NationStates Jolt Archive

Year One (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=282874&page=1&pp=15) - The Bastard Nationstates Moderator from Hell
Year Two (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=384991) - The Return of the Bastard Nationstates Moderator from Hell

The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator from HELL!
Year 3 - Volume 1
Don't say we didn't warn you.

*tak tak tak*
Dear Dark Guy Faja,
The nations that you claimed were wrongfully deleted have been restored after an exhaustive investigation. Sorry for the inconvience.

~Reploid Seductions
~Nationstates Moderator

No, Hell did NOT freeze over. No, the do-goodie huggy-feely types haven't appeared and won the day from the bastards. No, Maxx Berry hasn't come down from on high to see what [violent] and the moderators have really been doing.

So what's with the decidedly unbastardly behavior, you ask? If you need to ask, you are obviously no bastard of any variety. It's a New Year! People start off thinking they have a clean slate! And who am I to ruin such delusions?

Yet.

I figure, I play it meek and nice for as long as I can stand it, take out the resultant rage on the business manager and a few office peons, and lull the lusers into a false sense of security. Soften the meat up before the kill, so to speak. See, after a year of abuse, even brain-dead sheep start to develop a healthy sense of cynicism, which makes it all of no fun to abuse them. The ones that managed to survive 2005 all know to fear and grovel profusely, and expect nothing but death for their trespass. But if they fear and grovel and get something other than what they expect- that is, a seemingly tame bastard mod- it throws their pea-brains into confusion. They still fear, but they start to feel... entitlement. When they feel that slight unfamiliar twinge of entitlement, of being owed something, they begin to hope, to forget the harsh lessons of yesteryear.

Which softens them right up for a fresh year of torment and domination at the hands of your friendly neighborhood bastard moderators. So I wade through the cesspool that is the Getting Help page and resolve a few tasks nicely, gritting my teeth at the sheer un-bastardness of the act. A few nation resurrections, a few complaints about spam and flaming... I take brief refuge in UN-castrating a region that is full of legitimate UN multies. (Or maybe SalusaSuckUppus is screwing with the lusers already, who knows?)

But here we are halfway through January, and my patience is wearing thin. Not to mention the business manager has been out all week due to a tragic spinal injury from falling down the two-story elevator shaft, so I can't use her to vent my frustration at the lusers. And three interns are in the hospital from a freak copy machine accident, and that one annoying guy down the hall is out with pneumonia after his office was chilled to sub-zero temperatures by a short circuit in the surprisingly powerful climate control system. Then there was the other guy whose gas pedal got stuck and plunged his Hummer through that loud attorney's office downstairs...

I survey the unusually quiet office before I reach a decision. I figure I've been nice long enough once about half the office staff are out recovering from injuries. Time to ring in the bastard new year. And what better way than to dash the hopes of a recent recipient of my kindness?

I load up Dark Guy Faja's recently-restored nations and quickly consign them once again to oblivion after hijacking the nations and posting all sorts of obscene posts under his names to make the DEAT "legitimate". A quick warning telegram to Faja's newest puppet for flaming sets the stage nicely for an angry rant and further deletions.

It doesn't take long before I get a load of angry telegrams by Faja, not asking meekly for, but loudly DEMANDING his nations be restored, and to be quick and apologetic about it! Or else!

"Or else what, little luser?" I chuckle wickedly to myself, responding that his deleted nations had broken site rules and been dealt with accordingly. A few moments later and I get a response, very heated. I can practically see the steam coming out his ears through the caps-heavy text. Restore the nations or else he'll report me to [violent]! Oh, I'm just quaking in my comfy new sheepskin boots. No, not the two-legged sheep I abuse here, in case you got confused.

Warming up to my bastard ways, I ignore the threat and scramble Faja's password before screwing with his flag and motto. Moments later, I have several angry telegrams from his newly-created puppets, spamming merrily away and trying to cause a ruckus. Silly luser, such pathetic attempts are nothing more than something to polish the Knives of Deletion upon! I delete the new nations fast as he creates them, then slap one of Salusa's special codemonkey tricks on the guy to lock him out of the nation-creation screen.

