NationStates Jolt Archive

This is the official SOLE WC22 RP thread.

More information on the World Cup here (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup).

Official World Cup 22 Roster thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=410130)
Official World Cup 22 Scores thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=410131)
World Cup :: Discussion Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=293066)
International Domestic Soccer NewsWires (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=288854)
World Cup 21: Cup of Harmony 13 (Winner: Gaian Ascendancy) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=407639&page=2)
Under 21 World Cup 14 (Winner: Starblaydia) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=407707)
Pre-World Cup 22 Baptism of Fire tournament (Winner: Bettia) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=410633)

Avoid OOC, please.

Group Draw
Group 1:
14 Svecia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8635587&postcount=29)
29 Krytenia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8637175&postcount=31)
38 Legalese
69 Funny Looking Islands
85 Oliverry
150 Umphart

Group 2:
9 Crystilakere
45 Haperd
53 Raptor Claw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8613262&postcount=13)
105 Piquantrax
150 Oglethorpia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8690275&postcount=37)
*Harperd team 3, RC team 4, Piquantrax team 5, Ogle team 6. All matches against Melmond will be ignored. Bye days as appropriate against team 2.

Group 3:
3 Bedistan
26 Tadjikistan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8617442&postcount=20)
43 Giant Zucchini (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8618370&postcount=22)
63 Moleland
122 Gregenburg
137 Kazakhstania

Group 4:
17 The Lowland Clans
35 Spurland
36 Nonesuch Street
58 Liamist States (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8657404&postcount=33)
94 Nedalia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8627894&postcount=24)
150 Abysmalistan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8634333&postcount=27)

Group 5:
10 EL CID THE HERO (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8628813&postcount=25)
20 Starblaydia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8612353&postcount=10)
47 Lykaia
75 San Verdi
80 Bettia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8617244&postcount=19)
137 Besaneastan

Group 6:
7 Squornshelous (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8667974&postcount=36)
21 Lovisa (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8617156&postcount=18)
50 Oceaice
54 Kipto-Mare
86 Zanzabarland
150 Liechtenistan

Group 7:
5 Audioslavia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8616494&postcount=17)
34 The Belmore Family
40 Wella
56 Chicanada (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8610929&postcount=9)
79 Rittarstan
150 Black Yellow

Group 8:
15 Sarzonia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8613508&postcount=14)
19 Druida (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8609268&postcount=7)
41 Spaam
78 Murflonia
80 Nova Mercia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8608421&postcount=2)
141 Spirit Nation

Group 9:
4 Rejistania (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8634050&postcount=26)
24 Oaker (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8649706&postcount=32)
39 Kaze Progressa
74 Kingsford (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8613117&postcount=12)
80 Corneliu
126 Stumperia

Group 10:
16 One Red Dot
22 Commerce Heights (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8636511&postcount=30)
51 Finrods
72 Sjwitz
102 Harlesburg
150 Pacitalia

Group 11:
2 Vilita (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8608429&postcount=3)
28 Kylaai
46 Slaikau
55 Gaian Ascendancy (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8613909&postcount=15)
117 Davistand
133 Bestiville (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8657692&postcount=34)

Group 12:
11 Dance 2 Revolution
12 Eauz
30 Fmjphoenix (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8615594&postcount=16)
48 The Weegies (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8667804&postcount=35)
67 Anarquistan
137 Euroslavia

Group 13:
8 Turori (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8617611&postcount=21)
33 Jeruselem (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8608511&postcount=4)
49 Praying2God (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8610244&postcount=8)
66 Bryn Shander
110 Fimble loving peoples
150 Sacred Evil

Group 14:
1 Total n Utter Insanity
23 Nova Britannicus (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8625437&postcount=23)
44 Hiiraan
73 Sliponia
106 Hockey Canada
136 Lennon Marx

Group 15:
6 Cockbill Street (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8609048&postcount=6)
25 Lethislavania
52 Five Civilized Nations
68 Sonaron
150 Sarcodina
134 Aust
*Matches against The Evil Umpire expunged/ignored. All matches from MD4 onward will include Sarcodna, who will replay MDs 1 - 3 (Lethis, CS and Aust) after the conclusion of qualifying.


MD1: 1v6 2v5 3v4
MD2: 5v1 6v3 4v2
MD3: 1v4 2v3 6v5
MD4: 1v3 6v2 5v4
MD5: 2v1 3v5 4v6
MD6-10 are reverse of MD1-5.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/ttov.gif

Vilkauos warns of Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) Threat

Tropics of Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) Coach Helmut Vilkauos today spoke at a press conference outside the capital city of Alikki-Corra, where his team is preparing for the upcoming World Cup 22 Qualifying Campaign.

Taking questions from the media, questioning the teams chances for returning to the glory they achieved in being crowned World Cup 20 Champions, Vilkauos said:

"I feel we have a better chance at making a quick return to the top than most nations. No one will be taking us seriously, as we have never even achieved the number one world ranking, and they will assume we are going to start sliding down the rankings. They do not know that we have some of the best facilities money can buy right here in Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita). We have a huge array of talent in the side, most likely due to the government ban on Baseball, all these kids grew up with the ball at their feet. We've been training hard since the last world cup, and our reserves will be playing in the AOCAF where we expect little competition on the way to the Gold. We are as prepared as we will ever be, and I feel you soon will see that Vilita (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/Vilita) is for real in World Cup XXII."

When asked about the Draw for the finals:

"Like I say, it doesn't much matter who we draw, We are happy to avoid some bogey nations such as Melmond and Starblaydia on one hand, but on the other we relish the test that such high profile teams would bring. We will be looking at each team before each match with only one outlook, and that is to beat them. It's easy when you are old news, because you know the other side think you are a laugh, maybe doesn't field a full strength 11, and you get to run circles around them like it were an overload training session. I think we'll be just fine."


----------------

The Tropics of Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) Jungle Cats will be looking to return to the World Cup title after only recently winning the cup for the first time in World Cup XX. The Jungle Cats are poised to rebuild their reputation and take over the world number one status. Their squad will consist of mostly young stars from the National league, with a few experienced veterans, from the days before baseball was outlawed in the Nation, to guide them on their way to Glory.
------------------

Fmjphoenix drawn into Group 12 looks to improve on solid play last cup

With World Cup XXII right around the corner, its time for the Fmjphoenix Vikings review. Here we look back at all the matches of the previous years and take a look at whats up and coming. First off, lets take a peek at the Vikings records since entry into the World Cup, back from World Cup XVIII.

Baptism of Fire for World Cup XVIII:
MD1: Fmjphoenix 3 - Legalese 2
MD2: Somalialand 0 - Fmjphoenix 1
MD3: Fmjphoenix 1 - Nova Britannicus 0
QF: Fmjphoenix 0 - The Smoking Pits 1


Record: 3-0-1 | GS: 5 | GA: 3


World Cup XVIII:
MD01: Kaze Progressa 5 - Fmjphoenix 1
MD02: Fmjphoenix 1 - Snub Nose 38 1
MD03: Qia 3 - Fmjphoenix 3
MD04: Fmjphoenix 1 - The Eagles Nest 2
MD05: Krytenia 2 - Fmjphoenix 0
MD06: Fmjphoenix 1 - Spurland 1
MD07: Fmjphoenix 2 - Ashibot 0
MD08: Fmjphoenix 0 - Kaze Progressa 2
MD09: Snub Nose 38 1 - Fmjphoenix 2
MD10: Fmjphoenix 1 - Qia 2
MD11: The Eagles Nest 2 - Fmjphoenix 1
MD12: Fmjphoenix 3 - Krytenia 1
MD13: Spurland 2 - Fmjphoenix 1
MD14: Ashibot 0- Fmjphoenix 0


Record: 3-4-7 | GS: 17 | GA: 24


Cup of Harmony X:
MD1: Sarzonia 4 - Fmjphoenix 0
MD2: Fmjphoenix 3 - Legalese 3
MD3: Fmjphoenix 2 - The Gulf States 1
QF: Sarzonia 5 - Fmjphoenix 2


Record: 1-1-2 | GS: 7 | GA: 13


World Cup XIX:
MD01: The Eagles Nest 2 - Fmjphoenix 2
MD02: -Bye-
MD03: One Red Dot 2 - Fmjphoenix 1
MD04: Fmjphoenix 0 - Melmond 6
MD05: Fmjphoenix 4 - Kipto-Mare 0
MD06: Lennon Marx 0 - Fmjphoenix 2
MD07: Fmjphoenix 2 - Phanazia 3
MD08: Fmjphoenix 1 - The Eagles Nest 0
MD09: -Bye-
MD10: Fmjphoenix 0 - One Red Dot 0
MD11: Melmond 2 - Fmjphoenix 0
MD12: Kipto Mare 0 - Fmjphoenix 2
MD13: Fmjphoenix 2 - Lennon Marx 0
MD14: Phanazia 1 - Fmjphoenix 2


Record: 6-2-4 | GS: 18 | GA: 16


Cup of Harmony XI:
MD1: Haperd 0 - Fmjphoenix 1
MD2: -Bye-
MD3: Fmjphoenix 1 - Big Pimento 1
MD4: Kylaai 0 - Fmjphoenix 3
MD5: Lethislavania 1 - Fmjphoenix 0
MD6: Lykaia 3 - Fmjphoenix 0
MD7: Fmjphoenix 2 - Oaker 1


Record: 3-1-2 | GS: 7 | GA: 6


World Cup XX Qualifying:
MD01: Fmjphoenix 4 - Nouveau Richelieu 2
MD02: Haperd 2 - Fmjphoenix 1
MD03: Fmjphoenix 0 - Qia 1
MD04: Ninurta 1 - Fmjphoenix 4
MD05: Sarzonia 3 - Fmjphoenix 2
MD06: Fmjphoenix 0 - Total n Utter Insanity 3
MD07: Bedistan 1 - 2 Fmjphoenix
MD08: Nouveau Richelieu 1 - Fmjphoenix 2
MD09: Fmjphoenix 2 - Haperd 1
MD10: Qia 1 - Fmjphoenix 1
MD11: Fmjphoenix 1 - Ninurta 1
MD12: Fmjphoenix 3 - Sarzonia 2
MD13: Total n Utter Insanity 3 - Fmjphoenix 1
MD14: Fmjphoenix 0 - Bedistan 1


Record: 6-2-6 | GS: 23 | GA: 23


Cup of Harmony XII:
MD1: Fmjphoenix 2 - Five Civilized Nations 1
MD2: Giant Zucchini 0 - Fmjphoenix 1
MD3: Legalese 2 - Fmjphoenix 0
QF: Fmjphoenix 0 - Kylaai 2


Record: 2-0-2 | GF: 3 | GA: 5


World Cup XXI:
MD01: -Bye-
MD02: Five Civilized Nations 2 - Fmjphoenix 2
MD03: Fmjphoenix 1 - Bryn Shander 0
MD04: Nifty Nick - 1 Fmjphoenix 4
MD05: The Belmore Family 2 - Fmjphoenix 2
MD06: Fmjphoenix 1 - Squornshelous 3
MD07: Iansisle 1 - Fmjphoenix 1
MD08: -Bye-
MD09: Fmjphoenix 1 - Five Civilized Nations 0
MD10: Bryn Shander 1 - Fmjphoenix 4
MD11: Fmjphoenix 5 - Nifty Nick 0
MD12: Fmjphoenix 1 - The Belmore Family 0
MD13: Squornshelous 1 - Fmjphoenix 1
MD14: Fmjphoenix 0 - Iansisle 1
SR01: Dance 2 Revolution 1 - Fmjphoenix 0 SR
SR02: Cockbill Street 2 - Fmjphoenix 0 SR
SR03: Bedistan 0 - Fmjphoenix 3 SR


Record: 7-4-4 | GF: 26 | GA: 15

Overall Stats:
| Win: 31 | Draw: 14 | Lose: 28 | Goals For: 106 | Goals Against: 105 |
Biggest Victory: 5-0 over Nifty Nick, World Cup XXI Qualifying
Biggest Defeat: 0-6 by Melmond, World Cup XIX Qualifying
Biggest Upset: 2-1 over Snub Nose 38, World Cup XVIII Qualifying, 50+ rank difference
Longest Win Streak: 4 wins, World Cup XXI Qualifying
Longest Loss Streak: 2 losses, World Cup XXII Second Round

The nest thing to look at is the opponents that the Vikings have to face in the road to qualification. This cup sees Fmjphoenix ranked in its highest ranking spot, 30th. Here is list of opponents in Group 12.

Group 12:
11 Dance 2 Revolution
30 Fmjphoenix
48 The Weegies
67 Anarquistan
98 Totally Useless Liars
137 Euroslavia

Normally, we would put a full length report of match history and thoughts of each squad Fmjphoenix shall play against, but this is a different presentation, as there is almost nothing known about each team the Vikings will play. The only team that the Vikings have any history of is the Revolutionaries of D2R. Fmjphoenix only played them last cup in the secound round for the first time, which was a close match as Dance 2 Revolution narrowly defeated Fmjphoenix 1-0.

This looks like the most promising World Cup entry for Fmjphoenix to date. It will by no means be easy, but the bar has been risen high for the Vikings, as they are being expected to perform well every time, and must show that they are ready to elevate to the next level. To the tier of the top teams in the World.

"You know what the best thing to do now is?" Lord Van Honjiik asked his assisant.

"What?" sighed Nikola Lazerevski over the morning paper and orange juice.

"We suply a record of our results for the other teams to look at!"

"No," Nikola sighed again, "we don't do that, as that would be stupid."

"How come?"

"Well," Nikola replied, "First of all, nobody really gives two shits about our record over the last twenty-eight years. Secondly, are you sure you want to go through and count up the wins, draw, losses, goals for, goals against and anything else that comes to mind from six Qualifying Campaigns, five World Cup Finals and two Cups of Harmony? How about seven AOCAFs or twelve Under-21 Championships? That's just ludicrous. Thirdly, what does it prove? History means bugger-all. Finally, who put you in charge? Oh yes,I remember, you. Now bugger off into the kitchen and get me some ice for this oh-jay.""

Too stunned to do anything other than carry out the request, Lord Rikaard Van Honjiik stood up and went to the kitchen to fetch the ice box. Dropping three cubes into "Laser's" drink, Rikaard sat back down.

"Can I make another suggestion?" Rikaard asked timidly.

"Go ahead."

"We could assess the previous meetings between us and the other teams, maybe?"

"Okay, let's go through them," Nikola said, putting his newspaper on the table, "Bettia. They just won the Baptism of Fire, so no help there.

"Lykaia. Everyone confuses them with Kylaai, or whoever they are, so no help there either, as no-one would be sure who we're talking about.

"Beasaneastan. Who? Exactly. And finally, there's the cross between Charlton Heston and Keifer Sutherland over there, El Cid teh loser They've always had better results than us, while being so much shitter than we are. All sorted, job's a good-un."

"So instead of a who's-who of international football," Rikaard said, "its more of a who?, right?"

Nikola looked at the Minister for Sport for a moment.

"That's quite funny," Nikola admitted, "for you."

Gabalfa Observer: 17th April 2005

BofF Cup Winners Have Tough Task Ahead

The Aroras, fresh from their Baptism of Fire Cup success, have been handed a stern test after being drawn in World Cup Qualifying Group 5, where they are ranked fifth out of six teams.

In a real 'baptism of fire', their opening match is away to Starblaydia, before they host group favourites EL CID THE HERO. They will then travel to Beanestan, before hosting San Verdi and playing at Lykaia. The second half of the qualifying campaign will see these fixtures reversed, with our Aroras finishing with a home match against Lykaia.

When asked what he thought about this draw, manager Ian Atkins replied, "Tough? Pssh, tought isn't the word. This is only our first World Cup so this was expected. With EL CID and Starblaydia in this group, I think the absolute very best we can hope for is a mid-table finish. I won't make any bones about it - we'll be extremely lucky to qualify. I think the lowest ranked team to qualify for the last World Cup were ranked around 36, or something in that general area, so that just gives you the scale of the task lying ahead of us. I just hope our boys will go out and play with the same grit and determination they showed in the Baptism of Fire Cup."


Group 5

EL CID THE HERO (ranked no.10)
Starblaydia (20)
Lykaia (47)
San Verdi (75)
Bettia (80)
Beanestan (137)

Fixtures

MD1: ....Starblaydia vs. Bettia
MD2: .........Bettia vs. EL CID THE HERO
MD3: ......Beanestan vs. Bettia
MD4: .........Bettia vs. San Verdi
MD5: .........Lykaia vs. Bettia
MD6: .........Bettia vs Starblaydia
MD7: EL CID THE HERO vs. Bettia
MD8: .........Bettia vs. Beanestan
MD9: ......San Verdi vs. Bettia
MD10: ........Bettia vs. Lykaia

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Group 2 poised to destroy novice Oglethorpian team

MEGALOPOLIS CITY (BT) - The World Cup 22 groups are set, and here is group 2 as it stands.


Group 2:
9 Crystilakere
27 Melmond
45 Haperd
53 Raptor Claw
105 Piquantrax
150 Oglethorpia

Oglethorpia has had history with both Crystilakere and Melmond, but in a wholly different situation; namely, the Oglethorpian squad (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8690275&postcount=37) being ranked in double digits, not triple digits.

"Yeah, that's new," commented Oglethorpian Association of Football President Joe Staplin. "But we can do it. Maybe."

With the raw numbers out, even Staplin's optimism and "baby steps" plan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8677322&postcount=53) just don't look like they'll work. "So we're hoping for maybe a 2-2-6 record out of this 10 game qualifying stretch. You can hold me to those numbers. They're damn good guesses. I've got money on them. Not to demoralize our team, though."

OAF calculations really have only set the sights on the 4th and 5th seeds; effectively ruling out Oglethorpia's ability to defeat any of the 1st, 2nd or 3rd seeds in the group. "That doesn't happen. We don't want them to be disappointed when they lose, so this way we keep morale up. It's okay to tell them there's a snowball's chance in hell they'll even be close in the second half," said one statistician.

The OAF is actively looking at methods of revitalizing the international football program, with the blow to even the mild optimism of Oglethorpia's return to the World Cup.

Group 4:
17 The Lowland Clans
35 Spurland
36 Nonesuch Street
58 Liamist States
94 Nedalia
150 Abysmalistan


After a somewhat disappointing BoF Cup showing, the Lions will be hoping to make a turnaround in WC 22. A easy job, however, will have to be found elsewhere: Group 4, fittingly, features 4 veteran teams that’ll be looking to put a hurting on the Lions.

“We are ranked 94th, so obviously not too much is expected of us internationally. But no-one has played us in the International Stadium yet, and I’m telling you from now, that’s going to be one of the biggest challenges those so-called experienced teams face.”

As for match tactics, manager Gamman insisted there will be no difference in either the style of play or the line-up featured in the BoF Cup.

“No, there won’t be any changes. I’m confident in my team and trust them fully. The BoF Cup, hopefully, was an isolated incident. It seems like we’ve gotten the inconsistencies out of our system. The Nedalian flamboyancy will feature in all its glory.”

Matchday 1 will feature the Lions flying to Spurland, with Spurland expected to come away with a victory. We shall report on Matchday 1 in a later report. For now, Im NNTV sports broadcaster, Vern Tap.

Street In Group Of No Pain
Honestly, How Can We Get Knocked Out?!

Cockbill Street's g'irgah Christine Andrews, responsible for their magnificent run in Football World Cup 21 that sent them all the way to a third place (and the World Cup honours board), were extremely pleased with the qualifying draw for World Cup 22.

"If we get knocked out of this group, I'll resign," she said on an exclusiver press conference. "There's Lethislavania - one lucky run eight years ago, they don't seem to care any more. Five Civilzed Nations - what'd they ever do?! Win a Baptism of Fire semi and that's about it? Surely we can manage them. Sonaron are dangerous, of course, but we'll beat them nine times out of ten - and as we're only playing them twice, that's two wins there. The Evil Umpire? That's those cheeky sods who always say they'll win and then not? We're not afraid of that. Aust? They were around and lost a lot a few cups ago, right? Honestly, you're not pulling my leg now?"

As you can see, the Streetian coach is rather pleased. However, thers is a syndrome known as overconfidence, and you have to wonder whether the Streetian team doesn't suffer from it. While you wonder, here is the schedule for the Streetian matches:

Matchday 1: Cockbill Street v Aust @ Roegrow Grass Patch
Matchday 2: The Evil Umpire v Cockbill Street @ TBD
Matchday 3: Cockbill Street v Sonaron @ K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh
Matchday 4: Cockbill Street v Five Civilized Nations @ Vimesbairn National Stadium
Matchday 5: Lethislavania v Cockbill Street @ Leninstan Major Arena?
Matchday 6: Aust v Cockbill Street @ TBD
Matchday 7: Cockbill Street v The Evil Umpire @ Jotneheim Park
Matchday 8: Sonaron v Cockbill Street @ TBD
Matchday 9: Five Civilized Nations v Cockbill Street @ TBD
Matchday 10: Cockbill Street v Lethislavania @ Vimesbairn National Stadium

The Weegie Star: Sport Report.
by Jamie Smith

I'm supposed to give you a rundown of how we are supposed to do in this years' World Cup, but it's amazing how times change over a period of time. It's been forty years or more since I pulled on a strip for our side, and the differences are legion. Even the Weegie strip is different, after all. But what's changed most is the teams. The first thing that comes to my mind is - Who the hell are these people? I mean, take a look at our group:


Group 12:
11 Dance 2 Revolution
30 Fmjphoenix
48 The Weegies
67 Anarquistan
98 Totally Useless Liars
137 Euroslavia

I know you're all thinking what I'm thinking. Who? Apart from Dance 2 Revolution (who, of course, weren't bloody eleventh in my day), I have not a single clue of any of these nations teams composition, style of play, even their bloody strips. For God's sake, give me a Liverpool England. Give me a Rejistania. Give me a Starblaydia. Even give me a Belmore Family, I'd know how to work with them, even if it was into a semi-apoplectic fury. But without knowing how these teams work, I can't claim to be an expert. Hell, I can't normally claim that anyway. But at least I could work out how everything would go, at least in my own fevered and diseased imagination. I can't here. I can't show my superior footballing knowledge over all of you casual football fans because I don't have any about this lot.

Actually, I can probably predict how it'll go, since we have depressing inevitability about us. We'll do brilliantly for the first few matches, only to slip up against Euroslavia and end up not qualifying by a point.

Bitter, me?

Jamie Smith was part of the only Weegie World Cup squad ever to reach the Finals.

The Weegie Star: Sport Report.
by Jamie Smith

Give me a Starblaydia... I'd know how to work with them, even if it was into a semi-apoplectic fury.

"Hey," Lord Van Honjiik asked, "what do the Scweegie-bandits know about our football team?"

"You really have no football knowledge whatsoever, do you, Rik?" Nikola "Laser" Lazerevski mocked. "The. Weegies. We played them twice in the Cup of Harmony for World Cup 15."

The picture goes all wavy as the harp plays the classic flashback tune.

"...back when Starblaydia had just failed to get to the World Cup at the first attempt. The sun was shining, the cotton was high, and we played such luminaries as The Lowland Clans, Crystilakere, Turori and Svecia. We managed to play The Weegies twice, somehow, as i recall.

"The first time was a nil-nil draw, but on the return leg we trounced them 1-0 with Simeone Di Braidni's second international goal. SDB and I had both scored to beat Turori the previous match, so we were on a mini-high. Two wins on the trot for us... such great days..."

We return to regular vision.

"Crikey," Rikaard said, "you have a good memory."

"I remember all the thirty-nine games I played in," Nikola frowned, "I bet you remember all yours, too. Oh wait, you never kicked a football in your life. Nevermind."

Cana City Press

Kodiaks Get Group 7, Could Be A Wild Card In Getting In

CANA - The Kodiak National Team prepares for its second go round in the NS World Cup with some higher expectations than last time.

Finishing a respectable if slightly disappointing 5th in their qualifying group during NSWCXXI as well as a disasterous performance during the Cup Of Harmony XIII, Chicanada Football Federation Spokesperson Tom Rhomus said that the new squad (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8610929&postcount=9) must excede their previous stakes in order to become a major player in the international game.

Some do wonder how strained the team might be, as several players are also tied up in Champions Leage/NSFA Cup play and could be a tad tired for their opening match against 40th ranked Wella in Eastentown.

Chicanada enters ranked 56th in the NSWorld, a great accomplishment after one cycle of play but WCXXII Captain Samuel Kleriton of Bishop FC says that facing three excellent squads in Audioslavia, The Belmore Family (who beat Chicanada in CoH play) and Wella "might keep [the Kodiaks] from reaching the knockouts" or the second round.

Group 7:
5 Audioslavia
34 The Belmore Family
40 Wella
56 Chicanada
79 Rittarstan
150 Black Yellow

CFF Analyist Cashman Upiz thinks that the Kodiaks, thanks to Bishop FC, might have enough to squeak past Wella and into the knockout round. This belief is echoed by most betting parlors in Chicanada, where the Kodiaks sit as *3-1 favorites to advance. Most places have Audioslavia at 1-6 and The Belmore Family at 3-5 with Wella just behind the Kodiaks at 4-1. Rittarstan and Black Yellow sit at 35-1 odds for advancement.

In the grand scheme of things, Chicanadan oddsmakers have NS #2 Vilita and #9 Crystalakere as the teams to beat, with each at 1-20 odds with Chicanada sitting in the middle of the pack at 40-1.

Official Schedule for the Kodiak National Team (with venues listed when known)

MD1: Wella (@ Easten National Arena, Eastentown)
MD2: @ The Belmore Family
MD3: Audioslavia (@ TroutCo Field, Cana)
MD4: Rittarstan (@ Narobi Stadia, Mogada)
MD5: @ Black Yellow
MD6: @ Wella
MD7: The Belmore Family (@ Bishop County Stadia, West Finnen)
MD8: @ Audioslavia
MD9: @ Rittarstan
MD10: Black Yellow (@ Ital Memorial Grandstands, Jaxx)

*Chicanada odds are payout-paid. So for every Chicanadan Pence bet on Chicanada, you get 3 back. Or for every 20 you pay for Vilita you get 1 back should they win it all.

We'll do brilliantly for the first few matches, only to slip up against Euroslavia and end up not qualifying by a point.


;) Damn straight.

Euroslavia Prepares for its Second World Cup

After a tough season in the last world cup, the team from Euroslavia is looking to improve upon itself for this upcoming season. The team doesn't expect to create miracles, and somehow win the World Cup, but is only seeking the respect that it deserves, as a competitive team. All of the same players are back from last year, along with two new players, making fresh blood in the team a vital role, as to if the team will cooperate with them in doing the best that they possibly can.

Euroslavia was placed into Group 12, with the rest of these teams:
Group 12:
11 Dance 2 Revolution
30 Fmjphoenix
48 The Weegies
67 Anarquistan
98 Totally Useless Liars
137 Euroslavia

It is obvious that if we only go by statistics, Euroslavia is expected to finish in last place in the Group, but there is so much more involved in the game. Not everything is predictable, and the Euroslav team will be looking to prove everyone wrong.

MD1: 1v6 - Dance 2 Revolution vs. Euroslavia
MD2: 6v3 - Euroslavia vs. The Weegies
MD3: 6v5 - Euroslavia vs. Totally Useless Liars
MD4: 6v2 - Euroslavia vs. Fmjphoenix
MD5: 4v6 - Anarquistan vs. Euroslavia
MD6: 6v1 - Euroslavia vs. Dance 2 Revolution
MD7: 3v6 - The Weegies vs. Euroslavia
MD8: 5v6 - Totally Useless Liars vs. Euroslavia
MD9: 2v6 - Fmjphoenix vs. Euroslavia
MD10: 6v4 - Euroslavia vs. Anarquistan

Just by looking at the schedule, the string of road games is likely to get to the Euroslav teams' nerves, but we can only hope that they can withstand it, and dominate on their home stretch. We'll see what happens. It'll either make or break the young team...

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png
football

Three is a magic number

CCL, Liverpool England -- The group draws for World Cup 22 have taken place at long last, and third-ranked Bedistan find themselves in Group Three.

All right, that's where all the threes end. But we liked the headline.

Actually, the rankings of all the teams contain a multiple of three in them somewhere. Take a look:

Group 3:
3 Bedistan
26 Tadjikistan
43 Giant Zucchini
63 Moleland
122 Gregenburg
137 Kazakhstania

Are we reaching here? Probably. But who cares?

Let's look at a rundown of the teams the Lions* will have to face in the first stage of their quest to become only the third nation in history to retain the World Cup.

Tadjikistan - Seem to have fallen into obscurity lately, but their mid-twenties ranking shows that they're still a pretty decent team.

Previous meetings:
WC14 qualifying, match 5: W 2-1
WC14 qualifying, match 14: W 2-0
WC15 first round, match 1: W 3-2

Giant Zucchini - A nation with a footballing history longer than our own, which not too many can say these days. Once one of the elite, they're now still on the rise again after resurrection.

Previous meetings:
WC8 second round: W 2-0
WC13 first round, match 2: D 1-1
WC14 first round, match 2: D 0-0

Moleland - New to international football. Expect extra security to be on hand at both matches due to fans being highly irate about Bedistani club performances in the Champions' League, hosted in Moleland.

Previous meetings:
None

Gregenburg - Fresh out of the BoF. We know nothing.

Previous meetings:
None

Kazakhstania - See above.

Previous meetings:
None

The BFA has still not yet decided on a squad to be used for this Cup, but we expect that information to arrive very shortly.

* Note to readers in southern Bedistan and elsewhere in the world: we're referring to the Bedistan Lions here, not the Nedalia Lions or the EL CID THE HERO Lions. To make things even more confusing, we share a border with Nedalia, which can cause communication problems down south.

WARRIORS THRILLED AT WC XXII DRAW

The Praying2God Warriors have to be pleased with their draw for WC XXII. They may have only met two of the other five teams in their group before, but they've met the top two teams in the group before and had reasonable success against them. In two meetings with a Jerusalem side ranked higher in WC XX than they are now, and the Warriors being ranked considerably lower than they are now, took 4 out of 6 points from Jerusalem, including a 1-0 upset in Jerusalem in the Warriors return to the WC after a long absence. The Warriors have also seen their group's top-ranked side, Turori before, in WC XXI qualifying and split their two meetings with them. If the Warriors can take care of business against the lower ranked sides, they will be a serious threat to qualify, and to potentially steal the group away from the more heralded sides from Turori and Jerusalem. However, a side to be concerned about is Fimble loving peoples, who being ranked 110th are the same rank the Warriors were in their return to international soccer action in WC XX, when they almost shocked the international football community by qualifying for the WC finals. Here's an overview of all of Group 13 for WC XXII qualifying.


Turori (8th): A very good side, that has been around for several years now. The Warriors have had success against them before, and if they can repeat that success, Turori may have a battle on their hands for the group title. Odds to win the group: 3-1. Odds to qualify: Even.

Jerusalem (33rd): Another pretty good side. They have a history of struggling early in qualifying, which is when the Warriors travel to Jerusalem. Probably one of the most dreaded phrases in Jerusalem is "Thomas Larson shoots from midfield..." Odds to win the group: 10-1. Odds to qualify: 5-1.

Praying2God (49th): This is now our third WC since returning from a long absence due to civil unrest in our nation. We very easily could have qualified in both of our first two attempts, and this might be our last attempt for a while, as there is rumored to be a freezing of time in Praying2God between WC XXII and WC XXIII. Odds to win the group: 12-1. Odds to qualify: 6-1.

Bryn Shander (66th): We don't have a lot of knowledge about this side, except that they are a newer side to WC competition. They are not a serious threat to qualify, so they'll have to be content to try to play the role of spoiler. Odds to win the group: 75-1. Odds to qualify: 40-1.

Fimble loving peoples (110th): Another relative newcomer to WC competition. The history of the Warriors at this rank makes Fimble loving peoples more of a threat than they probably will turn out to be. However, they are the dark horse team in the group. Odds to win the group: 125-1. Odds to qualify: 35-1.

Sacred Evil (150th): No threat what-so-ever. Anything less than six points against this side will be a disappointment. Odds to win the group: 500-1. Odds to qualify: 400-1.

Stars in unfamiliar position

For the first time, the Sarzonian national football team is sitting as the highest-ranked team in its group, finding itself ranked 15th in the world heading into World Cup XXII qualifying. The unprecedented heights have had their effect on Coach Dave Wilson, who has not been his usual jovial self.

"We're facing some quality sides in this group," Wilson said. "We're going in as the team with targets on our backs this time out." He said the team would have to start quickly to ensure qualification.

"We're only playing 10 qualifying matches this time out," Wilson said. "We've got to start out fast and maintain our intensity. We can't have a repeat of World Cup XVI qualifying." The Stars led Group 9 in their World Cup debut with two matches remaining away to the two highest ranked teams in their group. The Stars dropped both matches and saw Tanah Burung slip into the second qualifying position ahead of the Stars.

"Druida is an outstanding football program," Wilson said. "We may have had some success against them, but they have [former] NEWI Cefn Druids among their group and we weren't successful against that country.

"Spaam has been an elite team but that was in the past. They've just been a thorn in everyone's sides lately," Wilson said in uncharacteristically blunt tones. "We'd like nothing better than to see them get their [tails] handed back to them."

"We have some World Cup qualifying history against Murflonia, but that was a few cups ago and that was when they were lower-ranked. We expect them to be a struggle to play against now."

"Nova Mercia and Spirit Nation we don't know much about but we aren't going to take them or anyone for granted."

The team has midfielder Darwin Russell wearing the captain's armband regularly for the first time after forward Brian Wilson wore it previously. Russell wore it in matches when Brian Wilson sat out due to suspensions or injuries.

"It's going to be a challenge to live up to the standards Bri had for the team, but I'll do the best I can," Russell said. "We're going to have to be ready I'm going to have to be extra ready."

THE NEDALIA LIONS

The Nedalia Lions, not to be confused with the Bedistan Lions (who, ironically, share borders with Nedalia) will mark their very first WC Qualifying campaign away from home against Spurland. Manager Randy Gamman has already admitted to not knowing anything about the footballing prowess of his opposition, but that has not deterred him in anyway from preparing for his upcoming matchup.

“Clearly, we will be utilizing the diamond formation again, with Kenneth spearheading the attack right behind Mattan and Yamtech. What we are aware of, however, is that Spurland are ranked 35th in the world, which is no small achievement. And our match will be played there, so the whole thing is an experience in the workings for us. The good thing, however, is that we did get a taste of senior squad football in the BoF Cup, so we shouldn’t consider ourselves novices anymore. That being said, we still have a very long way to before we can even begin to compare to those Bedistani Lions. Did you know that they are actually cousins to the Nedalian lions? Strange isn’t it? You couldn’t tell from a distant, but upclose, you can definitely see that they aren’t of the same breed.”



PROFILE OF THE DAY

Derrell Lynch: The 27 year old Captera FC goalkeeper retains his spot as the first choice GK for the Lions because of his outstanding play in the Nedalia Premier League so far. His only significant blunder in his professional career came during the group stages of the BoF Cup, against FLP, when he gifted them the equalizing goal in a game Nedalia barely won. Captera FC sit 11th in the league, having conceded 21 goals in 10 games, but that is no fault of Lynch, who has done wonders in between the post for the team, but rather a lack of defensive potency. On the match ratings scale, he is averaging a high 7.65, grabbing 3 MotM awards in the 10 professional league games he has featured in. He has also earned 3 international caps for his country, and does not look to be replaced anytime soon.

The scouting report on him is nearly all positive. He is tall, standing at 6’4, but surprisingly nimble and athletic for his size. His ability stopping set pieces and corners are well noted, but his ground game should not be overlooked either. He is solid anyway you want to throw it at him, capable of making a big stop at any given moment. A professional attitude and imposing but calm demeanor only add to the pluses the man possesses. Other than that unconventional blunder vs. FLP, there is no noted weakness. He should be one of the top GK performers of the WC Qualifying campaign, and sure to attract the interest of scouts the universe over.

Marmadukes Prepare To Maraude
Ye Olde Printing Press Newspaper

Prithee, it verily be that time againeth. Thy World Cup is upon us and marry, our finer-than-thou Marmadukes are preparing for thy battle. After falling short of their Cup of Harmony goal, by a single goal (the Marmadukes thank Giant Zucchini with much sarcasm), the Marmadukes will play as if the very fires of hell were threatening their families.

The Marmadukes will wage war against some of the finer teams of World Cup history. Without thy tough grouping the States faced in a previous time, (marry, without Vilita and Lovisa) marry, our chances be good. Prithee, here be our order of play, in thee fourth group for qualifying:

1. Nonesuch Street (36) – Away
2. Spurland (35) – Fairbank
3. The Lowland Clans (17) – Away
4. Nedaliav (94) – Away
5. Abysmalistan (-) – Trenport
6. Nonesuch Street (36) – Adali
7. Spurland (35) – Away
8. The Lowland Clans (17) – City de Liam
9. Nedalia (94) – Mayfair
10. Abysmalistan (-) – Away

Stadia Info
• Mayfair Stadium, Greater Liamist States. The home grounds for Liamist States Premier League and Liamist Club Cup champions Mayfair. Is sure to bring home some brilliant memories for captain Rod Manoni. Capacity: 45 000.
• Adali Football Temple, Adali. A huge pyramidal stadium that is entirely enclosed by what was formerly a Liamist temple. Adali Fanatical calls this home and they have the best home record of any team. This could well be due to the mazelike design, massive pillars and dark lighting that the Fanaticals revel in but many teams seem to fear. Capacity: 55 000.
• LSMC Fairbank Football Grounds, Fairbank. A relatively new stadium, one built with the latest technology and designed by the chicest of architects. A beautiful piece of civil engineering. Capacity: 75 000.
• Trenport Football Fields, Trenport. One of the smaller District stadia, TFF looks like an average suburban football field, which it is. Capacity: 35 000.
• Liam Stadium, City de Liam. The biggest stadium in the Capital and the Liamist States. A classic structure, known throughout the lands for its sheer size and adaptability. Capacity: 120 000.
• Gradburg Worker’s Stadium, Gradburg. An impressive structure that is one of the few entirely iron structures in the Liamist States. It is sure to intimidate even the hardiest of footballers with its hard, dark lines. Capacity: 60 000.

MarmaStat Wanking
Overall
P W D L F A GD
20 11 3 6 39 26 13

Trophies
*Baptism of Fire (Pre-WC21)

Results
**Pre-WC21 Baptism of Fire
*Qualifying (Group 4)
Win (3-0): Danieljoh, South Osettia
Win (2-1): Gaian Ascendancy, South Osettia
Win (5-0): Nify nick, South Osettia
Win (3-0): Krakatou, South Osettia
*Finals (South Osettia)
Win (3-1): Anarquistan, South Osettia
Win (2-2): Naglegrad, South Osettia
Win (3-0): Chicanada, Vilita

**World Cup XXI
*Qualifying (Group 10)
Loss (1-4): Vilita (2), Vilita
Loss (2-3): Oaker (43), Oaker
Loss (1-3): Lovisa (13), Adali
Win (2-1): Gaian Ascendancy (92), Fairbank
Draw (2-2): Evalness (-), Trenport
Loss (0-1): Vilita (2), City de Liam
Loss (0-2): Oaker (43), Gradburg
Win (2-1): Lovisa (13), Lovisa
Draw (1-1): Gaian Ascendancy (92), Gaian Ascendancy
Win (3-0): Evalness (-), Evalness

**Cup of Harmony 13
*Qualifying (Group Blue)
Loss (0-2): Giant Zucchini (43), Rejistania
Draw (1-1): Jeruselem (26), Rejistania
Win (3-1): Oliverry (88), Rejistania

Top Scorers
1. Armand Iziary - 13
2. Hal Bell - 12
3. Christian Dressel - 10
4. Rod Manoni - 3
5. Jackson Eaks - 1

Biggest Win: 5-0 Nifty nick, BoF Group
Biggest Loss: 1-4 Vilita, WC21Q Group

Longest Winning Streak: 7
Longest Losing Streak: 3

Current Rank: 58th
Highest Rank: 58th
Lowest Rank: 75th

http://www.biezanow.net/~dominik/TVLovun/tvlovunsport-football.gif
Very good Drawing

Lovisa will be play in group 6.

Group 6:
7 Squornshelous
21 Lovisa
50 Oceaice
54 Kipto-Mare
86 Zanzabarland
150 Liechtenistan

Squornshelous (7)
Lovisa never before play with Squornshelos. It will be a our debut.

Oceaice (50)
Lovisa never before play with Oceaice too. It will be a our second debut.

Kipto-Mare (54)
Thats amaizing, but Lovisa not play before with Kipto-Mare

Zanzabarland (86)
Lovisa know nothing about this Team

Liechtenistan (150)
And this team we know excellent. we playing with Liechtenistan in European Championships both. This is very good team. Liechtenistan come back for a break to World Cup.

We playing twice with Liechtenistan in WC Qualification and we win twice.

Lovisa 3-0 Liechtenistan -- WC18 Qualification
Liechtenistan 1-3 Lovisa -- WC18 Qualification


Lovisa vs P W D L GF GA GD
Liechtenistan 2 2 0 0 6 1 +5


This WC22 Qualification will be very interesting, because Lovisa play only with one team before. Other matches will be a debut.
A new lovisan coach henryk Kasperczak says: We advance to Final, Only Squornshelous is very strong team, other are good, but we are better. I hope when we go to the final, we playing better then last. Time for show. I am very happy for this drawing, this group is not hard for us. the second position we are guarantee.

Those were the days...

Group 9 is a group of memories for the Orange-Blues and all Rejistanis:

Oaker (ranked 24th): Oaker was always a good opponent, meaning that the Orange-Blues had no problems with defeating them. However they increased their rank and advanced to the quarterfinals in the last cup, so coach Siki Rej warns of underestimating them.

Previous matches:
Rejistania 4 0 Oaker (WC21, QF)

Kaze Progressa (ranked 39): The fan friendship still exists even though the Progressans refuse to care as much about soccer as they used to and the Orange-Blues became more and more defensive over the times of the world cups. The victory against "KP" in the final of WC18 was the last great success of the Orange-Blues. Experts think psychology will win this match.

Previous matches:
Rejistania 2 0 Kaze Progressa (Group stage, WC16)
Kaze Progressa 3 4 Rejistania (Round of 16, WC17)
Rejistania 4 3 Kaze Progressa (final of WC18)

Kingsford (ranked 74): Be honest, no one likes these Kingsforders except maybe the sellers of gay porn. Their hypocrisy and pretending to be holier than thou while insulting any single being under the sun made them hated by most nations. The Rejistanis hope to trash them because the Gonorhea incident in World cup 14 is not forgotten.

Previous matches:
Kingsford 1 0 Rejistania (final of WC14)

Corneliu (ranked 80): is a a typical 'Who?' of international football. They advanced into the final of the Baptism of Fire tournament only to be defeated by the first real opponent 0:7.

Previous matches:
none

Stumperia (ranked 126): They are like Oaker seeing that all Stumps have to share one last name, more is not known about them.

Previous matches:
none

Group 9:
4 Rejistania
24 Oaker
39 Kaze Progressa
74 Kingsford
80 Corneliu
126 Stumperia

Jeruselem Government News

Oh, not them again ... and that 13 number again

Yes, it's World Cup time again and Jeruselem are back despite being bounced out of the group stage in a playoff. The qualifying groups have been drawn and we are ready to rock on.

Group 13:
8 Turori
33 Jeruselem
49 Praying2God
66 Bryn Shander
110 Fimble loving peoples
150 Sacred Evil

Looking at Group, yes XIII, it is XIII. No we're not joking.

Turori -
Always there, and always tough to beat. An opponent to fear.

Jeruselem - That's us, OK.

Praying2God -
A team which have always caused Jeruselem trouble in any tournament. However we are higher ranked so it seems P2G are on the slide so can we beat the bogey team?

Bryn Shander -
The lucky Irish! or we think so. Don't know much about them.

Fimble loving peoples -
We meet them in the U21s and won. At 110th, if we lose against them, we don't deserve to quality. However they have our respect.

Sacred Evil -
No idea, but they sound evil although their soccer might be evilly amatuerish.

The top 3 should be well Turori, Jeruselem and Praying2God. The Shanders can do it but the top 3 have real experience in fighting it out.

Oh yes, no Iansisle or Giant Zucchinis to stalk us from the past. Still P2G, are the ones we must face up to.

Best Britannican Side in Years?
"Powers' Army" look to topple Insanicans

Four years ago, the Bluebirds overcame the great Audioslavia to finish top of Group 4 and go to the World Cup in Cockbill Street and Lethislavania in style. There they promptly lost to Audioslavia, but that was only after a nine-game unbeaten run in the Qualifiers.

That team prided itself on its defence, but this time its the attack that should really light up Nova Britannicus' play. Jones, La Salle, Pompey and Fletcher can easily run riot over any team on their day, while Rick Powers backed up by Eddie Johnson and Billy-Joe Ximbod are sure to be difficult to breach.

Now we have the full Group Rundown and Britannican match schedule

Group 14:
Total n Utter Insanity (1)
Nova Britannicus (23)
Hiiraan (44)
Sliponia (73)
Hockey Canada (106)
Lennon Marx (136)

Game 1 & 6: Hockey Canada:

Who? Precisely. As we're not playing on ice, the Hockey Canadians should be devoured like so much clubbed seal.

Game 2 & 7: Sliponia

No slip-ups here, we hope.

Game 3 & 8: Hiiraan

Some of the loudest players in the game have been relatively quiet of late, and the Hiiraaniaaninnaanians should provide the sternest challenge for Nova Britannicus to claim one of the other top two spots not taken by the Insanicans.

Game 4 & 9: Lennonx Marx

Some kind of musical communists, we assume. Otherwise, we're stumped.

Game 5 & 10: Total n Utter Insanity

The Insanicans we know, however. Meetings in the Qualifiers of World Cup 19 as well as the Finals of World cup 20 have shown the Bluebirds that beating this team is possible, despite them being the best in the world. If the Bluebirds need a result away to the Insanicans on the final matchday, don't expect them to get one.

Britannican Match Schedule:
Home/Away Opponent Venue
H Hockey Canada Foxchester Dome, Foxchester
A Sliponia TBA
H Hiiraan Roverdome, Tuncastle
A Lennon Marx TBA
H Total n Utter Insanity Bayside Stadium, Montepool
A Hockey Canada TBA
H Sliponia Beverington Stadium, Beverington
A Hiiraan TBA
H Lennon Marx Ironclad Stadium, Widdrington
A Total n Utter Insanity TBA


So, with only having faced one of the five other teams in this group, Nova Britannicus will be writing new nations into their history books whatever happens.

The Daily Druid

WORLD CUP RETURNS
Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po celebrates.

After what feels like an eternity since the start of the last World Cup qualifying campaign (was it really only four years ago?), Druida will soon be back in World Cup qualifying action again as the draw has been made in Liverpool England. Here's who were up against, and the Druidish Lands' records against them.

Group 8:
Sarzonia (15)

AOCAF2 NEWI Cefn Druids 2-0 Sarzonia
AOCAF2 Sarzonia 0-1 NEWI Cefn Druids
AOCAF3 NEWI Cefn Druids 4-1 Sarzonia
TEC4 NEWI Cefn Druids 3-0 Sarzonia
TEC4 Sarzonia 1-1 NEWI Cefn Druids
AOCAF5 Sarzonia 5-1 Druida
AOCAF5 Druida 0-2 Sarzonia
AOCAF5 NEWI Cefn Druids 2-0 Sarzonia

There's plenty of history between Druids and Sarzonia, though none of it has come in World Cup play. Actually against Druida, the Stars have a 100% record, but that was back in the day when Druida was just an pokey little place next to NEWI Cefn Druids. Now the two are ranked a lot closer, the games between the pair of them should prove interesting.

Spaam (41)

Looking through the record books, Druida (or NEWI Cefn Druids or Flexsys Cefn Druids or any other Druids for that matter) have never played Spaam (or East Spaam or United Spaam or any other Spaam for that matter). However, relations between the two seem to have been alright since Druidish scientists revealed that the Spaamian outbreak of verbal diarr... dior... the verbal squits during World Cup 12 qualifying was, indeed, not. They were promptly sacked and sent to watch NEWI Cefn Druids for three games (punishment enough for anyone back then.)

Murflonia (78)

Never heard of 'em, so probably the new Naglegrad, and where are they now, eh? Not that we're still bitter or anything.

Nova Mercia (80)

Nova Mercia are our regionmates in Atlantian Oceania (aren't half the teams in this thing nowadays?). They had a good run in hte Baptism of Fire tournament, but the last couple of cups have shown a big gap between doing well there and actually making the cup finals. Though some pokey little place next to NEWI Cefn Druids did it once, so perhaps this pokey little place next to Krytenia could do the same.

Spirit Nation (141)

The group whipping boys, see Hash n Beans, Holy India, NEWI Cefn Druids etc. The only question is which type of spirit they are - the ghostly, in which case we're not scared as Druidans don't believe in ghosts, or alcoholic, in which case, hooray! We've landed on our feet here boys!

Will we qualify? I don't care, we're going to a nation based solely on whiskey and liqueur! Hooray! Did I say that before? Balls to it, I'll say it again! HOORAY!

Hockey Canadians undaunted by group. 106th place might win.

Group 14:
1 Total n Utter Insanity
23 Nova Britannicus
44 Hiiraan
73 Sliponia
106 Hockey Canada
136 Lennon Marx

Hockey Canada is cheering because they were actually ahead of one team when the groups were drawn. With World Cup winner Total n Utter Insanity in their group, Hockey canada will try to put a dent in their plans for a repeat. Nova Britannicus will pose a major threat to winning the group as will Hiiraan. Sliponia will be the dark horse in the group hoping to get in to the next round. Hockey Canada and Lennon Marx will hope for the best as they go out.

Total n Utter Insanity: The World Cup winners should make it past this round. They'll probably make a back-to-back cup run. We'll eb lucky to keep within 3 goals. But since we're a really good defensive team we think it can be too. Yeah right!

Nova Britannicus: This team should make it too, we're expecting a slaughter... for them. We don't want any controversial 106th place team beating 23rd place team. But we're just hoping for the best. They don't even know our names... but not many arctic nations go for the World Cup.

44 Hiiraan: Loud players should make a loud impact in this group. They're a good challenge for any team and won't go down without a fight. Watch and wait for them to get in.

73 Sliponia: Call Hockey Canadians crazy, but we think they'll make it in. They'll slip under most teams' radar and make a big game count. They're the dark horse in the group (in Hockey Canada's point of view). We play on ice, so we don't think we'll slip.

106 Hockey Canada: Little self-centred eh?!

136 Lennon Marx: We actually have a fighting chance against these guys. But an even more interesting game will be when Total n Utter Insanity plays them. But don't underestimate them. The "Miracle On Ice" may become the "Miracle On Grass".

Wr're just hoping for the best. If we qualify we qualify. As for now we have a game to get ready for. Next stop: Nova Britannicus.

Predicted score:

Nova Britannicus- 2
Hockey Canada- 0

Vikings prepare for first match against Totally Useless Liars

Coach GQ, as they players call him, has been preparing the Vikings hard since coming over from Turori. He has been helping the Vikings continue their focus on a highly explosive scoring offense. With his great playing and coaching expierence, he has changed the mentality of quite a few younger players. He has already gotten the team to work out with more dedication and has stated that he coaches by how much effort you put out, not how good you are. If the players are not giving their all, he is going to bench them for someone else who is going to play their hardest. His mentality is wearing off on the players, and they have been running out their hardest during practices and drills. He was quoted saying that the Vikings has a great core of young players, and should continue their rise into a top team in the World soon.

