NationStates Jolt Archive

We, the Collective Intelligence of the Nationstates Oracle greet you. You have questions. We have answers. That is what we do. That is all we do. You ask questions with appropriate humility and groveling, and we in turn will reveal the deepest secrets of the Cosmos. You may not understand these secrets, or you may be Zotted for failing to grovel properly.

The proper format for a question is as follows:

O Mighty Oracle, Whose Knowledge Encompasses and Surpasses the Infinite Grandeur of the Universe, I beg you to hear my plea.

[insert question here.]

Your grovels must be unique and non-repetitive. Supplicants (that's you) who attempt to buck the system by re-using old grovels will be Zotted on the spot. If the grovel is accepted, the Oracle will provide a fitting answer. The Oracle will then decide on an appropriate tithe that you must provide in payment for the Oracle's insight.

You may begin groveling now.

O Mighty Oracle, Whose Dark Mind dwells in the pure blackest heart of Most Foul Satan, Whose Limitless Power allows him to, like, probably download lots of Linkin Park MP3s without his Mom finding out... hear my plea.

Like... does this dress make my hips look big?

http://www.emilyhansen.tv/jpgs/goth.jpg
Raynestoan Bytemare
Heiress to the House of Bytemare and Teean-Ay Manor

Almighty Oracle invested with the knowledge of the universe and the mighty powers of zottage, I beg of you to hear my plea, and to gift this unworthy one with your answer!

Did the hamster that runs in the little wheel that powers the forum server die, causing the recent suckage of the forums?

~Evil Empress Rep Prod the Ninja Mod (and petitioner for knowledge)

O Mighty Oracle, Whose Dark Mind dwells in the pure blackest heart of Most Foul Satan, Whose Limitless Power allows him to, like, probably download lots of Linkin Park MP3s without his Mom finding out... hear my plea.

Like... does this dress make my hips look big?

http://www.emilyhansen.tv/jpgs/goth.jpg
Raynestoan Bytemare
Heiress to the House of Bytemare and Teean-Ay Manor

That depends on if you will go out with me or not. I'm available this Friday for someone who grovels so well.

You owe the Oracle a spiked leather collar.

Almighty Oracle invested with the knowledge of the universe and the mighty powers of zottage, I beg of you to hear my plea, and to gift this unworthy one with your answer!

Did the hamster that runs in the little wheel that powers the forum server die, causing the recent suckage of the forums?

~Evil Empress Rep Prod the Ninja Mod (and petitioner for knowledge)

That fat chick from the last question ate the hamster.

You owe the Oracle one hour's access to the Mod Centre.

Omnipotent Oracle, universal source of all knowledge, supreme wisdom, and deeper understanding, I beg of you to cast your intelligent light upon this insignificant mortal's question as to guide its humble existence out of its unbearable and dark prison of ignorance...

Does the AI program named the [violet] Collective run on Microsoft Windows?

Ballotonia

O Mighty Oracle, Whose Knowledge Encompasses and Surpasses the Infinite Grandeur of the Universe, (except on the irregular but deserved holidays the Mighty Oracle spends sunning at the beach, eating bon-bons and reading cheap fiction) I beg you to hear my plea.

Is there any known method to transform the sheep who blindly vote for any UN resolution into reading, thinking members of the international community? We're partial to methods involving electric shock, but are open to any thoughts that may from thy lips in thy Grace and Wisdom.


- A penitent and most undeserving Frisbeeterian.

Oh most wise, mighty, and benevolent oracle, greatest of all beings, whose knowledge is as infinite as the universe and as deep as the sea, and whose power surpasses that of all the nations of the world ten-fold, I would but request that thou deign to answer my most hunmble question.

How much longer will we have to wait before Mr. Barry, the Tetragrammaton Lord of This World, will replace the server hampster and restore the forums to there former glorry?

Omnipotent Oracle, universal source of all knowledge, supreme wisdom, and deeper understanding, I beg of you to cast your intelligent light upon this insignificant mortal's question as to guide its humble existence out of its unbearable and dark prison of ignorance...

Does the AI program named the [violet] Collective run on Microsoft Windows?

Ballotonia

Whatever [violet] runs on, if it's the same system as the forums, this site is doomed.

You owe the Oracle a new video card.

(I thought you mortals had [violet] all figured out by now!)

Oh great and wise NationStates Oracle, the font of wisdom that shall drown us in truth, should we not come up for air.

