NationStates Jolt Archive

Kaukolastan declares "War on Water"

13-11-2003, 06:06
General Grevados, following his ill fated and accidental semi-coup of the Kaukolastan government (, fled to his lair on Isis, the weapons depot and uranium mine he commanded. Well, he didn't really command it... but no superior could work up the nerve to tell the nuclear armed sociopath that he "couldn't" run his island. Reeling from the early demise of Bertha his Nuke/Bride, he plotted revenge against the cruel world. As he stared out sinisterly over the sea breaking agains the cofferdam, he realised it's abominable existance. The sea laughs at me. It mocks me! Why, just yesterday, the sound of water made me wet myself! I shall teach it a lesson it shall never forget!

"Minions!" he bellowed, summoning his henchmen, formerly known as the Third Infantry Division before he renamed them. They also would not tell the General "no".

A tired looking man in a form fitting jumpsuit stepped up. "Yes, sir?" the former Colonel asked. He missed the good old days, when he was still Colonel Vickers, not Henchman Number Three.
The General pointed to the ex-Colonel. "Deploy the minions for combat! We must defeat the sea!"

"Sir?" the tired man asked. "Why would we-"

"Don't question my genius! And why aren't you wearing your tin-foil armor suit? You know it is uniform requirements to have at least 60% tin-foil coverage of your semi-scifi jumpsuit!"

The Colonel sighed. "Okay sir, I'll put on my tinfoil."

"And the small cap with the secret symbol?"

"Yes, sir. Sir, can I have my name back? I think I've performed well enough to get a nametag."

"Well... Vickers is so un-henchmenlike. Maybe... Volg. Yes, that's it! You'll be my new super-soldier commander, Volg! Just Volg, like Madonna!"

"Yes, sir." the ex-officer sighed.

"Now prepare the troops for battle! I will summon my chariot, and we'll do glorious battle!"

And so, the former Kaukolastan Third Infantry Division prepared to battle the sea...
13-11-2003, 06:47
"He wants us to what?" Ex-Major Norris exclaimed. We set up around to beach to assault the fucking sea?" He lit a cigarrette. "This is the dumbest shit yet."

"Worse than the lava-lair construction? Or the giant pyramid?" Volg pointed his thumb at the giant, manually contructed pyramid and obelisk. "Just go along with it."

At the other end of the beach, the Pyramid's stone door rolled away, and Grevados rode forth in Roman battle dress on a white steed. Norris lit up two cigarrettes. Grevados reared his horse and bellowed across the field, "Forward, my warriors! Forward into the fires of Hades! We shall defeat this vile enemy once and for all! We will trample him beneath our feet and scourge his face with our might! To battle!" he pointed his sword forward, and the Third ID charged into the water, shooting it with their M4s as they ran. A soldier on the beach fired a LAW into the waves, and the water fountained up. Grevados, seeing this, cried out, "The enemy is merely mortal! See it bleed!"

On the beach, a sniper and spotter were behind a barricade. The sniper was staring down his scope. "This is pointless! What do I shoot at! It's all the same."

The spotter shrugged. "Dunno. Try to pick off a fish."

The PSG-1 rocked as the bullet lunged forth, blasting a small fish to pieces. The sniper grinned slightly. "That was amazingly fun."

The assault roared on as the armor approached the scene.
13-11-2003, 07:25
The first wave of M1A2s roared into the water, their 120mm smoothbores firing into exotic and endangered coral reefs. Grevados stood among the water plumes, waving his sword and battle standard. "Release hell!"

Two F-23 Black Widows roared overhead, releasing cannisters from their belly bays. The cannisters shattered against the water, spraying napalm over the ocean's surface. The napalm ignited with a fiery blast, the burning fuel floating on the water, like an intentional oil spill... but burning! Norris shook his head. "Greenpeace is gonna be pissed..."

Grevados stood before the flames and explosions. "See how it burns! Like Cleveland!" He spun about on his horse. "We have not done our worst yet!"

Overhead, two choppers flew past, their rotors fanning the floating inferno. As they passed overhead, their chainguns ripped into the water. They cleared the firey area, and hovered. SEAL teams leapt from the side in scuba gear. The SpecOps planted C-4 across the outer reef and reboarded the Blackhawks. Grevados lowered his sword and bellowed as the entire reef network was blasted to spinning chunks that whirled through the air. "Now they know fear!"