The team has been getting ready to play. There has been a few changes in the roster since it has been finalized. The most notable is Larry Brown's conversion to a midfielder. He has given up his spot as a forward to play midfield, a position the GQ feels that Larry will be more suited for. Last World Cup Larry showed that he has superior passing skills, skills that surpass his scoring ability. With Brown moving over to midfielder, that has changed this lineup signifigantyly. Shelly Berry and Dave Daniels have both been moved into the starting eleven at forward with Brown replacing Devin McBall in the midfielder position. Here is the starting eleven released for matchday 1 against Totally Useless Liars.

Starting Linup
GK: Powell Lamar
DF: Bobby Bash
DF: Aaron Chapman
DF: Wei Zeng
MF: Jason Mitchell
MF: Quinten Bell
MF: Larry Brown
FW: Jorge Mendel
FW: Mike Nolan
FW: Shelly Berry
FW: Dave Daniels

Fmjphoenix World Cup XXII Qualification:
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs Totally Useless Liars
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Anarquistan
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs The Weegies
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Euroslavia
MD05: Fmjphoenix vs Dance 2 Revolution
MD06: Fmjphoenix @ Totally Useless Liars
MD07: Fmjphoenix vs Anarquistan
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ The Weegies
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Euroslavia
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Dance 2 Revolution

Note: All home matches will be playing in Viking Grand Stadium in Vanguard, Fmjphoenix. The spacious Stadium setas approx. 85,000.

Total n Utter Insanity: The World Cup winners should make it past this round. They'll probably make a back-to-back cup run. We'll eb lucky to keep within 3 goals. But since we're a really good defensive team we think it can be too. Yeah right!

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football

Insanicians win World Cup, nobody notices

HOCKEY CANADA -- A recent newspaper report from Hockey Canada has revealed that Total n Utter Insanity are the current holders of the World Cup. This has come as a surprise to sports fans all over the world and particularly here in Bedistan.

"I saw the final match," said Los Triesto resident Reginald Phillips. "And I saw the [Bedistan] Lions beat TnUI 5-3 on penalties. And I know I hadn't taken any hallucinogenic drugs within eighteen hours before the match, so I definitely had my head on straight. TnUI didn't win World Cup 21, and they haven't won one before that either. They've been winless longer than even Audioslavia."

Bedistan Football Association president Sam Bacon's secretary, Rea, took this reporter to the official trophy case. "Yep, it's right there," she said. "The World Cup itself. With all the winners engraved on the side, and the nation name 'Bedistan' in the slot for World Cup 21."

So how did this report come about? We're guessing it's probably because TnUI are (somehow) the #1-ranked team in the world. Prior to somewhere around World Cup 10 (we can't even remember that far back anymore), that would have indeed meant that they were the defending champions. But with the KPB system implemented around that time, that is no longer necessarily the case, and we've seen defending champions ranked as low as 5th or so. Bedistan, who as far as we are aware are the current champions, are officially ranked 3rd in the world.

[OOC: Sorry, just had to take a stab at that. No hard feelings, eh? ;)]

Hockey Canada News

Hockey Canada will carry a song and 2 chants with them into their games.

I know this place is where I am,
No other place is better then.
No matter where I go I am,
Proud to be Hockey Canadian!

I am, you know I am, I am Hockey Canadian!
I am, you know I am, I am Hockey Canadian!

I love this country where I am,
This land is where I make my stand.
No other heart is truer then,
The one we call Hockey Canadian!

Saying, I am, you know (you know I am), I am Hockey Canadian (you know I am)
I am, you know I am (you know I am), I am Hockey Canadian.
I AM HOCKEY CANADIAN!

The second is more of a speech. It was made my Joe Schmo at a conference today.

I'm not a lumberjack or a fur trader.
I don't live in an igloo, eat blubber or own a dogsled.
And i don't know Jimmy, Sally or Susie from Canada,
but I'm sure they're really, really nice.

I have a Prime Minister, not a President.
I speak English and French, not American.
And I pronounce it "about" not "aboot".
I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack.

I believe in peacekeeping not policing.
Diversity, not assimilation.
And that the wolf is a truly pround and noble animal.

A touque is a hat!
A chesterfield is a couch!
It's pronounced Zed! Not Zee! Zed!

Hockey Canada is one of the world's largest landmasses.
The first nation of hockey,
and the second-best part of Lancre!

My name is Joe!
I AM HOCKEY CANADIAN!
Thank you.

A few French-Canadian supporters were also seen outside the hotel lead by Guy LaFlamme.

I'm not unemployed or smuggling cigarette across da border.
I do not eat Pepsi or cereal for breakfast.
I don't watch the hockey game doing it ****** style,
no... I don't know Claude, Manon and Francois in Habitent-Lyroque,
but I'm sure they all have nice teeth.

I smoke in church,
I speak Kebecois en Joile, not French English.
I pronounce it "Turd" not "Third"
And eating french-fries with cheese makes sense mon aussi.

I believe in the state-society,
but as long as someone else pays for it.
I believe in language police,
not equal rights.

I also believe that club de supersexi
is not an appropriate place for me and my wife to go on our aniversay. (what the hell, she goes there every night at 10)
In Oliverry (our friend who we want to join,
The Cherry Cup comes around more than Halley's comet.

I can get beer at the "depenere",
not the supermarket.
Maybe I can't turn right on a red light,
but I can sure as hell go right through it.

Because Hockey Canada,
is the world's largest producer of frostbite.
The home of that guy who streaks,
AND whats-his-face.

The land where everyone is slimming down,
and "Illegal drinking age" is just a suggestion.
Je m'appelle Guy,
and I am so damn Hockey Canadian I need another drink.

We hope these will inspire our team to glory.

[OOC: Sorry, just had to take a stab at that. No hard feelings, eh? ;)]

OOC: No prob... at least you take things lighter than other people on here. Hope you find the song and chants mildly entertaining. Congrats on winning BTW ;)

Like how you added "eh". Feels like home.

Praying2God -
A team which have always caused Jeruselem trouble in any tournament. However we are higher ranked so it seems P2G are on the slide so can we beat the bogey team?


PRAYING2GOD SOCCER ASSOCIATION BAFFLED BY JERUSELEMIAN WC PREVIEW

The Praying2God Soccer Association told the media yesterday that they are confused as to how a team that has improved from 110 to 63 to 49 can be considered "on the slide" as a Jeruselemian publication put it in a recent WC XXII preview issue. "We don't understand where Jeruselem gets that we're on a downward trend. We'll just have to prove to them on the field that we're not as bad as they claim we are," a board member told the media in a statement released yesterday. "I realize that they're probably still bitter about WC XX, but that's no excuse for skewing statistics that badly."

THE LIONS PROFILE OF THE DAY:

Cole Zenith

Born in the Bronkstone neighborhood of Kafra, Zenith is a homegrown talent for the squad. Although some may say that at 29, he will soon begin his dwindle into the twilight of his career, he certainly shows no signs of it yet.

Currently 29 years of age, he was born in Kafra and never strayed too far from home. He claims to have been outside of Kafra only 6 times before the Premier League’s inaugural season. Born to a carpenter, Zenith was taught at a young age to work hard and never take no for answer, which is where he gets his undying determination and will from.

Signed by Bronkstone for the Nedalia Premier League inaugural season in 2 AFN, it quickly became obvious that he was the best defender in the country, and Lions’ manager Randy Gamman wasted no time in naming him his captain for the senior squad. He was one of the top defenders for the Lions’ Baptism of Fire campaign, leading the team with dignity and pride.

The central defender has been outstanding in Season One of the Nedalia Premier League, averaging a staggering 7.80 rating through 10 games, collecting 3 Man of the Match awards. Opposing forwards have continuously called him the hardest defender they have to deal with, and his imposing figure strikes fear into the heart of offensive players everywhere.

~ Once more into the breech, dear friends.. ~

GANN Sports Desk: ~ It does 'not' get any better than this, international football wise that is. With this edition of the next round of the series of this glorious and historic Cup, comes our own returning Cup of Harmony XIII Champions, this time looking for more of those fleeting and infinite glories.

Group 11:
2 Vilita
28 Kylaai
46 Slaikau
55 Gaian Ascendancy
117 Davistand
133 Bestiville

This time with a jump of seven rankings, comes with it a host of new foes, and one already well known one. Of the teams present, the Seraphims wont look past Slaikau or Kylaai. But since the Seraphims defeated the previously 16th ranked Melmonds for the CoH Cup, they do not see those teams as anywhere near insurmountable. Davistand and Bestiville in their first WC will be seen as strong opponents, and won't forget where they started at rank wise before their first World Cup.

But the eye is on Vilita, with a serious score to try and settle, as their first World Cup ran head long into them, being defeated soundly twice in WCXXI - Group 10 play.


WCXXI - Group X
MD02 - L
Gaian Ascendancy v. Vilita (0 - 2)
MD09 - L
Vilita v. Gaian Ascendancy (3 - 1)


If they hope to go further this time, the spirit of the team must be high when they meet Vilita twice more. But again thanks to CoH XIII, they flat out can't see any team as undefeatable. That makes the Seraphims a vicious team to face.

The team after surviving a tough off season, what with their DropShip accident, and then the friendly match cancellation due to an actual mech battle just prior to the match, now are actually relieved it is time to play once more. The day before they left, the spent a last day at their favored Shinto Shrine to make a day of prayers, both for the fortunes of their team, and for the fortunes of all teams, with words to hope against a repeat of the Pimento national team withdrawl and subsuquent dissolution of sovereingty.

With them were several Angelics and a good number of fan supporters, of whom the latter were quite honoest in their prayers to the same regards.

"I just want to see great matches. Not see tragedies and mistakes. Let's have a smooth World Cup this time around. I don't care if we lose alot, if it more means good play.

..course if we win it all, I'll.. *rest censored due to content* ..and that's that."

...defering to, um, fandom spirit, the team then prepared to board their transport to head to Slaikau for their first match.


Gaian Ascendancy WCXXI Schedule

Group 11:
MD1
Slaikau v. Gaian Ascendancy
MD2
Gaian Ascendancy v. Kylaai
MD3
Vilita v. Gaian Ascendancy
MD4
Davistand v. Gaian Ascendancy
MD5
Gaian Ascendancy v. Bestiville
MD6
Gaian Ascendancy v. Slaikau
MD7
Kylaai v. Gaian Ascendancy
MD8
Gaian Ascendancy v. Vilita
MD9
Gaian Ascendancy v. Davistand
MD10
Bestiville v. Gaian Ascendancy


The schedule as you cxan see is a nonstop ten day run for the knockout rounds, and the response to this was direct by National Team Coach Katya Kerensky...

"The schedule? Well........... *kracking her knuckles deliberately unladylike* ....we can play that too. Let's see who can keep up in the long run."

She also commented on seeing Liamist in another group and missing a chance at rematches with them for now. She only commented. "We still have Vilita. And we 'can' get through to the next round. Who knows what can happen 'then'."

Commenting on her teams shape and form. "We got shaken up by that accident, and then that wierd battle just before a match. We got reminded 'what' we are really playing for, and what our fans have to deal with daily. It's for them we dedicate this Cup run to. We already dedicated the last Cup to the new teams, and now they are here. It's time fir us now to look to our own belishments.

Personally, I love the CoH trophy, but there's 'better' Cup out there to nab. Our team is in good shape and our form is as sharp and unified we can make it.

Ian Andersen is getting really experienced now, and his leadership is really pulling the team along. Kelse Howe just the other day in our last friendly prepatory punched at least two ball away on blocks, and those balls had to be replaced due to their seams being ripped open and the air blown out. Russel Issac is really been concentrating on getting the midfield to act in unison rather than be like other teams and simply go after the ball.

As for me, I got some of my patented tricks to still use.

I really think we have some new suprises to show this time around. And 'no one' is safe as far as I'm concerned."


~ World Cup 21

Group 10:
MD01 - L
Lovisa v. Gaian Ascendancy (2 - 0)
MD02 - L
Gaian Ascendancy v. Vilita (0 - 2)
MD03 - D (Nullified by Pimento withdrawl)
Big Pimento v. Gaian Ascendancy (0 - 0)
MD04 - W
Gaian Ascendancy v. Oaker (3 - 1)
MD05 - L
Liamist States v. Gaian Ascendancy (2 - 1)
MD06 -W
Evalness v. Gaian Ascendancy (0 - 2)
MD07 - Day Off
MD08 - L
Gaian Ascendancy v. Lovisa (0 - 5)
MD09 - L
Vilita v. Gaian Ascendancy (3 - 1)
MD10 - W (replacement friendly match)
Gaian Ascendancy v. Vilita U20 (3 - 0)
MD11 - L
Oaker v. Gaian Ascendancy (2 - 0)
MD12 - D
Gaian Ascendancy v. Liamist States (1 - 1)
MD13 - W
Gaian Ascendancy v. Evalness (2 - 0)
MD14
End of Regulation Matches

~ Cup of Harmony XIII

Group Friendlies:
FD1 - D (Friendly)
Oliverry v. Gaian Ascendancy (1 - 1)
FD2 - L (Friendly)
Giant Zucchini v. Gaian Ascendancy (5 - 0)

Group Red:
MD1 - L (@Binchensburg Coliseum)
The Belmore Family v. Gaian Ascendancy (5 - 1)
MD2 - W (@John Murphy Field)
Praying2God v. Gaian Ascendancy (0 - 1)
MD3 - D (@Binchensburg Coliseum)
Raptor Claw v. Gaian Ascendancy (1 - 1)
Quarterfinals - W (@Nicholson Memorial Pitch)
Legalese v. Gaian Ascendancy (1 - 1) (1 - 3 on Penalties)
Semifinals - W (@The Castle)
Gaian Ascendancy v. The Belmore Family (2 - 2) (3 - 2 on Penalties)
Finals - W (@Estadije KaMaRi Kaletri)
Gaian Ascendancy v. Melmond (1 - 0)


~ World Cup 21 Record:
Team: P W D L F:A GD Po
Gaian Ascendancy 10 3 1 6 10:18 -8 10

~ Cup of Harmony XIII:
Team: P W D L F:A GD Po
Gaian Ascendancy 6 4 1 1 13:12 +1 13

~ National Team Overall Record:
Team: P W D L F:A GD Po
Gaian Ascendancy 24 11 3 10 36:41 -5 33


As can be seen, the team has much to still improve upon, but this time they have a thick tome's amount of experience to draw upon, and should do very well this time. This time the holy wrath comes with no breakwater, and the Seraphims are riding that wave of wrath into Group 11, and with eyes even further this time than ever before.

"Might want to check those undies when we come into town folks." ..one rabid Seraphim fan commented.

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'Slaves Drawn With Spiorad Saor Rivals
Romanov 'Quietly Confident' Of Progression

Just seven months ago, Audioslavia and The Belmore Family broke away from their old Alliance of Socialist States region and formed the region of Spiorad Saors (or 'free spirits' in Audioslavian gaelic). In a little over a month, the two allies will line up on different sides of the battlefield as they both go for qualification to World Cup 22.

After the draw, we spoke to Audioslavian manager Didi Romanov, who gave his views on ours, and everyone else's chances in group seven.

World Cup Qualifying, Group 7
5 Audioslavia
34 The Belmore Family
40 Wella
56 Chicanada
79 Rittarstan
150 Black Yellow

"The 'slaves have got as good a chance as they usually have, as usual we have statistically the better side but we all know how we're prone to slip up from time to time. I'd have to predict us to be top, theres a big gulf between us and TBF and if we put on professional performances then we should'nt have any trouble."

"TBF should give us a good game, they've got a better record against us but they aren't the side they used to be, not that that matters in derby games. Expect a huge atmosphere in both games, but the 'slaves to sneak four points from them"

"Wella are always annoyingly better at football than is really convenient. If you don't bring your 'A' game then they'll just grind you down and beat you. We should get another four to six points."

"Chicanda are a evolving into a killer side, definately more dangerous than the ones that flopped in the last World Cup and Cup of Harmony. They've got some excellent players in the likes of Bastian and Loeri, but i'd be disappointed if we didn't take at least three points from the two games. Chicanda's stallions are the group's dark horses and i reckon they'll definately trouble Wella and TBF for qualification."

"You can't say too much about Rittarstan, except that the 'slaves should really be able to beat them. Black Yellow are an unknown quantity, we'll see how it goes".

So there you have it, Didi Romanov upbeat and not expecting to be beaten by anyone. We at bop.aud don't agree too much, and are expecting the 'slaves to come croppers a few times, probably against Chicanda, maybe against TBF. Either way, we'll be giving you the best news, first, at Bulls On Parade.

Oh yeah, and here's some stats.

Audioslavia's Football Statistics

World Cup 4
Qualifying
W4-2 Enelando
L1-2 Alhana Catherine
W3-2 Dyelibeybi
L1-2 Lemmitania
W3-1 Divine Llama
L0-1 Lunatic Goofballs

Finals
D3-3 Kingsford
W2-1 Jurrasica
D1-1 Europa Brittania
D1-1 Lemmitania (D1-1AET L2-3PEN)

P W D L F A
10 4 2 4 19 16

World Cup 5
Qualifiers
L0-4 Squornshelous
L0-3 One Red Dot
L0-1 Hendland
W4-0 Halfassedstates
W3-2 Caras Sidh
W2-1 Dark Outcasts
D1-1 Christofi
L1-2 Moyk

P W D L F A
8 3 1 4 11 14

World Cup 6
Qualifying
W2-0 Great White Sharks
D3-3 _AMP
W4-3 Porvoo
W4-1 Jay Cutter
W3-2 Cobra Cult
W6-0 Iuthia
D1-1 Starving Children
W2-1 Great White Sharks
D1-1 _AMP
W1-0 Porvoo
L2-3 Jay Cutter
D1-1 Cobra Cult
W2-0 Iuthia
L2-3 Starving Children

Finals
L0-3 Spaam
D1-1 Lemmitania
W2-1 Cobra Cult

P W D L F A
17 9 5 3 37 24

World Cup VII
Finals
L3-4 Malundar
W3-1 Liverpool England
W1-0 Kingsford
L2-4 Errinundera (AET)

P W D L F A
4 2 0 2 9 9

World Cup VIII
Qualifiers
W4-0 Sycoes
L1-2 Black Eagle Corps.
W2-1 Voyger
W2-0 Demonic Beings
D1-1 Quohog
D1-1 Sycoes
D0-0 Black Eagle Corps
D2-2 Voyger
D0-0 Demonic Beings
D1-1 Quohog

Finals
L1-2 Halfassedstates
L2-3 The Belmore Family
W3-1 Bullonien

P W D L F A
13 4 6 3 20 14

World Cup IX
Qualifiers
W2-0 Clearwater
L0-2 Lanky Dude
D1-1 Sensual Products
L0-1 East Spaam
D0-0 Timway
L0-1 Aquilla
W2-0 Spaam
W3-1 Clearwater
W3-1 Lanky Dude
W1-0 Sensual Products
W2-0 East Spaam
W3-2 Timway
D0-0 Aquilla
L0-1 Spaam

Finals
L1-2 The Belmore Family
D1-1 Oglethorpia
W1-0 Nikea

P W D L F A
17 8 4 5 20 13

World Cup 10
Qualifiers
W2-1 Svecia
W3-0 Dauragons
L1-2 Zinkoland
W3-0 Citta Acqua
L1-2 Dragonian Empire
W2-0 Davii
L0-1 Clearwater
W3-1 Ravenspire
W1-0 Svecia
W3-0 Dauragons
L2-3 Zinkoland
W2-0 Citta Acqua
W2-1 Dragonian Empire
W3-1 Davii
L0-1 Clearwater
D1-1 Ravenspire

Finals
L1-2 Lemmitania
W1-0 Total 'n Utter Insanity
W3-0 Commerce Heights
L0-1 Kingsford

P W D L F A
20 12 1 7 34 17

World Cup 11
Qualifiers
D0-0 Oddslavo
W1-0 Mattigool
W3-0 Lynnwoode
W2-0 Artemsia Absentia
W2-0 Ice Reavers
L0-2 Aquilla
W2-0 Big Butts
D0-0 Oddslavo
W4-1 Mattigool
W2-1 Lynnwoode
W2-0 Artemsia Absentia
W4-0 Ice Reavers
D1-1 Aquilla
D1-1 Big Butts

Finals
W1-0 Total n Utter Insanity
W3-2 Runaway Moose
W1-0 Kerla
L0-1 Europa Brittania

P W D L F A
18 12 4 2 29 9

World Cup XII
Qualifying
W2-1 EL CID THE HERO
D1-1 Iansisle
W4-0 Abysmalistan
L0-1 East Spaam
W4-2 James A Hollar
L1-2 Eaglet
W5-2 Gaddland
D2-2 EL CID THE HERO
W1-0 Iansisle
W2-0 Abysmalistan
L1-2 East Spaam
W1-0 James A Hollar
D0-0 Eaglet
D2-2 Gaddland

Finals
W2-1 NASTIC 2
L0-3 Oglethorpia
W3-1 Gesamkuntswerk
W2-1 Europa Brittania
W5-4 Squornshelous
W4-3 Commerce Heights
L1-1 Rejistania (1-1 AET, 2-3 on penalties)

P W D L F A
21 12 4 5 43 30

World Cup 13
Qualifiers
W2-0 Magnus Valerius
W2-0 Avenging Altos
W1-0 Free Radicals of Mu-Mu
L0-2 NEWI Cefn Druids
W4-0 Fahigland
L1-3 Bedistan
W2-0 Iansisle
W2-0 Dennisov
W3-0 Resistencia
W4-0 Magnus Valerius
W1-0 Avenging Altos
W1-0 Free Radicals of Mu-Mu
W4-1 NEWI Cefn Druids
D0-0 Fahigland
W1-0 Bedistan
D0-0 Iansisle
W1-0 Dennisov
W3-0 Resistencia

Finals
W2-0 Kerla
D1-1 Liverpool England
D0-0 Sliponia
L1-2 Spaam

P W D L F A
22 14 5 3 36 9

World Cup 14
Qualifying
W2-0 New Luca
D1-1 The Eagles Nest
L0-3 Total n Utter Insanity
D2-2 East Spaam
W2-1 Grand Master Mark
W3-1 New Montreal States
W1-0 Presgreif
W1-0 Larkinia
W2-0 Kendelstand
W3-1 New Luca
L0-2 The Eagles Nest
W2-1 Total 'n Utter Insanity
D1-1 East Spaam
W2-1 Grand Master Mark
W2-0 New Montreal States
W4-2 Presgrief
W2-1 Larkinia
W2-1 Kendelstand

Finals
W2-0 Kerla
L0-3 Brazillico
W1-0 Kaze Progressa
L0-1 Eauz

P W D L F A
22 15 3 4 35 22

World Cup 15
Qualifiers
W1-0 Isles of Wohlstand
L0-1 Commerce Heights
L0-1 Jerusalem
W1-0 Creedence Clearwater
W3-0 Raptor Claw
W3-0 Ineptia
W3-0 Kipto Mare
W3-0 Boscioto
W2-0 Sportonia
W1-0 Isles of Wohlstand
D1-1 Commerce Heights
W2-0 Jerusalem
W4-1 Creedence Clearwater
W2-1 Raptor Claw
W3-1 Ineptia
W2-0 Kipto Mare
W1-0 Boscioto
W2-0 Sportonia

Finals
D2-2 Kingsford
L0-2 Lovisa
W2-1 Aquilla

P W D L F A
21 16 2 3 38 11

World Cup 16
Qualifiers
W6-0 Adrasuvare
W3-2 Vilita
W2-1 Raptor Claw
W3-1 Redavic Union
D2-2 Hazlia
W4-1 Adrasuvare
W2-0 Vilita
D3-3 Raptor Claw
W1-0 The Redavic Union
W4-0 Hazlia

Finals
W3-0 Iansisle
D3-3 Oaker
D2-2 Kingsford
L0-2 Rejistania

P W D L F A
14 9 4 1 38 17

World Cup 17
Qualifiers
W3-0 Magnus Valerius
L0-1 Ebon Hawk
W3-2 Isles Of Wohlstand
W3-1 Big Pimento
L1-4 Squornshelous
W5-2 Cockbill Street
D0-0 The Weegies
W2-0 Magnus Valerius
W3-0 Ebon Hawk
W1-0 Isles of Wohlstand
D3-3 Big Pimento
D0-0 Squornshelous
D1-1 Cockbill Street
W3-1 The Weegies
W2-1 Halfassedstates

Finals
W2-1 Starblaydia
W5-4 NEWI Cefn Druids
W3-2 The Lowland Clans
D1-1 Aquiliana (L1-2 AET)

P W D L F A
19 12 4 3 41 25

World Cup 18
Qualifiers
W4-1 Vollmeria
W2-0 Tadjikistan
W3-0 Avenging Altos
L1-2 Druida
W3-0 Cockbill Street
W2-0 Oaker
W5-0 Kipto Mare
W4-0 Vollmeria
W3-0 Tadjikistan
W1-0 Avenging Altos
W4-0 Druida
D1-1 Cockbill Street
W3-1 Oaker
W3-0 Kipto Mare

Finals
W2-1 Tadjikistan
W2-1 Aquilliana
D0-0 Commerce Heights
W1-0 Snub Nose 38
L0-3 Kaze Progressa

P W D L F A
19 15 2 2 45 10

Eagles Cup V
L2-3 Starblaydia
W3-1 Turori
D0-0 Legalese
L0-1 Starblaydia
W3-1 Turori
D1-1 Legalese
W3-1 Liverpool England
W1-0 The Belmore Family
L0-1 Bedistan

P W D L F A
9 4 2 3 13 9

World Cup 19
W1-0 Slaikau
W3-0 Antixillian Fatwah
W3-1 Middle March
W5-0 Zvarinograd
W2-1 The Lowland Clans
D1-1 Sarzonia
W2-1 Lykaia
W4-2 Slaikau
W2-0 Antixillian Fatwah
W4-0 Middle March
W1-0 Zvarinograd
D2-2 The Lowland Clans
W3-2 Sarzonia
D1-1 Lykaia

Finals
W3-0 Cockbill Street
D1-1 Commerce Heights
L0-1 Lovisa
D1-1 Nova Britannicus (1-1 AET, W7-6 on penalties)
W1-0 Turori
D0-0 Dance 2 Revolution (0-0 AET, W4-3 on penalties)
L0-1 Crystilakere

P W D L F A
21 15 4 2 40 14

World Cup 20
Qualifying
W3-1 Spaam
W3-0 Giant Zucchini
W2-0 East Lithuania
W1-0 San Verdi
W1-0 One Red Dot
W2-1 Snub Nose 38
W2-0 Wella
D1-1 Spaam
D1-1 Giant Zucchini
D2-2 East Lithuania
W2-0 San Verdi
L2-3 One Red Dot
D1-1 Snub Nose 38
W4-2 Wella

Finals
L1-2 The Lowland Clans
W3-1 Liverpool England
W2-1 Bedistan
W2-0 One Red Dot
W1-0 Bedistan
W5-3 Squornshelous
L0-1 Vilita

P W D L F A
20 14 4 3 41 20

Jurassic Invitational Cup
D2-2 Cockbill Street
W4-2 Bedistan
W5-1 Haperd
W2-1 South Osettia
W1-0 Turori
L1-2 Bedistan
L1-2 Squornshelous

P W D L F A
7 4 1 2 16 10

World Cup 21
L1-2 Oceaice
W2-0 Funny Looking Islands
W2-0 Sonaron
L1-3 Nova Britannicus
W3-1 Haperd
D1-1 Kylaai
W3-1 Oceaice
W1-0 Funny Looking Islands
L0-3 Sonaron
D1-1 Nova Britannicus
W2-0 Haperd
D2-2 Kylaai
W4-0 Iansisle
W1-0 Iansisle

Finals
W2-0 Nova Britannicus
W2-0 Lethisvania
L1-2 Oaker
W1-0 Turori
L1-2 Total 'n Utter Insanity

P W D L F A
19 12 3 5 31 18

World Cup 22
Qualifying
W2-0 Black Yellow
W5-0 Rittarstan
L0-1 Chicanda
W2-0 Wella
W4-1 The Belmore Family
W2-0 Black Yellow
W1-0 Rittarstan
W4-0 Chicanda
W2-0 Wella
W2-0 The Belmore Family

P W D L F A
10 9 0 1 24 2


All-time statistics
P W D L F A
332 204 61 67 608 274

Ranks/Achievements in each tournament:
World Cup 1 - N/A, Didn't Participate
World Cup 2 - N/A, Didn't Participate
World Cup 3 - N/A, Didn't Participate
World Cup 4 - 100, Second Round
World Cup 5 - 011, Didn't Qualify
World Cup 6 - 040, First Round
World Cup 7 - 020, Second Round
World Cup 8 - 013, First Round
World Cup 9 - 018, First Round
World Cup 10- 018, Second Round
World Cup 11- 011, Second Round
World Cup 12- 004, Runner-Up
World Cup 13- 002, Second Round
World Cup 14- 006, Second Round
World Cup 15- 005, First Round
World Cup 16- 009, Second Round
World Cup 17- 006, Second Round
World Cup 18- 006, Quarter Final (Eagles Cup 5, Final)
World Cup 19- 006, Runner-Up
World Cup 20- 001, Runner-Up (Jurassic Invitational Cup, Fourth Place)
World Cup 21- 001, Quarter Final
World Cup 22- 005, First Round

Records:
Biggest Win: 6-0 Vs Iuthia, 6-0 Vs Adrasuvare
Biggest Defeat: 0-4 Vs Squornshelous

~ Cup of Harmony XIII
MD2 - W (@John Murphy Field)
Praying2God v. Gaian Ascendancy (0 - 1)



PRAYING2GOD SOCCER ASSOCIATION STUMPED BY GAIAN CLAIMS

The Praying2God Soccer Association is befuddled by Gaian Ascendancy claims that the two teams have met before in a tournament supposedly called CoH XIII. However, the Praying2God Soccer Association has no records of a CoH XIII ever being held, and they certainly didn't have a team that competed in said tournament. The Praying2God Soccer Association is looking into potential legal action against both Jeruselem and Gaian Ascendancy for their libelious statements against Praying2God.

Stars set to inaugurate schedule in Portland

Portland, Somerset (ASP) -- With only 10 matches in the World Cup qualifying schedule for the Sarzonian national football team, the Incorporated Football Federation announced that they would only use two venues for home matches in Sarzonia. Portland's recently rebuilt Iron Bowl (capacity 65,310) will host the first three home matches, including tomorrow afternoon's opening match against Spirit Nation.

"We wanted to focus on two of our strongest venues," Incorporated Football Federation Chairman Terry Mangione said. Portland has long been a strong venue for us, and we felt as though it was one of the places that gave us the best home field advantage."

The other two home matches, including the fourth match of qualifying against Spaam and the final match against Druida, will take place at Hendrix Stadium in Woodstock. It too is undergoing a massive refurbishment programme that organisers expect will see its capacity increase to 80,570. Mangione said if the venue is not ready in time, the team will face Spaam at the Round Table in Nicksia.

"It's going to be a race against time," Coach Dave Wilson said. "We're going to do our best to finish work on Hendrix in time for the Spaam match, but if we can't, we'll have it ready in time to face Druida." Wilson dismissed questions about his demeanor before the World Cup, saying he wasn't any less enthusiastic even though the coach known for his clowning and sense of humour has been all-business leading up to World Cup XXII qualifying.

"If you don't have any enthusiasm for the World Cup, you ought not to be playing in it," Wilson said. "I'm still as fired up as I've ever been. It's just that we now have to face being a favourite for the first time and we can't afford to let up. We've made minor changes in comparison to the last World Cup, but still, there's enough of a change that I'm dealing with much more than I have in the past."

The biggest change off the field was Legalese hiring longtime assistant coach Barry Owens as their field boss. Owens was the linchpin behind the team's scrappy defence and aggressive midfield play and was a "huge part" in implementing the attacking style of football Sarzonia is known for.

"That's a huge loss for us," Wilson said. "Barry was my right hand man. He was a key part of this team. But he deserved a chance to coach a team and we're going to have to soldier on without him." Wilson said he's spent more time in the film room with Owens no longer assisting him.

"Until I can develop a comfort zone with the coaching staff we've assembled without Barry, I'm probably going to be spending much more time at the facility than I'm used to," Wilson said. "I have every confidence we'll be able to soldier on, but early on, it's going to be an adjustment."

Another adjustment for the team was naming midfielder Darwin Russell as the team's captain, replacing forward Brian Wilson. Brian, also the coach's son, is known as a vocal leader who is not afraid to get in the face of any player who isn't giving his all. However, Russell is more of a quiet, lead-by-example veteran.

"If Darwin raises his voice once a month, it's a lot," midfielder Bobby Convey said. "If Brian doesn't raise his voice once a day, I wonder if something's up." Convey said he had every confidence that Russell would keep the team playing to form with the captain's armband.

"Darwin has a way of getting to you even without raising his voice. A look, a bit of encouragement, pulling out his pet ferret, I don't know. Whatever it is, it works," Dave Wilson said.

*A reported approaches President Ashallond on one of the many ships of the Nest*

"Sir, can I ask you a few questions? TENFA refered me to you."

"I guess. What's up?"

"We would just like to know why the team is not playing this cup?"

"Well, as you know we have recently had to pick up our entire country and move due to climate shift."

"of course, but it was only 25-30 people. Surely they wouldn't matter?"

"Well true, but our withdraw was more in protest of the state of affairs recently in the WCC. The infighting was taking a toll and letting things get out of hand. I mean have you read these news stories lately of all these proposals and arguments between WCC members?"

"Well yes, but"

"I mean, it's a soccer tournament, it shouldn't be that difficult."

"Yes, but"

"And apparently there are rumblings that the hosts left a country's team out of the tournament. Could be rumors, but I mean this is crazy."

"Yes, but"

"Look, we aren't playing this cup. Probably not next cup. Maybe not ever."

"But we are ranked 13th! We're an elite team!"

"Yep, and a ranking is irrelavent. What matters is that the organization has some serious issues. And until they are resolved, i didn't want to deal with that. Neither did TENFA. When things settle down, perhaps."

"*Sigh* The Strike Birds would have helped our spirits in this move."

"I know. But it was my decision. And look out there. This fresh new land is being slowly settled, and soon most of us will be off these boats. Why can't you write about the good things going on instead of all the negative stories?"

*The reporter just shakes his head, says thank you and walks away.*

Pas d'invitation au Qualification du coup du monde

Coach Joseuf: So guys, are we ready for another wonderful time qualifying for the 22nd World Cup?

Assistant Coach: Actually coach, we aren’t even in the cup.

Joseuf: WHAT?!? We even sent our invitation to the WCC a year ago, I even got a paper saying which teams signed up for the qualifying round. Look!
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=397889&page=1
We’re #10 on the list…!!!

AC: Oh? Well apparently, the hosting group of SO & LE decided Eauz would not participate in this cup. Or maybe the invitation is coming soon, but it is late in the mail?

Joseuf: That is possible, maybe they used the Abysmalistan Mail service, But that would really suck, I’ve heard some letters have taken a 100 years just to reach the person.

AC: Does that mean we might be waiting 100 years just to get invited to WC22?

Joseuf: Maybe I’ll try calling around, find out what’s going on… Damn! It seems both SO & LE’s phone lines have been disconnected. Maybe too many people complaining about the pre-Qualifying situation started to bother them?

CDA National Stadium, Commerce Heights, Capital Territory

Darren Redner [coach, Commerce Heights Capitalizts]: Hey, look, here’s the group draws!

Matthew Sparks [assistant coach] (on drugs): Who slani cares? *pause* C’mon, gimme that…

Sparks examines the group draw.

Sparks: What is this, some sort of IRCer group?

Redner: I don’t think any of those teams participated in the IRC. What are you smoking this time?

Sparks: Don’t ask. I didn’t mean the International Recreation Competition, or whatever those crazy rejis’slani call it, I was talking about…umm…some slanied Internet thing that doesn’t like thése chåractərs. Or at least the users don’t.

Redner (nodding): Uhuh.

Hipólito Pereda, the keepers coach, enters the room.

Pereda: Hey, what are you up to?

Sparks: I’m up to here *gestures* with you!

Redner: Go home, Sparky. We were just looking over the group draw—

Pereda: You went over the group draw without inviting me? Who do you think I am, some idiot who’s just here ’cause he’s got an accent in his name?

Render: Well…uh…

Pereda: I’ll take that, thank you very much!

Pereda examines the group draw.

Pereda: You’re sure this is right? Wasn’t Oglethropia supposed to have replaced the quasi-Druidans?

Redner: That’s Oglethorpia you’re talking about! Watch out, they might sue you in a few years for that remark!

Pereda: Just calm down, will ya?

Redner: Anyway, you’re absolutely right! Is there anyone missing, with the possible exception of some slani n00b?

Pereda: How do you manage to say ‘newbie’ all weird like that? You know, with the funky zeroes?

Redner: Never mind! Just look at the list…

Pereda: W0000000000000T!!!

Redner: You do it like that, if you must know.

Pereda (excited): Guess who’s not invited!

Redner: Sarzonia?

Pereda laughs.

Redner: Then who?

Pereda: The Evil Empire! Les Bleus! The Reds With The White Flags!

Redner: W00000000000000T!!!

Pereda: That’s one two many zeroes.

Redner: Oh, yeah? Prove it!

Pereda: I distinctly heard you shout 15 zeroes, while I only shouted 14.

Redner: You counted wrong.

Pereda: Fine, I guess you won’t admit it, you fool! Have fun with your corporate minions!

Pereda leaves the room.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/ttov.gif

Group by Group Analysis (1-5)

---------------------------------

Group 1:
14 Svecia
29 Krytenia
38 Legalese
69 Funny Looking Islands
85 Oliverry
150 Umphart

Svecia will be leading the way in what could be a very heavily RPed group. Funny Looking Islands and Oliverry will both need wins over each other, and a split series with Krytenia and Legalese to have a chance at qualification, but inevetably this group will come down to a three horse race. Svecia, Krytenia and Legalese will battle down to the nitty gritty for the two qualification positions, and it will be the Lawyers turn to take the trip north to South Osettia for the World Cup Finals, where they will be joined by group winners Svecia.

---------------------------------
Group 2:
9 Crystilakere
27 Melmond
45 Haperd
53 Raptor Claw
105 Piquantrax
150 Oglethorpia

Crystilakere and Melmond, Former World Cup Co-Hosting Partners united again to tear group 2 to bits. The only dents on these two teams records will be the two matches they get to battle head to head, with the fearless farmers looking for a bit of revenge for the losses inflicted on them by Crystilakere en route to the World Cup 19 championship. Haperd and Raptor Claw have solidified themselves as ever-present nobodies, although the Raptors do have past experience in the World Cup Finals, they look nothing of their former selves.
---------------------------------

Group 3:
3 Bedistan
26 Tadjikistan
43 Giant Zucchini
63 Moleland
122 Gregenburg
137 Kazakhstania

The once rising Tadjikistani Empire is slowly slipping back down to the fiery depths of whence they came. Creeping up behind them is a resurgent vegetable nation eager to dice up the action. Bedistan will have little trouble steering clear of the battle, the defending champions should ease through unbeaten from Group 3, while Tadjikistan and Giant Zucchini bring out the battleships and load up the forks in what will inevitably be an anti-climactic resolution, the vegetables going through and Tadjikistan lingering in the 20's once again. Kazahkstania has the potential to turn some heads, and they will be looking forward to the matches against Moleland as a place to earn some valuable ranking points towards their Cup of Harmony placement.

---------------------------------

Group 4:
17 The Lowland Clans
35 Spurland
36 Nonesuch Street
58 Liamist States
94 Nedalia
150 Abysmalistan

The most promising teams in this group sit on the outside looking in, making Group 4 the place to be as surprise Under-21 Finalists Nedalia and Baptism of Fire Cup Pre-21 Champions Liamist States launch their attack on the falling empire of The Lowland Clans. Unfortunately, only one of these two promising nations will be able to challenge for a place in the finals, and will have to sweep the opposite number, as well as the neolithic puppet to place themselves in the upset position in the final matches. Their Under-21 run was impressive, but their Baptism of Fire cup run ran short, seeing Nedalia only as far as the Cup of Harmony, while the Liamist States, with the proper amount of training, will breakthrough the closely mathced duo of Spurland and Nonesuch Street to finish level with a less than impressive Lowland Clans en route to their first World Cup Finals berth.

---------------------------------

Group 5:
10 EL CID THE HERO
20 Starblaydia
47 Lykaia
75 San Verdi
80 Bettia
137 Besaneastan

Baptism of Fire Cup Pre-22 Champions Bettia will come into Group 5 with loads of Spirit, but they will not be rewarded with success. The slowly rising Hero named El Cid will be too much for the newcomers to handle, but Starblaydia will have little trouble, filled with Vilitan talent on their way to first place in the group. El Cid will have to contend with the 15x6 Magic from Lykaia, but if this group is scorinated by Liverpool England, it is quite likely that Lykaia will finish dead last on -3 points, seeing El Cid the Hero Through.

OOC: Eauz, I was told you had withdrawn. I'll put you in in TUL's place then. Big apologies!

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/logo.gif
The Boys are Back in Brown

-----------------The Turori Eels are back for another season of World Cup Qualifying, stuck as the 8th ranked team in the world after a dissapointing loss to Audiosalvia in the second round of World Cup 21, ending the Eels streak of consecutive Quarter Final appearances. The Eels decided to forgoe the Under-21 World Championships, and sold their youth program to the Atlantis Colony of Vilita with the option to buy back at the conclusion of World Cup 22. Many changes have taken place in the Turorian back room since the conclusion of World Cup 21, including the introduction of long time Eels Captain Cuolia Tuirma as the Head Coach of the team, where he will work alongside Turorian legend Mauritus Banda, who has been promoted to the office of Director of the Football Association of Turori (FAT), but will work with Tuirma during the transition period of World Cup 22's opening qualifying matches.

-----------------Legendary goalkeeper Milauo Slietah returns for yet another Cup at the age of 36, while 18 year old Niauo Yidiea, who plays for Sto'kh'darakha Roh'nidh'ba in Cockbill Street, is expected to see some playing time off the bench. Yeaddin Owls trainee Ebbow Dakin will be backup to Slietah, but is expected to start the opening match of the campaign to relieve him of his jitters. Christian Briyjao, the 22 year old midfielder out of Roegrow Athletic, also in Cockbill Street, will likely get the nod to start in Tuirma's old position, while Maratima Tareak will take over the duties as Set piece taker.

-----------------The Eels are looking forward to a fun but productive qualifying stage that will prepare them and motivate them for a run at their first World Cup title, hopefully travelling just north to South Osettia for the Finals.


--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9

PRAYING2GOD SOCCER ASSOCIATION STUMPED BY GAIAN CLAIMS

The Praying2God Soccer Association is befuddled by Gaian Ascendancy claims that the two teams have met before in a tournament supposedly called CoH XIII. However, the Praying2God Soccer Association has no records of a CoH XIII ever being held, and they certainly didn't have a team that competed in said tournament. The Praying2God Soccer Association is looking into potential legal action against both Jeruselem and Gaian Ascendancy for their libelious statements against Praying2God.

The Jeruselem FA issued a statement saying if the Praying2God Soccer Association sue over a junior journalist working for the Jeruselem Government News using outdated statistics by accident, then it would fight the action.

"Actually legal actions in Jeruselem tend to fail as people forget it is not a democracy and feudal laws can override legisative ones. We do not hide our displeasure at the World Cup XX result, but did not intentionally make the mistake." the Jeruselem FA chairmen said to the press.

It has been reported in Jeruselem, lawyers who repeated file libel actions continually against the Jeruselem FA have very short careers.

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

WORLD CUP QUALIFICATION GROUPS SET
Lightning ranked as top team in group

Group 1:
14 Svecia
29 Krytenia
38 Legalese
69 Funny Looking Islands
85 Oliverry
150 Umphart

"It´s a deceiving group" said Svecian coach Matt de Fijts. "There aren´t a lot of really excellent teams, but everyone there is solid. This isn´t going to be as easy as it looks." Many fans think otherwise, however. Although it is those fans that predicted Svecia to win the last World Cup after going through to the second round for the first time in three Cups.

"We´ll see how things go" said striker Fabian Mertesacker. "We´ll play hard, thats for sure. We want to the Svecikan tradition going."

KAFRA INTERNATIONAL STADIUM

Picture of the Kafra International Stadium (http://www.worldstadiums.com/stadium_pictures/europe/germany/bayern/munchen_allianz2.jpg)

The focus of the article today is to highlight the Kafra International Stadium, the newly built facility that will hold the Lions’ home matches in the WC22 qualifying campaign. Funded by the Nedalian government after the success of the U21 team in the U21 WC 14, the stadium came close to not existing at all.

In 2 AFN (After Formation of Nedalia), Nedalia formed and sent out an U21 squad with no prior experience to the U21 WC 14, where they proceeded to give the universe one of the most memorable U21 runs in history. The Lions advanced to the finals of the tournament, knocking out such heavyweights as Sarzonia and Crystilakere on the rugged path the team took. Coming home as heroes, the government and President Bren, who had incidentally just found the Nedalia Liberal Party (NLP), attempted to play on the public’s infatuation with the sport and announce the construction of a new stadium to accommodate home international matches.

The public immediately ate it up, but the government was stuck with a big problem now: where in the world were they going to come up with the $65 million to fund this grand project. They was very little help from the private sector, who predicted little return on their investments despite the government offering sponsorship deals and exclusive facilities in the grounds. While support for the NLP was on the rise, news that the stadium would have to be scrapped all together would certainly lose the trust the citizens had in the Nedalian government, which was dominated by the NLP. That is when Minister of Sport Nader Homsi came up with a genius idea.

Nader Homsi took the opportunity to present to President Bren a proposal to start up the Nedalia Premier League. Not only would this bring money in, but it would also develop the nation’s footballing future as well as the people’s interest in the sport (not like that was needed anyway, the Nedalians are fanatics for it). The proposal was initially met with criticism from the rest of the government, who thought the money that would have to be put into the league would have better use elsewhere. President Bren, who liked the idea, ignored the criticism, and gave the Nedalia Premier League proposal the go-ahead.

The NPL garnered immediate worldwide attention, bringing money from foreign and local investors alike. The funding was quickly made available to Minister Homsi to begin construction of the Kafra International Stadium, and Homsi wasted no time in starting work on it. Putting an absurd number of construction companies on the job, it took just 4 months to complete the stadium, in time for the WC22 qualifying campaign.

The stadium was a wonderful piece of architecture was originally planned to have a capacity of just 67,000, but once construction began, the officials in charge realized they could fit atleast another 20,000 there, and so adjustments were made. Upon completion, this all seater stadium can now fit 94,000 people. A marvel of architecture, but more importantly, a home for the Nedalia Lions.

Fmjphoenix fans upset over changes made in group

Fans all over Fmjphoenix have been in an uproar over the changes made in Group 12. With the addition of Eauz, the Vikings chances of qualifying have been drastically changed. From what looked like a perfect chance of qualification has now turned into disasterous form. Now Fmjphoenix will have to try and compete with the 11th and 12th ranked teams in the world. Fans were heard saying that now they are going to be screwed in their chances at qualifying for the second straight year. With very little time, Coach GQ has been trying to get the team reconfigured for the change. While they were expected to open up against Totally Useless Liars, now they have to play against The Weegies first.

"This was a totally unexpected action and we are totally unprepared for this. This makes things a lot harder on our players and staff. It will not be easy to try and get the boys minds in the right direction again. This hit us very badly" Coach Disterfred said during a hastily gathered practice.

They will still go with the same starting eleven that they planned against Totally Useless Liars.

PRAYING2GOD SOCCER ASSOCIATION STUMPED BY GAIAN CLAIMS

The Praying2God Soccer Association is befuddled by Gaian Ascendancy claims that the two teams have met before in a tournament supposedly called CoH XIII. However, the Praying2God Soccer Association has no records of a CoH XIII ever being held, and they certainly didn't have a team that competed in said tournament. The Praying2God Soccer Association is looking into potential legal action against both Jeruselem and Gaian Ascendancy for their libelious statements against Praying2God.

GANN Sports Desk: ~ When the Gaian Advisory of Archival Affairs heard of this accusation, the head of that Advisory, Lady Skuld Morisato, simply did the following.

She posted a open web-portal address for all to see.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8540564&postcount=23

She then added. "Um, yeah... if they say so."

She then added an appology to the nation of Rejistania for the quote, as well as for the dishonor imparted with.

She then added. "That trophy still looks snazzy by the way."

The Gaian Council refrained from comment of that last quote, citing "We don't know her."

Barry put down the paper. "Arthur, wasn't there a Cup of Harmony XIII? I know I was busy with the actual finals, but thought I had heard of it."

Arthur looked back at him quizzically. "Of course there was a Cup of Harmony XIII. We were in it, and somehow got knocked out. Actually, you might not be here, had we not gotten knocked out early. You won't believe how that tore up Tommy. Speaking of which, when are you going to get me a roster? The FALE is starting to get on me about that."

"I'm ready to make the final cuts, Arthur", was the reply. "You know the short list, just don't make it public yet. I'll let you know when the lineup can be released."

Fans in Euroslavia in an Uproar over Recent Group Changes

With the addition of Eauz to Group 12, fans all across Euroslavia have staged protests against the host of the World Cup, stating that things have been made completely unfair for the rest of the teams placed into Group 12 in the beginning. Even the players showed their disapproval of the addition of one more team, stating that "It was an unexpected twist". When the Coach of the Euroslavia Phantoms was asked about the recent action, he responded with, "Yes, it certainly was unexpected, but these things happen in any sports event. Not everything can be fair. All we can really do is move on and play even stronger together. Producing a fairly good result for this season would make even more heads turn, seeing as there is one more high ranked team in our Group. We're watching out for every team, despite their ranking, because you never know what's going to happen with these kind of things. Each team has potential at winning the Cup, no matter what their rank is."

At the Oglethorpian Association of Football HQ in Megalopolis City, Oglethorpia

"Well," started a hardly jublilant OAF President Joe Staplin, "if they pin this disastrous qualifying run on me, just know I had a great time working with you guys."

Murmurs among the congregated office workers, advisors and officials were in agreement of similar sentiment.

"But now is not a time for mourning; at this time I lay before you all the pieces to a Four Year Plan, to place us upon the road to football redevelopment. For this upcoming, I explicitly request of you - look outside for talent! Let us face the facts, and by facts I mean this single one; Oglethorpia sucks at football, and until we see a reverse in trends, poach the redeeming qualities of the national squad from other countries. It is the most prudent thing to do, and I mean that most sincerely. It is evident that the New Football Policy has failed to find domestic talent, and so this is our course of action."

Various and sporadic cheers of applause are heard before finally the office is moved into rautious applause and praise.

"Let's steal them players!" finished a very different, and now emotionally charged Joe Staplin.

OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM THE PRAYING2GOD SOCCER ASSOCIATION

We never had any intention of pursuing legal action against Jeruselem for the incorrect statistical analysis. The writer of the published report suggesting that we were contemplating taking legal action has been reprimanded by both their editor and us.

However, we are still contemplating legal action against Gaian Ascendancy for their ridiculous claims. The information they posted was for some fictional tournament that somebody made up and provided public access to. We are attempting to trace who is responsible for the fictional tournament, and once we identify them, we will contemplate how we will proceed from that point.

Arashi reads the lastest statement from Praying2God and groans. "The wave that thinks it's a tsunami..

..er.. no offense Sis."

Tsui giggles. "No prob."

Arashi then asks. "Should we bother replying?"

Tsunami shakes her head. "Just send them an appology gift of their choice. We can't deal with them right now."

Arashi agrees. The National team was already about to begin play, but more, the Ascendancy had just entered a major war with Deatharon. With hundreds of vessels and thousands of mechs on the move, legal matters was piddily to the Republic right now.

Arashi then quips. "If they want satisfaction, then they can play us and win to prove their mettle. Legal stuff just is nonsense."

"Depends on the nation and their views." Tsui adds.. Arashi nods.

"If they can equal that with the blood of our people now being spilled, then I will agree to their acquiese. Until then..." ...Arashi then takes the info-Padd and thows it to a side couch some twenty meters away.

