NationStates Jolt Archive

Ten Reasons why the Antarctic Oasis region, like, totally PWNS all of yours

Lois-Must-Die

18-08-2006, 20:08

LATEST NEWS FROM ANTARCTIC OASIS: Polar Picayune (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13861236&postcount=46) [23 July 2008]

http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a118/teddygrahams113/blackline_25B15D.jpg
Antarctic Oasis (s11.invisionfree.com/antarctic_oasis) Department of Region-whoringIt has come to my attention that this region hasn't nearly pimped for itself enough on the Feeder RMBs, UN Headquarters, or this forum as to make us comfortable, so in the interests of self-promotion and disseminating vital information about the world's primary haven for environment-raping capitalists and insane rogue dictators, we present to you 10 reasons for why you should make Antarctic Oasis your home. It's not just about building WMDs and freezing your Wena-loving ass off; there are plenty of valuable resources for your nation to take advantage of should you decide to move in:

It doesn't stop with penguins.
We got all sorts of loony wildlife running around our icy plains. Obviously, there are the penguins, who are mad and militarized; entire divisions of our armies are made up entirely of armed-to-the-beak penguin troopers, poised to defend their nations against any foe. We've found them to be highly efficient, extremely loyal and territorial, and aggressive to a fault. The Palentine and Omigodtheykilledkenny have also found they can explode quite easily, and have successfully employed their own kamikaze and "military-grade native" varieties in battle. There's an old joke about our penguin forces: when you're under siege, and it comes time to repel the advancing hordes or be overrun, what are you going to rely on? Your [snort!] HUMAN defenders??!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! ... But, like the bullet says, it ain't just penguins: there are also werepenguins, gnomish warbands and their terrifying war-ferrets, foul-mouthed dolphins (who settle once and for all the age-old debate over dolphin sentience), and goats. Can't have enough goats. And ever since our current delegate decided to align himself with us, there has been a plenitude of them.

We welcome nations of all political stripes into our fold.
We got 'em all: Rogue Dictatorships, Psychotic Dictatorships, Fascist Dictatorships, Corrupt Dictatorships, Corporate Dictatorships, Evil Conservative Dictatorships, Misbehaving Dictatorships, Holy Wenaist Dictatorships ... uhhh ... Democracies led by Wannabe Dictators ... yeah. Just about the only kind of dictatorship we haven't had in our region is a Communist Dictatorship. But we're willing to try anything once.

You like puppets? You want puppets? Oh, we got puppets, baby! And then some!
And not just the HotRodian kind, either. Client states of the Cluichstani, Palentine, Karmicarian, Kennyite, Ceoranan, Tzorslander, Yeldan, Flibbleite, Kivistan, St Edmundan, and Czardian varieties currently line our roster. Oh, yeah; we got puppets up the ass -- and even if you don't want to send your main nation here, we'll welcome your puppet.

Our leaders scare the shit out of all the others.
Among the assorted eccentrics and megalomaniacs in our regional pantheon are Gruenberger Sultan Gardab Woltzten IX, the scourge of the Gurglestani; The Palentine's Emperor Captain Spaulding I, who's been described as "a doozy," and his very worthy heir HIH Jhessan (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/HIH_Jhessan_Spaulding) (yeow!); Kivisto's lovable lunatic Admiral Shackleford; the Chair Officers of Retired WerePenguins, who rip their tops off for regional televised audiences; and, of course, "the Destructor from Del Fuego, Mexico," OMGTKK President Manuelo Fernanda (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Manuelo_Fernanda). (There's also Antigone Morgan (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Antigone_Morgan), who's not so much a "leader" as she is eye candy, but she is nice to look at, and she'll probably be pissed if we don't mention her here.) Many of these characters are prominently featured in regional hijinks and special events, like the silly game show (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=52) we held to select our current UN Delegate.

We neuter the UN (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=451356).
It's not just our natural isolation from the international community (or our regionwide shoot-on-sight policy for any trespassing UN gnome) that keeps us secure against UN tyranny, it's also our offensive countergnome operations, led by our very own Gnomish Warbands. And because the War on UN Terror requires that we fight them where they live, so we don't have to fight them here at home, we've also deployed one of the most delightfully insane contingents to UN Headquarters -- including Cluichstan's Sheik Nadnerb bin Cluich, the Palentine's Senator Horatio Sulla, Kivisto's Oskar Feldstein, Karmicaria's Casandra Chase (who seems to piss off a lot of fluffy retards without even trying), and, formerly, Omigodtheykilledkenny's Jack Riley and Gruenberg's Moltan Bausch. You wanna promote national sovereignty and stop instrusive legislation from coming down the pipe, best start right at the source, and squelch unfriendly laws before they come to fruition. That's why we spend so much time in an organization we are pledged to destroy.

We have passed sixteen (count 'em: sixteen) UN resolutions.
No other region, save maybe IDU (or Powerhungry Chipmunks' former region), has more resolutions under its belt. And the ones we got under ours include key International Security conventions like UN Counterterrorism Initiative (http://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_past_resolutions/start=167) and UN Demining Survey (http://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_past_resolutions/start=149); Child Pornography Prohibition (http://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_past_resolutions/start=168) (which passed by one of the largest margins in UN history -- better watch yourself, Safalra!); Repeal "Gay Rights" (http://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_past_resolutions/start=143); the infamous Abortion Legality Convention (http://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_past_resolutions/start=146); even an environmental resolution. Many of us are deftly skilled in the ways of UN legislation, and if you need help polishing up one of your proposals, we can help.

FREE TRADE RULES!!
That's right, baby! If you move to our region, you can sign one of most comprehensive free-trade agreements (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=59) out there, and instantly open your national markets to all the unique products you will only find in our humble abode: Cluichstani Private Entertainment Services Ltd.™ (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=21), Karmicarian Callboys Unlimited™ Franchises (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=33), our vast uranium trade (enriched, weaponized, liquor-spiked, you name it), Imperial Palentine Amalgamated Arms™ (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=447518), all of the industries for which the Gruenbergers constantly own the daily regional rankings, any of the Kennyites' many pornography rackets, whatever! We realized that a region as diabolically pro-capitalist as ours needed a free-trade accord, and in that vein the Antarctic Oasis Economic Advancement Agreement was crafted (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=32) during extensive consultations with the regional partners, any of whom will tell you: this will be damn good for your (roleplayed) economy.

Allied Antarctic Asskickers kick ass!
In what other region can you sign a mutual-defense treaty obligating a bunch of Stripper Commandos, exploding penguins, foul-mouthed dolphin sailors, hooker secret agents, and baaaaaaaaaaaatalions of the Gruenberger Army to come to your aid if attacked? Currently in its redrafting phase, the Allied Antarctic Asskickers Treaty (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=88) will bolster the defenses of your nation and make it safer from unprovoked attack.

We are anarchy.
We have no government worth mentioning. Sure, there's the charter nations, but they don't really do much; the founder, but all he ever does is swear and think up metaphors about what he''d like to do to the Thessadorian Ambassador; the delegate, but he's always tied up at UN Headquarters, fending off the Evil Fluffies and their scummy gnome friends -- so that leaves you pretty much on your own, free to do whatever the hell you want. Climb to the top of either The Palentine's Mt. Manisthishigh or OMGTKK's the Widowmaker and give a big "FUCK YOU!!" and the finger to all your neighbors (and the world) for all we care! The most you'll hear from us is the maniacal laughter, loud explosions, and toxic fumes emanating from our borders (what we like to call "progress" in Antarctic Oasis). Oh, and you'll probably be arrested for trespassing on Kennyite territory. But beyond that, it's your game.

We love the wiki.
You want more information about us, just visit our NSwiki category page (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Category:Antarctic_Oasis) (or read our Founder's FAQ (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=84)).

Attention all Psychotic World Leaders!! The Antarctic Oasis immigration service is up and running and ready to transport any and all willing rogue and rogue-loving nations to our beautiful, lush, picturesque, unbearable frozen wilderness. Inquire within (www.nationstates.net/target=display_region/region=antarctic_oasis).VICTORY IS MINE!!

Safalra

19-08-2006, 14:18

Child Pornography Prohibition (http://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_past_resolutions/start=168) (which passed by one of the largest margins in UN history -- better watch yourself, Safalra!);
Bah, everyone knows I'm the best at UN-resolution-writing, NS-related-programming, and mock arrogance. And England is of course the best region.

Ausserland

20-08-2006, 02:08

Our Ambassador to the Antarctic Oasis, Hon. Sister Mary Frigidia Hahrdkaess, informs us that the region certainly is... er... different.

Patrick T. Olembe, PhD
Minister for Foreign Affairs
The Principality of Ausserland

Cluichstan

22-08-2006, 15:08

I should think that CPESL (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=21) would be reason enough to relocate to Antarctic Oasis (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?). ;)

Flibbleites

22-08-2006, 17:27

Omigodtheykilledkenny

22-08-2006, 18:06

Apparently so (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11553992&postcount=5). :p

[EDIT: Heck, you get a free CPESL voucher just for joining the United Nations: http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11006172&postcount=3]

Cluichstan

23-08-2006, 15:03

Why, do region members get a discount?

Well, if you're in the region, it's cheaper for the company to send its servicewomen and products to your nation...

Oh, and the voucher when you first join Antarctic Oasis. ;)

Cluichstan

08-09-2006, 16:35

And it's not just CPESL (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=21) or any of the other reasons already mentioned. We've got a freakin' Death Star, man (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=142)! :cool:

Lois-Must-Die

31-10-2006, 17:27

Seriously, you guys got a Death Star?

Cluichstan

01-11-2006, 16:08

Seriously, you guys got a Death Star?

Of course we do. In fact, the UN Defense Convention (http://s15.invisionfree.com/UN_DEFCON) (DEFCON) recently moved its HQ there (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=172).

Ri-an

01-11-2006, 19:16

http://www.freewebs.com/antarcticoasis/blackline_2%5B1%5D.jpg
Antarctic Oasis (s11.invisionfree.com/antarctic_oasis) Department of Region-whoringIt has come to my attention that this region hasn't nearly pimped for itself enough on the Feeder RMBs, UN Headquarters, or this forum as to make us comfortable, so in the interests of self-promotion and disseminating vital information about the world's primary haven for environment-raping capitalists and insane rogue dictators, we present to you 10 reasons for why you should make Antarctic Oasis your home. It's not just about building WMDs and freezing your Wena-loving ass off; there are plenty of valuable resources for your nation to take advantage of should you decide to move in:

It doesn't stop with penguins.
We got all sorts of loony wildlife running around our icy plains. Obviously, there are the penguins, who are mad and militarized; entire divisions of our armies are made up entirely of armed-to-the-beak penguin troopers, poised to defend their nations against any foe. We've found them to be highly efficient, extremely loyal and territorial, and aggressive to a fault. The Palentine and Omigodtheykilledkenny have also found they can explode quite easily, and have successfully employed their own kamikaze and "military-grade native" varieties in battle. There's an old joke about our penguin forces: when you're under siege, and it comes time to repel the advancing hordes or be overrun, what are you going to rely on? Your [snort!] HUMAN defenders??!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! ... But, like the bullet says, it ain't just penguins: there are also werepenguins, gnomish warbands and their terrifying war-ferrets, foul-mouthed dolphins (who settle once and for all the age-old debate over dolphin sentience), and goats. Can't have enough goats. And ever since our current delegate decided to align himself with us, there has been a plenitude of them.

We welcome nations of all political stripes into our fold.
We got 'em all: Rogue Dictatorships, Psychotic Dictatorships, Fascist Dictatorships, Corrupt Dictatorships, Corporate Dictatorships, Evil Conservative Dictatorships, Misbehaving Dictatorships, Holy Wenaist Dictatorships ... uhhh ... Democracies led by Wannabe Dictators ... yeah. Just about the only kind of dictatorship we haven't had in our region is a Communist Dictatorship. But we're willing to try anything once.

You like puppets? You want puppets? Oh, we got puppets, baby! And then some!
And not just the HotRodian kind, either. Client states of the Cluichstani, Palentine, Karmicarian, Kennyite, Ceoranan, Tzorslander, Yeldan, Flibbleite, Kivistan, St Edmundan, and Czardian varieties currently line our roster. Oh, yeah; we got puppets up the ass -- and even if you don't want to send your main nation here, we'll welcome your puppet.

Our leaders scare the shit out of all the others.
Among the assorted eccentrics and megalomaniacs in our regional pantheon are Gruenberger Sultan Gardab Woltzten IX, the scourge of the Gurglestani; The Palentine's Emperor Captain Spaulding I, who's been described as "a doozy," and his very worthy heir HIH Jhessan (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/HIH_Jhessan_Spaulding) (yeow!); Kivisto's lovable lunatic Admiral Shackleford; the Chair Officers of Retired WerePenguins, who rip their tops off for regional televised audiences; and, of course, "the Destructor from Del Fuego, Mexico," OMGTKK President Manuelo Fernanda (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Manuelo_Fernanda). (There's also Antigone Morgan (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Antigone_Morgan), who's not so much a "leader" as she is eye candy, but she is nice to look at, and she'll probably be pissed if we don't mention her here.) Many of these characters are prominently featured in regional hijinks and special events, like the silly game show (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=52) we held to select our current UN Delegate.

We neuter the UN (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=451356).
It's not just our natural isolation from the international community (or our regionwide shoot-on-sight policy for any trespassing UN gnome) that keeps us secure against UN tyranny, it's also our offensive countergnome operations, led by our very own Gnomish Warbands. And because the War on UN Terror requires that we fight them where they live, so we don't have to fight them here at home, we've also deployed one of the most delightfully insane contingents to UN Headquarters -- including Cluichstan's Sheik Nadnerb bin Cluich, the Palentine's Senator Horatio Sulla, Kivisto's Oskar Feldstein, Karmicaria's Casandra Chase (who seems to piss off a lot of fluffy retards without even trying), and, formerly, Omigodtheykilledkenny's Jack Riley and Gruenberg's Moltan Bausch. You wanna promote national sovereignty and stop instrusive legislation from coming down the pipe, best start right at the source, and squelch unfriendly laws before they come to fruition. That's why we spend so much time in an organization we are pledged to destroy.

We have passed ten (count 'em: ten) UN resolutions.
No other region, save maybe IDU (or Powerhungry Chipmunks' former region), has more resolutions under its belt. And the ones we got under ours include key International Security conventions like UN Counterterrorism Initiative (http://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_past_resolutions/start=167) and UN Demining Survey (http://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_past_resolutions/start=149); Child Pornography Prohibition (http://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_past_resolutions/start=168) (which passed by one of the largest margins in UN history -- better watch yourself, Safalra!); Repeal "Gay Rights" (http://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_past_resolutions/start=143); the infamous Abortion Legality Convention (http://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_past_resolutions/start=146); even an environmental resolution. Many of us are deftly skilled in the ways of UN legislation, and if you need help polishing up one of your proposals, we can help.

FREE TRADE RULES!!
That's right, baby! If you move to our region, you can sign one of most comprehensive free-trade agreements (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=59) out there, and instantly open your national markets to all the unique products you will only find in our humble abode: Cluichstani Private Entertainment Services Ltd.™ (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=21), Karmicarian Callboys Unlimited™ Franchises (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=33), our vast uranium trade (enriched, weaponized, liquor-spiked, you name it), Imperial Palentine Amalgamated Arms™ (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=447518), all of the industries for which the Gruenbergers constantly own the daily regional rankings, any of the Kennyites' many pornography rackets, whatever! We realized that a region as diabolically pro-capitalist as ours needed a free-trade accord, and in that vein the Antarctic Oasis Economic Advancement Agreement was crafted (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=32) during extensive consultations with the regional partners, any of whom will tell you: this will be damn good for your (roleplayed) economy.

Allied Antarctic Asskickers kick ass!
In what other region can you sign a mutual-defense treaty obligating a bunch of Stripper Commandos, exploding penguins, foul-mouthed dolphin sailors, hooker secret agents, and baaaaaaaaaaaatalions of the Gruenberger Army to come to your aid if attacked? Currently in its redrafting phase, the Allied Antarctic Asskickers Treaty (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=88) will bolster the defenses of your nation and make it safer from unprovoked attack.

We are anarchy.
We have no government worth mentioning. Sure, there's the charter nations, but they don't really do much; the founder, but all he ever does is swear and think up metaphors about what he''d like to do to the Thessadorian Ambassador; the delegate, but he's always tied up at UN Headquarters, fending off the Evil Fluffies and their scummy gnome friends -- so that leaves you pretty much on your own, free to do whatever the hell you want. Climb to the top of either The Palentine's Mt. Manisthishigh or OMGTKK's the Widowmaker and give a big "FUCK YOU!!" and the finger to all your neighbors (and the world) for all we care! The most you'll hear from us is the maniacal laughter, loud explosions, and toxic fumes emanating from our borders (what we like to call "progress" in Antarctic Oasis). Oh, and you'll probably be arrested for trespassing on Kennyite territory. But beyond that, it's your game.

We love the wiki.
You want more information about us, just visit our NSwiki category page (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Category:Antarctic_Oasis) (or read our Founder's FAQ (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=84)).

Attention all Psychotic World Leaders!! The Antarctic Oasis immigration service is up and running and ready to transport any and all willing rogue and rogue-loving nations to our beautiful, lush, picturesque, unbearable frozen wilderness. Inquire within (www.nationstates.net/target=display_region/region=antarctic_oasis).VICTORY IS MINE!!

