NationStates Jolt Archive

Hello, this Kent Brockman, reporting to you from the Springfield Town Hall, where Mayor Joe Quimby has officially declared a state of war between Springfield and Shelbyville. The reasons, he stated, were obvious.

"For too long, Shelbyville has mocked us. In football, they've beaten us nearly half the time. They've outscored our young Sprinfieldians in school year-after-year. They marry their cousins, for god's sake! And to... uhh... top everything off, they've stolen our great lemon tree which was planted by Jebediah Springfield back in 1796!

....

Today, will be a day that we will live in infamy because of this theft by thy Shelbyvillians. So, I conclude my speech by saying, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.' Shelbyville, open war is upon you. Do you wish to risk it? Ich bin ein Springfielder!"

There you have it, Mayor Quimby's address to the town. War is to commence.

In other, less important news, doctors have discovered the cure for cancer...

Kent Brockman
Channel 6 News
http://www.chicagomediaexaminer.com/kent.jpg

OOC: Is Shelbyville a real nation?
IC: Do you require military assistance?

wait, I'm confused. There is an actual NS nation named "Shelbyville"?

Possibly. Shelbyville was the rivaling town in the Simpsons, so I imagine that if there is one, it was created by SS for this RP.

OOC: very clever :P

Lies, lies, lies, lies! All of them. Well, except the fact that we marry our cousins -- but still they're so damn attractive! But I can assure you that there are no lemon trees in Shelbyville. We drink turnip juice for crying out loud!

We shall defend our town. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this suburban town or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Fudd Beer Empire beyond the seas in China and other impoverished Asian nations, armed and guarded by the Fudd Beer Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old.

Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf
http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com/images/07-minister.jpg

"I am telling you, and I am responsible for what I am telling you, there are NO lemon trees in Shelbyville!"

The embasy (located in the back room of Smoe's, next to the crates of pickled pickles) of Tetsutaka will be holding raffles for the last flight off the roof to safety. Tickets are three for $5 and the winner will also recieve a nice gift basket.

This of course assumes that Springfield wins. If not, our emabsy in Springfield will offer the same deal.

Ps - anyone want some lemonaide? It's fresh and has just the right balance of tart and sweet.

Vice President Bryan Sandler and Deputy Defense secretary Hiei were having a conversation about this upcoming war.

"I bet Springville will win. $20 says so." Bryan said.
"*snort* Yeah right. Perhaps Shelbyville may win. I put down my $20." Hiei smiled, fangs visible.

Vice President Bryan Sandler, not a Jedi, but still my best friend and fellow swordfighter.
http://www.anime-universe.com/Pictures/nowandthen-side1.jpg

Hiei
http://drs.yahoo.com/S=96062883/K=Hiei/v=2/l=IVI/*-http://www.animegame.com/images/item-repro-6.jpg

$40 goes to the winner.

"AHHR! There ye blows, the Shelbyvillian fleet! Damn the torpedoes!" Captain McCallister said to his crewmates.

"You mean damn the bundles of hot pants, Sea Captain?" replied his first mate, Handsome Pete.

"Ahhr, the hot pants..."

The Honeymooner's cannons roared and a volley of bundles of short-shorts and other varietes of hot pants stormed into the sky and plummeted into the SS Shelby. The hot pants crashed into the main deck of the Shelby sending crewmembers into a frenzy as they scrambled to put themselves out of danger. Four brave men lost their hats...

Deep under the seas, Spingfield's nuclear submarine the Diamond Joe departed from Springfield Harbor and stealthily infiltrated Shelbyville's seacoast. Unfortunately, the commanding officer, Captain Tenille, was accidentally fired out of a torpedo tube by the ship's oaf, Homer Simpson, striking an enemy submarine and making an indent of his body on its side.