"I think I know how Al feels with this stuff."

Tsui isn't laughing either.

Weegie Star: Sport Report
Weegie Fans Protest Outside FALE

Two thousand Weegie fans - mostly supposed to be members of the hard-core Weegie fan group the "Islander's Army" have decended upon the World Cup hosts Liverpool England to protest after World Cup Qualifying Group 12 was amended to include Eauz, due to an unfortunate administrative error which had left the Eauz side out of the original group draw. This has enraged many sets of fans in Group 12, including Fmjphoenix, who due to the changed group the Weegies now play first, and bottom-ranked side Euroslavia. All the sets of fans protesting have decried this decision as upsetting the overall balance of the Group, and also for lessening their chances of qualifying, and have protested accordingly.

The "Islander's Army", however, in their inimitable style, have taken things one step further, and a large minority of the group (thought to be around 10,000 strong) have decended upon Liverpool England capital City Centre to protest directly at what they, personally, see as an injustice. They have since spent most of their time hanging around the FALE headquarters, shouting slogans and throwing eggs and flour at the building. However, the protest has not gotten violent - at least by Weegie standards - with no persons being directly the focus of any violence, and no-one being injured as of yet. Liverpool England police have kept the protestors away from the FALE building, and set up a barricade to allow FALE employees to leave and enter the building. As of the latest, tents have been raised around the FALE building by protestors obviously in for the long haul, and various Weegies are trying to cadge a light, money, or other various things with the Liverpool England policemen providing a barrier between the Weegie fans and the FALE building.

One protester, who wished to remain nameless, said "This is just the kind of anti-Weegie sentiment we have seen oozing out of the World Cup Committee since we first applied to take part the World Cup years ago. This high-handed, top-down approach to international football only does a disservice to the fans who keep this game going at all times, and is an insult to the Weegie international team. It's shameless manipulating of the groups to lessen our chances of qualifying, that's what it is, and we won't stand for it, no we won't."

When asked why protesting at the FALE building instead of the WCC, the protestor continued: "No-one knows where the WCC building actually is except for certain representatives of international footballing associations. Which, in itself, is notice of the secretive and dictatorial approach of this organisation. And since Liverpool England is involved in hosting, we felt that the FALE would have something to do with the organisation of the World Cup. Obviously."

A FALE spokesperson said: "This is nothing more than an administrative error which needed to be rectified. It is not, and never has been, a vendetta against one side."

Protests continue.

Group 3:
3 Bedistan
26 Tadjikistan
43 Giant Zucchini
63 Moleland
122 Gregenburg
137 Kazakhstania

The Moles look to correct their terrible Crash-out of the Champions league. However, things do not look good. as one 'fan' said

'If we can't win an International Club team contest with our national team, how on Earth are we gonna win an international national team contest?'

A good question, I asked the manager, Robert Hover, for his view.

'The reason we went out of the CL was over-confidence, and poor defending. We were scoring, but not keeping the goals out. As long as we keep our lines clear, we should do reasonably well.'

'How far is reasonably well?'

'As ever, the knock out stages. After all, we might get lucky. 3 is the mole lucky number...'

Well, there you have it. The Moles look doomed form the set off, but who cares?

NPS news, Moleland.

OOC: When will the Contest start?

MD1 Scores are now available (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8715327&postcount=2)

Giant Zucchini 1 Moleland 0

Moles lost in a close, but in the end, vain effort to win tis away match.

The hope for better luck in there next game.

'We close them down well, but we just lost concentration and we conceeded the goal, and lost the point.'

This means this tema have lost 2 on the spin.

NPS. Moleland

thsd:NEWS

The More Things Change...

IT'S a new name and a new look for THSD, but some things remain constant. The Vilitan pundits are once again predicting the Caleys' doom, we get drawn with an AO stablemate (this time it's Legalese) and Phil Neasden likes goals.

Neasden scored twice in Krytenia's two-nil victory, and with the Lawyers held at the hands of Funny Looking Islands, and Svecia goalless against Umphart (who?) the Caleys are top of the table at this early stage.

Oh, and Nova Mercia lost. Heh heh.

Krytenia - 2
Neasden 21, 66

Oliverry - 0

Hockey Canada loses tight game to Nova

Nova Britannicus- 2
John Pompey 29
Harry Fletcher 82

Hockey Canada- 1
Perrault 44

Hockey Canada is overjoyed right now... not because they lost, but because they lost by such a close margin to 26th ranked Nova Britannicus. The loss has set them in 4th in Group 14, ahead of all early expectations. But now it'll be the Hockey Canadians who will only improve as the tournement goes on.

Region 14 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Total n Utter Insanity 3 1 0 0 3:0 3
2. Hiiraan 3 1 0 0 3:1 2
3. Nova Britannicus 3 1 0 0 2:1 1
4. Hockey Canada 0 0 0 1 1:2 -1
5. Sliponia 0 0 0 1 1:3 -2
6. Lennon Marx 0 0 0 1 0:3 -3

In the game action, Kyle Thomas stopped 14 shots in the losing effort. But the defending kept Nova Britannicus players from getting better shots off keeping the score from being alot higher for them. A hard shot scored by John Pompey in the 29th minute was scored on an assist by Marcus Astin. Yanic Perrault scored late in the first half to tie the game at 1-1.

But it seems it wasn't meant to be when Dave Semenko recieved a yellow card for falling on Frederic La Salle. Semenko's 6"7 frame didn't help him on that call. The card was given in the 82nd minute for a free kick just 2 feet outside the penalty area. Harry Fletcher aimed the ball perfectly into the top right corner just before a diving Thomas could reach the ball.

Hanging their heads after the final whistle was blown, keeper Kyle Thomas shook Nick Cavaletti's hand smiling. He said that it was a honour to play against such a great keeper with years of experience. Especially for Iskara Daii, where Cavaletti plays.

The road doesn't seem to get any easier for the Hockey Canadians, who play the top-ranked Total n Utter Insanity who walked over Lennon Marx 3-0 yesterday. But considering how well the Hockey Canadians played, they're going to give it all they have against Total n Utter Insanity. We may go down in the end, but not without a fight... maybe even dragging someone down with us.

LARGE COLOURED TITLES PROVEN TO CAUSE SEIZURES

More on that story later, but now over to Nick with the sports news.

Football Action today as the Qualifying for World Cup 22 got underway around the globe. The Insanicians being ranked first in the world for the first, and probably last time in their history, started off with an easy opener at home to Lennon Marx. And boy did they give those Commies what for. Goals by Spenlinkakovskison and Lililililee in the first half, follow by a magnificent strike in the second by Wallawallabingbong sealed the 3 points and put the Insanicians at the top of the table.

Result: Total n Utter Insanity 3 Lennon Marx 0

Gabalfa Observer: 20th April 2005

BATTLING BETTIA BLUNT BLAYDES

STARBLAYDIA 0
BETTIA 0

Bettia ground out a hard-earned point against much-fancied Starblaydia in their opening World Cup qualifying match - but it was hardly a pretty sight for either set of supporters.

As might have been predicted, it was the higher-ranked Starblaydia who had the majority of goalscoring opportunities, and they started in promising fashion with the dangerous Belizaire firing wide after being put through on goal by Matranga in the sixth minute.

It was Belizaire who turned provider soon afterwards, squaring the ball to Tuminzahar lurking in the penalty area. Unfortunately for the Starblaydi faithful, the striker hit a tame shot straight into the arms of a grateful Amir Bettison, making his return after sitting out the BofF Cup Final with a sprained wrist.

Bettia's first real attack came on twenty-six minutes as Geraint Carew broke down the right wing and crossed the ball looking for Abdul-Rahim in the centre - unfortunately for Bettia's leading scorer, the ball sailed tantalisingly over his head and was easily gathered by Starblaydia's goalkeeper Gonzalez.

Abdul-Rahim had another opportunity not long after but Terrenson did well to get the ball clear, and then Lyku-Agbayani unleashed a tremendous effort on goal from distance that needed Bettison to dive low down to his left to tip the ball around the post.

The first half petered out from there, and the second half started with Bettia's Chris Hutton hitting a speculative 30-yard effort that sailed high over the crossbar.

Two Starblaydi players saw efforts on goal blocked by Bettian defenders in a goalmouth melee that for a moment looked as though it might unlock the away defence, and then at the other end Gonzalez easily saved a tame Abdul-Rahim header on the line.

Just short of the hour mark, Belizaire cut in from the right side before hitting a rasping drive against Bettison's post with Madray unable to direct the rebound on target with his head, and then Tumunzahar could only hold his head in his hands as Coates cleared his header off the Bettia line.

Ian Atkins made some changes halfway through the second half, bringing on Rosenstiehl and Brown for Ryder and Hutton and switching the formation from 5-3-2 to 4-4-2 in an effort to gain more control in midfield.

Rosenstiehl almost made a dream start to his match after making a run in behind the Starblaydi defence to collect an Abdul-Rahim flick. Unfortunately for the Bettian striker Gonzalez was off his line quickly to make a good save.

Evan Brooks thought he'd given the Aroras the lead when his corner swung into the back of the Starblaydia goal only for the referee to rule his effort out for an alleged push in the box, and Abdul-Rahim skied a volley over the Starblaydi crossbar after chesting down a Carew cross from the right inside the penalty area.

Omar Whistler had the last real chance of the game for either side as he beat the last defender and charged down on the Starblaydia goal, but once again Gonzalez was in the right place at the right time to make a decent save from the forward.

The performance from Bettia was mediocre throughout, although the side's defending was resilient and there were chances going forward when they could have even sneaked all three points.

When asked for his thoughts, manager Atkins told the Observer "I think Starblaydia will regard this as two points lost rather than one point gained. They were certainly looking very dangerous early on and we had to defend resolutely. This wasn't the best performance I've seen, but I'll take this point, thank you very much. Cheers then."


STARBLAYDIA 0-0 BETTIA

Bookings:
Ryder (Bettia)
Caltabiano (Starblaydia)

Sendings Off:
None


ATTENDANCE:31,109


TEAM
Formation: 5-3-2

1. Bettison
4. Ryder (sub 15. Brown, 65 mins)
5. Williams
7. Carew
11. Bin Da'ud
12. Coates
13. Connick
17. Whistler
18. Brooks
20. Abdul-Rahim
21. Hutton (sub 22. Rosenstiehl, 65 mins)


Unused Substitutes:
2. DiTorino
9. Rahl
10. McKinnon


Fixtures / Results

MD1: ....Starblaydia 0-0 Bettia
MD2: .........Bettia vs. EL CID THE HERO
MD3: ......Beanestan vs. Bettia
MD4: .........Bettia vs. San Verdi
MD5: .........Lykaia vs. Bettia
MD6: .........Bettia vs. Starblaydia
MD7: EL CID THE HERO vs. Bettia
MD8: .........Bettia vs. Beanestan
MD9: ......San Verdi vs. Bettia
MD10: ........Bettia vs. Lykaia

Current Group 5 Table

.................W D L F:A GD Pts
EL CID THE HERO..1 0 0 2:0 +2 3
Lykaia...........0 1 0 1:1 -- 1
San Verdi........0 1 0 1:1 -- 1
Starblaydia......0 0 1 0:0 -- 1
Bettia...........0 1 0 0:0 -- 1
Beanestan........0 0 1 0:2 -2 0

The Nedalia Lions

LIONS GET SPURRED ON

What was supposed to be a proving ground fight for the Lions never materalized. Instead, the Lions experienced something that they had not encountered before; a defense that completely shut down their offense. Everyone is aware that the attacking game is Nedalia's bread, but on MD1, the famed offense never got going. Missed shots and general lack of effort from a seemingly dead team resulted in a 3 - 0 defeat to Spurland away from home for the Lions. Manager Randy Gamman was less than impressed:

"I don't know what happened. Not a single player impressed today. Not one. I dont know if the team believes this is going to be a continuing trend, but I certainly wont be allowing it. Another loss like this might result in complete changes in the squad. Next time I'll get players that care."

Gamman refused to field any questions from the media, and denied the media access to the team's locker room, stating that no one was to talk to his players. It is reported that the team will be heading to Nedalia tomorrow, one night after their match.

What took most people watching the match by suprise was the lack of creativity by a Nedalian squad famed for it. Nene was unusually quiet on the left flank, and his replacement in the 74th minute, Downing, didnt fare much better, hardly making a squeak. Yamtech and Mattan, the two strikers upfront, couldnt even muster more than 3 shots on goal between them. Mattan's unhappiness has apparently showed up with him to MD1, resulting in a very lacklustre effort. It is no secret that Porasse, the team Mattan plays for, will have big problems keeping the striker at the club next season due to their place at the bottom of the table.

As for the defense, even Cole Zenith looked confused, conceding 3 goals that could have, in one way or another, been prevented. Justin Stake looked especially out of place, and in the 67th minute, Lamm replaced him, providing adequate cover on the right flank for the 23 minutes he was involved in.

One thing is for sure, when the team plays in Kafra International Stadium, they better play like they represent Nedalia with all their hearts, or not only will Gamman have to replace the players, but the people of Nedalia will demand it. We love you, boys, but don't disappoint us again.


-NEDALIA: 0

- SPURLAND: 3



Team GP GF GA GD PTS

Spurland: 1 3 0 3 3
Liamist States: 1 2 0 2 3
Lowland Clans: 1 0 0 0 1
Abysmalistan: 1 0 0 0 1
Nonsuch Street: 1 0 2 -2 0
Nedalia: 1 0 3 -3 0

*several very damp denizens of the deep - a few seals, the odd seahorse, a couple losers who never got the last memo from TGCICOSFTFFBOSN38), dragging dripping seaweed as they go, having poked their heads above surface for a bit of air, stop to look about before submerging. bedistan holds the presidency of the wwc? congrats to beddy. the wwc looks a bit like...well...a wc...that's not new. oglethorpia fields a team? go on with ya, speadin' rumors like that. two wc's down the road, and sn38 is still ranked 71st? the hooligans are almost doing better at the bottom of the sea than they did on the pitch. ah, well...enough oxygen. ciao*

;)

Vikings win home opener closely, open in second place

Mike Nolan scored his first goal of the season in the last 5 minutes to secure an opening victory for the Fmjphoenix Vikings, as they came back against The Weegies and won 2-1.

It was a sold out crown in Viking Stadium today, 85,000 seats full for the start of the Vikings qualification run. There were high hopes for the young team, despite the addition that makes it much harder. But this match was filled with hope, and the fans were ready for it all. The match started off fast, but not good. Shelly Berry was hit early and was given a penelty shot that she failed to convert. The failed shot caused a quick counterattack by The Weegies, specifically in the form of Alan Cooper. He worked up the pitch with Gavin Baxter and got a rare two on one in the box against Powell Lamar. Baxter faked a shot and passed to Cooper who was able to put it past Lamar for an early lead at the 12th minute. The Weegies dropped back into a defensive formation to prepare for any press by the Vikings. The defensive formation kept the Vikings in check, but it did not stop them fully. Dave Daniels provided an equalizer at the ending of the first half off a long beautiful pass by Larry Brown that saw Daniels alone in the box. Daniels launched a shot that hooked neatly over the hands of the tall goalkeeper John Simpson to tie it up before halftime.

The teams came out the second half ready for some fun, but it turned into a struggle for both teams, as the goalkeepers were dead on, not allowing anything. Lamar saved 8 shots while his counterpart saved 6. It was amazing watching the goalkeepers swallow up everything each other put forth. But the shot stopping would come to an end in the wanning minutes of the match. Powell Lamar saved his 10th shot of the night when the Vikings prepared to attack. The pass in went to Wei Zeng, who was protected by Bobby Bash took it halfway up the Fmjphoenix side before passing it off to Jason Mitchell. Mitchell was challenged by Tommy Clark, but he crossed to Brown. It was three on two for the Vikings, Brown with Berry and Nolan against Ronnie Gemmell and Willie Malcolm. Brown went straight down the middle and was challenged by Malcolm, which caused Brown to pass to Berry. She was pressured by Gemmell, but she passed ahead to Nolan, who was alone in the box against Simpson. And with only 5 minutes remaining in the match, Nolan sealed it away with a hard hit shot that passed Simpson before he could get to it. The Weegies could not get past the defensive formations by the Vikings after the goal and Fmjphoenix would win the opening match 2-1. Man of the Match went to Nolan for his game winning goal.

With the first match over with, the Vikings will now prepare to head out to face the Phantoms of Euroslavia. Euroslavia had lost their opening match against the top seeded Revolutionaries 3-0. Coach Disterfred will be going with the same starting eleven for this match, but may play around depending on how the match is developing. As for now, he said that he was proud of the way they regained composure and played together.

"This was important because with the victory, confidence is regained. It will still take time for these guys to get the feeling they had in World Cup XXI, but if we make it to the second round, there is more potential to do more harm to other teams."

Fmjphoenix: 2 - The Weegies: 1
Daniels 45+, Nolan 87 - Cooper 12

Fmjphoenix World Cup XXII Schedule:
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs The Weegies - Win 2-1
MD02: Euroslavia vs Fmjphoenix -
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Eauz -
MD04: Dance 2 Revolution vs Fmjphoenix -
MD05: Fmjphoenix vs Anarquistan -
MD06: The Weegies vs Fmjphoenix -
MD07: Fmjphoenix vs Euroslavia -
MD08: Eauz vs Fmjphoenix -
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Dance 2 Revolution -
MD10: Anarquistan vs Fmjphoenix -
Record: 1-0-0

Vikings Goalscoreres:
Nolan - 1
Daniels - 1

Cana City Press

Kodiaks Bounced In Eastentown...or is it in Wella?

Chicanada 1 : Wella 2

CANA - CCP may be too quick in stating the opening match against Wella was a home game. But what we can say is that the Kodiaks begin the same way they started and ended WCXXI qualifying - with a close loss.

Chicanada played a tough match against 40th ranked Wella but was unable to keep the momentum going in the second half as they dropped 2-1.

Coach Viladetta was disappointed with the loss, especially considering that the Kodiaks have TBF and Audioslavia as there next two games...and we think one of them is a home game, either in West Finnen or Cana.

"We had some great chances that we blew," Viladetta said, "and if we keep this up it will be one long tournament for us. Our Defenders played outstandingly but had too many holes in their plan late and that's what killed us."

Chicanadan Captian (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8610929&postcount=9) Samuel Klerington scored the lone goal for the Kodiaks, as they now prepare for their match against The Belmore Family tommorow. It will be somewhere there at 6000 CST or in West Finnen at 2000 CST.

Chicanada Schedule
MD1: Wella (L 2-1)
MD2: The Belmore Family (away or @Bishop County Stadia, West Finnen)
MD3: Audioslavia (away or @ TroutCo Field, Cana)
MD4: Rittarstan (away or @ Narobi Stadia, Mogada)
MD5: Black Yellow (away or @ Ital Memorial Grandstands, Jaxx)
MD6: Wella (away or at Easten National Arena, Eastentown)
MD7: The Belmore Family (away @ Bishop County Stadia, West Finnen)
MD8: Audioslavia (away or @ TroutCo Field, Cana)
MD9: Rittarstan (away or @ Narobi Stadia, Mogada)
MD10: Black Yellow (@ Ital Memorial Grandstands, Jaxx)

Stars come up empty in opener

Portland (ASP) -- Perhaps Sarzonian national football team Coach Dave Wilson knew something the rest of the world didn't. Wilson, normally known throughout the football world for his sense of humour and his high-wattage smile, was downright somber throughout pre-World Cup qualifying. Players such as midfielder and team captain Darwin Russell noticed Wilson was more tense than usual in spite of the team's Round of Sixteen appearance in World Cup XXI.

Whatever the case, the Stars opened the World Cup XXII campaign with a goalless draw to the lowest-ranked team in Group 8 and left with more questions than answers.

"We were just disjointed in the attack," Wilson said. "It looked like we couldn't string two passes together to save our lives. We played like we hadn't practiced together in a month and that's the most disappointing part of this." Wilson dismissed talk that starting out with a draw was better than starting with a loss.

"Look, we can't afford to give points away," Wilson said. "There are only 10 matches in World Cup qualifying this time and to lose at home to a team that's ranked in the 140s like Spirit Nation is just disgraceful." When a reporter reminded Wilson the team earned a draw, he slammed his fist against the desk.

"As far as the players are concerned and as far as I'm concerned, we lost. Plain and simple. I don't give a damn what anyone else says and I don't give a damn what the standings say. We lost, okay? If you want to come out with all your limbs working properly, you'll shut up about it. Next question."

The team will face Nova Mercia away in the next match and the team said Wilson called for a 7:00 a.m. practice session.

"He does that when he's [ticked off]," forward Brian Wilson said. "The way we played, he had every right to be."

Street Past First Hurdle
Couldn't Be Easier

At the Roegrow Grass Patch today, the Streetians took full advantage of familiarity with their home pitch (sorry, mud), and sent themselves into the top position of Group 15 in the World Cup Qualifiers. With only ten games, slip-ups can prove very costly, and g'irgah Christine Andrews was very pleased.

"Of course, we couldn't play as well as we wanted on this pitch, and that is unfortunate. However, we have a contract that all clubs in international club competitions have to get an international match, and this was the easiest way out of it."

Roegrow's fans were furious that Mrs Andrews didn't show herself as more of a local patriot, saying that "our pitch is perfectly good enough and she should know that as she's been a fan for ages. If she doesn't want the team to play here she shouldn't let them, she has influence at the Department and should fix the fixture list."

On the match, there's not much to tell. Team debutant Travis Robertson was man of the match, assisting one goal for a rampant Rhianna Peters, who also had another few chances to score goals. However, she couldn't put it behind a good Austian keeper, who was eventually beaten by substitute Thorir Pickaxe's volley shot with what we suspect is his knee.

Now awaits The Evil Umpire away - a tricky match, but one where the Streetians will hope to take three points if they are to remain in firm control of the group. With the favourites to challenge, Lethislavania and Five Civilized Nations, both recording relatively simple one-goal wins at home, Cockbill Street's opponents aren't giving them any help.

In other news, Squornshelous, Audioslavia, Spaam, Kingsford, Bedistan and Total n Utter Insanity ALL top their qualifying groups - that is, six of the fourteen teams remaining from World Cup 6. Add to that that a pre-World Cup 6 team is hosting, and we spot a conspiracy.

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Woah Black Yellow, Bam-a-lam
'Slaves get first win from first game


Before the game, a representative from the Audioslavian F.C. asked a Black Yellow representative what colours they would be playing in as their home strip. "Black and Yellow stripes" replied the Blackyellan. After being asked what the away kit was, he replied "Yellow and Black stripes". Audioslavia lined up in white.

The game was a chance for the Audioslavian squad to sink their teeth into some proper international football, and Jan-Arne Hellstrom did just that, scoring a bullet header from ten yards in the first half.

Pierre Cesare's thirty-fifth minute volley made it 2-0, and the 'slaves started to relax.

Final Score. Audioslavia 2, Black Yellow 0.

Karelic against Stumperia

The Orange-Blues started their qualification campaign with a win 1:0 over Stumperia. The Hexatux ordered a highly defensive tactic. One could have the feeling that several va'karela'ny were pointed at the field. In totally unrelated notes, a huge group of rejistanian fans were clad the traditional hanta-inikresaist yellow robes.

On the rejistanian side, many substitutes played. Haxa I Sira and Syku Hanmatu had their first ever international appearances and both showed their potential. Syku Hanmatu has proven to be a typical karelan striker (as much as this concept exists) she had one chance in the entire match and scored the goal in this match.

Co-Coach Siki Rej was pleased with the the match. He said: "This match was really beautiful! I did doubt why the Hexatux has selected a 8-0-2, but look how it worked out, just fine!" Syku Hanmatu later commented: "This is not the H1SMR (1st female league, the editor), a totally different class. It is a good thing to be able to play here."

The score:
Rejistania 1 (Hanmatu 64th)
Stumperia 0

A message from OAF President, Joe Staplin;

Ladies and gentlemen of the Bureaucratic States; I am proud to report to you, that on their return to the World Cup, Oglethorpia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8690275&postcount=37) has held match 1 opponents Crystilakere to a total of zero goals!

Unfortunately, a 2nd half blunder resulted in two own goals by bemused defender Ed Head. While at first it seems as if it is a positive thing that Oglethorpia has failed to lose to an opponent, consider this; Oglethorpia is so bad, we make ourselves lose. Nevermind Crystalwhatevers is 9th ranked; that had nothing to do with it.

[pause]

No, most certainly not.

Well, maybe. All the same, thru one match Oglethorpia is 0-0-1; already on their way to my prediction of a 2-2-6 qualifying run.

And yet still, in the fruition of the predictions of a disastrous qualifying run, we must still have hope.

Some, at least.

MATCH STATS
Brought to you by Amalgamated Industries

CRYSTILAKERE 2
OGLETHORPIA 0 (Ed Head 46, 57th own goals)

WARRIORS BLOW GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY

The Praying2God Warriors blew a golden opportunity to get off to a good start in WC XXII by not mentally showing up for a match they should have won easily against Bryn Shander. As a result, not only did the Warriors not garner the three points they should have, they neglected to even garner a point. Needless to say, Warriors Head Coach Paul Johnson was outraged and refused to let his players talk to the media after the match. All he had to say was, "We can't afford to fail to show up mentally for any of our qualifying matches. Another loss like this and we'll finish last in our group, for sure."

~ A slow start as usual. ~


Slaikau 0 Gaian Ascendancy 0



Region 11 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Vilita 3 1 0 0 4:0 4
2. Kylaai 1 0 1 0 1:1 0
Davistand 1 0 1 0 1:1 0
4. Gaian Ascendancy 1 0 1 0 0:0 0
Slaikau 1 0 1 0 0:0 0
6. Bestiville 0 0 0 1 0:4 -4


GANN Sports Desk: ~ "We just did what we had to do. We always seem to start out slow in the big tourneys." ..said Seraphim Keeper Kelse Howe, after they hold nil with Slaikau today.

Despite about four attempts per side, and the Seraphims managing to hold the midfield just over 50.3%, the Gaians settle for a dull match result. Ian Andersen had the only real attempt on goal at the 49th minute, as the Gaians tried their usual trickery. However the minor jitters of first day play and a bit of rust on the legs led to a shot way too high, not even hitting the goal bar.

Slaikau's best attempt came in the 34th minute, after a deft catch of a pass by the Slaikau ????? caught Defender Xan Tsgen flatfooted just long enough for a solid kick to make Howe make a strong block to save goal.

"We came in knowing it's been awhile since CoH and a real tourney like this. All the friendlies in the Republic can't make up for this level of competition." Coach Kerensky responded to her squad's play today. "We'll get ourselves whipped into shape. It's a long tourney, and that still plays to our developing style."

..she then quipped... "Slaikau should just be glad it all didn't go into extra time." ..she said with a curvy smile.

Now comes Kylaai, and the Seraphims will be looking hard to catch up to Vilita, the only team to take a clear lead in match play today.

National Team Starters vs. Kylaai:

Keeper: (Home Guard)
GK: Kelse Howe

Defenders: (Shield)
RWD: Azrael Bekker
LWD: Julian Masaki
CD: Xan Tsgen

Midfielders: (Armor)
LW: Fasha Clark
RW: Eros Maine
CFM: Russel Issac
CRM: Pryde Tamara

Strikers: (Sword)
LF: Sean Masaki
RF: Richard Kreese
CF: Ian Andersen

The worry at the moment is holding form, as health is no concern whatsoever. "We just need to keep limber, and we'll bring it to them over the next nine remaining days." Andersen said in response to queries about being too overconfident after CoH. "Could be, but then look at where we were after day one in WC21 and MD1 of CoH XIII.

It's not all that it's cracked up to be. Just give us some time."

And to the continuing gripe Praying2God seems to be having with the Seraphims, Andersen commented probably out of bounds, but quipped pointing to the tabulation of MD1 results, and the P2G score.

"...I think they have more pressing worries than us at the moment."

Oh Yea, We're Playing Again

Really? It's been so long, I thought we'd joined the NHL or something...

I miss the NHL.

The NHL doesnt exist on here you fool, so we can't talk about it.

You're the one that brought it up retard

Oh yea, well mine was just comparitive analysis, you're trying to attach feelings to it!

Yea, whatever you say, somehow you just turned talking about the NSWC into a discussion about the NHL that doesn't even exist here.

No, you did that by saying you missed the NHL and attaching feeling to it.

What are you talking about, I never would have said that if you didn't bring it to my attention in the first place, it's your fault.

Whatever, can we just get on topic and talk about the NSWC? You know I'm right anway.

You aren't right! You brought it up! You said NHL! How can you argue this!

I'm not arguing, I stated a fact now lets move on.

Fine, lets move on, but don't start talking about the NHL again.

I didn't start talking about the NHL, I just mentioned the NHL, you are the one that was talking about it.

Shut up, please. Lets talk about the World Cup dammit.

Fine, you gave up, I win.

What the hell, if it means that much to you, fine, I HAVE FEELINGS FOR THE NHL! FORBID I HAVE FEELINGS! There does that make you feel better?

Whatever, on to the game.

Yea, so we're playing this again

Yea, ladeeda ladeedee we're off to World Cup Twenty-Three

It's only World Cup 22 you jack.

No, you're wrong, it's World Cup 22 Qualifying

Do you have to argue everything? Seriously, I think something is really wrong with you.

No I don't have to argue everything, but if you are wrong I'm going to correct you.

Whatever, the only reason I came over here was to act blase' about the World Cup starting again as if it didn't really matter, but then you have to turn all controversial and attack every little thing that anyone says for no reason whatsoever other than your own personal satisfaction. The whole feeling of my mood is just shot, the moment is ruined, my whole blase' speech is ruined.

You had a speech? How lame, haha. Dork.

Yea my dork is bigger than yours.

Yea, whatever that means...

Hah, yea, good attitude. So yea, the World Cup is starting again, who cares right...

Well I'm sure the players care, they are out there, and the fans, some of them show up to the qualifiers...

You know what, why do I even bother talking to you? I'm trying to have a damn conversation about how no one really cares as much about the damn qualifiers anymore!

Try telling that to the teams that have never made the finals... I'm sure they care about qualifying...

Do you speak for all teams? Is Slaikau in this cup? Whens the last time they cared about qualifying...

Well, we know one person who doesn't care about the cup, they are in our freaking group...

I know, it was a setup for a conversation about... you know what, this is really pointless, you just aren't going to cooperate are you?

Whatever. Do you even know the score of the game?

Yes I know the damn score you fracking lunatic. We beat some stupid new team 4-0. Antonis Siazzu and Callum Banda scored in the first ten minutes and Riccardo Appolloni and Tanner Nerni scored in the second half. Rueben Laberge even got to start the game! I didnt miss a second of the match! It was a shame when Rueben hurt himself half an hour in though!

So I guess the Cup ain't dead after all...

Yea, I guess you're right.

See, I told you it was your fault.

What? My fault? What are you talking about?

The NHL, you brought it up, you just admitted it, you said I was right!

What the! You! I was talking about..! What the!

I know, I know, It's okay, you don't have to apologize.

Marmadukes In Thy Homely Estate
Nonesuch Luck, Nonesuch Street
Sir Peter d’Gradburg, Ye Olde Printing Press Newspaper

Verily, what a truly magical start thy Marmadukes had to this, the World Cup Qualifiers, twenty-second of that name. Who would have thought that the team who was almost absent from their first qualifier against thee then reigning champions of thy NationStating world, Vilita, could verily win against a sea of outrageous accusation and a squad that outranks them? Marry, it be stuff for a saga.

The combatants strode forth onto thy pitch as if they were King Cock (its not a double entendre if its the Middle Ages, mind you): thy highly strung Nonesuch Street and thy true heroes, prithee, thy Marmadukes. Thy battle was set in an atmosphere of hostility in the NSS territory. Thy Marmadukes were verily underdogs; however, like Romeo and Juliet, thee Marmadukes triumphed over adversity and won the game.

The trademarked defence of the Marmadukes came to the aft of the ship that was thy game with many-a defender fending off many-an attack. Prithee, it were not all traffic in one direction, no my lord, thy heroic and championous Marmadukes struck back with the ferocity of an esquilax. Troy Champion provided both scored marks, and marry, his first goals since thy Marmadukes were endowed with life by thee Creator. Both were strikes of magnificence, rivalled only by thy magnificence of Charles Magnus of the Holy Roman Empire, and from a distance that a trebuchet would have, prithee, trouble matching. With godlike skill and grace, and from beyond even the farthest reaches of thy opposing goaltender, Champion’s balls hit home.

Thee Nonesuch Street crowd were verily disappointed with thy turn of events but, as thoust art sayeth in Gradburg, tough shit (now that the LSMN are in control, instead of the LSMC, we can swear all we like: marry, fuck, crappyass-ho, etc). Truly, a performance was played out by the Marmdukes that matched their higher ranked brethren, and verily, thy earned it with their toil, girt by sea. Thy Marmadukes have begunth well but there are still nine games to play before the long road to thy World Cup begins. We all knoweth how hubris ends…

Jeruselem Government News

World Cup XXI - Day I

Jeruselem and Turori started the World Cup XXI with 2-0 wins,
albeit over much weak opponents but wins are wins.

Jeruselem beat U21 rivals Fimble loving peoples 2-0 to provide the start people want and the favourite Turori wasn't scared of evil. Their win over Sacred Evil, put the top 2 teams in top spots.

The Jeruselem World Cup XXII is effectively the U21C14 team, and Fimble loving peoples must have known their capabilities when the teams met on the pitch again. Sure enough, the result was much the same as well. The Jeruselem coach said "Well, we were a little slow and didn't get going. Too wasteful but at least our defense did it's job. We must improve!"

Bryn Shander scored a 1-0 over Jeruselem's rival Praying2God.
This team are unknown to Jeruselem, but a win over P2G has surprised many.
It means you can't write them off if they continue repeat these results.

Jeruselem 2 Fimble loving peoples 0
Praying2God 0 Bryn Shander 1
Turori 2 Sacred Evil 0


Region 13 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Turori 3 1 0 0 2:0 2
Jeruselem 3 1 0 0 2:0 2
3. Bryn Shander 3 1 0 0 1:0 1
4. Praying2God 0 0 0 1 0:1 -1
5. Fimble loving peoples 0 0 0 1 0:2 -2
Sacred Evil 0 0 0 1 0:2 -2

Dave (of the Druidan Intelligence Service) has returned to the Presidential office, where he is being briefed by a helper of President Smith.

Dave: "I'm so glad you're having me back after the whole Jemima Jaffacake incident."

Unnamed helper: "Well, the President wasn't too keen, but my thoughts were that no-one would suspect you were the DIS after what happened. It's all ingenious, really."

Dave: "So, what do you want me to do?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, the story goes that before Bedistan played Vilita in the World Cup 21 quarter final, two young Bedistani boys played the game out on their WCC'70 computer games for a bit of fun (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8504733&postcount=454)."

Dave: "70?"

Unnamed helper: "They number the calendar differently over there. When they were in 2070, we were only in 2010 in Druida. Plus we have 13 months a year, they have twelve. Anyway, when the match took place, the score was a freakishly odd 8-7 to Bedistan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8512873&postcount=458), and that is how the boys' game ended."

Dave: "That is kinda odd. But who are they?"

Unnamed helper: "That's where you come in. First, you must find these boys. Then, you should bring them to Druida, where they'll play as Druida on WCC'74, or '14 as it'll be here. It can't go wrong!"

Dave: "No. It can't."

'Not a Pretty Start'
Starblaydia held by BoF Champs

Starblaydia handed debut World Cup caps to Garth Terrenson, Gbenga Ogunniya and substitute Tyree Vang against Bettia in the opening match of their World Cup Qualifying Campaigns.

The three debutants had their own Baptism of Fire, coming up against a promising-looking side from Bettia who came through a tough BoF in Vilita and Legalese before coming to Starblaydia.

The enthusiasm from the visitors was evident for all to see as they tried their best to come at the vastly more experienced Starblaydia side.

Thaddeus Gonzalez was unbeatable in goal for the entire ninety minutes. Though the back of his net did billow at one point, the referee agreed with Gonzalez's assessment of the situation - that he was unfairly impeded by a Bettian player.

Though Darius Belizaire and Zhorin Tumunzahar looked sometimes deadly, neither of them managed a decent shot on goal, though Thanh Madray hit the woodwork. In a match where both goalkeepers probably deserved the Man-of-the-Match award, goals were never forthcoming.

Starblaydia will be looking to move on and overcome San Verdi, a team they haven't met for seven years, and that was in the Under-21 World Cup, no less. That match was a four-nil win for Starblaydia, including a single goal from Tumunzahar and a brace from Ogunniya.

The Starblaydi fans were amsued somewhat by the Bettian 'DiTorino'. Checking back through the history books tells us why: Under-21 World Cup 3, Starblaydia's front-three included strikers Simeone Di Bradini and Ricky Torino. Is DiTorino some kind of crazy genetic experiment from their combined DNA? Probably not. But you never know. At least we didn't lose.


Related Player Records:
Senior Under-21
Name Caps Goals Caps Goals
Simeone Di Bradini 84* 44* 4 3
Ricky Torino 11 2 4 2

* indicates Starblayi Record

An clip from a press conference with Parkin (Bestiville forward)

"It was the worst start we could have hoped for" Aaron Parkin, Bestiville forward remarked at a press conference, "Due to our most acclaimed player being injured (James) we haven't been on top form. Our team are just not motivated."

ooc
LARGE COLORFUL TITLES PROVEN TO CAUSE EXTREME ANNOYANCE

ic

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

I PHART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION
Stupid scorinations leave Svecia with upsetting draw, but not as bad a result as Eauz losing to Anarquistan...damn governmentless peoples

In an annoying quasi-upset, the Lightning of Svecia were held to a scoreless draw with a team ranked 150th in the world. The little gnats of Umphart were able to turn away every Lightning attack. Svecia outshot the Umpharts 22-3 but failed to turn their blitzkrieg attack into goals. What a bummer.

Total n Utter Insanity to face Hockey Canada

Title says it all

Well, if you've read this far you'd realize that Hockey Canada will play against the top-ranked team in the world. But Hockey Canada won't use this as an excuse if they lose, they'll use this next game as a learning experience to see how much they measure up against the top team.

We may not be the best, but we're giving it all we got.

"Good morning gentlemen - I now bring this meeting of BBC Sport (the [b]Bettian[b] Broadcasting Corporation - what is this 'British' malarky all about anyway?) to order. First of all, are there any apologies for absences."

"Yes, I've been asked to apologise on behalf of Mr Trevithick for his continued abscence, due to him being dead for a year."

"Very funny. Anyone else? No? okay. First of all, well done on our coverage so far. Apart from a few hiccups, its been rather top notch. Now then, we've got Bettia's first home game of the World Cup coming up soon, and I think we need some sort of angle, you know, to play to the masses and all that crap. Who is it we're playing?"

"Ermm.... EL CID THE HERO."

"EL CID eh? Are they some sort of non-league shite that our boys will breeze through?"

"Ummm... oh hang on.... they're, um, ranked seventy places above us sir."

"Ah, right. So I suppose arrogant, over-confident pre-match predictions of a thumping home win are out of the question then?"

"Looks like it."

"Okay then, what about EL CID themselves... what colour do they play in?"

"Erm... lets see... it says here they play in red and yellow."

"Ah right, so we can't take the piss out of them for playing in a nightmarishly garish kit then? Damn!! Is there anything we can go on? I mean, whats their nickname?"

"It's the erm.... ohh look at that bird out there!"

"Jenkins?"

"That really nice that. Lovely plumage."

"JENKINS!!"

"Oh sorry sir. Their nickname? It's the erm... the Lions sir."

"The what?!? Speak up boy!"

"Lions! They're nicknamed the Lions! I'm sorry sir, please don't hit me!"

"Lions!?!? LIONS?!"

** holds head in hands, remembering what happened the last time Bettia played 'The Lions' (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8677952&postcount=51) **

"Ohhhh... here comes that bloody migraine again. I can't believe the complaints we had after that. Okay so we got some great coverage, but the complaints. What was it that shady looking fellow shouted at me in the street... 'I keeeel you you steeenking sheeethead'... what was up with that guy anyway?"

"If its any consolation sir, I don't think we'll be able to do THAT for a while."

"Why not?"

"Lorshill Safari Park have no lions left. The Aroras finished them all. Even **sob** poor little Fluffy! Waaaah!"

"Pull yourself together man! **SLAP!** I'm sorry, I had to do that. Now then, it's the team's first home game since our cup win, so perhaps we should go with a celebration homecoming type theme?"

"Hmmm... if you ask me, thats sound pretty corny. Why don't we just, ooh I dunno, stop some supporters as they're coming into the Gasworks and ask them for their thoughts?"

"Okay... so what about the other teams? We got Starblaydia - good team, got 'star' and 'blade' in their name, plenty of potential. Lykaia - sounds like a furniture superstore to me. San Verdi - ummm... yes, well we'll come back to that one. And Beanestan - aren't they the ones that everyone keeps spelling wrong?"

"Heh... Besanesastan. No wait, it Beasneststin. No, it's Blurblurblurlestan."

** weak, forced laughter in the boardroom followed by stony silence directed at the unfortunate would-be comedian **

"Oh dear. I think I'll um.. I'll leave you guys to it."

the following actions happened between the hours of 8pm and 9pm.

doomhammer is at his desk reading the newspaper. S.Sam walks in with some paper in his hand.

SS: good news sir. the BBC seams to...

DH: how did you do that?

SS: do what?

DH: the BBC seams

SS: the copyright layers called and gave me a talking to. Anyway the BBC have the fear of god in them about our match. it to do with complaints and something about a Fluffy of some sort.

DH: how do you know this?

SS: we've bugged all of the team’s headquarters.

DH: ... I see. Why?

SS: well you see it could be useful if you know what i mean ;).

DH: got you.

SS: …you know why right?

DH: would it matter?

SS: if we know what the other team are thinking and planing, we can use it against them.

DH: I see…hum…yes…

SS: IS ANY OF THIS GETTING THROUGH!!

DH: not really.

SS: FOR THE LOVE OF…

[40 mins later]

SS: … and THAT is why we have to bug their headquarters.

DH: oh I see. That’s good. well keep it up then.

SS: ok sir. I will.

MD2 Scores are up! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8722784&postcount=3)

Well, if you've read this far you'd realize that Hockey Canada will play against the top-ranked team in the world. But Hockey Canada won't use this as an excuse if they lose

Top Five excuses Hockey Canada will use.

Number 1: There was no ice on the pitch.
Number 2: It was too warm.
Number 3: They ran out of beer.
Number 4: It was moose hunting season.
Number 5: They weren't sure what it was all aboot, eh?

NEDALIA LIONS PROFILE OF THE DAY

NENE:

Only 18 years of age, Nene has already set the Nedalian footballing scene on fire. This offensive minded left winger first featured in the U21 World Cup 14, he was the most important force in the team’s blitzering run to the finals of the tournament. He is already one of the most important players on the senior Lions squad despite his young age. Born in Kafra, he signed for Shoreland United when he was 17 years old, in the inaugural season of the Nedalia Premier League, after his spectacular display in the U21 World Cup.

The first sign of things to come was against Lovisa, in Group D of the U21 World Cup 14, when Nene stormed his way into the international limelight with a 2 goal performance. He did not let up, and in 7 U21 games, he scored 6 goals. The backbone of the Lions U21 team that featured in U21 World Cup 14, he can beat any defender with his magnificent skills and pace. Not only that, but his shot is as strong as anyone else, giving this 18 year old wonder skills that any player would be envious of.

Despite having a good tournament, Nene and the senior Lions squad fell short of expectations, falling out in the Quarter-Finals of the Baptism of Fire Cup to eventual winners Bettia. This provided a wake up call to the player, who understood he had to put in twice the effort to compete on the senior stage, and since has improved immensely over the course of the first NPL season. Currently, with 10 games played, he has scored 7 goals, helping Shoreland United to 2nd place in the League, behind Rappor by 1 point. He has earned 4 senior caps to date, scoring 2 goals.

Cana City Press
Yeah, we shrunk it since the LARGE COLORFUL TITLES epidemic hit us

Klerington Leads Kodiaks In Injury Time, Score Win

Chicanada 2 : 1 The Belmore Family

CANA - After letting one slip by yesterday, the Kodiaks made sure to get the upper hand today, as Chicanadan Captian (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8610929&postcount=9) Samuel Klerington scored the go ahead goal in injury time for a 2-1 victory against The Belmore Family.

Similarly to yesterday's qualifier against Wella, the Kodiaks got stuck in a rut early with TBF taking an early lead before the Kodiaks knotted things up at the end of the first half. After a very defensive second half, Klerington got a lucky bounce past the Belmorian keeper as injury time started to lift the Kodiaks to a victory they missed due to a similar bounce in the opposite direction.

Coach Viladetta was unavailable for comment due to committments by AS Cana in Douala right after the match, but several players expressed joy at holding off TBF, which goes alongside their 2-1 upset of Hiiraam last year Chicanada has for major victories.

Next up for the Kodiaks is a matchup against #5 Audioslavia, who has pounded their previous opponents BlackYellow and Rittarstan, who the Kodiaks will face afterwards. The match is either here or there (we think here in Cana) and will be aired at 3500 CST provided the "LARGE COLORFUL TITLES" epidemic that has spread around the NSWC world does not cause major seizures for the teams.

Chicanada Schedule
MD1: Wella (L 2-1)
MD2: The Belmore Family (W 2-1)
MD3: Audioslavia (away or @ TroutCo Field, Cana)
MD4: Rittarstan (away or @ Narobi Stadia, Mogada)
MD5: Black Yellow (away or @ Ital Memorial Grandstands, Jaxx)
MD6: Wella (away or at Easten National Arena, Eastentown)
MD7: The Belmore Family (away @ Bishop County Stadia, West Finnen)
MD8: Audioslavia (away or @ TroutCo Field, Cana)
MD9: Rittarstan (away or @ Narobi Stadia, Mogada)
MD10: Black Yellow (@ Ital Memorial Grandstands, Jaxx)

Vikings win again, top Group 12 after two

Shelly Berry and Jorge Mendel scored early to put Fmjphoenix up early, and Mike Nolan closed it later with another goal to ensure the Vikings of their second straight win and the number one spot in group 12 by defeating Anarquistan 3-1.

Fmjphoenix arived in Anarquistan late because they thought they were supposed to go to Euroslavia, but the schedule error was not shown until later. But they arrived ready to play nonetheless. The match started off quickly for the Vikings. After the Anarquistanians first shot was cleared out by Powell Lamar, the attack was on. It took the Vikings only 6 minutes to get up the pitch to the other side. When they got the first goal of the match from long time captian Jorge Mendel. Mendel recieved a pass from Nolan, who was double teamed when trying to go for a shot. That left Mendel with a one on one with the goalkeeper and easily defeated him and scored at the 18th minute. Anarquistan came back fast though. Their main forward ran up into the box and recieved a pass from a midfielder that went through the legs of Bobby Bash and had a one on one with Lamar that barely went past his hands to even the score at 1 on the 21st minute. But Shelly Berry provided an equalizer not but 5 minutes later. A bad pass from Jason Mitchell found its way into an Anarquistan midfielder, but it was knocked loose from behind by Larry Brown. The loose ball was collected by Dave Daniels and pass forward to Nolan. Nolan and Berry were alone for a two on one. Nolan crossed to Berry who put it over the goalkeeper for the Vikings second goal at the 26th minute. With the Vikings up 2-1, GQ decided to make a few substitutions and played a defensive 3-5-2 for the remainded of the half. It worked, as Anarquistan only managed to take one more shot against Lamar, one that went wide right. The Vikings went in at the half feeling good about their first half performence.

The Vikings did not come out hard in the second half. They opted to sit back and see what Anarquistan would do. They tried to press hard, but by sitting back, the Vikings were prepared for the attack. The Anarquistan attack was stopped by Lamar when he caught a very poorly shot ball that had no chance of getting past. The ball was swooped up and tossed right back to a running Brown. An Anarquistan midfielder stepped in the way to try and stop him, but Brown quickly ran around and continued forward. He looked like he wanted to take a shot, but a defender started to get in front of him so he passed left to Nolan, who shot from 20 feet out. The goalkeeper looked ready for it, but he could not get to it. The ball went flying past for the Vikings third goal of the match at the 68th minute. With the third goal, GQ decided to change things around, moving the team into a 4-4-2 keeping Daniels and bringing Alex Rivera to fill in at forward. He kept that formation for the remainder of the match. Anarquistan would never get closer than midfield, as the Vikings reserves were swarming. Man of the match was awarded to Powell Lamar for his supurb goalkeeping.

After two matches, the Vikings find themselves sitting in a great position. They are ranked first in the group with 5 goals for and only 2 against. Next up for Fmjphoenix is the late addition of the group. Eauz. They suprisingly lost to Anarquistan, but turned around and handed a great performence in defeating Dance 2 Revolution. The Vikings will have to play hard and attack fast and often against a very expierenced side. This should be a very good match and is expected to be close.

Fmjphoenix: 3 - Anarquistan: 1
Mendel 18, Berry 26, Nolan 68 - Unknown 21

Fmjphoenix World Cup XXII Schedule:
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs The Weegies - Win 2-1
MD02: Anarquistan vs Fmjphoenix - Win 3-1
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Eauz -
MD04: Dance 2 Revolution vs Fmjphoenix -
MD05: Fmjphoenix vs Euroslavia -
MD06: The Weegies vs Fmjphoenix -
MD07: Fmjphoenix vs Anarquistan -
MD08: Eauz vs Fmjphoenix -
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Dance 2 Revolution -
MD10: Euroslavia vs Fmjphoenix -
Record: 2-0-0

Vikings Goalscoreres:
Nolan - 2
Berry - 1
Daniels - 1
Mendel - 1

Stars roll a six

Go figure the Sarzonian national football team. After opening the World Cup XXII qualifying season with a thud in a scoreless draw at home to 141st ranked Spirit Nation, the 15th ranked Stars travelled to a team tied for 80th in the world rankings and throttled them 6-0, setting national records for most goals and widest margin of victory in a single match.

"We played focused football out there," Coach Dave Wilson said. "Dare I say it, we played angry. [Forward Brian] Wilson was a man possessed."

The former national team captain certainly played like his pride had been hurt following the scoreless draw. He scored a natural hat trick just 22 minutes into the match and ended up with a career high five goals. Team captain Darwin Russell was the only other Star to dent the back of the net.

"We didn't want to start off with two losses or draws," Brian Wilson said. "We were challenged to play like we're capable of playing and we finally did that."

Dave Wilson said the team would practice at its normal time of 10:30 in the morning after two straight 7:00 a.m. training sessions. He finally flashed a bit of his sense of humour when he explained the change.

"I can't keep getting up that early," he laughed. "I think the message was sent loud and clear so we really didn't need to call another early practice. Unless of course we've got to share the field with the circus."

Its Not Unusual To Score Four Against (San) Verdi
Da da-da-da-da-daaaaa!

Starblaydia went back to basics for this match and ended up crushing San Verdi in a Four-Two scoreline.

Quite aptly, having 'Baptised' three players into the international scene against Bettia, two more 'green' players were given substitute appearances for their first World Cup Qualifying Cap. Alejo Cuevo, earning his first ever senior Cap, came on with Surachai Buathiang, earning his fourth to add to the three he picked up in Liverpool England as a late Four Nations Invitational call-up.

Gbenga D.J. Ogunniya got the party started early when his long-range shot took a heavy deflection that completely wrong-footed the San Verdi 'keeper. Ogunniya was still credited with the goal, however. By the time San Verdi managed a goal of their own, Starblaydia were already three-nil up thanks to a brace from Syku Lyku-Agbayani.

The little half-Rejistanian found more confidence with his place 'in the hole' behind the front two, mostly thanks to Ogunniya pushing forward in support. It is often said that Ogunniya is better going forwards than back, as his goalscoring abilities in the Vilitan Stellar League have proved.

