NationStates Jolt Archive

An Knootian Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35 lb. pack on his back, 15 lb. weapon in hand, after marching 12 miles, and says "Non-existent God, this is SH*T."

An NYNJ Airborne grunt stands in the rain with a 45 lb. pack on his back weapon in hand, after jumping from an airplane and marching 18 miles, and says with a smile "God, this is THE sh*t."

An Lavenrunzian Para-Commando lies in the mud, 55 lb. pack on his back, weapon in hand, after jumping from a plane into the swamp and marching 25 miles at night past the enemy, and says with a grin, "God, I LOVE this sh*t!"

An Menelmacari Mornahässe, kneels up to his nose in the stinking, infested mud of a swamp with a 65 lb. pack on his back and a weapon in both hands after jumping from a gravship in orbit into the ocean, swimming 10 miles to the swampy cave and killing a Balrog, then crawling 30 miles up a canyon and through the brush to assault the enemy camp. He says with a passionate snarl, "Illuvatar, gimmee some MORE of this sh*t!"

A Syskeyian Air Force cadet sits in an easy chair in his air-conditioned, carpeted room and says, "The cable's out? What kind of sh*t is that?!?"

---

OK, so I basically ripped this (http://www.f-16.net/modules.php?op=modload&name=Sections&file=index&req=viewarticle&artid=174&page=3) off and modified it to be more relevant to SATO. I still think it;s funny. :D

God bless,

The Republic of Syskeyia

P.S. Did I spell Mornahässe right? :?

How to milk a cow

CACE will milk the cow, carefully divide the milk into equal portions with enormous precision, give all portions to Seocc and let the rest have the bucket.

SATO will steal a cow from a farmer, milk it, mix the milk with water, sell te result as full milk, then sell the cow to the same farmer.

GDODAD will milk the cow, shoot the cow, poison the milk, sell the milk to innocent children and execute whoever milked the cow

ToY will first build a huge vessel to move the cow into space, then spend 10 years on researching a nuclear powered cowmilking device, milk the cow, turn the milk into cybernetic goo, then shoot the cow for not conforming to ToY procedures

The Galactic Alliance will assemble 90 cows, then wait until they start fighting each other, then wait until only one cow is left, which milks itself.

The Arda-supporting nations will mutate the cow into a space station the size of Texas, feed it with the bodies of dead elfs, and wait until blood comes out instead of milk. The blood is used to open portals /between/.

CACE will milk the cow, carefully divide the milk into equal portions with enormous precision, give all portions to Seocc and let the rest have the bucket.

while i guess i should appreciate the notoriety, i really wonder where this kind of idea comes from. i think it would go more like:

The CACE will make Anhierarch, Celdonia and SeOCC milk the cow because they have the ability, then take the milk because they have the need.

equally depricating, far more accurate.

I like:

The WBO will take the cow, clone a match but alter the genes so it is a male. Then, with the perfect milk-producing couple found, WBO will then breed the cows. Once a monopoly is created, the cows will be milked and distributed to small countries rattled in conflict in exchange for trade concessions.

The UNAOTO will simply bomb the cow for its horrible human rights violations.

... and Wombat News will write badly about it ...

WN

The WBO will take the cow, clone a match but alter the genes so it is a male. Then, with the perfect milk-producing couple found, WBO will then breed the cows. Once a monopoly is created, the cows will be milked and distributed to small countries rattled in conflict in exchange for trade concessions.

that doesn't sound like the WBO at all, unless there are some godless genetic experiments you guys are holding behind those closed forums of yours.

also, i think it's odd (and a freudian slip) that TVC associated SATO with a distinctly capitalist behavior.

also, i think it's odd (and a freudian slip) that TVC associated SATO with a distinctly capitalist behavior.

Yeah, that kinda happens in the free world.

CACE will milk the cow, carefully divide the milk into equal portions with enormous precision, give all portions to Seocc and let the rest have the bucket.

while i guess i should appreciate the notoriety, i really wonder where this kind of idea comes from. i think it would go more like:

The CACE will make Anhierarch, Celdonia and SeOCC milk the cow because they have the ability, then take the milk because they have the need.

equally depricating, far more accurate.

It's humour, you old nag. Don't try to know everything better than other people, it gets annoying :D

More Jokes! More Jokes! Less Bitching! ROFL!

well if you're going to make a joke you need to appeal to a stereotype that has some basis. for instance, i couldn't make a joke about how well endowed white guys are, or how stupid red heads are. si?

OOC:
Knoot here.
LOL – good call this thread. However there are many different economies on NS and even within the WBO.

KNOOTIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

WBO EXECUTIVE BOARD CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to an Endless Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Sell one cow to buy a new president of the WBO, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.

CORPORATE ISLANDS REGION CAPITALSM
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

“BRIDGE TREATY” SOCIALISM
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

DIABLO_NL “TECHNOLOGY CURES ALL” CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

ANGSTIAN NO-NONSENSE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and Milk themselves.

CACE ANTICAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.


FREE OUTER EUGENIA COLLECTIVE ANARCHISM
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and ridicule the newsman who reported the numbers.

DRUM GODS WARMONGERING CAPITALISM
You have 2 cows.
You eat them,
You invade a small nation and steal 2 more for tomorrow.

IESUS CHRISTI STATE-CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute...

