NationStates Jolt Archive

Vikings catch up to Iansisle in points with strong victory over Bryn Shander

Powell Lamar let one go early as Bryn Shander took an early 1-0 lead. After that one passed, he never let one by. Once Lamar was on, the rest of the team clicked and the Vikings rolled over Bryn Shander 4-1 in a very resounding match and evened up points with Iansisle who had a bye.

Laharl Pucelle was the lone striker for Bryn Shander who scored, earning a goal at the 12th minute and gave Bryn Shander its only lead in the match. Pucelle had to work for it though, going through Jason Mitchell, Quinten Bell, and Bobby Bash before he had a clean shot on Lamar that sailed over his head. It was well earned and brought the crowd in Bryn Shander to their feet. But it did not last for that long. 8 minutes later, Jorge Mendel passed up to Larry Brown, who put their first goal past Berlin Castlerock to tie it up 1 all. The Bryn Shander side worked hard to keep the score like that and succeeded for 15 minutes. After a clearence by Lamar, the Vikings went on the attack. Tra Miranda passed up to Carlos Santos, who juked out Ichiro Narusegawa, who passed up to Brown, who crossed and gave the ball to Mendel, who scored his first goal of the match to put Fmjphoenix up 2-1. After the goal, Coach Wash has his team just play back and preserve the lead and the teams broke the first half with Fmjphoenix up 2-1 and their starting eleven refreshed because of resting them for the final 12 minutes of the half.

The teams came back from intermission and the Vikings went straight on the attack, getting a strike within the first 10 minutes from Mike Nolan after a marveous move that left defender Amuro Maehara shocked and on the ground. Fmjphoenix was up 3-1 and in firm control of the match. Coach Wash changed strategies midway through the second half, deciding to go conservitive and kept the ball on their side of the pitch for 15 minutes. Bryn Shander could not get the ball away from the Viking defenders and midfielders as they passed back and forth between each other. It wasn't until the 73rd minute that Bryn Shander managed an attempt, but it was swallowed up easily by Lamar. After he cleared it, he threw the ball deep to midfield to a wide open Devin McBall. He and Nolan started upwards, being followed closely by midfielder Alaron Stormbringer. Stormbringer challenged McBall with a slide, but he alertedly passed to Nolan, who had a wide open shot against Castlerock, but Kentaro Sakaki came from nowhere and kicked Nolan hard in the knee, earning a red card for his action. Nolan took the penelty shot before departing the match, making the score 4-1 and left to cheers from the Fmjphoenix fans in attendence. Wash played his reserves for the remainder of the match, giving Brian Boyd an extended look at goalkeeper as him and his staff are in the process of changing the squad. Bryn Shander took 3 attempts, but all three were deflected, the last right to Aaron Chapman to end the match. With the 4-1 victory, the Vikings earned another 3 points and moved closer to qualifications. Man of the match wne to Nolan for his two goals.

Fmjphoenix is tied with Iansisle for second place in the group, both teams sitting on 15 points. Squornshelous still sits in the top spot, undefeated with 23 points earned. Next up for the Vikings is Nifty Nick at home. The Vikings defeated Nifty Nick 4-1 on their turf last time, and Coach Wash is hoping his team can produce the same result at home. Coach Wash will be using his starting eleven from the beginning of the match, looking to give Esteban Zeus some more chances to score and thus help Fmjphoenix score more.

Fmjphoenix: 4
(Brown 20, Mendel 36, Nolan 54, 74)

Bryn Shander: 1
(Pucelle 12)

Fmjphoenix Qualification Run:
MD01: --Bye--
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Five Civilized Nations Draw 2-2
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Bryn Shander Win 1-0
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Nifty Nick Win 4-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ The Belmore Family Draw 2-2
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Squornshelous Lose 1-3
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Iansisle Draw 1-1
MD08: --Bye--
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Five Civilized Nations Win 1-0
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Bryn Shander Win 4-1
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Nifty Nick
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs The Belmore Family
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Squornshelous
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Iansisle
Record: 4-3-1

The scene cuts to Lenny and Earl, two paperpushers for a law firm in Legalese City, grabbing a coffee before work.

Lenny: Hey Earl, hear about the game last night? We got a 3-1 win in Murflonia.

Earl: Yeah, I heard about it. That new lineup's looking good, eh? Gotta love that kid Vasquez up at center mid. He just controls the field.

Lenny: Righto. Jonny Lambert hasn't lost his touch either, now that you mention it. Two goals last nite, two!

Earl: He's been around longer than Legalese, that guy there *both laugh*

Lenny: It's just too bad we haven't picked up anything on the other sides. Sarzonia and Crystilakere both won too.

Earl: It's alright, man. We know what it will come down to here anyways. It's gonna be those last three matches. Hell, I could see the match with The Lowland Clans deciding who goes to the playoff, and who stays home. We are only one point back of them, after all.

Lenny: Earl, when you know it, you know it, dude. Let's get to the office.

Joseuf sat in the locker room after a 3 – 0 victory over Gibberovia, but neither him, nor his team was excited by the victory. The atmosphere was quiet as the night. No real reason though that it was quiet, as his team was doing pretty good, and no deaths this time. There was no real reason to get excited, as it appeared that most of the teams they are playing, really aren’t putting much effort into the qualifying round. A report from a few of the teams left for Eauz to play, said that they would be sending out bench players to play the next matches. “Where is the competition?” said Eauz captain, Alia. “It’s as if no one cares about the qualifying round anymore.” And it’s not just the teams, the fans don’t seem to be as interested either. The largest crowed outside of Eauz, Les Bleus have played in front of, has been 8000 in Sjwitz. In Zuka, the largest crowd is even worse, at 2000 people, for TEN/Eauz match. Though, part of the problem, is that many youth come out to watch football matches, but at this period in Eauz, the mid-term period occurs.

Nonetheless, Les Bleus have another few weeks off before their next match, which will be played in Commerce Heights. Joseuf hopes to get his team back into spirit to play the last few matches. They do have The Eagles Nest on the last match day, where they could get some payback.

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png
football

bedistan plays marligantis

MARLIGANTIS -- Bedistan played Marligantis today. Bedistan defeated Marligantis. Bedistan won by a score of 2-0. Bedistan scored a goal in the 32nd minute. Bedistan scored another goal in the 70th minute. Vanessa Carpenter scored the first goal. Alejandro Vantrease scored the second goal. Bedistan's match against Marligantis was a friendly. Bedistan's match against Marligantis will not count in the Group 8 standings.

finalscore
Marligantis 0
Bedistan 2 (Carpenter 32, Vantrease 70)

currentstandings
Group 8 P W D L GF-GAPts
Bedistan 7 6 0 1 11-3 18
Liverpool England 6 4 1 1 11-4 13
The Weegies 7 2 3 2 9-9 9
South Osettia 8 2 2 4 8-12 8
Kaze Progressa 6 1 3 2 10-10 6
Oliverry 8 1 1 6 5-16 4Bedistan has secured a playoff slot, and needs just one point to ensure qualification. Oliverry has been eliminated.

nextmatch
The next match is another friendly, to be played against Hockey Canada. Bedistan was originally scheduled to have a bye next month.

-----

Sam Bacon put down the newspaper angrily. "This is it? The Bedistan Sports Digest, the most prestigious publication in all ****ing Terranordalis, can only come up with that? Are our exploits really that boring?"

His assistant nodded. "Yes, actually, they are."

"Then what are we going to do about it? If this keeps up, not only will our national team go unnoticed, the BFL and BPL will collapse due to a complete lack of interest. Then where will we be?"

"Will be between Commerce Heights and Imminent Implosion," added vice-president Omario Gestio helpfully, referring to Bedistan's geographical location.

"Just be quiet. Anyway, Rita, how can we start drumming up interest again?"

"Start playing like a top-20 football team? Not to mention top ten."

"The players don't have the inspiration for that because of the waning fan support. How would you feel if you were playing a home match in the relatively large Holmes Stadium against someone like Liverpool England and find the place only 22% full? Ten years ago, that would've been a sellout fifteen minutes after the ticket windows opened!"

"Maybe we should just wait it out."

"We've been waiting it out through all of qualifying and beyond, Rita. It's time to take action. We've got to ask the fans what's wrong so we know what to correct."

*Ascendancy Homeworld ; 2314 Local-System Time*

GANN News Desk: ~ We are sorry to have not reported so long, but we are still under a goverment sponsored news restriction, due to the events taking place on six of our colony worlds, as the Clan Snow Raven situiation still has yet to resolve itself. We cannot garrantuee that we will even be able to keep sending out reports, as the Ascendancy still is imposed to restrict information that may aid the Clan forces opposing us.

However we do note that the Ascendancy national team is still in competition play, losing the game yesterday to Vilitan 3 - 1, and today a victory against the friendly replacement match with the Vilita U20 team 3 - 0, replacing the Pimento national team that has recently withdrawn.

However at the present time, we cannot give more detail on how often we will be able to transmit boradcasts outside the Republic, and warn long blackouts may be inevitable for the short term.

We will try with Council permission to bring reports where we can, but still as of now, again, we are under an information restriction for outside the Republic worlds.

We appologize for any inconveinence this causes, and we promise this is a temporary measure.

*End Transmission ; 2325 Local-System Time* (repeated every half hour)

---

((I decided to link this rp section to the Trial of Absorption thread. Might make my posts a tad more interesting. =^^= ))

The Daily Druid

GREAVES LEAVES
Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po reports.

With the Druida Rainbows having a bit of time off from the rollercoaster ride that is World Cup qualifying, the big sports story in the country has been the will he/won't he saga of Simon Greaves' move to help Steven Schmidt in coaching Sjwitz. If he did so, he would be only the second coach from the Druidish Lands to work abroad. (The other, Trevor Trevor, had just one game in charge of Cockbill Street.)

Well, the whole episode should hopefully be coming to an end soon. Greaves, after being seen talking with Schmidt before their draw with Slaikau, refused to comment on the situation to the waiting press after the game. This gave the impression that something was wrong, but he has told the Daily Druid that nothing could have been further from the truth.

"The reason I didn't say anything was because I wasn't anything to do with the side at the time," he told us. "The press conference was about the game, it was nothing to do with me. However, I've discussed it with Steven, he's keen on the idea, so are the the Sjwitz FA, so let's see what we can do together."

Greaves has a reasonable track record. He was joint manager of NEWI Cefn Druids through World Cups 16 and 17 with Trevor Kallins, before Kallins moved to the newly formed state of Druida. Greaves then took total control, but his poor defensive tactics without Kallins put paid to any long-standing ambition there, even after appointing defensive coach Amos "No" Hinton.

However, it is in the ultra-attacking world of Under-21 football where Greaves has made his mark, doing behind the scenes work on many a surprise run in the U21WC before actually winning it. In doing so, he proved that his defensive awareness had improved greatly by holding Rejistania 1-0 in the final. But what about Schmidt? Will the two hit it off? Indeed, is Greaves there to line himself up as Schmidt's successor?

"Of course not!" he laughed. "Don't be so absurd. I just saw their plight, and know how it feels. This is only a short term thing to begin with. If it fails, then I guess I'll probably retire. If it works, then who knows how long we'll last together? One thing's for sure, if Steven goes, I go."

Meanwhile, news was not good for Rainbows fans, as Oddslavo thrashed Ratvipa 6-0, putting them a point ahead with almost as good goal difference. However, as the top three all play each other in the last three matchdays, it is all still to play for!

AG: This is Anna Goldstein for Jeruselem Sports News and with me is David Becks, former World Cup coach and our analyst.
DB: Welcome viewers. It's a good day for Jeruselem soccer.

AG: Looks like we won a critical game David.
DB: Yes, we beat Antaeus Rising 2-1 and moved to second in Group 1. One Red Dot did have the bye though.

AG: Any comments on the game.
DB: It was a tough one as Antaeus is very unpredictable and capable of beating anyone as they did to El Cid. Sheik Disco Dencir did the job and stopped the Antaeus attack. Here's the highlights

<Jeruselem striker shoots at goal, keeper defects it. Jeruselem fans moan>
<Young Jeruselem defender accidentally trips over an AR striker>
<AR striker puts home a penalty past Adrian Moel, AR fans cheer>
<Jeruselem midfielder takes corner and striker heads ball under keeper. Jeruselem fans cheer>
<AR defender passes ball to teammate who falls over and ball goes to Jeruselem midfielder. Midfielder shoots past keeper, Jeruselem fans celebrate>

AG: That was a good game. We hope our form continues. One loss is not bad.
DB: Yes, One loss in 9 games isn't bad but El Cid is still the best in Group 1.

AG: Speaking of El Cid, Krazie got the shakes?
DB: Five nil win to El Cid. Absolute thrashing and El Cid will finish first. They are a class team indeed.

AG: Lykaia choked today?
DB: One all draw with Danieljoh. Lykaia needed to win this one and Danieljoh did a good job for the point as the Lykaians hammered Antaeus last game.

AG: Danieljoh got their first point but all too late now.
DB: Playing for pride is nothing to be ashamed of. Best to be trying than not.

AG: The dots are back next match day.
DB: Yes, and they'll be hungry for a win to secure their position. We still have a close competition here. Five more match days and anything can happen.

AG: We now shift programming to Inquisition Jerusalem. God bless all you out there.

Group 1
Krazie - EL CID THE HERO 0-5
Antaeus Rising - Jeruselem 1-2
Danieljoh - Lykaia 1-1


Group 1 P W D L GF-GAPts
EL CID THE HERO 9 7 0 2 21-6 21
Jeruselem 8 5 2 1 14-9 17
One Red Dot 8 4 2 2 12-7 14
Lykaia 8 3 3 2 14-9 12
Antaeus Rising 9 3 2 4 12-14 11
Krazie 9 2 2 5 12-27 8
Danieljoh 9 0 1 8 6-19 1

SONARON 3, SONOFABITCHES 0
Heaviest defeat in sixty-four years sees mass over-haul of 'slave team

Audioslavia manager Didi Romanov has refused to talk to any press after Audioslavia were butt-fucked 3-0 by bottom-side Sonaron yesterday.

The 'slaves stuck to the formation which had seen them scrape through games against the likes of high-flying 'Funny Looking Islands' (96th in the world) and Oceaice (51st) as well as getting a credible draw with the scintillating Kylaai team, currently ranked at an all-time high 36th. Given these frightening statistics, i suppose you could forgive Audioslavia for getting beat by Sonaron, after all, they are ranked as high as 127th in the world rankings.

However, the problem with the 'slaves team lies not in the formation - hell they could play 4-4-2, 5-3-2 or 5-0-5 and they would still have been thrashed over the park on Saturday - it lies in the players. McLlroy and Dannes have partnered each other up front for the 'slaves since world cup 18. Jansen has been required to kick off the counter-attacks since WC17. Andersson has been in goal for the same amount of time, whilst Greigs Johnstone and Oran Crevan have been plying their trade for well over a decade now, the latter couldn't even get into the side at his peak.

Something needs to be done, and to be fair to Didi Romanov, he seems to be doing it. Cornellby City striker Pierre Cesare and winger Kelly Torrini have been called up to train with the national side, as has Caylderden City full back Derry Colgan and his team-mate Gabe Celta. Machinegrad's defensive midfielder Jack Battle has also been drafted into the side.

With these arrivals, there has to be departures, and most noticeable of these is Oliver Dannes. Sturmlaufer is also gone, as well as goalkeeper Auden Dracon.

As for the Sonaron match itself, the 'slaves were quite simply inept. Robertson scored two goals before the 'slaves got going at all and Bram's excellent finish just after half time kissed goodnight to the 'slave side. An excellent performance by Sonaron, a not-so good performance by the world number 1s.

So, what sort of predicament does this result put the 'slaves in for the next set of matches?...
Group 4 P W D L GF-GAPts
Nova Britannicus 8 5 2 1 15-3 17
Audioslavia 9 5 1 3 14-11 16
--------------------------------------------
Kylaai 8 4 3 1 15-7 15
--------------------------------------------
Haperd 8 4 1 3 9-8 13
Oceaice 9 4 0 5 12-15 12
Funny Looking Islands 9 2 1 6 5-15 7
Sonaron 9 2 0 7 5-16 6

Nova Brittanicus Vs Oceaice
Kylaai Vs Funny Looking Islands
Haperd Vs Sonaron
...not a very good predicament, thats what. The 'slaves aren't playing, and so the teams around them can make up that game in hand. Haperd and Kylaai have home games against the bottom two sides, and should they both win then the 'slaves would be in third or fourth place (possibly joint fifth with Oceaice should they beat Nova Brittanicus) with just three games to go. From there, three wins aren't just necessary but essential.

Hopefully however, with Romanov's new-ish-look side, the 'slaves can rekindle the magic that saw them play such brilliant football in the last world cup. Hopefully.

G'nite bitches.

Scrappy Tie Ends in Zucchinis Upsetting Tigers

Perles' late header gave Giant Zucchini a shock win against Tadjikistan and gave the Zucchinis some hope of qualifying for the World Cup.

Badenfauer had headed the Zucchinis into a deserved lead after 38 minutes, only for Koshevoi's near-post flick to level the score in first-half stoppage time.

Tigers keeper Alekseev hacked Badenfauer' close-range effort off the line during the second half and, just as the tie looked to set for a replay, Perles popped up in the six-yard box to meet a corner and head the Zucchinis into the last eight.

Almost 12 minutes had elapsed before the first real chance of the match. The ball was swung into the Tadjikistan box from the left, Perles flicked it on and had Madorna made decent contact, the visitors could have been ahead.

They almost paid for not clearing their lines when Sarnos flashed a half-volley across goal following a neat exchange with Berisi on the edge of the penalty area.

Finally, the home supporters had something to get excited about after 32 minutes. Denisenko send a long ball up the field, which found Zaev in a central position just outside the Giant Zucchini box.

He struck it well first time, and Oshin produced a decent one-handed save to keep the scores level.

It was Giant Zucchini, though, who took the lead on 38 minutes. Sharleston sent a deep free-kick into the Tadjikistan area. Yusebo and Oborin jumped for it, but got nowhere near the ball, and Badenfauer nipped in at the far post to head past Alekseev.

Tadjikistan tried to up the tempo of their game after going behind, but despite some more positive approach play, the hosts still lacked ideas in the final third.

Then, in first-half stoppage time, the Tigers were level. Krivoshein found space to cross from the left by-line, and Koshevoi arrived ahead of Badenfauer at the near post to flick the ball into the far corner with the deftest of touches.

Tadjikistan made one change at the break, with Morozov replacing Lavrinovich on the wing.

It was Giant Zucchini, though, who almost snatched the lead back at the start of the second half. Sarnos got clear down the right flank and, from the byline, whipped the ball into the six-yard box where it was met by Gominsha, but his header flew wide.

After 57 minutes, Morozov sent the ball into the danger area from the right. However, Badenfauer did just enough to put Zaev off as the midfielder could not get a decent connection on the cross, and stabbed the ball well wide from six yards.

Despite their newly-found freedom on the ball, Daniel Kirponos' men were unable to really trouble the Giant Zucchini rearguard.

Tadjikistan were awarded a free-kick in a dangerous position, some 25 yards out and just right of centre following a handball by Madorna.

Vishnevskij struck it straight into the wall. With 20 minutes left, Zarakovsky came on for Lvov as Kirponos shuffled his formation to play with two strikers, Krivoshein moving to full-back and Oborin to centre-back.

In the 79th minute, following a corner, Alekseev somehow managed to keep out Badenfauer' toe-poke at point-blank range with his feet.

Denisenko then headed clear as Yusebo rounded the keeper and crossed in front of an unguarded net.

And just as the tie looked to set for a draw, Perles popped up in the six-yard box to meet a corner from the left and head the Zucchinis into the lead with just seconds remaining.


Final score:

Giant Zucchini - 2
Badenfauer (38), Perles (90)

Tadijikistan - 1
Koshevoi (45)

Man of the Match: Badenfauer

Back To Winning Ways

Spurland are now on top of group 7 once more after wins over Kipto-Mare and Anarguistan.

Spurland 1 – 0 Kipto-Mare
Hashish 58’


Anarguistan 0 – 3 Spurland
Hashish 24’
Wolf 78’
Mead 83’




Next Game:
Spurland now play in front of their home fans against Karkatou. Karkatou who find themselves at the wrong end of the table and arguably been the most disappointing aswell. They now stand no chance of qualifying but will be playing for pride. This might be the Spurs last chance to get any more points, as they have the more ‘difficult’ teams to play in their last three games.


Group 7 P W D L GF-GAPts
Spurland 8 6 1 1 18-8 19
Dance 2 Revolution 9 6 1 2 20-11 19
Spaam 8 4 1 3 17-12 13
Krytenia 8 4 1 3 14-9 13
Kipto-Mare 9 2 4 3 10-10 10
Anarquistan 9 2 2 5 7-17 8
Krakatou 9 0 2 7 4-23 2

As Tom and Emmett passed through the swinging glass doors out onto the street, they saw a black car just pulling out of the car park and into the road, nearly colliding with a cyclist, who swerved into a fruit stall to avoid certain death. The car turned left, away from the city center.

“They’re heading for the airport. Tom, you’ve got to follow them!” Tom spun around.

“What!?! But I can’t drive!”

“Then it’s a good thing we’ve got such good public transport, isn’t it?”

“But - ”

“Look, you’ve got to go after them, because I’m going to Ubuloy. There’s no way he’s getting away with this.” I’ll make sure of it, he muttered under his breath. Emmett ran into the car park, leaving Tom standing outside the SOFA Headquarters, looking thoroughly disoriented.

***

“Come on…come on!” Emmett had been sitting in traffic for ten minutes now – some kind of accident up ahead – and he knew that the longer he left it, the more likely it was that Ubuloy would escape. He turned the ignition off and got out of the car, much to the annoyance of other drivers. The window of the car next to his was rolled down, and a head was thrust out of the gap.

“Hey, buddy! What do ya think you’re doing? You can’t just leave your car in the middle of the road!” Emmett ignored him as he weaved his way through the halted cars onto the pavement, where he set off in a run towards Ubuloy’s office block.

It seemed to Emmett that as soon as he stepped onto the pavement, the crowd coming in the opposite direction to him condensed. He was struggling to push his way through the crowd, and the more heavily built of his opponents were trying to make it difficult for him.

“Out of the way!” He screamed in frustration, but no one seemed to listen. It was just then that he spotted the back street to his right. He dived into it and sprinted its length, emerging on a completely different street. It took him a couple of seconds to get his bearings, but when he did, he saw the big skyscraper in front of him with the slanting glass paneled top and the blinking lights around the door – Ubuloy’s office block.

Between him and it was a busy road, and as he tried to dodge the traffic, horns beeped and pedestrians yelled at him. But he didn’t care – all he could think about was getting his hands around Ubuloy’s neck and throttling him to death. He felt betrayed; betrayed by a man whom he knew he should never have trusted in the first place. Polly had seen it – why hadn’t he? These thoughts spun round and round in Emmett’s mind until he made it to the other side of the road, miraculously unscathed.

***

He ran up to the receptionist’s desk, where a startled young lady looked up from her computer, which was currently running Solitaire.

“Is Mr. Ubuloy still here?”

“Excuse me, sir?”

“Is Mr. Ubuloy still here?”

“I’ll just check – one moment, sir.” She picked up the phone and dialed 001. After a few seconds she replaced the receiver and turned back to Emmett.

“Yes, he is still in the building. He’s currently in his office. Would you like me to tell him you are here?”

“No, thank you, ma’am. I’ll just surprise him.” Emmett was about to turn to the elevator when he noticed what was on the screen.

“You can put the three of diamonds on the four of clubs, you know.” The receptionist did just that as Emmett headed for the elevator.

***

He crashed through the door with the shouts of Ubuloy’s secretary following him.

“Ubuloy!” He expected him to be hiding, but there he was, sitting at his desk, obviously waiting for him ever since the interview had been put out on SOTV forty minutes ago.

“What did you think I’d be doing, Emmett? Leaving the country? Creating a new identity for myself in some exotic locale whilst you continue to play the part that is rightfully mine? I think not, Emmett.” He waited for a reply from Emmett, but he had only one thought on his mind. His curled fist connected perfectly with Ubuloy’s jaw, sending him out of his chair and sprawling on the red-carpeted floor. Ubuloy got up, a little unsteady on his feet from the blow, and with a trickle of blood down his chin.

“I probably deserved that – after all, I have just betrayed a friend in front of millions upon millions of television viewers.”

“Friend? You’re no friend of mine?”

“Oh really? That’s not what you were saying yesterday when I was saving your sorry arse. Let’s face it, Emmett, without me you’d have been screwed long before this. One way or the other you were going to lose a hell of a lot of face – it was just a matter of when and how much. Personally I feel that this’ll be a lot harder for you to recover from than the demands of an already overplayed sports jock. Not only have you now got the fallout from that to deal with, but you’ve also got the fact that you’ve got an insider, and that I, not you, was the one who found them. It’s not going to look great from whatever angle you shoot from, is it, Emmett?”

“What the hell do you want, Ubuloy?”

“Emmett…you know what I want. You’ve known what I wanted all this time, so let’s just cut the action movie crap and get to the real business.” The television in the corner was on, and they were showing highlights of the day’s match between South Osettia and Liverpool England. Ubuloy nodded his head towards the set, forcing Emmett to look over.

“2-0. Not too bad, although we lost out up until then unbeaten home record. Shame…and in the final home match as well. Oh well, I suppose it can’t be helped. After all they are better than us. I was glad that they held them to two, although I was a little worried when they conceded after three minutes to a corner. I had a feeling set pieces would be our downfall, and I knew it was over with that penalty on 70 minutes. You just don’t come back from two goals down against Liverpool England.”

“What are you getting at, Ubuloy?”

“Nothing, Emmett, absolutely nothing.” Ubuloy picked up his chair, which had fallen onto its side when Emmett had struck him, and sat back down behind his desk. “Let’s talk business, shall we?”

Matchday 11 scores (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8356493&postcount=13) are here.

Streetian Sporting Moments - Number Three:

One such attack did come from the Lions near the half-hour mark, and it resulted in a corner kick. Left wing back Ian Hammond took the kick, and central midfielder Nick Yu did his part, heading the ball over Jonathan Havell's head and into the net for one-nil.

It was the closest the Streetians ever got to a second round, as a draw would send them through with a fair amount of certainty - the table looked thus before the match:

Raptor Claw +1 4
Cockbill Street +1 3
Kingsford -1 3
Bedistan -1 1

So with a draw against Bedistan, the coal-carriers from Kingsford (sadly, now all deceased) would have to come up with something quite special against a Raptor Claw side that seemed to be on song, having overperformed greatly in their 2-1 victory over the Street (not to mention their drab 0-0 draw with Bedistan). They were never really in that game, the dinosaurs winning quite comfortably 2-0, but Cockbill Street never managed to get quite near. Nick Yu's header became crucial, as Bedistan switched into a System Karela, and yet another early exit after a surprisingly good start.

#8 1-0 win over Evisceratomatoes, World Cup 10
#7 2-1 win over Spaam, World Cup 14, qualifying for second round
#6 Stu Underwood, World Cup 19
#5 Lovisa debacle, World Cup 15
#4 Opening ceremony, World Cup 13
#3 Nick Yu, World Cup 17
#2 ???
#1 ???

Squornshelous clinches top three finish with a thrilling bye

Two wins over the bottom of the group put the Pschychoes in position to clinch qualification

A pair of easy victories gives Squornshelous 23 points and a chance to move out of reach of the rest of group five. A win over Iansisle next matchday, coupled with a loss or draw by Fmjphoenix would put the Pschychoes more than 6 points ahead of the second place team, ensuring them first place no matter what happened in the final two matches. the Pschychoes have been playing well, scoring 2.1 goals per match and giving up only .5. Although Iansisle has put in a mildly disappointing performance so far, there is no reason to think they won't pose a problem for the Pschychoes. In our Matchday 5 meeting, niether team generated anything at all, aside form good defense. We think that that will be the trend for this game as well, but this time, we think Squornshelous will manage to get one goal late to put them over the top.

Final Scores:
Squornshelous 3-0 Bryn Shander
Squornshelous 2-1 Nifty nick

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Gerrard: 6
Zikov: 4
Arnesson: 4
Popov: 4
Neese: 1

Group 5 Standings after matchday 8:

Group 5 P W D L GF-GAPts
Squornshelous 9 7 2 0 19-5 23 Play-offs
Fmjphoenix 9 5 3 1 21-10 18
--------------------------------------------
Iansisle 9 4 3 2 14-7 15
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Five Civilized Nations 10 3 4 3 13-12 13
The Belmore Family 9 2 4 3 13-17 10
Bryn Shander 10 3 0 7 10-19 9
Nifty nick 10 0 2 8 3-23 2 Eliminated


Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses byes

MD01: Squornshelous 2-0 Five Civilized Nations
MD02: Bryn Shander 0-1 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 2-0 Nifty nick
MD04: Bye
MD05: Squornshelous 0-0 Iansisle
MD06: Fmjphoenix 1-3 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 5-2 The Belmore Family
MD08: Five Civilized Nations 1-1 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 3-0 Bryn Shander
MD10: Nifty nick 1-2 Squornshelous
MD11: Bye
MD12: Iansisle v Squornshelous
MD13: Squornshelous v Fmjphoenix
MD14: The Belmore Family v Squornshelous

Home: 4-1-0
Away: 3-1-0
Overall: 7-2-0[/QUOTE]

Vikings win with largest margin in history, take over second place

Esteban Zeus felt good today when he woke up. He has not been feeling as young as he used to be, as he has just recently celebrated his 35th birthday. But today was different, he felt like he was back in his prime, not past it. It was evident on the pitch today, as Esteban Zeus recorded a hat trick for the first time in 4 years and combined with scores from Mike Nolan and Jason Mitchell combined with Powell Lamar stopping everything that came at him, resulted in a 5-0 victory over Nifty Nick, the largest victory in Vikings history.

When the Vikings starting eleven were introduced, the crowd was estatic. It was a promotional day in Viking Stadium, as there were 10,000 free tickets given out in an effort to bring in more support for the team. It helped as the fans in the packed stadium enjoyed the highest scoring match in the Vikings short but storied history. The match started off with a fast turnover by Nifty Nick as pressure was applied quickly. Jason Mitchell recovered the loose ball and the attack was on. Mitchell came forth flanked by Zeus and Jorge Mendel. A pass followed by a cross and a shot by Zeus came in such succession that the Nifty Nick goalkeeper was off of his feet and didn't even get a chance to defend the shot and just like that Fmjphoenix was up 1-0 at the 5th minute. Nifty Nick would come back and take a wild shot that was tipped by Lamar and resulted into a corner kick that was easily captured and cleared by Lamar. The stadium was quiet for the next 10 minutes, as there was not much action. Nifty Nick set up a defensive screen and it frustrated the Vikings front four. Carlos Santos attempted to stir things up by kicking the ball up high, but the ball was recovered by Nifty Nick. After a shot on target cleared out, the Vikings were came up on the strike. Mitchell recieved a pass from Wei Zeng and was lights out the whole way up. Short of taking his legs out, nothing stopped him as he ran from midfield up into the box and beat the goalkeeper one on one to increase the lead up 2-0 at the 34th minute. Coach Wash made seven moves after the goal, sitting all four starting forwards and midfielders, and bringing in the rest of the benchto play an odd 2-2-6 formation, utilizing six defenders. He left in Powell Lamar as he was playing rock solid defense and not letting anything past him. This move left Nifty Nick stuck, as they could not get any type of attack past midfield because they were stopped shot by the major defensive challenges by Fmjphoenix. The score at the end of the first half was 2-0, and the stands were erupting with cheers for their home favorites.

The second half started off with the normal starting eleven, and Esteban Zeus struck right after the first minute with a quick shot from a crafty pass from Larry Brown, putting Fmjphoenix up 3-0. Nothing beats success like success right? Zeus was at it again barely five minutes later. Lamar earned his third save with an amazing stop. Pass to Tra Miranda, who passed to Carlos Santos, who stopped his momentum as if stopping on a dime to watch a Nifty Nick midfielder fly past, passed to Nolan. He took a shot, but it was deflected by the goalkeeper. Zeus recovered the deflection and gently tapped the ball into the net before the goalkeeper could even get up, netting a 4-0 lead and a hat trick! The fans were going crazy, not only because of the fact that Fmjphoenix was up 4-0, but the hat trick gives every fan in the stadium a coupon for a free jersey of the hat trick scorer from Sports Nations Inc. The next twenty minutes was spent passing back and forth between both sides of the pitch, and the running was visably wearing down Nifty Nick. Mike Nolan took advantage of the tiredness of Nifty Nick, blazing past all of them with speed the fans had only ever seen him exibit on the baseball field , up the sideline of the pitch and took a shot from near the corner that hooked past the goalkeeper for an amazing 5th goal of the match. The Vikings took a comanding 5-0 lead over a worn out Nifty Nick squad. The final 20 minutes of the match saw the overexerted team trying to make an attempt, but weak shots were being gobbled up by an energetic Lamar, with a final shot in time stoppage signaling the end of the match. The fans went nuts as they had witnessed the best offensive match produced by Fmjphoenix. Man of the match went to a very deserving Esteban Zeus, only the second time in international play that he has recieved the distinction.

With their third straight victory, Fmjphoenix has earned 9 quick points to double their total and moved into second place in Group 5 due to a loss by Iansisle to Five Civilized Nations. Squornshelous earned no less than a third place finish due to the Vikings shalashing of Nifty nick. The Belmore Family saved themselves with a solid 3-0 victory over Bryn Shander. Fmjphoenix is going to be playing The Belmore Family at home and is looking to continue its solid play. Even though TBF has underperformed during this qualification run, they are still not to be taken lightly. A matchup in Day 5 saw the teams draw even 2-2. The Vikings hope for the least to be an equal result, but will be playing for victory in front of their fans. The best way to follow up success is with more success, and that is the way that every player on the Vikings are feeling.

Fmjphoenix: 5
(Zeus 5, 46, 51, Mitchell 34, Nolan 72)

Nifty Nick: 0
(None)

Fmjphoenix Qualification Run:
MD01: --Bye--
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Five Civilized Nations Draw 2-2
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Bryn Shander Win 1-0
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Nifty Nick Win 4-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ The Belmore Family Draw 2-2
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Squornshelous Lose 1-3
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Iansisle Draw 1-1
MD08: --Bye--
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Five Civilized Nations Win 1-0
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Bryn Shander Win 4-1
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Nifty Nick Win 5-0
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs The Belmore Family
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Squornshelous
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Iansisle
Away: 2-3-0
Home: 3-0-1
Record: 5-3-1

Voyages in Commerce Heights

Having a Bye period off, a few members of Les Bleus decided to go there earlier, and get a glance of one of the most notorious capitalizt nations in NationStates. Below are a few journal entries from Alia & Rousseau

Well, the group of us arrived in Commerce Heights on Monday, just in time for business week to start in Commerce Heights. Just flying on a CapitAir, a private CH company proved that they were all into the money and fetishization of products. On the airplanes, they made you pay for your products, and provided a large variety of food. Unfortunately, due to the bad relations between Eauz and CH, the airline attendance would not accept “dirty communist money”, as they labelled it. Nonetheless, I had some simoleon on me, and bought a plate of food. I felt dirty though buying a product, which I did not know where it had come from. I could not believe I was buying into something, which didn’t respect workers at all. Nonetheless, getting off the airplane, there were bright lights and advertisements everywhere. What had happened to this nation? Oddly enough though, despite seeing all the capitalizm and such, the people who were very poor were still being supported by the government, with a 28% spending on social equality, higher than my own country. Nonetheless, there was a major difference between the elite rich and the extreme poor of the nation, something, which would never have occurred back in Eauz. I couldn’t get over the idea though, that publicity was almost everywhere you looked. In the hotel we stayed at, the sheets, blankets and walls were even covered in publicity.

What a weird nation, full of people running around, and being fancied by stupid objects. The football fans though seem to be ready for the match between Eauz and Commerce Heights. Though, and it could be due to the low spending on education, no one I asked could figure out where Eauz was. When we explained the region, they still didn’t know where that was. A lot of them were excited about the fact that Eauz would be back, and that they would have another chance at continuing to win against Eauz. Despite the fact that Eauz beat them the last time, CH fans are expecting their team to beat Eauz.

InterCanton Press

SHENANIGANS! Chicanada basically eliminated with "pounding" in Melmond

Melmond [7] [0] Chicanada

Cali, Melmond:

Normally this is where we review the match. But considering that after tough ties against Starblaydia and Hiiraan and a bizarre loss in Nonesuch Street, the Chicanada Press is a tad skeptical of the team collapsing in Melmond. Sure, a 2-nill loss we could understand, but a 7-0 smackdown just rubs us the wrong way...

With this "loss" as it were, Chicanada is all but eliminated from World Cup action. Technically, the team is only 5 points behind Melmond and Hiiraan to get in and two wins against Allanea and Rittarstan could be enough to move them into third place. However, the two remaining games for each team (Melmond hosts Starblaydia and goes to Nonesuch Street, Hiiraan goes to Nonesuch Street and hosts Starblaydia) along with a knockout game between the two squads in Melmond pretty much seals the elimination of the Kodiaks from the field. Yes, it's entirely possible Chicanada could make up the two wins but would need both Hiiraan and Melmond to loose to Starblaydia and Nonesuch Street, tie in their matchup in Melmond AND see Chicanada make up well past the 7 goals they are down. Yes, a massive tie with 18 points is possible, but the Chicanada Press is not hedging it's bets just yet.

Coach Jesnui Viladetta said that his team is not disappointed by the "loss" as it were and believes it can be a learning tool to prepare for it's final matchups against the bottom dwellers in the tournament. He also said his team never assumed a victory on the road would be easy (Chicanada is 1-0-3 on the road during the tournament) and his team refuses to doubt the abbilities of Allanea or Rittarstan.

The team reportedly hopes for the best but will more than likely use their remaining games to let younger players get a taste of play, rest starters, and look at who will be returning to CFF Champions League play regardless of finish.

The Kodiaks go to Allanea tommorow for their second-to-last match. The match is scheduled for 1000 CST and will be carried live by Canal4 and CanaTV. Most football pitches will be open after CFF play to show the game live.

Group 6 P W D L GF-GA Pts
Starblaydia 9 7 1 1 25-6 22
Nonesuch Street 9 6 1 2 16-14 19
---------------------------------------------------
Melmond 9 5 2 2 21-8 17
Hiiraan 9 5 2 2 24-14 17
Chicanada 10 3 3 4 18-25 12
Rittarstan 10 1 1 8 6-25 4
Allanea 10 1 0 9 5-23 3

Eliminated


The official schedule/results for Chicanada Qualifying

MD01 @ Starblaydia (L 1-2)
MD02 v Nonesuch Street (L 2-3)
MD03 @ Hiiraan (W 2-1)
MD04 v Melmond (T 2-2)
MD05 v Allanea (W 2-1)
MD06 -
MD07 v Rittarstan (W 2-1)
MD08 v Starblaydia (T 3-3)
MD09 @ Nonesuch Street (L 1-0)
MD10 v Hiiraan (T 4-4)
MD11 @ Melmond (L 7-0)
MD12 @ Allanea
MD13 -
MD14 @ Rittarstan

Lovisa Loses
Everyone Amazed
Ted Wehling, Liamist States Times

Again, my article space has been cut readers, so I’ll have to keep it even briefer. Lovisa was beaten by the Liamist States on Lovisan home soil.

Armand Iziary scored both goals again, signalling a return to top form after a small slump.

The Liamist States take over by a point from Gaian Ascendancy but unfortunately, both teams are now out of the running for the World Cup proper. If only the Marmadukes had pulled it together against Evalness and perhaps Oaker.

The Marmadukes still have two matches to play against Gaian Ascendancy and Evalness and will be playing for pride.

This ends the official coverage of the WCQ (we have to rededicate media resources to other things) and the Liamist States have learnt some valuable lessons. It may be a few cups before they can qualify but they’ll get there eventually.


Group 10 P W D L GF-GAPts
Vilita 8 7 1 0 19-5 22 Qualified
Lovisa 8 6 1 1 24-7 19 Play-offs
--------------------------------------------
Oaker 8 5 0 3 13-9 15 Play-offs
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Liamist States 8 2 1 5 10-17 7 Eliminated
Gaian Ascendancy 8 2 0 6 7-17 6 Eliminated
Evalness 8 0 1 7 3-21 1 Eliminated

Marmaduke Statistics
Overall:
P W D L F A GD
15 9 1 5 31 21 10

Trophies:
*Baptism of Fire (Pre-WC21)

Results:
**World Cup XXI
*Qualifying (Group 10)
Loss (1-4): Vilita (2), Vilita
Loss (2-3): Oaker (43), Oaker
Loss (1-3): Lovisa (13), Adali
Win (2-1): Gaian Ascendancy (92), Fairbank
Draw (2-2): Evalness (-), Trenport
Loss (0-1): Vilita (2), City de Liam
Loss (0-2): Oaker (43), Gradburg
Win (2-1): Lovisa (13), Lovisa
MD12: Gaian Ascendancy (92), Gaian Ascendancy
MD14: Evalness (-), Evalness

Top Scorers:
1. Armand Iziary - 11
2. Hal Bell - 10
3. Christian Dressel - 8
4. Rod Manoni - 4
5. Jackson Eaks - 1

Biggest Win: 5-0 Nifty nick, BoF Group
Biggest Loss: 1-4 Vilita, WC21Q Group

Longest Winning Streak: 7
Longest Losing Streak: 3

Sonaron Freed From Futility Mark
Turn tables on Audioslava, Haperd with consecutive cleansheet wins
The Sonaron Pride won their first international home game versus Audioslava, defeating the number one team in the world by a score of 3-0. Unfortunately for Pride fans, the match was actually played in Abysmalistan due to the ongoing technical difficulties with the pitch at Rhovani Stadium. Robertson ended the Pride's scoring drought at 641' with a beautiful shot from the corner of the box in the ninth minute. The 'slaves keeper seemed almost sluggish in moving for the ball, and the goal scored. Within another ten minutes, the Pride had added another goal, with Robertson redirecting Roger Arzlen's errant shot into the far corner of the net. Douglas's pass found Bram breaking down the left side in the fourty-eighth minute to provide the final score of the match.

Several weeks later, the Pride traveled to Haperd seeking revenge for the 2-0 home loss suffered on matchday 4. For the first eighty minutes, the Pride were unable to make progress against the stingy Haperd defense, and Shana Robinson had to make several stellar saves, including punching a ball wide of the post on the goal line in the seventy-second minute. In the eighty-third minute, Douglas set up a corner kick, finding the head of Samantha Carter for the game winning goal. With their two wins, the Pride moved into sixth place in the group, although they have been eliminated from qualifying for the World Cup. Team officials remain hopeful that the Pride will be able to build on this experience for the next Cup.

According to a statement released today by Coach Raizor, Rhovani Stadium will be available for the team's final qualifying match. In the event that Rhovani Stadium is unable to go, the field at the new stadium being built in Izlon (to be jointly used by Izlon Tech, Izlon West, and the Sonaron Pride) is ready for play, although there will only be a limited amount of stands available. After a bye for matchday 12, the Pride will travel to Funny Looking Islands before concluding their qualifying schedule against Oceaice.

Scoring in the Audioslava match:
9': Robertson 2 (Farlen 1, Robinson 1)
19': Robertson 3 (Arzlen 1, Douglas 2)
48': Bram 1 (Douglas 3)

Scoring in the Haperd match:
83': Carter, S 2 (Douglas 4)

Pride (3-0-7 -10, 6th place)
Schedule:
WC XXI Group 4
MD01: @ Kylaai (W 2-1)
MD02: v Nova Britannicus (L 0-1)
MD03: @ Audioslava (L 0-2)
MD04: v Haperd (L 0-2)
MD05: --REST DAY--
MD06: v Funny Looking Islands (L 0-2)
MD07: @ Oceaice (L 0-3)
MD08: v Kylaai (L 0-3)
MD09: @ Nova Britannicus (L 0-2)
MD10: v Audioslava (W 3-0)
MD11: @ Haperd (W 1-0)
MD12: --REST DAY--
MD13: @ Funny Looking Islands
MD14: v Oceaice

Jeruselem Government News

Antaeus Rising eliminated, Lykaia still a chance

Group 1 of the World Cup XXI and Antaeus Rising are officially eliminated. One Red Dot crushed their chances into sand when it trashed Antaeus Rising 5-1 to sound a warning to everyone they are back in business. We all agree too.

Lykaia beat defense-less Krazie 3-0 to keep their hopes alive. Krazie's form of late has been "Very disappointing" and they again folded to a superior team.

El Cid had the bye but they are still top dog.

Jeruselem were held 1 ALL to draw with Danieljoh who drew with Antaeus Rising last game (same score). Danieljoh was eliminated first and have drawn two games since, very strange. Jeruselem did rest many stars to protect them from injury to be ready for the dot and El Cid games. The more junior team failed to fire but the reserve keeper did impress and was not at fault for the only goal he conceded. It was wasted chance to get another win nevertheless.

Group 1
One Red Dot - Antaeus Rising 5-1
Jeruselem - Danieljoh 1-1
Lykaia - Krazie 3-0


Group 1 P W D L GF-GAPts
EL CID THE HERO 9 7 0 2 21-6 21
Jeruselem 9 5 3 1 15-10 18
--------------------------------------------
One Red Dot 9 5 2 2 17-8 17
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lykaia 9 4 3 2 17-9 15
Antaeus Rising 10 3 2 5 13-19 11 Eliminated
Krazie 10 2 2 6 12-30 8 Eliminated
Danieljoh 10 0 2 8 7-20 2 Eliminated

OOC: sorry for not RPing, I was in hospital after a car accident.

In a rejistanian pub:

Syku: I heard nothing about the World cup team...

Jaju: that is because nothing is to be said, nothing but 'scoreless'

Syku: Don't tell me! it was 1:1 against Pterodactyl...

Jaju: 2 matches happened since then!

Syku: What the slani?

Jaju: 2 matches happened since then!

Syku: how many points?

Jaju: for us or the opponents?

Syku: For us of course

Jaju: 2 points!

Syku: You want to say that we drew against the soccer LDCs of Moleland and Totally Useless Liars?

Jaju: LDCs?

Syku: Least developed countries.

Jaju: Yes, I want to tell you that we drew against these two teams.

Syku: But they are crappy!

Jaju: But we only drew against them.

Syku: Scoreless...

Jaju: Scoreless.

Syku: What did Hexatux think?

Jaju: It cannot think.

Syku: I start believing that. I really do!

Jaju: There is only one help for us! Margaret!

Syku: She is dead!

Jaju: So you do not believe in reincarnation?

Syku: I do... you plan to...?

Jaju: Yes

To be continued...

Badenfauer Heads Zucchinis Into Third

A first-half goal from defender Badenfauer gave Giant Zucchini a narrow lead to knock Adam Island off third spot in the table and to give the Zucchinis renewed hope of qualifying.

Badenfauer rose highest to glance home a Gominsha free-kick from the edge of the six-yard box to give his side a 31st-minute lead, which they rarely looked like relinquishing.

However, Giant Zucchini will be unhappy with the result from a game they dominated almost entirely from start to finish, limiting their opponents to just three shots on target.

Madorna was in excellent form, delighting the packed crowd with a series of flicks and clever passes as Giant Zucchini controlled the midfield.

Perles fired over on eight minutes and saw an effort blocked by the Adam Island goalkeeper a minute later.

By this time Giant Zucchini had already lost full-back Sarnos, who had limped off with an apparent knee injury to be replaced by Egvards.

But the change didn't alter the game as Yusebo clipped the crossbar in the 24th minute after a great run and cross from Berisi, while another cross from the AC Lombardia defender was cut out just as it looked to be heading for the Giant Zucchini striker.

It was no surprise when Badenfauer gave Giant Zucchini the lead just after the half-hour mark, the only surprise was it had come from a set-piece rather than open play.

Five minutes later, Adam Island suffered another setback as they had to make a substitution after an injury to a key player in their side.

Giant Zucchini ended the first half in complete control and began the second in similar fashion. Perles, who looked out of touch for most of the night, forced the Adam Island keeper to tip away his 25-yard shot wide in the 56th minute and moments later Yusebo produced the miss of the match.

The busy Adam Island keeper had blocked a Madorna shot from inside the box and Yusebo somehow fired over an empty goal from five yards.

Without 2 of their key players and with most of the team looking jaded, Adam Island did not resemble a side who recently trounced Praying2God, but on the hour they forced Giant Zucchini goalkeeper Oshin into the first of two good saves, the second being from an impressive Adam Island striker nine minutes from time.

Adam Island got into the game in the last 15 minutes as Giant Zucchini tired, but still Kryff forced the Adam Island keeper into another save, while Mave was unlucky to see another header rebound off the post.

Had it gone in nobody in the Adam Island squad could have complained about the result. As it is the race for the top 3 places is still wide open.


Final score:

Adam Island - 0


Giant Zucchini - 1
Badenfauer (31)

Man of the Match: Madorna

John Carlson (JC): We're coming to you live from the House of Prayer, where the Warriors are getting ready to take on Tadjikistan in a critical match to the Warriors qualifying efforts.

Lisa Simonson (LS): They're already realisticly eliminated, John. What they need to do is way to difficult to pull off for the Warriors to be able to qualify...

David Tall (DT): It was also supposed to be too difficult for the Warriors to make a serious run at qualifying in the last WC, but they did.

JC: First, let's review what's happened during the last couple of matches.

LS: The Warriors hung their own qualifying hopes by drawing with Gilgrado for the second time during qualifying, 1-1 at Gilgrado. Thomas Larson bailed out the Warriors by scoring to even the match in the 62nd minute, but the Warriors couldn't get another ball into the net.

DT: Then, in their most recent match, the Warriors took no chances against Seton Rebel. This time, the scoring was much more spread out throughout the match, and the starters played the whole match. The result was the most convincing win in Warriors' history, 3-0. Scoring for the Warriors was Kelly Carter, Luke Royal, and Thomas Larson. It was one of the better efforts we've seen from the Warriors during qualifying.

JC: However, the Warriors have not won back-to-back matches during WC XXI qualifying, and they have not taken points in more than three matches in a row. Both of those stats would make one assume that the Warriors are going to lose today.

DT: However, the Warriors only lost by one in their worst defensive effort of qualifying in the last meeting between these teams, and if they had taken a point, they would have earned points in five straight matches.

JC: What do you expect to see today?

LS: A lot better defensive performance by the Warriors than the first time these teams met. However, Tadjikistan is likely to improve their defensive performance as well. The big question will be who can put together the best offensive performance against two defenses looking to make drastic improvements.

DT: The Warriors are definitely the team with more to play for today, as Tadjikistan is in an automatic qualification position right now. As a result, expect the Warriors to come out agressively and try to get an early lead. If they can do so, they will be tough to beat, especially at home.

JC: What do the Warriors need to do in order to qualify?

DT: If the Warriors can earn four points between this match and their match in Turori, then their qualifying hopes will come down to their match up with Adam Island, with the winner taking third, and the loser going home. It's not out of the question, but it certainly isn't going to be easy either.

LS: Let's be realisic. The Warriors are going to have to win out to qualify, even though they're only two points out of a qualifying position at the moment. To win out against the top three ranked teams in the group is asking way too much of this team.

JC: Care to make any predictions on today's match?

LS: The Warriors fail to find the right balance between offense and defense again, and Tadjikistan finds a better balance. Tadjikistan puts an end to any dreams of the Warriors qualifying. Tadjikistan 3-1.

DT: Oh ye of little faith! The Warriors come to play, and take an early lead that Tadjikistan cannot overcome. The Warriors stay alive for now. Warriors 2-1.

JC: The Warriors defense will show up and dominate this match, and the offense will keep its momentum from the Seton Rebel match. The Warriors protect their turf convincingly. Warriors 2-0.

LS: Shut a team out after giving up four goals in the first meeting...sounds like a tall order, John.

JC: We need to take a commercial break. We'll be back in time for the opening kick-off of this match between the Warriors and Tadjikistan.

Tom watched as Emmett raced around the corner into the car park. His attention then turned to the black car speeding away. He heard a beeping noise behind him, and turned to see a bus trundling up the road. Either God was giving Tom a message, or he was just damn lucky. He ran over to the bus, tripping over a loose slab in the process and cutting his knee. Despite the pain he continued to hobble over to the bus, which was still moving, He banged on the doors until they opened, and he clambered onto the bus to see that it was completely empty. The driver was a graying man who looked like he had been driving buses his entire life. Tom didn’t stop to ask him.

“Excuse me, sir, I’m commandeering this vehicle. Would you step off the bus please?”

“What the hell? On whose authority?”

“Er…um…I…oh, to hell with it! Get outta that seat!” He pulled the driver out of the seat and threw him onto the pavement, closing the doors behind him. A couple of seconds later he reopened them.

“Er…sorry…I guess…yeah.” He shut the doors and drove away, the driver shaking his fist at the backend of the bus.

***

The good thing about public transport in South Osettia was that buses got their own lanes. Tom was able to go along at whatever pace he wanted to whilst every other driver had to have their speed dictated to them by the murderous rush-hour traffic of Ts’khinvali. Had Tom not been driving a bus at break-neck speed trying to stop a person that had just sabotaged his livelihood from escaping the country without justice being dealt, he would have dwelt on the hilarity of that fact for a while longer. As it was, colours were a blur as he raced along, trying to avoid a collision. He could see the black car up ahead, getting closer and closer. Ten yards away, now eight…six…three…

It was then, just as Tom was negotiating a particularly difficult corner that the black car swerved into the bus lane forcing Tom to break hard. Unfortunately, his momentum carried him forward, and the back of the bus spun ninety degrees clockwise, catching up with the front and blocking the entire road. Luckily, Tom was unscathed, but already angry drivers were piling up behind him. Horns were blaring, and they were blaring at him, something that annoyed Tom on normal occasions – now it was making him furious.

He opened the doors, and ran out, continuing his chase on foot with the shouts of late drivers behind him. He caught a glimpse of Emmett roughly a hundred yards or so away, but the fact didn’t register with him. Already the black car was accelerating away, and Tom knew that he was going to run like he had never run before if he was to get to the airport before they left the country for good. He didn’t hold out much hope.

***

“So, Emmett, are you ready to sign?” Most of what Ubuloy had been saying for the past fifteen minutes had gone in one ear and out the other, but when Ubuloy withdrew the blasted contract from his jacket pocket, Emmett spat on it.

“You know, Emmett, I can forgive you for punching me. But spitting! That is just an insult. Don’t worry, you don’t have to apologise.” Emmett wasn’t planning to. “You signing this piece of paper is more than enough reconciliation for me.”

“Ubuloy…I’m gonna say this one more time. There’s absolutely no way in hell that I’m gonna sign that contract, so why don’t you just forget it.” Emmett snatched up the paper and flung it into the fireplace, where it blackened and crinkled until it was no more. Ubuloy made no attempt to retrieve it. Indeed, once it had fully combusted he produced another one from his pocket.

“I had a feeling you’d do that, so I took the precaution of making some more.”

“How many more?”

“Hmmm…about a thousand.”

“That’s really quite sad.”

“I know, but what can I say – I really want your job.”

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, Qostaze, but there’s no way I’m signing.” Ubuloy lost his near permanent coolness for a second, and slammed his fist down on the desk. Almost immediately, though, he regained his composure.

“I understand, Emmett…after all, you worked hard for your place. You single-handedly won this country the Baptism Of Fire Cup. Of course you’re reluctant to hand over power. However, I have the perfect remedy for that reluctance. All you need is a good dose of encouragement.” Ubuloy pressed a button under his desk, and the fireplace swung around to reveal a big television screen. Another button was pressed and some video footage started playing; footage that scared Emmett to the very core of his soul.

***

Tom reached the airport half an hour after ditching the bus. The airport was relatively small: one runway, one terminal, and a car park that looked more like it belonged to a supermarket than an international airport. He spotted the black car almost instantly, as close to the entrance as possible. He made a mad dash for the glass doors, almost knocking over an elderly couple returning from a holiday in Vilita. As he burst into the terminal, he looked around for the person he had been chasing for the past hour, praying it was not too late.

There, over by the muffin shop! The plastic cup of coffee was halfway to their mouth when they spied Tom across the crowded terminal. It seemed as if they stared at each other for an eternity. The trance was broken by the sound of the tannoy.

Will all passengers for the flight to Ravea please proceed to Gate No. 8. We apologise for the delay, and hope you have a comfortable flight with us.

They rushed to their feet, knocking over their coffee, and made for Gate No. 8. They were separated by a busy crowd, and as Tom tried to push his way through, he could see his chances of reaching them getting smaller and smaller. By the time he made it through, they had already shown their passport and ticket, and as he watched, he saw them look back at him before disappearing through the gate.