Volg couldn't believe it. He stole one of Norris's cigarettes and lit up himself to calm. "He just blasted the Isis Reef... the last of its kind!"

In the front of the formation, Grevados sounded the trumpet to retreat. "The enemy is battered! While his wounds fester, we shall feast! Return to our Citadel!" His horse leapt back for the beach, and the Third ID pulled back to their barracks.

As the Troops rested and ate their K-ration feast, B-52s continued to carpet bomb the ocean in preparation for Operation Pillar.
13-11-2003, 09:34
OOC: I can't believe it. Some moron declares war on water, and no one even makes a snappy comment. Wow. I guess I just wasn't outlandish enough. Well, fear not, readers, because Operation Pillar is better known as Operation Nuke-the-Water!
13-11-2003, 09:36
I fully supporttt this operation.

13-11-2003, 09:51
Pfft. 's hardly a formidable foe, is it? I mean, water? I wouldn't piss on it if it was on fire. I eat water for breakfast!

Uhm, well..

Have you tried electrocuting it?
13-11-2003, 09:52
Pfft. 's hardly a formidable foe, is it? I mean, water? I wouldn't piss on it if it was on fire. I eat water for breakfast!

Uhm, well..

Have you tried electrocuting it?
Just wait for Pillar, coming live, tomorrow!
Ozymandias IV
13-11-2003, 14:27
Umberto IV, secretary of information for the Republic of Ozymandias IV, looked up from his biography of Rommel

"Didn't Caligula already do this?"

He returned to his book with a shake of his head.
13-11-2003, 14:43
If it rains, things will get interesting. Shooting missiles at clouds which fall back down?

13-11-2003, 15:00
Didn't King Xerxes of Persia have the Hellesponte(SP?) whipped when it wrecked a bridge the Persian Army built? seriousley though, this is insane, the sea must defend itself! send in Free Willy!
13-11-2003, 15:05
This is not a war on water it just a mockey
13-11-2003, 21:27
A secret bunker on Isis...
"Releasing activation order..."

"Orbit aligned."

"Calibration attained."

"Setting Parameters."

"Beam dispersion set."

"Reactor charged, firing controls online."

"Coolant ready."

"Dish deployed, particles charged."


In orbit, the Ionic Tether fired. A powerful stream of charged particles penetrated the atmosphere, searching for the surface. They struck water four miles from Isis, and the water didn't even ripple. But, in the ionisphere, things were getting dangerous. An Aurora Borealis appeared from the disturbed magnetic field, and the fields were sublty altered by the puncture...

The connection from the ionisphere was made to the water, power to ground. The energy in the magnetic field around the earth was directed inward in a beam of pure light that shimmered, stabbing the ocean. THe EMP fried unhardened circuits for miles, and the water boiled off in a tremendous steam blast of near nuclear proportions. A five hundred meter wide, two kilometer deep crater was gouged in the oceans surface by the boiloff, and the beam swung along with the satellite's orbit, carving the surface. The beam faded, and the water crashed back in... then out...

The man made tsunami swept costal cities for miles around, including Isis Island. The breakwalls held, and the sealed buildings sustained only minor leakage, but the coastal defenses were swept away, as were the lower sections of sensor control centers.

"Damn you, Water!" Grevados screamed at the devastation. "That was a vile counterattack! We will never surrender! Prepare another Ion Assault! Launch the planes and napalm this water to hell!"
The Trojan Empire
13-11-2003, 21:48
<OOC: Hey it's Caligula, Jr.!>
13-11-2003, 22:06
OOC: Where do you think I got the idea? 8)

Ministry of Defense
News Conference

"-General Grevados, though eccentric is no danger to anyone. Just don't go fishing near Isis right now."

There was a sudden crash, and the room was thrown about. The wall was ripped open by the earthquake, and in the distance, a column of fire was spearing the water. Darrin Vek turned to Admiral Yates, "Is that the Ion Tether?"

"Yes, sir, uh... I believe he's using it on the water."

"Won't that make a tidal wave?" Vek looked over the sea again, saw the huge wave heading for them. "Shit."
13-11-2003, 22:18
*a telegram to Kaukolastan ministry of defense*


We have just gained new intel on your war!


