.


http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turbot.gif

Jeruselem Government News

"Don't panic" says Dazza Dallas

One of the assigned hosts World Cup 35, The Lowland Clans, has disappeared off the face of the universe. This means we can't have a World Cup 35 since there's only one host left - Bazalonia.

Jeruselem FA spokesperson and current Jeruselem says there will be a World Cup 35, as these things have happened before. Hosts have gone missing and a good replacement has been found before and Dazza says the World CUp has handled this sitation before.

Due to the chaos, Dazza has temporarily suspended World Cup training and allowed clubs to use Jeruselem players until a new host has been chosen or the missing host is located.

[Parriff] And now, with news on Bostopia’s team before World Cup Qualification kicks off, here’s Kelly Firth.

[Firth] Thanks, Jamie. Yes, I’m Kelly Firth, and I’m in my hometown of Fenton, in Fenton State! The FA have today announced that two friendlies have been organised, both away from home. Now, before you get disappointed that the team won’t be coming to a stadium near you, there’s always the World Cup Qualifiers themselves, but be warned, tickets are going FAST, before our opponents have even been announced.

Of course, you’d like to know where we’re playing. The first game will be in the Hatire Memorial Stadium, in Capri, a city on an island off the coast of ESF. Yes, Bostopia will again be playing our good friends in the ESF, the FA commented that “It wouldn’t be a World Cup without playing ESF – we give each other a good challenge, we ask questions of their ability and they ask questions of ours.” And of course, for the people of Fenton State and Teriff State, this will allow them to stay in their natural form, no matter which country they’re in.

The second game will be held in a nation that many of our younger males will appreciate greatly. That’s right, Dazza Dallas’ Jeruselem will be hosting Bostopia in our second friendly. Of course, we played Jeruselem in World Cup 33 Qualifying, losing both games 1 – 0. While we would of course like to make our goal difference against Jeruselem better than the -2 it currently is, we are playing one of the best teams in the world, so expectations won’t be too high, other than a good performance from our players.

Speaking of Ms.Dallas, she recently launched a line celebrating Jeruselem’s centenary of entering the World Cup. I’ve already heard that some fans are planning to fly into Jeruselem with an empty suitcase, along with one or two with clothes in – apart from those who don’t wear clothes - so that they can fill the empty suitcase full of merchandise that wouldn’t otherwise be available in Bostopia.

Of course, with Ms.Dallas featured on some of the banknotes, some will be buying money they don’t plan to spend.

And with that, Jamie, it’s back to you in the studio.

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/FAWA%20Logo.jpg
Argumentative Muhammad Defends Himself At Press Conference

http://www.cbc.ca/gfx/pix/qanooni_yunus_cp_9756820.jpg
Khuhekhezal Muhammad, the West Afghan national team manager, spoke with the press earlier today

"I'm not a criminal. I did what I had to do to defend my players and my team, and I don't regret it."

Khuhekhezal Muhammad was suspended for five top-level matches following his actions at Frosty Hollow in a match against the Non RPing n00b in Errinundera. When several n00b players attempted to force Muhammad Ramat Muhammad (a left midfielder) to consome a pork chop, Khuhekhezal Muhammad tossed the contents of a flask in the opposing players' eyes. It was later discovered that the liquid was Kentish cider, which, as an alcoholic beverage, is illegal in both Errinundera and Western Afghanistan.

"I may not be a particularly religious fellow per se, but I don't tolerate insults to the honor of this great game. If I have to attend a World Cup qualifier with a bottle of cider in my pocket again, I will.

"I have the utmost confidence in my team, and I have the utmost confidence in the FAWA. I'm not worried about losing my job, because I think everyone in Western Afghanistan knows why I did what I did.

"We're looking forward to the draw, and we are sincerely hoping we can make some heads turn worldwide."

TSW To Return

After a recent upsurge in support of soccer after the success of the last two World Cup efforts under former player and now Coach Jay Masterson, the Tynelian Sports Network has announced the return of their most popular soccer show, Tynelian Soccer Weekly. This show once offered the most complete pre and post game analysis of every Tynelian international match and has made celebrities out of several of the anchorpeople.

Harmonie Harris, now Harmonie Masterson, once caused a national state of emergency in the land of the Kazoo peoples after her mispronounciation of their native kazooian tongue led natives to believe the world was coming to an end. More recently and more positively co-anchor and former field reporter Dana Lee earned a job in Schiavonia after her uncanny ability to accurately call the results of every single one of Schiavonia's matches. Once the original run of TSW ended she took the Schiavonian job.

Network executives have yet to announce who will be hosting the show as several names including former coach Adam Billington, former player and sportscaster Troy Wallace, stats expert Melodie Harris- sister of Harmonie, 'Sports Today' host Bill Jones and 'Coach Chat' hostess Gina Gibbons. Final announcements are expected to me made soon.

Up until now the Bazalonians had been eerily quiet about the "dissappearance" of The Lowland Clans. A press conference with Andrew Coulter, president of the BFSA and James Gaines, President of the World Cup.

"Rumours of the the Clan demise has been wildly exaggeratted, The Lowland Clans is back as it was before."

9 minutes ago: The Allied States of The Lowland Clans arrived from Lazarus.


"And as such I can't see any reason for the World Cup to not continue as originally had been planned." said James Gaines ", I'll pass you over to Andrew Coulter, President of the BFSA to answer your questions in more detail. Andrew."

"Thanks James, Any questions?"

"Yes, Did you ever doubt that this... event... would be permanent?"

"Well, it wasn't as dramatic as you make it seem, For reasons yet unknown the nation to all purposes seemed to not exist, any communications ended up in the nether. Going nowhere however, this was not truly the case. We don't know how or why but from reports from inside the Clans the nation never actually ceased and seemed to be in a region of ceased nations."

"This was only temporary, however this has a caused a minor breakdown of communications, but that is being dealt with as we speak and we don't see it as affecting the hosting capabilities of the Lowland Clans but some civilian and commercial communications will still be affected. We can't quite say the full extent of this yet, but be assured the WC35 will still be co-hosted by the BFSA and the FFLC."

"Another other questions?"
there were alot more questions some they could answer some could not but in the end they had done what had set out to do, resolve the problem. but there was one final comment that Andrew had made.

"I would like to say my appreciation to the FAT, for offering to join with the BFSA to host the WC35, I look to the future where a Baztur bid will be successful."

And with that the conference had ended.

The Draw has been done and has been edited into the first Post

Pre-WC Friendlies:

Bazalonia 1 - Az-cz 1
Elves Security Forces 4 - Bostopia 2
Jeruselem 4 - Bostopia 2

Schedule:
Group 1
Errinundera vs. Qazox
Kiryu-shi vs. Tolvarus
Delesa vs. Wentland

Group 2
Swilatia vs. Cafundeu
Patusan vs. Western Afghanistan
Fmjpheonix vs. Az-cz

Group 3
Spruitland vs. Kampfers
Vilita vs. Atheistic Right
The Non-RPing n00b vs. Milchama

Group 4
Commerce Heights JSY vs. Jaredcohenia
Ariddia vs. Green Wombat
Kristovenia vs. Tynelia

Group 5
Lovisa vs. Oliverry
Rossglass vs. Abu Omar
Jeruselem vs. Ropa-Topia

Group 6
Geisenfried vs. Capitalizt Slani
Jariss vs. Jeru FC
Fort Europe vs. Turruth Gordur

Group 7
Suze-la-Rousse vs. Kuosio
Bushes Been Quaked vs. Schiavonia
Northern Bettia vs. Yafor 2

Group 8
Cravan vs. Unknown Suburbia
Turori vs. Acapais
The Islands of Qutar vs. Squornshelous

Group 9
Bettia vs. Sativaville
Quakmybush vs. Bostopia
Daughrty vs. United Island Empires

Group 10
Cookesland vs. Cataduanes
Willink vs. Demot
Sel Appa vs. The HURD

Group 11
Estresse Intenso vs. Veitau
The Archregimancy vs. Alasdair I Frosticus
Assegai Developments vs. Clesmire

Group 12
Elves Security Forces vs. St Samuel
Zwangzug vs. Keyne Island
Rejistania vs. Ulzaxid
Group 1
Qazox vs. Wentland
Errinundera vs. Kiryu-shi
Tolvarus vs. Delesa

Group 2
Cafundeu vs. Az-cz
Swilatia vs. Patusan
Western Afghanistan vs. Fmjpheonix

Group 3
Kampfers vs. Milchama
Spruitland vs. Vilita
Atheistic Right vs. The Non-RPing n00b

Group 4
Jaredcohenia vs. Tynelia
Commerce Heights JSY vs. Ariddia
Green Wombat vs. Kristovenia

Group 5
Oliverry vs. Ropa-Topia
Lovisa vs. Rossglass
Abu Omar vs. Jeruselem

Group 6
Capitalizt Slani vs. Turruth Gordur
Geisenfried vs. Jariss
Jeru FC vs. Fort Europe

Group 7
Kuosio vs. Yafor 2
Suze-la-Rousse vs. Bushes Been Quaked
Schiavonia vs. Northern Bettia

Group 8
Unknown Suburbia vs. Squornshelous
Cravan vs. Turori
Acapais vs. The Islands of Qutar

Group 9
Sativaville vs. United Island Empires
Bettia vs. Quakmybush
Bostopia vs. Daughrty

Group 10
Cataduanes vs. The HURD
Cookesland vs. Willink
Demot vs. Sel Appa

Group 11
Veitau vs. Clesmire
Estresse Intenso vs. The Archregimancy
Alasdair I Frosticus vs. Assegai Developments

Group 12
St Samuel vs. Ulzaxid
Elves Security Forces vs. Zwangzug
Keyne Island vs. Rejistania

Group 1
Tolvarus vs. Qazox
Kiryu-shi vs. Delesa
Errinundera vs. Wentland

Group 2
Western Afghanistan vs. Cafundeu
Patusan vs. Fmjpheonix
Swilatia vs. Az-cz

Group 3
Atheistic Right vs. Kampfers
Vilita vs. The Non-RPing n00b
Spruitland vs. Milchama

Group 4
Green Wombat vs. Jaredcohenia
Ariddia vs. Kristovenia
Commerce Heights JSY vs. Tynelia

Group 5
Abu Omar vs. Oliverry
Rossglass vs. Jeruselem
Lovisa vs. Ropa-Topia

Group 6
Jeru FC vs. Capitalizt Slani
Jariss vs. Fort Europe
Geisenfried vs. Turruth Gordur

Group 7
Schiavonia vs. Kuosio
Bushes Been Quaked vs. Northern Bettia
Suze-la-Rousse vs. Yafor 2

Group 8
Acapais vs. Unknown Suburbia
Turori vs. The Islands of Qutar
Cravan vs. Squornshelous

Group 9
Bostopia vs. Sativaville
Quakmybush vs. Daughrty
Bettia vs. United Island Empires

Group 10
Demot vs. Cataduanes
Willink vs. Sel Appa
Cookesland vs. The HURD

Group 11
Alasdair I Frosticus vs. Veitau
The Archregimancy vs. Assegai Developments
Estresse Intenso vs. Clesmire

Group 12
Keyne Island vs. St Samuel
Zwangzug vs. Rejistania
Elves Security Forces vs. Ulzaxid
Group 1
Qazox vs. Kiryu-shi
Wentland vs. Tolvarus
Errinundera vs. Delesa

Group 2
Cafundeu vs. Patusan
Az-cz vs. Western Afghanistan
Swilatia vs. Fmjpheonix

Group 3
Kampfers vs. Vilita
Milchama vs. Atheistic Right
Spruitland vs. The Non-RPing n00b

Group 4
Jaredcohenia vs. Ariddia
Tynelia vs. Green Wombat
Commerce Heights JSY vs. Kristovenia

Group 5
Oliverry vs. Rossglass
Ropa-Topia vs. Abu Omar
Lovisa vs. Jeruselem

Group 6
Capitalizt Slani vs. Jariss
Turruth Gordur vs. Jeru FC
Geisenfried vs. Fort Europe

Group 7
Kuosio vs. Bushes Been Quaked
Yafor 2 vs. Schiavonia
Suze-la-Rousse vs. Northern Bettia

Group 8
Unknown Suburbia vs. Turori
Squornshelous vs. Acapais
Cravan vs. The Islands of Qutar

Group 9
Sativaville vs. Quakmybush
United Island Empires vs. Bostopia
Bettia vs. Daughrty

Group 10
Cataduanes vs. Willink
The HURD vs. Demot
Cookesland vs. Sel Appa

Group 11
Veitau vs. The Archregimancy
Clesmire vs. Alasdair I Frosticus
Estresse Intenso vs. Assegai Developments

Group 12
St Samuel vs. Zwangzug
Ulzaxid vs. Keyne Island
Elves Security Forces vs. Rejistania
Group 1
Delesa vs. Qazox
Kiryu-shi vs. Wentland
Errinundera vs. Tolvarus

Group 2
Fmjpheonix vs. Cafundeu
Patusan vs. Az-cz
Swilatia vs. Western Afghanistan

Group 3
The Non-RPing n00b vs. Kampfers
Vilita vs. Milchama
Spruitland vs. Atheistic Right

Group 4
Kristovenia vs. Jaredcohenia
Ariddia vs. Tynelia
Commerce Heights JSY vs. Green Wombat

Group 5
Jeruselem vs. Oliverry
Rossglass vs. Ropa-Topia
Lovisa vs. Abu Omar

Group 6
Fort Europe vs. Capitalizt Slani
Jariss vs. Turruth Gordur
Geisenfried vs. Jeru FC

Group 7
Northern Bettia vs. Kuosio
Bushes Been Quaked vs. Yafor 2
Suze-la-Rousse vs. Schiavonia

Group 8
The Islands of Qutar vs. Unknown Suburbia
Turori vs. Squornshelous
Cravan vs. Acapais

Group 9
Daughrty vs. Sativaville
Quakmybush vs. United Island Empires
Bettia vs. Bostopia

Group 10
Sel Appa vs. Cataduanes
Willink vs. The HURD
Cookesland vs. Demot

Group 11
Assegai Developments vs. Veitau
The Archregimancy vs. Clesmire
Estresse Intenso vs. Alasdair I Frosticus

Group 12
Rejistania vs. St Samuel
Zwangzug vs. Ulzaxid
Elves Security Forces vs. Keyne Island
Group 1
Qazox vs. Errinundera
Tolvarus vs. Kiryu-shi
Wentland vs. Delesa

Group 2
Cafundeu vs. Swilatia
Western Afghanistan vs. Patusan
Az-cz vs. Fmjpheonix

Group 3
Kampfers vs. Spruitland
Atheistic Right vs. Vilita
Milchama vs. The Non-RPing n00b

Group 4
Jaredcohenia vs. Commerce Heights JSY
Green Wombat vs. Ariddia
Tynelia vs. Kristovenia

Group 5
Oliverry vs. Lovisa
Abu Omar vs. Rossglass
Ropa-Topia vs. Jeruselem

Group 6
Capitalizt Slani vs. Geisenfried
Jeru FC vs. Jariss
Turruth Gordur vs. Fort Europe

Group 7
Kuosio vs. Suze-la-Rousse
Schiavonia vs. Bushes Been Quaked
Yafor 2 vs. Northern Bettia

Group 8
Unknown Suburbia vs. Cravan
Acapais vs. Turori
Squornshelous vs. The Islands of Qutar

Group 9
Sativaville vs. Bettia
Bostopia vs. Quakmybush
United Island Empires vs. Daughrty

Group 10
Cataduanes vs. Cookesland
Demot vs. Willink
The HURD vs. Sel Appa

Group 11
Veitau vs. Estresse Intenso
Alasdair I Frosticus vs. The Archregimancy
Clesmire vs. Assegai Developments

Group 12
St Samuel vs. Elves Security Forces
Keyne Island vs. Zwangzug
Ulzaxid vs. Rejistania
Group 1
Wentland vs. Qazox
Kiryu-shi vs. Errinundera
Delesa vs. Tolvarus

Group 2
Az-cz vs. Cafundeu
Patusan vs. Swilatia
Fmjpheonix vs. Western Afghanistan

Group 3
Milchama vs. Kampfers
Vilita vs. Spruitland
The Non-RPing n00b vs. Atheistic Right

Group 4
Tynelia vs. Jaredcohenia
Ariddia vs. Commerce Heights JSY
Kristovenia vs. Green Wombat

Group 5
Ropa-Topia vs. Oliverry
Rossglass vs. Lovisa
Jeruselem vs. Abu Omar

Group 6
Turruth Gordur vs. Capitalizt Slani
Jariss vs. Geisenfried
Fort Europe vs. Jeru FC

Group 7
Yafor 2 vs. Kuosio
Bushes Been Quaked vs. Suze-la-Rousse
Northern Bettia vs. Schiavonia

Group 8
Squornshelous vs. Unknown Suburbia
Turori vs. Cravan
The Islands of Qutar vs. Acapais

Group 9
United Island Empires vs. Sativaville
Quakmybush vs. Bettia
Daughrty vs. Bostopia

Group 10
The HURD vs. Cataduanes
Willink vs. Cookesland
Sel Appa vs. Demot

Group 11
Clesmire vs. Veitau
The Archregimancy vs. Estresse Intenso
Assegai Developments vs. Alasdair I Frosticus

Group 12
Ulzaxid vs. St Samuel
Zwangzu vs. Elves Security Forces
Rejistania vs. Keyne Island
Group 1
Qazox vs. Tolvarus
Delesa vs. Kiryu-shi
Wentland vs. Errinundera

Group 2
Cafundeu vs. Western Afghanistan
Fmjpheonix vs. Patusan
Az-cz vs. Swilatia

Group 3
Kampfers vs. Atheistic Right
The Non-RPing n00b vs. Vilita
Milchama vs. Spruitland

Group 4
Jaredcohenia vs. Green Wombat
Kristovenia vs. Ariddia
Tynelia vs. Commerce Heights JSY

Group 5
Oliverry vs. Abu Omar
Jeruselem vs. Rossglass
Ropa-Topia vs. Lovisa

Group 6
Capitalizt Slani vs. Jeru FC
Fort Europe vs. Jariss
Turruth Gordur vs. Geisenfried

Group 7
Kuosio vs. Schiavonia
Northern Bettia vs. Bushes Been Quaked
Yafor 2 vs. Suze-la-Rousse

Group 8
Unknown Suburbia vs. Acapais
The Islands of Qutar vs. Turori
Squornshelous vs. Cravan

Group 9
Sativaville vs. Bostopia
Daughrty vs. Quakmybush
United Island Empires vs. Bettia

Group 10
Cataduanes vs. Demot
Sel Appa vs. Willink
The HURD vs. Cookesland

Group 11
Veitau vs. Alasdair I Frosticus
Assegai Developments vs. The Archregimancy
Clesmire vs. Estresse Intenso

Group 12
St Samuel vs. Keyne Island
Rejistania vs. Zwangzug
Ulzaxid vs. Elves Security Forces
Group 1
Kiryu-shi vs. Qazox
Tolvarus vs. Wentland
Delesa vs. Errinundera

Group 2
Patusan vs. Cafundeu
Western Afghanistan vs. Az-cz
Fmjpheonix vs. Swilatia

Group 3
Vilita vs. Kampfers
Atheistic Right vs. Milchama
The Non-RPing n00b vs. Spruitland

Group 4
Ariddia vs. Jaredcohenia
Green Wombat vs. Tynelia
Kristovenia vs. Commerce Heights JSY

Group 5
Rossglass vs. Oliverry
Abu Omar vs. Ropa-Topia
Jeruselem vs. Lovisa

Group 6
Jariss vs. Capitalizt Slani
Jeru FC vs. Turruth Gordur
Fort Europe vs. Geisenfried

Group 7
Bushes Been Quaked vs. Kuosio
Schiavonia vs. Yafor 2
Northern Bettia vs. Suze-la-Rousse

Group 8
Turori vs. Unknown Suburbia
Acapais vs. Squornshelous
The Islands of Qutar vs. Cravan

Group 9
Quakmybush vs. Sativaville
Bostopia vs. United Island Empires
Daughrty vs. Bettia

Group 10
Willink vs. Cataduanes
Demot vs. The HURD
Sel Appa vs. Cookesland

Group 11
The Archregimancy vs. Veitau
Alasdair I Frosticus vs. Clesmire
Assegai Developments vs. Estresse Intenso

Group 12
Zwangzug vs. St Samuel
Keyne Island vs. Ulzaxid
Rejistania vs. Elves Security Forces
Group 1
Qazox vs. Delesa
Wentland vs. Kiryu-shi
Tolvarus vs. Errinundera

Group 2
Cafundeu vs. Fmjpheonix
Az-cz vs. Patusan
Western Afghanistan vs. Swilatia

Group 3
Kampfers vs. The Non-RPing n00b
Milchama vs. Vilita
Atheistic Right vs. Spruitland

Group 4
Jaredcohenia vs. Kristovenia
Tynelia vs. Ariddia
Green Wombat vs. Commerce Heights JSY

Group 5
Oliverry vs. Jeruselem
Ropa-Topia vs. Rossglass
Abu Omar vs. Lovisa

Group 6
Capitalizt Slani vs. Fort Europe
Turruth Gordur vs. Jariss
Jeru FC vs. Geisenfried

Group 7
Kuosio vs. Northern Bettia
Yafor 2 vs. Bushes Been Quaked
Schiavonia vs. Suze-la-Rousse

Group 8
Unknown Suburbia vs. The Islands of Qutar
Squornshelous vs. Turori
Acapais vs. Cravan

Group 9
Sativaville vs. Daughrty
United Island Empires vs. Quakmybush
Bostopia vs. Bettia

Group 10
Cataduanes vs. Sel Appa
The HURD vs. Willink
Demot vs. Cookesland

Group 11
Veitau vs. Assegai Developments
Clesmire vs. The Archregimancy
Alasdair I Frosticus vs. Estresse Intenso

Group 12
St Samuel vs. Rejistania
Ulzaxid vs. Zwangzug
Keyne Island vs. Elves Security Forces

[ooc - yes, the roster will go into the roster thread too; and do please read the Professor in a bad German accent]

WORLD CUP SPECIAL

THE HOLY EMPIRE WC35 SQUAD


"Hi! I'm Basil!"

"And I'm Theo! And we're back for yet another World Cup. God knows some people are probably sick and tired of us, but, well.... secretly they know that a World Cup without us would be a bit like Dazza Dallas without a sexually transmitted disease."

"On today's show, in conjunction with HEFA, we're unveiling the new Imperial Squad live on air."

"That's right, Basil, and after the success of reaching the quarterfinals as co-hosts in World Cup 34, hopes are high for this cup's squad."

"I'd say so, Theo - even with coach Juan Tzimisces skipping over to the Archregimancy, we should be able to bring back some of the established players to move on to the next level. We're now officially the oldest active nation never to have made the final - or the semi-final, for that matter - so we're really hoping for more this time around."

"So with no further ado, let's introduce - straight from HEFA - Professor Theodore Vonmadscientisto! Greetings professor."

"Greetings unto you, Basil. Und you, Theo."

"So, we're all waiting for the news.... who's on the squad... Is Curcuaso back? Tzimisces Jr.? Has Prodomoso done enough to keep his place in goal?"

"Ah. Nein. You see, ve haff decided on the completely different approach this Cup, ja? Using the advanced oneirological technology, ve haff melded the bodies of professional footballers vith the minds and the attitudes of many famous people of other realities, ja. Dass is eine gutt approach, nein?"

<for one, Basil and Theo are themselves stunned into total silence>

"Are you mad?"

"Aha, aha, aha. Vell, perhaps the surname of mine, it helps gives the clue, ja? Anyvay, ve haff decided on a starting eleven, and I vill do the revealing for you now. My varped little hunchback assistant Iago vill do the reading of the names.....

"Thank you, master. I live to serve you.

The Forwards:

Morton Peto Betts - scorer of the only goal in Wanderer's 1-0 victory over the Royal Engineers in the first FA Cup final in 1872.

Alan Belmore - In 124 matches over 25 years he scored 87 goals clocking up 37% of the Belmore Family's total from World Cup 5 to World Cup 13.

The Midfield:

Ernesto 'Che' Guevara - Internationally famous left-winger well known for his radical - dare we say revolutionary - approach.

Socrates - Chain-smoking left-of centre Brazilian doctor - and captain of Brazil's 1982 and 1986 squads. Was a somewhat controversial inclusion as he is in fact still alive in his reality.

Juan Tzimisces - Recreated in his prime, c. World Cups 2-3. It wouldn't be a Holy Empire team without him.

Socrates - Athenian international whose classical style often asks searching questions of the opposing defence.

Urk - Giant Zucchini legend and the greatest sentient vegetable in the history of the NationStates World Cup.

The Defence:

Robert Nesta Marley - Loose-limbed Jamaican left-back who plays to his own distinctive rhythm.

Ludwig Wittgenstein - Philosophical central defender whose constant inquiry into the interpretation of the rules often frustrates referees.

Basil II 'The Bulgar-Slayer' - Imperious Byzantine defender whose uncompromising approach often intimidates his opponents - who can forget his 10th-century annihilation of the Bulgarian national side?

In Goal:

An Egg - Quirky World Cup legend whose brittleness is some concern. As is the sheer idiocy of placing a small inanimate object in goal. Still, his yolky goodness should provide a healthy half-time snack once the first opposing free kick breaks his shell.

Substitutes:

Goal: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - Portsmouth FC's occasional late 19th-century goalkeeper can deduce the cause of the most intractable goal. Will almost always replace An Egg in the first 5 minutes of the match given the latter's fragility.

Midfield/Defence: Fridjof Nansen - Norwegian Humanitarian who often explores new ground on the field of play.

Forward: St. Alexander Nevsky - Master Tactician who single-handedly destroyed the Prussian defence at Lake Peipus in 1242AD despite the appalling conditions."

"That's it? That's the team? Are you insane?"

"Quite possibly, Theo. But vatever you think, it should make for a most entertaining Vorld Cup, nein?"

"'Entertaining' isn't quite the adjective I had in mind...."

Two women are standing with the tune "Things that make you go mmmm" by C+C Music Factory playing in the background. The younger one is wearing the new "Jeruselem World Cup Centenary" T-shirt with shorts and the sluttier looking one is wearing the new cheerleader uniform.

Dinkie: Hello! This is THE FOOTBALL LIFE, I'm Dinkie Dosha and that's Dazza Dallas. I'm just a football player, she's the coach.
Dazza: The World Cup 35, Jeruselem's 25th cup and 100 years of World Cupping. I'm sure you've seen a new advertisements on TV by now.
Dinkie: And let's hope this one is really special, for us anyway.
Dazza: We've got our qualifying group here!

Dinkie: Yes, it's getting exciting. We find out who's going try to block our way into the finals again. As exciting as Dazza Dallas, Kelly Firth and Isla Blige in the same hottub.
Dazza: OK, Dinkie exaggerated a little there but it it still exciting.
Dinkie: First team is well us. That's what you'd expect, but we are ranked only 11th now. Oh Jeruselem have made the finals of World Cup since World Cup 22 without interruption.
Dazza: And made it past the 2nd round twice, in World Cup 30 or XXX and in 32 where we made the final. So here's our group

<Following appears on screen>

Group 5
Oliverry (16)
Rossglass (126)
Ropa-Topia (38)
Jeruselem (11)
Abu Omar (123)
Lovisa (71)

Dinkie: As you see, Jeruselem are lumped in the team which knocked us out of the last world cup. Oliverry, the Frenchies!
Dazza: Oh yes, but I'm half French anyway. This time, we're going to take initiative and make sure they know where they stand.
Dinkie: Is that why you have trouble saying no?
Dazza: Yeah. Me being half-French does not mean I'm going to be nice to them on the field. We aim to top this group.

Dinkie: The next rival team will be Ropa-Topia, a good team indeed. They can make the top two of Group 5.
Dazza: The dark horse with a name from Az-cz! We can't underestimate this team at all.
Dinkie: We have Lovisa, a well known team rebuilding.
Dazza: Yes, Lovisa are still around they are not the team they used to be.

Dinkie: Rossglass?
Dazza: No idea ...
Dinkiie: Abu Omar?
Dazza: Camel racing? That's all I know about them.

Dinkie: Yes, it's obvious the top 3 in this group will be made from Jeruselem, Oliverry and Ropa-topia. The order - well as I said earlier but you never know with football.
Dazza: Now, Bettia - they are in Group 9. Bettia will have their hands full with Sativaville, Quakmybush, Bostopia and United Island Empires as well as Daughrty. Now, that's a hard group I think.
Dinkie: Yes indeed. A lot of familar faces in that group and the nice people from Bostopia like Kelly Firth!
Dazza: Nice girl!

Dinkie: That's because you two don't like wearing clothes in public.
Dazza: I'm dressed! (smiling)
Dinkie: Barely, it's cheerleader dress. Actually, not many women your age can wear one so well.
Dazza: Once a cheerleader, always a cheerleader.

Dinkie: Oh, if people were wondering about what's going on here - it was the Jeruselem vs Bostopia friendly. Kelly Firth is around here somewhere ...
Dazza: That crowd of men around a naked woman?
Dinkie: Makes sense. You joining her?
Dazza: What makes you think Dazza will try to out do Kelly Firth?

Dinkie: Because, she's hogging all the attention.
Dazza: Err, she is indeed! Actually, I have an interview with Kelly Firth later. I am the coach of Jeruselem.
Dinkie: A lot underclothed people here too, Bostopians is my guess.
Dazza: I don't know, a lot Jeruselemites are the same.

Dinkie: Oh yes, we beat Bostopia FOUR - TWO! So the Jeruselem team have started well.
Dazza: Yes, our new attacking format is working. More goals.
Dinkie: I didn't get a goal though.
Dazza: Tripping over yourself doesn't help Dinkie. I have to talk to Kelly Firth now! I've leaving my clothes on. I don't want to kill people with bad hearts with two naked women on TV. Oh, and Kelly Firth's interview with moi will be shown on JGN tonight. We don't be covering up Kelly Firth so be warned.

The trip for the Gnomes to Bazalonia was a short one. They where only across the straight from each other to another game. The friendly sporting rivalry that the two nations shared seemed to endear the hearts of Bazalonians to the Gnomes, despite their lax view on public morality.

We now bring you to TeleBaz Live... for the match.

"Welcome to TeleBaz Stadium where the soccer friendly between the Bazalonian Bazalopes and the Az-cz Robbers is under-way. It's the 35th minute and neither team has yet to score. Hopes for this match was a high scoring affair between the two soccer powers however both teams defense has held strong despite a few scares for the Bazalonians, particularily when a last minute injury before the match had to see Arianna retire from the match before it starts, Daniel McKade took her place. In addition a number of close calls for Bazalonia as Daniel McKade accidently fouled El-Iot in the goal circle, McKade unused to playing against non-human opponents accidently knocked El-Iot over, after which he immediately and pro-fusely apologised for the mistake. This lead to a penalty shot which just clipped the goal posts and collected by the goalie before a second scoring opportunity was made."

On field now Everret Kang has made a thrust into enemy territory, well outside the goal circle, the gnomish defense is still solid. He hasn't any opportunities to go past through the defense... And it's a long shot, and ... he made it. A fluke long shot from Everret Kang despite general Az-cz dominance on field has given Bazalonia a 1-nil lead against the Robbers. The crowd is in a state of excitment as the half-gnomish and half-Bazalonian crowd react to the goal... And yes, oh an here is Everret's trademark Worm Celebration. The feeling is electric, as yet the match that has no bearing on the world cup. The team has just celebrated as if they won the final. The match is not over yet. the gnomes still have 54 minutes to score a goal to equalise."

Bazalonia: 1 (36" Kang)
Az-cz: 1 (68" Fe-Do)

Kyle Cartmen picke dup the newspaper he just bought and flipped right to the sport section and appeared to read, as he kept an eye on the man following him.


WORLD CUP DRAW ANNOUNCED
Qazox has been drawn into Group 1 with Wentland and Errinundera, two highly ranked squads. Other teams in the group include Kiryu-shi, Delsea and newcomers, Tolvarus. The top two teams from each group will advance to the World Cup while the 3rd place squads will play for the remaining spots.

Group 1
Qazox
Kiryu-shi
Wentland
Delesa
Tolvarus
Errinundera

SCHEDULE:

MD 1: @ Errinundera
MD 2: vs. Wentland
MD 3: @ Tolvarus
MD 4: vs. Kiryu-shi
MD 5: @ Delesa
MD 6: vs. Errinundera
MD 7: @ Wentland
MD 8: vs. Tolvarus
MD 9: @ Kiryu-shi
MD 10: vs. Delesa
As Kyle continued to read about Qazox' chances to qualify, the person he was watching closed in, but as usual Kyle was ready for him.

"So Mr. ONE, they sent you after me?" Kyle asked.

"Kyle, I got to man, I know about COBALT, and we need it." ONE replied.

"Not as much as I do." Said Kyle, pulling his knife from One's heart. "Sorry freind, but I have to do what I have to do."

Kyle wiped the knife on the newspaper and placed the paper on his friend and walked away.

New stadium ready for action!

(Translated into English from the TéléOli's Télénouvelles report from 29th July 2041)
By: Jean-Marc Dubuc

Today was a very great day, as l'Association Oliverrienne de Soccer, the regulating body for the sport of soccer for Oliverry, unveiled their new stadium, to be ready to use for the first World Cup Qualification match against Lovisa. Ryan Robinson, the president of the association, cut the ribbon today for the brand new stadium, which cost, in all and for all, Ø436,000,000 to the Oliverrian government. Asked about why it cost so much the Robinson answered: "These 436 million Oliver Dollars will benefit the nation, I'm telling you. A 150,000 places stadium is not free and I'm sure the usual Oliverrian citizen will understand why we built such a stadium."

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v338/Oli55/logoAOS.png
AOS's logo

So, as Mr. Robinson said, the new stadium is a 150,000 seats state-of-the-art stadium. All 200 stands for food and beverages are already sold to food companies. There are 30 washrooms for each gender. If needed, there are also more than 500 punching bags all around the stadium, so that frustrated people who want to hit things don't feel the need to hit someone else or to invade the field. Now, on the stadium. This stadium has lots of place to park, so no car will have to park in the streets. Marshalliston also announced that, for the first six months, parking will be free, then, it will cost about 10 Oliver Dollars to park each time or a Ø250 pass valid for a year. Outside it, two practicing fields were installed and are free for everyone to use, when the national team isn't using them, of course. Each of these fields will be able to welcome about 1000 people for games and practices, if needed, as stands have been placed on the side of each field.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v338/Oli55/Teleolitelenouvellesnewstad.jpg
Live screenshot of the news report on TéléOli showing a night shot of the stadium

So, to conclude, it seems that Oliverrian soccer is saved for the next 25 years with this brand new stadium. As announced in front of the stadium by Mr. Robinson: "I sincerely hope that this stadium will give a boost to the sport of soccer in the nation. We've done our part to attract people to this, it's now to the people who are discovering this sport to decide if they want to join the association as a player or as anything else."

OOC: COM stands for the United Capitalizt States government's share and PSO stands for Pepsioli's share ;)

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/FAWA%20Logo.jpg
Atrociously Difficult Draw Makes For Soggy Spirits In Western Afghanistan

We were interviewing a young man waiting in line at the Herat International Airport this morning. We wanted to talk to him about football, but we thought we should start with a more mundane subject first.

When we (that is, the mysterious field reporters for the Football Association of Western Afghanistan) brought up the weather, he smiled awkwardly, but agreed that yes, it was indeed, hot. Inquiring about the newspaper in his hand, and asking how the stock markets were doing, he was happy to give us a quick rundown.

Having shmoozed him enough, it was time to get down to the guts of the interview. When we asked the young man very specifically if he cared much for football, his exact response was:

"Not much. Most of the time I'm quite busy on the weekend, so I can't pick up the matches."

We prompty told the young man who the Western Afghanistan national team would be facing in their first-ever World Cup qualifying group: Cafundeu, Fmjphoenix, and 3rd-ranked Az-cz.

The young man had a seizure after hearing this, and was rushed to the hospital.

http://www.cbc.ca/gfx/pix/qanooni_yunus_cp_9756820.jpg

Sorkh-o-siahe manager Khuhekhezal Muhammad held a press conference shortly after the draw was announced.

"Angry? No, why would I be angry?" muttered Muhammad, who many suspected was for some reason wearing the exact same clothing and facial expression as the last interview he conducted. "That's chance for you, right there. I remember the year after my first Columns' unbeaten season we knew there was one team we didn't want to draw in the West Afghan Cup, Pesarast Xanto, because they'd just picked up Yaser Temorian in the transfer window. Who did we draw? Pesarast Xanto. Who knocked us out in the round of 32? Pesarast Xanto. That's just what happens. And as it happens, we've got Cafundeu, Fmjphoenix, and Az-cz, all ranked in the top 30, and if you want to know, I'm concerned we'll drop points against Swilatia and Patusan as well; they won't roll over for us.

"As far as this upcoming match agaisnt Patusan is concerned, this may very well be our only chance to win an away match in this group. We have a great deal of respect for them; they are a fellow Moslem nation, but I also think we can find holes in their defense. We'll be going for it."

It is indeed generally expected that Az-cz and Cafundeu will take the two automatic spots, with Fmjphoenix nicking the third place spot for a playoff. Western Afghanistan's stunning offensive display in the Baptism of Frost will have to bleed over (and likely be magnified some) into qualifier play for the Sorkh-o-siahe to make a World Cup 35 appearance.

Upcoming Match:
Patusan - Western Afghanistan
Lineup: Fahifa; Inu, Ruburirin, and Zuneh; Qer, M.Z. Muhammad, Huzish, Hirir, and M.R. Muhammad; Afi and Rushufi
Referee: Sonia Sögard (Ariddia)


MD OPPONENT RESULT
1 at Patusan
2 at Fmjphoenix
3 at Cafundeu
4 at Az-cz
5 SWILATIA
REST DAY
6 PATUSAN
7 FMJPHOENIX
8 CAFUNDEU
9 AZ-CZ
10 at Swilatia

"Right in 3" and varitions of was in the newspapers and media outlets all over Atheistic Right today as the group draw of the world cup was announced, Atheistic Right was 4th out of 6. With Kampfers and the non-RPing n00b, whatever those are filling out 5th and 6th spots


5 - Kampfers (111)
2 - Vilita (20)
1 - Milchama (8)
6 - The Non-RPing n00b (142)
4 - Atheistic Right (62)
3 - Spruitland (44)


Milchama is expected to dominate as the lion of the group commanding dominance over all others while Vilita is expected to trail in behind them walking in their wake.

A hard faught battle is expected with Spruitland with them being on hash all the time, however whether or not Atheistic Right can knock down the Wabbits and claim the play off spot will be uncertain but we'll give it a try.

The message was blaring through the media outlets, one of the few things that Leon Green never watched anyway. It was all rubbish, partly because of the vartious competing propoganda from various sources some of it from himself.

To be honest he hadn't the slightest idea how things would go, though for once he did think that they had a decent chance to progress, if only the team could win the most important matches.

The first match they had was away in Vilita. "Stupid Vilitians!" he exclaimed for no reason, except that he had no hope that such a match would occur in any result but a staggering loss for the team. Though perhaps he could use that for future campaigns... He would need to think about that.

At least the second match would be easier... The Non-RPing n00bs. They such and he was sure that mayhem could ensue there without anything going arri, and they also suck at Football.

From Leon's point of view they deserved anything they got, and also being orthodox, well that just made the mess all that sweeter.

"Dear brothers in Christ. At this moment, where normally we would expect the post-liturgy sermon, I would instead like to comment on the injury - perhaps unintentional - done to the Church by nations that we had, alas, otherwise long believed to be sympathetic to Orthodoxy. I speak, of course, of the World Cup hosts Bazalonia and the Lowland Clans, both of whom feature strong Orthodox traditions or Orthodox minorities within their lands.

Yet the power of the adversary is, it would seem, strong even in nations where the Orthodox Church is believed to have strong roots. Let us look at the other teams in our World Cup draw:

Group 11

Veitau - Naked animals? A tree in goal? What sort of nonsense is this? Clearly the squad of these 118th-ranked outsiders are little more than cunning demons masquerading as footballers

Clesmire - Since we know nothing about them, we assume these 142nd-ranked cannon fodder to be the vilest of heretics.

Assegai Developments - One of the teams in their national league is named after a group of bloodthirsty genocides. What more can one possibly need to know about the world's 31st-ranked team?

Estresse Intenso - Lunatics. Literally.

Alasdair I Frosticus - A fine team whom we hope will qualify (much as we might question the wisdom of fielding an egg in goal). But why place the two most prominent Orthodox teams in the same group? Especially when the coach of one is being physically duplicated in the midfield of the other? I know, I know... the MFA and the Holy Synod have asked us not to use the C word so much - but what clearer evidence can you find of an anti-Orthodox conspiracy than placing us and the Holy Empire in the same group? Perhaps this is not the intent of the hosts... perhaps their hands were temporarily possessed by demons when they made the draw... but there is a conspiracy out there, let there be no mistake, motivated by heretics, atheists, freemasons and communists and sinisterly manipulated by the forces of darkness. Perhaps there are those who would state that the fact that we've been handed a 'relatively easy draw' is proof that there is no such conspiracy! But they are fools! FOOLS! Fools whose tongues have been twisted by Satan himself. Let me make it clear that only through trust in the Lord might we prevail! And finishing second behind the Holy Empire would be quite nice too, thank you, Lord."

The Monastic Football Association does not necessarily endorse the opinions expressed in the above sermon, released today on Orthodox.net.

Az-cz Scroll
Az-cz
Il-Lur

It's that time again for me to throw out wild prognostications about who will make it to the finals and who will win the championship, which is just silly this far in advance. But you guys love it, so here it is again.

Group 2 is where the robbers can be found, and let's just say that our friends in Bazalonia certainly didn't rig the draw in our favor. The second seed in our group is Cafundeu, a team who's made three consecutive cups and even made it to the second round last cup and who's constantly improving. The third seed is Fmjphoenix, a former power who's still plenty dangerous. The four seed is Swilatia who on their day can be tough and the fifth seed was the best team in the just completed Baptism of Fire. Patusan is the remaining team and a game that has to be considered a victory. While of course we should remain top of the group, with a short ten game schedule we can't afford any slip ups like we saw last cup.

Predicted finish: Az-cz, Cafundeu, Western Afghanistan, Fmjphoenix, Swilatia, Patusan

Normally this would be when we examine the chances of our northern neighbors, but as their hosting will look at our friends and conquerors and once again friendly opponent Bettia next.

Group 9 is where the Aroras can be found. Joining them as notable teams are Quakmybush, Bostopia and Sativaville. They really can't be too displeased with such a draw. None of those teams made the finals last cup and Bostopia and Sativaville have never made it, although Bostopia did win the Cup of Harmony. You'd have to guess Quakmybush will rebound from their problems and we'll certainly be pulling for that, but if they fall Bostopia could be there to pounce. Expect Sativaville to miss out yet again.

Predicted finish: Bettia, Quakmybush, Bostopia, Sativaville, United Island Empires, Daughrty

Group 3 is another group of significant interest to Az-czzers as it features four different Atlantian Oceania teams, three of them quite good. Milchama and Vilita are both looking to build on fine campaigns making the finals and quarterfinals respectively and Spruitland rejoins international football. Atheistic Right is the fourth AO team. Really the top three will find big separation from the bottom and make it a close race. I think Milchama tops the group but Vilita struggles again allowing Spruitland to jump back into the proper in their first cup back after their one cup break.

Predicted Finish: Milchama, Spruitland, Vilita, Atheistic Right, The Non-RPing n00b, Kampfers

Next will bounce over to where Vilita's partner Turori is located in Group 8. As the Clansmen were still well enough to host the cup Turori is being forced to go through qualifiers the regular way. There are three other teams that have reason to believe they could advance: Squornshelous, The Islands of Qutar and Acapais. However we think Turori will make it back to the finals finishing behind Squornshelous. We really think Qutar's best days are behind them and Acapais is on the rise. So that's how I'm calling the finish.

Predicted Finish: Squornshelous, Turori, Acapais, Islands of Qutar, Unknown Suburbia, Cravan

Our good friends from Demot were drawn into group 10, which despite appearances shouldn't be too difficult. Sel Appa and the HURD were both in the finals last time around but nobody really thinks they're that good. And Cataduanes used to be a decent side, but shouldn't trouble a fine squad like Demot. We think they'll be a strong candidate for top record in qualifying. Behind them we think the Turtles will advance by default.

Predicted Finish: Demot, Sel Appa, The HURD, Cataduanes, Willink, Cookesland

One of our favorite non-AO nations, Elves Security Forces, has been drawn into a very interesting and fairly difficult group 12. They're on top looking to add to their two fine performances in the last two cups. Rejistania, one of two nations with more than two titles is the second seed. And Zwangzug is a very strong third seed. St. Samuel as a four showed their talent with nice runs in qualifying and the Cup of Harmony. Even Ulzaxid can be dangerous on their day as they have a lot of natural advantages other nations can't counter. Which means they'll be hard pressed to run away with the group like they did last qualifiers. Still if they play like they can they'll be fine. Rejistania could be in some danger of missing out considering the strength of the group.

Predicted Finish: Elves Security Forces, Zwangzug, Rejistania, St. Samuel, Ulzaxid, Kanye Island.

Group 4 sees the reigning champs and #1 team Ariddia. And they have to be dancing a jig of happiness at their draw. Yes it has two qualifiers from last cup, but one is Tynelia who they trounced in WC34 and the other is Green Wombat, one of the worst qualifiers ever. The Jasi'yun are also a decent squad but it should be smooth sailing for the Rouge-Et-Noirs. Tynelia ought to establish themselves as a regular finalist and the rest will pick up the scraps.

Predicted Finish: Ariddia, Tynelia, Commerce Heights JSY, Green Wombat, Jaredcohenia, Krystovenia

Group 7 is another interesting mix. Schiavonia, the qualifying kings ought to lead this group easily enough, just like always. Chasing them are four good squads, including two of the last three Baptism of Fire champions. Northern Bettia are clearly the favorites for the second spot, but Yafor 2 could qualify over them like they did over Liverpool England two cups ago, and Kuosio looked good in winning the Baptism of Fire. Even Bushes Been Quaked can put up some good performances. Suze-la-Rousse will get thrashed as they should for such a stupidly named country.

Predicted Finish: Schiavonia, Northern Bettia, Kuosio, Yafor 2, Bushes Been Quaked, Suze-la-Rousse

Group 6 is divided in to three groups; AO powers, decent teams hoping to make their first cup and Baptism of fire debutantes. Commerce Heights is #4 in the world and will qualify. Geisenfried ought to join them. Fort Europe is a tough squad and Turruth Gordur is tough in a different sense. Jariss looked strong in the Baptism of Fire falling to Kuosio in the finals. Jeru FC is not the same as Jeruselem as everyone will know soon enough.

Predicted Finish: Commerce Heights, Geisenfried, Fort Europe, Jariss, Turruth Gordur, Jeru FC

From the wannabes of Jeru FC to the real deal and Dazza's gang in group 5. Oliverry seems to have redeveloped interest in their football program with some beautiful new stadiums. With the talent they naturally have combined with their refound enthusiasm they'll give Dazza's squad everything they can handle. Which is bad news for Ropa-Topia as they'll be quite unlikely to break through. Only Abu-Omar from the bottom three is really worth discussing, but it's really a two horse race for top and Ropa-Topia pretty well pegged on third.

Predicted Finish: Oliverry, Jeruselem, Ropa-Topia, Abu Omar, Lovisa, Rossglass

Group 11 is noticeable most for the Dreamed Realm derby and Tzmices coaching against his old team, but there are other intrigues as well. Estresse Intenso is still struggling to break free from the Cafundeu shadow and Assegai Developments looks for their third trip to the proper. Clesmire and Veitau are irrelevant.

Predicted Finish: Archregimancy, Alasdair I Frosticus, Estresse Intenso, Assegai Developments,

Once again this analysis ends with group 1. A group with four decent teams, but no great ones. Wentland is probably the best with a semifinals to their name and a trip to the second round last cup. Errinundera is another strong team but they are truly bugabooed in the round of 16 in the cup, having fallen their four times in a row. Qazox has made two world cup propers but has yet to advance to the knockouts or make consecutive cups, so they've still got some progressing to do. And Kiryu-shi made a nice splash on the scene finishing second in the Cup of Harmony their first time through qualification after winning the Baptism of Fire. Delesa has been around for a while but has basically established themselves as a weak side and Tolvarus is an unkown. This I think will be the most suprising group with Errinundera topping the group and Kiryu-shi doing bad things to all the teams in the playoff pool by pushing Wentland down to third. Qazox's dreams of becoming a cup regular will have to wait as they slip down.

Predicted Finish: Errinundera, Kiryu-shi, Wentland, Qazox, Tolvarus, Delesa

Playoff teams: Western Afghanistan, Bostopia, Vilita, Acapais, The HURD, Rejistania, Commerce Heights JSY, Kuosio, Fort Europe, Ropa-Topia, Estresse Intenso, Wentland

Without looking at matchups I'd say these playoffs will be about breaking through as I think a number of teams who've been on the outside looking in will get through, with Ropa-Topia being the big exception.

Playoff Qualifiers: Bostopia, Acapais, Commerce Heights JSY, Fort Europe, Estresse Intenso, Wentland

And here is the early guess for the final four:

4th Az-cz
3rd Jeruselem
2nd Bazalonia
1st Bettia

I think we'll put together another fine run but Bettia will once again prove to be the best team in the land and reclaim the title from Ariddia with Bazalonia making a strong run on their home turf.

“Hello everyone and welcome back to the return of Tynelia’s most famous soccer related program. Tynelia Soccer Weekly returns with the start of World Cup 35 as Tyenlia looks to make it a third straight qualification, but the defending champs Arridia are just one of the teams standing in their way. I’m your co-host Troy Wallace and with me is Dinah Miller as we follow our team’s quest once again. Welcome aboard Dinah.”

“Thanks Troy, this has to be the best job ever. I mean I love soccer and I love sports journalism and this is the best of both worlds. And it looks like a pretty good draw for us this time out.”

“Except for getting Arridia I have to agree Dinah. We renew our old rivalry with the Green Wombats, ranked 36th in the world, and they look like they’ll be our biggest challenge for a top two spot.”

“Don’t count out Commerce Heights JSY, we faced their other half last time around with mixed results and ranked 47th, can’t forget about them Troy.”

“But you can probably count out Jaredcohenia and Kristovenia. This will probably be a good learning experience for both teams, especially facing the defending champs twice. Might not look pretty on the scoreboard but you can’t help but improve facing such a high level of competition.”

“ I agree about that Troy, so this is really four teams fighting for three spots more than likely.”

“How do you think Tynelia will be setting up this time around, you know they have to be smarting from the thumping Arridia gave them in the WC group play.”

“That might work in our favor though Troy. Yeah we were beat pretty bad but the good news is that it is a recent enough loss that the whole team remembers it and that Tynelia brings back most of the same team as last Cuo. The biggest retirements were Jane Stossels and Mia Thompson and of the two I think Jane will be the bigger loss as MKia was at best a fourth scoring option last cup and the top three are returning. It will be interesting to see how a Stossels-less defense can adjust this time around.”

“A very good point Dinah. Between Jane’s father John and herself, there has been a Stossels on defense in every Tynelian World Cup squad until this year. They were as much of a staple as Coach Masterson’s presence on the team in someway or another.”

“That will be the big defining part of the team this time around I think. For the first time I can remember the defense not the offense is the question mark for a Tynelian team.”

“I’m not sure that will be that big a problem. Meggie MacDougal looks to be maturing into a fine defender herself as she takes over the center defensive spot and has veteran experience on either side of her.”

“Greg Baxinworth is a bit of a question mark though Troy. Yes he has done extremely well in league play but this is his first time on an international stage. It may be a bit of a surprise to him. Mandy Martin at keeper was another shock, to sit the veteran Sean MacDougal in favor of her.”

“Its not that clear cut Dinah, in this case I think its more of a 1a and 1b keeper instead of a 1 and 2. Coach Masterson has already said he expects MacDougal to make at least four starts to keep Martin fresh.”

“Still it’s a surprising swap Troy, at least to me.”

“Well at least the attack will be solid Dinah.”

“Defintiely, I think this is the most versatile offense Tynelia has ever put out there. The MacDougal brothers, Tina Conroy and now Lance Cadeon, that’s four solid scoring options. That’s even better than the days when Bill Jakes and Connor MacDougal were flanked by Coach Masterson I think because all four of these players are in their prime.”

“I agree Dinah. Scoring shouldn’t be a problem for this team.”

“So Troy care to make any predictions?”

“That’s supposed to be my line Dinah.”

“OK let’s both make some predictions then. I’ll say Arridia takes it, we finish second and the Wombats get the playoff spot.”