***

It was his wife, Moira. A huge man was holding her down in a chair. She was gagged, bound and had a knife to her throat. She was whimpering in sheer terror, the rounded womb where their two children lay quivering. It was enough to make Emmett’s eyes fill with tears, and for his fists to clench and unclench.

“You see, Emmett. This job of yours is a matter of life and death – that of your wife’s, that is. You’ve got just five minutes to sign this document, or you’ll be forced to watch whilst your wife is brutally raped before having her throat cut.”

“You’re a monster, Ubuloy.”

“A monster? Possibly. Some would say I was just determined.”

“You think these are the acts of a sane man?”

“I don’t deny that this might seem a little rash - ”

“Rash? This is way beyond rash.”

“Time’s ticking, Emmett. You’ve got four minutes and twenty-seven seconds. What’s it going to be?”

“What happened to you, Qostaze? You used to be a hero of the people, a real future star. You won that Baptism Of Fire Cup for Maserrat. Where did it all go so badly wrong for you?”

“Do you really want to discuss this now, whilst your wife is on the verge of a savage murder?”

“Yes.”

“You do? Well then, let me enlighten you. Can you remember all the way back to when Maserrat won that glorious trophy? Can you do that, Emmett? Do you remember what you did on the very night we beat Smoking Pits 3-1 in the final?”

“I…I…no…I can’t.”

“You can’t? Well, let me help you. 23 Yellowtree Avenue? Does that address ring any bells? You went to that address after a drunken night out with the lads. Do you remember who you went there with?”

“I - ”

“Sacha, Emmett. Her name was Sacha. Do you remember what you did there? It was disgusting, Emmett. It was worthy of an animal what you did to that girl – what you did to my fiancé.”

“Your fiancé?”

“That’s right, Emmett. You had sex with my fiancé against her wishes. You know what that is in my book? Rape. You raped my fiancé…in my bed.”

“So…all this. This has nothing to do with business? This is about something I did twenty years ago?”

“This is all about what you did twenty years ago. Not a night has gone by when I haven’t thought about what you did and wretched. She called off the wedding…said that, after you, she wasn’t ready to commit to a man. She became a drunken mess. I watched her drink herself into a hole. And what happened then? She died. But she didn’t kill herself…no. Do you know what happened to her? She was involved in a hit and run. And can you guess who was behind the wheel?”

“I…”

“That’s right, Emmett – you. You killed my fiancé. You raped her, and then you killed her. So you see, Emmett, if I’m a monster, and if I’m insane, what the hell does that make you?” Emmett was lost for words. He’d had no idea the two events were connected in any way. He’d try to hide them; tried to deny that they ever happened. But they had always been there, lurking in the back of his mind, waiting for the catalyst to relight the fumes of guilt; to bring back the nights of torturous dreams; to bring back the nausea and the anxiety. This was it.

“Emmett, you have a choice here, a real choice. Sign this paper, and everything goes away, right here, right now. We can forget this whole thing ever happened. Don’t sign, and you’ll be responsible for the rape and murder of another women. Only this time, you’ll be the one hurting…not me. You’ve got forty-two seconds. What’s your choice?”

***

Tom had chosen something strong from the bar: vodka. He rarely drank it, and reserved it for really bad times. This counted as a really bad time. Someone started to walk over to him. He turned and almost dropped the glass.

“You!”

“They kicked me off the plane. I had an argument with the stewardess about the peanuts. Did you know they’d raised the prices?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Totally crazy.”

“Why?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Why did you do it?”

“It was a matter of principle?”

“Principle? What kind of principle tells you to stab all your friends and colleagues in the back? Where does it say that in the handbook, huh? Show me right here, where does it say that!?!”

“You need to calm down, Tom.”

“Calm down! You blow us all and you expect me to calm down! You’re lucky you’re not in an ambulance right now!”

“I know, and I’m grateful , Tom, I really am.”

“Just tell me why?”

“Tom, you know what it’s like to work for nothing – to slog your guts out day after day, and then to go home and get a clip round the ear as a reward. You know what that feels like, I know you do.”

“But these aren’t farmers – they’re international football players! They earn more in a week then some people do in an entire year!”

“The principle’s still the same.”

“You keep going on about this principle. What principle is this? What principle are you talking about?”

“The principle of religious equality.”

“What?”

“Tom, you know I’m Jewish, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And you know that Patuto’s Jewish, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And you know that every other player I called is Jewish, right?”

“Yeah, but - ”

“But nothing! You saw the statistics. Every Jewish player on that list earns less than every other player. It’s blatant anti-Semitism.”

“No it’s not. It’s just a coincidence.”

“Tom, it’s blatant anti-Semitism. You can’t pull the wool over my eyes here.”

“…So that’s why you did it?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve screwed us all, you know that?”

“That’s a risk I had to take. Us Jews have to stick together.”

“I suppose so…so what are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know. I suppose I’ll have to turn myself in.”

“You do?”

“I’ve gotta face the music – it’d be too much like dodging the bullet if I didn’t.”

“You don’t have to! You can get on another flight – you can pretend I never got here in time. Nobody will ever know.”

“We’d know.”

“…Well that’s a risk we’re going to have to take.” They both rose. Tom took some money from his wallet.

“This should be enough to cover another ticket. Take it.” They turned to go their separate ways.

“Tom?”

“Yeah?”

“You’ve gotta do something about this – this is something that just can’t be ignored.”

“I know.” They turned to go again, but Tom had one final thought.

“Danny?”

“Yeah?”

“Nice thing with the bus – blocked the entire road.” They laughed together, for the final time.

***

“So, Emmett, ten seconds left, what’s it going to be?” The document and a pen were in front of him. Emmett took one more look at the big screen before reaching for the pen.

(OOC: So that's it for another World Cup for South Osettia...or is it? Another win for SO in their final game against Oliverry puts them in with a real shot of making the finals. After tonight I'll be watching the final nights of the Qualifying stage with great interest, and if I make it through...I'll be posting again real soon. Don't expect any more RPs like this until next time though - they're just so time consuming. This one's over 2200 words long! See you soon, hopefully in a SOLE World Cup!)

Nonesuch Advance To Second
Fix Goal Difference

Nonesuch Street's footballers still have a theoretical chance of qualifying for the World Cup - only twelve years after their debut at international football, where they banged onto the scene with a dismal qualifying record. Now, however, they have won six matches, drawn one, and lost two (although they were hammerings of 0-6 and 1-4) - and are two points ahead of Melmond in the fight for second place which gives direct qualification.

Yesterday's 4-0 victory over Rittarstan was the easiest one yet, however. After closely fought and slightly unfair one-goal victories, Nonesuch finally looked somewhat of a World Cup-worthy team. The four-nil victory was emphatic, and a hat-trick from Chandra Seccah proved that the team also has an international-class striker. With a yet-again spectacular Highsenburg - as so often has been the case - who saved eight shots and their forwards put away the chances.

However, a 4-0 win over one of the weakest teams in the world shouldn't really prove a lot. The test will come in the following three days, when the top four teams of the group all meet each other to battle for the three top places. Starblaydia have a five-point head start and should cruise home, as the table effectively looks like this:

Starblaydia 0 0 0 0 25-6 5
Nonesuch Street 0 0 0 0 16-14 2
-------------------------------
Melmond 0 0 0 0 21-8 0
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hiiraan 0 0 0 0 24-14 0

From this perspective, Nonesuch will probably require a win and a draw in the matches against Melmond and Hiiraan to qualify for a play-off spot - that means Nonesuch will get six points, which is impenetrable. Anything achieved against Starblaydia will be a healthy bonus, but probably we'll just have to realise that catching up with them is impossible and that it'll be the six-pointers against Melmond and Hiiraan that will decide the World Cup spots.

Test Begins Now

After the victory against Karakatou, Spurland now have a healthy three point lead going into the last three games against the teams seeded higher above them in the group. Their first test is Krytenia, who the Spurs managed to beat 2-1 in the reverse fixture.

They will be looking for a victory here over a rather disappointing Krytenia. A win should ensure at least a playoff position is secured, which might possibly lead to the nations first ever world cup appearance.

The Spurland manager seemed rather pleased with life at the moment, “All is good, we never have had a better chance of qualifying for a world cup than we have right now. We have done far better than expected, and to be actually sitting on top of the group at this stage is just something that no one would have expected,” commented Morzaria.

Spurland 2 – 0 Karakatou
Mead 19’
Mead 44’


Group 7 P W D L GF-GAPts
Spurland 9 7 1 1 20-8 22
Dance 2 Revolution 9 6 1 2 20-11 19
--------------------------------------------
Spaam 9 5 1 3 20-13 16
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Krytenia 9 5 1 3 16-9 16
Kipto-Mare 10 2 4 4 11-13 10 Eliminated
Anarquistan 10 2 2 6 7-19 8 Eliminated
Krakatou 10 0 2 8 4-25 2 Eliminated

Makinshakes Presents...
The Ketchup Times
Now you can eat your fries and read the latest news around Melmond!

Bixler Will Not Be Hiiraan The End of This Uninspired Performance
After a rather controversial lost against Starblaydia which employed the use of in your face Take That and Robbie Williams imagery, the Fearless Farmers came out with a strategy which employed what worked for the great World Cup 17 side of Melmond that Bixler managed, physicality along with a sense of discipline. In order to achieve that goal, he started some of the more veteran and physical players in this match. The physical part was employed, unfortunately the discipline was put away. The Fearless Farmers were haunted by cardings throughout the match. Early in the match, midfielder Belle Bete has given a yellow card for some pushing and shoving away from the ball. However, midway through the first half, the Fearless Farmers would get a great blow to their efforts as Melmond defender Maxwell Wong held on to the arm of Hiiraan striker Muuse Ali Bilaal, who surprisingly has no ancestry in Melmond colony Obsessed Muse Groupies nor any ancestry among committed Bilal fans. Ali Bilaal was pushed to the pitch by Wong, and Wong received a red card for his actions. The Fearless Farmers will be short a player for the match. Ali Bilaal would take the penalty kick, but it would sail over the bar. The first half would end scoreless. However, despite being short handed, the Fearless Farmers would draw first blood through a quick counterattack which stemmed from a pass interception by Melmond midfielder and captain Jake Cormier, which he made a quick cross to Melmond striker Gene MacDougall, and MacDougall heads the ball past the diving Hiiraan goalkeeper Kamaal Ali Umar. That makes it one-nil Fearless Farmers. However, as midfielder Pauline Hulme got a yellow card for making a late sliding tackle, the Fearless Farmers seemed to get wary and distracted from their game plan. Hiiraan took away the momentum from there and made the pace of the match more frenzied. That combined with the Hiiraan heat really wore down the Melmond side. Hiiraan would finally make their breakthrough as midfielder Abdifitaax Mahamed Ibraahim was able to kick in a deflection of the hands of a diving Melmond goalkeeper Alex McCarthy who previously stopped a shot from the aforementioned Muuse Ali Bilaal. That would be the equaliser and the last goal of the match. Melmond finishes their tough road trip with only 2 points to show for it and a displeased MFA as well.

MFA Still Sticking With Bixler After Another Embarrassing Performance
As cliched as it may sound, the Melmond press and the national team are currently being singled out as whiners and scorinators. But, alas, they do have a right to complain as the matches that have looked suspect have been indeed suspect. First of all, the loss to Starblaydia was tainted with the aggressive use of Take That and Robbie Williams sensual imagery, which completely ruined the morale of the Fearless Farmers. And now we come to this match, the latest debacle, where our Fearless Farmers lose 2-nil to the mediocre at best Nonesuch Street in front of a sold out Frankndottir Stadium in Acosta. There was a clear conflict of interest, as the referee was Hiiraanian, and having Hiiraan in the same qualifying group, the referee could have very well made calls to favor Nonesuch Street as he would see them as the easier side for the Hiiraanians to beat. However, despite all the collusion, the bottom line is that the Fearless Farmers played pathetically and even collusion in their favor wouldn't have saved them. There were some questionable calls made in Nonesuch Street's favor, however none of those were consequential as the meaningful calls were actually good calls. The first goal was a scored on a penalty for a bit too aggressive of a tackle by defender Nick Kresge. Nonesuch Street midfielder W.E. Pohli converted the penalty giving Nonesuch Street the 1-nil lead. Nothing of remarkability happened until the next goal, an own goal by Melmond defender Charles Unne, who just happened to be in the wrong place of a low Nonesuch Street cross. The Melmondian football fan was furious at the debacle. A riot started outside the stadium, which is embarrassing for its senseless violence as well as affirming as hooliganism signalizes the arrival of football on the Melmond sporting radar. Despite Nonesuch Street being a less than heralded side, the Fearless Farmers find themselves on the short end of the all-time series. Perhaps Nonesuch Street is the new Oaker.

Another Disappointing Performance, But Three Points Either Way
It certainly is a rare moment where a victory by a team would prompt a louder cry to fire the manager. Yet this is what happened after the Fearless Farmers 1-nil victory over lowly Allanea in Allanea. After a disappointing road trip, Melmond desperately needed to beef up their statistics in order to better be in the path to qualify for the World Cup, or even make the playoff qualification in the first place. As for first place, probably not going to happen. A lightweight such as Allanea present a great opportunity to get the momentum going again. However, it almost took the entire game for the Fearless Farmers to coordinate their efforts as the only goal of the match was scored late at the 79th minute by striker Debora Unne in a mistake-filled match by both sides as both sides were riddled by fouls and cards, one going to the Fearless Farmers midfielder Pauline Hulme, who will miss the next match as she got her second yellow card of qualifying. Yes, the Fearless Farmers got a victory, but most people still see this team as the Failing Farmers or Forsaken Farmers and want Bixler out. However, Melmond Football Associaton Princess Tasa Seegwun preaches patiences in her statement that they will "stay the course and remember his great contribution to the sport of football in our nation." Even weaker Rittarstan is next as the Fearless Farmers return to their home nation.

OOC Sorry for the intrusion, but I've never seen this before...explain?

OOC Sorry for the intrusion, but I've never seen this before...explain?

OOC: Check out this link (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup) for more info, and go here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=397889) to sign up for the next cup.

OOC: Check out this link (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup) for more info, and go here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=397889) to sign up for the next cup.

Ok, thanks for the help.

Matchday 12 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8370895&postcount=14) are up (I've taken over from Leth due to a family emergency there)

Streetian Football Moments, Number Two:

Despite it being an unimportant tournament for losers, it still ranks as the third-most important in Streetian sporting history - and the second-most important in football history. That probably says something for the Streetian history of sporting "excellence", but still, it's a victory, and as such it ranks highly. They were lucky to reach the semi-finals of this tournament at all, squeezing in there on the cost of Abysmalistan - who were told to score in the wrong goal against Cockbill Street, and thus won 2-0 (or lost 0-2 - depending on which way you look at it). However, the Abysmalis managed to only achieve a drab 0-0 draw with Magnus Valerius, and Cockbill Street reached a semi-final with Brazillico - which they won thanks to a bit of a special free-kick from Thomas Lehrer. Then came the final, against Dance 2 Revolution, and the Streetians walked all over them. In one of the less spectacular moments of Revolutionary football (they have since reached a third and fourth place in the World Cup), Cockbill Street won 4-0, thanks to goals from Simon Quier, that all-time striker legend, two from Harald Axewielder, arguably the greatest Streetian footballer of all time, and left-winger Bjorn, his brother, who scored a long-shot from 35 metres. this was the first Cup of Harmony win where the captain retired afterwards - there would be another one, twelve years later.

#8 1-0 win over Evisceratomatoes, World Cup 10
#7 2-1 win over Spaam, World Cup 14, qualifying for second round
#6 Stu Underwood, World Cup 19
#5 Lovisa debacle, World Cup 15
#4 Opening ceremony, World Cup 13
#3 Nick Yu, World Cup 17
#2 Golden Keg Win, World Cup 12
#1 ???

~ Seraphim Draw with Marmadukes, prepare for quallifier final match. ~


Lovisa - Vilita 1-3
Gaian Ascendancy - Liamist States 1-1
Marligantis - Oaker 0-2 (friendly)



Group 10 P W D L GF-GAPts
Vilita 9 8 1 0 22-6 25 Qualified
Lovisa 9 6 1 2 25-10 19 Play-offs
--------------------------------------------
Oaker 8 5 0 3 13-9 15 Play-offs
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Liamist States 9 2 2 5 11-18 8 Eliminated
Gaian Ascendancy 9 2 1 6 8-18 7 Eliminated
Evalness 8 0 1 7 3-21 1 Eliminated


GANN Sports Desk: ~ Again we've been allowed an update for the Seraphim team, now that the battles with the Ravens have begun, news restrictions have been eased.

The national mood is muted as a result still, but the Republic is still interested in the happenings of it's heroes in the Cup. Under the pall and mood, the Gaians managed a Draw with Liamist today. With Sean Masaki the only Gaian scorer in the 66th minute to catch up to the Marmadukes who took the early 1 - 0 lead in the 27th minute.

The team is still refraining from conferences at the present, to abide by the information restrictions still in effect.

However as the Seraphim prepare for their final quallifer match with Evalness, the team had this to release with it's chosen roster for their final match of the Cup.

----

"We appologize for our sudden lack of conferences as of late, as it's not due to our failed attempt to capture third place. We cannot divulge more of the internal situation in the Republic, but know that we fully intend to continue participating in future cups, and thank the World Cup community, and the nations in Group 10 for their participation with us.

For Vilita, Lovisa and Oaker, we congratulate them for moving on to the Cup matches, and to cheer them on as representatives of the Group we were in.

But watch out for us next time around. We're still getting better with every match."

Coach Katya Kerensky
Gaian National Team (The Seraphims)

---

The final roster for the Evalness match:
--------
Keeper: (Home Guard)
GK: Kelse Howe

Defenders: (Shield)
RD: Lincon Dinor
LD: Julian Masaki
CD: Xan Tsgen

Midfielders: (Armor)
LM: Fasha Clark
RM: Eros Maine
CFM: Russel Issac
CRM: Pryde Tamara

Strikers: (Sword)
LF: Sean Masaki
RF: N`Buta Kerensky
CF: Ian Andersen

From the latest edition of the Daily NewSjwitz:

Greaves to aid Sjwitz to First Victory?


Simon Greaves was stormed by the media upon his arrival at the Oewftsjtad airport, before he got to answer any questions however, he was escorted out through a side exit and transported over to his new home, which ofcourse remains hidden for the public.

It's a pity really that the paperwork caused Simon to stay away for so long, the Sjwitz national team and in particular Steven Schmidt could have used his aid after yet again two draws. The first one quite a good result really, since it was against groupleaders The Eagles Nest who had so far not dropped a single point and were held to a 2-2 draw on their home ground. The fact that they were quite certain of becoming first and quite sure of qualification was probably an important factor. The other match was also a 2-2 draw but at home and against Talzeckia, a team that is well within Sjwitz' capabilities and yet again a game that should have been won.

Sjwitz will now surely end 6th or 7th in their group but they have one match left, a home match, against Gibberovia, the team currently in last place. A must win really. Greaves and Schmidt can't afford to lose or their capabilities will immediately be questioned. The average Sjwitz inhabitant seems to be confident in the new double coach system and a lot of people are betting on Sjwitz winning its first ever WCQual match. In the media however a lot of articles are already describing yet another possible negative result and the possible concequences. This will not just be a "match for last place".

Sjwitz' Matches:

MD 1: Commerce Heights - Sjwitz 5-1
MD 2: Sjwitz - Eauz 0-1
MD 3: Slaikau - Sjwitz 1-1
MD 4: Sjwitz - The Eagles Nest 1-3
MD 5: Talzeckia - Sjwitz 2-2
MD 6: Gibberovia - Sjwitz 2-0
MD 7: --- bye ---
MD 8: Sjwitz - Commerce Heights 1-2
MD 9: Eauz - Sjwitz 3-1
MD 10: Sjwitz - Slaikau 1-1
MD 11: The Eagles Nest - Sjwitz 2-2
MD 12: Sjwitz - Talzeckia 2-2
MD 13: Sjwitz - Gibberovia
MD 14: --- bye ---

On MD 13 the matches in Group 9 will be:
(with predicted scores)
Commerce Heights vs The Eagles Nest 1-2
Sjwitz vs Gibberovia 2-0
Eauz - Slaikau 2-0
Talzeckia gets a day off.

Standings:

Group 9 P W D L GF-GA Pts
1. The Eagles Nest 10 8 1 1 33-14 25
2. Eauz 10 7 1 2 20-9 22
--------------------------------------------
3. Commerce Heights 10 5 3 2 20-10 18
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
4. Slaikau 10 4 4 2 20-13 16
5. Talzeckia 11 2 3 6 18-27 9
6. Sjwitz 11 0 5 6 12-24 5
7. Gibberovia 10 1 1 8 6-32 4

InterCanton Press

Chicanada Eliminated, Settles for Tie in Allanea

Allanea [1] [1] Chicanada

Allanea:

Before the Kodiaks even took the field, they knew they were eliminated. And still feeling the sting from their previos "loss" the team manages only a sloppy 1-1 tie with lowly Allanea to guarantee 5th place in their qualifying group.

"Of course we're dissappointed with the tie and how the other games went down today," Coach Jesnui Viladetta said, "but we never expected to advance and we did as well as we could. We of course will be rallying for the teams in our region to do very well in the finals."

In order for Chicanada to have a chance to qualify Nonesuch Street and Starblaydia had to win over Melmond and Hiiraan. Instead, Hiiraan earned a 2-1 victory in NS while Melmond held on for a 1-1 tie with Starblaydia. Since both teams earned a point, it officially ended the Kodiaks' World Cup Dreams.

And that feeling carried into Allanea. The worn out team was outshot 16-5 and with only a lucky break here and there did Chicanada escape with a tie after going up 1-0 in the 6th minute. Allanea was scoreless until the 37th minute and both teams looked very worn out duing the second half.

Chicanada finally gets a slight break, as the team returns to Cana for a light workout tommorow before heading for their final qualifier. Most starters will be returning to their CFF squads and many reserves and members of the Under-21 squad will take on Rittarstan for their first international experience.

The Kodiaks go to Rittarstan on Tuesday for their final match before the team returns to their CFF squads. The match is scheduled for 2000 CST and will be carried live by Canal4 and CanaTV. Most football pitches will be open after CFF play to show the game live.

Group 6 P W D L GF-GA Pts
Starblaydia 10 7 2 1 26-7 23
Hiiraan 10 6 2 2 26-15 20
---------------------------------------------------
Nonesuch Street 10 6 1 3 17-16 19
---------------------------------------------------
Melmond 10 5 3 2 22-9 18
Chicanada 11 3 4 4 19-26 13
Allanea 11 1 1 9 6-24 4
Rittarstan 10 1 1 8 6-25 4

Eliminated


World Cup XXI Results:

MD01 @ Starblaydia (L 1-2)
MD02 v Nonesuch Street (L 2-3)
MD03 @ Hiiraan (W 2-1)
MD04 v Melmond (T 2-2)
MD05 v Allanea (W 2-1)
MD06 -
MD07 v Rittarstan (W 2-1)
MD08 v Starblaydia (T 3-3)
MD09 @ Nonesuch Street (L 1-0)
MD10 v Hiiraan (T 4-4)
MD11 @ Melmond (L 7-0)
MD12 @ Allanea (T 1-1)
MD13 -
MD14 @ Rittarstan

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/kylaai.jpgThe Reformed Islands of Kylaai

Goalkeeper: Mandoo Nania
Defenders: Lital Tirar, Hito Burrito, Vito Frito, Max
Midfielders: Rising Sun, Macala Moria, Tennence Fleiam, Norada-Fell
Attackers: Mazu Kazu, Vlanti Vimorta

Kylaai make the Play-offs!
Kylaai - Funny Looking Islands 1-0
Haperd - Kylaai 0-2

With two wins in a row against Funny Looking Islands and Haperd, Kylaai have made it so they will definately be in the play-offs, and perhaps with the best chance ever to make the World Cup. Kylaai have been very close the past three qualifying's by finishing just in 4th instead of 3rd even having the same points as third placed. Very uncucky Kylaai. Now Kylaai are still tied for points, but instead of 3rd it is for 1st. Audioslavia and Nova Britannicus have scored a tie and Kylaai is second but has more goals scored than Nova Britannicus. They are second place only because of more goals against. Kylaai can win the next game and CLINCH THE PLACE IN THE WORLD CUP FOR THE FIRST TIME! COME ON KYLAAI!. If Kylaai lose the next game, they can still make the World Cup just by not losing to Audioslavia, no matter what Nova Britannicus does. Kylaai are so close now, they can almost taste it. Will they be able to hold on for a spot in World Cup or will they fall just short on the final matchday, yet again.


Group 4 P W D L GF-GAPts
Nova Britannicus 10 6 3 1 17-4 21 Play-offs
Kylaai 10 6 3 1 18-7 21 Play-offs
--------------------------------------------
Audioslavia 10 5 2 3 15-12 17
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Haperd 10 4 1 5 9-11 13
Oceaice 11 4 0 7 12-17 12 Eliminated
Funny Looking Islands 11 3 1 7 6-16 10 Eliminated
Sonaron 10 3 0 7 6-16 9 Eliminated


Kylaai would like to thank the nation team Legalese. Kylaai are no longer a nudest nation even though they used to be and now wear clothes. Legalese has given Kylaai the clothes they will be wearing for the rest of the world cup, and here is a look at them. The sample is from team captain Norada-Fell.

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-2/961520/image001.gif

Makinshakes Presents...
The Ketchup Times
Now you can eat your fries and read the latest news around Melmond!

Fearless Farmers Trying to Ketchup at Makinshakes Stadium
Our flagship stadium here at the Ketchup Times, Makinshakes Stadium, who's naming rights were bought by Makinshakes, the famous Melmond fast food chain which has the great burgers and unbelievable milkshakes, was the host for the Fearless Farmers next attempt at getting the ball rolling in their favor once again. It was a blustery overcast fall day in the city of O'Connor as the Fearless Farmers hosted Rittarstan, a team overcheiving in consideration that they are actually fighting to stay out of last place whereas most publications predicted them not getting a point. Well, this match was more of the same for both sides, Rittarstan overacheiving and Melmond underacheving. Despite that, the Fearless Farmers do get three points in front of their home crowd in an oddly disappointing match. Melmond wins 2-nil, but most of the fans were disappointed that they weren't able to beat such a lowly side by more than that as goal differential is becoming increasingly important. The Rittarstanis played some inspired football throughout the first half, keeping the Fearless Farmers scoreless. However, by the second half, the talent gap between the two sides became very evident as Melmond got as much control of the match as they could despite their little mistakes such as inaccurate passing and a couple yellow cards which were earned by Debora Unne and Bob Fillyfoo, who has returned to the starting lineup. However, the Rittarstanis were sucking on air to keep pace, and the bumbling Fearless Farmers finally figured out ways of getting the ball into the net, the first goal a long strike by Melmond midfielder Bob Fillyfoo. The second goal was a corner kick poorly cleared by the fist of the Rittarstani goalkeeper and ended up in the feet of Melmond defender Charles Unne, who kicks in a rare goal off the deflection. Pressure to boot David Bixler increases despite the Fearless Farmers moving to one of the automatic qualifying spots in their group.

MFA Won't Boot Bixler, But They Will Give The Entire Team the Boot
No, this does not mean that all the players on the national team are off the team, what we mean is that the Melmond Footballing Association has taken a very drastic measure to publically show that this team is going to get whipped in to shape. The Melmondian Army's most psychotic drill sergeant, Sgt. Houlihan "Houlie" Goon, who's gained popularity in the wildly popular boot camp weight loss show "Capitalist Pig," where Melmond's heaviest CEOs are put under his command and made to sweat as if they were being indicted for money laundering. He is come to whip the Fearless Farmers back in shape, by making the players do drills such as dribbling the football through the cones while carrying him on one of those portable thrones and staying with the farmer theme, he will use a cattle prod to get a player or coach who he perceives as slacking. Some of the players have reported injuries, but in fear of a verbal smear campaign by Sgt. Houlie Goon, they have kept the who and what to themselves and say that they haven't been more ready to take on the footballing world.

Now That's What I Am Talking Aboot!
The Fearless Farmers came in front of the sold out crowd at Anachronism Park in Cali a rejuvenated side. Whatever pain or affliction the harsh, sadistic treatment of Sgt. Houlie Goon was not shown on the faces or in the play of the Fearless Farmers who proceeded to give the boot to any shred of hope the Chicanadans may have had in their footballing careers with a 7-nil drubbing that hasn't been seen since Praying2God got food poisoning during the first Cup of Harmony in Melmond. A fearless farmer faithful with a different color green, which they call their farmer fatigues in salute of the drill sergeant. The Fearless Farmers were an efficient football playing machine, with the defence eviscerating the Chicanada attack and the Melmond attack making minced meat out of the Chicanada backline. Melmond striker Gene MacDougall scored all the goals in the first half, scoring a hat trick by using his head. That's right, all three of his goals in the first half were done by headers, one being a header from a cross and two headers done by corner kicks. The second half continued the massacre, as midfielder Jake Cormier dribbled through the defeated looking Chicanada backline and put the ball in the far left upper corner of the net well out of the reach of Chicanada goalkeeper Jilin Dumaire. Melmond striker Gene MacDougall struck again as he gets his fourth goal by converting a clever back heel from Melmond midfielder Pauline Hulme. Cormier will strike again himself after converting a free kick to give Melmond the six-nil lead. However, the man of the match was clearly Gene MacDougall, who ended his five goal night with an exclamation point by converting a low cross from fellow striker Debora Unne with a bicycle kick. Melmond has renewed hope with the 7-nil victory leading into their match against the first place team from Starblaydia.

OOC- Stupid computer wiped out my lengthy RP. :mad: The Praying2God announcers continue their uncanny knack for being able to predict the winner and final score. :p

IC-

WARRIORS WIN WAR AGAINST TADJIKISTAN

The Praying2God Warriors came from behind yesterday to upset Tadjikistan at the House of Prayer before a capacity crowd of 95,000. The Warriors were drasticly outplayed in the first half, as they displayed a lack of having any energy at all. However, Sarah Walker was up to her usual high level, and kept the Warriors within 0-1 at the half. The second half was a drastic turn around. The first several minutes were evenly played, but after Amanda Tracy scored in the 69th minute when Thomas Larson found her on a cross, all the momentum shifted to the Warriors. It was only a matter of time until the Warriors took the lead and the three points that went with it. They had to wait until the 85th minute, when Larson scored (yet another) match-winning goal for the Warriors when Kelly Carter fed him at the edge of the box and his shot found the top left corner of the net. The Warriors are now alone in fourth place, three points clear of Adam Island. However, they are still two points behind Tadjikistan and Giant Zucchini, with a game in hand on GZ. However, the Warriors closing two matches are not going to be easy, and they might need to win them both, or at least take four points, to have any chance of qualifying. Actually, by winning both matches the Warriors would take third place away from GZ, regardless of the result of their last match. However, the Warriors' matches are at Turori, who will be out for revenge, as they have nothing else to play for, being assured of an automatic bid already into the finals, and at the House of Prayer against Adam Island, who might have nothing to play for by that time, pending on the results of the next set of matches.


Praying2God 2 Tracy (69), Larson (85)
Tadjikistan 1 <player> (37)

The Daily Druid

BELMORE FEARS PLAY-OFFS
Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po reports.

With just two games of qualifying for World Cup 21 still remaining, Druida Rainbows manager Trevor Belmore has spoken out about his side's final two qualifying games against Oddslavo and Finrods. After winning narrowly against Ratvipa, the rainbows could only manage a draw against Total n Utter Insanity who, because of the remaining fixture list, are certain of a place in the finals.

Belmore is worried for Druida, though. The prospect of going into the draw for the play-offs doesn't excite him one bit, and if his side don't win both of their last two games, the play-offs will probably be where they end up.

"If we make it into the play-offs, it would be a disaster," Belmore told us. "I know, it sounds pretty ridiculous, as we'd still have a chance of making it through, but one look at some of the opposition we'd be facing is enough to make me mess my pants. Rejistania, Audioslavia, Commerce Heights... it pains me just thinking about it."

And so, the big one. Make or break for Druida, against Oddslavo. Lose and it'll be the play-offs at best. Draw, and who knows, Druida could just fluke a place if things go their way. Win, and they're in the driving seat. Which way will it go? Probably not ours, looking at some of the results we've seen in this campaign, but one thing's for sure, we'll be giving it our damn hardest try!

Games so far...

Matchday 1: Druida 5-0 Naglegrad
Matchday 2: Obsessed Muse Groupies 0-3 Druida
Matchday 4: Ratvipa 1-5 Druida
Matchday 5: Total n Utter Insanity 1-2 Druida
Matchday 6: Oddslavo 2-2 Druida
Matchday 7: Druida 0-1 Finrods
Matchday 8: Naglegrad 1-0 Druida
Matchday 9: Druida 4-0 Obsessed Muse Groupies
Matchday 11: Druida 2-1 Ratvipa
Matchday 12: Druida 1-1 Total n Utter Insanity

...top scorers...

6 - Max Chilver
4 - Trefor Montenegro
4 - Trefor Defnyddiwch
3 - Trevor Law
3 - Dan Northfleet
2 - Rhys Owens
1 - Trevor Ng
1- Trevor Walker

...and still to come.

Matchday 13: Oddslavo (h)
Matchday 14: Finrods (a)

Jeruselem Government News

I really Lykaia

OK, it's stupid headline. Lykaia = Like you, get it?

Today Jeruselem played rival Lykaia in an important game to decide the top 3 in Group 1 of World Cup. If Lykaia won, it would mean Jeruselem would have trouble with One Red Dot and El Cid in the last two games. If Jeruselem won, it would things easier for Jeruselem.

Did Louis Levant's team choke and let Lykaia have a shot a world cup glory? NO! They won 2-1 and lead Lykaia by 6 points and the dots by 3. Yes, we can crash out from here but Lykaia need to win their next two games as they can also knock out One Red Dot too.

El Cid and One Red Dot met to see who was boss and it was a chance for dots to hand El Cid a loss. This didn't happen but El Cid held off the dots for a 1 ALL draw and earned itself an automatic spot in the top 3. However with Jeruselem 1 point behind, they can lose top spot.

Antaeus Rising beat Danieljoh 2-0 in a "Dead game" and Krazie had the bye.

If Jeruselem get another win, it is guaranteed a top 3 position and 2nd spot, even maybe be THE TOP DOG. Lykaia do have an easier run than Jeruselem, but this is a team that have made it past the qualifiers from World Cup 18. We are not the losers of the past anymore!

Group 1
One Red Dot - EL CID THE HERO 1-1
Lykaia - Jeruselem 1-2
Danieljoh - Antaeus Rising 0-2


Group 1 P W D L GF-GAPts
EL CID THE HERO 10 7 1 2 22-7 22 Play-offs
Jeruselem 10 6 3 1 17-11 21
--------------------------------------------
One Red Dot 10 5 3 2 18-9 18
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lykaia 10 4 3 3 18-11 15
Antaeus Rising 11 4 2 5 15-19 14 Eliminated
Krazie 10 2 2 6 12-30 8 Eliminated
Danieljoh 11 0 2 9 7-22 2 Eliminated

[OOC: Apologies for a basic RP. Better one tomorrow, I promise.]

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

Quartered Army Marches On

SEVEN points out of nine. Not bad as the Caledonians overtake Spaam for a playoff place. Can they do it? HELL YES!

Kipto-Mare 2-2 Krytenia
Neasden 33, Van Staveren 62

Krytenia 2-0 Anarquistan
Persson 12, Xousa 22

Spurland 1-2 Krytenia
Valacci 70, Neasden 86

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/wc16bids/Kry2005.jpg

QUALIFYING SCORERS
P. Neasden - 7
K. Xousa - 4
D. Van Staveren - 3
S. Persson - 2
T. Goodley - 1
I. Valacci - 1

QUALIFYING - GROUP 7
H v Krakatou - W 4-0
-BYE-
H v Kipto-Mare - L 1-2
A v Anarquistan - L 0-1
H v Spurland - L 1-2
H v Spaam - W 2-1
H v Dance 2 Revolution - W 3-1
A v Krakatou - W 1-0
-BYE-
A v Kipto-Mare - D 2-2
H v Anarquistan - W 2-0
A v Spurland - W 2-1
A v Spaam - ?????
A v Dance 2 Revolution - ?????

The temple of Vanirakansa was still lying in darkness as the monks got up and started their morning routines and their prayers. Before the breakfast, priest Lamana made an announcement, which should severely change the lifes in the KaMaRian temple. The remenike for Margaret was over. The high priest for the random numbers died before Snub Nose 38 dissolved and now the time passed in which the Rejistanis could be sure that her soul was reincarnated. This means that she has to be found. Not knowing Inikresaism or Vanirakansa, she invented her own expressions and symbols, but it was clear that her praying referred to the same deity, they worshiped. The reincarnation of Margaret would be someone worth finding... only she could be the next High priest. Delegations of monks were sent to different places of the world to find her reincarnation.

Zucchinis Still On Course

Gominsha struck in the second half as Giant Zucchini's World Cup qualifying efforts was given a massive shot in the arm with victory at Gilgrado.

But the undoubted star of the show was Perles with his pace and trickery exposing the Gilgrado defence time and again, setting up several chances for strike partner Yusebo who had a wasteful afternoon.

The Gilgrado striker was enduring a similar afternoon for the visitors, although his inability to score owed much to some outstanding saves from goalkeeper Binks - especially in the second half.

The action at both ends made for a thrilling encounter and the first chance arrived with just 45 seconds on the clock.

Gilgrado shrugged off a tackle from Badenfauer before feeding their striker who was well saved by Binks.

Berisi floated a dangerous cross to Yusebo at the far post, but the towering marksman was penalised by the referee for climbing over a defender and Perles blasted over moments later.

Gominsha and Perles were finding space as the Zucchinis enjoyed the occasional foray into Gilgrado territory, but the home side was on top during the opening 15 minutes with a header being scrambled to safety by Badenfauer.

There was panic in the Gilgrado defence a heartbeat later, however, when Perles tricked his way out of a dead end - leaving two defenders for dead in the process - and fired a pass to Yusebo.

The striker was inches from the ball but just could not make up the ground while Gominsha and Perles failed with their follow-up efforts, the former falling on the floor as he pulled the trigger.

Buoyed by the opportunity, The Zucchinis pressed ahead once again with Yusebo striding into space only to attempt an unlikely shot when Perles was unmarked and ready to pounce from close range to his right.

Giant Zucchini fans vented their anger in the 25th minute when the Gilgrado keeper restarted play despite seeing Mave being spread-eagled on the pitch beside him and Gilgrado nearly profited from the move.

The ball found the Gilgrado striker who had just Binks to beat, but the marksman's shot clipped the Zucchinis' back-up keeper and Gilgrado missed a glorious chance to snatch the lead.

The left back fired a powerful shot off-target with their striker screaming for the ball to his left, but while Gilgrado were finding room to exploit in the Zucchinis' defence, they were also leaving themselves exposed at the back.

Yusebo nearly threaded his way through and Perles went close in the 33rd minute, gathering Berisi's pass before trying to lob the onrushing Gilgrado keeper who managed to grab the ball from the air.

The Gilgrado striker used his strength to barge past Sarnos but no-one was at home for his cross and at the other end Perles was shoved off the ball as he attempted to convert Yusebo's pass.

Berisi gave the referee an earful after he declined to award him a 43rd-minute penalty and Yusebo proved wasteful again in first-half injury time, hitting Perles' square ball wide.

Gilgrado tested Binks with a curling effort from the edge of the area and also scooped a shot off-target as Gilgrado made a bright start to the second half, but it was the Zucchinis who took the lead against the run of play.

Kryff limped off with Beter coming on and the substitute made an instant impact, picking up Perles' pass and finding Gominsha at the near post, and he steered a header past the Gilgrado keeper.

Gilgrado was soon given the opportunity to level matters but his blistering drive was well saved by Binks and when play swung back to the other end, it was the Gilgrado keeper's turn to perform heroics by denying Yusebo.

Gilgrado fashioned another opportunity but Binks was on hand to save once again and the Gilgrado striker continued to enjoy a glut of possession only to be frustrated by the Zucchinis' determined defence.

The Gilgrado coach had substituted on another striker who could have equalised with four minutes to go, but Binks was on hand yet again to deny Gilgrado who launched a flurry of late attacks.

They poured forward in a thrilling finale to what had been a pulsating encounter, but the Zucchinis' resolute defending allowed them to finish the afternoon with three points they just about deserved.


Final score:

Gilgrado - 0


Giant Zucchini - 1
Gominsha (51)

Man of the Match: Perles

Weak Slaves Limp On
Three Wins from Last Seven Games, 'Slaves Lose Touch With Leaders

Having been thumped 3-1 by Nova Britannicus when Audioslavia played them at home, the 'slaves had the difficult task of getting points from them in Nova's back yard last night. They succeeded to a certain extent, getting a point from them and putting themselves four ahead of fourth-placed Haperd with two games to go, but it wasn't a pretty match.


Audioslavia 4-4-2
-----------------------------
| 22 |
| Celta |
| |
| 6 5 |
| 2 Ceulemans Johnstone 3 |
|Colgan Carel |
| |
| 10 20 11 |
| Marriot Battle Jansen |
| |
| 19 |
| Jeroen |
| 17 9 |
| Cesare McLlroy |
| |
-----------------------------
| 9 |
| Jones |
| 11 10 |
| La Salle Pompey |
| |
| 8 7 |
| Cochran Lamphear |
| |
| 4 |
| Powers |
| 3 2 |
|Gooner 5 6 Monterrey|
| Zimbod Johnson |
| 1 |
| Cavaletti |
-----------------------------
Nova Britannicus 4-3-3

Nova and Audio contrived to make the first half as dull as dishwater, the new look 'slavian side taking time to pull together whilst the Nova Britannicus team never looked like they wanted to go on the attack. When they did however, they found they could pull apart the once impenetrable defence with ease, as Jones demonstrated by finishing off a slick move past new goalkeeper Gabe Celta.

Other than that, the 'slaves defence looked solid, it was their midfield that was letting them down. Marriot's new position on the wing took the pressure off of the man who's sole responsibility used to be to get the ball to the attackers or in the goal. Back in his old position on the wing, Marriot looked more comfortable on the ball, but his old guile and passion seemed to be lacking. New-boy central midfielder Jack Battle proved a better choice than his predecessors Oran Crevan, Arie Voshond and Brogan Caibre, but he still lacks the experience to gel properly with the players around him. Jeroen and Jansen were as important as ever, but more often than not they were found wanting as the NB midfield crowded them out well.

A goal down at half-time, the 'slaves reverted to 4-3-3, with Alec Bull replacing Marriot and moving to Jeroen's position, letting the number nineteen slip back to the right hand side. The formation worked well enough for the 'slaves to get back in with a goal, Jackie McLlroy collecting a Bull through-ball and slotting it past Cavaletti for the equaliser.

It would be the first of two or three good chances for the 'slaves in the second half. Jeroen had a free-header turned away off the line on the hour mark, before an eightieth minute corner-kick almost resulted in a rare Arne Carel goal, the left-back sending a raking volley near - but just over - the goal.

So the match stayed at one-one until the end. Not the greatest match the 'slaves will ever play, and it does give hope for the future, but it really isn't close to what the people of Audioslavia expect from the national side.

FINAL SCORE
NOVA BRITANNICUS 1 (Jones 30)
AUDIOSLAVIA 1 (McLlroy 53)

I know you really don't want to see this, but we really must show it to you:
Nova Britannicus 10 6 3 1 17-4 21 Play-offs
Kylaai 10 6 3 1 18-7 21 Play-offs
--------------------------------------------
Audioslavia 10 5 2 3 15-12 17
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Haperd 10 4 1 5 9-11 13
Oceaice 11 4 0 7 12-17 12 Eliminated
Funny Looking Islands 11 3 1 7 6-16 10 Eliminated
Sonaron 10 3 0 7 6-16 9 Eliminated

There. Audioslavia, a team who have got to the final of both the last two world cups, a team who has been ranked number one in the world - on and off - for eight years, a team who has not dropped out of the world's top ten since World Cup 11... find themselves struggling to keep up with Kylaai and just keeping afloat above Haperd. Audioslavia find themselves in some kind of no-mans land. Four points and two dotted lines seperate them from top of fourth position. Had Haperd or Oceaice won any of their last two games we might even be seeing them in fifth place now, looking back nervously at Funny Looking Islands.

Thats enough bitterness and scare-mongering, now lets look at what the 'slaves have to do to qualify for the tournament outright:

1: Beat Haperd at home.
Any result would suffice here, whether 1-0 or 10-0, the 'slaves have to win. They have vary little chance of getting back the deficit in goal difference over Kylaai or Nova Britannicus so it isn't worth talking about too much unless the 'slaves draw. In which case they'll need to make it all up in the final game against Kylaai.

2: Watch the Kylaai Vs Nova Britannicus game
This match between the two top sides won't decide too much. Whatever the scoreline, the two teams will still have enough chance of surpassing each other in the final game of the season. The best possible result for Audioslavia would be a draw or a Nova Britannicus win, which would give Audioslavia the straightforward task of having to beat Kylaai in the final game to progress to the tournament outright.

3: Beat Kylaai in the last match
If Audioslavia beat Haperd next week, and Nova Britannicus win or draw with Kylaai, then the 'slaves will need to beat the Kylaains on matchday twelve. A draw or a loss will certainly leave the 'slaves in third place, needing a third-place-playoff to get into the finals. Should Kylaai win their match against Nova Britannicus, then the 'slaves still need to win, but they will also require Haperd to defeat NB in the final game to be sure of going through.

Its all there in black and white, now all we need to do is learn how to win again. Played 10 won 5 is really not good enough.

Just for an afterthought, the 'slaves dont have third place wrapped up either. They play fourth team Haperd next week, and a loss would put them in real trouble. Not only would it mean they would fall out of reach of the top two, but it would also mean a bad result on the last day would put Haperd through in third.

Bugger. Anyway, sleep tight bitches!

Vikings secure play-off appearence with win over The Belmore Family

Mike Nolan came up with the clutch shot in the final minutes of the match that provided to be the turner. With time stoppage looming, Nolan recieved a pass off of a loose ball recovery from Jason Mitchell, and hooked in the shot from 20 feet away to give the Vikings a 1-0 victory over the fading Belmore Family. The win has garunteed the Vikings at least a playoff spot, and Squornshelous beating Iansisle helped put Fmjphoenix even closer to qualification.

The match was another defensive struggle, as the Vikings are beginning to play more physically and aggresivly on the defend, something they lacked the previous years. It was not until the final 10 minutes of the match did it heat up. A TBF forward took a long shot, but it was deflected easily by Powell Lamar. Tra Miranda came up with the ball and was meet by two rushing attackers. Miranda just launched the ball up into the air and it sailed down over midfield onto TBF's side of the pitch, where it was collected by Mitchell, after faking out a defender, he fired a pass to Nolan. He headbutted it over another oncoming defender before taking a long shot that hooked over the goalkeeper. TBF could not muster anything past midfield as the Vikings trapped them every time they tried to advance. It was a great game, and even though it was not the offensive surge the fans were hoping for, they welcomed the win with many cheers.

The Vikings now have to face the top seed in the group, Squornshelous. They handed Fmjphoenix a mean 3-1 defeat at home last time, so now the Vikings the opportunity to return the favor. A draw against Squornshelous on matchday 13, a draw against Iansisle on matchday 14, or a loss by Iansisle on either day will bring qualification for Fmjphoenix. The Vikings will be hard pressed to play their best football and look like they may finally qualify for the second round for the first time.

Fmjphoenix: 1
(Nolan 87)

The Belmore Family: 1
(None)

Fmjphoenix Qualification Run:
MD01: --Bye--
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Five Civilized Nations Draw 2-2
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Bryn Shander Win 1-0
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Nifty Nick Win 4-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ The Belmore Family Draw 2-2
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Squornshelous Lose 1-3
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Iansisle Draw 1-1
MD08: --Bye--
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Five Civilized Nations Win 1-0
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Bryn Shander Win 4-1
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Nifty Nick Win 5-0
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs The Belmore Family Win 1-0
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Squornshelous
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Iansisle
Away: 2-3-0
Home: 4-0-1
Record: 6-3-1

Stars fail to shine against Legalese

Three World Cup qualifying campaigns ago, the Sarzonian national team was in Legalese for the first-ever match between those two countries and expected an easy win. Unfortunately for Stars supporters, that win was non-existent as the Black and Red pulled off a shocker, winning 5-2.

Since then, the stakes have changed. Legalese is now consistently a team on the brink of World Cup qualifying and acknowledged as a tough match against any team they face. They proved it once again by beating Sarzonia for the first time since that infamous match, sending the Stars into a must-win situation with a 3-2 victory.

"This loss hurts," Coach Dave Wilson said. "We're not going to fall into the trap of expecting these wins to be easy. We know for a fact they aren't. Now we have to win the next two matches. It's really that simple."

The loss knocked the Stars from a favourable position to clinch one of the two automatic berths in the finals of World Cup XXI and sent the team into third place. Sarzonia now must face The Lowland Clans away and regional neighbours Crystilakere at Hendrix Stadium in Woodstock. The Stars drew the previous match against The Lowland Clans and defeated the Crystils 4-3 away.

"Our hardest matches are on the backend," midfielder Darwin Russell said. "We knew that coming in. Now we have to take care of business or we'll miss out on the World Cup." Playing the Crystils at Hendrix could be helpful, midfielder Bobby Convey said, but "they're going to be out for revenge since we won away."

the following actions happened between the hours of 8pm and 9pm.

Doomhammer enters the ECFA building with his feet muddy and his face red. S.Sam is wateing in the "departur lounge"

SS: Sir. Were have you been in the last week.

DH: Its a long story and i don't want to go into it!

SS: But sir...

DH: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

SS: ok, ok.

DH: So, how are we doing?

SS: were at the top of the group and will at least make the playoffs

DH: Good, so were doing well.

SS: Yes but Jerusalem are only 1 point behind and we have a match with them on MD14

DH: That’ll be close then. If we beat them we finish top. If they beat us they finish top.

SS: short of.

DH: who do we play on MD13

SS: that would be Lykaia sir

DH: good. Now get me some good boots.

Matchday 12 is over, scores for matchday 13 (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8381114&postcount=15) are here.

Pride Extend Streak
Make good use of rest day, beat FLI on road to run streak to 3
The Sonaron Pride scored their third consecutive shutout victory in this World Cup Qualifying, defeating Funny Looking Islands 1-0 on the road. Robertson scored his fourth goal of qualifying after a beautiful pass from Sandra Carter left him alone with the FLI keeper in the fifty-second minute. Robertson buried the ball in the upper left hand corner, providing the winning margin. With the victory, the Pride are guaranteed to not finish last in their qualifying group, and have the opportunity to finish as high as fourth place.

"I'm just totally proud of this team," Coach Raizor said at the post-game press conference. "Despite staring the all time futility record in the eyes, this team has kept fighting, and they're now reaping the rewards of their labor. I have every confidence that this team can earn its first international victory within Sonaron borders next week to close out qualifying."

The Pride's final game of World Cup XXI will be played at Izlon Tech Stadium, where recent renovations have expanded seating capacity to 65,000 seats. When asked why they would play in Izlon when Rhovani's 75,000 seat capacity is expected to be available, team officials refused to comment. A source close to the team indicated that the ongoing investigation into recent incidents at Rhovani Stadium has revealed some evidence of foul play and Rhovani authorities have asked the stadium be closed until the investigation can be concluded. No suspects have been announced in connection with any of the recent accidents at Rhovani Stadium.

Scoring, FLI:
52': Robertson 4 (Carter, S 1, Douglas 5)

Pride (4-0-7 -9, 6th place)
Schedule:
WC XXI Group 4
MD01: @ Kylaai (W 2-1)
MD02: v Nova Britannicus (L 0-1)
MD03: @ Audioslava (L 0-2)
MD04: v Haperd (L 0-2)
MD05: --REST DAY--
MD06: v Funny Looking Islands (L 0-2)
MD07: @ Oceaice (L 0-3)
MD08: v Kylaai (L 0-3)
MD09: @ Nova Britannicus (L 0-2)
MD10: v Audioslava (W 3-0)
MD11: @ Haperd (W 1-0)
MD12: --REST DAY--
MD13: @ Funny Looking Islands (W 1-0)
MD14: v Oceaice

Vikings draw Squornshelous, qualify for second round for first time

In the most important match in their qualification, the Vikings managed to walk away with a first, qualification. Even though they played away, a signifigant number of fans in the crowd had mad the long trip to watch their team attempt to defeat the #1 seed in the group, and they narrowly made pulled of the upset. Walking away with 1 point is still enough for the Vikings, as they only needed 1 point to ensure automatic qualification. Jorge Mendel scored the lone goal for the Vikings as they drew with the Pschychoes 1-1.

The match started very sluggishly for the Vikings, as they were feeling jetlagged from travel. Due to tough challenges by Bobby Bash, Tra Miranda, Wei Zeng, and Ryan Fremont, starting in for Esteban Zeus, who did not travel with the team for the match due to a death in his family. The Pschychoes attacking trio of Jako Arnesson, Trevor Gerrard, and Alexander Popov were stifled by the strength and fury of challenges. Even though there was no scoring in the first half, it was exciting as the ball was running loose all over the field for much of the first half. Many times the ball would barely reach midfield before it was kicked deep into the other side of the pitch just to happen again. The first half closed with a hard kick from 34 feet by Popov that nearly beat out Powell Lamar, but time ran out before the ball got there and Squornshelous barely missed out on a chance to take a lead and momentum at the end of the half.

Both teams came out in the second half looking more refreshed, as if the first half was a warm up. The Pschychoes would strike first by Arnesson. Lamar caught a shot by Popov, but when he tossed it in downfield to Carlos Santos, it was intercepted by Scott Neese. He was flanked by Arnesson and when Neese was slide challenged by Bash, he passed back to Arnesson who continute forward and took a shot that gave the Pschychoes the lead at 62 minutes. But Coach Wash kept his team together. He called them over for a little pep talk. Noone would discuss what was said in the talk, but the team came out with a vengence. The Vikings went on an all out attack, brining everyone except Lamar forth. The flurry of players in green and blue had Squornshelous in a mild degree of shock. It took close to five minutes, but after a deflected shot by Mike Nolan was recovered by Mendel, he took a shot from the box that sailed right by Manuel Batista to tie it up at 1 each at the 67th minute. After the all out attack, the Vikings reverted to a 4-4-2, keeping Nolan and Brown on the attack and brining Quinten Bell into the match to utilized his speed on the pitch. Neither team came close until the Vikings had one last surge in time stoppage, but it was stopped short when Nolan's shot went wide right and the whistle blew. The Vikings had gotten over a large hurdle in the Pschychoes, as they are the only team to defeat the Vikings so far this cup. The 10,000 fans that were in green and blue from Fmjphoenix went nuts as they tried to rush onto the field, but were held back by security.

With the draw, the top two spots in group 5 have been figured out. The Pschychoes have earned the top spot of the group with the Vikings right behind them. The playoff spot is betweeh Iansisle and Five Civilized Nations. Fmjphoenix will close off the qualification round against Iansisle. Even though they have qualified for Cockbill Street and Lethislavania, Coach Wash will play his starting eleven for the match against Iansisle.

"Just because we have secured qualification does not mean that the match still is not important. We want to give the fans something to cheer for for the final match at home. Iansisle will be coming out with everything they have because their qualification hopes lie in the match." Coach Wash's words on the upcoming match with Iansisle.

Fmjphoenix: 1
(Mendel 67)

Squornshelous: 1
(Arnesson 62)

Fmjphoenix Qualification Run:
MD01: --Bye--
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Five Civilized Nations Draw 2-2
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Bryn Shander Win 1-0
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Nifty Nick Win 4-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ The Belmore Family Draw 2-2
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Squornshelous Lose 1-3
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Iansisle Draw 1-1
MD08: --Bye--
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Five Civilized Nations Win 1-0
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Bryn Shander Win 4-1
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Nifty Nick Win 5-0
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs The Belmore Family Win 1-0
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Squornshelous Draw 1-1
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Iansisle
Away: 2-4-0
Home: 4-0-1
Record: 6-4-1

~ Seraphims finish off run on a winning note ~


Group 10
Lovisa - Oaker 2-0
Vilita - Marligantis 1-0
Gaian Ascendancy - Evalness 2-0



Group 10 P W D L GF-GAPts
Vilita 9 8 1 0 22-6 25
Lovisa 10 7 1 2 27-10 22
Oaker 9 5 0 4 13-11 15
Gaian Ascendancy 10 3 1 6 10-18 10
Liamist States 9 2 2 5 11-18 8
Evalness 9 0 1 8 3-23 1
Big Pimento 0 0 0 0 0-0 0


----

GANN Sports Desk: ~ This day was a day dedicated to the warriors of the Tourman who gave their lives in the battles of the Trial of Possessions against Clan Snow Raven. The effect of that battle are still being felt in ripples across the Ascendancy, and was honored at Gaian National Stadium at Jurai`alheim prior to the match with Evalness.