Warm-up completed, I turn my malignant gaze to the forums....

New year, same old bastard.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v515/claw-kun/evilmod4.jpg
~Reploid Seductions
~The Dark Messiah, She Who Wields the Oversized Butcher Knives of Deletion
~The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator... from HELL!

Oh. My. Mod.

:fluffle:

I love it.

P.S. Can't wait for Pythag to get in on this.

The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator from HELL!
Year 3 - Volume 2 - I AM the Law.

Judge Dredd was just a British comic book character before Stallone mangled him in that awful movie. Try to get that Stallone sneer out of your mind when you hear that shoulder-pad-wearing, motorbike-riding, massive-gun-toting lawman drop his signature tagline into the conversation before he blows the perp away. "I AM the Law." Deep bass voice, backed up by massive firepower. Yeah.

He and I have that in common. Here, at least.

Frisbacteria, Bastard NationStates Game Moderator from Hell.

The Law.

One and the same.


I was digging through the secret archives looking for ways to tie old rulebreakers to current nations that irritate me when I stumbled across an old, dusty post. [violent]'s "Ten Commandments of Moderator Behavior." Damn. Never knew anyone had bothered. Certainly couldn't tell by looking at the extremely low view numbers. Let's add one to the view count.

Thou shalt worship Thy Lord Maxx above all things.
Yeah, sure, if the coot ever showed his ugly mug around Modspace, I'd pay obeisance. Once of twice a year, he shows up for a Maxchat. I can suck up for an hour, twice a year. Fine.

Thou shalt be courteous and objective, restraining thy anger even against those who surely deserve it.
Hmmm. Nothing here about 'glee' from DEATing randomly annoying players. That's not anger. We're good.

Thou shalt retain thy sense of humour.
Oh yeah. "Laugh at the lusers" might as well be the password to the S3CR1T mod hangout. Endlessly amusing.

Thou shalt warn but once.
Slight variant on this one, boss. "None" is a number, isn't it? (I wonder if "nonce" can be used in this context. Probably not. People would think I was one of those Ren Faire wannabe fake nobles. Not going there.) It's just a single letter added to the rules. Everyone knows rules evolve over time. I'm sure it's fine.

Thou shalt not assume that all players are idiots or griefers, even if this sometimes seems to be the case.
Nope. Sometimes they're idiots AND griefers.

Thou shalt make thy points clearly and but once.
Hard to respond when your thread is locked, your nation is DEAT, and your IP is banned, eh, Jimbo?

Thou shalt be helpful.
Helping someone to find more productive ways to spend their time than endlessly creating new nations to protest wrongful deletion is 'helpful', right? I'm keeping 'em off the streets. Gotta count for something.

Thou shalt not insult.
Publicly. Got it.

Thou shalt not carry grudges.
Here I'm in total agreement with Admin. Carrying grudges is far too much work. I have 'em stuffed and mounted and displayed on a shelf above my monitor.

Thou shalt not spit on the floor of the Mod Cave.
Oops. Saw a mop somewhere around here the other day. I'll get to it eventually.
Not too shabby. Nine for ten. I can live with that. But there's one law he neglected to post, one that would have made a huge difference had our 'members' ever bothered to rent a conscience. You know Jick's Law? Some of you might have to stretch your imaginations a bit for this one, it's a sort of analogy thingie. "In the real world, it's possible to randomly punch strangers in the stomach. What stops us from doing this? The fact that we're not assholes, that's what."If our people learned that one, there wouldn't be a need for moderators. Which would prevent the formation of Bastard Moderators. Which would be a bad thing. Better keep that one under my hat.