UTP MERCANTILE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You set up an elaborate organisation with different responsibilities and functions
You set up storefronts, and begin aggressively marketing your products.
You have nobody to buy your milk.

And LOL for all your contributions...

IESUS CHRISTI STATE-CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute...

Right. And at exaclty the moment of reading that, I was taking a sip of my Cola. My nose hurts now.

Anyway....


MENELMACAR DIVINE COMMERCE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You create a religion around the first
You sell the second, since you figure gold is better than milk

TARASOVKA NITPICKING CAPITALISM
You have two cows
You idiots! It's spelled 'cyows', not cows!
You let your giant vegetable eat the cows

AUTOMAGFREEK TIDAL WAVE CAPITALISM
You have two cows
You invade some country with them, but get your ass kicked
You ignore the event, stating the tech level of your cows and foreign ones don't match

THELAS IMPORT BASED CAPITALISM
You have two cows
You give them to Siri, then buy more cows and give them to Siri
Basicly, since you have nothing else to do, you repeat step 2

SEOCC'S I-RENOUNCE-CAPITALISM
You have two cows
You teach them complicated socialist rhetorics
You send them into the world to convert the infidels

IESUS CHRISTI STATE-CAPITALISM, PART II
You have one normal and one raped cow
The one on the right doesn't look bad either...

TVC KAIZEN CAPITALISM
You have two cows
Use popular management terms to convince them that milking themselves is a sign of 'autonomy' and 'empowerment'
Sit back and watch the milk flow in

DREAD LADY NATHICANA ADAPT OR DIE CAPITALISM
You have two cows
You dress them both in sexy black leather
You slowly torture the least productive of the two to death

"Illuvatar, gimmee some MORE of this sh*t!"

LotR.

Yes.

OOC:

For the hard of humour:

humour \Hu"mor\, n. : that quality of the imagination which gives to ideas an incongruous or fantastic turn, and tends to excite laughter or mirth by ludicrous images or representations; a playful fancy; facetiousness

Get with the plot.

WN

p.s. Knotty, I LOVE the "WBO EXECUTIVE BOARD CAPITALISM" - if you want a couple of off-balance sheet companies to assist you in the next debt-cow swap, do let me know!!!

WOMBAT NEWS CAPITALISM
You have two cows, both funny as hell
You force them to write funny stories 24/7
You publish it and get the credit

WOMBAT NEWS CAPITALISM
You have two cows, both funny as hell
You force them to write funny stories 24/7
You publish it and get the credit

WOMBAT NEWS CAPITALISM
You have two cows, both funny as hell
You force them to write funny stories 24/7
You publish it and get the credit

Wombat News - so good TVC published it twice.

LOL

WN

p.s. cows is far to tame a name for the writer(s) .. and (t)he(y) certainly do(es)n't spend much time chewig the cud . . . .

Oh, and thanks. :oops:

GOD DAMN IT I AM NOT A SOCIALIST!

i n00kORZ uz NOWE!@OIJ#OIUJO$IJ#OINDLKNFL

really, not a socialist, not a communist.

i n00kORZ uz NOWE!@OIJ#OIUJO$IJ#OINDLKNFL

09482YT4TYY43CTHEGALIGI2TGRG9P7TRXG94
WHFNA97WGFNXL87WT4GFLBX87WT4GFXL\7W4
YFL97W4FT;9W74Y\947RTAO836RTXGF74WRT
FC;9W8A4YX9W\8YRFTP7GFTNW4GFIR\SFGX\
SFGCO4GF3right back at ya, buddy.

[Linebreaks added for sanity]

WN

COPIOSA SCOTIA LIBERTARIAN CAPITALISM:
You increase cow productivity by allowing your two cows to do pretty much whatever the heck they want, then let the less-motivated of the two starve to death.

GOOBERGUNCHIAN LIBERAL NON-CAPITALISM

You have two cows.
They fart and create pollution.
You destroy one of them and put a metal plate on the other one's backside.

AUTOMAGFREEK TIDAL WAVE CAPITALISM
You have two cows
You invade some country with them, but get your ass kicked
You ignore the event, stating the tech level of your cows and foreign ones don't match


OOC: HAHAHAHAHAHAblowme. At least get your facts straight befroe insulting me.

EDIT: Yes, I know that was supposed to be funny.
No, I'm not laughing.

An Knootian Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35 lb. pack on his back, 15 lb. weapon in hand, after marching 12 miles, and says "Non-existent God, this is SH*T."

An NYNJ Airborne grunt stands in the rain with a 45 lb. pack on his back weapon in hand, after jumping from an airplane and marching 18 miles, and says with a smile "God, this is THE sh*t."

An Lavenrunzian Para-Commando lies in the mud, 55 lb. pack on his back, weapon in hand, after jumping from a plane into the swamp and marching 25 miles at night past the enemy, and says with a grin, "God, I LOVE this sh*t!"

An Menelmacari Mornahässe, kneels up to his nose in the stinking, infested mud of a swamp with a 65 lb. pack on his back and a weapon in both hands after jumping from a gravship in orbit into the ocean, swimming 10 miles to the swampy cave and killing a Balrog, then crawling 30 miles up a canyon and through the brush to assault the enemy camp. He says with a passionate snarl, "Illuvatar, gimmee some MORE of this sh*t!"

