NationStates Jolt Archive

In the most holy temple in Sirocco lies the first edition of the NationStates Bible, a magical book (or so it is said) that even right now is being written and re-written. The High Priest Klop Grdzak'iplkkl had come here for some solace, where no-one would mispronounce his name. He looked at the dusty book sitting on its pedestal. He picked it up...

Ye Olde Testament

the first book of the NS Bible was The Book of Perl. Quite what it was about had mystified theologians for centuries. At first glance it was simply huge strings of brackets and numbers with no apparent meaning, though some claimed it contained the secret of The Source Code. Whatever that was.

Klop turned a few pages to the next book, The Book of The Move To Jolt. It hadn't been written yet, but he could swear he could see the faint impressions of new ink on the pages as if it was surreptitiously filling the page.

The third and fifth books were The Book of The FAQ and The Book of Announcements and Stickies. The Holy NS church had schismed many times over the contents.

The fourth book however... The Book of Statistics... it was simply filled from end to end with numbers detailing the GDPs and populations of existing countries. It was massive. Klop peered at some spidery text. It was up-to-date too, though how, he couldn't imagine.

The sixth book was simply called The Book of Joshua and seemed to describe the journey of a nation led by King Josh out of the Pacific into a new region. Religious leaders had agreed that it was probably put in as a little comic relief since it was quite funny the way the King had enforced nudity and embarrassed himslef while giving a speech in very cold weather.

The seventh book, The Book of Moderators, didn't say much. Just how a particular nation kept getting 'DEAT'ed (this word had caused much fuss but it was now agreed that it should be translated as 'preened') for breaking the rules.

Klop flicked through the few next books... Ruthless... 1 Samuel, 2 Samuel (apparently about some 'UN Multis' who weren't very clever)... 1 Delegates 2 Delegates... 1 The Archive Forum, 2 the Archive Forum... then there were the four books of some ancient nations who had a lot to say and, ah... his favourite book:

The Book of National Anthems was interesting. It detailed the scores and lyrics of every nation in the world. What's more, the priests had discovered you could hear them if you simply read out its name with the page open. This was the biggest book and it took a long while for him to get past it, (though he had been intrigued by one anthem which was apparently the note of B flat repeated for six minutes) and on to the next book.

The Book of Mottos contained every single motto in the world. Quite why was beyond the priests.

The rest of the testament was just the wise words of past leaders. Almost forgotten now, but not quite.

Ye Newe And Improved Testament

The four Gospel Books was where most of the important stuff was, as many theogists had agreed. It detailed the First Coming of the Founder. The ability to be known as the Founder of a region. It was all very impressive.

After that was the Book of Roleplays. Some had ventured that these were made-up stories and that the real truths where in the Archive volumes. No one was really sure. The book of -Rome-ans was even weirder. t

After that there were the two books of Corinthe. Or the telegrams to Corinthe as they were known. Why they were there was a mystery, but occasionally a government official would enter to see 'what the latest intelligence' was as new ones appeared in it from nowhere. There were a few more books of telegrams (including the ones to a nation called Thessalonia. 1 Thessalonians had been telling them what to do and the second one was mostly made up of the sender (someone called Pol apparently) asking why they were sending back telegrams telling him to sod off.

Klop skipped past the rest of the books, they were mostly telegrams as well, but from old, dead nations and of no obvious importance. The last book however... the book of Game Over was something the church had schismed over a lot. It was like a shredder that thinned the religion into tiny pieces, all of which interpreted it differently. It was hard to say what would happen but trillions of people would all be wiped out. It was a scary thought.

Klop heaved the last page over and shuffled back into the temple. The other priests were playing Twister, he could tell from the muffled swearing. He grinned to himself thoughtfully as he prepared for a new day of sermons and saving people from Hell... even though Sirocco was pretty unlikely to go there because, as the King had said, he liked the region they were in fine and at least the neighbours didn't try to shove red-hot pokers up your wotsit when politicking. He stepped outside and breathed some fresh air into his lungs, looking forward to a brand new day of religion, religion, religion.

"Amen to that," he said aloud.