“Going right by the seedings Troy, still in this group it does seem to make sense. I’ll agree with your top two but I think CH JSY jumps past the Wombats and grabs the playoff spot.”

“OK then. I guess that’s all the time we have for our first show back on the air. Tune in next week when the Cup begins and TSW starts off its coverage of the World Cup 35 qualifiers as soccer is back in Tynelia. For Dinah Miller this is Troy Wallace, have a good night.”

-------- JARISS FREE PRESS ---------
- - - - - - - - “A Free Press For a Free land.” - - - - - - -

World Cup Draw Announced

Jariss’ next step onto the world stage after a second place finish in the Baptism of Fire looks to be a formidable one as the World Cup draw has been announced. The Jariss squad now ranked 102th in the world after their BoF showing now finds that the competition level has taken a big step upwards. Commerce Heights ranked 4th and Geisenfried ranked 14th in the world look to be the class of this group. Then add in 43rd ranked Turruth Gordor and 45th ranked Fort Europe and things are not looking good for the team’s chances.

The team’s best chances for success look to be the last team of the group Jeru FC, a team that had a very poor BoF tournament and is the only team ranked below us at this time. The schedule makers have also made things a bit tough for the team as all but one of the team’s first half matches will be on the road forcing the Jariss people to wait before they welcome the World Cup to our island. On the other hand, that first home match will be against the group’s top team Commerce Heights, so the Jariss people will be treated to seeing one of the best teams in the world be the first team ever hosted by Jariss.

With the team’s opening against Jeru FC, the Jariss people hope to at least briefly see the team at the top of the standings if they can get a win here.

Arena Preparing For World Cup

Work has continued recently at the Jariss Arena as the conclusion of the Baptism of Fire means that the World Cup qualifiers will be starting up soon. The largest building in Jariss, the Arena is adding a larger press section in the hopes of handling a bigger press core that comes with the big event. An addition to the standard press area is expected to add room for up to two dozen correspondents when the area is completed.

The people of Jariss are eager to welcome the world hoping to increase its already thriving tourist industry as they expect the 4500 seat Arena to be filled to capacity. In fact additional standing room only area around the top tier of the arena is expected to give an additional 200 people a chance to watch the matches.

Jarissian Magistrate Waru Takio had this to say. “Jariss is doing everything we can to ensure that our foreign visitors will be made welcome and comfortable when they arrive here. The top two floors of the Grand Hotel will be reserved for the visiting teams, their staff and whatever press that comes with them when they arrive. It is our hopes that they and their fans take the time to see what our little isle has to offer in the hopes that they spread the word back home about what a lovely place Jariss is to visit.”

In a related topic it has been announced that the Jariss Ultimate Frisbee Extreme Team will be performing at half time of every home match in the tournament. Jariss’ most popular free styling team is expected to put on a great show for the fans as they always do.

OOC - This is for Jeru FC - having trouble getting Jeru FC to post!

A small woman sitting on tank

Dazza:
"Hello, this is Dazza Dallas - the Jeruselem coach. This is a special THE FOOTBALL LIFE for the army! On THE FOOTBALL LIFE I didn't mention Jeru FC our army team, why? Because we have this special episode to talk about Jeru FC. Jeru FC is our Jeruselem army team who are in the World Cup for some weird reason. Don't expect Jeru FC to qualify, because they won't. Because I'm coaching Jeruselem and Rashina Dallas is playing for Jeruselem, my sister Debbie had kindly taken on the task of coaching Jeru FC until we find a coach because coaching army people isn't that easy really."

Here's the group for Jeru FC

Group 6
Capitalizt Slani
Geisenfried
Jariss
Jeru FC
Turruth Gordur
Fort Europe

"Group six, not group sex. Honestly, looking that group - Jeru FC don't have chance. Jeruselem have played most of those teams apart from Jariss and they are all good teams. It's not to say our team won't try. Hey, quit moving this tank! I don't want to fall off. Thank you. Sorry, oh here's the team!"

<A lot of armed men and women turn up wearing Jeru FC strips>

"Yes, this is Jeru FC! The army team. Oh, they won't be carrying those guns during a game so don't get worried. They played in the recent Baptism of Fire or was it Baptism of Frost? Oh never mind, bu they got trashed and people laughed at them. But they are playing and well, will probably be laughed at again. Still, they are a national team! Not the best one, that's my team! God damn it, tanks really cold on the ass."

<Dazza gets off the tank>

"So, there we have it - Jeru FC - our army team! Where's my sister?"

Debbie: Here ...
Dazza: You look stupid in those army clothes, sis.
Debbie: I know, because they are size too small.
Dazza: So, how's the team's chances?

Debbie: Well, looking at the recent results ... not good.
Dazza: How about a few draws?
Debbie: Look, if I get one win out of this army - I'm happy.
Dazza: Not aiming high then?

Debbie: Not really, but your team has high expectations - mine has none. If we finished 4th - it'd be great but I think we'd be last or second last.
Dazza: Well, good luck sis.
Debbie: Say, that bodyguard of yours - he was the Jeru FC captain right?
Dazza: Yes, code name Sticky. He was the captain and we finished 4th in the Oxen cup or Qazox cup ... it's one of those.

Debbie: Didn't you sleep with him?
Dazza: Err, twice on the same day.
Debbie: No wonder the army guys all like you.
Dazza: On that note, Dazza does the army and so will Debbie!

Team: ON YA BIKE!
Debbie: You have them well trained there Dazza.
Dazza: YEP

From the desk of Noz-Tf

To the organizing committees of Bazalonia and The Lowland Clans

With the announcement of the draw and schedules we here in Az-cz want to clarify the status of the schedules? Are the home and away matches really to be played in the order that they seem to be listed, with the first team in each group playing six home matches and then six away matches. That's brutally unfair to those teams and it seems as if no organizing committee would arrange such a schedule. If the organizing committee is having problem arranging a schedule I would remind them that the scheduling expert from Az-cz offered to help them and is still willing to do so if they would like that. If there is a mistake in the way the schedule has been posted and some of the matches are listed with the wrong team at home it would be great for all national organizations to know that so that they can adjust their plans. But with the schedules as they stand now seem blatantly unfair. Although we in Az-cz stand to benefit as we have a balanced schedule, we protest this unfairness and ask the organizing committee to rectify the situation.

Noz-Tf
President of Az-cz Football Federation
World Cup 33 Hosts

Amda-Mo: A 1-1 draw against the Bazalopes leading up to qualifiers. How does that set us up?

Lur-Mn: It's a perfectly reasonable result, especially considering that we were resting a number of the older players.

Amda-Mo: Let's talk about that. Were you surprised we didn't use this chance to test the 3-7-0 while Bazalonia was playing their full squad?

Lur-Mn: Well Coach Hawdon's squad is in a different position then us, so what they do isn't important for us. But yes I was very surprised. While this coahing staff knows the strain of qualifiers well it still seems strange, especially considering we're not an old team. It just is confusing that we'd schedule a friendly and then not use it to experiment.

Amda-Mo: But it did allow Zax-Im to get some new players capped.

Lur-Mn: True, but later friendlies could have allowed for that. I guess he just has major confidence in the squad, which better be deserved cause we'll have to hit the ground running.

Amda-Mo: Let's talk about that. We open with Fmjphoenix and Cafundeu. The complexion of the group will be set early.

Lur-Mn: It certainly will be. We need to avoid mistakes. Last campaign we drew against Kampfers at the start and fell apart at the end and just snuck into the tournament. If we fall into a hole early this time around it'll be almost impossible to dig ourselves out. While we might not be in the group of death I think it's fair to call it a group of maiming.

Amda-Mo: How do we match up with Fmjphoenix.

Lur-Mn: How do we match up with anyone? No one's seen the 3-7 in action so no one knows. In terms of talent we're clearly better, but that doesn't guarantee that we'll win, especially with our formation so untested.

Amda-Mo: I see. Who do you view as the key player for the match?

Lur-Mn: Ho-Lee Chung. It's his first start in a fully competitive senior level match. And he's sort of the striker in this lineup.

Amda-Mo: Ok. It's time for the wrap up. In commemoration of this being our sixth cup we'll be preparing lists of half-dozen on various topics. Tonight we're looking at the best active teams never to win a title. That means that both Audioslavia and Spaam aren't on this list. Here we go:

#6. Elves Security Forces

We start off with a recent phenomenon. Of the teams on this list they have considerably the least impressive history. One of only two teams never to have hosted the cup, they've also never made the finals. However they're currently the second highest ranked non-champion and had two very strong cups running. They're actually more likely to life the cup then some teams ranked above them, but don't have the history to match. Oliverry was also considered for this spot.

#5. Turori

Despite never making it past the quarterfinals Turori has had a great run in the NS world cup. They've risen up to as high as fourth place and have made the quarterfinals many times. They've also hosted the cup and have had great success in Atlantian Oceania with their allies in Vilita.

#4. Milchama

Milchama has been competing in the world cup for a long time and finally broke through to the finals last cup where they fell short. With that cap in their feather they truly have to be considered a great team. They also have hosting experience and a couple of other quarterfinals to their credit.

#3. Schiavonia

The least successful of the teams in the knockout stage of the world cup, only having made the quarterfinals once and never advancing further Schiavonia earns this rank on stellar qualifying and group stage play. Every cup in recent memory Schiavonia has been excellent in matches that aren't single elimination. Some argue that Schiavones are poor underpressure, but if you believe they've just had some bad luck then it's hard to argue that they aren't a strong team. There should be no questioning their talent and with some good breaks it's not at all hard to envision them lifting the crown.

#2. Az-cz

Yes that's us at number two. No I don't believe we're the best team not to win a cup. There might be some home bias occurring but I don't believe so. And yes I realized that I docked Elves Security Forces for their short history, when ours isn't much longer but there are some big differences between the two nations. One, when we first arrived in the cup everyone immediately took notice after an unbeaten campaign in a brutally long 16 match Baptism of Fire. Two, we've made it to the last game of the cup, the Elves haven't. Three, we've made four cups in a row, they've only made it to the last two. Four, we've hosted a tournament. Five we've moved steadily up every cup since we've joined. The only place left up to go is to the very top and win a championship.

#1. Jeruselem

Yet the best team never to win a championship has to be the Crusaders. They've been good for quite a while longer than either us or Elves Security Forces have been competing. They fell to Ariddia in the finals of World Cup 32 and have many other quarterfinals to go along with that accomplishment, and often fell victim at the hands of the Purple Peril at the height of their power. Despite never having hosted a cup they've had incredible amounts of success in their first 24 runs through the tournament and are still an incredibly focused and determined team. Sooner or later they will break through the barrier Audioslavian curse or no.

Amda-Mo: So there's the list. Let us know what you think? Feel Elves Security Forces deserves more credit for their recent play. Schiavonia ought to be penalized for their finals failings? Think there's someone we're missing? Sound off at www.wcn@-sn.a-c

The Football Association thanks the World Cup Hosts for clarifying the fixture list, and produces the fixture list for Bostopia in Qualifying for World Cup 35.

MD01: Quakmybush - Bostopia
MD02: Daughrty - Bostopia
MD03: Sativaville - Bostopia
MD04: United Island Empires - Bostopia
MD05: Bostopia - Bettia - Bostopia Stadium, Fort Boston
Friendly: TBA
MD06: Bostopia - Quakmybush - Copsequay Stadium, Fenton
MD07: Bostopia - Daughrty - Deepbay Stadium, Port Flamerty
MD08: Bostopia - Sativaville - Landsberg Stadium, Caflin
MD09: Bostopia - United Island Empires - Bostopia Stadium, Fort Boston
MD10: Bettia - Bostopia

The Football Association wishes good luck to those nations who are friendly to us in their Qualification hopes.

From the Weblog: The travelers' guide to The HURD

Why should I visit the HURD?
Well, we do not know, there are always a number of visitors in The HURD and there are surely here for a reason. Maybe they do not like the quiet and the calm where they live, maybe they wanted to see that the wikiocracy really works, maybe they want to study at our universities, maybe they like 'the combination of capitalist wealth and communist and anarchistic ideals. The HURDist cities never sleep and unless you use proprietary software, it is a very safe nation for you.

I want to visit qualification matches of my team. What do you advise?
The HURD requires a certain shift of thoughts. My best advise is to keep an open mind and don't hurt the penguins, who waddle around in Minasra. Penguins are considered very important in HURDist culture (Yes, they have yellow beaks and feet, we do not know why). Some additional advice:

* Do not try to smuggle proprietary software into the HURD. You do not want to spend an indefinite amount of years in a HURDist prison.

* Stay calm, HURDist traffic is horrible. most HURDist cars are small, designed for one HURDist and their design is freely available. Cars can be rented at 'mv'. If you are too afraid to drive to the Thompson University, use the Suspension Railway, Thompson line.

* Internet access is easy. Wireless connections are almost everywhere snd there are public computers with internet access as well as a number of compilers and both vi or emacs.

* If you are allergic against caffeine or a mormon, better bring your own fod and drinks, caffeine is used to 'improve the flavour' of almost anything.

* Not being nerdy in The HURD gives you about the same status as being blind would give you elsewhere. There still exists no cure despite quite some research effort.

* Do not discuss favorite editors with strangers. There is a high chance that HURDists will react very emotional to it.

* if someone points a gun at you and asks: "Vi or emacs", do not answer with "Microsoft Word" or "Notepad". While the editor wars have ended in the HURD, some HURDists have not realized it. If you answer 'nano', 'pico' or 'ed' they will laugh and let you go.

St Samuel News

Latin Crusaders manager, Louis Della Penzzi has spoken out on his worries on the group draw for World Cup 35. "It's not a good draw for us. Three big teams who will not be easy opposition. ESF, Zwangzug and Rejistania are all very good consitent sides. We will have to step up a gear from the previous WCQ if we are to do anywhere near as well as last time. Im not happy about being drawn against Ulzaxid for a second time, they too are also a very difficult team to play against and Kanye Island are an unknown quantity, so to say it's going to be tough would be a big understatement.

Meanwhile the recovery of central midfield sensation, Leo Sensini is a huge boost for the Latin Crusaders. Sensini suffered a fracture to his toe which kept him out for the last two months, but doctors have given him the all clear to return to training.

Draw for World Cup Qualifying announced.
Acapais placed in Group Eight.

Excitement poured throughout Acapais last night when, for the third time in their history, Acapais was placed in a World Cup Qualifying group.

More than ten percent of the nation was said to have watched to World Cup Qualifying Draw on television hoping and wishing they would not be grouped with a high seeded nation. To the delight of the fans, Acapais avoided high ranked nations like Jeruselem, Az-cz, and the defending WC Champions, Ariddia.

Having competed only twice, Acapais was placed in Group Eight as the fourth seed. In a group of six, two other nations have also been invited to qualify for the first time. Among the three other nations seeded higher than Acapais, two did not qualify for WC34's tournament. The only nation that qualified for WC34's final tournament, however, was knockout in the quarterfinals.

"We got the best group possible when you talk about Acapais qualifying for this year’s World Cup." says manager Yomi Elixer. "But we can't let that distract us from our goal, winning games. We are going to start today getting ready for Turori. Yes, Squornshelous is in our group, but we can beat them if we prepare properly."

Seventy-four nations (including hosts) entered this year’s World Cup and divided into twelve groups of six. The top two teams qualify for the final tournament automatically and the third place nations will ensue a play-off for the final six spots. Bazalonia and The Lowland Clans automatically qualify for the final tournament because they are the host nations.

"I am so excited about this year's World Cup. I really think we can win our group." says a walking pedestrian.

Players of the Acapais National Football Team have high hopes for themselves too.

Oscar Van Savage says, “We have a great chance for qualifying for the World Cup this summer. We just have to remain focused and do our job.”

Sally Mayfield, sports expert, says, "The teams in this tournament have been playing World Cups for years. Since Turori has a hard time during qualification, and The Islands of Qutar will a strong comeback showing, Acapais will probably end up in third place for another playoff."

Sally predicts that the two qualifying teams from group ten will be Squornshelous, The Islands of Qutar, and Acapais heading for the play-off.

Group 8:
1. Unknown Suburbia
2. Turori
3. Squornshelous
4. The Islands of Qutar
5. Acapais
6. Cravan

Schedule of WCQ matches for Acapais:
BYE
MD 1: @ Turori
MD 2: @ The Islands of Qutar
MD 3: @ Unknown Suburbia
MD 4: @ Squornshelous
MD 5: vs. Cravan
Break for Friendlies
MD 6: vs. Turori
MD 7: vs. The Islands of Qutar
MD 8: vs. Unknown Suburbia
MD 9: vs. Squornshelous
MD 10: @ Cravan

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12690192&postcount=17)

Groups Drawn

MD 1: Sel Appa vs. The HURD
MD 2: Demot vs. Sel Appa
MD 3: Willink vs. Sel Appa
MD 4: Cookesland vs. Sel Appa
MD 5: Sel Appa vs. Cataduanes

Intermission

MD 6: The HURD vs. Sel Appa
MD 7: Sel Appa vs. Demot
MD 8: Sel Appa vs. Willink
MD 9: Sel Appa vs. Cookesland
MD 10: Cataduanes vs. Sel Appa

Demot (10)-The infamous Dynamo who are ranked in the top 10 in the world defeated Sel Appa in it's first Knockout Match in World Cup 33. The Turtles should be more prepared this time and Demot should let their guard down a bit during qualifiers. The Dynamo should qualify without much sweat.
Sel Appa (25)-Our very own Turtles. A superb team in the top 25. They are expected to easily qualify.
The HURD (37)-The Turtles have met the famous HURD robots in the previous two Cup qualifiers. So far, the Turtles have won thrice and drew once, making for good possibilties. Thy might face a little competition for the playoff spot from Cookesland.
Cookesland (53)-The Turtles have not yet played this side, but the matches should both be wins. Cookesland has a chance to make it to the qualifiers.
Cataduanes (124)-The Turtles last played Cataduanes in World Cup 32. A win and a draw for the Turtles should be improved to two wins these qualifiers
Willink (130)-A newcomer to International Football, they racked up some practice in the Baptism of Frost and even though they end off the group, the should see a win or two.

On the radio or possibly just yelling very loud from a clock tower depending on your point of view:

"So then I heard a new World Cup is brewing"

"That it is, the draw came out today"

"Ooooh how does it look"

"It's scary"

"Why?"

"We're first seed"

"What?! How did that happen?!"

"Well we kinda made the final"

"Oh yeh, still scary stuff"

"I know we've never had a target on our backs like that"

"Well we have been number 2 seeds for a long time, maybe that will help"

"Hopefully, we need this one though"

"Agreed"

"So then who are the teams we are against?"

"Why are we on a clock tower?"

"Not important, anyway who are our opponents?"

"Milchama
Spruitland
Vilita
Atheistic Right
The Non-RPing n00b
Kampfers,
That's group 3 by the way people"

"You ready for some infamous predictions?"

"Yes"

"Ok, here we come, let's start with Vilita"

"Vilita- Good history, hell they won the World Cup once-"

"Bastards"

"Yes anyway Vilita have gone down a bit but they are right now a second seed and most likely to beat us, still can't see them doing it. We get 4 points off them."

"The next side is Spruitland, an old nation who took a cup off but are now coming back, probably with a vengence. They started the same cup we did but qualified two cups before us an-"

"Bastards"

"Yes anyway we're better than them now. Also they have never passed the group stages. We expect an upset with them once but not a win, 4 points again."

"After that comes Atheistic Right another Atlantian Oceanian side-"

"You know people talk about AO losing their numbers and grip on the cup but just look at our group 4 of the 6 nations are from AO and those are also the 4 top seeds. Seriously we rock."

"Anyway Atheistic Right got invaded by Collonie after they killed their soccer team and they-"

"Bastards"

"Yes anyway Starblaydia came kicked their arses but they have been revived and prospered, sorta, they are back in the World Cup and aren't going to beat us anytime soon. 6 points, easy."

"Next up to lose is Kampfers. They might have been in a World Cup they might not have. Us Milchamians can't be bothered to check, we have a reputation to uphold, we can't be getting facts right now, espiecially after Peter Harden in the CoH he turned into a-"

"Bastard"

"No Warewolf but anyway we'll beat Kampfers twice that really is the point"

"The non-Rping n00b rounds out the group and apparently their media is very apathetic saying before the tournament started that they will not show anything to the outside world"

"That's kinda unfortunate for them although I wouldn't blame the media here, their team is made up of monsters that will try to eat the other te-"

"Bastards"

"Yes anyway, that will eat the other team. Shouldn't matter though, we bring swords on the pitch kill the monsters and collect the 6 points"

"Sounds good"

"Come on you Warriors and may Margaret bring us luck"

Wyld Stallyns
WORLD CUP 35 PREVIEW SHOW

Ted: I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan

Bill: And I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire

Together: And We're Wyld Stallyns!!

Ted: Welcome to the World Cup 35 preview show.

Bill: We finally got the World Cup draw and after the break, our Co-Host for today's show, Joan of Arc, Noah's wife, will join us!!

Ted: Before we get our co-host this evening, let's see the group draw for our Potheads...
GROUP 9
Sativaville
Quakmybush
United Island Empires
Daughrty
Bostopia
Bettia

Bill: And here's the schedule for qualifing:

MD 1: vs. Bettia
MD 2: vs. United Island Empires
MD 3: vs. Bostopia
MD 4: vs. Quakmybush
MD 5: vs. Daughrty
MD 6: @ Bettia
MD 7: @ United Island Empires
MD 8: @ Bostopia
MD 9: @ Quakmybush
MD 10: @ Daughrty


Ted: We'll be right back after this commercial.
<Bill and Ted enter the phone booth>
<Commerical for Ganja Vodka, starring Dazza Dallas>
<The phone Booth come back, and Bill, Ted and Joan of Arc come out>

Bill: Welcome back, Joan who do think will win the group?

Joan of Arc: Je pense Bettia faire gagner le groupe .

Ted: That seems to be the safe oick, As for 2nd place I Think that Quakmybush should go through.

Bill: Joan where do you think Sativaville will finish?

Joan of Arc: Sativaville??? la troisième place.

Ted: Third? good, in 4th place i think that we'll edge out Bostopia, while UIE finishes 5th and Daughrty in 6th. That sound good Joan?

Joan of Arc: Oui.

Bill: Look at the time we got to go and return Joan, or else they'll burn someone else.

Ted: Well that's all for now, On our next show, The next co-host will be.... Abraham Lincoln!!!

Bill: So Be Excellent to each other Sativaville, Wyld Stallyns Out!

(ooc: to any french speakers, i very much apologize for the french, as i don't know crap about proper conjugation of french. I just went with what the translator told me.)

With the Islanders' World Cup debut careering towards us like an elephant catapulted at an ant, head researcher Kimberley Clarke talks us through our opponents.

"To be honest, it looks very much like we're going to be spectators in a very interesting fight. Elves Security Forces are the 'up' team at the moment, but St Samuel and Rejistania will be looking to chase behind.

Meanwhile, the dark horse, 'could do anything' side of the six is most definitely Zwangzug. If they were any more mercurial, they would be marked a biohazard. And who are the lucky souls who get to play Jekyll, Hyde, and everyone in between? Yup, none other than the wonderfully mispronounced Keyne Island.

Best chance (and that's still not much) of points it Ulzaxid. But then, what can you say about a side that sounds like a sneeze? Back to you, James."

Team to play ZWANGZUG:
Formation: 4-3-2-1, * indicates captain

(1) J. Walsh
(3) I. Wilson - (6) T. Smith - (5) K. Vincent* - (2) C. Milligan
(11) K. Lockwood - (4) M. Hope - (8) C. Cox
(7) R. White - (10) P. Cooper
(9) J. Buckingham

Gazeta Swilajska
English Version

It's that time again... the World Cup qualifiers. Yes people, it's the same story. Swilatia's team signs up again after a poor performance in the last cup and tries to qualify again. We get put in Some random unpredictable group. Anyway, this time we are in group number two of the qualifiers, six nations per group. So, can we qualify? We'll have to find out, with the group information.

So, the other nations in the group are Az-Cz, Cafundeu, Fmjpheonix, Patusan, and Western Afganhistan. Wow, this looks like a tough one. Anyway, to get into further detail with these countires, Az-Cz, well, we don't know how goot they are, but the will probably beat us in the matches. Cafundeu is another team that is likely to give us problems, and to make matters worse, our first match is with them. Fmjpheonix is also a fairly good team. This definately makes this a dangerous group. Definately

Anyway, putting the larger threats aside, we move on to the rest of the group. And unfortunately the smaller side. The two teams remaining are Western Afganhistan and Patusan. We've never heard of Patusan, so they are likely to be newcomers. As for Western Afganhistan, they believe that they are able to extract 6 points from us, but they are probably not. After all, not only has our team beaten many overconfident sides, but they are newcomers!

So, there's the group info. Anyway, we'll have to see how it goes. Hopefully we'll be able to pull a few upsets, as that would be the only thing to get us into this cup. Besides that, there's a little side story here, the host countries must have really stupid schedueling people. Just take a look at at. Some teams have 6 home matches in a row, and 6 away matches in a row. Not only is that brutally unfair, it's terminally stupid. Hopefully this will be changed though.

On DazMania, Show 1000 ...

Nikki: "That's almost it for this show, but the boss has a real important message for everyone. Please listen!"

Dazza:
"Hi everyone! I know this bad timing before the World Cup 35, and it will affect DazManiacs out there. This show will be last show of DazMania, I've been forced to shut down this show for financial reasons. As you know the greedy telecommunications companies have been hiking up call rates lately, and we can't make any money due to less callers going through. The profits from this show usually get put back as the prize money, and at the moment we're struggling to get enough to give away. We've made this far, but I can't keep on running this show without incurring losses. I know you DazManiacs love this show, but I guess it's over. I'm not happy either, as we've got Jeruselem's longest running quiz show and all good things come to an end. I'm really sorry but ..."

(Dazza breaks down and starts crying)

Nikki:
"Yes, those rumours have been true. Poor Dazza has been trying keep this show running but it's all too hard now. This is our last show. Tomorrow we will be replaced by those damn Gutha Renka ads again. On behalf of Dazza Dallas and people from DazMania, thanks for the support over the last four years. It's been great working here and we cannot do it without the support of everyone out there keeping out show alive with those phone calls. As you can see, the boss had to make the hard decision. We love you out there."

Dazza:
"Next week, there will be a big auction where fans can buy parts of the DazMania studio sets. It's all going, everything. Well almost everything, I'm keeping the Blozz for myself. I know it's just a stupid phone which does not work with a picture of me but I love it. Those cute cuddly toys are going to my daughter Jacinta Dallas as she loves playing with them too. Everything else is going though even the crappy obselete untrendy wardrobe at the back there, so DazManiacs please turn up."

Nikki:
"Most of the hosts know this and they couldn't make it tonight as they have other jobs elsewhere to feed the family. Don't worry about me, I've got another quiz show on JGN lined up so I've got something to do. Dazza has her hands full with a World Cup 35 so please watch that too."

Dazza:
"Well, it's over. DazMania is gone. From everyone here at DazMania, have a great night."

(Dazza breaks down and starts crying again)

Nikki:
"It's alright, Dazza! It's not your fault."

GLOBO MULTIMEDIA'S OFFICIAL GROUP ANALYSIS
by Breno Gavião and his special guests

BRENO - "Hello, hello, my frrrrriends! Herrrrre I am again, rrrrready for another World Cup. Now Cafundéu is considerrrrred a strrrrrong team for nearly everyone, so our citizens think that we must qualify. Of courrrrrse things arrrren't so easy, but we can qualify without many difficulties. We have just rrrrreceived the grrrroup drrrrraw, and will comment about it with our special guests. The first is Heitor, attacker of our National Team, who plays for A.F.F! Thanks for coming, Heitor."

HEITOR - "It's a pleasure to be here, Breno. I'm anxious to see which teams we're going to face."

BRENO - "So, let's see it in that monitor":

Az-cz (3)
Cafundéu (19)
Fmjphoenix (27)
Swilatia (56)
Western Afghanistan (96)
Patusan (NR)

HEITOR - "What? Fmjphoenix AGAIN! Not again! Why we have to face them in all the World Cups? We played them in the group stage of the World Cup 32, in the qualifiers of the World Cup 33, and again in the qualifiers of World Cup 34, and now again in the qualifiers!"

BRENO - "Yes, I agrrrrree with you! Once again our team will have to play against them, and they're surely dangerous."

HEITOR - "Yes, but let's see the other teams. Az-Cz is clearly the strongest team here. Maybe we can surprise them, but it'll be difficult. It'll be one of the most interesting games of the qualifiers, in my opinion."

BRENO - "Yes, I agrrrrree with you! I'll prrrrrepare even my video rrrrrecorder to be able to see this game again at any time! But let's intrrrrroduce another guest. One of the best strrrrrikers in our National League, Lennie Newton, of Wentland National Team and of Petardos S/A! Thanks for coming!"

NEWTON - "Thanks for inviting me too, Breno. I'll have to travel to Wentland soon to get prepared for the qualifiers, but will have some time to talk here."

BRENO - "Thanks. We have alrrrrready commented about Az-Cz and Fmjphoenix. What about the other thrrrrree teams?"

NEWTON - "Let's talk about Swilatia first. I think that Cafundéu could get an easier opponent as fourth seed, as Swilatia is a team in development and ready to surprise all the opponents. Cafundéu will have to be cautious when facing them, as they have good players and an interesting strategy."

BRENO - "Now, Western Afghanistan. One thing that I must say about them is that they have a media style similar to ours. Maybe our media style influenced theirs in some way, I don't know. This is a good signal, as they prrrrrobably have rrrrrespect for our team and for our trrrrraditions. About their quality, they had a good perrrrrformance in the Baptism of Firrrrre, but I think that we can, if we play carefully, win both games."

NEWTON - "Can I talk about Patusan?"

BRENO - "Yes."

NEWTON - "I have no idea about who they are."

BRENO - "I expected this answer. Let's invite another guest. He plays for Dunboor FC herrrrre in Cafundéu, and also for the National Team of Squornshelous. Mr. Latvala!"

LATVALA - "What do I have to talk about?"

BRENO - "Talk about your prrrrredictions of this grrrrroup."

LATVALA - "I think that Cafundéu can qualify, but in the second place. I see Az-Cz finishing in first, but the third position will be disputed by three teams. Fmjphoenix, Swilatia and Western Afghanistan. I have a feeling that it'll be Swilatia."

BRENO - "Thanks. And, to talk about the changes in the National Team, I invite Bob Woolmer, frrrrrom the Jeruselem National Team. He plays for Petardos S/A in Cafundéu."

WOOLMER - "Thanks, Breno. I think that a new coach changed Cafundéu's style completely, but I hope that it'll be for better. Some young players will have opportunity to shine, and the experienced players will be ready to help them."

BRENO - "Thanks. The Counselor-Minister of Sports has just arrrrrrrrived, and he'll show us the schedule of our National Team."

MAKAS - "Oh, sure. I'll show it on the monitor":

MD1 - Cafundéu x Swilatia
MD2 - Cafundéu x Az-Cz
MD3 - Cafundéu x Western Afghanistan
MD4 - Cafundéu x Patusan
MD5 - Cafundéu x Fmjphoenix
MD6 - Swilatia x Cafundéu
MD7 - Az-Cz x Cafundéu
MD8 - Western Afghanistan x Cafundéu
MD9 - Patusan x Cafundéu
MD10 - Fmjphoenix x Cafundéu (last game against Fmjphoenix... again)

Stadiums used:

MD1 - Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft (Cap. 100,000)
MD2 - Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta (Cap. 150,000)
MD3 - Presídio, in Carandirú City (Cap. 75,000)
MD4 - Toca do Tatu, in Central City (Cap. 65,000)
MD5 - Maracatu Arena, in Dunboor (Cap. 85,000)

BRENO - "Do you have predictions for the grrrrroups?"

MAKAS - "Yes, I have. I'll show them on the monitor":

G1 - Wentland, Errinundera, Qazox
G2 - Az-Cz, Cafundéu, Swilatia
G3 - Milchama, Vilita, Atheistic Right
G4 - Ariddia, Green Wombat, Tynelia
G5 - Jeruselem, Oliverry, Ropa-Topia
G6 - Capitalizt SLANI, Geisenfried, Jariss
G7 - Schiavonia, Northern Bettia, Yafor 2
G8 - Squornshelous, Acapais, Turori
G9 - Bettia, Quakmybush, Bostopia
G10 - Demot, Sel Appa, The HURD
G11 - The Archregimancy, Alasdair I Frosticus, Assegai Developments
G12 - Elves Security Forces, Zwangzug, Rejistania

BRENO - "Well, thanks everyone. This finishes our prrrrrogrrrrram."

DOCTOR ROGÉRIO LANDAU'S TRADITIONAL SHORT COMMENTS ABOUT THE GROUP OPPONENTS

Estresse Intenso has an entirely new team for this World Cup, composed by the most famous doctors and professors of the Landau Institute, who can play football well. After seeing the group, Doctor Rogério Landau made his comments about the opponents:

Group 11:

Alasdair I Frosticus - argh! A top 10 team, I don't see that the doctors have much chance against them.

The Archregimancy - they seem to be nice people, and good footballers. Once again, our chances are low.

Assegai Developments - another strong team, but one that we can surprise.

Estresse Intenso - hey, that's us! Why do I have to comment about our team?

Veitau - er... I don't know... they must have some talent.

Clesmire - no comments. Who are they?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DOCTOR IVO PITANGUI WANTS TO BE WITH THE NATIONAL TEAM

"I think that I have talent enough to play for the National Team. But as The Machine didn't choose me, I found a way to be with our team during the travels."

"I'm a plastic surgeon, and will work in all the countries that the team goes. Please know that I'm one of the best plastic surgeons of the world, so your body will receive the best treatment with me."

"Please contact me if you want one of my surgeries."

Groups and Schedules Announced, Kiryu-shi Faces Uphill Battle

By Michio Hibbert

Fauxhan, Bazalonia Kiryu-shi will be the fourth seed in group one in the upcoming World Cup 35 Qualification round. Currently ranked 46th in the world, Kiryu-shi remains an underdog to make it into the World Cup proper, as they need to finish in the top third of the group of six to obtain a garaunteed entry into the World Cup proper, and need to finish third overall in their group for the chance to play for their entry. Last qualification, they played above their rank to finish just short of their goal, and they hope to continue the trend of being able to beat higher ranked teams.

____The first seed in group one is the esteemed and overall 12 ranked Wentland squad, who made it to the first round of the knockout portion in World Cup 34 after finishing in fourth place in World Cup 33. Errinunderra, led by the legendary but aging striker Rosaniel, has also had some success at the international level, making it to the second round in each of the last four World Cups. They will expect to qualify pretty easily and battle Wentland for the top spot in the group, as they are only ranked three spots behind the top seed. Qazox is ranked 33rd in the world, and after qualifying in World Cup 33, had to participate in the last Cup of Harmony with Kiryu-shi, although they were knocked out in the first round after a loss to the eventual champions Bostopia in their first match. They finished fourth in qualifications last match. Delesa is the fifth seed, and at 105th rank in the world, they shouldn’t have that great a chance to qualify. Tolvarus, the unknown newcomer to international play, rounds out the group.

____Kiryu-shi starts off with four out of five matches at home, and ends with four out of five on the road. They will have to get off to a quick start, and win games against Tolvarus in their first match and get at least one point in most of their home matches in order to have a shot at qualifying. The first real test for Kiryu-shi will come against Errinunderra in their second match. The Dragons will need to take momentum from the “home” portion of their schedule into the tough second half if they hope to make it into the World Cup proper for the first time.

"You can't destroy it, if you do who knows what will happen!!" the scientist exclaimed as Kyle Cartman held PROJECT COBALT in his hand.

"No offense, but I do know what will happen if I don't destroy it" Kyle said, taking out his gun and aiming at the scientist's head. "I also know what will happen if I pull this trigger, and so do you. Enough blood has been shed today, and I personally don't want to add one more, so if you don't mind, turn off the alarms, and come with me, if you want to live."

As the scientist reached over to turn the set of alarms off, a shadow flickered over the area, and Cartman turned quickly to see a man with a gun pointed at Kyle's head, and Cartman's trained on his.

"Cartman, You've left behind quite a bloody trail, 15 guards, 20 scientists and a couple of secretaries, Tsk Tsk, must be getting sloppy in your old age." the man said.

"Now, now Director, or should I give up the pretense, James? Yes I know your real name, James Moriarity, and I know that for the last 100 or so years you've used samples of my blood to keep yourself alive, but I think that time is over." Kyle said, shooting Moriarity right between the eyes. "Too bad old man, I rather liked you. Now if you will, what is your name?" he asked of the scientist.

"Strangelove." the man replied.

"Well now Dr. Strangelove, If you want to live, at least until this abomination is destroyed, tell me how to turn off the power source and give me the passwords to the files." Cartman said icily as he made sure Moriarity was dead by placing another 2 bullets into his brain.

After Dr. Strangelove gave the command codes to Cartman and told him how to turn it off, Cartman sent the scientist out of the room.

"ONE MINUTE TO CASCADE FAILURE." the computer screen flashed in front of him.

"One minute left, and my existance shall be erased and so shall any trace of this abomination as well. I only wish that there was some other way to do this." Cartman mumbled to himself as the countdown continued.

"10..

9...

8...

7...

6...

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

CASADE FAILURE...."

And then the world went white................................

New faces again in Rouge-et-Noirs team

The turnover rate this time round was even higher than usual, as the many players in their thirties retired after winning World Cup 34. Eight players, including captain Xavier Xu, have ceded their place to fresh young talent. Or at least so everyone hopes.

Coach Yves al Jahdali has stayed on. Rumours had suggested he might leave after having coached his players all the way to victory two years ago, but the former defender stated simply: "I rarely quit when I'm on top. We've got something great going here, and we all want to keep it going."

Defender Myo They Myint will be the new captain - Ariddia's ninth since World Cup 1. He is arguably the most obscure. The 28 year-old plays for Lyonaisia in St Samuel, and joined the Rouge-et-Noirs in World Cup 33. Although not excessively media-shy, he has not attracted quite as much attention as team mates such as Ke Sho or Cassie Lee.

Now aged 33, Ke Sho (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ke_Sho) may well be appearing for the last time. He is no longer quite the same man as the teenager who burst into the limelight back in World Cup 31. For one thing, he has picked up a little English along the way, although he admits he still feels more comfortable speaking in his native Wymgani. When appearing in public in Ariddia, this Indigenous Ariddian still wears nothing more than patanja-leaf wrappers around his waist and thighs, claiming that 'Western clothing just tickles and itches'. But Sho has had to adapt to life in Cafundéu, where he plays for Atlético Jutense - "a very interesting experience. Cafundéu is like my second home. E eu falo um pouco de português agora, demasiado. It's uma língua muito agradável, e I'm I pesaroso don't falam-na mais melhor."

Although he has a girlfriend (journalist Célia Fernandes) there, Sho has said he has no intention of asking for Cafundéu citizenship. "It's something Célia and have to decide together, but my home is with the E'te [his Indigenous community] in Ariddia."

Cassie Lee (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Cassie_Lee), by contrast, has moved to Errinundera with her "sweetheart" bilnadvi. The gorgeous 31 year-old Ariddian "princess" is now her team's main goalkeeper. Settling in Errinundera has meant giving up her job as an air hostess for Ariddian Airlines, but not her club commitments, since she was never a professional football player.

"I'm going to miss flying around the world for my job," she said, "but I'll still get to do that a bit as a Rouge-et-Noir. More importantly, I love this country [Errinundera], and I'm happy to stay here with bil. I'll be visiting Ariddia as often as possible, of course, and I'm still honoured to be playing for my native country. But I intend to make myself useful here in Errinundera. I've begun training as a firefighter, believe it or not," she explained with a giggle.

When she first began playing for Ariddia, Lee attracted attention as the socialist republic's only player with "royal blood". She is the grand-daughter of an Uhuh-Ropean baroness, and is about 130th in the line of succession for the Uhuh-Ropean throne.

She may also be the world's shortest goalkeeper at this high level of competition, standing at just 1m61.

Schedule Change Causing Disruptions

All of the Tynelian Soccer Federation is rapidly adjusting their venue lineups aftrer an adjustment to the original group schedules were announced. As the matchups and home dates were changed there is much last minute activity going on to try and get the proper arenas scheduled for the right day. The concert event "Rock til U Drop" scheduled for the Sun Stadia has been pushed back a week to accomodate the newly rescheduled Tynelia match with Commerce Heights JSY which had been expected to take place at an earlier date.

Fortunately the two main dates at the Presidential Coliseum against the Green Wombats and Arridia seem to have suffered the least, though the pushing back of the Arridia match to the final day of group play has left an open date for the Coliseum on the day the match was originally thought to take place.

Here is the newly adjusted scheduling for Tynelia's home matches as organizers keep their fingers crossed for no further changes .

Home dates
MD 1- Vs. Kristovenia @ Ice Bowl
MD 3- Vs. Commerce Heights JSY @ Sun Stadia
MD 4- Vs. Green Wombat @ Presidential Coliseum
MD 7- Vs. Jaredcohenia @ Sun Stadia
MD10- Vs. Arridia @ Presidential Coliseum

My apologises to all, I have gone through the macro that I used to generate fixtures and have made improvements to make it in-line with the actual algorithm used in NSFS & Leagion.

The fixtures have been updated both the first post and the detailed post later on. My apologises for all but everyone should agree that this updated schedule should be better.

Az-cz Scroll
Az-cz
Il-Lur

Robbers fans upset with tinkering in the schedule

The world cup hosts announced a change in the schedule and it seems as if the Pink & Green has been punished for standing up for the rights of other teams. From a balanced schedule to one that now has them playing their first three and four of their first five games away, including opening away to Fmjphoenix and Cafundeu.
Most who follow the world cup in Az-cz are simply amazed at the inability of the hosts to generate a fair and balanced schedule for all teams. A senior official in the scheduling department had this to comment. "What are they doing over there? When our scheduling expert sat down to develop a schedule we came up with a schedule that had all teams playing at least two home games and two away games in each half of the schedule and never having more than two home or away games in a row in literally five minutes (see Diagram A). When we held the cup in Az-cz we had 10 team groups with non-repeating schedules and still were able to accheive such. For six team groups with a repeating schedule it's something that probably even elementary schoolers could do. I think they just get so worked up in their danged computers."
The Az-cz fans were a little less charitable. Jo-Ronz of Ji-wa town believes the Bazalopes have turned against the Gnomes in jealousy over Az-czid success. "First they steal our coaches, then they give us a really tough group, and then the rearrange the schedule to make our start as difficult as possible. You find me one other team that has to play their three highest ranked opponents away to start the qualifiers." Others think that their was no foul play just a lot of incompetence. Knt-0 of Es-Ef complained about the general lack of preparedness. "These should be two of the most dependable countries in the world. Bazalonia is the home of the WCC president and the Clans hosted the cup just four tournaments ago with Vilita. Yet we've already had the TLC disappearance and this schedule debacle. Not impressive." Still most Az-czzers aren't that worried. As Knt-0 said, "still it shouldn't matter. If we can't overcome this we don't deserve any success." And in the end that's the truth. The world's third best team shouldn't be deterred by details such as scheduling. Let's just hope the Gnomes can live up to their rank.

Diagram A

MD 1: 1 vs. 6, 2 vs. 5, 3 vs. 4
MD 2: 5 vs. 1, 4 vs. 2, 6 vs. 3
MD 3: 1 vs. 4, 2 vs. 3, 6 vs. 5
MD 4: 3 vs. 1, 2 vs. 6, 4 vs. 5
MD 5: 1 vs. 2, 5 vs. 3, 6 vs. 4
Break for Friendlies
MD 6: 6 vs. 1, 5 vs. 2, 4 vs. 3
MD 7: 1 vs. 5, 2 vs. 4, 3 vs. 6
MD 8: 4 vs. 1, 3 vs. 2, 5 vs. 6
MD 9: 1 vs. 3, 6 vs. 2, 5 vs. 4
MD 10: 2 vs. 1, 3 vs. 5, 4 vs. 6

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/FAWA%20Logo.jpg
Cafundeu Notices Similar Media Style; Alarm Bells Ring In Herat

Western Afghanistan's national television network Wind Kings Television issued a statement of apology this morning for using a similar media style (for match reporting) to the nation of Cafundeu, who are fellow occupants of group 2 with the Sorkh-o-siahe. Afraid they would offend the autonomy of Cafundeu's media, WKTV was adamant in stating that they "would never try to freeload off of Cafundeu's success."

Said Under-Secretary of Communications Rajia Shuri: "I suppose we owe the Cafundeu media an apology, though it sounds as if they are quite honored that we are using their distinctive style. But I offer an apology anyway, I've had a hard week: three days ago my husband was nearly shot by the government because he wrote too much poetry. I just need to apologize to someone.

"Wait a minute, should we have to apologize for using the clearly most thorough, engrossing, and informational style of match reporting?"

A voice (who many later suspected was that of Cafundeu's notorious 'The Scout') discreetly muttered "no" in the back of the room.

Shuri promptly paused for nearly a minute before blankly wandering out of the room. The government later expressly denied any involvement in the attempt on Mrs. Shuri's husband's life, however the Council of Ten did later issue a statement of "Official Opinion" which declared rather bluntly that "poetry totally does suck though." When WKTV attempted to reach the Council of Ten for comment, they were apparently indisposed due to the resumption of their Everybody Loves Raymond marathon.

In other news, the revamping of the qualifying match schedule has peeved but not outraged some citizens in Western Afghanistan. Luckily, no Bazalope tooth grenades have been hurled into FAWA Headquarters, so the rescheduling does not appear to have caused great dismay amongst the toilet-paper-clad fanatics.

Upcoming Match:
Patusan - Western Afghanistan
Lineup: Fahifa; Inu, Ruburirin, and Zuneh; Qer, M.Z. Muhammad, Huzish, Hirir, and M.R. Muhammad; Afi and Rushufi
Referee: Sonia Sögard (Ariddia)

MD OPPONENT RESULT
1 at Patusan
2 FMJPHOENIX
3 CAFUNDEU
4 at Az-cz
5 at Swilatia
F at Capitalizt SLANI
6 PATUSAN
7 at Fmjphoenix
8 at Cafundeu
9 AZ-CZ
10 SWILATIA

The Bostopian FA is re-releasing it's fixture and venue list.

MD01: Quakmybush - Bostopia
MD02: Bostopia - Daughrty - Bostopia Stadium, Fort Boston
MD03: Bostopia - Sativaville - - Deepbay Stadium, Port Flamerty
MD04: United Island Empires - Bostopia
MD05: Bettia - Bostopia
FD01: TBA
MD06: Bostopia - Quakmybush - Copsequay Stadium, Fenton
MD07: Daughrty - Bostopia
MD08: Sativaville - Bostopia
MD09: Bostopia - United Island Empires - Landsberg Stadium, Caflin
MD10: Bostopia - Bettia - Bostopia Stadium, Fort Boston

A friendly game half way through the fixtures is something the FA is looking at, but whether we take a friendly is another matter.

Tynelia Playing...Not Much Else Is Certain

Since our last issue it seems the scheduling has once again been changed in this most confusing of World Cups which hasn't even begun yet. What can be said for sure is that Tynelia will indeed be playing in the World Cup and will indeed be playing the other five teams both home and away. The order in which the matches will be played and exactly who will be playing against most Tynelians no feel is like a potluck dinner. Fans vow to appear at one of the three stadiums in Tynelia which shall be hosting matches and cross their fingers that 1) they are in the right stadium and 2) that Tynelia is actually playing a home match that day.

However some fans are taking a more positive spin on things. Said one fan Joe Mellis, "Hey if we can't figure out what's going on the other teams are probably just as confused. Maybe we can get a sweep of Arridia if they show up at the wrong stadiums and we win by forfeit."

Group 8:
Unknown Suburbia
Turori
Squornshelous
The Islands of Qutar
Acapais
Cravan

Squornshelous finds themselves in good shape, placed in a relatively weak Group 8. Our toughest competition wil be from Turori, whom we have done fairly well against in the past, and from The Islands of Qutar. The rest of the group is composed of fairly new and inexperienced teams. The Pschychoes have a great chance to win the group, and qualify for their thirtieth world cup.

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
MD 1: The Islands of Qutar vs. Squornshelous
MD 2: Unknown Suburbia vs. Squornshelous
MD 3: Cravan vs. Squornshelous
MD 4: Squornshelous vs. Acapais
MD 5: Turori vs. Squornshelous
MD 6: Squornshelous vs. The Islands of Qutar
MD 7: Squornshelous vs. Unknown Suburbia
MD 8: Squornshelous vs. Cravan
Friendly: Squornshelous vs. Az-cz
MD 9: Acapais vs. Squornshelous
MD 10: Squornshelous vs. Turori

Wyld Stallyns
WORLD CUP 35 PREVIEW SHOW: Predictions

Ted: I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan

Bill: And I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire

Together: And We're Wyld Stallyns!!

Ted: Welcome to the World Cup 35 preview show, the predictions show!

Bill: But first, the World Cup hosts have changed the schedule, so let's now update that for you:

NEW QUALIFING SCHEDULE:
MD 1: @ Bettia
MD 2: vs. United Island Empires
MD 3: @ Bostopia
MD 4: vs. Quakmybush
MD 5: @ Daughrty
MD 6: vs. Bettia
MD 7: @ United Island Empires
MD 8: vs. Bostopia
MD 9: @ Quakmybush
MD 10: vs. Daughrty


Ted: We'll be right back after this commercial, with our special guest, Abraham Lincoln.

<Bill and Ted enter the phone booth>
<Commercial for SSN's (Sativaville Sports Network) coverage of the TOUR de QAZOX>
<The phone Booth come back, and Bill, Ted and Abe Lincoln come out>

Bill: Welcome back, and we are honored to have the 16th President of the USA, Abraham Lincoln joining us to help preview the rest of the groups.

Abe: I'm pleased to be a part of this show, Might I say something to someone?

Ted: Ok, go right ahead, Mr. President.

Abe: John Wilkes Booth... I hate your guts....

Bill: That's harsh dude, now onto the important part. The Dreaded Group Predictions.

Ted: We're starting off with Group 1, which includes Qazox, Kiryu-shi, Wentland, Delesa, Tolvarus and Errinundera. I think the auto qualifers will be: Errinundera and Wentland, with our good freinds Qazox taking third over a tough Kiryu-shi.

Bill: And in Group 2 we have: Cafundeu, Patusan, Az-cz, Fmjpheonix, Western Afghanistan, and Swilatia. Tough group if not the toughest. Az-cz and Cafundeu will edge out Fmjpheonix and Swilatia for the top two and the two Islamic countries of Patusan and Western Afghanistan will be tough games as well.

Abe: Those picks are self-evident in that you are going for front-runners. I will go out onto a limb and pick from Group 3, which has Kampfers, Vilita, Milchama, The Non-RPing n00b, Atheistic Right and Spruitland. Atheistic Right, although i don't believe in them and Milchama are my picks to go through. Vilita will beat out Spruitland for the 3rd spot.

Ted: Group 4, tough choices here: Jaredcohenia, Ariddia, Tynelia, Kristovenia,
Green Wombat, and Commerce Heights JSY. The defending champs will go through, but as for the last spot, any one of these three can win it: Tynelia, Green wombat and JSY. should be a fight to the finish.

Bill: Group 5 is probably the easiest to pick. Jeruselem and Oliverry should go through no problem, while Ropa-Topia and Lovisa will battle for 3rd.
Rossglass and Abu Omar, soory but you got put in the wrong group this time.

Abe: Group 6 shall see Capitalizt Slani and Geisenfried win while Fort Europe will take third over a improving Turruth Gordur and Jeru FC. Jarris shall be cast out in the cold.

Ted: Group 7 which has the teams of: Kuosio, Bushes Been Quaked, Yafor 2,
Northern Bettia, Schiavonia, and Suze-la-Rousse in it. Yafor 2 and Schiavonia are heads above the field here and will qualify in their sleep. 3rd will go to Northern Bettia. The other 3 will battle for 4th place.

Bill: On to Group 8 with Turori, Squornshelous, and The Islands of Qutar. easily being the top 3 teams in the group. I think Sqourn and Qutar go in automatically, while Turori will get in through the back. the other 3, Acapais,
Cravan and Unknown Suburbia will struggle.

Abe: Group 10 is really tough to pick here. Cataduanes, Willink, The HURD,
Sel Appa, Demot, and Cookesland. Sel Appa and Demot have recent Cup appearances, but don't count out Cataduanes or THE HURD. THE HURD will sneak though in 3rd.

Ted: Group 11, 2 ancient teams, 2 new teams and two veterans make this group interseting. The Archregimancy vs. Alasdair I Frosticus, twice? One of those two teams will win the group, and the other will get third, Who gets second? Assegai Developments slide in. Clesmire, Estresse Intenso and Veitau will ahve to wait 4 more years.