Though three-one was acceptable, Starlblaydia still weren't finished. Darius Belizaire grabbed a goal of his own, perhaps driven on my the desire to keep pace with Lyku-Agbayani's scoring feats. Both players were on 13 international goals before this game started, and
Lyku-Agbayani's fifteenth has equalled the benchmark-total of the team's assistant manager, Nikola "Laser" Lazerevski. Darius Belizaire, however, is hot on his heels with 14.


Related Player Records:
Senior Under-21
Name Caps Goals Caps Goals
Darius Belizaire 28 14 16 15
Syku Lyku-Agbayani 25 15 11 4
Gbenga D.J. Ogunniya 12 5 23* 5

* indicates Starblayi Record

Stars supporters seeing Red (and Black)

Woodstock (ASP) -- With former Stars assistant coach Barry Owens now serving as the manager of the Legalese national team, supporters are turning to the standings in Group 1 as well as their own Group 8. A

"He was a huge part of the national team programme for years," stock broker David Channing of Nicksia's Stock Exchange said. "We've been wondering when he'd get a go at coaching a team of his own. It's too bad he couldn't wait until Dave Wilson retired."

A series of collective groans came from various sports bars around the country as they watched the Black and Red play to a 0-0 draw against Funny Looking Islands in Owens' coaching debut, with many supporters upset over the clear fouls by Funny Looking Islands players that went uncalled and some screaming in agony when a Legalese free kick went wide. The loudest cheers that didn't involve the stars came when Owens was introduced as the head coach in the broadcast.

When Legalese defeated Umphart 4-2 to give Owens his first coaching victory, the crowd at the Watering Hole in Portland, Somerset was nearly as loud for the Red and Black as they were for the Stars 6-0 win over Nova Mercia.

"We hope the Black and Red are going to qualify now," telephone operator Tracee Brathwaite said. "We'll root for them all the way -- until they face us, that is." Brathwaite said that the previous rivalry between the Black and Red wasn't a factor in her decision to root for the team.

"That was a different team, this is a different team," she said. "Besides, Barry's a fan favourite. He'll be that way unless he gets his lads to beat us in the Finals."

~ Seraphims draw for second day ~


Group 11
--------
Davistand 0:5 Vilita
Bestiville 0:3 Slaikau
Gaian Asendancy 2:2 Kylaai



Group 11
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Po
--------------------------------------------
1. Vilita 2 2 0 0 9 0 +9 6
2. Slaikau 2 1 1 0 3 0 +3 4
3. Kylaai 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 2
4. Gaian Ascendancy 2 0 2 0 2 2 0 2
5. Davistand 2 0 1 1 1 6 -5 1
6. Bestiville 2 0 0 2 0 7 -7 0


GANN Sports Desk: ~ "I blew it for us with that slip up." ..says a dejected Kelse Howe. This as yet again the Seraphims have to settle for a draw, one not helping their attempts to do better than the last World Cup. Even with no losses yet, the Gaians still sit lower than they expected for themselves.

The Kylaai squad proved up to their world ranking, as they quickly stole the lead at the 4th minute, taking the Gaian Defense aback with the Kylaai Strikers skill. They then kept the Gaians off balance until the 37th minute, when Gaian Midder Russel Issac intercepted an errant pass, and sent it wode to the left side to Striker Sean Masaki. A deft fake out put the goal open and the ball away for the equalizer.

This lasted into the second half, as the Kylaai Midfield kept trying to take the midfield. However another Kylaai fumble caused the Gaians a second interception, and all but a mirror result at the 54th minute, and the 2-1 lead seemed assured.

That was until the 86th minute, and the Gaians made a bad fubarb, as the midfielders tried to clear the ball, but a 'very' alert Kylaai Midfielder made a brilliant header, one that shot like a bullet into a nearly deserted Gaian backfield. As a result, The Kylaai lead striker caught Howe out of position and shot in the game equalizer, and a shot to the hearts of Republic fans.

"If nothing else, the World Cup is a big fat reminder to teams that play below skill, to expect to get hit hard." Ian Andersen commented to onfield reporters.

"No, no panic. There's still eight days, and sooner or later we'll get up to speed, and we still expect to go deep in this tourney. And yes we do note who we will face next. We intentd to rise to the challenge.

What strikes us so far is that after two days, it's two draws instead of two losses. And we 'could' have won both games, unlike last time we had no real clear chance.

We are improving, and tomorrow might suprise some people, if enough luck falls our way, which were suddenly due for." Coach Kerensky commented at the press Conference at Gaian National Stadium in Jurai`alheim.

"We said it from the start, we still have something to prove, and Vilita isn't invincible. Just that little extra luck is all we need." Sean Masaki also commneted at the conference.

National Team Starters vs. Vilita:

Keeper: (Home Guard)
GK: Kelse Howe

Defenders: (Shield)
RWD: Azrael Bekker
LWD: Julian Masaki
CD: Xan Tsgen

Midfielders: (Armor)
LW: Fasha Clark
RW: Eros Maine
CFM: Russel Issac
CRM: Pryde Tamara

Strikers: (Sword)
LF: Sean Masaki
RF: Richard Kreese
CF: Ian Andersen

Already Republic fans are anticipating this matchup, with away ticket seats already sold out a week before the Cup began.

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Movin' on up

MEGALOPOLIS CITY (BT) - For the first time in 19+ years, Amalgamated Stadium in the capital of the Bureaucratic States would be seeing a World Cup qualifying match. 45th ranked Haperd would meet 150th ranked Oglethorpia on its home field, for what many felt would be another brutal blow to national moral in the squad (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8690275&postcount=37).

"What's the past tense of 'happy?' Haperd!" quipped Oglethorpian Association of Football President Joe Staplin (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8677322&postcount=53). "Man, that was dumb," he added.

After 90 minutes on the pitch it turns out Oglethorpia would be 'haperd,' having secured a draw against the vastly superior opposing side.

"We're movin' on up; first a defeat, now a draw, maybe we'll squeak out a win. Or maybe i'll toss in a nice little disclaimer to dissuade any rabid Oglethorpian fans from thinking my enthusiasm is real or authentic in any way," added Staplin.

Early on in the match 'gramistanian player Anton Kremlov scored a goal against Generic Haperd Goalie #1; a well placed grounder from a pass by Billiam Christmas.

Just 10 minutes later Kremlov scored his second in the 25th, this time a header off of a corner kick. True to a steadily solidifying trend, Ed Head managed to score yet another own goal for himself, even when moved from defense up to the midfield.

"I got a knack for it," he later admitted, then loudly laughing obnoxiously to the disgust of many.

Oglethorpia would give up another when keeper Mike White Jr. caught a beer to the face from a Druidian drunk in the crowd, thus allowing Generic Haperd Striker #2 to slip one in the goal.

"That was in the 44th minute; I imagine I wasn't too popular with that fan, if an alcoholic was willing to give up his beer just to see my already atrocious hair doused in cheap Philisteinian beer," commented White Jr. after the game.

The second half featured yet another goal on White Jr. in the opening minute, as well as an own goal by Haperd just seconds later. The match would then end after an uneventful 44 minutes, Oglethorpia 3 - 3 Haperd.

"Boy, interesting to note that the only reason we didn't secure a victory again was due to circumstances fully within our control, a 150th ranking no part of it at all," stated a stone-faced and wholly serious manager/coach/head-moral-supporter Torrence Black. "Though I must say, as head moral supporter, the squad is in quite high spirits. I figure telling them they make themselves lose, and not the other team, helps. That and swift kicks to the ass."

With a win and a draw, Oglethorpia stands at 5th in the table, only above Melmond with a 0-1-1 record after two games. Torrence Black maintains the team is on the right track, and will thus stick with the trusty 4-4-2 formation.

"Torrence says they're on the right track, and as such, will keep playing the 4-4-2," Staplin magnificently elaborated.

Oglethorpia next faces 105th Piquantrax, again at home.

MATCH STATS
Brought to you by Amalgamated Industires

OGLETHORPIA - 3 (Kremlov 15th, 25th, Head 26th (own goal))
HAPERD - 3 (Generic Striker #2 44th, Generic Striker #1 46th, Generic Defender #3 46th (own goal))

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif
Jungle Cats Stroll Atop World Cup 22
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
27' Mauro Baraza
41' Mauro Baraza
42' Callum Banda
63' Jonjo Hulyer
75' Petros Alfieri
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

-------------------The Vilita Jungle Cats quickly established themselves as the team to be reckoned with in World Cup 22 qualifying after darting out to successive shutouts and with the Vilitan offense firing 9 goals passed the oppoisition in the opening two matches to lead all teams. Yeaddin Owls goalkeeper Delain Falcon got the chance to showcase his goalkeeping talents against Davistand, after first choice goalkeeper Jimmy Kater was rested before the rivalry matchup with the Gaian Ascendancy. Falcon was flawless in goal, saving all 6 efforts from the notably weaker opposition and looked comfortable in the international stage for the first time.

-------------------It was easy goings from the start from Vilita, with Starblaydia based Rueben Laberge earning himself an impressive second consecutive starting appearance in midfield, and lasting 75 minutes before being replaced by Teariki Mane. Laberge had his hand in the opening goal, providing the cross that was met by Mauro Baraza's head to put the World Cup 20 Champions up 1-0 before half an hour. Baraza doubled the visitors lead 15 minutes later with a fine 25 yard strike, and all-time Vilitan top goalscorer Callum Banda left his mark in Davistand with a quick flick after being set through by Inaki Soler.

-------------------Marine Coast United's budding prospect winger Jonjo Hulyer looked a class above his age on the day, taking good control of the ball and making some gutsy moves to keep the action rolling for the Jungle Cats in what was without a doubt the 19 year olds best performance in the Teal and Orange. Hulyer was rewarded for his efforts just after the hour mark when he was able to dribble past a duo of Davistand defenders, taking a quick shot from the left hand corner of the box which the Davistand keeper did not anticipate, as the ball snuck just inside the far post and in for Vilita's fourth goal on the day. Before play resumed, Helmut Vilkaus decided to introduce 17 year old striker Tika Massa who is likely to start all games for the Vilitan Under-21 squad in the next Youth World Cup. Massa's lack of experience cost him a senior goal in the 73rd minute, as he found himself all alone with the keeper, only to fire straight at the keepers legs, watching the ball bounce high and over for a corner kick.

-------------------Massa's mistake was quickly forgotten when Petros Alfieri rose highest to meet Christian Sanou's corner kick, and the defender wheeled away in celebration of just his second career international goal. The Jungle Cats eased to the 5-0 victory which sees them quickly open up a 4 point gap over 3rd placed Kylaai in the race to qualify for the finals in South Osettia and Liverpool England.


Full Time Analysis:

Vilita

Best Player: Jonjo Hulyer
Worst Player: None.
Shots on Target: 22
Corner Kicks: 11

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/teamsheet.gif
Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Delain Falcón, [D] Petros Alfieri, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Ricky Ezis, [DMC] Christian Sanou, [ML] Jonjo Hulyer, [MC] Maurizio Sala, [MC] Rueben Laberge, [MR] Inaki Soler, [FC] Callum Banda, [FC] Mauro Baraza,
BENCH::
[FC] Riccardo Appolloni, [FC] Tika Massa, [M] Sublé Tonic, [M] Teariki Mané, [U] Tanner Nerni, [D] Niccoló Mazzeo, [GK] Jimmy Kater,

Vilita Substitutions::
(66) - Maurizio Sala >>> Tika Massa
(75) - Rueben Laberge >>> Teariki Mané



Vilkaus prepared for Gaian Task

-------------------For the second straight qualifying season, the Vilita Jungle Cats will square off with the Gaian Ascendancy in what is become a friendly rivalry between the two otherwise un-connected national powers. Vilitan head coach Helmut Vilkaus has sent national scout and former Vilitan National Defender Ekelim Cairns to both of the Gaian Ascendancy's opening two matches, and feels his team are well prepared to continue their success over the rising Nation.

-------------------Strike FC goalkeeper Jimmy Kater will be returning to the starting role, after making way to Delain Falcon for the match against Davistand. 20 year old Eastal Lunar Defender Ade Hinds will likely play middle man in a three-man defense, accompanied by experienced defenders Andrea Lamberti and Niccolo Mazzeo, allowing Jaloey Afrikka to rest from the bench.

-------------------Another player who will get the match off is the always explosive Inaki Soler, who will not be at the game at all, instead, spending the time back with family. World Cup 20 Winning Goalscorer Tanner Nerni will instead start from the right wing, accompanied by Antonis Siazzu, Jonjo Hulyer and super-sub Suble Tonic, with Christian Sanou playing a reserved role between the midfield and the defense.

-------------------Riccardo Appolloni is expected to return to partner Callum Banda in attack, despite the impressive performance of Mauro Baraza against Davistand. Vilkaus has stated he plans on using a rotation system amongst his forwards, regardless of their performance in any singular matches. Baraza and Tika Massa will likely be attacking options off the bench, while Thierry Columbo, Rueben Laberge and Maurizio Sala could be chosen as substitues for the midfield.

Was I kicked out at one point?

I believe Sarcodina should be on the list for WC 22.

Disc about Sarcodina moved to the Disc Thread

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=8727127#post8727127

thsd:NEWS

Funny Looking Scoreline...

WE'RE on top of the world, loking down on our rivals....Yup, the 100% record remains (barely) after a squeaky three-two victory over Funny Looking Islands. The Islands could be the surprise team of the group though, as they have looked good in their matches both yesterday and on Matchday One against Legalese.

FLI actually took the lead four minutes in, however Neasden equalised with a clinical volley on 32. In first half injury time, the Caleys took a fortunate lead when Terry Goodley nodded home from a Moliano corner. Then, in the second half, FLI equalised again.

Two-two the score. Eight years ago, an ineffectual striker was replaced by a young teenager by the name of Phillip Neasden. This time, the teen was alongside Neasden, but was just as deadly. Keith Xousa was fouled thirty yards out, damaging his hamstring and forcing young Kevin Keda to take the field (Peter Ibaraki having been injured in the warm-up). Keda lined up fifteen yards to the right of the ball, and instead of a trademark drive, Dave Van Staveren stroked the ball into his path and KK finished brilliantly. Three points in the bag.

In lighter news, Nova Mercia lost again. Six-nil.

Funny Looking Islands - 2
Players 4, 51

Krytenia - 3
Neasden 32, Goodley 45+2, Keda 82

OOC- It's a bit ironic that the more pleasing match score from the first two days was the one from my rival. ;)

IC-

WARRIORS RETURN TO FORM BY OVERCOMING SACRED EVIL

The Praying2God Warriors weren't about to overlook their second straight opponent, and one ranked 150th to boot. They got off to a slow start, but came on strong in the second half, as they rallied from an early deficit to rout Sacred Evil 4-1. Goal scorers for the Warriors were Kevin Faith, Ashley Gore, and Thomas Larson added the final two tallies to complete the rout. The Warriors had to win this match or they easily could have opened WC XXII 0-4 before playing Fimble loving people to conclude the first half of qualifying, as they travel to the two teams ranked above them next, Jeruselem and Turori. Both matches will be intriguing as the Warriors have had previous success in WC qualifying aginst both teams. Expect Jeruselem to double and triple team Thomas Larson all-match-long, all-over-the-field, after his two goals from midfield in WC XX qualifying only allowed Jeruselem to come away from their two matches with the Warriors with a single point, at the House of Prayer. The Warriors need to put up more of these sorts of performances against the bottom three teams in their group to have any prayer of qualifying.


Praying2God 4 -Faith (32), Gore (55), Larson (61, 88)
Sacred Evil 1 -<player> (24)

Fielding the same team that embarrassed itself against Spurland, the Nedalia Lions came out with a much bigger bite this time around. Although they lost 2 – 1, unlike the Spurland matchup, one gets a sense that the team actually tried this time around against the Lowland Clans. Kafra International Stadium was filled to capacity as 94,000 people screamed their way into making it a miserable affair for the much more experienced Lowland Clans side, who must be thanking the heavens for coming away with 3 points in such a close encounter.

For Nedalia, after going down 2 – nil, it was Yamtech who finally found the net on the international stage, scoring in the 59th minute to cut the lead in half. After the goal, it was a flurry of attacks from the Lions squad who just were not able to penetrate the Lowland defense properly. The main difference, however, was in this match, the team looked like it had spirit.

“I cannot come out and say, oh, Im impressed with the way we played,” said outspoken manager Randy Gamman. “We lost the match, and we sit at the bottom of the Group 4 table with 0 points. That being said, this was a big improvement from the Spurland game and definitely something we can build upon. We’ve simply got to keep working the way we have, and eventually, our hard work will pay off.”

In other news from Group 4, Spurland have gotten 6 points from 2 games, defeating the Liamist States in a cracking match that ended with a 4 – 3 result. In Abysmalistan, Nonsuch Street made short work of their host, destroying them 4 – 0. This puts Spurland on top, followed by Lowland Clans, who have 4 points. Tied with 3 points apiece are Liamist States and Nonsuch Street, who are followed by Abysmalistan, who possess 1 point. Nedalia sit in a disappointing last place, living up to their high 90’s ranking.

OOC: Post 1 updated, those in Groups 2 and 15 please take note of changes!

Result Cancelled
Street Win 3-0, Team Withdraws

Possibly as a result of the Street's 3-0 demolition of The Evil Umpire, with two goals from Sarah Cawdron and one from Rhianna Peters, The Evil Umpire has withdrawn from World Cup 22. Thus, the Street found their victory useless, but at least there's one less hurdle to climb before the finals - as the group now shrinks to five teams.

Christine Andrews said that "she was disappointed with the spirit shown by The Evil Umpire players, and in hindsight, we should maybe have foreseen this. But then again, The Evil Umpire is supposed to be crap."

Closely associated Melmond also withdraws, after more than forty years of competition, resulting in the cessation of the Melmond Premier League, which allows Moissanite to return to the Compound League. More on this story will follow in tomorrow's paper.

Meanwhile, we bring you corrected tables of group 15:

Five Civilized Nations 2 2 0 0 4-2 6
Cockbill Street 1 1 0 0 2-0 3
Lethislavania 1 0 1 0 2-2 1
Sonaron 2 0 1 1 3-4 1
Aust 2 0 0 2 1-4 0

Also worth noting is that Jotneheim Park will now be without a qualifying match, and that the Street will play four away matches on the trot.

Reporter: Are you satisfied with the result against Corneliu, Mr Rej?

SR: Are you kidding? We conceded and you ask me whether I am satisfied?

Reporter: Your team scored and won... 4:1

SR: Ve... but we conceded - against Corneliu!

Reporter: That is no disgrace!

SR: There is a reason why I am the coach and not you - our defense was absolutely abysmal, a better opponent would have scored 5 past us!

Reporter: The Abysmal defense conceded only 4 goals...

SR: You know what I mean!

Reporter: What are your plans for the next match?

SR: Karela as possible! We can't lose if we won't concede!

Reporter: 10 draws are not enough to qualify!

SR: System Karela doesn't mean not to score, it means not to concede! Not every match would be a draw!

Reporter: errr, yes!

Gabalfa Observer: 22nd April 2005

BETTIA CAUGHT LION AROUND

BETTIA 1 Rosensteihl 79
EL CID THE HERO 2 Williams (og) 35, Gruber 37

The Bettian team took the opportunity of their first home game to proudly show off the hard-won Baptism of Fire Cup to their fans today - and were promptly brought back down to earth by impressive table-toppers EL CID THE HERO.

The match started brightly enough for Bettia, although their early attacking play created little in the way of goalscoring opportunities. Indeed it was the away team who, somewhat against the run of play, had the first shot at goal on sixteen minutes, as Connor saw his outward curling shot bend agonisingly wide of the upright.

EL CID continued to exert pressure and they deservedly, albeit rather luckily, took the lead on 35 minutes. Lions captain Homer Dent swung a hopeful cross into the area from the left only to find the head of Bettian defender Musa Williams. Unfortunately, he didn't get the connection he wanted on the ball and instead of being cleared for a corner, it instead snuck it's way past a wrong-footed Bettison into the bottom corner of the goal.

This sucker-punch caught Bettia off-guard, and EL CID doubled their advantage almost immediately as Gruber's rasping shot from inside the area found the back of the net. Bettia struggled to stay in contention for the remainder of the half, and were lucky to go into the break only two goals down.

Manager Ian Atkins rung the changes at half-time, replacing the out-of-sorts Hutton with young hopeful Bobby Rosensteihl up front, and bringing on the pacy Jason Abdullah for Omar Whistler to try and make some inroads on the left wing.

These changes certainly had the desired effect as both newcomers caused some problems for the Lions defence. Abdullah outpaced Antony Lynn and hooked the ball into the 18-yard box, where Stuart Abdul-Rahim connected with a volley which stung the hands of keeper Niemi.

Rosensteihl had a glorious opportunity shortly afterwards as he was put through one-on-one by Connick, only to see his effort smothered by the advancing Niemi.

The second half was a much more even affair with both sides carving out chances and half-chances, and as the half progressed it was the home team who began to rise to the ascendancy. Rosensteihl, Abdul-Rahim and Coates all coming close, as did Evan Brooks whose dipping free-kick clipped the crossbar.

It was the dangerous Rosensteihl who hauled Bettia back into the game. An inswinging Brooks corner was not dealt with properly by the Lions defenders, and Rosensteihl grabbed the chance to poke the home home in the resulting goalmouth scramble to set up a scintillating grandstand finish.

Bettia poured forward looking for the equaliser, but their higher-ranked opponents were able to hold out to claim all three points. They now sit at the top of Group 5 with two wins out of two. Bettia are now placed fourth thanks to a slightly superior goal difference, and now travel to Beanestan looking to gain a win


BETTIA 1-2 EL CID THE HERO

Bookings:
Connick, Williams (Bettia)
Nub (EL CID THE HERO)

Sendings Off:
None


ATTENDANCE: 54,242


TEAM
Formation: 5-3-2

1. Bettison
4. Ryder
5. Williams
7. Carew
11. Bin Da'ud
12. Coates
13. Connick
17. Whistler (sub 16. Abdullah, 45 mins)
18. Brooks
20. Abdul-Rahim
21. Hutton (sub 22. Rosenstiehl, 45 mins)


Unused Substitutes:
2. DiTorino
9. Rahl
10. McKinnon

Fixtures

MD1: ....Starblaydia 0-0 Bettia
MD2: .........Bettia 1-2 EL CID THE HERO
MD3: ......Beanestan vs. Bettia
MD4: .........Bettia vs. San Verdi
MD5: .........Lykaia vs. Bettia
MD6: .........Bettia vs. Starblaydia
MD7: EL CID THE HERO vs. Bettia
MD8: .........Bettia vs. Beanestan
MD9: ......San Verdi vs. Bettia
MD10: ........Bettia vs. Lykaia




Current Group 5 Table

.................W D L....F A GD Pts
EL CID THE HERO..2 0 0....4 1 +3 6
Lykaia...........1 1 0....5 3 +2 4
Starblaydia......1 1 0....4 2 +2 4
Bettia...........0 1 1....1 2 -1 1
San Verdi........0 1 1....4 6 -2 1
Beanestan........0 0 2....1 5 -4 0

Jeruselem Government News

Group 13 rookies flattened, St Pat stays home

World Cup XXII results for Match day 2. Any surprises or upsets in Group 13. Well, no.

Praying2God, Jeruselem's rival, rebounded from the loss the Irish rookies to banish the sinners Sacred Evil. They played like a team which wanted redemption for the embarrassing 1-0 loss to the St Pat's boys. Sacred Evil was no match for God's soccer players, lossing 4-1.

Jeruselem played Bryn Shander who had beaten P2G earlier. Would the Irish upset the 33nd ranked team? No. They got smacked around 5-2 with a much improved offensive effort although they did allow the Irish 2 goals. Jeruselem kept the Shander keeper busy all game and he looked very tired by the end of the night. You would if you had to fish the ball out of the net five times.

Turori repeated the dose to people who love fimbles. They won 4-2 to keep the fimble lovers pointless. Despite Turori fell back to 2nd, but only on goal difference to Jeruselem.

Speaking of beatings ups, Group 8 provided one. Our friends Sarzonia decided to jackhammer Nova Mercia 6-0 into the ground.

Fimble loving peoples 2:4 Turori
Sacred Evil 1:4 Praying2God
Bryn Shander 2:5 Jeruselem


Group 13
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Po
--------------------------------------------
1. Jeruselem 2 2 0 0 7 2 +5 6
2. Turori 2 2 0 0 6 2 +4 6
3. Praying2God 2 1 0 1 4 2 +2 3
4. Bryn Shander 2 1 0 1 3 5 -2 3
5. Fimble loving Peoples 2 0 0 2 2 6 -4 0
6. Sacred Evil 2 0 0 2 1 6 -5 0

Spurred In Thy Ass
Marmadukes Go Down In Front Of Fanatical Supporters
Sir Peter d’Gradburg, Ye Olde Printing Press

Prithee, tis disappointing to cometh so close to thy goal and yet walketh away with nothing. Thee game against Spurland in Fairbank and, verily, concluded with all but no points for our Marmadukes.

Twas a stunning match nonetheless. It was, as a matter of factual course, the highest scoring game partook in by our Marmadukes. Forsooth, we will not see the likes of it for sometime. With a total of no less than seven goals scored (unfortunately, four of them by thy evil Spurlandianisters), Hal Bell was thee main provider, bringing his international total to fifteen with his helmettrick. Spurland were not outdone scorething four of their own to bring thee Liamists back to thy green earth.

Hal Bell's goals cameth from:
• A penalty in the twenty third. With Champion brought down hard in the box, twas child’s play for Bell to puteth boot to thy ball and swing it in.
• A superb cross from midfielder Jackson Eaks, foundeth the head of Bell who, with only two yards to thy goal, changed the direction of the ball, into the goal.
• Fifteen minutes later, Bell brought his helmettrick to passeth with a long, sweeping strike from beyond thy goal box, a play that is quickly becoming a Marmaduke coat-of-arm equivalent.

As It Standeth

Draw
Win (2-0): Nonesuch Street (36), Nonesuch Street
Loss (3-4): Spurland (35), Fairbank
MD: The Lowland Clans (17), The Lowland Clans
MD: Nedalia (94), Nedalia
MD: Abysmalistan (-), Trenport
MD: Nonesuch Street (36), Adali
MD: Spurland (35), Spurland
MD: The Lowland Clans (17), City de Liam
MD: Nedalia (94), Mayfair
MD: Abysmalistan (-), Away

Standings
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Po
---------------------------------------------
1. Spurland 2 2 0 0 7 3 +4 6
2. The Lowland Clans 2 1 1 0 2 1 +1 4
3. Nonesuch Street 2 1 0 1 4 2 +2 3
4. Liamist States 2 1 0 1 5 4 +1 3
5. Abysmalistan 2 0 1 1 0 4 -4 1
6. Nedalia 2 0 0 2 1 5 -4 0

The Bromham Observer

Mass Suicide At Village Green

EIGHT thousand people were presumed dead after throwing themselves from the open-roofed stands here in Bromham. The faithful Midlanders, gathered here at Village Green, had just witnessed Brian Wilson's sixth goal of the game, and could take no more. One fan plunged, then several followed, and by the end of it almost an entire stand had plummeted to their demise, including over a dozen stewards and four police officers.

In the interests of decency, we shall curtail this report. Readers are advised to take the free cyanide pill with today's edition should they be depressed by the words below.

NOVA MERCIA ---- 0
SARZONIA ---- 6

The following actions happened between the hours of 8pm and 9pm.

Doomhammer is in his office reading a book. S.Sam enters with a piece of paper.

SS: sir the news has just come in. it 2-1 to the lions.

DH: Yes! That means we have 2 out of two. Who’s do we play next?

SS: that would be San Verdi. Ranked 75.

DH: ok then. What does the bug say.

SS: not a lot. Theirs a problem with the information its been getting. Someone got an email about “penis enlargement cream”. he downloaded a virus and now the only info we get is how much money the scammer is taking out of our bank account.

DH: that’s not good. I told you to put an email filter on.

SS: well know we have learned.

DH: Gets a debugger in and change the account.

SS: 10-4 sir

Giant Frog program fails

Dushanbe - In a pressconference earlier today the Tadjik Football association admitted it had been trying to make its team invincible by using biologically enhanced animals. In the latest of these programs the government used frogs as players. Leading scientist Dr Schabbs said "We gave them growing hormones so that they would grow as big as a man, we wanted them to jump over the other teams players and catch the ball with their long tongues." But the program was recently cancelled after the dissapearance of several goalkeepers, the government denied and said the goalkeepers got sick but now the doctor admits "Well, Everything was ok until one of the goalkeepers jumped for a high shot. The frogs probably thought it was a fly and ate him. After 5 replacement keepers we decided to quit. We'll have to find another 'secret weapon'." The journalists at the meeting did not ask but observers believe the government will be using spiders next time.

But the program may also be suspended if the Tadjik Tigers continue to win their matches as they have done so far. A 1-3 on Moleland terrain seems to be satisfying. And once this newspaper does its job properly you will see our rankings and position in group 3.

Matchday 3 is delayed for as long as NS stays down. If SO sees this message before NS gets back up, could you please email me your leaguedef.resume.lgn file? liverpool_england_nationstates (at) hotmail (dot) com...

Bestiville manager Opia Brookbanks speaks to the 'BS times' today, and receives heavy critisism about his team's performance.

Interviewer: Mr Brookbanks, Bestiville is currently last in their group and have not yet scored a goal. Why do you think this is?

Opia: Well, this is our first World Cup. You can't expect us to do well in the first one that we're in, do you?

Interviewer: We expect you to at least score a goal...

Opia: At the time of our first match we were still jetlagged from our flight from Sliponia (hosts of Lancre Cup IX). We got to the Semi-finals in that cup and we think that we used up most of our energy to get there.

Interviewer: What do you want to say about young Aaron Parkin, Bestiville's most shining new player?

Opia: Parkin is playing well. This is his first major non-club tornament, and in the match against Bettia in the BoF kept it a draw with an awesome penalty at 5min (underrated by the Bettia article on the match). So yes, he is playing well.

Interviewer: Can you express your worries about James' injury which he sustained from the BLF final, Womynchester United versus Kidneypool?

Opia: Of course we're worried. I believe that your interview with Parkin earlier in the tornament says it all. James kept our team motivated, and I believe that an aspect of our performance can be put down to his absense.

Interviewer: How would you rate your managerial skills?

Opia: What kind of question is that? I think that I'm helping Bestiville to do the best they can, and got Newfort United to the BLF Semi-finals. I'm the best manager Bestiville could have hoped for.

Interviewer: Thank you for your time Mr Brookbanks.

---

The full interview with Aaron Parkin and Nathan Marcus, listed in parts previously

Interviewer: Mr Parkin, Mr Marcus, thank you for joining the BS times for this interview.

Marcus: The pleasure is ours.

Parkin: It is good to be here.

Interviewer: First off, Parkin, you are the youngest player ever seen in a Bestiville team (the previous record holder was Paul Drekkian, Bestiville captain, who joined at 17) at the tender age of 16. Does this pressure you at all?

Parkin: Not really. Opia (Bestiville manager) is confident in my ability, and that is all that matters to me. I know that I'm a talented player so I never really worry about the occasional bad game, everyone has them.

Interviewer: Mr Marcus, are you at all pressured to perform?

Marcus: I've never felt pressured, that's one of my more humourous character traits I suppose.

Interviewer: What do you feel about Bestiville's performance in the cup so far?

Parkin: It was the worst start we could have hoped for. Due to our most acclaimed player being injured (James) we haven't been on top form. Our team are just not motivated.

Marcus: Yes, James was the heart of our team. We just can't do our best without him.

Interviewer: When he's back in the next world cup do you think that you'll do better?

Parkin: Almost certainly!

Marcus: Definately!

Interviewer: Finally, who are you best friends with on the Bestiville side.

Parkin: Well of course each other (*playfully nudges Marcus*) but I'd say that the whole Bestiville team are a big family. We all look out for each other. Outside the locker room I do go out drinking with Nathan (Marcus), Theodore (King) and David (Daoid) though.

Marcus: We do get on well. I go out to the gym with Tim (Wallace) every Monday and will regularly go and play poker in Las Vaguely with Pielza (Larello) and Oliver (Keth). Us being such good friends outside the locker room must help our Teamwork.

Interviewer: Aaron, Nathan, thanks again.

Clash of the Communists

Hockey Canada can jump up 2 sopts into 4th today if they beat Lennon Marx and Sliponia loses. The win would be their first in World Cup history (actually 1 more than Canada in RL ever has). They'll be switching from very defensive to heavy attacking to make up for the lost ground in the 5-1 loss to TnUI. The Hockey Canadians will play a 2-2-6 formation to hit Lennon Marx with all they have.

Yanic Perrault is doing something strange by moving up from defence to striker, along with Hugh Budziarek and sub Swayne Gretzky. Hosting Lennon Marx will be fun because the field is very icy and cold up in the arctic Hockey Canada. Temperatures set at a scorching high of -6 Cº. Hockey Canada has been practising for a while with their more-spiked cleats so they'll easily grip the icy playing surface while other teams will struggle.

The only concern is coming from the goalies, with the pitch icy and hard, it'll be a tough time for them to hit the ground when they dive to block shots. It's not expected to be a pretty game but Hockey Canada is going for the win to put them up a few spots. The ball will be harder when the cold temperature gets to it as well as the ice making the ball a more slippery. Hockey Canada keepers have already battled that with studs of rubber in their gloves to catch the ball with ease travelling at speeds of over 100 km/h.

A repeat performance of the miracle at the U21s? If so, It starts today.

Our rivals have left the group

The Crystils friendly rivals from Melmond have withdrawn from world cup qualifying and they have also disbanded their national league. Crystilakere has a long relation with Melmond after sending many players there including Emiliano Addis and Darren Whelen who were very important in the Crystils World Cup 19 winning season. During that run the Crystils had to overcome the Farmers not once, but twice on their way to the final where they won a great 1-0 victory over Audioslavia. The Crystils have fallen a bit out of sorts lately but are still one of the best teams in the world after being ranked in the top 10 by the official rankings.

Crystilakere will regroup and continue their battle for qualification to the finals and will field a strong team for all games in preparation of another run to the final and hopefully a return to the throne of champion. Standing in their way will be veteran teams Haperd and Raptor Claw, both of whom will be hungry to return to the World Cup finals after missing the last finals in Cockbill Street and Lethislavania. Currently the Crystils and Raptor Claw are the only unbeaten teams in Group 2 and when these two teams meet it could determine whether they make the finals.

Location: a cellar in a abandonned village near Sike kali

Manju and Xelsi are talking about the future of international soccer, they are not having a position in the ASR, they are members of the 'Liside Hetaki' a secret group fighting for more attacking soccer. They have to operate secretly since the yellow-clad monks are everywhere. Many members had the misfortune of meeting them and suddenly becoming satisfied with the Sistenha Karela, some even betrayed the Liside Hetaki. "Are we save here?" whispered Manju.
"As save as we can be... these monks will find us everywhere!" answered Xelsi.
"As if it is a crime to be for a more attacking System than 8-0-2!" Manju was again becoming angry.
"For them everything not being compatible with the laws of Taderekansa is a crime. Cinemas and music stores are closed, due to making 'no profit'." Xelsi said.
"'Making no profit' of course they won't if every potential customer is brainwashed by va'karela-ish devices. It is a shame what happened to our nation, a slani shame!" he forgot his caution concerning the volume of his voice.
"shhh! Or we are heard!" warned Xelsi "Oh slani, I think there is someone!" They hurried to a hiding place near the window, hoping to see without being seen. They saw that someone was walking along the main road. They could only see the feet, but he (or she) did wear (at least) state of the art (or more modern) sneakers and was not barefooted or wearing clogs as the monks do. The two decided to look who is coming to this place.

The person was surely no monk and surely no rejistanian. He was tall, white and blonde, which are all no rejistanian characteristics. He also looked like a tourist, a confused tourist. He was looking into a map of the city Sike (and not realising that he already left it nearly 2 hours ago). When he saw the two Rejistanians, he approached them, searching for something, which turned out to be a traveller's guide to rejistanian. "You make speak English maybe?" asked he in a very, very basic rejistanian.
The hetaki'he'ny knew that only a 've' would allow a conversation, but what does it help, they never learnt it. "No, can we maybe help you despite that?" asked Manju.

The tourist seemed to think for a while, then started searching in his traveller's guide. "Sahira where?"

"The Sahira quarter? Go there, until you are in Sike kali then ask someone else!" Answered Manju. Xelsi looked at the person closely and checked his extravagant outfit then he said: "Rikki Stone?"

"Yes, Rikki Stone!" says the tourist and points to himself.
Xelsi thought quickest in this unexpected situation: "We go to Sike, you and we!"
Rikki nodded and followed them to a car, or what rejistanian constructors call one. Additionally to the fact that the car is a rejistanian one comes the fact that it is a used one and Manju always fears it breaks down if someone looks hard at it. In the car, Manju tried to make it drive the distance to Sike and Xelsi tried to explain Rikki what the Liside Hetaki is. A foreign ex-forward as symbol of the movement would be extreme effective. After a while of trying to explain he took the guide and looked up what he wanted to say: "We Hetaki Party!"
"Party? I love parties!" replied Rikki "Can I go there too?".

OOC: South Osettia will post up MD3 scores. As said in Disc Thread, to make up for the delay all pre-MD3 RPs up till the posting of scores will count double towards MD4. Groups 2 and 15 please re-read first page, adjusted to accept Sarcodina in Group 15 instead of 2.

OOC: All right, let's try posting this in the RP thread instead of the discussion thread... :headbang:

IC:

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png
football

Champs score nine in first two

GREGENBURG -- For all those complaining about Bedistan's recent overemphasis on defensive football, I hope you're happy now.

The Lions kicked off their quest to retain the World Cup at home at Fillmore National Stadium in Sonoma City, where they put up a passable performance and defeated newcomers Kazakhstania three-nil. Nothing spectacular, really, but considering that scoreline would likely have been only two-nil four years ago, the fans were willing to accept it.

But what really brought fans of Bedistani football to their feet was the second qualifying match away in Gregenburg. The Lions were obviously intent on proving to the world that they really did deserve that World Cup, and the demolition of the Gregenburg team seemed to provide that leverage. Alejandro Vantrease showed that he is entering the prime of his career by scoring a Rejistanian hattrick*, and Vanessa Carpenter offered a pair of her own as well. Carl Chapman also decided to join in the fun with a somewhat unexpected goal from a free kick in the 76th. The only downside to the match was a Nick Reagan mis-step that resulted in an early 16th-minute Gregenburg 1-1 equalizer.

This fantastic performance puts the Lions at the top of Group 3 and in second place overall out of all the teams participating in this year's qualifiers. As I'm sure you could tell as soon as you reached the period in the last sentence, the only nation doing better is Vilita, who have also notched nine goals in their first two matches but also have two clean sheets to go along with them. And for the record, those Jungle Cats make this reporter sick. At least during qualifying.

finalscores
BEDISTAN 3 (Carpenter 9, Vantrease 57, Bowden 75)
KAZAKHSTANIA 0

GREGENBURG 1 (Some Gregenburgian Guy 16)
BEDISTAN 6 (Carpenter 12, 70; Vantrease 23, 34, 38; Chapman 76)

* Rejistanian hattrick = three goals scored by the same player in the same half with no intervening goals. Yes, there actually was a day when Rejistanian teams were willing to score three goals in fewer than three matches.

Hockey Canada's game to be delayed. Drunks reduced to watch reruns of loss to TnUI.

Due to the delayed games in Hockey Canada, fans will have to wait for a while before Lennon Marx comes to visit the ice-field. The beer won't be delayed though, those who have consumed 5 beers will think reruns of the 5-1 loss to TnUI is just as exciting as the live game. Molson Hockey Canadian will be giving a long happy-hour to all bars playing the game.

Players and coaches alike have been drinking it up. Drinkers have erupted Hockey Canada into a joyous tub of alcolhol where even the army is getting wasted. If they lose against Lennon Marx, they can blame it on the massive hangover the country will have... but if they're still drunk, they'll have a damn good time winning or losing.

In Hockey Canada, "Illegal drinking age" is just a suggestion. A suggestion that means as much value as "soberiety".

GANN Sports Desk: ~ The Ascedancy has other diversions to the delay in the World Cup, by watching the Angel Core Sentinels move into the NSFA Cup Championship game(s), while also watching the brutal first leg Champions Cup Quaters match between tje Jurai`alheim Clans and the Blue Diamond Destoyers, with even the post game comments more than reviting.

"I love this game.." ..a local Gaian passerby commented.

The Aeropag Tribune—Keeping Eauzian propaganda at bay for ——— years *censored by lawyers*

Nation Prepares for 100th Anniversary of Independence
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CT (29 Sep 60 TE*)—Most Manhattanite nationals, and even many Anaphasians, Jativans, Siokajis, Aquillans, and Lontoricans are preparing for one of the largest celebrations in the nation’s history, the 100th anniversary of Manhattanite† independence from the Boopsylvanian occupation of Paripana. Though many people will be celebrating privately, there are numerous festivities scheduled during the next two days. The following list is incomplete—a more complete list can be found in the enclosed pamphlet.

CEO Lobaugh’s Summary Address
30 Sep, 0800–0900
233rd Floor, Capitol Building, Commerce Heights, CT
Though the Summary Address is normally a routine affair, this year’s will be quite different. Rather than the usual speech glorifying the CEO’s achievements and praising sponsor corporations such as the CDA for helping to build the great nation we enjoy today, CEO Lobaugh will speak objectively on, among other things, the trends in Capitalizt government over the past 100 years. The entry cost is a bit steep, at §5.00, but every cent of the payment goes towards maintaining the police and military forces essential to the protection of capitalizm.

60 TE National Elections
30 Sep, 0600–2000
Log in at aeropagtribune.com to find your local polling place
Unlike his predecessor, CEO Lobaugh will not be running for a third term in office. Though there are many others, these are the major candidates—check aeropagtribune.com for a complete list.
Javier Wasko (Capitalizt)
The most radical candidate that the Capitalizt Party has yet produced, Wasko supports some basic public education, paid for by user fees—user fees adjusted based on income.
Matthew Sparks (Libertarian)
Though he’s obviously a drunk, drugged fool, as shown by his inability to perform his duties as assistant coach of the CHFF’s World Cup soccer team, the Libertarian Party has chosen him as their CEO candidate to encourage people to think about how ridiculous the position has become. They wouldn’t have won, anyway…
Erik Brunette (independent)
A solid leader, as demonstrated by his experience as a manager at Alan Belmore Parcels Corporation. His beliefs are very similar to those of CEO Lobaugh.
CEO Inaguration Ceremony
30 Sep, 2100 – 1 Jan, 0000
233rd Floor, Capitol Building, Commerce Heights, CT
You pay §20 to the State, go in, find out who the new CEO is, listen to his 5-minute speech, eat some cake or something, and leave before it’s over, since you want to watch the CDA Ball drop at midnight (this does not need its own listing, since everybody knows about it anyway). It’s your money…
TechConGroup Air Show
1 Jan, 0800–1100
Dalton Airbase, Lexington, NM
Take a short trip to Lexington, and you’ll see one of the most stunning air shows in the world. Though some might find the TechConGroup and other CCCP‡ planes interesting by themselves, the real reason to go to this year’s show is to see spectacular stunts performed by the CDA’s squadron of X–302s, which are much more manuverable than any other Capitalizt aircraft.
World Cup 22 Qualifiers—Finrods at Commerce Heights
1 Jan, 1300–1530
CDA National Stadium, Commerce Heights, CT
Once you’ve travelled back to the Capital Territory, don’t miss the resurgent Commerce Heights Capitalizts battling for group supremacy against the Finrods…uh…Fins? We don’t know anything about the opposition, either, but, according to the Bedistani ranking system which we managed to recover at great risk from Tingitana, it should be the toughest match yet in the Capitalizts’ qualifying campaign.

*OOC: The Capitalizt calendar has 7 months, the last of which is September. Since each month has 30 days, 30 Sep is the last day of the year.
†OOC: “Manhattanite” referred to the entire population of Commerce Heights for the first 59 years of its nationhood, as it was the ethnic group controlling the Republics. Manhattanites are now a single group among many making up modern Capitalizts.
‡OOC: Capitalizt Consortium for Cooperation in Protection—the direct competitor of the Capitalizt Defense Alliance.

The Bureaucratic Tribune

The van Mistletoe dynasty

Megalopolis City (BT) - Harking back to the days of World Cup 15, one recalls the volatile Oglethorpian squad with clashing personalities Henry Louis-Charleston White and Ruben van Mistletoe. But while Henry Louis-Charleston White faded away in a blaze of glory more reminiscent of a mushroom cloud than a brief flicker of flame that obliterated him and those that were poised to carry on the Louis-Charleston White family tree, van Mistletoe has passed on the inherent footballing Gene to sons Cletus and Luud.

Cletus, 21 and older brother Luud, 22 play for Polyesterhampton F.C. and A.C. Vague (The Etherlands) following in the footsteps of father Ruben whom led Megalopolis City F.C. back in his day. The brothers just narrowly missed making the national squad.

"Shame things are so set in stone for World Cup 22," commented Cletus. "I guess the only thing that would get us on the Oglethorpian side would be for a couple of midfielders to perish; improbably meeting their fiery demise within mere moments of each other."

"But you know that won't happen," added brother Luud. "Not in a million years. Here's to hopin' for next WC."

While the van Mistletoe brothers enjoy their offseason this Cup, most predict they'll be hard at work on the national squad when four years elapses. "You watch," closed father Ruben van Mistletoe with a sly wink.

Jeruselem Goverment News

IT breakdown stops Match day 3 of World Cup XXII

We have no match day results due to a breakdown in some obscure IT system used by the World Cup organisers. The Jeruselem team spend of their time training and attend their religious duties to use up the time.

Father O'Reilly of some small Catholic Church said "It's weird to have World Cup footballs turn up for mass. However, it's good to see football players believing in God and I'm sure God can help them on the football field."

The Jeruselem FA said "This reminds us of time we had to delay the Queen's Cup due to some administive blunder by an official. We feel for the World Cup organisers at the moment.".

JGN will playing Nedalian Premier League and U21 Championship replays games in place of the World Cup games until the delay is resolved.

the abysmal times

abysmals not-lose!

the abysmal national team not-lost against the lowland clans. no own-goals were scored, maybe due to the unknown weather conditions. it was not-raining-not-foggy-and-not-cloudy. qix said: "i could not make one single own-goal in this conditions." all hopes to do a ravea are lost.
more news about this when we can afford the additional paper

gah, wrong nation!

MD3 Scores are up! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8741439&postcount=4)

Jeruselem Goverment News

It's a beautiful day!

Finally, the long awaited game we've all been waiting for. Jeruselem played Praying2God today. So we lost again as usual? Well, not today. God was on our side as Jeruselem ran out winners 3-2. Yes, it's true.

Terri Henri scored first in the 13th minute after escaping the attention of his marker and sending home a powerful header. P2G stuck back when <some player> struck a sweet low volley which eluded the Jeruselem keeper Rassad in the 20th minute. After that both teams shut up shop to ensure there was no more goals for the 1st half.

Defender Alan Belmore scored next when he was in the right spot deflecting a header from a corner into the corner of the P2G goal in the 70th minute. However P2G replied when <some player> chipped over the Jeruselem keeper when he wasn't expecting it in the 85th minute. The winner was scored late when Ruud Dude, late sub, stormed down the field eluding the P2G defenders and shot under the P2G keeper.

The hoodoo is broken! And the result was official.

In other games, Turori pipped Bryn Shander 1-0 to be undefeated like Jeruselem while the bottom had the opportunity to get some points. They did, one point each in your usual scoreless draw.

Defensively, Turori are the best and the Jeruselem offense has produced 10 goals so far.

The points table reads 9-9-3-3-0-0. Very uneven.

Group 13
--------
Turori 1:0 Bryn Shander
Jeruselem 3:2 Praying2God
Sacred Evil 0:0 Fimble Loving Peoples


Group 13
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Po
---------------------------------------------
1. Jeruselem 3 3 0 0 10 4 +6 9
2. Turori 3 3 0 0 7 2 +5 9
3. Praying2God 3 1 0 2 6 5 +1 3
4. Bryn Shander 3 1 0 2 3 6 -3 3
5. Fimble loving peoples 3 0 1 2 2 6 -4 1
6. Sacred Evil 3 0 1 2 1 6 -5 1

The Nedalia Lions

LIONS CLAIM FIRST POINTS

Nedalia Lions manager Randy Gamman can finally breathe a sigh of relief, having collected 3 points from the match against Abysmalistan in the opposition’s home ground.
What started out as an even game in the first half turned into an onslaught of Nedalian offense in the second, with all the goals coming in that second half.

In the 24th minute, Abysmalistan woke the Lions up with a shot that was denied only by the post, catching goalkeeper Darrell Lynch off guard. He would turn on his game after the shot, however, saving any potential goal that came towards him until the 79th minute, when the home team scored off of a corner kick.

The Nedalian goals came in the 54th and 66th minute, scored by Hardman and Mattan, respectively. The 2nd half was a performance the Lions can be proud of, effectively shutting down the Abysmalistanian attack and countering with potent attacks of their own. The first goal came after a beautifully played 1-2 pass with Kenneth, whose pass was so on target that Hardman needed only to display his tap-in skills. The 2nd goal was a blitzering shot by Porasse striker Mattan, one which the goalkeeper had no chance of stopping. Manager Gamman spoke after the match:

“We’re obviously still not playing like we were supposed to, but I guess the 2nd half was means for optimism. We gelled together, putting together a string of good passes which resulted in 2 goals. Hopefully we’ve turned the corner, and we can begin getting better from here. Let us not forget, however, we defeated the lowest ranked team in our group…we were expected to win. I would have liked a bigger margin than this, but I’ll take our first 3 points anyway I can.”

In other news from Group 4, Spurland continued their dominating performance of the group, defeating Nonsuch Street 2 – 0 to garner a maximum of 9 points from their 3 games. This left Nonsuch Street tied with Nedalia and the Liamist States at 3 points, who lost to the Lowland Clans in a hard fought match 2 – 1. That result put the Lowland Clans in second with 7 points. Abysmalistan sits last with only 1 point.

thsd:NEWS

I Fought The Law And The Law Lost

REPORT WILL APPEAR HERE LATER

Krytenia - 3


Legalese - 2

"He wants to participate!" said Xelsi in rejistanian, "we have to do IT now!".

"You mean IT?" answered Manju.

"Of course I do!" replied Xelsi, "We can do IT in Sike Veran!"

"Sike Veran, yeah... they formerly played 3-4-3 and now? 10-0-0!" Manju again felt angry about it because he was a Veran fan. "Rikki, you want to see H1SR? Sike Veran vs Kalisimu Salan?"

Rikki nodded "Sike good!"

In the afternoon, after they had followed Rikki through the Sahira quarter, the three went to the Veran Stadium. They looked like two normal fans and one tourist, who wanted to get H1SR experience, no one expected them to try to change the history of soccer. When they arrived in the stadium, the match just started. Slowly they realized that what they thought about System Karela was totally wrong, the match was exciting, the match was wonderful, Manju never remembered to have seen a better match ever. He felt that he was affected by the va'karela despite the tin foil under his Veran hat, but to be honest, he liked it. This match was great! Better than the 7:2 annhilitation of Miradeki a few seasons ago. He thought about leaving the Liside Hetkaki and saw that Xelsi felt the same.
During half-time, Rikki said he wanted to go to the toilet, but of course could not understand the rejistani sign for it and therefore asked Xelsi wether he could show him the way. Normally there is no way not to find it, but Rikki managed to do this. Xelsi pointed in a direction and said "Han'il!" but Rikki went in the other direction. found there a door, with 'private' written on it in rejistanian. Thinking this is the toilet, he tried to open the door. After applying brute force, it did open. Rikki entered quickly and accidentally threw something, which was on a cupboard down. A strange sound was heard. Rikki murmurred an "oops" and left. suddenly Xelsi felt like waking up from a dream and saw that others felt the same. He rememberred the first half, which was scoreless and suddenly was very unsatisfied with it. The match was absolutely horrible. No real chances, both sides played 9-0-1. Apparently, the va'karela wqas destroyed. Rikki! The thing on the cupboard was the va'karela! It was here to reach the fans when entering!