Your right, The AO totally rocks, and I regret ever deciding to just sitt in my own private nuthouse with a friend. May the AO have mercy on my wayward soul.

I'm not moving though.

Havvy

02-11-2006, 04:18

Where's your army of trained whales? You can't have a real arctic army w/o whale that have lasers on there heads!

Omigodtheykilledkenny

02-11-2006, 04:31

Um, we're Antarctic. And you're supposed to put laser beams on sharks' heads. Everyone knows that.

Flibbleites

02-11-2006, 05:56

Um, we're Antarctic. And you're supposed to put laser beams on sharks' heads. Everyone knows that.

And they're not just any laser beams, they're fricking laser beams.

The Most Glorious Hack

02-11-2006, 06:10

Don't forget the dogs that shoot bees out of their mouths when they bark.

Cluichstan

02-11-2006, 14:10

Don't forget the dogs that shoot bees out of their mouths when they bark.

Wow, you nicked Sheik Larebil's bag of weed after Sheik Nadnerb killed him (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11881792&postcount=48), didn't you? :p

Palentine UN Office

02-11-2006, 18:24

Where's your army of trained whales? You can't have a real arctic army w/o whale that have lasers on there heads!

For some reason there does not seem to be a lot of whales in our territorial waters. It is believed that the foul mouths, and salty vocabulary of our brave and noble Palentine Naval Dolphins drove them away.Scurrious rumor has it that Palentine's Best Tuna(TM), uses whale as a filler insted of Dolphin. However those rumors are baseless*Cough* as we of the Palentine observe all the laws that Big Brot...errr...the UN passes.(I can't believe I said that with a straight face.):p
Excelsior,
Sen. Horatio Sulla

Steel and Fire

02-11-2006, 20:21

Wow, you nicked Sheik Larebil's bag of weed after Sheik Nadnerb killed him (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11881792&postcount=48), didn't you? :p

ZOMG!

DR. LEARY IS EVERYWHERE AND OMNIPOTENT!

FLEE! FLEE!

oh, and I probably have a nation or two already in Antarctic Oasis, too lazy to check right now. -.-

The Holy Ekaj Monarchy

03-11-2006, 04:57

Our leaders scare the shit out of all the others.

It took me only three lines to get scared, very scared, for your mental health:eek:

Cluichstan

03-11-2006, 14:01

It took me only three lines to get scared, very scared, for your mental health:eek:

Bah! Mental health is overrated. :p

Cluichstan

03-11-2006, 17:48

Plus...we've got our own newspaper. :cool:

================================================

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/9666/polarpicayuneheaderto4.gif
3 November 2006

Cluichstani UN Shake-Up Short-Lived -- Literally

http://www.riverfronttimes.com/issues/2003-09-03/calendar/performance_1.gif
The late Sheik Larebil bin Cluich with an unidentified CPESL servicewoman. According to other UN representatives, he won’t be missed.

UN HEADQUARTERS and CLUICHABAD, Cluichstan -- Just weeks after Cluichstan's long-serving ambassador to the UN, Sheik Nadnerb bin Cluich, was replaced (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11789187&postcount=199), the sheik reclaimed his position by decapitating his replacement (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11881792&highlight=larebil#post11881792) on the floor of the UN General Assembly.

Sheik Nadnerb, described by one UN delegate as "a trigger-happy, arrogant, womanizing, vitriolic asshole," was lifted from his position as UN ambassador by the Cluichstani Foreign Ministry after a string of what can only be described as obnoxious outbursts on the floor of the UN, including wiping his ass in front of the entire General Assembly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11782448&highlight=toilet#post11782448) during the recent debate on the "Fair Sentencing Act."

His replacement, Sheik Larebil bin Cluich, however, appeared to enrage fellow ambassadors even more, with his constant (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11876548&highlight=larebil#post11876548) pot-smoking (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11876504&highlight=larebil#post11876504) and by (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11835875&highlight=larebil#post11835875') doling (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11834804&highlight=larebil#post11834804) out (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11858437&highlight=larebil#post11858437) flowers (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11860229&highlight=larebil#post11860229) at (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11860261&highlight=larebil#post11860261) every (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11876530&highlight=larebil#post11876530) opportunity (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11829893&highlight=larebil#post11829893). He even, at one point, ignored a debate altogether to talk to a sock puppet (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11860697&highlight=larebil#post11860697).

When word of Sheik Larebil's behaviour reached Cluichabad, Cluichstani Foreign Minister Sheik Retep bin Cluich, the foreign minister acted swiftly and decisively. In a press conference held in Cluichabad, Sheik Retep told reporters that the Misbehaving Sultanate of Cluichstan refused to be represented in such a way. "We can't have people thinking we're a bunch of damned hippies, because we are most certainly not," he said. "I mean, c'mon, would hippies build a frickin' Death (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=142) Star (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=172)?!?"

When Sheik Retep, Larebil's third cousin, was asked if his family relation to the now deceased former UN ambassador had made him hesitate to remove him so violently, the foreign minister waved dismissively and said, "Bah, fuck him."

Sheik Retep then added, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a lovely lady from CPESL (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=172) [Cluichstani Private Entertainment Services Ltd.] waiting for me in my office."

Sheik Nadnerb was unrepentant for the manner in which he disposed of his former replacement. "Fuck him," he said. "He was a bloody knobjockey."

Representatives of other nations were almost equally dismissive of the late Sheik Larebil.

Karmicaria's UN representative, Dahlia Black, said, "I'm just glad he's gone. I couldn't take anymore of those damned flowers. Besides, I'm really glad Nadnerb's back, because he's hot."

Kennyite security attache to the UN, Commander Jenny Chiang, was also pleased to see Sheik Nadnerb bin Cluich return to the UN. "It's good to see someone who cares for the security of his nation -- as well as the security of other nations -- back in the UN. That Larebil was a pussy. Besides, I'm really glad Nadnerb's back, because he's hot."

Even Tommo the Stout, Norderia's ambassador to the UN and a frequent foil of Sheik Nadnerb bin Cluich in the past, expressed his relief that Nadnerb has returned. "Sure, Nadnerb and I butted heads quite a bit in the past, but that Larebil guy was nothing more than a clown," he said. "Besides, I'm really glad Nadnerb's back, because he's hot."

Karmicarian Queen Picks Husband, People Shocked

Karma City, Karmicaria (KAP) - The nation of Karmicaria gasped in unison today as they were told that Queen Adrienne had chosen her the man she would marry. "We're very shocked that she would pick a man from The Federal Republic. It's a disgrace!" One random passer-by told us.

http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a118/teddygrahams113/amir_khan.jpg
OMGTKK Treasury Secretary Susa Batko-Yovino, the next king of Karmicaria, punching out the cameraman.

Queen Adrienne has chosen Susa Batko-Yovino, who is (or should we say was) the treasury secretary for The Federal Republic of Omigodtheykilledkenny. The general reaction from the public was that of shock. Most don't understand why Queen Adrienne would pick a man from such an infamous nation.

There has been no date set for the wedding as yet, but the queen's assistant, Tristan, has assured us that it would be "soon".

Now, the people of the Queendom of Karmicaria sit back and wait for whatever misery this union will bring to them and their queen.

The Palentine Opens AAA HQ

THE ’BURGH, The Palentine -- The finishing touches were recently added to the new headquarters for the regional defense alliance of the Antarctic Oasis. The building was completed in record time -- mostly because of veiled threats from His Imperial Dooziness, and soon to be Co-Empress Jhessan. The building resembles a forboding, squat Hexagon on the surface, with many gun emplacements, unidentifiable antennas and other objects.

http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f235/HoratioSulla/Commandcenter.jpg
An artist's conception of the AAA Command Center

The above-ground-level floors will be mostly for staff and for the liasons to the various Antarctic Asskickers Alliance Treaty members and their militaries. Also a Starbucks, and a couple of fine drinking establishments are also rumoured to be in the levels as well. A couple of hardened rooftop helipads are also available for member usage.

It is believed that the real good stuff is located below ground in a hardened bunker area known as "the Pit". This area rumoured to have a command center, for coordinating military action, a secured meeting area for the Regional Security Council, offices for the Antarctic Oasis Charter members, a CPESL lounge, and a changing room for Kennyite Stripper Commandos.

Gruenberger Grand Vizier Steps In to Settle Dispute

FLURTHWEL, Gruenberg -- Just days after his return to Flurtwel from the AAA Treaty signing in Paradise City, OMGTKK, Grand Vizier Mikkolic Weltin has, in a political move that has brought shock, awe, adulation, and rabid badger attack, definitively resolved the constitutional crisis dominating post-GC12 events. Many see this as one of the most important acts thus far of his political career - though not all are optimistic that it augurs well for Gruenberg.

http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/7667/untitlednx4.png
Gruenberger UN Legal Advisor Lori Jiffjeff doesn’t have anything whatsoever to do with this story. We just think she’s hot.

The controversy stems from the Emergency Powers Act forced through Congress to tackle the civil disruption in the wake of the explosion of a GruenChem factory in Arradan. Whilst there was bipartisan support for extending executive powers to immediately promote aid efforts, recover infrastructure, and quell ensuing disturbances in both Arradan and the Gelzien Nub, it rapidly transpired that the Act's provisions were more extensive: many claim they lay the foundation for a police state. Monarchists have dismissed this as silly, citing the many other laws already in existence, such as the infamous "Stop, Search and Sodomise" protocol, that clearly established this foundation well before the EPA.

In particular, riders that repealed women's right to vote, created the new crimes of "criticising national heroes", "inspiring fear" and "being older than 30 and thinking you can get away with that", and drastically curtailed press freedoms were cited as unconstitutional. Intense battles raged as both sides claimed the legal advantage.

This morning, the issue was settled however, as the Grand Vizier utilised powers granted under another, previously unnoticed, sub-clause, and repealed the constitution. He delivered a brief address, noting that this removed any question of the EPA's constitutionality, and said that anyway, no one would really notice it was gone.

"This is a step forward for Gruenberg," he said, before stepping forward and kicking National Liberal leader Popo Poppypants in the shins. He then added, "Take that, you bitch."

Special Report
One Year After Tiki Taki: Are We Safer?
Reading this article may not actually answer that question, editors warn

GUANA TONGA MO BAY, Tiki Taki -- The primitive inhabitants of this tiny tropical paradise in the Malibu Islands once lived in blissful isolation from the civilized world, passing down their native traditions from generation to generation, paying homage to the island gods, ripping out the hearts of unlucky castaways anytime the volcano grew angry, perfecting the architecture of shaky grass huts, subjecting little boys to brutal passage rites so they may become warriors, and seizing newborn girls so they may be used to violate UN Resolution #62. Lovely topless native girls frolicked on the island's many unspoiled beaches, in view of none but a few horny native guys hiding the bushes, poised to claim brides for themselves, and some National Geographic photographers. Filmmaker Michael Moore also dutifully informs us that little kiddies used to fly kites on lazy dry-season afternoons.

For thousands of years, the indigenous people of Tiki Taki lived in complete peace and harmony with the land, the sea, the wildlife, the tropic gods, and the lingering souls of their ancestors -- until one tragic day the lowly island got in President Fernanda's way.

Manuelo Fernanda came to office last year on the campaign pledge to "kick some major terrorist ass!" Strangely enough, however, the president for five months refused to do anything at all about the ever-present terrorist threat in the Federal Republic. Analysts speculated the notorious tail-chasing playboy was probably filling his time with "recreational activities," and there was little to doubt the theory. Sierra Towers blew up. The president did nothing. The Gateway Bridge blew up. The president did nothing. Antigone Morgan's favorite hair salon blew up. The president did nothing. A memo to the president from the fearless Kennyite intelligence service screamed at its head, "Yaffa Determined to Strike inside the Federal Republic," but Fernanda brushed it off.

http://www.supanet.com/media/00/10/53/longoria.jpg
The loss of her favourite hair salon saddened Kennyite VP Antigone Morgan – and understandably. Sure, she’s hot, but that hair could use some work.

"That's hardly headline news, gentleman," the commander-in-chief reportedly told his advisers. "They attack every day."

The observation may have been fair enough, but 1,973 people would eventually die at the hands of terrorists, and still the president did nothing. Then militants killed the Paradise City Dumbass Cheerleaders at Murphy Stadium, and the administration immediately sprang into action.

http://files.myopera.com/Matta/albums/71355/thumbs/43032_nfl7.jpg_thumb.jpg
It wasn't until the loss of the Paradise City Dumbass Cheerleaders that the Fernanda administration did anything to combat the terrorist threat faced by the Federal Republic.

For the first time in his presidency, Fernanda placed the nation on high alert, beefed up security at ports and border crossings, put Air Force jets in the skies over major OMGTKK cities, held war summits with cabinet officials and foreign allies, and spirited surviving professional cheerleaders to secure, undisclosed locations.

In an Oct. 20, 2005. address to a special joint session of the Federal Congress, Fernanda pleaded with the people of Omigodtheykilledkenny for patience as the government embarked on a war on terrorism. "In the coming days and weeks, we will commit all our resources to find and bring to justice the cold-blooded killers who propagated this despicable act," he pledged. "We will stop at nothing until the terrorist threat in our time is extinguished, and al-Jharad's leaders are brought to account for their crimes. But first, I'm gonna invade Tiki Taki. I hear the girls there got asses just won't fucking quit! ... Oh. And WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!"

In the days that followed, the federal government raised the terror threat level from Vivid Tangerine to Hot Pink (which, of course, means absolutely nothing), rounded up Tiki Taki immigrants and detained them as "material witnesses," drew up invasion plans for the beleaguered island, and struck a deal with The Palentine to provide 6,500 profane naval dolphins to detect underwater landmines and boost the vocabularies of native children. After weeks of searching and finding not a single shred of evidence tying Tiki Taki to the mindless slaughter of the bubbly blonde bimbos, rescue workers recovered a coconut-shell bikini from the ashes of Ground Zero. The Federal Republic was ready for war.

Three deployments of nuclear-armed carrier units, one three-hour skirmish ending in unconditional surrender by the spear-hurling natives, 45,000 occupying troops, 670 billion wasted tree-fiddys, 64 Halliburton reconstruction contracts, 237 terror suspects detained in a makeshift military prison, 29 desecrated Korans, 8,700 bad jokes about the Destructor 'finding his WMDs underneath the native women's coconuts,' and roughly 45 million paparazzi photos of the vice president skinnydipping later, and weapons inspectors still claim they have found no weapons of mass destruction on Tiki Taki. They have, however, located tracts of prime real estate on which to build a posh government resort, and a few native infants bearing a striking resemblance to the Destructor.

In the year since the invasion, the president has prosecuted his War on Terror with terrible fury, robotically reciting talking points about "taking the fight to the enemy where they live, so we don't have to fight them here at home" (even though we are fighting them here at home, daily, in Paradise City). He has "liberated" numerous terror outposts, including the Wigganese Islands, Thessadoria and Chechnya, and has promised, at some point, to go after the guys who actually killed the cheerleaders.

In December, the Federal Republic attacked the Eternal Kawaii in an effort to stall its lunatic leaders' nuclear ambitions. The ensuing ceasefire agreement, however, didn't contain a single provision barring HOCEK from future nuclear development, and there really is nothing to stop the otaku from pursuing such weapons if they wanted.

The war has seen other setbacks, including an incident where investigators found blueprints of Murphy Stadium and extensive files on the Dumbass Cheerleaders (including measurements, cup sizes and turn-ons) in the office of Defense Secretary Charlie Valentine, leading to his indictment for high treason. Luckily for the administration, that was just about the time the vice president was caught dancing with a young diplomat in the United Nations Strangers' Bar.

The president has also seen some major successes in the past year, including the passage of the UN Counterterrorism Initiative and the adoption of the Allied Antarctic Asskickers Treaty.

This hasn't stopped naysayers in the Liberal Party, including Assembly Leader Nancy Reid, from decrying the "hopeless quagmire in Paradise City" and proposing an immediate "redeployment" of our troops to a new capital city.

The Destructor blasted these critics in a recent Frowning Street news conference, flatly declaring, "We will never cut-and-run in the face of terror." He repeated his assertion that a "timetable" toward withdrawal would only embolden the extremists, and scowled at a reporter’s questions asking whether "continued terrorist violence in Paradise City and across the region raises concerns about how the war has been run."

"Continued violence 'across the region'?!" he asked. "What does that that have to do with us? Our new UN guy may have tackled a helpless royal to the floor in full view of leaders from around the world (and his handprints may be all over that slutty VP's ass), but there is no reason whatsoever to suspect him in recent separatist violence in the Gelzien Nub."

"Um, whoever said anything about Amb. Faisano or the Gelzien Nub, Mr. President?"

"Shut up! That's who."

=============================

Note: The Polar Picayune is the newspaper for Antarctic Oasis (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?). If you think your nation would like to be a part of this sort of thing, please feel free to join. We'd be happy to have more loonies. :)

Omigodtheykilledkenny

04-11-2006, 00:03

I demand a nickel for every time the word "hot" appears in this issue. I'll be a rich man.

Cluichstan

04-11-2006, 00:15

I demand a nickel for every time the word "hot" appears in this issue. I'll be a rich man.

You noticed that, eh? ;)

Omigodtheykilledkenny

04-11-2006, 00:34

Should I request an allowance for every boob that appears in this issue too? I got medical bills to pay off.

