NationStates Jolt Archive

Hello! My name is Konstantin! Are you bored? Don't like that you aren’t a creator of this region? Are you good and funny?

Then come to Argindia! New regions were your voice matter! And you will create this region and make it better, stronger, and more like you want! And you are better! And we have a great senate that you can join! So send a telegram to Hiigarian States! And if you want to live find Argindia!

And we have a Senate, CD (Civilian Department), World Inc., People Organization’s and etc. And you are free to create many new organizations!

And I know that it is small but whit your help we can make it a great place to live! And all of the countries are very friendly and will be happy to meet you! Send a telegram to Hiigarian States!

Друзья все к нам!

Friend’s all to us!

And let’s do a new great Argindia!

И давайте сделаем новою Аргиндию!

Wilkommen!

Bienvenue!

Ben Venuti!

And jokes from Argindia!

Black White Black

What goes black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white?
A nun falling down the stairs.

Guess What I Am?

Can you guess what I am?
I am about six inches long. I have a bush at one end, and when rubbed hard I produce a white frothy substance. I move back and forth and in and out.

Answer: I'm a toothbrush


In school one day, the teacher decided that ...

In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"

More Massively Kewl Knock Knock Jokes!!!

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
I know it's you.
Crap.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
A talking pig.
Pigs can’t talk.
Neither can penguins, but I can’t shut him up! Wait till you get a load of the dancing candelabra…

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
You want to buy a kitten?
You want to buy a kitten who?
Make pretty pet.
I’m allergic to cats.
Taste good, too?

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
You sure you don’t want buy a little kitten?
Yes, I’m sure.
Could make one cute fuzzy glove?

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Ted Bundy
Ted Bundy who?
Let me in, meat!
No!
I mean… Hello I am Santa Claus.
Yay! Santa!

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
A Predator drone-launched Hellfire missile.
Saddam, I think it’s for you!

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Gandalf the Gray Wizard, friend to hobbits and elves!
Dork-ass loser.
Don’t hit me! Don’t hit me!

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
My mouth is full of spiders.
My mouth is full of spiders who?
I didn’t kill the baby. It was made out of popcorn. Popcorn baby! I need a bucket - my knuckles are melting…
Man, you have got to lay off the cough syrup.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Hitler
Hitler who?
Hitler: German, dictator, mass murderer. Little mustache? One testicle? “HEIL ME!” Ring a bell?
I thought you were someone else.
How is that possible? There is only ONE HITLER!
Nope. Went to school with a Nelson Hitler.
You’re just trying to annoy me now.
Do you really have just one testicle?
You’d think I miss it, but I don’t

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
What, and that makes you special?

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Some.
Some who?
Some asshole telling you knock, knock jokes. .

Tales From The Shire

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it."

The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"

"No. I couldnt get on the bed!"

Michael Jackson's shnoz

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalog.


I Gonna Back to Italy

(Attention: This must be read with an Italian accent, preferably out loud.)
One day Ima gonna Malta to a bigga hotel. Ina morning I go to eat brekfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better not not piss on plate you sonna ma bitch. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone does. I tella her you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say better not fock on table, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma bitch. So I go to my room inna hotel, and there is no sheit. I call the manager and tella him I wanna a sheit. He tella me go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna sheit on my bed. He say you better not piss on bed you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the man and he call me a sonna ma bitch. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: ''Peace unto you'' I say ''Piss unto you too ya, sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to Italy''


International Beer Syndrome

An insect falls into a mug of beer.
English Man: Throws his mug of bear on the floor and walks out.
American Man: Takes out the insect and drinks tbe beer.
Chinese Man: Eats the insect and throws the beer.
Indian Man: Sells the insect to the Chinese and the beer to the Englishman and buys himself a new mug of beer.
Pakistani Man: Accuses the Indian of throwing the insect into his mug, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for military aid and takes a loan to buy another mug of beer.

Snoop Doggs Teeth...

How does Snoop Dogg keep his canine teeth white?
BLEEEEEE-YATCH!

How Santa REALLY Knows!

You'd better watch out,
You'd better not cry,
You'd better not pout;
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He's bugging your room,
He's reading your mail,
He's keeping a file
And running a tail.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He hears you in the bedroom,
Surveills you out of doors,
And if that doesn't get the goods,
Then he'll use provocateurs.

So--you mustn't assume
That you are secure.
On Christmas Eve
He'll kick in your door.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.


Terrifyingly Horrible Ghost Jokes

What did the ghost shake at the party?
Her boOoOo-ty
Who was the ghosts favorite former UN Secretary General?
BoOoOo-trous BoOoOo-trous Ghali

What disease frightens ghosts the most?
BoOoOo-bonic Plague

What do ghosts use to make beef or chicken broth?
BoOoOo-llion cubes

What sound do crying ghosts make?
BoOoOo-hoo

What was the ghosts favorite TV show?
BoOoOo-ffy the Vampire Slayer

Who was the ghosts favorite conservative intellectual?
William F. BoOoOo-ckley

Whatås the difference between girl ghosts and boy ghosts?
BoOoOo-bies

Who was the ghost's favorite crooner?
Pat BoOoOo-ne

What sound do ghost bombs make?
BoOoOo-m


Why Hannibal didn't eat Britney

Why didn't Hannibal Lecter eat Brittany Spears?
He doesn't like artificial toppings.

3 Vampires

There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.
The second vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.

The third vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of water."

The bartender says, "Why do you want a shot of water?"

The vampire pulls out a dirty tampon and says, "Tea time."

Juicy Squirt

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"