NationStates Jolt Archive

Fleetfoot helps Hurricanes claim vital point!

Fred Fleetfoot was the hero of the day with a 76th minute penalty save from Jackson Reinhardt. Smithers had dragged down Xi to give away the penalty, so it was no surprise that the Forest defender was the first to congratulate the keeper!

It was an important match for both sides, the Lions trying to close off one of the qualification spots, while the Hurricanes were hoping to secure their place at the top of the table. While the match could never live up to the 7 goal thiller that was the last meeting of these sides, the teams went at it full throttle from the start. Ya blasted inches wide after 2 minutes, while Xi headed against the post after 5. It was the home side that hit first, Xi got away from Smithers and blasted the ball across goal. Reinhardt outpaced Sleet and knocked the ball in.

The Lions lead was shortlived however. White got away from Best and as al-Armani came to block him, White played in Woods. The O'Connor Greens vetren slammed the ball beyond Paulsen for the equaliser. Woods was also involved in the second Hurricane goal, playing a 1-2 on the edge of the box with Ya before playing the ball behind Chang for Ze Bulliao to take round Paulsen and hit into the open goal. 2-1 Hurricanes at half-time.

After the break the Lions came out roaring. Reinhardt rasped a shot just wide before Xi again hit the woodwork. The equaliser eventually arrived on the hour mark. Willow got away from Normandy and crossed the ball in where Xi again got ahead of Smithers, and finally managed to get the ball between the sticks beyond the reach of Fleetfoot. 2-2

Then came the excitment of the final 15 minutes, this time the Hurricanes avoided conseeding the late goal and claimed the result. It keeps the Hurricanes top of the group, though now the top four sides are only separated by 3 points, with Halfassed still having to face Ineptia and Aquilla in the final few games.

Oaker Sharks

Stadium: Pinealla International Stadium

Roster:

Martin Oaker (GK), Carrin Oaker (GK), Stef Oaker (D), Gray Oaker (D), Todd Oaker (D), Lenny Oaker (D), Tabby Oaker (D), Scott Oaker (M) Freddy Oaker (M), Sport Oaker (M), Venus Oaker (M), Arthin Oaker (M), Kelvin Oaker (M), Vincey Oaker (M), Flash Oaker (F), Tip Oaker (F), Cats Oaker (F), Pond Oaker (F)


Oaker 1 Cirdanistan 1


The sharks lost vital ground in Group 3 by failing to defeat Cirdanistan. With Svecias loss, the Sharks could have all but clinched qualification, and a possible top of the table position with a victory over Cirdanistan. Instead, both Melmond and Snub Nose 38 are now in position to overtake Oaker if they fail to get 3 points against HypercapitaliZm. a victory there would seemingly guarentee the sharks of a finals place unless they lose highly in their last two matches. If Oaker Win in HypercapitaliZm, and Melmond do not win their 3 remaining matches, then the Sharks will be going to the World Cup Finals.

Flash Oaker maintained his goalscoring streak, which now is at 7 games, including all 7 Group 3 matches. He opened the scoring in the 31st minute by running fast like he always does around the defense and putting the ball in the net, like he usually does when he scores a goal. But for the second time, Flash's brilliance was not enough, as Cirdanistan scored late in the game to postpone the Oaker celebration for at least one more match, as they wait to say that they have finished in the top 2 in their group. Flash knows how important an Oaker win would be against HypercapitaliZm, as a loss would almost certainly see them overtaken by Melmond or Snub Nose 38.


Headlines

Sales of Flash Oaker's #17 uniform have continued, and orders have now come in from Halfassedstates in addition to The Lowland Clans, Kingsford, One Red Dot, Sarzonia, Iansisle, and Oglethorpia, but have stopped coming in from Melmond.

The Real-Life Flash Oaker is still competing on the new local reality show "Oaker Stars take a Bath" where local celebrities are all thrown naked into a hot tub, and longer they last in the tub, the more objects will be thrown into the tub, from flying fish to purple skin die, which does not wash off, but does wear off after approximately 5 weeks of natural exposure. The last celebrity in the tub wins Ox/10.000.000 for a charity of their choice.

The Fourth Star to exit the tub was Fashion Model Imaditz Oaker. In a very simple case, Imaditz went to rub her face with her hand when she noticed her fingers had started to wrinkle. A loud scream could be heard around the globe before Imaditz fainted and had to be removed from the tub to prevent her death. Maybe they should have just kept her in there...

Race Car Driver Vroomz Oaker was the third to exit the show. Vroomz, who makes his living driving at speeds in upwards of 400m/s in the new OaKar Series, was apparently more interested in playing with one of the lighting guys kids who had a remote control vehicle that did flips and climbed rocks. Hey, at least he was playing with a kid...

Beethovia Oaker was the second star to exit after the Oakerap star apparently saw a "*$*&^$ West *&%@*& Coast *&^*!& *&%^*&%@ Man *&%*@&%* *@&%*@ *&%@*^% *&%*@*&% (*%@*@&@ Dammmmn" and hopped out of the tub to chase him. So much for improving your image.

Bulzyit Oaker, the Newscaster from Channel 0 was the first to exit after apparantly overhearing some hot gossip betwen two actresses and did not care enough about the charity to stay and win money for them, but just wanted to produce a news story. stupid reporters.




Thats all from Oaker today, tune in tomorrow for a report on the match against Hypercapitalizm!

LyKaiA Sporting History:
Baptism of Fire:

Lykaia 0-2 Asecensia
Lykaia 0-2 Oaker
Lykaia 0-0 Calientia

Final Standing: 4/4 (0-1-2)

Average Goals Scored: 0
Average Goals Against: 1.33Cup of Harmony:

Lykaia 0-5 Cockbill Street
Lykaia 0-2 Jeruselem
Lykaia 0-2 Wella
Lykaia 0-1 Svecia
Lykaia 0-1 Jeruselem
Lykaia 0-1 Krytenia (AET)

Final Standing: 16/16 (0-*-6)

Average Goals Scored: 0
Average Goals Against: 2World Cup #15:

Lykaia 1-2 Melmond
Lykaia 1-3 Intelligent Madness
Lykaia 0-2 Turnia
Lykaia 3-0 Everybody Dies
Lykaia 4-0 Coruna
Lykaia 2-0 The Home Islands
Lykaia 0-2 Brazillico
Lykaia 0-3 Europa Brittania
Lykaia 2-1 NEWI Cefn Druids
Lykaia 0-1 Melmond
Lykaia 0-1 Intelligent Madness
Lykaia 1-2 Turnia
Lykaia 2-3 Everybody Dies
Lykaia 2-2 Coruna
Lykaia 1-4 The Home Islands
Lykaia 0-1 Brazillico
Lykaia 1-0 Europa Brittania
Lykaia 1-2 NEWI Cefn Druids

Final Standing: 7/10 (5-1-12)

Average Goals Scored in Victory : 2.4
Average Goals Against in Victory: 0.2

Average Goals Scored in Defeat: 0.58
Average Goals Against in Defeat: 2.17

Only Once has Lykaia scored more than 1 goal and lost. (2-3 vs. Everybody Dies)World Cup #16:

Lykaia 1-0 The Weegies
Lykaia 2-1 Johhny Big Pants
Lykaia 3-1 Northbank
Lykaia 1-1 Liverpool England
Lykaia 1-0 Spaam
Lykaia 3-0 The Weegies
Lykaia 3-1 Johhny Big Pants


Current Standing: 1/6 (6-1-0)

Average Goals Scored in Victory : 2.2
Average Goals Against in Victory: 0.5

Average Goals Scored in Defeat: N/A
Average Goals Against in Defeat: N/A

Lykaia's Defense has conceded just over 0.5 Goals per Game.

World Cup 16 Information

Region 8 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Lykaia 19 6 1 0 14: 4 10
2. Liverpool England 15 4 3 0 10: 3 7
3. Spaam 9 2 3 2 8: 7 1
4. The Weegies 9 2 3 2 10:11 -1
5. Northbank 5 1 2 4 7:12 -5
6. Johhny Big Pants 0 0 0 7 2:14 -12

Lykaia's +10 Goal Differential is one of the best in the World Cup right now.

Top 10 Best Goal Differentials:
1. The Eagles Nest 19 6 1 0 22: 3 19
2. NEWI Cefn Druids 18 6 0 1 21: 6 15
Audioslavia 19 6 1 0 22: 7 15
4. Eauz 16 5 1 1 17: 4 13
Europa Brittania 18 6 0 1 17: 4 13
5. Kaze Progressa 19 6 1 0 16: 4 12
6. Total n Utter Insanity 18 6 0 1 14: 3 11
Krytenia 15 5 0 2 17: 6 11
7. Lykaia 19 6 1 0 14: 4 10
Wella 14 4 2 1 16: 6 10
Squornshelous 17 5 2 0 14: 4 10
Halfassedstates 16 5 1 1 17: 7 10




Lykaia are proud to be the first team to officialy qualify for the Finals of the World Cup. This is only the second ever World Cup for the Lykaia Nation, So we are very pleased to make it to continue playing. No matter if we continue to play without losing, or if we lose the games it will be enjoyable to compete again with the best teams and try to beat them. We wish the best of luck to the teams that join the Lykaia Nation in the final of the World Cup and also to those that do not make it. We feel bad for Johhny Big Pants. That used to be us.

The Red Dot Informant

PORTEN, ONE RED DOT - The Wolves gave Mattigool a taste of a 1-0 loss outside home territory yesterday when a repeat of the previous ORD-Mattiggol match occurred, only this time in reverse.

Head Coach Christopher Gwee was very pleased with the team's solid progress. "Right now we're up at the top with four wins. I know, it's not something we're comfortable with at such a stage, but in a situation like this, we've got to make do with the best we can get."

This win puts ORD ahead on Goal Difference only. With only four matches left till the end, the Wolves need to get at least another 2 wins before safety can even be partially secured.

In other group news, Larkinia gave Zangara a good 4-0 thumping, although it was a scoreless draw before, and Kerla showed that they would never get singed by Tasty Toast, beating them again, although with a goal margin of one goal less.

One Red Dot plays against Kerla next.

Region 5 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. One Red Dot 13 4 1 2 12: 6 6
2. Mattigool 13 4 1 2 8: 7 1
3. Larkinia 12 3 3 1 14: 5 9
4. Kerla 11 3 2 2 11: 7 4
5. Tasty Toast 8 2 2 3 6:11 -5
6. Zangara 1 0 1 6 2:17 -15
Zangara is the first group victim of mathematical elimination and by the way the pace is going, it would take another 2 days before another is eliminated.

Spurland Colloect First Win
Manager Suprised As Second Choice Team Win

The Spurland national side managed to steal a win against Crystilakere in a game that ended 3-1 with two late goals for the home team. This was Spurland'f first ever victory at home. The manager decided to field a second string side as the teams chances for qualification have all but disappeared, and was supried with the outcome of the game.

"Well, didn't really expect that now. Just gotta say well done to the boys," said manager Morzaria.

The home side opened the scoring through defender Thorston Willhelmson. Crystilakere equalised through Zucco. The game was sealed in the dieing minutes of the match with each of Spurlands strikers getting a goal. First was Robert Yeats and then youngster Dean Morris, both goals s the result of superb individual efforts.

Spurland face Haperd away from home next and the same team is expected to be fielded after this display. Spurland technically havnt been eliminated yet but would need to win their remaining games and pray.


Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. The Eagles Nest 19 6 1 0 22: 3 19
2. Tadjikistan 13 4 1 2 15: 9 6
3. Crystilakere 13 4 1 2 12: 9 3
4. Haperd 7 2 1 4 10:18 -8
5. Spurland 5 1 2 4 12:20 -8
6. Loonyvania 2 0 2 5 3:15 -12


Probabal Lineup Against Haperd: (4-4-2)
16. Robbie Hutch GK

12. Daniel Brown DL
14. Kevin Atkinson DR
4. William Prince DC
22. Thorston Willhelmson DC

21. John Blue ML
7. Martin Ricketts MC
18. Terry Motson MC
9. Peter Mannes MR(c)

10. Robert Yeats SC
19. Dean Morris SC


Fixtures/Results:
Matchday 1:
Spurland v Tadjikistan L 3-4
Matchday 2:
Crystilakere v Spurland D 1-1
Matchday 3:
Spurland v Haperd L 2-4
Matchday 4:
Spurland v Loonyvania D 2-2
Matchday 5:
The Eagles Nest v Spurland L 5-0
Matchday 6:
Tadjikistan v Spurland L 3-1
Matchday 7:
Spurland v Crystilakere W 3-1
Matchday 8:
Haperd v Spurland
Matchday 9:
Loonyvania v Spurland
Matchday 10:
Spurland v The Eagles Nest

With just 3 match-days left, lets have a quick look at the cuurent state of play.


Region 1 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Kaze Progressa 19 6 1 0 16: 4 12
2. Dennisov 14 4 2 1 12: 9 3
3. Gesamtkuntswerk 13 4 1 2 9: 4 5
4. Fawcett City 7 2 1 4 6:12 -6
5. Oceaice 4 1 1 5 7:18 -11
6. Kylaai 3 1 0 6 10:13 -3

The big 3 have pulled away from the rest, with top seeds KP probably only a win away from qualification (thanks to their GD). Dennisov are just edging Gesamtkuntswerk for the other qualification spot, though they still have to face the other pair. Fawcett City have performed well in their first outing, averaging a point per game and sitting 4th.
Best performance : Fawcett City
Probable qualifiers : KP and Ges.


Region 2 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Europa Brittania 18 6 0 1 17: 4 13
2. EL CID THE HERO 13 4 1 2 8: 5 3
3. Oglethorpia 12 4 0 3 13: 8 5
4. Magnus Valerius 12 4 0 3 11:10 1
5. Bluesonia 6 2 0 5 6:15 -9
6. Artoonia 1 0 1 6 3:16 -13

EB are once again showing their footballing prowess. Olgethorpia have under performed slighty and are now in a three way battle for the second spot. El Cid currently lead that race by a point from Ogle and MV. As these three all still have to play each other, its going to be tight!
Best performance : El Cid just gets it
Prob qualifiers : EB and Ogle


Region 3 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Svecia 18 6 0 1 13: 9 4
2. Oaker 16 5 1 1 14: 6 8
3. Melmond 10 3 1 3 12:10 2
4. Snub Nose 38 9 3 0 4 15: 7 8
5. HypercapitaliZm 6 2 0 5 7:13 -6
6. Cirdanistan 2 0 2 5 3:19 -16

Well where do we start! SN38 have somehow managed to lose by the odd goal 4 times and are now struggling despiratly, all this despite having the best GD in the group! Svecia have moved along well (last game aside) and are almost certainly home. Oaker have been the pleasant surprise in this group and just need a win to progress, though as they face Svecia and SN38 in the final two games, the next match against Hypercapitalism could be vital to their chances.
Best Performance : Oaker
Prob qualifiers : Svecia and Oaker


Region 4 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Halfassedstates 16 5 1 1 17: 7 10
2. Ineptia 15 5 0 2 15: 9 6
3. Bedistan 13 4 1 2 19:10 9
4. Aquilla 13 4 1 2 12: 5 7
5. Anitram 4 1 1 5 9:20 -11
6. ASSKICKEN 0 0 0 7 2:23 -21

Nice to see the Halfassed name back at the top of the tree, but this is one of 4 groups that see four sides within a win of top spot. Matchday 9 could prove decisive, with Bedistan playing Ineptia and Aquilla hosting Halfassed.
Best performer : Ineptia
Prob qualifiers : No comment!!!


Region 5 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. One Red Dot 13 4 1 2 12: 6 6
2. Mattigool 13 4 1 2 8: 7 1
3. Larkinia 12 3 3 1 14: 5 9
4. Kerla 11 3 2 2 11: 7 4
5. Tasty Toast 8 2 2 3 6:11 -5
6. Zangara 1 0 1 6 2:17 -15

Even closer than the last group, just two points split the four at the top. As before, matchday 9 will see the four all face each other and will probably decide who progresses. ORD and Matti head the way at the moment, and should be able to cling on, although Larkinia's GD could be very useful!
Best performer : Larkinia
Prob qualifiers : ORD and Matti


Region 6 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Audioslavia 19 6 1 0 22: 7 15
2. Vilita 13 4 1 2 13: 5 8
3. The Redavic Union 12 4 0 3 11: 9 2
4. Raptor Claw 10 3 1 3 11: 8 3
5. Hazlia 5 1 2 4 6:17 -11
6. Adrasuvare 1 0 1 6 2:19 -17

Favourites storming away here. Audio as good as through with the other sides all to face each other. Vilita have shock troops TRU hard on their heels and these pair are on course for a winner takes all final day match-up.
Best Performer : Audio
Prob qualifiers: Audio and Vilita


Region 7 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. The Lowland Clans 19 6 1 0 12: 5 7
2. Oddslavo 15 5 0 2 10: 6 4
3. Lemmitania 13 4 1 2 11: 5 6
4. The Evil Umpire 12 4 0 3 13: 7 6
5. Taokoualu 1 0 1 6 3:12 -9
6. Terenia 1 0 1 6 2:16 -14

TLC have played brilliantly so far, and a win against Oddslavo on matchday 9 would seal their qualification. Oddslavo currently head the under-performing Lemmitania, but the face the Lemmings next before the battle with the Stars. TEU are still in with a shot at the second spot, but surely someone is going to notice their players 'questionable' behaviour and install some sort of penatly that will end their hopes!
Best Performer : TLC
Prob qualifiers : TLC and Lemm


Region 8 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Lykaia 19 6 1 0 14: 4 10
2. Liverpool England 15 4 3 0 10: 3 7
3. Spaam 9 2 3 2 8: 7 1
4. The Weegies 9 2 3 2 10:11 -1
5. Northbank 5 1 2 4 7:12 -5
6. Johhny Big Pants 0 0 0 7 2:14 -12

As good as over, though there is no way these were the teams expected to be here! Lykaia have came from nowhere to claim their spot, with LE looking likely to follow them leaving Spaam and the Weegies out in the cold.
Best performer : Lykaia
Already there : Lykaia
Prob qualifer : LE


Region 9 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Sarzonia 13 3 4 0 13: 7 6
2. Lovisa 13 3 4 0 10: 4 6
3. Jeruselem 11 3 2 2 10: 6 4
4. Tanah Burung 11 3 2 2 9: 6 3
5. Minas Trith 6 1 3 3 7:11 -4
6. New Cyprus 1 0 1 6 3:18 -15

Another two point between four team senario(sp?) Sarzonia surprisingly lead the way from Lovisa. Once again the highlight will be matchday 9 when they face each other.
Best performer : Sarzonia
Prob qualifiers : Lovisa and TB


Region 10 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Total n Utter Insanity 18 6 0 1 14: 3 11
2. The Belmore Family 15 5 0 2 13: 5 8
3. Turnia 13 4 1 2 12: 4 8
4. Ravenspire 13 4 1 2 12: 7 5
5. Ruslana 1 0 1 6 2:18 -16
6. West Pacific 1 0 1 6 1:17 -16

TnUI need four points from the last 9 to make it. Behind them, TBF lead the way, though Turnia and Ravenspire are hard on their heels for the second spot and both have still to play the Belmores.
Best Performer : TnUI
Prob qualifiers : TnUI and TBF


Region 11 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. NEWI Cefn Druids 18 6 0 1 21: 6 15
2. Eauz 16 5 1 1 17: 4 13
3. Creedence Clearwater 13 4 1 2 11:10 1
4. Avenging Altos 10 3 1 3 11:13 -2
5. Nominaen 3 1 0 6 2:17 -15
6. Ebon Hawk 1 0 1 6 5:17 -12

Any two from three, though CC need to beat Eauz and then NEWI back to back to stand a chance, even then, their GD basically means they need another point! AA are still there mathmatically, but I fell their input will be more of possible damage to others than a serious chance of progressing.
Best Performer : NEWI
Prob qualifiers : NEWI and Eauz


Region 12 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Squornshelous 17 5 2 0 14: 4 10
2. Krytenia 15 5 0 2 17: 6 11
3. Nikea 14 4 2 1 9: 3 6
4. NASTIC 2 10 3 1 3 14: 9 5
5. The Gulf States 1 0 1 6 3:18 -15
6. The Water Cooler* -6 1 0 6 2:19 -17

Two from three again. Nikea and Squorn up there once again, with Krytenia joining the dogfight. The Krytenians have played well and could make it, though they still have to face Squorn and Nikea. The Squorn match will be tough, the Nikea match should be as well, though not much is really known about how they have been performing in matches so far. With TWC dropping out of the event, the three points and free matchday could be enough to give Nikea the edge they need to end te Krytenia challenge.
Best performer : Krytenia
Prob qualifiers : Squorn and Nikea


Region 13 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Kingsford 15 5 0 2 12: 3 9
2. Wella 14 4 2 1 16: 6 10
3. Turori 13 4 1 2 15: 9 6
4. Giant Zucchini 13 4 1 2 11: 9 2
5. Dead Man 4 1 1 5 4:16 -12
6. Largemanistan 1 0 1 6 3:18 -15

4 teams, 2 points, you know the score! Kings and GZ have under performed slightly, giving Wella and Turori the chance to make a real contest of it. Very difficult to call, as GZ are also struggling with the worst GD of the sides involved, but experience should tell!
Best performers : Wella and Turori
Prob qualifiers: Kings and GZ


Region 14 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Commerce Heights 15 5 0 2 11: 3 8
2. Iansisle 14 4 2 1 12: 6 6
3. Cockbill Street 9 2 3 2 5: 5 0
4. Starblaydia 8 2 2 3 8:10 -2
5. Soccer Hooliganism 7 2 1 4 6:14 -8
6. Slaikau 5 1 2 4 4: 8 -4

Overall 4th seeds CH have the lead from Iansisle. CS have not been doing well and look likly to miss out. Rather worringly, Soccer Hooliganism seems to have taken root in this region, something that could cause problems for everyone if it spills over into other lands!
Best Performer : Iansisle
Prob Qualifiers : CH and Ians


Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. The Eagles Nest 19 6 1 0 22: 3 19
2. Tadjikistan 13 4 1 2 15: 9 6
3. Crystilakere 13 4 1 2 12: 9 3
4. Haperd 7 2 1 4 10:18 -8
5. Spurland 5 1 2 4 12:20 -8
6. Loonyvania 2 0 2 5 3:15 -12

Almost completely to form this one, TEN safe in pole and Tad in second. The only minor (rating wise) shock is that Crystil are level with Tad. The face-off between these two should decide things, though GD could be important!
Best Performer : TEN
Prob Qualifiers : TEN and either Tad or Crystil (we'll chance a fiver on Tad! )

Draw means Blades look to arithmetic
Mathematicians earn big money for sports anaylsis

http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/SportsMinistryLo.jpg

Young centre-back Spike MArtin will miss the Commerce Heights match after picking up a one-match suspension for his third yellow card of the tournament. This will mean that Moses Brown, 23, will start the match against the World Champions and become the first Hallad Reavers player to start a senior international match. Martin's caution came in only the fourth minute as he brought down a Slaikau forward for a penalty, subsequently dispatched past Da Silva. Nikola 'Laser' Lazerevski scored his first and second goals of the Qualifiers, both times to bring Starblaydia level. He is still Starblaydia's record international goal-scorer with 14, though Simeone Di Bradini is hot on his heels with 10 and also has a good nine years on the not-long-to-retire Laser, 32.

And what about qualification hopes? To put it quite simply and in the proverbial nutshell, Starblaydia need two wins from two, along with Iansisle losing both and Cockbill Street drawing (or worse) twice.

This, as the more statistically-minded among you may have guessed, is nigh-on impossible, which undoubtedly means that Starblaydia are 'Going Home in a Big White Aeroplane' (as the Starblaydi fans chant it so well) for the second World Cup in succession. The fact this is only their second World Cup shouldn't make the first fact too hard to bear.

The hardest fact is that Starblaydi may actually finish worse than 4th place in this group. Soccer Hooliganism and Slaikau are one and three points behind Starblaydia respectively. As Starblaydia only managed 1 point from 6 at home to Commerce Heights and Cockbill Street, their final opponents, Slaikau and the Hooligans may be able to leapfrog them and leave Starblaydia stranded at the foot of what was the tightest group last week.

There's always next year, of course. So the one thing Starblaydia should do over the next two games is summed up in two words. Have Fun. They should go and play the World Champions and the Street like they were kids in the park. They should try and show off and be exuberant throughout, showing all the people back home how much they love this 20,000 credit-a-week job of theirs.

I think they owe us that much, at least.

Final Score:
Starblaydia 2 - 2 Slaikau
(Lazerevski 24, 75) - (Slai 5 (pen), Kau 36)

Other Group 14 results
Cockbill Street 3 - 0 Soccer Hooliganism
The Street continue to push Iansisle for the second Qualification spot with a good win over the Hooligans.
Iansisle 3 - 3 Commerce Heights
Neither side can break away from the nations chasing them with this six-goal thriller.

Group 14 Standings after 8 games
Group 14 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Commerce Heights 16 5 1 2 14: 6 8
2. Iansisle 15 4 3 1 15: 9 6
*****************************************************
3. Cockbill Street 12 3 3 2 8: 5 3
*4 Starblaydia 9 2 3 3 10:12 -2*
5. Soccer Hooliganism 7 2 1 5 6:17 -11
6. Slaikau 6 1 3 4 6:10 -4

The Sarzonian national team played its final home fixture of the World Cup qualifying campaign in Woodstock, defeating New Cyprus 3-1 in front of a sold out crowd of 67,135 at Hendrix Stadium in Woodstock.

Forwards Anton Gregor and Brian Wilson opened the scoring just 80 seconds apart, with Gregor firing from ten yards out past a stunned goalkeeper just three minutes in. Wilson took advantage of a cynical challenge on midfielder Darwin Russell by converting the penalty kick in the fifth minute of the match.

The Stars added to their margin in the 42nd minute when Russell struck with a "beautiful" bending free kick from 21 yards out to give the hosts a 3-0 margin at the half.

New Cyprus were the benefit of a fluky own goal when midfielder Jeff Conley tried to send a pass back to goalkeeper Troy Perkins and the pass went past the surprised goalkeeper in the 55th minute.

"That was a vital three points," Coach Bryan Marshall said. "We needed that desperately with the tough two matches ahead of us."

The team travels to Tanah Burung, followed by group leaders Lovisa for the last two matches.

"That is where it's decided whether or not we advance," midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey said.

Jeruselem Government News

Unhelpful draw assists Group 9 leaders

Jeruselem drew 1-1 with higher ranked Tanah Burung while Sarzonia and Lovisa win their games. With two games left in the world cup XVI, today's draw was not want the team needed with a win the real requirement.

With Sarzonia and Lovisa unbeaten at 4 wins and 4 draws, it looks hard for Jeruselem and Tanah Burung to beat overhaul them (3 wins, 3 draws, 2 losses). While Jeruselem look solid compared to the last two world cup distasters, the two losses have made things hard and they need to win the next two games.

Jeruselem 1 Tanah Burung 1


Region 9 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Sarzonia 16 4 4 0 16: 8 8
2. Lovisa 16 4 4 0 12: 4 8
3. Jeruselem 12 3 3 2 11: 7 4
4. Tanah Burung 12 3 3 2 10: 7 3
5. Minas Trith 6 1 3 4 7:13 -6
6. New Cyprus 1 0 1 7 4:21 -17

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Roarin' Good
MD8 results paint much brighter picture for Lions

CHRYSAESTOS, Aquilla -- In keeping with tradition, the home team once again lost in a Bedistan-Aquilla match. Luckily for us, it was Aquilla playing at home this time, and although the Eagles proved to be quite a tough nut to crack, Benjamin Xi would come through with what was ultimately the game-winning goal in the 53rd minute, converting a nice play into the box by Dave al-Armani.

"If we hadn't won that game, I would've been forced to quit my job," said manager Brandon Barton afterward. "Seriously, McGuire would've fired me on the spot. Not that I could live with myself after losing to Aquilla twice anyway." Bedistan Football Association president Javier McGuire could not be reached for comment.

In other fantastic Group 4 news, Anitram successfully pulled off a 1-0 upset against the seemingly-invincible Ineptia, robbing the latter of three points. The combination of these two games has moved Bedistan up to second place in the table on sixteen points, three behind group leaders Halfassedstates, who managed a modest 3-0 win over the 0-0-8 ASSKICKEN.

Though qualification is not anywhere near a lock for Bedistan, and isn't one for Halfassed yet either, the next matchday could decide it all, with Halfassed facing Aquilla and the Lions playing Ineptia. If Bedistan wins and the Hurricanes don't lose, they're both through, leaving Ineptia and Aquilla out in the cold. The other match is between Anitram and ASSKICKEN, which is of no importance other than the near certainty that Anitram will gain three useless points from it.

Go Lions!

Final score:
Aquilla 0
Bedistan 1 (Xi 53)

DAILY CROCODILE

Harmony Bound?
By Our Cub Reporter

The people of Tanah Burung are holding their collective breath after a disappointing draw against Jeruselem that left both sides facing elimination. The group leaders, Sarzonia and Lovisa, have 16 points, meaning that the Crocodiles (with 12 points) will need to win both their remaining matches to have a mathematical chance to go through to the World Cup: and even that is unlikely to be enough.

Otherwise, the Cup of Harmony beckons: a tournament first invented the last time the Crocs missed the Cup.

A solemn mass preceded the match against Jeruselem, players from both sides praying together and then trying to knock the other out of qualifiers. Afterwards, fans streamed out, many in tears. The crucial next match is against group leaders Sarzonia, who have shocked the higher-ranked sides to show themselves the class of the group.

The Crocs' coach, Sister Rosaria de la Cruz, withdrew to her convent for "personal reasons" after the draw, and was said to be "moist and emotional" by close friends. The last-ditch qualification drive will see her shoes filled by Modesto Ruak Ruak, the fourth generation of his family to coach Tanah Burung.

"We'll just do our best to beat those giant spiders from Sarzonia," said Ruak Ruak as he was installed. A clarfication issued by team psychiatrist Leonardo Boff said the coach had meant to say "Sarzonians. Clearly some sort of giant prehistoric dinosaur creature." A second clarification ... oh, never mind. Cup of Harmony, here we come.

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Vilita [1]-[0] Adrasuvare
..................................[ Banda 4 ]............

Jlinal Cove Complex, Jlinal, Vilita
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..........Following the Dissapointing defeat to Audioslavia, the Vilita Jungle Cats returned home to Jlinal hoping to avoid a repeat of the embarrassing goalless draw suffered on Matchday 3 in Adrasuvare. A Packed Jlinal Cove Stadium saw Jlinal Cove FC Regulars Jaloey Afrikka and Jonathon Baledrokadroka take the field to a standing ovation prior to the important kick off. Only a victory could ensure that Vilita would reamin in the top 2 at the end of the day.

..........Callum Banda made certain there would not be a repeat of the goalless first meeting between the sides less than 5 minutes in when he used his strength to out class the Adrasuvare defenders and out class the impressive Adra's Keeper for his 26th Career goal at the Senior International Level. Banda's goal would surprisingly be the Jungle Cats only registered shot in the first half, with Massimo Corsi being tested three times by a surprisingly determined Adrasuvare Attack.

..........Coach Helmut Vilkaus made one change at the half, handing Tanner Nerni 45 minutes to impress before the big games against Raptor Claw and The Redavic Union. Nerni would not dissapoint, adding a much needed spark into a lacklustre Vilita Performance, his runs down the right proving to be not only effective, but inspirational as well. Nerni cut in without support with 15 minutes to go, only to see the Adra's keeper palm his skillfull shot over the cross bar for a Jungle Cat Corner. Nerni would again see agony when his poke-shot from 6 yards could only be cleared off the line. The match ended with Nerni in possession wondering what he needed to do to get the ball in the back of the net, The Jungle Cats coming out important Victors in the race for Group 6 Qualification.


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Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Massimo Corsi, [D] Enzo Ahat, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Danilo Liguori, [DM] Antonis Ratuva, [M] Jonathon Stott, [M] Jonathon Baledrokadroka, [M] Umberto Melli, [M] Alexander Östling, [F] Callum Banda, [F] Germán Salomón
BENCH::
[F] Serge DuPont, [F] Lorenzo Mumamba, [M] Musa Nikiema, [M] Tanner Nerni, [U] Baron O'Toole, [D] Esemar Aliana, [GK] Jimmy Kater


Motivated Melli off to Flying Start

Vilitan FA Press Release, Alikki-Corra, Vilita::
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------------Umberto Melli hit a late hat trick to propel Tonka City to a 3-0 Victory over the Wurtherington Wanderers, knocking Wurtherington off the top of the Giant Zucchini Premier League, and placing distance between City and the bottom of the table. The match was a surprisingly even affair between teams at opposite ends of the Giant Zucchini spectrum, until Melli broke the ice first 10 minutes into the second half. Tonka City were awarded a free kick on the edge of the area, and Melli made no mistake in placing the ball perfectly around the 5 man wall and into the far corner of the Wanderers net. The match looked to be heading for a 1-0 Victory before a late attacking charge by Wurtherington. With all players pushed foward, including the goalkeeper who was outside of his box in a defending catch role, the aggressive Melli, on loan from Vilitan Stellar Division side Strike FC, was able to steal in and fire a skilled shot from distance that the Wanderers goalkeeper was in no position to gather. From the insuing Kick-Off, a motivated Melli Again intercepted a poor Wurtherington pass to find himself in space, firing a low shot that the opposing keeper could only deflect into his own net, Melli with his first career Hat Trick in his teams 3-0 victory over former League Leading Wurtherington Wanderers.

------------The 3 goals added to Melli's season total of 5, bringing his season total to 8. Melli had previously recorded the lone goal in the 1-0 Victory over Rentruk Rovers, Tonka City's first victory in the Giant Zucchini Premiere League. Melli also recorded two goals each in the defeats to Uncle Roger F.C. and Dankeschoen F.C. Melli has scored all 8 of Tonka City's Giant Zucchini Premier League goals so far this season, and his performance certainly will not go un-noticed by Vilitan National team coach Helmut Vilkaus when it comes time to select his squad for the All-Important World Cup Qualifiers against Raptor Claw and the Redavic Union.


New Club applies for Vilitan FA Membership
Riailia Village, Riailia, Vilita::
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------------After months of speculation and years of waiting, the citizens of Riailia, a small village on the coast of Turoki Isle, will have something more to cheer about in the future when the Vilitan League season rolls around. Today, the council of Riailia approved the Riailia sporting commission, and their first course of action was submitting a formal application to the Vilitan FA for inclusion in the Vilitan League system. Of course the application was, by this time, no more than a foregone formality, but it was still a very proud moment for all the residents in the small, secluded village of Riailia.

------------While Riailia Village AFC will not be admitted until season four, and even then, will be playing no higher than the lower divisions, just having a recognized sporting franchise is more than enough for the anxious citizens, who have already begun placing pre-orders for Tickets and Apparral, and are lending all the can to help the completion of their new stadium on the outskirts of the Village. Many citizens, however, are optimistic enough about their localized ability in the sport, that they would not be surprised to see their new team make it to the Proper of the Vilitan Cup at the first attempt.


Jungle Cats Topple Krytenia

Turoki National Stadium, Turoki City, Vilita::
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------------The Vilita Jungle Cats Regional Squad got back into gear in their second matchup of AOCAF II by knocking 3 past Krytenia in front of a packed Turoki National Stadium in Turoki City. Tivali City's Hluali Mijatos netted his first in a Jungle Cat uniform to open the scoring in the 22nd minute, after Lower League standout Musa Nikiema from Jaguar Moreda provided a delivery from the right. Defender Emarka Laniora then added his name to the Jungle Cat All-Time Scorers list after he connected with a Marasent Sioane corner kick after half an hour to double the Vilitan advantage. Bryan 'Pop' Duiker had little to do in the first half, dominated by the Jungle Cats, with Yeaddin Owls prospect Sibusiso Azaïez particularly stout in defense. Stokks again got involved when he fed Carmine Mbidzo from the right, and in stoppage time, Mbidzo etched his name back into the race for a spot in the Final Vilitan World Cup roster should the Senior side qualify from World Cup 16 Qualifying group 6.


-----------Krytenia got one goal back through 17 year old Acienko Rimmer, scoring in a rare Celestial attack 10 minutes into the second half. The Jungle Cats, being led by Baron O'Toole and Lorenzo Mumamba in Player-Coach roles in the dugout, made their first substitution on 67 minutes, giving Jimmy Kater a chance to impress again after sitting on the Bench for the Adrasuvare match. O'Toole and Mumamba then inserted themselves into the game on 72 and 77 minutes respectively, before the final whistle blew, putting the Jungle Cats back in the race for their first AOCAF Title


Nerni Handed First Start
Vilita Teamsheet vs. Raptor Claw
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........17 Year Old Cednia Beach Midfielder Tanner Nerni is handed his first Career Senior International start, after impressing as a debutant substitute against Adrasuvare. Nerni is chosen in favor of the recently unproductive duo of Jonathon's, Stott and Baledrokadroka on the Right Hand Side. Malovar Stokks also gets a starting role on the opposite Wing providing a two pronged wing attack of youth an speed. Captain Santo Kecker returns in the center of midfield, while defender Enzo Ahat takes a match off on the bench. No Changes in Goal or Attack.

Goalkeepers :: Massimo Corsi & Jimmy Kater
Defenders :: Jaloey Afrikka, Danilo Liguori, Giacomo Adika & Enzo Ahat
Midfielders :: Jürgen Ramzi, Santo Kecker, Malovar Stokks, Alexander Östling, Tanner Nerni, Jonathon Stott, Umberto Melli & Jonathon Baledrokadroka
Forwards :: Callum Banda, Germán Salomón, Serge DuPont & Jim Vella


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Matches & Venues:
M01: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [4] - [0] Hazlia
M02: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [3] Audioslavia (The Shultis, Lonngeylin)
M03: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [0] - [0] Adrasuvare
M04: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [3] - [0] Raptor Claw (Marine World Park, Crosaibi)
M05: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [1] - [0] The Redavic Union
M06: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [3] - [0] Hazlia (National View Stadium, Morata Valley)
M07: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [0] - [2] Audioslavia
M08: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [1] - [0] Adrasuvare (Jlinal Cove Complex, Jlinal)
M09: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] Raptor Claw
M10: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] The Redavic Union (The Shultis, Lonngeylin)

Draw: The Result at Haperd
Spurland Come From Behind to Earn Draw

A second string Spurland team managed to get another point. Dean Morris was the scorer. They went one goal down early in the first half and were once again level just before the referee blew for half time. The game ended with that scoreline in a game where both tems needed to win to keep their hopes of reaching the next round of the competition alive.

Spurland are now mathematically eliminated from the competition, but they werent expected to qualify anyway. Haperd have also been eliminated.

Spurland now travel to lowly Loonyvania who held them to a draw in the reverse fixture.



Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. The Eagles Nest 22 7 1 0 24: 3 21
2. Tadjikistan 16 5 1 2 16: 9 7
3. Crystilakere 13 4 1 3 12:11 1
4. Haperd 8 2 2 4 11:19 -8
5. Spurland 6 1 3 4 13:21 -8
6. Loonyvania 2 0 2 6 3:16 -13

Fixtures/Results:
Matchday 1:
Spurland v Tadjikistan L 3-4
Matchday 2:
Crystilakere v Spurland D 1-1
Matchday 3:
Spurland v Haperd L 2-4
Matchday 4:
Spurland v Loonyvania D 2-2
Matchday 5:
The Eagles Nest v Spurland L 5-0
Matchday 6:
Tadjikistan v Spurland L 3-1
Matchday 7:
Spurland v Crystilakere W 3-1
Matchday 8:
Haperd v Spurland D 1-1
Matchday 9:
Loonyvania v Spurland
Matchday 10:
Spurland v The Eagles Nest

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

Charity Begins At Home, Continues Elsewhere

CHARITABLE causes at the Republican, charitable performances on foreign fields. This was the story in Selyer as the Celestials returned to the head of the table.

With the game against The Water Cooler cancelled, the KFA decided to host a Charity Football Fun Day, with over 400,000 people attending and taking part in games such as "Beat The Keeper", "Gaffer Dunk" (Karim Isserson a good sport, even up to his waist in fish bits), and the "Free Kick Coconut Shy" (Ari Smith had the first go: he missed). Players were signing autographs all over the place, and the fans were resplendent in assorted replica shirts.

The afternoon saw two massive screens at the West Stand showing the two group games, and the cheer of hundreds of thousands of Celestials fans could probably be heard in Nastic as the final whistle went. With Nastic II defeating Squornshelous, and The Gulf States holding Nikea, Krytenia's three freebie points meant they actually nipped above the top two and into first.

The party atmosphere continued into the night, with a charity concert headlined by Cecil Poldov's band, Grassroots. All in all, over €K4m was raised for the Cancer Research Fund of Krytenia.

More serious stuff next for Krytenia, with the game away to Squornshelous. Victory in this game will see the Celestials through, a draw keeps them top, while only if they are soundly thrashed will a draw not be enough against Nikea.

Group 12 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. KRYTENIA 18 6 0 2 20: 6 14
2. Squornshelous 17 5 2 1 15: 6 9
-----------------------------------------------------
3. Nikea 15 4 3 1 10: 4 6
4. Nastic II 13 4 1 3 16:10 6
5. The Gulf States 2 0 2 6 4:19 -15
6. The Water Cooler* -9 1 0 7 2:22 -20

The Water Cooler was deducted 12 points for forfeiting 4 matches

KRYTENIA - W/O


v THE WATER COOLER


SCORERS
Ari SMITH - 6 (incl. 1 hat trick, and 1 penalty)
Colin ULVÆUS - 5 (incl. 1 hat trick)
Roger CELSEN - 2
Stephen XOUSA - 2
Acienko RIMMER - 1
Adam VERNAZZA - 1
plus 3 goals awarded in w/o vs The Water Cooler

v NASTIC II W 3-1 (Xousa, Smith, Celsen)
v The Gulf States W 4-0 (Ulvæus 3, Rimmer)
@ The Water Cooler W 4-0 (Ulvæus 2, Smith, Xousa)
v Squornshelous L 1-3 (Smith)
v Nikea L 0-1
@ NASTIC II W 3-0 (Smith 3)
@ The Gulf States W 2-1 (Vernazza, Celsen)
v The Water Cooler Walkover
@ Squornshelous
@ Nikea

TEN Secures Qualification

Strike Birds Down Crystilikare 2 Nil

The Eagles Nest secured thier ticket to WCXVI with a 2 nil win today. Goals scored by Glim Graerstiow and Siggy Secour in the 1st half allowed Coach Adams to rest many of his vetern players in the second half, subbing out Secour, Horace and Gratunia to allow them to rest going into the last few games.

Tadjikistan's win today over Loonyvania puts them now 3 points ahead of Crystilikare going into the MD9 showdown. This one match should determine who takes the second slot behind the Nest. TEN will host eliminated Haperd on MD9. One point in their last two games will secure them the Region title.

The Eagle's Nest Quafying Schedule

Matchday 1: The Eagle's Nest @ Loonyvania Win 5-0
Matchday 2: The Eagle's Nest @ Tadjikistan Win 3-0
Matchday 3: The Eagle's Nest vs. Crystilakere Win 3-1
Matchday 4: The Eagle's Nest @ Haperd Win 4-1
Matchday 5: The Eagle's Nest vs. Spurland Win 5-0
---------------------------------------------
Matchday 6: The Eagle's Nest vs. Loonyvania Win 1-0
Matchday 7: The Eagle's Nest vs. Tadjikistan Tie 1-1
Matchday 8: The Eagle's Nest @ Crystilakere Win 2-0
Matchday 9: The Eagle's Nest vs. Haperd
Matchday 10: The Eagle's Nest @ Spurland


Group 15
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
Q The Eagles Nest 8 7 1 0 24 3 21 22 28
2 Tadjikistan 8 5 1 2 16 9 7 16 22
3 Crystilakere 8 4 1 3 12 11 1 13 19
E Haperd 8 2 2 4 11 19 -8 8 14
E Spurland 8 1 3 4 13 21 -8 6 12
E Loonyvania 8 0 2 6 3 16 -13 2 8

Special Two Story Sports Edition!


VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

BUMP!
Svecia hits speed bump at Snub Nose, but qualifying still in sight

Snub Nose 38 5 Svecia 1

Snub Nose - A huge performance by an underacheiving Snub Nose side ruined Svecia's hopes of automatic first place qualification. One begins to wonder where this scoreline came from although the Lightning did just manage a 1-0 victory against the Hooligans at home.

The road trip started out on a bad note to begin with as two huge play-makers were unable to start: midfielder Sven Laursen sprained his ankle when he missed a step while climbing out of the airplane, and forward Mikael Solskjaer came down with a nasty case of food poisoning just before the match started.

Replacements were Hans Klink and Jan Kjellström, both midfielders, as coach Matt de Fijts moved the formation to a 3-5-2 in the absence of the two major players.

The lack of practice in this formation, however, showed, as the Lightning went down 4-0 in the first half.

The Snub Nose crowd cheered heartily as their team cruised. An opening goal at the 6 minute mark started the bleeding, and goals were added in the 15th, 24th, and 39th minutes.

Another goal came in the 54th minute. Svecia was unable to get on the board until the 78th minute when replacement Jan Kjellström scored on a header from a Benelux Maalerski cornerkick.

Despite this loss, 2nd place Oaker only managed a 1-1 draw with Cirdanistan, which was a big lift to Lightning supporters, as Oaker only gained one point on Svecia in region 3.



VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

CIRDANISTAN DEFENSE, FOOD POISONING EQUAL BIG YAWN FOR SOLSKJAER
Solskjaer scores hat-trick in first match back

Svecia 3 Cirdanistan 1

VILÄMNA, Svecia - Nothing stops Mikael Solskjaer. Cirdanistan found out the hard way last night as the Kystig FC forward led the way to a big W for the Lightning at the Rijksstadion.

Following a 5-1 drubbing in Snub Nose, in which Solskjaer did not play due to food poisoning, it was doubtful whether or not Solskjaer would play against Cirdanistan in his weakened state.

He showed once again why he was the Svecikan Premier League MVP for the second straight year last year as his goals in the 18th, 47th, and 65th minutes led Svecia to a much needed home win. He received a standing ovation from the sold out crowd of 70.000 when he left the game in the 68th minute with Svecia up 3-1, which was the final score.

Cirdanistan scored their lone goal in the 57th minute but Svecia controlled the momentum throughout the match.

Solskjaer's three goals make him the top Svecikan scorer ahead of Melmond Premier striker Hanan Belagt.

His first goal came on a free kick from 19 yards out that snuck past the Cirdanistan keeper, who looked like he never saw the ball around the wall. The second goal was off a cross from Belagt that beat the entire Cirdanistan defense and left Solskjaer with nothing to do but shoot past the keeper. And the third goal was a powerful header off a cross from midfielder Jan Kjellström.

The only bad news from the match was that injured midfielder Sven Laursen will be out for the rest of qualifying with a sprained ankle. However, his replacement Jan Kjellström, proved himself worthy of the starting spot for the second straight match.

The Lightning are lucky enough to get to travel to rivals Melmond for their next match. Melmond have been struggling as of late, with the losses being blamed on some strange, but yet unproved, voodoo dice. This match is followed with the final qualifying match being played at home against possible first place burglers Oaker, who are having a qualifying run that will be talked about in Oaker for years to come.

Makinshakes Presents...
The Ketchup Times!
Now you can eat your fries and read the latest news around Melmond!

Cursology Report
Things are actually looking well as the team has won their last two matches and is catching up to the second place Oaker side. Cursologist Dr. Farg U. Icehole claimed that the beholder of the voodoo dice has used a method in which media coverage counted against the Melmond side. As for the Billy Goat Curse coming from Chicago in Earth; repeated chanting of "Fish heads fish heads roly poly fish heads fish heads fish heads eat them up yum" was able to stave if off in the last two matches. In order to not get destroyed by the voodoo dice, we will keep the last two game reports to a minimum description.

Melmond Best in the Exclusive Capitalizt Zone
Melmond sweeps away the side from their regional neighbor HypercapitaliZm in the nation of Hypercapitalizm with another 3-nil drubbing. Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm seems to have regained his world class skill as HypercapitaliZm seemed to have no real shot at getting a goal. Melmond striker Benjamin Leeb and Melmond point midfielder Critandi Unne were the goal scorers for the Under-a-Cheevers as each got 2 goals and 1 goal respectively.

Torrini Gets Back at Critics By Playing His Best Match Yet
Melmond was reloaded for the match against Snub Nose 38 as starting defender Jonsi Torrini returned from injury and starting striker Chris Owen and starting midfielder Rainy Zoulthane returned from red-card suspension. Torrini, out to prove his worth after the allegations of crack use from the Cirdanistani coach David Thornby. He suffocated any would be Hooligan goalscorer, making easy plays for the rejuvenated Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm. Torrini also delivered from his corner kicks as one of his Acosta-Audioslavia arc past the Hooligan goalkeeper for the first goal and a corner kick which was headed in by striker Chris Owen for the second goal in the 2-nil victory. Melmond is only four point behind Oaker and has the easier road coming.

Tadjikistan looking good

Tigers win, while Crystils lose.

Dushanbe - The Tigers won todays match with the smallest difference possible over Loonyvania, the only goal came from Bragamian in the 27th minute. The Tigers could not impress anyone, but they secured another 3 points for Tadjikistan and right now, thats all that counts.

The Tigers are now in second position with 3 points more than Crystilakere as the Crystils lost their match in TEN with 2-0. MD9 will be very important for both teams. If the Tigers win, then they are qualified. The Tigers will also keep their second place if the game ends in a draw. Then The Crystils should win their last match with atleast 5-0 while the Tadjiks lose with 0-2. If Tadjikistan loses this crucial match, they will have to win their last match and hope to get through with a better Goal differencial.


Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. The Eagles Nest 22 7 1 0 24: 3 21
2. Tadjikistan 16 5 1 2 16: 9 7
3. Crystilakere 13 4 1 3 12:11 1
4. Haperd 8 2 2 4 11:19 -8
5. Spurland 6 1 3 4 13:21 -8
6. Loonyvania 2 0 2 6 3:16 -13


MD1:Spurland - Tadjikistan W 3-4
MD2:Tadjikistan - The Eagle's Nest L 0-3
MD3:Loonyvania - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD4:Tadjikistan - Crystilakere L 0-1
MD5:Haperd - Tadjikistan W 0-5
MD6:Tadjikistan - Spurland W 3-1
MD7:The Eagle's Nest - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD8:Tadjikistan - Loonyvania W 1-0
MD9:Crystilakere - Tadjikistan
MD10:Tadjikistan - Haperd

The Daily Indoctrinator
The Evil Umpire Closes In On Its Enemies

The Evil Umpire National Team was able to invade the enemy nation Terenia, in which gratituous uses of rock and garbage and wedgies were able to wear down the morale of the Terenians in our 1-nil victory. Jerry Khomeni scores for The Evil Umpire.

However, rocks and garbage will be in store for our national team as they failed to defeat the pathetic Taokualuans in our National Stadium/Execution Ground. The score was tied 1-1.

Oaker Sharks

Stadium: Pinealla International Stadium

Roster:

Martin Oaker (GK), Carrin Oaker (GK), Stef Oaker (D), Gray Oaker (D), Todd Oaker (D), Lenny Oaker (D), Tabby Oaker (D), Scott Oaker (M) Freddy Oaker (M), Sport Oaker (M), Venus Oaker (M), Arthin Oaker (M), Kelvin Oaker (M), Vincey Oaker (M), Flash Oaker (F), Tip Oaker (F), Cats Oaker (F), Pond Oaker (F)


Oaker 0 Hypercapitalizm 0


The Sharks missed out on the chance to clinch qualification from the group by failing to defeat both Cirdanistan and Hypercapitalizm in success, 3 points in either would have seen Melmond a return trip to the Cup of Harmony. Oaker must now hope for a victory against either Snub Nose 38 or Svecia to propel them to the next stage, or a Melmond defeat to either of their final two opponents.

Flash Oaker's incredible Goalscoring streak is stopped at 7 games, but he will be ready to play in Snub Nose 38, and looking to start up a new streak that will continue through to the Final Stage of the World Cup 16.

Headlines

Sales of Flash Oaker's #17 uniform have unfortunately stopped, however, orders from Halfassedstates, The Lowland Clans, Kingsford, One Red Dot, Sarzonia, Iansisle, and Oglethorpia will be fulfilled.

The Real-Life Flash Oaker is still competing on the new local reality show "Oaker Stars take a Bath" where local celebrities are all thrown naked into a hot tub, and longer they last in the tub, the more objects will be thrown into the tub, from flying fish to purple skin die, which does not wash off, but does wear off after approximately 5 weeks of natural exposure. The last celebrity in the tub wins Ox/10.000.000 for a charity of their choice.

The Fifth star to exit the show was Baseball Star Plawithmaself-Andonothing Oaker. Pla-An was apparently too bothered by actually doing something that had purpose or even some excitement and could no longer hold himself inside the tub, forcing himself so go watch some paint dry on the next set. Can't wait for the next Bawl Game...


Fashion Model Imaditz Oaker was the Fourth Star to exit the tub. In a very simple case, Imaditz went to rub her face with her hand when she noticed her fingers had started to wrinkle. A loud scream could be heard around the globe before Imaditz fainted and had to be removed from the tub to prevent her death. Maybe they should have just kept her in there...

Race Car Driver Vroomz Oaker was the third to exit the show. Vroomz, who makes his living driving at speeds in upwards of 400m/s in the new OaKar Series, was apparently more interested in playing with one of the lighting guys kids who had a remote control vehicle that did flips and climbed rocks. Hey, at least he was playing with a kid...

Beethovia Oaker was the second star to exit after the Oakerap star apparently saw a "*$*&^$ West *&%@*& Coast *&^*!& *&%^*&%@ Man *&%*@&%* *@&%*@ *&%@*^% *&%*@*&% (*%@*@&@ Dammmmn" and hopped out of the tub to chase him. So much for improving your image.

Bulzyit Oaker, the Newscaster from Channel 0 was the first to exit after apparantly overhearing some hot gossip betwen two actresses and did not care enough about the charity to stay and win money for them, but just wanted to produce a news story. stupid reporters.




Thats all from Oaker today, tune in tomorrow for a report on the match against Snub Nose 38!

WORLD CUP 16 QUALIFYING COVERAGE:

Giant Zucchini vs Largemanistan

Giant Zucchini Formation:

Plaat
Aargh Throck Faard Zurk
Narf Poom Krak Gung
Urk (Furtermachter…) Ppakkaddumm

Giant Zucchini finally got themselves back in position for World Cup qualification with a 2-0 defeat of Largemanistan. Largemanistan had all the early chances, Plaat having to punch a blistering drive over the crossbar in the 13th minute, before smothering a low shot in the 18th minute. However, it was the Zucchinis who would convert their chances, Ppakkaddumm slotting home from a pinpoint Urk pass in the 23rd minute. Poom had a final chance in half time, but he directed Urk’s cross straight into the hands of the Largemanistan keeper. The Zucchinis started the second half with blistering pace, and within 6 minutes, substitute Furtermachtermorgstrasluwecragnavonchelsenntungkshvaghugtihetesprishtengckshnoff beat the Largemanistan offside trap and coolly slotted the ball under the legs of the keeper. 3 minutes later, Narf almost increased the lead, but he blew Gung’s cross high over the crossbar. Meanwhile, at the other end of the pitch, Plaat wasn’t letting up, palming a deflected shot around the post and keeping his clean sheet intact in the 59th minute. Krak had possibly the last real chance in the game, but his first touch shot skidded just wide of the near post. The win puts the Zucchinis in second spot, 2 points behind group leaders Kingsford. The team will be hoping for more good results in the closing stages of qualifying.


Final score:

Giant Zucchini - 2
Ppakkaddumm (23), Furtermachtermorgstrasluwecragnavonchelsenntungkshvaghugtihetesprishtengckshnoff (51)

Wella - 0



Man of the Match: Ppakkaddumm

Perfection needed for Crystils

Crystilakere lost it's second consecutive match at the worst possible time with the near-perfect Eagles Nest winning with two first half goals. Glim Graerstiow and Siggy Secour were the Eagles Nest goalscorers, The First goal being scored on a defensive error and the second on a free kick. The Eagles Nest made some second half substitutions but it was not enough to let the Crystils back in the game.

Crystils rival Tadjikistan won easily, and it now appears the Spurland loss may haunt Crystilakere all the way through the Cup of Harmony. The Crystils must now defeat Tadjikistan by three goals to have a realistic chance at qualification. A Crystilakere loss would end all chances of finishing in the top 2, while a draw would mean the Crystils would have to win by 6 goals more than Tadjikistan would have to lose by on the final matchday. If Crystilakere should manage to beat Tadjikistan, The Crystils will host bottom of the table Loonyvania while Tadjikistan will be up against Crystil-Killers Spurland.

The Crystils prepared for the important Tadjikistan matchup by wiping out new team Lamoni in the AOCAF. First half goals from Filipo Ferraro, Toader Pold and Sebastian Wolf were enough to maintain the Crystils perfect record atop the AOCAF Group 1 table.

Scuttlebut - Late Edition

But It's A Nice Lake...
Sten Remington Grey - editorial comment

All in all, the reaction to the poor performance in World Cup 16 Qualification by the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans by The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 may have been just a tad overboard.

I emphasis the word "may".

Sure, they've played eight matches and managed to lose 5 of them, winning only 3. Sure, they were ranked 12th in the world going into the qualifiers. Sure, they were the highest ranked side in their group by quite a bit. Sure, they're seasoned veterans in international play. Sure, they had some of the best managers and coaches in the business. Sure, they had a little something extra - we refer to someone known only as "Margaret". Sure...say, they really are pretty crappy, aren't they?

