NationStates Jolt Archive

http://www.weirdozone.0catch.com/wz/insignia/tme.gif
A GREAT NEW LINE OF DELECTABLES FROM YOUR FRIENDS AT TME INDUSTRIES FOODS DIVISION!

Last week, our chemists perfected several new artificial flavorings that perfectly capture the unique taste of several sentient species. Knowing full well that cannibalism has been wracking the multiverse as of late, we will use our discovery for the betterment of all and the harm of none.

Is it safe?

But of course! It'd be absolutely foolish for us to market a harmful product. Being an artificially-produced artificial flavoring, we can apply it to yeast cultures, soy products, and vat-grown protein mats to create synthetic meats that taste like the real thing but involve absolutely no harm to any animal. To ensure this, our flavorings include ionic charges kept in long-chain lipids so no one can ship the 'real deal' under the guise of our product.

So... it's good for Vegans, too?

Darn tootin' it is. Being produced by enzymes and genetically-engineered bacteria, these flavors and products have absolutely no animal products whatsoever.

But I prefer organic, non-artificial sophont taste!

You're a sick bastard.

What products are offered?

http://shtick.org/FakeNews/sakai.jpg
I'm glad you asked! All of our products were created and tested by only the best in Scolopendran chefs, Chef Kusomari Jitano.

The Classic... Soylent Green
http://www.hypertension-music.de/hypertension/bilder/green.gif
The original sophont-flavored food, these designer-color soy patties make excellent party snacks or lunch for the kids! Available in Hyooman, Sackran, and Ylf flavors.

Always Popular... Always Ylf
http://www1.neweb.ne.jp/wa/asiafoods/chicken-nuggets.jpg
These scrumptious nuggets, made from protein-mats with the exact consistency one expects from the traditional chicken nugget, are infused with flavor. Always popular with the kids, from the cafeteria lines to the lunchbox. Available in Hyooman and Ylf, with Sackran possibly becoming avaiable depending on interest.

And now, something for the dinner table!
http://www.bourbonstreetcafe.com/images/primeribsandwich.jpg
If snacking isn't your thing and you need something a bit heartier, try our new full-size pseudomeat patties in either Processed, Ground, or Fresh Steak consistencies! Currently available in Ylf and Sackran (tastes like chicken!), with Hyooman expected to be released in approximately a month.

All of our products are not only delicious, but nutritious, available both in original healty 'flavored' and new 'fortified' versions, fortified with essential vitamins and nutrients! Give it a try... you'll be gladly surprised!

http://www.weirdozone.0catch.com/projects/nationstates/scolopendra/vera_cook.gifVera Cook
Public Relations, Foods Division
Technology-Manufacturing-Energy Industries

Random Sakkran: Soylent Green ... is made out of people!

Sakkran throng: Yaayyyy!

Random Sakkran II: Quick! To the convenience store!

Throng rushes to the nearest Inconvenience Mart, where a full-scale riot takes place.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CEO of Inconvenience Industries:

Greetings TME Industries,

It seems I may have to order several hundred cases of the Ylf and Hyooman flavored Soylent Green. We can't restock the shelves fast enough! Hurry...gaack!

This method of feeding seems uneconomical.

Greetings TME Industries,

It seems I may have to order several hundred cases of the Ylf and Hyooman flavored Soylent Green. We can't restock the shelves fast enough! Hurry...gaack!
[]ORDER-RECIEVED[]
[]AS-YOU-REQUEST-IT-SHALL-BE-DONE[]
[]ALLOCATING-RESOURCES-TO-BE-DIVERTED[]

//protocolRun(Shipping){order(38201), customer(03025)}

[]THANK-YOU-FOR-CHOOSING-TME-INDUSTRIES-FOODS-DIVISION[]
[]AN-INVOICE-WILL-BE-SENT-SHORTLY[]

http://www.thegiantpeach.com/clothing_labels/r_evolution/MCP.jpgMike Charlie Papa
Subsentient Artificial Construct, Orders Division
Technology-Manufacturing-Energy Industries

:shock:

<overly astonished intelligence tag 632>

Hmm... Ahh... I think we will stick to dragons, fish and sheep and such. Much better eatting, besides its rather known what Soylent Green is made from.

Teritoran Department of Food Regulation and safety.

Hmm... Ahh... I think we will stick to dragons, fish and sheep and such. Much better eatting, besides its rather known what Soylent Green is made from.

