NationStates Jolt Archive

(It's very strange, i can only log in as a puppet)

DAILY CROCODILE

Wim van Esterik's red card may spell the end of the road for Tanah Burung. "I just couldn't help myself," he said. "When that Keyshona player said there was no such place as Alasdair I Frosticus, i lost it and had to kick him." With the midfielder off, the Crocodiles fell to a disastrous 3-2 defeat to Keyshona. Both Tanah Burung goals were scored by David Cavaco.

The extinction of AIF has led to widespread demoralization in the Crocodiles camp, and with each loss more adherents are flocking to the Church of the Poles of Energy. "With the fall of the Dreamed Realm Beyond, Evil has been loosed upon the land. Not Pure Evil, but evil nevertheless," said Mau Cult, leader of the church. "It's no wonder that the football team can't win. We'll need to find a new source of positive energy."

With three matches remaining, it looks like the Group 7 qualifiers will be Jacktazea (now at 14 points) and The Belmore Family (now on 13 points). Tanah Burung is well back with 9 points and Keyshona has 8.

The Crocodiles have responded by sacking coach Ab Francisco. Former coach Guntur Ruak will return for the rest of qualifiers, as the Giant Evil Spider Football league is on a short hiatus.

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Nikea Avenges Loss
Defeats Defari in Key Rematch
by Markenin Markenel

STRAEDIAS(NP) - Nikean pubs were loud and cheerful this evening as football fans around the country celebrated the team's 2-1 victory over Defari, and more importantly, coming closer to clinching a spot in the World Cup group stage.

The day today was overcast, and those who believe in superstition were no doubt worried by this weather. When the skies opened up a mere 4 hours before kickoff time, those people must have been frantic in thinking that the day would not go well for their national side. The torrent of rain continued for the next three hours, keeping the players indoors as they could not head outside to check on the field conditions or simply warm up. 45 minutes before scheduled kickoff time, however, saw the end of the rain, and the sun peaked out from behind the clouds. The Nikean superstitious breathed a sigh of relief.

The seats began to fill up quickly as the fans who were lucky enough to get a ticket for today's match began to leave the comfortable atmosphere of one of Straedias' fine pubs and headed to Markeno Bridge to catch the action. Team mascot Perin the Panda kept the fans entertained with a series of wacky stunts, until the teams came out from the tunnel to a loud uproar from the 55 000 strong at the Bridge.

The mood was as blue as Nikea's dark blue uniforms early as it was the visitors who opened the scoring. A controversial foul called on Aleksei Strekiov, who, in the previous match with Australian Marsupials made a fabulous defensive stop early, made what was in the referee's opinion, a wild tackle. Despite the protests of the Nikean players that the player embellished the fall, and the jeers and boos from the fans, the man in charge pointed to the spot, and the Defari player made no mistake. Jeserin Renteritel guessed the wrong way, and the visitors led early.

It was a chippy game at the best of times. Three Nikean players and two Defari players received yellow cards in the first half alone, Strekiov among them for his wild tackle. Kellin Kerstel had to be substituted in the 33rd minute after his attempt at a header met not the ball, but the Defari keeper's fist as he attempted to punch the ball away. Kalainin Mersentel replaced him at far right midfield, and he made himself known throughout the game, providing great speed on the far right side.

Nikea did not strike until the second half. Mersentel, who had been a workhorse on the right side for the Pandas all afternoon, took the ball deep into Defari territory, where his cross was met by the boot of Merin Kerestitel. The ball sailed off his foot into the net, and the Straedias crowd erupted with the goal. 1-1.

The game went back and forth, and the chippy play ensued. A Defari midfielder made a reckless attempt to take the ball, which ended up knocking the wind out of Nikean captain Keresin Keresiuene. He earned his second yellow card for his efforts, and was shown the red for his second offence. The Straedias crowd held their collective breath as Keresiuene was taken to the sideline, but he soon rejoined the play, to the relief of the crowd, and Nikean manager Resterin Terestel on the sidelines.

The game remain tied past the 80 minute mark, and many believed that Nikea would only take a point from this match. Fans, seeing the other scores from group 9 on the large screen, saw that Dennisov had been surprised by the Dragonian Empire, and this encouraged the urging of the crowd for the Pandas to strike another mark. The 84th minute saw Jerin Istertel take the ball down the left side, only to end his one-man effort with a well-placed shot under the keeper, which just hit the inside of the far right post, deflecting into the net. The Nikean players mobbed the 24 year old striker, and had the Straedias fans, who would normally be disgusted by a goal from an SF Queldas striker, in euphoria in the stands. All 55 000 strong remained standing until the final whistle 9 minutes later. Nikea had avenged their previous loss to Defari with a 2-1 victory.

The team was ecstatic following the match. "That was the best match of the qualifying round for us," goal-scorer and hero Jerin Istertel remarked after the match. "We suffered a bit once Kellin (Kerstel) was taken out of the game, but Kalainin (Mersentel) played tremendously for us, and we were able to take the victory."

Terestel was also pleased. "Excellent match," he said. "We only have to be careful that we don't lose focus on our next match, which will be a big one."

And what of Kerstel's injury? "I was knocked unconscious for a few seconds there," Kerstel said following the match. "I felt fine afterwards, but Manager Terestel thought that it was best I rest up, and I had no complaints since Kalainin deserved his chance."

The Pandas have three matches remaining, and hold a 6 point lead over Australian Marsupials, who defeated Gesamtkuntswerk 3-0 today. Dennisov still leads the group despite their 2-1 loss to Dennisov. Gesamtkuntswerk, Defari, and The Dragonian Empire all have seven points, and are all but eliminated from qualifying, unless one team wins all three of their remaining matches and Nikea loses all three.

The Pandas host Gesamtkuntswerk in Interiu in the next match, which will be a big match for both sides. A loss or a draw would eliminate Gesamtkuntswerk from qualifying. A Nikean win or draw, coupled by an Australian Marsupials loss, would put Nikea into the World Cup for the first time in history.

[code:1:33ac5c52be]
Nikea 2 (Kerestitel 51, Istertel 84)
v.
Defari 1 (<player> 12 PK)
[/code:1:33ac5c52be]

Match Summary:
Nikea (71) v. Australian Marsupials (127) W 2-1
Defari v. Nikea (71) L 1-2
Gesamtkuntswerk (38] v. Nikea (71) W 3-1
Nikea (71) v. Dennisov (18] L 0-2
Nikea (71) v. The Dragonian Empire W 2-0
Australian Marsupials (127) v. Nikea (71) W 2-1
Nikea (71) v. Defari W 2-1
Nikea (71) v. Gesamtkuntswerk (38]
Dennisov (18] v. Nikea (71)
The Dragonian Empire v. Nikea (71)

Bother, my first loss. I still ought to qualify though.

But if I don't, I won't sack my coach. I'll EXECUTE him.

Still Undefeated
Ravens Face Stiff Competition in Final Matches

Ravenspire's national football team continues undefeated, racking up a second 3-0 victory against Memeplex in a near-repeat of their previous match, including the scoring of two initial goals by foxgirl Kaede Kitsuki. On approaching for the third, in hopes of completing a second hat trick, however, a vicious foul on the part of the Memeplex defenders sidelined the popular striker. Her fiancee Amara Akizuki converted the penalty for the final goal, but with anger continuing to run high among the fans, the Memeplex side were escorted from the stadium by security after the match's end.

With Kaede out of the following match, along with Amara, who opted to stay by her side, the Ravens found themselves facing unexpectedly strong opposition from Alhana Catherine, who they had previously dealt a 3-1 defeat. This time, the weakened Ravenspire offense, combined with a stronger defensive effort from the Catherines, prevented the crimson and black from scoring any goals. Fortunately, Ravenspire's own defense remained as strong as ever, resulting in a scoreless draw.

In conjunction with Dark Outcasts and Bullonien wins, the top three in group ten are separated by only one point each, meaning that the upcoming matches against those sides may prove crucial to Ravenspire's chances. The Ravens are set to face Bullonien in the near future, followed by Anti-Nazis, and then what may prove the deciding match against Dark Outcasts. There is no word yet as to whether Kaede will play against Bullonien.

Goals:
vs. Memeplex: Kaede Kitsuki (18, 55), Amara Akizuki (75)
vs. Alhana Catherine: none

[The WC8 logo appears onscreen and quickly fades out, revealing a standard television news studio. Two men are sitting behind a desk.]

Sam: Good evening, and welcome to BSTV's World Cup 8 Pre-Game Show Number 1. I'm Sam Murphy.

Joey: Glad to be here, Sam. I'm Joey Stanton. So, how are the qualifiers going right now?

Sam: Well, that's what we're here to answer.

Joey: Oh, right.

Sam: Yes indeed, we're going to try our darndest to tell you who's hot and who's not this year. Let's start from the top -- Group One.

Joey: Well, Group One contains the top team in the world. Or maybe I should say former top team, because Errinundera is not doing well here at all.

Sam: Well, actually, it doesn't look quite as bad for them after matchday 7. With their 3-1 win over Coffee Cup, as well as losses for both Pavesia and Runaway Moose, the longfoots are back in the running, although they're still in third place.

[OOC: I'm not sure what happened with tonight's tables, so I'm doing those as I go tonight. After I finish this post, I'll post them all together in the scores thread.]

[code:1:1c71871d99]Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
Pavesia (39) 7 4 2 1 13 9 +4 14
Runaway Moose (4) 7 4 1 2 11 5 +6 13
Errinundera (1) 7 3 2 2 14 9 +5 11
Mezitzia (72) 7 2 2 3 5 8 -3 8
Coffee Cup 7 2 1 4 6 12 -6 7
Endray-Island 7 2 0 5 11 17 -6 6[/code:1:1c71871d99]

Joey: And I see Runaway Moose is living up to their usual reputation there, showing why they're ranked 4th in the world. But nobody's in, and nobody's out either. However, Coffee Cup and Endray-Island will need to win all three remaining games to have a chance at qualifying.

Sam: Next up, Group 2.

Joey: Not surprisingly, Svecia and Halfassedstates are dominating the group, although Simba Polo are very much in contention. LordSquall has to win all three remaining games to have a chance, and Jekonuam and Bardai are out.

[code:1:1c71871d99]Group 2 P W D L F A GD Pts
Svecia (2) 7 6 1 0 20 8 +12 19
Halfassedstates (8) 7 4 2 1 18 8 +10 14
Simba Polo 7 3 2 2 7 8 -1 11
LordSquall (42) 7 1 3 3 12 13 -1 6
Jekonuam 7 0 3 4 6 14 -8 3
Bardai (80) 7 0 3 4 6 18 -12 3[/code:1:1c71871d99]

Sam: Snub Nose 38 has done quite well in Group 3, and they sit astride the #1 position with 16 points. It's still anyone's group, though, with only Male 18 eliminated at this point.

[code:1:1c71871d99]Group 3 P W D L F A GD Pts
Snub Nose 38 (10) 7 5 1 1 13 6 +7 16
Giant Zucchini (21) 7 4 1 2 9 6 +3 13
West Ariddia (57) 7 3 1 3 14 14 0 10
WNA 7 3 1 3 9 11 -2 10
Eauz (85) 7 3 0 4 12 13 -1 9
Male 18 7 1 0 6 9 16 -7 3[/code:1:1c71871d99]

Joey: With their latest win, Quohog jumps up from third place in Group 4 to the top of the group, sliding past the BlackEagle Corporation on goal difference. Audioslavia's in third, but they're definitely not far behind. Demonic Beings also have a real chance. New teams Voyger and Sycoes are on the bubble, though not fully out yet.

[code:1:1c71871d99]Group 4 P W D L F A GD Pts
Quohog (26) 7 4 1 2 11 8 +3 13
BlackEagle Corp. 7 4 1 2 11 11 0 13
Audioslavia (13) 7 3 3 1 11 5 +6 12
Demonic Beings (47) 7 3 1 3 11 8 +3 10
Voyger 7 3 0 4 10 15 -5 6
Sycoes 7 1 2 4 8 15 -7 5[/code:1:1c71871d99]

Sam: Group 5 gives us our first assured World Cup berth. With 19 points, Squornshelous can't drop below second in three games, so they are in. Europa Brittania looks to have an easy road to the second spot, though the denizens of the recently vanished Dreamed Realm Beyond still have a chance. Agnosticium is out.

[code:1:1c71871d99]Group 5 P W D L F A GD Pts
Squornshelous (12) 7 6 1 0 18 7 +11 19
Europa Britannia (31) 7 4 2 1 11 7 +4 14
Alasdair I Frosticus (60) 7 3 0 4 13 13 0 9
Ineptia 7 2 1 4 11 15 -4 7
Rave Shentavo (103) 7 1 3 3 12 15 -3 6
Agnosticium 7 1 1 5 12 20 -8 4[/code:1:1c71871d99]

Joey: Oddslavo is having a fine run in Group 6, and they are all but in right now. They only way they couldn't make it would require some immensely bad luck, and I don't look for that to happen, so they're in as far as I'm concerned. One Red Dot will most likely take second, but Dead Man does have a chance to rise from the grave. The Weegies are longshots, and Oglethorpia's 1901 side is effectively gone. Also, time has run out for Chronos Prime.