A Syskeyian Air Force cadet sits in an easy chair in his air-conditioned, carpeted room and says, "The cable's out? What kind of sh*t is that?!?"

---

OK, so I basically ripped this (http://www.f-16.net/modules.php?op=modload&name=Sections&file=index&req=viewarticle&artid=174&page=3) off and modified it to be more relevant to SATO. I still think it;s funny. :D

God bless,

The Republic of Syskeyia

P.S. Did I spell Mornahässe right? :? :?: :?: :?: :tantrum:

An Knootian Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35 lb. pack on his back, 15 lb. weapon in hand, after marching 12 miles, and says "Non-existent God, this is SH*T."

An NYNJ Airborne grunt stands in the rain with a 45 lb. pack on his back weapon in hand, after jumping from an airplane and marching 18 miles, and says with a smile "God, this is THE sh*t."

An Lavenrunzian Para-Commando lies in the mud, 55 lb. pack on his back, weapon in hand, after jumping from a plane into the swamp and marching 25 miles at night past the enemy, and says with a grin, "God, I LOVE this sh*t!"

An Menelmacari Mornahässe, kneels up to his nose in the stinking, infested mud of a swamp with a 65 lb. pack on his back and a weapon in both hands after jumping from a gravship in orbit into the ocean, swimming 10 miles to the swampy cave and killing a Balrog, then crawling 30 miles up a canyon and through the brush to assault the enemy camp. He says with a passionate snarl, "Illuvatar, gimmee some MORE of this sh*t!"

A Syskeyian Air Force cadet sits in an easy chair in his air-conditioned, carpeted room and says, "The cable's out? What kind of sh*t is that?!?"

---

OK, so I basically ripped this (http://www.f-16.net/modules.php?op=modload&name=Sections&file=index&req=viewarticle&artid=174&page=3) off and modified it to be more relevant to SATO. I still think it;s funny. :D

God bless,

The Republic of Syskeyia

P.S. Did I spell Mornahässe right? :? :?: :?: :?: :tantrum:

How to milk a cow

CACE will milk the cow, carefully divide the milk into equal portions with enormous precision, give all portions to Seocc and let the rest have the bucket.

SATO will steal a cow from a farmer, milk it, mix the milk with water, sell te result as full milk, then sell the cow to the same farmer.

GDODAD will milk the cow, shoot the cow, poison the milk, sell the milk to innocent children and execute whoever milked the cow

ToY will first build a huge vessel to move the cow into space, then spend 10 years on researching a nuclear powered cowmilking device, milk the cow, turn the milk into cybernetic goo, then shoot the cow for not conforming to ToY procedures

The Galactic Alliance will assemble 90 cows, then wait until they start fighting each other, then wait until only one cow is left, which milks itself.

The Arda-supporting nations will mutate the cow into a space station the size of Texas, feed it with the bodies of dead elfs, and wait until blood comes out instead of milk. The blood is used to open portals /between/.

EOTED would paint the Three Star Sigil on the cow; then assign fifty people to milk the cow;
then tax the milk, decide who is calcium deficient, and
proportionately assign a higher milk quotient to the calcium-poor
than the calcium-rich - while utilizing the remaining milk to
extract agar and grow yeast-farms in order to feed the hungry.

They would then claim that their cows are superior to all other cows,
and give them appropriately long titles to display this fact.

AUTOMAGFREEK TIDAL WAVE CAPITALISM
You have two cows
You invade some country with them, but get your ass kicked
You ignore the event, stating the tech level of your cows and foreign ones don't match


OOC: HAHAHAHAHAHAblowme. At least get your facts straight befroe insulting me.

EDIT: Yes, I know that was supposed to be funny.
No, I'm not laughing.

[OOC: I thought it was hilarious.]

What the hell does satire have to do with facts?

An Knootian Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35 lb. pack on his back, 15 lb. weapon in hand, after marching 12 miles, and says "Non-existent God, this is SH*T."

An NYNJ Airborne grunt stands in the rain with a 45 lb. pack on his back weapon in hand, after jumping from an airplane and marching 18 miles, and says with a smile "God, this is THE sh*t."

An Lavenrunzian Para-Commando lies in the mud, 55 lb. pack on his back, weapon in hand, after jumping from a plane into the swamp and marching 25 miles at night past the enemy, and says with a grin, "God, I LOVE this sh*t!"

An Menelmacari Mornahässe, kneels up to his nose in the stinking, infested mud of a swamp with a 65 lb. pack on his back and a weapon in both hands after jumping from a gravship in orbit into the ocean, swimming 10 miles to the swampy cave and killing a Balrog, then crawling 30 miles up a canyon and through the brush to assault the enemy camp. He says with a passionate snarl, "Illuvatar, gimmee some MORE of this sh*t!"

A Syskeyian Air Force cadet sits in an easy chair in his air-conditioned, carpeted room and says, "The cable's out? What kind of sh*t is that?!?"

---

OK, so I basically ripped this (http://www.f-16.net/modules.php?op=modload&name=Sections&file=index&req=viewarticle&artid=174&page=3) off and modified it to be more relevant to SATO. I still think it;s funny. :D

God bless,

The Republic of Syskeyia

P.S. Did I spell Mornahässe right? :? :?: :?: :?: :tantrum:


I will haunt you
Remember Daikerta.

Move along, nothing to see here. Back to the jokes.