The match was essentially a repeat of the prior face off with Evalness, though Gaian National Stadium was jampacked with fans, celebrating the teams fortunes, as well as the removal of all cerfew restrictions on Gaian society.

They had much to celebrate, as Ian Andersen nearly scored a hattrick today, taking goals at the 35th and 46th minutes of the match, and the Gaian 3-4-3 destroying the Evalness cohesion on the field. Despite not advancing further, the team was full of patriotism and fanatisicm as the Seraphim displayed the best of what Gaian spirit is all about.

After the match, a ceremony was held to dedicate a thanks to the World Cup, as well again, the memory of the fallen warriors against the former Ravens. They also gave condolences to the Kerensky family for their sacrifice, even though it's only rumormill at this point.

As for this announcer, and for all we are broadcasting to, it's good to be back, and we await more matches by the Seraphim in the coming future. We'll also keep eye on the Cup itself, and bring you all the news and reactions. Also we await to hear about the Gaian entry into the U21 circuit, as well as further Cup entries.

This is the Sports Desk, ending our coverage of the Gaian national team for now, but will be back covering more soon. Now back to the news desk concerning the Raven..............

From the Daily NewSjwitz:

Sjwitz not Qualified, Crowd goes Wild


With one game to go and trailing by ... a whole lot. Sjwitz' faith was already sealed and the possibilities of qualifying for the World Cup had long since faded away. The last game however wasn't one without importance, the Sjwitz team had been playing well throughout the tournament but was just not good enough for their tougher and more experienced opponents or sometimes just unlucky. Many well known commentators were describing this team as one of the most underestimated, mainly due to the fact that the team had only managed to gain 5 points out of a possible 33. Based on their performance however, many experts were saying that the team could at that point already have gained up to 15 points, some even say 20. Reality however proved otherwise but the Sjwitz' supporters were not expecting their team to end with yet another draw or even a loss in the last official game of Sjwitz in this tournament. The game was to be played at home against Gibberovia, the only team behind Sjwitz and the crowd was especially looking forward to the possible new tactics that the new coaching duo Schmidt and Greaves were about to use. A win was a must.

The fact that the Gibberovian team had really nothing to play for, well, the honour not to become last in the group if anything, must have played a role ofcourse, but to be honest, the Sjwitz team was flying! It would have taken a good Eauz, Eagles Nest or Commerce to keep this side from winning. The combinations were splendid, the passes were millimeterperfect and the tackles were often taking the ball away from the Gibberovian team. Schmidt and Graeves had opted for the old Schmidt-style offensive triangle, but a few positions were filled by other players this time. Most remarkanbly, in goal stood Tom Oz, who gained his first ever cap at the expense of Frank Blurr, until then the only keeper ever to play for Sjwitz. He made one great save in the game but never saw the ball for the other 85 minutes of the game.


Oz


Reitsma Hamm Peeters Svensson


Morrgh
Ünterberger < - > DiLuciano
Ghornn Sjwitzer

Bingk


The Gibberovian team was no match for the Sjwitz Soccerstars on the evening, it took 17 minutes for the crowd to go wild for the first time, Roman Bingk heading in a corner. After 23 minutes it was Marco DiLuciano who managed to put his left foot against the ball in a mixed up phase where about 15 players where in the Gibberovian penalty area, 2-0 and at that time the Gibberovian players were already thinking of going home. The Sjwitz team missed a few big chances then, Yves Ghornn and Roman Bingk both messing up good open shots. After 38 minutes however the game was definitely over as Jimmy Sjwitzer now managed to head in the ball, magnificently out of reach of the Gibberovian keeper and the 3-0 was on the scoreboard.

After the break the Sjwitz team just kept going where they had stopped 15 minutes before. It proved to be Roman Bingk's evening as he managed to score three more goals in the second half, the first and last easy tap ins after some great dribbling work by Ghornn and Sjwitzer. The middle one after firing in a free kick which got deflected on a Gibberovian foot and completely put the keeper without any chance.

In the end the crowd was cheering, but again, some people were wondering, why didn't they start earlier with this? If the team had played like this for the whole tournament it would have been very hard to end as low as sixth!


Sjwitz' Matches:

MD 1: Commerce Heights - Sjwitz 5-1
MD 2: Sjwitz - Eauz 0-1
MD 3: Slaikau - Sjwitz 1-1
MD 4: Sjwitz - The Eagles Nest 1-3
MD 5: Talzeckia - Sjwitz 2-2
MD 6: Gibberovia - Sjwitz 2-0
MD 7: --- bye ---
MD 8: Sjwitz - Commerce Heights 1-2
MD 9: Eauz - Sjwitz 3-1
MD 10: Sjwitz - Slaikau 1-1
MD 11: The Eagles Nest - Sjwitz 2-2
MD 12: Sjwitz - Talzeckia 2-2
MD 13: Sjwitz - Gibberovia 6-0
MD 14: --- bye ---

On MD 14 the matches in Group 9 will be:
Slaikau vs Commerce Heights
The Eagles Nest vs Eauz
Gibberovia vs Talzeckia
Sjwitz gets a day off.

Standings:

Group 9 P W D L GF-GA Pts
1. The Eagles Nest 11 8 1 2 33-16 25
2. Eauz 11 7 2 2 21-10 23
--------------------------------------------
3. Commerce Heights 11 6 3 2 22-10 21
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
4. Slaikau 11 4 5 2 21-14 17
5. Talzeckia 11 2 3 6 18-27 9
6. Sjwitz 12 1 5 6 18-24 8
7. Gibberovia 11 1 1 9 6-38 4


As it looks now The Eagles Nest and Eauz will be the qualifiers with Commerce Heights up for an extra match. Eauz and Commerce Heights could change places however, if Commerce Heights wins away to Slaikau and Eauz only manages a draw or worse away to The Eagles Nest. This scenario seems very well possible. Our prediction however is that both Commerce Heights and Eauz will win with small margin on the last day and thus Eauz will go through.

"So, who'd we beat two-nil today?"

"Nobody, sir."

"Another bye? Man, we get a lot of those."

"We didn't have a bye."

"Ah, so it was only one-nil. Are you sure coach Davidson isn't half-Rejistanian?"

"Well, we did score two goals."

"Aha, so it was two-one. Well, the Weegies are fairly decent; I can see them scoring against us."

"They scored three times, sir."

"So...we scored two goals. They scored three, two in our net and one in their own. Thus, we won 3-2. Finally, getting some much needed excitement in our matches!"

"All the Weegian goals went into our net."

"Eh? Impossible. That would've produced a losing score."

"It did, sir."

"Did what?"

"Produce a losing score."

"You're sure of that?"

"I have my copy of the BSD right here. See, look at this..."

finalscore
Bedistan 2 (Washburn 21, 39)
The Weegies 3 (McCaig 32, Balfour 69, Law 82)

"What ever happened to journalistic integrity?"

"What?"

"All these rogue reporters writing false news reports."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"What did you say to me?"

"Er, sorry, sir. But that story is true. I saw the match on BSTV myself."

"But we're not supposed to lose to the Weegies. We're supposed to lose to Liverpool England."

"Oh, don't worry, we play them next."

'Slaves Set Up Qualifying Showdown
Win over Kylaai a must

A scrappy (how many times have we said that about an Audioslavian WC21 performance) game against Haperd ended up with the 'slaves taking the spoils in the SNA in Soundgardia yesterday.

A debut goal from Pierre Cesare and a Greigs Johnstone header put the 'slaves on the brink of qualifying for the world cup, but they'll have to work to get there.

Group 4 P W D L GF-GAPts
Nova Britannicus 11 6 4 1 18-5 22
Kylaai 11 6 4 1 19-8 22
Audioslavia 11 6 2 3 17-12 20
Haperd 11 4 1 6 9-13 13
Oceaice 11 4 0 7 12-17 12
Sonaron 11 4 0 7 7-16 12
Funny Looking Islands 12 3 1 8 6-17 10

The 'slaves play away to Kylaai in the next game knowing that nothing short of a win will put them into the world cup finals.

A draw or a loss would dump the 'slaves into the third-place playoff competition, where they would face... wait for it... Iansisle.

Could the 'slaves even beat the Ians with such a shit team as they have now? Its hard to say. The 'slaves don't have anything but a decent record against the Ians, whilst Iansisle would be hell-bent on stuffing Audioslavia for the first time.

An alternative to an Iansisle game would be a shot at Five Civilised Nations. If the team are in the same bracket as Sonaron we would be in serious trouble. Don't those words just sicken you when you read them?

Audioslavia, with all their footballing history, may well lose out on a place in the world cup. Everyone in the country will be holding their breath.

G'nite bitches, sleep tight.

Stars on verge, defeat TLC 2-1

The Sarzonian national team was on the brink of another stunning collapse that rivalled its first-ever World Cup qualifying campaign for World Cup XVI and other ghosts of Sarzonia's past. But goals from longtime stalwarts Brian Wilson and Bobby Convey and a six save game from newcomer Horace Sandt led the Stars to their first-ever win over The Lowland Clans, 2-1 away.

"We finally played a quality game against an outstanding opponent with a lot on the line," Coach Dave Wilson said. "I've got to give credit to everyone on the team for this win. We're not out of the woods yet, but we've got a chance to accomplish something we've never done before."

The Stars (8-2-1, 26 points, second place Group 2) are one point behind group leaders Crystilakere and three points clear of The Lowland Clans with Legalese one point behind The Lowland Clans for a playoff spot. The Stars will face their southern neighbours and arch rivals at sold-out Hendrix Stadium in the Sarzonian capital, Woodstock.

The scenarios work out as follows: If Sarzonia defeats Crystilakere, the Stars clinch the Group 2 title. If the Stars draw or lose, the Crystils win the group. The Stars clinch second place with a draw against the Crystils or a loss or draw by The Lowland Clans. If the Lowland Clans win and Sarzonia loses, they clinch second place due to goal differential. Legalese will need to defeat The Lowland Clans to advance to the third-place playoffs. They can not win an automatic berth.

The Stars dismissed any talk that the team would be satisfied with anything less than first place with the team being only one point behind the Crystils for the group title. The Stars say they are confident heading into the match with the 4-3 win in Crystilakere.

"This is a very tight series between our sides, but we have a chance if we can play our style of football," midfielder Darwin Russell said. "But we need to take care of business and make sure we get the full three.

"We don't believe in going into a match looking for one [standings] point," forward and team captain Brian Wilson said. "To us, trying for one point usually ensures that you end up with nothing. We'd rather go for three points [for a victory] and end up with a draw than go for one and end up with zero." However, Dave Wilson is more cautious.

"Remember that we won away. They're going to be gunning for us at Hendrix," he said. "They're still [upset] they lost to us at home. Mark my words."

Shark Attack

Stadium: Pinealla International Stadium

Roster:

Carrin Oaker (GK), Torry Oaker (GK), Stef Oaker (D), Gray Oaker (D), Mitel Oaker (D), Orion Oaker (D), Tabby Oaker (D), Freddy Oaker (M), Sport Oaker (M), Venus Oaker (M), Arthin Oaker (M), Kelvin Oaker (M), Raven Oaker (M), Flash Oaker (F), Tip Oaker (F), Cats Oaker (F), Pond Oaker (F)


Sharks Playoff Bound

Despite a nearly 50% record in World Cup 21 Qualifying, the Oaker Sharks are headed for a playoff which could see them returning to the World Cup Finals for the first time since Foaker Fever was finally eliminated a few years back. Unfortunately, Foaker Fever has taken with it the entire population of Kingsford, who had to be annihilated in order to ensure the disease would not pop up anywhere else anymore. It was a tough decision, but in the end, no one lost any sleep over it.


The Sharks found themselves in a group with the defending world cup champions from Vilita, and another strong team, Lovisa. Oaker fans were optimistic of their chances of beating out Big Pimento for the 3rd place in the group, so when news came that Big Pimento had withdrawn from the competition, Oaker fans rejoiced, and their team clinched the 3rd place, despite being the second worst performing team currently sitting in a potential World Cup promotion position.

Who is the worst? South Osettia. South Osettia is the only team currently in the top 3 of their group that does not even have a winning/losing percentage greater than half. Oaker will have to win or draw the last match to make sure they stay above this average record mark, as a defeat would leave them with 5 wins and 5 losses, and surely the worst record of any team in the playoffs.

But fans are not letting that stop them, and have long booked their tickets for the vital playoff match. The match will also be screened live, in place of the decreasingly popular reality TV crap that was going on around World Cup 17 and 18. Who the hell had that stupid idea in the first place anyway. Putting a bunch of celebrities in a hot tub together, no wonder there was a damn outbreak. People are two damn dumb to realize when they are screwed up beyond the point of no return.

So it is off for one final qualifying match, and the sharks will wait to see who their opponent will be for the playoff. Oaker fans will be eagerly awaiting the outcome, being long starved for an appearance in the world cup finals once again.


Group 10 P W D L GF-GAPts
Vilita 9 8 1 0 22-6 25
Lovisa 10 7 1 2 27-10 22
Oaker 9 5 0 4 13-11 15
-------------------- ELIMINATED
Gaian Ascendancy 10 3 1 6 10-18 10
Liamist States 9 2 2 5 11-18 8
Evalness 9 0 1 8 3-23 1

Makinshakes Presents...
The Ketchup Times
Now you can eat your fries and read the latest news around Melmond!

Class Football Between Starblaydia and Melmond Leads to 1-1 Draw
My how things can change! It wasn't so long ago that the return of the Forsaken Farmers seemed imminent after a very lackluster road trip and falling flat on their faces returning home to an embarassing 2-nil loss to Nonesuch Street. However, after a couple of underwhelming victories against the bottom feeders of the group, Allanea and Rittarstan, the MFA put down its foot by hiring the borderline psychotic and sadistic drill sergeant from the famous weight loss reality program "Capitalist Pig" Sgt. Houlihan "Houlie" Goon, was employed to return the intensity and commitment of the team. While some critics thought that Sgt. Goon and the person who came up with this idea should be committed themselves, the results on the pitch more than showed the experiment success, as the Fearless Farmers eradicated Chicanada in front of a sold out Anachronism Stadium in Cali 7-nil. Now, the much bigger challenge of Starblaydia came into Melmond, and the Fearless Farmers and its faithful of 92,000 strong dressed in all sorts of shades of green were ready for their arrival. The football match was a well played affair by both sides as the Starblaydis have more than redeemed themselves from the relatively tainted victory they had at home using the Take That and Robbie Williams imagery. Starblaydia would strike first midway through the first half as striker Syku Lyku-Agbayani, affectionately known as "Slani," made a striker which would have most Melmondians say that famous Rejistania profanity aloud, a clever striker kicking the ball in midair past a very unprepared Melmond goalkeeper Alex McCarthy. However, fifteen minutes later, the Fearless Farmer faithful would be back on their feet as the Starblaydi defence buckled under a frenzied Melmondian attack which eventually ended with Melmond midfielder Pauline Hulme kicking in a loose ball right into the net, with Starbladyi goalkeeper Markus Cragg unable to get off the grass in time to stop the shot. The first half would end with the score 1-1 and so will the match as both sides played excellent defence in their individual styles and played it cleanly as no cards were handed out. This version of the Fearless Farmers will have the two matches of their lives coming up as their performances against Hiiraan and Nonesuch Street can put the Fearless Farmers in the World Cup, in a qualifying playoff, or out of the qualifying picture entirely.

Fearless Farmers On Their Way!
The army of 90,000 kazoos was well-deployed in this do-or-die match against Hiiraan which took place at the Microcosm Football Colossuseum in Aldi. A tradition started way back when Melmond had no footballing specific stadiums, where the national team played in baseball stadiums such as the Walladome in Acosta. In order to gain an edge on the notorious tough team from the nation of Stalag 5, the promoters of the match at the Walladome handed out kazoos to every fan who entered the stadium. The inexperienced Fearless Farmers were able to get a 1-1 draw, which was quite the accomplishment at the time. They may not have the roof on the stadium, but 90,000 kazoos were enough to give the momentum of the entire match to Melmond. The Fearless Farmers were completely in control and the Hiiraanians were struggling to keep up. The Fearless Farmers got a goal early on as striker Debora Unne was able to break free of the tight marking of Hiiraan defender Yaasiin Ali Gaal and head in a linear midair pass from Melmond midfielder Pauline Hulme to give the Fearless Farmers the only goal of the match. The Fearless Farmer attack wasn't as coordinated as it was the rest of the match, but whatever attack that the Hiiraanians had in plan, the Fearless Farmers rejuvenated defence just stopped it in its tracks as teh Hiiraan side only got two shots on goal in the match, both easily saved by Melmond goalkeeper Alex McCarthy. Melmond gets the key 1-nil victory and has quite possibly the most important match in a while for the Melmond National footballing program as they do not want to be the first Melmond team to miss World Cup qualification since World Cup 16. Up next is the new Oaker, Nonesuch Street, and let us not hope that this side does what Oaker did in World Cup 16.

The Scenarios

Melmond automatically qualifies :): A Melmond victory or a Melmond tie with a Hiiraan tie or loss

Melmond goes to the qualifying playoff: A Melmond tie with a Hiiraan victory or a Melmond loss with a Hiiraan loss or tie

Melmond does not qualify for the World Cup :(: A Melmond loss with a Hiiraan victory

So basically, go Melmond and Starblaydia!

TnUI make it 19 Finals from 20 tries.
Qualifying a breeze, now comes the tricky part.

The Insanician Manager, Fluffy McPhillingtonson, looked forward to the World Cup Finals after an easy 2-1 victory over Finrods gave the Insanicians an unassailable 5 point lead over Drudia with 1 match to play.

"TnUI aren't a top 5 team by being lax in qualifying, we are lax in the knockout stage, that's why we are only 5th. If we don't win the cup soon the Insanicians might not bother coming back."

The Daily Druid

LET'S BE SLAV-ING YOU
Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po on Druida 2 Oddslavo 1

OK, if you were to ask anyone who knew who Druida and Oddslavo were (I'm sure there aren't that many out there), you would have found that a fair majority would probably take Druida to win the game. However, after the great disappointments earlier in the campaign, poor enough to make it into third in the all time Druidan futility lists, if you were to ask a Druidan how the game would go, they'd be prepared for the worst.

However, they didn't consider that this was a much changed Druida Rainbows since then. Dropped from the team are the old, Jones, Price, Walker, Owens, Law and, perhaps unfortunately, Chilver. In are Richards, Ellis, Tree, Montenegro and Defnyddiwch to join other youngsters Peev, Orange and Mallon. Yes folks, this is hte next generation of Druidan football calling, perhaps sooner than hoped, but all the same, they're here, and they're here to stay.

Six of the starting line-up against Oddslavo were Under-21 World Cup winners, and if they continue to show the maturity under pressure they showed yesterday, who knows if it will convert into a full World Cup triumph? Of course, they still haven't made it to the finals yet, but they are now only ninety minutes away. Another superb display of link-up play between Montenegro and Defnyddiwch earnt Druida their two goals, both of which scored by the latter.

And so to the last day. While Druida are playing in Finrods, Oddslavo will be playing host to Total n Utter Insanity, who have already made it to the finals. Which begs a couple of questions - First, can Druida cope with the pressure of needing a win? Secondly, if they can't, will TnUI be bothered enough against Oddslavo for it not to matter? One thing's for sure, whoever loses out from Druida and Oddslavo won't be too pleased. In the third place play-offs draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8380414&postcount=2183), Group 12 has drawn Group 8, meaning that they will come up against either Soth Osettia or The Weegies, who will make it if they beat Kaze Progressa. The Rainbows would be at home in their first game.

Games so far...

Matchday 1: Druida 5-0 Naglegrad
Matchday 2: Obsessed Muse Groupies 0-3 Druida
Matchday 4: Ratvipa 1-5 Druida
Matchday 5: Total n Utter Insanity 1-2 Druida
Matchday 6: Oddslavo 2-2 Druida
Matchday 7: Druida 0-1 Finrods
Matchday 8: Naglegrad 1-0 Druida
Matchday 9: Druida 4-0 Obsessed Muse Groupies
Matchday 11: Druida 2-1 Ratvipa
Matchday 12: Druida 1-1 Total n Utter Insanity
Matchday 13: Druida 2-1 Oddslavo

...top scorers...

6 - Max Chilver
6 - Trefor Defnyddiwch
4 - Trefor Montenegro
3 - Trevor Law
3 - Dan Northfleet
2 - Rhys Owens
1 - Trevor Ng
1- Trevor Walker

...and still to come.

Matchday 14: Finrods (a)

Monk Jajure and Monk Syku had much luck, they could remain in their own country... more or less since their way led them into Nanti Kansu, which means: the south of the country. KaMaRi is Nanti Simu, which means: in the north. Even though both is Rejistania, the cultures are different quite a bit. The peopls in the south don't even speak majuvedian or minokaji but isesi or the horrible seleke. But most people here are inikresaist too, and they are fed up with embarrassing matches like against Svecia and nearly-draw Raptor Claw, they want to see Margaret supporting them. Who not helped were the children, the monks tried to test. no one touched the piece of Margarets robe, but they threw over the table, crawled away or cried. Some took the other pieces of cloth and did things to it, which challenged modern washing machines.

ALIVE

Coach Joseuf has been frustrated with the way his team has been playing this whole cup, as he expected them to be topping this group by MD7. None of this occurred though, as they came into MD13, with a miserable 2nd half record of 2 – 2 – 1 record. He had hoped that they would have won against CH, and qualified for the cup, but the opposite occurred. His team has been full of frustration, as they cannot seem to get themselves in the mood to play well. Many have been putting the blame on Margaret, and lack of support for their team.

On Jeudi, Les Bleus were back home to face off against Slaikau who has done alright in this cup, but failed to qualify for the cup, and were acting as spoilers. Alia and Co. were hoping they would not fall into that trap, but with an non-unified team, anything could happen. Early though in the match, Les Bleus looked fairly unified, as an early attack, saw Vasser get hold of a ball, and sent a volley pass to Theodoric, who tried to head it towards the net. The Slaikau keeper though tipped it over the top of the bar, leaving Eauz a corner kick. Lacavailler sent the corner kick towards the scuffle in front of the net. Alia headed the ball, but the keeper, who fell down, blocked it. Vasser charged in, and took a shot from short range, but somehow, the keeper made an amazing stop, and was finally able to hold onto the ball. The trouble wasn’t over for him though, as he sent a kick down field, Lacavailler, headed it back upfield, where Alia was waiting. Alia snuck through the defence, and passed it off to Vasser, who let go of a rocket, which would have gone in, had it not hit the post. It fired back from the post, where D'Aubigne sent another shot on goal, this time, being stopped by the keeper. The Slaikau keeper was acting like a wall, as everything was being stopped, no matter where it was coming from. During the 34th minute of play, Alia was on a charge, but the referee blew the whistle, apparently because he was offside. The frustration blew over, as Alia had a few choice words for the referee, among them was “Slani Hell” en bon français. He then took the ball, and kicked it into the stands. The referee instantly pulled out a red card. As he left the field, he had a final few choice words for the referee, and left. Joseuf came out to argue, but to no avail, as he was told to leave the field. The few fans who were in attendance were inspired by the way Alia acted, and the spirit of the stadium started to rise. It also seemed to inspire Les Bleus offence, as during the 42nd minute of play, off of a corner kick, Lacavailler sent a perfect pass to Rousseau who sore high above the group, posterizing the Slaikau defence and headed it into the net, putting Les Bleus up 1 – 0.

But, Don’t go away, we still got more time to play! Some Fans started to leave the match, probably to go see the famous Syku'he from Rejistania who was speaking in Zuka about keeping the fight for socialism alive in Eauz. Nonetheless, the first half was just as exciting as the second half. Just 1 minute into the second half, Slaikau finally woke up, and started a charge against Les Bleus. Bedeau had only been tested 4 times in that first half, and was ready for more action. Just as at the other end, the keeper was like a wall, Bedeau seemed like a Spiderman, as a shot came from the left side, sailing towards the right. He dove, and blocked it, got up, (WHAT?) and jumped up to tip a ball over the top. The corner kick was interesting, as it had looked as if the ball was out of reach for Bedeau, but he somehow got a part of his hand on it, sending it out of danger. Amazing work by Bedeau who after all that, shouted out and yelled at the top of his lungs, before sending a kick down field. Interestingly enough, this was the most spirit one had seen in Eauz for a long time. At the 78th minute of play though, Slaikau put on an attack, and one of the attackers was brought down just ouside the penalty zone. The referee though blew the whistle, and indicated a free kick inside the penalty zone. Rousseau complained about the call, but to no avail. It was between Bedeau and the kicker. The shot went top left shelf, where Mamma keeps the goodies, notting the score at 1 – 1, and leaving Bedeau confused, as he went the other way. Spirit went down a bit for Eauz, who were expecting to win this match. The match finished at the 1 – 1 score, as a few of the players were taunting the referees, who had, according to them, made some ridiculous and idiotic calls.

Despite the 1 – 1 tie, Les Bleus stay in the hunt for qualifying, as they stay in 2nd with 23 points. It comes down to the final match day, to decide who continues onto the next round, and who will play in the 3rd place playoff match. Eauz will be in charge of their destiny, as they will be playing The Eagles Nest. A victory for Eauz, could put them atop the group for the first time, a loss could mean disaster, if Commerce Heights wins. A tie is not as great, as CH currently holds the favour over GD. Nonetheless, Joseuf said that he believes after the showing of spirit in this last match, that his team can actually perform well on MD14.


Group 9 P W D L GF-GAPts
The Eagles Nest 11 8 1 2 33-16 25
Eauz 11 7 2 2 21-10 23
Commerce Heights 11 6 3 2 22-10 21
Slaikau 11 4 5 2 21-14 17
Talzeckia 11 2 3 6 18-27 9
Sjwitz 12 1 5 6 18-24 8
Gibberovia 11 1 1 9 6-38 4


Match Day 1: Eauz vs. Talzeckia W 1 - 0
Match Day 2: Sjwitz vs. Eauz W 0 - 1
Match Day 3: Eauz vs. Gibberovia W 4 - 0
Match Day 4: Bye Period
Match Day 5: Eauz vs. Commerce Heights W 3 - 2
Match Day 6: Slaikau vs. Eauz W 1 - 2
Match Day 7: Eauz vs. The Eagles Nest L 1 - 2

Match Day 8: Talzeckia vs. Eauz L 1 - 0
Match Day 9: Eauz vs. Sjwitz W 3 - 1
Match Day 10: Gibberovia vs. Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 11: Bye Period
Match Day 12: Commerce Heights vs. Eauz T 2 - 2
Match Day 13: Eauz vs. Slaikau T 1 - 1
Match Day 14:The Eagles Nest vs. Eauz

Zucchinis On Brink Of Post-Collapse History

Turori's stoppage time winner over Praying2God has put the Zucchinis in prime position to qualify for the World Cup qualifying playoff spot. However, the Zucchinis must win their final match if they are to secure their spot in the playoffs. Even then, they must go through another gruelling round of qualifiers before making it to the World Cup.

However, if they do make it into the World Cup, they would have created history...at least after the collapse, by making it to the World Cup for the first time since the collapse brought the once great "uberpower"* back down to earth.

Before the collapse, the Zucchinis were among the top footballing nations with a rich football heritage and pedigree, with high expectations placed on the team, going past the group stage a bare minimum requirement for the average World Cup campaign. And they usually met those expectations, winning World Cup 3 as well as the Champions League with Marauding FC. Back then, both sides had the mercurial Urk, a true legend of the game alongside Alan Belmore.

However, since the mysterious collapse which took the whole nation out for 8 years, the Zucchinis failed to match their predecessor's standards. Needing to rebuild the whole team from scratch, the Zucchinis were found aiming to avoid propping up the groups they were in. However, all this has changed, and the Zucchinis are now in a good position to further their cause. Will they make history? Only time will tell...


*Giant Zucchini was rated as an "uberpower" along with Tanah Burung, Brazillico, etc. back during World Cup...OK, I can't remember...

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

BATTLE OF ORANGE AND BLUE GOES TO LIGHTNING
Rejistani defensive strategy backfires this time as Helveg assures Svecia of spot in finals

Svecia 1-0 Rejistania

- It´s true. Lightning can strike twice. And Rejistania found out just how accurate the Lightning are with their strikes. A second half goal from midfielder Niclas Helveg sealed Rejistania´s fate yesterday and was Svecia´s second win over Rejistania in the two sides´ four match history.

Rejistania has made a legend of itself for the boring defensive style voetbal they play that has won them two World Cups. Indeed, the last match between these two teams ended in a 0-0 scoreline, something the Lightning are not used to with their quick counter-attacks that catch teams off guard. But not Rejistania. At least until now.

Once again, it looked as if the game would be a bore. The home Svecikan crowd booed the Rejistanis as they kicked off and started the match with possession, obviously playing their usual game. The 70.000 people in attendance didnt pay to see Rejistania play keep away.

Oddly enough, there was not a single blue or orange shirt to be seen in the stadium, as it is SVB policy not to sell seats to away team fans. Svecia´s colors are currently yellow and blue, but recently were orange and many fans still wear orange to the games. Not yesterday. Not for the biggest game the Rijksstadion has seen since club teams Kystig FC came to play Vilämna.

Both teams came up with 5 shots combined the first half, one more than the last time they played each other. But it was the second half that found Rejistania on the back foot. Svecia changed their game plan for the second half, and coach Matt de Fijts can be congratulated for that. His squad finally found the back of the net in the 62nd minute when an attempted shot from Tomas Kristiansand was shanked horribly right into the path of a streaking Niclas Helveg who one-touched it past a stunned Reji keeper sending the stadium into crazyness and setting a new decible record for the Rijksstadion.

After that it was Svecia´s turn to play keepaway, and did so very effectively, with the crowd cheering and taunting the Rejistanians every time a yellow-shirted player touched the ball.

Helveg´s score was only the second goal the Orange and Blues have given up during this Cup´s qualifying campaign. The first came against bottom of the table Pterodactyl. Svecia locked up a World Cup finals spot with the win with 2 qualifying matches left.

So what's left?



In Group 1, EL CID THE HERO has already clinched their way to the finals Jeruselem holds a three point advantage over One Red Dot for second, but should One Red Dot win, and Jeruselem lose, Jeruselem would have to settle for a playoff. One Red Dot is not safe though, as should Lykaia win, One Red Dot would be out altogether, with a loss, and Lykaia in the playoff. Expect Jeruselem to hold on and qualify, with One Red Dot in the playoff.


In Group 2, The World Cup 19 champions Crystilakere have sealed up the top spot. A final day clash with Sarzonia will produce a group winner, Sarzonia needing a victory to steal away the top spot. It's not set in stone for Sarzonia however, as if they are defeated, The Lowlands Clans can overtake them for second, and relegate Sarzonia to the playoffs. Unfortunately for the Stars, The All-Stars will live up to their All and take away the second spot. No worries, Sarzonia will win their playoff. Legalese will have to settle for yet another Cup of Harmony.



Group 3 is all but settled, with what is becoming an all-to familiar pairing, Turori and Tadjikistan set to advance easily. The battle is between Giant Zucchini and Praying2God for the playoff spot. If Praying2God win, Giant Zucchini must also win to hold them off. A draw or lose coupled with a P2G victory would see the fairy-tale resurgance knocked down at the final hurdle. Expect Giant Zucchini to survive, and return gracefully to the World Cup Finals.


Group 4 has been settled for a while. Well, at least as far as the top 3. Where the hell those three will end up is anyones guess. And what a fixture list. Nova Britannicus tops the table and sit pretty with a +13 Goal Differential, and will face fourth placed Haperd. Kylaai in second are level on points with the leaders, with +11 Goal Differential, 2 shy of the Starblaydi puppet. The Cup of Harmony specialists come up against Audioslavia, and if they can avoid defeat they will be through to their first finals. Don't think too fast, as Audioslavia are still #1 in the world. Audioslavia's 1-0 triumph over Kylaai will see them Top the table in horrible form, but Nova Britannicus' 0-3 defeat at the hands of Haperd will see Kylaai through in second on goals scored.



Group 5 is no more than a formality, with Iansisle virtually needing a point to seal a place in the playoffs. The always formidible Squornshelous does not play hattrick, but may soon pop to outstanding with just one match left in their quest to go unbeaten atop the table. Fmjphoenix will be following Squornshelous to the finals in Cockbill Street and Lethislavania


Group 6 is a fascinating affair, with 2nd through 4th seperated by just two points. A victory for any team would see them clinch a spot in the top 3, and the possibility of following Starblaydia to the World Cup Finals. Host puppet Nonesuch is on the outside looking in, after a defeat will leave Hiiraan 3rd and Melmond on auto-pilot to the finals, in what will be the least exciting of all the possible outcomes in this tight group.



Group 7 is settled amongst the top 3. Placement will be decided on the final matchday, where Krytenia will come out victorious, while Spurland will find a dissapointing end to qualifying, losing out in their playoff and getting a first class ticket back to the Cup of Harmony


South Osettia is hanging on by the seat of their pants in a Group 8 that could have been one of the toughest groups in the cup. Having already seen off Kaze Progressa, the Osettians must hope The Weegies fail to win their final match to hold on for a playoff place, while Bedistan and Liverpool England will waste little energy in determening who will finish first and second.



It may look like a fascinating scenario on paper, but the Capitalizts have no shot at upsetting the Communists in Group 9. The Eagles Nest and Eauz, a phrase muttered all too often, will be muttered again as former champion Commerce Heights will fight for their right in the playoffs.


Boring Boring Group 10, as Vilita look boast the best record in qualifying with a victory that would see them unbeaten. Lovisa has already wrapped up their schedule and are waiting in Cockbill Street for the finals to begin. Oaker has one last chance to warmup before its playoff, but inevitably, there is nothing more to say about this already-settled group.



Well where have we seen this before. It's Group 11 and Rejistania in danger of missing out on the top two places in the group, and it's Wella who can stand in their way. Not this time, Rejistania moves on with Svecia to the World Cup Finals. Wella will lose their playoff, unless it is against Spurland.


That leaves Group 12. Dammit who let them in? It's the attack of the puppets and well, one of them had to make it. Oddslavo have been firing large with only The Eagles Nest netting more times than these Terminating puppets. Druida will fend them off but can anyone stop the Oddslavo attack in the Playoffs? Total n Utter Insanity is still in contention for the best record in qualifying, but will be unlikely to achieve it.

Stars wonder about Vilita's sanity

Qualifying for World Cup XXI took on a strange tinge with an internationally mandated format change to compel third place teams to play in playoffs to advance to the World Cup finals and took on a nastier tone with the disapperances of several teams from World Cup qualifying.

On top of that, Incorporated Football Federation officials have now begun wondering aloud about the collective sanity of reporters taking part in Vilitan media coverage of the World Cup. They predicted the Stars would lose their match hosting group top seeds Crystilakere at Hendrix Stadium in Woodstock and that The Lowland Clans would defeat Legalese away to wrest the automatic qualifying bid from Sarzonia.

"What are the chances of those events actually happening," a spokeswoman for IFF Chairman Terry Mangione asked. "That would require both us and Legalese to lose home matches. Yes, those are higher-rated teams, but the Legalese national stadium is a tough place to play. Hendrix ain't no picnic either."

Polls among Sarzonian media outlets covering the team have ranged from 4.3 percent agreeing with the Vilitan media to 7.1 percent who predict the Stars will beat the Crystils at Hendrix. Just over 25 percent of reporters and analysts predict the Stars will draw their match against the Crystils (25.1 percent).

"It's highly unlikely the Stars will have to play the extra playoff," Portland Iron Works Managing Director and former ISN Commodore Barbara Tucker said. "The odds of that confluence of events happening are next to none."

"C'mon, they're playing at Hendrix, for Crissakes," former Under 21 national team midfielder Valentin Kienzl said. "The Stars aren't going to let the Crystils win, that's for sure."

"Just because you're world champions in football doesn't mean you know everything there is to know," said an executive with the IFF who asked not to be identified. "If the Stars have to play in the playoffs, I'm shaving my head."

"Right, Settle down!" Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu, the Starblaydi National Team Manager appealed for quiet from the assembled men. "The official results, of the SFA Crazy-Gator-Golf Championship, held on Matchdays Four and Eleven of the twenty-first World Cup Qualifiers, are:"

Around the tables in the room, the players and staff all kept quiet to hear the results. Every one of the twenty-plus tracksuited members were international footballers, and they were as competitive at Crazy Golf as any other sport. During the two Bye matchdays, the Starblaydi squad had set themselves up a mini-tournament. The men had separated themselves into teams of two and gone around the Crazy-Gator-Golf park in Hippion, Starblaydia.

"In last place," Guylain began, "with a grand total of three-hundred and fourty-two shots," this provoked much laughter from the men, "its the Poofy Glove-Wearers-in-Winter team, Gonzalez and Thornley!"

The two substitute 'keepers were given resounding cheers for an enormous score, almost beyond the realms of possibility for thirty-six holes of Crazy Golf.

"Hey," Thaddeus cried, "Gav's dodeca-bogey on the fourth really screwed us up!"

"Okay, okay," Guylain continued over the noise and heckling, "In third place, with seventy-three, its, the Uber-Gruppen-Fuhrers. Lord von Honjiik and his wonderful partner, N'Dumbu-Nsungu!"

"Who's that last guy?" cried one voice at the back

"It's the Jack Nicholson of Starblaydi Golf!" Came another voice.

"Why thankyou," Guylain began, though after a moment's contemplation, "hey! Anyway, Second place goes to the Dead Parrots' Society, with a score of sixty-four, Matranga and Montefalcon!"

Another round of applause swept the room, prompting Jerome Montefalcon, Starblaydia's Captain, to stand up.

"Thankyou, thankyou," he said graciously with a smile on his face, "and may I be the first to say that whoever beat Nick and myself will be congratulated personally by me, as I shake them warmly by the throat. Thankyou."

"Thankyou, Jerome," Guylain continued, "and the winners. Of the Inaugural. SFA. Crazy-Gator-Golf Championship. Are:"

"Already asleep!" shouted the same voice from the back, "get on with it!"

"Hush you," Guylain said, "with a score of fifty-nine, its Shortarse United, Khim and Zhorin!"

Huge cheers went round the room as the two Dwarfs jumped on their tables and danced a jig.

"A to the Z, Azanulbizarn," Guylain yelled over the din, "if you'd come up to the front and receive your prize from Lord von Rikaard."

The Alan City left-back leapt off the table and strutted his way up to the front with his hands in the air, shortly followed, if you'll forgive the unintended pun, by Under-21 first-choice striker Zhorin Tumunzahar. The bearded pair took the applause of the crowd and accepted their newly-engraved trophy from the Minister for Sport, Lord Rikaard van Honjiik.

"Speech! Speech!"

"Alright, losers, shut it" Khim shouted, signalling for quiet, "we're confirmed as Group Winners for Group Six," yet more cheers drowned him out, "hey! I said shut it! We all thought tomorrow's match against the Hiiraaniannianiaiaianians was gonna be our crucial game, but we're already going to Lethislavania and..." He broke off and spat on the floor. "Cockbill Street."

"Let's give 'em a beating!" Jerome yelled, jumping up out of his chair.

The entire room stood and cheered for a long time, they were going to give it their all against Hiiraan, and close out this Qualification period in style. Should they not win, of course, Gator Golf will surely be blamed.

Win Needed For Spurland
Manager : “Sh*t Happens..”

Two games ago, Spurland were sitting comfortably on top of group seven, with a three point cushion over their nearest rivals, albeit rather suprisingly. But now, after a narrow loss against Krytenia, and a heay defeat at the hands of Dance 2 Revolution, the Spurs find themselves in third spot, with a play-off spot in the bag.

Spurland now need a win at home versus Spaam to qualify, as the teams in the top two positions now face eachother, as any result with a Spurland win will mean that one of the two top teams may find themselves in the playoff position instead, a draw may accomplish this, but is less likely.

Even Spurland Manager Morzaria admits that this is a though task, “A win against Spaam, honestly, doesn’t look too likely, don’t even think a draw might be possible, and playoffs, what the hell is that all about.

”But we didn’t really expect to be in this position, but it will be disappointing if we don’t qualify, its sort of like going to a bar for a drink, and then to be informed that a rather obese woman had finished all the beer not five minutes ago, its just plain sad. Sure there will be other bars to go to, but you really needed a drink then and there. Sh*t happens…,” at this point the Spurland manager simply walked away muttering to himself, and wasn’t seen again for a number of hours.


Group 7 P W D L GF-GAPts
Dance 2 Revolution 11 7 2 2 25-11 23
Krytenia 11 7 1 3 19-10 22
Spurland 11 7 1 3 20-14 22
-------
Spaam 11 5 2 4 21-15 17
Kipto-Mare 11 3 4 4 13-13 13
Anarquistan 12 3 2 7 10-22 11
Krakatou 11 0 2 9 5-28 2

FIXTURES/RESULTS:
MD01: -
MD02: Kipto-Mare v Spurland D 1-1
MD03: Spurland v Anarguistan W 3-0
MD04: Karkatou v Spurland W 2-4
MD05: Krytenia v Spurland W 1-2
MD06: Spurland v Dance 2 Revolution W 3-1
MD07: Spaam v Spurland L 3-1
MD08: -
MD09: Spurland v Kipto-Mare W 1-0
MD10: Anarguistan v Spurland W 0-3
MD11: Spurland v Karkatou W 2-0
MD12: Spurland v Krytenia L 0-1
MD13: Dance 2 Revolution v Spurland L 5-0
MD14: Spurland v Spaam ???

Matchday 13 is over, the 14th and final matchday is up now (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8389605&postcount=16).

The match-ups for the play-offs will be:

Krytenia vs Melmond
Jeruselem vs Commerce Heights
Giant Zucchini vs Oaker
Audioslavia vs Iansisle
Sarzonia vs Wella
Oddslavo vs South Osettia

Iansisle defeats Vikings to get into playoffs, Vikings still remain pumped

Iansisle defeated Fmjphoenix on the last matchday 1-0 to ensure a playoff appearence against Audioslavia. Despite the loss, the fans were in an uproar for the Vikings finished in second place in the group, giving them an automatic berth into the second round in Cockbill Street and Lethislavania.

Fmjphoenix finished with 22 points out of 36, with 6 wins, 4 draws, and 2 losses, their best record. The previous best was in World Cup XIX when they were 6-2-4, but it was only good enough to get them fourth place, a spot they soaked up for two cups. But now they are heading into the unknown and will face harsher opponents. But the Vikings see this as their time.

"We have been waiting for this chance since the beginning. I think we can show that we are going to be a top team for many years to come." Forward Mike Nolan said after the match.

There will be two days where the playoff matches will determine the remaining 6 squads that will make it through to the second round. The Vikings will be watching intently, as they will want to get any ideas of who they may be playing. For now, they will be practicing hard to prepare for the first trial after qualification.

Fmjphoenix: 0
(None)

Iansisle: 1
(Unknown 65)

Fmjphoenix Qualification Run:
MD01: --Bye--
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Five Civilized Nations Draw 2-2
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Bryn Shander Win 1-0
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Nifty Nick Win 4-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ The Belmore Family Draw 2-2
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Squornshelous Lose 1-3
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Iansisle Draw 1-1
MD08: --Bye--
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Five Civilized Nations Win 1-0
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Bryn Shander Win 4-1
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Nifty Nick Win 5-0
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs The Belmore Family Win 1-0
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Squornshelous Draw 1-1
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Iansisle Lose 0-1
Away: 2-4-0
Home: 4-0-2
Record: 6-4-2

Fmjphoenix Goalscorers World Cup XXI:
Nolan: 8
Mendel: 5
Zeus: 3
Brown: 2
Mitchell: 2
Santos: 1
Bell: 1
Kapono: 1

'Slaves Fail In Kylaai
Audioslavia to play Iansisle in all-or-nothing match

For so long, the battle of Kylaai looked like going Audioslavia's way.

Alec Bull's third minute header gave us hope, and although a well-taken equaliser by Mazu Kazu pegged the 'slaves back, the fans never seemed to be in doubt that Audioslavia would clinch the win and a guaranteed place in World Cup 21.

Ally Marriot's second-half strike - his first goal for the national side since World Cup 20 - further strengthened the fans stubborness in refusing to believe that the 'slaves are anything less than the #1 team in the world, but then came the heart-breaker in the last five minutes.

The 'slaves had been pushed and pushed back into their own territory, Kylaai pulling out all the stops to try and get a breakthrough. Vimorta had come close, as had the tastily-named Burrito, but it was a second goal from Mazu Kazu that ripped the three points from Audioslavia's fragile grasp, and sent the claret and green tumbling into a third-placed-playoff round. The match would finish Kylaai 2, Audioslavia 2.

Group 4 P W D L GF-GAPts
Nova Britannicus 12 6 5 1 19-6 23
Kylaai 12 6 5 1 21-10 23
Audioslavia 12 6 3 3 19-14 21
Oceaice 12 5 0 7 18-19 15
Haperd 12 4 2 6 10-14 14
Sonaron 12 4 0 8 9-22 12
Funny Looking Islands 12 3 1 8 6-17 10

The final table makes for deppressing reading for the Audioslav. Played 12, Won 6. From an outsiders perspective, six wins from twelve games is just not good enough for an Audioslavian team, but really this writer believes the fans should be proud of their team. The eleven players that represented the country against Kylaai were not of the calibre of the eleven that played Crystilakere and Vilita in the two preceeding world cup finals. Granted, Johnstone and Ceulemans are still at the peak of their game, but thats where it ends. McLlroy, after a series of injuries, has lost his pace. Jansen, after a series of hard matches captaining Raiden F.C., has lost his stamina. Marriot, after a series of questionable acting in adverts, has lost his soul. Arne Carel, who was one of the weaker players in World Cup 20, was never a world-beater anyway. The rest of the team, and the one-game wonder players like Arie Voshond, Sepp Sturmlaufer and Killian Rijsbergen were never really up to scratch in the first place. Only Brogan Cairbre and Exander Bannockburn have been solid, and they both play in the positions in which Audioslavia are more than adept: defence.

So... what now? We have to go to Iansisle, thats what.

The history between the Ians and the 'Slaves has been told so often its not worth repeating on these pages so i'll just sum it up. Iansisle have a chip on their shoulder about Audioslavia, and they will be twice as fired up and twice as eager to win over these two coming legs. The Audioslavia team used to rely on the solidness of their team and the sheer class that existed within the dressing room, but now it seems that talent is absent. Things do not look good for the 'slaves.

Here's a run-down of the playoff matches:

(31) Krytenia vs Melmond (18)
Krytenia's Caledonians will be eager to upset the Fearless Farmers in an attempt to get knocked out of the first round of the world cup yet again, but the farmers won't be too easy an obstacle to overcome. Krytenia will need raise their game slightly and wrap it up at the home leg, as it will be difficult to see them take anything from Melmond away from home.

(25) Jeruselem vs Commerce Heights (22)
Jeruselem and the ex-champs Commerce Heights should play out some cracking football over the two legs, both with something to prove after indifferent recent performances in world cups, it'll be hard to pick a winner out of these two.

(62) Giant Zucchini vs Oaker (43)
From the rankings this will look like a matchup of the minnows, but Giant Zucchini and Oaker are seasoned veterans. In fact, GZ were world cup champions before Oaker even evolved out of the water. I'd love to pick Giant Zucchini to win this, but the fact is that Oaker, as average as they are, should have the edge when the two meet.

(1) Audioslavia vs Iansisle (15)
And from two of the lowest ranked sides in the playoffs to the two highest ranked sides. Audioslavia and Iansisle's age-old rivalry should find a peak here as the two sides do battle over one hundred and eighty minutes. However, despite the high ranks, neither side have shown anything like the sort of form their predecessors showed. It will be scrappy rather than epic, but expect this matchup to go to the wire.

(26) Sarzonia vs Wella (34)
Again, one would love Sarzonia to walk over this match and march into world cup 21, but Wella are no schmucks and will fight Sarzonia to the death. The Stars have the edge, but Wella are just as capable of winning this.

(41) Oddslavo vs South Osettia (56)
The puppet-turned-plaything vs the puppet-turned-main nation. Oddslavo have been doing this sort of thing for years under many different guises and will pose problems for a young South Osettia side. However, the Osettians are powerful and are a good bet to upset Oddslavo in their away match and take the game at home.

So thats it. Out of twelve teams, only six will progress to the world cup finals in Lethisvania and Cockbill Street. Will Audioslavia be one of them? You'll have to wait a few weeks to find out.

I've been a very nervous person. G'nite bitches.

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

Seat Of Your Pants Time

"PLAYOFFS". Not a word that has appeared before in the history of Krytenian football before. Neither, indeed, has "Melmond", despite the number of Krytenians that have played in the MPL (three). But it is indeed a playoff against Melmond that is between Melmond and a finals berth. The blame for this predicament can be put succinctly into a single word:

SPURLAND.

Oh yes, after years of crumbling under the Krytenians, the Spurs had to choose this World Cup Qualifier to grow a backbone, didn't they? Taking three points from us on our own turf - and then inconveniently beating Spaam to nab second place! We couldn't expect to get lucky twice against Dance 2 Revolution, they are World #4 after all, but still....

GAAAAAAAAAH!

So, in short: Play Melmond. Beat Melmond. Repeat. Or else we're sending "duh boys" to Spurland. Capisce?


Spaam 1-2 Krytenia
Neasden 31, 50

Krytenia 0-2 Dance 2 Revolution


KRYTENIA KITS:
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/wc16bids/Kry2005.jpg

QUALIFYING SCORERS
P. Neasden - 9
K. Xousa - 4
D. Van Staveren - 3
S. Persson - 2
T. Goodley - 1
I. Valacci - 1

QUALIFYING - GROUP 7
H v Krakatou - W 4-0
-BYE-
H v Kipto-Mare - L 1-2
A v Anarquistan - L 0-1
H v Spurland - L 1-2
H v Spaam - W 2-1
H v Dance 2 Revolution - W 3-1
A v Krakatou - W 1-0
-BYE-
A v Kipto-Mare - D 2-2
H v Anarquistan - W 2-0
A v Spurland - W 2-1
A v Spaam - W 2-1
A v Dance 2 Revolution - L 0-2

PLAYOFFS
H v Melmond - ?????
A v Melmond - ?????

Pschychoes finish qualifying undefeated

Squornshelous and Vilita are the only two teams to do so
Squornshleous wraps up what was arguably one of its best qualfying runs ever with an overall record of 9-3-0, and racked up the following statistics:
Tied for second in points with Cristilakere
Tied for Second in Goals Against with Nova Brittanicus and Vilita
Squornshelous managed to finish with an average goals allowed of .5 and an average goals for of 2. They also recorded 7 shutouts. This qualifying has been marked by the emergence of young star Yanni Zikov, who played as a substitute in World Cup 20, and has 6 goals to his name so far this cup.

Final Scores:
Squornshelous 2-0 Iansisle
Squornshelous 1-1 Fmjphoenix
Squornshelous 2-0 The Belmore Family

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Gerrard: 7
Zikov: 6
Popov: 5
Arnesson: 4
Neese: 2

Group 5 Final Standings:

Group 5 P W D L GF-GAPts
Squornshelous 12 9 3 0 24-6 30
Fmjphoenix 12 6 4 2 23-12 22
-----------------------------------------
Iansisle 12 6 3 3 17-10 21
-----------------------------------------
Five Civilized Nations 12 5 4 3 19-14 19
Bryn Shander 12 4 0 8 13-23 12
The Belmore Family 12 2 4 6 14-22 10
Nifty nick 12 0 2 10 5-28 2


Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses byes

MD01: Squornshelous 2-0 Five Civilized Nations
MD02: Bryn Shander 0-1 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 2-0 Nifty nick
MD04: Bye
MD05: Squornshelous 0-0 Iansisle
MD06: Fmjphoenix 1-3 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 5-2 The Belmore Family
MD08: Five Civilized Nations 1-1 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 3-0 Bryn Shander
MD10: Nifty nick 1-2 Squornshelous
MD11: Bye
MD12: Iansisle 0-2 Squornshelous
MD13: Squornshelous 1-1 Fmjphoenix
MD14: The Belmore Family 0-2 Squornshelous


Home: 4-2-0
Away: 5-1-0
Overall: 9-3-0

Shark Attack

Stadium: Pinealla International Stadium

Roster:

Carrin Oaker (GK), Torry Oaker (GK), Stef Oaker (D), Gray Oaker (D), Mitel Oaker (D), Orion Oaker (D), Tabby Oaker (D), Freddy Oaker (M), Sport Oaker (M), Venus Oaker (M), Arthin Oaker (M), Kelvin Oaker (M), Raven Oaker (M), Flash Oaker (F), Tip Oaker (F), Cats Oaker (F), Pond Oaker (F)


Sharks Handed Lucky Draw

One of the nations originally thought to have been completely wiped out due to Foaker Fever has recovered, rebuilt, and re-established themselves in the sport. That nation is Giant Zucchini, and they will be hoping to make it back to the World Cup Finals in Cockbill Street and Lethislavania. Theres just one problem with that. They will have to beat the Oaker Sharks to do it. Flash Oaker will hardly let a vegetable stand in his way of returning to the World Cup Finals. For Oaker, it has been way too long. Despite a drawless record with Five wins and Five losses in 10 Qualifying matches, the Sharks simply have to come out the better side that they are on paper over two matches against a bunch of rotten veggies.

Oaker could have carried a bit more momentum into the match, but of course they had to face the defending World Cup champions on the final day of the season and get embarrassed at home. Well not entirely embarrassed. But any loss at home where you can't even score for your loyal fans isn't anything to be proud of. So come out rotten vegetables, and try and beat our sharks. Oaker may not be in the best of form, but the sharks will always rise to the challenge when the World Cup Finals are on the line, and this cup will be no differently.

NEW ENTRY ADDED TO OFFICIAL PRAYING2GOD DICTIONARY

In a statement released by the Praying2God governement today, they added the term "gilgrado" to the official Praying2God dictionary. The statement said that "gilgrado" is an adjective meaning "the worst form of evil." The international community has been quiet so far in regards to this announcement.

Zucchinis One Step Closer

Giant Zucchini produced the scoreline needed to qualify for the World Cup qualifying playoffs as Perles' inspirational hat-trick dismissed Seton Rebel at Highbury.

Giant Zucchini have Oaker to beat next if they are to make history by qualifying for the World Cup for the first time since the collapse.

Yusebo was left on the bench as teenager Radolno was given his first senior international start.

Radolno was immediately involved, racing onto Sharleston's through-ball only to clip his shot just wide of the far post.

However, while Perles also mishit a shot wide, Seton Rebel were unduly disturbed at this stage, with their five-man midfield stemming the Zucchinis' attacking tide.

Indeed, the away side were twice almost caught out on the counter-attack.

Oshin was tested out with an early snap-shot, while Mave was beaten to a Seton Rebel cross and thudded a header against the crossbar.

With Mave going off with a thigh problem, on came Siroko, with Berisi, whose confidence has been affected over recent weeks, shifting back into his normal central defensive position.

Seton Rebel still threatened, as their free-kick was met with a diving header that flashed wide.

However, Perles eased Giant Zucchini's worries six minutes before the break as he swivelled onto Siroko's cross and, after taking one touch, clipped his shot past the keeper.

Seton Rebel then struck a cross straight into Kozi at point-blank range but his claims for a penalty for handball were turned down.

After a Seton Rebel defender had been booked for a dangerous tackle on Sarnos, Sharleston lifted a chance well over the bar when Seton Rebel dropped a corner just before the break.

But Giant Zucchini continued to dominate after the restart, with Kryff heading wide before Kozi won the ball off Seton Rebel and Sharleston played through Perles.

The Mato FC striker was left one-on-one with the Seton Rebel keeper and nonchalantly clipped his shot over the keeper to put his side 2-0 ahead with 53 minutes gone.

Giant Zucchini never looked entirely comfortable at the back thereafter, even though Badenfauer was growing in confidence as the match progressed.

Seton Rebel was allowed the space to shoot tamely at Oshin, while they nipped in ahead of Badenfauer to meet a cross, only to place the first-time shot just inches wide.

Radolno was then substituted, with Yusebo's arrival greeted by murmurs of dissatisfaction from the away fans.