None the less (which may or may not be only one word, but what the heck, they pay me by the word) it may have been a little much to burn the entire Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages complex (including the Minister's palatial estate) to the ground, plow it all under, exorcise the "devils", and salt the earth. It may have been just a bit of over-reaction to tear down and burn up the national stadium, "38 Special", where the Hooligans played their home matches - until recently. I understand they've mowed down a corn field and laid some talcum powder lines down for the next home qualifier. The current joke going around in sports channels is that it'll be standing room only at the next Hooligans home match - 'cause there are no seats.

The line of "burning stakes" outside the Ministry of Justice and Real Estate, with the pyres already set, waiting for the Hooligans Management Staff to be apprehended, may also be a little on the "heavy handed" side.

Whatever - on balance, I'll go with it. My office is on the third floor of a building that used to be just across the street from our national stadium, "38 Special". The view over "38 Special" Lake (they dug a big hole, and a channel to the river) is spectacular, especially at sunset.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=6742492

WCC- Underground Reality Football Cup! Sign up today!

The Daily Druid

DRUIDS EASE THOUGH
Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin on NEWI Cefn Druids 2 Nominaen 0

After facing up to their first defeat of the qualifying campaign against a young but typically excellent Eauz side, the Druids became one of only six sides to have reached the finals by matchday eight after easing past Nominaen at The Hole last night.

It wasn't too exciting, and The Hole was only half full, wit hlots of people anticipating the result already. Not that the Druids minded. After Trevor Belmore scored twice in the first eleven minutes, the Druids just sat back and watched as Noiminaenans just made fooled of themselves. So, even though the football wasn't much of a spectacle, The Hole had become NEWI Cefn Druids' top comedy club for the night.

Unfortunately, it seems like the Druids won't be able to rely on such poor opposition in coming games. Especially as the next game is Creedence Clearwater away, a game which will be played by the Druid World Cup 11 squad (excluding the sadly deceased Tim Welsh). Despite their age, they are hungry for revenge against their old rivals, much hungrier than any team with nothing to play for could ever be.

Final Score:
NEWI Cefn Druids 2
Nominaen 0


Matches so far...

Matchday 1: Ebon Hawk 1-5 NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 2: NEWI Cefn Druids 1-0 Eauz
Matchday 3: Nominaen 1-5 NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 4: NEWI Cefn Druids 3-2 Creedence Cleawater
Matchday 5: Avenging Altos 0-4 NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 6: NEWI Cefn Druids 3-0 Ebon Hawk
Marchday 7: Eauz 2-0 NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 8: NEWI Cefn Druids 2-0 Nominaen

...top scorers...

[8] Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po, Trevor Belmore
[2] Trevor Law
[1] Bill Posters, Horace Orange, Maurice "Mo" Leicester, Trevor Jones, Trevor Jones

...and still to come

Matchday 9: Creedence Clearwater v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 10: NEWI Cefn Druids v Avenging Altos*

All home games to be played at The Hole, Mawr except *, which will be moved due to risk of injury from Altos on the roof.


[b]DRUID BID TO HOST BAPTISM OF FIRE
By Ian-Question-Mark

After the election of Geraint Griffiths to the position of Druid President not too long ago, there was a promise made that NEWI Cefn Druids would play host to more sporting events. Although the highlights of these events so far have been as exciting as elderly people playing pass the parcel can be, they are looking to host somthing a bit more serious than that. For that reason, the Druid government, in conjunction with the FANCD, have decided to look for potential co-hosts for the up-coming Baptism of Fire Cup for new international teams, in which local team Flexsys Cefn Druids could well be making an appearance if the FAFCD could be bothered applying. More on that story as it comes to us.

Hat-trick hero Ze Bulliao ready for Eagles

Marco Ze Bulliao was the difference as the Hurricanes brushed aside Asskicken in the latest qualification match.
The visitors had little to play for apart from pride, but they really tried!
It was not until the 68th minute that the deadlock was broken thanks to a blistering shot form the young striker. 5 minutes later it was two, and with just 2 minutes left on the clock, Ze Bulliao had his first ever Hurricane hat-trick.
The win means that if the Hurricanes can secure at least a draw in Aquilla and the Lions manage to avoid defeat against Ineptia, the Hurricanes will make a return to the big stage!
Keep those fingers crossed folks!

The Sarzonian national team began the final stages of its preparation for the match against Tanah Burung, the group's top seed coming into the tournament with "intense wariness," Coach Bryan Marshall said.

"They have been struggling through this qualifing stage," Marshall said. "We've had a little bit of a charmed run for eight matches. We need to be ready to take their best shot because they'll be playing with some urgency."

The team would eliminate Tanah Burung from World Cup contention with a draw, but the Stars are dismissing the notion that they'll be satisfied with one point in the standings.

"If we go into a match with the idea of playing for a draw and we fall behind, we'll have to put on the pressure to try to get an equalizing goal. We don't do well when we play negative football," midfielder Darwin Russell said. "We have to play our brand of football to be able to ensure that we can advance to the World Cup."

The Stars and Lovisa, the group's second seed entering the qualifying round, are tied with 16 points, though the Stars lead the group due to total goals scored. However, forward Brian Wilson said Tanah Burung was "a wounded animal."

"They may not be physically wounded, but I think their pride is hurt a little bit," Wilson said. "This will be the match of their football lives right here and we need to be able to play with the same kind of urgency since the match is in front of their fans."

The Stars would wrap up a berth in the 16th World Cup if they beat Tanah Burung. However, Marshall refused to speculate about the team's plans if they clinched the berth.

"For one thing, the match hasn't happened yet," Marshall said. "It's useless to play 'what if' because if we lose or if we draw, we're right back to square one. And if we win and Lovisa win their match, we'll still be fighting to win the group."

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Turori [2]-[4] Dead Man
[ Liano 7, 30 ]--------------------- [ Dead 45 : Man 50 : Suxor 55 : Damn 60 ]

Location Unimportant Really
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-------------------The Turori Eels suffered a grave set back in their hopes for Qualification from Group 13 against lowly Dead Man. A Victory over Dead Man would have set up a last-day showdown with Giant Zucchini for the final qualifying spot. Now, The Eels most first defeat Kingsford to take control of the spot.

-------------------Akamoari Liano continued his hot goalscoring streak, netting both First half Turori goals to put his side 2-0 up at the half. Former Trialist Tika Poloni worked well down the left before holding back to Malaino Mumamba. Mumamba set a perfect cross into the area that Liano was able to get to before the Dead keeper to give the Eels an early lead. Jualiar Vumaou, the top scorer for the Eels in the last World Cup, continued his goalscoring misery after outpacing the Dead Man back four to go all-alone with the Dead keeper, only to trip over his own feet while preparing to strike, seeing the ball roll patiently into the keepers arms.

-------------------Liano would make amends for Vumaou's misfortune 30 minutes in when he fired a 20 yard effort that always had Dead Man beat, after some good work from Cuolia Tuirma. The Marine Coast United Midfielder had dispossessed Dead Man in the Turori half, before craftily working through the Dead Midfield. Liano found space just outside the box when Tuirmas flick on came through. Liano's only touch on the ball was the perfect one, sending the Eels storming to a 2-0 lead into the half.

-------------------However, Liano would be substituted at half time in favor of 18 year old prospect Ugo Doohan. Doohan was unimpressive upon introduction, and was responsible for conceding the first of 4 heartbreaking Dead Man goals, before scoring a second on his own. Doohan's back pace to goalkeeper Milauo Slietah had no pace due to the recent rain, being his first touch on the pitch, the ball was intercepted by the Dead Attack, who easily beat the out of place Slietah to cut the scorline. Then, off a Dead Corner, Doohan could only Head the ball remarkably toward his own goal, levelling the scores. The Eels then fell apart, conceding 2 more goals within Ten minutes to drop another 3 points that should not have been dropped, and now look Unlikely to be visiting Rejistania or Brazillico this year.

Turori Eels (4-4-2) ::
[GK] Milauo Slietah, [D] Linoi Niabula, [D] Marlian Hunial, [D] Martika Ecspo, [D] Kiatin Likao [M] Tika Poloni, [M] Malaino Mumamba, [M] Yabaiy Tbaiao, [M] Cuolia Tuirma, [F] Jualiar Vumaou, [F] Akamoari Liano
BENCH::
[GK] Aaron White, [D] Moiba Linaian, [DM] Ugo Doohan, [U] Rikko Ambama, [M] Boaibou Houabou [F] Kaboafo Iobabao, [F] Mika Sakatorra




Trialists Set with Final Cuts
Pottersk National Stadium, Patravilla, Pottersk
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...........The Turori Trialists received their moment of truth following the 2-1 Defeat of the AO Select Experimental team to a Dinamo Maserrat side in Maserrat. Sarzonian Prospect Arturo Bengali was the lone goalscorer for the AO Select side, making amends for his abysmal performance when handed a debut in the World Cup Qualifiers. Trevor Ugnata and Aaron White both played 45 minutes, and impressed equally the Turori Staff. Both Ugnata and White will continue training with the squad as Gisterfred Q. Disterfred looks to take a more active role in coaching and not worry about being the backup keeper. Also continuing to train with the squad will be Defender Bengali, and Defensive Midfielder Rikko Ambama. Ambama has been lacking fitness but showed the characteristics needed of a National Player and is a favorite of assistant coach Maritus Banda. Tika Poloni will remain with the squad until the end of World Cup Qualifying, where he will return to NEWI Cefn Druids. Defenders Duncan Jacob and Oswaldo Alegre have been informed that they will NOT be chosen for the upcoming matches against Kingsford and Giant Zucchini, and have returned home.

Turorian National Trialists

:: GK:: Aaron White :: (20) :: | !!Unknown Club!! | :: --- 2n Nat: Oglethorpia
:: D:: Arturo Bengali :: (25) :: | Saugerties Snakes (SAR) | :: --- 2n Nat: Sarzonia
:: DM:: Rikko Ambama :: (25) :: | Vilitan Exiles (NCD) | ::
:: M:: Tika Poloni :: (29) :: | Vilitan Exiles (NCD) | ::
:: GK:: Trevor Ugnata :: (19) :: | Vilitan Exiles (NCD) | :: --- 2n Nat: NEWI-Cefn Druids
:: D:: Duncan Jacob :: (23) :: | Corinthian Spirits (STR) | :: --- 2n Nat: Starblaydia
:: D:: Oswaldo Alegre :: (70) :: | Vagabundo (KNG) | :: --- 2n Nat: Kingsford


--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9

Le LIBRE

Five in a row keeps Les Bleus in close contention

Les Bleus came into Match day 8 only 2 points away from NEWI who had suffered the damaging lost to Les Bleus 2 – 0. As for Les Bleus, they were up against tough competition at Creedence Clearwater. The last time these two teams met, they tied 0 – 0 in Zuka. As for NEWI, they would be hoping to bounce back from a loss playing against a weak team in Nominaen.

Entering the CC national stadium, Les Bleus could feel the pressure of this match, as they were up against a tough team which they have had trouble with in the past. The fans were not helpful at all as they were booing and screaming against Les Bleus. The match started with Creedence in possession of the ball brining it up the field. A shot was taken only to go off the top bar of the net. The ball came back into play going back into the possession of CC. Another shot was taken, but was stopped as Rousoi dove and blocked the ball. Another attack came off of a corner kick, but Rousoi jumped up and grabbed the ball from the air. This stopped the onslaught of attacks by CC. For the majority of the first half, CC controlled the ball and it seemed as if the real number 1 team was CC and not Eauz. Les Bleus were only able to achieve 1 shot on the CC net which sailed wide of the net. The first half ended in a 0 – 0 tie as Les Bleus needed to regroup and rethink their strategy.

In the second half, the offence of Les Bleus finally showed up for the match as they brought on a charge early. Mid-Fielder Louis got off a shot, which went over the net. Les Bleus got 5 more shots in 10 minutes later, resulting in nothing. The second half of the match was much more balanced than the first half, as both teams counter attacked and defended resulting in nothing. Getting into injury time, it was looking as if Les Bleus and CC would once again tie this match, which would have been useless for them as they were trying to keep up with NEWI. During the 90 + 2 minutes Les Bleus were in the CC zone on a late attack hoping to take the match. The ball was brought up and mid-fielder Thiadeur got himself open near the net. The ball was passed to him, being kicked into the goal and Les Bleus went up 1 – 0 with little time left. The stadium was almost quiet as the CC fans could not believe Les Bleus beat them when the match was almost over.

The goal proved to be very important for Les Bleus as they kept up with NEWI who also won. Les Bleus are still 2 points away from NEWI with 2 matches left to play. Currently there are still 4 teams fighting for 2 positions as CC and Avenging Altos hold on to their chances of winning. Match Day 9 will possibly provide a look at the teams who will qualify for world cup XVI. Les Bleus fans will now be cheering for the CC team to beat NEWI in match day 9, while Les Bleus will have a fairly easy match at Le Stade d’Eauz against Avenging Altos.



Region 11 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. NEWI Cefn Druids 21 7 0 1 23: 6 17
2. Eauz 19 6 1 1 18: 4 14
3. Creedence Clearwater 13 4 1 3 11:11 0
4. Avenging Altos 13 4 1 3 12:13 -1
5. Nominaen 3 1 0 7 2:19 -17 ELIM
6. Ebon Hawk 1 0 1 7 5:18 -13 ELIM



Match Day 1: Eauz @ Nominaen W 6 – 0
Match Day 2: Eauz @ NEWI Cefn Druids L 0 – 1
Match Day 3: Creedence Clearwater @ Eauz T 0 – 0
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Avenging Altos W 5 – 2
Match Day 5: Ebon Hawk @ Eauz W 1 – 2

Match Day 6: Nominaen @ Eauz W 0 – 2
Match Day 7: NEWI Cefn Druids @ Eauz W 0 – 2
Match Day 8: Eauz @ Creedence Clearwater W 1 – 0
Match Day 9: Avenging Altos @ Eauz
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Ebon Hawks

The Eagle's Nest has annouced that they will host Eagle's Cup III, an off season tournament 8 months before WCXVII starts. Teams interested in playing in this sixteen team tournament should register here:

http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=347269

BREAKING NEWS
Liverpool England sacks Ha~e Hangila, puts in prospective CoH16 Host Bid


The Liverpool England Philosophers have sacked Ha~e Hangila in a surprise move. Although the team sit in a qualifying spot in Group 8 of the World Cup Qualifiers, FALE chairman Paul Dussis told reporters, "Mr. Hangila has had his contract terminated by mutual consent. The FALE believe that the team are not performing up to their fullest potential, and there is definitely room for improvement. The team have not been informed. Mr. Hangila, will however stay on in an advisary role with the FALE. The FALE is now officially looking for a new coach."

In a seperate developement, Dussis also announced that should the team fail to qualify, which seems likely after some reports said the team would forfeit their remaining matchs in protest, they would be bidding to host te Cup of Harmony. It is not known at this point which nation will be the cohost. Liverpool England are also bidding to host World Cup 17 and Cherry Cup 6, and hosted the Baptism of Fire Cup for WC16.

Modesto Ruak Ruak was huddled with his players. (The team continues to play anonymously, a tribute to "the anonymous victims of Market Capitalism in Colombia," said one player, who asked to remain nameless. Natch.)

"Boys, Brian Wilson from Sarzonia has called us wounded animals. Are we going to take that?"

"Um, sure, why not?"

"It's a desperate insult!"

"Nah, i don't think it is, coach."

"Listen lads, get angry! Fight back!"

"But it's not an insult."

"All right then. I saw Brian Wilson kick a puppy. Now, here's what we'll do: when the enemy advances, we retreat. When the enemy falters, we strike, like a cobra."

"Is that a World Cup 2 handbook, coach?"

For it was. Faded dreams, tattered glories of days long gone by. The Crocs knew they were Cup of Harmony bound.

"So who's hosting, then?"

"I hear Liverpool England is bidding."

"Liverpool England? They still owe me money."

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Vilita [2]-[1] Raptor Claw
..................................[ Salomón 12 :: Banda 17]............[ Narun 74]

Dilalaphi National Stadium, Nobsil, Raptor Claw
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..........The Vilita Jungle Cats arrived at the 107,000 capacity Dilalaphi National Stadium in Raptor Claw knowing that they could clinch their second trip to the World Cup Finals by the time they return home to Vilita. The Jungle Cats held a 3 point advantage over The Redavic Union after 8 matchdays, Knowing that failure to defeat Raptor Claw would see the battle go down to a matchday 10 showdown between the two. However, the odds were in Vilita's favor, with The Redavic Union going up against Group 6 winners Audioslavia Needing to at least equal the Jungle Cats result to keep themselves in the race for the second place. Youthful duo Malovar Stokks, just transferred to Jlinal Cove FC, and Tanner Nerni of Cednia Beach were handed starting roles on either side of midfield in an otherwise unsurprising Jungle Cat Roster.

..........

..........


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Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Massimo Corsi, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Danilo Liguori, [D] Giacomo Adika, [DM] Jürgen Ramzi, [M] Santo Kecker, [M] Malovar Stokks, [M] Alexander Östling, [M] Tanner Nerni, [F] Callum Banda, [F] Germán Salomón
BENCH::
[F] Serge DuPont, [F] Jim Vella, [M] Jonathon Stott, [M] Umberto Melli, [U] Jonathon Baledrokadroka, [D] Enzo Ahat, [GK] Jimmy Kater


Melli Strikes Again in Zucchiniland

Vilitan FA Press Release, Alikki-Corra, Vilita::
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------------Umberto Melli hit a late hat trick to propel Tonka City to a 3-0 Victory over the Wurtherington Wanderers, knocking Wurtherington off the top of the Giant Zucchini Premier League, and placing distance between City and the bottom of the table. The match was a surprisingly even affair between teams at opposite ends of the Giant Zucchini spectrum, until Melli broke the ice first 10 minutes into the second half. Tonka City were awarded a free kick on the edge of the area, and Melli made no mistake in placing the ball perfectly around the 5 man wall and into the far corner of the Wanderers net. The match looked to be heading for a 1-0 Victory before a late attacking charge by Wurtherington. With all players pushed foward, including the goalkeeper who was outside of his box in a defending catch role, the aggressive Melli, on loan from Vilitan Stellar Division side Strike FC, was able to steal in and fire a skilled shot from distance that the Wanderers goalkeeper was in no position to gather. From the insuing Kick-Off, a motivated Melli Again intercepted a poor Wurtherington pass to find himself in space, firing a low shot that the opposing keeper could only deflect into his own net, Melli with his first career Hat Trick in his teams 3-0 victory over former League Leading Wurtherington Wanderers.


Vilitan Club Looks for Transfers
Colonial Sile FC Press Release, Sile, Vilita::
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------------Vilitan Stellar Division side Colonial Sile have announced a 4.8 Million Ture transfer budget for the upcoming campaign. Colonial have maintained their Stellar Division status since being Crowned champions of the Declasse division in season one. With the close of Season Three on the horizon, Colonial have again escaped the threat of Relegation, and now look set to dive into the transfer market in hopes of competiting for a place in the top 5 in Season four. With the transfer window opening in just two Qualifying matchdays, Colonial have already begun negotiations regarding an un-named International Defender. However, the prime target on the Colonial shopping list is a goalkeeper. After missing out on the signing of Clanny goalkeeper Kolinto Kesstos to Bedistani champions the Dennis Bears, The Goalkeeper is currently on the top of the list of needs for the Stellar Division club.


New Stadium set for National Stage
Lirai Asku Castle, Yeaddin, Vilita::
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------------Yeaddin Owls AFC have sacraficed their entire transfer budget, along with support from the town council, to finish off the conversion of the historical Lirai Asku Castle into a fully-functional 62,000 seat sporting complex. The Owls, Stellar Division Champions in Season one and Runners-up in Season Two, currently sit at the top of the Table looking for a second title and extra financial boost. Despite being one of the most successful clubs in Vilitan league history, the Owls have been restricted by the lanky 22,000 capacity of the old Owls National Stadium. Owls National will likely be sold off to raise money for the maintenance and upkeep of the Castle, which, while not completed in time for the AOCAF II Regional Championships in Vilita, has been named amongst the prospective venues to host World Cup 17 matches should the competition be awarded to KPV.





Experimental squad named for TRU
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........Jimmy Kater starts once again in Favor of Massimo Corsi in preperation for the World Cup Finals. Danilo Liguori and Giacomo Adika sit out with Esemar Aliana handed a starting role in defense. Antonis Ratuva starts behind the midfield, with Youngsters Calaesa Mitaroka and Marasent Sioane in midfield between Veterans Santo Kecker and Jonathon Baledrokadroka. Christian Dogbé named in what could be his final World Cup appearance on the bench. Serge DuPont and Carmine Mbidzo starting in Attack.

Goalkeepers :: Jimmy Kater & Massimo Corsi
Defenders :: Enzo Ahat, Jaloey Afrikka, Esemar Aliana & Ricky Ezis
Midfielders :: Antonis Ratuva, Santo Kecker, Marasent Sioane, Calaesa Mitaroka, Jonathon Baledrokadroka, Christian Dogbé, Umberto Melli & Tanner Nerni
Forwards :: Serge DuPont, Carmine Mbidzo, Germán Salomón & Jan Christiansen


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Matches & Venues:
M01: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [4] - [0] Hazlia
M02: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [3] Audioslavia (The Shultis, Lonngeylin)
M03: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [0] - [0] Adrasuvare
M04: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [3] - [0] Raptor Claw (Marine World Park, Crosaibi)
M05: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [1] - [0] The Redavic Union
M06: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [3] - [0] Hazlia (National View Stadium, Morata Valley)
M07: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [0] - [2] Audioslavia
M08: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [1] - [0] Adrasuvare (Jlinal Cove Complex, Jlinal)
M09: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [1] Raptor Claw
M10: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] The Redavic Union (The Shultis, Lonngeylin)

Liverpool England Officially Submit CoH16 Bid: Team To Forfeit Match Against Northbank


After the Philosophers found out that Ha~e Hangila had been fired, cries of dissent went around the dressing room. Shortly afterwards, captain Kelvin Johnson made a press statement on behalf of the players. "We were very comfortable playing under him, this is a great upset to the team. The team has come to the unanimous decision of forfeiting the match against Northbank." This will come as a blow to the FALE, as although the team are not mathematically eliminated, it will take a 6-0 Spaam loss to see Liverpool England qualify. Up till now Liverpool England has qualified for every cup it has been in except its debut in World Cup 6.

This is the current Group 8 Table:
Region 8 P Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Lykaia 9 22 7 1 1 17: 6 11 QUALIFIED
2. Spaam 9 15 4 3 2 14: 7 7
3. Liverpool England* 10 15 5 3 2 12:10 2
4. The Weegies 9 12 3 3 3 13:12 1
5. Northbank 10 9 2 3 5 11:15 -4 ELIMINATED
6. Johhny Big Pants 9 1 0 1 8 3:20 -17 ELIMINATED
* Liverpool England forfeited match against Northbank on MD10. Three points were deducted from the team.

OOC: Somewhat different to my usual match-report style, this post is probably rated about 12A for moderatly-sexual themes. So if the type of scenes in Witchblade or Tomb Raider-type stuff offend you, certainly don't read this.





IC:

The room was large and circular, the finest in neo-roman minimalist design. Built at not a small cost to the Starblaydi taxpayer, the Lord-Protectors' mansion-come-fortress was one of the grandest buildings in the country. Lush white carpets and pristine gold decorated the room. One other thing Lord Tiberius had wanted was an enormous TV. He sat on the bed, his head resting against the wall as the Starblaydia-Commerce Heights match was in the build-up phase.

"Are you going to be watching that all night?" came the soft, feminie call from the en suite.

"Only for ninety minutes, Vi," he called back. A young man, even though he was the ruler of a nation, shouldn't be kept from his football, "And fifteen at half-time. Then maybe an extra ten overall. So like, less than two hours."

"You sure about that?" she said, stepping into the room.

Tiberius turned his head and nearly spat out the water he was sipping.

"Thats... um..." he was lost for words. "...Patriotic. Wow."

The sight before him was of his Lady-Quaestor. She was a two years younger than him at twenty-four, which made them the premier couple for all the society magazines. As the head of Starblaydia's Inquisition, the nations's intelligence agency, she was a formidable politcal schemer. As a woman, she was just plain stunning. Leaning her long-limbed frame against the wall, she wore a white Starblaydia football shirt, fitted specially for a woman's body, along with a Starblaydi-flag bikini underneath. No longer a Head of State and his Intelligence Chief, they were simply man and woman.

"You think you can keep me simmering for two hours with half a mind on the football too?" she asked with a grin. Lady-Quaestor Viannorr linked her arm around her lover's and place her hand delicately on his thigh. "Dont worry, Ty, I understand."

He smiled and kissed her on the forehead.

"So here we go then, Starblaydia are in the home of the World Champions. And, Colin, Commerce Heights are as stern a test as the Blades could have asked for...."

"So explain this offisde thing to me..." she said with a smirk.

"C'mon, Vi, we've only got two hours," he threw the joke back at her.

"Look, that number ten!" she said, pointing at the large screen. "He plays for Iskara doesn't he? I've heard of him."

"That's Simeone Di Bradini," Tiberius explained, "he was top-scorer in the League last year."

"He's good, isn't he?"

"Very."

They began a series of long, drawn-out kisses, eventually broken by the sound of the commentator.

"Its Commerce Heights with the lead after only four minutes!"

As the match continued, Tiberius and Viannorr continued to snuggle.

"You know," she said, "I can tell when you're paying more attention to the football than me.

"How so?" he asked.

"You stop stroking me when there's any action on screen."

"I do?"

Vi only laughed.

"And here come Starblaydia again. It's Stark... with the through ball to Di Bradini! He's clean through, shoots and oh! The flag's up for offside. The ball rolls perfectly into the back of the net but the whistle had just gone. A very late flag from the assistant referee on that side."

"Explain that, then, Mister football expert."

"The linesman's an idiot, Vi, that's my explanation. That should be 1-1."

Shortly after the half-time whistle blew. As the pair settled back down for the second half, Viannorr appeared with a small bottle of oil.

"Here," she said, "Lie down and watch the football, I want to give you a massage."

He lay on his stomach, resting his head on his forearms, folded in from of him. Viannorr climed on top of him, locking him in place with the thighs as she straddled his lower back. As her slender fingers caressed his athletic torso, Tiberius sighed as the stress of the match was eased from him with tender caresses.

"Lazerevski, out wide on the left. Here's the cross... and de Souza Lima's gone down in the box, penalty surely! And it is, Starblaydia , with ten minutes to go, have a penalty."

"Come on, don't blow it Stefan."

"And its Stefan Haldorsson to take it, left-footed. Short run-up, and in! Starblaydia celebrate the equaliser and Commerce Heights are furious with themselves for conceding that. Commerce Heights one, Starblaydia one.

"Yes. Geddin there!" Tiberius hadn't showed this much happiness all night, and Vi was squirming around on top of him as she knelt there.

For forty-five minutes Tiberius had been excited and relaxed in equal measure. As the final whistle blew, Viannorr laid down on top of him. Tiberious could feel that she'd dispensed with the football shirt, and the top of her bikini, it seemed.

He slithered around underneath her to turn over to face her.

"Lucky Starblaydia scored, Vi," he said with a grin, "otherwise you might not have tonight."

"You're very cheeky, Ti.

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

YOU FREAKIN BEAUTY!!!

WHAT other headline could there be? An amazing sight in Squornshelous as the Celestials squeezed a historic one-nil victory. Fans on both sides watched speechless as 45 ranking places dissolved into dust, and the Celestials not only qualified, but won the group.

It was Squornshelous, though, who started the most positive. Krytenia played a containing game, with a 5-3-2 formation to stifle the Pschychoes. It worked rather well, as though the Celestials were unable to leave their own half in the first half hour, Squornshelous managed a meagre two shots on goal, neither of which worried Adam Vernazza.

The biggest scare of the first half was from a Squornshelous attack. The defence was still holding firm, however a Gregoriev cross deflected to the feet of Tobi Jones, and the vastly experienced striker rarely misses. Unless, of course, a goalkeeper of the quality of Vernazza is between you and the onion bag. The Morales stopper has proved his mettle through these qualifiers, conceding just six goals in nine games, and his athletic save from Jones' shot was simply world-class.

The only goal of the game, the glorious goal that saw Krytenia qualify, the goal that will be known for many years ahead as THAT goal, came on 61 minutes. Krytenia had by now changed back to their customary 4-4-2, had begun to attack, and for once had the Pschychoes on the ropes. Chris Lydersen's cross-field ball was trapped by Ari Smith, who beat Gonzales and got to the bye-line. George Clark moved out to stop him, but Smith pulled it back for Stephen Xousa to side-foot into the gaping net. He did, however, attempt to behead a fan in Row A by punting it from twelve feet.

The shop well and truly closed after that, and after brief Squornshelous pressure, Krytenia played 22 minutes of keep-ball. It wasn't pretty, but it worked.

It's mix and match for the Celestials on Matchday 10 as the A side go to the AOCAF Cup, and the B team travel to Nikea. See you there!

Group 12 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. KRYTENIA 21 7 0 2 21: 6 15 QUAL
2. Squornshelous 17 5 2 2 15: 7 8
-----------------------------------------------------
3. Nikea 16 4 4 1 12: 6 6
4. Nastic II 14 4 2 3 18:12 6
5. The Gulf States 5 1 2 6 7:19 -12 ELIM
6. The Water Cooler* -12 1 0 8 2:25 -23 ELIM


The Water Cooler was deducted 15 points for forfeiting 5 matches

SQUORNSHELOUS - 0

KRYTENIA - 1
Xousa 61

SCORERS
Ari SMITH - 6 (incl. 1 hat trick, and 1 penalty)
Colin ULVÆUS - 5 (incl. 1 hat trick)
Stephen XOUSA - 3
Roger CELSEN - 2
Acienko RIMMER - 1
Adam VERNAZZA - 1
plus 3 goals awarded in w/o vs The Water Cooler

v NASTIC II W 3-1 (Xousa, Smith, Celsen)
v The Gulf States W 4-0 (Ulvæus 3, Rimmer)
@ The Water Cooler W 4-0 (Ulvæus 2, Smith, Xousa)
v Squornshelous L 1-3 (Smith)
v Nikea L 0-1
@ NASTIC II W 3-0 (Smith 3)
@ The Gulf States W 2-1 (Vernazza, Celsen)
v The Water Cooler Walkover
@ Squornshelous W 1-0 (Xousa)
@ Nikea

Well that makes life interesting!

It was oh so simple. A draw would have taken the Hurricanes through to the finals, and Robin Ya's 4th strike of the campaign after 18 minutes looked to have set Halfassed on their way!

It was looking good, the Hurricanes were controlling the ball and forcing the Eagle's to chase the game.

Then a moment of madness from Nigel White turned everything upside down. The Hurricane midfielder was the victim of a hefty, late challenge from #7. He hit the ground hard, but immediatly bounced back up to have a go at #7 for the tackle. In the pushing and shoving before the other players and the officials could get there, White seemed to strike #7 on the face, sending him to the ground. The Druid ref had no option - red card for White, although there was some consternation among Halfassed fans when #7 only received a yellow.

Mitchell immediatly pulled off Ze Bulliao and brought on Gunnet to shore up the midfield, although many were surprised he didn't take off Woods who hasn't scored since early in the compitition instead off Halfassed's top scorer!
The hurricanes held out until the break, still a goal up.

Woods was hooked at the break, with Bowman being brought on as Halfassed moved to a 4-4-1. This seemed to work at the start of the half, as the bolstered defense held off the eagle attacks with ease. However, Ya up front was having to do an enormous amount of work, and as he tired, the Hurricanes found themselves under conserted pressure.

The pressure finally forced them to crack in the 75th minute, Sleet's clearance was returned by #3, and #9 reacted quickest, getting to the ball ahead of Peters and volleying it first time. Time seemed to go in slow motion as the ball flew beyond the fingertips of Fleetfoot and hit the back of the net! 1-1

Buoyed by the goal, the Eagles went in search of a winner, and with just 5 minutes left, they got it. A corner swung in by #11, was met perfectly by #5 whose header thumped into the net. 2-1 Eagles.

It was heartbreak for the Hurricanes, who now face shock troops Ineptia in the final game. The Ineptian once again beat the Lions, putting themselves within touch of a first WC final appearence, so nothing is going to be easy!

The table sees Halfaased on 19, Ineptia on 18, with Bedistan and Aquilla both on 16.

A draw would be enough for the Hurricanes and may also see Ineptia through, depending on the results elsewhere. A win for Ineptia would see them through, and Halfassed would have to rely on a couple of shocks elsewhere!

Final day match-ups;
Halfassed Vs Ineptia
Anitram Vs Bedistan
Aquilla Vs Asskicken

Jeruselem Government News

Lovisa ends campaign for Jeruselem

Lovisa's narrow 1-0 win against Jeruselem ended another World Cup Campaign for Jeruselem. In the tight group 9, with Lovisa's win automatically providing a qualifying spot there are two contenders for the 2nd spot. Tanah Burung and Sarzonia fight for the 2nd spot in Group 9 while Jeruselem will be considered an unlucky 3rd or 4th.

Since World Cup XIII, this is closest Jeruselem has been to qualifying but yet again they will miss out. In summary, with 3 losses, wins and draws each, this was not a bad campaign. What killed it was the two losses to Lovisa and some draws which should have been wins.

Tigers almost certain of qualification

Crystilakere - When they arrived in Crystilakere, they knew they would be facing a though opponent. The Crystils wanted to keep the 3 points in Crystilakere so they could climb up and pass over Tadjikistan in the last match. But the Tigers refused to give away their 2nd place in the group and fought like real Tigers in the enemies camp.

The game started spectacular with Pliiev breaking through the Crystil defense, his shot was stopped by Addis' fists. The 4000 Tadjik fans who accompanied their team saw what they asked for earlier in the qualification round, a national team that wants to win. But the first goal wasnt made by the Tadjiks, it came from Crystilakere's Carlo Romano in the 42th minute, the Crystils were leading the game, the stadium turned completely blue. They were probably a bit too fast when their fans started celebrating, as Pliiev created another opening in the 51th minute and allowed Cherniakhovskij to score the equalizer for the Tigers.

Triandafillov saw his team getting through, Tadjikistans 'field general' Pliiev pulled his team through this nightmare. In the 64th minute Pliiev showed up at the Crystils goal, tricked Addis in going to the right and scored in the left corner. It would have been the end of a long struggle but it wasnt, Crystilakere secured a single point in the 78th minute trough a header from Filippo Ferraro.

Little has changed in Group 15, TEN is qualified and Tadjikistan holds the second position with 17 points followed by Crystilakere with 14 points. If the Crystils want to win they will have to take out Loonyvania on MD10 with atleast 6-0 and hope the Tigers lose against Haperd. If the Tigers win or Draw, they will be qualified.

goals:
Romano "42(1-0), Cherniakhovskij "51(1-1), Pliiev "64(1-2), Ferraro "78(2-2)

Crystilakere:
Addis, Ferraro, Arigoni, Ayala, Niljssen, Cavallo, Whelan, Zucco, Gallo, Romano, Benedetti

Tadjikistan:
Yashin, Aleinikov, Demianenko, Shaposhnikov, Gromov, Pliiev, Bagramian, Terekhin, Chuikov, Suvorov, Cherniakhovskij

Player of the Match: Pliiev


Group 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. The Eagles Nest 25 8 1 0 26: 4 22
2. Tadjikistan 17 5 2 2 18:11 7
3. Crystilakere 14 4 2 3 14:13 1
4. Haperd 8 2 2 5 12:21 -9
5. Spurland 7 1 4 4 14:22 -8
6. Loonyvania 3 0 3 6 4:17 -13


MD1:Spurland - Tadjikistan W 3-4
MD2:Tadjikistan - The Eagle's Nest L 0-3
MD3:Loonyvania - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD4:Tadjikistan - Crystilakere L 0-1
MD5:Haperd - Tadjikistan W 0-5
MD6:Tadjikistan - Spurland W 3-1
MD7:The Eagle's Nest - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD8:Tadjikistan - Loonyvania W 1-0
MD9:Crystilakere - Tadjikistan D 2-2
MD10:Tadjikistan - Haperd

The Daily Druid

WC11 DRUIDS WIN FIRST MATCH!!!*
Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin on Creedence Clearwater 1 NEWI Cefn Druids 2

Amazing, that's what it was. A team made up of ten members of the original Druid World Cup 11 squad, the one that famously never won a game, the same one that got beaten by an egg, the team that are thought to have invented the art of defeat, did something that they couldn't do twenty years ago - they won a match!

The starting eleven was the same as the usual one 20 years ago, although their captain, the late Tim Welsh was replaced in the team by his son, and current Druid international, Trevor. However, even he was replaced by the joint player managers at half time in favour of WC11 substitute Yvan Trevor.

The Druids Team vs. Creedence Clearwater (away)
1. Trevor Allinson (55)

3. Andrew Pearson (49) 2. Trevor Kallins (c, 44)
4. Trevor Yates (54) 5. Trevor Seaton (47)

7. Trevor James (42) 11. Trevor Simpson (43)
6. James Lee (50) 8. Trevor Welsh (31)

9. Simon Greaves (40) 10. Björn-Trevor Frederiksson (39)


Despite not looking as good as the failures that they once were, Creedence Clearwater seemed to underestimate how much beating Creedence Clearwater meant to these men. When current manager Simon Greaves got onto the end of the WC16 team captain's cross to put the Druids into the lead, things were going to the fairytale script. But no good story is complete without hardship for our heroes, and the CC number 11 managed to level things within ten minutes.

The introduction of Yvan Trevor at half time meant that a team of WC11 squad members was now on the pitch. However, it soon became apparent that James Lee, showing all of his fifty years of age, wasn't going to be able to finish the match, and Ellis Mbaka came on in his place. However, despite the clear difference in fitness levels and skill, both of which the CC team had in abundance compared with their rivals, the tactical awareness of Kallins, the belief of Greaves and the sheer determination of all the players to make up for all the years of hurt turned what would have been a dull, meaningless game into an absolute classic.

Then, in typical Druid style, it happened. Deep into injury time, substitute Mbaka's long range effort was missing by miles, probably wasn't worth the effort, but ended up in the net as Frederiksson turned round to see the shot, only for it to hit him on the side of the head and loop over the hapless CC keeper. They had done it! The worst team ever had got together and won a full international! If the ghosts of Druid football past hadn't been exorcised already, they most definately have now!

Final Score:
Creedence Clearwater 1 [<player 11> 32]
NEWI Cefn Druids 2 [Greaves 23, Frederiksson 90+2]


Matches so far...

Matchday 1: Ebon Hawk 1-5 NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 2: NEWI Cefn Druids 1-0 Eauz
Matchday 3: Nominaen 1-5 NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 4: NEWI Cefn Druids 3-2 Creedence Cleawater
Matchday 5: Avenging Altos 0-4 NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 6: NEWI Cefn Druids 3-0 Ebon Hawk
Marchday 7: Eauz 2-0 NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 8: NEWI Cefn Druids 2-0 Nominaen
Matchday 9: Creedence Clearwater 1-2 NEWI Cefn Druids

...top scorers...

[8] Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po, Trevor Belmore
[2] Trevor Law
[1] Bill Posters, Horace Orange, Maurice "Mo" Leicester, Trevor Jones, Trevor Jones, Simon Greaves, Bjorn-Trevor Frederiksson

...and still to come

Matchday 10: NEWI Cefn Druids v Avenging Altos at CheminduStadium, Graymouth (58,000)


* - Well, kinda...

The Red Dot Informant

A nation from Group 5 has qualified for the cup. But it is not any of the predicted One Red Dot or Mattigool. It is Larkinia.

The unexpected #71 Larkinia, after getting three consecutive wins against Zangara, Tasty Toast and One Red Dot, and getting a good three point lead above 3rd place One Red Dot. However, despite all the victories, there has been no news of celebration from the lands of Larkinia – not one newspaper article, not one radio broadcast, not even a house party.

(OOC: In other words, NOT A SINGLE RP. Yes, I do know that RPs hold less importance now, but isn’t it strange that a #71 can beat #17 ORD twice and #21 Mattigool once, and at the rate this is going, most probably again on the next matchday, despite the fact that I have been RPing and Mattigool once or twice, and Larkinia none at all? The first ORD-Larkinia clash ended with a 1-4 ORD loss - that is utterly ridiculous.)

Anyway, experts and fans alike are bewildered by the abilities of a then-unknown side.

During the last two games, the Wolves fared poorly, drawing Kerla again, this time 2-2, and then losing to Larkinia again, but this time the goal margin was much smaller – a 0-1 loss.

The final match is crucial to the survival of both ORD and Mattigool. ORD will be up against Tasty Toast at their grounds, and Mattigool will be up against Larkinia. As long as Mattigool wins, ORD will not proceed, and also if the Wolves don’t win, they do not precede either.

Region 5 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Larkinia 18 5 3 1 16: 5 11
2. Mattigool 17 5 2 2 9: 7 2
3. One Red Dot 14 4 2 3 14: 9 5
4. Kerla 13 3 4 2 13: 9 4
5. Tasty Toast 11 3 2 4 7:12 -5
6. Zangara 1 0 1 8 2:19 -17

From the Ianapalis Star-Tribune:

When the Gauntlet’s Down, Are the Ians Heroes or Zeroes?

WESTERGATE, Iansisle -- The Iansislean National Side has the unsavory reputations of being also-rans; most remember them as “Oh yeah, they were there too. Come to think about it.” With but a single qualification to their name, which came in their fifth World Cup after several near misses and saw the most talented side in Iansisle’s history sent packing by host Oglethorpia, the Ians certainly seem to live up to their name.

Qualification for WCXIV was certainly exciting; the Ians scraped their way in as the last qualifier from their group over several other talented sides. And now, WC XVI, their next chance after the disappointment of WCXV, is looking to be quite as exciting.

The Ians put up a good showing in the early days, topping the tables once or twice and causing most to become complacent. However, a recent run of bad luck combined with their opponents kicking up the tempo to threaten the Ians’ qualifications chances.

A 0-1 loss to fourth-ranked former archenemies Cockbill Street ties Iansisle in points with the Streeters and ahead by one in goal differential. Commerce Heights leads the group by two points, meaning that a Commerce Heights loss to Slaikau combined with an Ians victory over Soccer Hooliganism and a Streeters victory over Starblaydia could force the table toppers home.

The Ians (4-3-2) take on Soccer Hooliganism (2-2-5) on the road next for the chance of victory and glory in the ever-present shadow of ignominy and defeat. Be sure to tune in of National Radio; that’s 101.9 on your FM receivers!

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

WHAT? TWO GOALS BY A DEFENDER?
Road loss means exciting final match against Oaker

Melmond 2 Svecia 0

MELMOND - The Melmond voodoo dice must have been present last night, but this time it was the Svecian side that had all the bad luck. Or perhaps it was that the Melmond side, which had a difficult time with the bottom of the barrel HypercapitaliZm and Cirdanistan teams, which scared the Svecians ****less.

Not only did the Lightning get shut out despite having a 12 to 5 advantage in shots, but the two Melmond goals that did go in did not count in the shot statistic because they were both own goals. By the same player.

Karl Mayha did not have a good night. And anyone who saw the match would agree. His gaffs gave the home Melmond crowd something to cheer about. He got a standing ovation from the Melmond crowd when he was replaced by Pawel Druschitz in the 59th minute after his second goal went in.

Mayha's first own goal was in the 34th minute. In the rain in Melmond, the ball became very slippery and players made multiple mistakes. Hanan Belagt ripped a shot on the Melmond keeper in the 33rd minute that rocketed past the keeper on the wet ground, but careemed off the post. The ricoque hit off the head of the diving keeper before bouncing AGAIN off the post and to the feet of a Melmond defender who cleared it.

In the resulting Melmond counterattack, a weak cross came into the area that could have easily been captured by Piet van Meer, but Mayha decided to try and volley the ball from an awkward angle, and instead of clearing toward midfield, the ball lofted over van Meer and into the goal.

Mayha played somewhat tentatively after that, and perhaps this contributed to his second own goal in the 55th minute. Off a Melmond corner, Mayha went up to head the ball out, but the jostling moved him out of position and the ball glanced off the side of his head and over a once again stunned van Meer who couldn't get his hands up in time.

This loss, only the second in qualifying, brings up a do or die match against Oaker for first place. The Lightning would like to put Oaker out for the fourth time in four tries and help friendly rivals Melmond get a chance to advance to the World Cup. This is a home match for the Lightning and should give them a bit of an advantage, but this is no pushover once again. Oaker has a chance to take over first place again, but the orange clad crowds are expected to turn out in huge number once again to push the Lightning to a victory.

Oaker Sharks

Stadium: Pinealla International Stadium

Roster:

Martin Oaker (GK), Carrin Oaker (GK), Stef Oaker (D), Gray Oaker (D), Todd Oaker (D), Lenny Oaker (D), Tabby Oaker (D), Scott Oaker (M) Freddy Oaker (M), Sport Oaker (M), Venus Oaker (M), Arthin Oaker (M), Kelvin Oaker (M), Vincey Oaker (M), Flash Oaker (F), Tip Oaker (F), Cats Oaker (F), Pond Oaker (F)


Oaker 1 Snub Nose 38 1


The Sharks continued their strong qualifying record with a draw at group favorites Snub Nose 38, remaining unbeaten to the dissapointing Snubbed team. However, with only 3 points from their last three games, the Sharks now face the prospect of missing out on the World Cup Finals, following a string of Victories from Melmond. Melmond should have an easy match on the final matchday, having already played Snub Nose 38, Svecia and Oaker, they will likely be up against Cirdanistan. If Melmond fail to win, then the Sharks will be through, however a melmond win would force the Sharks to get the victory they failed to get just once, against Svecia. Oaker has never beat Svecia, each match coming down to a one goal decision, in the Cup Of Harmony and World Cup. This match is the most important in the history of Oaker, as a Win could see the Sharks top the Group Table, and a loss could see them out of the competition.

Snub Nose 38 looked much like the team that smashed home a 5-1 win a couple of matches ago, going into the half time with a one to zero lead. However, Flash Oaker worked well with Cats Oaker and Cats' last flick on saw Flash through to level the scores. Flash's goalscoring streak was ended with the 0-0 draw at Hypercapitalizm, but he is ready to start up a new one, now scoring 10 goals in 9 matches so far in the world cup.

Headlines

Sales of Flash Oaker's #17 uniform have unfortunately stopped, however, orders from Halfassedstates, The Lowland Clans, Kingsford, One Red Dot, Sarzonia, Iansisle, and Oglethorpia will be fulfilled.

The Real-Life Flash Oaker is still competing on the new local reality show "Oaker Stars take a Bath" where local celebrities are all thrown naked into a hot tub, and longer they last in the tub, the more objects will be thrown into the tub, from flying fish to purple skin die, which does not wash off, but does wear off after approximately 5 weeks of natural exposure. The last celebrity in the tub wins Ox/10.000.000 for a charity of their choice.


The Sixth Star to exit the tub was Sports analyst and known Snub Nose 38 fan Harmony Oaker. Harmony stayed in the race while clinging to the barely there hope of the Snub Nose 38 team regrouping and returning to the world cup finals, but could not bear to be seen on National TV as the Snub Nose team once again failed to beat Oaker. The best team doesnt always win...

Baseball Star Plawithmaself-Andonothing Oaker was the Fifth Star to exit the tub. Pla-An was apparently too bothered by actually doing something that had purpose or even some excitement and could no longer hold himself inside the tub, forcing himself so go watch some paint dry on the next set. Can't wait for the next Bawl Game...

Fashion Model Imaditz Oaker was the Fourth Star to exit the tub. In a very simple case, Imaditz went to rub her face with her hand when she noticed her fingers had started to wrinkle. A loud scream could be heard around the globe before Imaditz fainted and had to be removed from the tub to prevent her death. Maybe they should have just kept her in there...

Race Car Driver Vroomz Oaker was the third to exit the show. Vroomz, who makes his living driving at speeds in upwards of 400m/s in the new OaKar Series, was apparently more interested in playing with one of the lighting guys kids who had a remote control vehicle that did flips and climbed rocks. Hey, at least he was playing with a kid...

Beethovia Oaker was the second star to exit after the Oakerap star apparently saw a "*$*&^$ West *&%@*& Coast *&^*!& *&%^*&%@ Man *&%*@&%* *@&%*@ *&%@*^% *&%*@*&% (*%@*@&@ Dammmmn" and hopped out of the tub to chase him. So much for improving your image.

Bulzyit Oaker, the Newscaster from Channel 0 was the first to exit after apparantly overhearing some hot gossip betwen two actresses and did not care enough about the charity to stay and win money for them, but just wanted to produce a news story. stupid reporters.




Thats all from Oaker today, tune in tomorrow for a report on the match against Svecia!

Street In Desperate RP-inin Troubles
HAL cause worries in camp

The heuristic algorithmic installed as the new coach of the Streetian team have recently caused severe worries. Although it works perfectly in coaching the team, spitting out orders in ways that no Streetian has a clue about how works, it refuses to interact with anyone. No one can get any comments from it, except "Corrupted boot.ini. Cannot find hal.dll". However, it does surprisingly well - under the new regime, initiated after Cockbill Street 0-1 loss to the market forces, the Street have won two simple matches.

However, the heuristic algorithmic have refused to write reports about matches, and since the C-mail does not have the budget to send people out covering matches, we've been in a spot of trouble. Hence this cry for help.

LyKaiA

The Nation of Lykaia lost unfortunately his first game of the World Cup finishing the undefeated line that they had. The loss was at the similar team that furnished us with our alone no to win results a draws. Our first goal marker was Toom Uchi that marked the alone goal in the match against the Liverpool England that we lost. Fortunately we will play in the final World Cup in any case and we already guaranteed the first place in the group doing defends us in to qualify. Our better player in the last cup was Amika Alansifol had us almost 10 goals more or less but this time his alone goal came against Spaam but it was important so to speak it alone the one that beat Spaam. We play now Spaam again for the final match of the to qualify but one is small importance only to prepare us for the final fascinating World Cup that we look at forward to a lot. We will not do lineup changes or the formation changes as although we did in to qualify seemed to work very well in comparison of this that we had done in the previous competitions, with the exception of the match that we lost against the Liverpool England recently. If we can beat Spaam will have us 25 points if we do not do 22 but done again first in the positions. We very excited to play in the final World Cup and our team will prepare a lot to try and win the World Cup.

TEN Wins Last Home Game

Downs Haperd 2-1 in Unexpected Thriller

The Nest continues to keep control of Region 15 play with a 2-1 over Haperd in their last home game. The action started out fairly interesting as both teams scored a goal in the first 25 minutes, and then waited out the end of the first half. When the second half began, it was evident that Haperd was going to try to pull the upset and came on strong at the Strike Birds with 10 shots in the first 20 minutes.

However their aggressiveness cost them that chance as a counter attack allowed Striker Weber Strong to get a shot past the Haperd Goalie to make it 2-1. The remaining 20 minutes was again a flurry of assualts that allowed Coach Adams again to rest his strikers and sub in some of his reserve defenders to keep the score 2-1. Haperd had a few good chances, but Keeper Nathan Adams was there every time.


TEN now heads to Spurland in their last game of qualifying. This game in essence is meaningless as TEN has secured the slot and the 1st place in Region 15 with their win. Tadjikistan needs but a point to move on, or must not lose 7 goals on their goal differential. Crystilakare is playing Loonyvania, and so could throw some good goals at that team...so you never know.


The Eagle's Nest Quafying Schedule

Matchday 1: The Eagle's Nest @ Loonyvania Win 5-0
Matchday 2: The Eagle's Nest @ Tadjikistan Win 3-0
Matchday 3: The Eagle's Nest vs. Crystilakere Win 3-1
Matchday 4: The Eagle's Nest @ Haperd Win 4-1
Matchday 5: The Eagle's Nest vs. Spurland Win 5-0
---------------------------------------------
Matchday 6: The Eagle's Nest vs. Loonyvania Win 1-0
Matchday 7: The Eagle's Nest vs. Tadjikistan Tie 1-1
Matchday 8: The Eagle's Nest @ Crystilakere Win 2-0
Matchday 9: The Eagle's Nest vs. Haperd Win 2-1
Matchday 10: The Eagle's Nest @ Spurland


Group 15
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
Q The Eagles Nest 9 8 1 0 26 4 22 25 28
2 Tadjikistan 9 5 2 2 18 11 7 17 20
3 Crystilakere 9 4 2 3 14 13 1 14 17
E Haperd 9 2 2 5 12 21 -9 8 11
E Spurland 9 1 4 4 14 22 -8 7 10
E Loonyvania 9 0 3 6 4 17 -13 3 6

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Lovisa celebrate

Lovisa win Jerusalem 1-0 in away in 9th matchday and now is first in group.
For now we know Lovisa advance to the final, and the coach are very very happy this is second time when Lovisa play in the final. in last WC we lost in quaterfinal, and We will hope, our team will be the same good.

The Valerian Voice

Boyars Fans Defecting to Foreigners?

Today at their second-to-last home game, the Boyars hosted Oglethorpia to a match between tried and true teams. Oglethorpia has had more experience than the Boyars, but the Boyars were not so shabby either. It ended with a draw, as the Boyars's defensive line held off any more points, unlike what happened the other day with Europa Brittania. Yet, the stadium was rather quiet. The seating was only half full! Where were all the cheering fans of the Boyars?

The fans were elsewhere and busy, watching from a media that's growing around Valerian homes: The Television.

And they were not watching the Boyars.

No, they were watching and cheering for foreign teams! The teams that many of the Boyars fans were following were the Iansislians, the newcomers from Lykaia, Cockbill Street, Vilita, Brazilico, and even Starblaydia. "It's exciting to watch the Boyars... but, it's even more fun to see the other teams out there in the world play. Especially if they are surprises!" said a rabid fan of Brazilico. Frankly, it appears that the Boyars aren't doing too well in the fans's eyes, and now it seems that there will be Valerians who go and watch the games of foreign teams and cheer for them.

"But if my favorite team is pitched against the Boyars, I'll cheer for the Boyars of course while wearing my Iansislian jersey!" another fan pitched in.

FINAL SCORES FOR MD9

Magnus Valerius 1
(Hapsburg, 33rd)

Oglethorpia 1

The Sarzonian national team missed out on an opportunity to clinch a berth in the World Cup, falling 2-0 to group top seed Tanah Burung.

"We knew going in that they would be a desperate side and it showed," Coach Bryan Marshall said. "They were playing for their football lives and we went in trying to secure one [standings] point. That's not going to be good enough for this team."

Stars goalkeeper Troy Perkins allowed "soft" goals in the 43rd minute after a blown offsides trap by defender Mike Conley and a free kick that left him stunned in the 87th minute.

"I played an awful game out there," Perkins said. "I wish I could have both those goals back."

"We didn't attack the goal nearly enough," midfielder Darwin Russell said. "We played a very conservative brand of football until about the 75th minute and by then, it was too late to generate any real pressure."

Unconfirmed reports from Tanah Burung's clubhouse indicated that some of the players took exception to forward Brian Wilson's describing the team as "wounded animals." Wilson tried to clarify his remarks after the match.

"I figured everyone knew that wounded animals are more dangerous. That's what I was trying to say," Wilson said. "I wasn't trying to insult them."

Now the team said it needs a win against Lovisa to advance to the finals.

"One point is not going to cut it," midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey said. "If Tanah win their match and we draw, we're in the Cup of Harmony. If they draw and we lose, it goes to the tiebreakers.

The team is one point ahead of Tanah Burung and Jeruselem were eliminated with their 1-0 loss to Lovisa. A win by the Stars would make it impossible for Tanah to qualify ahead of the Stars.

"We may still be able to get in if both we and Tanah lose," Russell said. "We'd be able to make it if we both draw or if we both win. But we've seen the result of playing too conservatively and I can tell you we're going to get out there and play our brand of football."

"It's not our style to play for one point and be satisfied," Wilson said. "Lovisa's going to bring everything and we're going to have to bring it all to have a chance at winning the group. We still have an outside shot of that but we have to play as well as we've played to this point."

Squornshleous Qualifies Through Loss?