[code:1:1c71871d99]Group 6 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oddslavo (35) 7 6 1 0 18 6 +12 19
One Red Dot (16) 7 5 0 2 14 9 +5 15
Dead Man (107) 7 3 1 3 14 14 0 10
The Weegies (68) 7 2 2 3 10 12 -2 8
1900s Oglethorpia 7 2 0 5 13 19 -6 6
Chronos Prime 7 1 0 6 6 15 -9 3[/code:1:1c71871d99]

Sam: Next up, Group 7. Tanah Burung has had a horrible time in the qualifiers, bad enough that coach Ab Francisco has been fired. That's what, three in a row? Man, I sure wouldn't want to coach the Crocodiles given that kind of record. They're still in competition, but it looks like Jacktazea and the Belmore Family will go through. Nobody's out yet in this group.

[code:1:1c71871d99]Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts
Jacktazea (50) 7 4 2 1 14 7 +7 14
The Belmore Family (15) 7 3 4 0 9 5 +4 13
Tanah Burung (27) 7 2 3 2 11 10 +1 9
Keyshona 7 2 2 3 9 14 -5 8
Zinkoland 7 1 3 3 10 11 -1 6
Jadonopolos 7 1 2 4 7 13 -6 5[/code:1:1c71871d99]

Joey: And now we must break for a few commercials. We'll be back with groups 8-15 in a few.

[cue commercials]

Sam: So, Joey, what's Group 8 looking like?

Joey: Without a doubt, the surprise here is Total n Utter Insanity. They've been plagued by a large number of draws so far, giving them a record of 2-4-1. Because of that, they're in fourth place in the group. Luckily, second and third are just one point away. A single win might be all TnUI needs to get back into this.

[code:1:372124651f]Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
Timway (31) 7 5 1 1 19 10 +9 16
Antaeus Rising (53) 7 3 2 2 15 10 +5 11
Neolithica 7 3 2 2 9 14 -5 11
Total n Utter Insanity (19) 7 2 4 1 12 10 +2 10
New Pavesia 7 0 4 3 8 13 -5 4
Northern Kings (108) 7 0 3 4 7 13 -6 3[/code:1:372124651f]

Sam: Not too many surprises in Group 9. Gesamtkuntswerk should probably be doing just a tad better, but I wouldn't be at all sorry to see the Nikeans go through. WC4 champions Dennisov, still ranked in the top twenty in the world, top the group.

[code:1:372124651f]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Dennisov (18) 7 5 1 1 16 6 +10 16
Nikea (71) 7 5 0 2 12 8 +4 15
Australian Marsupials (127) 7 3 0 4 12 11 +1 9
Gesamtkuntswerk (38) 7 2 1 4 9 13 -4 7
Defari 7 2 1 4 10 15 -5 7
The Dragonian Empire 7 2 1 4 8 14 -6 7[/code:1:372124651f]

Joey: Group 10 has distinctively divided the performing teams from the not-so-well-performing teams. Anti-Nazis, Alhana Catherine, and Memeplex are all officially out, with Ravenspire, Dark Outcasts, and Bullonien all close together trying to get those two spots. This one will probably go down to the wire.

[code:1:372124651f]Group 10 P W D L F A GD Pts
Ravenspire (29) 7 5 2 0 13 3 +10 17
Dark Outcasts (11) 7 5 1 1 20 10 +10 16
Bullonien (65) 7 5 0 2 14 9 +5 15
Anti-Nazis 7 2 0 5 8 12 -4 6
Alhana Catherine (87) 7 1 1 5 12 16 -4 4
Memeplex 7 1 0 6 5 22 -17 3[/code:1:372124651f]

Sam: Group 11 really isn't all the interesting, quite frankly. The Lowland Clans look like they will go through, with God Squad and Busby fighting for second. Nobody's out yet.

[code:1:372124651f]Group 11 P W D L F A GD Pts
The Lowland Clans (34) 7 5 2 0 16 6 +10 17
God Squad (62) 7 4 1 2 11 6 +5 13
Busby (14) 7 3 2 2 12 10 +2 11
Slops Pit 7 2 1 4 11 16 -5 7
Hellfish 7 1 2 4 9 13 -4 5
Parthenon 7 1 2 4 6 14 -8 5[/code:1:372124651f]

Joey: I'd have to say the Commerce Heights team has learned a lot from their neighbors. Bedistan is, of course, ranked fifth in the world, and our fortune appears to be rubbing off. CH and Kingsford look like shoe-ins in Group 12, while Warnocks Wizards and East Spaam are both out.

[code:1:372124651f]Group 12 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (54) 7 5 2 0 13 5 +8 17
Kingsford (30) 7 5 1 1 11 4 +7 16
Akbarland (17) 7 3 2 2 8 10 -2 11
Nadaskor 7 2 1 4 10 11 -1 7
Warnocks Wizards 7 1 1 5 6 12 -6 4
East Spaam 7 0 3 4 4 10 -6 3[/code:1:372124651f]

Sam: Only two teams have officially qualified as of this point. We mentioned Squornshelous earlier, and the other qualifier resides in Group 13. The Lemmitania Lemmings, with 18 points, have secured their spot. Ariddia has practically done the same -- they're in second with 16 points, eight points ahead of third-place Sazland. N S A and Zeronia are out.

[code:1:372124651f]Group 13 P W D L F A GD Pts
Lemmitania (20) 7 6 0 1 17 3 +14 18
Ariddia (6) 7 5 1 1 17 10 +7 16
Sazland (67) 7 2 2 3 7 9 -2 8
Kaze Progressa (82) 7 1 4 2 7 10 -3 7
N S A 7 2 0 5 9 15 -6 6
Zeronia 7 1 1 5 8 18 -10 4[/code:1:372124651f]

Joey: The story of Group 14 is Consumer Engineering. They are the only team that has failed to gain a point so far in qualifying, with a 0-0-7 record. Needless to say, they are out of the qualifying race, which is led by Liverpool England and Gilmeecia.

[code:1:372124651f]Group 14 P W D L F A GD Pts
Liverpool England (28) 7 6 0 1 12 6 +6 18
Gilmeecia (46) 7 5 0 2 15 11 +4 15
Pure Evil (9) 7 3 2 2 10 9 +1 11
Yentrofinova 7 3 1 3 8 8 0 10
Hell Bovines 7 2 1 4 8 9 -1 7
Consumer Engineering 7 0 0 7 4 14 -10 0[/code:1:372124651f]

Sam: And finally, we have Group 15. Aquilla incurred their first qualifying loss today to Jangle Jangle Ridge, which might help Spaam and Sliponia catch up with them. Carasek is eliminated, but anyone else could potentially snag a spot.

[code:1:372124651f]Group 15 P W D L F A GD Pts
Aquilla (45) 7 4 2 1 16 9 +7 14
Spaam (3) 7 4 1 2 14 9 +5 13
Sliponia (74) 7 3 3 1 12 8 +4 12
Haraki (22) 7 2 3 2 11 11 0 9
Jangle Jangle Ridge 7 2 1 4 10 15 -5 7
Carasek 7 0 2 5 9 20 -11 2[/code:1:372124651f]

Joey: And that's it for our little rundown. We'll be back later with more end-of-qualifying action. Till then, I'm Joey Stanton for Sam Murphy and all the folks here at BSTV, saying adios, amigos.

[camera fades]

Let's now go through the mathematical chances of qualification for each group, we start with Group One, and our expert, Tyler McSweeney. Tyler?

TMS: All right. Group One.
All the teams can still qualify. A single Runaway Moose win would put Endray-Island out of contention. Coffee Cup need to win all their games - unlikely to happen - to qualify. It is pretty much evens between the top three teams at the moment.
Group 2.
Svecia have almost qualfied for WC8, a single Halfassedstates win would put LordSquall out. Simba Polo still stand an easy chance of getting by Halfassedstates.
Group 3.
Probably the most open group besides Group 7, no one has qualified yet - Eauz still can qualify. A Snub Nose win would mean Eauz can at most secure a second placed Finish.
Group 4.
Free for all between the top four..... No one can qualify within their next match.
Group 5
Squornshwlous have qualfied for WC8, and anyone else except Agnosticum can proceed. I believe Rave Shentavo and Ineptia are both out too, though. Two Europa Brittania wins out of three will seal their spot in WC8.
Group 6.
Oddslavo have effectively qualified - if Dead Man win all remaining games and Oddslavo lose all remaining games, Oddslavo would still have a better goal difference. One Red Dot need a win and a draw to seal the group.
Group 7.
Anyone can go through - their bad run will see that Tanah Brurng will probably not go through.

Tyler:
Before I continue I'd like to welcome in my fellow expert and common LESports News Network presenter, Josh Hinar, who will do Groups 9, 13 and 15.
Group Eight.
New Pavesia and Northern Kings are out, Total n utter Insanity can still qualify. A Timway win would put them through, but the second, third and fourth placed teams need to win all three matches for any hope of qualifying.

Josh, Group Nine.

Josh:
Yes, in Grourp Nine we see fellow Heartlanders Dennisov in the lead - a win will confirm their qualification. A win for Nikea would also see them through. Tyler?
Tyler: You said a win for Nikea would see them through - is that correct?
Josh: As far as I know.... Australian Marsupials' Goal Difference is too low.

Tyler:
Right. Group Ten.
Hardest to call - bottom three are eliminated, top three seperated by two points. Will go down to Matchday Ten.
Group Eleven.
Lowland Clans will go through with a win, 20 points can only be matched by Busby and God Squad (who can score more), and Busby have a weaker Goal Difference.
In Group Twelve, Warnocks Wizards and East Spaam are both out. Similarly to Group 11, Commerce Heights need just a win, and Kingsford a win and a draw, to seal this group. Josh, your insights on Group 14?

Josh: You mean Group Thirteen!

Tyler: I'm very f---ing sure we're at Group 14...

Josh: So, Group thirteen. Lemmitania have gone through, and Arridia can go through with a draw.

Tyler: Oh right, sorry Josh, (mutters under breath) fucking Josh! let's see Group 14. Liverpool England are in here, let's see the table.
[code:1:bbc0c1c3fb]
Group 14 P W D L F A GD Pts
Liverpool England (28) 7 6 0 1 12 6 +6 18
Gilmeecia (46) 7 5 0 2 15 11 +4 15
Pure Evil (9) 7 3 2 2 10 9 +1 11
Yentrofinova 7 3 1 3 8 8 0 10
Hell Bovines 7 2 1 4 8 9 -1 7
Consumer Engineering 7 0 0 7 4 14 -10 0
[/code:1:bbc0c1c3fb]
Consumer Engineering are out. Liverpool England will go through with a win, while Gilmeecia need two wins to qualify.

And finally, Josh, please assess Group 15.

JH: Yes, Group 15. Carasek out, Aquilla can make sure Jangle Jangle Ridge are out if both they and Spaam win their next match. The top four all can still qualify after that.

From the Daily Kangaroo:

SUICIDAL
(NO NOT THE LEMMINGS, OUR STRIKERS)

Kaze Progressa wasted their chance at a famous victory in Lemmitania with some shocking finishing.

The shock absence, through injury, of Faiwe Irafma led manager Chares Catrar to field an unfamiliar front two of Fayu Owa - who prefers attacking midfield and is a notoriously 'hot and cold' player - and teenage semi-prodigy Vav Cawyy. The side, surprisingly, created chances from the outset, the midfield knowing that draws have been the side's bugbear with four of them in six qualifying games, and in the second minute Cawyy was presented with a good chance from ten yards, only to smack it at the top corner with overconfidence. The shot was too much 'corner' and not 'top' enough in terms of quality, sailing just wide of the crossbar.
Owa missed a similar chance ten minutes later.

Helen Mellon had the first good Lemmitania chance on 22 minutes, beating Jaff easily before having much more trouble with a well-placed Palera, who easily held the ball.

Mellon was denied several times by Palera in the first half but Kaze Progressa should have taken the lead when Owa's razor-sharp pass left Cawwy free with only the goalkeeper to beat from ten yards. Amazingly, he scuffed his shot straight at Joe Lally. Chants from the home fans of 'Is this your future?' filled the stadium.

The second half started dull, with Kaze Progressa seemingly scared to attack for fear of humiliation. Lemmitania could not take full advantage though, until Mellon was replaced by Link Lemletter on 65 minutes. He immediately hit the crossbar from a header and forced Palera into saving with his feet in a one-on-one situation.

In the 71st minute, Owa's fierce shot smacked off the body of defender Glen Lembobba, and the unpredictable deflection fell straight to captain Lana Maelstrom, who in turn beat Garaz Zarli and Jaff before a perfect cross barely touched the head of Lemletter on its way past Palera.