Teritoran Department of Food Regulation and safety.

Davies licked his lips thoughtfully. He'd always wondered what elves tasted like, maybe this might be his only oppurtunity. Maybe those elf-eaters elsewhere were onto something. There were laws against eating sentients, but this didn't count did it? Sure, there were a few technicalities, but, but--

He stopped himself. The very thought seemed dirty. He wondered how anyone came up with the taste of human/sakkran/elf to begin with-- Who would've tested the food?

He shuddered again.

Greetings:

It seems that your product has sparked an interest in some of my customers. We would like to order five hundred (500) cases of each soylent green product.

Greg Davies
SuperFood Stores, Inc.

[OOC Eep, that post was supposed to go through as Konania -- Felix]

Hmm... Ahh... I think we will stick to dragons, fish and sheep and such. Much better eatting, besides its rather known what Soylent Green is made from.

Teritoran Department of Food Regulation and safety.
Did you notice the whole 'artificial flavoring' bit? Really, you should give it a try. If you like dragon, you should like Sackra-flavor.

Dragon... hrm... hey, boys, fire up the spectrometers again!

http://www.weirdozone.0catch.com/projects/nationstates/scolopendra/vera_cook.gifVera Cook
Public Relations, Foods Division
Technology-Manufacturing-Energy Industries

* - * - *

Greetings:

It seems that your product has sparked an interest in some of my customers. We would like to order five hundred (500) cases of each soylent green product.

Greg Davies
SuperFood Stores, Inc.
[]ORDER-RECIEVED[]
[]AS-YOU-REQUEST-IT-SHALL-BE-DONE[]
[]ALLOCATING-RESOURCES-TO-BE-DIVERTED[]

//protocolRun(Shipping){order(20932), customer(80122)}

[]THANK-YOU-FOR-CHOOSING-TME-INDUSTRIES-FOODS-DIVISION[]
[]AN-INVOICE-WILL-BE-SENT-SHORTLY[]

http://www.thegiantpeach.com/clothing_labels/r_evolution/MCP.jpgMike Charlie Papa
Subsentient Artificial Construct, Orders Division
Technology-Manufacturing-Energy Industries

More products!

Feel like Reptilian tonight?
http://www.omnieast.com/food/pingroun2.jpg
These excellent Dwaagon-flavor steaks will be the perfect thing for people who respect the majesty and beauty of the noble dragon and yet love the thought of eating a ten-meter-long rattlesnake.

And Now, a Neko Flair
http://www.krmall.twoffice.com/cat-pubimages/hamburger975432172-150-150.jpg
Given the popularity of metahumans such as foxgirls and catgirls in almost every other endeavor, why not try it for this one? These ground-'meat' patties come in Fawxgurl and Katgurl flavor.

We again reiterate the artificial nature of these flavorings. Sometimes that gets lost in the translation!

Coming soon... special seasonings!

http://www.weirdozone.0catch.com/projects/nationstates/scolopendra/vera_cook.gifVera Cook
Public Relations, Foods Division
Technology-Manufacturing-Energy Industries

OOC: Whew, I thought you had gone mad and were chopping up REAL elves, Menel would have had a fit.

The children of Coreworlds, both human and elf have just 2 words to say:
"EEEWWW!! YUCK!!!"

*watching for further developments*
(I don't know if I should be saying Eeeewwwww! or I'm Shocked! )

OOC: Whew, I thought you had gone mad and were chopping up REAL elves, Menel would have had a fit.
OOC: We have her blessing.

IC:

The children of Coreworlds, both human and elf have just 2 words to say:
"EEEWWW!! YUCK!!!"
When I used to say 'yuck,' my mom forced me to try whatever brought it up.

How do you know you won't like it if you won't try it? I bet you'll be pleasantly surprised!

http://www.weirdozone.0catch.com/projects/nationstates/scolopendra/vera_cook.gifVera Cook
Public Relations, Foods Division
Technology-Manufacturing-Energy Industries

May I suggest an addition to the product line? How about a nice mix of polythene and latex, with a bit of silicate and assorted heavy metals thrown in for seasoning?
-DHX Chameleon, Chief Humour^H^H^H^H^H^H Diplomatic Officer

No, I never have... until now.*shudders*

No, I never have... until now.*shudders*

(kid voice) No. Not trying it! (pouts)

How do you get the flavors for your products? And what sick thought provoked you to come up with this product. Though I am for free trade I am greatly considering banning this product in the Republic of Ginoata

{Civilian Comms}
x Krrhckqzrsssktfrmlr (aka Krarghk of Mt. Salsoran; Male Elder Dragon)
o TME Industries Food Division

I for one think this is a wonderful idea. I'd like to order...oh, let's say 500 pounds of each to start off. Its been far to long since I've had the chance to taste mortal flesh.