A bizarre turn of events puts Squornshelous through to the group stage after defeat by Krytenia

Despite the 1-0 loss sufered by the Pschychoes, there was some feeble, and totally confused celebration in Squornshelous. Due to the withdrawal of THe Water Cooler. Squornshleous will recieve the credit for a 3-0 win in their final match. Since they currently lead third place Nikea by one point, the Pschychoes have Qualified. It was just our luck that Nikea drew with NASTIC 2. Doubtless, several glasses wil be raised to NASTIC 2's team at the team's meal tonight, despite Squornshleous' loss to that side earlier in qualifying.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 0-1 Krytenia

Squornshleous' Scorers:
Jones: 5
Rutter: 4
Kieths: 4
Grigoriev: 2

Group 12 Standings after Matchday 9

Group 12 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. KRYTENIA 21 7 0 2 21: 6 15 Q
2. Squornshelous 17 5 2 2 15: 7 8 Q
-----------------------------------------------------
3. Nikea 16 4 4 1 12: 6 6 E
4. Nastic II 14 4 2 3 18:12 6 E
5. The Gulf States 5 1 2 6 7:19 -12 E
6. The Water Cooler* -12 1 0 8 2:25 -23 E

Crack Investigators Hot on the Trail
And So Are the Under-a-Cheevers as They Win Third Straight
By Jim Dwordorf of the Aldi Tribune

ALDI, MELMOND—For long enough, the Melmond National Team have suffered heartbreak after heartbreak due to the curses of the voodoo dice and the billy goat. But in this matchup, one can sense that there was change in the air. Word was coming from the crack team of private investigators is that they got reliable clues that the voodoo dice perpetrator was inside Melmond during the whole time. The team that includes people from Melmond and HypercapitaliZm: Former Melmond defender Paul “Edgy” Shields, world champion shoe flinger Dugger Laga, Oinky the Capitalizt Pig from the failed Commerce Heights-Melmond World Cup 16 bid, Buzz Sugarshack who is the owner of some chub clubs in HypercapitaliZm, and Joe Bakedbeans who is HypercapitaliZm’s loudest farter. Using some strong-arming techniques from Paul “Edgy” Shields on some possible informants and using Buzz Sugarshack’s knowledge of earthly vibrations, they were able to deduct that the perpetrator is within the country.
The perpetrator is clearly panicking as the crack team of investigators is closing in on him or her or hir. The voodoo dice was having the opposite effect as the side from Svecia got the bad luck that Melmond defender Jonsi Torrini knows all about. This is what happens when someone who isn’t a master of the voodoo dice wields such a strong instrument. As for the Billy Goat curse, the Cubs lost again, the Melmondian goddess won’t get to see the Cure, Muse, and Interpol, but the chants from the wizards and the crowds of “Fish heads fish heads roly poly fish heads fish heads fish heads eat them up yum!” kept the Billy Goat curse at bay. In celebration of the chant, some fans brought their own fish heads to the stadium. However, since bringing real fish heads to the stadium just for decoration purposes is illegal in Melmond, they brought giant gummi versions of fish heads which has been nicknamed “The Fearless Fish Head.”
There is no better environment for a fish or a fish head than water, and there was plenty of it at the sold out Microcosm Football Colossuseum in Aldi. The normally sunny city was bucketed with rain throughout the match, which really messed up the play between both sides. Except the play of the rejuvenated Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm, who played as good as he has been advertised as he was always there to stop most of the shots, however he did catch some lucky breaks against the Svecian side. For example, at the 33rd minute, Svecian striker Hanan Belagt, who is very familiar to Melmond football fans, got a shot past Xtfuinxm. However, the ball hydroplaned from the wet pitch and hit the post. The ball then hit Xtfuinxm on the back of the head and hit the other post! Talk about strange! But the exchange ended rather dully and happily as the ball ricocheted to the feet of Juanito on the spot: Melmond defender Sergio Ortiz, who was able to clear the ball right away to midfielder Fwynj Otsjx. Otsjx than found Melmond point midfielder Critandi Unne, who was looking to make a cross to striker Chris Owen, but the rain played its tricks on Critandi Unne as hir cross was rather week and easy for Svecia goalkeeper Piet van Meer to snatch away. However, Svecia defender Karl Mayha, feeling opportunistic, volleyed the ball from a questionable angle. The ball did not go to the midfielder as planned, but deflected backwards into the net where an astonished Piet van Meer can only watch the ball go into the net. The own goal was at the 34th minute as Melmond took the lead 1-nil and will keep that lead until half time.
As the second half started, one can tell that Svecia defender Karl Mayha was playing much more conservatively. Melmond smelled blood and focused their attack on that side of the field. Unfortunately, the rain played tricks with the strikers’ aim as the majority of shots were well off-target. However, Melmond did earn one fateful corner kick. As an attempt cross by midfielder Fwynj Otsjx deflected out of bounds off of Svecia defender Tomas Kristiansand. Melmond defender Jonsi Torrini as always took the honours for the corner kick. Position was being hard fought for as the corner kick was in the air. Svecia defender Karl Mayha felt he had position to head the ball away back to the midfielder, however the struggle on the pitch careened his body backward, which completely changed the trajectory of his head once again backward as he heads the ball past a stunned Svecia goalkeeper Piet van Meer. The fans cheer and Melmond defender Jonsi Torrini was one the wet pitch hysterically laughing. After all, the kicker of the corner kick scored two own goals in one game against Cirdanistan due to voodoo dice. This just seems just somehow. Melmond takes the 2-nil lead at the 55th minute.
As Mayha was substituted for fellow Svecian defender Pawel Druschitz, he received a standing ovation from the sold out Melmondian crowd, partly sarcastic yet partly in honour of him as they know of the pain that brings two own goals by one person in one match. Svecia seemed to play tighter, but none was much tighter than the goalkeeping skills of Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm, who steadily handled the late minute Svecian attack in order to get his third clean sheet in a row as Melmond gets the 2-nil victory over their friendly rivals from Svecia. We will be rooting for Svecia as they play our big obstacle Oaker in the next matchday. We will be playing Cirdanistan.

Goals
Mayha, MEL (OG) 34th
Mayha, MEL (OG) 55th

Cards
None

Standings

Other Group 3 Results
Cirdanistan 0 – HypercapitaliZm 0
Snub Nose 38 1 – Oaker 1

Group 3
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Svecia 21 7 0 2 16:12 4
2. Oaker 18 5 3 1 15:7 8
3. Melmond 16 5 1 3 16:10 6
4. Snub Nose 38 10 3 1 5 16:10 6
5. HypercapitaliZm 8 2 2 5 7:13 -6
6. Cirdanistan 3 0 3 6 4:22 -18

Team Stats
Goals: Mornakh the Bloody Handed (4), Critandi Unne (1), Fwynj Otsjx (1), Jonsi Torrini (1), Chris Owen (1), Naol Keelafin (1)
Cards: Trav Strachan (1), Rainy Zoulthane (1), Chris Owen (1), Charles Unne (1)

Melmond National Team Schedule

@ Oaker L 3-0
v HypercapitaliZm (Makinshakes Stadium, O’Connor) W 3-0
@ Snub Nose 38 W 1-0
@ Svecia L 3-2
@ Cirdanistan T 2-2
v Oaker (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) L 2-1
@ HypercapitaliZm W 3-0
v Snub Nose 38 (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City) W 2-0
v Svecia (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi) W 2-0
v Cirdanistan (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)

Next Game
vs. Cirdanistan (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Aldi)

Let’s keep it simple shall we?

Oaker is in with: Melmond loss or draw, Oaker win, a draw if Melmond wins by less than 2 goals.

Melmond is in with: Melmond win and Oaker loss, Melmond win by at least 2 goals with Oaker draw.

Manager Gerry Cheevers’ Starting Lineup

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Charles Unne
D- Trav Strachan
M- Fwynj Otsjx
M- Rainy Zoulthane
M- Cristina Antunez
P- Critandi Unne
F- Chris Owen
F- Benjamin Leeb

Feliz-Unne Stadium
Location: Unne, Melmond
Seats: 48,000 (Open Air)

The city of Unne is Melmond’s third largest city and is said to be the most fashionable city in the nation. The city was named after the famous Dr. Unne, in which Melmondian legend claims that he taught the Light Warriors an ancient language which helped rid the world from Chaos (the evil being, not the concept). Descendants of the Unne family make their home in Unne and are a sort of unofficial royalty in Melmond. Three members of the Unne family: Critandi, Gina, and Charles play for the Under-a-Cheevers. Diallo Unne played for the first two editions of the Melmond National Team when they were known as Fearless Farmers. Feliz-Unne Stadium is one of the few football-specific stadiums in Melmond as it was built due to the success Melmond had in the Cup of Harmony also along with success the Unne Yellows club team had. They expanded the smaller Feliz Stadium by 30,000 seats. It was funded by the Unne family, hence the name. Seats are almost right on top of the pitch, and in the humid climate of Unne, it can make opponents claustrophobic. Tickets are sold out! Bring your fearless fish heads!

Controversy Abounds In World Cup

In what will probably be remembered as the most controversial World Cup, ahead of World Cup
IX where the Union of Spaam boycotted the World Cup, and World Cup VI, where civil war
prevented Spaam hosting the World Cup after winning the bid, Spaam may yet still qualify. The
biggest story in the World Cup arena is that Liverpool England will forfeit their last match
against Northbank, which means Spaam will almost certainly qualify. Only a loss at home to
Lykaia and a large win to the Weegies will prevent Spaam from playing in their 10th World Cup.

After a shocking first half to the qualifying season, Spaam has slowly been turning around its
fortunes, unbeaten in the past 4 matches. Their latest win was an incredible 1 nil away win
against the Weegies, a controversial game in itself. Spaam scored first in the 50th minute thanks
to veteran Mykel Strva, and the Weegies seemed to equalise 10 minutes later. However, even
though video replays show that the ball went past the goal line before being pushed out by the
Spaamanian goalkeeper, the referee ruled that it was not a goal. The Weegies have not yet
launched an appeal.

With Liverpool England holding back the Lykaian attack in their match, coming out 2-1
winners, Lykaia seems likely to lose. Indeed, there will most likely be an uproar if Lykaia
manages to defeat Spaam in Artanis, considering the anger against the match officials this
qualifying season. There have many accusations of favouritism against the Rejistanian officials,
with many World Cup veterans losing to smaller, less experienced nations. Lykaia is such an
example, with the small 89th ranked team being the first team to qualify for the World Cup
behind the hosts, and having only lost one match so far.

No matter what happens, this will be a cup to remember, though not for the correct reasons. The
only event which could bring this competition back from the brink of infamy is if Spaam finally
achieves the goal that they have been fighting for, for half a century, coming so close on so many
occasions. The World Cup.

Le LIBRE

Match Day 9 show’s qualifiers

Match Day 9 was expected to provide a whole picture of who would go on to qualify for the World Cup. Les Bleus were hoping to qualify at home which seemed pretty easy as all they needed was a loss by CC and at least a tie. Team captain Joseuf though said “We know we are pretty much set to qualify, but we also want to catch NEWI and reclaim the 1st place title for ourselves.”

At the stadium, it was a very large crowd, but nothing close to what it was when NEWI was here playing Les Bleus. Despite this, Les Bleus seemed to use the pressure of winning to keep pace with NEWI to get them to win the match. The match started and Les Bleus defended well, as AA was prevented from getting deep into Les Bleus zone. On the offence, Les Bleus showed that they were in desire of a victory, as during the 23rd minute of play, a shot was taken going off the hand of the keeper. A corner was granted to Les Bleus and David capitalised on it with a strong header into the net. Les Bleus went up 1 – 0 early. The attack didn’t stop there as Les Bleus got control of the ball again only a few minutes later, sending an attack up the field. Joseuf got through the defence, as he passed it to a team mate who tapped the ball into the empty part of the net. Les Bleus went up 2 – 0 at the 26th minute of play. The fans were excited to see their team playing well and could know from then that their team would be qualifying for the cup. During the break period, fans rushed to buy tickets for the next world cup.

The second half proved to be no challenge or difference for Les Bleus as they kept on the pressure to win and prevented AA from minimal scoring opportunities. There was a scare during the 77th minute of play, as an AA player let off a shot which hit the left post, almost going into the net. Outside of that, AA proved to be no challenge to Les Bleus. Les Bleus did seal the deal during the 88th minute as a forward was pulled down by a defender. A free kick was awarded and Joseuf put it in as Les Bleus finished off the match by a 3 – 0 victory. Les Bleus took the series between the 2 clubs 2 – 0 – 0 with a goal difference of +6. The victory seals a spot for Les Bleus in World Cup 16 and only leaves now who will come first and who will come second in group 11. At the moment, NEWI has a 2 point lead over Les Bleus. Les Bleus will be hoping that NEWI loses or ties their next match in hope that Les Bleus will have a higher goal difference if the match results in a tie. As for the final match for Les Bleus, it comes against the Ebon Hawks who are already eliminated and are just playing spoiler. The last time these two clubs met, Les Bleus faced a bit of a challenge, but still won the match 2 – 1. Les Bleus will be looking for a better result this time around.


Region 11 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. NEWI Cefn Druids 24 8 0 1 25: 7 18 Q
2. Eauz 22 7 1 1 21: 4 17 Q
3. Creedence Clearwater 13 4 1 4 12:13 -1 E
4. Avenging Altos 13 4 1 4 12:16 -4 E
5. Ebon Hawk 4 1 1 7 7:18 -11 E
6. Nominaen 3 1 0 8 2:21 -19 E



Match Day 1: Eauz @ Nominaen W 6 – 0
Match Day 2: Eauz @ NEWI Cefn Druids L 0 – 1
Match Day 3: Creedence Clearwater @ Eauz T 0 – 0
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Avenging Altos W 5 – 2
Match Day 5: Ebon Hawk @ Eauz W 1 – 2

Match Day 6: Nominaen @ Eauz W 0 – 2
Match Day 7: NEWI Cefn Druids @ Eauz W 0 – 2
Match Day 8: Eauz @ Creedence Clearwater W 1 – 0
Match Day 9: Avenging Altos @ Eauz W 0 – 3
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Ebon Hawks

Rocky Raccoon
(with MANY, MANY, MANY apologies to Paul McCartney)

- place a series of "na na na na na na na's", "oooo's", and the usual hums and sound effects in the appropriate places -

Now somewhere in the back hills of Snub Nose 38
there lived a young footballer name o’ Rocky Raccoon.
And one day his management ran off without a word-
left them Hooligans high and dry. Rocky didn't like that,
he said “I'm gonna get them, boy.”
So one day he found out where they was -
an’ booked himself a room in the local saloon.

Rocky Raccoon checked into his room
only to find the sports pages.
Rocky had come equipped with a gun
to call out the Hooligan Managment.
They had, it seems, broken his dreams
with loss after loss to opponents.
They was Ben and Eileen, and a ol’ voodoo queen -
but everyone knew her as Margaret.

Now she and her man, who called hisself The Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages,

(I know that don’t scan, but calling him Dan, it just wouldn’t work in this story)

were in the next room readin' Scuttlebut.
Rocky burst in, and grinning a grin,
he said, “Margaret, this is a showdown.”
But Margie was hot - she drew first and shot -
and Rocky collapsed in the corner.

Now the doctor came in, stinking of gin,
and proceeded to lie on the table.
He said, “Rocky you met your match.”
And Rocky said, “Apparently so, Doc -
Every side in the qualifiers, hey, just look at the tables.”
Now Rocky Raccoon, he fell back in his room,
only to find the sports pages.
Management checked out and they left it no doubt
To hinder poor Rocky's revival.

(LOTs of "na na na's" here, followed by a final) -

The story of Rocky Raccoon

ooc: ;)

OOC : Let me just say this is bollocks. I finished in the top 5 in the first World Cup I played in and now I can't even win a match! How screwed up is that. I don't mind losing, but not in fine style like I just have. How are these matches even played?

OOC : Let me just say this is bollocks. I finished in the top 5 in the first World Cup I played in and now I can't even win a match! How screwed up is that. I don't mind losing, but not in fine style like I just have. How are these matches even played?

hmmm...apparently, dead men do tell tales...:cool:

Relax. Eat a peach. It's just a game. In fact, it's just a game within a game. So, some of us will tumble in the rankings. Ouch...?

As far as finishing in the top 5 in your first WC...the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans have played in WC3, WC4, WC5, WC6, WC7, WC8, WC9, WC10, WC11, WC12, WC13, WC14, WC15, and WC16...and never finished in the top 5. So, am I supposed to be mad at you?

Nah.

Relax. Eat another peach. Aren't they tasty?

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Turori [2]-[2] Kingsford
[ Liano 29 :: Doohan 81 ]-------------------------- [ d'Arderer 38, 56 ]--------------

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-----------The Turori Eels kept themselves within the mathematical realm of qualification after a very impressive 2-2 draw with Group Leaders and World Cup 14 Champions, Kingsford. The loss to Dead Man eliminated all realistic hope of qualification, with the Eels now needing to overcome Giant Zucchini, the 16th ranked nation in the World, while also hoping that Wella loses to bottom team Largemanistan who have barely scored more than a goal this season, and that The Eels also can make up the goal differential that sepearates the side. But, with the odds highly against them, The Eels kept their shoes tied tight and kept the mathematicians axe away from their heads for one further day, before a likely trip to Liverpool England for the Cup of Harmony.

-----------Akamoari Liano continued his hot goalscoring streak, netting after half an hour to put his side 1-0 up. Liano had scored both goals for the Eels against Dead Man, before the undeserving side of death knocked home four un-answered second half goals. Former Trialist Tika Poloni worked well down the left before holding back to Malaino Mumamba. Mumamba set a perfect cross into the area that Liano was able to get to before the Kingsford keeper to give the Eels the lead. However, the lead would be short lived when Vilitan based Rieux d'Arderer, Kingsford impressive Attacking Midfielder from Yeaddin Owls AFC in the Vilitan Stellar Division, continued his hot streak against the Eels. d'Arderer was credited with his first international goals against the Eels in the first leg of this matchup, and again showed his prowess for beating Milauo Slietah, stealing in to level the scores going into the half.

-----------The Eels would make one substitution at the half, with NEWI-Cefn Druids based former Trialist Tika Poloni being replaced by his 25 year old Vilitan Exiles (NCD) teammate Rikko Ambama. Ambama was unable to deter the Kingsford onslaught, with Slietah being forced into action 10 times in the opening stages of the second half, including and impressive save from a 25 yard freekick that Slietah was able to redirect off his own left hand post. The Cednia Beach AFC keeper could not stop d'Arderer however, on 56 minutes, when the Eel-Killer made a dazzling run to the keepers right hand side before prodding the ball to the far corner, Slietah left only to watch as the ball carefully rolled into the back of the night, giving the favorites a 2-1 advantage.

-----------Kingsford looked set to Defend, but Eels coach Gisterfred Q. Distrfred was not done yet, making to substitutions in the last 15 minutes. Boaibou Houabou was introduced in a straight up substitution for captain Cuolia Tuirma, with Marlian Hunial taking the captains armband. Then, in an attacking-minded substitution, Disterfred introduced 19 year old Prospective Midfielder Ugo Doohan for defender Linoi Niabula, switching to a more attacking 3-5-2 formation. Doohan, a fans favorite in Turori, has just signed for Vilitan Stellar Division side Kioano Locals, based in Turori, and amazingly some fans were already dressed in the Kioano Colors with Doohan blazen accross their backs.

-----------Doohan would not dissapoint his travelling faithful, as he latched on to a Malaino Mumamba through ball with less than 10 minutes to play, then with a clinical finish, outclassed the Kingsford defenders and goalkeeper alike to emphatically level the score at 2. Knowing that Giant Zucchini already trailed at Wella, Eels fans erupted knowing that the result would see them with some chance of qualifying for Rejistania and Brazillico, no matter how unlikely.

Turori Eels (4-4-2) ::
[GK] Milauo Slietah, [D] Linoi Niabula, [D] Marlian Hunial, [D] Martika Ecspo, [D] Kiatin Likao [M] Tika Poloni, [M] Malaino Mumamba, [M] Yabaiy Tbaiao, [M] Cuolia Tuirma, [F] Jualiar Vumaou, [F] Akamoari Liano
BENCH::
[GK] Aaron White, [D] Moiba Linaian, [DM] Ugo Doohan, [U] Rikko Ambama, [M] Boaibou Houabou [F] Kaboafo Iobabao, [F] Mika Sakatorra



Disterfred hits back at Dead Man
Turori FA Press Conference, Almintora, Turori
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OOC : Let me just say this is bollocks. I finished in the top 5 in the first World Cup I played in and now I can't even win a match! How screwed up is that. I don't mind losing, but not in fine style like I just have. How are these matches even played?

-----------"Bollocks? No, thats not what Bollocks is. Bollocks is the Match that you won, on Matchday 8, against Turori. Turori has been actively contributing to the world cup thread ever since it's creation, being one of two teams to RP in their Baptism Of Fire Cup, and RPing almost every matchday since then, and then some. Yet, when Turori needs a win to get them back level with 2nd place going into the final matchday, how do YOU think it feels, to come up against a team that has contributed JACK CRAP to the World Cup SINCE you finished in the top 5 however long ago that was. How do YOU think it feels to come up against a team that doesnt even care to Notice it's performance until the eve of Matchday 10, doesnt contribute so much as a roster or a note that says "Hey sorry I can't RP this cup"; and come up against that team and get their ass beat 4-2. 4-2, a loss to an inconsiderate non-participant that is going to cost me the chance to qualify for my FIRST world cup finals. And just as I'm getting over the thought of losing all hope of making the finals to someone who doesnt even care enough to participate at all, that nation that couldnt bother to post a single thing all cup long, comes up and decides to complain about all the matches they are LOSING?"

-----------"You just knocked a good team out of the World Cup Finals. A team that actually CARED about being in the world cup finals. So don't you DARE come on here and complain about LOSING, to me, until you RP All 9 Matchdays that I already have, then, and ONLY THEN, will i Listen to what you have to say. As you see, I have just finished doing something that YOU do not care enough to do, something that I have done EVERY DAY this entire competition, and 15 out of 18 in the last one. Not that I hold it against you or anything, just a matter of opinion i guess."



--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9

OOC : Let me just say this is bollocks. I finished in the top 5 in the first World Cup I played in and now I can't even win a match! How screwed up is that. I don't mind losing, but not in fine style like I just have. How are these matches even played?

Unfortunately the random formula and the short qualifiers are an unholy alliance: firsdt strange results are created, then there is not enough time to even 'em out. I could name some reasons why that happened, most important the bad communication between us hosts, too much RL duties for intensive tweaking as in WC13 among others. Consider your performance a statistical anomaly combined with the fact that your rank was reset a few cups ago iirc.

Weegie Football Association takes decision to appeal Spaam loss.

The controvertial Spaam/Weegie match, in which the Weegies narrowly lost one-nil, is being appealed by the WFA after they claimed video evidence showed a supposedly saved shot by Marten Larsson clearly going fully across the line before being knocked back out by the Spammian goalkeeper. Larsson then received a yellow card, along with two other teammates, for continually arguing with the decisions of the referee.

"The ref was miles away; of course it looked like a save from where he was." said unhappy midfielder Larsson. "The ref should be in the thick of the action, and this one wasn't, he was away from the penalty area and couldn't effectively see the shot properly. I think it's a disgrace, and the WCC should look at this incompetence in refereeing straight away."

"This isn't just sour grapes, you realise." said WFA official Jaime Hernandez. "We've never complained when decisions haven't gone in our favour, if we consider them to be perfectly legitimate. This was a bad decision, the video evidence supports our view, and we need the WCC to make a decision about this referee's incompetence now. For the sake of fair refereeing, the WCC needs to make a decision on this now."

No-one from the WCC was, as of yet, available for comment.

OOC: Sorry, posted in a puppet nation. This is Weegies.

In bewilderment of not knowing where to post this, the FANCD will just say this then leave:

Krytenia and NEWI Cefn Druids to bid to host BoF.

More information when we get it.

Weegie Football Association takes decision to appeal Spaam loss.

The controvertial Spaam/Weegie match, in which the Weegies narrowly lost one-nil, is being appealed by the WFA after they claimed video evidence showed a supposedly saved shot by Marten Larsson clearly going fully across the line before being knocked back out by the Spammian goalkeeper. Larsson then received a yellow card, along with two other teammates, for continually arguing with the decisions of the referee.

"The ref was miles away; of course it looked like a save from where he was." said unhappy midfielder Larsson. "The ref should be in the thick of the action, and this one wasn't, he was away from the penalty area and couldn't effectively see the shot properly. I think it's a disgrace, and the WCC should look at this incompetence in refereeing straight away."

"This isn't just sour grapes, you realise." said WFA official Jaime Hernandez. "We've never complained when decisions haven't gone in our favour, if we consider them to be perfectly legitimate. This was a bad decision, the video evidence supports our view, and we need the WCC to make a decision about this referee's incompetence now. For the sake of fair refereeing, the WCC needs to make a decision on this now."

No-one from the WCC was, as of yet, available for comment.

OOC: Sorry, posted in a puppet nation. This is Weegies.

Paddy O'Furniture, Past President of the World Cup Committee from The Frost-Free Bordlerlands of Snub Nose 38, had this to say in response to the protest lodged by The Weegies.

"What? Are they nuts? Didn't they watch the United States lose to Germany in 2002 on a similar call? When was the last time anybody can remember a football referee reversing his decision? When was the last time anybody can remember the WCC changing the results of a match by changing a referees decision? What do they expect? And who burned down my office?"

We waited for Mr. O'Furniture to actually make a statement of some kind, but he continued to rattle off questions for another five minutes, and then abruptly left the podium, got into a cab, and disappeared into the dark and, appropriately, stormy night.

And who burned down my office?"

"...and in other news, the office of notable Snub Nose 38 denizen Paddy O'Furniture was burnt down earlier today. No-one was hurt. Reports that three WFA officials were seen near the office with large amounts of flammable substances are as yet, unconfirmed."

"This is George Hamill for WPN News, saying it was definitely a goal, you bunch of gits."

Relax. Eat another peach. Aren't they tasty?

Dammit! Ari Smith needs his half-time peaches! Do you not read the label?

It all comes down to this.

The Sarzonian national team is three points behind group leaders Lovisa heading into the final match of World Cup qualifying, so they likely would need to beat Lovisa by at least two goals to win the group. However, the group's top seeds going in, Tanah Burung are one point behind the Stars for the World Cup berth. If that team wins and Sarzonia does not, they will miss out on the World Cup.

"We're going to be looking at this like the only acceptable result for us will be the full three [standings points for a victory]," Coach Bryan Marshall said. "Lovisa have a berth sewn up, but we're expecting them to bring everything they've got in an effort to send us to the Cup of Harmony. We're going to have to play a desperate game of football."

The Stars spent extra time looking at tapes of Lovisa's matches, including their 1-1 draw against the Stars in Woodstock.

"We're somewhat familiar with them, but they're also familiar with us," midfielder Darwin Russell said. "We're going to play this match with a lot more urgency since we missed our chance to clinch a berth the last time out."

The Stars' 2-0 loss was highlighted in the Tanah Burung media after the host side plastered forward Brian Wilson's comments about Tanah Burung being "wounded animals" on the locker room walls.

"That's not a mistake we can afford to make here," Wilson said. "This time, we'd better play like we're the wounded animals or we're going to the Cup of Harmony."

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Appalling Loss May Not Count Us Out Yet
Fans demand answers, but look toward qualification

COLUMBIA, FD -- For the third time in nine games, the Bedistan Lions lost their match, at home to Ineptia of all teams. This performance has many Lions fans calling for the heads of both manager Brandon Barton and BFA president Javier McGuire.

"This is unacceptable," said a man on the street in Eastfield. "Obviously, the Association needs new management. McGuire's been there for something like 25 years now, and he lost his touch a long time ago. He needs to get out."

The loss leaves Bedistan in third place in Group 4, three points behind Halfassedstates, two behind Ineptia, and ahead of Aquilla only on goal differential. So the question is: can the Lions still qualify?

Actually, it's easier than one would think, and that is made possible by the fact that the two top teams, Halfassed and Ineptia, play each other on Matchday 10. So here's what has to happen.

[b]Anitram vs Bedistan - This one is non-negotiable. The Lions must win in order to go through. Fail to beat Anitram, and it's the Cup of Harmony for the first time in twenty years.

Aquilla vs ASSKICKEN - Aquilla have to win in order to have a chance. If they don't win (unlikely), factor them out of the equation. The scenarios below assume an Aquilla win.

Halfassedstates vs Ineptia - Thank Margaret the top two teams are playing each other, because it greatly helps us out:

If Halfassedstates win: Halfassed wins the group with 22 points. Ineptia finishes fourth with 18 points. Bedistan and Aquilla have 19 points each, but the Lions have the advantage by going in with a two-notch GD advantage and more goals scored. So unless Aquilla beats ASSKICKEN by three goals beyond our margin of victory, we're in.

If Halfassed and Ineptia draw: Halfassed wins the group with 20 points. Ineptia, Bedistan, and Aquilla all have 19 points. However, Ineptia would have the worst goal difference at +6 and would finish fourth. Thus, it's effectively the same situation as a Hurricane win.

If Ineptia win: Ineptia wins the group with 21 points. Halfassed, Bedistan, and Aquilla all have 19 points. Going into the final matchday, Halfassed has the GD advantage at +12 to Bedistan's +9 and Aquilla's +7. However, a Halfassed loss would give them a maximum of +11 and a Bedistani win would give us at least +10. Thus, if the Lions win by 2 and Halfassed loses by 1, or Halfassed loses by 2 and the Lions win by 1, then it comes down to goals scored, and Halfassed and Bedistan are currently tied there at 21 goals each! That means there is a possibility that the two teams could be in a total deadlock for second place, likely requiring a playoff match to settle it. However, if Bedistan wins by two and Halfassed loses by at least two, or if the Lions win by three or more, Bedistan is in.

So the gist of it is: if we can win, we're almost certainly through, though it gets iffy if Halfassed loses. Also, if we win by at least three goals, we are definitely in unless Aquilla wins by six or more, which is not going to happen. So our qualification chances actually don't look too bad in reality.

See you in the Cup of Harmony.

OOC : Let me just say this is bollocks. I finished in the top 5 in the first World Cup I played in and now I can't even win a match! How screwed up is that. I don't mind losing, but not in fine style like I just have. How are these matches even played?

Because you missed a few cups and were thus put down to newbie status. And that cup was a very very long time ago.

channel one begins broadcasting. Jeremy Jaffacake and Malcom McVities are sitting in a little blue room kicking their heels

Malcom: So.... ummm... we must be able to complain about something... right?

Jeremy: About what? The 'slaves haven't lost a match, we only drew two against Hazlia and The Redavic Union, but the rest we've won, including...

Malcom: ..INCLUDING the equal-highest win in our history

Jeremy: right, so why do you want to complain

Malcom: Because i HAVE to Jeremy, theres ALWAYS something to complain about, either we play too deep or we give away jammy goals or our strikers are past it or underperforming or exploding or gay

Jeremy: pardon me?

Malcom: you heard me bitch.

Jeremy: So... are you telling me youre unhappy that theres nothing wrong with the national team?

Malcom: YES! WEVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT! God mary jesus joseph bring back the days of Squornshelous and One Red Dot hammering us into oblivion, bring back the good ole' days of, you know, having to do HARD WORD when we want to qualify for a world cup, instead of doing the whole 'relax, lets play our game' kind of thing. bring back the days of bottling it and losing a two-goal lead to a bunch of no-hopers.

Jeremy: You'd prefer Audioslavia to be languishing around the mid twenties in the rankings then? as opposed to being a real....

Malcom: DONT SAY IT

Jeremy: ...superpower

Malcom: GAH! SUPERPOWER? How many world cups have we won? eh? none! how many times have we got past the SECOND ROUND eh? once. There ARE no superpowers in world football dude, theres just a bunch of good teams who get it right on the night. look at the last four champions. Rejistania: poofs, Eauz: commie poofs, Kingsford: cheesey poofs, Commerce Heights: tall poofs. ANYONE with a few good players, a never-say-die attitude and a love of football can win the world cup.

Jeremy: Malcom, thats a good thing

Malcom:....oh yeah.... but what about this Lykiekaewiaeka lot, theyre RUBBISH, they dont care about football, their media doesnt give a toss! they just send eleven players to a few countries, surprise them all by not ACTUALLY being as crap as anticipated, and basically give a hearty kick-in-the-nuts to the establishment

Jeremy: The establishment, Malcom?

Malcom: You know, the established belief that a new-ish team should have no business beating a big old established team, simply because theyve been around for less time. Its funny if you think about it, but its good that it only happens once in a blue moon.

Jeremy: Thankyou Malcom... now, Channel One Football will be back in a bit, after that over-rated twaddle 'Malcom In The Muddle'

Malcom: oi!

This pseduo-satyrical broadcast was brought to you by the letters 'F', 'U', and the numbers 16, 19 and 130. Thankyou

Dammit! Ari Smith needs his half-time peaches! Do you not read the label?

...the label on a peach...?...

TB: Here ya go

...torn from the sports pages of...

Scuttlebut - Underground Edition

Tanah Burung Still in the Hunt - Hooligans Distraught
Somewhere in the Jungles of Tanah Burung Mike Easter - aspn wire

We have to be quiet here. Patrols pass nearby almost every hour. Somehow, we continue to evade capture. The Minister of Super Secret Sleuthery, Jack Cass, has been very helpful - we've learned quite a bit about "not being there".

Scribbling this with a broken pencil, and a slip of bark from a...well, I don't really know what kind of tree it is. The humidity is oppresive - I mean, where else does pencil run?

The food's not bad, though. Margaret's found what she claims is a new breed of chicken, and has been creating some delicious epicurian delights for us. We all seem very pleasant to one another right after we eat. Must be something in the water? In the food? In the...but, I'm way off topic.

The Hooligans - bless their pointy little heads - have failed to qualify. And here, in the Jungles of our most hated rival, the Tanah Burung Crocodiles, is where we've found, at least temporarily, respite. Either there's some kind of mini-war going on here, or a para-military exercise, or they've discovered we're in here, and are hunting us down.

Now, that's another thing - the paranoia. And that seems to be at it's height right after we eat, too. Hmmm...

Back to the topic at hand. The Hooligans can't qualify, but...and this makes it even worse...the Crocs still can qualify! Ben and Eileen have taken to their hammocks, feverish over the thought. Ben keeps mumbling something - sounds like "raspberries".

With a win on day 10, combined with a Sarzonian loss or draw, the Crocs can qualify:

Region 9 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Lovisa 19 5 4 0 13: 4 9
2. Sarzonia 16 4 4 1 16:10 6
3. Tanah Burung 15 4 3 2 12: 7 5
4. Jeruselem 12 3 3 3 11: 8 3
5. Minas Trith 9 2 3 4 10:14 -4
6. New Cyprus 1 0 1 8 5:24 -19

Day 1: Minas Trith 0, TB 0 – D
Day 2: Lovisa 2, TB 0 – L
Day 3: TB 1, Jeruselem 0 – W
Day 4: Sarzonia 2, TB 1 – L
Day 5: TB 2, New Cyprus 0 – W
Day 6: TB 4, Minas Trith 1 – W
Day 7: TB 1, Lovisa 1 – D
Day 8: Jeruselum 1, TB 1 – D
Day 9: TB 2, Sarzonia 1 – W

Ws: 4
Ds: 3
Ls: 2
Pts: 15

Oh, the humanity...

Oglegate
The Time: World Cup 14
The Place: Amalgamated Stadium, Oglethorpia
The Match: Final; Total n Utter Insanity vs Rejistania

Billy Gatekeeper: Total n Utter Insanity have finally made it to the World Cup Finals after 50 years of playing football at the highest level.

Donny Trumpson: And this match promises so much, Rejis’tania fresh from their victory over the Eauzians look to pick up their second trophy and join the footballing elite of Brazillico and Europa Brittania.

Billy Gatekeeper: Total n Utter Insanity scrapping through the group stage with only 3 points, they then went on to humble the mighty Brazillico 3-0, nudge past Tanah Burung 1-0 and upset Kingsford in extra time to book their place in the final.

Donny Trumpson: Surely the Insanicians are the underdogs here.

Billy Gatekeeper: I’d have to say so

Donny Trumpson: Belless, who scored a hat-trick against Kingsford, is in on the subs bench for the final.

Billy Gatekeeper: You have to wonder if that’s a good idea.

Donny Trumpson: Well we’ll soon find out.

*********END OF FIRST HALF*********

Billy Gatekeeper: Halftime and the Rejis’tanians have hardly been on the attack.

Donny Trumpson: Yeah, that system Kerla works pretty well, if you want a boring 0-0 draw.

Billy Gatekeeper: Isn’t Kerla a country?

Donny Trumpson: Nah, who would name their country something stupid like that.

Billy Gatekeeper: Belless is expected to come on for the second half; hopefully he’ll be able to break the superior defending of the Rejis’tanians.

Donny Trumpson: You know what we need…

Billy Gatekeeper: A pay raise?

Donny Trumpson: No…well yes, but we need a guest, like wot they have on Clem and Gils Radio show.

Billy Gatekeeper: Are Clem and Gil still doing their Radio show?

Donny Trumpson: They are in TnUI, currently they are up to World Cup 8.

Billy Gatekeeper: When did we get radios?

Donny Trumpson: I think we gots dem from Lemmitania, a few years ago.

Billy Gatekeeper: How come you suddenly have an accent?

Donny Trumpson: I just wok up dis way.

Billy Gatekeeper: …

Donny Trumpson: Wot?

Billy Gatekeeper: Have you been taking your medication?

Donny Trumpson: I don’t need no ‘edication

Billy Gatekeeper: Isn’t that a song?

Donny Trumpson: Seems the second half has already started.

Billy Gatekeeper: Where did your accent go?

Donny Trumpson: Oh, it comes and goes.

Billy Gatekeeper: I thought you just said you woke up this way?

Donny Trumpson: I did.

Billy Gatekeeper: …

Donny Trumpson: I’ve got Lanagitis.

Billy Gatekeeper: You made that up, didn’t you.

Donny Trumpson: I did not, it’s a proper disease, it is.

Billy Gatekeeper: Okay then tell me more.

Donny Trumpson: Lanagitis, inflammation of the larynx wot causes the inflicted to annunciate wit' an accent.

Billy Gatekeeper: …

Donny Trumpson: It’s true.

Billy Gatekeeper: I think you have been listening to Gil too much.

Donny Trumpson: Belless is running up field!

Billy Gatekeeper: He’s past one defender…two…three

Donny Trumpson: Four…five…six…seven…eight

Billy Gatekeeper: Only the keeper to beat.

Donny Trumpson: He shoots!

Billy Gatekeeper: He scores!

*********MASSIVE ROAR*********

Donny Trumpson: The Insanicians have the lead in the World Cup Finals!!!!!!!!!!

Billy Gatekeeper: Unbelievable. When the Insanician media called this the crappiest team in 30 years, you just knew it would come back to bite them in the ass.

*********NEARING FULLTIME*********

Donny Trumpson: If the Insanicians can just hold on against the Rejis’tania…well I wouldn’t call it an onslaught.

Billy Gatekeeper: More of a feeble attempt at attacking.

Donny Trumpson: Yeah that’s about right.

Billy Gatekeeper: The ref is looking at his watch.

Donny Trumpson: This could be the last Rejis’tanian attack.

Billy Gatekeeper: Oh, that’s a bad tackle.

Donny Trumpson: Red Card.

Billy Gatekeeper: The Rejis’tanians have a freekick at the edge of the box.

Donny Trumpson: If they can get it past the eight man wall it’ll be something.

Billy Gatekeeper: Blocked!

Donny Trumpson: And there goes the whistle.

Billy Gatekeeper: The Insanicians are World Cup 14 Champions!

Donny Trumpson: I never thought I’d live to see the day…

Oglethorpian Secret Service Agent: Oh don’t worry…you won’t.

End of Part 2

Jeruselem Government News

Group 9 drama ends in tears

Sarzonia missed out on qualifying for a world cup position after losing to Tanah Burung with Lovisa winning to claim top spot in Group 9. Jeruselem finished 1 point behind Sarzonia who faltered in their last two games while Tanah Burung claimed their prize in dramatic fashion.


Region 9 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Lovisa 22 6 4 0 15: 4 11
2. Tanah Burung 18 5 3 2 16: 7 9
3. Sarzonia 16 4 4 2 16:12 4
4. Jeruselem 15 4 3 3 12: 8 4
5. Minas Trith 9 2 3 5 10:15 -5
6. New Cyprus 1 0 1 9 5:28 -23

The Sarzonian national team saw its chances of qualifying for the 16th World Cup squelched as Lovisa shut out the Stars attack 2-0 and Tanah Burung, which came in as the group's top seed, beat New Cyprus 4-0 to clinch the second berth and send the Stars to the Cup of Harmony.

"This was just horrible," Coach Bryan Marshall said. "Everyone in that locker room should be feeling disgusted with themselves right now. We had our chance to advance to the World Cup and we blew it. Plain and simple."

The normally gracious Marshall rejected the suggestion to give Tanah Burung credit for coming back from a near insurmountable deficit to clinch the berth -- and the suggestion the Stars should be proud of their performance.

"They all but conceded the berth to us," Marshall fumed. "There's no way in Hell we're just going to give them credit when we didn't take care of business ourselves. This is going to take a long time to get over."

Goalkeeper Troy Perkins kept his team in most of the matches, but he was to blame on both Lovisan goals, one in the ninth minute when he made a "shocking blunder" in positioning and the Lovisan forward easily finished in the eighth minute.

"That put us behind the eight ball right there," Perkins said, choking back tears. "Then I was frozen on a free kick that I stop nine times out of 10 just six minutes later. That was too much for us to overcome."

"Maybe when we have a chance to look back at things later on, we'll be able to be proud of how far we've come," assistant coach Dave Wilson said. "But for right now, we're all hurting. I don't think we'll get over that until the kickoff at the Cup of Harmony."

*we are somewhere deep in the steamy jungles of tanah burung, nibbling on some cold chicken and sipping some sickly white liquid - we think it may be cocoa nut milk. one of our scouts stumbles into the little clearing we few hooligan refugees now call home. he brings news of utter defeat...*

- Sir?
- Do I look like a sir?
- Er...Ma'am?
- What?
- Um...I found out...see, it's...
- For Pete's sake, man, spit it out!
- Yessum. I'm lookin' for the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages, Ma'am.
- Well, he's indisposed.
- I'll wait, then, I guess.
- He's indisposed to anyone waiting. He's indisposed to anyone, in fact. He is, in fact, completely indisposed. Which is really too bad, because I'd like to dispose of him.
- Er...?
- The deal is, boyo, he sits it the corner of his little hut sucking his thumb all day and mumbling "Woe is me." Maybe I can help you.
- Who are you?
- Who am I?
- Yessum, who are you?
- Margaret.
- Ulp!
- Yes, that Margaret.
- Well, Ma'am, then certainly I can...that is, there's no reason why I shouldn't...see, I have to...
- I will kick you in the shins if you do not simply tell me what it is you have to tell me immediately.
- The Hooligans lost to HypercapitaliZm again, and the Crocs won their last match and qual'fied.

*at that, we hear screams. they're coming from two hammocks slung between a couple of trees over by the hut we have all started to refer to as "the ministry building". as we watch, ben dover falls out of his hammock with a loud "thump", and writhes on the ground. the screaming stops, but we hear a woman moaning from the other hammock.*

- e...vis...cer...ate...ed --- e...vis...cer...ate...ed...

*we are distraught. we sip some more sickly white liquid, and dream of a cold "38 Special"...*

Raptors Miss Again

The Raptors have missed out on the World Cup Finals once again after another close battle. After leading their group in World Cup 15, they lost their last few matches to find themselves in the Cup of Harmony. Again the Raptors have missed out, after needing to win the match against Vilita to qualify, a 2-1 defeat ended their hopes. Back to the Cup of Harmony for us.

Le LIBRE

The final Day means everything

Match Day 10 was not expected to be the surprise that it was. Region 11 was already decided as to who was going to qualify and it just depended on who would be first and who would be second. With both teams playing against easy teams, the assumption was that NEWI would come first and Les Bleus would be second.

Les Bleus came into this final match on a hot streak winning the 6 matches as they looked to improve on that record. Playing at Ebon Hawks, Les Bleus were hoping to improve on the last time these two teams met, leaving Les Bleus a 2 – 1 victory, not the offence they were expecting against a weak team. Fast forward to the 20th minute of play, Les Bleus were on an attack, but were up against a tough Ebon defence. A shot was taken, going off the top bar, but came back into play. An Eauz forward got the ball and kicked it past the keeper. But don’t stop there Eauz says, as they were back on the attack getting the ball back. Another shot was taken, which was tipped over the bar by the Ebon keeper. A free kick was awarded to Les Bleus and they capitalised on it. The free kick was kicked to a team mate who let a shot go just passing the diving Ebon keeper. By the 27th minute of play, Les Bleus were up early by a 2 – 0 lead. For Eauz, it looked to be another shutout victory for them. Another goal was scored during the 40th minute of play, which looked as if Les Bleus would win yet another one. The first half ended at 3 – 0 with very little chance for the home team Hawks.

Queue the comeback! Les Bleus expected the Hawks to just lay down, but playing at home, they had more to show their team than a roll over loss to the #1 ranked team in the world. The first Ebon goal came during the 66th minute of play as they caught Les Bleus off guard after Les Bleus had put on an attack. Two players up against 1 defender as a pass and a shot put the Hawks on the board 3 – 1. This goal provided new spirit to the Hawks as they were looking for more. During the 70th minute of play another goal came against the usual strong Eauz defence, as a defender was unable to clear. An Ebon player picked up the ball and shot the ball deflecting off of a team mate and into the net. The secure score for Les Bleus shortened to a close match. In the end though, Les Bleus improved on their defence with a few substitutions and went on to win the match by a 3 - 2 score.

The scare just before the world cup, made Les Bleus realize that even a weak team can bring down Les Bleus in later stages. With the victory, Les Bleus were expecting to finish 2nd, but found out that NEWI had lost their match against the Avenging Altos, which meant Les Bleus would be first in group 11 with 25 points just sneaking past NEWI. Les Bleus finish the 10 match days and the qualifying round with a record of 8 victories, 1 draw and 1 loss and a Goal Difference of +18. Rousoi and the Eauz defence should be congratulated for their great performance of only giving up 6 goals during the whole qualifying round.


Region 11 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Eauz 25 8 1 1 24: 6 18
2. NEWI Cefn Druids 24 8 0 2 26: 9 17
3. Creedence Clearwater 16 5 1 4 16:13 3
4. Avenging Altos 16 5 1 4 14:17 -3
5. Ebon Hawk 4 1 1 8 9:21 -12
6. Nominaen 3 1 0 9 2:25 -23



Match Day 1: Eauz @ Nominaen W 6 – 0
Match Day 2: Eauz @ NEWI Cefn Druids L 0 – 1
Match Day 3: Creedence Clearwater @ Eauz T 0 – 0
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Avenging Altos W 5 – 2
Match Day 5: Ebon Hawk @ Eauz W 1 – 2

Match Day 6: Nominaen @ Eauz W 0 – 2
Match Day 7: NEWI Cefn Druids @ Eauz W 0 – 2
Match Day 8: Eauz @ Creedence Clearwater W 1 – 0
Match Day 9: Avenging Altos @ Eauz W 0 – 3
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Ebon Hawks W 3 – 2

Qualified

Tigers win match and ticket to World Cup finals

Dushanbe - The Tigers had to play their game against Haperd, Haperd was already out with only 8 points but tried to win the match none the less. Haperd managed to score early in the first half. It came as a shock to the Tadjik players, but Triandafillov remained calm and had his men take the initiative. The Tigers came back in the second half with goals by Cherniakhovskij and Pavlov, who played his first match.

Triandafillov was happy to see his team qualified: "The players had a lesser period at the start of these qualifications but they got back on their feet and brought us to the second place. I must admit, it was much harder then WC15Q. We got through and thats what counts." Triandafillov can now prepare the team for the WC finals and hope they perform as good as they did in their last World Cup.


Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. The Eagles Nest 25 8 1 1 27: 6 21
2. Tadjikistan 20 6 2 2 20:12 8
3. Crystilakere 17 5 2 3 16:14 2
4. Spurland 10 2 4 4 16:23 -7
5. Haperd 8 2 2 6 13:23 -10
6. Loonyvania 3 0 3 7 5:19 -14


Topscorers
1.Cherniakhovskij (5)
2.Suvorov (4)
3.Pliiev (3)
4.Gromov (1)
-.Bagramian (1)
-.Rokossovskij (1)
-.Pavlov (1)

MD1:Spurland - Tadjikistan W 3-4
MD2:Tadjikistan - The Eagle's Nest L 0-3
MD3:Loonyvania - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD4:Tadjikistan - Crystilakere L 0-1
MD5:Haperd - Tadjikistan W 0-5
MD6:Tadjikistan - Spurland W 3-1
MD7:The Eagle's Nest - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD8:Tadjikistan - Loonyvania W 1-0
MD9:Crystilakere - Tadjikistan D 2-2
MD10:Tadjikistan - Haperd W 2-1

...the label on a peach...?...

Well how the hell else are we supposed to tell them apart.

Besides, rice paper and caramel adhesive. Breakfast of champions that.

smidgen of history? anyone?


World Cup 4
Qualifying
W4-2 Enelando
L1-2 Alhana Catherine
W3-2 Dyelibeybi
L1-2 Lemmitania
W3-1 Divine Llama
L0-1 Lunatic Goofballs

Finals
D3-3 Kingsford
W2-1 Jurrasica
D1-1 Europa Brittania
D1-1 Lemmitania (D1-1AET L2-3PEN)

P W D L F A
10 4 2 4 19 16

World Cup 5
Qualifiers
L0-4 Squornshelous
L0-3 One Red Dot
L0-1 Hendland
W4-0 Halfassedstates
W3-2 Caras Sidh
W2-1 Dark Outcasts
D1-1 Christofi
L1-2 Moyk

P W D L F A
8 3 1 4 11 14

World Cup 6
Qualifying
W2-0 Great White Sharks
D3-3 _AMP
W4-3 Porvoo
W4-1 Jay Cutter
W3-2 Cobra Cult
W6-0 Iuthia
D1-1 Starving Children
W2-1 Great White Sharks
D1-1 _AMP
W1-0 Porvoo
L2-3 Jay Cutter
D1-1 Cobra Cult
W2-0 Iuthia
L2-3 Starving Children

Finals
L0-3 Spaam
D1-1 Lemmitania
W2-1 Cobra Cult

P W D L F A
17 9 5 3 37 24

World Cup VII
Finals
L3-4 Malundar
W3-1 Liverpool England
W1-0 Kingsford
D2-2 Errinundera (L2-4AET)

P W D L F A
4 2 0 2 9 9

World Cup VIII
Qualifiers
W4-0 Sycoes
L1-2 Black Eagle Corps.
W2-1 Voyger
W2-0 Demonic Beings
D1-1 Quohog
D1-1 Sycoes
D0-0 Black Eagle Corps
D2-2 Voyger
D0-0 Demonic Beings
D1-1 Quohog

Finals
L1-2 Halfassedstates
L2-3 The Belmore Family
W3-1 Bullonien

P W D L F A
13 4 6 3 20 14

World Cup IX
Qualifiers
W2-0 Clearwater
L0-2 Lanky Dude
D1-1 Sensual Products
L0-1 East Spaam
D0-0 Timway
L0-1 Aquilla
W2-0 Spaam
W3-1 Clearwater
W3-1 Lanky Dude
W1-0 Sensual Products
W2-0 East Spaam
W3-2 Timway
D0-0 Aquilla
L0-1 Spaam

Finals
L1-2 The Belmore Family
D1-1 Oglethorpia
W1-0 Nikea

P W D L F A
17 8 4 5 20 13

World Cup 10
Qualifiers
W2-1 Svecia
W3-0 Dauragons
L1-2 Zinkoland
W3-0 Citta Acqua
L1-2 Dragonian Empire
W2-0 Davii
L0-1 Clearwater
W3-1 Ravenspire
W1-0 Svecia
W3-0 Dauragons
L2-3 Zinkoland
W2-0 Citta Acqua
W2-1 Dragonian Empire
W3-1 Davii
L0-1 Clearwater
D1-1 Ravenspire

Finals
L1-2 Lemmitania
W1-0 Total 'n Utter Insanity
W3-0 Commerce Heights
L0-1 Kingsford

P W D L F A
20 12 1 7 34 17

World Cup 11
Qualifiers
D0-0 Oddslavo
W1-0 Mattigool
W3-0 Lynnwoode
W2-0 Artemsia Absentia
W2-0 Ice Reavers
L0-2 Aquilla
W2-0 Big Butts
D0-0 Oddslavo
W4-1 Mattigool
W2-1 Lynnwoode
W2-0 Artemsia Absentia
W4-0 Ice Reavers
D1-1 Aquilla
D1-1 Big Butts

Finals
W1-0 Total n Utter Insanity
W3-2 Runaway Moose
W1-0 Kerla
L0-1 Europa Brittania

P W D L F A
18 12 4 2 29 9

World Cup XII
Qualifying
W2-1 EL CID THE HERO
D1-1 Iansisle
W4-0 Abysmalistan
L0-1 East Spaam
W4-2 James A Hollar
L1-2 Eaglet
W5-2 Gaddland
D2-2 EL CID THE HERO
W1-0 Iansisle
W2-0 Abysmalistan
L1-2 East Spaam
W1-0 James A Hollar
D0-0 Eaglet
D2-2 Gaddland

Finals
W2-1 NASTIC 2
L0-3 Oglethorpia
W3-1 Gesamkuntswerk
W2-1 Europa Brittania
W5-4 Squornshelous
W4-3 Commerce Heights
L1-2 Rejistania

P W D L F A
21 12 4 5 43 30

World Cup 13
Qualifiers
W2-0 Magnus Valerius
W2-0 Avenging Altos
W1-0 Free Radicals of Mu-Mu
L0-2 NEWI Cefn Druids
W4-0 Fahigland
L1-3 Bedistan
W2-0 Iansisle
W2-0 Dennisov
W3-0 Resistencia
W4-0 Magnus Valerius
W1-0 Avenging Altos
W1-0 Free Radicals of Mu-Mu
W4-1 NEWI Cefn Druids
D0-0 Fahigland
W1-0 Bedistan
D0-0 Iansisle
W1-0 Dennisov
W3-0 Resistencia

Finals
W2-0 Kerla
D1-1 Liverpool England
D0-0 Sliponia
L1-2 Spaam

P W D L F A
22 14 5 3 36 9

World Cup 14
Qualifying
W2-0 New Luca
D1-1 The Eagles Nest
L0-3 Total n Utter Insanity
D2-2 East Spaam
W2-1 Grand Master Mark
W3-1 New Montreal States
W1-0 Presgreif
W1-0 Larkinia
W2-0 Kendelstand

W3-1 New Luca
L0-2 The Eagles Nest
W2-1 Total 'n Utter Insanity
D1-1 East Spaam
W2-1 Grand Master Mark
W2-0 New Montreal States
W4-2 Presgrief
W2-1 Larkinia
W2-1 Kendelstand

Finals
W2-0 Kerla
L0-3 Brazillico
W1-0 Kaze Progressa
L0-1 Eauz

P W D L F A
22 15 3 4 35 22

World Cup 15
Qualifiers
W1-0 Isles of Wohlstand
L0-1 Commerce Heights
L0-1 Jerusalem
W1-0 Creedence Clearwater
W3-0 Raptor Claw
W3-0 Ineptia
W3-0 Kipto Mare
W3-0 Boscioto
W2-0 Sportonia

W1-0 Isles of Wohlstand
D1-1 Commerce Heights
W2-0 Jerusalem
W4-1 Creedence Clearwater
W2-1 Raptor Claw
W3-1 Ineptia
W2-0 Kipto Mare
W1-0 Boscioto
W2-0 Sportonia

Finals
D2-2 Kingsford
L0-2 Lovisa
W2-1 Aquilla

P W D L F A
21 16 2 3 38 11

World Cup 16
Qualifiers
W6-0 Adrasuvare
W3-2 Vilita
W2-1 Raptor Claw
W3-1 Redavic Union
D2-2 Hazlia
W4-1 Adrasuvare
W2-0 Vilita
D3-3 Raptor Claw
W1-0 The Redavic Union
W4-0 Adrasuvare

P W D L F A
10 8 2 0 30 10


Audioslavia's all-time record
P W D L F A
193 117 39 45 351 162

Audioslavia have played one hundred and ninety-three games in the period of forty-nine(ish) years.

1 of these games has been a World Cup final
8 of these games have been played against teams from United Spaam, of these games just
2 have been won by Audioslavia
5 games have been played against Aquilla's nations.
0 of these games against Aquilla have ended in a 'slave victory
24 of Audioslavia's matches have resulted in a win of three or more goals
7 have ended in wins of four or more, and
2 have been won by more, namely the 6-0 win over Iuthia in WC6, and the 6-0 win over Adrasuvare in WC16. Its safe to assume that Audioslavia will only kick butt once every
40 years.
5 of Audioslavia's matches have resulted in a three-nil butt-whupping, against One Red Dot in WC5, Spaam in WC6, Oglethorpia in WC12, TnUI in WC14, and Brazillico in WC15.
1 of the 'slaves games has resulted in an even heavier defeat, being leathered 4-0 in the opening game of World Cup 5's qualifiers. The team that beat them was a little-known newb in their first world cup called 'Squornshelous'
4 games have been played against Lemmitania with none of them resulting in a win for the 'slaves, nor will they ever.

Some other, non-numerical facts about Audioslavia
FACT: Audioslavia's sixteen-year berth in the top ten rankings was sheer luck. Audioslavia abysmally failed to get past the second round in World Cup 11, but due to hefty news coverage by the Audioslavian media, a slightly exciteable WCC RP bonus, and three lucky wins in qualifying, Audioslavia made the jump from mid-rank no-hopers to fourth-seeds. They never looked back since, for fear of turning to stone and/or being found out and sucked back into the 'Vilitan Void' of underperforming inoffensive obscurity.

FACT: Audioslavia have never had a decent player since De La Rocha and Chris Cornell wore the colours in World Cup 4, despite numerous claims that Lambert Methol, Iwan Riot, Wayne Bury, Aaron O`Malley, Xavier, Carsten Rossler and Danny Bracken are any good. Jonny Willow was also shit, but dont tell that to Alan City's chairman, who forked out £25M for the bag of zombified wank.

FACT: In keeping with the theme of father/son great/shit (Johan/Jordi Cruyff, Kenny/Paul Dalglish, Ian/Sean Wright), Mocha De La Rocha is awful, and is rumoured to only be on the team so the manager can make crappy jokes about Mocha being 'Laté' for training.

FACT: Snub Nose 38's football team, in keeping with all evidence, is dire

FACT: Audioslavia's match reports havent been funny or interesting for twenty years.