I AM The Law. Don't you lusers forget that.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v488/frisbeeteria/fris/frisbacteria.gif

~ Frisbacteria ~
~ PWNer of the Tasklist, Master of pr0n nation elimination, Guardian of the S3CR1T Mod Tools ~
~ The Bastard NationStates Game Moderator... from HELL! ~

You know Jick's Law? Some of you might have to stretch your imaginations a bit for this one, it's a sort of analogy thingie. "In the real world, it's possible to randomly punch strangers in the stomach. What stops us from doing this? The fact that we're not assholes, that's what."Moxious.

Oh. My. Mod.

:fluffle:

I love it.

P.S. Can't wait for Pythag to get in on this.

Sorry, Hotty. I haven't been dealing with idiots long enough to have my parents' marriage retroactively annulled. Maybe next year.

*Claps*

"And that, children, was my scary run-in with the mods. Why, I climbed all the way up to their forum of terror on top of yonder perpetually dark and stormy hill, and then posted a "*claps*". You're all lucky your pappy din' get deated. You watch out for them mods, kids..."

*Claps*

"And that, children, was my scary run-in with the mods. Why, I climbed all the way up to their forum of terror on top of yonder perpetually dark and stormy hill, and then posted a "*claps*". You're all lucky your pappy din' get deated. You watch out for them mods, kids..."

*DEA--*

Ah, crap, he's a NYer too.

*leaves N Y C alone.... for now*

The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator from HELL!
Year 3 - Volume 3 - The State of the Art.


Le sigh. Another day at the art mines, arguing with tutors who simply will not understand that typography is a dead art. Le roi est mort; vive l'Ordinateur! O my muse, why hast thou forsaken moi?

There are things one can do to gain inspiration, of course - although largely I prefer not to. I have been trying to cultivate that ennui which is so important to the artisté these days; those who accuse me of laziness have simply no understanding of the methods of a true artisan! (This of course is no suprise; talentless hacks, the lot of them)

So; I press the power button on my computer, and am duly greeted by the Apple logo. Those same talentless hacks who call me lazy deride my loyalty to this operating system on occasion; they say the revolution is dead. Fools! The revolution shall never die! The Soviet flag on my wall is testament enough to that.

As I explained, I seldom have to do this. It is not a matter of pitying the poor fools under my power; these are simply tools for my art (and oh, what art it is! Just to do it leaves me breathless inside).

I load NationStates, and head directly to the forums. General, of course, is where one starts in such a process; it's not like the Jennifer Government forum has spammers in it, after all. General, a seething cesspool of spammers, cultureless degenerates, and subhuman filth recently graduated from AOL - General has plenty of rulebreakers of all kinds. It helps only a little that the rules consist of "Whatever I say".

Sure enough, I'm soon rewarded - some mindless, mainstream slime is praising The Da Vinci Code! Not on my forums he doesn't - Dan Brown is a talentless hack, and nobody should have to tolerate people harping on about it. "Nobody" in this case being moi.

Unfortunately this "Mahatma Einstein" fellow or whoever he is doesn't seem to be flaming at all. I could fix that fairly easily, but there are more amusing ways to do so. A random other poster - "Icenberg" will do, he's posted in Moderation before, so it stands to reason he must be guilty of something.

It's the work of a moment to log into his nation - oh yes, we can do that if we want to - and post a long, flaming rant on this thread. It's not even very difficult to write; Dan Brown is a talentless hack, after all, so my talent lends itself easily to ridiculing him by proxy.

Then back to my main nation, to lock the thread and forumban Icenberg. I'm very polite in my closing post, of course; it makes the players think I'm nice at heart, that my heart bleeds for their travails - no, I'm very sorry, if there was any other way I wouldn't do this, but unfortunately the rules state you're forumbanned for a week. Such a pity, please do come back.

Of course there's an "Icenberg2" in the Moderation forum within the hour - someone hacked my nation, it wasn't me! and so forth - but the stock replies are so well-used I could practically copy-and-paste my response. If your nation was hacked it's your own fault for not keeping your password secure, there's no way we can verify, the post is right there, et cetera. Oh and by the way ... you're breaking forumban. I really am sorry, but we'll have to delete all your nations now.