Bill: And the last group, Group 12. St Samuel, Zwangzug, Ulzaxid, Rejistania,
Keyne Island, and Elves Security Forces. ESF shocked the world by making to the semifinals 4 years ago, and they are the favorites to win here. Rejistania, a former Cup winner is sliding a biot of late, but still should get in. Third place will go to Zwangzug over St Samuel and Ulzaxid.


Ted: Well that's all for now, thanks to our Guest, Abraham Lincoln. On our next show, The next co-host will be.... Billy the Kid!

Bill: So Be Excellent to each other Sativaville, Wyld Stallyns Out!

Timothy rushed in with a printout. "I've got the new version of the schedule right here!"

"I still don't know how to read these," Andrew griped. "Are we home or away?"

"Considering that I'm the only one that knows how to-" Simon Ryne tore the paper away from Timothy quite literally: it ripped and fell down.

"We'll take the games as they come, then." Rube tried to sound confident. "All right, rest up. Andrew, could I have a word?"

Rolling his eyes in exaggeration, Andrew walked over. "Just one?"

"I've been keeping up with the Ariddian media-"

"Oh really? Why's that?"

"-and I thought that for once, your research-"

"The project that you keep harping on me to discontinue?"

"Well, yes, that's the one-could come in handy."

Andrew closed his eyes almost blissfully, unable to hide a smirk. "Fire away."

"How tall is an egg?"

For a second Andrew was truly baffled and stared with his mouth half-open. "A couple of inches?"

"No...An Egg."

"Oh. That egg. I have no idea."

"All right then. No problem. But as long as we're on the subject-"

Andrew began walking away.

"-Homer and Doyle are substitutes, and Kau isn't human-"

Andrew deliberately brought his feet down with force, as if to drown out Rube.

"-so any conclusion you'd want to draw would have to take into account..."

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem's World Cup 35 schedule

After WC35 organisers caused more chaos with rescheduling matches, here is the official schedule for Jeruselem's Group 5.

Jeruselem coach Dazza Dallas commented "I don't know, doesn't look much different to me."


Group 5

MD 01:
Lovisa vs. Oliverry,
Rossglass vs. Abu Omar
Jeruselem vs. Ropa-Topia

MD 02:
Oliverry vs. Ropa-Topia
Lovisa vs. Rossglass
Abu Omar vs. Jeruselem

MD 03:
Abu Omar vs. Oliverry
Rossglass vs. Jeruselem
Lovisa vs. Ropa-Topia

MD 04:
Oliverry vs. Rossglass
Ropa-Topia vs. Abu Omar
Lovisa vs. Jeruselem

MD 05:
Jeruselem vs. Oliverry
Rossglass vs. Ropa-Topia
Lovisa vs. Abu Omar

Break for Friendlies

MD 06:
Oliverry vs. Lovisa
Abu Omar vs. Rossglass
Ropa-Topia vs. Jeruselem

MD 07:
Ropa-Topia vs. Oliverry
Rossglass vs. Lovisa
Jeruselem vs. Abu Omar

MD 08:
Oliverry vs. Abu Omar
Jeruselem vs. Rossglass
Ropa-Topia vs. Lovisa

MD 09:
Rossglass vs. Oliverry
Abu Omar vs. Ropa-Topia
Jeruselem vs. Lovisa

MD 10:
Oliverry vs. Jeruselem
Ropa-Topia vs. Rossglass
Abu Omar vs. Lovisa

[ooc - the similarity between my next two posts by separate nations is intentional, and is designed to show how two very different nations might report on the same event in a superficially similar manner]

THE MONASTIC TIMES

TEAMS PREPARE FOR FIRST EVER DREAMED REALM DERBY
"Concern" Raised over Holy Empire Squad

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Monastic football fans across the Archregimancy are preparing themselves in silent contemplation for the must-see footballing event of the World Cup qualifiers... the Dreamed Realm derby match between the Holy Monastic Republic and the Holy Empire. Sources are united in prayer for a successful outcome to the first in a pair of matches that many neutral sources believe hold the key to which team will finish top of the group.

Yet despite the excitement - increased by the news that the Patriarch of Alasdairopolis, head of both the OCHE and the autonomous Holy Synod of the Archregimancy, will personally lead the pre-match liturgy - concerns have been raised in some of the more conservative quarters of the Archregimancy over the nature of the Imperial squad in this first-ever competitive match between the teams.

"One must, of course, have faith that his Imperial Majesty, God's Vice-Gerent in the Dreamed Realm, would not permit true evil to permeate his Empire" said one typical anonymous source "yet this whole 'fusion' of professional footballers with well-known figures from other realities.... does this not smack of genetic experimentation of the sort banned by the Church? Who is this Vonmadscientisto? Why does he play at being God? I fear for the souls of our opponents should these potentially warped experiments get out of hand.... Where will things end? With a team of animals featuring a tree in goal? You scoff now.... but is such an evil outcome so unbelievable?"

Others are merely wondering whether being coached by Imperial legend Juan Tzimisces will give the Archregimancy any advantage over the coach's former team.

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

TEAMS PREPARE FOR FIRST EVER DREAMED REALM DERBY
"Concern" Raised over Archregimancy Coach

By Anna Comneno

Football fans across the Holy Empire are preparing themselves in silent contemplation for the must-see footballing event of the World Cup qualifiers... the Dreamed Realm derby match between the Holy Empire and the Archregimancy. Sources are united in hoping for a successful outcome to the first in a pair of matches that many neutral sources believe hold the key to which team will finish top of the group.

Yet despite the excitement - increased by the news that His Majesty the Basileus has sent a personal message to both squads - concerns have been raised in some quarters of the Holy Empire Football Association over the presence of legendary Imperial player and coach Juan Tzimisces on the Archregimancy bench.

"One must, of course, have faith that Juan will not allow his long-standing association with HEFA to influence his approach to the match " said one typical anonymous source "yet his inside knowledge of the Imperial squad - despite the very different nature thereof this World Cup - and HEFA organisation might well give the monks some sort of advantage. He is, after all, the man who essentially singlehandedly designed the attacking 'frosty football' style that's taken us to the top ten position we enjoy today. If anyone knows how to counter our overlapping wingers Guevara and Urk, it's Juan."

Others are merely wondering whether the frankly insane decision to place An Egg in the Imperial goal will give the Archregimancy any further advantage over the senior nation.

Even more Pre-MD1 Friendlies:

Sel Appa 2 - Kiryu-shi 0
Sel Appa 8 - Veitau 1
Bostopia 1 - Sel Appa 2
Swilatia 0 - Jeruselem 0
Capitalizt SLANI 4 - Commerce Heights JSY 2

Jeruselem Government News

"We're ready" says the Bike

Jeruselem World Cup 35 coach Dazza Dallas "The Village Bike" declared her team was ready. After playing two friendlies - beating Bostopia FOUR TWO at home and drawing NIL ALL with Swilatia in Swilatia, the coach was happy with preparations.

She said "Well, our new attacking focus seems to be working better. Last World Cup, we didn't score enough goals all cup and that loss to Oliverry really hurt when we should have grabbed the game if we had scored. We do face Oliverry again but the draw has been kind to us. I'm sad Nedalia is not in this cup but hope they will be back next cup. We wish Bettia the best of luck with such good teams in their group and our army team Jeru FC need divine intervention win anything."

When asked about what she was doing the money from the DazMania auction, Dazza said
"I'm saving it up for new TV show, but the meantime we're just going keep the current programming going. When this cup is over, I have plans! Big plans. OK, it's going be a kids show but that's all I'm going to say."

When we spoke to Debbie Dallas about her team Jeru FC she said
"Dazza did a great job with this team during the Oxen Cup 1 but in reality, the World Cup is too much for this team. I'm being real. I fully expect us to be last - but we'll just do our best. We have a tough group and all our opponents will want to trample all over Jeru FC. If you see a TEN NIL scoreline, don't be surprised."

Jeruselem captain Monique Alexander said she is retiring from football after the World Cup 35 to concentrate on her other job (making dirty movies). She said
"I'm getting older and my body isn't standing up to it anymore. I'm not giving up on football but no more playing for me. I'll still watch football and maybe help out with some coaching but it's time for the new generation like Dinkie Dosha to take over. I see a newer generation too, with girls like Kate Dallas coming through the ranks."

YEAR 3421 Day 290
PLACE FORMER COUNTRY OF QAZOX, Q CONTINUUM
TIME 0030 STANDARD


As La-Yo began to near the area where the computer told him the Two-horned Wombox was located, a bright flash of white light surrounded him and the immediate area. After a couple of seconds, the lght dissapated and in front of him stood a man.

"Who are you?" asked La-Yo, to the man, who appeared to be holding a gun in one hand and a weirdly shaped device in the other.

"Is this Oxana?" the strange man asked.

"Oxana? Never heard of it, how did you get here?" La-Yo asked.

"Not Oxana? Is this Hell then?" the man replied looking around.

"Um, not hell either, but kinda close. Would you mind putting your gun away?" La-Yo answered, as his array beeped.

"What is that? and where am I?" Asked the man, who sat down on the ground.

"It's a quadsensor array, and you are in the remains of Fromburg, located in Qazox in the Q Continuum" La-Yo said. "My ship's computer is beeping me, stay where you are, there are dangerous animals around here, I think."

As the man began to mutter to himself, La-Yo opened his array and looked at the message his ship had sent to him. It said: LEVEL 4 TACHYON DISTURBANCE. CENTERED 5 METERS TO THE NORTHEAST OF YOUR POSITION. . La-Yo turned that direction and saw the man, who was still mumbling to himself.

"Sir, according to my ship's computer, there's a tachyon disturbance and it's coming from near you, so how did you get here again?" La-yo asked, slowly reaching for his quantum gun.

"Stop calling me sir, I've always hated it. The name is Kyle Cartman, and as to how I got here, No idea, unless PROJECT COBALT did it." Kyle replied.

"PROJECT COBALT? I have no idea what that is, but my array is telling me that the thing in your hand is a tachyon transmitter, and those are illegal." La-Yo said, still slowly reaching for the quantum gun.

"Illegal? Not in the Q-Continuum, I think, just what is a tachyon transmitter anyway, and who are you?" Kyle replied.

"A Tachyon transmitter is a device that can allow one to travel though time, if used properly, if not, it causes a tachyon casade, which according to the history files, occured here about 1500 years ago." La-Yo said.

"1500 YEARS?? What year is it? You said I was in the ruins of Fromburg, how did you know that and who are you?" Kyle said, reaching for his gun.

La-Yo fired at Kyle and stunned him. "Computer, lock on to the man located 5 meters north of my position and beam him to the ship. Beam me there on 3 second delay. I got to make a call."

Hi, Winthrop Tuesday here, reporting from a secret location in the ground. As you know Norman Hacker has banned me after my critical articles about his stewardship of the national team and his driving away of three players to seek their fortunes in Cafundeu. They are all in the squad but none are playing today

Meanwhile it is a pleasure to engage with the cheery proletariat once again, well amidst my favourite readers and listeners. Already I have enjoyed banter with fellow travellers who have used such terms as tosser, wanker and toffee-nosed twat, and I have taken it all in the good hearted spirit in which it is made.

I am looking forward to today's match, whoever we are playing, and confident of another disastrous defeat under Hacker's woeful interregnum.

The Schiavone Scribe
Schiavones Find Draw "Suspicious"

With the ever growing popularity of the show All Possibilities on Schiavone television, the usual reaction to the World Cup draw, one of content but caution, was replaced by one in which Schiavone fans were looking to see if anything untoward was happening.

And, lo and behold, they found plenty of things to be suspicious about. From the fact that there are a lot of dark horses in the group to the dubious idea that Schiavonia's new captain David Jones is, in fact, Northern Bettian. Which really is rubbish.

Anyway, this is the order in which Schiavonia will play their opponents, and some of the suspicious, and often quite ludicrous, things Schiavone fans have been saying about them.

Bushes Been Quaked Away MD1, Home MD6
A team that Schiavonia played in their last qualifying campaign, and easily beat twice. The same would be expected to happen this time, but not according to some Schiavone fans. They are of the opinion that Schiavonia will now be doomed to play the BBQ forever, until they manage at least a draw against us. Thus to break the cycle, we have to drop some points against them somewhere along the line. How ludicrous does that sound?

Northern Bettia Home MD2, Away MD7
A nation that, in these days of great suspicion, many Schiavones don't really trust. So much so that Schiavonia will play their first ever qualifier away from the KFS against the Fire Ants. It will be played at Sedgefield Park in Sedgefield, a 57,000 stadium where Schaivonia have played only once before, drawing one-all with Rejistania in the finals of World Cup 30. Still, some fans think that there is something afoot, feeling that this is the WCC's way of making the teams play each other fairly after all the Northern Bettians were sent to fight giant rabbits instead of attending the two sides' fixture in the Dreamed Realm last cup. Needless to say, Schiavonia won easily. Also needless to say that only a Schiavone would think of it as unfair.

Kuosio Home MD3, Away MD8
Back to the KFS for Kuosio, winners of the latest Baptism of Fire tournament. or Frost, if you like that kind of thing. The suspicions cast here are that the Sloths have been deliberately placed with the team most similar in style to their own. Nice to each other, absent of malice, interchanging of positions... it'd almost be like a domestic Schiavone match. Of course, it would be the equivalent of a team just promoted to SchiavTwo against a decent SchaivOne team. Anyway, the theory goes that if they beat us at our own game, although a slightly more defensive version of it, then we're done for. Of course, these people are idiots, as Kuosio are nothing like Schiavonia. Well, other than the niceness. We see them as more like a new Errinundera, hence why they seemed to do so well over there. We've though these arguments through for one, you know!

Yafor 2 Away MD4, Home MD9
The Yaforites never really pushed on into the upper echelons of international football likemany thought they would, but are still a force to be reckoned with. Most of the conspiracies here are more about them actually still lingering around than anything anti-Schiavone.

Suze-la-Rousse Away MD5, Home MD10
Finally, a nation with no conspiracies about it. Mainly because we've never heard of them, and they're here to make the numbers up. However, that brings with it a whole new set of theories, as this cup sees the lowest entry levels for a World Cup in years. This qualifying will have twelve groups of six, which, when added to the two hosts, gives a total entry of just 74 teams. Compare this to when Schiavonia hosted twenty years ago. Qualifying then was fifteen groups of eight, plus two hosts. 122 teams, a decrease of almost 40%. A slump in worldwide popularity, if you will. Then you get nations like Suze-la-Rousse, and people start to wonder if it's all still worth it.

Of course, it is. And hopefully Schiavonia can qualify. Their long unbeaten qualifying run came to an end against Okielahoma, which was a shambolic performance and a shame that they wouldn't be challenging for Sarzonia's all time record this time around. Another unbeaten run (highly unlikely, we know) would have been enough, and will only increase speculation amongst Schiavonia's fans about Tony Tarmey's frame of mind before that game, and as to why David Jones didn't play.

Still, it's all in the past now. BBQ are up next. We won 5-1 there last cup. A repeat wouldn't be bad! Unlikely, though.

Brian Marne was arguing with the referee in the player's tunnel.

[Marne] The ball crossed the line! It should have been two all!

[Poll] Look, Brian, if I didn't see it cross the line, I can't do anything about it, and won't do anything about it now, apart from maybe report you if you keep going on.

[Marne] And the Sel Appan captain should have got a second yellow!

[Poll] Why?

[Marne] He looked at me funny! That's unsportsman-like conduct.

[Poll] Brian, you lost to Sel Appa, just let it go.

Poll walked off toward his dressing room, but Brian shouted after him.

[Marne] Easy for you to say! You're not the one facing the press!

---The Channel 9 Studios, Downtown Fort Boston---

Kelly Firth is presenting the 10 O'clock News

[Firth] Our top story tonight - controversy in tonight's football match between Sel Appa and Bostopia, as a shot by Harry Cripps, which was shown to have crossed the goal line to make it two - one to Bostopia was not given by the match referee, Gary Poll. For more on the story, we can cross to the...what? This is ridiculous...for more on the story, we can go live to me in the studio. Kelly?

The camera angle changes to a view where Kelly has to turn to face the camera.

Thanks Kelly. (This is stupid!). Yes, that's right Kelly, the shot by Cripps, hit from 30 yards out, hit the underside of the crossbar, and bounced over the line - you can see it now on the replay - before bouncing out of the goal. As the Bostopian players wheeled away in celebration, the referee ruled it had not crossed the line, and waved play on, giving Sel Appa the chance to equalise into the open net, as goalkeeper Peter Jeffers was at the other end of the field celebrating. That goal proved decisive, as Sel Appa went on to win the game by two goals to one.

There was small rioting in Fort Boston tonight, with many Sel Appan shops and businesses being attacked by hardcore elements of the Bostopian crowd, in what is being billed as the first major hooligan event in Bostopian football for 24 years. There has been no word from the Emperor or any high-ranking Bostopian authority, but Sel Appan community leaders are calling for vigilence from the police in dealing with the crisis. And with that, back to you in the studio, Kelly.

The camera angle changes back.

Thanks, Kelly. And onto our next story...

http://www.americantobaccohistoricdistrict.com/images/media/cbc_logo.jpg

World Sports

Hello and welcome to World Cup 35! I'm Milchama Notthenation Banks (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Milchama_Banks) reporting from Coricas on all the latest plays and game info and everthing on The Blue Knights.

With me on our coverage will be my good friends, Lostelle Caelia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Lostelle_Caelia), and The Blue Eyed Man (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/The_Blue_Eyed_Man) who will discuss over everything.

L & TBEM: Thanks, Milchama.

M: Here's the grouping for World Cup 35, Cookesland is in Group 10



Cataduanes
Willink
The HURD
Sel Appa
Demot
Cookesland

TBEM: Some new faces, an one old one. I think we've played Demot once before, haven't we?

L: Apparently so...any new change-ups in the team from the past two cups?

M:Some newer players, but the biggest change is the new head coach, Richard Summers, who can hopefully lead the team to greater victories this time around.

M: ................AND now for the match-ups, schedules, and assorted whoo-haa:


Cataduanes:
MD 1 & 6

Wilink:
MD 2 & 7

The HURD:
MD 3 & 8

Sel Appa:
MD 4 & 9

Demot:
MD 5 & 10

M: and there you have it for now all we can do is cheer the team and tell Cataduanes to watch out, we're coming for them.

“Good afternoon, sports fans. I am Mikaela Eyre, and this is the Assegai Sports Network. Today we will be taking a look at the opponents Assegai Developments will face during qualifying for Nation States World Cup XXXV.”

Mikaela brushes back a few strands of her dark red hair and shuffles a few papers as a huge high-definition monitor descends from the studio’s ceiling. It flickers to life with the Assegai Developments National Football Team logo.

“First let’s talk about changes with the national team, and none was much bigger than the resignation of longtime manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga, who left the team after their dismal performance at Nation States World Cup XXXIV, on the heels of a sluggish qualifying run. Looking for a fresh perspective, Assegai looked to legendary Elves Security Forces retired footballer Zacharius, who has taken the reigns of the national team.

“Although there wasn’t a huge shakeup in the roster, Zacharius introduced a younger starting 11 that is bristling with strength and speed in every position, especially at forward and at goalkeeper. Some popular veterans will be sharing the bench with a crop of up-and-comers that have made their mark on the Assegai Pro-League.”

The monitor shows an image of Zacharius at an Assegai practice session.

“Assegai has a lot of potential and I am here to unlock that potential and a lot more,” he says. “We’re facing two very difficult opponents in Alasdair I Frosticus and The Archregimancy, who will no doubt give us a very difficult time. Then, there’s Estresse Intenso, who we can’t overlook and two unranked teams, who are always a threat for an upset. We have a lot of work ahead of us. Never rest easy.”

The shot goes back to Mikaela.

“Now, let’s take a look at Assegai’s opponents in Group 11.”

No. 9 – Alasdair I Frosticus
One of Nation State’s heavyweights. Alasdair I Frosticus has demanded that the international media refer to them as “The Holy Empire.” Whatever the team calls itself, they are still a monster of a squad, and whether it’s a display of hubris or the rest of the team is really that good, the squad has an egg playing keeper. A victory over The Holy Empire seems highly unlikely, but Assegai has defeated two No. 1 teams in the past.

No. 17 – The Archregimancy
The Monastic Football Association continues with their tradition of fielding a squad of anonymous monks, which has brought them great success in the past. Without a scouting report, the monks are probably a more dangerous opponent than The Holy Empire. Again, a victory over the monks is highly unlikely, but if Assegai is to pull off any upsets in this qualifying run, the monks are the target.

No. 51 – Estresse Intenso
This team is a heart attack waiting to happen. Already dealing with a society that has to deal with an increased stress level, the Portuguese-speaking Estresse Intenso squad is made of doctors. Assegai Developments should be wary of this opponent, but if things go as planned, Estresse Intenso won’t be much of a threat.

No. 118 – Veitau
The Veitau squad is one of the strangest squads Assegai will ever face. The Riskbreakers will have to deal with a team that includes pigs, chimps, a seal, elephant, dog and tree, in addition to several human players. Assegai should be very careful not to get distracted by this motley crew.

No. 142 – Clesmire
Nothing is known about this team, which is always a dangerous prospect. Nonetheless, they have very little to no international experience and should be an easy opponent for Assegai, who will be very careful to avoid an upset loss to an unranked squad as happened in NSWC XXXIV qualifiers.

Predicted Order of Finish
The Archregimancy
Alasdair I Frosticus
Assegai Developments
Estresse Intenso
Veitau
Clesmire

The shot goes back to Mikaela.

“If Assegai can beat up on the teams ranked below them and deal out one or two upsets from the two giants above them, the Riskbreakers should be a healthy third and will qualify for their third Proper.

“For now, that is all from the Assegai Sports Network. This is Mikaela Eyre wishing you a good afternoon. Thank you for tuning in!”

United Petrol Seeks to Subsidize Foreign Stadiums
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/up.png
Bringing clean, quality energy to Sel Appa.

Sel Appan energy corporation United Petrol is scouting foreign nations that need new stadiums built. Particularly, they will be looking at newer countries to the World Cup. UP has stated it will subsidize most of the construction costs in exchange for being the leading sponsor for the home team of that stadium and the stadium is to be named United Petrol (Stadium, Field, Park,...). Any countries who have interest should contact the company (TG Sel Appa).

Kiryu-shi Getting Back Into Form

By Michio Hibbert

Sakaino, Kiryu-shi A home pre-World Cup Friendly ended in a two nil loss for the Kiryu-shi Dragons. They were clearly outplayed by a strong Sel Appa squad that won three friendlies in a very short amount of time prior to their opening match of qualification. Kiryu-shi got off to a very slow start, and seemed lost at times during the first half. The Turtles from Sel Appa took advantage, and capitalized on two bad plays from the back line, one where a lazy pass from Isaac Levi was intercepted, and another when keeper Jon Crow's deflection was not cleared out in time. Kiryu-shi looked slightly better in the second half, but they were not able to get together any kind of decent threat, and the game ended with a shut out. Kiryu-shi will have to play better come qualifications. Their wing play was especially weak, as Pat Mayberry was completely shut down and the side backs were not precise with their passing. Hopefully they will rebound from this match to start their qualification round quickly.

____In a related note, the Kiryu-shi schedule was rearanged so that their home and away matches are now completely staggered. The schedule seems much more fair and balanced, as they now have no streaks of home or away matches.

Group Draw

MD 1: Estresse Intenso vs. Veitau
MD 2: Veitau vs. Clesmire (National Stadium, Veitau City)
MD 3: Alasdair I Frosticus vs. Veitau
MD 4: Veitau vs. The Archregimancy (Veitau Stadium, Veitau City)
MD 5: Assegai Developments vs. Veitau

Intermission

MD 6: Veitau vs. Estresse Intenso (National Stadium, Veitau City)
MD 7: Clesmire vs. Veitau
MD 8: Veitau vs. Alasdair I Frosticus (Veitau Stadium, Veitau City)
MD 9: The Archregimancy vs. Veitau
MD 10: Veitau vs. Assegai Developments (National Stadium, Veitau City)

A huge loss 1-8 in a friendly against Sel Appa is a grim preview of Veitau's qualifiers. However, it was just a friendly and the team is probably going to be more focused during the actual qualifiers. Veitau faces four established nations in the World Cup and will have to work hard if they intend to do well. Three of the teams in the group are in the top 50. Estresse Intenso is ranked 55th. Veitau, in comparison is 118th and Clesmire finishes the group at 142nd. The Pride's diverse team has interested many, notably Kau the tree goalkeeeper. The team will, regardless, gain valuable experience to use in the next qualifiers. They are proud and content with their finally playing internationally. They will visit many new and interesting places and represent their nation to the world.

A somewhat significant problem for Veitau is that there are only two stadiums that can have a international match: National Stadium (45,000) and Veitau Stadium (32,000). If the team does well enough, it is possible a grant could fund a third, much bigger stadium might be built. The VFA is also looking for external grants from foreign campanies who may see promise in the Veitau team.

RP Cut OFF!

MD1 Scores found HERE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12717040&postcount=1)

Back in the present/past:

ROCKPORT WORLD NEWS, Channel 7

The main story of the day, bumping even Qazox' upset of highly ranked Errinundera in World Cup Qualifiers; is the news out of Fromburg. A Tachyon Casade eminating from Qazox Temporal Enterprises, a company that was started in 1901, to deal with temporal anomalies such as The Noveen Conjuction of 1900; has has a temporal expolsion. At the moment there are no confirmed number of dead, but at least 180 people have been sent to Fromburg Hospital with Tachyon posioning. The Cascade is slowly growing, at about a rate of 2 inches an hour. Top scientists from around the country are working on a way to stop the casade, and possibly impode it. An international call for scientists has been made by Frank Young, our Current National Leader. More on this story as it develops.

<Skip ahead to sports>

As mentioned at the top of our program, the World Cup Qualifers have begun, and Qazox stole 3 points from one of the better teams in the world, Errinundera, with a 2-1 victory. The Errinundera press,has not released the names of their players as of yet, but they scored in the 26th minute to go up 1-nil. But the young Black Oxen team showed pose beyond their years as Tomas Richter managed to tie the match a 1-1 in the 57th minute. Yancy Fry added the winner in the 73rd. Up next for Qazox is a trip home to take on Wentland. The game will be here in Rockport at Vamana Stadium. All 48,000 tickets have been sold, but there is an expected 800 standing room seats available one hour before the match.



And now back to the future/present:
YEAR 3421 Day 290
PLACE FORMER COUNTRY OF QAZOX, Q CONTINUUM
TIME 0100 STANDARD

"Sir, I have possibly found a Level 4 tachyon transmitter. A man called Kyle Cartman was in possession of it, near the center of the Tachyon Cascade epicenter." La-Yo said to his commander through the vispanel.

"You said that he seemed to appear out of nowhere, when the flash of light occured, correct?" His commander replied, stoking his beard.

"Yes. He was disoriented and I had to stun him. He's currently in my ship's holding cell. I dis-armed him and ran a full level-2 bio-scan. He is Qazoxian and is from the time period of the Casade, but there was something unusual with his scan. According to it, he was over 200 years old, but looked no older than 50." La-Yo answered.

"That's impossible, Qazox had no such record of beings like that. Are you sure that the reading were not thrown off by the tachyon levels?" the commander asked, leaning forward in his chair.

"I had the bio-scanner automatically correct for the tachyons, and i ran a Level-3 bio-scan as well. It said the same thing, Kyle Cartman is at least 200 years old, despite looking a quarter of that age." La-Yo replied. "Sir, what shall I do with him?"

"Do you have this PROJECT COBALT, as he called it, with you?" the commander asked.

"Yes, but it is now completely inert. It will not be of any use to the Confederation." La-Yo said.

"Bring it anyway, I'd like to met this person for myself. Commander Sauter out." With that the screen went blank.

Wyld Stallyns
WORLD CUP 35 SHOW

Ted: I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan

Bill: And I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire

Together: And We're Wyld Stallyns!!

Ted: And today is the first WORLD CUP 35 SHOW

Bill: Excellent. We have our guest, Billy the Kid already, so no phone booth this time.

Billy the Kid: Yeee-Haaaaw!

Ted: Today's match saw the Potheads travel to Bettia, one of the best teams in the world.

Bill: We lost 2-1, but it was a close match though out.

Billy the Kid: Yeah, they stole it in the last minute, just like I used to.

Ted: The Potheads got off to a good start when in the 29th minute, when Clinton Lichtenberg scored his first international goal.

Bill: The crowd at Tiddles Park in Gabalfa was pretty silent until the 56th minute when Andi Busilanta managed to knock on past Javier Kogan.

Billy the Kid: I knew a lady named Gabalfa once, she had the purtiest eyes I ever did see, think they were green.

Ted: Lucky for us, Sativaville hates red almost as much as Bettia.

Bill: Red is not a good color here, unless its your eyes, or at the end of a joint.

Billy the Kid: Speaking of which, how much are ya gonna give me when I go back? Jesse James and the Earp brothers are bugging me for some stuff.

Ted: Enough to last you for a while. Anyway the last minute goal by Peri Busilanta sent the home side into a frenzy and the final whistle blew about a minute later.

Bill: So not a great start, but we only lost by one goal at one of the toughest places to play in the world.

Billy the Kid: A good job by the Potheads.

Ted: True, up next is a home match against United Island Empires. Your predictions?

Bill: Sativaville 3- UIE 2

Billy the Kid: A 2-2 draw.

Ted: Well that's all for now, thanks to our Guest, Billy the Kid. On our next show, The next co-host will be.... Ludvig van Beethoven!

Bill: So Be Excellent to each other Sativaville, Wyld Stallyns Out!

Back in the present/past:

ROCKPORT WORLD NEWS, Channel 7

The main story of the day, bumping even Qazox' upset of highly ranked Errinundera in World Cup Qualifiers; is the news out of Fromburg. A Tachyon Casade eminating from Qazox Temporal Enterprises, a company that was started in 1901, to deal with temporal anomalies such as The Noveen Conjuction of 1900; has has a temporal expolsion. At the moment there are no confirmed number of dead, but at least 180 people have been sent to Fromburg Hospital with Tachyon posioning. The Cascade is slowly growing, at about a rate of 2 inches an hour. Top scientists from around the country are working on a way to stop the casade, and possibly impode it. An international call for scientists has been made by Frank Young, our Current National Leader. More on this story as it develops.

<Skip ahead to sports>

As mentioned at the top of our program, the World Cup Qualifers have begun, and Qazox stole 3 points from one of the better teams in the world, Errinundera, with a 2-1 victory. The Errinundera press,has not released the names of their players as of yet, but they scored in the 26th minute to go up 1-nil. But the young Black Oxen team showed pose beyond their years as Tomas Richter managed to tie the match a 1-1 in the 57th minute. Yancy Fry added the winner in the 73rd. Up next for Qazox is a trip home to take on Wentland. The game will be here in Rockport at Vamana Stadium. All 48,000 tickets have been sold, but there is an expected 800 standing room seats available one hour before the match.



And now back to the future/present:
YEAR 3421 Day 290
PLACE FORMER COUNTRY OF QAZOX, Q CONTINUUM
TIME 0100 STANDARD

"Sir, I have possibly found a Level 4 tachyon transmitter. A man called Kyle Cartman was in possession of it, near the center of the Tachyon Cascade epicenter." La-Yo said to his commander through the vispanel.

"You said that he seemed to appear out of nowhere, when the flash of light occured, correct?" His commander replied, stoking his beard.

"Yes. He was disoriented and I had to stun him. He's currently in my ship's holding cell. I dis-armed him and ran a full level-2 bio-scan. He is Qazoxian and is from the time period of the Casade, but there was something unusual with his scan. According to it, he was over 200 years old, but looked no older than 50." La-Yo answered.

"That's impossible, Qazox had no such record of beings like that. Are you sure that the reading were not thrown off by the tachyon levels?" the commander asked, leaning forward in his chair.

"I had the bio-scanner automatically correct for the tachyons, and i ran a Level-3 bio-scan as well. It said the same thing, Kyle Cartman is at least 200 years old, despite looking a quarter of that age." La-Yo replied. "Sir, what shall I do with him?"

"Do you have this PROJECT COBALT, as he called it, with you?" the commander asked.

"Yes, but it is now completely inert. It will not be of any use to the Confederation." La-Yo said.

"Bring it anyway, I'd like to met this person for myself. Commander Sauter out." With that the screen went blank.

OOC: Eri had posted his roster and indeed was the first to do so... The link is in the first post

<Dinkie Dosha and Dazza Dallas in Jeruselem World Cup centenary dresses>

Dinkie: Welcome! This is THE FOOTBALL LIFE! I'm Dinkie Dosha and this is ... you know.
Dazza: Dazza Dallas aka The Village Bike. I also happen the coach of Jeruselem team!
Dinkie: It's the world Cup 35 proper - no more friendies. It's started!
Dazza: The business end, when we find out who's ready or who's not. The sharp end comes in the finals where we do have the best playing.

Dinkie: Today Jeruselem took on a tricky team called Ropa-Topia which is not named by anyone who comes from Az-cz.
Dazza; Ropa-Topia are a contender for the top three in Group 5 so we could not take then lightly.
Dinkie: I took Dazza's advice tripping over yourself as not productive and managed to score a goal, actually three.
Dazza: Yes, Dinkie here scored a hat-trick! I really think you had far too much energy drink today there Dinkie.

Dinkie: Don't worry coach, next game I'll probably play like crap. You know what I'm like.
Dazza: Just keep on scoring goals there. We need more of them.
Dinkie: I'll try there coach.
Dazza: Oh yes we beat Ropa-Topia THREE NIL. A great scoreline considering our opponent's rank. They aren't a bunch of spring chickens.

Dinkie: Oliverry kicked off the World Cup 35 with ONE NIL win over veteran Lovisa. Not the most impressive scoreline but it's win.
Dazza: Lovisa are getting better with it's new team every cup so don't write off Lovisa but they are not an Ariddia.
Dinkie: Dazza, you aren't going start speaking French now? Everytime we mention Oliverry, you go all French.
Dazza: Que vous fait la parole cela?

Dinkie: Moving right along! Here's an interesting game. Two new teams Abu Omar and Rossglass played each other.
Dazza: And Abu Omar took maximum points winning TWO NIL and taking 2nd spot in Group 5 on goal difference. Now, that's how you start a World Cup campaign for a rookie team.
Dinkie: Not best start for Rossglass losing to a team which it could have beaten, but it's only match day 1.
Dazza: So no upsets in Group 5.

Dinkie: The table should show Jeruselem, Abu Omar, Oliverry, Lovisa, Rossglass and Ropa-Topia in that order because it's not hard to work out.
Dazza: Moving to review the result for out buddies - excluding Nedalia who aren't in this cup.
Dinkie: Jeru FC made their World Cup today - and well got their first point. They drew 2 ALL with Jariss! Your sister is genius.
Dazza: Hey hey, don't get too excited. Jariss is good but it's the big test as the other teams in that Group 6 are ones to worried about. But our army team got their first point which is a big thing for the first game. As for my sister being a genius, it's all in the family! You should know that Dinkie.

Dinkie: Speaking of geniuses, Bettia. The world Cup 33 champs! They had a hard game - Sativaville! The Potheads are not a team to dismiss from contention for this cup and Bettians had fight in TWO ONE scrap over Stoners.
Dazza: Yes, but in the absense of Nedalia - Bettia are our other favourite non-Jeruselem team. Nous soutiendrons nos amis!
Dinkie: Man, I have learn French.
Dazza: N'inquiétez pas Dinkie, Dazza vous dépannera.

Dinkie: YAP YAP - the topic is DazMania. Sorry to hear your show is now gone.
Dazza: Yes, but I did get a good return from the auction.
Dinkie: So, what's next?
Dazza: A secret! A new kids show - first I have to win this world Cup 35.

Dinkie: A kids show? You're good with kids - making them and taking care of them.
Dazza: Yes, I used to be a babysitter once. I need the money for my football career to start. No shortage of customers either, everyone I knew had kids in the family.
Dinkie: Me too. Jewish family - lots of kids! Not counting the kids of relatives too.
Dazza: Now, want to learn French there Dinkie?

Dinkie: Considering the assistant coach and you yabber on in French all the time, yes.
Dazza: Hey, I'm going to the entire football life in French when we play Oliverry.
Dinkie: Err, how are the viewers going understand you?
Dazza: Subtitles Dinkie.



Group 5
Lovisa 0 Oliverry 1
Rossglass 0 Abu Omar 2
Jeruselem 3 Ropa-Topia 0

Group 6
Jariss 2 Jeru FC 2

Group 9
Bettia 2 Sativaville 1

OOC: Eri had posted his roster and indeed was the first to do so... The link is in the first post

(ooc: I clicked on the link and the link didn't have a roster on it, so how can I post their scorer?? sorry of the OOC in here :eek:)

It was a chance for him to visit Vilita himself, and an opportunity that he couldn't miss out on. Leon Green had just arrived in Timiocato, Pacitalia for the flight to the Vilitan Cove.

Strange enough news of the "Cascade" in Qazox had reached him and he started to ponder time-technology himself. He was smart enough to know just how dangerous it was but what concerned himself the most was those that were not as smart and would tamper with the entire history of the world... who knows what could happen with just one single apparently small different could blow out to over even 10 years.

The entire flight he was pondering this and what he could do to this, the only answer, through the gun and intelligence. Vilita... the headquarters for the Vilitan Orbital Intelligence Agency, or VOIA, nah, that was too secure and they would surely be watching him due to the actions of the Great Lion and the fact that he was the head of AFA.

--- Meanwhile back in Atheistic Right ---

"I can't believe were gonna do this, Worm!" exclaimed Hummingbird

"Just don't get to excited on me, alright.. We've got a lot of work to do before we even try to get this working properly."

"This is going to work, I'm so excited!"

"Good for you... however we still need a few things... Luckily we'll be able to get most of it from The non-RPing n00b. Ironic since it's now part of the world-wide religious conspiracy."

Hummingbird laughed... "What else do we need..."

"We need to get something from Milchama, stupid jews and Spruitland."

"Ah, Spruitland's my kind of place. I heard that their King Alfons stormed into the BFSA and gave Andrew Coulter what for, pity it didn't involve a gun."

"Yes, but remember he also got the BFSA mixed up with the BFA... Bazalonian Foul-mouthed Association, so, yeah I wouldn't want to fully emulate him."

"I can't wait for this to occur finally we'd be able to rid the world once and for all of this religious conspiracy."

"That indeed will be a great day... If we can get this FSX thing to work!"

OOC: Oh well, stupid hippie Erinunderrians

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 3-3 Green Wombat http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/green_wombat.png

Concern at shaky start for defending Champs

The rejuvenated squad of the Rouge-et-Noirs were playing together as a team for the first time, facing the Green Wombats in Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium. Although the Ariddians’ attack worked smoothly, there were uncertainties and weaknesses in defence. Miscommunications between the three defenders, not yet used to working as a trio, facilitated opportunities for the Wombats. And goalkeeper Cassie Lee (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Cassie_Lee), playing her first full match for the national team, was not at her best, conceding three goals. The game ended on a disappointing draw for the defending champions – a very inauspicious start indeed to this World Cup.

Channel Three ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Channel_Three) caught up with new team captain Myo Thet Myint after the match.

CHANNEL 3: “Comrade Myint, I suppose this result isn’t quite what you were expecting?”

MYINT: “No, it isn’t. Of course not. We made mistakes, and we weren’t always able to make the most of the mistakes they made.”

CHANNEL 3: “Do you think you could have won this match?”

MYINT: “Yes, of course. We have a very good team. The best in the world, if you look at rankings. We were sloppy. There are errors we need to fix, and we’ll have done that before the next match.”

CHANNEL 3: “The Rouge-et-Noirs are now missing their best star, . Is that going to affect your performance.”

MYINT: “Xavier was always an excellent player, but winning a football match is always a team effort. We have a good enough team to win the Cup again, if we smoothe out a few creases and give our best.”

CHANNEL 3: “Last question… What’s it like being the captain of the Rouge-et-Noirs?”

MYINT: “It’s an honour and a responsibility. My predecessors – [url=http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Michel_Boulanger]Boulanger (]Xavier Xu[/url), Khan (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ranjit_Khan), Kyaw (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Hanifah_Kyaw), Xavier and the others - are an inspiration.”

CHANNEL 3: “Thank you very much. Good luck with the rest of the competition!”

Mikaela Eyre fixes her dark red hair and adjusts her ample breasts as she prepares to go on the air from Cathedral Park.

We’re ready to run, Mikaela.

“Alright, let’s do this,” she responds, puckering her lips.

“The more things change, the more they remain the same. That seems to be the prevailing thought heavy on everyone’s mind after No. 31 Assegai Developments could only muster a scoreless draw with No. 142 Clesmire, a team full of unknowns that cast into doubt Assegai’s once promising footballing future.

“There are no excuses and nothing to point at that might have prompted players and media to declare that Assegai was cheated of a possible victory; there were no missed calls, no foul play by the visitors. Clesmire simply played up to the level of the Riskbreakers, and it seems that the whole Nation States footballing community has to take notice. For when a team ranked that low can go into a highly touted team’s stadium and hold them to a draw…all of Nation States must be on red alert.

“Sarcasm aside, Clesmire played a hard, smart game and if it wasn’t for Assegai keeper Akihiko Yoshida’s confident play, the Riskbreakers might have been humiliated by a bottom feeder again.”

She turns to her right and Assegai Manager Zacharius is standing there wearing a black Assegai Developments polo and matching baseball cap. The elf clears his throat and wears a stern look.

“Zacharius, certainly this is not the way you wanted your team to begin their quest for a spot in NSWC XXXV. Is there anything you can point to that might explain why Assegai Developments fell so far from expectations?” she asks him.

The elf clears his throat again and readjusts his cap.

“I can’t really give you an answer, Mikaela,” he says in a grim tone. “I’m still trying to figure out if Clesmire really is that good—to come in here, hold us to a scoreless draw like that—or if we’re not as good as we or anyone else thinks we are. We had our chances to score early on, but their keeper made several incredible saves. Then, their midfield matched ours. If anything, I’m angry that we couldn’t beat—soundly defeat—a team that is leagues below us in experience, rank and tradition.”

“Well, Zacharius, things are about to get really bad for your team,” she says. “Now, Assegai hits the road for back-to-back games against The Holy Empire and The Archregimancy.”

“Yeah, like I said, ‘Never rest easy.’ Those two are the super heavyweights of our group and seeing what a difficult time we had with the weakest team in our group, we have to either fight or die against them,” he says.

“How will you prepare your team for The Holy Empire?” she asks.

“We’ll just focus on fundamentals,” he says. “Sometimes, going back to your roots nips a lot of problems all at once. I won’t be idealistic and say we’re going to beat The Holy Empire…rah, rah, rah. No, we’ll probably lose to them. I’m just hoping we can lose by a decent score.”

“Well, thank you for your time, Zacharius,” says Mikaela nodding at him. “Fans, thank you for tuning in tonight. Live from Cathedral Park, this is Mikaela Eyre with Assegai Manager Zacharius bidding you a good night.”

Match Summary

[31] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 0

[142] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/clesmire.png Clesmire 0

[AD]
None

[CLS]
None

Yellow Cards: None | Red Cards: None
Attendance: 75,000 | Cathedral Park (Leá Monde, Assegai)

Hacker out! Hacker out! That was the cry of a significant amount of Wentfans standing where I was for the Delesa debacle. Yes, I, Winthrop Tuesday, was banished and surrounded by salt-of-the-earth proletariats that I should be delighted to employ as footmen should they know how to address their betters, and Hacker is an oik just like them, so they knew how to address him.

There were at least three people - Tarquin, Piers and Rupert, who all seemed a jolly good lot - who joined with me in the lusty cries for the removal of the alleged coach.

Alas I seemed to be amidst the Cro-Magnon element who did not appreciate such jovial critiques of their id-prole. Indeed one cast an aspersion on Rupert's parentage that was quite abhorrent and defamatory of Rupert's pater. Indeed he never even employed a scullion called Fanny. Quod erat demonstrandum, what?

It was patently obvious that their appreciation of the good things in life was lacking when Tarquin retrieved the Chateau Vorguille '76 champers. One peasant sought to release the nectar within via a vigorous shake and spray! It quite spoilt the thermidor.

However when Delesa took the lead against a static defence who could not feel a thrill of indignation? Certainly not some of the underclass around who were jolly enmitous to our laughter. It is unsurprising, one may surmise, given that the imaginations are limited as the old brain cell has to work overtime.

Still, the Hacker dictatorship is crashing to its inevitable failure, so iit is not all bad. Toodles.

Logo defeated C

Friends, HURDists, fans, Sel Appans, lynx-enthusiasts, links enthusiasts, non-nerdy people here, fluffy teal creatures from Alpha Centauri and penguins,

The qualification has begun once again and our GNUs faced the turtles from Sel Appa. Of course the nerdy fanbase made a lot of Logo references. and shouted commands in Logo at the turtle who currently had the ball. That was as expected. It was also expected that the turtles ignored these commands. The GNUs had a better start, but the turtles could prevent all the resulting chances from the robots. We let the GNUS adjust their parameters on their own and it was partially successful. Now we only need to make them change their parameters in an ordered way, so that the HURDists remain one team instead of becoming only 11 robots. Well, coordination was worse and the turtles go their interpreters up and running. Dubrov and Nart put two beautiful shots past links. With a lot of luck, #13 reduced the trailing in the last seconds.

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram
5-1!
(it's okay for factorial signs to follow 1)

Zwangzug's national football squad won by a four-goal margin, just as it lost its last matchup. How long ago that was! Now, it is Zwangzug dominating as qualification for World Cup 35 starts: no squad not in Zwangzug won by as much.

Its first match against an island squad (which was playing in its inaugural matchup) had 3 goals in its first half: all of Zwangzug's forwards had a goal. Half 2 had just as many goals, and just as much drama, although drama's difficult with a four-goal margin. That thrill was from who was scoring: not just Buckingham, but Barons and Ruck from Zwangzug's midturf. This fluid formation, with puts focus on work as a squad and not individual positions, is an innovation that Card thinks is a main factor in Zwangzug's victory.

"Oh no oh no oh no"

"What?"

"We drew non-RPing n00b"

"That's not good, was there a sacrifice to Margaret"

"Of course, but it wasn't publicized internationally"

"Hmmm... we may need to do that for next game"

"The creators said not yet, but if we don't win against our next opponents then it needs to be publicized for every game."

"Oh dear, we better win"

"You bet"

"Anyway I heard Margaret wouldn't have helped us"

"Oh she would have but the game was awful, the newbies have a bunch of giant green monsters as their players and they kept just filling up the field eventhough we had about 90% possesion it wasn't enough."

"That is bad, really bad, just plain awful. I don't like it, did Hill make changes?"

"No, that's the worst part, I mean he just kinda stayed pat, he was lucky Marchakov was so fast to outrun 4 of those beasts to score once"

"How did they score?"

"A lucky kick by the keeper"

"That is awful in every aspect"

"We need Finton back"

"Yeh we really do"

"Anyway this RP really isn't that interesting so let's stop now"

"Sure"

Final Score:
Milchama 1 (Marchakov 49)
Non-RPing n00bs 1 (GK 53)

[OOC - technically speaking, the Orthodox Church has a somewhat more ambiguous relationship to Revelations than the Western (particularly Protestant) churches - it remains the only book of the New Testament not read out in the Orthodox liturgy - but that said, it still makes for a good Archregimancy RP base.....]

THE COMMENTARY OF FR. JOHN THE WATER DIVINER
(selections)

PART 1
The Commentary on the Holy Empire match, which God gave unto me, to shew unto his servants things which had come to pass; and He sent and signified it by his angel unto his servant John:
Who bare record of the word of God, and of the testimony of Jesus Christ, and of all things that he saw.
Blessed is he that readeth, and they that hear the words of this commentary, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time of the final whistle is at hand.
I John, who also am your brother, and companion in tribulation, and in the kingdom and patience of Jesus Christ, was in the stadium that is called 'Dreamed', for the word of God, and for the testimony of Jesus Christ.
I was in the Spirit on that day, and heard behind me a great voice, as of a trumpet,
Saying, 'Please welcome the teams for the pre-match liturgy'
And I turned towards the pitch. And being turned, I saw 22 golden players;
And in the midst of the players one dressed in black, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the neck with a whistle.
His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire;
And his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters. This man was called 'the referee'.

PART II
And I saw in the right hand of him that blew on the opening whistle a book with names written within, sealed with seven seals.
And I saw a strong tackle undertaken by Guevara, which was worthy to open the book, and to loose the seals thereof.
And no man in heaven, nor in earth, neither under the earth, was able to open the book, neither to look thereon.
And I wept much, because no man was found worthy to open and to read the book, neither to look thereon, nor to give Guevara the yellow card he so richly deserved.
And one of the elders saith unto me, Weep not: behold, the referee hath prevailed to open the book, and to loose the seven seals thereof.
And I beheld, and I heard the voice of many crowd round about the ground: and the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands;
Saying with a loud voice, Worthy is the ref that has shown the yellow card to receive wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing.

PART III
And after these things I saw four goals scored from the four corners of the ground.
And I saw Coach Juan Tzimisces sitting towards the east, and he cried with a loud voice for the four goals, for they were given to hurt the coach.
He said 'Hurt not this coach, who cares and toils for both teams, by allowing such weak and easy goals to be scored'.
For lo, he was in agony, as both Holy Empire goals were scored by Tzimisces against a team coached by Tzimisces.
After this I beheld, and, lo, a great multitude, which no man could number, of all the monasteries, sat in the ground, clothed with black robes, and palms in their hands;
And cried with a loud voice, saying, glory be to the coach who has held the Holy Empire to a draw even while scoring both goals for the opposition.
And all the players stood round about the bench, and fell on their faces, and praised the coach.
Saying, 'Blessing, and glory, and wisdom, and thanksgiving, and honour, and power, and might, be unto our coach forever'.
But one of the elders answered, saying unto me, What are these which are arrayed in white robes? and whence came they?
And I said unto him, Sir, thou knowest. And he said to me, is it not curious that the praise the very man who also scored two goals against our team?
And it was true that this was a great mystery, and I was sore afraid.

PART IV
And I John saw these things, and heard them.
And I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this commentary, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him many plagues
And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this commentary, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.
He which testifieth these things saith, Surely the Lord comes quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus.

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/FAWA%20Logo.jpg
Early Goal Fells Western Afghanistan

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/Pat-WAF%202.bmp
Zuneh after Wahit scored the game's opening goal in the 9th minute

Western Afghanistan's first ever World Cup qualifying match ended in disappointment for the people of Western Afghanistan. While the number of fans who travelled to the mysterious Patusan was limited, many fans watched the match around the nation in cafes, town squares, and rural homes. Though Western Afghanistan showed a few moments of brilliance in the second half, for the most part the offense was entirely shut down by Patusan. The extremely hot and humid conditions did not help either, and this clearly played to the Darts' advantage.

The match was a mostly clean one, though entirely un-card shy Ariddian referee Sonia Sögard handed out three yellow cards in total, and approved the extremely controversial overturn of Uzib Hirir's 59th minute goal. The goal would have given Western Afghanistan a superb comeback lead, but Hirir was ruled offside, even though a left back had clearly kept Hirir on.

Khuhekhezal Muhammad's absense was also extremely obvious, as temporary Sorkh-o-siahe manager Jafaje Hosseini made some conspicuously silly substitution decisions in the second half. Muhammad was not even permitted to travel with the team, and many of the players lamented his absense, with Sherer Inu saying firmly that "we would not have lost if he had been here."

THE MATCH

Patusan dominated the first five minutes of possession. Clearly having studied Western Afghanistan's quick passing style during the Baptism of Frost, the Darts controlled possession artfully. When Western Afghanistan did manage to gather possession, they wasted it on long balls to strikers who could not find room on goal.

In the 6th minute, Patusan nearly picked up a yellow card as Sögard looked extremely non-plussed at Hardi Bujang for a clear dive in Western Afghanistan's half. However, she kept the yellow in her pocket and play continued.

In the 9th minute, smart possession football bought Patusan striker Riwandi Wahit quite a bit of space down the left flank. The Sorkh-o-siahe had the box well covered, and when Wahit flung a cross in, Ruburirin easily volleyed it back out. The ball, however, was quite poor, and Wahit cleverly cut back inside to get a foot on it. His nifty first touch lofted the ball up and into the area, and his left-footed volley was too powerful for Fahifa to catch it. Patusan grabbed the lead.

Huzish's silly 36th minute tackle gave Patusan a reasonably good position for their free kick. Confusion as to how many people Hosseini wanted in the wall, however, was never sorted out, and the left-footed curl by Azwan Muhamad Saleh escaped Fahifa's dive. Patusan's supporters were ecstatic. as such a fine performance they surely had not expected.