On the ground war, the fightingest squad in the fightingest company in the third fightingest battalion of the army, Springfield's own Flying Hellfish perpetrated the Shelbyville-Springfield townline with ease. The squad included Iggy Wiggum, Sheldon Skinner, Arnie Gumble, Griff, Asa, Ox, Etch, Montogomery Burns, and their commanding officer Sergeant Abraham Simpson. To accompany this elderly and outdated World War Two squadron, officers Eddie and Lou were deployed to the scene. Principal Seymour Skinner, an ex-Green Beret from Vietnam, also volunteered to assist in the ground invasion.

Aristotle Amadopolis, operator and owner of the Shelbyville Nuclear Power Plant, responded to Springfield's ground assault by unleashing Shelbyville's most feared weapon, the radioactive ape. Overall, three-hundred radioactive apes left their cages and rained hell on the Springfieldian forces. Disturbing howls of men and ape echoed throughout the night as the battle for middle Springfield-Shelbyville raged on...

Springfield Naval Recruitment Theme

In the navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
In the navy
Come on be bold and make a stand
In the navy, in the navy
Can't you see we need a hand
In the navy
Come protect the motherland
In the navy
Come on and join your fellow man
In the navy
Come on be bold and make a stand

Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Oh, Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!

The radioactive apes screamed their war rally as the tore through human flesh. Occasional snaps of fire from old World War Two Era rifles cracked as the Flying Hellfish struggled to break the glowing green line of apes. Radioactive banana shells flew over into the already polluted air and down into the already polluted battlefield, exploding with a loud BOOM!

"Hold the line! Hold the line! Hold the line!" Sergeant Simpsons lethargically shouted as he ran back and forth behind his own army's line, so slowly that you would never be able to tell if he was running in slow-motion or not.

Iggy Wiggum popped up from behind his sandbag surrounded fortress and popped two bullets towards the way of an oncoming ape. The ape absorbed the bullets into his furry outlayer.

"Oh, damn it," grunted Iggy as the ape thrust his hand into Iggy's rotund body.

"You'll like being a monkey," the ape growled as an unusual stream of energy flowed into Iggy's bloated stomach, turning him into another radioactive ape from the average obese American.

"I do," replied the new Iggy as he groomed himself and eating the occasional flea that he would find.

The battle raged on the ground as well as the sea. The SS Shelby had returned fire, this time with actual ammunition as opposed to its Springfield counterpart's assault with bundles of hot pants. The cannonballs flew over the Honeymooner, though, and crashed into the polluted sea water -- killing two innocent dolphins.

So sparked the temporary Springfield-Dolphin alliance. After this blatant attack on Dolphin sovereignty, King Snorky led his people back to land where they had orginally lived eons ago. He proposed an alliance between Springfield and Dolphinslyvania, which was graciously accepted by Mayor Quimby -- who had been smoking marijuana and sleeping with his secretary at the time of the proposal.

The alliance of the two towers of Springengard and Barad-tuna had been forged.

Under the sea!
Under the sea!
There'll be no accusations,
Just friendly crustaceans
Under the Seeeeeeeeeeeeea!

The new captain in charge on the nuclear submarine Diamond Joe, Homer Simpson, hummed in his head to the beat of funky calypso music. Suddenly, his deep thought was interrupted and the ship shook violently. The lights blinked out and televisions scrambled.

"We're losing power. We're losing backup power! We're down to mood light here!" said Moe.

"Damage report, Mr. Moe," replied Captain Homer J. Simpson.

"Sonar out, navigation out, radio out," answered Moe.

"Enough of what's out. What's in?" Homer said.

"Ice-blended mocha drinks and David Schwimmer," Moe replied back quickly.

"Yes, he is handsome in an ugly sort of way," Homer mumbled.

Hope was lost. No really, it was lost.

Oh I so want to be Evil Homer!!!!
This has to be the best RP idea ever.

<OOC: I am evil Hom-er! I am evil Hom-er! I am evil Hom-er! :wink: >

<OOC: I am evil Hom-er! I am evil Hom-er! I am evil Hom-er! :wink: >

Can I be him in this RP? LMFAO!