FACT: Despite some half-hearted denials, the phrase 'War On Errorism' was not created by Audioslavia's head of F.A., it was created by NOFX.

this concludes our.... say bob, what are we doing here?

Old Guard Retire as Starblaydia Move into Cup of Harmony
A host of Blades over-30s call time on international careers

http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/SportsMinistryLo.jpg

With the final score at 2-2, Starblaydia had not managed to give Cockbill Street the unlikey five goals that would be needed for the Street to progress. In fact, Starblaydia have never condeded five goals in any tournament, though four have been put past them against Europa Britannia in the 3rd Under-21 World Cup, and Regional Rivals Crystialkere also put four past Starblaydia last time in the Cup of Harmony.

Starblaydia will be going to their second successive Cup of Harmony after failing to qualify in this second World Cup campaign, losing out to World Champions Commerce Heights and group over-acheivers Iansisle.

As the match against the Street kicked off, there were large numbers of non-Starblaydi fans in the classic Starblaydi white-and-purple, calling themselves 'Boyars'. They appeared to be from the nation of Magnus Valerius, who had obviously decided to come and watch far more exciting football than their nation has been producing in Group 2.

Starblaydia scored first as young Goalie Jonathan Havell, the third-choice Street goalie, attempted an out-of-area clearance. As the twentyone year-old half-kicked, half-slid to clear the ball, crafty veteran Fabricio de Souza Lima skilfully stole the ball from off his bootlaces and sauntered towards the goal and slotted the ball into the empty net. The Street, who started off going for the five-goal difference they needed to qualify, were immediately disheartened by this concession, and settled into a normal style of play.

Street striker Alec Peterson brought the sides level, as Cockbill Street were no longer trying for six-one, they were just playing their normal game which, on paper, is better than Starblaydia's. It seemed that the teams were in fact playing on paper when subsititue Steinari Einarsson replaced Johnny Howard at half-time and promptly put the Street 2-1 up just before the hour.

Cockbill Street looked to be missing Qualification on just goal difference, until Simeone Di Bradini made them miss out on points to, his well-taken goal four minutes before the final whistle stealing two points from the Street's grasp.

Final Score:
Cockbill Street 2 - 2 Starblaydia
(Peterson 32, S Einarsson 57) - (de Souza Lima 17, Di Bradini 86)

International retirements announced

This match signals the end of international dreams for many of Starblaydia's older players.

Goalkeeper Boaz Myhill, 35, is Starblaydia's record International Cap-holder, having also kept more clean sheets for his nation than any other 'keeper, as well as appearing in five separate tournaments for his country, more than any other player. Though still included in the squad for the Atlantian Oceania Cup of Association Football, it is likely that Boaz will not stand between the sticks for his country again.

Ryan Garry, 34, has stepped down as both Captain and player for Starblaydia. He had made it clear that this was his last hurrah on the international stage and will see out the remainder of his playing days as club captain of Vecchio Victors, the only professional club he has ever played for, a true Starblaydi hero. He has said this retirement will happen before the Cup of Harmony, giving both the new captain and the player to fill his position (widely believed to be Rastian Salaam ahead of Vladimir Tsarev) time to bed down into their roles.

Internashionale's Matthew Kilgallon, 34, is also calling it a day as the influx of much younger centre-backs have overtaken him. Club teammate Fabricio de Souza Lima, 31, has asked to be taken out of the picture for any future tournaments unless desperately needed. He says that his body cannot keep up with both national and international games, so has taken semi-retirement to keep on playing at club level.

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

MENDEL THE LIFESAVER
Late goal by unlikely hero leaves Svecia in 1st

Svecia 1 Oaker 1

VILÄMNA, Svecia - Sorry Melmond. We're lucky that WE got out alive. And so much for that winning streak against Oaker.

Yes, it is obvious that the Oaker side of this World Cup is drastically changed from the Oaker side that the Lightning defeated three times in the Cup of Harmony. And to almost lose at home. Shame, shame.

The atmosphere in Vilämna was electric as the two sides took the field at 17:00 local time for the final match of World Cup qualifying. A win or draw by Svecia would leave them in first; a loss would mean second place.

The sold out crowd of 70.000 in bright orange, and the estimated 100.000 orange clad fans in Huvudstad Park and outside the stadium made a strange orange glow in the night sky that was reported to be seen from a couple kilometers away.

But the overwhealming support for the Lightning seemed to do no good as the Oaker forwards tore up the defense. Already by the 20th minute, Oaker had had 5 shots on goal, with Svecia coming up empty.

And of course that kind of pressure has to win out at some point. And of course it did. In the 32nd minute Oaker brought the ball down the left flank before chipping it back to the top corner of the area. Another forward headed the ball toward the center of the area for a wide open Flash Oaker, whose blistering shot left no chance for a stranded Piet van Meer.

Halftime left the crowd stunned and silent as the last play of the half was an almost goal for Oaker. A corner kick caused van Meer to lunge out to punch the ball away but was leveled by an unlucky Karl Mayha who also went for the ball. But a wide open goal was wasted as the ball skidded centimeters to the outside of the post.

The second half was only marginally better as the Lightning at least managed a few more shots on goal. However, the unlikliest player of them all to score, the midfielder Jochim Mendel, who has played in 46 games and had yet to score a goal, came through in the 84th minute with a towering header over the outstreched hands of the Oaker keeper that brought the crowd to its feet for the rest of the game.

As the clock wound down into the final minute of play, the crowd chanted 'Vilita! Vilita!' in honor of the Vilita newspaper that predicted Svecia would come in fourth place in the group. Behind Oaker.

Svecia was awash in orange and beer last night as the celebrations went on well into the morning, and then continued as the people who went to sleep after the game woke up.

Svecian fans are ecstatic as the Lightning return to the World Cup finals after a dissappointing finish in World Cup 15 qualifying.

Oaker Sharks

Stadium: Pinealla International Stadium

Roster:

Martin Oaker (GK), Carrin Oaker (GK), Stef Oaker (D), Gray Oaker (D), Todd Oaker (D), Lenny Oaker (D), Tabby Oaker (D), Scott Oaker (M) Freddy Oaker (M), Sport Oaker (M), Venus Oaker (M), Arthin Oaker (M), Kelvin Oaker (M), Vincey Oaker (M), Flash Oaker (F), Tip Oaker (F), Cats Oaker (F), Pond Oaker (F)


SHARKS THROUGH TO THE WORLD CUP FINALS.

Oaker 1 Svecia 1


Flash Oakers 32nd Minute goal was enough to send the Sharks to the World Cup Finals, despite Svecia's late equalizer that prevented Oaker from finishing first in the group. Flash's goalscoring streak was ended with the 0-0 draw at Hypercapitalizm, but has ended qualifying with a remarkable 11 goals.

The Sharks would not even need the point, as Melmond once again underperformed against Cirdanistan with a miserable 1-1 draw sending them back to the Cup of Harmony.

Headlines

Sales of Flash Oaker's #17 uniform have unfortunately stopped, however, orders from Halfassedstates, The Lowland Clans, Kingsford, One Red Dot, Sarzonia, Iansisle, and Oglethorpia will be fulfilled.

The Real-Life Flash Oaker is still competing on the new local reality show "Oaker Stars take a Bath" where local celebrities are all thrown naked into a hot tub, and longer they last in the tub, the more objects will be thrown into the tub, from flying fish to purple skin die, which does not wash off, but does wear off after approximately 5 weeks of natural exposure. The last celebrity in the tub wins Ox/10.000.000 for a charity of their choice.

To be updated...

The Sixth Star to exit the tub was Sports analyst and known Snub Nose 38 fan Harmony Oaker. Harmony stayed in the race while clinging to the barely there hope of the Snub Nose 38 team regrouping and returning to the world cup finals, but could not bear to be seen on National TV as the Snub Nose team once again failed to beat Oaker. The best team doesnt always win...

Baseball Star Plawithmaself-Andonothing Oaker was the Fifth Star to exit the tub. Pla-An was apparently too bothered by actually doing something that had purpose or even some excitement and could no longer hold himself inside the tub, forcing himself so go watch some paint dry on the next set. Can't wait for the next Bawl Game...

Fashion Model Imaditz Oaker was the Fourth Star to exit the tub. In a very simple case, Imaditz went to rub her face with her hand when she noticed her fingers had started to wrinkle. A loud scream could be heard around the globe before Imaditz fainted and had to be removed from the tub to prevent her death. Maybe they should have just kept her in there...

Race Car Driver Vroomz Oaker was the third to exit the show. Vroomz, who makes his living driving at speeds in upwards of 400m/s in the new OaKar Series, was apparently more interested in playing with one of the lighting guys kids who had a remote control vehicle that did flips and climbed rocks. Hey, at least he was playing with a kid...

Beethovia Oaker was the second star to exit after the Oakerap star apparently saw a "*$*&^$ West *&%@*& Coast *&^*!& *&%^*&%@ Man *&%*@&%* *@&%*@ *&%@*^% *&%*@*&% (*%@*@&@ Dammmmn" and hopped out of the tub to chase him. So much for improving your image.

Bulzyit Oaker, the Newscaster from Channel 0 was the first to exit after apparantly overhearing some hot gossip betwen two actresses and did not care enough about the charity to stay and win money for them, but just wanted to produce a news story. stupid reporters.




Thats all from Oaker today, tune in during the finals when we resume our stories!

"Coach Adams...what happened out there?"

"We lost 2-1"

"But Coach...you lost"

"Coach Aefnen always told me if you are already qualified and the last game doesn't matter, don't play to hurt yourself. Horace got an easy goal, and really we knew we could beat them if we wanted to but we didn't need to. We decided to rest everyone we could for the finals....you know, the games that counted."

"But Coach....you lost"

"Sigh. Look, it's ok we will be just fine. Now we just wait to go into the finals draw. Besides, we won our Region...what more can you want from me right now"

"But Coach, you"

"Next question...and get someone to explain to this new reporter about repeating himself."

(Spurland 2- TEN 1)

Shock Win For Spurland
Spurland 2- TEN 1

2-1. Minutes after the final whistle a record ammount of alcohol was sold in the Beer Republic of Spurland. Everybody wanted to celebrate this historic victory over one of the best sides in the world.

All taxes on alcohol were removed to celebrate this win, but is likely to be reimposed in the coming days. Just to prevent any mishaps, the government banned all cars from taking to the roads for 24 hours. Public transport services were stepped up.

Robert Yeats scored both goals for Spurland, coming each side of the half. Horace scored TEN's only goal just minutes into the game, and the home crowd went silent, expecting a drubbing like the meeting between the teams earlier in the tournament which ended in a 5-0 for Spurland. Reserve goalkeeper, Robbie Hutch, put in an amazing performance after replacing the first choice keeper earlier in the campaign.

Manager Sid Morzaria was extremely pleased with the result to say the least.

"I never sknew we had this in them. Cup of Harmond, we will be with you. Now letsh all get drink!" said Morzaria after apparently drinking a large number of beers right after the game.

His job was under threat before the game but this victory dispelled any of those dangers.

Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. The Eagles Nest 25 8 1 1 27: 6 21
2. Tadjikistan 20 6 2 2 20:12 8
3. Crystilakere 17 5 2 3 16:14 2
4. Spurland 10 2 4 4 16:23 -7
5. Haperd 8 2 2 6 13:23 -10
6. Loonyvania 3 0 3 7 5:19 -14

Fixtures/Results:
Matchday 1:
Spurland v Tadjikistan L 3-4
Matchday 2:
Crystilakere v Spurland D 1-1
Matchday 3:
Spurland v Haperd L 2-4
Matchday 4:
Spurland v Loonyvania D 2-2
Matchday 5:
The Eagles Nest v Spurland L 5-0
Matchday 6:
Tadjikistan v Spurland L 3-1
Matchday 7:
Spurland v Crystilakere W 3-1
Matchday 8:
Haperd v Spurland D 1-1
Matchday 9:
Loonyvania v Spurland D 1-1
Matchday 10:
Spurland v The Eagles Nest W 2-1

1 of the 'slaves games has resulted in an even heavier defeat, being leathered 4-0 in the opening game of World Cup 5's qualifiers. The team that beat them was a little-known newb in their first world cup called 'Squornshelous'
:D
I grin every time I see that stat.

When you look back at it, that group produced some pretty good teams:

Audioslavia
Squornshelous
Halfassedstates
One Red Dot

Squornshelous Qualified by Forfeit

Due to their withdrawl from the tournament, The Water Loser forfeited their game against Squornshelous. Therefore there is nothing to RP.

We anxiously await the announcement of the groups for the first round, so that we may make faulty predictions that won't come true.

An interesting fact:
Many world cup regulars have failed to qualify for this cup. THese teams include:

Giant Zucchini
The Belmore Family
Bedistan
Aquilla
One Red Dot
Halfassedstates
Dennisov
Snub Nose 38
Liverpool England

Im intrested in form my national team to play
How can i join in?
Joao from porto calus

Im intrested in form my national team to play
How can i join in?
Joao from porto calus

Unfourtunately, this tournament is already started, however you can enter the next one at:

WC17 Signup (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=342231)

Please be sure to read the instructions on how to enter. Hope to see you there!

DAILY CROCODILE

In retrospect, the do-or-die win against Sarzonia was where things changed. Tanah Burung's nameless players were already packing their bags for the Cup of Harmony (Veterans Edition) after a disappointing season, coached by a nun with a bad case of dental decay.

Then a new coach stepped in. With Modesto Ruak Ruak, the newest National Hero of the Revolution (Sporting Division with Clusters), at the helm, the Crocodiles clawed their way back into contention with a 2-0 win. "Mark my words," Ruak Ruak said. "Sarzonia is going to be an elite side sooner than anyone thinks." He refused to answer any questions on whether he might soon post a team roster.

The last day was the clincher, but looking back, maybe easy to predict. Sarzonia had to face group leaders Lovisa. The Crocs were up against New Cyprus, who they were expected to beat easily. But they made no mistake, pilign up a 4-0 victory to go through to the Cup on a high note. A very high note indeed, judging by some of the fans lining up at the herbal-ecstasy stands.

Bi Kikere, the former goalkeeper and coach who as people's representative for territorial defence and sports is in charge of preparing the nation's defence against an impending invasion by the Beclogged Armies of Knootoss, took a moment out of her busy schedule to meet the press.

"It was a close call, but i never doubted," she said with a smile. "Now if you'll excuse me, i'm getting reports of a tiny terrorist cell of chicken-disembowellers on ther loose in the Burung Paradis jungles. They're too close to Brazillico, and i'm afraid they may be a threat to the smooth functioning of the Word Cup. in the intersts of good neighbourliness, we shall hunt them down and ev- ... escort them off the continent."

The old woman left, rubbing her hands together, cackling, and humming something that sounded like M, M, M, Marg....

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
In Mourning

ANOTHER AWFUL SEASON
Why? The team is good enough...

Two Cups of Harmony. That's all Cockbill Street have achieved in their history - and, to be frank, Cups of Harmony are just for teams that are so awful that they tend to lose over half the matches (for example, the Druids, although they are actually better than us now, Starblaydia, Iansisle...no, wait, they're better than us too...Melmond, then!)

Anyway, a disappointing 2-2 draw in front of 130,000 Streetian supporters in the Vimesbairn National against Starblaydia, now sees Cockbill Street compete in their fifth Cup of Harmony to date. It's one they aim to win, and with their new keeper, Jonathan Havell, who has just transferred to Vilitan club Colonial Sike, it is quite possible that this goal will be reached (even though Havell was awful against Starblaydia, it's been nothing like Roberts' faults).

However, the right-wing problem must be solved. Currently, Sodium-alginate plays there, and his creative and offensive powers would be roughly equal to the differential of infinity. Tom Chapman has been tried, and failed abysmally, and there looks to be no new talent in the Compound League. However, there are rumours that Stein Hammerhock, a 23-year-old from Lin'du'goor K'druz'ba in the D'gaiz'nigh B'zugda'hiara, is going to be called up. He has scored 19 goals in 28 games for Lin'du'goor, and is their top scorer, along with the fact that he is rumoured to have an amazing right foot for free-kicks and an Axewielder-esque talent for finding spaces. We can only hope for better times - we've said it a lot of times, but it surely can't be worse...

I grin every time I see that stat.



You would, wouldn't you?

It was Squornshelous, or as called in Kingsford, "Stupidheads", that knocked Kingsford out 4-0 in TnUI and WW's cup. But that's because they played the match posthumously to the Kingsford National, which had been killed by the grim crossdressing Officer Butkis.

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini FA have announced they will not be participating in any World Cup ending with the number 6. They have also noted they may amend the clause to include any World Cup containing the number 6. However, they have stated that if the name was changed to WCXXVI, WCXXXVI, etc., they may consider entering.

The FA have used such drastic measures to counter the dismal form of the team in World Cup 6 AND World Cup 16. The Zucchinis have failed to enter the World Cup proper only in these 2 campaigns, and the FA is looking to stamp this scourge out.

FACT: Snub Nose 38's football team, in keeping with all evidence, is dire

this concludes our.... say bob, what are we doing here?

Ministerial Decree, Ministry of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Information, and Band Aids
note - Processed by The Snub Nose 38 Bureau of Censorship, Black Xs, and It's None of Your XXXX Business

Posted from XXXXXXX

The Ministry notes that the Audioslavian National Football side, in it's long, illustrious, and XXXXXXXX history, has never played a match against the national side of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38, those XXXXX Hooligans. Odd, that.

Be that as it may, the Minister, writing from XXXXXXXXX, insists that the XXXXXX Audioslavian XXXXXX, who can XXXXXXXXXXXXX, have some nerve maligning the good name of the XXXXXXXXX Hooligans.

Although, frankly, the Audioslavian assessment seems sadly right on target...

OOC: Just want to interupt the flow of WC16 for a moment to say "Thank you" to TnUI for stepping in and keeping the WC running with Rejis in the mysterious absence of Braz.

THANKS!!

;)

OOC: Just want to interupt the flow of WC16 for a moment to say "Thank you" to TnUI for stepping in and keeping the WC running with Rejis in the mysterious absence of Braz.

THANKS!!

;)

OOC: ty

I had the spare time and java isn't all that bad [altho the same can't be said for Braz CoH Formula] I'm playing around with the U21 formula trying to get it working well. Expect U21 to start after the Finals.

Turnia City Tribune

Associated Press
Max Riodondo

World Cup 16 Qualifiers Report

Turnia Advances???!!!! Currently Record 6-1-3 +8GD

My dear readers, I sit before my laptop wondering if this is a dream. Have we advanced? Based on goal differencial, I think yes! But we must wait for all the tie-breaks to washout. Myself, as I am sure all of you Turnians, are one-step from a heart attack. If not, then you must be DEAD! Or... maybe it is just me, who knows.

The tie break system has been controversial in past cups, therefore I have beside me Extra-Strength Tylonol, NyQuil, Supersized bottle of Pepto, and various bottles of alcoholic beverages. Yes Turnia, I am nervous. This will either turn out to be one of the most joyous occations in National Team history, or a knife through the heart after being so close.

Either way, a bloody good showing Dragons! Advance or no, you have made us all proud... if not schitzophrenic!

I am Riodondo and you're not......

OOC- Sorry, I was logged in as my puppet when I posted earlier as Turnisia. Woops.

Burung Paradis Jungle, near the Tanah Burung-Brazillico border

A small group of anti-terror fighters is combing the rain forest, searching. they should really be on border defence duty, but this mission comes on special orders.

"Snub-nosed sorcerers to be searched out, sent home." So the orders, signed by the highest authorities in the land, read. So the men combed the jungle, following the enttrails and remanants of the last Hooligan campfire.

They saw a man, then suddenly he wasn't there.

This could be a very long hunt indeed.

There was a border marker, overgrown with vines. Neglected. There, across the border, the overgrown wrecks of road-building machinery.

"We could cross it, just like that. Looks like no one's home."

"Best not. Those Brazillicans might just be sleeping."

"Hey look, there's someone!"

But when they turned towards the figure, he had vanished.

They tried a chant.

Snub Nose, Snub Nose
Thirty-Eight
Snub Nosed voodoo's not so great
Now who's gonna ... Eviscerate?

From the condensed online version of The Bedistan Sports Digest:

By the Hair of Our Chinny Chin Chin
A single goal makes the difference for qualification

Halfassedstates 1 - 2 Ineptia
Anitram 0 - 2 Bedistan

Nobody expected the Hurricanes to lose at home to Ineptia, but there's been a lot of unexpected stuff in Qualifying Group 4. The win secured Ineptia's berth in the Cup and sent Halfassed plunging headlong into a three-way battle with Bedistan and Aquilla for the second position. All three teams had nineteen points, but Aquilla would fall short of the others with a goal difference of +9 after their 2-0 win over ASSKICKEN. Since Halfassed lost by 1 and Bedistan won by 2, those two teams now had identical points AND goal differences (19 and +11 respectively). What saw the Lions into the World Cup proper was a single goal: Bedistan had scored a total of 23 goals in their qualifying campaign to Halfassedstates' 22, making one of the closest qualification races in NationStates history.

"Qualifying was unusually tough this year," said manager Brandon Barton. "Hopefully we're over that now and can have a slightly easier road into the knockout stages."

The group draws are expected to be announced in the next few months.

*we are hunkered down amidst some sort of rusty old machinery, overgrown and under-used. the scouts have warned of approaching tanah burung forces. between the calls of a few raucaus macaws we can hear each other breathing. and the sounds of a troop of men moving methodically through the jungle.*

- Margaret, my leg is cramping.
- Sh! Be quiet - they'll hear you.
- But...
- Do shut up, or I shall do you a harm.
- Rude. Always rude.
- Oh, no - there's Jack!
- Where, Margaret.
- Just over the border, at the foot of that banyan tree, Eileen.
- The patrol is - there, breaking through the undergrowth!
- They've seen him! Er...no, I guess not.
- Where did he go?
- Look there - just by the border marker.
- How did he get there?
- They're going to see him!
- Blast!
- The one just behind the leader's seen him!
- No...no...in fact, he's gone again.
- No, I'm right here.
- Gack! You must stop doing that, Jack.
- Sorry. Say, are they singing?

*we listen carefully...*

Snub Nose, Snub Nose
Thirty-Eight
Snub Nosed voodoo's not so great
Now who's gonna ... Eviscerate?

- Why, I oughta...
- Calm down, Margaret. That's just what they want.
- I'll show 'em "eviscerate"!
- Grab her!

*a quiet little struggle, that lasts only a moment, as margaret regains her composure. she removes the chicken ben had stuffed in her mouth.*

- Do you think they'll cross the border, Ben?
- Don't think so, Margaret. They want us, sure, but they want to avoid any trouble with Brazillico just a little more.
- Why does this place seem so...deserted?
- Dunno, Eileen.
- Now my other leg is cramping, Margaret. I have to stretch it out.
- If you do, bozo, it's gonna be the last stretch you ever stretch.
- Leggo! Blast it, you are the rudest thing!
- Margaret...they're moving on. I think we're gonna be ok.
- In this flippin', stinkin', rotten, overgrown, wet, miserable excuse for a countryside?

*with the tanah burung patrol moving deeper into the jungle on their side of the border, we breathe a sigh of relief, and prepare to move deeper into the jungle on this side of the border. that was close!*

Phone call received by Cefn-Mawr Regional Police Force by Sgt. Trevor Tuck...

Caller: "I'd like you to make an arrest, please."

Sgt. Trevor Tuck: "Why? What have they done?"

Caller: "Well, I'm not exactly sure"

Sgt. TT: "We can't just go around arresting people for no reason. Why should I arrest him?"

Caller: "Well, I've just seen a notice telling me he's wanted."

Sgt. TT: "Who?"

Caller: "Bill Posters."

Sgt. TT: "The international footballer?"

Caller: "There's an international footballer called Bill Posters?"

Sgt TT: "Yup. Don't think he's done anything."

Caller: "Well I'm in front of an empty store in the centre of Cefn City, only unlike the other empty stores that are covered in advertising, this one is untouched except for two notices on the inside saying "BILL POSTERS WILL BE PROSECUTED". Maybe he broke into the shop, that's why it's empty."

Sgt TT: "OK madam, then we shall get Mr Posters in for questioning. Thank you for your help, good day."

The Red Dot Informant
Kahi’d Diat Xhishbua – 红点日报 – 赤い点新聞

One point. That made the difference between qualification or nothing.

The Wolves did their best, defeating Tasty Toast 2-0. But it wasn't enough. All Mattigool needed to do was that single draw with Larkinia to proceed with Larkinia to the Cup. That concludes ORD's WC16 campaign. The only other time that ORD didn't also qualify was WC12.

Head Coach Christopher Gwee said at a post match press conference, "I'm quite proud of my boys - they did as well as they could, and when they stumbled, they climbed back up. They gave their ‘109 and a half %’, but it looks like wasn't enough."

Region 5 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Larkinia 19 5 4 1 17: 6 11
2. Mattigool 18 5 3 2 10: 8 2
3. One Red Dot 17 5 2 3 16: 9 7
4. Kerla 13 3 4 3 14:11 3
5. Tasty Toast 11 3 2 5 7:14 -7
6. Zangara 4 1 1 8 4:20 -16

In regional news, Giant Zucchini also failed to make the Cup.

ORD will be participating in WC17.

ORD WC Stats by aSWORD (Association of the Sports World of ORD)

WC WC10 WC11 WC12 WC13 WC14 WC15 WC16 WC17
Matches 7 17 14 21 22 21 10 0

W 4 10 8 12 16 12 5 0
D 1 6 4 3 4 4 2 0
L 2 1 2 6 2 5 3 0

GF 14 29 27 27 45 41 16 0
Av. GF 2.00 1.71 1.93 1.29 2.05 1.95 1.6 0
GA 11 7 11 12 19 26 9 0
Av. GA 1.57 0.41 0.79 0.57 0.82 1.24 0.9 0
GD +3 +22 +16 +15 +26 +15 +7 0
Av. GD +0.43 +1.29 +1.14 +0.89 +1.18 +0.71 2.5 0

ACCUMULATED STATISTICS
Matches 86 103 117 138 160 181 191 191

W 44 54 62 74 90 102 107 107
D 18 24 28 31 35 39 41 41
L 24 25 27 33 35 40 43 43

GF 148 177 204 231 276 317 333 333
Av. GF 1.72 1.72 1.74 1.67 1.73 1.75 1.74 1.74
GA 100 107 118 130 149 175 184 184
Av. GA 1.16 1.04 1.01 0.94 0.93 0.97 0.96 0.96
GD +48 +70 +86 +101 +127 +142 +149 +149
Av. GD +0.58 +0.68 +0.74 0.73 0.79 +0.78 +0.78 +0.78

RANK
Av. Opp. 16.86 26.00 39.67 28.57 30.11 36.38 57.30 0
Highest Opp. 1 4 15 5 2 8 21 0
Lowest Opp. 50 50 74 53 71 115 90 0

Pre-Cup 29 20 11 28 29 22 17 0
Standardised 0.71 -0.29 -0.93 -0.03 -0.05 -0.20 -1.02 0

World Cup 4-9 statistics have been truncated to accommodate newer records.
*Rounding-ups/downs may cause calculative errors in the table.

Caller: "Well I'm in front of an empty store in the centre of Cefn City, only unlike the other empty stores that are covered in advertising, this one is untouched except for two notices on the inside saying "BILL POSTERS WILL BE PROSECUTED". Maybe he broke into the shop, that's why it's empty."


lol, you fill me with love you funny welsh bastard you :)

From the condensed online version of The Bedistan Sports Digest:

By the Hair of Our Chinny Chin Chin
A single goal makes the difference for qualification

Halfassedstates 1 - 2 Ineptia.

Everyone TG Ineptia and tell them to start RPing, they are the founder of one of the most historic regions in the game :) Surely they can contribute something, especially after a TG Flood

The atmosphere was tense in the city hall of KaMaRi kali as the group draw was about to take place here. Unfortunately the delegates as well as the technicans from Brazillico missed for no clear reason. The mystic letters RL were mentioned more than once, but nothing definate is known. Maybe it was no good idea to ask Abysmali technicans to help with the programming of the computers, which were used for the graphic and sound effects of the ceremony. At first it all started well: Teke Daran greeted the audience, the non-existent Brazillicans and the viewers on television. The group draw was done by pots and marbles. 4 models had the task to pick marbles with a team name on it. The first groups are:

Group A:
004 Commerce Heights
013 Tanah Burung
032 Tadjikistan
039 Oddslavo

Group B:
002 Bedistan
020 Gesamtkuntswerk
033 Vilita
055 Turnia

Group C:
005 Kingsford
009 Audioslavia
035 Iansisle
059 Oaker

Group D:
006 Rejistania
015 Kaze Progressa
024 Lovisa
045 Wella

Group E:
Suddently the light went out, some decent curses in abysmali and rejistanian were heard until the group draw could continue normally.
007 Europa Brittania
011 Squornshelous
031 The Lowland Clans
060 Ineptia

Group F:
003 The Eagles Nest
014 Total n Utter Insanity
021 Mattigool
064 Krytenia

Group G:
001 Eauz
018 Oglethorpia
027 NEWI Cefn Druids
086 Lykaia

Group H:
008 Brazillico
019 Spaam
028 Svecia
Here Kalali Ri~n could not take the remaining marble out of pot 4. there was no 8th marble. Abysmali organisation or at least Abysmal technicans payed off again. The last team was declared to be:
071 Larkinia

With this the ceremony ended. Teke Daran could not be reached for comment.

Later on a mistake ws spotted: Larkinia could not be found on any map, well, nations can sometimes cease but that would raise the question how the athletes could come from Larkinia to rejistania if Larkinia simply... doesn't... exist. Teke Daran did not feel like discussing the matter striked out Larkinia looked at the table of Region 5 and wrote down One Red Dot, ranked 17th.

Turnia City Tribune

Associated Press

World Cup XVI Report

Dragons advance for first time, Turnia in a frenzy!

It is official, the Dragons have advanced and will participate in Group B. Group B includes: Bedistan (The #2 ranked team will be hard to beat and are the odds on favorite), Gesamtkuntswerk (Ranked #20- Turnia has never faced this team, a tough unknown for the Dragons) and Vilita (Ranked #33, Vilita is always a tough opponent who the Dragons know well from the CoH).

As the news came in, Dragons head coach Paul Odle was showered with champagne by his players, "What a great moment! I am so very proud of my guys and honored to be their coach. I told the team it is them, not me. They believed and believed in the system", a dowsed Odle said. "We owe coach Odle so much after taking over for his brother and teaching us. Teaching us to play up to our abilities. He is very humble, but we all know who to thank and look up to", said team captain J.S. Turner later in the news conference.

A gathering in Turnia City Square will be held tonight to root the National team on. MCing the event will be noted newspaper columnist Max Riodondo. We advise all who plan on attending to take public transportation.

When we advance from High School to College, we again become Freshmen and low-man on the totem pole. Such is the Dragon's graduation from qualifiers. Turnia of course is a long-shot, but better to have tried and lost, than to have never tried.

AP

Predictions by Group:

Group A:
004 Commerce Heights
A strong side, the defending champs will have little opposition in this group from a Tanah Burung team who have not played their best this cup.
Prediction: 1st
013 Tanah Burung
They will have to perform well against Oddslavo, who have excelled this year, but should manage to advance.
Prediction: 2nd
032 Tadjikistan
After a slight letdown in World Cup 15, they don't look strong enough here.
Prediction: 4th
039 Oddslavo
They have played very well, but won't be able to top TB. Their cup run ends here.
Prediction: 3rd

Group B:
002 Bedistan
Bedistan are one of the strongest teams so far this cup, and have a relatively weak group to compete against.
Prediction: 1st
020 Gesamtkuntswerk
They aren't the team they were a few cups ago. The game against Vilita will be crucial.
Prediction: 2nd
033 Vilita
They will have to beat Gesamkuntswerk to have any chance at all. We pick them to lose by 1 goal. Watch for them next cup though.
Prediction: 3rd
055 Turnia
Severely outclassed, they really don't have a chance here. A valuable learning experience though.
Prediction: 4th

Group C:
005 Kingsford
Audioslavia will challenge them for the group win. It's a tossup, but they are sure to qualify.
Prediction: 1st
009 Audioslavia
Could have a shot at first place, but will need to capitalize on any chances they get in the Kingsford game, as well as beating the lower half of the group.
Prediction: 2nd
035 Iansisle
This group is pretty much locked up, Iansisle have an outside chance for second, but will need two wins for it.
Prediction: 3rd
059 Oaker
Another team that really isn't in a position to do anything, they will be lucky to gain any points at all.
Prediction: 4th

Group D:
006 Rejistania
The co-hosts will have no trouble at all qualifying.
Prediction: 1st
015 Kaze Progressa
Lovisa is a real threat to the Progressans' cup hopes, they'll need to play their best in that match to have a chance.
Prediction: 3rd
024 Lovisa
They've been playing well, and we think they'll be able to top Kaze Progressa to move on.
Prediction: 2nd
045 Wella
Wella don't have much of a chance, they'll need to beat either Kaze Progressa or Lovisa, and hope for a draw between the two.
Prediction: 4th

Group E:
007 Europa Brittania
Europa Brittania are always a dangerous side and shouldn't have much trouble qualifying.
Prediction: 1st
011 Squornshelous
Although our play has been a little off lately, we should easily beat TLC and Ineptia. Europa Brittania is another story.
Prediction: 2nd
031 The Lowland Clans
They'll have a lot of difficulty here, playing against two squads much better than they are and the dangerous underdogs from Ineptia.
Prediction: 4th
060 Ineptia
Ineptia has a penchant for upsets and surprises, we'll be watching them closely.
Prediction: 3rd

Group F:
003 The Eagles Nest
As the leaders in this cup's "group of death", they'll find it surprisingly difficult to stay on top.
Prediction: 2nd
014 Total n Utter Insanity
This team has played well, but they won't quite pull it off here.
Prediction: 3rd
021 Mattigool
This is our upset special, watch for Matigool to overthrow both of the group favorites and take first place.
Prediction: 1st
064 Krytenia
Dedication and effort have gotten them this far, but wont be enough to move on.
Prediction: 4th

Group G:
001 Eauz
The top team in the world will dominate this group, however, with both NEWI and Lykaia present, surprises are possible.
Prediction: 1st
018 Oglethorpia
Oglethorpia will fall victim to the young teams in this group and will not make it.
Prediction: 3rd
027 NEWI Cefn Druids
NEWI's time has come, watch for them to upset Oglethorpia to advance.
Prediction: 2nd
086 Lykaia
Lykaia's amazing streak of luck makes us think of the Squornshelan World Cup 5 team, who reached the Quarterfinals in their first cup before being eliminated. However, wiht modern ranking systems in place, that Cinderella story is not a reality.
Prediction: 4th

Group H:
008 Brazillico
The incredible vanishing co-host will probably advance, but Spaam and Svecia pose a definite challenge.
Prediction: 2nd
019 Spaam
Spaam should be able to win big under pressure to take home the group.
Prediction: 1st
028 Svecia
Svecia, a team with a long footballing history, will come up just short here.
Prediciton: 3rd
071 Larkinia
Larkinia is good, but there's nothing they can do here.
Prediction: 4th

The Highly Qualified Opinion of Sakes Wellsung on World Cup Predictions.

Group A:
013 Tanah Burung
004 Commerce Heights
039 Oddslavo
032 Tadjikistan

Group B:
002 Bedistan
033 Vilita
020 Gesamtkuntswerk
055 Turnia

Group C:
005 Kingsford
009 Audioslavia
035 Iansisle
059 Oaker

Group D:
006 Rejistania
024 Lovisa
015 Kaze Progressa
045 Wella

Group E:
031 The Lowland Clans
007 Europa Brittania
060 Ineptia
011 Stupidheads

Group F:
014 Total n Utter Insanity
003 The Eagles Nest
064 Krytenia
021 Mattigool

Group G:
001 Eauz
018 Oglethorpia
027 NEWI Cefn Druids
086 Lykaia

Group H:
008 Brazillico
028 Svecia
019 Spaam
071 Larkinia


Predicted Cup Winner:
Total n Utter Insanity

(ooc: it pains me more than i can say to report this, but Larkinia is now an ex-nation.)

"Eyes north. Or wherever Rejistania is," said Modesto Ruak Ruak. The Crocodiles coach for the final two matches, in which victory was snatched from the jaws of elimination, Ruak Ruak's cash bonus has vaulted him into the small ranks of Tanah Burung's wealthy.

"I won't let that go to my head," he said. "In fact, now that i see we've been drawn along with Commerce Heights, i'd like to announce that the Crocodiles will be dedicating their Cup performance to the victims of unbridled market capitalism everywhere. To the poor children in the sweat shops, the auto workers thrown out of business when their jobs were out-sourced to cheap labour dictatrships, to the victims of factory fires caused by lax safety standards, to the untold legions who live on pennies a day so that the super-rich can enjoy their gilded pleasure-palaces."

Much the same rhetoric as spouted by his father, grandfather and great-grandfather, all of whom coached Tanah Burung at some point, with varying degrees of success.

For the players, he had a simpler message: "Squornshelan pundits say we'll provide little competition for Commerce Heights. Are we going to take that, lads?"

"But coach, Commerce Heights hasn't said anything.

"Never mind that. Be outraged!"

As Larkinia ceased before the start of the World Cup, their place will be taken by the next non-qualifier in their group.

fixed

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Vilita [2]-[1] The Redavic Union
..................................[ Östling 21 :: Kecker 34 ]............[ Nevadere 73 ]

The Shultis, Lonngeylin, Vilita
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

..........The Vilita Jungle Cats arrived home in Lonngeylin to a 60,000 strong support to see their team go out and put a stone on their place in the World Cup Finals. While the Jungle Cats were already Mathematically set to head to Rejistania or Brazillinsanity, a Victory over third-placed The Redavic Union would make the trip that much sweeter. A mixed lineup set out of the game, with regular goalkeeper Massimo Corsi giving way to Jimmy Kater, who had yet to conced a senior international goal, Jurgen Ramzi sitting out for Antonis Ratuva, and a new-age striker partnership of Serge DuPont and young Carmine Mbidzo up front. Defender Ricky Ezis also earned a place on the bench after strong performances in the opening AOCAF matchups.

..........Alexander Östling netted his first Senior Goal since the opening qualifying match at Hazlia in the 21st minute to give the Jungle Cats the early advantage. Then, it was a textbook Santo Kecker Free-Kick that doubled the advantage just over 10 minutes later, after Defensive Midfielder Antonis Ratuva was fouled 25 yards out. Ratuva's status is currently uncertain for the World Cup Finals, as he had to be substituted just after play resumed, un able to continue, Coach Helmut Vilkaus inserting Malovar Stokks into the game. The Jungle Cats would continue to keep control of the game until Esemar Aliana's untimely give away with 15 minutes to play. The defender was collecting the ball and looked to dish it in towards Jaloey Afrikka, however The Redavic Union striker Myarpeesar Nevadere was between the two, leaving Jimmy Kaer helpless in conceding his first international goal.

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Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Enzo Ahat, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Esemar Aliana, [DM] Antonis Ratuva, [M] Santo Kecker, [M] Marasent Sioane, [M] Calaesa Mitaroka, [M] Jonathon Baledrokadroka, [F] Serge DuPont, [F] Carmine Mbidzo
BENCH::
[F] Germán Salomón, [F] Jan Christiansen, [M] Christian Dogbé, [M] Umberto Melli, [U] Tanner Nerni, [D] Ricky Ezis, [GK] Massimo Corsi

Vilita Drawn in Group B


..........With the victory over the Redavic Union, the Vilita Jungle Cats Finished Group 6 in he Runner-Up position on 22 points. The only Discrepancys in the Jungle Cat qualifying run came with the two defeats at the hands of Audioslavia, and the goalless draw on Matchday 3 with Adrasuvare. Until conceding one goal each to Raptor Claw and the Redavic Union in the final two qualifying matches, the Jungle Cats had conceded only to Audioslavia, making a final Goals against tally of 7, one of the best in all of qualifying, including the best record in Group 6.

..........Vilita has been drawn in Group B of the World Cup Finals, believed to be held in Rejistania. The Jungle Cats will be joined in Group B by Bedistan. Ranked #2 in the World, Bedistan are the reigning Under-21 World Cup Champions. While the Jungle Cats have never met Bedistan in International Competiton, they have had one previous meeting with Pedriana, a Bedistani Territory made up of many former and co-Bedistani nationals, with the Jungle Cats coming out Rampant 5-0 victors during the qualifying stage in AOCAF 2. Gesamkuntswurk are the team that Vilita knows absolutely nothing about. A quiet but strong nation on the world cup stage, Ges is always a favorite to win in any match they play. Ranked 20th in the World, this will be the make or break match for the Jungle Cats chances of Second Round action. The only Nation in the group that the Jungle Cats have faced on the senior level is Turnia. The Jungle Cats clashed with the Dragons in the quarter finals of Cup of Harmony 14. Giacomo Adika powered home a very rare goal to seperate the teams, giving Vilita the start they needed to lead them to their only current silverware, the Cup of Harmony 14 Championship.






Owls Reclaim Stellar Title

Vilitan FA Press Release, Alikki-Corra, Vilita::
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------------Yeaddin Owls AFC have reclaimed the Stellar Division Title in Season 3 after edging out Marine Coast in a battle to the last day. Marine Coast, who also finished second to the Owls in Season One, were trailing in their bid to defend their season Two championship when they visited Owls National Stadium for the last time with just 5 matchdays remaining. A capacity 22,000 crowd in Yeaddin saw one of the most entertaining matches in Vilitan League history.

------------The scoring opened in the 28th minute when Marine Coasts Former National Keeper Rory Issah was adjudged to have fowled an Owls player in the box. The crafty Nigel Chapman stepped up and made no mistake from the penalty spot to give the Table-Toppers the lead. However, Marine Coast's Defensive Steal Danilo Liguori would have none of that, being gifted with Bryan 'Pop' Duiker's poor clear to level the scores. The match would go into the half tied at 1-1, but everyone in the stadium knew that these two mammoth teams would not dissapoint. Only once in the previous 6 meetings of the teams had at one of the teams failed to net 3 times, with Marine leading the all time series despite the Owls 4-3 victory earlier in the season.

------------The action restarted quickly with Jonathon Stott sending the home support into cheers with his 53rd minute goal, headed in off a Nigel Chapman corner kick. Like previously, however, the Cheers would be short lived as the Coast would Strike Back. Jonathon Baledrokadroka's mystical run down the right saw him easily beat out his marker, fellow international Calaesa Mitaroka, before putting in a beautiful low cross that headed for the far post. Marine's only non-International, local youngster Kwame Tchami found himself free to power the ball into the net, again levelling the scores. Yeaddin were thrown a kick when goalkeeper Duiker had to come off, seeming to add an extra spark into the Marine Coast play. Deadly striker partners Jim Vella and Callum Banda exchanged goals to put the visitors 4-2 ahead, before Yeaddin local player Ilias Nikiema netted in the 87th minute to give the home side a bit of hope. However, after throwing all their efforts forward, Kwame Tchami hit the Owls on the break to settle the match in injury time at 5-3, giving Marine Coast the lead in the championship chase.

------------Marine's luck had run out their however, as the Owls would go unbeaten over the final matches. Marine's 2-4 defeat at the hands of Tivali City eventually costing them the Stellar Division Title. Marine would not go without silverware, after a rematch of the Season One Vilitan Cup final saw the Crosaibi-based club up against Cednia Beach of Turori for the Cup. Goals from Jonathon Baledrokadroka and Baron O'Toole early in the second half would seal the victory, with Marine Coast taking the Vilitan Cup 2-0 over Cednia Beach.




Colonial sign Cockbill Street Keeper
Colonial Sile FC Press Release, Sile, Vilita::
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------------Vilitan Stellar Division side Colonial Sile have completed the signign of 21 year old former Cockbill Street u-21 goalkeeper Jonathan Havell. Havell moves in a ¤1.35M (AM$3.75M) transfer from Streetan club side Vimesbairn Athletic. Havell's move comes after the Cockbill Street keeper expressed a desire to prove his skill only increases at the international level after the recent shortcomings of starting Cockbill Street goalkeeper Frederic Roberts that have cost the Streeters a spot in the World Cup Finals. Colonial Sile have been in the Stellar Division for two season, after being crowned inagural Declasse champions in Vilitan Season One. After maintaining their low budget roster for both seasons of Stellar Division competition, Colonial were able to take in profit on all earnings that a Stellar Division club takes in in relation to one in the Declasse. After saving up this money, Colonial were able to announce the third highest Transfer budget prior to the Season Four Transfer Window, After Yeaddin Owls spent their entire budget on their new stadium. Colonial now have Approximately 3.5 Million Tures(¤) of their budget remaining, and are expected to spend it all in a push to overtake Makosile United as the highest placed Vilitan Team based in the City and Area of Sile, Vilita.The signing of Havell comes after Colonial failed in an original bid to sign Lowlands Clan goalkeeper Kolinto Kesstos, losing out to Kesstos' preferred choice, Bedistan's Dennis Bears.

------------Colonial would not stop there however, quickly moving to secure the signature of Oaker midfielder Arthin Oaker. Oaker, who was previously un-signed, has been one of the stars of Oaker's impressive World Cup 16 qualifying campaign that has seen the 'Sharks' out class Vilitan predictions Melmond and Snub Nose 38 to steal a spot in the World Cup Finals. Colonial had signalled the need for Three players to back their challenge for the Season Four Stellar Division title, and have quickly signed two of them. It is unknown, but believed that the third player that Colonial are chasing is based somewhere in the FIFA region. Colonial are believed to have already made an approach for the player, believed to be a defender, but no deal has been agreed between the clubs.




U-21's, Senior's Prepare for Battle
Turoki National Stadium, Turoki City, Vilita::
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------------Under 21 Newcomers Christos Tchami of Cedniavella and Mauro Baraza of Newly-Promoted Stellar Division side Eastal Lunar made their Jungle-Cat Debuts against Lamoni in the Final AOCAF II Group A Qualifying Matchup. Joining them on the bench would be Kirota Locals youth prospect Jeremie Emeka, The first player ever called for International Duty from the Kirota region, and joining Defensive Midfield prospect Lai Otieno as the only recognized Vilitan-Based internationals playing outside the Top Two Tiers of the Vilitan League. Nicoló Alicicco's inclusion behind the midfield suggests that the 29 year old Colonial Sile midfielder may be set for a shocking call into the 23-Man World Cup Finals Squad. Lamoni started the match well and was able to score early against the AOCAF II hosts. The crowd at Turoki National was left in silence when the Falcons took the lead 10 minutes from the interval. The Jungle Cats made one Change at the half, with Debutant Tchami being replaced with fellow u21 Newcomer Emeka, in what appeared to be a pre-determined substitution. The change paid instant dividends for the hosts when Emeka worked well down the left, getting a cross deep into the Lamoni area which Mauro Baraza emphatically powered into the back of the net, scoring on his debut and pushing well for a place in the u21 starting lineup. 15 Minutes later, The Jungle Cats would make another substitution, with Alicicco making way for National Team Captain Santo Kecker, looking for 25 minutes of fitness to prepare for the World Cup Finals. Kecker proved his talent well on a 78th minute free kick, leaving the Lamoni keeper no chance and sending the Jungle Cats into the AOCAF II Quarter Finals on a 4 match winning streak. The Jungle Cats Opponent in the Quarter Finals will once again be Lamoni, who despite the loss were able to hold on to the 4th position in Group A over Krytenia.




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Internationstatal Rating System for Actual Performance related to Expected Performance

------------The Vilita Peformance Index, a ratings system initiated in World Cup 15, and Revamped for World Cup 16, used to rate the performance of any National Team in any particular Competition based on their performance within their group in relation to their expected performance (Projected through the KPB Rankings system). Or, as a representative from Kaze Progressa put it: VPI not as a ranking system, but a good measure of how teams are performing relative to expectations. For example, in Euro 2004, Greece would have had a higher VPI than Spain and France while all were level on 4 points after 2 matches.

------------A Team Performing EXACTLY in line with expectations would theoretically have a VPI of 0.00. The standard deviation would be that Ratings of (-00.50 - 1.50) would be considered "Within Expected Performance Range". Nations with a VPI above 1.50 would be said to be "Overachieving" and below -00.50 would be "UnderAchieving".

------------A full listing of each of the 90 teams participating in World Cup 16 Quals is available, ordered by VPI in the SCORES THREAD (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=343804&page=5). The final list after all 10 qualifying matchdays is as follows:


VPI Ratings :: WC16Q :: Matchday 10
----------------------------------------------

1 Ineptia [07.23] Group 4
2 Lykaia [05.49] Group 8
3 Krytenia [04.92] Group 12
4 Larkinia [04.00] Group 5
5 Oddslavo [03.15] Group 7
6 Iansisle [03.11] Group 14
7 Oaker [02.82] Group 3
8 Turnia [02.81] Group 10
9 HypercapitaliZm [02.71] Group 3
10 Sarzonia [02.08] Group 9
--------------------------------------------
81 Giant Zucchini [-00.8] Group 13
82 Squornshelous [-00.9] Group 12
83 Tanah Burung [-01.2] Group 9
84 Bedistan [-01.4] Group 4
85 Commerce Heights [-01.4] Group 14
86 One Red Dot [-01.6] Group 5
87 Lemmitania [-01.6] Group 7
88 Liverpool England [-02.2] Group 8
89 Snub Nose 38 [-03.3] Group 3
** The Water Cooler [-04.0] Group 12




http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/schedXV.gif
Matches & Venues:
M01: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [4] - [0] Hazlia
M02: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [3] Audioslavia (The Shultis, Lonngeylin)
M03: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [0] - [0] Adrasuvare
M04: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [3] - [0] Raptor Claw (Marine World Park, Crosaibi)
M05: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [1] - [0] The Redavic Union
M06: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [3] - [0] Hazlia (National View Stadium, Morata Valley)
M07: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [0] - [2] Audioslavia
M08: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [1] - [0] Adrasuvare (Jlinal Cove Complex, Jlinal)
M09: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [1] Raptor Claw
M10: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [1] The Redavic Union (The Shultis, Lonngeylin)

Predictions: Tigers will end 4th

Group A:
013 Tanah Burung
004 Commerce Heights
039 Oddslavo
032 Tadjikistan



032 Tadjikistan
After a slight letdown in World Cup 15, they don't look strong enough here.
Prediction: 4th


Predictions by Squornhelian and Kingsfordian experts both put Tadjikistan in 4th spot. Tadjik football expert and former national coach Ion Yakir was worried: "It doesnt look good for us, if neutral observers put us last in their predictions. We should have come up in a group with weaker opponents." Coach Triandafillov, on the other hand, wasnt worried at all:"Good, let them put us there, atleast we cant dissapoint them if we end 4th. We can now prepare to surprise them, the pressure is on them. They have to win."

*NEWI Cefn Druids winner Bill Posters has been questioned by Sgt. Trevor Tuck and D.I. Trevor Belless of Cefn-Mawr police for over four hours...*

Sgt. Tuck: "For the final time, did you, or did you not break into the old Trevor Young's store in Cefn?"

Posters: "Of course I didn't. And I didn't steal the little girl's poodle, or shout obcenities at anyone from Creedence Clearwater when the came here."

*Sgt. Tuck stares at Posters. He leaves the room to talk to D.I. Belless*

Sgt. Tuck: "Sir, we've got nothing on him."

D.I. Belless: "Have you tried murder?"

Sgt. Tuck: "Who of?"

D.I. Belless: "Leave this to me."

*They walk back into the room.*

Posters: "Can I go home now?"

Sgt. Tuck: "Not yet, you can't. We've got something else to question you about."

D.I. Belless: "Where were you when NEWI Cefn Druids played Lykaia in their final qualifying game for World Cup 15?"

Posters: "Well, I was at The Hole. I was pla..."

D.I. Belless: "For the purpose of the tape, the manager of the NEWI Cefn Druids national football team, Mr. Timothy Ivanhoe Welsh, was shot dead at The Hole in Mawr during the course of the match in question."

Sgt. Tuck: "So it was you who did it, then?"

Posters: "How could it be? I was on the pitch, playing!!! I've got 78,000 witnesses!!!"

Sgt. Tuck: "William Trevor Posters, you are under arrest for the murder of Timothy Ivanhoe Welsh. You do not have to say anything, and even if you do, we'll probably ignore you. You understand?"

*Posters just shakes, scared.*

The likes of one Henry Tuck had last been seen by Kingsforder eyes crossing the border into Oglethorpia. We now believe that Mr. Tuck has taken refuge in NEWI Cefn Druids and has assumed the first name Trevor. Using his police experience, it's possible that Tuck has aquired a Sargent position, however he is expected to go off in a streaking rampage after infiltrating the government system. He is considered to be nude and dangerous, capable of exposing himself and running at high speeds every time. If you see Tuck, call the following phone number:
101-899-627-299

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

TURMOIL FOR THE LIGHTNING
Svecia to play co-hosts Brazillico, Defender Karl Mayha resigns


Group H:
008 Brazillico
019 Spaam
028 Svecia
071 Larkinia

Do the Lightning smell an upset here? This World Cup draw for the Lightning was probably not their first choice, but not much can be done about that. Who would ever want to be in a World Cup group with the hosts?

Already the predictions have been flowing in. Squornshelous, who Svecia played way back when in World Cup finals matches, predicted the Lightning to narrowly finish in third, while the better thinkers from Kingsford did not doubt the mettle of the orange clad players, predicting a second place finish.

Could the Lightning disprove all their predictions like they did in World Cup 7 and in the last qualifying? Vilita predicted the Lightning to finish 4th in their qualifying group this year, behind eventual second place finishers Oaker. In World Cup 7, it was the Svecian team led by former goalkeeper Matt de Fijts that overcame all the predictions of losses to finish third in the world.

Could this be the year that the Lightning repeat their incredible feats? It certainly seems like it could be a good shot. Let's look at the situation.

The attacking situation in Svecia has picked up quite a bit since the last Cup of Harmony which saw Svecia take 9th out of 16. Luckily, though, the defense held up leaving a lot of 1-0 games. This qualifying, both the offense and defense did their part as the Lightning finished on top of their group.

Hanan Belagt and Mikael Solskjaer lead the team in goals. The midfield is missing their anchor Sven Laursen still, but his replacement Jan Kjellström has stepped up into the role quite well.

But it is the defense that will have the most questions going into the stadiums of Brazillico. Karl Mayha, who had a rough qualifying run this year (he scored two own goals in one game and gave up a penalty kick in another, the only two losses Svecia had in qualifying), announced his retirement from international voetbal yesterday, saying he wanted to spend more time with his family. His replacement Gottlieb Frisk, was just called up from his club team Lanaken FC which finished in a surprising second place last year in the Svecikan Premeir League. He has been training with the national squad for only a week now.

As for group predictions, we aren't going to say anything, but that none should doubt the quality of this years World Cup team. The Oranje fans of Svecia are going to mob Brazillico.

TEN placed in Group F

Group F Called Group of Death; Adams Calls It "Finally Good Competition"

The Eagle's Nest was placed in Group F today with TnUI, Mattigool, and Krytenia. On paper we have 3 of the top 21 teams, and since no other group has 3 teams all ranked higher than 21, this makes this the 'Group of Death" in may eyes.

However, Coach Adams sees it a bit differently. "Bout time we got to play some good competition this go around. While the new qualifying format sped it up signifigantly, you got all the good teams spread out so you don't get to play too many of them early. These games here will show us all what teams want the cup badly this year, and which ones are just glad to be here. I'll tell you now, I think we are wanting the cup pretty badly. After losing in the semi's with a chance to play for the cup on home soil, that hurt. Besides, We need to get out of the knockout rounds to get to Eauz...we owe them a few from the last few cups. Finally....Good Comeptition...we'll get to see what we're made of."

Group F Analysis

Group F:
003 The Eagles Nest
014 Total n Utter Insanity
021 Mattigool
064 Krytenia

On Paper, TEN and TnUI should go through...but let's look at the teams qualifying runs shall we?


Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. The Eagles Nest 25 8 1 1 27: 6 21 (Region 15)
1. Total n Utter Insanity 27 9 0 1 21: 4 17 (Region 10)
2*. Mattigool 18 5 3 2 10: 8 2 (Region 5)
1. Krytenia 21 7 0 3 21: 9 12 (Region 12)

*Behind ceased nation


As you can see all teams won their group except Mattigool, who finished behind behind ceased nation Larkinia. Krytenia benfeited from 2 3-0 forfeit wins over The Water Cooler as well. TEN played through Tadjikistan and Crystlikire; TnUI had to go through Turnia, Ravenspire, AND The Belmore Family, Mattigool had to deal with ORD, and Krytenia through Squorn, Nikea, and NASTIC 2.

So it's not so clear cut is it?

If we go by points and previous show, then TEN and TnUI should go through...and that's what we will predict.



The Eagle's Nest Previous Matches with Group F Teams

Krytenia
- No Matches Played

Record vs. Krytenia: 0-0-0


Mattigool
- WCXIII MD4 : The Eagles Nest 2 - 1 Mattigool
- WCXIII MD13: Mattigool 0 - 4 The Eagles Nest

Record vs. Mattigool: 2-0-0


Total n Utter Insanity
- WCXIV MD4 : The Eagles Nest 1 - 0 Total n Utter Insanity
- WCXIV MD13: Total n Utter Insanity 0 - 1 The Eagles Nest

Record vs. Total n Utter Insanity: 2-0-0



We believe that we will be playing in Brazillico, but that has yet to be confirmed. Tickets should be available by tonight, and we ask all fans to be on their best behaviour whereever TEN plays.

