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Adam Island

09-12-2004, 02:13

SECOND PLACE!!!

ADAM CITY, CAPITAL- The Adam Island National Football Team won their fourth consecutive match over The Reformed Islands of Kylaai 4-1 and moved into 2d place in the tough Group 7 for the WCXIX Qualifiers.

The game began in The ADAMDOME, site of all five of AI's home games, all of which they have won. The stadium seats over 100,000 fans and caters to the professional football, baseball, basketball and 4-down football teams in Adam City, as well as all games for Adam City State University athletic teams. Aside from a small problem with the waterworks when Hiiraan came to visit, the facilities are among the best in the nation. It may lack the history and charm of Adam Park or Adam County Stadium, but it is considered a national treasure and the AIFO takes every opportunity to show it off.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/spartacus_007/Adam%20Island/adamdome.jpg
The ADAMDOME. Stock footage

But enough about The ADAMDOME. Adam Island started out strong, with Jeremiah Lipski, who just helped the Adam County football club clinch the domestic championship, sending the ball to hometown heroine Adelaide Haakenson for the first goal of the match. She crossed through the goal area, outrunning defenders and slicing it past keeper Mandoo Nania.

Adam Island fans went nuts. AI had lost their last group match against Kylaai, 4-2 in the once-nudist island chain. They brought out their red and white Kylaain flags and began to torch them to the ground. They stuck fascimile heads of Kylaai forward Mazu Kazu on the top of pointed sticks and waved them in the air. One group of fans had even obtained photos of the players' children, made eight-foot tall poster copies, and began to burn them around the stadium. Adam Island fans aren't very polite.

A run by the Kylaai offense failed to silence them, as goalkeeper Paco Naccarato snatched Kazu's kick from across the goal. He had struggled early in the tournament, giving up more goals than AI scored, but since yesterday and his 'miracle save,' he has returned to the top form we saw from him in the Baptism of Fire.

Just before injury time in the first half, Kylaai's Lital Tirar made a handball in front of the goal, giving Haakenson the penalty shot. It bounced off the top post, floating high in the air almost like a hit baseball. Swift-footed Twilla Novello ran up and somehow managed to head it in, to the embarassment of Nania and the delight of the capacity crowd.

The second half saw another Haakenson goal, and bicycle kick over the heads of defender Hito Burrito and keeper Nania. It almost seemed like AI was just toying with the team that had dominated them in the first match.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/spartacus_007/Adam%20Island/kylaai.jpg
Quattlebaum outruns two Kylaain midfielders. Source: STAN

Finally, Kazu got his chance against Naccarato. His first shot was punched out by the keeper, but he dodged in and got another one behind Paco, putting the score at 3-1. Fans began to burn their minature Kazu-kabobs and brandished them at the field. Its a good thing Adam Island has a culture with a strict taboo on cheating and fan interference, or the Kylaai team would not have left the arena alive.

Despite her large number of goals, Haakenson has only had one hat trick, and none in the World Cup. She got the ball and raced down the field with only minutes left in the game. Both sides were playing more leisurely, as everyone knew Kylaai had lost the game. Haakenson dashed down like a madwoman, and shot a powerful ball straight at the keeper from the top of the box.

Almost straight at the keeper, anyway. The ball ricocheted off the left post and fell to the side. Haakenson ran up, but the keeper wouldn't give her a good shot. Just then, a fan behind the pitch shouted the keeper's name.

"Mandoo!" she said, in the sort of voice you'd use to get a friend's attention. Well, it worked, and Mandoo instinctively turned and glanced behind him, giving Haakenson just enough time to kick the ball right in his face and into the goal.

Adam Island has won again, and gone from last place to second in what was thought to be the hardest group in the cup. Their experience from the Baptism of Fire to guide them, AI has defeated some of the top nations in the world, including famously destroying two-time champion Rejistania twice in a row.

LAST GAME: AI 4, KYL 1

NEXT GAME: AI @ ESTH

Preview: Adam Island defeated Esth 1-0 at home in their only meeting. Esth was originally a pick for qualifying, but has fallen to fifth place. Playing Esth on their home field should be much different than in The ADAMDOME however, so the Adam Islanders will have to bring their A-game.

Svecia

09-12-2004, 02:40

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

AGE IS RAGING AGAINST THE SVECIKAN MACHINE
Game against The Immaculate Youth brings to light the question of the Lightning´s aging stars

Huahin 1 Svecia 3

- Talk has surfaced recently about the quality of the Svecikan National Voetbal team. Many people complained about the Lightning´s lack of quickness, which the team has always prided itself on, due to the aging of its players. While it is true that the average age on the team is 31 years, the Lightning have shown they can prevail with smart play. A recent string of multi-goal victories has shown that the team is still capable of scoring. It remains to be seen if they can still prevail against the top sides in this World Cup. The qualifying performances haven´t shown it yet.

Teams still to come are Commerce Heights, Cockbill Street, and Oddslavo - two of which beat Svecia earlier. But the team still cant look past its next opponant, The Immaculate Youth, which, if their name describes their team at all well, means the Lightning will need to regain some of their agility if they want to rain on TIY´s parade.

After a rough period, in which the Lightning lost 2 of 3 matches, and nearly drew the third if it hadn´t been for Mikael Solskjaer´s late strike, Svecia has rebounded to beat the last three teams by a combined score of 11-1. If the Lightning could post a goal differential like this against the next four teams, they would be assured a spot in the finals.

Bedistan

09-12-2004, 02:48

BSTV Sports Tonight
with Ken Jenkins and Mike Michaels

Ken: And now we turn to the World Cup. Qualifying continues, and the Lions headed to Hammerund today. Thankfully, the team has recovered from last month's incident and restored credibility to itself with a comfortable 3-0 win over Hammerund. Despite this, or indeed possibly because of it, many commentators in other Group Nine nations such as Big Pimento and Shonar Bangla are crying foul, saying that Bedistan threw the Eystrck match. Care to shed some light on that allegation, Mike?

Mike: I'd be glad to. The folks in Bangla are saying that we let Eystrck win that match in an attempt to make it harder for Shonar Bangla to qualify. It is true that apart from the top two teams, this group is far too close to call, with just four points separating third from seventh. But this allegation that the BFA threw the match is a pretty high charge, and one with no basis in reality. I mean, first of all, if that was our intent, why would we choose that match to throw? Eystrck is the opponent against which an out-of-place loss is most egregious, and would be the one most likely to rouse suspicion, as we're seeing now. The folks at the BFA are much more intelligent than that, and would've picked a relatively safer match to deliberately lose. Big Pimento is the opponent I'd be thinking of here, because they would be the ones most likely to defeat the Lions apart from Lovisa, and falling to Lovisa wouldn't hurt Bangla in the least. It just doesn't add up. Poppycock, I say.

Ken: And of course, that's not all. Both Shonar Bangla and Big Pimento are effectively accusing the team of deliberately losing the match just to show that they could -- that they could afford to just throw three points to the wind like it was nothing. While in most cases that's probably true, Bedistan is a very proud footballing nation, and none of the players would possibly have consented to such a move. If overruled, they would've come to the press and told the nation about it. We don't throw points away, unlike another nation I could mention but won't name, though anyone from the nation in question, one of Bedistan's arch-rivals, probably knows to whom I refer. Simply put: these guys do not have any idea what they're talking about, and I really think it's poor sportsmanship to be criticizing the team and its management about a match that absolutely nobody on the first or second team could play in due to illness. I played gridiron in high school myself, was pretty good at it, made the all-provincial team, but I know there's no way I could've possibly played while suffering from acid reflux. Football is no different.

Mike: Well said. And if that won't silence our critics, next month's match against Shonar Bangla will. We got a fairly narrow 2-1 victory away on Matchday 4, and our home record so far has been a shaky 2-1-2, compared with 4-1-0 away. The Lions are gonna feel like they've got something to prove to those plucky Banglans, and expect them to come out clicking on all eight cylinders. Bangla's gonna have to be playing at their absolute best to avoid a total rout.

Ken: Coming up after this commercial break: What's going on with the Champions League? An unexpected delay is worrying the participating clubs and their fans. We'll leave you for the moment with this standings table for World Cup Qualifying Group 9, with Lovisa as the only nation whose destiny is currently known; everything's up for grabs everywhere else, and in fact the Lions can still finish in any position at all, from first to last.

GROUP 9
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts Qual Rem Best Worst
[Q] Lovisa 9 8 0 1 29 9 +20 24 -- 9 1st 2nd
[2] Bedistan 9 5 2 2 16 10 +6 17 6 9 1st 7th
[3] Big Pimento 8 3 2 3 19 16 +3 11 12 12 2nd 7th
4- Hammerund 8 3 1 4 8 15 -7 10 -- 12 2nd 7th
5- Raptor Claw 9 2 2 5 12 16 -4 8 -- 9 2nd 7th
6- Shonar Bangla 8 2 2 4 9 21 -12 8 -- 12 2nd 7th
7- Eystrck 8 2 1 5 13 18 -5 7 -- 12 2nd 7th

Qual = Points needed to ensure qualification
Rem = Possible points that can be earned in remaining matches
Best = Best possible position
Worst = Worst possible position

* There may be minor errors in best/worst calculations because I'm too darn lazy
to figure out who still has to play whom.

Legalese

09-12-2004, 02:53

Don: Legalese just won’t say die, will they?

Jim: Indeed, Don. Welcome to Soccer Night in Legalese, folks. We come to you tonight from Legalese, where the Black and Red are on a push to take the qualifier down to the final day. A 3-2 redemption victory over El Cid the Hero continues a 4-match winning streak!

Don: Now, who expected this, honestly? I know that Legalese came in as the dark horse shot to make the final three from this group, and showed what could happen with the draw to Kaze Progressa, but after dropping the next 4, it looked like that was it for the Black and Red.

Jim: Let’s recap tonight’s match. The action started early, as Sid Kan, the subject of controversy in the first match up at El Cid, drove in to score goal number one in the 12th minute.

Don: It was a great run for Kan, but you know that had to incite the Legalese backs, and it showed later. In the 29th minute, Jack Wigginson makes the daring switch to charge up the pitch, nailing home a shot from 20 yards out to equalize matters.

Jim: Wigginson’s moved like I’ve never seen out of him before. For a big guy like him to have that touch, it was just amazing.

Don: The match would remain knotted as the teams entered the tunnels at halftime, but it wouldn’t take long for tempers to flare in the second half. Look here, as Phil Templar places a hard tackle on Kan. Now, it looked clean, and there was no whistle, but it’s obvious, from the look on his face, that Kan didn’t like it.

Jim: We’re not sure what happened next, but it appears as if Phil said something to him, right there. Now, as he goes away, you can see Kan take a hard swipe at the legs of Templar, taking him to the ground.

Don: Good work on the officiating crew here to step in and keep things from boiling over immediately, with Kan being shown the Red Card. Templar was carted off, with Earl Smith dropping back, and Oliver Rodd coming into the game. It seemed like a good move at the time, as Rodd helped push forward a ball scored by Jonny Lambert in the 63rd minute, but I’m sure Manager Robbie Heard was regretting that move shortly thereafter. You see Rodd here, talking with Krell Cumberland here, then down goes Cumberland!

Jim: Fortunately for the Black and Red, the ensuing rumble only claimed Rodd. Wigginson would receive a caution however, as would El Cid’s Homer Dent.

Don: With the loss of Rodd, Legalese stuck in a 3-4-2 formation, which paid off in the 71st minute, on this beauty by Carlos Manachev. Three defenders there, three! Yet, he still slips in ,and puts the his 3-1 signature on the match.

Jim: A late goal would come in for El Cid, but Legalese would walk away with their fourth consecutive victory, a 3-2 win over El Cid the Hero.

Don: A badly needed one for the Black and Red, Jim, but they all are badly needed at this point.

Jim: Indeed, Don. As we can see, Legalese is in fifth at the moment, with Kaze Progressa and The Weegies both six points ahead. Legalese has met both of these sides twice, winning the return bouts, so there’s no way to catch up in the points there. Matches with Chonchland, Munchkinloopa, and Sliponia should help Legalese in the tables, not that they necessarily did first time around. Meanwhile, Kaze Progressa and The Weegies not only have both NEWI Cefn Druids and El Cid the Hero in their fixtures to play, but they will meet in The Weegies on the final matchday, while Legalese is in Sliponia.

Don: It certainly is not over for the Black and Red. Speaking of which, does anyone know what colors they’ll have to wear in NEWI Cefn Druids?

Jim: Beats me. Long as they keep the Rejistanian kits in the closet this time.

Rejistania

09-12-2004, 11:50

OOC: Hiiraan does apparently not feel well about others chosing his scorers...

Rumble in the Jungle, chaos in Sike

The Orange-Blues defeated the team of Hiiraan by a 4:2 scoreline. The Orange-Blues played again a very attacking style of match and the 2 conceded goals were considered as a disgrace. Fans started chanting pro-System-Karela chants, some even want Myk Linkosa (who makes LaxTa appear to be a friend of suicidal attacks) to replace SyLy. Salakerijasamenatira "Sa" Harakemindanutikejil scored a hattrick against the team, which has no conecpt of defense of any kind but despite this success of the seleke player, the shock about the leaky defense affected the rejistani fans very much. In a country where it is better to play 0:0 than to lose 5:6 and the "devensi tekne" (world class defense) was a symbol of national pride, the high number of conceded goals against new nations was a catastrophe.

The day after the match, the article of the C-Mail found its way to Rejistania, where it was translated into many different languages and dialects and caused instant chaos. Fans demonstrated in front of the headquarters of the ASR in Sike kali. The trains, busses, cars, bycyles and other means of transport caused the biggest traffic jam, Sike ever saw. The demonstration reminded of a siege - and lasted for hours. Teke Daran and his staff inside the building were totally unprepared for such an event. It took the ASR about 3 hours to prepare themselves to make an announcement. Teke Daran then annouced in a few sentences that 'personal consequences' would result from this affair. Jen Y would take over the position of coach temporarily. Jen Y would take over this position permanantly if the Orange-blues manage to defeat Les Bleus.

Audioslavia

09-12-2004, 12:49

THE MORNING SPORTING JAM
Your daily right-wing scum newspaper

Links Zwo Drei Vier, Turori/TBF is near
'Slaves March to World Cup

A comfortable 4-0 victory away from home, and Audioslavia are through to world cup 19, their fourteenth finals tournament in a row. Whoopdedo. Now, to try and drum up some excitement in what is really just an RP to make sure the 'slaves dont explode like ratbags in the finals tournament. Look here reader, we have to beat everyone in the world at football because, well, uh, they have weapons of mass destruction and they are going to attack us and... um... well heres a dead foetus from some foreign country, heres a Hendrix album that some foriegner burned, come on, lets get motivated behind this shit! Woo! Kill the foreigners! Beat their defences!
Woo!

What do you mean you don't care?

What do you mean you 'love' everyone?

Don't you remember the tale of Lemmitania? They loved everyone and they still found time to GO KICK SOME ASS!!! look that this for evidence!

Nations that have had their asses kicked by Lemmitania so far:

1. Snub Nose 38 - ass kicked by steel-toed boot

2. Kaze Progressa - ass kicked by pocket fluff

3. Quohog - ass kicked by one entire Lemmitanian soldier

4. Errinundera - ass kicked by pocket fluff left over after invasion of Kaze Progressa

5. Oglethorpia - ass kicked with unkind words

6. TnUI - ass kicked with sarcasm

7. Pure Evil - ass kicked by crappy luck

8. Liverpool England - ass kicked by a belt buckle

9. Giant Zucchini - ass kicked by half a pencil we found in our pocket

10. The Belmore Family - ass kicked by left sock

11. Aquilla, baby - ass kicked by right sock

12. Haraki - ass kicked by other half of pencil (leftover from Giant Zucchini asskicking)

13. Runaway Moose - ass kicked by hat

14. Bedistan - ass kicked by business end of a pack of Juicy Fruit

15. Lunatic Goofballs - ass kicked by Audrey Hepburn’s name on a wadded-up piece of paper, mailed to Goofball Island

16. Europa Brittania - ass kicked by Ion Cannon
note to EB: can you lend us an Ion Cannon?

17. Tanah Burung - ass kicked by sneaker that was originally earmarked for SN38 asskicking

18. Audioslavia - asskicking rescinded

19. LordSquall - Dude, LordSquall is nuts. I’m not even bothering with him.

20. Timway - ass kicked by handful of raisinettes

21. Nevershadow - After all the b****ing Nevershadow did on the WC6 signup thread about whether they’d been added to the list, you’d think they might have posted a couple of match RPs. Ass kicked by rubber hose. You didn’t think we had rubber hose technology, did you? Well, we do!

22. Halfassedstates - ass kicked by Gilmeecian Prickly Thorntree pricker. Yeeouch!

23. Ironchefk - ass kicked by some bad sushi. You didn’t think we had bad sushi technology, did you? Well, we do!

24. Dennisov - ass kicked by the slow descent into obscurity

25. Spaam - ass kicked by Al Quds syndrome, apparently

26. Ravenspire - ass kicked by another boot we found. Didn’t think we had another boot, did you? Hah!

27. One Red Dot - ass kicked by an extra button from our shirt

28. Copiosa Scotia - ass kicked by the sudden rise from obscurity

29. Brazillico - who do you think we’ve been saving our other soldier for? Ass kicked by another entire Lemmitanian soldier!

30. Tha Machine - see Audioslavia

31. BK_Samurai - ass kicked by-- oh, never mind. Why kick the dead?

32. Ariddia - ass kicked by, um, lemme find something here... AH! This laptop computer! Yeah, that’ll do.

33. Squornshelous - asskicking postponed until the Lemmitanian military can purchase some new supplies

78. Kingsford - ass collectively kicked by every nation in the tournament

See? And they were pasifists, a word that is so underused in Audioslavia that I CANT EVEN SPELL IT, AND IM A JOURNALIST

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE??!?!?!?! WE WRITE THESE LOVELY ARTICLES ABOUT OUR FOOTBALL TEAM, AND ALL YOU DO IS CHEER THEM ON! Why can't you be like Total 'n Utter Insanity or Kingsford and get to a country and kick the shit out of everyone there who starts speaking all 'foriegn'? You know how shit-kicking Audioslavians are? Even the Lemmitanians had to recind our ass-kicking, RECIND IT! WE CANT EVEN SPELL THAT EITHER! You see, you poor dire little Audioslavians, you shouln't have got rid of Herr Jaffacake because now I, Donald Rum'n'Raisinsvelt, am in charge. YOU WILL BOW TO ME, OR YOU WILL DIE! MWUHAUAGHAUAGHUA

MWUHAUAHAUA

MWUAH

MWUHA!

I've been Donald Rum'n'Raisinsvelt, you have been SCUM! GOODBYE!

Audioslavia

09-12-2004, 13:27

THE EVENING SPORT SOCIAL
Your daily namby-pamby left-wing journal

Blummin' Raisins!
Rival Paper Causes Stir

Well, since the famous Soundgardian on Sunday disbanded a few weeks ago, everyone has gone off and joined one of the two papers that have sprung up. All the dickheads went to the Sporting Jam, and we enlightened folks have formed the paper you are reading now, the Sporting Social

Unlike the Jam, we will give you in-depth analysis, whilst the Jam - when it can be bothered - will probably just spout a load of propaganda and try and piss everyone off. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. I used to work in TnUI don't you know...

Anyway, the Jam had an article this morning about Audioslavia's infinite power over everyone, well i say.... poppycock! The average Audioslavian will bow down to even the dumbest of animals - the Lemmitanian. Observe!

Key:
Clem = Clem Gilson, Lemmitanian Analyist
Gil = Gil Lemson, Lemmitanian 'Analyist'
Jeremy = Jeremy Jaffacake, Audioslavian Journalist
Bob = Bob. Audioslavian Analyist
Bill = Bill Flowerpotmann, Audioslavian Commentator
Ben = Ben Flowepotmann, Audioslavian Commentator

DUM DUM DUMMM!!!

*cut to a black screen with sound effects of tables being thrown and windows smashed*

"FOR THE LAST TIME, GET OUT"

"YOU AUGHTA WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE MATE!"

"AT LEAST WE SPEAK A LANGUAGE IN AUDIOSLAVIA!"

"WELL YOU 'AINT THERE NOW ARE YA? YOU WANNA PROTECT YOUR KNEES NEXT TIME YOU GO DOWN AN' ALLEY!"

"WE DONT EVEN HAVE ALLEYS IN AUDIOSLAVIA, WE ARENT A COUNTRY FULL OF SHANTIES AND SLUMS!"

*door opens, light turns on showing the plush blue Audioslavian commentary box*

"What the HELL is going on here? Gil? what are you doing in the 'slavian commentary box?"

Gil: Mel! will you tell this geezer 'ere that THAT IS MY CRATE OF ORANGE JUICE

Mel: Gil, you dont drink orange juice

Gil: 'ow do you know that? its my FAVORITE drink! just ask my mate Zacko

Mel: Zacko?

Gil: he's a rapper, Mel

Jeremy: dudes, people, were like, on air on Channel One right now...

Gil: Channel One? the wildlife channel?

Jeremy: wha? no, like, Channel One in Audioslavia.... hey guards do you wanna lead Bob out of the room? i think he's gonna kill that little guy with the weird British accent

Gil: you what?

Jeremy: Nevermind, could you like, get out? or keep quiet? were trying to broadcast here.

Gil: thats fine by me, i'll just sit here drinking my OJ

Bob: THATS MY FUCKING OJ YOU SWINE!!

Gil: oi! dont you go raisin' your voice at me!

Jeremy: raisin? where? ive got like, the munchies SO bad dude

Mel: the angry skinny 'slave is right Gil, it IS his Orange Juice, well im certain it isnt yours anyway

Gil: and 'ow do you know that? i like orange juice, it helps cure knee-joint-breakdown, like the Zacko song

Mel: Gil, by any chance are you refering to one "Zack De La Rocha"?

Gil: yeah, that Zacko song, thats wot i said

Mel: Za..

Gil: Can i get a Joint?
Can i get a joint?
tell me wats the point
cos i wanna BREAK-DOWN!

Jeremy: hey cool its that Cypress Hill/Zach De La Rocha song, "Joint Explosion"

Mel: Gil, are you sure that song is about Knee-Joint-Breakdown? its not about.. you know.. marijuana?

Gil: Its about both, its ambidextrous Mel

Mel: you mean ambiguous

Gil: wot? no Mel it doesnt have any arms

Mel: Gil you got them mi...

Gil: anyways its all legal 'ere Mel, maroowaaana

Mel: no it isnt, were in public

Gil: nah were in a room, no one can see you, light up Mel

Mel: ITS BEING BROADCAST TO THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF AUDIOSLAVIA, WE ARE IN PUBLIC, BECAUSE OVER ONE AND A QUARTER BILLION PEOPLE CAN SEE US

Gil: they must think your a tit mate, anyway its all legal in Audioslavia, ses so 'ere it does.

Mel: i am NOT a tit Gil, YOU make me look like a tit, in any case, why does its legality in Audioslavia make it legal here? were in Lemmitania

Gil: its like, wotsit, the Audioslavian embassy in Lemmington. Inside that embassy its Audioslavian law

Mel: its nothing like the embassy Gil.. hey who are you

Guard: dude im a guard, ive gotta like, kick you out of this room now cos these two people need to commentate on the game

Gil: this is my commentary box, im Dean of Lemmitanian Sports dont you know?

Jeremy: Really? cool, Bob maybe you should give him your orange juice after all, hey quit toking on air

Bob: wha? no he can have the oj, it looks too much like jesus right now

Gil: dont you go lumberin Jesus on people, give us that oj 'ere

Mel: Gil? were going now, we have our own commentary box, remember?

Gil: nah im stayin' 'ere Mel, the view of the pitch is better

Mel: no, its worse, theres a bicycle blocking the view of one of the goals

Gil: exactly, the less i see, the more i can blame you

Jeremy: dude its cool, we'll move next door to yours

Mel: no, its ok dont worry, i'll drag my friend out

Gil: you can leave me alone Mel!

Bob: hey look after the oj man, it has like, wings

Jeremy: come on bob, the drinks dont fly in the Lemmitanian box

Bob: i want to go.. to.. the.. blue room... <----(anyone guessing the film reference gets a free Audioslavian football shirt )

Jeremy: its ok, they have a green room y'know dude

*door closes, much skuffling is heard from the new members of the Audioslavian commentary booth.

*cut to Lemmitania - Audioslavia match, over 20 minutes have been played and the score remains 0-0.

[Half-time]

Commentator:...and even if it was a panda, he shoiuldnt have picked a fight with Richmond like that, back to you in the studio Jeremy..

*camera cuts to a shabby, small room, with torn up red carpet and half-mutilated headphones littered everywhere*

Jeremy: dude, were back, and were winning!

Bob: one fuhken nil! harsh!

Jeremy: tell everyone about the goal dude!

Bob: it was like, a minute ago, you tell it

Jeremy: fine, well there was a cross from that guy, and the quantum guy went up for the header and missed it, and Mayfair came in from the other side, beat the other quantumdude to the ball and buried it, were gonna beat the Lemmings dude!

Bob: theres 2 guys called Quantum?

Jeremy: nah theres like 5, there all numbered on this team-sheet. it has a weird word on top of it

Bob: what word?

Jeremy: "Roster"

Bob: Roster? what in the fuck is a roster?

Jeremy: fuck knows, its Lemmitanian isnt it?

Bob: of course.

Jeremy: we'll be back after these short messages

...

Jeremy: welcome back to Lemmitania, where Audioslavia and Lemmitania are battling it out in match 2 of World Cup Six.

Bob: were 1-0 up!

Jeremy: the stoners right dude, we went ahead a few minutes before the break with a bullet volley from Mayfair. Other than the scoreline tho the games pretty even. Lets go back to the action with our commentators Bill and Ben.

Bill: weve just kicked off the second half

Ben: or "the duo-quarter of two" as the Lemmitanians and Brazilicans of this world probably call it, heh

Bill: this studio is icky, theres lemming poo everywhere

Ben: dude that aint poo

Bill: well its lemming somehing

Ben: well thats right in a way...

Bill: how?

Ben: well ages ago, this part of lemmitania was just rock, at the bottom of a cliff

Bill: ummm..ok

Ben: well how do you get soil? Rock doesnt turn into soil so easily, you need some form of fertiliser...

Bill: ummm.;.. ok

Ben: and this used to be the bottom of a cliff.... in the land of the lemmings...

Bill: dude.;....ew... so this stadium is...

Ben: built on lemmings. By lemmings.

Bill: Gross :/

Ben: either way, Lemmitania have started the second half better off, they have a corner

Bill: taken by Quantum 4, over to Quantum 2.,.. why isnt there a Quantum 1?

Ben: he retired

Bill: ah..... FUCK theyvee scored :/

Ben: godammit, not even 3minutes into the second half its 1-1 :/

Bill: so what if it stays this way?

Ben: we go to one point, lemmitania go to four points, and if Spaam win that means we need to thrash Cobra Cult and hope that Spaam beat the Lemmings. Otherwise were out

Bill: shit dude :/ theyre still attacking WILL YOU GUYS FUCK OFF, THIS ISNT DOING AUD's WORLD CUP BID ANY GOOD

Ben: umm.. Bill

Bill: yes i know i just realised :/ well i hope ONE of us gets through

Ben: thats the spirit!

Bill: and i hope TnUI get buttraped!

Ben: noooo, you liiiikkee TnUI, they are our fffriirrennddssss

Bill: wtf? no way theyre a bunch of sarcy twat.... oh yes, i see....

Ben: see? we have to be nice to everyone so we can take money off them through merchandising etc

Bill: so like, no ripping the piss out of anyone?

Ben: no

Bill: not even TnUI?

Ben: not EVEN TnUI, ESPECIALLY not TnUI

Bill: what about Pure Evil?

Ben: well you can go ahead with him, who the fuck cares

Bill: woohoo!

[cop out] *not a lot happens for the next 40 minutes*
[/cop out]

Bill: with even more pandas than before... back to you in the studio Jeremy

Jeremy: cheers, well the games ended 1-1, and im hungry and Bob wants his orange juice back, oh yeah, and Audioslavia are pretty much fucked, ciao bitches.

Observe, how the Lemmitanians kicked the Audioslavians out of the commentary box. As you can see, we don't need any sensationalist digging-up of the past to promote jingoism in you, the people, we just need some spectacular facts from the non-present to get you all on our side.

I've been Noam Moore, au revoir comrades

Jeruselem

09-12-2004, 13:39

Jeruselem Government News

Oceaice's Eleven fail to fire

Everyone's seen Ocean's Eleven, but Oceaice's World cup Eleven was not as successful as them. They played the super-dangerous Jeruselem who had lost only one game like Crystilakere. They need to beat Jeruselem to displace Iansisle who were quite a few points ahead of them. Jeruselem prevailed 2-1 to leave them 8 points behind Iansisle and 14 behind Crystilakere and Jeruselem.

There is no guy called Ocean running the Oceaice's world cup team.

As it stands, Oceaice and Lethislavania need to win most of their games and hope the leaders go easy on everyone else for their last games. Group 3 is one-sided but the top 3 have earned their positions with wins while the others have not stood up to be counted.

Iansisle rolled on with a thumping 5-2 win against Lethislavania and Crystilakere beat Runaway Moose 2-0 to leave them with only 3 points. 7JM had a bye and they only have three points as well.

Group 3
Lethislavania 2 - 5 Iansisle
Runaway Moose 0 - 2 Crystilakere
Oceaice 1 - 2 Jeruselem
Bye (7JM)

Group 3--------- -
[1] Jeruselem 9 8 0 1 28-10 24
[2] Crystilakere 9 8 0 1 24-9 24
[3] Iansisle 9 6 0 3 22-11 18
4- Oceaice 8 3 1 4 11-20 10
5- Lethislavania 9 2 1 6 17-24 7
6- 7JM 8 1 0 7 9-22 3
7- Runaway Moose 8 1 0 7 4-19 3

Piquantrax

09-12-2004, 13:45

As group 10 competition heats up so does the Piquantrax team.
Although in 6th, which is surprisingly not last, tension is building in the locker room.

It is reported that two of the players, John Q, and his team mate, Jewpac Shakur, got into a scuffle after yesterday's loss. Apparently Jewpac was disappointed when Mr. Q missed a nearly open shot on the goal. Q was said to have shot back saying:
"Well, if the pass had been to me, rather than 10 feet ahead of me, I might have scored."
This is what lit the fuse, because Jewpac had been the midfielder who made the pass.
And soon enough they were at blows. The fight was broken up by team mates and the two are yet to speak on the incident. There is a press conference scheduled for later in the day.

Snub Nose 38

09-12-2004, 15:07

Scuttlebutt - Morning Edition

Maudlin Meltdown at Ministry
Sten Remington Grey

The Minister of Anthropology, Archeology, and Obscure References for the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 melted into a small pool of nostalgia this morning over breakfast. Medical help arrived from Saint Swithens Hospital after a short delay - it took the Minister's...um..."assistant"...10 minutes to look up the phone number for "911".

The Minister is currently under sedation, resting quietly in the Intensive Stupidity Ward. She was mumbling something about "krill", or "jill" or some-such as the attending physician, Dr. Paddy O'Furniture, administered the sedative.

Dr. O'Furniture is of the opinion that something recently in the news caused the Minister's meltdown. The Minister was reviewing the international news (yesterday's late papers and this morning's early editions) over breakfast. Two papers from Audioslavia are being carefully reviewed in hopes of determining the cause of the Minister's meltdown. One is a copy of THE EVENING SPORT SOCIAL "Your daily namby-pamby left-wing journal", which was found on the floor near the little pool of nostalgic minister, opened to an article titled Blummin' Raisins. The other is THE MORNING SPORTING JAM "Your daily right-wing scum newspaper", found spread out over the Ministers scrambled eggs, with grease stains from the Ministers breakfast sausage on an article titled Links Zwo Drei Vier, Turori/TBF is near.

Get Well cards and/or flowers may be sent to the Ministry of Anthropology, Archeology, and Obscure References at the Ministers office, or to Saint Swithens Hospital. They will be collected and sent to needy families, as the food banks are running rather low.

Audioslavia

09-12-2004, 18:20

THE MORNING SPORTING JAM
Your new daily right-wing scum newspaper

Social Outcasts
Poofter Lefties Get it Wrong Again

Last night the so called newspaper 'The Sporting Social' decided to have a go at us. THE CHEEK! SINCE WHEN WERE THE LEFT CORRECT ABOUT ANYTHING?! Jesus Christ! Remember when, in the Audioslavian right-wing's finest hour, we shot the President Khan Jennedy in the head from that grassy knoll? Those DUMB F**K LEFTIES decided to make a huge conspiracy about it, saying some stupid loner shot him from a window! ARE THERE ANY LENGTHS THE LIBERALS WON'T GO TO??!?! WHAT A STUPID DUMB-SHIT LIE! YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE ROAD FROM THAT WINDOW!

Why do they do it?! Blame us for everything, pah! Theyre wrong, they always have been. They said Jeremy Jaffacake was being 'crude' when he said "G'nite bitches" on the end of every sport programme, and then kicked up a bigger fuss when he kept saying it in newspapers! And then what happened? Thats right, we qualified for World Cup 6, football got popular again and, ooh, all of a sudden that lefty namby-pamby government decides that old potty-mouth gets an OBE for services to football. Well fuck me sideways with a link of sausage and call me Eileen Dover!

Right, you leftie shmucks, you got all worked up about this the first time, whatcha gonna do about it now? Say its 'art'?

DUM DUM DUMMM
Welcome to Channel One news

The 'slave team were cheered off the field today after their strong two-nothing win over newcomers Great White today. Goalscorers Benson and Richmond were 2 of the more talented hopefuls that graced the Audioslavia national leagues in recent years and their good showing has lead to a strong start to the campaign.

Audioslavia's opposition in group B are all newcomers to World Cup Football and are expected to be of a similar standard, so a succesful qualification run is expected, and needed if Audioslavia are to shake off the tag of "World Cup laughing stocks"

The goals were a header by Benson in the first 10 minutes and a beautiful chip by Richmond in the second half. Audioslavia are tied for the lead after one game but down in third because of goal-difference.

In other news tonight, Audioslavia's sister nation Republic Of Tha Machine were dissapointinly beaten 3-2 tonight in their first world cup game. Following a 2-leg loss to Audioslavia in a friendly, Tha Machine have yet to win a game in international football.

This is Jeremy Jaffacake for Channel One news, g'nite bitches

Oh no, of course, you can't be angry about that now, its art, its retro, its old fashioned, its the memories of 'yesterday', give me a break! When we wrest the country back off of you girlie leftie socialist scum were gonna shoot you all against a white wall, you just see if we dont!

I've been Donald Rum'n'Raisensvelt, you have been ASHOLES! Goodbye!

Fmjphoenix

09-12-2004, 18:34

Vikings draw up with One Red Dot, fall down to 4th

This was a match all about defending and great blocked shots, as neither team would allow the other to score, as it ended in a 0-0 draw that may have hurt the Vikings a bit more than it helped. With The Eagles Nest winning thier match, they now have moved ahead of the Vikings by 2 points. Now they need to win down the stretch in order to procure a 3rd place finish, or even if ORD or Melmond has a neucler breakdown, maybe even 2nd place!

Anyway, ORD and Fmjphoenix had a close match the first time around, with ORD getting the edge 2-1. This time around was no different, as both squards came out hard, the only thing was that neither team could shoot today. Both goalkeepers were perfect, as neither team allowed the other to score at all, albeit that ORD was helped by the fact that the duo of Nolan and Mendel were off today, as neither player had a shot that had a chance to go in. The closest that either team came to scoring a goal at all was when an ORD striker too a shot that took a weird bounce on the ground and went the opposite way that Powell Lamar was running, but Lamar made a diving stop of it and it was recovered by Bobby Bash. It was a pretty thrilling match, even though there were no scores.

Now, the Vikings must go face Melmond, the only team to defeat them by a margine of 4 or more points, by the score 6-0. This time around, the Vikings are looking to take it right to them and put Melmond on the run. The team plans on being early to start early drills to get the team warm and prepared for thei toughest match now, as it is must win now.

Fmjphoenix: 0
(None)

One Red Dot: 0
(None)

Audioslavia

09-12-2004, 18:41

THE EVENING SPORT SOCIAL
Your daily namby-pamby left-wing journal

Jam-Fisted Sandwhich
Facetious Righties Get it Wrong

Oh dear oh dear. The Morning Jam got it so wrong today and has made itself to look like a mockery of a sham of a sham of a mockery. Way back when (before the right-wingers had discovered fire), we did have a go at Jeremy Jaffacake, but it wasn't because of his swearing, it was because he kept forgetting how his catchphrase went:

...Their first point seems to have been ignored by the statisticians of The Belmore Family who still have them as having no points

This is Jeremy Jaffacake for Channel One news, tripping out, man

...before forgetting to say any catchphrase at all...

Porvoo grabbed one back in the 85th minute to set up a frantic finalé but it was too little too late. Final Score:
Porvoo 3 - 4 Audioslavia

The 'slaves move into second in the table level with _AMP who held them 3-3 last week. Goodbye.

...before forgetting everything

it was ace, we scored loadsa goals and they didnt, so we won

Its true, anwyay, this has been a channel, bye

A couple of weeks later, he half-remembered the catchphrase. Well, he remembered that he had to offend everyone and say 'g'nite'.

unfortunately now we dont have enough time for the rest of the program so, yeah, g'nite ya bunch of buttmunchers

Of course, it took a foreigner to jog his memory...

*Reappears*, Aright bitches?

But still, dear old Jeremy scuffed his lines at the end of an extra long broadcast:

who the fuck are these guys

I VAGUELY remember Chakra getting bumraped in the last qualifiers, and theyre doing so here too, but who the fuck are these guys? Dannland? Lomina? hangone where have i heard of "The Lowland Clans" before?

fuck knows. weve only got 5 seconds on air apparently

good, bye bye Audioslavia, this your presenter, Jeremy Jaffacake, telling you to fuc *CCCSHSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh transmission ends*

and then the whole sorry cycle of "almost get it - forget it completey - almost get it again - get closer - forget it completey" continued

And that, my friends, is why we got pissed off at Sir Jeremy Jaffacake.

Anyway, on a lighter note, we saw this in an old WC6 paper:

"Belmore & The Promise of Joshua for host!"

Those plucky Belmorians! Well they finally made it all these years later.

G'nite bitches.

Druida

09-12-2004, 18:49

*President Margaret Smith and an unnamed helper of his are sitting in the President's office. Matters turn, once again, to Druida's football team.*

Unnamed helper: "Sir, have you seen that the national football team are doing well again?"

President Smith: "Of course I have! Do you think I pay no attention to what goes on in my country?"

Unnamed helper: "Do you want the flattering answer or the honest one?"

President Smith: "Yes, I have seen that they're doing well."

Unnamed helper: "Well, go on then, tell me which group they're in."

President Smith: "Um... Group... er... oOne?"

Unnamed helper: "You fluked that! That was just the first one you came to, wasn't it?"

President Smith: "No it wasn't, I knew it!"

Unnamed helper: "Oh, yeah? Well, answer me this one - which teams are above them in Group One?"

President Smith: "Ah, I know what you're doing here! You're trying to trick me into saying any old team, aren't you? When in fact, there's no-one at all in front of them! So no-one!"

Unnamed helper: "Sir, the Rainbows are third in Group One, behind Squornshelous and Starblaydia."

President Smith: "Well, that's what I said, wasn't it?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, er, no. But let's not worry about that."

President Smith: "So it looks like they're going to make it easily this time, then? No need for us to get involved?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, actually, three of the four games we have left are against teams ranked lower than us, while three of the fourth placed team's games are at teams ranked higher than them. We can't take this for granted, sir."

President Smith: "Well, I have just the plan to make sure we make it!"

Unnamed helper: "Oh no. Not again!"

President Smith: "What you worrying about? This isn't another Margaretization we're going on about here."

Unnamed helper: "It isn't?"

President Smith: "No. This one goes a lot further than that."

Unnamed helper: "OK then. Tell us more."

President Smith: "Well, back in the day... well, a couple of decades ago, anyway... there were tales of special voodoo dice being used in Melmond to help aid the team."

Unnamed helper: "Go on."

President Smith: "Well, those dice are rumoured to be in either Melmond or The Evil Umpire, though the Druidan Intelligence Agency doesn't know which."

Unnamed helper: "The Druidan Intelligence Agancy? That's the guy who only speaks Rejistanian but still has no translator, yes?"

President Smith: "That's him."

Unnamed helper: "You've had him in place for four years now! And you still haven't got him an interpreter?"

President Smith: "We don't have two cents to rub together at the moment, goddammit! We can't afford one!"

Unnamed helper: "We can't afford one?"

President Smith: "Of course not! Not after the cost of Margaretization."

Unnamed helper: "So if we can't afford a translator for the poor guy, how come we can afford to put a World Cup Hosting Bid in?"

President Smith: "Don't worry about that! NEWI Cefn Druids will cover that should we fly to election victory there like they expect us to. If we win control of Cefn, it's virtually all paid for!"

Unnamed helper: "And if you lose?"

President Smith: "We won't. Not now that the chief of the FANCD is stealing all our main rivals' voters."

Unnamed helper: "Anyway, as you were saying?"

President Smith: "What was I saying?"

Unnamed helper: "About the voodoo dice."

President Smith: "Oh yes. Well, it's kinda like Margarets, we get loads of 'em and use the power of having so many of them! If not that, then we'll just have to steel them."

Unnamed helper: "We can't just steal them! The'll know who we are. You're the president of this Nation, goddammit! They're bound to recognise you!"

President Smith: "We'd get someone else in to do the job, you twerp! Even I'd worked that one out."

Unnamed helper: "So, er... who are we going to send?"

President Smith: "Well, I've got someone in mind..."

Sarzonia

09-12-2004, 19:14

The Stars Universe: YOUR World Cup Preview Show

"Hello everyone and welcome to another edition of the Stars' Universe, brought to you by the Portland Iron Works. Hello, everyone I'm Joe Brandt. Let's take a look at the next match for Sarzonia.

"They'll be facing Atlantian Oceania rivals Antixilian Fatwah with a chance of eliminating them from finals contention. They'll be playing this one at the Round Table in Nicksia, home of the Knights. The Palestra in Woodstock is unavailable due to the political situation in the capital. The Stars are hoping it gets resolved so they can play their finale at Hendrix Stadium if they need to win to advance to the Finals.

"I've got Stars assistant coach Barry Owens on the phone with me from Nicksia. Barry, how are you doing?"

"Just fine, Joe. And you?"

"Good. Listen, you guys have a big match ahead of you?"

"Yeah, well any match is big in the World Cup qualifiers."

"What can you tell us about Antixilian Fatwah?"

"They're a regional rival, that much we know about them. Besides looking at the tapes, there really isn't a whole lot to say there. We have to make sure we keep our focus and not look past them to the match against Lykaia."

"Right. Now, that Lykaia match is going to be the first of two matches on the road. How are you going to get the boys ready to play those?"

"Well, if you need motivation against Audioslavia, you need to get a pulse. They're a good team and they'll likely have punched their ticket to the finals by the time we travel over there. They may be playing out the string or they may be trying some of their young guys. Hell, they could even put Jeremy Jaffacake out there for all we know."

"Right, now what about Lykaia?"

"You know us, Joe. We'll find anything to motivate us. Their comments before the World Cup are still on our bulletin board. I don't have to tell you we'll be ready for that game."

"Okay, last question and I'll let you get back to the training grounds. What about the manhunt situation involving the President and former Vice President for Defense Wilson?"

"The federation is monitoring that very carefully. Basically, they told us to be ready to move the match at a moment's notice. We're thinking if Hendrix isn't safe to play in that we might go to the Iron Bowl, but you can never tell."

"What's your preference, Barry?"

"Well, if everything's equal, you know we want to play in Hendrix. But if it's going to be unsafe, we need to play somewhere we know is going to be safe. That's why we moved this match out of the Palestra. The Iron Bowl is becoming another real good Cup venue for us."

"There you have it folks, thank you for tuning in to another edition of The Stars' Universe. I'm Joe Brandt, back to you in the studio, Connie."

"Thanks Joe. We'll be back after a word from your local stations."

Eauz

09-12-2004, 21:02

Le LIBRE

Answering Machine Messages from Readers

I have watched Les Bleus play, and it always seems they fall under the pressure of winning a match. They get on a roll, and then bam, they hit a block, and need the help of a newbie team just to win again. I doubt Eauz will do well in the cup, as they can't even beat for a second time Adam Island. I predict Eauz falling to 3rd and possibly not even qualifying this cup.

Bah! WTSH did you do to our team? How was it possible that we lost to you? We were unbeatable! Anyways, if well... errr... I will leave my number, just call us up, and name your bribe, errr... the price you want for those new commie books you will be sending us, thanks... 8673-231-29

Damn Eauz, shut up about your crying and complaing. We don't care if you have 1000hours to write an RP, we want to make the WC friendly to ALL users, not just uber users like Rejis and you!

Ha! we pwnD j00 on MD8, and as for the two teams who are expected to win this group, well I'm gonna take over the top position! BTW... did you look at the record I have against Rejis and you? 3 - 0 - 1. W00t!

I know this isn't the proper area to ask this, but I was wondering if Eauz was interested in hosting WC21 with me? I'm sure no one will vote for me and CH, so maybe they will vote for an Eauz/LE? Anyways, think about it, bye...

*End of Messages... Press 1 to repeat, press 2 to delete a specific one, press 3 to delete all of them.

Cockbill Street

09-12-2004, 21:05

ANKH-MORPORK INQUIRER

Inquirer Sued by Crazy Lyku
C-mail Still Denies Guilt

SIKE KALI, REJISTANIA - Syku Lyku has been sacked by the Rejistani football federation following the developments reported in the Inquirer yesterday and the Rejistanis still lying third in the table, we can report today. Jen Y has taken over a Rejistani manager on a temporary basis, as Rejistania will play Eauz in the next match and desperately need a win - or even a 0-0 draw, which is probably better than a win in Rejistania.

Mr Lyku is naturally furious with the board's decision to sack him, and has already decided to sue the Inquirer for printing what he characterised as "downright slander" about the workings of the ASR and himself, and to have "ruined his career as a football manager". However, we have further evidence to support our case today.

For example, why did the meeting at the ASR take more than 3 hours? Surely no association except the WCC can be that bureaucratic and long-winded to decide such a clear-cut case. The Inquirer can reveal that the corruption seems to go much further into the ASR than previously thought. Several members of the meeting genuinely thought that these allegations were false, despite the masses of evidence for it, and they were for a "neutral" investigation - led by themselves, obviously, so they could clear their own name! Besides, a bank clerk in Snub Nose 38, Adam Ant, has admitted to the Inquirer that there has been "unnaturally large" transfers of money from Streetian accounts to a Rejistani account in their bank. He would not, however, reveal the identity of the owners of that account - suggesting that he, too, was involved in the conspiracy. Is there no end to the corruption?

And the C-mail, who have obviously been incriminated by our brave journalists, keep claiming that they have done nothing wrong. They keep saying that all our evidence is made up, that we have ruined the lives of innocent men, and that we do not seem to care about anything but our sales figures. How they can refuse the truth when it is presented in front of them as clear as this is beyond our comprehension, and they seem to be resorting to slander tactics about a competing newspaper - and here were we thinking that the C-mail were an honest, proper newspaper, who wanted to distance themselves from tabloid tactics! Apparently not...

And the Streetians managed to mess up again, by the way. A no score draw with Haperd means that the Street has to win at least three, probably four, of their last four games - and for heaven's sake, don't lose to Nonesuch again!

The Inquirer ratings for Haperd game: Underwood 5 - Joyce 6, Jones 6, Dwarfclobberer 6, Walker 7 (Stronginthearm on 67) - McLavish 4 (Keegan on 71), Stewart 5, Heimfoething 4, Cawdron 3 - Peters 4 (Moissanite 5 on 59), Stubbings 5

COCKBILL STREET 0
HAPERD 0

Shonar Bangla

09-12-2004, 21:23

Good evening Shonar Banglans to the late-night edition of Sports Centre, I am your host Santanu Sen, and this is my lovely co-host Madhumanti. Today, we have a special program for you, and will be joined by manager Rana Ali. We will be back, right after the break.

Madhumanti: Welcome back Bangla, we are now joined by Rana Ali from Bedistan. Mr. Ali, how are you doing?

Ali: I'm doing fine, thank you.

Sen: Rana, can you tell us how is the morale of our boys?

Rana: Well, with the defeats we have taken in the past, especially the type of defeats, we aren't very happy. Now, we find ourselves in a hole, and we must dig ourselves out of it.

Sen: So, are you saying that the boys are demoralized?

Rana: I wouldn't say that, they know they must buck up, sometimes, fear is good.

Madhumanti: How has your preparation been?

Rana: We are following the same routine here, not much of a change.

Sen: How important is today's game in Bedistan?

Rana: It is do or die from here on out. We need to win these last four if we want to keep our fate in our own hands.

Madhumanti: Sir, many here are criticizing your strategies, saying that you are too defensive.

Rana: With defeats like seven to one, there is very little the coach can do. I am not the one who is playing after all. Even if we are defensive, the possibility of a loss is taken out. But we are neither able to defend nor attack.

Madhumanti: So, are you saying that the Shonar Bangla team is lacking in talent?

Rana: No, we are a very talented side, but we are very young side, and this is our first exposure on this arena. We had nothing to lose when we entered here, and even defeats here are beneficiary. Many of our opponents have seen the potential of these kids, like Banerjee, Bose and Bhaimia. Bose recently had an offer from Manchester United, exposures like those will improve our national standard. Also, domestic Shonar Bangla football needs improvement. Many of our players were picked up from the ghettoes randomly, if we really search deep and wide, we will find superstars on every corner.

Sen: Still an optimist ey?

Rana: Why not? A negative view of things always lead to negative things.

Sen: Definitely, just kidding. Next world cup, some of our stars like Mallik will retire, and the current ones will be older as well. Do you see any new talent coming in?

Rana: Well, this World Cup has recently led to an explosion of kids joining professional football clubs, instead of sticking to their muddy street football in the slums. It can only be from clubs that the talent rises to the top, if the government can only guarantee financial aid to promising stars, even if they are failures finally, the stars will show up. The government needs to pool in kids from the high and middle schools, by judging their talent.

Madhumanti: Kind of communist, don't you think?

Rana: What's wrong with that? The option of not following through is always there, but I ask you, how many you think will not take the option of free education if available? It will be a blessing for many, a boost up the ladder society has imposed upon us.

Madhumanti: Yeah, but commies are gay, they kill people that don't think like them.

Rana: Look you little bourgeosie princess, the proletariat will one day take care of little bitches like you.

Madhumanti: **** you, little commie piece of ****.

Sen: Okay, sorry for this thing degrading into a political flame war. Well, so you have it here. We are down but not out. From Sports Centre studio in Shutanuti, I am Santanu Sen and this co-host Madhumanti, we wish you a good night and a victory to Bangla tomorrow.

EL CID THE HERO

09-12-2004, 21:32

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

Next time it's 2 out of 3

Legalese 3 (Wigginson 29 , Lambert 63 , Manachev 71)
EL CID THE HERO 2 (Kan 12 , Gruber 85)

Cards
Dent
Kan
Rodd

As this game drew to a conclusion it was the Legalese fans that had the most to celebrate. by beating the lions they were able to not only keep any realistic hope of qualification alive but be the first team to beat the lions in WC 19

Even before the match started it was clear that this would be an important match for Kan. as the centre of the controversy that sounded the aftermath of the last game he had to prove to the nation and all his fans that they deserved that win. It was therefore not surpassing that it was ECTH that scored first. A cross from Dent and a quick turn by Kan inside the box got him the goal that he wanted.

it was clear however that this goal caused a rift to appear between Kan and one of Legalese's players, Phil Templa,. A witness to the previous game when caused so much controversy between the two sides.

The teams in the first half were finely balanced in cancelling each other out. Both sides getting a goal each. Kan for El Cid and when Wigginson succeeded in doing a switch in the mid-field and producing a resulting like a dustbin lorry with no breaks on a steep hill for the lions side. I.e. ( It goes fast, you can’t stop it and you know the result is going to be bad for you) Legalese got one too. 1-1 thanks to that blinder from Wigginson.

It was at the point that the second half began that the game took on a very different tone. From being a competitive but good spirited game it transformed itself into a hotly contested no holds bard contest. Kan was taken down by a blatant attempt to hurt him and got a Red when he fort back. The player that attacked him got nothing. Krell suffered similar treatment but this time the reef saw sense and gave the attacker a red card for his foundering of the rules. As for Dent, he took down a player as he was in on goal and got a yellow. The game was never the same after that moment.

It was at this point that the lions began to be pushed back. And when a team is on the back foot it’s hard to get the momentum you once had back on your side. In the 67 the lions defence was braced and it was 2-1.

With a goal down the lions tried to maintain their shape and hope for a chance to make a break but it didn’t come and when Manachev got passed Roy Hunter, James Hunter and Dick Branin the lions could tell it was all over.

A conciliation goal from Dent did give the lions some hope but it just wasn’t to be. The lions went home with their first loss of the WC. Doomhammer however is optimistic.

“There is no point in spinning, it we lost and although I may question some of Legalese’s tactics they were the better team on the day. But I am still confident that we can be the team of the group.”

Hopefully the lions can recover for their next game against Chonchland, can the lions go back to wining ways?

READ AND YOU WILL FIND

MD8
EL CID THE HERO 1 - 0 Munchkinloopa

MD9
Sliponia 0 - 4 EL CID THE HERO

MD10
EL CID THE HERO 2-3 Legalese

MD11
Chonchland Vs EL CID THE HERO

MD12
The Weegies Vs EL CID THE HERO

MD13
EL CID THE HERO Vs Kaze Progressa

MD14
NEWI Cefn Druids Vs EL CID THE HERO

Snub Nose 38

09-12-2004, 21:44

ANKH-MORPORK INQUIRER

Inquirer Sued by Crazy Lyku
C-mail Still Denies Guilt

...a bank clerk in Snub Nose 38, Adam Ant, has admitted to the Inquirer that there has been "unnaturally large" transfers of money from Streetian accounts to a Rejistani account in their bank. He would not, however, reveal the identity of the owners of that account - suggesting that he, too, was involved in the conspiracy. Is there no end to...

...snippet from The Remington County Record

Adam Ant, Adam Ant, Wherefor Art Thou, Adam Ant?
Sten Lauren D'Order

A teller at the downtown branch of the Third Multi-National Bank of Sten, Adam Ant, was arrested earlier today by the Sheriff of Remington County on charges of corruption, money-laundering, and halitosis. At approximately 11:30 the Sheriff entered the bank, went 'round behind the counter, and hand-cuffed Mr. Ant. During the Perp Walk, the Sheriff read Mr. Ant his rights - which process took less time than it takes to write.

The odd thing, dear reader, is this - this reporter went to the offices of the Sheriff of Remington County to interview Mr. Ant at about 1:30 - and was informed that custody of Mr. Ant had been transferred to Mr. Jack Cass, Minister of Super Secret Sleuthery.

Following up, I went over to the Ministry of Super Secret Sleuthery, only to be informed that Mr. Adam Ant was not there - had never been there - and would never be there.

Something, as they are wont to say, is rotten in the state of...

Hiiraan

09-12-2004, 22:49

Hiiraan First Telecasted Match, Team Promises To Be The First victory.
The First Game to be Boradcasted, a succses, Anaylst Predict

The First game Hiiraan plays to be broadcasted here in Hiiraan after the bleak disaster that the last satellite of the Hiiraanian Communication Initiative, The first game back will be against the less talented team of kylaia who have been very, very much weakened after losses and losses, Hiiraan also suffered some losses but under the lose of less Money and less talented players, Hiiraan is now both focused and determined to get some points back and go for the win, Nothing less accepted here, said the coach, under constant pressure after the Hiiraanian world learned that has suffered one of the worst losses ever.

The next game against kylaia will be played by the now traded player, Yusuf Ali, he was announced to be traded by the Muqdishu United Team, who have yet to acquire a new midfielder for the position of the last player.
Yusuf Ali was traded to the best team in the hosting nations team Alan city FC, they have been lately surprised with the natural talent that Yusuf brings to the table, he is a good player who has managed to play for His team as good as possible, he is also a golden Boot nominee.

Kylaia Game.

The kylaia game has been predicted to be a WIN; this is from the SC analyst who said that in their sports tribute show "The Sports Center"
The said that "Under the constant pressure made by the kylaian government to better their team, the Hiiraanian team has decided to push forward with its talented midfielders, they are looking to separate the defense and the midfield, this will help them have more possession and more chance to the goal" That comment came from the Mohamud Furmuse, an analyst who has been very predictive in the last years.

From many channels, even channels from outside the nation, all predicted the first Hiiraanian team; the team coach has said this in the press conference right before he left.

"I sincerely hope that the Sports analyst predictions are right, we need a win and a win fast, actually to be very honest, I want this to be the actual results after the GAME, no matter what the score comes out to be in this game, I just hope that Hiiraan comes on top."

The last game played against this team was a win for Hiiraan.

Legalese

09-12-2004, 23:08

---For Immediate Release---

Legalese presents possible kit colors for match with NEWI Cefn Druids

Courtesy of the LAFC

Executive Director Miguel Carnalejo presented a series of colors to the public today, all of which may be possible kits for the Legalese MNT in tonight's matchup with NEWI Cefn Druids.

"We have a set of each for our guys, cause you never know what will happen" said Carnalejo. "After the Orange-Blue fiasco when the Druids came here, we hope to avoid such."

In addition to the normal Black and White kit options, the LAFC has made the following other colors available: Red, Blue, and Pink. The alternate kits can be seen here (http://jdfrew.people.wm.edu/LegaleseSoccerUnis.htm).

In addition, Caranlejo offered a "friendly wager" to the Druids.

"I propose that the loser of this match wear pink kits for the remainder of qualifying" said the Executive Director. "We'll make this in the interest of adding interest to the Calanian Derby."

---For Immediate Release---

Vilita

09-12-2004, 23:29

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif

Nastic Crunch!

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
33' Antonis Siazzu
34' Sublé Tonic
36' Callum Banda
78' Callum Banda

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------------------- Suble Tonic makes a rare appearance and scores his first ever World Cup Qualifying goal just a minute after Titanian Forests of Melmond's on-loan midfield Antonis Siazzu opened the scoring for Vilita. Callum Banda then added to Nastic's blushed by scoring the Jungle Cats 3rd, before adding late to his all time Vilitan Goalscoring Record. The team set an all time World Cup Qualifying Record having 28 corner kicks in the match.

Full Time Analysis:

Vilita

Best Player: Serge DuPont
Worst Player: Jürgen Ramzi
Shots on Target: 16
Corner Kicks: 28

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/teamsheet.gif
Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Esemar Aliana, [D] Emarka Laniora, [DMC] Jürgen Ramzi, [ML] Antonis Siazzu, [MC] Tanner Nerni, [MC] Marasent Sioane, [MR] Sublé Tonic, [FC] Callum Banda, [FC] Serge DuPont,
BENCH::
[FC] Lai Ncube, [FC] Carmine Mbidzo, [M] Inaki Soler, [M] Santo Kecker, [U] Sibusiso Azaïez, [D] Ricky Ezis, [GK] Massimo Corsi,

Vilita Substitutions::
(45) - Antonis Siazzu >>> Inaki Soler
(70) - Emarka Laniora >>> Santo Kecker
(84) - Tanner Nerni >>> Lai Ncube

Vilita

09-12-2004, 23:38

==========Matchday 11 Scores & Tables ========

Lethislavania

09-12-2004, 23:55

Lethislavania Fighting Green

Lethislavania is gearing up for their next game, hoping they can pull off a win against strong team Runaway Moose. Arroy held a press conference this morning.

LSNews - Aroyyo, why do you find this team to be such a threat? Havn;t you beat them before?

Aroyyo - Indeed, however, they have proven to be a good underdog, and my guys have underperformed. We need this win.

LSNews - Any changes expected before next World Cup?

Aroyyo - Hopefully some younger players, and I would like to see the maturation of Thomas' skills. Also, I am sad to say Kerry is leaving our team. I have nothing more to say.

The day ended after Thomas Boeing came out and shook hands. Also, it seems that his marriage may be on the rocks. It's been a while since they've seen each other, and she supposedly was spotted with teamate Cel Karra. More to come on the states of the Fighting Green later tonight.

Shonar Bangla

10-12-2004, 00:45

Bedistan-- "What a day!" exclaimed Adil Siddiqui, after an exhilarating day of football, if not on the field, definitely on the scoreboard. The night went well for the Bangalis, who got ultimate luxury in Bedistan's speciality, beds. For the first time, none of the players were cramped in the morning. At the entrance, it seemed like Lovisa was history, a fresh team strode out on to the Bedistani pitch.

The first was packed with action, with at least 6 close attempts on goal by both sides. However, the scoreline read only 1-0 by the end of the half, attributed to George Washburn's header in the 28th minute off a corner kick from Xavier Parks. There was also a brief flare-up between Arya Roychoudhury and Sam Willow, as a result of which both were given a Yellow Card.

In the intermission, news came in, that Big Pimiento was leading Lovisa 1-0, and the Banglans' resolved that this was to be do-or-die. They were prepared to kill to win. They strode out, and for the first 30 minutes, they kept 80% of the possession, with 9 attempts on goal. Just when the shoulders began to drop, a goal was scored in the most unforseen if circumstances. Under pressure from Adil Siddiqui, Bedistani defendor Ian Hammond made a quick pass to goalie Nick Reagan, perhaps too quick. The ball flew faster than a penalty, into the goal. 82nd minute, 1-1.

At that moment, Rana Ali substituted defendor Mallik for forward Arka Sen, with the message that Lovisa had scored back in injury time. With an added urgency of not giving up the opportunity, Shonar Bangla scored a goal with the perfect execution of a corner-header, the goal going to Deborjyoti Chakraborty.

The equations in Group 9 have now drastically changed. With Hammerund being totally dominated today, their chances diminish drastically, and Raptor Claw moves up the table, although they still have a bye day for all to advance. Meanwhile, Big Pimiento still earned a point, thus hanging on to the much-coveted third position by a thread. The Shonar Bangla team is returning to Murshidabad in a matter of minutes, to face off Hammerund, a team they defeated on their last encounter, and a team totally dominated today by Raptor Claw.

Tomorrow is Raptor Claw's rest day, allowing for Hammerund, Shonar Bangla and Big Pimiento to advance ahead. Big Pimiento will face Eystrk, in a guaranteed victory, thus making Shonar Bangla's task even more difficult, because a victory with Hammerund will only leave them in contention, a defeat will send them home.

The Shonar Bangla team has ordered 15 Bedistani beds, and let it be known, that Shonar Bangla totally respects the patent and copyright laws. We are also prepared to work on lease, although we doubt Bedistan will want used beds with cum stains all over them (our players have sex at least once a day).

Bedistan

10-12-2004, 00:51

Fillmore National Stadium, Sonoma City, 4:52 PM

As a whistle blows loudly from inside the stadium, the capacity crowd emits a great groan. A figure is seen running out the front gate at top speed -- a figure that bears a striking resemblance to Bedistan Lions manager Morris McGarity. He is pulling on his hair and is obviously in severe distress. He is heading south toward the freeway.

Home locker room, Fillmore National Stadium, 5:06 PM

There is complete silence in the room. Nobody dares to speak, as the nearly two dozen players wait agonizingly for McGarity to arrive. They know he won't be happy. But McGarity doesn't come. Midfielder Nick Yu is the first to break the silence.

"Where is he?"

A visibly agitated Jackson Reinhardt spins around to face Yu. "I DON'T KNOW, AND I DON'T CARE EITHER!" he shouts at the top of his voice. Lowering his voice only slightly, he continues. "And just what the hell happened out there? Why did we lose that match? We weren't playing Rejistania! We weren't playing The Eagle's Nest, Vilita, or Iansisle! We weren't even playing Liverpool ****ing England! We were playing Shonar Bangla! And we LOST? I swear, not a damn one of you is worth a flying ****, and how on the planet you guys even made it to this team absolutely baffles me."

"Speak for yourself!" adds fellow striker George Washburn. "I refuse to sit here and believe that every last one of us screwed up, with the oh-so-notable exception of Your Highness. Get off your high horse already!"

Reinhardt turns to him. "You think you're funny, don't you? You think the way you played was funny, don't you? I'll show you funny." He steps back three paces and then lets go with a mighty strike to the side of George's head. Washburn falls to the floor, unconscious and unable to defend himself. "Anyone ELSE want a piece of this?" Reinhardt threatens the rest of the squad, most of whom are now cowering in fear.

Sonoma City Police Department Headquarters, 6:33 PM

"Let go of me, you ****ing assholes!" Reinhardt is obviously in a very foul mood, probably explained in part by the fact that he is now handcuffed.

"What the hell?" comments a police officer who recognizes him. "Isn't that Jackson Reinhardt, the football player?"

"Yes," answers one of the officers holding Reinhardt, rather tersely. "He's charged with aggravated assault, and we're gonna have to lock him up until he can get a hearing."

"You ****ers aren't locking me up anywhere!" Reinhardt protests.

"Quiet, you, or you'll get more charges slapped on you," the officer tells him. They head off toward the rear of the station.

Bedistan Football Association, Amissville, 6:38 PM

"This is unacceptable." BFA president Johnny Lewis is pacing the floor of his office, visibly worried. "Morris McGarity has proven himself to be totally incompetent as a manager of a national team, and it's time for him to be replaced. I'll deliver the news myself. Get McGarity's cell phone for me."

His assistant dials the number, but receives no answer. "He's not responding, Mr. Lewis."

"Damn. Get out an APB on him, then. He's probably as mad about the loss as I am, and nobody knows what he might do."

Parking lot, Cintro Gas Station #2324, East Sonoma City, 6:55 PM

A man walks out of the gas station and heads toward his car, a 2044 Fillmore X-90. McGarity, now wearing solid black with a red hood, approaches the man. "Give me your car keys."

"What? No, you can't have them. It's my car."

McGarity pulls a gun out of his pocket. "Give me your car keys." Now afraid for his life, the man dutifully hands them over. McGarity unlocks the car, gets in, and speeds off.

[....more to come later....]

Audioslavia

10-12-2004, 01:22

God damnit, i was going to do a '24' style RP in the WC finals *shakes fist* :p

THE EVENING SPORT SOCIAL your friendly neighbourhood paper
Zvarinobad
'slaves scrape past newbs

We know theres no such thing as an 'easy game' in world football, but Audioslavia took the biscuit earlier today, scraping past a stuttering Zvarinograd by one goal.

A changed 'slaves team, made up of second-string players like Walsh, Busch, Skipper, Keary and Black gave possibly the worst performance seen in the last ten years at the National Arena.

The 'slaves only goal came from Jussi Oskari, scrambling in a loose ball after the Zvarinograd defence failed to deal with a harmless looking Rijsbergen cross.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 1 (Oskari 55)
Zvarinograd 0

[1] Audioslavia 11 10 1 0 28-6 31
[2] Sarzonia 11 8 1 2 27-10 25
[3] The Lowland Clans 11 7 0 4 16-11 21
4- Lykaia 11 6 1 4 21-15 19
5- Slaikau 11 4 1 6 15-19 13
6- Zvarinograd 11 4 0 7 14-21 12
7- Antixilian Fatwah 11 2 0 9 8-24 6
8- Middle March 11 1 0 10 10-33 3

All is not lost however, as the 'slaves have long since qualified for the finals tournament, to be held in eight months time. Sarzonia went close to consolidating their place with a big win over Antixillian Fatwah, whilst the Lowland Clans kept up their winning streak, although they made hard work of Slaikau, eventually coming out on top 3-2. In the other match of the group, Lykaia scored a comfortable win over bottom-of-the-table Middle March and kept up the pressure on the two sides nicknamed 'The Stars'

I've been Noam Moore, Au revoir comrades

THE MORNING SPORTING JAM Your evil wench of a collection of words
'Slaves Kill The Bastards
Audioslavia Will Be Triumphant!

The raging slaves pulled off an emphatic 1-0 victory over the lowly Zvarinograd yesterday. The godly Audioslavian sides pumped the Zvarinograd goal full of balls, one in total, as they roared on to victory.