Er. Not that I ever have done so before, mind you. Well, except all those theives, but they hardly count, do they?

To: Scolopendran Diplomats
From: Vrak Trade Division
Subject: New products

While we can't exactly say that there would be a market for your products in Vrak (although since we have a free trade agreement we certainly can do some preliminary market testing) we would like to know if TME Industries would be interested in making new flavours. That is, we would like to see Oompa Loompa and Hornswaggler added.

What can we do to fascilitate this? We can contact out some big game hunters to go and capture these creatures for extracting DNA if you so wish, as long as some kind of profit percentage could be worked out for these two particular flavours.

More information about Oompa Loompas and Hornswagglers can be found here. (http://www.freewebs.com/klatchia/ecology.htm) We respectfully await your response.

To: TME Industries, Scolopendra
From: IndiaTech Inc, United Indiastan
Re: Possible licencing agreement

"Esteemed collegue, we are most interested int he line of product that you are now releaseing, and wish to congradulate you on their success. However, we have a dilemma; the people of Indiastan want your product. Or, rather, at least to try it, and elves are only a myth here. The problem is the rather restrictive business restrictions: no company that sells products may be more then 25% foreign-owned, and that all foreign products will be tarriffed to be the equal of the domestic product, unless there is no domestic equivlent, and all foreign products must be imported through a legal third party business. Now, we'll remind you that the potential Indiastan market is vast. We assume that you'd like to tap this market. What would it take for us to become a licenced distributer of your product? We are willing to pay a percentage of the total revenues as a royalty, and/or an up-fron charge. So, what say you?"

-James Mullar, Import Specialist and Neogtiator, IndiaTech Inc.
IndiaTech - All the best in Foodstuffs, Textiles, and Heavy Weaponry since 2006

How do you get the flavors for your products? And what sick thought provoked you to come up with this product. Though I am for free trade I am greatly considering banning this product in the Republic of GinoataSee Sakkra's Elf Licking thread.

How do you get the flavors for your products?
Spectrographic and other assorted chemical analyses of appropriate samples, all legally gained through signed-off authorization by next-of-kin in the circumstance of previously-deceased medical surplus.

The Eternal Noldorin Empire of Menelmacar was extremely helpful in supplying appropriate materials for Ylf flavor.

May I suggest an addition to the product line? How about a nice mix of polythene and latex, with a bit of silicate and assorted heavy metals thrown in for seasoning?
-DHX Chameleon, Chief Humour^H^H^H^H^H^H Diplomatic Officer
Market analysis unfortunately says that such a product wouldn't be profitable... sorry.

No, I never have... until now.*shudders*
A free sample will arrive in the post!

http://www.weirdozone.0catch.com/projects/nationstates/scolopendra/vera_cook.gifVera Cook
Public Relations, Foods Division
Technology-Manufacturing-Energy Industries

* - * - *

{Civilian Comms}
x Krrhckqzrsssktfrmlr (aka Krarghk of Mt. Salsoran; Male Elder Dragon)
o TME Industries Food Division

I for one think this is a wonderful idea. I'd like to order...oh, let's say 500 pounds of each to start off. Its been far to long since I've had the chance to taste mortal flesh.

Er. Not that I ever have done so before, mind you. Well, except all those theives, but they hardly count, do they?
[]ORDER-RECIEVED[]
[]AS-YOU-REQUEST-IT-SHALL-BE-DONE[]
[]ALLOCATING-RESOURCES-TO-BE-DIVERTED[]

//protocolRun(Shipping){order(239109), customer(109028)}

[]THANK-YOU-FOR-CHOOSING-TME-INDUSTRIES-FOODS-DIVISION[]
[]AN-INVOICE-WILL-BE-SENT-SHORTLY[]

http://www.thegiantpeach.com/clothing_labels/r_evolution/MCP.jpgMike Charlie Papa
Subsentient Artificial Construct, Orders Division
Technology-Manufacturing-Energy Industries

* - * - *

To: Scolopendran Diplomats
From: Vrak Trade Division
Subject: New products

While we can't exactly say that there would be a market for your products in Vrak (although since we have a free trade agreement we certainly can do some preliminary market testing) we would like to know if TME Industries would be interested in making new flavours. That is, we would like to see Oompa Loompa and Hornswaggler added.