The Game Moderators are ravening beasts; Reploid Seductions leaps upon the chance to satiate her bloodlust. One-two, one-two, and through and through! The vorpal sword went snicker-snack. Icenberg, Icenberg2, and anyone barely connected to him suddenly find themselves sans nation.

And mon Dieu but it feels good. I can imagine Icenberg's face, hands framing an open mouth ... something like Munch's The Scream, cast in the screen glare of his monitor. Yes! I shall paint it, as eternal testament to my power and my art.

It shall be called Ode to Misery.

~ Bane the Mod
Tsar of all the Forums
Heir and Scion of H. R. Giger and Pablo Picasso
Bastard NationStates Forum Moderator ... from HELL!

*DEA--*

Ah, crap, he's a NYer too.

*leaves N Y C alone.... for now*
*Discretely slips a $500 Metrocard under Kat's door*
--------

Nice one tsar!:)

Very nice, Tsar. Two thumbs up for the elitist French theme.

The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator from HELL!
Year 3 - Volume 4
A most sinister plot!

I can't help myself, really. In the privacy of my own home, I throw my head back and cackle most maniacally. After months of intensive discussion in the secret bastard lair, the sheep are getting one mother of a wakeup call! Or perhaps more a slap upside their collective heads with an F-16. This is truly the bastard plot to end all bastard plots!

Invaders will hate us. Defenders will hate us. It is truly the invasion Apocalypse! BWAHAHA-

Oh, wow. That really DOES feel good.

But I digress. SuckUppus and [violent] have conspired the single greatest change in the history of the game since.... Hrm. Since regional control was invented, I suppose. The invasion game has been KILLED! It died of over 42 stab wounds to the face. It will take forever to clean the gore from the Knives of Deletion.

I don't know how they did it precisely, but those codemonkeys have done it, working out some new coding that will bring invasions to a standstill! No more whining about groups invading regions, no more lusers whining about unfair tactics and ejections. It's ALL gone.

I turn my gaze to the forums, a cruel smile playing across my face as I partake heartily of the suffering! Like the cries of the damned, they wail at the loss, no longer able to swarm a region and seize it. It's as if a giant tumor has been removed from the game, and I am right there, in the operating room, taking delight in the bloodshed.

And laughing evilly. Can't forget that.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v515/claw-kun/evilmod3.jpg
~Reploid Seductions
~The Dark Messiah, She Who Wields the Oversized Butcher Knives of Deletion
~The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator... from HELL!

* cackles maniacally *


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v488/frisbeeteria/fris/frisbacteria.gif

~ Frisbacteria ~
~ PWNer of the Tasklist, Master of pr0n nation elimination, Guardian of the S3CR1T Mod Tools ~
~ The Bastard NationStates Game Moderator... from HELL! ~

*Discretely slips a $500 Metrocard under Kat's door*

What? you think a Mod travels with MERE MORTALS on the subways and buses?

;)

Pfft. Easy for you to strut around. Over a year on the team, and I return just too late to get a Pacific Foundership.

Meh. :mad:

PEACE! :fluffle: Peace in our time! :fluffle: We HAVE overcome! :) :fluffle: :) The world has all agreed to put an end to wa -- uh, guys?

You do mean it, don't you? You weren't just kidding?

Oh, I see. You're going to get our hopes up, and then -- whammo! Mass invasions! Uber-defenders!

Oh, that's cruel. Cruel. And truly worthy of

~Reploid Seductions
~The Dark Messiah, She Who Wields the Oversized Butcher Knives of Deletion
~The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator... from HELL!

The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator from HELL!
Year 3 - Volume 5
The cries of the damned- it's good for treating headcolds!

Another day, another DEAT, and in my case, another box of tissue. I will have to extract most thorough revenge on the office workaholic for bringing his disease in and sharing it with everyone. He's allergic to shrimp, perhaps that will be my angle of revenge, a tiny bit of the juice in his coffee. I will have to think on this.