I believe that I am uniquely qualified to be in your priesthood, and wish to serve you in all ways, to help enlighten the lusers and to spread your name.

Your must humble servant and supplicant,
http://www.weirdozone.0catch.com/projects/nationstates/salusasecondus/salusasecondus2.jpg
SalusaSecondus
Tech Modling

O Mighty Oracle, Whose Knowledge Encompasses and Surpasses the Infinite Grandeur of the Universe, (except on the irregular but deserved holidays the Mighty Oracle spends sunning at the beach, eating bon-bons and reading cheap fiction) I beg you to hear my plea.

Is there any known method to transform the sheep who blindly vote for any UN resolution into reading, thinking members of the international community? We're partial to methods involving electric shock, but are open to any thoughts that may from thy lips in thy Grace and Wisdom.


- A penitent and most undeserving Frisbeeterian.
Everyone has their place in the Cosmos, by divine and ineffable design that has a purpose for every ant, pebble and grain of sand. Just as it is My purpose to serve as the Fount of All Wisdom and Knowledge, it is the purpose of these sheep to follow blindly wherever the shepherd leads. The fault lies not with the sheep in following, but in the shepherd who encourages such lunacy as "Resolution to Ban Violent Cartoons." Such shepherds are, themselves, sheep who attempt to follow the lead of other, brighter shepherds who have true vision and purpose.

In the end, there is no way to transform the sheep. They serve a vital purpose in the Grand Design of the Cosmos. If you wish to attempt shock therapy (a notion I find highly amusing, and therefore approve of), try applying it to the authors of the resolutions.

You owe the Oracle an electric shock collar and a control wand.

Oh most wise, mighty, and benevolent oracle, greatest of all beings, whose knowledge is as infinite as the universe and as deep as the sea, and whose power surpasses that of all the nations of the world ten-fold, I would but request that thou deign to answer my most hunmble question.

How much longer will we have to wait before Mr. Barry, the Tetragrammaton Lord of This World, will replace the server hampster and restore the forums to there former glorry?
The current problems with the NationStates servers aren't that there aren't enough hamsters. Neither that the hamsters aren't getting enough food. The problem is that someone forgot fundamental laws of inertia and friction and forgot to keep the hamster wheels oiled properly. Clearly, this is the fault of poor system administration on the part of the host.

However, Barry has made arrangements to transfer the hamsters to a new host with a better track record for system administration. First, however, they have to catch all the hamsters so they can be shipped overseas. Then there's the issue of quarantine and licensing and all sorts of bureaucratic red tape. Even I, with my Infinite Power and Wisdom, hesitate at tackling my nemesis, the Red Tape. I bet you didn't know that, did you? That's why I'm the Oracle, and you're not.

You owe the Oracle some hamster bait and some heavy duty scissors.

Oh great and wise NationStates Oracle, the font of wisdom that shall drown us in truth, should we not come up for air.

I believe that I am uniquely qualified to be in your priesthood, and wish to serve you in all ways, to help enlighten the lusers and to spread your name.

Your must humble servant and supplicant,
http://www.weirdozone.0catch.com/projects/nationstates/salusasecondus/salusasecondus2.jpg
SalusaSecondus
Tech Modling
O Tiny and Insignificant Supplicant, the Oracle has heard your plea and judged you worthy. Seek ye out the Answer to your Question in the form of a telegram.

You owe the Oracle an Answer or Three.

You owe the Oracle an electric shock collar and a control wand.
As you have spoken, so mote it be.

http://www.petbehave.com/images/product-trainer1000.jpg

Oh Grand Oracle, whose great, vast, and wondrous intellect can only be contained by the cosmos and whose mind contains all the knowledge of the universe, hear my plea:

Is it absolutely necessary for you to have an ego of comparable size? :P

--The The Un-Zottable and Jovial States of Cogitation
"Laugh about it for a moment."
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester

O great and mighty oracle, even as you command it is done.

http://www.primemachinery.com/photos/9053.jpg
Heavy Duty Scissors
http://www.petco.com/assets/product_images/3/3058210009b.jpg
Hampster Bait

Is it absolutely necessary for you to have an ego of comparable size?

Oooh, this one's going to be expensive ...