A time later, the following message was transmitted through the loudspeakers: "We are the Liside Hetaki! The va'karela was destroyed! Long live attacking soccer!"

The revolution began...

Cana City Press

Kodiaks Upend Group Favorite In Shocker

Chicanada 1 : 0 Audioslavia

CANA - Apparently, someone forgot to tell the Kodiaks that Audioslavia is not only the former #1 but is the favorite in the group.

Chicanadan Captian (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8610929&postcount=9) Samuel Klerington needed only one goal to pull the biggest upset in Chicanadan history, as the Kodiaks gained a 1-0 victory over Audioslavia yesterday.

Klerington scored in the 28th minute off a header from defender Eroden Venlill which went to the left of the Audioslavia goalkeep. No one expected Kodiak Goalkeep Timonn Lisbon to have such a breakout game, as he handled the Audioslavian forewards with ease and never paniced during penalty shots or corner kicks - which tend to be his biggest weakness.

Coach Viladetta spoke with reporters after the match, saying that the victory should begin to show the entire world that the Kodiaks are a serious contender to win anying, but also cautioned against crazy optimism, saying that this victory could always be a random fluke. "Winning against one of the powers of footy is a most excellent thing for the Kodiaks," Viladetta closed with.

After the game massive demonstations and parties supporting the team broke out in Cana and throughout the cantons. 25 people were injured in Colombo after riot police attempted to keep the partiers from creating damage to storefronts. Another 17 were arrested in Livingston for attempting to break into a closed sports bar.

The Kodiaks need to hope their two-game winning streak against two of the best teams in the world continues at they face off against Rittarstan tommorow. The Kodiaks hold a 3-0-0 record against them, but the 'stan is currently 1-1-1 and could be a very dangerous trap match for the team, especially if they look too far ahead to their rematch against group leader Wella in three days time.

Chicanada Schedule
MD1: Wella (L 2-1)
MD2: The Belmore Family (W 2-1)
MD3: Audioslavia (W 1-0)
MD4: Rittarstan (away or @ Narobi Stadia, Mogada)
MD5: Black Yellow (away or @ Ital Memorial Grandstands, Jaxx)
MD6: Wella (away or at Easten National Arena, Eastentown)
MD7: The Belmore Family (away @ Bishop County Stadia, West Finnen)
MD8: Audioslavia (away or @ TroutCo Field, Cana)
MD9: Rittarstan (away or @ Narobi Stadia, Mogada)
MD10: Black Yellow (@ Ital Memorial Grandstands, Jaxx)

Vikings stalemate with Eauz, remain in first place of Group 12

In a major effort to remain unbeaten after three matches, Mike Nolan knew it would not be easy to win, especially over the 12th ranked team. But with the thousands of fans in Viking Stadium behind him and the rest of the Vikings, Nolan scored the tieing goal at the 88th minute to draw with Les Blues 2-2 and remain unbeaten and on top of Group 12.

In an effort to continue their good run, the Vikings knew they would have to come out hard. Coach Disterfred stressed to his team that they had to be focused against such a well expierenced team. But in the beginning of the match, the Vikings looked anything but that. Eauz started with the ball, and took little time in marching up the pitch to score one past Powell Lamar at the 8th minute. When the Vikings kicked off, they looked like they would strike back, but the Eauz goalkeeper was better than expected, as Dave Daniels first shot was deflected with mearly a backhand slap of the ball. Shelly Berry regained the loose ball and followed up with a hooking shot, but it was caught and the Fmjphoenix attack was stopped. Coach GQ yelled form the sidelines for his team to press and challenge the strikers, so they did just that. It took over ten minutes for Eauz to get off of their side of the pitch to midfield. After they got there though, they exploded forward with a rush so fast, that the only one there was Quinten Bell, but he could not defend against a 3 on 1 attack and was easily passed by two Eauz strikers. This time around, Lamar was ready though, as he deflected the first two shots sent at him. But he was slow getting up, as Eauz took a third shot before he had fully gotten on his feet, and Lamar half-dove towards the shot to no avail. 26 minutes in and Eauz was up 2-0. Jorge Mendel called off for a time to confer with the coach. Whatever GQ told his team before the kickoff fired them up. Jason Mitchell kicked off to Larry Brown. The Vikings looked like they were going to all out attack with everyone except the defenders. they had seven players on Les Blues area, swarming around and causing havoc. Finally after several minutes of passing and running, the ball came to Berry. She shot the ball, but it looked to high. Then just before it was going to go over the goal crossbar, it hooked down and into the net for a beautiful play. Fmjphoenix got on the board at the 39th minute. A Fmjphoenix press would hold Eauz to nothing more than midfield for the rest of the half, and the Vikings went into the half down by a goal for the first time in this qualification.

When play resumed, Fmjphoenix came out playing defensive and holding onto the ball. They let Eauz press them into their backfield for 15 minutes. Suprisingly, Brown had the ball stolen from him and that nearly lead to another Eauz goal, but Powell Lamar was on que for this one, as he was right in front of the shot and took care of it with little problem. After the clearence, the Vikings slowly worked their wa up the field, taking their time trying to gauge how Eauz would react. It was nearly 20 minutes before Eauz begain to press the Vikings hard. That was what they were waiting for, as they all went forth, 7 players on the attack. Sadly for the Vikings, time was not on their side, as they had but 5 minutes to get something done. So when Larry Brown had a 25 foot shot that he could take, he instead passed the ball off to the teams playmaker in the clutch, Nolan. Nolan took the ball and manuvered past 2 defenders to get into the box with only 2 minutes before time stoppage. He made sure that they did not have to worry about time stoppage. With a hard hit shot, the Eauz goalkeeper could not keep up with it and the Vikings tied it up with 2 minutes to go. After that, Coach GQ emplyed a 4-4-2, having only Berry and Daniels in as strikers, making sure to have his best defensive players to stop any Eauz threat. Luckily for Powell Lamar, there was no threat, as Eauz could not get past the defensive formation put forth by the team. Thus the Vikings drew with Eauz to earn a point for both teams.

Fmjphoenix: 2 - Eauz: 2
Daniels 39, Nolan 88 - Unknown 8, 26

Cockbill Street Record Second Win - For The Second Time
Sonaron Go Down With A Fight

Cockbill Street fought their way to an important 2-1 victory over Sonaron yesterday, though with the recent WCC problems of organisation, it was only their second official win despite having played three games.

It was a close and even game, and in the end Cockbill Street were lucky to escape from K'haz'bak with all three points - both teams had plenty of chances, and Cockbill Street's strikers were the most efficient - luckily for the Street.

Particularly the central defender, Lanthanate's Olivine, was lacklustre today, as he got little help from Andrew Widdleston and Orson Kent on the sides - who were far too often up the wings trying to support Cawdron and McLavish. Unwise when the team is playing with three backs - but then again, such are the ways of Mrs Andrews. It did produce a lot of chances up the other end, though, as the combinations down the wing often saw Sonaron's defence outnumbered - and when they moved out to counter that, the play was centered through Robertson and Swytherton in the centre. It was beautiful attacking tactics, and it worked to perfection - the Street created fifteen chances in total, and scored two of them, thanks to Canning's shot from eight metres and substitute Darren Hornby's magnificent long-range effort to give 2-1 with ten minutes remaining.

Next, Cockbill Street face Five Civilized Nations, in a match that will be played in the National Stadium. The Civilized Nations took an important away point at Lethislavania yesterday, and still lead the group, but if Cockbill Street were to win they would have three wins from three games and would have an exceptionally good start to their qualifying campaign - especially considering the closest challenger on paper, Lethislavania, have given up four points in their first two games this season.

COCKBILL STREET 2 (Canning 47, Hornby 81)
SONARON 1 (??? 66)

C-mail ratings: Qurat 6 - Widdleston 5, Olivine 5, Kent 6 - McLavish 7, Robertson 6, Sodalite 6, Cawdron 6 - Swytherton 7 - Peters 6, Canning 6

The Bureaucratic Tribune

VICTORY IS OURS!

Megalopolis City (BT) - Matchday three would see 105th Piquantrax face Oglethorpia at home. The Piquantrax Penguins came in with a 0-0-1 record, and would leave with a 0-0-2 record at the end of the day.

Prior to the match, manager/head moral supporter Torrence Black and OAF Pres Joe Staplin felt this was the only side Oglethorpia had a chance against; and so in preparation, the team actually held a practice session instead of lounging around all day.

And yet even with the for once prepared Oglethorpian side taking to the field, the Penguins seemed poised to hand Torrence Black's squad a loss with a goal by Generic Striker #3 in the 6th minute. Oglethorpia failed to answer the goal until the 38th minute when Issac White found himself with the ball, knocking it past Generic Goalie #1. At half Oglethorpia was even with Piquantrax.

Billiam Christmas's 46th minute goal opened up the second half; and it would be the deciding goal in the match, ending Oglethorpia 2-1 Penguins.

"Man, the Penguins were really givin' us a run for our money," said Oglethorpian manager Black after the match. "But we had well placed hope; we had a suspicion we were going to win. It's key for us not to go for the win when it's obvious we're not gunna; it manages morale for matches like this where we're able to win. The guys played well."

With the victory, Oglethorpia sits at second in the group; but with the bottom three in the group having only played two matches to Oglethorpia and Crystilakere's three, it's likely the squad won't be in the coveted second place position much longer.

"That's alright," said Staplin. "It's nice for now, but remember; the 2-2-6 prediction will soon manifest itself. Gotta keep things low key, before we start having delusional hallucinations of actually qualifying for the World Cup."

Oglethorpia has a bye day on matchday four, which shall determine their position within group two with most teams having played three matches.

Group 2
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Po
--------------------------------------------
1. Crystilakere 3 3 0 0 7 1 +6 9
2. Oglethorpia 3 1 1 1 5 6 -1 4
3. Raptor Claw 2 1 0 1 1 2 -1 3
4. Haperd 2 0 1 1 3 4 -1 1
5. Piquantrax 2 0 0 2 2 5 -2 0

MATCH STATS
Brought to you by Amalgamated Industries

OGLETHORPIA 2 - (I. White 38th, B. Christmas Jr. 46th)
PIQUANTRAX 1 - (Generic Striker #3 6th)

Layeth Low By Lowland Clans
Sigh Of Disappointment Shared By All
Sir Peter d’Gradburg, Ye Olde Printing Press

After the heady heights thy Marmadukes experienced most joyfully after the surprise win over Nonesuch Street, thee team have verily been brought lo by thee Lowland Clans, thy top seeds. Marry, many thoughtest that thy Lowlandianerites would flounder like thee fish and fail to impress, especial after thy drawest with thou n00bish Abystimistayanatanstan. Nevertheless, thy Clans of thee Lands Low, managed to outwit, outplay and outlast thoust most favourable Marmadukes.

Only a single goal was forthcoming for thy away team. Christian Dressel, thy forward with thee most holy of names (if you’re in the minority of Liamist Christians), was forthright in his attacking on thy battlefield. Verily, he attacked as if possessed by some sort of demon virus, possibly the Demon Flu. He lashed thy ball out with such veracity from a narrow angle, the TLC goalkeeper in its path, prithee, was knocked off his feet, carrying thy ball into thee back of thy net.

Unfortunately, the Marmadukes were unable to hold their lead, concedingeringeth two goals before games end, leaving TLC with a 2-1 defeat. Strangely enough, this defeat still leaves the Liamist States in third position, in a three-way tie for third, but verily, we be ahead on goal difference and goals for. The Liamist States is hopingeth for a minimum of fifteen points from these qualifiers but to qualify for the Holy Grail of NS Soccer, we will, marry, prithee and verily, need a draw or two against TLC, Spurland or Nonesuch Street on their return legs. Next matchday, thy Marmadukes play BoF participants, Nedalia and will hopefully crusheth them into little, n00by pieces.

As It Standeth
Group 4
Win (2-0): Nonesuch Street (36), Nonesuch Street
Loss (3-4): Spurland (35), Fairbank
Loss (1-2): The Lowland Clans (17), The Lowland Clans
MD: Nedalia (94), Nedalia
MD: Abysmalistan (-), Trenport
MD: Nonesuch Street (36), Adali
MD: Spurland (35), Spurland
MD: The Lowland Clans (17), City de Liam
MD: Nedalia (94), Mayfair
MD: Abysmalistan (-), Away

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Po
--------------------------------------------
1. Spurland 3 3 0 0 9 3 +6 9
2. The Lowland Clans 3 2 1 0 4 2 +2 7
3. Liamist States 3 1 0 2 6 6 0 3
4. Nonesuch Street 3 1 0 2 4 4 0 3
5. Nedalia 3 1 0 2 3 6 -3 3
6. Abysmalistan 3 0 1 2 1 6 -5 1

Gabalfa Observer: 25th April 2005

FULL OF BEANS!

BEANESTAN 0
BETTIA 3 Ward 9, Whistler 40 (pen), Abdul-Rahim 85

Bettia got their qualifying campaign back on track by putting three goals past bottom-of-the-table strugglers Beanestan - but depsite the oh-so-witty headline, none of the goals were wind-assisted.

Ian Atkin rung the changes, resting some of his more established stars and giving some of his fringe players the chance to gain some much needed experience. Bettia, sporting their change kit of blue and white quarters, took control right from the start with Ieaun Swain making some early inroads down the right-hand side. It was Swain who helped set up Bettia's first goal on nine minutes, cutting in from the wing and finding Gethin Ward with a diagonal ball into the area who slotted the ball under Beanestan's goalkeeper Dunn to make it one-nil.

Bettia continued to pour forward and create chances whilst thwarting Beanestan's front two House and Lavette with some solid tackling. Abdul-Rahim went close on twenty minutes with a speculative effort from twenty-five yards that Dunn did well to tip around the post. Dunn was called into action again from the resulting corner, catching a Coates header at the second attempt.

By this time, Beanestan's defence were looking decidedly nervous with Bettia seemingly able to break down the wings almost at will. Things came to a head on forty minutes as Pullman caught the defence napping with a through-ball to Ward who was cynically hacked down inside the area as he was about to pull the trigger. The referee had no option but to send the guilty party Jamal Ball off the pitch for his foul.

As Ward received treatment for the knock to his ankle, Omar Whistler stepped up and blasted the ball straight down the centre of the goal, leaving Dunn to look despairingly as he dived to his left.

The unfortunate Ward struggled gamely through the remainder of the half but had to be replaced by the up-and-coming Bobby Rosensteihl during the break.

Beanestan's coach Fields also took the opportunity to make changes, replacing midfielder Grant Rich with David Snow to bolster his depleted defence. He must have put something into the tea as it was the home side who came out all guns blazing, with Lavette in particular looking dangerous. Lavette linked up well with strike partner House, forcing DiTorino in the Bettian goal to make an acrobatic save on fifty-seven minutes.

Ian Atkins made his second change of the match soon afterwards, replacing Whistler with Brown with the intention of injecting a bit of pace into Bettia's attacking play. This had the desired effect as Bettia gradually regained control of midfield, showing some more of the fluid moves that marked their first half performance.

Bettia's pressure finally paid off as Swain cut in on the goal-line and chipped the ball over Dunn for Stuart Abdul-Rahim to claim an easy header into an empty net, making the game safe for the Aroras.

After the match, manager Ian Atkins told us, "I'm very pleased with the result. After our loss to EL CID, I couldn't have asked for a better turnaround. I'm especially pleased with the performances from Marty Rahl, who was solid throughout, and Ieaun Swain who was inspirational at times. They say that every manager loves to have a selection dilemma ahead of each game - well, thats fast becoming true for me."

Bettia's next game is at home to San Verdi, and they'll be looking to build on this win to try and gain some ground on the group leaders. EL CID THE HERO are setting the early pace in Group 5 after winning all three of the opening matches, with Bettia's opening opponents Starblaydia hot on their heels. The Aroras now find themselves in third place by virtue of a better goal difference.


BEANESTAN 0-3 BETTIA

Bookings:
Beanestan: Ruffin, Betters
Bettia: Ryder, Pullman

Sendings Off:
Beanestan: Ball (40 mins, serious foul play)
Bettia: none


ATTENDANCE: 57,433


TEAM
Formation: 5-3-2

2. DiTorino
4. Ryder
7. Carew
8. Ismail
9. Rahl
12. Coates
14. Pullman
17. Whistler (sub 15. Brown, 63 mins)
19. Swain
20. Abdul-Rahim
24. Ward (sub 22. Rosenstiehl, 45 mins)

Unused Substitutes:
1. Bettison
10. McKinnon
11. Bin Da'ud


Results / Fixtures

MD1: ....Starblaydia 0-0 Bettia
MD2: .........Bettia 1-2 EL CID THE HERO
MD3: ......Beanestan 0-3 Bettia
MD4: .........Bettia vs. San Verdi
MD5: .........Lykaia vs. Bettia
MD6: .........Bettia vs. Starblaydia
MD7: EL CID THE HERO vs. Bettia
MD8: .........Bettia vs. Beanestan
MD9: ......San Verdi vs. Bettia
MD10: ........Bettia vs. Lykaia


Current Group 5 Table

.................W D L..F A GD..Pts
EL CID THE HERO..3 0 0..6 2 +4..9
Starblaydia......2 1 0..5 2 +3..7
Bettia...........1 1 1..4 2 +2..4
Lykaia...........1 1 1..5 4 +1..4
San Verdi........0 1 2..5 8 -3..1
Beanestan........0 0 3..1 8 -7..0


Bettia WC22 Stats

Goalscorers
1: Rosensteihl, Ward, Whistler, Abdul-Rahim

Discipline
Red Cards: None
Yellow Cards: Connick, Williams, Ryder, Pullman

The Daily Druid

RAINBOWS FLYING HIGH
Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po on Druida 1 Spaam 0

Druida continued on their way through their World Cup 22 Qualifying campaign with a 1-0 win against our friends in Spaam. A single goal from Trefor Montenegro proved enough to keep Druida's 100% record intact. It means that Druida are now unbeaten in World Cup play since the shocking display in Naglegrad three and a half years ago.

However, there is a much more important story the world needs to know about...


DRUIDANS ARE PISSHEADS
A special report by Bill Posters.

After decades of being thought of simply as stupid by the international press, a recent study has shown that many Druidans have a genetic disorder that prevents them from being quite the people they should be. Yes, Druidans are, on the whole, genetically alcoholic.

It does, of course, make sense. A lot of the cleverest people in Druida are professional sportspeole who are not allowed to drink as part of their job. The rest, such as a lot of President Smith's staff, are all sworn teetotalers.

But we need to look only at the President himself to see the beginning of the problem. Once upon a time, he was a young revolutionary, promising a brighter future for the people of hte Druidish Lands. Now look at him. He's ridiculed as one of the stupidest people in the World.

Indeed, when you see a stupid person somewhere internationally, they always seem to be Druidan. But now we know the root of the problem, perhaps it could be time to stamp it out.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

President Smith: "It says here I'm an alcoholic."

Unnamed helper: "Where?"

President Smith: "Here in The Daily Druid. Am I?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, it's no good me telling you, it's something you've got to admit to yourself."

President Smith, swigging his Cheap Druidan Wine: "So that's a no then?"

At this point, the phone rings. Unnamed helper answers. "Hello?"

Dave: "Hello, it's Dave here."

Unnamed helper: "Ah, hows it coming along?"

Dave: "Well, I think I've found the boys."

Unnamed helper: "Fantastic!"

Dave: "They're called Todd and Alex and they live in Graceville."

Unnamed helper: "Great! Well, what's your next step?"

Dave: "Well, as they're a bit keen on the old football, we're inviting tehm to a week's training session with South Coast United's Druidan goalie Elastic Edwards. Only when they turn up and their parents leave them here, we'll just take them away."

Unnamed helper: "Genius! Well, good luck with it."

Dave: "Thank you! Bye!"

Unnamed helper, putting the phone down: "Well, that's all going to plan!"

President Smith: "What is?"

Unnamed helper: "Oh, nothing for you to worry about..."

Zhorin Resuces Starblaydia From 0-0
Substitute Doukas shakes up midfield

There's something about Starblaydia's midfield that isnt quite right. Sure, we potentially have four of the greatest Starblaydi midfielders ever. Nick Matranga, Gbenga Ogunniya, Syku Kyku-Agbayani and Thanh Madray are enough to make most opposing teams sit up and take notice, but they're just not quite gelling like they should.

For all Ogunniya's much-touted all-round ability in midfield, there's nothing new about the idea that he's much better going forwards than he is at going back. Why he's being used as the defensive midfielder in a diamond, however, is beyond us. He also has a problem when combined with Lyku-Agbayani in midfield. They just don't have the teamwork needed to make a great partnership between them.

Lyku-Agbayani is also a little lightweight to make his presence felt in midfield. Going forward, ghosting into the box and finishing past a despairing 'keeper is his forte. The same too, with the wide men, Matranga and Madray. The Iskara Daii player often drifts well wide on the left, while Matranga is prone to wander on each wing.

"We're having a little trouble finding the perfect balance," said Minister for Sport Lord Rikaard Van Honjiik. There's no question we have the best players on the pitch, but we're just trying to find that perfect blend."

All-in-all this is adding up to Starblaydia underperforming, particularly when faced with a tough or flooded midfield. When Stelios Doukas came on for Ogunniya, everything seemed to fit a lot better. Watt moved up a little, Doukas anchored the midfield and Lyku-Agbayani was set free. Even the wingers became more disciplined as Doukas continually growled at them to form up. Fitting, therefore, when Doukas played a slide-rule pass through the heart of the Lykaian defence, neatly stepped over by Lyku-Agbayani for Tumunzahar to blast into the net on seventy-nine minutes.

Something is rotten in the heart of the Starblaydi midfield. But second in the table and undefeated in three matches can't reallyb b that bad, can it?

Related Player Records:
Senior Under-21
Name Caps Goals Caps Goals
Stelios Doukas 20 3 4 0
Zhorin Tumunzahar 17 6 18 18*

* indicates Starblayi Record

OOC: Woah, I thought I missed like half of qualifying already!

IC:

THE ZUCCHINI CHRONICLE:

Tadjikistan Win Zucchinis Through Under-Tongued Means


After wins against the likes of Moleland and Kazakhstania, the Zucchinis' qualification hopes hit a minor bump on the road after a controversial 2:1 loss to 26th ranked Tadjikistan. Oshin has always been a man for the big stage, and he did spectacularly well in this match, keeping a clean sheet for the first half, Perles putting the Zucchinis ahead after a particularly good passage of play down the right wing, Gominsha providing the cross for Perles to finish under pressure. Things were looking good for them at the end of the first half, 1:0 up away from home and with good displays by key players in the squad. However, things soon overturned in the second half, and it was not without controversy.

Tadjikistan had an excellent effort by Gasparian held by Oshin, who leapt through the air to grab the ball destined for the top corner. What followed could be described as nothing short of farcical. Oshin punted the ball up the field, and immediately after that, was wrapped by the tongue of an unregistered Tadjikistan substitute, known only as "Kermit". He was then swallowed, then spat out again by the substitute. Meanwhile, neither the referee nor any of the linesmen spotted this. When Head Coach Tolar brought this to the attention to the 4th official, he responded by saying that Coach Tolar was "out of (his) mind".

Unfortunately, Oshin was never really the force he was after the incident, and as the half went by, Gasparian put 2 easy shots past him to give Tadjikistan the win. However, the GZFA is not taking this sitting down. They are apparantly preparing to send an appeal to the WCC (if it still exists) to take action against Tadjikistan and to tighten laws on the registration of squads for qualifying matches.

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Pentastan
'Slaves hit Five past Rittarstan

An impressive performance saw Audioslavia secure win number two by hitting five goals past struggling Rittarstan yesterday.

In a scintillating first half display, Hellstrom and Jeroen both rattled in goals before the ten minute mark. A powerful Aron Ceulemans header made it three goals to nil on the half hour mark. Kristen Dvorak made it four just five minutes later.

Rittarstan could be forgiven for crumbling in the second half, but the side held up well and even got off a few attacks of their own, keeping Gabe Celta busy for a good quarter of an hour in the Audioslavian goal.

The 'slaves trump card however, is their counter-attacking, and Jan-Arne Hellstrom put away the first countering oppotunity that the 'slaves got, latching onto a Torrini through ball, beating the centre back and thumping home number five.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 5 - Hellstrom (5, 71), Jeroen (9), Ceulemans (19), Dvorak (30)
Rittarstan 0.

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Its chicanda magic...
[/bad-queen-puns]

CHICANDA - AUDIOSLAVIA
LISBON, Timonn 1 - 1 CELTA, Gabriel
DALLAS, Zatorsky 2 - 18 COLGAN, Derry
CHERUNDOLO, Tony 3 - 3 RAVEN, David
NOEBI, Loeb 4 - 6 CEULEMANS, Aron
VENLILL, Eroden 5 - 15 CAIRBRE, Brogan
BASTIAN, Damarus 6 - 4 BATTLE, Jack
LOERI, Predence 7 - 7 JEROEN, Taurxa
WESTINGTON, Jude 8 - 11 TORRINI, Kelly
KLERITON, Samuel 9 - 19 DVORAK, Kristen
ERISH, Chinglin 10 - 9 CESARE, Pierre
KOZTEN, Weston 11 - 10 HELLSTROM, Jan-Aarne

After two matches against two lesser teams, the 'slaves took to the field against Chicanda knowing that they were about to get their toughest test.

The 'slaves started off the better side. They kept posession well, but couldn't find any sort of way past the resilient Chicanda defence. With almost half an hour gone and the 'slavian midfielders getting quite frustrated, Battle played a hopeful, but poor long ball which was cut out by Noebi, and Chicanda were allowed to break. Noebi layed the ball off for Westington who hit a superb curling ball down the line for Venlill to run onto. Venlill had no trouble making his way past Colgan, and his sweeping ball into the box was met by Kleriton, who headed a powerful shot low past Celta.

A pin drop could be heard in the Soundgardian national arena as the 'slaves faithful were silenced. The majority of Chicandese fans that made the journey from Chicanda to Audioslavia were left outside the stadium thanks to some crummy organising by the AFA, but as soon as news met them they started celebrating so much as for the fans inside to hear.

Chicanda had the better play towards half-time, and after the interval they really started testing Audioslavia. Kleriton rattled the woodwork with a long-range effort whilst Kozten had a headed goal disallowed forn an alleged push on David Raven.

The 'slaves were struggling against the powerful Chicandadians, and the only solution Didi Romanov could think of was to bring on the big man Anders Burn for midfielder Jack Battle.

Burn helped quell the attacks somewhat which gave Jeroen and Torrini get down the wings and create oppotunities for the 'slaves. Nineteen-year-old David Hayles, a late substitution for Kristen Dvorak, had a great oppotunity from ten yards but scuppered his chance over the bar, whilst Cesare came closest of all to getting the equaliser, but managed to mis-direct a free-header past the post.

After three minutes of injury time and frantic attacks by the 'slaves, the referee ended proceedings. Several 'slavian players slumped to the floor whilst the Chicandese celebrated their second win of the competition after their 'shock' 2-1 win over The Belmore Family last week.

Group 7
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Po
--------------------------------------------
1. Wella 3 2 1 0 5 2 +3 7
2. Audioslavia 3 2 0 1 7 1 +6 6
3. Chicanada 3 2 0 1 4 3 +1 6
4. Rittarstan 3 1 1 1 2 6 -4 4
5. The Belmore Family 3 0 2 1 1 2 -1 2
6. Black Yellow 3 0 0 3 2 7 -5 0

Despite the defeat, the 'slaves seem to be in good stead, and a win against Wella will put them at the top of the table unless Chicanda can hit at least six goals past their opponents. The 'slaves will need a solic performance against Wella, a side that have always posed problems for the 'slaves, despite never actually beating us in two attempts.

G'nite bitches.

“Hello and welcome to Nedalia Sports Tonight. I’m Vern Tap and this is my co-host JJ.”

“How do you, Vern?”

“Not too bad, JJ. No need in reminding who Kafra International Stadium will be hosting tomorrow…”

“Absolutely not, the entire nation has been looking forward to our second home match, and 4th overall. The Liamist States, if our boys can act right, will be in for one hell of a match.”

“It has to be said that the Liamist States have been a little bit of a disappointment so far, only collecting 3 points from the first 3 games, ahead of our underachieving squad only on goal difference. The Marmadukes, as they seem to enjoy calling themselves, were not too impressive in their last two games. Do you see the trend continuing here, JJ?”

“Well you know what, it will all come down to the way the Lions perform. If they can get their heads right and play to their capabilities, and I don’t see any reason why these Liamist States wont remain with 3 points after their 4th game. Its only a matter of concentration because the ability of this Nedalia team cannot be denied.”

“You speak wise and true words. And who came up with their brand of English? Are they on some retro fad there? Shakespeare lives on, I see…”

“Don’t get me started. Thy thee and howt not, give me a break. Must be the only way they think they can have a little sophistication.”

“Which we obviously possess…”

“Right….anyway, lets look at the Nedalia starting lineup for tomorrow. First up, Derrell Lynch between the posts.”

“Yes, he’s been outstanding so far this season for Captera, and he won’t be unseated anytime soon. Rarely makes a mistake this one. Its Lynch for sure.”

“Indeed, and the defensive line should not see any changes in the starting lineup either. At left back, its Honsfield’s Vastu. This one just never seems to get tired, does he? Having a good season for his team. The two central defenders will remain Huller and the captain of the squad, Cole Zenith. At right back, Bronkstone’s Stake will start again, although I would not be surprised to see Lamm take his place later in the match.”

“Yes, Lamm has shown incredible progress this season with Honsfield, and I think its only a matter of time before this former U21 star begins starting matches for the senior squad.”

“Only 21 years old, that one. In the midfield, we all know who the starting left winger is, and what a season he’s been having. Nene has scored 7 goals in 10 matches for Shoreland, and his worth to this national squad can not be measured. He is going to be partnered by Hardman in the defensive midfield role, Fouad on the right, and Kenneth on the attacking section of the diamond.”

“The midfield is easily Nedalia’s strength. I mean just look at the substitute bench: Downing, Point, Gordon. These players should have more than enough talent to be starting, especially Downing.”

“Unfortunately, only 4 of them can start, although you would expect either Downing or Point to come on. Finally, the forwards are Yamtech and Mattan, no suprises there.”

“No, although Karry and James are incredibly gifted, they are still young to be thrown into starting lineups. That being said, it doesn’t seem to bother James one bit, although Karry has yet to see the net.”

“Well that does it for us. We’ll be with you tomorrow in what will hopefully a defeat by the Liamist States to a bunch of ‘n00bs’. Goodnight.”

Stars slam into position, 2-0

After stumbling out of the gate to the tune of a 0-0 draw against the bottom-ranked team in Group 8, the Sarzonian national football team has looked more the part of the highest ranked side, getting a goal from Darwin Russell and one from midfielder Bobby Convey en route to a 2-0 shutout that leaves the team two points behind first place Druida for the top spot in the group.

The Stars (2-1-0, seven points) go into their critical match against Spaam in Hendrix Stadium in Woodstock with a plus eight goal differential and have not conceded a goal in three matches. They expect to have a stern test from a team that was formerly one of the elite teams in World Cup football.

"This is going to be a test and they're probably going to use some of my comments as bulletin board fodder," Coach Dave Wilson said. Wilson was especially harsh in his assessment of Spaam when the team received word of its group draw that put it in the same group. "The good news is that we get the game in Hendrix. We expect a full house of navy-clad supporters."

The team is expected to wear its road white uniforms to force Spaam to wear darker colours with gametime temperature expected to be 34 degrees and humid. Wilson wouldn't comment on the rumour, but a reserve midfielder on the Stars who declined to be named for the story said the team would "absolutely" try to force Spaam to tire out.

"It's a tactic like any other," he said. "If we can tire them out by forcing them to chase the ball when we have it and by making them wear dark colours in searing heat, let's do that."

The other story of the match could be considered the venue itself. After an extensive refurbishment, Hendrix Stadium was declared ready for the match just two days before the deadline, but the visitor's locker room will be "somewhat cramped," while some last minute details are ironed out.

"It's playable," Incorporated Football Federation Chairman Terry Mangione said. "It meets the minimum standards for a World Cup venue, but there's still going to be some work that needs to be done. It will be completed well in advance" of Druida's visit to Hendrix Stadium.

But for now, Spaam will have to live with the conditions as they are.

Jeruselem 3:2 Praying2God


**a mob of Praying2God citizens gathers around a TV and sees the score, prompting shouts of...**

"Blasphemy!!! Stone the refs!!!" (OOC known as the scorinator) :gundge:

**the mob goes off to find stones and gather more people to join them** :D

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Tragic spontaneous human combustion

Megalopolis City (BT) - With the departure of 27th ranked Melmond from the World Cup, and further, group two, what was sure to be a resounding morale-crushing matchday four bout against the footballing power became a bye-day.

And yet, even weasling its way out of two days of qualifying, disaster still struck the Oglethorpian squad. In a tragic and wholly freak accident, midfielders David Davison and Isaac White died from simultaneous spontaneous human combustion reactions. BS National Police later determined that shortly after, the house the two were in also spontaneously combusted.

"Can you believe the luck, that they'd both spontaneously combust within the presence of one another, and then the house they were in burned down too? Boy, i'd love to think there were one simple cause, but that's reality for you," stated BS Nat'l Police head Marcus Mauve.

Quick to replace its depleted midfield, the OAF (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Oglethorpian_Association_of_Football) named brothers Cletus van Mistletoe and Luud van Mistletoe to the recently vacated spots. Of note are that they are concidentally from the same club as their predecessors, and of further note that they are the offspring of acclaimed Oglethorpian striker Ruben van Mistletoe.

"I'm so glad that that makes two generations of 'van Mistletoes' in Oglethorpian football," said the elder van Mistletoe in a public statement following the OAF announcement. "I just hope no one's gunna call my boy 'Cletus' 'The Fetus,' because you know, he hates that."

"Man, i've got great hope in Cletus 'The Fetus.' He's a fantastic player," said OAF Pres. Joe Staplin. "And Luud; man, he's a really appropriate and family-friendly kind of guy. Nothing indecent about him, that's for sure."

With the matchday three bye, manager Torrence Black has made it evident he plans to use the time to acclimate the van Mistletoe brothers into the team.

Playing in the memory of White and Davison, the Oglethorpian squad will face 53rd ranked Raptor Claw on matchday five.

OOC: Nothing personal but media attacks used to be something I did.

Liamist States Press Release

To: Members of Nedalian Media

As we say in Tablelandian: G'" fuck'd. We're gonna whomp your ass. You couldn't even win your BoF. So...yeah!

We've threatened nuclear war for less. Hell, we may carry through on it this time. That would be a bit of a downer for your team.

And don't knock our Medievil Network: they verily havest mo money than thoust entire country.

Mmhmm *clicks fingers from side-to-side*

Ahem...

OOC:

I don't wanna sound like a complainer...but I think it has to be said.

The Cup started Wednesday. If there were a matchday everyday, then today would be matchday seven.

In theory.

...

Vilitan Relationships Harmed by Cup's Delay



Honey, get away from that TV, you know they aren't going to play the game

But, it says right here in the guide, today, right now, today, World Cup 22 Qualifying Matchday 7.

Well Darling how do you expect them to play matchday seven today if they haven't even played matchday four? Come on now come help me with these dishes.

Yea yea I'll get to them later, the broadcast doesnt end for another 20 minutes, they might start playing! I don't want to miss a minute of the action if they do.

Hun, if they haven't started yet, they'll still be playing by the time you get the dishes done, heck, if it's matchday seven you're waiting for, go to the city, sell yourself a bit, use the money to buy a dish washer, come back and load it and you still won't miss anything.

Sorry, What'd you say?

You're absolutely ridiculous. How did I ever get involved with you. You just spend all your time staring at that TV waiting for your little Vilitan soccer players to come on. Well hows this for a change. Why don't you act like a normal person for once, and then when they finally do come on, then take your two hours and watch the damn game, but please, please, please be normal until that happens.

I don't know, I just don't want to miss anything, how am I going to know when it comes on?

You'll know, what the hell I don't know I can't take this anymore what's wrong with you!!!!! Why don't you ever do anything for me?! All I want you to do is get up from that stupid couch and be normal for once! When my friends come over, say Hi to them! Ask them how their day was! Just stop staring at that damn Vilita game and be a normal fecking person for once! Please! Whenever we go anywhere that there is no TV around you completely ignore everyone and set on a B-line to find a damn TV just on the odd damn chance that something is going on with your precious Jungle Cats! YOU NEED HELP! How can you live your life like this?! How do you expect me to live...

Oh look! I think it's on, brilliant.

You little! That's it! I've had it. That's it. I'm walking out of this house right now unless you get up and start being a normal person right thi...

Oh, damn, it's just a rerun from World Cup 20. Hey, did you say something?

*fumes from the head* Yes. I said something. I said that if you don't get the feck up right the feck now I'm going to take your fecking TV and through it the feck out the fecking window. Then I'm going to fecking tie you up to the back of the fecking car and drag you to the fecking hardware store where you are going to buy me a new fecking window. Then you are going to fecking call my friends husband and invite him the feck over so he can fecking help you install the fecking window. Then we're going to enjoy a nice fecking relaxing day like normal fecking people do and theres not going to be any fecking Vilita involved, okay?

Alright, Alright, geez, no reason to get all crazy, why don't I just drive to the hardware s.. wait, the windows not broken ye...

*Picks up large metal object* *crash* There the fecking window is fecking broken now go to the fecking hardware store right the feck now before I throw you out the fecking window you stupid son of a aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright I'm going, just let me know if they start playing again.

*notices sharp object on the table, contemplates it's uses*

OOC this goes fast enough. (Almost)Everyone can RP now

President Rahmonov, after reading The Zucchini Chronicle, ordered his driver to get him to the office of Mikhael Frunze, president of the TNFF. Rahmonov was quite angry, not with the Tadjik results. No those were fine, It were the details that angered him.

Mikhael? Did you read this?

Read what sir?

The Zucchini Chronicle! An unregistered substitute, known only as "Kermit"? Didnt I tell you to abandon the frog program? He swallowed their goalkeeper!

But... sir, I told Andrej to get rid of the frogs.

What? Andrej? You gave the job to Andrej? He's almost blind! He couldnt see an elephant if he was standing in front of it!

He must have mixed them up... Our boys in their green kits and the frogs.

Ok... It happened. The ref and his assistents havent seen a thing. Get the frog and dump it in the zoo, tell them its a rare crocidile or something. And please, take care of this yourself or we'll see a bull as goalkeeper in our next match. Dont mention a word to anyone about this.

Yessir, I'm on it sir.

Government denies it used frogs

Dushanbe - In a pressconference today President Emomali Rahmonov denied that the TNFF was using frogs in a World Cup Qualification match. The President said he refused to risk losing any more goalkeepers or players by these inefficient creatures. For him it was obvious that Giant Zucchini used old inaccurate information to get back at the Tadjiks. Mikhael Frunze added that the frogs failed in most exercises and were useless as fieldplayers, If there were indeed frogs on the team, he said, then Giant Zucchini should have beaten us.
Everyone will be watching Tadjikistan in its next match to see whether there are 'strange' substitutes in the next match against Khazakstania.

Shark Attack

Stadium: Pinealla International Stadium

Roster:

Carrin Oaker (GK), Torry Oaker (GK), Stef Oaker (D), Gray Oaker (D), Mitel Oaker (D), Orion Oaker (D), Tabby Oaker (D), Freddy Oaker (M), Sport Oaker (M), Venus Oaker (M), Arthin Oaker (M), Kelvin Oaker (M), Raven Oaker (M), Flash Oaker (F), Tip Oaker (F), Cats Oaker (F), Pond Oaker (F)


Oaker 1 Corneliu 0

The Oaker Sharks started off qualifying for world cup 22 against Corneliu. Corneliu is a team that the sharks never heard of before and had no clue what to expect when playing them. The two teams met in Oaker at the Pinealla National Stadium and the fans of Oaker were expecting a great victory from their quarter final reaching team from world cup 21. It was nothing great from the sharks who let a perfectly horrible team prevent them from scoring in the first half. The sharks would not lose the game thanks to Flash Oaker who scored in the second half but it was a very dissapointing performance and not what the millions of Oaker fans were hoping to see.

Kingsford 3:3 Oaker

After fears that they would not be allowed to return to the lands they once ravaged, the sharks were finally granted access into Kingsford to compete one of the most anticipated matches on the sharks schedule. While Oaker has improved in recent history everyone knew that it would be tough to beat Kingsford in Kingsford, and Oaker was down 1-3 at half time. Pond Oaker scored at the very start of the game after his cross turned shot bounced off Kingsford goalkeepers head and went into the net. The ball hit the kingsford goalkeeper so hard that he was thrown off his feet and got stuck in the netting. There was over 10 minutes of stoppage time added to the first half after the long delay in cutting the netting off the goalie and replacing the net in that goal.

The Sharks faught back in the second half and looked like the team that should be kicking butt in Kingsford. Orion Oaker was pushing forward from defense and feeding some really nice passes out to the sides for Sport Oaker and Raven Oaker to run with. Sport's cross resulted in a goal headed in by Flash Oaker, and the stadium went crazy. Thousands of fans were shirtless waving their Flash Oaker shirts high above their heads as the striker did a celebratory lap around the stadium. Oaker were still losing 2-3 but no one doubted that they would come back and they did just that. Again it was Flash Oaker who scored this time with a long range shot from 25 yards that bent as if it were a placed free kick and once again the stadium stood in cheers. It was a very exciting match that ended 3-3 in a draw.

Oaker 2:1 Kaze Progressa

The sharks kept their unbeaten record so far by beating Kaze Progressa. This team has fallen from their once glorious stage when Oaker would fear a game against them. Now the sharks have nothing to fear and the scoreline did not do justice to the match, which was dominated by the sharks. Oaker quickly jumped out to a two goal lead through Flash Oaker and Sport Oaker and that is how the match was at half time. There was an odd event when a meteor fell from the sky and crashed into Freddy Oaker, hitting him on the leg and the midfielder was rushed to the hospital with no word yet on his condition. Oaker continued to control the play and neither team had many chances in the second half, until Kaze Progressa scored a very late goal off a misplayed ball by Tabby Oaker and the final score was 2-1 in favor of the sharks.

OOC: Absolutely no offense taken. The trash talk is all RP, and it makes it a whole lot more fun.

"I dont know whats going on. Perhaps its a conspiracy. We finally won a match, and now the organizers seem to have lost the plot and just canceled the whole damn qualifying campaign!" commented manager Randy Gamman outside of the team's training facility. "Come on people, we have the Liamist States next. Those knights in plastic armor are ready for a beating, and you do this to us?"

Gamman went on insulting Nedalia's upcoming opponents for the next 7 minutes, calling them every possible name he could think of. Its obvious that he has not taken kindly to the harsh words stated by the Liamist States media about the Lions.

"We bust our asses for hours before our international matchups, only to be called amateurish by some backwards, horse riding wannabe nation? Spare me the injustice."

There has also been an anxious wait for the matches to be announced by the players themselves. They continue to practice, however, even though they dont know when it will be.

"We have no idea what's going on. We hope the situation gets rectified soon. The organizers need to get their act together." captain Cole Zenith said. His sentiments were echoed by the rest of the team.

From: Dean C. Willis, President, Grand Dominion of Bedistan
To: Press Office, Government of the Liamist States

To whom it may concern:

While I'm fairly certain you were joking about the threat of nuclear war against Nedalia, I would like to kindly remind you that Bedistan shares a border with that nation. Thus, if you do strike, we would greatly appreciate it if you would confine your attacks to the southern half of that nation.

Have a nice day.

Sincerely,
Dean C. Willis, President
Grand Dominion of Bedistan

So much for 34 degrees, forward Brian Wilson muttered as he set out toward the practice field two blocks from the old Palestra. He was huddled under an umbrella as a torrential downpour on the heels of a cold front that caught weather forecasters unaware and brought temperatures a full 25 degrees lower than predicted.

At least Wilson came prepared. He listened to the classic rock station's DJs announce the sudden appearance of the cold front and the lower-than-expected temperature, along with the rain showers. As Wilson was pondering the scene, he saw teammate and his successor as team captain Darwin Russell looking miserable outside the facility.

"Dar, what's wrong?"

"Practice has been moved indoors. Your dad's been waiting for you for an hour!"

"I thought he was supposed to start without me and I was supposed to be suspended for the first half."

"He got caught in the rainstorm and the traffic jam on Isselmere. He's going to be lenient about it today."

"Well, that's good to know." Wilson looked at Russell and noticed he was sopping wet.

"What are you doing, taking your shower out here?"

Russell grimaced and Wilson knew it was because the team captain didn't dress for the weather conditions. He didn't even own an umbrella as far as Wilson knew. Wilson motioned Russell into the facility.

"C'mon, let's get out of this rain and let's get you into some dry kit."

As the two men walked in, a frustrated Coach Dave Wilson greeted them.

"We still don't have word of when or even if we'll be playing," Dave Wilson said. "If you guys want to work out on Level Four, you're welcome to. Though I'd at least get you a towel Darwin," he said with a smirk.

Brian Wilson and Russell looked at each other and shrugged. The World Cup would get restarted eventually. They hoped.

Vikings enjoy extra practice for rematch against Dance 2 Revolution

There was a relaxed feeling in the training complex. People running on treadmills, people lifting weights, even people lounging around. It was all around in the Vikings training facilities as they were enjoying the extra time to prepare for the next upcoming matches in World Cup XXII.

Mike Nolan and Shelly Berry were seen heading out of the complex a little early looking to relax on their own, understandable considering the amount of extra practice that the team has recieved. But it has been great practices Coach Disterfred has said. The forwards are looking faster and stronger with their shots, the defenders have spent countless hours reviewing movies and gaining more tactical options for their upcoming matches, and Powell Lamar has been improving his footwork to better move around the goal and get into positions to stop shots. It has been very productive for the Vikings and they look like they can make a strong move for the remaining matches.

"Its all a bit of a mess, isn't it?" Nikola put his newspaper down.

"The Cup is fooked!" Lord Van Honjiik exclaimed at the news. "It's going to end, right here, right now! No more 'Minister of Sport' for me! I'm going to go back to being the plain-old Minister for Double Posts, for fook's sake!"

"Calm down, you prat," Nikola was getting more annoyed by this 'noble' every day, "Someone else will take over. Vilita, or Legalese, perhaps. Either way its staying in Atlantian Oceania. OR, at least, half of it is."

"So we're still going to have a World Cup?" Rikaard looked as if a death warrant with his name on it had just been torn up. "Still a chance for us to be World Champions?"

Nikola sighed, picking his paper back up. "Yes, of course."

"Wooooot!"

"What?" Nikola stared at the Minister.

"Um, I mean," the Minister searched for a word, "great! Yes, that's it."

"Alright." Nikola picked his paper back up. "Go take the lads for some five-a-side training. Shed some pounds yourself."

"Okay, Nikola..."

GANN Sports Desk: ~ The Gaians still wait for the next Cup matches to commence, not very pleased with the constant delays being endured from one cup to the next.

"Except for our inital BoF Cup, I think the only Cups not messed up as a result, are the U21 Cups and the NSFA Cup our own Sentienls won.

All I can say is, that if a Cup cannot be properly hosted like it is 'promised', then someone's processes need to be redone completely."

...the words of Sean Masaki however do not reflect the rest of the team, since eyes are more focused on the interstellar war now beginning to rage within the Deatharon Empire, the U21 Soft Wings are starting off well, and the Jurai`alheim Clans are playing for the Champions VI Cup Finals, there's enough distraction to divert from the World Cup, already seemingly doomed to ignominious relegation to CoH XIV, though defending that Cup wouldn't be so bad.

There are worse things....

"In the end, we still hold true to our tennants, and that is that the game is most important to us, not the politics. We just have to keep focusing our our tean, and set the example of excellence we strive for." Coach Kerensky put in a more reasonable tone, though even she too is distressed at the events taking place.

OOC: To be fair, none of us - neither me nor SO, nor ANY of you complainers, expected RL stuff to crop up. It has been decided the cup will continue with MD4 projected for today, or tomorrow AT THE VERY LATEST, with the hosts VI-LE-gal.

Liamist States Press Release
Illario Forster, Media Dude

As Chicanada already fully knows, the Liamist States has some of the best espionage technology NS-wide, including a high-tech range of sinister looking megamicrophone satellites.

We usually bug the FA HQ of our opponents and get very annoyed at slander, which we have responded to in an itemised fashion for your convenince:
Horse-riding: Yes, a nation of 3.5 billion has the kilojoules to spare on horses. Especially, when you consider very few (in the hundreds) people live outside of cities.
Knights in plastic armour: The Feudal System, while popular at the time, was well and truly over before the invention of plastic.
Wannabes: If anyone are wannabes here, it is you.

Please note for future refernce that we are not a medievil nation but in fact, a sophisticated and technologically advanced people. Our Medievil Network (ie the media outlet) have exclusive rights to the qualifiers and have some peculiar ways of doing things.

The nuclear strike is also a very real threat. Don't piss off a nationalistic people.

Thank you.

P.S. Apologies for yesterday. My twelve year old got a hold of my email passwords and sent off a number of threatening releases.

OOC: Matchday 4 will be posted in 10 minutes.

EDIT: Further 5 minutes.

MD4 is now up (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8761125&postcount=5).

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem banishes EVIL

OK, not quite. This refers to the latest World Cup XXII results. Jeruselem played Sacred Evil and this really evil team wasn't much of a challenge on the football field. Jeruselem put paid to their evil deeds with 4-0 win to show them how to play the game. It also gave Jeruselem a 4-0-0 record, which keeps Jeruselem 1st in Region 13. Clearly, even with Sacred Evil in Region 13, Satan has given up playing soccer.

Turori took on our rivals Praying2God. No one got any goals or bragging rights with the scoreless draw, and Turori stay 2nd still with the best defensive record. We wanted Turori to win, but that's soccer. Turori are still undefeated but P2G have already lost two games (one to us of course) and need to get God on their side.

Fimble loving peoples got a win against Bryn Shander who have faded badly after their first up win. The Fimble lovers move to 4th as the usual suspects occupy the top 3.

Sacred Evil 0 Jeruselem 4
Turori 0 Praying2God 0
Fimble loving peoples 2 Bryn Shander 1


Region 13 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Jeruselem 12 4 0 0 14:4 10
2. Turori 10 3 1 0 7:2 5
3. Praying2God 4 1 1 2 6:5 1
4. Fimble loving peoples 4 1 1 2 4:7 -3
5. Bryn Shander 3 1 0 3 4:8 -4
6. Sacred Evil 1 0 1 3 1:10 -9

Street Three Quarters There
Third Win That Counts

Cockbill Street's win streak was extended to four official games yesterday, after a home victory in the National Stadium gave the Street nine points from three games in qualifying. Yet again, it was a professional performance, as both sides invited the crowd to entertaining football.

It was the Civilized Nations who opened up best, firing a couple of very decent shots that Qurat had to dive to get away from the goalmouth. After the first ten minutes, Christine Andrews recognised that the midfield combination wasn't working, and she shuffled Sodalite and Swytherton around in the centre, to good effect. That stopped many Civilized Nations attacks, and even more were stopped when the Streetian defenders found their footing.

Thus, during the first half, the match swung more and more into the Streetians' grasp, and it was highly deserved when Philip McLavish's cross found the head of Rhianna Peters for 1-0 in the 28th minute. After that, it was thought to be plain sailing for the Street, but the Civilized Nations rallied and could easily have had a goal before half-time. However, Olivine was sublime in central defence when the others let him down, setting the tackles when required.

