NationStates Jolt Archive

The Forces of The Empire of Absolute Devastation

Absolute Devastation
02-02-2005, 06:46
The Forces of the Empire of Absolute Devastation are arrayed before their almighty dictator and prepared to march, these forces include but are not limited to...

OMFG fifty-eleven gogolplexes of envitro-grown "test tube" super soldiers who require neither pay nor sustenence, only the placentas of the mothers they slay as part of their invasion upon whatever useless nation our mighty empire decides to attack.
That's so many infantry it's stupid and they are all as badass as the one on my flag!!!!!!111!!!!one!!eleven!11

The Empire of Absolute Devastation (

ROFL so many troop transports that I can place them anywhere in the known universe instantly and without effort (we don't use this attack all too often as it results in weakling nations becoming frustrated and resorting to namecalling... until of course their leaders brains are transplanted with the replica brains of the long passed President Martin Van Burren, legendary "yes man" so that they will from then on accept any orders from our gloriously malevolent dictator ranging from and I quote "Lick yon' emperors scrotum of all sweat beads as well as the juices of the placentas that our empire uses for various causes" (explained later), to "Grab yon' ankles so that our almighty emperor may have his way with you and your so called "generals" be sure to line up according to height so that the dicktator may easily access all of your hindquarters readily via his moving sidewalk ramp/escalator."

1 Death Star
No this is not a Dr. Evil knockoff this is the DEATH STAR, a space station capable of such frightening levels of destruction that none would ever dare insult out Empire for fear that we would "blow their planet up"
Admittedly our space drives are not powerfull enough to keep this massive station from being ripped apart by magnetic fields emanated from planets without protective atmospheres so we have implemented the same teleportation technology that our transports have into this Death Star empowering it to not only make the Kessel run in less than a parsec but also it's final program, in case of photon torpedo breech in our main exhaust port, causes it to instantly teleport an unlimited number of times firing it's beam at every single celestial body in our universe causing the end of existence for all current universal inhabitants, of course it would then create a gravitational orb engulfing it's own explosion that would pull every piece of matter in the universe to it instantly creating on mega planet that would have a partially destroyed Death Star at it's core, the survivors of the Death Star would be the Emperor himself as well as his entire populous of followers as he could effortlessly pick up each one with instant teleport/tracking beam combinations the planet would be immediately terraformed and life would begin again in the same manner as before but only for the members of The Empire of Absolute Devastation and it's allied nations "Hippes and Indians are Friends" The Nomadic Peoples of Big Chief Crazy Blunt would provide marijuana for all since the time of war has passed our great universe (One mega planet) and everyone will just chill around toking up and playing games of placenta pitching...

Special Forces:
2 Jesus Christ's (One is the factual Jesus who was a prophet and great man, he prefers to wander the universe imparting the knowledge of the power of the placenta upon all who can comprehend, which is only our great emperpr as of yet) and the other is the Jesus Chirst of legend, a diety with the power to utilize the incredible capabilities of the child-bearing female placenta to fully hold sway over the concepts of time and space, this enables all of the above seemingly rediculous actions to become quite feasible, however in order to explain the process to you you would have to convince the first real Jesus that he IS god, a falsehood he understands and would only recant from his position after having the replica brain of Former Pres. Martin Van Burren implanted into his skull, a process that only our glorious emperor can complete using a game of Super Mario Brothers 3 and constant hours of attempting to time perfectly Pres Van Burrens brain matching to Jesus' face by pressing the "a" button at the exactly perfect time, upon doing this of course his Nintendo DS exploded leaving him crippled a condition that he could easily fix with his newfound knowledge of placentas but that he deems to build character in himself.
Ultimate Turbo
02-02-2005, 07:28
First of all... no one but no one can make the Kessel run in less than one parsec.

Second of all... The more you tighten your grip, the more star systems will slip from your grasp. This has been well documented, people deny this are just trolling.

Third of all... You have grammar problems, I think you know what they are so I wont go into them.

Fourth of all... I think you've hit upon what most religious philosophers disagree upon the most... how Jesus felt about placentas and how to use them to dominate muslims and non-believers. There is a school of thought that says that Jesus was non-violent for the most part, and kept his placentas for special occasions. Others say that the Lord would actually eat the placentas whole, much like Christopher Reeves did in that episode in South Park, for they were both quadrapeligics. This is pretty trivial, for everyone knows that for the rapture, Mohammed, Moses, and Jesus will have a fight-to-end-all-fights, using the placentas as power-ups. The muslims call it "Hell in a Cell". 'There can be only one' Tim 21:10, and we hold this to be true.

In conclusion, dont let me stand in your way.
02-02-2005, 08:52
Urge... to... kill... Rising...
The Colors of the Wind
03-02-2005, 08:18
Yous guys are all morans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!one!!! !!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111111!!!eleven octillion one-hundred eleven septillion one-hundred eleven sextillion one-hundred eleven quintillion one-hundred eleven quadrillion one-hundred eleven trillion one-hundred eleven billion one-hundred eleven million one-hundred eleven thousand one-hundred and eleven!!!!111!!!11!!!!!1!one!!1!

1 Death Star

"Death Star" © ® @ is a copyrighted, reserved, at trademark of LucasARtsFilmsfFOXsTDentertainment and YOU ARE 9OING TO BE SUED!!!!!!1!

Special Forces:
2 Jesus Christ's (One is

Dude, who do you think your fooling? We all know Jesus Christ is pretend and make-believe.

Pres. Martin Van Burren

ROFL LOL HAHAHAHAHAHAH DUDE ROFL thats tot4lly not even how you spell his name!!?!?!???? OMG hahaha lol >>>IRL<<<


Second of all... The more you tighten your grip, the more star systems will slip from your grasp.

haahaha dude watch the movies dude she says shes all like this dude watch it omg rolf

The more you tighten your grip, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.

man you guys really suck my army would PWN YOURZ ANY DAY OF THE WEEK we have space marines with plasma pistols and ALL the warriorz from HOOK including the fat kid hwo turns into a bowling pn omg you stand no chance!!!!1!
03-02-2005, 09:29
Oh this had BETTER be a joke thread...
Ultimate Turbo
04-02-2005, 00:01
Oh this had BETTER be a joke thread...

Oh? What if it isnt? What if this is super-serious and you cant deal with it? And besides, what are you going to do if its not a joke thread? If its not a joke, then that means its serious. And if its serious, then no one can do anything, because Jesus has already made the first move, and those communists in Absolute Devestation have their Death Star and googolplexs of placenta-soldiers on the move. You better pray this is a joke, pray to Mohammed...
Nanotech Army
04-02-2005, 20:33
First of all... no one but no one can make the Kessel run in less than one parsec.
Particularly since a parsec is a measure of distance and not a measure of time...

P.S. Absolute Devastation's forces would be no match to my technologically superior ones, and he would merely be 'integrated' into myself and his useless forces disassembled and used for raw materials. So sayeth the Immortal Emperor of Nanotech Army.