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

F-ing Hell

NOT so much a Group Of Death as a Group Of Horrific Searing Gas Pain as Krytenia were drawn into the horror show that is Group F.

The Celestials will face heavyweights The Eagles Nest and Total n Utter Insanity, as well as could-go-anywhere Mattigool. Any points gained will be a huge fillip for the side, and Karim Isserson had this to say:

"This is a very difficult group, yes. But many people forget that we defeated the World Cup Finalists on their own turf to get here. I think we will turn heads in this group, and with a little luck, we may even qualify.

In addition, the team has recorded a World Cup song. "Blue Summer" is a collaboration with midfielder Cecil Poldov's band, Grassroots, and is released next week.

SCORERS
Ari SMITH - 6 (incl. 1 hat trick, and 1 penalty)
Colin ULVÆUS - 5 (incl. 1 hat trick)
Stephen XOUSA - 3
Roger CELSEN - 2
Acienko RIMMER - 1
Adam VERNAZZA - 1
plus 3 goals awarded in w/o vs The Water Cooler

v NASTIC II W 3-1 (Xousa, Smith, Celsen)
v The Gulf States W 4-0 (Ulvæus 3, Rimmer)
@ The Water Cooler W 4-0 (Ulvæus 2, Smith, Xousa)
v Squornshelous L 1-3 (Smith)
v Nikea L 0-1
@ NASTIC II W 3-0 (Smith 3)
@ The Gulf States W 2-1 (Vernazza, Celsen)
v The Water Cooler Walkover
@ Squornshelous W 1-0 (Xousa)
@ Nikea L 0-3

Finals (Rejistania)
v The Eagles Nest
v Total n Utter Insanity
v Mattigool

I forgot to announce the schedule:

MD1:
1 vs 4
2 vs 3

MD2:
1 vs 3
2 vs 4

MD3:
1 vs 2
3 vs 4

Due to an apathy-virus in Brazillico, all matches will take place in Rejistania. (TnUI will sim my group, but it will take place in Rejistania ICly).

Used stadia:
Group A:
Hetkali Hetlasane Stadium, Hetkali
Hetkali Hetaki Stadium, Hetkali

Group B:
Matix Veran Stadium, Matix kali
Mikedi Veran Stadium, Matix kali

Group C:
KaMaRi kaletri Stadium, KaMaRi kali
Karela lines grass pitch, KaMaRi kali

Group D:
Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium, KaMaRi kali
Hades Lavamje Stadium, KaMaRi kali

Group E:
Hanin Sekhika Stadium, KaMaRi kali
Myju Kaletri Staduim, KaMaRi kali

(The last groups are not in the nothern nanti simu, but in other parts of 'the Rejis' due to the hectic re-scheduling after the apathy-virus was known)

Group F: (in the most southern city of Rejistania in nanti kansu, which means that the citizens here are considered to be a bit provincial and backwards)
Na~ovi Sekhika Stadium, Na~ovi kali
Na~ovi Nanti Stadium, Na~ovi kali

Group G: (in Nita~eda kali, a small city in eastern Rejistania, rather known for the industrial smog than for high-class soccer)
Nita~eda Ynu Stadium, Nita~eda kali
Taki~l Redy Stadium, Nita~eda kali

Group H: (in the Rejistanian capital Sike kali in the middle of the jungle and Kalisimu kali. It was the pride of the capital which decided to play 3 group stage matches in Sike (btw: 'sike' is Rejistanian for 'there'). Since Sike has only one suitable stadium, the second match in the last group will take place a few hundred kilometres westwards)
Sike kaletri Stadium, Sike kali
Kalisimu Kaletri Stadium, Kalisimu kali

Le LIBRE

Les Bleus in the World Cup

Last evening, the draws for the world cup XVI groups were done. For Les Bleus, they were placed in a group of familiar faces and rivals. Les Bleus will have to look deep inside them though if they are to have any chance of winning in this cup. Les Bleus were placed in group G where they will face off against region rival Oglethorpia, WC16 qualifying rival NEWI Druids and a team from Lykaia who Les Bleus have yet to play. The group is below…


Group G:
001 Eauz
018 Oglethorpia
027 NEWI Cefn Druids
086 Lykaia


Group Analyse


Group G Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Eauz 25 8 1 1 24: 6 18
2. NEWI Cefn Druids 24 8 0 2 26: 9 17
1. Lykaia 23 7 2 1 19: 8 11
2. Oglethorpia 17 5 2 3 17:11 6

On paper, the above table shows the group G teams ranked according to their points during the qualifying round. It would appear that, the same result from Region 11 would occur, with Les Bleus and the Druids advancing. One though can’t just assume by points that certain teams will win. The Oglethorpia team who has been struggling in the past, could end up being a surprise to the group. Les Bleus though realize that this will not be a walk in the park to the next round. The coach commented saying, “I think this group is going to help our team. In the past we have sailed through with very little trouble, but then we got into some trouble and were not able to finish properly. The early competition will get us ready for future problems”

Schedule

Match Day 1: Eauz vs. Lykaia @ Nita~eda Ynu Stadium
Match Day 2: Eauz vs. NEWI Cefn Druids @ Nita~eda Ynu Stadium
Match Day 3: Eauz vs. Oglethorpia @ Taki~l Redy Stadium

Makinshakes Presents...
The Ketchup Times!
Now you can eat your fries and read the latest news around Melmond!

"MELMONDIAN GODDESS F***ING SLANIIT, NOT AGAIN!" sentiment across nation!
Well here's a story you are used to if you follow the Melmond National Football Team. It appears that THE hardest working side in NationStates football finally has the chance to be in the World Cup finals, all they had to do was beat lowly commies Cirdanistan in their home nation, in one of the most intimidating places to play, Feliz-Unne Stadium. Our friends in Svecia did their job by holding off the Pesky Oaker side to a one all tie. However, voodoo dice or not, Melmond disappoints again. The Under-a-Cheevers make a big blunder as defender Trav Strachan got a yellow card for an overly aggressive tackle in the goalkeeper's box. The Cirdanistan player was able to make the penalty shot and they took the 1-nil lead. It appears that Manager Gerry Cheevers' Zen relaxation techinques didn't work at all as the side appeared very shaky under the pressure. Their nervousness hindered their play throughout the match. The side was lucky to get a Chris Owen goal, which was quite an individual effort as he weaved through the Cirdanistan. But that was all that was going to be as the matches ends 1-1. Melmond still has never made a world cup. Rumor has it that there may be a private ceremony between the NEWI Cefn Druids and Melmond FAs to pass the torch of futility as Melmond is clearly the new marker of hard work going nowhere.

Gerry Cheevers Sacked
Expectations were high for this Melmond side, and the Melmond Football Association made it clear to Manager Gerry Cheevers if his side didn't make the World Cup, he would be canned. The side didn't make it, and he was canned. Gerry Cheevers plans on returning to his Buddhist retreat in Dennisov where he can continue his spiritual journey. He thanks the Melmond FA for giving him this chance in his lifetime. Former Melmond midfielder and current assistant manager David Bixler will be interim Manager and will manage the side in yet another Cup of Harmony. Since Cheevers is no longer the manager and the side hasn't earned the Fearless Farmers name, the name announced for the side was "Disappointments."

Yet Another Cup of Harmony In Melmond
With our former World Cup 15 bid partners Liverpool England looking for a co-host, Melmond volunteered to do the job if Liverpool England could not find another co-host. It looks more and more likely that Melmond will be co-host the Cup of Harmony for the third time in its history. There will be two big football tournaments in Melmond soon, the Melmond Club Eliminational Invitational and a tournament that might as well be called the Melmond Consolational Invitational. Yet, their national side has yet to make a World Cup while lucky sides like Larkinia and Lykaia make it to the big show.

It appears that THE hardest working side in NationStates football finally has the chance to be in the World Cup finals, all they had to do was beat lowly commies Cirdanistan in their home nation, in one of the most intimidating places to play, Feliz-Unne Stadium. Our friends in Svecia did their job by holding off the Pesky Oaker side to a one all tie.

*cough*cough*cough*

REAL FINAL TABLE::

Region 3 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Svecia 22 7 1 2 17:13 4
2. Oaker 19 5 4 1 16: 8 8
3. Melmond 17 5 2 3 17:11 6
4. HypercapitaliZm 11 3 2 5 10:15 -5
5. Snub Nose 38 10 3 1 6 18:13 5
6. Cirdanistan 4 0 4 6 5:23 -18


FINAL TABLE IF MELMOND WON 2-1

Region 3 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Svecia 22 7 1 2 17:13 4
2. Oaker 19 5 4 1 16: 8 8
3. Melmond 19 6 1 3 18:11 7
4. HypercapitaliZm 11 3 2 5 10:15 -5
5. Snub Nose 38 10 3 1 6 18:13 5
6. Cirdanistan 1 0 3 7 5:24 -19


Hope that makes you feel a little better, Even if you had won, with Oaker's Draw you still would not have gone through. You needed to have Oaker Lose :)

Ahem...if we won by two goals...which we should of done at home against Cirdanistan...we would be the team in the World Cup as we would in the most goals overall tiebreaker.

Ahem...if we won by two goals...which we should of done at home against Cirdanistan...we would be the team in the World Cup as we would in the most goals overall tiebreaker.

Hey Now! Give me credit, i was trying to look at the brighter side of things! You aren't the only one, I couldnt get past Adrasuvare, 0-0 goalless draw that put me about 7th in the table early on... 200 n00b as well!

More Predictions
Jorge the Amazing Talking Psychic Monkey Picks the Winners

Round of Sixteen

004 Commerce Heights
vs
019 Spaam
Winner: Commerce Heights

002 Bedistan
vs
027 NEWI Cefn Druids
Winner: NEWI Cefn Druids

005 Kingsford
vs
003 The Eagles Nest
Winner: The Eagles Nest

006 Rejistania
vs
011 Squornshelous
Winner: Rejistania

007 Europa Brittania
vs
024 Lovisa
Winner: Europe Brittania

021 Mattigool
vs
009 Audioslavia
Winner: Matigool

001 Eauz
vs
020 Gesamtkuntswerk
Winner: Eauz

008 Brazillico
vs
013 Tanah Burung
Winner: Tanah Burung

Quarterfinals
004 Commerce Heights
vs
027 NEWI Cefn Druids
Winner: Commerce Heights

003 The Eagles Nest
vs
006 Rejistania
Winner: The Eagles Nest

007 Europa Brittania
vs
021 Matigool
Winner: Matigool

001 Eauz
vs
013 Tanah Burung
Winner: Eauz

Semifinals
004 Commerce Heights
vs.
003 The Eagles Nest
Winner: Commerce Heights

021 Matigool
vs
001 Eauz
Winner: Eauz


Third Place Match
The Eagles Nest
vs
Matigool
Winner: The Eagles Nest

Final
Commerce Heights
vs
Eauz
Winner: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
(at this point Jorge demanded a banana and when one was not promptly given to him, he threw a fit and severly injured a newsman)

LyKaiA

Lykaia finished the World Cup Qualifying in the first place in the Region 8 with 23 points. We had 7 Win, 2 Draw and Just 1 loss. The alone time that we lost was at the Liverpool England. We drew only with the Liverpool England and Spaam. Spaam was the draws obtained us on the final game with a 2-2 scores. The two of the goals of Lykaia were marked by Amika Alansifol, unfortunately there was just as much goals marked by Spaam and we could not win because of this. We have inluded a list of our scorers to the under of it includes all 19 goals of marked Lykaia in the World Cup so far. We advanced now a round other where we will face the better team in the world named Eauz, just like Oglethorpia and the NEWI Cefn Druids. Group only D and F would be as difficult to qualify of, therefore this next rounds off will not be easy for Lykaia.


Group G:
001 Eauz
018 Oglethorpia
027 NEWI Cefn Druids
086 Lykaia
-----------------


Lykaia Goalscorers

Amika Alansifol - 11
Ivan Tverdorsk - 4
Victor Miradah - 2
Bacardi Boroshevz - 1
Oleg Yvchevsky - 1

A Random Transcript with Experimental Characters (If these Characters are popular, they live and make more RP appearances. If you all hate them, I'll send them to play in the URFC)

---During WC15---

Hi. I'm Tom Berry. I support World Cup 15. It is a very good idea. It is so good, that we should continue to support it wholeheartedly and consistantly. We should continue to send players to the World Cup in future world cups, and give the WCC full power.

---LATER---

Hi, I'm Tom Berry. I oppose the World Cup. Just because one team beats another does not give the WCC full power to send our players to the World Cup. I propose we pull our Players out of the World Cup.

---Pre WC16---

Hi, I'm Tom Berry. I voted for the resolution to give the WCC full jurisdiction to send players to the World Cup. It is absolutely probable and likely that there are TOP (Teams of Opposing Positions). We will find them undoubtedly. I have always been pro-Cup, and my stance has been steady and strong.

---LATER---

Hi, I'm Tom Berry. This is an ill-conceived cup that we should not participate in. There is no evidence of the TOP and there never were any TOPs in the Cup. The Cup was not producing or harboring TOPs and we need to pull our players out immediately. I am against the Cup and I always have been. My ability to stick with my decisions makes me a prime WCC representative. If you elect me to the WCC, I will pull our players out of the cup within a year, and then throw money at the French.








If you really, really can't figure out who Tom Berry is a reference to, you're either a) a stubborn liberal or b) horribly uninformed. I suggest to all that you watch the following movie to understand Tom Berry and his satirical ways more:
http://media1.streamtoyou.com/rnc/080304v1.wmv

The trial of Bill Posters
Day 1 - Witness 1

Call Bill Posters

Judge Trevor Joodee: "William Trevor Posters, you have been charged with the murder of Timothy Ivanhoe Welsh during the NEWI Cefn Druids v Lykaia football match at The Hole in Mawr four years ago. How do you plead."

Posters: "Not guilty, your honour."

Judge Joodee: "Right, well, you can go then."

Owen Kelly (Prosecution lawyer): "Objection, your honour, we are supposed to have a trial now."

Judge Joodee: "Oh yes, sorry, forgot all about it there. Oh yes. Remind me how that works again?"

Wayne Kerr (defence lawyer): "Basically, myself and Mr. Kelly take it in turns to question various people about what happened, we present evidence before the jury, then when all the evidence and testimonies have been heard, the jury go away and decide whether or not the defendant is guilty."

Judge Joodee: "Jolly good. So where do I come into it?"

Kelly: "You watch to see that everything is done fairly, then hand out a suitable sentance at the end of it all."

Judge Joodee: "So I just sit here, then?"

Kelly: "Kinda, yeah."

Judge Joodee: "Can I fall asleep?"

Kerr: "No, your honour."

Judge Joodee: "Can I play 'Attack of the Killer Cheese' on my GameKid?"

Kelly: "No, your honour."

Judge Joodee: "Can I throw my toenail clippings at the defendant?"

Kerr and Kelly: "NO, YOUR HONOUR!"

Kelly: "Well, you're not supposed to..."

Judge Joodee: "Well am I allowed to piss myself? I do it all the time when I'm at home, you see, and my wife is always telling me off for it, but I can't help it, it just leaks out." *He starts to cry* "It's not my fault! It's those pills they make me take..."

*Kerr and Kelly stare blankly at each other.*

Kelly: "Can we... er... get started, your honour?"

*Judge Joodee just keeps on crying, more and more, until we hear a small splashing noise. Then, as the Judge leaves the courtroom, we can see that his judge's gown has a wet crotch. Dear, oh dear.*

- - - - - - - - - -

Kelly: "Mr Posters, you were placed at the scene of the murder at the time it happened, is that correct?"

Posters: "It is."

Kelly: "So, at this point, you are one of 78,000 suspects, is this statement true?"

Posters: "I suppose it could be."

Kelly: "During the game, you were playing on the left wing for the Druids, yes?"

Posters: "Yes."

Kelly: "Which means that you were the player on the pitch closest to Mr. Welsh at the time of his killing, yes?"

Posters: "Yes."

Kelly: "Well let's think about it this way - at the time, a large proportion of hte crowd were standing, so for a member of the crowd to hit Mr. Welsh, it would have to be a very good shot, wouldn't it? So, as you probably had the best clear line to Mr. Welsh, well... it seems to me that you are not just the prime suspect, but that it must have been pretty damn hard for anyone else at all to have done it..."

Posters: "No, that's absurd! Anyone could have done it who was at the ground!"

Kelly: "You do not accept that last statement?"

Posters: "No."

Kelly: "Um... right... no further questions, your honour."

*Owen Kelly is seated. Wayne Kerr steps up.*

Kerr: "Mr. Posters, how do we know that it wasn't you who killed Mr. Welsh?"

Posters: "Because 78,000 people could see me. Call any of them up as witnesses, if it isn't the person who did it, they'll speak up for me."

Kerr: "The pathologists report also showed that Mr Welsh was shot in the back while he was shouting orders to the pitch. Therefore, the shot could only have come from the stand behind him, leaving not 78,000 suspects, but only a number more in the region of 30,000. Mr. Posters, could you remind the court where you were at the time of the shooting?"

Posters: "I was on the pitch, playing."

Kerr: "So is there any way possible that you could have been one of the 30,000 behind Mr. Welsh?"

Posters: "None at all."

Kerr: "No further questions, your honour."

The Daily Druid

WORLD CUP DRAW REVIEW
By Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin

NEWI Cefn Druids have drawn Eauz for the third grouping in a row, after facing them in qualifying and World Cup 15. Also in Group G with the Druids are Oglethorpia and Lykaia, the opposition the Druids were facing when manager Tim Welsh was shot dead.

First up will be Oglethorpia, a team I can't remember the Druids ever facing, even though I'm sure we did once, back in the day when the Druids played badly, like Druids should. Though I can't remember it. Of course, I'm getting old now, I can hardly remember what happened last week, never mind throughout the twenty years of Druid football history. In fact, I was just telling my wife the other day, I said, "Darling," I said, "How long have we been married for now?" I said.

She said back to me, "Wayne, we never got married, did we? We're atheists, remember?"

"Atheists," I said, "Don't they hug trees?"

She said, "No Wayne," she said, "That's environmentalists."

So I thought about that for a second or two, then I said to her, "So who are those people who walk around naked, then?"

She just looked back at me. I think she gave in. I don't know why. Well, I can't remember why, that'd be more correct. Anyway, where were we? Oh yes, well we beat Eauz and Lykaia at The Hole before, but they've always beaten us any other times we've played. We suck, don't we. Anyway, I predict we'll get one point from the first game, then nothing. We'll finish bottom of the group and go home early to watch the rest of the World Cup on TV. Should be fun, eh?

WC16: Group A

Group A:
004 Commerce Heights
013 Tanah Burung
032 Tadjikistan
039 Oddslavo

To get past round 1 the Tigers will have to win some matches, That would be possible against Oddslavo. Although it is said they play good at the moment, its the best opportunity for the Tigers to get some points. Then the Tigers will have to steal some points from Commerce Heights and Tanah Burung. We'd like to see Tadjikistan win those matches but we'll try to keep it realistic and hope for 2 draws or a draw and a win.

Coach Triandafillov doesnt worry at all, since the Tigers were predicted to end last: "If its only to play 3 matches then why do i need 22 players? I've sent Rotmistrov, Chuikov and Shaposhnikov home. The latter is being replaced on the field by Kuznetsov, a young talent that deserves a chance in the team. I'm also going to use Pavlov and Zhilenkov. An excellent opportunity for them to get some experience."

According to former international Ivan Luchinsky, this is only a trick: "By fielding young players, he adds enthousiasm and individual strength. Its an excellent chance for these players to show what they're worth on the highest level and they know it, so they're going to play at their best. Offcourse the idea could blow up in the coach's face if these replacements fail. Its a knife that cuts at both sides, but what else can he do?"
Luchinsky's explination sounds nice, but we think Triandafillov really expects to play only three matches.


MD1:Tanah Burung - Tadjikistan (Hetaki Stadium, Hetkali)
MD2:Commerce Heights - Tadjikistan (Hetlasane Stadium, Hetkali)
MD3:Tadjikistan - Oddslavo (Hetaki Stadium, Hetkali)

*it is night here in the deserted jungles of brazillico. we haven't seen anyone for 13 days. dark, the rain forest shielding us for the most part from the brilliance of the stars. cooler than daylight, but by no means what one would call "cool". and, frankly, not as quiet as one would imagine, as the predators of the jungle, winged and afoot, seek their prey. as to the insect world, it does not acknowledge any difference between day and night. suddenly we hear a slapping sound, as if someone just smacked themself in the forehead, and a nearby shout!*

"Good God! No wonder the Hooligans did so badly! He never posted a roster! No one knew who was on the squad, who was supposed to show up! Good Grief!"

*it is night here in the deserted jungles of brazillico. we haven't seen anyone for 13 days. dark, the rain forest shielding us for the most part from the brilliance of the stars, thank goodness for the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages as he once again seeks to avoid one of the meanest predators in the jungle...margaret...*

:cool:

-----------------------
ooc: does that look like "burgundy" to you?...;)

The Kings and the Slaves
The Isles and the Trees
From Jeremy's Jaffacave
We watch World Cup Sixteen
anon

Group C
Kingsford - Ranked fifth
Audioslavia - Ranked ninth ooc: that colour is meant to be 'claret' :/
Iansisle - Ranked thirty-fifth
Oaker - Ranked Fifty-ninth

Spotlight on Group C:

Kingsford
Colours: changes kit every year, but last time i checked they played in Blue and White
Qualifying record: 22 points from ten games in group 13, finished top
Last three games
W5-0 vs Deadman
D2-2 vs Turori
W4-1 vs Wella
Previous Meetings
Audioslavia 3-3 Kingsford (WC4 first round in Brazillico)
Audioslavia 1-0 Kingsford (WC7 first round in Audioslavia)
Audioslavia 0-1 Kingsford (WC10 second round in Giant Zucchini?)
Audioslavia 2-2 Kingsford (WC15 first round in Eauz)
Predicited Outcome: Kingsford 3-0 Audioslavia


Iansisle
Colours: White and Green
Qualifying record: 18 points from ten games in group 14, finished top
Last three games
W3-0 vs Soccer Hooliganism
L0-1 vs Cockbill Street
D3-3 vs Commerce Heights
Previous Meetings
Audioslavia 1-1 Iansisle (WC12 qualifier in Iansisle)
Audioslavia 1-0 Iansisle (WC12 qualifier in Audioslavia)
Audioslavia 2-0 Iansisle (WC13 qualifier in Audioslavia)
Audioslavia 0-0 Iansisle (WC13 qualifier in Iansisle)
Predicted Outcome: Audioslavia 1-0[/b]

Oaker
Colours: Purple and White (judging from the flag)
Qualifying record: 19 points from ten games in group 3, finished second behind Svecia
Last three games
D1-1 vs Svecia
D1-1 vs Snub Nose 38
D0-0 vs Hypercapitalizm
Previous Meetings
None
Predicted Outcome: Audioslavia 2-2 Oaker

Audioslavia win by a country isle
'slaves 3, Ians 0

Audioslavia's unbeaten record against Iansisle remained intact after an impressive display in the KaMaRi kaletri stadium in Rejistania.

Audioslavia

1
Scott

6 2 5 3
Romanov Pearce Rep O`Rourke

7 8 4 11
Johansen Neeskens Croft Jaynes

19 20
Bracken Laver


10 9
Trevor Trevors

11 8 4 7
Trevinho Trev Trev0r Trevista

3 5 6 2
Travis Trevorz Trevov Treffor

1
Trevvo

Iansisle

get your squad list up you tart :p

From the off neither side looked in control. Arrays of sloppy passes and mis-timed tackles littered the first half and the two sides would frequently get bogged down in midfield. Trevorz, Croft and Laver all found themselves with bookings, with the latter almost getting sent off after a clumsy late challenge on Travis.

The first half weilded few chances, Laver saw a long range effort fly over the bar whilst at the other end, a close-range Trevors header was saved comfortably by James Scott.

With the first half scoreline at nil-nil and the match going nowhere, both sides sought tactical changes at half-time. Audioslavia brought on Khully Tanner for an Didi Romanov and switched to a 3-5-2 system with Tanner playing in front of the two midfielders. Iansisle subsituted the number 10 Trevor for their number 20, also probably called Trevor.

It was Iansisle who had the first proper oppotunity of the half. The substitute Trevor played a beautiful ball in for Trevors to run on to. In acres of space with just the advancing keeper to beat, Trevors took his time and picked his spot, only to see his shot rebound of Scott's legs. Trev followed on with the rebound but saw his shot ping off of Ben Pearce's shins.

The Ians faithful groaned, and Audioslavia went on the counter attack. Their foray into Ians territory was to prove more fruitful.

Neat interplay by Croft and Jaynes on the left saw Aidey Jaynes put through past the flailing Iansisle full back. A square ball found Danny Bracken who placed his shot past the keeper to the right hand side of the goal, one-nil.

Iansisle seemed to have no reply, and six minutes later the 'slaves grabbed a second when Khully Tanner pounced on a dropped cross.

Two-nil up with half an hour to go, the 'slaves hit cruise control and set about defending their lead. Ally Ricketts came on for Jordi Neeskens to bring Audioslavia back to a 4-4-2 formation, whilst Aiden Carsley replaced a tiring Ben Pearce. However, Iansisle looked to have nothing in the tank for last quarter of the game, and with more fruitless attacks, the 'slaves found themselves having more and more effective counter attacks, resulting finally with an 80th minute winner for James Laver.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 3 - (Bracken 54, Tanner 60, Laver 80)
Iansisle 0

((believe me, between moving and the umpteen billion other RPs I'm participating in, even typing out three or four hundred words every couple matches is all I can handle. :P))

Ians Lose

IANAPALIS, Iansisle -- There’s no way around it. The draws were announced: Kingsford (“ah, we can take them!”), Oaker (“Who?”), and ... Audioslavia.

The ‘slaves and the Ians may have only met in two world cup qualifiers, but both times have been an utter disaster for the Ians. The ‘slaves beat or drew with us and went on to greater and greater exploits in the Cup, and the Ians went home and cried despite being, in at least one case, favored for their group.

Is this the way the first time Iansisle ever topped their group will go down in history? With them losing in the first round, beaten by everyone who laid eyes upon them because of that infernal bad luck charm, Audioslavia? This reporter hopes not - but also knows better.

Ians Lose! - BADLY

Well, the bad news didn’t take long in coming. All we had to do was glance in Audioslavia’s direction, and before you knew it - poof! A three - zero defeat on our record. According to the nifty statistics compiled by an anonymous Audioslavian reporter, this marks the worst loss by the Ians at the hands of the ‘slaves EVER.

To even have an outside chance at qualifying now, Iansisle will have to win its games against Kingsford and Oaker. Oaker might be lower ranked, but they’re still no slouches, and Kingsford is still the group’s top ranked side.

The result of the Kingsford-Oaker match is still unknown. Most Ians fans seem to be vaguely hoping for either a draw or an Oaker upset, but generally agree that no result short of both teams somehow losing is really all that favorable.

The sun was shining brightly on this afternoon in the eastern part of KaMaRi kali, there were some clouds in the sky, but Riandu and the Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium were not affected by them anyhow. The temperature was rather cool, but the many foreign visitors considers this rather pleasent, the fact that air conditioning is rather uncommon in the Rejis might be one of the reasons for that. Today, many foreign visitors were in Riandu and Sen-La-Sa~o, but not because of the celebration of a certain tari-inikresaistic holiday or to see the famous archtecture of this part of KaMari kali, but because today was THE DAY: the day for the start of the world cup and here in the Rejis, Nanti Simu, KaMaRi kali, Riandu kalesa (ooc: a kalesa is like a quarter of a city but bigger) the opening ceremony took place.

The Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium was totally sold out and millions of spectators watched on TV. Suddently, strange sounds were heard, a cheering started and the opening ceremony began: the sounds became a melody: it was a strange remix of Carneval de Paris. The flags of the participating nations were carried through the stadium by people wearing the different national colors. when the msuic faded, Teke Daran, chief of the Rejistanian FA, started his speech in his normal slow and accented english: "Hejida to everyone watching this cefremony here or in front of the TV" (cheering interrupted him) "The world cup is no event like any other in the big NationStates universe, it is a highlight! Millions...well, rather billions, of people may be divided by nationality but unirted by their love for soccer, football, sekhika or however you call it. This is one of the largest peaceful events..." he was interred, a group of fans from non-qualified nations in their respective national colors entered the field, the police reacted quickly and tried to arrest the Melmondians, Halfassed, Soccer Hooliganism, Belmorians, Turoris and Snub nosers, but they were a large group and the rejistanian police was not at all prepared for that. Eventually the 50 'fans' were brought to the 'hotel with the barred windows' (the prison)Teke Daran was shocked and just said: "Let the opening ceremony begin!" and quieter, but due to the microphone good to understand: "it can't get worse anymore."

The ceremony itself was as beautiful as it could be. Skilled dancers in the different costumes of the nations showed short traditional dances. After that, they all danced an artistic dance, not resembling any national style in particular but resembling of every single one. A colorful celebration of unity and diversity. then the music faded,the dancers left and the opening match could begin....

If you really, really can't figure out who Tom Berry is a reference to, you're either a) a stubborn liberal or b) horribly uninformed.

Or, just possibly, c) Not American. ;)

In a broadcast into Kingsford, TBTV introduced its zany new cartoon character, Large Tush.

"Hi, i'm Large Tush. I am in favour of entering the World Cup because the opposing teams are a clear and present danger to our way of life. We stand tall against them! (short pause, news whispered from off screen.) OK, they are building a hellmouth using zombie dust from Niger. (more whispering. Large Tush makes a face like a chimp.) Not, not Niger, Gilmeecia. (whispers) What do you mean Gilmeecia has vanished? Why wasn't i informed? (more whispers) OK, i am in favour of entering the World Cup because it is a threat to its own people. We shall stand tall! I am now in favour of entering the World Cup because Brazillico uses bad grammar. No, because .... OK, Dick, you decide what to do. What? What's that about a duck?"

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

Eagles' Wings Almost Clipped

A FIVE goal thriller in Total n Utter Insanity produced much excitement but no points for the Celestials in their World Cup Finals debut. A three-two near miss saw the Strike Birds work hard for their three points.

Either side could have taken the lead in the first fifteen minutes, but despite Ari Smith pulling a shot into the side netting, and Siggy Secour and Greg Sedora both pulling fine stops out of Adam Vernazza, the score remained goalless. It would take a moment of magnificent skill to break the deadlock, and on twenty-seven minutes, the moment came. It was a magnificent cross-field ball from Chris Lydersen to find Stephen Xousa, and his square ball was effortlessly dummied by Smith to leave Cecil Poldov a sight of goal. Poldov struck with pace and swerve, and poor Boyd Gregor could only watch as the ball sped past him.

The lead lasted all of four minutes. The Strike Birds were somewhat annoyed at having conceded to a team expected to be the group whipping boys, and waves of red shirts streamed forward. A Secour shot forced a corner, and the resulting set-piece saw Oline Somia leap highest and nod home. Her celebration was a little overstated, and deserved a three-year streaking ban rather than the yellow card she received. Such are the perils of wearing a sports bra made in Eauz.

The second half saw more pressure from The Eagles Nest, and the game's third goal, once again coming from a set play. Although Yves Davison managed to head away Sedora's curling free kick, the ball fell only as far as Mario Grotunia on the edge of his box. His thunderbolt crashed into the net like a drag racer with faulty brakes. T.E.N. 2, Krytenia 1, and still half an hour to play. The Strike Birds had done enough to take the points, right?

Wrong. Krytenia managed to get a foothold back in the game, and when a hoofed clearance found substitute Steve Ellis, things became a bit more interesting. Ellis beat the first man, and by the time he reached the second, the hitherto invisible Colin Ulvæus drifted into view. One precise pass later, and the Elders forward was away with just Gregor to beat. The goalie never stood a chance; two-all.

One point for the Celestials would have been just reward. However, it was not to be. When Ryan Carew pulled down sub Aman Dedur with just the keeper to beat, nothing but a red card and penalty would do. Secour stepped up, aimed, and fired; Vernazza guessed right but was nowhere near it, and the Strike Birds stole the points with just four minutes left on the clock.

Hosts T.n.U.I. are the next opponents for the Celestials, and the Insanicians are hot favourites for the match after their 2-0 defeat of Mattigool. Frankly, Krytenia must, must win this to have any realistic hopes of geting through.

KRYTENIA - 2
Poldov 27, Ulvæus 76

THE EAGLES NEST - 3
Somia 31, Grotunia 60, Secour 86 pen

SCORERS:FINALS
Cecil POLDOV - 1
Colin ULVÆUS - 1

SCORERS:QUALIFIERS
Ari SMITH - 6 (incl. 1 hat trick, and 1 penalty)
Colin ULVÆUS - 5 (incl. 1 hat trick)
Stephen XOUSA - 3
Roger CELSEN - 2
Acienko RIMMER - 1
Adam VERNAZZA - 1
plus 3 goals awarded in w/o vs The Water Cooler

v NASTIC II W 3-1 (Xousa, Smith, Celsen)
v The Gulf States W 4-0 (Ulvæus 3, Rimmer)
@ The Water Cooler W 4-0 (Ulvæus 2, Smith, Xousa)
v Squornshelous L 1-3 (Smith)
v Nikea L 0-1
@ NASTIC II W 3-0 (Smith 3)
@ The Gulf States W 2-1 (Vernazza, Celsen)
v The Water Cooler Walkover
@ Squornshelous W 1-0 (Xousa)
@ Nikea L 0-3

Finals (Rejistania)
v The Eagles Nest L 2-3 (Poldov, Ulvæus)
v Total n Utter Insanity
v Mattigool

Strike Birds Win On Late Penalty

TEN takes 3 points from Krytenia 3-2

Press Conference After the Game

*Many hands raise, and Coach Adams points to one.*

"Coach I am hearing rumors of kumquat abuse. How do you respond to that?"

*Coach Adams stares blankly at the reporter* Um, what are you talking about?

*Reporter checks his notes* "Oh, sorry wrong press conference" *flips pages* "Ahh, um, with the late penalty saving the game, were you worried of giving 2 points away?"

Adams: "Not really, Dedur had the angle on the keeper, could have shot high, could have shot far side, the keepr had committed up and was out of position. The Krytenia defender knew it and that was why he did that tackle."

Reporter 2: "You play Mattigool next, who lost 2 nil to TnUI. Is this a must win game?"

Adams: "At this point we have a bit of leeway that one win doesn't guarantee us a transfer slot, but it can make it very easy to move on. Now saying that, I don't like losses or ties in group play. 4 points really only gets one through when you got a tie and a win in teh first day. However, TnUI and us can clinch spots if we both win tomorrow...then our game on Group Day 3 only determines the placement in teh knockout rounds."

Reporter 3: "Ok, so about this kumquat thing that that guy brough up, have there been any charges filed?"

Adams: *blank stare* Next question.

Reporter 4: "You subbed in some new players today. Any reason why?"

Adams: "Not really, They had been practicing well and I gave them a chance and they did well."

Reporter 3: "So I assume you are stating no comment on the abuse scandel?"

Adams: "What the slani are you talking about? Are you sure you have the right coach?"

Reporter 3: "Um, I don't know...I was just trying to piggyback on that one guy"

*Adams shakes his head and then is informed his time is up and leaves the conference*


TEN 3 - Krytenia 2
TnUI 2 - Mattigool 0


Group F

Pos Team G W D L F A GD Pts
1 Total n Utter Insanity 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 3
2 The Eagles Nest 1 1 0 0 3 2 1 3
3 Krytenia 1 0 0 1 2 3 -1 0
4 Mattigool 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Upset Curse Over
Lions actually manage to beat Turnia

MATIX KALI, Rejistania -- The Turnia Dragons are the lowest-ranked team in World Cup XVI Group B and the Bedistan Lions are the highest-ranked. But this was by no means a guarantee that the Lions would win the day, as the qualifying matches against Ineptia showed. However, thousands of Bedistani fans in the stadium helped give the striking duo of Jackson Reinhardt and Benjamin Xi the motivation they needed to perform at their best. Underdogs Turnia went all-out on the attack, leaving goalkeeper Hank Paulsen required to perform at his absolute best, but Bedistan's defense held strong to get the shutout.

Final score:
Bedistan 2 (Reinhardt 15, Xi 38)
Turnia 0

In other Group B news, Vilita and Gesamtkuntswerk drew, though the exact score is unknown. An anonymous Vilitan FA official has commented that this effectively means that the Lions are already "through to the next round". But be assured, team manager Brandon Barton is still treating the remaining two games as must-wins for the time being.

Or, just possibly, c) Not American. ;)

In a broadcast into Kingsford, TBTV introduced its zany new cartoon character, Large Tush.

"Hi, i'm Large Tush. I am in favour of entering the World Cup because the opposing teams are a clear and present danger to our way of life. We stand tall against them! (short pause, news whispered from off screen.) OK, they are building a hellmouth using zombie dust from Niger. (more whispering. Large Tush makes a face like a chimp.) Not, not Niger, Gilmeecia. (whispers) What do you mean Gilmeecia has vanished? Why wasn't i informed? (more whispers) OK, i am in favour of entering the World Cup because it is a threat to its own people. We shall stand tall! I am now in favour of entering the World Cup because Brazillico uses bad grammar. No, because .... OK, Dick, you decide what to do. What? What's that about a duck?"

Granted, but still, it seems everyone I talk to is has an agenda for his instatement.


A Statement from Tom Berry:

"We should never, ever need to go to the World Cup! Large Tush has led us into the World Cup on lies! Lies which I never supported (just don't look at my record.) We need to oust Large Tush from his office in Burungian TV, which has infiltrated our borders. Burungian broadcasts can be picked up by most Kingsforder border towns, and are a threat to our nations. With the messages of Large Tush seeming across our border, we think that the Burungians possess TOP and could use them against us. I fully support going to World Cup against Tanah Burung, because of the resounding evidence of their posession of TOP! Furthermore, I'd like to say that I'm hungry. Yes, I am. Actually, no I'm not. Well I guess I am... No, no I'm not... Maybe, maybe."

A note to the WCC Host Selection Committee: PLEASE REVOTE for CoH.
As I was not informed of the bid cancellation and was not asked, the bid will go on.

COMMERCE HEIGHTS 1 ODDSLAVO 3*
In this match report brought to you by the Defence Ministry of Oddslavo, we take a look at the amazing win over the world champions! We tossed them aside in a brilliant encounter! In fact, we won by two goals! They are useless, puny, and terribly lousy! Remember, Oddslavo is the best! [/propaganda]




*Actual score is 3-1

1 point for Tadjikistan

Tigers steal point from Tanah Burung with 2-2 draw

Hetkali - Some of the Tigers looked abit worried, others couldnt hide their happiness, yes the young members of the team were eager to play and show what they are worth. The first to do that was Zhilenkov, in the 24th minute he recuperated the ball from a duel between Terekhin and Kaisiepo. Zhilenkov moved towards the goal, passed a defender and scored his first goal with a shot in the right corner of the goal.

Tanah Burung came back however, they wouldnt give us the 3 points. In the 38th minute Budiarjo scored Tanah Burungs first goal of the match. Triandafillov saw what happened but remained calm; a draw was a good start. But it almost went wrong, when Tanah Burungs Anderson Mutang scored a second goal in the 44th minute.

The tigers wanted to score, it wasnt easy to get a chance but when Pliiev got his in the 63th minute, he didnt hesitate to score the equalizer. The Tigers saw an opportunity to take 3 points and went on attacking but they couldnt get through again ending the game in a 2-2 draw. A good result against a stronger opponent, Triandafillov commented: "We've saved our honor by scoring and taking atleast one point... The young players have a bright future ahead and proved they could take on a much stronger opponent." Now if they could just do that again in the next game against Commerce Heights.

Goals
Zhilenkov 24"(0-1), Budiarjo 38"(1-1), Mutang 44"(1-1), Pliiev 63"(2-2)

Tanah Burung
Andi Mallarageng, D.N. Aidit, Arlindo Zachary, Lukman, Francisco do Amaral, Anderson Mutang (c), Viktor Kaisiepo, Dita Sari, Muchtar Pakpahan, Carmel Budiarjo, Tan Malaka

Tadjikistan
Yashin, Aleinikov, Kuznetsov, Zhilenkov, Gromov, Pliiev, Bagramian, Terekhin, Pavlov, Suvorov, Cherniakhovskij



MD1:Tanah Burung - Tadjikistan D 2-2
MD2:Commerce Heights - Tadjikistan
MD3:Tadjikistan - Oddslavo


Pos Team G W D L F A GD Pts
1 Commerce Heights 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 3
2 Tanah Burung 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
3 Tadjikistan 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
4 Oddslavo 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0

Just hope its correct, i did it rather fast.

Sirake Tekim: Hejida listeners, here is Radio RejisCAST, the only english speaking radio in entire Rejistania. Today is the time, many Rejistanians waited for: The Orange-Blues have their first match after winning the IRC tourney, which had no relevance at all. For us just a few blocks away in Riandu and in the Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium is Elin Ri. Hejida Elin!

Elin Ri: Hejida Sirake

ST: Why are you back at our radio station?

ER: I am a tech and at the rejistanian state television nothing went wrong.

ST: Be honest!

ER: I am! Can you imagine how dull life can be without solving problems?

ST: You're kidding!

ER: Nilha!

ST: I am trying to get a better job since years and he quits the better job for work here...

ER: Shit happens...

ST: Yeah, it does. Well, is it time for predictions and wild speculations about our group?

ER: Yeah, I guess so... Rejistania, Kaze Progressa, Lovisa and Wella... does that sound like a group of death?

ST: Somehow it does! If we look at much easier groups where the Orange-Blues didn't qualify from.

ER: Yeah right, I remember 4 years ago... not really pleasant.

ST: Yes, but this time we have a more experienced team.

ER: I can only hope that that'll make a difference.

ST: We both only can and do... Did you hear any news from Brazillico?

ER: Are you kidding or did you smoke too much bad stuff? No one heard news from there after the apathy-virus struck.

ST: The right answer was 'I did not and I don't care!'

ER: (laughs) yeah! Well, we overdrew our pointless talk quota for today, time for the real facts! The Orange-Blues will play in a 4-4-2 System Imdila. Hetaneserari Ky is goalkeeper...

ST: The Isesi?

ER: Yeah.

ST: I wonder why he doesn't have a nickname...

ER: Would be good, yeah. He is terrible for radio-moderators. The defenders are: Kadu Hsen, Kansu Xana, Dini Y and Xenra Ji. Our midfield consists of: Ita Syku, Exke Hail, Idine Takil and Liy Ra. Our forwards are: Syku Lyku and Lyku Ju.

ST: Jenji Y is not starting?

ER: No. Laxtu Takil said he is too much of a joker. You could substitute him in in the 89th minute when you are trailing 5:0 and he'd guarantee a win.

ST: True, I remember his 90th minute goals against Hetlasane in the H1SR.

ER: Now for Wella... (a suppressed 'bah, is this computer slow' is heard) Goalkeeper is Marian Skoczen, defenders are Jerzy Lotko, Bogdan Wojton, Jacek Grocki and Marek Bobak. The midfield consists of: Aleksander Keller, Robert Sarapata, Michal Heger, Pawel Valde-Nowak and Leszek Pabijan. The forward in that System Jesejil is Tomasz Lange.

ST: Pretty strange names...

ER: Yeah, but that's relative. I'd like to see the Wellan radio moderators try to pronounce our names. Well, the national anthems start. Stand up for the rejistanian national anthem!

(The rejistanian national anthem is heard, the rejistanian fans sing it 'competition style' again and RejisCAST bleeps one part of that out. then the Wellan anthem is heard without incidents hapening during it.)

ST: The Rejistanians were pretty loud this time...

ER: Yeah, the Rejistanian fans are a majority in the stadium, but also the Wellan fans sung there anthem pretty enthusiastic... all 5 of them.

ST: 5 Wellan fans? That is a proof for their devotion to soccer.

ER: Well, the match is starting... (he waits, a whistle is heard) ...now.

(20th minute)
ER: ...SyMji to Ju'he, no, Lotko'he interferes, that was a really good chance and the first really good chance in this match of two defensive teams.

(31st minute)
ER: Lyku Ju outsmarts one.. two ... three Wellan players, i in good position.. but prefers to pass to SyMji,.... GOAL! SyMji archieved the 1:0 in the 31st minute!

(halftime)
ER: That is the end of the first half. We can say that the Orange-Blues were pretty much dominating the first half, but they have problems with defensive teams.

ST: Always and and always will have, yeah... They always liked to react rather than to act.

(87th minute)
ER: The Orange-Blues are still leading 1:0 after the goal of SyMji, the one big chance for Wella in the 78th minute was spoiled by the Karelians Dini Y and Xenra Ji. It seems The Orange-Blues just want to end this game and are satisfied with their score. the match became more defensively in the last minutes. Substitution: SyMji is replaced by Jenji Y.

ST: Time for the joker?

ER: Yeah, even though we aren't trailing 5:0. Wow, the match is starting again and it is starting again with new spirit from the rejistanian side, Exke Hail stole the ball from Heger'he passes to Ju'he, he passes to Jenji Y... and jeji Y... past Skoczen'he... GOOOOAAAAAAL! That is the 2:0 in the 88th minu... (a knck is heard and the connection seems to be lost)

ST: Elin?

ER: Yeah, we are still leading and I am still here. just needed to smack some systems to keep them working.

(93rd minute)
ER: The three minutes additional time are over.... now, Rejistania won over Wella 2:0! Back to KaMaRi.

ST: You are in KaMaRi too...

ER: Back to the regular programme.

The Trial of Bill Posters
Day 2 - Witness 2

Call Trevor Welsh (via. videophone from Rejistania.)

Owen Kelly (prosecution): Mr Welsh, you were close to your father, yes?

Welsh: "I was, yes"

Kelly: "You are also good friends with Mr. Posters, yes?"

Welsh: "Yes."

Kelly: "So can you think of any reason why Mr. Posters would want to shoot your father dead?"

Welsh: "Don't be stupid! I know Bill didn't do it, he was passing me the ball at the time, there's no way it could have been him!"

Kelly: "You are one hundred per cent sure of this?"

Welsh: "Yes."

Kelly: "Riiiiight..." *thinks about it for a minute* "You don't think your memory could be a little dodgy, Mr. Welsh."

Welsh: "No chance. I can remember everything."

Kelly: "But emotions were running high. There was a lot happening to you at the time, wasn't there?"

Welsh: "There was."

Kelly: "So surely in the emotional time surrounding your father's untimely death, surely there must be a great possibility that you could have got caught up in it all, that you are just remembering what you think you remember, but not what actually happened, to convince yourself that it wasn't your friend Bill Posters who did it, it was someone else."

Welsh: "No! no! there's no chance it could be like that!"

Kelly: "No further questions."

Wayne Kerr (defence): "Mr. Welsh, at the time of your father's death, you were playing for the NEWI Cefn Druids national football team, is that correct?"

Welsh: "Yes it is."

Kerr: "Would I be correct in saying that the match in question was televised across the nation?"

Welsh: "You would."

Kerr: "And roughly how many people would you say tuned in to watch?"

Welsh: "I don't know. 350 million. Maybe more."

Kerr: "So all of these people would have been watching the game as your father was killed?"

Welsh: "Yes."

Kerr: "And they all saw that the accused, Mr Posters, was passing the ball to you at the very same moment?"

Welsh: "Yes."

Kerr: "No further questions."



The Daily Druid

ORANGE RESCUES POINT
Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin on Oglethorpia 1 NEWI Cefn Druids 1

A late Horace Orange goal earned the Druids a lucky point against Oglethorpia here in Rejistania, equalising Ruben van Mistletoe's earlier penalty that seemed to have confined the Druids to defeat.

The Druids were without Bill Posters and Trevor Welsh for this match, as both were involved in Posters' murder trial. However, they were replaced by quality players in Trevor Collins and Mo Leicester, both of whom fit into the Druid midfield well. However, midway through the first half, Leicester decided it would be a good idea to kick Hans Gelb in an area that it usually hurts in, this time being no exception. Posters was promptly sent of by the Melmish referee, and a penaltty was awarded, van Mistletoe putting it away with ease.

The Oglethorpians could then sit back, using their 6-2-2 formation to frustrate the Druids ten men. Even the introduction of young striker Trevor Law for Amos Hinton, taking the Druids to a 3-3-3 formation, couldn't break the stubborn defence of the oppoisition. Then, in the dying minutes, the Druids' half Oglethorpian player Horace Orange cracked home an unstoppable volley from the edge of the penalty area that got the Druids a draw. Luckily, Welsh should be back to replace Leicester in the next match, which is against the Druids favourite opponents (the players' wives are nearly on first name terms now, even though Mock Welsh isn't widely spoken there), Eauz.

Final score:
Oglethorpia 1 [Van Mistletoe (pen) 23]
NEWI Cefn Druids 1 [Orange 89, Leicester sent off 23]

NATIONAL IDENTITY CONFIRMED
By Ian Question Mark.

After years of not having a proper word to call someone from NEWI Cefn Druids (other than Trevor), the government of NEWI Cefn Druids have made it official that those from NEWI Cefn Druids, and, indeed, Flexsys Cefn Druids, shall be officially Druidish.

"Being just a Druid was kinda... well... boring. It made us less nation-like ithout an ending. Now we hope to clear up any confusion, we are not Druidian or Druidi or just plain old Druid. Druidish it is. Unless anyone says anything else."

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

LATE NIGHT SNORE
Lightning can't buy a goal

Spaam 2 Svecia 0

SIKE KALI, Rejistania - What a performance. If there were ever a group of players who had as much consistency as this group, Svecia has never seen it. Their consistency, somewhere between creamed corn and a banana shake, still has not improved in the World Cup finals since the team took third place last in WC7.

Last night's performance just underlined that point. Not including the last cup in which the team was left out, Svecia has gone 4-5 in World Cup finals matches dating back to WC13 including last night's game. The Lightning haven't had a winning Cup record since World Cup 7.

Many wondered if this would be the year, then, when the drought finally ended. Certainly there is enough talent on the team to do it. Since Francisco Carati left the team after WC14, the names of Hanan Belagt and Mikael Solskjaer have dominated the newspaper headlines. Not today however.

In fact, the Lightning as a team only had four shots the entire match. One was on goal, and that was a deflected shot that would have gone wide of the goal otherwise.

Spaam stormed out into the match with an impressive aerial display. Out of the first 7 shots of the first half, 6 were off of headers, including both their goals. The first was in the 8th minute off a cross, and the second came barely three minutes after in the 11th minute, also off a cross.

The Lightning defense seemed to have no answer for the crosses. It didn't help that the presence veteran defender Karl Mayha, who retired earlier this week, wasn't there. His replacement Gottlieb Frisk seemed nervous and edgy in his national team debut.

The midfield also seemed nervous and edgy as they gave up more balls than they were able to move forward. And at the top, the combination of Belagt and Solskjaer was shut down easily as both players seemed to be more intent on scoring themselves than working combinations.

With their backs at the wall now, one can only hope the Lightning will turn it on for the next two matches. The Oranje fans that filled the stadium will hope too. And the millions watching at home. One can only hope the players will see thier support which led them to a first place finish in qualifying.

The Red Dot Informant

Who knows if it was a stroke of luck, but for the second time in ORD history, a nation has been removed from the cup to make room for One Red Dot. It did happen before, but which nations were involved has been lost in history, but this time, Larkinia, somehow were taken over by rebel troops and decided to conscript their WC team, so with that extra room, the Wolves take that place.

One Red Dot has been placed in Group H, facing Brazillico, Spaam and Svecia - all of them familiar faces.

Standings after Qualification Rounds

Group H Pts W D L GF:GA GD
0. Brazillico 0 0 0 0 0: 0 0 (Co-Host)
2. Spaam 16 4 4 2 16: 9 7 (Region 8)
1. Svecia 22 7 1 2 17:13 4 (Region 3)
2.* One Red Dot 17 5 2 3 16: 9 7 (Region 5)

Previous Meetings
#8 Brazillico
WC4, First Round, Day 9, Group 7 #12 Brazillico 1-1 Draw
WC15, First Round, Day 19, Group D #9 Brazillico 0-3 Loss

Brazillico, one of the powerhouses of the NSWC, and after reaching the peak of their fame, becoming an ex-nation, then resurrected, and then now one of the top 10 nations, they have earned the right to be one of the very best. However, things won't be looking very good for the Wolves. A 1-2 loss is predicted.

#19 Spaam
WC14, First Round, Day 21, Group C #2 Spaam 3-2 Win
WC15, First Round, Day 21, Group D, #13 Spaam 2-2 Draw

This would be the thirs consecutive time ORD meets Spaam at the First Round - although this time on the 12th day this time (due to shorter qualifiers). Spaam has had their ups and downs and it's very hard to predict their form. A 2-1 win is predicted.

#28 Svecia

No previous meetings, unfortunately. But with 7 wins under their belt, and a good track record, it could get a bit tough. A 1-1 draw is predicted.

Prediction
Group H Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Svecia 5 1 2 0 5: 4 +1
2. Brazillico 4 1 1 1 5: 5 0
3. One Red Dot 4 1 1 1 4: 4 0
4. Spaam 3 1 0 2 4: 5 -1



The Red Dot Informant

ORD lost to Brazillico as expected at the Sike kaletri Stadium in Sike kali, Rejistania, but the goal margin was 1 goal more at 1-3.

In other news, Spaam defeated Svecia 2-0. ORD is currently 3rd.

Group H Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Brazillico 3 1 0 0 3: 1 +2
2. Spaam 3 0 0 0 2: 0 +2
3. One Red Dot 0 0 0 1 1: 3 -2
4. Svecia 0 0 0 1 0: 2 -2

Le LIBRE

Match Day 1 Group stages start

Les Bleus who are expected to win group G came into this match with a few problems with baggage. They did get their baggage in time, but losing it was something unexpected. The first match for Les Bleus was playing at the Nita~eda Ynu Stadium which was an amazing looking stadium. Fans crowded into the stadium from both Lykaia and Eauz in support of their teams. The atmosphere seemed to provide for a great match between these two teams.

The match started off with Lykaia in control of the ball. They sent an attack towards the Eauz zone, but were denied by the strong Eauz defence who kicked it out of play. A throw in for the Lykaia saw their star player get hold of the ball, only to kick it wide of the net. A goal kick by Rousoi sent the ball up field for Les Bleus, but resulted in nothing. The match was quite even between the two teams early. Les Bleus didn’t expect a team such as Lykaia to play as well as they were. The first half saw no great chances as both teams were playing their great defence. The first half ended in a 0 – 0 tie.

The Eauz coach knew that Lykaia would play him the same way, so he set his team to play in a 3 – 3 – 4 formation, putting offence as the major point to his team. The second half started and Les Bleus were once again on the defence against Lykaia who were not extreamly strong, but sneaky. A few weak chances were taken early during the 56th minute of play, but Lykaia found themselves still without a goal. The goal kick was taken as the ball went deep into the Lykaia zone. Joseuf got the ball passing to Vilix who sent a ball towards the net, only to be stopped by the Lykaia keeper. The ball went out of play for a corner kick. As the players gathered in front of the net, Henrey kicked the ball sending it towards the crowd. The ball was hit by an Eauz player sailing into the net. Les Bleus were up 1 – 0 as they were expected to be. A loud roar of Eauz fans sounded as flags and banners were waving around. The goal came during the 80th minute, with little time left for the Lykaia team. Les Bleus went on with a flawless match as they won the match 1 – 0. Les Bleus and their fans were happy, but the coach was not, for the fact that he was playing against the worst of the 3 other teams, and they should have commanded this match. He knew his team would have to improve for the next match against the Druids. The Druids this year of WC and qualifying round have had a record of 1 – 0 -1 against Les Bleus, and this match could prove if the Druids advane or not.


Group G Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Eauz 3 1 0 0 1: 0 +1
2. NEWI Cefn Druids 1 0 1 0 1: 1 0
Oglethorpia 1 0 1 0 1: 1 0
4. Lykaia 0 0 0 1 0: 1 -1


As for Paranoid Bernard who writes for the paper, believes that the Rejistanian hosting of WC16 will cause Les Bleus to lose miserably in a future match bumping them out of the cup.

The Crocodiles had been training hard to play in Brazillico. Suddenly, the word came that their matches were going to be in Rejistania.

"It's a cruel wind that blows, Carmel."

"Yeah, Andy, but think how many colourful native handicrafts we'll sell to the Rejist... Rejihag... Rejisteurish... the local rubes."

So the Crocs hit the field a bit winded. A bit sad they weren't playing next door. A bit airsick from the blimp ride. Never mind: there's football to be played. And the fans in Rejistania were football-mad, so that would be fun.

"Tajikistan came out fighting," said coach Modesto Ruak Ruak. "But we too can fight. We are like crocodiles, the pitch like a nice, warm, stagnant river. One with it, we play silent and swift until the enemy is lured into a sense of false security."

Or in this case, true security. Final score: 2-2. The Crocs will need to do better than that against Oddslavo.

"We shall," said Ruak Ruak. "Our hearts are pure, our minds filled with fighting spirit."

Tanah Burung-Brazillico border

"It's Margaret, i tell you. She did it." A masked figure was leading the jungle search for snubbies squad.

"Did what, coach, i mean, people's representative?"

"Cast a spell on Brazillico. Made it vanish. It's an act of war."

A shout went up. "I see someone -- over there, across the border."

Bi Kikere ripped off her mask and smiled. "Hot pursuit, lads. After them."

News release from the Tanah Burung ministry of sports & territorial defence

The government of Tanah Burung has reason to believe all is not well in Brazillico. As a neighbourly gesture and in the intersts of science and the prevention of disease, we have sent a small investigation mission over the border. Results will be reported. No chiockens were harmed in the making of this news release.