The Lemmings were duly inspired, and doubled their advantage five minutes later. Lemmy Meisterbrou - known as 'Atom' - exploded past Jaff and MacKazie before lobbing Palera from 20 yards. The deafening Lemmington crowd said it all as Kaze Progressa saw their faint qualifying hopes fade rapidly away.

As Owa and Cawyy toiled in vain - the latter missing at least three clear chances - Meisterbrou nearly made the score more embarrasing in injury time, but was denied by Palera's fine diving save.

The final score of 2-0 left Kaze Progressa, to all intents and purposes, eliminated from WC8 qualifying. But their performance has been better than last year, when they were bottom of the group - they have already amassed more points than in that debut campaign.

Owa said 'It just didn't click... we're still going for third, because that's the only goal we have now. This is a group of two halves, and we're determined to top our half. We should have expected it, as Lemmitania and Ariddia are a class apart - we did draw with Ariddia, but that was a one-off I guess... hopefully we can show some attacking flair in our last three matches and especially get our fans out. We can show that our fans are some of the greatest around, which should help our bid for the next Cup with Belmore Family and Liverpool England.'

Better than the best!

Big party in Endray-Island! After the glorious victory over world champion Errinundera, millions of people were dancing and singing in the streets. Coach Hank van the doll, who already has shown in his first match that hiring him was a good decision, in an interview after the match: "We had been waiting so long for this day! Finally we have shown that we are able to beat anyone! This victory was deserved such as the wild party tonight will be..."

Endray-Island 3 Errinundera 2
[Diesel 34, Lommer 39+58]

Congratulations Endray-Island. We were nobodies in WC5 and won WC7. You never know...

Errinundera goals: joyhilla 85, nyleptha 90
leighm medal: joyhilla 3, codith 2, pomaderrisa 1

After the match, coach fionar, told reporters, "Mudcake in the evening, shit in the morning!"

(It's very strange, i can only log in as a puppet)
(ooc: I've seen some other posts with the same problem this morning. I can only log in at all if I try to edit something.)
(edit - 3 hours later - seems fine now - well, fine for NS, anyway)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ode to a Bunch of Football Hooligans
by Henry Longworth Wadsfellow
Poet Laureate, Snub Nose 38

This day, 'gainst the Nation of WNA
some Hooligans came to take it away.
They arrived in a bus with "Yeah Us!" on the side
and took WNA on a rollercoaster ride.

The crispness of air in the stadium today!
The wetness of grass (it has rained, by the way).
The noiseness of crowd, "Ba Da Boom, Ba Da Bing!"
The festivy atmosphere, with the song and the sing.

The eleven of them, the eleven of us
(remember what we had wrote on our bus).
The ball in the middle, the referee too.
The red of our pants, and our jerseys deep blue.

Hey! There goes the whistle, the match is begun!
Inside of 5 minutes it's zero to one.
Malicious has taken the ball to the box
and Knuckles delivers (hail to these jocks!)

But hark! What is this? The score is now tied?
It is - due to scoring by the other side.
They pounced on the ball, they passed it, you bet
that they passed it past Pancake, and into the net.

The match is a fine one, with WNA
and Hooligans defining how football to play
(Syntax in this stanza sacrificed is -
it seems that's allowed in the poetry biz.)

And Low! (to declare using "Low" is quite fun)
one half of the match, still tied, is now done.
And out come - you guessed it - a real rowdy bunch,
the Hooligan Cheerleaders (some fans go for lunch).

"Sing Ho! For our Hooligans, Hurray and Hurrah!
And Boo, WNA, whoever you ah!
The Hooligan players will win this here game
by beating you guys with that really weird name."

Tomatos, Potatoes, Celery too,
right through the air to the cheerleaders flew.
The ripeness of which, to their cheerleady dismay
causes splattering, smushing, in a wet, messy way.

And, as we have come to expect at this point,
Security comes - hauls them out of the joint.
In handcuffs they go, still rowdily cheering
a cheer that's less cheer, and really more sneering.

Now, once again, the teams take the pitch
and the play that ensues is truly quite rich.
The players, both sides, move gracefully round
like dancers, ballet, on this large football ground.

They arrive at a level of play that is, well -
rather impressive, it is great, it is swell!
And the ball, to and fro, to and fro, there it goes
(occassionally, also, the ref's whistle blows).

Then, out of the blue, a quick pass, a quick trap
the defense, so it seems, are caught in a nap!
A Hooligan, it is Malicious this time,
(we're skipping this line, 'cause I can't make it rhyme).

The ball's in the net! The Hooligans score!
And WNA can't seem to no more.
So, them guys has one, and us guys has two.
And that's all the football that we're gonna do.

( Composed while watching the Seventh Qualifying Match played by the Snub Nose 38 International Football side, "The Hooligans", in "38 Special Stadium", Section 23, Row B, Seat 12 during the qualifying round for World Cup 8 ) Thank you, Dr. Seuss

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Group 3 - Stats and next Matchs
[code:1:a71e780cd1]
# Side P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Snub Nose 38 8 6 1 1 16 7 +9 19
2 Giant Zucchini 8 5 1 2 13 6 +7 16
5 WNA 8 4 1 3 12 12 0 13
3 West Ariddia 8 3 1 4 14 18 -4 10
4*Eauz 8 3 0 5 13 16 -3 9
6*Male 18 8 1 0 7 10 19 -9 3

* - eliminated[/code:1:a71e780cd1]
[code:1:a71e780cd1]Matchday 1 Matchday 2
Snub Nose 38 2 Male 18 1 WNA 1 Snub Nose 38 4
Giant Zucchini 0 WNA 1 Eauz 0 Giant Zucchini 1
West Ariddia 2 Eauz 1 Male 18 2 West Ariddia 1

Matchday 3 Matchday 4

Snub Nose 38 0 Eauz 1 West Ariddia 0 SN38 1
Giant Zucchini 3 West Ariddia 2 Male 18 0 Giant Zucchini 1
WNA 2 Male 18 1 WNA 1 Eauz 2

Matchday 5 Matchday 6

Snub Nose 38 1 Giant Zucchini 1 Male 18 1 Snub Nose 38 3
West Ariddia 1 WNA 1 WNA 2 Giant Zucchini 1
Eauz 4 Male 18 2 Eauz 4 West Ariddia 5

Matchday 7 Matchday 8

Snub Nose 38 2 WNA 1 Eauz 1 Snub Nose 38 3
Giant Zucchini 2 Eauz 0 West Ariddia 0 Giant Zucchini 4
West Ariddia 3 Male 18 2 Male 18 1 WNA 3[/code:1:a71e780cd1]
Matchday 9
1 vs 3 Snub Nose 38 vs West Arridia @ Snub Nose 38
2 vs 6 Giant Zucchini vs Male 18 @ Giant Zucchini
4 vs 5 Eauz vs WNA @ Eauz

Matchday 10
2 vs 1 Giant Zucchini vs Snub Nose 38 @ Giant Zucchini
5 vs 3 WNA vs West Arridia @ WNA
6 vs 4 Male 18 vs Eauz @ Male 18
----------------------------------------
Rosters have been posted for:
Giant Zucchini
West Arridia
Snub Nose 38

The Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 is expecting a state visit from Prince "M" of Eastman School of Music. This will be a happy, and much celebrated, occassion. However, necessary security measures may inhibit communications with the outside world.

OOC: Son # 2 coming home from school for a visit - both time spent with son, and time son spends with computer, will decrease time...ah, you get it.

The Bovine Herald
The Dream of Qualifying Breaks Into Pieces

The last 2 matchdays brought terrible losses to our national team.
First, a terrible defeat against Gilmeecia (3-2) and secondly against Liverpool England (2-1).
After this terrible losses, the team has lost all hopes of qualifying, as we went from being the second team in the group rank, to being the fifth one.
Ron Goldenspots, our superstar, has accused the national team of Gilmeecia of ''wanting to eat him'' and he said that he received anonymous letters that had threthening phrases like: ''We could eat you up, walking meal" or "You're helluva nice steak".
The hell bovinian coach was really annoyed and angry with the results and he expressed this anger in a rather agressive speech, a speech you can hear here: http://www.hekkuli.org/~hekkuli/flash/MadCow.swf
Whether the result is unfair or not, the national team has lost all hope and now is just a matter of time for us to be out of the cup.

Cosmo Penbovine, Special Journalist for WC8

Woooooooo!

Woooooooo!
Woooooooo?

Woooooooo!
Moo?

The Freedom Papers - Evening Edition

Additional Victory Still Evades Top Spot

The ORD National Team's 3-1 win against 1900s Oglethorpia was still not enough to clinch first place in the table after Oddslavo also trashed Dead Man today.

ORD's Harry Radford took the hat trick today at the 18th, 37th and 79th minute and impressed the crowd with deft shots that secured another victory for the Dottians.

Also, Harry Radford made Dottian history for scoring ORD's 100th World Cup goal at the 18th minute. The Freedom Papers give our congratulations to Harry Radford for making history.

Score Summary:
One Red Dot 3 (Harry Radford - 18th, 37th, 79th)
1900s Oglethorpia (George Silva - 55th)

(OOC: I also liked what Commerce Heights had done. Congrats to Commerce Heights for having their idea stolen twice)

ORD World Cup Statistics:
[code:1:59e5dcc794]
World Cup WC4 WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8(based on qualifiers up to Day 7)
Matches Played 9 10 17 13 7

Wins 3 5 9 9 5
Draws 3 0 7 1 0
Losses 3 5 1 3 2

Goals For 9 17 31 31 14
Average GF 1.00 1.70 1.82 2.38 2.00
Goals Against 10 16 16 9 9
Average GA 1.11 1.60 0.94 0.69 1.29
Goal Diff. –1 +1 +15 +22 +5
Average GD -0.11 0.11 0.88 1.69 0.71

Total Matches 9 19 36 49 56

Accumulated GF 9 26 57 88 102
Ave. Acc. GF 1.00 1.37 1.58 1.80 1.82
Accumulated GA 10 26 42 51 60
Ave. Acc. GA 1.11 1.37 1.17 1.04 1.07
Accumulated GD -1 0 +15 +37 +42
Ave. Acc. GD -0.11 0 0.42 0.76 0.75

Average Opp. Rank 64.67 65.20 52.80 53.38 102.00
Highest Opp. Rank 12 5 8 7 35
Lowest Opp. Rank 100 100 100 100 150

Pre-Match Rank 100 27 30 22 16

*Rounding-ups/downs may cause calculative errors in the table.
[/code:1:59e5dcc794]

WCVIII - Group 6 Qualifying
[code:1:59e5dcc794]Qlf Group 6 (Day 7) P W D L F A GD Pts
Qlf Oddslavo (35) 7 6 1 0 18 6 +12 19
One Red Dot (16) 7 5 0 2 14 9 +5 15
Dead Man (107) 7 3 1 3 14 14 0 10
The Weegies (68) 7 2 2 3 10 12 -2 8
1900s Oglethorpia 7 2 0 5 13 19 -6 6
Elm Chronos Prime 7 1 0 6 6 15 -9 3[/code:1:59e5dcc794]

Chronos Prime's loss against The Weegies cost them a shot at the Cup. On the other side of the table, Oddslavo stays safe as their 7th undefeated match provided them a spot in the World Cup.

Match Fixtures (Day 8 ~ 10):
Day 8 - Dead Man (107) v One Red Dot (16) @ Dead Man
Day 9 - One Red Dot (16) v The Weegies [68] @ Royal Red Dot National Stadium
Day 10 - Oddslavo (35) v One Red Dot (16) @ Oddslavo


Tickets for the home match against The Weegies at the Royal Red Dot Stadium can be bought at your local certified ORDOTIX (One Red DOt TIX) Counters for Dt 5,295,286.64 (US$540).

The Grand Duchy of Hell Bovines states its intention to participate in this world cup, as long as the other countries promise not to try eating our players. We might look tasty, but we have feelings too.
Best luck,

Mooo IV, duque of hell bovines
In a press release today the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages supported the entry of Hell Bovines in World Cup 9. As a show of friendship the Ministry is circulating a petition, "World Cup 9 Won't Eat Hell Bovines" (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=77525&highlight=). Other like-minded sporting nations who will participate in World Cup 9 are invited to sign.

The Ministry also announced that the Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders simply can't wait for the Hooligans to play Hell Bovines. Apparently they have a few ideas for appropriate (this reporter thinks it's more likely "inappropriate") cheers.

[code:1:ce308dfa57]Lowest Opp. Rank 100 100 100 100 100[/code:1:ce308dfa57]
Shouldn't the lowest opp. rank for WC8 be 150? ;)

[code:1:a492ea795e]Lowest Opp. Rank 100 100 100 100 100[/code:1:a492ea795e]
Shouldn't the lowest opp. rank for WC8 be 150? ;)

Was it? All the time I thought it was 100. Could anyone confirm?

It was 100 for WC6 and WC7, 150 for WC8. I can't remember if it was capped in WC4 and WC5.

It was 100 for WC6 and WC7, 150 for WC8. I can't remember if it was capped in WC4 and WC5.

