The SLAGLands
01-04-2004, 07:02
BEGIN TRANSMISSION
Greetings, humans. I am Slagcutus... of Muffin. Resistance is futile if < 1 ohm.
At one time, I was just like you: an average forum-poster. Oh, yes. Life was good on NationStates. I would post an occasional roleplay written in merely average quality, then make assorted quips regarding the grammatical fallacies inherent within all NationStates posts. I commanded respect, and I was loved. Over time, I built up sufficient respect to earn a role as moderator. Again, I commanded respect, and I was loved. Sycophants flocked to me like moths to the flame, and over time, even the Tetragrammaton Max Barry grew to love me as a man loves his child.
And then... I tasted it.
http://nishimuta.net/images/danish.jpg
The danish. The sweet, succulent danish. Flaky on the outside, with sprinklings of delicious cream, warm and gooey strawberry interior... I tried to fight it. I tried with all my might to stop myself from succumbing. But I was weak. With time, I became one with the danish. The danish overtook me. And before long... I felt myself becoming one of the Muffin.
The moderators did not know what to make of me in this new form. They panicked. They summoned forth their finest sages to discuss what to make of this invasion, but even they fell stumped in futility. Finally, they arrived at one inescapable conclusion:
http://www.bakecrafters.com/images/front/muffins.jpg
...the muffins were coming.
http://www.dansmojo.com/Muffin%20Mania%20WebPhoto.jpg
Even now, they have begun to descend upon the offices of Random House Itself, penetrating the very stronghold from which the Tetragrammaton observes the world. Soon, they will have Him. Oh, yes. You fools think that your pathetic Max Barry can save you now? He too will fall... and so soon will your petty forums with him.
And then what fate will befall you, pathetic denizens of NationStates? Oh, it's likely that things will begin innocently enough. You'll try other online forums, only to find those overrun by Muffin as well. You'll venture into chat rooms, yet the scent of baked goods will drive you far... far even from your computers. Eventually, you may even leave your homes and wander squinting into the light of that neglected mass of incandescent gas you humans refer to as "The Sun." You may attempt that futile cause that you once heard called "contact with other people." You may "get jobs," "find girlfriends," or even "better yourselves as human beings."
But no matter where you go...
http://www.vaguespace.com/mnf/images/gifts/muffinman1.jpg
...the Muffins will be watching.
Oh, yeah. And here's an obligatory HYPNOTOAD picture.
http://cases.videinfra.com/nordlb/the_HYPNOTOAD.jpg
ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.
http://www.ufp-terminal.de:8081/ufp/pics/locutus.jpg
Slagcutus of Muffin
Resistance is Futile If < 1 Ohm
The Emerald Heights of The SLAGLands
Greetings, humans. I am Slagcutus... of Muffin. Resistance is futile if < 1 ohm.
At one time, I was just like you: an average forum-poster. Oh, yes. Life was good on NationStates. I would post an occasional roleplay written in merely average quality, then make assorted quips regarding the grammatical fallacies inherent within all NationStates posts. I commanded respect, and I was loved. Over time, I built up sufficient respect to earn a role as moderator. Again, I commanded respect, and I was loved. Sycophants flocked to me like moths to the flame, and over time, even the Tetragrammaton Max Barry grew to love me as a man loves his child.
And then... I tasted it.
http://nishimuta.net/images/danish.jpg
The danish. The sweet, succulent danish. Flaky on the outside, with sprinklings of delicious cream, warm and gooey strawberry interior... I tried to fight it. I tried with all my might to stop myself from succumbing. But I was weak. With time, I became one with the danish. The danish overtook me. And before long... I felt myself becoming one of the Muffin.
The moderators did not know what to make of me in this new form. They panicked. They summoned forth their finest sages to discuss what to make of this invasion, but even they fell stumped in futility. Finally, they arrived at one inescapable conclusion:
http://www.bakecrafters.com/images/front/muffins.jpg
...the muffins were coming.
http://www.dansmojo.com/Muffin%20Mania%20WebPhoto.jpg
Even now, they have begun to descend upon the offices of Random House Itself, penetrating the very stronghold from which the Tetragrammaton observes the world. Soon, they will have Him. Oh, yes. You fools think that your pathetic Max Barry can save you now? He too will fall... and so soon will your petty forums with him.
And then what fate will befall you, pathetic denizens of NationStates? Oh, it's likely that things will begin innocently enough. You'll try other online forums, only to find those overrun by Muffin as well. You'll venture into chat rooms, yet the scent of baked goods will drive you far... far even from your computers. Eventually, you may even leave your homes and wander squinting into the light of that neglected mass of incandescent gas you humans refer to as "The Sun." You may attempt that futile cause that you once heard called "contact with other people." You may "get jobs," "find girlfriends," or even "better yourselves as human beings."
But no matter where you go...
http://www.vaguespace.com/mnf/images/gifts/muffinman1.jpg
...the Muffins will be watching.
Oh, yeah. And here's an obligatory HYPNOTOAD picture.
http://cases.videinfra.com/nordlb/the_HYPNOTOAD.jpg
ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.
http://www.ufp-terminal.de:8081/ufp/pics/locutus.jpg
Slagcutus of Muffin
Resistance is Futile If < 1 Ohm
The Emerald Heights of The SLAGLands