Audioslavia's brilliant goals came from Oskari, Black and Johnstone. One for Oskari, none for Black and none for Johnstone.

[1] Audioslavia 11 10 1 0 28-6 31
[2] Sarzonia 11 8 1 2 27-10 25
[3] The Lowland Clans 11 7 0 4 16-11 21
4- Lykaia 11 6 1 4 21-15 19
5- Slaikau 11 4 1 6 15-19 13
6- Zvarinograd 11 4 0 7 14-21 12
7- Antixilian Fatwah 11 2 0 9 8-24 6
8- Middle March 11 1 0 10 10-33 3

The match of course, didn't matter, as they 'slaves have already bum-bashed every other side in the group in terms of points. Sarzonia tried their hardest but ultimately failed to look anywhere as good as the 'slaves, despite scraping past Antixillian Fatwah 4-0. The Lowland Clans proved themselves pretty low, conceding two against the frankly shit Slaikau (Shit-Cow, as we shall now call them) before somehow managing to trick the referee into giving them three goals. Lykaia managed to get their lardy fat talentless arses onto a pitch (thats right, they managed to fit eleven Lykaiaiaiaians onto a football pitch!) and score some goals against the piddling teddy-fuckers Middle Marchl, but it didn't matter as neither of these teams has anything in the way of talent.

I've been Donald Rum'n'Raisenvelt, you've all been FUCKNUGGETS, GOODNIGHT!

Shonar Bangla

10-12-2004, 01:33

This is Harsha Bhogle, spokesperson of Shonar Bangla football team at the nineteenth World Cup. I am here in Sonoma City, watching tragedy and bloody civil war erupt within the Bedistani management.

As per last reports, and this is directly from the Bedistan Sports Digest, George Washburn is now in the emergency room for an enraged kick from Reinhardt, still unconscious and bleeding profoundly. A rumor that has most likely originated in the dressing room itself, is now spreading like wildfire around here, that Washburn's lower jaw may be shattered, and his footballing career done forever. If that is the case, it might as well be the end of Reinhardt's career, the BFA is known for its strictness.

Team Manager Morris McGarity is also missing, there is no information on that yet. There are some now claiming that he has been kidnapped by some angry fans, or perhaps worse, done with. I will stay in Bedistan for now, while the team flies back, to wait and watch events unfold in this volatile nation, and also to secure the contract for 15 Bedistani beds.

I am Harsha Bhogle, 0632 Shonar Bangla Standard Time, and will be back with updates on the situation.

Eauz

10-12-2004, 01:37

Le LIBRE

Good versus Evil

With the bye period, Les Bleus were preparing to finish off down the stretch, with some tough teams in their sights. They took the period to train on basics of the game, and try to improve their game. Coming to visit Zuka and Le stade d’Eauz was The Evil Umpire, who have not been active in this cup. Despite this, their team was sitting in 5th place looking to get a victory, or face elimination. Les Bleus were just hoping to hold on, as surprise team Adam Island put on a late break to challenge Eauz for top spot in group 7.

Before the match, the generator for the electricity broke down, and officials had to send down an old man to hit it with his cane. After several swings at it, the generator finally started up again. Eauzian official said later “Pheeew that means we don’t have to buy one right now”. The match started; as Les Bleus were finally back to full strength, as Vasser was starting the match. Les Bleus didn’t have much time to welcome him back, as during the 5th minute of play, Rousseau brought the ball up, and passed it to Vasser. Vasser took a shot, which was tipped upwards by the keeper. Vasser came over to head the ball. He headed the ball into the net, but when trying to get the ball in the air, the keeper nailed Vasser in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him for a short time. Vasser was helped up, and decided to continue playing. The coach didn’t want to see Vasser injured, so he put Vasser in at defence and let Godenot take Vasser’s spot. Les Bleus were up early, despite a close call for one of their players. The coach came out and argued that the referee didn’t see anything, but it was to no avail, as the referee would hear nothing of it. During the 15th minute of play, TEU was planning an attack, as they had 6 players attacking. A long pass to the right side player who was open, gave TEU a chance to score. Devereux though, knocked the ball away with a clean attack, but the referee threw up the yellow card, saying Devereux hit the TEU player. TEU was rewarded a free kick. The human wall was set up, and the kicker was ready. The kick was taken, as it sailed over the wall and towards the net. Rousoi jumped up and knocked it out play, giving TEU a corner kick. Time was passing, as the corner was taken around the 20th minute of play. A TEU player took the corner kick, sending it high in the air. Players jumped for the ball, but the only player who touched it was a mid-fielder of TEU, who kicked the ball into the open net, putting the match at a 1 – 1 tie. Eauz players were frustrated with the lack of fair and balanced refereeing from the referee’s. The two teams were playing well, attacking and counter-attacking each other. One could see though that the TEU team was in more desire to take this match, for they were facing elimination. The first half ended, and both teams were suck at a 1 – 1 tie.

Eauz fans grew wrestles at the referee’s bad calls and started to throw objects on the field. They found out that it was a Snub Nosian team, who had a major problem with Eauz’s team and officials. Nonetheless, play resumed, after fans were restrained. Les Bleus were back on the attack, as the 2nd half started, with Alia fighting the strong TEU defence. Alia tried to get past, but was knocked down, and the ball was taken over by the TEU offence. During the 50th minute of play, Alia was back for revenge, and brought the ball up field. Finding Vasser, he passed it to him. Vasser took control of the play, as he attracted TEU players over to him. When the players were attracted, Vasser sent a high pass towards the middle of the goal zone. Rousseu was there, getting a kick off, which was stopped by the TEU keeper. The keeper didn’t hang onto it, as Alia came from nowhere, and tapped the ball into the net, giving Les Bleus a 2 – 1 lead. Fans were amazed at the wonderful plays of their team. Alia brought the ball out of the net, and kicked it into the air. Play resumed, as Les Bleus were met with a frustrated and growing eviler TEU team. TEU came back getting a few attacks, but Rousoi and the Eauz defence was there to stop anything major from occurring. During the 82nd minute of play, Les Bleus were attacking again, with Vasser this time getting the ball. He didn’t want what happened to him earlier to happen again, but still brought an attack on. Vasser sent a long shot towards the net, Alia and Rousseau were there, but neither one could get a head on it, as the ball sailed past the net and out of play. TEU was not about to let the match finish without a final attack, as during injury time, TEU received a corner, which went sailing towards the group of players. A TEU player headed the ball, but it sailed over top of the net, saving Les Bleus from another tie. The match finished with Les Bleus winning 2 – 1, and giving them another 3 points on the board.

With the victory, Les Bleus hold onto 1st place but only by a thread. Looking at the standings, they look all weird, but there is nothing to worry about. Currently, Eauz is 1st with 22 points followed by Adam Island with 21. The reason though, that AI is so close to Eauz though, is because Eauz has only played 9 matches, where as AI has played 10. Les Bleus can regain some space between the two, when AI has a bye period. Currently, 2 teams have been eliminated from play, being The Evil Umpire and Hiiraan. Three spots are left for 5 teams to grab. The next match for Les Bleus is a must win, but it would be a bitter sweet victory, for if the win, it could have drastic consequences to group favourite Rejistania, who are holding onto a playoff spot by a thread. Les Bleus will have the advantage of being at home, as it is expected to be a packed stadium in Zuka that evening. Rejistanian and Eauz fans will be at their highest moral in this match.

Schedule

*Matches in Gray will not count or be played

Match Day 1: Adam Island @ Eauz W 1 - 3
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Hiiraan W 4 - 0
Match Day 3: Villapange @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match Day 4: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire W 1 - 0
Match Day 5: Eauz @ Rejistania W 3 - 2
Match Day 6: Kylaai @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 7: Eauz @ Esth T 2 - 2

Match Day 8: Eauz @ Adam Island L 1 - 2
Match Day 9: Hiiraan @ Eauz W 1 - 4
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Villapange
Match Day 11: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Match Day 12: Rejistania @ Eauz
Match Day 13: Eauz @ Kylaai
Match Day 14: Esth @ Eauz

Group 7 GP W T L GF GA P
[1] Eauz 9 7 1 1 23-9 22
[2] Adam Island 10 7 0 3 18-13 21
[3] Rejistania 9 5 1 3 23-17 16
4- Kylaai 9 4 2 3 18-17 14
5- Esth 9 3 2 4 14-15 11
6- The Evil Umpire 10 3 0 7 16-17 9 ELIM
7- Hiiraan 10 0 2 8 8-32 2 ELIM

Sarzonia

10-12-2004, 01:38

Stars throttle 'homeless' team 4-0

Nicksia, BN (ASP) -- Antixilian Fatwah went into their match against third seeded and second place Sarzonia as a team representing a suddenly defunct country, so it was only loosely that the term "national team" was used by public address announcer Tracie Keys. Antixilian Fatwah's lads would have had a difficult go of it even with a country to represent, but without one, they had no chance against a motivated Stars team, losing to Sarzonia 4-0 in front of a crowd of 53,124 at the Round Table.

Sarzonia (8-1-2, 25 points) applied pressure to the visitors almost from the opening kickoff, firing its first shot on goal 45 seconds in. They would get their first goal at the three minute mark courtesy of a steal from defender Emacio, who then slotted the ball to midfielder Bobby Convey for the goal.

"Our plan was to take control of the match early on," Coach Dave Wilson said. "We didn't want to look past anyone with three tight matches coming up, not even a homeless team. I'm pleased that we were able to stay focused for 90 minutes."

The Stars were so dominant in the match that Antixilian Fatwah's first shot on goalkeeper Troy Perkins didn't come until the waning seconds of first half injury time. Perkins made only three saves the entire match and was frequently spotted by Stars supporters stifling yawns.

"I like a little action every now and then," Perkins quipped. "The guys made it real easy for me. I just had to stop what came my way and they did the rest."

Sarzonia remained four points ahead of surging The Lowland Clans in second place in the group and six points clear of Lykaia for the third and final berth in the World Cup finals. The team also stayed within hailing distance of group leaders Audioslavia, which clinched a berth in the previous matchday. Antixilian Fatwah's loss officially closed the book on their chances to go through to the next round.

After the home cooking, the Stars will face two difficult road contests before their home leg against The Lowland Clans closes out World Cup 19 qualifying. Fourth place Lykaia, which clearly must be feeling more urgency now than they did when their coach all but guaranteed a win over the Stars is up first. A win by Sarzonia would clinch a berth in the World Cup, while a loss tightens the race for the berth.

First place and fifth ranked Audioslavia is next for Sarzonia, which provided the only blemish on the Slaves' unbeaten mark, a 1-1 draw at Hendrix Stadium in Woodstock. Team sources said if first place still isn't mathematically decided, the Stars would play "all out" to win.

The Lowland Clans, which remains two points clear of Lykaia for third place in the group, are slated to play Sarzonia at Hendrix, but team officials may move the match to the Iron Bowl in Portland, Somerset if the civil war doesn't end before then.

-
Group 8--------- -
[1] Audioslavia 11 10 1 0 28-6 31
[2] Sarzonia 11 8 1 2 27-10 25
[3] The Lowland Clans 11 7 0 4 16-11 21
4- Lykaia 11 6 1 4 21-15 19
5- Slaikau 11 4 1 6 15-19 13
6- Zvarinograd 11 4 0 7 14-21 12
7- Antixilian Fatwah 11 2 0 9 8-24 6
8- Middle March 11 1 0 10 10-33 3

Bedistan

10-12-2004, 02:51

Somewhere on I-70 eastbound, about 20 miles outside of Jamestown, 7:35 PM

Morris McGarity, now a fugitive from the fans, the BFA, and the police, is driving the stolen X-90 rapidly eastbound toward the Imminent Implosion border. The digital speedometer reads 114 mph (183 km/h). Luckily, it's Saturday, so there's a bit less traffic than usual on the freeway. He has the radio tuned to a Jamestown news station.

"Ostibara [the province in which Jamestown is located] provincial police are now in hot pursuit of McGarity, who is believed to be making his way toward the Imminent Implosion border at speeds in excess of one hundred miles per hour. He is driving a stolen '44 Fillmore X-90, Surido license number XNK 33624. If you have any information regarding him, please contact the Sonoma City Police Department at (833) 346-24672."

McGarity remains calm and continues driving. If I can reach the border, I'm safe, he assures himself.

Northside Regional Medical Center, Sonoma City, 8:03 PM

The still unconscious George Washburn is removed from an ambulance on a stretcher. Nine EMTs quickly get him down the hall to the first available room, knowing this to be a serious case. Apparently, Reinhardt could pass for a boxer in addition to a football player. Bedistan goalkeeper Nick Reagan, who accompanied him there, looks extremely worried.

Holiday Hi-Hut Condos, Sonoma City, 8:26 PM

Ian Hammond is seated on his bed, face buried in his hands. "God, I messed up," he sobs. "That stupid pass -- my stupid pass -- cost us the game, and now it's cost us our manager and quite possibly one of our best players. Why did this have to happen?"

Hammond knows what he has to do. Of course, billions of football fans all over the nation are furious with him. They have every right to be. But maybe, just maybe, this vortex of madness will stop if he goes out into the public eye and acknowledges his mistake. It's too late for McGarity, of course, though to be honest he was never much of a manager. But he can still save himself and the rest of the team, and try to salvage some respectability.

He dials the phone.

Somewhere on Agadora provincial highway 135 southbound, six miles from the Imminent Implosion border, 8:40 PM

"Oh slani." McGarity notices that the car is beginning to lose speed steadily. Sure enough, it's out of gas. "Damn, the mileage on this thing sucks -- can't even get from Sonoma City to the border!" He sees the police catching up with him, and decides he has only one option -- run for it. Luckily for him, he is in one of the very, very few rural areas of Bedistan, the James National Forest. By taking to the woods, the cops couldn't bring their cars, so they'd have to be on foot too.

McGarity gets a running start, jumping out with the car still traveling nearly twenty miles per hour. He heads in a northeasterly direction, parallel to the border, in an attempt to make the cops think that's not where he's headed. I just hope my legs don't give out on me...

BSTV Main Studio, Braccia Building, Sonoma City, 8:58 PM

"Are you sure you want to do this, Ian?" Mike Michaels wasn't sure whether Hammond should try to do this, at least right now, with the absolute chaos going on at the BFA.

"I'm sure, Mike. I can't pretend it didn't happen. There has to be a way to make everything right again, and I'm going to find it."

"All right, then. I'll need you to be ready backstage immediately. I'll call for you about two minutes in. Can't miss it."

"Gotcha." Hammond psyched himself for the task. Michaels rushed over to the set, as he was nearly late for the show's start.

"Ten...nine...eight...seven...six...five...four...three...two..."

Fmjphoenix

10-12-2004, 03:03

Vikings lose to Melmond again, loose more ground in qualifying run

With a disappointing lose to Melmond again, but much better on the eyes, the Vikings lost 2-0, being shut out for the second straight game and are going to have to be perfect the next three games and hope The Eagles Nest are unlucky in order to qualify for the first time.

Melmond opened the scoring up with a goal from one of their strikers at the 37th minute, and ended the first half at 1-0. After a disappointing first half, Coach Wash turned to a 3-4-3 formation, sitting Karim Ackbar in favor of Marty Slocker . The move did not help generate any goals or prevent any more because Melmond struck again at 64 minutes to seal it at 2-0. The Vikings had a few opertounities to put some in, but they could not get their shots down. The closest to a score the Vikings came was when Mike Nolan fired a shot that would have sailed right in for an easy goal, but it nicked the goalpole, and came out to a Melmond defender.

With this loss, the Vikings are in a rough spot. If they want to qualify, they need to win all three of their remaining matches and hope for The Eagles Nest to at least 2. The probability of such a thing is not very high, but the Vikings remain optimistic.

"We played well this while tournament. Sure we had a few bad games, but we are still a young team. I think we can still qualify, and I know we will do everything possible to qualify. All we can do is win these last few matches." Captian Jorge Mendel said after the match.

Fmjphoeinx: 0
(None)

Melmond: 2
(#3 37, #12 64)

Bedistan

10-12-2004, 03:38

Bedistan Football Association, Amissville, 9:00 PM

"Oh joy," Johnny Lewis says to himself, "it's time for BSTV Sports Tonight. Let's see just how badly we get lambasted after what's happened today." He turns the TV on, already set to channel 401, otherwise known as BSTV.

"This is BSTV Sports Tonight, with your hosts, Mike Michaels and Ken Jenkins."

"Good evening, sports fans, I'm Mike Michaels..."

"...and I'm Ken Jenkins."

"All right, let's cut to the chase. By now I'm sure the whole world knows of the disaster that occurred at Fillmore National Stadium today, namely the 2-1 loss to...I still can't believe it myself...Shonar Bangla. And the question that's been on everybody's lips is, 'why?' Well, here to hopefully shed some light on that is Bedistan Lions defender Ian Hammond. Welcome to the show, Ian."

"It's...well, I'd love to say it's good to be here, but there's just not much good stuff happening, as I'm sure you're aware."

"Indeed, Ian. So tell us, what went wrong today?"

"For the team as a whole, Ken, I really couldn't tell you. Everybody looked strong in practice, the Banglans looked a bit unsure of themselves at the start of the match, for a while I was thinking we'd pull off seven-nil. But I think I'm going to have to say what the rest of the world already knows: I was the weakest link today. I mean, that pass to Nick there at the end was perhaps the stupidest thing I have ever seen an international player do, and I deserve to be ridiculed after that."

"So you take full responsibility for the loss all by yourself?"

"Yes, I do. And that wasn't the only stupid decision I made today, Mike. When I stepped out onto the pitch this afternoon, I had just finished having a smoke not three minutes earlier. Not cigarettes, of course -- I don't do illegal stuff. Look at it this way: marijuana and football are not a good combination. My decision-making skills were seriously impaired. That's why I made that pass, that's why I scored a goal against our team, and that, Mike, is why we lost the match."

"You lost the match --"

"Because I got high, Ken. Because I got high."

"Well. That was certainly unexpected. I think we're gonna have to take a commercial break so Ken and I can collect our thoughts. When we return: updates on the status of George Washburn, Jackson Reinhardt, and Morris McGarity. We'll be back in a moment."

Lewis is seated in the chair, absolutely stunned. So that's what happened. Ian Hammond's irresponsibility caused Bedistan to lose the match. His irresponsibility caused Morris McGarity to go completely bonkers, stealing a car and heading for the border. His irresponsibility caused Jackson Reinhardt to punch George Washburn in the face, sending the latter to the emergency room and the former to the slammer. Ian Hammond's irresponsibility caused the Bedistan Football Association to become the laughingstock of the sports world.

James National Forest, 9:26 PM

McGarity's strength is nearly gone. He is barely even able to walk at this point. But he had endured longer than the cops had. All those years of playing in the BPL had given him that capacity. The police are no longer in sight behind him, and he finally sees that great white line in the distance that marks the border between Bedistan and Imminent Implosion. He could stop to rest now, but he knows better. All he has to do is cross that line, and he's immune to punishment. There's no way II would consent to any sort of extradition, and he hasn't committed any crimes in II.

Gasping for every breath, he trudges on.

Sonoma City Police Department Headquarters, 11:15 PM

"Mr. Reinhardt, you're free to go." The officer that had imprisoned him now opens the cell that Jackson Reinhardt has been sitting in for over three hours. "'Bout damn time," the ex-prisoner states. "Who freed me?"

"Friend of yours, I believe, one Mr. Hammond. Paid your þ60,000 bond, he did."

"Mr. Ian Hammond, by any chance?"

"Yep."

"Oh, that's awesome."

Piquantrax

10-12-2004, 03:40

It seems the differences in the locker room did more than damage egos, it destroyed bonds. The previously scheduled press conference was cancelled due to the team's loss today.
In a disappointing what could be called "last ditch effort" it was evident that Piquantrax's previously undefeated adversaries were not the only opponents on the field. Many believe that the rifts in the team were to big to bridge for one last try. Jewpac and Q refused any eye contact and their passes to each other were rigid and hit with a little too much force. Q had a chance to score in the 59th minute but misplaced the shot and gave it right to the goalie.
But still the press must have something good to put on the news other than explosions. In other news, striker Davis Spohn, whose wife Alexandra gave birth to their second child Oakley this morning at 3:15 local time. Davis felt the need to be with his wife on such a momentous occasion and left previous to today's game.
This left the spot open for second string striker Marco Texidor to make his WC debut, but was hit badly in the 1st half and replaced by Joey Bejar, a man who picked up cleats last year for the first time, but was found to have amazing skill. Still to no avail nobody could put the ball where it needed to be.

Adam Island

10-12-2004, 03:50

5-In-A-Row

ESTH- Adam Island is on fire! No, don't run to call the emergency number, I'm talking about the Adam Island National Football squad. No, don't cry, I mean they've been playing extraordinarily, and I'm using the term 'on fire' figuratively, not literally. Scared ya there, huh? I crack myself up. :p

Anyway, Adam Island scored 2 goals to defeat the team from Esth in Esth, 2-1. Adelaide Haakenson got both of them, and Naccarato really shouldn't have let that ball get through. Yadda yadda yadda, what else is new?

The REAL story today is that Adam Island has stayed in second place for the second day in a row. This is due in large part to their 5-game winning streak, the largest since they began the Baptism of Fire. With only 3 gamedays left, this gives them an excellent chance to qualify for the World Cup.

We all assumed we were going miss qualification, and hoped merely for a good showing. Hell, Cup of Harmony t-shirts were on salel before the qualifiers even began. But now, AI, the cinderella team, 'Upset Island,' the 'Rejistunners,' the underdog, the little guy, the heartwarming story coming to you after the news, is only three days away from going to the big dance.

So now comes the number-crunching. There are 7 teams in Group 7, and only 3 can qualify. 3 teams have already been eliminated from contention. That leaves 1 more team to get booted.

[1] Eauz 9 7 1 1 23-9 22
[2] Adam Island 10 7 0 3 18-13 21
[3] Rejistania 9 5 1 3 23-17 16
4- Kylaai 9 4 2 3 18-17 14

As you can see, Adam Island has had the statistical benefit of holding their bye off until near the end. However, even if you credit the other 3 teams with 3 more points for a win, Adam Island is still in second place. So let's see just what needs to happen for AI to clinch the qualification....

MD12: Eauz v Rej Kyl v Esth AI v TEU
MD13: Rej v Esth Eauz v Kyl
MD14: Kyl v Rej Eauz v Esth Hir v AI

If Adam Island wins tomorrow they clinch the qualification, no matter what.

If Adam Island draws tomorrow and Kylaai draws, AI has clinched.

If Kylaai loses tomorrow than Adam Island clinches.

If Adam Island draws tomorrow and Kylaai wins, then AI can clinch on either a win or a Kylaai loss.

If Adam Island loses tomorrow and Kylaai draws, AI can clinch on a draw, or a Kylaai loss or draw.

If Adam Island loses tomorrow and Kylaai wins, AI can clinch on a win or a Kylaai loss or two draws.

LAST GAME: AI 2, ESTH 1
NEXT GAME: TEU (3-0-7) @ AI (7-0-3)
AI Record vs. TEU: 1L, 1GF, 2GA

The Eagles Nest

10-12-2004, 05:02

Strike Birds Win 2 Straight

Cheerboxes Recalled; Team On a Roll

After sales of cheerboxes were reaching a fevor pitch, they have all been recalled. Reason were that there was a small electrical glitch that could short in a rainy situation. No matter to the Birds as they are now starting to play back in form as they enter the home stretch with matches against the two teams still ahead of them, One Red Dot and Melmond.

With The Nest with only two games, and Fmjphoenix having three, number crunchers have noticed that Fmjphoenix has three winnable games left. The Nest has the two toughest games left. If Fmjphoenix wins all three, and the Nest can't win one of their last two games, Fmjphoenix goes through. ties may not be any better. our best hope is a Fmjphoenix loss or tie a few times.

Anyway, the Nest had Secour taking control of the second half again with two goals after a scoreless first half with Phazania. Horace came up limp near the end of the match and was subbed out, but Phazania was unable to take advantage of the loss of the Nest's best midfielder.

*paper is put down*

Those boxes may have done more harm than good.

The Birds can win one right?

I don't know. ORD and Melmond are playing great ball right now. and Fmjphoenix has already played them. *sighs* it's going to be close. at least we have a 10 goal advantage in GD. one win should give it to us. Pray for ties and losses for Fmjphoenix.

Should I have Guido go...."talk" to some of the referees?

That MIGHT be a good idea. Send him

yes sir. *turns to leave*

*sighs* Just make sure that no cheerboxes come near ANY of the Birds.

yes sir. *leaves*

*sighs* here's hoping since Melmond is already qualified, they play their reserves.

Big Pimento

10-12-2004, 06:02

OOC - Meant to get this up last night but internet was down. Time and location 24 style is a new edition though.

Pimento City, Big Pimento 8:18 PM

Inside the bowels of the Big Pimento Football Association headquarters a letter is being written. The sound of president Bogart Freeman hunting and pecking his way through the telegram is the only sound heard besides the buzzing light hanging overhead.

From: Big Pimento Football Association
CC: BSTV Hatemail Department for Angry and Disgruntled Viewers
Subject: Skip Bernardo Slip-Up

It has been brought to our attention that you have accused us of accusing you of foul play. Poppycock is correct, we've done nothing of the sort. You must be referring to Skip Bernardo's comments on his late night sports show.

Firstly, I believe Mr. Bernardo was implying that you sent a diluted squad to try to rest up some starters and get some of the kids some international experience. None of this trying to "throw the match" conspiracy stuff, just that you guys lost as a result of underestimating your opponents.

And secondly, Skip Bernardo is an idiot. He's a sports journalist and paid to start rumours and speculate upon things. He doesn't really care if Bedistan loses, he just wants to break a scoop so we can win one of those Peabody journalism awards.

The thoughts exclaimed were those of Mr. Bernardo and not those of the Pimento F.A.. I hope this letter cleared any doubt.

Bogart Freeman
Big Pimento Football Association President
51% Shareholder for Carson County GM and Saturn

Big Pimento

10-12-2004, 06:27

Karlsberg, Big Pimento, BPSN Studios: 11:30PM

Jerry Glasscock: Hello, I’m Jerry Glasscock, and welcome to Skip and Jerry’s, the only half-hour program in Big Pimento dedicated solely to the discussion of football. We got a big day today as we saw a few upset which make Group 9 a lot more interesting. As with always, I’m here with my partner, Skip Bernardo.

Skip Bernardo: It’s good to be here and it’s great to be a Big Pimento football fan right around now. For those of you who’ve been living under a rock or just plain don’t really give a shit, the Futility Kings are in prime position for a birth in the finals with just three matches to go. They made another huge step towards qualification as they drew Lovisa, a team who had only failed to win once in nine prior qualification matches.

Glasscock: Skip, what does this draw mean for Big Pimento?

Bernardo: Well obviously, they get a point, which is huge in a race as close as this. But more importantly, they get a confidence booster. Lovisa’s been far and away the strongest team in qualification so far, and to know that they can hang with them for ninety minutes has to make them feel great. They believe they can take anyone now.

Glasscock: Does the fact that Big Pimento can’t seem to shutout anyone scare you?

Bernardo: Not really, their defence has been solid besides the occasional hiccup and the offence has picked up the slack when they needed a goal. You’d always like to see them a bit tighter on the back end, but you can’t argue with success and the Pimentos have enjoyed a lot of it recently.

Glasscock: We had some other interesting results today, perhaps the most shocking being Bedistan losing 2-1 to Shonar Bangla. Your thoughts on the match?

Bernardo: The Lions look to be in disarray and have been dropping matches you just didn’t see Bedistan drop before. Add the Stoner McHammond situation and they're in trouble. I think they’ll still qualify, all they need is a victory in one their next two matches to do so, but they’ll be limping into the cup finals. It’ll be interesting to see how they respond in TBF/ Turori. On the other hand Shonar Bangla looked impressive, they needed a big match and they certainly got it. They’re right back in contention for a spot in the finals.

Glasscock: Your pony to qualify, Hammerund, has really dropped off the map. How do explain their recent run of brutal play.

Bernardo: This is a classic case of a team who peaked too quickly. Their most recent 6-0 loss to the lowly Raptor Claw shows what bad shape the squad is in now. I don’t think they have much of a chance to qualify any more, but I’ve been wrong.

Glasscock: And how about Raptor Claw? One strong match and they’re back in contention.

Bernardo: Indeed, this group is so tight and they’re right back in the middle of things. They got two tough matches against Lovisa and Bedistan and a game less than most of the other teams they’re battling against, but if they can somehow win both matches, they’ll be in a good position.

Glasscock: Well, we’re coming down the stretch now, and with three games left to go, we have four teams within two points of each other. You think the Futility Kings can hold on for a spot in the finals?

Bernardo: You have to like their chances. They’re in the driver’s seat right now and control their own destiny. Plus, if you look down, you’ve got Raptor Claw who has one less game, Hammerund who’s on a wicked slide, and Shonar Bangla who the Pimentos already pummelled 7-1. You gotta believe that this will be the Kings’ year.

Glasscock: Well that’s all the time we have for tonight. A half-hour really does pass by that fast. For Skip Bernardo, this is Jerry Glasscock wishing you g’nite.

Rejistania

10-12-2004, 06:41

SyLy speaks out

The KaMaRi Update met with former coach Syku Lyku after he came from the Sikenian Department for employment where he registered himself as unemployed. In a back room of a cafe, Mejiya Jeji interviewed him about the job as national coach his future plans and the Inquirer.

MJ: Hejida Lyku'he, or would you prefer SyLy?

SL: To be honest, mi'valen'ta*!

MJ: Are you expecting a longer time of unemployment or why did you register yourself?

SL: I have no idea in 100 what to expect at the moment... I registered because I am abiding rejistani laws.

MJ: Did that ... incident... came surprisingly for you?

SL: Not really... I would have lost my job after the Eauz match...

MJ: You expect a loss?

SL: This rejistani team is the weakest besidest the first one I played in.

MJ: Weaker than the Orange-Blues of World Cup 10?

SL: Maybe as weak... additionally were the fact that I ad high hopes and big plans...

MJ: Maybe too big plans?

SL: Maybe, yes, but well, I don't know whether this is said outside of Majuveda: The first wave will break but you cannot prevent the flood from coming.

MJ: It's not used...

SL: Something that is ment to happen will eventually happen, but the first one to try it normally fails.

MJ: Is there a truth behind the bribe story?

SL: If there would have been, I would not have sued the Inkewirer! Believe me! Their 'facts' show that they do not know how the Rejis works

MJ: Why did it take three hours to sack you?

SL: Teke Daran would have preferred to announce it in a friendlier environment... He did respect my simu at that time. Well, another thing was that I called the HATI.

MJ: Are you a member of the workers union HATI?

SL: I am not, but it represents the employees at the ASR and I mean... it's a natural choice if you are sacked for criminal accusations.

MJ: That was bold...

SL: but fortunately effectively...

MJ: Why that?

SL: I was sacked for failure, not for criminal activities. It's a question of simu!

*It doesn't make a difference.

Total n Utter Insanity

10-12-2004, 08:49

Today on English for Juniors
Collective Nouns - A World Cup Special

A bastage of ASholes
A whinage of Liverpool Englanders
A commage of Eauzians
A novelist of Melmonds
A loud mouth of EL CIDOSE
A godmod of Belmorons
An overformat of Villians
A crazy mofo of Hiiraanianianianians

Joins us tomorrow for Proprietary Eponyms

Liverpool England

10-12-2004, 09:39

Liverpool England warn Sirx

Ha~e Hangila, Liverpool England's Football Director at the FA, has warned Ralph Sirx that failure to qualify would result in termination of his contract. This comes after the national team lost 4-2 at home to Nova Brittanicus, a result which has left many supporters calling for Sirx to resign.

LE Daily Poll
-Would you like to see Sirx sacked or resign?
-Yes: 42%
-No: 21%
-Wait till after the qualifiers before deciding: 18%
-Unsure: 19%

(Polled: 417412)

-Who would you like to see take over the manager job should Sirx be removed?
-Ha~e Hangila: 17%
-Steven Blackwell: 41%
-Syku Lyku: 37%
-Other: 5%

(Polled: 411963)

Giant Zucchini

10-12-2004, 10:31

Zucchini Resurrection:
Episode 8: Out

The Zucchinis have crashed out of World Cup Qualifying after their latest loss to Tadjikistan. An early goal by Gominsha and a relatively steely defence could not prevent the equaliser just before half time and the winner in the 68th minute. Head Coach Mr Tolar, “When you are watching a game like that you do not believe you can lose in that way, but we brought the problems on ourselves, we did not create a chance from open play during the match. Tadjikistan were faster, stronger and better than us and when we conceded the equaliser in the first half there was always the fear that they could come back at us. If we had held the lead a little longer maybe we could have done something. But this was the worst we have played for a very long time. We had very little up front and the pressure told on us in the end. Tadjikistan were just better on the night, we were under so much pressure and were not able to get out of our half to really turn the pressure on them. I know we will be heavily criticised now, people will hold me responsible. If people think that it is my fault, then it is my fault. I never dodge my responsibilities.”

------------------------TO BE CONTINUED------------------------

The Green Ripper strikes back at:
Escape to Slavery
Alien Resurrection
Manchester United vs Arsenal
The Matrix
Digital Fortress
Great Expectations
Ocean’s Eleven
Kevin Keegan
Thierry Henry
Torture Garden
The Jerusalem Torture Document
Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo
The Incredibles
Gerard Houllier
Claudio Ranieri
Dusan Bajevic

Jeruselem

10-12-2004, 14:17

Jeruselem Government News

Too little but too late for Oceaice?

Today 7JM earned some respect and managed to get some points from it's Jeruselem game. It drew a 1-1 with a Jeruselem team consisting of reserves who didn't exactly score heavily. The coach defended this move "How are youngsters going to learn if they don't play games? I don't play them against teams like Bedistan or Vilita, but it's fair for them to have game time against opponents who won't smack'em around the pitch. They beat Moosey 1-0, and no one complained."

This game was the talking point of Group 3 but Oceaice beat it's bigger brother Crystilakere 3-2 to take advantage of Lethislavania's bye. It was a shock to the Crystals who were expected to win, but soccer is funny game and even the best can be beaten on any given day. Oceaice trail Iansisle by 8 points after it had a successful moose shooting day winning against the team Runaway Moose 4-0.

The top 3 still look settled and Oceaice need Iansisle to lose it's games to have any chance to making the top 3. Most say pundits doubt it.

Group 3
Iansisle 4 - 0 Runaway Moose
Crystilakere 2 - 3 Oceaice
Jeruselem 1 - 1 7JM

Group 3--------- -
[1] Jeruselem 10 8 1 1 29-11 25
[2] Crystilakere 10 8 0 2 26-12 24
[3] Iansisle 10 7 0 3 26-11 21
4- Oceaice 9 4 1 4 14-22 13
5- Lethislavania 9 2 1 6 17-24 7
6- 7JM 9 1 1 7 10-23 4
7- Runaway Moose 9 1 0 8 4-23 3

One Red Dot

10-12-2004, 15:24

We've some not-so-exciting updates STOP
We drew two matches STOP
It was a goaless match against Fmjphoenic STOP
And a 1-1 match against Kipto-Mare STOP
Allen Bellmoor scored our lone goal in the pass two days STOP
It was an equaliser on the 72nd minute STOP
We aren't playing tomorrow STOP
It seems we are quite safe in the Top 3 STOP
Let's just hope we remain there are make it to the cup STOP

WC19 Grp5 P W D L F-A T
1> Melmond 10 7 3 0 24-4 24
2. One Red Dot 10 5 5 0 14-6 20
3. The Eagle's Nest 10 5 2 3 18-11 17
4. Fmjphoenix 9 3 2 4 12-15 11
5. Phazania 9 2 3 4 9-15 9
6X Kipto-Mare 9 1 2 6 4-16 5
7X Lennon Marx 9 0 3 6 2-16 3

Sarzonia

10-12-2004, 15:37

The Incorporated Football Federation of Sarzonia has just placed a telephone call to former Rejistanian national team coach Syku Lyku about their Under 21 national team head coaching vacancy.

"We believe a coach with an offensive background such as his would be a benefit for our team," IFF Chairman Buddy Landry said. "Our style has been to play attack-oriented football in the past and he's tasted success in the past."

The team has been without a head coach since it fired Coach Terry Mangione following a last place finish in its group in World Cup 8. The new coach will have "a lot of challenges," despite the Junior Stars being only two Cups removed from an appearance in the championship match.

Midfielder Valentin Kienzl, a stalwart for the team over the past few cups, is now ineligible due to age, and there would be "a whole new team" wearing the Sarzonian navy and white. However, the team is still expected to make the playoffs and do so with its attacking style of football.

"We are what we are," Landry said. Lyku "would be an ideal fit for our team." Even if it means the team would have to learn Rejistani. Landry said IFF staffers are "fully prepared" to study Rejistani in the event Lyku accepts the job.

Starblaydia

10-12-2004, 17:30

Three Good Wins, Biggest Test Next
Top-Four pull away, just not from each other

Big Man Eomer Hall, Little man Marco Del Blanco and Medium-sized Man Roberto Di Bradini all scored in a nice and easy, lemon-squeazy win over the Vorpal Bunnies, proving that it really is like shooting bunnies in a barrel.

Just two whole points will be needed by Starblaydia for them to assure qualification, as Krytenia sit a hefty eight points behind with nine to play for. Tomorrow's match is against already-through Squornshelous, captialised on some woefully confused Starblaydi preparations by winning 5-1 on Matchday Five. Starblaydia will be looking to avenge that pasting, their first concession of five goals ever outside of a penalty shoot-out.

Still, three wins on the bounce and only two points needed to certainly qualify, we hope that the Starblaydis can kill two birds with the one proverbial shovel by getting revenge and a place in World Cup 19 for their troubles.

Final Score:
Starblaydia 3 - 0 Vorpal Bunnies
(Hall, Del Blanco, R Di Bradini) - (None)

Group 1, Matchday 11
Pos Nation P W D L GF-GA Pts PP
[Q] Squornshelous 11 10 1 0 38-9 31 40
[2] Starblaydia 11 8 1 2 29-10 25 34
[3] Druida 11 7 1 3 28-13 22 31
4- Krytenia 11 5 2 4 21-16 17 26
5- Vorpal Bunnies 11 5 0 6 19-24 15 24
E- Dead Rockstars 11 3 2 6 19-26 11 20
E- Taokoualu 11 1 1 9 11-34 4 13
E- Lexmarak 11 1 0 10 3-36 3 12

Fmjphoenix

10-12-2004, 18:10

*in a small conference room in Caption Hall, Capitol City, Fmjphoenix*

King Phoenix III: This is getting close here folks. Our international competitors are falling and we need to help them get back on their feet. Ideas?

Flirry Loor: Well, why don't I use contacts in our black market and underworld to maybe put hits out on the other teams? Maybe we can lock them up in a hotel and make them not be there for the match?

Kirtan Vorru: No. NO! That is unacceptable. We must just blow them up!! If they are not here, they cannot play at all!!!

King Phoenix III: Gentlemen, I didn't mea....

Flirry Loor: But I am higher in charge that you, I can make such decisions over you.

King Phoenix III: Gentlemen...

Kirtan Vorru: Without my help you could not even work the black market. So..

King Phoenix III: GENTLEMEN!!!!!!!!!!! I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT HURTING THE OTHER TEAM! I MEAN FOR HELPING OUR SIDE!

Loor & Vorru: Oh...

King Phoenix III: Anyway, the Vikings are in need of support, we need to bring something else to the field to help them. Those are the ideas I mean.

Corry Johnson: Well, how about putting glass in front of the goal? Then the ball cannot go in. But it will look clean and it will help them.

King Phoenix III: I don't think that would work, what if the glass breaks?? No, next idea?

Rudi Dillon: I've got it!!!!! I know what we can do, watch this movie.

*puts shoalin soccer into a movie player. after 2 hours they start talking again*

King Phoenix III: So what, you say inject them with all kinds of steroidal things?? But isnt OLCAB already in trouble for steroids. Thats wrong!!!

Rudi Dillon: No you idiot!!!!!! We have the guys learn Shoalin Kung Fu!!! You see how they play! Just imagine if Jorge Mendel or Mike Nolan had that Steel Leg and kicked the ball so well!!!

King Phoenix III: YES!!! I like the idea. You will go find these people in that show that do the kung fu and get them here.. NOW!!!!!! We must have the boys qualify. We need a championship team so people know who we are! Here is how we do it. Loor, Vorru, Johnson, Dillon, you will now be numbers 1-4 respectivlly. Do you understand?

All 4: Yes Boss.

King Phoenix III: All right. Numbers 1 and 2, you guys will go ...make money with your connections to lure these kung fu people here. Go get to it!

#1 and 2: Yes sir.

King Phoenix III: #3 and 4, you two will go find these guys and just bring them here. I don't care how you do it, just get them here. Go now!!!

#3 and 4: Yes sir.

King Phoenix III: We talk again tommorow after you have them in your hands.

*laughing to himself*
King Phoenix III: Yes, we will win it all. Now I must find the inventor person to make the enhanced cleets and uniforms, MUHAHAHAHA.

never really tried this before, is it funny at all?

Nova Britannicus

10-12-2004, 19:06

Look Who's Scoring Now

We've gone and beaten everybody, Goddammit!

The Aqulianans twice!, the Inasnicians and the whatever-you-call-someone-from-Liverpool-England-ers have all fallen to the Navy-Blues in this Qualifying campaign, and Old Stager Charlie Bowman is always among them. He's the man for the big games

Nova Britannicus' WC19Q Upsets

Aquiliana 2-0 C Bowman, Willis
Total n Utter Insanity 3-2 C Bowman, McDonald, England
Aquiliana 3-2 Hogue, C Bowman, Cox
Liverpool England 4-2 Calban (3), C Bowman

====Other Nova Britannican News making the Headlines Today====

Uh-oh
Nation Not Found: "nova brittanicus"

If possible, use your browser's BACK button to return and fix this.

Lord Mayoress of Nova Britannicus, Jacqueline Maitland, announced today that the next nation to disrespect the Loose City-State Association of Nova Britannicus will face, at the very least, Economic Sanctions for any future error.

Many great World Cup nations have failed to correctly spell 'Nova Britannicus', such as Bedislan and, most recently, Rivelpool Engrand. Many have since corrected their errors, though the next nation to perform this error will be banned from receiving any Britannican exports, particularly our fine Automobiles and Beef.

Here endeth the lesson.

It's Nova Britannicus, idiots.

Eauz

10-12-2004, 19:09

In what is expected to be one of the most exciting matches of this cup, fans from Rejistania and Eauz are lining up for the match at Le Stade d’Eauz. Eauz fans are ready to hand it to the #1 team in the world again, as they expect another victory to keep pace with surprise team Adam Island. Walking around the stadium, we spoke with some fans, who had some mixed feeling about the match.

Eauz Fan1 response: Oh yeh, I am definitely ready for this match. Despite Eauz being ranked #12, it is almost like a #1 team vs. #2 team matches up. Eauz and Rejis have always been top teams in the cup. We don’t have much of a rivalry, but I’m sure that these 2 teams will meet up again on their way to the finals.

Rejis Fan1 response: Yeah, well, Uhh, Our team hasn’t really played up to expectations, but anything can happen. I believe with all the scandals going on with our team manager and everything, what can the fans do, but support their players. As for our team, I expect that we are just having a bad qualifying period. Look, at least we are still in 3rd, and we got like 3 more matches to go. GOOO Rejis!

Eauz Fan2: Ne me parlez pas! Je vais seulement répondre en français. Mais en effet, je m’en fous qui gagne ce match, j’y suis seulement parce que mon fils veut regarder un match.

Starblaydi Citizen : Actually, I really don’t know why I am here. I was hoping to see the Historical Museum of Communism, but I ended up here. Anyways, someone gave me some tickets, so I might as well watch… (Looking at some ladies) Anyways, gotta go…

As one can see, it appears the fans are ready for this match. The stadium is expected to be packed, plus any standing room available.

Svecia

10-12-2004, 19:36

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

AGE AND TRECHERY OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL
The Immaculate Youth schooled in Vilämna

Svecia 4 The Immaculate Youth 1

VILÄMNA, Svecia - In front of a raucous 70.000 orange clad Lightning fans, Svecia showed they still have some energy left in their aging bodies. Although not a top side, The Immaculate Youth were not a pushover team. And neither will the next three teams Svecia must play.

The top four teams in the group, Cockbill Street, Commerce Heights, Oddslavo, and Svecia, will be vying for the final three places and move on to the finals in Turiori and TBF.

Svecia already has been questioned about the age of their team´s player. Despite a wealth of youth on the reserves, not many have gotten the chance to play in this year´s qualifying games. Due to the closness of many matches, head coach Matt de Fijts has chosen to play his more experienced players.

Rumors have floated about, although none have been proven yet, that almost half the starting line up will be retiring after this World Cup. Some of the one expected to retire are: goalkeeper Piet van Meer, defender Hans Larsson, midfielder Lars Svensson, and forwards Hana Belagt and Mikael Solskjaer.

Snub Nose 38

10-12-2004, 19:48

Look Who's Scoring Now

It's Nova Britannicus, idiots.
Nova Britannicus Idiots? That's an odd name... ;)

Druida

10-12-2004, 19:57

Unnamed helper: "So who are you going to send into wherever to get the dicey things?"

President Smith: "You mean the voodoo dice from Melmond and The Evil Umpire?"

Unnamed helper: "That's them."

President Smith: "Well, who do I ususally send on things like this?"

Unnamed helper: "Oh, no! Not..."

President Smith: "What do you mean, oh no? This is the kind of job that the Margaret Army will love!"

Unnamed helper: "The Margaret Army?"

President Smith: "Yeah, you remember them? They were the one's dumb enough to change their names to Margaret and keep them that way."

Unnamed helper: "But, I thought you said you knew the perfect man for the job? I thought you were going to send m..."

President Smith: "Send who? Guy Santos? I know he knows Melmond well, but I've learned my lesson from last time - never ask someone who's dead to do something for you."

Unnamed helper: "Unless they rise."

President Smith: "Don't be ridiculous! Whoever heard of someone rising from the dead?!?!?"

Unnamed helper: "You've never heard of Jesus?"

President Smith: "We're atheists, remember? We don't believe in all that claptrap."

Unnamed helper: "Well, OK... what about Gil Lemson?"

President Smith: "Who?"

Unnamed helper: "You mean you've never heard of Gil?"

President Smith: "Well, er, maybe."

Unnamed helper: "That's a no, isn't it?"

President Smith: "No, this is a no."

Unnamed helper: "Look, just stop trying to be a smartass, Mr President, and get to the task in hand here."

President Smith: "Oh yeah. What was that again?"

Unnamed helper: "You're sending the Margaret Army to Melmond and The Evil Umpire to steal the Voodoo Dice."

President Smith: "I am?"

Unnamed helper: "That's what you just told me."

President Smith: "Oh yes, that. Sorry, um, yeah. That's right."

Unnamed helper: "Are you sure this is a wise decision, sir?"

President Smith: "Sure. Why not?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, for a start, there's only 41 of them."

President Smith: "And your point there is?"

Unnamed helper: "Sir, Melmond is a huge place, and The Evil Umpire is quite sizeable too. It would take 41 people years to cover all that space."

President Smith: "No, no. you've got it all wrong. They'll all be undercover, doing their best job at a specific task."

Unnamed helper: "Sir, these are some of the dumbest people in Druida. They changed their name to Margaret, for pity's sake!"

President Smith: "They did that like I did, out of loyalty."

Unnamed helper: "More like out of stupidity."

President Smith: "Hey, we paid them ten grand to do that."

Unnamed helper: "But they were the ones who bought all teh dodgy merchandise."

President Smith: "So?"

Unnamed helper: "They ended up paying most of it back. They never made much more than the people who just changed their names back. In fact, they made less!"

President Smith: "Don't be so negative! They are our loyalest servants, and will do everything they can to bring those Voodoo Dice to Druida."

Unnamed helper: "Everything they can? That really isn't much, then?"

President Smith: "Will you leave them alone?!?!? You've made your point, and I've ignored you. OK?"

Unnamed helper: "Yes, sir."

President Smith: "Go out and tell all the members of the Margaret Army to get ready right away!"

Unnamed helper: "Sir, won't it be a bit suspicious that they're all called Margaret?"

President Smith: "Not really, why?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, the world knows about the Margaret Army. If a big group of people, all called Margaret, all start wandering round a nation, surely they'll rumble who they are."

President Smith: "Well they'll be given different identities, won't they?"

Unnamed helper: "Phew, that's a relief."

President Smith: "We're going to call them all Trefor instead."

NEWI Cefn Druids

10-12-2004, 20:39

The Daily Druid
Bringing news to the Druidish Lands for over 35 years!

BELMORE: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA THUD!
Björn-Trevor Frederiksson on NEWI Cefn Druids 1 Legalese 0

There was really bad news for Legalese last night, as they lost 1-0 at The Hole. Not only did the defeat men that their chances of catching Kaze Progressa and The Weegies, who are tied on points in third and fourth respectively, impossible*, but, due to a bet between the Footballing Authorities of the two nations, Legalese must wear pink for their remaining qualifying fixtures^.

There was bad news for the Druids, though. Their star performer throughout qualifying, Alan Belmore, picked up an injury after scoring today. It was caused when a Legalese fan threw something (we are not quite sure what) at him. Apparently, as Belmore ran away to celebrate, he went over to the away section and started shouting at them. Cefn-Mawr Police have told us that over 200 visiting fans made complaints about Belmore's behaviour, with insults reported to be ranging from "You're gonna look like a bunch of poofta's now!" to "**** you, you ****ing ****s!!!".

During this period after scoring, Belmore was struck by something coming out of the Legalese supporters. It knocked the young Druids striker out, and he was immediately substituted for Rhys Owens. It is expected that Belmore will be out for a long time, probably until at least the World Cup Finals, should the Druids make it. Until then, it will be down to Law and Owens to lead the Druidish line.

Final score:
NEWI Cefn Druids 1 [Belmore 58]
Legalese 0

*(Note - Kaze Progressa and The Weegies still have to play each other. If either side wins, then Legalese would not be able to overhaul their points total. Similarly, if they draw, then, again, Legalese would not be able to match their points total.)

^(Note - Despite having to wear pink for their final three qualifiers, it is thought that the Druidan Fashion Police that was introduced during the pre-World Cup 18 Cup of Harmony will not be sending anyone over the border to protect their unfortunately kitted neighbours.)

Legalese

10-12-2004, 21:09

Blue (and Pink) in the Face

Legalese MNT Manager Robbie Heard discusses Legalese's ill fated attempt to qualify for World Cup 19, future plans for himself and the squad, as well as the color pink, and a bad bet.

by Nick Eliason

Robbie Heard was livid. Not only did his resurgent charges drop a game of missed opportunities, but thanks to the ill-fated words of Miguel Carnalejo, they will be wearing pink-colored kits for the remainder of qualifying, as Legalese lost 1-0 to NEWI Cefn Druids. Scoring for the Druids was Alan Belmore in the 58th minute.

I had a chance to interview Heard after the match.

Nick Eliason: Thank you for this interview, Robbie. I know this has to have been a difficult year, with the qualifying results.

Robbie Heard: Indeed, Nick. These guys have the potential and the heart to make it. They clearly showed that in the four matches they won before this one. I wish they had brought it to the other seven matches, otherwise we wouldn't be on the outside of things now.

NE: What have been the highlights of the qualifying season so far?

RH: Well, the matches with Kaze Progressa have to rank up there. Fighting to take 4 points in two matches with the #3 team in the world is always a pleasant moment. Winning the return bout with El Cid the Hero has to rank up there too. The game did get a little rough late, but the redemption was sweet.

NE: How about the lowlights?

RH: going 4 matches without a point would have to be it. There's no reason for you to be thinking about qualifying, if you can go so long without even winning a game. And, of course, right now, with the whole pink kit affair...

NE: Right, Miguel (Carnalejo)'s bet with NEWI Cefn Druids. What's your take on the whole affair.

RH: Honestly, Miguel shouldn't have done that. Battling for our qualifying lives was serious enough. Now, I know we had some kit trouble before with them, but his words went too far.

Now, as for actually going through with it, I have no problem. Really, it serves these guys right for their weak performances. Hopefully it will be some motivation to play in top form, before I send the lot of them down to the reserves.

NE: Cup of Harmony XI is coming up, and is clearly an option for your side. There have also been rumors about the LAFC bidding to host the competition, effectively ensuring your side's participation. Do you plan on sending this team to the CoH? Also, will you make any lineup changes in that's the case?

RH: As for Legalese trying to host, I wouldn't know. I haven't been told anything by the Soccer House. However, I do plan on being at the Cup of Harmony, with a full side. The makeup of the side will be determined at a time when it is appropriate. The only thing I can assure you is that we won't be wearing pink.

Iansisle

10-12-2004, 22:25

Oceaice trail Iansisle by 8 points after it had a successful moose shooting day winning against the team Runaway Moose 4-0.

((Aw, you stole my joke before I even had the chance to make it! ;)))

Manitoba

A flurry of snowflakes blew into the small fur trading post as an unusual shape fought its way through the large door. Part of it was a large, barrel-chested Iansislean clad in flannel; the remainder was a fifteen hundred pound quadruped in a cart.

“Hello, Jack. What’s that, then?” asked the shopkeeper in a cautious voice, his tiny rat-like eyes darting from the cart to the burly hunter and back. It was almost always bad news when that crazy Ian brought in his latest catch.

“Runaway,” grunted Jack, setting down the cart with a dull thud. “From St Jacques’ Moose Farm. I caught him up near the ford.”

“Aw, Christ, Jack,” moaned the shopkeeper, bustling over. “You know that St Jacques doesn’t pay a bounty for a dead runaway moose!”

“We’re lucky to get anything out of that cheap-ass canuck,” muttered Jack as the shopkeeper looked the carcass up and down.

“My God, Jack, look at the size of these holes? What the hell caliber were you using?”

“My .270 football,” replied the Iansislean indignantly. “Now are you going to give me my bounty or not?”

The mousy little man darted his eyes up to Jack’s face and sighed at the resolve he saw there. “Three points, like usual?”

“Unless you want to give me four.”

“No, no.” The shopkeeper opened his register and pulled out some bills. “You’re still behind two other hunters, you know,” he said as he handed the money over. “Each of them brought in a bounty today.”

“I guess I’ll just have to try harder, then,” grinned the Iansislean. He turned to leave.

“Wait, Jack!” called the shopkeeper. “Will you at least put that carcass in the back?”

The door closed before he had finished the sentence.

Hiiraan

10-12-2004, 22:26

Hiiraan Goes Against Villiapange
Hiiraan Ties Kylaia to 2 Goals

- Hiiraan is today hoping to recieve its first 3 points, Yes we are ELIMINATED, yet we still hope to rise in the ranks, We hope next cup, we do better than what we have today, Hiiraan also tied Kylaia, the number 4 team to 2 square, after beating there offense to crisp clean, the Team defense was superb compared to the Kylaian Disaster, Hiiraan is now seeking to triple its 2 points and get about 6 points with a win, this will surely make us not to be the last, we surely hope to make our selves go dilligently in this process.

Viliiapange Game Expected to produce the first 3 points.
Hiiraan Seeks, as Anaylst predicts.

- Hiiraan First three points are expected today, this is will surely promote as to be at least 5 points, this is added from our previous 2 points, this was from 2 ties, with one happening yesterday.
Hiiraan game against villiapange is expected to be one sided, giving us to a one of the last teams to be this team, we have tied them in our last game.
Hiiraan is now expected to be a good team next year after international analyst predicted that Hiiraan is surely one of the best Emerging teams out there,

Villiapange, ceased from compotation and there team is virtually hopeless, if they loose or win, none will come out of it for them, this will surely cause them to drag and become losers and more losing next year will come for them,

Villiapange is not a great team; even if they have not left, Hiiraan would have won with a TKO, yap! A technical knockout, as we like to call ourselves, the givers of TKO, but surely we have received one now since we are an early eliminated team.

Bedistan

10-12-2004, 23:03

A city street in Derivation, Towel province, Imminent Implosion, 5:43 AM

A bright ray from the rising sun awakens a sleeping Morris McGarity. Looking around, he sees that not a soul is anywhere near him. "I'm safe," he mutters to himself. "I'm really safe."

Then he remembers. "The BFA is evil. They don't care if I'm in another country, they'll still find me. I have to change my identity. I have to get to Tingitana."

Slowly he lifts himself from the pavement and starts trying to find the nearest airport.

Jackson Reinhardt's apartment, Sonoma City, 8:17 AM

"Damn." Reinhardt has been cursing himself all morning. "Why was I so out of control? Why did I knock the guy out? Now he could die, I could be in a lot of trouble, and..."

"Don't worry about that," says Hammond, who went there with him to try to help him calm down a bit overnight. "George is a good man. If you just apologize to him, he'll forgive you."

"Where is he?"

"Northside Regional, room 828."

Reinhardt grabs his car keys. "Well, don't just stand there! Let's move!"

8th floor, Northside Regional Medical Center, Sonoma City, 9:22 AM

Hammond and Reinhardt make their way down the hall, accompanied by a nurse. Washburn's room is at the very end of the hall on the right. "He's still not looking good," she tells them. "He hasn't been able to speak yet."

"That's all right," Reinhardt responds. "Even if he can't talk to me, I need to talk to him. I need to apologize."

"Well, at least he is awake, so I assume he can hear you."

The three of them enter George's room. As expected, he is lying in his bed, all sorts of machinery connected in one way or another to his lower jaw. "George?" Reinhardt asks softly. "Can you hear me?" Unable to move his head, Washburn instead raises his right index finger. "I'll take that as a yes.

"I came here, George, to tell you how sorry I am. I shouldn't have snapped on you yesterday the way I did. Hell, I shouldn't have snapped on the team the way I did. I was angry, and I let my anger get the best of me. I can't let that happen. I want to you know that I will always be your friend and that...well, I hope to never be that stupid again."

Washburn raises his finger again, more feebly than before. His eyes are now closed, and he seems to be sleeping. Hammond and Reinhardt both begin to weep softly, afraid of what may have happened to their compatriot.

BSTV Hatemail Department for Angry and Disgruntled Viewers, Braccia Building, Sonoma City, 10:07 AM

Vice President of Hate Mail Brent Tomlinson is seated at his desk, reading a letter that came in today's mail.

From: Big Pimento Football Association
CC: BSTV Hatemail Department for Angry and Disgruntled Viewers
Subject: Skip Bernardo Slip-Up

It has been brought to our attention that you have accused us of accusing you of foul play. Poppycock is correct, we've done nothing of the sort. You must be referring to Skip Bernardo's comments on his late night sports show.

Firstly, I believe Mr. Bernardo was implying that you sent a diluted squad to try to rest up some starters and get some of the kids some international experience. None of this trying to "throw the match" conspiracy stuff, just that you guys lost as a result of underestimating your opponents.

And secondly, Skip Bernardo is an idiot. He's a sports journalist and paid to start rumours and speculate upon things. He doesn't really care if Bedistan loses, he just wants to break a scoop so we can win one of those Peabody journalism awards.

The thoughts exclaimed were those of Mr. Bernardo and not those of the Pimento F.A.. I hope this letter cleared any doubt.

Bogart Freeman
Big Pimento Football Association President
51% Shareholder for Carson County GM and Saturn

Tomlinson quickly drafts a short letter of his own to send over to the BPFA.

From: BSTV Hatemail Department for Angry and Disgruntled Viewers
CC: Bogart Freeman, President, Big Pimento Football Association
Subject: Re: Skip Bernardo Slip-Up

Mr. Freeman:

I would like to note that at no time during our broadcast did we accuse the Big Pimento Football Association of anything. Observe these quotes from the transcript:

"Despite this, or indeed possibly because of it, many commentators in other Group Nine nations such as Big Pimento and Shonar Bangla are crying foul, saying that Bedistan threw the Eystrck match."

Note the word "commentators" in this sentence. This would refer not to the BPFA, but rather to the aforementioned Mr. Bernardo.

"Both Shonar Bangla and Big Pimento are effectively accusing the team of deliberately losing the match just to show that they could -- that they could afford to just throw three points to the wind like it was nothing."

Here, you may have a little more of a claim, but what Mr. Jenkins meant by saying "Big Pimento" was "some, though not all, citizens of Big Pimento" and not "the Big Pimento Football Association".

I hope this clears the situation up a bit.

Brent Tomlinson
Vice President of Hate Mail
Bedistan Sports Television

Bedistan Football Association, Amissville, 12:02 PM

BFA president Johnny Lewis is standing behind a podium, ready to begin his emergency press conference.

"I would like to thank you all for coming here today," he begins. "As things are currently a bit shaky here, I'm going to make this short and sweet. After yesterday's unexpected loss during World Cup qualifying, Bedistan national team manager Morris McGarity fled Fillmore National Stadium and has not been seen since. He is more likely than not out of the country now. As he is now a suspected felon, I have no qualms about officially relieving him of his duties. Until such time as we have decided upon a new manager, I would like to officially name Mike Davidson to the position of interim manager for the remainder of World Cup qualifying.

"That's all for now. No questions."

The Belmore Family

11-12-2004, 00:04

||------------------ Matchday 12 Scores and Tables Posted ------------------||

Fmjphoenix

11-12-2004, 00:41

Vikings keep slim qualifying hopes alive defearting Kipto-Mare again

The Vikings kept pace with The Eagles Nest by defeating the second to last place Kipto-Mare team again by the score of 2-0. They still have to more games left, the next one coming at Lennon Marx and ending with Phanazia. But this game was important for Fmjphoenix as they are playing one the same level that they started with again.

THe match started off with Kipto-Mare heading upfield, but their center did not keep the ball for long, as the Vikings playing in the 3-4-3 formation for the first full time this season, got it took by that added player in Marty Slocker, as he took the ball from him and turned the charge around. Ten minutes and 4 shots later, the ball came to rest with Jorge Mendel, the Kipto-Mare goalkeeper looked tired after his last deflection and got up slowly. That didn't stop Mendel as he came up and fired the first goal into the bnet for a 1-0 lead at 11 minutes. The remaining time of the first half was spent with only 3 shots against Fmjphoenix and Powell Lamar having little trouble defending them. The Vikings would take an additional 4 shots on their goalkeeper and by the end of the first half, the Kipto-Mare goalkeeper looked too tired to continue, kind of like his team.

The second half started a little slowly, as the Vikings did not get the ball until 7 minutes after the start, when Kipto-Mare took a shot that sailed roughly 15 feet over the top of the goal. The Vikings stode downfield and passed the ball of to Esteban Zeus who went back to kick, but was vicously kicked in his shin on the leg on the ground and went down. The referee gave the Kipto-Mare defender a red card for the event and had to be restrained back because he continued to try and hit Fmjphoenix players. With the injury to Zeus, Karim Ackbar found himself back on the field. Ackbar took the penelty shot for Zeus, but went wide to the left. Kipto-Mare took control and started heading back downfield. Finally, at the 77th minute Tra Miranda took the ball away from a Kipto-Mare forward and started downfield. Miranda passed to Ackbar, who continued downfield. At about 15 feet out, Ackbar reared his leg up for a shot, but faked out the defenderand goalkeeper as he passed to Mike Nolan, who then fired a shot in that got passed the goalkeeper to bring the lead 2-0. Sadly for Kipto-Mare, the goalkeeped had to be replaced by their reserve goalkeeper, as when the starting goalkeeper dove to try and deflect Nolan's shot, he slid into the pole of the net and recieved a mild concussion. The match ended without anymore interest, as the Vikings did not get another goal in, nor did Kipto-Mare get a shot off at all.

With the win, the Vikings kept themselves in the race for the final qualifying spot, but the road to it is very tough. The team must win their last two games agains Lennon Marx and Phanazia and must get their goal difference to a something higher. Then they need ORD to lose both of its remaining two games OR TEN to lose its last game. In either event, the Vikings will need its goal difference to be higher than either team, so it will very likely come down to the last day of qualification.

Fmjphoenix: 2
(Mendel 11, Nolan 78)

Kipto-Mare: 0
(None)

Group 5 Standings:
Pos Team GP W D L GF-GA P
[1] Melmond 11 7 3 1 25-6 24
[2] One Red Dot 10 5 5 0 14-6 20
[3] The Eagle's Nest 11 6 2 3 20-12 20
4- Fmjphoenix 10 4 2 4 14-15 14
5- Phazania 10 3 3 4 12-16 12
6- Kipto-Mare 10 1 2 7 4-18 5
7- Lennon Marx 10 0 3 7 3-19 3

Eauz

11-12-2004, 01:14

Le LIBRE

A Giant has awaken

With a packed stadium mixed with Rejis and Eauz fans, the atmosphere was amazing as Les Bleus were hoping to sweep Rejistania, who they beat in Rejistania during match day 5. Rejistania was hoping to get back on the ball and return to the form they used to be at pre-WC19. For Rejistania, this match was a need to win match, as they worried about falling out of qualification. Les Bleus were almost qualified, and would qualify, even with a loss in this match.

With some of the best players facing off against each other, many of whom were teammates on regional teams, this seemed to be a one of the best matches of the qualifying round. The whistle blew, and the Rejistanian team came out attacking early. It appeared that they wanted to prove to their fans, and the world that they are the real number 1 team in the world. They also were probably encouraged to play better, due to the scandal going on with their coach. The attack came quick, as a Rejistanian forward took the ball towards the net, passing it to a teammate in front of the net. The player kicked the ball, hitting the crossbar. The ball bounced back into play, as Rousoi tried to grab the ball. He missed it, and fell to the ground. A mid-fielder from Rejistania kicked the ball into the net at the 13th minute of play. Rousoi was frustrated and pounded the ground. He later grabbed the ball and kicked it down the field in frustration. Rejistania was not done there, as during the 26th minute of play, the Rejis keeper sent the ball down field, as a few mid-fielders and forwards followed it down field. Boulongeur received the ball, but couldn’t handle it, as 2 attackers took over the ball. A pass to the other, and a shot was taken, not giving Rousoi a chance, as Rejistania went up early by a 2 – 0 count. Eauz and their players couldn’t believe what they saw, as it appeared as if Eauz didn’t even show up for the match. Frustration was mounting for Les Bleus, as during the 32nd minute of play, Alia received a pass from Vasser, but the referee called Alia offside. Les Bleus though did get one back during the 37th minute of play, as Rousseau received a pass from Camus. Rousseau took the shot, sending it to the other side of the net, just going in, putting Les Bleus up 2 – 1. The crowd started to get back in the match, and fans could be heard chanting and screaming at Rejistanian national team. The first half ended at a 2 – 1 lead for Rejistania, and it appeared to be the opposite of match day 5.

The second half brought more excitement, as during the 48th minute of play, a Rejistanian player was knocked over by a Vasser attack. The referee brought up the yellow card, and then gave another yellow card to Alia, who was contesting the call. The free kick outside the penalty zone, saw the ball sail towards the front of the net. Daintan headed it, but it went backwards, only to be saved by Rousoi. At this time, Rousoi sent a kick down field, which was reclaimed by a Rejis defender. The defender passed it up to a mid-fielder who was knocked down by a clean attack by Vasser. This time, the referee didn’t award anything, to the luck of Vasser. At the 69th minute of play, a corner kick was given to Rejistania. The kick was taken, going past the group of players near the net. The ball did though stay in Rejis possession, as the mid-fielder passed it around. Finally, a shot was taken, speeding past the diving Rousoi, who had no chance. Rejistania went up 3 – 1. The Eauz manager was frustrated, along with his team, at the lack of effort he saw from his team. Camus tried to get something started for Les Bleus, when he cleanly attacked for the ball. He got the ball, and went up field. Seeing Alia open, he sent it to Alia, but the keeper came out, and grabbed the ball before it could reach Alia. Les Bleus were getting their chances, but they were not concentrating. A final blow to Les Bleus came during the 84th minute of play, as Eauz had made a few substitutions in, Rejistania got in near the net, but one of the players was pulled down, giving them a free kick. The kick was good, as Rejistania pulled ahead with a 4 – 1 lead. They would not look back, as they finished off Les Bleus by a 4 – 1 score. With the victory, Rejistania knocks off any doubt by fans and management, that their team is not for real. The Eauz manager said later after the game “It appears that we might have woken a sleeping giant, as Rejistania is starting to find its offence just in time for the World Cup.”