In WC5 it was 45. Don't know about WC4.

How are nations that return after missing on some WCs given a rank e.g. Dead Man, Australian Marsupials, Rave Shentavo, etc..

How are nations that return after missing on some WCs given a rank e.g. Dead Man, Australian Marsupials, Rave Shentavo, etc..

They're still ranked above newbie status, but their ranking has still fallen considerably.

Warnocks Wizards Qualifying Chances Withered

Despite Stunning Goal by Star Pug-nose, National Team Falls 2-1 to Kingsford

From our news services...

Matchday 7, Kingsford–Warnocks Wizards small chance of qualifying for the World Cup in their inaugural campaign ended yesterday with a 2-1 defeat away at ranked Kingsford. The Wizards made two changes, one forced and one tactical, from their starting lineup from matchday six. Krumsnak the Sneaky, injured by flying debris caused by the PariMedia Sports helicopters (see related story below), was replaced by Gromdul the Gasher. Midfielder Ghazghash the Sleazy made way for Striker Globdreg the Destroyer, as perpetually suspended Manager Ufwurz the Furious decided to mix things up and start with a 4-3-3 formation. The Red and White Wizards started brightly as Gabdul the Looter forced an early save by the Kingsford goalkeeper. The national team kept possession well and it only seemed a matter of time before they would open the scoring. However, it was the home team which scored first on 25 minutes. Left back Grimbrug the Basher slipped, letting his man Xavier Neveau get by him and creating a 3 on 2 situation for Kingsford. The experienced side finished their chance off and took the lead 1-0. The first half ended with little incident, apart from defender Mausnik the Cleaver’s scything down of Kingsford striker Carl Strong. The Uruk’Hai United enforcer was fortunate to remain on the pitch with only a booking.

The second half began much as the first did, with the visitors enjoying much of the possession and the better chances. However, the Red and White Wizards frontline was having difficulty breaking through against Kingsford’s excellent defensive unit. It took truly a special goal by a special player for the Wizards to equalise in the 52nd minute. Manager Ufwurz the Furious, gesturing from his enforced seat in the stands, moved Striker Gabdul the Looter into a withdrawn position. This temporarily pulled the Kingsford defense apart, allowing Gabdul to receive the ball and quickly chip to the Chief, Globdreg the Destroyer, who quickly hit the ball first time to Striker Ishklash the Pug-nose. The Pug-nosed one dribbled the ball in front of his marker, toying with him. After a quick flick, he sent the ball over his defenders head, then ran onto it, creating a one on one with John Thompson, the on-rushing goalkeeper. Again thinking quickly on his feet, he nutmegged the keeper and walked the ball into the net to make it 1-1. This marvelous goal drew an appreciate round of applause from the Kingsford crowd. It also stirred the home side to life. Kingsford showed their prowess with a fine goal by striker Desypar on 66 minutes, making it 2-1. From that point on they closed the Wizards down, and ran out deserved winners. With three matches left in the qualifying campaign, Warnocks Wizards have been mathematically eliminated. Manager Ufwurz vowed that his side would keep battling and would still aim for maximum points, although conceded he may take the opportunity to blood a few more youngsters.

Warnocks Wizards: Ishhak the Smasher, Grimbrug the Basher (Ghaztrak the Gouger 26), Mausnik the Cruel, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Gromdul the Gasher, Bagdreg the Mauler, Akhklash the Paunch, Globdreg the Destroyer, Gabdul the Looter (Ghazghash the Sleazy 74), Ishklash the Pug-nose.

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Meek, Ashmazh the Tough, Mersnik the Cruel.

The Red and White Wizards next match in Group 12 is home against 17th-ranked Akbarland. The game will be played at New Orthanc United’s The Tower.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

Warnocks Wizards Football Federation President Speaks Out

Condemns Technology, Modern Media Outlets

From our news services...

New Orthanc–If you weren’t at The Tower or watching palantiri station WW1 for last week’s football match between the national teams of Warnocks Wizards and Commerce Heights, you missed quite a spectacle. An armada of helicopters, representing an entity called PariMedia Sports, were hovering over the pitch to broadcast the match to the citizens of the Paripana region. As a result, the field of play was engulfed by strong swirling winds in the first half which directly led to the only goal of the match. Disgusted with the effect of the PariMedia Sports fleet, Warnocks Wizards football federation president Globmazh the Mean summoned a flock of Gwaihiri (Great Eagles) to disperse the helicopter fleet by guanifying their television cameras.

Speaking exclusively to us about the match and the state of football in the realm, President Globmazh the Mean kindly took time out of his busy schedule to remark:

Globmazh: The Warnocks Wizards football federation is gravely disappointed with the events that took place during the recent match with Commerce Heights. The federation respects the referee’s decision in upholding the goal and we accept that we lost the match. However, we are very much disappointed by the presence of the helicopters. We in the region of Middle Earth believe in the sanctity of nature. It is sacrosanct, it must be protected at all costs. The pollution and the disharmony caused by these helicopter machines at our last home match is unacceptable. Not only did the machines pollute the air with their engines, they polluted the sound waves forcing us to cancel the halftime show of Elvish folk singer Maldholwen, and their wind caused some damage to nearby flora and led to some minor injuries in the ground. Our wizened midfielder Krumsnak the Sneaky was injured by a flying chocolate Balrog. While he seemed okay to finish the match, the swelling overnight was tremendous and he will be out indefinitely.

Bazgash: In defense of Commerce Heights, some have argued that The Tower ground, particularly the visitors section in the Old Uruk’Hai Mine Stand, is inadequate and the helicopters were needed to broadcast the match.

Globmazh: We are but a young nation and our infrastructure is improving daily. We are working on replacing the Old stand, but that will take time. Visiting spectators can either choose to rent ladders during the match, they can hire Ents to move into the stand and they can sit in their limbs, or they can watch the match on large screens in the stand. Our palantiri (seeing stones) broadcasts are perfectly able to send signals to other regions and there is no need for helicopter-based cameras. The palantiri are placed strategically in the rocky outcroppings of The Tower.

Bazgash: Are there any final comments you’d like to make?

Globmazh: As of now, foreign federations must obtain a permit from our government in order to bring their own broadcast equipment to our stadia. Go on you Red & White Wizards!

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

How are nations that return after missing on some WCs given a rank e.g. Dead Man, Australian Marsupials, Rave Shentavo, etc..

They're still ranked above newbie status, but their ranking has still fallen considerably.

OOC: I can see that in the case of Dead man where his/her rank is 107. But how is it calculated? I'm still not sure about that? Do the ranks just start after 100? Or is it the formula where your last rank was used and they used the average of the difference of something and the added to something...anyway.....IC:

The Freedom Papers – 2nd Evening Edition

ORD Gurantees World Cup Berth

ORD's victory against Dead Man earlier gave ORD the rights to a World Cup place, joining Oddslavo at the top. Gary Whiteman's goal at the 29th minute and Nagasen Hashiei's goal at the 67th minute gave ORD the 2-0 victory against Dead Man.

However, despite entry into the World Cup, citizens of ORD are still not satisfied, saying that in the end, it should be 16-seed ORD that should claim first place as they are higher ranked than 35-seed Oddslavo.

It would take two wins for ORD and two disappointments for Oddslavo for ORD to take first place. The match on Day 10 of the qualifiers is set to be a major one as the top 2 of the table duke it out on Oddslavic soil as ORD is yet to take revenge for their defeat on home ground. Tickets are set to be sold at an estimated price of US$700 (Dt 6,619,108.30).

Score Summary:
One Red Dot 2 (Whiteman - 29th, Hashiei - 67th)
Dead Man 0

WCVIII Group 6 Qualiying Table:
[code:1:7822e7b74d]Q/E Group 6 (Day 8) P W D L F A GD Pts
Qlf 35 Oddslavo (35) 8 7 1 0 20 6 +14 22
Qlf 16 One Red Dot (16) 8 6 0 2 16 9 +7 18
Elm 107 Dead Man (107) 8 3 1 4 14 16 -2 10
Elm 1900s Oglethorpia 8 3 0 5 17 21 -4 9
Elm 68 The Weegies (68) 8 2 2 4 10 14 -4 8
Elm Chronos Prime 8 1 0 7 8 19 -11 3[/code:1:7822e7b74d]

ORD World Cup Record:
[code:1:7822e7b74d]World Cup WC4 WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8(based on qualifiers up to Day 7)
Matches Played 9 10 17 13 8

Wins 3 5 9 9 6
Draws 3 0 7 1 0
Losses 3 5 1 3 2

Goals For 9 17 31 31 16
Average GF 1.00 1.70 1.82 2.38 2.00
Goals Against 10 16 16 9 9
Average GA 1.11 1.60 0.94 0.69 1.13
Goal Diff. –1 +1 +15 +22 +7
Average GD -0.11 0.11 0.88 1.69 0.88

Total Matches 9 19 36 49 57

Accumulated GF 9 26 57 88 104
Ave. Acc. GF 1.00 1.37 1.58 1.80 1.82
Accumulated GA 10 26 42 51 60
Ave. Acc. GA 1.11 1.37 1.17 1.04 1.05
Accumulated GD -1 0 +15 +37 +44
Ave. Acc. GD -0.11 0 0.42 0.76 0.77

Average Opp. Rank 64.67 65.20 52.80 53.38 102.00
Highest Opp. Rank 12 5 8 7 35
Lowest Opp. Rank 100 100 100 100 150

Pre-Match Rank 100 27 30 22 16

*Rounding-ups/downs may cause calculative errors in the table.[/code:1:7822e7b74d]

Match Fixtures (Day 8 ~ 10):
Day 9 - One Red Dot (16) v The Weegies [68] @ Royal Red Dot National Stadium
Day 10 - Oddslavo (35) v One Red Dot (16) @ Oddslavo


Tickets for the home match against The Weegies at the Royal Red Dot Stadium can still be bought at your local certified ORDOTIX (One Red DOt TIX) Counters for Dt 5,295,286.64 (US$540).

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Nikea Wastes Chance
Fall Flat on Faces in Interiu
by Markenin Markenel

INTERIU(NP) - What could have been a wonderful day for the Nikean national football club has left the side still in a heated battle for their World Cup qualifying spot.

Hopes were high for the Nikeans, having come off a wonderful win in the previous match with Defari. Gesamtkuntswerk came in needing a win to stay alive. A look at the scoreboard of the matches played earlier in the day showed players from both sides that this match would be crucial for qualifying: Defari and The Dragonian Empire drew 1-1, eliminating both sides from contention. Dennisov had soundly beaten the Australian Marsupials. A victory or even a draw for the Pandas would give them a qualifying spot, a loss would leave them still 6 points ahead of the Marsupials, yet only five points ahead of Gesamtkuntswerk. It was important for the Pandas to play well, and the southern coastal city of Interiu was lit up at night for this nighttime match.

Things started well, with Nikea getting 4 good chances in the opening 30 minutes, all turned aside by the wonderful play of the Sturm keeper. The game went into the half tied at zeros, a score Nikea was perfectly content to keep at, but one that would not do for Gesamtkuntswerk.

The wheels began to fall off early in the second half. A corner kick was accidentally deflected in past Renteritel by Rorin Entel, drawing boos from the crowd and celebrations from the Sturm players. 15 minutes later, this time off a free kick, Renteritel mishandled the ball, and a Gesamtkuntswerk forward was left unchallenged to pop the rebound into the net. Interien Field fell into a silence, and it appeared as though Nikea would have their three game winning streak snapped.

Hope arose for a brief moment in the 79th minute, as Keresin Keresiuene wound a free kick around the Sturm wall and into the net just past the outstretched Sturm keeper. 'One more' chants began from the seats. Unfortunately, it was Gesamtkuntswerk who got that goal. A nifty move that had Strekiov fall to the ground was followed up by a cross, which was headed past Renteritel, who did not look ready for it. The seats began to empty, and only half of the 73,000 fans who attended at the start of the game were left to see the Nikeans walk off the field 3-1 losers.

"It's disappointing," Terestel said following the match. "We were just content to play for the tie, while they played to win. We lost our drive, and it proved costly for us in the second half."

"I simply had a bad game," Nikea goalkeeper Jeserin Renteritel said. "The first goal was kind of fluky, but the last two were definitely my fault. I just have to put this game behind me and move on."

Things don't get any better for the Pandas as they end World Cup 8 qualifying on the road. The first stop is Dennisov, who, despite a slight slip in matches 5 and 6, have breezed through the group rather unscathed, and have clinched a spot in the World Cup. Gesamtkuntswerk are home to Defari, and a loss or draw would eliminate them from qualifying. A victory, however, coupled with a Nikea loss would put them only 2 points back going into the final match day, where Gesamtkuntswerk hosts Dennisov, a tough test. Australian Marsupials, the only other group 9 team not mathematically eliminated, have matches with The Dragonian Empire and Defari. They need a win in matchdays 9 and 10, and need Nikea to lose twice, as well as Gesamtkuntswerk to falter, although the goal differential may be too difficult to over come. Nikea's final match is in the Dragonian Empire.

