Cogitation
02-12-2003, 11:51
The First Comic Routine of The NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester
Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. It's a pleasure to be here. I want to thank you all for taking the time to read this topic.
As most of you probably know by now, I've recently been promoted from Forum Moderator to Game Moderator. :) Now, you all know what Game Moderators do (though not necessarily in too much detail :? ). We see the complaints on the tasklist...
"Hi! How can I become a mod? :D"
"Waaah! He called me a bad roleplayer in the forums!"
"Hi! How can I become a mod? :D"
"Someone invaded my region and flamed me three months ago!"
"Hi! How can I become a mod? :D"
"I have a flag that's supposed to look like a cloud, and I uploaded it, but I just found out today that if you roll your head to the left 146 degrees, it kinda looks like a woman with a giant d---- in her. Is the flag okay? Or do I have to change it?"
"Hi! How can I become a mod? :D"
"Hi. I ned 2 know if u can rzurect an old nation o mine. The name was something that began with an M, but I don't remembr the exct name. Cn u help me? Thkxs."
"Hi! How can I become a mod? :D"
...we evaluate national flags...
"Ewwww! Goatse! Yuck!"
"Is that supposed to be a ten-legged swastika?"
"I don't know, Salusa, but if you roll your head 146 degrees to the left, it looks like it might be porn, if you spend a lot of time seeing shapes in clouds."
"I've answered this question 17 times, already, a flag depicting Little Red Riding Hood packing heat next to her panties isn't bad enough to warrant a warning. :x "
...we delete and resurrect nations...
"The power of your 100 UN multies is insignificant compared to the power of the ModForce. :evil: " "[choke] But... but it's me and my family playing! We all share the same computer! :shock: "
"It's alive! Alive! Muhahahahaha! [sound of thunder] :twisted: "
...and all that good stuff.
So, one would think that as soon as I was promoted, I would be doing all of this? Right?
Well... wrong. You see, it's a little more complicated than that. You see, Game Moderator powers aren't trusted to just anyone, and for good reason. We wouldn't want someone using GM powers to mess around with Founder appointments, change, set, or remove regional passwords, change their national statistics to give themselves an uber-1337 nation with 10 billion people, or to delete Francos Spain for the 37th time. :roll: Of course, anything done with GM powers can be undone with GM powers, but it's a bloody confusing mess to sort through and we're busy enough already. We have real lives to take care of and we have to manage our time carefully.
Okay, so you have to be careful about GM powers are accessed. Fine. So, you set up some kind of an interface for GMs, and to make sure it's doubly secure, the Admin briefs the GMs about how they're supposed to access their GM powers and how they're supposed to be fiddling around with the game.
"Congrats, Steph and Cog, you're GMs. I'll E-mail you the access instructions shortly. :D "
Fine. I wait for the E-mail that tells me how to access my GM powers...
...and I wait...
...and wait...
...one day...
...two days...
It's three days, and I still don't have the access protocols. Maybe [violet] went on a long weekend and forgot to hit the "Send" button. Maybe [violet] went out for a walk in the Great Australian outback and got lost. Maybe [violet] is busy wrestling the rabid crocodile that invaded [violet]s' home last Friday. Maybe the Spamovore guarding my E-mail account ate it by mistake and neglected to tell me. Whatever the reason, I don't have the access protocols.
Okay, so here I am with a shiny new Game Mod badge and no Game Mod powers. How useful am I? About as useful as when I was a Forum mod, except that I now have a fancy-sounding new title! :D
Too bad I don't have fancy new powers. :?
Well, I can make myself sound more important! That's always a good thing! :mrgreen:
"This is legal, but that's not legal. How do I know? Because I'm a Game Mod. Trust me! :D "
"No! You can't invade a region and kick everyone out. Why not? 'Cause I'm a Game Mod! I told you so!"
"That's flaming. Yes, I'm certain, I've been around long enough to become a Game Mod, I know what flaming is."