Cluichstan

04-11-2006, 00:42

Should I request an allowance for every boob that appears in this issue too? I got medical bills to pay off.

Well, I dunno. You did really make me work to find a reason for me to use a pic of Antigone Morgan. I mean, sheesh! You mentioned her once -- and only in passing! :p

Omigodtheykilledkenny

04-11-2006, 16:44

I mentioned her twice in passing, actually. I'm shocked you didn't use that as an excuse to run two photos of her. :D

Omigodtheykilledkenny

05-11-2006, 15:35

BUMP!

http://www.flydamnit.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/07/zidane.gif

Bloodthirsty Dolphins

05-11-2006, 23:17

You've convinced us!

- The Rogue Pod of Bloodthirsty Dolphins (http://www.nationstates.net/Bloodthirsty_Dolphins)

<Joins>

Cool!!! We're the 13th largest and 12th poorest nation in the region. Squeeeeeeeee!

Cluichstan

06-11-2006, 14:31

I mentioned her twice in passing, actually. I'm shocked you didn't use that as an excuse to run two photos of her. :D

Damn! I missed the parenthetical near the end!

You've convinced us!

- The Rogue Pod of Bloodthirsty Dolphins (http://www.nationstates.net/Bloodthirsty_Dolphins)

<Joins>

Cool!!! We're the 13th largest and 12th poorest nation in the region. Squeeeeeeeee!

Hey, the more, the merrier! :cool:

Cluichstan

06-11-2006, 17:38

BUMP!

http://www.flydamnit.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/07/zidane.gif

Can't beat that bump! :D

Cluichstan

08-11-2006, 15:24

Join Antarctic Oasis (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?)! Meet Lori Jiffjeff!

http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/7667/untitlednx4.png

Tzorsland

08-11-2006, 16:28

Hi. I’m Robert Brown. My wife used to be the big cheese in Retired Werepenguins a few years ago, but now she’s a trustee. Go figure. Anyway, I just wanted to point out, considering that most of the promotions for our wonderful region seem to be just “Meet the cute girls,” (Hey my wife’s cute too but she’s mine!) that The Evil Conservative Empire of The Palentine has the best kielbasa and beer in the world! (It’s Olde Frothingslosh – the foam’s on the bottom you know!) So come have a beer barreled polka in the Antarctic Oasis today! And stop by the Retired Werepenguins! We love tourists! (Especially with a nice BBQ sauce!)

http://pic40.picturetrail.com/VOL291/1756382/5512569/187123513.jpg

Would you believe I was a biker once? Seriously! I and my gang used to ride the wild lands of the Antarctic Oasis, the wind blowing though my hair (yes I had more hair then) and the sun ever distant on the horizon. We were the law; I mean we helped the law. It’s hard to be the law when you had a national tax rate of zero and … what do you mean we have to end this commercial now? I was only just getting started!

Oh yea, Come to the Antarctic Oasis! I’ll treat you to some shshi!

Lois-Must-Die

30-12-2006, 20:58

SPECIAL EDITION
http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/9666/polarpicayuneheaderto4.gif (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showforum=20)
News from the Antarctic Oasis (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis) region _۩_ 30 December 2006

Kivistan election victory for delegate officially certified
Gruenbergers set to turn over keys to the office, equip it with rubber walls

http://www.movieforum.com/movies/titles/reddragon/images/hannibalmask.jpg
Kivistan Ambassador to the UN Oskar Feldstein celebrates his nation's victory in regional elections.

GEHINNEM, LMD (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=312) -- Kivisto was officially certified (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=308) this week as the winner of Antarctic Oasis' first-ever regionwide vote to determine who should succeed Gruenberg as Regional UN Delegate.

The Dominion garnered over 5.7 billion votes, or 46.7% of the total ballots cast, LMD officials said. In second place was Karmicaria with over 4.6 billion votes, or 37.6%. A bunch of "werepenguins" were licking their wounds in a distant third-place showing, with nearly 85 percent of electors having voted for them to shut the fuck up. Little is known as to whether they actually will.

The Kivistans were overjoyed by the result, UN Amb. Oskar Feldstein reportedly ordering up a troop of KCU callgirls (and boys) for an energetic late-night session of [in the interests of preserving our readers' sleep patterns and belief in a benevolent God, this portion of the article has been omitted].

"The will of the region, the will of its leaders and the will of the Master are perfectly in tune on this note," said "Lady" Vanessa, Kivisto's regional acolyte boasting an ass that won't quit. "We are to be a voice of reason, reform, accountability and (ironically enough) sanity in the United Nations." Adm. Rusty Shackleford, meanwhile, was unavailable for comment, aids trying to hide the fact that he was passed out under his desk, drooling profusely and cradling a jug of Captain Morgan.

"Meh. At least they didn't choose them slutty Karmicarians," opined OMGTKK President Manuelo Fernanda at a Frowning Street news conference, before retiring to his private quarters for an extensive "diplomatic summit" with a slutty Karmicarian.

UN diplomats shared their views of their Kivistan colleague, soon to become the region's chief spokesman at the international organization's headquarters.

"I remember the first time I met Amb. Feldstein at the UN General Assembly," recalled Sammy Faisano, OMGTKK Ambassador to the United Nations. "He kept staring at my ass, asking if I was a Karmicarian and trying to proposition me. He kept persisting, but I held firm, telling him I wouldn't do it for less than $5,000. I finally had to refer him to Cmdr. Chiang just to get him to shut up. I never heard back on if they managed to cut a deal."

Asking the opinion of Ariddian Amb. Christelle Whatsherface, a reporter recounted some of Feldstein's past exploits (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=277&view=findpost&p=6304521), to which the ambassador clasped her ears and shrieked in horror for at least 10 minutes.

Riding on the success of the June delegate competition, in which Gruenberg decidedly edged out Kivisto on the "Have you no fucking shame?" factor, the region's leaders sought a repeat of the event, but, unable to produce any original ideas, simply threw together a trumped-up popularity contest at the last minute.

Regional voters were said to have been won over by the Kivistans' stellar debate (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=277) performance earlier this month in Flurthwel, the capital city of Gruenberg. Karmicaria, meanwhile, was seemingly embroiled in some weird identity crisis, replacing Amb. Dahlia Dioce in the middle of the questioning with some tough-talking brute. Analysts said Kivisto's hardliner anti-fluffy, pro-deception, creepy, creepy stance helped win them the match.

Seven nations backed Kivisto in the election, most by wide margins; the other two candidates splitting the remaining six countries. Kivisto beat out Karmicaria in Cluichstan by a mere four votes, while Karmicaria won in OMGTKK by just three.

Several Oasis nations refused to participate in the selection, most of them indicating their nations do not allow elections. Lois-Must-Die scorned the process as a "grotesque populist charade."

This being the first vote ever held over the entire region, and the first election for a few of its participating nations, there were a few snags in the electoral process. Widespread reports of electoral fraud, ballot stuffing and voter intimidation poured in as the election progressed. Numerous voting stations in Newbomb Turk were reportedly "egged and toilet papered," but the government assured foreign leaders that this was not irregular.

Wrestling fans were allegedly responsible for countless instances of voter intimidation in The Palentine. The Cluichstani government slapped its four Retired WerePenguins voters with drug charges, and human rights observers in Gruenberg reported that many WerePenguins voters were declared heretics and summarily stoned for apostasy. "It was fucking hilarious," claimed one observer.

Meanwhile, zealots in the Federal Republic's Kivisto camp clashed with Karmicaria supporters and Xt'Tapolopaquetl militants in the streets of Paradise City and nearby Basin City, as 72 "Martyrs for Kivisto" heroically blew themselves up to disrupt the voting process, some actually reaching their intended targets before detonating. Others, tragically, took only their own lives, and destroyed some really nice cars.

OMGTKK elections officials claimed that billions (not millions) of Kennyite voters spoiled their ballots, too many of them unable to resist the urge to doodle on them with crayon. Thousands of touch-screen voting machines short-circuited when users tried in vain to press multiple buttons at once, others attempting to write in candidates on the screens with magic marker. Damages on voting equipment amounted to nearly $450 million.

Exit polls helped shed some light on the voters' "message," with 43% of poll respondents saying Kivisto "kicked some serious ass in that muthafuckin' debate," 10% saying the Karmicarians "should have brought some condoms; we don't wanna catch whatever they got," 12% taking Donald Trump's side in his latest feud with Rosie O'Donnell and agreeing with him that Rosie is a 'fat, ugly, loudmouthed, no-talent hussie' and they 'pity her girlfriend for having to wake up to that every morning,' and 20% wondering why there were so many God-damned sex jokes in this article.

IN OTHER NEWS:

Gruenberg prepares to leave the UN (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=313) --- After nearly a year and a half haunting UNHQ's halls, six months of service as regional delegate, the passage of 11 Gruenberger resolutions, $349,785 in profanity fines from NSUN broadcast-decency watchdogs, and 75 costly "merchandise" runs to support Rono Pyandran (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=215)'s hopeless compulsion, the goat-enabled sultanate makes ready to announce its resignation from the world body, whilst the Sultan ponders ethnically cleansing the big fuzzy spiders crawling up his body.

New Year's Resolutions (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=304) --- Leaders of the region discuss prospects for 2007: among them, Gruenberger Amb. Moltan Bausch's pledge to stop mutilating people's bodies without a surgical license, Kennyite Amb. Sammy Faisano's vow to quit "wanking off," Cmdr. Jenny Chiang's promise to quit violating UN Resolution #41, Her Imperial Hotness' goal "to Gelding Grip™ the m***********g pervert who snapped some naked photos of me, when I catch the sorry SOB!", and former Allech-Atreus Amb. Landaman Pendankr's promise to do more things that will make Christelle Zyryanov's blood curdle.

CPESL Executive Dies in Shuttle Disaster (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=254) --- Ourae, vice president of business development for Cluichstani Private Entertainment Services Ltd. (CPESL), was killed yesterday when the shuttle that was to carry her to the Cluichstani Death Star exploded just seconds after taking off from Vader Air Force Base. When contacted for comment, Death Star Commander Sheik Nikrat said, "Bugger all! I was finally going to get some real action. My wives -- well, they don't do it for me anymore. I was really looking forward to having a go at that sweet piece of ass." Investigators into the explosion are already focusing on the possibility of sabotage.

Tehrani: 'WE ARE NOT A DICTATORSHIP GODDAMMIT' (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=226) --- See, Ariddia, Norderia, Artichokeville, et al.? You've gone and made Alex Tehrani cry!

Lois-Must-Die

20-01-2007, 22:44

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/9666/polarpicayuneheaderto4.gif (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showforum=20)
News from the Antarctic Oasis (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis) region _۩_ 20 January 2006

Sultan takes ill, vizier seen as inept, royal kitty still fine

http://www.webcamshots.nl/galleries/Elisha%20Cuthbert/Elisha%20Cuthbert%2004.jpg
Gruenberg's Princess Jianna is reportedly so distraught over her father's illness she can barely hold her bust in.

FLURTHWEL (http://s11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=339) -- In an announcement that has left the people of Gruenberg stunned and prompted fellow Antarctic Oasis nation Akimonad to propose a regional health care system (http://s11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=340), senior medical personnel of the Court admitted tonight that Sultan Gardab Woltzten IX is recuperating in hospital after suffering a heart attack. His condition is said to be stable and he is conscious and lucid, but the incident has predictably raised major questions about the Sultan’s health, and provoked the beginnings of heated debate on the problems of succession.

The Sultan had previously attended a banquet in honour of Wena's fourth toenail, The Feast Of The Nail Of Righteous Veneration, but guests said he appeared tired and emotional (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/tired_and_emotional), and left “before the blood orgy really got into gear”; he is believed to have retired to private quarters, where he reported pain in his chest before losing consciousness. Currently in the Chief Sultanic And Most Goatly Infirmary Of The Blessed Minions Of All That Is Worthy, he is being attended to by his daughters Mya and Lara, with Jianna being expected to arrive in Flurthwel tomorrow to join her sisters.

When she arrives, she is sure to only add further to the already intense debate surrounding the implications of this downturn in the Sultan’s health, about which questions had not previously been raised given his relative youth. Most have agreed that the repealing of the constitutional has made things considerably simpler, as it has sensibly removed most of the irrelevant and complicated legal formalities.

However, there is no obvious male heir. The present Sultan’s zeal to ascend to the throne himself saw him eliminate most of his male relatives, taking out many with his still legendary chop-kick-chokeslam-hail-of-submachine-gun-bullets combo. His three closest relatives are Juhannes, his great-uncle, who is 81, and the two children of his first cousin, Rimmi and Gallan, who are 4 and 1 respectively. Asked on what he would do if appointed Sultan, Rimmi answered, “Choo choo! Choo choo!”

This plan of rail development may not meet with widespread favour, and other candidates are being considered. Crucially, none of his daughters is yet married: if he were to die before any of them took a bride, Gruenberg would be left in the unthinkable position of having a female take to the throne, or else picking some random bum off the street and whipping up some credentials for him. Polling indicates heavy support for the random bum, many of whom cite as an inspirational and devoted leader; many also indicated that they had no particular aversion to a female monarch, but felt being the global butt of “Sultana” jokes would drive them to neo-postal rampages.

But questions have also been raised about the competence of the Grand Vizier himself, with many citing the established tradition of brutal assassination of the Sultan by their Grand Vizier, thereby plunging Gruenberg into a maelstrom of intrigue and bloodshed. If ill health proves the demise of Gardab IX, it will be seen by many to be a slight on Weltin’s capabilities, as he really should have done the job himself.

The Grand Vizier’s popularity soared in the wake of his responsible handling of the explosion of the GC12 factory in Arrakan and the ensuing constitutional crisis, but now many are expressing concern, with a new poll indicating 57% would like to see “some or considerably more cackling”, 62% feeling his eyebrows could be more arched, and a whopping 79% saying they were disappointed that he was not foisting himself upon one of the Sultan’s daughters. “Grand Viziers should be unrepentantly vicious, sadistic, Machiavellian bastards, thwarted only by their insane frenzy to grasp power in only the most overly complex and diabolically evil manner,” said one respondent. “I’m worried our one has gone soft.”

IN OTHER NEWS:

Supreme Allied Commander named (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=344) --- Today Her Imperial Hotness Co-Empress Jhessan announced that her intelligence advisor Colonel Nicole Fury (http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f235/HoratioSulla/shirow/Col_Nicole_Fury.jpg) would be appointed Supreme Allied Commander of the AAA. According to Jhessan: "Colonel Fury has served the Palentine nation and the armed forces in a stellar manner. She will be an excellent leader for the region." Region eagerly anticipates wet-shirt contest between the co-empress and the newly appointed commander.

State Dept.: Kenny-Karmicarian relations remain 'spankingly delicious' (http://s11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=329) --- Despite Karmicaria's departure from the region, queendom still manages to con Federal Republic into letting it keep its positions on regional government; President Fernanda renews subscription to Karmicarian Callgirls Weekly; "Queen Bitch" grants rare TV interview (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=329&view=findpost&p=6390734); bad sex jokes still the standard currency of Kenny-Karmicarian diplomacy.

Queeny backs off! (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=341) --- Whilst the knocked-up Karmicarian queen takes a well-deserved respite to, in one official's words, "pay homage to the porcelain deity," king's office bitches and moans (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=341&view=findpost&p=6409588) about her proposed temporary replacement, and Eminem is detained by Stripper Commandos, awaiting summary death sentence for violating apparent ex post facto law.

GREAT SCOTT!!! Science run amuck!!! (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=343) --- More Scientific Madness from the Palentine's Mad Scientists: Minmoth successfully engineered; no word yet on new species' profanitory prowess.

Lois-Must-Die

21-02-2007, 23:34

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/9666/polarpicayuneheaderto4.gif (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showforum=20)
News from the Antarctic Oasis (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis) region _۩_ 21 February 2006

Co-Empress Jhessan follows DEN's lead, invades Malibu

http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f235/HoratioSulla/shirow/japanesque-04.jpg
Spectacular blooms are said to be in season this month
in Malibu Islands (the cherry blossoms aren't bad, either).

THE 'BURGH (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=348), The Palentine -- Sources from inside the Imperial Palace have reported that Co-Empress Jhessan Spaulding has peacefully annexed some land in the Southern Malibu Islands in order to build a vacation villa.

Unlike other nations, however, Her Imperial Hotness needed no military help in convincing the natives to turn over their land to her. Apparently she and a few well endowed friends showed up wearing very reveiling microbikinis, leaving the natives so awestruck that, in order to make sure she'd come back often, offered to give her the island. Empress Jhessan accepted, and within hours, the Palentine government was building a very nice villa.

Fem-libbers and members of the very small opposition party in the Palentine were outraged by "the blatant, imperialistic and degrading spectacle the Empress made." However, the majority of male citizens were said to be looking for ways to travel to the new Palentine outpost the next time Her Imperial Hotness takes a vacation.

(Transcript of a televised Press conference at the Imperial Palace)

Empress Jhessan, is standing behind a podium in the Press room of the Imperial Palace. Beside her, stands the Prime Minister Lord Julius, and of course her bodyguard Major Clarissa Gunns. Jhess gives the assembled reporters a look most unplesant, the she begins.

Jhessan: Well you naysaying nabobs of negatism, I guess I'll not get any peace until I answer your questions, so have at it.