[code:1:8706616537]
Nikea 1 (Keresiuene 79)
v.
Gesamtkuntswerk 3 (Entel 49 OG, <player> 74, <player> 86)
[/code:1:8706616537]

Match Summary:
Nikea (71) v. Australian Marsupials (127) W 2-1
Defari v. Nikea (71) L 1-2
Gesamtkuntswerk (38] v. Nikea (71) W 3-1
Nikea (71) v. Dennisov (18] L 0-2
Nikea (71) v. The Dragonian Empire W 2-0
Australian Marsupials (127) v. Nikea (71) W 2-1
Nikea (71) v. Defari W 2-1
Nikea (71) v. Gesamtkuntswerk (38] L 1-3
Dennisov (18] v. Nikea (71)
The Dragonian Empire v. Nikea (71)

Commerce Heights Team Unable To Defeat Kingsford
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - With the #54 Bulldogs (5-3-0) expected by most to qualify for the World Cup, they must have forgotten that they needed to beat #30 Kingsford (5-2-1) to secure that position. Goalkeeper Dirk Vojtilo was unable to play, and Alvaro Yago was unable to stop an early goal by Kingsford. Commerce Heights got a goal of their own in the 66th minute, but the score was still tied at the end of the game.
(54) Commerce Heights 1 (Quigley 66)
(30) Kingsford 1 - FT
[code:1:86cdcc706b]Group 12 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (54) 8 5 3 0 14 6 +8 18
Kingsford (30) 8 5 2 1 12 5 +7 17
Akbarland (17) 8 4 2 2 10 9 +1 14
Nadaskor** 8 2 1 5 11 15 -4 7
East Spaam** 8 1 3 4 8 12 -4 6
Warnocks Wizards** 8 1 1 6 6 15 -9 4
*qualified
**unable to qualify[/code:1:86cdcc706b]
Nadaskor (2-1-5) was knocked out of the qualifiers with a 4-1 loss to East Spaam (1-3-4), which had not previously won a game, and #17 Akbarland's (4-2-2) 3-0 win over Warnocks Wizards (1-1-6) has helped it catch up to CH and Kingsford.
Commerce Heights is preparing for tommorrow's game at Akbarland, which they are expected by almost everybody to lose. A CH win, however unlikely, would almost completely eliminate Akbarland from the qualification picture, leaving CH and Kingsford to move on to the Cup proper. A draw would allow Kingsford to slip past CH if it were to defeat Nadaskor, and a loss would have the same effect - though it would also put Akbarland only 1 point behind CH.
Group 12 - Matchdays 9 and 10 predictions in brackets
(54) Commerce Heights at (17) Akbarland [Akbarland]
(UR) Nadaskor at (30) Kingsford [Kingsford]
(UR) East Spaam at (UR) Warnocks Wizards [East Spaam]

(17) Akbarland at (30) Kingsford [draw]
(54) Commerce Heights at (UR) East Spaam [Commerce Heights]
(UR) Warnocks Wizards at (UR) Nadaskor [Warnocks Wizards]
Should these results occur, the qualifying table would look like:
[code:1:86cdcc706b]Group 12 P W D L Pts
Kingsford (30) 10 6 3 1 21
Commerce Heights (54) 10 6 3 1 21
Akbarland (17) 10 5 3 2 18
East Spaam 10 2 3 5 9
Nadaskor 10 2 1 7 7
Warnocks Wizards 10 2 1 7 7[/code:1:86cdcc706b]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: vs Warnocks Wizards – W 4-1
Day 2: at Nadaskor – T 2-2
Day 3: at #30 Kingsford – W 1-0
Day 4: vs #17 Akbarland – T 1-1
Day 5: vs East Spaam – W 2-1
Day 6: at Warnocks Wizards – W 1-0
Day 7: vs Nadaskor – W 2-0
Day 8: vs #30 Kingsford – T 1-1
Day 9: at #17 Akbarland
Day 10: at East Spaam
Statistics
[code:1:86cdcc706b] Overall WC7 WC8
Games Played 18 10 8
Wins 8 3 5
Draws 6 3 3
Losses 4 4 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 80.7 62.6 103.4
Highest Opp. Rank 17 18 17
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 18 18 30
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.8 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.3 1.8 0.8 gpg
Goal Differential +5 -3 +8[/code:1:86cdcc706b]

The Grand Duchy of Hell Bovines states its intention to participate in this world cup, as long as the other countries promise not to try eating our players. We might look tasty, but we have feelings too.
Best luck,

Mooo IV, duque of hell bovines
In a press release today the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages supported the entry of Hell Bovines in World Cup 9. As a show of friendship the Ministry is circulating a petition, "World Cup 9 Won't Eat Hell Bovines" (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=77525&highlight=). Other like-minded sporting nations who will participate in World Cup 9 are invited to sign.

The Ministry also announced that the Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders simply can't wait for the Hooligans to play Hell Bovines. Apparently they have a few ideas for appropriate (this reporter thinks it's more likely "inappropriate") cheers.

OOC:LOL! :lol:
IC:
We congratulate and thank the great nation of Snub Nose 38 for such understanding and intelligence.
It is thanks to nations like yours that one day we will achieve global peace and mutual understanding between all races and nations of the world.
Again, thanks for not eating us.
Hughs,

Mooo IV, Duque of Hell Bovines

Woooooooo!
Moo?

No, "Wooooooooooooo!" Due to the fact that I have qualified for the Cup.

Squornshelous continued to put more and more distance between itself and the other teams in its group with a 2-1 win. It is now highly unlikely, if not impossible for us to place anywhere other than 1st in our group.

GILMEECIA GO TOP OF GROUP 14 AFTER DEFEATING LIVERPOOL ENGLAND 3-1

GILMEECIA 3 (Dussis 36th own goal, Hearne 59th own goal, player 64th penalty)
LIVERPOOL ENGLAND 1 (Cannon 1st penalty/Hearne sent off 63rd)

Gilmeecia have gone top of Group 14 after Liverpool England lost 3-1 to them. Caddy Cannon opened the scoring in the first minute with a penalty kick after Paul Dussis was brought down but Dussis equalised for Gilmeecia after a weak back-pass failed miserably. Goalkeeper Mark Hearne let the second goal in, a corner by Gilmeecia defelcted off his leg in the 60th minute. Three minutes later, a professional foul got him the red card and Liverpool England were down to ten men, and were down 3-1. The score did not change for the remainder of the match.

NEWSFLASH: Halfassedstates' Freddy Crewgar offered dual nationality by Liverpool England Exec Affairs Cheif Erfin Caws

Another loss! But I still....OUGHT to qualify...

glares fiercly at coach

DAILY CROCODILE

"Not quite dead yet"

"A new coach was just the tonic we needed," said Tanah Burung captain Rosa Bibere after a crucial 2-0 win over group leaders Jacktazea. Ab Francisco's coaching career ended as suddenly as it had begun, and former Crocodiles coach Guntur Ruak stepped into the breach.

"Stike the enemy with all your might and all the strength of your revolutionary spirit" was Ruak's pre-game order to his team, and they responded fully. Bibere was particularly effective in stopping the Jacktazean attack cold.

Things broke open in the 37th minute with a nice play by Canabe Livit to get the ball up to Yosepha Syahrir, who played it into the net after faking a pass to fellow striker David Cavaco. After that, Jacktazea was struggling to equalize, without success. And the Crocodiles maintained their discipline, avoiding fouls that might give Jacktazea an opportunity to equalize.

In the second half, Cavaco scored an insurance marker, heading in a cross from Bibere who was making one of her regualr forays deep into the other half of the pitch. And that's how it would end, with the Crocodiles coming out on top convincingly in this do-or-die match.

With two games remaining, Tanah Burung sits four points back of the new groups leaders, The Belmore Family, who they still have to face once more. They are two points back of Jacktazea -- so it won't be easy, but they are still in with a chance to qualify for World Cup 8. A day ago, that looked impossible.

Final score: Tanah Burung 2 Jacktazea 0
(Syahrir 37, Cavaco 59)

If you never knew
-Best placed team is Oddslavo (1st in Gp 6, 22 points, GD+14) compared to Squornshelous (1st in Grp 5, 22 points, GD+12)
-Lemmitania, Dark Outcasts, Timway, Oddslavo, Squornshelous, Svecia and Halfassedstates all have scored at least twenty goals in their world cup qualifying, and are all top of their respective groups except Halfassedstates, behind Svecia in Group 2.
-At this point only Svecia, Squornshelous, Oddslavo, One Red Dot, Dennisov, The Lowland Clans, Lemmitania and Arridia have qualified
-The following teams can still secure qualification: [code:1:28bd0f4308]
Spaam (3) 8 4 2 2 15 10 +5 14
Sliponia (74) 8 3 4 1 13 9 +4 13
Haraki (22) 8 3 3 2 14 13 +1 12
Gilmeecia (46) 8 6 0 2 18 12 +6 18
Liverpool England (28) 8 6 0 2 13 9 +4 18
Pure Evil (9) 8 4 2 2 12 9 +3 14
Yentrofinova 8 3 1 4 8 9 -1 10
Commerce Heights (54) 8 5 3 0 14 6 +8 18
Kingsford (30) 8 5 2 1 12 5 +7 17
Akbarland (17) 8 4 2 2 11 10 -1 14
God Squad (62) 8 4 2 2 13 8 +5 14
Busby (14) 8 3 3 2 15 13 +2 12
Slops Pit 8 3 1 4 15 18 -3 10
Bullonien (65) 8 6 0 2 16 9 +7 18
Ravenspire (29) 8 5 2 1 13 5 +8 17
Nikea (71) 8 5 0 3 13 12 +1 15
Gesamtkuntswerk (38) 8 3 1 4 12 14 -2 10
Antaeus Rising (53) 8 4 2 2 18 12 +6 14
Neolithica 8 4 2 2 12 16 -4 14
Total n Utter Insanity (19) 8 2 4 2 13 12 +1 10
The Belmore Family (15) 8 4 4 0 12 6 +6 16
Jacktazea (50) 8 4 2 2 14 9 +6 14
Tanah Burung (27) 8 3 3 2 13 10 +3 12
Europa Britannia (31) 8 4 2 2 12 9 +3 14
Alasdair I Frosticus (60) 8 4 0 4 15 14 +1 12
Quohog (26) 8 4 2 2 13 10 +3 14
BlackEagle Corp. 8 4 1 3 12 16 -4 13
Audioslavia (13) 8 3 4 1 13 7 +6 13
Demonic Beings (47) 8 3 2 3 13 10 +3 11
Voyger 8 3 1 4 12 17 -5 10
Snub Nose 38 (10) 8 6 1 1 16 7 +9 19
Giant Zucchini (21) 8 5 1 2 13 6 +7 16
WNA 8 4 1 3 12 12 0 13
West Ariddia (57) 8 3 1 4 14 18 -4 10
Halfassedstates (8) 8 5 2 1 20 9 +11 17
Simba Polo 8 3 2 3 7 11 -4 11
Runaway Moose (4) 8 5 1 2 13 6 +7 16
Errinundera (1) 8 4 2 2 18 10 +8 14
Pavesia (39) 8 4 2 2 14 11 +3 14 [/code:1:28bd0f4308]

NEWSFLASH:

The mighty Zucchinis have made great headway for their qualification in the 8th World Cup. They are now still second in the table, 3 points away from leaders Snub Nose 38 and 3 points ahead of surprise package WNA after an emphatic 4-0 win at West Ariddia. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "I am happy with the result. If we continue to achieve this kind of results, we should be able to qualify. But there are only 2 games left to go, and we must make sure we do not falter. Any mistake now would be detrimental."