In the most holy temple in Sirocco lies the first edition of the NationStates Bible, a magical book (or so it is said) that even right now is being written and re-written. The High Priest Klop Grdzak'iplkkl had come here for some solace, where no-one would mispronounce his name. He looked at the dusty book sitting on its pedestal. He picked it up...

Ye Olde Testament

the first book of the NS Bible was The Book of Perl. Quite what it was about had mystified theologians for centuries. At first glance it was simply huge strings of brackets and numbers with no apparent meaning, though some claimed it contained the secret of The Source Code. Whatever that was.

Klop turned a few pages to the next book, The Book of The Move To Jolt. It hadn't been written yet, but he could swear he could see the faint impressions of new ink on the pages as if it was surreptitiously filling the page.

The third and fifth books were The Book of The FAQ and The Book of Announcements and Stickies. The Holy NS church had schismed many times over the contents.

The fourth book however... The Book of Statistics... it was simply filled from end to end with numbers detailing the GDPs and populations of existing countries. It was massive. Klop peered at some spidery text. It was up-to-date too, though how, he couldn't imagine.

The sixth book was simply called The Book of Joshua and seemed to describe the journey of a nation led by King Josh out of the Pacific into a new region. Religious leaders had agreed that it was probably put in as a little comic relief since it was quite funny the way the King had enforced nudity and embarrassed himslef while giving a speech in very cold weather.

The seventh book, The Book of Moderators, didn't say much. Just how a particular nation kept getting 'DEAT'ed (this word had caused much fuss but it was now agreed that it should be translated as 'preened') for breaking the rules.

Klop flicked through the few next books... Ruthless... 1 Samuel, 2 Samuel (apparently about some 'UN Multis' who weren't very clever)... 1 Delegates 2 Delegates... 1 The Archive Forum, 2 the Archive Forum... then there were the four books of some ancient nations who had a lot to say and, ah... his favourite book:

The Book of National Anthems was interesting. It detailed the scores and lyrics of every nation in the world. What's more, the priests had discovered you could hear them if you simply read out its name with the page open. This was the biggest book and it took a long while for him to get past it, (though he had been intrigued by one anthem which was apparently the note of B flat repeated for six minutes) and on to the next book.

The Book of Mottos contained every single motto in the world. Quite why was beyond the priests.

The rest of the testament was just the wise words of past leaders. Almost forgotten now, but not quite.

Ye Newe And Improved Testament

The four Gospel Books was where most of the important stuff was, as many theogists had agreed. It detailed the First Coming of the Founder. The ability to be known as the Founder of a region. It was all very impressive.

After that was the Book of Roleplays. Some had ventured that these were made-up stories and that the real truths where in the Archive volumes. No one was really sure. The book of -Rome-ans was even weirder. t

After that there were the two books of Corinthe. Or the telegrams to Corinthe as they were known. Why they were there was a mystery, but occasionally a government official would enter to see 'what the latest intelligence' was as new ones appeared in it from nowhere. There were a few more books of telegrams (including the ones to a nation called Thessalonia. 1 Thessalonians had been telling them what to do and the second one was mostly made up of the sender (someone called Pol apparently) asking why they were sending back telegrams telling him to sod off.

Klop skipped past the rest of the books, they were mostly telegrams as well, but from old, dead nations and of no obvious importance. The last book however... the book of Game Over was something the church had schismed over a lot. It was like a shredder that thinned the religion into tiny pieces, all of which interpreted it differently. It was hard to say what would happen but trillions of people would all be wiped out. It was a scary thought.

Klop heaved the last page over and shuffled back into the temple. The other priests were playing Twister, he could tell from the muffled swearing. He grinned to himself thoughtfully as he prepared for a new day of sermons and saving people from Hell... even though Sirocco was pretty unlikely to go there because, as the King had said, he liked the region they were in fine and at least the neighbours didn't try to shove red-hot pokers up your wotsit when politicking. He stepped outside and breathed some fresh air into his lungs, looking forward to a brand new day of religion, religion, religion.

"Amen to that," he said aloud.

OOC: You could write an actual religious sermon around this. Particularly the last part about the end of the world.