Reporter 1: Biff Bifferson of the Daily Flatulence, Your Hottness. What do you say to those who claim you made a public spectacle of yourself in Southern Malibu?

Jhessan: I made no "spectacle," Biff. It was a quick trip to congratulate my Intellegence Chief on her promotion (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=344) to Supreme Allied Commander.

Female reporter 1: Your magesty, it's been reported that you and your party wore skimpy swimsuits.

Jhessan: Well, duh! Southern Malibu is kinda tropical. What was I supposed to wear, a burkah?

Reporter 2: It's been said that you coerced the natives into giving up their land.

Jhessan: No coercion was used. All we did was play some beach volleyball. The natives were so impressed with our form that they gladly gave us the land.

Female Reporter 2: How do you answer the charges that some of the opposition party is going to call Senate hearings over your display of imperialism?

Jhessan: Giggle! Chortle! Tee Hee!!! Guffaw!!! *at this point the Empress collapses on the podium laughing* Sorry about that... giggle... *she wipes some tears from her eyes* ...you should go into comedy; I haven't had a good laugh like that for awhile. What am I going to do...? Absolutely nothing. I'm in charge here. As if I had to remind you, the Senate has no power whatsoever.

Reporter 3: Your Hottness. Do you have any regrets about the incident?

Jhessan: Only that President Fernanda wasn't vacationing in Tiki Taki at the time. He would have been a fun addition to the excursion. Rawr!

*the female reporters cheer that last remark*

PINA multi-nation poll finds mixed reactions to Fernanda's leadership

PARADISE CITY, K.M.D., OMGTKK -- An Ariddian news poll (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=516430) on the international popularity of world leaders has placed Allech-Atreus XVI first among Kennyite respondents, with Ariddia's Prime Secretary Whatsherface not surprisingly polling very poorly by comparison, scoring last. President Fernanda, meanwhile, seems to enjoy mixed reviews among foreigners.

The Public International News Ariddia (PINA) survey, conducted in numerous notable powers around the NS world, found that the Allech-Atreus emperor was the most popular of 17 national leaders, garnering a 40-percent approval rating. Ariddia's communist prime secretary polled only 9-percent approval, with 69 percent indicating they disapproved of her.

http://sergio.absoluteelsewhere.net/SergioGraphics/sergio_cut.jpg
President Fernanda's recent state visit to Ausserland
wasn't a complete disaster; you should see the other guy.
(But damn, them gnomes sure know how to fight dirty!)
An international poll found Fernanda relatively liked in OMGTKK,
Pacitalia and Sarzonia, but hated pretty much everywhere else.

Analysts attributed the two leaders' converse ratings not so much to public opinion about the actual leaders but rather to Kennyite perceptions of their respective nations' UN policies.

Kennyites gave Fernanda a 54-percent approval rating, a drop in his usual national popularity score to be sure. Some OMGTKK scholars noted however that PINA and Clark's survey methods didn't exactly comport with common Kennyite perceptions of "scientifically accurate data," as demonstrated in a Paradise City Town Crier survey report (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=168) from last fall.

The rating of his own citizens was Fernanda's highest in the international poll, though Pacitalia and Sarzonia also gave him relatively high marks. Ariddians, Knootians, Errinunderans (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12174247&postcount=7), Sanandrianese and Kelssekans were not so kind. But most in the Federal Republic don't give a rat's ass what some scummy foreigners think of them or their leaders, so the results did not meet with much interest locally.

more ... (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=359)

IN OTHER NEWS:

Treasury Dept. publicly apologizes to queendom (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=375) --- As details of the death of the king and queen of Karmicaria leak out, the Federal Republic admits defiance in disclosing classified information finding the OMGTKK treasury secretary-turned-king acted in direct contravention to UN Resolution #168 (www.nationstates.net/page=UN_past_resolutions/start=167). Karmicaria's reaction: "Meh (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=375&view=findpost&p=6512574)."

Weapons test sinks ship, freaks enemies (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=369) --- Akimonad stages weapons test as witnesses report that the extra-loud explosion heard from the test site was accompanied by heavy fumes and maniacal laughter. Business as usual in Antarctic Oasis.

Gruenberger geeks say w00t -- officially (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=351) --- LOLzOMGzROTfLMaOcOPTeRZ!! Internet nerds say a prestigious language journal's inclusion of Web slang terms is a sign that Gruenberg is moving with the times; the victims of the new attorney general's latest purge (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=374) are inclined to disagree.

Not dead, just hiding (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=378) --- Turns out that commune of creepy cultists in the Antarctic Oasis region didn't commit mass-suicide after all! Embarrassed newsmen around the world are forced to eat their words.

Lois-Must-Die

27-03-2007, 18:08

Lois-Must-Die

22-04-2007, 06:14

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/9666/polarpicayuneheaderto4.gif (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showforum=20)
News from the Antarctic Oasis (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis) region _۩_ 21 April 2007

Allech-Atreus GovGen said to go insane
Vrentiman's disconcerting antics earn him the axe (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=437&view=findpost&p=6637440), Jack Riley's undying respect

http://www.dvdclassicscorner.net/images/AliceinWonderland-masterpieceedition.jpg
An artist's rendition of Governor-General Abert Vrentiman (right), celebrating his
unbirthday with a few friends -- right before being dragged off by men in white jackets.

ALLECH-ATREUS ENCLAVE (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=437) -- Governor-General Abert Vrentiman formally opened his growing Imperial Antarctic Oasis colony to the public yesterday, apparently confusing the heavily defended military base and trading hub for a Walt Disney World.

"With these comically large shears, I formally open the Enclave for our first loving customers!" said the Governor, before waving his arms, giggling like a girl, and running off babbling about riding the "log flume."

Threm Asanilman, the Governor's majordomo, addressed the assembled guests, who had been tricked into thinking it was a pancake breakfast.

"No, there isn't any log flume. There isn't a giant castle. There isn't a Pirates of the Caribbean ride, it would be way too cold to have that here. Yes, I'm sorry that he called all of you here today- from now on his telephone will have a safety lock."

Mr. Asanilman then ordered soldiers to escort all the guests away, with specific orders to take and burn any teddy bears from small children.

The incident renewed speculation about the mental condition of the Governor-General, who in recent days has shown bizzare and unusual behavior. Granted, he was always a bit crazy, but he hardly ever burned his own feces in subway tubes; which is now becoming a daily occurence.

"Aberthas always been a nutjob." said Colonel Hellar Penghaash. "But now it's even worse. Yesterday, he came into my quarters at four in the morning screaming about Manuelo Fernanda trying to kill him with a portable clock-radio. Seriously, who the fuck would appoint a schizoid like him to this important position?"

When reminded that Vrentiman was appointed by the Emperor, Penghaash promptly shot himself.

Vrentiman's public display was marked by another tragedy, the burning of a new factory on one of the adjacent islands to main Enclave facilities. The plant was part of a new economic plan to hone in on Gruenberg's sizeable personal shrine market, but since Wenaists hate other people, it was probably better that it burned.

Vrentiman was not blamed for the fire, but the discovery of a charred set of Mickey Mouse ears put some doubt into his alibi, that he was playing rummy with Theodore Roosevelt, a game he has never played and a person he has never heard of, let alone met.

It is unclear what will happen to the Governor General, who in the past was merely comically insane. However, his usefulness as a plot device was judged to be expended, and the public can be assured that he will be dealt with in a humorous and typically brutal fashion.

In other news, Walt Disney's frozen corpse was discovered in an Enclave bathroom. Police are investigating all leads.

Cobdenia's Blatherstock goes to That Big Pot Noodle Container in the Sky

PORT SIR RICHARD (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=444), Cobdenia -- Major-General Sir Brian Blatherstock, known to everyone as "Pointy" after his habit of pointing to places on battlefields without actually giving any orders, passed away yesterday during a freak cheese grating accident. He was 65.

http://img.search.com/3/34/300px-Philip-chetwode.jpg
Major-General Sir Brian Alexander Montgomery Haig "Pointy"
Blatherstock, KOG, CRC, CGO (retired), served as Cobdenia's defense
attache to the United Nations, as well as master of gender relations (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10517306&postcount=150).

Major-General Blatherstock had a full life, serving in the British Army, the Indian Army and finally the Cobdenian army, in varied places including both Boer Wars, Flanders, Mesopotamia and Egypt, slowly rising through the ranks until his retirement following a ballooning accident, which caused him to loose his sanity. He was immediately retired and made the Defence Attache to the United Nations where he served without merit and got paid, well known for his pot noodle outburst and utter stupidity. Still, he was well beloved by those who served with him before he became a nutcase, with his rousing battlefield speeches and brilliant tactical edge.

Those who served with him after the accident are glad to be rid of what His Exellency Sir Cyril MacLehose-Strangways-Jones III, KCRC LOG, described as "the most incompetent imbecile to speak at the United Nations, excluding those who only make themselves known during abortion debates." He is to be replaced by the Honourable Douglas Carruthers-FitzPewbik, 2nd Lieutenant, 1st Bn, 34th Segrenas Pioneers.

SPECIAL REPORT: Fringe Wenaist sect emigrates en masse

RUFFNO (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=447), Gruenberg -- In a surprising announcement, the Sultan yesterday agreed to demands from the heterodox sect the Ashwindi, allowing them to emigrate en masse. The decision came after weeks of petitioning from the Ashwindi elders, in the context of a split that dates back many centuries. Court insiders had felt the Sultan, under pressure from conservative hardliners in the Viziery, would deny the request, but have also accepted that political expediency increasingly weighed in favour of permitting the exodus.

Despite its zealously enforced immigration restrictions, Gruenberg has traditionally had much fewer prohibitions on emigration, arguing it is more efficient and stabilising to rid themselves of trouble than have to expend police and military resources containing dissidents. This has led to several notable flights from the nation, in particular the mass exodus of Gelziens shortly after the conquest of the Nub, and that of controversial artist Dario Shifnit, whose likeness of Mother Wena, carved from chocolate, proved very popular. But then he like beat up a kid or something.

The number of emigres is thought to be in the region of 10,000, making this considerably the largest group to leave since the Communist departure to the short-lived commune-colony of Grebneurg. They will embark from Ruffno, the nearest port to their traditional home of Ashwanda, aboard a series of large passenger vessels bought in return for their farmlands. Their destination is as yet unknown, but is thought they will attempt to find refuge in the Antarctic Oasis region, to avoid political retribution. Also because we peeked at their map.

But one important question remains.

Whosamafudge?

The Ashwendi are basically a contiguous tribal group; like most others, they are no long a totally distinct ethnic identity, but do retain certain fairly unique cultural practices. They have even adopted a highly dialectical form of Rukialkotta, which they have struggled to retain as younger generations integrate and learn mainstream Rukialkotta, and increasingly English. Most notably, the Ashwendi practice a subtly different form of Wenaism that puts them at divergence with Court orthodoxy.

Although they agree on many matters, such as pilgrimage, the divinity of Mother Wena, and the importance of a belt to a good marriage, and hence have never been classified as heretics, their belief is that Wenaism constitutes a call to isolated, communal, agrarian life, forsaking material luxuries and placing great emphasis on individual contemplation. For many years, this made them at most a slightly quaint relic of times gone by, with no particular conflict, but as Gruenberg has modernised and become more active in the global community, the Ashwendi have become more active in their dissent.

http://www.freejose.com/images/j/jordanmonroe.jpg
Gruenberg Attorney General Lori Jiffjeff reportedly insulted
the Ashwendi emigrants in some way, though we're not quite sure
what she said. We were a little, er, distracted.

They point to Wena's affinity for farmers, especially she shacked up with behind the cow sheds that one time, and the pastoral tone of the Texts. One Ashwendi elder was recently quoted, "When Wena lay in fields of barley, where then was the microprocessor?" No one had the heart to tell the old boy the microprocessor hadn't been invented then, dipshit.

Particular controversy has come with Gruenberg's pursuit of free trade in agriculture. While the Ashwendi, skilled farmers of both animals and crops, had traditionally been self-sufficient, foreign grain prices had begun to undercut their own production, and they then found themselves without access to farm subsidies (which have admittedly been introduced in the past few months). The Court met their pleas for aid with a mixture of sarcastic venom, poorly-understood free market rhetoric, and cries of "look, a ball: go fetch!" The Ashwendi were opposed to diversification, and while Gruenberg's technology and manufacturing markets continue to grow, agriculture has become less of a viable commercial interest.

Thus the Ashwendi's religious views came into increasingly stark contrast with the established order in Gruenberg, and the disagreement over essentially economic arrangements began to highlight previously uninvestigated aspects of cultural disagreement. The Ashwendi are strictly monogamous, adhere rigidly to caste traditions, and allow for relatively easy divorce, but not remarriage. They also love banjo music. Some of these beliefs led Attorney General Lori Jiffjeff to label them "Satan's children" and "the harbingers of the wicked plague of immorality", with Grand Vizier Mikkolic Weltin adding, "Someone remind me to fire her."

The decision to emigrate was taken after the elders met with the community at a series of mass gatherings. Support has not been unanimous, with predictable numbers of the younger generation choosing to stay at home. Asked why he was leaving his parents to remain in Gruenberg, one Ashwendi teenager sobbed brokenly, "If...if I hear one more...one more banjo...oh no...".

What the future holds for the Ashwendi, time will only tell; in any case, the people of Gruenberg will now have to move on, and find some other people with funny beards who they can mock.

To be continued... (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=448)

Never-ending Paradise City riots spread to the hull of Congress

PARADISE CITY --- Partly to assure business as usual in K.M.D.'s Green Zone, and partly to ask "Why should Cobdenia (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=439) have all the fun, anyway?", the Federal Assembly erupted in a dizzying free-for-all Saturday as Conservative UN opponents reacted violently to the passage of Repeal "UN Patent Law," and Liberals in turn attacked them, probably because they were just bored.

As supporters of the administration introduced a bill to register the Federal Republic's official disgust at the UN's latest "communist abomination" by withdrawing from the United Nations (again), pinko UN believers from the Fernanda-hating Pansy-ass Liberal Hippy Treehugger Party reacted by crashing chairs over their opponents' heads.

Other lefties attacked with the most potent weapons in their arsenal: bitching and moaning.

"Pulling our great nation from the UN to protest the repeal of legislation encroaching on generic drug-sellers' rights to steal from evil corporations constitutes an unconscionable attack on the poor," claimed Assemblywoman Candice Regalia, L-Fleurdelisia. "And on Cesar Chavez's birthday, too!!"

Assemblymen saucily replied by asking who "this Cesar Chavez person" was, but they were only pelted with wingtips and told to stop being meta-geeks for their trouble.

Assembly right-wingers, meanwhile, sought to avenge victims of the chair-crashings (who were swiftly wheeled out of the chamber on gurneys) by firing Bazookas in the general direction of the Liberal benches, only missing their targets completely and watching in horror as their rounds crashed through windows and hit the Executive Plaza just across the street.

http://in.yimg.com/xp/reuters_ids_new/20040915/3758325806.jpg
Scuffles break out on the floor of the Federal Assembly after Conservatives
introduce a bill to withdraw the Federal Republic from the United Nations. The
bill would be one of the many casualties of the congressional riots.

"It's a damn shame them hippy scumbags had to spoil our fun and forced us to retaliate," said Keith Barclay, C-Chocolate Salty Is., a chief sponsor of the UN-pullout bill. "We never intended to inflict such heavy collateral damage on our friends in the administration, but sometimes people have to take one for the team! Yeehaw!"

Fortunately for "the team," no one important was injured or killed as the Bazooka rounds struck 10 Frowning Street, although President Fernanda did see a particularly productive "workout session" interrupted as quick-thinking Secret Service agents spirited him stark naked from his sleeping quarters to a secure underground bunker.

His "fitness instructor," however, was not so lucky. In lieu of flowers, family members ask that donations be sent on her behalf to Karmicarian Callgirls Unlimited, c/o Karmicarian Burlesque (www.nationstates.net/karmicarian_burlesque).

Fernanda responded to the Assembly's latest stunt by angrily announcing the dissolution of Congress. Only excessive nitpickers in the Frowning Street Counsel's Office informed him that such an act would be unconstitutional, so Fernanda hit back by announcing the dissolution of the Constitution. This only elicited accusations that the president was "a fucking poser (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=201)," however, so nearly everyone in the administration resolved to ignore the incident and get fucking drunk.

The congressional brawl continued unabated while Conservatives considered watering down their bill to resign from the UN to a nonbinding resolution simply condemning the repeal, and possibly cutting off all economic and diplomatic ties with the Communist Sanctum of Kelssek. Except that the Federal Republic doesn't maintain any ties, economic, diplomatic or otherwise, with Kelssek, so the whole proposal would be moot, and a blatant rip of similar threats lodged by repeal opponents in the UN General Assembly.

The two sides eventually compromised on a bill denouncing the Kelssekans as "enemies of free trade," among other things. It passed on a voice-vote.

Lois-Must-Die

04-07-2007, 21:24

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/9666/polarpicayuneheaderto4.gif (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showforum=20)
News from the Antarctic Oasis (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis) region _۩_ 4 July 2007

Kennyites forget lessons from history (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12150608&postcount=33), plan elections
Doctors determine Destructor's speech freak-out (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=532&view=findpost&p=6843321) actually a sign of improving mental health

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/199/497392219_bcb75b3d99.jpg
Kennyites stand around stupidly (hey, whaddya expect?) as a fireworks cache
unexpectantly explodes during a nighttime campaign rally for Assembly Speaker
Susannah Batko-Yovino, C-Xt'Kalifia. 23 were injured.