Despite the loss, Les Bleus qualified for the world cup, but will have to play well in their next 2 matches if they hope to stay in 1st place. On their heals are Adam Island, who also played today, and lost 2 – 0 to the hapless Evil Umpire team. The Loss gives Les Bleus the breathing room to stay in 1st. Two more matches are left for Les Bleus, being with Kylaai and Esth. If history is to repeat itself, Les Bleus would finish with a victory over Kylaai and a tie against Esth. Les Bleus though will be looking to not go out on a bad note, and get their offence and defence back into shape. As the standings are at the moment, 4 teams are left for 3 spots. Anything is possible, but for Eauz fans, they hope that they can see their team stay in 1st place.

Schedule

*Matches in Gray will not count or be played

Match Day 1: Adam Island @ Eauz W 1 - 3
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Hiiraan W 4 - 0
Match Day 3: Villapange @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match Day 4: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire W 1 - 0
Match Day 5: Eauz @ Rejistania W 3 - 2
Match Day 6: Kylaai @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 7: Eauz @ Esth T 2 - 2

Match Day 8: Eauz @ Adam Island L 1 - 2
Match Day 9: Hiiraan @ Eauz W 1 - 4
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Villapange
Match Day 11: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Match Day 12: Rejistania @ Eauz L 2 - 1
Match Day 13: Eauz @ Kylaai
Match Day 14: Esth @ Eauz

Group 7
[1] Eauz 10 7 1 2 24-13 22
[2] Adam Island 11 7 0 4 18-15 21
[3] Rejistania 10 6 1 3 27-18 19
4- Kylaai 10 4 3 3 19-18 15
5- Esth 10 3 3 4 15-16 12 ELIM
6- The Evil Umpire 11 4 0 7 18-17 12 ELIM
7- Hiiraan 10 0 2 8 8-32 2 ELIM

Liverpool England

11-12-2004, 01:32

LE Daily

-LATEST NEWS: 7AM BREAKING-

Ha~e Hangila demotes Sirx

Ralph Sirx has been removed from his job as national manager of the team after failing to achieve a victory over Total n Utter Insanity. Sirx, who'll now take charge of the under-23 team participating in Ninurta's Round-Robin League, and then the under-19 team after that, was sacked after failing to meet an ultimatum. The FALE are understood to have appointed former manager Ha~e Hangila for a second, albeit temporary, spell as national manager. Paul Dussis revealed that he was looking to bring in Syku Lyku from Rejistania (SyLy played alongside Dussis at Orean for one season, then worked under Dussis for a further three seasons), and that if that failed, Steven Blackwell, WC9 bronze medallist, would be next in line.

Shonar Bangla

11-12-2004, 05:34

Hammerund-- Leaving aside the ongoing crisis in Bedistan which is an internal matter of the Bedistan Football Association, focus returned to the field as Matchday 12 got underway. A game of special interest was played today, between Shonar Bangla and Hammerund, both still potential qualifiers for the Group Stage. Shonar Bangla were riding on a high after a morale-boosting victory over Bedistan yesterday, and Hammerund has, as Big Pimiento perfectly put it, "run out of steam". Just like the last encounter, Shonar Bangla conceded no goals, but instead, scored four. A convincing victory that will work wonders for future games.

The day began not so well for the Bangalis, who deprived of the luxurious Bedistani beds, did find themselves grumbling as they shovelled their way to the field. However, the important of the occassion was too great to be passed of apathetically, and the Bangalis sang the national anthem O Amar Shonar Bangla with great heart. The crowds appeared rowdy, and booes could be heard as the anthem was being sung.

The victory was no upset, it was as if it had been foretold by the stars, if one saw the determinate resolve as well as professionalism of every Bangali player, that of a job that needed perfect execution, and that they did. Realizing that the goal difference issue might eventually come to play as the race tightened, the Bangalis played the perfect mix of solid defense and aggressive offense. Although a victory against a slumping team, today's game saw some of the more erratic side of conservative manager Rana Ali, something we had not seen in a long time, and the gamble paid off beautifully. Instead of sticking to a traditional method of defending first and attempting scoring later, the formations differed at different times, thus sending confused signals to the opposition, who had no idea about how to respond to every substitution. The rotation of the bench played a great role in the victory.

In other news, Eystrk has defeated Big Pimiento in a major upset. Despite the statistical possibility of Eystrk, Raptor Claw and Hammerund, the competition seems to come down to Big Pimiento and Shonar Bangla, who incidentally are the last game of the qualifier stage.

Shonar Bangla

11-12-2004, 06:38

Sen: Good morning Shonar Bangla, and welcome to SportsCentre, coming today with a special focus on Matchday Twelve of the Nineteenth World Cup. I am your host Santanu Sen, joining you on your breakfast with our beautiful co-host Madhumanti.

Madhumanti (giggling): Thank you Santanu, you are so sweet. Good morning everybody, today we have a special program, joining us, are Harsha Bhogle, who is now back in Murshidabad, and later Rana Ali. But before that, we'll take a quick break.

Sen: Welcome back, we are joined in the studio by Harsha Bhogle, our team's official spokesperson and media correspondent. So Harsha, how has your stay in Bedistan been?

Harsha: Very interesting to say the least. I think we are partly responsible for it, but you can't blame us for winning, that's our job. Those Bedistanis do need some good Bengali movies, it seems like they have a lack of drama in that land.

Madhumanti: I know right, way things turned out there. I mean, here, people go out on the streets and burn pictures of our players when we lose, but at least the team sticks together, instead of kicking each other in the face.

Harsha: Definitely, for once, I'm sure even the liberals will be glad, that there is discipline among the unit.

Madhumanti: Aside the conclusions, any news on the situation?

Harsha: Not really, the Bedistanis made it clear it was their own matter, so all I got was what they have published, and I didn't want to elaborate on the rumours. I mean, there were rumours of McGarity being kidnapped, even assassinated, yesterday. Now, it turns out he is on the run because he feels humiliated to show his face in Bedistan ever again.

Sen: Strange people, strange ways, well, we are glad you could join us back in Shonar Bangla, you do a great job by the way. Well thank you for being on the show.

Harsha: So do you two, we all contribute our part. It was my pleasure being here, thank you very much.

Sen: Well Bangalis, there you have it, not much about situation in Bedistan. We'll go for a commercial break now, but don't even touch that remote, we will be again rejoined by our coach Rana Ali, for a deep analysis of the current situation.

Madhumanti: Welcome back people, we are here joined by coach Rana Ali, good morning Rana.

Ali: Good morning to you Madhu. I just want to say sorry for the conflict we had yesterday.

Madhu: Oh no, my fault totally, I let my emotions take over, very unprofessional of me. I apologize. With that behind, you seemed a new man yesterday, what changed?

Ali (laughing): I don't know really, still the same person. Seriously, we knew Hammerund would be beaten, so I decided to experiment today. And as you saw, they worked, so yeah.

Sen: Gambling with such high stakes, not nice!!

Ali: True, but despite the high stakes, we were very certain of a victory.

Sen: What do you see happening now in Group 9?

Ali: This group is amazing, only two more games left, and still so much to be decided. An inconsequential game was played today in a long time, the one between Bedistan and Lovisa. Raptor Claw sat out today. We gained three crucial points, and improved our horrible goal difference. The most unexpected thing that happened was Big Pimiento losing to Eystrk, a very welcome development for us.

Madhu: What do you predict for the next two days?

Ali: Tomorrow, Raptor Claw faces Lovisa, a guaranteed defeat for them. Big Pimiento will face Hammerund tomorrow, a team that has defeated them in the past, but looking at the way Hammerund is going, a Big Pimiento win wouldn't be a surprise. A draw between the two would be great for us. A victory for either makes our game with Eystrk a must-win. Look, basically, all we need to do is win the last 2 games to get in. I don't want any wishy-washy. We did enough of that already, those draws with Raptor Claw should have been our victories.

Sen: Rana, you seem to have a great respect for Big Pimiento, for a team that has lost to the likes of Eystrk and Hammerund. Is that one loss still a thorn on your side?

Ali: Well, I want to say, Eystrk has more than proven themselves recently. And yes, that 7-1 loss is still a big one, the biggest we had in international history. Heck, it not only hurt our goal difference, for a time, it hit us morally. Thank goodness though, we didn't take it too badly, and rebounded in great fashion. I just hope we can carry this through.

Madhumanti: What is your objective in this World Cup?

Ali: Well, we would love to win the cup, but let's be practical. For the moment, I am just looking to qualify into the Group stage, gives us some international credibility. Another of my short-term goals was to defeat a top-10 ranked team, and I am happy we beat Bedistan, although beating Lovisa would have been a great symbolic victory due to their invincibility. But anyway, that won't happen now, not yet. We just hope to erase that blemish of a defeat to Big Pimiento.

Sen: Okay Rana, great analysis, it was great having you with us today. We here in the studio and everyone in Shonar Bangla wishes you a safe trip to Eystrk, and best of luck in the upcoming games.

Ali: My pleasure to be here, and thank you, it is your patriotism that drives us forward.

Madhumanti: Well, that's it for today on SportsCentre, be sure join us tomorrow again, same time same place. Good day!!

Jeruselem

11-12-2004, 14:40

Jeruselem Government News

Group 3 settled, Ians progress

Match day 12, and Jeruselem had a bye. The game of real interest was the Iansisle vs Crystilakere game where the fate of Oceaice's campaign was to be settled. Oceaice needed Crystilakere to win but Crystilakere lost 3-1 to Ians who are now second in Group 3 on goal difference. Jeruselem are still first as Crystilakere lost and would have claimed top spot if they won.

Jeruselem play Crystilakere and Iansisle next, but are assured of a top 3 position regardless of the results. One win from the two games will secure at least second position in Group 3.

Oceaice beat 7JM 1-0 but all to no avail as they are 8 points behind 2nd and 3rd with no hope now. Runaway Moose sent Lethislavania packing as it won 2-1 to make Lethislavania's misery worse.

Group 3
Crystilakere 1 - 3 Iansisle
7JM 0 - 1 Oceaice
Runaway Moose 2 - 1 Lethislavania

Group 3 P W D L GF-GA Pt
Jeruselem 10 8 1 1 29-11 25
Iansisle 11 8 0 3 29-12 24
Crystilakere 11 8 0 3 27-15 24
Oceaice 10 5 1 4 15-22 16
Lethislavania 10 2 1 7 18-26 7
Runaway Moose 10 2 0 8 6-24 6
7JM 10 1 1 8 10-24 4

Sarzonia

11-12-2004, 18:41

Stars stumped in loss

With the Sarzonian national team needing one win and a Lykaia loss to clinch a spot in the World Cup finals, the Stars had a chance to end suspense early by beating Lykaia away, but their offense failed on several close in shot attempts and the Stars lost 1-0.

"We are now going to have to play the two highest ranked teams in our effort to qualify for the finals," Coach Dave Wilson said. "We had our chances and we didn't take advantage of them."

With the Stars (8-1-3, 25 points) out of the running for the Group 8 title, they hoped their match at Audioslavia would be little more than a tuneup and a chance to start some depth players, but with the team only three points ahead of both Lykaia and The Lowland Clans for the third spot, Sarzonia will have to play its match to win.

"We can't go in hoping for a draw because if one of those teams wins, we're only going to be one point clear of them. We want to be able to get in and get in with more of a favorable seeding," midfielder Darwin Russell said. "But first, we're going to have to figure something out about our offense against the toughest team in the group."

Audioslavia (10-2-0, 32 points) has only two draws as blemishes on its unbeaten mark, but the first one came at Hendrix Stadium. The Stars know they're going to have to play a "perfect game of football" to defeat Audioslavia away.

"Now is not the time to slip up," Wilson said. "We did that in World Cup 16 and we don't want an instant replay of that here."

Bedistan

11-12-2004, 18:49

A month has passed since the Shonar Bangla match. Morris McGarity has not been seen since then, and Mike Davidson has agreed to take on the managing position full-time. George Washburn's injury was thankfully not as serious as feared, and while he will remain out for the crucial Lovisa match, he is expected to be ready to play again in the World Cup proper, assuming the Lions get there. Washburn himself personally dropped any and all charges against Jackson Reinhardt, saving the latter from potential jail time. The day of the match has arrived, and the nation is on pins and needles, waiting to see how the Lions will perform.

*da-da...da da da DA! da da...da da da da da...da da da da da...da da da da da...da-da-da-da DA! da da...da da da da da...da da da da da...da da da da da...da-da-da-da...*

Mike: Hello, sports fans, and welcome to BSTV's live coverage of World Cup Nineteen Qualifying Group Nine action between Bedistan and Lovisa! I'm Mike Michaels in here in the broadcast booth with Ken Jenkins high above...uh, well, I really don't know the name of the stadium or the city in which it's located, and being in Lovisa, I doubt I could pronounce it anyway.

Ken: Same here. Anyway, this is a crucial match for the Lions today. It's really not of much importance for the rest of Group Nine, since Lovisa is already qualified and we're four points ahead of the massive five-nation pack fighting for third position, but the Lions still need three points to ensure qualification, and everyone will be wondering whether this team can hold together after last month.

Mike: Very true. But I'm not going to belabor that point any more than I have to. And judging by what they're saying over the PA system now, something's about to happen. Don't ask me what, 'cause I told you I don't speak Lovisan. Let's be quiet until we find out what it is, though.

They happen to be announcing the playing of the national anthems, Bedistan's first, followed by Lovisa's. Mike and Ken are quiet while they play.

Ken: A rousing rendition of both anthems there. Since we're about to get underway, let's have a look at the rosters, eh, Mike?

Mike: I'd be glad to. For your Bedistan Lions it'll be Nick Reagan in goal as always; Lipinski, Chang, and al-Armani on defense; Willow, Bowden, Yu, and Parks in midfield; and Carpenter, Reinhardt, and Cardinal on the front line.

25 84 87
Carpenter Reinhardt Cardinal

91 24
Willow 17 96 Parks
Bowden Yu

26 88 92
Lipinski Chang al-Armani

12
Reagan

Ken: Couple oddities I see in that lineup. George Washburn would normally be a starting striker, but he remains out with an injury, so Vanessa Carpenter will take his place in this match. Also, left-back Ian Hammond is out due to a self-imposed suspension (that is, he's punishing himself for that own goal last match), so Wes Lipinski gets his starting slot. You have the Lovisa roster, Mike?

Mike: No, I don't.

Ken: You don't?

Mike: That's what I said.

Ken: And why not, Mike?

Mike: Well, no amount of clicking on the name "Lovisa" on this main roster page is doing any good.

Ken: Well, these computers do use Skylights '55 after all. It's no wonder they don't work properly.

Mike: What are you, Rejistanian? Anyway, I've also done a manual search of the three-page-long master roster repository with no results.

Ken: Surely the Lovisan FA would let us know who's playing?

Mike: Apparently not, Ken.

Ken: Well, that's a drag. I hate having to refer to players by their numbers for the entire broadcast.

Mike: Well, unless you can find some way to not refer to them at all, I'm afraid that's what you're going to have to do.

Ken: I think we should sue the Lovisan FA for forcing us to do that.

Mike: What are you now, Legalesian?

Ken: Now see what you've done? We're already six minutes into the match, and we've missed all the action so far!

Mike: That's not my fault; it's Lovisa's fault for not giving us a roster.

Ken: Excuses, excuses.

Mike: Pot. Kettle. Black.

Ken: Folks, we're going to take a quick commercial break while Mike and I sort out our differences. We'll be right back.

Hiiraan

11-12-2004, 19:32

Good morning Shonar Bangla, and welcome to SportsCentre
Consider yourself SUED, you are stealing and you should be put in the court of Stealing Good ideas :p

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hiiraan Goes Against a BoF Winner
A super Boy's Challange

Today Hiiraan goes against the BoF wildboyz, YAP! We are facing a super boy simple for all of the weak nations out their, their team came from the most hated 150 spot to the loved spots of the 80s, they have twice beaten the world number one, with humiliating results. They are the worlds most looked at team and now we go against them, they have beaten us before to a score of 2:1, just like they did to Rejistania, the world number 1.

Hiiraan defense and Offense have brought the best strategy to defeat such a team, although we are surely eliminated, we want to win and at least go out of the qualification with at least 10 points, we hope this will make the TEU lose some hope.

Hiiraan will try to manage this young team and try to control the ball and make sure this young and Elusive team has no chance in our goal, yesterday Game which was cancelled because the vill's have managed not to come to play.

Hiiraan's game against this young and borrowed team is very hard to say, because this team had the luck of both the F and the actual team has been very well televised, the are the beat of the town, but we will make sure they are still head over the hills and they do not get of their hulasagenic head, Hiiraan is not a looking to waste any opportunity with this young and elusive team.

Hiiraan reporter say they are all In in this game, NONE are left to report for their home and city teams after making after every channel went against this match, all want an exclusive, and all are gone for that chance.
Hiiraan local matches, we shall se to this game said one producer, we shall see was everyone’s answer, all the crowds, the channels, the government, all want to see this match and how it comes out.

The last time we had this kind of reporter frenzy was when Somalialand existed, and this was nothing like when we had that former frenzy. We look to defeat any team that comes our way, promised one spectator, we are the ocean blues and the ocean blues never back down.

Bedistan

11-12-2004, 20:38

Mike: Welcome back. Wow, that was an excruciatingly long commercial break, wasn't it?

Ken: That it was. We're now in the 19th minute of play, score still tied at zero, but not for lack of trying. The Lions have been a well-oiled machine out there, though the Lovisan defense is not planning to give in any time soon.

Mike: It really wouldn't be too bad if we failed to win this match, but the BFA and the team have something to prove here, and they're not going to be satisfied with anything less than three points.

Ken: Don't get me wrong, Mike, Lovisa's a fine side. But the rankings say it all: the Lions are better. And the better team should win the match.

Mike: Then how do you explain the first Lovisa match? The two Big Pimento matches? The vortex of evil that we call the Shonar Bangla match?

Ken: Vortex of evil? You sound like a turn-of-the-century politician.

Mike: A politician? Slander! I'll not have you dirty my good name like that!

Ken: Good name? What good name?

Mike: Look, we'll settle this after the match. Let's get back to the pitch.

Ken: Yes, let's. Nick Yu has the ball at midfield. He's searching...searching...makes a pass up the right side, Cardinal's on it like a fly on...uh, feces. And look at that shot! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--

Mike: Now what are you, Brazillican? Cut that out. At any rate, that is a very nice goal, launched from twenty-two yards by Sven Cardinal directly into the goal to put Bedistan up one-nil in the 25th minute.

Ken: You never let me have any fun.

Mike: Sure I do, but you couldn't hold a note in a bucket.

Ken: Dude, I wasn't even singing.

Mike: No, but it's pretty close.

Ken: Mike, that's like saying getting on the escalator five times counts as exercise. It doesn't.

Mike: That has absolutely nothing to do with what I just said.

Ken: Like hell it does. You made an absurd statement, and I followed it with an equally absurd statement.

Mike: When do you not follow what I say with an absurd statement?

As Ken tries to think of a comeback, a whistle blows.

Ken: Well...crikey, halftime already? We just scored not three minutes ago!

Mike: Time goes much faster here in Lovisa. It really has been 45 minutes since the match started.

Ken: So I guess I'm not gonna have time for a bathroom break before the second half starts?

Mike: Time slows down at halftime for just that purpose.

Ken: Ah, got it. Be back in a bit.

Mike: Heh. And that, sports fans, is how you get rid of an annoying guy. Time's not slowing down at all, and the match might even be over before he gets back. Enjoy this much quieter second half.

The whistle blows again. Some time passes before Mike speaks again.

Mike: Here we are, 64th minute, score still one-nil Bedistan, Reinhardt with a short pass over to Carpenter. She's in the box, only the keeper to beat. He gets a finger on it, but it's NOT ENOUGH! GOAL Bedistan! Two-nothing! Now all the Lions have to do is hang on to that lead, and they'll be stamping their passports to TBF and/or Turori. Sure enough, the team's dropping back on defense now.

Ken: All right, I'm back. How much longer till the second half starts?

Mike: Ken, you dumbass. We're over twenty minutes in, and we've scored again. What did you have, diarrhea?

Ken: You told me time slowed down at halftime!

Mike: Haven't you learned by now not to believe anything I say?

Ken: Why, you little--

The sound of fighting in the booth can be heard for the remainder of the match. Nothing else important occurs on the pitch, and the Lions hold on for a 2-0 win, three points, and qualification for the World Cup.

Krytenia

11-12-2004, 22:12

Karim Isserson: "What the hell was that?"

Alan Munitis: "The RL Screw. Really can knock you out, eh boss?"

KI: "You're telling me! So where are we in the table?"

AM: "Fourth."

KI: "Holy Crap!"

AM: "But we did beat Druida last game. Three-one."

KI: "Not so bad. So we need to win our last two games then."

AM: "Yup, and it's Squornshelous next."

KI: "Not good. And the last game."

AM: "Starblaydia. Away."

***We'll just leave Mr Isserson to choke on his decaf at this point. Oh boy are we screwed.

EL CID THE HERO

11-12-2004, 22:48

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

3 OUT OF 3

The Weegies 2 (? 46, 49)
EL CID THE HERO 6 (Adams 7 Trotter 36,42,64 Kraid 58 Dent 75)

Just like WC 17 the lions have beaten The Weegies and put them through to the finals. a hat-trick from Trotter and a goal each from Kraid, Adams and Dent was to offset the 2 goals from the Weegies side.

The first goal came from an unexpected source in the 6th minute when Adams put one away before the Weegies's game had really begun. Kido chipped the ball into the box and Adams left footed it into the net. Keeper couldn't get to it.

The second goal came when Dent managed to get a through ball passed the Weegies defence to Trotter and effectively making the goal redundant as he slotted it into the net. It became clear at that point that we were going to see a lot more of Trotter that night when his next shot just hit the post 2 minutes later. It was going to be a busy night for the keeper from that point

4 minutes after that Trotter scored again with a superb strike from 30 yards curved in a the keeper was stranded. The goal was greeted with a roar from the El Cid as they felt that with only 3 minutes to go till half time it could be their night.

At the restart however it was the lions that were on the back foot when The Weegies twice scored from corner kicks to bring them back to 1 goal down. Niemi and the defence were furious with themselves.

“I was in the wrong place, I see that now.” Said Niemi after the match “but no one expected the Weegies to come back so strong after the restart.”

If the fans were upset with Niemi he was their hero a few minutes later when he blacked a forceful shot from 5 yards later. Keeping the lions 1 up at the 53rd.

The lions had a 2 goal cushion 5 minutes after Niemi kicked it up field. Kraid intercepted the ball in the Weegies box and got it into the net from 5 yards. Trotter then completed his hat trick 6 minutes later from a 15 yard blast into the goal. The end seemed nigh for the Weegies and when Dent got a goal past the keeper on the 75th that prompted a mass exodus of the Weegies’ fans from the stadium and a mash uproar from the ECTH fans. They knew that their team was now through to the WC for the 3rd consecutive time.

Doomhammer however was not impressed with how the match went.

“Yes we played well, yes we won, but we let in two goals from the set plays and we won’t win if we can’t stop people scoring with that ease.”

The lions now have 2 matches left to play before the WC. Can they come out on top?

READ AND YOU WILL FIND

MD8
EL CID THE HERO 1 - 0 Munchkinloopa

MD9
Sliponia 0 - 4 EL CID THE HERO

MD10
EL CID THE HERO 2-3 Legalese

MD11
Chonchland 0 - 3 EL CID THE HERO

MD12
The Weegies 2 - 6 EL CID THE HERO

MD13
EL CID THE HERO Vs Kaze Progressa

MD14
NEWI Cefn Druids Vs EL CID THE HERO

Druida

11-12-2004, 23:04

*President Margaret Smith has assembled the Margaret Army (all 41 of them) in his little tiny office. Also present is an unnamed helper of the President.*

President Smith: "Right then, Margarets of Druida, I address you as one of you. We, as the Margaret Army, are going to do our bit again for the Druidan football team. Now you might have noticed that they lost their last match 3-1 against Krytenia, so it looks as if it's going to go all the way to the wire, so that they need all the help that they can get. So we are all going to do our bit to help out again, just like we did when we all became Margarets!"

Margaret #31: "So, um... what are we going to do?"

President Smith: "We're going to send you all undercover to Melmond and The Evil Umpire to find these."

*Unnamed helper pulls out a picture of (supposedly) the Voodoo Dice.*

President Smith: "These, my friends, are the Voodoo Dice. They helped Melmond win the Cup of Harmony a while back when they hosted the tournament, but were reportedly stolen by Evil Umpireans. What your job is, is to go there and find them."

Unnamed helper: "Now, we thought it would be a bit suspicious that exactly 41 people called Margaret suddenly arrive on a flight from Druid Tribune to Cali in Melmond. So we're changing you all back to Trefors."

Margaret #22: "But... I quite like being Margaret."

Margaret #7: "Yeah, so do I!"

Margaret #16: "And me!"

*All the Margarets start shouting in agreement.*

Unnamed helper: "Er, quieten down, please!"

Margaret #38: I'm not bothered either way..."

President Smith: "Now, you're going to set off before our game against Starblaydia, so good luck, and bring home those dice!"

Fmjphoenix

11-12-2004, 23:50

*dialing of a number on a cell phone*

King Phoenix III: How goes the money making process?

Vorru: Errr its ...going um pretty GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!! *in the background you can hear a female voice 'how is that sir??' and muffled respone 'good shhhhhh its the king'* I mean good sir...

King Phoenix III: What was that? how much have you gotten?

Vorru: Umm nothing, that was a ..ahhhh worker of ...ahhh searching for problems with ummm...things... Yea, and umm how much have we gotten? ummm *muffled sounds but Vorru is heard asking Loor how much of the Kings money have they spent to how much they have made* Ummm.. we have lo.. made 21% so far

King Phoenix III: Well, thats not bad for a day I suppose, but you better make more NOW!!!!! click. beeeeeeep~~

*scene shifts to the hothouse where Vorru and Loor are.

Vorru: So you mean we have lost 21% of the 1 million that he gave us to turn into 5 million!! SHIT! What all have we bought.

Loor: Well, counting this 8th trip with these fine women and the many other things boughten, I would say about 250 thousand spent so far.

Vorru: We're so dead....

Loor: Not really sir, the reason we have gone up so much was cause I bought the 5 locations of this hothouse. All that revenue comes to us now!

Vorru's eyes light up: Really now! *thinks of all the fun things that he can do with one of the places* Good, lots of money. But do you think we will have the required 2.5 million before the Vikings match today against Lennon Marx?

Loor: Ummm.... I don't know, but the match will be on soon, and its not late enough to count monies earned....

Vorru: Well use your brain damn it!!! Go make money and dont come back til you have more in the account!!!!!

Loor walks out of the hothouse grumbling... lousy punk ust coz your higher ranked doesnt mean you get to sit on your ass all day and do all the fun with those pretty women... bah humbug, idiot....

The Eagles Nest

12-12-2004, 00:28

TEN One Point Away From Group Play

The newspaper has already posted the win over Melmond, and now but one single point will guarantee the Nest a berth in World Cup XIX.

Or a Fmjphoenix non win.

On other news *blah blah blah bla bla bl blah*

*paper is put down*

Nice work with the ref for that last game. Any chance Guido can go talk to this ref to with the match with One Red Dot?

Already been done.

Good. You also may want to talk to the refs for the Fmjphoenix games. If you get a chance.

*nods* yes sir.

Oh, and um....get a new disguise. you're in the picture in the paper talking to the ref. *shows paper*

*gulp* Yes....sir. *runs off*

So hard to get good help these days.....

Rejistania

12-12-2004, 01:03

(OOC: Sorry, I do lack inspiration)

Inside of the ASR-building:

Teke Daran: I cannot believe that the Orange-Blues won... I really expected them to lose...

Syku Kansu (vice president): You should make a different face...

TD: Well, I am ... mesit... (inbetween two states)

SK: You wanted a reason to get SyLy back?

TD: At least to get rid of Jen Y...

SK: Su? (Huh? What?)

TD: Of all possible candidates, Jen Y is the worst choice.

SK: Why?

TD: Look at his international experience...

SK: Do you mean his numerous appearances for the Orange-Blues or his time as co-coach of the national team or am I mistaking you and you talk about his time at Hades (Hades Lavamje=rejistani H1SR club)?

TD: He was highly influenced by SyLy... I don't think it's a good thing...

SK: Well, 4ja1!

TD: Indeed, Jen Y was successfull... but for some reason, I do not feel well about him... Too SyLy-ish, too Hadesi... and besides...

SK: you say?

TD: It is an irrational feeling... I fear that he will mess up, big!

SK: You want to break a promise because of a irrational fear?

TD: I know that I cannot, that's the problem!

SK: But you want to?

TD: lanja!

SK: Well, if the Orange-Blues fail to qualify, you have a chance... it's pretty close for us...

TD: Indeed! It'd be a good thing in a bad one...

----------------------------------------------
Same time, different place, we are in the employment office of KaMaRi.

Clerk: Are you Lyku'he?

SyLy: Syku Lyku KaMaRi'tes.

Clerk: The city you are from is no part of the official name...

SyLy: Well, it did not do any damage to mention it.

Clerk: Yes. Now, the reason why I asked you to come is that we have some offers, fitting your qualification profile...

SyLy: and you call me in the late evening for that?

Clerk: Of course, this afternoon was an international match...

SyLy: 4:1.

Clerk: Indeed, now check this papers, I expect you to apply for at least 4 positions here...

SyLy: (checks papers) Su?

Clerk: Do you have questions?

SyLy: I did something else in my entire career...

Clerk: Well, you cannot expect to have a job at the same level...

SyLy: Well, they require me to have finished eskola side... I never did...

Clerk: Give me again... (checks) ... ha.... I think I gave you the wrong papers... (checks in his folders)...there are too many Syku Lykus... (continues checking)... Are you SyLy?

SyLy: Yes.

Clerk: THE SyLy?

SyLy: The SyLy, yes...

Clerk: This changes things completely... Well, despite this... a few job offers fitting your qualification already arrived...

SyLy: Sarzonia, you mean?

Clerk: And ... I cannot pronounce it...

SyLy: please try!

Clerk: Li-ve-r-iv-ul In-j-la-ne-d...

SyLy: LE, you mean? I did not hear of that until now...

Clerk: Their slani coach was sacked and now Ha~e Hanjila needs someone else to take over the team...

SyLy: Slani coach?

Clerk: Oh, it was Abysmal...

SyLy: Sirx?

Clerk: Ve... I read it in the Han-ines! (rejistani edition of the KaMaRi Update)...

SyLy: Was a mistake that you called me here?

Clerk: Yes, I am very sorry...

SyLy: Well you told me about LE... I might lower the official statistics soon!

Clerk: You can be sure that I will not tell anyone what you just said...

SyLy: Because you would have to admit your mistake of messing up two Syku Lykus?

Clerk: Yea...

SyLy: Everyone makes mistakes... Do well, bye!

Clerk: Do well, too!

Adam Island

12-12-2004, 02:35

Group 7 P W D L GF-GA Pt
Eauz 10 7 1 2 24-13 22
Adam Island 11 7 0 4 18-15 21
Rejistania 10 6 1 3 27-18 19
Kylaai 10 4 3 3 19-18 15
Kylaai plays Eauz, while Adam Island has a bye. If Kylaai loses or draws, Adam Island clinches the qualifier. Otherwise, it will come down to the final day.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/spartacus_007/Adam%20Island/haakenson.gif
Star forward Adelaide Haakenson. Source: STAN

Profile: Adelaide Haakenson

Adelaide Haakenson is reknowned as one of the greatest, if not the greatest, Adam Islandian football player of all time. She grew up in Adam City, Capital, where she attended Adam City State University and now plays forward for the Adam City North football club, with keeper Paco Naccarato.

She was selected to the first ever Adam Island National Football team, and led them to a third-place victory in the Baptism of Fire and to two consecutive upsets against Rejistania, ranked #1 in the world at the time. She leads the team in international hat tricks, at two.

Age: 24
Gender: Female
Hometown: Adam City
Hobbies: Painting, surfing, video games
Favorite food: Pepperoni and llama pizza
Favorite flavor of ice cream: Lime sherbert
Religion: Iconic Island Buddhism
Favorite position: Excuse me?
Political affiliation: Libertarian
Favorite sport other than football: Baseball
Favorite football memory: Scoring her first college goal

Total n Utter Insanity

12-12-2004, 03:48

The final run in looks exciting with the top 2 playing 3rd and 4th on the final 2 matchdays. This means Nova Britannicus in 5th could easily steal a qualifying spot with two easy victories over Hisam and Pterodactyl. Seeing content is very hard to come by after 17 World Cups we decided to go with an old favourite of predict what the results will be.

Total n Utter Insanity 2 Aquiliana 1
Liverpool England 1 Wella 1
Nova Britannicus 3 Hisam 0Group 4 P W D L F A GD Pts
Total n Utter Insanity 13 9 1 3 32 24 8 28
Liverpool England 13 7 4 2 30 17 13 25
Wella 13 7 4 2 28 14 14 25
------------------------------------------------
Nova Britannicus 13 8 0 5 27 20 7 24
Aquiliana 13 7 1 5 27 20 7 22Wella 3 Total n Utter Insanity 2
Aquiliana 2 Liverpool England 2
Pterodactyl 1 Nova Britannicus 2Group 4 P W D L F A GD Pts
Total n Utter Insanity 14 9 1 4 34 27 7 28
Wella 14 8 4 2 31 16 15 28
Nova Britannicus 14 9 0 5 29 21 8 27
------------------------------------------------
Liverpool England 14 7 5 2 32 19 13 26
Aquiliana 14 7 2 5 29 22 7 23

Shonar Bangla

12-12-2004, 05:27

Eystrk-- The Shonar Bangla tigers came out today, fully prepared and pumped up, only to be told that a management glitch needed fixing, which would mean postponement. The Bangalis patiently waited alongside their Eystrk opposition, to official confirmation for embarking on this crucial game.

However, that never came, and the game is now indefinitely postponed. After many games of cards, hide-n-seek, exhibition football, races, chess, the two teams finally called it a night after receiving official confirmation that play was postponed indefinitely. Hopefully, whatever trouble there exists, will be solved, without hurting Shonar Bangla's chances of qualifying, and we can hope that there will be action tomorrow with Eystrck.

Squornshelous

12-12-2004, 06:23

Despite a total lack of RP, the Pschychoes have performed very well, kicking the crap out of nearly every team they have met.

Svecia

12-12-2004, 06:39

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

GROUP 2 GOES DOWN TO THE WIRE
Four teams hold possible spot in finals

Commerce Heights 0 Svecia 1

- Despite losing to Commerce Heights by a dismal score of 4-0 at home in the last meeting, the Lightning came to play yesterday and severely messed up the dynamics of Group 2. The 1-0 victory came about as a result of the inspired goalkeeping of Piet van Meer and the 34th minute winner from midfielder Druijf de Vlieger.

Commerce Heights held a 9-4 difference in shots on goal, but Svecia held the advantage in the most important statistic at the end of the game.

Still to come are two most important matches of qualifying, at least from Svecia´s point of view. The games against Cockbill Street and Oddslavo will determine if the Lightning continue on to the World Cup finals, which everyone in Svecia and indeed many other parts of the world, will agree should happen.

One Red Dot

12-12-2004, 09:06

Well, to keep you updated STOP
We have not played a match yet STOP
It seems there is a delay STOP
Maybe our watches are too fast STOP
Anyway, The Eagle's Nest defeated Melmond STOP
So that means ORD still remains STOP
The only undefeated team in the group STOP
Yay STOP
We are up against The Eagle's Nest next STOP
As long as Fmjphoenix doesn't win a match STOP
We are secured STOP

Liverpool England

12-12-2004, 09:26

To: Syku Lyku
From: Football Association of Liverpool England (Director of National Football)
CC: Football Association of Liverpool England (President)
Re: National Job, Liverpool England

Greetings,
It has come to my knowledge that you are out of a job. I would like to take this opportunity to offer you the position of Head Coach of the Liverpool England football team. My personal experiences with you suggest to me that you would be most suited for the managerial job. Please get back to me with a reply before the team plays Matchday 14 of its World Cup Qualifiers.

Yours,
Ha~e Hangila
Director of National Football
Football Association of Liverpool England

To: Syku Lyku
From: Football Association of Liverpool England (President)
Re: Liverpool England managerial job

SyLy,
It is my honour to offer you the job of national manager of Liverpool England. In the time we played with each other at Orean, I have gotten to see your skills as a leader. You were a marvelous captain after I retired, and I feel that you can bring that sense of leadership and unity to our national team. Should you accept, your first job will be to ensure that the team qualifies for the 19th World Cup finals. After that, your contract will run through the 21st World Cup. i hope you take your tme to consider this.

Paul Dussis

Commerce Heights

12-12-2004, 11:10

Commerce Heights Footballing Federation Merges With TechConGroup
YU–PO, NN—Decades ago, the Commerce Heights Bulldogs accidentally defeated the then-unknown Warnocks Wizards team 1‒0 in a hostile road envirnoment, accidentally scoring a goal thanks to aerodynamic disturbances from PariMedia helicopters. Last week, Svecia managed to pull off a similar stunt against the Capitalizts, taking advantage of a critical failure in TechConGroup’s helijet air flow compensators to stun Capitalizt goalkeeper Michael Anderson in the 34th minute. Commerce Heights Footballing Federation president Richard Greenberg announced that in response to this major defeat, the CHFF would take a risky approach to making up lost points, diverting bribe money for the remainder of the Cup to purchase TechConGroup, a near-monopoly in the Capitalizt aerospace industry, and rectify the flaw in the air flow compensators. Random accusations are already being thrown around by long-time critics of the CHFF’s bribery policy, including the mentally unstable CEO of the Unified Capitalizt States, Peter Thornton, who called the merger “the first step towards a multinational pizza delivery dictatorship.” The resulting company, CHFF TechConGroup, will be traded on the Commerce Heights Stock Exchange (CHSE: CHSE) starting on Monday using the current ticker symbol (CHFF).

Jeruselem

12-12-2004, 15:50

Jeruselem Government News

Stalemate for Ians and Jeruselem

Jeruselem took on Iansisle and no one came out with bragging rights. While the game lacked passion as both teams were definite qualifiers, it proved the superiority of the top 3 in Group 3 this world cup. All night each team tried to assert themselves in an armwrestle but in the end it was a deserved draw.

Crystilakere had the bye and dropped to no 3 temporarily and play Jeruselem on the last qualifying game.

Oceaice and Lethislavania played a meaningless ZUP all draw and Runaway Moose cemented 7JM's reputation as the worst team in Group 3. Rocky and Bullwinkle were not at the game if readers ask.

In other news, Coach David Becks was mobbed by female teenage Jeruselem fans after leaving his hotel. Reporters say he wasn't complaining too much.

Group 3
Iansisle 1 - 1 Jeruselem
Oceaice 0 - 0 Lethislavania
7JM 0 - 3 Runaway Moose

Group 3 P W D L GF-GA Pt
Jeruselem 11 8 2 1 30-12 26 Q
Iansisle 12 8 1 3 30-13 25 Q
Crystilakere 11 8 0 3 27-15 24 Q
Oceaice 11 5 2 4 15-22 17 E
Runaway Moose 11 3 0 8 9-24 9 E
Lethislavania 11 2 2 7 18-26 8 E
7JM 11 1 1 9 10-27 4 E

Squornshelous

12-12-2004, 17:22

Pschychoes lock up first place

2-0 win over Krytenia coupled with Starblaydia's 0-0 draw gives Squornshelous the group win with one game to play
The Squornshelous Pschychoes have played very well this world cup, currently sitting at third in qualifying behind Audioslavia and Vilita with 34 points and they lead all teams with a goal differential of 30 (41-11).

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Gerrard: 12
Raskolnikov: 10
B. Arnesson: 7
Neese: 4
Washington: 3
J. Arnesson: 2
Roberts: 2
Snell: 1

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins losses draws
MD1: Squornshelous 2 - 1 Vorpal Bunnies
MD2: Dead Rockstars 3 - 3 Squornshelous
MD3: Squornshelous 5 - 0 Lexmarak
MD4: Taokoualu 0 - 3 Squornshelous
MD5: Squornshelous 5 - 1 Starblaydia
MD6: Krytenia 1 - 2 Squornshelous
MD7: Squornshelous 3 - 1 Druida
MD8: Vorpal Bunnies 1 - 2 Squornshelous
MD9: Squornshelous 4 - 1 Dead Rockstars
MD10: Lexmarak 0 - 5 Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous 4 - 0 Taokoualu
MD12: Starblaydia 2 - 1 Squornshelous
MD13: Squornshelous 2 - 0 Krytenia
MD14: Druida vs Squornshelous

Sarzonia

12-12-2004, 17:39

Stars on verge of advancing despite loss

Sarzonia weren't expected to challenge Audioslavia away after a 1-1 draw against the Slaves, but the Stars gave the group's first place side everything it could want before falling 3-2. With The Lowland Clans defeating Lykaia, the Clans moved into a second place tie with Sarzonia and moved the Stars to a virtual clinching of the World Cup berth.

For Sarzonia to advance, a win or draw against The Lowland Clans would give the team enough standings points to overcome Lykaia. However, for Lykaia to wrest the third and final playoff spot from the Stars, Sarzonia would have to lose and they would have to win in a combination that makes up a goal differential of 11.

"We wanted to end matters right here," Coach Dave Wilson said. "So we're disappointed that we weren't able to do that. But having said that, we're close to qualifying for the World Cup, so we're happy about that. But as usual, it all comes down to the last game."

Sarzonia (8-1-4, 25 points) jumped out on top of Audioslavia (11-0-2, 35 points) with quick goals from forward Brian Wilson and midfielder Darwin Russell and continued to apply pressure throughout the first half in an attempt to clinch the spot outright, but the Slaves weathered the pressure.

Audioslavia scored three goals in the final 15 minutes of the second half to overcome the Stars and leave them stunned as they walked off the field.

"We had our chance to make a statement but we blew it," Brian Wilson said. "Now we've got to do it against The Lowland Clans at Hendrix [Stadium in Woodstock]. With the brief civil war over, the match is already sold out.

Druida

12-12-2004, 17:58

The Tribune Tribune
Serving Druid Tribune and the surrounding area

TRAGIC AIR CRASH OVER BEKK, 43 DEAD
By Trefor Milford

There was a tradgedy unfolding on the Bekk Lake just off Druid Tribune last night, as a plane exploded and landed in the water, killing all who were on board.

It is not completely known who was on the plane, though it was one owned by the Druidan government. The search for the black box recorder of the plane is under way in order to see why exactly the plane crashed, as well as unravelling a lot of other secrets about the plane, such as who exactly was on board and where it was heading.

The sad news spread rapidly across the area. The Druidan football team, who had earlier flown through the same skies on their way to another nation by the side of the Bekk Lake, Starblaydia, didn't look up for their game very much, though it also seemed to have a similar effect on their opponents, with the two nations being in such close proximity to each other. Their game, a 0-0 draw, means that Krytenia have to make up a goal difference of 7 betwee nthemselves and the rainbows to dislodge them from their qualifying berth.

But, for a change, football is not what is on the mind of most Druidans right now. Instead, Druida is a nation in mourning after the shocking sights of the plane just minutes into a flight from the Druid Tribune Historical Aerodrome. Our thoughts are with the friends and relatives of those sadly departed.

Big Pimento

12-12-2004, 18:03

Win and You’re In – Big Pimento Enters the House of Bangla

The sense of nerves, excitement and anxiety were palpable inside the visitor’s locker room of Shonar Bangla’s stadium. After thirteen difficult matchdays, the Futility Kings sat one win away from their ultimate prize, a golden ticket to the World Cup of football.

This qualification campaign proved a lot. Firstly, Big Pimento were no longer the Futility Kings. Well, everyone still called them that, but they didn’t mean it anymore. Big Pimento was now become a formidable side which other teams took notice when they’d have to come to town. They’d clawed their way into being one match away from the World Cup finals, a once distant goal which now loomed within their grasp.

Now as they pulled up their shin pads and laced up their cleats, memories of the qualification campaign rushed back through their heads. The opening 1-1 draw at Fillmore Stadium in Bedistan which no one saw coming and was a precursor to the success they were about to enjoy. Two victories against Raptor Claw, quality opponents ahead in the international rankings of the Pimentos at the time. Their tumultuous 3-1 victory over Snub Nose 38’s cardboard replacement players as the nation’s future in the World Cup hung in the balance. A solid 1-1 draw to impede the progress of the runaway train that was Lovisa. Heartbreak as the Kings were heavily favoured and suffered two crushing losses to the lowly Eystrck. Last month’s hammering of Hammerund to keep them alive in their quest for the cup. These were sweet memories.

But losers don’t get remembered, and unless Big Pimento could defeat Shonar Bangla tonight, their strong run would be forgotten. Shonar Bangla was hungry. They were putting on their jerseys at the same time and remembering the 7-1 thrashing they received at the hands of Big Pimento in Bong Jong-Il’s coming out party. The Futility Kings could have pulled their foot off the gas after four or five goals, but they kept on them and absolutely thrashed the Shonar Banglans. The home team definitely remembered that. The prospect of redemption in front of 397,000 raucous fans danced in their heads; they too, focused and hell-bent upon qualifying.

Tonight’s match would be a clash of two improbable squads, neither holding much in the way of the expectations, but both sides on the doorstep of World Cup qualification. It was a classic winner take-all, though in case of a draw, Shonar Bangla would get the upper hand. The lights dim in the stadium and both sides form a file in the tunnel. They start to march forward towards the pitch, side by side, with destiny and that same goal ahead of them. Who would be remembered?

Nova Britannicus

12-12-2004, 18:23

We can do it! It's all up to us! Mmmkay?

We all knew the outcome. If Nova Britannicus hadn't won against Hisam, they had practically zero chance of qualification for the 19th World Cup. So at 2-2 with just five minutes to go, Jean-Paul Georges-Ringeaux was looking a little despondant. Having not taken Starblaydia to the World Cup Finals in two attempts, it was looking like a second attempt with Nova Britannicus would be equally as fruitless. With his former charge Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu having already assured Starblaydia of their third Finals appearance in a row from just three attempts, J-P decided to throw on Royal Seaford and to hell with it.

Top scorer at Tabeck FC and the entirety of last season's Gamma Division, 22 year-old Seaford is a pretty decent striker. It gets more decent when you see he's scored four goals so far in this campaign, despite being a player starting on the bench. So when, with about 30 seconds to go, he throws himself into the path of a Dean Caliban corss and turns the ball into the net, you tend to describe him as a bit of a super-sub. Or you do in all the post-match interviews, at least.

Five goals now for young Seaford, he's becoming quite the talk of the City-States. Now, down to the real business. Having chalked up Eight wins (joint-second-highest number of wins in the group, a new national record for qualifiers and just a single win behind Starblaydia, by the way) the Navy-Blues sit fourth in Group Four, on goal difference, with just a single game to go for all teams concerned.

The Group Table, as everyone in Nova Britannicus must have momorised by now, is as follows:

Group 4 P W D L GF-GA Pt
Total n Utter Insanity 13 9 1 3 32-24 28 Q
Wella 13 8 3 2 31-13 27
Liverpool England 13 7 3 3 29-20 24
Nova Britannicus 13 8 0 5 27-22 24
Aquiliana 13 7 1 5 27-20 22
Anglevia 13 3 2 8 20-29 11 E
Pterodactyl 13 2 3 8 14-27 9 E
Hisam 13 1 1 11 13-38 4 E

Now, the assessment. Though the Insanician press have already predicited Nova Britannicus to qualify, here's a breakdown of the Final Matches, the ones that matter:

Wella Vs Total n Utter Insanity
Not possible for Nova Britannicus to overtake either team, barring at least a 24-goal winning margin by the Navy-Blues. The Insanicians are already Qualified, and Wella need only a draw. Even a heavy loss can still see them through.

Pterodactyl Vs Nova Britannicus
A must-win for the Navy-Blues, anything less and we are out. Simple as that. The higest we can be is third, and the lowest they can finish is fifth.

Aquiliana Vs Liverpool England
This is the real clincher for us. A Liverpool England Win sees the Philosophers through, most likely on goal difference. A draw or Aquilianan Win in this game, coupled with a Britannican win, sees the Navy Blues through.

So. Is it possible? Of course it is. Any nation in just their second ever World Cup can qualify for the finals. If you've made a new record for number of wins, goals scored, position in the table, along with a four-game winning streak and wins over some of the better teams in the world, of course it's possible!

Just a Britannican win over Pterodactyl and a Liverpool England Not-Win against Aquiliana will mean that the Navy-Blues will join the White-and-Purples of Starblaydia in The Belmore Family and Turori.

Eauz

12-12-2004, 19:12

Le LIBRE

*Listening in on an Eauz Sports Radio station

…and to finish off the sports ticker report, Eauz’s cricket team travelled to Cockbill Street but lost and will not be qualifying for the World Cup of Cricket, being hosted in Cockbill Street. That is all the scores now, check back in 30 minutes…

(Return to sports show)

Welcome back folks and we were talking about Eauz football and the qualifying round of the cup. If you got anything you want to say, call us up at 1- 555-233-1100. As for last night, my, was it an easy victory for Les Bleus, and it almost seemed as if it was a repeat of match day 6. Alia as on fire yesterday, as he scored 2 of the three goals. Anyways, lets get to the phones. Hello Caller…?

Caller1: Yeh, hey how’s it going Marxy?

Marxy: Oh I’m doing well, so what you got to say?

Caller1: Yeh, I watched that match last night, boy Les Bleus really made me forget about the 4 – 1 loss to Rejistania. The only thing I can’t believe, is how harsh the referees have been against Les Bleus. Is someone paying them off to piss of Eauz?

Marxy: Hehehe, it seems to be, as that doesn’t it. Oh well, they did qualify, and winning 3 – 0, despite stupid calls by referees, Les Bleus are still top of their group with 25 points. On top of all that, referees are always corrupt, especially when a team is willing to give up a few 2 Million TIY to the referee. All right caller, thanks for your question. Next caller please?

Caller2: Hey, what’s up? I can’t believe Eauz is actually going to qualify for the cup. In the past they were good, but lately, they have turned weak. I was turned on by them up to match day 6, when they went 6 – 0 – 0, but to see them tie against Esth and lose against Adam Island, it was just embarrassing.

Marxy: Come on Caller, you gotta give Eauz some credit. They won 6 in a row, and then had some injuries, and problems. Three of their top players were gone, and they were not back to top form until match day 12. I really think Eauz can win this cup, especially the way they have been playing. Look at their record. Who did they lose to? Rejistania, which is a reasonable loss, and the surprise team Adam Island. This isn’t too bad, especially since Rejistania lost both times to Adam Island. Unless you are Vilita, who seems to be controlling the scorinator probably through bribes, Eauz isn’t going to go 12 – 0 – 0. Anyways, thanks caller… Anyways, lets take a short break, be back soon.

Preview of Match Day 14

As match day 5 arrives, Group 7 is all figured out, as Eauz, Rejistania and surprise team Adam Island have qualified for the cup.

Group 7 P W D L GF-GA Pt
Eauz 11 8 1 2 27-13 25 Q
Rejistania 11 7 1 3 30-20 22 Q
Adam Island 11 7 0 4 18-15 21 Q

Currently, Eauz is first place with 25 points, then Rejistania with 22 and finally Adam Island with 21. All three teams will be playing on MD14(12), and there could be a shake up when all things are said and done. An Eauz victory would secure themselves 1st place, no matter the result of the others, giving Eauz 28 points. An Eauz loss could be detrimental to their first place positioning. Though, there is a very low chance of Eauz losing the first place standing, as Rejis would have to win, and get at least 4 goals to take the lead. Things get complicated from there.

Nonetheless, if Eauz wins or ties, they will not have to deal with complications, as they would have already secured first place. Eauz would love though to take first place, so as to stick it to Rejistania and their fans and prevent them from claiming the #1 spot.

Schedule

*Matches in Gray will not count or be played

Match Day 1: Adam Island @ Eauz W 1 - 3
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Hiiraan W 4 - 0
Match Day 3: Villapange @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match Day 4: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire W 1 - 0
Match Day 5: Eauz @ Rejistania W 3 - 2
Match Day 6: Kylaai @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 7: Eauz @ Esth T 2 - 2

Match Day 8: Eauz @ Adam Island L 1 - 2
Match Day 9: Hiiraan @ Eauz W 1 - 4
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Villapange
Match Day 11: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Match Day 12: Rejistania @ Eauz L 4 - 1
Match Day 13: Eauz @ Kylaai W 3 - 0
Match Day 14: Esth @ Eauz

Group 7 P W D L GF-GA Pt
Eauz 11 8 1 2 27-13 25 Q
Rejistania 11 7 1 3 30-20 22 Q
Adam Island 11 7 0 4 18-15 21 Q
Kylaai 11 4 3 4 19-21 15 E
The Evil Umpire 12 4 0 8 19-19 12 E
Esth 11 3 3 5 17-19 12 E
Hiiraan 11 1 2 8 10-33 5 E

Other News

A Young girl in her early 20’s has been found alive, but stunned outside of Le Stade d’Eauz. Apparently, from her reports, a man around the age of 22 raped her and sexually abused her before the match that evening, and then tied her up and taped her mouth shut. She said the man had told her: “c'mon, baby, only a dirty CaptialiZt would keep that body to herself..." As he left, he winked at her and drove ran away. Police are searching for a man who has chubby cheeks and a messy blond hair. She said, “He definitely looks like an Evil CapitaliZt, quite possibly someone from the England Area."

The Eagles Nest

12-12-2004, 19:19

Strike Birds Qualification Out Of Their Hands

Entire Country Glued to Fmjphoenix's Game Today

After a dismal 2-1 loss against One Red Dot, the Birds must now watch to see how Fmjphoenix does today. A loss or tie for Fmjpheonix puts the Birds through. a win, and we go to tie break.

Luckily, the Nest has a +7 while Fmjphoenix has a +1. as long as they don't score more than 7 goals, the Nest will be through in what has turned out to be one of the worst qualification runs in a long time for the Strike Birds.

Will the Birds 'back door' into Group play? Stay tuned!

Bedistan

12-12-2004, 19:40

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Starters to Rest in Raptor Claw
Lions prepare for World Cup

HENDERSONBURG BEACH -- The Bedistan Lions got a well-deserved break today as they were not scheduled to play a match due to Snub Nose 38 leaving the competition. Last month's 2-0 win over Lovisa was enough to secure qualification and all but secure second place for the navy and green. We asked new manager Mike Davidson what his plans were for the one remaining qualification match, to be played away in Raptor Claw.

"It's a prime opportunity to get some of our newer players out there," he told us. "The big boys can get some rest, store up some energy for the first round. But the second team, the folks who will be starting to play more next cup, can get some international experience here, get a taste of what it's really like. Since we're already qualified, it won't hurt us too badly if we fail to win the match, but considering that Raptor Claw have been just a shadow of their former selves this Cup, I don't think a loss is likely."

Indeed, there is only one remaining game of any importance in Group Nine -- the long-awaited Shonar Bangla v Big Pimento. It's very simple: winner goes to the World Cup, loser goes home to wait four years for their next chance. In the event of a draw, those plucky Banglans go through due to being two points ahead of Big Pimento.

"Oh, that's gonna be one hell of a match," commented Davidson. "Both Shonar Bangla and Big Pimento have proven that they can rise to the occasion and draw or defeat teams many times as good as they are, plus Bangla have something to prove after that surely-embarrassing seven-one shellacking last time. It's not gonna be over till the final whistle, I guarantee it."

When asked to offer a prediction, Davidson thought long and hard. "I think Big Pimento will win it, but only just. 2-1 is what I say, with the final goal coming in the last ten minutes of the match." BSTV Sports Tonight commentators Mike Michaels and Ken Jenkins offered differing opinions, the former opting for a 1-1 draw and the latter saying Shonar Bangla would come out three goals ahead with a shutout. "It's kinda foolish to make a prediction here," Jenkins stated, "because when you put these two teams together, anything can happen. Absolutely anything."

Adam Island

12-12-2004, 19:50

Adam Island Qualifies!!!

ADAM CITY- Its hard to believe, but it has happened- the Adam Island National Football Team has officially qualified for World Cup XIX!

Thanks to a loss by Kylaai, AI is now statistically guaranteed a spot somewhere in the World Cup tournament. And with only 1 point behind Rejistania and their next match against Hiiraan, Adam Island has a very good shot at getting second place in Group 7, ahead of the defending champions whom they have beat twice already. (Parliament is musing a law requiring that fact to be mentioned in every discussion of Adam Island football)

Because of their guaranteed win, you might think that manager Deidra Gowin would give some of the starters a match off.

"They got a freakin' bye yesterday, what more do they want?" shouted Gowin at reporters who brought the subject up, "If they win the World Cup I'll give them a day off to visit Adamland [amusement park] but until then, they can work their little tails off!" She then grabbed a newsman's camera and smashed it against the wall.

Gowin is known for her unexplainable mood swings. Yesterday she seemed to have no problem with letting the players sleep the entire day while she stayed in her apartment watching Wagnerian operas and eating llama-flavored ice cream. The reporters didn't much feel like bringing that up.

Despite her unusual personality, she has brought the Adam Island team to seemingly impossible heights. The unproven team all but dominated the Baptism of Fire, losing only one game and earning third place. They then entered the toughest group in the World Cup qualifiers, and upset Rejistania twice and Eauz once, making it to the top 3 of the group somehow. They were undefeated at home until their loss to The Evil Umpire on Gameday 12.

Her domestic club, Adarob, hasn't done so hot, but the even parity in the AIFA makes it impossible for any team to get a concrete advantage over the others, even in inter-division play. Although Adam Island has shown it has better players than most of the other nations in the world, both of their teams, Adam County and San Adam, were knocked out of the Champions League in the first round.

Although tomorrow's match against Hiiraan should be a fairly simple challenge for the Adam Islanders- Hiiraan has the worst record in the group and have lost to Adam Island twice already- they have to be careful and not let their guard down. The thrill of qualifying and the general deflation that comes from playing a meaningless came can sneak up on you.

Fmjphoenix

12-12-2004, 21:08

Alan: Hey there folkes, this is Alan Newhouse with Rogere Cede here live with the Fmjphoenix Vikings vs Lennon Marx. This looks like to be a fun match.

Roger: Thats right Alan. The Vikings have a lot at stake here today. In order to keep their small hope alive for qualification, they need to win here today and hope for The Eagles Nest to lose against One Red Dot.

Alan: So true. The Vikings cannot control The Eagles Nest, all they can control is their own match, which is getting ready to start in about 5 minutes.

Roger: Lets go down to Mike Gordon on the side with Coach Wash. Mike?

Mike: Hey guys, I am here with Coach Wash from the Vikings. So how are you feeling about you chances today Coach?

Wash: Pretty good. I feel we had some good practices in preperation for the match. Everyone is heathly and have a great mideset right now. I feel that the boys are prepared to fight to the end to make it in the second round.

Mike: Thats great news for eveyone in the stands and all the people at home in the Kingdom of Fmjphoenix to hear. Who do you think is going to be the most important person to watch here this game?

Wash: Powell Lamar, no thining about it. He is the one person that can make the match for us. As long as his head is in the match and he is focused, Jorge and Mike will get some goals in for him.

Mike: Well Coach, good luck with todays game and hoping for a favorable outcome. Alan, Roger, back to you.

Alan: Thanks for the insight from the coach Mike. Well, the match is about to start so lets get ready for some football!

*few minutes run by, no major plays happen yet*

Alan: So far its been pretty slow to go, the Vikings have not struck hard yet and Lennon Marx is putting up a valiant defense. Right now, Lennon Marx #8 is running upfield, oh he gets by Bobby Bash, he shoots! Oh its on mark but Lamar catches it with ease.

Roger; GOOAA... I mean what a great stop by Lamar.. *smiles sheepishly*

Alan: Just who's side are you rooting for?

Roger: Ummm... Errr, Lamar passes up to Tra Miranda, he is dribbling up, there's a Lennon Marx midfielder, oh Miranda passes to Marty Slocker, he passes to Carlos Santos. He is heading upfield, passes to an open Karim Ackbar, he shoots... shit.... OH what a great stop by the Lennon Marx Goalkeeper.

Alan: Hang on a second here, just which side are you on Roger. Why does it seem that you are going against your nations team???

Roger: What do you mean of course I am rooting for the Vikings to win, anything else would be preposterous... OH COME ON YOU HAVE TO SHOOT BETTER THAN THAT TO SCORE!!!!!!!! *looks shocked and shuts up*

Alan: Now what the hell are you doing. That was #8 on Lennon Marx what the hell are you talking about??? Why did you say that??

Roger: Errrr... ummmm, well I am a reporter. And I am just stating that he has to shoot better than that to score... yea.

Alan: Well, why did you shout it so loudly like you want to help him??? hmmm?

Roger: No reason, nothing at all.

Alan: Thats it come here.. $@&^^^$@#&*$@*lots of commotion going grunts, hitting* AH HA!!!!! I KNEW IT!! You bet against the Vikings in the match. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!

Roger: The odds are just to good not to bet on look how much I get if they lose. *shows alan large sum*

Alan: SELLOUT!!!!! *dials number* Yes, we have a sellout here, I need someone to take care of it. beep......* There that will take care of the problem.

Roger: What did you do? Alan... Whoi did you can, what is happeneing.

*to big burly men in balck suits come and 'say' a few words to to Roger while dragging him away. muffled screaming*

Alan: Sorry about that golks, well, the whole first half is already over with. Neither team managed to score anything against each other, keeping it 0-0. Well, when the next half starts up, Roger will not be with us, he has been taken in for some... 'teaching' if ya catch the drift. Stay tuned for the second half.

Alan: Well I am back now with Mike up here to help bring you the second half of the Fmjphoenix / Lennon Marx match. So far, its been a real quiet match with neither team doing anything except running up and down the field.

Mike: Yup. The Vikings need to put more pressure on and strike if they want to win this match:

Alan: Couldn't have said it any better myself. Anyways, the match has already started and the Vikings are heading upfield towards Lennon Marx. Quinten Bell has the ball, he is past midfield, pass to Karim Ackbar, he is about 30 feet from the goal, rears back, passes to Jorge Mendel.

Mike: Mendel is running up, 15 feet from the goal. He shoots!!!! Oh deflected, right to the feet of Carlos Santos, he shoots, high, over the net. Well, at least Fmjphoenix is coming out firing fast this time.

Alan: True indeed. OH, stolen by Nolan, he is running up field, he shoots.. HE SCORES!!!!!! GOAAAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whats that time clock say?

Mike: 68 minutes 32 seconds. Vikings take the lead 1-0.

Alan: Good show lad, good show. Now the Vikings finally have a lead and are in a good position to win it. Well, how does it look over at the One Red Dot / The Eagles Nest match Mike?

Mike: Well, they have about 10 minutes remaining and the score is tied at 1 a piece. As we all know, we don't want a draw, a draw would ruin our run right now and make this match not even worth it. Hopefully one of the two will lose, preferably The Eagles Nest because then we would not have to hope for One Red Dot to lose twice to have a chance.

Alan: Yes, and with only 10 minutes left here, the Vikings are on their way to another win. Powel Lamar with another amazing stop. He has stopped 13 out of 13 shots on taget so far. Quite good day for him. Tosses to Bash, Bash passes to Slocker. Slockers runs into a Lennon Marx midfielder, oh he passes it out to Nolan again, oh he is going up, he shoots!!! No passes to Ackbar, HE shoots!!!! GOAL!!!!! Whats that time again???

Mike: 83 minutes and 02 secons. Vikings take 2-0 lead with under 7 minutes remainging. Well, now they must just play defense and hold off the Lennon Marx team. Oh its such a great match, I have to go to the bathroom. *runs off of the set*

Alan: Well, anyway, the match is still going. Only 2 minutes before second time stoppage. Another stop by Lamar, he is on fire today.

Mike: Ahhh, thats how you spell relief! Anyway, whats happened. Oh its over!!! VIKINGS WIN!!!!!!!! Lets see, ORD/TEN match is over. ORD won 2-1!!! That means now the Vikings have a better chance of making it in. Sweet!

Alan: Well there you have it folks, Vikings win 2-0, Ord defeats TEN 2-1. The standings look a little something like this on your screen here:

Group 5 Standings
Group 5 P W D L GF-GA Pt
Melmond 11 7 3 1 25-6 24 Q
One Red Dot 11 6 5 0 16-7 23 Q
The Eagle's Nest 12 6 2 4 21-14 20
Fmjphoenix 11 5 2 4 16-15 17
Phazania 11 4 3 4 13-16 15 E
Kipto-Mare 11 1 2 8 4-19 5 E
Lennon Marx 11 0 3 8 3-21 3 E

Alan: Well I have been Alan Newhouse with Mike Gordon saying have a good day and GO VIKINGS!!!!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today on Fmjphoenix Sports Network, we have a recount of the Vikings/Lennon Marx match. Simply goes like this. Nolan at 68, Ackbar at 83. Vikings over Lennon Marx 2-0. And to go with it, The Eagles Nest lost a close match with One Red Dot 2-1 which means the Vikings still have a chance of qualification. In order to make it, first and formost, Fmjphoenx has to defeat Phanazia. That is of the utmost importance. Secondly, they need to win by alot. That one will be harder, but they need to at least win by 6-0 to tie The Eagles Nest with Goal Diferencial, and it should but Fmjphoenix ahead because they would have scored 22 goals to The Eagles Nest's 21. It is a long shot, but it can happen. Hopefully, all will go well for the Vikings. To score 6 goals in one match would beat the team record of winning 4-0, which is their previous high that they handed to Kipto-Mare earlier in qualification. Look for the Vikings to come out with all they have in order to try and qualify for the first time in their history.

Vikings Qualification Record
win-draw-lose
--------------------------
MD 1: vs The Eagles Nest Draw 2-2
MD 2: BYE
MD 3: vs One Red Dot Lose 1-2
MD 4: vs Melmond Lose 0-6
MD 5: vs Kipto-Mare Win 4-0
MD 6: vs Lennon Marx Win 2-0
MD 7: vs Phanazia Lose 2-3
--------------------------
MD 8: vs The Eagles Nest Win 1-0
MD 9: BYE
MD10: vs One Red Dot Draw 0-0
MD11: vs Melmond Lose 0-2
MD12: vs Kipto-Mare Win 2-0
MD13: vs Lennon Marx Win 2-0
MD14: vs Phanazia
Record: 5-2-4

Melmond

12-12-2004, 22:19

Makinshakes Presents...
The Ketchup Times
Now you can eat your fries and read the latest news around Melmond!

A Pushover Pushedover
Despite losing best player and captain Jake Cormier due to injury and hot striker Gene MacDougall due to a red card suspension, the Fearless Farmers had absolutely no problem dealing with a side which seems dedicated to mediocrity in Kipto-Mare. The match against Kipto-Mare didn't really seem like we were in Kipto-Mare, as a sizable contingent of the Fearless Farmer faithful made the trip to see their side in action and there aren't many footballing fanatics in Kipto-Mare to begin with. For most of the first half, the Melmond National Team appeared to need time to adjust to an attack without the centerpiece Cormier or the stud striker MacDougall. The Kipto-Mare defence was paying extra attention to Melmond's other striker, Tim Remans, who is certainly far from being a slouch himself. Eventually, the Fearless Farmers got things rolling as Melmond striker Jamie Prior, coming off the bench to start in place of the suspended Gene MacDougall, tenaciously chased after a corner kick deflected off the hip of a Kipto-Mare player and beat everyone else to the ball and struck it in the net for her first goal of the World Cup 19 campaign. Melmond would take that 1-nil lead into first half and shortly after the second half would make it 2-nil as midfielder Peeko Noodleschlausen makes a rather distant kick and puts it skillfully past the outstretched Kipto-Mare keeper to make it 2-nil. The match could have been more lopsided, but Manager David Bixler decided to put in some of the younger talent in for substitution to give them some experience. Defenders Maxwell Wong, Laola Saenu, and midfielder Martin Goodwin Jr. got some much needed experience and played rather well in making life for Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm very easy. Melmond takes the 2-nil lead over Kipto-Mare and maintains their lead in Group 5.

