NationStates Jolt Archive

THE TOURNAMENT IS CLOSED. WE HAVE 16 ENTRANTS, THE TOURNAMENT IS FULL. FEEL FREE TO WATCH AND COMMENT, BUT DO NOT POST ANY MORE ENTRIES.

Here's a second tournament based on the same principle as the first. Check out this thread (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=376841) for details about how to apply. This tournament will have sixteen entrants. Entrants in the first tournament will be guaranteed a spot. Also, I would really like for the entries to be somewhat serious. Cartoon animals are fine, but entrants like "obsidian rock" and stupid stuff like that are not appreciated.

Name: TheGodDamnLochNessMonster
Average Lifespan: Unknown
Comparable Shape:A black crustacean from the Paleozoic Period
Intelligence: Unknown
Deadly Attacks:He drives his prey insane by saying, "I need about tree fity"

Name: TheGodDamnLochNessMonster
Average Lifespan: Unknown
Comparable Shape:A black crustacean from the Paleozoic Period
Intelligence: Unknown
Deadly Attacks:He drives his prey insane by saying, "I need about tree fity"


Hahahaha. That's funny. I hope you don't mind if, during a battle, I give him some other tactics to kill an opponent. But you should have a spot.

Name: Integumentum hylaus "Glass bottle beetle"
Average Lifespan: 5 to 7 years
Description: Often mistaken for a glass bottle. This mutant strain of mimic beetle has evolved from life near silicon deposits, and has a glass-like carapace.
Diet: Comsumes minerals, with a preference towards silicon.
Defensive Capabilities: Hardened glass-like mineral shell, Powerful mandibles used for rock crushing to obtain vital elements and compounds.
Special notes: Stomach contains extremely potent acid, which it uses to digest said minerals. Mandibles withdraw into "bottle" when not in use. Shell primarily made up of Carbon and Silicon. Has been known to attempt to consume shiny objects.
Height: 7-10cm
Weight: 500g-1kg
Length: 30-40cm
Senses: Touch (senses vibrations in ground and air) and sight (mineral finding)

gimme a minute.

Name: Kelonian Guinea Pig (Cavidae Gigantus Keloniae)
Lifespan: Between 8 and 18 years (average around 12)
Intelligence: Negligible. Similar to that of a cow.
Description: Much like a scaled-up version of a regular guinea pig (and looking like them, too, unlike it's close relative the Capybara), Kelonian Guinea Pigs are around the size of medium-sized dogs, and evolved on the relatively predator-free lower western plains of Kelonia. They are usually very docile, though they can be roused into violence if provoked.
Diet: Grass, though they also enjoy vegetables and, on occasion, fish. They find it very hard to catch the latter, however, as they are not at all good swimmers.
Capabilities: Sharp front teeth and powerful jaws, thick skull and powerful hind legs for leaping and butting, and surprising speed.
Limitations:: Large bulk, clumsiness while running, incredibly easily distracted.

I am entering my animal, laughing hyena, the champion of the first tournament. He is back and ready to defend his crown.

Size: 140-190 pounds.

Intelligence: High.

Natural weapons: Extremely crushing jaws, among the strongest in the mammal kingdom. Speed and extreme stamina.

Other info: The hyena is the second largest predator in Africa, often known to chase lions from their kill, and is an evolutionary missing link between the dog and cat family.

I would firstly like to thank Maniaca for personally inviting me for the next tournament. I do so love this game.

Name:The Homeless madman
Average Lifespan:Varies depending on drug dependacy and police brutality level
Comparable to:The guys you always see under the overpass
IQ:Varies(from 47 to 387)
Other facts:These creature's natural habitat is mostly near the dense urban centers, where they live under overpasses, under foot bridges, and on sidewalks. They feed on the sympathy of passers by, who provide them with the spare change necessary to feed themselves. They sometimes have addictions to drugs such as alchohol, cocaine, and other hallucenogens. They are sometimes extremly insightfull, sometimes completly incoherent and indiscriminatly violent.

Killing tools and such: These creatures have a wide array of defensice mechanisms. They are skilled in the art of fistycuffs, but are also masters of the "flail in a drunken stupper" fighting style, which is much more effective than it sounds. The also have been know to use tools when engaged in combat, among them broken bottles with which to stab their aggressor, or shred in their face once subdued. Many of them have pieces of pipe, hammers, pieces of industrial chain, and some even knives. A Homeless madman may seem docile, larthargic and non-violent, but when aroused or angered, they are a force to be feared.


Hope that was ok.

Hope this is ok

Name: Huzeny Grey Wolf
Average lifespan: 9-12 years
Size:
-115-130 pounds
-5-6.5 feet long
-26-32 inches high
Intelligence: High
Diet: anything from guinee pigs to moose to homeless people
Other:
- Can run 25-35mph and travel 10-30 miles in a day (over rough ground)
- Biting capacity of 1500 psi
- Good at surving in cold wooded and or mountanious areas
- Dislikes guinee pigs
- Can swim
- Likes to hunt in packs
- Suberb tracker

Name: Cat
(I should say "Generic Hakopan Cat")

Weight: 5 kg. (don't know it in pounds)

Size: 1 meter

Average Lifespan: 30-35 years

Intelligence: High.

Natural weapons: Claws, fangs, cunning intelligence lets the cat see where its enemy's weak spot is located, can jump very high, always lands on its feet and is a master of camouflage

The Cat (in Hokapam) also possessess the ability to manipulate Reality in small dosages to create quasi-magical effects. It also possesses some degree of telepathy.

Golden Dragon
Size: 20 Stories.
Color: Golden
Shape: Brachiosaurus with wings. Long whip like tail that has a spiked bony club thing at the end.
Breathes fire in self defense.
IQ: 325
Speed:
Land-45mph
Air-Mach 2
Sea-75 knots
Food: Omnivore.
Habitat: Caves and dark forests.
Sometimes caves at the bottom of lakes.
Lifespan: 175 years.
Predisposition toward humans: Avoids them but barbecues them if backed into a corner.

Species: Great Wyvern
Shape: Gigantic Bird of Prey
Stats:Life span: 165 years
Weight: 1 mt (metric ton)
Height: 4 m
Wingspan: 10m
Talon size: 12cm
Stinger size: 16cm
Beak Size: 30cm
Muscular Strength: 565kgcm (Kilograms per Centimeter)
Poision Rating: Nerotoxin, Fatal within 1 hour, Paralysis within 30sec
Flying Speed: 20kmph
Protection: Feathers around Torso, Scales around Head, Tail, Legs
Fears: Nothing

guys, he's not gonna take them if there ultra cheap.

20 stories is a bit much....

20 stories is a bit much....
What are you talkin about, if its mine you do know one meter is equal to 3 ft

That's a total of nine animals. Only seven spots left. Hurry up and stake your claim for a chance at glory!

What are you talkin about, if its mine you do know one meter is equal to 3 ft

Not you, your's is fine. I'm talking about the Golden Dragon. Two Golden Dragons could probably take over the world....

Yeah knida figured that after I read more carefully, hehe

name: Chupacabra
Scinetific name: hemo predator
Stats:Life span: ???
Weight: 55lbs
Height: 3.5 - 4 ft
reason it kicks @$$: it sucks goat blood

Name: Cabbit
Average Lifespan: infinate
Comparable shape: A bizzare cat/rabbit hybrid
Intelligence: Kindergartener
Deadly Attacks: Turns into a giant spaceship and blasts you away, can also bite as animal.
For more info, watch any of the Tenchi Muyo series.

Bumpidy!

Name: Mechadragon
Average Lifespan: Around 150 years
Size: Around 7.5m/25ft long
Weight: A few dozen tons
Description: Well, it's a dragon that is mechanical. Steel armouring, jet engines to assist flight, razor-sharp, electrifiable claws and teeth.
Intelligence: Not too creative or imaginative, but great at brute-force type calculating

[QUOTE=Hakopam]Name: Cat
(I should say "Generic Hakopan Cat")

Average Lifespan: 30-35 years


Lol a cat that live for 35 years.

Ah well, what can I say? Cats in Hakopam are a tiny bit more resistant than Cats on other places of the multiverse...

Name: Swamp Dragon
Maximum Lifespan: 15 years, usually explodes much earlier
Size: 4 feet long
Weight: 250 lb
IQ: really, really stupid.
Description: A very sad and nervous animal, whose digestive tract is rather... unstable. And explosive. Most of it's weight is from the digestive tract, which is highly explosive and flammable.
Natural Weapons: Claws (dull), teeth (broken), fire breath (luke-warm), detonation (tac nuke), heightened senses (excellent), nervous demeanor (kangaroo with nitroglycerin)

This should go rather quickly...

Name: Korinthian Terrier
Average lifespan: 52 years
Comparable shape: Scottish Terrier
IQ: 113
Killing Tools: Claws (Sharper than a Razor), Sharp Teeth (Can tear animal flesh easily), Fur Spikes (Its hair/fur can be combed to form spikes, which can easily puncture an animal. Also, the spikes can gather currents of electricity to be used for shocking another animal.
Why it will/can kick your animal's ass: Small, Fast, and Agile. The terrier can cut through almost anything and usually cuts most animals to shreds if it dares to threaten the terrier. When against huge animals, it usually punctures its legs to bring it down to a level where the terrier can puncture its torso.

Question: why does it seem that everybodies national animal can participate in intelligent conversations? I mean, a dog smarter than the average human? I don't think they'd make very good pets...

I'm quite sure an animal's ability to speak has less to do with its intelligence and more to do with its lack of human-like vocal cords. Of course, a low IQ animal with human vocal cords would probably sound really stupid....

Chupacabra has not been added, because "it sucks goat blood" doesn't seem very scary to me. Not enough description at all.

Cabbit has not been added because I don't believe any animal that can turn into a giant spaceship and blast you away. I'm also not a fan of whatever that was. Feel free to enter something else, or just watch.

Mechadragon has been added, although you're toeing the "uber uber" line.

Swamp dragon has been added. People should post more animals like swamp dragon.

Korinthian Terrier has been added. That's crazy man. I'm gonna' have to do some research to figure out how that can possibly be beat, but I"m sure it can, somehow. I'm just imagining one of those scottie dogs bringing down an elephant....but yeah, porcupines, they can be beaten, so maybe this can too, which is why I'm letting it go ahead....everything has to be able to be beaten. Mechadragon can get himself busted up somehow, swamp dragon can be busted up anyhow, and Korinthian terrier can also be beat, which is why I'm letting it go. YOUR ANIMAL MUST BE ABLE TO BE BEAT. IT WILL BE DIFFICULT TO BE BEAT, BUT IT CANNOT BE A FIRE BREATHING GOD CREATURE FROM THE TENTH CIRCLE OF HELL. Thank you.

The way to beat a Korinthian Terrier is fairly simple, but it is hard to do. An animal that knocks the small terrier over will temporarily disable it (its almost like a turtle when on it's back), and then the animal will have to attack from behind to avoid being bitten by the terrier and from their its all about killing the animal off fast before its able to turn over and attack. Also to answer Otagias question, the Korinthian Terrier has the IQ of the average person in Connecticut and also most (if not all) people in Korinthian go to at least a four year college (Education is the nation's main priority) so a Korinthian is a very smart human being.