The second half saw a goal to either side, Alan Canning making it 2-0 for the Street fifteen minutes into the half before the Civilized Nations got a consolation goal at the end. Rhianna Peters was "pleased with the game - we got out there and showed one way to win a football game, and I think everyone enjoyed it."

As the Street prepare for a tour to Leninstan in Lethislavania, they're facing a side in desperate need of points. Lethislavania drew for the third time running, 0-0 with Aust, and are now four points behind Five Civilized Nations in the race for second place. If Cockbill Street win, they would be almost assured of qualification, as they would have a massive lead on number three in the group.

'Angry' Stars lose edge, match

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- So much for home field advantage.

After an extended break due to repeated blunders by World Cup organisers, the Sarzonian national team finally played their match against third seeded Spaam at Hendrix Stadium last night. But instead of the 34 degree conditions weather forecasters predicted for the normal match day, the gametime temperature was a balmy 21 degrees and humidity was low.

That was the first problem for the Stars, who were playing in their road whites while Spaam wore their darker kits. The defence failed the Stars, giving up an own goal in the 42nd minute that proved to be the only goal in a 1-0 loss that had Coach Dave Wilson fuming afterwards.

"How the [heck] do they expect teams to succeed when you have a three week layoff," Wilson asked. "There's no reason we should be losing to that team at Hendrix. None whatsoever."

The team was so angry after the final whistle that they didn't even shake hands with Spaam's players or participate in the customary jersey exchange. The team immediately left the field, primarily out of concern for their own safety as the 78,290 supporters booed the team off the pitch. Six people were arrested for throwing things onto the field. They will have their ticket priviledges revoked for the next six years.

"That was a disgrace," midfielder and team captain Darwin Russell said. "The World Cup organisers can go to Hell.

SARZONIA 0 (NONE)
SPAAM 1 (Own goal, Russell 42nd).

Gabalfa Observer: 27th April 2005

Simply San-sational!

BETTIA 3 Abdul-Rahim 24 Harding 39,64
SAN VERDI 1 Abloke 38

Bettia kept up with the Group 5 leaders with a comfortable home win over San Verdi at a sodden National Stadium. The city of Gabalfa was hit by a torrential downpour just hours before kick-off, and the match was only able to go ahead thanks to the sterling efforts of the groundstaff. However the heavy ground prevented any kind of meaningful play on the ground and manager Ian Atkins, although able to name a first choice lineup, was forced into making tactical changes.

These changes were evident from the start, with Bettia relying on the long ball to move forward. The first half in particular was punctuated by long periods of head-tennis as both teams struggled to adapt to the conditions. Bettia dominated thanks to the towering presences of Coates and McKinnon, but they failed to make any chances on goal for the first twenty minutes.

The Aroras took the lead on twenty-four minutes with their first on-target effort, as leading goalscorer Stuart Abdul-Rahim rose to meet an inswinging Brooks corner, thumping his header past a despairing San Verdi goalkeeper.

Bettia looked to be cruising at this point, but San Verdi struck back with a goal that keeper Bettison would much rather forget. A long ball was hopefully pumped into the penalty area from wide on the right which Bettison look to have covered. Unfortunately the conditions played a cruel part, with the muddy ball slipping through Bettison's hand and into the path of a San Verdi striker who couldn't believe his luck as he sidefooted home from ten yards.

Bettia responded in the best way possible right from the restart. The ball was passed back to Connick who hoofed the ball high into the San Verdi half, where Harding rose to steal the ball off the head of a defender, turned and cheekily lobbed the San Verdi keeper from all of twenty-five yards to instantly restore the home team's advantage.

Now that one minute's excitement was over, the first half reverted back to its previous form, with Bettia relying on long high balls over the top of the San Verdi defence.

The ground staff were out in force during the halftime break, trying their best to clear the pitch of any standing water. Luckily for them, the rain had by now stopped, and although the playing surface was far from perfect, some degree of normal play was now possible.

This improvement in conditions suited Bettia down to the ground, as their quicker players such as Carew and Brown were now able to show their talents. The two combined to set up an attack on the right hand side after fifty-seven minutes, feeding Rosensteihl in the penalty area who turned and shot weakly, much to the relief of the San Verdi defence who were supposedly marking him.

It was Brown who helped to set up Bettia's third on sixty-four minutes, cutting in from the right wing and beating two defenders before finding Harding in the center of the box, who leapt up above his markers to claim his brace with a glancing header.

Stuart Abdul-Rahim could have easily increased their lead further still with two stinging efforts, but he was beaten by the post and desperate header off the line.

In the end, Bettia were happy to settle with three goals, as this victory means they close the gap slightly at the top by virtue of EL CIDs draw with Lykaia. On a slightly sour note, defender Musa Williams picked up his second yellow card of the qualifying campaign, and is therefore suspended for the trip to Lykaia.

When asked for his thoughts, a soggy Ian Atkins said, "Blimey its a wet out there isn't it? We're not mudlarks, and these conditions didn't suit us at all. We tried to adapt by changing our style slightly - it wasn't pretty but there wasn't much else we could do out there. Lets just hope the weather in Lykaia is better. Right, I'm off to sit next to a radiator for a while. ATCHOO!"

BETTIA 3-1 SAN VERDI

Bookings:
Williams (Bettia)
3 players (San Verdi)

Sendings Off:
None


ATTENDANCE: 52,998


TEAM
Formation: 5-3-2

1. Bettison
5. Williams
7. Carew
10. McKinnon (sub 4. Ryder 76 mins)
11. Bin Da'ud
12. Coates
13. Connick
15. Brown
18. Brooks
20. Abdul-Rahim
23. Harding (sub 21. Hutton, 71 mins)

Unused Substitutes:
2. DiTorino
4. Ryder
17. Whistler


Fixtures

MD1: ....Starblaydia 0-0 Bettia
MD2: .........Bettia 1-2 EL CID THE HERO
MD3: ......Beanestan 0-3 Bettia
MD4: .........Bettia 3-1 San Verdi
MD5: .........Lykaia vs. Bettia
MD6: .........Bettia vs. Starblaydia
MD7: EL CID THE HERO vs. Bettia
MD8: .........Bettia vs. Beanestan
MD9: ......San Verdi vs. Bettia
MD10: ........Bettia vs. Lykaia




Current Group 5 Table

.................W D L..F A..GD..Pts
Starblaydia......3 1 0..9 2..+7..10
EL CID THE HERO..3 1 0..6 2..+4..10
Bettia...........2 1 1..7 3..+4..7
Lykaia...........1 2 1..6 5..+1..5
San Verdi........0 1 3..6 11 -5..1
Beanestan........0 0 4..1 12 -11.0



Bettia Stats

Tournament Goalscorers
2: Abdul-Rahim, Harding
1: Rosensteihl, Ward, Whistler, Brown

Discipline
Red Cards: None

Yellow Cards:
2: Williams
1: Connick, Ryder, Pullman

Starblaydia prepare for EL CID
'n00bs threaten nukerler war - frustration obvious

There's something about going away from home and smashing someone you've never heard of four-nil, its perfect preparation for meeting the already-dead Cid.

All that preparation for this match certainly paid off, as Belizaire, Tumunzahar, Matranga and Buathiang cracked in some well-worked goals to thrash Beaneastan Four-Nil.

Darius Belizaire cracked in the first, which drew him level on 'International Goals Scored' with Starblaydi Coach Nikola "Laser" Lazerevski. Lazerevski's tally of fifteen senior goals for Starblaydia has, and presumably always will be, the benchmark by which all Starblaydi strikers are measured.

Belizaire's came as a result of some crisp passing-and-moving play, with players finding space and easily exploiting the inexperience of the Beaneastan team. Zhorin Tumunzahar got his from a cheeky free-kick, as Nick Matranga faked the direct shot and tapped it sideways to Tumunzahar, who flashed it past the wall and left the 'keeper unable to move, let alone attempt a save.

Matranga scored directly from the next free-kick from around twenty-three yards, finding the gap between heads in the leaping wall and then finding the back of the net. Surachai Buathiang got the fourth following a throw-in, Terrenson's long throw was as good as a corner, and Belizaire flicked it across the penalty area for Buathiang to meet at he back post with a crisp half-volley.

With all the goals from set-plays, it was obvious that the extra time Starblaydia have had to prepare for this match paid off. Let's all hope that the extra training will have ann as-great effect in the EL CID match, where Starblaydia can cement their position at the top of this group.

Related Player Records:
Senior Under-21
Name Caps Goals Caps Goals
Nikola Lazerevski 39 15* 0 0 (retired)
Darius Belizaire 30 15 16 15
Syku Lyku-Agbayani 27 15 11 4

* indicates a former Starblayi Record

LIONS LOSE AMIDST LIAMIST CONTROVERSY

Another patchy performance, again infront of the home crowd, continued to frustrate fans of the Nedalia Lions. After a heavy and tense build-up with the Liamist States, which went as far as nuclear threats, the two sides finally were pitted against each other, and much to the dismay of the Nedalians, it was the Liamist States who came up on top, 2 - 0. The match, however, was not without its controversy. After the match, outspoken and intense head coach Randy Gamman confronted referee Sam Superra, and after a few choice words, began to throw punches. He had to be held back by his own players, but it did not stop there. It carried on to the press conference after the game:

"Tell that bloody nation to go shove their nuclear missiles up their ass, and maybe we'll see as much shit as we did today on the field. You could be blind watching this match and you could tell the referee gifted them the *explicit* game. The side thing is, I'm the one with the most heart from these pack of players I've got and I'm not even allowed on the pitch."

The frustration felt by the manager has begun to boil over, with this latest defeat helping no one. The Lions have yet to get their act together, losing all their matches except against Abysmalistan, who were, well, abysmal. One thing is for sure, the Lions are now 5 points off of 2nd place and a chance to qualify to the WC 22, and if they dont start performing soon, that will just be a fantasy in the minds of Nedalians everywhere.

Cana City Press

Kodiaks Get Tripped In Trap Match

Chicanada 0 : 1 Rittarstan

CANA - Chicanada went into Rittarstan with a 3-0-0 record. They left looking at 3-0-1.

As speculated earlier in the week, Rittarstan was able to steal the momentum from Chicanada's two game winning streak and sneak away with a 1-0 victory in Rittarstan.

The loss drops the Kodiaks to one point behind Wella and Rittarstan for a possible qualifying spot and three points behind new group leader Audioslavia, who defeated Wella in a home match yesterday.

Up next for the Kodiaks is the team from Black Yellow, who scored a nice nill-all tie against The Belmore Family for their first point in the tournament. It might be a nice match for the Kodiaks to rebound with or it could be a disaster depending on which Kodiak team show up. The next day sees the second half swing with Wella being first on the list.

Chicanada Schedule
MD1: Wella (L 2-1)
MD2: The Belmore Family (W 2-1)
MD3: Audioslavia (W 1-0)
MD4: Rittarstan (L 1-0)
MD5: Black Yellow (away or @ Ital Memorial Grandstands, Jaxx)
MD6: Wella (away or at Easten National Arena, Eastentown)
MD7: The Belmore Family (away @ Bishop County Stadia, West Finnen)
MD8: Audioslavia (away or @ TroutCo Field, Cana)
MD9: Rittarstan (away or @ Narobi Stadia, Mogada)
MD10: Black Yellow (@ Ital Memorial Grandstands, Jaxx)

~ A strong MD4 victory ~


Vilita 2 Slaikau 1
Bestiville 1 Kylaai 2
Davistand 0 Gaian Ascendancy 3



Region 11 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Vilita 10 3 1 0 11:1 10
2. Kylaai 8 2 2 0 7:5 2
3. Gaian Ascendancy 6 1 3 0 5:2 3
4. Slaikau 4 1 1 2 5:4 1
5. Bestiville 3 1 0 3 2:9 -7
6. Davistand 1 0 1 3 1:10 -9


GANN Sports Desk: ~ The Seraphims finally get the momentum they've been seeking, as off of two goals from Ian Andersen (13, 48), and an extra by Richard Kreese (33), the Gaians destroyed Davistand today on their own field.

"Sorry, but we can't play for draws and expect to advance, we have a quota for ourselves to meet." Andersen quipped, his tone that of more agitation than triumph.

The Gaians controlled the midfield tempo all match long, and even was pressing very heavily into the Davistand backfield, as the Gaians refused to settle for another tie, and took that out on the new team.

"They're a good young team, we respect that. But so were we, and we can't keep playing lackadasical. We 'have' to keep winning." ..an equally unbemused Katya all but seethed to reporters. "I swore, if we had drawn today, we'd have drawn and quarted somebody."

Next comes Bestiville, and another chance to gain very badly needed ground, as even Vilita still lies within reach, thanks to the shocking draw on MD3, scoreless at that.

"If we can hold down thee good teams, and roll over Davistand and Bestiville, then we have a shot, but we need to beat one, if not more of those other three to still have a serious shot. If we can draw them, we can beat them too." Sean Masaki commented on the Seraphim's prospects.

Sliponia slips at home, Hockey Canada uses that to advantage.

Slipping and sliding did Sliponia no good as they slipped in the final minutes to the unslippable Hockey Canada 2-1 in Match Day 4. With Yanic Perrault scoring twice in 3 minutes late in the game, Sliponia didn't see it coming. Early in the first half, a Sliponia striker fired a hard, fast shot that got past a puzzled Kyle Thomas who thought took a bad bounce in front.

Halftime didn't help either as Sliponia kept firing shots at the young keeper. But Thomas stopped everything that cames his way. In the 86th minute, Yanic Perrault broke away and fired a bullet behind the Sliponian keeper to even the score. 3 minutes later, Perrault seemed to make a replay of that goal scoring the exact same way to get the lead. Sliponia didn't know what hit them... kind of like slipping.

The win put Hockey Canada in 4th on Group 1 point behind Hiiraan, 4 behind Nova Britannicus, and 6 behind TnUI.

Region 14 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Total n Utter Insanity 12 4 0 0 12:2 10
2. Nova Britannicus 10 3 1 0 7:2 5
3. Hiiraan 7 2 1 1 6:4 2
4. Hockey Canada 6 2 0 2 6:9 -3
5. Sliponia 0 0 0 4 3:10 -7
6. Lennon Marx 0 0 0 4 2:9 -7

Game Summary:

Shots for: 4
Shots Against: 22
Attendance: 29,222
Yellow Cards: 2
Red Cards: 0
Corners for: 3
Corners against: 7

Liamist States Press Release
Illario Forster, Media Dude

To: Nedalia FA

Told you so.

FREEZING OF TIME MAY ARRIVE EARLIER THAN FIRST THOUGHT

The freezing of time in Praying2God that was projected to occur sometime towards the end of WC XXII might be arriving earlier than expected by the experts. There have already been reports of time slowing in places and brief moments where time has stopped in other locations. Stay tuned for further details.


(OOC translation- RL has kept me from RPing as much as I want because I've been very busy)

*inside of the Rejistanian center where the teams stores Hexatux*

"Okay boss, I am inside of the center. I am looking at the map on my datapad and it looks like a far distance to go."

"You havn't lost the disc, have you?"

"What disc? ...oh yea, THAT disc. Yea, I got it still. How does it work though?"

"How many times do I have to tell you!! Put it in the disc drive and let it upload and install on its own. You just have to get there. Now remember, there are all kinds of enemies around you. Va'karela monks are in yellow hoods and cloaks and Giant Attack Tuxes are all around. They look like those slani Linux Tuxes, just their bigger and stronger. You are the only person we could send. Do not fail. Plus it should not be too hard with all the distraction with the Takil supporters at war with the Karelans."

"Don't worry, I will."

"You will what, fail, I said DON'T FAIL!!! We will not negotiate for you if you are captured. We will deny knowledge of you. FP1 out."

"Okay Alex, talk to you later."

'I guess it is up to me to bring the evil karela defense to its knees. This va'takil'ny will restore proper order, and because of the Rejistanian influence in the football world, everyone will attack again!'


-TFF, as his codename is registered under, begins his intrusion of the Rejistanian compound. His stealth camoflauge has him blended into the wall with little problems. While walking along, he comes across two va'karela monks. He stops to listen to the monks, but is stumped, as he does not understand Rejistanian. He does catch something in English though. One of the monks talks about the Hexatux, and how he feels that 5 Giant Attack Tuxes are not enough of a defense for it. The other monk states that its the fault of the Takil influence in Rejistania. If not for that, there wouldbe the normal amount of protection. Hearing that, TFF decides that a disguise should be in order. He pulls out his standard issue Takilulator, it is specifically designed to stun anyone under the influence of karela. Two quick shots and he dispatches the monks. He takes an extra stealth field out of his pack and puts it over the two monks, but not before taking the robe of one of them. To his suprise, there is an english>rejistania translator implanted in the hood. With this, he would be able to conversate with people around.

Suprisingly, TFF does not get stopped by other monks walking the halls. After 30 minutes of walking, he manages to find Hexatux Hall, and sure enough, there are 5 Giant Attack Tuxes around the server. It would not be easy, but he was not without options. Looking into his pack, he has two inflatable Giant Attack Fuxes, the Fmjphoenix version of the Tux, 3 electromagneticpulse gernades, his Takilulator, and a lightsabre, a new technological melee weapon being developed. He opted to pull out his GAFs and set them with the EMPs attached. But while inflating the GAF's, there was a large explosion outside of the center. There was a loud alarm klaxon with words shouting out from the loudspeakers. It translated automaticly for him to english. It was calling all monks and tuxes to the entrence to defend against oncoming Takil supporters.

'What luck' TFF thought, 'Now all I have to do is walk up and insert the disc. Yes!' Running as fast as he could, he got up to the Hexatux. 'Lets see, open football tactics... insert disc.. wow! This is going fast. There we go, upload and install completed. SUCESS!!'

Consul Marcus Davies looked up from his desk. His long day of work had been interrupted by a realization. He paged his secretary, Marcia, who entered the office. "Yes, sir?" she said.

Marcus gave Marcia a blank look. "Did you know that the World Cup Qualifying is going on?"

Marcia laughed. "Of course it has! Heck, Legalese is through the fifth match, and behind Svecia on only Goal Differential for the last spot in Group 1. Qualifying is halfway over, actually."

Marcus gave a snort of disgust. "Some job the local papers are doing on covering this one. Where can I find the scores?"

"Well, sir, the scores for Matchday 5 are right here." (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8767976&postcount=6)

"Well, sir, the scores for Matchday 5 are right here." (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8767976&postcount=6)

OOC: Group 2, for correct tables please look here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8768053&postcount=7).

Gabalfa Observer: 28th April 2005

Do I Not Lyk That

LYKAIA 3 Abloke 17, 78 Thingy 46
BETTIA 0

Bettia hopes of qualifying for the World Cup finals took a massive blow thanks to a disappointing display against Lykaia.

Bettia were forced to reshuffle their line due to Musa Williams' suspension after he picked up his second yellow card of the campaign, with Michael Ryder drafted in to replace him in the centre of defence. The other changes were Omar Whistler brought in to replace Aaron Brown on the right side of midfield, and Chris Hutton replacing John Harding up front.

Bettia seemed to be half asleep at times, and it was the hosts who started the brighter of the two teams, testing Amir Bettison on numerous occasions. It was no suprise when, on seventeen minutes, they took the lead courtesy of some smart footwork inside the Bettia penalty area by their leading striker, who received the ball with his back to goal, sidestepped Ryder, turned and shot the ball under a diving Bettison.

Bettia tried to get back into the game, with Abdul-Rahim going close with a long-range effort and Brooks forcing a good save from the home keeper. Disaster was to strike for Bettia as the game edged towards half-time. Lykaia's leading striker was put through on goal by a carefully threaded through ball. Amir bettison was quickly out to smother the ball, but the striker slid in and connected with the Bettian goalie instead of the ball. Bettison was replaced by Ricardo DiTorino, and had to be helped off the pitch with suspected broken ribs which could keep him out of the squad for some time.

Bettia fell further behind shortly into the second half. The defence were caught napping as the Lykaian left-winger sped towards the penalty area only to be tripped just outside by Michael Ryder, earning the home team a free-kick in a dangerous position, and the Bettian defender a yellow card and a one-match suspension. In a move straight off the training ground, the ball was chipped over the five-man wall to find a striker darting in from the right who slammed the ball into the Bettian net.

As the second half wore on, the Aroras were starting to look bereft of ideas, and Ian Atkins decided to chnage his formation to a more attacking 4-3-3, bringing on Brown for McKinnon and York for Abdul-Rahim. The away side did start to look more positive, with Brown and York combining well, and Bin Da'ud causing some problems with his long throws. However, the home team looked content to simply soak up the pressure and hit Bettia on the counter-attack, which they did to devastating effect twelve minutes from the end. A long ball from defence sprang the Bettian offside trap, and the Lykaian forward made no mistake sidestepping DiTorino and running the ball into an empty goal.

The final whistle couldn't come soon enough and Bettia must buck up their ideas if they want to stand any chance of qualifying, as they next host the Group leaders Starblaydia before travelling to EL CID THE HERO.


LYKAIA 3-0 BETTIA

Bookings:
Abloke (Lykaia)
Ryder (Bettia)

Sendings Off:
None


ATTENDANCE: 41,746


TEAM
Formation: 5-3-2

1. Bettison (sub 2. DiTorino 37 mins)
4. Ryder
7. Carew
10. McKinnon (sub 15. Brown, 68 mins)
11. Bin Da'ud
12. Coates
13. Connick
17. Whistler
18. Brooks
20. Abdul-Rahim (sub 25. York, 68 mins)
21. Hutton

Unused Substitutes:
6. Morgan
9. Rahl


Fixtures

MD1: ....Starblaydia 0-0 Bettia
MD2: .........Bettia 1-2 EL CID THE HERO
MD3: ......Beanestan 0-3 Bettia
MD4: .........Bettia 3-1 San Verdi
MD5: .........Lykaia 3-0 Bettia
MD6: .........Bettia vs. Starblaydia
MD7: EL CID THE HERO vs. Bettia
MD8: .........Bettia vs. Beanestan
MD9: ......San Verdi vs. Bettia
MD10: ........Bettia vs. Lykaia




Current Group 5 Table

.................W D L..F..A..GD..Pts
Starblaydia......4 1 0..12 3..+9..13
EL CID THE HERO..3 1 1..8..6..+2..10
Lykaia...........2 2 1..9..5..+4..8
Bettia...........2 1 2..7..6..+1..7
San Verdi........0 2 3..8..13 -5..2
Beanestan........0 1 4..3..14 -11.1



Bettia Stats

Tournament Goalscorers
2: Abdul-Rahim, Harding
1: Rosensteihl, Ward, Whistler, Brown

Discipline
Red Cards: None

Yellow Cards:
2: Williams, Ryder
1: Connick, Pullman

Graceville, Bedistan / Jhanna, Starblaydia:

Dave: "Hey there Nikola! Good news about the Druidans - they're falling for our plan, hook, line and sinker!"

Nikola Lazerevski: "Excellent, Dave! Now remember, Lord Van Honjiik doesn't know I'm doing this, so if we start getting some freaky results, we're not to let on what's happenning, OK?"

Dave: "OK."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Somewhere in Druid Tribune:

Druidan #1: "What's that?"

Druidan #2: "What's what?"

Druidan #1: "That. Up there! In the sky?"

Druidan #2: "That's called a star."

Druidan #1: "But it wasn't there before."

Druidan #2: "How do you know?"

Druidan #1: "I'm an astrologist."

Druidan #2: "No you're not. You're a shop assistant."

Druidan #1: "Look, for the sake of the RP, I'm an astrologist, OK?"

Druidan #2: "But I know you're not!"

Druidan #1: "Well, just pretend I do a bit in my spare time."

Druidan #2: "Oh. Do you?"

Druidan #1: "Actually, I do from time to time."

Druidan #2: "Oh. Well, I'll go along with it then."

Druidan #1: "Right."

Druidan #2: "So... do you know what it is then?"

Druidan #1: "I just asked you that."

Druidan #2: "You did?"

Druidan #1: "Uhuh."

Druidan #2: "Oh."

15 Straight Qualifying Matches Unbeaten!
Captain Azanulbizarn Reaches 50 Caps

Though not as impressive as some nations' best all-time Qualifying runs, Starblaydia's 15-match streak marks a great acheivement when Starblaydi football is looking for a boost.

After the dismal performance in the World Cup 21 Finals, Starblaydia actually slipped eight places in the world rankings. Never before had they gone down in the eyes of the world. Not that we were expecting a one-way ticket to #1 in the world and the World Championship, but this event marked a speedbump in Starblaydia's road to glory.

At a time when everything seemed to be falling around their ears, Starblaydia have put together a fifteen-match unbeaten streak stretching back to the 5-0 victory over Rittarstan some four years ago. During that time Starblaydia have played 15 qualifying games, won 11 and drawn 4. They've seen off Melmond, EL CID, Nonesuch Street and Hiiraan. 40 goals scored, ten goals conceeded.

Not only is - what may prove to be - one of the best strike forces in Starblaydi History firing on all cylinders at the moment, but the defence has slowly morphed from the rigid flat-backed-four into a fluid, tough, skillful collection of defensive gods.

Nikola "Laser" Lazerevski was asked for a comment on this incredible run, but was unavailable for comment, apparently he was on the telephone to someone.

The following happened between 7:45pm and 9:30pm

*tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock*

EL CID lost 3-1! Thanh Madray scored and Darius Belizaire got two! Ha! Starblaydia top Group 5 at the halfway stage!

"Good afternoon, and welcome back to BBC Sport, where I think we can say we're all looking forward to this next game against the Starblaydis. Joining me in the studio is our usual collection of the dregs of society. In a few minutes time we'll be bringing you highlights and analysis of our frankly pathetic display against a scandanavian furniture store..."

"Pssst... Lykaia is a country, not a scandanavian furniture store."

"... but first I'd like to introduce you to Professor Hemluk from Grappenhall University. Now Professor, you've brought in a rather interesting gizmo to show us, haven't you?"

"That's right, this specialist computer can actually predict future scoreline from any sporting event, simply by taking into account every conceivable variable. I call it the Predictive Result Interface via the Computer Keyboard, or PRI..."

"Wow, thats really interesting."

"Yes it is. As you can see, I have inputted all the data required for this next game - team form, formations, tactics, weather, wind direction, pitch conditions, how loud the fans are singing, how many pigeons are sitting on the stadium roof, and so on. Just by pressing this button, we shall soon have an accurate analysis. And here we are."

"What does it say."

"Lets see... oh dear, Starblaydia will win by... an innings and 47 runs?!? Oh you **bleep**ing stupid pile of stinking **bleep**. This is football, not **bleep**ing cricket! You're always **bleep**ing things up for me, and live on **bleep**ing air too. Oh, I'm gonna kick the **bleep** out of you, you two-bit **bleep**ing pile of bolts. You **bleep**ing **bleep**hole! **bleep**! **bleep**! **bleep**! I'm going home"

"Well, um, thank you Professor Hemluk. We'll be back after this short break... are we off air? Phew! Blimey, that was, well, amazing wasn't it?"

"What, it's amazing that a distinguished Grappenhall professor could be so foul-mouthed?"

"No, it's amazing that we were able to bleep out every one of his swear words live on air."

Jeruselem Government News

Turori stop Jeruselem's winning run, the Irish strike back

Today, it was Jeruselem vs Turori in the World Cup XXII. Both teams were undefeated, but one had prevail. Sadly we lost and Turori showed why they are ranked above us. In a tight game with few mistakes and lots of brillance, Turori won 2-0 to claim the top spot held previously by Jeruselem. The defeat was far from embarassing as the Turori keeper just had one of those simply brilliant days.

The bad news is the captain Joseph Becks had to leave field for a suspected twisted knee, so we'll be keeping tabs in his progress for further news.

Praying2God took on the people with fimbles of mass destruction, but all that happened was 2 ALL draw. Praying2God should have really beaten the fimble lovers but they showed fight and to take two points away from P2G.

Bryn Shander moved to 3rd in Group 13 with rather lucky 1-0 win over Sacred Evil whose evil sponsor seems to have given up on them. However, the win pushed them above P2G so they are fighting on until the end.

Jeruselem 0 Turori 2
Praying2God 2 Fimble loving peoples 2
Bryn Shander 1 Sacred Evil 0


Group 13 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Turori 13 4 1 0 9:2 7
2. Jeruselem 12 4 0 1 14:6 8
3. Bryn Shander 6 2 0 3 5:8 -3
4. Praying2God 5 1 2 2 8:7 1
5. Fimble loving peoples 5 1 2 2 6:9 -3
6. Sacred Evil 1 0 1 4 1:11 -10

oooh Ah!


1. Tadjikistan 15 5 0 0 10:2 8
2. Bedistan 10 3 1 1 14:4 10
3. Giant Zucchini 10 3 1 1 13:6 7
4. Moleland 2 0 2 3 3:9 -6
5. Kazakhstania 2 0 2 3 2:9 -7
6. Gregenburg 2 0 2 3 3:15 -12


Is the 'Tadjik Empire' back in bussiness? Right now we'd say yes. The Tadjik Tigers won their fifth match in a row and are leading group 3 with fifteen points. Thats five more than Bedistan and Giant Zucchini, respectivly second and third. this time it was Bedistan that got beaten by a good Tadjik team that kept their nets clean while Zarakovsky scored the only goal of the game.

There may have been monkey's, pigs and bulls as well as a skunk on the field but one thing is certain; Tadjikistan did not use any frogs -And still denies it ever did ed-.

Now lets cross our fingers for the second round and hope the Tadjiks can continue their strong performance. We are looking forward to the next match in Gregenburg.

'Hard to figure' Stars stop Druida

Coming off an ugly 1-0 loss to Spaam at Hendrix Stadium, the Sarzonian national team would have surprised no one by losing away to a red hot Druida that had gone the first four matches of World Cup XXII qualifying without conceding a goal and won all of them.

However, the Stars played as well against Druida as they have played in a World Cup qualifying match and made a 19th minute goal by defender Trevor Crenshaw stand up en route to a 1-0 win that moved the Stars into second place in the group on goal differential.

"This was a great turnaround for us," Coach Dave Wilson said. "Druida is an excellent team and with players from [now defunct former country] NEWI Cefn Druids available to them, they're a much tougher side than what we faced previously. This was an outstanding win for our side."

Druida (4-0-1, 12 points) started out looking like they would take the initiative away from Sarzonia in the early going, but goalkeeper Horace Sandt was equal to the task, turning aside two point blank bids and punching a dangerous corner out toward Crenshaw. The Sarzonian defender usually just sent a long ball into space to allow his defence to regroup, but this time sent a short ball toward midfielder Bobby Convey and joined the attack.

Six minutes later, Crenshaw found a hole in the Druidan marking scheme and sneaked through to bury a one time header past the goalkeeper for the goal. From there, the Stars began to apply pressure and just missed out on making it 2-0 in the 25th minute when midfielder Darwin Russell's bicycle kick went wide. The Stars eventually outshot Druida 16-13, but Sandt made two more saves (five) than the Druidan goalkeeper.

The Stars (3-1-1, 10 points) face Spirit Nation in a rematch of the opener that saw the Stars play to a goalless draw at the Iron Bowl in Portland. Dave Wilson said the team would be ready for Spirit Nation this time, that is, if the World Cup itself is ready.

"If there aren't any more hitches, we expect to play a much different game than we did against these guys," he said. "I'm expecting us to play better from here on out."

Group 12: check the scores thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=8769403#post8769403) again, if you did so before 11:25 AM EST

The Hexatux changes side, but Siki Rej replies with a recompile, worse are the va'takil vs va'karela fights in the stadia and in the streets. The va'takil are imported from Fmjphoenix. The matches in Rejistania are without anz tactic and concept due to this influences. The blue-hooded monks of Takil and the yellow hooded monks of Karela won't give up...

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

LIGHTNING FALL ON THE ROAD
Late goal to Krytenia gives away tough match

An 86th minute winner gave Krytenia the three points at home against a dogged Svecian team in what was a hard fought match on both sides.

Svecia opened the scoring in the 14th minute with a glancing header from Fabian Mertesacker off of Tomas Kristiansand´s free kick.

Krytenia answered 10 minutes later on a well placed through ball, and added a second to take the lead in the 58th minute.

Svecia tied the game up in the 70th minute on a penalty from Joël Simão before giving up the last goal.

Cana City Press

National Team Rebounds Nicely, Preps For Rematch

Chicanada 0 : 1 Rittarstan

CANA - After a 1-0 loss to lowly Rittarstan, the Kodiaks were looking for some inspiration against the young squad from Black Yellow. They got that in spades as the Kodiaks thrashed the team 4-0 in Jaxx today.

The win, which was lead by a hattrick from Chinglin Erish, pushes the Kodiaks back into third place at the midway point - a place they are fairly familiar with as last World Cup they were in 3rd and was creeping into the playoffs. That ended up not being the case, crashing out in 5th place from their group. Coach Jesnui Viladetta said after the game the team was not ready for a second consecutive crash by the team and hopes that getting some tough matches at home helps in advancing the Kodiaks.

Chicanada opens the second half of qualifying with Wella, who beat the Kodiaks 2-1 there last week. It will be interesting to see if the Kodiaks play more like the team that shocked TBF in Bishop County and Audioslavia in Audioslavia or if the team who struggled against Rittarstan shows up.

Chicanada Schedule
MD1: Wella (L 2-1)
MD2: The Belmore Family (W 2-1)
MD3: Audioslavia (W 1-0)
MD4: Rittarstan (L 1-0)
MD5: Black Yellow (W 4-0)
MD6: Wella (Easten National Arena, Eastentown)
MD7: The Belmore Family (away)
MD8: Audioslavia (TroutCo Field, Cana)
MD9: Rittarstan (Narobi Stadia, Mogada)
MD10: Black Yellow (away)

Crystils get the day off

The Crystilakere Crystils got the day off today and coach Hazem Emam rewarded the players by giving them the entire day off to spend at their leisure. Crystilakere is one of just three teams with a perfect winning record after five matchdays of competition. The Crystils had their toughest match yet on matchday four when they faced Haperd, but Crystilakere escaped with a 2-1 win at home. The crystils defense has been very good so far giving up just 2 goals, while the offense has scored nine in the opening four matches. On matchday five, coach Emam spent the day watching the matches of the Crystils top competitors in group two. First up was the match between Haperd and Piquantrax. The crystils were rooting for Piquantrax to keep the greatest distance possible between themselves and third place, which would be the first team not to qualify. Haperd got the win 2-1 which left Piquantrax on zero points and probably out for good. Raptor Claw defeated Oglethorpia to stay 3 points behind the Crystils in the standings, but still have to be aware of Haperd who are in 3rd 4 points behind them. Haperd trails Crystilakere by 7 points which means another pair of wins could see Crystilakere back into the finals.

Late goal by Nolan saves draw as Vikings defeat Euroslavia

With the match come close to the end, Mike Nolan demanded the ball, and then produced. With only 5 minutes remaining, he recieved a pass from Shelly Berry and went through 5 players to get to the box and scored the lone goal in the match, and Powell Lamar had a brilliant save in time stoppage to preserve the 1-0 victory over Euroslavia.

The match was not a very exciting match, as the Vikings looked downtrodden after losing an important match against Dance 2 Revolution 2-0. For the first half, there was no pep in their offense. Nolan, Mendel, Berry or Daniels could not get anything going. The only person with any focus was Powell Lamar, as he had 4 saves in the first half alone, the best when he had a diving kick to save a shot and turn it into a corner. Even when Jorge Mendel recieved a penelty shot off of an Euroslavian yellow card, he could not get the shot to go in, as it was wide left by two feet.

The second half started just as bad for Fmjphoenix, Euroslavia came up and pressed hard. Bobby Bash earned his first yellow cardof this world cup when he slide into a forward hard. That forward ended up being substituted for another player after a penelty shot. The Vikings caught a break though, as Euroslavia had put a goal into the net, but it was not counted as there were two red cards handed out when Tra Miranda and a Euroslavian midfielder started fighting on the pitch. Tra was re-replaced by Aaron Chapman in the field. That was at the point where it seemed that Nolan came out of his daze. After a clearence by Lamar, the Vikings started another attack, but instead of passing around, Nolan called out to Berry to give him the ball, and then it was over. Nolan went around and even through one defender on his way into the box, and fired a shot that went right past the goalkeeper. Viking Stadium erupted into cheers. Euroslavia came back fierce, but Lamar was fiercer, and made a great save that went to the feet of Bobby Bash and the Vikings just held out.

With the victory, Fmjphoenix has moved back into a tie for second place with Eauz. They have 10 points with 8 goals scored for with 6 conceeded. Now the Vikings turn to the next half with the second leg at The Weegies.

Fmjphoenix: 1 - Euroslavia: 0
Nolan 85 - None


Fmjphoenix World Cup XXII Schedule:
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs The Weegies - Win 2-1
MD02: Anarquistan vs Fmjphoenix - Win 3-1
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Eauz - Draw 2-2
MD04: Dance 2 Revolution vs Fmjphoenix - Lose 0-2
MD05: Fmjphoenix vs Euroslavia - Win 1-0
MD06: The Weegies vs Fmjphoenix -
MD07: Fmjphoenix vs Anarquistan -
MD08: Eauz vs Fmjphoenix -
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Dance 2 Revolution -
MD10: Euroslavia vs Fmjphoenix -
Record: 3-1-1

Vikings Goalscoreres:
Nolan - 4
Berry - 1
Daniels - 2
Mendel - 1

15 Straight Qualifying Matches Unbeaten!
Captain Azanulbizarn Reaches 50 Caps

Though not as impressive as some nations' best all-time Qualifying runs, Starblaydia's 15-match streak marks a great acheivement when Starblaydi football is looking for a boost.

After the dismal performance in the World Cup 21 Finals...

14 Straight Qualifying Matches Unbeaten!
Starblaydia just have to go one better, don't they?

Though not as impressive as some nations' best all-time Qualifying runs, Nova Britannicus' 14-match streak marks a great acheivement, perhaps the pinnacle of the Nova Britannicus Football Associations efforts so far.

After the dismal performance in the World Cup 21 Finals...

There was a full story to go with this too, but you don't want to hear it, I'm sure.

~ More momentum ~


Group 11
Kylaai 1 Vilita 3
Slaikau 4 Davistand 0
Gaian Ascendancy 3 Bestiville 1



Group 11 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Vilita 13 4 1 0 14:2 12
2. Gaian Ascendancy 9 2 3 0 8:3 5
3. Kylaai 8 2 2 1 8:8 0
4. Slaikau 7 2 1 2 9:4 5
5. Bestiville 3 1 0 4 3:12 -9
6. Davistand 1 0 1 4 1:14 -13


GANN Sports Desk: ~ "We're exactly where we expected to be, and probably in a better position than predicted. But now we're finally halfway though qualifiers, and we have to keep building on that for the next round.

We 'must' keep pushing ourselves." A somewhat pleased Coach kerensky commented. This after a 3 - 1 victory over Bestiville put the Seraphims squarely in second place, and with Slaikau wating at the bend turn.

Pryde Tamara got credit for the first goal at the 17th minute off a shot from Andersen that bounced off the Bestiville keeper, and right at Tamara for the clincher.

Bestiville put an equalizer away at the 29th minute off a strong kick that Keeper Howe couldn't stop. But that ended the Bestville scoring as the Seraphims tightened their backfield.

This lasted until the 66th minute when Andersen broke away from the Bestville defense and caught their keeper alone, and struck home the 2-1 strike. Worse, came the 68th minute folliow up by Richard Kreese, with the same breakaway, and the same result at the opposite end of the pitch.

By then the Seraphims simply refused Bestville to get past thier end of the field, and played hard to keep things that way. "See, Midders can score too." Tamara commented after the match. "..and now we have the momentum we need to face down the next three big matches too."

Indeed; Slaikau, Kylaai and Vilita wait in the wings for MD6 to MD8. "If we can take down at least one, and hold the other two, we should be able to advance. As it is, we still need to keep pushing our momentum. We did blow it last time at this stage, letting the teams ahead of us get the better of us. This time we know better and can play them just as well." Coach Kerensky commented on their coming matches and prospects.

"At best, we can beat two, and hold Vilita to another draw, at worst, well. We're not there yet.

..and we can play for the better result still."

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png
football

Lions and tigers and a loss...oh my

DUSHANBE, Tadjikistan -- Has the Bedistani national football team already run out of steam in World Cup 22 qualifying? After opening the tournament with a bang with easy 3-0, 6-0, and 3-0 wins over Kazakhstania, Gregenburg, and Moleland respectively, the Lions managed only a 2-2 draw back home in Sonoma City against Giant Zucchini, and they failed to take any points home from their trip to Tadjikistan.

As the Karela-Takil war continues in Rejistania, both sides are apparently trying to get support from abroad. And everyone noticed the yellow-hooded monks surrounding the stadium in Dushanbe at the start of the match. Neither team did very much attacking at all during the match, and it ultimately ended in the realization of the Karelan dream for Tadjikistan: a 1-0 win. Zarakovsky was the one that would sneak past the Lions' defense for what would turn out to be the winning goal in the 57th minute.

However, the Bedistan Football Association is reportedly not happy at all with the match. Well, yes, obviously they're unhappy with the loss, but they're also unhappy with the circumstances of the match itself. Among the Tadjik substitutes bench were two monkeys, three pigs, a skunk, and a bull. What those animals were doing anywhere near a football pitch is the question BFA officials would like answered. A call to the Dushanbe zoo regarding tenant breakouts produced no results.

"This is absolutely farcical," complained BFA president Sam Bacon. "There was absolutely no reason for those animals to be there, and the officiating crew should have removed them prior to the start of the match. Their presence caught the Bedistani team off guard and prevented them from playing at their fullest potential, leading to the loss. Especially that damned frog."

The Tadjik press have denied that a frog was present at the match, but there are apparently several eyewitness accounts from Bedistani fans that the frog was indeed present. There is a similar controversy surrounding Tadjikistan's match against Giant Zucchini, so this is not an isolated incident. Whether the BFA will appeal to the World Cup Committee is as yet unknown.

finalscore
Tadjikistan 1 (Zarakovsky 57)
Bedistan 0

currentstandings
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Tadjikistan 5 5 0 0 10 2 +8 15
Bedistan 5 3 1 1 14 4 +10 10
Giant Zucchini 5 3 1 1 13 6 +7 10
Moleland 5 0 2 3 3 9 -6 2
Kazakhstania 5 0 2 3 2 9 -7 2
Gregenburg 5 0 2 3 3 15 -12 2

Group 3 has divided into three distinct subgroups. Tadjikistan is so far conquering all with a perfect 5-0-0 record at the halfway point. In the second tier, Bedistan and Giant Zucchini are five points back, separated from each other only by three units of goal difference. This will be the primary competition for the remainder of qualifying, especially since second place gets a spot in the World Cup and third place doesn't. Moleland, Kazakhstania, and Gregenburg have somehow found a way to all have the same 0-2-3 record at the halfway mark, and it is highly unlikely that any of them will be able to gain access to the top three. Indeed, Tadjikistan needs just one more win to ensure a finish in the top half of the table, and there are still five matches to go.

nextmatch
We now travel away to Kazakhstania, where anything less than three points will be indisputably unacceptable. The big matches to watch should be the final two: away in Giant Zucchini and at home in Fillmore National Stadium against the Tigers of Tadjikistan.

thsd:NEWS

Lightning Struck Thrice

KRYTENIA can almost taste the qualifying place. The Caleys carried on their astonishing 100% record with a stunning three-two win over the Lightning of Svecia, adding to their four-nil demolition of Umphart. The national side are now an astonishing seven points clear of the second-placed Svecikans and third place Legalese.

Next up is the return match against Oliverry. The Caleys won this game two-nil at home earlier in the campaign, and if other results go their way could extend their lead at the top of Group One to as many as ten points. Can the Caleys become the first team to qualify? We'll have to wait for FLI's visit to Avidia to find out, but everyone cross their fingers.

Tickets to the Oliverry game are still available, and flights can be booked through newly-imported travel agents, Therewegoes of Melmond.

Umphart - 0
Krytenia - 4

Krytenia - 3
Svecia - 2

Vikings keep close through first half of qualification

With the first half down, Fmjphoenix prepares for the second half in an attempt to qualify for the next round for the second time in a row. So far, they have been able to produce against the teams ranked lower, but they have been having a harder time against the top two teams. For teams ranked lower than them, the Vikings are 3-0-0 with 6 goals for and 2 conceded. For the two above them, Fmjphoenix has struggled more with a 0-1-1 with 2 goals for with 4 conceded. In order for the Vikings to take over second place or maybe even first, they will need to keep steady against the teams they have already beaten, but they will need to perfrom better against D2R and Eauz. The Vikings will be heading out to The Weegies. They will be looking to build on their 2-1 victory over The Weegies from matchday 1, but will have to go back to their scoring ways to defeat them.

"In World Cup XXI, we were one of the top scoring team of the tournament. This time around, we are not scoring as much. We need to start pressing harder and counter-attacking more so we can have more shot opportunities. I think if we do that, we can win this group." Said Jorge Mendel

Sarcodinan Today
Reprinted with Permission

The Sarcodina began their 2nd World Cup appearance with a shutout, yet unfortunately the shutout went both ways.
"We had them where we wanted them," Coach Dennis Green said to reporters Tuesday, "A few breaks our way, we could have made an entrance that'd a made Sarcodina, the fans, proud."
As well as the tie to Sonaron (1-2-2*, 3rd in Group 15*), Sarcodina lost to Five Civilized Nations (3-1-1*, 2nd with record tie in Group 15*) 3-0.
Defender Chuck Grassley was frank in a press conference Wednesday.
"We came to play on the world stage, to play with the best," Grassley said, "We did not come to get womped by the team who tied with Lethislavania and lost to a country named after a street named after a shlager's dinner bill..."
Midfielder Frank Thomas stated that the team upcoming next match (scheduled to Lethislavania) was not going to be the same Sarcodina as the previous two matches.
"We're moving, shifting, doing what needs to be done," Thomas said, "...We need a victory, we will attain it."
Coach Green, in an exclusive interview Thursday morning, discussed a new 5-5-1 plan with the Today.
The plan draws on 5 defenders, 5 forwards along with McConnell at goalkeeper.
"It'll be more aggressive, more flexible," Green said, "We want to push quick, yet not get burned like with Five Civilized Nations."
Continuing, "I'm not one to speak up the team's chances down 0-1-1, yet it'll be my final coaching day if we get shutout again."

FROM WORLD CUP 22:Randall Nylon Jr., Sarcodina Today



*Due to Sarcodina's early scheduling problem, group 15's record and rankings are not finalized.

and the envelope, please...

Matchday 6 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8775261&postcount=10) are up

Vikings suffer loss on road, look towards home match for turnaround

In what was not a very interesting match in a nearly empty field, a bland match occured. It looked more like 22 guys on a field sitting down drinking tea and watching a movie for 85 minutes, and 5 minutes of football. All the action came in the final minutes when everyone on the pitch realized they were supposed to be playing a qualification match. Powell Lamar was too slow to put his cup down and run back to the net to defend the shot taken by The Weegies, and the Vikings lost 1-0. Further unfortuned news was told. Both Eauz and Dance 2 Revolution defeated their opponents by the score of 2-0 and remained ahead of Fmjphoenix in the two qualifying spots. Fmjphoenix desperately needed to walk away with points from this match and came up empty. Now they must look to the match at home against Anarquistan to turn around a very disapointing qualification run.

TNFF Pressconference with Mikhael Frunze

reporter: Mister Frunze, what can you say about the allegations of the BFA regarding the use of animals on Matchady 5

Frunze: Lies offcourse, They just can have it that we are better than them and make up all kinds of lies to cover their failures.

reporter: But there were several Bedistani supporters who said they had seen a frog present on our bench.

Frunze: That is a lie, we used no frogs this time... I mean, we never ever used frogs. They must have seen the promotion team and believed their mascotte was a real frog. We Tadjiks are simply good in what we do and obviously they can have that.

reporter: What about the two monkey's, three pigs, the skunk and the bull?

Frunze: Well isnt that obvious? The skunk, thats the referee. Did you see how everyone tried to stay out of his neighbourhood? Thats because he stinks! The bull, well that was Zarakovsky, the way he rushed through their defense must have made them to believe he is a bull, Probably because they are monkey's and dont know the difference between a man and an animal. So you see, they used animals on their team, not us.

reporter: And what about the pigs?

Frunze: Oh eh, some players played really dirty and were full of mud. Again, the monkey's saw things that werent there.

reporter: And what id the TNFF going to do if the BFA appeals to the World Cup comittee?

Frunze: we'll sue them for slander and defamation. We will prove that they are the ones who used animals, not us.

After the pressconference mister Frunze was called to the office of Prime minister Ogilov, where there was a short meeting between the PM, Frunze and president Rahmonov. A short meeting as it took only fifteen minutes. Mister Rahmonov then left the office again, refused to comment on what was going on. Insiders however say Frunze was ordered to apologize for the insults towards the referee and the BFA.

Street Make It Six Unbeaten
Starblaydi-Length Streak Being Built

Cockbill Street continued on their march towards Liverpool England, Vilita and Legalese (due to revolutions in South Osettia, the Vilita and Legalese governments have agreed to take over hosting duties), with a draw in Lethislavania a week ago and now another important victory over Aust.

The match against Lethislavania was every bit as tough as expected, despite a record low crowd of 24,000 as football apathy in Lethislavania has reached new heights. The Lethislavanian team, however, was spurred on by poor results and a desperate need to win games - after three successive draws, they had seriously reduced their own chances of qualifying.

The Streetians, however, wanted a win just as much - and thus the match became a midfield battle between two almost equal opponents. Tackling was rife, and in total, six yellow cards were given out - Sarah Cawdron got her second of the qualifying series and had to skip the match with Aust. However, she still worked like a horse afterwards, and she set up a magnificent goal as she dribbled past three Lethislavanian defenders before crossing in to Olivine, who headed the ball into the net with relative ease. Lethislavania recovered, however, and peppered Qurat with shots in the second half - one of them had to go in, with five minutes to spare, and the Streetians settled with one point. Despite losing their first two points of the qualifying, they were still confident travelling to Aust, and with good reason.

In Aust, the team was absolutely dominant from start to finish. Ninety minutes of one-way traffic ended in a comfortable 2-0 scoreline, Rhianna Peters and substitute Peter Nourse making the goals for the Street. With the Civilized Nations giving up two points in a match in Sonaron, Cockbill Street opened up a two-point gap at the top of the table, and with matches against Sonaron and Sarcodina left, Cockbill Street are looking extremely well positioned for another hack at the World Cup Finals.

LETHISLAVANIA 1 (??? 85)
COCKBILL STREET 1 (Cawdron 66)

AUST 0
COCKBILL STREET 2 (Peters 18, Nourse 71)

Dave: "So you must be Alex and Todd, then. Welcome to the Elastic Edwards summer school."

Alex's father: "So... is Elastic here yet?"

Dave: "Unfortunately not yet. Must be stuck on the train or something."

Todd's mother: "Well what about the other kids? Where are they?"

Dave: "They'll probably all be getting used to their rooms... d'you want to go and find yours?"

Alex's father: "Er, OK..."

The boys and their parents walk away.

Todd's mother: "Did you think there was something suspicious abut that guy?"

Alex's father: "No, he 's just Nova Britannican. I think they're all like that."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Later...

Alex's father: "So they'll all be alright, then."

Dave: "They'll be fine!"

Alex's father: "Only I haven't seen anyone else in the whole of the building."

Dave: "Well... a few of the kids did go on a coach to the training fields around the corner just a matter of minutes before you arrived. It should be comin' back any minute."

*As Dave says this, a dodgy clapped out minibus pulls up.*

Dave: "See."

Alex's father: "OK, fair enough. We'll see you at the end of the week then."

Dave: "OK, see you now!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Minutes later...

Dave: "Nikola, they're here!"