Lennon Marx? No equality in this match!
Despite being heavy favorites in the match against Lennon Marx, Melmond wasn't going to let up one iota. They feel that they embarrassed themselves in the last match against Lennon Marx, not able to score one goal against a less than fancied side. However, now Melmond clearly has the momentum on their side. Melmond still hasn't lost a match yet and is now on top of Group 5. Captain and Melmond's star player midfielder Jake Cormier has returned from injury to coordinate this side. And to add to all the pressure Lennon Marx must feel, they are playing in front of a packed Feliz-Unne Stadium, quite possibly one of the most initmidating stadiums to play in if you are the visiting side due to the seats proximity near the pitch. Right from the beginning of the match, the Green Leopards of Lennon Marx seemed to melt under the intense atmosphere and humidity of Unne. At the 9th minute, Melmond midfielder Jake Cormier let the entire footballing world know that he returned with a clever pass which was finished by Melmond striker Tim Remans to put the Fearless Farmers up 1-nil. Ten minutes later it became 2-nil as Tim Remans decided it was better to give and receive, passing the ball back to midfielder Pauline Hulme to catch the Lennon Marx defence off-guard. Hulme puts the ball away for her first goal ever in international competition. Around the 35th minute, the skies in Unne started to blacken rather quickly, and what was just a gentle mist became a near, tropical downpour. The fans started cheering the inclement weather as if it shown that mother nature was on their side. The first half ended with Melmond being a much cleaner side 2-nil. The stars in the second half were clearly Melmond's aggressive defence and midfield, which just grinded Lennon Marx into the mud while making great tackles and getting good position to thwart any feeble ideas of an attack Lennon Marx had. However, the Melmond attack wasn't finished as Melmond striker Tim Remans took advantage of the fact that the Lennon Marx goalkeeper couldn't handle the wet ball and kicked it right past the net as he trudged through the mud. It may have made the match an insurmountable 3-nil, but Remans' effort certainly warranted the celebration it got. Melmond gets the decisive 3-nil victory and keeps the Fearless Farmers train rolling toward Turori-The Belmore Family!

Fearless Farmers Regain Footing to beat Phazania
After a convincing 3-nil victory of Lennon Marx, the Fearless Farmers were ready to avenge what they deemed to be another embarassment, a 1-1 tie to lowly Phazania in Melmond. Now they are heading to Phazania, and the Phazanians seemed to be much better than anyone would have expected, finishing ahead of a much more highly touted side in Fmjphoenix after the first half of qualifying. One thing that really took center stage in this match was the stage itself, the ramshackle national stadium in Phazania. Phazania, making its first foray into international sports with their entry into World Cup 19 qualifying, never really paid attention to its national stadium to now, and their below average economy couldn't help pay for renovations. The rough field did supply a home pitch advantage for the Phazanians in a way as the Fearless Farmers had a hard time getting traction on this pitch. The Phazanians took advantage of this as a couple Melmond defenders stumbled over the bumpy pitch and Phazanian striker Mario Anaus was able to get a ball past Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm to make the score 1-nil in favor of Phazania, a lead they took into half time. However, it wasn't a big pep talk by Manager David Bixler which put the Fearless Farmers back in their element, but the hard and ingenious work of Melmond National Team equipment manager Spike Beagel who adjusted the cleats of all the Fearless Farmers to adjust to the bumpy surface. The new cleats breathed life back into the Fearless Farmers as it took little time to adjust to the new shoes. Melmond striker Gene MacDougall announced his triumphant return from a red card suspension by sprinting past the Phazania defence effortlessly and making a brilliant strike in which the Phazania goalkeeper had no chance to stop to knot the match at one. Melmond would take the lead for good when one of Melmond's defenders, Charles Unne, made a rare offensive play on a corner kick by taking a pass from midfielder Alfred Smith and putting it in the back of the net, giving Melmond a 2-1 lead in which it will keep. Melmond gets their 2-1 victory, and although it is not the resounding victory the Fearless Farmers hoped for, it sewed up what was expected of this side while playing the three pushovers, 9 points.

Rejistania

13-12-2004, 00:04

The Estadije Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati was completely sold out for this match against Esth. The Orange-Blues needed the win to secure qualification, a loss would have hurted national pride extremely. Pictures of the Orange-Blues of World Cup 9 and World Cup 10 playing in some stadia in Warnocks Wizards or Tranquilitis suddently found their way into national newspapers under headlines like 'yet again?' or 'Losers cup, the third?'. Despite a new coach and a 4:1 win against the eauzian communists, the small flame of optimism was nearly extinguished by the winds of pessimism, especially when Esth went ahead 0:1, but also the 0:2 was not exactly good to stir up optimism. After the second half, worse things seemed to emerge but Jen Y used up all three substitutions to replace the backbones of the team: Esri Rija-Jesa left for Syly Kansu, Xkeliko Iti~n went in for Tuade Lue and Kvansa Laijiyiaya challenged the stadium speaker when he was replaced by Miy Se. especially this last substitution was emabarrasing because Miy Se was nominated for the team for the first time. This seemed to work. the team played mujch better and "Sa" eventually was able to lower the trailiing and even equalize the score. When in the last minute of regular time, Ji Y was able to score the 3:2, the fans in entire Rejistania started cheering and celebrating (even though Esth nearly equalized in injury time). After the match was finished, the display showed "LA'KANVALI" (rejistani for 'qualified') in big letters. and celebratrions in all parts of the island started.

Hiiraan

13-12-2004, 00:39

A Draw and a WIn, Confidence Boosts In Hiiraan,
Hiiraan goes Against Goes Blow to Blow with the Islanders.

The Hiiraanian has beaten their main opponent today and seek to win tomorrow, Hiiraan ahs some damaging and stupid comments from the Adams Team, one of them was we are going to be nothing for them, well, guess again because once the sattalite was fixed everything came back to Normal, and yeah we agree that you have won before but not anymore sir.

Hiiraan teams have lifted, ran, workout, did Pushups and everything posiple to prepare themselves for this game, Hiiraa has no choice but win this game, We are eliminated But we seek not to go to the WC but to at least get out of the ditching last place spot, We do not wish to be the last team anymore, we at least want to get to the 7th place, if the opportunuity comes in the form of beating the young playboys, then let it come but we will sure take it with no hesitation.

Hiiraan has also made a rush by bidding for the 11th installment of the Cup of harmony, the cup will be held in either Legal:leth or either Hiiraan;CSm But surely hope itsa latter because we are both prepared for the cup and ready to do our job as host once elected to Host, this in No way means the other 2 are unprepared.

Hiiraan and cockbill streets have already presented their stadiums and all of their stuff to the hosting comitte, we wait for the votes now but the hiiraanians nor the world have not seen the BID of the other two, we hope they can do this in time to save themselves from not being choosen.

Hiiraan next thing would be to Bid for the an installment of the BoF, which we wish to be the next one after the coming one, this will Seriously Boost our confidence level as people and as a Nation to do Hosting JOB, may be someday we shall win the hosting JOB of being the next WC hosts.

Hiiraan is the last in the tables, a place we dread, and hope to leave soon, but dont expect us to charm to the adams, we shall beat them like the dogsd they are, they are nothing more than a one time GIG, which had the luck of over Generated things. <--- last paragraph was added due to the lack of anything to write. <--- the last sentence and this one are also to fill up space.

Melmond

13-12-2004, 02:57

Makinshakes Presents...
The Ketchup Times
Now you can eat your fries and read the latest news around Melmond!

Fmjphoenix Still Ash Against Melmond
Anyone in the stadium in all honesty would admit that the 6-nil drubbing that the Fearless Farmers put on the side from Fmjphoenix wasn't going to happen again. Fmjphoenix has regained their act and is doing well as of late, so no one expected a meltdown from this side. They may be starcrossed against the Fearless Farmers however as although the score was much closer, Fmjphoenix couldn't catch a break while Melmond just burn baby burned. Melmond dominated the possession for the majority of the first half, which culminated into a nice cross coming from Melmond midfielder Pauline Hulme to striker Tim Remans at the 37th minute to make the score 1-nil in front of a sell-out crowd at Frankndottir Stadium in majestic Acosta. In the Fmjphoenix media, Remans #32 was misread as #3. Perhaps they should get a reporter with better eyes as they also reported the second goal being scored by #12, however there is no #12 on this side. They misread the #42 of Melmond striker Gene MacDougall as #12. Anyway he scored at the second half after Melmond midfielder Jake Cormier found MacDougall streaking past an Fmjphoenix defender and MacDougall kicked the ball out of the Fmjphoenix goalkeeper's reach. The Vikings of Fmjphoenix tried very hard to generate some offence by making some halftime adjustments, but the amazing play of Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm kept Fmjphoenix from getting anything. At age 39 and said to be past his prime, instead Xtfuinxm seems to get better with age as he is yet to give up more than one goal in a match for the entire qualifying session. Most importantly of all, Melmond has qualified for their third World Cup in a row and third total as well. Let us hope the Fearless Farmers can best their World Cup 17 counterpart. Watch out Turori and The Belmore Family!

Loss Statistically Inconsequential, but Sentimentally Disappointing
The meeting at Silver Flame Stadium in The Eagles Nest was quite possibly the least satisfying rout of one team over another of a similar or better caliber. The Fearless Farmers felt that they could have beaten The Eagles Nest 5-1 without a flatulent blast from Horace causing a deep crater in the pitch, but Melmond got the 5-1 victory via a walkover. The rematch was a much anticipated one in a soldout Melmond Bowl in Melmond City in a very cold day with subzero temperatures and a blustery wind. It was so cold that even if Horace didn't take extra strength Beano to not violate Melmond's environmental laws, a flatulent blast of his would have been iced solid. Horace knows better since his arrest while mascot with BSE Free Bovines and playing most of his club career with Acosta Browns in Melmond. To the chagrin of The Eagles Nest FA, the Fearless Farmers brought out their regular starters despite qualifying already to prove that they can beat the Strike Birds fair and square. However, with their feathers against the wall, The Eagles Nest reminded the Fearless Farmers why they are in fact the number 3 team in the world. The first half was an even affair, with both teams trying to play a fast paced match in order to stay warm. This pace favored The Eagles Nest much more than it did Melmond. The physical Fearless Farmers were playing their style of football, however the referee Motaak Otieno of Vilita made some really cushy calls in which hard but clean tackles made by defenders Stillint Hecloset and Veronica Dean were met with yellow cards and shrill whistles of disapproval from the crowd. Dean got her second yellow card of the qualifying which means she will miss the last match against One Red Dot. Despite the strong play of the Strike Birds offence, Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm kept the ball out of the net and the first half ended scoreless. Both sides came out of the second half with the same gameplan, but radically different results. The Strike Birds strike first as their midfielder Horace, who knows the Melmond players' tendencies rather well, took advantage of his knowledge and got through the Melmond defence and scored the first goal of the match putting The Eagles Nest up 1-nil. However about fifteen minutes later, Melmond striker Tim Remans puts up the equaliser with a breathtaking bicycle kick. As injury time approached, it appeared that the match was going to end a tie, however as a cross was in the air, Melmond defender Trav Strachan was yellow-carded for a jockeying in position which seemed clean to most, but not to the referee Otieno. Strachan was furious and had to be held back by a couple teammates in order not to get tossed out. The Eagles Nest was awarded a penalty kick and since Siggy Secour was still recovering from injury, striker Weber Strong took the penalty and converted it to give The Eagles Nest the 2-1 win, keeping their qualifying hopes alive. Melmond has already qualified for the World Cup, and Manager David Bixler announced that all his reserves will be playing in the match in One Red Dot despite first place in Group 5 being up for grabs, "We won a qualifying group last year, its no big deal, right now we are concentrating on giving our reserves more experience and keeping our starters fresh."

A Rare Moment: Total n Utter Insanity Gives Compliment
In a shocking report coming from the media of Total n Utter Insanity, the cynical Insancians have given the Melmondian press a complement in their release "Today on English for Juniors, Collective Nouns - A World Cup Special." Among entries such as "a whinage of Liverpool Englanders" and "a godmod of Belmorons," we see "a novelist of Melmonds," which is clearly a compliment of the writing skills of the Melmond sportswriter and quite possibly of the intelligence of the Melmondian people. The Department of Education along with Melmond's sportswriters from the Melmond City Herald's Henry Kalangalangalang to the Acosta Chronicle's Dita Dutch were very happy with the announcement.

Shonar Bangla

13-12-2004, 03:54

............(music)...................

Sen: Welcome to today's Sportscentre!! Today, we have another special look at the World Cup Nineteen, and we have a special team assembled here today to provide you with first class analysis on the scenario. So, with a brief introduction of ourselves, let us get down to business. I am your host Santanu Sen, joined by our other anchor Madhumanti. We also have here in the studio ex-captain and current defendor Suvankar Mallik, coach Rana Ali, and retired star Baichung Bhutia. Today, there will be no commercial breaks.

Madhumanti: With that, let's look at today's game with Eystrck. You guys, what are your thoughts?

Ali: I don't think it was a surprise at all. They have been having a little luck recently, but seriously, we were confident in beating them.

Mallik: Yeah, but I didn't like the scoreline, kinda close really. I would have been a little more confident going into tomorrow with a shutout game.

Ali: How the HELL did you let that first goal get through? The ball went through your legs Mallik, I expected better kid.

Mallik: Kid? Considering I've been in this game as long as you were.

Bhutia: Rana, chill out man, everyone makes a little mistake here and there, what matters is the three points.

Madhumanti: Well, our esteemed coach first graduated from the military academy, then entered footballing. Not surprising.

(everybody laughs, Ali smiles as well)

Sen: Well, so what do we take from this game into tomorrow?

Ali: Lots, the defence needs some toughening up....(glare at Mallik)....... and the Futility Kings are a whole different story than Eystrck. We must always keep in mind that 7-1 thrashing, fear is always good, makes you fight harder.

Sen: Suvankar, how importantly is the team taking tomorrow's game?

Mallik: Very. There is absolutely no complacency, something you would expect after beating Eystrck, Hammerund, and even Bedistan. No, tomorrow is a big game, and you can call our team a bunch of nerve-cases. The goalie Banerjee and midfielder Adil Siddiqui have been in constant bickering for hours now, they are going to the bathroom every three minutes, and apparently, the whole team was allotted just one bathroom in the Taj Bengal Hotel. So if anything, we are scared, and that's what coach wants.

Sen: I want to clarify something here for our viewers. As per the tables here, the only game that is of consequence is between us and Big Pimiento. A victory or a draw carries us through, a defeat sees Big Pimiento through. We must also remind, that in the last encounter of the two, we were beaten 7-1 in Big Pimiento. Suvankar, how big a factor is crowd support?

Mallik: It is very much a big factor. I feel it when we play in Murshidabad National Stadium, it is like the ground is vibrating, so much cheering and jeering. Visiting teams have often been jittery. Most of our international experience lies in the inter-regional tournaments we have had, and ultra-nationalism is nothing extraordinary in all of India. But in Shonar Bangla, there is something special in the support, even our other Indian brothers tremble in almost familiar circumstances. Hey coach, you remember in the Indo-03, when Dhanraj Pillay of Hindusthan left the field holding the back of his pants, they were apparently yellow and stinky. I feel sorry for the Futility Kings.

Ali: Yeah, I remember, heheh. I don't feel sorry for them at all though, 7-1 is too big a margin for crowd to overcome. Most of our successes have been abroad, not at home, so for all the fanfare and hype, you guys do better away. But yes, I've heard like records will be broken again tomorrow at the Murshidabad National Stadium. We really need more equal capacity stadiums, we have a pretty big country after all.

Sen: Mr. Bhutia, today's segment is about to close, and you have hardly spoken, any last words?

Bhutia: That's right, I was just absorbed in you guys' bickering and debating, I just want people to remember something. Whatever happens tomorrow, we should be content. In my times, which are before Rana's, there were no football clubs in the country, only one in the poshest neighbourhood of Murshidabad. Now, they are sprawling in all the middle class neighbourhoods. We have come a long way. There was a time, before mine's, when we couldn't even compete outside the nation. We improved with heavy emphasis on domestic competitions. By my time, we began competing with the heavyweights in India, and it was actually Mohun Bagan's victory at the IFA Shield Cup over favourites Salgaocar that set off a period of dominance in the Indian theater. By Rana's time, football in India was associated with Shonar Bangla, and nowadays, we are so dominant, that it is almost non-existant in other parts of India. We have come a long way, but this is our first exposure on the global arena. We impressed in the Baptism of Fire Cup, and have exponentially improved in the World Cup Qualifiers. I am happy with what we have, if we don't make it to the Group stage this time, it won't be a big deal. The way we are learning, next time, we will be making it into the Quarter and Semi finals. You don't get glory in one shot. Murshidabad wasn't built in one day.

Sen: Wow, Mr. Bhutia, very profound and inspirational. You think you will see the ultimate glory--World Cup, coming home in your lifetime?

Bhutia: I am confident, I am just 72, we should bag the twenty-first world cup definitely.

Madhumanti: Still a young man I see, I wish my father could be like that, an optimist. Well Shonar Bangla, there you have it. Mr. Bhutia, coach Ali, Suvankar, we were honored to have you on the show and best of luck tomorrow. So, from Sportscentre today, I am Madhumanti and Santanu Sen, we wish you a good night.

.........(music)...........
(Credits)
© of ESPNStar Network

Total n Utter Insanity

13-12-2004, 07:57

A Rare Moment: Total n Utter Insanity Gives Compliment
In a shocking report coming from the media of Total n Utter Insanity, the cynical Insancians have given the Melmondian press a complement in their release "Today on English for Juniors, Collective Nouns - A World Cup Special." Among entries such as "a whinage of Liverpool Englanders" and "a godmod of Belmorons," we see "a novelist of Melmonds," which is clearly a compliment of the writing skills of the Melmond sportswriter and quite possibly of the intelligence of the Melmondian people. The Department of Education along with Melmond's sportswriters from the Melmond City Herald's Henry Kalangalangalang to the Acosta Chronicle's Dita Dutch were very happy with the announcement.

Insanician 1: Look!

Insanician 2: What? That's a lot of writing, can't you summarize it for me?

Insanician 1: I speak some Melmand, let me try. "TnUI compliment us. Some show insulted LE and TBF, but gave us a rave review which we are happy with."

Insanician 2: How do they manage to fit so little content into such big paragraphs?

Insanician 1: It’s an art form.

Insanician 2: Surely they should know that Insanicians never give compliments.

Insanician 1: Damn n00bs.

Liverpool England

13-12-2004, 08:02

SyLy appointed manager on 1-match contract

Syku Lyku has been unveiled as the new Liverpool England manager, however it is only on a one-match contract. The FALE gave the reason for this at the news conference: "We're lying in third place equal on points with Nova Britannicus. It is our aim to uqalify for the World Cup. If that happens, SyLy will be given a contact running through to WC21."

Should the team fail to qualify?

"If the team fails to qualify, we'll review the situation. If the team suffered a major defeat, SyLy will be told to pack his bags. We're confident however that we'll make it to the finals."

The FALE has also warned of inactivity from the nation over the next 15 days. [OOC: I'm away Dec 16-24]

Vilita

13-12-2004, 14:12

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif

Stott's Revolution

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
46' Riccardo Appolloni
65' Jonathon Stott
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

------------------- Long Serving midfielder Jonathon Stott made what could be his final World Cup Qualifying appearance for the Vilitan National Team against Dance 2 Revolution, and bowed out in style with his first goal of the campaign to lift Vilita to it's 12th consecutive World Cup Qualifying victory, a new National record.

-------------------Upstart striker Riccardo Appolloni has continued to make a name for himself and press his claims to maintain the starting role in favor of German Salomon, who has recently returned to Vilitan side Arcticala Inlet from Melmond's Acosta Browns due to fears of losing his place in the side altogether. Vilita face a stingy Tadjikistan on matchday 13 and the well-known Oaker Sharks on the final matchday, before they travel off to the Finals in the Belmore Family & Turori.

Full Time Analysis:

Vilita

Best Player: Antonis Siazzu
Worst Player: Jaloey Afrikka
Shots on Target: 2
Corner Kicks: 4

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/teamsheet.gif
Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Sibusiso Azaïez, [D] Esemar Aliana, [DMC] Jürgen Ramzi, [ML] Santo Kecker, [MC] Umberto Melli, [MC] Inaki Soler, [MR] Antonis Siazzu, [FC] Serge DuPont, [FC] Riccardo Appolloni,
BENCH::
[FC] Callum Banda, [FC] Jan Christiansen, [M] Jonathon Stott, [M] Marasent Sioane, [U] Christos Tchami, [D] Ricky Ezis, [GK] Delain Falcón,

Vilita Substitutions::
(45) - Esemar Aliana >>> Jonathon Stott
(45) - Umberto Melli >>> Christos Tchami

Turori

13-12-2004, 14:22

------------------------------------
Scores & Tables for the 14th and Final Qualifying Matchday are Available
------------------------------------

Those of you placed in the top 3, we invite you back for the group draw later, details coming soon. Those of you not in qualifying positions, thank you! for participating, we hope you will return for World Cup 20! ::WC20 Signups (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=377781)::

Jeruselem

13-12-2004, 14:44

Jeruselem Government News

Crystals win classic victory but have to fight

Last game of qualifiers and Iansisle had the bye so it could be not No 1. It was Crystilakere vs Jeruselem who were fighting to be No 1. In the game of round, the result was a goalfest where both teams were at their best in game like the wars of Middle East. Both teams had their stone defenses and merciless armies ready for battle. After the dust settled on the battlefield, Crystilakere won 4-3 and took the title of No 1 in Group 3. Jeruselem were deserved bridesmaids who had held no 1 until now.

The Jeruselem Naysayers were still silent as they had expected Maserrat to challenge Jeruselem for no 3 position while the Crystilakere and Iansisle would be the top 2. The underachievers shined in World Cup XVIII, but XIX has shown the failures of past have created a new force to reckon with. Not bad for team which plays 4-4-2.

Oceaice won their last game 2-1 against the Moosey team and 7JM finally won a game against a less-than-I-want-to-here Lethislavania 3-0.

Jeruselem Coach David Becks encourages new teams to sign up to World Cup XX "When Jeruselem played World Cup XI, we scored one point in 14 games in the qualifiers. Now, we make the top 32, beat the top 5 teams like Iansisle. It takes time for nations to built a good system to development quality teams. Don't give up. One day, you too will make the top 32. Learn, experiment, and develop!"

Group 3
Jeruselem 3 - 4 Crystilakere
Runaway Moose 1 - 2 Oceaice
Lethislavania 0 - 3 7JM

Group 3 P W D L GF-GA Pt
Crystilakere 12 9 0 3 31-18 27 Q
Jeruselem 12 8 2 2 33-16 26 Q
Iansisle 12 8 1 3 30-13 25 Q
...

Total n Utter Insanity

13-12-2004, 14:49

Sarzonia

13-12-2004, 14:59

Despite loss, Stars earn Finals trip

This was not how the Sarzonian national team wanted to advance to the World Cup finals for the first time. Despite a three match losing streak that saw the team slip from a solid hold on second place, the Stars finished with one of the three berths in the World Cup finals from Group 8.

The Stars lost their finale at Hendrix Stadium in Woodstock to The Lowland Clans in spite of extra motivation for a team that needed only one draw or a Lykaia loss or draw to clinch the spot in the World Cup. The motivation came from disparaging comments by The Lowland Clans coaching staff about the teams other than Audioslavia in Group 8, but the Stars were "flat" in spite of the pregame talk of being prepared.

"We are bitterly disappointed that we didn't come out ready to play this game," Coach Dave Wilson said. "I'm not even going to look at the World Cup right now. Right now, we're going to have a little bit of a word with the lads about their performance tonight.

"Make no mistake about it. I'm glad we're in the World Cup after four tries, but we're certainly not going in with momentum."

Wilson had a lot to be upset about from the play of goalkeeper Troy Perkins (three goals allowed on four shots before John Bartlett replaced him in the 37th minute) to the shaky defense of sweeper Corey Hemby to misfires by forward and son Brian Wilson.

"We've got to start playing with more urgency than we did this last match," Dave Wilson said. "We lost a tough one to Audioslavia and we lost one we should have won against Lykaia, but we never gave ourselves a chance against The Lowland Clans."

The only goal for the stars came off the right boot of forward Kenny Cooper in the 83rd minute, a goal that salvaged some pride for the Stars and gave them a sliver of hope for the World Cup.

"We're going to go right after it starting tomorrow," Brian Wilson said. "We can't let the last three games affect our psyche as a team."

Fmjphoenix

13-12-2004, 17:06

Victory over Phanazia isnt enough, Vikings barely miss qualification

Fmjphoenix was disheartened today as their 2-1 victory over Phanazoa was not enough to earn them qualification as their goal difference was just no high enough. Now the senior team has a little practice time until the Cup of Harmony starts.

Fmjphoenix started out hard and fast, looking to score a much as it could possibly muster so it could qualify for its first time in its second participation in the World Cup, with a goal by Jorge Mendel at the 2nd minute. Then, not even 5 minutes later, Phanazia responded back in a fashon that stunned the Viking fans watching all over. Not barely 9 minutes into the match, the score was 1-1, and the Vikings needed more goals badly. Then bad happened for them, there was no scoring as the Phanazia goalkeeper kept the Vikings shut out until the second half.In the 71st minute, the Vikings managed to put a second goal on the scoreboard, with a hooking shot from around 25 fet out by Mike Nolan. Then, before they knew it, the match was over. The Vikings won, giving them 20 points, but sadly, they just didn't have the push for more points.

Now that they are eliminated for the second year, they will be looking to getting better and improving their playing and teamwork more. Fmjphoenix looks forward to the Cup of Harmony and trying to win that cup.

"It was a good run in the end. We had the mommentum when we needed it, but just not enough scoring. But there is always next time!" Coach Wash said after the tables were tabulated. "We still have the Cup of Harmony, plus out U21 Team is preparing for U21WC9, so there is plenty to pay attention to."

Fmjphoenix: 2
(Mendel 2, Nolan 71)

Phanazia: 1
(#10 9)

Vikings Qualification Record
win-draw-lose
--------------------------
MD 1: vs The Eagles Nest Draw 2-2
MD 2: BYE
MD 3: vs One Red Dot Lose 1-2
MD 4: vs Melmond Lose 0-6
MD 5: vs Kipto-Mare Win 4-0
MD 6: vs Lennon Marx Win 2-0
MD 7: vs Phanazia Lose 2-3
--------------------------
MD 8: vs The Eagles Nest Win 1-0
MD 9: BYE
MD10: vs One Red Dot Draw 0-0
MD11: vs Melmond Lose 0-2
MD12: vs Kipto-Mare Win 2-0
MD13: vs Lennon Marx Win 2-0
MD14: vs Phanazia Win 2-1
Record: 6-2-4

Adam Island

13-12-2004, 21:00

Adam Island Trounces Hiiraan, 7-1

...but dont expect us to charm to the adams, we shall beat them like the dogsd they are, they are nothing more than a one time GIG...

Despite the fear that Adam Island would let down their guard against Hiiraan, a team that has seen them play twice, now that they have qualified, Adam Island beat Hiiraan 7-1, the second largest margain of victory in the short history of AI International Football.

This is the third time they have played Hiiraan, and the third time they have defeated them. However, AI manager Deidra Gowin didn't take the win for granted, as Hiiraan felt like they had something to prove, as evidenced by the pre-match trash-talk.

Gowin played all her regular starters, and the powerful team that is undefeated against two-time defending champions and #1 ranked Rejistania massacred the Hiiraanian team, refusing to let up.

Striker Adelaide Haakenson got her third hat trick in international play, and her second in the Cup qualifiers. She was joined by fellow forward Celina Fesperman's two goals, and one each by Twilla Novello and Terrence Jhonson. Keeper Paco Naccarato saved two shots by the Hiiranian team, but let one get by late in the first half of play.

Adam Island has qualified for the World Cup XIX and the millions of AI fans anxiously await their draw. They finished third, in their group, one point behind Rejistania and two behind Eauz.

AI will face Hiiraan again in the first match of league play starting soon.

The Belmore Family

13-12-2004, 22:38

Belmorians release warm up schedule

After 12 years out of World Cup football finals we are fianlly back again. However to prepare The Belmore Family has scheduled these matches:

Date: Saturday 13th Febuary 2010 (Tuesday 14th December)
Time: 15:00
Team: Rejistania
Stadium: Faci Arena
Price: A20.99

Wednesday 29th March 2010 (Wednesday 15th December)
Time: 19:45
Team: Nanakaland
Stadium: Alan City International
Price: A8.99

Wednesday 16th April 2010 (Thursday 16th December)
Time: 15:00
Team: Dance 2 Revolution
Stadium: Ian City Grippas Stadium
Price: A10.99

Svecia

13-12-2004, 23:31

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

HOW DOES THIS THING WORK?
Svecians ponder the complex mechanics of World Cup scorinations, actual role of role-playing

Svecia 0 Cockbill Street 2

- After the most recent upset to Cockbill Street coming quickly on the heels of upsets to Oddslavo, Commerce Heights, and Haperd, Svecians all over the country have suddenly taken an interest in the behind the scenes goings-on of the Nationstates World Cup. As a guide for all those wondering (including the staff of this newspaper and many of the actual Lightning players themselves) how not only Svecia, but other top sides including the likes of #1 Rejistania, are all of a sudden struggling against teams ranked well below themselves in the qualifying rounds, our special agents have gone undercover to find out the secret workings of the scorinators themselves and have compiled this list of answers to many of your questions:

Q- How do the hosts figure out scores?
A- The World Cup hosts put some numbers into a computer and then click on something and you get pretty much random numbers which the hosts then post as a score.

Q- How come Svecia is playing so badly?
A- We think it is because of their age.

Q- But everyone has been complaining about scoring fraud by certain scorinators. Coulnd´t that be the reason why we´re always losing?
A- No. The legality of World Cup scores should never be challenged. It´s their age.

Q- How did a puppet nation become a host?
A- This we are still wondering about ourselves.

Q- Do you think the scores could be weird because one of the hosts is a puppet?
A- No. We already told you not to question the hosts.

Q- Isn´t it true there has been some questioning in the past of the shadiness of hosts?
A- Everyone always complains about something. Do we have to tell you again the hosts are legitamate? Shut up and drink your beer.

Q- How did you guys find out all this incredible information?
A- We´re sneaky like that.

Q- When will Svecia host a World Cup?
A- Probably not going to happen.

Q- How can you criticize hosts then if you aren´t going to do anything about it? You´re as bad as the passive americans complaining about their war but then not voting in a new president.
A- Who says we´re criticizing the hosts? You´re the one asking the questions about their legality. They´re totally legitimate scores. And don´t bring politics into voetbal.

Q- How much of a role does role-playing actually hold in the scoring machine.
A- It´s decided by the hosts.

Q- How much of a role does it play according to these hosts?
A- Go look it up.

Q- Why?
A- Ankara´ya gittikçe halami ziyaret ederim.

Q- What was that?
A- Do you have any other questions?

Q- You just asked a question.
A- So?

Q- You can´t ask a question when the line starts with an A. The A lines are for answers.
A- Do you want me to punch you?

Q- Um...We´ve noticed that the Vilämna Dagens Nyheter hasn´t covered every single qualifying game. Could this be a reason why Svecia lost yesterday?
A- Absolutely not! We covered the previous game against Commerce Heights and even gave a little summary of who the Lightning are going to play and what they need to do to qualify! They certainly didn´t lose today because of a lack of role playing. In fact most of the time that we haven´t covered a game the team ends up winning by 3 or more goals.

Q- How did they lose then if you role-played just before this game? Did the other team role-play?
A- Ummm, our sources don´t indicate that they did. In fact, we haven´t seen much from any of the teams in our group.

Q- So if the team isn´t losing because of the random scorinations, the corruption or inexperience of the hosts, the toughness of the group, or the lack of role-playing, then why can´t we beat lower ranked teams???
A- We´re still researching that. Check back with us later.

Shonar Bangla

14-12-2004, 04:10

Sen: Good morning Shonar Bangla to yet another edition of Sportscentre, focussing on the events of yesterday in Murshidabad National Stadium. We have plenty of guests, plenty of champagne, plenty of fun to go around, together with your lovely co-host Madhumanti, I Santanu Sen proudly present the most glorious Sportscentre edition yet.

Madhumanti: With us today in the studio, we have veteran and commentator Mr. Baichung Bhutia, joined by fellow veteran Mr. Sourav Ganguly, as well as the Chairman of the Board of Football of Shonar Bangla, Mr. Habib ur-Rahman. First, let us show some of the highlights of yesterday's game.

.............(GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL)......................
.............(boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo)...........................
.............(GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL).....................
.............(GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL)......................

Sen: Mr. Bhutia, you seem excited today. What's with them national colours?

Bhutia: What do you mean what up with these colours? Son, I am proud today, and we aren't done yet. We just came back with four wins in a row to take it to the World Cup. Great feat, yesterday will be remembered forever by our nation.

Madhumanti: Mr. Ganguly, what is in your mind right now?

Ganguly: I'm just delighted by the way we shut them all up, just shut them up you know!! We were ranked last in this tough group, LAST I said. We were trampled by Lovisa, Snub Nose 38, Bedistan and Big Pimiento, and we just beat them back. Of course, our GD remains poor, but the points are what matter. You need the winner instinct, screw killer instinct.

Rahman: That's true, look at Big Pimiento. They went all-out in their first game with us, 7-1 as a matter of fact. But what was the point? That killer instinct just died yesterday, nah, actually, they've been losing to third-rate teams recently, and we just finished it for them.

Sen: Definitely a great comeback, as Mr. Ganguly put it. I remember the last game with Big Pimiento, we censored the actual results, can you imagine? Coming to yesterday's game, what do you think that we did right yesterday?

Ganguly: Well, I think just the fact that we came out to win. We just needed a draw, but it is good to see that we enter every game with a right mindset, to win. I think Big Pimiento were low on morale, and while we did have a string of successes, we weren't complacent. Lots of applause on Rana Ali for the mentality he instills on the players.

Bhutia: You know, that second goal was so textbook, I just loved the execution. We played for I would say fifteen minutes without giving up possession, knocking it between the defendors and midfielders. One by one, the Futility Kings started being drawn into that net, but we still kept possession. Then came the pass, then the speed of Siddiqui ensured the rest.

Madhumanti: Yes, coach Ali is known for his blending of traditional with extraordinary. Meanwhile, we have live footage from the Murshidabad National Stadium's dance hall of the massive partying going on. This is coming in live, so we have no censoring. There is high possibility of sexual content, so be warned. Now, we join our correspondent Harsha Bhogle, who is at the hall. Harsha, what's going down there?

Harsha: I would like to correct you there Madhu, it isn't just in the hall. DJ Bongo Squad is here, joined by Nochiketa and Sumon Chattopadhyay. The music being played here is being played throughout the stadium, and the partying has been happening from yesterday, there is no sign of trickling out. There could very well be half a million over here. If you look over there at the stage, you have Aritra Basu doing the Kidderpore Walk, and there is Utsav Banerjee jamming with Nochiketa. Throughout the night, this was the world's biggest orgy. In the bathrooms, the lockers, the fridges, everywhere, there is some rubbing up happening, everywhere you step right now is a used condom. I can even smell some ganja up in here, but today is national amnesty, seriously, even the police are joining in here.

Madhumanti: What you been upto man?

Harsha: Me? Heheh, I had my bit of fun here before having to come on camera, (ey, EY, get yo hands off my ladies), sorry about that, people mess around too much. Well, that's all we have here, the party has been on for like fourteen hours, and there ain't no sign of letting up yet.

Sen: Thank you Harsha, be sure to protect your thingy before you do anything, heh. So, there you have it Shonar Bangla. We just would like to say, that this will be the last of home games for Shonar Bangla. The team is to fly out for The Belmore Family or Vilita in a few days, depending on where their placement falls. If they beat the upcoming group stage, they advance into the quarter finals, and so on. Contrary to popular belief, these were only the qualifiers, not the league games.

Madhu: And with that information, we must end today's segment. Thank you to Mr. Bhutia, Mr. Ganguly and Mr. Rahman for joining us today, and thank you to our boys for making the nation proud once again. That's it for today, I am Madhumanti, with Santanu Sen, good afternoon.

Liverpool England

14-12-2004, 09:29

Potential 20-Point Mistake

The Football Association of Liverpool England have issued a statement apologising to national fans for failing to qualify for the World Cup Finals. In the statement, the FALE also apologised for a mess-up in the 2-1 loss against Aquiliana, in which Tim Dennard was sent on for Chris Hawkins, but Hawkins played on for 10 more minutes and scored the Liverpool England goal. The FALE have reprimanded both Hawkins and Dennard, and Hawkins, who is retiring after the coming Cup of Harmony tournament if the team gets invited, has apologised to both teammates and fans. The mistake might cost the national team 20 qualifying points, with the exact penalty still being decided on by both the hosts.

Meanwhile, Syku Lyku has been given a 6-year extention to his contract, which will now run through to after WC21Q. SyLy, who signed a one-match contract before the Aquiliana game, has reportedly accepted the extention. There are however unconfirmed reports that SyLy has asked for the contract to run through the WC21 finals.

(OOC: Emphasis mine. I will NOT accept a penalty not agreed on by both hosts.)

The Belmore Family

14-12-2004, 13:25

(OOC: Emphasis mine. I will NOT accept a penalty not agreed on by both hosts.)

I am in no doubt that Turori will go with my judgement. Please do not incite potential problems.

Druida

14-12-2004, 14:06

*President Margaret Smith is in his office. Unexpectedly, his unnamed helper rushes in...*

Unnamed helper: "Sir, sir, I've got it!"

President Smith: "Got what?"

Unnamed helper: "The black box recorder, sir! From the Margaret Army's flight!"

President Smith: "Well why didn't you say that. Come in, let's play it back."

*The unnamed helper sits down and starts playing the recording back to the president.*

Voice: "Airport control, this is flight DRU00X to Cali in Melmond, are you receiving?"

Airport control: "Receiving you loud and clear, DRU00X."

DRU00X: "We're just looking for permision to take to the runway to take off."

Airport control: "All is clear ahead for you."

DRU00X: "OK, thank you...
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking, this is the Druidan Government flight from Druid Tribune to Cali.
It's going to be a long flight, so make sure your all comfortable, and I'll hand you over to your cabin crew for the journey..."

President Smith: "Well, it's not very exciting, is it?"

Unnamed helper: "It isn't supposed to be exciting! This isn't just some joke they've made up!"

President Smith: "Oh, right. I thought you'd recorded some radio show for me."

Unnamed helper: "I only told you two minutes ago!!! This is the recording from the Margaret Army plane crash!!!"

President Smith: "Actually, now you mantion it, you did say something about that, didn't you?"

Unnamed helper: "Mr President, it would help if you kept quiet, that's all."

President Smith: "Well, you're the one that's going on!"

*Unnamed helper just stares back at the president.*

President Smith: "What?"

*Unnamed helper points at the recorder and they continue listening*

DRU00X: "Airport control, are you receiving?"

Airport control: "We are, DRU00X."

DRU00X: "There seems to be a lot of noise coming from behind us...
like some kind of rowdy crowd..."

Airport control: "What do you mean?"

DRU00X: "Just like a rabble."

Airport control: "Well, get back to me if you start having any problems, OK?"

DRU00X: "OK."

Airport control: "Over and out."

<Just as airport control cease communication, a loud crash is heard.>

New voice: "PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND GET DOWN!"

DRU00X: "What the..."

Intruder: "GO ON! DO IT!!!"

DRU00X: "But we can't do that! Can't you see we're flying this plane?"

Intruder: "Not any more, you're not!"

<A series of about fifteen loud bangs are heard.>

Intruder: "Right then, let's get out of here!"

<It all goes silent for a few seconds.>

Airport control: "DRU00X, this is airport control, do you read me?"

<Nothing.>

Airport control (more frantically): "I repeat, DRU00X, this is airport control, do you read me???"

<Again, nothing.>

Airport control: "DRU00X, ARE YOU THERE!!!"

<At this point, we here a crashing sound and that's it. The recorder goes dead.>

President Smith: "So... what are we going to do now?"

Unnamed helper: "What do you mean, what are we going to do?"

Presidnet Smith: "About the intruder? I mean who was he?"

Unnamed helper: "I don't know! Why would he say that? He's not a complete idiot, you know. Not like those other morons that were on the plane with him."

President Smith: "They weren't morons! They were just committed to the cause!"

Unnamed helper: "Jeez, you'll never listen, will you."

President Smith: "Come on, they died for the cause! How much more committed do thye have to be?"

Unnamed helper: "I don't want to go on, there's a bigger issue at stake here."

President Smith: "There is?"

Unnamed helper: "Yes of course there is!"

Presidnet Smith: "Well, what's that, then?"

Unnamed helper: "Security! Your security!"

President Smith: "Uh?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, why would anyone want to blow up a government plane on a mission that you had specifically sent out?"

President Smith: "Er..."

Unnamed helper: "To get at you, dummy!"

President Smith: "Oh."

Unnamed helper: "Well, either that, or they don't want our football team to do well."

President Smith: "You're going to have to explain again."

Unnamed helper: "Well, why were they going to Melmond in the first place?"

President Smith: "For the dice."

Unnamed helper: "Which were for what?"

President Smith: "To help the team's results."

Unnamed helper: "Exactly."

President Smith: "But who would want to do that?"

Unnamed helper: "I know someone. Not only might he be after you, but the football team as well..."

One Red Dot

14-12-2004, 18:46

We are writing to give more updates STOP
We earned another two wins against STOP
The Eagle's Nest and Melmond STOP
The matches were great upsets STOP
We defeated TEN 2-1 STOP
And defeated Melmond 1-0 STOP
Allen Bellmoor was amaing yet again STOP
He scored one goal in each match STOP
This brings ORD to the top of the table STOP
And another very enjoyable qualification run STOP
We are going either to Turori or The Belmore Family STOP
To play for the cup again STOP
I'd like to add a personal note STOP
I've heard talk that national leaders STOP
Want to hear the news by newspaper STOP
And it something they prefer STOP
I do know you are not like them STOP
Telegraphing is definitely a more personal approach STOP
To what would have been a very cold report STOP
But if you think this is getting to ridiculous STOP
I could use this thing called E-mail STOP
Which boasts instantaneous replies STOP
Unlike this telegraph STOP
Which requires 2 days to get to you STOP

Svecia

14-12-2004, 21:58

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

AWESOME SVECIA JOLT ODDSLAVO
Lightning´s 5 unanswered goals overcome 1-0 deficit in Oddslavo to finish in first place in Group 2

Oddslavo 1 Svecia 5

- Svecia scored 5 unanswered goals after falling behind 1-0 in the 7th minute to shock the Oddslavo crowd and destroy any hope of Oddslavo qualifying for the World Cup.

Despite trailing Group 2 leaders Commerce Heights by as many as 6 points at one point in the qualifying campaign and falling into 4th place in the group, Svecia rallied and overcame their inconsistant play to steal the first place spot with a little help from Cockbill Street on the last matchday.

Svecia showed their offensive strength against a team they lost to 2-1 in the last meeting. And although the qualifying group was one of the tougher ones Svecia has seen for a while, the team did not allow the media, their opponanats, and most importantly themselves, to get in the way of their 5th consecutive trip to the World Cup finals, and 14th trip overall.

A goal from Joël Simão in the 13th minute, a pair of goals from Mikael Solskjaer in the 52nd and 78th minutes, a goal from defender Tomas Kristiansand in the 71st minute, and a goal from Druijf de Vlieger in the 87th minute rallied Svecia past the pesky Oddslavo team playing in their home stadium and hoping to slip past the stumbling Svecians again.

The 5 goal output is one goal short of Svecia´s record: a 6-1 game against Northbank in WC17 qualifyiers and a 6-0 win over Sarcodina in WC 18.

With the early Oddslavo goal, it looked as if Svecia was going to falter on the steps of qualification after trailing the group leaders for the entire qualifying campaign. But Simão´s equalizer gave the Lightning hope again. Still the game was up for grabs as the teams went to the locker room drawn at 1 each.

Matt de Fijts´ halftime speach was enough to jumpstart the Lightning offense for the second half as Svecia outshot Oddslavo 12-1 in the second half after being beaten in that stat 5-2 the first half.

The Lightning returned to Vilämna today to begin training for the finals in TBF and Turori.

Cockbill Street

14-12-2004, 22:20

Lee Branson, Cockbill Street coach for the past one and a half years and still as clueless as Foul Ole Ron about the composition of the Streetian side, surveyed his players with a look of worry. He was about to give what could well be his last speech as coach (or g-iir-guh - he failed to understand why the Streetians had adopted Dwarfish words for many things, seeing as 90 % of the population spoke English as a mother tongue), unless the team by some miracle managed to qualify. His calculations the night before had given them a healthy 50-50 chance, granted (35 % chance of winning, 30 % chance of a draw multiplied by 50 % chance of Svecia beating Oddslavo = 15 %, 35 % + 15 % = 50 %), but football wasn't mathematics - it bears more resemblance to psychology, if anything.

"Right, lads," he began, clearing his throat.

"Eh!" Sarah Cawdron and Rhianna Peters interjected, before he had even had the chance to speak.

"And lasses, and dwarves, and trolls, and confuseds, and whatever damned else you lot are. Listen up, I want you to go out there and play like you did a couple of weeks ago against Svecia. Physical, hard, win every battle, take every chance to get up front, and dare tell me that you're unfit and you'll be given a ****ing shedload of abuse. Understood?"

A murmur of what Branson hoped was assent came across the room. They were strange, these Streetians - in theory, they had the freedom to do anything they want, there were very few laws in this country as far as he could comprehend - so just because they had the freedom to do it, they didn't do it. He couldn't recall the last time he'd hear someone swear, for instance - though it was never frowned upon when he did it, they just looked ashamed that someone had uttered a bad word.

"I mean it," he continued. "You're probably the best team from Cockbill Street in eight years of football - ever since your team won that qualifying group with Audioslavia in it and nearly managed to go through as well, if not for those idiot dinosaurs..."

"Sixteen, g'irgah," Scott Walker said. "We just had Rikki and Thorgeirr eight years ago - possibly Underwood, too. Apart from that, we had nothing. Sixteen years ago, we had a team."

"What on earth did you do sixteen years ago? Win that stupid Harmony Cup?"

"It's not stupid!" came back about nine voices at once.

"With attitudes like that, no wonder you never win anything but losers' trophies...this time, you've got the damn chance to be in the big one. Now take it, with both hands - go out there and win!"

Branson made a gesture towards the dressing room door, and the players began their trudge towards the pitch.

---

<19th minute>

What a boring day at work, Robert Stubbings thought. Everything seems to happen at the other end...I dunno, has the ball even been up here yet? Yeah, a couple long balls from Scott, come to think of it. Here's another one. Looks hopeless, oi, legs, what are you doing? No point in running for that one...hang on, I'm clean through on goal here. What on earth just happened? Better take a shot then...

The stadium quite visibly shook as 450,000 mad Streetians - 130,000 inside the walls and 320,000 outside listening to the shouts or reading on the clacks towers - shouted a near-simultaneous "YEAAAAH" that lasted well over half a minute. "We've scored in Vimesbairn - We've scored in Vimesbairn" one happy dwarf called Arne shouted for several minutes - while the green-clad Capitalizts were still standing with their bowler hats in their hands, so to speak.

---

<34th minute>

Can't those lazy strikers up front help us out here, Scott cursed under his breath. We need to be playing as a team, otherwise it'll be 1-1 here - not that we deserve the lead anyway - that's what the g'irgah keeps moaning about, and he tells Robert off every other minute for being lazy. Wow, look at that, he actually tackled someone...now he's passed it back to Olaf...

Olaf received the ball, wondering what to with it. He hadn't touched it since training yesterday - well, except for the few headbutts he'd given the Capitalizts in the groin and won the ball off them. Here came an opponent - dribble - time for a cross perhaps, into the box for Rhianna, yes, yes, she's headed it...

And off the stadium went again. This time, some swore that they had seen a bit of the top falling off - others said that it was a trick that the Capitalizts were playing on the Streetians to show how bad their commizor stadiums were. Either way, it was two-nil - and both sides refused to believe it, especially Jonathan Havell who had saved six fairly dangerous shots in the game.

---

<half time>

Lee Branson was still in a state of shock. Okay, one-nil was what I hoped for, he thought to himself, but leading ****ing two-nil despite being completely outplayed and only scoring on some counter-attacks? How damned lucky can you be? OK, Havell's had a blinder...absolute blinder. How he saved that shot from Friedman...I'll replay that 50 times tonight, in my bloody head. No videos here in these backwaters...oh, how he missed the Soundgardian and the retired Jeremy Jaffacake...if he could only get hold of 'slavian TV!

---

<71st minute>

NO! "IDIOT!" Branson shouted, for the umpteenth time at Ivar Golddevourer, as he'd just been dribbled past again...he nearly put his ****ing fingers into his mouth, that's how scared he was. Then, of course, Havell fisted it away one-handedly. How many times are we gonna rely on that?

A young boy with a mass of untidy hair suddenly appeared from nowhere. "Clacks message, sir," he said.

"Clacks? Oh, those bloody big towery message thingies?"

The boy looked down in the ground. Must have been me swearing, Branson thought. "'s, sir."

"What about?"

"Oddslavo are 1-3 down against Svecia, sir. Playing really badly, too," he said, excited again.

"That's a relief. The way Havell's playing, though, we might see this through."

"Hope so, sir," the boy said, and went off again.

---

<88th minute>

Wow, Scott thought, we can make this. We can make the World Cup. How amazing is that? We haven't done that on a regular basis for twenty years...not since I played for Wrenwich in that junior league and we all stood around the clacks listening for news about Rikki...and it's probably gonna be my last crack at it, too...

A tear nearly welled up in the eye of the big man. That was until he saw the Capitalizt player trying to dribble past him. As if to get the feminine feelings out of his body, he charged into him, got a yellow card from the referee, and spent ages trying to persuade him that wasn't a yellow card - to pull out time.

---

<94th minute>

Three loud whistles from referee Mert Agijara - who had done a splendid job two minutes earlier of overlooking a clear Capitalizt penalty shout, perhaps out of sympathy with the poor lads from Cockbill Street who had tried so hard and never really made it - still, he couldn't prevent the ensuing pitch invasion. Lee Branson came first, then all of the subs, hugging each other in a frenzy of joy that lasted for several minutes - while nobody seemed to notice all the crazy fans on the pitch. Nobody could get out of the stadium for two hours, people wanted to get in to touch the hallowed grass that their heroes had just won 2-0 on. It is rumoured that no sane thought was committed in the Street for over an hour. Mayhem.

EL CID THE HERO

14-12-2004, 23:13

Schedule:

Monday 20th: Draw
Tueday 21st: TG Groups MD1
Wednesday 22nd: Reveal Groups MD1
Thursday 23rd: TG Groups MD2
Friday 24th: Reveal Groups MD2
Monday 27th: TG Groups MD3
Tuesday 28th: Reveal Groups MD3
Wednesday 29th: TG Round of 16
Thursday 30th: Reveal Round of 16
Sunday 2nd: TG Quarter Finals
Monday 3rd: Reveal Quarter Finals
Tuesday 4th: TG Semi Finals
Wednesday 5th: Reveal Semi Finals
Thursday 6th: TG 3rd Place Play-Off
Friday 7th: Reveal 3rd Place Play-Off/ TG Final
Saturday 8th: Reveal Final

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

NO RP FOR YOU!!!

It is with breaking news from the ECFA that problems have emerged in the EL CID NEWS crovrige of the WC finals.

Due to the office manager doing all his holiday shopping on teletext the whole newspaper is able to get a cheap price to the Bahamas. The downside is that due to the fact it will be happening this Sunday (the 19th) we will not be able to report on what looks to be the lions most successful WC yet

if their is a computer at the hotel we will be able to edit short editions to what we know are people who enjoy are weekly. But it looks doubtful

good luck to the lions of El Cid. We wish you the best

READ AND YOU WILL FIND

MD8
EL CID THE HERO 1 - 0 Munchkinloopa

MD9
Sliponia 0 - 4 EL CID THE HERO

MD10
EL CID THE HERO 2-3 Legalese

MD11
Chonchland 0 - 3 EL CID THE HERO

MD12
The Weegies 2 - 6 EL CID THE HERO

MD13
EL CID THE HERO 2 - 1 Kaze Progressa

MD14
NEWI Cefn Druids 0 - 2 EL CID THE HERO

Audioslavia

14-12-2004, 23:46

Hella-funny RP

lol :D:D you've got Lee Branson's characteristics down to a T :) Keep it up dude and good luck with the world cup :)

IC:

SLAVIA DAGENS NYHETER
No idea what it means, but we like it

As many Audioslavians wait for cup-fever, the newspapers will go off-line as many of our journalists need to do an essay in time for Friday morning.

G'nite bitches.

Golimagoli

15-12-2004, 00:41

OOC: I am SB

Divine intervention hath seen to it that the glorious nation of Shonar Bangla qualifies for the nineteenth world cup of football. There were more than enough indicators that suggested that the final deciding victory was not mere superior skill or speed, but His work.

Prior to the game, the various religious communities joined in widespread acts of prayer and sacrifice, for the victory of the secular nation over the Big Pimiento impostors. The largest minority group of Shakta Hindus observed a fast on the day, even the old and the sick, to end it with millions of goat sacrifices at the beginning whistle across the nation and devouring of Maa's Proshad thereafter while the game proceeded.
The minority Shia Muslims advanced Muharram by months, to observe the holy practice of corporal mortification, not to mourn the martyrdom of Ali, but to self-sacrifice for the greater glory of Shonar Bangla.
The minority Vaishnava Hindus sang Horibol and famous Baul songs in their sleep, at the workplace and through the game. Some even devoted the day to the task of sacrimonious actions, such as conversion of poison to honey (as done by Mirabai), etc.
The minority Christian community held mass, a gathering that tumbled nation-wide Christian records, as it was a larger gathering than even the Pope's last visit and 2003 Christmas combined.
The majority Sunni Muslims held feasts all over the nation, with elaborate beef and goat preparations, after an initial prayer. Note: The direction of prayer was towards Murshidabad, not Makkah, an expression of nationalism.

With such a growth of religious fervour yet communal harmony and integration, the divine presence could be nothing but impressed. Konark disappeared behind the Luna that day, and at night, the Bangalis witnessed a spectacular show of celestial fireworks: a direct meteor shower; and finally, most importantly of all, Shonar Bangla triumphed to salvage even greater glory.

Sarzonia

15-12-2004, 04:14

Stars rested, ready for World Cup challenge

Portland, Somerset (ASP) -- Just days after the Sarzonian national team advanced to its first World Cup finals in four tries, Coach Dave Wilson assembled the team to review its 14 match qualifying campaign. He allowed the news media to sit and listen to his speech to the team.

"We got off to a great start," Wilson told the team. "For the first 11 matches, we played as well as we could be expected to play. Offensively, defensively, set pieces, we were about as good as you could get.

"In the last three matches, we lost our focus a little bit. I'll grant you that Lykaia and Audioslavia are tough places to play, but with a little more effort, we could have won at least one of those matches. The loss to The Lowland Clans at Hendrix was inexcusable. We played like a bunch of beer leaguers."

The Stars (8-5-1, 25 points, third place in Group 8) are awaiting their draw for the World Cup instead of preparing for an appearance in the Cup of Harmony, which the Stars won by defeating Legalese 2-1. Wilson said the team would focus on playing tighter defense and controlling possession more in the World Cup.

"We have to," Wilson said. "We can't afford to get lax and play like we should show up and win. Only a small handful of teams ranked lower than we are have made it through to the Finals. Every game is going to be a battle."

Wilson said he would "have to sleep on it," when asked if longtime veteran Troy Perkins or relative newcomer John Bartlett would earn the start in the World Cup opener. Perkins allowed three goals in 37 minutes against The Lowland Clans in the group stage finale before getting pulled. Wilson declined to say that Perkins's job was in jeopardy then.

"Sometimes, you can tell that someone's just not having their kind of night," Wilson said. "That's all that was. But am I just going to plug Perkins in because he's started so many games for us when Bartlett's played well for us? I don't think that's fair to John."

"If Coach wants me in there, he'll put me in there," Perkins said. "If not, I'll cheer for John or Mark or whoever gets the starting job."

"It's not up to me to decide who starts. That's Coach Wilson," Bartlett said. "I'm going to prepare as if I'll be the starter and if I'm called on, I want to be ready." So do the rest of the Stars.

Melmond

15-12-2004, 06:44

Insanician 1: Look!

Insanician 2: What? That's a lot of writing, can't you summarize it for me?

Insanician 1: I speak some Melmand, let me try. "TnUI compliment us. Some show insulted LE and TBF, but gave us a rave review which we are happy with."

Insanician 2: How do they manage to fit so little content into such big paragraphs?

Insanician 1: It’s an art form.

Insanician 2: Surely they should know that Insanicians never give compliments.

Insanician 1: Damn n00bs.

Meanwhile at the newsroom at the Aldi Tribune, the main paper in Melmond's second largest city of Aldi.

Editor: Did you see this transcript of two random Insancians on the street talking about the Ketchup Times report?

Jim Dwordorf, top sports writer of the Aldi Tribune: No, I havent.

Editor: It turns out that "a novelist of Melmonds" was not a compliment after all! It was an insult saying that we are too wordy. We are bloated and without substance. We have very little meat and lots of fat around it to make it look more delicious. We elaborate so much that the main point is lost in the details. We are clandestine spaammers...(interrupted by Dwordorf)

Dwordorf: Yeah, yeah, I get the point.

Editor: Anyway, I have an assignment for you, it may be a challenging assignment as it goes against all you have learned in journalism school..

Dwordorf: Yes...

Editor: I want you to write the driest, most uninspired, dull to the point of being considered chartered accountancy account on the One Red Dot match you can. We will prove to the Insancians and the World that we can be as skilled at producing tepid and listless drivel as the rest of the world!

Dwordorf: I'm on it!

And Jim Dwordorf of the Aldi Tribune produced this report

One Red Dot Beats Melmond 1-nil
A Subheadline Deemed Too Creative For This Assignment, Whoops...

One Red Dot defeated Melmond 1-nil in One Red Dot. Allen Bellmoor scored the only goal for One Red Dot against mainly Melmond's reserves. Melmond defender Laola Saenu got a yellow card. Melmond doesn't win Group 5 but will be going to World Cup 19 anyway.

Meanwhile back at the offices of the Aldi Tribune

Editor: You know if we were showing up the Aquillans, I would send this back for being too vivid and well...too Melmondic! But its only the Insancians, and it certainly was boring enough to please their standards! Congratulations Mr. Dwordorf!

Dwordorf: Thank you boss.

Editor: You know being a nation called "Total n Utter Insanity," you think they would cherish the rather peculiar and quirky clever nature of the Melmondian writer. But it appears they like dry boring drivel.

Dwordorf: Perhaps they should rename themselves "Total n Utter Inanity!"

Editor: HA HA! Good one! But to their credit, they do have some strange creative names for their players, for example that guy from the Faasen Oranges who was the defender of the year...what was his name...ah yes &#@$...what was his last name...

Dwordorf: Berress...&#@$...actually that was a Melmondian creation..apparently his mother was Melmondian but thought her son should have a name which reflects the nation they live.

Editor: I guess it figures the world has to count on a Melmondian for their creative shortcomings.

*both laugh*

FIN

This little bit of playful jingoism was brought to you by..who else? The Melmondian goddess who has too much time on her hands!

Rejistania

15-12-2004, 09:51

It's been discovered, by the same people who revealed than Spaamanians are only 2 inches high, that the Rejistanian manager has been doping his players to stop them scoring too many goals.

It's long been thought that the natural Rejistanian style was to play the most boring and dullest, championship winning football, but it turns out that Rejistanians favour an aggressive attacking play that delights the fans back home, but is rarely seen outside of Rejistania.

When asked why they didn't let the Rejistani team play this entertaining style, the manager said this.

"We would win every’thing. Everyone would give~up on football and the game would co'lapse."

It was pointed out that the Rejistanian team had won everything, and the game was STILL going strong.

"Only because we over dop'ed the team so they~d lose to Adam Island and make it seem like any'one could win." Came the reply.

Teke Daran read this 'revelations' and reacted by inviting the reporters to see a match of Karela Lines or Kalisimu Salan to get an idea of the real rejistani style of match. He said to reporters on the same press conference where he announced the friendly against The Belmore Family: "Well, it is a compliment if people think we only lose because of doping from Abysmalistan... but the real reason for the losses was that the team played kalesa class instead of world class. There are many teams in the Rejis, who prefer the defensive kind of soccer, which foreigners often consider boring and that fans enjoy seeing a good defense."

NEWI Cefn Druids

15-12-2004, 14:29

There now follows a pre-recorded press release by the Former Minister of Lost Things, now head of the FANCD and a leading candidate in the up-coming NEWI Cefn Druids presidential elections:

"On behalf of the footballing community and people of NEWI Cefn Druids, I would like to take this opportunity to condemn whoever it was that hi-jacked the Druidan government plane that crashed into Bekk recently. I know that the Druidan leader, Margaret Smith, is shellshocked by what has happened, and I hope that this will not affect our up-coming battle at the ballot box in any way, shape or form. I also know that relations between our two nations have not always been so good over the past few years, and would like to offer the Druidan football team a chance to play here in NEWI Cefn Druids, where I know they have fans in abundance. The game between our nations will show that despite our petty grumblings, between us, we can actually live together as two nations, as seperate entities, as a split Druidish Lands."

It is thought that Trevor Kallins will take up this peace offering, as his gripe is largely with NEWI Cefn Druids President Geraint Griffiths, not the Former Minister.

Iansisle

16-12-2004, 03:06

"Look," said David Westmore, crossing his arms, "I won't let you do it, and that's final."

"Aw, be a chap, Dave," smirked the greasy-haired many from the Directorate of Sports, Games, and Recreations. "You know this comes straight from Sir Gregory himself - we have to go along. Besides, it's kinda catchy, don't you think."

"I will not let us be announced as the 'World Cup XIX Iansisle Ians - From the Same Country as the Cherry Cup VII Champion Iansisle Gulls!' And that's not catchy - it's overly long, awkward, and demeaning! We have our own accomplishments - we won the SuperCup!"

"Baby, that was so long ago that the country you won it against isn't even playing anymore," laughed the other man. "Besides, wasn't that the Harmony Cup?"

"No - they called it the SuperCup that year...that's not the point!"

"Tell you what, Dave: when you win a real, grown-up cup, you can be known as the 'World Cup Champion Iansisle Ians.' Until then, it's this or nothing. Oops, I gotta fly - I have a meeting with the hosts to let them know about our change of team introduction. By the way, baby, love those uniforms! - way to show solidarity with the boys on ice!" And with a snap of his fingers, he had hailed a taxi and was gone, leaving Westmore cursing and beating up inanimate objects.

Nova Britannicus

16-12-2004, 14:51

Philosophise That!
AO Nations combine to put Liverpool England Out

Not only did the Navy Blues get their cruical, much-needed win over Pterodactyl, but the Aquilianan Falcons also managed to kick some Philosopher ass, thereby allowing Nova Britannicus to leapfrog Liverpool England in the Group 4 Table and into the third and final Qualification spot. Hurrah!

It was the young pretender Royal Seaford and the Old Warhorse Charlie Bowman that fired Nova Britannicus into their first ever World Cup Finals. Fittingly, really, as the pair have scored around half of Nova Britannicus' goals in this Qualifying Campaign. Hurrah!

This was the fifth of a five-game winnning streak, Nova Britannicus' best ever run of results. In that time Charlie Bowman has five goals, Royal Seaford four and Dean Caliban three. They've beaten Liverpool England, Aquiliana (twice) and Total n Utter Insanity to rack up Nine wins from their fourteen matches. That's as many as Starblaydia managed! Hurrah!

Now we wait for the World Cup Finals in The Belmore Family and Turori. Will we be placed with Starblaydia? Who knows? Hurrah!

The Belmore Family

16-12-2004, 21:35

Belmorians embarresed by Dance 2 Revolution

The First Half RP:
When you think of Dance 2 Revolution what do you think. As most people I'm sure you'll be reminded of the small obscure nation with strange sexual fettishes. However I'm sure the firey display of football last night has shocked you into their football being your main thought.

As the first half began, the Belmorians seemed very happy to be playing after a 3 year absense of international football. However, as the match started you could see the disparity in the Belmorian side from that that played 3 years ago in the Cup of Harmony.

And this lead to a poor clearence by Paul Irwin on the 13th minute, giving Dance 2 Revolution a great chance to score. "El Salvador" collect the ball and ran towards the goal. He flew the ball into the box but John Goshawk punched the ball out to the other side where Xont collected the ball. He got round William Edwards with relative ease leaving only him, Goshawk and "El Salvador" in the box. Goshawk ran out towards Xont but Xont played a beautiful ball down to "El Salvador" whos shot skimmed the bar and went over.

However, when the Dance 2 Revolution goal came around, it took a moment of sheer wizardry. Jiklintos had the ball in defence and played it wide to Jherylyinsto. Jherylyinsto calmly slipped the ball past the Belmorian defense where Qwertz was one-on-one with the goalie. However his powerful shot was blocked by Goshawk. The ball went spiraling into the air and as it came down Qwertz he did a stunning bycicle kick which dropped at the last second falling into the goal.

Rejistania

16-12-2004, 22:56

Kylaai crashed

The Kylixes from Kylaai lost at home 0:4 against the Orange-Blues. The Rejistani national team was already qualified but this win ensured them also to finish in front of the team that must not be named. Coach Jen Y has an excellent record so far: The Orange-Blues lost no single match when he coached the team, but the general opinion among fans is that he'll chose the matches in the group stage to be lost instead. The team of Kylaai did not play nude, but many fans came to the match wearing nothing but body-painting in the Kylaai colors. The national TV station TV-R decided to blur the fans out in the images for 'aesthetic reasons'. the reporter, who was in Kylaai for Janamirakansu JSK was not able to recall anything from the match. He claims that he has amnesia, but in the Han-ines KaMaRi it is rumoured that merely the good looking nude kylaai fans caused him to forget his duty. What he can tell you is the data, which we got from the ASR:

The result:
Kylaai 0
Rejistania 4 (Harakemindanutikejil 10th 38th, Dikelesinivetisaru 58th, Ky-Inidiviayu 72nd)

Dance 2 Revolution

18-12-2004, 15:35

D2R back on track

After embarassing finish to qualifying, D2R bounce back against Co-Hosts in first ever friendly

The Dance 2 Revolutiion team must have been happy with the non-hostile greetings by the fans, which, after the match, manager Naoki Maeda described as 'one of the best receptions to a match I have had outside of D2R.' But just because the fans were nice, didn't mean that D2R were going to go easy on their national side.

Dance 2 Revolution should have scored the first goal in the 13th minute when "El Salvador" managed to have a one-on-one with Goshawk, Goshawk saved and the ball dropped to Xont on the wing, Xont then took on Edwards and managed to flight in a cross which "El Salvador" hit over the cross-bar.

In the 34th minute, Dance 2 Revolution did manage to score the first goal. The build up started in defence with Jiklintos and Jherylyinsto. Jherylyinsto played a ball through the Belmorian defence which fell to Qwertz who had a shot, Goshawk saved but only for it to loop over Qwertz' head and leave him beautifully set up for the overhead kick for 1-0

Dance 2 Revolution started the 2nd half and peppered the Belmorian goal with shots, but Goshawk would not let the second goal in. But it was inevitable when it came. "El Salvador" showed clean heels to many Belmorian players before faking a shot that fooled Goshawk and then tapping it into the empty net after 74 minutes.

The Belmore Family came close to pulling one back when a 25 yard free-kick hit the cross bar. But it just wasn't there day as the game ended 2-0.

Final Score:
The Belmore Family 0
Dance 2 Revolution 2(Qwertz 34', "El Salvador" 72')

Druida

20-12-2004, 11:13

Football in the Druidish Lands a quick update:

Both NEWI Cefn Druids and Druida qualified for the World Cup Finals. A Druidan plan for the Margaret Army to bring the voodoo dice to their nation (even though they no longer exist) was foiled when the plane they were travelling on crashed into Bekk Lake. The Football Association of NEWI Cefn Druids have now invited the Druidan team to their country for a pre-World Cup friendly game...

Trevor Kallins (Druida manager): "I can't go there! I just can't go there!"

President Smith: "But it's only a friendly game. It's a... a kind of peace offering."

Trevor Kallins: "But we hate them, remember? Why did you start Druida in the first place?"