What can we do to fascilitate this? We can contact out some big game hunters to go and capture these creatures for extracting DNA if you so wish, as long as some kind of profit percentage could be worked out for these two particular flavours.

More information about Oompa Loompas and Hornswagglers can be found here. (http://www.freewebs.com/klatchia/ecology.htm) We respectfully await your response.
Research and Development tells me that we need physical samples of meat. We're willing to pay the big-game hunters their standard rates for the samples as well as cost of shipping. Our initial offer is that you will recieve thirty percent of profits initially decreasing to twenty percent over time in royalties while we receive the rest.

Is this acceptable?

To: TME Industries, Scolopendra
From: IndiaTech Inc, United Indiastan
Re: Possible licencing agreement

"Esteemed collegue, we are most interested int he line of product that you are now releaseing, and wish to congradulate you on their success. However, we have a dilemma; the people of Indiastan want your product. Or, rather, at least to try it, and elves are only a myth here. The problem is the rather restrictive business restrictions: no company that sells products may be more then 25% foreign-owned, and that all foreign products will be tarriffed to be the equal of the domestic product, unless there is no domestic equivlent, and all foreign products must be imported through a legal third party business. Now, we'll remind you that the potential Indiastan market is vast. We assume that you'd like to tap this market. What would it take for us to become a licenced distributer of your product? We are willing to pay a percentage of the total revenues as a royalty, and/or an up-fron charge. So, what say you?"

-James Mullar, Import Specialist and Neogtiator, IndiaTech Inc.
IndiaTech - All the best in Foodstuffs, Textiles, and Heavy Weaponry since 2006
This is an interesting proposal. Revenues would of course go first to following your operating costs and then ours; we would then take thirty to fourty percent of the profits and the rest would be yours.

This is an initial idea; it is of course up to negotiation.

http://www.weirdozone.0catch.com/projects/nationstates/scolopendra/aarti_adani.gifAarti Adani
Business Operations, Foods Division
Technology-Manufacturing-Energy Industries

A simple email arrives at the distribution wing of the Soylent manufacturing plant.

TO:SoylentGreen@EOL.com
FROM: RS@VPC.com

TEXT:
The Argonians of the Black Marsh are somewhat disappointed that you have not created a product with the flavor of various types of orc and goblin. I hope you take my suggestion to heart, as such meat is considered a delicacy in the Black Marsh. Sadly, with the recent shortage of orcish and goblin foes, there has also been a shortage of meat from such lesser races.

-Redscale
Argonian Warchief

OOC: This is very amusing. Hyooman and Ylf, pure genius. You have a very twisted and warped sense of humor, it is good to find one who shares my taste in comedy.

<taggedy for now, on account of I've been laughing my keister off over it all>

To: Scolopendran Diplomats
From: Vrak Trade Division
Subject: New products

While we can't exactly say that there would be a market for your products in Vrak (although since we have a free trade agreement we certainly can do some preliminary market testing) we would like to know if TME Industries would be interested in making new flavours. That is, we would like to see Oompa Loompa and Hornswaggler added.

What can we do to fascilitate this? We can contact out some big game hunters to go and capture these creatures for extracting DNA if you so wish, as long as some kind of profit percentage could be worked out for these two particular flavours.

More information about Oompa Loompas and Hornswagglers can be found here. (http://www.freewebs.com/klatchia/ecology.htm) We respectfully await your response.

Research and Development tells me that we need physical samples of meat. We're willing to pay the big-game hunters their standard rates for the samples as well as cost of shipping. Our initial offer is that you will recieve thirty percent of profits initially decreasing to twenty percent over time in royalties while we receive the rest.

Is this acceptable?

This should be fine. Final arrangements and payment can be made at our Trade Office located within your capital - attention Kathrinika Oio.

Expect samples from both species to arrive within about three months.