Fahifa was furious, and gathered the team together immediately after the goal. It is unclear what he said, but seconds later a lengthy, quick, and adept run up the right side by Nine Stars captain Ruburirin found Zuled Muhammad with space in the midfield. The pass in to Afi appeared to not have the requisite pace, but a fantastic workrate by the Ghavvasa striker gave him time for a pass. Ruburirin had continued his pacy run up the right, and was absolutely wide open on goal. The centre back took one touch and then pounded a massive shot along the grass into the far left corner of the net. Western Afghanistan had given themselves a chance.

Patusan continued to firmly hold possession until half time. Wahit was removed during the break by the Patusan manager, in favor of defender Ramlee, presumably to help maintain their lead.

In the 50th minute, the Sorkh-o-siahe won a corner on the left. Darts keeper Noor batted the high, drifting in-swinger out of the area. Ruburirin played the ball to feet excellently, and found Ramat Muhammad wide open on the far left wing. The Daru Khuneh mid appeared ready to swing a cross in, but Afi was clearly offside, so he attacked down the touchline and then the baseline. With R. Muhammad's blistering pace drawing over several defenders, Rushufi found space from 5 yards out. With the Nine Columns striker screaming for the pass, Ramat Muhammad laid out to play a ball into Rushufi, and a quick first-time right-footed toe poke slammed into the back of net. The West Afghans were overjoyed, as they had equalised, despite being firmly outplayed for most of the match.

Smelling a chance to snatch all three points, the Sorkh-o-siahe threw all eleven men forward. Creating several quick shots that forced Noor to work at the back, Patusan brought in substitute Mohamed Salleh in order to slow the West Afghans down. Mohamed Salleh quickly picked up a yellow for sticking a foot out in front of Hirir after slipping on the turf by his own fault.

The 59th minute saw Rushufi attacking just outside the area, with defender Sallehuddin Damit leaving the Lions forward a lot of space. Hirir tore past Rushufi on the left, and Rushufi tapped it through to the Daru Khuneh mid. Hirir ripped a left-footer into the net and celebrated the lead. However, it was waved off as Sonia Sögard's assistant had raised his flag. Replays clearly showed that Hirir was kept onside by left back Shahbri Jalil, but play continued. Hosseini and the rest of the West Afghan national team were furious. Hirir picked up a quick yellow for protesting.

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/Pat-WAF%201.bmp
Sögard's horrendous offside call; notice Jalil on the far left, keeping Hirir in an onside position

Three minutes later, Jalil found himself enough space to volley a ridiculous 40-yarder on goal, and Fahifa could only get a finger to it, with the ball bouncing over the end line. The stadium in Patusan went crazy, as they had regained the lead.

The rest of the match was very dull, as Patusan kept possession firmly. Hosseini used all three of his substitutions (many fans later criticised all three as ill-made), but Western Afghanistan simply could not break Patusan's defense, and the match ended 3-2, with the few Avalanche of Mummies supporters leaving Patusan incensed and disappointed.

Patusan 3-2 Western Afghanistan

Referee: Sonia Sögard (Ariddia)
MOTM: Wahit (Patusan)

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/Patusan.bmp Patusan: Noor; Ambon (A.A. Mohamad Salleh '54), Safari Wahit, Damit, and Jalil; Tuah, Lupat, M. Bujang, and A. Muhamad Saleh; Wahit (Ramlee '46) and H. Bujang

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/Western%20Afghanistan%20BoF.bmp Western Afghanistan: Fahifa; Inu, Ruburirin, and Zuneh; Qer (M.I. Muhammad '80), M.Z. Muhammad (Nakhar '89), Huzish, Hirir (Qeshelu '70), and M.R. Muhammad; Afi and Rushufi

Goals:
PAT: Wahit '9, A. Muhamad Saleh '37, Jalil '62
WAF: Ruburirin '37, Rushufi '51

Next Match:
Western Afghanistan - Fmjphoenix
Q’an Coliseum; Herat, Western Afghanistan
Lineup: Fahifa; Inu, Ruburirin, and Zuneh; Ena, M.Z Muhammad, Huzish, Hirir, and M.R. Muhammad; Afi and Rushufi
Referee: Michael Lascaro (Alisdair I Frosticus)

Khuhekhezal Muhammad did not speak with the press after this match. He was not permitted to comment on team affairs due to suspension. He will be allowed to speak with the press after Western Afghanistan’s next game against Fmjphoenix. However, interim manager Jafaje Hosseini confirmed that Amir Ena would start against Fmjphoenix, and that Ali Qer would get a rest day.


Western Afghanistan’s World Cup Qualifying Goalscorers
Ruburirin 1
Rushufi 1

Amda-Mo: Well a 1-0 win over Fmjphoenix away is a good start to the qualifiers, wouldn't you say.

Lur-Mn: Well away wins are always nice, especially over good teams, so yes.

Amda-Mo: Alright, the first question is how would you grade the performance of Zax-Im's new formation.

Lur-Mn: Amazing both him and his critics were right about how things would work. He correctly analyzed that we'd take control of the match, especially in the second half. And we did just that. The Phoenicians looked dead out

there, and it didn't come as a big shot when Levesque slotted the goal home in the 77th minute. But the Fmjphoenix also was able to keep us off the board as long as they did cause their defenders often had enough time to figure out the runs cause they were all coming from the middle of the pitch.

Amda-Mo: Any other thoughts?

Lur-Mn: One hidden bonus of the formation is our impreviousness to offsides calls. Fmjphoenix looked to spring the offside trap, but against a team without a striker it's almost impossible. So that was nice. We in fact didn't get called for offsides all game, something I'm not sure I've ever seen before.


Amda-Mo: How about the defensive side of things?

Lur-Mn: First off major credit has to go to Shockey. There was a lot of worry about how'd he respond without support. And he was absolutely brilliant. So that was oughly helpful. But with seven midfielders things were often so clogged up it was hard for Fmjphoenix to push forward. They made very few forays into Gn-Lg's third of the pitch.

Amda-Mo: Do you think we can keep up that kind of blistering defense?

Lur-Mn: I dunno. Zax-Im claims this is the most attacking team Az-cz has ever field. And the players certainly look to get up the pitch. But certainly we'll pitch some more shutouts. But I don't think this will go down as the best
Az-cz defensive team , if that's the question.

Amda-Mo: Interesting. What else do we need to take away from this match?

Lur-Mn: Not that much. It's just one game. We'll learn a lot more about the team after our next match as we travel to Cafundeu.

Amda-Mo: Let's talk about Cafundeu. We'll get to the match preview a bit later, but let's look at their match today against Swilatia.

Lur-Mn: Stunning result here, upended 3-2. The Cafundeu team just didn't seem very focused, especially in defense. I think they were looking ahead to our showdown and paid the price for it.

Amda-Mo: Does that mean Swilatia is better than we thought?

Lur-Mn: Possibly. One hopes not cause that means five or maybe even all six of the teams, with Patusan beating Western Afghanistan, are dangerous. We have to travel to Swilatia after the Cafundeu match so we're definitely hoping it was a fluke. If they are really that good we could be in trouble as the third leg of our away swing.

Amda-Mo: Back to the Cafundeu match, how do we look against Cafundeu?

Lur-Mn: Well Cafundeu is a balanced if slightly attacking side. They're not a particularly biased team like Bettia is to attack or Wentland is to defense. So I'd expect the midfield to key the match. You'd have to think that would
play into our hands, but we'll see.

Amda-Mo: Any other thoughts?

Lur-Mn: Just that I'm excited for the match. Cafundeu is a team we've had our eye on since they debuted in Az-cz in the WC32 BoF.

Amda-Mo: Let's look around at the other matches.

Lur-Mn: Well the Assegai Development fans have been lighting up message boards around the internet complaining about how screwed they are, when it's really Rejistania fans who should be panicking. Assegai Developments drew with a newcomer, but Archregimancy and Alasdair I Frosticus drew the derby. So they didn't lose too much ground. A win or two against the Dream Realmers and they'll be fine. Rejistania on the other hand should be concerned. While they were upset by the Ulzaxids, at home no less, the other two powers in their group Elves Security Forces and Zwangzug
rolled to victory. That means they're already three points behind and have one of their easiest matches off the schedule. Clearly match day one is too early to get concerned, but that's not how the Orange-blues wanted to start.

A lot of other top teams struggled as well. Wentland and Tynelia lost to well lower ranked teams and a bunch more teams were upset by other solid teams and there were a bunch of draws as well.

Amda-Mo: Alright. Let's hit the first half dozen, the top 6 rankings.

6. Elves Security Forces

A nice start for the elves as they look to build on their performance from last cup. Three goals in to just one allowed against one of the suprise sides from last cup in St. Samuel.

5. Jeruselem

You know that the Jeruselem standards are quite high when a 3-0 thwumping of a good team is business as usual. The crusaders are once again going to be a top team.

4. Az-cz

Yes, there's been some disarray in Fmjphoenix. But still walking onto the opponents pitch and dominating them is impressive. Just hope the offense can improve against Cafundeu.

3. Qazox

Similarly Qazox's performance in Errinundera was impressive. That was a great start for the Oxen and they are now well positioned to get back to the cup.

2. Bostopia

Bostopia took a big step towards their first qualfication by jumping on Quakmybush 2-0. It was a big win and confirms their Cup of Harmony championship as legitimate. The real question from that match is what's happened to Quakmybush?

1. Geisenfried

Geisenfried was the big winner on day one. Claimed easily the biggest scalp taken on day one by beating #4 ranked Commerce Heights 3-1. For a defensive nation like Geisenfried three goals is a lot and hold the Slanis to a single goal is also impressive. Well done.

Amda-Mo: Geisenfried. Home of our former coach, eh?

Lur-Mn: Yep. The best team on day 1.

Amda-Mo: Ok. Onto the second list of six. Today's topic follows from last times. Before we looked at the best teams not to win a championship. Now we're looking at the most popular foreign teams not to win.

Lur-Mn: Using polls and interviews we've determined that these are the six teams Az-cz will be rooting to win their first if we don't win.

Amda-Mo:

6. Tynelia

Tynelia is the only non-AO team on the list. We've had a lot of respect for this team since way back when we met in WC31. The players passion and determination was impressive and their technique is improving as well.

5. Schiavonia

Schiavonia's also kind of a non-AO team, joining the region only recently. While they have some problems with us cause of our theivery, we respect them a lot. They are a friendly, humorous lot who play quality attacking
football.

4. Milchama

Milchama's gained a lot of fans for their kleptochasers. And while they've gotten us more than we've gotten them the rivalry is a good friendly one and we'd be happy to see them again.

3. Turori

Along with Vilita they gained a lot of fans during the year they hosted the surf tournament. They're one of our closest friends in AO and quite popular here. We just wish their kits weren't so blasted ugly.

2. Quakmybush

This might suprise people, that our cohosts aren't top of the list. Of course we root for them greatly and had a wonderful time cohosting with them. We don't have much bad to say about Quakmybush, except that it's cold there. The reason they're not number one is just that there's another team even more popular.

1. Bazalonia

That would of course be the Bazalopes. We've hit it off straight from day one. From the pairings in the Tour of Qazox to our friendly matches in the cup, the AOCAF and friendlies, to their wonderful treatment of our U-21 team
Bazalonians are class. Not to mention coach Hawdon and the job he did with the Az-cz squad. Or our political friendship. Or the Bazalonian kleptochase squad. Or any number of other things. Quakmybush recieves high ratings,
but Bazalonian ratings are across the charts. They're incredibly close but geographically and emotionally to Az-czzers.

Lur-Mn: Indeed, when you think about it there's really no question Bazalonia is top. The suprise is the exclusions of Demot and Elves Security Forces and Geisenfried

Amda-Mo: Well Demot and Elves Security Forces are popular, but nobody wants to see them get a title before we do. Especially Demot. We don't want any WC30 teams to nab a title before us. It just wouldn't seem right.

Lur-Mn: True. And Geisenfried's highly defensive style has turned off a lot of Az-czzers. Still no one would be too displeased if Geisenfried brought home a title.

Amda-Mo: Certainly not. Well that's it for tonight. Join us back here after our big match with Cafundeu.

[OOC - writing these two reports of the same match from such two very different perspectives while keeping events internally consistent has been a challenge; while I've enjoyed it, here's hoping my two nations don't get drawn in the same qualifying group too often...]

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

TZIMISCES HOLDS TZIMISCES TO DRAW
Surreal Dreamed Realm Derby Ends in Stalemate

By Anna Comneno


What else is there to say about Juan Tzimisces? Footballer, coach, legend... and now the man at the epicentre of what will surely prove to be one of the most extraordinary matches in World Cup 35 qualifying. Even before the first ever competitive Dreamed Realm derby, concerns had been raised at Holy Empire Football Association HQ that the presence of Tzimisces on the Archregimancy bench might negate the natural advantage of the Imperial Squad's extraordinary 'fusion' squad. But perhaps we should have anticipated that the one Imperial player who would refuse to let the Tzimisces-led Archregimancy squad intimidate him would be central midfielder.... Juan Tzimisces.

Following the ritual pre-match liturgy - and the almost as ritual arrival of Conan Doyle in goal within the first 5 minutes of the match following the almost-inevitable breaking of An Egg - the match had a firey start following a crunching tackle from Guevara on the home side's anonymous number 8 (though I hazard to guess that he wouldn't be quite so anonymous to any passing Bazalonians) that should have seen the radical left-winger sent to an early bath, but in fact saw the revolutionary player receive only a yellow after some initial hesitation from the curiously-shoed referee had the home fans shouting the monastic equivalent of abuse at the quivering Tynelian official.

And that's when the action started. In a classic moment of World Cup nostalgia, a through ball from Urk released Alan Belmore, whose exquisite chip seemed destined for the net until the anonymous native Errinunderan in the Archregimancy goal tipped it away, only for Tzimisces to send a trademark thunderous drive from the edge of the area. 1-0. The other Tzimisces was furious, and before the half was up had rallied his monastic troops to take the lead with goals from the anonymous numbers 10 and 6. But the drama wasn't over, with Tzimisces scoring for the Holy Empire with a scorcher of a free-kick pegging the Archregimancy back to 2-2 in the 60th minute.

With the final whistle, the on-field scenes reached a level of advanced farce, with the players from both teams - including Tzimisces - surrounding coach Tzimisces, begging for his autograph in scenes the coach has apparently described as 'uncomfortably sycophantic'. Indeed, several of the home fans expressed their concern at the adulation being directed towards a man who may have coached his charges to a 2-2 draw with a top ten team, but who also - in other guise - scored two goals for the opposition.

Similar confusion will not doubt attend the return leg in the Holy Empire.

[Firth] I’m Kelly Firth, here with Bostopia captain Stuart Flambriff, who scored the second against Quakmybush earlier today. Stuart, how did you do it?

[Flambriff] Well Kelly, the ball came in for a corner from the right, but a defender headed it away from goal, and I just hit it with me right foot into the bottom left corner from like 30 yards.

[Firth] Wow, that’s right; it was an absolutely spectacular goal.

[Flambriff] Calm down, calm down!

[Firth] Sorry. So, winning two nil against Quakmybush, that must be a huge moral boost to the team.

[Flambriff] Yeah, we’re all stoked like, you know, it’s great to beat a team like Quakmybush, previous hosts of a WC, so going into home gomes against Daughrty and Sativaville with a winning record will give us lots of confidence.

[Firth] We can now cross back live to our main studio in the Channel 9 Studios.


World Cup 35 Qualifying Group 9
FULL TIME RESULT

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/quakmybush.png 0
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bostopia.png 2 (Auderrie, 26 – Flambriff, 79)

Elves Security Forces (1) 3
St Samuel (0) 1

St Samuel today began there World Cup campaign with a poor start after going down 3-1 to Elves Security Forces. It was clear from the start who the stronger of the two teams were and ESF completely dominated for the first quarter.

ESF took a well deserved lead on the 27th minute after a quick break down the right wing caught the St Samuel defence knapping and clinical finishing saw Corinthian well beaten.

After half time St Samuel battled on and finally began to put some pressure on ESF but soon found themselves over committing and another lightning attack saw ESF come out on top on a one-on-one with the keeper on the 61st minute.

ESF all but wrapped the game up on the 84th minute with a bullet header which came from a Justinian Constant corner.

Maximus Di Sicci pulled one back for the Latin Crusaders on the 88th minute but it was far too little, too late. A long ball from Sensini saw Di Sicci bring the ball down with style and then nutmeg Mathias Nickel, Di Sicci then struck the ball with power, giving Martin St Louis no chance of stopping the shot.

Manager Louis Della Penzzi blamed the poor result on lack of effort all round and apologised to the fans for the dismal display. St Samuel take on Ulzaxid next in what many are saying is a must win match for the Latin Crusaders, having such a tough group.

Meanwhile back home the side have received alot of negative press after a string of defeats and some have even began calling for Della Penzzi to be sacked. Star player Leo Sensini has backed his manager in an interview with 3-5-2 Football magazine saying that it's far too early to start panicing and that the nation needs to get behind the team.

St Samuel Goalscorers

1 - Maximus Di Sicci

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE
Short Match Report written by Sílvio Ruiz
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOT GOOD START, JUST LIKE LAST QUALIFIERS

http://img505.imageshack.us/img505/4458/5060ih6.jpg
André Luís looks at the ball: not a good game for him

With a different team, different coach and different tactics, Cafundéu had its first challenge against Swilatia, playing away. The coach Alfredo Neves shouted a lot during the game, but the team simply didn't get adapted with the tactics and made many defensive mistakes, losing the game against a strong team.

This match wasn't shown on Globo Multimedia. As the Pope is visiting Cafundéu, the channel preferred to show a ceremony held by the catholic leader in Abadia, and released a note to explain their reasons: "While there'll be more games of Cafundéu in this qualifiers to show, and the Pope won't return to soon to our country, we decided to choose him". So, I was the responsible for this game. Globo will return in the next game.

The game started and Cafundéu's young players did their best to show some work to the new coach. Swilatia had good control of the ball in the midfield, but Cafundéu was more dangerous in the first minutes, especially with its three attackers. Swilatia was dangerous in the counterattacks, which surprised Eduardo Monte and Becão.

The game was interesting, and the supporters were only expecting a goal. And it happened after the twentieth minute. Dário got the ball in the midfield, dribbled an opponent and passed to Heitor inside the area. The attacker hit the ball with his left leg and scored the goal. But three minutes after, André Luís lost the ball in the midfield, and the opponent player had free space to run, invade the area and score the goal.

Cafundéu returned to show good work and will to fight, but the missed passes prejudiced the team, which lost some space in the game, and let Swilatia grow. The first half was reaching its end, when Szymański got the ball in the midfield, passed it to Rycerski. The player went to the left wing and crossed the ball to the area, where another player used his chest to score the goal.

http://img505.imageshack.us/img505/787/5129804459gadz7.jpg
Swilatia's players commemorate a goal

Alfredo, furious with the bad result, complained a lot with his players and made two changes to attack more. In the opposite side, Swilatia returned to the game with a more defensive mind with one more defender. The second half started, and Alfredo's changes didn't have a good effect. The team had difficulties to go to the attack, although had some good chances.

And the hosts continued to grow in the game. After five minutes, Romańska shot from outside the area and the ball hit the post. Swilatia pressured the Monopolists, and reached to the goal. Eduardo Monte fouled Dąbrowski inside the area, after a great play made by Szymański. The penalty taker scored the goal, and Alfredo Neves was desperated near the field, and complained with the referee.

Winning by an average margin, Swilatia retreated, and started to change passes in the midfield, rarely attacking. After the thirtieth minute, Cafundéu finally seemed more adapted, and started to improve in the game, dominating the midfield. But it was only able to reach the attack and score a goal in the last minutes, when Becão headed the ball after a corner kick. The game ended.

After the game, our reporter tried to get Alfredo Neves's interview. The coach was angry, and said to us: "This result must be acceptable for many people, but not for me. I admit that Swilatia has a good team, but I was expecting more from my players. Hear my words, I'll make a revolution in this team and will create a completely different strategy for the next game, and many players will have to go to the bench!"

The defender André Luís said: "Our defense made many mistakes and I know that I'm one of the responsible for that. Alfredo will surely put me in the bench." The attacker Tales said: "We couldn't create the necessary plays to win, but we will improve, and get ready to defeat Az-Cz, after much fight and training."

http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/9072/semttulowba3.jpg
Alfredo Neves leaves the field angry and frustrated

SWILATIA 3x2 CAFUNDÉU

Place: Union Centre Stadium, in Vilvek.
Attendance: 120,000 people.
Referee: Astolfo Mendoza (Quakmybush).
MOTM: Piotr Szymański (Swilatia).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/swilatia.png SWILATIA: Kowalski, Kapowska, Serelianski and Tiskane (Jankowska 84'); Szymański, Wak, Borlani and Anioł (Kotec 70'); Dąbrowski, Rycerski (Klonowski 45') and Romańska.
Coach: that person on the bench.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Júnior, Léo Mattos (Assis 45'), André Luís, Becão and Eduardo Monte; Anormal, Barbosa and Dário; Tales (Falcus 45'), Heitor and Renário (Flecha 76').
Coach: Alfredo Neves.

Goals:SWI: Rycerski 26' , Romańska 45'+/58'.
CAF: Heitor 23' , Becão 92'.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu - formation for game against Az-Cz: Lauro, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Alemão; Anormal, Nego Guerreiro, Assis and Kliek; Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Alfredo Neves.
Style of +2

Match's Referee: Dimas Bokal (Jeruselem).

Kiryu-shi Solid; Group One Favorites Falter

By Michio Hibbert

Sakaino, Kiryu-shi Kiryu-shi opened World Cup 35 with a win against Tolvarus in a high scoring affair. Kiryu-shi looked extremely solid through most of the match, satisfying and exciting the overflowing stadium in the normally quiet town of Sakaino. It was a day of celebration; high expectations met with high performances, most notably from Helen Gandy, who, with two goals scored and two assists, directly contributed to all four Kiryu-shi goals in the four-two match. It was a game that Kiryu-shi expected and needed to win against the newcomer Tolvarus squad, if they have any shot of keeping up with the top seeds in their group.

____The match started with Kiryu-shi in their standard 5-4-1 formation. They played to control the ball for the first minutes of the game, keeping possession along their back line but not attacking, as they got back into the rhythm of football, something that they clearly didn’t have in their pre-qualifying friendly. Their first chance came on a through pass up to Pat Mayberry from Isaac Levi, but his cross was too close to the keeper. However, the move that Mayberry made to get the open crossing opportunity was a great sign for Kiryu-shi fans, as his struggles in the friendly worried many fans. Tolvarus reacted to Kiryu-shi’s strategy well initially by placing extra midfielders towards the wings to try to cut off Kiryu-shi’s passing opportunities along the sides. During a throw-in in the fifteenth minute, Kiryu-shi coach Bruce Lewis was seen on the sidelines calling out to his players to try and counter the move made by Tolvarus. Matthew Pruet received the throw and made a quick pass to up to the center circle, where Mayberry broke his position to receive the ball. He flicked the ball up to Doug LeBlanc, who was racing up the field to provide an extra attacker. LeBlanc sliced through the center of the pitch and, with several defenders in pursuit, laid the ball off to Gandy as she waited just inside the edge of the penalty box. Gandy touched the ball past her only marker and struck the ball past the keeper to put the Dragons up early. Tolvarus struggled to respond to the tactical switch made by Kiryu-shi, as LeBlanc took advantage of the space in the middle of his pitch, along with his blinding speed to create mismatches near deep in Tolvarus territory. Gandy scored her second goal in the 22nd minute when LeBlanc found Iverson open outside the penalty area, and Iverson’s shot deflected off the crossbar to a completely open Gandy. Although several Tolvarus players indicated that Gandy was offsides when Iverson shot the ball, replays showed that she was alongside the last defender and just broke towards the ball faster than the defender did. Kiryu-shi managed to sneak another goal in just before the half ended when Gandy found Mayberry coming in unmarked from the side when the defensive line collapsed around the goal, with three defenders stepping between Gandy and the net. Mayberry’s shot went in just before the two minute injury time ended, and Kiryu-shi went into the half with a comfortable three nil lead.

____The second half started off with a considerably different look for Kiryu-shi. Patrick Mann came in to replace Pat Mayberry, and Emily Boyle became the striker in place of Garret McGee, who only had three touches the entire first half. Emily Boyle provided another ball handler at the top, while Patrick Mann came in to gain more experience and rest Mayberry in preparation for the next match. Boyle was effective right away, scoring the fourth goal of the match in the 51st minute from a through pass from Gandy. Boyle was able to beat the offsides trap in a brilliantly timed moved, and easily rolled the ball past the opposing keeper for her first goal of the campaign. Boyle attempted several more moves similar to her goal scoring break away, but the Tolvarus defenders were more sharp with their trap, and Boyle was called offsides a total of seven times in the second half, killing many scoring opportunities. However, it was only when Gregory Iverson was taken out in favor of Carl Wright in the 75th minute that the momentum shifted towards Tolvarus. Iverson, who was playing a key part in preventing Tolvarus attacks, started to limp slightly after an awkward turn, rolling over his right ankle. Wright, whose had very little experience, promptly passed the ball strait to a Tolvarus striker, who prompty cut in front of the net and cut the Kiryu-shi lead to three goals. Another attack from Tolvarus ended with a beautiful headed finish in the 86th minute, but it was too little too late, as Kiryu-shi held on to the four-two victory.

____It was a crazy day for the rest of group one, as both the top two seeds, Errinundera and Wentland lost their first matches. Delesa’s one nil shutout over Wentland was the biggest upset in the group, while Qazox’s two one victory over Errinundera shocked the home crowd. Kiryu-shi, currently in first place based on goal differential, will look to challenge the possibly demoralized Errinundera squad at Errinundera next match. They will have to play even better than they did against Tolvarus, and hope that Iverson will be able to play the whole game. He has been penciled into start, but no one can be sure if the ankle will hold up for 90 minutes. Regardless, Kiryu-shi is without a doubt satisfied with the start to qualifications, and will look to build upon their victory and carry their momentum into Errinundera.

"Well that's a great start." Greg Hughes said sarcastically.

"I know eh, lots of qualifying though" Jon Fields said.

"I know, I know, but still, that's a horrible start, losing to a team ranked like 25 ranks lower then us." Hughes replied.

"Well, I'll talk to the boys, get them all riled up" Fields said as he left the room. Hughes reclined back in his chair and let out a long sigh. "Bah, this is a bit more stressful when you have no control over what happens out in the field." he said to himself.

"Mr. Hughes?" his secretary said.

"Yes?" Hughes replied.

"I have some files for you"

"Put them on my desk please." Hughes' secretary placed the files on his desk, then left the room. Hughes wheeled over his chair to his desk, and the files. He opened up the files and let out a "fuck." He scanned over the file and it was undeniable. He picked up his phone and called down to the player clubhouse.

"Hello" Bob Hughes said.

"Hey Bob, it's Greg, I need to talk to Ben."

"Ok."

"Hello?" Ben said.

"Hey Ben, it's Gary, I need you in my office."

"Okay, I'll be right up." The phone was hung up and about two minutes later Ben Miller stepped into the office.

"Hey Ben, sit down."

"What do you need me for?

"Some files have come to my attention, you have been suspended for the next 4 matches."

"What? Why? How? When? Who? Where?"

"You've been caught with pot in your system."

"What the... I've never smoked in my life"

"Well, your just gunna have to accept the penalty, we have a match to go win."

RP CUT-OFF FOR MD2

Scores and Table (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12720991&postcount=2)

EDIT: Estresse Intenso's RP was not counted towards MD2 but will count to MD3

http://img456.imageshack.us/img456/2320/eulerscaetanogg8.jpg
Zetti playing for Estresse Intenso

BE CALM NEWSPAPER - PLAYER OF THE DAY
EDITION 1: DOCTOR CARLOS ZETTI (#5)

Before talking about the player of the day, let's talk about the first game of Estresse Intenso in this World Cup Qualifiers. Against Veitau, the team of doctors was impressive, defending well and having lethal counterattacks. The first goal was scored in the end of the first half by Matoso. In the second half, Zetti and Sabin scored and the game ended 3x0.

Now, to the player of the day. Each matchday, we'll talk about one player of our team. Today is the day of Carlos Zetti, defensive midfielder and a good person in general. He was born in Valsa, in the east of the Acropolis state. Studied medicine in the University of Neblina, in the capital city of Acropolis (Neblina). Got his degree when he was twenty-four years old, and worked as a doctor in Neblina for some years.

Everyone in the city liked him, but he didn't earn the amount of money that he wanted. He got a specialization as a General Practitioner, and, when he was thirty years old, got a proposal from the Landau Institute to work with the patients, receiving a huge salary and an opportunity to live in a safe place with his family. He accepted.

In the first years, he had some adaptation problems, but after two years, got used with the life style of the Institute, and got many friends. But most of these friends are patients, and he didn't have much contact with the other doctors, trying to help his patients when possible, and spending the remaining of the time with his family (wife and two daughters).

Sometimes, the doctors organize a football competition, and Zetti was called to play for the General Practioners' team. He was just a reserve player, but when he started playing, impressed with his vision and intelligence. So, he now won this big opportunity to play for the National Team.

A curiosity is that his daughters are twins, and that both are willing to study medicine in the Landau Institute. Their names are Sheila and Jéssica. Carlos's wife is named Talita.

A preacher and group with youths sitting down in locked room.

Preacher:
Welcome to Dazza 101, the last lot attacked the wrong Dazza so I'm here to help you not make the same mistake as well, most of them are now cripples. One is dead, and well the others are in gaol. We are here to learn how to recognise Dazza Dallas so you can beat her up. Don't attack the other one, it's bad for your health. Questions?

Youth 1: Can we rape her?
Preacher: No, she'll enjoy that. No and it's not good for you anyway. You might get an STD.

Preacher:
Now, here's a image of the two Dazzas. There's a Dazza Folkstia but she looks nothing like the Dallas and Deux. As you can see, Dallas is shorter and wears kneepads - the cyborg does not. Another giveaway is the way they walk, one is a bit stiff and the real Dazza wobbles. Now, watch these videos.

<Everyone watches videos of Dazza Dallas and Deux walking>

Preacher:
Yes, both look the same but it's real easy to tell the difference. Questions? They both dress the same so don't use their dress sense as an indicator. Both of them attract all sorts of men so that's not much of indicator either. Dallas does have a girlier voice if you guys aren't deaf, so Deux has a deeper voice but it's quite a subtle difference.

Youth 1: What we find them naked?

Preacher:
I was getting to that. That's for later. Now, it's easy right? I assume you can tell the difference between the two. And if that doesn't make it easier, Dazza Dallas has a bodyguard and Deux does not. So you can't go wrong now. Oh, and Dallas is a Mum so if the Dazza is with kids - it's most likely to be the real one. Oh, and don't beat up her kids. We aren't barbarians.

Youth 1: Can we get the naked Dazza bit?

Preacher:
If you must insist. Warning, naked pictures of Dazza Dallas are not healthy for a good Christian!

<Everyone watched naked videos of Dazza Dallas>

Preacher:
As you see, that's Dazza Dallas. I don't have nude videos of Dazza Deux but I've got copy of Dazza Deux bikini shoot for the Cybergirl Magazine. Please look at the photos.

<The youths look at the magazine>

Preacher: Now, what can you tell me? What's the difference?
Youth 1: We don't know ... but we'd like take them both home.

Preacher:
OK, I think you guys were looking at them in wrong way. If you looked properly, Deux is robot and is not as flexible as Dallas. Deux has trouble curling up for example while Dallas can get into any sort of kinky position. And I've heard Deux sleeps with clothes on anyway, Dazza Dallas never sleeps clothed. Simple?

Youth: We want to see the videos again be sure!

Preacher:
No, no more porn for today. That's it for today - come back here tomorrow for a test to see if anyone paid any attention to what I've been saying. Oh, if police ask you about this lesson - it never happened OK? We are doing bible studies not planning any attack on Dazza Dallas if they ask.

<Later>

Preacher: You are?
Hitman: Just call me The Cleaner. So, who's the target?
Preacher: Dazza Dallas, she should be an easy target.
Hitman: It will cost you lots, if I kill Dazza - the Inquisition will be hunting me down like a dog.

Preacher: Surely, they won't know. And we don't have a lot of money.
Hitman: Hey, I'm the expert here. I can kill her but it's not worth it for me. There's people following her everywhere, you don't notice them.
Preacher: She's just a stupid open-legged bimbo, she's not worth anything.
Hitman: Sorry, I'm not doing it. Too dangerous. Dazza Dallas is worth a lot of money, she's an industry onto herself. That's why she's protected.

World Cup Qualifying – MD2

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais : The Islands of Qutar http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_islands_of_qutar.png
2:1 (1:1)


Match Report:

Somtaaw Stadium, Stinnett, Acapais – The second match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 35 was against The Islands of Qutar and ended in the second 2-1 victory for the home side on Thursday night. The bran new Manager for Acapais, Yomi Elixer is undefeated after two games.

After only six minutes into the match, Van Savage made a counterattack run down the left flank and crossed it to the center. Jose laid it down for Atwater whose splendid shot to the right of the keeper hit the back of the net. Some close opportunities from both sides were followed with a hand ball in the box by none other then the most controversial starter on Acapais’s roster, Jeremy Davis. The penalty kick could not be stopped by goalkeeper Matthew Dickenson. It was said to have traveled 112 km/h on the way to the back of the net. Goalkeeper was injured in the first half after colliding with his teammate McKellar and landing awkwardly and replaced by Edward Legrand. Dickinson is said to be out for the next month.

The second half showed that both team had gone over defense at halftime for neither team scored from play. However, during delightful 25 yard set piece opportunity, Oscar Van Savage made it count with the winning goal of the game. Acapais won their second straight World Cup Qualifying match.

The win puts Acapais in first place in group 8 just in front the truly “Unknown” Suburbia after they grinded out a 0-0 draw against top ranked Squornshelous. Unknown Suburbia will visit Acapais on MD3.

Scoring:
Acapais – Atwater (Jose) 6
The Islands of Qutar – ??? (pen) 19
Acapais – Van Savage (unassisted) 58

Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Matthew Dickenson (GK) (22 - Edward LeGrand) 41
2 - Shane Murphy (C)
3 - Nick McKellar
6 - Jeremy Davis (13 - Robert Hernandez) 84
10 - Shaurabh Nandy
15 - Graham Atwater (4 - Craig Robicheaux) 61
5 - Salvador Salazar
7 - Dom'onic Duke
8 - Alex McKellar
9 - Oscer Van Savage
11 - Ricardo Jose

Next Match:

vs. Unknown Suburbia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/unknown_suburbia.png

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12690192&postcount=17)

<Jeru FC military training ground>

Debbie:
OK, I want to talk to you guys. We've had great start with that draw but Jariss is probably the easier of the other five teams to play. You aren't the worst team around by the looks of it and my sister Dazza Dallas has actually taught guys something during the Oxen Cup 1. Still, we have to play the big boys in this cup and it's not going to be easy. I know losing your friend "Sticky" who is now my sister's personal bodyguard doesn't help but he's doing a job to protect her or keeping her occupied and out of trouble or just banging her. Now, we aren't expected to actually qualify but we are going try out best not to look like idiots. I don't want a repeat of Baptism of Frost games please. Questions?

Random player: Are you our permanent coach?
Debbie: No, like Dazza - I'm just coaching until your idiots running the army find a permanent replacement. And no, Dazza is not coming back.

Random player: Err, why are you so different to Dazza?
Debbie: Different fathers. Dazza is what you get if a nympho breeds with a whore. And no - I don't sleep around like Dazza does.

Random player: How long is that alcohol ban going to stay?
Debbie: For the entire time when we are playing. I don't want funny accidents going on - you know like Sticky sleeping Dazza the bike.

Random player: Do we get a pay rise if we manage to qualify?
Debbie: I don't know, I don't what you guys get paid for this World Cup apart from your army salaries. If we qualify, I hope you get some kind of bonus.

Random player: Where's Rashina?
Debbie: She's in the Jeruselem team, why?
Random player: I owe her money ...
Debbie: I'm her mother, so give it to me instead.
Random player: But I don't have it on me.
Debbie: Well, give it to me when you have it.
Random player: There goes my spending money.

Back in the present/past:

ROCKPORT WORLD NEWS, Channel 7

Our continuing coverage of the TACHYON CASCADE, with a new update. I appears, at least to highly-place source within the scientific community, that the CASCADE is growing. As of now is it now growing at a rate of 6 feet an hour. According to our source, the matter that the CASCADE is for a lack of a better term, eating, is feeding it, causing a reversive feedback loop. Which in layman's terms is as it interacts with matter, the mass increases, and so does the speed at which it interacts with matter. The Qazoxian Army has evacuated the entire city of Fromburg, and they are attempting to slow down the CASCADE by clearing out buildings, trees and any other item within a 3 mile radius of it. According to the source, it will still grow, as it is Spherical in nature, but with fewer above ground sources, it may slow.

<Skip ahead to sports>
Well Qazox' first home match of qualifing didn't goe as planned, as the team seemed distracted by the news from Fromburg. Wentland won 2-0 on a pair of goals by Lennie Newton in the 40th and 68th minutes. The team is still of to a decent start as they have 3 points earned from two of the best teams in the world. The next three games, all against statisically weaker sides, could prove as to whether or not this team will go to Bazalonia or The Lowland Clans.


And now back to the future/present:
YEAR 3421 Day 290
PLACE FORMER COUNTRY OF QAZOX, Q CONTINUUM
TIME 0200 STANDARD

"Uuuu....what hit me?" Kyle Cartman asked groggily, sitting up in the holding cell.

"I stunned you with my quantum gun, You were ready to shoot me with yours." La-Yo replied.

"So where am I again?" Kyle asked shaking off the cobwebs in his head. "You said something about the ruins of Fromburg and it being 1500 years in the future.."

"Yes, we were at the ruins of Fromburg, and yes it is the year 3421, according to the Qazoxian Calendar. As for where you are now? In my ship, heading to Confederation Base Alpha-5." La-Yo answered.

"Confederation? Never heard of it. As for it being 3421, been further into the future than that." Kyle replied.

"The Confed....You've time travelled before?" La-Yo asked, "Maybe that's why you have such elevated levels of Tachyons in your system, hmmm."

"The Confederation, what is it?" Kyle asked.

"Oh, yes. The Confederation of AO. Created about 500 years ago, by the nations of Atlantian Oceania. They completely merged their nations into one nation and began exploring the universe. Oh.. I hadn't introduced myself yet, have I? The name is La-Yo." La-yo replied.

"La-Yo, let me guess, Az-cz was where you were born huh? Rather liked those sneaky bastards, they stole from ya, but had scruples about it. Helped one of them break out of jail about 3 or 4 years ago, my-time of course." Kyle said. "So I'm on your ship huh? We meeting the big cheese? or some pencil-pusher?"

"We're going to meet with my commander, Commander Sauter. He wishes to speak with you, about the tachyon transmitter, PROJECT COBALT, i believe you called it." La-Yo answered. "We've got about a 2 hour flight, so tell me how you got here."

"Two hours isn't going to be enough, pal." Kyle said.

Wyld Stallyns
WORLD CUP 35 SHOW

Ted: I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan

Bill: And I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire

Together: And We're Wyld Stallyns!!

Ted: Wlcome back to the WORLD CUP 35 SHOW

Bill: Excellent. Our scheduled guest Ludvig van Beethoven couldn't be here, He's on tour with Metallica at the moment.

Ted: He will be here tommorrow, we hope.

Bill: As for the game, a crappy 0-1 loss to United Island Empires.

Ted: True, the lone goal was scored in the 56th minute by an unidentiafied UIE player.

Bill: Unidentified? We saw the name on the back of the jersey.

Ted: Yes, but due to the restrictions from the UIE media, only they are allowed to say that player's name.

Bill: So we can't say "---------"?

Ted: Nope, if we did, and with wasn't beeped out, we'd have to pay a 700 UIE Dollar fine.

Bill: That sucks.

Ted: Well that's all for now, On our next show, Ludvig van Beethoven, we promise!

Bill: So Be Excellent to each other Sativaville, Wyld Stallyns Out!

Somewhere inside Atheistic Right, a cadre of followers of the Old Atheistic Right regime secretly meet to continue plotting....

"Hah, Green monsters my Ass." said Hummingbird doing a strange jump of logic starting a new conversation with no context what-so-ever.

"What are you talking about now?!" queried Worm who was always slow on the uptake when it came to Hummingbird's weird jumps.

"The World Cup Qualifiers, the Non-RPing Orthodox n00bs came to visit... " (Hummingbird)

"but they aren't called the Non-RPing Orthodox n00bs they are just Orthodox people who happen to go by the non-RPing n00b name." (Worm)

"How n00bish of them... " (Hummingbird)

"I think that's the point... anway what was it with it with the Green Monsters?" (worm)

"OH, the Milchamian's called them Green Monsters when they faced them in MD1." (Hummingbird)

"And you listen to anything the Milchamians say?" (Worm)

"Well, I wanted to see if that was true or not... Granted they are green but monsters they aren't. What they are is a weird combination of a Bazalope, Turtle and a Dragon." (Hummingbird)

"So how come the team thumped the n00bs when Milchama only drew... Well, I think we just know how to handle animals better.. I mean the team had basically had to keep Jaden Jackson on the leash and prevent him from eating them raw." (Worm)

"Yeah, well they were running around scared for their lives and meanwhile Miller and a naked Jacob walked in 7 goals." (Hummingbird)

"But what about the dragon part?" (Worm)

"Oh, only the wings... They can't breath fire or anything, but magnicent wings they are." (Hummingbird)

"Okay, enough about the world cup did you get it?" (Worm)

"Get what?" (Hummingbird)

"The thing we need for this thing." (Worm)

"Oh, that... no... They keep it back home. We'll have to get it when the team goes there. later on..." (Hummingbird)

"Gah, another delay.... I just hope that I can get what I need from the Kampfers team... They're comming soon."

--- Back with Leon Green ---

"Well, that was a bit of a bust. But I have to admit we are in a great position in 2 days." he commented to the secretary who was doing something with some of the books in his office.

"Well, we have gotton 4 points from the first 2 games especially that Draw. Against Vilita." he commented.

"Right, So next up Kampfers is coming here... KAmpfers... I think we out-rank but better make sure..."

He pulled out a desk drawer with the latest rankings... Atheistic Right - 62, Kampfers - 111.

"ah, good at home against a bad team... should be a walkthrough..." he said before going about his other duties.

THE MONASTIC TIMES

PRAYER BEATS INTENSE STRESS
Monks Beat Estresse Intenso

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

In a new study undertaken by the monks of the Archregimancy monastery of St. John of Patmos, prayer has shown to be an effective counter to the intense stress often felt by non-monastics. Hesychastic prayer, involving a profound search for inner stillness, is said to be particularly effective, with its constant meditative repetition of the Jesus prayer leading to a closer relationship with God.

Perhaps, then, it should come as little surprise that the Archregimancy travelled last night to the very epicentre of intense stress - the Landau Institute of Estresse Intenso - and came away with a solid 2-0 win to lead the group. Coach Juan Tzimisces was said to have encouraged his charges to engage in Hesychastic prayer before, during, and after the match in order to minimise the impact of the strange playing environment on everyone's favourite consistently underachieving footballing Orthodox monks. First half goals from the anonymous Archregimancy numbers 6 and 11 set the Orthodox footballers on their way, and the anonymous Archregimancy 'keeper - rumoured to have close connections to Errinundera - had remarkably little to do over the course of the 90 minutes.

Indeed, following the match, senior figures from the Landau Institute were said to be so impressed at the calming effects of Hesychastic prayer, that they were said to be attempting to contact the Monastic Football Association in an attempt to see whether it might have practical applications for their patients.

"We shouldn't scoff just because it is a religious practice" said one anonymous Institute footballer. "Much of this ancient and sacred wisdom can be applicable in a modern psychological context if handled appropriately. Yoga, for example...."

The Monastic Football Association, predictably enough, immediately issued a condemnation of the previous statement for implicitly comparing the glory of Orthodoxy to unholy heathen Hinduism.

IT'S.... THE WORLD CUP SHOW

With Basil and Theo

"Basil!"

"Theo!"

"Another World Cup wends its merry way into the qualifiers... what's this one? World Cup 35?"

"Think so, Theo - after all, it comes right after World Cup 34. Which we did co-host."

"So we did. And after that extraordinary 2-2 draw against the Archregimancy in the opening Dreamed Realm derby, where does World Cup 35 take us today, Basil?"

"We're at home. Against Assegai Developments."

"Who, Basil?"

"Oh, some mid-ranked bunch of no-hopers. Might make the playoffs, but don't stand a chance against us today. We're a top 10 team, playing at home, with a long and storied footballing history stretching all the way back to World Cup 1. With a long gap in the middle, true, but still, this lot don't stand a chance. Not against us."

"Not even if we're playing An Egg in goal?"

"Not even if we're playing An Egg, Theo. They won't get past our midfield, so certainly won't get close enough to An Egg to make that particular piece of stupidity an issue..."

90 minutes later....

".... with the Holy Empire down to 8 men, with Marley sent off for openly using an illegal substance, Wittgenstein sent off for arguing over the interpretation of the rules with the referee, and Guevara sent off for trying to assasinate the 'bourgeois anti-proleterian referee' after a disputed free kick, it's all fallen apart for our brave lads today. A 2-0 loss at home against a... what was that, Basil? A 'mid-ranked bunch of no-hopers' sends the Holy Empire to the bottom of the group after two matches, and these are dark days indeed. Dark, dark days. One point from two matches, and four goals conceded.... One word: Poor."

"Can't disagree there, Theo, and you may be interested to know that the last time a Dreamed Realm team entered the qualifiers as the group first seeds immediately after reaching the quarterfinals as co-hosts..."

"When was that, Basil?"

"The Archregimancy, in World Cup 29. Anyway, as I was saying... the last time a Dreamed Realm team entered the qualifiers as the group first seeds immediately after reaching the quarterfinals as co-hosts... they were the only top seeds not to qualify for the subsequent World Cup."

"Oh."

"Oh indeed, Theo.... Sometimes history has a nasty habit of repeating itself...."

Amda-Mo: Az-cz 3 Cafundeu 1. That's a very nice scoreline.

Lur-Mn: It certainly is Amda-Mo.

Amda-Mo: So recap the game for us.

Lur-Mn: Well the team really clicked just the way Zax-Im expected it to. Cafundeu struck early, but the team stayed composed and didn't worry at all despite the one goal halftime deficit. And after the break you could see the Cafundeu team just breakdown. By minute 70 they just ran out of gas which allowed us to get 1 on 1 with the keeper three different times, leading to goals for all of the attacking midfield as Kn-Dg, Ho-Lee Chung and Levesque each slotted a goal home.

Amda-Mo: Should we be worried about the fact that Cafundeu was ahead until the last 18 minutes of the game?

Lur-Mn: Not especially no. It looked pretty clear that they were going to lose despite that. It's hard to imagine a team more confident of scoring late goals. They didn't just look like they could score goals, but that they WOULD score goals. Whatever you wanna say about the formation the team seems to have accepted it 100%.

Amda-Mo: So you're feeling good about the team at this point?

Lur-Mn: Yeah. How could you not be. That was just a class performance.

Amda-Mo: Anything else to add?

Lur-Mn: Not really. Just glad the team picked up a big road win.

Amda-Mo: Ok, then let's look at the other results in the group. Swilatia pasted Patusan 6-2 and Fmjphoenix rebounded to beat W. Afghanistan 1-0. Thoughts?

Lur-Mn: Well clearly Swilatia has played great to this point. 9 goals, 2 wins top of the group. Off to a nice start. They'll be hosting us next match with a chance to move to a solo top of the group.

Amda-Mo: What do you think the chances of that are?

Lur-Mn: Higher than I would've thought at the start of the cup. They've certainly looked good. But they have allowed 4 goals so far. If Patusan can strike twice you have to think we can find goals as well. Despite their good start I think you'd find few who expect them to win.

Amda-Mo: Anything else?

Lur-Mn: Just that Cafundeu needs to get going. With the short qualifiers they've got next to no room left for mistakes.

Amda-Mo: How about results from other groups.

Lur-Mn: Elves Security Forces 4 Zwangzug 0 is the one that jumps out at you. That's just an impressive performance. The elves are certainly looking strong again. And a number of top teams our off to slow starts, none worse than Quakmybush who stumbled against Bettia. They're not looking like a team capable of making it back to the cup.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. It's not looking good for our northern friends. Let's hope they get things turned around soon. Now let's go to the lists. First the top six teams.

Lur-Mn: Most of the same teams from the opening list, with a couple of newcomers in the last spots.

6. Acapais

Followed up a win in Turori with a win over the Islands of Qutar. With Squornshelous struggling they're now ahead of all the major players in the group, with two of the three out of the way. Both wins have been close, but they've been wins. Acapais looks to finally make due on the promise they've been showing for a while now.

5. Sel Appa

A win in Demot following a win over the HURD makes you take notice. Like Acapais they've been close games, but they've been against slightly better teams and Sel Appa is already known to be a good team looking for their third cup.

4. Jeruselem

Nothing special involved in beating Abu Omar 1-0. Still looked good in both matches and are one of the few teams not to have allowed a goal yet. Plus we all know the talent that those Jeruselem ladies can crank out.

3. Az-cz

The only team to have picked up two wins so far, we've looked quite good. The confidence of this team is overwhelming. They just feel like they're going to control the match, and they have so far.

2. Elves Security Forces

The win over St. Samuel was solid. The dismantling of Zwanzug was impressive. This is a team clearly not resting on their laurels. They're playing some incredible football right now. They play like they are and Ariddia would have a hard time beating.

1. Geisenfried

Only two teams have a better goal differential than Geisenfried, and one of those doesn't have the full six points. The 4-1 thrashing of Jariss on the back of the win over Commerce Heights certainly provides no reason to drop them from the top spot.

Amda-Mo: Intersting. I'd say the top three have been a cut above in these first two matches.

Lur-Mn: Agreed. It is only two matches, but all three have looked quite good. We haven't had the explosiveness the other two have, but we've looked so mentally focused.

Amda-Mo: Yeah. Now onto the second half-dozen. This time we're looking at six nations we think would be good hosts for a cup.

6. Tynelia

We're not really sure why. They're just aren't that many nations who haven't hosted a cup who seem capable. Tynelia seems like a stable solid place that could do a good job.

5. Qazox

They've hosted just about everything else and done a good job with most of it. And it would be an easy way for them to earn a qualification.

4. Elves Security Forces

We know the Elves love football. And they've bid for a cup. So it's entirely reasonable that they could host a cup. I definitely think they'd do a good job.

3. Jeruselem

We know how great of showpeople the Dallas clan is. No matter what else you say a world cup in Jeruselem would be an experience. And there's hardly a better footballing nation either.

2. Bettia

A former champion. A multiple time AOCAF host. A great nation. There's no question they could put on a good cup. Of all the teams who haven't hosted Bettia is the safest bet.

1. Demot

Demot's probably not the best nation who hasn't hosted yet to host. So you might be asking why are they number one? Sources inside the -FA report that Demot is the nation Az-cz is most interested in making a hosting bid with. If the -FA is convinced they'll do a good job, that's enough for me.

Amda-Mo: I doubt that Noz-Tf will be too pleased with you leaking that.

Lur-Mn: I don't think it's too suprising now that the Bazalopes spurned us for The Lowland Clans.

Amda-Mo: Interesting. Just don't be suprised to get some flak from the FA. Well that's it for now. Goodnight everyone.

Inside the group of Ulzaxids who actually cared about the world cup there were three basic camps. There were those who wanted Ulzaxid's to go all out to win, those who felt that things were right as they were with the Ulzaxids using a small fraction of their abilities, and those who felt that they should pull out altogether.

Coach Rahim was definitely in the second group. While he knew his team could easily win every match if they unleased their full physicality, he had faith in his team that they could win without doing so, and just felt that it was absolutely unfair for the regular teams to do so. And the match against Rejistania was a big boost for his cause. Rejistania were one of the best teams ever assembled, even if they had slipped a bit in recent years. Even then they were still a top 20 team. And the morphs had depantsed them. It was by far their best performance yet. Despite the fact that they had been employing brain sharing techniques their still wasn't too much to share. They were great for film training, but seeing as how the players were still rank amateurs they needed more playing experience. And they were getting it. With luck Rahim could keep the other faction at bay with more performances like that.

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/spaam/JSY/ Commerce Heights JSY 0-2 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

Back on track at the Sokojito Überdome

Keen to redeem themselves after a rather poor start, the Rouge-et-Noirs travelled to the Unified Capitalizt States, there to face the Chasŭyŏn (자스연) team. The Überdome was packed mainly with home supporters, but the Ariddians did not appear in the least bit intimidated. Reassuring their own fans that they were still able to deliver the best, the Rouge-et-Noirs produced a satisfying 2-0 victory.