President Smith: "I know, but if we kick their sorry asses, we'll remember it forever more!"

Trevor Kallins: "Sir, if you win the election there, then they'll be us. Playing a game against them is promoting a seperated Druidish Lands."

President Smith: "So you're not going to go, then?"

Trevor Kallins: "No way. Not for all the charcoal in Kingsford."

The news quickly filters out, and makes it to the FANCD Headquarters at The Oval in Cefn. The NCD former Minister for Lost Things, now Head Honcho at the FANCD and Presidential candidate, calls President Geraint Griffiths.

FMfLT: "Geraint, a problem."

GG: "What is it?"

FMfLT: "You know our plan?"

GG: "Which one?"

FMfLT: "The one where we get rid of all the symbols of Druidan national identity so that we can stay in power in our own country?"

GG: "Yes..."

FMfLT: "Well, our plan to get the football team here hasn't worked."

GG: "Oh."

FMfLT: "Apparently, Smith was all for it, but the manager said no."

GG: "The manager... That's Trevor Kallins, isn't it?"

FMfLT: "It is."

GG: "A defector eight years ago after I questioned his ability to manage the team."

FMfLT: "I don't think that's why he defected, sir."

GG: "Of course it is. Anyway, there's only one thing for it."

FMfLT: "And what would that be?"

GG: "We're just going to have to bump off Kallins before they go to the finals."

FMfLT: "But... how?"

GG: "Don't you worry about that. I know just the woman."

FMfLT: "Oh yes?"

GG: "And because everyone will think that she's elsewhere, no-one will suspect a thing..."

Later, in a prison somewhere in NEWI Cefn Druids...

Psychic Sue: "Mr President! I had a feeling you were going to visit me today."

GG: "Er... yeah. Sue, I'm here to see if you can do something for me."

PS: "Well, come back to my cell, and we'll do it there. No need for everyone else to see."

GG: "OK."

*They walk back to Psychic Sue's cell.*

PS: "Lay on the bed, Mr. President. Make yourself comfortable."

GG: "Er, thanks, though I... I won't be staying long."

*President Griffiths sounds slightly nervous as Psychic Sue starts unbuttoning his shirt.*

PS: "You know, I've always found a man with power really attractive..."

GG: "You... have?"

PS: "Of course!"

*She rips his shirt off.*

GG: "Sue, I think you've got the wrong idea here..."

PS: "Oh?"

*She unzips his fly.*

GG: "When I said that we needed a bit of privacy, I didn't mean for that! I meant that what I have to tell you is confidential. No-one else should hear it."

PS: "Oh."

GG: "You see, you are in here for shooting the NEWI Cefn Druids football manager Tim Welsh 16 years ago, yes?"

PS: "Yes."

GG (putting his shirt back on): "Well, as you're the most experienced person in NEWI Cefn Druids at shooting international football managers, we've got a little job for you..."

Turori

20-12-2004, 16:46

The World Cup 19 Finals Draw

:: Group A ::
Venue: Almintora National Stadium, Almintora, Turori

Iansisle
Turori
Tadjikistan
Shonar Bangla

:: Group B ::
Venue: Cednia Beach Center, Cednia Beach, Turori

Vilita
Eauz
Starblaydia
Nova Britannicus

:: Group C ::
Venue: Kionao Park, Kionao Region, Turori

Audioslavia
Commerce Heights
Lovisa
Cockbill Street

:: Group D ::
Venue: Iobabao Legendary Park, Mliona-Lpaka, Turori

Kaze Progressa
Melmond
Crystilakere
Sarzonia

:: Group E ::

Svecia
Total n Utter Insanity
The Lowland Clans
The Belmore Family

:: Group F ::

Rejistania
NEWI Cefn Druids
One Red Dot
Wella

:: Group G ::

The Eagle's Nest
Bedistan
EL CID THE HERO
Adam Island

:: Group H ::

Squornshelous
Dance 2 Revolution
Jeruselem
Druida

Sarzonia

20-12-2004, 17:03

Stars look to be 'rude guests'

With Sarzonia drawing Group D in Turori and neighbouring country Crystilakere in the same group with the Stars, Coach Dave Wilson has some familiarity working in his and the team's favor.

"Well, we won't get lost on the way to the stadium," Wilson cracked. "I don't know how much of an advantage it will be, but we'll at least be familiar with the Crystils. With the matches taking place in Turori, we think we may be able to squeeze in more of our fans so that might work to our benefit."

Sarzonia backed into the third and final World Cup qualifying position despite a three match losing streak to close out the qualifying season. The team said the streak would motivate them to "snap out of it," midfielder Darwin Russell said.

"We didn't end qualifying the way we wanted," Russell said. "Now we've got tough games against longstanding greats like Kaze Progressa and Melmond, plus you can't discount Crystilakere."

Kaze Progressa comes into the World Cup finals with the world's fourth ranking while Melmond is unofficially ranked 13th. Crystilakere brings a 20th ranking into the tournament while the Stars bring up the rear at number 32. The Stars are undaunted by their low rank compared to the other teams in the draw.

"We respect the teams in our draw, but we don't fear them," Wilson said. I'm afraid of seeing [Hamptonshire's foreign minister] Mel Ziller naked. The groups in our draw are a challenge and we relish the challenge."

Wilson said the team has been using the time to iron out some problems defensively, and he announced the team would switch to a 3-5-2 with central defender Corey Hemby going to the bench. Midfielder "Dix" Porter enters the starting lineup in an effort to improve the team's offense.

"We didn't want to have [midfielder Bobby Convey] be the only person in the starting 11 who can distribute the ball. If teams start pressuring passing lanes, I want to be able to put someone out there who can be equally dangerous. I also don't want to have to pull [forward Brian Wilson] back into midfield if I can avoid it." Dave Wilson said the team wouldn't rule out having Brian Wilson play midfield in a 4-5-1 to tighten the defense up in a pinch, however.

"Brian can play midfield if we absolutely need it," Dave Wilson said. "Hopefully, that won't be an issue."

Eauz

20-12-2004, 19:11

Le LIBRE

World Cup Draw brings suspicion.

The draw for the 19th World Cup occurred yesterday in Turori, with most of the football nation watching, excluding Liverpool England, who were knocked out of the qualifying round. Controversy is everywhere, as people are wondering if the knock out of LE was due in fact by the controversial host bid vote, which has still not been revealed. The Turori bid was the one who won, but the vote counters wouldn’t provide results. Other controversy arose, which will be revealed after Group B is revealed:

Group B
Vilita (5)
Eauz (9)
Starblaydia (18)
Nova Britannicus (45)

Group B has some great teams in it, with the top team being from Vilita. Controversy arises here, as Vilita controls Turori. One might see some odd things occurring between the two nations, especially since during the qualifying round, Vilita went 12 – 2 – 0. The controversy in the group continues, as we move down the group. Starbladia has close ties with Nova Britannicus, and we might see another incident of Spaam & East-Spaam.

Vilita – Putting aside conspiracy theories, Vilita seemed to breeze through the qualifying round posting a 12 – 2 – 0 record. They appear to be the next LE. Unfortunately, we all know what happens to teams who go through with an amazing record. Most of them fall out during the first round. Despite this “curse”, Vilita is ranked #5 in the world, and should do better than fall out early. Look for this team to play very well during the cup, due mainly from their strong defence-offence combination. Firing on all cylinders, this team is averaging 2.5 goals per match, and giving up around ½ a goal per match.
Predictions : 1st in Group B

Eauz – Les Bleus are the only team in this group who did not play the full 14 matches, due to one team dropping out of the cup. If they had played the total 14 matches, they might have posted an almost amazing 10 – 2 – 2 record. Their defence started off very well in the first half of qualifying, as they had only given up 3, but things seemed to fall apart in the second half, as Eauz ended up giving up 14 goals. In this group, Les Bleus will be a contender, but will have to fight for their qualifying place, as Starblaydia is another strong team.
Prediction :2nd or 3rd in Group B

Starblaydia – Starblaydia will be a contender fighting for the 2 spots to continue onto the next round. In their group, they posted 31 goals for, which prove their offence is alive and well. Unfortunately, just like Eauz, their defence is a bit weak, as they also conceded 14 goals. Aside from this, this team should be a challenge for all the teams in this group. Oh yeh, Eauz has to remember that a guy from this country raped an Eauz girl, so Eauz fans should come out in numbers to boo this team…
Prediction : 2nd or 3rd in Group B.

Nova Britannicus – No one in Eauz has much information on this team, aside from that fact that they have close ties with Starblaydia. Eauz also knows that one should not misspell this countries name, otherwise there could be a n00k attack. It is unclear as to how well this team will do, but they don’t seem to do well on offence or defence, with a +6 GD.
Prediction :4th in Group B

Despite all the controversy, it is assumed by Eauz fans that they will be cheated out of the next round, due to some changes in the standings and bribes. And despite these negitive views, this is the year for Eauz to win another cup, as they have been winning cups in 3's. Wc13, WC16, and hopefully WC19.

Cockbill Street

20-12-2004, 19:30

It had been a long day at the office for Lee Branson. He had filled out a lot of forms requesting that the Compound clubs give up their best players for the World Cup - amazing, really, but you needed forms for everything in this country! Now, at five o'clock, he was finally finished and prepared to go home to his shack. As he thought, he turned a corner and bumped into Helen Carpenter.

"Ah, Mr Brahn-son! How fortunate, I was just looking for you," Helen said, slowly, pronouncing every syllable all too clearly. Helen Carpenter had become, over the years, very similar to an old English teacher in primary school - you know, the one you don't want to cross but just say "'s, ma'am" to because the consequences of saying anything else are too horrible to think about.

"Really? Oh..." Lee said.

"Yees. Because we have just received a clacks message from Turori, with the group draw for World Cup 19," Helen said, grinning.

"Oh. Well...who was it, then?"

"First, Lovisa. You know the story of Cockbill Street and Lovisa, I trust?"

"Um...um...not quite?"

"Really. Well, I won't bother your cognitive processes with trying to come it with a faint memory. You see, oh, it must be twenty years ago now, Cockbill Street were drawn in the same qualifying group as Lovisa. That was in the days when we had just broken through, reached the cup stages for the first time, played exquisite football until we were knocked out by Liverpool England (cursedbetheirname)"

"Oh. Was that when...Rikki...Stone played?"

"Indeed. That was before we sold him to Melmond and he became a capitalist more interested in money than his country. Anyway, this qualifying series was fairly disastrous - we finished tied on points with The Belmore Family and Lovisa, who were ranked some forty-oddth at the time. The Belmore Family had a better goal difference, so everyone agreed they should go through. Interestingly, though, the hosts said that the Street should go through instead of Lovisa, because we had won on head-to-head, on away goals."

"So all good, then."

"Do you remember the Streetian participation in World Cup 15?" Helen said, her voice at the temperature of liquid hydrogen.

"Um...not really..."

"Because we were never in. Faiwe Irafma and his godmodding friends," she used the word like Branson would use "bloody" or "Liverpudlian", "decided that the World Cup should use goals scored, not head-to-head meetings, and so Aquilla and Lovisa went through and Cockbill Street and The Lowland Clans went out into the Cup of Harmony. Which we won, but that's beside the point."

"Um...well, wasn't it really the Progressans' fault, not the Lovisans'?"

"They still had the cheek to knock us out! Plus, that started the sixteen years of absolute torture for Streetian fans. Ever since that we've bumped around twenty-fifth in the world rankings, qualifying the odd time, failing other times. Pathetic."

"Um...how about the other two teams?" Lee brightened up, thinking that those matches surely couldn't be as important as this one.

"The second is Commerce Heights. Yes, we're meeting the capitalists again. I'm sure you'll agree that that 2-0-0 record in this cup is too good to break - and the Streetians love nothing more than seeing money-loving extorters with bowler hats being knocked out."

"Really..." Lee realised she had made them in order of importance. He plunged in. "So...what's the last team?"

"The last team, dear Mr Brahn-son, is your own dear Audioslavia. Now, the last thing we want is a national manager who lays down his arms just because he happens to come from the country we're playing, I'm sure you will agree?"

"Um...that was...a bit...weird..."

"Patriotism is a very good thing, Mr Brahn-son," she began, almost like a lecture. "We nurture it to a large degree here in the Street - although, of course, not to the extent of nationalism! 'Tis a fine line to tread. We here at the Department of Sport appreciate that you have feelings for your mother country's football team - of course we do! But the thing is, Mister Brahn-son, we don't control the population. And if the population suspects foul play - such as Underwood "accidentally" conceding a goal to Khully Tanner - they may allow their patriotic feelings to take over. And let me assure you, you are not getting away as easily as Siki Rej. Am I making myself clear?"

"'s, ma'am," Lee whimpered.

"Good. Very good. Now, I am sure you can use your expertise on the Audioslavian national team to show how to beat them - chop chop!"

Lee almost ran out of the Department building - a task that took a good 15 minutes, given the sheer size of the place - pondering how on earth he would fix it so that BOTH Cockbill Street and Audioslavia went through...

Dance 2 Revolution

20-12-2004, 21:27

Oh. That's interesting

Maybe it's time for the revenge on D2R's WC17 actions

Dance 2 Revolution citizens were afraid that they had awoken a sleeping beast after the WC19 draw was completed.

Two teams that D2R had drawn for the WC19 group stages may remember some things that D2R had done to them 8 years earlier, controvertially eliminating them both on seperate occasions, and here is the story.

World Cup 17 Qualifying Stages

After Day 11 Results

After Dance 2 Revolution had lost to Lovisa 3-2. It seemed like all hope of qualification had gone. 3 teams were confirmed through and Jeruselem and D2R were left fighting for 4th place. Jeruselem had a 7 point advantage over D2R, this left either two options for D2R qualification:

Win all 3 matches and hope that Jeruselem did not win a game.
or...
Get 2 wins and a draw and hope that Jeruselem did not gain a point, and rely on the superior goal difference to go through to play-offs.

D2R went on to qualify, winning all 3 matches and stealing the 4th place play-off spot by 1 point.

Now, for the story of Squornshelous.

World Cup 17 Group Stages

Final Day

At the beginning of the Final Day of the Group Stages, Eauz and Squornshelous were lying comfortabley in the qualifying positions, leaving Liverpool England in 3rd and D2R lying at the bottom of the table. To qualify, Dance 2 Revolution needed to win and Eauz needed to lose and the results needed (if i remember correctly) The total goals (for D2R and against Eauz) in the matches needed to be 5 for D2R to qualify on goal difference.

D2R went on to defeat Squornshelous and Liverpool England dumped Eauz, leading in the table being turned for D2R and LE to go thhrough to the final 16.

The Draw and Predictions

Squornshelous

Dance 2 Revolution have filed an official request to have the game against Squornshelous played behind closed doors as it is predicted fans will act in a hooliganastic manner. D2R have only played them in the one match, and believe it will be interesting how they will line-up for the second attempt.

Prediction: 1st or 2nd

Dance 2 Revolution

Hoping to make it to their 2nd final in 8 years, but knows there will be some trouble along the way. Shouldn't find too many troubles except Squornshelous.

Prediction: 1st or 2nd

Jeruselem

May cause an annnoyance to the top 2 teams in the group, especially Dance 2 Revolution, who, after eliminating them in WC17, may be fueled on anger to push the team to the limits.

Prediction: 3rd or 4th

Druida

The team is not known very well to the RAF, hopefully shouldn't cause too many problems, but you never know now.

Predictions: 3rd or 4th

(OOC: I suppose it's more up to Squorn than TBF/Turori if the game is played behind closed doors. Just think it's appropriate, so if i could get a yes/no from the person I would be grateful, thanks)

Nova Britannicus

21-12-2004, 00:01

Aay-Oh! Aa-aa-aay-Oh! Group Draw Come and Me Almost At Ho-ome!

The Navy-Blues were drawn in a World Cup Finals Group, yes, you heard me correctly, with Two-Time World Champions Eauz, that huge AO nation Vilita and only our bloody neighbours Starblaydia !

Nova Britannican football fans were in total dreamland. Never mind the well-publicised facts about the five-match winning streak and usurping of Liverpool England to get to the World Cup, but this draw is just too much to have asked for. Three pillars of the Football World? Wow! Not only that, but we have also been drawn in Turori! How's about that for ease of travel? They even speak (roughly) the same language as us! Could we have many more sentences ending in exclamtion marks? Not likely!

Some of this squad know this may well be their only chance to appear in a World Cup, whether through age or the fact we might not ever qualify again! Live life to the full! Remember that our assistant-Coach David Bentley once scored against Vilita in the Qualifiers for World Cup 15, and that our manager Jean-Paul Georges-Ringeaux was the Starblaydi manager at the time!

Oh, and only Adam Island and Shonar Bangla are worse than us, according to the latest KPB rankings we've seen! We're not odds-on for the Wooden Spoon!

Omens? We don't need no Omens! We're that Good! Britannicans Up For The Cup!

Vilita

21-12-2004, 10:43

Vilkaus Announces Finals Squad

ooc: New (Real) Player Profiles for WC19F!

GOALKEEPERS:

[ 85 ] Jimmy Kater [ - Arcticala Inlet - ]
------- GK ( AGE: 24 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Jimmy Kater took over the starting position on the National Team under the intense spotlight of the World Cup 17 Finals in Vilita. Kater has remained first choice keeper since then, despite a Quarter Final exit to Liverpool England. After leading the Vilita Under-21's to the Under-21 World Cup 7 Championship, Kater left a deflating Tivali City to join up-and-comers Arcticala Inlet, who have since formidified their place in the top half of the Stellar Division tables.

[ 87 ] Bryan 'Pop' Duiker [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- GK ( AGE: 29 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Pop Duiker has spent most of his career playing his trade on the regional stage, never getting much senior action on the international stage. Following in the footsteps of Corsi and Rory Issah, Duiker looked set to take over the top job upon Corsi's retirement. However, the massive uprising of Jimmy Kater and his superb performances in the Under-21 team kept Duiker on the bench where he has been for a record amount of International games throughout his performance-less career. His club life has been much more fruitful, taking over from Corsi when he left Yeaddin Owls to play overseas, Duiker has led the Owls to 6 consecutive Stellar Division championships.

[ 86 ] Delain Falcón [ - Tivali City - ]
------- GK ( AGE: 21 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Falcon signed for Vilita Declasse side Akisa Surta midway through Vilitan Season 9, joining the club in a promotion battle. He is the first ever recognized international from Akisa Surta, And has large shoes to fill in defending Vilita's Under 21 Championship earned by National Hero Jimmy Kater. He took a further step in filling Kater's shoes by joining his former team, Stellar Division side Tivali City in Season 11.

DEFENDERS:

[ 3 ] Jaloey Afrikka [ - Jlinal Cove FC - ]
------- D LC ( AGE: 28 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 1 REG: 1 )
Jaloey Afrikka is one of the quiet talents in the Vilita lineup. A regular in the team since graduating from the Under-21 side, Jaloey is always in the roster somewhere, either starting or on the bench, when the Vilitan teamsheet is announced. With the retirement of Vilitan defensive legends Giacomo Adika and Enzo Ahat, Afrikka finds himself as first-choice Central Defender for the World Cup 19 Finals. Afrikka will have added confidence after returning home to Jlinal Cove FC, the club where he got his start, after a stint in the Stellar Division with Turoki Isle.

[ 0 ] Esemar Aliana [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- D RLC ( AGE: 28 GOALS::SR: 1 U21: 3 REG: 4 )
Promising young utility defender made his first appeances for The U21 side during the successful Runner-Up finish to Jeruselem. Became a regular on the Subs bench in World Cup 15. Esemar Aliana has since become one of the top defenders in Vilita, and his move to Yeaddin Owls AFC has seen him earn many Stellar Division championship medals over the course of the past few seasons. Aliana will want to make an impression this cup and add to an already impressive record, as the youngsters are breathing down his neck trying to take his spot in the lineup.

[ 9 ] Andrea Lamberti [ - Nusira-Lionta - ]
------- D LC ( AGE: 18 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Lamberti became the youngest player to ever feature for the first team at Arcticala Inlet and has been tipped as the next Giacomo Adika after a high profile transfer to Nusira-Lionta following Vilitan Season 9. At just 17 years old, looks set to be a regular in the Vilitan starting lineup following the semi-retirement of Adika and Enzo Ahat

[ 6 ] Ricky Ezis [ - Strike FC - ]
------- D RC ( AGE: 24 GOALS::SR: 2 U21: 1 REG: 1 )
Ricky Ezis is one of the most exciting prospects in all of Vilita, being molded in the exact form of the most capped Vilitan player in history, Enzo Ahat. The Strike FC defender plays alongside former Vilitan Nationals Danilo Liguori and David Leacock in the Stellar Division and frequently outshines his more experienced teammates. His performances have consistently earned him selection to the National team in favor of this duo, and Arcticala Inlet's Emarka Laniora.

[ 4 ] Sibusiso Azaïez [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- D C (SW) ( AGE: 26 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )

[ 5 ] Petros Alfieri [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- D C ( AGE: 23 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 1 REG: 0 )
Petros Alfieri is just the next in the ever growing list of impressive defenders coming from the Marine Coast Academy. Coached by utility player Baron O'Toole and defensive great elekim Cairns, the Marine Coast Academy has already graduated names like Cairns, Enzo Ahat and Sibusiso Azaiez. Alfieri, a strict Central Defender, has a bit of a temper to overcome before seeing a regular starting role with the National Team, being sent off multiple times in the Vilitan League season, including an embarrassing dismissal against non-league Mliona-Lpaka that led to Marine Coast's early exit from the Vilitan Cup.

DEFENSIVE MID:

[ 32 ] Jürgen Ramzi [ - Jlinal Cove FC - ]
------- DM C ( AGE: 37 GOALS::SR: 13 U21: 0 REG: 0 )
Defensive Midfielder, not selected for World Cup 13 do to injury. Took up a role behind the central midfielders in a strong World Cup 14 Qualifying showing by the Jungle Cats and has retained his place in the side. Assumed Captaincy of Marine Coast following the departure of Santo Kecker to Barcoenfuego in Kingsford, and played many successful seasons in Crosaibi. With the lack of a suitable Defensive Midfield replacement, Ramzi was urged by Vilitan head coach Helmut Vilkaus to stay on the international scene well into his 30's. Ramzi agreed, while taking up a new job, as coach of Jlinal Cove FC, where he has begun a transformation which has made Jlinal Cove FC look more like a Defensive Midfield training academy, providing three Under-21 Internationals already, with more likely on the way.

[ ] Christian Sanou [ - Jlinal Cove FC - ]
------- D DM RC ( AGE: 20 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 1 REG: 0 )
A star out of place in his lowly club side, Sanou is leading the new crop of Defensive Midfielders being trained under Vilitan legend Jurgen Ramzi. Ramzi was recruited by Jlinal Cove FC after their relegation to the Declasse Division of the Vilitan Football Pyramid, and since has introduced a wealth of Defensive Midfield talent to Vilitan head coach Helmut Vilkaus. Under-21 International Sanou has risen from absolutely nowhere under Ramzi's leadership to bypass Liverpool England based Antonis Ratuva and Corra Rangers' Lai Otieno to challenge Ramzi himself for his place in the starting lineup for World Cup 19.

MIDFIELDERS:

[ 25 ] Santo Kecker [ - Strike FC - ]
------- M LC ( AGE: 35 GOALS::SR: 16 U21: 0 REG: 3 )
Captain of Vilitan National Team since the start of World Cup 13. Kecker transferred from Marine Coast United to Barcoenfuego of Kingsford for 6.2m Following World Cup 14. Kecker, a free kick specialist, was left homeless when the Kingsford Pillar League dissolved and decided the time was right for a return to the Vilitan League. While he had originally planned to rejoin Marine Coast United, Kecker ended up at Jungle Strike FC. To this day, Kecker, Strike or Marine Coast have not indicated any of the reasons behind this decision, and it is likely to remain a mystery. Whatever the reason, the effect is clear, with Strike stepping up as the main challenger to Yeaddin Owls in the seasonal challenge for the Stellar Division title, as well as counting up a handful of Vilitan Cup and Tropical Trophy victories along the way.

[ 51 ] Inaki Soler [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- AM RLC ( AGE: 21 GOALS::SR: 4 U21: 7 REG: 1 )
Inaki Soler may be the greatest Vilitan talent since Santo Kecker graced the Vilitan history books with the first ever game-winning Vilitan goal against Compound Interest in World Cup 13 Qualifying. Despite a lack of goals so far in his senior career, a high profile-record transfer to the ever-improving Yeaddin Owls AFC is sure to do nothing but improve his chances of keeping his place in the Vilita side. With Helmut Vilkaus announcing an emphasis on Wings in the coming years, many expect Soler to breakthrough and take his place as the first-choice Vilitan midfielder.

[ 23 ] Antonis Siazzu [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- AM C ( AGE: 18 GOALS::SR: 3 U21: 1 REG: 0 )
Siazzu is a product of the Yeaddin Owls youth academy, moving on a fully funded loan deal to Melmondian side Titania Forests during the World Cup 19 Qualifiers. The impressive youth midfielder is one of the youngest since World Cup 13 to make a regular starting role in the Senior National Team, taking up the role during World Cup 19 Qualifiers at just 17 years of age. Working under Coach Nigel Chapman, Siazzu is apart of arguably the best midfield lineup in the entire World, taking up a central role alongside Calaesa Mitaroka, with the phenominal Inaki Soler and the always reliable Tanner Nerni on either side.

[ 20 ] Umberto Melli [ - Strike FC - ]
------- M C ( AGE: 30 GOALS::SR: 8 U21: 2 REG: 0 )
Exciting Central Midfield prospect earning a starting role for his Club team and for the Vilitan U21 side. Brilliant performances in the historical Vilitan Under-21 World Cup 3 team earned Umberto Melli his first call up to the National Team during World Cup 15. He has since quited down from all the hype that had been given of him, but Melli has stayed true to form and is still one of the most reliable midfielders in all of Vilita.

[ 26 ] Marasent Sioane [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- M RLC ( AGE: 28 GOALS::SR: 3 U21: 1 REG: 0 )
Marasent Sioane is one of the impressive youth talents bred out of the formerly productive Alikka-Corra Academy. Making his international debut in Under-21 World Cup III, Siaone's performances in Vilita's shock runner-up ride earned him a lucrative transfer to Kingsfordian club Barcoenfuego. Upon the collapse of the Kingsford pillar league, Sioane signed a one year deal with Vilitan side Turoki Isle. However, the makeshift Islanders failed to impress, and Sioane decided a home was to be found in Crosaibi, joining one of the most historic teams in all of Vilita, Marine Coast United.

[ 27 ] Jacques Vintila [ - Jlinal Cove FC - ]
------- AM C ( AGE: 24 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 1 REG: 0 )
Once tipped to change the face of Vilitan Sport, the Cednia, Turori born player made his move to the Stellar Division when signing for Jlinal Cove FC. Vintilla impressed at the Cove despite their relegation in his first season, but has cooled off recently. Vintila is the rarity at Jlinal Cove, the only Attacking Midfielder on record at Jurgen Ramzi's defensive-minded work house, but his attacking prowess has yet been able to see Jlinal Cove back to the Stellar Division

[ 55 ] Tanner Nerni [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- M RC ( AGE: 25 GOALS::SR: 4 U21: 6 REG: 3 )
The Impressive Wing Midifleder, born & raised in Turori by Vilitan parents, saw his first international action in the Atlantian Oceania Cup of Association Football. Nerni's performances at a young age in the AOCAF Cup and for Cednia Beach AFC in Turori earned him what was a then-record transfer to high-flying Yeaddin Owls AFC, a fee still only twice eclipsed, both in Vilitan Season 10. Nerni, however, has never made the impact on the National Stage, as is the case with many of the Owls stars, who seem to save their best performances for the league and never walk too far from the bench when the Teal, Orange and Navy are in action.

[ 21 ] Calaesa Mitaroka [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- M RLC ( AGE: 28 GOALS::SR: 4 U21: 2 REG: 1 )
Mitaroka's Performances for Yeaddin in Season One earned him Youth Player of the Year Honors along with Yeaddin's Stellar Division Championship in the Inagural Vilitan season. Mitaroka never developed into the powerhouse force that was expected from his early performances, but is expected to make a great coach one day do to his leadership both on and off the field at Yeaddin Owls AFC. Mitaroka has indicated he may retire from the International scene after the World Cup Finals in Turori, to concentrate on coaching and regional competitions.

FORWARDS:

[ 16 ] Callum Banda [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 31 GOALS::SR: 52 U21: 6 REG: 1 )
Sensational Striker averaging over a goal per game in the U21's remarkable Runner-Up performances in U21 WC3. First Appeared for the National team in World Cup 13 and scored the Jungle Cats first ever goal in Inter-NationStatal Competition in the 2-1 over Compound Interest. Banda set a Vilitan record by scoring 10 times during World Cup 19 Qualifying, includding his 50th career goal, both in all international competitions, and his 50th Senior-National tally with the equalizer against Tadjikistan. Banda capped off a sensational season by winning his first Vilitan Most Valuable Player award.

[ 43 ] Riccardo Appolloni [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 21 GOALS::SR: 3 U21: 6 REG: 0 )

[ 12 ] Serge DuPont [ - Arcticala Inlet - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 28 GOALS::SR: 22 U21: 8 REG: 17 )

[ 14 ] Germán Salomón [ - Arcticala Inlet - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 32 GOALS::SR: 18 U21: 3 REG: 5 )

[ 18 ] Carmine Mbidzo [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 24 GOALS::SR: 10 U21: 17 REG: 9 )

[ 17 ] Mauro Baraza [ - Eastal Lunar - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 23 GOALS::SR: 3 U21: 10 REG: 2 )

San Verdi

21-12-2004, 12:53

May I join this? It sounds quite fun!

Cockbill Street

21-12-2004, 13:01

May I join this? It sounds quite fun!

Not right now I'm afraid - we've just finished qualifiers, which every nation apart from the hosts have to go through to qualify for the finals. However, World Cup Twenty will start in a couple of weeks, and you can sign up for that here (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=377781) (along with the Baptism of Fire - a tournament to get newcomers into the swing of things):

Starblaydia

21-12-2004, 13:16

CommieZ, Britannicans and those pesky Vilitans
AO Teams dominate a Third of the World Cup Draw

Nine Wins, two Draws and three losses signals Starblaydia's best-ever qualification record, winning twenty-nine points from their fourteen matches. Though they were thumped five-one by Squornshelous and managed to not score in their final two games, this has been a very nice Qualifier for 15th-in-the-world Starblaydia.

Thirty-one goals scored and just fourteen conceeded is yet another record for Starblaydia in a Qualification group. Jakkinho and Marco Del Blanco have both surpassed Nikola "Laser" Lazerevski's tally of 15 goals in the white-and-purple. What is unsettling, however, is that Starblaydia failed to score in their last two matches against the type of teams they could easily find themselves up against in the World Cup.

Starblaydia's WC19Q Record
Match Score Starblaydi Scorers
Vs Dead Rockstars 3-0 Naoki, Hall, S Di Bradini
@ Lexmarak 4-0 Jakkinho (2), Evans, Matranga
Vs Taokoualu 2-0 Del Blanco, R Di Bradini
@ Vorpal Bunnies 4-0 Hall (2), Montefalcon, Jakkinho
@ Squornshelous 1-5 Del Blanco
@ Druida 2-2 Hall, Evans
Vs Krytenia 2-0 Tirado, Jakkinho
@ Dead Rockstars 1-2 Hall
Vs Lexmarak 4-0 Del Blanco, Matis, Matranga (2)
@ Taokoualu 3-1 Jakkinho, Hall, Naoki
Vs Vorpal Bunnies 3-0 Hall, Del Blanco, R Di Bradini
Vs Squornshelous 2-1 Evans, Del Blanco
Vs Druida 0-0 None
@ Krytenia 0-3 None

And find these types of team they did, drawing in Group B AO-Rivals Vilita, neighbours Nova Britannicus and some other team called Eauz, who claim to have won the World Cup a couple of times. So much for share and share alike. All of Atlantian Oceania (or the bits that we were in, at least) was spellbound by the thought of Starblaydia and Vilita squaring up for the first time in a competition since that Six-One hammering eight years ago in the Third AOCAF Championship.

The Nova Britannicus game will be a throwback to the Qualifiers of the last Cup, where Starblaydia beat and drew against a debutant Britannican side. The Eauz match, however, will be a complete mystery, as Starblaydia have never played against Les Bleus. Ever. At anything. Not even the International Spit-Roast Championships.

This is Starblaydia's third straight World Cup Finals, as they are placed somewhere in the teens as far as World Ranking goes. Not that we are sure which is real, as we've been quoted as anything from 14th to 18th. So don't ask us. Ring up the KPB Offices for that one. Yeah, that's right. Go bug them.

"I'm the only man who has failed to make it to a World Cup Finals in this squad," said all-round superman Simeone Di Bradini, 35, "The younger members of this team don't know what its like to miss out, so I'm going to make sure they enjoy every minute of this one, just in case they don't make it to another one."

The Belmore Family

21-12-2004, 15:57

These are all IC dates times, all matches will be generated at 9:00pm GMT

:: Group E ::

Svecia
Total n Utter Insanity
The Lowland Clans
The Belmore Family

SATURDAY 11th June 2010
15:30 Svecia Vs The Belmore Family – Belmorian International
20:30 Total n Utter Insanity Vs The Lowland Clans – Alan Belmore Tribute Stadium

WEDNESDAY 15th June 2010
20:30 Svecia Vs Total n Utter Insanity – Alan Belmore Tribute Stadium

THURSDAY 16th June 2010
18:00 The Lowland Clans Vs The Belmore Family – Belmorian International

TUESDAY 21st June 2010
20:30 Svecia Vs The Lowland Clans – Flavento Stadium
20:30 Total n Utter Insanity Vs The Belmore Family – Belmorian International

:: Group F ::

Rejistania
NEWI Cefn Druids
One Red Dot
Wella

SUNDAY 12th June 2010
18:30 Rejistania Vs Wella – Grippa International
14:30 NEWI Cefn Druids Vs One Red Dot – Flavento Stadium

FRIDAY 17th June 2010
15:30 Rejistania Vs NEWI Cefn Druids – Winter Wonder Stadium
20:30 One Red Dot Vs Wella – Grippa International

WEDNESDAY 22nd June 2010
15:30 Rejistania Vs One Red Dot – Alan Belmore Tribute Stadium
15:30 NEWI Cefn Druids Vs Wella – Winter Wonder Stadium

:: Group G ::

The Eagle's Nest
Bedistan
EL CID THE HERO
Adam Island

MONDAY 13th June 2010
15:30 The Eagle's Nest Vs Adam Island – Winter Wonder Stadium
20:30 Bedistan Vs EL CID THE HERO – Alan Belmore Tribute Stadium

SATURDAY 18th June 2010
18:00 The Eagle's Nest Vs Bedistan – Flavento Stadium

SUNDAY 19th June 2010
15:30 EL CID THE HERO Vs Adam Island – Alan Belmore Tribute Stadium

THURSDAY 23rd June 2010
20:30 The Eagle's Nest Vs EL CID THE HERO – Grippa International
20:30 Bedistan Vs Adam Island – Belmorian International

:: Group H ::

Squornshelous
Dance 2 Revolution
Jeruselem
Druida
[/center]

TUESDAY 14th June 2010
18:00 Squornshelous Vs Druida – Grippa International

WEDNESDAY 15th June 2010
15:30 Dance 2 Revolution Vs Jeruselem – Flavento Stadium

SUNDAY 19th June 2010
20:30 Squornshelous Vs Dance 2 Revolution – Winter Wonder Stadium

MONDAY 20th June
18:00 Jeruselem Vs Druida – Grippa International

FRIDAY 24th June 2010
15:30 Squornshelous Vs Jeruselem – Flavento Stadium
15:30 Dance 2 Revolution Vs Druida – Alan Belmore Tribute Stadium

And by Dates:
SATURDAY 11th June 2010
15:30 Svecia Vs The Belmore Family – Belmorian International
20:30 Total n Utter Insanity Vs The Lowland Clans – Alan Belmore Tribute Stadium

SUNDAY 12th June 2010
18:30 Rejistania Vs Wella – Grippa International
14:30 NEWI Cefn Druids Vs One Red Dot – Flavento Stadium

MONDAY 13th June 2010
15:30 The Eagle's Nest Vs Adam Island – Winter Wonder Stadium
20:30 Bedistan Vs EL CID THE HERO – Alan Belmore Tribute Stadium

TUESDAY 14th June 2010
18:00 Squornshelous Vs Druida – Grippa International

WEDNESDAY 15th June 2010
20:30 Svecia Vs Total n Utter Insanity – Alan Belmore Tribute Stadium
15:30 Dance 2 Revolution Vs Jeruselem – Flavento Stadium

THURSDAY 16th June 2010
18:00 The Lowland Clans Vs The Belmore Family – Belmorian International

FRIDAY 17th June 2010
15:30 Rejistania Vs NEWI Cefn Druids – Winter Wonder Stadium
20:30 One Red Dot Vs Wella – Grippa International

SATURDAY 18th June 2010
18:00 The Eagle's Nest Vs Bedistan – Flavento Stadium

SUNDAY 19th June 2010
15:30 EL CID THE HERO Vs Adam Island – Alan Belmore Tribute Stadium
20:30 Squornshelous Vs Dance 2 Revolution – Winter Wonder Stadium

MONDAY 20th June
18:00 Jeruselem Vs Druida – Grippa International

TUESDAY 21st June 2010
20:30 Svecia Vs The Lowland Clans – Flavento Stadium
20:30 Total n Utter Insanity Vs The Belmore Family – Belmorian International

WEDNESDAY 22nd June 2010
15:30 Rejistania Vs One Red Dot – Alan Belmore Tribute Stadium
15:30 NEWI Cefn Druids Vs Wella – Winter Wonder Stadium

THURSDAY 23rd June 2010
20:30 The Eagle's Nest Vs EL CID THE HERO – Grippa International
20:30 Bedistan Vs Adam Island – Belmorian International

FRIDAY 24th June 2010
15:30 Squornshelous Vs Jeruselem – Flavento Stadium
15:30 Dance 2 Revolution Vs Druida – Alan Belmore Tribute Stadium
TBF Stadiums:

Mussex United Stadium:
Name: Flavento (Belmorian for Panther) Stadium
Cost 59,000,000
Seats: 103,000
Completed: January 3rd 2004

The All new Mussex United Stadium purposely designed or great all round viewing. With the circular design and perfectly angled seats no-ones view will be compromised. Filled with 40 commentary boxes all around the stadium this stadium will provide stunning TV moments.
http://www.worldstadiums.com/stadium_pictures/south_america/brazil/rio_de_janeiro/rio_de_janeiro_maracana1.jpg

Alan City FC Stadium:
Name: Belmorian International
Cost 89,000,000
Seats: 100,000
Completed: January 11th 2004
Belmorian International is a real feat of design. Holding 100,000 citizens it creates a great atmosphere and will lead teams to glory as it hosts the World Cup. To the North of the stadium is a giant roster, purposely built to hold the World Cup.
http://www.worldstadiums.com/stadium_menu/past_future/pictures/future_stadiums/beijing_olympic.jpg

Faci FC Stadium:
Name: Winter Wonderstadium
Cost 49,000,000
Seats: 85,000
Completed: September 17th 2003
Located in the most Northerly region of TBF, Faci is one of the most spectacular areas for football. Consistently covered in ice of snow, the ball zips off the top testing the keepers to extreme. A place great for the stars but naf if your only average as many players found out in the BPL last season.
http://www.stadiumguide.com/espanolnew1.jpg

The Datelian Flaventoes Stadium:
Name: Alan Belmore Tribute Stdium
Cost 26,000,000
Seats: 74,400
Completed: November 13th 2003
Located in the most Southerly region of TBF right on the border with Belmorian Scandinavia this ground is punishing on the athletes taking part. With temperatures reaching up to 40 degrees Celsius lasting the whole 90 minutes is tough. With the Datelian Flaventoes being promoted to the premiership for the new season the crowd will be already to see some stars in action.
http://www.stadiumguide.com/newoaka.jpg

Alan City Grippas (Belmorian for Gecko) Stadium:
Name: Grippa International
Cost 30,000,000
Seats: 70,000
Completed: March 29th 2003
The oldest Stadium in The Belmore Family, located to the east of Alan City in the Belmorian desert. Surprisingly enough the teams that that have to endure this stadium will be treated in luxury despite being miles away from civilization.
http://www.worldstadiums.com/stadium_menu/past_future/pictures/future_stadiums/nasser_moubark.jpg

And where they are
http://www.abelmore.com/oddmap.GIF

I'm having problems with my server at the moment I'll get the map up asap

Vilita

21-12-2004, 16:07

Vilita release All-Time Stat Book

---------------------The Vilitan Football Association has for the first time made public some of it's official statistics from National and World Cup Competition. Vilita began competition in World Cup 13 and has since participated in 136 Senior International matches, as well as a plethora of Under-21 and Regional competition matches as well. The First set of Statistics released contained a full accounting of Vilitan Performance in all-competitions since the creation of the Vilitan Football Association, with Win/Draw/Loss record and goal differential for each and every competition, and a summation for each Competition History. The Vilita Jungle Cats are ( 71-26-39 ) All-Time, with 224 Goals Scored (1.65/Game) and 145 Goals Conceded (1.07/Game. The Vilita Jungle Kitties Under-21 Side are ( 24-7-14 ) All-Time with 119 Goals Scored (2.83/Game) and 64 Goals Conceded (1.52/Game). The Vilita Regional Cats are (23-5-7) All time in AOCAF Competition, never going unbeaten but posting an impressive 88 Goals Scored (2.51/Game) and 35 Goals Conceded (1.00/Game). This Brings the Vilitan Football Association all time performance record to ( 118-38-57 ) with 431 Goals Scored (2.02/Game) and 244 Goals Conceded (1.15/Game)

World Cup Quals
GF GA W D L
13Q 8 26 3 2 13
14Q 25 34 5 6 7
15Q 28 19 10 2 6
16Q 18 7 7 1 2
18Q 41 16 11 2 1
19Q 34 7 12 2 0
154 109 48 15 29

World Cup Finals
GF GA W D L
15F 2 6 0 1 2
16F 3 2 1 2 1
17F 8 6 2 1 2
18F 11 3 3 1 0
24 17 6 5 5

Other
GF GA W D L
COH 13 2 0 1 0 0
IRC 6 3 3 0 2
COH 14 14 4 6 1 1
EC III 14 8 3 3 1
EC IV 10 4 4 2 1
46 19 17 6 5

Under 21's
GF GA W D L
II 4 7 0 0 3
III 17 12 5 0 2
IV 5 9 0 1 2
V 20 7 4 2 1
VI 18 2 3 1 0
VII 18 7 5 1 1
IIX 16 11 3 0 1
IX 11 4 2 2 0
109 59 22 7 10

u21 Friendly
GF GA W D L
F 10 5 2 0 1
10 5 2 0 1

AOCAF
GF GA W D L
I 9 3 3 1 1
II 22 8 6 1 1
III 37 11 8 0 1
IV 7 7 3 2 2
V 13 6 3 1 2
88 35 23 5 7

---------------------Throughout these competitions, There have been many spectactular Individual results recorded by the various Vilitan National Teams. While the impressive Vilitan Under-21 squad and early overpowering Regional Squad have had a tendancy to record the most lopsided results, It is the World Cup 18 Qualifying squad that holds the All-Time Vilitan record with their impressive 9-0 Thrashing of Maldunia on Qualifying Matchday 11, With Callum Banda, Malovar Stokks, Serge DuPont (Hattrick), Ricky Ezis, Jurgen Ramzi and Umberto Melli all getting on the scoresheet that day. That same competition is responsible for the two highest-scoring matches in Vilitan history as well. In addition to the 9-goals put in at home to Maldunia, Vilita worked out an impressive 6-4 victory in a 10 goal thriller in Lykaia that set the stage for their impressive World Cup 18 Qualifying campaign.

Most Lopsided Results::

9 - 0 V Maldunia [ WC18Q ]
7 - 0 V The Weegies [ U21VI ]
7 - 1 V Oaker [ U21IX ]
6 - 0 V Druida [ U21VI ]
6 - 0 V Balaal [ AOCAF III ]
6 - 0 V Balaal [ AOCAF III ]
6 - 1 V Aquiliana [ AOCAF III ]
6 - 1 V Turori [ AOCAF I ]
5 - 0 V Cockbill Street [ U21VII ]
5 - 0 V Artoonia [ WC18F ]
5 - 0 V Chacor [ AOCAF V ]
5 - 0 V Krytenia [ U21V ]
5 - 0 V Pedriana [ AOCAF II ]
5 - 0 V Raptor Claw [ U21-Friendly ]

Highest Scoring Results::

6 - 4 @ Lykaia [ WC18Q ]
9 - 0 V Maldunia [ WC18Q ]
6 - 3 V Giant Zucchini [ U21VIII ]
5 - 3 V Hybredia [ U21VIII ]
7 - 1 V Oaker [ U21IX ]
4 - 4 V Liverpool England [ U21V ]
4 - 4 V Raptor Claw [ U21IV ]

The Belmore Family

21-12-2004, 16:44

Belmorian group blast from the past

After the draw last night the Belmorians have found themselves in a groupwith several famous names from the past. In fact, the combined amount of cups entered by this group is no doubt the highest out of any cup. And we have played all of these teams before. So, how do we rate our chances?

Svecia
We have played Svecia twice and things have gone very badly twice. We at first met them in World Cup 5 Qualification where an awful display by Will Edwards gave them a 3-1 victory. That defeat was ultimatly the reason why we did not qualify for WC5 then in World Cup 6 we lost to them 3-0 on the second day, but a win over Giant Zucchini saved a spot for us in the last 16. Our prediction for this match:

2-0 win to Svecia
Desipte a more lacklustre performance these days Svecia are going to walk this match and find themselves in the Round of 16 with ease.

Total n Utter Insanity
We have met the Incinians 4 times before. We have had mixed success losing 2-1 in the World Cup 6 Finals losing by the same score in the World Cup 12 Finals. Winning 1-0 in the World Cup 16 Finals and again losing 2-1 in the return leg. The Incian team have however got much better over recent times and we'll have to work hard no to lose. Our prediction:

2-1 win to Total n Utter Insanity
Well, when we've lost 2-1 3 out of 4 times, what else can we expect, no doubt TnUI will go on to do well in this cup.

The Lowland Clans
It surprised us to find that we have only played The Lowlad Clans twice before. With both in World Cup 13 we found ourselves on the nice side of a 2-0 and a 1-0 win. However things will be harder now. We no longer have a great team, but maybe we'll be able to pull something out the bag. Our predication:

1-1 Draw
We will be very upset if we don't get any points in our own cup and therefore it is expected most of our points will come from this match.

Things do look grim. But we must remember - We are at home and anything can happen with magic of the World Cup!

The Lowland Clans

21-12-2004, 18:08

GRAHAM CITY SUN - World Cup Preview
We Challenge the Ketchup Times!

GRAHAM CITY - Today ladies and gentlemen, we here at the Graham City Sun do hereby challenge the monopoly the Melmondian paper of the Ketchup Times has on World Cup Previews. We unleash the most colourful, the most in-depth preview currently published by a World Cup Newspaper! Today ladies and gentlemen, we present you with the first annual GRAHAM CITY SUN WORLD CUP PREVIEW!

Turori
Group A

The first team covered in our preview is the Ians of Iansisle. Despite the high ranking, these guys had a lackluster qualifying (8-1-3) in a group that they easily should have won. Luckily, they are in an equally easy group this time around. So long as their luck holds...

The host nation of Turori is perhaps one of the strongest sides in this cup. Though ranked only 14, they are perhaps the strongest side here, up there with even Rejistania and their governers, Vilita. They will take this group and possibly eve hit the quarter finals.

Tadjikistan used to be another strong, quality side, but are on the way down. Their qualifying group was painstakingly easy, much like Iansisle, but only managed a 8-2-4 record. This maybe their last World Cup, and don't expect to see them qualifying again.

Shonar Bangla are an up-and-coming squad with come good talent that will see them through perhaps next cup, but these guys just don't have the raw talent yet to get through this time around. Watch for them to be a darkhorse though.

Predicted Group A Finish
1. Turori (14)
2. Iansisle (2)
3. Shonar Bangla (61)
4. Tadjikistan (25)

Matchday Score Predictions
MD1: Iansisle 1 - 0 Shonar Bangla; Turori 3 - 1 Tadjikistan
MD2: Iansisle 2 - 3 Turori; Tadjikistan 0 - 2 Shonar Bangla
MD3: Iansisle 1 - 1 Tadjikistan; Turori 2 - 1 Shonar Bangla

Group B

A yes, we all remember the lovely Jungle Kitties (*wink*) of Vilita, once some might talky n00bs, but now, they are a football powerhouse. These guys will easily take this group, but they will have some difficulty. Watch for some very close games, especially with Starblaydia. Qualifying Record: 12-2-0

Ah oui, les Blues d'Eauz, les communistes francais. Je pense qu'ils vont avait une bonne coupe, mais je pense qu'ils vont avait des difficultes avec Starblaydia, et doit etre tres soigneux avec eux. Qualifying Record: 8-2-2

Starblaydia, hosts of the next World Cup, will have their work cut out for them in this tough, tough group. Had they been drawn in group A or H, they might have had a chance. But most likely, they won't be going on. Watch for an upset over Eauz, it maybe coming your way. Qualifying Record: 9-2-3

The Navies of Nova Britannicus got seriously shafted in this group. In most other groups, they would've gotten some valuable experience and possibly even finished third. But in this group, they will get thrashed pretty badly, but watch for them next cup. Qualifying Record: 9-0-5

Predicted Group B Finish
1. Vilita (5)
2. Eauz (9)
3. Starblaydia (18)
4. Nova Britannicus (45)

Matchday Score Predictions
MD1: Vilita 3 - 0 Nova Britannicus; Eauz 1 - 1 Starblaydia
MD2: Vilita 1 - 0 Eauz; Starblaydia 2 - 1 Nova Britannicus
MD3: Vilita 2 - 1 Starblaydia; Eauz 2 - 0 Nova Britannicus

Group C

Audioslavia blazed through qualifying (11-3-0) and will blaze through this group as well. Though pretty darned talented, this group will not be able to hold up unto the marching Audioslavian team. Look for them in the finals.

Commerce Heights is a failry good squad this year. Though they could've had a better qualifying run (9-1-4), they could very easily take the second spot, but should run into some tough competition from Cockbill Street, who was also in their qualifying group. They'd better have their bribe money ready...

Who's Lovisa? I'm not toally sure how these guys have managed to get themselves up this far, but they aren't getting anywhere in this group. Despite a strong qualifying (9-1-2), they shouldn't do much here, too much strong competition.

Cockbill Street is back in the World Cup. Bought time I say too, they've always had a pretty talented side. Despite some lackluster play during qualifying (8-4-2), these guys seriously challenged both Commerce Heights and Svecia. Watch them to provide a possible upset against Commerce Heights.

Predicted Group C Finish
1. Audioslavia (3)
2. Commerce Heights (17)
3. Cockbill Street (28)
4. Lovisa (19)

Matchday Score Predictions
MD1: Audioslavia 2 - 0 Cockbill Street; Commerce Heights 3 - 1 Lovisa
MD2: Audioslavia 1 - 0 Commerce Heights; Lovisa 2 - 3 Cockbill Street
MD3: Audioslavia 2 - 1 Lovisa; Comerce Heights 2 - 2 Cockbill Street

Group D

Despite Kaze Progressa's rather dissapointing qualifying (8-2-4), the defending runners-up are a really good squad this year, and may even return to the finals. This group will challenge them though, and their performance against lower ranked Sarzonia should be an indication of their potential this year.

Ah, the Fearless Farmers of Melmond. These guys have had some tough luck recently, but in this weaker group, they should advance, but watch for a tough challenge from Sarzonia. Qualifying Record: 7-3-2

Crystilakere, despite it's reliatively high ranking, is the weakes team in this group. These guys will falter against the strong Sarzonian side, who will defeat them handily in MD2. Qualifying Record: 7-3-2

Sarzonia is another up-and-coming squad who come WCXXI, could challenge for the cup. Despite a pretty tough group in qualifying (8-1-5) group, these guys performed well and will surprise everyone here. Look for a strong quarterfinals showing next time around, and then, the star's the limits ;)

Predicted Group D Finish
1. Kaze Progressa (4)
2. Melmond (13)
3. Sarzonia (32)
4. Crystilakere (20)

Predicted Matchday Scores
MD1: Kaze Progressa 2 - 0 Sarzonia; Melmond 3 - 1 Crystilakere
MD2: Kaze Progressa 1 - 1 Melmond; Crystilakere 1 - 2 Sarzonia
MD2: KazeProgressa 3 - 1 Crystalikere; Melmond 2 - 1 Sarzonia

The Belmore Family
Group E

To open up our Belmore Family competitors, comes Svecia. While a pretty strong team, especially in qualifying (10-0-4), these guys seem to have what it takes. But our on site reporters tell us that these guys just lack something, one of those intagibles that great teams have. These guys look to dissapoint this tiem around.

Oh the insanity. Total n' Utter Insanity is the strongest side in this group, and wil play that way. Despite constantly being thwarted for playing in the final, these guys should make it this time around. Even with a bumpy qualifying (9-1-4), where they finished behind Wella, these guys will take the group, but watch for a strong challenge from our side as they race to the top.

Ah, good old home cooking. The Stars of The Lowland Clans get drawn in another, tough, tough group. But After fixing a slightly bumpy road in qualifying (9-1-4), and going for a 8 game unbeaten streak, they look to continue that with a tie against the Insacians. With Terry Fleury at the helm, watch for a quarter-final birth this time around.

The other, not so lucky hosts. A relatively weak side, The Belmore Family won't be going anywhere, even with the traditional host bonus. These guys haven't done well in cups past, and haven't qualified for two straight cups. Against this strong group, what amkes you think they'll even win?

Predicted Group E Finish
1. Total n Utter Insanity (12)
2. The Lowland Clans (21)
3. Svecia (8)
4. The Belmore Family (37)

Predicted Matchday Scores
MD1: Total n Utter Insanity 2 - 2 The Lowland Clans; Svecia 1 - 1 The Belmore Family
MD2: Svecia 2 - 3 Total n Utter Insanity; The Lowland Clans 3 - 1 The Belmore Family
MD3: Svecia 0 - 2 The Lowland Clans; Total n Utter Insanity 2 - 1 The Belmore Family

Group F

The Orange-Blues of Rejistania, reigning number 1 and champions, are the best team at this tournament, no questions asked. But will these guys continue to the final? They will have to prove themselves THE best, and if they do, they will take home this trophy this year and for the forseeable future. Qualifying Record: 8-1-3

Ah, the NEWI Cefn Druids, once coined the 'unluckiest team ever,' now seem to have found that Margaret inspired touch. With a strong qualifying (9-0-5) , a talented squad, and excellent managerial staff, these guys are going to challenge Rejistania when they play MD2.

One Red Dot is back in the competition after some pretty heinous play on their part. After a long period of their abscense from the World Cup scene, these guys are back, and they aren't shabby. After an excellent qualifying (7-5-0) in a tough group (Melmond, The Eagles Nest, and Fmjphoenix), these guys are out to prove they're no push-overs. Watch for them to potentially upset the Druids and knock 'em out.

Wella are the biggest flukes this side of Lykaia. When faced with some serious competition in a serious tournament, these guys will shrink down to the toads they truly are. Wella. Wella.

Predicted Group F Finish
1. Rejistania (1)
2. NEWI Cefn Druids (15)
3. One Red Dot (25)
4. Wella (35)

Predicted Matchday Scores
MD1: Rejistania 4 - 0 Wella; NEWI Cefn Druids 2 - 1 One Red Dot
MD2: Rejistania 2 - 1 NEWI Cefn Druids; One Red Dot 2 - 0 Wella
MD3: Rejistania 3 - 2 One Red Dot; NEWI Cefn Druids 3 - 0 Wella

Group G ::

The Eagle's Nest will be looking for revenge after a pretty horrid qualifying (6-2-4). These guys will be powered up and ready to rip into some low-ranking flesh via Adam Island and EL CID THE HERO. These guys may not finish on top, but they will give Bedistan a serious fight for first place.

Bedistan is also out fuming after being drawn in the second pot for the first time in a very long time. After being beat out by a pretty horrid Lovisa side for the top spot in their qualifying (6-2-4) group, they will have more fuel on their fire as this group maybe the only contested #1 spot in all the WC.

EL CID THE HERO NEEDS TO LEARN TO TEARN OF THE CAPS LOCK. DESPITE HIS DOWN RIGHT LUCKY PERFORMANCE IN QUALIFYING (12-1-1), HE WILL NOT MAKE IT ANYWHERE. TURN OFF THE CAPS PLEASE, REMEMBER THE CHILDREN.

Adam Island is one Margaret favored team, especially after beating Rejistania in qualifying. These guys have one talented young squad, but their youth will be their downfall. Lokk for them competing with Sarzonia in the next couple of years for the cup.

Predicted Group G Finish
1. Bedistan (16)
2. The Eagle's Nest (7)
3. Adam Island (46)
4. EL CID THE HERO (22)

Predicted Matchday Scores
MD1: The Eagle's Nest 2 - 1 Adam Island; Bedistan 3 - 0 EL CID THE HERO
MD2: The Eagle's Nest 1 - 2 Bedistan; EL CID THE HERO 1 - 4 Adam Island
MD3: The Eagle's Nest 5 - 1 EL CID THE HERO; Bedistan 2 - 1 Adam Island

Group H

This group is perhaps the easiest out of all eight groups this cup around. With only one serious contender, and that would be Squornshelous. After a great qualifying (11-1-2), these guys are ready to take on the world and get a at least semi-birth if not possibly a finals as well.

This team is a great one, but missing that intagible feeling as well. No doubt about it, Dance 2 Revolution has a great squad, with some excellent talent on there, but these guys just don't have that leadership core that teams like Rejistania or Bedistan. Despite good qualifying (8-3-3), these guys are iffy to get into past the group stage.

Wow, the Crusaders of Jeruselem are still around? heck, that's quite a long time. But these guys don't have what it takes, they just have to many holes to compete on this level. Average qualifying (8-2-2), and that maybe their last average record for some time. Game over ladies and gents for these fellas.

The Rainbows of Druida aren't quite the underdog in this group. Despite being the lowest ranked side in the goup, we're tipping them to finish second. Why? Because after a good qualifying run (8-2-4) considering the group, these guys have the intagibles of leadership and good mangerial staff. Look for them to possibly challenge a potentially dormant Squornshelous as well.

Predicted Group H Finish
1. Squornshelous (6)
2. Druida (30)
3. Dance 2 Revolution(10)
4. Jeruselem (26)

Predicted Matchday Score
MD1: Squornshelous 2 - 1 Druida; Dance 2 Revolution 3 - 1 Jeruselem
MD2: Squornshelous 3 - 0 Dance 2 Revolution; Jeruselem 0 - 2 Druida
MD3: Squornshelous 3 - 1 Jeruselem; Dance 2 Revolution 1 - 2 Druida

Svecia

21-12-2004, 19:12

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

BEGINNING OF ROAD FOR LIGHTNING
Placement in Group 1 Draws Tanah Burung, Kingsford
Tisdag, 2 Juni

World Cup Group E
SVECIA
THE BELMORE FAMILY
TOTAL AND UTTER INSANITY
THE LOWLAND CLANS

With the World Cup finals finally here, the Vilämna Dagens Nyheter takes a brief look at Svecia's group.

Despite many foreign news sources predicting Svecia to fall flat on their faces, the VDN in conjunction with the Svecikan Voetbal Bond would like to point out that although this team has age and may seem to lack a certain drive, there is no reason to overlook the cohesion and ease this team shows when they play together.

The first match against The Belmore Family takes place in the 100.000 seat Belmorian International Stadium. The home field advantage for the Belmorians will give them quite an edge, although 20.000 seats have been reserved for the orange clad Lightning fanatics. Still, with 4/5 of the stadium cheering for the home side and probably another 200.000+ outside the stadium, the atmosphere will be electrically charged - a perfect atmosphere for the Lightning to strike and stun the partisan crowd. By the end of the match we're looking for the only noise to be coming from the orange section.

Total and Utter Insanity should give Svecia a good challenge, something the Lightning seem to have buckled under when they overestimate their opponants. Matt de Fijts has been preparing his players for this sure to be intense match up in the 74.400 seat Alan Belmore Tribute Stadium.

This group should come down to the final match day, and for Svecia this means a look at The Lowland Clans. To be played in another large stadium (103.000 seat Flavento Stadium), this will be quite a game. Look for a wild bunch of fans to attend this one. The stadium will be rocking.

Vilita

21-12-2004, 19:21

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Vilita in Best Finals Group of All-Time

---------------The Vilita Jungle Cats have been drawn in what is arguably the best World Cup Finals group of All-Time, although they will have hard work ahead of them if they are to escape from this Ultimate-Group of Death with a place in the Second Round of the World Cup 19 Finals. Vilita find themselves entering the World Cup 19 Finals with a rank of #5 in the world, lower than what they had going into World Cup 19, despite posting the best record throughout the Qualifying stage, going unbeaten with a 12-2-0 record. The Jungle Cats recently announced their Final Squad roster for the Finals, which surprisingly did not list the always-reliable Jonathon Stott. Stott, who plays for Arcticala Inlet after a move away from Yeaddin Owls AFC, was overlooked in favor of a pair of current Yeaddin wingers, Inaki Soler and Tanner Nerni. Head Coach Helmut Vilkaus will return for his 5th consecutive World Cup Finals, but it is believed that Vilkaus has been told that If he does not lead the team to a place in the Semi-Finals, he will find himself on the outside looking in when World Cup 20 comes accross the river to Druida & Starblaydia in Four Years time.

---------------Preliminary Reports from The Lowland Clans still consider Vilita favorites to go through from Group B, projecting 3 consecutive victories to see the Jungle Cats to Round 2 and a potentially colossal World Cup Final Super Knockout Clash between Vilita and the Turori Eels, hosts of the competition just off Vilita's North Eastern shoreline (Yeaddin Region). Lowland Clans analysts believe the Jungle Cats stiffest opposition in Group B will come in the form of Long Time Rivals Starblaydia. The blades are the only team that Vilita has faced directly in competition, however Coach Helmut Vilkaus has assured the Vilitan faithful that both Eauz and Nova Britannicus are no stranger to the Vilitan staff, working with the Football Association of Turori, who has in the past upset Eauz on the way to their Eagle's Cup III Championship. The Jungle Cats will be very familiar with Eauz National Goalkeeper Michel Rousoi, the starter for Vilitan side Jungle Strike FC, and well known to the entire Vilitan lineup. There will be no surprises when he goes against many of his teammates and leaguemates on Matchday 2. Vilita and Starblaydia first met in Qualifying for World Cup 15, in the first match ever for the Starblaydian side. Vilita handed the Blades their first defeat in what has been a fairly even matchup over the years, the most recent clashes coming in Eagles Cup III where the two teams drew 1-1 before a final 4-0 Victory for Vilita saw the end of the Jean-Paul Giorgis Ringoux era in Starblaydia. J.P. is now head coach of Vilita's other Group B opposition, Nova Britannicus.

Vilita V. Group B (All Time - All Competitions)

4 - 0 V Starblaydia [ Eagles Cup III ]
1 - 1 V Starblaydia [ Eagles Cup III ]
1 - 6 V Starblaydia [ AOCAF III ]
1 - 0 V Starblaydia [ IRC ]
1 - 2 V Starblaydia [ Under-21 Friendly ]
2 - 3 V Starblaydia [ World Cup 15 Qualifying ]
2 - 1 V Starblaydia [ World Cup 15 Qualifying ]

Shonar Bangla

21-12-2004, 19:42

:: Group A ::
Venue: Almintora National Stadium, Almintora, Turori

Iansisle
Turori
Tadjikistan
Shonar Bangla

With the release of the second round groups of World Cup XIX, many nations expressed discontent at the groupings, claiming corruption and match-fixing. However, the Shonar Bangla camp remained relatively quiet about everything.

"We are little kids in the big boys' hood over here, we have no clue about the opposing teams, so whichever grouping we get, we'd have gone in with a fresh outlook. So, no conspiracy charges here, we are happy to be where we are," explained coach Rana Ali. On being asked about team preparations, Ali replied, "The boys are well rested and we are playing with a full team at Turori. Thankfully, nobody got injured during the Qualifiers, so thank God."

The team flies out to Almintora city of Turori, where they will face second-ranked Iansisle at the Almintora National Stadium. At best, a third spot is predicted in this tough Group A.

Dance 2 Revolution

21-12-2004, 20:14

Old 'Friends' for D2R Landmark

Dance 2 Revolution's 150th International Match will be against Jeruselem

D2R are looking forward to this group, and have got a lot to prove to the World Cup, despite being ranked 10th. They have only done anything decent in WC17, when, after a long string of upsets, they came head to head with the #1 team in the world Rejistania, and held them until late on in Extra Time.

Previous Results

Squornshelous

2nd Group Stage Day 3: Dance 2 Revolution 4 – 2 Squornshelous

With the only one meeting between these two pointing in D2R's direction, you may fancy D2R's chances. But many will know that the result angered many Squornshelous officials and players, and that anger might just drive through the ambition of the Revolutionaries

All Time Record: 1-0-0
Predicted Scoreline: 2-2 Draw

Jeruselem

Day 2: Dance 2 Revolution 1 – 2 Jeruselem
Day 9: Jeruselem 2 - 2 Dance 2 Revolution

We may have annoyed these people too. Taking their place in the playoffs in the final matchday of WC17. To be honest, Dance 2 Revolution should just about manage the 3 points from these guys, but you never know.

All Time Record: 1-1-0
Predicted Scoreline: 2-1 Win

Druida

No previous matches with this team. Billed to be a 'shocker' in the group by many because of D2R's 'Lack of a driving leadership'. Again, you can never tell now-a-days

All Time Record 0-0-0
Predicted Scoreline: 3-1 Win

Adam Island

21-12-2004, 20:15

WC Draw: Group G

May 1985 - The Belmore Family The Group Draw for Round 2 of the World Cup XIX has completed, and Adam Island has been placed in Group G, which will play matches in The United Socialist States of The Belmore Family. AI's new KPB Rank is #46, making them the second-lowest team to qualify for the Cup. They will join The Eagle's Nest (7), Bedistan (16), and EL CID THE HERO (22).

Although AI has the lowest rank in their group, The Lowland Clans' GRAHAM CITY SUN predicts in their World Cup Preview that AI will finish third, ahead of EL CID THE HERO.

"It doesn't even bother me," manager Deidra Gowin told reporters when asked about the team's chances in Group G, "we're just thrilled to make it this far, and no matter what happens, this team has put Adam Island on the football map, and we should be proud." The players were unavaliable for comment, as they were busy preparing in the room affectionally nicknamed 'The Torture Chamber.'

The team will spend the week in The Belmore Family, and will return on the weekend to play on their teams in the AIFA, where Adamsburgh leads Division 1. The players and the fans should fit in well in TBF, despite the rampant socialism. They are considered a world benchmark for human rights, and have one of the lowest crime rates on the planet. Adam Islanders also plan to tour some of the lush rainforests that are scattered throughout the country.

Here is Adam Island's schedule for the World Cup. Dates and times are on The Belmore Family clock. Actual play is estimated in the summer of this year.

MONDAY 13th June 2010
15:30 The Eagle's Nest Vs Adam Island – Winter Wonder Stadium (100,000 seats)

SUNDAY 19th June 2010
15:30 EL CID THE HERO Vs Adam Island – Alan Belmore Tribute Stadium (74,400 seats)

THURSDAY 23rd June 2010
20:30 Bedistan Vs Adam Island – Belmorian International (85,000 seats)

Vilita

21-12-2004, 20:17

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Adjei suspended from National Team

------------------Vilitan National Team coach Helmut Vilkaus has informed Under-21 Forward Julei Adjei that he will not be so much as considered for the Senior Vilitan squad until he is cleared of all charges from the Total n Utter Federal Bureau of Investigation. Adjei will likely have to settle for a career battling the ever-strengthening Atlantian Oceania contengent in the Atlantian Oceania Cup of Association Football if a resolution does to come quickly in his favor.