Nikola: "Fantastic. So all you gotta do is bring them back here."

Dave: "As good as done!... wait, I got a call on the opther line, hang on... Hello?"

Unnamed helper: "That you Dave?"

Dave: "Certainly is!"

Unnamed helper: "They there yet?"

Dave: "Er... no, not yet."

Unnamed helper: "Well make sure you let us know when they get there, OK?"

Dave: "OK. Bye."

*Unnamed helper hangs up.*

Dave: "Sorry 'bout that."

Nikola: "who was it?"

Dave: "Damn Druidans. But don't worry, I gave them the slip."

Nikola: "Good, good."

Triple Matchday Update!
Two Wins, One Loss
Sir Peter d’Gradburg, Ye Olde Printing Presse

Vs Nedalia: 2-0
Verily, pre-game tensions doth spill over into thy game as players from both sides engaged in battle against thy fiery opponents. Thy Marmadukes fortifications against goal impregnation, proved impregnable, marry, not conceding a goal against a fairly pissweak Lions attack. Mi Rainford Jr forespoke postmatch: “I’ve seen six year old shoot faster, higher, more powerfully than. That was just embarrassing.” Shots on goal and, prithee, actual goals were forthcoming for thee heroic squad. Captain and, thus far, quiet player, Rod Manoni slottedeth home his first goal for the tournament in a long-range trebuchet blast at goals. After a lengthy build-up from the midfield, verily, a simple tap through gave Hal Bell his goal in, prithee, the second half, running off thee passeth ball and punching the ball into thy, marry, goals. Two goals up is where the Marmadukes finished and took home thee three points.

Vs Abysmalistan: 3-0
Three goals, three points and a good seat for thee Marmadukes on thy standings, heading into the second half of qualifying. Goals came from:
1. Prithee: Christian Dressel (29): Headed thee ball into thy goals following eaks corner.
2. Verily: Armand Iziary (45): Stoppage time strike that rebounded in off thee top crossbar.
3. Marry: Hal Bell (79): Goal to sealeth game. Trademark long strike, like crossbow bolt, fleweth into thee top corner. Marmadukes 50th international goal.
Abysmalistan were basically nonexistent.

Vs Nonesuch Street: 0-1
A loss when thee squad needed a win. Probably ends the teams chances at qualification, unless they can topple or level Spurland AND TLC and, of course, Nedalia and Abysmalistan. Some dude scored for them. Rainford was caught off guard.

As It Standeth
Group 4
Win (2-0): Nonesuch Street (36), Nonesuch Street
Loss (3-4): Spurland (35), Fairbank
Loss (1-2): The Lowland Clans (17), The Lowland Clans
Win (2-0): Nedalia (94), Nedalia
Win (3-0): Abysmalistan (-), Trenport
Loss (0-1): Nonesuch Street (36), Adali
MD: Spurland (35), Spurland
MD: The Lowland Clans (17), City de Liam
MD: Nedalia (94), Mayfair
MD: Abysmalistan (-), Away

Group 4 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Spurland 15 5 0 1 13:6 7
2. The Lowland Clans 14 4 2 0 9:4 5
3. Nonesuch Street 10 3 1 2 9:5 4
4. Liamist States 9 3 0 3 11:7 4
5. Nedalia 3 1 0 5 4:13 -9
6. Abysmalistan 1 0 1 5 1:12 -11 E

Gabalfa Observer: 29th April 2005

Aroras Are Star-Struck

BETTIA 0
STARBLAYDIA 2 Lyku-Agbayani 6, Azanulbizarn 86

Bettia's faint hopes of making it past the qualfying rounds now look all but over after going down at home to table-toppers Starblaydia.

Preprations for the match were hardly ideal due to Bettison's injury and Ryder's suspension, although their replacements Ricardo DiTorino and Musa Williams are more than adequate - which is more than can be said of the start Bettia made to this match.

The visiting team were quickly out of the blocks, with Ogunniya forcing a save from the young Bettian keeper after just two minutes. Just four minutes later, Tumunzahar took a snap shot that was deflected wide for a corner, from which Lyku-Agbayani headed Starblaydia in front thanks partly to some slack marking.

This early setback stung Bettia into life, as the pacy Carew squared the ball to Connick in the centre of midfield, who then proceeded to nutmeg Martin Watt and thread the ball through to Chris Hutton. Hutton sidestepped the Starblaydi goalkeeper, then contrived to miss a certain goal by striking the ball into the side-netting from an angle.

The home team then had a golden opportunity to equalise on the half-hour mark, as an Abdul-Rahim shot was blocked by the hand of Starblaydia's captain Khim Azanulbizarn. Bettia's normally-dependable penalty taker Omar Whistler stepped up to take the kick, but instead of his normal top-corner efforts, he opted to weakly stroke the ball low to Gonzalez's left leaving the keeper with a relatively easy save.

In a end-to-end final ten minutes, Starblaydia had some good chances as Madray shot narrowly wide, Lyku-Agbayani shot straight into the arms of DiTorino, and Matranga skied the ball into Row Z with a shot that looked more at home on a rugby pitch.

The second half carried on where the first left off, with Abdul-Rahim and half-time substitute Judson York posing some problems for the Starblaydi back four. At the other end, Matranga tried to make amends for his first half howler with a curling shot that would've been destined for the back of the net were it not for the heroics of DiTorino in the Bettian goal.

The game got even more frenetic as the second half, with both teams involved in a cut, thrust and parry game that left many supporters short of breath - indeed it proved too much for one unfortunate visiting supporter who had to be rushed to Gabalfa General Hospital after suffering a suspected heart attack after Belizaire had a shot cleared off the line by Amir Bin Da'ud. Thankfully, the supporter is in a good condition and is looking forward to being released at some point today.

The Bettian fightback was killed off four minutes before time from Starblaydia's eleventh corner of the game. Matranga sent a short ball to the corner of the penalty area, finding Madray who sent a low cross in towards goal for captain Azanulbizarn to sidefoot home from five yards out.

After the game, a despondant Ian Atkins told reporters, "Well, it looks like third place is the best we can hope for now. I can't really fault the performance though, except perhaps the first five minutes. I've asid time and time again that we need to start games more positively, instead of letting our opponents having the early play. It's cost us dear today and we were unable to reply."


BETTIA 0-2 STARBLAYDIA

Bookings:
None

Sendings Off:
None


ATTENDANCE: 63,010


TEAM
Formation: 5-3-2

2. DiTorino
5. Williams
7. Carew
10. McKinnon
11. Bin Da'ud
12. Coates
13. Connick
17. Whistler
18. Brooks (sub 16. Abdullah, 71 mins)
20. Abdul-Rahim
21. Hutton (sub 25. York, 45 mins)

Unused Substitutes:
3. Sole
6. Morgan
9. Rahl


Fixtures

MD1: ....Starblaydia 0-0 Bettia
MD2: .........Bettia 1-2 EL CID THE HERO
MD3: ......Beanestan 0-3 Bettia
MD4: .........Bettia 3-1 San Verdi
MD5: .........Lykaia 3-0 Bettia
MD6: .........Bettia 0-2 Starblaydia
MD7: EL CID THE HERO vs. Bettia
MD8: .........Bettia vs. Beanestan
MD9: ......San Verdi vs. Bettia
MD10: ........Bettia vs. Lykaia




Current Group 5 Table

.................W D L..F..A..GD..Pts
Starblaydia......5 1 0..14 3..+11.16
EL CID THE HERO..4 1 1..11 6..+5..13
Lykaia...........2 3 1..10 6..+4..9
Bettia...........2 1 3..7..8..-1..7
San Verdi........0 3 3..9..14 -5..3
Beanestan........0 1 5..3..17 -14.1



Bettia Stats

Tournament Goalscorers
2: Abdul-Rahim, Harding
1: Rosensteihl, Ward, Whistler

Discipline
Red Cards: None

Yellow Cards:
2: Williams, Ryder
1: Connick, Pullman

Jeruselem Government News

Group 13 favourites steamroll on

Jeruselem and Turori once again showed why they are ranked so high. Both won their games while the chasers floundered under the pressure.

Fimble loving peoples once again lost their fimbles as Jeruselem recovered from their loss to Turori, losing 1-4. Jeruselem were back to their best not allowing the fimblians to have any space or room to make the plays required for scoring. The disappointment of WC XXI is now dead, we are looking ahead to a brighter future.

Sacred Evil fell to Turori as they lost 0-2. They cannot qualify and Turori keep top spot but Jeruselem is just one point behind them. The top 2 are showing what the competitive spirit can do.

Praying2God had another draw, this time with Bryn Shander. It was 2 ALL again and these two teams will need win games if they are to secure 3rd in this region. This means P2G is still 4th, and God help them.

Bryn Shander is 8 points behind Jeruselem! That's two wins and two draws. This means P2G is 3 wins behind Jeruselem, and getting 3 wins is not easy for teams who struggle to beat equal opponents. Fimble loving peoples despite being smashed time after time by the top 2, are only 2 point behind Bryn Shander. They can make it to 3rd, provided they start getting points.

Group 13
Sacred Evil 0 Turori 2
Fimble loving peoples 1 Jeruselem 4
Bryn Shander 2 Praying2God 2


Region 13 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Turori 16 5 1 0 11:2 9
2. Jeruselem 15 5 0 1 18:7 11
3. Bryn Shander 7 2 1 3 7:10 -3
4. Praying2God 6 1 3 2 10:9 1
5. Fimble loving peoples 5 1 2 3 7:13 -6
6. Sacred Evil 1 0 1 5 1:13 -12 E

Squornshelous Dominates Group 6 (mostly)

Despite a 1-0 loss to Lovisa, the Pschychoes have been in control of their WC 22 Qualifying run

Matchday 1:
Squornshelous 3-0 Liechtenistan


Matchday 2:
Squornshelous 3-2 Zanzabarland


Matchday 3:
Squornshelous 3-1 Kipto-Mare


Matchday 4:
Squornshelous 3-0 Oceaice


Matchday 5:
Squornshelous 0-1 Lovisa


Matchday 6:
Squornshelous 3-0 Leichtenistan

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Popov: 6
Guerrero: 4
Zikov: 4
Perez: 1


Group 6 Standings after Matchday 6:

Region 6 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Squornshelous 15 5 0 1 15:4 11
2. Lovisa 13 4 1 1 9:4 5
3. Oceaice 9 3 0 3 8:10 -2
4. Kipto-Mare 8 2 2 2 11:10 1
5. Zanzabarland 5 1 2 3 5:9 -4
6. Liechtenistan 1 0 1 5 2:13 -11

thsd:NEWS

Oli, Oli, Oli! Oi, Oi, Oi!

ONE more win for the road, and the Caleys are so close it's unbelievable. A victory on Matchday Seven means qualification for Krytenia, and they are currently the closest team to a spot in Liverpool England and <insert co-host here>. A brace from Keith Xousa and a free-kick strike from Dave Van Staveren was the difference between the two sides. Well, that and about thirty percent of the possession...

Next up is the home leg against Funny Looking Islands. Tickets for the match at Buryfield, Stanton, are sold out, but the coastal town of Stanton does have a good few sports bars to get completely tanked and watch the Caleys make it to ??LE.

Oliverry - 0
Krytenia - 3

~ Another draw day ~


Group 11
Bestiville 0 Vilita 1
Davistand 0 Kylaai 3
Gaian Ascendancy 1 Slaikau 1



Region 11 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Vilita 16 5 1 0 15:2 13
2. Kylaai 11 3 3 0 11:8 3
3. Gaian Ascendancy 10 2 4 0 9:4 5
4. Slaikau 8 2 2 2 10:5 5
5. Bestiville 3 1 0 5 3:13 -10
6. Davistand 1 0 1 5 1:17 -16


GANN Sports Desk: ~ We may be the voice of Group 11, but we don't mind.

The Seraphims however 'do' mind having to draw matches when a 1 - 1 match ends, and the Seraphims fall back into third, with another slide possible with another draw against Kylaai very possible. This from quotes from squad members after the match, seeing only Richard Kreese score in the 33rd minute, losing that to a 1-1 tie at the 47th minute, and not being able to make up that ground. They broke dead even for possession of the ball at midfield, and it showed in the end result.

"We feel like we lost today, and we're getting annoyed with these draws. They may be higher ranked teams, but we've 'beaten' even higher ranked ones. We should be winning more, not stick at relegation.

That's it, we're beating Kylaai tomorrow, almost no matter what it takes. (cleanly that is..)" ..commented an equally annoyed Ian Andersen.

"We realize these are older teams with more experience. But we'd 'like' to hear from them too. Kylaai and Slaikau are good teams, and we'd like to hear their end of things.

..as it is, drawing against squads we don't hear from, other than Vil of course, makes me wonder if we're playing in an empty group. Even so, we'll still earn our way in, this I still swear." ..an stoic Coach Kerensky promised of her club's performance.

Line up vs. Kylaai squad, MD7

Keeper: (Home Guard)
GK: Kelse Howe

Defenders: (Shield)
RWD: Azrael Bekker
LWD: Julian Masaki
CD: Xan Tsgen

Midfielders: (Armor)
LW: Fasha Clark
RW: Eros Maine
CFM: Russel Issac
CRM: Pryde Tamara

Strikers: (Sword)
LF: Sean Masaki
RF: Richard Kreese
CF: Ian Andersen

Team conditioning and form still hold up, though scoring is still suspect. The Seraphims look to correct this as the remaining matches in qualifying are coming to a dramatic close.

Stars-strike for first

Whatever Coach Dave Wilson said to his players following the Sarzonian national team's 1-0 loss to Spaam at Hendrix Stadium must have worked. The Stars rebounded from an opening draw at home to Spirit Nation, getting two goals from slumping forward Barry Alphonso and one from midfielder Bobby Convey en route to a 3-0 win over Spirit Nation. The win, combined with Druida's 2-2 draw away to Nova Mercia, saw the Stars inch ahead of Druida in goal differential into first place in Group 8.

"We've finally started to round into a little bit of form the last two matches," Wilson said. "It's nice to see this side start to play the way we expect the lads to play. Horace [Sandt, the team's starting goalkeeper] has been playing about as well as any 'keeper in this World Cup."

Sandt has only conceded one goal, during the team's loss to Spaam. He has led the side to a 4-1-1 record and the Stars have outscored their opponents to the tune of 12-1. He said the team was going to focus on each of its remaining matches, saying the team has "already begun" to prepare for its match against Nova Mercia.

"They played Druida tough," Sandt said. "And they're going to be looking to restore some of their pride after our last match against them. We hope the Iron Bowl [in Portland, Somerset] will be rocking."

The team announced that workers have finally finished work on Hendrix Stadium and it's "100 percent a go for the match against Druida." The visitor's clubhouse was only about 40 percent complete, according to midfielder and team captain Darwin Russell.

"I sure wouldn't want to get dressed in there under those conditions," he said. "I can imagine what the Spaamians were thinking."

Incorporated Football Federation Chairman Terry Mangione admitted the team received a complaint letter from his counterpart in Spaam, but he "put it in file number 13," he said. However, Mangione welcomed the Druidan federation president to inspect the facility to ensure that his players would be comfortable enough.

"It's not going to be the penthouse or Club Fed," Mangione said. "That's deliberate. But it will meet international standards, and we want to make sure Druida agrees that it does before we officially send the contractors home."

Cana City Press

Kodiaks get smacked down at home

Chicanada 1 : Wella

CANA - The Kodiaks looked very lackluster as they took a beating and dropped 3-1 to Wella at home today.

Not much to report, as the team chose not to hold a press conference and went to work prepping for their next match again The Belmore Family.

Even with the loss, the Kodiaks hold onto the 3rd slot in Group 7, one point ahead of Rittarstan who tied TBF and 4 behind Wella. Audioslavia continue to creep away with the Group title thanks to a 5-0-1 record.

The Kodiaks must rebound in a hurry and play both TBF and Audioslavia as well as they did in their first wins against both teams to keep any hope of qualifying alive. A loss to either will make the rematch with Rittarstan the scary last resort match.

Chicanada Schedule
MD1: Wella (L 2-1)
MD2: The Belmore Family (W 2-1)
MD3: Audioslavia (W 1-0)
MD4: Rittarstan (L 1-0)
MD5: Black Yellow (W 4-0)
MD6: Wella (L 3-1)
MD7: The Belmore Family (away)
MD8: Audioslavia (TroutCo Field, Cana)
MD9: Rittarstan (Narobi Stadia, Mogada)
MD10: Black Yellow (away)

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Two glorious defeats

Megalopolis City (BT) -- Through matchday four, Oglethorpia looked strong to at least come out of group two with some dignity. Two matchdays later, the sentiment was exactly the same as it was before the onset of false hope.

Oglethorpia was first defeated at the hands of Raptor Claw two-nil; more of a blow was defeat visiting Crystilakere. 1-0 through 40 minutes, Luud van Mistletoe stubbed his toe at the hands of a Crystilakeran defender in the penalty box, but proceeded to botch the opportunity. Much like a pinned turkey about to make another family's Thanksgiving, Oglethorpia completely and wholly resigned itself to defeat.

"I'm not worried a bit," reacted Staplin to remarks about the faltering Oglethorpian team. "We've done an admirable job of talent theft from the other nations in the Plains. I'm sure the guys in the Foreign Relations Bureau can make up for the kind of stuff we did. But it'll ALL BE WORTH IT. Next Cup, we're gunna rule. I've written this one off."

"He's written this one [World Cup 22] off," elaborated head-moral-supporter Torrence Black. "So we're going to give the best show we can; you know, 'if we could handle the ball, that would've been a great looking goal.' Or we can spell out 'OGL' on the field. With any luck, do non-football related stuff to take the focus off of our atrocious playing."

"We definitely should do non-football related stuff to take the focus off our atrocious football playing," added Cletus 'the Fetus' van Mistletoe. "You know, like spell our three letter country code on the field. We'll give the best show we can."

It remains to be seen if Oglethorpia shall fail at 'giving a good show' as good as they are at failing football.

Matchday 7 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8782157&postcount=12) is now vailable. Congrats to Krytenia and Turori (and most likely too, Jeruselem); welcome to the finals!

Bettia Could Face BoF Sanctions
---------------------The Bettia Aurora's could be forced to give back their Baptism of Fire Cup medals after the Bettian Press Department has recently been charged of Purgery. The latest charges against the Gabalfa Observer come after investigation into the Entire history of the papers match reports, and their uncanny links to the reports available on bristolrovers.co.uk (http://www.bristolrovers.premiumtv.co.uk/page/News/NewsDetail/0,,10328~574833,00.html); the website of a domestic club in the nation called "England", who ironically have a coach with the same name as the man supposedly leading the Bettian national team. VOIA Spies who have been investingating the affair lately have kept their investigation hidden, until hard evidence linking the reports published during the Baptism of Fire cup could be linked to the purgerificated documents. The Gabalfa slipped up in their act in this following early addition, as quoted:

Gabalfa Observer: 12th April 2005

Bettia Bitten By Snakes

Zanzabarland 1 Bettia 0
Lapp 11

Ian Atkins was left with plenty to think about after seeing his side fall to an 11th minute goal by Zanzabarland's Tiffany Lapp, which leaves the Aroras bottom of Group C after one match.

"It wasn't the scoreline that disappointed me as such, it's the manner of the defeat. Their goal was rather soft to say the least, and although we tried our best to get back at them, our heads just seemed to go down in the second half. In the end, it was as though the final whistle couldn't come soon enough."

Bettia slumped to a disappointing 1-0 defeat at the hands of Zanzabarland this afternoon following an uninspiring display at the Abbey Stadium.

Although the Snakes had the better of the first half, Bettia were first to attack with Abdul-Rahim's rasping shot from just inside the area parried by Lamar in the seventh minute.

Four minutes later, veteran midfielder Starr passed to Lapp who cheekily nutmegged the oncoming Gareth Coates and slotted the ball into the top corner to score the only goal of the game.

In the end the strike was enough for the Snakes to claim the three points, with the Aroras unable to break down their opponents or seriously test Snakes' goalkeeper Braden Lamar in their chase for an equaliser in the remainder of an end-to-end first half.

An Evan Brooks free-kick that sailed inches over the Zanzabarland crossbar was the closest as Bettia came to a goal in the opening half, and Snakes' Larrard Beru was ever-so-slightly more wayward when he fired into the sky from something like 40 yards out.

A corner on the half-hour mark saw John Harding steal in front of his marker to head wide at the near post, and then a free-kick from Evan Brooks caused some momentary mayhem in the Zanzabarland penalty area, as Abdullah teed up Omar Whistler, whose first attempt on goal was blocked, before a second whistled wide of Lamar's right post.

Whistler was involved again a couple of minutes later as he burst forward before firing a cross-come-shot into the box which Cincy blocked for a corner, and then the half ended with Zanzabarland threatening Amir Bettison's goal on the break, with a through-ball to Tiffany Lapp seeing the Aroras goalkeeper out early to stop the striker in her tracks as she ran on goal one-on-one.

The second half saw the game open up slightly, although there was still little in the way of consistency as far as Bettia's attacking play was concerned.

Zanzabarland however came out all guns blazing after the restart, and almost found themselves two goals ahead on 46 minutes after some poor Bettia defending.

A break forward down the middle saw the ball fall to Borris Jelato, and after his initial shot was only parried by Bettison, Gavin Darklighter hit a stunning shot which curved the wrong side of the post.

Jelato could have made 2-0 within seconds as more indecisive Bettian defending saw the Zanzabarland man in space just seven yards out, and it needed a strong arm from Bettison to push a powerful shot up and over his crossbar.

A series of corners in the following minutes led to very little in the way of efforts on goal for Zanzabarland, and in the end they were able to hold on to their advantage until the final whistle relatively easily, with Bettia making very little impact on their opponent's defence despite the pacy duo of Brown and York being brought on with 20 minutes to go.

Looking forward to the next match against Bestiville - who are currently joint-second after a 1-1 draw with Kazakhstania - Atkins commented, "Quite frankly I'm mystified as to how we just gave up in the second half. It could be lack of experience at this level, or lack of fitness. One thing's for sure though - there were over 20000 fans that made the long journey from Bettia to Legalese, and we shall be looking to reward them with a much better attacking performance. I may be looking to make some tactical changes, and perhaps give some of our younger, quicker players a chance."


ZANZABARLAND 1-0 BETTIA

Bookings: None
Sent Off: None

ATTENDANCE: 32,748


---------------------In this new, altered version of the same original Gabalfa document, VOIA investigation officials have meshed the text from the Gabalfa with the coinciding purged lines off the Bristol Rovers website. The VOIA spokesman said that the first hint in the case came, obviously, when it was discovered that the Bettian's were taking claim to having Ian Atkins as their head coach. This, alongwith the general similarity between Gabalfa reports and those released by Bristol Rovers, led to the increase in the investigation. Meticulous investigation ensued, and after trying to piece together random bits of information, VOIA investigators got their first big break when they stopped, and started over from the beginning, picking up this early copy of the Gabalfa with an obvious blunder of a reference to the Abbey Stadium, which led VOIA to the match report imposed in RED below:

Gabalfa Observer: 12th April 2005

Bettia Bitten By Snakes

Zanzabarland 1 Bettia 0
Lapp 11

Ian Atkins was left with plenty to think about after seeing his side fall to an 11th minute goal by Zanzabarland's Tiffany Lapp, which leaves the Aroras bottom of Group C after one match.

"It wasn't the scoreline that disappointed me as such, it's the manner of the defeat. Their goal was rather soft to say the least, and although we tried our best to get back at them, our heads just seemed to go down in the second half. In the end, it was as though the final whistle couldn't come soon enough."

Bettia slumped to a disappointing 1-0 defeat at the hands of Zanzabarland this afternoon following an uninspiring display at the Abbey Stadium.

Rovers slumped to a disappointing 1-0 defeat at the hands of Cambridge United this afternoon following an uninspiring display at the Abbey Stadium.

Although the Snakes had the better of the first half, Bettia were first to attack with Abdul-Rahim's rasping shot from just inside the area parried by Lamar in the seventh minute.

Four minutes later, veteran midfielder Starr passed to Lapp who cheekily nutmegged the oncoming Gareth Coates and slotted the ball into the top corner to score the only goal of the game.

In the end the strike was enough for the Snakes to claim the three points, with the Aroras unable to break down their opponents or seriously test Snakes' goalkeeper Braden Lamar in their chase for an equaliser in the remainder of an end-to-end first half.

In the end a strike just a minute into the second half was enough for the home side to claim the three points, with the Pirates unable to break down their hosts or seriously test goalkeeper John Ruddy in their chase for an equaliser.

An Evan Brooks free-kick that sailed inches over the Zanzabarland crossbar was the closest as Bettia came to a goal in the opening half, and Snakes' Larrard Beru was ever-so-slightly more wayward when he fired into the sky from something like 40 yards out.

A Steve Elliott free-kick that sailed high over the Cambridge crossbar was as close as Rovers came to a shot on goal in the opening half of the first period, and Kingsley Mbone was equally as wayward when he fired into the sky from something like 40 yards out.

A corner on the half-hour mark saw John Harding steal in front of his marker to head wide at the near post, and then a free-kick from Evan Brooks caused some momentary mayhem in the Zanzabarland penalty area, as Abdullah teed up Omar Whistler, whose first attempt on goal was blocked, before a second whistled wide of Lamar's right post.

A corner on the half-hour mark saw John Anderson steal in front of his marker to head wide at the near post, and then a free-kick from Ali Gibb caused some momentary mayhem in the Cambridge penalty area, as Christian Edwards teed up Dave Savage, whose first attempt on goal was blocked, before a second struck the foot of Ruddy's right post.

Whistler was involved again a couple of minutes later as he burst forward before firing a cross-come-shot into the box which Cincy blocked for a corner, and then the half ended with Zanzabarland threatening Amir Bettison's goal on the break, with a through-ball to Tiffany Lapp seeing the Aroras goalkeeper out early to stop the striker in her tracks as she ran on goal one-on-one.

Gibb was involved again a couple of minutes later as he burst forward before firing a cross-come-shot into the box which Ruddy palmed away for a corner, and then the half ended with Cambridge threatening Kevin Miller's goal on the break, with a through-ball to Ashley Nicholls seeing the Rovers goalkeeper out early to stop the United man in his tracks as he ran on goal one-on-one.

The second half saw the game open up slightly, although there was still little in the way of consistency as far as Bettia's attacking play was concerned.

The second half saw the game open up slightly, although there was still little in the way of consistency as far as Rovers' attacking play was concerned.

Zanzabarland however came out all guns blazing after the restart, and almost found themselves two goals ahead on 46 minutes after some poor Bettia defending.

Cambridge however came out all guns blazing after the restart, and found themselves a goal ahead on 46 minutes after some poor Rovers defending.

A break forward down the middle saw the ball fall to Borris Jelato, and after his initial shot was only parried by Bettison, Gavin Darklighter hit a stunning shot which curved the wrong side of the post.

A break forward down the middle saw the ball fall to Daniel Chillingworth, and after his initial shot was only parried by Miller, John Turner had the simplest of tasks in tapping home the rebound to give his side the lead.

Jelato could have made 2-0 within seconds as more indecisive Bettian defending saw the Zanzabarland man in space just seven yards out, and it needed a strong arm from Bettison to push a powerful shot up and over his crossbar.

Chillingworth could have made 2-0 within seconds as more indecisive Rovers defending saw the Cambridge man in space just seven yards out, and it needed a strong arm from Miller to push a powerful shot up and over his crossbar.

A series of corners in the following minutes led to very little in the way of efforts on goal for Zanzabarland, and in the end they were able to hold on to their advantage until the final whistle relatively easily, with Bettia making very little impact on their opponent's defence despite the pacy duo of Brown and York being brought on with 20 minutes to go.

A series of corners in the closing minutes led to very little in the way of efforts on goal for Rovers, and in the end Cambridge were able to hold on to their advantage until the final whistle relatively easily.

Looking forward to the next match against Bestiville - who are currently joint-second after a 1-1 draw with Kazakhstania - Atkins commented, "Quite frankly I'm mystified as to how we just gave up in the second half. It could be lack of experience at this level, or lack of fitness. One thing's for sure though - there were over 20000 fans that made the long journey from Bettia to Legalese, and we shall be looking to reward them with a much better attacking performance. I may be looking to make some tactical changes, and perhaps give some of our younger, quicker players a chance."


ZANZABARLAND 1-0 BETTIA
CAMBRIDGE UNITED 1-0 BRISTOL ROVERS

Bookings: None
Sent Off: None

ATTENDANCE: 32,748
ATTENDANCE: 2,748


--------------------While VOIA has so far only scrutinized in full one of these suspectedly fraudulent Match Reports, repeated blunders and similarity of language, amongst many other factors lead the expert investigators of the Vilitan Orbital Intelligence Agency to believe that not only is this not just an isolated case, but is very likely a nearly ever-present case in the press room of the Gabalfa Observer. Currently, no decision has been made regarding sanctions to be imposed on the Bettian National squad. While no sanctions are likely to be handed out on the team during the current World Cup Qualifying section, a hearing will be held sometime next week amongst permanent hosts Vilita, and other prominent and influential members of the World Cup Hierarchy as to whether the Bettian's will be stripped of their Baptism of Fire Cup champions medal. If the Bettians are stripped of their title, Vilitan representatives have indicated that the nations of Zanzabarland, Nedalia and Corneliu would be invited to a post-World Cup Qualifying expo, where Zanzabarland would face Nedalia in the preliminary round, and the winner facing Corneliu for the rights to the title of World Cup 22's Baptism of Fire Cup Champions.

Onion Bag Ball Magnet!
Harlesburg lose 1-0 to Red Dot.
After 7 matches Harlesburg are in second to last place in their pool and have scored only 3 goals to their oppositions 8.

"I would be more happy with our team scoring at least twice the number we have currently and our opposition having only scored 7 goals in 8 games!
But i would care if we had only score 3 as long as we had won more than the solitary single we have so far."

"But to be fair 8 goals is actually quite near the mark set by the leading teams throughout the whole competition we just need to score more ourselves."

"Its the second time we have been allowed in a World Cup and we arent living up to our expectations obviously others would think we are to par but we want to do better last time we didnt have a chance Massive flooding in our nation meant our team couldnt compete they stayed behind and helped repair our nation looking after the local communities We were 'represented' by a Highschool second eleven for crying out loud!"

With any hopes of Harlesburg's Eagles getting past the pool play gone it is all about improving performances causing an upset and for some of the better players in the Team to possibley pickup a locrative deal with a noffshore club,though the chances of this look slim to nil with the way the players have performed to date.

Jeruselem Goverment News

Pretenders fall, Praying2God earn 3rd spot

The demons of World Cup XXI are gone. Region 13 is settled with top 3 as predicted earlier showing why they are here, to win. Match day 7 was a bad day for rookies, no wins and no goals.

Bryn Shander's chances of a top 3 spot were cruelly taken away after Jeruselem trampled on them 3-0. The mismatch helped Praying2God inadventently, but we look after our own interests first.

Turori went nuts and smashed Fimble loving peoples 5-0, who were also eliminated but they were never in the hunt really. Turori have not lost a game, and with Jeruselem chasing relentlessly they need to keep up this form. They have scored 16 goals in 7 games, eclipsed by Jeruselem's 21. Defense, 2 goals in 7 games! That's super.

Praying2God beat up on a sad team called Sacred Evil 2-0. The win did help but being 9 points behind Jeruselem who also won, they have much work to do. Turori have qualified and it is expected Jeruselem will not have much trouble next match, with such a massive lead over P2G considering the opposition apart from Turori is lacking.

Defensively P2G isn't bad conceding 9 against Jeruselem's 7. However, they have much improve with attack scoring 12 goals but this pales in comparison to the top 2.

Jeruselem 3 Bryn Shander 0
Turori 5 Fimble loving peoples 0
Praying2God 2 Sacred Evil 0


Region 13 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Turori 19 6 1 0 16:2 14 Q
2. Jeruselem 18 6 0 1 21:7 14
3. Praying2God 9 2 3 2 12:9 3
4. Bryn Shander 7 2 1 4 7:13 -6 E
5. Fimble loving peoples 5 1 2 4 7:18 -11 E
6. Sacred Evil 1 0 1 6 1:15 -14 E

Six of the Starblaydi Best!
19 points from 21, Starblaydia 'Up for the Cup'

With a new World Cup Qualifying record for Starbaydia's history books of six wins in a row. coming on the tail-end of a sixteen-game unbeaten run in Qualifiers, Starblaydia are showing they mean business in World Cup 22.

If Starblaydia can manage a 'magnificent' seventh win in a row by beating Lykaia in their next match, they will have sealed Qualification for World Cup 22 with two games left to play.

Games Played:
Home - Away (Starblaydi Goalscorers)
Starblaydia 0-0 Bettia (None)
San Verdi 2-4 Starblaydia (Ogunniya, Lyku-Agbayani [2], Belizaire)
Starblaydia 1-0 Lykaia (Tumunzahar)
Beaneastan 0-4 Starblaydia (Belizaire, Tumunzahar, Matranga, Buathiang)
Starblaydia 3-1 EL CID THE HERO (Madray, Belizaire [2])
Bettia 0-3 Starblaydia (Lyku-Agbayani, Azanulbizarn)
Starblaydia 2-0 San Verdi (Caltabiano, Doukas)

Games Remaining:
Lykaia - Starblaydia
Starblaydia - Beaneastan
EL CID THE HERO - Starblaydia


With EL CID THE HERO only managing a 1-1 draw at home to the controversey dogged Bettian Rovers - Aroras! sorry! - Starblaydia have managed to increase the gap between them and the HEROES from three to five points. Starblaydia need just five points from their remaning three matches to clinch the Group-Winners berth, though with Matchday 10 being EL CID at home to Starblaydia, that could be the place for Starblaydia to celebrate another Qualifying Group Winners' title.

Group 5
# Nation Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Starblaydia 19 6 1 0 16:3 13
2. EL CID THE HERO 14 4 2 1 12:7 5
-- --------------- -- - - - -- -- --
3. Lykaia 12 3 3 1 12:7 5
4. Bettia 8 2 2 3 8:9 -1
E. San Verdi 3 0 3 4 9:16 -7
E. Beaneastan 1 0 1 6 4:19 -15

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

ANOTHER DRAW FOR THE LIGHTNING
Team continues to underacheive in Region 1

A 0-0 draw with lowly Oliverry left Svecian fans wondering why. The team which was supposedly the best in its region is now battling for second place, as Krytenia has moved well clear of the others with a perfect record.

Vikings score nil, draw Euroslavia. Odds stacked for qualification

With only managing a draw against bottom ranked Euroslavia, Fmjphoenix has seen their qualification chances all but washed away. Fmjphoenix will need a miricle in their last three matches. As in they need to win each one and they need Eauz to lose their three last matches. Not very promising for the Vikings. There has been a report of trouble out in Vanguard, but there are not any major leads to what is going on. Will report more when there is more information.

All to play for

The Islanders overcame a strong Legalese side to keep themselves in the race for qualification. Head Coach, Ron Burgandy said he was very proud of his teams performance as they battled hard to achieve a much needed 3 points over what many had seen as a stronger side. We've been drawn a group that is full of quality and we are doing exceptionally well to still be in the frame.

Feighan Rovers stricker, Alan Johns, got his name on the score-sheat twice (22nd minute, 59th minute) to secure victory for his side. The young striker (21) is currently beileved to be in talks with defending League champions Boyle United.

Season Over?

Many pundits believe the Islanders season may be over after a poor display in a game which they lost 3-1 to Krytenia. Head Coach, John Burgandy, was unavailable for interviews after the match and was seen rushing furiously to the changing room.

The transmission was done in a former bunker, several meters below the ground. The room reminded of a prison and satirical minded citizens thought it was a good sign to see the leaders of Rejistania there. The official head of state, Hank~hila Sede as well as Teke Daran, who is known as the most influential person in Rejistania since he is president of the ASR, Priest Kaxada and Rikki Stone, who became leaders of the two sides of the conflict. Of course the blue-hooded priest and the ex-striker wearing a highly fashionable outfit and appearing terrible out-of-place due to that in the bunker and in the company of a the others. Hank~hila Sede wears a beige suit and wears her long grey hairs open, Teke Daran wears a black suit, which does not fit to his dark skin, but looks more formal. That is fitting since he is said to secretly run the country.

"This is Priest Kaxada, Teke Daran, Rikki Stone and Hank~hila Sede speaking to the country of Rejistania!" The first Lentine pointed to the persons as she speaks. "Look at your country! Look what it dissolved into!" The first Lentine continues telling the country to stop the senseless fighting, the existence of tactics, which are inbetween Karela and Takil like 4-4-2. The others agree, together they say: "We want this war to end!" A razzia of persons in uniforms at the same time confiscates the va'takil and other weapons of the blue-hooded Takilists. The policemen say they also have to confiscate the weapons of the Karelaists but they of course don't - they are Karelan monks in disguise. Suddenly, a blast of energy is emitted by the Karelan priest, Sede and Daran fall down and don't move, Stone loses his balance, falls on his backside and curses. The priest just emmitts another blast of energy and this time, also Stone stops moving.

"The war is won! Karela is supreme! Resistance is futile!"

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png
football

Very good performance so far, but is it enough?

SONOMA CITY -- Just as 2-0 was apparently the standard scoreline for the Bedistan Lions in World Cup 21 qualifying, 3-0 appears to be filling that role this time. The Lions defeated Gregenburg today at Fillmore National Stadium, racking up their fourth 3-0 win in seven matches and bringing the Lions to a respectable 5-1-1 record. Bedistan's offense seems to be firing on all eight cylinders as well, as the team has managed to score twenty goals in the last seven matches, an output not seen in twenty years. In the second half of World Cup 17 qualifying, the Lions racked up an incredible 25 goals in seven matches (5-1 over Dance 2 Revolution, 3-1 over Spurland, 4-1 over Carthage and Troy, 7-0 over Vorpal Bunnies, 1-1 against Lovisa, 1-0 over Krytenia, and 4-0 over Jeruselem).

Yet, here's the funny story: even with 16 points out of a possible 21, twenty goals scored (tied for third-best), and only four goals conceded (actually an eight-way tie for mere 12th-best), there is a very real possibility that Bedistan could fail to qualify for World Cup 22. Tadjikistan's unexplained dominance of the group has almost secured a World Cup berth for the Tigers (they need three more points to ensure it). This leaves just one more slot, and Bedistan and Giant Zucchini are fighting tooth and nail for it. The Zucchinis are currently two points back in third place and lagging by seven units of goal differential, but there is a not very unlikely scenario that exists that could put Giant Zucchini in the World Cup and leave the Lions out in the cold in third place. Observe:

Matchday 8: Bedistan over Moleland, Giant Zucchini over Tadjikistan
Matchday 9: Giant Zucchini over Bedistan, Tadjikistan over Kazakhstania
Matchday 10: Bedistan over Tadjikistan, Giant Zucchini over Gregenburg

This would give the Lions a very good 7-1-2 record, 22 points, and a probable goal differential somewhere in the vicinity of +20. But GZ would be 7-2-1 for 23 points and Tadjikistan 8-0-2 for 24 points, condemning the reigning champions to third place in Group 3. In the words of Lions manager Mike Davidson, this would be "a travesty of World Cup 11 proportions". Explaining further, he said that "it would definitely be an example of World Cup competition at its finest, but it sure would not feel good to get the short end of the stick".

Then again, even if that situation were to occur, all might not be lost.

"As a matter of fact, given that situation, I would wager large amounts of cash that we would qualify anyway," says BediStat senior analyst Charles Godwinson. "As you know, due to domestic problems in South Osettia, that nation was forced to withdraw from the Cup. That leaves one position in the finals open. Now as it currently stands, and this is not finalized, but it looks like Legalese will take that slot if they do not qualify outright, as they have volunteered to assist in cohosting duties. Legalese is currently in third place in Group 1, but they are just one point behind Svecia in second. And let's face it, the Lightning have been in rotten form the past few cups. There is no doubt in my mind that Legalese will surge forward and secure second place in the group. As it currently looks, that probably means that the replacement team will either be the third-place team with the best record or will be decided by a playoff of the two third-place teams with the best records. In the event of the former, the only teams remotely likely to challenge us for that position would be Nonesuch Street, Nova Britannicus, and Hiiraan. And that's pretty much only if they go 3-0-0 for the rest of qualifying. Things could get tricky in the event of a playoff -- I would NOT want to face Nova B in a playoff match. Anyway, I really don't think we have anything to worry about."

Bold words from Charles Godwinson. At any rate, we'll be watching the third-place situation very closely from here on out. Note that if we beat Giant Zucchini on Matchday 9, it's all probably a moot point anyway.

finalscore
Bedistan 3 (Carpenter 29, 60; Vantrease 38)
Gregenburg 0

currentstandings
GROUP THREE P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Tadjikistan 7 7 0 0 13 2 +11 21
Bedistan 7 5 1 1 20 4 +16 16
Giant Zucchini 7 4 2 1 16 7 +9 14
Moleland 7 0 3 4 4 11 -7 3
Kazakhstania 7 0 2 5 2 14 -12 2
Gregenburg 7 0 2 5 3 20 -17 2

Teams in red are eliminated
Tadjikistan needs 3 points to secure qualification

THIRD PLACE P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Giant Zucchini 7 4 2 1 16 7 +9 14
Nova Britannicus 7 4 2 1 12 6 +6 14
Nonesuch Street 7 4 1 2 11 5 +6 13
Lykaia 7 3 3 1 12 7 +5 12
Spaam 7 3 3 1 9 4 +5 12
Legalese 7 3 2 2 10 9 +1 12
Oceaice 7 4 0 3 10 10 0 12
Slaikau 7 3 2 2 12 5 +7 11
Fmjphoenix 7 3 2 2 8 7 +1 11
Commerce Heights 7 3 2 2 7 7 0 11
Chicanada 7 3 1 3 9 7 +2 10
Praying2God 7 2 3 2 12 9 +3 9
Lethislavania 6 1 5 0 6 3 +3 8
Kaze Progressa 7 2 2 3 9 8 +1 8
Haperd 6 2 1 3 9 9 0 8

nextmatch
It's a must win in Moleland for the Lions, while Giant Zucchini attempt to break Tadjikistan's 100% run. A failure by either team (assuming the other doesn't) could prove disastrous for that team.

Press Conference with Randy Gamman, manager of the Nedalia Lions:

“Well, it’s a hilarious situation, really. I remember playing them in the quarter-finals of the BoF Cup thinking with match reports like that, they deserved the victory. But you know, I wouldn’t go as far as taking the BoF championship away from them. They were an exceptional team, and lest we forget, they came up with some very original material. I am, ofcourse, speaking on the now famous BBC live broadcast from the zoo when the Aroras took on some Lions. The Lions, as it would have it, were obviously not of the Nedalian – Bedistani breed, as they somehow didn’t manage to win that fight. Nevertheless, Im driftin off the subject here…”

What do you think of the Vilitians suggesting that Nedalia, Corneliu, and Zanzabarland competing for the championship if it is indeed taken away from the Bettians?

“I say let them have it. I mean, if it came down to it, and they did take it away from them, I personally wouldn’t feel to comfortable for a competition which would forever hold an asterisks sign next to it. Ultimately, it would be up to the Nedalian FA to decide, but that’s just my two cents about the subject, if it means anything. As for the players, I know they’d play just because of their competitive spirit, but you’d have to ask them.”

One more question, Mr. Gamman. What happened with the Liamist States?

“Don’t even get me started on that match. Arrogant sons of…..Lets just let the matter rest. Everyone saw the refereeing job on TV. Now you’ve gotten me all riled up. Press conference over.”

Crystils clinch finals place

The Crystilakere Crystils have confirmed their place in the World Cup 22 finals after yet another multi goal victory. The latest win has come against Piquantrax who have yet to win a single game in qualifying. With just two games left to play in Region 2, the Crystils could still lose the top spot in the group. Raptor Claw still has 3 games left to play, and could finish with 21 points. The Crystils have not yet had their second walkover, but are still confirmed as finalists because they can not be caught by third placed team Haperd. Haperd currently has 8 points, and in their final 2 games can have no more than 14. This gives Haperd an outside chance at finishing second in the group and making the world cup finals along with Crystilakere, but that would only be possible if Raptor Claw did not win any of the three games they have still to play. Crystilakere are one of three teams who have won every single game in qualifying so far. The first three regions are the same that have these three teams with a perfect record. Krytenia has the best goal differential of the teams and currently can claim the best overall record in qualifying. Crystilakere are close behind and Tadjikistan are also 100%.

Pschychoes Marching On

A second consecutive 3-0 victory strengthens Squornshelous qualifying position
Squornshelous continued to dominate play in Group 6, which they have lead since the first Matchday, against Zanzabarland. Previously, this new team had presented a bit of a problem for the then, relatively untested Squornshelan defense, pushing the score to 3-2. Since that Matchday 2 meeting, the Pschychoes have improved, but the same could not be said for their oponents.
Squornshelous opened up the scoering in the 21st minute, and never looked back, capitalizing on a mishandled ball by [defender]. As the ball bounced away from him off his knee, Popov pounced on it, and quickly put it into the top left hand corner. The second goal came just a few minutes later as Brian Guerrero recieved a crossing pass from midfielder Jorge Perez. He met the ball perfectly, leaping in front of the goalkeeper to head it into the net.
Zanzabarland shifted to a more defensive formation, trying to stop the flow of goals, and it worked, but only for 13 minutes. In the 38th minute, Squornshelous was playing possesion in their attacking half, and eventually, a hole was found in the defense. Marvin Oonar mad a move and beat his marker, and when a second defender ran to help, he passed to a wide open Yanni Zikov, who played it on the run just past the goalkeeper's fingertips.
At halftime, Popov, Zikov, Oonar and defender Sam Fletcher were subbed out to allow them to rest and backup players to get some playing time. Little happened at either end of the field after that, and the game ended without another goal.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-0 Zanzabarland

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Popov [21]
SQ: Guerrero [25]
SQ: Zikov [38]

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Popov: 7
Guerrero: 5
Zikov: 5
Perez: 1

Group 6 Standings after Matchday 7:

Region 6 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Squornshelous 18 6 0 1 18:4 14
2. Lovisa 16 5 1 1 11:4 7
- - - -
3. Oceaice 12 4 0 3 10:10 0
4. Kipto-Mare 8 2 2 3 11:12 -1
5. Zanzabarland 5 1 2 4 5:12 -7 E
6. Liechtenistan 1 0 1 6 2:15 -13 E


A win over Kipto-Mare in Matchday 8 will all but qualify the Pschychoes, as they will equal the maximum possible points by Oceaice and it is next to impossible for a team to make up a goal difference of 14 in three matches. That result would also eliminate Kipto-Mare from the Cup.

Spurland Finally Come To Play
Second in Group 4

The Spurland Football Association (SFA) finally sent out a team of professional players afer seven matches of the current qualifying campaign already over. They find themselves in second position in group 4 with five wins and two losses. Their earlier games were played by a bunch of elderly people who just happened to wander on the pitch at kickoff.

"Those old buggers havnt been doing all that badly for us," commented the returning Spurland team manager Morzaria, "They really played their hearts out. Literally… Last I heard was that a couple of them collapsed after the last game. Sweet old buggers they are, but now its time for us to start playing.

“The reason why we didn’t show up earlier is that, well, lets just say the beer got the best of us after qualifying for our first world cup last time around, for the first time, in our history, for the twenty-first word cup. If that makes sense.

“Now lets prepare ourselves for Nonesuch Street, hopefully we can win this one and build on our second place in the group.”

He was later seen buying a round of beers for the team on their arrival in Nonesuch Street.

Expected Lineup VS Nonesuch Street:
1. Xavier Breach (GK, 31)

2. Marcus Abbot (D RLC, 34)
3. Chris Gardner (D LC, 30)
4. Albert Kaholic (D C, 30)
5. Andy Lambert (D LR, 30)

6. Jae Head (M RL, 22)
7. Hunter Lentworth (M RC, 32)
8. Steven Kink (M C, 25)
9. Robbie Manali (M RC, 34)

10. Martin Wolf (S C, 28)
11. Tokai Hashish (S C, 26)


Region 4 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. The Lowland Clans 17 5 2 0 10:4 6
2. Spurland 15 5 0 2 13:8 5
3. Nonesuch Street 13 4 1 2 11:5 6
4. Liamist States 12 4 0 3 13:7 6
5. Nedalia 3 1 0 6 4:14 -10 E
6. Abysmalistan 1 0 1 6 1:14 -13 E

Fixtures/Results:
MD1: Spurland v Nedalia W 3-0
MD2: Liamist States v Spurland W 3-4
MD3: Spurland v Nonesuch Street W 2-0
MD4: Abysmalistan v Spurland W 0-1
MD5: Spurland v The Lowland Clans L 1-2
MD6: Nedalia v Spurland W 1-2
MD7: Spurland v Liamist States L 0-2
MD8: Nonesuch Street v Spurland
MD9: Spurland v Abysmalistan
MD10: The Lowland Clans v Spurland

~ MD7 = MD2 ~


Kylaai 0 Gaian Ascendancy 0
Vilita 5 Davistand 0
Slaikau 2 Bestiville 0



Region 11 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Vilita 19 6 1 0 20:2 18
2. Kylaai 12 3 4 0 11:8 3
3. Slaikau 11 3 2 2 12:5 7
4. Gaian Ascendancy 11 2 5 0 9:4 5
5. Bestiville 3 1 0 6 3:15 -12 E
6. Davistand 1 0 1 6 1:22 -21 E


GANN Sports Desk: ~ There's no beating the bush. Despite the Seraphims pressing hard and dominating the midfield at 54 percent for the match, the Gaians yet again are stuck with a draw, and now face elimination at the hands of the Vilitans.

The Gaians need a win, no doubt about it. A draw and some luck to allow the Seraphims to survive to their matches against Bestiville and Davistand could still allow them Gaians to qualify, but with the total lack of goals and five draws through seven matches of play, it seems the Gaians might be better off waiting till the next World Cup.

They faced down Kylaai on their own field, and once more managed to hold even with a top notch team. But the lack of victories and points is dragging the Seraphim down. Gaian Keeper Howe stopped four clean shots on goal and was assisted with two more from the Seraphim Defense, while Ian Andersen tried to push the ball past the Kylaai Defense, but the Strikers had just as nil luck against the Kylaai Keeper.

"Man, for the silent types, these guys we've been facing are either brick walls, or wet paper bags, considering the score.

Personally, we could use a bit more wet paper bag, seeing too much brick." Andersen quipped in disgust that his own prediction fell short. It seemed the second come around Gaians in the World Cup will be booking for a defense of the CoH Trophy in Cup XIV, unless there's a major change.

"We came in with high hopes, and have not, goddess forbid tomorrow against Vilita, lost a match as yet. Still, five draws feels... flat. it's also getting us more mad with each match like this." Kelse Howe commented.

"It hurts, kinda. Drawing this many times seems more like too many times not having finished the job. For everything we came for, about the only thing we can come away from this Cup, is that we stood toe to toe with the big wigs, instead of being run over like last time, so far anyway.

We'll be ready once more, but without a key player." ..the head coach commented, as Midfielder Eros Maine took a hard studs challenge at the 77th minute of play, taking an injury revealed as a hairline fracture of his left shin. "Yes it looked as painful as it seemed, and he's out unfortunately for the rest of the Cup. If we qualify by chance, as well. But he'll be up not too long after that." ..Kerensky..

Maine is expected to be out for a month, while med-techs properly repair and manage the leg back to full health. In the meantime, 17. Scott Yeh (Tar Gonduwa; 23) will play the rest of the Cup. "It's pressure to live up to this squad's stature, but I'll be ready. Team spirit is pretty agitated, so I'll have plenty of charged up players around me gunning for the ball."