Thomas Dargeau – whose main claim to fame until now had been as a direct descendant of 19th century writer Annabelle Laurier (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Annabelle_Laurier) – scored the opening goal in the thirty-fifth minute, skimming the ball past Petersdorf. Ewa Shwuo increased the lead in the sixty-second, neatly manoeuvring the ball past Wang Son-hui and slamming it into the net. And Cassie Lee, who had looked shaky in the opening match, put supporters’ minds to rest with a flawless performance – including an excellent save of Ha Sŏng-yun’s shot in the eightieth minute.

She later gave an interview to the local media, speaking in sometimes hesitant Korean – subtitled in Syokaji (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Syokaji). Lee was surprised to find that she had a few fans in the Capitalizt States, who gave her a Chasŭyŏn goalkeeper’s top (http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/kits/JSY/35/third/) with a number 1 on it and her name in Korean: 이 캇시.

“I’m very pleased to have been here,” Lee told Ariddian reporters. “People’s customs here are very different to what we’re used to. Their habits, their values, their culture. . . I really do feel I’m in a very foreign country, which is interesting. And they’re mostly very friendly.”

After two matches, supporters, meanwhile, are hoping that the victory over Chasŭyŏn is indicative of things to come. . . and that the early draw against Green Wombat was merely a starters’ hiccough.

“Hello everyone and welcome back to Tynelian Soccer Weekly where we’ve returned from last week’s pre-emption by the Tynelian presidential debates. I’m your co-host Troy Wallace along with Dinah Miller. AS if you didn’t know Tynelia was stunned in its opening contest losing 2-1 to Kristovenia before bouncing back with a 1-0 win over Jaredcohenia in today’s match.”

“But all of Tynelia is still talking about Coach Masterson’s outburst after the Kristovenia loss Troy. In case you did miss it here it is as a reporter caught up with Coach Masterson after the loss.”

<cut to footage>

“So Coach Masterson how do you feel about today’s loss?”

“How do I feel? I’m pissed that;s how I feel. What kind of <beep> is this with this <beep> scheduling? I mean we’re half way to the Ice Bowl for our first match when we find out we’re really supposed to be on the road for this. Now there’s no <beep> way we can get everything over there in time not to mention all the <beep> in trying to get a flight there this late in the day. Hell we didn’t even get to Kristovenia until four hours before game time . How the <beep> can you expect a team to be ready , get over jetlag and do anything out on the field?

“We had to travel coach and Mandy had two 400 pound men sitting on either side of her, she was stiff as a board by the time we got off the <beep> plane. But I know who’s behind all this. It’s the Lowland Clans people I bet. They’ve had it in for me since WC 29 when my goal knocked them out of the cup proper on the last day of play. I know all about these clanspeople, they hold grudges forever. Now the schedules convienetly get changed so many times we don’t even know who or where we’re supposed to be in the last minute. A home match becomes a road match? No team can overcome that!”

<footage ends>

“I still think Coach Masterson is overreacting Dinah. I was on the field for that match with TLC and they seemed disappointed about the loss but we’re vowing revenge like Coach Masterson is claiming.”

“So you don’t believe it at all Troy?”

“No I think it’s a combination of frustration over the scheduling, something that affects everyone not just us. The last minute changes of their flight schedule, don’t forget the team was on a plane for almost six straight hours, I know I’d be cranky over that, and the fact the team lost a game they certainly should have won. It just all boiled over I’m sure.”

“There were a few other surprises on MD1 though too Troy, higher ranked visitors losing or drawing to a very low ranked home team.”

“That’s just the Cup Dinah. This is the smallest field I can remember in some time so even the fourth and 5th seeds are actually fairly high ranked as this cup is very top heavy in the rankings. Not many mid to low end teams except for the Baptism of Frost crew.”

“Well how about today’s match with Jaredcohenia, the team seems to have bounced back a bit with a nice shutout by Mandy Martin and Tina Conroy provided all the scoring she would need early in the second half.”

“This was going back to the basics for Tynelia Dinah. Always known as a good defensive squad, Coach Masterson gave the team a chance to get settled out there knowing the team might be inclined to push against another team they were expected to beat to try to avoid the Kristovenia result. Instead he kept the forwards back more than usual and let Tina and Connor push the action up front. The team did look more relaxed this match and it seems to have paid off.”

“Yes I agree Troy, it looks like the team is back to normal but we’ll find out soon enough as the competition level takes a step up against Commerce Heights JSY next match.”

“This will be a big match for a couple of reasons. As a top 50 team, CH JSY will be a good indicator of whether match 1’s team or match 2’s team is the real Tynelia squad for this cup. It also ends Tynelia’s three match road trip so coming away with a win will be huge. 2-0-1 sounds much better than 1-1-1 or 1-0-2.”

“And by surviving it Troy means five of our last seven matches will be at home which should be an advantage for us.”

“Actually Dinah, Tynelia’s home field advantage isn’t as big a factor at it might seem. About 60% of all our losses have actually been at home, though over the past two or three Cups, that trend has reversed after some problems in the early years. But overall we still have a losing record at home.”

“Well like you said Troy, that’s been changing of late so let’s hope that pattern continues. Well I guess its prediction time Troy. I’ll go first this time. I think the team will have some trouble here, they’re still trying to find themselves a little so I call a 1-1 draw.”

“I’m a bit more optimistic about our chances. That Kristovenia loss is a huge wakeup call for the team as they realize they can;t just show up and win. I think it’ll serve as incentive and we come back with a 2-1 win.”

“OK then Troy I guess that leaves me to sign off for today’s program since it looks like we’re out of time. For Troy Wallace this is Dinah Miller wishing everyone at home a good night from the crew here at Tynelian Soccer Weekly.”


((OOC- obviously TLC, Coach Masterson's rant is purely a rp thing.. and hey i needed SOME excuse for losing :) ))

The Jariss team trudges into the locker room disappointed by their 4-1 slaughter at the hands of Geisenfried. Coach Maru Hiniru tries to rally the team’s spirits.

Coach Maru: Well welcome to the big leagues everyone. Geisenfried is one of the best teams in the world so now you all know what we can shoot for in the future.

Leni Banama: Damn those guys were good. Is everyone going to be like that?

Tali Vindu: I was horrible, 6 goals in two matches already? That NEVER happens. I couldn’t even beat Jeru FC and they didn’t even make the quarterfinals.

Coach Maru: Tali remember what I told you about Jeru FC. They’re a military group so they ahd all the extra film of us all the way to the finals, they probably had all kinds of scenarios and whatnot planned out. And they still couldn’t beat us. As for Geisenfried, we’re clearly going to have some growing pains and take some lumps against the top teams in the world. So the road will be a bit bumpy but before this thing is done they’ll know who we are. Or does everyone just want to roll up in a ball and go home?

Goru Lyani: it’s not that coach but…

Fya Panai: you’re missing your girlfriend freer so that’s why you let that pass go right by you.

Coach Maru: Give it a rest Fya, I seem to recall you tripping over your own feet on that one fake out in the second half.

<Fya blushes embarrassed>

Minna Dawo: But what can we do next time? I mean I hardly had ny scoring chances out there and the keeper stopped most of them.

Coach Maru: Well remember too people, this is the first time you’ve ever been on the road. No Larri let me finish. The Baptism of Frost doesn’t count because while we were in Errinundera we weren’t playing against Errinundera, there were no home teams there. Now our first road trip to a hostile environment against one of the best teams in the world and we still managed to keep it 2-1 going into the half. Sure they took over in the second half, but now I think you all know what you’ll be facing in the rest of the road trips.

Relao Yashi: But there were so many of them…

Coach Maru: Yes that’s another thing to get used to. Most of these big soccer powers could fit the entire population of Jariss in one section of their arenas. They probably have college or high school teams playing to bigger crowds than our whole nation. On the other hand, our stadium, while sounding just fine to us will be like an empty stadium to them with no crowd to feed off of. That will be our main advantage here.
Andre Miware: So what about these other guys coming home Fort Europe?

Coach Maru: Well they’re a good team, other than us and Jeru FC all the other teams in this group are Cup veterans and highly ranked. In fact this is one time when the traditional Jariss style of play will actually be a good result for us.

Fya: What do you mean coach?

Coach Maru: Well all these teams are ranked way ahead of us so whether we’re at home or on the road they expect to come in and walk away with a win. We’re supposed to be the pushovers of the group. So we’re supposed to just show up and let them get their points. So even if we get a draw against them, they will walk away like they lost because they “wasted” two points while its almost like a win for us because we got something we weren;t supposed to. This being our first Cup we want to steal as many of these points as we can.

Minna: So we’re not supposed to try to win?

Coach Maru: Definitely go for the win, I’m not saying that. But in this case against these teams a draw is just as important as a win. Not to mention our crowd loves a good draw so they’ll be fired up for that result. Most of them left the stadium against Jeru FC happy because it did end in a draw even though that was a match we were expected to win.

Leni: So if we do get a win…

Coach Maru: Then the rest of the world will have to sit up and take notice that yes Jariss is serious about this and we aren’t rolling over for anyone. This is about respect people. Right now we have to scratch and claw for every bit of it we can get. As for Fort Europe, they just beat Jeru FC 2-0 and are tied with Geisenfried for the top spot in the group. And I notice they haven’t allowed a goal yet this Cup, Minna you’ll do something about that right?

Minna: You bet coach!

Coach Maru: Defense this one is on you, time to show last match was just nerves being out in strange territory. This time they’re coming to our place so will you be ready?

Defense: You bet coach!

Coach Maru: OK Tali, homefield advantage is yours, your defense is fired up, ready to shut them down?

Tali: I suppose….

Coach Maru sighs.

Coach Maru: OK people hit the showers, our flight to port so we can cruise back home leaves in three hours.

Gazeta Swilajska
English Version

While being sent into a group where most of the teams are better then our own had worried Swilatian fans, all the worrying might not be necessary. After all, yesterday, the team had won again Cafundeu, a rather surprising result. Tonight's win, against Patusan, was hardly surprising, but it still gives us 3 points, keeping us high in the group. Also, we won 6-2. Thats right, 6-2. Six goals for us, only two for them. This may very well be the team's largest win.

Now, To start getting into further detail with the match, The first Half and the Second Half were both rather chaotic. The first goal in the match was scored by Patusan, at just 13 minutes. However, they were obviously not going to win. In one of the team's counter-attacks, Dąbrowski took away their lead just 5 minutes later, at 18 minutes. Pretty soon, the lead went to Swilatia, with the team scoring a second goal at 27 minutes, with Romańska kicking it in. While Putusan drew the game up again at 41 minutes, we were still going to win. All the fans knew this when the match went into the second half.

And to go into the second half, we scored those last four goals here, taking away from Patusan the thought that they would have any chance of winning the match. Sure, after Rycerski and Dąbrowski scored in goals at 51 minutes, and 59 minutes, Patusan still felt some chance of winning. They were wrong though, and this thought faded away from them, after Dąbrowski scored another goal at 63 minutes. Then, Rycerski scored the final goal for Swilatia, at 79 minutes, gave Patusan now chance of winning. They were definately not able to get 5 goals in the remaining time.

Now, Swilatia is on the very top of the group, with 2 wins and a GD of +5. However, this still does not bring the team right to qualification, most of the qualifying matches are still ahead of them, and the upcoming matches against Az-Cz and FmjPheonix, do not look like easy wins, and they probably won't be.

The Bostopia team were sat in their dressing room after the game. Brian Marne barged the door open, nearly taking it off it’s hinge.

[Marne] Congratulations! You’re managing to play consistently against the smaller teams, carrying on from the last World Cup. And do you know what I mean by that? SHIT! Jesus Christ! Last time, you needed wins against two little crappy teams to get into the playoffs, but NO! You decide you’re gonna be lacklustre, you’re not gonna chase that ball cause your team-mate will oh wait no he hasn’t crap we’re a goal down to a team people spell wrong thinking they’re spelling it right!

The team looked at the floor.

[Marne] SILENCE! Exactly! Because you know you were god-awful! We’re playing Sativaville next, and if you don’t perform, I’m seriously going to start fining you guys. Understand?

Marne charged out the dressing room, slamming the door in the process.

Ulzaxid (0) 2
St Samuel (2) 2

Yet another dismal display by the Latin Crusaders see's yet more pressure piled onto struggling manager Louis Della Penzzi. St Samuel went into the fixture against Ulzaxid looking to win and bouncing back from the defeat against Elves Security Forces.

All looked to be going to plan when captain Tyrone Rock headed in on the 4th minute from a curling Sensini corner and with the early lead St Samuel began to play some great football.

St Samuel built on there lead 10 minutes later when Dexter St John latched onto a superb through ball by Aaron De Villion. St John kept a cool head and the veteran striker flciked the ball around the Ulaxid keeper to make the score line 2-0.

Leo Sensini came close to making it 3-0 with a thunderous free kick which smashed the cross bar and had it have been a couple of inches lower, Sensini would have been celebrating yet another amazing goal.

Ulzaxid seemed shell shocked by the first half and the half time whistle couldn't have come soon enough for them. What was said in the Ulzaxid dressing room at half time is unknown, but there performance was certainly far better in the second half, but it is questionable whether St Samuel's awful play in the second half made Ulzaxid look better than they were.

It took Ulzaxid 15 minutes to pull one back, from a corner, which the Ulzaxid striker found himself unmarked, headed home easily.

St Samuel some how hung on to the delicate lead until the 78th minute when a penalty was awarded in what looked like a dispicable dive by the Ulzaxid striker, when Monte-Pellaino cleared the ball. The penalty was smashed home and the score lines level.

Minutes later Monte-Pellaino found himself sent off for what was definatley a freekick when he attempted to decapitate the same player that dived minutes before, who was going for a header.

The remaining ten minutes turned somewhat hostile with nasty tackles flying in and off the ball incidents and at the full time whistle the St Samuel fan's, who are normally upbeat, even after defeat seemed unhappy with there teams performance.

St Samuel Goalscorers

1 - Maximus Di Sicci
1 - Tyrone Rock
1 - Dexter St John

Turruth Gordur Press Release

From the Desk of Gorgol The Butcher Harad:

The dark shadow of Turruth Gordur continues to expand and gain strength as we make another attempt to invade the Nation States World Cup. Since we have attained mid-level status, we decided—well, I decided—it was time to provide more formal coverage of Turruth Gordur’s assault on the Nation States footballing world.

In our first game, we had to face our allies from the YoungWorld region, Fort Europe, for whom we have the highest degree of respect Turruth Gordur can ever give. When facing this most honorable team, we decided to play them straight up—no bruising or rough play. Although we lost the match 2-4, it was a momentous exchange of footballing skill, and it must be said that on that day, the best team won. Thanks are in order to the citizens of Fort Europe and the team’s management for taking care of our players and supporters. We look forward to returning the favor when Fort Europe visits Turruth Gordur, and, of course, we shall defeat them.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/fort_europe.png [46] Fort Europe 4 — 2 Turruth Gordur [44] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png
FE: Goals at (12’, 41’, 56’, 82’) | TG: Dagor Bragollach (33’, 74’)
Yellow Cards: None | Red Cards: None
Attendance: Unknown | (Fort Europe)

Our second match was a lot different. We were up against a very powerful opponent in Capitalizt Slani, ranked No. 4 in Nation States. However, we are Turruth Gordur, and we will never back down against anyone! We held nothing back against them, and judging by the score and the number of Capitalizt Slani players that needed help getting off the field at the end of the match, I can say that we fulfilled our goal. I must commend our forwards Draco Glaurung and Dagor Bragollach, who confounded the Slani defense, with Draco feeding two passes to Dagor for goals. I must also commend our keeper, Gorbag Madril, who cracked a few Slani skulls while chasing balls down in his goal area. They will be smart to remember to never challenge Gorbag in the box.

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/spaam/COM/ [4] Capitalizt Slani 2 — 2 Turruth Gordur [44] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png
COM: 원리환 (12’), Αναστασια Σπύρου (31’) | TG: Dagor Bragollach (33’, 74’)
Attendance: Unknown | Drakcorp Querzakhi Olympic Stadium (Capitalizt Slani)

Match Log
1. Fort Europe 4 – Turruth Gordur 2
• Draco Glaurung (13’)
• Magda the Forsaken (83’)
2. Capitalizt Slani 2 – Turruth Gordur 2
• Dagor Bragollach (33’, 74’)

Turruth Gordur Press Release

From the Desk of Gorgol The Butcher Harad:

Although we played well against Capitalizt Slani in our last game and left them well bruised and hobbling, we still only have 1 point in two matches. We need a win. Perhaps No. 14 Geisenfried will be the victim of our first victory. What am I saying? They’re a victim, no matter what. We’re planning to bring the brutality and ruthlessness of our football down upon Geisenfried with unmeasurable fury. I have ordered my defenders to brutalize their forwards and anyone that might wander into our penalty box. My midfielders know well enough to dish out the hostility when needed, leaving my forwards to hunt down loose balls and battle for space as they look to violate Geisenfried’s goal. See the black could descending upon Geisenfried? It is Turruth Gordur and we are ready to unleash a rain of blood and terror!

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/geisenfried.png [14] Geisenfried =V= Turruth Gordur [44] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png
Venue: Unknown (Capacity: Unknown) | Geisenfried

And now for something completely different:

The blog shows an embedded video after that headline:

Black text was seen as if it was a film from the time before the invention of sound: Somewhere in Greydarkistan. Then, the video showed a scene of a soccer match, the score: Greydarkistan 0, Seriousistan 1. The video showed the fans on both sides emotionless following the match. The video showed scenes from the match and unmoved fans from both sides in quick intervalls. Then pies fles from nowhere into the faces of Greydarkistan fans, who promptly fell onto the ground, apparently dead. Now music started: Kolokon - Global Circus, the screen faded to black and colorful text appeared: "Note to all RPers" it faded again and new text appeared: "Serious kills! Use more SILLY!" the text faded again and was replaced by a big smiley looking like this: :)

I found this gem on the net, nice video, I think. I am pondering updating the GNUs to be able to throw pies!

The Crimson Blade

Holy Upset!

What a way to get that monkey of their backs. With a commanding 2-0 victory over Nation States footballing juggernauts The Holy Empire (ranked No. 9), the Assegai Developments National Football Team quickly silenced any doubters, surprising even themselves.

The Riskbreakers were the target of a barrage of criticism, both from within and the media, after their dull 0-0 draw at home against No. 142 Clesmire. After such an uninspired performance against a minnow, things seemed likely to get worse for Assegai, having to face the smug Holy Empire squad.

However, Assegai played so well that they couldn’t hold back their astonishment at how thoroughly they defeated The Holy Empire. In fact, team manager Zacharius, who had made it clear he did not expect his team to beat The Holy Empire, but hoped for a respectable score, seemed more upbeat than usual.

“I asked my team to keep the score respectable, and they did,” said the elf in his usual serious tone. “We spent the last week working on the fundamentals of the game. It might have been tedious to go over the basic aspects of football, but I noticed that some of the players were lacking a certain degree of discipline or workmanship that can be remedied by focusing on the simple things… And, yes, I’m content with the victory. Good stuff.”

The key to the victory was Assegai’s dominance of the midfield, which hindered The Holy Empire’s ball possession and limited the amount of threats to Assegai keeper Akihiko Yoshida’s net. It must be noted that Yoshida interacted well with Assegai’s backline, and when any Holy Empire attacker managed to squeeze by them, Yoshida was always there with a gutsy save.

“One of the things that coach pointed out that needed work was our communication with Akihiko,” said defender A.J. Durai. “It really showed in this game, and we were able to keep Akihiko from overexerting himself throughout the match. By the way, this place is amazing. The Imperial Hippodrome kind of reminded us of our own Cathedral Park, so that made us feel a bit at home.”

Interestingly enough, there three Holy Empire players were sent off for various reasons, leaving them with only eight players to finish the game.

Although the majority of the game was a scoreless affair, it was a great deal more intense that the previous match against Clesmire. However, Assegai forward Samantha Neesa made sure that the outcome would be different, taking a pass from team captain and midfielder Ashley Riot from the top of the box, and unloading a wicked shot that found the upper right corner of the net in the 73rd minute.

Although The Holy Empire attempted to even the score, their attacks were quickly smothered, and when Assegai forward Viktor Krum scored in the 89th minute, it was the death knoll for The Holy Empire.

“Very nice to win big game against big team like Holy Empire,” Krum said. “Like coach Zacharius says, ‘Never rest easy.’ We can never let our arms down.”

“Never rest easy” might as well become the team’s new motto, for up next is another difficult opponent, the monks of The Archregimancy, whose orthodox style make them one of the most unique teams in Nation States.

[9] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/alasdair_i_frosticus.png Alasdair I Frosticus 0

[31] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 2

[AIF]
None

[AD]
Samantha Neesa (73’)
Viktor Krum (89’)

Yellow Cards: None | Red Cards: [AIF] Marley (67'), Wittgenstein (82'), Guevara (89')
Attendance: 100,000 | Imperial Hippodrome (Imperial City of Alasdairopolis, The Holy Empire)

Mikaela Eyre Reporting

By halftime, Andrew was more exhausted than he'd ever been. Responsible for what felt like an unfairly large area of the field, he couldn't restrain aggressive styles of play. In fact, a red card would have almost been a welcome excuse to rest. It was 3-0, and he would have completely lost hope if he'd been the type that generally had any.

But he remained in the game, a step behind play. How long had it been since he'd been a step ahead? Perhaps he was just beating out the rain that was forecast to come, like a cloud chasing a plane. (How long had it been since they'd taken a plane trip without having some sort of minuscule crisis?)

The game concluded 4-0. With just enough energy to plod off the field, Andrew collapsed onto the nearest bench at the first opportunity.

But Rube wouldn't let him be. "Andrew, listen up: you should hear this."

He blinked deliberately in an effort to indicate that he was paying attention.

"I think there's a lot of things we can work on. Obviously, if we can cut down on our opponents' opportunities, that's great-Andrew, are you paying attention to me?"

"No."

Apparently satisfied with this answer, Rube continued. "Whoever's on defense, listen up, this means you: we really do need to work out what we're going to do about penalty kicks."

Behind them, the rain that had been restrained as if by elven magic from tainting their game was finally liberated. Drop by drop, it drizzled into Hatire Memorial's eager grass.

We find ourselves at the Assegai Developments National Football Team’s training facility in Leá Monde, the capital of Assegai Developments. Mikaela Eyre makes a few minor preparations before beginning her live report…

“After the huge victory over The Holy Empire, the Riskbreakers face the challenge of the monks of The Archregimancy, one of the more strange and difficult teams in all of Nation States. In preparation for this match, Assegai manager Zacharius has kept his team busy with defensive drills intended to muddle things for the elusive monks. The most interesting thing about the drills is that they are being conducted in complete silence…”

Mikaela turns to midfielder Fleur Delacour, who smiles and waves at the camera.

“Fleur, I’ve never seen or heard such a quiet practice session. What gives?” Mikaela asks her.

“Oh, mon amie, zee eez new teekniques coach Zachareeus eez trying wif us,” she says in her heavily accented English. “Zee monks, zey don’t have no names, see? So coach says to us to be silent. Zee aim eez to make it very hard for other team to feegure out our plays and strategee. Zee plan might not work, but we arr learning to communicate in different ways—zee?”

“Good luck with that, Fleur. It’s going to take a lot of defeat those wily monks,” Mikaela says, turning in the other direction to team captain Ashley Riot.

“Ashley, what is the outlook for the match against the monks?” she asks him, adding, “Don’t sugarcoat things either.”

“The monks are one of the more curious teams in Nation States and that only serves as a distraction to what a potent lineup they possess,” he says. “They’re so confident in their abilities, that the players remain anonymous—anyone on that roster can hurt you. We’re really looking forward to the challenge, but a victory will be very, very hard to come by. However, if we do win or earn a draw…that would be nice.”

“We’ll be wishing you the best,” says Mikaela turning back to the camera. “That is all from here. Be sure to check out the post-game report after the game against the monks. This is Mikaela Eyre signing off!”

[17] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_archregimancy_.png The Archregimancy

VS
[31] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

Venue: Unknown (Capacity: Unknown) | The Archregimancy

Winthrop Tuesday present and correct with another dispatch from the bowels of hell. Looks like Mr Hacker has finally taken yr fthfl svnt's advice and picked the Cafundeu Three. And my bet is that Lenworth Newton will score at least two goals. Even the Hacker can't ruin that.

***

Well, well, well. What do we see here? The proles are rolling because their supposed heroes have won two nil. And how did they do that? Why, with a brace bagged by Newton. Mr Tuesday right again. And how relieved the maggot-ridden morlocks were with such a showing, chanting various songs about what they were going to do with cows and shouting "pull the udder one!!!" The person to whom your interlocutor refers as the perpendicular pronoun punned splendidly on it being Friesian cold but the rather dense dyspeptic organ that inhabits the head of the idiot class could not perceive the genius of said quip.

Nevertheless a bad result for the Swifts. The Hacker will think he is the veritable donation from the divine and strut his capercaillie self across Wentland's media as if he had just laid a particularly orous egg.

Who's next? Who cares? Pass the Bolly.

The Daily Quak
Are Sharks Bottom Feeders?

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team has got off to a wretched and horrible start. They first took on Bostopia last weekend and were shutout 2-0. They had very little possession and were basically dominated. The Sharks looked to win a game when taking on region mates Bettia. Now, just to remember Bettia has almost twenty more ranking points then Quakmybush does, so most people did not expect much. The game started out with Bettia scoring an early goal when Andi Busilanta broke in all alone and scored with a shot that Cam Carroll just couldn't get to. The game went into half time with Bettia winning 1-0. The Sharks came out ready to play in the seconds half with Jon Fields ringing two shots off the bar in the first 10 minutes of the half. The Sharks broke the Bettian goose egg when a red light was shone directly into Chris Swift's eye by a Quakmybushian fan. With Swift basically praying to be helped, Cory Sorley slid the ball in to a wide open net. The score was 1-1 with a quarter of an hour to go, the Sharks looked like they were going to get out of the match with a point. Nothing happened untill the 84th minute when Peri Busilanta was awarded a free kick from 45 yards out. He stepped into the shot and it flew for the top corner, on the way there, his brother, Budi, headed the ball towards that opposite corner, it went in off the post. It was 2-1 Bettia and the wind was taken of Quakmybush's sails. Then in injury time it was a triple Busilanta threat when the third brother, Peri scored.

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 35 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Observation: Globo Multimedia doesn’t use the official three letter codes of the nations (it creates codes according to its will). That’s why in the images Az-cz’s three letter code is AZC, and not A-C. The CCFM doesn’t have control of Globo, so they can’t interfere)

NEVES’S STYLE IS WORKING?

http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/347/semttulodls0.jpg
Supporters filled the stadium to see our loss

The second game of Cafundéu in this World Cup qualifiers was at home against Az-cz. The players knew that the game was going to be difficult, as the opponents were the top seeds of the group, but the supporters were pressing them to get a victory, after a bad first game that ended with a loss. But the home ground isn’t good for Cafundéu, and the team lost control of the game after the opponent coach gave a strange order to his players.

After a good first half, which ended with a temporary victory for Cafundéu, Az-cz returned better in the second half and, after much pressure, was able to win the game with strong attacks, using nearly all their players on them. The supporters were shocked with the sudden change in the scoreline, and so was the team’s staff, but there was nothing that they could do.

With the end of the game, the pressure for good results increased, and the coach discussed with some fanatic fans. He’ll probably make many changes for the next game, and the supporters still don’t know if these radical changes are making more harm than good. Anyway, he is the chosen one to put Cafundéu in the World Cup again, at least for now, as the CCFM already started discussions about his future.

THE GAME
Cafundéu’s players were extremely nervous in the beginning of the game, and missed many passes. But Az-cz’s ones were too, and because of that the first minutes of the game were of many mistakes, and the ball suffered a lot. The first chance was for Cafundéu, with Flecha, who received the ball inside the area and shot, but Gn-Lg made a great save.

Az-cz replied attacking with many players, but Becão stole the ball from Hmr-Pn and stopped the play. After the initial mistakes, Cafundéu was better in the game, and more close to score. It happened before the twentieth minute. Kliek took a free kick in the midfield, the ball went to the area, Gn-Lg made a horrible mistake and Heitor had just to hit the ball with his foot to score the goal. The whole country commemorated. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Free kick in the midfield for Cafundéu. Not rrrrreally dangerrrrrous, I think. But Kliek will take it, so he can trrrrry to send the ball to the arrrrrea. He goes for it, the ball is going to the arrrrrea, the goalkeeper leaves the goal... he fails! The ball will go wide, Heitor hits it first... and it’s a goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! The replay is rrrrreally worth seeing! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu one, Az-cz zero. Good start for the Monopolists! Are you ill? Go to Jutense hospital, a good place to be saved, or to...”

After the goal, Az-cz woke up and gave some trouble to the young goalkeeper Lauro. Pizelkaxrovsky tried to score shooting from outside the area. Lauro didn’t reach the ball, but it hit the post and went wide. In another play, Ip-Gp passed the ball to Ho-Lee Chung, who shot well. Lauro made a good save. Although Az-cz had good chances, Cafundéu was still a bit better, and was close to score with Assis, after another free kick from Kliek. The ball went wide. Read Breno Gavião:

“Last minutes of the first half, Cafundéu winning the game, one against zerrrrro. Az-cz had good chances in the last minutes, now is the time for the rrrrreply. Kliek has another frrrrree kick, this time closer to the arrrrrea. He decides to pass the ball to Assis, who shoots... wide, only wide! The game is prrrretty good, I’m glad that my wife rrrrreminded me to activate the video rrrrrecorder. What to you think, Casinha?” (Casinha is the commentator, who stayed silent)

http://img213.imageshack.us/img213/2429/semttulo2hm2.jpg
Heitor and Kliek commemorated Cafundéu’s goal

Alfredo didn’t want to make many changes in the team, only putting Tales in Flecha’s place. Az-cz made the same. But, inside the field, there were more changes than expected. The Monopolists continued playing with the same style, while the Robbers used more the wings, surprising the opponent’s defense. The visitors’ pressure started. During halftime, Cafundéu’s police had to assist some supporters, who were mugged during the first half, although no one was arrested.

Since the beginning of the second half, Cafundéu suffered to stop the opponent’s attacks. Becão was doing an excellent job, but it really seemed that the hosts were unable to hold the result for much time. In one play, Pizelkaxrovsky shot from outside the area again. The ball hit Becão, who fell over Kirs (who fell too), and hit Lauro’s face. After nearly thirty minutes, Az-cz scored with Kn-Dg, who headed the ball after a free kick. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Cafundéu trrrrries to start a play with Nego Guerrrrrrrreirrrrro and... he loses the ball, and fouls the opponent. Frrrrree kick for Az-cz. The ball is sent to the arrrrrea, everrrrrybody goes for it, Kn-Dg hits it... and it’s a goal! Goal for Az-cz! Kn-Dg! Cafundéu one, Az-cz one! Your breath isn’t good? Need a good tablet? Eat Respirol, the best tablet for your breath!”

Few minutes after the first goal, Lauro was beaten again. This time, Ho-Lee Chung received the ball from Ca-Fu, dribbled the goalkeeper and scored the goal. Becão tried to stop him, but hit his head on the bar, and fell with force in the ground unconscious. He had to leave the game, and, when he recovered his conscience, he said to us: “Oh, no, I lost two teeth! Arrrgh!” The Monopolists had an attack, but Tales missed the chance. In the last minutes of the game, Levesque shot from outside the area and scored a beautiful goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“The game is ending, and I can’t see Cafundéu scorrrrring again. Another loss, and our situation isn’t so good. I hope that we can imprrrrrove to qualify, as the players have talent and can perform better. Look at Az-cz, Levesque rrrrreaches the entrrrrrance of the arrrrrea, shoots... and it’s a goal! Goal for Az-cz! Levesque! Cafundéu one, Az-cz three!”

AFTER THE GAME
The media hasted to hear the comments of the coach. He, noticing the urge of the reporters, said: “The crows came to get advantage of our disgrace. First, understand that our first games were against strong teams, and we have still the games against the weakest teams to come, so I’m not desperated. About the team, I think that I was too impulsive in my changes, so I’ll return to the original team and see if they can perform better. I’m angry, but this time won’t blame the players.”

The players weren’t happy, of course, but weren’t desperated too. Midfielder Kliek said: “Yes, this wasn’t our day... again, but we will improve with the time and need to get the three points in the next game. We’ll do our best, and I’m sure that we’re the favourites to win and will confirm this with a victory.” Defender Kirs said: “If we don’t win the next game, it’ll be horrible. We need these three points, they’ll be vital for us.”

http://img235.imageshack.us/img235/2632/semttulo5oe6.jpg
The CCFM started to discuss if Alfredo Neves is really suitable for the job

CAFUNDÉU 1x3 AZ-CZ

Place: Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta.
Attendance: 150,000 people.
Referee: Dimas Bokal (Jeruselem).
MOTM: James Levesque (Az-cz).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão (Doriva 76') and Alemão; Anormal, Nego Guerreiro, Assis and Kliek (Dário 76'); Heitor and Flecha (Tales 45').
Coach: Alfredo Neves.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/az-cz.png AZ-CZ: Gn-Lg, Nerazurri, Haji-Me and Ca-Fu; Pizelkaxrovsky, Kn-Dg, Levesque, Shockey (Ab-Sol 80'), Ip-Gp (Fe-Do 56'), Ho-Lee Chung and Hmr-Pn (Bn-Ct 45').
Coach: Zax-Im.

Goals:CAF: Heitor 17'.
A-C: Kn-Dg 71' , Ho-Lee Chung 75' , Levesque 87'.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Western Afghanistan: Júnior, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Eduardo Monte; Anormal, Barbosa and Dário; Tales, Heitor and Renário.
Coach: Alfredo Neves.
Style of +2

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 2 games:

2- Heitor
1- Becão

http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/2918/varelsnf8.jpg
Dráuzio during a local game (Cardiologists x Neurologists)

BE CALM NEWSPAPER - PLAYER OF THE DAY
EDITION 2: PROFESSOR DRÁUZIO VARELA (#1)

Today Estresse Intenso's team of doctors lost. Playing in the silent Sector-Delta Sporting Field, the monks of The Archregimancy found a perfect place to use their calm and wise style of playing and could easily dominate the game in the first half, although the doctors gave some work to them in the second half.

After the game, the monks told Doctor Rogério Landau that their prayer would be effective in helping the Institute in fighting against the stress of its patients. The president of the Institute said that medicine and science is what matters, and didn't believe in the monks. But, after a long discuss, he agreed that their prayer could help, but that the medicine would still be more important. One monk stayed in the Institute to help the patients.

Now, to the player of the day. Professor Dráuzio Varela is one of the most respected doctors of the country, and one of the best friends of Doctor Rogério Landau. He has extreme knowledge of science and medicine, and with that he could save many patients from craziness and death. He also is very good in "recruiting" new patients for the Landau Institute.

Dráuzio was born in Insanis, city of the Landau Institute. So, when he was twenty years old, he decided to study in the Landau College (now the Landau Institute, which was only a college when Estresse Intenso was part of Cafundéu). After six years, he got his degree and started working as a scientist, to discover new things for Cafundéu's industries.

When Estresse Intenso got independent, Dráuzio decided to get a specialization in Cardiology, and became very successful with his new work, travelling around the world to talk with other doctors and participate in meetings. When the Landau Institute started to collect patients, he helped Doctor Rogério Landau, and now is one of the most influent members of the Institute. He has three children and three grandchildren. His wife is called Elizabeth.

As a player, Varela has good reflexes and resistance, and became a natural option for the goalkeeper position. Everybody trusts on him, and, even being old, he is able to perform the most surprising saves, which makes him one of the best players of the team.

Kiryu-shi Shut Out Away; Surprise Team In First Place

By Michio Hibbert

Errinundera Kiryu-shi faced what ended up as an insurmountable challenge as they lost to the wounded but deadly Errinundera squad; the second seed in Group One. Even as they got crushed, four nil, Kiryu-shi put up a hard fight, battling for every loose ball and constantly challenging the Errinundera forwards. However, Errinundera was able to break through and dominate for a few goals, and Kiryu-shi could not muster up any kind of respectable attack against a superior defense.

____Errinundera was coming off of a bitter home loss against the surprising Delasa squad, and appeared ready to dominate any challenger that came into their stadium. Kiryu-shi, although they had a confidence boosting win in their first match, could not match up with the talent of one of the best teams in the world. Kiryu-shi started off with their basic tactic and formation, trying to create attacking opportunities using the sides of the field, but their players could not string together any passes, as at least two Errinundera players seemed to swarm onto any Kiryu-shi player with the ball. Pat Mayberry was especially targeted, as he had a player on his tail throughout the match, restricting his ability to get open and get touches on the ball. With Mayberry shut down, Kiryu-shi tried to use Diamanti on the left side to move the ball, but he lost the ball twice within two minutes, and players started losing trust in him. The first goal for Errinundera was sparked when LeBlanc, frustrated by the inability of his team to provide any offense, took off down the center of the pitch with the ball, a strategy that worked well in the previous match. However, when he tried to pass the ball to Hellen Gandy, a midfielder stepped up for Errinundera and started a quick succession of passes to take advantage of the gap in the defensive line that LeBlanc’s departure left. In just the 8th minute, Errinundera already led the game, and they never looked back. Kiryu-shi was not able to rebound from the deficit, as their play got more rushed and excited. The calm and collected Errinunderra squad took advantage of Kiryu-shi aggressiveness again in the 14th minute, when they caught Levi out of his right back position, leaving an Errinundera midfielder wide open to cross the ball into the center leading to a beautiful volleyed goal. Kiryu-shi managed to regain some of it’s composure, and finally created an opportunity to score for Garret McGee in the 22nd minute. Isaac Levi made a beautiful move and got room to sprint up the right side with the ball. After faking a pass to Mayberry further up the line, he sent in an early cross to McGee, who was able to use his size and strength to get into position to head the ball into the net. However, the referee thought he saw too much pulling and tugging, and blew his whistle for a foul before the ball even reached McGee, giving Errinunderra a free kick. The frustration for Kiryu-shi was obvious, and in the 39th minute, it boiled over when LeBlanc made a horrendous challenge into the legs of an Errinunderan player just outside the penalty area, earning him an immediate yellow card from the ref. The low free kick was deflected into the net past Jon Crow, off the foot of an Errinundera attacker. The half ended with the score at three nil, as Errinunderra looked like they were in complete control.

____In the second half, Errinundera started to back off of their attack, and instead focused their efforts on protecting their lead. Kiryu-shi controlled the ball for a majority of the half, but they could not get close enough to the goal to get any great shots off. Every Kiryu-shi player was pressured into kick, inaccurate passes, and countless balls were easily cleared back into the Kiryu-shi half. Kiryu-shi managed to get a few long range shots off, but they missed their mark or were easily gathered up by the keeper. Kiryu-shi began to press using almost their entire team as time wound down, and Errinundera took advantage once again, as a quick counter and breakaway led to their fourth goal of the match in the 83rd minute, and the game ended at four nil.

____Kiryu-shi now has one win and one draw as they look to better their record against the first place Delesa squad, the only team in group one who has two wins, as they beat Wentland and Tolvarus in back to back games. Kiryu-shi is currently in fifth place early in the competition as a result of goal differential, as four teams are grouped at one win and won loss. Kiryu-shi will have to stay focused if they hope to take three points at home, in a game that they can win. They will start with their standard formation, as Gregory Iverson looks healthy enough to play again after tweaking his ankle earlier in the first match.

CBC WORLD SPORTS

Milchama: Milchama here, reporting on Cookesland at World Cup 35

The Blue Eyed Man: So far so good i'd say

Lostelle: Can't disagree with you there, MD 2 Cookesland vs. Willink
a good game. The Willink team started out strong, getting past the defensive line and scoring.

Cookesland 3 Willink 1

Cookesland then rallied back too score two goals, one by Peter Rykil and then a second by Michel Fedris. The Willinkians started to play more aggressive as the First half progressed. Defensive line player Nick Salrisa was quoted saying " They just kept coming in waves, they'd ge the ball and head strait for the goalie, unfotunatly or them they have us to get past."

The Blue Eyed Man: The second half of them game however, was clearly dominated by Cookesland. In a few of the best plays i've seen this team perform goalie passed to defensive lineman Nick Salrisa, who passed it to striker Patrick Andolor, who quickly got past the Willinkian defense to score the final goal for Cookesland.

Milchama: and the fans couldn't be happier, the stands exploded with cheers and flagwaving. It was a very good time over all, now the team will have to hold up to face the HURD. Good luck team we're cheering for you.

GO KNIGHTS!

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/FAWA%20Logo.jpg
Red Card, Black Outlook; After Lone Goal Downs Western Afghanistan

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/WAF-FMJ%205.bmp
Hirir’s 78th minute sending off

Western Afghanistan faltered today in their match against Fmjphoenix at the Q'an Coliseum; with striker Bruce Chen picking up the only goal of the match within the first ten minutes. Good defending and smart attacking by the visitors led to major frustration on both sides of the ball for the Sorkh-o-siahe, and qualification hopes are now in severe jeopardy, as the West Afghans' next match is against powerhouse Cafundeu.

The Avalanche of Mummies were terribly disappointed, as the knowledge was prominent that a second loss would put them emphatically in last place in the group. The ever-mummified Ali Nuluqe was present to speak with us:

“Where was Rushufi? Why couldn’t we feed him? I mean, we thought we had trouble feeding him in the Baptism of Frost semifinal against Jariss; but tonight their back line just completely shut us down. Hosseini made some more stupid substitutions, too. Nakhar got subbed in again, and he’s repeatedly proven himself to be totally worthless. And what was he thinking taking Ramat Muhammad OFF in the 85th minute? We were left with nobody on the left. I mean, we had Zuled Muhammad trying to improvise out there, but that didn’t help at all. That poor guy’s been having to play out of position every time he takes the field in this 3-5-2. What a joke.”

However, some good news can be found in that Khuhekhezal Muhammad will finally return to his duties with the team for the upcoming match against Cafundeu at the Q'an Coliseum. He has declared his admiration for Cafundeu's strong attacking style of football, and all fans from the visiting country will be extremely welcome in Herat.

THE MATCH

The game started with some fierce attacking by Fmjphoenix. The Sorkh-o-siahe, just like in their last game against Patusan, had trouble opening strong, which was one of the key facets to their remarkable Baptism of Frost performance. A nifty attack down the right flank by Fmjphoenix fullback Ryan Fremont led to a passionate keeper charge by Fahifa. The captain made a strong save, but in so doing tripped the attacking man. No foul was called, but the two immediately had a heated argument, and it escalated to the two shoving each other.

Both Fremont and Fahifa were promptly yellow carded together; it was only the second minute. These two cards were the first of twelve total in the game, which was unusual for the typically lenient Alisdair I Frosticus referee Michael Lascaro. In fact, the next booking occurred in the 6th minute, as Muhammad Ramat Muhammad found himself out of position in the middle of the pitch from 25 yards out of goal. His tackle from behind on Juan Espinoza was a clearly bookable offense, and Lascaro wasted no time in producing the third card of the game.

Fmjphoenix took the free kick quickly, and simply sublime skill by the taker Bruce Chen curled a beautiful banana kick past Fahifa to put the visitors up one nil.

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/WAF-FMJ%201.bmp
Chen gave Fmjphoenix the lead with a pretty in-curler to the near post

Fmjphoenix got themselves their second yellow in the 32nd minute when Sam Blancher “accidentally” stepped on Iqu Afi’s right hand when the Ghavvasa striker went for a 50/50 ball. Lascaro was unimpressed and angrily handed out yellow number four.

The rest of the first half was terribly uninteresting. As can be so frequent in one nil matches, the early goal fossilized Fmjphoenix’s attacking. The visitors’ willingness to simply play the ball around the back outraged the Avalanche filling the Q’an, but they could do nothing as Fmjphoenix let the clock simply bleed down.

In the second half, Western Afghanistan’s frustration began to shine through very, very clearly. Hirir earned his second yellow in as many matches after making an arguably legitimate tackle on McNamara in the 46th minute. Lascaro wouldn’t tolerate it, and booked Hirir.

Fmjphoenix’s centre mid Laura Boyd picked up a yellow for a shirt tug and was nearly red carded for arguing, Ruburirin caught Chen with a rather late tackle just outside the area and earned himself a booking, and substitute Nakhar couldn’t keep up with the speedy Kayla Mik’ala, so he pulled he pulled her down from behind, which didn’t fly with Lascaro, and he was booked. These three bookings all occurred within a 200 second span near the 56th minute.

The 78th minute resulted in another shoving match, this time between Hirir and centre back Justin McNamara. McNamara’s right uppercut should have earned him an instant red, but when Hirir retaliated with an elbow to the neck, Lascaro simply pulled the two apart and showed the both the yellow. This was of course Hirir’s second yellow, however, and he was tossed. Western Afghanistan’s first red card in a top level international couldn’t have come at a worse time, as even with an extra seven minutes of stoppage time, a ten-man attack simply wasn’t enough to equalize. A truly disappointing evening left the Avalanche of Mummies simply hoping for the best versus an exciting Cafundeu side.

Western Afghanistan 0-1 Fmjphoenix

Venue: Q’an Coliseum (Herat, Western Afghanistan)
Attendance: 70,000
Referee: Michael Lascaro (Alisdair I Frosticus)
MOTM: Chen (Fmjphoenix)

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/Western%20Afghanistan%20BoF.bmp Western Afghanistan: Fahifa; Inu, Ruburirin, and Zuneh; Ena (Nakhar ’52), M.Z. Muhammad, Huzish (M.I. Muhammad ’66), Hirir, and M.R. Muhammad (Qer ’85), Afi and Rushufi

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/Fmjphoenix.bmp Fmjphoenix: Cabrillo; Fremont, Ley’lei, McNamara, and Mik’ala; Blancher, Boyd, Brown, and Espinoza; Berry and Chen

Goals:
WAF: none
FMJ: Chen ‘6

Next Match:
Western Afghanistan - Cafundeu
Q’an Coliseum; Herat, Western Afghanistan
Lineup: Fahifa; Inu, Ruburirin, and Zuneh; Ena, M.Z Muhammad, Huzish, Qeshelu, and M.R. Muhammad; Afi and Rushufi
Referee: Kraig Gellar (Qazox)

Khuhekhezal Muhammad, speaking with the press after the Fmjphoenix loss, discussed the upcoming match against Cafundeu:

“After the final whistle of tonight’s match, I am officially the manager of the Western Afghanistan national team, and I’m happy to be resuming my duties. I’m ready to put what happened during the Baptism of Frost at Frosty Hollow behind me. It’s time to get down to business and fix what’s gone wrong in these first two matches.

“Am I angry with Jafaje (Hosseini)? No, of course not. He made some decisions that I would not have made, but in the end I would say he did the very best he could and I haven’t the slightest unkind thing to say about him. He’ll certainly be kept on as strikers coach.

“Cafundeu will be seeing a different team. We are not going to start slow like we have in the last two matches; that I can promise. It’s inexcusable, really, and no, it’s not Jafaje’s fault. Those guys were clearly not motivated in either of those first two matches, and I will not put up with that when I talk to them later tonight. We may not beat Cafundeu, but if we do lose at least we’ll do it with some class, unlike tonight.

"Oh, and Qeshelu will be starting for the time being at left centre mid."

A voice from inside the locker room behind Muhammad was heard yelling, "Oh, sweet!"


Western Afghanistan’s World Cup Qualifying Goalscorers
Ruburirin 1
Rushufi 1

OOC: Pretend this is a French broadcast, as TéléOli is the national public French channel

IC:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v338/Oli55/TlOliSportslogo.png

Off-focus voice: You're watching TéléOli: Votre télévision francophone

*Introduction of "Le soccer à TéléOli" starts, showing a player kicking a football in the TéléOli's "O", then fades to the following screen:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v338/Oli55/GamePresentationTloliOli-.jpg

Christian Chabot: Live from the newly built Complexe national de Soccer, TéléOli presents you le Soccer de la Coupe du Monde à TéléOli. This afternoon, this game will oppose Oliverry to Ropa-Topia.

*screen fades out to a shot of the play-by-play guys in a luxury box of the stadium*

Christian Chabot: Hello everyone. My name is Christian Chabot and on behalf of Nicolas Pétrie and all the team, I welcome you to the second match of the Oliverrian squad in this Group 5 of the World Cup Qualifications between the Oliverrians and Ropa-Topie. I'm going to tell you Nicolas, this stadium is the best thing that could have happened to oliverrian soccer.

Nicolas Pétrie: I have to agree on that. A very big stadium, with place for everyone. The stadium is as full as it can get 10 minutes before an important international game.

Chabot: Yes. To our téléspectateurs, the Complexe National de Soccer is the new national stadium for Oliverry. It is supposed to host all international games from the national squad, some very important domestic games and the final of the Coupe Oliverrienne, the national cup. There are also two training fields, which are actually two full fields almost side-by-side, which can hold up to 1000 people together. These fields are going to be used by the players of the local leagues to try and promote national interest in soccer. They will also be used by the national team for practicing, as they are their main goal.

Pétrie: Thanks for the precisions Christian. Now, let's stop speaking about the stadium and let's concentrate ourselves on the line-ups, presented by le tout nouveau Cappuccino gelé de Tom Mortons. The Oliverrian team will be the same as last game, with a 3-3-4 as usual. On the Ropa-Topian side, there seems to be nothing official yet, as no name appear on our roster sheet, only numbers.

Chabot: And the kickoff will happen in a few seconds now. Let's note that Ropa-Topia will start off with the ball et... C'EST PARTI! Thanks for lwatching this game on TéléOli! #8 passes to #2. #2 gets the ball stolen by Bertrand Lagassé...

*40 minutes later*

Pétrie: [...] so, it's very important for the Oliverrian squad to stay focused on their game now, as they seem to take it smoothly.

Chabot: Très bien. So, it's Bellerose passing to Kevin Carter on midfield and OOHHH!! #12 intercepts! He's now on a breakaway! Will Dominic Webb be able to stop him? #12 shoots... COMPTE! What a mistake by Amaury Bellerose on that play...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v338/Oli55/TeleoliRopatopiagoalgame2.jpg

Pétrie: Yes: He attempted a pass to Kevin Carter, but #12 was running fast to intercept the ball, and he did intercept it. The defenders seemed asleep as they realised too late that #12 was running with the ball. That resulted in a breakaway and a goal that Webb couldn't even stop. A goal that will surely be featured in Sportschannel's top 5 mon cher Christian.

Chabot: Very good analysis there Nicolas while Tristan Vadeboncoeur passes to Gérard Labbé to kickoff. Ropa-Topie now leads un - zéro.

*At the end of the half*

Chabot: So Nicolas, what's your summary of the first half?

Pétrie: A half completely dominated by Oliverry, who held the ball 68% of the time. But Ropa-Topie was opportunistic and scored a goal at the 41st minute, making the score 1-0. My opinion now is that the game is not over yet, but that Jérôme Desaulniers will need to wake his squad up before even thinking of doing anything else.

Chabot: Well, thank you Nicolas. It's now time to get to a commercial break.

*Now the 2nd Half begins*

Pétrie: *laughs* Well, that was a good joke Christian haha...

Chabot: Ok now, let's be serious and start the second half. Gérard Labbé touches the ball et c'est parti pour un autre 45 minutes! Vadeboncoeur, passes behind to Sanschagrin...

*57th minute*

Chabot: Corner to Oliverry after the Ropa-Topian keeper sent the ball behind his net.

Pétrie: Yeah. What a mistake there. He could easily have caught the ball but wasn't able and touched the ball to send it behind his net.

Chabot: So... it's Henrichon with the kick... right into the penalty area. LAGASSÉ! passes to Labbé with a header... LABBÉ SHOOTS... ET LEEEEEE BUUUUUUTTTTTTTTT!!! GÉÉÉÉÉÉRRRAARRRRDDDDD LAAAABBÉÉÉÉÉÉ!!! And the game is tied one-one!

Pétrie: Now, the Ropa-Topian defensive is faulty on that play. They let the mid-offensive duo control the ball and that resulted on a goal by Gérard Labbé!

Chabot: Nicolas... hear the crowd there. Technician, could we raise the volume of the crowd please?

*a 150,000 people crowd roars loudly on the television*

Chabot: This is unbelievable Nicolas... if that's when they score, imagine what will happen when they win the game. And the game is now underway with #8 passing to #7. He tries a pass into the Oliverrian midfield, where #15 is placed, but it's got intercepted by Philippe Babin. Babin, to Bellerose, who ships the ball right to Lagassé.

Pétrie: Yes, that's a great team play there. The ball's flow is good, no problem in moving it from a player to another. Ropa-Topie seems desperate now.