However, it was still Perles who carried the main threat and he completed his hat-trick with four minutes left from a free-kick.

He was rather aided by the Seton Rebel keeper, who saved the initial effort yet saw the ball rebound into the net off his body after hitting the post, but the Mato FC captain still took all the plaudits.

Now Giant Zucchini just need the small matter of a repeat performance against Oaker.


Final score:

Seton Rebel - 0


Giant Zucchini - 3
Perles (39, 53, 85)

Man of the Match: Perles

Jeruselem Government News

Dots push Jeruselem into play-offs

Jeruselem finished 3rd in Group 1 of World Cup XXI to earn a spot in the playoffs and narrowly missed out on an automatic position in the Group stage as One Red Dot got 2nd position through goal difference.

In fact, Lykaia played the dots and El Cid for match day 13 and 14 like Jeruselem and got the SAME results. One draw and one loss, as well as a 18-13 goal difference.

Match day 13 produced draws for the top 4 as the dots drew Jeruselem 1-1 and Lykaia drew El Cid 0-0. This didn't do much to resolve the top 3 at all, but it did mean Jeruselem could not be knocked out and Lykaia needed to win their next game.

Match day 14 did decide everything. El Cid escaped winning 1-0 against Jeruselem where the Spaniads sealed top spot but really had to earn it. Lykaia lost against the dots 2-0 meaning the dots confirming their position but also leapfrogging to 2nd on goal difference. They had the same win-draw-loss record except they also had some recent big wins to boost their goal difference.

Jeruselem meet 22th seed Commerce Heights in the playoffs (two-legged) to make the group stage.

MD13
One Red Dot - Jeruselem 1-1
EL CID THE HERO - Lykaia 0-0
Danieljoh - Krazie 4-3

MD14
Jeruselem - EL CID THE HERO 0-1
Lykaia - One Red Dot 0-2
Krazie - Antaeus Rising 2-2


Group 1 P W D L GF-GAPts
EL CID THE HERO 12 8 2 2 23-7 26
One Red Dot 12 6 4 2 21-10 22
Jeruselem 12 6 4 2 18-13 22
Lykaia 12 4 4 4 18-13 16
Antaeus Rising 12 4 3 5 17-21 15
Krazie 12 2 3 7 17-36 9
Danieljoh 12 1 2 9 11-25 5

Unnamed helper: "Have you heard, sir?"

President Smith: "Heard what?"

Unnamed helper: "That the Druida rainbows have made it to the finals again."

President Smith: "That's great! Can we go? I've never been to a World Cup before!"

Unnamed helper: "Sir, you went to the last one, remember? It was here? In Druida?"

President Smith: "Was that the one all the Vilitans came over for?"

Unnamed helper: "That's it. When you went and lost the World Cup, only for you to find it next to the toilet."

President Smith: "Ah. Well I promise not to lose the trophy this time."

Unnamed helper: "Sir, you do realise it won't be in Druida this time?"

President Smith: "Uhuh?"

Unnamed helper: "So we don't have to look after the trophy."

President Smith: "We don't?"

Unnamed helper: "No."

President Smith: "Well... all the more reason to go. No responsibility! Fantastic!"

Unnamed helper: "Sir, you do remember you have a country to run?"

President Smith: "Actually, I've got an idea. You've seen that new show they have on TV? Jobswap?"

Unnamed helper: "Yeees...?"

President Smith: "Well, the makers have phoned me up, they want me to go on it."

Unnamed helper: "And who would you be swapping with?"

President Smith: "Well, I';m not entirely sure yet, but it'll probably be Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po."

Unnamed helper: "The football reporter and commentator?"

President Smith: "That's the one."

Unnamed helper: "And he's going to run the country for a month while we go and commentate on the World Cup?"

President Smith: "Uhuh."

Unnamed helper: "OK then. I mean, it's not as if he could do much worse."

President Smith: "And that's supposed to mean?"

Unnamed helper: "Nothing sir."

President Smith: "Well, I'll confirm it then."

Unnamed hepler: "Fine."

Jeruselem Government News

World Cup playoffs reviewed

(31) Krytenia vs Melmond (18)

Poor old Krytenia got knocked back to the playoffs like Jeruselem, we sympathise. Melmond in the playoffs? We were surprised as they are a good team too. We expect Melmond to be too strong and use their experience to progress although he have nothing against Krytenia at all.

(25) Jeruselem vs Commerce Heights (22)

We fully expect our boys to give this playoff thing their best. Former world cup champs CH will be tough, but we MUST win this playoff. On the other hand, we hate playoffs and overtime especially in this type of situation.

(62) Giant Zucchini vs Oaker (43)

GZ has done well and old friends Oaker stand in their way. From experience, Oaker is favourite and it's experience should see it past GZ whose world cup record is not the best one around.

(1) Audioslavia vs Iansisle (15)

Audioslavia and former-qualifying group buddies Iansisle NOT automatically placed. What a shock. We know the Ians well, and they are tough but meeting top seeded Audioslavia is a big assignment. If the slaves can't win this playoff then it's goodbye to their top seed status. Do not write off the Ians, they can win this too.

(26) Sarzonia vs Wella (34)

Both seasoned campaigners, the Stars vs Wella. Long suffering Sarzonia fans will know what it means to endure disappointments when their team just fall short for such a talented team. This is a tough one to judge, but we pick Wella.

(41) Oddslavo vs South Osettia (56)

South Osettia have probably the easiest game, but puppet state Oddslavo is not someone to take lightly. The Osettians must raise their game as the Oddos are getting better and better. We hope Osettians win but we would rather play the Osettians if we had the choice.

The orange-clad monks were a strange sight in Zuka, Eauz. The city would appear to foreigners from capitalist countries cold and boring because there was no advertising, only banners with socialist slogans in French (and translation for visitors), but for anyone open-minded or socialist this was a relieve. No 100000 things competing for the rare ressource of attention. For the monks, the city was terrible: It was crowded, it was smelly, there was much traffic of all forms: cars, bikes, busses and of course many people walking. Monk Huri nearly collapsed due to claustrophobia. The monks were surprised how many stores of the state-owned fast food chain there were. The monks had problems with their search here. Margaret was known, but since religion is against Marx's theories, people do not believe in reincarnation. Due to higher magic, they were able to talk to the Eauzians, but they live in a different world than the monks and even though people knew inikresaism, meeting someone who is an inikresaistic monk is a culture clash par excellence. Often the sounds of hectically hiding something were heard before the doors were opened.
It took a long time to find the places, the pendulum indicated and to explain parents that you are not at all interested in telling to The Party about anything you saw but are only here to make some tests, which are according to them only a matter of chance. And suddenly after they finished the last (successless) visit, the spell ended and the monks were not able to speak Commie-French anymore. They were pretty lost and the task to find the station was nearly impossible. Eventually and after going through the city for hours and realizing that they just went one big circle, they saw that the place they were at when the spell ceased was only one street away from the station.

South Osettia have probably the easiest game, but puppet state Oddslavo is not someone to take lightly. The Osettians must raise their game as the Oddos are getting better and better. We hope Osettians win but we would rather play the Osettians if we had the choice.


Head Coach Paul Johnson (PJ): Hey John! Come here and look at this! :eek:

Assistant Coach John Ball (JB): **walks over** What do you want, Paul?

PJ: Take a look at this article from Jerusalem. :eek:

JB: **looks at the article** "South Osettia have probably the easiest game" :confused:

**both men break out in uncontrolable laughter for several minutes, during that time, the rest of the Warriors' staff comes in to see what's so funny, and they all leave laughing hysterically too**

JB: If anything, I'd say Oddslavo have the easiest match-up if the play-off round. :p

PJ: It's definitely either Oddslavo or Oaker. :)

JB: I don't know about that, Giant Zucchini should give Oaker a tough time, but we should be the team playing Oaker. :(

PJ: Actually, it should be Tadjikistan playing Oaker, and we should be waiting for the group play portion of the WC finals to start. :mad:

JB: Stupid Gilgradians. :mp5:

(OOC: This is a short play, and has no relevance at all with the main storyline. The characters are the same, the setting is not.)

“I think we may be stuck.”

“Really? I thought we’d just stopped to admire the beauty of this quagmire we’re currently surrounded by!”

“You’re shouting isn’t helping the situation, you know.”

“Well it’s sure making me feel better – it helps me to block out the noxious gases being given off by this swamp.”

“You said it was a quagmire a second ago.”

“Swamp, quagmire…they’re all the same – they all stink!” The trip to West South Osettia hadn’t been going to plan. After their success in guiding the football team into third place in Group Eight, SOFA Chief Sam Wanabaker had insisted that Cathy, Tom and Hugh take a break on South Osettia’s rural island. It was completely different to the hustle and bustle of East South Osettia, and the biggest difference for them was undoubtedly the abundance of marshland on the island, a large patch of which Hugh had driven their jeep into as he tried to avoid hitting an armadillo in the road (or, at least, what was as much of a road as you got in West South Osettia – on the eastern island it would have been called a dust track).

“Somebody’s going to have to get out and push us back onto the road.” Both men looked over the side into the green sludge surrounding them. Tom got there first.

“I vote Hugh.”

“So do I,” said Cathy. Hugh looked annoyed to say the very least.

“Why do I always win the bad votes?”

“You got us into this mess – I think it’s up to you to get us out of it, don’t you think?” This was Tom who, after speaking, threw a pair of knee-high rubber boots at Hugh. “Here, you might want to put these on first.”

***

After fifteen minutes of straining from Hugh, the jeep was back on the ‘road’. Tom and Cathy had tried to make the exercise as strenuous as possible for Hugh by jumping up and down in their seats (affecting the weight distribution, of course) and giving shouts of ‘Hurry up, Hugh’ and ‘Are we still here?’ at regular intervals. Their tactics had worked, and they counted three times that Hugh slipped in the sticky goo, losing his grip on the jeep and causing it to roll back several feet. This was followed by shouts of ‘You slipped, Hugh’, which only served to annoy him further. Eventually, with one final shove from Hugh, the car was out of the mess and back on the road. He ran around to the front to see Cathy and Tom eating potato chips and reading magazines.

“Thanks for the help, guys.”

“No problem,” said Cathy, before holding out a bag. “Potato chip?”

***

“So where exactly are we supposed to be going, anyway?” Hugh had said that he knew a nice little town where they could stay, but had neglected to tell the others where it was, or even what it was called.

“I told you, you’ll find out when we get there!”

“Well when we get there, let me know. I wouldn’t want to miss the finding out.” Tom pulled his wide-brimmed hat over his face and fell asleep, leaving Cathy and Hugh sitting in silence. Hugh tried to break it.

“So…are you enjoying it out here?”

“As much as you can enjoy getting stuck in the mud and counting endless numbers of trees.” Another period of silence.

“I wish Emmett was here.”

“We said we weren’t going to talk about it.”

“Why not? We’ve got nothing else to talk about!”

“Hugh…I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good.”

“Fine.”

“I hope we’re not going to sit here for the next God knows how many hours bandying one-word affirmatives at each other.”

“We’re not going to be here for the next God knows how many hours. In fact…I think this turn-in up ahead is ours.” Indeed it was, and as they drove at some pace over a speed bump, Tom was jolted from his slumber.

“Do you mind driving a little…you know…saner? I’d like it if I didn’t get a brain haemorrhage every time you drove over one of those things.”

“Relax, grouchy. Hugh says we’re here now.”

“Oh good. Let the finding out begin.”

“You really did take that too literally, Tom.”

“I thought that’s what I always did. It’s something I picked up from my Dad.”

“Good point.” They drove past a sign bearing the words ‘Welcome to Death Ridge.”

“Well that’s a nice name for a nice little town.”

“It’s just a stupid little superstition.”

“Really?”

“Apparently there are a lot of suicides around here. People jump off the cliff and fall to their deaths below. It’s nothing too serious.”

“No, of course not. Who would have even thought for a second that death was a serious thing?”

“Tom…go back to sleep.”

***

It was a few hours later that the three work colleagues were sat in the local public house. Each had their favourite drinks in hand: Tom a pint of beer, Hugh a lemonade, and Cathy some kind of red cocktail that neither man had the courage to ask its contents. Tom had bought a newspaper at a nearby kiosk, and was perusing the sports section to see whom South Osettia would be playing in the play-offs.

“Oddslavo…aren’t they an LE puppet?”

“That they are, Tom. Why, is that who we got?”

“Yeah. There then here. Oh well, I suppose it could have been worse.”

“How is that, Tom?”

“I dunno…I suppose we could be playing Druida…then we’d be screwed. As it is, we’re only slightly twisted.”

“How did Praying2God do?”

“Er…not here. Why would we be printing about them anyway? It’s a waste of paper in my opinion.” Both Cathy and Hugh nodded in agreement, before Cathy started waving her hand around in front of Tom’s face.

“Listen, I’m ever so slightly drunk, so I’m gonna go back to the hotel and…hit the sack.”

“Sure – do you need any help getting there?”

“No thanks. I’m sure I’ll be just fine.” As Cathy tried to get out of her chair, she tripped over her feet and fell, sprawling herself out on the wooden timbers.

“Hugh…I think it might be best if you went with her. I’ll be along soon, okay? I’m just going to finish reading.” Hugh got to his feet and practically dragged Cathy, who was obviously a little more than slightly drunk, having curled up on the floor and fallen asleep. Tom continued to read about the play-off draw before looking at the odds. Oddslavo were favourites, but the margin was significantly small. Small enough to pull off a shock. Tom wasn’t sure, but he did know that the next two nights would be one hell of a roller coaster ride.

Play-off matchday 1 is up (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8398578&postcount=18)

And with it, the very last of the Streetian Football Moments:

1. Axewielder's retirement, Cup of Harmony win, World Cup 15

An epic moment in Streetian football. World Cup 15 still gives the strongest memories to Streetian fans, despite it being more than 20 years ago, both because of alleged unfair treatment of the WCC but mostly because of the retirement of a great man - um, a small dwarf. The campaign started with a fantastic 5-0 win over Lykaia, one of the largest victories for the Street in recent times, and was followed up with a 3-2 victory over Wella, who annoyingly came back to everything the Streetians had except a long shot from James Underwood. Their huge goal difference meant that they were through with anything but a four-goal loss, and a safe 1-1 draw with half the team - including Rikki "Godmod" Stone - on the bench, and Stone was even banned for two games because he didn't bother to show up. Then, an extra-time victory over Melmond in their own Melmond Bowl sent them into the semi-finals, a very lucky break - and then 1-0 over Wella in a Karela-like match, which sent them into a final with The Lowland Clans.

In the fifteenth minute of the half, Cockbill Street got the break-through they may not have deserved. And how fitting that Harald Axewielder, the man who has not missed an international since he got injured in a freak accident over 20 years ago, and who is now retiring, got the chance to score it. A free-kick from 25 yards out curled back over the wall, into the post and then into the net - a bit of luck, yes, but it sent the Streeter fans into a state of complete ecstasy. The Street were only sixteen minutes away from their second major trophy at football, and in style, too.

After an early goal from the prodigal son Rikki Stone, Kevin Donahugh had equalised, sending the Streeters into their second extra-time period in three games. But that didn't deter this generation of Streeters, who showed a fighting spirit unequalled in anyone but perhaps the current rugby team. As explained above, Harald Axewielder scored the decisive 2-1 goal, and Petter Stonelover scored on the counter-attack three minutes before the final whistle to clinch the match for the Streeters. You'd be hard pushed to find a Streeter in the 90,000-capacity Melmond Bowl with a dry eye as Harald Axewielder lifted the Harmony Cup, and even the dwarf himself was seen with a tear in the corner of the eye.

The Full List:

8. 1-0 win over Evisceratomatoes, World Cup 10
7. 2-1 win over Spaam, World Cup 14, qualifying for second round
6. Stu Underwood, World Cup 19
5. Lovisa debacle, World Cup 15
4. Opening ceremony, World Cup 13
3. Nick Yu, World Cup 17
2. Golden Keg Win, World Cup 12
1. Axewielder's retirement, Cup of Harmony win, World Cup 15

IANNIHILATED
'Out of form' Audioslavia smash four past Iansisle

Audioslavia, 4-4-2
-----------------------------
| 22 |
| Celta |
| |
| 6 5 |
| 2 Ceulemans Johnstone 3 |
|Colgan Carel |
| |
| 19 20 11 |
| Jeroen Battle Jansen |
| |
| 10 |
| Marriot |
| 17 9 |
| Cesare McLlroy |
| |
-----------------------------
|Lots of people called Trevor |
-----------------------------
Iansisle, 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1

After two years of banging our heads against brick walls, watching the once-great 'slaves get played off the park by puppets, average-joes and Sonaron, watching the 'slaves scrape narrow victories against sides we would have put four or five past in earlier days, the Audioslavian fans finally have something to cheer about.

The pundits and the naysayers were giving out warnings in the days leading up to the match. 'Iansisle want it more', 'Audioslavia don't have what it takes', 'The team is just shit' and the like, but it turned out oh-so differently.

First of all, Ally Marriot was fantastic. His goal against Kylaai really boosted his confidence, as can be seen in his turn in fortunes at club level, where he scored nine goals in Fatherham's last six games to help them get to sixth in the final table. It has to be said that it was Ally who was the difference between this match ending 1-0 or 4-0. He may have had nothing to do with Pierre Cesare's fifteenth minute strike, but he was instrumental in midfield for the second goal, linking the wings to the strikers to the midfield all with nifty touches and pin-point-perfect pinged passes. His through ball on the half-hour mark set Cesare up for his second goal, before Marriot got his own name on the score-sheet with a superbly taken volley just after half-time.

3-0 up at home, the 'slaves took their foot off the gas for a while and almost paid for it, Iansisle's Trevor McTrevor coming close to grabbing a vital away goal in time for the second leg.

The game was wrapped up five minutes from time, again through Marriot who's cheeky back heel let in Jansen behind the defence. The winger's shot was blocked by the Ians' goalkeeper, but substitute Alec Bull was on hand to finish up and give Audioslavia a formidable four-goal lead going into the second leg in Iansisle.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 4-0 Iansisle
Cesare 15
Cesare 32
Marriot 57
Bull 84

Audioslavia's prospects look a whole lot rosier now than they did last week or even last year. All they need to do is avoid defeat against Iansisle, a team who has never beaten Audioslavia and has just come off the back of a 4-0 defeat. A 4-0 Iansisle win would take the game into extra time, but 5-1 or 6-2 or more would see the 'slaves progress on goal difference. Although the chances are slight, Audioslavia have already been beaten 3-0 away by a side one-hundred ranks below Iansisle, so I wouldn't start opening those champagne bottles yet. The 'slaves have a straightforward job to do Iansisle, barring a shock, they should do it.

Whilst were on the subject of shocks, Oddslavo will have to pull one off to get through against South Osettia who demolished them 3-0 away from home. The same goes for Wella, who looked noticeably second-best against hotly-tipped Sarzonia. Elsewhere, Krytenia and Jeruselem failed to make home advantage count, the former being held 0-0 by Melmond, the latter falling to a 1-0 scoreline against Commerce Heights.

Predictions for the second legs:

Melmond 1-1 Krytenia
agg 1-1, Krytenia go through on away goals

Commerce Heights 0-0 Jerusalem
agg 1-0

Oaker 3-2 Giant Zucchini
agg 4-4, Giant Zucchini go through on away goals

Iansisle 2-0 Audioslavia
agg 2-4

Wella 0-2 Sarzonia
agg 1-6

South Osettia 3-0 Oddslavo
agg 6-0

I Hate Nonesuch Street!
Late Goal Sends Melmond Into Pressure Packed Playoff
By Taro Root of the Suburbia Free Press

TIME DILATION CITY, NONESUCH STREET—One had a foreboding feeling on the bus ride from the main airport in Time Dilation City to the Relatively Large Arena, where the Fearless Farmers were surprisingly fighting for their qualification lives in a match against surging Nonesuch Street. Nonesuch Street, a side not very fancied has surprised many and still kept themselves alive in the playoff hunt despite some lopsided losses. Unfortunately, despite being much more highly touted than Nonesuch Street, the Fearless Farmers always seem to find a way lose to this team. They remind us much of another not so fancied national team which always found a way to frustrate and curse the Fearless Farmers, Oaker. After initially beating them in the Cup of Harmony in Melmond, the Fearless Farmers found inventive ways to losing to this side, getting thrashed home and away during the disappointing World Cup 16 qualification. World Cup 17 qualification wasn’t any better with a loss and tie, but Melmond’s success against other teams led them to an automatic qualifying berth. Now, Nonesuch Street has beaten Melmond two out of three times and in this match both teams qualification chances are on the line. Melmond will clinch an automatic bid with a win and in some scenarios a tie will bring them an automatic berth. Nonesuch Street can only do one thing to survive, win. That win would give them a playoff berth or quite possibly an improbable automatic bid. That was the scenario, and the Fearless Farmers and their faithful got themselves a very ominous sign. Right as the latest Sports edition of the Ketchup Times was about to be available for the international press, the dormant international sports press of Oaker published a much overdue report. Once again, Oaker is shadowing Melmond as the foreboding shadow slowly swallowed the Fearless Farmers.
The Fearless Farmers seemed in control for most of the first half as their attacks were fast and frequent. The Nonesuch Street defence and goalkeeper really had to stay on their toes and on full-alert for the half, and with the help of the frenzied home crowd excited about the possibility of clinching their first ever World Cup berth in their home nation, kept their concentration and their abilities at their peak and perhaps beyond it. However, as many chances as the Fearless Farmers had in the first half, one ball was bound to hit the back of the net. Taking those honours is Melmond’s top scorer, striker Gene MacDougall, who effectively cleaned up a not so lively deflection of fellow Melmondian striker Debora Unne’s striker off the shin of Nonesuch Street defender H. A. Beyta. MacDougall’s goal was at the 29th minute and the Fearless Farmers grab the 1-nil lead they would keep until the end of the first half.
During the rest of the first half however, Nonesuch Street played their defence well against Melmond’s attacks and seemed to gain confidence as the morale of the frenzied crowd was beginning to pick up again. The second half was the result of what was about to culminate as the first half ended. Nonesuch Street was now the aggressor and Melmond was now on full attention to make sure this team does not get another goal. Manager David Bixler was about to make some quick substitutions, bringing in three more defenders in place of two midfielders and a striker to play a Karela style. However, the circumstances quickly changed. It was said by many Nonesuch Street publications that scenes with hot sex or extreme violence with their players would be rather entertaining. Well, the infraction made did involve sex and violence, but one wouldn’t call the act itself hot or extreme. Perhaps it was an extreme measure done by a hot headed player. Young opportunist Melmond midfielder Bob Fillyfoo was dragged down to the ground by the arm of Nonesuch Street W.E. Pohli. Unfortunately for the Fearless Farmers, that infraction wasn’t seen by officials, but his reaction was certainly seen as Fillyfoo gave a rather blatantly looking low blow which he seemed to attempt to be covert. Pohli was on the ground in extreme pain while Fillyfoo was immediately sent off with a red card at the 52nd minute. Although he would really never recover to play to full-strength during the match, Pohli insisted that he’d stay in the match.
Now the Fearless Farmers were a player down in a very important match. Manager David Bixler still kept to the Karela ideal despite being down a player. Midfielders Pauline Hulme and Martin Goodwin Jr. as well as striker Debora Unne were substituted in favor of the three defenders on the bench: Enid Clowes, Nick Kresge, and Greg Gurewitz. Nonesuch Street made some adjustments of their own to increase the offensive output; replacing defender N.H.D. Boore and midfielder M.K.E.L Plank in favor of the two strikers still on the bench: S. W. Horking and L. Boltsman.
Despite the Fearless Farmers’ best efforts on defence with one player down, the new offensive punch and the momentum of the home crowd of Nonesuch Street soon took its toll on the Fearless Farmers. Melmond goalkeeper Alex McCarthy made a fantastic save to keep Nonesuch Street striker J.C. MacSwell’s strike out of the net, knocking the ball out of bounds in the process. Nonesuch Street would earn a corner kick, and would get the Fearless Farmers to bleed as Nonesuch Street midfielder L. Mightner was mighty in his successful attempt to get position to head the ball in the net past Alex McCarthy. The crowd erupted in a decibel-shattering fervor as Nonesuch Street scored the equaliser at the 68th minute.
The Fearless Farmers stayed calm and collected however, knowing that even a tie would put them in an automatic qualifying berth as the result, a one-one tie between Hiiraan and Starblaydia. However, Nonesuch Street also knew a win would make them an automatic qualifier. Both sides really stepped it up toward the end as sweat poured upon the pitch from players of both sides. Competition was fierce and physical, something which usually favors the Fearless Farmers. However, during injury time, a play that would stream tears down the faces of Melmondians and Nonesuch Streetians would occur.
Nonesuch Street were making the final push in order to qualify for the World Cup in front of a loud and optimistic crowd. The Fearless Farmers made sure they have marked their men. But an unfortunate thing happened. While making sure they were in the best range of marking their assigned players, Melmond defenders Nick Kresge and Notint Hecloset collided into each other and fell down, and leaving Nonesuch Street striker S.W. Horking wide open for an easy shot with only Melmond goalkeeper Alex McCarthy. Horking gets the ball, and his shot was quicker and out of reach of the hands of the diving McCarthy. Relatively Large Arena erupts into a roar which actually set off some seismic readings at a local university with that goal which puts them in the World Cup for the first time ever. All Melmond goalkeeper Alex McCarthy could do is kneel with his head down as the final whistle is blown after the kickoff. Nonesuch Street advances and it is a do or die playoff for the Fearless Farmers as a team formerly known as a laughingstock becomes the latest team to get on the nerves of four billion plus people.

Goals
MacDougall, MEL 29th
Mightner, NST 68th
Horking, NST 90th

Cards
Fillyfoo, MEL 52nd

Standings

Other Group 6 Results
Hiiraan 1 – Starblaydia 1
Rittarstan 0 – Chicanada 2

Group 6
GP Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Starblaydia 12 27 8 3 1 30:8 22
2. Nonesuch Street 12 22 7 1 4 19:20 -1
3. Melmond 12 21 6 3 3 24:11 13
4. Hiiraan 12 21 6 3 3 27:17 10
5. Chicanada 12 16 4 4 4 21:26 -5
6. Rittarstan 12 7 2 1 9 9:29 -20
7. Allanea 12 4 1 1 10 8:27 -19

Team Stats
Goals: Gene MacDougall (10), Debora Unne (4), Jake Cormier (3), Pauline Hulme (2), Martin Goodwin Jr. (1), Jamie Prior (1), Lave Serna (1), Bob Fillyfoo (1), Charles Unne (1),
Cards: Pauline Hulme (2), Bob Fillyfoo (1,1), Debora Unne (1),

Melmond National Team Schedule

v Allanea (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne) W 4-0
@ Rittarstan W 4-0
BYE
@ Chicanada T 2-2
@ Starblaydia L 3-0
@ Hiiraan T 1-1
v Nonesuch Street (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) L 2-0
@ Allanea W 1-0
v Rittarstan (Makinshakes Stadium, O’Connor) W 2-0
BYE
v Chicanada (Anachronism Park, Cali) W 7-0
v Starblaydia (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City) T 1-1
v Hiiraan (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi) W 1-0
@ Nonesuch Street L 2-1
@ Krytenia
v Krytenia (White Bread Dome, Suburbia)

Next Game
@ Krytenia

Well, the next two matches are self-explanatory, if the Fearless Farmers have the goal advantage after two matches, they redeem themselves and Manager David Bixler will get to keep his job. If they do not, the Fearless Farmers embarrassingly fall to the Cup of Harmony and David Bixler will be the ex-manager. Thanks to goal differential, the Fearless Farmers beat Hiiraan for this playoff spot against Krytenia. Oddly enough, Nonesuch Street has to be the only team ever to automatically qualify for the World Cup with a negative goal-differential, especially in this format. Krytenia is a strong side and certainly will not be overlooked. The Fearless Farmers will be playing without young phenom Bob Fillyfoo for both playoff matches due to a red card suspension. Midfielder Belle Bete will take his place in Manager David Bixler’s starting lineup.

GK- Alex McCarthy
D- Notint Hecloset
D- Maxwell Wong
D- Charles Unne
D- Laola Saenu
M- Belle Bete
M- Martin Goodwin Jr.
M- Pauline Hulme
M- Jake Cormier
F- Gene MacDougall
F- Debora Unne

For tickets to Krytenia, call the Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. Krytenia is a nice nation which is mainly known for a notorious spicy cuisine even more mouthburning than some restaurants in some of Melmond City’s ethnic enclaves. Especially try a vindaloo brownie. Tickets for the match are sold out!

Scoreless Troopers
Since it was a scoreless draw in Krytenia, I really don't have much to write about. Krytenia made some great strikes, but Melmond goalkeeper Alex McCarthy was amazing at goal. Everything is on the line in Melmond. Krytenia will have the misfortune of coming into the White Bread Dome in Suburbia, Melmond's only indoor football specific stadium. Not only will it be loud as hell with the fervent Fearless Farmers faithful, but they shall be armed with kazoos. Krytenians, book yourselves a trip straight to the Cup of Harmony. And by the way Audioslavia, your predictions are shite, especially since the rules state that in case of a tie there will be an extra time period followed by a shootout.

Stars wear out Wella, 4-1

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- The Sarzonian national team didn't want to be here, facing Wella in a two leg playoff match for the right to advance to the World Cup finals for the third consecutive time. Instead of wilting under the pressure, the Stars took out their frustration on Wella, getting goals from midfielders Darwin Russell, Henrik Bastale, Bobby Convey, and forward Brian Wilson and ripping Wella, 4-1, in front of 78,239 at Hendrix Stadium.

"We're obviously disappointed that we're not one of the 24 teams with automatic bids from qualifying," Coach Dave Wilson said. "But we can't sit around and mope. We've got to get out there and do the job."

And do the job they did. Brian Wilson made sure the Stars wouldn't start out flat emotionally, firing the first shot on goal just 55 seconds after the opening kickoff.

"We wanted to send a message right away," Brian Wilson said. "We wanted to bury them early and not give them any hope." The Stars outshot Wella 29-6 for the match, including an 11-4 disparity in shots on goal. Wella didn't fire its first shot on goal until ten minutes remained in the first half.

The Stars travel to Wella for the second leg of the playoff with a 4-1 lead in the aggregate and the team determined not to let the berth in the World Cup finals slip away.

"It's all on us to make sure we do our jobs," Brian Wilson said. "We have nobody to blame but ourselves if we don't make it."

Ankh-Morpork C-mail

These Rules Are Damn Tough

Twelve nations are involved in a play-off to reach Cockbill Street and Lethislavania's Twenty-First World Cup - and they don't know what the rules are for it, even though they have been clearly stated. Therefore, we bring you a quick rule update:

1) If aggregate scores are tied after 90 minutes, the team with the most away goals wins the tie and progresses.
2) If away goals are tied after 90 minutes, an extra-time period of 30 minutes shall be played. The away goals rule shall not be applied after extra-time if scores are still tied - instead there will be a penalty shoot-out to determine the winner.

Please note that the officials have been instructed to give the total score in the match - so 8-4 after penalties (4-1 aet), means that the shoot-out ended 4-3. This will also be the case for the aggregate scores (so in the case above, if the away team had a 3-0 lead from the first leg, the aggregate score will be 8-7).

“3-0?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re kidding me!”

“Absolutely not. Look, it says it right here.” Tom held the paper under Cathy’s nose, and whilst she was still a little hung over, she could still make out the phrase ‘Oddslavo’s Odd Defeat’ in a very big font. The island of West South Osettia liked to detach itself from the main island, and thought of itself as a separate nation. Thus the writing was balanced, unbiased and very accurate, which was one of the good things about Western SO journalism. It was just a shame they couldn’t come up with better headlines though…

“So let me get this straight. We beat Oddslavo, a team ranked above us, by three goals to nil, our biggest victory so far in this campaign…and all away from home?”

“That’s the long and short of it, yeah.”

“Okay, does anyone else think that this could just be an overly pleasant dream?”

“Don’t worry, Cathy, I’ve already pinched myself several times – this is real.”

“Oh my God!”

“There were chants of ‘Are you watching, P2G?’”

“Oh, those supporters really know what to do, don’t they?”

“And at the end the there was a pitch invasion.”

“I hope no-one was arrested.”

“No, the local police said that they could understand the sentiment, and weren’t prepared to spoil the moment.”

“That was nice – we should send some muffins or something.”

“So what are the chances of us getting through?”

“Well, before the match, we were 50-1 outsiders. That’s now been slashed to 3-1.”

“That’s a big slash.”

“No kidding. Audioslavia predict the same score-line at home, meaning they think we’ll win 6-0 on aggregate.”

“If only.”

“I’m not convinced.”

“…excuse me?”

“We’re only 3-0 up.”

“I’m sorry…did you just say ‘only’ 3-0 up?”

“Yeah. Who’s to say Oddslavo won’t come over and thrash us 4-0 in our own park. Let’s face it – we did it to them!”

“Tom, the odds of that are very slim.”

”Yeah, but they’re still there. You can do what you want, and you can say what you want, but until that final whistle goes tonight, and until we are 100% in the World Cup finals, don’t get me involved.”

“Okay, who is she?”

“Who?”

”The girl you met last night.”

“I didn’t meet any girl last night!”

“Tom, I’ve known you for five years, and I know that the only time you get this worked up abut something is if you’ve met some girl the night before. So, who is she?”

“I have not met a girl!” Tom saw the look Cathy was giving him. It was the ‘yeah, right’ look. Tom hated that look.

“Don’t give me that look.”

”What?”

“You’re giving me that look…that look that you use when you’re trying to say that I’m lying without actually saying it.”

“Tom, I don’t know what you’re talking about – you’re just going paranoid.”

“Look, Cathy, for God’s sake, I have not met any girl. I’ve not even come into contact with anyone from the opposite sex in this town. I…have…not…met anybody!” It was at that point that Hugh entered the room.

“Tom, there’s some girl at the door who says she’s looking for you. She said you met her last night.” There was that look again.

“Okay…maybe there was a little bit of contact.”

Substitute Shur Turns the Tide

Two second-half goals from Shur and Perles condemned Oaker to a narrow first leg defeat against Giant Zucchini in the Giant Zucchini National Stadium.

An own goal by Sarnos had gifted the away side a first-half lead but they failed to hold on to their advantage after the break and the game turned when striker Flash Oaker was cruelly sent off by the referee for a second bookable offence.

Substitute Shur equalised with a right-foot drive in the 66th minute and then his shot was diverted in by Perles seven minutes later.

Arthin Oaker sped on to Sport Oaker's 40-yard pass and sent over the low cross that Giant Zucchini defender Sarnos turned into his own net in the 33rd minute.

The goal arrived totally against the run of play with the Zucchinis in full control in the opening half.

But Oaker could have finished the opening 45 minutes two goals to the good had Flash Oaker realised he had more time and space to finish off another wonderful through ball from Venus Oaker.

Oaker began the first leg in a somewhat nervous fashion.

And it was hardly a surprise to anyone in the vast bowl that is the National Stadium, that Giant Zucchini contrived an opening after only three minutes.

Sport Oaker's distribution is normally unquestionable but his lack of accuracy allowed Perles to intercept the ball and slip Madorna in the clear on the left flank.

But the Patagonia FC man's shot whistled past Carrin Oaker's left-hand post as did another effort from Perles himself moments later as the hosts took full advantage of an edgy Oaker defence.

The Sharks were further exposed in the 10th minute when their defence failed to deal adequately with a cross from Gominsha and Madorna sent another right-foot shot wide of the target.

Oaker's midfield, with the exception of the hardworking Venus Oaker, displayed limited ambition to attack.

Instead, their tactical preference was to close down the space and time for the playmaking Sharleston and Gominsha, along with Madorna and Perles in attack.

The plan worked for much of the opening half with Giant Zucchini restricted to few clear cut opportunities to open the scoring.

Two minutes after Sarnos' error, Flash Oaker could have put Oaker two in front when Venus Oaker's admirable through ball left the Oaker striker in the clear.

But, with only goalkeeper Oshin to beat, Flash Oaker sent his shot wide of the right-hand post for a costly miss.

In the 38th minute, Oaker began to take full advantage of a Giant Zucchini side clearly reeling from Sarnos' blunder and Freddy Oaker sent a 20-yard effort just too high as, for once, the National Stadium fell silent.

The game erupted into controversy in the 55th minute when the referee red-carded Flash Oaker for what appeared to be nothing more than a 50-50 challenge for the ball with goalkeeper Oshin.

Flash Oaker had been booked in the first half for a foul on Badenfauer and, when the Oaker striker and the goalkeeper went down as a result of the collision, the official produced a second yellow for the Oaker striker.

The Sharks now found themselves down to 10 men, having 35 minutes to cope with a Giant Zucchini attack given fresh hope by Oaker's numerical handicap.

In the 65th minute, Oaker's luck held as substitute Seforo sent a left-foot shot inches wide of the post after Torry Oaker had managed to block the first effort from Perles.

But a minute later the hosts were level when substitute Shur finished off a three-man move involving Madorna and Perles.

Shur managed to squirm his way clear of Stef Oaker to fire an angled right-foot beyond Carrin Oaker in the Oaker goal.

Worse was to come in the 73rd minute when Oaker failed to cut out Shur's drive from the right and Perles hit the matchwinner with a crisp drive from eight yards to give them a slender advantage to take to the Pinealla International Stadium.


Final score:

Giant Zucchini - 2
Shur (67), Perles (74)

Oaker - 1
Sarnos (33) (og)

Man of the Match: Shur

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem playoff curse continues on ...

Commerce Heights is now the favourite to progress to the group stage after a 1-0 against Jeruselem in the 1st leg.

For both halves, the defense give very little and the scores showed. A solitary goal in the 1st leg to Commerce Heights after a dubious penalty was awarded give CH the leg-up in the game. After that no one was able to crack the defenses of each other. CH in the 2nd half had brick wall in front of goal as Jeruselem threw everything except n00ks at them to get required goal to offset the deficit.

Jeruselem really need to win the next leg and outscore CH. Given the current results, it's going to be really tough but we have done the impossible before. If you can beat El Cid and One Red Dot, it's all possible.

The coach for Jeruselem, James Stuart forced his players to practice penalty shots all the next day as Jeruselem's record for penalty shootouts is quite bad. He promised a more aggressive approach to the next game which is do or die now.

Jeruselem - Commerce Heights 0-1

Others scores
Krytenia - Melmond 0-0
Giant Zucchini - Oaker 2-1
Audioslavia - Iansisle 4-0
Sarzonia - Wella 4-1
Oddslavo - South Osettia 0-3

The Stars and Slaves recorded excellent wins (4-1 and 4-0) and look like going though pending brain explosions from their defense in the 2nd leg. South Osettia fired up and blasted the Oddslavo 3-0 and shouldn't lose it now. Giant Zucchini hold a slim advantage over Oaker 2-1. Krytenia and Melmond had a scoreless draw so it's no advantage to anyone there.

Nonesuch Street Qualify
Horking In Last-Minute Debacle

In their third attempt at cracking a World Cup finals spot, Nonesuch Street achieved it with a fine 2-1 victory over Melmond in Time Dilation City - a match that sent the Fearless Farmers into the play-offs with Krytenia, and were ever so close to knocking them out. In other words, a real do-or-die match.

And it was as tense and exciting as deserves such an important football game. The Melmond team were a bit nervy, and although they got the early 1-0 lead, they could never get through the solid wall that formed the backline of Nonesuch Street. For once, the team held out with stamina as well, although they were helped by Fillyfoo's totally untoward and unjustified blow to Pohli's groin area. With ten against eleven, Melmond crumbled, and Nonesuch Street changed formation from 5-3-2 to 3-3-4 - needing a victory in the last 30 minutes.

The tactic worked. Nonesuch Street got a corner, exquisitely curved in by MacSwell, and Mightner headed in the equaliser - a well needed boost for the Nonesuch team, who needed a victory. Melmond employed a System Karela, knowing that 1-1 would get them through, but in injury time things fell apart for Melmond. Kresge and Hecloset, the two central defenders, collided with each other, the ball fell to Horking's feet, and he nudged it into the goal with a gentle tip to the left of McCarthy.

Thus, Nonesuch Street - up to now one of the more insignificant teams of the World Cup, with a semi-final of the Cup of Harmony the only result worthy of note - have qualified for the World Cup finals in Cockbill Street, despite having a negative goal difference. One can only hope for a match between the two Streets, and given both team's lowly placings at the last World Cup, it's not too likely - they'll probably both be in the fourth pot. Still, it's sparked a two-week celebration in Nonesuch Street, and they now happily await clacks news from their larger brothers with the group draw. On current form, Audioslavia would be a good team to meet...

Nonesuch Street 2 (Mightner 68, Horking 90)
Melmond 1 (MacDougall 29)

Joseuf: So I hear that some monks from Rejistania came to visit our beautiful city of Zuka a few days ago. Wonder why they came here though, you know, us being an Atheist country and all.

Assistant Coach: I don’t know. Maybe, they are spies sent from Rejistania to find out and do some scouting of our national team.

Joseuf: Our what?

AC: Our national team, you know Les Bleus

Joseuf: Oh right, I forgot, they’ve been playing so badly lately, I didn’t realise I was still coaching a national squad… Anyways, why would they scout or spy on us? Our team has only one secret. We Suck!

AC: Just because we’ve had some bad matches, doesn’t mean we “suck”. A lot of top teams have been playing badly this qualifying round.

Joseuf: Just look at the papers in Total n Utter Insanity. All of them say something along the lines of “Eauz sucks.” Even one reporter over there, somehow was able to write correct French and put a title of “Les Bleus sont nul.

AC: Oh, well… I doubt we are that bad, just we are having some trouble right now getting the spirit of the team back in form.

Joseuf: Yeh, well I’m hoping we can improve our play during the Cup, but every time I step onto that field, I never know what the outcome will be. Before, I used to be able to say who would probably win the match, but this time, its so random, and things aren’t the same. Nonetheless, maybe with a larger crowd than what we’ve been playing in front of will improve things. If we don’t go far in this cup, I might just have to step down from the position…

AC: What? You can’t leave, this team became better under you. Just because you have a bad qualifying round, or even world cup, things will improve, I’m sure of it…

Joseuf: Ah well, anyways, maybe… just maybe I could get in good with Margaret and pray to the football god, who knows? (laughs)

Tides take account of campaign

At least the Tides can score.

The won-draw-loss record for the Talzecki colonial footballers wasn't much different from their first-ever foray into World Cup football (4-2-8 v. 3-3-6), but unlike the previous World Cup when the team was unable to score more than two goals in a match, the Tides set a record with five goals during a shocking 5-0 win over Gibberovia.

"That was probably the most dramatic statement we could make," Coach Avid Mashoda said. "We solved a lot of our scoring problems with that one match." However, Tides supporters likely will point at the following match, a 1-0 upset over heavily-favoured Eauz at Colonial Park in Constantine.

"That match was probably the shot heard 'round the world for this side," goalkeeper Nick Reynolds said. That's the match that established us as a side that can beat anyone on any given match day."

The Tides say they are looking to the future with a gradual increase in rank after the results from this World Cup are factored in. However, the team realises their road to football prominence is a long one.

"We put ourselves behind the eight ball a bit by not getting our side organised in time to participate in the Baptism of Fire Cup a few years back," Mashoda said. "Having said that, we generally haven't embarrassed ourselves and we have a good foundation we can build on for the future. As long as [Under 21 national team coach Kevin Hardy] can prepare our lads there, we should be okay in the years ahead."

Play-off matchday 2 scores (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8413465&postcount=19) are up.

Three the hard way
Stars into World Cup, pass Wella

After a 4-1 thrashing of 34th ranked Wella in the first leg of the two match playoff for the right to advance to the World Cup finals in Cockbill Street and Lethislavania, the Sarzonian national team knew that only a complete collapse would prevent them from making their third consecutive trip to the World Cup finals. Despite a sluggish performance and a family emergency for goalkeeper Horace Sandt, the Stars finally punched their ticket into the World Cup finals with a 1-0 win.

"It was a gritty performance," Coach Dave Wilson said. "We didn't play our best football by any stretch of the imagination, but we got just enough from our lads to make sure that we get back to where we've said we wanted to be all along."

The Stars got the only goal they would need in the 28th minute after midfielder Darwin Russell was fouled just outside the penalty area. The Druidan referee called for a direct free kick in spite of the protests of the Wella captain, who hinted that the referee was biased due to the Stars being a fellow Atlantian Oceania team. But midfielder Bobby Convey buried the free kick into the lower left corner of the net and the Stars left the rest up to goalkeeper Harvey Cooley.

Cooley, who shined for the Under 21 national team in recent World Cups, was making his first senior team appearance at the most inopportune moment. Sandt's father suffered a heart attack and left defender Trevor Crenshaw as the emergency backup to Cooley. But Cooley was undeterred, making six saves, three of them from point blank range.

"I just told myself I'd been here before," Cooley said. "It was my first game at the senior level, but it wasn't my first cap and it wasn't my first pressure game." Cooley's performance left Wilson a difficult decision when Sandt returns, but Wilson said he would talk things over with the goalkeepers.

"This is the first World Cup we've played without Troy [Perkins, the longtime starter], so I had to play things a little bit by ear," Wilson said of his decision to start Sandt during World Cup qualifying. "This gives a coach a pleasant problem, and one I wasn't expecting to have. We've got two great goalkeepers here."

The team may soon have three. Goalkeeper Mark Tanner, who was out with an injury, is nearly ready to return to the team and may be activated to serve as the third string 'keeper.

"If we activate him, it won't leave us in a bind if one goes and the other gets hurt," Wilson said. "We may even be able to bring Troy back in a pinch."

Jeruselem Government News

We'll be back ...

OK, it's not good news. In fact, really bad news. In fact, if don't want to hear it, please don't read on.

Jeruselem lost the 2nd playoff game to Commerce Heights 2-1 and hence are out of the World Cup XXI. CH deserved their win and to progress to the Group stage. It's a sad day, but Jeruselem have never like playoffs and Jeruselem FA have never encouraged the idea in domestic competitions either.

Our friends Melmond crashed out with a 2-3 loss to Krytenia. It was a good game and Krytenia have stepped up to show it can compete with the best.

Audioslavia beat Iansisle 1-0 and their place in the group stage was never in doubt. We really feel for Iansisle as they met the #1 seed in a playoff and were simply outclassed.

Sarzonia sealed it's World Cup spot with 1-0 win over Wella and they also were never in doubt after the 1st game.

South Osettia had some joy with 2-1 win to compliment their 3-0 win. Well done Osettians, we hope they can make the finals.

We were right about Oaker. Trailing 2-1 against Giant Zucchini, they won 2nd leg 3-0 and progressed. Giant Zucchinis must be suicidal at the moment.

Melmond - Krytenia 2-3; 2-3 on aggregate.
Commerce Heights - Jeruselem 2-1; 3-1 on aggregate.
Oaker - Giant Zucchini 3-0; 4-2 on aggregate.
Iansisle - Audioslavia 0-1; 0-5 on aggregate.
Wella - Sarzonia 0-1; 1-5 on aggregate.
South Osettia - Oddslavo 2-1; 5-1 on aggregate.

This is the newest commercial for Techcorp Systems, a communications company in Melmond...

Bob Fillyfoo, Melmond midfielder walking alone on the streets of Wzkknfs Hnyd

Fillyfoo: God dammit.

Now cuts to Melmond defender Notint Hecloset, walking alone the streets of Melmond City

Hecloset: Shit.

Now cuts to Melmond goalkeeper Alex McCarthy, walking alone the streets of Unne

McCarthy: Fuck.

Now cuts to Melmond captain midfielder Jake Cormier, walking alone the streets of O'Connor

Cormier: ASS! Shit! Mother! Cock!

Some people on the street start looking at him strangely for his outburst

Now cuts to Melmond manager David Bixler waiting in line

Bixler: Fuck! Fucky Fuck Fuck!

The camera pans out to reveal that he is in the unemployment line

Voice Over: Techcorp Systems, when you really want to express yourself. Another helpful GloboChem of Melmond company.

[Pit-Pat floats across the screen]

Pit-Pat: Take it from me, I love you!

The groups for World Cup 21:

Group A
Vilita (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8233989&postcount=2)
EL CID THE HERO (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8258025&postcount=37)
Druida (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8256345&postcount=32)
Spurland (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8240662&postcount=20)

Group B
Squornshelous (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8238741&postcount=13)
Svecia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8249822&postcount=28)
Commerce Heights
Kylaai (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8260808&postcount=40)

Group C
Eauz
Crystilakere (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8289250&postcount=47)
Krytenia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8245645&postcount=25)
Liverpool England (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8236857&postcount=11)

Group D
Bedistan (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8245501&postcount=24)
Dance 2 Revolution (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8288738&postcount=46)
Cockbill Street (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=293066&page=76&pp=30)
Fmjphoenix (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8233999&postcount=4)

Group E
Total n Utter Insanity
Starblaydia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8234099&postcount=7)
Lovisa (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8269413&postcount=41)
South Osettia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8239477&postcount=18)

Group F
Rejistania (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8248709&postcount=27)
The Lowland Clans
Sarzonia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8251913&postcount=30)
Nonesuch Street (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8257100&postcount=36)

Group G
Turori (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8233996&postcount=3)
One Red Dot
The Eagles Nest
Tadjikistan (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8242208&postcount=22)

Group H
Audioslavia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8244935&postcount=23)
Lethislavania (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8234157&postcount=8)
Nova Britannicus (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8256921&postcount=35)
Oaker

Stars draw mostly familiar foes

It wasn't Kaze Progressa and Melmond like in the previous World Cup finals, but the opponents are as familiar, if not moreso for the Sarzonian national team as they were placed in Group F of the World Cup XXI finals.

"Well it makes our scouting reports a little easier," Coach Dave Wilson joked. "We've played The Lowland Clans four times in recent World Cup qualifying efforts, including twice in this World Cup qualifier, so we know there's going to be a lot of familiarity there on both sides.

"We've faced Rejistania twice during World Cup XVIII qualifying and our Under 21s have faced theirs many times over the years," Wilson added. "The Juniors have developed a little bit of a rivalry with the Orange-Blues, so that might be interesting.

"The only team we haven't faced in this group is Nonesuch Street, but our lads probably have bad memories of Cockbill Street and they made a surprise run through Group 6 to earn an automatic bid. It's a shame that Melmond got put out of the Cup, but that can happen in football."

The Stars aren't talking for the record about their plans against any of their opponents, but sources close to the team suggest that they'll play "judicious" attacking football against Rejistania.

"We've faced System Karela before, both in the senior game and at the Under 21s," one player who asked not to be identified said. "We haven't done too well against it when we've played defence-oriented football at the Under 21s, but perhaps we can do a little better using a bit more of an attacking scheme. But we can't afford to be reckless out there or they'll put goals past us."

The team isn't going to do anything fancy against The Lowland Clans with a win and a draw versus the Clans in Group 2. Wilson said the team is going to try to "stick to the game plan," against The Lowland Clans.

"When you're close enough in ranking to a particular team, changing your style too dramatically isn't to your benefit," he said. "We'll have our work cut out for us most certainly, but we have as much of a chance of winning this match as anyone."

The team said it would spend "all day" looking at film of Nonesuch Street, as Wilson warned the team not to take them lightly.

"You know what can happen when we take a match for granted," Wilson said.

The schedule for the group stages will be as follows:

1 v 3
2 v 4

1 v 2
3 v 4

1 v 4
3 v 2

The matches in Cockbill Street will be played at the following stadiums:

Matchday 1:

Vilita v Druida - Vimesbairn Cricket Ground
EL CID THE HERO v Spurland - Roegrow Grass Patch

Squornshelous v Commerce Heights - Thatcher Road
Svecia v Kylaai - Northset County Cricket Ground

Eauz v Krytenia - Jotneheim Park
Crystilakere v Liverpool England - Harewood Ground

Bedistan v Cockbill Street - Vimesbairn National Stadium
Dance 2 Revolution v Fmjphoenix - K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh

Matchday 2:

Vilita v EL CID THE HERO - Jotneheim Park
Druida v Spurland - Northset County Cricket Ground

Squornshelous v Svecia - Harewood Ground
Commerce Heights v Kylaai - Roegrow Grass Patch

Eauz v Crystilakere - K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh
Krytenia v Liverpool England - Thatcher Road

Bedistan v Dance 2 Revolution - Vimesbairn Cricket Ground
Cockbill Street v Fmjphoenix - Vimesbairn National Stadium

Matchday 3:

Vilita v Spurland - K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh
EL CID THE HERO v Druida - Harewood Ground

Squornshelous v Kylaai - Roegrow Grass Patch
Svecia v Commerce Heights - Thatcher Road

Eauz v Liverpool England - Vimesbairn Cricket Ground
Crystilakere v Krytenia - Jotneheim Park

Bedistan v Fmjphoenix - K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh
Dance 2 Revolution v Cockbill Street - Vimesbairn National Stadium

More information about the stadiums can be found here (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8041906&postcount=4)

Vikings prepare for whats after qualification

Whether you love them or hate them, the Vikings have finally pulled through and made it to the next round. They are looking at a monster of a task though, as all the teams in the group are much more expierenced. But that does not phase the team, as they are already showing character by being prepared for what comes up.

Bedistan
Dance 2 Revolution
Cockbill Street
Fmjphoenix

You see it right. These are the teams that the Vikings have to go through to keep the magic going. The one plus is that they have already played against Bedistan, with a 2-1 victory and a 1-0 defeat to date against them. Dance 2 Revoultion and Cockbill Street are the teams that they have not played at all. It looks like a daunting task, but one that they are happily ready to face. Matchday one is against the Revoultionaries at K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh in Cockbill Street. Match 2 is agianst the hosts at Vimesbairn National Stadium, and they will end the round against Bedistan in K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh, giving them a little feeling of a home field by playing there twice. Its not going to be easy, but if it was really easy, would it even be worth it?

Come on down to Lethislavania
Moderately Difficult Finals Draw for Starblaydia

Insanicans, Lovisans and Osettians await the Starblaydi White-shirted heros as they travel to Lethislavania to compete in their fifth-straight finals. Starblaydia have been to a Quarter-Final and a Second-Round match already in their history, though have also been dumped out at the Group Stage twice already at four attempts.

"Its a tough group, of course," Jerome Montefalcon, Starblaydia Captain and holder of fifty-seven Caps, said earlier today, "but then again we've all got there through twelve or fourteen matches of tough competition."

Montefalcon, who will win hit the landmark Sixty caps against Lovisa on Group Matchday Three, has been a staple of the Starblaydia sqaud since World Cup 18 where he was a fresh-faced understudy to both Ki-Jana Carter and even Daniel Scott. He's won his place in the heart of three World Cup teams, making the number-Four shirt his own. This is his first attempt at the Captaincy in a World Cup, having been released of the shadow of Jean-Pierre Durand, the first time he's worn a national armband since Under-21 World Cup 7. At thirty-two years of age he is fully aware this is his last shot at World Cup Glory.

"Of course, this is my last shot," he said, "I may make it to another tournament somewhere, I may not. I may fall down and break my leg getting off this podium in twenty seconds time. Who knows? I'm here to win this Cup, of course."

The former Melmondian Premier League Midfielder of the Year went on to say that although they did not fear anyone in the Group, every team would be accorded the respect they deserve for getting this far.

The phone call came late at night. It rang five times before Tom had woken up enough to realise where he was and what was going on.

"Er...hello?"

"Tom? Is that you?" It was Sam Wanabaker, SOFA Chief.

"Yeah."

"You sound rough - I thought you were meant to be on a break." Tom looked across at the sleeping form of Nadine beside him.

"Well...one thing led to another and - is that cheering I hear in the background?"

"I'm at the Ts'khinvali Stadium. The match against Oddslavo has just finished."

"You mean?"

"We won 2-1 on the night, 5-1 on aggregate. We're in the finals, Tom!"

"Holy crap!"

"The team just got on the plane to Lethislavania. We got drawn with TnUI, Starblaydia and Lovisa! You know what this means, Tom?"

"What?"

"One win and we shoot up the rankings! This could be the start of a bright, bright future for all of us."

"Great."

"You've gotta haul your arses back down here. Sorry Tom, break's over." Wanabaker hang up, and as Tom replaced the receiver, he shook Nadine until she woke.

"Honey...I'm afraid I've gotta go."

"What!?!" She sat up, throwing off the covers and revealing her chest as she did so. Tom found it hard not to shift his gaze.

"Something's come up. We've gotta get back to the East Island."

"Can't you call it off?"

"'Fraid not."

"Then I'm coming with you." Nadine started to get dressed, but Tom held her.

"You can't come with us, Nadine. It just wouldn't be right."

"But there's so much I want to know about you...so much I want to share."

