NationStates Jolt Archive

The following Nationstate participants of the World Cup Committee Football Tournament "World Cup 9" signify by signing this petition that all players on their respective International Football sides will refrain from eating the players of the Hell Bovines International Football side, at least for the duration of the tournament.

Nothing in this petition prohibits players from thinking about a nice, juicy steak, or a plate of roast beef. Nor does this petition require players not to eat beef before the qualifying matches for World Cup 9 begin, or after the World Cup 9 tournament is itself over.

Vegetarians need not affix signatures to this petition.

Signed: For The Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 -
The Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages

:lol:

Having attended several international conferences with Hell Bovines, they are the non-human species we know best. We are confident that we will be able to resist the temptation to eat them.

Mau Kiri Rai
People's representative for territorial deffence & sports

We believe that all sentient species, bovine or otherwise, should be treated with the utmost respect at all times, both on the pitch and off. I know that I would personally be horrified at the thought of eating an intelligent creature such as a Hell Bovine, and I am quite certain the players of the Bedistani national team feel the same.

------------
Stephen Rogers
Bedistan Secretary of Sports and Games

Co-signed:
James Parker
Bedistan National Team Coach, World Cups 5 through 8

P.S. from Parker: I do not yet know at this time whether I shall stay on as coach for the upcoming World Cup 9. However, if I do, I will personally assure that nothing happens to any Hell Bovines we may play.

We will not eat you, untill after the cup :lol:

--post deleted--

While Commerce Heights law cannot prevent the consumption of other species, the current CH Bulldogs team has pledged not to eat any Hell Bovines, and any new players will be required to also make this pledge.

"Should Oglethorpia face Hell Bovines, I, on behalf of the whole World Cup squad pledge to not eat the cows of the Hell Bovines national team."

Ben Wright
Sporting Bureau

Signed,
Ben Wright - Sporting Director
Phillip Neuman - Fútbol Director

OOC: This has to be one of the funniest threads ever! :D
IC:
We thank all signatory nations and Snub Nose 38, for such goodwill and understanding.
Your civilized peoples have finally understood that the fact that someone is tasty or produces milk doesn't mean that it hasn't got feelings.
We hope more nations can sign this.
Wishing you a good riddance,

Mooo IV, Duque of the Hell Bovines

Ariddia having long ago become a vegetarian nation, it would make little sense for us to sign, but we full support this petition. :)

Kaze Progressa's Beef-Based Agriculture industry has confirmed it will not be involved in any way with this World Cup regardless of whether or not they co-host it, and the government has signed the petition.

Some rumours suggest that the industry may be hammered with extra taxation at the very least in the future.

Sweeper Garaz Zarli said he will sweep up any blood left by anybody violating the law.

The rejistanian team is forced to live vegetarian especially during competitions, because coach Imdila thinks this improves the results. For this reason, the hell bovines do not have to fear us.

Teke Daran, Chief of the Rejistania-FA

The zucchinis in the Giant Zucchini National Team will not eat any Bovines from Hell Bovines, regardless of origin.

:lol:

Having attended several international conferences with Hell Bovines, they are the non-human species we know best.

You sure? :lol:

The zucchinis in the Giant Zucchini National Team will not eat any Bovines from Hell Bovines, regardless of origin.

Suddenly, a thought occurs to the Minister of Flora, Fauna, and Fig Newtons. It takes her a moment to realize that it is a thought - the don't come often. The thought goes something like this -

"Why, Giant Zucchini is a vegetable! Maybe we need to start a petition not to eat them, as well."

From: Mau Kiri Rai, people's representative for territorial defence & sports
To: Mr. Hurr, coach of Giant Zucchini

Esteemed Mr Hurr,

It was careless of us not to pay attention when your team visited us in World Cup 5. We should have glanced across the field to see if you were humans as we had assumed, or were, in fact, giant zucchinis.

The second possibility fills us with apprehension. Perhaps we should not have organzed a zucchini cook-off at the stadium. Perhpas it was a tad insensitive of us to have equipped the fans with chopping board and zucchinis. Perhaps it was insulting of them to ahve chanted "chop, chop, chop" while they cut zucchinis and watched your team play.