That dog is smarter than most college grads!

Anyway, beating the swamp dragon is easy. Just poke it, startle it, or tell it a sad story. Or a joke. It'll explode rather quickly. Just make sure you're out of the blast radius...

I would like to enter my national animal if there is still a slot open.

So am I right in believing that the "Swamp Dragon" is somewhat like "Don't-make-me-sad-or-I'll-Blow-up-and-kill-you-all"? How would it "win" then, if its only "defence" of note is to create an 'instant sunrise'?

More importantly, how would anything win AGAINST it? Not even that "Cabbit" thing would survive the explosion, seeing how the extreme crushing force after a nuclear explosion would destroy, or at least mortally wound the unfortunate animal that sets it off.

Gee, I sure hope my national animal doesn't get paired off with your swamp dragon...

My national animal is the lioness.

Seemingly dull and overused, the lioness is very different from almost all other cats.

Lionesses are vicious. They maintain the social order and do all of the hunting in the pride.

They are also very sexually active. During the mating week, lions have sex every fifteen minutes. I learned this on discovery channel.

The lioness weighs 277 lbs and is 44 inches tall.

On top of that, they're females meaning they put up with and raise the cubs.

A lion's roar can be heard five miles away

Lions live for 13 years.

Lionesses can leap 30 feet, run at 35 mph, more than twice that of a human

Eyesight five times better than humans, can hear up to a mile away

Lions are armed with carnivorous teeth and sharp claws enabling it to climb a tree if it needed to.

thanks for entering my nations great animal into your competion!

The swamp dragon isn't supposed to win. It just makes sure that it's opponent loses. And if you think these things are a picnic, they're an endangered species. You try getting a breeding program together for nukes-on-legs...

Anyway, I guarantee to draw any other animal I go up against. Unless it can fling spines. Then the swamp dragon's kinda screwed...

Knew it -.-;

Anyway, I don't think spines can be thrown that far, even with specifically evolved organs. Your best bet would be to have a remote controlled robot poke it, and get to the nearest mountain range as fast as possible. You never know when it might have a sudden mood swing... ^.^;

name:yalaluxurian pot-belied pig
life span: 40-80 years
intellegence: uber
speed: lumbering
killing methods: teeth, claws (thats right, claws), annoying squeals, mind-boggling oponents with complicated equations, body slam (ouch!), crowding poeple
defensive: hides in mud to avoid capture, will use fat as a sort of "shield"
weaknesses: likes food over everthing (won't eat other animals unless necessary), overall not that great fighter

-would be a better anouncer (very charismatic)

After finding a link from Hakopam I would like to submit my national Animal if there is still room.

The Desert Opossum (Or, as know to locals, the beach rodent)

Weight: 5-10 pounds Depending on the sex.

Length: 2 foot from head to hind. 3 foot counting the tail.

Average Lifespan: 10-15 years, less if it surfs

Description: A more social member of the rodent family which walks on its rear legs. It is fond of mating, hanging out, volleyball, sun bathing, surfing, snorkeling, dining on cheeseburgers and other types of fast food. Desert Opossums like living on the edge in the day or sleeping the day away to hang out at night clubs when the party gets good.

Weapon: Thick coat of SPF 500, a natural sun block product that makes it nigh-invulnerable to fire, sharp claws that it uses to open beer bottle caps, potato chip bags, and chalangers to their babe... I mean mate, and they posess a poisonous bite, caused by their poor diet, which causes heighten clogged arteries in the victim (Death occurs from lack of oxygen to the brain in 3-7 minutes.)

Strength: Limited due to size 10-15 pounds lifting capasity, or 2 six-packs
Intelligence: Very high.

forgot to say
weight: 200-1000 lbs

and

specific competion animal:
name: porky
weight: 864lbs
age: 16
length: 3.452 ft.
gender: male

If there's still space...

I present the Eastern Pacific Beerbongz Wombat

Average lifespan: unknown, usually not long if near a highway though its sheer bony bulk has been known to destroy a truck on impact - 2nd truck usually finishes it though
Comparable shape: wombat shape - a low slung 5 metre long lump of bone and muscle covered with thick coarse rather smelly fur (eastern pacific wombats have mutated from their western pacific relatives after testing of nuclear devices in the western pacific. They are larger, more stupid, more agressive and the smell can kill small birds at 10 paces or cause larger animals to vomit uncontrolably. It's smell has been likened to the 'morning after' when you wake up in a pool of your own vomit next to a large wet alsatian)
IQ: 13 in the wild, 3 if brought up by humans. Many domesticated Beerbongz Wombats have been known to think they are dogs. The unfortunate combination of 500kg of wombat jumping up and down and trying to wag its (non-existant) tail has led to the trampling death of many a poor homeowner
Killing Tools: Claws (thick blunt claws on the end of short poweful legs used for tunneling through concrete dog kennel floors or bedrock. Beerbongz wombats have been known to tunnel under adversaries before collapsing the tunnel and surprising their toppled opponent. Blunt teeth set in powerful jaws used for chewing through pipes, roots and whatever else is in their way undergroud. Head Butt. used extensively in tunnel fighting but also put to good use above ground, a headbutt from the bony armoured head of a beerbongz wombat can stop and daze anything up to a bulldozer (assuming it can catch the bulldozer). Butt squeeze. If caught from behind in the tunnels, the wombat will reverse and push its adversary into a wall or push its way under and crush it against the roof using its short powerful legs.

Limitations: Has been known to attack trees due to poor eyesight, slow over long distances due to its stubby little legs, domesticated wombats have been known to get addicted to alcohol and other drugs if left in the company of young men too long. This can lead to lethargy but with the occasional outburst of psychopathic behaviour (which could be useful if it wasn't so random) - incidentally, a wombat is the favoured as pet of young men in Beerbongz because of its lifestyle: it sleeps a lot, then eats roots....and leaves.

If there's space:

Kazikamimoto's national animal: The beagle
Weight: 5 to 25 pounds
Average lifespan: 10 to 18 years
Intelligence: Average
Average Speed: Swift and Agile
While illegal, beagle fights still happen underground in Kazikamimoto. Owners of fighting beagles equip their dogs with steel razor teeth caps, a metal tail extention with a tail spike, and razor paw spurs to inflict often serious or fatal flesh wounds to opponents.

Entry:
Name: Red Savage
Weight: 15 pounds
Speed: Deadly
Equipped with: Poisoned tail spike, razor paw spurs, steel metal jaw and teeth
Attacks with: Equipped items and deadly speed. throws opponents off guard with that cute puppy dog look.
Defends with: Fast Reflexes
Weaknesses: Small

If there's still an opening.
The nieder ostlandish National animal!
The Bavarian eagle.
Lifespan: 15 - 30 years
Size: Wing span: 5 - 7 meters (16 - 22 feet)
Weight: 10 - 15 kg (22 - 33 lbs)
Intelligence: Quite high
Speed: 100 km/h (62 mp/h) in normal flight. Diving speeds can reach up to 200 km/h (124 mp/h)
Strength.
Attacks. It likes to dive from high altitude and either carry the victim up high, and drop it on the ground (preferebly a hard surface) or simply breaks the neck of the victim, with its claws. If it's a large creature, it tends to try to make it blind first, by picking and scratching the eyes (of the victim)
Weaknesses: Tend to prefer to attack smaller animals, which it can eat, than large animals. So, toss it a rat, and it'll go for that (unless REALLY hungry of course!). Don't like to eat dead cereatures (too proud to eat something it havent killed by itself), so a common defence for many Nieder Ostlandish smaller creatures, when they spot a Bavarian Eagle, is to simply play dead! That works most of the times! (Unless the eagle is REALLY hungry of course!)

Name: Da Huuuudge
Lifespan:15-25 years
Size:up to 10ft diameter, 3ft tall
Diet:anything smaller than it
Habitat:anywhere that is not too hot or too cold (over 120F, under 0F)
Description: Da Huuuudge is an amphibious creature that is mainly composed of a thick, yellow mucus. The mucus clings to the Da Huuuudge so that attacks from predators with claws are nearly rendered harmless. The Da Huuuudge's mucus membrane is toxic when consumed and glows at the nightime.

That dog is smarter than most college grads!

Anyway, beating the swamp dragon is easy. Just poke it, startle it, or tell it a sad story. Or a joke. It'll explode rather quickly. Just make sure you're out of the blast radius...

Ah, that's hilarious. But yeah, I don't need explanations of how to beat your animal, in case folks were wondering, but it just can't be some kind of God on Earth.

And bump.

Tell you what. These last animals look pretty good, so I'll strike some of those uber animals back there from the record.

Okay, so Lioness has been added, The yala pig has been added, The Desert Possum has been added, The Wombat has been added, and so has the Beagle. Although if the Beagle is going to have all those tools, he needs to be able to put them on himself.

The Bavarian Eagle has not been added, and neither has da huuuuge, becuase we ran out of space. The Bavarian Eagle article was very well written however. You should come back for version three.

The Golden Dragon has not been added, because these latest entries are better for this tournament. Maybe later I can have a tournament of ubers. Now that I think about it, that seems like it would be a very good show.....

I will now use my randomizing force to create a tournament tree.

------please wait-------

WEST BRACKET

Homless Madman
Great Wyvern

Korinthian Terrier
Laughing Hyena

The beagle
The Desert Opossum

Glass Bottle Beetle
Kelonian Guinea Pig
-----------------------------
EAST BRACKET

Swamp Dragon
Beerbongz Wombat

Lioness
Huzeny Gray Wolf

Cat
Yalaluxurian Pot Bellied Pig

Mechadragon
GodDamnLochNessMonster
------------------------------

Wow, some of these matchups are crazy good. And these were all using my randomizing force, no personal preference involved. A fight to watch will be the classic Cat-Pig matchup. I'll try and do the first fight tomorrow, I'm on winter break, so I should be able to fight with more frequency than in BNA 1.

Name-The Russian
Description-Three Feet tall guy that nevr has two feet on the floor
Lifespan-6 months what with all the radiation
Intelligence-Not Much but can build great weapons
Attacks-Can-Can or Kan-Kan however you spell it

Whewf. I'm not up against the nuke-on-legs.

Actually, I think that the match-up with the wombat and Swamp dragon came out quite nicely. It's probably, now that I think of it, one of the animals that could survive the nuke.

If I'm right in presuming that they survived full scale nuclear explosions, and it takes a second for the swamp dragon to explode, the wombat has a fighting chance.

Actually... come to think about it, Otagia, how on Earth did you even convince the developers it was a good idea to even go near the swamps, anyway?

I'm hoping it gets nervous and explodes when it hears my wombat tunneling underneath it. The nuclear explosion, being above ground and not well contained will hopefully radiate outward rather than downward. + due to its mutation from the effects of radiation it may make it a little less succeptible...maybe...uhh, perhaps I should have had a cockroach as a national symbol. I could call him scratchy.......

Maniaca, would you like me to see if I can get a mod to look at your thread so that he can clear up all the people who post there stupid animals after you said to stop? It's just, if you remember that last one, people just wouldn't stop posting there things, thinking that for some reason you would be like "Oh my god, that one is just so good and cool that I will add it" or something, and it was godamn annoying. No gurantees, but if you want me too look into it, I can.