This has been an OOC post.

[OOC: I thought it was hilarious.]

OOC: Yeah, you would. :roll:

HENLEAZIAN BLEEDING HEART LIBERALITY

You have two cows.
You pass laws allowing the cows to indulge in bondage and gay marriage while teaching them to respect every cow's right to be free, progressive and heavily taxed.
Many happy, free and empowered cows...but no milk.

Woo yay! 100 posts!

:oops: sorry, n00bness...

RAVENSPIRE PSEUDO-LIBERTARIAN CAPITALISM

You have two cows.
You seem to allow the two cows to do pretty much whatever they want.
You acquire more cows and bulls through immigration, and your herd grows.
All your cows are productive.
Most of your cows aren't aware that there's a shadow government controlling their milking and breeding.

(New) Diablo_NL (There is no name for this AFAIK)

You hve two cows.
You let the two cows fight each other untill one dies.
You sell the beef of the dead cow as "honourable beef" charging twice asmuch for it.
You sell the milk of the living cow as "honourable milk" And charge twice as much for it.

TARASOVKA NITPICKING CAPITALISM
You have two cows
You idiots! It's spelled 'cyows', not cows!
You let your giant vegetable eat the cows


That's "coyws", not 'cyows'! Whats up with you people?

Haven't been studying your "Weird Taraskovyan Spelling just to drive other guys crazy" book, have you? :x

...unless there are some godless genetic experiments you guys are holding behind those closed forums of yours.

*Coughs* 'Gosh, what a terrible cough I have...'

KABAL UBERLIBERALISM
...

Nah.

...

On second though.

KABAL UBERLIBERALISM
You have two cows. They deserve to die.
Kill them in a gladiatorial arena.
Raid Melkor to get more.
Sell "beef" made from captured Melkor citizens.

Roanian Psycocatholic consumerism
you have two cows
You gas one with vx for being a godless heathen animal
you give the other to Siri as a way of saying that you are sorry
You steal milk from a smaller vampire nation

FEDERAL WELFARE STATE MILITARISTIC PACIFISM

You have two cows.
You spend months working out how to arm them with howitzers and sell them on for billions.

Yes, the WBO executive part rocks. Wonder where you stole it from...

SENTIENT PEOPLES, UM, ECONOMY

You have two cows.
The government declares them non-sentient, allowing you to do whatver you want to them.
You alter the genetic design until you can drain milk at low light fractional speeds, and sell the cows to the military for absurdly high prices.
The government declares you non-sentient, SPARTANs raid your home, kill you, and take your genetic modification program, and apply it to all the cows.

Someone sent me a joke about Roanians. I don't think it's funny, but...

You know you are a Roanian if...

A) Your walls are decorated with images of a 21 year old man, and it's not Pornography.

B) Your national animal sets things on fire and you aren't allowed to defend yourself.

C) If you chew gum outside, they drag you off and kill you.

D) Your neighbors disapear in the night, and are replaced by new neighbors within 12 hours, and you aren't allowed to ask about them.

E) Your money is taken away so the state can buy a gun to shoot you with.

F) You go to sleep outside, and when you wake up you're in the army.

G) Your native wildlife preserves are under lock and key, for your protection (Rather than that of the animals)

SILVER TURTLE HYDRO CAPITALISM

You have two cows
You hide them in your underwater Dome of Doom
You ask other evil nation to let their cows join yours

Angstian Capitalism, live from the WBO boards:

Mr. Morden walks in, a rather large amount of icecream in his hands. Showing his usual, faint smile, while at the same time looking as if saying 'It`s all mine!', and looks at all the other delegates:

"Tuesday."

Then he walks away, enjoying his icecream without offering anyone a piece of said icecream.

No icecream for us? Thats just mean

*runs away crying*

and i really could have used some right about now! :'(


*points to the Ice cream selling car right in front of the doors*


Yeah, but it's Angstian ice and probably filled with chemicals.

What happened to those competing stands by the way? They seem to have 'dissapeared' over time...


"No idea. Perhaps they lost interest..."

*In a hospital nearby*

"Exitus. We can`t help him."
"Horrible... just horrible..." The doctor, 59 years old, looked tired. He had seen way to much death, much more than people should see in their lifetime.
"I wonder how the hell a simple icecream seller is hit by two dozen bullets from a submachine gun..."

Roanian Psycocatholic consumerism
you have two cows
You gas one with vx for being a godless heathen animal
you give the other to Siri as a way of saying that you are sorry
You steal milk from a smaller vampire nation

Celeborne Suicidal Satirism

You have two cows.
You anger Roania
You tell Roania that because you're bigger, you will win any war
Roania destroys your civilian population with the WMDs it doesn't have
Roania takes cows
Kills one for being godless heathen animal
Gives other to Siri as a way of saying sorry
Then marches back into your nation
and puts all of your people in machines that turn them into milk.

ROFLMAO !!! that was awesome, now shut up cause I am bigger than you :wink:

ROFLMAO !!! that was awesome, now shut up cause I am bigger than you :wink:

Say that again.

<Hand begins to move towards green button, map of Celeborne appears on desk>

ROFLMAO !!! that was awesome, now shut up cause I am bigger than you :wink:

Say that again.

<Hand begins to move towards green button, map of Celeborne appears on desk>

Save it for the vampires. :D I don't know why I like you, but you are one of my favorites here.