Espionage I tell ya! Kill all carbon-based life forms!
13-11-2003, 22:23
Vek read the Capsule telegram carefully, balancing on his floating desk. "If Grevados heard this..." Vek shuddered at the thought. He called an aide. "He never got this TG, right?"

"I believe so, sir. I hope so." The aide shuffled a bit. "Sir, we really should stop him."

"How?" Vek asked. "He's got our WMD! Right now, he's just trying to help us! Imagine how much damage he'd do if he were actually fighting us!" Vek looked around at his former office as he floated through on his raft. "Besides, now I have an indoor pool."
14-11-2003, 15:42
Meanwhile, on Isis...

Grevados paced around the small, dim room, letting his boots rap against the metal floor. "So, he won't talk..." he muttered.

"No, sir." the Intelligence Agent responded. "We've tried everything short of torture, but the prisoner will not reveal the location of their secret base." The ISA Operative used every bit of Black Ops training he had not to roll his eyes at the idiocy of his situation. In the next room, through a one-way mirror, another ISA Interrogator was yelling at a glass of water, demanding the location of the Rebel Base.l

Grevados scowled. "Fine. Use torture. And inform the prisoner that if he doesn't reveal the location of the base, I'll be forced to destroy his homeworld."

"Uh, sir... that would be our world."

"Eternal vigilance is the price of peace, Agent!"

That makes no sense! He's just quoting movie quips now! "Sir, maybe we should just destroy the water. It would give us room to ramp up at each step."

"Ahh. Good point, Agent. Now, break the prisoner!" Grevados stormed out.

The ISA Operative turned, cued a mike. "Begin drinking water." In the Interrogation room, the other man began to drink water in front of the glass, trying to frighten the prisoner.
Itinerate Tree Dweller
14-11-2003, 16:25
Very nice... But we all know the real culprit.... Hydrogen and Oxygen!!! Anyways... I currently have in production my own nuclear arsenal... and I would gladly provide your government with a few, when they are finished.
-President of ITD-
15-11-2003, 06:26
"We have earned allies with our valor!" Grevados declared to the command staff. "But we do not need their nukes. As you are aware, I went to the capital with Bertha, but her sister Betty still resides in this base. Come nightfall, we shall release our holy fire upon the waters of this world and destroy them all!"

One of the techs nudged the other. "Pull out the warhead 'fore he launches it."

"I'll try."
15-11-2003, 06:35
We at the Wolfsreich Department of Useless Information just checked the UN rankings, and there are over 46,000 nations stupider than Kaukolastan. Proof that one bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch.

In the meantime, we'll watch, highly amused, as this war continues, but stand ready to intervene on the water's behalf if this does anything to disrupt our maritime trade.
15-11-2003, 07:03
"I give up." the ISA agent almost cried, watching the glass of water across the table. "I'm a highly trained interogator, and there's no way in hell I can get a glass of fricking water to talk!" In anger, he threw the cup against the wall.

The other agent shrugged. "Just give the General some coordinates. Might end this idiocy."

The first agent shrugged. "How about the Gulf of Tonkin? That deserves a nuking."

"Sure. Let's just get this over with."
15-11-2003, 21:06


SteamEarth's Minister for War

"The government of SteamEarth has decided this so-called 'war-on-water' is getting out of hand and has chose to counter-act before the madman behind it dooms the world. If its a war on water he wants, its a war on water he'll get!"



The blimp Imperial is over the ocean close to an island, its crew push an MOAD overbboard then hits the nitro and gets the hell of there.

One minute later the bomb blows cuasing a giant tidal wave which races towards the island.
16-11-2003, 00:34
General Grevados stood ontop of his command post, watching the water approach. "Damn you, water!" he bellowed as the alarm clanged. The soldiers piled into their sealed bunkers just before the water smashed into the island. It was a replay of the Ion Tether incident, washing away the recently constructed fortifications and swamping the C3 facility.

In a rage, Grevados stormed down to the upper level. "Fire Betty!" he ordered.

"Sir? What coordinates?"

"It doesn't matter! The world's mostly water. We'll strike them at random! Ha! How will they take that?" He broke off into either laughter or a seizure.