PARADISE CITY (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=532) --- That's right, folks! A recent Paradise City Town Crier poll shows that 63 percent of registered Kennyite voters would rather gouge out their eyes with rusty metal chopsticks than even think about the upcoming midterm elections and the impending barrage of televised campaign commercials this summer. But this is down from 67 percent in March! Clearly the stage has been set for Election Season in the Federal Republic. Yay.

Up for grabs this September: all 750 Federal Assembly seats and control of nine state delegations in the Federal Senate. Last time we checked, President Fernanda's God-fearing Freedom-loving Conservative Patriots held 412 Assembly seats and controlled 14 Senate delegations. Conservatives are expected to suffer steep losses, as Fernanda's popularity has slipped from the high it enjoyed last summer, when the UN passed essential anti-terror legislation and the region adopted a mutual-defense treaty.

Now a perception of lack of progress in the War on Terror and a general feeling of cynicism toward the government grips the public. The opposition Pansy-ass Liberal Hippy Treehugger Party has done well to capitalize on such sentiments, while seemingly lending credence to former Assemblywoman Shirley Jackson's "crackpot" views (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10775741&postcount=58) that Fernanda and his administration have actively and passively undermined national security.

Liberals accuse Fernanda of appointing both a wannabe "insurgent" (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Susa_Batko-Yovino) and a traitorous terrorist conspirator (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Charlie_Valentine) to his cabinet, shacking up (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11906021&postcount=190) with a woman suspected of espionage (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=121&view=findpost&p=4263600) against the Federal Republic (and now posing as a foreign "ambassador"), habitual carelessness (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10860316&postcount=19) over national security secrets, and allowing foreign diplomats access to OMGTKK's secret UN portal (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=519&view=findpost&p=6799714).

"It all boils down to his complete lack of self-control," said Liberal party activist Cathy Jiminez-Grant. "I mean, I can't open a newspaper without being bombarded by stories of the Destructor skinnydipping and playing strip-poker (with actual strippers) at the executive residence! It's disgusting!"

"Fernanda's playing strip-poker and skinnydipping with strippers? Then what the fuck am I doing hanging around this dump?" demanded Prof. Bob Grant, Jiminez-Grant's husband, as he got into his swim-trunks.

"You know, you won't actually be able to skinnydip in Fernanda's pool!" cried Jiminez-Grant after her spouse as he slammed the door behind him. "Dumbass Kennyites made it an outdoor pool, and it just freezes over in the Antarctic!"

The president's racy extracurriculars have even prompted the militant morality mavens of KOP-a-FEEL (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/KOP-a-FEEL) to flirt with Liberal politics this election season, as the national organization considers throwing its support behind numerous Liberal congressional candidates, provided, of course, that they support a ban on same-sex marriage.

"If it means taking down that overgrown fraternity pervert posing as Commander in Chief, we'll get in bed with anyone!" said KOP-a-FEEL national treasurer Maude Flibble. "Figuratively speaking, of course!" she quickly added. "Fornication is naughty."

As a result of the straying of the Conservatives' traditional base, Conservative incumbents in moderate districts all across the nation are finding themselves in dire straits.

"I've stopped reading the polls," lamented Assemblyman Chuck Beamer, C-Kennsylvania. "At this point reading the want-ads would be far more productive."

Liberals are at least 5-10 points ahead of their Conservative rivals in national surveys, but with three quarters of the electorate either undecided or unsure on whether they'll actually vote, turnout is expected to play a key role, as in any close election.

Battling voter apathy has become a top concern for many candidates. "Every campaign stop I make, I feel like taking my top off, just to inject some excitement into this race!" said Assembly Speaker (and shameless exhibitionst) Susannah Batko-Yovino, C-Xt'Kalifia. "And besides, I have really nice boobs; no sense holding them in!"

Political speeches have become so typically drab and boring, therapists at sleep clinics have started issuing invites to candidates to speak in their insomnia wards.

"The people of this great nation are taking their freedoms for granted. They need to realize that the course this nation takes for the remainder of the president's term rides on their commitment to democracy and making their voices heard," said Sen. John Thorne to a room of drowsy insomniacs, who were quickly cured.

Other issues have managed to creep into the race, such as "tax breaks" for the wealthy, suspicions over how the government could possibly be spending TRFD$25 trillion a year (and still have $1.3 trillion left over) when the government doesn't even collect taxes to begin with, sluggish progress in the War on Terror, and accusations that key targets in the war (such as Thessadoria and Tiki Taki) have had few actual connections to al-Jharad and other international terror groups.

"These things should be sending off alarm bells in the minds of voters," said Sen. Evan Westerner, L-Loch Ness, on the campaign trail recently. "How can the government be spending money it doesn't have to fund a costly war with so little progress or justification? Show me the evidence that the Thessadorians were actually hiding illicit weapons caches in their busts! Show me! Sure, their jugs are big enough that they could be hiding most anything in there, but still, where's the evidence?!"

"Tax cuts? Suspicious funds? Unjustified wars? Quagmires? Who cares?!" replied Batko-Yovino. "Voters should be paying attention to the issues that really matter, like how round and firm my breasts are! Seriously, people have written sonnets about them!"

Recruiting popular candidates has been mostly a bust this year, on both sides. In Kennsylvania, retired Gen. Casey Johnson, who criticized Fernanda's war efforts before being quickly shown the door last year, bowed out of a bid to challenge Conservative Sen. Pete Santeria. Meanwhile, on Colorado Island, both Conservatives and Liberals scrambled to land strong candidates to compete for an open Assembly seat being vacated by long-serving Tom Sterling.

The Liberals failed to convince young environmental activist Tim Conway to run, while Conservatives faltered in their bid for car-alarm billionaire Darren Issa and settled instead on used-car salesman Barney Beelzebub ("Our Deals Are So Unbelievable, It's Like Selling Your Soul to the Devil!"), who may not know the first thing about politics, but does sport a charming rug, and trophy wife. Beelzebub is slated to win in the moderate district.

Fernanda was going to shoot a commercial for him, but was easily distracted by the spectacle of Speaker Batko-Yovino flashing the cameras in the studio nextdoor.

Gruenberg authorities discover dirty 'filthy' bomb

FLURTHWEL (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=539), Gruenberg --- The nation's capital wake up to a cold, grey morning today, but the dull aura surrounding its citizens was not the everpresent fog that clouds the busy docks, nor the toxic fumes wafting from the industrial sector. Well, ok, it was both of those, but also something else, smartarse. It was...fear, as it was announced that during the early hours of the morning police had intercepted and successfully defused a dirty bomb. When asked to describe the suspect device, discovered in an alleyway in the Meathook District, Explosive Ordnance Disposal Division spokesman Errol Panderbar said: "It is clearly a bomb, of potentially large yield...and it is really, really dirty."

Police were first alerted when two guys nipped into a secluded alleyway. The first guy said, "My, that's a large package."

*RIMSHOT*

The second guy said, "Yes, yes it is: would you like me to open it?" The first guy then said, "No, I'm worried it might explode." The second guy, disappointedly, replied, "Oh, I thought you were talking about my penis."

The first guy then said he was.

*RIMSHOT, CYMBAL CRASH*

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/114/297090847_40ecee6fa2.jpg
The urban heroes who discovered the unexploded bomb in Flruthwel later infected their girlfriends with syphilis.

After alerting the police, they left to find somewhere to continue their deviant antics with less likelihood of being nailbombed - steering well clear of the Viziery, therefore - and shortly afterwards, the device was identified as a crude and assuredly homemade explosive device, presumably to be moved to a final location later that night. What struck the officers who disarmed it most, though, was its abject condition.

"This isn't just a dirty bomb, it's a filthy bomb," said Sergeant Chug Iafatz. "I mean, look at this soldering: it's all blobby and yellow. These wires are completely the wrong way round and the coating's been stripped off really messily. And it's so dusty, look! I bet they haven't swept these gas cylinders in weeks. Whoever made this really needs to take better care of their deadly creations."

The bomb is believed to be the handiwork of radical new insurgent faction People For The Liberation Of Lori Jiffjeff's Front, who embarrassedly admitted in a statement to the GBC that they had played a role in the creation of the bomb. However, their spokesman insisted that "It wasn't like that the last time I saw it" and that he had "no idea" how it had got muddy footprints all over it.

Other terrorist groups were quick to distance themselves from and roundly mock the amateurish attempt at mass destruction. "What rusty nails! Do these people take no pride in their work?" laughed Red Goat Of Blackness leader Massid Himpy, while the Gelzien Liberation Front released a statement castigating the PFTLOLJF for their "lack of dedication" before offering to lend them this vacuum cleaner extension thing which really gets muck out of the cracks.

The Sultan himself addressed the nation to calm fears, assuring everyone that the situation was under control, that those suspected were already being hunted down - they left chocolate-covered fingerprints and coffee mug stains all over the package - and that police powers were being expanded to deal with the threat and enact yet greater infringements on basic civil liberties. Grand Vizier Mikkolic Weltin later instructed people to "forget about that last bit" before shouting, "Look, an eagle!" We stared for five minutes, but evidently the majestic bird had already flown away.

Cobdenia unveils secret cloning program

NEW HAILSHAM (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=478), Cobdenia --- The Cobdenian government today admitted that it has for some time been secretly cloning prominent officials just for the sheer hell of it. Rumours had been flying around for some time after someone noticed a remarkable similarity between the Governor-General (http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a188/kuroutesshin/uniform1.jpg), the Cobdenian military attache (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v335/JimRad-Mac/PIC_0076.jpg) to the UN, and the naval assistant (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v335/JimRad-Mac/summersailorbw.jpg) to the UN.

"These clones are going to a breakthrough! Lot's of people looking like one another, walking around -- you'd never believe it! To think, that the Governor-General will have all these clones, making him far safer from the Chechnyan terrorists then the last Governor-General," said Professor Pongo-Pongo. When asked what other application these clones had, apart from gubernatorial protection, he answered "Well, erm. There isn't much point. It does mean that we no longer have to have sex to reproduce, which is a good thing. If I'm not getting any, I don't see why anyone else bloody well should. So nya!" We then went on to enquire as to the technology behind the cloning, somewhat confused as Cobdenia hasn't discovered DNA, and has a population largely ignorant as to the origins of babies.

"Well, first we suspend the individual in a special liquid called Ditutetamine Brohohide, which is heated and mixed with curry powder, bitumin and Dr. Pepper to form an Orange gooey substance known as 'The Orange Gooey Substance'. This is connected to a nine volt battery, which is in turn wired to the mains. We use AC/DC because it's heavy metal. Suspended above the orange goo is a giant hoover hose, which sucks the orange gooey substance into a complicated machine known as the Autoclone. This is a large machine consisting of a complicated array of valves, pistols and marbles, connected to a large steam engine fired by 17 grisled stokes. And once it's gone through that, 'poof'! You have a clone."

Allech-Atreus returns to international stage
Nation had been seldom heard from since experimental disaster (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=493)

IMPERIA PRIME (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=545), Allech-Atreus --- Imperial News Agency officials are reporting today that the Empire is replacing its UN delegation, and reworking political appointees in the international arena, after a long decline and absence in international politics.

"In all honesty, we had better things to do." said Rijnir Keihanjir, a government spokesman. "There was that big game a few weeks back, and Mike in accounting's cousin got married last Tuesday... the whole "diplomacy" and "administering our overseas interests" thing kinda got away from us."

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a188/kuroutesshin/gackt.jpg
Prince Theran reacts to news that his close personal friend Tang had been
recalled as the empire's ambassador to the United Nations. (And yes, that is a dude.)

The inexplicable disappearance of the Allech-Atreus delegation from the United Nations resulted in a great degeneration in Imperial foreign policy, and information coming from the huge Empire was sparse and vague. The only contact Imperial officials had with the outside world was in the tiny Enclave in the Antarctic Oasis, and even then only between illegal seal hunters, penguin smugglers, and the Imperial officials pushing their contraband.

The Citadel has announced a new UN delegation, retiring Amb. Prince Tang, and pulling back his assistants. "We just felt that we needed another cheap plot trick to explain away our lack of involvement," Keihanjir explained. "I mean, no one really remembers our delegates anyway, what with that punk-ass Faisano and tight-ass Benson always gobbling up the limelight. But, we're back, bitches!" The spokesman concluded the conference by refusing to take questions, straddling the podium, and screaming "suck it!" at the top of his lungs.

And now, we end this poorly conceived article that attempts to explain away the laziness of the author. Good night, and go fuck yourself.

CM Empire defies recently instituted UN legislation

NIFLHEIM, Complete Malevolence --- With the UN's passage of the Unnecessary Animal Cruelty (www.nationstates.net/page=UN_past_resolutions/start=214) resolution, representatives from the Malevolent Foreign and Interior ministries announced the government's planned response. An excerpt from the press conference follows:

"Regrettably the resolution will require that our neighboring state of Partial Malevolence close its Colosseum and no longer hold events there as most would violate this resolution. While I'm sure that this will upset many of our citizens as such games have long been a popular vacation destination, the games in our own nation's stadiums will continue.

"However the Empire does feel that it should do something to protest this travesty. As such the Emperor has decreed that starting tomorrow there will be a weeklong national holiday. The reason for this is so that our citizens will be free to attend the week long games that will take place both here at the Capital City Stadium and at the stadiums in all six of the duchies.

http://test256.free.fr/UN%20Cards/gnomes7yy.jpg
No word yet on whether the UN gnomes will be included in the announced Malevolent games.

"As the games are being paid for in full by the emperor no expense has been spared. Animals from around the world are being brought into the country as we speak, and all the finest fighters in the empire have been invited to take part, and for the culmination of the games it has been decided that the winner of the grand mêlée will face in single combat a rare venomous black dragon that was captured recently in the mountains of Nidavellir. I promise you that the floors of our stadiums will run red with rivers of blood. Now I'll allow this fine gentleman from the Foreign Ministry to address the arrangements that have been made for the citizens of our sister state Partial Malevolence."

"Thank You. The Foreign Ministry is happy to announce that it has prepared temporary seven-day visas for all 655 million citizens. Accommodations will obviously be tight but any and all are welcome to take advantage of the opportunity to attend the games. Additionally from this day forward the foreign ministry has established a new entertainment visa. Any citizen of our two sister nations may apply for such a visa so that they may attend games in the empire. No one will ever be turned down. Also representatives and citizens of all other nations in the region are also welcome to attend the games we toughly encourage you to come and enjoy the bloodshed."

Lois-Must-Die

16-10-2007, 20:18

... when it's used for a roleplay newspaper!

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/9666/polarpicayuneheaderto4.gif (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showforum=20)
News from the Antarctic Oasis (s11.invisionfree.com/antarctic_oasis) region _۩_ 16 Oct 2007

High Holy Heir takes to the High Holy Air
'Totally Jiji' to feature Princess Jianna, fun, fashion, skimpy outfits, racial slurs

http://www.getonmyspace.com/Images/Female_Celebrities/Elisha_Cuthbert/images/Sexy_Elisha_Cuthbert_127.jpg
Princess Jianna chats with reporters about her upcoming reality show,
her status as third hottest (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=614) chick in the region, and why she refuses
to go out with Chechen guys: "They're just hairy and gross-looking!"

FLURTHWEL (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=606), Gruenberg --- Princess Jianna Woltzten is to be the star of her own reality TV show, "Totally Jiji," TV channel GruenTV announced today.

More popular with teenagers and young adults than the traditional GBC Channels One and Two, GruenTV has been one of the most explosively successful of the new media outlets capitalising on relaxation of censorship. While critics have pointed with concern to the low quality of programming, incessant advertising, and the use of subliminal messages such as "Vote for the Monarchists or we will kill your family" to court political points with the administration, its viewing figures have shot through the roof as its distribution network has expanded.

"Totally Jiji" is expected to add to the network's successes. Princess Jianna is one of the nation's most notable celebrities, and program producer Ulrich Lars expects "very little staging" will be required to meet the required quota of rampant drug abuse, excessive profanity, and random sex and nudity.

His Holiness Grand Sultan Gardab Woltzen IX was initially implacably opposed to the project, but now says it is probably the only opportunity he will get to see his daughter as "she never visits anymore...they're all grown up, and I'm left here, alone, in the dark...so alone..."

Grand Vizier Mikkolic Weltin has spoken with concern that the program may debase the royal image, but Princess Jianna, somewhat disturbingly, pointed out that the life expectancy of the first child of a recently deceased monarch is 42.6 seconds and that she "may as well enjoy it while daddy's ticker still holds out".

The program will be shot at several locations - the Palace, Jianna's private residences in Flurthwel and Merlefurt, and her foreign resorts in El Caminos in Texas and Malibu Islands - as well as on location, wherever her coke-addled antics take her. Unusually for a reality TV show the production costs are expected to be high - certainly enough to feed every child in Gruenberg for a year, laughed Lars, as he demolished an orphanage to make way for the show's sound stage.

Princess Jianna recently recovered from a furore over alleged racist comments. She has dismissed the affair as "hot air about a hot Heir", adding, "All I said was, it's a pity Sammy Faisano is quarter-Gelzien, because otherwise he'd be kinda cute."