Chabot: OOHH!! And Querry that is able to pass the last defender! Three Oliverrian strikers on the keeper. Querry passes to Vadeboncoeur who shoots. Right on the keeper who can't handle the ball. Lagassé takes the ball, shoots ET MARQUE!! LAAAAGGGAAASSSSSÉÉÉ!!! Oliverry just took the lead 2-1 with two goals in two minutes!!! Who would have thought that?!

Pétrie: Once again, Ropa-Topie's defence is to blame. They let the Oliverrians counter-attack fastly, and that resulted into a goal by the Oliverrian squad.

Chabot: Thanks for the precisions. Remember everyone when I told you that the new stadium has a great acoustic? Well, that's what we can hear now. Over 200 dB are expelled from that stadium. If you couldn't make it here, well, you're missing something. Now, the Ropa-Topian squad kicks off. #11, to #7...

*89th minute*

Pétrie: Now that Oliverry seems to play pretty defensively, Ropa-Topie started to attack a lot. Five shots on Dominic Webb, who stopped them all, thanks to his rebuilt confidence after allowing a goal earlier in the match.

Chabot: You mean they are playing defensively? I now see them in the offensive zone. Two on one, involving two subs: Jesse Bell and Gustave Jobin. Bell, to Jobin. Back to Bell. They're still advancing. #26 advances to intercepts, but misses as Bell passes back to Jobin. TWO ON THE KEEPER! Jobin shoots... ET LE BUT!! JOBIN JOBIN!! A player that entered the pitch five minutes ago and he scores. Now 3-1 for Oliverry and this game is now over it seems, even though the fourth referee called for three minutes of iinjury time.

Pétrie: Oliverry's counter-attack is simply destructive. For all the game, I did not see it, until that goal. The Ropa-Topian defender made a nice try there, as that's how they successfully stopped the Oliverrian squad all day long. But it didn't work this time, and Jobin took this opportunity to score his first goal ever with the national team.

Chabot: So, it's now 3-1, as Ropa-Topie kicks-off...

*5 seconds before the game ended*

Chabot: And now, the Ropa-Topian squad is holding the ball, but it's too late as it's about to be over. The crowd is all stand up and cheering. C'EST MAINTENANT FINI! Victoire de Oliverry 3-1 sur Ropa-Topie!! What an incredible second half there Nicolas!

Pétrie: Yes. The two Oliverrian goals in two minutes definately settled the game and made it over. Oliverry only had to play defensively to win, and it proved to work. It even permitted Jobin to get a goal at the 89th minute after a counter-attack by him and Bell.

Chabot: Thanks Nicolas. So, it's now time for a commercial break. After the break, the summary of the match, then the conclusion.

*After the break*

Chabot: We are now back. Nicolas, what is the summary of the match?

*Screen fades to a table of the scored goals*

Pétrie: After one half, it was 1-0 Ropa-Topie, after #12 scored a spectacular goal on Webb. A half Oliverry dominated. On second half, Oliverry more than dominated, after Gérard Labbé and Bertrand Lagassé scored two goals in two minutes. At the 81st minute, they were subbed by Jesse Bell and Gustave Jobin, who took advantage of a counter-attack to score a third goal for the Oliverrian squad on the 89th minute.

*screen fades to this (at the bottom of the screen):
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v338/Oli55/Finalscoregame2.jpg

Chabot: So, I thank everyone that tuned in to TéléOli for this match. Final score, Oliverry: 3, Ropa-Topia: 1. So, on behalf of me, Christian Chabot, Nicolas Pétrie and all the team, it was a pleasure to call the play-by-play for this match. Thank you once again and we'll meet on next game, as Oliverry will take on Abu Omar, in Abu Omar. Good evening everyone.

Matchday 3 RP Cutoff

Matchday 3 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12725158&postcount=3)

Back in the present/past:

ROCKPORT WORLD NEWS, Channel 7

Our continuing coverage of the TACHYON CASCADE, For all intents and purposes, the City of Fromburg is no more. The cascade has completely engulfed that city and is still spreading. The president, Frank Young, has declared Fromburg and the surrounding area a disaster area. At the current rate of growth, now 100 ft a minute, every person with in a 50 miles radius of Fromburg has been evacuated. Still no progress in how to slow or stop the cascade as of yet, but according to our sources, a fusion bomb, could begin to reverse the casade and implode it. But, if the fuson bomb is not successful the cascade could feed of the energy and grow faster. We hope that the calculations are correct, if such a thing is needed. More on this story as it develops.

<Skip ahead to sports>

Qazox got back on track with a 2-0 win over Tolvarus earlier today. Goals scored by: Greg Holden in the 17th and Yancy Fry, his second in the 49th provided all the scoring needed against this new team. John Freel made 7 saves, including a diving penalty kick save in the 78th minute. Up next for the Black Oxen is a trip back home. The game was originally scheduled to be played in Fromburg, but now has been moved to SaxerVilla at the SaxerDome, which can seat 85,000. The game will be against Kiryu-shi, and should be one of the tougher games of the qualifing round.


And now back to the future/present:
YEAR 3421 Day 290
PLACE FORMER COUNTRY OF QAZOX, Q CONTINUUM
TIME 0359 STANDARD

"... and then I saw you and the ruins." Kyle said.

"So your ex-wife found the object? And somehow figured out it could be used for time-travel?" La-Yo replied. "We'd have to run some tests to be sure, but this could explain alot of things we've found in our scans of Qazox."

"Like what?" Kyle asked.

"For some reason, only Qazox was in ruins, not the rest of Continuum. They are in ruins as well, but date from about 300 years ago. We suspect that Tritium Bombs wiped out the rest of the region." La-Yo answered.

"Tritium Bombs? We had a treaty with every other nation not to produce such weapons. I guess after Qazox was destroyed, the rest of them thought the treaty was voided." Kyle stated. "So what can I expect from Commander Sauter?"

"Well, I'll give him a copy of what you told me over the last couple of hours, but I think that he's going to do a Level-5 bio-scan n you, keep you in quarantine, as I will probably. Other than that who knows?" La-Yo replied. "There it is: Confederation Base Alpha-5:"

<Both men look out the front viewscreen:>

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/9d/Borg_Cube_Model_1.JPG/120px-Borg_Cube_Model_1.JPG

The Crimson Blade

Silent Night… Holy Night

As the referee finally blew the final whistle of the match between The Archregimancy and Assegai Developments, there was a huge explosion of emotion that erupted onto the field from the Assegai bench and supporters. Assegai’s 2-1 victory over the monks was definitely one of the biggest, most emotional and important in the team’s history.

“Throughout the four minutes of injury time, I kept looking up at the scoreboard, and I couldn’t believe my eyes,” said Assegai defender Barnard Mallowburne excitedly after the match. “I’m not saying it couldn’t be done—because we did it tonight—but, we just beat The Archregimancy!”

It was a mass of players and supporters crying and hollering on the field after the match, as the solemn, but respectful Archregimancy crowd offered the Riskbreakers a standing ovation. The Assegai players returned the gesture by bowing deeply and genuflecting before leaving the pitch.

As in the prior match against The Holy Empire, Assegai was locked in a scoreless draw at the half with the wily monks, who almost drove Assegai’s defense into the ground. The monks’ persistence finally paid off in the 47th minute, when they converted off a series of passes and headers that left Assegai’s defense running in circles.

The monks continued with the attack, pressed on by their home crowd, who kept chanting and praying as the minutes wore on. However, it was Assegai’s prayers that were answered in the 65th minute, when midfielder and team captain Ashley Riot outran his defender on a give-and-go with forward Samantha Neesa, drilling a shot deep into the Archregimancy net.

Assegai stepped up their level of play, maintaining their code of silence, and just when it seemed the game might end in a draw, midfielder Fleur Delacour dribbled and juked out her defender and blasted a curving shot in the 81st minute that was way beyond the reach of the Archregimancy keeper.

The looks on the faces of the Assegai players told it all. They just wanted to explode in celebration, but those emotions were soon mixed in with the stressful and harrowing last few minutes of the match. Then came the final whistle and a loud roar from the Assegai players and their supporters.

“You have no idea what this means to us,” said Neesa after the game as tears rolled down her cheeks. “To come in here as virtual underdogs with very little chance of even scoring, and to beat them…it’s just too much for me to take right now.”

Meanwhile, Assegai Manager Zacharius remained staunch as ever, but, once again, seemed upbeat. “It was a well-earned victory over a very difficult opponent, and I can’t blame my players for celebrating,” he said. “However, we can’t celebrate wholeheartedly yet, since we’re only three matches into the qualifying run, and up next, we have a game against a dangerous foe in Estresse Intenso. Still, good win for us tonight.”

[17] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_archregimancy_.png The Archregimancy 1

[31] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 2

[ARC]
Anonymous (47’)

[AD]
Ashley Riot (65’)
Fleur Delacour (81’)

Yellow Cards: None | Red Cards: None
Attendance: Unknown | Venue Unknown (The Archregimancy)

Mikaela Eyre Reporting

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 7-2 Kristovenia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kristovenia.png

Goalfest boosts Ariddian confidence

A convincing win was both expected and hoped for as Ariddia took on the team from odd little Kristovenia at ubhashinim Ahwa’u Stadium. Local authorities had made the most of the event to stage a Kristovenian cultural awareness exhibition at a nearby museum, giving the hosts a better understanding of their guests’ history, customs, art and lifestyle.

“I’m looking forward to going there for the away match,” Ariddian defender Ke Sho said, having visited the exhibition shortly after the game. “It seems like a fascinating place.” This sentiment was echoed by many of his team mates.

Meanwhile, on the playing field, the Rouge-et-Noirs had pummelled their guests with their usual all-out attack. Iol Et scored in the eighth minute, followed by midfielder Richard James in the sixteenth. The Rouge-et-Noirs had a quasi-monopoly of the ball, but the Kristovenians were not here to be meekly dominated, and at first they made good use of the ball whenever they could get hold of it. Lucius Cornelius Sulla narrowed the gap in the twenty-fifth minute, before Lucas Arbustier increased the lead again six minutes later. Finally, in the thirty-ninth minute, Demetrius Poliorketes slipped the ball past Cassie Lee –who had misjudged her exit from the goalcage– and into the net. A last valiant effort by the same Poliorketes in the dying seconds of the first half, with a shot on goal, was well saved by Lee, preventing what would have been a surprising equaliser.

If they had fought back tooth and nail in the first half of the match, however, the Kristovenians fell apart in the second. Unable to keep up the rapid pace they had contributed to set, they were forced ever more into a fumbling defensive position.

A succession of goals by du Valdor, Dargeau (twice) and Et made for a completely one-sided second half, and brought the final score up to a rather impressive seven goals to two. The home crowd were delighted. There was no doubting their favourite team this evening, and the early struggle against Green Wombat was quite forgotten.

It was, all things considered, a time to feel optimistic.

Brian Marne was walking out of the players entrance to Deepbay Stadium, in Port Flamerty, when he was pulled to the side by a man in military uniform.

[Marne] What the? Who the hell are you?
[Col.Friff] I’m Colonel James Friff, with the Bostopian Police Force – Home Defense Force.
[Marne] The HDF? Christ.

Everyone had heard of the HDF in Bostopia. If you didn’t think these guys were the secret police, then you were delusional.

[Col.Friff] Brian, we’ve got intelligence saying you’ve got a very credible threat against you from Laquari Terrorists.
[Marne] Well, doesn’t all of the squad?
[Col.Friff] Well, yes. But you primarily. I need to know what route you take when you watch Rolida FC train.
[Marne] Well, I take the PF-179.
[Col.Friff] Right. We’ll be putting extra staff on that road. Thank you, and if you see anything suspicious, report it to us. Oh, what formation you playing in the next match?
[Marne] I’m thinking wingbacks, with three central defenders, three midfielders and two strikers, with one of the midfielders pushing forward a bit as a centre-forward maybe.
[Col.Friff] Looks good. Take care now…and don’t mention this to anyone.
[Marne] Right…

The Colonel and Bostopia manager walked their separate ways. The Colonel turned a corner and got into a people-carrier, though only one person was in it at the time.

“Marne toketh the bait. He asked not for identification. He was too engrossed in the Bostopian game.”
“Excellent work mine brother. Brian Marne shall soon feel the plight of our peoples.”

“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s matchday 3 coverage of Tynelia’s trek towards the World Cup. I’m your co-host Troy Wallace with Dinah Miller. Tynelia’s return to the old school appeared again today as for the second straight match Tynelia came up with a 1-0 win, this time over Commerce Heights JSY. This ends their long road trip with a 2-0-1 mark against the bottom three teams of the group.”

“This is a good sign for the team Troy. They’ve bounced back nicely with a pair of shutouts and this time Tina Conroy came through with the game winner to get the team back among the leaders of the group.”

“They’re still third though a point behind the Green Wombat and top seed, defending champs Arridia who just destroyed Kristovenia 7-2.”

“Yes Troy but they can take care of that as the team finally comes home after their long road trip when they take on our old BoF rivals the Wombats.”

“And coming home not too soon I’d gather for Coach Masterson’s tastes after the trouble the team had getting to its first match. He still believes there is some conspiracy afoot Dinah.”

“At least it hasn’t affected the team. In fact it almost seems like its inspired them based on the two straight shutouts after his rant. Do you think it was actually a ploy by Coach Masterson to light a fire under the team before they could drop too far back?”

“Well its possible I guess Dinah but Coach Masterson isn’t really known for that sort of behavior throughout his time here at the Cup. I think that was a legitimate outburst on his part.”

“But still, since he’d never done anything like that before it might be what made the outburst so effective since it was unexpected Troy.”

“That is a point Dinah but even though it seems to have worked I don’t think he was thinking about that at the time.”

“Fair enough Troy, the Tynelian Soccer Federation has sent Coach Masterson about future outbursts so he’s only made an announcement to keep his mouth shut to the press until after group play finishes.”

“So that brings up the Green Wombat, our oldest major rival other than Qazox whom we haven’t faced in quite a while. Did you know Dinah, the Wombats were the team that gave us our first ever loss in international play when they beat us in the BoF quarterfinals before WC 27. We had been undefeated with one draw through group play and were considered one of the favorites to win it all when we got knocked out leaving the door open for Becquerelia to take the title over Haraki.”

“No I didn’t Troy, probably because I was only about 7 or 8 at the time.”

“Ouch.”

“Sorry Troy.” <smiles> “ But its always good to hear about our past efforts from someone who was actually there when it was happening, gives our younger viewers an idea that these last two qualifications weren’t some automatic thing like the major powers like Arridia who have been here since the first ever Cup and are now #1 in the world.”

“Well Dinah, I hope it doesn’t take us 34 Cups to win one though, the wait to qualify was bad enough. I don’t think our fans could wait that long for a Cup championship.”

“ I think you’re right about that Troy.”

“OK Dinah, then lets take a look at the Wombats then coming to our qualifiers home opener here in Tynelia. They stunned a lot of people getting a day 1 draw with Arridia in what has been their statement match to this point and have been an offensive powerhouse, just like they always have been, so far with 11 goals to our three. However their defense is as shaky as their offense is strong with 7 goals allowed already to our 2. So I think this one could go either way, either a shootout which will favor them or a defensive struggle which favors us.”

“We are the best defensive squad they will face in the group though Troy, that should work in our favor.”

“Yes it should, a lot of these high scoring teams have trouble against teams that actually play defense as not too many teams in the qualifiers think defense first like we do. However we’ve faced the Wombats a lot in the past so it won’t be as surprising to them as some other teams.”

“Well its your turn to go first then Troy. We have the next two matches against the two teams ahead of us in the standings. What’s you’re call against the Wombats?”

“OK then Dinah, I think the shutout streak comes to an end but I also think the offense rebounds slightly at home and Tynelia wins 2-1.”

“Really Troy? I think there’s going to be more scoring than that. I do have to say the homefield advantage and the Tynelia towel waving fans get us by the Wombats but by a 3-2 score.”

“Well we’ll just have to see. Niether of us was right last time so hopefully one of us, like say me, gets it right this time around. But that’s all the time we have for today on Tynelian Soccer Weekly. For Dinah Miller this is Troy Wallace, have a good night.”

The Jariss squad dances off the field to the cheers of the 4700 people jamming the Jariss Arena after their shocking draw against highly ranked Fort Europe in their first ever international soccer home matchup. Old time fans are heard after the game saying “Now this is the way soccer’s supposed to be played.” After that most traditionally perfect of Jariss scores, the 0-0 draw. Though the team still finds itself last on goal differential in the group no one on the team is thinking about that just yet.

Fya Panai: Woohoo we’re awesome! That’s the kind of score I like!

Joa Giranu: Yeah but a win would have been even better.

Minna Dawo: Hey don’t forget what Coach told us, a draw is just like a win for us against these guys. Tali kicked butt out there!

Tali Vindu: Oh my God I don’t believe it. I actually got a shutout today. I had a good game. Wheee!

<Tali dances around with a reluctant Goru Lyani>

Gia Banama: See Tali, just have faith in yourself and your talent will get you through. You can only get better each time you play. Pretty soon you’ll be tossing shutouts against the champs, um whoever they are Arrydar or something like that.

Leni Banama: Arridia dear, they’re not in our group though.”

Gia: Well ok Mr. know-it-all, how am I supposed to remember all these odd sounding countries names?

Leni: I didn’t have any trouble, besides Arridia’s pretty easy to remember.

Gia: Don’t forget Mr. college grad, not all of us got scholarships to study overseas you know.

Leni: Easy dear I didn’t mean anything by it. Hey we’re supposed to be celebrating here remember?

Gia: Oh I know Leni so quit getting me upset with you.

Leni: Yes dear.

Gia: Don’t you “yes dear” me like…
Coach Maru Hiniru: OK you two quiet down, you sound like Fya and Goru over there. We had a huge performance out there to make the home crowd proud, I don’t want to hear any complaining from anyone.

<Gia and Leni look ashamed and Fya and Goru look upset as they were actually innocent for a change.>

Coach Maru: See people? WE can compete with these top teams and we can take points from them. Sure it would be nice to get the win but tell that to that sellout crowd that was screaming their brains out in the stands trying to will you to this shutout. Maybe some of them don’t realize that winning is the key but they know what you all did out there against one of the rising powers of our sport. Take some times and be proud of that.

<Team cheers>

Coach Maru: Tali what did I tell you? I knew you could shut these guys down and you did it.

Tali: You were right coach how did you know?

Coach Maru: Beside you’re the best damned keeper I’ve coached that why. You just need to believe it yourself tali and don’t take those games where you give up a few goals so personally. Even the best teams in the world allow goals. Its nothing to be ashamed about. Defense you backed Tali all the way out there great work. Minna too bad you didn’t score today but this was the defense’s day.

Minna: Oh don’t worry Coach I’ll just have to make up for it next time!

Coach Maru: That’s the spirit.

Konu Zaryi: Hey and we’re tied for third now.

Coach Maru: That’s right though the tiebreakers don’t work in our favor right now but we’re still in this. The way everyone keeps getting draws it might only take one or two upset wins to grab the playoff spot. I don’t think anyone expected to see us hanging around for that at this point in the qualifiers.

But that brings us to our next match. Commerce Heights, top seed of the group and in their stadium not ours. We took a big step to respectability here tonight, taking any points on the road in our next match will be an even bigger one. With the Geisenfried match behind us at least you people know what to expect from these huge crowds out there so I don’t see anyone here getting rattled by it this next match. Even if we can’t pull off a win or a draw I want you people doing your best out there so they know, top seed or not that they’ve been in a hell of a match. A competitive loss on the road against the top seed will make them wonder, “they almost got us in our stadium, what happens when we go to theirs?” That’s the first crack in any team’s morale and when they come back here we’ll just have to treat them like we did Fort Europe here today isn’t that right boys and girls?

Team: Yeah! You know it!

Coach Maru: Ok then hit the showers and savor this one, visit the family and bask in the adoration of your people while we can. Leni, Gia settle your spat at home, it doesn’t belong in the locker room. We leave in two days so hit the showers and get yourselves ready to make another impact in this Cup.

Dinkie Dosha and Dazza with an ice pack on her head

Dinkie: Hello, this is Dinkie Dosha. This is the FOOTBALL LIFE!
Dazza: I'm the Village Bike with a bag of dihydrogen oxide at very low temperatures on my head. I'll explain later.

Dinkie: For people who are real stupid, that's ice. Oh, some idiots here throw stuff around in the crowd and something landed on Dazza's head. Dazza wasn't happy about it. I think we should wear helmets if we play Rossglass again.
Dazza: I'll go borrow one from Jeru FC, they have helmets.

Dinkie: It's match day 3, and we played Rossglass. OK, all I can say it the referee today was blind as a bat. The bloody echo sounder was not working.
Dazza: We had enough offside called against us - well too many. He needs glasses, we had two disallowed goals at least and the bloody idiot kept on blow whistle for stupid reasons. A stop-start game and we weren't allowed to score. I'm not happy! And Dinkie got sent off for complainting the ball did cross the line when it wasn't given.

Dinkie: Oh, we drew with Rossglass NIL ALL. At least they didn't score.
Dazza: They did, but someone pushed our keeper over first so it didn't count. At least the ref got that right.

Dinkie: Oh well, in other games Oliverry beat Abu Omar TWO NIL and Ropa-Topia pushed Lovis over oNE NIL. No surprises there, but rather low scoring.
Dazza: Oui oui!

Dinkie: Yes, Dazza's going froggy again. She's a nice French girl, who can't say no.
Dazza: You should try fried frog leg's in onion sauce Dinkie. Yummy.

Dinkie: To our friends, Jeru FC - would you believe they drew NIL ALL with the Capitalizt Slani? No?
Dazza: Ah, my sister - what a genius. Engineering a great draw against a team which should have beaten them with a team of weirdos. Great effort by Jeru FC, and well two draws. It's good - they might not be last after all.

Dinkie: And Bettia - are kicking ass. They beat United Island Empires FIVE TWO. Actually today has been funny, a few teams just went crazy and scores lots of goals like Ariddia - SEVEN goals.
Dazza: But we weren't one of them - Bettia were and they are going OK.

Dinkie: YAP YAP! Where we talk crap.
Dazza: I want to talk about kids shows! Look on TV now, and there's none. Yes, there's bible and Koran reading shows for kids but they don't count - those are religious shows. No kids sports shows. Come on, we needs kids to take sports and be healthy and there's no TV shows to encourage this.

Dinkie: True, I want my kids to watch good TV shows. Hey, there's a cartoon on TV Dazza - for kids.
Dazza: Oh yes, just recently. My daughter Kate Dallas watched it. The main character is a sixteen year old female football player who is balancing football and work. Teenage sort of cartoon.

Dinkie: So what's the main attraction of this cartoon girl?
Dazza: Apparently she gets into trouble all the time due to her fondness for err ... doing the Dazza thing.

Dinkie: So your horny teenager with issues.
Dazza: Yeah, but my TV show is going be different. It's not cartoon.

Dinkie: Well, that's it from us and Dazza with ice on her head.
Dazza: Still hurts. Bloody glass bottle smashed on my head.

Dinkie: Glass? I thought those were banned from football stadiums these days.
Dazza: Well, at least if wasn't a flare.

Dinkie: Now, that would be nasty.
Dazza: Happened to me when I was cheerleader, the girls had to dump a bucket of ice on my head to put it out.



Group 5
Abu Omar 0 Oliverry 2
Rossglass 0 Jeruselem 0
Lovisa 0 Ropa-Topia 1

Group 6
Jeru FC 0 Capitalizt Slani 0

Group 9
Bettia 5 United Island Empires 2

Keyne Island (0) (0)
St Samuel (0) 1

The Latin Crusaders finally got there first win in the World Cup Qualifiers with a less than convincing 1-0 win over Keyne Island. Morale in the team appears low at the moment and at time Keyne Island looked the stronger of the two teams.

The first half saw little entertaiment or decent football with both teams on the defense, with Keyne Island not actually having a shot on goal until the 35th minute. But overall neither keepers had any work to do.

For the second half manager Louis Della Penzzi changed to a 3-4-3 formation and bought on Enzo Mazzeranni, his first appearance since being dropped from the side. The Latin Crusaders came close to taking the lead early on in the second half when St John played Di Sicci through, whose great effort on goal was palmed over.

Keyne Island very nearly scored when Rob White found himself through on goal in a rare attack and White took the ball round Corinthian finding himself with an open goal, only to see an amazing sliding tackle by Tyrone Rock, stealing the ball away from White.

St Samuel began to put pressure on Keyne Island with attack after attack and they finally broke the dead lock in the 74th minute. Omar Batista surged down the left wing and his cross bounced off Gavin Henshall and into the path of Leo Sensini on the edge of the box. Michael Hope steamed towards Sensini, who chipped the ball over Hope's head and then hit the ball on the volley, which swerved violently and ended flying into the top right hand corner, with nothing James Walsh could have done about it.

Keyne Island continued to hold back, despite being 1-0 down and it was only with 5 minutes to go they began to attack and push more men forward. But St Samuel held on to get there first 3 points of the contest.

Despite winning 1-0, manger Louis Della Penzzi is still receiving much negative press and morale in the Latin Crusaders camp suffering because of it. Veteran striker Dexter St John said in interview that it's now time that the fans and media in St Samuel get behind the team.

With tough games coming up against Zwangzug and Rejistania, the Latin Crusaders will need all the support they can get.

St Samuel Goalscorers

1 - Maximus Di Sicci
1 - Tyrone Rock
1 - Dexter St John
1 - Leo Sensini

Whoever she was, she looked good in orange and blue.

Lawrence slipped over by the stands as his fellow defenders argued over what to do about free kicks. "Hey," he smiled. "Long trip for you?"

"¬2 far," she smiled, her Algebraic perfect. "I'm Hurdist."

"Oh." Lawrence had never heard of the HURD. "What's your name?"

"Uh..." This seemed to be a difficult question for her to answer. "Uh...Eh...Eliza."

"Hey." He grinned winningly. "I'm Lawrence."

"Hi." She was not very conversational.

Lawrence heard a tinny whine: BOB had caught on to his absence. "Sorry, I have to go." He rolled his eyes. "Stupid coach. Maybe I'll see you in Rejistania?"

"∨ u cud hack him."

Lawrence brightened. "How would I do that?"

"I'll help u." She skittishly rounded the stands until, directly behind the Zwangzug bench, she leaped down and immediately began probing BOB's mainframe. A few deft movements later, and it was silenced.

"How'd you do that?" Lawrence pleaded.

But with a wink, she had disappeared into a crowd of Rejistanian fans.

There was, therefore, no criticism of his distracted play. It helped, of course, that the Junis-Omeh'he'ny rarely got any attacking chances. Eddie was at his best in shutting down some of the ones they did get: playing the legendary Rejistania fired him up. (Timothy, on the other hand, left the game four minutes into play to focus on an unsuccessful venture to repair BOB.) Phillip scored in the first half, Yul in the second.

But the well-played game was not, of course, what lingered in Lawrence's mind afterwards.

Inside the training facilities at Capri, a few of the Marauders are chatting after a hard day of practice.

"Hey Kiso, how's it going little buddy?" Rick said as he strolled in.

"Not much, just got off the phone with my dad. The bugger has those stinking Assegains actually doing well. They just pulled off two major upsets over the Monks and Holy Empire."

"You call that an upset? Pffft man, we beat both of them last tournament with ease. Besides, aren't the Holy Empire on the bottom of their group?"

"Yeah, but still, they are a dangerous squad. And with Assegai's recent history, they can take anything they can get."

As the entire lockeroom bursts out with laughter, Daymon St. John, Kiso's great uncle, came in. Wearing his vintage Marauder jersey, back when the squad first entered the Cup, of which he was a member of, he came over to Rick, Kiso, and Nikali.

"Hey you guys. I was called by Soler, he said he had some news for me. ANy of you lot know where he is?"

"Yeah, he said he was headed over to Snape's Pizzalicious Parlor after practice. He also mentioned that if you were to come by, to let you know that the matter had been taken care of."

"In that case, I'll see you back at your flatt. I'll grab you something on my way there, so don't worry about getting food. By the way, whatever happened to that Nessa girl you were dating?"

Kiso's cheeks turned a bright cheery red and shooed his uncle out of the facilities, and he rushed to change and get back to his flatt to see what his uncle was up to this time...

Wyld Stallyns
WORLD CUP 35 SHOW

Ted: I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan

Bill: And I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire

Together: And We're Wyld Stallyns!!

Ted: Wwlcome back to the WORLD CUP 35 SHOW

Bill: Excellent. Our scheduled guest Ludvig van Beethoven is here and will join us in a moment

Ted: A 2-2 draw with Bostopia. Goals were scored by Lonnie Dejohn in the 26th minute and by Kelly Furfaro in the 58th.

Bill: Yeah a bummer, we lead 2-0 but two goals by Aleksander Cripps in the 67th and 74th minutes tied it up.

Ludvig: ich muß mal auf die Toilette!

Ted: Um, ok. No idea what you're saying.

Ludvig: Ich muß mal auf die Toilette!! <dances a bit>

Bill: The bathroom?

Ludvig: Ja, bitte!

Ted: Oh down the hall to the right.

<Ludvig runs down the hall>

Bill: Must have eaten too many burritos.

Ted: True, and now we've run out of time for today's show.

Bill: Up next is a home game against Quakmybush. Tough team to beat, but they've struggled a bit so maybe we can upset them.

Ted: Well that's all for now, on our next show, Sigmund Freud! He threatened to sue if we didn't put him on, what a dweeb.

Bill: So Be Excellent to each other Sativaville, Wyld Stallyns Out!

World Cup Qualifying – MD3

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais : Unknown Suburbia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/unknown_suburbia.png
4:2 (2:1)


Match Report:

Manaan Park, Lancaster, Acapais – Acapais’s win streak was extended last night on the third match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 35. Unknown Suburbia played a decent match, but in the end, the day was for Acapais. The match ended in a 4-2 victory for the home side on Friday night and the new Manager for Acapais, Yomi Elixer, is undefeated after three games.

Another superb performance by winger Oscar Van Savage proved today he is the fan favorite. Van Savage was involved in every Acapais goal somehow and was deemed Man of the Match. An early free kick from the left footed Van Savage found the head of striker Ricardo Jose for the first goal of the match. Unknown Suburbia equalized eleven minutes later because of a judgment error by backup goalkeeper LeGrand. Van Savage then scored his own header goal by diving from a Salazar cross. Unknown Suburbia’s free kick late in the first half hit the crossbar.

Early in the second half a very clever back heel by Van Savage came to the feet of Alex McKellar who put in a low cross in front of the 6 yard box. Salazar was on the end of it which doubled Acapais lead. Unknown Suburbia came back within one 71 minutes in with a delightful corner kick, but Van Savage was at it again and his layoff to Duke found the back of the net from 25 yards out.

The win puts Acapais in first place in group 8 just three points in front of Turori after their big victory against The Islands of Qutar. Acapais will visit Squornshelous on MD4.

Scoring:
Acapais – Jose (Van Savage) 12
Unknown Suburbia – ??? 23
Acapais – Van Savage (Salazar) 37
Acapais – Salazar (McKellar) 55
Unknown Suburbia – ??? 71
Acapais – Duke (Van Savage) 88

Booking:
Acapais – Nandy (Caution; reckless foul) 43
Unknown Suburbia – ??? (Caution; reckless foul) 61
Acapais – Murphy (Caution; reckless foul) 76

Acapais Starting Lineup:
22 - Edward LeGrand (GK)
2 - Shane Murphy (C)
3 - Nick McKellar
6 - Jeremy Davis (13 - Robert Hernandez) 84
10 - Shaurabh Nandy
15 - Graham Atwater (4 - Craig Robicheaux) 61
5 - Salvador Salazar
7 - Dom'onic Duke
8 - Alex McKellar
9 - Oscer Van Savage
11 - Ricardo Jose (17 - Deshawn Jones) 78

Next Match:

@ Squornshelous http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/squornshelous.png

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12690192&postcount=17)

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 35 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião
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FINALLY, THREE POINTS.. BUT IT WASN’T EASY

http://img183.imageshack.us/img183/5057/dsgsdpo3.jpg
Supporters from Cafundéu came to help the team to win

Third game for Cafundéu in this World Cup qualifiers. In the two first rounds, the team lost the games, and stayed in the bottom of the group. This game was very important, as the team needed a victory to keep confident in the competition. Playing away against the promising team of Western Afghanistan, the team had to work a lot, but could get the three points.

After a first half with many fouls, the players did their best to improve in the second half, and were able to create the goal. After that, a good defensive work secured the victory, which is very important for the country’s hopes, that is to qualify for the World Cup. Now, the team has a game at home against Patusan, and the supporters expect an easy win.

THE GAME
Both teams were motivated for the game, as they lost all their games. Western Afghanistan seemed more offensive, while Cafundéu waited for a better moment to attack. In the first minutes, few chances were seen, as most of the attacks were stopped with fouls or with a tough marking. The only interesting thing that happened was when the referee stepped on a hole and fell on the ground, hitting his mouth on the grass. But nothing serious happened with him.

After more than twenty minutes of a physical game, both teams improved their passing and the chances appeared. The hosts had one opportunity with M.R. Muhammad, who received the ball in the left wing from Ruburirin and crossed. Surprisingly, his crossing deceived the goalkeeper Júnior and the ball went over the bar, but close to the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“The game isn’t too good, the teams don’t attack, and the rrrrreferrrrree has to stop the game everrrry minute. The coaches arrrre trrrrrying to change this situation, let’s see. Now Westerrrrrn Afghanistan has the ball possession. The ball is sent to one of the Muhammads. He crrrrrosses, the ball is going into the goal... wide! Talk to any of your frrrrriends easily, with one of the new mobile phones C-11, of the Telecaf Serrrrrvices!”

But Cafundéu could reply soon, and scared the opponents with two chances that happened one after another. In the first, Heitor made an excellent pass to Tales, who, inside the area, dribbled Inu and shot to the goal, to see a save made by Fahifa. One minute after, Anormal reached the entrance of the area and shot with strength, but the ball went over the bar. Read Breno Gavião’s comments about Tales’s chance:

“Well, Cafundéu isn’t playing very well, but I think that we arrrrre slowly imprrrrroving. The ball now is with us, Barrrrrbosa passes the ball to Heitor near the arrrrrea. He has some difficulties to invade the arrrrrea... grrrrreat pass to Tales, he is inside the arrrrrea... drrrrribbles the opponent, one shot to scorrrrre... Fahifa saves! Excellent save. Tales just laments the missed chance.”

In the last minutes of the first half, the teams continued attacking, but both defenses were playing very well. Western Afghanistan had one good chance with Rushufi, but he sent the ball wide. With one minute remaining for the end of the half, Léo Mattos came running from the left wing and shot the ball to the goal. Once again, Fahifa made a good save.

http://img129.imageshack.us/img129/86/topperhislopjg4.jpg
Goalkeeper Fahifa played well, but couldn't avoid the bad result

For the second half, Alfredo Neves decided to add one offensive midfielder in the game, Assis. Khuhekhezal, predicting the opponent change, put another attacker in the team, to take advantage of the lack of defensive midfielders of Cafundéu. In the first minute, the hosts tried to explore it with Qeshelu, who received the ball in the centre of the midfield. Suddenly, Anormal appeared to take the ball, and Qeshelu got scared with the opponent and ran away, leaving the ball with Anormal.

One thing that Khuhekhezal didn’t notice was that his team lost one midfield member too, and Cafundéu was more efficient in taking advantage of that. Anormal dribbled Qeshelu (who returned to the field) and passed the ball to Heitor. The attacker just hit the ball to the area, where Renário could head it to score the first goal of the game. Read Breno Gavião:

“Cafundéu gets the ball, now it’s our time to attack. Anorrrrrmal faces Qeshelu, good drrrrrible. The ball is passed to Heitor... grrrrreat vision, the ball goes directly to the arrrrrea, Rrrrrenário is alone in the arrrrrea and heads the ball to the... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Replay is needed here! Rrrrrrrrrrenárrrrrio, number nine! Cafundéu one, Western Afghanistan zero!”

Winning the game, Cafundéu wanted more. Assis and Dário were the responsible for starting more plays, and they made a good work. Five minutes after the goal, they changed passes in the midfield. When Nukhadufil tried to take the ball, Assis passed it to Renário, who invaded the area and shot to the goal. The ball hit the post, and the goal seemed close. Western Afghanistan replied with a long range shot of Zekhesha. The ball went wide. Read Breno Gavião’s comments about Renário’s chance:

“Dário with the ball in the midfield. Come on, Cafundéu, let’s trrrrry to scorrrrre morrrrre! Assis asks for the ball, and rrrrreceives it. Dário rrrrruns to the attack, rrrrreceives the ball back, avoids the opponent and passes the ball to Assis. The midfielder has a tough marking... passes the ball to Rrrrrenárrrrrio, who shoots... the ball hits the post... oh, my God, you must have heart to watch this game! And nothing better than De Maria’s chicken hearts, simply awesome!”

The game was exciting in the second half and, to avoid being surprised, Alfredo put Nego Guerreiro to defend more, and retired the tired Renário from the game. Western Afghanistan tried to attack at all costs, but the well organized defense composed of Becão (still without two of his teeth) and Eduardo Monte made an excellent performance, and secured the result.

AFTER THE GAME
Relieved, the coach Alfredo Neves talked with the press again, this time much calmer. He said: “This is the beginning of our victories. I’m sure that we can win more five games. Maybe I’m too optimist? I don’t think so. Finally I learnt how to work with this team. I’ll continue with my style, but it’ll be adapted according to the players’ abilities.” He left the field with a smile in his face, and thanked the fans for all the support.

The attacker Renário, who scored the goal, said: “It was a physical game, so I suffered a bit. But I was able to overcome the difficulties and appeared in the right moment to score the goal. Both teams had chances to score more too.” The defender Eduardo Monte said: “We, defenders, had a good game. I have to admit that I’m surprised with Becão’s professionalism, as he played the game even without two of his teeth.”

The last player to talk was the midfielder Metir, who played only few minutes and didn’t have much opportunities to show his talent: “It’s good to return. I love to work with Alfredo Neves, he has a personal style that nobody else has. If he thinks that I can help the team, I’ll do my best for that.” Now the pressure is lower, but nothing less than a victory is expected in the game against Patusan.

http://img505.imageshack.us/img505/4250/tehko1.jpg
Tales battles for the ball

WESTERN AFGHANISTAN 0x1 CAFUNDÉU

Place: Q’an Coliseum, in Herat.
Attendance: 70,023 people (more than full capacity).
Referee: Kraig Gellar (Qazox).
MOTM: Dário (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/western_afghanistan.png WESTERN AFGHANISTAN: Fahifa, Inu, Ruburirin and Zuneh; Ena (Nukhadufil 60’), M.Z. Muhammad, Huzish (Zekhesha 45’), Qeshelu and M.R. Muhammad; Afi (M.I. Muhammad 81’) and Rushufi.
Coach: Khuhekhezal Muhammad.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Júnior, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Eduardo Monte; Anormal, Barbosa (Assis 45’) and Dário; Tales (Nego Guerreiro 70’), Heitor and Renário (Metir 74’).
Coach: Alfredo Neves.

Goals:CAF: Renário 49’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Patusan: Júnior, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Eduardo Monte; Anormal, Barbosa and Dário; Tales, Heitor and Renário.
Coach: Alfredo Neves.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Fabien Carpentier (Oliverry).

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Goalscorers after 2 games:

2- Heitor
1- Becão and Renário

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/FAWA%20Logo.jpg
Renario Saves Cafundeu, Dooms Western Afghanistan

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/WAF-Caf%202.bmp
A proud (and relieved) Anormal after the match

Even though a band of strange foreigners, later confirmed to be from Alisdair I Frosticus, was outside the gates of the Q’an Coliseum, loudly chanting “you’re in good company!” in reference both Western Afghanistan and Alisdair I Frosticus’ slim-looking qualification hopes, the Sorkh-o-siahe could not grab a win today. Outside in downtown Herat it was dready and rainy, and though the roof was closed on the Q’an, it may as well have been wide open, for how damp spirits were at the end of the match.

“We are getting our asses handed to us,” sobbed token fan representative Ali Nuluqe, who has begun to actually carry a real ancient Egyptian mummy with him to home matches. “I thought bringing King Tut here would help for good luck, but we can’t find the net! We have such a great offense, and everyone in the world knows it, and yet here we are getting shut down.”

When a passer-by (one of the Frosticans) tapped Nuluqe on the shoulder and said, “uh, you were playing Cafundeu. They’re pretty damn good,” Nuluqe furiously chucked the dead body at the man and shouted, “We should be winning! AAHHH!!!”

Nuluqe promptly collapsed on a bench and down the contents of a bottle which likely contained a contraband liquid.

Opposing side Cafundeu were relieved to pick up three points, as anything less would have left them hanging at the bottom of what most football fans are calling the Group of Death. (As things stand, Western Afghanistan are now boasting this unwelcome title.) Their 49th minute goal off of an easy header from 6 yards was all they needed for the entire nation to breathe a sigh of relief, as they may still have a chance. Western Afghanistan may not have the same opportunity, however.

THE MATCH

3rd minute: Ramat Muhammad looked to be about to give Western Afghanistan the first real opportunity of the match when Zuled Muhammad found him with room on the left flank, but his first touch was quite poor and he lost the ball out the back. Seconds later it looked as if Afi had slipped past the very pressing offside trap Cafundeu were employing at the back, but the replayed confirmed that the referee’s offside ruling was correct. Cafundeu avoided the offside trap for the rest of the match, and it seemed to benefit them.

6th minute: Anormal unleashed a cracker of a shot from 40 yards, as Cafundeu had clearly done their homework and noticed that Fahifa can often be caught unawares from long distances. However, the Mardom Yek keep plucked the ball out of the air.

7th minute: A silly tackle by Huzish gave the Monopolists a well-positioned free kick. Renario took a decent shot, but it was blocked near the far post by Inu and rolled out for a corner. Leo Mattos’ kick was a bit long, but Zuneh was idiotic enough to head it out past the end line and Cafundeu grabbed another corner straight off. This corner was even worse, however, and Western Afghanistan cleared.

20th minute: Ruburirin managed to sneak a pacy ball along the grass to find Ramat Muhammad open again. This time his control was much better, and his position had fans on their feet; it seemed Western Afghanistan might snatch the lead. He swung a cross into the far post, and it seemed to confuse keeper Junior enough that he made no play on it. The drifting ball nearly fell into the goal. Unluckily, however, it just went over.

25th minute: A well organized counterattack from Cafundeu frightened fans at the Q’an. Heitor found a great deal of room up the right, as Zuneh was apparently out to lunch. His clever pass found Tales at the top of the area, and the latter’s nifty footwork got him free of Inu. Tales slammed a scorcher towards the top far corner, but Fahifa made a superb save.

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/WAF-Caf%204.bmp
Tales' wicked 25th minute shot

26th minute: A truly stupid tackle from behind on Barbosa earned Inu the first yellow card of the game. The position at first looked like it would be good enough for Heitor to take a shot, but instead he dummied the ball off to Anormal. Anormal’s smart first touch got him space at the top of the area, but his blast soared over the bar.

44th minute: Western Afghanistan won a corner of their own, and though Zuled Muhammad’s initial ball in was cleared out, the Sorkh-o-siahe managed to retain some pressure. A very nice cross by Amir Ena found Rushufi wide open at the far left post, and his header beat both Junior and the far post. This would prove to be Western Afghanistan’s best chance of the game.

Half time did not seem to bring any fresh intensity to the West Afghan attack. By contrast, the Monopolists came flying out of the locker room with new intensity. They were generating chances immediately.

47h minute: Anormal’s dominant presence in the midfield continued to win him a lot of space. After a scary collision with the giant, Qeshelu had to take a few minutes off the field. Ena had a furious debate with Qazoxian referee Kraig Gellar over Anormal’s role in the collision. Though he was lobbying for a yellow card for Cafundeu, he ended up earning one himself.

49th minute: Anormal once again found room to run in the middle of the pitch. Tales used a nifty dummy on Anormal’s pass to give Heitor some room. Seeing his Monopolist teammate Renario running onto the near post, he swung in an absolutely gorgeous lob that Renario had no trouble burying past Fahifa. Western Afghanistan’s hopes of victory were immediately dashed as Cafundeu took a one nil lead.

70th minute: Heitor’s smart awareness of Inu found him room, and he looked to have the offside trap beat. An atrocious offside call brought the ball back, however, and Gellar later apologized to Cafundeu for what the replay showed was a clearly onside Heitor.

73rd minute: Substitute Nego Guerreiro, who entered the game for Tales in the 70th minute, made a boneheaded play at the back that gave Qeshelu a chance for a volley from 9 yards out. However, he skied the ball over the bar and landed awkwardly on top of a sliding Becão, and had to take a few more moments on the sidelines.

83rd minute: Rushufi used an unbelievable back-heel flick-up to find Muhammad Izi Muhammad tearing down the pitch. The Bettian-born West Afghan international managed to evade Leo Mattos to get a shot on goal, but Junior’s reflexes were world-class, and a quick left foot saved the equalizer.

85th minute: A frustrated Qeshelu continued to see opportunities but also continued to miss them. His first touch from an Afi pass was remarkably good, but instead of evading a well-positioned Becão, he flopped to the ground just inside the top of the area. Gellar was wholly unimpressed, and booked Qeshelu for diving.

87th minute: In an unnervingly similar play, Nine Columns mid Zuled Muhammad found some space on the right and drove in along the baseline, looking to find a left-footed chip to equalize. However, when he felt Leo Mattos coming from behind him he “fell” forward, and Gellar raised another yellow card for diving.

The match ended after six minutes (mostly due to the time the trainers spent looking at Qeshelu), with the 49th minute goal as the only object of note on the scoreboard. Western Afghanistan’s hopes for World Cup qualification may now be gone for good.

Western Afghanistan 0-1 Cafundeu

Venue: Q’an Coliseum (Herat, Western Afghanistan)
Attendance: 70,023
Referee: Kraig Gellar (Qazox)
MOTM: Dario (Cafundeu)

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/Western%20Afghanistan%20BoF.bmp Western Afghanistan: Fahifa; Inu, Ruburirin, and Zuneh; Ena (Nukhadufil ‘68), M.Z. Muhammad, Huzish (Zekhesha ’45), Qeshelu, and M.R. Muhammad, Afi (M.I. Muhammad ’81) and Rushufi

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/cafundeu.bmp Cafundeu: Junior; Leo Mattos, Kirs, Becão, and Eduardo Monte; Anormal, Barbosa (Assis ’45), and Dario; Tales (Nego Guerreiro ‘70), Heitor, and Renario (Metir ’74)

Goals:
WAF: none
CAF: Renario ‘49

Next Match:
Az-cz - Western Afghanistan
The Cemetery; Es-Ef, Az-cz
Lineup: Fahifa; Inu, Ruburirin, and Zuneh; Ena, M.Z Muhammad, Huzish, Hirir, and M.R. Muhammad; Afi and Rushufi
Referee: Greg Tuy (Quakmybush)

Khuhekhezal Muhammad, speaking with the press after the Cafundeu loss, discussed the upcoming match against Az-cz:

“What’s there to talk about? We’ve got Az-cz next. It’s an away game. They are ranked third in the world. This will be an unbelievably challenging game. But we have to try to get a result.

“I’m sorry, but I’m really not in the mood to talk. Hirir has served his red card suspension, and because Qeshelu took a bit of a beating tonight Uzib will be back in the starting eleven. Nukhadufil may see some time as a substitute, like he did tonight, but he’s not ready to start again yet. That’s all I have to say.”

MD OPPONENT RESULT
1 at Patusan L, 2-3
2 FMJPHOENIX L, 0-1
3 CAFUNDEU L, 0-1
4 at Az-cz
5 at Swilatia
F at Capitalizt SLANI
6 PATUSAN
7 at Fmjphoenix
8 at Cafundeu
9 AZ-CZ
10 SWILATIA

Western Afghanistan’s World Cup Qualifying Goalscorers
Ruburirin 1
Rushufi 1

http://img183.imageshack.us/img183/2180/femva6.jpg
Cecília (with the ball) showing her skills

BE CALM NEWSPAPER - PLAYER OF THE DAY
EDITION 3: DOCTOR CECÍLIA BATISTA (#2)

Estresse Intenso's team got another victory today. Playing at home, in front of... no supporters, the doctors could easily destroy the Clesmire National Team with a result of 4x1, and now they are in the second place in the group, just behind Assegai Developments. The doctors are playing much better than the patients, and maybe can qualify.

Now to our player of the day, this time a woman. Cecília Batista is the right defender of the team. Still young and unexperienced with the medicine world, she won the respect of the older doctors for her kindness and determination. She likes to stay with her patients, and gives attention to other doctors. She is viewed as a promising doctor.

Cecília was born in Juriticaba, in the Island state. Her mother became crazy and went to the Landau Institute, and her father died in the Battle of the Lapa Bridge, a fight between two rival gangs in the bridge of Lapa. After losing her father, she decided to go to Landau Institute to stay close of her mother.

Professor Márcio Bechara, vice-president of the Landau Institute, took Cecília as his apprentice. At the same time, she started studying in the Institute. She was 14 years old. She became a doctor last year, and decided to work as a Hematologist, working with other doctors of many other areas. She is a nice person, intelligent and beautiful, but sometimes selfish.

She thinks that she can have whatever she wants, and has many tricks to get these things. As a football player, she is extremely fast and ferocious, good at tacking and passing. She concentrates in the game and doesn't talk to the other players.

Total Football
The Islands of Qutar's favourite sports magazine
02/03/2041

The Islands of Qutar sending squad to
World Cup 35

The Qutari FA today annouced that despite a continuing deadlock with the honoured members of the Premiership League Association of Managers they would still send a team to the upcoming World Cup. As everyone remembers the P.L.A.M. sent shockwaves through the football community in refusing to release thier players for international matches, and although many players came forward in defiance of thier managers the fines that were given put a quick stop to that option. Despite the Qutari FA's best efforts to offer a deal, the P.L.A.M refused to give an inch and due to the sudden onset of the problem the Qutari application for World Cup 34 was past the deadline and for the first time in 32 years there was no Qutari presence on the international stage.

With the Qutari FA determined to send a squad this time around, a meeting earlier this week took place to decide what best to do. The result of this meeting was the decision to take players from the lower divisions as part of the squad as the P.L.A.M. has no control or influence over the lower leagues. In a surprise twist Philip Davies has come forward to take to job of manager only a few months ago Davies proclaimed he'd "Washed his hands of this dirty mess". in the press conference call by the Qutari FA when asked about his earlier statement Davies said that "At the point he was fed up with the situation as a whole and was horrified at the state of Qutari Football, but now I have a team of course I want to take Qutar back to the international stage and stick it to the greedy managers in the Premier League. Davies already well known for his comments about his former collegues in the Premier League carryied on to call fans and players to take control of thier clubs back from the greedy and vain.

Page 1

Total Football
The Islands of Qutar's favourite sports magazine
02/03/2041

The Islands of Qutar National Squad

Starting Eleven

Ben Foster
test
John Campbell
Richard Cruise
Jeremy Stark
Richard Watt
test
Stephen Kojak
Greg Richards
Trevor Simmonds
Krieg Kennedy
test
David Alston
Richard Cartwright


Substitutes

Neil Kelly
Colin Watson
Patrick Thompson
Andrew Harrison
Sean Thomas
Guthrie Freeman
Alexander Cook
Jason Bailey


Page 2

Total Football
The Islands of Qutar's favourite sports magazine
02/03/2041

The Islands of Qutar National Squad
Player Profiles




Ben Foster
A very experienced keeper from the lower leagues, captained Cërë Phoenixes to the final of the QFA Cup and was denied the lifting the trophy by a suspect penalty decision. A competent keeper and a strong leader expect the defenders to get a earful if they slack up.

Position: Goalkeeper
Age: 29
Club: Cërë Phoenixes


John Campbell
A one man wall, although not quick on his feet not many players can get past the giant that is Mr. John Campbell. Unfortuanatly his style of defence can lead to more yellow cards than normal though he rarely gets sent off. Surely to be a strong presence in the back four.

Position: Defender
Age: 23
Club: Fratton F.C.

Richard Cruise
A former Premiership player who left his club at the end of his contract in disgust at the control manager's had over the players, the only one in the squad with previous expierience at the international level. A fan favourite but his form of late has people questioning his starten eleven status.

Position: Defender
Age: 26
Club: Tyndall Athletic

Jeremy Stark
A man who proves that defenders can have flair, his inspired runs down the pitch have given his team some very valuable goals. Unfortunalty his brilliance is also his downfall, his runs can leave the defence vulnerable and open to attack. Against stiff competition in the World Cup his style may weaken the team as a whole.

Position: Defender
Age: 23
Club: Embley Park

Richard Watt
The oldest player on the team and has played under Davies at club level and is used to his style, and solid defender and can move up the wing to support and attack but can track back quickly when needed so his absence is not noticed. Will work well as captain leading from the back and can expect respect from the rest of team.