It occurs to us that if your people are indeed giant zucchinis and this not merely a metaphor, that these actions may not have been entirly diplomatic. Perhaps we have made a stir-fry of our relations with your honourable country. In our defence, all we can say is that when our diploamts first met Grand Duke Mooo, wreathed ina cloud of cigar smoke, they were unaware that he was non-human until he annoucned that he was in fact a bloody great cow walking on his hind legs. And an uncommonly bright and friendly one, i might add. We'd assumed your people were humans. To clarify, i should add that all Tananh Burung citizens are human. Despite the fact that our name means "land of birds," we are not birds. Nor, for that matter, are we crocodiles.

If so, we must apologize. As far as i can determine, we have not eaten any of your citizens. If we have, i can only apologize most profusely. Being eaten is a terrible thing. Actually, we recently had several of our people eaten by giant mutated tarantulas, so we can sympathize. It's a dog-eat-dog, man-eat-cow, tarantula-eat-man world out there. We'd like to begin to change that.

If your people are, in point of fact, giant zucchinis, i have issued orders that the consumption of sentient vegetables shall henceforth be prohibited within our country, and the definition of "human" in our human rights legislation has been amended to include not only enormous talking cows, but also vegetables educated to a level of grade five & beyond.

Again, Hell Bovines thanks all signatory nations and I also personally thank Mau Kiri Rai for thinking me to be friendly and bright. We ourselves consider Tanah Burungians to be very noble and intelligent too.
Also, I wish to take this opportunity to state that, in retribution to Giant Zuchinni's promise of not eating us, we also promise, as vegetarians, not to eat any Giant Zuchinni or any other sentient living being, whether it is vegetable, animal or mineral.
We hope that WC9 turns into a success. Best wishes,

Mooo IV, Duque of Hell Bovines

we agree that the hell bovineth are exthtremely intelligent and that thith nation will not prtithipate in the math eating of hell bovineth
Thankyou people (said with a camp wave)

The Borderlands of Spaam and East Spaam can easily promise not to eat any sentient beings, and especially Hell Bovines. Since it is a crime punishable by death to do so in our nations, you can have faith in our promise.

Fin DeCáno
President of Spaam

Following the announcement that the nation of Hell Bovine has decided to participate in the World Cup, a national law was immediately set to restrict the consumption of a Hell Bovine citizen (and their by-products, which include Hell Bovinian leather).

The following is an excerpt of the passed law:

Paragraph 812 of Act 221 for the Rights to Consumption of Animal/Human/Plant Species clearly states that:

The following species cannot be consumed due to the following reasons stated:

Lemmitanians (Man-Like Forms with Degree of Intelligence)
Evisceratomatoes (Potential Danger/Terrorism Use)
Hell Bovines (Animal Forms with Degree of Intelligence)
Giant Zucchinis (Plant Forms with Degree of Intelligence)
Spaamians (Canned Meat with Degree of Intelligence)

Also, in a recent spout of events regarding the fact that the Zucchinis are zucchinis, the law was quick to amend the situation as stated above as well as an update regarding the various friendly races of the world.

The citizens of Hell Bovines can now be safely assured that none of them will be eaten alive or dead and your citizens can safely play on the football pitch and also travel to One Red Dot.

Daniel Alvamas, President of One Red Dot.
Borich Natodrid, Prime Minister of One Red Dot.
Alvin Ker, Head Coach of the One Red Dot National Team and President of One Red Dot Sports Council.
Jonathan Shih, President of One Red Dot Food and Beverages Association

Dear President Alvamas,

Recent events have left us somewhat confused as to the exact species of several other states. For our peace of mind, could you please confirm that your people are humans and not (as we fear may be the case) sentient red dots?

Mau Kiri Rai
People's representative for territorial defence, sports, and ascertaining the speciies of other World Cup nations

The Minister of the Interior and Exterior of the Borderlands of Snub Nose 38, having read the message from the Government of Tanah Burung to the Government of One Red Dot requesting confirmation that the citizens of One Red Dot are, in fact, human, and not sentient red dots, wishes to expand on this question. Below are listed some participating nations of World Cup 8. The Government of Snub Nose 38 would like to confirm that the citizens of the nations listed are human – or humanoid. Or, are the citizens of these nations perhaps what is listed next to each in parenthesis? Or...well...