Susa confirmed as ambassador in controversial vote

PARADISE CITY (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=602&view=findpost&p=7005834), OMGTKK --- The lame-duck Conservative majority in the Senate railroaded through former Treasury Secretary Susa Batko-Yovino's unexpected nomination as UN ambassador in an early-morning vote last month, completing the Fernanda Administration's reorganization (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=602) of the Federal Republic's UN mission but leaving Liberals demanding blood.

The previously unannounced 3 a.m. vote, orchestrated by President Fernanda's congressional allies, is considered a slap in the face to the incoming Liberal majority, which is seeking greater oversight over administration nominations as it assumes control of the upper chamber of Congress this fall. Most Liberal senators -- that is to say, all of them -- had no idea a vote was even taking place until after it had finished.

"None of the Liberal senators had prior notice of this," claimed a senior senatorial aid. "Needless to say, pulling a stunt like this in the dead of night is a despicable, shameful act and demands an investigation."

Conservative leaders, however, claim they did send out e-mails announcing the vote, and it wasn't their fault Liberals refused to open messages marked "FREE VIAGRA MORTGAGE LOANS ASIAN PUSSY$$$." "The information was all in there," said Sen. Jud Wentland, C-Thorland. "And if their staff had bothered reading all their business e-mails, which is part of their job, they would have seen it. It's on them, not us."

http://images.sportinglife.com/06/12/330/AmirKhan_183322.jpg
Former King of Karmicaria Susa Batko-Yovino reacts to news that
he's been confirmed as UN ambassador. (And don't he look thrilled?)

Liberal leaders, however, seemed to want to diminish the embarrassment at being fucked over so royally (dig the pun) on a key confirmation vote. "We did know about it," claimed former president and current Senate Minority Leader John Thorne. "We just didn't want to go ... out of protest. Yeah, that's it! ... Bastards."

Others say the Conservatives just wanted to push through a controversial nominee without having to listen to lengthy speeches of protest from the minority, or deal with unwanted procedural delays.

Senators on the opposing side of the aisle were torn on Batko-Yovino's nod as ambassador: on the one hand, he's a Fernanda crony who despises the United Nations almost as much as his friend at 10 Frowning Street; but on the other hand, he's a suspected terrorist, so naturally Liberals would fall all over themselves trying to suck up to him.

His nomination is viewed by many as an end-run around Liberal objections to the mission's combative security attache Cdr. Jenny Chiang, who until Tuesday morning ran the mission as acting head of mission on a recess appointment. Several prominent minority leaders had expressed serious concerns about Chiang's attitude on the floor, and her rumored extracurricular activities -- yet now, as deputy ambassador, she will not be subject to the confirmation process, and will continue to run the show, with Batko-Yovino as a propped up stooge.

"The Kennyite people voted for change last week," said Sen. Cruesha Ville-de-Lan, L-Graham Land, "and what is the Conservatives' response? To shut out all dissenting voices so they can ignore the voice of the people like they've always done."

Assorted aids to Liberal senators said their bosses were considering filing an objection with the Senate clerk's office, but any ruling from the presiding officer would only be upheld by the Conservatives now in the majority. So it appears Kennyite corruption wins the day, and the incoming majority will just have to live with it.

As for Batko-Yovino, when informed at UN Headquarters of the lopsided confirmation vote, he simply shrugged and muttered something about "banging ho's" before wandering upstairs to his "office" in Tony's Palace Casino on the 28th floor.

Come visit Snefaldia!

MAHAVISJAYA (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=615), Snefaldia --- Snefaldians were overjoyed at a recent United Nations "Best Regional Weather" report, which ranked their nation at #7, just after North Jenstown and before Frugal Proletariats. This accomplishment contrasts with previous UN reports, where the country has routinely ranked in the thirties or below.

"I am extremely happy to see that our constant vigilance in maintaining the environmental beauty and meteorological uniqueness of the nation has been brought to the fore," said Talisker Benjamin, spokesman for the Snefaldian Tourism Ministry. "This is a confirmation of what our offices have been saying all along -- that Snefaldia is a great place to visit, whether you're catching the rays in Taxilha or the powder in north Sring Issa."

http://photoshopnews.com/stories/images/ANT07/pano-16-sm.jpg
Snefaldia claims its weather is among the best on the continent: only half of men's dicks freeze off inside a week.

In conjunction with the report, the Tourism Ministry has released a new tourism campaign, with the slogan "Snefaldia: Spend a day, a week, a lifetime!" The campaign is intended to capitalize on the UN rankings and bring more foreign spenders into the country.

"This is truly a great achievement for the policies of the our Tuhran Bel," said Artembares Jovik, spokesman for Lord High Chancellor William Kellerman. "Adhering to the conservationist principles laid out in the Amershaman Medrahov have blessed out nation with fantastic weather, and none of the horrendous air pollution one finds in other nations. It is the wish of the Bel that foreign peoples come to the Four Mountain Lands and see for themselves the great beauty of our nation."

Many reacted with happiness to Jovik's use of the term "Four Mountain Lands," an old poetic device made famous by the Bajeong poet Yun Xi when he described the natural beauty of Snefaldia.

"This can only be good for Snefaldia. It's just wonderful that I can take my children out to the park and not have to worry about acid rain or air pollution," beamed Mria Nak, a housewife and mother of three. "It makes me so glad the ancestors have blessed us with such fine politicians."

Jeniac ambassador suffers heart attack

ROCCIA LUCIDA (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=630), South Jenstown --- Mikey Mao, the "Jeniac" ambassador to Antarctic Oasis, suffered a heart attack recently at his office in Roccia Lucida and had to be rushed to Casa Pazzesca Hospital.

Questions had been raised for months over the competency of Ambassador Mao and this latest incident will only increase these concerns.

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/3/33/200px-MrsPommelhorse.png
Will Mao's condition finally spell an ambassadorial
nod for gym teacher Big Bertha? (Yikes.)

Rumors have been flying ever since his appointment to the position that the only reason CEO Pedro Ramirez appointed the 84-year-old hot dog vendor to the position was because it was either him or Big Bertha, the gym teacher from Il Mezzo del Nulla.

Members of the Board of Directors were unavailable for comment, but, the Conglomerate’s Public Relations Director, Bobby Phillips, had this to say: "Ambassador Mao has the Board’s full support as our regional ambassador, and those rumors about his appointment are completely unfounded."

Casa Pazzesca Hospital still has Ambassador Mao listed in critical condition, but doctors expect his condition to improve over the next few days.

It is uncertain as to when Ambassador Mao will completely recover or if he will resume his post as regional ambassador.

CM celebrates 455th anniversary

NIFLHEIM (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=613), Complete Malevolence --- The Empire ground to a virtual halt as the massive three-day party that is Unification Day began at exactly midnight on Sept. 12. As readers are probably aware, the day celebrates the establishment of the Empire and the coronation of our first Emperor exactly four hundred and fifty-five years ago today.

As it is one of only three official holidays the next three days are expected as usual to be a party of truly epic proportions. There was plenty of alcohol and entertainment for everyone.

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/0/08/250px-MardiGrasFanGal04.jpg
A Niflheim Unification Day reveler brought a few fans along to battle the heat.

All the major cities hosted their own celebrations but as we all know the capital is the heart of the festivities. Here in the capital a massive military parade is planned with representatives from all branches of the military.

There were also firework displays all three nights. Finally and most importantly though, the Emperor agreed to provide free alcohol throughout the capital from sunset to midnight during this first day of the party.

Lois-Must-Die

08-12-2007, 02:47

SPECIAL EDITION

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/9666/polarpicayuneheaderto4.gif (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showforum=20)
News from the Antarctic Oasis (s11.invisionfree.com/antarctic_oasis) region _۩_ 7 Dec 2007

Palentine hosts 5th AO delegate contest

http://agualisa5.blogs.sapo.pt/arquivo/groucho-marx.jpg
Lord Julius Marx, prime minister of The Palentine and host
of "Keeping Up with Julius (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=678)," was sure to tell all candidates
beforehand that whoever they were, he was against them.

THE 'BURGH (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=677) --- An unprecedented seven nations are contending for the regional delegacy on Lord Julius' reality show, with candidates agreeing to compete on behalf of their governments for the top prize. The announced contestants include various UN diplomats, a former Karmicarian king, and a defenestrating zombie lunatic.

Lord Julius this month agreed to turn his previously scheduled program, "Keeping Up with Julius (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=678)," into a smackdown for the delegacy, with the contenders taking turns at completing various diplomatic and physical tasks and sucking up to the imperial premier to assure their nation the final victory. The seven candidates will live together for a month in a specially leased 'Burgh townhouse (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=687) for the duration of the contest.

These candidates include Iron Felix of Yelda, a former UN official who made a name for himself when the debate for UN Fair Wage Act turned into a DefenestrationFest; Sintar Maxem of Zarquon Froods, an aid to the Emperor Zarquon; George Willing of Douria, a former vice president of the now-defunct Dourian Confederacy; and Susa Batko-Yovino of the Federal Republic, who has already won a reality "show," when he beat out five other dudes to take Karmicarian Queen Adrienne's hand in marriage.

In the weekend leading up to the reality show's debut, unofficial vice delegate Bloodstone Kay named bad-ass pirate chick Kari Kagrosi (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=677&view=findpost&p=7127940) to compete on its behalf; Quadalingo chose adorable pretty-boy Moonbeam "The" Queen; and Snefaldia, lovable old kook Stamford Fliegengans, who later had to drop out.

Producers and publicists for "Keeping Up" promise the weekly program will be "Crantastically hilarious!"

What follows are the individual news releases from the competing nations, announcing their respective candidates for Lord Julius' contest.

From Snefaldia (www.nationstates.net/snefaldia): Stamford Cuttelthwaite Fliegengans III

SARGEDAIN (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=677&view=findpost&p=7126924), Snefaldia --- The highest national government organ announced today the delegate chosen to represent the Centralized Mountain States in the upcoming regional delegate reality show. According to the Tuhran Bel, they chose the person who could "best represent the face of Snefaldia with dignity, intelligence, strength, and a complete lack of sanity. We have thus decided that noted loon Stamford Cuttelthwaite Fliegengans III, a former dragha ascetic a salaried member of the Ministry of the Exchequer, will be travelling to the Palentine to show Snefaldia's might.

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a188/kuroutesshin/stamford.jpg
If you think Santa Claus has suddenly gone green, near-sighted and fond
of clove cigarettes, then you're probably as crazy as the guy pictured here.

Mr. Fliegengans is well-known in social and educational circles as a completely mad civil servant and scholar, who conducted experiments on his roof with ducks, Elmer's Glue, and copper wiring, claiming he could make the waterfowl "speak in the languages of foreign lands," but was thwarted by the fact he "couldn't get enough ducks." A tax collected for the Minister of the Exchequer, he has no actual duties but is assigned a staff intended to "watch" him. He requires his staff to wear bathing suits to work one day a week; he chooses the day at random to "liven things up."

Fliegengans gained notoriety when he arrived, uninvited, at an exclusive dinner held by the Bel after having ridden three days out of the mountains, and proceeded to take the lectern and speak for three hours about the health aspects of eating pine needles. Since he was a holy man and quite surely insane, the Councillors immediately appointed him to the tax service.

He is expected to contribute only slightly to the mass of insanity that will be this year's delegate race.
From Zarquon Froods (www.nationstates.net/zarquon_froods): Sintar Maxem

ZARQUON CITY (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=677&view=findpost&p=7127174), Zarquon Froods --- Thousands of Froods from around the nation gathered today outside the Emperial Palace for today's announcement of the official candidate for the Antartic Oasis Delegatorial race. In an unprecedented ceremony with hundreds of government officials present and amidst sever hundred more Emperial Guardsmen that Sintar Maxem, Secretary of Interior Broom Closets, would be Zaquon Froods representative in the race.

Sintar is the long appointed aide to Emperor Zarquon. His appointment came earlier this week, and has seen the rise in several varius rumors as to who was appointed. The news itself came as a shock to Sintar, who lost his pants after hearing the news. See picture below. "I have the utmost faith in Sintar's abilities and I'm certain he will serve us well. That is if he can keep his pants on," Emperor Zarquon said of Sintar.

http://a65.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/46/l_6733c7bbabc415af6b5f9507d9e7a540.jpg
Sintar Maxem, who can drop trow with the best of them, is also rumored
to have played Elrond in the LoTR trilogy. Mister Anderson...

Zarquon Froods' entrance into the race came as somewhat of a shock, having only moved to the region within the past month. "Yes, we are new to the region. But, we have the full support of our fellow nations as being a sovereign entity. This race will dhow our political capabilities, and will help to ensure confidence in our neighbors that we are prepared to serve the region," Zarquon added.

Be sure to tune in to "Keeping Up With Julius," and keep rootin' for our number one Frood.
From Quadalingo (www.nationstates.net/quadalingo): Moonbeam "The" Queen

THE KITCHEN (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=677&view=findpost&p=7127355), Quadalingo --- Having realised that all the noise coming from the Quadalingan Parliament every freakin’ night was likely to have irritated the state’s Antarctic Oasis neighbours, overtures came today in the form of the Whatever’s candidate for the regional delegate reality show in The Palentine. First Minister Hargraw elaborated:

"Yeah, we realised we’d been a little rude -- y’know, moving in, saying almost nothing to our neighbours, playing *NSYNC at 120 Decibels all through the first week… We’re sorry about that, honest. No, really. We‘ll stick to Hendrix from now on. But that's not strictly relevant. Here, have a candidate."

http://img510.imageshack.us/img510/6821/teenager1oh6.jpg
Queen, seen here modelling a fetching white background.

With this in mind, Hargraw has chosen to send Moonbeam "The" Queen, long-term friend of the First Minister, Inner Circle aide and former head of the Ministry of the Liquor Cabinet -- the highest court of law in Quadalingo -- to compete for the delegacy.

Known for his eccentric judgments from the Liquor Cabinet, including the landmark "I’ll Have Some of That" ruling of last year -- drinking in a courtroom is only permitted if the drink is shared, thus wholly eliminating inebriated trials -- Queen is probably the sanest candidate yet submitted to the competition.

"Sounds pretty cool," said Queen to reporters. "I'll just check with Mahk that's it's official and-- what do you mean he's decided already? Without telling me? Teetotal jerk!"
From Douria (www.nationstates.net/douria): George Malcolm Willing

DOURIA CITY (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=677&view=findpost&p=7128729), Douria --- The Dourian Press has gotten confirmation from the government foreign ministry that George Malcolm Willing will indeed be taking part in a competition to become delegate of the region. Thomas McRandom had this to say on the outskirts of The Dourian Embassy:

"My fellow Dourians! I ask that you stay by your phones tonight and each night thereafter to ensure that George Willing stays in this competition and indeed wins. He will crush all opposition in the UN and at home as he consolidates our power in the region and the world. Don't quote me on that. Seriously. You, stop writing. I said stop. Stop writing. Don't write that."

http://www.nndb.com/people/632/000108308/nathan-fillion-1-sized.jpg
This caption writer wishes he had seen more of the TV show
"Firefly"; he might have had a good joke to insert here.

George Willing is the former vice president of the Dourian Confederacy, former governor of Kharjackistan and current deputy ambassador to the UN. A source close to the Ambassador has said he will stop at nothing to advance the schemes of his onetime enemy Trey Dreizehn, be it through murder, lies, cheating or smuggling carebears through customs for Kennyites to choke on. George was also quoted as saying "But don't quote me on that."
From Omigodtheykilledkenny (www.nationstates.net/omigodtheykilledkenny): Susa Batko-Yovino

PARADISE CITY (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=677&view=findpost&p=7128754), OMGTKK --- People all over the Federal Republic, Kennyite and Xt'Tapolopaquetl alike, are showing their unwavering support for Amb. Susa Batko-Yovino, OMGTKK's favorite son in this winter's regional delegate smackdown on the Palentine's reality TV show, "Keeping Up with Julius."

The red and yellow flag of the Xt'Tapolopaquetl is being flown nearly everywhere you look in Kennyite towns and cities, even by white folk. Sales for the ambassador's line of athletic clothing are through the roof. Children throughout the nation are purchasing toy boxing gloves with Susa's picture on the box. The Fox Broadcasting Network this month is airing the reality show "Who Wants to Marry a Shrewish Queen and Spend All Her Money?" And customers to the popular new nationwide fast-food chain, Klöllen on a Stick(tm), are being offered "a free kick to the nuts with every order!", in honor of the Nut-Kicker in Chief himself.

All this despite assurances from the State Department that the Xt'Tap pro-boxer and wannabe jihadist (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13039637&postcount=109) is only appearing on Lord Julius' show "for fun," that the Federal Republic has "no intention whatsoever" of retaking the regional delegacy, and that State Department officials "would actively work to sabotage Susa's candidacy, if need be."

http://www.boxnews.com.ua/photos/889/Amir-Khan5.jpg
"Trophy Head" says he's ready to rumble.

Besides -- despite his famous penchant for petty theft and seducing rich chicks to be his "Sugar Mama," his substantial holdings in Karmicarian Callboys/Callgirls Unlimited(tm), and a sort of odd post-nuptial "commitment" to his late wife's sister, Karmicarian President Izzy Bathory -- "Susa's just not corrupt enough to be delegate," claims Treasury Sec. Jimmy Baca.