TVC DEFEND-DA-HOMIES CAPITALISM

You have two cows
You notice Roania started some beef over cows (please note the brilliant wordplay at this point)
You notice an entire region mobilize against Roania
You steal Roania's cows before things start blowing up

It is so nice to have friends :)

TAHAR JOBLISSAN ECONOMY:

You have two cows.
You stare at the cows and get stoned. Are we supposed to be doing something?

You call the government.
The Tahar Joblissan government puts the cows in a zoo, uses them for genetic experimentation, and uses the results to design substitute cheese products from genetically modified seaweed.

BISONIC/KLAMATHIAN ECONOMY:

You have two cows. You sell the two cows to your government at exorbitant prices as methane based biological weapons platforms. The government sells those two cows seven thousand times to naive defense ministers in small poor countries who can't afford cows.

RUSSIAN FORCES ECONOMY:

You have two cows. The government takes one for taxes, shoots the other, and then jails you to find out what you did with the two cows entrusted to you.

IMPERIAL FORCES ECONOMY:

You have two cows. The government seizes your cows, and drafts you for the army to fight GDODAD.

PURE EVIL ECONOMY:

You have three cows. You milk all of them, sell half the milk to your government, half to your neighbor, and lord it over the poor Russians across the border from you.

ALLANEAN ECONOMY:

You have two cows. You shoot your neighbor's cows and sell him the milk from your cows. The government gives you a medal.

FREEBODNIK ECONOMY:

You have a cow. You let the cow share your weed with you. Peace out, man.

MENELMACARI ECONOMY:

You have five cows with pointy ears, which levitate and shoot plasma bolts.

MELKORIAN ECONOMY:

You have three Uruk-Cows. The government summarily executes you, forces your children to milk the first one, kills the second for beef, drafts the third into the army, and uses the first for genetic experiments involving your children on the days they don't have to milk it.

MENELMACARI ECONOMY:

You have five cows with pointy ears, which levitate and shoot plasma bolts.



And woe be to any who try to harm any pointed eared cows for any reason....

Chimaea condemns the use of cows for this purpose, and will impose sanctions followed by military strikes if you do not let the cows go within 48 hours.

TSARAINESE "SOUND GOVERNANCE":

You have two cows.
The government confiscates them and jails you for being a subversive dissident traitor to the state.
You are brainwashed into a mindless automaton to milk the cows.
The cows are genetically engineered into horrible killing machines who are utterly loyal to the state.
One of them dies during this process.
You are killed trying to milk the other one.
The government feeds the people lactose secreted by bacteria instead.

BROTHERHOOD OF NOD GENCONOMICS:

You have two cows.
The government takes them, shoots you and starts performing Tiberium experiments on them, creating glowing übercows of doom that can take on entire infantry divisions.
Unfortunately only one in three-hundred cows survives the process.
But hey, life stinks.

Roanian Psycocatholic consumerism
you have two cows
You gas one with vx for being a godless heathen animal
you give the other to Siri as a way of saying that you are sorry
You steal milk from a smaller vampire nation

That's Roania! :lol:

Jeruselem Catholism

You have two cows.
One is given to local Catholic Church to support it's farm industry.
The other is given to the local Jews to make money from overpriced milk.
Poisoned milk is given to government opponents.

KNOOTIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

Maybe. But this might be more accurate:

KNOOTIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
The cow on the left is a member of the SLP.
The farmer sells one cow, and there is a cabinet crisis.
The new cow is a member of the Green Party. The farmer is not allowed to milk it, because animals are people too. This makes him mad.
He sells that cow and leases a new cow from Menelmacar. This cow still belongs to Siri, so he is not allowed to milk it, only stare at it adoringly.
There is a cabinet crisis.
The farmer trades in his cows for two that look more tranquil. There is a brief cabinet crisis. The cows give a long speech about Zeetrolls. Everyone goes back to sleep. The farmer still hasn't got any milk.

(and on the other hand)

THIRD WORLDISM
You have two cows.
You're very thirsty, but the Duque of Hell Bovines is coming over later tonight.
You have an orange juice instead.

RAEVYNESE SOCIALISM
You have no cows.

Newb Capitalism
You have 3626176347 nookular cows
You attempt to invade elder nations with your nookular cows
You have no cows.

CETAGANDAN CAPITALISM, PART 1

You have one cow.
You come up with a wonderful way to make money from that cow.
You put considerable effort into making your idea work.
That bastard Zin Karma hears about it, and the KCTS mass-produces a generic version of your product.
You petition the Emperor to send some c-fracs hurtling towards KCTS headquarters.
He reminds you his family has a lot of money invested in KCTS.
You sell your cow and go into arms manufacturing or information technology.

KNOOTIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

Maybe. But this might be more accurate:

KNOOTIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
The cow on the left is a member of the SLP.
The farmer sells one cow, and there is a cabinet crisis.
The new cow is a member of the Green Party. The farmer is not allowed to milk it, because animals are people too. This makes him mad.
He sells that cow and leases a new cow from Menelmacar. This cow still belongs to Siri, so he is not allowed to milk it, only stare at it adoringly.
There is a cabinet crisis.
The farmer trades in his cows for two that look more tranquil. There is a brief cabinet crisis. The cows give a long speech about Zeetrolls. Everyone goes back to sleep. The farmer still hasn't got any milk.