MD8 National Team Starters vs. Vilita:

Keeper: (Home Guard)
GK: Kelse Howe

Defenders: (Shield)
RWD: Azrael Bekker
LWD: Julian Masaki
CD: Xan Tsgen

Midfielders: (Armor)
LW: Fasha Clark
RW: Scott Yeh (replaces Eros Maine)
CFM: Russel Issac
CRM: Pryde Tamara

Strikers: (Sword)
LF: Sean Masaki
RF: Richard Kreese
CF: Ian Andersen

The big draw for the Gaian match with Vilita, who are currently 0-1-2, with only a point against, is that this is to be played at Gaian National Stadium, with a jammed crowd of 100,000 from both Ascendancy, Vilitan and neutral fans from all over.

"We haven't really shown off our arena as yet, because simply we focus on the team. Quite quietly we've built up a 'very' advanced stadium, totally dedicated to international football, and the fans and players that make the magic." ..said team core sponsor, Lady Arashi of Holy Council, about a month prior to the start of matches, and also prior to the start of the Deatharon War, where she also is currently in the active combat zone.

Gaian National Stadium offers hyper advanced terminals and food mini-replicators, at the touch of a voice controlled LACRS panel, for 'every' seat within the stadium. The seats in fact are double the normal space of the norm for a sports stadium, with seats even being a soft cushion material made with SofJel to give fans true comfort, and that's just the basic seating. The VIP section, 20,000 seat boxes strong, are almost virtual holosuites, filled with cornucopias of entertainment, and also not listed seating for tens of thousands more for the adjacent restaurants melded into the stadium upper decks, may with open window views of the splendor of the Ascendancy Homeworld, with the Holy Palace Tree dominating view to due north, with north being a strong luck belief in the Republic.

Other than the box seats, the rest of the stadium is open air, as Climatizers only allow precipitation on set schedules. Hence most matches are enjoyed in perfect comfort, at any time of the day. The air is also crisp, and kept clean and clear by Stadium humidity absorbers, that recycle the water into a drinkable format, allowing fans to watch matches full on, as well as see clearly the five separate holoscreens, the largest that extends across over 200 kilometers, and hovers over the northwest end of the stadium.

It is here, that the Gaians will meet the Vilitans and their fans, for the next battle in a seriously growing rivalry.

Expect a rabid crowd of Seraphim supporters, as the squad fights for a place in the next round.

Spurred In Thy Ass
Nay: This Time Twas They
Sir Peter d’Gradburg, Ye Olde Printing Press

Verily, we may have losteth to thy Nonesuch Streetians, rather than repeating our finest hour and a half against thee side we defeated, but we verily madeth up for it against Spurland, defeating the team by a hearty two goals.

Spurland’s forward knights tried valiantly to breaketh our defence, like so much twiggery. Yet our defence is more akin to a redwood cedar: strong, tough and a fine source of lumber. Marry, thee defence broke not once and allowed our forwards and midfields, the occasional lightning break to turn momentum on it’s ass and take a long shot from beyond the penalty box, as is Liamist States fashion, at thee timethness.

Rod Manoni brought on thee first goal, surprisinglyeth, from free play, rather than the free kicks from which we are used to. Manoni found himself in a vacuum of opposition and, verily, booted thy balleth as if twas a free kick. Finding the keeper unawares, Sir Manoni landed thy ball in the back of thee net and took the lead to a single goalethnessageenstein. Armand Iziary twas our second scorer, prithee, marry and verily, bringing the ball from within his own half to within six metres of thee goals, without losing his concentration once. Twas child’s play to seal the goal, and the match, but verily tiring. Iziary collapsed under the effort but was alright shortly after.

Marry, tis no surprise that thee dastardly dogs failed to mention us in their heathen reporting but that’s typical of they. Thee Marmadukes stand in fourth place still, clinging onto hopes of potentially making thee top two, although tis indeed a stretch. If results go our way and we can win the remainder of our games, preferably with largeth margins, then we could seeth thy Marmadukes entering their first World Cup finals.

As It Standeth
Qualifying - Group 4
Win (2-0): Nonesuch Street (36), Nonesuch Street
Loss (3-4): Spurland (35), Fairbank
Loss (1-2): The Lowland Clans (17), The Lowland Clans
Win (2-0): Nedalia (94), Nedalia
Win (3-0): Abysmalistan (-), Trenport
Loss (0-1): Nonesuch Street (36), Adali
Win (2-0): Spurland (35), Spurland
MD: The Lowland Clans (17), City de Liam
MD: Nedalia (94), Mayfair
MD: Abysmalistan (-), Away

Group 4 Standings
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. The Lowland Clans 17 5 2 0 10:4 6
2. Spurland 15 5 0 2 13:8 5
3. Nonesuch Street 13 4 1 2 11:5 6
4. Liamist States 12 4 0 3 13:7 6
5. Nedalia 3 1 0 6 4:14 -10 E
6. Abysmalistan 1 0 1 6 1:14 -13 E

aeropagtribune.com—not the official online resource of the Commerce Heights Chronicle

World Cup: Capitalizts duel with Sjwitz in Karelan draw
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CT—At CDA National Stadium, 175,277 punters showed up, and despite threatening clouds at the horizon, no rain came. Capitalizts tactics involved an interesting 4–4–2 combination. The following players had been chosen: Garland—Nurjaman, Y. Yoon, Lee, Yi—Jong, Adang, Sutherland, Nam—Zulkifli, Tsalikis, H. Yoon.

Sjwitz had chosen a strategic 5–4–1 formation. They fielded: Jackson—Gerwig, Bradwell, Staal, Bel, Mulder—Wallace, Sziegl, Teale, Günerim—Buurman.

Sjwitz strategy involved pressing and cutting off attack angles of their opponents from all over the field. Sjwitz’s ability to press their opponents all over the field paid off frequently. Henrik Buurman of Sjwitz received a yellow card in the 11th minute for unsportsmanlike behaviour. Capitalizts’s Han-Gyong Nam got himself booked. Halftime score was 0–0. Sjwitz held the ball, with a clear 58 percent possession rate.

Han-Gyong Nam received some harsh words from his coach after he acted foolishly, probably out of lack of experience, in the 56th minute and almost caused an opponent to score. Gi-Su Lee of Capitalizts received a yellow card in the 68th minute for unsportsmanlike behaviour. In the 70th minute an unfortunate play by Kraig Garland gave the visitors a chance at the lead, but Henrik Buurman, finding himself alone with the keeper, was unable to take advantage of the situation. Henrik Buurman of Sjwitz got sent off for kicking the ball after the whistle, a completely uncalled for move, earning him his second yellow card of the game. Craig Bradwell of Sjwitz received a yellow card in the 74th minute for unsportsmanlike behaviour. Sjwitz held the ball, with a clear 72 percent possession rate.

The most dominating Capitalizts player was without a doubt Omiros Tsalikis. Stanford Sutherland on the other hand, had a terrible day. Sjwitz’s best player was Craig Bradwell. Jochum Bel on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 0–0.

—————

Sean Brar: What is the world coming to? A source of respected journalism has to steal my Matchtrick report, and disguise it as an actual IRL World Cup qualifier, rather than writing something original?

Matchday 8 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8788309&postcount=13) scores are now online.

the abysmal times

abysmals only lose 0-1, coach crap angry

the match in nedalia saw no abysmal fans since no one could afford to go there. there was no weather, the sky was of a unnatural blue and the day was so not-dark like it never occurred in Abysmalistan. the abysmals were discouraged and scored only one own goal - or the transmission was distorted and the scoreline was nedalia 10 - abysmalistan 0. the abysmal times suspects the latter, but seeing how extremely bad the abysmals are away from home, both possibilities could have happened.

Jeruselem Government News

Region 13 settled, the demons are gone!

It's settled. Region 13 of World Cup XXII is decided!
The top 2 have booked their spots and the demons that Jeruselem had with Praying2God are gone. Banished, our revenge is sweet!

Praying2God vs Jeruselem settled two things, whether P2G or Jeruselem was better and who make the next round from Group 13. Jeruselem's scraped 1-0 over P2G but this our second win over them now in the same world cup. Our score is settled, and we have achieved our main objective - making the next stage. God was on our side!

Turori piled on the pain for Bryn Shander with a 3-0 win and they keep top spot. Between the top 2, there have been 1 draw and 1 loss - the rest are wins. The remaining objective is who will be #1, but there's nothing wrong with #2 behind Turori. An indicator, of the domimation of the top 2 is the goal differences - +17 and +15. P2G's is only +2.

In a meaningless game, Fimble loving peoples drew with Sacred Evil 1 ALL. Sacred Evil is still last and looks like staying that way.

Praying2God 0 Jeruselem 1
Bryn Shander 0 Turori 3
Fimble loving peoples 1 Sacred Evil 1


1. Turori 22 7 1 0 19:2 17 Q
2. Jeruselem 21 7 0 1 22:7 15 Q
3. Praying2God 9 2 3 3 12:10 2 E
4. Bryn Shander 7 2 1 5 7:16 -9 E
5. Fimble loving peoples 6 1 3 4 8:19 -11 E
6. Sacred Evil 2 0 2 6 2:16 -14 E

The KaMaRi Update

No goal conceded against Kingsford

The rejistanian Orange-Blues played a good match against the christians from Kingsford. No goal was conceded and the Orange-Blues even managed to score 4 times without appearing too non-Karelan. Kingsford had no chance in this match against the catenaccio tactic of the Orange-Blues. Kingsford lacked their secret weapon Jingus Gonorrhea and they were confused with the tactic of Rejistania, maybe this was the reason why they played that uninspired. National coach Siki Rej commented the match as "Very good match, even though the team should have pulled back more after the 1:0!"

The Orange-Blues are still the first in the table with two draws and 6 wins.

The Magnificent Seven
7 Straight Wins as Starblaydia Qualify

There's been the good, the bad and the ugly, but Starblaydia's wild boys have earned more than their fair share of a fistful of dollars by sending themselves to the World Cup.

The 'Magnificent' Seven:
Home - Away (Starblaydi Goalscorers)
San Verdi 2-4 Starblaydia (Ogunniya, Lyku-Agbayani (2), Belizaire)
Starblaydia 1-0 Lykaia (Tumunzahar)
Beaneastan 0-4 Starblaydia (Belizaire, Tumunzahar, Matranga, Buathiang)
Starblaydia 3-1 EL CID THE HERO (Madray, Belizaire (2))
Bettia 0-3 Starblaydia (Lyku-Agbayani, Azanulbizarn)
Starblaydia 2-0 San Verdi (Caltabiano, Doukas)
Lykaia 1-2 Starblaydia (Matranga [2])

Nick Matranga's pair of goals, simplified as 'insert ball (a) into goal (b)' have sent Starblaydia to the 22nd World Cup, as well as marking the longest streak of games won by the Starblaydia senior national team and increasing the record of most Qualifying Games unbeaten streak to eighteen.

Rumours abound that Starblaydia will rest their first team for both of the next two games, playing 'the kids' and those unfortunate enough not to have many appearances for Starblaydia so far.

In related news (related to the title, at least): A big-budget Starblaydi version of the film 'Shichinin no samurai', from the unheard-of nation of 'Japan' is going into pre-production. Starring some of the great and the good of Starblaydi cinema, the story will focus on a group of Daii knights who come together to save a village from the threat of the Romanic Empire.

thsd:NEWS

Seven Is Enough, Eight Is Good Too

EIGHT out of eight, a qualification spot assured on Matchday Seven, and passage to Vilita/Legalese/Liverpool England*. Things are certainly looking up for the Caledonians! Now, eight wins in the qualifiers...all they need to do now is learn how to win at least one in the finals. Please, dear God, let them win one in the finals.

Krytenia - 3
Funny Looking Islands - 1

Legalese - 1
Krytenia - 2

Crystils clinch first place

The Crystilakere Crystils have clinched the first place spot in Region 2 by beating Raptor Claw. Going into the game Raptor Claw was the only team that could catch Crystilakere, and the Raptors would have to win each of their remaining games to do so. Crystilakere made sure that no one spoiled their perfect record and goals from Toader Poad and Filippo Ferraro secured the victory. Crystilakere are now well clear and can begin preparing for the world cup finals. There are not likely to be many changes in the lineup for the finals because of the horrible performance by the Junior Crystils in the under 21 tournament. Originally Crystilakere had planned on integrating some of the top performing Junior Crystils into the team the last few games of qualifying to see if they could cut it for the finals. But with no standout performances in the Under 21, many do not expect any of the youngsters to get a chance. Raptor Claw can clinch their place in the finals if they can win on Matchday 9, but if they lose and Haperd wins then it could be very close on the final matchday.

Funny Looking Islands Crash Out

The Colony of Funny Looking Islands lost to a good Svecia side 2-1 which in turn, made any dream of progression for the islanders impossible. Matamaticially eliminated, the Islanders have nothing to play for in there last two games now but pride. The Islanders will be hoping to win the last two games to achieve a degree of pride in finishing third.

In the game the Islanders went ahead on the 19th minute with a brillent strike from 23 yards from Lee Wilks(LW). The Islanders dreams of a miracle were crushed by a superior Svecia side as they won the match due to two well worked goals on he 39th and 81st minute.

Head Coach, John Burgandy, said after the game that everyone should except to hear more from the Islanders next year. Next years team is being looked at with a lot of hipe as it will see the progression of a lot of top young players as the Islanders finished 8th in the U-21 competition two years ago. Until then though, Islander fans must be satisfied with the up and coming domestic season.

Funny Looking Islands 1 Svecia 2Wilks 23 Player 39
Player 81

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/kylaai.jpgThe Reformed Islands of Kylaai

Goalkeeper: Mandoo Nania
Defenders: Lital Tirar, Hito Burrito, Vito Frito, Max
Midfielders: Rising Sun, Macala Moria, Tennence Fleiam, Norada-Fell
Attackers: Mazu Kazu, Vlanti Vimorta

Kylaai need more points


Kylaai were very excited for the new world cup to start. Kylaai in world cup 21 made the first time for the world cup final, and won their first game ever against Svecia. Since losing in the world cup final Kylaai looked forward to playing in qualifying world cup 22. Kylaai in qualifying has many ties, but still played in second place before matchday 8. On matchday 8 Kylaai played against Slaikau who were the team in place 3. Only the top two teams get to play in the world cup final 22 and Kylaai wants to be one of them. Mazu Kazu scored for Kylaai, but Slaikau score three goals and are the winner. With two game left in the qualifying Kylaai is 2 points behind of Slaikau who have second place. Kylaai must finish in second place to make the final of the world cup 22.

Kylaai scored a tie in the very first game of the qualifying agaisnt Davistand. Norada-Fell scored for Kylaai but Davistand is a new team and Kylaai should have won. The next day Kylaai played Gaian Asendancy and also scored a tie. The score of this game was 2-2 and Mazu Kazu and Max scored for Kylaai. Kylaai got to play Slaikau and beat them 2-1. It is too bad that Kylaai could not win again against Slaikau. Vlanti Vimorta scored both of the goals for Kylaai in that game. Kylaai beat Bestiville 2-1 to get another win which was very good and Norada-Fell and Vlanti Vimorta scored for Kylaai. Then Kylaai had to play Vilita and it was very tricky for them because Vilita is a good team. Vilita won with three goals and Kylaai lost for the first game. Rising Sun scored the first time in qualifying World Cup 22. Then Kylaai played Davistand again and this time Kylaai won. Mazu Kazu, Vlanti Vimorta and Norada-Fell scored goals for Kylaai 3-0. No team scores goals for Kylaai or Gaian Asendancy in a tie. Kylaai play Bestiville and Vilita in the final two games and hope that Slaikau will lose so Kylaai can be in the world cup final.




The image of Kylaai is gone that was made by Legalese how do it come back?

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png
football

Severe slip-up slani, say supporters

MOLELAND -- Nobody was happy at the conclusion of today's World Cup qualifier against Moleland, as it resulted in the Lions dropping two crucial points against a much inferior opponent. The Bedistani defense showed uncharacteristic signs of weakness, and the strike force appeared to be asleep. In fact it would be Rizh'peith K'druz'ba left winger Zack Martínez to score the only goal for the visitors in an embarrassing 1-1 draw. The only saving grace is the fact that Tadjikistan maintained its 100% record by defeating Giant Zucchini one-nil, actually extending our advantage slightly to three points instead of two.

Fans are hopeful that the Lions can bounce back from this mishap to produce a much better performance in the next crucial match against Giant Zucchini.

finalscore
Moleland 1 (Mole 74)
Bedistan 1 (Martínez 41)

currentstandings
GROUP THREE P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Tadjikistan 8 8 0 0 14 2 +12 24
Bedistan 8 5 2 1 21 5 +16 17
Giant Zucchini 8 4 2 2 16 8 +8 14
Kazakhstania 8 1 2 5 5 15 -10 5
Moleland 8 0 4 4 5 12 -7 4
Gregenburg 8 0 2 6 4 23 -19 2

Teams in green have qualified
Teams in red have been eliminated
Bedistan needs 4 points to secure qualification
THIRD PLACE P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Spurland 8 5 0 3 13 9 +4 15
Giant Zucchini 8 4 2 2 16 8 +8 14
Nova Britannicus 8 4 2 2 12 7 +5 14
Spaam 8 3 4 1 10 5 +5 13
Kylaai 8 3 4 1 12 11 +1 13*
Oceaice 8 4 1 3 11 11 0 13
Lykaia 8 3 3 2 13 9 +4 12
Anarquistan 8 4 0 4 12 11 +1 12
Sjwitz 8 3 2 3 12 10 +2 11
Legalese 8 3 2 3 11 11 0 11
Rittarstan 8 3 2 3 4 8 -4 11
Lethislavania 7 1 6 0 8 5 +3 9
Praying2God 8 2 3 3 12 10 +2 9
Kaze Progressa 8 2 2 4 9 9 0 8
Haperd 6 2 1 3 9 9 0 7*

* point total corrected from official tables assuming W-D-L records are correct

nextmatch
This is the match that will probably decide who goes to the World Cup and who goes back home - Giant Zucchini v Bedistan. If the Lions win, Bedistan is through. If Giant Zucchini wins by less than four, Bedistan holds second place on goal differential but has the bad luck of facing Tadjikistan on matchday 10 while the Zucchinis get an easier opponent. If GZ and Bedistan draw, the Lions hold the three-point and eight-GD lead, making it nigh on impossible (but not completely so) for Giant Zucchini to take second.

Cana City Press

Kodiaks Eliminated At Home

Chicanada 0 : Audioslavia 4

CANA - The Kodiaks can stop caring about another World Cup shot.

As NSWCXXII quickly turns back into NSWCXXI, the Kodiaks falter yet again at home and get slapped with a 4-0 loss to #5 Audioslavia - who got revenge for a 1-0 loss the Kodiaks handed them at home. The loss, coupled with Wella's 1-1 tie against TBF knocks the Kodiaks back out of the tournament and the loss slides them back to 4th place behind Rittarstan yet again.

Goalkeep Timonn Lisbon was benched after Audioslavia jimped to a 3-0 lead in the first half and the Ragin' Bulls never looked back, even after Forward Chinglin Erish scored a goal in the 49th minute for the Kodiaks.

Their fourth loss in the tourney ties them with last tourney in losses and many expect yet another loss to occur against a surprising Rittarstan squad. The Kodiaks do have a 3-0-1 records against them, but suffered a confusing 1-0 loss to them last week. The Kodiaks should end this run with a win against Black Yellow on Tuesday before packing up and waiting to see if they have been invited for the next Cup of Harmony, which CFF officials, as they prepare for the new year, have not admitted to yet if they would accept.

Chicanada Schedule
MD1: Wella (L 2-1)
MD2: The Belmore Family (W 2-1)
MD3: Audioslavia (W 1-0)
MD4: Rittarstan (L 1-0)
MD5: Black Yellow (W 4-0)
MD6: Wella (L 3-1)
MD7: The Belmore Family (T 0-0)
MD8: Audioslavia (L 4-0)
MD9: Rittarstan (Narobi Stadia, Mogada)
MD10: Black Yellow (away)

Harlesburg tie 2-2

The Daily Druid

WHAT'S GOING ON?
Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po is getting angry!

OK, there's two matches still to go, but now it has to be said. What the hell is going wrong with the Druida team? After starting off with a 100% record after four matchdays, we haven't won since. It's only a pure fluke that means that Spaam are still below us in the table!

Sarzonia are far enough ahead to be through already barring a freak set of results, which would include Druida winning both of their remaining games. As if that's going to happen! Look at the last four games. A draw in Spaam and losing to Sarzonia aren't exactly great results.

But losing 2-1 at home to Murflonia! That has just overtaken the embarrasement in Harlesburg four years ago as Druida's worst moment in the history of everything ever! At least we held a little respect for Harlesburg, I remember this publication predicting them to do well before World Cup 21 qualifying started. Murflonia! At The Hole! One of the fortresses of international football? Are you having a laugh?

Where has it all gone so wrong? Well, it pains me to say it, but it can't be the players. They're largely young, raring to go and emensely talented. No, as much as it pains me to say it, there's only one person to blame, and that's my old strike partner and personal friend Trevor Belmore.

Trevor, this is a personal plea from me, your old mate Liam. Step down. It is for the best. We've got loads of people who could take over. One of the McDonald brothers, Dan Northfleet, even "Elastic" Edwards could do a player manager job. He knows our boys better than anyone, he was even in the original Druida team way back at World Cup 18. Please, give us a chance. If we can overcome Spirit Nation and Spaam don't upset Sarzonia, we'll nearly be there. If not, then I don't want to be there for the reaction you're going to get.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Meanwhile...

Dave: "Right then boys, all the other kids have gone to the training ground, so we're going to have to get you on the minibus to get you there, OK?"

Todd and Alex: "OK."

- - - - - - - - -

Two hours later...

Todd: "Er... are we not at the training ground yet? Only we're getting a bit tired."

Dave: "Not really. Bit of a useless driver, you see."

Todd: "But you're driving?"

Dave: "Exactly."

Todd: "And why do we keep driving round and round the airport?"

Dave: "Do I? Oh, sorry, I didn't realise."

Todd: "Well, can we go back? We're starting to get a little tired. Alex is already asleep, and I'm heading the same way."

Dave: "OK. As long as I can stop off at the all night garage on the way..."

A zeppelin goes from Sike kali to Cockbill Street. On board is a passenger, who just lies in his cabin as if sleeping or paralyzed. He was brought to the cabin on a stretcher, by some men who advised the crew not to ask. A few hours before the zeppelin reached its destination Virmesbairn, the man opens his eyes, closes them and shakes his head and re-opens them. Having realized that it is not a dream, he starts slowly to look around without being able to make head or tails of the situation. e feels really strange,slightly dizzy and can not remember what happened last. He sees that on the bedside table next to him, a slightly dusty envelope is located. He opens it and sees a letter in it. The letter is handwritten and it appears that the writer has not much practice with the alphabet.


Hello Stone'he,

Thanks for everything you did for the Liside Hetaki. I now know that I followed a fake ideal and maybe you know it too. i now joined the temple of Karela because I realized that defense is supreme. The Liside Hetaki doesn't exist anymore, your former comrades are now members of the Liside Karela and they are more happy than before. I guess that you too feel the bliss of System Karela now.
The counter attack of the monks brought me and the rest of the Liside back to senses. We gave them our va'takil and cheered at their destruction, we go to the temple and worship Taderekansa and we support Priest Kaxada as head of state for lifetime.

If you feel that we are making sense, we welcome you in Sike, but until then, you can see the death of System Takil in your home country.

Greetings from Sike,
Xelsi!

Vikings lose at Eauz, Fmjphoenix eliminated from qualifying

In a third straight disappointing match, Fmjphoenix lost 2-0 to Eauz, eliminating the Vikings from any chance of qualifying for the next round. This has been an extremely disappointing run by Fmjphoenix. Fans looking to lay blame look at the fact that Eauz was placed into the group in place of Totally Useless Liars, moving Fmjphoenix from the second ranked team to the third ranked team in the group, therefore changing the balance in the group. It has been very disappointing and the fans are very dejected. If something good comes up, we will make sure to do something about it.

Stars close to punching ticket to Finals

Sarzonia's national football team has taken full advantage of being favoured in its group for the first time, moving within one point of clinching a spot in the World Cup Finals for the fourth consecutive time with back to back clean sheet wins over Nova Mercia and Murflonia.

"We're starting to round into a little bit of form now," Coach Dave Wilson said. "We played a thorough match against Nova Mercia to get a 4-0 decision and we had a bit more of a fight from Murflonia than we expected. We need to get at least one [standings] point against Spaam and we're going to want the full three," Wilson said.

While the Stars only need one point to clinch a spot in the Finals, Wilson said the Stars still are looking for a full three points to earn revenge for a 1-0 loss to Spaam at Hendrix Stadium in Woodstock. More than that, however, midfielder Darwin Russell pointed out that a win would clinch first place in the group no matter what Druida does.

"It's a matter of pride to say we won our group," Russell said. "The Junior Stars [under 21 national team] has done it in many of their cups, but we've never done it. It'd be great to hang our hats on that accomplishment."

Regardless of the outcome of the Spaam match or the Druida encounter, Wilson said the team would play its full 11 at Hendrix when Druida comes to town.

"It's the last match of qualifiers and our fans are going to want to see us go out on a high note," Wilson said. "I might give Harvey [Cooley, reserve goalkeeper] a chance to get some minutes, but I want us to go into the Finals on a high note and exceed what happened last time."

0-0? Good Result
Still In By Thy Fingernails
Sir Peter d'Gradburg, Ye Olde Pringting Press

A nil all draw, while verily is indeed a good result, is as boring as a privy’s contents. As such, we look now to thee Marmadukes chances of actually making thee finals and while they’re not guaranteed, we do, marry, have a shot.

To qualify the Liamist States need to win at least one of their last two matches. As luck would have it, we haveth drawn Nedalia and Abymalistan, two verily crappyass teams. So, thy Marmadukes should have no troubles racking up both wins, which makes life easier.

If the Lowland Clans win both their matches, as do our Marmadukes, and thee Marmadukes increase their GD by enough, we can qualify for thee finals.

If the Lowland Clans stumble in both matches, we can only hope that Nonesuch Street OR Spurland takes their place at the top, as there is no room for all three of us.

If thee Marmadukes fail to post two wins, and only bring home three or four points, verily, we will need some goddamn big upsets to still make it through, namely Nedalia and Abysmalistan win against Spurland and NSS and the Lowland Clans also win both games.

Good luck to thee Marmadukes.

As It Standeth
Qualifying
Win (2-0): Nonesuch Street (36), Nonesuch Street
Loss (3-4): Spurland (35), Fairbank
Loss (1-2): The Lowland Clans (17), The Lowland Clans
Win (2-0): Nedalia (94), Nedalia
Win (3-0): Abysmalistan (-), Trenport
Loss (0-1): Nonesuch Street (36), Adali
Win (2-0): Spurland (35), Spurland
Draw (0-0): The Lowland Clans (17), City de Liam
MD: Nedalia (94), Mayfair
MD: Abysmalistan (-), Away

Standings Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. The Lowland Clans 18 5 3 0 10:4 6
2. Nonesuch Street 16 5 1 2 12:5 7
3. Spurland 15 5 0 3 13:9 4
4. Liamist States 13 4 1 3 13:7 6
5. Nedalia 6 2 0 6 5:14 -9 E
6. Abysmalistan 1 0 1 7 1:15 -14 E

Matchday 9 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8795248&postcount=14) for your viewing (dis)pleasure.

Liamist States Press Release
Illario Forster, Media Dude

To: Nedalia FA

Thanks a lot, assholes. Cost us the World Cup because you have too much pride to kick an own goal. Great, now neither of us get to play!

We'll see you in the Cup of Harmony...or are you too crap for that too?

the abysmal times

coach crap attacks liamist states

"there is just one verily crapass team - and that is us! stop spreading the lie that there is a team as bad as we are!" said coach crap on a press conference referring to a report form the liamist states in this thread.
abysmalistan is currently being dead-last in the group, having unfortunately one point and one goal for, but all other records are abysmal as they can be. in this qualifying, it can not be denied, that all other teams of this group are not-as-bad and only two teams in the entire qualifying worse.

Vikings lose again, not much of a suprise this qualification

In the same fashion as before, the Fmjphoenix Vikings continued their downward spiral to their worst World Cup record ever with another loss, their third straight and second against Dance 2 Revolution. At least this one was closer than the previous, with the Vikings scoring 2 but conceding 3. Mike Nolan and Shelly Berry scored two late second half goals, but it wasnt enough as D2R put one more in past Powell Lamar. As of now, the Vikings are in 5th place. Not where you would expect the 30th ranked team in the world. Their last match is against Anarquistan. To avoid its worst qualification ever, the team needs two win one more. In any way, their run of 6 wins or more in qualification will end at 3. This has been a sad performence by an underachieving team.

Jeruselem Government News

Region 13 favourites keep on winning

It's a moot point reporting the results of Region 13 as we know who have qualified. For the record, they won again and Praying2God looked like bunch of has-beens.

Turori defeated P2G 1-0 to keep away Jeruselem from top spot. A close game, but we suspect Turori weren't playing their strongest team so hence the close scoreline. Jeruselem played a "reserve" team who disposed of Sacred Evil 2-0 and they rested their star players for the game against Turori. Bryn Shander won their game against Fimble loving peoples 1-0 and moved into 3rd pushing down P2G.

As for defense, Turori have conceded 2 goals in 9 games. That's 0.22 goals per game, truly impressive. Jeruselem conceded 7 goals, which is 0.78 goals per game which is actually better than normal in the World Cup for Jeruselem anyway.

Offense, the top 2 have scored 44 goals in 18 games between themselves. The other 4 teams have scored 30 goals in 36 games. It clear who have dominated.

Praying2God 0 Turori 1
Jeruselem 2 Sacred Evil 0
Bryn Shander 1 Fimble loving peoples 0


Region 13 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Turori 25 8 1 0 20:2 18
Q. Jeruselem 24 8 0 1 24:7 17
E. Bryn Shander 10 3 1 5 8:16 -8
E. Praying2God 9 2 3 4 12:11 1
E. Fimble loving peoples 6 1 3 5 8:20 -12
E. Sacred Evil 2 0 2 7 2:18 -16

Stars into tuneup mode, 2-0

Hendrix Stadium in Woodstock will be the scene for the first meaningless World Cup qualifying match the Sarzonian national team has ever played in its seventh qualifying season, as the Stars got two goals from the team's all-time leading goalscorer, forward Brian Wilson, and coasted to a 2-0 win over Spaam.

With Druida having clinched the second World Cup qualifying spot, the Stars (7-1-1, 22 points) will face the region's second place side with nothing at stake except momentum and perhaps a spot or two in the world rankings.

"It's going to be an unusual experience, that's for sure," Coach Dave Wilson said. "This will give us an opportunity to try a few people who haven't seen much of the field and it will allow us to use this last match as sort of a thank you to our supporters."

The team has announced that the match against Druida will be Fan Appreciation Day and that players will be available to sign autographs after the match. They're encouraging all fans to wear navy coloured clothing and bring large inflated noisemakers known as ThunderStix to the match.

"We want this to be a festive atmosphere," Dave Wilson said. "We're going to have to get right back to work when the World Cup finals begin in earnest so let's take some time to enjoy the moment while we can."

Dave Wilson said he will spend the match against Druida in the owner's box and watch the match with Incorporated Football Federation chairman Terry Mangione. Assistant Coach Chris Trautwig will serve as the field boss for the finale.

"We want him to have a little bit of experience without me getting suspended or a red card or anything," Dave Wilson said. "It'll be Trout's team tomorrow night at Hendrix."

Trautwig said he would sit defender Mike Coyle and give Taylor Williams a start in his spot. He also said Bronson Adelson would play defencive midfielder instead of John Benmont and "Dix" Porter would start for Bobby Convey at playmaking midfielder. Forwards Bruce Badger and Kenny Cooper would also get rare starts, spelling Brian Wilson and Barry Alphonso. However, goalkeeper Horace Sandt will start in net.

"We gave some thought to Horace sitting down for Harvey Cooley," Trautwig said. "But Sandt hasn't allowed a goal in 521 minutes and has five straight wins. It's going to be hard to take him out with those kind of numbers." Sandt's fifth consecutive clean sheet surpassed the record scoreless minutes streak once held by Sarzonian legend Troy Perkins.

"I just go in there to stop shots and win ballgames," Sandt said. "I don't think about those other things."

Almost complete

With just one more match to go the Tadjik Tigers have already qualified themselves trough a good qualification round. So the perfect result is almost complete, all we have to do is beat Bedistan. It wont be easy, but atleast we now know it isnt impossible.
Bedistan will be looking for a revenge and animals on the Tadjik bench, even with the Tadjik government and Tadjik National Football Federation denying they ever brought animals with them.
So far, none of the participating teams has been able to prove the presence of any animals in the stadium, as a matter of fact, no teams have filed a complaint so there's nothing to worry about.
Now lets cross our fingers and hope a frog turns up to swallow their goalkeeper.

The Daily Druid

TREVOR BELMORE: AN APOLOGY
Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po says sorry to his friend

I, Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po, former strike partner of Trevor Belmore for NEWI Cefn Druids and chief sports writer with the Daily Druid, would like to extend my most heartfelt apologies to said former strike partner and now national manager of Druida Trevor Belmore.

I said that he was past it as team manager, and should step down. Of course, I must now admit I was wrong. He has got Druida through to their fifth World Cup finals out of five attempts, and including his time as NEWI Cefn Druids' manager, has made his own fifth successive finals. His record speaks for itself. Though I did once get us to the AOCAF semi-finals, which isn't bad, eh?

How did they do it? An easy home win over the drunken ghosts of Spirit Nation, with Trevor Wilson, pitched into the starting line-up for the first time in place of Trevor Walker, being influential in everything Druida did, scoring one from twenty yards while laying the other off on a plate for Trefor Montenegro.

So no worries against Sarzonia. Maybe even a chance to give some of the other players, such as the Jones brothers, a chance. However, I wouldn't bet against seeing a full strength side as Druida prepare for their trip to... well, er, wherever it may be.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Meanwhile...

Dave: "You boys want anything while I'm gone?"

Todd: "Bottle of water?"

Dave: "Ok, it's on me. Sorry I've messer your day up."

Dave gets out of the minibus and into the all-night garage. A couple of minutes later, he comes back with two bottles of water for the boys and some crisps for himself.

Dave: "There you go, lads."

Todd: "Thanks."

Of course, the boys don't see it, but if you look closely enough through Dave's plastic bag, you can see what appears to be a packet of sleeping tablets. And, yes, the boys bottles have been opened. But they're far too tired to notice that.

Note: This comes from a Praying2God journalist who was not in the country at the time the described events took place in a release to the international press corps.


TIME FREEZE TAKES PLACE IN PRAYING2GOD

The long-rumored time freeze that was anticipated to happen in Praying2God sometime towards the end of WC XXII took place sooner that guestimates placed it. The national soccer team which was due to leave the country for their final WC XXII qualifying match in Fimble loving peoples was unable to escape the country before the freeze took place. Very few Praying2Godians were outside of the country at the time because of the national soccer team's recent three match homestand in WC XXII qualifying. Now that I have finished writing this, I am going to take my place with my people.

Player Profile: Horace Sandt

Going into World Cup XXI, the Sarzonian goalkeeper situation was in a bit of flux. Legendary keeper Troy Perkins abruptly announced his retirement just days before World Cup qualifying began, and when veteran backup John Benmont announced he too would step aside and young reserve Mark Tanner went down with a torn anterior cruciate ligament, the Stars were forced to turn to a player who hadn't played since the early days of the Under 21 programme.

Horace Sandt's introduction to international football came as the understudy of goalkeeper Mark Tanner's in U21 World Cup IV, and he had a disasterous outing in his first-ever postseason match, losing 4-2. He refused to answer questions posed by reporters, drawing a tongue lashing from then-Coach Terry Mangione.

Fast forward to today. Sandt is now solidly in place as the starting keeper for a surging Stars national team that has clinched a group championship for the first time ever. In addition, his streak of 521 consecutive scoreless minutes surpassed the 416 minute streak Perkins had that started during the third place match at the first AOCAF tournament and continued through the semifinals of the Baptism of Fire Cup. Add to that the first two World Cup finals wins -- on clean sheets -- in Sarzonian history and a Round of 16 match, and the Stars are looking at Sandt as a potential legend in his own right.

"I'm not worried about what the history books will say until I'm like 90 years old and I look back," Sandt said. "It comes with maturity. I'm trying to enjoy the moment and see where it takes us."

Sandt didn't enjoy much about his time as the second choice goalkeeper for a nascent Junior Stars team, watching his team score goals in bunches but concede far more than anyone felt comfortable with.

"It was just a rough situation for me and for the team," Sandt said. "I was just too upset when we lost to think straight. I overreacted."

"He had to learn how to handle adversity," Mangione said. "Now, he's arguably the most successful goalkeeper in Sarzonian history and he's got a bright future ahead of him."

"I was nervous when I had to start Sandt," Sarzonian senior national team coach Dave Wilson said. "But he's done such a great job, I don't even think Troy in his prime would have been able to get in the starting 11 with Sandt playing the way he is right now."

The Stars have allowed the fewest goals (one) of any World Cup qualifying side so far, with that only goal being an own goal in a 1-0 loss to Spaam at Hendrix Stadium in Woodstock. Besides that, Sandt's eight clean sheets is a new record for Sarzonian goalkeepers in a World Cup qualifying effort. Just don't ask Sandt to gloat about it.

"Records are nice, but they're made to be broken," he said. "The only record I'm interested in is being on the first Sarzonian team to win a World Cup trophy."

Embarrassing match against rival

The Orange-Blues conceded once against the Progressans from Kaze Progressa. The former fan friendship is rather nonexisting now. The Progressans start to care less and less about the best thing in life (soccer) and the rejistanian fans are rather disgusted by the all-out-attack of the Progressans. The Progressans are not really enlightened and still use extreme tactics like 4-4-2.

Unfortunately, it seemed that the gods were against us when a misunderstanding in the rejistanian defense brought the Progressans ahead in the 20th minute. Coach Siki Rej was angry, he kept shouting at the team and especially Haxa I Sira, apparently forgetting that I Sira is deaf. The karelan play did pay off later when Syku Hanmatu equalized from a free kick, and when Jiujia Makae brought the Team ahead in a counter-attack. Maybe because they were out of the reach of the va'karela'ny at home or because a rest of the fmjphoenixian program is still in Hexatux's code, the Orange-Blues did not pull back and only concentrate on defense. In the 85th minute, the Orange-Blues had another chance for a counter attack and again Makae'he scored. The match ended 3:1 for the Orange-Blues and qualification celebrations started in entire Rejistania.

Coach Siki Rej said to reporters in the press conference that he really dislikes the fact that the Orange-Blues conceded despite their defense. "The fact that the team won and qualified however is a positive ending..." Sources near to the new government told the the KaMaRi Update that Siki Rej 'had to talk to the monks after the press conference'.

The Columbia Times
September 19, 2073

Problems at Ministry of Communications

Columbia, Fed. Dist. - The Bedistan Ministry of Communications released a statement to the press earlier this afternoon reporting that they were having significant problems with respect to the operation of their primary international communications apparatus. This apparatus, known only by the acronym DSL, has reportedly been out of commission for approximately thirty hours as of this writing and is likely to remain so for an additional 36-48 hours. Bedistani citizens are reportedly "furious" about the situation, but there is presently very little they can do about it.

The government has denied that the outage has anything to do with the Bedistan national football team's recent 4-0 thrashing of Giant Zucchini, which had the effect of allowing the Lions to qualify for the World Cup for the seventeenth time in eighteen attempts as well as the eleventh consecutive time.

~ Mixed road ~


Region 11 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Vilita 25 8 1 0 24:4 20
2. Kylaai 15 4 3 2 15:12 3
3. Slaikau 14 4 2 3 15:7 8
4. Gaian Ascendancy 14 3 5 1 12:7 5
E. Davistand 4 1 1 7 5:24 -19
E. Bestiville 3 1 0 8 5:22 -17


GANN Sports Desk: ~ It simply comes down to it. Win and some help, and the Gaians are in. Win and no help, and it's CoH land. Either way it'll be a brutal final day as the Gaians head into Bestiville to an uncertain result, though not neccessarily against Bestiville.

"We beat them 3-1 on MD5, so that shouldn't be the problem. The problem is if they can score enough, with only a match point and three goals behind, if the Gaians can catch the winds of luck, though only a 1-0 win verses Davistand today isn't enough.

..so saying, MD10 is going to be hell on earth for Bestiville. This we swear, since we agreed that we can never give up. Not for our fans, and not for ourselves, no matter how bleak things may be." ..Coach Kerensky put, speaking for the determination of the Seraphims.

Vilita proved a foe too much for the situation, though losing 3-2 still showed the Gaian's resolve. Their victory over Davistand was a serious morale boost, with the final match looming. It's hoped that this will be what the squad needs.

"Walking a the fine line. Gotta love it." Sean Masaki commented, the only goal in the last match for the Seraphims. "...but I'd would have liked to have won more before now. Draws really 'do' suck."

Scott Yeh meanwhile continues to show better form, with a poor showing due to nerves against Vilita, he seriously made up for it by constantly attacking rh ball whenever a Davistand player got near him with the ball. "I let my fellow souls down against Vil. Today I felt better.

...hopefully tomorrow it'll feel even moreso."

And for the whole beans, now comes the last day with three squads after one spot. Let the furball commence.

Matchday 10 (and for Group 15, MD 1, 3 and 5 for four teams) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8801728&postcount=15) is now up.

Congratulations to Krytenia and Tadjikistan for making it through by winning all; commiserations to Starblaydia for drawing on the last day to end 9-1-0.

Group Draw will take place today at 1130 GMT (1230 London, 1330 Central Europe, 0430 Pacific Time, 0730 Eastern, 1930 HKST) in #sport.

Commerce Heights Chronicle™—It’s not so cheap overseas, but we don’t plagiarize!*

World Cup™†: Capitalizts close in on qualification
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CT‡—Today, the Commerce Heights Capitalizts trashed Pacitalia 5–0, continuing their no-win run in this qualifying campaign (we can only hope they’ll have a similar experience at the Timiocato Olympics!). The win gave the Capitalizts a 3 point lead over Sjwitz, the only other team still able to qualify. In the next and final round of qualifying, Commerce Heights will travel to One Red Dot, to whom™ they suffered an embarrassing 0–3 home loss. Sjwitz will have a much easier time, playing Pacitalia (who [not to be confused with whom™], as we mentioned, slani), who (see above) they beat 3–0 at home. According to our expert analysis from Capitalizts assistant coach, drunken fool, and the State CEO Matthew Sparks, the most likely MD10 result is a Capitalizt loss and a Consonants win. Should this happen, Commerce Heights and Sjwitz will be tied for a qualifying spot on points, leaving goal differential as the deciding factor. Currently, the Capitalizts lead in goal differential, with a +5 rating (13:8) compared to Sjwitz’s +2 (13:11) (don’t ask us what these numbers mean, though our expert analyzer, Capitalizts assistant coach, druken fool, and State CEO could probably tell you). We’re not sure yet (our expert analyzer, et cetera is not infallible!), but we think this means that for the Capitalizts to win the tie, either an improbable result must occur, or either the Capitalizts, Consonants, or both must play like cowardly Rejistanians. We’re hoping for the former!

*Bed. patent 8 603 852, owned by Aeropag Tribune Media Corporation and licensed to Commerce Heights Media International, Inc. (a PariMedia subsidiary). Patents pending in other nations that still have such backward concepts. Neither CHMI nor PariMedia guarantees that the content of this publication, nor any portion thereof, is not plagiarized.
†Bed. patent 9 104 531, owned by Aeropag Tribune Media Corporation and licensed to Commerce Heights Media International, Inc. (a PariMedia subsidiary). Patents pending in other nations that still have such backward concepts. Neither CHMI nor PariMedia guarantees that the content of this article, nor any portion thereof, is related to the World Cup™.
‡Bed. patent 8 610 458, owned by Aeropag Tribune Media Corporation and licensed to Commerce Heights Media International, Inc. (a PariMedia subsidiary). Patents pending in other nations that still have such backward concepts. Neither CHMI nor PariMedia guarantees that the content of this article, nor any portion thereof, is related to the stated city.
Commerce Heights Chronicle is a trademark of Commerce Heights Media International, Inc. World Cup is a trademark of the World Cup Committee. “Whom” is a trademark of the Liamist States. All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners.

Group matches will kick-off after rankings have been released, which will be quite a while due to Bedistan's inavailability.

Group Draw (No host will scorinate groups they are in.)
Group 1: Played in Liverpool England
Audioslavia
Crystilakere
Oaker
Wella

Group 2: Played in Liverpool England
Rejistania
Dance 2 Revolution
One Red Dot
Gaian Ascendancy

Group 3: Played in Legalese (scorination: LE)
Legalese [cohost]
Sarzonia
Commerce Heights
Hiiraan

Group 4: Played in Legalese
Cockbill Street
Squornshelous
Druida
Jeruselem

Group 5: Played in Vilita
Bedistan
Turori
Tadjikistan
Spurland

Group 6: Played in Liverpool England
Total n Utter Insanity
Svecia
Starblaydia
Krytenia

Group 7: Played in Liverpool England (Scorinated by Vil)
Liverpool England [cohost]
Eauz
The Lowland Clans
Raptor Claw

Group 8: Played in Vilita (Scorinated by LE/Legal)
Vilita [cohost]
EL CID THE HERO
Lovisa
Five Civilized Nations

Jeruselem Government News

Group stage for World Cup XXII is out

Match day 10 - Jeruselem lost to Turori 2-1 so basically nothing changed as Turori finished top with Jeruselem 2nd. 3rd place was taken by Bryn Shander who was 11 points behind Jeruselem in the end and didn't qualify of course.

Jeruselem were placed in Group 4 with some familiar faces. The games will be played in Legalese.

Cockbill Street - Finished 1st in Region 15 (7-1-2)
Squornshelous - Finished 1st in Region 6 (6-3-1)
Druida - Finished 2nd in Region 8 (5-2-3)
Jeruselem - Finished 2nd in Region 13 (8-0-2)

Using the qualifiers, Jeruselem are not looking too bad as their losses were Turori and not anyone else.


Region 13 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Turori 28 9 1 0 22:3 19
Q. Jeruselem 24 8 0 2 25:9 16
3. Bryn Shander 13 4 1 5 10:16 -6
4. Praying2God 12 3 3 4 14:12 2
5. Fimble loving peoples 6 1 3 6 9:22 -13
6. Sacred Evil 2 0 2 8 2:20 -18

Stars put finishing touches on Druida

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- A vastly different Sarzonian national team took to the field at sold out Hendrix Stadium in the nation's capital to celebrate the team's first-ever World Cup qualifying group title and to see the team off to the World Cup Finals. Assistant Coach Chris Trautwig played a lineup with five different starters, but goalkeeper Horace Sandt maintained his streak of clean sheets, leading the way to a 2-0 win that made the Stars' case for one of the most dominating performances in World Cup qualifying.

"This was a celebration more than a football game," Trautwig said. "[Coach Dave Wilson] wanted to rest a few guys and wanted to give me a chance to run the team for a game when nothing was at stake but pride. We look like we're rounding into form at the right time."

Reserve striker Kenny Cooper, getting the start in this World Cup qualifying finale, scored both goals as he was set up by another reserve, midfielder "Dix" Porter. Sandt made four saves as Trautwig and Wilson resisted temptation to give reserve goalkeeper Harvey Cooley the start. Trautwig said Cooley would have played if Sandt had conceded a goal.

"It's not a knock on Horace in any way. In fact, our playing him is a testament to how well he's done this Cup."

After the match, the Stars found out they would be travelling to Legalese to play in a group with tri-hosts Legalese, coached by former Stars assistant Barry Owens. Longtime rivals Commerce Heights and perennial loudmouths Hiiraan make up the rest of Group 3 in the World Cup Finals. Wilson said the draw was "a challenge, but not impossible."

"We could do anything, from go 3-0 and dominate the group to go 0-3 and make the quick trip back home," Wilson said. "Legalese is going to be tough because we're familiar with them and with Barry coaching them up, they're going to be especially familiar with us.

"Commerce Heights has been tough; we've never beaten them in a match, but we've had a couple of draws. That will also be a rivalry match for us, though probably not as intense as the match against Legalese because we haven't faced the CapitaliZts in a while.

"Hiiraan has been one of the brashest teams in World Cup history in recent years, although their media has been strangely silent this time. They qualified, so they're going to be tough."

For their part, the Stars aren't going to worry about the Finals until they've had a chance to try out the stadium.

"This is when the work begins, but we're still going to take some time to savor what we did in qualifying," Sandt said.

The Daily Druid

FAMILIAR FOES IN GROUP FOUR
Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po celebrates.

After making it out alive from qualifying, the Druida Rainbows have earned themselves a trip to Legalese. Well, as much as you can earn a trip to Legalese. Isn't that what old women in bingo halls win for getting the four corners of the card or something?

Anyway, that's where we've been sent to to play a few football games. Luckily, we've got a bit of history between the Druidish Lands and or opponents.

Cockbill Street

Past encounters:

IRC Cockbill Street 3-1 NEWI Cefn Druids
Eagle's Cup III Cockbill Street 1-1 NEWI Cefn Druids
Eagle's Cup III NEWI Cefn Druids 4-1 Cockbill Street
WC18 Qual. Cockbill Street 2-2 Druida
WC18 Qual. Druida 0-2 Cockbill Street

Despite what the results say on the whole, Cockbill Street have often seemed to bring relative good fortune to Druids down the years, from the 4-1 thrashing handed out in The Eagles Nest to the Streeters missing out on World Cup 18 to newbs Druida. Of course, both sides have improved greatly since then. I think that we might just beat them, but while we might wim the battle, the Street will win the war. Are we tipping them to win the whole shebang? Well, they should go close...


Squornshelous

Past encounters:

WC11 Qual. Squornshelous 2-0 NEWI Cefn Druids
WC11 Qual. NEWI Cefn Druids 0-0 Squornshelous
WC19 Qual. Squornshelous 3-1 Druida
WC19 Qual. Druida 2-1 Squornshelous
WC19 Squornshelous 1-1 Druida
Jurassic Inv. Squornshelous 3-0 Druida

While seeing Cockbill Street on a fixture list seems good for Druidans, seeing Squornshelous has hte opposite effect. It may have something to do wit hthe fact that the first result on the list above was also the first ever international involving a team from the Druidish Lands. Since then, we've beaten them once, and that was in a meaningless end of qualifying game. A defeat here seems inevitable.


Jeruselem

Past encounters:

Eagle's Cup I Jeruselem 0-0 NEWI Cefn Druids (NCD won 3-2 on penalties)
CoH6 Jeruselem 0-0 NEWI Cefn Druids
WC19 Jeruselem 0-1 Druida
Jurassic Inv. Jeruselem 1-2 Druida

The Druid record against Jeruselem isn't all that bad. However, whenever the two sides meet, it always seems to produce some of the dullest fooball ever seen. Expect another draw here.

Would a record of 1-1-1 get us through? I very much doubt it. Two wins is the absolute minimum Druida shoud be looking for in this group to get through, but the odds are hugely stacked against it.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Meanwhile...

Dave, on phone: "They're asleep in the back, and we're about to get on the plane."

Nikola: "Good job. We'll have them on our game in plenty of time for the start of the cup."

Dave: "See you in a few hours!"

Dave puts his phone in his pocket, only for it to start ringing again. He gets it out to see that it is that helper guy from Druida. 'Why would I want to talk to him?' Dave thought. 'They aren't paying me anywhere near enough.'

And so the two sleeping boys were loaded onto the plane, and they set of for Starblaydia.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Meanwhile, in Neodzki...

New Europan Druidan #1: "Il krumpe contago!"

New Europan Druidan #2: "Mmmmm, que?"

New Europan Druidan #1: "Liam Gessemschmitthaagen Po waffle!" *points to the sky*

New Europan Druidans #1 & #2: "Waaaaaaaaaaah!"