The Diamond Joe was lost in the wilderness of the deep blue sea. Or, that's what the crew thought. In reality, they were merely fifteen miles away from the coast.

"Mr. Moe, full speed ahead!" commanded Captain Simpson.

"Yeah, whatever... you big dummy, oh what a dummy," Moe replied as he steered the submarine toward the arbritary point Homer had pointed to.

Without any warning, the submarine convulsed and large booming sounds erupted from under the sea. The Shelbyville Multicultural-International Navy had dropped depth charges.

"We've got a leak, the room is filling up with a clear, non-alcoholic substance!" cried Barney from his station.

"You mean water?" Homer replied.

"Yeah, water."

Homer scratched his bald, empty head.

"Everyone, I want you to think of your loved ones," he announced.

In a Homer's thought cloud appeared Marge, Lisa, Bart, and Maggie -- his family.

Sparkle, sparkle. Bart's voice said as his earring sparkled.

"BART!" Homer shouted out loud.

Dad, the earring can plug the hole. the voice in his head said.

"I'll plug your hole... I mean eureka!"

Homer snatched the earring from his pocket and slid down to Barney's station. He dunked his body under the water and swam toward the water leak, shoving the earring into the leakhole. He emerged from the water once more and swam back to the main room.

"Mr. Moe, prepare to surface."

And so the Diamond Joe surfaced -- surrounded by four large naval ships.

"Springfielder! You have ten seconds to explain your town's actions!"

Homer thought for a few seconds and blurted out, "It's my first day."

Laughter.

"Es mi dia primero."

Laughter.

"Quack, quack, quack."

QUACK! QUACK!

It really was his first day.

<OOC: bump...>

interesting. It's like every Simson's episode mashed together

<OOC: bump, we'll see if anyone joins before i make another post>

Local Oaf and Crew Captured

Several days ago, at approximately 0800, local oaf, Homer J. Simpson, and his crew aboard the nuclear submarine Diamond Joe were captured by the Shelbyvillian fleet. All have been charged with being disloyal Americans and die hard Communists for a disclosed reason. Homer's father, Abraham, commented on these accusations, "Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a thief, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a porn star."

A fair trial will be forgone and execution is scheduled for 0100 tomorrow. Already thousands of gun-toting Shelbyvillians are buying tickets to Simpson's execution.

President Bush commented on this current situation, commending Shelbyville for upholding the principle by which America was founded on, stating, "Criminals must punished for their crimes. And the only way they'll learn is through the electric chair. America was founded on a democratic system that gives people the freedom to be executed. The freedom to die. I believe it was George Washington who said, 'Do, or do not. There is no try.' Basically, what I'm saying is that this execution is just and will protect America from foreign devils such as Osama bin Laden and the Boogeyman. God bless the USA!"

Simpson's wife refused to comment, but we have managed to plant several mini-cameras into their home. More information will be provided once it is obtained.

Kent Brockman
Channel 6 News
http://www.chicagomediaexaminer.com/kent.jpg

Tahar Joblis condemns the vicious imperialism of Springfield.

Tahar Joblis condemns the vicious imperialism of Springfield.

Of course you do, you bleeding-heart, freedom-endorsing tree-huggers!

-Quimby

Just then an old WWII squad reunites from the Springfield nursing home for one last mission. "The swiss are invading," Abe Simpson said as he and several others met the force of Shelbyvillians at the border.

Tahar Joblis condemns the vicious imperialism of Springfield.

Of course you do, you bleeding-heart, freedom-endorsing tree-huggers!

-Quimby

Following public compliments by Mayor Quimby towards Tahar Joblis, NDOTJ elements have been spotted entering the St. Louis waterway and the Ol' Missus Hip.

"Oh, don't mind us, we're just sight seeing on our way to central Canada," spokesman Bob said, stroking his great mane of hair. "Nothing to do with the current war brewing."

Tahar Joblis condemns the vicious imperialism of Springfield.