Just let me know.

Heres mine

Chocobo
inteligence 277
Weight 200-300
weapons Sharp beak to peck at you and sharp talons
Fears elves
very noble they do not like to be insulted
found on the plains of Steve-o central in packs
can become a pet

Before Alexias comes, I think I might as well do what s/he does:

No More Animals Please

There Are Already Enough Animals

Do Not Waste Space On This Thread With Unwanted Animals

Thank you for your time.

Before Alexias comes, I think I might as well do what s/he does:

No More Animals Please

There Are Already Enough Animals

Do Not Waste Space On This Thread With Unwanted Animals

Thank you for your time.


You read my mind.

Whewf. I'm not up against the nuke-on-legs.

Actually, I think that the match-up with the wombat and Swamp dragon came out quite nicely. It's probably, now that I think of it, one of the animals that could survive the nuke.

If I'm right in presuming that they survived full scale nuclear explosions, and it takes a second for the swamp dragon to explode, the wombat has a fighting chance.

Actually... come to think about it, Otagia, how on Earth did you even convince the developers it was a good idea to even go near the swamps, anyway?

They don't. Luckily, Otagia has relatively few swamps. The Swamp Dragon just makes a good mascot: "Annoy us and we'll blow you all to hell." MAD on legs!

And clearing swamps is easier than it sounds. Just use lots and lots of sleeping gas, and be very, very careful when moving the unconscious dragons.

(Wanted to throw in a little color to the match. This has got to look pretty stupid to normal people. :D )

The Holy Empire of Dhulus preps their champion beach rodent, Jimmy “The Muscle” Ferguson.

The Manager steps up to the corner and announces their prised fighter in a display of gratuitous overwhelming verbal competence.

“Weighing in at 14.1 pounds! From the Coast with the most, and with the cheers of his peers... Jimmy!!! The Muscle!!! Ferguson!!!!” The crowd of nationalists from Dhulus and various spectators gambling on the Opossum erupt into a ear splitting cry of support.

Jimmy takes to the mic and starts taunting his competitor, Kazikamimoto's national animal: The beagle, in a similar voice to 'The Macho Man: Randy Savage'... “You call yourself an animal!! I am the only animal in this ring!!! I'll rend your body like it was a banana!!! I'll spit on your bones as I wreck havoc on you!!! You're Momma ain't here to wipe your nose!!! You're Papa ain't gonna kiss your boo-boo's! I'm Gonna put you in traction for so long that you'll be the man from yesterday. You think you can take me?! I'll take you to the wood shop! I'll bend you lika' pretzel an' eat you lika' mustard covered Hotdog! You can't imagine the pain I'm comin' to bring! You wanna dance?! I'll show you a couple bone crunching' steps from the mat of doom!! You ain't waltzin' outa this place. No sir-ee! Step up and take you're beating like a good boy! Yeee-ahhhhh!!!!” he then flexes his muscles in the ring to show off his body to the adoring females watching in the stadium.

The crowd erupts again after his inarticulate moments of taunting.

The Republic of Beerbongz fight promoter steps forward.

"ahem...Our beast...Womble the Wombat...is currently unavailable for comment due to the fact that with an IQ of 3 he is unable to talk. Last we saw, he was in a drunken/drug induced haze and tunneling his way towards the nearest swamp. We all hope he doesn't get lost."

"Thankyou for your attention"

**crowd turns back to the bar and begins ordering another round**

(is betting allowed?)

"Weighing in, at 768 pounds... Bob the dragon. Apparently, he has had too much to eat, and is sleeping it off. Please do not disturb. Actually, just don't touch him. He's kinda deaf... Um..."

Species: Cormian Wolverine (larger than typical Wolverine)
Height: About 28 inches
Length: about 65 inches
Weight: Around 56 pounds
Diet: Whatever it can catch or find. From rats, and rabbits to deer and caribou.

The wolverine is the largest land-dwelling member of the family Mustelidae (animals such as minks, weasels,otters, skunks). Fot its size, the Wolverine is probably one of the smallest and most powerful top-of-the-food-chain predator. It makes a Tasmanian Devil look like a sissy. The wolverine is powerfully built, and well adapted for winter survival. The wolverine walks on the soles of its feet as do bears and humans. This is called a plantigrade posture and allows the animal to move much easily through soft, deep snow.
Wolverine fur is typically a thick, glossy dark brown. A light, silvery facial mask is obvious in some individuals with a pale buff stripe running from the shoulders along the animal's side and crossing the rump just above a long, bushy tail. A white hair patch on the neck and chest is often present in some individuals while not occurring in others. White hair on the toes, feet and forelegs is not uncommon. The Wolverine has 38 very sharp teeth and five slightly retractable and very sharp claws on each paw. Because of the stripes along the wolverine's body it is sometimes called a skunk bear. It is neither a skunk nor a bear but it is a relative of the skunk.

Native Americans called it carcajou, a French corruption of an Native American word meaning Evil Spirit or Mountain Devil. The Wolverine is neither a spirit or devil.

Like skunks, Wolverines have a scent gland which produces a strong musky odor. They use this to mark their territory and not as a defense measure. Their defense is to attack you with their sharp claws and teeth. Typically, Wolverines drive animals away from food by baring teeth, raising hair on their back, sticking up their bushy tail, and making a low growl.

The wolverine is noted for its strength, cunning, fearlessness, and voracity. It may follow traplines to cabins and devour food stocks or carry off portable items; its offensive odour permeates the invaded cabin. The wolverine is a solitary, nocturnal hunter, preying on all manner of game and not hesitating to attack sheep, deer, or small bears. No animal except humans hunts the wolverine. Its fur is valued as trimming for parkas because frost and frozen breath can easily be brushed off the smooth hairs. Solitary during most of the year, the wolverine has a short courtship in February or March. A litter contains one to five young; the female's gestation period is about nine months.

Wolverines are now considered an endangered animal due to the destruction of their habitat and over hunting by fur traders. Ranchers also kill wolverines due to the threat they possess towards livestock.

Some intersting Facts about Wolverines

If a wolverine was the size of a bear, it would be the strongest animal on Earth.
The wolverine's jaws are strong enough to crush bones.
Wolverines are capable of bringing down deer or caribou.
A cougar will back away if it is challenged for a carcass by a wolverine.
Wolverines are known among trappers for stealing food while fox or mink get caught.
Wolverines are strong enough to drag an animal carcass three times their own weight for some distance.
A wolverine's keen nose can smell food under snow.
Wolverines have been reported to drive packs of wolves from their kills.

what is the cat's name that im playin?

404: Place not found
The place or placing you are trying to fill does not exist. This is because:

- You followed an incorrect thought
- An incorrect brain was entered into your head
- This place does not exist anymore, or has been filled
- You're trying to take someone else's place even though Manaica has made it clear no more are to be posted.

If you still cannot find what you are looking for, you can simply go away, or wait for Battle National Animals III and try to get a place then.

Ok... that was probably a bit mean. Still... this stuff is getting on my nerves.

lol, welcome to the internet and a forum where nobody reads further than the first and last posts. Actually, it seems to be the standard in most forums rather than the exception.....

maybe, Maniaca, you could change the title or edit your first post to say no more entries are being accepted.

Then could you please insert Cormi and it's Wolverine into Battle Animals 3?

Sorry everyone, I said I was going to post more fights, and it turns out I've posted none. Sorry again. Now it's too late to post a fight tonight, but hopefully I'll remember to do one first thing in the morning.

***a sudden gust of wind and the slow rise of a mushroom cloud in the distance indicate that the battle is over and a swamp has been erased from the landscape. Did the brave wombat meet his end?.......the crowd draws a breath and holds it, awaiting for the results.....the crowd is turning blue......the crowd falls over and starts kicking on the ground due to lack of oxygen.....***

OOC: SORRY AGAIN. The day after I posted my previous message, my computer screwed up and I had to get my hard drive reformatted. And Beerbongz, maybe you don't understand, but I'm the dude who RPs all the matches. But this one is okay, because that match was pretty much a throwaway coin flip. (actually, now that I read more carefully, I don't know whether yall were RPing the thing or just setting me up. Moving on.....) In fact, I'll flip a coin. If the nuke wins, he gets to go on, but not to win the second round. If the wombat wins, he gets to go on. The rest of the matches though, let me do it. Because I'm the only objective observer here, correct, seeing as how I don't have an animal in the match? eh? See now? Now, Wombat is heads, nuke is tails. I'll flip it now....Okay, it's flipped. The coin that was flipped was a US Bicentennial Quarter Dollar. Believe it or not, that was the first coin I found.

IC: Hello, I'm the ring announcer, and welcome to the conclusion of the first battle of BNA II, between the chemically volatile Swamp Dragon, and the Burrowing Bruiser, Beerbongz Wombat. The Swamp Dragon exploded, and if the Wombat is not found alive, the Dragon will be declared the winner, and now the opponent who will be set to face him will have a free second round.

*several minutes pass*

A team of men in large protective suits has signalled that the swamp dragon has won, and that his defensive tactic is a success! Of course, he will not be able to compete in the second round, and the next opponent will have a free passing.

WINNER: SWAMP DRAGON

ELIMINATED: BEERBONGZ WOMBAT

OOC: Alexias, go ahead, Yala, your opponent is Cat, representative of Hakopam. Whoo, first match, the tourney is underway.

lol. guess we have to start some form of genetic engineering/breeding program in time for the next comp. Create new 'Nuke Proof' Wombats. I'd congratulate the swamp dragon but..well.....you know......you can't congratulate something thats been vaporized.

Actually, for any other animal, the best way to check if they survive is -

Step 1 - Get a gambling token
Step 2 - Put the token in a slot machine
Step 3 - Pull lever

The other-than-swamp-dragon animal survives if you hit jackpot.

nice fight

A somewhat explosive battle.

I'm glad Cat wasn't around...

My wyvern will rip thruogh the competition, maniacal laughter.
Hey when's my Wyvern's first meal, you see he longs for fresh blood soaked meat, and an enemy to bathe his beak and talons in, maniacal laughter.

OOC: I guess we're starting with the East Bracket first then. Fine with me.

IC: Hello, I'm the ring announcer, and welcome to Battle National Animals! Tonight's first round match is between the Lioness and the Huzeny Grey Wolf. Here we go!

The Wolf and the Lioness circle each other. The Lioness jumps high up into the air, but the Wolf deftly dodges beneath the Lioness' jumping arc. The Lioness' claws grip the mat strongly. The Wolf keeps his head low, his eyes focused on the Lioness. The Wolf strikes! He bites for the Lioness' neck, but the Lioness quickly dodges, and the Wolf ends up merely grabbing a small fold of skin on the Lioness' body. After some tussling, the animals come free. Both animals lunge for each other's necks and are quickly locked in the other's crushing jaws. The Lioness flails wildly at the Wolf's head with her massive paws, letting go of the Wolf's neck. The Wolf is battered badly, and appears to be unable to continue fighting. It looks over folks, and yes, it is now over, the referee signals. The Lioness is the winner. I have with me Nat Ural, who will tell us about the implications of this fight. So Nat, what do you make of the Lioness beating the Wolf?