ROFLMAO! I concede. That is far more accurate. ^_^ Really funny! Actually I am planning onother cabinet crisis right now... :wink:

Thelas Economy Jokes II

You have two cows,
You join the GDODAD
You invade Knootoss and take three cows with you
You give Sirithil two cows to keep the grav-ships away
You use the other cow to buy new grav-ships.

EOTED IMPERIALISTIC PSUEDO-DEMOCRACY

You have two billion cows.
Thirty million cows are elected to govern the rest of the cows.
Thirty million more are randomly selected from the general cow population over a certain age.
Both cow-groups argue incessantly.
An elite group of cows forms a cow-governing-body, which overrules the other cows at every oppurtunity.

The under-cows hate the elite cows.
Arguments ensue.
The Head-Cow issues a Bovine Decree, banning all arguments.
This merely causes more arguments.
The Herd proceeds to invade a random country, quelling the arguments in favour of mass-violence.

The world complains bitterly, claiming that the cows are arrogant and haughty.

The cows merely state flatly that they are superior; everyone else declares this entire exercise not funny in the slightest.

The cows agree that no, it isn't funny.

The cows do not back down on the superiority issue, though, which alienates their allies and angers the international community.

The cows state flatly that they do not care.

After a while, people start to wonder just how the hell the cows managed to learn to talk in the first place.

EOTED SOCIO-CAPITALIST SEMI-PLANNED PSUEDO-OPEN MARKET

You have two cows.
Both cows are forced to produce only enough milk to fulfil this week's milk quotas. Any milk produced above the set quota is destroyed.
The unemployed portion of the population are utilized to milk the cows.

Pakled economics:

You have two animals in the barnyard.
Geordi says they are cows and you have to milk them.
We don't know how to milk cows. One cow kicks a Pakled in the head.
Geordi pours himself his third Jack Daniels.

LCS

You have two cows

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

and u build a barn. and get other animals. than you start singing old mcdonald because you have a whole barn full of animals

OLd mcdonald had a farm, e i e i o. with a quack quack here...

IESUS CHRISTI THEOCRATIC FASCISM

You have two cows.
Hey, those cows aren't going to church! You inform the secret police.
You have no cows. They've been sent to a "re-education" center.
You still have no cows. Terrible, that accident they had, isn't it?
You still have no cows. Whichever Iesus is in power at the moment has steak for dinner.

RAEVYN THEOCRATIC SOCIALISM

You have no cows. Have some elk, instead.

DEMONESS... um... DEMONESS

You have two cows.
Wait, they're dead. You have no cows.
Wait, one of them is alive again. You have a cow.
The dead cow is now a god. You still have the other cow.
Oops, now it's dead again.
So is the god cow.
Don't have a cow.

ESTAVIA MACCHIAVELLIAN MONARCHY

You have two cows. They have noble titles.
You engage one of your cows to a bull from the neighboring country, and use this as a pretext to gain trade inroads into that country's beef market.
You engage the other cow to a bull from another neighboring country, as a physical commemoration of the milk-sharing treaty you've just signed.
Meanwhile, your two cows are secretly carrying on a love affair with each other.
After a few years, both bulls end up dead -- of perfectly natural causes, of course. Of course! You start looking for new bulls to which to engage your cows.

TERRAUS MILITARY "DEMOCRACY"

You have two cows.
One cow is an Air Force major. One cow is not.
One cow is a full citizen. The other is barely second-class.
Guess which one?

XEN PSYCHOTIC XENOPHOBIC DICTATORSHIP

You have two cows.
Someone is trying to steal your cows! The voices told you so.
You launch a few dozen nukes. Mainly at yourself.
You have two radioactive cows. (Xenite cows are tough.)

LAVENRUNZIAN CONSTITUTIONAL MONARCHY

You have no cows. You have people to do that sort of thing for you. While technically you do own two cows, and, yes, in fact you are accounted a skilled breeder by some, that's really a matter of tradition, and hardly worth mentioning. Want some milk? There's plenty.

Its vain and sad but here goes.

The New Separatism-

You have two cows.
You give both the day off.
For that day, you get milk from a cornershop.
While the cows sleep you extract DNA and clone more.
The Cows wake up and are confused to be surrounded by themselves.
The 2 original cows retreat into madness , their milk sours.
They are unleashed into the backyard of a CACE farm when they are not looking.

MATRIX-style Economy
You have two cows.
Actually, you don't, they're just computer programs created by the machines so you can unknowingly be a human battery...but you don't know that.
Your two digital cows digitally produce digital milk.
You collect your digital milk and send it to a large, fake company.
Some of that digital milk goes into an orgasm cake, courtesy of a French guy.
The rest of the digital milk is distributed onto fake store shelves.
On your (fake) way to pick up some milk, you meet a strange bald kid, who informs you that "There is no milk." Said milk disappears.
Strange bald child continues by informing you that "There is no cow." Said cows disappear.
The agents hunt you down, because now you know the truth. The agents digitally shoot you with pistols.
Your mind thinks that you're dead, so your heart stops. You are ejected from your pod in the real world, melted into black goo, and fed to others.
The Matrix has you.

So, why not use cows in The Matrix instead of humans?

So, why not use cows in The Matrix instead of humans?
I am looking for that PvP comic about that. Hold on.