"Me too, but this is really important. My country needs me."

"I don't even know what you do," she shouted as Tom went to leave the room. He turned slowly.

"My name is Tom Patterson, and I am the South Osettia national football team's Negotiations Officer. My country needs me." And with that, he left.

The Daily Druid

RAINBOWS GOING OUT
By President Margaret Smith

Hello everyone, it's your guest reporter for World Cup 21 here, telling you all you need to know about the Druida team. Well, all that my helper and I know anyway. Apparently, Druida are going to be in Group A, which must be good, as A is the first letter. Druida will play Vilita, Spurland and El Cid The Hero, which my helper keeps shouting at me. I don't really understand that.

Anyway, something I do know is that Vilita won last time, because I was there, as were all the people from Vilita. Scary, huh? So we don't hold much hope there. Then we play Spurland, who my helper says aren't really all that good, so we could beat them. Then there's El Cid The Hero team, who my helper says we have an awful record against, so we'll lose that one and go out of the cup.

Apparently, we have two young strikers in our team that I can't spell the names of, even if my helper helps me. Defindefydwich and Motorneggio or something like that. Apparently, they're really good, but I've never seen them play. Anyway, good look to them.

Spurland Qualify For First Ever WC
In Group A

After a surprise win against Spaam, the Spurs now find themselves in Group A of the World Cup along with Vilita, EL CID THE HERO, and Druida. This would be Spurlands first ever appearance in a World Cup. They are the bottom ranked team in the group, and will have nothing to loose.

”If we get a single point at the world cup, I would be happy,” commented the Spurland manager as the team landed in Cockbill Street, “I still cant believe we actually made it here, and beating Dance 2 Revolution, Spaam and Krytenia in the qualifying stage, that’s just crazy.”

Spurlands first taste of the World cup is against EL CID THE HERO at the Roegrow Grass Patch.

Fixtures/Results:
Spurland v EL CID THE HERO @ Roegrow Grass Patch
Spurland v Druida @ Northset County Cricket Ground
Spurland v Vilita @ K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh

the following actions happened between the hours of 8pm and 9pm.

Doomhammer is at his desk reading a paper. S.Sam walks in with a TV guide

SS: Sir the draw for the WC is being announced on TV.

DH: Well turn it on then.

S.sam walks to the TV set and turns it on. The reception slowly builds up into a clear picture of the news.

News reporter: ... and that was the end of the matter. Now sports news. The World Cup in Cockbill Street and Lethislavania held it's draw today. The lions have up in group A and are the second Ranked team in the group.

Vilita is the top seed and is a firm favourite to qualify.
Druida is the previous hosts of the composition and a team the lions defeated in the WC20.
Spurland is just happy to be hear and is a rank outsider in the group. it is Spurland that the lions must face first. elsewhere in group B...

DH: turn it off.

SS: So what do you think? Good group? Bad group?

DH: I think... that i need a drink and that’s that end of that.

The stadiums for the Lethislavanian matches have been revealed:

Matchday 1:

Group E:

Total n Utter Insanity v Lovisa - Leninstan Minor
Starblaydia v South Osettia - Leninstan Major Arena 1

Group F:

Rejistania v Sarzonia - Lenistan Major Arena 2
The Lowland Clans v Nonesuch Street - Tarrevultis Stadium

Group G:

Turori v The Eagle's Nest - Leninstan Minor
One Red Dot v Tadjikistan - Tarrevultis Stadium

Group H:

Audioslavia v Nova Britannicus - Leninstan Major Arena 2
Lethislavania v Oaker - Leninstan Major Arena 1

Matchday 2:

Group E:

Total n Utter Insanity v Starblaydia - Leninstan Major Arena 2
Lovisa v South Osettia - Leninstan Minor

Group F:

Rejistania v The Lowland Clans - Tarrevultis Stadium
Sarzonia v Nonesuch Street - Leninstan Major Arena 1

Group G:

Turori v One Red Dot - Leninstan Major Arena 2
The Eagle's Nest v Tadjikistan - Leninstan Minor

Group H:

Audioslavia v Lethislavania - Leninstan Major Arena 1
Nova Britannicus v Oaker - Tarrevultis Stadium

Matchday 3:

Group E:

Total n Utter Insanity v South Osettia - Tarrevultis Stadium
Lovisa v Starblaydia - Leninstan Minor

Group F:

Rejistania v Nonesuch Street - Leninstan Major Arena 1
Sarzonia v The Lowland Clans - Leninstan Major Arena 2

Group G:

Turori v Tadjikistan - Tarrevultis Stadium
The Eagle's Nest v One Red Dot - Leninstan Minor

Group H:

Audioslavia v Oaker - Leninstan Major Arena 2
Nova Britannicus v Lethislavania - Leninstan Major Arena 1

More details about Lethislavanian stadiums (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8068790&postcount=6)

H is for Hope

Hope is a small word, but it is pretty much all the 'slaves have got going into this world cup.

We hope that the 'slaves can start making performances of the like that swept aside Iansisle in the playoffs.

We hope that the glitches in qualifying, the big defeats and the shocking performances, won't be echoed in the first round, especially with the 'slaves playing their old conquerers Nova Britannicus

We hope that the 'slaves can live up to their unofficial ranking as the second best team in the world.

The more optomistic of us could even hope that we get to the final again.

But most of all we hope that the current puritan uprising in Audioslavia won't affect the football team. Their form in this world cup, or the presence in future ones.

The splinter group of a splinter group, the PVF's hardline puritanism threatens to do away with football, or any sport, in this country. Lets hope the government can stop being so apathetic and force them down when they make their statement in parliament next week.

But anyway. Onto the football. And onto the opponents:

Lethisvania - 28th
Lethisvania have come on leaps and bounds since getting a measly eight points in World Cup 19(?). 28th in the world after twelve years, Lethis will definatly pressure Nova Britannicus for the top spot in the group.

Nova Britannicus - 21
Nova took four points off of Audioslavia in qualifying, including a 3-1 win on Audioslavian turf. The 'slaves only win against NB came in the second round of World Cup 19, and even then they needed a penalty shoot-out. Form-wise, Nova Britannicus have to be the favourites for the group, but they'll need to bring their 'A' game to do it.

Oaker - 45
The underdogs in this group beat a ressurgent Giant Zucchini team in the playoffs, but that remains their only real feat in qualifying. They came through in group ten mainly due to Vilita's dominance over the pack, Big Pimento's disqualification, and the lack of experience of two extremely promising new nations, Liamist States and Gaian Ascendency. Although Oaker can never be written off, and are more than capable of beating the above teams, one gets the feeling they simply wont.

So what of Audioslavia's chances? Well it depends which Audioslavia plays. The Audioslavia that got to two successive finals would beat all-comers, but the Audioslavia that got took two home-defeats and a 3-0 loss to a newb nation this qualifying will struggle. Its extremely difficult to tell. Will Ally Marriot and co perform? Will they rise to the big occasion? Or will they lose the confidence they garnered from the Iansisle victories and be evicted with their heads bowed in shame.

In what could possibly be Audioslavia's last ever world cup, its up to this squad of untried, untested hopefuls to give the side a dignified exit.

G'nite bitches.

ST: Hejida listeners, this is Radio RejisCAST and you are listening to "live from the leagues". Before we go live to the Estadije Karela Lines where the Karelians held Kali Xentira to a nil all in the first half. But before, we have important information for you: We have the group the Orange-Blues are in in the World Cup: Nonesuch Street, The Lowland Clans, Sarzonia and our rejistanian Orange-Blues. Elin Ri, what do you think about it?

ER: Nonesuch... I erxpect them to go to the group stage scoreless. They are still coached by the true Karelian: Kansu Lyku.

ST: I thought he coaches the Streeters.

ER: I just said that.

ST: The Streeters from Cockbill, I mean.

ER: I always thought that was another Kansu Lyku.

ST: Seeing that there are as many Kansu Lyku's as Alan Belmores... quite likely.

ER: The Lowland Clans, I can not really judge them... they are not as good as they were in World Cup 12.

ST: Indeed... but the Orange-Blues are not too. think of the 0:0 against Totally Useless Liars!

ER: Both sides deny it ever happened!

ST: Still, things changed since WC12 when the Orange-Blues were 'the newbies'... and not for better.

ER: depends... i do think the WC18 side was better than the WC9 side.

ST: slightly, yeah.

ER: Well, I will not make predictions about this group simply because nothing is as simple as it was in WC18. I only say that this group will be tough.

ST: indeed

ER: Oh my god! Karela Lines just took the lead in the 46th minute. The Yellows' attacked when the match started.

TEN in Group G

Turori
One Red Dot
The Eagles Nest
Tadjikistan

Previous matches with Groupmates


Turori:
WCXVII: WC Group 3: Loss 0-1

One Red Dot:
WCXIX: Group 5: Loss 1-2
WCXIX: Group 5: Loss 0-1


Tadjikistan:
WCXV: Round of 16: Win 2-0
WCXVI: Group 15: Win 3-0
WCXVI: Group 15: Tie 1-1


We'll be third.

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png
football

bedistan playing in the street

VIMESBAIRN, Cockbill Street -- Well, Bedistan is now 16-for-17 in terms of qualifying attempts for the World Cup. The twenty-first one is being held in Lethislavania and now Bedistani neighbors Cockbill Street. While the evacuation to Atlantian Oceania is still in progress, the Bedistan Football Association says that everyone on the national team is present and accounted for, and there will be no hangups in World Cup participation.

Bedistan has been drawn into Group D, featuring Dance 2 Revolution, Fmjphoenix, and the aforementioned host nation, Cockbill Street. Reports are that BFA president Sam Bacon and national team coach Mike Davidson are "cautiously confident" about their expected performance.

More information will come as soon as all our communications are functioning properly again.

nextmatch
We'll be kicking it off in style, taking on the Street at their home ground, Vimesbairn National Stadium. This is expected to be one of the most exciting matches in the group. Some tickets are still available through TicketWizard, and there are still plenty of open seats for the D2R and Fmjphoenix matches.

here come the lions!

SSS* REPULSE, Atlantic Ocean -- Though most of the voting body of the Bedistan Football Association has not yet made landfall, they still were able to continue their duties. A motion introduced by senior member Tom Powell requesting that the Bedistan national football team's nickname be changed back to the Lions, as it was before WC20, passed overwhelmingly by a vote of 73-8 (19 not present). Therefore, the Green-Blues are no more, and the Lions are back, much to the delight of most fans.

* I really don't know what the appropriate acronym for a Starblaydi aircraft carrier would be, so I'm just guessing.

I'm rather new here, and i noticed this competition thing. I like these kinda things and i wanted to know how I could get involved. Can anyone tell me?

I'm rather new here, and i noticed this competition thing. I like these kinda things and i wanted to know how I could get involved. Can anyone tell me?

World Cup *22* Sign-Up Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=397889)

Haperd finished a very dissapointing World Cup in 5th place. Going into this cup we thought that Haperd finally had a chance at making the World Cup if we could just finish in the top 3. But Haperd finished closer to last than they did to first with 4 wins, 2 draws and 6 losses. Haperd could not even average one goal per game, scoring just 10 times in the 12 matches.

Haperd will play on and hopefully make it into the Cup Of Harmony once again where they will try and win some games and earn some ranking.

Kylie Rule scored seven goals out of the ten altogether and if he played for another team it might have made a difference. We were hoping to at least beat Oceaice to finish in 4th place at the end, but we only played the best team Nova Britannicus. It was actually a very good match for Haperd, tying the Nova Britannicus 1-1, but Oceaice won very high over Sonaron and we could not beat them in the final standing.


Group 4 P W D L GF-GAPts
Nova Britannicus 12 6 5 1 19-6 23
Kylaai 12 6 5 1 21-10 23
Audioslavia 12 6 3 3 19-14 21
Oceaice 12 5 0 7 18-19 15
Haperd 12 4 2 6 10-14 14
Sonaron 12 4 0 8 9-22 12
Funny Looking Islands 12 3 1 8 6-17 10

Dance 2 Revolution football coverage at all time low

New hit show takes D2R and Kaze Progressa by storm

Dance 2 Revolution's new hit show 'Exam's Live' has swooped the nation. The new hit show, where cameras are placed in the halls of children taking exams, has sweeped the nation, and has also sweeped over the war-stricken Kaze Progressa. However the show has failed to start up in many nations.

The show took up all allocations that were used for Football coverage so D2R have been completely oblivious to the fact that D2R were in WC21. Until today, at the end of 'Exams ReLived', The news showed the final tables. D2R citizens were shocked to find that D2R had finished at the top, and results had included a 5-0 trashing of 2nd placed Spurland.

A World Cup 21 Preview
C’mon! Audioslavia Has To Win This Thing Eventually!

This is a sad time for the sport of football in Melmond with our beloved Fearless Farmers missing the World Cup for the first time since World Cup 16. Some fans thought that we shouldn’t even do our World Cup preview. However, we do have a job to do. This World Cup may have some interests to Melmondian eyes as the Fearless Farmers are in search for a new manager, who could be someone who is an assistant manager or coach for another national team. Anyway, here is our oh so sad preview.

Cockbill Street

Group A

This Vilita side really hasn’t seemed to be as impressive as prior Vilitan sides. The sudden drop in talent and intensity is rather surprising since they are the defending World Cup champions. Either way, they should still win this group.

Is this the tournament where EL CID THE HERO will finally break through group play and make it to the knockout stages? We think so, as this side has a combination of urgency and skill which can finally get this side over that hurdle.

Druida has looked to be a very solid side recently. However, I feel that they a bit too consistent at the level they have been playing at and solid will not be good enough in this group.

Spurland finally pulled up their bootstraps and cowboyed into the World Cup final. However, despite the amount of fight in this side, they just seem to be over their head.

Prediction
1. Vilita
2. EL CID THE HERO
3. Druida
4. Spurland

Group B

Squornshelous once again fields a very strong and consistent side. Many of their opponents in this group match them in talent and intensity, but no one else has the combination of the two.

Svecia once again coasts through qualifying to make the World Cup again. This side is known for stepping it up a notch when they get to the final. They will once again make it to the knockout stages, but won’t go very far.

Commerce Heights shortchanged a very unlucky and deserving side in Jeruselem in the playoff to qualify for the World Cup. The former World Cup champions are still shadows of their former selves and their experience alone will barely keep them out of the cellar in this group.

Two-time Cup of Harmony winners Kylaai has finally made their first ever World Cup. However, like Spurland, this is another boisterous side who will realize that there plate is a bit too full for them this time around.

Prediction
1. Squornshelous
2. Svecia
3. Commerce Heights
4. Kylaai

Group C

Eauz is once again slowly climbing upwards back to the upper echelons of the World Cup. Les Bleus should have no problem with this group.

As correctly predicted by many Melmondian football pundits, Crystilakere is this generation’s Dennisov, a team which somehow rallied itself to a World Cup victory and will forever manage to do nothing afterwards.

It’s a shame that Krytenia has to knockoff our Fearless Farmers only to finish last in this group. What a waste…

Liverpool England should be able to terminate the overrated Atlantian Oceanian teams and could give Eauz a run for their communist credits if they play an especially inspired match.

Prediction
1. Eauz
2. Liverpool England
3. Crystilakere
4. Krytenia

Group D

Bedistan is another long time footballing power who is regaining their form. Barring any flukes or bad luck, they should march their way to the top of this group.

Dance 2 Revolution has been one of the luckiest sides in NationStates footballing history. The luck eventually will have to run out for the Revolutionaires, and it will against inspired sides such as Bedistan and Cockbill Street.

As for the Streeters of Cockbill Street, we are still awaiting their emergence to becoming one of the top powers of the footballing world, but they always seem to stumble somewhere early. This will be their best chance to show what they are made of, in front of their home nation.

The Vikings of Fmjphoenix have finally made their first World Cup. If the other nations aren’t careful, this side could pull off a couple upsets. They should take on Dance 2 Revolution well but Bedistan and Cockbill Street will be difficult matches for them.

Prediction
1. Bedistan
2. Cockbill Street
3. Fmjphoenix
4. Dance 2 Revolution

Lethislavania

Group E

The Melmondian football pundits have a bad habit of selling Total n Utter Insanity short in their predictions in the group stage. We won’t make that same mistake again. They will win this group, but lose in the first round of the knockout stages.

Ever since their brutal Take That and Robbie Williams inspired attack from their fans upon the Fearless Farmers, Starblaydia seems to be in cruise control. They will have to pick up their urgency in order to have the opportunity to sing “We Are The Champions,” the one with Robbie Williams and Queen of course.

Inexplicably, Lovisa finds themselves in the World Cup finals again despite more deserving sides such as Melmond, Iansisle, and Jeruselem going to the Cup of Harmony. The strong qualifiers will find themselves dead last in this rather tough group.

If you don’t have a team to root for in the World Cup, consider this one. South Osettia rose from the ashes from the sad demise from Maserrat to becoming one of the most exciting and hopeful sides and countries in footballing today. The Insancians and Starblaydis will probably prove to be too much for them, but don’t count this side out whatsoever.

Prediction
1. Total n Utter Insanity
2. Starblaydia
3. South Osettia
4. Lovisa

Group F

Rejistania, the most prestigious side in NationStates footballing history, is also slowly coming back to tip-top form. They are well above the rest of this group and should run away with it.

The Lowland Clans were more solid in qualifying than usual despite not fielding one of their stronger sides in their history. It will be a battle between them and Nonesuch Street to stay out of last place.

Another nation you should root for if yours isn’t in the World Cup is Sarzonia. The hard working Stars may finally have the situation in which they can finally make their mark on the footballing scene, namely because there is no Melmond in their group stopping them from going to the knockout rounds.

Nonesuch Street…God dammit….shit…fuck…@$#!!!!..oh sorry…just some frustration…they will finish in third place.

Prediction
1. Rejistania
2. Sarzonia
3. Nonesuch Street
4. The Lowland Clans

Group G

Turori should certainly lead this very weak group considering this is the World Cup proper. However, the Eels certainly don’t seem as strong as they have been in the past.

One Red Dot seems to be another one of those sides which seem to be stuck between the top echelon and mediocrity, and they will probably staying there.

Despite soaring high with ease during qualifying, The Eagles Nest will be shot down and plummet to the cellar of this group.

With One Red Dot and The Eagles Nest expected to underperform, Tadjikistan is expected to advance by proxy with their unspectacular, yet solid play.

Prediction
1. Turori
2. Tadjikistan
3. One Red Dot
4. The Eagles Nest

Group H

Audioslavia, a nation who has cried more tears during World Cup final heartbreaks than your average crybaby Eauzian reading stories about workers who are too stupid enough to organize against an oppressive employer, will have more pressure to work upon as once again, we are picking them to win their first ever World Cup despite the qualifying woes. Don’t blow it!

Speaking of fervent commies, Lethislavania is in their second World Cup and will need the boost of playing in front of their home nation to advance into the next round.

Oddly enough, Nova Brittanicus has looked more impressive than their Starblaydi masters at times, however playing against two inspired side such as Audioslavia and Lethislavania, the Nova Brittanicans will find themselves the odd man out.

Oaker...ASS! Shit! Mother! Cock! Fuck! Fucky fuck fuck! @#$%^! I apologize again, frustration from covering the last team in the World Cup without Melmond and bad Oaker memories. The Sharks will be Chen Kinichi-ed in this group. Shark fin soup anyone?

Prediction
1. Audioslavia
2. Lethislavania
3. Nova Brittanicus
4. Oaker

Round of 16
Vilita over Svecia
Squornshelous over EL CID THE HERO
Cockbill Street over Eauz
Bedistan over Liverpool England
Sarzonia over Total n Utter Insanity
Rejistania over Starblaydia
Lethislavania over Turori
Audioslavia over Tadjikistan

Quarterfinals
Cockbill Street over Vilita
Squornshelous over Bedistan
Sarzonia over Lethislavania
Audioslavia over Rejistania

Semifinals
Squornshelous over Cockbill Street
Audioslavia over Sarzonia

Finals
Audioslavia over Squornshelous

Hmmm....

WANTED!
A New Manager For Our National Team

The Melmond Football Association is looking for a new manager for our National Team after a majorly disappointing performance in the qualifying rounds. Must have a good reputation for fielding teams with a strong attacking capability as we have been burned by our physical and defensive style in these high goal tiebreakers. Also, a reputation for good luck is desired. No Margaret worshippers or voodoo dice abusers please. Melmondians and foreigners are welcome to apply. We will interview six candidates, two Melmondians, two scouted foreigners, and two applicants. Please send resumes to the MFA (tg me).

Matchday 1 of the finals will be in your TG boxes shortly, and up on the forums in 24 hours.

'Guylain Out!'
Manager Blamed for Opening Loss

There's something to be said for a 'we have what we hold' approach. When you're One-Nil up with around fifteen minutes to go, Managers like Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu like to sacrifice the more forward-mided players and substitute them for various flavours of defender. Which, according to Starblaydia's latest victorious, title-winning Manager, is a bad thing.

"Putting on defenders just invites pressure," Simeone Di Bradini, fresh from his glory at the Four Nations Invitational, said earlier today, "when you're One-Up and just about out-playing the opposition, why suddenly change your entire stance on the game?"

This was exactly what Guylain did, by brining on Caltabiano, Watt and Rabalais for Delgado, Lyku-Agbayani and Madray. Now, there's nothing wrong with the three players Guylain brought on, but only Calatbaiano has found the net in an international match before, and that was against Hiiraan, for crying out loud!

With most of Starblaydia's players reverting to type and staying back in their own half, South Osettia were allowed more time on the ball, more possession and more chances. Though Nick Matranga thought that he'd given Starblaydia a One-Nil victory early in the second-half, Starblaydia's northern island neighbours drew level and then took the lead with goals from Frederic Eastlund and Winfred Corbisiero.

Nova Fear, Cesare's Here!
Party Atmosphere as 'Slaves Perform

The streets of Cornellby were alive with the sound of Jamtallica's version of 'Go Slar-Vya' tonight as the 'slaves broke an impressive Nova Britannicus side 2-0.

After being thumped 3-1 at home by the Britannicans and experiencing some shocking form in qualifying, many were sceptical about Audioslavia's chances against the blues, but a goal from Taurxa Jeroen and a magnificent thirty yard drive from Pierre Cesare either side of half time gave the match to the thrice-losers.

Lineups
Audioslavia Nova Britannicus
Celta 22 : 1 Cavaletti
Johnstone(c)5 : 5 Ximbod
Ceulemans 6 : 6 Johnson
Colgan 2 : 2 Monterrey
Carel 3 : 3 Gooner
Battle 20 : 4 Powers (c)
Jeroen 19 : 8 Cochran
Marriot 10 : 7 Lamphear
Jansen 11 : 11 La Salle
Cesare 17 : 9 Jones
McLlroy 9 : 10 Pompey

Nova Britannicus started the brighter of the two teams, keeping posession but unable to find a way through the Audioslavian backline. It seemed the 'slaves were playing on the counter-attack like the 'slavian teams of old. Its not too easy to say whether Nova Britannicus knew this or not, but they seemed to be a little cautious and edgy in attack, leaving the full backs on the half-way line rather than having them support La Salle and Pompey.

Audioslavia did break away a few times, but on each occasion Nova were more than ready to break down the offensive.

As the half went on the 'slaves brought themselves back into the game, passing out of defence rather than hitting long inaccurate clearances for the strikers to chase. Marriot was finding his old form again in the centre, linking the three midfielders to the two strikers and setting himself up for two opportunities near the end of the half. The first shot was a harmless long-range effort which Cavaletti saw wide, but the second brought about the first Audioslavian goal. Marriot's one-two with Cesare had put him through, but slightly wide, behind the NB defence. Without looking up he swung a left-foot at the ball and sent it to Cavaletti's left, but the goalkeeper acted swiftly and got a fingertip to the ball, palming it away along the six-yard line. Unfortunately for him and the Nova team, Ximbod miskicked the clearance as he came haring back and gave the ball straight to Jeroen on the corner of the eighteen yard box. Jeroen dinked the ball into the open goal first-time, and the 'slaves were off to a good, if fortunate, start.

If that was slightly lucky, then there was nothing lucky about the 'slaves second goal - the goal that pretty much killed off the Nova Britannicus fight. Pierre Cesare picked the ball up from a long pass from Ceulemans. In a heart-beat he controlled it, sold Powers a dummy and turned towards goal. From fully thirty yards out he then proceeded to give the football and almighty thwack, going over Caveletti's stretched body and dipping into the top of the goal. The fantastic strike ended the best spell of play the 'slaves had played for years. For ten minutes since the interval they had passed and played the ball like the Brazillican sides of old, stroking it around the field (ooer) with a real confidence not seen in recent first-elevens.

2-0 up with half-an hour to go, the 'slaves dropped back to defend the lead. Jackie McLlroy gave way to Brogan Cairbre as 4-4-2 became 4-5-1. Cairbre, in defencive midfield, did well in silencing Cochran, whilst Carel and Colgan did well to stifle La Salle and Pompey. With time running out Nova Britannicus simply ran out of steam, and the 'slaves defended the lead til the death.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 2 (Jeroen 41, Cesare 58)
Nova Britannicus 0

The win makes it three wins on the trot for Audioslavia. It doesn't sound like much, but its such a relief after the dismal performances of the past two and a half years. Next up the 'slaves play the hosts Lethisvania in what is basically an away game. Audioslavia's away form has been questionable in recent times, and so many will be happy with a point going into the final game at Oaker. Don't expect too much from the 'slaves, but this win over Nova Britannicus can only inspire confidence.

G'nite bitches.

Communist Ketchup Times
-Now just as good as Melmond's Ketchup Times, but the Ketchup is Shared!

Group A
Vilita
EL CID THE HERO
Druida
Spurland

Vilita is the reigning champs of the cup, and will be looking to hold on for a second straight win. They PwnD their qualifying group, going 9 – 1 – 1 with a GD of 18. Despite this wonderful performance though, it appears that the curse of Margaret might be getting to them.

EL CID THE HERO might be their own hero, as they seem to have gotten a fairly easy group in the draw. As long as they can continue their great run, they can probably find themselves into the second round.

Druida have not ended the pace of their team, as they seem to be playing fairly well. Nothing amazing though coming out of this team. They will have to hope that their offence continues to go on all cylinders, otherwise, say bye bye…

Spurland is way over their head right now, and probably just happy to be in the cup. Enjoy the party, because it will be short…

Predictions
1. Vilita
2. Druida
3. EL CID THE HERO
4. Spurland

Group B
Squornshelous
Svecia
Commerce Heights
Kylaai

Speaking of going on all cylinders, Squornshelous has been on fire, as they only gave up 6 goals during the qualifying round. Look for them to cut through this group like a knife through butter.

Svecia seems to be a team, that no matter what goes on, they are at the World Cup. They must have bought tickets in advance and then beg the host to let them in. Nonetheless, if they are to compete, it will be shadowed by the play of Squornshelous.

Those evil capitalizts from Commerce Heights don’t seem to be spending the money on football as they used to. They just slid in to the Cup during a 2 game playoff. Just as any good capitalizt knows, you shouldn’t invest in products you know won’t sell.

Kylaai surprised many during the qualifying round, as they placed 2nd. One has to remember though, that they were put in a easy group, aside from Audioslavia. A good showing, could put them through to the next round of play.

Predictions
1. Squornshelous
2. Svecia
3. Kylaai
4. Commerce Heights

Group C
Eauz
Liverpool England
Crystilakere
Krytenia

Those Crazy Commies from Eauz, have no real clue what is going on with their state of football. Just a few days ago, an official said they would not be participating as much in the Cups. Some have said they are protesting the way the WC is being run, others say the commies are just complaining as usual.

Liverpool England had a poor showing during the qualifying round, but still were able to come 2nd place in a weak group. There offence really didn’t seem to be alive, as they had a ratio of about 2:1 in relation to goals for and against. Don’t look for much here though…

CrystilakereWow, Just Wow, this team has been playing well the last few World Cups, and they showed how good they were, as they recorded 10 victories, and only 2 loses. They will be the expected team to take the head of this group.

After having a lot of contact between Eauz & Krytenia, it appears, Eauz has lost it all with this team. Krytenia had to play in the playoff, and just barely managed to get by the Evil Capitalizts from Melmond. Don’t expect much from this team, though, they will probably be a spoiler, when it comes to those fighting for the top.

Predictions
1. Crystilakere
2. Eauz
3. Liverpool England
4. Krytenia

Group D
Bedistan
Cockbill Street
Fmjphoenix
Dance 2 Revolution

Bedistan’s team has been lacking the desire to continue playing. Fans are not showing up for matches. Hopefully, with the help of a WC crowd, they will probably end up top of the group.

As one of the co-hosts of the cup, Cockbill Street will be looking to play well at home, in front of their fans. They will probably, due to their home advantage play better than in the past.

Fmjphoenix are in their first ever cup, and they will also be partying in the streets. They had a fairly good showing during the qualifying round. Look for them to be spoilers during this cup.

Dance 2 Revolution Seem to have danced their luck out, as at one time, they were top of the world, and have found the curse of Margaret does exist.

Predictions
1. Bedistan
2. Cockbill Street
3. Dance 2 Revolution
4. Fmjphoenix

Group E
Total n Utter Insanity
Starblaydia
South Osettia
Lovisa

Total n Utter Insanity always seem to end up in the quarter or semi-finals, no matter what. Some predict them to lose early, but they seem to do well no matter what team they sport on the field.

Starblaydia will hope to be the Star team of this group, as they had a great qualifying run. Their offence was well complemented with their defense. If they keep this up, they could find themselves in places, they never knew they could go…

South Osettia were very lucky, and probably one of the few teams in the history of the cup, to only win 4 matches, and advance to the cup. They did this with the help of three things. Margaret, Hope & weak qualifying group. They will probably not have these 3 things in this group.

Lovisa will hope to stay afloat in this group. Maybe they can pull out their Visa and pay their way through this group?

Predictions
1. Starblaydia
2. Total n Utter Insanity
3. South Osettia
4. Lovisa

Group F
Rejistania
Sarzonia
Nonesuch Street
The Lowland Clans

Whatever those monks from Rejistania were doing, the information will have to be used later on down the road, if even Les Bleus and Rejistania meet up. Or maybe, Rejistania is selling that information to teams who are up against Eauz…? Who knows…?

Sarzonia is another nation, just like Eauz and Melmond who seem to put a lot into their team, but always seem to end up short. Such as published in Melmond WC review, those who are not in the cup, should root for this team…

Nonesuch Street have nonesuch a chance of qualifying, that is unless Cockbill Street citizens accept them also as a home team…

The Lowland Clans Were not sure what’s going on here. This team was once a competitive squad, have fallen since.

Predictions
1. Rejistania
2. Sarzonia
3. Nonesuch Street
4. The Lowland Clans

Group G
Turori
Tadjikistan
One Red Dot
The Eagles Nest

Turori are on the top of their game, and looking for more. Though, just as their counterpart, Vilita, they seem to have lost a bid of spirit, since they were in the quarter-final against Rejistania last cup.

Tadjikistan might actually have a chance for once, getting stuck in a simple group. Well it wouldn’t be simple, if teams like TEN and ORD were not showing as much spirit for the cup. They will probably end up sliding through to the next round.

One Red Dot Welcome back to the cup, Take your place where you usually are…

Word in The Eagles Nest is that they, just like Eauz officials are tired of the state of the World Cup, and have pretty much given up. Their team, baring a major surprise, will probably not participate in the next cups…
Predictions
1. Turori
2. Tadjikistan
3. One Red Dot
4. The Eagles Nest

Group H
Audioslavia
Lethislavania
Nova Brittanicus
Oaker

We’re not sure if the poor performance of Audioslavia during the Qualifying round means they have finally flopped, but word from Audioslavia, is that this is another team frustrated with the state of the cup. Frustration can lead to problems.

The other co-host is Lethislavania who will only hope that their home advantage will prevail for this cup. Not expecting much though, as they haven’t had much experience in World Cups.

Nova Brittanicus is a name known well to Eauz, as they topped a WC group, a few years ago, which was filled with the likes of Starblayida, Vilita and Eauz. Don’t count these guys out, they could provide quite the surprise.

Oaker is not well known to Eauz, but they didn’t seem to have a great qualifying round showing, going 5 – 0 – 5. Don’t expect much, as their offence and defense don’t seem to be in great shape.

Predictions
1. Audioslavia
2. Lethislavania
3. Nova Brittanicus
4. Oaker

Round of 16
Vilia over Svecia
Squornshelous over Druida
Cockbill Street over Crystilakere
Bedistan over Eauz
Starblaydia over Sarzonia
Rejistania over Total n Utter Insanity
Lethistlavania over Turori
Audioslavia over Tadjikistan

Quarterfinals
Vilita over Squornshelous
Bedistan over Cockbill Street
Rejistania over Starblaydia
Audioslavia over Lethistlavania

Semifinals
Vilia over Bedistan
Rejistania over Audioslavia

3rd place match
Bedistan over Audioslavia

Final
Rejistania over Vilita

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/kylaai.jpgThe Reformed Islands of Kylaai

Goalkeeper: Mandoo Nania
Defenders: Lital Tirar, Hito Burrito, Vito Frito, Max
Midfielders: Rising Sun, Macala Moria, Tennence Fleiam, Norada-Fell
Attackers: Mazu Kazu, Vlanti Vimorta

Kylaai make the World Cup for the first time!


Kylaai got the job done against Nova Britannicus by earning a draw with the group leaders to make automatically the World Cup Finals for the first time ever! Audioslavia were the number one team in the world but Kylaai were able to finish in front of them in the standings which made Audioslavia have to enter a playoff to get into the final. This is a historic day for Kylaai who will not be in the Cup of Harmony to defend their first place



Group 4 P W D L GF-GAPts
Nova Britannicus 12 6 5 1 19-6 23
Kylaai 12 6 5 1 21-10 23
Audioslavia 12 6 3 3 19-14 21
Oceaice 12 5 0 7 18-19 15
Haperd 12 4 2 6 10-14 14
Sonaron 12 4 0 8 9-22 12
Funny Looking Islands 12 3 1 8 6-17 10



For the World Cup, Kylaai have been drawn in a very tough group against 3 of the best teams in the World Cup. The first opponent for Kylaai is Squornshelous who has made the World Cup final before but we do not think they have won it. Commerce Heights is also in this group, and they have won the World Cup before so they will be very difficult. Svecia has never been in a world cup final we think but they are always a very good team and Kylaai will be happy with getting a draw with any of these very good teams in the first time in the world cup.



Kylaai would like to thank the nation team Legalese. Kylaai are no longer a nudest nation even though they used to be and now wear clothes. Legalese has given Kylaai the clothes they will be wearing for the rest of the world cup, and here is a look at them. The sample is from team captain Norada-Fell.

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-2/961520/image001.gif

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/kylaai.jpgThe Reformed Islands of Kylaai

Goalkeeper: Mandoo Nania
Defenders: Lital Tirar, Hito Burrito, Vito Frito, Max
Midfielders: Rising Sun, Macala Moria, Tennence Fleiam, Norada-Fell
Attackers: Mazu Kazu, Vlanti Vimorta

Kylaai get an amazing World Cup Victory!!


Kylaai have won in their first ever World Cup match in an amazing game where they have beaten Svecia 2-1! Mazu Kazu scored to give Kylaai the lead, but very good Svecia made it so the score was tied. It looked like the match was going to end with both teams with one goal, which would have been a great result for Kylaai, then Norada-Fell scored and it was amazing! Kylaai had won their first game in the world cup finals! Kylaai could win one more game and possibly even make it to the next round. It is not known what the score of the Squornshelous match versus Commerce Heights, but Kylaai will have to beat one of those teams if it wants to play in the next round.


Kylaai would like to thank the nation team Legalese. Kylaai are no longer a nudest nation even though they used to be and now wear clothes. Legalese has given Kylaai the clothes they will be wearing for the rest of the world cup, and here is a look at them. The sample is from team captain Norada-Fell.

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-2/961520/image001.gif[/QUOTE]

Pschychoes coast by Capitalizts

Squornshelous avenges a loss in the WC XV Final
Commerce Heights and Squornshelous are not two teams with a great rivalry featuring dozens of matches spanning the history of international football. They are rivals by circumstance, thrown together in this Group B for their second meeting ever. However, there is still plenty of animosity, at least on the Squornshelan side, as the one previous meeting was in the World Cup 15 final, where Commerce Heights won on Penalty Kicks.
This matchup, however, was no contest. Squornshelous controlled the game from the beginning on their way to a 2-0 victory, their 8th shutout of the cup. Predicted by sports pundits from Eauz and Melmond to "hit on all cylinders" and "cut through the group like a knife through butter" the Pschychoes seem well on their way to doing just that. The only major threat to their advancement hopes coming up next matchday against Svecia.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-0 Commerce Heights

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Gerrard [22]
SQ: Zikov [58]

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Gerrard: 8
Zikov: 7
Popov: 5
Arnesson: 4
Neese: 2

Group B Standings after Matchday 1:

Group B P W D L GF-GAPts
#3 Squornshelous 1 1 0 0 2-0 3
#35 Kylaai 1 1 0 0 2-1 3
#14 Svecia 1 0 0 1 1-2 0
#22 Commerce Heights 1 0 0 1 0-2 0


Squornshelous' World Cup Schedule:
wins draws losses byes

MD01: Squornshelous 2-0 Five Civilized Nations Vogsphere Arena, Squornshelous
MD02: Bryn Shander 0-1 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 2-0 Nifty nick Throckmorton Park, Squornshelous
MD04: Bye
MD05: Squornshelous 0-0 Iansisle South Bend Stadium, Squornshelous
MD06: Fmjphoenix 1-3 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 5-2 The Belmore Family Xaxis Park, Squornshelous
MD08: Five Civilized Nations 1-1 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 3-0 Bryn Shander Striterax Stadium, Squornshelous
MD10: Nifty nick 1-2 Squornshelous
MD11: Bye
MD12: Iansisle 0-2 Squornshelous
MD13: Squornshelous 1-1 Fmjphoenix SMV Center, Squornshelous
MD14: The Belmore Family 0-2 Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous 2-0 Commerce Heights Thatcher Road, Cockbill Street
MD16: Squornshelous vs Svecia Harewood Ground, Cockbill Street
MD17: Squornshelous vs Kylaai Roegrow Grass Patch, Cockbill Street


10-3-0

Stars struck down, 2-0

The first two World Cup finals opening matches for the Sarzonian national team ended with 0-0 draws that gave the Stars some slight hope for advancing past the group stage of the Finals. However, that improbable streak came to an end against the Rejistania Orange Blues, with the higher-ranked team pulling off a 2-0 win over Sarzonia.

"That was simply a case of one team being that much better than the other team," Coach Dave Wilson said. "It's not often that we get dominated like that these days, so to come in after a match in which we were thoroughly dominated by a better team is a strange feeling for me. I hope it remains strange."

The Stars' plans to attack system karela by putting pressure on the Orange-Blues backfired completely as the Orange Blues played as if they read the Stars' scouting reports. Wilson said the team would "hire a plumber" to prevent any further leaks of the team's strategy.

"I'm very upset that our plans were leaked out to the media with as much detail as was printed in the Sarzonian papers," Wilson said. "Having said that, I don't think that makes enough of a difference the way the Orange-Blues played."

Unfortunately for the Stars, the team showed its most fight -- literally -- after the match as several players got into a scuffle with the Rejistanians as the Orange Blues referred to the Sarzonian system as "system abysmali." When forward Brian Wilson yelled an insult that was as close to an unprintable epithet that refers to inappropriate sexual conduct with one's mother, "all hell broke loose," according to midfielder Darwin Russell.

"I don't think any of those guys will be on our Christmas card lists," Russell said.

[OOC: This, or any part of this, RP, is not meant as an OOC dig at either host.]

Confusion as FALE are not told of result
Crystilakere drew 2-2 in the end with the Terminators

COCKBILL STREET (LivEng Press Association) - The first World Cup 21 finals matchday took place amid confusion yesterday as apparently after the game, the organisers failed to infrom the FALE of the eventual result, a 2-2 draw against Crystilakere that put the Terminators in second place.

Normally, as in the past, the FALE were told of just about every single result immediately after a game. Gareth Dussis, FALE chief, told the press he was "surprised at the lack of good communication between the current hosts and the cup's participants. I was waiting in my office waiting for the fax or email to arrive - it never did.... I even had to call the [players'] hotel in Cockbill Street to find out the result from Syku (Lyku, Liverpool England coach)."

The Terminators, who are due to face two old on-the-pitch foes in the likes of Krytenia and Eauz, are currently second in the table behind the Crystils on alphabetical listing. Krytenia and Eauz drew 1-1.

TEAM P W D L F A GD Pts
1 CRS 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
2 LEN 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
3 EAU 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
4 KRY 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1

“This is your captain speaking. We are now approaching our destination, and so we will commence our landing procedures in a few minutes time. Please return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts, so as to ensure you safety during our descent. The weather today in Lethislavania is good, with the temperature…”

Sam Wanabaker had stopped listening long before. He had never been the biggest fan of flying, and so had been drinking the entire journey, so as to reduce the panic he felt rising within him. He was comforted by the fact that his team had done so well to get into the World Cup finals, though, and it seemed like nothing could possibly go wrong.

“Er…this is your captain speaking again. We seem to be having a few problems down on the ground. As it is we can’t land at the moment, so we’re going to take another circle of the area to pass the time. I’m sure the problem will be sorted soon, and we can get back to our prearranged flight plan. I’ll get back to you when I have some news.”

Well that was just great! It was an anti-climax to what had been a tension-building flight, and now it was going to last for at least another hour. He beckoned to the nearest air stewardess.

“Another scotch, please.”

***

“Ground control, this is two-four-oh-five. Ground control, do you copy? Over.”

“Two-four-oh-five, this is ground control. We read you loud and clear. Over.”

“We’ve got a situation up here. Over.”

“What seems to be the problem? Over.”

“One of the stewardesses has just noticed an unidentified object under one of the seats. Over.”

“…Can you repeat that? Over.”

“A stewardess has discovered an unidentified object under one of the aisle seats. It has a flashing LED and is producing a soft ticking sound. Over.”

“…”

“What course of action should I take? Over.”

“You cannot land, two-four-oh-five. I repeat, you cannot land. Over.”

“So what the hell should I do then? I’ve only got another two hours worth of fuel left?”

“Calm down, two-four-oh-five. We’ll send somebody up there to check it out. Over.”

“How long will they be? Over.”

“They’ll be with you in ten. Over.”

***

“Is there any chance that I could speak with the captain? Only I’ve got important business to attend to that concerns the sporting welfare of my country.”

“The captain is unable to speak to you personally right now. If you would like me to relay a message…”

“Just tell him that my country’s soccer team is playing right now, and that I’m supposed to be there.”

“Of course, sir.”

***

“A passenger wants to know how long we’ll be.”

“We’ll be as long as we’ll be, I’m afraid. I can’t say anymore.”

“He has urgent business to attend to. He wanted me to say that his country’s soccer team is playing right now, and that he’s supposed to be there.”

“There are more important things in life than soccer…this plane could have a bomb strapped to it and…never mind. I tell you what, I’ll radio ground control and find out what’s happening with the match. Hopefully that’ll satisfy him.”

***

The stewardess approached Sam, who was just finishing off his fifth scotch.

“The captain’s just radioed down to find out what’s happening in the match.”

“Oh yes? Anything good to tell me?”

“Well, yes, as a matter of fact. The final whistle’s just gone.”

“Really? I missed the whole thing? Damn! Well, what was the damage?”

“Er…minimal.”

“Huh?”

“The final score was Starblaydia one, South Osettia two.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“No, sir. The captain got ground control to confirm it three times. Obviously he’s a bit of a fan.”

“Of course he is. We’re the perennial underdog. Everybody likes the underdog. 2-1, huh? Sheesh, wish I’d been there.”

“Apologies for that, sir. We promise you’ll be down on the ground for the next match against Lovisa…I have to admit, I’m a bit of a fan too.”

“That’s what I like to see – a woman who follows sport. Can you update me regularly on how we’re going?”

“Of course, sir.” Sam wasn’t getting confident, but he had a funny feeling that something special could be happening. And it wasn’t just the scotch either.

Unless Ranks have changed since the ones I got from here: http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/KPB%20Rankings.xls here is the RL team comparison to this cup...

btw (CS) congrats on your own country! Better make em proud!

Group A
Vilita (Argentina)
EL CID THE HERO (Greece)
Druida (Australia)
Spurland (Cote d'Ivoire)

Group B
Squornshelous (France)
Svecia (Ireland)
Commerce Heights (Romania)
Kylaai (Costa Rica or Bulgaria)

Group C
Eauz (Portugal)
Crystilakere (Spain)
Krytenia (Ukraine or Russia)
Liverpool England (Serbia and Montenegro or Poland)

Group D
Bedistan (Mexico)
Dance 2 Revolution (Netherlands)
Cockbill Street (Norway)
Fmjphoenix (Finland)

Group E
Total n Utter Insanity (England)
Starblaydia (Germany)
Lovisa (Sweden)
South Osettia (Slovakia)

Group F
Rejistania (Brazil)
The Lowland Clans (Uruguay)
Sarzonia (Turkey)
Nonesuch Street (Senegal)

Group G
Turori (Italy)
One Red Dot (United States)
The Eagles Nest (Japan)
Tadjikistan (Serbia and Montenegro or Poland)

Group H
Audioslavia (Czech republic)
Lethislavania (Serbia and Montenegro or Poland)
Nova Britannicus (Iran)
Oaker (Israel or Ecuador)

Crystils Left in the Dark

Fans in Crystilakere awoke expecting to find the result of their important World Cup qualifying match on the front page of the paper, and others stayed up all night trying to catch the game on their satellite television, but found just a black screen and nothing to back it up. Making phone calls all night long to their providers, who were able to give nothing in return, the fans were going crazy. Whole towns woke up in the middle of the night to help try and get the game on television or radio but no one could. They began to wonder if they had even made the World Cup, so they looked in the paper, and sure enough they were listed as being in the finals. They went to the Crystilakere headquarters, and everyone was gone. No one knew what to do. No one knew the score.

Then, a breakthrough. A man on a horse riding south from the Chacor colony of Liverpool England arrived in northern Crystilakere with a piece of paper with something jotted in quick hand. It was in fact a score. The man on the horse passed out and died just after entering Crystilakere territory exhausted from the long trip from Chacor. Someone picked up the paper and it read "2-2".

ST: Hejida, this is Sirake Tekim, you are listening to Radio RejisCAST. For us in Lethislavania is Kansu Siki. Hejida Kansu!

KS: Hejida Sirake. I am here in the Lenistan Major Arena 2 and the match against the Stars will commence soon.

ST: why 'too'? Who else, you are referring to is there?

KS: No, I am referring to 'xi'.

ST: There are two stadia with that name?

KS: There are.

ST: Will become interesting... Already heard of people coming to the wrong stadium?

KS: You nearly heard about the match between Starblaydia and South Osettia... And some purple fans appear to be a bit lost between the blues and the Orange-Blues.

ST: For some reason or the other.

KS: heh. How is the Hexatux doing?

ST: I heard that the Rejistanian and the Lethislavanian coffee imports reached an all time high. So both the Hexatux and Siki Rej are doing well.

KS: I believe that you can see the consumption of Siki Rej in the statistics but of the Hexatux...

ST: The Rejis is no country of coffeeholics, that is why the caffeine rations of the Hexatux count.

KS: I thought it is due to the different timezone this matches are in that rejistanis drink a bit more coffee...

ST: Also possible. Well, tell me who playes for the Rejistanians!

KS: Jari~n Suni plays in goal, Sayiji Hija, Sasijilvenku "Sasi" Dikelesinivetisaru, Jasne Tahi and Jese Eti~l are defenders, Mijan Jasadajasa, Vikax Xeki~l, Hekit Tana and Hitu Myjutes are the midfielders, Syku Lyku and Jariakeledema Ky-Inidiviayu are the strikers.

ST: Hekit is playing?

KS: I said so, didn't I?

ST: The midfield is pretty unexperienced.

KS: yeah, that is a problem with the amount of age- related retirements. For the Stars, Horace Sandt is goalkeeper, Mike Coyle, Corey Hemby and Emacio, midfielders are Martin Overton, Darwin Russell, Henrik Bastale, Bobby Convey and John Benmont, the two strikers are Brian Wilson and Barry Alphonso.

(the match starts)
KS: The stars seem to be a bit confused with the tactics of the Orange-Blues. The Orange-Blues play not just nominally a karelian all-out-Attack.

ST: 4-4-2?

KS: Yeah. Pretty attacking!

(15th minute)
KS: That is SyDe, passing to Ky... VEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAA! Mje-ja-nil! Mje-ja-nil! Mje-ja-nil! (connection breaks down)

(38th minute)
KS: Problem solved, System work... (line noises)

ST: Problem solved?

KS: Elin Ri told me...

ST: Techs...

KS: And they earn more than you!

ST: What????

KS: Just kidding! Ve!

ST: What happened?

KS: SyDe in good position, but his shot only hit the crossbar, Hekit Tana... out of nowhere, from the reflection.... XXXXXXKKKKKKKKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
That's the 2:0!

(&5th minute)
KS: The last time was not too eventfull, partly because the Orange-Blues showed the Stars what defense means. I don't expect much action in this match now that the Orange-Blues only concnentrate on keeping the lead.

(90th+2 minute)
KS: That is the final whistle, 2:0 against the Spaamers from Sarzonia... back to... oh... I don't know what exactly happened there, I think someone said something which in majuvedian is very insulting, SyDe replied with a comment about the System Abysmali. I think this becomes another sport.

ST: then better switch back before the wrestling association wants extra fees from us!

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/ttov.gif

World Cup XXI Finals Roster


----------------------Returning for his 9th World Cup Season, Vilitan Head Coach Helmut Vilkaus has named his 23 man roster, plus two standby players, for the World Cup Finals where Vilita will attempt to defend their World Cup Title. Jimmy Kater retains his position as starting goalkeeper, while Yeaddin Owls AFC's Delain Falcon has been invited to sit on the bench to be called on if necessary. Ricky Ezis takes the primary role in defense, while Ade Hinds, recently returning to hometown club Eastal Lunar, will be making his first World Cup Finals Appearance.

----------------------Christian Sanou will have the impossible task of filling the shoes of the legendary Jurgen Ramzi, and will have one of Ramzi's former trainee's Mauro Capuano pressing for a place behind him. 39 Year Old Santo Kecker returns for yet another World Cup as captain, but Vilkaus has made it clear that Inaki Soler and Antonis Siazzu would be the preffered central pairing, leaving Kecker on Left Wing. Vilkaus has also brought in Maurizio Sala to share Free Kick and other Set Piece duties with Kecker. World Cup hero Tanner Nerni will likely do the job from the bench, while Stellar Division youth player of the year Jonjo Hulyer and Strike FC's talented Manolis Makunike will both be making their first finals appearances.

----------------------No surprises by Vilkaus in choosing Callum Banda, with 71 career Vilitan goals, as his top choice forward along with Riccardo Appolloni. Arcticala Inlet's impressive 22 year old Ippolit Adjei gets called to the finals for the first time after another impressive season with the Arcticala side. Defender Kagiso Alfieri-Molali and Midfielder Daniel Oram have been placed on standby to be called into the squad in the case of injuries to the starting 23.


GOALKEEPERS:

[ 85 ] Jimmy Kater [ - Strike FC - ]
------- GK ( AGE: 28 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Jimmy Kater took over the starting position on the National Team under the intense spotlight of the World Cup 17 Finals in Vilita. Kater has remained first choice keeper since then, despite a Quarter Final exit to Liverpool England. After leading the Vilita Under-21's to the Under-21 World Cup 7 Championship, Kater left a deflating Tivali City to join up-and-comers Arcticala Inlet, who he led to the top half of the Stellar Division tables. Kater earned a pair of consecutive Vilitan Cup titles with Arcticala Inlet, before returning to Strike FC ater the departure of Bryan 'Pop' Duiker

[ 86 ] Delain Falcón [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- GK ( AGE: 25 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Falcon signed for Vilita Declasse side Akisa Surta midway through Vilitan Season 9, joining the club in a promotion battle. He is the first ever recognized international from Akisa Surta, And has large shoes to fill in defending Vilita's Under 21 Championship earned by National Hero Jimmy Kater. He took a further step in filling Kater's shoes by joining his former team, Stellar Division side Tivali City in Season 11.


DEFENDERS:

[ 6 ] Ricky Ezis [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- D RC ( AGE: 28 GOALS::SR: 3 U21: 1 REG: 1 )
Ricky Ezis is one of the most exciting prospects in all of Vilita, being molded in the exact form of the most capped Vilitan player in history, Enzo Ahat. The Strike FC defender plays alongside former Vilitan Nationals Danilo Liguori and David Leacock in the Stellar Division and frequently outshines his more experienced teammates. His performances have consistently earned him selection to the National team in favor of this duo, and Arcticala Inlet's Emarka Laniora. Ricky transferrd to Yeaddin Owls in Season 14 and helped lead them to the Stellar Division Championship.

[ 8 ] Niccoló Mazzeo [ - Inland Peaks FC - ]
------- D LC ( AGE: 22 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 3 REG: 0 )
Niccoló Mazzeo earned a favorable report from Vilitan Coach Helmut Vilkaus and was tapped to replace Esemar Aliana upon his retirement from International Play.

[ 9 ] Andrea Lamberti [ - Jlinal Cove FC - ]
------- D LC ( AGE: 22 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Lamberti became the youngest player to ever feature for the first team at Arcticala Inlet and has been tipped as the next Giacomo Adika after a high profile transfer to Nusira-Lionta following Vilitan Season 9. At just 17 years old, looked set to be a regular in the Vilitan starting lineup following the semi-retirement of Adika and Enzo Ahat. However, a widely-publicized screw up in World Cup 19 cost Lamberti his position at Nusira Lionta, and he moved to Jlinal Cove.

[ 67 ] Ade Hinds [ - Eastal Lunar - ]
------- D LC ( AGE: 19 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Ade Hinds transferred to Turoki Isle for Vilitan Season 14 after the Islanders made a surprise shift towards Vilitan based talent, offloading foreigners Alejandro Vantrease and Henrik Bastale

[ 3 ] Jaloey Afrikka [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- D LC ( AGE: 32 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 1 REG: 1 )
Jaloey Afrikka is one of the quiet talents in the Vilita lineup. A regular in the team since graduating from the Under-21 side, Jaloey is always in the roster somewhere, either starting or on the bench, when the Vilitan teamsheet is announced. With the retirement of Vilitan defensive legends Giacomo Adika and Enzo Ahat, Afrikka finds himself as first-choice Central Defender for the World Cup 19 Finals. Afrikka will have added confidence after returning home to Jlinal Cove FC, the club where he got his start, after a stint in the Stellar Division with Turoki Isle and Strike FC. The well travelled Afrikka is the only player known to have featured for the Vilitan Trio, after signing with Yeaddin Owls, Afrikka featured for Strike FC and Marine Coast United in addition to a host of other teams throughout his career.

[ 68 ] Kagiso Alfieri-Molali [ - Arcticala Inlet - ]
------- D R ( AGE: 22 GOALS::SR: 2 U21: 0 REG: 0 )



DEFENSIVE MID:

[ 31 ] Christian Sanou [ - Jlinal Cove FC - ]
------- D DM RC ( AGE: 24 GOALS::SR: 1 U21: 2 REG: 0 )
A star out of place in his lowly club side, Sanou is leading the new crop of Defensive Midfielders being trained under Vilitan legend Jurgen Ramzi. Ramzi was recruited by Jlinal Cove FC after their relegation to the Declasse Division of the Vilitan Football Pyramid, and since has introduced a wealth of Defensive Midfield talent to Vilitan head coach Helmut Vilkaus. Under-21 International Sanou has risen from absolutely nowhere under Ramzi's leadership to bypass Liverpool England based Antonis Ratuva and Corra Rangers' Lai Otieno to challenge Ramzi himself for his place in the starting lineup for World Cup 19.

[ 35 ] Mauro Capuano [ - Eastal Lunar - ]
------- DM C ( AGE: 22 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 2 REG: 0 )


[ 34 ] Daniel Oram [ - Alikki-Corra - ]
------- DM C ( AGE: 20 GOALS::SR: 2 U21: 0 REG: 0 )



MIDFIELDERS:

[ 14 ] Inaki Soler [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- AM RLC ( AGE: 25 GOALS::SR: 8 U21: 9 REG: 1 )
Inaki Soler may be the greatest Vilitan talent since Santo Kecker graced the Vilitan history books with the first ever game-winning Vilitan goal against Compound Interest in World Cup 13 Qualifying. Despite a lack of goals so far in his senior career, a high profile-record transfer to the ever-improving Yeaddin Owls AFC was sure to do nothing but improve his chances of keeping his place in the Vilita side. With Helmut Vilkaus announcing an emphasis on Wings in the coming years, many expect Soler to breakthrough and take his place as the first-choice Vilitan midfielder. However, Soler left the Owls with friend Antonis Siazzu during the Season 12 Exodus to train independantly and focus on international play. After starting the first half of Season 13 with Alikki-Corra, Soler returned to Yeaddin Owls and sparked a resurretion that saw the Owls catch and pass Strike FC to earn their 10th Stellar Division title.