Are old nation died in a horrific war and is wriiten in the holy book of griffens heres a bit of it:

Part 4 section 5 Holy book of the griffens

"War was lost, battles were lost, lives were lost but spirits live on.Those who won the war also lost:Lives,love,peace and them selves.There was no purpose of the war but greed which defeated them in the end while the griffens live on.We both lost the war, war is greed not an act of defence"

Lol, this is great. Very clever, and well written.

Don't forget the Book of Kings (and Queens) of the Forums, and the Book of Psalms to the Forum (to appease it and keep the lag away).

Oh, and Sirocco, don't forgot the purges!

A NS Bible!?! What are you smoking!?!

A NS Bible!?! What are you smoking!?!Who cares? I want some!

Heh... The Books of Delegates is supposed to be the parody of the Books of Kings. :P

Good one!

What about 'the book of godmodding'?
"Thou shalt not post the losses of thy foe; Thou shalt not make fun of thyself by claiming to have a massive number of troops" And so on... :P

Oh and I liked the 'book of delagates' part...:D

Good one!

What about 'the book of godmodding'?
"Thou shalt not post the losses of thy foe; Thou shalt not make fun out of thyself by caliming to have a massive number of troops" And so on... :P

Oh and I liked the 'book of delagates' part...:D

How about the Book of Proper Grammar and Spelling?

:D

We need it, in these forums.

Good one!

What about 'the book of godmodding'?
"Thou shalt not post the losses of thy foe; Thou shalt not make fun of thyself by claiming to have a massive number of troops" And so on... :P

Oh and I liked the 'book of delagates' part...:D

How about the Book of Proper Grammar and Spelling?

:D

We need it, in these forums.

Thank you for that last line... I thought there's something wrong with my English (damn you not-native-language!).

*Claps*

Very good :wink:

<tangent>Heh, English isn't mine either. I just have lived in America long enough to have picked up on their slang. Like "whatever" and "dawg." I especially love the last one.</tangent>

I like the Bible, however blasphemous it is.

The Ten NS Comandments


1:Thou shall not spam.
2:Thou shall not godmod.
3:Thou shall not flame.
4:Thou shall not hack into other peoples nations.
5:Thou shall not be abussive to peoples beliefs.
6:Thou shall not keep a native nation ejected from there region forever.
7:Thou shall not disobey the UN rules.
8:Thou shall not make nation names unsuitable.
9:Thou shall not over use smileys(Counts as spam).
10:Thou shall not brake any of the rules

There are the ten NS comandments

Heh... The Books of Delegates is supposed to be the parody of the Books of Kings. :P

Oh yeah, I'm such an idiot. Keep up the good work, anywho....

There should be a Book of Nitpicking too, for people like me.

The Ten NS Comandments


1:Thou shall not spam.
2:Thou shall not godmod.
3:Thou shall not flame.
4:Thou shall not hack into other peoples nations.
5:Thou shall not be abussive to peoples beliefs.
6:Thou shall not keep a native nation ejected from there region forever.
7:Thou shall not disobey the UN rules.
8:Thou shall not make nation names unsuitable.
9:Thou shall not over use smileys(Counts as spam).
10:Thou shall not brake any of the rules

There are the ten NS comandments

Retooled...

1:Thou shall not spameth.
2:Thou shall not godmodeth.
3:Thou shall not flameth.
4:Thou shall not covet thy neighbour's stoat.
5:Thou shall not posteth too many images.
6:Thou shall not griefeth. Eth.
7:Thou shall not disobeyeth the UN ruleseth.
8:Thou shall not make thy nation name to insulteth or annoyeth.
9:Thou shall not over use smileys, for they maketh thee look like a twerp.
10:Thou shall have no other Gods but [violet] and His holy prophet [salusasecondus].

Well here it is:

The art of nitpicking has been used for centuries.Humans and apes alike share the gift.This art should be taught man to man/Woman to woman.This skill is one of the most vital part of suiviving in a place with no food.We will allways do this and it will live on intill the end then nothing will suivive.....

There are the ten NS comandments[/quote]

Retooled...