But at least I can enjoy a delightful chorus of whining on the game. Do these groups think we care about what they do in reaction? Since when have we ever shown care or concern for mindless lusers? Is it my fault that when faced with the unknown, a veritable field of opportunities, they fall short and panic like the little sheep they are? They could have reached for glory, for power and victory! But no, they amusingly freak out and run their herd off a cliff. You'll have to pardon my lack of sympathy.

I relax in the chat room, listening to some particularly loud nations prophesying the end of the world. Seriously. I bet these guys spend their non-Nationstates time standing on street corners with big signs that read "THE END IS COMING! REPENT!" and all that, they're doing it so well online. That's not talent, that's practice. What's particularly amusing is that they think that their whining will make anything change. The codemonkeys have spent weeks, even months locked in their computing cages. Do these lusers honestly think the bastards who write code are going to be all "Okay, sorry, we'll change things back now."?

Yeah, right! What part of "bastard moderator (or admin) from hell" don't they understand? I bet [violent] and SuckUppus are off getting smashed to celebrate the carnage right now! And if I didn't have a sinus headache, sore throat, and all that good stuff, I would happily be partaking in sweet liquor to toast the single greatest bastard plot in the history of the game!

In the meantime though, take two whiners and a flamethrower, call the doctor in the morning.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v515/claw-kun/evilmod4.jpg
~Reploid Seductions
~The Dark Messiah, She Who Wields the Oversized Butcher Knives of Deletion
~The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator... from HELL!

Katscanandban sighed as her laptop bleeped loudly right in the middle of class. Checking the Getting Help Page was far more entertaining than impressing on some brown-nosing little knucklehead that Hemingway was a hack -- and a third rate one, at that. She cut off the student mid-sentence, further destroying what little ego and individuality he still possessed after four and half months of her emasculating commentary, and snapped, "Ok, so the rest of you write a three hundred word essay on how crappy Hemingway's style is, and how pretentious any loser who likes it is."

She had the pleasure of seeing the student sputter to a stop and sit down, his eyes suspiciously glassy. Well, boo-freakin'-hoo.

Settling in behind her desk, she quickly pulled up the sekrit mods site.

Ah. Another satisfied customer.

"...wh3n 50m3 5700p1d m0d wh0 d0n'7 3v3n r34d my r4n71n65 BLAH BLAH BLAH...

"...y0u 4r3 h0n3571y 7h3 m057 57uck-up, b16-n053d, 571ff-n3ck3d m0r0n 70 b3 c0n51d3r3d f0r 7h3 p051710n 0f m0d...BLAH BLAH BLAH

"...1m 51ck 0f h34r1n6 fr0m u 4b07 7h1n65 u h4v3 n0 4u7h0r17y 70 c0n7r0|. 1 c4n p057 4ny7h1n6 1 |1k3!!!!"

Abuse. Why did it always have to be abuse?

Arrogant. And founder. Katscanandban toasted the nation, knowing the region would collapse into chaos. In fact, to hasten the destruction, she texted one of her most rabid supporters... who just happened, she knew, to be one of her students.

He hadn't a blessed clue that his teacher's whims were the only thing keeping his nation alive -- all the rest of his friends' nations were but memories. If only he knew the sadistic hand that kept his grades on the borderline of passing was the same one urging him, through puppets, to invade "this cool region I just saw lose its founder OMGLOLWTF"

Ahhh. Life was good.

He had snuck into the library in a small town... a new place every post to cover the tracks.

The mods were the enemy, and they were overwhelming opponents for a simple player - but they could be fought. They could be contested.

And C now had one of their secrets. He knew one of their number...

From afar, he had watched groups of nations that might be convinced to rise up against the mods - to overwhelm them and free the games and forums at last. And he watched some promising nations be wiped from the computers and their controllers banned.

Damn. He needed some allies.

But one nation was left in that region that might work - that he might convince.