"Yes, an image of Little Red Riding Hood packing heat next to her panties is a legal image for a flag. No private parts are exposed. Yes, I'm certain, I'm a Game Mod. No, Loop doesn't check his flags with us, first, he knows what the limits are."
Then again, I can only take that so far.
"Please send this complaint to the Getting Help (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/page=help) page. Well, yes, I'm a Game Mod, but send it there anyway. Why? Well, we like to have a record that someone complained about this... and you should make a habit of learning that in-game problems have to go to the Getting Help (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/page=help) page... and because I didn't get the access protocols, yet, so I'm really only pretending to be a Game Mod."
"Yes, that list of nations is suspicious, please send ti to the Getting Help (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/page=help) page. Why? Well, I can't deal with this myself. Why not? Well... I... uhhh.... :oops: I'm not really a Game Mod, yet."
Then there's that time, earlier this afternoon, when Tactical Grace had to tell someone that they had to wait for a "Real McCoy Game Mod" to handle their complaint. :oops:
So much for the fancy new title, eh? :lol:
But, the most embarrassing thing happened earlier today: While viewing the UN page, I noticed the following entry:
"2 minutes ago: The Holy Empire of Shi-t left the UN."
Offensive national name, right? Obvious target for deletion, right? So, all a Game Mod would have to do is delete it, right? Well, only if they have the access protocols.
I have strong reason to believe...
/me slows down to emphasize this.
...that I'm the first Game Moderator in the history of NationStates... who felt compelled to send a report to the Getting Help (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/page=help) page.
,,,
But you know what? It's all good. It's just a game, right? I'll be patrolling for problems soon enough. :D Things happen in life, and sometimes all you can do is wait it out. It's that simple. Patience is a virtue. Just wait it out.
...and if you get bored, you can always...
/me spreads his arms wide.
"Laugh about it for a moment."
Thank you. :D
--The Jovial States of Cogitation
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester
...
[i]Notation on timing: The first draft of this routine was written on the evening of Monday, December 1. I have since received the aforementioned protocols.
Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. It's a pleasure to be here. I want to thank you all for taking the time to read this topic.
As most of you probably know by now, I've recently been promoted from Forum Moderator to Game Moderator. :) Now, you all know what Game Moderators do (though not necessarily in too much detail :? ). We see the complaints on the tasklist...
"Hi! How can I become a mod? :D"
"Waaah! He called me a bad roleplayer in the forums!"
"Hi! How can I become a mod? :D"
"Someone invaded my region and flamed me three months ago!"
"Hi! How can I become a mod? :D"
"I have a flag that's supposed to look like a cloud, and I uploaded it, but I just found out today that if you roll your head to the left 146 degrees, it kinda looks like a woman with a giant d---- in her. Is the flag okay? Or do I have to change it?"
"Hi! How can I become a mod? :D"
"Hi. I ned 2 know if u can rzurect an old nation o mine. The name was something that began with an M, but I don't remembr the exct name. Cn u help me? Thkxs."
"Hi! How can I become a mod? :D"
...we evaluate national flags...
"Ewwww! Goatse! Yuck!"
"Is that supposed to be a ten-legged swastika?"
"I don't know, Salusa, but if you roll your head 146 degrees to the left, it looks like it might be porn, if you spend a lot of time seeing shapes in clouds."
"I've answered this question 17 times, already, a flag depicting Little Red Riding Hood packing heat next to her panties isn't bad enough to warrant a warning. :x "
...we delete and resurrect nations...
"The power of your 100 UN multies is insignificant compared to the power of the ModForce. :evil: " "[choke] But... but it's me and my family playing! We all share the same computer! :shock: "
"It's alive! Alive! Muhahahahaha! [sound of thunder] :twisted: "
...and all that good stuff.
So, one would think that as soon as I was promoted, I would be doing all of this? Right?