1:Thou shall not spameth.
2:Thou shall not godmodeth.
3:Thou shall not flameth.
4:Thou shall not covet thy neighbour's stoat.
5:Thou shall not posteth too many images.
6:Thou shall not griefeth. Eth.
7:Thou shall not disobeyeth the UN ruleseth.
8:Thou shall not make thy nation name to insulteth or annoyeth.
9:Thou shall not over use smileys, for they maketh thee look like a twerp.
10:Thou shall have no other Gods but [violet] and His holy prophet [salusasecondus].[/quote]

Nice improvement :D

1:Thou shall not spameth.
2:Thou shall not godmodeth.
3:Thou shall not flameth.
4:Thou shall not covet thy neighbour's stoat.
5:Thou shall not posteth too many images.
6:Thou shall not griefeth. Eth.
7:Thou shall not disobeyeth the UN ruleseth.
8:Thou shall not make thy nation name to insulteth or annoyeth.
9:Thou shall not over use smileys, for they maketh thee look like a twerp.
10:Thou shall have no other Gods but [violet] and His holy prophet [salusasecondus].

Über-lol!!! :lol:

Dawn of death(Written)in the ns bible

On the day of death all will be destroyed.Then a light will appear in the light shall be a new world, a world of advance technogly it is called NationStates 2.

From the Book of Nuclear Weaponry, verses 1 - 4:

Yea, for a single nuke shall be sufficient for the knocking of a city to rubble,
Nor shall you use ten thousand at once.
Yea, for a nuclear weapon is not a big freakin' combustion bomb,
But containeth radiation, and fallout.

Klop raised his palm to the side of his head and stuck out his tongue as was customary. He had the sacred barcode tatoo under his left eye and he began the sermon:

"Yea, and we shall remember the Ten Commandments which the great Max Barry brought to us:

Thou shalt not use any other webgame but NationStates.
Thou shalt not make your own webgame.
Thou shalt not call me Max Berry. I hates it when people does that.
Thou shalt remember that the rules belong to me and that no, for the last bloody time, you may not have a swastika flag.
Thou shalt respect your delegate and founder.
Thou shalt not hijack any other nation's account.
Thou shalt be faithful to your region.
Thou shalt not steal passwords.
Thou shalt not defame other users.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's post count.

Amen."

Klop swept his brow and proceeded...

OOC: I feel as if i should contribute.... while i'm thinking, Sirocco, i gave you a mention in this: http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=149102&highlight=

Its only a small mention, but a mention all the same... :wink:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Book of the DEAT Nations
Verses 1-4

For when a nation is bad, evil or rude
Warnings are given, harsh threats are used
But should a nation continue to spam and flame
They shell be DEATed to the place from which they came

Excellent sermon. Max Berry is indeed a brilliant man.

(By now, my rabbi would have killed me. I have violated the first two mitzvah's soooo many times...)

(By now, my rabbi would have killed me. I have violated the first two mitzvah's soooo many times...)

lol... me too! :lol:

A NS Bible!?! What are you smoking!?!Who cares? I want some!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: I was kidding...

Book of the gods part 1

In the dawn of time the gods were formed to lover nationstates(Mods).The great max barry gave them powers beyond belief.These were to be able to destroy a nation if they dont follow the comandments but once these gods put these powers into use, nations started asking"I want to be a god(mod)".The gods thought about this a then decided"Yes!!!,but you must do good deeds to deserve it and even then we might not pick you.The nations were happey and started to help people with things to try to get picked to be a god.See more to discover secrets of the gods

The Book of Moderators

Chapter 1.
And so [VIOLET] came unto them and spaketh:
Thou hast petitioned me multiple times for nations to moderate these forums, for the number of sinners hath multiplied greatly;
And so it hath come to pass, that the problem blocking moderation hath been fixed, and moderators shall be given unto thee.
And thou shalt decide upon thyselves names for me to consider for moderation. I am [VIOLET].

The Book of Issues

Chapter 1.
In the beginning, when [VIOLET] created the world of NationStates, she said "Let there be issues," and there were.
And so thirty issues were entered into the game, and [VIOLET] saw that they were good.
(Here follows the text of the issues, which I won't bore people with - see here (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=53919).)