[ 20 ] Antonis Siazzu [ - Arcticala Inlet - ]
------- AM C ( AGE: 22 GOALS::SR: 5 U21: 7 REG: 0 )
Siazzu is a product of the Yeaddin Owls youth academy, moving on a fully funded loan deal to Melmondian side Titania Forests during the World Cup 19 Qualifiers. The impressive youth midfielder is one of the youngest since World Cup 13 to make a regular starting role in the Senior National Team, taking up the role during World Cup 19 Qualifiers at just 17 years of age. Working under Coach Nigel Chapman, Siazzu was apart of arguably the best midfield lineup in the entire World, taking up a central role alongside Calaesa Mitaroka, with the phenominal Inaki Soler and the always reliable Tanner Nerni on either side. However, Siazzu and Soler left the Owls during the Season 12 Exodus to train independantly and focus on international play. However, after failing to achieve promotion with Alikki-Corra in Season 13, the price on Siazzu's head was to much for the Declasse side to pass up, with the exciting young midfielder moving to Arcticala Inlet for a fee almost double that of the previous record for a Vilitan club.

[ 26 ] Maurizio Sala [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- M RC ( AGE: 24 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 5 REG: 0 )
The former Tivali City youth trainee transferred to Nusira Lionta from Marine Coast during Vilitan season 9 in an attempt to get regular first team action. Sala was left with just 10 starts in two seasons with Marine Coast before being transferred to Turoki Isle, where he learned his trade as a free kick specialist. After some impressive performances, Sala returned to Marine Coast in Season 13

[ 25 ] Santo Kecker [ - Strike FC - ]
------- M LC ( AGE: 39 GOALS::SR: 20 U21: 0 REG: 3 )
Captain of Vilitan National Team since the start of World Cup 13. Kecker transferred from Marine Coast United to Barcoenfuego of Kingsford for 6.2m Following World Cup 14. Kecker, a free kick specialist, was left homeless when the Kingsford Pillar League dissolved and decided the time was right for a return to the Vilitan League. While he had originally planned to rejoin Marine Coast United, Kecker ended up at Jungle Strike FC. To this day, Kecker, Strike or Marine Coast have not indicated any of the reasons behind this decision, and it is likely to remain a mystery. Whatever the reason, the effect is clear, with Strike stepping up as the main challenger to Yeaddin Owls in the seasonal challenge for the Stellar Division title, as well as counting up a handful of Vilitan Cup and Tropical Trophy victories along the way.

[ 23 ] Tanner Nerni [ - Eastal Lunar - ]
------- M RC ( AGE: 29 GOALS::SR: 5 U21: 6 REG: 3 )
The Impressive Wing Midifleder, born & raised in Turori by Vilitan parents, saw his first international action in the Atlantian Oceania Cup of Association Football. Nerni's performances at a young age in the AOCAF Cup and for Cednia Beach AFC in Turori earned him what was a then-record transfer to high-flying Yeaddin Owls AFC, a fee still only twice eclipsed, both in Vilitan Season 10. Nerni, however, seemed to have never made the impact on the National Stage, as is the case with many of the Owls stars, who seem to save their best performances for the league and never walk too far from the bench when the Teal, Orange and Navy are in action. That is, until the World Cup 20 final. It was Nerni's penetrating runs down the right flank that eventually earned Vilita the World Cup for the first time, Nerni scoring the winning goal and becoming the hottest commodity in sport. Eventually, Eastal Lunar tendered an offer no club could refuse, and Nerni was off to his new club for an all-time record Vilitan transfer.

[ 27 ] Jacques Vintila [ - Arcticala Inlet - ]
------- AM C ( AGE: 28 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 1 REG: 0 )
Once tipped to change the face of Vilitan Sport, the Cednia, Turori born player made his move to the Stellar Division when signing for Jlinal Cove FC. Vintilla impressed at the Cove despite their relegation in his first season, but has cooled off recently. Vintila is the rarity at Jlinal Cove, the only Attacking Midfielder on record at Jurgen Ramzi's defensive-minded work house, but his attacking prowess has yet been able to see Jlinal Cove back to the Stellar Division

[ 51 ] Jonjo Hulyer [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- M LC ( AGE: 17 GOALS::SR: 2 U21: 0 REG: 0 )
Jonjo Hulyer is one of the most exciting prospects to come out of the Marine Coast academy in many seasons. He is expected to challenge for a place in the Marine Coast Lineup at just 16 years of age, Preferring to attack down the middle or on the left flank.

[ 54 ] Manolis Makunike [ - Strike FC - ]
------- M RC ( AGE: 22 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 3 REG: 0 )


[ 21 ] Calaesa Mitaroka [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- M RLC ( AGE: 32 GOALS::SR: 4 U21: 2 REG: 4 )
Mitaroka's Performances for Yeaddin in Season One earned him Youth Player of the Year Honors along with Yeaddin's Stellar Division Championship in the Inagural Vilitan season. Mitaroka never developed into the powerhouse force that was expected from his early performances, but is expected to make a great coach one day do to his leadership both on and off the field at Yeaddin Owls AFC. Mitaroka has indicated he may retire from the International scene after the World Cup Finals in Turori, to concentrate on coaching and regional competitions.


FORWARDS:

[ 16 ] Callum Banda [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 35 GOALS::SR: 64 U21: 6 REG: 1 )
Sensational Striker averaging over a goal per game in the U21's remarkable Runner-Up performances in U21 WC3. First Appeared for the National team in World Cup 13 and scored the Jungle Cats first ever goal in Inter-NationStatal Competition in the 2-1 over Compound Interest. Banda set a Vilitan record by scoring 10 times during World Cup 19 Qualifying, includding his 50th career goal, both in all international competitions, and his 50th Senior-National tally with the equalizer against Tadjikistan. Banda capped off a sensational season by winning his first Vilitan Most Valuable Player award.

[ 19 ] Riccardo Appolloni [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 25 GOALS::SR: 7 U21: 13 REG: 0 )
Riccardo Appolloni came through the youth ranks at Mavaloio before transferring to Yeaddin Owls AFC and quickly displacing Jan Christiansen from his role as first choice striker. Appolloni also one-upped Christiansen by earning a regular role in the Vilitan National team, something Christiansen was never able to do.

[ 12 ] Serge DuPont [ - Strike FC - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 32 GOALS::SR: 32 U21: 8 REG: 17 )
Youthful Prospect Striker signing for Strike FC prior to VL Season Two. Made International Senior Debut in World Cup XV Qualfiying against the East Asian Empire and has been favored on the senior bench over veteren Lorenzo Mumamba. Has scored at the inter

[ 47 ] Ippolit Adjei [ - Arcticala Inlet - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 22 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 5 REG: 1 )
Adjei moved to Arcticala Inlet during the Yeaddin Exodus following Season 12, the first in history that Yeaddin were not in the top 2.

[ 17 ] Mauro Baraza [ - Eastal Lunar - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 27 GOALS::SR: 4 U21: 10 REG: 9 )
Mauro Baraza looked to be a player of the future for Vilita after setting records for goalscoring in the Under-21's. However, he could never break through and displace Callum Banda or Serge DuPont and has slipped down the picking order.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif
25 Games Unbeaten after Druidan Draw
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
86' Santo Kecker

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

-------------------The Vilita Jungle Cats struck late to save their second best all time winning streak, extending it to 25 games in senior competition dating back to World Cup 20. Vilita always looked second best in the match against their regional neighbors from Druida, and did not register a single shot on goal the entire match, until Santo Kecker's 86th minute free kick found the back of the net to the delight of the travelling Vilitan support.

-------------------Controversy had arose just 10 minutes prior, after Druida looked certain to extend their lead to 2-0 after being awarded a penalty after what looked to be a foul on Vilitan keeper Jimmy Kater, and left the keeper reeling in pain on the turf, unable to continue the match. But the referee saw it only as an attempt to earn sympathy, and would not let the 28 year old Strike FC goalkeeper leave the pitch before the penalty was taken, despite the fact he could not stand under his own power. Some quick thinking by head coach Helmut Vilkaus saw backup keeper Delain Falcon allowed onto the pitch in place of defender Andrea Lamberti. When the ref saw Falcon pull off his disguise, teammate Ade Hinds outfield uniform and the goalkeeping gloves out of his shorts, he immediately yellow-carded the player and informed Vilkaus that he had two goalkeepers on the pitch, and one of them would have to relinquish the position and play in the field. Naturally, Vilkaus instructed Jimmy Kater to remove his gloves and keeper top to assume a position, in the field.

-------------------Druidan captain Dan Norfleet stepped up to take the spot kick, but his weak effort was easily dealt with by Falcon who quickly got rid of the ball which Antonis Siazzu was able to put out off Druida's Huw Richards, allowing Jimmy Kater to be substituted off the pitch. Inaki Soler made a valiant entry, and quickly changed the pace of the game, Vilita were winning midfield and pressing chances, but were on able to get anything that Elastic Edwards had to deal with in the Druidan goal. Soler earned a free kick 20 yards out with just 5 minutes to play, and Vilitan Captain Santo Kecker stepped up. His textbook curling kick left Elastic petrified, and cancelled out Eric Tree's 19th minute header, leaving the match deadlocked at 1-1 when the final whistle blew.




Full Time Analysis:

Vilita

Best Player: Niccoló Mazzeo
Worst Player: Andrea Lamberti
Shots on Target: 1
Corner Kicks: 1


http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/teamsheet.gif
Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Niccoló Mazzeo, [D] Ricky Ezis, [D] Andrea Lamberti, [DMC] Christian Sanou, [ML] Maurizio Sala, [MC] Santo Kecker, [MC] Jacques Vintila, [MR] Tanner Nerni, [FC] Riccardo Appolloni, [FC] Callum Banda,
BENCH::
[FC] Serge DuPont, [FC] Mauro Baraza, [M] Inaki Soler, [M] Antonis Siazzu, [U] Jonjo Hulyer, [D] Ade Hinds, [GK] Delain Falcón,

Vilita Substitutions::
(32) - Ricky Ezis >>> Antonis Siazzu
(75) - Andrea Lamberti >>> Delain Falcón
(77) - Jimmy Kater >>> Inaki Soler

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/logo.gif

Milauo is Tired and Wants to Sleep


------------------- Turori Eels Goalkeeper Milauo Slietah is tired, and he wants to go to sleep. Milauo Slietah has just been standing up for like two hours and didn't even get to play football.. or soccer. Poor guy. He just wants to go home to his wife, chat for a few minutes, put in a movie and go to sleep. Actually, Milauo isn't married yet, but he loves his girlfriend and he's pretty depressed about being stuck on a stupid field in some stupid foreign land hundreds of miles away from the one he loves. Of course, Milauo Slietah's girlfriend will arrive in Cockbill Street once the knockout stage begins, assuming Turori is still involved, but until then, he's all alone.

-------------------And he hates it. It's not so much being alone, on the field, that Milauo Slietah hates. It's more about knowing that shes not in the stands, watching him play. He's done some great things when she was in the stands. She was in the stands for that remarkable hattrick against Starblaydia, and they spent the whole night together celebrating, enjoying the day. She was there when he saved two Kingsford penalty kicks to propel Turori to the Eagles Cup championship, and the day that he returned to the scoresheet against Cockbill Street. But standing on that field, Milauo felt like part of him was missing. He felt useless and without purpose. No one from The Eagles Nest was even taking a shot on him. He had nothing to do, but think about how much he wished he was somewhere else.


The Eels went on to win the game, 3-0.



----------------------------------------
RESULTS AND OTHER INFORMATION
----------------------------------------


All Turori matches to be played in Cockbill Street (Unless Otherwise Noted)

Turori::[3-0]-The Eagles Nest
Turori::[X-X]-
Turori::[X-X]-



--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9

the following actions happened between the hours of 8pm and 9pm.

Doomhammer is in his office reading my pet goat. the phone rings. S.Sam is on the other end.

DH: What do you want!

SS: Sir. Its getting close to that time of the month.

DH: bu... But that’s net week isn't it?

SS: no sir. You have to do it this week.

DH: ok. Can’t I get out of it. Got my hands full at the moment.

SS: Sir. its in the contract. 1 token press conference a month.

DH: but their just out to nail me!

SS: don't worry. It will mostly be about the Druid match. It could be all-important you know.

DH: only if we lose today. We earned all 3 point in the Spurland match.

SS: Vilita is the world numbers 1. It’ll be a miracle if we get a point in this one.

DH: well then pray. if we win it will take some of the sting out of the presses’ questions. Go to bed and get some rest and a drink. Calms the nerves. Goodbye!

OCC: thanks to Eauz for posting the ranks. didn't seem to be anywhere else.

"So how'd we do in the first match?"

"Nil-all against Cockbill Street."

"Nil-all? What happened to our offense?"

"Our offense isn't the problem. The Streeters are Karela-freaks. 'Better to draw 0:0 than lose 5:6', as they always say."

"Well, if they've adopted the style of Rejistania, they must be a pretty decent team."

"Well, the official world rankings (http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/KPB%20Rankings.xls) have them at number twenty-four."

"Not too bad, then."

"All right, so we've had our draw. That means we have a win and a loss coming."

"Sorry?"

"In World Cups 17, 18, and 19, we made it through the group stage with a win, a draw, and a loss. In Twenty it was two wins and a loss, but that was a fluke."

"We've got D2R and Fmjphoenix left to play. Which one will we beat?"

"D2R, definitely. I'm smelling a loss to the Vikings."

"Why the Vikings? Wouldn't losing to D2R make more sense?"

"Yes, it would. That's why it won't happen. Just like in qualifying, we lost to South Osettia and the Weegies. We should've lost to Liverpool England and Kaze Progressa instead."

"True."

"Besides, D2R is overrated anyway."

"We're overrated anyway."

"I don't think so. Especially now that we're in the World Cup, we oughta be able to step it up a notch."

"Yeah. I just hope BSTV is up and running again by the time the D2R match rolls around..."

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Motherfoaker draw leaves 'slaves at top
Win over hosts and/or Oaker would all but see the 'slaves through

Group H P W D L GF-GAPts
Audioslavia 1 1 0 0 2-0 3
Lethislavania 1 0 1 0 2-2 1
Oaker 1 0 1 0 2-2 1
Nova Britannicus 1 0 0 1 0-2 0

USELESS FACT ALERT: Audioslavia are the only side in group H not to have conceded two goals.

In an end-to-end thriller, Oaker and Lethisvania could only play out a 2-2 draw to leave both sides in joint second place, with Nova Britannicus propping up the table.

Things may finally be looking up for Audioslavia. The team looks a hell of a lot better than the team that lost so awfully to Oceaice, Nova Britannicus and Sonaron in qualifying. Lets have a look at them.

#22
Gabe CELTA
Position: Goalkeeper
Age: 18
Gabe made his international debut in bizarre circumstances. With the national side on the ropes he was one of the new batch of players dubbed the Post-Sonaron Salvation Army, who were given their respective baptisms of fire by replacing some of the under-performing players. Gabe edged Auden Dracon out of the squad and with some fine performances for his team Caylerden City, got himself ahead of the experienced Peter Andersson and James Walsh in the pecking order.

#2
Derry COLGAN
Position: Full Back
Age: 17
The second member of the so-called 'Salvation Army', seventeen year-old Derry Colgan answered calls for the first eleven to include a 'proper' right-back after Killian Rijsbergen, Aron Ceulemans and a dodgy 3-5-2 system all failed to keep the 'slaves defence solid. Colgan is arguably the weakest member of the first eleven, but the Caylerden City full back is holding his own against the best the world has to offer.

#3
Arne CAREL
Position: Full Back
Age: 30

The Acosta Browns player is a survivor from the World Cup 18 team. At 30 years old he is at the peak of his game, but that didn't stop Mill and Fenwick both leaving him out of the first eleven in favour of the 3-5-2 systen that didn't work. However, Carel played his way back into the side and is a mainstay at the back along with the rock-solid twosome of Greigs Johnstone and Aron Ceulemans in the centre of defence.

#5
Greigs JOHNSTONE
Position: Centre Half
Age: 35

The rock of the Audioslavian defence for at least seven-thousand years now, Greigs is the captain and the first name on Didi Romanov's team sheet each week. He has a bit of a bad disceplinary record in the world cup (three red cards and counting) but Greigs still won't be giving way to Brogan Cairbre or Anders Burn for a while yet

#6
Aron CEULEMANS
Position: Centre Half
Age: 22

After establishing himself as Audioslavia's number 2 centre-half in World Cup 20, Aron was conspicuously left out of many a qualifying eleven last year, despite showing good form for Cornellby City. After being tried, unsuccesfully, at the then-vacant right-back spot, Aron was moved back to centre-half and has stayed there for the last six matches or so, reminding anyone who cares to listen that he is one of the best defenders the game has to offer.

#20
Jack BATTLE
Position: Central Midfielder
Age: 19

Player number three of the Salvation Army, Battle has shown good form but has never lasted a full ninety minutes, usually giving way to either a defender or an attacker. A defender if things are going well (i.e. an Audioslavian lead) an attacker if things are going badly (i.e. the last seventy minutes of a world cup final). Nevertheless, Danny has been solid for the 'slaves, showing experience beyond his years. Unless former defensive-midfield favourite Oran Crevan starts showing considerable form, Battle will be a first-choice player for some time.

#19
Taurxa JEROEN
Position: Right Midfielder
Age: 19

Another midfielder, Jeroen has battled his way into the side and, amazingly, kept himself there despite massive changes all around him. Jeroen was originally drafted into attacking midfield where he performed admirably, but thanks to an Ally Marriot ressurgence of form he has been put out on the right side of midfield, a position to which he is accustomed to for his club Soundgardiana. It is here that he has excelled, keeping the also excellent Jussi Oskari out of the side. Another young player, Taurxa has a bright future ahead of him.

#11
Arie JANSEN
Position: Left Midfielder
Age: 29

A-like to legendary winger Callum Jensen in style as well as name, Arie is one of the first names on the team sheet and has not been dropped from a full-strength Audioslavia line-up for six years. His electric pace is the kickstart for most counter-attacks, his crossing skills are second to none, and he's quite the goalscorer too. Arie has hinted at retirement after the world cup, but Audioslavia's star winger will remain one the sport's greatest players for a few years yet.

#10
Alexander MARRIOT
Position: Attacking Midfielder
Age: 33

Speaking of great players, Ally Marriot is finally finding the form which made him the man to watch in both world cups 19 and 20. After a plague of injuries and bad luck many thought that Marriot, now 33, had lost it, but Didi Romanov stuck by him when everybody else - even Fatherham manager Claude Smith - didn't and it paid off. Two excellent games against Iansisle and goals against Kylaai and Haperd put the 'slaves into the world cup. This will almost certainly be his last.

#9
Jackie McLLROY
Position: Centre Forward
Age: 30

The big man up front for many years, Jackie has been the side's leading goalscorer in the last two world cups. At 30 this will probably be his last appearance in a world cup finals tournament, and he'll hope to go out with a bang.

#17
Pierre CESARE
Position: Centre Forward
Age: 19

The final member of the Salvation Army included in the first eleven, Cesare's wonder goal against Nova Britannicus cemented his place in the first eleven. Things were always going to be tough after inheriting Ollie Dannes' number seventeen shirt and trying to keep the much-touted Jorma Taavi out of the side, but Cesare has taken to it well, and will most likely be a first choice striker for some time.

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

TOURNAMENT WOES CONTINUE FOR LIGHTNING
Kylaai only latest name to deny Svecia

The 2-1 loss yesterday dropped Svecia´s World Cup Finals record to 1-2-4 in the last three World Cups. If last year´s Jurassic Invitational is included, the record is 2-3-6. Svecia have not advanced out of the groups stage since World Cup 18 when they lost to Rejistania 4-0 in the second round.

Druij de Vlieger´s 36th minute goal briefly pulled the Lightning level after giving up a 9th minute penalty after Hans Larsson was called for the handball while going up for a header.

Kylaai answered de Vlieger´s goal with their second just three minutes later, and Svecia could not find enough rythmn to overcome the solid defense of their opponants.

Silverfinger on the Loose

No one is sure who this character, Sliverfinger is, but apparently he is claiming to be the second most baddest villain in all of the world cup. He apparently is the one to blame, for the assassination of a few fans at the cup in Lethislavania. Lethislaviana police are stepping up research to find this guy, but according to a so called "baddest villain of the world cup", it will take more than the police to find this fellow.

The "Baddest villian of the World cup", from Vilita declined to help in the search for this guy, as he commented saying: "Why would I EVER help the "good" guys? I'm supposed to fight you guys, and help out the "bad guys. I even signed a contract…" He then punched one of the reporters in the stomach, and left.

If anyone out there knows anything about this “Silverfinger” fellow, please report it to the Local pol… (Baddest Villian comes back, and hits this reporter from behind) "I hate Commies, Especially Commie reporters!"

Vikings lose close match in time stoppage, prepare for task of facing hosts

With time running out, Powell Lamar's clean sheet came up short, as Hytrex Maeda scored the lone goal of the match in time stoppage to prevent any chance of a Fmjphoenix upset as Dance 2 Revolution sent the Vikings to a loss in their first match in the second round 1-0.

This looked more like a Rejistanian match, as it appeared that System Karela was in full effect. D2R started the match off playing ball control, slowly moving up the field. It was 12 minutes before the first shot on goal was taken by Über, but it was swallowed up by Lamar. Afterwards it was Fmjphoenix's time to play control. It took them 14 minutes to work their way up to the D2R side of the pitch. When Mike Nolan finally took a shot, it was deflected before the loose ball was recovered by Xipzorxt Jinforto. It was a mostly boring first half, as the line showed D2R with 4 shots on target while Fmjphoenix had only 2.

The second half was just the same, more System Karela was in effect. Neither team took a shot until the 75th minute when D2R took a 20 foot shot that was easily caught by Lamar. Following the clearence, the Vikings sent everyone up to try for an all out attack. It was a good try, but Verdio Day was intent on stopping everything the Vikings threw at him. The final shot was cleared at the 89th minute. That was when D2R threw everything at the Vikings, and it overwhelmed their defenders. It took only one minute to cross to the Vikings side and after a cross, Maeda took a shot from 12 feet out that flew past Lamar to put the Revolutionaries up 1-0. Unfortunetly for Fmjphoenix, they could not get close enough to take a good shot as a desperation shot by Larry Brown sailed at least 5 feet over the net to end the match.

Despite the 1-0 loss, the Vikings are still jubilant. They have a youthful squad that is gaining a lot of expierence fast, and is learning from the opponents well. Fmjphoenix will now play Cockbill Street for the first time. They will be playing in , the Streets home stadium. Thousands of fans have traveled the distance from Fmjphoenix across the region to see the Vikings play in their first finals. Expect all the green and blue in the crowd to be cheering loudly for their green and blue on the pitch in hopes of their first points in finals football.

Fmjphoenix: 0
(None)

Dance 2 Revolution: 1
(Maeda 90)

Fmjphoenix Qualification Run:
MD01: --Bye--
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Five Civilized Nations Draw 2-2
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Bryn Shander Win 1-0
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Nifty Nick Win 4-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ The Belmore Family Draw 2-2
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Squornshelous Lose 1-3
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Iansisle Draw 1-1
MD08: --Bye--
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Five Civilized Nations Win 1-0
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Bryn Shander Win 4-1
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Nifty Nick Win 5-0
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs The Belmore Family Win 1-0
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Squornshelous Draw 1-1
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Iansisle Lose 0-1
MD15: Fmjphoenix vs Dance 2 Revolution Lose 0-1
MD16: Fmjphoenix vs Cockbill Street ????
MD17: Fmjphoenix vs Bedistan ????
Record: 6-4-3

Sunlight peered through the window of the newlywed Andrews couple's living room. A tired Robert, the husband, entered the room with a newspaper under his arm. He found the water bucket, took a glass and scooped as much of it as he could find into his parched mouth before letting out some sort of mixture between a yawn and a sigh.

"Honey? Finished yet?" he cried out, not expecting an answer from the even more tired creature in the bedroom.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming. Just don't do this every morning or I might reconsider that yes I gave a couple of days ago..."

"Sorry...it's just that I wondered whether to start breakfast. You can sleep for a bit longer if you want..."

"How long?"

"Fifteen minutes," he replied.

Robert scanned the newspaper for information, and a headline about the upcoming World Cup caught his eye. He had been considering going there - after all, he had been at the last two, and when it was only a stone's throw away (compared to Turori and Starblaydia, at least) why shouldn't one go? The tickets system all seemed a bit complicated, though, and that was what the article was about as well. Apparently, a clacks receipt of an order wasn't quite enough for the guys at the central tickets office in Vimesbairn. Still seemed to be tickets left for the Cockbill Street v Bedistan game, though...

At breakfast, he proposed the idea to Christine.

"Honeymoon at the World Cup? Well...I dunno," she said. "We've made two trips overseas in the past eight years, and both coincidentally happened to be at the place the World Cup was held..."

"At least this time I'm being honest and telling you why I want to go, sweetie," Robert decided it was time to go for all the nice words in the dictionary. "Besides, a trip to Vimesbairn doesn't cost a lot. We could go back to Roegrow on the Johnson (OOC note: In this universe, the first zeppelin was invented by Bergholt Stuttley (nicknamed "Bloody Stupid") Johnson, but owing to a mess-up involving feet and inches its fuel tank was 80 cubic inches and the first Johnson thus ran out of fuel about nine feet above the ground. However, as this was the only Johnson device which seemed to work moderately well, the name stuck and some other inventive guy came up with the idea of expanding the fuel tank. As history naturally goes, the man who actually made the thing work gets no credit.) after the match, too."

"I don't trust those things. It's not coincidental that it's named after Bloody Stupid Johnson."

"No, it was the only thing he ever made that half-worked. Anyway, we can even take the coach. I've saved up some money - but of course, it won't cost as much as going to Turori or Druida..."

"I liked Turori. Apart from the football, that is. Had a nice and jungly feel to it."

"Yeah, that's cos trees were growing up through my bed. Couldn't breathe but for the stupid palm wossnames," Robert had tried to forget the painful memories of Turori for eight years. He wasn't very good at forgetting.

"Okay, then. I can go shopping in Vimesbairn too, I hope? Heard from Patricia next door that they had some absolutely lovely clothes shops there," Christine brightened up at the thought of this.

"Whatever you want, darling. As long as you aren't booked at four o'clock next week on Tuesday."

"You know I never plan that far ahead..."

"Well, now you have done."

---

People thronged in masses to get into the stands of the Vimesbairn National Stadium (yes, stands - WCC regulations that World Cup finals matches should be all-seater owing to safety had been safely ignored). Bedistani fans, clad in the green and blue (though, luckily for them, not chanting "Green-Blues" - honestly, anyone ever tried to chant "Green-Blues"? There's no rhythm!) of the Lions team stood in one row at the western side, while the Streetian fans were on the eastern side. Just a safety precaution - after all, some people were still bitter about Nick Yu.

Robert and Christine, however, had managed to get tickets in the Bedistani part of the queue. Robert was furious, because the clerk at the tickets office had promised them seats right among the Red-Blues - not the Green-Blues. Christine didn't mind so much - she wasn't gonna cheer too much for the Streeters, so she would stand out in the crowd (being a she didn't help, either)

After several hours in the queue - they had been told that it was best to get there by twelve o'clock, and so they did, yet it took three and a half hours to get into the stadium. Many were behind them in the queue, however, and it seemed like the organisation wasn't exactly top notch.

Robert breathed out as he saw the pitch. "Finally! That took forever, didn't it?"

"Yeah. Now where do we stand?"

"Somewhere up here..."

After twenty minutes' climb, they reached the third-highest stand in the entire stadium. The players seemed to be little pinpricks on the top of a small, green park, but still, they were at the World Cup, Robert thought.

"Maybe it's a good idea not to get tickets a day before the thing starts?" Christine pointed out.

"Hey, you didn't really want to see the game, did you? It's the atmosphere that counts," Robert tried to argue.

"The air? Mmm...smells of rotten hot dogs and farts."

"Football really brings out the sarcastic streak in you, dear..."

---

"Thirty-five minutes and not a single shot on goal has been fired. Is something wrong?" Christine asked.

"Didn't I tell you? The Street imported a coach from Rejistania six, seven years ago. You must have heard it...you even voted, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I voted for the Rejistanian guy. Thought it'd be fun to have all the Streetian fans complaining. What are they doing? Have they been brainwashed or something?"

"Hmm...seems like it. They're applauding every tackle we make and booing every pass."

"It wasn't like this in Starblaydia," Christine said.

"Think that may have something to do with only a couple of years in control. Now he really seems to have done something with the team..."

"And the crowd."

"Agreed."

---

As they walked out of the stadium, desperate for even something looking remotely like a shot on goal, Christine raised the subject again.

"These people really are brainwashed, you know," she said.

"What?"

"They applauded, even though the match was more boring than Karela lines against the Rejistani national team...this would never have happened ten years ago."

"We scored a point against Bedistan."

"Still. No one could have been proud of that back then."

"Bedistan were quite good..."

"You know what I mean, Robert dear. There is no way a Streetian fan, ten years ago, could have accepted this performance, even though it would have given a 1-0 win over Audioslavia. It just isn't possible."

"How do you know? You didn't even bother about Streetian football!"

"All my friends who are fans of Roegrow say the same thing. Seems to be a Vimesbairn United thing, this love of Karela-football."

"Okay, don't think this is getting anywhere..."

"That is, "I'm losing the argument"," Christine interrupted.

"Therefore," Robert went on. "I think it's time we found somewhere to stay for the night."

"Thought we were going back to Roegrow?"

"Coach left at half past five, I told you that before we left. Anyway, there are tons of places here we can stay. I'm sure some of them will have Athletic fans you can mingle with."

"I'd much rather mingle with you, dear..."

Unnamed helper: "Sorry we're a little late."

DruidSport Producer: "You're almost two hours late! We're about to start our broadcast!"

Unnamed helper: "Well, the President was having a problem at the hotel."

Producer: "You mean the hospitality we provided wasn't up to standard? We can only apologise..."

Unnamed helper: "No, not like that. His problem was with his food."

Producer: "Well, we'll sack the chef immediately if..."

Unnamed helper: "No, it was a trivial problem. He wondered what the point was in toasting the bread for beans on toast when the beans' sauce makes the bread soggy."

Producer: "But... why?"

Unnamed helper: "Who knows. Anyway, he's here now."

Producer: "Great. Just sit him over there next to Bill."

Unnamed helper: "Bill?"

Producer: "Bill Posters. We thought he was good last time we had him on, so he's put his job in advertising on hold to help out the President."

Unnamed helper: "Well, someone's got to."

Producer: "Pardon?"

Unnamed helper: "Oh, nothing."

Producer: "Well, we're about to cross over to them in five... four... three..."


*We hear the end of some fancy sports intro music and... action!*

Bill Posters: "Hello and welcome to DruidSport's coverage of World Cup 21. I'm Bill Posters, and with me is a guest commentator, replacing Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po for hte programme 'Jobswap' is President Margaret Smith, sir, welcome."

President Smith: "Well thank you. It's great to be here watching our favourite team here in Cockbill Street, and it's familiar opposition we're up against this afternoon."

Bill Posters: "Indeed it is, World Champions Vilita, our near neighbours from across the cove. Sir, I must say, that was a very professional introduction you did there."

President Smith: "My halper told me to say it."

Bill Posters: "Well, fantastic. Well, they've had the anthems, the Rainbows' line up is the same as usual, Edwards in goal, Peev, Orange, Ellis and Richards at the back, a midfield of Tree, Northfleet, Mallon and Ng, and Montenegro and Defnyddiwch up front. Do you want to read the Jungle Cats' line-up?"

President Smith: "OK then. Jimmy Carter in goal, Ni..."

Bill Posters: "It's um... Kater... not Carter."

President Smith: "OK, Jimmy Ka-ter, Nicola Mazzeo..."

Bill Posters: "Sir... erm... Niccoló, not Nicola."

President Smith: "Will you stop interrupting, I can read, you know?"

Bill Posters: "Sorry Mr. President."

President Smith: "Right. We have, Ricky Ezis, Andrea Lamberti, Christian Sanou, Maurice... Sa...la... Santa Kecker, *giggles* Jack-quez Vintila, Tanner Nerni, Riccardo Appolloni and Callum Banda. Not bad, eh?"

Bill Posters: "Indeed. Well, I don't want to say anything, but we're five minutes into the match already, and you've only just finished the starting line-ups."

President Smith: "Really?"

Bill Posters: "Yes. Could you make out the words properly? Them maybe, what you need is an eye test from Garth's the Opticians, Druida's number one optician."

President Smith: "Bill, the voice in my ear says that I'm not working in advertising anymore, get on with it. I never was working in advertising?"

Bill Posters: "I think that one was meant for me. Anyway, we can see the Druida attack coming forward, this is Tree on the ball, infield to Northfleet, and his shot flies over the bar."

President Smith: "Which team are we again?"

Bill Posters: "We're Druida, remember? You're the President."

President Smith: "I mean, which team are we on the pitch?"

Bill Posters: "Well, what colour is our flag?"

President Smith: "Well, it's lots of colours."

Bill Posters: "So..."

President Smith: "We're the team in the lots of coloursed shirts?"

Bill Posters: "Indeed we are, kicking from left to right as you can see at home.

* * * * * * * * * *

A short while later...

Bill Posters: "...and that one goes out for a Vilita throw in. Now to hand over to our President."

President Smith: "So what exactly should I be doing here?"

Bill Posters: "Well, just describe what's going on to the people at home. Remember, they can see it on their screens, so don't over do it."

President Smith: "OK then. The Vilita guy's thrown the ball... is he allowed to do that? Anyway, he's thrown in from near the stand to one of the Druida players, who's run a bit, kicked it, and hit that other guy on the head."

Bill Posters: "GOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!"

President Smith: "I don't know what everyone's so happy about? That must've hurt a hell of a lot!"

Bill Posters: "Sir, Druida have scored."

President Smith: "Have they? Sorry, I was too worried about that guy who got hit on the head."

Bill Posters: "Sir, he scored a header. They meant to do that."

President Smith: "But he's running round like he's deranged, are you sure it hasn't affected him?"

Bill Posters: "Sir, that's the celebration."

President Smith: "Well... er..."

Bill Posters: "Here, le' me. Great cross from Ng, what a finish by Tree, one-nil to Druida."

President Smith: "Never mind. I'll let you keep going, Bill."

Bill Posters: "That might be a good idea, sir."

President Smith: "Why, thank you."

Bill Posters: "Thank me? What for?"

President Smith: "Saying my idea was good."

Bill Posters: "Er... that's... OK..."

* * * * * * * * * *

A lot later...

President Smith: "...and the man kicks the ball to another man, the crowd are making a loud screeching noise..."

Bill Posters: "That's it! The Druida Rainbows have held the defending champions to a draw in their opening World Cup game. But it could so easily have been different had captain Northfleet put his penalty away. Sir, have you enjoyed today?"

President Smith: "It's been... er... a little different to my usual job. Is Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po doing my job OK?"

Bill Posters: "I'm sure he'll be managing just fine."

President Smith: "OK. Well, I'll see you next time, Bill."

Bill Posters: "Sir, we haven't finished *door slams shut* yet. We have to do all the round-ups for the news bulletins. I guess I'll have to do them all myself, then."

* * * * * * * * * *

A lot lot later...

Producer: "What did you think of the President?"

Bill Posters: "He was a nightmare. So stupid. How does he come up with ideas of how to run the country?"

Producer: "I don't know. All I know is want him off our team, and Gessemschmitthaagen-Po back..."

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
This is not, the greatest team in the wu-hurld no.. this is just a tribute

Jeremy Jaffacake picked his choice for a football All-Time XI yesterday, comemorating sixty-five years of Audioslavian football.

1: GK: Gerry CHEEVERS (Dennisov)
2: RB: Lee BRANSON (Audioslavia)
3: LB: THUNK (Giant Zucchini)
4: CM: Mick MICKELSON (Lemmitania)
5: CB: Shagrukh the STRONGCLAW (Warnocks Wizards)
6: CB: Enzo AHAT (Vilita)
7: RW: Nina NONAAIA (Crystilakere)
8: CF: URK (Giant Zucchini)
9: CF: Alan BELMORE (The Belmore Family)
10:CF: Torrence BLACK (Oglethorpia)
11:LW: Syku LYKU (Rejistania)

Jeremy has been asked a few times about why he left so many Brazillican, Ariddian, Errinunderan and Eurpa Brittanian stars out, and why he didn't include any defenders from the land of defending (Rejistania) and put the only Rejistanian player out of position. Jaffacake has replied 'fuck off, twat' to all these accusations.

He was Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

Simeone Di Bradini 'not offended' by exclusion
Greatest-Ever Starblaydi says 'its his own list'

Simeone Di Bradini, scorer of a Starblaydi-record 44 International and 3 Under-21 Goals, winner of a Starblaydi-record 84 caps who played in four World Cups has said he was 'not offended' by his exlcusion from Jeremy Jaffacake's 'All-Time' list.

"I don't even think I've ever played against Audioslavia to begin with," the Kiiraana City Manager said, "Oh wait, tell a lie, we played them in our first ever World Cup Finals match and lost Two-One."

The Starblaydi press is up in arms about the great SDB's lack of inclusion in Jeremy Jaffacake, though the Starblaydia Legend's own modesty knows no bounds.

"I only went to four World Cups," Di Bradini went on to say, "we're in our twenty-first. Of course there have been better players than me. The only trophy I've ever lifted was the Four Nations Invitational, and I was wearing a suit for that one."

There's even a Crystilakeren Cup Winner in there, but no Di Bradini? A travesty, we say, a total travesty! How can a man how has dominated the history of one nation's football for nearly a quarter of a century be missed off this list? He went to Alan City, home of the godmods, to fill Alan Belmore's (the one and only) old shirt for some £40,000,000,000! He played for the greatest Starblaydi team ever, bringing Iskara Daii up from the amateur leagues to dominate Starblaydi football and take honours in international competitions, how is he not among these 'greats'?

"Heck, its not my list," he continued, "Jeremy Jaffacake has seen a lot more football than me, over a lot more years than me. And its his own personal list, everyone has their own opinion and I think that's a pretty damn good team, even with Enzo Asshat in there. Is that mic on?"

So? He's been a biased old 'slave, as per usual and we at the Jhanna Chronicle on this super-slow news day, trying to make a shock story out of nothing, say: "g'night and good riddance, bitch!"




P.S. Our Kingsfordian current affairs editor asks "and also, where's Jingus Gonorrhea?"

Syku Lyku in the best XI?

When the Audioslavian reporter Jeremy Jaffacake selected the top XI, he apparently watched the match between Rejistania and Erratic Blobs in the qualifiers of World Cup 12: Since a flue in Rejistania, some star-players had to pause and semi-talented winger Syku Lyku, incidentally named exactly as THE top rejistanian striker had his only appearance in the orange-blue tricot. The former Kalisimu Salan player found his name and (more surprising) his position on a top-player list. "Nice, they remembered me!" was his comment, "even though I was not as good as players like Inik Linkosa or Kansu Lyku..."

Stars finally break through, 3-0

Even though the Sarzonian national football team in its third World Cup finals, the team was still searching for its first-ever World Cup finals victory. The Stars went 0-1-2 in World Cup XIX and 0-2-1 in World Cup XX and lost 2-0 to Rejistania to open World Cup XXI.

However, the Stars finally faced a team below it in the world rankings and took advantage, getting goals from midfielders Darwin Russell and Bobby Convey, and a rare marker from defender Trevor Crenshaw. Goalkeeper Horace Sandt shined between the pipes, making five saves as the Stars throttled Nonesuch Street 3-0.

"It feels great to finally break through and win a World Cup match," Coach Dave Wilson said. "This is the best possible medicine our people could hope for. It's been a long time coming."

With forward and team captain Brian Wilson suspended for the match due to a postmatch red card he received after the Rejistania match, the Stars stumbled out of the gate and gave up two shots early on, but Sandt made up for the miscues with catlike reflexes, diving to his right to stop a sixth minute J. C. MacSwell bid and denying E. Bruthaford from point blank range in the eighth minute.

From there, Russell made a sliding tackle to take the ball away from Bruthaford and sent a laser pass to Convey to start the attack. Four minutes later, Russell cashed in for the Stars (1-0-1, 3 points) as he headed home a cross from midfielder Henrik Bastale to give Sarzonia the 1-0 lead in the 12th minute.

"It felt great to see that streak come to an end," Russell said of the team's five-match plus goalscoring drought in the World Cup finals. "Now we can play with that monkey off our backs."

Did they ever. Convey won possession in midfield shortly after the kickoff and made a spectacular run down the right flank, evading the Nonesuch Street defence and firing a laser shot that goalkeeper W. K. Highsenburg barely knocked over the crossbar. It set Russell up for a corner kick and kept the pressure on Nonesuch Street until Convey slammed home the goal to send the Stars into the locker room ahead 2-0.

From there, Nonesuch Street played desperately to try to crawl back into the match, but Crenshaw caught Nonesuch with a deft counter and put the finishing touches on the rout in the 77th minute.

The Stars now face The Lowland Clans with a bid into the knockout stages in the balance, but the team can be excused for celerbating a bit more than usual after a win.

"When you have a seven match winless streak, you'll take a win any way you can get one," Dave Wilson said.

SCORING
Sarzonia: Russell 12 (Bastale); Convey 15 (Russell); Crenshaw 77 (none).
Nonesuch Street: NONE.

Barry: "Hello, everybody, and welcome to BSTV's live coverage of World Cup Twenty-one! Yes, sports fans, BSTV is back on the air, and what better way to kick it off than with some first-round World Cup action pitting Bedistan against Dance 2 Revolution here at the Vimesbairn Cricket Ground in Vimesbairn, Cockbill Street? I'm Barry Landry alongside Todd Bott up here in the press box, and we'll be giving you all the action today."

Todd: "This should have the makings of the most competitive game in Group D, with two top-ten nations facing off here. Surprisingly, though, despite D2R having the higher ranking here, a lot of people are predicting Bedistan to take three points here. The question is whether the Lions will be able to live up to the hype."

Barry: "The Lions? Still living in the past there, Todd?"

Todd: "Not at all. While we were all evacuating from the old land, the Bedistan national team's name was changed back to the Lions. A bold move, and a damn good one, I think."

Barry: "Yeah, I'm happy to hear it too. Anyway, let's have a look at the squads for today's match."

Todd: "For the Revolutionaries, it's gonna be Day in goal; Qi, Jiangin, and Jinforto on defense; Rayki, Di, Yurijionto, and Maeda Jr. in the midfield; Über, Maeda, and Freestyle up front. Specifically, that's Naoki Maeda Jr. in midfield and Hytrex Maeda at forward."

Barry: "Hytrex Maeda? Isn't he like fifteen years old?"

Todd: "That's a damn fine job of reading directly from the roster sheet there, Barry."

Barry: "I try."

Todd: "At any rate, I'm not sure why they'd be fielding somebody so young in a match like this, especially as part of a somewhat less-than-cautious 3-4-3 setup."

Barry: "Well, I guess we'll find out. How about those Lions?"

Todd: "Reagan in goal; Greene, Pullman, and Lipinski on defense; Bowden, Chapman, Parks, and Mannheim in the middle; Washburn, Carpenter, and Vantrease on the front line."

Barry: "Hm. So we're also going out in a 3-4-3?"

Todd: "It would seem that way."

Barry: "Well, at least it'll be more exciting than the match against the hosts."

Todd: "And now it's time for the national anthems."

[The D2R anthem is played. It's a very upbeat, fast tune, clocking in at around 160 beats per minute. Afterward comes the Bedistani anthem, somewhat more traditional with an average speed of 75 BPM.]

Barry: "Are you ready? Here we go!"

[8th minute]

Barry: "Parks streams past Rayki over on the right side. Two steps left, one forward...now he's holding. And he gives the ball some air, scooting it over to Vanessa Carpenter. Carpenter seems to be the most well-adjusted to the atmosphere, which makes sense as she plays her club football in the Street, though over on the other side of town at Vimesbairn United. She takes a shot...GOOOOOOOOOAL! Marvelous timing on that strike, and the Lions are up by one in the eighth!"

Todd: "I really don't have anything to say now, since you just took the words right out of my mouth."

Barry: "Aw, poor Todd."

Todd: "I will cut you."

[24th minute]

Barry: "And Qi punts it up to Di in the midfield. I love these short names here. Much easier to work with than those people from places like Rejistania. And now it's Di with a pass up to Über. Greene can't stop him, he's only got the keeper to beat...GOOOOOOOAL!"

Todd: "Über shows why he has that name as he sends in a goal so beautiful the Bedistani defense seemed to just feel that it was wrong to try to challenge it. D2R evens the score at one apiece."

[39th minute]

Barry: "And it's chaos in the six-yard box as captain George Washburn goes sprawling onto the pitch, having seemingly been tripped by Jinforto."

Todd: "Jinforto's missed timing will earn him a yellow card as well as a penalty kick for the Lions. Also, it looks like Washburn will not be able to continue the game. Coach Mike Davidson signals for Darren Morlock, Jr. to take his place on the pitch."

Barry: "Morlock? Why him? Kyle Dean is a much more deserving candidate. Morlock's only on the national team thanks to the fame of his father. He's not national team material."

Todd: "Unlike you, Barry, I actually have ethics. I don't go insulting players behind their backs."

Barry: "At any rate, Thomas Mannheim steps up to the spot to take the penalty kick for Bedistan. Left, right, left, right, back, FORWARD and straight into the goal! Two-one!"

[halftime]

Barry: "We've reached the halfway point in this match, and the score is currently Bedistan two, one Dance 2 Revolution. Maybe the Revolutionaries should start playing football instead of dancing about all the time?"

Todd: "Well, you know, you do whatever you're best at. And that's why, as part of today's halftime entertainment, the D2R team has challenged the Bedistani team to have a go on the machines that are now being set up at midfield."

Barry: "Surely you're joking. Those machines are seventy years old*! They probably don't even work anymore."

Todd: "Au contraire. It looks like the first matchup will be Über against Alejandro Vantrease. They're choosing the song now."

Barry: "Ah, of course. My grandfather was an avid player back in his day, and he used to tell me all about it when he was a kid. And it seems they've selected one of his old favorites, MAX 300."

Todd: "They've both selected the hardest difficulty...is Alex getting in over his head here? I guess we'll find out."

Barry: "Well, they're both getting off to a great start, both Über and Vantrease having hit the first forty steps flawlessly. And...oh! Über just accidentally went forward instead of back. That's gonna cost him."

Todd: "Alex must have had some practice - he still hasn't scored below a perfect yet! Über's back up to speed, but that single miss could well decide it."

Barry: "The song's closing out, and...yes! Alejandro Vantrease has not only full-comboed the thing, it's a AAA! That single miss for Über ends up being the only thing separating victory from defeat."

Todd: "And there are cheers all around for Alex V, as he has just emerged victorious in one of the stranger halftime competitions in Bedistani football history."

Barry: "Ah, and speaking of Bedistani football history, something I noticed today."

Todd: "What was that, Barry?"

Barry: "I picked up a copy of the Bulls on Parade today on account of being kinda bored."

Todd: "Isn't that that new 'slavian sports publication?"

Barry: "Indeed it is. Anyway, it seems that world-famous Audioslavian sports reporter Jeremy Jaffacake has made a selection of what he believes to be the theoretical greatest football team in all of Audioslavian sports history, apparently incorporating players from around the world."

Todd: "And I'm guessing a couple Bedistani players made the list?"

Barry: "Nope. Not a single one."

Todd: "Really?"

Barry: "That's right. In sixty-five years of Bedistani football, the majority of which saw our nation ranked in the top ten and all but the first half-decade or so in the top twenty, apparently there has never been a single Bedistani player good enough to make this list."

Todd: "Who's on the list?"

Barry: "It looks like this; I'll show it to the folks at home too..."

1: GK: Gerry CHEEVERS (Dennisov)
2: RB: Lee BRANSON (Audioslavia)
3: LB: THUNK (Giant Zucchini)
4: CM: Mick MICKELSON (Lemmitania)
5: CB: Shagrukh the STRONGCLAW (Warnocks Wizards)
6: CB: Enzo AHAT (Vilita)
7: RW: Nina NONAAIA (Crystilakere)
8: CF: URK (Giant Zucchini)
9: CF: Alan BELMORE (The Belmore Family)
10:CF: Torrence BLACK (Oglethorpia)
11:LW: Syku LYKU (Rejistania)

Todd: "Well, there are some big names there. Cheevers, Branson, Mickelson, Urk, Belmore, SyLy..."

Barry: "Well, yeah, mostly. But then...who was Shagrukh the Strongclaw? Enzo Ahat? Nina Nonaaia?"

Todd: "Nonaaia was on the Crystilakere World-Cup-winning squad back in Nineteen."

Barry: "But apart from Nineteen, has Crystilakere ever done anything?"

Todd: "Well....no, I suppose not."

Barry: "And then there's Bedistan. We've qualified for the World Cup sixteen times in seventeen attempts. We've reached the knockout stages eleven times. Semifinals five times. Final twice. You can't do that without world-class players!"

Todd: "Yes, but..."

Barry: "Where is Olivia Bream on that list? Johnny Lewis? Darren Morlock? Claire Briscoe? Clinton Saravia? Nick Yu? Where is Nick Yu, for crying out loud?!?"

Todd: "Nick Yu's only claim to fame is that Cockbill Street despises him."

Barry: "That still counts! This Jaffacake guy gives us no respect!"

Todd: "Dude, calm down. It's just his opinion."

Barry: "His opinion sucks!"

Todd: "Right, anyway, it's time to start the second half."

[73rd minute]

Barry: "And DDR star Vantrease now takes control of the ball. Substitute defender Jiklintos looks like he couldn't care less, and...GOOOOOOOOAL! Third of the day for Bedistan, and D2R have a mountain to climb now. A nine-footer, if you will."

Todd: "Enough with the DDR references already."

Barry: "Hey, I'm just trying to liven up the game a bit."

[76th minute]

Barry: "And...yep, it's another goal. Two goals in four minutes for Bedistan, and at 4-1 I can't see them losing it now. Yep, sure enough, Davidson's signalling for the team to pull back into a Karela."

[end]

Barry: "There's the final whistle, and wow. Bedistan with a big upset, defeating higher-ranked D2R four goals to one. That's gonna be big, Todd."

Todd: "Yes, it is. Things are looking extremely good going into the final matchday."

Barry: "How so, Todd?"

Todd: "Put simply, if we beat Fmjphoenix, which on paper should be relatively easy, we're through. If we draw, we're also through, since it's impossible for both CS and D2R to win their match and we have the advantage in goal difference. The only question comes about if we lose. That won't mean anything for Fmjphoenix; they're already out, condemned to last place. If D2R beat CS, we're through as long as we don't lose by more goals than the Street. If CS beat D2R, we are for all intents and purposes through, as Fmjphoenix would have to defeat us by at least six, possibly more, to knock us out. However, if we lose and CS and D2R draw, we're out and those two are through on five points."

Barry: "So basically, don't lose and we're fine."

Todd: "Right. And if we do lose, pray for a Cockbill Street win or a D2R win that's bigger than our loss. Just not, under any circumstances, a draw."

Barry: "Excellent work. Thank you for playing...I mean, watching...and until next time, for Todd Bott and BSTV, I'm Barry Landry saying sayonara, sports fans."

* OOC note: in Bedistani terms, the current year is 2070.

A first time for everything

Squornshelous' undefeated run comes to a close against Svecia
A defensive struggle ended with the Pschychoes first loss of World Cup 21. Due to a complete lack of interesting highlights to report, we will instead, show you some postgame commentary by three sports analysts for Vogsphere University Radio, named Joe, Sam and Fred.

Joe: Umm, is this on?

Sam: I think so.

Fred: Erm, welcome to WVUA's postgame analysis, the Pschychoes are coming off their first loss.

Joe: Dammit.

Fred: I agree.

Sam: Me too. Anyway, the three of us noticed during the game, that we weren't scoring very much.

Fred: Did you just say that?

Sam: What did I say?

Joe: We were shut out dumbass! Of course there wasn't any scoring!

Sam: Well you don't have to get all mad about it.

Joe: Yes, yes I do! I have to get mad about it.

Fred: Shut up Joe.

Joe: No! I'm freaking pissed! We're third ranked in the world, our highest rank ever, and just as we get there, we lose.

Sam: Well look at Audioslavia man, they've been top 5 or 6 for who knows how long and they haven't got a cup yet.

Fred: Yeah, but we hate them, so we ignore their problems.

Joe: Yeah, we don't care.

Fred: Now, back to the Pschychoes, I think that our passing through the midfield was pretty weak, what about you guys.

Joe: I think that we sucked.

Fred: Come on dude, we're trying to have a radio show here.

Sam: No one wants to listen to you bitch about the loss, they want to hear intelligent commentary.

Joe: I'll give you some intelligent commentary

(At this point there was some noise, suggestive of a scuffle and then someone accidentally broke the transmitter, which will have to be replaced. As a consequence, WVUA will be off the air until a new transmitter can be purchased out of the school budget, but they should be back on in time for WC22)


Final Score:
Squornshelous 0-1 Svecia

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Gerrard: 8
Zikov: 7
Popov: 5
Arnesson: 4
Neese: 2

Group B Standings after Matchday 2:

Group B P W D L GF-GAPts
#3 Squornshelous 2 1 0 1 2-1 3
#35 Kylaai 1 1 0 0 2-1 3
#14 Svecia 2 1 0 1 2-2 3
#22 Commerce Heights 1 0 0 1 0-2 0

We do not yet know the result of the Commerce Heights - Kylaai game. We are hoping for a win by CH, but not by more than two goals. This would keep Squornshelous in first place, and with our final game coming against 35th ranekd Kylaai, we are still expecting to advance despite our loss.


Squornshelous' World Cup Schedule:
wins draws losses byes

MD01: Squornshelous 2-0 Five Civilized Nations Vogsphere Arena, Squornshelous
MD02: Bryn Shander 0-1 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 2-0 Nifty nick Throckmorton Park, Squornshelous
MD04: Bye
MD05: Squornshelous 0-0 Iansisle South Bend Stadium, Squornshelous
MD06: Fmjphoenix 1-3 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 5-2 The Belmore Family Xaxis Park, Squornshelous
MD08: Five Civilized Nations 1-1 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 3-0 Bryn Shander Striterax Stadium, Squornshelous
MD10: Nifty nick 1-2 Squornshelous
MD11: Bye
MD12: Iansisle 0-2 Squornshelous
MD13: Squornshelous 1-1 Fmjphoenix SMV Center, Squornshelous
MD14: The Belmore Family 0-2 Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous 2-0 Commerce Heights Thatcher Road, Cockbill Street
MD16: Squornshelous 0-1 Svecia Harewood Ground, Cockbill Street
MD17: Squornshelous vs Kylaai Roegrow Grass Patch, Cockbill Street


10-3-1

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

SQUORNSHELOUS UPSET BY SVECIA
Lightning increase record to 3-0 against Pschychoes

In a brief flurry of action, Tomas Kristiansand somehow found the back of the net around the 50th minute, ending Squornshelous´ unbeaten run, and giving the Lightning hope of, well, we dont want to jinx anything. So I think we´ll leave it at that.

Vilkauos warns of Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) Threat

Tropics of Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) Coach Helmut Vilkauos today spoke at a press conference outside the capital city of Cockbill Street, where his team is participating in the World Cup Finals.

Taking questions from the media, questioning the teams chances for defending the cup in their first attempt, Vilkauos said:

"I feel we have a better chance at this rare feat than most nations. No one will be taking us seriously, as we won the cup last season, and they will assume it's someone elses turn now. They do not know that we have some of the best facilities money can buy right here in Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita). We have a huge array of talent in the side, most likely due to the government ban on Baseball, all these kids grew up with the ball at their feet. We've been training hard since the last world cup, and our reserves are playing in the AOCAF where we expect little competition on the way to the Gold. We are as prepared as we will ever be, and I feel you soon will see that Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) is for real in World Cup XXI."