Of course you do, you bleeding-heart, freedom-endorsing tree-huggers!

-Quimby

Following public compliments by Mayor Quimby towards Tahar Joblis, NDOTJ elements have been spotted entering the St. Louis waterway and the Ol' Missus Hip.

"Oh, don't mind us, we're just sight seeing on our way to central Canada," spokesman Bob said, stroking his great mane of hair. "Nothing to do with the current war brewing."

Hey, at least you Tahar Joblissans have a good taste in sight-seeing. GREAT view.

-Quimby

This is Presidents schultz of United states of BenDaivs. I would think that Shelby Ville will lose probly becuse spring Fieald to win the war by acident

This is Presidents schultz of United states of BenDaivs. I would think that Shelby Ville will lose probly becuse spring Fieald to win the war by acident

What you say? Me no understand Jibberish. Me product of American education system.

-Quimby

OOC:
Great RP Idea!
Might join in later... (my region is on the brink of war and busy at the moment...)

"Pull back! Pull back!"

Springfield's lines periodically began to break off and head back towards the town center as Shelbyvillian radioactive apes poured into the town, ravaging everything in their sights.

****

Springfield Townhall
Springfield, USA
2:11 PM

"Order! Ahh... order!" said Mayor Quimby as he pounded his gabble. "We... uh... have a situation. The Springfield-Shelbyville border has been lost and our doom is impending... uhh... good-bye, you're screwed," Mayor Quimby continued before jumping out of the closed window into a limousine transport below.

It took off and drove into a jetliner awaiting it, which promptly took off.

"That was uncalled for," said Police Chief Wiggum.

The Town Hall soon became filled with worried expressions and paranoid citizens. The chatter grew louder... and louder... and louder.

"What do we do?"

"Send the immigrants into the front lines!"

"No, we already deported them all."

"Blame Canada!"

"No, blame the liberals for bringing this down upon us!"

"Retreat!"

The end was near...

Local Oaf Spared, Crew Executed

Local oaf, Homer J. Simpson who was scheduled to be executed in Shelbyville today by the means of the electric chair, was spared from the death penalty after authorities concluded that he could not fit into the electric chair itself.

When asked why Simpson wasn't given the lethal injection as an alternative authorities stated, "C'mon, that's no fun."

The rest of the crew however, with the exception of local drunk Barney Gumble (who also was too fat to fit into the electric chair) was executed today. Interim Mayor Sideshow Mel has ordered that flags be flown at half-mast today in honor of those who gave their lives for a pointless cause.

Concerning Simpson and Gumble: Shelbyville officials have announced that they do intend to "return those fat bozos" within ten hours, mostly because Simpson and Gumble had consumed the prison's entire year's supply of food and alcoholic beverages.

More later.

Kent Brockman
Channel 6 News
http://www.chicagomediaexaminer.com/kent.jpg

Channel 6 News HQ Taken, New Management

It is with great joy that Channel 6 News Network has just merged with Shelbyville's news network. We look forward to bringing you straightforward, unbiased news about Shelbyville's glorious day-to-day achievements and the clumsy happenings of our Springfieldian slaves... I mean brothers-in-arms.

In other news,

New Mayor Instituted

In an unamious vote today, the lovable Lyle Lanley, the constructor of our former monorail system, was elected to serve a one billion year term as Springfield's new mayor.

We interviewed several ordinary Springfielders and asked them of their opinion concerning the new leadership.

"I think Mr. Lanley is an <snip> intelligent piece of <snip> and I think we should hang <snip> all who oppose him should <snip> die."

More later.

Kent Brockman
Channel 6 News
http://www.chicagomediaexaminer.com/kent.jpg

Return of a Coward

Earlier today, numerous citizens have claimed to see Springfield's ex-mayor, Joe Quimby, lurking. We cannot confirm these reports as of yet, as witnesses have stated that Quimby was spotted wearing a casual suit without his mayoral sash.