Chapter 2.
These issues satisfied initially, but soon players grew restless, having considered each issue many times.
And MAX heard their pleas, and spoke unto them:
Verily, it hath been more than six months since NationStates launched, and in that time those thirty issues have been given a workout.
If people have been playing for a while, they art probably heartily sick of all of them.
So amen, I say unto you: since you have been dedicated enough to stick with the game, you deserve More Issues.
And I hereby declare: you will have them! Soon. Ish.
And the clamor was lessened, and the players waited.

Chapter 3.
And so it came to pass, and MAX spoke unto them thusly:
NationStates hath hit version 1.6.
The big news is that we have gained the feature that you have all been praying for: player-submitted issues.
From today, you can write an issue and submit it for me to review;
If it is a good one, it shall become an official issue.
This will provide NationStates with an ever-expanding pool of issues, allowing everyone's nations to develop in new ways.
Verily I say unto you: no longer will you be endlessly assailed by Harry Potter controversies!
New issues should start showing up within the next few days, especially in thy older nations.
To submit an issue, follow the brand new link from thy nation's "Issues" page.

Chapter 4.
And so the players submitted a multitude of issues, and eight were entered into the game thusly:
(See the above link)
But MAX threw up his hands in desperation, given the quantity of the submissions.
And he came again unto the players, and spake thusly:
In less than a week, you people have written more than 650 issues.
This hath exposed just how very under-prepared for them I am:
At my current rate, I figure it shall take about three years for me to work my way through these, and converte them into proper use.
At first, I wanted to edit all issues myself, because, after all, NationStates is meant to promote my novels Syrup and Jennifer Government;
Which of course you havve all bought.
These issues are meant to demonstrate my snappy prose and witty style.
But on the other hand, maybe it is time to relinquish a bit of control here for the good of the game.
For now, please understand that the new issues cometh in a trickle rather than a flood.
But I want to fix this.
And so the players went, and hoped that the moderators could quickly do MAX's work.
But they could not, as no direct interface existed for their transmission.

From the Book of N00b:

When I was a n00b, I spake as a n00b, I understood as a n00b, I thought as a n00b; but when my population reached 1 billion, I put away n00bish things.

1: In the beginning there was darkness, and LO, it was everywhere and all. And then BEHOLD! Unto the darkness came Syrup, lo, and Jennifer Government, and unto the void the LORD whos name is called MAX BARRY spake with a great voice, saying;

'Behold, here there is nothing, and lo, no way for people to waste their time in new and interesting ways.'

And BEHOLD, He sent unto the void His angel whos name is called [VIOLET], and lo, the angel did form from the void a website, and did attach unto it fora, that those blessed with the websites holy and divine light could talk about its radiance or bitch about George Bush.

And for a time it was good.

2: But BEHOLD, unto the website came demons and evil ones who did waxeth most mightily in their varied naughtyness, and even so did go unpunished, for none was there to guard against them.

And lo, the angel [VIOLET], seeing this, did cry out with a great and mighty voice and did banish the wicked ones from His sight, and did pour His great power into a group of mighty Beings Without Social Lives, and BEHOLD, those were the first Moderators, who would stand most mighty against the evil ones for all time.

3: And LO, the people did rejoice, and did verily offer their thanks and did gather to praise [VIOLET], and LO, they did build no Temples unto Him because Temples Make The Server Cry.

And lo, those posting did grow, verily, and did multiply to become as numerous as the stars in the sky, and verily the server did creaketh and wheezeth, and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

But LO, a holy light did one day appeareth in the sky, and LO, the light's name was called Jolt, and it did shine upon the whole of NS, even upon the Rejected Realms. And BEHOLD, the angel [VIOLET] did send unto Jolt Her holy man [salusasecondus], that he may join it unto Nationstates, that Nationstates would become whole and the server's band groweth most wide.

the angel [VIOLET] did send unto Jolt His holy man [salusasecondus]

Thou shall have no other Gods but [violet] and His holy prophet [salusasecondus]

[Violet] is a man!! or am has this been discovered 5billion times before