And nowMOOTRIX

http://www2.freepichosting.com/Images/88734/1.jpg

ESTAVIA MACCHIAVELLIAN MONARCHY

You have two cows. They have noble titles.
You engage one of your cows to a bull from the neighboring country, and use this as a pretext to gain trade inroads into that country's beef market.
You engage the other cow to a bull from another neighboring country, as a physical commemoration of the milk-sharing treaty you've just signed.
Meanwhile, your two cows are secretly carrying on a love affair with each other.
After a few years, both bulls end up dead -- of perfectly natural causes, of course. Of course! You start looking for new bulls to which to engage your cows.
I... uhh... That is to say, I... *cough* OH MY GOD! WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE! *dramatic escape*

RAEVYN THEOCRATIC SOCIALISM

You have no cows. Have some elk, instead.
Elk: It is what is for dinner! And lunch. And breakfast. And most everything betwixt.

~Random Raevynese elk herder


RAEVYN THEOCRATIC SOCIALISM

You have two elk.
You get more milk and meat from your elk than is required.
You get an extra ration ticket.
You spend it on an umbrella.
You and your seven children rejoice.

WHITTIERIAN SELF-COMMUNISM

You have one cow.
You say you have twenty cows, invade two and form a mighty alliance with the rest.
You have one cow.

MARATHONIAN ECONOMY:

You have cows. You train them to stampede all over new players. The moderators delete your cows.

MENELMACARI CONSPIRACY THEORY ECONOMY:

You have two human women and two cows. You enslave and milk the humans, and kill and eat the cow. Why? You hate humans, and elven kids love human milk based products. Besides, no need to kill the humans until they've spent their productive lives providing milk and slave labor. :P

RAEVYNESE ECONOMY, part II:

You have an elk. Your thirteen children kill and eat the elk while you are out getting an umbrella with your extra ration ticket.

NYNJ Economy:
You have two cows.You strap a nuke to one cow for "defense" and mug the other cow because you think its a CACE Agent. You then use the "defense" nuclear cow against the CACE Cow only to realize you forgot to milk the cow and the only thing you got from the mugging was a leather wallet.

MARATHONIAN ECONOMY:

You have cows. You train them to stampede all over new players. The moderators delete your cows.
You also have the coolest cows in the history of NS. 8)


RAEVYNESE ECONOMY, part II:

You have an elk. Your thirteen children kill and eat the elk while you are out getting an umbrella with your extra ration ticket.
Your children are then executed for destruction of government property.

NYNJ ECONOMY, part II:

You have two cows.
The two cows manufacture illegal narcotics in their barn.
You slaughter the two cows on public television.
Dictators laud your achievements.

DRUM GODS CAPITALISM:
You have a cow, and leave.

DRUM GODS CAPITALISM:
You have a cow, and leave.

Not

You have a cow.
You try to steal foreign cows, too.
A lot of farmers who miss their cows sue you.
You leave rather than giving the cows back.
Repeat.

?

They are unleashed into the backyard of a CACE farm when they are not looking.

cows are driven further into madness as hippies that volunteer to nurse them back to health sing healing songs and try to connect with the bovine chakra within.

Could you send us some documentation concerning the bovine chakra? We're having trouble finding it.

Man, only the true chakra can be found by yourself. The cow must find its own way to the path of enlightenment.

Now, where's the rest of my hallucinogens, man...

Whoa. Do cows always ripple in Technicolour like that?

RAEVYNESE ECONOMY, PART IV:

Bereft and childless, you mope around depressed, until you are abducted by slave traders, who force you to help them find catgirls to sell to foreign emperors as harem pets. This is far more lucrative than the elk trade.

Meanwhile, your former wife assumes you are dead and marries a man who doesn't like umbrellas.

Man, only the true chakra can be found by yourself. The cow must find its own way to the path of enlightenment.

Now, where's the rest of my hallucinogens, man...

Whoa. Do cows always ripple in Technicolour like that?

http://www.thefunnypage.com/kiss/kiss.gif

AH! AH! Bad trip, bad trip! Go back to the flying and the weird 60's music!

SCOLOPENDRAN ECONOMY:

You have two cows. A kzinti official kills one in a momentary loss of temper. Everybody has a beef.
You have a cow.

*looks at cow impersonating Angelina Jolie*


:shock:


Mother of God...

Vort, if I ever see that picture again I'm sending the OMG 1337 Mod Firing Squad around your way.

Dear God...

http://www.thefunnypage.com/kiss/kiss.gif

Talk about apropo. :shock:

LCS

You have two cows

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

and u build a barn. and get other animals. than you start singing old mcdonald because you have a whole barn full of animals

OLd mcdonald had a farm, e i e i o. with a quack quack here...

You also notice that Lord Christofer Scott is much saner on the old Dominion forum...

RAEVYNESE ECONOMY, PART IV:

Bereft and childless, you mope around depressed, until you are abducted by slave traders, who force you to help them find catgirls to sell to foreign emperors as harem pets. This is far more lucrative than the elk trade.

Meanwhile, your former wife assumes you are dead and marries a man who doesn't like umbrellas.
RAEVYNESE ECONOMY, PART IV (correct version)
Bereft and childless, you mope around depressed until you are drafted into the Raevynese Holy Army and sent to hunt down slave traders. Afterwards, you are forced into building walls around the catgirl communes so as to keep out the foreigners. You die from exhaustion and your wife, who receives an elk as compensation and is traumatized by your death and the death of her children, marries a catgirl.