------------------The Vilitan Football Association is requesting all Nations who may have had a player or fan implicated in this scandal to assist the Total n Utter Federal Bureau of Investigation in finding the true culprit in this wild ring of falsified identification cards.

Official Schedule Released

------------------The Vilitan FA has released it's official World Cup 19 Finals schedule after venue confirmation from the Football Association of Turori. The opening matchup will see the Jungle Cats square off against Nova Britannicus in Cednia Beach, Turori at the Cednia Beach center. There are expected to be a large contingent of Navy Blue supporters, so fans are encouraged to buy as many "neutral supporter" tickets as possible by taking the short boat ride from Yeaddin to Cednia Beach. Those in the Southern and Western parts of Vilita can order tickets from the Vilitan Football Association now. The second matchup will also take place at the Cednia Beach Center, although fans are encouraged to purchase tickets through the Vilitan FA for this match, as there will be a larger allocation due to the lack of Eauzian Nationals expected to make the trip to Turori. It has been confirmed that the 3rd and final match against Die-Hard rivals Starblaydia will NOT take place behind closed doors, but will take place in a heavily policed National Stadium in Almintora, Turori. The match will follow the Group A finale between Turori and Shonar Bangla, which is expected to be an easy win for the Eels. There will be Heavy sectioning in place for the Starblaydia match, reducing stadium capacity by 15%. All tickets must be purchased in advance, there will be no tickets available on match day. All tickets must be purchased through the Vilitan Football Association and not through Almintora National Ticket Office.

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Finals Matches:
M01: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] Nova Britannicus
M02: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] Eauz
M03: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] Starblaydia
-----------

The Belmore Family

21-12-2004, 20:21

Children of Alan City prepare for TBF to open the Belmorian show

Disadvantaged children all over the streets of Alan City are today going through their dress rehersal for Saturday's Belmorian openening ceremony when TBF face off against Svecia. Though it is not the opening match of the tournament the Belmorian organisers have promised the crowds a Belmorian opening ceremony for the bottom half of the draw.

The exact details of the ceremony are under wraps and the producers promise to keep it short and sweet. It is expected to look a bit at Belmorian History and that of the entire NationStates World. Prime Minister Alan Belmore and Minister for Sport Hugh Chapman are expected to feature highly as are the world renound Belmorian pop group Tipin.

However the main bulk of the show is expected to be based around the appearence of 1000 under privillaged children from Alan City. Among them will be orphans from the Imallis train disaster, children saved by the Belmorian Institute Against Child Abuse (BIACA) and several children taken off the streets and away from drugs by the Church's Homelsss Mission. It's nice to know, among all the stories of government corruption, there is good in this country.

Eauz

21-12-2004, 20:42

Le LIBRE

Schedule and Match Day 1 Preview

Today, the schedule for the cup was released, with it being in favour of Eauz. In the past, Les Bleus have been faced up against the top team on the last match day, which had dire consequences. This time, they will play the top team during match day two.

Below is the schedule for Group B…

Match Day 1: Vilita vs. Nova Britannicus & Eauz vs. Starblaydia
Match Day 2: Vilita vs. Eauz & Starblaydia vs. Nova Britannicus
Match Day 3: Vilita vs. Starblaydia & Eauz vs. Nova Britannicus

Match Day one pits Eauz up against Starblaydia, who ended up qualifying in second play in their group. This team has been slowly improving and finally qualified for World Cup 17, and again for World Cup 18. This team looks to prove it is not a shove over, as it is faced up against top teams Vilita & Eauz. This match will be a big mystery, as neither team has faced each other in any sort of sporting event. As for fans, Eauz is expected to receive a lot of fan support, as many of them have bought tickets to watch their team. One would expect the fans would play a part in this match.

Some Predictions for this match by experts:

Vilitan Sports Experts: Eauz 2 – 1 Starblaydia
Starblaydi Sports Experts: Eauz 6 – 7 Starblaydia
Le Libre Sports Experts : Eauz 1 – 1 Starblaydia

More information after the match.

Melmond

21-12-2004, 20:45

Melmond Draws Group D: Reaction
By Henry Kalangalangalang of the Melmond City Herald

MLIONA-LPAKA, TURORI—The Fearless Farmers are experiencing a little bit of déjà vu from their first two experience in the World Cup finals upon hearing of the drawing of the groups. Just like the last World Cup in Eauz, they have drawn to be in Group D. However, the opponents harkens more back to the first time Melmond was in the World Cup. As for the Melmond side themselves, after a rather strong qualifying session, the Fearless Farmers are being much ballyhooed in their home nation to be World Cup contenders. Onlookers claim that they see the wonderful combination of the desire of the World Cup 17 squad and the pure talent of the World Cup 18 side which barely missed the Round of 16. The side is at full strength and Manager David Bixler has them focused on the task at hand. And now let us look at our opponents in this familiar seeming group.

The literally familiar opponent is the very strong side of Kaze Progressa. The Progressans almost won their first ever World Cup last time around as they barely lost to Rejistania in the final. They have one of their most talented sides in recent memory. Nonetheless, this side seems prime for a letdown as they have two hungry sides in Melmond and Sarzonia nipping at their heels. They seem like they will be the Commerce Heights of World Cup 17 in this group.

Crystilakere definitely seems to be the World Cup 17 Dennisov of this group. They are certainly the most unspectacular side of the group, but they are a side that could pull of an upset like the Dennisov side did. Unlike the Dennisov side, they seem to get high rankings for doing relatively little. Definitely the underdogs of the group.

Sarzonia is a side that if one overlooks them, this side will probably wipe the floor with you. This side reminds of a side that we are very familiar with, the Melmond World Cup 17 side which finished in third place. The Sarzonian side may not have the raw talent of that side, but consider this: Sarzonia is a side which long suffered unluckiness during qualifying despite fielding rather talented sides and good managing. They have finally made it the World Cup and will seize this moment.

The Prediction
1. Melmond
2. Sarzonia
3. Kaze Progressa
4. Crystilakere

Melmond World Cup Schedule (all in Turori)

v Crystilakere (Iobabao Legendary Park, Mliona-Lpaka)
v Kaze Progressa (Iobabao Legendary Park, Mliona-Lpaka)
v Sarzonia (Kionao Park, Kionao)

Next Game
vs. Crystilakere (Iobabao Legendary Park, Mliona-Lpaka)

Well, this seems to certainly be the must win match for the Fearless Farmers if they plan on advancing anywhere further in the World Cup. Sarzonia and Kaze Progressa seems to be a much bigger challenge than the Crystils, so Melmond should go all out and take advantage of it and get three points. Melmond has dominated the meetings between these two sides. Everything points to a Fearless Farmer victory, but never take anything for granted, and needless to say Manager David Bixler will make sure they do not take anything for granted. Here is the starting lineup.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Notint Hecloset
D- Veronica Dean
D- Charles Unne
D- Trav Strachan
M- Peeko Noodleschlausen
M- Alfred Smith
M- Pauline Hulme
M- Jake Cormier
F- Gene MacDougall
F- Tim Remans

For tickets to Turori and the match, call the Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. There are few tickets reserved so call very soon!!! Although being a colony of Vilita, Turori has a unique culture of its own, although the living conditions aren’t nearly as good due to their naïve socialist economic ideals. Nice people though anyway on this island.

The Belmore Family

21-12-2004, 20:55

Turori IC schedule

:: Group A ::
Venue: Almintora National Stadium, Almintora, Turori

Iansisle
Turori
Tadjikistan
Shonar Bangla

FRIDAY 10th June 2010
20:30 Turori Vs Tadjikistan - Almintora National Stadium

SATURDAY 11th June 2010
18:00 Iansisle Vs Shonar Bangla - Almintora National Stadium

THURSDAY 16th June 2010
20:30 Iansisle Vs Turori - Almintora National Stadium
15:30 Tadjikistan Vs Shonar Bangla - Almintora National Stadium

TUESDAY 21st June 2010
15:30 Iansisle Vs Shonar Bangla - Almintora National Stadium
15:30 Tadjikistan Vs Iansisle - Cednia Beach Center

:: Group B ::
Venue: Cednia Beach Center, Cednia Beach, Turori

Vilita
Eauz
Starblaydia
Nova Britannicus

SUNDAY 12th June 2010
16:30 Vilita Vs Nova Britannicus - Cednia Beach Center
20:30 Eauz Vs Starblaydia - Cednia Beach Center

FRIDAY 17th June 2010
18:00 Vilita Vs Eauz - Cednia Beach Center

SATURDAY 18th June 2010
15:30 Starblaydia Vs Nova Britannicus - Cednia Beach Center

WEDNESDAY 22nd June 2010
20:30 Vilita Vs Starblaydia - Cednia Beach Center
20:30 Eauz Vs Nova Britannicus - Almintora National Stadium

:: Group C ::
Venue: Kionao Park, Kionao Region, Turori

Audioslavia
Commerce Heights
Lovisa
Cockbill Street

MONDAY 13th June 2010
18:00 Audioslavia Vs Cockbill Street - Kionao Park

TUESDAY 14th June 2010
15:30 Commerce Heights Vs Lovisa - Kionao Park

SATURDAY 18th June 2010
20:30 Audioslavia Vs Commerce Heights - Kionao Park

SUNDAY 19th June 2010
18:00 Lovisa Vs Cockbill Street - Kionao Park

THURSDAY 23rd June 2010
15:30 Audioslavia Vs Lovisa - Kionao Park
15:30 Cockbill Street Vs Commerce Heights - Iobabao Legendary Park

:: Group D ::
Venue: Iobabao Legendary Park, Mliona-Lpaka, Turori

Kaze Progressa
Melmond
Crystilakere
Sarzonia

TUESDAY 14th June 2010
20:30 Kaze Progressa Vs Sarzonia - Iobabao Legendary Park

WEDNESDAY 15th June
18:00 Melmond Vs Crystilakere - Iobabao Legendary Park

MONDAY 20th June 2010
15:30 Kaze Progressa Vs Melmond - Iobabao Legendary Park
20:30 Crystilakere Vs Sarzonia - Iobabao Legendary Park

FRIDAY 24th June 2010
20:30 Kaze Progressa Vs Crystilakere - Iobabao Legendary Park
20:30 Melmond Vs Sarzonia - Kionao Park

Sarzonia

21-12-2004, 21:03

World Cup Preview Show: Group D

Hi everyone, I'm Lloyd Clark from Woodstock's Channel 14, the capital's spot for sports news. With me is the coach of the "B" team of Sarzonian football, Bryson Juergens. Juergens also played with the first couple of World Cup teams that fell just short of qualifying. Bryson, first of all, welcome to the show, it's great to have you here.
Juergens: Thanks, Lloyd. It's nice to be here in the studio.
Clark: Tell me, what how do you see the Stars prospects in Group D.
Juergens: Tell you what, it's going to be a tough group. Kaze Progressa lost to Rejistania in the finals last year by one goal and we know how tough the Orange-Blues are. That's going to be a tough way to open the World Cup for the Stars.
Clark: Crystilakere seems to be everyone's whipping boys in our group for some reason. You know and I know they're not an easy side to play. I still have memories of that first match we played against them. Didn't we win that first game?
Juergens: Right, we did. Sarzonia won 3-2 in its international debut. They weren't expected to challenge Crystilakere at all and they ended up beating the Crystils out of a semifinals berth in the first AOCAF tournament. Anyway, that's going to be the must-win match if we're to get anything positive from the World Cup.
Clark: That AOCAF history's a whole other story. What about Melmond?
Juergens: They're going to be a tough nut for us to crack. They finished in third place a couple of cups ago and they're looking to rebound after missing out on the second round the last time out. We need to be ready for them to throw everything they've got at us.
Clark: How do you see the standings?
Juergens: I think Melmond and Kaze Progressa are going to advance from our group and I think we'll end up tied with Crystilakere with a draw. We might be better than the Crystils on goal differential, but that's it.
Clark: I'm going to have to disagree with you on the order. I think Kaze Progressa win the group and Melmond finish second. I don't see the Stars even scoring a goal against any of those teams. It's three and done for the Stars. Well, there you have it folks, we made our predictions, now a word from the Portland Iron Works seasonal employment agency.

Crystilakere

21-12-2004, 21:04

Crystils drawn in Group D

The Crystilakere Crystils were handed another dream group draw for the World Cup 19 finals after learning that they would be up against regional neighbors Sarzonia. Sarzonia will be making their World Cup Finals debut, and the Crystils would like to welcome them to the big show with a crashing defeat on Matchday 2. This draw comes after a dissapointing World Cup Qualifying, where despite winning an un-spectactular group, the Crystils could not sweep their Oceaice rivals, falling to the pirate nation and splitting the first series between the teams.

The Crystils are looking to improve on a dissapointing World Cup 18 Finals appearance, where they failed to claim a place in the second round. Crystilakere coach Hazem Emam believes that this is the Crystils breakthrough year, and hopes to see his side upset Melmond & Kaze Prorgressa to take the top spot in the group. Emam also indicated he was delighted to have been drawn in Turori as he feels a regional home-field advantage will better than none in giving his side the optimum support it will need come match day.

Group D

Kaze Progressa
Melmond
Crystilakere
Sarzonia

Svecia

21-12-2004, 21:18

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

LIGHTNING TO PLAY IN OPENING CEREMONY: PART II
Players, fans excited to take part in Belmorian presentation

- The SVB received word today that its opening World Cup match would be preceeded by a set of opening ceremonies presented by The Belmore Family in honor of the opening match of the World Cup in TBF.

The official opening ceremonies will take place in Turori, but not wanting to feel left out, TBF will also appease its fans with their own set of events.

Asked how he felt about playing not only the hosts of the tournament, but playing them in the opening match after a show that's sure to get the home crowd riled up, head coach Matt de Fijts replied, "We're sure to be shocked and awed by the display of pagentry on the field before our opening match with TBF, but our players have been around a while and are used to being in the spotlight, or not as the case may be here with all the eyes on the host team."

"I'm really looking forward to playing in that atmosphere" said goalkeeper Piet van Meer. "I've played in a lot of stadia before, but I'm always feel great when our defense turns back a great attack by the home team and you hear all the OHHs."

Jan S. of Mittelborg, a Svecia fan who will be attending the match, said: "I really can't wait to go see them [the Lightning] play. I've never been to an international match before and what better atmosphere than to see the hosts play us! I just bought a Lightning scarf the other day and have been wearing it everywhere." In response to the fact that he will be seeing an opening ceremony he said: "Well thats just going to be a little icing. I really didnt pay 300H to see that, I payed it to see Mikael Solskjaer and company in person."

The 20.000 tickets allotted to the Svecikan Voetball Bond for their fans for this opening match have already been sold out, as have those for the Total and Utter Insanity game, but there are still about 7.000 left for the last match against The Lowlands Clan.

Eauz

21-12-2004, 21:23

Well, i was a bit bored, and though, why not find out what type of a Real Life World Cup would we have, for NationStates World Cup 19. As for ranks, they can be different for each organization, but I am using ELO ranks: http://www.eloratings.net/world.html

Below are the groups:

Group A
France (Iansisle)
Ireland (Turori)
Norway(Tadjikistan)
Scotland (Shonar Bangla)

Group B
England (Vilita)
Portugal (Eauz)
Australia (Starblaydia)
Ecuador (Nova Britannicus)

Group C
Czechia (Audioslavia)
Croatia (Commerce Heights)
United States (Lovisa)
Paraguay (Cockbill Street)

Group D
Brazil (Kaze Progressa)
Sweden (Melmond)
Uruguay (Crystilakere)
South Korea (Sarzonia)

Group E
Italy (Svecia)
Greece (Total n Utter Insanity)
Romania (The Lowland Clans)
Morocco (The Belmore Family)

Group F
Argentina (Rejistania)
Japan (NEWI Cefn Druids)
Poland (One Red Dot)
Cameroon (Wella)

Group G
Netherlands (The Eagle's Nest)
Denmark (Bedistan)
Iran (EL CID THE HERO)
Slovenia (Adam Island)

Group H
Spain (Squornshelous)
Mexico (Dance 2 Revolution)
Turkey (Jeruselem)
Russia (Druida)

The Belmore Family

21-12-2004, 21:45

*Credits Roll*
*Hello World Cup Nations!!!!* shows

Alex Dungate:This for the first time is being broadcast by The Belmore Family to every single nation in the World Cup by one broadcasting company. If English is not your first language press red now to get your language's subtitles. However, just so you can say we don't try: Wilkomen spreches auf Deutsch, Bienvenue les froncophones, Hejida Rejistanha'he'ny, Hola Oradores de Spainish and Dezjez Belmories! We are here now to open the Belmorian section of the World Cup Finals!!!!! Now, down to Minister for Sport Hugh Chapman.

Hugh Chapman: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls I introduce you to the largest Sports event on the earth. 82 countries have been whittled down to just 32 as we get ready for the World Cup Finals!!!! I now hand over to Tipin who will entertain you with their music throughout the performance tonight.

*Crowd goes wild*

Lead Singer of Tipin (Tom H): Ladies and Gentlemen, let us give a breif insight into our country.

*Sad Music Plays*
Topless Men enter the stage in chains and torn trousers. The March Uniformly towards the centre of the stage. Looking tired and sad they bgin to pass pieces of rock from one side of the stadium to the other, forming a chain.
*The Music Stops*
50 men ride in on horseback, the men try to flee but find they are surrounded. The men begin to fire and several fall to the ground. But the men in chains retaliate working together to destroy the men on horseback
*Warlike music plays*
One by one the men force the horsemen out of the stadium chasing them all the way until the stadium is cleared.
*Calm Music is played*
5 men and women enter from the side opposite to that the previous performers left. They are badly bruised and injured. They move to the centre of the stage as they stand there they are lifted up on a platformas this is happening the platform becomes layered like a wedding cake. At this point many people run in from the side and get on the next level, this continues for 2 minutes whilst inspiring music is played. Finally the platform stops going up and the top platform is now level with the top of the ceiling. However the man at the top jumps, As he lands on the mat at the bottom a sound like a bomb dropping and exploding is heard. This continues as other jump off and the words Anteaus Rising, Ghasst, Hellzone, Spaam, Hypocratic States are read out until everyone has fallen.
*Things can only get better is played*
Prime Minister Alan Belmore walks across a bridge onto the top platform followed by his cabinet, this is followed by a massive round of applaud as they decend to the ground. As they get to the ground As they reach the ground all the people who had jumped off the top of the platform go with their mats off the stage.They are then joined by 1000 disadvantged children from all over Alan City who all are holding either red, white or blue pieces of card. After running around for a while they order themselves and all hold up their pieces of card which show The Belmorian Flag with the words 'World Cup 19' imprinted across it. The crowd goes wild. They all leave except for one boy who is left alone in the centre. He sings 'O Flower of Belmore' beautifully and gets a standing ovation from the crowd. As he leaves Hugh returns.

Hugh: Thank You ladies and gentlemen. Let the games begin.

With that all the equipment is cleared away and the teams come out.

Vilita

21-12-2004, 21:48

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif

Vilkaus announces team for Nova Battle

-------------------Vilitan head coach Helmut Vilkaus has announced the squad that he hopes will continue the Vilita Jungle Cats record World Cup unbeaten streak alive in the opening match of World Cup 19 Qualifying against Nova Britannicus. No major surprises in the Vilitan lineup, other than the absense of Team Captain Santo Kecker who has been a bit ill all week. Vilitan legend Jürgen Ramzi will take the captains armband for the match from the Defensive Midfield Role. Arcticala Inlet's Jimmy Kater will start off his 3rd consecutive Finals as Goalkeeper, with a new Understudy. Tivali City's new signing Delain Falcón gets the nod on the bench in place of Yeaddin Owls' starter Pop Duiker. Andrea Lamberti gets a chance to impress on defense, the young Nusira-Lionta defender will lineup with experienced defenders Jaloey Afrikka and Esemar Aliana in the first post Ahat/Adika Vilitan defense.

-------------------Midfield will see the pheominal Inaki Soler, fresh out of a transfer to nearby Yeaddin, Vilita, starting on left wing. Soler will be looking to add to his 12 career International goals. Strike FC's Umberto Melli will control central midfield, with Yeaddin's Antonis Siazzu pressing forward in attack. Marine Coast United will be represented on the right side of midfield by Marasent Sioane, and in attack by Vilitan All-Time top scorer Callum Banda, who will be looking to notch his 60th career international overall tally against Nova Britannicus. Banda will be partnered in attack by Yeaddin Owls breakthrough power forward Riccardo Appolloni.

-------------------Arcticala Inlet's Serge DuPont and Germán Salomón will be joined by Marine Coast's Carmine Mbidzo in an attacking-minded Substitutes bench, that also sees Midfielder Calaesa Mitaroka of Yeaddin Owls AFC and defender Sibusiso Azaïez of Marine Coast United joining Kecker and Falcón as Vilkaus option throughout the course of tonights match.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/teamsheet.gif
Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Andrea Lamberti, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Esemar Aliana, [DMC] Jürgen Ramzi, [ML] Inaki Soler, [MC] Umberto Melli, [MC] Antonis Siazzu, [MR] Marasent Sioane, [FC] Callum Banda, [FC] Riccardo Appolloni
BENCH::
[FC] Serge DuPont, [FC] Carmine Mbidzo, [M] Santo Kecker, [M] Calaesa Mitaroka, [U] Germán Salomón, [D] Sibusiso Azaïez, [GK] Delain Falcón

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/schedXV.gif
Finals Matches:
M01: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] Nova Britannicus
M02: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] Eauz
M03: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] Starblaydia
-----------

Turori

21-12-2004, 22:00

Opening Ceremony :: Turori

Turori Eels v. Tadjikistan

-------------------The Bands stopped playing, and the local workers scurried around the pitch. There had been fireworks, there had been dancing. There had been skits practiced for weeks on end, performed to a T without a hitch. But now it was time for football, they had to clear the pitch. They came from all over the world to a little dense island, known only as the Island Emirate of Turori. It was the start of the first major sporting event hosted in Turori, and only the second ever sporting Event of any-kind hosting a multitude of international teams in Turori at the same time. The Turori Nation had previously entertained a few matches of the Pre-World Cup 17 Colony Cup, and despite a small number of International quality stadiums, were selected and able to host for the first time, the very biggest event in sport, the World Cup.

-------------------Delegates from all over Atlantian Oceania, and the World, entered the Almintora National Stadium. Special boxes were reserved for the Lamoni contengent, Arriving from accross the Vilitan Cove, the Free Land of Lamoni is the Regional Delegate to the United Nations from Atlantian Oceania, where these matches were taking place. Turori were looking to put a good impression on the United Nations at this time and were well aware that Lamoni would be entering the World Cup themselves for the first time in Druida & Starblaydia. They knew they would have to put on a good show, with the World Cup returning to Atlantian Oceania in four years, they did not want to be quickly forgotten.

-------------------The grounds crews moved the last piece of platforming from the pitch, and then, the crowd began to rumble. The two teams had begun entering the stadium! To the left was Tadjikistan, a well travelled and respected team, and to the right, the hosts, the Island Emirate of Turori making it's 3rd appearance in the World Cup Finals, and looking to improve on their Quarter Final exit to Squornshelous in World Cup 18. Cuolia Tuirma lead the Eels onto the pitch, at 30 years of age he was captaining the Turori side.

-------------------The crowd was a loud as could be, a full capacity at the Almintora National Stadium, and all the TV cameras were focussed on the referee...

The Belmore Family

21-12-2004, 22:01

*Credits Roll*
Alex Dungate: Hello as the team are clearing up I will be preparing you for the match between The Belmore Family and Svecia. We only have 10 minutes until the match starts so let's see how TBF is lining up.

We've gone for Alex Dungate which is not surprising. He is expected to feature in all of the Belmorian games unless he gets injured or carded. He's a strong player for Alan City so let's hope he can pull it off here.

Defence we've gone for Wickersham on the right, Edwards and Johnson in the centre and Battersby out on the left. A slight surprise here but Battersby was strong in the freindlies and Dan had a few slip ups so Listo has gone with Batty boy as he is affectionatly known.

In the midfield unsurprisingly we've chosen Gadd on the left, Hererors-Symons and Aggleton in the centre and Mitchell on the right. Thesw guys were all strong in the friendlies finding it easy to defend and attack.

Right, we're low ontime here so to quickly go through upfront we'll be seeing Alan Belmore and Hugh Bradburry as they are the Alan City pairing. Over to the match.

Turori

21-12-2004, 22:03

|-------------- Finals Matchday 1 Scores Telegrammed --------------|

Vilita

21-12-2004, 22:28

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif

Unbeaten No More

-------------------The Vilita National team entered the World Cup 19 Finals full of hope an aspiration. On the heels of a 30 match Unbeaten run, the longest in the history of Vilitan sport, many felt it was time for Vilita to take the step into the World Cup Semi-Finals, something they had never before achieved.

-------------------This goal looks as far away as ever for Helmut Vilkaus and the Vilita Jungle Cats, downed 0-1 by lowly Nova Britannicus in their opening World Cup Qualifying match. The Jungle Cats now must win their final two matches, against #9 Rank in the world Eauz and 18th rank long-time regional rivals Starblaydia to advance to the next round.

-------------------Vilita controlled most of the match against Nova Britannicus, but goalkeeper Henry Tuckworth put on a historical display to stop all 12 Vilitan shots on target. The Britannicans took home the victory after a 9th minute penalty kick was awarded due to a clumsy challenge by the inexperienced Nusira-Lionta defender Andrea Lamberti. It would be one of the few times the Britannicans would see a shot on goalkeeper Jimmy Kater, but the ball banking in off the goalkeepers left hand post ended Vilita's hopes of continuing their unbeaten run, and likely of advancing any further in World Cup 19.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/teamsheet.gif
Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Andrea Lamberti, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Esemar Aliana, [DMC] Jürgen Ramzi, [ML] Inaki Soler, [MC] Umberto Melli, [MC] Antonis Siazzu, [MR] Marasent Sioane, [FC] Callum Banda, [FC] Riccardo Appolloni
BENCH::
[FC] Serge DuPont, [FC] Carmine Mbidzo, [M] Santo Kecker, [M] Calaesa Mitaroka, [U] Germán Salomón, [D] Sibusiso Azaïez, [GK] Delain Falcón

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/schedXV.gif
Finals Matches:
M01: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [0] - [1] Nova Britannicus
M02: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] Eauz
M03: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] Starblaydia
-----------

Sarzonia

21-12-2004, 22:46

Stars, Progressans do everything but score
As the lowest-ranked team in Group D, some pundits in Sarzonia predicted the Sarzonian national team would be the bottom feeders in the group going against fourth ranked Kaze Progressa, 12th ranked Melmond, and 20th ranked Crystilakere. But goalkeeper Troy Perkins played one of the finest matches of his career and stoned Kaze Progressa seven times en route to a 0-0 draw.

"I don't think playing close by was that big of a deal," Coach Dave Wilson said of Turori's relative proximity to Sarzonia. "You have to give all the credit to Troy Perkins. If it weren't for him, we wouldn't have gotten this draw."

For his part, Kaze Progressa goalkeeper Fayu Fanzuhu was rarely challenged by the Stars. Their best chance came off the boot of midfielder Darwin Russell in the 78th minute, courtesy of a bicycle kick that just clanked off the upright and over the crossbar. Fanzuhu made three saves as Kaze Progressa outshot Sarzonia 14-8.

"We've shown we can play with these guys, and Troy has made his presence felt," Russell said. "We've got a big match against a familiar foe coming up and we are going to need to get three points to have a chance to advance to the next round."

Crystilakere faced Melmond in the other Group D matchup and the first-ever opponent for Sarzonia looms large in the next match. Both teams have said they would like nothing better than to beat the other, so the interregional rivalry match should be even more intense than any previous encounter between the teams.

"No disrespect intended for the AOCAF because that's a great tournament in its own right, but this is much, much bigger than that," Wilson said. "This is much bigger than any qualifying match. This is on the biggest stage, against our southern neighbors. You can bet every T.V. in both countries will be tuned into this match."

New AO region mates The Lowland Clans predicted the Stars would finish ahead of the Crystils in the group, while Melmond predicted the Stars would advance out of group play. However, Woodstock sports anchor Lloyd Clark gave the Stars little chance to advance.

"That's just going to motivate us," forward and team captain Brian Wilson said. "We've got a chance now to go through to the next round and we made a big statement against the fourth ranked team in the world."

Nova Britannicus

21-12-2004, 22:51

Who are ya?
Navy-Blues Rock the Boat, Beat Vilita

Nova Britannicus' winning streak has now streched to a massive six games in a row. This, however, is their greatest prize, a One-Nil win over Vilita. Though Man-Of-The-Match Henry Tuckworth made his goal impregnable for the entire match, it was Dean Caliban's run, Andrea Lamberti's challenge and Charlie Bowman's subsequent penalty that sealed Nova Britannicus' win.

Their First Ever World Cup Finals Win
The Highest-Ranked Opposition we've ever beaten
The Just-Plain-Old Greatest Win Ever by the Navy-Blues

Hooray! Bring on the Second Round!

Or is that pushing it a bit? Up come neighbours Starblaydia next, who were today crushed Four-Two by two-time winners Eauz. The Starblaydis will be out for revenge, for certain, but if the Navy-Blue defence can shut-out the Mighty Morphin' Vilitan Kitties, anything is possible.

Cockbill Street

22-12-2004, 00:03

"OK guys," Lee Branson said, as the team huddled around in the dressing room. "I told you the last game was big - well, this one is even bigger. You've beaten those 'slaves before - I should damn well know, I sat in the stands crying me eyes out - so you've got a decent chance, especially if you play like in the last game against those pesky capitalists."

"Who's playing, g'irgah?" Olaf Heimfoething was a man - um, dwarf - for simple things. Big things like motivation speeches was not for him.

"Oh yeah. Nearly forgot that. It's Stu in goal, Harald at right back, Scott at left back, Trevor and Ga-le-na in the central defence, Phil on the right wing, Paul as defensive guy, in a diamond, Olaf as the attacking, Sarah on the left wing, Robbie and Rhianna up front." He wrote every name out in chalk on the blackboard - seeing as coach whiteboards were apparently too sophisticated for this third world country - and was pleased to hear several groans.

"Now, you guys whose name are on the board, I want you one hundred per cent behind the team! Understand? Otherwise we're never gonna win...those guys out there are absolutely insane, most of them are 'slavians, cos you damn Streeters never got the hang of the ticket system here in Turori, but we'll win anyway! Ya hear me? Now go out there and play their asses off!"

---

The speaker's voice boomed across the Kionao Park. "Today's teams are: THE AUDIOSLAVIA SLAVES AND THE COCKBILL STREET...um...NO-HOPERS!!"

"Who on earth bribed that speaker?" Helen Carpenter whispered to Thor Axewielder in the stands.

"He's Belmorian. They have strange views." Thor replied.

The speaker continued in his magically magnified voice: "THE AUDIOSLAVIA SLAVES LIIINE-UP!!! Peter....AAAAAANDERSSON! Coalan....FOOOOOX! Arne...CAAAAAREL! Greigs...JOHNSTOOOONE! Jodey...TESSSSSSSSEM! Petr..........RAISBERRRGEEEEEN! Arie...JAAAANSEN! Jussi...OSKAAARI! Alexander....MAAAAAAAAAAAARIOT! Oliver...DAAANNES! AAAAND Jackie......MAC...CH...ROOOOY!!"

"Wow. He really did have some trouble there. Says Rijsbergen on the team sheet," Helen sadi

"'Slavian names..."

"And THE COCKBILL STREET LIIINE-UP reads as FOLLOWS!! Stuart...UUUUNDAHWOOD! Harald...STROOONG IN THEE AAARM!"

"Is he making a joke about dwarves, you reckon?"

"Seems like the Committee for Equal Heights are all in rage...I couldn't care less..."

"Trevor...JOOOONES!! NO, YOU HAVEN'T BOUGHT A TICKET FOR A DRUID GAME! Scott...WAAAALKER! Philip...MACLAAAAVISH! Paul...RAAAANKIN! Olaf...HEIM...FOIDING?! Sarah??!...CAAAAAAWDRON!! Robert...STUUUUBBINGS!! AAAND Rhianna?!...PEEETERS!"

"Hm. Sexist too. I don't like this guy."

"Hey, he's Belmorian. I don't think anyone likes Belmorians. Except maybe Britannicans, because they seem to think everyone are good chaps deep down."

---

"Eight minutes down and we're already losing 0-2. What do you think Lee has drugged them with?" Helen said, after Jansen and Marriot had scored one goal each - Jansen almost directly from the kick-off, Marriot with a beauty of a free kick.

"Look at it this way. Audioslavia have been great. And after all, we have been in their half," Thor replied. "I wouldn't worry...yet."

"Aw, come on. There's obvious some fixing is going on. Look at what happened at Cednia yesterday..."

"You're saying the Britannicans were doped?" Thor sniggered. "Those up-your-lip, fair-and-square, that's-not-cricket chaps? Come off it."

"That's what they'd like you to think."

"Come off it, Helen. Look, Rhianna nearly scored...good header that!"

"Yes. Nearly. Proves my point..."

"You can't expect them to score everything!"

---

Lee Branson had gone beyond furious. He had banked on Stuart Underwood to stand in goal for this match - after all, he hadn't been too bad in training, and there was reports that he had been goalkeeper of the year for Titania Forests in the Melmond Premier League - a feat when you play in a seventh-placed team! However, Stuart had flopped his chance. And badly. He had placed the wall totally wrong for Marriot's free kick, and when Arie Jansen tried for his second goal with a sort-of half-hearted attempt, Stuart managed to fumble it into the goal. He could just bet that Helen was going to say...

"What did he put Stuart in goal for?" Helen asked Thor as the 'Slavians ran back, singing in something that was supposed to be harmony as they moved into a completely uncatchable lead.

"Maybe he read the C-mail a couple of weeks back. It stated that Underwood had been Goalkeeper of the Year in the Melmond Premier League."

"What's a Premier League?"

"It's like the Compound."

"Oh. Well...good for him, then, but I can't see what he's doing out on the pitch now. We're losing 0-3 and they've had four shots!"

"The ball's a bit wet. And I'm sure he's nervous."

"I still think Lee drugged him...oh, just he wait till I get my hands on him..."

"Take it easy. We aren't out yet, we can still beat the capitalists and the Poles."

"You wish..."

---

Nil-three at half time. Lee wished to shout his ears off, along with most of his players, but was too resigned. As was most of the Streetian fans waving their blue, white and red in a kind of half-hearted way. It seemed their minds were already on the next game - and how could he blame them? It was exactly the same as the two sides out on the pitch had done. They had just been rolling the ball for the past half-hour. Oh, there had been chances – he could still see Robert Stubbings heading the cross from Olaf Heimfoething over the bar – but they just didn’t seem important. Damn. Damn. Damn.

---

The ‘slavians were dancing – they were good at that – as Helen and Thor filtered out of the VIP stands. Helen was still muttering random Dwarfish swearwords – Dwarfish was a great language for swearing, at least if you didn’t mind the throatache for a couple of days afterwards – and Thor felt like joining in. He hadn’t felt this bad since those u’rha’nith Druidans managed to sneak a place from the Street four years ago. But still, no need to attack the g’irgah – a bit of bad luck, it could happen to anyone. Ah’yth, even Rejistania had lost matches recently…it was bound to turn. Sooner or later. He just wished it would be in his lifetime…

---

The door of the dressing room burst open.

“YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T FIX THE RESULT!!!!!!!!” Helen bellowed at the top of her voice – in fact, slightly over, resulting in a cough and a drink of water.

“Um…yeah…I know. Honestly, I didn’t expect this…”

“We were rolling the ball for the past seventy minutes! Couldn’t you do something?!”

“What was there to do? Besides, we created a few chances. A bit of luck and we might have changed the result. Stubbings headed over…”

“I know how many chances we had, you idiot.”

“Can’t you just accept that Audioslavia were a better team? Hell, it’s not that surprising…you sound like a Liverpudlian fan.”

“I’m. Very. Angry. At. Losing. Nil. Three. After. Twenty. Minutes. Because. Our. Keeper. Is. Crap. And. So. Is. The. Rest. Of. The. U’ruth’aha’ni. Team.”

“Didn’t catch that second last word…”

“It’s Dwarfish swearing. I thought you’d learned that?”

“Not quite that word…I was told there were about 5,000 swearwords?”

“Yes. Mining is a tough business. Anyway, why did you play Stuart?”

“He was doing well in training – and generally, he is slightly better than Jonny. Even your C-mail admits it.”

”The C-mail is manufactured tripe. So is most newspapers these days.”

“That’s not the point. He was the best player. And nobody could have foreseen that he crumbled under pressure.”

“So is he gonna play the next match?”

“That’s confidential. Until I decide otherwise.”

“You’re treading a very thin line, Mr Brahn-son. Be very careful in the future – or you might find your self out on the Street. Literally.” And with that, she turned her back and left.

Audioslavia 3 (Jansen 2, 19, Marriot 8)
Cockbill Street 0

Rejistania

22-12-2004, 00:42

Sirake Tekim: Hejida, this Sirake Tekim, transmitting for Radio RejisCAST directly from KaMaRi kali, Rejistania, with me is ... not Elin Ri, but Jaja Telu, Hejida!

Jaja Telu: Hejida listeners, Hejida Tekim'he!

ST: Oh, I am impressed, a new face, a new standard?

JT: You mean concerning the language?

ST: Indeed!

JT: I must not mess up the first appearnance here.

ST: This will not matter provided you mess up all future ones

JT: I never expected so much friendly advice from you *sarcasm can be pretty much heard dripping on the floor*

ST: I am trying my very best to help you.

JT: I am sorry for you...

ST: Why?

JT: Because of your abysmali inheritance.

ST: What do you mean by THAT?

JT: You fail horribly in your attempts to be friendly.

ST: Even Elin Ri never went that low.

JT: Elin accused you to watch gay porn.

ST: As I said, he never went that low!

JT: You seem to have a different system of Simu down here in KaMaRi.

ST: Down here?

JT: I am from Hetkali!

ST: you're a kali'het'he?

JT: I am!

ST: Commiserations!

JT: We should concentrate on the reason why we are here...

ST: Insulting each other?

JT: I was rather referring to talking about the national team...

ST: Oh that, completely forgot about that... well, how did they do?

JT: They won their pre-cup friendly!

ST: Against The hosts?

JT: Yes, against The Belmore Family!

ST: I heard absolutely nothing about it in the media!

JT: Right, no media coverage at all!

ST: For Slani's sake: Why?

JT: Because the reporters did not find the stadium...

ST: You are fooling me!

JT: I am not!

ST: How can all reporters not find the stadium?

JT: It was in the Alan Belmore Road...

ST: Is that such a problem?

JT: It is, I was there so I know.

ST: You were in Alan kali to see the match?

JT: I were...

ST: How did you find the stadium?

JT: I didn't...

ST: How do you know that the match ended in a win?

JT: Long story...

ST: Tell me!

JT: Well, I was searching for the stadium for hours when it happened... I got hit by a bus when trying to cross the road... and well, ... I was in the same room as the starblaydian referee of the match. He was beaten up by hooligans...

ST: Belmorians?

JT: No idea... at least the belmorian healthcare system is socialistic...

ST: Does that mean good?

JT: Our healthcare system is also pretty socialist...

ST: I see. Well an news about the groups?

JT: they were drawn already...

ST: Why was there no media echo here in the Rejis?

JT: There was... just fewer...

ST: Why?

JT: It took place in the Alan Bemore Street...

ST: I see... who are our oponents?

JT: The Druids, The Red dots and Wella!

ST: Druida?

JT: No, the other ones...

ST: ...lexys?

JT: No, Ne-vi Kev-n De-ru-i-dis...

ST: Not quite good to pronounce!

JT: Indeed!

ST: What are your perspectives for this group?

JT: I expect the Orange-Blues to finish last, the curse of being ranked first...

ST: They were ranked first last cup too!

JT: No, because KPB-ranks were used officially...

ST: That does not matter!

JT: It does, without a big one in the ranking list, the curse doesn't work!

ST: Well, we will see!

JT: Indeed we will!

Eauz

22-12-2004, 01:13

Le LIBRE

Left seeing Stars

The Stadium was packed to its rim, as many Eauz supporters were ready to see their team take on the team from Starblaydia. Scattered everywhere though, one could see Starblaydi fans, but it was no match for the Eauz supporters. Entering the field, were the two teams, and Les Bleus were sporting a new jersey, with an anti-capitalizt logo on it. Fans of FIFA world cup made up a resemblance of the teams who qualified in this cup and the ranks of FIFA ranked teams, and came up with the following grouping for this group.

Group B
England (Vilita)
Portugal (Eauz)
Australia (Star)
Ecuador (Nova Britannicus)

For this match, it would pit Portugal (Eauz) against Australia (Starblaydia).

The two teams, who had never met each other before handed over the team banners, and had the pictures taken. Before the match, the coach told these guys to just calm down, and relax. He knew that harder teams were ahead, and that the guys should play this match as just another match. As for the coach, his job was on the line, as Eauz had not seen a semi-final in almost 9 years. The match started amidst the loud Eauz crowd. Les Bleus started off with the ball but were more trying to keep the ball away from Starblaydia. The Starblaydia defence was in the house, as they stayed with the Eauz attack, and kept Eauz from any early attempts. Starblaydia counter attacked, but the Eauz defence was just as strong. During the 20th minute of play though, Eauz received a corner kick, which was headed out of play by a Starblaydi defender, but the ball went into possession of Vasser, who sent a rocket into the net, putting Eauz up 1 – 0. The crowd went wild, as Eauz flags could be seen everywhere, and screaming Eauz fans. Starblaydia though silenced the crowd, a few minutes after the Eauz goal. A Star mid-fielder got through the Eauz mid-fielders, and was faced with the defence. A pass to the centre, where a forward was, and a shot was taken, going over the head of Rousoi and into the net, tying the match up a 1 – 1. Experts at Le Libre were hoping the match would stay at 1 – 1, for them to be correct. The match though was not over yet, as during the 32nd minute of play, Alia was in the air, going for the ball, but was pushed down. In pain, he tried to get the attention of the referees, but no cards were brought out, as Alia got back up on his feet. A second Eauz goal came during the 40th minute of play, as a long shot from D'Aubigne sailed towards the goal, hitting the crossbar. But wait, where did Daintan come from, who puts home the 2nd goal for Eauz, as they went up 2 – 1. Eauz continued their onslaught, just before the first half was over, with Rousseau tapping in the ball to the empty net, which deflected off of a Star defender. Les Bleus went up 3 – 1, with Eauz fans celebrating, despite it only being the first half. Just before leaving for the first half, there was some pushing and shoving between the two teams, but nothing serious occurred. The second half appeared to have more in store from both teams.

Eauz fans were getting a bit out of control, as items were being thrown on the field. Toilet paper stolen from the stadium restroom was everywhere on the field. Play though continued, with both teams ready to tare the head off the other. During the 53rd minute of play, Starblaydia was looking to get back into this match, as a forward sent a long pass up field, to a forward. The forward was covered well by the Eauz defenders, and let go of a shot, which sailed over the top of the net. Rousoi sent a goal kick up field, but the Starblaydi team was back on the attack. Coming up field, the forward got tangled up in the toilet paper on the field, and was distracted by it, and lost control of the ball. He complained to the referee, but to no avail. During the 60th minute of play though Starblaydia got back into the match off of a free kick outside the penalty zone. The shot curved around the human wall, and just went into the right part of the net, fooling Rousoi who stood there without moving. The player took a little jog around the field, rubbing it into Eauz, and took off his shirt, hanging it up in the right corner. Starblaydia’s goal, put the match at 3 – 2. Despite this act, Starblaydia would fall short in this match, as Eauz would add a fourth goal, and the spike to the coffin, as Eauz won 4 – 2. For the first ever match between the two teams, it was quite the heated match. Players tempers were high, but nothing serious, aside from a few yellow cards. With the victory, Les Bleus take the first 3 points, and hope to continue.

Other results in the group were the upset of Nova Britannicus winning over Vilita, the favoured team in this group. This means bad news for Eauz, because the Vilitan players will be playing at their highest level, to prevent being eliminated. Eauz will have to hope that history does not repeat, and end up with a tie and finally a loss. It is expected that the stadium will once again be filled up with both vilitan and Eauz fans. The atmosphere should be crazy.

Group B
GP W T L GF GA GD P
[1]Eauz 1 1 0 0 4 2 +2 3
[2]Nova Britannicus 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1 3
3 Vilita 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
4 Starblaydia 1 0 0 1 2 4 -2 0

Squornshelous

22-12-2004, 01:58

Group H
Squornshleous set for rematch with "those &^$%*@#s"

Memories of what should have been in World Cup 17 come welling back as Squornshelous enters the first round of WC19. Somehow an unheralded squad known as Dance 2 Revolution managed to defeat the Squornshelous Pschychoes, then ranked 12th in the world, and knock us out of competition. In matchday 2 of this round, those two teams will meet again. This time it's different: Squornshelous has bounced back and is ranked top ten, while D2R ias now recognized as one of the better teams in this cup. The game, instead of being a formality to wrap up advancement, may decide the winner of the group. Squornshelous plans to be on the winning side this time.

Predicted Finishing Order:
1.Squornshelous
2. Jeruselem
3. Druida

Pschychoes fall short against Druida
"Looking Ahead" syndrome blamed
Squornshelous finished up their first match of World Cup 19 finals with a dissapointing 1-1 draw. The players made a lot of sloppy plays and bad passes. "We just weren't focused out there," said forward Igor Raskolnikov. Manager Sergei Korolev thought the mistakes were due to anticipation of the big grudge match coming up against Dance 2 Revolution. "I don't think we really took Druida seriously, although we should have, since they challenged us in qualifying. We were so wound up with taking out D2R that we didn't even notice Druida." However, that won't be a problem next match. "This is probably the biggest match of the cup for us," said midfielder Bjorn Arnesson, "Winning right here sets us up perfectly for a cup run."

Final Score:
Squornshelous 1-1 Druida

Bedistan

22-12-2004, 03:53

June 1, 2010 (Belmorian timekeeping) :: June 1, 2062 (Bedistani timekeeping)

We are in...well, we really have absolutely no idea why, but we are in a fourth-year classroom at Pomona Elementary School, located in a small town in Notelara province, Bedistan. It's early in the morning, and the tardy bell has just sounded. The TV in the corner of the room is on and proudly showing a solid blue screen. Suddenly, the screen goes black and some cheesy music plays. As the image fades in, we see two fifth-year students, one boy and one girl, seated behind a desk. The letters "BPES" are printed on the wall behind them.

Girl: "Good morning, Pomona! I'm Allison Dartmouth..."

Boy: "...and I'm Ricky Taylor. It's time for the morning news!"

Allison: "The cafeteria staff would like to remind us that students are not to take trays from the serving line without paying for them. Every time you take a lunch and don't pay for it, it costs the school money. And with that money the school loses, you don't get to take field trips. So pay your ninety cents* whenever you get your lunch!"

Ricky: "All fifth-year students that would like to sign up for the Sutton Middle School basketball team need to see Mr. Yeltsin in room 316 before you leave this week."

Allison: "The end-of-school party will be held in the gym Friday, June 2 -- that's tomorrow -- at 12:30. All teachers are asked to please let their students attend."

Ricky: "And now we go to Jimmy Reynolds for sports. Jimmy?"

Jimmy: "Thanks, Ricky. Well, there's a lot of stuff going on in sports, yes sir. Way over on the other side of the world, in a place called 'The Belmore Family' -- I don't know why, but that's what it's called -- the Bedistan national football team is getting ready to play in the World Cup."

Ricky: "Really?"

Jimmy: "You betcha, Rick! And they've gotta play the team from Adam's Island**, and then there's something about an eagle's nest and some guy called El Cid the Hero. I'm not really sure what that's about. Anyway, the Lions are gonna win every match they play, and they're gonna bring home the World Cup! They'll beat Rejistania if they have to!"

Ricky: "No way! We can't beat them!"

Jimmy: "Uh-huh. Wanna bet?"

Ricky: "Fifteen bucks says we don't get to the quarterfinals!"

Jimmy: "You're on!"

A voice can be heard in the background saying "Wrap it up."

Allison: "Thanks, Jimmy! Well, that's all the time we have for this morning. Bye!"

The same cheesy music that started the broadcast ends it.

* cent = the hundredth part of a bakrani, the currency of Bedistan. 90 cents is roughly equal to US$1.78.
** Yes, I know it's just "Adam Island", but this is an 11-year-old kid here. He doesn't know any better. ; )

Shonar Bangla

22-12-2004, 04:58

"Get yo lazy bums up you maggots," yelled coach Rana Ali, as he felt that the team had lost out on his military training, that it was upto him to reapply the polish on the team he was fearing had gone lack-lustre during the break.

"Man, the game starts in like four hours," remarked an exasperated goal-keeper Utshob Banerjee as he dug his way out of a pile of Turorian booty. The coach beamed with glee at this reminder, "Great, four hours of good hard practice." The team groaned as it made for a quick shower and onto the Almintorian grounds.

After four hours of hard toil, it was finally time, time for Shonar Bangla to match wits, skills and speed with the best of the best in the world, second ranked Iansisle. While the national anthem of Shonar Bangla played, the players continuously reminded themselves of the different opposition they were playing here, an opposition they had no clue about. With the formalities done, the referee signalled for the beginning of the game.

The first half began with both sides showing mutual respect for the other, with both the respective think tanks doing their best to scrutinize and evaluate the opposition. At the 29th minute however, Iansisle finally broke out of the shell. Goalie James Goodman passed the ball to midfielder Bill Simpson, who along with Geoffrey Tagger, played a classic game of passing and dribbling till Simpson found himself with only the goal-keeper Utshob Banerjee between him and the goal. The goalie was faked out with ease, and the goal scored. The stadium exploded with applause, as the Iansisle management had ensured that the team would have enough team support throughout the World Cup, even away. The scores however, were levelled in a matter of minutes, with a corner kick coming in from Deborjyoti Chakraborty, that found the beautiful flat forehead of Huzefa Calcuttawala, into the even more beautiful goal-net. The half ended with the sides levelled on 1-1.

With the alternation of ends, Iansisle came out with the big guns. "This is a 61st ranked first-timer, enough caution, now we kill them," was what went through captain Newman Capston's mind. With that resolution, the second half saw an unexpected surge in aggression from the Iansisle team, with 3 very close attempts on goal, 2 yellow cards, and 2 well-earned goals. With the 3rd goal, Iansisle led Shonar Bangla 3-1 at the 81st minute.

Within minutes, forward Huzefa Calcuttawala pulled off one of the best stunts the World Cup has seen yet. Always the sly fox, Calcuttawala drew a penalty out of thin air by simply tripping over Goodman's foot. Leaving aside the referee's faults, Calcuttawala scored the penalty with ease at the 88th minute.

The Bangalis finally heated up their offense, with some aggressive attack. Just when it seemed that the game was lost, a free kick was awarded to the Bangalis during injury time at reasonably long-range. The kick that followed, ensued from midfielder Boidurjo Bose, had enough reverse swing on it to humiliate Roberto Carlos, and found a hapless Goodman stranded on one side of the goal-post, despite the fact that he had a good three and a half seconds to act. The final score read 3-3.

In the after match press conference, captain Abdul Zakir Hussein remarked, "It is better than what we bargained for. Through this World Cup, we keep surprising the whole world, but more than anything, we surprise ourselves."

The team will stay in Almintora for tomorrow's game against Tadjikistan. For the first time, none of the teams will need to transverse from location to location for matches, as now, we are in the World Cup proper.

Vilita

22-12-2004, 08:24

Vilita Welcome Lowland Clans

----------------------The Tropics of Vilita have welcomed the Lowland Clans to the ever-growing Atlantian Oceania region, and in recognition of their support for the Lowland Clans in their upcoming World Cup 19 Finals campaign, in the Belmore Family, Vilita have offered an exciting gift to the people of the Lowland Clans, and the Lowland Clans government itself. An image of the gift, an upgraded flag to be seen flying high over The Lowland Clans, is seen below:

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/the_lowland_clans.jpg

----------------------The Lowland Clans have quickly become the largest nation in Atlantian Oceania, and are expected to become immediate contenders for the AOCAF competition championship. Unlike most of Atlantian Oceania, the Lowlands Clans is run by a Dictator, but he is, at least, a nice guy. The Lowland Clans settlement in the yellow region of Atlantian Oceania only goes to quadrouple the sheep population of the region, with the Clans claiming territory to the south of NEWI Cefn Druids and Druida.

----------------------The Lowland Clans have lost their opening match in World Cup 19 Qualifiers, but with the support of Atlantian Oceania now behind them, being the sole Nation with this support in Group E, many expect attendances to rise from the host of other Atlantian Oceania natives in the Belmore Family from the finals, and the Lowland Clans to be able to take from this the momentum they need to find themselves in the second round.

Tadjikistan

22-12-2004, 10:40

There were only some two thousand Tadjik fans in the Almintora national stadium but they made noise for ten thousand, it must have been the most important factor leading to Tadjikistans good performance in their first match against Turori. Turori ranked 14 is favorite to win this game against our own Tadjiks, ranked 25th.
"I never thougth we'd get this far" Zhukov said "and i wanted to go on a vacation, had to postpone that for a week or two" with him several players planned vacations far away from the football scene. Only twenty players turned up for the trip to Turori, Zhukov answerred "twenty players for three matches? More than enough!"
In the starting eleven Zaev was missing, his place was taken by Nozdrunov now, playing his very first World Cup match

The Tadjiks got a difficult start against the stubborn Turori Eels, Kirponos made a breakthrough on the left side but he got stuck in the Turori defense. The Eels on the other hand made several good shots at the Tadjik box and their work paid off in the 28th minute when they scored with the help of the left pole. During the pause Kuznetsov gave us his very realistic but correct view of the situation "We were infact lucky, they kept coming and we stopped them every time, it could have been 3-0 by now. We have to turn this around and move into the other direction or its over"

The Second half saw a much more agressive Tadjik team, now fighting for the ball. a good shot by Zhilenkov from the right flank was stopped by the Turori goalkeeper who sent his team out to the Tadjik goal again. Gasparian managed to get the ball from a Turori midfielder and made a run over the left side, gave a pass to Koshevoi. Koshevoi, who followed Gasparian in his run drove the ball with a powerfull kick into the left corner of the Turori goal.

An inspiring first goal gave the Tadjiks the individual strength to continue on their current elan. But the third goal of this game fell on the wrong side of the field. The Eels beat Voronov with a header from a cornershot. But it could not take away the Tadjik spirit to fight - and possibly win. Gasparian was the first one to realize they still had a good chance of getting somewhere and made a move trough the center with Kirponos. Kirponos was one of the last players from the Tadjik football pioneers like Cherniakhovskij and Pliiev. Kirponos still remembered the lessons he learned from them and put Gasparian put to the same game. They moved trhough the Turori defense making fast passes to eachother, Kirponos distracted the Turori goalkeeper and made it look as if he was going to shoot. Instead he sent the shot to Gasparian who found himself infront of an empty goal and he made the equalizer.

The Tadjiks are alive and kicking, even while some predict the Tadjiks to end last without points Zhukov made clear that wasnt going to happen "We might not get through to the second round but we will fight for every point we can get. You people already kept me from going on vacation, now dont think i'm going to let this end in complete disaster." Zhukov wants a win a match, thats clear but he'll have to be more focused, he seems to be asleep sometimes "What June 10 2010? I knew there was something wrong here! Damn, i gotta throw away that 2004 calendar"

10-06-10: Turori - Tadjikistan 2-2 Almintora Nat Stadium
16-06-10: Tadjikistan - Shonar Bangla Almintora Nat Stadium
21-06-10: Tadjikistan - Iansisle Cednia Beach Center

The Belmore Family

22-12-2004, 11:32

Alan City Stadium shakes as the crowd cheer at last minute winner!

1st Half reaction

The whole of the Belmore Family is in shock today as the Belmorians somehow managed to overcome a stunning Svecian side who pulled all the tricks but for two unlucky moments.

The game started with a flare, the Belmorians, boyed up by our fans were instantly into Svecia's half. A good manouvre by Bradburry saw him on the edge of the D but the Svecian goalkeeper was pleased to see it fly over his shoulder and into the North Stand.

However Svecia fought back quickly having a great oppertunity on the 12th minute. Druijf de Vlieger found the ball at his feet on the halfway line. He flew the ball down the middle to Joël Simão. He collected the ball and played it wide out to Mikael Solskjaer. on the side of the box. he ran in a bit and Dungate encroached on him. He quickly played it round Dungate back to Simão who collected the ball and blasted it over the crossbar.

Then came the moment which filled the Belmorian suporters with pride. Bradburry recieved the ball on the left wing. He looked up and saw Belmore ahead of him on the penalty spot. He took his time and flew the ball towards the goal. Alan ran onto it and only had to nudge it to place it in the back of the net. The Belmorians went wild. It is said you could here the chants of jubilation from Susan City they were so loud. However, it would not have been nice to be a Svecian supporter at this time.

It would have been even more painful to support Svecia, surrounded by 75,000 Belmorian fans then faced with Thomas Wickersham alledgedly tripping Simão. You could here boos coming from all around the stadium. Simão placed the ball on the spot and stared Dungate in the eyes. The Belmorian boos were thundering in his ears and he just placed the ball in the back of the net. The stadium went silent.

Kaze Progressa

22-12-2004, 11:48

The Daily Kangaroo urges our team to...
STOP PLAYING LIKE REJISTANIA!

Kaze Progressa played out a yawn-fest against Sarzonia, the match finishing without a goal. If they thought the way to out-do Rejistania was to mimic them, they were wrong, as the team ranked 28 places below them in the world fought out a deserved draw that could easily have been a win.

Most of the chances, such as they were, fell to the Progressans, with Sani Luvo twice denied by Perkins in the Sarzonian goal. A flurry of late chances, and in particular Darwin Russell's overhead kick in the 78th minute that hit the top of the crossbar, provided excitement, but both sides missed half of their shots. Even Luvo, the top scorer of World Cup 18 and arguably the man of the tournament, seemed off-colour, though at the other end both goalkeeper Fayu Fanzuhu and Alan City defender Bartaz Borapi looked strong.

Melmond fans confidently awaited facing the Progressans, with the dismal performance of Carina Cahztavaniko (playing in the Melmondian league for Wzkknfs Hnyd Pinks) particularly noted. The Melmondian goddess of songwriting said the Progressans would be 'singing their own songs', with reference to the legendary angst-laden band Monaa. The only Progressan response was to pray to Margaret.

Vilita

22-12-2004, 12:09

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif

Vilita Hoping for Double Take

---------------Vilitan Stellar Division club Yeaddin Owls AFC have Struck back and started what will hopefully be a trend in Atlantian Oceania over the coming week, by knocking off Starblaydi club Veccio Victors in the first Atlantian Oceania Champions League, held in South Osettia. The Second Round matchup between the Vilitan Megaliths and the solid Starblaydian representatives was the highest attending match of the round, and the return leg looks set to be no different.

---------------The Victors got the match started early with a 12th minute opener that seemed to give them the momentum they needed to steal an opening leg point from the Vilitan champions. However, Vilitan International phenom Inaki Soler had other ideas, receiving the pass from Riccardo Appolloni directly off the kick off, before storming past the Veccio defense and firing a blinding effort from 25 yards that curled round the Starblaydi keeper and into the far corner of the net, levelling the scores. The match would stay level through the half, but the Owls were too strong, and a 63rd minute Calaesa Mitaroka Penalty Kick gave the Owls the important advantage heading into the second leg.

---------------Yeaddin Owls' Inaki Soler, Antonis Siazzu & Riccardo Appolloni all expect starting roles against their Starblaydi nemesis on World Cup Finals matchday 3, and would gladly mimic the result they achieved in the Atlantian Oceania Champions league, opening that they can couple it with a Victory over Eauz and earn a berth in the second round knockout stage.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/schedXV.gif
Finals Matches:
M01: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [0] - [1] Nova Britannicus
M02: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] Eauz
M03: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] Starblaydia
-----------

Dance 2 Revolution

22-12-2004, 12:40

One WC17 Victim Down

And one left to go

Dancce 2 Revolution knew that Jeruselem would be a difficult match, not because of the bitterness held to them for WC17, but for their desire to win and improved side since we last played them.

Dance 2 Revolution were not going to take this game lightly, even if Squornshelous was next, because they knew that they would have to win here and also against Druida to make the tie against Squornshelous more of an important game for Squornshelous than for Dance 2 Revolution.

Jeruselem were quick to break against the Revolutionaries, Shabmaran hitting the bar from distance in the 7th minute.

There was a lot of Jeruselem pressure in the first half, with many players pushing forward. This lead to a D2R counter-attack in the 22nd minute, which forced a magnicifent diving catch from goalkeeper Amin.

Jeruselem finally made the pressure count, when Silverstein headed an inswinging corner from Khidar into the net in the 28th minute.

Jeruselem continued pressing but the Revolutionary defence kept tight and Jeruselem could not manage another goal.

The second half brought a new attacking approach from D2R. Maeda switched to a 3-4-3 formation and half-progressian Ezak Assergorp was brought on in place of Jiangin.

Dance 2 Revolution were all over Jeruselem in the second half, Assergorp hitting the post twice in the opening 10 minutes of the half.

Dance 2 Revolution found the equaliser when Kehsoot had drawn in Über's marker and then lifted it through to Über who struck the ball on the volley for 1-1.

Dance 2 Revolution then passed the ball around Jeruselem, and occasionally having the odd shot, with every pass being cheered by the Revolutionary supporters.

It was only in the 85th minute that the Revolutionaries started to push again. The Jeruselem players were now angry at the mentality that D2R had shown over the last half hour. Kadafi was particularly angry at them, and took it out on Li. Li had to be stretchered off, and he was replaced by Nejckmed. Kadafi recieved a booking.

It was the substitutes combining which finally gave a D2R breakthrough. Nejckmed played a 1-2 through ball with Assergorp, which left Nejckmed in space on the wing. Nejckmed crossed low and hard into the box, and Assergorp connected with the diving header, the ball hit the post and crossed the line for 2-1.

Final Score:
Dance 2 Revolution 2(Über 56', Assergorp 90')
Jeruselem 1(Silverstein 28')

Next Match (vs. Squornshelous):
We expect this match to be very physical on the players, and Maeda may decide to not play his Strongest XI, but we will see when it comes.

Starblaydia

22-12-2004, 14:41

We always lose the first game, don't we?
Players could barely move for disgraceful Eauz littering

Starblaydia today sit bottom of Group B on goal difference after a comfortable Four-Two win by Les Bians of Eauz. Surprisingly, Starblaydia are level on points with Atlantian Oceania-Powerhouse Vilita, who were on the end of a huge upset as an early Charlie Bowman penalty kick was the decider in their contest against Nova Britannicus.

Though Jakkinho's protestations for being tangled up in the Eauz Water Closet-Paper were ignored by the referee, Eomer Hall equalised for Starblaydia after Vasser had put Les Bians in front. Lax defending, forgive the pun, left Starblaydia staring down the wrong end of a three-one scoreline at half-time. Though Roberto Di Bradini scored with an immaculate free-kick midway through the second half, he was booked for displaying a well-toned torso to a section of Eauz women. Though they obviously loved it, it wasn't the ref's Cup of Tea, or even Water and he promptly booked the twenty-eight year old PARANOiA UNiTED player. When interviewed by a plucky journalist afterwards, the ladies claimed that they hadn't asked for that kind of behaviour from young Di Bradini and also really disliked his display, though anyone going through video footage from earlier in the match when he was playing in that corner of the pitch in the first half would probably claim otherwise. Typical Eauz women, what can you do?

Vasser made if four-two shortly after and consigned Starblaydia to yet another defeat in the opening match of a World Cup, their third in a row. Still, even though Starblaydia have lost, the edge is taken off of the defeat and replaced by a lovely warm glow as plucky Nova Britannicus showed their heart and beat Vilita. Ha-ha!

Final Score:
Eauz 4 - 2 Starblaydia
(Vasser 20 + 82, Daintan 40, Rousseau 45) - (Hall 23, R Di Bradini 60)

Jeruselem

22-12-2004, 14:56

Jeruselem Sports News

Jeruselem in Group Huh?

Jeruselem were placed in Group H for Huh with some old friends for the World Cup 19. This included Squornshelous, Dance 2 Revolution (the one who bumped us out of World Cup 17), and Druida whose U21 team Jeruselem beat to make the finals of the U21 World Cup 9 (AND WE WON, by default).

The government wouldn't comment about being called "Turkey" as Jeruselem being Israel has never got on with the Turks in first place.

On match day 1, Dance 2 Revolution did in the Crusaders again! While Jeruselem was the favourite, D2R bowled over Jeruselem 2-1 in a game they should have won. Jeruselem struck early with a goal to captain Silverstein and D2R struck back with two goals in the second half. D2R discoed, funked, rapped, tapped, grooved, balleted and of course danced their way around the pitch to a team more used to the tough tactics of more normal teams.

Squornshelous drew with Druida 1-1 to make life easier for Jeruselem. Jeruselem have a must-win game against Druida next and actually hope D2R win again against Squornshelous.

Final Score:
Dance 2 Revolution 2(Über 56', Assergorp 90')
Jeruselem 1(Silverstein 28')

Group H
Spain (Squornshelous)
Mexico (Dance 2 Revolution)
Turkey (Jeruselem)
Russia (Druida)

One Red Dot

22-12-2004, 15:50

To: President Alvin Ker <a_ker@asword.gov.rd>
From: Head Coach Chris Gwee <cgwee@asword.gov.rd>
Subject: WC19 Qualification
Sent at: 10 June 2010 2000h (GMT)

Good evening,
This is to inform you that the draw for World Cup 19 has been completed. We were drawn into Group F, alongside 'best-in-the-world' Rejistania (1), 'middle-unpronouncable' NEWI Cefn Druids (13) and 'well, well, well, look who's here?' Wella (42).

Based on previous experience, I don't think we'd do well. We lost to NEWI Cefn Druids 0-1 back in the 1st round of the previous cup. We had defeated Rejistania in WC11 qualifiers and WC17 1st round 2-0 and 2-1, but also drew to them 2-2 in WC11 qualifiers and lost to them twice 0-2 and 1-3 in the WC17 qualifiers, so I think it's a lemon for us this 6th time. As for Wella, we defeated them twice in the WC14 qualifiers 2-0 and 1-0. But this time even though they have improved a lot, I still think we can defeat them.

I predict we'll be third, but if we get really lucky and defeat one of the big guns, we might just slip through the cracks.

From Chris Gwee
Head Coach, Red Dot Wolves

To: President Alvin Ker <a_ker@asword.gov.rd>
From: Head Coach Chris Gwee <cgwee@asword.gov.rd>
Subject: Matchday 1
Sent at: 12 June 2010 1800h (GMT+8)

Good evening,
This is to inform you that we had a devastating loss this afternoon. We played against NEWI Cefn Druids and despite our best efforts, we were humiliated at the end 0-5 at the Flavento Stadium in The Belmore Family. One goal after another only made Sheng-Wai look like a primary school kid running after flying balls. We will be playing against Wella next on the 17th at Grippa International also in The Belmore Family at 8.30pm, and hopefully we can turn this around.

From Chris Gwee
Head Coach, Red Dot Wolves

The Irish Brotherhood

22-12-2004, 16:09

:confused: What is this world cup thing all about???

Eauz

22-12-2004, 16:27

Le LIBRE

Match Day 2 Preview

With match day one over, Eauz saw their offence had come alive, against a tough team from Starblaydia. The coach was a bit upset over the defence, but understood that the Starblaydi offence is strong in itself. Group B has a few days off, and the coach for Eauz is expecting to train their defence again. One guy though who has stayed strong is Devereux, who is nicknamed the brick wall, for his strong defence. Eauz will need the brick wall to be healthy for the next match, as they will face off against Vilita. Les Bleus will be playing at the Cednia Beach Center, which holds around 81,000 people and 123,000 standing room areas. It is expected that the stadium will be packed over this amount, to watch these two teams play. Vilita is expected to have a form of “home field advantage”, as Turori fans are very close to the nation of Vilita. It will be assumed that the fans will once again have a part in the match, and Eauz will have to look deep inside them to hope for a victory in this match. One could use the cliché “must win game” for both Vilita and Eauz, but Eauz doesn’t “have to win”, but would love to and qualify immediately. If Eauz wins, they could possibly knock Vilita out of the cup and send them packing home. This would all depend on the Starblaydia/NB match. If NB loses, it could leave the door open for Vilita to qualify. If Vilita wins, and Star wins, it could result in a big mess with all teams at 3 points and 1 – 0 – 1 records. When asking the coach about the future match, he said: “We just have to go out there and play our game. We tried to stay calm in that first match, and it helped us. Getting the guys all hyped over one game will not help, as it could result in a mishap of the team, and bring down a loss. We are just going to practice, and play our game when it comes” Eauz is hoping that they can win the second match, and not fall into the same trap they have in the past, but they will have to hope that the real Vilitan team doesn’t show up.