Name
Spaam (sentient canned meats?)
Runaway Moose (sentient Moose?)
Halfassedstates (sentient asses?)
Busby (sentient buses?)
Quohog (sentient clams?)
Ravenspire (sentient birds?)
LordSquall (sentient nautical storms?)
Gilmeecia (anyone’s guess)
Bullonien (another state of sentient bovines?)
Australian Marsupials (sentient um...kangaroos? wombats? etc?)
BlackEagle Corporation (sentient birds?)
Chronos Prime (sentient time pieces?)
Coffee Cup (sentient table ware?)
Consumer Engineering (sentient consumers? – this one is hardly believable)
Hellfish (sentient fish?)
Ineptia (we are too confused to figure this one out)
Male 18 (sentient males? – before anyone speaks, we already take offense)
Parthenon (sentient buildings in classical greek architecture?)
The Dragonian Empire (sentient dragons?)

Wildthing's Realm also agree to sign this petition to not eat the Hell Bovines. We are a peaceful people, and to eat any of the members of the Hell Bovines WC squad or delegation would be in poor diplomatic taste.

I would like to confirm that the citizens of Spaam and East Spaam are humans/humanoids, and not in fact sentient canned processed meat products, as usually assumed.

The government of Halfassedstates sign this petition and thereby agree not to eat the Hell Bovine players in WC9

Signed
King Jimmy.

NB no promises are made for the well being of the fans of said nation, especially if they beat us!!!


---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Offical memo to the Minister of the Interior and Exterior of the Borderlands of Snub Nose 38

In response to your query regarding the populace of the Commonwealth of Halfassedstates, we can confirm that the population is indeed made up of humanoids and not some kind of sentient donkey!

Regards,
P.Leb
Minister without portfolio.

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the Oppressed Peoples of Gilmeecia.

President Louis Gilsterson: My fellow Gilmeecians, home and away press monkeys, I'd like to take this opportunity to address a matter of grave national concern. It seems that the thoughtless, assholic actions of a certain Rose Krantzengil and Moe Guildenstern have flushed this country's foreign relations down the metaphorical crapper. I find the image of Gilmeecia in the foreign press to be, frankly, repugnant. And I think we all know exactly whose fault that is.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Krantzengil and Guildenstern are dead. I don't mean that metaphorically. When I said it the first time, I was just pissed. But now I'm seriously planning to have the two of them whacked. Not until after the tournament, of course. I mean, the Kickfooters-- soon to be renamed the Kickassers-- just qualified for their first World Cup. And I couldn't be more tickled, as every right-thinking person knows. So I'm not going to screw the team's chances by killing half the starting defense over a stupid international incident.

But, yeah, when the tournament ends and we don't need 'em anymore, I'm gonna have Rose and Moe shot. Up against the wall with 'em, I say. And then I'll probably offer their heads to Ron Goldenspot as a token of apology. That seems like a nice thing to do, right?

Now, as far as this petition that the Sentient Handguns started circulating regarding not eating Hell Bovines during the next cup: I swear on my cousin Moola's grave, no member of the Gilmeecia Kickassers football club will in any way eat, devour, milk, taste, or other otherwise ingest any Hell Bovine football player, or any product produced by their freaky cow bodies. They will also not skin any of 'em and make leather of their supple hide. Nossir, that stuff is definitely out.

They way I see it, is this: Hell Bovines is a pretty big nation, right? Probably hundreds of millions of these cow-freaks running around, minotaur-style, on their hind legs, talking and playing football. And they've probably got an army. Well, Gilmeecia's got an army too. Fifteen thousand-strong. We're a tiny country. Everybody knows that. Well, I mean, everybody except the Population Reportage Committee of the United Nations, which still seems to be buying the malarkey Ned sends 'em about how many people are supposedly packed into our 1600 square kilometers.