The technician stared at his control board, picked a nice watery target, and activated the launch control. Two keys inserted and turned. A button was pushed. Betty roared skyward on a plume of fire.
16-11-2003, 00:57
Dear General Grevados.

We here at Celack arms ltd have found a way to turn your enemy, water, into a infantry weapons Behold The super-saoker!
16-11-2003, 11:39

A blimp appeared over the island, a large tank seemed to be attached to the underneath. A large hatch opened and gallons of water fell out, again flooding the island.


A plane flew overhead with the banner 'HERE COMES THE BIG ONE!'

An hour later a fleet of blimp appeared on the horizon, carrying a large net between them. The net was opened when it was over the island and thousands of water ballons fell onto the island.
16-11-2003, 11:43
"And in other news, the forecast for today in kaukolastan predicts heavy showers of Rain..."
16-11-2003, 12:54

Over the North Pole:
Betty came out of her space phase, arcing down over the arctic circle, her payload ready. The detonators fired, compression the Plutonium. With an incredible blast of heat and pressure, the nuclear warhead detonated a half mile over the North Pole. The heat flash vaporized the ice into steam, then blasted the outlying chunks in all directions, hurling glaciers about. The vaporized glaciers rained down, the water billowing away in a tremendous tidal wave. As the cloud rose, the ice surface was carved into a bowl beneath.

The wave expanded, millions upon millions of gallons of water released in one cataclysmic wave.
16-11-2003, 12:55
Capital City
Ministry of Defense

Darrin Vek sipped his coffee in his newly dried and refurbished office. He calmly read the paper when his phone rang. He picked it up. "Yes?" he asked.

The paper and coffee fell to the ground.

"He did what?"
17-11-2003, 05:16
General Grevados watched the water's tidal wave counterattack sweep away the beaches, but after the previous times, even this seemed blase. He turned to Volg, began to issue orders. "Well, it seems that this water is not easily broken. Even without their command post, they fight on, and with allies. Perhaps, we should instead enslave the water to fight for us..."

Volg asked, "Are you talking about those "Super-Soakers" we've been informed of?"

"Perhaps, but perhaps more... order our ISA Operatives to begin work on these weapons."

A water balloon crashed on the ground near them as a blimp flew overhead. Grevados rolled aside, drew his sidearm, and began firing at the blimp. Volg sighed and grabbed his comm. "Solstice Squadron, blast these jokers."

Twelve F-23 Black Widows roared into view, strafed the blimp with their guns, and banked away.

Grevados turned to Volg. "Well, we need to cut off their supplies. We must destroy these rain clouds!"
17-11-2003, 08:12
Kaukolastan Emergency Press Brief
Darrin Vek stood at the podium, sweating profusely and swaying a little bit with each word. He was speaking to a crowd of journalists, "... as you are aware, we have been subjected to massive tsunamis in the past few weeks. These are also caused by the rogue General Grevados, as has the draught he caused by seeding the rain clouds out to see in order to "break their supply routes"."

A reporter asked, "How can we deal with these conditions, and with the rogue general."

Vek shrugged. "Personally, I just get roaring drunk when I wake up and stay that way 'till I pass out from ODing on pills." He pulled out a bottle of vodka and shotgunned it. He wiped the spill away from his stained suit and popped a mushroom. As he began to smile stupidly, he declared, "See. It's all pretty now..." he then fell face first onto the floor and attempted to swim.

"What's he doing?" the reporter asked, irate.

The ISA Agent shrugged nonchalantly, "The backstroke."
17-11-2003, 10:55
-bumpage for new day-
17-11-2003, 22:30
Grevados sat at his desk, pondering recent events. Major Norris of the ISA stood there with him, as did Volg, who wasn't allowed to say anything but grunts. Grevados spoke quietly, "Gentlemen... we have been infiltrated. I have found this disturbing information... some humans are mostly water. I need you to run a Water-Test on everyone in the base and detain them for questioning."

Norris looked at Volg, who smiled. They had an idea.
18-11-2003, 10:08

A fleet of five blimps appeared over the island sometime before dawn, each one had a large tank. Soldiers slid down ropes and checked the area around a bunker, then gave the all clear signal. Seaveral fire hoses were then chucked over the sides of the blimp, the soldiers pushed them into an air vent and gave the thumps up.