"Well Ring, these animals seemed to be very evenly matched, with a similar body structure and tooth alignment. However it's my knowledge that wolves are more suited to stealth fighting, less open ranged deals. The Wolf performed admirably, it's just that the fighting style of the tournament does not suit the preferred fighting style of the wolf. It doesn't suit the style of the Lioness either, but she is bigger and has more muscles in her limbs."

Insightful words, Nat. I hope you will be able to join us for the future fights. In the meantime....

WINNER: LIONESS

ELIMINATED: HUZENY GREY WOLF

Booing, "That fight was fixed" "Yeah lets charge the stage" "No, I'm too fat" "Same here" "Agreed we all get fast food?" "Agreed", riot is contaned. maniacal laughter maniacal laughter maniacal laughter

damn you! i bet my grans house on that fight and now shes homeless. Booooooo!

the masamune would like to fight it's a huge mutant dragon

the masamune would like to fight it's a huge mutant dragon

The masamune would do us a favor and barbecue you. Read the first post.

the masamune would like to fight it's a huge mutant dragon

Although now that I think about it, maybe you weren't trying to enter your animal. In that case...the masamune would do us a favor and have you baked into a fruitcake. Make your comments more intelligent.

Hey Maniaca, let my guy go next, come on be a pal, Silver Beak is hungery.

Heh... Homeless Madman versus the Scaled Avians... Take 2!

Well... Technically it's a large bird... I guess...

Seeing as how "Joe" got himself killed last time, maybe he'll win this time... Start with "Oh God, Please don't let me die today! Tomorrow would be SO much better" (- Spathi Morning Prayer, Star Control), and work your way up.

Not to be annoying but when r the new battles gonna happen?

Sorry. I've been having computer trouble. Again. I'll try and post a fight this afternoon.

hmmm

I mean THIS afternoon.

fair enough

Hello, I'm the ring announcer, and welcome to another match in Battle National Animals two, this time between Cat and Yalaluxurian Pot Bellied Pig. The Pig, weighing in at almost 900 pounds, is not very mobile, and appears to be well suited to the strategy, "let 'em come to you." Let's get started. The Pig backs up against the ropes, and surveys the ring. He locates that Cat, and locks on. The Cat Is dancing around, trying to catch the pig off guard. Feigning strike, the Cat is appearing to mess with the pig. The Pig strikes with his claws, but the Cat dodges as the Pig falls over. The Cat jumps on the Pig's back, and rakes his claws through the Pig's fat. It appears to have some effect on the Pig, but not as much as would be expected. The Pig rolls over and the Cat jumps for his belly, but the Pig kicks out with all his claws, sending the Cat hurtling. The Pig rights himself, and the battle assumes the demeanor it was displaying at the start of the match. This time the Cat jumps up high, and attacks the Pig's back before he has time to dodge! The Cat latches on to the Pig's fat, and begins to maul him. The match is called in favor of the Hakopam Cat. With me again is Nat Ural, to discuss the implications of the match. So Nat, what happened here?

"Well, this was pretty much a no-brainer, the way it was matched up. The Cat was in control the whole time, simply because the Pig had to wait for him to come. If The Cat was feeling a bit tired, he could have ran off to the corner to take a rest. The Pig was simply not suited to fight a quick opponent, and would have faired better against a larger, heavier, slower opponent."

So there you have it.

WINNER: GENERIC HAKOPAM CAT

ELIMINATED: YALALUXURIAN POT-BELLIED PIG

OOC: To everyone eliminated so far: You all had good animals, so stick around and enter the next one, if you like.

WINNER: GENERIC HAKOPAM CAT


Ah, the sweet smell of victory. Meow!

Wooh!

hmmm maybe i need an uber dragon with built in armor and machine guns :p ! good fight il be back next time, thanks! :)

back at yalaluxurian traning camp:

drill sgt:get down and give me 1000!
pig: *groan*

two hours later:

pig: *groan* finaly done
drill sgt: I want 400 sit ups and ran 50 laps around the track

five hours later:

pig: *groan* d-done *collapses onto ground*
drill sgt: i want you to go through the obtacle course Z4, and keep going till you make under 1 minute!

ten hours later:

pig: *struggles for breath* did it
drill sgt: follow me to the weight room
pig: y-yes sir
both: *walk to weight room*
drill sgt: i want bench presses and curls now 100 and 400 lbs.
pig: yes sgt.

three hours later:

pig: done
drill sgt: follow me
pig: yes sir *follows drill sgt. to small room*
drill sgt: sit down *points at chair*
pig: *sits down*
drill sgt: *locks pig into chair*
pig: wha-
drill sgt: eat, now!
yalisian soldier: *brings in huge cart of food*
pig: how much?
drill sgt: all
pig: what? no..
drill sgt: eat!

15 hours later:

pig: *burp* done
drill sgt: good *weighs pig*
drill sgt: hmm 900lbs. private i want 200lbs. of more food ASAP
drill sgt: call me when your done.

16 hours later:

pig: *burp* done *burp*
drill sgt: sleep! now! *brings in cot*

48 hours later:

pig: *yawn*
drill sgt: okay new assignment, pig
pig: why do you call me pig my name is lawrence?
drill sgt: shut up
pig: yes sir
drill sgt: as i was saying your new assignment will be to eat every day till you are 2000 lbs. then exercize and lose 100lbs then keep repeating that untill our next contest
pig: with this plan how heavy will i be at the time of the next contest?
drill sgt. 5000lbs.
pig: woah
drill sgt: get to it!
pig: yes sir *inward groan*

That would kind of cause the pig to have a heart attack and well. . . Be completely useless for the next round. . . Since it's already dead. . .

pig is deyad.

My Schrodingers Cat would be formidable opponent. Provided of course it’s not already dead from the radiation poisoning administered to it. Really the jury’s still out as to whether or not Schrodinger’s Cat is even alive, but if alive it’s a formidable opponent, although a little on the sickly side from the radiation.

-Koffee

I'll see if I can get another fight done tonight.

Wyvern training camp

"ok you filthy vern, get your tail up, and fly right"
"Roar"
"Ok, now pick up that tank, and drop it there."
"Roar"
"Ok, now pick up those two tanks, and drop them there."
"Roar"
"Good, now fly around the countinent."
*12 hours later*
"Roar"
"Good, now pick up those tanks and fly around the continent again."
*16 hours later*
"Roar, Roar"
"Good, now repeat untill you turn comes, by then you'll be able to take on a hundred dragons."
"Roar, Roar, Roar"

Hello, I'm the ring announcer, and welcome to the final east bracket round 1 match, between Mechadragon and GodDamnLochNessMonster, known through BNA matchups as "Nessie." Let's go ringside and watch. Mechadragon boosts toward Nessie, but Nessie dodges and Mechadragon misses badly. Nessie quickly wraps his long neck around Mechadragon's. Mechadragon's girth is too heavy to move, but for right now, Mech is not very effective. Mech boosts for the ceiling and then bends downward, smacking Nessie into the ceiling, but Nessie keeps holding on, and now his weight is rocketing him towards the ground! Mechadragon slams into the ground hard, and Nessie finally relinquishes hold on him. Nessie is a bit woozy, Mechadragon is spitting sparks. Nessie rears his head up and yells "I NEED TREE FIDDY!" This has infuriated Mechadragon! Mechadragon flies up high in the air, preparing to dive bomb Nessie! Nessie is whirling his head about in a circle, trying to disorient Mechadragon. Mechadragon is coming straight for Nessie from above! Nessie jumps backwards, and Mechadragon's booster rocket propulsion rockets him straight into the tenth circle of hell. This match is over, Nessie is the victor! With me once again is Nat Ural, to discuss why Mechadragon lost, and why Nessie won. Nat?

"Well, the Mechadragon is really big, and uses booster rockets to fly. The thing is, the match is held within a ring, within a building. There just simply wasn't enough room for the Mechadragon to be affective. Nessie is very flexible, and was good at evading the Mechadragon's straight on attacks. Adding to that, the Mechadragon is not very maneuverable, making it not very accurate. It will be interesting to see Nessie versus the Hakopam Cat in the next round."

Thanks Nat, I'll see you all for the next fight, we begin to break down the West Bracket!

that was a new pig (lawrence) the last one was porky
and yalaluxirain pigs can stand that kind of stuff (sorta)

That one was fairly predictable, seeing as how Mechadragon was really far past the "Uber-uber" line. You know, the 2km one?

hehehe, 2KM, hehehe

2 miles, hehehe, beat you, hehehe

I think I might take the night off, although I may find time to post a fight.

So uber it lost.... A sad story :p

Muhahahah no one can stop the GodDamnLochnessMonster

But Silver Wing the Wyvern, you mean, hehe.

Name: Integumentum hylaus "Glass bottle beetle"
Average Lifespan: 5 to 7 years
Description: Often mistaken for a glass bottle. This mutant strain of mimic beetle has evolved from life near silicon deposits, and has a glass-like carapace.
Diet: Comsumes minerals, with a preference towards silicon.
Defensive Capabilities: Hardened glass-like mineral shell, Powerful mandibles used for rock crushing to obtain vital elements and compounds.
Special notes: Stomach contains extremely potent acid, which it uses to digest said minerals. Mandibles withdraw into "bottle" when not in use. Shell primarily made up of Carbon and Silicon. Has been known to attempt to consume shiny objects.
Height: 7-10cm
Weight: 500g-1kg
Length: 30-40cm
Senses: Touch (senses vibrations in ground and air) and sight (mineral finding)
Pam Am is gonna be upset!

Wha?? Can you explain why Pan am will be upset?

I don't get it.

they're not taking any more competors, if you want in then you'll have to wait for BNA3

Sorry, I had a busy day yesterday. I'll get to one this evening, promise.

Double Wha??? If you're talking about me, I was in on the first page! Now I'm really confused.

Double Wha??? If you're talking about me, I was in on the first page! Now I'm really confused.
Uh, no I was talkin to someone else, calm down, geehs

OOC: Correct me if I'm wrong, I think Draco thought the quote about Pan Am being upset was another entrant, not realizing it was you. I think that dude talking about Pan Am being upset meant that since your bottle beetle likes silicon, that Pan Am won't have enough for whatever it is they do.

IC: Hello, I'm the ring announcer and welcome to The first first round battle of the West Bracket between Homeless Madman and Great Wyvern. Great Wyvern clearly is the favorite based on Homeless Madman's loss against Ryuu in the very first tournament, even considering Ryuu's severe beating at the hands of the late Joe. I think the Homeless Madman does have a good chance against the Great Wyvern this time though, just has to watch out for pointy objects. The competitor in this match has been named Joe Jr., in memory and honor of of Joe, the Homeless Madman who lost his life fighting Ryuu in the first tournament. In an interesting note, it is well documented that many animal activists across the world have become angered at Maniaca for this tournament, but we have simply put the blame on the nations who put their animals in the ring. (That would be why you've had an unusual number of hippied in tye-dyed shirts knocking on your door in the past weeks) With the announcement of this fight, we have also gotten many complaints from homeless advocates, and human activists. Our government, who supports, but does not fund the tournament has issued the following statement: "This tournament keeps the Homeless of Alexias off drugs," obviously overlooking the fact that Joe and his descendant continually bring booze with them to the tournament. The homeless advocates have clearly not investigated the matter. Enough chit-chat, let's go ringside!