====

"Yeeehaw! I'm tired of going after deer, bear, inflatable baboons, and domokuns. Now I can hunt those little orange furry things!" yelled Zork Hasharumpkinstle III, infamous big game hunter.

http://www.rockymountainhunting.com/Photo_Gallery/LB01md.jpg

Wouldn't it be simpler to just to eat a real elf instead of going through the trouble to create its taste artificially?

TO:SoylentGreen@EOL.com
FROM: RS@VPC.com

TEXT:
The Argonians of the Black Marsh are somewhat disappointed that you have not created a product with the flavor of various types of orc and goblin. I hope you take my suggestion to heart, as such meat is considered a delicacy in the Black Marsh. Sadly, with the recent shortage of orcish and goblin foes, there has also been a shortage of meat from such lesser races.

-Redscale
Argonian Warchief
Actually, we had thought of it... but apparently demand in test groups was exceedingly low. Still, Research and Development says that we've plenty of samples and already have initial work done on Oark and Gawblyn flavors. In return for selling rights in your markets, we are quite willing to complete analysis on those flavors and produce them on a limited basis to assess popularity and potential outside interest.

http://www.weirdozone.0catch.com/projects/nationstates/scolopendra/aarti_adani.gifAarti Adani
Business Operations, Foods Division
Technology-Manufacturing-Energy Industries

Wouldn't it be simpler to just to eat a real elf instead of going through the trouble to create its taste artificially?

But I prefer organic, non-artificial sophont taste!

You're a sick bastard.
We stand by that eight million percent.

http://www.weirdozone.0catch.com/projects/nationstates/scolopendra/vera_cook.gifVera Cook
Public Relations, Foods Division
Technology-Manufacturing-Energy Industries

Well they can keep pumping there bodies full of heavily processed chemicals to make a plant taste like an elf.

OOC: Whew, I thought you had gone mad and were chopping up REAL elves, Menel would have had a fit.

[OOC: It would be amusing though, you must admit...]

Executive Apartments, Stonozka
1203 hours Titan Standard Time

Razak knocks lightly on the doorframe of the open door to the Supreme Emperor's office before stepping in. "Hey, boss. How goes?"

"Not poorly, Julie," the kzin mutters around a sandwich, swallowing and putting it down on a plate near the edge of his desk before moving over to some folders next to a green can. "I have some interesting reports from IntRelate forwarded by Bob. Nothing much we can do about it, though."

Julius looks at the sandwich while his lower digestive tract announces its lack of duty. "I was forced to skip breakfast today so I wouldn't be late... mind if I snag a bite of your sandwich, Speeks?"

"Hrrr... no, I do not..." Speaker looks momentarily at the can. "But you should know that..."

"Thanks, pal." The silver-haired man smoothly takes up the sandwich and takes a large bite with a contented hum. "Hey, not bad... don't recognize it, though."

Speaker's jaw drops as he blinks a few times, batwing-ears wavering uncertainly.

Razak looks over and raises one eyebrow. "What?"

Not moving his head at all, the kzin points one hand towards the bright highlighter-green can on the desk. Smirking with a sort of curious concern, Razak leans over and picks up the can filled with designer-color patties. Reading the label, he blinks momentarily. "Heh."

"Urrr..." Speaker shrugs very slightly. "Try anything once..."

Razak just chuckles. "Not a problem." He puts the can back and returns the sandwich. "Thanks for the bite... maneater." Winking, he turns around and walks out of the office with a broad, mischevious smile. "Ya gotta tell 'em," he grumbles in a harsh, gravely voice, "ya gotta tell 'em!"

Stepping outside, he yells as loudly as he can. Nearly thirty years of command-voice experience ensures that the entire floor can here. "SOYLENT GREEN IS MADE OF PEOPLE!"

This obviously leads to a lot of turned heads and questioning looks.

Speaker just holds his heads in his hands, grumbling something in the Hero's Tongue.

"Hmmm..."

Dictator Zina Ramirez crossed her legs and leaned back in her comfortable chair, reading through the report once again. The attendant standing before her desk stayed dutifully silent.

"Hmmm," she said again. "Synthetic food. What will they think of next? I bet they didn't get the taste quite right, though." She put down the paper. "I'm intrigued. I think we'll try it."

The attendant looked shocked.
"Synthetic human?"

"No, no! For human, we'll continue importing tasty prisoners from other nations. But elf! Where would you find real elf?" She grinned. "I'm going to request a sample."

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