"Eh, it's always good to get that sleazy bastard out of my hair for at least a month, even if he has no chance in hell," said Batko-Yovino's deputy ambassador, Cdr. Jenny Chiang.

Even so, the remarkably clueless Batko-Yovino, reached by cell phone last week at UN Headquarters, over the lively sounds of a casino in the background, expressed confidence at his chances at winning: "I'm just running against a bunch of nuts, kooks, losers and nobodies anyway," he said. "I think I got a fair shot at beating them all... Damn, what do I gotta do to get a fuckin' cherry in this joint?

"Besides, I've done this shit before," Batko-Yovino continued, referring to the suitor contest he entered last year to take Queen Adrienne's hand. "I managed to beat back another bunch of kooks, nuts and whatnot ... hang on a sec -- What's that? No, I'll tell you when I've gambled enough, fuckface! Now get lost! -- I'm sorry, what was I saying? Oh yeah, the suitor contest. It helped that the only real competition to boink the queen was Lori Jiffjeff's hippy puss-boy brother-in-law, but whatever. This crop of idiots isn't much better. At least this time I won't have to marry a frigid bitch when it's over."
From Iron Felix (www.nationstates.net/iron_felix): Felix Edmundovich Dzerzhinsky

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b106/Yelda/felix08.jpg

http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a118/teddygrahams113/felixspeech.gif

Thessadoria

12-12-2007, 02:59

Bumpity.Second verse, same as the first.

Zarquon Froods

18-12-2007, 05:56

Bumpity, bump bump. Bumpity, bump bump.

Lois-Must-Die

24-01-2008, 18:23

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/9666/polarpicayuneheaderto4.gif (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showforum=20)
News from the Antarctic Oasis (s11.invisionfree.com/antarctic_oasis) region _۩_ 23 Jan 2008

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b106/Yelda/167a4-big.jpg

MR. JONES' WILD RIDE!
'Vice delegate' rampages in Gruenberg, UNHQ, Zarquon Froods

UN HEADQUARTERS --- The newly designated leaders of Antarctic Oasis' UN section have made quite an impression on the region they represent, and the organization in which they were appointed to represent it, since they were named the victors (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=718) of the regional delegate contest (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=678) last month. Of particular note has been the behavior of the Comrade Delegate Dzerzhinsky's second-in-command and loyal companion, Mr. Jones (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=746).

Jones, suspected of involvement in a "terror incident (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=678&view=findpost&p=7156167)" in The Palentine during the contest, has maintained a high profile since his boss was appointed. He dropped in on the Gruenbergers in Flurthwel for the opening of a new franchise for Yelda's chain of fast-food restaurants, Chairman Diřgę's Kenvaldgefþsìorrui Fried Guinea.

The regional official was welcomed (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=637&view=findpost&p=7189939) with a parade in the streets, as the excited people of Gruenberg's capital city made way for the "vice delegate" as he marched, and a heavy presence of city police kept watch to protect him.

Jones later appeared (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13350254&postcount=91) at UN Headquarters to speak in favor of Iron Felix's latest resolution, and to show the members of the General Assembly a new trick he had learned. "Such a good boy!" Dzerzhinsky said of Jones.

It was necessary for Felix to clear a bureaucratic hurdle (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=746&view=findpost&p=7190555) for Mr. Jones to be declared his vice delegate, but for the man who has passed three UN resolutions so far and has already got another to quorum, handling the paperwork to declare Jones a citizen of Zarquon Froods was a cinch.

Already Mr. Dzerzhinsky has presided over the longest streak of at-vote resolutions sponsored by region members in Antarctian history (five so far). One is still at vote, three others have passed -- and were it not for 71 votes from regions not nearly as awesome as Antarctic Oasis, a fourth resolution would have joined them.

Even so, the new delegate, whose former communist associations are somewhat jarring, is suspected of spying on region members. With an army of Destructor Bunnies at his disposal, he is said to operate a secret Antarctic security enclave on behalf of his employer, the Yeldan Committee for State Security.

In response to the allegations, the Committee for State Security denied it existed.

Dzerzhinsky has also accused a top Kennyite diplomat of terrorism. Last month, while dressed as Hitler, the delegate appeared (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=687&view=findpost&p=7169285) in the streets of The 'Burgh to propose "a final solution to the Susa problem," a reference to Susa Batko-Yovino, the OMGTKK ambassador to the United Nations. Batko-Yovino, an Xt'Tapolopaquetl native, has in turn accused the delegate of racism.

Empress Gone Wild!

THE 'BURGH (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=732) --- A new video has hit the shelves, causing an uproar in the Palentine. Royalty Gone Wild™ has released footage from HIH's supposed last trip to her villa in Southern Malibu with some of her friends. The video allegedly has scenes of HIH and her guests frolicking topless on the beach and in some hot springs.

The CEO of Royalty Gone Wild™, Bobby-Ray Flynt, issued a statement: "It was tough getting those shots because of the tightness of her security on the island, but damn it was worth it. HIH is really HOT!"

Feminist groups were outraged over the exploitation of women, and family value groups cried out, "Good Gravy! Think about the Children!!!"

A Spokesman for Empress Jhessan has stated that "HIH said that this finally proves that she's got better t**s than that @#$!@ Antigone!"

When the average male citizen was asked for their opinion, they stated that they were "firmly behind HIH" and would continue their "undying patriotic support."

http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f235/HoratioSulla/shirow/lh.jpg
Empress and friends go wild in a Hot Spring.

HIH and Antigone Morgan in Dead Heat

After a week of the availability of HIH's scandalous video on the market, the local paper, The Daily Flatulence, polled a group of 300 male citizens of the city and asked and important question. Does HIH's claim of having a better ummm.....pair than Kennyite VP Antigone Morgan stand true.

Does HIH have a better "Pair" than Antigone?

43% - You Betcha!
42% - No F'ing way!
5% - Needs further "research" to make a decision

Margin of error +/-6%

As one can see the results fall right in the margin of error so this shall become another debate that shall probably never be solved, just like the age old question, Boxers or briefs?
Cabinet shake-up announced in Douria

DOURIA CITY (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=747) --- Thousands of people flocked to the Serenity Center as Chief Diplomat and current Secretary of Communications George Willing convened a news conference for the increasingly reclusive Emperor Trey Dreizehn.

"Today, we're pushing ahead into new territory. We've finally bested the Kharjackistanis," Willing said, despite being a Kharjackistani himself. "Today, Mr. Dreizehn 'removed' all cabinet-level officials except myself and Secretary of State Cathy Graham. This was done, because they were not serving you. Trust me, Ms. Graham serves everybody," he said snickering.

http://www.fanboyplanet.com/derek/images/2005wonderconserenity2.jpg
Secretary of Communications George Willing (right) and new
government appointees were good enough to appear at "Comic
Con" in San Diego, which we assume is somewhere in Douria.

"If you're interested in seeing the secretaries that aren't here, check out the governmental web site," he added. The new officials in attendance that day were Secretary of the Treasury Eric Burns and Attorney General Olivia Penfold.

When asked about recent comments pertaining to the Kennyites' supposed dictatorial ambitions, which prompted an indignant response (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=226&view=findpost&p=7181428) from OMGTKK Secretary of State Alex Tehrani, Mr. Willing was surprisingly terse.

"They're probably aren't dictators; it's an oligarchy at best," he said.

SPECIAL REPORT: Missile launch obliterates Towel Nation

BEACH HEAD 42 (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=761), Zarquon Froods --- Thousands gathered today at Sillyman’s Harbor to witness the first public demonstration of the Empire’s latest version of offensive weaponry. The Total Elimination Anomaly (TEA), as it has been so aptly called, has the unique characteristic of being able to created a shield around it’s pre-programed impact site to keep the blast from spreading to area that were not intended to be harmed. The Empire is also the only nation known to have such technology.

The planned launch has come under much criticism by peace activists as being another step in the wrong direction.

“Whoa, like we feel that like this like bomb thing will like kill people and that’s like bad and stuff. So we’re like here to like protest and stuff cause we’re like a front standing up to the man. Free the Thessadorian II,” Froods Lobbying For Freedom (FLUFF) spokesman Ben Thare said to reporters during the spectacle earlier today.

Last week the launch was made public after the sentencing of “The Great One (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=721)” to be strapped to the missile scheduled for launch today for being found guilty of treason.

http://www.rocketreviews.com/contest/p11_marshall01.jpg
TEA missile en route to Towel Nation.

The missile had been successfully tested once before during the Delegate race for the region when a renegade missile was launched at the candidate townhouse in the ‘Burgh. The blast was fully contained, but officials were not satisfied with the results.

“We’ve demonstrated that the blast can be contained in a small area. Now we are looking to go full scale with a nation sized target to see if the shield can be stretched that far,” said Minster of Defense Alexander Dimwitty at an Imperial Palace news conference that morning. “We have been good reason to fire at a fully recognized nation just outside our borders, and so we intend to do it.”

The event the Minister is referring to was the recent infiltration of the Zarquonian Institute of Perpetual Physics (ZIPP). The Intelligence Embassy, now under the direction Sintar Maxem, uncovered that the five spies who attempted to break into the facility were in fact from the collection of outcasts that have formed the People’s Republic of Towel Nation. You will recall that this is the same group that instigated the Great Towel Massacre of ‘97, which resulted in several thousand cases of rug burns.

Despite the outcry of disapproval from the otherwise silent minority, the Emperor announced only an hour before the launch that it will proceed as scheduled, with rider strapped firmly on board.

Typically Weapons of this type have been launched from underground silos located around ZIPP. Today, however, the populous was given a special treat. In light of the recent degrading remarks that were made by the Palentine navy, the Emperor planned to make a special point that the flagship “Mother Mayii” was more than just a “... floating fossil. It’s a floating fossil that can eradicate anything in it’s wake. During construction it was outfitted with an interior launch facility capable of launching any ranged weapon in our arsenal. It’s just a point of looks can be deceiving,” the Emperor said.

The missile was launched at 09:00.00 this morning from the Mother Mayii, and made impact with Towel Nation at 09:02.53.

http://evilmonkey.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/300px-crossroads_baker_explosion.jpg
The blast was fully contained by the patented on-board shield generator.

Once the dust had finally settled, an investigative team went into ground zero to inspect the effectiveness of the explosion. When they reached what was once the Backwaters regional message board, the only remnants of the nation were stated as:

9 hours ago: The People's Republic of Towel Nation ceased to exist.No one is reported to have survived within the borders.

Lois-Must-Die

26-04-2008, 00:01

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/9666/polarpicayuneheaderto4.gif (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showforum=20)
News from the Antarctic Oasis (s11.invisionfree.com/antarctic_oasis) region _۩_ 25 April 2008

Tehrani resignation sparks staff overhaul
New administration looks surprisingly like the old one, but with different seating plan

PARADISE CITY (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=830), Omigodtheykilledkenny --- In a shocking development, Alex Tehrani resigned as secretary of state Tuesday, prompting a dramatic administration shake-up that reached from Frowning Street to the Federal Republic's practically abandoned offices at the World Assembly.

News of the shuffle follows a smaller one (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=782) in February that placed Karen Greene and Cdr. Jenny Chiang in prominent national-security positions after the sacking of former Defense Secretary Charlie Valentine.

Tehrani initially told reporters at a State Department briefing that he was stepping aside to avoid any unnecessary embarrassment for the vice president, whose job may be in trouble: "I just had to put a stop to all these rumors (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=547627) that I'm replacing Antigone on the ticket in the next election; it gets in the way of my being able to perform my duties efficiently, and it is unfair to Vice President Morgan," the former secretary said.

"Even though the rumors are undoubtedly true, and the president most assuredly is going to put that bitch out on her very nicely toned ass," he added. "She might have great knockers, but the heart that supposedly beats beneath them is as dark and shriveled as a dried-up prune, and the voters are beginning to see that. ...

"Erm, I mean, I want to spend more time with my family," he said after an awkward pause.

He had reportedly delivered his resignation to President Fernanda earlier that afternoon in a cabinet meeting, during a moving speech that Tehrani didn't even have time to finish, before the president, drunk as usual, held his teacup aloft and decreed, "EVERYONE SWITCH PLACES!!" Ambassador to Ardchoille Sammy Faisano was apparently the first one to kick Tehrani from his chair, so he's the new secretary.

Paradoasm Banofshon, currently deputy ambassador to Ardchoille, will be appointed to replace Faisano as senior ambassador, Tehrani said.

http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a118/teddygrahams113/tehraninewsconf.png
Ex-Secretary Tehrani denies he's going to be vice president, denies
the current VP's job is in jeopardy, denies there's a scandal, denies there's a
cover-up, denies there's a lawsuit, denies there's an "inappropriate relationship,"
denies he's Client #10 (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/10/nyregion/10cnd-spitzer.html), denies he's being blackmailed, denies he's been outed.
Which of course means it's all true.

But that wasn't the entirety of new administration appointments, as one of Tehrani's last acts as secretary was to fire UN/WA Ambassador Susa Batko-Yovino -- Treasury Secretary Jimmy Baca immediately stepping up to replace him. Replacing Baca as treasury secretary is Commerce Secretary Brad Heathrow, and replacing Heathrow is Ambassador to The Palentine Steve Sax.

Sax's replacement has not yet been announced, but Faisano is reportedly making another trip to The 'Burgh to "reassure our closest ally of the monumental importance of the Kennyite-Palentine relationship," according to a State Department news release. Whether Faisano will schedule a rematch with Empress Jhessan (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=208&view=findpost&p=5918311) during his stay remains to be seen.

As for Batko-Yovino, he will (inexplicably enough) take up a new position as deputy national security adviser, with additional duties as security attache to the World Assembly. Why a nation would be so idiotic as to put ion charge of extremely sensitive national security matters a man seemingly hell-bent on destroying them is anyone's guess, but senior national security adviser Cdr. Chiang took a crack at it anyway:

"He has access to some very valuable information about the enemy in our ongoing war on terror -- and we are prepared to extract that information, using the appropriate methods," she said, stroking a whip tucked into her belt. "And if that doesn't work, well, Susa will soon learn that being deputy national security adviser is one of the worst jobs imaginable. We'll make him serve well into his second death, if need be, but he will tell us what he knows!"

Meanwhile, Ace and Rico, formerly "special assistants to the ambassador" at the Federal Republic's "consular office to Ardchoille" in the Strangers' Bar, have been promoted to "deputy ambassadors to the World Assembly." And although the appointments were arranged at the behest of Faisano, to give his old school buddies the office space, and the diplomatic immunity, necessary to execute their, um, brain-damaging activities in peace, Ambassador Baca has promised rigorous prepping sessions for his new deputies, supplying them with stacks of lengthy briefing documents -- most of which, we are sure, will have been smoked by the time this article appears in the press.

These new WA appointments come at a critical time for the administration, as it vigorously promotes plans to join the WA as a full member, through national referendum (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=826). "We wanted to assure the voting public that a strong team is already in place to negotiate our WA affairs before they vote on the plan," Tehrani said.

The former secretary was mute on his future plans, though they are almost certain to include a nomination for vice president in 2010. He emphasized that he and the president "remain close and will continue to be in contact," all but confirming speculation that his role as Fernanda's de-facto chief of staff will not diminish with his sudden departure.

GBC fined for indecency

FLURTHWEL (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=769), Gruenberg --- The Gruenberger Broadcasting Corporation, Gruenberg's oldest, most successful and most profligately violent television outlet has been fined 2 million Opst by the Taste, Standards, Decency, and None Of That! Thank You Control Board of the Gruenberger Department of Justice and Pain. Speaking at a press conference, Attorney General Lori Jiffjeff confirmed the fine was for last week's episode of Gritty Cop Drama Moroschwegen, the highly successful cartoon spin-off from Involving Forensic Thriller Flurthwel, which aired before the watershed on channel GBC1.

According to Jiffjeff, the episode featured "graphic, unwarranted and obscene nudity", which was "not essential to the plot" and "included largely for the purposes of titillation, vituperance and the corruption of younger viewers". The fine, the largest for a cartoon since Gruenberger News Corp were slapped for their animation of Ronald Reagen being sodomised by a Yeti, intended to illustrate the economic consequences of a raise in the minimum wage, will not be of serious financial impedient to the multi-billion Opst GBC, but Chairman Iftheg Thut has confirmed he will seek a vote of confidence, saying he hopes the GBC can "learn, improve, and now go from strength to strength".

In the episode, three women were interviewed about the murder of a mutual friend. One character, voiced by popular singer Mizzo Spiffly, was depicted in multiple scenes displaying "unacceptable quantities of bare flesh", according to Jiffjeff.

Jiffjeff has confirmed she will continue to vigorously pursue representations of indecent areas such as genitalia, breasts and lower ankles, even if in cartoon form. "A drawn perversion is still a perversion," she said emphatically. "Like any mother, I am concerned my child not be exposed to improper images on public television." The episode, which will be reshown with the dress lengthened using magic marker, features multiple decapitations, two separate suicides by ritual disembowelling, and guest stars quiz show host Fanny Orark as a chainsaw-wielding geriatric diabetes consultant.

http://www.agelesspatterns.com/DOS4801.jpg
This still from the controversial episode of animated TV show "Gritty Cop Drama Moroschwegen" portrays women shamelessly flashing their ankles, forearms and collarbones. The one in the center even went so far as to suggest she has a posterior. AUGGGHHH!! My virgin eyes!