Joe Jr. takes a final swill of Jack Daniel's from his bottle, and bares his yellowing, even blacking teeth. The Great Wyvern flies up in the air and begins to dive with furious speed! Joe Jr. dives forward, and the Wyvern pulls up and flies back up. Learning from that encounter, the Wyvern comes in with his talons at the still prostrate Joe Jr.! Joe rolls, the Wyvern swipes but comes up with nothing but mat. Joe Jr. rights himself and tosses a knife at the Wyvern, but misses, nearly hitting me in the booth. The Wyvern comes down to the mat now, not risking another failed dive attack. The Wyvern lunges with his beak, biting Joe Jr.'s shoulder! Joe Jr., apparently annoyed but unfazed, breaks his Jack Daniel's bottle over Wyvern's head! Wyvern lets go, hurt, and begins to fly away but delivers a parting shot-a poke in Joe Jr.'s side with his wtinger. Joe Jr. steps back and hunches over, quickly removing another bottle of hard liquor. He guzzles the entire thing quickly, and then vomits buckets over the edge of the ring, as the Wyvern recovers from the blow. Joe appears to have purged the poison from his digestive system, and it appears his blood alcohol level is buffering the poison in his blood stream! Joe Jr. is saved. Joe Jr. hurls two knives at the Wyvern, one which cuts into the Wyvern's foot, the other nearly, once again, hitting me as I announce the fight. Joe Jr.'s arm is bleeding out blood, a very strange dark red/purple color. Wyvern comes into strike and pins Joe beneath his talons! He reaches towards Joe Jr.'s face with his beak, but Joe smashes his other bottle over Wyvern's face, then sticks Joe Jr.'s chest with the previously broken and pocketed one, then stabs the Wyvern, and after all three fighting implements have been used, flails at the Wyvern with his closed fists, the Wyvern, maimed, finally relinquishes, and flies away, toward the medical ward. Joe takes another swill of Jack Daniel's, then follows the Wyvern, in need of an antidote, and many stitches. The game has been called in favor of Joe Jr., who will continue on to face the winner of the next fight! Nat Ural couldn't make it today, we will join him tomorrow in between matches.

WINNER: HOMELESS MADMAN

ELIMINATED: GREAT WYVERN

OOC: No uber-uber reasons here, Great Wyvern's an okay dude, as shown by the match, just was outmatched by the homeless madman's blood alcohol level.

Ring side coach, "Use your tail, Silver Beak, use your tail!"

Ring side coach, "Use your tail, Silver Beak, use your tail!"

Gah, my bad. My brother came and turned off the computer, I posted the incomplete message in a last ditch attempt to save my work. I didn't see your post ever, and now it looks stupid.

Ring side coach, "I doubt Joe will find any antidote, the poison is nerological and is working it's way threw Joes spine as we speak, hah, joe will die in 24 hours, while Silver Beak will live to play another day, hahahaha"

I see. Thanks for clearing it up. I wonder if Joe Jr. will end up being a forced alcoholic (as if he doesn't want to be... no doctor's orders!) in a bid to delay the toxins until a cure is found. I doubt he will be eliminated just like that, but it'll probably come back to haunt him.

OOC: Watch this space for a fight tonight!

Beatifull fight! Beautifull fight!

Ring side coach, "I doubt Joe will find any antidote, the poison is nerological and is working it's way threw Joes spine as we speak, hah, joe will die in 24 hours, while Silver Beak will live to play another day, hahahaha"


Now that's rather unfair, I must say, and very unsportmanlike. The match is over, we all must abide by the outcome, I did last time aswell.





And you must also take into account, like Hakurubi said, the amount of poison he voluntarily consumes.

Well I did put it on my animals abilities, so it's fair, hehe

Oh man, I wish I had entered my über Star Dragon which is the incarnate manifestation of the wrathful and all powerful Yaweh of the Judeo-Christian faiths. He would pwn j00 g00|)!@!!!!!1211shiftone

Well I did put it on my animals abilities, so it's fair, hehe


so did I.

Therefore, my immunity to such a poison would be fair.

Just like that Russian guy, what was his name? He was a Russian peasent who was full famous and crazy, you know the guy?

Oh man, I wish I had entered my über Star Dragon which is the incarnate manifestation of the wrathful and all powerful Yaweh of the Judeo-Christian faiths. He would pwn j00 g00|)!@!!!!!1211shiftone



Obviously you don't know how this works.

Hello, I'm the ring announcer, and welcome to a first round matchup between The defending galaxy champion Laughing Hyena and the challenger Korinthian Terrier, the Hyena is the favorite by a slight margin, considering his title win in the last tournament. Let's go ringside!

The Hyena's glowing eyes level on his spiky opponent. They charge towards the middle, but the Hyena, noticing his opponent's knivey(sp?) back, wisely jumps up and over. The two animals circle the ring, waiting for a chance to attack. The Terrier clearly has the right to be more aggressive, considering his defenses. The Terrier begins to tighten the circle, the Hyena stops, reverses, and encounters the Terrier! The terrier jumps, but the Hyena swats it away from his hind legs with a swing of his paw. The Terrier is lying on his back now, beginning to recover stance, but with the Terrier's underside exposed, the Hyena quickly buries his teeth into the Terrier's belly. A yelp is heard as the Terrier flails wildly with his front and hind legs, until finally escaping from the Hyena. The Terrier, infuriated, charges for the Hyena, who is forced to back off onto his rear legs as the Terrier charges forward with his spiky shoulder leading. The Terrier's fur becomes embedded for a few moments in the Hyena's chest, but the Hyena kicks the Terrier away with his rear leg before he can shock the Hyena. Winded, the Terrier is once again on his back. Just before the Hyena bites down again, the match is called in favor of the Hyena! The Hyena wins! Nat Ural, what say you? "Just a match of blood, sweat and tears, and the Hyena comes out on top." There you have it!

WINNER: LAUGHING HYENA

ELIMINATED: KORINTHIAN TERRIER

Obviously you don't know how this works.Acute observation.

Oh man, I wish I had entered my über Star Dragon which is the incarnate manifestation of the wrathful and all powerful Yaweh of the Judeo-Christian faiths. He would pwn j00 g00|)!@!!!!!1211shiftone

Alexias was right, here uber loses, just look at the mechdragon ;) !

Acute observation.
why, thank you.

Alexias was right, here uber loses, just look at the mechdragon ;) !

Of course. I'm ALWAYS right.

The sooner everyone understands that, the sooner I'll own a sportscar....I mean, there will be world peace.

Hello, I'm the ring announcer, and welcome to a first round matchup between The defending galaxy champion Laughing Hyena and the challenger Korinthian Terrier, the Hyena is the favorite by a slight margin, considering his title win in the last tournament. Let's go ringside!

The Hyena's glowing eyes level on his spiky opponent. They charge towards the middle, but the Hyena, noticing his opponent's knivey(sp?) back, wisely jumps up and over. The two animals circle the ring, waiting for a chance to attack. The Terrier clearly has the right to be more aggressive, considering his defenses. The Terrier begins to tighten the circle, the Hyena stops, reverses, and encounters the Terrier! The terrier jumps, but the Hyena swats it away from his hind legs with a swing of his paw. The Terrier is lying on his back now, beginning to recover stance, but with the Terrier's underside exposed, the Hyena quickly buries his teeth into the Terrier's belly. A yelp is heard as the Terrier flails wildly with his front and hind legs, until finally escaping from the Hyena. The Terrier, infuriated, charges for the Hyena, who is forced to back off onto his rear legs as the Terrier charges forward with his spiky shoulder leading. The Terrier's fur becomes embedded for a few moments in the Hyena's chest, but the Hyena kicks the Terrier away with his rear leg before he can shock the Hyena. Winded, the Terrier is once again on his back. Just before the Hyena bites down again, the match is called in favor of the Hyena! The Hyena wins! Nat Ural, what say you? "Just a match of blood, sweat and tears, and the Hyena comes out on top." There you have it!

WINNER: LAUGHING HYENA

ELIMINATED: KORINTHIAN TERRIER


HURRAH!!!!

Nice fight.

.

Just like that Russian guy, what was his name? He was a Russian peasent who was full famous and crazy, you know the guy?[/QUOTE]

His name was Rasputin dude, that was one tough son of a bitch.

.

Just like that Russian guy, what was his name? He was a Russian peasent who was full famous and crazy, you know the guy?

His name was Rasputin dude, that was one tough son of a bitch.[/QUOTE]


That's the one!

Actually, he may not have been as tough as they make him out to be.

When that group invited him for dinner, they fed him cake laced with a poison.

But, Rasputin was a heavy drinker, and drink so much that he had near no digestive juices, so there was no way for him to digest the poison.

And so they got pissed and cut him up.

And so they got pissed and cut him up.

That should be the end to so many folk and fairy tales: The wolf couldn't blow down the pig's home, so he got pissed and cut him up. THE END.

Cinderella's sisters always made fun of her...so she got pissed and cut them up. THE END.

Yeah, that's funny, don't you think? I'll try and do a fight tonight, I'm not up for it right now, but I don't have to go to bed 'till late tonight because I don't have school tomorrow.

That should be the end to so many folk and fairy tales: The wolf couldn't blow down the pig's home, so he got pissed and cut him up. THE END.

Cinderella's sisters always made fun of her...so she got pissed and cut them up. THE END.

Yeah, that's funny, don't you think? I'll try and do a fight tonight, I'm not up for it right now, but I don't have to go to bed 'till late tonight because I don't have school tomorrow.


Sorry if you took it wrong.

I didn't mean to be like that, I was just saying what happened.

Sorry if you took it wrong.

I didn't mean to be like that, I was just saying what happened.

I know, I know. I just think it's funny.

I know, I know. I just think it's funny.

oh, I see.

Actually after he was given the poison they took him into a room and locked him in there, later when they checked on him he got up and in a panic they shot him 3 times i think, then he started to get up again so they beat the crap out of him to the point where his brain was exposed. Then they took him the the river tied his hands behind him wrapped him in a blanket and gave him "cement shoes", however once his body was recovered there were rope burn marks which shoes that he regained conciousness when he hit the water and tried to escape. As i said before one tough son of a bitch.

Actually after he was given the poison they took him into a room and locked him in there, later when they checked on him he got up and in a panic they shot him 3 times i think, then he started to get up again so they beat the crap out of him to the point where his brain was exposed. Then they took him the the river tied his hands behind him wrapped him in a blanket and gave him "cement shoes", however once his body was recovered there were rope burn marks which shoes that he regained conciousness when he hit the water and tried to escape. As i said before one tough son of a bitch.



There are alot of different theories, probably une vingtaine or more.

One said that he was attacked by a throng of frenzied nobleman at dinner, where they stabbed him with forks, shot him, stabbed him with knives, ran him through witha haldbard, set him on fire and dumped him into a vat of acid, but the attack was so fast(as they were so afraid of him) that they never actually knew what killed him.