Oh Grand Oracle, whose great, vast, and wondrous intellect can only be contained by the cosmos and whose mind contains all the knowledge of the universe, hear my plea:

Is it absolutely necessary for you to have an ego of comparable size? :P

--The ZOTTED and Jovial States of Cogitation
"Laugh about it for a moment."
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester

My ego only appears massive in comparison to the pitiful mental processes contained within your feeble brain. It is not so much that my ego encompasses the infinity of the Cosmos, but the the Cosmos encompasses the infinity of my intellect. Therefore, what you perceive as ego is merely an acknowledgement of the state of affairs as they truly exist on the cosmic scale.

Or, in other words, "Yes".

You owe the Oracle a fully charged lightning rod.

Oh Great and Mighty Oracle who knows all, sees all, zots all, and looks really, really sharp in those bad threads, and who despenses wisdom and enlightenment on us, the unworthy, unwashed masses, please hear my humble, unworthy request.

Sup?

Oh Great and Mighty Oracle who knows all, sees all, zots all, and looks really, really sharp in those bad threads, and who despenses wisdom and enlightenment on us, the unworthy, unwashed masses, please hear my humble, unworthy request.

Sup?
Bad threads? Bad threads?

I'll have you know that these threads were picked out by the Lovely and Luscious Lisa not twenty years ago! These threads are happenin'! They're cool! They're trendy! How dare you!

ZOT!!!

But you have asked a worthy Question, so I will deign to answer it.

"Watchin' the game...Drinkin' a Bud."

You owe the Oracle a pair of good threads and a beverage of superior quality to a Bud. The Oracle would have drunk something with class, but it was all He had in the fridge. Stupid roommates...

Oh Great and Mighty Oracle who has all the answers to all the questions thinkable and unthinkable, who's light of wisdom shines brighter than the many stars in the universe..

Why don't you have some cool custom flag I can steal? :twisted:

Now who's flag can I steal today?

Flag Thief

Ouch.

Well, let's see here... just zot one of these guys:

http://www.fannins-collectables.com/images/z_listing/zztop/sharp_dressed_man/w9576_fc-fs.jpg

Please don't kill them though, I like their music.

As for the brew, how's this:

http://www.earth2marsh.com/images/dublin/guinness.jpg

Oh Great and Mighty Oracle who has all the answers to all the questions thinkable and unthinkable, who's light of wisdom shines brighter than the many stars in the universe..

Why don't you have some cool custom flag I can steal? :twisted:

Now who's flag can I steal today?

Flag Thief
O Insignificant Supplicant, the Oracle does not have a custom flag for you to steal because He knew you would want to steal it.

ZOT!!!

That's for thinking about stealing the Oracle's flag.

As to your second question, ZZTop is looking pretty stylish. You might consider stealing their flag.

You owe the Oracle a cool, customised flag that isn't stolen.

I would love to steal their flag, but:

Uh-oh
Nation Not Found: "ZZTop"

And I'll try to have a flag for you tomorrow, Oh Oracle!
Any special wishes?

O Mighty Oracle, whose greatness cannot be described in the words of our simple language, whom other insignicant and unworthy mortals such as myself can but only devote our lives to your worship, in the hope that we hear but one word from your sacred mouth or see but a shadow of your true self before our last breath. Your generosity in answering our most humble and pointless questions makes all shudder, for the Mortals and Heretics that have described you are truly unworthy, for they cannot describe the true greatness in the language of mere apes and monkeys. They can only but describe the beauty of dust under your feet. O mighty oracle, whom men will readily slay themselves for, I beg of you to cast but a fraction of a second of your immortal life on my simple and unworthy question. For life without you is like a Broken Pencil: Pointless!

Oh Oracle, undescribable in beauty, with wisdom that runs to depths we cannot comprehend, even in the words of comprehension. Whose Mullet (if you highness has one) would mean that Pat Sharp, the presenter of FunHouse himself would be termed 'UnMulleted enough' to be facing Public Execution in my small and insignifcant realm. Oh glorious one, I beg of you to hear my humble and worthless plea….

I am a new nation state which is attempting to spread the cult of Mulletdom. We intend to make Pat Sharps Heart FM radio show compulsery across the Pacific and have 12 digital TV channels which show Fun House 24 / 7 (only shows where Pat actually has a Mullet between 1990 and 1994 I believe). He unfortunately shaved it off, though this was not till the mid 1990s and so is the 2nd most iconic figure in our worthless nation with you, Almighty among the Gods as 1st, whom men shave their mullets for, against the harsh laws of our country, and get executed or spend a life time in devotion to your highness! Does the most high Oracle give our most humble and worthless nation of devout followers, of the faith of Mulletdom, and of your Almighty self, Oracle, Great among the Great, your approval in our purposes of spreading the faith of Mulletdom?