Turnia City Tribune

Associated Press
Matchday 1 Report- World Cup XVI

Turnia takes one on the chin from Bedistan

Out of the fire and into the frying pan as "they" say. The Dragons opened their first match, in their first World Cup against Bedistan, losing 0-2. Even the most hardy optimist would be hard pressed to expect a win versus the #2 ranked team in the World.

However, hope abounded as fans all over Turnia sat in front of their televisions. An unofficial poll of fans was taken prior to the game: 64% predicted a Dragon upset; 34% predicted a defeat; 2% were unsure. "Ahhh, I have to vote with my heart here, not my mind. Turnia over Bedistan 1-0", stated one pollster. But it wasn't meant to be hardy fan.

Bedistan was smothering and the score could have been much worse. Add 1-part greatness and 1-part inexperience, you end up with 3 points going to the better team.

AP

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Vilita [0]-[0] Gesamtkuntswerk

Matix Veran Stadium, Matix kali, Rejistania
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..........The Vilita Jungle Cats proudly opened their World cup 16 campaign in Rejistania in an important Group B matchup with Gesamtkuntswerk. It was the first ever meeting in all competitions between the two teams, and a Win for either would likely see one through to the enxt round, and the other home. 18 year old Right-Sided midfielder Tanner got a surprise starting role after impressing in the AOCAF tournament, with Jonathon Stott out inured. Jürgen Ramzi retained the captains armband after Santo Kecker once again missed out on the side, while the experienced Jim Vella was preferred to the out-of-form Germán Salomón in attack. A surprise inclusion on the bench was u21 Head Coach Baron O'Toole, returning from International Retirement for the World Cup Finals.

..........The Match started out as a tough affair, with much of the action being played in the midfield. Jürgen Ramzi controlled the match early and earned the armband in which he wore. Neither goalkeeper was seriously tested in the first half hour, a few long shots only kept the 11th men on their feet. The Jungle Cats were put into shock with 10 minutes remaining in the first half. Top Goalscorer Callum Banda found himself on the floor after starting a run towards goal. Play stopped for a few minutes while the physio came on, and Banda was unable to continue, Germán Salomón replacing the Marine Coast Forward. Salomón almost made an instant impression, firing against the bar just moments after coming on, but unable to break the deadlock, the match going into the half tied at 1.

..........The second half was no brighter, with both teams looking like they were playing to keep from losing, as opposed to playing to win. In an attempt to brighten the game, coach Helmut Vilkaus made two attacking-minded changes with 15 minutes to play. Captain Jürgen Ramzi and Defender Danilo Liguori were removed in favor of youthful midfielder Malovar Stokks and Experienced Utility player Baron O'Toole. O'Toole assummed the captaincy from Ramzi, The u21 coach making his first Senior appearance since the WC13 Cup of Tardy match against The Weegies. However, while the change added a little spark to the game, the Jungle Cats were unable to break through the Gesamtkuntswerk wall, and the match would end in a 0-0 draw.

..........The Draw leaves Vilita and Gesamtkuntswerk level on 1 point in 2nd in the World Cup Group B table with 2 matches remaining. In the other Group B match, Bedistan defeated Turnia 2-0. The Jungle Cats will play Bedistan on Matchday 2, the two Nations who have long been political allies meeting on the field for the first time. The Jungle Cats future may depend however, on the Gesamtkuntswerk-Turnia matchup, with a draw being the best result for Vilita.



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Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Enzo Ahat, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Esemar Aliana, [DM] Antonis Ratuva, [M] Santo Kecker, [M] Marasent Sioane, [M] Calaesa Mitaroka, [M] Jonathon Baledrokadroka, [F] Serge DuPont, [F] Carmine Mbidzo
BENCH::
[F] Germán Salomón, [F] Jan Christiansen, [M] Christian Dogbé, [M] Umberto Melli, [U] Tanner Nerni, [D] Ricky Ezis, [GK] Massimo Corsi


O'Toole Returns to International Scene
..........Vilitan u21 National team Coach and former Vilitan National team player Baron O'Toole has told Jungle Cat head coach and good friend Helmut Vilkaus that he will be available for selection during the Jungle Cats World Cup 16 campaign. The 34 year old Attacking midfielder retired after the Jungle Cats inagural World Cup campaign, where he made 15 appearances and recorded a goal in the decisive 4-2 victory over Aserjin. O'Toole was named Midfielder of the Year in the Vilitan Stellar Division, as was named to the Vilitan Player of the year Shortlist during Season One after finishing second in the Vilitan Domestic scoring charts, and was awarded Manager of The Year after leading Marine Coast to the Stellar Division Championship in season two.

..........O'Toole coached the u21 side to the Final of the 3rd World Cup u21 Championships, losing 4-3 to Jeruselem in the final, and has also taking control of the AOCAF Regional side competing while Helmut Vilkaus led the Senior side in the World Cup. It is unknown whether O'Toole has made himself available for Away matches, or only home matches so as he can continue his work with the AOCAF Squad, or if someone else will take the coaching role of the AOCAF squad for the 2nd AOCAF Championships upcoming in the Atlantian Oceania Region.



Turoki Isle sign Eauz National Keeper
Turoki Isle FC Press Release, Turoki Island, Vilita::
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------------Turoki Isle have signalled their intention to snap out of their uncharacteristic run of Mid-Table finishes in the Vilitan Stellar Division by signing 24 year old Eauz International Goalkeeper Michël Rousoi. Rousoi has conceded just 4 goals in Eauz's World Cup 16 Qualifying campaign, and looks set to continue that record into the world cup finals. Turoki Isle have had a strong squad and were tipped to challenge for the Stellar Division championship in Season One, however, a lack of goalkeeping competence has seen the Islanders to a negative goal differential in each of the Stellar Division Seasons, ending Season 3 in an unimpressive 9th place standing , 30 points off the top 2. However, The split between the top 9 and the bottom 5 is noticable and with the signing of Rousoi Turoki are sure to compete once again for Silverware come the end of Season 4.


Reserve Players Impress in Lamoni Test

Turoki National Stadium, Turoki City, Vilita::
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------------Under 21 Newcomers Christos Tchami of Cedniavella and Mauro Baraza of Newly-Promoted Stellar Division side Eastal Lunar made their Jungle-Cat Debuts against Lamoni in the Final AOCAF II Group A Qualifying Matchup. Joining them on the bench would be Kirota Locals youth prospect Jeremie Emeka, The first player ever called for International Duty from the Kirota region, and joining Defensive Midfield prospect Lai Otieno as the only recognized Vilitan-Based internationals playing outside the Top Two Tiers of the Vilitan League. Nicoló Alicicco's inclusion behind the midfield suggests that the 29 year old Colonial Sile midfielder may be set for a shocking call into the 23-Man World Cup Finals Squad. Lamoni started the match well and was able to score early against the AOCAF II hosts. The crowd at Turoki National was left in silence when the Falcons took the lead 10 minutes from the interval.

------------The Jungle Cats made one Change at the half, with Debutant Tchami being replaced with fellow u21 Newcomer Emeka, in what appeared to be a pre-determined substitution. The change paid instant dividends for the hosts when Emeka worked well down the left, getting a cross deep into the Lamoni area which Mauro Baraza emphatically powered into the back of the net, scoring on his debut and pushing well for a place in the u21 starting lineup. 15 Minutes later, The Jungle Cats would make another substitution, with Alicicco making way for National Team Captain Santo Kecker, looking for 25 minutes of fitness to prepare for the World Cup Finals. Kecker proved his talent well on a 78th minute free kick, leaving the Lamoni keeper no chance and sending the Jungle Cats into the AOCAF II Quarter Finals on a 4 match winning streak. The Jungle Cats Opponent in the Quarter Finals will once again be Lamoni, who despite the loss were able to hold on to the 4th position in Group A over Krytenia.



http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/schedXV.gif
Finals Matches:
M01: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [0] - [0] Gesamtkuntswerk
M02: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] Bedistan
M03: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] Turnia

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

LIGHTNING STUN BRAZILLICO
Defense holds off late charge, Van Meer penalty

Brazillico 0 Svecia 1

SIKE KALI, Rejistania - Hanan Belagt acted like a veteran last night. In fact so did the rookie Gottlieb Frisk, playing in only his second international game.

Without Belagt's 15th minute goal, the Lightning and hosts get only one point. Without Frisk's incredible diving header at his own goal line in the 72nd minute, Brazillico save their skins. And without Piet van Meer's PK save in the 84th minute, the Lightning start packing for home.

But it wasn't to be last night for the co-hosts. But despite neither team playing in their home country, Brazillico had almost a 4-1 advantage in the number of fans able to get tickets. The Oranje Svecia fans, to their credit, were quite loud: both in their dress and their cheering. The bright orange contingent stood way out behind the north goal area, as did their cheers of 'Donder! Blitzen!' the favorite cheer of the Lightning. And when Belagt scored his goal off a beautiful header from Mikael Solskjaer's cross, the orange fans made their voices sound as loud as a it does at a home game.

Brazillico put pressure on the Svecikan defense for the entire game, outshooting the Lightning 7-3 in the first half, and 11-2 in the second. Their best chances came in the 72nd and 84th minute.

The first one was a corner for Brazillico that should have been an easy take. But as Van Meer came out to punch the ball away, a Brazillican defender bumped van Meer from below and van Meer flipped like a trout. The ball dropped to an attacking forward, but his shot was a weak floater on an empty net due to Tomas Kristiansand's hard tackle. But the rookie Gottlieb Frisk, in place of the retired Karl Mayha, was on the near post and dove parallel with the goal line to head the ball out of danger. "I wanted to make up for my mistakes in the last match. I didn't want to lose again" Frisk said after the match.

In the 84th minute, a Brazillican striker pushed down the right side of the penalty area and scooted past Mehmet Bayern, but Bayern's attempted tackle caught the attcker's leg instead and sent him tumbling for a penalty kick that would have tied the game.

But Piet van Meer guessed right on the kick and seemed as if he flew as he tipped the ball off his fingers and out of bounds for a corner, which was easily cleared.

The stunned Brazillican crowd was comptetely silent for the last 6 minutes of the game, while it was the Oranjes that were filling the stadium with noise.

One game left for the Svecians to advance, and that game comes against the One Red Dot squad, who should prove themselves to be a tough team. But with the momentum and adrenaline gained from this game, the ORD team should be toast.

As for Paranoid Bernard who writes for the paper, believes that the Rejistanian hosting of WC16 will cause Les Bleus to lose miserably in a future match bumping them out of the cup.

The Daily Druid

WOW!
Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin on Eauz 2 NEWI Cefn Druids 5

And so it was that Paranoid Bernard was seen to be more psychic that 'Psychic' Sue Wilkinson. Eauz will lose, he said. And so they did. But I don't think even he was prepared for something like this.

Yes, teh score you can see at the top of the page is correct, Eauz put two past the Druids, the Druids whacked five in in reply. This was one of the best games I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of games in my time. Eauz took an early lead, Vilix capitalising on a slip-up by Ron Lambealle. However, within ten minutes, the Druids were back level, Trevor Belmore getting on the end of a through ball from strike partner Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po. Then, with half time approaching, Belmore returned the favour, and Eauz had been shocked.

The Druids started the second half where the finished the first, this time Ron Lambealle, up for a corner, heading home. But soon, Les Bleus were back in it, Vilix this time hitting a screamer from 25 yards. But the more Eauz pushed for an equaliser, the more likely NEWI Cefn Druids looked to score, and so they did with ten minutes left, as Trevor Law, on for a tiring Gessemschmitthaagen-Po, broke away the full length of the pitch to lay Belmore off for his second, before scoring hiself in injury time.

Final score:
Eauz 2 [Vilix 8, 54]
NEWI Cefn Druids 5 [Belmore 17, 80, Gessemschmitthaagen-Po 44, Lambealle 48, Law 90]

So what does this do for the Druids chances of making the Second Round? (Yes, they actually have some of them!) Well, the table now looks like this (with Oglethorpia v Lykaia still to come)

Group G Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. NEWI Cefn Druids 4 1 1 0 6: 3 +3
2. Eauz 3 1 0 1 3: 5 -2
3. Oglethorpia 1 0 1 0 1: 1 0
4. Lykaia 0 0 0 1 0: 1 -1

Well, the Druids need a draw or better in their last match to go through. Simple as that. Any worse, it's out of their hands.




The Trial of Bill Posters
Day 3 - Witness 3

Call 'Psychic' Sue Wilkinson

Owen Kelly (prosecution): "Miss Wilkinson, it was widely reported in many areas of the Druidish press that you predicted that something bad was to happen half an hour before the Druids qualified, though you did not tell anyone what this thing was. Why was that?"

Psychic Sue: "Well, I didn't want to scare those involved. I know that people should never know exactly what is going to happen, because there are some things people just can't cope with."

Kelly: "So you knew what was going to happen?"

Psychic Sue: "Well, yes."

Kelly: "And what was this thing?"

Psychic Sue: "That Bill Posters would kill Tim Welsh."

Kelly: "You knew that this was going to happen?"

Psychic Sue: "Yes."

Kelly: "So why did you not inform, say, the police, that such an event was likely to occur?"

Psychic Sue: "Well that would be meddling with the future, and if you do that, who knows what might happen?"

Kelly: "So you knew that this was going to happen, but there was nothing you could do about it?"

Psychic Sue: "Nothing at all."

Kelly: "No further questions."

Wayne Kerr (defence): "Miss Wilkinson, where were you on the night Tim Welsh was killed?"

Psychic Sue: "I was at home with my cat and one of my friends."

Kerr: "Which friend was this?"

Psychic Sue: "Um... well... it escapes me now. Perhaps if I could go home and think about it, then I would remember."

Kerr: "So even though you know what is going to happen, you don't even know what's already happened. Some psychic you are! So, Miss Wilkinson, you say you were at home. I would like to show the court a short piece of film taken by DruidSport Television."

*The courtroom is shown Lykaia taking hte lead against the Druids in the match where Tim Welsh was shot. As the Lykaian fans are shown celebrating, the shot changes to one of a Druid fan with their head in their hands. As they take their head out of their hands, we see it is 'Psychic' Sue Wilkinson*

Kerr: "I think it is quite obvious to the courtroom that this is you, is it not."

Psychic Sue: "It might be."

Kerr: "It most certainly is. And the records of who bought the tickets, evidence from the management at The Hole, also suggests that this is you."

Psychic Sue: "OK, so it is"

Kerr: "And, not only were you in attendance, but you were in the stand behind the substitutes benches, where Tim Welsh was when he was killed, weren't you? I put it to you, Miss Wilkinson, that you killed Tim Welsh in a selfish, vain and ruthless bid to save your useless career as a nationally renowned psychic..."

Kelly: "Objection, your honour."

Judge Joodee: "Mr Kerr, this is the trial of Bill Posters, not Psychic Sue Wilkinson."

Kerr: "No further questions, your honour."

MotherfOakers grab a point
'slaves inch closer to the second round

A six-goal thriller at the KaMaRi stadium ended up with honours even as Audioslavia entertained outsiders Oaker.

The Oaks and the 'slaves battled to a 1-1 scoreline at half-time, with Scott Oaker's 39th minute drive cancelling out Bracken's 20th minute header.

The second half saw Audioslavia step up a gear, and after a few missed oppotunities they pulled into a two goal lead, Bracken notching again on fifty-three minutes and Didi Romanov scoring a far-post header on fifty-five.

The 'slaves looked well on their way, but Oaker absoloutely refused to let up, and before the hour they'd already pulled one back after scything through the Audioslavia defence to set up a goal for Flash Oaker.

The 'slaves spent the next half hour defending as Oaker, fearing a Kingsford victory this evening would send them out, rallied and produced save after save out of Robert Jones, before a rocket of a hit from Pond Oaker raked in off the bar from twenty yards for 3-3.

Oaker troubled the 'slaves for the final minutes, but the match would stay even until the final whistle

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 3 - Bracken 20, 53; Romanov 55
Oaker 3 - Oaker 39, Oaker 60, Oaker 82


Group C Pld Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Audioslavia 2 4 1 1 0 6: 3 3
2. Kingsford 1 3 1 0 0 1: 0 1
3. Oaker 2 1 0 1 1 3: 4 -1
4. Iansisle 1 0 0 0 1 0: 3 -3

With Kingsford-Iansisle still to play, the table looks like this. Whatever the outcome of the Kingsford-Iansisle match tonight, a draw against the Kings would send Audioslavia through to the second round. An Audioslavia defeat against the Kings would mean that the 'slaves would only progress should the Oaker-Iansisle and Kingsford-Iansisle results go their way. Luckily, Audioslavia should beat the Kings, as Kingsford are - without a shadow of a doubt -shit

Ive been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

Tigers show their claws

Tadjikistan keeps its nets clean against World Champions

Hetkali - The Tigers took a good start against Tanah Burung and continued their campaign against Commerce Heights with a 0-0 tie. Triandafillov was happy to see his team do so well, taking a point from the World Champions, the coach congratulated his youngest players with their performance and told them they had done more than enough.
Triandafillov however wants to go for the second round and hopes to take 3 points from Oddslavo. Offcourse Tanah Burung or Commerce Heights will have to lose a match for the Tigers to get to the second place in the group. We are still waiting to see the results from Commerce Heights - Tanah Burung.

Tadjik Topscorers:
1. Cherniakhovskij - 5
2. Suvorov - 4
3. Pliiev - 4
4. Terekhin - 2
5. Gromov - 1
-. Bagramian - 1
-. Zhilenkov - 1
-. Rokossovskij - 1


Pos Team G W D L F A GD Pts
1 Commerce Heights 2 1 1 0 3 1 2 4
2 Tadjikistan 2 0 2 0 2 2 0 2
3 Tanah Burung 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
4 Oddslavo 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0


MD1:Tanah Burung - Tadjikistan D 2-2
MD2:Commerce Heights - Tadjikistan D 0-0
MD3:Tadjikistan - Oddslavo

DAILY CROCODILE
Crocs chew up Oddslavo

Betting hit record levels as Tanah Burung clawed its way to a win over Oddslavo, eliminating their opponents in the process. Goals by Budiarjo and Mutang, the veterans of this year's Crocodiles squad, went unanswered in a 2-0 win.

"Liverpool England? They still owe me money," said Andy Mutang after the match. "What? A whole different country? Oh, sorry, must be the hallucinogenic punch. They sure look a lot like Liverpool England though."

With the Tadjiks' stealing another point from Commerce Heights, that leaves three sides all in contention. Tanah Burung and the defending champions have four points apiece, but have to play each other. Tadjikistan is exactly where they've wanted to be since the tourney opened: within striking distance of the higher-ranked countries, with Oddslavo squarely in their sights. They'll be hoping to pick up a win and go though in second spot behind the winner of the Crocs-Heights clash. (Bang.) A draw is the wild card for them and would send the decision to a tie-breaker. In that case, Tadjikistan can top the group by beating Oddslavo by three goals.

"Well, we're going for the win," said Crocs coach Modesto Ruak Ruak. "To tell you the truth, there's no team in this Cup i'd rather beat than Commerce Heights. If we top them, anything else is gravy. Tasty, juicy, delicious gravy. Excuse me, i need to go now."


Pos Team G W D L F A GD Pts
1 Commerce Heights 2 1 1 0 3 1 2 4
1 Tanah Burung 2 1 1 0 4 2 2 4
3 Tadjikistan 2 0 2 0 2 2 0 2
4 Oddslavo 2 0 0 2 1 5 -4 0


The Brazillican border

The jungle scouts crossed the border into Brazillico. That Hooligan had vanished again. (Naturally.) But here they were inside Brazillican territory. They pressed on. There was a village, once prosperous and full of Latin joie de vivre. Now silent as the grave. No alarms had gone off as they crossed the border. No one stirred. The whole country seemed to be on vacation.

"One of those Snub Nose 55 neutron bombs," said Bi Kikere, making up a new rank for the Hooligans on the spot. "Destroys the people, leaves the buildings standing. Hey, i have the coolest idea."

She gestured to the squad. Slowly, they started moving the border markers to the other side of the village, placing it on the Tanah Burung side of the border.

TEN Moves On To Round Of 16

Secour Leads Strike Birds To 2-0 Win Over Mattigool

At halftime the crowd knew the Birds had made it through. At halftime the Mattigool faithful just shook their head. At halftime, there was no more scoring as the Bird defense clamped down to preserve the 2-0 lead Secour had single handedly give the Nest.

The game started competitively, many attacks on both sides, but with 3 minutes left until stoppage time, Secour caught a defender out of place and dribbled the ball past him for a one on one shot in the back of the net. On the ensuing kickoff, a bad pass into the Nest box, prompted a cunter attack that saw Secour streaming up the left side, he put the breaks on to let the defnedres run past him, then headed straight for the box to catch up to the ball passed in from Horace, and the goal was textbook. In the span of 2 minutes, Secour had given the Birds all they needed to move on to the Round of 16.

The Birds now had 6 points, and with Mattigool at zero, only a Krytenia win could keep the Birds out of the Round of 16. The team was still doing their lap when the Bird faithful started to bounce, and scream more wildly than they just had. The team stood around bewildered...finally they got close to the fans and asked what was going on. Rejistania's English speaking radio had worked long enough to report that there was a scoreless tie between Total n Utter Insanity and Krytenia, meaning no matter what, the Nest was through.

Meanwhile, Coach Adams once again had to field questions of more vegetable abuse, ans now the rumors were running rampant. of the 9 questions he fielded, only 2 were on the game.

So Group F stands as follows:


Group F

Pos Team G W D L F A GD Pts
Q The Eagles Nest 2 2 0 0 5 2 3 6
2 Total n Utter Insanity 2 1 1 0 2 0 2 4
3 Krytenia 2 0 1 1 2 3 -1 1
E Mattigool 2 0 0 2 0 4 -4 0


TEN is through, and Mattigool is eliminated. If Krytenia can win, TnUI loses to the Nest, and the goal difference swings by three, Krytenia has a chance. But it look s bleak for Krytenia, and regardless, TnUI should join the Nest in the Round of 16.

Squornshelous Defeats Ineptia
Victory puts Pschychoes in 1st place, for now

RP to come later

Group E Standings after half of Matchday 2:

Group E GP Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Squornshelous 2 4 1 1 0 2: 1 1
2. Europa Brittania 1 1 0 1 0 1: 1 0
3. The Lowland Clans 1 1 0 1 0 0: 0 0
4. Ineptia 2 1 0 1 1 2: 3 -1

Le LIBRE

Shock & Ahhh

Match Day 2 in Group G matched up The Druids against Les Bleus, the most anticipated match of the cup. Captain Joseuf and Henrey were looking to take this match and advance themselves into the round of 16. The Druids though were hoping to bounce back from the disappointing 1 – 1 tie to Oglethorpia. Druid fans were everywhere to be seen as it seemed to be more of a home match for the Druids rather than an international match.

The match didn’t start out well for Les Bleus as during the 4th minute of play, the Druids were on the attack passing it through the strong Eauz defence, and putting it past Rousoi who was shocked at the way his defence was playing. Another goal was on its way a few minutes later as the ball was kicked towards the group of players in front of the net. A Druid player got his foot on the ball in the air and put it past Rousoi. The match turned into a 2 – 0 early deficit for Les Bleus at the 15th minute of play. Moving ahead to the 34th minute, and the Druids were still in control having 71% possession of the ball. An Eauz defender became frustrated and knocked over a Druid entering the penalty area. The referees gave the defender a red card and awarded the Druids a free kick. The free kick was capitalised on, and the deficit for Les Bleus went to 3 – 0. Just before half time came, someone queued the come back for Les Bleus as they put on a few late attacks, one from a corner kick which went in off an Eauz header and another off of a strong kick by an Eauz forward. By the end of the first half, the crowd had seen plenty of goals, and were waiting for more.

With the start of the 2nd half, Les Bleus were hoping that the late goals would mean a change in the problems of the first half. The Druids though had other ideas, as they knew this was their match to lose. Quickly off the first half, during the 48th minute, the Druids were at it again with another kick sailing past Rousoi and into the back of the net. The Druids went up 4 – 2. Les Bleus just didn’t look like the team of the past or of the qualifying round, as things started to fall apart in the second half. The Druids would add a final 5th goal and go on to a commanding 5 – 2 victory over Les Bleus. This evening, the coach will look over what went wrong, and why his team who were playing so well during the qualifying round, have only posted up 3 goals in the first 2 match days.

Coaches Comments
Damn, we really got our asses handed to us tonight, and from a team who we know very well. I don’t know though how our team could have lost that badly to a team we just seen during the qualifying round. I guess they viewed our tapes and studies them in more detail. It really is painful to see our team lose that badly. We haven’t lost that badly in a long time. We will have to have a closed door meeting before the next match. As for the Druids, we congratulate them on beating us, it was a great achievment.

With the damaging lost to the Druids and a victory by Oglethorpia over Lykaia, Les Bleus sit 3rd place looking in at the qualifying position. Fortunately for Les Bleus, they will be playing against Oglethorpia, and thus will have destiny in their control. A loss in match day 3 will mean an early end to a team who is expected to win. A tie will still keep them out of qualification, leaving their only choice at a victory. The Eauz team will have to look deep inside them to pull of this victory. It will be disappointing for the team, but at the same time they are a young team, and to have come this far is pretty good for them. It is rumoured though that this could be the coaches last year with the national team, as he has thought about retiring, having brought successful team after team to Eauz since WC13 started.




Group G Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. NEWI Cefn Druids 4 1 1 0 6: 3 +3
2 Oglethorpia 4 1 1 0 2: 1 +1
3. Eauz 3 1 0 1 3: 5 -2
4. Lykaia 0 0 0 2 0: 2 -2


Schedule

Match Day 1: Eauz vs. Lykaia @ Nita~eda Ynu Stadium W 1 – 0
Match Day 2: Eauz vs. NEWI Cefn Druids @ Nita~eda Ynu Stadium L 0 – 1
Match Day 3: Eauz vs. Oglethorpia @ Taki~l Redy Stadium

Government Thug #1: Ok, Murphy, tell us how you made Spaam lose in the qualifiers!
*SLAP*
Government Thug #2: C'mon, we know you had a hand in it with you and your "law"!
*SLUG*
Murphy: I'll tell you nothin', top o' the mornin' to ya!
*ZAPPO*
*WHACK*
#1: This is not good enough! Our RP machine was sabotaged! How did you get into the high
security facility?!
*PUNCH*
Murphy: I didn't go anywhere near it, I tell ya! Top o' the mornin' to ya!
*WHAMMO*
#2: Spaam got their second win of the cup in a row jsut then. Beat ORD by 3 goals to 1. We only
started winning after we took you in, Murphy. Explain!
*BLAM*
Murphy: Never! Top o' the mornin' to ya!
*SMACK*
#1: Why do you keep on saying "top o' the mornin' to ya"?
*BAM*
Murphy: I'm Irish, don't ya know? Top o' the mornin' to ya?
*BOOM*
#2: We'll get it out of you Murphy, even if we have to rip off all your toes!
*SMASH*

And now for a community announcement:

Group H Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Spaam 6 2 0 0 5: 1 +4
2. Brazillico 3 1 0 1 3: 2 +1
3. Svecia 3 1 0 1 1: 2 -1
4. One Red Dot 0 0 0 2 2: 6 -4


Svecia will need a big win against ORD, and Brazillico will need to convincingly beat Spaam in
what should be the match of the cup, for Spaam not to qualify. Brazillico and Spaam have been
friendly rivals for decades, and every match between them draws capacity crowds. Spaam has the
better history against the Chilli Bats, but Brazillico is not a team to be underestimated. In any case,
the Spaamanians have performed better than expected after a extremely controversial qualifying
season, and their disappointing World Cup performance four years ago.


EDIT: Oh yeah, and I really hope Ogle wins ;)

Revolutionary Spirit?
Ians top Kings, 3-1

WESTERGATE, Iansisle -- In the town outside the capital that has been the site of so much royalist support, crowds gathered to cheer on as a monarch was dethroned.

In a scene perhaps reminiscent of Louis Capet’s beheading, the Iansisle Ians yesterday tore through higher ranked Kingsford, leaving the Ians with some room to breath going into the final match against Oaker. As usual, Brian Lyon led the scoring. He declared after the match that he declared his goal of the 21st minute “a great triumph for the Republic and the Revolution!”

In other group news, black horse Oaker met and matched Audioslavia in a hard fought contest. A total of six goals were scored by both sides in the wild match, but neither side could pump in the seventh.

The Ians are certainly in better position to advance after upsetting Kingsford. They are now one point behind Audioslavia and tied for points and goal differential with Kingsford. The Ians have scored one more goal. Most people seem to agree that wins for Iansisle and Kingsford - which would send them both through and leave perennial bad luck charm Audioslavia at home - is the most agreeable result, but anything that sends Iansisle through would be fantastic.

The Ians have only participated in one previous World Cup, despite taking part in six qualifying campaigns before WCXVI, in which they advanced past the first round only to be soundly beaten by Oglethorpia in the second. Hopefully, this will prove at least the equal of that magical year.


Group C Pld Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Audioslavia 2 4 1 1 0 6: 3 3
2. Iansisle 2 3 1 0 1 3: 4 -1
3. Kingsford 2 3 1 0 1 2: 3 -1
4. Oaker 2 1 0 1 1 3: 4 -1

The Trial of Bill Posters
Day 4 - Witness 4

Call Detective Inspector Trevor Belless

Owen Kelly (prosecution): "D.I. Belless, you are in charge of the murder investigation, aren't you?"

D.I. Belless: "I am."

Kelly: "So, why do you think, or should I say, how do you know Mr. Posters is guilty of this hideous crime?"

D.I. Belless: "The sign said so."

Kelly: "What sign is this?"

D.I. Belless: "It said "BILL POSTERS WILL BE PROSECUTED." If that's something we might've said, then we have to do it."

Kelly: "But why is he being prosecuted for this murder?"

D.I. Belless: "Because it's the only crime he could possibly have committed, especially as he was at the murder scene."

Kelly: "D.I. Belless, who helped you with your investigations?"

D.I. Belless: "That was Sgt. Trevor Tuck."

Kelly: "Is he available to be questioned about the case?"

D.I. Belless: "Well, he was about earlier, but I haven't seen thim for a..."

*At this point, the entire courtroom is stunned into silence as Sgt. Tuck enters the room, stark naked, and streaks about the place before making a sharp getaway.*

D.I. Belless: "I guess he's not right now."




The Daily Druid

D'EAUZ
Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin on trouble at Le LIBRE

As you all saw in your copies of the Daily Druid yesterday, the Druids beat Eauz 5-2. Amazing, I know. But it all seems to have come as a bit of a shock to those in Eauz, so much so that they can't remember much about the match itself. Reported later in Le LIBRE due to the time difference between Eauz and NEWI Cefn Druids, the goals were reported as being scored in a completely different order to what actually happened, at different times and in different ways. Indeed, our Eauzian counterparts appear to have failed to notice who any of the Druids players were, even though they claim to have been there. Then, just to round it all off, after a dodgy report wit hthe correct score, they have the cheek to think that they only lost 1-0 at the bottom of the page!

Just for the record, I was there, and I saw Eauz take the lead early on with my own eyes, then the Druids go in for half time 2-1 up, not 3-2. And as for a sending off, I think I missed that too. D'you know why I think it was reported like that? I think Paranoid Bernard from Le LIBRE couldn't face up to what he was about to see, and so he made up some absolute gubbins once he'd heard the score. You'd never catch me doing that, even when I left the ground early during that dismal 4-0 thrashing by Athamasha twenty-odd years ago.

Just as a reminder for everyone, here's a recap of the score, scorers and goal times, as reported in The Daily Druid yesterday:

Final score:
Eauz 2 [Vilix 8, 54]
NEWI Cefn Druids 5 [Belmore 17, 80, Gessemschmitthaagen-Po 44, Lambealle 48, Law 90]

The Red Dot Informant

Story here (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6819350&postcount=409)

Oh yah, and ORD is out of WC16. I guess it's for real this time.
Because the powers that be has this event called an 'exam' approaching, ORD will be pulling out of WC17, and the entire nation will be put too sleep using whatever unorthodox methods the ORD Secret Service can think of.

So, we'll return when WC19/20 starts.

Yup, pretty much it. :P

NEWI, I made up the different scores, because you wrote like a few lines about the whole match. I would have though you would have said quite a bit about the match, seeing as it was a 5 - 2 victory. Except for providing times when people scores, you didn't do much at all. You had MORE to say about your Trial than you had about our 5 - 2 match. So, that is why I made my own version up. I thought mine gave you more detail about the match. Anyways, I don't care if they are different, at least I explained our match in more than a few lines

NEWI, I made up the different scores, because you wrote like a few lines about the whole match. I would have though you would have said quite a bit about the match, seeing as it was a 5 - 2 victory. Except for providing times when people scores, you didn't do much at all. You had MORE to say about your Trial than you had about our 5 - 2 match. So, that is why I made my own version up. I thought mine gave you more detail about the match. Anyways, I don't care if they are different, at least I explained our match in more than a few lines

Eauz: Please see rule 2.

RULES 1 thru 6 - "RP"

RULE 2: If your opponent reports a match first, your RP should be consistent with what has already been reported. However, if your opponents RP contains an error (such as assigning a goal to a player who is no longer on your team) you may, IC, correct the error.

Le LIBRE

WWWF Grudge Match

Eauz vs. Oglethorpia

The Coach of Les Bleus gives the bad news to the Prime Minister of Eauz

“Comrade, I’m afraid that it has come down to the final match. Les Bleus are in 3rd place of qualifying for the next round, which means they MUST win or be sent home. The news gets worse, as it is against those evil capitaliZts from Oglethorpia. They seem to like to try and spoil Les Bleus plans and promote capitaliZm in Eauz.”

“Samuel”, replies the Prime Minister, “we can NOT afford to let Oglethorpia win this match, for it would create the current Oglethorpian citizens living in Eauz to terrorize our citizens with evil capitaliZt ideas. We can’t afford to assume the same result as we played a match of foosball will come again”

“Comrade, there may be something which could save us from the embarrassment of a loss. We have knowledge of a star player in our data base named Zinadine Zidane. Apparently, he was of French Nationality and we could pretend he was an Eauzian. Just disguise him with some facial hair or something else…”

“Samuel, this might just work, it appears he is a good player too…”

- So who will win that final match between the two experienced, political rivals? Greg and Anthony have decided to debate it over…

Greg: The winner is clear in my mind and everyone else’s mind, and I wouldn’t know why you would pick anyone else. Eauz will WIN this match, and save them from the embarrassment. Look, they even stole Zidaine from the past to ensure they get the victory.

The last time these two teams met, it was pretty much interrupted by crazy drunk fans from both sides. Eauz obviously was playing well at the time. Oglethorpia has obviously for a Trillion years now sucked and unless they get another coach in there, they will suck for another Trillion years. I don’t care about this political game of capitaliZm vs. Communism, My goodness, it’s all just crap, and these players are playing a game, not debating over what political policies are better. Everyone should just Shut up, Shut up about everything political and watch the game as a football match!

Finally I’d like to note, that Les Bleus have done so well in the past, and the coach is the same, so I’m sure that he will pull something out of the air and bring home another victory for Les Bleus. And before I let you speak, don’t assume I’m just an Eauz fan, because I’m a fan of teams who actually perform and do well, instead of just whatever. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD TEAMS! (I WIN NO MATTER WHAT YOUR ARGUMENT! IS!)

Anthony: Shut up! You take everything so out of proportion. Have you even watched an Oglethopian match? Sure these guys might have only won 5 matches during the qualifying round, but they have never played well in the qualifying round. They aren’t even sporting their best team, and they still qualified for 2nd in their group. Eauz came first in their group sure, but they had to do it in their last match and they almost didn’t because NEWI had a 2 point lead over Eauz. Imagine the embarrassment if Les Bleus only came 2nd in such an easy group? Actually, I’m embarrassed at the fact that they only won their group with 1 point difference, against a team like The Druids.

Speaking of the Druids, what the F*ck was that match a few days ago? A 5 – 2 victory for the Druids!?! WHAT THE F*CK is that about?!? Your team better come to play tomorrow, otherwise I’ll have to buy a card saying, “Good luck, wait! You don’t need it, because your team LOST!” Oglethorpia has played well during this qualifying round, with a 1 – 1 tie against the Druids team which Les Bleus lost to, and a 1 – 0 victory over a team they were expected to win against. Weren’t Les Bleus expected to at least tie the Druid match?

Greg: You don’t even argue anything relevant to the point. Oglethorpia only won 5 matches out of the 10 qualifying days. How many did Eauz win? Did someone say 8? Do you want me to spell this out to you? Your argument is pretty much that Eauz lost to the Druids. Oooooo! Eauz also lost to the Druids in the qualifying round. It’s not the end of the world!

Anthony: Ok, Ok! Enough, you just cry about the fact that Eauz is a class act team and you assume they will win. You can’t just assume they will win, especially when they lost in a 5 – 2 match. Sick! I’ll give you 1 last chance after tonights match to join the Oglethorpian cheering squad, because you know they are going places!

*End Note, because Starblaydia got grumpy over the fact that I didn't read more into the WWWF.


- Starblaydia - thinks Eauz should have read more than the first few lines of the current match before spoofing it
¤ +Eauz: which one?
@Starblaydia - http://www.grudge-match.com/History/index.html
@Starblaydia - as many as you can be bothered to

Eauz: Please see rule 2.

RULES 1 thru 6 - "RP"

RULE 2: If your opponent reports a match first, your RP should be consistent with what has already been reported. However, if your opponents RP contains an error (such as assigning a goal to a player who is no longer on your team) you may, IC, correct the error.


Well I suggest the next time NEWI plays against me, they actually RP the match a bit more than a few lines. I would have expected what they RP'd if the match was a 1 - 0 or a 2 - 1 match, but NEWI won 5 - 2. Did you see how much I wrote in the 5 - 2 match? Rediculous, I'm not changing my RP, because someone doesn't want to RP a match properly. They had MORE to say about the Trial than they had to say about the whole match. I'm sure you could have found more to say than picking a few random numbers out of your head.

Well I suggest the next time NEWI plays against me, they actually RP the match a bit more than a few lines. I would have expected what they RP'd if the match was a 1 - 0 or a 2 - 1 match, but NEWI won 5 - 2. Did you see how much I wrote in the 5 - 2 match? Rediculous, I'm not changing my RP, because someone doesn't want to RP a match properly. They had MORE to say about the Trial than they had to say about the whole match. I'm sure you could have found more to say than picking a few random numbers out of your head.

Eauz: READ THE RULE.

It doesn't say "This doesn't apply if you don't like your opponent's RP." It doesn't say "This doesn't apply if you lose by a large score."

I'm not asking you to change your RP. I'm asking you to follow established rules in the future, and to not take this all so seriously. It's just a game.

Evil Eauz Writers, describe different match

The Evil commie Writers wrote about something else, and thus are forced to write the real match...

Eauz scores during the 8th minute
Then The Druids score during the 17th minute
Druids score another just before half time at the 44th minute
At half time, the score is 2 - 1.
Play resumes, and the Druids score during the 48th minute of play
Eauz answers back scoring another goal making the match 3 - 2.
Eauz couldn't hold on, as the Druids scores to late goals to give them the 5 - 2 victory.

Hurrah for the Druids!

woah, woah.

Last time I checked, this was about having fun. The only reason that rule is there was because someone complained in the first place. All three of you, settle down.

First off, addressing NEWI - One must remember in the course of the cup that Eauz is, well, Eauz, and we love him for that, but we must also keep that in mind, otherwise we'd be quoting rules left and right.

Eauz - Don't be pissy and such. If anything at all on NS ticks you off, get up, walk outside, and do something un-computer related. Experts suggest walk-taking, book-reading, or going down to your local shooting range and emptying a few rounds at a paper man. This is for fun, don't get upset and post things like that last "RP" you did. Viva la Revolucion!

Snub - Come on... Don't be so eager to whip out the rules. This is Eauz we're talking about. The RP was in light, why need to be serious about it? Take the rules, put them in a place that's hard to find. Then, go eat some Thai food.

Sirake Tekim: Hejida, you are listening to Radio RejisCAST - live from the world cup in our glorious nation Rejistania! For us in the Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium, or as we say in KaMaRi: SLS R, is Elin Ri. Hejida Elin!

Elin Ri: Hejida Sirake!

ST: How are things in Riandu kalesa?

ER: You wouldn't believe me if I told and so I don't do.

ST: Come on!

ER: I found the reason for the disconne... (the connection breaks down at this time)

ST: Elin? Elin su? (pause) Techs, they lie the blue from the sky. You can only hope the computers and electronic is running fine, if you rely on the techs, you are screwed, it's as simple as that.

ER: Hejida again, having found the reason doesn't mean being able to prevent it.

ST: apparently.

ER: Slani routers here are using Error XP, I had to reboot it. Normally it would be better to wait a time after the reboot, but well, you missed me too much.

ST: Err... yes.

ER: Hey it is the old war: techies vs sane people, and at the moment, it looks as if we are winning!

ST: I can agree to this. Sanity is the losing side.

ER: Talking about losing... the starting Orange-Blues are: goalkeeper Ninu Juru, defenders Kadu Hsen, Kansu Xana, Dini Y and Xenra Ji....

ST: Do you think the Orange-blues will be losing?

ER: No, I simply wanted to change the topic with elegance.

ST: and failed.

ER: Noone compares to you if wit is concerned!

ST: Thanks for that satiric compliment.

ER: You're welcome. Our midfield consists of: Hsenu Kira, Sime Hilat, Nxeni Venu and Liy Ra and the forwards are: Hansalda Ki and "Dwarf" Lyku Ju.

ST: Ju is no dwarf.

ER: But he plays in a dwarfish club in Cockbill Street.

ST: Ah, now I understand.

ER: Now comes the part of the match report, you surely like best: I try to pronounce the names of our opponent Lovisa.

ST: hehe!

ER: Piotr Jedlinski is the lovisan goalie. The defense of the Lovisian System Imdila consists of: Jacek Lacheta, Krystian Biel, Morten Solem and Marek Kossowski. The midfielders are: Grzegorz Siedleck, Valdek Kulig, Andrzej Górka from Kingsford and Miroslaw Szymkowiak, who plays in Liechtenistan. (he pauses)

ST: Continue!

ER: Just had to get that knot out of my tongue. The forwards are Georg Lunz, who is employed in Giant Zucchini and Henrik Baecker. Lovisa has more legionaries in the national team than Rejistania.

ST: Yeah. There are few rejistanian players abroad. SyLy was and Lyku Ju is, but who else?

ER: Jenji Y for Reichsmark FC in Insane Inflation.

ST: Jenji Y is playing for SLS R.

ER: I mean another Jenji Y. He played before in some third league team in nanti ligat.

ST: That sounds like world class soccer!

ER: They have a lower standard in Insane Inflation, so it fits that he was nanti ligat before.

ST: Are you saying that divisasi ligat soccer sucks?

ER: I say that Sike always qualifies for the heven vinali but has yet to win a game there. That tells us something about the standard.

ST: I am fan of Jinhes Lines.

ER: Commiserations.

ST: Elin Ri, I will have you fired. Sooner or later! Bet on it! (some noises tell us that the connection to SLS R apparently broke down) Elin? You still here? (silence is the only answer) Well, let us hear "Kurudi 100 - visko'il!" now. (the music starts, when the song is nearly finished, Elin Ri sudddently interferes)

ER: Back again, Error XP decided to crash again and I had to wait until it is rebooted entirely. The match has started 2 minutes ago, the tempo is still high. Rejistania is posession of the ball, no, S-si-m-ko..., well, tries to steal the ball from Nxeni Venu, but Nxeni Venu had triumphed during the time I tried to pronounce his name.

ST: what is the score?

ER: Nil-nil, of course!

(15th minute)
ER: Ki'he in good position, he shoots, goooaaaaalllll! The Orange-Blues are leading 1:0, no they aren't the ref has rules the goal offside - for incomprehensible reasons.

ST: Apparently there was a player in an offiside position, otherwise we wouldn't have done it.

ER: After that match against Creedence Clearwater in the last cup, I thought you knew that there doesn't have to be a reason for a ref-decision.

ST: Well, this ref is not Henry Tuck.

ER: We can only hope it. It was rumoured that Henry Tuck uses a new identity after he disappeared after World Cup 15.

ST: That is a rumour.

ER: I know...

(halftime:)
ER: This ends the first half. A bit disappointing what we saw on the field: there were many attempts on both sides but somehow the last bit was lacking. No chance was really urging to be capitalised. And this goal in the 15th minute: according to video-replays, it was really an offside position of Lyku Ju, it could be rules as passive offside decision, but this ref was apparently one of the more strict ones.

ST: Good that this finally became clear.

ER: well, I would prefer to consider it an unfair decision and would prefer to believe that we are leading.

ST: Err, yes....

ER: Techies, I know!

(86th minute)
ER: The score is still nil-nil here, and I have to admit, I am really annoyed due to this. The performance of the Orange-Blues would be enough for the divisasi ligat, but is not enough for international soccer, well, unless it is against Abysmalistan. Laxtu Takil indicates a substitution... yes, he wants to replace Lyku Ju with ... yes, Jenji Y!

ST: Finally!

ER: Do you think one substitution'll change all?

ST: It's just like with our connection, we substituted you in our team and suddently it works fine. (err, no, as Sirake is saying this, the connection to SLS R goes down again) ... bah, you mention it. time again for some musiclet's listen to 'the logical song'! (music starts)

ER: (again interferes, this time in the middle of the song) JJJJJIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE! the match just ended - and I must admit, I never would have believed that this is even possible (music stops) Rejistania won 5:0 due to 5 goals of Jenji Y!

ST: I told you that he is great!

ER: Yeah, but 5 goals in 5 and a half minute is unbelievable!

ST: surely!

ER: Back to the regular programme, before I either lose conscience, go insane or both!

woah, woah.

Last time I checked, this was about having fun. The only reason that rule is there was because someone complained in the first place. All three of you, settle down.

First off, addressing NEWI - One must remember in the course of the cup that Eauz is, well, Eauz, and we love him for that, but we must also keep that in mind, otherwise we'd be quoting rules left and right.

Eauz - Don't be pissy and such. If anything at all on NS ticks you off, get up, walk outside, and do something un-computer related. Experts suggest walk-taking, book-reading, or going down to your local shooting range and emptying a few rounds at a paper man. This is for fun, don't get upset and post things like that last "RP" you did. Viva la Revolucion!

Snub - Come on... Don't be so eager to whip out the rules. This is Eauz we're talking about. The RP was in light, why need to be serious about it? Take the rules, put them in a place that's hard to find. Then, go eat some Thai food.
Kingsford - If we're not going to follow the rules, which were created to settle such disputes, then we should simply eliminate them. But if we're going to have 'em, then we ought to follow 'em. 'Cause, that's what rules are for.

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

Point Of Insanity

THE Celestials remain in the World Cup by the skin of their teeth after a tense nil-nil draw with Total n Utter Insanity. The Insanicians set out to defend as usual, and even Ulvæus and Smith had no answer to this.

The draw leaves Krytenia hamging on to slim hopes of reaching the finals after The Eagles Nest sealed their place in Round Two with victory over Mattigool. The result also served the useful purpose of eliminating the 'Gools. Krytenia's only hope of qualifying is as follows:


Krytenia must BEAT Mattigool.
TnUI MUST lose to The Eagles Nest.
One of these games must be a victory by two goals or better.


This means three points and crossed fingers will be the order of the day on Matchday Three against Mattigool. See you there!

KRYTENIA - 0

TOTAL N UTTER INSANITY - 0


SCORERS:FINALS
Cecil POLDOV - 1
Colin ULVÆUS - 1

SCORERS:QUALIFIERS
Ari SMITH - 6 (incl. 1 hat trick, and 1 penalty)
Colin ULVÆUS - 5 (incl. 1 hat trick)
Stephen XOUSA - 3
Roger CELSEN - 2
Acienko RIMMER - 1
Adam VERNAZZA - 1
plus 3 goals awarded in w/o vs The Water Cooler

v NASTIC II W 3-1 (Xousa, Smith, Celsen)
v The Gulf States W 4-0 (Ulvæus 3, Rimmer)
@ The Water Cooler W 4-0 (Ulvæus 2, Smith, Xousa)
v Squornshelous L 1-3 (Smith)
v Nikea L 0-1
@ NASTIC II W 3-0 (Smith 3)
@ The Gulf States W 2-1 (Vernazza, Celsen)
v The Water Cooler Walkover
@ Squornshelous W 1-0 (Xousa)
@ Nikea L 0-3

Finals (Rejistania)
v The Eagles Nest L 2-3 (Poldov, Ulvæus)
v Total n Utter Insanity D 0-0
v Mattigool

Kingsford - If we're not going to follow the rules, which were created to settle such disputes, then we should simply eliminate them. But if we're going to have 'em, then we ought to follow 'em. 'Cause, that's what rules are for.

Yes, but if there's no room to tread lightly in satirical waters, what's the point of getting wet? Let the rules breath a little. It's not like this matters or anything, as long as the competition runs, and everyone's having fun, what's the point?

[What appears to be highlights of historic Bedistani national football matches rolls onscreen. We see the Lions' first ever match against Svecia from over 40 years ago. Then the draw against hosts Tanah Burung in the first round of WC5. We then see the agony of that final goal that gave Liverpool England their 3-1 victory over the Lions in the final match of WC8. Then the match against New Montreal States in WC10 qualifying. Why aren't they showing any matches we actually won? Oh, never mind, there's that 6-1 trouncing of Dual supporters. But that was in WC11 qualifying, where we didn't move on. The Iansisle match in the Cup of Harmony...ah, but there's the oh-so-satisfying 3-1 win over Audioslavia in WC13 qualifying. And the third-place match of that cup, where we actually beat Lemmitania. Then the infamous D2R match in WC14 that knocked us out...and oh my, it's James Parker National Stadium being burned to the ground after that loss to Aquilla just two years ago. Finally, we see an aerial view of what looks like a large island. Oh, it must be Rejistania. The view zooms in on one city, and from there to a stadium, which is absolutely packed with fans wearing the colors of Vilita and Bedistan.]

Ed: Good afternoon, everybody, and welcome to Matix Veran Stadium here in Matix kali, Rejistania! I'm Ed Allgood, and sitting here in the booth with me is Terry Redd.

Terry: We've got a great game for you today -- World Cup XVI Group B action between our beloved Bedistan Lions and the up-and-coming Vilita Jungle Cats.

Ed: Yes indeed. Keep in mind that if the Lions win here today, they're almost certainly through to the second round, especially if Turnia and Gesamtkuntswerk draw. The Lions are coming off a 2-0 win over Turnia, while the Sturms held Vilita to a nil-all draw on Matchday 1.

Terry: For good reason, Bedistan's gotta be favored to win this one. The Lions have been in the top five in the world for decades, and they have a bit of an advantage in momentum here. The Jungle Cats will have to bring out their best to steal some points from us today.

Ed: Well, let's look at Vilita's starting lineup...

Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Massimo Corsi, [D] Enzo Ahat, [D] Giacomo Adika, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [DM] Jürgen Ramzi, [M] Santo Kecker, [M] Jonathon Stott, [M] Jonathon Baledrokadroka, [M] Umberto Melli, [F] Callum Banda, [F] Germán Salomón

BENCH::
[F] Serge DuPont, [F] Jim Vella, [M] Alexander Östling, [M] Calaesa Mitaroka, [U] Nicoló Alicicco, [D] Danilo Liguori, [GK] Jimmy Kater

Terry: And here's what we've got for the Lions...

Bedistan Lions (4-4-2) ::
[GK] Hank Paulsen, [D] Ian Hammond, [D] Carl Chang, [D] Kevin Fields, [D] Dave al-Armani, [M] Sam Willow, [M] Nick Yu, [M] Cedric Willis, [M] Ted Best, [F] Jackson Reinhardt, [F] Benjamin Xi

BENCH::
[F] Sven Cardinal, [M] Phil Patel, [M] Nathan Gordon, [GK] Ed Simpson, [D] Moses Harris

Ed: No surprises in Barton's lineup here -- standard fare since the start of qualifying.

Terry: The captains are coming out to midfield -- Santo Kecker for Vilita and Jackson Reinhardt for Bedistan. Kecker will call it in the air...and he's called it. Vilita starts out with possession.

Ed: We'll be back after these messages for the kickoff of Bedistan v Vilita here in Rejistania. Stay tuned.

[10th minute]

Ed: Kecker moving upfield...he sends it over to Baledrokadroka, who's passed it up to Salomón while I was saying his name. Salomón running out of room...he shoots, but it's easily gathered by Paulsen.

Terry: Salomón couldn't quite get the job done there, but of course it is early in the match. The Lion defense cannot be off its guard, that's for sure.

[29th minute]

Ed: Best forced into the backpass to Carl Chang, who gets around Melli and dribbles up the pitch. Chang launches it upfield for Xi, but Jürgen Ramzi with the interception! And oh! he smashes right into Cedric Willis! The ref is calling both Ramzi and Willis over now. Looks like a yellow for Ramzi because he wasn't watching where he was going. Is that a cardable offense, Terry?

Terry: I don't think so, but I wouldn't argue with the referee. He's Eauzian.

Ed: Good point. Now the ref turns to Cedric Willis. He's reaching for his pocket...and it's a red card! What did Cedric do?

Terry: Looks like they're claiming that he intentionally put himself in Ramzi's path, causing him to fall. I can see a yellow for that, but a red?

Ed: I'm with you on that, and that's gonna hurt us. Bedistan now down to ten men in a 4-3-2.

[44th minute]

Ed: Callum Banda circling around the right side of the box, looking for an opening. He takes a shot...Paulsen parries it, but Salomón is there, and this time he kicks it in!

Terry: GOOOOOOOOOO... [he holds the note for about 89 seconds] ...OOOOAL!

Ed: Dude, calm down. That was Vilita's goal, not ours.

Terry: That was calm.

Ed: Anyway, there's the whistle to end the first half. Bedistan 0 - 1 Vilita is the score. We'll take a break and be back to give you the second half right here on BSTV.

[46th minute]

Ed: Bedistan starts with the ball this half, and here we go.

Terry: Both sides made two substitutions during the half. Moses Harris came on for Kevin Fields and Sven Cardinal replaced Benjamin Xi for the Lions. Östling on in place of Stott and Alicicco for Ahat for the Jungle Cats.

Ed: The Lions better get something going here; a loss to Vilita wouldn't be too pretty here as far as advancement chances go.

[63rd minute]

Ed: Finally, a credible attack by the Lions! Willow passes over to Yu...

Terry: Ed, I'm not on the pitch.

Ed: Not you, Yu! As in Nick Yu. At any rate, Sven Cardinal has the ball now. He's got the funk going on up there, and here comes his shot! But oh! it hits the woodwork and bounces clear for a goal kick.

Terry: That was a really strange angle for that kick there. That's Cardinal's trademark -- catch the opposition off guard with these shots seemingly out of nowhere. Unfortunately, the opposing team wasn't the problem here.

[79th minute]

Ed: Hammond tries to get the ball away from DuPont, who just came on a couple minutes ago for Salomón, but...oh my. DuPont has just been taken down in the box and the referee is gesturing toward Ian Hammond. This could be the end of the match for him...

Terry: Nope, it's only a yellow! Hammond got lucky there, considering that earlier call on Willis. However, he does award a penalty kick to Vilita.

Ed: Jonathan Baledrokadroka will be taking the kick. Paulsen steadies himself on the goal line. Baledrokadroka steps back...and shoots...INTO the goal!

Terry: GOOOOOOOO... [he holds the note for fourteen seconds before receiving a fist to the mouth from Ed] ...OOOO-ow! What was that for?!

Ed: For being an idiot. Anyway, the score is now 2-0 Vilita.

[93rd minute]

Ed: And with added time winding down, it looks like Vilita will in fact leave here with three points from this matchup. Yep, there's the whistle.

Terry: A somewhat unexpected win for Vilita, but one I'm sure they're quite proud of. That'll put them top of the table on four points, as we've just received word that Turnia and Gesamtkuntswerk drew their match. The Lions drop off to second with their three points.

Ed: Vilita is now all but through; they'd have to lose to Turnia by five to be knocked out. In our final match, we play Gesamtkuntswerk in a winner-takes-all affair. In the case of a draw, the Lions go through.

Terry: And of course, you'll be able to see that match live right here on BSTV. For Ed Allgood, I'm Terry Redd, saying goodbye for now.

-------------

Final score:
Bedistan 0
Vilita 2 (Salomón 44, Baledrokadroka pen 80)

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif

Vilita [2]-[0] Bedistan

Matix Veran Stadium, Matix kali, Rejistania
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

..........The Vilita Jungle Cats arrived back at the Matix Veran Stadium in Matix Kali, Rejistania knowing they faced an uphill battle in their quest for group B qualification. While the Jungle Cats had come out with a hard earned goalless draw against perennial strong-side Gesamtkuntswerk, Vilita knew they now relied on goal differential, with both sides expecting to lose to Bedistan and win at Turnia, It was all about goals now. Coach Helmut Vilkaus named the most un-surprising lineup you will ever see in the World Cup, with the only unexpected inclusion would have been Nicoló Alicicco. the inexperienced 29 year old Colonial Sile midfielder included as backup for Jürgen Ramzi if needed.

..........

..........