Gallons and gallons of water was then pumped from the blimps' tanks into the air vent to try to flood out the bunker.
18-11-2003, 10:18
Two ISA Agents watched the soldiers pumping water into the old bunkers that had been abandoned when the first tidal wave struck. The first took a drag on a cigarrette, looking though binoculars, "You wanna call out the guards on these jokers?"

The second agent took the binoculars, snapped the bubbllegum he was chewing. "Nahh, I wanna see Grevados flip when he thinks we've been infiltrated."

"Oh, come on. Let me fire a flare at one of the blimps. I wanna see it go fwoosh."

"Cool it. You wanna smoke?"

"No man, smoking kills." the agent twiddled his flaregun.
18-11-2003, 10:26
DAY 4 (cont)

Meanwhile out to sea another fleet lowered a much larger bomb then the MOAB dropped on the first day, once done they hit the nitro.

Once the blimps' tanks where empty they too hit the nitro and cleared the region just as the bomb blew, this time causing a much larger wave which roared its way towards the island.
imported_The TRSN
18-11-2003, 10:40
The first agent eyeballed the wave. "Shit. Someone's being cute."

The second commented, "I shoulda popped the blimp."

The first shook his head. "No way. This wave's big, but compared to Betty the Nuke..."

The second watched the water sweep away the beaches and lower bunkers again. "For once, I'm glad the nut job decided he needed a base in an inactive volcano." The earth rumbled beneath him. He shrugged. "Or not so inactive."

The first dragged his cig again. "Just think of it as free heating."
18-11-2003, 10:58

This day only one blimp appeared over the island, something big and round was fixed to the blimp's underneath via a cable.

The blimp took up position over the volcano and stayed there, a smaller blimp lefted it and flew away over the horizon.
18-11-2003, 10:59
((OOC: OMG! *dies luaghing!* Very good stuff! I needed a good luagh. Thanks Dude. ^.^ ))

*Prince Rufus Mew had this to say about Kaukolastan's 'War on Water.'*

Prince Rufus Mew: "The man governing that nation is obviously very unstable. As of this moment, Krowemohian citizens are banned from visiting that nation. Refugees fleeing this madman's insanity will not be allowed into Krowemoh, but will be instead be deported to Celeborne's Refugee Relief Program. The travel ban may be lifted if Grevados either regains his sanity, or there is a coup d'tat. I pray for the safety of the citizens of that nation. Good day."
Reploid Productions
18-11-2003, 11:00
"Queenie, did you catch the latest news?"

"Uh-huh. And people think I'm insane."

"Anything we should do?"

"... Yeah, actually." The orange-clad reploid grins. "Send 'em some water balloons and tell them they're the latest high-tech water-prisons. It'd be funny to see the way the guy reacts when they pop!"

And thus, Grevados received a package that just smacked of top-secret government security, with a little note explaining the contents as a super-secret prison for water. Contained in the package are several bags full of empty water balloons.
18-11-2003, 13:20
DAY 5 (cont)

A small plane flew overhead with the banner 'IT'LL BE A BAD IDEA TO SHOOT DOWN THAT BLIMP!'

As it flew over the island, it dropped a small load of water ballons.

A while later another plane appeared, this time with the banner 'YES, WE'RE TAKING THE MICK!'
18-11-2003, 14:02
<Mark for laughs, many many many laughs :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:>
18-11-2003, 14:41
"Allright, boys, it's time for weapons testing." Major Norris declared. "We've begun to research the enemy, to turn his strengths against him." The Major began to sob. "I put two decades of my life into this Army! What do I get back? Childrens toys!" Norris lifted his head. "Carry on with the testing. I'm going to reallocate my resources." He grabbed a magazine from his desk and went to find the men's room.

In the room behind him, the soldiers began to fire the supersoakers at each other in jest, while a corporal filled a water balloon.

General Grevados opened the door, and the cigar fell from his mouth in shock. "What the hell are you doing?" he demanded. "This is a live fire exercise, not a squirt gun fight!"

The troops looked among themselves dubiously as the general walked among them. The Corporal filling the balloon, not watching, dropped it. The balloon burst on the floor, and Grevados leaped forward, throwing the Corporal away with a bellow. "The prisoners are escaping! Stop them!" the general drew his pistol and shot the puddle, then began to circle-strafe the sink.