O Mighty Oracle, whose greatness cannot be described in the words of our simple language, whom other insignicant and unworthy mortals such as myself can but only devote our lives to your worship, in the hope that we hear but one word from your sacred mouth or see but a shadow of your true self before our last breath. Your generosity in answering our most humble and pointless questions makes all shudder, for the Mortals and Heretics that have described you are truly unworthy, for they cannot describe the true greatness in the language of mere apes and monkeys. They can only but describe the beauty of dust under your feet. O mighty oracle, whom men will readily slay themselves for, I beg of you to cast but a fraction of a second of your immortal life on my simple and unworthy question. For life without you is like a Broken Pencil: Pointless!

Oh Oracle, undescribable in beauty, with wisdom that runs to depths we cannot comprehend, even in the words of comprehension. Whose Mullet (if you highness has one) would mean that Pat Sharp, the presenter of FunHouse himself would be termed 'UnMulleted enough' to be facing Public Execution in my small and insignifcant realm. Oh glorious one, I beg of you to hear my humble and worthless plea….

I am a new nation state which is attempting to spread the cult of Mulletdom. We intend to make Pat Sharps Heart FM radio show compulsery across the Pacific and have 12 digital TV channels which show Fun House 24 / 7 (only shows where Pat actually has a Mullet between 1990 and 1994 I believe). He unfortunately shaved it off, though this was not till the mid 1990s and so is the 2nd most iconic figure in our worthless nation with you, Almighty among the Gods as 1st, whom men shave their mullets for, against the harsh laws of our country, and get executed or spend a life time in devotion to your highness! Does the most high Oracle give our most humble and worthless nation of devout followers, of the faith of Mulletdom, and of your Almighty self, Oracle, Great among the Great, your approval in our purposes of spreading the faith of Mulletdom?

Congratulations, O Miniscule and Hirstute Supplicant, for what ranks as one of the most vociferous Grovels that has graced the Oracle's Temple in many moons. The Oracle grants you a Stay of Execution for your Crimes against Humanity.

While the Oracle did indeed experiment with some of the more outré fashion statements such as a mullet in His youth, He has long since outgrown such childish sentiments. The bell-bottom pants were burned, the extreme collar shirts were given to the Salvation Army and all incriminating photographic evidence was destroyed. The Seventies are dead, may they Rest in Peace.

It is with some small regret that the Oracle must deny your request for endorsement your cult in spite of your most excellent Grovel. However, the Oracle does recommend that you cease using Jimmy and Tammy Fae Baker as fashion consultants.

You owe the Oracle a decent haircut and a change of aftershave lotion.

O Mighty Oracle, before whom I am merely an insignificant speck incapable of pondering even the outline of the utterly masculine and unassailably heterosexual form of the Oracle's presence, I beg you to Answer my Question.

Are Girl Scout cookies really made with genuine Girl Scouts?

O Mighty Oracle, before whom I am merely an insignificant speck incapable of pondering even the outline of the utterly masculine and unassailably heterosexual form of the Oracle's presence, I beg you to Answer my Question.

Are Girl Scout cookies really made with genuine Girl Scouts?

Damn right this Oracle is straight! Straight as an arrow! Nice grovel, hopefully that will keep some of the fools in the world from even starting to ponder on that. As for your Question....

In nations where cannibalism is legal, perhaps.

You owe the Oracle as many boxes of Thinmints as you can acquire! The Oracle craves chocolate minty goodness!

You owe the Oracle as many boxes of Thinmints as you can acquire! The Oracle craves chocolate minty goodness!
http://www.girlscouts.org/images/about/thinmints_2000.gif

You could only get 3?

Oh Oracle of goodness, Oracle of glee, please take a moment of your precious time, to cast your gaze upon me.

Oh Oracle of greatness, Oracle that is most just, I pray you may answer my question, but zot me if you must.

Oracle of pleasure, Oracle of freedom, Oracle of "Da bizzomb fo shizzle nizzle dizzle," I humbly ask you to answer my most unworthy question.

Can you hook me up with a really hot chick from NationStates?

Fyreheart

You could only get 3?