I really don't know what to belive.

But, one disgusting detail, his reproductive organs(some of the inards part aswell) are preserved in a jar, at a erotica museum in Russia.

The owners are oh so proud, saying that now they have beat america, who has Napoleon's genitals at the Smithsonian.


My question is, Why?

One said that he was attacked by a throng of frenzied nobleman at dinner, where they stabbed him with forks, shot him, stabbed him with knives, ran him through witha haldbard, set him on fire and dumped him into a vat of acid, but the attack was so fast(as they were so afraid of him) that they never actually knew what killed him.


Never heard that one before.

Never heard that one before.



That's surprising. It a pretty famous one.

There's just to many theories though. I don't like it.



Were it me, I would have just hired someone else to do it. A soldier or something.

*waves hand to let others know is still alive and will update thread in future.*

*breathes a sigh of relief*
Whewf. I almost thought that JUST when my animal is about to go up... the thread died.

Welcome to Battle National Animals II, a first round fight, I'm the ring announcer, and this is a first round match between the laid back pack rat Desert Oppossum, and the cool, carnivorous....coolivorous canine, Beagle! Let's go ringside!

The Desert Possum washes down a cheeseburger with a swill of lite beer, then hunches low, ready to fight. The beagle hooks a poisonous spike on his tail, then bends down. The beagle rushes towards the Possum with his teeth bared, then jumps! The Possum falls down backwards defensively, the beagle falls down on him, but before he can strike, the Possum, in a show of strength, smacks him away. The Possum stands back up, the beagle comes again, this time he whips his tail spike around! The Possum raises his clawed arm, stopping the tail, then, in quick succession, lunges out with his other claw and inflicts a wound in the beagle. The beagle retreats, but he Possum won't give ground. The beagle runs out of running room, backed against the ropes. The Possum puts his hands out to protect from being spiked by the beagle's tail, then leans fow belly flops on the beagle! Under the Possum's large wad of fat, the beagle cannot be seen, except for his tail, which is being pinned down by the Possum's hands! The game is called, the Possum wins! He is pulled off of the beagle, who is, miraculously, still alive! What a fight. With me is Nat Ural, once again. Nat, what do you make of this? "Well, I think in the beginning of the fight the beagle was too aggressive. He was probably brought up fighting other beagles, who move around a lot, as opposed to this beach rodent, who just stood in place for the most part and deflected the shots at the beginning. The beagle allowed himself to get hit there at the start, which set him up for ultimate failure." Thanks, Nat, very insightful as always.

WINNER: DESERT OPPOSUM

ELIMINATED: THE BEAGLE

Nice... Yay! Glassy's next!

Im new what does Uber mean... :confused:

Krazie
The Republic of Krazie

"ÜBER" essentially is a prefix denoting something ludicrously powerful, like a tank with a gun that shoots through everything and armour that stops everything. Something designed to be unstoppable. Then, it gets [A], blasted by several thousand I.G.N.O.R.E. Cannons which basically ignore a country altogether, or [B] gets teamed up on and vaporised using some design flaw (ie. In the prior Ubertank, you could take control of one and shoot the others - messy.)

Huzzah!

Damn, too late to enter mine

The Dubyachimp
Description: Current President of the United States
Size: Somewhat shorter than the Kerrydonkey
IQ: Kept secret from most voters, but is speculated to be in the range of 40-70. However, he is often controlled by the more intelligent (and evil) Cheney-elephant
Lifespan: A complex formula based on how much cocaine he snorted in the 70s, how many people he REALLY pisses off, how many more terrorists his idiotic foreign policy creates, and the curse of the zero, which may or may not have been "broken" by the ReaganEagle. :sniper:
Most often found: Vacationing in Crawford, TX or "working hard" in Washington DC. Was recently seen often in Florida, Ohio and Pennsylvania, but has all but vanished from these areas since Nov. 2

Strengths: Commands the world's most powerful military (scary, eh?). Rich and powerful daddy. Has a lot of oil, and friends with a lot of oil. Claims to have a mandate of 51% of American voters. Though he is unintelligent, he is for the most part controlled by the more intelligent Cheney-elephant. Not afraid to put troops in harms way for false reasons. Causes liberals to go into an acute state of depression after an election victory. Surrounded by people smarter than himself, and has strong ties to Halliburton, Diebold and Fox News. Uses a cunning ally in the form of KarlRoverat to assist with dirty tricks. Good at stealing elections.
:mp5: :mp5: :sniper: :sniper:

Weaknesses: Incompetent, unintelligent (his only intellectual equal is the Quayle-potatoe), says A LOT of stupid stuff, 48% of American voters didn't vote for him, though he tries to look tough, he has no actual military experience due to his use of his rich daddy to avoid the draft. His policies resemble hitting a brick wall, then continuing to bang his head on it until the wall goes away (possibly resulting in the low intelligence)
:headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

if i were you i wouldn't have done that... Alexias will go berserk :gundge: :mp5: :sniper: . i would edit it out if i were u ;). and even if alexias dosent i still wouldn't because you will get everyone else mad at you

or at least aplogise :rolleyes:

however funny it may be :p :D

Woohooo! The Dhulus ensamble of very diverse people take hold of the beach rodent, raise him up into the air over their heads, and carry him out to celebrate at one of the night clubs that they passed to get to the arena.

"You're drinks are on us.... And if we find a couple good women for you... You'll heal up in no time at all buddie..." Can be heard strung together by the shouts of several people as they congradulate the Desert Opposum and leave the arena.

Can i still submitt an entry???

Okay, mine is the sea cucumber

the sea cucumber is extremely smart, and moves, thouigh somewhat slowly. It looks like a real cucumber, but is inedibal and fustrates all of its predetors by its constant moving. Its predetors usually die of frustration.

The sea cucumber is also able to frolic on land or swim in the sea, so it is never backed into a corner. It camoflauges well, and can move for days w/out needing a break.


Its tough exterior protects it from most arracks, and its size makes it difficult to spot



Not sure if its too late, but if it is, cn mine be enetered into the next competition???

if i were you i wouldn't have done that... Alexias will go berserk :gundge: :mp5: :sniper: . i would edit it out if i were u ;). and even if alexias dosent i still wouldn't because you will get everyone else mad at you

Well, I am interested in Battle National Animals (hopefully I can enter for #3), and it really is my national animal (look it up under "Latouria"), and thought I'd have some fun and participate next time, but I missed the part about not posting any more animals that we may want to enter in #3. Even though I realized that I was too late for entry into this one, I was hoping to kinda "show off" my national animal for next time, and show support for these battles, and the demand for slots. I'm sorry for any annoyance that I caused, and I hope that I can still enter in #3.

And I am glad that you found it funny. :D

Sqirrels are a threat to sisioty !!!!!

jUST JOKING !!!!!!!

GREECELOT :)

OOC: Yeeaaah, none of the late entrants posted here are going to be transferred without reposting it on the new thread, if I even decide to make one which I probably will, but maybe not for a while, because as you've probably noticed, I have some trouble keeping up with the threads. Although I'll send invites to the ones I like, like Bavarian Eagle back there. Tomorrow's Friday, so I'll have lots of time to make a good fight between Glass Bottle Beatle and that other dude.

Yah guys, wait for the next one instead of ruining this thread.

Unless your making a perticularly funny joke, in wich case I won't mind. I don't know about Maniaca, but if it's funny, I'm game.

But you can't just think it's funny, I have to think it's funny, as I'm more important than anyone somehow.

Hello, I'm the ring announcer, and welcome to the final first round match of the Battle National Animals II tournament. Tonight's match is between the Glass Bottle Beatle and Kelonian Guinea Pig! Let's go ringside!

The Glass Bottle Beatle stands at a minute 9 centimeters versus the relatively large Kelonian Guinea Pig. The Pig begins to waltz towards the Beatle, who immediately withdraws into his bottle. The pig, curious, is rolling the bottle around. I have to say, this isn't the most intriguing fight I've witnessed....in fact.....Hey, Tony! Go get me a hot dog! Here's a five, keep the change! Yeah, with ketchup!....Oh, now it's getting interesting! The Beatle has been tossed up into the air! Will his shell hold? Hey, he fell on the Pig! He returns to battle mode and grabs on to the Pig's fur with his mandibles! The Pig is going crazy now, flailing his arms and rubbing his back against the mat, trying to get the Beatle off. It seems as though the Beatle is trying to eat the Pig, and of course failing, but it's still doing the trick. The Pig is jumping and bucking now, and finally gets the beatle to fly off. He flies high up in the air....and comes down and smacks his bottle against the mat. He appears to be okay though. The Pig runs toward the beatle and plows into him, sending him skipping across the mat. The Beatle finally comes to rest, out of his bottle in full battle mode. The Pig rushes toward him, and the beatle withdraws and the Pig misses. The Beatle is gone from sight now, under the Pig....now the pig is going wild! He is kicking his leg wildly and has left the ring! I don't know where he's going, or where the Beatle is, but the match has rightfully been called in favor of the Beatle. The Pig has been stopped now....and it appears the Beatle grabbed onto the back of the Pig's leg with his mandibles and clamped down hard. The Beatle has been declared the winner! With me is Nat Ural, as just about always. Well Nat? "This was a shocker, Ring. It really was a tough one to call, considering neither animal brings much to the table combat wise, but based on the Beatle's size, you'd have to choose the Pig. Choosing the Beatle is kind of like choosing a tortoise over a hare...but then again we know how that one turned out. I suppose the Glass Bottle Beatle just mimicked the tactics of all furred animals' natural enemy, the tick. Clamp onto the fur with your mandibles and don't let go." Thanks Nat, and thank you, for tuning in. Join us next time for the elite eight!

WINNER: GLASS BOTTLE BEATLE

ELIMINATED: KELONIAN GUINEA PIG

OOC: Here's the Bracket for the Top Eight:

Homeless Madman
Laughing Hyena

The Desert Oppossum
Glass Bottle Beatle
--------------------------------
Swamp Dragon(IR)
Lioness

Cat
GodDamnLochNessMonster

Note that because Swamp Dragon now lives only in memory and mutant nuclear waste, Lioness wins automatically, and is guaranteed a spot in the semi finals.

Damned and blast.....ok, so we've established that a suicide bomber might not work out.

If you wanted to be cruel, you can have the Lioness try to eat the ash left over and choke. But that would be stupid.

Still... "The winner is the remains of the swamp dragon!"

fum

OOC: Sorry for the wait, but I've had a busy few days, and remember, there's an IC explanation for it. Everyone just won a match or lost it, so now there are parades through the nation's capital, and endorsement deals for everyone who won a match. Also, they got new oppponents, so they have to strategize.

In the meantime(I don't think I'll be able to fight tomorrow), RP parades, or bet.

Hey Maniaca would you mind if my pig comes back for BNA3? or would you rather have me not enter?

OOC: When does the next BNA start? Could you contact me when the next one opens up?

Hey Maniaca would you mind if my pig comes back for BNA3? or would you rather have me not enter?

I wouldn't mind at all, I'll send you a telegram when I get ready to start it up. Same to you Tomzilla, as long as your animal isn't some kind of doofus.