Norris walked back into the room. "Bloody hell." he stated as the General shot a water pipe, flooding the room.

Grevados was in a frenzy, firing wildly. "We've gotta stop them!" The crazed man grabbed a flamethrower and fired, but this only triggered the sprinkler system. Grevados screamed in pain and fell down. "They got me! Carry on the fight, boys!"

Norris picked up the General and carried him from the room as someone shut off the sprinklers. Soldiers began to mop up the water.
18-11-2003, 14:55
The two agents watched the balloon hovering over the volcano. "Well, nasty little twerps, aren't they?" the first stated, changing cigarette packs.

The second replied, still chewing the ever hardening bubblegum, "I still wanna shoot it."

"Only thing you've ever shot is your own damn load."

"Screw you."

"You wish." The first blew smoke out of his mouth. "Go ahead, shoot at the plane. Not the blimp."

"W00t!" The second agent replied, raising his gun.

"W00t?" The first asked. "You been playing Counter-Hack again?"

"M3 50 1337!" the second man declared, activating his aimbot and shooting at the pilot of the banner towing plane. The shot was perfect, but it bounced away from the canopy. "I shoulda got a wall hack." the second agent sighed.

The first man smacked the second. "I told you, Day of Defeat is better!"
18-11-2003, 15:34
Volg toggled the projector online, giving the threat briefing to the collected soldiers. "Okay, people, this is the assessment of our oponent." He looked over, and the recovered General nodded to him. Volg clicked his remote, calling up a picture of a water molecule. "This is di-hydrogen monoxide, better known by its alias, water. As innofensive as this sounds, water is responisible for millions of deaths annually. If you breath it, it will kill you. When cold, it can give you hypothermia. When hot it will burn you. It is often paired with other dangerous chemicals, such as Chlorine. And, it is pumped into everyone's house by the civilian government." Volg closed his screen. "I think we know what this means." He wanted to cry.

Grevados cut him off. "Ladies and Gentlemen... we have been infiltrated. Agents of water are among us even now. Fortunately, the ISA has devised a test to root out these water people. Testing begins now, and anyone more than 40% water will be shot!"
18-11-2003, 17:25
Dear Grevados:

Could you please stop it? I'm trying to sleep.

-- Cthulhu
19-11-2003, 03:31
Volg stood in Grevados's office with Norris and several ISA Agents. Grevados handed Volg a device similar to a thermometer. As a matter of fact, it was a thermometer. "Sweet Jesus." Volg muttered. The ISA had told Grevados that the old mercury thermometer was a "water detector".

Grevados gave instructions. "Now, let it sit in you mouth for five minutes, and we'll check the percentage."

As Volg held the thermometer in his mouth, trying to breath the cool air in constantly, Norris commented, "You know, General, that that instrument goes up to 120. It may not be reliable."

The General shook his head. "No, Water Elementals 120% water."

That doesn't even make sense. Volg thought as he removed the thermoter. He glanced at it. 98.6 degrees farenheit. Shit. He flipped it over, pointed to the celsius side. "Look general! I'm under twenty percent."

Grevados nodded. "Now I will test myself, to show you that I am trustworthy." He placed the thermometer in his mouth and waited, smoking a cigar, still. Norris looked at Volg, Volg looked at Norris. Neither spoke.

Grevados slowly removed the thermometer. He looked at it and screamed. "I have been infiltrated! I must removed the threat and dishonor by falling upon my sword!" he scrambled about for a sword. "Does anyone have a sword?"

Norris shrugged. "I've got a ball point pen."

"That will do!" The General tried to run himself through with a pen. He cried out, "Flee now, before it gets you, too!" he stabbed himself in the eye with the pen. "They got my eye!"

The others quickly fled the room, and Volg pulled down the shade. They stood outside the office, trying to ignore the squishing noises. "You wanna look?" Norris asked.


"You sure?"


Norris peeked in, looked sick. "I shouldn't have looked."

"What was he doing?"

"Trying to gouge his liver with a rank emblem."

"Good Lord."

Someone asked, "Should we stop him?"