EMPIRE OF THE ETERNAL DAWN PORNOGRAPHY:

http://www.silveragent.com/images/mirrorwhole.jpg

Hm.

HACK ECONOMY

You don't have any freaking cows because your Beef Based Agriculture sector blows.
You buy all your cow needs from other countries.
You pay for such needs by creating detailed VR cows.
The tech's never seen a cow, so it has 7 legs and is purple.

Karmabaijani Economy:

You don't have any cows because you live on a terraformed world.
You have a megacorp that produces genetically superior Kow brand cows, with higher meat content.
Everyone has a Kowburger.

The megacorp funds a network of industrial espionage with Kow sales.
The megacorp is able to beat competitors to market with creatively-spelled versions of their competitors products.
Megacorp stock goes up, enriching the masses, and enabling them to buy more Kow.

EMPIRE OF THE ETERNAL DAWN PORNOGRAPHY:

http://www.silveragent.com/images/mirrorwhole.jpg

Sorry Semir. But was just an excellent joke. Nice one scolo.

CETAGANDAN ECONOMY, PART II

You are a serf with a small farm.
You have one cow.
The cow wanders into an area with high magic contamination.
The cow becomes sentient.
The Cow serves in the military (Surface Strategic Forces), allowing it to become a Citizen.
The Cow goes to college and gets several degrees, including one in genetic engineering.
The Cow creates an even better version of Kow, called Qow.
For her acheivement with Qow, the Emperor grants The Cow a title of nobility.
Countess Cow gets a district to go with the title, which happens to include your home.
The Cow has one you.

RAEVYNESE ECONOMY, PART IV:

Bereft and childless, you mope around depressed, until you are abducted by slave traders, who force you to help them find catgirls to sell to foreign emperors as harem pets. This is far more lucrative than the elk trade.

Meanwhile, your former wife assumes you are dead and marries a man who doesn't like umbrellas.
RAEVYNESE ECONOMY, PART IV (correct version)
Bereft and childless, you mope around depressed until you are drafted into the Raevynese Holy Army and sent to hunt down slave traders. Afterwards, you are forced into building walls around the catgirl communes so as to keep out the foreigners. You die from exhaustion and your wife, who receives an elk as compensation and is traumatized by your death and the death of her children, marries a catgirl.

RAEVYNESE ECONOMY, PART VI:

You are a widow who has married a catgirl and been given an elk by the government. You and the catgirl drink milk straight from the udder of the elk on moonlit nights and get around to doing very little productive.

Okay. The real Roanian economy:

You have two cows.
The government takes one cow, and turns it into beef, which you are allowed to look at (but not touch, and certainly not taste, you bloody poor person)
Your second cow is taken, with your farm, by a multinational corporation that owns thousands of cows, but took yours for the same reason a dog licks his balls (to whit, because they can)
You then get drafted into the military.

ATHAMASHAN SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government taxes both of them. You are subject to Bovine Regulation 4503.1(p), which is literally written in a foreign language you can't understand (but should). Because you're in contrivention, the government's "Economization" program buys your farm and converts it into a munitions factory and hires you to work there.

RAEVYNESE ECONOMY, PART IV:

Bereft and childless, you mope around depressed, until you are abducted by slave traders, who force you to help them find catgirls to sell to foreign emperors as harem pets. This is far more lucrative than the elk trade.

Meanwhile, your former wife assumes you are dead and marries a man who doesn't like umbrellas.
RAEVYNESE ECONOMY, PART IV (correct version)
Bereft and childless, you mope around depressed until you are drafted into the Raevynese Holy Army and sent to hunt down slave traders. Afterwards, you are forced into building walls around the catgirl communes so as to keep out the foreigners. You die from exhaustion and your wife, who receives an elk as compensation and is traumatized by your death and the death of her children, marries a catgirl.

RAEVYNESE ECONOMY, PART VI:

You are a widow who has married a catgirl and been given an elk by the government. You and the catgirl drink milk straight from the udder of the elk on moonlit nights and get around to doing very little productive.
RAEVYNESE ECONOMY, PART VII

You are then sent to a gulag for not meeting quota and for corrupting a Divine Being.
Tired of the deplorable conditions, you try to escape.
You are shot.
The catgirl is sent to the Imperial Palace to become an Imperial Maid.

tag

Ezellohar Economy:

You have two cows.
You let them loose in the forests of Ezellohar everyday to commune with nature.
Cows run away.
You go broke because you lost your only two cows and the source of your milk store.
Buy two more cows.
Kill them for meat.
Get arrested for breaking the Enforced Vegan Diet Act
Sent to jail for a thousand years (hey this is an elvish nation).
Get out of jail only to learn that your first two cows became famous sorcerers.
The two cows are kind enough to hire you to clean up their poop everyday.
What a life.

CENNA ECONOMY:

You have two cows. One belongs to EOTED and one to Menelmacar. A bunch of people try to milk both cows, which kick people in the heads repeatedly.

Someone goes riding. You have one cow.

EOTED and Menelmacar split the cow down the middle and try to milk the halves. EOTED demands seventeen cows in damages from Menelmacar.