Well... wrong. You see, it's a little more complicated than that. You see, Game Moderator powers aren't trusted to just anyone, and for good reason. We wouldn't want someone using GM powers to mess around with Founder appointments, change, set, or remove regional passwords, change their national statistics to give themselves an uber-1337 nation with 10 billion people, or to delete Francos Spain for the 37th time. :roll: Of course, anything done with GM powers can be undone with GM powers, but it's a bloody confusing mess to sort through and we're busy enough already. We have real lives to take care of and we have to manage our time carefully.
Okay, so you have to be careful about GM powers are accessed. Fine. So, you set up some kind of an interface for GMs, and to make sure it's doubly secure, the Admin briefs the GMs about how they're supposed to access their GM powers and how they're supposed to be fiddling around with the game.
"Congrats, Steph and Cog, you're GMs. I'll E-mail you the access instructions shortly. :D "
Fine. I wait for the E-mail that tells me how to access my GM powers...
...and I wait...
...and wait...
...one day...
...two days...
It's three days, and I still don't have the access protocols. Maybe [violet] went on a long weekend and forgot to hit the "Send" button. Maybe [violet] went out for a walk in the Great Australian outback and got lost. Maybe [violet] is busy wrestling the rabid crocodile that invaded [violet]s' home last Friday. Maybe the Spamovore guarding my E-mail account ate it by mistake and neglected to tell me. Whatever the reason, I don't have the access protocols.
Okay, so here I am with a shiny new Game Mod badge and no Game Mod powers. How useful am I? About as useful as when I was a Forum mod, except that I now have a fancy-sounding new title! :D
Too bad I don't have fancy new powers. :?
Well, I can make myself sound more important! That's always a good thing! :mrgreen:
"This is legal, but that's not legal. How do I know? Because I'm a Game Mod. Trust me! :D "
"No! You can't invade a region and kick everyone out. Why not? 'Cause I'm a Game Mod! I told you so!"
"That's flaming. Yes, I'm certain, I've been around long enough to become a Game Mod, I know what flaming is."
"Yes, an image of Little Red Riding Hood packing heat next to her panties is a legal image for a flag. No private parts are exposed. Yes, I'm certain, I'm a Game Mod. No, Loop doesn't check his flags with us, first, he knows what the limits are."
Then again, I can only take that so far.
"Please send this complaint to the Getting Help (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/page=help) page. Well, yes, I'm a Game Mod, but send it there anyway. Why? Well, we like to have a record that someone complained about this... and you should make a habit of learning that in-game problems have to go to the Getting Help (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/page=help) page... and because I didn't get the access protocols, yet, so I'm really only pretending to be a Game Mod."
"Yes, that list of nations is suspicious, please send ti to the Getting Help (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/page=help) page. Why? Well, I can't deal with this myself. Why not? Well... I... uhhh.... :oops: I'm not really a Game Mod, yet."
Then there's that time, earlier this afternoon, when Tactical Grace had to tell someone that they had to wait for a "Real McCoy Game Mod" to handle their complaint. :oops:
So much for the fancy new title, eh? :lol:
But, the most embarrassing thing happened earlier today: While viewing the UN page, I noticed the following entry:
"2 minutes ago: The Holy Empire of Shi-t left the UN."
Offensive national name, right? Obvious target for deletion, right? So, all a Game Mod would have to do is delete it, right? Well, only if they have the access protocols.
I have strong reason to believe...
/me slows down to emphasize this.
...that I'm the first Game Moderator in the history of NationStates... who felt compelled to send a report to the Getting Help (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/page=help) page.
,,,
But you know what? It's all good. It's just a game, right? I'll be patrolling for problems soon enough. :D Things happen in life, and sometimes all you can do is wait it out. It's that simple. Patience is a virtue. Just wait it out.
...and if you get bored, you can always...
/me spreads his arms wide.
"Laugh about it for a moment."
Thank you. :D
--The Jovial States of Cogitation
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester
...
[i]Notation on timing: The first draft of this routine was written on the evening of Monday, December 1. I have since received the aforementioned protocols.