Absolute Devastation
02-02-2005, 06:46
The Forces of the Empire of Absolute Devastation are arrayed before their almighty dictator and prepared to march, these forces include but are not limited to...
Army:
OMFG fifty-eleven gogolplexes of envitro-grown "test tube" super soldiers who require neither pay nor sustenence, only the placentas of the mothers they slay as part of their invasion upon whatever useless nation our mighty empire decides to attack.
That's so many infantry it's stupid and they are all as badass as the one on my flag!!!!!!111!!!!one!!eleven!11
The Empire of Absolute Devastation (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi)
ROFL so many troop transports that I can place them anywhere in the known universe instantly and without effort (we don't use this attack all too often as it results in weakling nations becoming frustrated and resorting to namecalling... until of course their leaders brains are transplanted with the replica brains of the long passed President Martin Van Burren, legendary "yes man" so that they will from then on accept any orders from our gloriously malevolent dictator ranging from and I quote "Lick yon' emperors scrotum of all sweat beads as well as the juices of the placentas that our empire uses for various causes" (explained later), to "Grab yon' ankles so that our almighty emperor may have his way with you and your so called "generals" be sure to line up according to height so that the dicktator may easily access all of your hindquarters readily via his moving sidewalk ramp/escalator."
Navy:
1 Death Star
No this is not a Dr. Evil knockoff this is the DEATH STAR, a space station capable of such frightening levels of destruction that none would ever dare insult out Empire for fear that we would "blow their planet up"
Admittedly our space drives are not powerfull enough to keep this massive station from being ripped apart by magnetic fields emanated from planets without protective atmospheres so we have implemented the same teleportation technology that our transports have into this Death Star empowering it to not only make the Kessel run in less than a parsec but also it's final program, in case of photon torpedo breech in our main exhaust port, causes it to instantly teleport an unlimited number of times firing it's beam at every single celestial body in our universe causing the end of existence for all current universal inhabitants, of course it would then create a gravitational orb engulfing it's own explosion that would pull every piece of matter in the universe to it instantly creating on mega planet that would have a partially destroyed Death Star at it's core, the survivors of the Death Star would be the Emperor himself as well as his entire populous of followers as he could effortlessly pick up each one with instant teleport/tracking beam combinations the planet would be immediately terraformed and life would begin again in the same manner as before but only for the members of The Empire of Absolute Devastation and it's allied nations "Hippes and Indians are Friends" The Nomadic Peoples of Big Chief Crazy Blunt would provide marijuana for all since the time of war has passed our great universe (One mega planet) and everyone will just chill around toking up and playing games of placenta pitching...
Special Forces:
2 Jesus Christ's (One is the factual Jesus who was a prophet and great man, he prefers to wander the universe imparting the knowledge of the power of the placenta upon all who can comprehend, which is only our great emperpr as of yet) and the other is the Jesus Chirst of legend, a diety with the power to utilize the incredible capabilities of the child-bearing female placenta to fully hold sway over the concepts of time and space, this enables all of the above seemingly rediculous actions to become quite feasible, however in order to explain the process to you you would have to convince the first real Jesus that he IS god, a falsehood he understands and would only recant from his position after having the replica brain of Former Pres. Martin Van Burren implanted into his skull, a process that only our glorious emperor can complete using a game of Super Mario Brothers 3 and constant hours of attempting to time perfectly Pres Van Burrens brain matching to Jesus' face by pressing the "a" button at the exactly perfect time, upon doing this of course his Nintendo DS exploded leaving him crippled a condition that he could easily fix with his newfound knowledge of placentas but that he deems to build character in himself.
Army:
OMFG fifty-eleven gogolplexes of envitro-grown "test tube" super soldiers who require neither pay nor sustenence, only the placentas of the mothers they slay as part of their invasion upon whatever useless nation our mighty empire decides to attack.
That's so many infantry it's stupid and they are all as badass as the one on my flag!!!!!!111!!!!one!!eleven!11
The Empire of Absolute Devastation (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi)
ROFL so many troop transports that I can place them anywhere in the known universe instantly and without effort (we don't use this attack all too often as it results in weakling nations becoming frustrated and resorting to namecalling... until of course their leaders brains are transplanted with the replica brains of the long passed President Martin Van Burren, legendary "yes man" so that they will from then on accept any orders from our gloriously malevolent dictator ranging from and I quote "Lick yon' emperors scrotum of all sweat beads as well as the juices of the placentas that our empire uses for various causes" (explained later), to "Grab yon' ankles so that our almighty emperor may have his way with you and your so called "generals" be sure to line up according to height so that the dicktator may easily access all of your hindquarters readily via his moving sidewalk ramp/escalator."
Navy:
1 Death Star
No this is not a Dr. Evil knockoff this is the DEATH STAR, a space station capable of such frightening levels of destruction that none would ever dare insult out Empire for fear that we would "blow their planet up"
Admittedly our space drives are not powerfull enough to keep this massive station from being ripped apart by magnetic fields emanated from planets without protective atmospheres so we have implemented the same teleportation technology that our transports have into this Death Star empowering it to not only make the Kessel run in less than a parsec but also it's final program, in case of photon torpedo breech in our main exhaust port, causes it to instantly teleport an unlimited number of times firing it's beam at every single celestial body in our universe causing the end of existence for all current universal inhabitants, of course it would then create a gravitational orb engulfing it's own explosion that would pull every piece of matter in the universe to it instantly creating on mega planet that would have a partially destroyed Death Star at it's core, the survivors of the Death Star would be the Emperor himself as well as his entire populous of followers as he could effortlessly pick up each one with instant teleport/tracking beam combinations the planet would be immediately terraformed and life would begin again in the same manner as before but only for the members of The Empire of Absolute Devastation and it's allied nations "Hippes and Indians are Friends" The Nomadic Peoples of Big Chief Crazy Blunt would provide marijuana for all since the time of war has passed our great universe (One mega planet) and everyone will just chill around toking up and playing games of placenta pitching...
Special Forces:
2 Jesus Christ's (One is the factual Jesus who was a prophet and great man, he prefers to wander the universe imparting the knowledge of the power of the placenta upon all who can comprehend, which is only our great emperpr as of yet) and the other is the Jesus Chirst of legend, a diety with the power to utilize the incredible capabilities of the child-bearing female placenta to fully hold sway over the concepts of time and space, this enables all of the above seemingly rediculous actions to become quite feasible, however in order to explain the process to you you would have to convince the first real Jesus that he IS god, a falsehood he understands and would only recant from his position after having the replica brain of Former Pres. Martin Van Burren implanted into his skull, a process that only our glorious emperor can complete using a game of Super Mario Brothers 3 and constant hours of attempting to time perfectly Pres Van Burrens brain matching to Jesus' face by pressing the "a" button at the exactly perfect time, upon doing this of course his Nintendo DS exploded leaving him crippled a condition that he could easily fix with his newfound knowledge of placentas but that he deems to build character in himself.