P.S. Because I like to actually answer the questions people ask me:

Tomzilla, I don't know when the next BNA will open yet, but certainly not until after we finish here. So keep watching this space, and I might start BNA 3 right away, or maybe wait a while.

I must admit, I should have had enough time to have a battle one of these past three days. But I promise I'll put one on tomorrow, and should be able to get another for Saturday and one for Sunday. Then we'll be almost done with the entire tournament! waoh!

were waiting................. :)

Hey, my bad. You know what, I don't think I'm gonna' be able to do fights very often, just 'cause I keep not doing it. I don't know, it's just kind of hard for me right now, it's weird. Hey, Alexias, if you want to take over for me for a while, go ahead and do the fights besides your own fight for me, and then I'll get back to it when I'm feeling...normal. If you can't, I'll figger it out.

hope you feel ...um..... normal, again. Best Wishes :)

Yala

I found a nickel.

I found a nickel.

OOC: Eh?

Well anyway, I'm back, and feeling normaler than ever. Amazing what a weekend will do. Anyway, now to see what battle is next on the docket.....

Cat vs. GodDamnLochNessMonster...

IC: Hello, I'm the ring announcer, and welcome to the very first ever quarterfinal fight in BNA II! Today's match is between Cat and GodDamnLochNessMonster. Let's go ringside!

Cat is amazingly outsized, but he doesn't seem to be discouraged. He jumps to Nessie, but Nessie flilps him away. Nessie rears his neck, up, and brings his head down like a hammer towards the Cat....The Cat moves amazingly quickly aside, and Nessie slams his head into the mat. Ouch! Nessie's not done, he swings his neck and head around like a jump rope on the mat, and manages to sweep Cat away, sending him barreling across the mat. I'd say the fast movement displayed by the Cat earlier was a demonstration of Cat's telepathic ability. He stopped time for a second and sidestepped. We didn't notice it, because that's how it works, I guess. I'm not a genius, although we might be able to get one in the booth...Yeah Tony! See if you can find one of them psychics and get 'em in here! I'll get you a bonus!...but woah, The Cat jumps on Nessie's back, and now Nessie's in trouble. The only way for him to get to the cat now would be to arch his neck all the way down to his back...The Cat bites down and Nessie flails wildly, causing the Cat to fly away! The advantage is difficult to determine at this point, although Nessie still appears fazed by that hammer blow at the beginning. The Cat jumps for Nessie head on, and BAM! Nessie delivers a backhanded slap that sends Cat careening laterally across the ring. That's super bowl commercial material right there. The Cat is dazed and confused. Nessie flops over to where he is rising from the mat. Nessie grabs him in his teeth, tosses him high up in the air(oh no, this isn't good), twirls his head around and bats him through the facility wall above the specatators! Let's look at that one again. Watch how Nessie grabs Cat and flips him up in the air. He brings his head down and around, then flicks it in a counter clockwise circle and hits the Cat out of midair, and onto I-90 northbound. The game has obviously been called in favor of Nessie. With me is Nat Ural, to discuss the match. Nat? "Well ring, size was an issue. You'd think perhaps the Cat's psycho power may have evened it out, but in this match he didn't have the stamina to keep time stopped for long periods of time, especially when he needed it most, after that backhand hit. Nessie handled the match beautifully, and used his most powerful weapon--his neck--incredibly well. Cat put up a good fight, but was simply too small, and too tired." Thanks for the analysis, and-woah! Who's this? It must be a psychic. Hello there, what can you tell us about altering the passage of time? "Time, like a babbling spring, moves only forward, and never back. As the wind blows over the creek, they become intertwined, but they never touch, as if two men in parallel worlds..." ....Yeah, thanks, that's very enlightening. Get this guy out of here, and check him into rehab. And thank you for watching, stay tuned for more electric battles, right here on Battle National Animals II!

Nice!

Again, nicely done! Once again thou hast dazzeled me with your........ghettofabulousness.......

were all happt to c u normal again, yay! :D

OOC: DUH! DUH DUH DUH! DUH DUH DUH! DUH Duh duhhh......[repeat]

IC: HELLO EVERYONE! I'm the ring announcer, and welcome to Battle National Animals II! Today's quarterfinal match is between Glass Bottle Beatle and the Desert Oppossum! Let's go ringside!

The Glass Bottle Beatle has withdrawn immediately into his bottle after hearing the sound the Possum makes when he walks. The Possum, delighted, kicks the bottle across the ring, bouncing it off the turnbuckle. The Possum chases after the rolling bottle and tries to butt-bounce on it...ouch! The Possum didn't gauge the bottle's toughness, and he just fell down really hard on a rock. Angry now, the Possum grabs the bottle and tries to smash it on the floor...but he misses and hits himself in the foot with it! The Beatle has exposed himself, and is crawling towards the Possum. The Possum does not appear to be totally here. He does nothing as the beatle climbs up to his head...and bites down! Uttering a shriek of pain, the Possum tears the Beatle off and throws him up in the air! The Possum, dazed, appears to be lying down to take a nap. The Beatle goes up, and he begins to come back down....he falls right on the Possum's head! ouch! The Possum has gotten up, and his eyes appear to have lost focus. He sees the bottled Beatle on the ground and has picked him up...now it seems like he's trying to drink the Beatle as if he was beer! The Possum unleashes a shreik of pain as though the Beatle has latched onto his mouth. The Beatle, however, has stopped moving. The Possum continues to shriek. This doesn't seem like it's going to end. The referee goes to remove the Beatle from the Possum's mouth...and it comes away like nothing! Apparently the Beatle was decapitated! I guess the Possum bit down. The mandibles are still stuck, clamped to the Possum's tongue, so that'll have to be removed by his staff. However the game has been called, in favore of the Desert Oppossum! Here's Nat Ural with his insightful insights. "Not much to say about this one. Who'd have thought being a drunk would help you win a fight? Well, I guess a lot of people would think that....good run for the Beatle, but really just didn't have enough weapons to keep it going."

WINNER: THE DESERT OPPOSSUM

ELIMINATED: GLASS BOTTLE BEATLE

I'll see everyone again!

00C: 0M6 73H 7HR33 D4Y W33K3ND 157 73H PWNZ463

What that means is, I might even be able to finish the entire tournament this weekend, unless my work ethic goes on vacation again. But even then, I don't know. I can't figure out who wins, the matches are too good.

Darn it. Ah well. Sure hope the bite leaves a legacy...

00C: 0M6 73H 7HR33 D4Y W33K3ND 157 73H PWNZ463

What that means is, I might even be able to finish the entire tournament this weekend, unless my work ethic goes on vacation again. But even then, I don't know. I can't figure out who wins, the matches are too good.

well exept for way back in the beggining, my pig eaisly lost..... man that was a fun thing to read

OOC: BLA BLAM BLAM!

IC: Hello everyone, Welcome to Battle National Animals II, a quarterfinal match between Laughing Hyena and Homeless Madman. This will be a nailbiter, The defending champion against an AP favorite. Let's go ringside!

The Homeless Madman, fully purged of the nerotoxin through some form of anti-poison poison and spinal tapping, downs a flask of vodka and bares his nails in an intimidating pose. The Hyena pounces, and punches Joe II to the floor! Joe II quickly gets up, and brandishes a switchblade. The Hyena shows his teeth, apparently provoking Joe II to stab him in the side. The Hyena bites down on Joe II's wrist, and in an attempt to come free, Joe drops the knife and spazzes out. His plan works, but now Joe II is knifeless. Joe II charges the Hyena! He grabs the Hyena around the shoulders and wrestles him to the ground! The Hyena is paralyzed now, he's waving his snout around powerfully, and hits Joe II hard in the temple, causing him to stand up and walk about dazily. The Hyena charges at his back, and rams his backside, causing him to fall over! Joe II reaches for a glass bottle on the floor which was tossed from his jacket, but the Hyena bites his hand off! Joe II thrusts his bloody stump at the Hyena's eyes, and the blood stings and blinds the Hyena! This is coming right down to the wire! Joe II grabs the Hyena in a headlock, but puts his face too close to the Hyena's jaws and is now locked inside the Hyena's powerful cakehole. Joe II, apparently acheiving a levelhead for the first time in years, calms down, and tries to wrench the Hyena's mouth open, and eventually is successful. Joe charges the Hyena once again and throws a kick out at the Hyena. The Hyena grabs Joe's foot, and whips him around! Joe's head hits the mat hard, causing him to be concussed! The game has been called! The Laughing Hyena will continue his quest for dynasty! Nat Ural couldn't be here today because he was mauled by a bear, keep him in your prayers.

WINNER: THE LAUGHING HYENA

ELIMINATED: HOMELESS MADMAN

And the semifinals will begin!

The Laughing Hyena
The Desert Oppossum
---------------------
GodDamnLochNessMonster
Lioness

OOC: THIS IS THE BRACKET FOR THE SEMIFINALS.

Business Deals???? :confused:

Now that that's taken care of....I'll get back to them battles right quick

*applause*

OOC: I might be able to do a battle today, but maybe not.

You ask, "If he's on right now, why don't you just do it?"

My response would be that a lot of thought goes into my battles, and I have to be in the right mood. :)

Ah, the bitter taste of defeat! Taste's sort of like American beer.




And thus ends the legacy of Joe the II, the undetoxable one.



Nice fight though!

OOC: I might be able to do a battle today, but maybe not.

You ask, "If he's on right now, why don't you just do it?"

My response would be that a lot of thought goes into my battles, and I have to be in the right mood. :)



Exactly. You can't rush art, people!

I think Dawood Ibrahim showed us that!

I would have thought you people would have learned a lesson from him.

OOC: AND WE'RE BACK!

IC: Welcome to Battle National Animals II! I'm the ring announcer, and welcome to today's semifinal match between GodDamnLochNessMonster and Lioness! Let's go Ringside!

Lioness gets down into the strike position, and Nessie makes himself as tall as possible. Jumping forward, Nessie brings his open mouth down to the floor, and nearly snatches the Lioness up in his jaws! The Lioness dodges, and claws Nessie's lowered head! ouch! Nessie throws his head up, and backs away. Apparently thinking of some kind of new plan of attack, Nessie moves toward Lioness, and swings his head around like a clock! His head makes contact with Lioness' torso, sending her skipping, but also apparently rattling his own brain. Taking advantage of each of their dazed states, Nessie sweeps his neck under Lioness' torso, and flings her high up in the air! Nessie catches her on the bottom side of his neck, and begins to roll her up. Lioness is now constricted by Nessie's neck, and is trying to claw her way out. Nessie bends his head to one side, so that Lioness' hind legs nearly grip the mat...then swings his neck back and smashes Lioness' head into the mat! OWWWW! Nessie relinquishes control, apparently tired of Lioness' constant efforts to escape. Lioness, now thoroughly dazed, jumps up at Nessie's torso, and grips on with all five possible grippers! Nessie reaches back with his neck, plucks the Lioness up by the scruff, and throws her out of the ring. This one's over folks. With me is Nat Ural, fully recovered after that tragic accident. Good to have you back Nat. Well? "Well ring, Nessie again was very big. It was possible for Lioness to win because of her sheer power, but Nessie eliminated that with the neck wrap tactic. It will be interesting, if Laughing Hyena wins the next round, to see what will happen in the finals match, because the structure of the two animals is very similar.