Audioslavia

22-12-2004, 19:49

2:45 - Kionao Park, The Belmore Family

Audioslavia care-taker manager Dave Mill leads his side into an empty Belmorian tunnell. Behind him are ten Audioslavians decked out in claret and green stripes and another, slightly taller Audioslavian in the trademark silver 'keepers kit. The players talk to each other and do that perculiar jumping-on-the-spot thing that they do to look athletic. Dave Mill acts differently, standing still whilst taking the odd nervous look behind him.

Thirty seconds pass before the white, blue and red shirts of Cockbill Street come out, lead by a man who is instantly recognised by Dave. The two men had gone through the infamous Escape to Slavery story in WC11, and hadn't seen each other since the 'Not-Quite Champions' party for the Audioslavian WC12 football side, which Lee played in but Dave didn't. Lee Branson and Dave Mill were great friends in their playing days at Cornellby City, but Lee Branson was busy playing/managing Melmondian football sides and hiding out in Cockbill Street for them to meet up since they hung up their boots. Now it was the time, surely, for the two old friends to reunite...

Dave: Lee... hi man, good luck today man, its cool to be playing you, y'know, hows things?

Lee: .....mmm...

Dave is bewildered by Lee's response, until he looks back and sees the entire Cockbill Street side, their media contingent, all the kitmen and the top brass, quickly scramble to hide their listening-equiptment. It seems theres a touch of paranoia in the 'Street about Lee's motives for the match. Lee gives Dave a sheepish smile, and the two sides walk out onto the field.

3:01 - Kionao Park, The Belmore Family

Dave sits and admires Lee, the famed player/manager of the WC12 side, as he paces around screaming obscenitites to a load of dwarves. At one point, Lee gets so agitated he stamps on the ground and shouts nasty things at it, to the tune of a few thousand Audioslavians cheering. It appears Arie Jansen has thumped the ball past Stuart Underwood for one-nil. The assistant manager, Terence Bannock, turns to Dave Mill

Terence: YES! Absoloute beauty wasn't it?

Dave: aye, aye yeah. Who the hell is that Cockbill goalie?

Terence: I dunno errm... Stuart, Stuart Underwood.

Dave: Ah yes, i see. Why is he playing?

Terence: Well the other choice was Johnathon Havell.

Dave: Who?

Terence: You know, the guy who we scored five past in WC17, and scored three past in WC18. Audioslavia have never not scored when Johnathon Havell is playing in the CS goal.

Dave: Ah i see... well... this new guy doesn't seem to be a better option, look at that, what the hell is he doing with that wall? Ally can hit them free kicks from there, he's not covered his near post at all.

THUD! Marriot smacks the free kick
GRUNT! A dwarf displays his contempt for the positioning of the wall - by means of a grunt - as the ball flies to his right
CLICK! The ball clips the left hand post and nestles in the back of the net. Stuart Underwood is stood looking at it helplessly.

The Audioslavian bench jump up in the air as Marriot sprints towards them with his arms held in the air. Dave smacks the air triumphantly as Marriot runs and hugs him. The 'slaves are 2-0 up after just eight minutes.

3:15 - The De La Rocha Arms Inn, Cornellby, Audioslavia

Les and Barry are stood inside the pub, grinning, laughing, joking and watching the screen.

Les: It's brilliant innit?

Barry: What?

Les: Watching every other 'slaves-'street game. We'll play brilliantly and whup them, and then we'll have a drab draw, and then we'll whup them again. Watching the whuppings is brilliant telly

Barry: Not for the 'streetians it isnt

Les: Aye but, you know what i mean... oof... that lasse almost scored for them, nice header. What is it with lasses playing football?

Barry: These are foreign lasses though, theyre all butch and icky

Les: Aye but its still annoying, especially when Spaam used to beat us with a load of girls. Yeesh that pissed me off

Barry: Yeah but you have to remember, foriegners don't have women, they just have 'bumpy men'.

Les: Heh, hey whats Arie Jansen doing?

Barry: Aaah he should cross it, CROSS IT MATE, ah fuck man wha.... YES!!!

Les: COME ON! THREE-NIL! HAHAHA, Who the fuck is that 'streety goalie?

Barry: Johnathon Havell

Les: Nah it isn't, they wouldn't pick him for another Slave/Street game surely, nah its someone else

Barry: Well he plays in goal for Cockbill Street, so he can only be one thing

Les: What?

Barry: Blind

Les: Hahah!... 'Underwood', thats the name on his shirt

Barry: Ah yeah, he plays in Melmond, he's actually pretty good apparently

Les: He's pretty good? A pretty good goalie wouldn't have let that shot run under him, it was a shit shot from a stupid angle and he still missed it

Barry: He's streetian mate, you can't expect him to have, y'know, hand-eye co-ordination.

Les: I suppose. 3-0. Nice one

Druida

22-12-2004, 20:24

Recent cuttings from The Tribune Tribune.

DRUIDA'S DRAW LOOKS TOUGH
By Trefor Blackmore

Druida have been drawn into Group H for the forthcoming World Cup, meaning that they will have to make the long trip to The Belmore Family. Once they get there, they will come up against some familiar and some not so familiar opponents.

Squornshelous are probably most familiar to Druidan fans right now, as the two sides faced each other on the way to the finals. In their two encounters, both sides won once. However, without their avid home support, the rainbows could struggle against considerably better opposition. (Squornshelous beat Druida in the group by a considerable distance.)

Jeruselem and Dance 2 Revolution have never played Druida before, but there should be two more tough games for the rainbows. Jeruselem have been around for years, despite only making their second finals appearance here, and will know the game a lot better than their Druidan counterparts. Dance 2 Revolution were beaten finalists eight years ago, so they are definately a team of high pedigree.

So will the rainbows make it through the group? It doesn't look too fantastic for them right now, but it is by no means impossible. Expect the usual kind of Druidan performance, a brilliant first two games putting them in prime position to qualify from the group, before bottling it at the last and going out due to some freak set of results.

FOOTBALL MANAGER KALLINS SHOT!
By Trefor Bayley

Druida manager Trefor Kallins was shot dead last night as the Druidan national teams' flight to The Belmore Family was boarding. Kallins, 58, was taking Druida to their second World Cup finals in two attempts, after also being the most successful manager of NEWI Cefn Druids in their history, winning two AOCAF Cups and reaching the World Cup Quarter Finals under his leadership.

The Druida team will still be going ahead with their fixtures in TBF, starting with Squornshelous next Tuesday. It has not yet been decided who will manage the team for the remainder of the cup.

SQUARNING SIGN
Trefor Blackmore on Squornshelous 1 Druida 1

I know what you're thinking, a 1-1 draw against Squornshelous is good, right? Well, actually, you'd be wrong!

Druida were awful, and were it not for the fact that Squornshelous looked about as interested as an intellectual with a Mr. Men book, they would have got absolutely battered. Not one of the Druidan players gave a performance that deserves even a mention here, and even our goal was a lucky Own Goal after a bit of confusion between defender and goalkeeper after a long punt upfield.

Jeruselem will hardly be quaking in their boots at what they saw, but with a decision to be made on who will be managing the rainbows to hopefully be made before that game, maybe we will see a better performance than the one we saw last night. Well, I say maybe, what I mean is hopefully.

Druida

22-12-2004, 20:57

*We are in the office of Druidan President Margaret Smith. His unnamed helper enters...*

Unnamed helper: "Er, sir, we need you to see to the football manager situation urgently."

President Smith: "Ah yes. Well can't you sort that out?"

Unnamed helper: "Sir, the Druidan constitution clearly states that the President must choose the national football manager. Hell, you are the one who wrote the damn thing!"

President Smith: "Well, er, OK."

Unnamed helper: "By the way, I have a visitor for you."

Presidnet Smith: "You do?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, you always go on about meeting extraordinary people from around the world..."

President Smith: "Yeees?"

Unnamed helper: "Well may I bring to you, the Oldest Man in Eauz!"

*Unnamed helper leaves the room, before the oldest man in Eauz comes in.*

President Smith: "Ah, welcome to our country. You must be tired?"

Old Eauzian: "No, I'm not. I slept all the way here. An outside while I was waiting to come in."

President Smith: "How long were you waiting there for?"

Old Eauzian: "I don't know. Probably about three days or something."

President Smith: "Three days! That's probably my helper's fault. He keeps banging on at me about getting a manager for the national football team. Apparently I have to appoint them. Anyway, so how old exactly are you?"

Old Eauzian: "Oh, um... the last time I checked, I was 387."

President Smith: "Jeez, that's really old! Um... do you have a name at all?"

Old Eauzian: "Well, I did, but it's so long since they gave me it that it's worn away."

President Smith: "Oh. That's a shame... Hey, wait a minute, you're from Eauz aren't you?"

Old Eauzian: "Um... yes?"

President Smith: "And they won the World Cup twice yes?"

Old Eauzian: "I think I remember something like that, but I don't really take much motice of that kind of..."

President Smith: "And at your age, your obviously experienced. Do you want to be the Druida manager?"

Old Eauzian: "Well... er... I don't know what to say!"

President Smith: "Just say 'oui', old man, just say 'oui'."

Old Eauzian: "Oui? But..."

President Smith: "Good man, good man! I'll get my helper to tell the press immediately!"

*And with that, Druida had their next national team manager. How will he get on? Well, put it this way, it doesn't look good does it?*

Shonar Bangla

22-12-2004, 22:56

................patiently waits for second day's results to be declared..................not so patient anymore..........clicks refresh seven times in one minute...........punches the screen..........goes to the bathroom wishing that scores are back by the time of ass-wiping and flushing........scores not there yet........grabs his AK and goes on a rampage.........

Svecia

22-12-2004, 23:02

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

SVECIA GIVE GAME TO HOSTS
Team's halftime decision "very generous" says de Fijts

Svecia 1 The Belmore Family 2

- An intimidating warmup. Discustingly uniform. A spectacular performance. These were all characteristics on display in Belmorian International Stadium last night. But it wasn't either of the teams that showed these - it was the crowd.

A highly partisan crowd of 75.000 Belmorians inside the stadium and over twice that many outside the stadium and millions more around the city simply overwhealmed the 20.017 that were inside the stadium. And with every move downfield the Lightning made, the noise only increased.

So at halftime, with the game drawn at 1 each, the Svecians huddled together and decided to throw the game. "The atmosphere was just too intense" said Hanan Belagt, of the teams decision. "We decided we had to let the home side win."

"With all the angry fans in there we felt it was in our best interest to not win" said Mikael Solskjaer, the Lightning's lone goal scorer. "We didnt want to end up getting stuff thrown at us, and plus its always nice to see the hosts win. We didn't want to make any enemies in our first match in TBF."

Head coach Matt de Fijts claimed he had nothing to do with the decision. "Honestly I had nothing to do with their decision" he claimed. "I went along with it though, and to be honest with you, its a very generous and unselfish thing to do. We've been in the World Cup so many times that its getting kind of rediculous. I think the players just like travelling. And we like having a nice world ranking. It looks good on their resumes."

The fans were not so happy with the decision, but couldn't really do anything about it. "Well of course we're not happy to see our team lose and pay all that money, but the experience is certainly something we'll never forget" said Jessika B. of Vilämna. "I'm looking forward to them taking out Total and Utter Insanity and The Lowland Clans though" she added.

Asked if the team was going to throw more games, goalkeeper Piet van Meer said, "Of course not. We love winning, its just that TBF really deserved that win. And we felt we'd at least give their fans something to cheer about before they have to take on the next two teams. We know we can beat the TnUI and the Lowland Clans."

"I honestly can't wait to win" finished de Fijts. And honestly, neither can we.

The Eagles Nest

22-12-2004, 23:03

TEN Ties Adam Island

Points Given Away In Opening Match

The Strike Birds allowed a late goal by Adam Island to sneak throuh, leaving the final score at 1 apiece. With games against EL CID THE HERO and Bedistan left to play in Groiup Play, the Nest now find themselves fighting for a transfer splot insterad of having 3 points, and a bit of confidence that they had gotten their first group win...however it was not to be.

No word on how Bedistan vs. EL CID THE HERO came out, but odds are that Bedistan won. The Nest needs to get a win in their next game or their chances to move on to the round of 16 will be slim to none.

In other news today, it was discovered that the Colony of Vorpal Bunnies imploded 9 days ago. How no one in the Nest realized this....is strange...very strange. Rumors of secret cloaking experiments by the Nest navy are abounding. Calling it the "Phiquelphia Project," local voodoo artist Leroy Biggers says that he saw ships when he was younger phase in and out, and the bunnies, they were fused into the ships. It was awful." The government and military deny such a project ever exist.

Rejistania

22-12-2004, 23:30

Jaja Telu: That's it, The Orange-Blues lose 0:1 against of all teams: Wella! Back to the studio, I'm going to get drunk... really drunk!

Sirake Tekim: No abysmali booze hopefully...

JT: I slani do not care what it is! In want to get drunk!

ST: Elin Ri tried abysmali booze before and it worked only in causing insane headaches the day after.

JT: Then I at least slani do not think about this horrible match!

ST: You will think about it all the time because it caused you the headache!

JT: Lanja, but I do not want to think that much into the far future after the Orange-Blues got trashed by Wella!

ST: They were not trashed, 0:1 is hardly a trashing!

JT: 0:1 is a disgrace!

ST: Indeed, but not a trashing! and well, remember the old saying in world cup 9?

JT: I was a wet dream in my parents' mind at that time!

ST: 'It's not a loss if it's lower than 0:3!'

JT: That does not count anymore, we are defending world champions!

ST: I just wanted to cheer you up by putting this loss in a perspective.

JT: You failed! I'll start boozing...

ST: That term is rejlish! Use proper english!

JT: Okay, I'll start drinking hooch until I pray to the porcelain god, and think all the time that we would have won if Wella would have played in different kits!

ST: Why do the kits matter?

JT: They were kits from Adam Island, mer'slani!

ST: Adam Island? Make right*!

JT: honestly, they did! Watch the match re-cap.

ST: Why?

JT: Because Adam Island is, like, the team which totally jinxes us?

ST: Makes sense. Doesn't WCC rules prevent that?

JT: TnUI did kill an entire national team and got away with it...

ST: err... right! I thought the WCC was totally buerocratic.

JT: It is totally exaggarated!

ST: Maybe... but I thought there was a rule against it...

JT: There is no rule against us wearing orange-blue in the stadium even though this breaks every rule of good taste!

ST: You do have a point there.

JT: and so the WCC allowed Wella to play in the colors of Adam Island! Isn't that insane?

ST: it is. I guess the Orange-Blues are now last?

JT: I have no idea at all, since I have no idea how the other games ended.

ST: I see.

JT: And now, I'm away... drinking! Va veka!

ST: Va dary!

*Sirake here translates a rejistani expression word by word, same thing as he critizised Jaja for.

Adam Island

22-12-2004, 23:47

AI Manages Draw

May 1985 - The Belmore Family - The Adam Islanders came into the game with low expectations, facing the high-ranked Strike Birds from The Eagle's Nest. They barely met them, thanks to a late goal by midfielder Jeremiah Lipski.

AI was outplayed for most of the match, allowing 7 shots on goal. Keeper Paco Naccarato was able to stop all but one, a bouncing ball that hit the grass at an odd angle, confusing the otherwise superb goalie. Defender Terrence Sieck apparently had some harsh words for Naccarato, and the official had to seperate their shouting match that resulted.

Adelaide Haakenson had a poor showing, not even getting a shot off. The other attackers were also stymied by the excellent TEN defense.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/spartacus_007/Adam%20Island/vsTEN.jpg
Adam Islanders trying to stop a TEN striker.

With only 1 minute and injury time remaining in the match, Haakenson volleyed the ball over to Celina Fesperman, who drew back and ran around the defender. She juked to the left and then shot the ball to the right clear past keeper Boyd Gregor.

Gregor kicked it downfield, but neither team was able to get anything going and the game ended in Adam Island's first tie ever, 1-1.

Turori

22-12-2004, 23:48

Shonar Bangla Shows Up on Wrong Day

----------------The Football Association of Turori were forced to turn away thousands of angry Shonar Banglarian fans from outside the National Stadium in Almintora today, after the upstart nation was learned to have delivered the wrong date to supporters looking to attend the matchup between Shonar Bangla and Tadjikistan. Both teams opened with a draw on Matchday 1, and knew that a victory was the only way they would find themselves in the Round of 16, with the loser surely packing their bags for an early world cup exit.

----------------In the other critical Group A matchup, Turori host Iansisle, in what is expected to be a table-topping clash, with the winner almost assured qualification through to the next round, with both teams expected to win their final ties very handily. Turori Eels national goalkeeper Miluaou Slietah is in sensational form, being nearly single-handedly responsible for Cednia Beach AFC's rise to Champions League stardom, posting an unbeaten record after 4 groupstage matches, and already being assured of qualification to the knockout stages with two more matches to play.

Cockbill Street

22-12-2004, 23:48

Sarzonia

22-12-2004, 23:50

Melmond

23-12-2004, 00:10

A World Cup 19 Preview
Yep! We Are Picking Audioslavia To Win again!

The preeminent World Cup preview is back in its seventh edition! We shall take a look at all the sides competing against each other in Turori and The Belmore Family for football’s great prize, if not the greatest prize in sports, the World Cup. And this time around, the preview itself has a competitor in the Graham City Sun based in The Lowland Clans. However, their preview will certainly not win this challenge put to the Melmondian preview as they do not predict anything from the Round of 16 on! Pathetic n00bs. Anyway without further ado, let us see what is in store for World Cup 19.

Turori

Group A

Kicking off our World Cup preview is the side from Iansisle. Iansisle is coming off an unprecedented performance in their last World Cup, a suprising third place finish and a place forever on the NationStates World Cup map. Iansisle once again looks to be a strong side and should be on top of this relatively weak group.

However, the host nation of Turori may have something to say about Iansisle running away with the group. This young side featuring some players in the Melmond Premier League is talented and eager to please the home crowd.

Tadjikistan may be overrated by many Melmondian publications as the nation has been awed by the play of Tadjik native and striker for Aldi Reds Idris Koshevoi. His national team does seem a bit disorganized and shouldn’t be able to top Iansisle and Turori.

Shonar Bangla is a very dedicated and hard working side, but they just seemed to be outpaced by their competition here. However, watch for this nation to do very well in future cups.

Prediction
1. Iansisle
2. Turori
3. Tadjikistan
4. Shonar Bangla

Group B

The quasi-hosts of Vilita has always fielded a strong team in each of the World Cups they participated in, but somewhere this side always seems to fall flat somewhere before the semifinals. Unfortunately as tough as this group is, we see that happening again.

The rouge nation of Eauz seems to be going under the process of communization. It is where you take the best, strip all their talent and spread it around to other sides. Soon Les Bleus will find out communism blows and find their groove again in football.

Starblaydia is in their third World Cup and we expect some good things from this side. They seem rather organized and fired up and could take one of the top two by surprise and do well in knockout rounds.

Nova Britannicus, a nation affiliated with Starblaydia, will have to play the football of their lives to even get to the knockout round as tough as this group in.

Prediction
1. Eauz
2. Starblaydia
3. Vilita
4. Nova Britannicus

Group C

Audioslavia, for the second straight cup in a row, is our choice to win the entire World Cup. However, we are not picking them to win their group. Why is that? Because although we believe they have the best combination of talent, management, and intensity in the tournament, there is a group of hungry Streeters ready to take the group.

The Capitalizts of Commerce Heights is much like the US dollar. It still is relatively strong compared to other currency, but is on the downslope. With hungry sides like Audioslavia and Cockbill Street, we don’t see them advancing.

Lovisa has always surprised the doubters who leave them for dead in every preview written. This side doesn’t have the fire that Lovisa sides past had, but that won’t stop them from pulling off an upset or two. This time around, they will have to surprise us again.

Ah, the Streeters of Cockbill Street. This is a good side which really seems to get slighted every which way. However, with Audioslavian Lee Branson at the helm at manager and a side very hungry to do well, we think they will really surprise and win this group.

Prediction
1. Cockbill Street
2. Audioslavia
3. Commerce Heights
4. Lovisa

Group D

Kaze Progressa is coming off a phenomenal performance in the last World Cup in which they came one goal short of winning their first ever World Cup. Although the talent remains on this side, there are very hungry and talented sides in Melmond and Sarzonia which can take this side by surprise.

Our beloved Fearless Farmers of Melmond are next in the preview, and this is a formidable group, but after a disappointing World Cup 18 campaign, we see this side rebounding to the form which got them third place in World Cup 18. However, unfortunate knockout round matchups will keep them from going further.

Crystilakere is a moderately talented side with a moderately talented manager. However, moderate will not be good enough with teams with spirit like Sarzonia, pure talent like Kaze Progressa, and a combination of both like Melmond.

Sarzonia can be really dangerous this time around. They are a side with some talent and lots of inspiration and perseverance after suffering setback after setback when deserving better. They remind one of Melmond’s third place World Cup 17 side.

Prediction
1. Melmond
2. Sarzonia
3. Kaze Progressa
4. Crystilakere

The Belmore Family

Group E

Svecia is always a very solid side that one can count one going to at least the Round of 16. The Lightning should do that this time around and maybe more.

Our pick for disappointment of the tournament would be Total n Utter Insanity. The Insancians don’t look like the power of the past and playing against the likes of the always consistently good Svecia, talented and hungry The Lowland Clans, and hungry hosts The Belmore Family, they will find themselves in the cellar.

The Lowland Clans side is one of the better ones in recent memory, unfortunately with the hosting side The Belmore Family and consistent Svecia in their group, they will be left out of the knockout rounds.

The Belmore Family looks to key on this opportunity of playing in front of their countrypeople to bring themselves back from mediocrity, and they may actually have the organization to do so this time around.

Prediction
1. The Belmore Family
2. Svecia
3. The Lowland Clans
4. Total n Utter Insanity

Group F

Rejistania can’t help but be favored despite their relatively weak qualifying run. They are the two time defending champions. They are certainly favored to win this group and get into tournament form and go far.

NEWI Cefn Druids is a lot of under pressure. Not only is there great strife in their homeland, but the Druids also have to try to get into the knockout round for a change. We think they can change their luck in the first group.

Although they may have won Melmond’s qualifying group, One Red Dot’s success will STOP.

Wella made it through the wilderness of qualifying, somehow they made it through. But the wilderness of the World Cup final will prove to be too much for this side.

Prediction
1. Rejistania
2. NEWI Cefn Druids
3. One Red Dot
4. Wella

Group G

The Eagles Nest may have struggled for the first time ever in qualifying, but the Strike Birds should make it to the knockout stages in this top heavy group.

Despite being drawn in the second pot, Bedistan looks to be the class of the group and is the heavy favorite to win it since their closest rival, The Eagles Nest, has been struggling of late.

EL CID THE HERO has fulfilled their promises of qualifying lately, but they show no promise into making it any further in the World Cup.

Adam Island is an excellent story, making their first ever World Cup and beating storied sides like Rejistania and Eauz, but we feel that they will return to reality in this World Cup. They are a side to watch however in future tournaments.

Prediction
1. Bedistan
2. The Eagles Nest
3. Adam Island
4. EL CID THE HERO

Group H

The Pschychoes of Squornshelous appear to be the class of this group with their combination of talent and firepower. I am sure they appreciated that pun.

After their second place high in World Cup 17, the Revolutionaires of Dance 2 Revolution seem to be leveling off a bit. They will have a hard time fending off the likes of Druida for that second spot in the knockout rounds.

The Crusaders of Jeruselem were a nice story last time around, but in their second World Cup, their fortunes don’t appear that they will change in this group.

Last but not least, we have the Rainbows of Druida. This side looks to rally the momentum of the political revolution between Druida and NEWI Cefn Druids. Also, they can play wide open football by repelling defenders with their hideous uniforms.

Prediction
1. Squornshelous
2. Druida
3. Dance 2 Revolution
4. Jeruselem

Round of 16
Starblaydia over Iansisle
Eauz over Turori
Sarzonia over Cockbill Street
Audioslavia over Melmond
NEWI Cefn Druids over The Belmore Family
Rejistania over Svecia
Bedistan over Druida
Squornshelous over The Eagles Nest

Quarterfinals
Sarzonia over Starblaydia
Audioslavia over Eauz
NEWI Cefn Druids over Bedistan
Rejistania over Squornshelous

Semifinals
Audioslavia over Sarzonia
Rejistania over NEWI Cefn Druids

Finals
Audioslavia over Rejistania

Vilita

23-12-2004, 00:30

Sarzonia would like to know when Day 1 scores will be published for all to see.

Sarzonia in Mistaken Placement Case

----------------The Vilitan Football Association were given a surprise on the eve of World Cup Finals Matchday 2, when the Sarzonian delegation interrupted an important National Press Conference, hosting dozens of International Mediatypes from many of the nations participating in the World Cup 19 Finals, to address an issue that was better suited for the board of discussion, just on the other side of the street from where the conference was taking place.

----------------Upon the plainly uncovered request for information on when all matches would be completed, the representatives on hand from Vilita promptly assured Sarzonia that all matches had been completed, and the results and tables had just been released. While they stressed that there were no hard feelings about the one-off case of mistaken placement in the form of a question, the Vilitan Delegation hinted that there were better places to address such issues, created soley for the purpose of addressing such issues, and urged the Football Association of Sarzonia to utilize these in the future.

Audioslavia

23-12-2004, 02:03

7:44pm - A hotel room, The Belmore Family

Assistant manager Terence Bannock walks into Dave Mill's room. Dave is hunched over on the bed, crying

Terence: Woah, woah, Dave, whats up man?

Dave: Gargh, haven't you heard of knocking?

Terence (opening the door again): Nope, no ones knocking

Dave: I meant YOU you twat

Terence: Oh... sorry, why are you crying dude? We just won three-nil, were top of the group, just need a couple more points and were good as through

Dave: Exactly! Exactly! And now everyones like 'oh theyre gonna win'

Terence: And thats a bad thing?

Dave: I CANNAE TAKE THE PRESSURE! LOOK AT THIS!

Dave hands Terence some newspapers

Terence: So Melmond are predicting us to win it all?

Dave: YES! EVERYONE ALWAYS SAYS WE'LL WIN IT, AND WE NEVER DO!

Terence: Who's 'everyone'

Dave throws some more newspapers at Terence

Dave: Melmond, Vilita, EVERY COUNTRY's PAPER IN THE DAMN WORLD PREDICTS US TO WIN, ITS NOT FAIR

Terence: Hey come on, since when has any Audioslavian manager suffered from pressure?

Dave looks up at Terence, eyes still wet with tears, cigarette in one hand, vodka in the other

Terence: Hey, you don't smoke...

Dave: I... DO... NOW...

Terence: OK so youre having a tough time, but still, my point was most Audioslavian managers don't suffer from pressure

Dave: Look at Lee Branson at Cockbill Street

Terence: Well yeah... but

Dave: And Kenny Lravitz? He was pretty pissed off

Terence: Thats because the TnUFBI assasinated him, dufus

Dave: Exactly! Jesus christ, and we have to play Lovisa and Commerce Heights, theyve both beaten us enough times.

Terence: We've put five goals past Commerce Heights before, and beat them 3-0

Dave: Yeah but, y'know, they beat us once. And Lovisa beat us 2-0

Terence: That was decades ago

Dave: Aargh!

Dave stubs his cigarette out on Terence's face and goes down to the hotel's bar

Terence: Ouch. Jesus christ why do we still have a caretaker manager, why couldn't we have got someone useful...

Melmond

23-12-2004, 03:47

Piao! Right In the Kisser!
Lee Grays Striker Leads Crystilakere in 2-1 Win Over Melmond
By Henry Kalangalangalang of the Melmond City Herald

MLIONA-LPAKA, TURORI—There was great hopes going to the match against Crystilakere in a hopelessly sold out Iobabao Legendary Park in Milona-Lpaka, Turori. After an amazing World Cup debut and a not so spectacular second trip, the Fearless Farmers seemed prime to combine the inspiration of the first World Cup side with the pure talent of the second World Cup in this their third World Cup side. This was supposed to be the gimmie match. Surely the fired up Fearless Farmers will get at least a point against a highly ranked but lowly touted Crystilakere squad.
It was a rather gorgeous evening in Mliona-Lpaka as the sun just starts to set during opening festivities. The temperature was downright balmy as it usually is on this island colony of Vilita. National anthems were played, fireworks were in the air, and the atmosphere was electric. Once the initial kickoff was made by Melmond midfielder Jake Cormier, the play on the pitch was just as electric, much to the chagrin of the Fearless Farmers.
On paper, the matchups clearly favored the Fearless Farmers as they have the more touted manager and side. Also, Crystilakere is side that focuses on attack, and Melmond’s specialty under Manager David Bixler is that physical defence which wears down the opponents attack into submission by the time the second half starts. It is widely known if you want to beat the Fearless Farmers, score early and often. Unfortunately, the Crystils fully knew this fact, especially striker Reidulf Piao. Piao plays his club football in Melmond as most of us know, starting for the Lee Grays, where he won an MPL title with the club in his first year with them. He had very useful knowledge about Melmondian style football, and used it to the Crystils advantage.
At the unlucky 13th minute, Crystilakere earned a free kick after a foul was called on Melmondian midfielder Pauline Hulme for away from the ball shoving. The free kick was taken and blocked by the Melmondian wall, unfortunately Crystilakere striker Reidulf Piao had the presence of mind to find a wide open midfielder Nina Nonaaia, in turn Piao got behind the Melmond defence and Nonaaia sets a quick cross in which Piao dives and heads the ball into a wide open net as Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm wasn’t quite ready for the fast and furious set piece. Piao’s goal puts Crystilakere up 1-nil.
Fast and furious attacks coming off of set pieces continued to hurt Melmond. Although Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm was able to sniff out another free kick set piece, it was an unprecedented quick throw in which caught the Melmond defence by surprise at the 30th minute which put Crystilakere to a surprising 2-nil lead. As Crystilakere midfielder Nina Nonaaia was running out of room while being marked by Melmond defender Notint Hecloset, Nonaaia kicked the ball right at Hecloset, having him ricochet the ball out of bounds for a throw in. Nonaaia seemingly instantaneously makes a throw in to a remarkably wide open Reidulf Piao who chips the ball over the reach of fast-approaching Snhp Xtfuinxm. Crystilakere takes the 2-nil lead and lots of the momentum into the half time.
As the Melmond defence was uncharacteristically ineffective against the speedy Crystilakere side, Manager David Bixler decided to fight speed with speed making some substitutions on the backline. The more physical players, Veronica Dean and Trav Strachan, were benched in favor of some speedier defenders, namely Maxwell Wong and Nana Bird. This strategy seemed to help much more as the Fearless Farmers were able to thwart the rapid fire Crystilakere attack with the added speed in the backline. However, as Melmond started chipping away at the momentum, some tempers flared as Melmond midfielder Peeko Noodleschlausen was taken down pretty hard with a rough tackle from Crystilakere Nina Nonaaia. Nonaaia would get the first booking of the match with a yellow card at the 55th minute, but Melmond didn’t convert from the free kick as midfielder Jake Cormier’s kick went over the bar.
However, the Fearless Farmers would eventually reach within one goal at the 64th minute where Melmond midfielder Alfred Smith intercepts a bad pass by Crystilakere midfielder Massimiliano Rosi. Smith then finds Jake Cormier who dribble past two Crystilakere defenders and finds Tim Remans on the doorstep as Crystilakere goalkeeper Alwasi Tystrup could not intercept Cormier’s pass and Remans easily gets it into the open net. Melmond makes the score 2-1.
After that goal, the focus of the match shifted to the other striker for the Fearless Farmers, nineteen year old Gene MacDougall. Melmond controlled most of the possession of the ball during the third quarter of the second half, and Melmond midfielder Pauline Hulme was looking to make a cross in which MacDougall can head. However, while trying to get position, he basically runs over Crystilakere defender Salvatore Redaelli without abandon. For that overzealous effort, MacDougall gets a yellow card at the 78th minute and no scoring chance for Melmond.
However, Melmond will get their best chance to score the equaliser at the 88th minute. The quicker Melmondian defence makes a great counterattack noticing that many of the Crystilakere defenders moved up too far from their defensive posts. They now play the role of fast and furious as the Melmond midfield finds striker Tim Remans, who has Gene MacDougall on his side and in the way of the net was one Crystilakere defender and goalkeeper. As both keyed in on stopping Remans, he makes a quick pass to MacDougall. MacDougall has the chance to tie it by striking in the virtually unmanned net, but his shot goes over the bar! Minutes later the final whistle sounds as Crystilakere rejoices in the mild upset while Melmond goes back to the ol’ drawing board for their really big match against Kaze Progressa.

Goals
Piao, CRY 13th
Piao, CRY 30th
Remans, MEL 64th

Cards
Nonaaia, CRY 55th
MacDougall, MEL 78th

Standings

Other Group D Result
Kaze Progressa 0 – Sarzonia 0

Group D
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Crystilakere 3 1 0 0 2:1 1
2. Kaze Progressa 1 0 1 0 0:0 0
3. Sarzonia 1 0 1 0 0:0 0
4. Melmond 0 0 0 1 1:2 -1

Team Stats
Goals: Tim Remans (1)
Cards: Gene MacDougall (1)

Melmond World Cup Schedule (all in Turori)

v Crystilakere (Iobabao Legendary Park, Mliona-Lpaka) L 2-1
v Kaze Progressa (Iobabao Legendary Park, Mliona-Lpaka)
v Sarzonia (Kionao Park, Kionao)

Next Game
vs. Kaze Progressa (Iobabao Legendary Park, Mliona-Lpaka)

Well, it is a simple as this, if the Fearless Farmers lose, they are out of contention to qualify for the knockout round. So this is a must no lose game. Of course, a win would be preferred, but Kaze Progressa is a very tough side despite being chosen to finish third by the Melmondian preview publication. There is quite a bit of pride in this match as it not only means World Cup survival, but bragging rights as even the musical community in both of these eco-capitalist nations got into friendly boasting about their national sides. Both sides will have something to prove after getting off to a slow start. A win would be best, but the Fearless Farmers better not lose. Despite the strong play of Maxwell Wong and Nana Bird on the backline in the last match against Crystilakere, Manager David Bixler plans on keeping his starting lineup the same as the last match, showing confidence that they can control the tempo this time around. Here is that starting lineup.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Notint Hecloset
D- Veronica Dean
D- Charles Unne
D- Trav Strachan
M- Peeko Noodleschlausen
M- Alfred Smith
M- Pauline Hulme
M- Jake Cormier
F- Gene MacDougall
F- Tim Remans

For tickets to Turori and the match, call the Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. There are few tickets reserved so call very soon!!! Although being a colony of Vilita, Turori has a unique culture of its own, although the living conditions aren’t nearly as good due to their naïve socialist economic ideals. Nice people though anyway on this island.

Sarzonia

23-12-2004, 04:51

Path to knockouts must clear Crystils

Despite recent accounts dubbing Sarzonia's southern neighbors and upcoming opponents Crystilakere the weak link in Group D of the 19th World Cup finals, the Stars know better than to take the Crystils for granted. Crystilakere is ranked 20th in the world despite "moderate" talent, according to fellow World Cup opponents, 12 spots ahead of the Stars, who have become known throughout the world as a gritty, if unlucky team.

"We've got a tough one ahead of us," Coach Dave Wilson said. "This is going to be the game both of us have circled on our calendars as the one to win, so we're both going to throw everything we've got at the other team."

The Crystils (1-0-0, 3 points) are coming off a stunning upset of 12th ranked Melmond in the World Cup finals opener for both sides and the Kaze Progressa-Melmond match will take on an urgent air for both teams with the stunning loss and with Kaze Progressa coming off a scorelless draw against the Stars. If the Stars win, they would be tied for first with Kaze Progressa at worst and could possibly be one point clear in sole possession of first place at best.

Wilson said the team would keep its 3-5-2 lineup intact but he was also considering starting longtime forward Anton Gregor in place of Barry Alphonso alongside team captain and son Brian Wilson. Gregor is coming off a torn ACL suffered at the end of AOCAF III and he captained the second choice team in the fourth AOCAF tournament.

"I'm ready to go," Gregor said. "I've been waiting for a chance to get back on the pitch for this team for a long time now."

The Stars said they'd need him. Despite winning three of the four meetings between the teams, the loss came in the quarterfinals of the eighth Cup of Harmony. They said they know better than to count the Crystils out.

"That's going to be a rivalry match like none other," midfielder Darwin Russell said. "Throw the rankings and the records out the window when we face them."

Bedistan

23-12-2004, 06:56

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Not the "Dead Guy on a Horse" Again...
Lions win, but Bedistan fans aren't happy

DATELIAN, The Belmore Family -- Two sets of Lions came to the Alan Belmore Tribute Stadium Monday night to face off in their first match of World Cup Nineteen. Some were wearing green and blue, while others opted for red and yellow instead. Yes, it was another matchup between Bedistan and EL CID THE HERO, played this time in TBF rather than in Eauz like it was four years ago. Having lost to EL CID last time, Bedistan was in the mood for a little revenge.

The match started off well enough. Team captain Jackson Reinhardt was away playing for Carter FC in the Champions' League (though given their performance there, I think he'd rather be in TBF), so midfielder Nick Yu, currently in the process of being transferred from Alan City to Progressan club Islanders, wore the captain's bracelet for this match. He did a solid job of leading the team, coordinating both offense and defense, as Reinhardt's usual partner in crime Sven Cardinal lit up the scoreboard in the 21st minute. It didn't take long for the other Lions to remedy that oversight, though, as Barry Trotter made a nice run up the right sideline to hammer in the equalizer. The score was tied at one as the two sides headed to the locker rooms for halftime.

Halftime ceremonies were disrupted by a nude man running onto the pitch claiming to be Belmorian president Alan Belmore. Alas, an identification check made after the man was apprehended proved inconclusive -- his name was indeed Alan Belmore, which narrowed him down to one of about two billion people. Luckily, the President was apparently in his office in Alan City at the time, so no harm was done to his reputation.

After halftime, things bogged down a bit, with EL CID's wingers taking a slightly more defensive stance and keeping many potential Bedistani shots well outside the goal. In the 73rd minute, Bedistan defender Carl Chang made a somewhat less-than-clean tackle on Sid Kan, and while he wasn't carded for it, EL CID did get a free kick. As usual, Keanu Brown came up to take the kick. Before the match, the Bedistan players all reminded themselves that if a free kick were to occur, they were absolutely forbidden to look at Sid Kan unless he himself was taking the kick. Kan's antics during a qualifying match for this Cup cost the Legalese team a point, and Bedistan was determined not to allow the same to happen to them. Thus, when right-winger "Huggy" Dash suddenly tripped and fell, the Bedistani team believed it to be genuine. Brown took advantage of his opponents' lack of concentration and scored a pretty much unopposed goal from 22 yards out. Bedistan manager Mike Davidson was already running toward the referee before the ball even reached the goal, but all his shouting only got his removal by force from the stadium. Demoralized by falling for this trick, dubbed the "Dead Guy on a Horse" manuever by the Legalesian press, the Bedistani team was never able to recover, and had to swallow a hard two-one loss.

No team members were available for comment after the game.

As Adam Island and the Eagle's Nest played to a 1-1 draw, that leaves Bedistan -- yep, you guessed it! -- last in the Group G table. Not unexpected, at any rate.

Final score:
BEDISTAN 1 (Cardinal 21)
EL CID THE HERO 2 (Trotter 26, Brown 74)

Next match
Bedistan's next match is against the Eagle's Nest, and it is a must-win. A draw will make it extremely difficult to move on (especially if Adam Island defeat EL CID). A loss would knock us completely out. Basically: better win this one, guys. Good luck -- you'll need it.

Editorial
by Tom Gaines
We recently found this little gem in a copy of the Melmond City Herald (we get all kinds of international newspapers here -- it really helps us keep you informed). Basically, it's about Bedistan's World Cup group (relevant parts highlighted):

Group G

The Eagles Nest may have struggled for the first time ever in qualifying, but the Strike Birds should make it to the knockout stages in this top heavy group.

Despite being drawn in the second pot, Bedistan looks to be the class of the group and is the heavy favorite to win it since their closest rival, The Eagles Nest, has been struggling of late.

EL CID THE HERO has fulfilled their promises of qualifying lately, but they show no promise into making it any further in the World Cup.

Adam Island is an excellent story, making their first ever World Cup and beating storied sides like Rejistania and Eauz, but we feel that they will return to reality in this World Cup. They are a side to watch however in future tournaments.

Prediction
1. Bedistan
2. The Eagles Nest
3. Adam Island
4. EL CID THE HERO

Upon seeing this article shown to me by my good friend Dan over in marketing, I immediately burst into laughter. Bedistan to win the group? The "class of the group" and the "heavy favorite"? Poor Melmondians...they seem to be living a good ten or fifteen years in the past. If Bedistan make it to the knockout stages, I will take the entire Sports Digest editing staff out to dinner at Antonio's on Market Street and foot the bill myself -- we're talking several hundred bakrani here. If they win the group...you will see me nude on top of a bright pink '37 Fillmore X200 in the middle of rush hour on I-70 -- waving an Aquillan flag. We're not living in the forties anymore, folks. Our team does not have what it takes to win a World Cup, and barely has what it takes to participate in one at all. TEN and EL CID will have this group locked up, no question about it.

Crystilakere

23-12-2004, 07:02

Crystils thwart Melmond in Opener

The Crystilakere Crystils opened up the World Cup Finals with an impressive 2-1 victory over outspoken Melmond in Mliona-Lpaka, Turori. The Fearless Farmers continue to underestimate the ability of the Crystilakere players, even after the Crystils came out on top, but will have a long time to think about these views when the Crystils end up in the second round. The hero on the day for Crystilakere was foward Reidulf Piao. Piao knew all the ins and outs of his Melmond opposition due to his playing for the club Lee Grays in Melmond. Nina Nonaaia, the teams youngest player, found Piao clear behind the Melmond defense and Piao's header could not miss to give the Crystils the early advantage.

The Melmond goalkeeper, who's name we could not read or even pronounce was less than impressive in the first half. The Crystils were again able to capitalize through the teamwork of Nonaaia and Piao, after a long throw from Nonaaia found a legally offside Piao in acres of space and Crystilakere was 2 goals in the lead. Melmond would fight back in the second half, as surprise starter Alwasi Tystrup, the Crystilakere Under-21 Goalkeeper misjudged a Melmondian pass leaving the recipient wide open to notch what would only be a concellation for the fearless farmers.

In other group D action Sarzonia and Kaze Progressa drew leaving Crystilakere atop the table. The Crystils will face Sarzonia, who will be making their World Cup Finals debut, and the Crystils would like to welcome them to the big show with a crashing defeat on Matchday 2. This draw comes after a dissapointing World Cup Qualifying, where despite winning an un-spectactular group, the Crystils could not sweep their Oceaice rivals, falling to the pirate nation and splitting the first series between the teams.

Group D
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Crystilakere 3 1 0 0 2:1 1
2. Kaze Progressa 1 0 1 0 0:0 0
3. Sarzonia 1 0 1 0 0:0 0
4. Melmond 0 0 0 1 1:2 -1

Crystilakere

23-12-2004, 07:15

Crystils Under-21 outclass Melmond

The Crystilakere Crystils Under-21 team outclassed the Melmond Fearless Farmers in their World Cup 19 Group Stage opener Among the Under-21 regulars being handed a dream debut in the World Cup Finals were Under-21 and 3rd-choice Goalkeeper Alwasi Tystrup. Under-21 Defender Alpha Siboldi performed well enough in his debut to earn a spot in the starting World Cup roster. Midfielder Nina Nonaaia earned a place as first-choice midfield substitue, despite being the youngest member of the squad, while Under-21 teammates Massimiliano Rosi and Giovanni Quira were given a taste of International action, and will return to training with the Under-21's. Only Midfielder Giuseppe Zucco, and Fowards Reidulf Piao and Todaer Pold went into the Melmond match with any previous World Cup experience. But that all changed at the end of 90 minutes. Not only did the Crystilakere Under-21's get their experience, they also came away with all three points.

Crystilakere Crystils (The correct roster for future matches)
HEAD COACH: Hazem Emam
U-21 COACH: Boubacar Dragov
ASST COACH: Liali Munavelli

GK Emiliano Addis
D Alpha Siboldi*
D Filippo Ferraro <- He Scores Headers Off Corners
D Donato Arrigoni
M Oussent Nón
M Darren Whelan
M Giuseppe Zucco*
M Sebastian Wolf
F Reidulf Piao*
F Carlo Romano
F Toader Pold*

SUBSTITUTES
GK- Gaetano Novello, Alwasi Tystrup*, Alcir Barbara*
D- Alejandro Ayala, Dimitri Ferraro, Francesco Schiavon*, Salvatore Redaelli*, Rene' Niljssen*, Abdelilah Escobar*, Jules Hitoto
M- Nina Nonaaia*, Maurizio Cavallo, Riccardo Vecchi, Paolo Gallo, Massimiliano Rosi*, Giovanni Quira*
F- Christian Benedetti, Benjamin Kuhn*, Michael Baker*, Noel Adiguzel*

Iansisle

23-12-2004, 07:58

“‘Shonar Bangla’” snorted coach David Westmore. “Sounds like a bunch of damn Gallers! Honestly, everyone knows Gallers can’t play football!”

“Isn’t there a law against that?” asked offensive coach Alex Truman, scratching his newly formed bald spot in confusion.

“Well, if there isn’t, there ought to be!” declared Westmore with a definitive jab of his finger.

“Shall I run the boys through some more drills?” asked Truman after a brief lull in the racism.

“Nah!” insisted Westmore. “They need to be good and relaxed for running over ‘Shonar Bangla’ to-morrow - tell ‘em to go and get a good night’s rest instead.”

The next morning dawned bright and clear. If Rana Ali had been expecting a large contingent from Iansisle in the stands, he would be sorely disappointed - nearly every sports fan in Iansisle was still watching replays of the Cherry Cup VII final. Five hardcore Ians fans sat near midfield, their red and white colors standing in bright contrast to the sea of Shonar Banglans and Turorians around them.

“Introducing the sister team of the CHERRY CUP CHAMPION IANSISLE GULLS! the Iansisle Ians,” read the announcer.

“I hate my life,” grumbled David Westmore.

The Ians played the first half of the game like they believed the announcers - Westmore was absolutely furious when they walked back into the dressing room tied 1-1.

“What are you girls doing out there?” he demanded, “this is just a bunch of Gallers - come on, we need to uphold our prestige!”

“Yeah!” agreed Newman Capston, who had declared himself captain and hand-sewed a ‘C’ onto his jersey while no one was paying attention.

“Shut up, Capston,” said Cotton, the real captain, irritably. “Coach, these Bangalis better than you led us to believe. We should have -”

“Shut up, Cotton,” said Westmore in turn. “If you jerks don’t get up and play, I’ll... I’ll - no booze for a week!”

“Aw, coach,” groaned Cotton.

“No talking back, or I’ll make the ban permanent. Now, either win, or you’ll have no rum for a whole week!”

“All right, right,” grumbled the players as they were called back onto the field.

Not too much later, the Ians were up 3-1. Unfortunately, the author was called out of the room and didn’t get to report the rest of the match. Reliable sources indicate, however, that the team will be off its booze ration for a week.

Vilita

23-12-2004, 10:13

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/vpi.gifInternationstatal Rating System for Actual Performance related to Expected Performance

------------The Vilita Peformance Index, a ratings system initiated in World Cup 15, and Revamped for World Cup 19, used to rate the performance of any National Team in any particular group-format Competition based on their performance within their group in relation to their expected performance (Projected through the KPB Rankings system). Or: VPI not as a ranking system, but a good measure of how teams are performing relative to expectations. For example, in Euro 2004, Greece would have had a higher VPI than Spain and France while all were level on 4 points after 2 matches.

What do the Values Mean?

[00.00] A Team Performing EXACTLY in line with expectations would theoretically have a VPI of 0.00.
[-1.00]-[01.00] A Team performing within +/- 1.00 VPI would be considered "Within Expected Performance Range." While they may have performed slightly above or below expectations, the results did not stir any special media attention, either positively or negatively.
[-1.00]+ A team with a rating of less than [-1.00] Will likely have made headlines throughout the cup for their underperformance. A rating of [-2.00] or more would have probably seen more than one manager change.
[01.00]+ A team with a rating of greater than [01.00] Will likely have made headlines throughout the cup for their excellent performance. A rating of [02.00] or more would have probably seen headlines in the News section of the paper, not just the sports.

World Cup 16 Example: Although Ineptia had a better Ranking than Lykaia, and Lykaia scored more points than Ineptia, Ineptia's move from Second to First in the Table is a bigger step than Lykaia's, as the Strength of the teams Ineptia had to overcome to take first was much more difficult than that of Lykaia needing to take second, crowning Ineptia at the Top of the VPI-16 Listings.

VPI Ratings :: WC19Q :: Matchday 14
----------------------------------------------
1 Wella [04.97] Group 4
2 Adam Island [04.25] Group 7
3 EL CID THE HERO [03.00] Group 6
4 Shonar Bangla [02.93] Group 9
5 Piquantrax [01.86] Group 10
6 One Red Dot [01.76] Group 5
7 Zvarinograd [01.59] Group 8
8 Runaway Moose [01.51] Group 3
9 Crystilakere [01.45] Group 3
10 Finrods [01.42] Group 10
11 Phazania [01.30] Group 5
12 Nova Britannicus [01.19] Group 4
13 Lovisa [01.01] Group 9
14 Eauz [01.00] Group 7
15 Hammerund [00.93] Group 9
16 Jeruselem [00.88] Group 3
17 Huahin [00.86] Group 2
18 Antixilian Fatwah [00.83] Group 8
19 Druida [00.79] Group 1
20 Pterodactyl [00.69] Group 4
21 Chonchland [00.64] Group 6
22 Oddslavo [00.64] Group 2
23 The Weegies [00.64] Group 6
24 Dead Rockstars [00.50] Group 1
25 Oceaice [00.43] Group 3
26 Fmjphoenix [00.43] Group 5
27 Haperd [00.43] Group 2
28 Vorpal Bunnies [00.43] Group 1
29 Vilita [00.43] Group 10
30 Legalese [00.43] Group 6
31 Big Pimento [00.42] Group 9
32 Munchkinloopa [00.36] Group 6
33 Middle March [00.32] Group 8
34 Cockbill Street [00.29] Group 2
35 Lexmarak [00.29] Group 1
36 Hiiraan [00.21] Group 7
37 The Immaculate Youth [00.21] Group 2
38 Lykaia [00.21] Group 8
39 Hisam [00.18] Group 4
40 Nastic [00.14] Group 10
41 Audioslavia [00.14] Group 8
42 Tadjikistan [00.00] Group 10
43 Taokoualu [00.00] Group 1
44 Lennon Marx [-00.0] Group 5
45 Sarzonia [-00.1] Group 8
46 Squornshelous [-00.1] Group 1
47 Anglevia [-00.2] Group 4
48 Starblaydia [-00.2] Group 1
49 7JM [-00.2] Group 3
50 Melmond [-00.2] Group 5
51 Kylaai [-00.2] Group 7
52 The Lowland Clans [-00.3] Group 8
53 Commerce Heights [-00.3] Group 2
54 Sliponia [-00.3] Group 6
55 Slaikau [-00.4] Group 8
56 Nonesuch Street [-00.4] Group 2
57 Aquiliana [-00.4] Group 4
58 The Evil Umpire [-00.4] Group 7
59 Dance 2 Revolution [-00.5] Group 10
60 NEWI Cefn Druids [-00.5] Group 6
61 Krytenia [-00.5] Group 1
62 Svecia [-00.7] Group 2
63 Kipto-Mare [-00.8] Group 5
64 Oaker [-00.9] Group 10
65 Lethislavania [-00.9] Group 3
66 Giant Zucchini [-01.2] Group 10
67 Rejistania [-01.2] Group 7
68 Raptor Claw [-01.3] Group 9
69 Liverpool England [-01.3] Group 4
70 Iansisle [-01.4] Group 3
71 Total n Utter Insanity [-01.4] Group 4
72 Esth [-01.4] Group 7
73 Eystrck [-01.6] Group 9
74 Kaze Progressa [-01.8] Group 6
75 Bedistan [-01.9] Group 9
76 The Eagle's Nest [-02.0] Group 5
Average VPI: [00.17]

What does this mean in Comparison?

Well first off, the Average VPI [00.17] shows the accuracy of the results. I think 00.17 is close enough to [00.00] to assume the results correct and accurate, so lets have a look.
In World Cup 16, the highest VPI was Ineptia [06.73] which is much higher than Wella, the greatest over-achiever of this cup. However, World Cup 16 had only 6 teams per group, so we should look at more general trends.
In World Cup 16, 14 teams performed greater than the highest acceptable normal VPI of [01.00]. In Comparison, One less team (13) performed above this level in World Cup 19, However, 1 team, Eauz, performed at this level, so we can consider approximately the same amount of teams performed above the acceptable performance range in World Cup's 16 & 19.
World Cup 16 saw 2 teams withdraw, but forfeit matches instead of being expunged. This caused the Lowest VPI in history, of [-4.50] However, removing this result, 12 teams performed worse than the acceptable performance range for World Cup 16. In World Cup 19, 11 teams performed worse than this range, again, virtually identical numbers.
We can assume that the extra nation outside the acceptable range on both ends of World Cup 16 can be attributed to the 12 extra nations in the World Cup 16 rankings. (The percentages look like they will fit nicely).
What does this test? The scorinator of course. So while there may have been some teams that felt short changed (My heart goes out to The Eagle's Nest) during World Cup 19 Qualifiers, and some that got a lot of possibly un-deserved help from the random generator function (Wella.), the results, in the end, were no worse than those produced in World Cup 16. :)

The Belmore Family

23-12-2004, 11:36

Alan City Stadium shakes as the crowd cheer at last minute winner!

2nd Half reaction

The teams returned to the pitch. The crowd were louder than ever, trying to pull round and throw their team to victory. As Alan Belmore walked out you could see a tear in his eye. However all sentiments left the team when whistle blew and their heart was on playing the best 45 minutes of football in their life.

However Svecia were looking strong. Hannes Ljungberg inniatied their best move of the half. He made an awesome tackle on the halfway line and took the ball into the Belmorian half. He flew a long ball down the wing to Lars Svensson who collected and found himself pressuirsed by Wickersham. However he nutmegged Wickersham and crossed the ball into the centre. Hanan Belagt jumped and blasted the ball with his head onto the cross bar. The ball rebounded out but cleared by Paul Battersby.

However this did not dampen the Belmorian spirits and thet came very close on the 76th minute. A bundled clearence by Oskar Falköping found its way to Robin Aggleton. Robin calmly crossed the ball into the centre but it was cleared for a corner. Bradburry played the corner short to Edward Mitchell. Mitchell played it back to Richard Herreros-Symons who let leash a thundeorus shot which just went past the right post.

However a goal did come in the dieing minutes of the game. Alan Belmore was brutally hacked down by Gottlieb Frisk. Hugh Bradburry placed the ball. The crowd went silent. The wall stood still. Bradburry looked up. He muttered something under his breath then strode up. He struck the ball cleanly and it seemed to hang in mid air. The goalkeeper stayed rooted to his spot and the ball popped into the back of the net. The crowd went wild. No-one even expected TBF to get a point in this match and thus delighted to see 3 points staying with the home team.

FINAL SCORE:
THE BELMORE FAMILY 2

SVECIA 1

NEWI Cefn Druids

23-12-2004, 11:44

Now on CBN, Björn-Trevor Frederiksson presents...

BTF in TBF!
Your essential NEWI Cefn Druids centred World Cup 19 show.

...and what a show it is tonight, as the Druids have won their opening game of the tournament. Well, I say won, that's just a teensy bit of an understatement. I'll read the score out again, just in case you still havent seen it. One Red Dot 0 NEWI Cefn Druids 5.

Of course, the victory is largely down to one man, and that's Alan Belmore. No, not the leader of this land we're in right now, or indeed anyone from this place. Hell, no! This Alan Belmore is Druid through and through!

Of course, you all know about him already, his performances are largely the reason why we've made it, but today, in front of his namesakes, we can now pose the question, "Is our Alan Belmore the greatest Alan Belmore ever?

I know, I know, ours scored a hat-trick and laid off two more for Owens and Posters, but there have been many other ABs to have graced the international stage, most of whom originating from here in TBF. We asked some fans leaviong the One Red Dot game what they thought...

Druids fan: "That guy is a footballing genius, if he can perform to that standard on this stage, he must be the greatest, no doubt about it!"

ORD fan: "He ripped us to pieces tonight, if that guy isn't an all-time great, then I don't know who is!"

Lost TnUI fan: "Uh?"

Belmorian: "That kid was Alan Belmore? No way! Surely everyone knows Alan Belmores are Belmorian?" *He is told of Belmore's Belmorian ancestory* "Well, we've missed out there, haven't we? He's still nothing on the original and forever the best Alan Belmore to ever grace this stage. You know who I mean."

So there you have it, it seems that young Alan Belmore's performance against One Red Dot is being hailed as one of the greatest ever. Indeed, The Daily Druid gave Belmore 17 out of 10 for his performance, he was that good! But the big question is, can he keep it up for the next match, the big one against Rejistania? The Orange-Blues lost their opening match, against Wella of all people, so they'll be desperate to bounce back from that. However, with the Druids on a high after their 5-0 obliteration of One Red Dot, this will be one hell of a game!

I'm BTF in TBF, and I'm off to party! 5-0! Woohoo!!!

Total n Utter Insanity

23-12-2004, 12:15

Our pick for disappointment of the tournament would be Total n Utter Insanity. The Insancians don’t look like the power of the past and playing against the likes of the always consistently good Svecia, talented and hungry The Lowland Clans, and hungry hosts The Belmore Family, they will find themselves in the cellar.

Insanician 1: Dammit, they are at it again!

Insanician 2: What does it say?

Insanician 1: "TnUI suck. TBF and TLC need a happy meal."

Insanician 2: Well we can't fault 'em on the first point, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna let 'em be right twice. Here's 2 Meeps, go buy TLC and TBF some food.

Insanician 1: That'll show 'em.

Total n Utter Insanity

23-12-2004, 12:46

Lowland Bank of Clan

Insanician: Hello, is anyone here?

Lowland Clanner: Down here.

Insanician: What you doing down there?

Lowland Clanner: Are you making fun of my height? That's illegal, you can get in major trouble.

Insanician: I had no idea you people were so short.

Lowland Clanner: You people? Are you are heightist and a racist?

Insanician: What? No! I just noticed everyone is of…not bigger…status around here.

Lowland Clanner: Well I'll let you in on a little secret; we use to be called the Low Clanners. They had to add land after a couple of nasty lawsuits.

Insanician: Really?

Lowland Clanner: No, we are dwarves you idiot!

Insanician: Damn you.

Lowland Clanner: What do you want? I'm a busy man...dwarf.

Insanician: I'd like to make a withdrawl.

Lowland Clanner: How much?

Insanician: 3 points please.

Lowland Clanner: There you go.

Insanician: What's the quickest way to get to the Bank of Svecia?

Lowland Clanner: Through that door, take a left, second right, third left, fourth right and then the second vortex on the left.

Insanician: Thanks.

The Lowland Clans

23-12-2004, 14:08

*The All-seeing Camera of RP-dom opens up to a rather plush office room, complete with fake Cockbill Streetian alpaca carpet and fake Rejistanian wood desk. In the room is a rather petite man with a suit on. He's plump, and sits straight up, and has too much whitener on. His name is Uptie T. Lawer. In the room is his faithful wage slave, El Servant.*

UL, in high pitched monotone shriek: EL SERVANT! COME HERE!

EL Servant: I am here, Uptie.

UL, in same shriek: It seems the Insanicians have published a paper that's derogatory of our nation, it's bank and *pause* DWARVES. They claim that we are all short and *pause* EAGER TO SUE! What should we do EL SERVANT?

EL SERVANT: Err...sue?

UL: EXACTLY! Now, get a pad and paper and dictate this message to the Isanician GOVERNMENT!

To: Whomever it may CONCERN!
From: Uptie T. Lawer, Eagr T. O. Susan Law Firm

This is an OUTRAGE! You're citizens are racists, heightists, and anti-DWARF! You also claim that we sue at the drop of a HAT! I, myself being an outstanding member of the Lowland Clan Law community, totally disagree with that FINDING. You also insult a segement of the population that doesn't exist in our COUNTRY. Horrible I SAY! This is false ADVERTISING! BIGOTRY! Defamation of CHARACTER!

If you wish to defend against the current three-hundred fourty seven POINT five charges we are filing against you in COURT, then contact our defnse division at Area Code: 104 903-7666. Have a good DAY.

SINCERELY,
Uptie T. Lawer

Post SCRIPTUM! - We are not HUNGRY!

Total n Utter Insanity

23-12-2004, 14:21

Isanician Government Building, Isanicia.

Pteer: Why do we keep getting all this mail from outraged people we have never heard of?

Pual: Dunno. Maybe we should change our name to something less like Insanicians.

Vilita

23-12-2004, 19:58

Rousoi Pressured to Concede

------------------------Eauz National goalkeeper Michel Rousoi has been under increased pressure to concede goals in Eauz's World Cup 19 Finals Matchday 2 Group B clash with the Vilitan Jungle Cats. Rousoi, who plays in the Vilitan Stellar Division for Strike FC, has reportedly been threatened to not have his contract in Vilita reknewed if he makes the saves that prevent Vilita from achieving victory over Eauz. A loss to Eauz would see The Jungle Cats out of the competition, bar a victory over Starblaydia larger than the Blades can accomplish over Nova Britannicus, and a Eauzian sweep of the group. A win for the Jungle Cats against Eauz, coupled with Starblaydia dealing with it's empirical others would see the group locked on 3 points, with the Matchday 3 victors going through, or being decided on goal differential. Vilita currently hold the advantage over Starblaydia on goal-differential after the Blades lost by 2 goals to Eauz on Matchday 1.

------------------------Fans also began a rally outside the home of Michel Rousoi and his wife in Lonngeylin, Vilita, but the Vilitan Oribital Intelligence Agency was quick to disperse the situation and punish any of those impeding on the personal privacy of Mr. Rousoi and his family.

Turori

23-12-2004, 20:12

Turori look for at-home Boost

The Turori Eels will be going into their Crucial World Cup 19 Finals Matchday 2 clash with Iansisle looking to grab a boost from the home crowd at the National Stadium in Almintora to send them clear into the next round of the competition. Most analysts agree that the Winner of the Turori-Iansisle matchup will go on to win Group A, or at least clinch qualification on 4 points. The Eels were dissapointed, but not dejected with their opening-ceremony matchup draw with Tadjikistan, and hope to build on a decent performance with a memorable one against Iansisle. Victory over the Ians, Cherry Cup Champions, could very well be the biggest result in Turori National history. While other top opposition have been knocked off, including then-World Cup Champions Eauz in the semi-finals of the Eagles Cup III, which Turori went on to win, none of the results have come in Turori at the World Cup Finals. In the other Group A matchup, Tadjikistan and Shonar Bangla will fight out in what, for Turori, will hopefully end up as a draw.

Vilita

23-12-2004, 20:13

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif

Vilita Ready for Decisive Eauz Clash

------------------- Vilitan head coach Helmut Vilkaus enters the Jungle Cats first-ever clash with Two-Time World Cup champion and known communist craze Eauz knowing that a loss would certainly be his last in charge of the Vilitan senior squad. Vilkaus, who has been head coach of the Vilitan National Team since their first ever World Cup appearance, during World Cup 13 and the opnening match war of words with now-neighbors the Lowland Clans that put Vilkaus on the map. However, the storied Vilitan coach has been under loads of pressure since falling to a 0-1 defeat at the hand of lowly Nova Britannicus, meaning any more points loss could be doom for the #5 ranked team in the world. The loss was Vilitas first in 30 World Cup Finals & Qualifying matches, an all-time record for the team. However, the Vilitan Football Association cited in-ability to reach the Semi-Finals of any senior event, with the exception of Cup of Harmony 14, in their ultimatum to the long serving Vilkaus. Loss to Eauz would also be the first time since World Cup 15 in Eauz that the Vilitan senior side would have lost twice consecutively.

-------------------There are no surprises in Vilkaus's lineup, with captain Santo Kecker returning in midfield, and the experienced Arcticala Inlet forward Serge DuPont getting the nod to partner Callum Banda in attack over the in-form Riccardo Appolloni. Vilkaus has cited Appolloni's exerts in the Champions League with club team Yeaddin Owls AFC as the main force behind his choice of DuPont. Vilkaus opts for Two defenders on the bench, in Andrea Lamberti and Ricky Ezis, giving a well rounded choice of substitutions, also including midfielders Marasent Sioane and Jacques Vintila.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/teamsheet.gif
Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Esemar Aliana, [D] Sibusiso Azaïez, [DMC] Jürgen Ramzi, [ML] Santo Kecker, [MC] Umberto Melli, [MC] Inaki Soler, [MR] Antonis Siazzu, [FC] Callum Banda, [FC] Serge DuPont,
BENCH::
[FC] Riccardo Appolloni, [FC] Germán Salomón, [M] Jacques Vintila, [M] Marasent Sioane, [U] Andrea Lamberti, [D] Ricky Ezis, [GK] Bryan 'Pop' Duiker,

Turori

23-12-2004, 20:22

|-------------- Finals Matchday 2 Scores Telegrammed --------------|

Shonar Bangla

23-12-2004, 20:35

Almintora-- After a long seven game undefeated streak, a streak that saw a victorious Shonar Bangla over teams such as <a target="_blank" href="http://searchmiracle.com/text/search.php?qq=Bed">Bed</a>istan and Big Pimiento, the Bangalis were finally humbled here in Turori against the Tadjiks. In the face of an explosive hat-trick from Tadjikistani star Ter Gasparian, the Bangalis had really little alternative than a defeat.

As of now, the results of the other group match between Iansisle and Turori is unknown. The chances of Shonar Bangla's qualification are now very slim, especially considering that the next game is with home team Turori, but as coach Ali commented, "We want to end this tournament on a positive note."

Edit: This is just in, the equations for Shonar Bangla's qualification are extremely slim. For qualification, Shonar Bangla must defeat Turori 4-0/ 5-1, so on, as well as a Tadjikistani victory or draw over Iansisle.

Starblaydia

23-12-2004, 20:55

Starblaydia have Negative Vilitan Panty-Line Index
Boxer shorts blamed for Minus rating
Article from Starblaydi Vogue and their crazy Female Writers

"I stand by my fashion decisions," said Tarquin De La Cruz, Team Starblaydia's kit designer, "the use of briefs provides unsightly lines that ruin the look of my creations on the gorgeous, toned, tanned, pouting, sleek... Mmmmm. Now, where was I?"

Why the statisticians of Vilita are creating such an Index is beyond me. Is there something they're not telling us? Our second opponents at the Cedina Beach Thingy in the World Cup have a huge VPI, however. We think that rating is down to a prevalation of Y-Fronts in Nova Britannicus, rather than the more stylish sorts of underwear.

Of course, this gives us a perfect oppurtunity to have lots of pictures of footballer's bums in our magazine! Hooray! (Ed: Online pictures removed due to copyright, sexuality and decency issues. And damn your slightly early-by comparison scorination.)

Dance 2 Revolution

23-12-2004, 21:05

Squornshelous fails to fully pull off revenge

They will have to settle for the point

Squornshelous were left writhing after a 'Reserve' Dance 2 Revolution side managed to take a point out of the stadium.

Line-Up
GK:Kendynda Kay
RB:Getoritos Derinda
LB:Jiklintos
CB:Nixa Kirotopniyis
CB:Qi
DMC:Xont
LM:Trix
RM:"El Salvador"
AMC:Seri Yurijionto
F:Ezak Assergorp
F:Qwertz

Sub Bench:
Über
Kendyna Kehsoot
Verdio Day
Jiangin
Naoki Maeda Jnr.