Position: Defender
Age: 29
Club: Cërë Phoenixes

Stephen Kojak
A swift man on the wing can leave defenders and midfielder's in his dust, unfortuanatly can burn himself out and is a might unpredictable. When on form he can be a force to be reckoned with, however when off form can be more of a hindrance than a help.

Position: Midfielder
Age: 22
Club: Fratton F.C.

Greg Richards
An experienced man in the middle and should perform well with his teammate Simmonds, and defensive midfielder who should be able to cover the midfield when the team pushes up. A safe choice from Davies and should add some stabilty to the team in its infancy.

Position: Midfielder
Age: 27
Club: Cërë Phoenixes

Trevor Simmonds
A solid man in midfield and shows Davies' intentions for this world cup, as Simmonds generally plays a defending midfielder and along with Greg Richards should from a solid defensive core in the midfield. Can set up opportunities and can see ahead and deliver a crucial pass when needed.

Position: Midfielder
Age: 24
Club: Cërë Phoenixes

Krieg Kennedy
An important player in the squad Kennedy can turn a game on its head with a clever run and a pinpoint perfect cross, should be able to hold his own on the international stage. His only downfall is his passion can overide his common sense which can lead to show downs with the referee and the referee is generally the winner. If he can keep his passion in check he should prove a key player.

Position: Midfielder
Age: 29
Club: Portchester Town

David Alston
If you haven't heard of this man you must have been out the of country for the past three months and cut off from all media. The man who has quit his Premiership club and is sueing the P.L.A.M. for damages and is seeking a criminal case against the P.L.A.M. for restricting the freedom's of players in Qutar's top league. In addition to being the man thousands are rallying behind he's a top class forward and should support Cartwright well as well as getting a few goals himself.

Position: Forward
Age: 21
Club: None

Richard Cartwright
A bright young talent who's spend most of his career in Nebuleux, but don't doubt his passion and dedication to The Islands of Qutar apparently when he got the phone call telling of his place in the national team he went running around the neighbourhood whooping loudly, unfortunately he'd just got out the shower to answer to call. Watch out for this player he could very well show himself as the next Ali or Armaos.

Position: Forward
Age: 20
Club: Richerenches




Page 3

The Daily Quak
Well, That's A Bit Better

After a horrible starting to the World Cup Qualifying, Quakmybush looked to right the ship while taking on lowly Daughtry. The Sharks were ready to play, they came out like they had a fire lit under them. Early in the first half, Jon Fields streaked down the left wing and fired the ball on the run, the ball curved in to make it 1-0 Quakmybush. Daughtry then came back quickly when Bob Hughes took out an opponents ankles and Daughtry was awarded a free kick from just outside the box. The Daughtry set pieces specialist made no mistake and picked the corner, making it a 1-1 score. That was the score going into half time. However, the Sharks could have and probably should have a lead, and a big one. The Sharks were ready to play in the second half the ball came rolling back to Jorge Valez, he stepped into the ball and it found its way into the net, making it 2-1 Quakmybush. The Sharks added to their lead in the 67th minute when Jon Fields received a pass from Andrew Plett and found himself one on one with the keeper, he stepped over the ball and the goalie reacted by coming towards the ball. Fields chipped the ball over the keepers head making it a 3-1 Quakmybush. Late in the game the Sharks added one more for goal differential padding when Chris Bricking wired one from just outside the box. That made it a 4-1 game and that is how it ended.

Quakmybush 4
Fields 8' 67' Valez 55' Bricking 85'

Daughtry 1
Player 1 34'

Kiryu-shi Wins Match; Reporter Hospitalized

By Michio Hibbert

Sakaino, Kiryu-shi Kiryu-shi's two nil shutout over formerly first place Delesa was impressive, but details of the match are still hazy, as I collapsed within the first few minutes of the game. Although I remained seated, and people may have assumed that I was sleeping, in reality, I had passed out due to exhaustion and dehydration after my numerous trips following the Kiryu-shi football team on their travels as they attemt to qualify for WC 35. I was finally brought to the hostiptal a few hours after the match ended when a kind usher realized that I was still slumped over in my seat, but, I am still able to report what happened to the match. I've heard from a reliable third hand account that the goal scorers for Kiryu-shi were Isaac Levi and Garret McGee. Although I will not make the trip to Qazox, it is because of my hospitalization, and has nothing to do with the creepy events that are taking place in the thankfully distant country. Nevertheless, I will write another insightfull, brilliant piece of journalism for the masses of Kiryu-shi, using extensive analysis of the match that I will gather using Tivo. I thank you in advance for the flowers and cards that you will no doubt send to my office.

Amda-Mo: 3-0 over Swilatia. Zax-Im's charges are looking good.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. This is a wonderful way to start a cup.

Amda-Mo: We even broke through early against Swilatia.

Lur-Mn: They seemed to have out thought themselves. They were playing to conserve energy so they weren't chasing our players much. Which allowed Kn-Dg to get his connection with Pizelkaxrovsky going and they put in two early goals. The ironic part is that by the end Swilatia was gassed anyways allowing Shockey to sneak forward for goal number three.

Amda-Mo: Let's talk about Shockey. Up to this point he's almost been our best player.

Lur-Mn: Almost is correct. He still isn't Pizelkaxrovsky but he's been playing quite well. He's been the key to our defense only allowing one goal. Gn-Lg has been barely tested so far this cup.

Amda-Mo: So things are going well now. How about heading forward to Western Afghanistan?

Lur-Mn: Well based on results things are struggling for them and they shouldn't be a threat. But if you've been watching their games they've got a great fighting spirit. They're a new member of Atlantian Oceania, so they're probably headed for big things. It will be a closer match than you might expect.

Amda-Mo: Any things we should take note of?

Lur-Mn: Well they've got some talent but their local media thinks their 3-5-2 formation isn't the best. So we might see some changes there.

Amda-Mo: How about other groups?

Lur-Mn: Well we'll leave the top teams for later and concentrate on the disappointments. Alasdair I Frosticus is struggling majorly, losing 2-0 to Veitau leaving the with just a point from three matches. And Schiavonia's great run of qualifier form is clearly over as they sit on just two points following their upset loss to Baptism of Fire champs Kuosio. Maybe that means they'll have good luck in the proper, if they can get there.

Amda-Mo: That is strange. Both of those squads have much higher expectations then what we've seen so far.

Lur-Mn: True. This cup is quite jumbled up at this point. The lack of dregs at the bottom seems to be hurting the top teams.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. Now let's get to our first half-dozen, the top six teams.

Lur-Mn: Seeing as how there are six perfect teams left choosing the top six is rather easy.

6. Oliverry
And Oliverry is the last of the six. That doesn't mean they've played poorly. Just the least impressive. But thee straight wins is still good.

5. Sel Appa

After two impressive performances they struggled with Willink. Still they're look good and have to be incredibly excited to have three straight wins to start these short qualifiers.

4. Bettia

Bettia is pushing hard to affirm Il-Lur's prediction that they'd win it all. Admittedly all of their wins have been at home, but they've been just cruising.

3. Acapais

In terms of goal differential they're not that impressive. But all three of their wins have been quite nice. They're definitely the big suprise on the list where all the other teams have competed in at least the last two cups.

2. Az-cz

There was some strong consideration of bumping us up to the top spot. We've beaten our top three opponents, with all of the matches away from Az-cz. And we've looked mostly in control. So there's a lot of reason to think we've been top. But while we've looked good, the team ahead of us has looked dominant.

1. Elves Security Forces

Once again the Elves throttled their opponent. They smothered the Ulzaxid seven striker attack and blitzed them all over the pitch. Their goal differential of plus nine is tops of all teams, tied with Atheistic Right, and unlike AR they've been dominant against all three teams. So far the Elves are totally rolling.

Amda-Mo: Ok. Let's get to our second list. Tonight we'll look at the teams who have done the best without making the cup proper.

Lur-Mn: Here we go:

6. Turruth Gordur

Turruth Gordur has been close a number of times. However there is a fair current of displeasure with the team due to their fans unruliness in such events as the riots in Casari.

5. Acapais

Currently the best positioned of the teams without a cup they look like they've got a real chance this cup. They don't have the history of some of the other teams, but are a strong up and coming side.

4. Kiryu-shi

The only Baptism of Fire champion on this list. They made their debut last cup winning the Baptism of Fire and finishing second in the Cup of Harmony. They are definitely a strong squad on their way up.

3. Fort Europe

They've come disappointingly close a couple of times. They seem to have slipped back this cup, but we've seen plenty of talent from them so don't count out them joining a cup soon.

2. Bostopia

Bostopia is the defending Cup of Harmony champions. They hope to follow in Zwangzug's footsteps and use that as a springboard to the cup proper. As they showed in WC33 by beating eventual champions Bettia they can beat anyone on their best days.

1. Ropa-Topia

Another -opia Ropa-Topia is just an incredibly hard luck case. Having gone out in the playoffs the last two cups and coming brutally close a number of times before that Ropa-Topia just seems cursed. It's hard to imagine a team coming as close as they have as many times as they have and not being able to break through.

Amda-Mo: Interesting list. While it sucked for Ropa-Topia we were very glad to slip past them last cup.

Lur-Mn: Indeed we were. Maybe this will be there year.

Amda-Mo: Well we'll find out more after MD4. See you all then. Good night.

Total Football
The Islands of Qutar's favourite sports magazine
02/03/2041

The Islands of Qutar National Squad
Fixture List




17/03/2041 - The Islands of Qutar vs. Squornshelous


05/04/2041 - Acapais vs. The Islands of Qutar


29/04/2041 - Turori vs. The Islands of Qutar


08/05/2041 - Cravan vs. The Islands of Qutar


23/05/2041 - The Islands of Qutar vs. Unknown Suburbia


15/08/2041 - Squornshelous vs. The Islands of Qutar


09/09/2041 - The Islands of Qutar vs. Acapais


27/09/2041 - The Islands of Qutar vs. Turori


03/10/2041 - The Islands of Qutar vs. Cravan


19/10/2041 - Unknown Suburbia vs. The Islands of Qutar



Page 4

Total Football
The Islands of Qutar's favourite sports magazine
18/03/2041

The Islands of Qutar hold the Pschychoes



Last night in the Stadium of Light there may not have been any goals but there was plenty of excitment to be had. Our first game against the group favourite, and the team showed worthy of wearing the blue and white. The game got off to a lively start with Squornshelous coming out strong as expected and Vilho almost got Squornshelous off the mark in the first five minutes with a well placed header but for the quick reactions from Foster. The Islands of Qutar then took the game to Squornshelous leading to a battle of the midfield with never side really getting any edge over the other, apart from a long shot by Alston and a nice run by Jalmari neither goal was really tested.

The second half didn't dissapoint after a quiet first half within minutes of the start Cartwright appeared to be brought down in the box by Jonsson. The referee didn't award what at least half the crowd thought was a clear cut penalty, however the replays later showed that referee had made the right choice but from his position he should have given the benefit of the doubt. In the protests Kennedy managed to get himself booked. After this incident the game really hit off with both sides pressing hard, with both side coming close Latvala hitting the post from a long shot at around the 55 minute mark and Cartwright with a shot just wide at around the 60 minute mark. Hearts were in the Qutari's mouths near the end as Hermanni got past Cruise and was one-on-one with Foster but the goalkeeper made himself big and smothered the ball. When the final whistle blew both teams looked disappointed with the result and it certainly didn't show the match that happened.


The Islands of Qutar [0] - [0] Squornshelous

Attendance - 78,200



Page 1

Matchday 4 RP Cutoff

..:: BazaClans World Cup 35 Matchday 4 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12728481&postcount=4) ::..

Dinkie Dosha and Dazza Dallas with a beret on

Dinkie: Hi, I'm Dinkie. This is THE FOOTBALL LIFE or what people call the bimbo show
Dazza: Hi I'm Betty. (smiles, waves)

Dinkie: You know who this is, and Beret is to hide a scar from the last game where Betty got clonked on the head with a glass bottle from the crowd
Dazza: No brain damage, no brains to damage (smiles)

Dinkie: Back to the football. Jeruselem played Lovisa, the veterans who have been around a long time and respect them but we aren't going to do them favours. Anyway, we won and the referee was actually doing this work for once.
Dazza: Yes, we won but it wasn't the prettiest win - but we got the win in the end although it should have been more. Our new formation isn't quite working yet, but at least we are getting results. I have to work on the strikers working better together, hey there Dinkie!

Dinkie: Err, yes. We have a few issues to sort out.
Dazza: Good, because we play Oliverry next. I love the French!

Dinkie: Yes, Oliverry played Rossglass. Rossglass got lucky when we played them because the ref was so nice to them. Err, well they got a different ref ...
Dazza: Yeah, the one we wanted! But Oliverry had great time - putting 8 goals past that team. Yes eight goals. See, the Frenchies don't surrender!

Dinkie: Yes, scary - we play them next.
Dazza: Hey Dinkie, if you're scared you're gonna lose. Don't be scared, play to win! Kick ass, not hide.

Dinkie: Ropa-Topia which is no relation to Az-cz won again, against Abu Omar.
Dazza: A comfy THREE ONE win and thet are back in the driving seat with monkeys at the back throwing bananas at them (smiles). The group! Oliverry lead Jeruselem with Ropa-Topia 3rd and the others in disarray.

Dinkie: Jeru FC and it's defense, err what defense ...
Dazza: Turruth Gordur took them on and turfed them out. Jeru FC were destroyed SEVEN NIL. Poor Jeru FC! But my sis did say - this kind of loss was expected.

Dinkie: Bettia won another game, TWO ONE against Daughrty.
Dazza: Sounds like a bad spelling of daughter. But Bettia is loved by many including me - Betty.

Dinkie: Dazza calls herself Betty when she wears a beret. Some kind of mind control.
Dazza: Oui! French girls are best in the world.

Dinkie: Err, trashing of the day - Cafundeu beat Patusan, NINE NIL. Yes, NINE goals.
Dazza: Hey Dinkie, when do we get one of those?

Dinkie: Err, don't know.
Dazza: We need one of those wins, maybe next time we play Rossglass.

Dinkie: YAP YAP, what the goss today?
Dazza: Our next game. It's a big one - one we need to win. Our defenses have been solid but we need more striking power to work. Oliverry did knock us out of the last cup but it's time we fought back. It's time Jeruselem got back to it's old self in World Cup 32. A draw is not acceptable - we need a win.

Dinkie: Well, we aren't scoring enough.
Dazza: Yes, we aren't. Betty the coach wants more goals, like four or five because it's not enough to score just two or three against the Frenchies. So, Dinkie you ready for the all French episode?

Dinkie: Non ...
Dazza: She's been working hard but not quite ready yet with her French. That's it, don't miss the all French football life when we play Oliverry. I'm Betty and ON YA BIKE as Dazza says.


Group 5
Oliverry 8 Rossglass 0
Ropa-Topia 3 Abu Omar 1
Lovisa 0 Jeruselem 2

Group 6
Turruth Gordur 7 Jeru FC 0

Group 9
Bettia 2 Daughrty 1

Group 2
Cafundeu 9 Patusan 0

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/jaredcohenia.png Jaredcohenia 0-0 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

Ariddians thwarted by stubborn defence

The away match against Jaredcohenia was predicted to be an easy win; proof indeed that you’ve never won a match until it’s over. The Jaredcohenians had lost every single one of their games so far, so their encounter with the defending World Cup champions was supposed to be a complete walkover. Correct?

Wrong. Faced with the Ariddians’ heavily attacking style and reputation for trying to draw (metaphorical) blood in the opening minutes, the Jaredcohenian coach had apparently given clear instructions to his team. The aim was not to win, as that would have been implausible. The aim, instead, was not to lose.

Thus, the Rouge-et-Noirs came up against a formation they had little experience in handling. Eight of their opponents seemed to be positioned firmly in almost permanent defence, never straying from their half of the field. “Two of their defenders stayed so close to the goalcage the whole way through, it was like facing three goalkeepers,” Ariddian forward Lucas Arbustier later complained.

The match turned out to be an extremely uneventful one for Ariddian goalie Cassie Lee, as she had to cope with only one shot on goal throughout the entire game – and not a particularly well-aimed one at that. Ariddia’s four midfielders pressed forward in attack, but to no avail. The Jaredcohenian defence was clamped firmly shut. A single Ariddian goal, by Richard James, was (correctly) disallowed due to (somehow) an offside.

“They had their tactics, and they achieved what they wanted to achieve,” Ariddian captain Myo Thet Myint commented. “It was very frustrating for us, but it was all legit. I’m just sorry they felt they had to use these tactics against us.”

“I don’t call this football,” was coach Yves al Jahdali’s only comment as he left the field, looking thoroughly annoyed. While the Jaredcohenians had obtained a precious point through their unorthodox methods, the Ariddians had been unable to grab what should have been an easy victory.

“I was mostly standing around for ninety minutes,” Ke Sho said. “I felt rather useless. It was a challenge, but not the kind we’d been hoping for, to be honest.”

[ooc minor whinge - while I realise I've been offline for a couple of days, I'd like to think that, if I am going to go to the trouble of posting a match report or RP, then the team writing an RP after me will do me the courtesy of not simply ignoring that RP. Assegai Developments, I'm looking at you.... If you look back, you'll see I'd already written a Basil and Theo post on the AIF/AD match involving three sendings off of my players that you don't seem to have noticed. This may well have been accidental on your part, but do please try to check.]

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

DISASTROUS CAMPAIGN REACHES NEW LOW
HEFA HQ Under Siege From Disgruntled Fans

By Anna Comneno

Notwithstanding last night's 2-0 victory over group cellar-dwellers Clesmire, the Holy Empire's qualification campaign threatened to reach a new low following consecutive 2-0 home losses to mid-ranked Assegai Developments and low-ranked outsiders Veitau. Disgruntled fans were camped outside HEFA headquarters last night demanding the resignation of controversial coach Professor Theodore Von Madscientisto, and the replacement of the squad with real footballers - preferably the successful WC34 squad - or at least the replacement of An Egg with a real goalkeeper. The sight of Veitau's forward elephant crushing An Egg's delicate shell under his mighty paw was said to be the last straw for Holy Empire fans distraught at the spectacle of a top-ten team struggling to rise above the pathetic Clesmire squad in a battle for last place.

"Assegai Developments were right" said one fan, "we ARE taking the opposition for granted. We seem to think that just because we're in the top ten we have some sort of automatic right to qualify for the World Cup. What a load of tosh. We have to try if we're going to rise above teams like the Riskbreakers. Maybe they're just hungrier than we are these days."

Professor Vonmadscientisto refused to comment, merely releasing a memo - curiously apparently written in a thick German accent - stating that "I believe that ve vill find that all is going according to plan. Ve must lull the opposition into the false sense of security first, nein?"

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MONKS THANK GOD FOR HUMBLING LOSS, DRAW
MFA Grudgingly Admits Respect Shown by Visiting Riskbreakers 'Admirable'

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe


Monks across the Archregimancy were today praising and thanking God for two consecutive difficult matches, a 2-1 loss to Assegai Developments and a 0-0 draw against surprise squad Veitau. "This looks like being a difficult, humililating and turbulent campaign" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity "and, realistically, we couldn't ask for anything more soul-strengthening and purifying."

Stories are rife of Archregimancy monks punishing themselves for the sin of pride by forcing themselves to watch Archregimancy qualifying matches, thanking the Lord for the humility-inducing experience of watching international-quality players failing to score against a tree, and being technically outclassed by an elephant. "Prior to World Cup 35, this particular unworthy worm of a monkwretch would punish himself for his sinful state by eating nothing but grass" said Fr. Gennadius the Grazer "but now I realise watching the Archregimancy play is just as effective a form of metaphorical self-flagellation".

Meanwhile, Monastic Football Association officials grudgingly admitted that the respectful attitude shown by Assegai Development players following the Riskbreaker's 2-1 win at the Dreamed Stadium was 'admirable', but that they hoped that other squads would fail to be as respectful as 'it would give us nothing to complain about'.

The HURDist laughed when she saw the attempts to reactivate Bob. She of course was not a Rejistani fan but a Libereco activist. when Bob would boot up, he would deliver a speech about why software should be free and not proprietary. She took her mobile phone, eventually found a network and called home: "Richie? This is Linusino. the penguin has reached the shore. ... Oh, and make sure you have some instant paella when I return, I am severely junkfood-deprived." She hung up.

Amda-Mo: A third shutout in four matches as we win again 2-0.

Lur-Mn: Wow. Shockey is absolutely taking control of these qualifiers. Once again smothering the opponents attack.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. We've now allowed a measly one goal in four matches.

Lur-Mn: Well the team just isn't allowing people to get through the midfield. We're just dominating possession and Gn-Lg is barely being tested. He only faced four shots on the day.

Amda-Mo: How about the offense.

Lur-Mn: Exactly as Zax-Im called it. Grind, grind, grind, grind then boom. Ip-Gp and Hmr-Pn got in on the act in the 57th and 75th respectively.

Amda-Mo: And how about the atmosphere in The Cemetery.

Lur-Mn: Great. The fans were very happy to welcome home the team after their brilliant run away. They were great today, but really the team didn't need any extra boost to get past Western Afghanistan today. I still think they'll become a strong team, but they're still a ways from being there.

Amda-Mo: Ok. Let's take a look at our last match of the first half of qualifiers, Patusan.

Lur-Mn: Well they got absolutely crunched today, losing 9-0 to Cafundeu. As long as we stay focused we ought to be able to deal with them easily as well.

Amda-Mo: You'd have to say this is a pretty strange qualifiers.

Lur-Mn: Yeah. All sorts of top teams are struggling and then today was the day of brutalizations. Cafundeu's nine goal win, Errinundera and Oliverry winning by eight and Turruth Gordur by seven.

Amda-Mo: What else of note?

Lur-Mn: Well Rejistania bouncing back up to take down the elves and Commerce Heights losing again to sit on only two points after four matches. They're definitely not living up to their number four ranking.

Amda-Mo: Ok. Let's look at who is living up to their ranks.

Lur-Mn: Most of the teams that were undefeated coming into the day came out undefeated, but there is some order shuffling amongst the top and a team reentering the top six.

6. Geisenfried

A whacking of Fort Europe 4-1 pushed them to a nice lead at the top of the group and eight points ahead of Commerce Heights the top seed in the group. Even their draw against Turruth Gordur was against a strong team.

5. Bettia

Are they the worst of the five undefeated teams? Probably not. Have they been the least impressive up to this point? Probably. There's not much to complain about at 4-0 and +7 GD, but just slipping past Daughrty can't please the Arora faithful too much.

4. Sel Appa

Another closer than expected win, but another win. They're hardly looking world beaters at this point but they're showing a lot of poise and getting the job done. They look to have really become a class side.

3. Oliverry

Laid the pipe to Rossglass. Now have by far the greatest goal differential. But they've still got the big match against Jeruselem ahead of them. Come out of that with an impressive victory and they could well vault to the front of the list.

2. Acapais

As impressive as beating Rossglass 8-0 is, I think Acapais' performance was more impressive. Winning in Squornshelous and holding the #2 team in the world to a goal at home is a major victory. Acapais is looking to get their ticket punched early this time around.

1. Az-cz

Yes, there's some homerism involved, but we've won four including three on the road and our last group match is against the lowest ranked team in the group, who just got whipped 9-0. We've allowed a single goal in four matches and our playing like the top three team that we are. Not to mention our unusual formation which our opponents have yet to figure out. All in all the team is cruising.

Amda-Mo: I'd personally vote for Acapais just cause I've been floored by their start, but I think a choice of us is defensible, even from a non Az-czzer perspective.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. Now how about the second set of eggs?

Amda-Mo: Well tonight we're going a bit off the rails. It's my list and I'll be looking at my favorite nation names amongst the teams competing in these qualifiers.

6. Vilita

One of our good friends and a strong team there's also something nice sounding about the name Vilita. And the cut to Vil isn't bad either.

5. Kiryu-shi

The only dashed team on the list. I don't know what it means but it sounds cool. A very exotic asian feel to it. Rock on.

4. Cafundeu

It's cool enough in English, but when spoken by the Cafundese it sounds absolutely lyrical.

3. Estresse Intenso

And yet their lowly neighbors just pip them here. The name is evocative yet not quite stupid the way something like Ghost Tigers Rise is. Quite fond of that.

2. Clesmire

While their team might not be very good there name is excellent. The -ire bit at the end works well and gives than an original sounding name.

1. Turruth Gordur

The people may not be nice but the name is majestic. It sounds like the name of a knight of some sort, maybe the kind Az-cz would have fought with or against. Just a powerful name.

Lur-Mn: Interesting list.

Amda-Mo: I'd also like to give special note to Suze-la-Rousse the dumbest named team in the tournament.

Lur-Mn: HAHAHA. Fair enough.

Amda-Mo: Well join us back here next time, when we'll have a bit more serious of a list for you. Night.

St Samuel had become a second, if not a first, home to Simon Ryne. Here, he was appreciated. So who could blame him if he was a little eager to skip airport legalities to meet up with some of his Marienburg teammates?

Apparently, Andrew and Rube.

He ignored them as they tried to chew him out. Eventually, Rube directed his meaningless prattle towards the team as a whole (minus Timothy, who was attempting to reprogram a pep talk more meaningful than "thirteen undecillion, two hundred and six decillion, two hundred and seventy-eight nonillion, eight hundred and eighty-seven octillion, nine hundred and eighty-nine septillion, four hundred and fifty-seven sextillion, six hundred and fifty-one quintillion, eighteen quadrillion, eight hundred and sixty-five trillion, nine hundred and one billion, four hundred and one million, seven hundred and four thousand, six hundred and forty").

But finally, the game began. Simon Ryne's reunion with Niclas Corinthian was happy only for the forward, who scored both goals. Knowing the nuances of those he had played with and against gave him an advantage of sorts. Had he shared them, his team could perhaps have scored even more. He could, of course, do so before the St Samuel side came to Zwangzug.

But he wouldn't.

In a small flat in a city just outside Vilvek

So, #32916... As world cup qualifications continue, the question "will Swilatia finally qualify" is only becoming even harder to answer. However, I can tell you this: They must not qualify. They must continue losing matches like they did with FmjPheonix yesterday, and Az-Cz the night before. YOU must make sure that they don't qualify.

I understand this, your holiness, but why must we meddle in the affairs of a football team? Surely, their chances of qualifying are low since most of the teams are better then theirs. It was pure luck that we didn't lose to Cafundeu.

Because, #32916, there are still chances. we must make sure there are no chances, as the team qualifying will further darken this already doomed nation. Swilatia must not be represented as what the heathens have turned it into! This was once a holy, god fearing nation, but it has been stolen right from the six divines! The team is a symbol if this! They even had a friendly with a team run by the obscene god-killer Dazza Dallas!

So, okay, what am I supposed to do to though. It's not sounding like a typical Restoration Army job.

I suggest you somehow, interfere with tonight's home game against Western Afganhistan, because if you don't, Swilatia gets an easy win. How you do this is up to you. If you want this to be like a regular job, just bomb the stadium. However, i suggest you do something more original.

Alright, i'll find some effective way. So, i guess I go now, and make my way to the stadium?

Not yet, 32916. There are two things you need to remember.

And what might those be?

First off, the job does not end after tonight's match. I want you back here during the friendlies break for further instructions. Secondly, you are not James Bond. You may be in the higher levels of our... organisation, but there will be situtians which you will not be able to get yourself out of. So avoid them.

Okay then. For the Gods!

uh... try not to give yourself away.

[Firth] The goals from Cripps and Aleksander in our last game in the UIE have propelled us to second place, five points behind Bettia in first and one point ahead of Quakmybush who currently occupy the playoff position.

Of course, tomorrow’s game comes to us from the land of Bettia, where, as you know from last time, the colour red is subject to many laws against it. As such, Bostopia will be playing in their third kit, with black and white vertical stripes.

Bostopia have beaten Bettia before, a 1 – 0 win on Matchday 2 of World Cup 33, the second in Bostopia’s run of 5 games without a loss, before losing to Jeruselem 1 – 0.

Bostopia will tonight be looking to make it three away wins on the trot, with two-nil wins over Quakmybush and the United Island Empires, before a break of a few weeks where other teams will be playing friendly matches.

And now, we can cross back to our studios in Fort Boston.

To the nations of World Cup 35,

Hello. My name is Stuart_Abdul_Rahim. I am coach of the Ulzaxid football squad. And I have an announcement to make. Seeing as how we don't have names in Ulzaxid and we only use them for the sake of the foreign media we have decided to allow nations competing in World Cup 35 to name our squad for next cup, including me. Please send us suggested names as well as what position you think the name is appropriate for and why you think it is a good name. While we encourage names from national team players, your famous people from other fields or other names you can think of are also acceptable. We are looking forward to your responses. Thank you.

Stuart_Abdul_Rahim

“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian soccer weekly. I’m your co-host Troy Wallace along with Dinah Miller. Today Tynelia continued to make amends for its matchday 1, 2-1 upset loss by taking out old rivals Green Wombat 2-0 for a third straight shutout. This win vaults them into first as defending champs Arridia stumbled with a stunning 0-0 draw with Jaredcohenia. Now the big showdown looms as the top two seeds who are 1-2 in the group go head to head as the first half of the qualifiers comes to an end.”

“But this was an impressive win Troy, a third straight hutout means the defense is certainly playing well. The MacDougals provided the offense for a third straight shutout win. And Sean MacDougal did well in his first start of the qualifiers tossing a shutout. Though I have to question if it was a good idea to sit Mandy Martin just before the big match with the defending champs Troy.”

“You can look at it either way Dinah. On the one hand you want to keep your keeper fresh so starting Sean today gives Mandy extra time to rest and prepare for Arridia. But you can also argue that Mandy had a pair of shutouts leading up to this match so why sit her when she’s on a roll. Personally I think this is a bit of long term planning by Coach Masterson. Sitting Mandy early means she won’t be worn out by the end of the qualifiers when in theory the Cup proper begins. This also lets Sean get some playing time in case something happens to Mandy and he has to step in. It was a bit risky doing it against the then leading Wombats but it worked out in the end. We got the win and now are 5 points up on fourth place putting us in good position for at least getting the playoff spot.”

“But with Arridia looming Troy, a loss here puts those teams right back within a win of us as we turn the corner of the qualifiers.”

“It does Dinah but the second half schedule favors us, we only have to face the Wombats on the road, everyone else will be coming to Tynelia for their matches which should give us a strong chance of getting three wins in the four matches. Of course Arridia isn’t at top form right now so its possible we can steal a point on the road with a draw.”

“The team will certainly be fired up for that rematch. They crushed us quite convincingly in the World Cup group stage and with most of that team returning I’m sure they will be fired up for a different outcome. A win here would almost certainly all but assure us a qualifying spot barring a major meltdown in the second half. On the other hand Arridia will certainly be fired up themselves after, like us with Kristovenia they left points on the table that no one expected them to.”

“It will certainly be an interesting dynamic there Dinah, whose revenge will be stronger, ours for WC34 or theirs for Jaredcohenia.”

“We’ll just have to wait and see I guess Troy.”

“As for the rest of the Cup, there have been some crazy scores out there this time around. A 7-0, 8-0, 9-0 and 9-1 score all from today’s matches. Some teams are going to have real tired legs and might wish they saved some of those goals for future matches. Three of the four victims came from the Baptism of Frost with Delesa getting the fourth schelacking. On the other hand it isn’t all bad news for the BoF squads as Veitau managed a draw with the monks of the Archeregimancy to hold onto a surprise second place in their group. And the shocker of the day comes from Commerce heights where the top seed of that group was stunned at home 2-0 by the BoF runners-up Jariss. Too bad CH couldn’t play like that when we were in their group last Cup.”

“Yes truly a strange day on the pitch Troy. But now we have to take a look at Arridia. If you take away their 7-2 destruction of Kristovenia in matchday three we’re actually on an even level with the defending champs offensively while maintaining the defensive edge. However this match will be in their stadium with their fans ready to try and fire up the team to get back into a rhythm. I don’t think the results will be good for us this time Troy. Arridia 2-0.”

“Well Arridia has had some underwhelming performances so far with a pair of draws that they should have won even if they haven’t lost yet. I’d feel more comfortable if we were getting them at home but I think we have enough momentum right now to steal a point even though we’re on the road. 2-2 draw I say.”

“Either way its going to be a major fight Troy, a win here though would tell the world that Tynelia is ready to step up. A loss will hurt and probably confirm the idea that we’re a solid qualifier but no threat to the top teams once the cup proper begins. But we’ll find out soon enough, so for Tory Wallace and the rest of the Tynelian Soccer Weekly crew, this is Dinah Miller wishing everyone a good night.”

The team dashes off the field and into the locker room after the final whistle sounds, jumping around, screaming their heads off as a stunned silent stadium full of people sit behind them after Jariss pulled off one of the biggest upsets of the qualifiers with a 2-0 win over Commerce Heights in CH.


Tali Vindu: Oh my god I don’t believe. I shut them out! I shut them out!

Fya Panai: Two in a row Tali! We rule!

Minna Dawo: See I told coach I’d make up for not scoring against Fort Europe, two today!

Leni Banama: You sure did Minna, great game everyone.

Goru Lyani: We’re not last anymore either!

Gia Banama: And if we win the next match we’d be in the playoff spot!

<team cheers more loudly>

Fya: Our defense rules now. Geisenfried just got lucky last time that’s all. Now we’re ready for them all.

Datu Kippo: I bet no one thought we could do it! Commerce Heights is like, totally awesome!

Minna: Well everyone better watch out for us now!

Joa Giranu: But Turruth Gordor scored a million goals in their match. That could be bad.

Fya: Nah that just means their kicking legs will be ready to fall off. I bet Tali won’t even see a shot on net they’ll be so tired.

Tali: Ooh three in a row, that would be just like playing back home.

Goru: We ARE playing them at home.

Fya: Woohoo we’ll win for sure.

Coach Maru Hiniru comes walking in.

Coach Maru: You mean like how Commerce Heights was supposed to win for sure today?

Fya: Well… that’s different.

Coach Maru: Sorry Fya it’s the same thing. WE can’t afford to take anything for granted, we’re the new guys after all.

The rest of the team quiets down as Coach Maru continues.

Coach Maru: Then again that was the best match I’ve ever seen any Jariss squad play anywhere. One of the top ten teams in the world and you shut them out…in THEIR stadium!

<Team cheers again, Goru and Joa start pushing each other>

Tali: I shut them down coach!

Coach Maru: That you did, you and the defense played tremendously today. And Minna way to pick up the attack today.

Minna: Well I did promise I’d make it up.

Coach Maru: And you certainly did at that. Now everyone out there has to sit up and take notice of what we’re doing. Its gonna be a great cruise back home to finish the first half of play.

<Team cheers again>

Coach Maru: BUT. I don’t want anyone looking past Turruth Gordor now. A win like this makes it easy to forget about the next match. They scored seven goals against the same Jeru FC team that tied us at home so don’t be thinking this will be easy. We’ll be at home with the excited crowd in our favor but these guys are a good team, they will take advantage of our mistakes so let’s not make any.

Andre Miware: And then we can take over third!

Coach Maru: Only if we win Andre, because of that blowout Turruth Gordor has a big goals differential edge on us so we have to get a win to move ahead of them. And don’t think Commerce Heights won’t be around at the finish either. We have a long way to go yet in these qualifiers. But at least now you know you can play with and beat anyone in the group since you beat the best here today. However never forget the same works the other way, anyone out there could very well beat us on any given day too. Just keep playing our way and good things will come. If we get a draw fine, a loss- well we’re expected to be losing, a win…and people will be calling us a contender. So let’s keep our heads together and become contenders after next match. Now hit the showers, we’re going out for dinner, my treat after this win.

<Team cheers>

St Samuel (0) 0
Zwangzug (1) 2

With manager Della Penzzi already having a tough time with the press the last thing he needed was a tough fixture against Zwangzug, and with that he would be hoping that Simon Ryne would be having an off day.

But unfortunatley for him it was Marienburg United's striker, Simon Ryne who stole all the limelight. Since moving to St Samuel Ryne has become the darling of the St Samuel King's division and certainly lived up to his reputation by scoring two against his good friend and team mate Niclas Corinthian.

It took just 18 minutes for Ryne to get his first with a dazzling display by taking on 3 defenders and placing the ball around Corinithian in what was an amazing solo effort.

St Samuel's only real chance came from Dexter St John who's great volley was scrambled off the line.

If St Samuel thought there recent bad form couldn't get any worse they were very much mistaken, when in the second half, young midfield supremo, Leo Sensini pulled up quickly clutching his hamstring after sprinting for the ball. The younng superstar limped off the pitch in pain and it is yet unknown the extent of the injury.

A tightly contested second half saw St Samuel dominate short periods with some notable good displays by Dexter St John, Maximus Di Sicci and Omar Batista, but the Zwangzug defence become somewhat of an iron curtain.

With 10 minutes to go Simon Ryne all but killed off the game with an expertly executed bicycle kick which Corinthian could do nothing about and the 10,000 travelling Zwangzugian fan's were treated to an amazing goal. But out of respect to his home club, Simon Ryne skipped the celebrating and walked back calmly to his own half.

St Samuel now after four games are second to bottom and to many are very much so under performing. With a very tough fixture, away to Rejistania, Della Penzzi's day's as manager may be numbered unless he can pull off a great result.

Back in the present/past:

ROCKPORT WORLD NEWS, Channel 7

Our continuing coverage of the TACHYON CASCADE. The cascade now measures 100 iles in diameter, and is now growing at a rate of 50 feet a second. President Frank Young has issued a voluntary evacuation order for the following cites: Bruxen, Pika City, Lorax City, Gothika and Yorkshire. Our sources within the scientific community say that at this rate within a couple of weeks, if not stopped, the enitre country will be engulfed. The fusion bomb theory is still workable, but now must be done within the next 48 hours, or it maybe to massive to implode. More on this story as it develops.

<Skip ahead to sports>

Qazox wins again, this time over Kiryu-shi 3-2. The win now puts the Black Oxen, for the time being, into 1st place in Group 1. The match was a classic as neither side could keep a lead until the winning goal in the 88th minute by Greg Holden. Kiryu-shi managed to get on the board first in the 29th minute when Garret McGee scored. Qazox answered just 3 minutes later of a corner kick when Yancy Fry headed home a nice lob. Qazox took the lead in the 54th minute when Greg holden scored off a deflected shot by Yancy Fry. But Kiryu-shi' McGee weaved through traffic and managed to score in the 65th.

Up next is a trip to Delsea, who just got crushed by Errinundera 8-0. We're shoud have little trouble, but the team should not be overconfident as they have lost in this position before.


And now back to the future/present:
YEAR 3421 Day 290
PLACE Confederation Base Alpha-5
TIME 0800 STANDARD


"...And then i was here, where La-Yo found me and took me on his ship." Kyle said.

"Interesting story, Mr. Cartman. But the one thing I cannotuinderstand is why did you think that disconnecting PROJECT COBALT, as you call it, would save Qazox instead of destroy it?" Commander Sauter asked.

"Like I said, due to earlier travels though time, I saw a future in which Qazox ws destroyed due to a cascade failure of the device. I had to stop them from starting using the device." Kyle replied.

"I want you to watch something Mr. Cartman, and when you are done, The trial will begin." Sauter said.

"Trial? What for?" Kyle asked

"Just watch these recordings from other countries that existed 1500 years ago, Mr. Cartman. Everything will be explained in them." Sauter said walking out of the romm and the videos began to play.

Wyld Stallyns
WORLD CUP 35 SHOW

Ted: I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan

Bill: And I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire

Together: And We're Wyld Stallyns!!

Ted: Wwlcome back to the WORLD CUP 35 SHOW

Bill: Sigmund Frued is not here, as the tour is still going on, but he will be here tommorrow.

Ted: True, Quakmybush beat the Potheads 2-0. Both goals were scored by Cory Sorley of Quakmybush.

Bill: That drops us down to 0-1-3, and it looks like it will be a long battle to get back into contention.

Ted: Right. But We're mad, not at our record but the Az-cz media. They released a top-6 list yeaterday and we are tick-off about it. Here's a copy of the list:


Amda-Mo: Ok. Let's get to our second list. Tonight we'll look at the teams who have done the best without making the cup proper.

Lur-Mn: Here we go:

6. Turruth Gordur
5. Acapais
4. Kiryu-shi
3. Fort Europe
2. Bostopia
1. Ropa-Topia


Bill: WHERE THE HECK IS Sativaville? Huh? This is our 7th cup campign, we won the Baptism of Fire, and have done well in the Cup of Harmony, when we'e been invited. Hell Kiryu-shi been around for only one cup, and they are on the list? Who ever made that list in Az-cz needs to lay off the crack pipe.

Ted: Agreed dude, and Ropa-Topia as #1? Hell when was the last time someone ever thought of Rop-Topia in terms of Football?

Bill: The othe 4 on the list, we sort-a agree with.

Ted: In response to that wlist, we have a list of our own. The top 5 luckiest teams to have made the World Cup since we've been around.

#5- Green wombat(WC 34) they actually made the WC last time out, even though they seemingly dissapeared after the halfway point.

#4- Quakmybush (WC 29) One of the few teams to actually qualify for the Cup in their first attempt, but came from one of the weakest qualifing groups. Hell We won the BoF before this Cup, and they weren't even close.

#3- Quakmybush (WC 31) We have to put them here again as they only got in thanks to Raging Penguins refuing to play in the World Cup.

#2- Demot (WC 33) Somehow made the cup over The Lowland Clans, who managed to get in through a playoff.

#1- Az-cz (WC 33) The only way they could have gotten in that time was to acutally host the damn thing.

Ted: Well that's all for now, on our next show, Sigmund Freud!

Bill: So Be Excellent to each other Sativaville, Wyld Stallyns Out!

Turruth Gordur Press Release

From the Desk of Gorgol The Butcher Harad:

I wonder if the Nation States footballing community is really prepared for Turruth Gordur to crash into our first Proper… Are they prepared for the brutality and viciousness with which we overwhelm our opponents? Are opposing teams prepared with enough bandages and gauze to soak up the blood of their players after we smash them into the ground?

Geisenfried was not prepared. It brought a smile to my face to see the No. 14 team in Nation States hobble off the field, like weak puppies. Sure, they got lucky and scored a goal on a penalty kick in the 23rd minute. But their forward should have been watching when our keeper, Gorbag Madril, came flying in to tackle the ball away from him. Gorbag should have never gotten that yellow card. But, enough of that! Draco made things right for us in the 67th minute. I couldn’t contain my laughter after he blasted a shot directly at Geisenfried’s keeper’s face and then redirected the rebound for our goal. Sure, we didn’t come away with the win, but we had just followed drew with two of the so-called best teams in Nation States!

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/geisenfried.png [14] Geisenfried 1 — 1 Turruth Gordur [44] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png
GEI: PK Goal at: (23’) | TG: Draco Glaurung (67’)
Yellow Cards: [TG] Gorbag Madril (23’) | Red Cards: None
Attendance: Unknown | (Geisenfried)

So... How do we follow up with those two magnificent games? We feast on the flesh and blood of the urchins of Jeru FC. We destroyed them in every facet of the game. They will never forget the slaughter we have laid upon them. They will be feeling the scars of this game for years to come. Everyone on my team was wickedly effective and seeing how some of their players needed to be carried off the field at the end of the game…that was beautiful. I must also commend our supporters for respecting the few supporters of Jeru FC that showed up…they were very brave. But, show me a brave man, and I’ll show you a dead one. Ha! We spared them.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png [44] Turruth Gordur 7 — 0 Jeru FC http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/jeru_fc.png
TG: Dagor Bragollach (12’, 23’), Draco Glaurung (15’, 42’), Uglúk Dramborleg (31’), Gromper Grîpper (55’), Artok Brocas (82’)| JFC: None
Yellow Cards: None | Red Cards: None
Attendance: 80,000 | Timorlug Dome, Timorlug (Turruth Gordur)

Match Log
1. Fort Europe 4 – Turruth Gordur 2
• Draco Glaurung (13’)
• Magda the Forsaken (83’)
2. Capitalizt Slani 2 – Turruth Gordur 2
• Dagor Bragollach (33’, 74’)
3. Geisenfried 1 – Turruth Gordur 1
• Draco Glaurung (67’)
4. [u]Turruth Gordur 7 – Jeru FC 0
• Dagor Bragollach (12’, 23’)
• Draco Glaurung (15’, 42’)
• Uglúk Dramborleg (31’)
• Gromper Grîpper (55’)
• Artok Brocas (82’)

The Crimson Blade

Just Relax

After two emotionally charged victories over Nation States footballing juggernauts The Holy Empire and The Archregimancy, the Assegai Developments National Football Team was hoping to avoid a letdown against No. 51 Estresse Intenso.

Just as expected, the team looked a bit weary, playing their third consecutive road qualifying game. Estresse Intenso controlled most of the first half, coming close to scoring on several opportunities. However, Assegai’s defense turned in another brilliant game, helping keeper Akihiko Yoshida earn his third shutout of the qualifying phase, lowering his goals-against average to 0.25.

“Without my defense, playing so well in last few games, I would be lost,” said Akihiko after the game. “To help them relax after match against stressful team, I get them green tea lattes. Very good for your mind, body and soul.”

Assegai avoided another 0-0 draw with a lower-ranked team thanks to a crack shot by team captain and midfielder Ashley Riot, whose swerving, curving free kick from 30 yards out in the 62nd minute left Estresse Intenso keeper Professor Dráuzio Varela nailed to the ground.

“It was a great shot,” Riot said. “I was able to get the ball over the wall and put enough English on the shot to get it to change direction. Varela is a great keeper, and you need a great shot to beat a great keeper.”

Once again, Assegai Manager Zacharius’ disciplined and ground-roots tactics have yielded great results for his team. However, the elf pointed out that his team still has room to improve—a lot.

Zacharius had forward Samantha Neesa run three miles on the pitch of the Sector-Delta Sporting Field for missing three open nets before noticing the press wanting his comments.

“Good results over good squads build momentum and confidence,” he said. “However, I will not allow these talented individuals to slack off. We will maintain our discipline and strength of play. We will be perfect in all aspects of the game, and with that, our results will come through. By the way, it’s very eerie to play at the Sector-Delta Sporting Field. It’s so morbidly silent.”

[17] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/estresse_intenso.png Estresse Intenso 0

[31] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 1

[EST]
None

[AD]
Ashley Riot (62’)

Yellow Cards: None | Red Cards: None
Attendance: Unknown | Sector-Delta Sporting Field (Insanis, Estresse Intenso)

Mikaela Eyre Reporting

Mikaela Eyre adjusts her ample breasts and straightens out her blazer. She is at the Assegai Developments National Team training facility while the team runs drills in the background. She approaches Assegai Manager Zacharius, who turns to address her questions.

“Good morning, Assegai Developments, after sweeping a three-game road trip with impressive victories throughout, the Riskbreakers are back home and are preparing for a match against newcomers Veitau, ranked No. 118 in Nation States. With us today is Assegai Manager Zacharius, whose disciplined tactics have Assegai top of their group having only allowed one goal thus far,” she says.

“Cheers,” says Zacharius.

“What an impressive road trip, Zacharius; it must feel good to be back home, though,” she says.

“Never rest easy, Mikaela,” he says with a serious tone. “It’s not only our motto, but a way of life. I am pleased of how well the team has embraced this and our grass roots tactics. As you have seen, we have solidified our defense and although we’re not getting all our shots to drop in the net, we’re generating many chances from the midfield up.”

“Next up is Veitau, Zacharius,” she says. “What’s the game plan?”

Zacharius tightens his lips a bit, looking pensive. “We can’t take them for granted,” he responds. “You saw what happened against Clesmire. We can’t allow the same to happen with Veitau. I’m going to push my team to make sure our supporters go home content and confident in their national team.”

“Fair enough,” she says. “I know you’re busy, so we’ll let you get back to running the practice.”

The elf nods and walks back to the field.

“That is all for now from Leá Monde. This is Mikaela Eyre signing off!”

[31] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

VS
[118] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/veitau.png Veitau

Venue: Cathedral Park (Capacity: 75,000) | Leá Monde, Assegai

World Cup Qualifying – MD4

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/squornshelous.png Squornshelous : Acapais http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png
1:2 (1:0)


Match Report:

Vogsphere Arena, Vogsphere, Squornshelous – Acapais’s win streak continues after last night’s 2-1 victory away from home over Squornshelous on Matchday Four of the World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 35. #2 ranked Squornshelous against #42 Acapais did not get a lot of media attention prior to the game, but post match broadcasts were televised around the world. This was an epic match of this qualifying campaign.

When the whistle blew for the start of the match Squornshelous took the kickoff and took a shot immediately from mid field. Goalkeeper LeGrand was well off his line and Pertti Vilho hit the bottom of the bar and the football bounced straight down, back up, off the bar again, and out to safety. After that incident at the beginning of the match it was quite for a while as the nations spent some time to get the feel for one another. 20 minutes in, however, a one-two between Hermanni and Latvala, and Hermanni slots it home. 27 minutes in, Salvador Salazar hit the inside post and it bounced directly back to him so he one-timed a second shot that hit the far post and deflected into the keeper’s hands. 32 minutes in, Edward LeGrand made a Le“Grand” save by deflecting a point blank shot by Barker up and over the net for a corner kick. LeGrand came to the rescue again just before the half when Vilho ripped a left footer from 30 yards out. His diving save gave the rest of his team confidence for the second half.

Oscar Van Savage started strong by letting one fly from 25 yards out, but it was too close to the keeper, and he gathered it up. Vilho’s header off a corner kick 55 minutes in was cleared off the line by Shane Murphy with his head. Eight minutes later Murphy took a corner and Alex McKellar was on the end of it, and goalkeeper Wirmann punched it away. The ball then fell to the foot of Salvador Salazar. A couple step overs to beat the defender and his short cross found the head of Graham Atwater who put it down and bounced underneath the keeper for Acapais’s first goal of the match. Jalmari made a killer run down the right hand side of the field in the 74th minutes and his cross to the top of the 18 found Hermanni whose bicycle kick grazed the outside of the near post. In his debut appearance, James Fronberry, was fouled 23 yards out 80 minutes in, just to the right of the goal. Oscar Van Savage struck a beautiful free kick with his left that found the back of the net. Curling away from the keeper, the space between the keepers hands and the near post was just enough for a football. In the 89th minutes, however, Squornshelous was throwing everything forward, and for a split second, Vilho was through. Nandy, fully aware of what he was doing, took him down inside the 18. The referee went straight to his back pocket and Nandy was sent-off for denying a goal scoring opportunity. Barker stepped up to take the penalty. Both teams at this point were saying their prayers. Being only his 7th international cap, Edward Legrand guessed correctly and made a memorable save. Acapais came away with a narrow victory.

The win puts Acapais in first place in group 8 just three points in front of Turori after their victory against Unknown Suburbia. Acapais will visit Cravan on MD5. The new Manager for Acapais, Yomi Elixer, is undefeated after four games and has the greatest upset in Acapan history on his belt.

Scoring:
Squornshelous – Hermanni (Latvala) 20
Acapais – Atwater (Salazar) 63
Acapais – Van Savage (unassisted) 81

Booking:
Acapais – Van Savage (Caution; reckless foul) 36
Acapais – Davis (Caution; reckless foul) 52
Squornshelous – Korov (Caution; reckless foul) 59
Acapais – McKellar (Caution; reckless foul) 72
Acapais – Nandy (Send-off; Denying a GSO) 89

Acapais Starting Lineup:
22 - Edward LeGrand (GK)
2 - Shane Murphy (C)
3 - Nick McKellar
13 - Jeremy Davis
10 - Shaurabh Nandy
15 - Graham Atwater
5 - Salvador Salazar
7 - Dom'onic Duke (16 - James Fronberry) 72
8 - Alex McKellar (4 - Craig Robicheaux) 61
9 - Oscer Van Savage
11 - Ricardo Jose (3 - Nick McKellar) 78

Squornshelous Starting Lineup:
Jaska Wirmann
Njord Fridtjof
Gunnar Jonsson
Sten Mortenson
Pauli Aimo
Per Korov
Emil Jalmari
Arman Latvala
Patrik Hermanni
Nikko Barker
Pertti Vilho

Next Match:

@ Cravan http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cravan.png

Acapais Goal Scorers:
4 – Oscar Van Savage
2 – Ricardo Jose
2 – Atwater
1 – Salazar
1 – Duke

Acapais Assists:
2 – Van Savage
2 – Salazar
1 – Jose
1 – Alex McKellar
1 – Murphy
1 – Robicheaux

Acapais Yellow Cards:
1 – McKellar
1 – Davis
1 – Nandy
1 – Murphy
1 – Salazar
1 – Duke
1 – Van Savage

Acapais Red Cards:
1 – Nandy (Suspended for WCQ MD5)


-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12690192&postcount=17)

"Oh, chaps, wasn't that fun? We lose to a team that hasn't ever won before! And we lost to a team that Errinunderundera scored nine against! Don't you think Mr Hacker is a genius to have managed a defeat against Tolvarus? Eh, what?"