The chorus answered, "No."
19-11-2003, 08:52
Volg opened the door, and found Grevados lying in a pool of his own blood, but not quite dead yet. The General coughed up blood, "I've driven it out of me... but it's taken a toll..." he pointed to the pool of blood. "Volg... I need you to finish the mission... destroy every aquifer in Kaukolastan! We must banish this water from our lands!" the General convulsed again. "Just give the order, Volg..."

Norris entered. "How is he?'

"He'll recover."

Norris nodded. "Right." he drew his pistol and shot Grevados in the head. "Damn water made me do it."

Volg shrugged, walked over to the desk, opened the drawer. He picked up a name tag that said "Vickers", and a Bird emblem, the Colonel Rank Insignia. He placed them back on, removed his tinfoil hat. He turned to the gathered troops. "General Grevados has died in battle. We mourn his passing as we end this destructive war. I call it a truce."

Norris thought for a second. "What about his body? He won't be buried in the Military Cemetary after this stunt!"

The newly reinstated Colonel Vickers shrugged. "Burial at sea, I guess."

-The End-

OOC: But you can still post, and I might, too! :wink:
Reploid Productions
19-11-2003, 20:45
((OOC: Kudos for a great parody thread! I damn near died laughing! :lol: ))
imported_The TRSN
19-11-2003, 23:07
OC: Thanks, Rep Prod.
19-11-2003, 23:42
19-11-2003, 23:43
DaKhiem announces plans for construction of Grevados Lighthouse

To honour the uncompromising attitiude and great self sacrifice that the republic so admires in the late General Grevados, DaKhiem has through Secretary Hotan declared its intention to build a great lighthouse in his memory.

It is to be situated, according to Hotan, in Hungnam District, an area on the east coast presently under Quinntonian administration. Secretary Hotan pledged that the monumental work would at once celebrate the liberation of Hungman (such being a historical inevitability) and "serve to remind us all of the dangers of water-born infiltration."

It is widely suspected that this attitude is indicative of Hotan's growing xenophobic paranoia, and that a fresh "great struggle" may be ahead for the revolution in routing out a new 'wave' of infiltration and corruption.
19-11-2003, 23:50
personally, I think this thread should be put in the archives... and then we'll teach the water a lesson it won't soon forget...
20-11-2003, 00:09
You do realize that you are quite, quite mad?

I'm not talking to the sea, either.

~ Ambassador Dejure
20-11-2003, 05:04
OOC: Thanks to all who enjoyed it. *bows* Since Grevados was so beloved in NS, I may borrow a Necromancer from a Fantasy nation and resurrect him at some point... meh, that would be too insane.
20-11-2003, 11:21
Somewhere in the nation of SteamEarth.............

"Well it appears that the nutter who declared a war on water is dead."

"Yes, it seems so."

"Should we removed that nuke hanging from that blimp over that volcano?"

"Nope, leave it till they either shoot it down or the airbag loses all its gas."

"I'll go and get a pin then."
20-11-2003, 11:44
OOC: Thanks to all who enjoyed it. *bows* Since Grevados was so beloved in NS, I may borrow a Necromancer from a Fantasy nation and resurrect him at some point... meh, that would be too insane.
OOC: Nothing's too insane, as long as it's fun.
IC: In honor of the great General Grevados, certain of my scientists have been ordered to construct a building where water will be constantly divided into its elements, thus continuing his noble fight. The resulting hydrogen will then be burned, forming an eternal flame in his memory.
-Kazar-Tiyon, slayer of the hero Jha'al-ze, ancient force of evil and destruction.
Buka Makalu
20-11-2003, 11:57
I'm too late :cry:
20-11-2003, 12:54
OOC: Thanks to all who enjoyed it. *bows* Since Grevados was so beloved in NS, I may borrow a Necromancer from a Fantasy nation and resurrect him at some point... meh, that would be too insane.
OOC: Nothing's too insane, as long as it's fun.
IC: In honor of the great General Grevados, certain of my scientists have been ordered to construct a building where water will be constantly divided into its elements, thus continuing his noble fight. The resulting hydrogen will then be burned, forming an eternal flame in his memory.
-Kazar-Tiyon, slayer of the hero Jha'al-ze, ancient force of evil and destruction.

OOC: Errm... You realize that burned hydrogen IS water?