..........




http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/teamsheet.gif
Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Massimo Corsi, [D] Enzo Ahat, [D] Giacomo Adika, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [DM] Jürgen Ramzi, [M] Santo Kecker, [M] Jonathon Stott, [M] Jonathon Baledrokadroka, [M] Umberto Melli, [F] Callum Banda, [F] Germán Salomón
BENCH::
[F] Serge DuPont, [F] Jim Vella, [M] Alexander Östling, [M] Calaesa Mitaroka, [U] Nicoló Alicicco, [D] Danilo Liguori, [GK] Jimmy Kater



Turoki make Triple Swoop

Turoki Isle FC Press Release, Turoki Island, Vilita::
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--------------Vilitan Stellar Division side Turoki Isle, who have already signalled their intentions for a title run with the signing of all-star Eauz National Keeper Michël Rousoi, have clinched the free-transfer signings of three starting internationals in an amazing call to the Vilitan clubs that Turoki is still a force to be reckoned with. Following the signing of Rousoi, Turoki sought after an international calibre defender, and they got just what they were looking for in Crystilakere's Filippo Ferraro. Desite being a hardened central defender, Ferraro consistently ranks among the top scorers in the Crystilakere lineup. The tall defender has a knack for contributing on both sides of the field, especially on corner kicks. Ferraro was not contracted to any teams after leaving his former club.

--------------Then, when rumors started leaking out that all Kingsford-Based clubs would be withdrawing from LEAF, Turoki Isle immediately started to pursue the three Kingsford-based Vilitans. National team Captain Santo Kecker rejected the Trial offer from Turoki, indicating that if he were to return, It would be with his boyhood club, Marine Coast. However, former Marine Coast midfield Marasent Sioane and former Yeaddin Owls striker German Salomon both accepted the trials, and quickly made verbal agreements to sign for the Western Vilitan Cove side.

--------------With the official announcement from the Kingsford FA that they would be withdrawing from LEAF effective immediately, Turoki have confirmed the official signing of Salomon and Sioane, and now look a serious threat for the Vilitan Stellar Division Title, with the addition of two Vilitan internationals, and only Tivali City's Jimmy Kater anywhere near Rousoi in Goalkeeping ability, and Filippo Ferraro undoubtebly one of the most prolific defenders in the game.



Nusira-Lionta in Calcéte bid
Nusira-Lionta FC Press Release, Nusira Lionta, Vilita::
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-------------Vilitan club Nusira-Lionta have placed a coplicated, yet productive bid to sign Kingsford International striker Saturn Calcéte. Nusira-Lionta, however, would not be looking to pay a transfer fee for the 26 year old player. Instead, The localized club have come up with a deal with Yeaddin Owls AFC, who originally sold German Salomon to Kingsford for $8 Million. Yeaddin have still not received any of that fee, and with current financial crisis in the sport in Kingsford, look unlikely to receive it. Under the terms of the agreement, the Owls would ignore all Kingsfordite Debts to the club, upon Calcéte's transfer to Nusira-Lionta. Out of the deal, Yeaddin will assume full rights to youth prospect Thierry Columbo, an exiting young midfielder who is expected to be a future super star in 10 years time.


Regional Cats Penalized in Shootout

Marine World Park, Crosaibi, Vilita::
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Finals Matches:
M01: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [0] - [0] Gesamtkuntswerk
M02: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [0] Bedistan
M03: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] Turnia

A World Cup 16 Preview
The End is Nigh, NEWI Cefn Druids Picked to Win it All In This Apocalypse Please World Cup

To keep with the Muse theme, we can say “and it’s the end…YEAHHH…it is the end….OF THE WORLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLD!” Get well Chris Wolstenholme by the way. Or if we were Stan Marsh we could say, “Dude, this is pretty f***ed up right here.” Yeah, these are probably the most whimsical and strangest picks we have ever made. It seems that gut feelings are the biggest indicator of who we will pick to do successfully this time around, although talent and effort do play in a small part in our decisions whereas they usually make a big part. But as strange as qualifying was, we expect the World Cup final to be even stranger; so strange that we are picking the still lovable former losers NEWI Cefn Druids to win it all. Enjoy the afterlife! And now…a look at the groups and teams in this cup which will be completely played in Rejistania after an apathy virus hit Brazillico.

Rejistania

Group A

The defending champions Commerce Heights are the favorites in this group, and although they underachieved in qualifying, one should never underestimate the heart and determination of a champion. They should do well.

Tanah Burung is another historically talented side who has underachieved in qualifying and barely made the World Cup final. However, they do not have the recent pedigree of a Commerce Heights side and a hungry Tadjikistan side on their crocodile tails.

The aforementioned Tadjikistan has to be one of the most underrated sides in the World Cup. Although this isn’t a flashy side, they are talented and disciplined side who has been known to step up in the clutch as they made the round of 16 last World Cup.

It certainly is strange to see Oddslavo, a puppet of Liverpool England in the World Cup and Liverpool England in the Cup of Harmony, but alas that is the case. Anyway, a team that lost to The Evil Umpire is not seen as much of a threat in this group.

Prediction
1. Commerce Heights
2. Tadjikistan
3. Tanah Burung
4. Oddslavo

Group B

Bedistan is a side breathing a sigh of relief as they barely made the World Cup final this time around. However, now that they are in, with the boisterous young talent of this side they should do relatively well.

Gesamtkuntswerk seemed very promising in their last couple of campaigns in the World Cup to break through and become a world power, but instead we see a program in decline. This veteran side seems to be on its last legs.

In contrast, Vilita, is a side that seems to be always fresh. After a rocky start in their first two qualifying campaigns, this side is finally showing the talent and potential everyone saw in them and their level of hard work and dedication is without equal. However they are relatively inexperienced on the world stage.

Turnia is a side that most Melmondians dare not speak its name. If it weren’t for two upsets pulled off by these guys, Melmond would have made World Cup 15. Oddly enough, this Turnia side doesn’t seem nearly as talented as the side that beat Melmond twice and finished fifth in their group of 10.

Prediction
1. Vilita
2. Bedistan
3. Gesamtkuntswerk
4. Turnia

Group C

Kingsford is the most highly touted side in this group, only being eight years removed from a World Championship. However this edition has show some vulnerabilities and may get into trouble if they overlook the challenges in this deceptively difficult group.

Audioslavia may not be at the peak level they were at World Cup 12 and 13, but nonetheless, this is always a competitive side as Melmondians should know as defender Didi Romanov and goalkeeper Haydn Fenwick have been playing well in the Melmond Premier League.

Iansisle is one of those sides which seemed permanently trapped between the realms of greatness and mediocrity. With this group, one would expect that they will be in the latter realm this time around.

And then there is a side that is despised in Melmond more than Turnia, Oaker. Some sides may overlook them due to their relative inexperience, but these guys know how to pull clutch victories out their ass. Can they do it again? We here in Melmond won’t doubt these guys.

Prediction
1. Oaker
2. Audioslavia
3. Kingsford
4. Iansisle

Group D

The side from Rejistania has gone through a major overhaul after their disappointing performance in the last World Cup. This young side has tons of talent and should feed off the roars of their countrypeople.

Kaze Progressa has certainly been a team on the rise recently. However, one does notice some complacency from the body language of the players. They will have to shape up or be shipped out.

For some reason luck always seems to run for the sides from Lovisa recently. We have a gut feeling that they will do rather well in what should be a wild World Cup final.

The same can’t be said for Lovisa’s close ally in Wella. Although some experts considered them lucky to get fourth place in the Cup of Harmony in Melmond and Krytenia, they don’t have the same skill or serendipity that the Lovisans have.

Prediction
1. Rejistania
2. Lovisa
3. Kaze Progressa
4. Wella

Group E

It seems like every year we are waiting for the time where Europa Brittania will fall from the top echelon of NationStates football. They may have made the World Cup for their sixteenth straight time, but they need some inspiration to go with their talent.

Surprise second place finishers Squornshelous would be our favorites in this group as this group of Pschyoes (correct spelling believe it or not) seems more talented and inspired than ever. However, something tells me that in this World Cup, it will take more than talent and inspiration.

The Lowland Clans are a determined bunch of Clanners after a strong showing at the Cup of Harmony trying to bounce back from not qualifying for the last World Cup. Unfortunately in most NationStates football tournaments, bad things happen to any side which is connected to Scotland. Look at Halfassedstates and The Weegies.

Ineptia should really be playing with a style that fits closer to their name, but for some reason this side chronically overachieved and is in the World Cup. Talk about false advertising! For some odd reason, we see their string of luck continuing!

Prediction
1. Squornshelous
2. Ineptia
3. Europa Brittania
4. The Lowland Clans

Group F

The Eagles Nest still seems to be flying high under the guidance of new manager Josh Adams. If their determination continues to match their talent, they are side that deserves to win the World Cup. Recently, however, the scorination goddess has spit on deserving sides.

Total n Utter Insanity is another perennial contender. Their creative style of total and utterly insane football has kept opponents guessing for almost half a century and should have moderate success in this cup.

Mattigool is a rather puzzling side. They played with urgency when their talent wasn’t as strong and now that they have a very talented group they seem complacent on the pitch.

It is rather nice to see the Celestials of Krytenia in the World Cup. Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm found himself pleasantly surprised about the level of talent which is in this country when he started playing in Krytenia. However, The Eagles Nest and Total n Utter Insanity may prove to be too much for this side.

Prediction
1. The Eagles Nest
2. Total n Utter Insanity
3. Krytenia
4. Mattigool

Group G

Les Bleus d’Eauz are always a strong contender with a considerable amount of heart. But in this cup, one suspects that they will get caught off guard at the most crucial moment. A very good side nonetheless.

Oglethorpia is another one of those prestigious sides trying to return to greatness. But one feels that this group doesn’t bode well for this side in this wacky World Cup.

Mainly because the former vanguards of futility NEWI Cefn Druids are in this group, and considering their past reputation as losers; this World Cup will probably give them all the biggest breaks at the right moments. Also this team finally does have some talent and lots of heart.

It was rather amazing to see that Lykaia was the first team to qualify for the World Cup. These chronic overachievers will probably melt in this strong group.

Prediction
1. Eauz
2. NEWI Cefn Druids
3. Oglethorpia
4. Lykaia

Group H

Brazillico is a dynamic and colorful side which unfortunately missed their chance to play in front of their countrypeople as the entire nation has come down with the apathy virus. Only karma will keep these guys from being in the cellar of the group.

Spaam is a perennial contender and was picked by some pundits (mainly in Vilita) to win the entire World Cup. They are talented, but there have been stronger sides to come from this nation.

After stumbling big time in World Cup 15 qualifying and getting a very dismal ninth out of sixteen at the Cup of Harmony in Krytenia and Melmond, Svecia is back with a vengeance and will play very strongly in this cup.

Originally the surprising side of Larkinia was supposed to be in the World Cup, but as they qualified, the nation collapsed and therefore the team could not participate. The lucky side who will take their place is One Red Dot. We look down on such luck here so last place in our predictions you will go.

Prediction
1. Svecia
2. Spaam
3. Brazillico
4. One Red Dot

Round of 16
Commerce Heights over Bedistan
Vilita over Tadjikistan
Oaker over Lovisa
Rejistania over Audioslavia
Squornshelous over Total n Utter Insanity
The Eagles Nest over Ineptia
Spaam over Eauz
NEWI Cefn Druids over Svecia

Quarterfinals
Commerce Heights over Oaker
Vilita over Rejistania
Squornshelous over Spaam
NEWI Cefn Druids over The Eagles Nest

Semifinals
Vilita over Commerce Heights
NEWI Cefn Druids over Squornshelous

Finals
NEWI Cefn Druids over Vilita

Experts suggest walk-taking, book-reading, or going down to your local shooting range and emptying a few rounds at a paper man.

Please bear/bare in mind that non-americans are reading this, the concept of a 'local shooting range' anywhere else on the planet is about as alien as the idea that the KKK might have a Michael Moore appreciation society... :)

Kingsford treading water
Waters cannot be confirmed/denied as being 'satire'

As soon as the final whistle blew at the end of Kingsford's 1-0 win over Oaker on match-day one, Audioslavia knew that all they needed was two draws from their final two games to be sure of a place in the second round. They achieved one of the draws against a plucky Oaker side a few days later before coming again to the KaMaRi stadium, Rejistania, to take on ex-champions Kingsford.

If the fixture had looked ominous before the competition started, it most certainly did in the hours running up to the match. Kingsford had been royally thumped 3-1 by Iansisle in mid-week and were languishing third in the table behind Iansisle by virtue of having scored one less goal.

With Iansisle facing bottom-side Oaker and looking good for at least a point, Kingsford knew that to be 75% sure of qualification, they needed to put a few past the 'slaves without reply.

The Kings, who had seemed unconfident and jittery against Iansisle, lined up against the 'slaves looking determined and as firey as their World Cup winning side of eight years ago. Audioslavia looked ready - questions over their leaky defence were soon to be answered. They would be answered within ten minutes.

The Kings' number eleven sent a beautiful ball over from the left wing as Kingsford took the game to the 'slaves. Punched away by Scott, the ball wasted no time in flying back into the area as Kingsford number 10 lashed a shot from twenty yards. With the goalkeeper in no-mans land, the ball sailed un-harmed accross the face of the goal, ricocheting off the left hand post and out towards the touchline. A warning accross the 'slaves bow, but it wouldnt be soon until first blood. Number Ten again found himself on the edge of the area on ten minutes and with a swift turn and a chip found the Kings winger racing in behind a ball-watching Didi Romanov. The winger took on Jones but got caught up in the keepers flailing legs. Romanov moved to clear the ball but only succeeded in up-ending a backpedalling Kingsford number nine. Penalty after ten minutes. Scott guessed right, but the KF striker shot left, and Kingsford were one-up after ten minutes.

Audioslavia's fight back was swift. First Bracken forced a save out of the Kingsford goalkeeper, then Laver saw a header shave the top of the bar. With quarter of an hour remaining in the half, Laver again had his sights on goal, but an attempted twenty-yard thunderbolt went hopelessly wrong. Kingsford Dude cleared it, the winger took it past Jaynes, a counter-attack was on.

Kingsford Winger Dude sprinted towards goal straight towards the two 'slave defenders Pearce and Rep, who were too busy backpedalling to make a challenge. Kingsford Striker dude found some space, a quick ball in from the winger, a quick finish by the striker, and Kingsford were two goals up.

Half time saw a substitution by both sides. Kingsford took off their attacking midfielder in favour of a defensive one, whilst the 'slaves replaced O`Rourke with O`Brien and changed to a 3-5-2 formation to deal with the Kings' midfield supremacy.

Both sides started the second half at lightening pace, with both goalkeepers tested numerous times by quick counterattacks, crosses and the odd long-range effort. Spectacular for the crowd to watch, but the Audioslavians were getting restless, knowing that an Iansisle win would see Audioslavia out if the score stayed the same.

As time wore on and the match entered the last twenty minutes, Audioslavia started to gain the upper hand, the desperation of needing to replace a two-goal deficit overcome that of needing to keep a two-goal lead.

Carsten Rossler, a late substitute for James Laver, had a chance cleared off the line whilst Bracken time and time again found oppotunities for himself in front of goal but squandered them. On the eighty-minute mark Audioslavia finally broke through, Bracken to Croft, Croft to Rossler and finally Rossler to Tanner who beat the goalkeeper in a one-on-one to cut the Kings' lead in half.

Ten minutes to go and one goal to score, the 'slaves got their tails up and went for it, missing just one oppotunity and wasting just three minutes in getting the equaliser, as Tanner fed Jaynes through to get number two.

Audioslavia made their final substitution, a defensive one with Lars Maier coming on for Jack Croft, and Audioslavia set about defending the result; one which would see Audioslavia through for sure, but would mean Kingsford would have to wait. It would be here that Audioslavia's leaky defence would be truly tested, having to deal with not two, but four Kingsford strikers after the Kings' managers last-ditch substitutions. One sub hit a shot over the bar from twenty-two yards, before two crosses in succession saw two desperate saves from two powerful headers. Going into injury time, Audioslavia were defending corner after corner.

The looks from the two managers on the bench contrasted. Audioslavia's Paul Ward sat chewing his nails, grimacing at every ball the 'slaves lost, whilst Kingsford Manager Imtoogoodtopost Aroster walked around in his area shouting abuse at people and threatening to eviscerate any players he deemed to be 'underperforming'.

With thirty seconds to go, Kingsford forced their tenth corner of the game, the goalkeeper sprinted up field, and General Kingster made their last stand. The ball whipped over from the winger struck the goalkeeper's elbow as he dived over heads to punch it clear. Falling down beside the Kings' number eleven, the winger turned past Rep but was felled by the sprawling defender in front of a stand full of rowdy Kingsfordians. Rep pleaded innocence, the winger bleeded profusely, the crowd pleated profanities, but the referee denied everything, probably the last denial he'll ever make before he says 'i dont think you've got the nerve to pull that trigger' in front of an angry Kingsfordian dude with a big gun (one that he was practising with at his friendly local neighbourhood firing-range no less).

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 2 (Tanner 80, Jaynes 83)
Kingsford 2 (Dude 10, Dude 38)

Group C: Pld Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Audioslavia 3 5 1 1 0 8:5 3
2. Kingsford 3 4 1 1 1 4:5 -1
3. Iansisle 2 3 1 0 1 3:4 -1
4. Oaker 2 1 0 1 1 3:4 -1


The "WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?!?" section:

WHO ARE YOU?!?!?: Audioslavia
WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?: Anything really, although Iansisle losing/drawing with Oaker will mean we top the group.

WHO ARE YOU?!?!?: Kingsford
WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?: Iansisle to lose, or Iansisle to draw 0-0 with Oaker. Anything other than that, and theyre out

WHO ARE YOU?!?!?: Iansisle
WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?: Want to beat Oaker and go through, although a 1-1 draw would see them pip Kingsford to that second spot by virtue of results between the teams.

WHO ARE YOU?!?!?: Oaker
WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?: Miracles/Bad Mathematicians/Both. Declare this an emergency, come on and swear the sense of urgency, and pull us through, oo oo oooo

Ive been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

OOC: Jeez, I didn't mean to cause such a fuss. It was only a light hearted joke. I'm sorry if Eauz took it the wrong way, but it just appeared a little ignorant and disrespectful. Handshakes and friends again, eh?

The Trial of Bill Posters
Day 5 - Witness 5

Call Lykaia Fan #1337

Owen Kelly (prosecution): "You are a Lykaia fan, yes?"

Lykaia fan: "Yes."

Kelly: "You were present at the match here in NEWI Cefn Druids between the home nation and your own, were you not?"

Lykaia fan: "I was."

Kelly: "Have you heard the latest from the World Cup?"

Lykaia fan: "No. Why?"

*Kelly turns on TV to show DruidSport, as Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po slots another goal past the Lykaian keeper, making it 3-0 to the Druids with just five minutes remaining.*

Kelly: "You lost again! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"




The Daily Druid

LYK IN THE BALLS
Björn-Trevor Frederiksson on NEWI Cefn Druids 3 Lykaia 0

After the unexpected yet stylish victory over Eauz, which you hopefully watched on TV as our reporting wasn't up to much, the Druids looked odds-on to reach the second round of the World Cup for the first time ever. A draw against Lykaia would seal it for them, but they did better than that.

Lykaia did beat the Druids once, so an easy ride wasn't expected. But an easy ride they got, as the Druids, knowing they only needed a draw to go through, eased into a two-nil lead during the first half. In fact, the Druids had had 100% of the possession at one point, though this was after eight seconds when they had had kick-off. They just taunted the Lykaians by passing the ball about a bit and scoring whenever they felt like it. Which was twice.

Firstly, Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po wandered into the Lykaia box unchallenged and put away a simple effort, before Trevor Belmore got bored of taunting the Lykaians with their play, hitting a 25 yard screamer past the helpless Lykaian goalkeeper.

The second half was much less one sided, as the Druids sat back a bit more, knowing that their opponents would have to score at least three goals for the Druids to have any chance of going out. But the Lykaians couldn't break the Druids down. Lambealle and Hinton were a pair of man-mountains at the back, rarely looking troubled. The only time they did have a bit of bothered was when one of the Lykaians crept round the back, being played onside by Griffiths, only to be denied by Garth in goal, who tipped the chip onto his left-hand post.

The Druids rounded it off with five minutes left, when Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po broke clear, taking the mickey out of the Lykaian defender who had stayed back by taking him on seventeen times before curling one past the keeper.

So who will we face in the next round. Unfortunately for you readers, I don't know the other scores yet, so I can't tell you. But to be honest, things are looking quite rosy for us right now. AOCAF Cup winners for the second time in a row, furthest we've ever been in the World Cup, things have never been so swell!

Final Score:
NEWI Cefn Druids 3 [Gessemschmitthaagen-Po 12, 85, Belmore 37]
Lykaia 0



WAYNE OTTGUNN-IRWIN 'RETIRES'
By Ian Question Mark.

Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin, sports reporter for The Daily Druid for almost twenty years, has been forced into early retirement. Medical reports suggest that Ottgunn-Irwin is losing his memory (and his marbles), and so he has been released by the company.

The warning signs have been there to see in his work. Firstly, he cracked up on paper during his World Cup Preview, before completely losing it in an attack on Eauzian newspaper Le LIBRE over their report of the Eauz v NEWI Cefn Druids match that differed to the one he presented in The Daily Druid. As it turns out, the whole world knew that Le LIBRE had the occurances of hte match in the right order all along. Even the millions of Druids fans back home knew that the Druids raced into a 3-0 lead, before being pegged back to 3-2 at half time, then scoring two more in the second half.

In the end, letting Ottgunn-Irwin go was probably best for all involved. I, for one, am glad that the miserable old git has gone. I think Björn-Trevor Frederiksson is too, as he has now taken over Ottgunn-Irwin's role.



Le LIBRE - AN APOLOGY

The Daily Druid would like to apologise to Eauzian newspaper Le LIBRE for the mistakes made by its former reporter Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin. We didn't know that the old duffer was going to watch the whole match without remembering a single thing about it. We've sacked him, and he won't write for us again. We'd have done it at the end of the cup, anyway, but now we've got an excuse. In fact, not only are we sorry to Le LIBRE, we want to thank you for giving us a good reason to sack him. He sucked!

For more reaction from last night's game, buy The Daily Druid tomorrow.

For more reaction from last night's game, buy The Daily Druid tomorrow.

buy it? fuck that im gonna download it off the net :p :)

Melmondian Snub Cost TEN Match

TnUI Wins Group After 1-0 Win Against Birds

It all fell aprt in the second half when Adams read this:


((Round of 16))
Squornshelous over Total n Utter Insanity
The Eagles Nest over Ineptia
Spaam over Eauz
NEWI Cefn Druids over Svecia

Quarterfinals
Commerce Heights over Oaker
Vilita over Rejistania
Squornshelous over Spaam
NEWI Cefn Druids over Eauz


Noting that TEN was predicted to win their round of 16 match, but yet somehow not even being allowed to play in the quarterfinals, Coach Adams started ranting at his assistants at how Melmond is too good for them, and well, we think he may have had a few drinks that day or something, but regardless, he failed to see his players out of poisition and call them back to protect the box. When he looked up the TnUI counter attack was already on, and it was too late. 3 on nil basically gives a goal to TnUI, and it did. The Birds did manage a great change in injury time, but the ball bounced harmlessly off of the post. This was TnUI's first win over The Eagle's Nest, again by the customary 1-0 score that is always shown in a TEN-TnUI game.

We THINK that TEN, who is now second in the group will play the winner of Group E, but we will wait to see how the rest of the matches play out. With TnUI's win, Group F is set regardless of the result of the other match.


Group F

Pos Team G W D L F A GD Pts
1 Total n Utter Insanity 3 2 1 0 3 0 3 7
2 The Eagles Nest 3 2 0 1 5 3 2 6
E Krytenia 2 0 1 1 2 3 -1 1
E Mattigool 2 0 0 2 0 4 -4 0


Coach Adams refused to interview after the match, and is expected to be fined 25,000 claws for his refusal. In other news, it has been cleared up that the vegetable abuse scandel is concering a local transplnat coach Josh Adans from Hash n Beans coaching a small division 3 team in southern Rejistania.

DAILY CROCODILE

Facing the defending champion, with their fate in their own hands, the Crocodiles were stoked. "There is no team i hate more than Commerce Heights," said SuperFan Doe Raymi, dressed as a crocodile devouring a dollar sign. "They are evil made manifest, abomination in the sight of God."

The players, though, gave Commerce Heights a great deal more respect, playing a careful, defensive match against the dangerous Bulldogs. The defence and midfield jammed things up, with only one striker forward, waiting for long balls. Commerce Heights would press but be frustrated, and then one of the midfielders would pass the ball up to Carmel Budiarjo. Despite chances on both sides, it was 0-0 at half time.

Then, in the 71st minute, one of those long balls finally worked. Budiarjo snagged a pass, feinted left and then put it away with a shot high to the right. Ten thousand Crocs fans surged to their feet as one. "Carmel, Carmel!" they shouted as she took her bows and was substituted by a fifth defender. "Marry me, Carmel!" shouted the superfan. "No, me!" shouted other fans, some of them trying to streak naked on to the pitch but being stopped by the efficient Rejistanian security.

Twenty minues of Italian-style football later, 5,000 fans had fallen asleep and the Crocodiles were through to the next round, topping their group after barely scraping through qualifiers.

"I'm so happy i could pee," said Modesto Ruak Ruak, undefeated since taking over as coach in the last days of the qualifiers. "And it's nothing at all to do with my bonus, the keys to the old Palace of the Sultan of Banjarmasin and a luxury yacht. I care nothing for such baubles."

WHO ARE YOU?!?!?: Kingsford
WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?: Iansisle to lose, or Iansisle to draw 0-0 with Oaker. Anything other than that, and theyre out
You need to add “And you want Squornshelous to spontaneously combust.

Surprise second place finishers Squornshelous would be our favorites in this group as this group of Pschyoes (correct spelling believe it or not) seems more talented and inspired than ever.
Wrong! It’s Pschychoes!


SQUORNSHELOUS WINS GROUP E!

A 2-1 upset of group favorites Europa Britannia puts the Squornshelous Pschychoes into first place in the group after the third and final matchday.

The game was unusually quiet until the 28th minute, when first year forward Igor Raskolnikov put one past the Europan keeper. It happened immediately following an attack by the Europans. Defender Ernesto Gonzalez intercepted a through ball aimed for (forward) and cleared it up the field. After a botched trap by (defender) at midfield, star striker Tobias Jones pounced on the ball and sprinted upfield, flanked on either side by the defense. As they closed in on him, he spotted the unmarked Raskolnikov on the left sideline and lobbed a cross over to him. Igor came in toward the corner of the box and hammered the ball home into the top left corner of the net. The keeper could be seen dressing down his defenders for their missed coverage after the play.

In the 54th minute, Europa Britannia struck back. (Midfielder) sent a perfect through ball up the middle of the field that caught (forward) perfectly in stride. He outran rookie defenders Travis Delmore and Quentin Harrisson and fired from point blank range. All Squornshelan keeper George Clark could do was watch.

With the game winding down, the Sqournshelans began to come to accept the prospect of a draw, which, while disappointing, would put the Pschychoes through to the next round. All except Tobias Jones that is. He pushed aggressively in enemy territory for the entire game, and during an injury timeout in the 81st minute for midfielder Otto Friedel, who twisted his ankle and was replaced by Jorge Cardonez, he could be seen exhorting his teammates to make a push for the win. That push paid off in the third minute of stoppage time, when midfielder Darrik Rutter received a perfect pass from Jones, who then sprinted goalwards. He dribbled for a moment, then faked a lob back to Jones, but instead, he cut to the outside. Losing his marker with the fantastic move, he fired from the right edge of the box and sent the ball sailing across the goal mouth parallel to the goal line. The keeper watched this ball go and followed it to the opposite side of the goal, just as it sailed right into the head of the leaping Jones. The rebound shot back across the net and hit the back of the net. The resulting celebration was so exuberant as to earn a yellow card from the referee.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-1 Europa Britannia

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Raskolnikov [28]
EB: (forward) [54]
SQ: Jones [93]

Card Summary:
SQ: Jones [93] (yellow)

Group E Standings after half of Matchday 3
Group E: GP Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Squornshelous 3 7 2 1 0 4: 2 2
2. Europa Brittania 3 4 1 1 1 4: 3 1
3. Ineptia 2 1 0 1 1 2: 3 -1
4. The Lowland Clans 2 1 0 1 1 0: 2 -2

How funny...The Eagles Nest complaining about a typo....

How funny...The Eagles Nest complaining about a typo....

::wonders what he's missing::

From the Ianapalis Star-Tribune:

Iansisle Tops Table AGAIN!?
Fans, Coaches, Players confused on what the hell happened

KAMARI KALI, Rejistania -- The few dozen Ians fans spread out among the seats, most of whom were too intimidated by the glares of nearby much more numerous Oaker faithful to even don the red, green, and white, supposed they ought to be cheering as time ran out and the Ians gathered in the middle of the pitch to celebrate a 1-0 victory over Oaker.

Fans were surprised enough when a 3-0 victory combined with a Commerce Heights draw to let the Ians top Group 14 in qualifying. The Ians never qualify for the World Cup; and, if the planets are aligned just right and they do, they CERTAINLY never top the table! They slink through when no one else is watching!

Many attribute the Ians’ new spirit to head coach John Copplestone, who made his debut this year. Copplestone as a player had the reputation for never giving up, and he imbues his players and coaches with that spirit. David Westmore’s Ians certainly would have rolled over and given up in the face of a 0-3 thumping by Audioslavia, but Copplestone’s Ians came back and thumped Kingsford 3-1.

And now, behind a strong defense and Geoffrey Fletcher’s goal in the 37th minute, the Ians are not only advancing but have actually won the group.

“I knew this team had it in them all along,” said Copplestone at a news conference held specifically to pat himself on the back. “We take our licks, sure, but we keep on ticking. This may not be the most talented team I’ve ever seen, they are one of the scrappiest and more resilient. Hurrah the Ians!”

There’s no time for the Ians to rest on their laurels, though. Though no opponent has yet been specified for the Round of Sixteen, the Ians have to get ready. On their only other qualification bid, the Ians lost to host Oglethorpia after barely slipping through group phase. Copplestone hopes to better that and hopefully lead Iansisle to its first truly spectacular World Cup showing. As far as the finals, perhaps?

“I wouldn’t go that far,” said Copplestone. “We’re a good side, there’s no doubt about that. But we’re playing with the big boys now. We might make the quarterfinals if the breaks go our ways, but I don’t want to get everyone’s hopes up. Maybe in WCXVII.”

Group C: Pld Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1) Iansisle 2 6 2 0 1 4:4 0
2) Audioslavia 3 5 1 2 0 8:5 3
3) Kingsford 3 4 1 1 1 4:5 -1
4) Oaker 2 1 0 1 2 3:5 -2

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Vilita [0]-[0] Turnia

Matix Veran Stadium, Matix kali, Rejistania
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..........The Vilita Jungle Cats have advanced to the Second Round of the world cup finals for the first time after a 0-0 draw with Turnia. After the match, Vilitan Head Coach Helmut Vilkaus held a press conference at the Matix Veran Stadium.

------------"While I am a little dissapointed that we couldn't beat Turnia, I certainly can't complain about topping the group and moving on to the second round. The lads did just what they needed to do against Turnia, which was not lose. They knew that as long as they avoided defeat they would be moving on to the second round. Massimo has been great, so has the entire defense, being one of only a few teams that can claim to not conceding a goal so far in the finals. In fact, We've barely conceded anything the whole cup, with the exception of the two Audioslavia matches, we've conceded just one each to Raptor Claw and The Redavic Union after we'd already clinched qualification."

------------"It's not all been the defense however, Germán Salomón has seemed to finally find a bit of form just at the right time. He's now got 2 in 4 matches, and while it's nothing to call home about, it's certainly promising after he'd been shutout for most of the qualifiers. Stepping on a bit of a tangent here, I have to mention the performance of Serge DuPont, I haven't been using him as much this cup as we've had him starting for the Regional side in AOCAF, and while the team underperfomed losing out twice to Crystilakere, Serge was nothing short of spectacular, setting an AOCAF scoring record there with 7 throughout the competition, which has also thrown him up on top of the all-time regional scorers list. While i expect to keep Callum (Banda) and Salomón together in the second round, don't be surprised to see Serge DuPont's number as the first flashing on the substitutes board."

------------"Real quick before I go, I'd like to just single out one more player, and thats Nicoló Alicicco. Nicoló's been named to the roster here for the finals, and it's the first time he's been included in the senior squad. He's paid his dues over at Colonial Sile for a while but was always one of the quiet contributors so he never really got noticed until Colonial were promoted to the Stellar. Nicoló's been a great addition to the lockeroom, he's a real funny chap and he's really taking these matches as if it truly means something to him every time his name shows up on the team sheet. He's a real inspiration to some of the other players, and hey, his performance against Bedistan as a sub wasn't half bad either!. Alright well I've got to start watching some videos, I'll be back tomorrow."



Jungle Cats to face World Champions

Matix Veran Stadium, Matix kali, Rejistania::
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--------------The Vilita Jungle Cats will be welcoming defending World Cup Champions Commerce Heights to their home away from home in Matix kali, Rejistania in their first ever World Cup Second Round matchup. The two meet up after the Jungle Cats goalless fraw with Turnia was enough to see them top Group B, while Commerce Heights were downed by Tanah Burung to drop to second in Group A. The Jungle Cats have never before faced their economically priveleged opponents, however, they will have a slight advantage going into the match being on a 6 match unbeaten run. The Match will also be played at the Matix Veran Stadium in Matix kali, where all of Vilita's group stage matches were held. Vilitan coach Helmut Vilkaus has already named a provisional 18 for the biggest match in National history, stating that he was hard set on this lineup barring any injuries.

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Goalkeepers :: Massimo Corsi & Jimmy Kater
Defenders :: Enzo Ahat, Giacomo Adika, Jaloey Afrikka & Danilo Liguori
Midfielders :: Jürgen Ramzi, Santo Kecker, Jonathon Stott, Jonathon Baledrokadroka, Umberto Melli, Alexander Östling, Calaesa Mitaroka & Nicoló Alicicco
Forwards :: Callum Banda, Germán Salomón, Serge DuPont & Jim Vella


Colonial seal Hsen Deal
Colonial Sile FC Press Release, Sile, Vilita::
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-------------Vilitan Stellar division club Colonial Sile have finally landed their #1 offseason target. There had been much speculation around the transfer which had been rumored since the second Colonial announced their offseason transfer budget, with most believing that the transfer would be a high profile Rejistanian transfer, however some conflicting reports had indicated that Colonial were after a player based in Kaze Progressa. Colonial officials confirmed that they had spoken briefly with a club in Kaze Progressa while exploring options in case their desired transfer did not go through. However, the backup signing was not needed as Colonial Sile announced the signing of 20 year old Rejistanian defender Kadu Hsen. It is believed that one of the things holding back the transfer was that Colonial had also expressed interest in Hsen's teammate, Hetlasane Hetkali goalkeeper Hetaneserari Ky, but eventually decided to sign Cockbill Streetan Jonathan Havell. In addition to Hsen and Havell, Colonial have already signed Oaker midfielder Arthin Oaker on a free transfer. Colonial are expected to compete with Turoki Isle, Tivali City and Cednia Beach in the race for a top five spot in the Vilitan Stellar division this season.


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Finals Matches:
M01: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [0] - [0] Gesamtkuntswerk
M02: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [0] Bedistan
M03: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [0] - [0] Turnia
-----------
2nd: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - [] Commerce Heights

Le LIBRE

Boring Match

Les Bleus found themselves in dangerous and known territory in the final match day, as they had to get a victory against a tough team from Oglethorpia. The last time these two teams met was in Kingsford during world cup 14, where a large riot started between the two teams fans. This time was different as the fans were more civil and relaxed, along with higher security at this match.

With a sell out crowd, Oglethorpian and Eauz fans sat side by side, one could feel the tension between the two teams. The match wasn’t the only thing under inspection, as Le Libre who decided to make up its own version of a match against the Druids was being watched for anything suspicious. The match started and Les Bleus took possession of the ball. Both teams were playing very defensively, as most of the start of the match was played in the mid-field area. Moving towards the 20th minute of play Oglethorpia found a way into the Eauz zone, as a pass was made towards the front of the net. An Oglethorpian player kicked it, only to be tipped over the bar by Rousoi. Flashing towards the 40th minute of play the last time these two teams played, the match got into a vicious fight between fans. As for the present match, the fans looked much more relaxed and calm. There were still some chants and yelling, but nothing violent. The first half ended on a high note for Les Bleus as a late attack by Les Bleus came up field, kicking the ball, only to go off the side bar and out of play. The first half ended in a 0 – 0 tie.

This match appeared to be going towards the same as last time they faced each other, towards a Foosball competition. Neither team wanted to do that, but there was still very little attacking in the start of the second half. During the 70th minute of play, most fans were falling asleep as they were getting less action than Vilita(hehe, sorry Vilita). A break for Les Bleus though came during the 79th minute of play as Vilix got control of the ball taking it up field. He found Henrey in the centre, which kicked the ball towards the goal. The Oglethorpian keeper stopped it, but was unable to control it, and Joseuf came out of nowhere and stuffed it into the back of the net. Finally something for the fans to cheer or boo about and get excited as Les Bleus went up 1 – 0 late in the second half. As for the Oglethorpian team, they did not seem to be in the match anymore as they saw Les Bleus go up 1 – 0. The match would finish at the 1 – 0 victory for Les Bleus, which meant the team was able to achieve in big moments as well as advance to the round of 16. With a NEWI victory as well, The Druids surprise Les Bleus by taking the group with 7 points. Les Bleus finish with 6 points, as the first place came down to a 1 point difference. Les Bleus will now wait for the winner of Group H which could possibly be a rematch of the World Cup 13 final against Spaam.

OCC to NEWI Cefn Druids

Hey, I’m sorry for my reaction about the RP. I shouldn’t have taken it out of context. I was just upset that you win a 5 – 2 victory, and you don’t even want to RP about it. Oh well, I shouldn’t have been an idiot like I was. I don’t want you to change the way you RP your matches. Anyways, I shouldn’t have told you that you have to RP a certain way. Do as you feel. Once again, I’m sorry…



Group G Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. NEWI Cefn Druids 7 2 1 0 9: 3 +6
2. Eauz 6 2 0 1 4: 5 -1
3 Oglethorpia 4 1 1 1 2: 2 0
4. Lykaia 0 0 0 3 0: 5 -5

OOC: *Gives Eauz a big manly hug*



The Trial of Bill Posters
Day 6 - The final speeches

Owen Kelly (prosecution): "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I know you're probably tired of all this trawling through evidence and so on, but then it has been boring, enough to send you to sleep. When this is over,though, you can relax, sit back, and just drift... softly... into a deep... sleep... and, when you wake up, all the members of the jury will think that Bill Posters is guilty of teh murder, even though we can all tell that he is clearly not guilty. Judge Joodee, you will sentance Mr Posters accordingly to the verdict the jury give. Now remember, none of you will ever be able to remember me saying all this to you, OK? ...And we're back, so you must find the defendant guilty.

Judge Joodee: "And now the defence..."

Wayne Kerr (defence): "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I don't really have to say much to you, you've seen that there is no evidence that supports the idea that Bill Posters murdered Tim Welsh. In fact, the evidence presented suggests that it was probably 'Psychic Sue Wilkinson, but we'll leave that for another day. We just want you all to see sence, and find the defendant not guilty."




The Daily Druid

DRUIDS GO OUT (PROBABLY)
Björn-Trevor Frederiksson reports

After finishing top of what was a tough group, the Druids have been faced with a game against their most common opponents, Brazillico. In the thousands of games between the two (or so it seems), the Druids have only ever won once properly, and once when the Melmond voodoo dice stopped the Brazillican players from entering the stadium. So, it all looks promising, then.

Well, aparently I'm looking on the bleak side of things. Simon Greaves seems a lot more hopeful. "They usually play us when we're out of form," he told us. "The only time we ever beat them was when we were in the best form we'd ever been in. I think we're in that position again now, so we've got a good chance."

The home side must be disappointed not to be playing in front of their home fans, and Greaves thinks that the Chili Bats might suffer because of this. "They didn't top their group, and they've played a lot better than that in the past. This is as good a chance as any to get one over on an old rival."

CefnBet bookmakers bet of the day is for a 2-0 win for Brazillico, at 4-1. That's usually the score, so let's see how it goes, eh?

Melmond: :P

TEN draws Squornshelous

#11 Squornshelous vs #3 The Eagles Nest (Hanin Sekhika Stadium, KaMaRi kali)
3 PM Local time.

A news reporter comes on TEN news in the sports section.

Flash back if you will to the World Cup 15 Semifinals, when then player Josh Adams misses a penalty kick that would tie the game in sudden death PK's. Flash back to the anguish and upset the Birds felt when they lost the chance to play for the cup on home soil because of a bad penalty spot. Yeah baby, it's revenge time.

The Nest locker room is FILLED with clippings and pictures from that fateful day. The team knows what they must do, avenge the most painful loss in Strike Bird History, and only meeting between TEN and Squornshelous. The players have been very focused and attentive to the practice regiment the last few days, especially after their embarassing loss to TnUI in Group Day 3. Tune in tomorrow at 3 pm local time to see whether or not the Birds can give back what they got from last cup. For TEN News 4, I'm Laura Cargill.

TEN vs. Squornshelous Match History:

WCXV Semifinal: Lost to Squornshelous 0-0 0-0 AET, 3-3PK, 4-5 PK

Sirake Tekim: Hejida! You're listening to Radio RejisCAST, the only english-speaking radio station in entire Rejistania. And today is the last match of the group stage. It might look as if we are through already, but we are not definately. This match might be the thoughest match in this cup for the Orange-Blues and it is against the regional rivals Kaze Progressa. For us again in SLS R (he pronounces it rejistanian as Sa-Le-Sa Ri) is Elin Ri. Hejida Elin!

Elin Ri: Hejida Sirake, Hejida to everyone listening to "live from the cup". As Sirake said, I am in SLS R (he pronounces it english as Es-ell-es arr) to broadcast about the match between the Orange-Blues and Kaze Progressa.

ST: How's the mood among the fans?

ER: Let's say: I can't believe there is a fan friendship between KP and Rejistania.

ST: That bad?

ER: The Progressans need to win, they need to win badly - and the Rejistanians, well, they are still in a very good mood after Lovisa was trashed 5:0.

ST: Please, Elin, don't say the team was trashed.

ER: creamed?

ST: No.

ER: jizzid?

ST: No, we have Lovisan sponsors.

ER: I knew that our radio station was doomed, but not that it sunk so low. Lovisan sponsors...

ST: You are still straigthforward and utterly disrespectfull.

ER: I know and like it.

ST: Why do you think you can do that?

ER: Because RejisCAST was desperate enough to hire me.

ST: Well, yes.

ER: and because people are listening to this channel to hear our discussions, not for the broadcast.

ST: don't tell me.

ER: Kalee JSK found it out in a poll for the marketing.

ST: well....

ER: We'd better start with the rosters: For the Rejistanians: Ninu Juru in goal, Syku Lulu, Kansu Xana, Dini Y and Xenra Ji in the defense, Ita Syku, Sime Hilat, Idine Takil and Hiki Suny are in the midfield and Syku "SyMji" Lyku and Lyku Ju as forwards.

ST: Hiki Suny is starter?

ER: Yes, he is.

ST: It is a bit strange to see Hiki start when the rest of the team consists of denoted starters.

ER: Well, it is, maybe Takil'he is using Hexatux.

ST: Hexatux?

ER: A mathematical-logical-mechanical-and-caffeine-powered coach system. It was developed in... Sikane. Oh... my... God... now I know why Sikane Sekhika won the HVSR!

ST: Their coach was a human being: Mesuvi Saka.

ER: He always had a strange thing in his ear, a hearing aid.

ST: Yes he had. So What?

ER: It could be modified to recieve Hexatux's orders...

ST: and where WAS Hexatux itself?

ER: No idea, I am only amazed that Sikane Sekhika of all teams won the HVSR.

ST: I am too, believe me. But I still don't believe in a thing called Hexatux.

ER: Well, then check who is coaching the Cockbill Street U21...

ST: I'll do during halftime.

ER: Well, for the Progressans: their goalie is: Narkina Alikni, the defense is: Teran Evaza, Reni Warlin, Lartaz Tazita and Arva Teboia. The mildfielders are: Dumpa Binzz, Cavinski Cozii-Danila, Fayu Fantavil and Craita Chesir. The forwards are: Quaza Alinev and Mowgi Taunilai. By the way: Progressan names are much easier to pronounce than Lovisan ones.

ST: Well, you still managed to mess them up.

ER: I always do, with names of all nationalities... as I said, RejisCAST (the connection becomes worse, the sound seems to fade out, noiss are heard) is utterly desperate. (a curse and a clap is heard, the noises suddently stop)

ST: Right, are you still here?

ER: I am. 't was just a small bug. Nothing'll stop the broadcast (at this time, a powercut in central Kalimntan stops the broadcast, the stadia had electriciy due to being in another kalesa, so the match could take place normally. The match ended with a 2:0 victory of Rejistania. Ju'he scored in the 25th minute and SyMji in the 78th)

The Port Lusambo Islander - Sunday Edition
Sunday, February 27, 2050 - Only þ1.29!

Team Wants Revenge Against Crocodiles
Lions look for first win against Tanah Burung

HETKALI, Rejistania -- The Bedistan Lions and the Tanah Burung Crocodiles have a long history of World Cup competition. Meeting for the first time in the first round of World Cup V, the rookie Lions, who had "qualified" for the Cup through a miracle, successfully held the host nation to a 1-1 draw to gain their first World Cup point. Bedistan and Tanah Burung would meet again over two decades later after being drawn into the same World Cup XI qualifying group. That infamous Cup, of course, is the only one to date that the Lions have failed to qualify for, and two 1-0 losses to the Crocs (admittedly one of the finest national football teams in the world) helped ensure that Bedistan wound up in the Cup of Harmony that time around.

So, as you might expect, the people of Bedistan think it's high time they won.

Both teams managed a result in their previous match. Bedistan has had a long history of drawing with Gesamtkuntswerk, as the record between those two teams now stands at 1-4-1. Tanah Burung is coming off a win over Commerce Heights, and of course 82% of Bedistani football fans hold the firm belief that CH is a crap squad.

"Oh, I think we can beat them [Tanah Burung]," commented Bedistan manager Brandon Barton when pressed for comment. "It's our time."

Reports of the Bedistan Department of Sports and Games allegedly sending billions of totally inflated yen to Rejistanian officials have not been confirmed and are described by the Department as "absolutely and undisputably false."

Another match of special interest to us is Vilita v Commerce Heights, taking place at the now-familiar Matix Veran Stadium in Matix kali. Should we successfully defeat Tanah Burung, we will play the winner of this match. Many fans are quite anxious to face either of these teams. Vilita, of course, beat us 2-0 in the group stage this year, but rabid Lions enthusiasts are certain that we would "stomp them" if we were to face them again in the quarterfinals. As for Commerce Heights, well, a bit of fierce regional rivalry is always a good thing in a World Cup, isn't it? Bedistan and Commerce Heights have met twice before, but only in friendly matches, and both of those matches ended in a draw. A quarterfinal matchup would ensure a winner, preferably Bedistan.

Just to remind WCC members that voting for WC17 Hosts finishes tomorrow.

A television blinks a few times, before a small white dot explodes and fills the screen with colour. Familiar shapes dance around the screen, some in a dark red colour, some in light blue and orange. As the picture sharpens, familiar passages of play from a football match can be seen and soon enough the scenes are identified as the final of the twelfth world cup, held sixteen years ago (ooc: has it really been sixteen years? feels more like six months...) between Audioslavia and Rejistania. Snippets of Lemmitanian* and Rejistanian commentary are heard over the action


Rejistania’s moved the ball into ‘Slave territory, testin’ out the defense. Jen ‘as it, facin’ Branson, an’ she passes to Linkosa now; Branson gets a toe on the ball, it’s out, an’ Linkosa to throw it in.

O’Hara with a clean tackle, and Branson comes up with the ball. Su challenges him, but Branson gets it up the field to Croft, and we’ll see the ‘Slaves going into attacking mode here.

O’Malley and Maiden have gotten behind the defense-- they only have one defender to beat, Kansu Kiru. Maiden sprinting toward the Rejistanian goal, and the only question is whether he’ll take the shot himself or pass it to O’Malley... He takes it himself-- goal! Kiru never got in front of him, covering the pass, and Maiden waited until he was on top of Diku and put it just out of his reach.

Some action in the box, as Jen Y takes a shot that Pedder deflects, Lyku comin’ up with it. An’ another shot-- goal! A goal at seventy-four minutes by Syku Lyku ties the score at a goal apiece! Oh, wot a turn of events! After leadin’ for the entire second ‘alf, Audioslavia suddenly find ‘emselves in an even game.

O'Malley'he has a good chance, but... yes! Save by Daki'he! The newbs still keep the score down to one all.


The players trudge off the pitch, the screen fades, and comes back with the penalty shoot out. Three and a half billion Audioslavians, glued to the tv, know exactly whats going to happen, but the events are mesmerising anyway. Kansu Kiru, in a now-filthy and muddy blue shirt with the solitary orange stripe, steps up and hits the ball low and hard to Audioslavia-circa-wc12 goalkeeper Matty Pedder's right. Pedder has no chance. Jackie Croft steps up for Audioslavia, his shirt just as dirty as the Rejistanian's. He sprints towards the ball as a flash of claret and green and sends it flying into the bottom corner, with Nana Daki going the wrong way.

The teams both trade goals again, before Rejistania's Jen Y and Audioslavia's Nicky Shearer both step up for penalty number two, with both players failing to score. Saka Syku blasts his shot at the bar, Iain Maidens beats Nana Daki, and Audioslavia look like winning on penalties. Daki himself takes Rejistania's next penalty and beats Pedder for 3-2. Paul Ward steps up, hits his shot well wide, and the 'slaves are back level.

SyLy steps up for Rejistania's last shot and buries it past a flailing Matty Pedder, before the eyes of the world fall on a nervous Aaron O`Hara. A run up, a shot, a giant, dead THUD as the ball ricochets off the upright. The Rejistanians go wide, and Audioslavia's first foray past the second round ends in tears.

DUM DUM DUMMM

Hi, Im Jeremy Jaffacake, and welcome to 'Lets get back at Rejis' night, on Channel One.....

to be continued...

[A video montage similar to that played before the Vilita match rolls onscreen, only in reverse order (well, almost). After the first Svecia match, then we see the first Tanah Burung match, including the historic goal scored by a Bedistani player there (alas, due to poor video quality, we can't make out the name or number on the back of his uniform, but we're sure it was either Johnny Lewis or Jeff Whitehurst). The footage fades out to the World Cup XVI logo, which is then replaced by a sweeping view of Hetkali Hetlasane Stadium.]

Ed: Hejida, everyone, and welcome to Hetkali Hetlasane Stadium here in Hetkali, Rejistania for World Cup Sixteen second-round action between the Bedistan Lions and the Tanah Burung Crocodiles. I'm Ed Allgood...

Terry: ...and I'm Terry Redd. Folks, I don't see an empty seat anywhere in this stadium, and the representation of fans looks pretty equal here, I'd say about 55-45 in favor of the Lions, judging by the colors worn by all those out in the stands. This is going to be one hell of a match.

Ed: Yep, you're right about that. As always, we'll start by looking at the rosters. For Tanah Burung, it's Andi Mallarageng between the posts, D.N. Aidit, Arlindo Zachary, Lukman, and Francisco do Amaral on defense, captain Anderson Mutang, Viktor Kaisiepo, Dita Sari, and Muchtar Pakpahan at midfield, and Carmel Budiarjo and Tan Malaka on attack.

Terry: No familiar names there, but that's not surprising, since it's been 20 years since we played them last. Now for the Lions: Hank Paulsen is our goalkeeper today; on defense, we have Ian Hammond, Carl Chang, Kevin Fields, and Dave al-Armani, who plays his club ball for Acosta Browns in Melmond; at midfield, Sam Willow, Nick Yu, Cedric Harris, who's just coming back from a one-match suspension thanks to that red card against Vilita, and Ted Best of the BPL champion Graceville Salamanders; and of course, Jackson Reinhardt and Benjamin Xi getting things done up front.

Ed: You won't want to miss a minute of this. Stay tuned.

[2nd minute]

Ed: Zachary with the pass upfield to Mutang. Mutang getting a little bogged down there at midfield, with Willow and Yu on his case.

Terry: What?! I don't get on anyone's case!

Ed: *sigh* Terry, we had this discussion during the Vilita match. When I say "you", I mean either you, Terry, or the viewers back at home. When I say "Yu", I mean Nick Yu, the Bedistani national football player.

Terry: Oh. By the way, Ed, you are the only person I've ever known that could successfully speak with a capital letter.

Ed: That's nothing. I can speak in italics, too.

Terry: Whoa! Dude, you're a freak.

Ed: I grew up in the western part of Sutelara, right next to the Commerce Heights border. All the pollution from Lexington really screwed me up as a kid.

Terry: Lexington? I always heard it was the nicest city in CH...

Ed: It is. But that's only relative to the rest of the cities there. By Bedistani standards, it's a dump.

Terry: Mm-hm.

Ed: So anyway, it looks like Bedistan gained possession sometime during that little dialogue. Ted Best over on the wing sends it up to Reinhardt. He takes a shot...and it goes flying over the bar! Those fans over in Section K better watch out...oh dear.

Terry: Don't worry, paramedics are on the way. It looks like a Tanah Burung fan got hit squarely in the nose by Reinhardt's shot there, and the fans are getting personal. I knew this match would be intense, but I'm thinking we haven't seen anything yet.

[33rd minute]

Ed: The score is still nil-all, but that doesn't do justice to the excitement we've seen in the first half hour. Five shots from Tanah Burung and six from the Lions, but none of those into the goal, with some of them saved in some pretty desperate attempts from Mallarageng and Paulsen.

Terry: Both teams playing some hard, aggressive football here, though not so aggressive that cards are being dispensed like candy.

[We faintly hear the sound of a door opening over the roaring crowd.]

Ed: Hey! What are you doing...oh! Hi, Johnny, it's great to have you here!

Terry: Johnny! Ah, ladies and gentlemen, we have a special guest here in the booth with us today. Scorer of that historic goal in the first Tanah Burung match, star striker for four World Cups, and later manager of the Bedistan Lions, now working in the Department of Sports and Games, please welcome the one and only Johnny Lewis!

Johnny: Thanks, Ed and Terry, it's certainly an honor to be here.

Terry: So, my first question for you: what do you think of the Lions' performance so far in this game?

Johnny: Oh, it's been nothing short of amazing. Tanah Burung is still one of the greatest squads in the world, and our boys are proving that they're just as good as the Crocs are.

Ed: Sorry to interrupt you there, but there goes Jackson Reinhardt rushing up the pitch toward the Tanah Burung goal! He fakes a shot, then follows up with a real one--

Terry: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO [he holds the note this time in excess of four minutes; we wonder how in the world he can hold his breath for such a long time] OOOOOOOOOOAL!

Ed and Johnny: YAHAH!

[We hear the sound of all three in the booth jumping frantically up and down. All of a sudden, the feed goes blank and over a billion Bedistanis watching the match on BSTV become seriously ticked off. It takes BSTV technicians over an hour to repair the feed. Finally, we return to the stadium.]

Ed: And there's the whistle! I don't know how they managed it, but they held on all the way to the end! Tanah Burung 0 - 1 Bedistan! We finally pulled it off!

[Johnny tries to say something, but it is totally incomprehensible as he is crying with sheer joy.]

Ed and Terry: See you in the quarterfinals!

------------

Final score:
Tanah Burung 0
Bedistan 1 (Reinhardt 35)

The Trial of Bill Posters
Day 7 - The verdict

Judge Joodee: "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a decision?"

Guy in jury: "We have."

Judge Joodee: "Was this a unanamous verdict?"

Jury guy: "Yes, it was."

Judge Joodee: "Do you find the defendant, Mr. William Trevor Posters, guilty or not guilty of the murder of Timothy Ivanhoe Welsh."

Jury guy: "We find the defendant not guilty."

Judge Joodee: "Ladies and gentlemen, everyone here knows that this entire episode has been a shambles. Especially as the main suspect is unquestionably one of the defence witnesses, Mrs. Sue Wilkinson. My recommendations are that Mrs. Wilkinson should be tried for the murder of Tim Welsh, and that the prosecution lawyer, Mr. Owen Kelly, be tried for perverting the course of justice. I mean, as if you htought you could hypnotise us all! You're an idiot, Mr. Kelly! I've never seen such a bad attempt at hypnotism in my whole life! Mr. Posters, you are free to go."

*The crowd applauds, though as they do, the jury all start clucking like chickens.*




The Daily Druid

YOU ALWAYS WIN TWO-NIL!
Björn-Trevor Frederiksson reports on NEWI Cefn Druids 3 Brazillico 2

After the completion of his farcical trial, Bill Posters jetted out to Rejistania for the Druids' second round match against Brazillico. However, due to a lack of practice, joint managers Trevor Kallins and Simon Greaves went with an unchanged side from the one that had won the last two games against Eauz and Lykaia.

However, teh first half was dire for the Druids. Guy Santos dominated for Brazillico, and scored two goals that showed great individual skill. For the first, he rounded Lambealle before unleashing a ferocious volley past a helpless Reg Garth. The second also had Garth helpless, this time Santos curling a 25-yard free kick over the wall, an effort that Garth could just fingertip onto the post.