Time to take a chance. C opened the IM box and sent a message. He knew that she would see him send the message - and read the message inside the message. She's a mod, but just maybe... The nation would receive it, perhaps. But even if she deleted it and killed his puppet, she would know he was out there.

There were always more puppets.

The message read...

"The mods are not all powerful - you can create a change..."

"You ask me who I am? I am C, the cagey and crafty creator of chaos and conveyor of cretinous cruel mods to a conclusive closure!"

"Why is this civil and courteous contestant in the competition of Nationstates concerning himself with catching and conquering the capricious czars who call themselves game mods? C was credulously and compliantly led astray by one of their number!"

"Katscanandban... and she will have her comeuppance..."

"I now comprehend the chink in her carapace - she is a coach in the language, and will be charmed and confused - captivated even - by my command of the language and the use of the letter c."

"Come to my side... and join the combatants against the corruption of the controllers."

"C."

C leaned back... he'd have to wait and see. Now - where did they keep Hemmingway in this place?

Now - where did they keep Hemmingway in this place?

Hint: in Fiction, under H. ;)

I am SO going to pay for that.

Hint: in Fiction, under H. ;)

I am SO going to pay for that.

Not far from Hoffa I suppose...? Maybe they'll start digging up libraries for him next. After all, the FBI keeps having this fiction that they'll find him soon too (I know, I know... he's got a permanent 50 yard line seat at the Meadowlands - you know, where the "New Jersey" Giants play? *DUCK*

"You shouldn't hang me on a hook, Johnny. My father hung me on a hook once. Once!" - Danny Verman

"You shouldn't hang me on a hook, Johnny. My father hung me on a hook once. Once!" - Danny Verman+10 points.

Best. Keaton movie. Ever.

What kind of Bastard Mod are you, giving the lusers points? :p

Meh. My kingdom is a couple forums up. I can hand out points for Johnny Dangerously quotes. I mean, come on! It's Johnny Fucking Dangerously!

"It's an eighty-eight Magnum."
"It shoots through schools."

Or, would you prefer:

"I would like to direct this to the distinguished members of the panel: You lousy corksuckers. You have violated my farging rights. Dis somanumbatching country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens like me could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin iceholes... like yourselves."

Meh. My kingdom is a couple forums up. I can hand out points for Johnny Dangerously quotes. I mean, come on! It's Johnny Fucking Dangerously!

"It's an eighty-eight Magnum."
"It shoots through schools."

Or, would you prefer:

"I would like to direct this to the distinguished members of the panel: You lousy corksuckers. You have violated my farging rights. Dis somanumbatching country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens like me could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin iceholes... like yourselves."

Hahaha! :D

Fair enough.

The Bastard Nationstates Forum Moderator from HELL!
Year 3 - Volume 7
Disclaimer: Ingest with salted puppet.

"Thou and I are too wise to woo peacably." Those are the words of Benedick, in Much Ado About Nothing, one of those Shakespeare plays folks are always going on about. It reminds me of Moderating, in a way. Truth is, I'm too wise to Moderate peacably, even if I thought the lusers deserved it, and I certainly don't, given their immature spam, ignorant discussions that draw disgust from my bastard soul (what's left of it), and their distinct lack of coolness.

I will eat the spam that issues from their virtual, whining maws, eliminate the flames that leap forth from the tiny fires of their intellects, and destroy their reprehensible presence on the forums if they oppose me. They shall be forced to become greater than they are in order to survive...

~KarModia
~He Who's Karma has Run Over your Dogma, and Backed Up...
~The Bastard Nationstates Forum Moderator... from HELL!

Mwahahahaha!!! Nice to see the Evil Alternates striking again.

The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator from HELL!
Year 3-going-on-4 - Volume 8
Making up for lost time

With a yawn I drag myself in to the office at 9 in the morning, ingesting some direly needed caffeine and going over my resolutions for 2007. I knew I had been shamefully lax in my obligations but then 2006 had been a busy year, and I've had bigger fish to fry than just the lusers.