When asked about the Draw for the finals:

"Like I say, it doesn't much matter who we draw, We are happy to avoid nations such as Audioslavia and Rejistania on one hand, but on the other we relish the test that such high profile teams would bring. We will be looking at each team before each match with only one outlook, and that is to beat them. It's easy when you are the new champion, because you know the other side think you are a laugh, maybe doesn't field a full strength 11, and you get to run circles around them like it were an overload training session. I think we'll be just fine."


----------------

The Tropics of Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) Jungle Cats will be looking to defend the World Cup title in their first attempt after only recently winning the cup for the first time. The Jungle Cats are currently undefeated in the last 26 matches and look poised to add to that total in the upcoming group stage and knockout round matches. Their squad will consist of mostly young stars from the National league, with a few experienced veterans, from the days before baseball was outlawed in the Nation, to guide them on their way to Glory.
------------------

Guylain set to Leave Post
'Mutual Consent' sees Starblaydi Manager Depart

With two dismal performances in Lethislavania against South Osettia and Total n Utter Insanity, it wasn't long before the calls to 'sack the manager' rang out in the stadia seats, press rooms, and across the breakfast tables of Starbladyi citizens.

As of yet there is no word as to whether so-very-nearly-glorious Under-21 and Four Nations Invitational-Winning Manager Simeone Di Bradini could take office, though he has been reported as 'very happy' with the situation at his club side, Kiiraana City, where he shares responsibility with Jonathon Baledrokadroka.

Nikola "Laser" Lazerevski could also be in the frame for the job, and there's always the other Starblaydi Managers who abound in the World. Boaz Myhill at Corinthian Spirits, Ryan Garry at the Vics, Matt Higgins at Hersch Albion or perhaps even non-Starblaydi Tuade Lue of Iskara Daii.

Then again, could Jean-Paul Georges-Ringeaux be persuaded to come back? Having just lost two World Cup Finals matches of his own, J-P may be forced out of the Navy-Blues top job.

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
From best... to worst...

Jeremy Jaffacake supplemented his 'best XI' yesterday by naming his 'worst XI' today. We'll show the team in a second, but first, a few words from Jeremy Jaffacake on the 'best XI' list.

On the absense of Bedistani players

Jeremy: "Nick Yu was an overhyped twat"

On Syku Lyku being included

Jeremy: "Well i had to include one Rejistanian otherwise everyone would have a fit, but all their names sound so alike. Basically, pick any Rejistanian striker/winger and put them there, i couldn't care less.

And what about Simeoni Di Bradini?

Jeremy: Who?

Simeoni Di Bradini

Jeremy: Ah yes, the Sarzonian, well he didn't get on bec...

He's Starblaydian

Jeremy: Starblaydia? The bunch of pansies who play in lilac and white? The team who won that stupid 'four nations cup'? They want a player on the all-time list? Only winners go on the list sonny-jim

So why is there an Audioslavian there?

Jeremy: Umm... have you seen this list? Its the worst XI...

The Nationstates Worst XI

1: GK: Johnathon HAVELL (Cockbill Street)
2: CB: Trevor McDONALD (NEWI Cefn Druids)
3: CB: Jamac MUSE (Somalialand)
4: CM: Wrttrjfjdb NFGNKSRHHNVRNNVVNRVRYTYRTYTYTYRYTU (Aquilla)
5: CB: Kermit "The Frog" BRIBBETTE (Lovebug)
6: CM:Mr. MACHTERSTRASSEFURTERMORGANNACHTTUNGGUTSPRECHENBUCHLUNGWEIGHETVOLKSHVARGENSHTICKSHNOFF (Giant Zucchini)
7: RW: Roberto DI BRADINI (Starblaydia)
8: CF: Mocha DE LA ROCHA (Audioslavia)
9: CF: Alan BELLESS (Total 'n Utter Insanity)
10:CF: Nala EROMLEB (Spaam)
11:LW:Maritus BANDA (Turori)

Jeremy: Its mainly just the shit players, the shit copies of players, and the brothers of good players. Can't remember if 'Roberto' was Simeoni's brother's name, but i don't care. The only struggle was who to put in goal. NEWI Cefn Druids' Gareth Erg was almost there, as was Tenpast Ravya from Ravea. We also almost went for every goalkeeper in the history of Melmondian football, but decided against it.

There goes Jeremy again, g'nite bitches.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/logo.gif
Turori plays Tadjikistan.... Again...

-------------------For the 1,512,197,932th time in the past 2 days, Turori will square off against Tadjikistan in what will be yet another deciding match that will determine which of the teams will advance to the next round of competition.

-------------------The Eels are in this precarious position after failing to deal with One Red Dot after an impressive start against The Eagles Nest. Turori netted a trio of goals against the falling hosts of the Eels first ever World Cup attempt, and looked set to cruise to the second round of play. A draw against Tadjikistan should still be enough to see Turori to the second round at the expense of the loser of the Eagles Nest - One Red Dot match, however The Eels will certainly be pressing for all three points just to be sure, as they fight for their fourth consecutive Quarter Finals appearance and hope to boost their World Ranking to hopefully slide into the top 5 for the first time.

----------------------------------------
RESULTS AND OTHER INFORMATION
----------------------------------------


All Turori matches to be played in Cockbill Street (Unless Otherwise Noted)

Turori::[3-0]-The Eagles Nest
Turori::[0-1]- One Red Dot
Turori::[X-X]- Tadjikistan



--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/logo.gif
Banda Targets Audioslavia Date

-------------------Turori Eels Head Coach Mauritus Banda has targeted victory over Tadjikistan after recent media reports out of Audioslavia that listed the famed Turorian Striker amongst the Worst XI all time players. Banda feels he has been ungratefully singled out solely due to the fact that his younger brother happens to be the greatest Vilitan Forward of all time with like... a lot... of career goals. But Mauritus was very adament that his contributions in sport in Turori are still very important, as he helped put Turori on the map with their impressive World Cup 15 Qualifying run that saw the World Cup newcomers miss out on qualification only on the last day, after losing just once to active nations in their qualifying run, a feat unequaled by any rookie team since then. Banda has circled a potential meet up with Audioslavia later in the competition as the target for the Eels this cup, and Banda himself has declared he will come out of retirement and name himself in the squad should the two meet up, to prove his ability.

----------------------------------------
[COLOR=SandyBrown]RESULTS AND OTHER INFORMATION
----------------------------------------


All Turori matches to be played in Cockbill Street (Unless Otherwise Noted)

Turori::[3-0]-The Eagles Nest
Turori::[0-1]- One Red Dot
Turori::[X-X]- Tadjikistan



--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9
[/QUOTE]

Sam was getting nervous. The plane had now been air for over twenty-six hours, and it didn’t look like they’d be going down soon. Whatever the problem on the ground was, it must have been big…

***

“Captain, the object’s stopped flashing.”

“It has? Do we know what it is yet?”

“Yes. Apparently it’s a radio alarm clock.”

“A radio alarm clock.”

”Yes. One of the forward passengers said he’d dropped one and that it was black with a flashing LED in the middle.”

“So why did it stop flashing?”

“It ran out of battery.”

”You mean we’ve been up in the air for an additional hour and fifty-five minutes purely because of a battery-powered alarm clock!”

“That’s it, Captain.”

“Right, we’re landing NOW!”

***

“This is your captain speaking. The problem on the ground has finally been sorted out, and we’ve been cleared for landing. Hold on to your hats – this is going to be a little quicker than usual.” Sam did not like the sound of that.

***

“I’m gonna push the button.”

“You mean…”

“Yes…the big red button.” There were gasps from everybody in the cockpit, before the co-pilot spoke up.

“Er…what big red button?”

“Why, er…I mean…oh crap.”

“What?”

“There is no big red button, and we’ve only got three minutes worth of fuel left! We can never land in that time!” The stewardess stripped off her uniform to reveal a flight jacket.

“I happen to be a Sunday flier – I can land any plane from any height in two minutes fifty nine seconds.”

“Really? That’s quite a useful skill to have – who taught you?”

“A strange old man that lives in a bivouac in Starblaydia.”

“Excellent. Here, take complete control of this military aircraft before we plunge to our doom fifty thousand feet below.”

“Right – you go and tell the passenger in seat L56 that South Osettia just beat Lovisa 2-0.”

“They did?”

“Of course – South Osettia are the best team in the world!”

“They’re really not.”

“Oh…well go and tell him anyway. He might give us a big tip.”

***

A strange man with overly big ears was walking towards Sam.

“Who are you?”

“I’m the Captain.”

“You’re the Captain? Then who’s flying the plane?”

“The stewardess…obviously! Anyway, I just came out here to congratulate you and your football team on beating Lovisa 2-0 and getting through to the last sixteen of the World Cup.”

“What!” Sam jumped out of his chair.

“Please remain seated, sir.”

TBC

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Lethargic Lethis Slew by Slaves
Audioslavia one step closer to second round

Audioslavia continued the momentum that saw them sweep aside Iansisle and Nova Britannicus with a well-earned 2-0 win over hosts Lethisvania.

LETHISVANIA - AUDIOSLAVIA
Jorge 1 - 22 Celta
Dorscio 2 - 2 Colgan
Vor. Parincia 3 - 3 Carel
Var. Parincia 4 - 20 Battle
Karnesky 5 - 5 Johnstone
Peltier 6 - 6 Ceulemans
Lipsky 7 - 19 Jeroen
Boeing 8 - 11 Jansen
Rodriguez 9 - 10 Marriot
Karra 10 - 9 McLlroy
Johnson 11 - 17 Cesare

In a thrilling first half, both sides saw great oppotunities go begging. Cel Karra hit the post from eight yards for Lethisvania, with Rodriguez putting a golden opportunity past the post after being sent through on goal by a brilliant ball by Lipsky. At the other end, Jackie McLlroy was unfortunate to see a header go over the bar, and Taurxa Jeroen scuppered a shot from inside the six-yard box from a low cross from Jansen.

It was the 'slaves who broke the deadlock in the 41st minute, and from there started a small spell of pressure which would effectively kill off the game.

Marriot capitalised on a mistake by Dorscio as the defender tried to play the ball out of the danger area. In the blink of an eye the ball was smashed along the ground towards a crowded penalty area. A few deflections later it somehow fell to Pierre Cesare who scored his second goal of the world cup with an easy tap-in from four yards out.

It took Audioslavia just three minutes to double the score. Another cross from Marriot was picked out beautifully by Jack Battle on the edge of the box. The young midfielder smashed the ball past Jorge del Tigre Plato with a first-time effort to the goalie's left.

The quick lead affected the Lethisvanian's confidence going into the break, and they came out for the second half playing cautiously and rigidly, making scrappy errors which almost saw the 'slaves get their third goal through Jackie McLlroy, but the striker pulled his shot wide.

It didn't look good for Lethisvania, but some defensive substitutions by the 'slaves let them back into the game as Audioslavia's dropped back deeper and deeper. Still, the Lethisvania attacks were coming to nothing, until Thomas Boeing hit a jet of a shot from thirty yards, suprising everyone in the stadium. The ball zipped past a stationary Gabe Celta, who could only watch as it crashed down off the bar and back out for Johnstone to clear.

All of a sudden Lethisvania gained confidence and started proving why theyre nicknamed the 'fighting green'. Boeing almost scored again on eighty minutes from a corner, before a piece of play between Karra and Peltier opened up the 'slaves defence, only for Karra to skew his shot wide of the goal.

The 'slaves made their last substitution, taking off striker Pierre Cesare and replacing him with big centre-half Brogan Cairbre. With six players now at the back (Carel, Colgan, Cairbre, Ceulemans, Johnstone and another substitute, Anders Burn) the 'slaves finally began to contain the attacks. The Fighting Green still managed to have one more opportunity before the whistle, Karra again finding himself at the right place at the right time from a Lipsky cross, but his shot was again wayward and didn't trouble the Audioslavian goalkeeper.

FINAL SCORE
Lethisvania 0
Audioslavia 1 (Cesare 41, Battle 44)

Group H P W D L GF-GAPts
Audioslavia 2 2 0 0 4-0 6
Oaker 1 0 1 0 2-2 1
Lethislavania 2 0 1 1 2-4 1
Nova Britannicus 1 0 0 1 0-2 0

The 'slaves could be guaranteed top spot tonight if Oaker manage to hold Nova Britannicus to a draw in the other group H game. Their position is certainly strong going into matchday three. Whatever the scores in the next few games, a 'slavian draw against Oaker would see them through in top spot.

G'nite bitches.

Unnamed helper: "There there, sir. It wasn't all that bad, was it?"

President Smith: "Have you seen what they're saying about me?"

*He hands his unnamed helper a copy of the Daily Druid with the headline "PRESIDENT NUMPTY".*

President Smith: "The worst part is, I don't even know what a numpty is!"

Unnamed helper: "Now now, sir, there's no need to get downhearted about all this. It doesn't bring you across as a very strong leader now, does it?"

President Smith: "No, I... guess it doesn't."

Unnamed helper: "Right. So you're coming now so we can do the Spurland game, yes?"

President Smith: "Well actually, I'm feeling a little bit under the weather, so I'll..."

Unnamed helper: "Ah, stop making excuses! Come on!"

President Smith: "But no, really, I..."

*Unnamed helper drags him along with him out of the hotel room door.*

* * * * * * * * * *

Unnamed helper: "We're here on time this time. President doesn't seem to keen after what the papers have written about him. Says he was ill this morning, but I don't believe him. Bit of a lame excuse, really."

Producer: "Er, quite. Well, just sit him down over there. We'll tell him a bit more about it than we could last time, give him some tips, that kind of thing."

Unnamed helper: "OK."

* * * * * * * * * *

Bill Posters: "Welcome once again to DruidSports' coverage of Druida's progress at World Cup 21, with me again is President Smith. Now I know he wasn't too popular with you all at home after last time, but he was thrown straight in at the deep end. Now he's been practicing, so welcome him back with open arms... well, at least an open mind, anyway. Mr President, would you like to read out the teams?"

President Smith: "Not really."

Bill Posters: "Ah, come on, I've just built your part up!"

President Smith: "I know, but I really don't feel all that good."

Bill Posters: "Oh, OK, well Druida are unchanged from the Vilita game, Edwards in goal..."

* * * * * * * * * *

Bill Posters: "I just don't believe it! A misdirected Spurland shot hitting Horace Orange full in the face and into the back of the net! And just three minutes in, too!"

President Smith: "Not good. Not good at aaaaargh!"

Bill Posters: "Not good at aaaaargh? You mean at all? Mr President? Sir? Are you alright?... Well, folks, the sight of Spurland taking the lead appears to have been too much for our President here, he has just collapsed on me, someone better ring an ambulance. Meanwhile, it's Druida nil, Spurland one!

* * * * * * * * * *

After the game...

Producer: "When I said after the last match, we need to get rid of him, I didn't mean like that."

Bill Posters: "Well, I don't know what happened."

Producer: "Well, someone's letting on less than they know, and it's not me."

Bill Posters: "And it's not me..."

* * * * * * * * * *

Meanwhile, in hospital...

Unnamed helper: "There there, you'll be alright..."

President Smith: "What... happened...?"

Unnamed helper: "You passed out. You'll be alright now, though."

President Smith: "I will? Oh, good."

Unnamed helper: "Now, you're going to have to stay in here for a few days while they do some tests. You don't have to keep doing all the commentating any more."

President Smith: "Oh, that's good."

Unnamed helper: "So now Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po is going to work in the intelligence service, and the intelligence sedrvice will work here in commentry."

President Smith: "Oh good. And the game?"

Unnamed helper: "1-1, sir. Lucky own goal near the end kept us in it. Means we must beat EL... sorry, El Cid to stay in."

President Smith: "OK. thank you."

Shark Attack

Stadium: Pinealla International Stadium

Roster:

Carrin Oaker (GK), Torry Oaker (GK), Stef Oaker (D), Gray Oaker (D), Mitel Oaker (D), Orion Oaker (D), Tabby Oaker (D), Freddy Oaker (M), Sport Oaker (M), Venus Oaker (M), Arthin Oaker (M), Kelvin Oaker (M), Raven Oaker (M), Flash Oaker (F), Tip Oaker (F), Cats Oaker (F), Pond Oaker (F)


Sharks close in on Second Round

The Oaker Sharks are just one game away from a historic appearance in the second round of the World Cup finals. Unfortunately for the Sharks, they must overcome Audioslavia to get there, or hope that the slaves do not beat them too badly so Oaker can keep a goal differential that is better then Lethislavanias. This situation could have been avoided had the sharks beaten Lethislavania in the first match but despite a pair of goals from Flash Oaker, the sharks could only manage a draw.

But the Sharks showed they were for real by claiming victory over Nova Britannicus thanks to goals from Flash Oaker and a game winning header from Orion Oaker. The sharks are second in the Group H table right now with 4 points. If Oaker can manage a victory over Audioslavia, they would finish first place in the group which would be an amazing achievement. But most sharks fans are just hoping for a draw which would safely see both teams into the next round. Letters have already been drafted to the Audioslavian head coach, describing Oaker's situation and putting emphasis on the fact that Oaker was able to ensure that Audioslavia was safe to advance, in the hopes that the Slaves would ease up on our boys and help us to reach the next round as well.


Group H P W D L GF-GAPts
Audioslavia 2 2 0 0 4-0 6
Oaker 2 1 1 0 4-3 4
Lethislavania 2 0 1 1 2-4 1
Nova Britannicus 2 0 0 2 1-4 0

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif
Late Strike sees Jungle Cats atop Group A
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
89' Riccardo Appolloni
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

-------------------Riccardo Appolloni netted just minutes from full time to give Vilita a much needed 1-0 victory over EL CID THE HERO which gives them some breathing room in Group A. Had Appolloni's effort not gone through, EL CID would have topped the table with 4 points, leaving Vilita and Druida and 2 points and Spurland on 1. However, Appolloni's strike all but clears the way for Vilita to advance through to the second round, barring a multiple goal defeat to Spurland. The Jungle Cats enjoy a four-goal differential advantage over the beer drinkers and are not expected to lose the match. If they do, only one of EL CID THE HERO or Druida could surpass Vilita, as the two teams play each other. If Vilita lose, and EL CID THE HERO and Druida draw, then that will see 3 teams level on four points, with Druida left out in the cold on 3 points. This would be an unfavorable situation, depending on the score of the Vilita-Spurland match, one of those two teams would be going home despite being level for first place in the group.


Full Time Analysis:

Vilita

Best Player: Ricky Ezis
Worst Player: Niccoló Mazzeo
Shots on Target: 1
Corner Kicks: 2

Opponents

Best Player:
Worst Player:
Shots on Target: 0
Corner Kicks: 0


http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/teamsheet.gif
Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Ricky Ezis, [D] Niccoló Mazzeo, [D] Andrea Lamberti, [DMC] Christian Sanou, [ML] Antonis Siazzu, [MC] Jacques Vintila, [MC] Maurizio Sala, [MR] Inaki Soler, [FC] Riccardo Appolloni, [FC] Callum Banda,
BENCH::
[FC] Serge DuPont, [FC] Mauro Baraza, [M] Santo Kecker, [M] Tanner Nerni, [U] Jonjo Hulyer, [D] Ade Hinds, [GK] Delain Falcón,

Vilita Substitutions::
(40) - Niccoló Mazzeo >>> Santo Kecker
(45) - Ricky Ezis >>> Ade Hinds

The Daily Druid

ONLY ONE DRUID MAKES LIST!
By Bill Posters

There was outrage across the Druidish Lands last night as only one player from these lands made Audioslavian pundit Jeremy Jaffacake's "Worst Ever XI" list. Only Cali Purples defender Trevor McDonald, currently 'playing' in the AOCAF tournament in South Osettia, made it onto the list. Former shotflapper Gareth Erg also made it close, though.

"Trevor's not that bad," said McDonald's brother Roland shortly after seeing the list. "Well, he had a couple of good games once. But where's Ron Lambealle? He was almost as bad, maybe even worse. And don't get me started on Bjorn-Trevor Frederiksson! That guy only ever seemed to score off his backside. Freak!"

And there's so many more! But then, I suppose it is only fair we give other people a chance at being absolutely hopelessly pathetic. And on the plus side, the two Zucchinis who were claimed to be playing for Druida around World Cup 18, Thunk and Urk, both made Jaffacakes' "best of" list. We'd like to think that their spells in Druida helped them to that, and weren't downsides to two otherwise strong careers.

Meanwhile, here's our worst-ever Druids eleven...

1. Gareth Erg (GK, WC12-14) - The worst of a bad bunch throughout Druid football history, the half-Abysmali was supposed to keep goals out. Unfortunately, he seemed more Abysmali than Druid, and acted as if he was paid to let goals in.

2. Trevor Griffiths (LB, WC15-17) - Came in to replace the hugely influencial Trevor Kallins, who took over as joint-team manager. Was never as good.

3. Trevor Phillipson (RB, WC13-16) - A mainstay in the Druids team for many years, the number of cock ups Phillipson made could be counted on one hand. If you counted the individual wrinkles that make up each knuckle.

4. Yvan Trevor (CM, WC11-13) - How Yvan here made the first team is anyone's guess. Though at the time, I guess anyone would've made the first team.

5. Ron Lambealle (CB, WC13-17) - Was a good partner to Amos Hinton at the back at times, but only because it allowed Hinton to show off how good he was making up for this duddering idiot.

6. Trevor McDonald (CB, WC16-20) - Again, another defender great in a partnership, completely useless on his own, many people still believe he only made it because of his brother. And they were probably right.

7. Trevor Jones (RM, WC13-17) - The right of midfield is somewhere the that Druid teams have always been strong, hence only a second choice player making the list.

8. Trevor Leyghton (CM, WC12-15) - Made quite possibly the worst central midfield first-choice partnership in international history with Yvan Trevor. Let's just say it wasn't pretty to watch.

9. Trevor Law (CF, WC15-21) - Scored on his debut aged 12 (that's right, 12!) against Europa Britannia, eventually dropped after what seems like forever in the first team without ever really making a significant impact. Hell, he's still in the squad now, don't we have anyone else apart from this 36-year-old boy?

10. Bjorn-Trevor Frederiksson (CF, WC11-15) - The daddy of all Druid strikers, BTF was memorably awful when being awful for the Druids was commonplace. Once scored a hat-trick against Gaddland without realising it, which kind of says it all, really.

11. Trevor Collins (LM, WC15-18) - Eternally a Druids substitute, simply because when he did actually play, he was never quite up to scratch.

Vikings take tough 2-0 loss against hosts, banished to last in group

Fmjphoenix's first apperence in the finals will not be a full success story, as they have been eliminated from a chance to make the quarter finals as Cockbill Street defeated tha Vikings 2-0.

Even though the Vikings have been eliminated, there is still much hope coming up. They still have a match against Bedistan, the only team they have played before out of the group. Those matches totaled a win and loss of 2-1 and 0-1. Reports are predicting an upset by the Vikings, and Fmjphoenix is hoping their expierence against the Lions will help them gain some points and provide some great foundation for World Cup XXII.

Despite the news of iminante elimination, Fmjphoenix is estatic with the victory of the Junior Vikings in the Under 21 World Cup 14 as they won the first championship for Fmjphoenix. It shows the future of Fmjphoenix is looking bright. But in any event, look for the Vikings to play there best against Bedistan, as they look to show that they are still a threat, even when it won't help.

Fmjphoenix Qualification Run:
MD01: --Bye--
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Five Civilized Nations Draw 2-2
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Bryn Shander Win 1-0
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Nifty Nick Win 4-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ The Belmore Family Draw 2-2
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Squornshelous Lose 1-3
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Iansisle Draw 1-1
MD08: --Bye--
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Five Civilized Nations Win 1-0
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Bryn Shander Win 4-1
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Nifty Nick Win 5-0
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs The Belmore Family Win 1-0
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Squornshelous Draw 1-1
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Iansisle Lose 0-1
MD15: Fmjphoenix vs Dance 2 Revolution Lose 0-1
MD16: Fmjphoenix vs Cockbill Street Lose 0-2
MD17: Fmjphoenix vs Bedistan ????
Record: 6-4-4

ST: Hejida listeners, this is Sirake Tekim and you are listening to Radio RejisCAST - more exactly to:

Jingle: Live from the cup with Sirake Tekim and Kansu Siki!

ST: Live from the match against The Lowland Clans, to be exact. We are now with 100% more jingle! Hejida Kansu!

KS: 'jida, math-abuser.

ST: I am abusing maths? You are in your expense bills.

KS: We had no jingle in all previous reports this qualifiers and this cup, now we have one, that is not: "100% more jingle"!

ST: Jih~se... If our current jingle count is 100%, then we do have a 100% increase.

KS: I don't want to see you working in a company - ever!

ST: Why?

KS: You would be promoted to do the balances and I shudder to think what you do to them...

ST: Then you give me some names and numbers...

KS: names and numbers?

ST: like formations and line-ups.

KS: Oh, that stuff, wait a moment... *noises are heard, through the noises and in Rejistanian* Elin, is it working?

Elin Ri: (quiet and in rejistanian too) v..., let me try something, Veka!

KS: (in English again) Okay, rosters are loading, gimme a moment to load 'em. xe'sydi!

ST: Greet Elin from here!

KS: Elin, greetings from KaMaRi!

ER: (mumbles)

KS: Greetings from Elin to you and our listeners. Here is our Orange-Blue lineup: Jana I Y in goal, Sayiji Hija, Sasijilvenku "Sasi" Dikelesinivetisaru, Sijili Nj and Jese Eti~l are in the defense, Asaru Ji, Vikax Xeki~l, Hekit Tana and Hitu Myjutes are in the midfield this time, Jiujia Makae and Jariakeledema Ky-Inidiviayu are the forwards.

ST: Why is Jana I Y playing? Is Hexatux insane?

KS: No... let's say that Jari~n Suni is not able to play...

ST: Why?

KS: He wanted to fight his hurting teeth with a suppository - and swallowed it...

ST: Oops. Not the best method...

KS: Indeed. That way I Y'he gets some World Cup experience. Now for the roster of The Lowland Clans... (connection breaks down)

ST: Kansu? Kansu! This disconnect is brought to you by Elin Ri!

ER: Don't take my name in vain! The software decided to go to the coast and watch the waves... I workarounded as much as possible.

ST: "Workarounded" is no word!

ER: But it should be! It is all I do here!

ST: Give me Kansu!

KS: back again... weird software error, we had there. 404 on mind altering drugs! Elin, did you store your dope in the PC?

ER: Ve, I mean, yes... is that a problem?

KS: It is... put it somewhere else, now! I have no idea how the drug laws in Lethislavania are.

ER: Ve... (connection breaks down)

(6th minute)
KS: Back again, and trailing already. Somebloke headed the ball past our unexperienced stand-in keeper just seconds ago... 0:1

ST: and you already stopped swearing?

KS: I asked Elin to restablish the conncetion after I finished...

(37th minute)
KS: That is Makae'he, e wins the running duels against Someotherbloke, he is in good position, XXXXXXXXKKKKKKOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(90th minute)
KS: This second half was pretty eventless, no team had really urgent chances, Hexatux, please re-think your strategy, this time, the Orange-Blues played only substandard.

ST: But at least not lost!

KS: We do want to win the cup a fourth time?

ST: Yeah...

KS: Then we should emphasis on winning instead of not-losing! Anyways, back to KaMaRi!

Stars must get TLC to shine

With The Lowland Clans and Rejistania playing to a 1-1 draw while the Sarzonian footballers earned their first-ever World Cup Finals win over Nonesuch Street, the Stars are in an unfamiliar position heading into the final match of the group stage of World Cup XXI: Win and they're in.

"This is the best we can hope for as far as position," Coach Dave Wilson said. "Ideally you'd love to have already clinched a spot in the knockout stages, but at least we're not waiting and hoping someone else will do our jobs for us this time."

If the Stars earn their second victory in three matches against The Lowland Clans in tomorrow night's match, they are in no matter what happens between Rejistania and Nonesuch Street. If the Stars lose, they're out. If the Stars play to a draw, the Stars would need Rejistania to lose by at least three goals to edge into the knockouts. A win or draw by the Orange Blues would send the Stars home.

"The best thing we can do is take care of ourselves," midfielder Darwin Russell said. "We can't go in with our eyes wide [in awe]. We've got to get at it."

With the team not facing Melmond in the final match of group play, some fans are optimistic that they can pull off the win.

"We can take those guys," accountant Chris Blundin, 34, from Portland said. "We took four of a possible six points against them in qualifying."

Others are more cautious.

"They're a damn good team and they're probably itching for revenge," maintenance engineer Colin Doby said. "Our guys are going to have to leave it all out on the pitch for us to get past them again."

Even if the Stars fail to advance past the group stage for the third straight World Cup, the team is optimistic about its progress in each of the past three World Cups.

"We've gone one, two, three [standings points]," Wilson joked. "Maybe we'll win the Cup in another 100 years. In all seriousness, though, the more you play football at the highest level, the better you'll get and the greater our expectations will be in the future. We can still get better."

Crystils in deep, one match to play

It doesn't look like a repeat of the miracle World Cup 19 run for the Crystilakere Crystils, who seem to be having trouble keeping their once spotless defence in line. New goalkeeper Alwalsi Tystrup is giving up too many careless goals, throwing away 2 points against Liverpool England by practically throwing the ball into his own net late in the match, and then being responsible for both Eauz goals in the Crystils matchday 2 defeat to the two time World Cup Champions. The Crystils can hope for a large victory on matchday three to give them a shot at qualification, but from the looks of things, Tystrup will have an extra long summer to improve those basic skills and prepare himself for World Cup 22.

Krytenia downed 2-1, Terminators face possible Bedistan tie

The Liverpool England Terminators are facing a possible second-round tie against old-time rivals Bedistan (record 4-1-3) after they managed to grab a 2-1 win in Cockbill Street against Krytenia.

Krytenia are in third place, three points behind the Terminators. Here are some possible scenarios on Matchday 3:

Pos Team P W D L F A Pts
1 EAUZ 2 1 1 0 3 1 4
2 LEN 2 1 1 0 4 3 4
3 KRYT 2 0 1 1 2 3 1
4 CRYS 2 0 1 1 2 4 1

Eauz v Liverpool England; Krytenia v Crystilakere
Eauz win, Krytenia win (1 goal margin, both games): Eauz 1st, Liverpool England 2nd
Eauz win, Krytenia win (both games more than 2 goal margin): Eauz 1st, Krytenia 2nd
Double draw: No change in tables
Eauz win, Crystilakere win: Eauz 1st, Liverpool England 2nd unless Crystilakere manage a 3-goal margin
Liverpool England win, Krytenia win: Liverpool England 1st, Eauz 2nd unless Krytenia's win margin greater than Liverpool England's win margin
Liverpool England win, Crystilakere win: Probably Liverpool England 1st, Eauz 2nd

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Romanov Avoids Matchfixing Scandal

Audioslavia head coah Didi Romanov has quashed rumours that he will adhere to an Oaker request for the 'slaves to try for a draw against the Sharks.

Letters have already been drafted to the Audioslavian head coach, describing Oaker's situation and putting emphasis on the fact that Oaker was able to ensure that Audioslavia was safe to advance, in the hopes that the Slaves would ease up on our boys and help us to reach the next round as well.


Didi has been quoted as saying he would "never try and screw another nation" in the world cup "unless we're playing against them".

Didi has admitted however, that he will be making changes for the game to save some of his first team line up. The first eleven for both teams is expected to be:

OAKER - AUDIOSLAVIA
Oaker 1 12 Walsh
Oaker 2 2 Colgan
Oaker 3 3 Carel
Oaker 4 4 Crevan
Oaker 5 5 Johnstone
Oaker 6 15 Cairbre
Oaker 7 21 Rijsbergen
Oaker 8 13 Torrini
Oaker 9 14 Araxie
Oaker 10 18 Bull
Oaker 11 17 Cesare

Although the Audioslavian team includes no fewer than seven players not currently in the first eleven, the drafted players Crevan, Araxie, Walsh and Rijsbergen all played a part in one or both of Audioslavia's recent world cup final matches.

A win against the Oaker Sharks will be important if the 'slaves want to continue the momentum they've gathered in recent matches. It won't be easy though, Oaker have been the most impressive team out of the other three, the two goals they hit against Lethisvania were alarmingly well-worked, and for long periods of the game against Nova Britannicus they never gave the Novans so much as a look at the ball.

Group H P W D L GF-GAPts
Audioslavia 2 2 0 0 4-0 6
Oaker 2 1 1 0 4-3 4
Lethislavania 2 0 1 1 2-4 1
Nova Britannicus 2 0 0 2 1-4 0

That Oaker win dumped Nova Britannicus - who many Audioslavian pundits tipped as favourites for the group - out of the world cup after only two games. They'll be playing for pride against Lethisvania, but as the table shows, the fighting green still have a fighting chance of qualification, albiet a slight one. A 2-0 win for Lethisvania - which they should be more than capable of seeing as they are playing in front of their home supporters and will be desperate for at least a win - will put Lethisvania through should Audioslavia beat Oaker 2-0. A 'slave 1-0 victory against the Sharks however will see a very interesting event occur. Should that happen, Oaker and Lethisvania would be placed as so:Lethislavania 2 1 1 1 4-4 4
Oaker 2 1 1 1 4-4 4
This means that there would have to be some sort of playoff between the two sides. The same would happen if Audioslavia win 2-1 and Lethisvania win 3-1, and ect.

Whatever the case, Lethisvania know that all they can do is get a win against Nova Britannicus. Oaker know that if they can avoid defeat, they will definately go through.

The 'slaves know that they've done enough to get to round two of the tournament. Its now been sixteen years since they were last eliminated in the second round, a point in the competition which had jinxed countless other Audioslavian teams. The nation will be rooting for them.

G'nite bitches.

the following actions happened between the hours of 8pm and 9pm.

Doomhammer is at the ECFA Discussion desk with a handful of notes about the world cup. A mob of the press is on the other side of the desk with notepads and cameras. The news conference is about to begin.

DH: Ok. you all know the drill, 2 questions on the WC. 2 on football in general and 1 on anything at all. Whose first.

FW: Fred Walker El Cid TV. With the lose against Vilita and Druida just behind us how would you rate the lions chances?

DH: I think their good. Spurland is what we know as GWB, or group whipping boy. Their out and Vilita are through without a doubt. IM never complacent but the fact that we defeated them 2-0 in the last WC gives me confidence. Next question.

AS: Andy Simson the peoples paper. if we make it out of the Group stage how far can the lions go?

DH: we got to the round of 16 last time. I believe we can do better than that. I can't however say how close the Glass ceiling is. Next.

JV: John Victs the compact. With Dent reaching the end of his prime will you replacing him as capatain soon?

DH: decisions will be made. but will not be made hear or now. that the only awancer i will give. number 4 please.

HH: Hennery Ome the sunp. Can you go on forever?

DH: I will not answer questions about my retirement! I am NOT retiring yet!

LG: Levi Gine heat. How do you keep your hair so dandruff free?

DH: Head and shoulders. It gets rid of 100% of flakes. It head and shoulders above the rest [/blatant plug]. That all the questions I will be answering today. See you all soon.

Play-off Stadium Schedule:

Second Round:

A1 v B2 - K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh
A2 v B1 - Roegrow Grass Patch
C1 v D2 - Vimesbairn National Stadium
C2 v D1 - Jotneheim Park
E1 v F2 - Tarrevultis Stadium
E2 v F1 - Leninstan Minor
G1 v H2 - Leninstan Major Twin Arena 1
G2 v H1 - Leninstan Major Twin Arena 2

Quarter-finals:

QF 1: A1/B2 v C1/D2 - Vimesbairn National Stadium
QF 2: A2/B1 v C2/D1 - Northset County Cricket Ground
QF 3: E1/F2 v G1/H2 - Leninstan Minor
QF 4: E2/F1 v G2/H1 - Tarrevultis Stadium

Semi-finals:

QF 1 v QF 2 - Vimesbairn Cricket Ground
QF 3 v QF 4 - Leninstan Major Twin Arena 1

Third place play-off:

Loser SF 1 v Loser SF 2 - Vimesbairn National Stadium

Final:

Winner SF 1 v Winner SF 2 - Leninstan Major Twin Arena 2

The new Aeropag Tribune—Higher prices, less content!

Sports Section: Page 29Q
Capitalizt Soccer On The Edge Twice
COCKBILL STREET—It all started on a warm morning last year. Over 173000 fans packed the CDA National Stadium to watch the Capitalizts blow out Sjwitz. They got what they expected, a massive win. But the goal conceded planted the first seeds of doubt in the team. It’s gone mostly uphill from there:

Qualifying Matchday 1
Commerce Heights 5–1 Sjwitz
Not a surprising win.

Qualifying Matchday 2
Gibberovia 0–0 Commerce Heights
This draw caused many fans to realize what the team has become since their spectacular WC15 run. We can’t even beat n00bs anymore?

Qualifying Matchday 4
Talzeckia 0–2 Commerce Heights
A morale-boosting defeat of a nation somehow (we aren’t sure how) related to long-time rivals Sarzonia. Without it, the next match could have been much worse.

Qualifying Matchday 5
Eauz 3–2 Commerce Heights
The second time in recent history that a perfect record has been tarnished (the last being EL CID THE HERO in WC19, who were 0–0–4 0:11 against the Bulldogs/Capitalizts until their surprising victory). Many people lost large quantities of simoleons thanks to this unfortunate loss to the team that is unquestionably the Capitalizts’ most-hated enemy.

Qualifying Matchday 6
The Eagles Nest 2–0 Commerce Heights
The team had been away from home for a while, and couldn’t afford good enough accomodations to research this team that was relatively unknown in Capitalizt soccer. After 90 intense minutes, they were disappointed by their findings.

Qualifying Matchday 7
Commerce Heights 0–0 Slaikau
Like the Gibberovia game, this match should have been an easy win. But Slaikau played almost as well as Kaze Progressa—though we’re still not sure that they aren’t some strange new kind of puppet of the Progressans.

Qualifying Matchday 8
Sjwitz 1–2 Commerce Heights
The demoralized Capitailzts hadn’t won the last 3 games, and couldn’t pull off a win of the same magnitude as matchday 1. They were barely able to take the lead in the late game, especially since many of the people that used to travel across the world to see the Capitalizts were laying on the couch at home, watching Karela Lines on their television.

Qualifying Matchday 9
Commerce Heights 3–0 Gibberovia
The team finally gets the win they wanted on the first leg, and manages 2 consecutive wins for the first time in qualifying.

Qualifying Matchday 11
Commerce Heights 4–1 Talzeckia
Three consecutive wins, one against a rival? After an amazing hat-trick by Howard Biddle, team spirit reached its peak.

Qualifying Matchday 12
Commerce Heighst 2–2 Eauz
The team and the fans went in to this game confident, and came out mildly depressed. They took comfort in their continued ability to brag about “pwning” (Aquillaspeak for owning) Eauz with a 3–1–1 record.

Qualifying Matchday 13
Commerce Heights 2–0 The Eagles Nest
The Capitalizts played a very defensive game, hoping to do some damage control, but ended up with more than they had hoped for. A design flaw in the Magical Camera of RP™ allowed goalie Marcus Bray to score two goals due to a strange convention in Capitalizt formation drawing, which uses the goalie slot of a standard 4–4–2 formation as an extra defender and the extra forward slot as the goalie to represent a 5–4–1.

Qualifying Matchday 14
Slaikau 2–1 Commerce Heights
After seeing Eauz draw their tough final match against The Eagles Nest, the Capitalizts hoped for the expected win against Slaikau to boost them above Eauz and into an automatic qualification spot. However, the quasi-Progressans had something else in mind, and the late goal by the Capitalizts turned out to be futile.

After these 12 matches, the Capitalizts finished behind The Eagles Nest and Eauz, forcing them to compete for a first-round slot against typo Jeruselem.

Playoff Matchday 1
Jeruselem 0–1 Commerce Heights
Like the first match against The Eagles Nest, the Capitalizts were entirely uncertain of how Jeruselem would perform. But unlike the TEN match, they easily outperformed their opponents, and the score did not represent the extent of their dominance.

Playoff Matchday 2
Commerce Heights 2–1 Jeruselem
Since the match was unexpected, arrangements could not be made with the management of CDA National Stadium, so the game was played at the run-down Anaphase Alchemy Stadium in Sonoma Center. The lack of spectators did noticably hurt the Capitalizts’ performance, but they still managed a win, securing their place in the first round for the tenth consecutive Cup.

First Round Matchday 1
Squornshelous 2–0 Commerce Heights
Another perfect record was ruined as the Capitalizts fell to 1–0–1 against Squornshelous (the Vilitans will tell you that we are 0–1–1, because the win was the penalty shootout for the World Cup 15 championship, but we can safely ignore them). For some unknown reason, coach Redner had a very low expectation of his opponent, and played an interesting, though incomprehensible, 2–6–2 formation.

First Round Matchday 2
Commerce Heights 2–0 Kylaai
This unknown team, unlike their relatives Lykaia, was no match for the skillful bribes that got the Capitalizts their first win of the group stage.

First Round Matchday 3
Commerce Heights 2–2 Svecia
Unlike the teams’ World Cup 19 matches, in which insane mechanical failures caused a wacky 1–0 away win for the Capitalizts and a 4–0 away win for the Lightning, this critical game was relatively controlled. The Capitalizts made an excellent performance at midfield, while the Lightning dominated just about everything else. Neither team had any idea what problems they would cause.

The final game gave the Capitalizts a tie for 2nd in the group standings with Svecia. Because the two teams drew in their head-to-head match, the relevant Streetian and Lethislavanian organizations are working with WCC president Jenji Y to make a sensible decision regarding this situation. But most Capitalizts would say, “What’s up with this slani bureaucratic nonsense? What the slani hell is wrong with a slani playoff?”

Strike Birds Through to Rof16?


"Birds won today."

"Won what?"

"Their match today in the World Cup"

"World Cup of what?"

"Soccer you fool."

"Oh, is that good?"

"Well they won two...wait let me get that table....."


Group G P W D L GF-GAPts
One Red Dot 2 1 1 0 2-1 4
Turori 2 1 0 1 3-1 3
The Eagles Nest 2 1 0 1 1-3 3
Tadjikistan 2 0 1 1 1-2 1 E


From today's paper. actually Tadjik wasn't eliminated, as they could have beaten Turori and ORD beat us, they would have went on, anyway, irrelevant, well, maybe not....look, with the 2-0 win over ORD today....


Group G P W D L GF-GAPts
The Eagles Nest 3 2 0 1 3-3 6 Q
One Red Dot 3 1 1 1 2-3 4
Turori 2 1 0 1 3-1 3
Tadjikistan 2 0 1 1 1-2 1


If Tadjik wins.....they'd have to have a positive GD in that game, added to the -1 would make it zero, or positive, better then ORD's. hmm, they would be through. interesting.

"So?"

"If Tadjik wins, then Turori is out"

"Is that a good thing?"

"They beat the Birds 3-0"

"oh. What is tadjik's mascot?"

"Who knows. Oh well, we'll see who goes through."

"Through to where?"

*Sigh* "Never mind."

Vikings end finals on good note, but team will have changes to go through

Green and blue dominated the pitch and the seats. But it was not all for one squad, as both Fmjphoenix and Bedistan wera green and blue. But it was the green and blue from Fmjphoenix that was running the show today, as the Vikings played their hardest in the final match. Despite not having a chance to qualify, they still went at their all. The result was a 3-0 shalaking of Bedistan which may hurt Bedistan's chances of going on to the round of 16.

With a full stadium in town, the match started off fast. Vanessa Carpenter was coming up and challenged by Wei Zeng, but she kicked the ball up and lept forward and recieved her own pass over Zeng. She took the first shot, but it was cleared by Powell Lamar. After a few minutes, the Vikings were coming close with Mike Nolan and Jorge Mendel up front. A cross from Mendel lead to a goal by Nolan at the 17th minute. The Lions came back up looking for an equalizer. George Washburn was preparing to take a shot, but a challenge by Bobby Bash led to a yellow card. The penalty was on target, but Lamar was was right there with Washburn and deflected the shot back. The got pretty boring from there, as both teams just went back and forth. No shots were taken until the 41st minute when Mendel made a hook shot that went over Tara Pullman's attempt to block it with her head and past the outstretched hands of Nick Reagan. The half ended with the Vikings comfortably ahead of Bedistan 2-0.

The second half saw Bedistan throwing everything they had against Fmjphoenix. Even a kitchen sink was tossed and landed a few feet away from Powell Lamar. Despite the sink, the Vikings were soaking everything that the Lions threw at them. Carpenter and Washburn took 5 shots in the space of 5 minutes, but they could not get any of them past Lamar. He looked like a man possesed. He saved 4 of the shots before catching the final one and waiting a couple of seconds before he rolled it into Tra Miranda. Late in the match, Larry Brown provided even more cushin, beating out Wes Lipinski to a loose ball and turning it into another goal with the strike in the 78th minute. Bedistan looked tired and unable to go on. The final minutes were spent with Fmjphoenix playing keep away from Bedistan to ensure the victory. Man of the match went to Powell Lamar with an unbelievable 9 saves and a clean sheet.

What does this win signify? Well it means a lot of things to Fmjphoenix, but most importantly, it may have caused elimination of Bedistan from the round of 16. You know Lions fans are waiting for the results in their favor. But this means a lot for the Vikings. First and formost, it signifies the end of the Vikings run in World Cup XXI. They now head home to prepare for the next cup. Sadly it also means the retirement of Esteban Zeus. As he will be turning 36 soon, he feels that it is time for him to end. There will be a more formal conference when the team returns to Fmjphoenix. The final thing is what was announced in Fmjphoenix following the previous loss to Cockbill Street, and that is that Coach Wash will be let go at the end of the WCXXI. It is not official yet, but is expected to be announced when the team returns to Fmjphoenix. The FAF is taking open applications for the position. Telegrams should be sent to the FAF CEO Brian Cashman. There will be a more formal add for application, but anyone wishing to get an early start should send information to Cashman as soon as possible including previous coaching jobs, coaching styles, formation types and the such. In any event, good luck to all those teams still alive and we will see you in World Cup XXII.

Fmjphoenix: 3
(Nolan 17, Mendel 41, Brown 78)

Bedistan: 0
(None)

Fmjphoenix Qualification Run:
MD01: --Bye--
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Five Civilized Nations Draw 2-2
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Bryn Shander Win 1-0
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Nifty Nick Win 4-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ The Belmore Family Draw 2-2
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Squornshelous Lose 1-3
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Iansisle Draw 1-1
MD08: --Bye--
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Five Civilized Nations Win 1-0
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Bryn Shander Win 4-1
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Nifty Nick Win 5-0
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs The Belmore Family Win 1-0
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Squornshelous Draw 1-1
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Iansisle Lose 0-1
MD15: Fmjphoenix vs Dance 2 Revolution Lose 0-1
MD16: Fmjphoenix vs Cockbill Street Lose 0-2
MD17: Fmjphoenix vs Bedistan Win 3-0
Qualification: 6-4-2
Second Round: 1-0-2
Record: 7-4-4

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif
Jungle Cats Steamroll Through Group A
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
6' Callum Banda
37' Inaki Soler
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

-------------------After a shakey start against fellow Atlantian Oceanian's Druida, Helmut Vilkauos has re organized his squad, and comfortably advanced through to the second round of the World Cup 21 finals in Cockbill Street after a pair of victories over EL CID THE HERO and Spurland. Riccardo Appolloni, the hero against EL CID THE HERO, scoring a dazzling 89th minute winner, was rested on the bench for the match against Spurland. Vilkauos obviously had vondifence in his squad to achieve victory, with qualification all but decided before hand.

-------------------And the reigning world champions did not dissapoint, opening the scoring just 5 minutes into the game off the golden boot of the all-time top scorer in Vilita, Callum Banda. Banda raced on to a through ball from Antonis Siazzu, easily out pacing the Spurland defence and wrong footing their apparently drunk goalkeeper to walk the ball to the goal line, stop it, spin around and back heel it into the net, causing the stadium to shake with delight at the 73rd career international goal for the storied Vilitan Striker.

-------------------Vilita continued pressing, but seemed happy to settle only for the golden chances, instead of shooting at every opportunity. It was not until the 37th minute that one of those chances presented itself, but it was a goal for the highlight reels. A marvelous one-two between Siazzu and best friend Inaki Soler down the right hand side saw the use of feet, thighs and heads to completely bemuse the Spurland opposition. Then, in what looked an unthinkable move, Siazzu began to dribble away from goal, only to stop, juggle the ball, then with his back to goal, launched the ball over his head, in an uncanny trajectory towards Soler, who had snuck in behind the Spurland Defense when all eyes had been on Siazzu. The Yeaddin Owls Winger, underpressure from the Spurland keeper, trapped the ball, then allowed it to fall to the turf and prod the ball between both his, and the keepers legs, before spinning around the cemented opposition and easily knocking the ball home for 2-0 to the World Champions.

-------------------Vilita took it easy in the second half, and Soler was replaced by Appolloni who is expected to start in the second round once again. As for the Second Round, Vilita will begin the one on one quest to defend the World Cup against either Commerce Heights or Svecia, depending a ruling on the Group B table where both teams had identical records right down to the last pedant.



Full Time Analysis:

Vilita

Best Player: Antonis Siazzu
Worst Player: Inaki Soler
Shots on Target: 8
Corner Kicks: 4

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/teamsheet.gif
Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Ricky Ezis, [D] Niccoló Mazzeo, [D] Andrea Lamberti, [DMC] Christian Sanou, [ML] Antonis Siazzu, [MC] Tanner Nerni, [MC] Jacques Vintila, [MR] Inaki Soler, [FC] Serge DuPont, [FC] Callum Banda,
BENCH::
[FC] Riccardo Appolloni, [FC] Mauro Baraza, [M] Maurizio Sala, [M] Santo Kecker, [U] Manolis Makunike, [D] Ade Hinds, [GK] Delain Falcón,

Vilita Substitutions::
(64) - Inaki Soler >>> Riccardo Appolloni

Stars knock out Clans, 3-0

The third time was the charm.

The Sarzonian national football team knew coming into their third match against The Lowland Clans in the World Cup XXI season that they would go through to the knockout stages with a win. Forward and team captain Brian Wilson atoned for his red card suspension by scoring two goals and assisting on the third, and the Stars left no doubt about the outcome, winning the match 3-0.

If group top seed Rejistania loses or draws its match against winless Nonesuch Street, the Stars would go through as Group F champions. The team will face either Total 'n Utter Insanity or South Osettia in the Round of 16 match, depending on the outcomes of both matches.

"I guess we doubled our point total from the two previous World Cup finals," Coach Dave Wilson joked. Pointing to the locker room, he said, "those lads in there made my job a lot easier. We played like champions."

The team dominated Atlantian Oceania regional rivals The Lowland Clans almost from the opening kickoff to the final whistle, and goalkeeper Horace Sandt was scarcely tested. He made a total of two saves on the match while his counterpart for The Lowland Clans faced 11 shots on goal. The Stars held a nearly 2-1 advantage in time of possession, 58-32.

"This doesn't mean we've arrived at anything," Brian Wilson said. "We've accomplished something this team has never done before, but there's still four more matches we could end up playing.

"Look around this locker room," the team captain said. "We're happy to be in the round of 16, but we're not going to pop any champagne corks. I bet you $10 no one on this team is even thinking about celebrating anything just yet."

The Stars made plans to watch film of their next round's opponent, but also went in knowing that they would be familiar with either South Osettia or TnUI.

"We played TnUI twice last World Cup season," midfielder Bobby Convey said. "We beat them away and we drew against them at Hendrix, so it's not like we've never faced those lads before. South Osettia we're not as familiar with because our second team played them, but they're still in our region so we get their matches all the time. It'll be interesting no matter who we face."

Perhaps the Stars will one day reflect on their accomplishments as they moved on past the first round of the Finals for the first time in national team history, but this isn't the time just yet. But if you listen closely, you might hear the ghost of late Coach Bryan Marshall cheering. Or you might find the spirit of Troy Perkins giving Sandt a pat on the back.

"Guys like Troy laid the groundwork," Sandt said. "We're here because of their dedication and their guts. No matter what happens here on out, we've done them proud."

We're In!

An unprecedented 9th shutout puts Pschychoes in the Rof16
Another defensive battle was decided by a single goal in this cup, this time though, it went in Squornshelous' favor. Trevor Gerrard caught the defenders napping midway through the second half, and he capitalized with a breakaway goal. Squornshelous advances to the round of 16 for the 9th (I think) time, but the other spot from Group B is up for grabs, after a 2-2 draw between Commerce Heights and Svecia.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 1-0 Kylaai

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Gerrard [67]

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Gerrard: 9
Zikov: 7
Popov: 5
Arnesson: 4
Neese: 2

Group B Standings after Matchday 2:

Group B P W D L GF-GAPts
1. Squornshelous 3 2 0 1 3-1 6
2. Svecia 3 1 1 1 4-4 4
2. Commerce Heights 3 1 1 1 4-4 4
4. Kylaai 3 1 0 2 2-4 3


Squornshelous' World Cup Schedule:
wins draws losses byes

MD01: Squornshelous 2-0 Five Civilized Nations Vogsphere Arena, Squornshelous
MD02: Bryn Shander 0-1 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 2-0 Nifty nick Throckmorton Park, Squornshelous
MD04: Bye
MD05: Squornshelous 0-0 Iansisle South Bend Stadium, Squornshelous
MD06: Fmjphoenix 1-3 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 5-2 The Belmore Family Xaxis Park, Squornshelous
MD08: Five Civilized Nations 1-1 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 3-0 Bryn Shander Striterax Stadium, Squornshelous
MD10: Nifty nick 1-2 Squornshelous
MD11: Bye
MD12: Iansisle 0-2 Squornshelous
MD13: Squornshelous 1-1 Fmjphoenix SMV Center, Squornshelous
MD14: The Belmore Family 0-2 Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous 2-0 Commerce Heights Thatcher Road, Cockbill Street
MD16: Squornshelous 0-1 Svecia Harewood Ground, Cockbill Street
MD17: Squornshelous 1-0 Kylaai Roegrow Grass Patch, Cockbill Street


11-3-1

(OOC: very much delayed RP)

"So, when's the second game, then," Christine asked.

"Four days, I think...Fmjphoenix."

"Any good?"

"Put it this way - we need to win, and we should win. Don't think they have too many good players...they're all really young."

"This "we" again. Do you really identify with that bunch of ury'kahzh?"

"Didn't know you could speak Dwarfish?"

"A bit like the way everyone seems to throw around "lehiju'ny" at the moment," Christine replied.

"Conceders? But that IS bad."

"So is ury'kahzh. It means cowards...well, more literally, non-dwarf-bread-eaters,"

"That's not cowardice, that's common sense. So's defending to win."

"Yes, but it has no style! No grace! It's not the way football is played!"

"That's cricket, Chrissy...and anyway, that's just a metaphor. As long as you win, who cares?"

"When you lose, people move away from you quicker. Look at Druida. People kept cheering for them..."

"That's because they were funny. Bit like that Starblaydi ski jumper...you know, Johnny the Fowl*."

"Oh yeah...was he the one who nearly killed himself while sliding down?"

"Precisely. Similar to Druida. They weren't particularly good at anything, but at least we enjoyed seeing them doing badly."

"No, that was NEWI Cefn Druids...Druida knocked us out."

"Whatever. Principle is the same."

---

The match wasn't particularly exciting, Christine thought afterwards. Okay, so they had won 2-0 - after three shots, Rhianna Peters netting a penalty and a ten-yard shot, and no shots conceded. What is it we're following, she thought - a football team with no will to attack, and more defenders than Karela lines' rugby team?

"Yet another fun game, wasn't it?" she asked her husband.

"Um...well, the hot dogs were nice," he answered. "And the two goals."

Christine stopped on the spot. "Let me get this straight," she said, speaking slowly and clearly. "You thought Nibbler's hot dogs were NICE?"

"Yeah..."

"They're made of...well, probably best not to know what, but most probably 90 % of it comes from the rubbish bin! And you liked it?!"

"Um...yeah..."

"You're mad, Robbie dear...or was it just that it was better than the football?"

"Have to admit, the last one. Can see your point, dear...these guys may be winning, but it's not fun anymore."

"So can we go home, then?"

"Nah, gotta watch the Dance 2 Revolution game. Hey, it could be the second time in forty-eight years the Street gets past the group stage!"

* note that dwarves, who are the main followers of ski jumping in the Street, have a substantial lack of inspiration for nicknames, but a larger taste for puns

They was terrible final for the Lovisan team. In 3 matches Lovisa only one draw with Starblaydia 0-0. other group matches we lose. (Lovisa - South Osettia 0-2, Total n Utter Insanity - Lovisa 1-0).