Half time came. NEWI Cefn Druids 0-2 Brazillico. We'd all seen that scoreline before. But this time, the Druids were going to do something about it. Mo Leicerster, Bill Posters and Roland McDonald came on at half time for Trevor Griffiths, Trevor Phillipson and Trevor Collins, changing the formation to 3-5-2. It worked almost immediately, with the Druids pulling one back, as Leicester's through ball was parfect for Horace Orange to latch on to, and he squared it to an unmarked Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po. He couldn't miss, and didn't.

Then frustration for the Druids. Attack after attack, lots of which coming through Posters on the right for the Druids, were being shut out by an athletic, though sometimes lucky Brazillican defence. Then, in what is now becoming typical Druids (instead of what the phrase has meant previously - a team that plays poorly and never wins), the Druids pulled it back with five minutes to spare. Firstly, the ball bounced in of Trevor Belmore's knee from a Posters cross, then Posters scored a free kick even better than Santos' earlier from the right hand side.

It was all too much for some fans, as 14 people were taken to hostipal after the game suffering from overexcitement. One person who stayed cool, though, was Trevor Kallins. "That was payback for all the defeats they've ever caused us," he said, "But this time it mattered to us more, and it showed in that second half."

Bill Posters spoke about his trial for the first time after the match yedsterday. "It was so pointless, it really was. I feel like it's cost me a chance to prove myself on the biggest stage of all. Hopefully I can make up for lost time and help the Druids get as far as we can here."

Final Score:
NEWI Cefn Druids 3 [Gessemschmitthaagen-Po 47, Belmore 87, Posters 90]
Brazillico [Santos 19, 31]

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif

Vilita [1]-[2] Commerce Heights

Matix Veran Stadium, Matix kali, Rejistania
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

..........The Vilita Jungle Cats have Lost



Match Preview:

Jungle Cats to face World Champions

Matix Veran Stadium, Matix kali, Rejistania::
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

--------------The Vilita Jungle Cats will be welcoming defending World Cup Champions Commerce Heights to their home away from home in Matix kali, Rejistania in their first ever World Cup Second Round matchup. The two meet up after the Jungle Cats goalless fraw with Turnia was enough to see them top Group B, while Commerce Heights were downed by Tanah Burung to drop to second in Group A. The Jungle Cats have never before faced their economically priveleged opponents, however, they will have a slight advantage going into the match being on a 6 match unbeaten run. The Match will also be played at the Matix Veran Stadium in Matix kali, where all of Vilita's group stage matches were held. Vilitan coach Helmut Vilkaus has already named a provisional 18 for the biggest match in National history, stating that he was hard set on this lineup barring any injuries.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/teamsheet.gif
Goalkeepers :: Massimo Corsi & Jimmy Kater
Defenders :: Enzo Ahat, Giacomo Adika, Jaloey Afrikka & Danilo Liguori
Midfielders :: Jürgen Ramzi, Santo Kecker, Jonathon Stott, Jonathon Baledrokadroka, Umberto Melli, Alexander Östling, Calaesa Mitaroka & Nicoló Alicicco
Forwards :: Callum Banda, Germán Salomón, Serge DuPont & Jim Vella


http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/schedXV.gif
Finals Matches:
M01: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [0] - [0] Gesamtkuntswerk
M02: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [0] Bedistan
M03: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [0] - [0] Turnia
-----------
2nd: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [1] - [2] Commerce Heights

(Bedi: Tanah Burung was coming off a [w]win[/i] over Commerce Heights. A glorious, spectacular win. Viva!)

Crocodiles coach Modesto Ruak Ruak has announced he will be staying on following the team's elimination by Bedistan. "I think the Lions are going all the way this time," he said. "Should they play Commerce Heights, i stand ready to offer any assistance within my power to help them devour the opposition."

(Bedi: Tanah Burung was coming off a [w]win[/i] over Commerce Heights. A glorious, spectacular win. Viva!)

[OOC: Whoops, misread the RP. Sorry 'bout that!]

playing a careful, defensive match against the dangerous Bulldogs.
OOC: Actually, they're the Capitalizts now. http://terranordalis.thirdgeek.com/images/smiles/icon_wink.gif

Capitalizts Move On To Quarterfinals After Heated Match Against Vilita
MATIX KALI, REJISTANIA - The Commerce Heights Capitalizts, the team best-known for winning World Cup 15 amid accusations of so-called 'communiZt f1x0r1ng' of the scores, lived up to the high expectations of their fans in Rejistania today, defeating Vilita 2-1. Vilita led the game for almost the entire match after a 13th-minute goal by Callum Banda, barely escaping Capitalizt goalie Pound Sterling (one of the nine WC15 final veterans participating in WC16). The 0-1 score remained unchanged for 72 minutes, when reports came in that the nation of Vilita had started to disappear. A few of the Vilitan players began disappearing as well, causing a pass by Giacomo Adika to fly into the Vilitan goal when no one was there to stop it. The Capitalizts scored a second goal after all of the Jungle Cats had disappeared, but they decided to spend the final minute of the game celebrating rather than racking up points. Reports after the match confirmed that Vilita - and their soccer team - still existed, though it will not help them in this World Cup.
Final Score - Second Round:
(04) Commerce Heights 2 (Adika OG 85, Simoleon 89)
(33) Vilita 1 (Banda 13)

World Cup Quarterfinal Preview: #4 Commerce Heights vs #2 Bedistan
Previous Matches
WC12 Friendly: Commerce Heights 0 Bedistan 0 (Unity Stadium, International City*)
*The International City was in Paripana at the time the match was played

After defeating Tanah Burung in their second-round match, Bedistani fans have become full of hope that the Lions, ranked higher even after leaving WC15 competition earlier, will be able to defeat the defending champion Capitalizts. Capitalizt-Bedistani soccer rivalry dates back to the the Harmony Cup after WC11, in which Bedistan lost in the quarterfinals and Commerce Heights won (a very similar situation to WC15). The two teams hoped to play each other in the Cup, but, after the loss, fans were still hungry for competition between the two teams. As a result, the CHFF and BFA arranged for a friendly before WC12 in Unity Stadium, which ended in a disappointing 0-0 draw. The teams have not played each other since, but the massive random number generators inside the RP-bonus machines of WC16 have finally arranged for a match between the rival teams, a match which is guaranteed to have a winner. The Capitalizts, with 9 of the 11 players that won WC15, are now training harder than ever to face their opponents, driven by the hope that they can be only the second team in the history of the World Cup to successfully defend their title. With teams that are equally strong, the match will be left entirely to the mysterious machines controlling the games, the same machines that left the Bulldogs with several poorly-played games against Gesamtkuntswerk, and the same machines that kept Bedistan just centimeters away from the Cup.

Predicted Score: Commerce Heights 1 Bedistan 1 AET (?-? PKs)

Secour Secures Revenge Over Squornshelous

Hat Trick for Secour; 3-0 win Over Squornshelous

Secour, remembered Coach Adams' words, and the dissapointment he perosnally felt after the loss in World Cup XV and made sure it didn't repeat itself scoring 3 goals in the first half to put the game out of question, defeating Squornshelous 3-0 in the Round of 16. His first goal came on the 7th minute as he ran past a distracted Squornshelous defender to get his first goal. Stunned by the fast attack, Squornshelous shifted to a defensive posture for a bit to try to cool the Nest off, but to no avail as Horace stole the ball and blasted a shot that missed off the post, but Secour was there to tap in the rebound at the 35th minute. He followed it up with his third goal in injury time of the first half to set the half time score at 3-0. The second half, Coach Adams subbed in many of his midfielders and had them set back to clog up the box to ensure the win. Secour scored teh 150th international goal of the Nest on his second shot. We believe that TEN will now play the winner of TnUI vs. Europa Brittania. Some are saying this revenge theme works well and hope that it is TnUI that wins so that they can avege the loss they received not 2 days go 1 nil.

Previous game against TnUI and EB:

Vs. EB: No previous games.

Vs. TnUI: 2-0-1 (1-0, 1-0, 0-1)



Coach Adams has received a formal apology from the reporters who mistakenly confused him with Josh Adansabout the vegetable abuse. Regardless, extra security is following the team around due to "unspecified suspicions"






World Cup XVI

Tanah Burung (13) -----------
| Bedistan (2) --
Bedistan (2) ---------------- |
| ------------------------
Vilita (33) ----------------- |
| CH (4) --------
Commerce Heights (4) --------

Iansisle (35) ---------------
| ---------------
Wella (45) ------------------ |
| ------------------------
Rejistania (6) -------------- |
| Rejistania (6)-
Audioslavia (9) -------------


Squornshelous (11) ----------
| TEN (3) -------
The Eagles Nest (3) --------- |
| ------------------------
Total n Utter Insanity (14)-- |
| ---------------
Europa Brittania (7) --------

NEWI Cefn Druids (27) -------
| NEWI (27) -----
Brazillico (8) -------------- |
| ------------------------
Spaam (19)------------------- |
| ---------------
Eauz (1)---------------------

OOC: Actually, they're the Capitalizts now. http://terranordalis.thirdgeek.com/images/smiles/icon_wink.gif

Curses! *wires omg$1238710000000000 to Bedistani FA*

These Ians Officially Best Ever!
Beat Wella 1-0, advance to face host

Behind a Brian Lyon goal and again surprisingly stout defense, the Ians beat Wella to advance further into the World Cup than any other Iansisle side in history. Ianapalis was the scene of much cheering and celebrating as the game, broadcast over IanCorp’s wireless network, became a final score.

“I honestly didn’t think they’d be able to do it!” exclaimed one rabid fan at a Westergate pub. “I mean, these guys are a bunch of no-names compared to the Ians of World Cup XIV, but, hey! We’re moving up!”

Certainly, this victory may do much to increase Iansisle’s international prestige in the world of football. Ever seen as ‘also-rans’ and ‘almost-made-its’ the Ians have now qualified for two of their last three World Cups and each time advanced past the first round.

“That’ll show them!” cried an inebriated Ians fanatic in the streets. “Deride us? We sure - *hic* - we sure showed them what for! How ‘bout them apples, eh?”

Most seemed to think that the Ians’ World Cup bid was doomed after a 0-3 loss to Audioslavia in their first game. But the Ians rebounded back and took victories from Kingsford and Oaker to advance.

“And where’s Audioslavia now?” asked a smug celebrator, “sitting at home, I’d imagine. Serves ‘em right for being a bad-luck charm, if you ask me.”

Even the fact that Iansisle had to face Rejistania next, the team that is both the host and beat the team that beat Iansisle by three points, couldn’t dampen spirits.

“We’ll take all comers,” said Brian Lyon, his face flushed in triumph after being carried off the field a hero. “Right now, our confidence level is through the roof - through the [expletive deleted] roof!”

However, not everyone has faith in the Ians.

“Maybe if these were the World Cup XIV Ians, we might have a chance against the host,” said Christopher Duraman, a writer for the independent Ianapalis Football Weekly. “I mean, any front line with Alexander Truman, Brian Lyon, and Tom Ravenhill is guaranteed to put up a good fight. But who are these current Ians? There’s Lyon, of course, but Ravenhill’s out with a broken leg and Truman’s retired. Two-nill the Orange Blues, you can quote me on that.”

One things for certain: the pundits will be either proven (unfortunately) correct or (hopefully) completely invalidated by the coming game. Be sure to tune in on National Radio, 101.9 FM!

EDIT: (thanks to TEN for the code...and thanks to Eauz for the idea of putting TEN's code in ;))


World Cup XVI

Tanah Burung (13) -----------
| Bedistan (2) --
Bedistan (2) ---------------- |
| ------------------------
Vilita (33) ----------------- |
| CH (4) --------
Commerce Heights (4) --------

Iansisle (35) ---------------
| Iansisle (35) -
Wella (45) ------------------ |
| ------------------------
Rejistania (6) -------------- |
| Rejistania (6)-
Audioslavia (9) -------------


Squornshelous (11) ----------
| TEN (3) -------
The Eagles Nest (3) --------- |
| ------------------------
Total n Utter Insanity (14)-- |
| ---------------
Europa Brittania (7) --------

NEWI Cefn Druids (27) -------
| NEWI (27) -----
Brazillico (8) -------------- |
| ------------------------
Spaam (19)------------------- |
| Eauz(1)--------
Eauz (1)---------------------

Le LIBRE

Rematch of World Cup XIV finishes with same result

As Les Bleus advanced to the round of 16 elimination round, Eauz was matched up against Spaam who they faced during World Cup XIV. In that match, Les Bleus beat Spaam, giving Eauz their first World Cup ever, and start the success of Eauz football. Both sides though were almost completely different from the last time they met.

Rousoi said before the match: “This team beat them before, I’m sure we can do it with a different team as well.” Rousoi lead the team onto the field as he tried to pump his team up about the cup. In this stadium though, fans were boooing the Eauz team mainly because they advanced further in this cup than the home team Rejistania did when the cup was played in Eauz/TEN. Eauz though used this booing as a way to encourage the team to play better. The evil referee from Commerce Heights blew the whistle announcing the start of the match. A few minutes after the whistle, Joseuf pulled something out of his pocket and gave it to the CH referee. No one was sure what it was, but it put a large smile on the CH referee. Moving on in the match, Eauz was in control of the match with a few attacks, which were stopped by the Spaam defence. The ball stayed in the Spaam zone with Eauz putting more pressure on. During the 32nd minute of play Vilix took control of the ball, as it was kicked out of the Spaam zone. Vilix brought it up and passed it to Henrey who was tripped up, without a whistle. Fortunately, Lévier was in good position, tapping it into the net, putting Les Bleus up 1 – 0. Many Rejistanian fans booed and yelled semi-mean slogans at the Eauz team. Asking about why the fans only used semi-mean slogans, they said “Well Eauz is also a socialist country, and socialists in general are friends and care for each other, even if we have our little arguments”. The rest of the 1st half ended in mostly back and forth attacks near the centre of the field.

The second half came and Spaam was on the attack and their star player dooked out a few Eauz defenders. The star was about to take a shot, but was taken out by an Eauz player. It looked as if it was an illegal takeout, but the referee didn’t blow a whistle. Les Bleus were on the counter-attack with the Spaam star left behind in pain. Joseuf and Vilix were up against 1 defender and the keeper. Joseuf passed the ball the Vilix. Joseuf turned on the burners rushing up to the goal, as Vilix passed it back, with a goal for Les Bleus by Joseuf. Les Bleus went up 2 – 0. Fans were left in shock with the miss-call by the referee. Those who saw Joseuf give something to the referee assumed Joseuf bribed the referee. The match finished off with the Spaam team playing in protest. Playing in protest though didn’t help their team, as Eauz finished off the match by the final of 2 – 0.

In the two playoff matches Spaam and Eauz have played, Eauz has taken both of them, with the most important coming during World Cup14. Les Bleus will continue their adventures in Rejistania with the luck that they had last time they were here. The next match for Les Bleus will come against the NEWI Driuds, which Les Bleus have met up against for the 4th time in this cup. The Druids will be coming off of an amazing victory against Les Bleus. Eauz though will be looking to get revenge against the Druids, which could be bitter sweet in their minds. It is unfortunate that these two tough teams have to fight it out at this point in the cup to determine who advances. One would have liked to see them fight it out for a first, second or third place. The match though will probably be the match of the cup, as both teams have proven to be strong during this whole cup.


*Thanks to TEN for the WC table below...


World Cup XVI

Tanah Burung (13) -----------
| Bedistan (2) --
Bedistan (2) ---------------- |
| ------------------------
Vilita (33) ----------------- |
| CH (4) --------
Commerce Heights (4) --------

Iansisle (35) ---------------
| ---------------
Wella (45) ------------------ |
| ------------------------
Rejistania (6) -------------- |
| Rejistania (6)-
Audioslavia (9) -------------


Squornshelous (11) ----------
| TEN (3) -------
The Eagles Nest (3) --------- |
| ------------------------
Total n Utter Insanity (14)-- |
| ---------------
Europa Brittania (7) --------

NEWI Cefn Druids (27) -------
| NEWI (27) -----
Brazillico (8) -------------- |
| ------------------------
Spaam (19)------------------- |
| Eauz(1)--------
Eauz (1)---------------------

Ramblings and Nonsense

The next match up for Les Bleus is against a big rival in NEWI Druids. Having faced each other already 3 times in this cup, it will all come down to who will play their best. The manager of Eauz is expected to have a closed door conversation with his team to get them ready for this match. This match could make or break another strong Eauz team. Rousoi said that he will not let NEWI win by such a large score as the last meeting. For many people in Eauz, this match is seen as the “End of the world” mainly because both teams have played each other so well and have also played extremely well. Many are saying that Eauz and the Druids should make this an annual meeting in a friendly match. As for the match day, it is expected to be apocalyptic weather conditions with major rain, wind, tornados, earthquakes and an old man who has a fetish of taking 2 of every animal into his little boat. Fortunately for everyone, the stadium is a dome, thus the match can continue.

In other news, the WCC is investigating into what Joseuf gave to the CH referee. Joseuf was found for questioning, but oddly enough, the CH referee was nowhere to be found. Joseuf said: “All I gave him was garbage I found on the ground. I don’t want people tripping over stuff on the field”. Slani-Bureaucratic investigation by the WCC will continue to try and find anything, even if it has nothing to do with the incident.

Goal Scorer man

I packed my bags last night, pre-flight
Zero hour six am
And I’m going to be as L33t a player by then
I miss Zuka, I miss my wife
It’s lonely out in Rejistania
In such a timeless World Cup

And I think it’s gonna be a long slani time
Till Eauz win and brings me home again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I’m a Goal Scorer man
Goal Scorer man scoring all the goals alone

Rejistania ain’t the kind of place for Eauz goal scorers
In fact it’s full loud obnoxious fans
And there’s no one there to prevent TIY
And all this craziness I don’t understand
It’s just my job from time to time
A goal scorer man, a goal scorer man

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time...

*Bah… I tried to mess around with the song, but in the end it just sucked and I didn’t have the imagination that I wanted. Oh well… At least I tried to be innovative…

Rejisdamnyersall
'slaves dont Lyku the orange-blues

Two first half goals by Rejistanian superstar Syku Lyku put Rejistania on the famed TTHATBAP2RFL list (Teams That Have an Annoying Tendency to Book Audioslavia a Post-2nd Round Flight Home, they join Lemmitania (WC4) Errinundera (WC7), Kingsford (WC10), Europa Brittania (WC11), Spaam (WC13) and Eauz (WC14) in this rather annoying list) and denied the 'slaves their second ever post-second-round berth.

Lyku scored his first goal on eighteen minutes, latching onto a Hilat throughball to dip a shot over the advancing Jones for one-nil. Prior to that, the sides had started evenly with Jiru denying Laver at one end and Ju scooping his shot over the bar at the other.

From then on, the first half belonged to Rejistania, and it wouldnt be too long before Lyku put the game out of Audioslavia's immediate grasp as he sliced his way through the middle of Romanov and Rep and hit a fierce low shot, beating Jones at his near post.

A mis-timed Xana header and a fluffed strike by Kansu stopped Rejistania from further extending their lead before the interval.

With half-time been and gone, the 'slavian faithful expected a fightback similar to the last-minute one against Kingsford which kept Audioslavia in the world cup four days ago. For periods in the second half it looked like happening, with Laver hitting the post and Bracken seeing his header bounce off Jiru's legs. Then, with twenty minutes left, Laver sent Khully Tanner through on goal with just the keeper to beat. The skillfull 'slavian prodigy nipped past the advancing Jiru, only to be up-ended by a flailing arm. The Audioslavians cried 'foul!' but seeing as this is Rejistanian for 'spatchcock' no-one took much notice, and the 'slaves were denied the penalty.

From there on in the 'slaves couldnt find it in them to threaten, their best oppotunities being an uninspired Croft 30yarder and, in the first minute of injury time, the 'slaves goalkeeper Robert Jones raced up for a corner and managed to fire a header goalwards, only to see Rejis substitute Kadu Hsen turn the ball away on the line.

FINAL SCORE

Audioslavia 0
Rejistania 2 (Lyku 18, 27)

Audioslavia now have to suffer the ignomy of not only having to wait in a dirty airport lounge for three hours, but also of finishing behind Iansisle.... let me repeat that... IANSISLE in the standings. I mean, IANSISLE for fuck sake, next time out we might as well change our names to Slavemond.

Pah! anyways, ive been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

OOC: thanks for RPing the match first, AS. It happens to me so seldom that I was really pleased to see it ;) Small correction: My goalie is Ninu Juru not Jiru and Syku Lyku isn't the SyLy from WC9-WC12, he is SyMji

(in the RejisCAST building on the morning before the match)
Sirake Tekim: No way, I think I quit this job!

Elin Ri: Hey...

ST: It is because of the match reports, why do we have to do it live?

ER: To attract listeners...

ST: I am fed mup with all of this, I am fed up with computers as slow as hell and from the last century, I am fed up with messed up english of the techs, I am fed up with overtime and really bad payment. I quit!

ER: See it as a challenge... and about bad payment... you can do it the rejistanian way...

ST: Su?

ER: ask for a wage rise.

ST: You know the evil boss, he'd rather commit suicide than rise wages.

ER: well, ask him for a wage rise, and when he declines and you leave, leave a little note on his desk...

ST: a note?

ER: yeah, with the text: "Should I inform the inland revenue or the police?" on it.

ST: Oh... sounds... good...!

(later at the evil boss's office)
TEB: You have 2 minutes to tell me what you want. (yes, he didn't greet Sirake)

ST: You know the inflation did dis-valiue the lil'kansu... I would ask you for a 3% wage rise as to compensate the risen prices...

TEB: Are you kidding?

ST: No.

TEB: I tell you something, RejisCAST is in financial difficulties, we cant' AFFORD anything, be it new equipment or higher wages. We are nearly insolvent, we are indebted.

ST: You bought a new Merkedes-car two weeks ago...

TEB: OUT!!! NO DISCUSSION ANYMORE! BE GLAD THAT I DON'T FIRE YOU... now.

(Sirake Tekim leaves in a hurry and even forgets to leave the note)

ST: Sanja'slani! mer'sanja'mer'slani! (Life sucks! This bloody life f*cking sucks!)

(suddently he has an idea... he gets to the next phone booth and dials a toll-free number)

Asene Hekusu Lerixa (Organisation related to corporate crime): Hejida, here AHL.

ST: I wish to remain anonymous... I wish to report that I suspect my boss to steal from the firm I work at.

AHL: To steal?

ST: Well, to use money from the firm for private... well, goods.. and I am not thinking in small scale...

AHL: Do you have a proof?

ST: I suspect him to do so. He always tells us how bad RejisCAST is doing but his standard of life isn't just high-ish. He just bought a new luxury car and, well, he tells me how bad RejisCAST is doing.

AHL: You are referring to RejisCAST?

ST: I am...

AHL: ok. thanks for your information. I have the name and address of that comapny in my files, we heard much of them already. Va'il Veka!

ST: Va'il veka alna!

(Sirake puts down the phone.)

(Later on the same day)

ST: Hejida listeners, I am Sirake Tekim and you are listening to Radio RejisCAST, before you change frequencies now: we are broadcasting live from the cup and that means: live from Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati. For us in the dangerous outskirts is Elin Ri. Hejida Elin!

ER: Hejida Sirake!

ST: Looks like a replay of the final of world Cup 12, doesn't it?

ER: It does indeed, but w must not have false hopes for the score due to this.

(suddently a voice is heard, it comes from outside of the building, but police with megaphones can be loud...)

Police: Workers of RejisCAST, stop doing what you are currently doing since we're going to disconnect this house from electricity. Leave the building, any attempts to destroy evidence will be prosecuted!

ST: That means me too, well 'No Si Today' (Si is a nickname of Sirake). Hopefully, I'll be back soon.

ER murmurs: This <censored for decency> really called the AHL....

Turnia City Tribune

Associated Press
Max Riodondo

**Editor's Note-- We apologize to all of our Tribune readers. Due to an unfortunate computer error, we were unable to go to press over the past 5 days. All subscribers will be fully refunded.**

World Cup XVI Final Report

Hello faithful readers, it is good to be back. However, it is also a solemn moment as I bring you my final report for this World Cup. After opening with a loss to the #2 ranked team in the world, Bedistan, the Dragons finished up with two draws: 2-2 versus a very tough Gesamtkuntswerk team and 0-0 versus a very talented and classy Vilita team, for a final record of 0-2-1 and 2 points. Not quite enough to advance, but a worthy showing nonetheless.

I know, usually the ole Rio'ster is more upbeat, but fear not, the doctor has told me the red pill will make it all go away. But before I go that route, this team and all of us have nothing to hang our head's about. The Dragons may not be the most talented team, but one cannot teach HEART. One cannot teach COURAGE. And one cannot teach HONOR. Turnia, be proud, your national team showed all those things and more. They held tough and battled till the end.

Before signing off, myself and all of Turnia would like to congratulate the advancing teams and thank all the others for great matches. Good luck to you all.

Now, I am fairly sure the doctor said I was suppose to take the red pill. Or was it the blue pill? Awwww, shucks I forgot!

I am Riodondo and you're not......

AP

Syku Lyku isn't the SyLy from WC9-WC12, he is SyMji

so Syku Lyku isnt SyLy, he is SyMji... but i never called him either SyLy OR SyMji.... *confused*

well, AS, you said superstar Syku Lyku... SyLy surely was, SyMji was a substitute for most of his carrier in the national team.

Strike Birds Easily Into Semifinals

TEN defeats Europa Brittania 3-1 in Quarters

Siggy Secour continues the onslaught from the Round of 16 with two more goals and a third goal by Horace gave the Nest a 3-1 win over Europa Brittania. All three goals were in the second half to overcome a 1-0 deficit at halftime. Secour after the game was heard to almost demand that Eauz would win their game so that the Nest can finally get that first win against the number one team in the world.

Well, he got his wish as Eauz was able to put away NEWI Cefn Druids. The Nest has played Eauz twice before, once in the quarters, and last cup's 3rd place game. Both have been losses for the Nest, and already Coach Adams is talking on the revenge trail that worked so well against Squornshelous. "Eauz is a great team, but we need to beat them once. It's got to happen one of these days."

*Article pressed for time and due to a paper shortage and the large bracket below, this article is cut short.*



World Cup XVI

Tanah Burung (13) -----------
| Bedistan (2) --
Bedistan (2) ---------------- |
| Bedistan (2) ----------
Vilita (33) ----------------- |
| CH (4) --------
Commerce Heights (4) --------

Iansisle (35) ---------------
| Iansisle (35) -
Wella (45) ------------------ |
| Rejistania (6) --------
Rejistania (6) -------------- |
| Rejistania (6)-
Audioslavia (9) -------------


Squornshelous (11) ----------
| TEN (3) -------
The Eagles Nest (3) --------- |
| The Eagles Nest (3) --
Total n Utter Insanity (14)-- |
| EB (7) ---------
Europa Brittania (7) --------

NEWI Cefn Druids (27) -------
| NEWI (27) -----
Brazillico (8) -------------- |
| Eauz (1)--------------
Spaam (19)------------------- |
| Eauz(1)--------
Eauz (1)---------------------

Le LIBRE

There is Life after the End of the World

Even with the weather predicted to be apocalyptic, Les Bleus still played their match against World Cup 16 Rivals NEWI Druids. As the crazed old man sailed by in his fetish boat, the referee blew the whistle indicating Eauz would automatically lose according to Rejistanian officials. The Eauz team was furious and said we MUST play, no giving a win away just because. Thus, the match went on, even though there was protest from Rejistanian officials. The match got started as fans from both teams were screaming at the top of their lungs. The first 20 minutes was mostly a back and forth match with very few real attacks and chances. Rousoi wasn’t tested too much, as he found the time to take an advertisement for a beverage called “Orange Juche” during the match. The First half ended on a high note for Les Bleus as Lévier kicked a corner, which was deflected into the net during the 40th minute of play. Quickly after another goal was scored as Joseuf kicked a long ball which sailed into the top left corner of the net, just passing the keepers hand. The first half ended in a 2 – 0 lead for Les Bleus. This was the revenge Les Bleus were looking for as many of the team mates were celebrating a bit early. Rousoi brought out the Champaign and sprayed it over himself and his team mates. As they left for the locker room, a Druid fan threw an egg at Rousoi. The fan yelled at Rousoi saying, the match is only half over you idiot! Rousoi could care less and walked into the locker room.

The second half got started with a semi-drunk Rousoi still playing net. He had brought a bottle of Champaign with him. Les Bleus were still in control of the match as they turned on the pressure against the Druids. Unfortunatly, 5 minutes of attacks resulted in nothing. The Druid keeper quickly kicked the ball out of his zone and into the Eauz zone. With Rousoi semi-drunk, the ball bounced and rolled towards the net as he jumped and fell on the ground. The ball rolled into the net giving the Druids their first goal of the match, getting them back into the match during the 66th minute of play. The coach realized it was not a good idea to leave Rousoi in net, and thus replaced him with his back up keeper. With the Druids back in the match, Les Bleus had to take the match a bit more serious, with substitutions of more sober players into the match. As some of these drunk players exited the field, Druid fans threw things at them, calling them a disgrace to NationStates football. Fortunately the coaches changed came at the right time as Les Bleus held off the late attacks of the Druids giving Les Bleus a 2 – 1 victory and a spot in the semi-finals.

The coach was pleased that his team won, but displeased with their behaviour. He said “We could have lost the whole match and got sent home earlier than we were hoping.” I can’t let some of these jokers play in the next match. This is ridiculous, I don’t care if it will hinder our chances of winning” With that call, some players like Rousoi will not play in the semi-final match.

The next match will come against The Eagles Nest, who lost to Les Bleus in the 3rd/4th place match during World Cup XV. The Nest will be looking for revenge as they have yet to beat Eauz. With changes in the Eauz roster, it is quite possible they will get the revenge they have been seeking. Eauz though is still a strong team and knows how to defend against teams in search of revenge. Look for a well played match from both sides, as both sides are hungry to make it to the final match. Though history is on the side of Eauz as the last time they played in Rejistania, Eauz won the cup. That was also the last time Eauz played in the final, as during world cup 14 & 15 they played in the 3rd/4th place match.

Le LIBRE

WCC rules on Hooligans

Although Eauz advanced to the semi-finals, they will be without a few of their key players due to their antics. Today, the WCC ruled that 4 Eauz players who acted like fools will be suspended from playing the rest of the World Cup as well will be fined 40,000 eu’s each. The four players of the Eauz team are Rousoi, Vilix, Samuel and Francois.

The Eauz coach already put sanctions on these players, but they weren’t as bad as the WCC’s ruling. This means Eauz will have a bit of a hole in their team, as they are down a star keeper as well as a forward and a few members of that iron curtain defence. The Four players though did speak to the press and apologized for their actions. The coach also said: “Well, all of Eauz is embarrassed over their actions. What can we say? I can’t make up excuses for what happened. These players are just new to our team, and got a little too hyped over everything. These players have never played in anything so important, and the atmosphere got to them. I myself apologize for everything which occurred.” Most of the participating countries along with host country Rejistania are accepting of the ruling, but a few critics think the WCC was just making up more jokes as they usually do. An official from Commerce Heights said: “The WCC iZ a joke; no one knowZ how to rule properly. If the WCC was legitimate, they would have ruled a ban on these playerZ from ever playing in an international event. They alZo Zh00d have fined MORE money on those damn Commies!” The CH official got heated and had to be calmed down.

Eauz’s reputation has been tarnished and will have to play well and hope they can continue the match without any more idiotic problems. The new looking team will have to be ready to play a hungry Eagles Nest who are united and ready for revenge. Once again, Eauz is sorry for the actions of its team during the Druid/Eauz match.

The Eagles Nest 3 Europa Brittania 1

WORLD CUP XVI- QUARTER FINAL

Europa Brittania V The Eagles Nest.


Former two-time world champions Europa Brittania fell three goals to the one against the formidable Eagles Nest in the final four of the the sixteenth World Cup. Despite rumours of strife and outright arguments amongst the EB camp, enough composure remained for a credible, if stagnant display from the once perennial superpowers. Eb fielded a vastly changed line up to the starting eleven that had reached the finals four years ago.

----------------Giverren------------------


--Wyvern---O'Hanrahan--Zlitchrix---Stacey--


--------Huntly----Kiwitz----Ferras---------


---------Lionel--Lester--Lomardi-----------





E.B. Were a restless side, having been occupying a media spotlight for several weeks after rumours of internal wrangling and political trafficking became known through an mystery informant. Indeed several players had voiced their displeasure at "outside forces" interfering with the team and ruining what spirit remained in the dressing room following several high profile bust ups.

No such relief was granted on the field. E.B. Were quickly down a goal through slack defending on the part of Zlitchrix. He failed to step out with the rest of the back four, playing the Eagles Nest Forward onside, and making a mockery of a supposed well-practiced Offside rule. Giverren managed to get a touch to the ball, but couldn't stop it finding its way into the net, and heads went down quickly.

TEN made it two shortly before the break. A beautiful, sweeping ball to the left hand wing found Wyvern turned inside out, before a snug jog down the goal-line produced a driven cross that was turned into the net by O'Hanrahan himself, for his second O.G. in World Cup compeition. What could very well be his final World Cup appearance was compounded when he tweaked a knee ligament at the interval, and couldn't make the restart. William Hexis replaced him.

Starved of service, all three forwards soon found themselves camped in their own half in an effort to actually get the ball. Alistair Hughes later remarked he had never seen a supposed team of world-class internationals lose their shape as quickly as his charges did. Unfortunately for Europa Brittania they met with no success, and TEN added a third. A brilliant cross forced Giverren to hesitate, in the end failing to come for a cross that at best was hardly his concern. Zlitchrix was out-foxed in the resulting defensive header, and TEN made three without reply.

Gareth Higgins replaced Lionel with ten minutes remaining. It was this youngster that took the the solitary Brittanian reply. A hopeful punt up the park by Wyvern found Kiwitz who slotted a cute through ball that looked suspiciously offside, Higgins played on, and the flag remained down. He cooly slotted away, to muted cheers by the despairing Brittanian travelling support.

The players remained on the pitch for several minutes afterwards. Many of the eldest taking the time to fully applaude their fans, and congratulate their opposition players. Most knew full well it would be the last time they would wear the Tangerine of Brittania. And for some, though their international careers continued, it might be some time before the World Cup would see them at this stage again.

FINAL SCORE

Europa Brittania 1 The Eagles Nest 3



[OOC: I've already mentioned it in IRC, but I'd like to take this oppertunity to mention it here. EB will be ducking out after the seventeenth World Cup. My free time has been drastically curtailed, and I hardly have the energies to write lately, let alone keep up with the frantic pace of the World Cup. It isn't really fair that I hang around without giving it my best. Certain individuals have also made their opinions clear on how they feel, and for the most part, I agree with them.

So, its been lurvely, and a hoot since way, way, way, way back in World Cup I. One final bite at the cherry, and I'll step aside.


World.

EB.

[/ooc]

Clock Strikes Midnight
Cinderella story over; but did the Ians leave a glass slipper?

KAMARI KALI, Rejistinia -- Not even all the bad analogies in the world could save the Ians from their fate. They were quite simply overmatched and outplayed by a vastly better side.

The Orange Blues scored early and often, jumping out to a 0-2 lead by the halfway mark despite a conservative Ians defense. A spirited offensive in the second half, led by Brian “the Rhymin’” Lyon, resulted in one of Iansisle’s only three shots - and the only one in put on target - being brilliantly saved by the Orange Blue keeper (the other two bounced of the left and right post, respectively). Rejistinia took advantage of the offensive to launch a counter strike, running their lead to three.

And there it ended. The Ians could not even muster a decent strike in the closing minutes, and the game ended to the delight of the home crowd in KaMaRi kali.

One thing the Ians did take away from the disaster, strangely enough, was a fresh jolt of confidence.

“Yeah, I know we didn’t play all that well this time,” said Head Coach John Copplestone in a rare post-game interview, “but we certainly but up a valiant effort. The best part is that the core of our team will be returning for the next World Cup, and there’s a lot of up-and-coming youngsters on the Shield right now. In WCXVII, I hope we can reap what we’ve here sown.”

Sirake Tekim: Hejida, this is Radio RejisCAST, the one and only english speaking radio station in Rejistania. You are listening to "Live from the cup", the world cup special of "live from the league". For us SLS R to report about the quarterfinal against Iansisle is again Elin Ri. Hejida Elin!

Elin Ri: Hejida Sirake!

ST: Now Elin, tell me what the situation in Riandu is like!

ER: Peaceful chaos! SLS R is sold out completely, but despite the fact that this match is a quarterfinal, no violence occured untill now between the fans of the Iansisle and the Orange-Blues. Especially the Iansisle fans are in a very good mood, no one expected them to go this far.

ST: They surely profited from the underarchieving Progressans in group stage.

ER: They surely did, but despite that did they play an excellent qualification and an excellent world cup.

ST: right, they did.

ER: By the way, will we be able to continue this broadcast or will RejisCAST be insolvent before half-time?

ST: Are you too making jokes about the status of RejisCAST? I can tell you what is going on: Hedo Nisit, also known as The Evil Boss was arrested by the police, but before he realized that his deds were about to be discovered so he made some financial transfers of RejisCAST money to some strange accounts in Compound Interest. It pretty much impossible to get the money from there. Since it was immedietly re-transferred and Compound Interest banks won't tell where the money is now.

ER: So the rumours are true?

ST: They slani ARE. We aren't on the brink of insolvency, we nearly ARE insolvent.

ER: So will we we be able to continue this broadcast or will RejisCAST be insolvent before half-time?

ST: We ARE insolvent already, no way to deny it. Xenex Mesit is searching for a white knight.

ER: What?

ST: He is trying to find a company willing to buy RejisCAST, only way to save us...

ER: Oh dear...

ST: Well, let's make a good impression on whoever will be the next one to employ us. Tell me about the match.

ER: err, right... <he curses in a not forum appropriate manner> I cannot load this han-hi-len-ly roster!! Which <censored for decency> did <censored> disconnect me? For <BLEEP>'s sake!

ST: That sounds like 'No teams today'.

ER: It slani does, believe me, I don't have a connection to this sonofabitch of a server! This <oh my god, this becomes an afternoon talkshow> cut my internet connection. <Minute-long bleep> the <bleep again>!!!

ST: watch it!

ER: Sorry, I am just really annoyed.

ST: Still no reason to start becoming a slani'he!

ER: Sorry, the whole situation... <pauses> Anyways: it's time for the anthems!

(The anthem of Iansisle and the anthem of Rejistania are played without interruptions, even the one certain passage is not bleeped out anymore. The listeners heard worse things before even though they were censored in this transcript)

ER: The match is starting ... now, Iansisle won the toss of the coin...

(5th minute)

ER: It seems the Orange-Blues decided to play a System Hangila. While Iansisle plays a rather defensive System Imdila. By the way, what is the nationality of Iansisle in english?

ST: You didn't prepare for the match?

ER: I did, but I prepared mainly the technology, not myself.

ST: Why?

ER: Because there was an awful lot to do!

ST: That is no reason.

ER: Tell me the nationality so I can continue with the match report!

ST: (with low voice) I don't know

ER: Great...

(16th minute)
ER: SyMji outsmarts the Iansish defenderr, is in good position, shoots, the ball is kept by the Ians goals, no it bounces back, SyMji again and... XXXXXXKKKKKKKKOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAA! Rejistania is leading 1:0!

(28th minute)
ER: Taht is the 5th corner for the Orange-Blues in this match, pretty much of the action is taking place in the half of Iansisle. It is an uncommon sight to see the Orange-blues attack that fiercely. Ita Syku shoots, Nxeni Venu is there and an Iansish defender, Nxeni... XXXXXXKKKKKKKKKKKKOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAA! We are leading 2:0 now! 2:0 in the 28th minute!

ST: We are an english radio station!

ER: Sorry, I can't remember that when the Orange-Blues are taking the lead - or extending it!

ST: Well, I wanted to remind you.

ER: you're the right person for that!

ST: What do you mean by that?

ER: I have heard the broadcasts you were moderating... I still remember that you kept on shouting in Rejistanian for minutes when the Orange-Blues scored.

ST: No need to mention that on the radio!

ER: Why not?

ST: Because we'll soon need a new job and it would be embarassing for me if my new employer is listening to this broadcast.

ER: well, right.

(half time)
ER: That was the first half and I can say: Great game! The Orange-Blues really outplayed the Ians. Iansisle needs a miracle to win that game... and they need a really good one!

ST: They surely do. Iansisle is not that experienced on international level.

ER: More than The Eagles Nest when they qualified first. And experience is not always needed. Think of Eauz: Won the first cup they qualified for.

ST: Right.

(50th minute)
ER: The Ians started a bit better into this second half. They are apparently trying to equalise at all costs, even risking the 3:0. Benny Lyon, err Brian Lyon, o the weaker left side, wins the duel against Lulu'he, against Xana'he... oooof, Juru'he could parry the ball, throws it to Dini Y.... quick passes between Dini Y and Xenra Ji,.... they are starting a counter-attack,.... now a pass from Dini Y to Sime Hilat,... they are already deep in the Iansile half... quick pass to SyMji.... THAT IS THE THREE - NIL! GGGGGGGOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!!!!

(90+2nd minute)
ER: The Orange-Blues merely Karela-ed in this part of the game, they did not want to risk an Iansisle goal only to 'jisu Iansisle even higher. Iansisle had not that many chances, but the Ians fought like lions... I guess that is the reason why they came that far... they don't give up even when trailing 3-0. That is the final whistle, SEE YOU IN THE SEMIFINAL!!!!!!

*snip hilariousness*

((heh, that was much better than my 'slap something together in the five minutes I have before class' report. ;) I'm still chuckling.

Oh, yeah, and sorry about the rosterlessness. I'll post one for the next WC, but it mainly springs from my laziness. The nationality of Iansisle, too, is 'Iansislean,' though 'Iansislian' is an acceptable alternative spelling and 'Iansisler' is sometimes used. 'Shieldian' is also pretty common, though one has to be careful: all Shieldians are Iansisleans, but not all Iansisleans are Shieldians.

Good luck to all in the next round, and I'll see y'all in WCXVII!))

The Bedistan Sports Digest - Special Edition!

It's Decided
Bedistan IS the best footballing nation in Terranordalis

MATIX KALI, Rejistania -- Matix Veran Stadium was packed to overflowing yesterday for the grudge match of a lifetime -- Bedistan v Commerce Heights, neighboring nations both ranked in the top five in the world that had been dying to get at each other's throat for decades. A friendly match a decade and a half ago between the two proved inconclusive (a 0:0 draw), but someone had to win this time.

Benjamin Xi became a national hero in the 11th minute of the match when he blasted a goal past the apparently nameless CH goalkeeper (to them, names aren't important, just money), becoming the first Bedistani to do so ever. The Capitalizts (formerly known as the Bulldogs) put up quite a fight for a while, until a defender took Xi down on the edge of the box in the 24th, granting a penalty to the Lions. Fellow starting striker Jackson Reinhardt took the kick, which was right on target for 2:0. CH started to slack off a bit here, and the score remained 2:0 at halftime. Manager Brandon Barton made a pair of substitutions at halftime, including taking off the tiring Xi, who seemed to have suffered a very minor injury in the first half. His substitute, Sven Cardinal, proved that he could play with the big boys as well when he drove the final nail into the Capitalizts' coffin with a 15-yard shot twenty minutes into the half for 3:0. With such a lead, the Lions backed off and tried to rest up for the semifinal match against hosts Rejistania, meaning the rest of the second half was relatively boring. The defense held its ground, though, and to this day Bedistan remains unscored upon by Commerce Heights.

Final score:
Bedistan 3 (Xi 11, Reinhardt pen 24, Cardinal 66)
Commerce Heights 0

The semifinal match will certainly be a tough one, as it is against #6 Rejistania on the Orange-Blues' turf at Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati (otherwise knows as 'SLS R') in KaMaRi kali.

“Orange Juche”

(giggles and falls off chair. Tres drole, mon ami!)

Tanah Burung Technological Advance Sets Up 3-0 Quarterfinal Elimination
MATIX KALI, REJISTANIA - The defending champion Commerce Heights Capitalizts became the former champions as the Bedistan Lions, equipped with the latest in communizt technology, pounded three goals past Sterling to end the nation's quest to become the second nation ever to successfully defend a World Cup title. The controversial device, known as a 'dollar-eater', runs on pure communism (which was apparently available to the Lions, despite progress in recent tax cuts) and has an effect similar to the Spaaming machines that plagued World Cup 12, causing the Bulldogs to give up two goals as they tripped over pages of the United Spaam Sports Weekly. Instead of USSW pages, the dollar-eaters caused Eauzian propaganda leaflets to fall from helicopters, which caused the leaflets to blow around on the field and obstruct play. A special headset attached to the dollar-eater allowed Bedistani players to see through the leaflets, giving them opportunities to score while the defenders were temporarily blinded. The win for the Lions will allow them to face Rejistania in the semifinal (at Sen-la-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium in KaMaRi kali, tickets already sold out), and The Eagles Nest or Eauz in the final or third-place playoff. After the shocking defeat, various government agencies have tried their best to respond. The Commerce Heights Department of Defense (not to be confused with the Ministry of Defense and N00kz) has offered to refrain from obliterating Tanah Burung in exchange for a sample of the dollar-eater technology. CEO Peter Thornton has announced that he will attend the World Cup awards ceremony, hoping to see Terranordalis win two consecutive Cups. The Commerce Heights Footballing Federation has assembled a plan for a small tournament in The International City between Commerce Heights, Bedistan, Tingitana, and HypercapitaliZm. The Ministry of Defense and N00kz, of course, has already turned Tanah Burung and Bedistan into glowing holes (or so it says).
Final Score - Quarterfinal:
Commerce Heights 0
Bedistan 3 (Xi 11, Reinhardt pen 24, Cardinal 66)

(giggles and falls off chair. Tres drole, mon ami!)


I'm glad someone found that funny. Maybe others don't know about it or just didn't read it.

Bedistan Lions manager Brandon Barton is talking to his team just before the semifinal match against Rejistania is to start. A nearby clock reads 10:32 PM, though we don't know if it's set correctly or not.

Barton: All right, team. This is a very important match. We and the Orange-Blues are pretty much equal, but they'll be playing on their own turf, so they'll have an advantage there. Your job is to nullify that advantage and do whatever you have to do to win this match.

Jackson Reinhardt, striker/captain: You think we can do it, man? This isn't ASSKICKEN we're talking about here.

Barton: You can do it. Bedistan's tied Rejistania before multiple times. We can go further, we can win this time.

Dave al-Armani, right side defender: Yeah, but we've never beaten a host nation, ever.

Barton: You can change that. And remember what you've got to play for. If you can win this match, you'll be giving our country a chance to finally win the World Cup. And if you can win the World Cup, you'll pretty much be national heroes for the rest of your lives.

Benjamin Xi, striker: Yeah, we can do it. Let's get out there and do it, guys!

All: YEAH!

The players take off for the pitch.

Barton: Gosh, I hope that did the trick...

Mike Davidson, coach: It ain't gonna be easy. But I know they'll work their asses off. All we can do now is wait.

A whistle blows, and the match begins.

*the press conference for the Nest is oddly quiet, as Coach Adams comes in.*

I am going to read a statement, and then I have to leave early as I need to get my team reorganized and focused for our 3rd place game.

While we are disappointed in various aspects of this game, our goalkeeping, our defense, and well, our offense, we would like to call upon the international referee foundation to sincerely investigate the "referee" who called our team offsides 18 times. While I do agree that some of the calls were valid, there was at least 2 early runs that even on the video replay that I saw at halftime where it was clearly onsides by a good 4 feet. I do not know his name, but I could have sworn that he somehow vanished at the end of the game. We have to prepare for our 3rd place game, where if we win would be our best finish ever. While we would have liked to play for the cup, we have our honor and our fans to play for tomorrow. No questions today, but i should be able to talk to you tomorrow.


Referee Found Bound and Gagged in Closet

Wierdness abound in the semifinal game between Eauz and The Eagle's Nest as once again The Nest was unable to beat their co host of World Cup 15, this time not even able to score a goal. However, the game has been under scrutiny after a referee from Vilita was found bound and gagged and was obvously not the linesman who called many blatantly wrong offsides calls against the Strike Birds. Who or why this unknown 'official' did this is unknown, but it is known that at least 2 clean chances for the Birds was cut short by the blatant whistles.

"All I know is that I was getting ready, and I had stayed behind a minute to get my flags, and the next thing I know, there's a cloth on my face, and then I am in a closet with no way to get out," siad the bound referee Signor Selora. An investigation is underway. Suspicions about the mixup with the vegetable abuse have caused the Nest games to have more security, and it is unsure if this incident was connected to that or not.

The Nest will now play Rejistania for 3rd place. If they can win it will be their best show ever. Thier only game against Rejistania was a loss in the .....World Cup XIV debacle where the Nest failed to make it out of group play after going into play with the best qualifying record.

The clock relentlessly ticks on at Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium. Eighty-eight minutes, twenty-nine seconds. Beneath both the names "Rejistania" and "Bedistan", we see the number zero. Central midfielder Nick Yu wipes the sweat off his forehead. It's a hot summer day on the Rejistanian island, and a World Cup semifinal match against the #6-in-the-world host nation can take a lot out of a player.

Eighty-nine minutes. Yu looks over at the fourth official, who signals three minutes of stoppage time. If something doesn't happen quick, they'll have to keep playing for another half hour, and most of the Lions players aren't sure that they can take it that much longer.

Suddenly, a whistle. Dave al-Armani is down. Apparently he is totally exhausted. And no wonder, since he's also playing for Acosta Browns in the Melmond Club Eliminational Invitational in between World Cup matches. This does give the players a short break as the physios come out to attend to him, but it's still bad news, because he'll probably have to leave the pitch and Bedistan has already used all three of its substitutions. Yep, they're carrying him off, and the Lions have to play a man down. That can't be good...ninety-one minutes.

Play restarts. Carl Chang with the ball. Yu turns around toward Chang, and the defender makes the pass upfield. With just over two minutes to go, the Lions have to do anything they can to win this match before they have to go into extra time.

"It's now or never..."

Yu aims toward the goal from nearly thirty yards out. There are three Rejistanian defenders almost in the direct path of the ball, but Yu doesn't care. He takes the shot, and it has just enough lift to go over the head of the one defender who could've gotten it. Ninu Juru notices the ball heading toward the goal, of course. But he misjudges its speed, thinking it's heading for the net faster than it actually is. Juru'he becomes airborne trying to deflect the ball from the net, but it's still several yards off when he falls to the ground. As it descends toward the goal, the ball passes straight over Juru'he's collapsed body and into the net.

The noise is overwhelming. Tens of thousands of Bedistani supporters in the stands are screaming their lungs out, as are several billion watching the match on TV or on the jumbotron in the stadium of their choice back in Terranordalis. Ninety-two minutes, twenty-five seconds. All they have to do is hold off the Orange-Blues for one play, and they will have their second chance at the World Cup. Exke Hail takes the ball at midfield and, knowing the Orange-Blues have just seconds to equalize, immediately passes upfield to SyMji. But Chang is there, and he manages to steal the ball away to secure the win. The final whistle blows, and Yu is enclosed in a great mass of blue and silver as his ten teammates mob him. After thirty-two years, the Bedistan Lions would have their second chance at the World Cup.

---------

Final score:
Bedistan 1 (Yu 90)
Rejistania 0

Final:
Bedistan v Eauz

Le LIBRE

Referee Scandal over shadows Eauz victory

The second time in the last two world cups, Eauz and The Eagles Nest met up to renew their rivalry. The last two times these teams met, Eauz took both of them, which created a bit of hatred, especially as Eauz beat them 2 – 1 in the 3rd/4th position match during WCXV. TEN fans and players were expecting a victory especially with the fact that Eauz was a new team. This match though was filled with controversy and rumours, which just spread the rivalry and hatred of both sides.

Les Bleus started off the match on an early attack which surprised The Nest a bit with only 2 defenders back. Joseuf brought the ball up and passed it to Alia a replacement forward for some of the suspended players. Alia though was brought down by a strong attack, but Eauz picked back up the ball. A hard kick was taken being stopped by the Eagle keeper, but he was unable to hold onto the ball as Henrey scissor kicked the ball into the net during the 13th minute of play. Eauz was once again ahead of TEN. TEN though did not sit back and let Eauz walk over them. TEN attacked a few times just after the Eauz goal. The referee due to being off side though stopped the first major attack. TEN had a good chance of scoring from this. Quickly after this, the referee finally did not stop another attack from TEN. A long hard shot was taken, which looked as if it would go into the net, but was blocked by a diving Eauz keeper. The ball went out for a corner, which was taken going wide of the goal. Eauz regained control and got in offensive positioning. The ball was brought up the field being passed around. Donavel a mid-fielder got on a break, going up the line, kicking the ball to the centre of the field, where Joseuf was. Joseuf kicked the ball past the Eagle keeper during the 42nd minute of play giving Les Bleus a 2 – 0 lead. The first half ended at this score with The Eagles Nest frustrated with the calls of the referee in the first half. Many times, their attacks were called off side, which left them scratching their heads. Fortunately, even though Les Bleus were on top, their players acted very conservatively and did not celebrate too much for goals.

The second half did not see much change in the way the referees did their match. More offside calls were called against the Eagles, which totalled in the end at 13. The Eagle team contested the calls, as well played under protest. These frustrations and calls brought about a better chance for Les Bleus to become victorious throughout the match. The final blow to the Eagle team came during a late 86th minute attack by Les Bleus with a kick which hit the right side post going past the Eagle keeper, but bouncing into the net, giving Les Bleus a 3 – 0 lead. Les Bleus would not look back as they finished by that score of 3 – 0. As the match ended many rumours and suspicion against The Eagles Nest with the suspected kidnapping of one of the referees. Nothing else though has come from this problem, but it is being suspected from an interview with the kidnapped referee that it was because of the offside calls against TEN during the whole match. More information if expected to be reported from The Eagles Nest.

The victory puts Les Bleus into the final where they will face off against the Lions of Bedistan. Looking back in history, Les Bleus have only played the Lions once as Les Bleus won 3 – 0 routing. Les Bleus finally made it back to the final, something they did not expect with such a young inexperienced team. Though, one should not take the Lions lightly as they beat Rejistania the host team, during a loud excited Rejistanian crowd by a score of 1 – 0.

"Nil ja mje rejistaniha'han!" When the reporter on TV-R shouted that into the microphone, the country fell into depression. There were some good chances for the Orange-Blues, especially in the first alf, but they had bad luck, bad kansu, lacked the blessing of Taderekansa, had less luck then the average Abysmali - and that all at the same time. SyMji missed the goal only by few in the 12th minute, and that chance in the 24th minute... among Rejistanians it is clear that it was not offside. But referees make misdecisions, or situations can not be decided in a way to leave not the shadow of a doubt and that is a part of life. In Eauz, people say "C'est la vie." (and sometimes add "et c'est merde!" when they think no one is listening) and here on the Island, "sanja'slani!", but of course that doesn't change a thing. What happened did happen and there is no way to change it.

The mood among the population improved when TV-R suddently showed clips of previous matches: SyLy scoring against Keyshona in the first ever match of the Orange-Blues in World Cup 9, Xese's late goal against Spaam in the vinali tikira of the first Cup of Harmony, Syku Hexen parrying a shot in the Iansisle match in the Supercup, one of the many goals against Coackbill Street in the same tournament, Koleni'he outsmarting a Giant Zucchini defender. Then a huge group of people is shown, we check again, some faces are still known (isn't that person on the left, excatly he, isn't that SyLy?), while we have no idea who others are. Then they speak all at once: "We are all former players of the national team - and we want to wish our successors all the best for the Vinali Tikira! Jisu'il Jet'ta!" (roughly "Never get trashed" in english, which replaced the "Sono simu" meaning "lose with pride" before cruical matches). Idine Sala, the TV R moderator, said that he preferred to show the other clip, where the "tikira" was lacking. Then he switched to analyst Ji Lyku. Analysing is called anal-ysing, because most of it is crap, but the few times it is not, are convincing enough people to believe in it. "I think Eauz will surely have an advantage for the vinali. I would consider them the better team, they have more spirit than Bedistan, or maybe only easier opponents. But I guess the vinali tikira is interesting for even more of our listeners and I can only predict one thing for the match against the Eagles Nest: Things will become close, really close. Especially since this match is no home match for the Rejistanian Orange-Blues: They will not play in the Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium like they always do in the qualifications and did for most world cup matches in World cup 13 and 16. They will play in the Hetlasane Hetkali Stadium in Hetkali. that is still on home soil, but well, it is not SLS R. some facts about the ranking after this world cup: Rejistania cannot end up below 3rd position, Les Bleus (ouch, that name was messed up by Ji Lyku) cannot end up below 3rd, our opponent The Eagles Nest however can not end up above 3rd place in the KPB ranks and Bedistan can land on any position within the top 4, no matter how the respective matches are going to end."

Hey, we are at least 3rd? w00t, let's have another joint and enjoy life!

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Just a Dream
World Cup out of reach for twelfth consecutive time

KAMARI KALI, Rejistania -- Again.

Again we qualified to participate in the World Cup, doing so for the eleventh time in twelve attempts.

Again we made it through the group stage and into the knockout rounds, doing so for the seventh time.

Again we were one of the final four, getting to that exalted semifinal position, doing so for the fifth time.

Again we came to the big dance, with that rare opportunity to win the most prestigious championship in the world of sport with one last performance, doing so for the second time.

Again we left Rejistania without the World Cup, suffering a hard 1-0 loss to Les Bleus d'Eauz.

Again we say we will rebuild, that we will at last be unsurmountable in World Cup XVII, that we will win the World Cup then.

Again we go on dreaming, knowing full well that it will never happen.

Again we dream.

Final score:
Bedistan 0
Eauz 1