Maeda had said after the Jeruselem game that he planned to play players that did not get frequent starting places against Squornshelous, and he did just that, with only 2 players, Qi and Yurijionto, who were regular starters.

The experienced Squornshelous side played over the Revolutionary Reserves, as was expected when the teams were drawn up. Arnesson forcing a good reaction save early on from Kay.

Squornshelouss should have been 1-0 up in the 18th minute, when Raskolnikov's Free-kick hit the woodwork, and Gerrard could not steer the rebound under the crossbar.

Squornshelous' break came in the 21st minute, when Gerrard managed to flick a delightful ball through to Raskolnikov who then placed it over the out-coming Kay for 1-0.

Squornshelous kept coming at D2R but just couldn't findn the 2nd goal to bring comfort into Squornshelous' game, even though D2R had shown no signs of scoring.

Dance 2 Revolution got a chance to equalise from the spot when Qwertz slipped past Darwin, and was caught by the despairing lunge for the ball. Qwertz demanded to take the spot-kick, and placed it neatly past Speer, who correctly guessed the direction, but just couldn't stretch out long enough.

Maeda took off the none-to-lively Assergorp and brought on Star-teenager Über for the second half. Über got into the game quickly and tested Speer from distance after skipping past 2 Squornshelous midfielders, but the goalkeeper had no problems collecting the shot.

Squornshelous deservedly got their 2nd goal through Arnesson. Arnesson dispossesed "El Salvador" and had Qi and Kay left in his way. Qi slipped and Arnesson ran into the box to smash a shot into the top corner for 2-1.

Dance 2 Revolution fell back for a little while, stroking the ball around and trying to get into the pace of the game before attacking at Squornshelous. Squornshelous had obviously seen D2R try this in the Jeruselem match, and at the first sniff of a loose ball, intercepted it. This happened 3 times between the 63rd and 73rd minutes, and each time Squornshelous broke away, it produced marvelous saves from Kay.

Dance 2 Revolution were realising that sitting back wasn't working in their favour so switched to pressing again. Über tested Speer with a left footed high strike, which Speer hit onto the bar and out for a corner.

The corner was taken out-swinging by Substitute for "El Salvador"(54'), Maeda Jnr.. Über flicked the ball over his head and into the corner for 2-2. Speer may have got there but Green, who was standing at the far post, got in his way.

Squornshelous felt cheated in the 86th minute when Derinda hacked down Raskolnikov and the referee warned him for diving, even though there was clear contact.

Final Whistle

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2(Raskolnikov 21', Arnesson 52')
Dance 2 Revolution 2(Qwertz 34' (p), Über 79')

Next Match(vs. Druida):
The full squad should be back to take on Druida after their well earned rest. A win here will secure D2R 1st place in the table, regardless of the Jeruselem - Squornshelous result. We hope to not antagonise ourselves with a draw or loss. A draw would mean that Jeruselem and Squornshelous must draw(or Jeruselem win, depending on JER - DRU result, or Squornshelous win by only 1-0 and us not to have a no-score draw) and a loss would definately need a draw and Jeruselem have lost/drawn the JER - DRU match

Eauz

23-12-2004, 22:27

Le LIBRE

Conspiracy Everywhere

Amidst all the conspiracy of the Vilita-Turori connection and the idea that Rousoi would concede some goals and let Vilita win was swarming the air as the two teams entered the stadium. Fans from both sides were ready for a well-played match, as even Alan Belmore was on hand to watch the match. One of the reason for his visit was due in fact to watch Devereux and Rousseau, which he recently purchased for Alan City. Despite the conspiracy, both sides were ready to play, as the referee blew the whistle. Vilita started off with the ball and started attacking early. This was the first attempt for Rousoi to prove if he was convinced by the black mail or not. A Vilitan mid-fielder brought the ball up field, sending a pass towards the net. The ball sailed high, was headed by a forward of Vilita. Rousoi though made an incredible diving save to keep the Vilitan team off the board. The ball came back into Vilitan possession, but Rousoi was once again there to stop the ball. Strike FC owners looked on in dismay, as they didn’t like what they saw from Rousoi. During the 18th minute of play, Alia was on a break, after a long pass from centre field, but woops, the highway patrol was on duty, calling Alia off side. Alia was flustered by the call and argued with the referee. The referee was in no mood to listen, and wrote his name on a yellow card. The Vilitan fans were happy about that, and started screaming and yelling at Alia. Alia though would calm down and find himself, as during the 23rd minute of play, a long pass was received, and he took the shot, going top shelf, putting Eauz up 1 – 0. He ran over to the crowd and listened for any more mocking. The crowd quieted down, aside from Eauz cheers. Vilita though would not sit back, as they responded during the 28th minute of play off a corner kick. The mid-fielder took the kick, as it sailed towards the group. Out of nowhere, a mid-fielder seemed to have superman height in his jump, as he knocked the ball into the net, as Rousoi could only stand and watch. The Vilitan coach could break a bit, as he knew his job was on the line. Moving ahead, towards the 39th minute of play, Vilita was attacking again, as Camus was going after his man. He attacked, and knocked the player down, completely missing the ball. The patrol was on the scene again, booking Camus with a yellow card. Camus let it go, as the Vilitan player, despite being knocked up, was able to continue playing. Just before recess, Eauz put on a final attack to try and get ahead and put the momentum in their favour. A long shot was taken, going towards the net. The Vilitan keeper dove for the ball, and caught it, but it had appeared to have already crossed the line. The referees ruled, and declared it a goal, putting Eauz up 2 – 1 at recess. As the players left, Rousoi was talking with one of his Strike FC teammates.

Despite the momentum on the Eauz side, Vilita would not die out early, as during the 60th minute of play, some great moves by a mid-fielder got himself inside the Eauz defence, and a clear shot at the goal. The player sent the pass to the other side of the net, posting a 2nd goal for Vilita and tying the match at 2. The two teams would continue play, as neither was willing to give up anything. The pressure though was on Vilita to find themselves a victory in this match. Moving ahead, Vilita put on an attack during the 82nd minute of play as they managed a superb strike that would have left goaltender Rousoi without a chance, had it been on the inside of the post. They finally got it right though as the unusual 6 minutes of the injury time wasted down, a Vilitan player was pulled down, giving them a free kick. The Eauz wall prepared, as the Vilitan players decided on what plan they would do. Finally, the kick was taken, as it sailed to the left side of the wall, going towards the net. Rousoi appeared to be going for it, and then stumbled, and fell down. The ball went into the net, giving Vilita the 3 – 2 lead and the match. People started to wonder though, if the contract problems for Rousoi were there reason he might have “purposely” stumbled to not reach the ball. Despite the rumours, Rousoi denies it he was under pressure, saying “If we had won, I might have lost my job, but there are other teams to play for, and I would rather see my team win, my cleats just got caught and I fell to the ground.”

With the loss, Eauz fell into 2nd place in the group, as the incredible NB team tied against Starblaydia. The results places all teams in the hunt for qualifying for the next round. Match Day 3 will be the decider for these teams. The next match for Eauz is against the surprise team from NB, who tops the group with 4 points. Eauz will be expecting to win this match, but they should not get their expectations too high, for NB has surprised two other favoured teams, Vilita and Starblaydia.

Group B
GP W T L GF GA GD P
[1]Nova Britannicus 1 1 1 0 3 2 +1 4
[2]Eauz 1 1 0 1 6 5 +1 3
3 Vilita 1 1 0 1 3 3 0 3
4 Starblaydia 1 0 1 1 4 6 -2 1

Sarzonia

23-12-2004, 22:47

Stars prospects dimmed in loss

Despite Sarzonian Coach Dave Wilson's warning the team not to pay attention to the disrespect given by many prognosticators to Crystilakere's national team and despite the team's swearing up and down they would not take the Crsytils for granted, the Stars played their worst match of the World Cup 19 season, falling 4-1 to their southern neighbors.

Wilson was so angry after the match that he refused to appear at the post match news conference, leaving assistant coach Barry Owens to explain what went wrong.

"We played like [dirt]," Owens said. "We came in believing press clipping by a bunch of foreign idiots and we lost to a team we should have beaten."

The Stars actually started the match well, getting their first-ever World Cup finals goal from forward Anton Gregor, subbing for Barry Alphonso, who was a late scratch. Owens declined to explain the reason for the lineup change, but a team source said Alphonso violated a team rule. Reporters from the Woodstock Daily Mail wrote in late editions that Alphonso was carrying a loaded gun and was looking for Margaret. As of now, the team is denying the allegations.

"I'm not even going to glorify that with a response," forward and team captain Brian Wilson said. "The only thing worth mentioning is the fact that we lost and we're at the bottom of the group table on goal differential."

The Stars (0-1-1, one point) know their match against Melmond is a must-win by at least two goals and hope Kaze Progressa loses for them to have any chance to advance to the knockout stages. That combination would give the Stars a better goal differential than Melmond. Midfielder Darwin Russell said the team would have to focus on playing "Sarzonian football" and forget about formulae.

"We lost our chance to control our destiny," Russell said. "It's on us to make sure we don't contribute any more to our own demise."

The Eagles Nest

24-12-2004, 02:01

TEN In Dire Position

Scoreless Tie With Bedistan Leaves Group Mess

After inspired defense and more balls off of the posts for both sides than any normal fan could ever hope to endure, the final whistle was blown and the game ended the way it started....0-0.

With the tie, both Bedistan and the Nest find themselves unsure where they stand pending the outcome of the EL CID THE HERO/Adam Island match.

The group table as it stands now:

Group G GP W T L F A GD P
[1] EL CID THE HERO 1 1 0 0 2-1 1 3
[2] The Eagle's Nest 2 0 2 0 1-1 0 2
3- Adam Island 1 0 1 0 1-1 0 1
4- Bedistan 2 0 1 1 1-2 -1 1

If EL CID wins today, they have clinched a berth to the round of 16...meaning that it will be one nasty fight come matchday three. The Nest has yet to play EL CID, and would need a win to ensure that they in fact move on. Bedistan would probably move on if I had to predict an Nest loss. If AI wins this game, or a tie occurs, well, ladies and gentlemen, all bets are off on who transfers.

In other news, despite many conspiracy theories and innuindo, there is no connection between one known as margaret to the fortunes of various teams that are making surprising runs this cup. There may however be a connection to the Phiquelphia rumor, as Vorpal Bunny Isle continues to be missing for the 10th straight day. More news at 11.

Tadjikistan

24-12-2004, 10:19

"Everything is possible, my vacation could start in two days or may be postponed for a couple more. I might even stay here to continue my vacation" Zhukov said after the game against Shonar Bangla, the revelation of this World Cup."
The Tigers met a strong opponent. the Bangalis made the first goal in the 20th minute. But when they were almost certain that they were going to win, Ter Gasparian showed up and scored trhee goals in twelve minutes, a hattrick that gave the Tadjiks the victory they were looking for.

Zhukov had little to say on Iansisle, Tadjikistans third and last opponent in the first round "I've been told this is a good team. Never played them before so we'll just have to see how that turns out. we could win this match and stay or loose and stay, offcourse if we win we'll have to play a fourth match." After pushing his suitcases under his bed he hurried himself to the Federation room to know the outcome of the Turori-Iansisle match.

10-06-10: Turori - Tadjikistan 2-2 Almintora Nat Stadium
16-06-10: Tadjikistan - Shonar Bangla 3-1Almintora Nat Stadium
21-06-10: Tadjikistan - Iansisle Cednia Beach Center

Jeruselem

24-12-2004, 13:37

Jeruselem Sports News

Seniors fail where Juniors succeeded

Match day 2 of World Cup XIX Group stage. Jeruselem need to beat Druida after it's loss to D2R, but it didn't happen. They lost 1-0 to Druida while Dance 2 Revolution drew with Squornshelous 2-2. Mathematically, Jeruselem cannot make the next round even it wins the next game against Squornshelous 10-0.

However, it will impact on the final result of the group. If Jeruselem win or draw the last game, Squornshelous stay 3rd. If Squornshelous wins, then the result of the D2R vs Druida game become important. If one of those teams wins, then Squornshelous is into the 16. A draw makes things interesting.

A nightmare scenario is Squornshelous winning by one goal and a draw in the other game. It then comes down to stats.

Group H
[1]- Dance 2 Revolution 1 1 0 4-3 4
[2]- Druida 1 1 0 2-1 4
3 - Squornshelous 0 2 0 3-3 2
4 - Jeruselem 0 0 2 1-3 0

One Red Dot

24-12-2004, 18:38

To: President Alvin Ker <a_ker@asword.gov.rd>
From: Head Coach Chris Gwee <cgwee@asword.gov.rd>
Subject: Matchday 2
Sent at: 17 June 2010 2300h GMT

Dear Sir,
I am plesed to announce that we have defeated Wella 2-1. Kane and Paul gave excellent goals at the 23rd and 78th minute despite the severe morale lost a few days back. Our last match is against Rejistania, and their lost against Wella (of all teams) has seemed to boost the players' confidence. We hope to play a good game and proceed to the next round.

From
Head Coach Chris Gwee

Bedistan

24-12-2004, 20:58

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Silver Lining
Group placement looks horrid, but really not that bad

MUSSEX, The Belmore Family -- The scoreline of the Bedistan-The Eagle's Nest match at Flavento Stadium is a bit misleading. Yes, it did end up finishing with a nil-all draw, but it was actually a rather exciting match (and no, I don't have any Rejistanian heritage).

There were in fact a total of fifteen shots on goal, nine for the Strike Birds and six for the Lions. Both sides' defensive lines were running at maximum efficiency, though, and not a single one of those shots made its way into the net. Bedistan goalkeeper Nick Reagan got the Man of the Match award, with a Sports Digest rating of 8.5 stars out of a possible 10. For the full ninety minutes, the crowd sat on pins and needles waiting to see whose defense would break down first, but even in the final minutes there was absolutely no sign of it on either end. It was obvious that both teams really wanted to win this match, and in the end neither would get that satisfaction.

Final score:
BEDISTAN 0
THE EAGLE'S NEST 0

Also in Group G...
Adam Island continues to impress World Cup watchers worldwide as they sterilize EL CID's offense to come up with an identical score as the other Group G match, with the final score here also being 0-0.

Standings and Matchday Three Outlook

Group G GP W T L F A GD P
[1] EL CID THE HERO 2 1 1 0 2-1 1 4
[2] Adam Island 2 0 2 0 1-1 0 2
3- The Eagle's Nest 2 0 2 0 1-1 0 2
4- Bedistan 2 0 1 1 1-2 -1 1

* Note: AI and TEN are tied for second; sorting used was
alphabetical order, as they are tied in every other respect.

EL CID THE HERO are sitting pretty on top of the table in first place, and are through to the second round barring MD3 wins by both TEN and Bedistan. If both win by one goal, goals scored is the tiebreaker between the two sets of Lions; if those are tied, EL CID goes through by virtue of their 2-1 win over Bedistan on MD1. If both TEN and Bedistan win, and either or both win by multiple goals, EL CID is out.

Adam Island and The Eagle's Nest are in a complete deadlock for second -- equal points, goal difference, and goals scored, plus they played to a 1-1 draw on MD1. A win over Bedistan will see them through to the second round. A loss to the green and blue will knock the Islanders out. If Adam Island manages a draw, things get more complicated. An EL CID win over TEN will allow Adam Island to advance, while a TEN win will knock them out. If both matches on MD3 should end in draws, goals scored becomes the tiebreaker for second place, and if the scores are identical, a playoff match between Adam Island and the Eagle's Nest would be required to determine who moves on.

The Eagle's Nest will secure a second-round berth with a victory over EL CID. A loss will knock the Strike Birds out. If the match ends in a draw...well, basically it's the same situation as with Adam Island.

On paper, Bedistan has the hardest task here. But even though it may be hard, it's remarkably simple. Basically, the only thing the Bedistan Lions have to do is defeat Adam Island. Then it becomes a waiting game. If EL CID defeats TEN, both Lions go to the second round. If that match is a draw, same outcome. The only complexity arises in the case of an Eagle's Nest win. That would put the Strike Birds through on five points, but both EL CID and Bedistan would have four. If both Bedistan and TEN win by one, goals scored will act as the tiebreaker, but if those are tied, EL CID gets the nod thanks to their MD1 win. If either TEN or Bedistan win by more than one (provided both won), we'll be bringing you more coverage from the Belmore Family as we prepare for a second round matchup.

Thus, it's very simple. Win by more than one, and we're through. Win by one, as long as TEN don't win by only one goal (two or more is fine), we're through. Win by one, but with a lot of goals scored (say, 4-3), and we're most likely through even with a one-goal TEN win. Fail to win, and the team comes home to Bedistan for the rest of their summer vacation.

Squornshelous

24-12-2004, 21:52

That Empty Feeling

Squornshelous Leaves itsself in amust win situation

A draw against hated rivals Dance 2 Revolution leaves Squornshelous on the outside looking in. Druida won their game against Jeruselem, and have leaped into second place in group H. This leaves the Pschychoes 2 points out of a spot in the next round needing a win against Jeruselem. Ordinarily, this shouldn't be all that difficult, however, despite a stellar qualifying, Squornshelous has played dismally in the first round, drawing both their matches and opening the door for opportunistic Druida. The situation is as follows:

Group H
[1]- Dance 2 Revolution 1 1 0 4-3 4
[2]- Druida 1 1 0 2-1 4
3 - Squornshelous 0 2 0 3-3 2
4 - Jeruselem 0 0 2 1-3 0

Matchday 3:
Dance 2 Revolution vs. Druida
Squornshelous vs Jeruselem

If D2R and Squornshelous win, both will qualify.
If D2R and Jeruselem win, D2R and Druida will qualify.
If Druida and Squornshelous win, both will qualify.
If Druida and Jeruselem win, Druida and D2R will qualify.
If D2R and Druida draw and Squornshelous wins by 1 and Squornshelous score as many or more goals than Druida, Squornshelous and D2R qualify. i.e.

D2R 0-0 Druida
Squornshelous 1-0 Jeruselem
Squornshelous and D2R Qualify

If Druida and D2R draw, Squornshelous wins by 1 and Druida score 2 more than Squornshelous, D2R and Druida qualify. i. e.

D2R 3-3 Druida
Squornshelous 1-0 Jeruselem
D2R and Druida qualify

If Druida and D2R draw, Squornshelous wins by 1 and Druida score 1 more than Squornshelous, Druida and Squornshelous will be tied and the tiebreaker will be determined by the hosts. i. e.

D2R 2-2 Druida
Squornshelous 1-0 Jeruselem
D2R qualify, Squornshelous and Druida tied

If D2R and Druida draw and Squornshelous wins by 2+, Squornshelous and D2R qualify.

Svecia

24-12-2004, 22:34

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

LAST CHANCE FOR GLORY
Next match could be last internationl for many Svecians

Svecia 0 TnUI 0

- A scoreless draw, sometimes good, but in cases when you are supposedly the better team and can't score goals, a bad thing, was all the Lightning could muster against a determined Total and Utter Insanity team last night in the sold out Alan Belmore Tribute Stadium.

This score leaves Svecia with only 1 point in Group E, and means that another win is mandatory in their last game againts The Lowland Clans plus a little help from the other two teams if the Lightning wish to continue to the second round for the third straight World Cup.

But lurking in the background is the rumor that 4 of the current starters may retire from international voetbal at the end of this tournament. Playmaker Mikael Soskjaer, workhorse Hanan Belagt, who came out of retirement to play in this tournament, rock solid defender Tomas Kristiansand, and the wall in the net Piet van Meer are all considered qualified candidates for ending their international careers.

So with that in mind, the 103.000 seat Flavento Stadium will be heartily decked out in orange to urge their Lightning into the next round or else thank the team's stars for their dedicated perserverance and many years of entertainment.

Druida

25-12-2004, 00:19

*We are in the office of President Margaret Smith. We always seem to be here nowadays. Why can't we be at the football ground instead?*

Unnamed helper: "Bad news sir, the people haven't reacted well to your appointment of the oldest man in Eauz as manager."

President Smith: "What? I bet they'll all stop having a go at me when we beat Jeruselem..."

*OK, that's enough of them two. Perhaps we could actually have something from The Belmore Family now... ah yes. Now we're in the Druida dressing room before the match against Jeruselem. Star player and goalkeeper Trefor "Elastic" Edwards is in discussion with his new boss.*

Elastic Edwards: "So, how exactly did you get this job?"

Old Eauzian: "Well, I went to see that important guy with the womens name... I forget who he was now..."

Elastic Edwards: "The President of Druida?"

Old Eauzian: "That's him. Anyway, he kind of just said that I was the manager, and here I am!"

Elastic Edwards: "So... you don't really want to be here, do you?"

Old Eauzian: "Well, not really. I'd rather be back home in Eauz Working myself to a somewhat belated death, all in the name of the communist regime!"

Elastic Edwards: "Perhaps I should have a word with the lads, tell them to lose, just for your sake."

Old Eauzian: "Though it is rather fun, isn't it? I mean, I don't know much about football, but there are thousands of people here from all over the world watching this. I think it's worth staying just for that."

Elastic Edwards: "Oh. OK."

Old Eauzian: "And your old manager. What was his name... Trefor?"

Elastic Edwards: "No, it was Trevor."

Old Eauzian: "I thought that was what I said?"

Elastic Edwards: "No, you said Trefor, he was Trevor."

Old Eauzian: "Both sound the same to me."

Elastic Edwards: "Well, I can assure you, to the Druidan ear, they sound nothing like each other."

Old Eauzian: "Oh. Well, anyway... where was I again?"

Elastic Edwards: "You were talking about our old manager."

Old Eauzian: "Was I? Why would I be doing that? I never knew him."

Elastic Edwards: "Ah, he was a fantastic man. Best manager ever from this part of the world, so cruelly snatched from us when his best might still have been to come."

Old Eauzian: "Sounds terrible. Well, you should play well for him, put in performances that would have made him proud of you!"

Elastic Edwards: "Should I go in there and motivate the lads?"

Old Eauzian: "You do that, son. You do that."

*And so he did, and the team would have made Trevor Kallins proud, running out 1-0 winners. And so all was happy in the Presidential suite that night...*

President Smith: "I told you he'd come good."

Unnamed helper: "Ah, but the real test is still to come."

President Smith: "The real test? What do you mean, the real test?"

Unnamed helper: "Surely you should know about Druida's history in groups of four teams?"

President Smith: "Maybe I do, but remind me again."

Unnamed helper: "Well, either they mess up completely, as was the case in their first Under-21 World Cup and the last AOCAF, or they get themselves into a great position, only to make an absolute hash of the last game, as done in every other football tournament ever."

President Smith: "But I thought they made it through in the last one, that Under-21 Cup?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, that was down to one thing. Our group rivals were Cockbill Street, and they seem to be better at messing things up on the field than we are. We still did our best to cock up, but they just went out and cocked up in an even bigger way. We don't have that luxury this time around."

President Smith: "Oh."

Unnamed helper: "Speaking of Cockbill Street, it appears that they have appeared somewhere on the south of our regional map. Odd, eh?"

President Smith: "Indeed."

Unnamed helper: "Have you seen this map?"

President Smith: "Actually, no I haven't."

Unnamed helper: "Well, you know we thought that we had a border with Legalese?"

President Smith: "Yes."

Unnamed helper: "Well, we don't. The Lowland Clans has just magiacally appeared on our south-eastern border. Look!"

President Smith: "You're right! How long's that been there?"

Unnamed helper: "Apparently, a few days now."

President Smith: "Oh. What relevance does this have to the conversation as a whole."

Unnamed helper: "Well, none whatsoever. But it's just nice to let people know that we've got new neighbours."

President Smith: "Oh. Well, I think you should go tell the people who don't know yet."

Unnamed helper: "I think I just did, sir."

President Smith: "Oh. Oh, and one last thing, Merry Christmas!"

Unnamed helper: "Sir, it is only Christmas in that parallel universe known to us only as RL. In case you've forgotten, it is actually the middle of July."

President Smith: "Of course... still, best get it in early, eh?"

NEWI Cefn Druids

25-12-2004, 01:14

Hello, I'm Björn-Trevor Frederiksson, and welcome once again to...

BTF in TBF!

...where tonight, we're looking back at another inspirational performance by Alan Belmore, who helped the Druids to a 2-2 draw against the greatest team the world had ever seen (unless they're playing Adam Island), Rejistania.

To be perfectly honest, I don't know what style of play the Rejistanians were using, as they have all daifferent names for them. I mean, why can't they just use a numerical system like the rest of us? For the record, the Druids played System Alan Belmore, a system which involves all the play revolving around one player, usually called Alan Belmore, who then plays without a single error for the whole match.

Unfortunately, it all went wrong for the Druids when Belmore had to be taken of at half time because of a slight groin strain. Apparently, further tests also showed a minor wrist injury that will keep him out of the next game against Wella, the famous haircare nation that the Druids need to wear their Junis-Omeh thrid kit.

Anyway, back to the game. Belmore scored two in the first half, got pulled off at half time by his boss/dad Trevor, then the Druids let two in in the second half, a scrappy goal from a corner from Ji Y and an excellent free kick from Sasigl... Sasjili... Sajis... um, Y's team mate with an exceptionally long name who plays at the back. Makes me glad I never played much will Liam Gessemschimt... Gessemschtim... Gessenschit... Gessemschladadadada...-Po in my long gone playing days.

Speaking of Liam G-Po, he's going to be taking over from me at The Daily Druid to cover football, as I'm going into retirement before I go mad like the last guy did. They were going to get him to start with this World Cup, but LGP in TBF just didn't have the same ring to it.

Iansisle

25-12-2004, 10:26

Westmore Suicide a Hoax!
Coach gets good laugh at media; vows Ians will win match against Tadjikistan

IANAPALS, Iansisle -- Coach David Westmore, who apparently had committed suicide following a 2-1 defeat at the hands of “some team whose country we’re apparently playing in”, was found alive today at the Ians’ practice field in Turori running the team through some drills.

“What?” asked Westmore when confronted. “Oh, the suicide? Haha! Yeah, I pulled that one to tease all you jokers. No, I’m alive and well and ready to go out and kick some Tiger tail!”

What appeared to be Westmore’s body was found at his large townhouse in Ianapalis yesterday with a suicide note, reprinted below:

“Dear world,

“The stress of the World Cup is just too much for me, as was our terrible, crushing defeat at the hands of a team we hadn’t of before this campaign. I cannot go out and face Tadjikkisitiisistan (sic) like this, so I must end it all. Good bye, Tajidisiwakistan (sic), and good bye cruel world! Thus ends the greatest man of Iansislean football (sic).

“-Westmore”

Ianapalis police have now confirmed that the body they found was, in fact, a mannequin with Westmore’s face taped over it and covered in ketchup.

“It was very convincing, given the circumstances,” said police chief Thomas T. Thumb.

To date, the Department of Sports, Games, and Recreation has refused to confirm or deny that Westmore will be facing disciplinary action for this stunt.

Rejistania

26-12-2004, 00:15

OOC: ty TnUI for this idea:

Location: One of the many inikresaistic temples in Hetkali. This one is dedicated to Taderekansa.
Time: After the Wella match

Priest Xaheta: Come, monks, something terrible has happened?

Monk Seri: Sanala'kansa, what?

Priest Xaheta: The sinijiil has disappeared!

Monk Liju: Terrible! (the other monks agree)

Priest Xaheta: While we all watched the world cup match, someone broke into the closed part of the temple and stole it!

Monk Syku: We have to call the police!

Priest Xaheta: I do not want policeman in the closed part...

Priest Venari: We cannot avoid it, unless...

Priest Xaheta: unless what?

Priest Venari: Unless we investigate ourself...

Priest Xaheta: Risky, that is...

Priest Venari: It is the only way how we can avoid the temple being desacralised...

Priest Xaheta: Indeed, Jaju and Taka, you were policeman in your former life...

Monk Jaju: Before we decided for a spiritual life here, we worked for the traffic department in KaMaRi...

Priest Xaheta: As well as it can be... begin your investigation!

(If this was a film, we'd see a short series of scenes: discussions of the monks about what to do, examing the doors and parts of the closed part of the temple with magnifying glasses and flour (for fingerprints), asking possible witnesses, drawing a footprint on paper. Think of a tune symbolising their failing attempts, "You can get it if you really want" maybe)

Jaju: Gah, nothing... to start from...

Taka: indeed, we tried, tried, tried, but theses thiefs left no traces...

Jaju: Maybe we can start from the motives...

Taka: okay, who would profit from stealing a symbol of Taderekansa?

Jaju: No one who wants to get rich, that is sure.

Taka: indeed, most people do not even know how it looks like except the priests.

Jaju: right, but the sign has also been ascribed another meaning...

Taka: you don't mean...

Jaju: I do and you too...

Taka: What do I mean?

Jaju: The same that I do...

Taka: And what do you think?

Jaju: that it is an artifact, which is said to bring luck to the national team of the country, it resides in.

Taka: THAT is why we lost to Wella!

The Eagles Nest

26-12-2004, 05:26

"You seen that analysis from Bedistan?"

"Yeah"

"This group is a mess. Can you imagine how messed up it would be if we had to play Adam Island AGAIN to see who goes through?"

"I'd rather win tomorrow. Makes life all simple. We win, we go through. period."

"Yeah, but at least if we don't we have a back door way in to the Round of."

"NO. We win. We have to win. Otherwise..*shakes head* no, we HAVE to win. Have to."

"But what about"

"Look. The Strike Birds have NEVER had to wait for any other team to win a game or anything else to move on. We've always controlled our own destiny. And I don't want to start now."

"Siggy, you've got a point. How are we going to win this game?"

"Well, I was sent this....it's a pocket RP machine. I don't know how much it will help, but it might get one ball defelected or one curved in just inside the net."

*nods* "Siggy, you seem tired these days. You feeling alright?"

"Just age....just age. This will probably be my last cup."

"Coach Adams said that as well. Seems an era may be ending soon."

*Shrugs* "Oh well. things happen and we move on. Let's just see what we can do tomorrow."

-----------------

*digging underneath a stadium in the middle of the night*

*SF* Get that machine in place now. Guards can only be preoccupied by various....distractions so long. Besides, the blonde and I have a date in an hour.

*Lackeys* Yes sir. *faster digging near a large box in the middle of the pitch*

Bedistan

26-12-2004, 06:53

The Esto Informer
South Bedistan's balanced news source for over eight years

'Acid Reflux' a Hoax?
Report says Lions may have thrown qualifying match

COLUMBIA, F.D. -- While preparing to conduct an interview with Bedistan Secretary of Sports and Games Tom Young, an Informer reporter overheard a conversation in the hall involving Bedistan Football Association president Johnny Lewis, who was also in town to see Secretary Young. A tape recording of this conversation includes the following words:

"...McGarity was threatening to walk out on me if he didn't get the break. I didn't know what to do, how would I explain it? So I cooked up this story about the whole team getting food poisoning at a restaurant. "Pedro's House of Tacos"? There's no such place, and if there is, well, I'm sure they're out of business by now. It was just bad timing that it was against a weaker opponent..."

Lewis would not return our calls regarding the matter, and new team manager Mike Davidson, who is with the Lions in the Belmore Family, refused to talk to us as well, which certainly throws an interesting light on this situation.

The Symposium on Nontruths and Lies, headquartered in Crotts, agrees with our stance on this issue. "Having all twenty-five of the players and coaches be affected is a certain impossibility. There was something fishy from the beginning, and this just proves it."

We will be certain to keep you updated on the investigation and on any effects it may have on the team's performance tomorrow against the Eagle's Nest.

Cockbill Street

26-12-2004, 12:04

Robert Andrews sat in the packed Kionao Park along with thirty thousand other mad Streeters and his girlfriend, Christine. He'd somehow managed to persuade her to come to Turori on a holiday - he had managed it with some hint that the weather was better up north, Turori is a jungle country after all - be better than cold, rainy summers...plus the fact that they had some friends in Turori. So Christine wasn't overly pleased when it turned out the main goal of the trip was to watch the Streetian footballers make a mockery of themselves. She liked football - in small amounts - but was more of a fan of club football, coming from Harewood where the resident club had done surprisingly well. Robert had managed to get tickets for all the three Streetian games from a mate who worked in the Department of Sports, and he'd even bought a ticket for Rejistania against Wella (and gone away ambivalent...plucky underdogs were all right, but surely they should have appreciated the win more?). So, here they were, waiting for the kick-off against Lovisa, and hoping desperately that the Streeters could get a win (at least Robert did. Christine had realised the cold, hard realities of the World Cup already - Cockbill Street were gaping over too much, they would never win a World Cup if this continued, and anyway, there wasn't the talent - except for that cute McLavish guy on the right wing, that is. But he was from Harewood anyway.

"So who are we playing, again?" she said to entertain Robert a bit. He was sitting in glum resignation beside her, waiting for the match (or torture) to begin.

"Lovisa. Knocked us out...about sixteen years ago, I think, on goal difference. They're a bit like us, really, in and out of the World Cup," Robert replied.

"Do you have their names? You should try to pronounce them, it was so funny when you tried to..."

Robert started to turn red, remembering his guttural and useless attempt at pronouncing Rijsbergen against Audioslavia, and interrupted her. "No, I don't. Even bought a programme before the match, but it says that they couldn't print the line-up because the typist ran out of z's to set the type."

"Really?"

"Yeah. They've got weirder names than the dwarves. About six consonants after each other and stuff."

"Well, have we made any changes, then?"

"Underwood's out of goal, thank Branson. Havell is back, so maybe we'll play decently there. Galena is back in central defence. Well, he probably was in the last game, too, but they forgot to call him out. And Rankin's gone, thank goodness. They've put Fred Stewart in."

"Doesn't he score a ton of goals for Vimesbairn United? Don't like him, then."

"He's a fellow Streeter!"

"There are two and a half billion of us, Robbie dear. Surely you can't like everyone just because they're Streeters?"

Robert went back to sulking. He quickly cheered up again, however, as the Streeters entered the pitch with slightly more vigor than usual (i.e. walking with their head up, and one actually punching the air) ready to start the game.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" The speaker began... "and other species," he added as an afterthought - "we are sorry to announce that our regular speaker has been taken ill with a throat disease following a failed attempt to pronounce the Lovisan line-up. As such, we will announce the Streetian names only today, and we are sorry for the inconvenience."

"Strange," Christine yelled to Robert, trying to be heard over the speaker's bellowing of "TREVOR JONES", "but no one's been able to find out what the Lovisans are called. Do you think they've forgotten to give in a team sheet?"

"Well, they've given perfectly intelligible explanations. The Lovisan names really are that bad...they consider a word wasted if it doesn't have at least 3 "sz", "cz" or "wsk" in it."

"The dwarves are the same, though, with their apostrophes!"

"At least their names are pronouncable. But that's because they've got two...one they use among themselves, one they use among humans."

"Weird!"

"You said it."

---

Nine minutes had passed, and Helen Carpenter and Thor Axewielder's carriage had finally made it through the crowds of Kionao. However, no one had been crazed enough to try to steal their VIP seats, and they landed in the plush chairs comfortably enough.

"What's the score?" Thor asked the next man, a Starblaydi assistant to the Lord Protector. Thor preferred not to talk to him, but this was desperate.

"Nil-nil."

"Thanks," Thor said.

"See," Helen said to him. "It's better we're not here. At least the Streeters haven't made a joke of themselves."

"That is dubitable, madam," the Starblaydi official said. "I believe the Lovisans have had two huge chances. Your goalkeeper saved you, however."

"Hmm. At least he isn't as bad as Underwood," Helen said. "Then again...my daughter is better than him in goal."

"Your daughter played for Swyton for five years...no wonder..."

"Shush."

---

Nineteen minutes into the game and Robert Andrews had descended into the natural state of the football fan - despair. The match wasn't bad, as such, by the Streeters - it was evenly fought and either side could easily have taken the lead, but it stayed at 0-0 - but he was so nervous every time the Lovisans got the ball, and that was too often for his liking. Christine, on the other hand, enjoyed the game as a neutral - something she really hadn't done much before - and she thought it was a good game, although marred by some glaring passing errors.

"Look, Robert," she suddenly exclaimed. "Philip's got the ball!"

"Chrissy, it's McLavish. Nobody ever uses the first name for a player."

"Yeah, but look...he's crossed it...there's Rhianna..."

"Peters! Can you stop that! Oh...my...YEEEEEEEEEEES!" Robert bellowed, waving his flag, along with the 30,000-odd Streeters. For a deluded moment, he thought that perhaps, just this once, the Cockbill Street team could do something in this World Cup.

"Happy now?" Christine interjected, "I mean, it's only like they've scored one goal. They're going to be knocked out anyway. you know."

"Please...I was dreaming..."

"Yes, and you know how unhealthy that is. We've been doing that in the Street for forty years and look where that got us."

"You're still dreaming about Harewood to win the Champions' League."

"That's different..."

---

"What just happened?" Helen said.

"We're leading a World Cup match," Thor replied. "Historic moment. Savour it while it..." His jaw dropped mid-word as a Lovisan striker was suddenly clean through on Underwood. He proceeded to set it to the left of the keeper, for 1-1. Thor groaned.

"Lasts?" Helen said, cynically.

"Shut it...I'm about to calculate what we need against the Capitalizts."

"Six-goal win, I'd imagine. Underwood messed up our goal difference."

"Shut it."

"I told you an Audioslavian g'irgah wouldn't work. He cares too much about his music."

---

Despite Helen's doubts, Lee Branson was angry, too. For two minutes - two short minutes - he had enjoyed the thought of turning this ragbag outfit into, at least, a second round team, a team to challenge the best, and perhaps in four years' time, it could win. Now, he was damn well back where he started - needing a win over Commerce Heights to qualify, and that with a team who had the talent in patches, but had no experience of World Cup finals football. The only one who did was Havell, and possibly Scott Walker and Robert Stubbings - but they were all reserves when that happened. Now, they were the experienced guys, and all they had for themselves were a few seasons in the Compound, MPL or Stellar! It seemed hopeless.

At half-time, it was still 1-1, despite Stubbings having a huge chance to send the Streeters into mayhem yet again as his header grazed the bar. Lee went in, trying to motivate his lads...and lasses, Rhianna's voice said in his head. I'm spending too damn much time with them, he thought, before he opened the door.

"RIGHT, LADS!" He bellowed. "AND LASSES, thank you Rhianna and Sarah! At least you haven't made the Street look like we don't have a football team this time around - bit of luck and we could have led here. Well played throughout, though - go out like that in the second half and we may just get three points!"

"Any subs, g'irgah?" Ivar Golddevourer, perennial back reserve and always hungry for football action, asked.

"You know bloody well that I don't like to reveal that kinda thing! I want you all focused. But all right...Liam, start warming up when we get out. Okay?"

"Sure, g'irgah," Liam Wharton replied.

---

Back in the crowd, Robert Andrews was frustrated again. Christine comforting him with the fact that the Streeters had played good football didn't help - he considered her football knowledge to be slightly lower than that of the average Vimesbairn United fan claiming Ben Stewart is the best thing to happen to the Street since Harald Axewielder - and a 1-1 draw with u'ruth'aha'ni Lovisa would surely send all hopes of qualification down the drain. It would mean we’d have to beat Commerce Heights again – that might work when the Capitalizts were qualified, since they were very keen on maximum output for minimum effort and would not bother with an unimportant match, but the bowler-hat team should win easily when something important was at stake.

Robert being a slow thinker, it took four minutes to get through that. When he looked up, the Lovisan striker was through on goal again, and it was 1-2. Robert groaned loudly, and went back into a foetal thinking position again.

---

In the dugout, Lee despaired. 1-1 he could take – that he could work on, at least there’d be a chance. Rhianna Peters, the sharp mind of the crop (she was reputed to do two plus two in her head, and even three plus three on good days!), had made out that with a win, Lovisa would have four points in second place (many, she told Galena and Nickel-carbide when they expressed confusion at the new word), and the Streeters would have a grand total of nil. No matter the result between Commerce Heights and Audioslavia, another team would get four, and the Streeters would bow out with a whimper. Time for desperate measures, he thought.

“ROBBIE!” He shouted. “GET YOUR LAZY ARSE OVER ‘ERE! Liam, you go on for him. And Mark, you ready? You better be. I’m taking off Fred – FRED!! YOU TOO! YOU’RE TOO TIRED TO PLAY, HAVEN’T RUDDY WELL MADE A RUN IN THE PAST TEN MINUTES!”

“Aye, coach,” Fred sulked as he got off. Good sign, he thought. Keen lads are important…just not so keen they get frustrated. Bit of a nasty balance there. Mark was perhaps not as good with the ball, but could win the ball in midfield with his headers and tackles, and that would be great because the Lovisans had full control of it at the moment. 62 %, the possession statistic said – fairly dominant.

---

“What’s he bringing Mark on for?” Helen said. “He’s ry’thkah!”

“Helen, so is everyone else on that subs bench…Fred hasn’t been doing much out there, either.”

“No, but at least he’s an attacking player.”

”So is Olaf. We’ve already got too many attacking players, but they don’t get the ball given to them…”

“All right!”

---

Corner kick, Mark wondered. Surely? Yeah. Olaf’ll take it I guess…what’s Lee shouting? “gt in te box?” Ah, yeah. He wandered over to the far post, waiting for the high cross. Olaf started his run-up, crossed it fairly high on the five-yard box, the keeper rushed out, tried to box it out, missed a bit, and then Mark couldn’t remember much…he guessed he’d put his head to the ball, but the next thing he could remember was lying at the bottom of a pile and shouting “Um, guys, could you please move off my chest…I can’t f***ing breathe!!”

Robert Andrews, no longer watching but in an ecstasy of shouting and yelling – particularly at Christine that “I told you so” (even though he never had – the past fifteen minutes had been glum memorising of all the times the Streetians had failed, and he was still only up to World Cup 14 and Liverpool England’s second round win when it happened).

---

Lee was hoping he could avoid Helen. Just for once. It would be so nice to have get home, put on some records, relax and plan how they could possibly beat the Capitalizts without that damn nosy woman getting involved again. But, due to narrative imperative, Murphy’s and Sod’s laws, he managed to bump into her just as the team bus was leaving.

“Well…you’ve saved your job…” she began.

“Um…” Lee wanted a snappy reply, but was interrupted.

“For now. Being knocked out with one point is roughly as good as not qualifying and then winning the Harmony Cup. If you catch my drift?”

“You’re saying we should have lost and then swamped the Harmony Cup?”

“That may have been a better option, tactically. However, now we’re here, so just send us into the second round, will you?”

---

Lovisa 2 (<censored due to general health of population> 21, 49)
Cockbill Street 2 (Peters 19, Bitton 76)

Melmond

26-12-2004, 21:27

Iron Men, Women and Genderqueers
Defence Steps Up in 1-nil Win over Kaze Progressa
By Henry Kalangalangalang of the Melmond City Herald

MLIONA-LPAKA, TURORI—As you see from our all encompassing headline, it is apparent that you see that our Fearless Farmers beat the favored Kaze Progressa side 1-nil by playing the physical defensive Melmondian style of football preferred by Manager David Bixler. However, despite our long descriptions of every little meaningful play in the match to make you not regret drinking too much cheap Melmondian beer and falling asleep while watching the match, we really have only one meaningful statistic to report, Melmond midfielder Jake Cormier’s goal at the 35th minute. So this time around, we thought we would center on a theme so you can still experience quality Melmondian writing and experience slow yet very meaningful match.
In a pique of boredom, our pinko friends in Eauz posted which nation parallels which in terms of the NationStates world and planet Earth. Melmond’s parallel was the Scandinavian Liberal Paradise of Sweden, home of Ikea, meatballs, and some really good and bad music. Being the great music fans we are, we think we would theme each meaningful or somewhat meaningful moment in the match with a song title from four of Sweden’s best bands: The Cardigans, Refused, Opeth, and In Flames, and two of Sweden’s worst: Ace of Base and Europe. As you can see, the headline is a rather stretch reference to the Cardigans song of Iron Man. Who cares that everyone who is conscious knows it’s a Black Sabbath cover, the change of pace was brilliant!
New Noise: Yeah, we are awaiting Audioslavia and all the musically knowledgeable flaming pinko commies of the NationStates football world to let us know that Refused are a bunch of outspoken socialists. Yeah, it may be true, but either way, there level of punk rockitude transcends capitalism and communism. Have you noticed that these rather rich capitalist nations who preach socialism usually are really good bands and yet these bands who were in true communist and socialist states music really sucked! Can you say Gorky Park? No, not the movie, the band. Yeah, I can’t blame if you forgot them. Anyway, the Fearless Farmers needed some new noise after the embarrassing 2-1 loss to Crystilakere, who shocked the world by beating Sarzonia and clinching a spot in the knockout rounds. The Fearless Farmers came in with a new rhythm and a new attitude. Despite Kaze Progressa being a much more fancied side than Crystilakere, the Fearless Farmers’ defence just seemed to dominate the Kaze Progressa attack, or lack their of. The Fearless Farmers defence grinded down the Progressans and all of the Progressans attack patterns were pre-empted by a back-line who seemed to almost have ESP. Truly this was a much more confident Melmond side this time around.
Harvest: It is really a shame that most of the American populace eats up this nu-metal cliché latchkey ire shite rather than revel and celebrate their miserable state of being with wonderfully gloomy progressive northern doom such as Opeth. However, in this thin goal harvest in this match, it was the Fearless Farmers doing the celebrating while the Progressans were wallowing in gloom and doom. The goal seemed rather sudden and took both sides by surprise after Melmond midfielder Pauline Hulme made an innocent looking pass to Melmond midfielder Jake Cormier. Cormier then takes his left foot and strikes a long distance beauty, with another power and English to perplex Kaze Progressan goalkeeper Fayu Fanzuhu. The Fearless Farmers take the lead in what would end up being the only goal in the match at the 35th minute.
Only For the Weak: Ah, In Flames, Swedish melodic death metal. Most Melmondians aren’t metalheads, but as you can see in our adoration for bands like Muse and Bad Religion, your average Melmondian loves some melody in their hard edged rock. While the Melmond defence and goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm was on fire, the Kaze Progressa attack was just well, in flames. At times they appeared to be closer to form to Hash n Beans rather than the team that took second place in the last World Cup. In the second half, the Fearless Farmers defence didn’t really face much of a challenge from the worn down and slumping Kaze Progressa attack, and whatever shots the Progressans got off were easily snatched up by Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm.
Don’t Turn Around: Now we are going into one of the least fine moments for the Melmond National Team with a title of an Ace of Base song. Despite the fact that the Kaze Progressans strikers resembled actual strikers as much as the rapper from Ace of Base resembled an actual rapper, the Melmond defence should know better to get too overconfident against the second ranked team in the world. The Fearless Farmers seemed a little complacent and Kaze Progressa had a very opportune chance of scoring the equaliser as Xtfuinxm was completely out of position and top Progressan striker Sani Luvo was wide open. Unfortunately for the Progressans, the curse of the Ace of Base rapper still remained as Luvo’s shot sailed over the bar.
The Final Countdown: Despite how painful Ace of Base is, nothing can withstand the shear torture of what a song by Europe can do. That is if, you would actually consider what Europe plays as “songs.” At least Ace of Base has a nice beat. Sure it’s the same beat in every song, but it’s a nice beat. Europe is utter pain. During injury time, the Progressans were trying to rally in an equalizer to steal a point in this match. Despite some missed assignments by the Melmond defence, the Progressans sabotaged their chances themselves with errant shots which went nowhere near the net. Perhaps the Progressan attack should head to Venus; because yes they have seen you, and it’s either the hot rock or be subjected to that uberannoying synth line as punishment from your own disappointed fans if you don’t do better the next match.
My Favourite Game: Well, in this World Cup anyway, after all a win against Kaze Progressa is much better than a loss to Crystilakere, but coming up is the all-important matchup against a Sarzonia side which has been somewhat disappointing as many publications, especially Melmondian ones, have picked them to be the breakout side in this World Cup. This is a side the Fearless Farmers will not underestimate. Listening to the dark yet soothing sounds of Gran Turismo should cool down the pressure before the match.

Goals
Cormier, MEL 35th

Cards
None

Standings

Other Group D Result
Crystilakere 4 – Sarzonia 1

Group D
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Crystilakere 6 2 0 0 6:2 4
2. Melmond 3 1 0 1 2:2 0
3. Kaze Progressa 1 0 1 1 0:1 -1
4. Sarzonia 1 0 1 1 1:4 -3

Team Stats
Goals: Tim Remans (1), Jake Cormier (1)
Cards: Gene MacDougall (1)

Melmond World Cup Schedule (all in Turori)

v Crystilakere (Iobabao Legendary Park, Mliona-Lpaka) L 2-1
v Kaze Progressa (Iobabao Legendary Park, Mliona-Lpaka) W 1-0
v Sarzonia (Kionao Park, Kionao)

Next Game
vs. Sarzonia (Kionao Park, Kionao)

Well, there really isn’t any need to go into a big hullabaloo into the importance of this match. Let us just review the scenarios. If Melmond wins, they are in the knockout stages and could win the group if Crystilakere loses and the scores give Melmond the goal differential advantage. If Melmond loses, the Fearless Farmers are out, no if ands or buts. If Melmond ties, this is where it gets interesting. In a Melmond tie, Sarzonia would be eliminated. Kaze Progressa would not only have to beat Crystilakere, but beat them by a fairly large margin to take the second and final knockout round spot away from Melmond. If they do not do that, the Fearless Farmers will get that second spot. Manager David Bixler is keeping his starting lineup as is.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Notint Hecloset
D- Veronica Dean
D- Charles Unne
D- Trav Strachan
M- Peeko Noodleschlausen
M- Alfred Smith
M- Pauline Hulme
M- Jake Cormier
F- Gene MacDougall
F- Tim Remans

For tickets to Turori and the match, call the Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. There are few tickets reserved so call very soon!!! Although being a colony of Vilita, Turori has a unique culture of its own, although the living conditions aren’t nearly as good due to their naïve socialist economic ideals. Nice people though anyway on this island.

Cockbill Street

26-12-2004, 22:01

<snip>

The journalists working at the C-mail stumbled across this piece after a long night of reading foreign papers for anything interesting. He was left wondering why Mr Kalangalangalang didn't make any mention to The Winner Takes It All...given that is what the World Cup of Football is about.

Rejistania

27-12-2004, 03:12

In a zeppelin:

Monk Taka: Why did we go to Nove Brittanicus now?

Monk Jaju: Nova Britannicus, it is.

Taka: How can you find typoes in speech?

Jaju: Because you pronounced the words as you'd write them!

Taka: Point for you. (after a while) So why do we go there?

Jaju: Because they are overarchieving in international soccer!

Taka: They 'jisu-ed any possible match in the Champions League!

Jaju: Well, their national team overarchieved...

Taka: So?

Jaju: You remember what we said a while ago?

Taka: About the...

Jaju: Don't say it!

Taka: How are we supposed to find something, if we cannot even talk about it?

Jaju: Well, simply say that we search... jah... something Nova Britannicus is famous for...

Taka: Cheese?

Jaju: You crazy?

Taka: (Looks on a UN-factbook entry, quotes) A powerhouse of a private sector is led by the Automobile Manufacturing, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Cheese Exports industries.

Jaju: Jah... we search for a certain cheese...

Taka: I don't really like that expression but okay, we'll search for the famous cheese of this country. But why here?

Jaju whispers something in a minokajetian dialect, no one next to them would have understood it, thankfully, we are in the godmodded perspective of an RP, so we rewind, turn up the volume, curse, insert the babelfish into the ear, rewind again and understand it: 'The 'cheese' is said to be a strong talisman of national teams, especially for the System Karela.'

Taka: Ah... Now I see!

Some time later, in Widdrington:

Jaju: I have the odd feeling everybody is staring at us...

Taka: Maybe that is because no one here wears orange like us, or because we are black, or because we are bald, or because we have no moustache, or because we are pretty small in comparism, or because we speak rejistanian and no english. But that are just guesses.

Jaju: I guess it's the language!

Taka: What is your plan?

Jaju: To go to the NBFA, if the cheese is anywhere, then there.

Taka: Do you want to ask for it?

Jaju: I am not naive.

Taka: So what do you want to do there...

Jaju shows a small pendulum and smiles.

Taka: Oh... that works...

Jaju: Do you speak english?

Taka: Yes.. a bit...

Jaju: Then ask for directions!

Taka: Su?

Jaju: How else can you find the NBFA?

Taka: I would simply look around and go there (Taka points in the direction).

Jaju: Why?

Taka: Can you read what it says on that building?

Jaju: Oh! (both go there)

In front of the main door, both halt and monk Jaju starts using the pendulum while chanting rejistani syllables. A random passer-by stops at the scene.

Random pedestrian: Excuse my curiorisity, but am I allowed to ask what you are doing?

Taka: You is... We trying find something.

RP: To find something? To me this seems to be a rather inexact method, mostly based on chance.

Taka: You sure be surprised to how exact results knowing with that can result, but you not know this thing.

RP: Indeed. I assume that you are no Britannican?

Taka: Right. You are. We rejistanian. Was it our strange apperance, making you assume so?

RP: Well, here it is normal to wear shoes...

Melmond

27-12-2004, 04:30

Random News Snippets from Melmond

Henry Kalangalangalang Announces His Official Position on ABBA
After hearing about a comment made by someone based in the nation of Cockbill Street mention the absence of the song title "Winner Takes It All" by ABBA in its Swedish Music Revue edition of the report of the group play match between Melmond and Kaze Progessa. "What we were trying to focus on were four good moments represented by titles of songs of four good Swedish bands and two bad moments represented by the titles of songs for two bad Swedish bands, of course, ABBA is always mentioned when one thinks of Swedish music, but the issues is that we couldn't place them in good or bad. Personally, I can't stand the care-free happyish tone of their music. It just seems naive and annoying. However, I can't put them in the bad column as they are pioneers of that uberpop style which many people seem to like, whether they realize it or not. Compare them to lets say..the maligned Ace of Base...at least ABBA's songs had variety." Therefore to sum it up, they aren't good nor bad, so they weren't included.

Jesus Lays Smackdown on Melmondian Goddess
In an act of divine vengenance, Jesus Hooobstank Christ absolutely kicked the utter crap out of the Melmondian Goddess during the celebration of his birthday. "I wasn't going to let this biotch call herself a goddess on my day! I am the light and I proved it to that arrogant heathen by lighting her up with a 102 Fahrenheit temperature and chronic back pain! She know knows that I am indeed the Lord, I am the Son of the Almighty and the Unrighteous shall feel the pain of 102 temperatures and back pain!" Jesus boasts while billions of his followers echo "Go Jesus, its your birthday, its your birthday." The Melmondian goddess, laying ill in her bed, had this to reply, "Its said to see that Jesus Christ himself is getting into the psuedothug bling bling culture, it almost makes you pine for the days he hung out with Pat Boone before he got in that metal mood thing."

Sarzonia

27-12-2004, 07:21

After a brief respite for the holiday season, Sarzonian Coach Dave Wilson finally broke his media silence following the Stars' 4-1 loss to Crystilakere that left the team's qualification chances in dire straights. This is his interview with Woodstock Register columnist Shirley Siegel [OOC: He's a man.]

Siegel: First of all Dave, can you tell us why you refused to speak to the media the last few days?

Wilson: Initially, I was just angry with the team for the way we played against Crystilakere. It looked like we weren't ready to play them and that really set me off. I didn't speak to the media for a couple of days because my initial reaction led to a firestorm in Sarzonia. The growing tensions with Roach-Busters pretty much put football on a backburner for a while, however. That's when I decided now was the time to speak.

Siegel: And why is that?

Wilson: When we're not involved in some political controversy or in a war, football is the big news item and I wasn't ready for a [boatload] of questions about our performance. But the more I look at the tape, the more I realize it was a total breakdown. Playing, coaching, everything. Plus, you have to give some credit to the Crystils. They came ready to play.

Siegel: A lot of credit, in fact.

Wilson: Yeah. They've been lights out ever since the qualifying stage ended. They beat Melmond, didn't they?

Siegel: They're already through to the next round.

Wilson: The more I looked at the tape, the more I realize it was just a situation of us running into a much better football team than we thought going in. I think we just need to learn some lessons from that game, lick our wounds and go after Melmond.

Siegel: What do you think of your chances against Melmond?

Wilson: The Fearless Farmers are an excellent football team. They proved that by beating Kaze Progressa. They're going to be a very tough team for us to play against.

Siegel: You realize that you're going to have to beat Melmond and get help to advance to the knockout stage?

Wilson: At this point, I'm telling my guys not to worry too much about the knockout stages. There'd be a lot of crazy math that would have to happen for us to get in.

Siegel: Not really. If you win and Crystilakere beats or draws Kaze Progressa, you advance on points. It's if Kaze Progressa wins that tiebreakers come into play.

Wilson: What do you mean?

Siegel: You and Kaze Progressa are tied in points, but they're two goals ahead of you in differential. If Kaze Progressa wins, you'll need to beat Melmond by three more goals than they do to force a tie in the qualifying. If you beat them by four more goals than they beat Crystilakere, you get in.

Wilson: I think I've got a migrane from all that. Basically, none of that comes into play if we win and Kaze either loses or draws.

Siegel: Yeah. Now how are you going to attack Melmond?

Wilson: We're going to have to shut down their attack. Tim Remans scored their only goal against the Crystils and Jake Cormier got their goal against Kaze. We're going to have to go at Pauline Hulme. We think we've got an advantage in the physical department there. Offensively, we've got to get our rhythm back. Playing a 3-5-2 certainly hasn't worked out for us like I thought it would.

Siegel: Does that mean Corey Hemby is going back in the backline?

Wilson: No, we're going to give the start to Trevor Crenshaw. He plays better in a back four than Corey does. Corey's really better suited as a sweeper in a back three. [Defender] Lance [Alcina] can play in either a 3-5-2 or a 4-4-2. We're also going to have to play less longballs and more short passing. We have to win the time of possession battles to have a chance to win this football game.

Siegel: If the Stars are eliminated after this round, what's next for the team?

Wilson: We've gotten a chance to play football at the highest level now. This is what we've been working towards the last four qualifying campaigns. Next time out, we're going to work towards not only getting to Starblaydia or Druida, but going on past the first round. It's going to be a buildup towards building a World Cup contender.

Siegel: Well that just about does it for us. My thanks to Stars Coach Dave Wilson for breaking his media silence to speak with me today.

Wilson: Smiles My pleasure, Shirley.

Siegel: This has been Shirley Siegel for Channel 14. Back to you in the studio Ty.

Crystilakere

27-12-2004, 13:56

A Plate of Sarzonia: To Go.

----------------The Crystilakere Crystils decided to have a large Christmas meal in the second match in their World Cup 19 group D. The Crystils ordered a large helping of Sarzonia, and decided to take with it a side of Second Round. Despite conceding early to the Stars, the Crystils fired home four unanswered goals to clinch a spot in the second round of the World Cup Finals for the first time. After winning their Qualifying group on the final day of qualifying the Crystils are now set to win their Finals group and play the second placed team in Group C. Matchday 3 will be the toughest for Crystilakere who have to face top seeded team Kaze Progressa who will accept nothing but a victory, needing it to advance along with Crystilakere to Round 2. The other matchup will see Sarzonia and Melmond square off in what is a must win for Sarzonia, and a must not lose for Melmond. Melmond could still top the table with a pair of comfortable wins by Melmond and Kaze Progressa, but the Melmond team will likely be concentrating on three points and not their goal differential.

----------------Back to the slaughtering of Sarzonia, border wars broke out after the match on the Crystilakere-Sarzonia border, in northern Crystilakere & southern Sarzonia in eastern Atlantian Oceania after the match, as Crystilakere residents started running into Sarzonia with huge parade flags of their nation dancing in the air. The Sarzonians boarded up their windows and began throwing rocks out of their chimmeny tops, how they got up there we may never know. In the end 6 Crystili's were hospitalized due to rock wounds and one large Sarzonian had to have their chimmeny de-bricked. Crystilakere 4 - 1 Sarzonia

Group D
[1] Crystilakere 2 0 0 6-2 6
[2] Melmond 1 0 1 2-2 3
3- Kaze Progressa 0 1 1 0-1 1
4- Sarzonia 0 1 1 1-4 1

Audioslavia

27-12-2004, 14:16

post deleted by shite forums

damn you jolt!

Eauz

27-12-2004, 16:46

Le LIBRE

Confusion in Group B

Though, Group B does not look as bad as other groups, there are still two positions left for the four teams. Starting at the top, we find Nova Britannicus, who has been a big surprise in this group. Despite expectations that they would float to the bottom of the group, they have stepped up and proven that they are going to be a challenge in this cup. Many wonder though, if this magical trip will continue for them. For Eauz, they were hoping to qualify on match day 2, but it was destroyed as Vilita found new life near the end of the match. Eauz will have to hope that the NB team of present doesn’t show up. A victory would definitely give Eauz a good chance of qualifying, but once again, it is all in the air. Vilita started off the cup, on a loss against NB, and players were not sure if they would actually continue or not. Now after a victory over Eauz, they are sitting in 3rd place, looking to go to the next round. They will be expected to take the match against struggling Starblaydia, but look for the Starblaydi offence to show up.

Victory for Nova Brittannicus and Vilita will mean NB will take 1st with 7 points and Vilita will take 2nd with 6 points.

Victory for Eauz and Vilita, and depending on goal difference, will mean those two teams will advance.

Victory for Eauz and Starblaydia means, Eauz will advance on 6 points and depending on the goal difference of Starblaydia/NB, one of them will continue.

Victory for Vilita and Starblaydia means, Vilita will advance with 6 points and depending once again on goal difference, Starblaydia/NB advance.

NB/Eauz tie and Vilitan victory, means Vilita and NB advance. An NB/Eauz tie, and Vilita/Star tie means NB will qualify, and depending on goal difference, one of Eauz/Vilita will advance. And finally, an Eauz victory, and a Vilita/Star tie, means Eauz will continue on, and depending on goal difference, Vilita or NB will continue too…

As one can see, this group is a mess, and there are many possibilities. Starblaydia is the team which has the most worries, as they are in a MUST win final match.

As for the Eauz match, it is expected that many Eauz fans will be attending the match, to help their team onto the next round. Eauz would love to take the victory, with a reasonable goal difference, as they would draw a weaker team, then sit in 2nd place.

Group B
GP W T L GF GA GD P
[1]Nova Britannicus 1 1 1 0 3 2 +1 4
[2]Eauz 1 1 0 1 6 5 +1 3
3 Vilita 1 1 0 1 3 3 0 3
4 Starblaydia 1 0 1 1 4 6 -2 1

Nova Britannicus

27-12-2004, 18:02

"So I said to the fellow, 'here it is normal to wear shoes, old boy!'"

The assembled men in the smoking lounge laughed heartily and went back to sipping their gin and puffing on their cigars. Some were reading newspapers, broadsheets of course, remarking on the incredible run that had taken Nova Britannicus to within a whisker of qualifying for the Second Round of the World Cup.

"Two quaint little chaps," the man continued, checking his pocketwatch, "looking for our Headquarters, of all things."

"What did two little Johnny Foreigners want with the Nova Britannicus Football Association?" a large man asked from behind his Novan Daily News.

"I didn't think it polite to enquire, dear boy." came the reply.

The door to the lounge opened and in stepped what the large man would refer to as a 'Johnny Foreigner', wearing long sparkly robes and wearing an extravagant pitch-black goatee beard. Upon his head was a large round hat, and he was enrusted with jewels and tattoos. He was also carrying a large lead box, held tight to his chest.

"Hello, Guru," the first man said, "fancy a spot of Gin?"

"A Djinn?" the Guru was bemused, "why should I summon the power of Greater Daemons when I have all we need in this box?"

"What are you on about, old chap? I mean a little drinky-poo."

"Oh." The Guru inwardly cursed his lack of English skills and innate knowledge of the Dark Arts. He cleared his throat. "No thankyou."

The strange Guru hurried about whatever business he was engaged in, exiting swiftly out of another door, without making a sound.

"Sneaky little fellow, isn't he?" suggested the large man.

"I don't know what old Jean-Paul keeps him around for," the first man wondered, "perhaps he boosts the player's morale or some such."

The general impression was that the strange foreign Guru had been employed by the Nova Britannicus Football Association to help coach the National Team in their drive for World success. Quite what his football credentials were, they didn't know. His last trip had brought him back from Defending-World Champion country Rejistania. Whatever techniques he had learned in those few short days seemed to have turned the team into a solid defensive unit. Carol's System, he seemed to call it. Whatever it was, Nova Britannicus and their Starblaydi Manager and his from-parts-unkown assistant had lifted Nova Britannicus to a win over Vilita and a draw with Starblaydia. All they needed was a draw against two-time champions Eauz and they were through to the knock-outs. It was almost magical.

Total n Utter Insanity

27-12-2004, 19:19

Insanician 1: Belmorons.

Insanician 2: I can't believe we managed to steal all of this stuff.

Belmoron Officer: 'ello 'ello 'ello, wots all this then?

Insanician 1: Morning Officer.

Insanician 2: Can we help you with anything?

Belmoron Officer: Why does your bag say swag on it?

Insanician 1: It's my name.

Belmoron Officer: Why are you both wearing masks?

Insanician 2: Bad case of leprosy, we need 'em to keep our faces on.

Belmoron Officer: Why are you in my house?

Insanician 1: Err.

Insanician 2: Before I answer that, can I ask you one question?

Belmoron Officer: Okay.

Insanician 2: How do you say gogoplex in Belmorian?

Belmoron Officer: That would be outalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala...

Insanician 2: Leggit.

Vilita

27-12-2004, 19:39

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif

Vilita set for Starblaydi Thriller

------------------- Jungle Cats head coach Helmut Vilkaus has lifted pressure from the Vilitan FA with a strong victory over Eauz, but knows that only a second victory over Starblaydia could make his job as manager safe. Vilita and Starblaydia first met in Qualifying for World Cup 15, in the first match ever for the Starblaydian side. Vilita handed the Blades their first defeat in what has been a fairly even matchup over the years, the most recent clashes coming in Eagles Cup III where the two teams drew 1-1 before a final 4-0 Victory for Vilita saw the end of the Jean-Paul Giorgis Ringoux era in Starblaydia. J.P. is now head coach of Vilita's other Group B opposition, Nova Britannicus. The most controversial of the meetings between the two teams came in AOCAF IV, in Starblaydia, where the Vilitan Senior Squad was held back at airport Customs, leaving the reserves to get destroyed in the Second Round of the competition to none-other than hosts Starblaydia. The two teams have also met in other competitions, most notably Vilita's triumph over reigning champions Starblaydia in their first Cherry Cup of Hockey, and the current Atlantian Oceania Champions League, where Vilitan side Strike FC have made the final, and all Starblaydi clubs have met their demise.

Vilita V. Starblaydia (All Time)

4 - 0 V Starblaydia [ Eagles Cup III ]
1 - 1 V Starblaydia [ Eagles Cup III ]
1 - 6 V Starblaydia [ AOCAF III ]
1 - 0 V Starblaydia [ IRC ]
1 - 2 V Starblaydia [ Under-21 Friendly ]
2 - 3 V Starblaydia [ World Cup 15 Qualifying ]
2 - 1 V Starblaydia [ World Cup 15 Qualifying ]

-------------------Andrea Lamberti returns for the match against Starblaydia, the same player who conceded the penalty kick that saw Nova Britannicus 1-0 winners on Matchday One. The In-Form Riccardo Appolloni returns from a break in the NSCL schedule to partner Callum Banda in attack. Umberto Melli takes up an unfamiliar role on right wing, swapping with Marasent Sioane who moves to the inside. In an interesting move, both substitute Goalkeepers Delain Falcón from Turoki Isle and Bryan 'Pop' Duiker from Yeaddin Owls have been named on the bench.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/teamsheet.gif
Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Esemar Aliana, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Andrea Lamberti, [DMC] Jürgen Ramzi, [ML] Inaki Soler, [MC] Santo Kecker, [MC] Marasent Sioane, [MR] Umberto Melli, [FC] Riccardo Appolloni, [FC] Callum Banda,
BENCH::
[FC] Serge DuPont, [FC] Carmine Mbidzo, [M] Antonis Siazzu, [M] Tanner Nerni, [U] Delain Falcón, [D] Ricky Ezis, [GK] Bryan 'Pop' Duiker

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