Shelbyville authorities have firmly stated their goal to capture Quimby and punish him for his war crimes. A 25,000 dollar bounty has been placed on Quimby's head.

We'll keep you updated as the story progresses so stay tuned and watch Channel 6 Action News.

Kent Brockman
Channel 6 News
http://www.chicagomediaexaminer.com/kent.jpg

Well, sir, there's nothing on earth
Like a genuine,
Bona fide,
Electrified,
Six-car
Monorail! ...
What'd I say?
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
Patty+Selma: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: That's right! Monorail!
[crowd chants `Monorail' softly and rhythmically]
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud...
Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lyle Lanley: You'll all be given cushy jobs.
Abe: Were you sent here by the devil?
Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.
Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear it's Springfield's only choice...
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
All: [singing] Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: Once again...
All: Monorail!
Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken...
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!
All: [singing] Monorail!
Monorail!
Monorail!
[big finish]
Monorail!
Homer: Mono... D'oh!

Sorry I had to post that when some mentioned Lyle Lanley....That was one of my favorite episodes!!!! :D :D

Odd... such a random message sent out. I'm glad you like my propaganda music, though!

-Lyle Lanley

Odd... such a random message sent out. I'm glad you like my propaganda music, though!

-Lyle Lanley

We unoffically support Simpsons Springfield even though we are a neutral nation. We hope that you get your lemon tree back. Maybe you should get Sideshow Bob to return as mayor.

Springfield is a puppet of Shelbyville now, moron!

Oops... did I say that out loud?

-Lanley

Springfield is a puppet of Shelbyville now, moron!

Oops... did I say that out loud?

-Lanley

Oh well will unoffically support Shelbyville then.

One Ring of Power Forged

In the fires of the Springfield Tire Fire, witnesses have claimed to see former mayor Joe Quimby forging a great ring of power. Although we cannot confirm this report without evidence or the consent of Tolkien's descendants, we are sure that this One Ring of Power can turn whoever wears it invisible. Springfield's reformed police department, led by Shelbyville's finest until more recruits arrive, is on the hunt for Quimby and this ruling ring. The bounty on his head had risen from $25,000 to $25,000,000,000,000,000. Officials declined to comment when Channel 6 asked how they would afford such a prize or what form it would be delivered in.

May God shine his grace upon his chosen people, the Shelbyvillians!

I'm Kent Brockman and this has been Channel 6 News at 11. Stay tuned for Another Stupid Reality Show.

Goodnight everybody and don't let the bed bugs bite, an innoculation has yet to be developed for this year's version of those mites.

Kent Brockman
Channel 6 News
http://www.chicagomediaexaminer.com/kent.jpg

One Ring of Power Forged

In the fires of the Springfield Tire Fire, witnesses have claimed to see former mayor Joe Quimby forging a great ring of power. Although we cannot confirm this report without evidence or the consent of Tolkien's descendants, we are sure that this One Ring of Power can turn whoever wears it invisible. Springfield's reformed police department, led by Shelbyville's finest until more recruits arrive, is on the hunt for Quimby and this ruling ring. The bounty on his head had risen from $25,000 to $25,000,000,000,000,000. Officials declined to comment when Channel 6 asked how they would afford such a prize or what form it would be delivered in.

May God shine his grace upon his chosen people, the Shelbyvillians!

I'm Kent Brockman and this has been Channel 6 News at 11. Stay tuned for Another Stupid Reality Show.

Goodnight everybody and don't let the bed bugs bite, an innoculation has yet to be developed for this year's version of those mites.

Kent Brockman
Channel 6 News
http://www.chicagomediaexaminer.com/kent.jpg

My Precccious, My Precccious

Allemonde Bounty hunters are combing Simpsons Springfield for joe quimby. We hope to find him soon and deliver him to the mayors offfice.