"Shat your face, you posh git."

"Ah, the joyful repartee with the working classes. So refreshing and exciting. One obtains such insight, what?"

"I'm warning you...your card is marked. I am NOT in the best of moods."

"Well, don't you think it was a little silly to be so defensive in the face of an attack that had scored just twice but was letting in two per match? Perhaps a more adventurous strike force would have been successful, eh? Eh?"

*twat*

"Gmmff...by dose...that's comprehensive education for you..."

"Wow!"

"What?"

"It's so boring to report when you are one of the best"

"Why?"

"Well there was this old Casaran conversation on it but I'll go through it again, first you know you can already qualify with minimal reports so you think about not doing it but that makes you feel guilty because all these other nations are doing it so you do it, but you've already done all the exciting things because you've been around for such a long time. This all gets compounded because our lineups are so sane"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Look at AIF's lineup it's full of philosophers and stuff it makes it fun and exciting and we could never have that, ever"

"Why couldn't we have it?"

"To proud of a footballing tradition"

"But we have a horse play in the AOCAF"

"So what?"

"We could do that in the World Cup"

"And give up the brilliance of Belmowitz, the skills of Keffer, the speed of Marchakov, the passing of Rintell, and the flailing of Dalton, why?":

"So you like the current system, I WIN"

"Find you win"

"HOSED!"

Final Score:
Milchama 1 (Flar 35)
Kampfers 0 (HOSED!)

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Florent 42, Flossmore 59)
Spruitland 0 (Yeh Defense!)

Final Score:
Milchama 5 (Belmowitz 5, 9, Kelton 38, Flar 68, Rintell 86)
Atheistic Right 1 (Miller 72)

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 35 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A PERFORMANCE TO STOP THE CRITICS

http://img374.imageshack.us/img374/1250/fanxr4.jpg
Supporters left the stadium shouting and commemorating

Cafundéu had a bad start in the qualifiers, with two losses. But, after that, the team got its first victory against Western Afghanistan, and wanted another against Patusan. Since the start Cafundéu had no problems in humiliate the opponent team, scoring goals easily and making beautiful plays. Near the end of the game, the players started to make a particular show for the supporters, making nice dribbles and passes only to amuse the ones in the stadium.

The game also showed a special game for the tall defensive midfielder Anormal. His long ranged shots didn’t give him any goals in the first games, but today he was able to score a lot, and in many different ways. Four goals, and surely a day to remember. The only bad news is that Dário got injured in the beginning of the game, and can be three games out.

Now, the team has six points, and is in the third place in the tables. Of course the country wants more, and this can be achieved with a victory against Fmjphoenix. Both teams already know everything about their next opponent, including preferred toothpaste, colour and television program, as they’ll repeat this game for the sixth time. A victory, and Cafundéu goes to the second place.

THE GAME
When the game started, it was clear that Cafundéu’s players didn’t think that the game was already won. Maybe this happened because of Neves’s style, tough and not friendly. In the first minutes, Cafundéu studied the opponent. But the goal happened soon. Dário got the ball in the midfield and reached the entrance of the area. He shot, the ball hit an opponent and went to Tales, who shot and scored the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“The game is still going in a low pace. Dário is now with the ball. He stops and looks for his options. Rrrrruns to the attack, shoots... it hits the defender! Tales gets the rrrrrebound, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! See the replay with me! Tales, number seven! Cafundéu one, Patusan zero! Violence is everrrrrywhere. To combat it, buy Vigilante’s securrrrrity systems!”

Patusan couldn’t even try to react. They couldn’t get the ball, the visitors seemed an amateur team in the game. Noticing that, Cafundéu started the pressure, attacking with five players. In the first attack, the defense cleared. But in the second, Tales had the chance to score, but he missed the ball. The defender tried to clear, but Léo Mattos took the ball from him, dribbled him, and shot to score another goal. Minutes after, Dário left the game injured.

After the first two goals, the Monopolists continued with their attacks, but the finishes were poor and the team lost many chances. Patusan continued to make many mistakes, and shot from outside the area sometimes, but Júnior didn’t have to work. A strange thing happened in the middle of the half. Cafundéu lost the ball, and Patusan started a counterattack. There were no defenders, and the attacker was in an offside position. The mascot of Patusan, angry with that, invaded the field, but was arrested later.

But, after the thirtieth minute, the supporters saw the most beautiful goal of the game. The play started in the defense, with Ray Kirs. The ball was passed to Barbosa, who dribbled an opponent and made the pass to Kliek. The attacking midfielder dribbled two opponents and crossed the ball to the area. Renário headed the ball to his team mate, Heitor, who jumped and hit the ball with a bycicle kick, scoring the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Kirs with the ball in the defense, the ball is passed to Barrrrrbosa. Good drrrrribble, Kliek rrrrreceives the ball and rrrrruns against the defense. One, two! Two drrrrribbles, the ball is sent to the arrrrrea, Rrrrrrrrenárrrrrio to scorrrrre... no, he headed to Heitor... what a goal! Look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL! GOOOOOAL! Goal for Cafundéu! Please show the replay, more than once! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu three, Patusan zero! Beautiful play, and incredible finishing!”

The coach Alfredo Neves was satisfied with the team’s performance, and gave few orders to the players during the first half. So, they have freedom to do whatever they want, and started to abuse of the beautiful passes and dribbles. Alfredo had to interfere, and complained with his players, asking them to be more objective. The result of that was the fourth goal. Corner kick. Kliek took it, Eduardo Monte headed, the keeper saved and Tales got the rebound to score.

http://img374.imageshack.us/img374/7527/kxzre1.jpg
Léo Mattos scored a goal

Alfredo Neves only wanted to make one change: put Flecha in the game. He said that he did that because Flecha has talent, and, as the team was playing well, it would be a big opportunity for him. In the first minutes of the second half, Cafundéu was calm and lost nearly all the plays in the midfield. Patusan started to win ball possession, and once again Alfredo had to shout, ordering the players to wake up and return to play football.

The complaint worked. The team returned to its offensive plays, and the midfield was regained by the hosts. The visitors suffered another pressure, and the fifth goal happened with a long ranged shot by Anormal. Only two minutes after his first goal, Anormal scored again. Kliek passed the ball to him, who found space to shoot from outside the area again. Read Breno Gavião:

“Five goals scorrrrred... this rrrrrreally is imprrrrressive. Now Cafundéu rrrrreaches the attack again, when will this stop? Léo Mattos with the ball, passes it to Kliek. Patusan is with ten players in the defense, it’ll be difficult to invade. He passes the ball to Anorrrrrmal, he finds space, he shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! The replay is coming! Anorrrrrmal, number five! Cafundéu five, Patusan zero!”

But who thought that Anormal would stop, was wrong. More two minutes passed, and the giant scored again. This time, in a team work. Léo Mattos, in the right wing, passed the ball to Tales, who nearly lost the ball, but could pass it to Anormal. He invaded the area, passed between two defenders and shot with strength. The ball hit the goalkeeper’s head, and he fell dizzy in the ground. Anormal got the rebound and shot again to score the goal.

Losing the game by a big difference, Patusan could do nothing. They defended, and stopped some of the Monopolists attacks. For many minutes, they could work well and avoided suffering more goals. The last ten minutes of the game were the most difficult for them, as Cafundéu attacked with eight players. The first goal was scored by Flecha. Nego Guerreiro crossed the ball and Flecha appeared out of nowhere to head the ball to score.

Following the goal, more attacks. Patusan’s coach was praying, while Alfredo Neves and the supporters in Central City were excited with the excellent result. There was still time, and Anormal would give one more gift for the fans. Kliek took a corner kick in the left wing, and the tall midfielder headed the ball with accuracy to score the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Can Cafundéu scorrrrre morrrrre? This game is alrrrrready historrrrrical. Corrrrrner kick, and the supporters arrrrre anxious to see one morrrrre goal. The ball is sent to the arrrrrea, Anorrrrrmal... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Wait for the replay! Anorrrrrmal again? Yes, it’s Anorrrrrmal, number five! Cafundéu nine, Patusan zero! The summer in Cafundéu is verrrrry hot, so the best thing to do is to eat a Jujuba Ice Crrrrream!”

AFTER THE GAME
The supporters left the stadium impressed with the high quality of football that they saw. Some of them didn’t believe in the result. Inside the field, Alfredo Neves was surrounded by reporters, who waved their microphones. He said, laughing: “I don’t have words to explain... they did everything right. See with your eyes the strength of our team. And please praise them today, as this isn’t a thing that you do often.” He thanked each player for the victory.

Anormal, who scored four goals in the game, was another one that was obligated to give an interview. He said: “I was lucky to be in the right place. I know that I have a strong shot and had to take advantage of my talents. But this victory is a result of our team work, and this involves the defenders, the midfielders, the attackers, the bench players, the staff, the supporters, the cook, the security guard, the clothes cleaner, our dog and many others.”

The defender Léo Mattos also played very well, and said to the reporters: “Wow, I didn’t expect to win by this margin. We didn’t fail in one play... we were great. I’ll dream with this game for some nights.” The attacker Tales said: “We played well, but we need to notice that Patusan played really badly too... so, maybe we can be deceived by the result.”

http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/7893/flaoo7.jpg
Becão had few work in the defense

CAFUNDÉU 9x0 PATUSAN

Place: Toca do Tatu, in Central City.
Attendance: 41,056.
Referee: Fabien Carpentier (Oliverry).
MOTM: Anormal (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Júnior, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Eduardo Monte; Anormal, Barbosa and Dário (Kliek 22'); Tales, Heitor (Nego Guerreiro 72') and Renário (Flecha 45').
Coach: Alfredo Neves.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/patusan.png PATUSAN: no team released.

Goals:CAF: Tales 10'/45'+ , Léo Mattos 14' , Heitor 33' , Anormal 61'/63'/65'/90' , Flecha 82'.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Fmjphoenix: Júnior, Léo Mattos, André Luís, Becão and Eduardo Monte; Anormal, Barbosa and Kliek; Tales, Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Alfredo Neves.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Jesper D’Garden (The Lowland Clans).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 4 games:

4- Anormal
3- Heitor
2- Tales
1- Becão, Léo Mattos, Flecha and Renário

http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/6249/scaja3.jpg
Navarro (centre) commemorating with his friends

BE CALM NEWSPAPER - PLAYER OF THE DAY
EDITION 4: DOCTOR JOEL NAVARRO (#11)

Estresse Intenso had a difficult game at home today, and played well. But, in the end, lost to Assegai Developments in the Sector-Delta Sporting Field. The best players in the game were the goalkeeper Dráuzio Varela and the midfielder Letícia Sabin.

Now, to our player of the day. This time, the Doctor Joel Navarro, attacking midfielder of the team. He isn't considered one of the best player of the starting eleven, but is hardworking and doesn't make mistakes, so he has the confidence of The Machine and plays all the games. He also is good at making assists.

About his life, Joel Navarro was born in Jamelli, a city in the Camargo Mountains. Jamelli was a small city, and its citizens had a good relationship with the government of Cafundéu. Joel Navarro was one of the people who defended the independence in Jamelli, and became famous in the city. After Estresse Intenso got its independence, Joal left the city.

He went to Neblina, capital of the Acropolis state, and studied medicine. Got his degree when he was 30 years old, and got specialized in Gastroenterology. Unfortunately for him, he got captured by a gang while he was working, and stayed many days in a warehouse, without food and drinking polluted water.

But the Landau Insitute was needing a Gastroenterologists, and paid the gang to release him. He had to work for Landau Institute, and, after two years, received his freedom. But he decided to stay in the Institute, and continued working hard.

He isn't married, and probably will continue single for the remaining of his life. Now, he is looking forward to become a professor, and it doesn't seem so far away, as he makes a good job.

The Daily Quak
Sativaville Smoked

The Quakmybush National Soccer team looked to keep their winning streak going by taking on Sativaville. The Sharks were ready to play with a win inching them closer to atleast a playoff spot. The Sharks had the first chance in the game when the ball came rolling out to a wide open Frank Manu, he took a shot that just grazed the post. The scored remained 0-0. Then in the 28th minute Cory Sorley was the beneficiary of a wonderful passing play from Andrew Plett, and Jon Fields, and found the back of the net. The score was now 1-0 Quakmybush. That was the score at half time. After the break the Sativaville team appeared to be amused by the smallest of things. Anyways, back to the game. Between the 65th and 75th minutes Jon Fields hit 4 posts, it just wasn't his day. Late in the game, the 84th minute to be exact, Cory Sorley found himself one on one with the keeper and slid it by on the low side to make it a 2-0 Quakmybush lead, and that is how the game ended.

Quakmybush - 2
Sorley 28' 84'

Sativaville - 0

RP CUT OFF!

SCORES! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12731591&postcount=5)

Team Jeruselem watching a video ... Dazza Dallas puts in a DVD.

<Video>
A short cheerleader is dancing with her team when a flare flies in the air and lands on her head. She screams as her hair catches fire. The other cheerleaders run off, find a bucket of ice and dumps in her head to put the fire out. Doctors run and carry the poor old cheerleader off with the bucket on her head, the scene looks really funny.

Monique Alexander: Gee Dazza, that was great video. Looks like you.
Dazza Dallas: Oh crap, wrong DVD ... that was me.
Team: (break out laughing)

<Dazza changes video>

Dazza: Err, the video was supposed to be Basic French for Beginners! Here it is.

<Team watch the video>

Dazza: There you go, if you don't work out what me and Sark Kozy yabber on in private. There's an idea, but you can't learn French that quickly. Everyone happy now? I can French lessons but I don't have the time for everyone.
Dinkie: Can we watch the first video again?
Rashina: Mum told me about that, I thought she was joking.
Dazza: OK, if you want to see it again Dinkie.

<Team watch the first video again>

Dinkie: That looked really bad coach!
Dazza: Well, I had to stop cheerleading for three weeks to let hair grow back due to the burns. I think I was called buckethead for a while.

Monique: We all still love you even if you have a bucket of ice on your head coach!
Dazza: Thanks, but it's not exactly trendy. OK, game starts in a few hour ... lets go to the bus team.

<After the Jeruselem vs Oliverry game>

Dinkie: I think I've learnt a few French swear words in French from Dazza Dallas and the assistant coach Sark Kozy today. And you too.
Monique: Well, I know French too. I suspect Dazza might throw a few around during THE FOOTBALL LIFE.

Dinkie: You weren't happy with the ref today.
Monique: No, I wasn't. And I think that scar on Dazza's head is itching, so she's not in a good mood.

Dinkie: So this will be an interesting football life.
Monique: Good thing it's in French then. Most people won't work out what you two are saying unless you know French. I think the subtitles will screen out Dazza's French obscenities.

Dazza: Hi everyone.
Dinkie: Err, maybe you shouldn't go out there.
Dazza: I'm going speak my mind, I don't care who I offend. I tell ya, we get worst refs around here. Blowing the f**king whistle all the time and mucking us up. It's not helpful losing to Frenchies THREE ONE when we scored at least two goals if it wasn't for the f**king refs.

Monique: I think this will stop that scar in the head itching, Dazza.

(Moany sprays some stuff on Dazza's head)

Dazza: YOW, that stings.
Monique: Don't worry, it works.
Dazza: Hey, the itching is gone!
Monique: See, good things take time.

Dazza: Good, I can now say obscene things in French without the itch.
Dinkie: Here's your beret.
Dazza: Yes, Betty is going speak her MIND.

Kiryu-shi Suffers Tough Loss; Opponent Suffers Tougher Disaster

By Michio Hibbert

Qazox City, Qazox Kiryu-shi lost a tight game against third seeded Qazox, even with a breakthrough performance by Garret McGee, who had both of the Kiryu-shi goals in the three two match. Although the nation of Qazox was in extreme peril due to some sort of cascade growing in the Tachyon region of the country, the international football went on as scheduled, distracting the citizens of Qazox, momentarily. Both teams looked incredibly focused, ready to give the fans what they’d paid for. Overall, it was one of the best losses, right up there with the Cup of Harmony Championship, that Kiryu-shi has experienced.

____The match was close from the start, as both teams appeared equally fit and prepared. The early minutes were full of momentum gathering struggles for the ball, as neither team was willing to give an inch of space to their opponents, and defenders were quick to latch on to their opponents. Pat Mayberry dazzled with spectacular ball handling maneuvers down the side line, but Qazox defenders were constantly attached, and even his unique combination of talent wasn’t enough to break through. However, in the 29th minute, Kiryu-shi finally struck gold. After a questionable tripping call, Kiryu-shi was set up with a free kick from around the halfway line towards the right sideline. The defender Matthew Pruet sailed the ball to the edge of the penalty box, where Hellen Gandy made a beautiful leaping header to nudge the ball through to Garret McGee, who volleyed the ball into the back of the net, stunning the home crowd. It was a beautifully orchestrated series of passes, culminating in a great move by McGee to twist the ball past several defenders and the opposing keeper. However, Qazox, spurred on by the cries of their fans, forced a corner kick just three minutes later. A pristine, swerving cross met Yancy Fry’s head, making the ball jump just over Jon Crow’s arms to even the score at one one in the 32nd minute. The half ended as it begun, with both teams battling up and down the pitch, with the score level.

____Qazox looked rejuvenated starting the second half, while Kiryu-shi looked a little weary. Qazox pushed forward relentlessly, attacking Kiryu-shi defenders at all points. Kiryu-shi’s defenders were holding them off, deflecting shots and clearing centers until the 54th minute, when Yancy Fry’s long shot was deflected off the leg of Greg Holden, directing the ball just into the corner of the net, while Jon Crow stood still, disbelief in his eyes as the crowd behind him erupted with joy. Qazox appeared content with their one goal lead, as they settled back into defending, and the match looked like it could end two one, but McGee was not quite finished. In an incredible individual effort, McGee, not normally the best of dribblers, showed some flashy footwork, eluding multiple defenders and scoring in the 65th minute to level the score once again. The game then descended into a frenzy of attacks, as both teams attempted, more and more desperately, to score the winning goal. A flurry of shots on both sides kept on missing the target, and both keepers built up large numbers of saves. The match looked as if it would end with a draw, but in the 88th minute, Qazox struck the final blow. Holden was the final hero, as his shot from just outside the penalty area arced just within the confines of the metal bars bordering the net. The crowd could not contain it’s excitement, and the roaring continued till the final whistle.

OOC: I liked this RP, so I'm posting it anyways. I'll write one for the last game, on time, though.

To: Stuart_Abdul_Rahim, Manager, Ulzaxid national football team
From: 황정덕 (Hwaŋ Jūŋ-dūg), Chairman, Aeropag Tribune Media Corporation

Having heard of your request for names to use for your World Cup 36 squad, I—and probably a large percentage of Unified Capitalizt States residents—suggest that a striker be named Alejandro_Bolúfero, after the Bedistani–Jativan striker that scored over a dozen international hat-tricks for the Capitalizts in a period of three World Cups, and that will almost certainly be entered into the World Cup Hall of Fame should Capitalizt SLANI ever be bothered to type up a list. Though he is currently the manager of the SLANI national team, he is likely to retire at the conclusion of the current World Cup (but you didn’t hear that from me). Good luck with finding additional suitable names for your team.

—황정덕

(ooc: to Kiryu-shi, Tachyons, are theoretical particles of time or light {Depends on who you talk to} not a region in my country, but thanks for mentioning it.)

Back in the present/past:

ROCKPORT WORLD NEWS, Channel 7

Our continuing coverage of the TACHYON CASCADE. A national evacuation of the Qazox has been ordered after the fusion bombs failed to implode the cascade, but there is good news at the moment. For now the cascade as slowed it growth rate, now down to 500 ft an hour, buying more time to figure out how to reverse the effect. ...This just in, a new report from our neighbors to the south, Poolshrimpers, The cascade was nearing thier border, when it stopped, about 100 feet short of the border. It is unknown why it stopped growing there at this time. More on this as it develops.

<Skip ahead to sports>

Qazox wins again, 2-0 over Delsea, and at the half-way point of qualifing, Qazox leads the group with a 4-0-1 record. In 2nd is Errinundera, who is our next opponent. We beat them last time 2-1. But since then they've scored just under 6 goals a game, so we've got to be on 100% to win this game.

And now back to the future/present:
YEAR 3421 Day 292
PLACE Confederation Base Alpha-5
TIME 1200 STANDARD

"Holy Ox, It's all my fault! I did this. I tried to prevent it from happening, but I'm the one who caused it." Kyle wailed in his holding cell.

"Ironic, that you caused the devestation that you sought to prevent. But Mr. Cartman, we can use temporary insanity to get you off the murder charges. As for the destruction charges, no way we can get you off of those. You're looking at 50 years in a penal colony." His laywer, a Mr. Jo-Nes said.

"I KILLED ALMOST 3 BILLION PEOPLE AND YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT WETHER OR NOT THE INSANITY DEFENSE WILL WORK?" Kyle yelled at the laywer.

"Mr. Cartman, you've admitted as much. You've said that once you heard that the object was still being used, you said that you "just snapped" and went to destroy the device." Jo-Nes said.

"Just get out of here, I can't talk right now" Kyle said.

As the laywer leaft the cell, Kyle began to pace the cell.

'Somehow I've got to get out of here and find some way to go back in time and prevent this from happening, but the only way to do that is to use PROJECT COBALT once again, but how can I power the item? Not to mention how do I get out of here and back to Qazox again?"

Wyld Stallyns
WORLD CUP 35 SHOW

Ted: I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan

Bill: And I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire

Together: And We're Wyld Stallyns!!

Ted: And welcome to the Mid-point of Qualifing review show!

Bill: And good news as the Potheads finally won a game 2-0 over Daughrty.

Ted: Yes! Both goals were scored by: Clinton Lichtenberg in the 56th and 70th minutes.

Bill: now our special guest, Sigmund Freud!

Sigmund: Vell about time you haf me on show.

Ted: Sigmund, will you help us analyze the groups at the halfway stage?

Sigmund: Ja, das ist why i'm here.

Bill: In group one, Qazox has the lead, followed by Errinundera. They mwwt in a couple fo days, and I think who ever wins that match wins the group. Wentalnd and Kiryu-shi, the winner of that re-match will get in, while the loser goes home.

Ted: Sounds good bill, In group two, Az-cz, the luckiest team in the history of the World Cup leads a weak group, big surprise there. As for 2nd, Fmjpheonix and Swilatia are banging heads, with Cafundeu having a chance. I see Swilatia edging oit Fmjpheonix to get in.

Sigmund: Und in Group Tree, Milchama looks to haf it oonder control. Ze athiests are surprising many, but zey vill falter. Vilita goes on.

Bill: In group 4, Green wombat somehow leads the group despite seeming not even sending a team to the qualifers. But such arrogance usually comes abck and bites ya in the ass, so Tyenlia and defendign champs Ariddia will go through.

Ted: Group 5 Oliverry looks nearly unbeatable as only Jeruselem slowed them down. And Jeruselem will advance as well, with Ropa-Topia getting the playoff berth.

Sigmund: In group sex, six, damn my slip, Greasen-fire leads and vill go on, vile Turruth Gordur and Fort Europe fight for ze last spot. Don't forget about Jar-ist, they haf done vell for a new team.

Bill: Group 7, both Northern Bettia and Schiavonia are in the top spots, but Yafor 2 and Bushes Been Quaked are close. It could be a fight to the finish there.

Ted: In group 8, Acapais is stunning the world by being 5-0-0 so far, beating both Turori and Squornshelous. But I think Acapais will crash to the earth in the 2nd half and Turori and Squornshelous will go through.

Sigmund: in Group Nein, Sativaville's grouping, Bettia und Quakmybush will go on, and Bostopia vill edge out der Potheads for third.

Bill: Group 10 sees Sel Appa and Demot on top and the way the rest of the group is? They both could lose 3 games and still qualify.

Ted: Group 11 sees another battle, this time between The Archregimancy and Alasdair I Frosticus. They sit 2nd and 4th, with Asegaion top. Don't think that Assegai can't be caught and if any two teams were to do it, A1F and the Arch can. Veitau is playing out of their skull, but possibly will fade.

Sigmund: Und der last Groupen, 12. ESF und Ziggyzagg haf der lead over Rejistani. But der Rejistani will come back und vin der group.

Ted: Well that's all for now, on our next show, Ghengis Khan! and it will be on late, so put the kids to bed early.

Bill: So Be Excellent to each other Sativaville, Wyld Stallyns Out!

Kate Roy: "[...] nous allons exposer le scandale du 330 millions de dollar Oliver utilisé illégalement par le gouvernement du Parti Néo-Démocrate après la partie de soccer. Tout cela, aux Télénouvelles. À plus tard!"

*Screen fades to the ident*

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v338/Oli55/Teleoliidenteveningnight.jpg

Announcer: "Vous regardez TéléOli: Votre télévision francophone!"

*Screen then fades to the same intro as usual, ending with a player kicking a soccer ball through the O in TéléOli's logo, and fading to the following screen*

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v338/Oli55/GamePresentationTloliGame5.jpg

Announcer: "Tonight, TéléOli presents the soccer match, featuring Jéruselem, and Oliverry"

Christian Chabot: Welcome everyone. As you can see, we are in studio tonight, as the match is not in Oliverry. But don't worry. When it will be time for the World Cup proper, we will be there, live. Hi Nicolas, I was almost forgetting about you *laughs*

Nicolas Pétrie: *laughs* Eh... Hi Christian. This match is promising, as the two best teams from Group 5 of the Qualifying, Oliverry and Jéruselem, will face together. This match might be very important for the two teams, even though they're the most likely ones to advance from this group.

Christian: Exactly. But, let's predict now. Who will win? Seriously, I think Oliverry will win, even though it will tough. 2-1 win. What about you, Nicolas?

Nicolas: I predict a 1-1 draw on my side. Jéruselem are very mighty, and we have to take into account the Dazza factor...

Christian: The Dazza factor? You mean Dazza Dallas? La sélectionneure de l'équipe Jéruselemienne?

Nicolas: Yes, that one. We'll talk about that later Christian because...

Christian: And the match is underway!! Thanks for choosing TéléOli to watch this World Cup Qualifying match! Dosha passes to Hooney [...]

*At the 16th minute*

Christian: Bootcutter, sends the ball to Foster. Who kicks the ball to Rashina Dallas. Dallas kicks it far ahead and it's intercepted by Kevin Carter. Carter is joined by Mohammed and Alexander. Alexander gets the ball and passes it to Dinkie Dosha at offence. SHE'S ALL ALONE! Only her and Dominic Webb, the Oliverrian keeper. She shoots... ET LE BUT! And Jéruselem takes the lead, thanks to a goal by Dinkie Dosha!

Nicolas: Great goal there. Suspicions of...

Christian: And the referee disallows the goal!! She was offside, claims the referee, and he might be right!

Nicolas: Exactly what I was about to say. Let's check the replay, do you want Christian? We can see the offside line... right there. And Dosha is clearly beyond it when Monique Alexander makes a long pass to her.

Christian: Eh ben... That means the score is still 0-0 then... And Dominic Webb sends it far away in the Jeruselemian territory[...]

*At the 37th minute*

Nicolas [...] about Dazza Dallas's reputation?

Christian: Never heard about it actually. Care to explain?

Nicolas: Apparently, she had a late-night show in Jéruselem which was pretty popular, DazMania. I heard that she had to host that show naked some times. On the last 20 minutes of her last show, she hosted completely naked, which had for effect the fact that the ratings were boosted for that last ever show. Now, she's right beside an old fart, the Oliverrian manager, Mr. Desaulniers. You know the funny fact? It's that Dazza is part Ariddian, so her mother tongue is actually... French!

Christian: Oh yeah! We'll have to ask her to come over once so that we can interview her! That could be pretty interesting... ET LE BUT!! Jéruselem takes the lead 1-0! And I hope this is true this time!

Nicolas: Let's wait for the replay... As you can see, Dazza Dallas is simply taking too much of our attention right now *laughs*. Ah well... The replay is now on... and the goal is perfectly legal! A magnificient goal scored by Shane Hooney!

Christian: I have to agree. Now, will our little bet be true? Let's see that, as Vadeboncoeur passes to Querry for the kickoff[...]

*47th minute*

Christian: The first half is about to be over... and IT IS! Jéruselem leads 1-0 at Half-time. Care to analyse this half Mr. Pétrie?

Nicolas: When have you begun to call me by my last name Christian?

Christian: Uh... I don't know, it just came like this Nicolas...

Nicolas: Ok. Well, a half completely dominated by Jéruselem, as it could be 2-0, seeing as they got a goal disallowed at the 16th minute when Dosha was offside. But Shane Hooney scored a legitimate goal and it's 1-0 for Jéruselem.

Christian: Thanks for your analyze. We'll now take a break. After the break, we'll show you an interview with the president of the Association Oliverrienne de Soccer, Ryan Robinson. You're now watching Le Soccer de la Coupe du Monde, à l'antenne de TéléOli.

*At the 56th minute*

Christian: The beginning of this half is simply dominated by Oliverry. The midfielders are dominant and I guess the Jéruselem squad only got the ball for a minute since the beginning.

Nicolas: A minute and five seconds, to be accurate mon cher!

Christian: So, Henrichon passes to Carter, who realises Henrichon wanted to counter-attack. Carter throws a long pass to Lagassé. Lagassé, crosses to Vadeboncoeur right outside of the area. He passes to Labbé in the area. He shoots... ET LE BUT! LABBBÉÉÉÉÉÉÉ ÉGALISSEEEEEEE!!!! And it's 1-1!

Nicolas: Great team play there. Henrichon knew the Jéruselem defence was sleepy and took the opportunity to launch a counter-attack. Carter was fast enough to keep the ball go ahead and to long pass to Lagassé, who only had to pass to Vadeboncoeur for him to be able to pass to Labbé, who can score much like Alan Belmore would. Île-Royale PFC should be happy to have him on the squad. Plus, I'm happy. If the score stays like this, you owe me 100 Oliver dollars, nonetheless.

Christian: Pfft... Oliverry has the time to come back and to win. Dosha kicksoff and passes to Hooney who launches a counter-attack right away. He shoots from far away and... HE IS ABLE TO TOUCH WEBB, who sends it over the bar! CORNER TO JÉRUSELEM!

Nicolas: Great choice there! He knew that was the problem of the Oliverrian squad, so he only had to kick the ball far away to reach the keeper.

Christian: Good. Pointy Stick takes the corner. Sends it over to Dosha who... MARQUE!! Great goal there! On a header right in the penalty area!

Nicolas: Wait... I smell a foul there... Hand! Yes, and it's official. Dinkie Dosha touched the ball with her left hand!

Christian: She is furious and attempts to plead to the referee, but it won't work and Webb will be allowed to kick it. Oh wait! Dazza Dallas is furious as well!! Let's try to see what she is trying to say...

*On-field microphone*

Dazza Dallas: Putain de bordel de merde d'arbitre de con. VIENS-T'EN ICI PUTAIN DE SALAUD!! TU VAS EN VOIR DE TOUTES LES COULEURS TOI!

*Back in studio*

Nicolas: As we can see, these are Eauzian-Ariddian curse words there. If you want, I can translate in Oliverrian French...

Christian: No need for that, crisse. Thank you anyway, even if that would have been une hostie de bonne idée. So Webb finally kicks the ball...

*At the 78th minute*

Christian: Babin is on fire!! Watch him run with the ball! Incredible! He doesn't pass it. How is that possible? I guess he was able to pass all the defenders... not yet... Wait, I was wrong... OUI!! IL A ÉTÉ CAPABLE!! He is now in the penalty area. Querry and Labbé are both next to each other, wondering De qu'essé qu'il fait celui la? Babin tire... ET LE BUT!!! PHHIIIILLLIIPPPPEEE BAABBIIINNN!!! What a incredible goal!! And we were wondering what he was doing there... Now, I guess you owe me 100 oliver dollars Nicolas!

Nicolas: No way! I hope they score so that we all lose. Anyway, what a run by Philippe Babin on that play. How did he do that? I am still wondering... But still, the fact to note there is the reaction of the two strikers, Querry and Labbé, who were wondering what he was doing there. Well, Messieux Querry et Labbé, il vient juste de vous donner les devants 2-1.

Christian: I still cannot believe it. The winning goal scored by a defender... I guess Dazza and Jérôme are still shocked by that one. Well, the Oliverrian players seem boosted now and the Jeruselemian ones are simply demoralised... Dosha still passes to Hooney, who is reluctant to go ahead, and I understand him as Labbé simply took him the ball. He advances, while the Jeruselemians try desperately to steal him the ball... Labbé... passes to Vadeboncoeur, who runs to the centre of the pitch. He is now in the area. He shoots... ET LE BUUUTTTT!! VADEBONCOEUR SCORES!! And, in about two minutes, it's now 3-1 for Oliverry. In those two minutes, I also won and lost 100 Oliver dollars.

Nicolas: Ah... ferme la avec ton 100 piastres... The Jéruselem players were simply shocked by that goal and were not playing up to their potential. That with the fact the Oliverrian players were boosted made that Oliverry now leads 3-1.

Christian: And we now see many fans leave the stadium, as they feel the game is simply over. But with 10 minutes to go, I'd do the same... Dosha passes to Hooney[...]

*At the 95th minute*

Christian: Ten seconds left, as Oliverry has a throw-in. Patrick Thomas will take all the time he can to take it back in play. Five seconds. He throws it back in play and the ball reaches Anton Sanschagrin.... l'arbitre siffle la fin du match!! Oliverry has won 3-1! What about this match, Nicolas?

Nicolas: This match was simply brilliant. The scoreline would actually have been 3-3... well, 3-2, as the first goal was simply offside. But the last one seemed a bit harsh, as it was not intentional and the ball would still have headed into the net even if it wouldn't have touched Dosha's arm. But still, Oliverry won and takes a serious option on the first rank of the qualifiers.

Christian: Thank you Nicolas. It's now time for a break. After that, we'll conclude.

*After the break*

Christian: Damn... I wish I could have won these 100 oliver dollars...

Nicolas: I wish that I could have won too... Well, let's get over it now and let's conclude the show.

Christian: Well, it seemed like a nice game anyway. Tons of goals, many disappointed girls, and a team of sissies err... our national team won. So, thank you Nicolas for analysing this game for us. Next qualifier match will be at home as the national squad takes on Lovisa to try to win another game in their still undefeated run in the World Cup Qualifiers.

*Screen fades to this*

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v338/Oli55/teleolifinalscoregame5.jpg

Christian: So, thank you everyone once again for watching this Match de la Coupe du Monde sur TéléOli and see you soon for another match!

Nicolas: Good bye!

THE IMPERIALIST MAGAZINE

The Small Talk Feature

This week - Imperial Squad Coach Professor Theodore Vonmadscientisto

Hello Professor, how's it going?
I'm very good, Small Talk. Vhat vould you like to be knowing?

That's for us to find out. So tell us, what's this about you offering to serve as a consultant for Estresse Intenso?
Vell, it's quite simple, though perhaps you haff been hearing the exagerration, nein? Ahfter the match in the Landau Institute, the doctors, haffing heard that I vas a medical expert in the madness, asked me if I might haff an opinion on some matters that be affecting their patients.

So what did this entail? Recommending that they put An Egg in goal?
Aha, aha. Alvays you are doing the joking, ja? No. Merely some secret medical recommendations of my own devising. I cannot be doing the sharing on this, though I am not sure they were interested in some of my more radical ideas on a final solution to their stress problem.

Should you be helping one of our opponents?
This helping had nothing to do with the football. I assure you it vas purely medical.

But this 1-0 win in the Landau Institute... that must take some of the pressure off, surely?
Yes, though I think many of the fans haff been doing the overreacting, nein? Ve are slightly behind vere ve vant to be at this stage, but ve are certainly not out of the Cup - and that vas a very nice goal by Alan Belmore. I am very happy for him.

Moving on to lighter subjects... What's the last piece of music you bought?
Ah. That vas Vagner's mighty 'Ride of the Valkyries'. Very inspiring, nein?

And your favourite TV show?
That would be the Basil and Theo World Cup Show. They are my lifelong favourites.

Room 101 is empty, you need to fill it: what goes in?
Vhat is this room 101?
[Small talk explains this Ordinary Reality literary concept]
But this is sounding like the room vhere ve keep many of the most interesting psychological experiments! For myself, I would be doing the filling with the unimaginatiff types who do not be doing the understanding of my vital experiments.

But none of us understand your experiments, Professor...
Vell, then, there must be many small minds in the Empire

What's your poison?
Arsenic

No, no, I mean your favourite drink...
I do not be doing the drinking. It makes you mad.

What's the weirdest request you've ever had from a football fan?
[After lengthy consideration] It vas the request to sign a poster of Dazza Dallas' left breast. Who is this Dazza Dallas? And vhy is she be showing everyone her mammary glands? I do not understand.

Can you tell us a joke?
There were these two peanuts, and vone vas assaulted... Assaulted! Do you be getting it? Aha, aha, aha, aha.

And on that note, it's time to go. Thanks for your time, Professor, and good luck with qualification.
Thanks, Small Talk. I will be doing the seeing of you soon!

Turruth Gordur Press Release

From the Desk of Gorgol The Butcher Harad:

With the roars of our supporters still ringing in my ears after every goal scored against Jeru FC, I sent my players onto the pitch of our diminutive Jariss Arena, knowing well that their bloodlust remained insatiable. While the match against the cowards of Jariss—with their bunker-type defensive tactics—did not yield the number of goals I wanted, we made sure that Jariss will never be the same after the game, ripping into their players like a pack of wargs unleashed upon a herd of lambs. Ask them… Ask them what it’s like to wake up the next morning and the only existence you know is pain. That said, I am very proud of our two lethal strikers, Draco Glaurung and Dagor Bragollach, whose goals in the 27th and 69th minutes were enough. Our keeper was a stone wall tonight, whose shutout was his second in the last two matches. We are halfway there! Our dark shadow will soon blot out the sun and the world will know nothing but pain and suffering!

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png [44] Turruth Gordur 2 — 0 Jariss http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/jeru_fc.png
TG: Draco Glaurung (27’), Dagor Bragollach (69’)| JAR: None
Yellow Cards: [TG] Boldog Gothmog (55’) | Red Cards: None
Attendance: 2,500 | Jariss Arena, Jariss City (Jariss)

Match Log
1. Fort Europe 4 – Turruth Gordur 2
• Draco Glaurung (13’)
• Magda the Forsaken (83’)
2. Capitalizt Slani 2 – Turruth Gordur 2
• Dagor Bragollach (33’, 74’)
3. Geisenfried 1 – Turruth Gordur 1
• Draco Glaurung (67’)
4. Turruth Gordur 7 – Jeru FC 0
• Dagor Bragollach (12’, 23’)
• Draco Glaurung (15’, 42’)
• Uglúk Dramborleg (31’)
• Gromper Grîpper (55’)
• Artok Brocas (82’)
5. [u]Turruth Gordur 2 – Jariss 0
• Draco Glaurung (27’)
• Dagor Bragollach (69’)

Goals Scored:
Team: 14, 2.80 GPG
1. Dagor Bragollach – 5
2. Draco Glaurung – 5
3. Magda the Forsaken – 1
4. Uglúk Dramborleg – 1
5. Gromper Grîpper – 1
6. Artok Brocas – 1

Keepers
Gorbag Madril – (2-2-1) GA: 7, SO: 2, GAA: 1.40
Bartholomew Dalison – (0-0-0) GA: 0, SO: 0, GAA: 0.00
Mauhúr Muzgash – (0-0-0) GA: 0, SO: 0, GAA: 0.00

To 황정덕 (Hwaŋ Jūŋ-dūg), Chairman, Aeropag Tribune Media Corporation,

We think you for your kind suggestion. As it is the first suggestion we recieved he will almost certainly be included in the list. Hopefully both of our nations will have better luck in the second half of qualifying as we both sit on five points well out of the qualification standings. We especially feel for you, as our standards our quite low but I'm sure you expected more from these opening matches.

Yours in gratitude,

Stuart_Abdul_Rahim

Jeruselem Government News

Dazza Mum's apologizes for Dazza's temper

Natasha Dallas - the mother of Dazza and Debbie Dallas apologized for her daughter's rather tempestuous temper after dropping a few nasty French words during the "FRENCH" edition of THE FOOTBALL LIFE and during the game.

Dazza's mother said in French
"I'm a Frenchie and her father is sort of Russian. Not a good combination when it comes to having a temper. Normally she's fine and controls her temper but today, she probably lost it. I think getting hit in the head with glass bottle earlier and having the scar wasn't helpful. She's not one to hold back either. Yes, she knows how to swear very well. It was a very sort of crazy game and Dazza does get all emotional so she does get a little carried away with her emotions when things aren't going her way. She takes her job very seriously, and it's actually good for to go off like that once in a while - so after she does she's fine. She doesn't hate Oliverry or refs but she's just frustrated. OK, she doesn't like refs much because she thinks they are Nazis. If Dazza doesn't carry on like spoilt schoolgirl, it's not Dazza."

The Jeruselem FA didn't take any action over Dazza's temper tantrums saying "Dazza's harmless. We know of coaches in the past who hit people when they didn't like what is going so, a small woman swearing in French is well, not much."

Dazza's husband said to the press
"She does it all time. So does Kate ... after they blow up, they calm and down forget it. Unfortunately, she gets horny afterwards which my real problem."

Mikaela Eyre makes her way into the Assegai Developments press room, where several players are milling about, talking to different media outlets. Outside, the echoes of loud roars and chants can be heard from outside Cathedral Park. Mikaela approaches midfielder and team captain Ashley Riot, who is munching on a slice of Snapelicious Pizza.

“Good evening fans of Assegai Developments, I am with Ashley Riot tonight. The team had to battle against a seemingly weaker team tonight in order to earn a 2-1 victory, and inch ever so closer to a spot in the Proper. Ranked No. 118 in Nation States, Veitau really played Assegai tough tonight, Ashley. Your thoughts?” she asks him.

Ashley munches down a bite and clears his throat. “Having dealt out our own dose of major upsets when we were a low-ranked team and having been upset ourselves before by lower ranked teams, we were well aware of Veitau’s threat,” he said. “I mean, we’re talking about a team that’s No. 118 on paper, but has defeated The Holy Empire and drawn with The Archregimancy. We were not about to take them lightly.”

“But, wow, a 2-1 score? That was cutting it close, don’t you think?” she asks him.

“Mos def, Mikaela,” he responds. “What can I say? Their intensity didn’t surprise us as much as that they couldn’t get a goal until the 90th minute. They could’ve scored on us numerous times, but, damn, that defense of ours—and Akihiko in goal—are really something else. Wow!”

Akihiko walks by and slaps Ashley on the back.

“Well, it was another low-scoring game decided by one goal, Ashley. How can the team handle this type of stress?” she asks him.

“Funny you should mention stress,” he says in a more serious tone. “While we were in Estresse Intenso, we were actually able to sneak out and see what’s really going on in that place. I’ll tell you right here, right now, that the stress of a low-scoring Nation States World Cup qualifier is nothing compared to what those poor people have to endure. It certainly put things in perspective. That’s how we were able to handle Veitau tonight. If you remember, we were at our wits ends against Clesmire, and it cost us two points. But, our manager, Zacharius, just kept reminding us to stay focused and complete our tasks.”

“Stephen de Cobham really shone tonight. Why did it take him so long to finally get on the board?” she asks.

“You really should ask him… But it seems he’s already boarded the team bus,” says Ashley looking around for Stephen. “He’s just been having some insecurity issues. It happens to all of us at one time or other. I’m glad he got it together, though, because those two goals he scored tonight were very difficult, but he managed to knock them in.”

“Well, so far so good,” she says. “After stumbling out of the gate against Clesmire, it seemed Assegai was ready to go down, but the team has battled back with a certain stubbornness. That’s very admirable.”

Ashley smiles and chuckles. “Well, thank you,” he says. “We really owe a huge debt of gratitude to our manager Zacharius. We learned a lot from our previous manager, but Zacharius is helping us to focus what we already know and to do so as a unit. Hopefully we can continue with our good run and make the Proper sooner than later so we can give some of our bench players much needed playing time… Heh, listen to me… Why am I even talking about the Proper? I’ll talk about that if we make it that far. We still have a ways to go.”

“Is it true that the team has challenged old nemesis Qazox to a friendly?” she asks him incredulously.

“Yes… yes. That is correct,” he says. “We have never beaten them. We think now is a good a time as ever to change that. However, if they aren’t up for the match, we’ve already decided to spent some free time at Severus Snape’s mansion in Capri, Elves Security Forces.”

“Fair enough,” she says. “Well, we’ve already taken a lot of your time, Ashley…”

“Oh, that’s fine,” he responds.

“Thank you for your time,” she says to him as he turns and leaves. “And thank you, the viewers at home, for tuning in tonight. Once again, the final score is Assegai 2, Veitau 1. Have a great night!”

[31] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 2

[118] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/veitau.png Veitau 1

[AD]
Stephen de Cobham (11’, 73’)

[VEI]
Maniki (90’)

Yellow Cards: None | Red Cards: None
Attendance: 75,000 | Cathedral Park (Leá Monde, Assegai Developments)

Goals Scored:
Team: 7, 1.40 GPG
1. Ashley Riot – 2
2. Stephen de Cobham – 2
3. Samantha Neesa – 1
4. Viktor Krum – 1
5. Fleur Delacour – 1

Keepers
Akihiko Yoshida – (4-1-0) GA: 2, SO: 3, GAA: 0.40
Callo Merlose – (0-0-0) GA: 0, SO: 0, GAA: 0.00
Winnefred Save – (0-0-0) GA: 0, SO: 0, GAA: 0.00

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 1-1 Tynelia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/tynelia.png

“But that’s not right!”

The early stages of the qualifying competition have become the main topic of conversation throughout Ariddia – but for all the wrong reasons. For the third time in five matches, the Rouge-et-Noirs have suffered a draw, putting the defending Champions in a humiliating third place in Group 4. Meanwhile, Green Wombat are somehow cruising through.

The Tynelian team combine strongly defensive playing with fielding five players in forward position, a combination the Ariddians apparently needed some time to get used to. Any attack by the Ariddians was met with a frustratingly good defence, and regularly followed a (usually ineffective) counter-attack, keeping the entire Rouge-et-Noirs team on their toes.

Iol Et’s opening goal in the twenty-eighth minute gave Ariddian supporters some cause for hope, but it was a narrow lead, and the Rouge-et-Noirs were not able to increase it. The Tynelians played ever more defensively, virtually locking their goalcage, with a few precise counter-strikes. That tactic almost came to fruition in the fifty-seventh minute, when a good shot by Tynelia’s Tina Conroy was stopped with an impressive leap by Ariddia’s small goalkeeper Cassie Lee. The inevitable finally occurred in the eighty-seventh minute, when Duncan MacDougal saved Team Tynelia from defeat, slamming the ball past Lee and inflicting yet another draw on the Ariddians. There were groans of disappointment from the home crowd in Darras Olympic Stadium.

A brief, final flicker of hope came to nothing in the ninety-first minute. Ariddian star defender Ke Sho (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ke_Sho) unexpectedly found himself in a position to fire a shot at Tynelia’s goalcage, having defeated keeper Mandy Martin. Sho over-compensated, however, and the ball hit the sidebar. The thirty-three year-old lifted his arms over his face in frustration, just as the rain began to intensify, smudging the traditional Indigenous paint motifs off them. It was a symptomatic end to the match.

“This can’t be right,” one irritated supporter said. “We’ve drawn more matches than we’ve won! Our lads and ladies are supposed to be the best in the world, they’re clearly giving all they can. . . I hope they have some idea what’s going wrong, because I haven’t.”

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MONKS PROTEST AGAINST EASY WIN
Easy Qualification Campaign Feared After Clesmire Crushing

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Monks across the Archregimancy were protesting last night after a crushing 4-1 win against group 11 cellar dwellers Clesmire sent the national team and second seeds straight into the expected second qualifying spot at the halfway stage of the qualification campaign.

"I suspect heresy!" proclaimed a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Life is supposed to be a constant struggle against sin, where daily struggles and humiliation purge the soul and strengthen us as we seek a closer relationship to God. Smashing some bunch of low-ranked heathens 4-1 runs counter to what we know to be God's chosen path for us."

Other monks were said to be less concerned, noting that while suffering was indeed good for the soul, history was littered with occasional magnificent victories against the heathen that cannot be easily explained through a simplistic suffering-oriented theological perspective. Rumours that a meeting of the Holy Synod was to be called to discuss whether football supporters should rejoice or be disappointed at the Clesmire result remain unsubstantiated.

Supporters looking for some good old-fashioned scourging, however, should be reminded that the Archregimancy's next match is away to top ten fellow Dreamed Realmers the Holy Empire.

Gazeta Swilajska
English Version
It's pretty clear that all Swilatian footbal fans want an answer to this: Will Swilatia qualify for the world cup? However, with the kind of group Swilatia is in this time, this question is rather difficult to answer. Currently the team is one spot below qualifying, with the win against western afganhistan, a hardly surprising one, considering it was a bad team that for some reason expected to have an easy match. Did they think we were a BoF team or something.

This made the 4-1 win hardly surprising, with both sides being centred on attack, but only one side having competent strikers. Sure, they could get one goal past us in the Second half at 52 minutes, but it's still too far behind us. Romańska, Dąbrowski, and Rycerski scored us goals in both halves. If we had better defense, the result might have been 4-0. Still, that would not really bring us closer to qualifying, will it. We're already quite close.

Still, you can't really say until the qualifyers end. We will have to go to all those nations again. Wins against Patusan and Western Afganhistan are quite likely. We might be able to win against Cafundeu again, and maybe against FmjPheonix, since the last loss with them was by only 1 goal. Still, it's unknown, and Az-Cz is going to be a loss, since they are the 3rd best team in the entire world cup.

OOC:

Sorry for posting OOC in the IC thread but due to a realisation that the version of Zwang's formula that we are using is an out-dated one.

This wasn't picked up until the results had been called into question in the WCDT. As such there will be no friendlies, and the World Cup will be paused until I can update scorinator...

Scores as current will stand but the new formula will be in place. Sorry for any inconvenience an IC post will be appended to this announcement shortly.

IC:

"This stupid computer's on the fritz!" exclaimed one of the operators of the computer system used by the Bazaclans Hosting Committee.

"Should we call, like technical support?" suggested one of the looker on's

"Nah, it always does this... It'll fix it self in a moment."

And for a moment in did but no ... every computer that was using the Zwangzug World Cup Organisation Software had a fatal error bring up the dreaded Blue Screen of Death.

"Ah... perhaps we should call Technical support now...." suggested the operator..

"Good idea. I've already got them on now..."

"Then how-come you are talking to me?"

"I'm on hold..."

"Ah..."

---

10 minutes later

---

A man strolled into the office with a laptop, and who bunch of computer related goodies... including screwdrivers. "Have you turned it on and off again?"

"Yes.. but it doesn't do anything."

"Define 'Nothing'... Does it display anything at all?"

"I don't know."

"*sigh* Well, I better check it out then..."

A few minutes later he had the system booted up from a CD and running through the partitions on the hard-drive...

"The entire HD has been erased." he said... "I'mm going to have to rebuild it... and has this happened at all to any other computers?"

"No."

"What where you doing? i was just about to do some stats when the system just out up the Blue Screen."

"You where using ZWCOS?"

"Yes."

"What Version?"

"There are different versions?"

"Yes, just like there are different versions of me killing you for being a l-user."

"l-user?"

"You'll work it out..."

"Ah, here we go... You're using the Pre-Alpha version of ZWCOS... no wonder the system's crashed this thing is just a time bomb waiting to go off."

"But ZWCOS is reliable.... The Old Grumpy Fogey's used it and had no problems."

"Yes, but you see they were using the RELEASE version... This version has memory leaks up the Wazoo and doesn't cllose the resources it uses down properly... I'm amazed it's lasted this long. Where did you get it?"

"From it's makers..."

"See that's why idiot distributors should actually know their product... somehow the Pre-Alpha got mized up with the release version and that's the one we got."

...

Soon the message was sent that due to a computer error that the World Cup would have to be on hold for an indefinite amount of time.

"oh, okay... so what can we do about it?"

"Out only option is to hold the World Cup until I can get this system running again with the release version."

"How long is that going to take?"

"Who knows, I gotta file a warrenty request with the distributor's they have to do some checking, then talk with the designers. Come up with a course of action, let us know what's that going to be and then actually do it which will require jumping through a number of really tricky corridoors full of red tape... It's not going to be pretty or easy but... Can I do it? of course. I am the master."

It wasn't long until the news filtered out through the worlds Media outlets... The World Cup was on hold for... a computer bug.