Bloodstone Kay 'elects' new WA rep

BLOODSTONE KAY (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=774) (Bloodstone Express) --- It was election day in Bloodstone Kay when the thugs in masks arrived armed with rubber rapiers.

Scurvy Legs McGee, an election monitor, watched in horror as 30 men in lycra jumpsuits stormed into the ship's polling station.

"They started to beat voters and election officials, trying to push through towards the ballot boxes, people's faces were cut from blows to the head. There was blood all over."

The thugs -- believed to be loyal to the pro-violence candidate Kari Kagrosi -- were repulsed only when locals pushed them back and a policeman fired warning shots.

The catalogue of abuses in the contest between Ms Kagrosi and her opponent, the pro-fluffiness Fishbait Gallo, includes "carousel" voting, in which dinghy loads of Kagrosi supporters simply sailed from one polling ship to another casting multiple false absentee ballots.

On other ships of the fleet voters were given pens filled with ink that disappeared, leaving ballots unmarked and invalid.

Considering the unprecedented openness and cynical manipulation of the voting process, it was decided that Ms Kagrosi was already capable and well-versed in the normal voting process.

http://i142.photobucket.com/albums/r90/friendlyfire_xbla/untitled.jpg
The debate between the candidates for WA ambassador, Kari Kagrosi and Fishbait Gallo,
was broadcast on pay-per-view TV in Bloodstone Kay. When it turned out there wouldn't be
any graphic disembowlings or beheadings, angry customers demanded their money back.

Faisano seeks rematch with Empress Jhessan

THE 'BURGH (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=831), The Palentine (Joshi Wrestling Observer) --- Apparently getting engaged recently finally gave the man a spine. After many months dodging any chance to redeem his embarrassment for the beating (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=208&view=findpost&p=5918311) he received at the hands of HIH Jhessan Spaulding, Sammy Faisano, the new Kennyite secretary of state, has answered the challenge.

A few months ago it was rumored that he pretty much held his own in the UN Strangers' Bar (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=310853), during an impromptu Falls Count Anywhere match (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13412691&postcount=7102) versus a gentleman from Artichokeville (www.nationstates.net/ardchoille) (and even delivered a passable elbow drop). It was announced that he is visiting our fair nation later this month.

Furthermore he has stated, "No disrespect to HIH, but she caught me unaware. After all, I just got an awesome view of her cleavage. The sight of her 'assets' had me all befuddled. If I was able to think clearly there's no way she could have taken me out. So if she thinks she can still take me, then lets get it on. I'll show her what a real man can do." (Expanded remarks from Faisano can be viewed here (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=831&view=findpost&p=7314012).)

HIH has responded with the following message: "I was giving up hope that poor little Sammy would answer the challenge. His new girl must have given him some courage ... or caused him to lose some more brain cells. I guess some people never learn. Fine! I'll see you at the Great Palentine Bash PPV this month. Sammy, I'm going to inflict more pain on you than you can ever imagine. When I put you in my Sharpshooter, you'll be crying for your mama! Now what kind of match should we have? TLC ... naah, too namby-pamby. Dog Collar? ... no way! There's only one way to settle this ... A Hell in the Cell!"

http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f235/HoratioSulla/shirow/reiko4xa.jpg
According to respected wrestling commentator Bill Murray, if Empress
Jhessan wins her much-ballyhooed rematch with OMGTKK Secretary of State
Sammy Faisano, she can say, "You got beaten by a girl!", and if she loses,
she can say, "Wow, you beat a girl!" Even if he wins, Faisano just can't win.

Lois-Must-Die

02-07-2008, 04:17

Lois-Must-Die

23-07-2008, 23:50

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/9666/polarpicayuneheaderto4.gif (http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dd4gcxx_0ctdz8fgt)
News from the Antarctic Oasis (s11.invisionfree.com/antarctic_oasis) region _۩_ 23 July 2008

[click on masthead to view archived version of this issue]

Omigodtheykilledkenny

22-11-2008, 19:51

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/9666/polarpicayuneheaderto4.gif (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=1051)
News from the Antarctic Oasis (s11.invisionfree.com/antarctic_oasis) region _۩_ 22 November 2008

[click on masthead to view archived version of this issue]

Omigodtheykilledkenny

22-02-2009, 03:18

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/9666/polarpicayuneheaderto4.gif (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showforum=20)
News from the Antarctic Oasis (s11.invisionfree.com/antarctic_oasis) region _۩_ 21 February 2009

Schweitzer makes presidential bid official
Former federal judge to take on embattled Kennyite president for party nod

http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a118/teddygrahams113/judgejudysandy.png
Judge Schweitzer is quite popular with the Internet 'lolz' crowd.

DEL MONTE, Lubberland, OMGTKK --- Ending months of speculation, and to the thrill of anti-Fernanda Conservatives across the nation, Judge Sandy Schweitzer announced she would challenge President Fernanda (www.nswiki.net/index.php?title=Manuelo_Fernanda) for the Conservative Party's nomination next year.

Speaking before a raucous crowd about 3,000 strong in the capital of the state that will hold the first contest of the Conservative nomination battle in April, Schweitzer seemed to turn Fernanda-bashing into a form of art, as she made zingers at the president a central theme of her campaign.

"Ever since this supposedly 'Conservative' administration came to power, the rear entrance to Frowning Street has become a revolving door for floozies calling on our Commander in Chief," charged Schweitzer. "I'd like to ask the president, is he screwing them as hard as he's been screwing us for the past four years?!"

The judge was met with wild cheers before continuing: "Our nation is morally bankrupt, and our party has ignored the basic values that have formed the basis of its social agenda, all because no one has taught the president how to keep his pants zipped! Well, I'd be happy to show him how it's done; I'll reenact that scene from 'There's Something about Mary' if I have to!"

Schweitzer, a former federal judge and governor of Thorland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13799063&postcount=2) who authored the best-selling book "Don't Piss in My Cup and Tell Me It's Lemonade!", had long been sought out by right-wing activists to oppose a president they feel has abandoned his party's core principles. But her seeming enabling of her own son's wayward activities may open the door to charges of hypocrisy.

For their part, Schweitzer's supporters continue to defend her, despite the claims of inconsistency. "What we need in this nation is a strong moral leader who will set an example for the Kennyite people and the region at large," said Temperance Cökschmuncher, president of the women's morality group Kennyite Orthodox Puritans For Ending Excessive Libertinism (KOP-a-FEEL). "We don't have that right now with our current bastard-- er, 'leader.' This nonsense about her family is just a sideshow."

The judge has also been criticized by civil libertarians who fear a Schweitzer presidency might transform the Federal Republic from a liberal democracy into a secular version of Gruenberg. Schweitzer has expressed admiration for the sultanate's moral-hardliner Attorney General Lori Jiffjeff, and has described her recent actions in that nation as a "model" for future morality initiatives in Omigodtheykilledkenny.

"She's nuts, that's what she is, nuts!" said Glory Holly, a spokeswoman for the Kennyite Civil Liberties Alliance. "She will be an unmitigated disaster for civil liberties -- and Fernanda wasn't all that hot to begin with where his so-called 'War on Terror' is concerned."

Schweitzer's speech highlighted the war as one of the few areas upon which she and Fernanda actually agree, as well as "cowboy" unilateralism and insulting key allies.

"We must not retreat to the bad old days of spineless diplomacy under John Thorne," she declared to her audience. "In a Schweitzer Administration, we will never capitulate to people who want to destroy us, nor will we seek to accommodate them in hopes they will back down. We cannot sell out the security of our people by creeping up to our enemies like a shameless whore.

"But enough about Empress Jhessan," she quipped, "we have an election to win!"

The latest candidate for an Imperial ass-whooping has far to climb if she hopes to unseat Fernanda. Current polls show that in spite of the president's tanking approval numbers overall, he remains a force to reckoned with among Conservative base voters. The latest Paradise City Town Crier poll shows Fernanda leading among Conservatives nationwide, with 56 percent support for renomination; Schweitzer trails with just 35 percent.

Among Lubberlanders, Schweitzer's prospects look a bit brighter. Here she trails Fernanda by only 10 points, well within striking distance of an upset win by the April caucuses.

Evil Skull becomes regional gatekeeper

MURRAYLAND --- In a surprising announcement, the Evilest Talking Skull in NationStates has confirmed that he is now the official bouncer/greeter of the Antarctic Oasis. Murray has set his stool at the gateway to the region, and now greets/warns newcomers both to enjoy their stay in the evilest region in all of NationStates, and to abandon hope because they are now at the mercy of Murray's sheer evilness, not to mention the capricious whims of their psychotic new neighbors. When pressed for his reasons El Skullo Evil graciously gave a reporter a short interview, after said reporter promised to scream in terror like a little girl:

http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f235/HoratioSulla/shirow/murray_the_skull-1.jpg
Turn Back, mortals! Darkness will envelop you! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Reporter: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIAAAAAAA!

Murray: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Reporter: "Now Mr. skull...."

Murray: "You may call me Murray, mortal! I am the harbinger of your doom!"

Reporter: "Sorry... Murray, what made you decide to become the official greeter/bouncer of this region?"

Murray: this region if famous for its evilness, and the general psychotic nature of most of the inhabitants, but it was missing something. It needed a statement of true EVILNESS! And what can be more evil than yours truly, the EVILEST Talking Skull in NationStates?...and besides that, I really need the money."

Reporter:(looking confused) "But you're a skull? What do you need money for?"

Murray: "To finance my evil schemes, Mortal! Do you know how expensive it is to hire out the Gnomish Warbands living here?"

Short-lived WA act breeds Froodian chaos

ZARQUON CITY, Zarquon Froods --- "Nearly every hospital in the nation was filled to capacity today," Surgeon General Dr. Randolph Cunningham warned on the day a grim sign of what lied ahead for many nations currently enrolled in the WA with the passage of the (now repealed) Veterans Reform Act (www.nationstates.net/page=WA_past_resolutions/start=31). "We're just not equipped to deal with an influx of patients on this scale." Cunningham said later, "They've come at us with everything from a sliver in their pinky to a 96-year-old gentleman that swears his shaky hand was caused by shell-shock -- even though he had never been in actual combat! We simply can't cope with this many patients."

The passage of the Veterans Reform Act marked what was once thought to be the first step towards an international effort to care for veterans has quickly turned into a medical nightmare. Millions of citizens raced to their local enlistment offices to gladly sign up for service, many of which went directly to the closest health-care provider to take advantage of the WA-funded veteran health package.

"It's free, and because it's free I'm gonna get the full treatment," said Jacob Mendel, a new recruit in the Royal Army. "MRI, tonsillectomy, appendectomy, lobotomy and all those other -my's. If they can fit on the clipboard I'm getting it." Mendel had been enlisted for less than thirty minutes before seeking out an available doctor.

Reporters made attempts to contact Minister of Defense Alexander Dimwitty for his take of the whole situation. They were told by an aid, "The Minister is most concerned about the recent influx of military based injuries. He is at this very moment receiving a massage from the voluptuous Inga Spitswallow to help relieve his post-traumatic stress disorder." The minister could not be reached directly for comment.

http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a118/teddygrahams113/froods.png
Imperial police try desperately to control a mob of patients seeking entry into an overcrowded
hospital during the Zarquonian health-care crisis, spurned by an ill-advised WA resolution.

But not all of Zarquon Froods' citizens are up in arms about this recent development. Those that are ineligible for service in the military are outraged that they cannot receive care because of the now backed up health system. "I waited in the queue or hours; I finally had to give birth there in the street when the nurse at the desk said there were more important cases to consider," said Ellen Eckland, holding her new son Jimmy. Three-year-old Tommy "Baby Face" Thompson was quoted as saying, "This shit ain't right! I mean, goo goo gah gah."

Despite the grim short-term outlook for hospitals around the world, there may be a glimmer of hope coming to the World Assembly and it's being delivered by none other than Emperor Zarquon himself.

"What we have before us is a very serious problem. This resolution was rushed to quorum before it was properly composed, those among us that were not entirely sure of what this economically dangerous document was capable of voted for it out of good intentions," Zarquon stated in the WA chambers. "We are now faced with the grim circumstances that such a resolution is capable of delivering to our prosperity. Our health systems are choking, and the General Fund is diminishing. And so with the aid of my fellow combatants here within these halls, I submit my repeal to this most appalling resolution."

The repeal was submitted swiftly, within minutes of the resolution's passing, and quickly gained support. But, some were left to wonder: was it too little, too late? Even if the repeal were to make it to quorum within the next 24 hours it would be at least two weeks before it came to vote, due to other resolutions in the queue ahead of it. Even then it would be nearly a week before the repeal removed the offending resolution if it even passed. The general consensus was that it would, but it did not come without doubt. The Veterans Reform Act passed by just a slim majority of 297 votes, so there was justified suspicion that the repeal vote would be just as close.

One thing was certain, however: the international healthcare system was to be tested to the max. Hopefully, it wouldn't be in need of defibrillation once the dust settles.

The repeal (www.nationstates.net/page=WA_past_resolutions/start=35) passed easily on February 11. For more on the Zarquonian health-care crisis that unfolded in the interim, click here (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=1028).

Entire country renamed after Sigur Rós songs

The Sæglópur Sentinel
(Previously known as The New New York Times)

SÆGLÓPUR, Golgothastan --- In a surprise move, President-for-Life Bort Chocowitz has renamed the entire country of Golgothastan after titles and lyrics of songs by Sigur Rós, the Icelandic post-rock band known for using a mixture of Icelandic and "Vonlenska" ("Hopelandic"), a nonsense language invented to fit their songs.

Aides had been worried about Chocowitz's behaviour, as the president had spent four weeks locked in his office, emerging only to order toast, peanut brittle, and Diet Blast!, while listening to Takk... on repeat play at immense volumes.

While Golgothastan's name remains unchanged owing to technical limitations, its title has been changed from "Little Empire" to "Svefn-g-englar." The national animal, the coprophage, is now to be referred to as the "samskeyti," and instructions have been sent to the Golgothastani Mint to begin printing "flugufrelsarinns" instead of "kraaks." The national motto of "Home to the most ignorant class of infidels" has been changed to "Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust".

More dramatically, all towns, cities and municipalities have had their names changed by executive fiat. Thus the national capital is no longer New New York but Sæglópur, the Magnolia Mountain is now Mount Hljómalind, and the president's home village of New New New Ipswich is Glósóli.

http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a118/teddygrahams113/bjork.png
Rumors abound that singer Björk may be named
Golgothastan's new cartographer, as language changes
mean she and the president will probably be the only
ones able to read Golgothastani maps.

Chocowitz has renamed most government offices, including his own. He will henceforth not be President-for-Life, a title he earned at New Year after the Constitutional Convention decided that Golgothastan's abject electoral turnout meant it'd probably just be easier to let him run things for a while, but Starálfur ("Staring Elf"), which some people have pointed out is a wee bit creepy.

Surprisingly, the public reaction has been positive, mostly because the aforementioned apathy means Chocowitz was the only citizen available to be polled on the changes. Nonetheless, it is widely believed that, pronunciation difficulties notwithstanding, the move will be supported by most citizens.

Speaking for the Golgothastani Civil Liberties Ágætis Byrjun, Jack Weisgaarden said, "A lot of countries with 'presidents-for-life' have to suffer torture, or arbitrary detention. A lot of dictators abuse the public purse for their personal whims, or indulge in wanton nepotism. I think we could have it a lot worse, frankly."

However, there was sharp criticism from Eldred Gooditch, 11, of Ára bátur: "I wanted to be Popplagið. No fair!"

Altanari colonials rally against presidential candidate

ISITHIEL, Antarctic Altanar - On the eve of the Federation elections (http://z6.invisionfree.com/UN_Old_Guard/index.php?showtopic=2140), massive rallies were held in both Antarctic Altanar and Poivre Atoll against New Altan Party presidential candidate Jinella Agaranth.

An estimated 150,000 people attended the rallies in Isithiel, the capital of Antarctic Altanar, and Avriel, the capital of Poivre Atoll. The rallies denounced Agaranth as a "militaristic, warmongering twat" and were capped off with prayers for her defeat led by priests of multiple faiths.

Agaranth was running against Liberal Party candidate and incumbent President Alana Kasimira. Many people in the former Altanari colonies still blame Agaranth for the brief war between the colonists and the former government of Altanar, which Agaranth led as prime minister, nearly four years ago.

The votes of the former colonies in the first Federation presidential election three years ago, which overwhelmingly went for Kasimira, are seen by many as the decisive factor which denied Agaranth a win in her first presidential bid. Agaranth was eventually defeated by Kasimira for a second time in this month's elections, by an even larger margin than before.

"It's not that we like Kasimira all that much, in fact, many of us think she's as nutty a Lib fruitcake as ever got baked," Norgan Kisharian, leader of the Defeat Jinella Agaranth (Again!) Movement, said at the rally in Isithiel. "But she's definitely better than that psychotic whorebag Agaranth," he said, adding that he "doesn't get why the Federation only lets absolute loonies run for president. Why can't we get any normal leaders?"

The Agaranth campaign declined to comment, while the Kasimira campaign said that they were "glad to see Jinella is still winning hearts and minds....not!"

http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a118/teddygrahams113/altanari.png
Antarctic Altanaris burn presidential contender Jinella Agaranth in effigy. Altanari colonials
blame Agaranth for the 2006 war fought between the colonies and their mother country.