Iam very suprised what happend. It was not hard group and I was thing my team was very big chance to advance to next round. South Osettia and Starblaydia was worres team. But now I know we lose, and we are in the last position in group. For me it is a big lose. And I decide to left my occupacion. Loviski Związek Piłki Nożnej will must search a new coach, because I fold retirements. I convene team, fans and Lovisan association. We are good team, but we havent luck in hthe final. This is not first time. in the last final we lose to and not advance to round of 16. But in qualification we are good. I dont know why we are very poor in final.

Loviski Związek Piłki Nożnej (Lovisan Football Association) start serching a new coach for National team. If anybody interesting then can send an application.

TV Surfing...

*Zap* (Turns TV on)

Well, despite the fact that Les Bleus were protesting the cup, they appeared to have advanced to the second round of the cup, as they finished with a 1 – 1 – 1 record in group play. Lately, in group stage, Les Bleus have not had much luck with points, but seem to be able to get by nonetheless. Les Bleus though were not top of the group though, as the national team from Liverpool England grabbed the stop spot. There was though a surprise, as people were expecting Crystilakere to top the group, yet did not qualify. Coach Joseuf had this to say about the state of the current cup:

“I’m not sure what’s going on right now, things seem to just falling apart, as teams quiver among each other. I myself have expressed disapproval, but I’ve come to a conclusion it is almost impossible.”

*Zap* (Change Channel)

Welcome folks to the news conference going on in Cockbill Street, where we are live, and Coach Joseuf of Les Bleus is talking to reporters.

Q: Coach Joseuf, what’s going on with your team?

A: Well, our team is still here in the cup, we’re still here to compete, but we play in protest. We are protesting the squandering and slander going on between teams on how the WC should be organized. I’m not sure how far our team will go, on protest, but our main objective is to make it clear to others that there are teams out here who are tired of constant B.S.

Q: What are your chanced in this cup for your team?

A: If I knew that, then it wouldn’t be fun to play the game. I’m hoping we can make it deep into the cup, but we will have to see. I believe the next team we will be playing against, will be the home team Cockbill Street. I don’t have the stats with me here, but I don’t think we’ve met up with each other in the past. Should be a well played match between the two of us.

Q: Who’s your Daddy?

A: Definetly NOT you!, Next!

Q: What do you think of Melmond’s national team being kicked out of the cup?

A: I feel for them, they are a good team, they all seem to have heart too. Despite the fact that we are completely different countries in ideology, we’ve started to improve our view of each other. But anyways, that is how this tournament works. Sometimes, our team’s just don’t have the luck that we thought. Just look at our team right now. We just barely squeezed into this cup, and others had trouble qualifying. I guess these teams just have to look back and think about what went wrong, and how to remedy it. I predict Melmond will be back in good form for the next cup.

Q: How you liking it here in Cockbill Street? How do you feel your team is performing over here?

A: Well, I wouldn’t want to start any international confrontations between our countries (laughs) Seriously though, it’s a nice country, people seem to be pretty happy, and it’s kind of like Eauz. I do hope that this cup will improve their economy though, as it seems to be on the weak side at the moment. As for our performance over here, I’m not sure if it is supposed to help our team win or get rid of this Margaret curse, but it seems to be the same as other places. I don’t think it really matters how our team performs.

Q: Any new word on the Rejis monks in Zuka?

A: Oh, I’m not sure what’s going on with that situation. All I’ve heard is they were there on a religion search for something related to Margaret or whatever. And contrary to what is believed, I doubt they were here to spy on Eauz. Why not just watch our team play each day? Moreover, if I recall, I don’t believe our team was actually in Zuka at the time.

Q: Is it true you prayed to Margaret when you used to play?

A: Ahh, the curse of Margaret. Margaret can love you, and hate you. She seemed to be on our side at the time we won during WC13 & 16, but I think we’ve become officially cursed. But, we can’t give up, look at the Boston Red Sox, they just beat the curse of Ruth, and won their first World Series since 1918, I believe. But to get back to your Question, I do keep a close relationship with the idea that there is this “supernatural” being of Football, but aside from that, I don’t believe in any supernatural beings.

Alright folks, whoever made this meeting room didn’t do a great job, as it is getting hard to breath in here, with all your tough questions… Thank you again…

*Zap*(change channel)

“Hi I’m George W. Bush, and I approve this message…”

The World Cup has fallen into a deep hole of ruins and destruction. It seems as if the Dark ages are back again. Why continue to live in the dark though? Should one search rather for an alternative or an improvement to the cup? If you are tired of all this, Rejistania & Melmond are there as candidates to host World Cup 22. Remember: This is the only way to progress, all the others will take you down the same road.
-This has been a message from the Rejis/Melmond WC22 bid, for more information, go to the webpage below:

http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=401208

*Zap* (Turns TV off)

Vikings coaching job open for application

With the Football Associacion of Fmjphoenix choosing not to renew the contract of James Wash, the Fmjphoenix are now looking for a new coach. Here is the application

Nation From:
Name:
Age:
Years EXP:
Teams Coached:
Records:
Coaching Belief:
Styles:
Other:

If any coaches are interested, please telegram the FAF with the filled out application.

Hurriedly torn from the pages of the Bedistan Sports Digest:

...as Bedistan were disgraced with a three-nil drubbing from Fmjphoenix.

Coach Mike Davidson after the match:

"Well, that was painful, to put it lightly. We knew the Vikings had spirit, but we were not expecting anything like the performance they put on for us at KKD*. In that match, they proved that they will not give up even if they have nothing to play for, and they showed that they will carry the pride of their nation to its utmost heights. And for that, I salute them.

"As for my own team, we did not put on a bad performance ourselves. But knowing that all we had to avoid was a six-goal loss in order to go through, it's obvious that there was a bit of slacking going on. We simply didn't have the drive and the spirit that the Fmjphoenix team had. But we're going to have to get that back in a hurry, as Liverpool England will be wanting revenge for their last few performances against us."

finalscore
Bedistan 0
Fmjphoenix 3 (Nolan 17, Mendel 41, Brown 78)

nextmatch
Four years ago's Audioslavia is this year's Liverpool England. Yes, we're playing the Terminators yet again, this time at Vimesbairn National Stadium. As with all past Bedistan-LE matches, this one should be a highly exciting affair. Very few tickets remain, and those that do are generally selling for prices in excess of þ400. Contact TicketWizard before it's too late!

* K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gaiz'nigh, the stadium where the match was played. Davidson can't pronounce it, nor can any other Bedistani.

James Belless in
The Curse of Rejistania
Part 1

It's a bright, sunny day in Oddslavo, which is pretty weird seeing it's the monsoon season. Total n Utter Insanity are scheduled to play Oddslavo, in a match that doesn't even matter. It's the final day of qualifying for World Cup 21. Captain James Belless is tying his shoelaces in the visitors' locker room, when all of a sudden a chill creeps up his spine.

"Brrrrrrr. Who left the fridge open?"

"Sorry about that Alan."

"The name's James, James Belless."

"Whatever."

The players took to the pitch amidst the constant booing of both of Oddslavo's fans. The sweltering heat burned the poorly tended turf…

Second Round

Vilita (Argentina) v Svecia (Ireland)
EL CID THE HERO (Greece) v Squornshelous (France)
Liverpool England(Serbia & Montenegro) v Bedistan (Mexico)
Cockbill Street (Norway) v Eauz (Portugal)

Total n Utter Insanity (England) v Sarzonia (Turkey)
South Osettia (Slovakia) v Rejistania (Brazil)
Turori (Italy) v Audioslavia (Czech Republic)
The Eagles Nest(Japan) v Oaker (Ecuador)

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Oaker-Cokey
When we did the Oaker-Cokey we got turned around, thats what its all about, hey!

It wasn't the greatest performance in the 'slaves history by a long chalk, but in terms of progression into round two, it didn't matter. Both sides went through to leave Nova Britannicus and hosts Lethisvania in the cold. They could only manage a 1-1 draw anyway.

Oaker started and finished the brighter team. Flash Oaker's twenty-yard grass-cutter drive was the first notch on the scoresheet for the Oakerians, and they peppered away at the Audioslavian goal for much of the first half.

The 'slaves defence was good on the whole, but the attacking players like Bull, Araxie, Rijsbergen and Torrini didn't seem to function together. Defensive midfielder Brogran Cairbre did his job defensively, but in terms of getting the ball out of the defence and into an attacking situation - the way Jack Battle does so effectively - he failed.

His replacement for the second half, Oran Crevan, faired better in kickstarting the attacks and brought better play from the two wingers Rijsbergen and Torrini, but too often he was caught out when the Sharks counter-attacked, and that lead to Oaker getting their second goal, again through Flash Oaker. Intercepting a ball from the wing, he picked his spot with a beautiful curling effort past a stranded James Walsh.

2-0 down, the 'slaves had to pick up the pace and they did, but more often than not their attacks were wasted. Anders Burn - so prolific in the opening days of the qualifying competition - failed to find the mark and it was left to the big centre half Aron Ceulemans to find the 'slaves a way back into the game, heading a corner low and hard past the goalkeeper.

Arne Carel and Pierre Cesare both came close towards the end but it was too little too late, and Audioslavia succumbed to the sort of defeat that can take a side as fragile as the 'slaves right out of their stride.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 1 (Ceulemans 81)
Oaker 2 (Oaker 16, Oaker 64)

Player Analysis:
James WALSH - 6
Did his job as part of the defensive team but was slow to react to many shots, two of them resulting in costly goals.

Derry COLGAN 6 (sub - Jorma TAAVI, 84th)
Failed to contain Oaker on the wing but was good getting forward. The 'slaves really need a more experienced player in this right-back position.

Aron CEULEMANS - 8
A well taken goal and a solid performance, Aron cemented his position as one of football's finest centre-halfs.

Greigs JOHNSTONE 7
Another good performance from the captain, Greigs was solid as a rock and not at fault for either Oaker goal.

Arne CAREL - 5
Not so hot in defence and failed to get forward until the last minute where he mis-hit a speculative shot.

Brogan CAIRBRE - 6 (sub - Oran CREVAN, 45th)
Solid in defence but couldn't reproduce the form he shows so well for his club. Better in defence than midfield.

Kelly TORRINI - 6
Picked up after Crevan's arrival, but on the whole a quiet game for the winger. Still can't hold a candle to the ageing Arie Jansen, but will improve with time.

Killian RIJSBERGEN - 5
Like Torrini, picked up in the second half but was still very poor in attack. Seems he can't decide whether to be a defensive winger or an attacking full back. Unlike Torrini, time is running out for Killian to prove himself on the international stage.

Karayan ARAXIE - 4 (sub, Alexander MARRIOT 87th)
He was one of our best players in world cup 20 but is really struggling for form now. A very quiet game for him.

Pierre CESARE 7
Struggled with the lack of familiar faces around him, but was definately our best striker on the day. Will benefit when McLlroy comes back to the side.

Anders BURN - 5
Squandered some oppotunities and failed to get going.

Substitutes
Oran CREVAN - 7 (45 mins played)
A good game offensively, but it was his lack of presence in defence which cost Audioslavia the second goal.

[color=maroon]Jorma TAAVI - 5 (6 mins played)
Didn't have enough time to prove himself, still must be considered at least fourth in the pecking order up front.

Ally MARRIOT - 6 (4 mins played)
Created some oppotunities, but really wasn't on for long enough.

Group H P W D L GF-GAPts
Oaker 3 2 1 0 6-4 7
Audioslavia 3 2 0 1 5-2 6
Lethislavania 3 0 2 1 3-5 2
Nova Britannicus 3 0 1 2 2-5 1

Despite the loss, Audioslavia go through by a good four points and a 5-goal differential over Lethisvania in third position. Now the 'slaves face group G winners Turori.

The 'slaves have never been beaten by the Eels, but according to foriegn reporter Richard Drydek, the Turorians have something of a fire about them this time due to remarks made about their manager by legendary Audioslav Jeremy Jaffacake.

Turori seem to be unhappy that Jaffacake named their manager, Maritus Banda, in his 'worst team ever'.

Audioslavian manager Didi Romanov (himself almost included in Jaffacake's 'best team ever') has declined to comment.

G'nite bitches.

ST: Hejida, I am Sirake Tekim and you are listening to:

Jingle: Radio RejisCAST, live from the cup.

ST: Today, we are reporting from the match between our Orange-Blues and Nonesuch Street. For us in Lethislavania is Kansu Siki. Hejida Kansu!

KS: Hejida Sirake!

ST: How is the situation in Lethislavania?

KS: It is always fascinating to see that much people, who are more fanatic than you.

ST: Even more fanatic than Elin?

KS: No comment about that!

ST: Why?

KS: I have the strange feeling that the connection does not tolerate this. Connection reset by peer...

ST: not by Elin?

KS: No comment.

ST: Diplomat!

KS: Chaosmonger! Well, back to your question: The Rejistanians are not too pleased with the previous match, they know that qualification is at risk. but against the lowest team in this group, they see that they have quite a chance.

ST: Nonesuch has a rejistanian coach...

KS: Indeed, Kansu Lyku was coaching Cockbill Street and Nonesuch, but now his assistent Lyku Kansu cares for Nonesuch Street.

ST: That means no goals today?

KS: We'll see, the counter attacks of the Orange-Blues are surely the fear of Nonesuch Street.

ST: Yes, their counter attacks are outstanding!

KS: brilliant even, close to magnificent!

ST: Maybe. Anyways, Do we have rosters or did your computer decide to wave the white flag?

KS: we will see in 3..2..1.. (connection breaks down)

ST: Kansu? (pause) Kansu???? Okay, this computer is from Eauz.

KS: Elin, va'ta'il! (translation: don't do this)

Elin Ri: (from a distance) Viije! xe'la'semende'ta! (translation: Sorry, I did not intent that)

KS: It would be worse if you did!

ST: You have the line-up, Kansu?

KS: yes... I start with the Orange-Blues: Jari~n Suni is in goal again, Xes Vaje~n, Ve~l I Ka~nsu, Jasne Tahi and Lyku Jen are defenders, Asaru Ji, Hsiju Syku, Hekit Tana and Nenu Jijil are in midfield, Syku "SyDe" Lyku and Lyku Sykex are the forwards.

ST: Am I wrong or do they sound very unexperienced?

KS: lanja, err, maybe. They all have experience in the U21, but not necessarily much experience in the national team.

ST: I think even against this weak opponent, Hexatux should have fielded some of the better players...

KS: It has its reasons... or she hers if we talk like Siki Rej.

ST: Well, now for the Streeters...

KS: I try my best: Highsenburg'he in goal, Onestine'he, D'Iraq'he, Boore'he, Fineman'he, Beyta'he and Shrewdinger'he are defenders, Mightner'he, Pohli'he and de Slah'he are playing in midfield, the striker in this 6-3-1 is MacSwell'he.

ST: Do they also have first names?

KS: Most likely, do you want me to check in the PC?

ST: Better not.

KS: okay then!

(start of the match)
KS: The match starts now, Rejistania with the kickoff. The Rejistanians have the disadvantage of being the more attack minded team today, at least according to the line-up.

ST: That says nothing. A 4-4-2 on the paper of a Rejistanian line up most of the time means: We are playing 8-0-2 but don't confess it.

KS: Indeed, well, in that case I assume a scoreless draw... Good chance of SyDe, unfortunately, it went over the goal. So much for defending Orange-Blues! The Streeters start chanting rejistanian as you might hear: lehiju'ny!

ST: They are becoming rejistanians!

KS: Karelans!

(10th minute)
KS: uh-oh, Kansu Lyku will not be pleased about this defensive mistake, SyDe was not marked when Sykex'he passed towards him. XXXXKKKKKKKKKKKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! The goalie could not get to that ball, Makae'he just scored the 1:0! JJJJIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!(connection breaks down)

(89th minute)
KS: Sirake, Sirake, we're back!

ST: Finally! What's the score?

KS: 4:0 for us! SyDe was able to score a second time and Lyku Sykex increased the score to a 3:0 just after the second half started. from then, the Orange-Blues started defending as if they were from Karela but Ji Sijariil, who came in for Tana'he scored from a penalty kick, which was granted after a rude Streetian foul.

ST: Wow!

KS: Oh no, the Streeters try all what is in their might to make the result less embarassing, they areagain starting an attack... Bad mistake of I Ka~nsu'ny! SSSSSLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!! MacSwell'he just saved the Streetina honour a bit, 4:1 in the 90th minute. (pause) The referee indicates the end of the match. At least I assume so, rejistanians shouting "lehiju'ny!" can be pretty loud! (pause, we hear the fans) yes, this is the end of the match! I'm going to get drunk and to celebrate the first position in this group!

ST: Not that fast, Do you have any infos on who is our next opponent?

KS: I have! South Osettia, the team, whihc is rumoured not to exist!

ST: we will talk about that next matchday since our weirdness level exceeded the maximum!

KS: Okay, back to KaMaRi!

The plane landed one hour, fifty-nine minutes and forty-two seconds late. Luckily for Sam, it was one of those planes where you could just step off onto the runway and been transported to wherever you wanted directly, without the mad rush through the terminal followed by the awfully slow immigration officer with a name tag that said Zetrius. A mere thirty minutes later he was outside the stadium where South Osettia were playing their final group match against Total ‘n’ Utter Insanity – both teams were already through, so neither side was really trying. That was why South Osettia hadn’t scored and TnUI had only scored three. Fans were streaming out of the ground, all relatively happy (but some obviously happier than others), and it took Sam a moment to spot Tom, Cathy and Hugh over by the hot dog stand. He waded through the crowd towards them.

“Look, for God’s sake, I don’t want any ketchup! What, do you get commission or something for every squirt? You’re business is not gonna go under because I don’t want your damn sauces, I promise you.” Tom, as usual, was arguing with the hot dog man, whilst Cathy and Hugh watched from a safe distance, drinking sodas. They spotted Sam, first.

“Hey, Mr. Wanabaker. How was the flight?” Cathy dropped her straw as she spoke, and she bent down to retrieve it as Sam answered.

“Well…it was comfortable, at least…”

“Yeah, we just lost 3-0 to TnUI.”

“That’s not that bad. Who cares anyway – we’re through!”

“Yeah, but we’re playing Rejistania now.”

“That is bad. What’s that in real world terms?”

“Slovakia versus Brazil.”

“Have Slovakia ever beaten Brazil before?”

“Not to my knowledge. Maybe in like the 1800s…”

“That’s great. Just what I wanted to hear after a long, drunken flight.” Sam was able to cover his drunkenness pretty well. After consuming what he had, most people would have been sprawled out on the floor right now. “So, what do we do now?”

“We’ve got a press conference in about an hour, so we’re going back to the hotel to get ready. Oh, did you hear the news?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Emory Artice has been signed up by some Vilitan club for 70 million kugra.”

“Really? That’s nice. It’s good that we’re finally going to be considered a major world player now. Someday every country will have a South Osettian player in their ranks.”

“Yeah right, dream on, Mr. Wanabaker.” It was something that Sam had been striving for years to realise, and this could be the spark that set the wheel in motion. He was mixing up his sayings now, so he guessed he really was drunk.

***

An hour later, the press filed into the hotel lobby and then into the conference room, where they took their prearranged seats. Cathy had changed from a t-shirt and jeans into a work suit (of which she had five – one for each day of the working week), and looked much more like the Press Office she was. She waited for quiet before beginning.

“Okay everyone, welcome to Lethislavania. The weather’s good, the food’s good, but don’t drink the tap water. Believe me, it’s not good. Let’s get this started shall we? Beth?”

“Would you say that this was South Osettia’s finest sporting achievement?”

“I’d say it ranks up there with our Baptism of Fire win and our Cherry Cup performances. Obviously we’ve beaten some big teams to get this far – Bedistan, Kaze Progressa, Starblaydia…so naturally we’re feeling good about ourselves. I don’t think that a month ago we’d have even dreamed of being in the last sixteen, but it’s happened, and we’re proud of that. Now we want to see just how far we can go. Roy?”

“How much do you think this run will help the team in terms of rankings?”

“Before the finals started we were ranked forty-nine. Since then we’ve accumulated five qualifying points and six additional group points. Take that, and the fact that a number of the teams ahead of us have not made the finals, and I think I can safely say that we’re in for a bit of a jump. How big a jump depends on how others do. I’d expect, though, that we’d be in the high thirties at the end of the tournament. Anything more would be a bonus. Anything less and I’d be suspicious. Greg?”

“The next game is against Rejistania, which in real life terms is - ”

“I’ve already heard this. It’s Slovakia versus. Brazil, I know. What’s the question?”

“Does the team stand any chance against the Orange-Blues?”

“You know, I bet a lot of people said the same thing about us when we played Oddslavo and Starblaydia. In fact, they did – the proof is in the papers.” Cathy held up a few choice selections, including a P2G Daily and a Melmond Ketchup Times. “They underestimated us, and look what happened. My answer to you is this: of course there’s a chance of us winning the match. There’s always a chance, however small. If Rejistania underestimate us, they could find themselves with egg on their face. Regardless of how well they play, which I’m sure will be very well, we’re going to put up a serious fight. We won’t go into the match thinking that we’re going to lose, because we know that there’s a chance we won’t. We didn’t get here through cheating and bribery – we got here through team spirit and sheer determination, and you’ll be seeing both on your screens tomorrow, I can assure you.” That little speech earned Cathy a round of applause, and no doubt a back-page picture on every South Osettian newspaper, as well as a few international ones too. “Libby?”

“There has been rumors abound about a move to Vilita for Emory Artice. Are there any truth in those rumors?”

“Libby, I can now one hundred percent confirm that Artice has been bid for by a Vilitan club. The bid was somewhere in the region of 70 million kugra, and both Zimbru Ts’khinvali and the player himself are eager for the deal to go through. I’m pretty sure it’ll be closed within the next twenty-four hours, after the contract details have been thrashed out. Alright, we’re done for today. I’ll see you tomorrow for the big one. Be there or be square.”

the following actions happened between the hours of 8pm and 9pm.

Doomhammer is the ECFA's sofa reading a newspaper's sport section. S.Sam enters the room with a paper containing the WC Round of16 in his hand.

SS: the draw is in and we face Squornshelous.

DH: that... not great is it?

SS: nope. the pundits are strongly backing Squornshelous to give us a sound thrashing.

DH: what would this be in real life?

SS: it would be Greece vs France

DH: has Greece ever beaten France?

SS: once yes. In Euro 2004. But that...

DH: so therefore were going to win then. Great.

SS: no what I meant was...

DH: I SAID WERE GOING TO WIN!!!

SS: ... ok then. I’ve just remember I have to go to my house for ... sleep.

DH: ok then. See you soon.

Pschychoes prepare for second round

Squornshleous matches up with 11th ranked EL CID THE HERO
Squornshelous looks to make a statement this cup by coming out strong against EL CID THE HERO. The Pschychoes are poised on the edge of greatness. Although we don't want to get ahead of oursleves, we can look ahead to see that the winner of this game will play the winner of Cockbill Street vs Eauz, which should be a great game, while Eauz looks tyo be the better team, it's never good to underestimate a team on its home turf. The favorites from our side of the bracket are Squornshelous, Vilita and Bedistan with Audioslavia, Rejistania and Total n Utter Insanity the top teams on the other side, with Turori and The Eagles Nest also contenders. In Squornshelous, most people are picking for the same three teams to finish top three as in WC20, but in a variety of different orders. However, for now, the players and managers are all focusing on the match at hand. "We can't take anything for granted," says Manager Sergei Korolev, "we have to go out and get every single game."

Stars set for 'Insane' battle

With the Sarzonian national team preparing for the biggest match in its history, Coach Dave Wilson has tried to calm the team down, imploring the team to take the approach that the match is no more than the third time the Stars and Total 'n Utter Insanity have faced each other.

"It's easy to get caught up in the atmosphere of the match and how important it is," Wilson said. "But that's a recipe for failure at this level. We have to make sure we play Sarzonian football and let the chips fall where they fall."

The team is going into the match intending to establish possession and string short passes together, as is their usual custom. They will also look to get the ball to forward and team captain Brian Wilson, but they may also use forward Barry Alphonso differently.

"Barry's going to have to play more aggressively," Dave Wilson said. "I know he can do it because he plays that way when Bri isn't in the lineup, but he's going to have to play that way with Brian in the lineup. We can still play our style of football and make that change."

The team will also tighten up defencively, with Trevor Crenshaw stepping into the starting 11 and sending Henrik Bastale to the bench.

"It's nothing that Henrik is doing or isn't doing," Wilson said. "We just need to give Trevor a chance to start with all the hard work he's been doing in training. If we need a spark off the bench, I'm counting on Henrik to provide it."

"I'm just going to have to work harder to get the coach confident in me," Bastale said. "I'm taking this as a sign that I need to be better."

The Stars have met fifth ranked Total 'n Utter Insanity twice previously, winning away and drawing at Hendrix Stadium in Woodstock. The Stars are going into the match with the mindset that no one except them believes they have a chance.

"Other teams are counting on us to just fold our tents and go home," Dave Wilson said. "We're going to go in there with the idea of bringing everything we have against them. Let them remember this match for years to come."

From the Na~ovi Enquirer:

South Osettia does not exist

Often a country called South Osettia is mentioned, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world that it exists. That is not as obivous as it might seem. No one in the team of the Na~ovi National comes from South Osettia, knows anyone coming from South Osettia or was in South Osettia. No one even knows someone, who was in South Osettia. It is a clear sign that there is something fishy, we are an international newspaper. We searched for South Osettia on the internet and found among irrelevant links a link to a site of conspiracy theorists, which said exactly what we feared, only worse: Not just that South Osettia does not exist, there is a reason why we are supposed to think it does: People should avoid this area to avoid to see what is really there! We sent a reporter there and were shocked by the efficiency with which he was made believe that there is no consiracy. He seemed to be completely brainwashed, the photographes were faked and even mails were sent through servers, which DNS address ended with .so, the fact that the text of these mails was surely not written by him is only a minor detail.

The efforts used to conceal that South Osettia does not exist are insane. The UN was infiltrated and lists South Osettia as normal country in their ranking, they even release a factbook entry. They infilttrated the WCC and a team of brainwashed talents from other nations plays in the world cup and the U21. Their fans are either robots or paid extras. The internet simulates en extra subnet and an impressive amount of domains. There are faked maps, which show cities, which do not exist.

We do not know who THEY are and we do not know what they plan, but one thing is for sure: South Osettia does not exist!

On the morning of the third match, Christine found her husband sitting with a piece of paper and a feather pen. He was clearly engaged in some difficult problem - and knowing Robert, he'd probably got a two plus two wrong somewhere.

"Want some help, darling?" she said, leaning over his shoulder.

"...and if Bedistan lose by 0-2 then four goes into six...oh, hi Christine,"

"Hi Robert," she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "You know, you shouldn't do football maths at five o'clock in the morning, it's bad for you."

"I just want to know what we need, that's all."

"Robbie dear, it's simple. If they draw or win, they're through no matter what. If they lose, they need Bedistan to lose by two goals more."

"How did you know that?"

"I bought the overseas edition of the C-mail before we went to bed last night."

"Gah, you're no fun..." Robert sighed.

"Look, dear, I know how long it would have taken you to work that one out. You've been here since around six, haven't you?

"Um...yeah," Robert replied.

"Silly you. Let's have breakfast now."

---

After another few hours of standing in the queue, the couple managed to get in - this time with ten minutes to spare before Cockbill Street and Dance 2 Revolution entered the pitch. The day was good for football - particularly defensive football, as it poured down with rain and the two could barely see the pitch through the bog.

"Fine day for football, isn't it?" Christine remarked.

"Roegrow players will like this weather," Robert pounced back. "Good that I brought the umbrella, though."

"You know anything about those dancers?"

"Well, apparently they're supposed to be really good at football, but they never show it. They've got a player called Uber, too."

"Uber?"

"You know, like in Uberwald. Really big or really good."

"Hm. Is he?"

"Doubt it, the manager is off in something called PES, apparently."

"What's that?"

"Some magical thing where you play football. He thinks it's more fun than coaching a team."

"Strange people..."

"Yup. Oh, there are the teams. Did the C-mail say anything about changes?"

"Sounded like Lyku was gonna go all out defensive - think he was going from 5-4-1 to 6-4-0. Peters out, that troll...Full o' silicate, I think...in"

"Isn't that incomprehensible?"

"Don't think he cares..."

---

"How long have been here now, darling?"

"You've said that twenty times in the past ten minutes...we've only been here 27 minutes."

"How many shots have we seen?"

"Nil."

"And this is supposed to be football?"

"Embrace the new age, Christine...this is the future of football."

"Pah! Give me a good old 5-4 fight between Roegrow and Vimesbairn United any day over this. Future of football...only in Rejistanian views."

"But look at all the people cheering! They've all realised what football is about now."

"No, they're sports fans who'd take a game of water polo if it was served up to them with blue and red kit on one side and someone telling them they were Streeters. Where's the pride gone?"

"There's national pride here..."

"Pride in a bunch of guys who are hanging in the crossbar waiting for a shot to come in...YAAYYYYYYYYY!!"

Robert buried his head in his hands. Maeda had just headed in 1-0, off a cross that somehow had gone between the four central defenders and into the back of the net. Incomprehensible, indeed.

"What...are...you...cheering...for?" He burst through gritted teeth.

"Plucky underdog? Team who actually plays football? Not the Streeters?"

"Thanks..." he moaned.

From the stands at the other end, the chant from the Streetian "fans" was "lehiju'ny, lehiju'ny," incessantly. As if that would help a team who needed a draw, Robert thought sourly, realising that these fans were indeed success supporters.

---

"Ten minutes left. Any news from the clacks up in K'haz'bak?" Robert said, head still on a level with his groin.

"Bedistan are trailing three-nil, apparently."

"What?!!"

"You heard me. Three-nil. Fmjphoenix have had a field day."

"So...let me get this straight. We're 0-1 down, but Bedistan are 0-3 down, so that means..."

"They have 4-4 in goal difference, the Streeters 2-1, yes. Your team is through. Amazing, isn't it?"

"So...with 0-1 here, both teams go through?"

"You heard me."

"That's why they've been rolling the ball about for the past three minutes, then."

"Past eighty, you mean. The last three they've actually had a reason. Oh, look...Cockbill Street have got the ball into the Dancers' penalty area. Send a clacks to the C-mail, will you?"

"Stop being sarcastic...oi, Sarah, Sarah, SarAAAAAAAAH!!!! GOOOAL!!!!!!!!!!"

"I'm surprised you didn't say shkora, Robbie dear," Christine said with a wink.

"We're through! Stop trying to speak coherently to me! We're through!" Robert screamed while jumping up and down.

Out on the town, with a few days before the next match against the host country, Cockbill Street, Alia and Bedeau decide to look for some food, before enjoying the night life (if there is any) in the country.

Alia: Well, I hope we find something good to eat tonight, that Grilled Rat, the nation’s national animal. I was up all night barfing.

Bedeau: Oh well, your own fault…

Alia: WHAT!?! The government should be providing warnings

Bedeau: Stop there…

Alia: WHAT!?!

Bedeau: We’re not in Eauz anymore, this is Cockbill Street.

Alia: Righ… So where off to, tonight?

Bedeau: Well, in the Hotel last night, I seen a pamphlet advertising for a restaurant called… lemme think… Oh I forget…

*After walking a few blocks, arrive in a poor neighbourhood.

Alia: This location looks a little broke down, and not well repaired.

Bedeau: Well, no nation is perfect, there are always going to be pockets of Rich and poor in socialist countries, no matter what political view you have. And remember, this country is still stuck in the 1700’s.

Alia: I guess I’m just too much of an ideological commie, hein?

Bedeau: C’est sûr!
*See man standing by building ringing a bell, and saying:

Douth thou search for a scrumptious meal, at a reasonable price?
If so, thou shall feed upon a meal for under 50 ankh-morpork dollars
Quite True!
The Ol’ Bar thou presents the gigantic meal
Thou receives the gigantic meat paddy, a large stein of Whisky, Chittlens (Whatever these shall be), Rats feet on a French Baguette (imported!!) with a side of brown coloured water!
Thou shall spend less on this product, compared to two sacks of opium down the street!
MON DIEU! (Woops! I’m not French!)

Bedeau: Did I just hear The Ol’ Bar?

Thou art Correct, Monsieur
The Ol’ Bar, We are content to see your few teeth!


Alia: Ahhh, this seems fine, lets go here…

We Finish First!
But Bedistan still await, damn it

The Terminators pulled off a second straight 2-1 win to win the group D for the first time in over...... in over...... "In a long time we can't even remember," my editor tells me.

However, don't jump for joy too quickly. We said we'd meet Bedistan if we finished the group in second place. Well, here's the bad news. We've already played them twice in the qualifiers..... and we'll have to play them again after they failed to win their group, qualifying in second place.

When the news filtered through of Cockbill Street's 1-1 draw coupled with Fmjphoenix's 3-0 victory over the Green-Blues, an audible groan from the large crowd watching the two matches on the giant plasma screen in the CCL Square could be heard in Orean, 300 miles south-west of CCL.

Such was, or is, the Terminators' history with Bedistan that, where before we'd have loved to meet them, in recent times it has become vice versa, we now hate to meet them.

Why, you ask?

Well, look back at our history. Before the qualifying for World Cup 21, the Terminators held a 4 wins, 1 draw, 1 loss record against Bedistan dating back over 52 years.... only for the record to now stand at 4-1-3, and an unimaginable loss to Bedistan in the second round could mean the two teams splitting the history - something diehard Terminators fans are trying to avoid.

We can only wonder if that will happen, but we hope not.

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png
football

Ring the bells of Vimesbairn!

VIMESBAIRN, Cockbill Street -- Yes, ring the bells, indeed! For the score is even, and the Lions are in the World Cup quarterfinals for the eighth time!

Going into the match, the green-and-blue-clad Bedistani team proved that they were no longer afraid of the so-called "Curse of Liverpool" that had plagued us for over half a century. The Lions took control early, and the tone of the game was set by Vanessa Carpenter's 23rd-minute goal that bounced in off the near post. After the initial shock, though, the Terminators regrouped and started to fend off the Bedistani attack much more effectively. After a while, the momentum began to shift in Liverpool England's favor, and with just a couple minutes remaining in the first half, Jacob Walczak found a perfect opportunity to send in the equalizer, making the score one-all at halftime.

During the halftime break, coach Mike Davidson stressed further the great importance of this match to prove to the world that Bedistan still has what it takes. As a result, the second half was all Bedistan all the way. The Terminators completely lacked the spirit that former LE sides had when facing the Lions. Goalkeeper Christopher Bush is to be commended for keeping the scoreline low, as Bedistan's three attackers broke through repeatedly. As many expected, it was Alejandro Vantrease who gave Bedistan the lead for the second and final time, with his 2-1 goal being the last of the match.

Bedistan's record against Liverpool England has finally improved to 4-1-4, at least evening the decades-long score. The Terminators will be headed back home, while the Lions have the dubious honor of facing hosts Cockbill Street again in the quarterfinals.

finalscore
Bedistan 2 (Carpenter 23, Vantrease 64)
Liverpool England 1 (Walczak 39)

nextmatch
Well, we get the opportunity for a rematch against neighbors and hosts Cockbill Street. The match in the group stage resulted in a nil-all draw, but somebody has to win this time. Let's see if the Lions can make their sixth semifinal appearance.

Dream comes to end, 1-0

After the Sarzonian national football team's breakthrough into the Round of 16, some pundits said the team could lay claim to a successful World Cup XXI campaign, despite the players and coaches arguing to the contrary. There will be more time to debate that, as the Stars lost in the Round of 16 1-0 to Total 'n Utter Insanity.

"We played a great game of football," Coach Dave Wilson said. "We took it to them for long stretches during the game, but," his voice trailed off. "We just weren't able to put it away when we had the chance."

The Stars nearly took the lead 11 minutes in when defender Trevor Crenshaw stole the ball from an Insanican midfielder in the Stars' defencive third of the pitch. He sent a long ball to forward Barry Alphonso, who then sent a through ball into the box toward forward Brian Wilson. The team captain's one-time bid barely touched the fingertips of the Insanican goalkeeper and was cleared past the end line for a Sarzonian corner.

However, it was Total 'n Utter Insanity who scored first. An Insanican defender making a rare offencive move stole the ball in the Sarzonian third and sent a cross toward the team's top playmaking midfielder. He sent a shot into the box that goalkeeper Horace Sandt punched high, but right to the Insanicans top forward. He didn't miss and the Stars found themselves down 1-0 28 minutes in.

Despite the team making an immediate substitution sending defender Corey Hemby to the bench for midfielder Henrik Bastale, the Stars couldn't generate enough pressure to dent the back of the net. The Stars even sent Sandt forward in the 90th minute in a desperate effort to equalise the match, but it wasn't to be.

"It hurts, it really does," a disconsolate Sandt said after the match.

"We played our damndest, but it wasn't good enough this time," midfielder Darwin Russell said. "We're going to be better the next time."

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif
Resurgent Champs burst into Quarters
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
65' Callum Banda
67' Callum Banda
76' Serge DuPont

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

-------------------The Defending World Cup Champion Vilita Jungle Cats burst into the Quarter Finals of World Cup 21 with an impressive comeback victory over the always formidible Svecian team that had earned their place in the second round after a virtual coin toss with another former World Cup champion, Commerce Heights. Svecia and Commerce Heights had finished level on 4 points, each earning a win, as well as a draw against each other in the group stage. Vilita, on the other hand, went unbeaten in the group stage to extend its Senior unbeaten streak to 27 games. With the all time Vilitan record streak being 30* games, including a World Cup knockout stage draw, with a decision against VIlita on Penalty Kicks included as the Asterik, the Jungle Cats were hungry to set the record straight and earn an un-questionable streak of 30 unbeaten matches. In order to do this, however, Helmut Vilkaous knew that his Jungle Cats would have to make a return appearance to the World Cup final, and with opposition such as Svecia, Eauz and Bedistan potentially in the way, there would be no room for error.

-------------------Vilkaous selected a strong team for the match against the Svecians, as expected, which saw Riccardo Appolloni return to partner Callum Banda in attack. The only somewhat surprising inclusion was that of budding Marine Coast United set piece specialist Maurizio Sala in central midfield, pushing Inaki Soler to the left, and captain Santo Kecker was left on the bench. This gave all time top scorer Callum Banda the chance to wrap the captains armband around his arm. Despite fielding a strong lineup, Vilita appeared uneasy at the start, and a defensive error by Andrea Lamberti almost allowed Svecia to get one up on the champs within 10 minutes. However, a great effort by Jimmy Kater saw the svecian attempt deflect off the keepers outstretched hand, onto the far post, and then out for a corner kick.

-------------------Svecia continued to pressure the Vilitan defense, and it looked only a matter of time before Jimmy Kater would be picking a ball out of the back of his net. But again, it was Kater proving to be the last line of defense for Vilita, making a series of spectacular saves that kept the score notched at 0-0 as half time approached. The Jungle Cats looked to have escaped the Lightning's storm, until Defensive Midfielder Christian Sanou went up for a defensive header inside Kater's area on a Svecian corner. The young midfielder, in his first full World Cup Finals as the replacement for Vilitan legend Jurgen Ramzi, headed the wrong direction and proved to be the only one on the pitch who could outsmart Kater. The referee blew for half time with Svecia on edge of a potential upset and holding on to a 1-0 advantage over Vilita.

-------------------Surprisingly, no changes were made for the second half as Vilkaous chose to rely on his first choice lineup to turn the game around and extend Vilita's impressive unbeaten streak. Vilita finally looked to have a real chance to score in the 53rd minute when Appolloni was fed through by Antonis Siazzu, but Appolloni, in acres of space, found only row z with his powerful strike from 20 yards out. The game looked to be slowing down as the hour mark passed, and Svecia looked content to play keep away amongst their midfield and back lines. It was one too many passes for the Svecians however when the ball took a strange hop and bounced right over the outstretched foot of Svecia's Oskar Falköping, who looked as confused as anyone as the ball trickled out for what would be a corner kick for Vilita. Taking time to settle, it was Maurizio Sala who placed the ball t the corner flag, with many Vilitans pressing forward. The Svecian defense crowded the far post where both Appolloni and the prolific Callum Banda waited anxiously for Sala's delivery. But as Sala's short ball looked lucky to make it even to the near post, the Svecian defenders quickly reacted and darted towards the wide open Tanner Nerni. Nerni, the hero of World Cup 20, scoring the goal that brought the World Cup to Vilita, did not try to take the hero shot on this day. Instead, he craftily flicked the ball high over the defense, perfectly to a now unmarked Callum Banda, who could never have missed from 4 yards out with the goalkeeper no where to be found. The 36 year old Banda wheeled away, arms outstretched as if he were an airplane, and the crowd leapt to their feet. Vilita was back in this game, and the streak was not dead yet.

-------------------On the ensuing kickoff, an energetic Banda quickly swooped in to intecept the ball from a stunned Svecian midfield, and quickly dished the ball left to Inaki Soler who was making a cunning run down the left wing. Darting back into the center, Banda waved emphatically for the return ball, and Soler did not hesitate a moment as the delivery was perfect. For the second time in as many minutes, Banda and connected with his head, and the celebrations, still not completed from Banda's equalizer, had risen to even more deafening levels as the Jungle Cats stormed into the lead. It was at this moment, that Vilkaous noted the weakness in his opponents and made all three of his substitutions to try and catch the Svecians, demoralized and out of breath, to hopefully extend Vilita's lead and seal their passage into the next round.

-------------------The lanky Manolis Makunike was handed a rare appearance, coming in for Niccolo Mazzeo, while Vilkaous announced his attacking intentions by taking out defensive midfielder Christian Sanou and replacing him with the always potent Serge DuPont. Putting even more pressure on the Svecian backline, Mauro Baraza returned to the World Cup Finals coming on for Riccardo Appolloni. It looked as if Vilita were the only team on the pitch at this moment, as they quickly chased upfield, devouring every Svecian player in sight. Short pass after short pass, the Svecians were backtracking as if they were running from a swarm of bees. With no water to seek refuge in, the Svecian's finally cracked, and Serge DuPont found himself with the ball just 8 yard out and cooly converted to seal the game for the Jungle Cats. The remaining ten minutes played out with Vilita playing the keep away, having no intentions of allowing Svecia a root back into the game, and easily securing a trip back to the Quarter Finals where they will once again meet with EL CID THE HERO, whom the Jungle Cats topped 1-0 during group stage actions.


Full Time Analysis:

Vilita

Best Player: Riccardo Appolloni
Worst Player: Christian Sanou
Shots on Target: 11
Corner Kicks: 13

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/teamsheet.gif
Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Andrea Lamberti, [D] Ricky Ezis, [D] Niccoló Mazzeo, [DMC] Christian Sanou, [ML] Inaki Soler, [MC] Antonis Siazzu, [MC] Maurizio Sala, [MR] Tanner Nerni, [FC] Riccardo Appolloni, [FC] Callum Banda,
BENCH::
[FC] Serge DuPont, [FC] Mauro Baraza, [M] Santo Kecker, [M] Manolis Makunike, [U] Jacques Vintila, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [GK] Delain Falcón,

Vilita Substitutions::
(72) - Niccoló Mazzeo >>> Manolis Makunike
(74) - Christian Sanou >>> Serge DuPont
(75) - Riccardo Appolloni >>> Mauro Baraza

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Maritus Banda: Shit After All
Turori Topped as 'Slaves March to Quarters.

In a torrential downpour in Lethisvania, Audioslavia managed to scrape through against plucky Turori, through a goal by future Makosile United midfielder Taurxa Jeroen.

The 1-0 result echoed the previous two results between the teams. The 'slaves scored a 1-0 win over Turori in the Jurassic Invitational Cup, and another in the quarter-final of World Cup 19. The two encounters previous to that had both ended Audioslavia 3, Turori 1.

The match came just two weeks after Turori manager Maritus Banda hit a shot accross Audioslavia's bow over Jeremy Jaffacake's claims that Banda was one of the 'worst players in the history of football'. Banda told the world that he had his sights set on the 'slaves, but it appears his sights were a wee bit off.

It was clear that the 'slaves were the favourites, but the conditions made it hard for either side to get a real foot-hold in the game, the play centering mostly round the middle of the park. The only real opportunity in the first half was a Turorian one, midfielder Martiia Rawaii disposessing Battle in midfield and playing a killer ball through for Jutar Ranaso, but the striker could only slice the ball wide.

For the second half the rain died down and the pace picked up. Turori again saw another chance go begging, this time through Cuolia Tuirma, before the 'slaves started to rally.

First Pierre Cesare smashed a volley against the cross-bar before a hectic melee around the Turori penalty area almost brought a goal but unbelievably didn't, Marriot and Cesare both having snap-shots cleared off the line first by the goalkeeper's torso, then by Raoibn Olioab's knee.

The 'slaves managed to finally take the initiative just three minutes later. Taurxa Jeroen, who recently signed for Vilitan club Makosile United, pounced on a loose ball inside the area and belted the ball low past Milauo Slietah for 1-0.

Jeroen was a big part of the 'slaves next foray into the Turori area, playing a high ball accross to the far side where McLlroy was waiting. The striker out-jumped Olioab and nodded the ball down for Ally Marriot, but Marriot's shot was hasty and the ball skied well over the bar.

With ten minutes left, Romanov made two defensive substitutions, replacing Battle with Cairbre and striker Cesare with Oran Crevan, pushing the 'slaves into a 5-4-1 system. Whilst this gave them more men in defence, it allowed Turori to come at them, which almost proved the 'slaves downfall.

With two and a half minutes left, a seemingly harmless looking mis-kick floated towards Johnstone, but the defender gave a mis-kick of his own which let Vluka through on the right hand side. Vluka pulled the ball back to Ranaso who, with a delightful slice of skill, stepped over it, turned, and dragged it round Aron Ceulemans. Through on goal with the 'slaves defence flummoxed, Ranaso hit the ball sweetly past Celta, but could only watch as it curled away agonisingly past the left hand post.

A few hit-and-hope shots from Ranaso and Inostraza later, the final whistle went, proclaiming that Audioslavia were through to a world-cup quarter final for just the fifth time in eighteen attempts.

FINAL SCORE
TURORI 0
AUDIOSLAVIA 1 (Jeroen 65)

Player Analysis:

Gabe CELTA - 7
Didn't have too much to do, but performed when he was called upon

Derry COLGAN - 6
Didn't get forward as often as one would like, but was solid enough at the back and performed well when under pressure.

Aron CEULEMANS - 7
Strong in defence as per-usual, could possibly have dealt better with marking Ranaso

Greigs JOHNSTONE - 8
Solid as a rock, but seemed sluggish at times especially compared to Turori's pacey strikers.

Arne CAREL - 7
Got forward well and was strong in defence, but tired alarmingly quick at the end

Jack BATTLE - 5
Can never accuse him of not trying, but looked by far the weakest link in the Audioslavian chain.

Taurxa JEROEN - 9
Has really come of age in this tournament and its shown, didn't put a foot wrong and got the winning goal.

Arie JANSEN - 6
Didn't play as big a role as one would expect, but still did his bit in attack.

Ally MARRIOT - 6
Not a stand-out game for the man, but did his job in linking the midfield to the strikers as well as he could.

Jackie McLLROY - 7
Played second-fiddle to Pierre Cesare, but complimented the other striker well.

Pierre CESARE - 8
At the heart of most of the 'slavian attacks and performed admirably. A bright future ahead for the striker.

Eagles Nest/Oaker await the 'slaves

Audioslavia will know who they will face in a little over ten hours.

The Eagles Nest kick off against Audioslavia's first-round conquerers Oaker tonight for a place in the quarter final.

Both teams will be tough to beat, but the prospects of a semi-final tie against Rejistania or Total 'n Utter Insanity should whet the 'slavian appetites somewhat.

G'nite bitches.

The Terminators will be headed back home, while the Lions have the dubious honor of facing hosts Cockbill Street again in the quarterfinals.

...

nextmatch
Well, we get the opportunity for a rematch against neighbors and hosts Cockbill Street. The match in the group stage resulted in a nil-all draw, but somebody has to win this time. Let's see if the Lions can make their sixth semifinal appearance.

correction
We will not be facing Cockbill Street in the next round as previously reported. Instead, we suffer a much worse fate in defending world champions Vilita. Vilita may not have home-field advantage, but they're pretty darn close. Actually, we're closer, but that's really a non-issue. Both teams have a lot of spirit, and the Jungle Cats will surely be defending their title to the death. Expect billions of televisions in Bedistan to be tuned to BSTV for this one.

the following actions happened between the hours of 8pm and 9pm.

Doomhammer at his desk waiting for the phone call. As the phone starts to ring a bead of sweat begins to fall down his face. he picks up the phone and awaits the reply.

DH: are the results in?

SS: Yes. Yes they are.

DH: and what is it?

SS: its 3-0 to the lions!

DH: that means.... Were through.

SS: yes. is does

DH: WERE THROUGH TO THE QUARTERFINALS!!!!

SS: I know. Great isn't it.

DH: WERE IN THE LAST 8!!! WERE...

SS: CALM DOWN!!!!!!

DH: ...ok. Thanks I needed that. so who do we face next?

SS: i don't know? Everyone seems to be confused. We think it either Cockbill Street or Vilita.

DH: that’s a bit of a bugger. Vilita be champs and Cockbill street being hosts and all.

SS: but we do outrank them. By two places.

DH: well... either way I’m going to have a drink to celebrate the will see yea.


OCC: thanks to Cockbill Street. Should be an interesting match.

To the EL CID THE HERO fans, we can confirm that it will be EL CID THE HERO vs Cockbill Street in the quarter-final. A fuller report will be up shortly.

Shark Attack

Stadium: Pinealla International Stadium

Roster:

Carrin Oaker (GK), Torry Oaker (GK), Stef Oaker (D), Gray Oaker (D), Mitel Oaker (D), Orion Oaker (D), Tabby Oaker (D), Freddy Oaker (M), Sport Oaker (M), Venus Oaker (M), Arthin Oaker (M), Kelvin Oaker (M), Raven Oaker (M), Flash Oaker (F), Tip Oaker (F), Cats Oaker (F), Pond Oaker (F)


Sharks take bite out of Eagles Nest

After a stunning upset victory over the best ranked team in the world (Audioslavia) The Sharks got a rare chance to compete in the knockout stage in the world cup finals. Flash Oaker was on fire going into the match after he scored both goals against Audioslavia giving the Sharks an unbeaten record in the World Cup group stage and amazingly finishing in first place in their group. By finishing ahead of Audioslavia in first place, Oaker actually knocked out the tournament hosts Lethislavania. Unfortunately some of the Lethislavanians were mad and started throwing rotten lettuce at the team as they walked off the field after the match, but really they had no reason to complain as their home team couldnt even beat Nova Britannicus so they had no shot at making the next round anyway. Flash Oaker had a few choice words for one of the Lethislavanians after he got hit in the ear and some molding lettuce got stuck in his ear leaving him to pick it out. He flung it back at the Lethislavanian and threatened the fellow with foaker fever, saying that this man had only incited the Sharks, and the fever will soon spread accross the entire land.

Flash Oaker proved himself right when the Sharks travelled accross Lethislavania to meet up with The Eagles Nest. The World Cup 15 hosts were not quite the team they once were, but Oaker were very strong and looking like a team that could make an impact in the outcome of the world cup. Orion Oaker came up for a 15th minute header and as it hit the back of the net he thought he'd scored, but the stupid ref called it back saying Orion jumped on someones back and punched another guy in the face. The ref told Orion he was lucky to get just a yellow card and warned him to stay on defense and keep his head up. Since it was Orion's first trip to the world cup finals he took the referee's warning and did not get involved for most of the rest of the game. It was a good looking goal however especially from a defensemen. The Sharks were not able to get much out of the rest of the half, but neither was The Eagles Nest and the score at half time was 0-0.

The second half is where Oaker showed what they had and Flash Oaker was wearing a piece of rotten lettuce around his neck for good luck and to shove it back in the face of the Lethislavania people. Somehow, the rotten lettuce seemed to be inspiring Flash and he was making some very good attempts. Twice in the opening 10 minutes of the half he hit the cross bar, and another time his very weak but crafty effort was cleared off the line. After a substitution that saw Pond Oaker come in for Freddy Oaker the sharks had a new burst of steam. Pond was putting many great chance in the box and a short pass to Flash Oaker resulted in a quick shot and a goal for Oaker. The Oaker defense did not allow more than just one shot on goal the rest of the game and the Sharks held on to win 1-0 over The Eagles Nest to advance to the Quarter Finals. The Sharks will be preparing hard, and it is possible that they will need a whole head of rotten lettuce to pass around for good luck before facing their next opponents who are at this time unknown.

ST: Hejida listeners, I am Sirake Tekim and you are listening to

Jingle: Radio RejisCAST, live from the cup!

ST: Indeed. For us in Lethislavania is Kansu Siki. Hejida Kansu!

KS: Hejida Sirake.

ST: Do you think the team from South Osettia exists?

KS: I am not silly, they do - Just their nation doesn't!

ST: you read the Enquirer?

KS: Of course I did, pretty convincing article.

ST: please tell me you are joking!

KS: You want me to lie?

ST: No.

KS: To use shameless irony?

ST: No.

KS: Then I can't tell you!

ST: Kansu!

KS: Yes?

ST: You are believing this?

KS: Yes

ST: I thought you were more sane!

KS: I thought the same about you!

ST: Come on, it is totally insane to believe a nation does not exist!

KS: Like Brazillico?

ST: Brazillico does not exist!

KS: They even hosted a world cup when not existing!

ST: Yes?

KS: Warnocks Wizards participated in a world cup despite not existing, remember?

ST: Yes?

KS: How is that different from South Osettia?

ST: The UN has a fact book entry about them?

KS: that is faked.

ST: South Osettia exists on maps!

KS: Just to prevent people from checking what really is there.

ST: I give up! You are too insane for me!

KS: Elin, you owe me 1000 lil'kansu'ny!

Elin Ri: (from a distance) Gah!

ST: Was that a bet?

KS: It was!

ST: Hope that you will not meet me when coming home!

KS: Meh!

ST: Anyways, tell me about the lineups!

KS: I will start with the Orange-Blues: Goalkeeper is Jari~n Suni, defenders are Sayiji Hija, Sasijilvenku "Sasi" Dikelesinivetisaru, Jasne Tahi and Lyku Jen. Midfielders are Mijan Jasadajasa, Vikax Xeki~l, Hekit Tana and Nenu Jijil. The forwards are Syku Lyku and Jariakeledema Ky-Inidiviayu.

ST: Lyku Jen instead of Jese Eti~l??

KS: Apparently, I do not know what Hexatux thought about this.

ST: It can not think, it just calculates and executes algorithms.

KS: I do not know which algorihmical encoded rule caused Hexatux to substitute him in.

ST: That sounds more correct.

KS: Well, for the South Osettians: Lane Volante is in goal, Denver Bastow, Emory Artice, Marcelino Standrod and Irwin Mckevitt are defenders, Merlin Hosman, Winfred Corbisiero, Harris Acor and Cruz Ruter are midfielders, Merrill Sigona and Frederic Eastlund are the strikers.

ST: Ah good, will the connection work this time?

KS: I don't think so!

ST: Okay, tell me when you go off!

KS: Yes, I will tell you when the connection is down!

ST: Funny, tell me when you experience problems which can lead to a broken connection!

KS: Always!

ST: Okay, when they worsen!

KS: Always!

(fifth minute)
KS: 4 minutes played, still high tempo, urk, that is an enarly Osettian attack, duel between Sigona'he and Jen'he, not good! (connection breaks down)

ST: Kansu? Kansu???

(tenth minute)
ST: That was "Hasenve il se" from Kurudi Ri. If you ask about news from Lethislavania, the connection is still down

KS: (fades in) ...here is Kansi Siki again, had unexpected problems here and Elin Ri and me did our best to make things run again.

ST: What is the score?

KS: nil all!

ST: Good to hear!

(25th minute)
KS: The Orange-Blues again played a concealed 8-0-2. They had no real chances for counter attacks, but I think they try it again now... Yes, they do, Nenu Jijil and SyDe, get through without problems, SyDe has the ball, passes to Ky-Inidiviayu'he who appeared out of nowhere, and XXXXXXXXXKKKKKKKKKKOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

(64th minute)
KS: Good, "Sasi" won that duel, passes upfields to Jasadajasa... they are starting a counter attack, Nenu Jijil has the ball, Denver Bastow already played better, he was pretty simply outsmarted here. syDe is in good position, but he does notn pass, he shots directly.... XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXKKKKKKKKKKOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! That is the 2:0!

(end of the match)
KS: That is the final whistle, the Orange-Blues advance into the quarter final.

ST: JIIIEEEE! Do you know our opponent there?

KS: Indeed I know, it is (connection breaks down)