WINNER: GODDAMNLOCHNESSMONSTER

ELIMINATED: LIONESS

OOC: Sorry everyone, I have a ton of crap due on Monday. I don't know if I'll be able to get another fight done until...gosh, Tuesday.

Good fight.

Indeed.

OOC: Days go by, and still I think of you.....but I do nothing, because I'm a lazy a bu-u-um...lazyyyy bum.

Indeed.

Go GodDamnLochNessMonster. I will put in an animal when the third one starts up. I am always late to this things.

This looks interesting, when will the next one start?

WELCOME, everyone, to the final semifinal match of Battle National Animals II. I'm the ring announcer, and the winner of today's match between the defending champion Laughing Hyena and the Desert Oppossum will go on to face GodDamnLochNessMonster in the Galactic Championship match. Let's go ringside!

The Desert Possum bares his claws, and throws a punch at the Hyena, who ducks his head below it, and throws his head up, knocking the hand away. The Possum throws a quick punch across the side of the Hyena's face! Then with the other hand! The Hyena is bleeding now, and he appears to be overcome by pain and rage! He charges blindly at the Possum, leaps for his neck and clamps down! He holds on for a few seconds, but the Possum throws out an arm and punctures the Hyena's body with his claws, causing him to let go. The Hyena now appears to be more sobered, if not in better condition. The Hyena begins running in circles, not around the Possum, just in circles....interesting. The Possum begins to advance toward the circle...the Hyena picks up speed and grabs the Possum, dragging him around in the same circle! The Possum begins to shake loose, but before he comes free, the Hyena hurls him across the ring! The Possum runs toward the Hyena, and tries to bite him with his toxic teeth, but the Hyena smacks him with a lateral swing of his head, causing him to drop to the ground. The Possum swipes the underbelly of the Hyena from the ground, but that's a bad idea! The Hyena rears up on his hind legs, and comes down hard, a paw on each limb and his mouth pinning the Possum's neck to the floor. The Possum seems hopeless....blood is still seeping from the Hyena's face, and is beginning to show red on his underbelly, but he has the Possum at his mercy. I'd call the game, the Possum could die if the Hyena bites down, but the game has not yet been ended...oh, that's why. The Referee is using both hands to eat a Big Mac. What a moron....there we go, the game is called, the Laughing Hyena will go on to defend his title against GodDamnLochNessMonster in the Galactic Championship! With me is Nat Ural, to interpret the fight that took place: "Well, Ring, It was a good fight, but the Hyena just bounced back off of every hit he took. The Possum on the other hand, seemed to lose energy every time contact was made." Thanks, Nat.

WINNER: LAUGHING HYENA

ELIMINATED: THE DESERT OPPOSSUM

Now, even though they lost, all the semifinalist losers will win a consolation prize of 500,000 clown noses!(equal to about 1,000,000 USD, according to thirdgeek) In fact, there's a complicated winnings table, which I will put on the screen now:

Semifinalists: {o}500,000
Finalists: {o}500,000,000
Galactic Champion: {o}500,000,000,000

Keep in mind these are not cumulative, for instance: GodDamnLochNessMonster is guaranteed {o}500,000,000, not
{o}500,500,000

Also, Laughing Hyena will be given an extra {o}500,000,000 for beating three opponents in the first Battle National Animals.

Ah well. It was a good fight. Well done.

Thanks for the cash prize. It will go to the hospital bill. :D

I chose the flamingo fot my dear Empire of Rakshia because not only is it majestic and beautiful, but it also represents my many hookers(joels highness Joel of Rakshia)

WELCOME TO THE BATTLE NATIONAL ANIMALS II GALACTIC CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!













Media Day!
Let's meet the Battle National Animals II Crew!
http://tahoecelebritygolf.com/Players/images/Wilbon-Michael.jpg
the ring announcer

http://espn-att.starwave.com/eoe/content/reali.jpg
Tony

http://postcards.tig-tv.com/card4.jpg
Nat Ural

http://www.thewiggles.com.au/VIDEO/wigglywestern/videoshoot/images/12.jpg
The Camera Crew

OOC: My apologies, Jolt Staff, for the pictures. Hopefully they won't cost you too much

Hurrah!

And...?

And...?

Just building hype.

Dicdador militaire tonto tonto!

Everyone, I've been doing some thinking, and I've decided not to do the Galactic Championship, and leave the winner up to your imagination.













JUST KIDDING!!! HAHAHAHAHAAHAH!

But seriously, I'll get around to it before Monday. I'd better, because then I have to go back to the assembly line.....

Ok.

We are waiting. I have money on the Loch Ness Monster.

It's the moment you've all been wating an ungodly amount of time for! The Battle National Animals II Galactic Championship! I'm the ring announcer, and today's match is between GodDamnLochNessMonster, and the defending champion Laughing Hyena. Let's go ringside!

Nessie and the Hyena square up. Nessie is a lot bigger, but the Hyena is much faster. Support for Nessie is being shown in the crowd by fans wearing shirts that say "Tree Fiddy" and jangling bags of change, which presumably have three fifty in them. Support for the Hyena is being shown by signs that were given away by protest groups at the arena entrance that say "Stop the lies." Your guess is as good as mine. The Hyena slowly and discreetly advances toward Nessie. Nessie throws an off-balance fin toward the Hyena, which is immediately chomped on. Nessie throws the fin up in the air, but not before the Hyena lets go and holds fast to the ground. Smart move by the Hyena there. Nessie bends his head down, on level with the Hyena's. He slowly moves forward, then lunges his spring-like neck straight at the hyena's face, and brings it up on contact! The blow sends the Hyena spinning across the ring, and Nessie recovers to fighting position! The Hyena however, has quickly returned to fighting stance, and sprints toward Nessie's exposed belly, jumps, and bites on! Nessie, with a cool head, brings a fin in close, and scrapes the Hyena away! The Hyena isn't beaten just yet, he circles around Nessie, and climbs up on his back, scratching down hard with each step. Nessie tries desperately to shake him, but the Hyena continues to climb up Nessie and now even Nessie's neck. The Hyena is standing on top of Nessie's head now, and wreaking havoc! Nessie appears to have ok'd taking drastic measured. He rears up on his back fins....rolls over on his back and slams the back of his head into the mat! Ouch! The Hyena is practically flattened against the mat! Nessie rolls over slowly and the Hyena gets slowly up. Nessie reaches in with his teeth and grips the Hyena's torso. Nessie, apparently too drained to do anything else, lifts the Hyena as high as possible, and just drops him. Both animals are very winded. Nessie appears to be very dazed...he throws his head up in the air and drops it down on the gasping Hyena! Nessie appears to have passed out, and the Hyena appears to also have fainted. No wait, Nessie blinked! He's rasing his head up! The Hyena is still immobile except for his torso rising and falling, indicating that he is still alive! Nessie wins! Nessie wins! The GodDamnLochNessMonster is the galactic champion!

WINNER: GODDAMNLOCHNESSMONSTER

ELIMINATED: LAUGHING HYENA

So there you have it. Later I'll make another tournament and post the link here, and then send invites to everyone who made it to the second round for gauranteed slots. Everyone else is invited back, just you have to get there very fast. And remember just becuase your slot is gaurantied, doesn't mean you definitely get in. If we start without you, you can't join up mid swing. Good work everyone, and congratulations, Nimbleshanks.

Ina Tion, Procrast of Academe and A. Atanarjuat, Minister of Gaming and Recreation, on behalf of the people of Academe, extend our heartiest congratulations to Nimbleshanks on this glorious, hard-won victory and to all of the other contestants on battles well well fought. We also thank the good people of Maniaca for hosting this wonderful event and making us feel welcome as spectators.

Inspired by the glory of this tournament, we are working on a plan to train a research assistant (our national animal) to compete next year. We will be checking in regularly for announcements of registration.

OOC: Manaica, I really enjoyed reading this thread. Thanks!

Sweet. I told you guys my animal was going to kick ass

The question is, will Nessie hold up as defending champion next time?

so i dont get i spot? well can you TG me when it starts?

You don't get a spot gauranteed , but I will TG you when it starts, so if you post right away you should get one, and also considering that a few of the animals that get posted right away are really noob, so I can assure you almost 99% that you will compete in the next tournament if you want to.

In tournament news, I have resolved to eventually post the tournament. I'm sure you all know me by now and that it takes me forever to even get one battle done. However I plan to not put everyone through that the next tournament so I'm announcing something big: I'm not starting the next tournament















until summer starts. That way I'll be able to work on battles pretty much all day if I want, and I won't have to deal with homework. My summer begins officially on June eighth, so maybe I'll start applicants a few days before that. In the meantime, you can help yourself to some more stock.

and also considering that a few of the animals that get posted right away are really noob


most diefinetly. check out this entry from the start of the thread


Golden Dragon
Size: 20 Stories.
Color: Golden
Shape: Brachiosaurus with wings. Long whip like tail that has a spiked bony club thing at the end.
Breathes fire in self defense.
IQ: 325
Speed:
Land-45mph
Air-Mach 2
Sea-75 knots
Food: Omnivore.
Habitat: Caves and dark forests.
Sometimes caves at the bottom of lakes.
Lifespan: 175 years.
Predisposition toward humans: Avoids them but barbecues them if backed into a corner.

cant forget this


name: Chupacabra
Scinetific name: hemo predator
Stats:Life span: ???
Weight: 55lbs
Height: 3.5 - 4 ft
reason it kicks @$$: it sucks goat blood

Name: Cabbit
Average Lifespan: infinate
Comparable shape: A bizzare cat/rabbit hybrid
Intelligence: Kindergartener
Deadly Attacks: Turns into a giant spaceship and blasts you away, can also bite as animal.
For more info, watch any of the Tenchi Muyo series.

giant spaceship...?

oh BtW do you mind if i do BNAIII as yalalak island (my main multi)?

NO! How could you think of such a thing?.....

although, I guess there's really nothing I can do, seeing as how you get to apply as any nation you want......so go ahead and do it if you want.

(The top line was just a joke)

is ther a bna 3 yet? would like to enter my bavarian eagle :)

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=424568

This is the link to BNA 3. If you have a guaranteed spot, wait to be telegrammed. Otherwise, wait until I've sent the telegrams, and you'll know, because I'll tell you.

Animal:Chimeara(not the greek)

Composed of: a Body Of an ox a head of a tiger, A snapping turtle, and The tail Of a king cobra

Diet: Omnivore mostly eats inoocent animals standing near by

Description:This animal is a strong and fast. Its Slithering tail can bite and inject acid at its victims. The 2nd head (turtle) can bite you limb to limb in a snap! The !st head's roar can scre even the bravest of the animals. its body and stand the the weight of 50 tons and can run upto 70 mph :D

THIS THREAD IS DEAD.

The battles are done, and BNA 3 has already started, with 4 battles out of the way. Try again with BNA 4. Now kindly let this thread drift back into the forgotten realms of the forum...