First, my previously subdued nemesis, the business manager. I discovered prior to the holidays that she had managed to kick her Nationstates habit, including all the pornographic roleplays she was posting from the company computer. I DOUBT it's legit, just that she's playing under a new name. A shame I'm not with Systems and Networks, I would likely be able to quickly pin down her new account that way.

So I have to do things the hard way and get that nation name if I want to keep my free lunches coming. She's been lording it over me all week that she could leak my blackmail and other... illicit... actitivies now that I no longer have current proof that she's breaking policy now. Stupid office rule about previous violations being actionable only for 6 months. I need something current!

"Good morning." I say meekly as I walk into her office, a cup of coffee in hand.

"Good morning, Stephanie!" She beams at me, wary. That's the problem with sheep. Burn them once, and they tend to get all paranoid for no good reason. "Is there something you need from me?"

I keep my twitching eyebrow well-hidden. If there's one thing that gets on my nerves, it's an arrogant luser. Moreso when it's a luser who is so feeble-minded that it's a miracle she can find her way to the office kitchen in the morning without turn-by-turn directions and maps from Mapquest.

"Oh, no, nothing!" I burble, hoping to make her lower her guard, just enough seeming uncertainty. "I just... um... well, I know we've had... problems, and... I'd..."

She watches me, wary but smug. Perfect, she's thinking she has the bastard Nationstates game moderator on the run. All the better for me. "Yes, we have."

"And... well..." I pick up the pace, as though my next statement is difficult to say. "... Lunch today, my treat?"

My seeming contriteness coupled with the promise of free food sways her. Too easy.

"Well, isn't that a pleasant reversal?" She oozes. "I'd love to. The... steakhouse... hm?"

I cringe, the expression entirely honest. That place is freaking expensive. I soothe myself with thoughts of my vengence as I agree and wander out, having swapped my coffee cup for hers. Before I return to my office, I take a pleasant walk through the building, making sure all the stall doors are locked or that toilet seats are conspicuously absent. Ah, a classic!

Only then do I return to my office, the door propped open so I will be immediately alerted when my special coffee blend takes effect. Within a half hour, I hear the distinctive sound of low-heeled shoes thunking down the hallway, the pace indicating a rush to get somewhere. Perfect.

I quickly duck into the business manager's office and begin rifling through her computer. No Nationstates windows open. Drat. I direct her browser to the site, figuring her auto-login will bring me her nation's name.

"Frag it all!" I growl, finding no auto-login. It's not possible, she could NOT have quit the game completely. This will require more drastic measures. I snag her email address from a printout sitting on the desk- the woman was smart enough not to have her email open on the screen.

I retreat back to my office, contemplating my next course of action. At least I won't have to treat her to a steak lunch, since she'll likely be busy on the porcelin throne, provided she even finds a functional one before her intestinal fortitude fails.

I sit down at my computer, pointing the browser to her email provider, where I put in her user name. This is my last, best hope. Otherwise... well, it may be time for the old woman to have a tragic workplace accident.

In fact, I run back to her office and slide an old year-end business planner behind the bookshelf to destabilize it, then run back to my computer.

I try the usual password options- birthday, pet's name, and still no good. So her password isn't something she's babbled in one of her hour-long rambles about her life. What else could it- of course.

I put in the name of her other nation as the password. And presto, I'm in! I flip through her email... and wouldn't you know, she forgot her nation login and still has a brand new forgotten password email in her inbox. I smile and take this information to the Mod Centre. And wouldn't you know it, she's still posting smut from the office computer. I smile and save the telegram and forum logs, looking forward to a free steak lunch.

I hear footsteps walk past in the hallway, and get ready to share my news with my erstwhile nemesis.

>>CRASH!<<

... Whoops. Well, scratch that. Either way, she's no longer a problem.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v515/claw-kun/evilmod3.jpg
~Reploid Seductions
~The Dark Messiah, She Who Wields the Oversized Butcher Knives of Deletion
~The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator... from HELL!

so what i was thinking was right, your not human