Belmore's big list of placings so far.
[code:1:0dd3b8178e]1. Oddslavo (35) 8 7 1 0 20 6 +14 22
2. Svecia (2) 8 7 1 0 22 9 +13 22
3. Squornshelous (12) 8 7 1 0 20 8 +12 22
4. Lemmitania (20) 8 7 0 1 21 4 +17 21
5. Dennisov (18) 8 6 1 1 19 7 +12 19
6. Dark Outcasts (11) 8 6 1 1 22 11 +11 19
7. Snub Nose 38 (10) 8 6 1 1 16 7 +9 19
8. Ariddia (6) 8 6 1 1 19 11 +8 19
9. The Lowland Clans (34) 8 5 3 0 18 8 +10 18
10. Commerce Heights (54) 8 5 3 0 14 6 +8 18
11. One Red Dot (16) 8 6 0 2 16 9 +7 18
12. Bullonien (65) 8 6 0 2 16 9 +7 18
13. Gilmeecia (46) 8 6 0 2 18 12 +6 18
14. Liverpool England (28) 8 6 0 2 13 9 +4 18
15. Halfassedstates (8) 8 5 2 1 20 9 +11 17
16. Ravenspire (29) 8 5 2 1 13 5 +8 17
17. Kingsford (30) 8 5 2 1 12 5 +7 17
18. Timway (31) 8 5 1 2 20 12 +8 16
19. Runaway Moose (4) 8 5 1 2 13 6 +7 16
20. Giant Zucchini (21) 8 5 1 2 13 6 +7 16
21. The Belmore Family (15) 8 4 4 0 12 6 +6 16
22. Nikea (71) 8 5 0 3 13 12 +1 15
23. Errinundera (1) 8 4 2 2 18 10 +8 14
24. Aquilla (45) 8 4 2 2 18 12 +6 14
25. Antaeus Rising (53) 8 4 2 2 18 12 +6 14
26. Jacktazea (50) 8 4 2 2 14 9 +6 14
27. Spaam (3) 8 4 2 2 15 10 +5 14
28. God Squad (62) 8 4 2 2 13 8 +5 14
29. Pavesia (39) 8 4 2 2 14 11 +3 14
30. Europa Britannia (31) 8 4 2 2 12 9 +3 14
31. Pure Evil (9) 8 4 2 2 12 9 +3 14
32. Quohog (26) 8 4 2 2 13 10 +3 14
33. Akbarland (17) 8 4 2 2 11 10 -1 14
34. Neolithica 8 4 2 2 12 16 -4 14
35. Adioslavia (13) 8 3 4 1 13 7 +6 13
36. Sliponia (74) 8 3 4 1 13 9 +4 13
37. BlackEagle Corp. 8 4 1 3 12 16 -4 13
38. WNA 8 4 1 3 12 12 0 13
39. Tanah Burung (27) 8 3 3 2 13 10 +3 12
40. Busby (14) 8 3 3 2 15 13 +2 12
41. Haraki (22) 8 3 3 2 14 13 +1 12
42. Alasdair I Frosticus (60) 8 4 0 4 15 14 +1 12
43. Demonic Beings (47) 8 3 2 3 13 10 +3 11
44. Simba Polo 8 3 2 3 7 11 -4 11
45. Total n Utter Insanity (19) 8 2 4 2 13 12 +1 10
46. Yentrofinova 8 3 1 4 8 9 -1 10
47. Dead Man (107) 8 3 1 4 14 16 -2 10
48. Gesamtkuntswerk (38) 8 3 1 4 12 14 -2 10
49. Sops Pit 8 3 1 4 15 18 -3 10
50. West Ariddia (57) 8 3 1 4 14 18 -4 10
51. Voyger 8 3 1 4 12 17 -5 10
52. Australian Marsupials (127) 8 3 0 5 13 14 -1 9
53. Eauz (85) 8 3 0 5 13 16 -3 9
54. 1900s Oglethorpia 8 3 0 5 17 21 -4 9
55. Endray-Island 8 3 0 5 13 17 -4 9
56. Sycoes 8 2 2 4 13 16 -3 8
57. The Weegies (68) 8 2 2 4 10 14 -4 8
58. Defari 8 2 2 4 11 16 -5 8
59. Sazland (67) 8 2 2 4 8 13 -5 8
60. Jadonopolos 8 2 2 4 9 14 -5 8
61. The Dragonian Empire 8 2 2 4 9 15 -6 8
62. Mezitzia (72) 8 2 2 4 6 12 -6 8
63. Keyshona 8 2 2 4 10 17 -7 8
64. Hell Bovines 8 2 1 5 8 11 -3 7
65. Nadaskor 8 2 1 5 11 15 -4 7
66. Kaze Progressa (82) 8 1 4 3 8 12 -4 7
67. Zeronia 8 2 1 5 12 18 -6 7
68. Agnosticium 8 2 1 5 16 21 -7 7
69. Ineptia 8 2 1 5 12 19 -7 7
70. Jangle Jangle Ridge 8 2 1 5 10 17 -7 7
71. Coffee Cup 8 2 1 5 6 14 -8 7
72. LordSquall (42) 8 1 3 4 13 15 -2 6
73. Zinkoland 8 1 3 4 11 13 -2 6
74. East Spaam 8 1 3 4 8 11 -3 6
75. Rave Shentavo (103) 8 1 3 4 13 17 -4 6
76. Hellfish 8 1 3 4 12 16 -4 6
77. Jekonuam 8 1 3 4 9 14 -5 6
78. Northern Kings (108) 8 1 3 4 9 14 -5 6
79. Anti-Nazis 8 2 0 6 9 15 -6 6
80. N S A 8 2 0 6 9 19 -10 6
81. Memeplex 8 2 0 6 8 23 -15 6
82. Carasek 8 1 2 5 11 20 -9 5
83. Parthenon 8 1 2 5 8 18 -10 5
84. Alhana Catherine (87) 8 1 1 6 13 18 -5 4
85. New Pavesia 8 0 4 4 10 16 -6 4
86. Warnocks Wizards 8 1 1 6 6 15 -9 4
87. Male 18 8 1 0 7 10 19 -9 3
88. Chronos Prime 8 1 0 7 8 19 -9 3
89. Bardai (80) 8 0 3 5 7 20 -13 3
90. Consumer Engineering 8 1 0 7 5 14 -9 3
[/code:1:0dd3b8178e]

Top 5 Unranked Teams
[code:1:0dd3b8178e]33. Neolithica 8 4 2 2 12 16 -4 14
36. BlackEagle Corp. 8 4 1 3 12 16 -4 13
37. WNA 8 4 1 3 12 12 0 13
43. Simba Polo 8 3 2 3 7 11 -4 11
45. Yentrofinova 8 3 1 4 8 9 -1 10[/code:1:0dd3b8178e]

Top 5 teams below the rank of 32
[code:1:0dd3b8178e]1. Oddslavo (35) 8 7 1 0 20 6 +14 22
8. The Lowland Clans (34) 8 5 3 0 18 8 +10 18
11. Bullonien (65) 8 6 0 2 16 9 +7 18
12. Gilmeecia (46) 8 6 0 2 18 12 +6 18
21. Nikea (71) 8 5 0 3 13 12 +1 15 [/code:1:0dd3b8178e]

Top 5 teams between the rank of 1 and 32
[code:1:0dd3b8178e]2. Svecia (2) 8 7 1 0 22 9 +13 22
3. Squornshelous (12) 8 7 1 0 20 8 +12 22
4. Lemmitania (20) 8 7 0 1 21 4 +17 21
5. Dennisov (18) 8 6 1 1 19 7 +12 19
6. Dark Outcasts (11) 8 6 1 1 22 11 +11 19 [/code:1:0dd3b8178e]

Lowest placed teams between the rank of 1 and 32
[code:1:0dd3b8178e]44. Total n Utter Insanity (19) 8 2 4 2 13 12 +1 10
40. Haraki (22) 8 3 3 2 14 13 +1 12
38. Tanah Burung (27) 8 3 3 2 13 10 +3 12
39. Busby (14) 8 3 3 2 15 13 +2 12
34. Audioslavia (13) 8 3 4 1 13 7 +6 13[/code:1:0dd3b8178e]

Lowest ranked teams
[code:1:0dd3b8178e]88. Bardai (80) 8 0 3 5 7 20 -13 3
83. Alhana Catherine (87) 8 1 1 6 13 18 -5 4
77. Northern Kings (108) 8 1 3 4 9 14 -5 6
74. Rave Shentavo (103) 8 1 3 4 13 17 -4 6
71. LordSquall (42) 8 1 3 4 13 15 -2 6[/code:1:0dd3b8178e]

Most Goals Scored
[code:1:0dd3b8178e]2. Svecia (2) 8 7 1 0 22 9 +13 22
6. Dark Outcasts (11) 8 6 1 1 22 11 +11 19
4. Lemmitania (20) 8 7 0 1 21 4 +17 21
1. Oddslavo (35) 8 7 1 0 20 6 +14 22
3. Squornshelous (12) 8 7 1 0 20 8 +12 22[/code:1:0dd3b8178e]

Least Goals let in
[code:1:0dd3b8178e]4. Lemmitania (20) 8 7 0 1 21 4 +17 21
15. Ravenspire (29) 8 5 2 1 13 5 +8 17
17. Kingsford (30) 8 5 2 1 12 5 +7 17
1. Oddslavo (35) 8 7 1 0 20 6 +14 22
18. Runaway Moose (4) 8 5 1 2 13 6 +7 16[/code:1:0dd3b8178e]

Belmore's big list of placings so far.
[code:1:1e5d193281]1. Oddslavo (35) 8 7 1 0 20 6 +14 22
2. Svecia (2) 8 7 1 0 22 9 +13 22
3. Squornshelous (12) 8 7 1 0 20 8 +12 22
...
87. Chronos Prime 8 1 0 7 8 19 -9 3
88. Bardai (80) 8 0 3 5 7 20 -13 3
89. Consumer Engineering 8 1 0 7 5 14 -9 3 [/code:1:1e5d193281]

I note that you have only 89 teams listed, while there are 90 in the qualifiers. Closer examination reveals that you appear to have missed this team:

[code:1:1e5d193281]Commerce Heights (54) 8 5 3 0 14 6 +8 18[/code:1:1e5d193281]

From what I can see, they are in 10th place. Also, Ariddia, with 19 points, should be ahead of The Lowland Clans, with 18. Similarly, Kingsford (17 pts) should be ahead of Timway (16 pts).

*we are in “38 special” stadium’s film room, where we find the management team of the snub nose 38 hooligans watching a tape of the qualifying match with eauz. manager justin case, a can of soda in hand, sits in the third row of seats, starring at the screen. peeko von dropov, offensive coach, meerschaum pipe clenched in his teeth, stands leaning on the blackboard. defensive coach morris better is two seats to justin’s left, legs crossed, eating a roast beef sandwich (the beef does not come from hell bovines). consultants ben and eileen dover are seated side by side in the front row, eileen with a cold “38 special” in hand, ben with the remote*

- …absolutely hysterical! Let’s watch it again!
- Ben, I really want to see the rest of the match.
- Can it, Justin. Go ahead and rewind, Ben.
- I vood alzo like to zee dis zilliness vunce again.
- Peeko, don’t encourage this. Ben, really, I need to see the rest of the tape.
- In a minute, Justy, in a minute. I just have to see this again!
- Let him watch it, Justy.
- Morris, if you call me “Justy” one more time, you’ll be on a bus back to Enfield before you finish that sandwich.

*ben has rewound the tape, and hits the “play” button. we’ve moved around behind justin and morris, so we can see better. we see the end of the first half of play between eauz and the hooligans at eauz national stadium*

…maintains possession. There’s a nice pass switching fields. Eauz continues to bring it forward. The Hooligan defense isn’t giving much space. Here’s a pass to the right corner. Hanratty’s marking his man well. And he’s lost him! There’s the cross, then…the header! Pancake leaps and snags it out of the air – he tosses it to Finister, who started the match today in Cromagnons stead. Here comes the Hooligan counter attack. Finster slips the ball to his left, where Paddy takes it – and there’s the whistle ending the half.

Recapping, then, Yosarian got the Hooligans on the board in the 25th minute on a hard hit shot from 12 yards out, with the assist going to Tank. Eauz equalized in the 34th minute on a corner kick headed in at the far post. Knuckles netted the last goal of the half in the 42nd, chipping the Eauz keeper who had come off his line a bit too far.

And here they are, ladies and gentlemen! Your Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders! While lately it seems quite a few governments will not issue the Hooligan Cheerleaders entry visas, that was not a problem here in Eauz. In fact, I was told by someone from the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages who would give her name only as “Margaret” that Eauz actually sent the Cheerleaders entry visas by Guaranteed Overnight Untied Parcel before the Ministry had applied for them.

*the hooligan cheerleaders take the field. well…they try to take the field. as they come out of the tunnel, as the first line hits the pitch, as the last line is clear of the tunnel, a number of things seem to happen all at once. while the tape continues to play at normal speed, it seems as if it’s in slow motion. a group of eauz fans in the seats to the immediate left of the tunnel stand and turn towards the cheerleaders. a group of fans to the right does the same. from the front rows of seats, both left and right, fans pour onto the pitch in front of the cheerleaders, blocking the way. and another group seems to materialize behind the hooligan cheerleaders, blocking retreat into the tunnel. the cheerleaders are – well, they’re surrounded. the announcer -*

Something odd here…why are those fans…where’s security? They shouldn’t…

*simultaneously, the fans surrounding the hooligans take some red things out of their pockets. what are those? no, they couldn’t be! are they? that would be…well, they are, aren’t they? we see that these fans are holding weapons. they are holding –

EVISCERATOMATOS!!

*and, they throw them in perfect unison. the cheerleaders never have a chance. they are absolutely defenseless. as the hundreds of evisceratomatos near the cheerleaders, well before they actually hit them, they explode in wild bursts of deep, deep red. which finish the trip to the cheerleaders. who, in an instant, are covered in exploded evisceratomato, juice dripping, pulp sticking, seeds everywhere. the crowd goes wild. the cheerleaders go numb. the fans surrounding them reach into their apparently very deep pockets, and come forth with more -

EVISCERATOMATOS!!