Actually, to prevent the unjust treatment of The Oracle, I must point out that is only ONE box, just in three different positions so as to show off all three sides of said box.

Long live the Oracle!

Oh mighty oracle, whose omnipotence makes Zeus look like the former president of Iraq right now, whose omniscince makes Athena look like the current leader of the freeworld, whose omniprescence makes Jehovah look like Dick Cheney, whose fame makes George Washington look like President Kartengared Thenolmored of Kintraadiddostan, whose ego must be almost twice as large as mine. . .

Whose puppet are you, and what's behind that scre-. . .

Hey Toto! Toto, get away from there! . . .

__________________
-------------------------
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/insufficient_-light.jpg
Come to Heck Darnit,
Phil, Ruler of Heck, Darner of Souls, Prince of Insufficient -Light

Oh great, glorious, and omnifarious Oracle, whose many pearls of wisdom outshine the oysters that us mere mortals must appear to thee as, who makes bots such as Friarbot worship thee and is consulted by even Gallifrey itself, whose mere presence among these forums makes us not worthy to share them (as the forums themselves agree):

What is thy opinion of Francos Spain and shall he ever be deposed from power?

Oh Oracle of goodness, Oracle of glee, please take a moment of your precious time, to cast your gaze upon me.

Oh Oracle of greatness, Oracle that is most just, I pray you may answer my question, but zot me if you must.

Oracle of pleasure, Oracle of freedom, Oracle of "Da bizzomb fo shizzle nizzle dizzle," I humbly ask you to answer my most unworthy question.

Can you hook me up with a really hot chick from NationStates?

Fyreheart

The Oracle has heard your grovel, and deemed it sufficient. In answer to your question...

NO!

What do I look like? A dating service? Also, your plea may have fallen on more sympathetic ears if there was a lack of this 'izzle' speak. Get off your keyboard and go stalk an NS chick yourself, like a normal socially decrepit gremlin would.

You owe the Oracle one date with a hot member of the opposite sex in RL.

Oh mighty oracle, whose omnipotence makes Zeus look like the former president of Iraq right now, whose omniscince makes Athena look like the current leader of the freeworld, whose omniprescence makes Jehovah look like Dick Cheney, whose fame makes George Washington look like President Kartengared Thenolmored of Kintraadiddostan, whose ego must be almost twice as large as mine. . .

Whose puppet are you, and what's behind that scre-. . .

Hey Toto! Toto, get away from there! . . .

The Oracle has heard your grovel, and finds it all too true.

The answer to your question is......

http://www.humorlinks.com/humornet/files/images/feldman.jpg

You owe the Oracle a gift certificate for extensive plastic surgery at your local nip-and-tuck artist.

Oh great, glorious, and omnifarious Oracle, whose many pearls of wisdom outshine the oysters that us mere mortals must appear to thee as, who makes bots such as Friarbot worship thee and is consulted by even Gallifrey itself, whose mere presence among these forums makes us not worthy to share them (as the forums themselves agree):

What is thy opinion of Francos Spain and shall he ever be deposed from power?

The Oracle has heard your grovel, and deems that it lacks a good boot polishing session. But your question will be answered regardless.

My opinion of Francos Spain? He must be a hell of an organizer, and a real charmer. Otherwise, why would all these nations stay in his region when he treats them like crap? He will never be deposed from power until you lot stop sitting around like a bunch of lumps and actually do something about it.

You owe the Oracle a shoeshine.

<---- pulls up a chair and pulls out a can of shoeshine

Oh Oracle, whose bountiful messages and munificence rivals Delphi and whose timeless wisdom is greater than all who have come before thee, may I remove thy shoes so that I may polish them?

The Oracle has heard your grovel, and finds it all too true.

The answer to your question is......

http://www.humorlinks.com/humornet/files/images/feldman.jpg

Which question?
The puppet master or that er- thing behind that screen, oh greatest oracle?

You owe the Oracle a gift certificate for extensive plastic surgery at your local nip-and-tuck artist.


The closest plastic surgeon that we have in Heck:

http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/images/dilbert2004048800305.gif
Her methods are a bit unorthodox, but you've gotta admit that she'll make you or that guy behind the screen, whichever it is- look better.

__________________
-------------------------
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/insufficient_-light.jpg
Come to Heck Darnit,
Phil, Ruler of Heck, Darner of Souls, Prince of Insufficient -Light