My point is, there's probably ten times as many soldiers in the Hell Bovine army as there are people in the nation of Gilmeecia. Hell, they could probably produce 1600 square kilometers of cowflops in a couple days. Now, I don't know about you, but I would not want to be buried in cowshit. They fly a couple bombers over us and, wham, the whole country stinks to heaven. Hell, you think Gilmeecia's got problems now, just imagine what it'd be like with six inches of manure coating every damn thing.

Speaking of which, do they have flush toilets in Hell Bovine, or do they just crap wherever they are like regular cows? Anybody? Nobody knows?

Well, anyhow, that was what I wanted to say. Gilmeecia's on board with this not-eating-the-Hell-Bovines thing, 100%. Even though it was a couple of Gilmeecian morons who started the whole thing. And I hope that knowing Rose and Moe will soon be dead makes Ron Goldenspot feel a whole lot better.

Thank you. No questions.

Following the announcement that the nation of Hell Bovine has decided to participate in the World Cup, a national law was immediately set to restrict the consumption of a Hell Bovine citizen (and their by-products, which include Hell Bovinian leather).

The following is an excerpt of the passed law:

Paragraph 812 of Act 221 for the Rights to Consumption of Animal/Human/Plant Species clearly states that:

The following species cannot be consumed due to the following reasons stated:

Lemmitanians (Man-Like Forms with Degree of Intelligence)
Evisceratomatoes (Potential Danger/Terrorism Use)
Hell Bovines (Animal Forms with Degree of Intelligence)
Giant Zucchinis (Plant Forms with Degree of Intelligence)

The list goes on but we shall restrict the list to a small amount.

Anyway, the citizens of Hell Bovines and all other non-humanoid races can now be safely assured that none of them will be eaten alive or dead and your citizens can safely play on the football pitch and also travel to One Red Dot.

With references to the inquiries of the nature of the citizens of One Red Dot, you can be assured that they are 100% human (homo sapiens) of European, Japanese or Chinese origin including other various races not mentioned as those races were not the founding fathers of The Free Land of One Red Dot.

Daniel Alvamas, President of One Red Dot.
Borich Natodrid, Prime Minister of One Red Dot.
Alvin Ker, Head Coach of the One Red Dot National Team and President of One Red Dot Sports Council.
Jonathan Shih, President of One Red Dot Food and Beverages Association

Disclaimer: The above is not meant for racial discrimination of any kind, whether European, Afro-American, Chinese, Japanese, Bovine or Zucchini. I will not tolerate racial discrimination of any kind, whether in NS or in the real world.

Disclaimer: The above disclaimer should not be used to start a thread/discussion about racism.

The Rogue Nation of Runaway Moose will back no players who refuse to sign an anti-devouring pledge regarding any and all players in international sport. All players, tasty or not, will be treated with equal respect both on and off the field. (National darling MOZ was the first to sign this pledge!)

Signed
Niffiner Moosekopf
Rogue in Chief

Co-signed
S. Berkett
Alces Rex Head Coach

Regarding the species of our people... we are pretty much human... we just have a tendency to grow antlers... though usually during the off season, so worry not.

To President Louis Gilsterson, from The Opressed Peoples of Gilmeecia:

First of all we would like to thank you and your nation for signning this petition. This act shows that you are very civilized people and we hope that the friendship between our nations strenghtens in the future.
We also state that it we don't think that Rose Krantzengil and Moe Guildenstern should be punished with death. We think they should be punished, but not with death. Anyway, we respect your decision if you want to have them shot.
Regarding your suppocisions about our culture, we encourage you not to fall into sterotyping. We are very friendly and civilized people and so, we don't have a big army. Also, we want to clarify that we DO use flush toilets in Hell Bovines and our customs are not much different to those of humans.
Having say all this, I personally wish you good luck for you and your great nation. Best wishes,

Mooo IV, Democratically elected Duque of The Grand Duchy Of Hell Bovines


Also, I would like to use this oportunity to thank again all nations that signed this petition and promised not to eating us. It is great to find that there are so many civilized nations in the world.

~this needs to be archived~