*the scene described above repeats itself. the hooligan cheerleaders collapse in several red, wet, mushy heaps, the ground beneath them turned burgundy, the air above them a red mist. and, once again, the fans surrounding them reach into those deep pockets, and bring forth –

EVISCERATOMATOS!!

*the hooligan cheerleaders seem to be frozen in time and space. the stadium is rocking with cheers (not lead by the cheerleaders, of course). the band has begun to play. there is dancing in the aisles*

*and then, just as suddenly as it began, it’s over. two teams of eauz security come – one gently detain and remove the fans, the second drags the cheerleaders back into the tunnel and out of sight. in a few moments the only evidence that this onslaught occurred is one single unexploded evisceratomato sitting on the reddened ground*

- I’m telling you, that’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in months! I’ve gotta see it again!
- Ben, please! The rest of the tape. I’ve gotta see the rest…
- Oh, for Pete’s sake man! They play another 45 minutes, and 3 of added time. Hanratty heads in a corner kick in the 82nd minute, and that’s the only other goal. At the end of the match, as we all bloody well know, it’s EAUZ 1 – SNUB NOSE 38 HOOLIGANS 3. It was a nice match.

*peeko von dropov draws on his meerschaum. morris takes a bite of his sandwich. eileen slugs back her beer. ben is re-winding the tape again. justin says -*

- Yes, Ben, it was a nice match. That’s why I want to see the rest of it.

-----------------------------------------------
The Ministry of the Interior and Exterior announced that Prince "M" of Eastman School of Music's appointments for this morning are all cancelled. The Prince, it seems, is sleeping late. This will enable a number of government officials to attend to business they otherwise would have had to forgo. :wink:

*we're standing in a hallway that seems familiar, but we can't quite place it. then, the door to our left opens and we realize we're just outside the offices of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. we see the minister standing looking out the window, a copy of this mornings scuttlebutt in his hand. and over there is margaret, working her magi...oops! no, we can't say that word. ummm...working with her dear rubber chicken. shes' mumbling something about 'supplication' and 'random number gods'.*

- The paper says they won again.
- Yes, they did. Three to one, I believe.
- Somewhere called "Eauz". Is that near Oz?
- I have no idea.
- Well, did they win the cuppy thing yet?
- Could you go out and rent a clue, hmmm?
- But, when do they win the cuppy thing?
- First, they have to qualify. They've almost done that. Then comes the actual tournament. Against the best teams in the world. Winning the "cuppy thing" is not an easy thing.
- They didn't even qualify?
- Do you want me to hurt you again? You have the paper in your hands - look at the sports pages. Find the chart with the results for Group 3.
- Well, I know that! I just don't know what it means.
- If you say just one more stupid thing this morning, I will choke you. See, the Hooligans have 19 points. A win is 3 points, a draw is 1. Since there are only two qualifying matches left, the most any side can get is 6 more points. Now, if the Hooligans get just 1 more point in either of their last two qualifiers, that would give 'em 20 points - and that would mean they qualified.
- And, what if they don't get another point?
- Well, then the might not qualify. In that case, if WNA wins both their remaining matches, and ends up with a goal differential better than the Hooligans, and Giant Zucchini either win 2, or win 1 and draw 1, or win one and end with a goal differential better than the Hooligans, in that remote case, the Hooligans would not qualify.
- So, they qualified, then?
- So, the only thing you use your ears for is to grow potatoes, then?


from the sports pages of this mornings Scuttlebutt
[code:1:8d7d1f35a8]
# Side P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Snub Nose 38 8 6 1 1 16 7 +9 19
2 Giant Zucchini 8 5 1 2 13 6 +7 16
5 WNA 8 4 1 3 12 12 0 13
3 West Ariddia 8 3 1 4 14 18 -4 10
4*Eauz 8 3 0 5 13 16 -3 9
6*Male 18 8 1 0 7 10 19 -9 3

* - eliminated[/code:1:8d7d1f35a8]
Matchday 9
Snub Nose 38 vs West Arridia @ Snub Nose 38
(for tickets, call the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages, and ask for Beverly.)

Matchday 10
Giant Zucchini vs Snub Nose 38 @ Giant Zucchini
(tickets are still available on Snubitron.)

Matchday 9 results have been posted. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1726193#1726193)

TIMWAY QUALIFIES WITH 3-2 VICTORY

Timway has qualified for its second consecutive Cup proper after a 3-2 victory this morning. The Tigers sit atop Group 8 with 19 points. A win or draw against TnUI tomorrow will assure top placing in the group, as would a loss or tie by second place Neolithica.

...as would a loss or tie by second place Neolithica.

[code:1:49e50cebfe]
Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
Timway (31) 9 6 1 2 23 14 +9 19
Antaeus Rising (53) 9 5 2 2 19 12 +7 17
Neolithica 9 4 2 3 14 19 -5 14
Total n Utter Insanity (19) 9 2 4 3 13 13 0 10
Northern Kings (108) 9 1 4 4 9 14 -5 7
New Pavesia 9 0 5 4 10 16 -6 5
[/code:1:49e50cebfe]

:P

Snub Nose 38, Giant Zucchini Qualify!
With one qualifying match to go, the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans and the Giant Zucchini...er...um...Zucchinis have both qualified for World Cup 9. It is still to be determined which side will finish first, and which second, the remaining sides in Group 3 can no longer catch them. The final qualifying match pits these two sides against each other. The Hooligans will take first in the group with a win, a draw, or a loss by one goal. The Zucchinis need to win by 3 goals to take first. Should Giant Zucchini win by 2 goals, Snub Nose 38 would take first based on more "goals for".

Celebrations are underway across the Borderlands of Snub Nose 38, and are expected to last for days!
[code:1:96ca80e717]
# Side P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Snub Nose 38 10 7 1 2 21 10 +11 22
2 Giant Zucchini 10 7 1 2 18 7 +11 22
5*WNA 10 5 1 4 15 15 0 16
4*Eauz 10 4 1 5 16 18 -2 13
3*West Ariddia 10 3 1 6 17 25 -8 10
6*Male 18 10 1 1 8 12 24 -12 4

* - eliminated[/code:1:96ca80e717]
[code:1:96ca80e717]Matchday 1 Matchday 2
Snub Nose 38 2 Male 18 1 WNA 1 Snub Nose 38 4
Giant Zucchini 0 WNA 1 Eauz 0 Giant Zucchini 1
West Ariddia 2 Eauz 1 Male 18 2 West Ariddia 1

Matchday 3 Matchday 4

Snub Nose 38 0 Eauz 1 West Ariddia 0 SN38 1
Giant Zucchini 3 West Ariddia 2 Male 18 0 Giant Zucchini 1
WNA 2 Male 18 1 WNA 1 Eauz 2

Matchday 5 Matchday 6

Snub Nose 38 1 Giant Zucchini 1 Male 18 1 Snub Nose 38 3
West Ariddia 1 WNA 1 WNA 2 Giant Zucchini 1
Eauz 4 Male 18 2 Eauz 4 West Ariddia 5

Matchday 7 Matchday 8

Snub Nose 38 2 WNA 1 Eauz 1 Snub Nose 38 3
Giant Zucchini 2 Eauz 0 West Ariddia 0 Giant Zucchini 4
West Ariddia 3 Male 18 2 Male 18 1 WNA 3

Matchday 9 Matchday 10

Snub Nose 38 5 West Ariddia 2 Giant Zucchini 1 Snub Nose 38 0
Giant Zucchini 4 Male 18 1 WNA 2 West Arridia 1
Eauz 2 WNA 1 Male 18 1 Eauz 1[/code:1:96ca80e717]
----------------------------------------
Rosters have been posted for:
Giant Zucchini
West Arridia
Snub Nose 38

Commerce Heights Defeated by Akbarland, Nobody In Yet For Group 12
AKBARLAND - What started out as a pleasant day in Akbarland for the #54 Bulldogs (5-3-1) turned out to be a nightmare on the pitch. #17 Akbarland (5-2-2) scored 2 goals in the first 20 minutes, and the score remained 0-2 for the remainder of the first half. A 46th-minute goal by Kevin Decker put Commerce Heights on the board, but it wasn't enough to stop the Akbarland team from handing CH its first loss.
Commerce Heights 1 (Decker 46)
Akbarland 2 - FT
Other scores from group 12:
Kingsford 3 Nadaskor 0 - FT
Warnocks Wizards 4 East Spaam 4 - FT
This leaves the Group 12 qualifying table devoid of qualified teams with only 1 game left:
[code:1:064ad31c28]Group 12 P W D L F A GD Pts
Kingsford (30) 9 6 2 1 15 5 +10 20
Commerce Heights (54) 9 5 3 1 15 8 +7 18
Akbarland (17) 9 5 2 2 12 10 +2 17
East Spaam** 9 1 4 4 12 16 -4 7
Nadaskor** 9 2 1 6 11 18 -7 7
Warnocks Wizards** 9 1 2 6 10 19 -9 5
*qualified
**unable to qualify[/code:1:064ad31c28]
Matchday 10 games:
(17) Akbarland at (30) Kingsford winner of this game will qualify
(54) Commerce Heights at East Spaam CH will qualify with win over ES or with Kingsford win over Akbarland
Warnocks Wizards at Nadaskor neither team can qualify
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: vs Warnocks Wizards – W 4-1
Day 2: at Nadaskor – T 2-2
Day 3: at #30 Kingsford – W 1-0
Day 4: vs #17 Akbarland – T 1-1
Day 5: vs East Spaam – W 2-1
Day 6: at Warnocks Wizards – W 1-0
Day 7: vs Nadaskor – W 2-0
Day 8: vs #30 Kingsford – T 1-1
Day 9: at #17 Akbarland – L 1-2
Day 10: at East Spaam
Statistics
[code:1:064ad31c28] Overall WC7 WC8
Games Played 19 10 9
Wins 8 3 5
Draws 6 3 3
Losses 5 4 1
Avg. Opp. Rank 77.4 62.6 93.8
Highest Opp. Rank 17 18 17
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 18 18 30
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.7 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.4 1.8 0.9 gpg
Goal Differential +4 -3 +7[/code:1:064ad31c28]

Mike: Hello everyone, and welcome to BSTV Sports Midday. I'm Mike Green, and today's topic is the World Cup. The ninth round of qualifying matches has concluded, and with one match left, half of the qualifying berths are still up for grabs. With me here is BFA analyst Roger Simpson.

Roger: Good to be here, Mike. An exciting time these qualifiers have turned out to be, eh?

Mike: Well, arguably not here in Bedistan, with our team still resting up for the first round and not competing in the qualifiers. When it starts, though, it's gonna be big.

Roger: Well, in the rest of the world, these qualifiers have produced some surprises. Let's go down the list, shall we?

Mike: I'd be glad to. First up, Group 1.

Roger: Not surprisingly, Runaway Moose top the group, and they have already qualified. Errinundera had some really rough times early on, but they've slowly been working their way back up, and the currently hold the second position in the group. Pavesia is hot on their heels though, behind the longfoots purely on goal differential. Errinundera really needs a win in their final match to have a good chance of going through.

Mike: That's not going to be easy, though. They're playing Runaway Moose, while Pavesia plays Coffee Cup. As much as I'd hate to see the current world champions fail to qualify, my money would have to be on Pavesia.

Roger: What are your thoughts on Group 2?

Mike: Well, Roger, there aren't many thoughts needed, as this group has already been decided. Svecia takes first in the group and Halfassedstates goes through in second. Matchday 10 is irrelevant here.

Roger: True, true. Group 3 is much the same, with Snub Nose 38 and Giant Zucchini already in. Though technically those two teams could battle it out for first place. In fact, they're playing each other in the final match. If the Zucchinis win by three, they will go through in first; otherwise the Hooligans will.

Mike: Giant Zucchini is a great team, but I don't think they'll up Snub Nose by three. It's gotta be SN38 in first, Zucchini in second.

Roger: Well said. How about Group 4?

Mike: Ah, Group 4. This group is more open than any other group with regards to who can get in. Voyger is out, but all five of the other teams have a shot. What's more, the top three -- Audioslavia, Quohog, and the BlackEagle Corporation -- all have fourteen points. It's almost certainly going to be two out of those three, but which two?

Roger: Well, the matchups here make it really interesting. BlackEagle plays #47 Demonic Beings, and I don't think the Corporation will win that one. However, Audioslavia and Quohog play each other. All the same, though, I'd have to put Audio and Quohog at the top, though I'll admit BlackEagle has a very good chance here.

Mike: Group 5, Roger?

Roger: Squornshelous has already been in for a couple days. The question is, who will take second place? Europa Brittania or Alasdair I Frosticus? Britannia plays Squornshelous next, and Frosticus plays Ineptia. This could go either way.

Mike: Well, I personally think Brittania will hold their own here. There's not much to say for Group 6 -- Oddslavo wins the group, with One Red Dot qualifying in second. How about 7?