<OOC: a holiday bump>

Allemondian bounty hunters are close to capturing Ex-Mayor Joe Quimby. We are checking every fox hole in Simpson's Springfield. We have narrowed it down to a small area and feel that we are close to capturing him.

sweet sassy molassy! nice to see some proper rp in these forums

IC: The President of Myrenica applauds the brave and couragous invasion of Springfield by Shelbyville. I offer my advice to you Lanly, that you should order every citizen executed (I find it to be delightfully cruel!).

Good luck, and may the one ring of power be undone.

My intel tells me that Mayor Quimby isn't in Springfield. Two hours ago, he crept across the border into Indiana.

My intel tells me that Mayor Quimby isn't in Springfield. Two hours ago, he crept across the border into Indiana.

Your intel is smoking crack! Quimby is nowhere near Indiana; our intelligence officer has informed me that he is residing somewhere in Trinidad and Tobago.

-Lanley

Two blips appear on radar screens in Springfield and Shelbyville -

"Incoming nukes sir all life will be extinguished" Shelbyville command bunker

"The radioactive fallout will reach us evryone who's not a radioactive ape take cover or you will soon be one!" emergency broadcast system Springfield

Cockroaches will be all thats left alive in shelbyville, lemon tree theft will not be tolerated extermination without prejudice Bwa hahahahahaha :twisted: .

Evil Emporer Brainchylde, Minister for the exterior Dominion of Evil.

Shelbyville, do you want any help?

I have 50 105mm Light Guns, 100 81mm mortars, 50 Su-37 Fighters, and 3 Tu-95 Bears ready to send.

If needed, each one of them will be attached to one of my 100 IL-86s and flown over with one million troops armed with M-16s.

IL-86:

http://home.zonnet.nl/widebody/il86aefl.jpg

Tu-95 Bear:

http://www.todo-aviones.com.ar/rusos/tupolev95-142/tu-95h_1.jpg

My intel tells me that Mayor Quimby isn't in Springfield. Two hours ago, he crept across the border into Indiana.

Your intel is smoking crack! Quimby is nowhere near Indiana; our intelligence officer has informed me that he is residing somewhere in Trinidad and Tobago.

-Lanley

Hmm I thought he was in the deserts of West Springfield.

We just found him in a bar in suburban Denver. Either that or these's some other yellow maniac wearing nothing but a marquee and calling Shelbyville names.

Mmmmmm... sweet memories of Canadian and U.S. soldiers wasting each other in South Park with automatic rifles like the M-16....

I'll send the 13 new F-27 Raptors I just bought if mayor Lanly wants the help.

Shelbyville Occupation Ousted, Channel 6 Loyalty Returns to Springfield

With the return of Mayor Joe Quimby yesterday morning and his One Ring of Power, the Shelbyville occupation forces fled Springfield like bitter Frenchmen. Channel 6 has returned its loyalties to this town and its people. We forgive everyone for our 'unconventional' change of heart during that harsh time period, but Shelbyville paid us off... I mean, they had rifles pointed at our heads.

When asked of his new intentions of reforming Springfield, Quimby stated, "Springfield will have more hookers, more boos, and less queers! It's the American way!"

Words of wisdom, oh great Mayor Quimby. Words of wisdom.

Quimby Announces Plans of World Domination

With the One Ring of Power now in Springfield's paticularly pot-smoking Mayor Quimby's hands, Quimby has announced his plans of world domination and his plot to use the One Ring to rule them all to do it. I, for one, applaud this blatant imperialism and rip-off a classic fantasy book plot.

Other News

In other news, a mild anti-American earthquake shook some Iranian city near Tehran killing some people. President Bush offered support to the Iranians stating, "Give us oil, and we'll give you humanitarian aid... maybe." He also stated his intentions to destroy earthquakes saying, "Earthquakes are a threat to global stability. Starting next week, America will begin 'Operation Rock Buster' and drop several atomic bombs over earthquake-affected areas to show earthquakes America means business when we say, 'Stop shaking the Earth, we're trying to eat pretzels here!'"

Kent Brockman
Channel 6 News
http://www.chicagomediaexaminer.com/kent.jpg