Roger: The Belmore Family has won this group, and Tanah Burung and Jacktazea are fighting for second. With the Crocodiles playing the Belmore Family and Jacktazea playing bottom-of-the-group Jadonopolos, this is another one that could go either way.

Mike: Well, ever since they ditched Ab Francisco, Tanah Burung has made a bit of a comeback. Ab was a great player, but he apparently didn't quite work as a coach. I think the Crocs will carry their momentum and carry the day tomorrow.

Roger: I don't know if I'd agree with you about that, but I guess we'll see. How does Group 8 look?

Mike: It's Timway and Antaeus Rising. I don't see Neolithica gaining the necessary ground in tomorrow's match. Big surprise in this group has to be TnUI. Ranked 19th in the world, but they are officially eliminated as of today. I'm quite certain they've never failed to qualify before. Quite a shame.

Roger: Indeed. In Group 9, Dennisov has qualified, and I have a strong feeling Nikea will hold on to second. Gesamtkuntswerk has a chance, but I don't know if they'll defeat Dennisov. I'd say not.

Mike: Nothing has changed in Group 10 over the last couple days. Bullonien, Ravenspire, and Dark Outcasts will divide the two spots among them. I say Bullonien and Ravenspire, though if Ravenspire falls to the Outcasts tomorrow, it's over for them.

Roger: The Lowland Clans have qualified in Group 11. I think God Squad will probably take second, though Busby does still have a chance.

Mike: Group 12 is a toughie. Akbarland plays Kingsford and Commerce Heights plays East Spaam tomorrow. I think Kingsford and CH will just hold on to the top two spots, though you can bet Akbarland will not go down without a fight.

Roger: Group 13: Lemmitania first, Ariddia second. Period.

Mike: Liverpool England goes through in Group 14, most likely at the top of the group. Gilmeecia will probably keep second, as they play Consumer Engineering, who has the worst record (1-0-8) in qualifying. Pure Evil plays Liverpool.

Roger: And finally, Group 15. Spaam's huge win over Aquilla today knocks the latter team from first all the way down to fourth. I think Spaam and Haraki will go through.

Mike: Fifteen places secured, fifteen still up for grabs. Who will take them? We'll find out tomorrow. Until then, I'm Mike Green for Roger Simpson, saying so long from BSTV Sports Midday.

Fútbol Wrapup: World Cup Qualifying

Mike White: Hey folks, fútbol fans and people who are generally just flipping channels. It's Fútbol Wrapup here on the Central Oglethorpian News Network and matchday 9's concluded.

Murray Witcombe: CON?

Mike: Aye.

Murray: What an image. Mike White on CON.

Mike: Hrm.

Murray: So, the 1901 National Team's played three games that we've yet to cover.

Mike: Blame the telivision guys. Bogging things down for us.

Murray: Let's start with matchday six.

Mike: 4-1 loss to Oddslavo.

Murray: Matchday seven.

Mike: 3-1 loss to One Red Dot.

Murray: Eight.

Mike: Win! Over Chronos Prime, 4 to 2.

Murray: And matchday nine, bringing us up to par.

Mike: Defeat of Dead Man 3-2, George Silva with the hat trick; earned a penalty kick, that was the first goal in the 29th minute. He'd score the last two with a header and a lucky cross from out of the box.

Murray: Good for him.

George Silva: You mean me.

Murray: Where'd you come from?

George: I've been here the whole time.

Mike: He's been here the whole time.

George: I just said that.

Mike: Well...uhm...Murray's slow.

Murray: Hmmm, anyways.

Mike: Hold on, we've got something on the telivision feed in the other room. I've got to take off for a minute. Or two. Or, three. Hours, that is. Because we've got an issue on our hands!

Murray: Riiiight. Now, George. What's it like being moved through time like you have been?

George: What?

Murray: You were brought 102 years into the future.

George: You're shitting me.

Murray: ...no.

George: What the hell?

Murray: No one told you?

George: As it were, no.

Murray: So uhm, how about your diving skills?

George: What?

Murray: Diving. It gets you a yellow card if you're called on it.

George: That isn't a penalty.

Murray: Yes it is.

George: Not when I played.

Murray: Ohh...right.

George: Yep.

Murray: Well, since this is going nowhere...thanks to George Silva for joining us in the studio. For the absent Mike White, i'm Murray Witcombe, good night, folks.

George: It's 8:48 in the morning.

Murray: Too bad.

The Lundcastle Informer

Mike White raises more [near] identity theft charges
Mike White of the Central Oglethorpian Sports Network raises charges against yet another World Cup commentator

"This is just getting out of hand," White said from his home on Mulberry Hill in Lundcastle. "We've got so many Mikes and Michaels with colors as last names, and i'm getting fed up with it. People are going to get confused here soon if any more of these cookie-cutter commentators popup." Many of you recall that a few weeks ago stories were run concerning Mike White's case against Ravenspiran newscaster Michael Black.

The White-Black case has gone nowhere, and to add to it Mike White is now embroiled in the soon-to-be White-Green case.

Said his lawyer when contacted about the second suit: "My client has every right to protect his identity as he is now. Viewers should not have to try and discern which Mike is what, and what color he is; I will stand by Mike White through thick and thin in these suits. Frankly, there's too many Mikes with colors for last names coming out of the woodwork. What's next, Mike Gray?"

Central Oglethorpian Sports Network takes gamble with new commentator
COSN adds new broadcaster to lineup to broadcast Northern Premier League games

Earlier this week it was reported that the Central Oglethorpian Sports Network has hired on a young commentator of 24 years of age. Mike Gray will not commentate on the network till World Cup 8 comes to a close and yet another season of Oglethorpian club fútbol gets going again. "It's going to be great to be working on such a prestigious network, with such names as Murray Witcombe, and his other dude," said Gray about being on the COSN.

More as it comes.

Scuttlebutt - Evening Edition

Mike?
Sten, Snub Nose 38

A few weeks ago we brought you the story of Oglethorpian Sportscaster Mike White's lawsuit against Sportscaster Mike Black of Ravenspire for identity theft. That suit is still being contended. And now Mike White's attorney has announced that a suit also charging identity theft will be filled against Mike Green, a Sportscaster in Bedistan.

Mr. White's attorney, when questioned about the suits, said, "My client has every right to protect his identity as he is now. Viewers should not have to try and discern which Mike is what, and what color he is; I will stand by Mike White through thick and thin in these suits. Frankly, there's too many Mikes with colors for last names coming out of the woodwork. What's next, Mike Gray?"

ASPN Sportscaster Mike Grey was not available for comment. An attorney on retainer to Asteroid Sports Network was careful to note that the ASPN employee spells his name with an "e", not an "a".

The Columbia Times
South Bedistan's Premier News Source
Sunday Edition
þ4.95 - Sunday, December 8, 2013

Hey, Mike? No, Not You, the Other Mike.

COLUMBIA, FD -- Mike Green, host of "BSTV Sports Midday" on Bedistan Sports Television (BSTV), was presented with a lawsuit today.

The suit, filed by Mike White of Oglethorpia, accuses Green of identity theft.

"Identity theft my ass," commented Green's lawyer. "All we have to do is show this Mr. White Mr. Green's birth certificate, which plainly states that Mike Green has had that name from the day he was born, and that he did not 'copy' White's name. That's just preposterous."

This is not the first time Mike White has made such an accusation. Just a few weeks ago, White, an Oglethorpian fútbol commentator, filed a similar suit against Michael Black of Ravenspire. Black, who works for RNN, has provided World Cup coverage in his nation for two decades.

White supposedly believes that all football commentators with the first name of "Mike" or "Michael" are attempting to copy him or steal the spotlight from him.

To make matters worse, another Mike with a color for a last name has appeared in Oglethorpia. Mike Gray was recently hired by the Central Oglethorpian Sports Network. As yet, White has not filed a suit against Gray, but we expect that to change very shortly.

But that's not the end of it. Astoundingly, another Mike has popped up -- in the Borderlands of Snub Nose 38. Mike Grey (with an 'e' as opposed to COSN's Gray with an 'a') has recently made his presence known. Litigation will likely commence throughout the world very shortly.

Mike Green himself was unavailable for comment on the ordeal.

The Lundcastle Informer

Third lawsuit? Yes!
Mike White files libel suit against the Columbia Times of Bedistan

"That newspaper article clearly attacks my client's credentials," stated White's attourney Cletus Birkmaier. This is the third lawsuit filed over the course of the lawsuit, first started by the identity theft lawsuit with Michael Black of Ravenspire, then with Mike Green of Bedistan and finally a libel lawsuit against the Columbia Times, a Bedistani paper. "'The Columbia Times' puts it as if Mike White is some new commentator who appeared on the World Cup-broadcasting scene overnight; fact is, Mr. White has 19 years of broadcasting experience."

White could not be reached for comment from his home on Mulberry Hill. White and Co. are supposedly seeking financial compensation of the issue with the Columbia Times. "Settlement amount is set at 6 million Pachinkos," stated Berkmaier. (1 P = 1 USD) We'll bring you updates as they come. And believe us, they will come, fast and furious.

Yey, I qualify. Ummm... well, yey.

DAILY CROCODILE

"Nail-biter"

By Mau White, cub reporter

w00t!

It was, like, really kewl. After they were almost taken for dead, the Crocodiles of Tanah Burung sprung back to life. They slam-dunked Zinkoland and, hey, they're back in second place. Maybe they'll even qualify!

Sexy centrefielder Canabe Livit got two goals. They were almost as pretty as her! She's a babe lol! And two other guys scored too. The Zinkolandic team got a goal, but nuts to them, we won 4-1!

I asked Coach Guntur Ruak for a comment, but i didn't understand him, so i'll just say: right on, coach! The whole country loves you! But if you lose, well maybe we'll pelt you with eggs. We're a fickle bunch, eh?

Hey, speaking of pelting, did you see the ambush of those Hooligan Cheerleaders? Hahaha! Best ever! Coach had a comment on that: "Red, for the blood of the martured heroes of the revolution. Black asphalt on the ground of Eauz. Yellow, the sun beating down. These are the colours of our flag, the colours of freedom." Yeah, what ever, coach. They were all red with evisceratomato juice! roflmao!!!1

!!!!1!!!!!!

Anyhoo, next match against that country where everyone has the same name. That's tough, i hear they're pretty good. Maybe coach can lead us to three in a row and into the Cup! That would be kewl. If not, well, let's just say i've got a few evisceratomatoes left for coach. Hahahaha!!

Final score:
Tanah Burung 4 Zinkoland 1
(Cavaco 12, van Esterik 25, Livit 45, 77)

Commerce Heights Chronicle - Special International Issue
Commerce Heights Sportscaster Refuses To Go On The Air After Oglethorpian Lawsuits
NAQUADA FALLS, CH - Manhattanite sportscaster Michael Orange refused to appear on his weekly television show, "Inside the CHFL" [OOC: Commerce Heights (American) Football League], for fear of having a lawsuit filed against him by Oglethorpian sportscaster Mike White. White has already filed lawsuits against Michael Black of Ravenspire and Mike Green of Bedistan for identity theft, and has now filed a lawsuit against the Columbia Times for libel after its report on the situation. Mike Gray was recently hired by the Central Oglethorpian Sports Network, and White is expected to file another lawsuit against him, as well as one against Mike Grey of Snub Nose 38. As many already know, Commerce Heights' extreme capitalist nature makes it an excellent place to find good lawyers, and Orange is not expected to be found guilty of identity theft should a lawsuit be filed.
Many CHFL fans were disappointed to find that the show would not be aired, since CHFL news is far less important than World Cup news to most media companies. For those that haven't been able to find them, today's scores were:
CH Zephyrs 24 NM Harbour 21
Verona Dragons 63 St. Raphael 7
Naquada Falls 7 CH Lions 6
New Seoul 17 Verona Jaguars 14 - OT
Ft. Pagaye 9 Lexington AFB 7
Kitsilano 30 Werteimann 14
Lexington 14 Florence 10
Forever Young 42 Christiana 17

Down to the Wire
Group ten still not decided

This year's World Cup qualifying matches have taken a suspenseful turn, as a last-minute surge placed Bullonien atop the group standings, beginning with a 2-0 defeat of Ravenspire's national team. The Ravens, which were still suffering from the loss due to injury of striker Kaede Kitsuki, stumbled early in the match, allowing a goal within the first ten minutes of the game. The weakened offense failed to recover, and a second goal before the half cemented the game, leading to the Ravens' first loss.

Today's match against Anti-Nazis saw the Ravens, still lacking their star striker, in somewhat better form. Zhen Sui-Ling scored the match's only goal late in the first half, off a corner by Arawn Frost. A second win by the Bullonien side kept them in first place among the group, with Ravenspire one point behind them but one ahead of top seeds Dark Outcasts.

The Ravens face Dark Outcasts tomorrow in a decisive match. A win or draw ensures qualification, while a loss will see the team missing the Cup proper for only the second time in their history.

Goals:
vs. Bullonien: none
vs. Anti-Nazis: Zhen Sui-Ling (39)

Black Sees Red over White at Green, Grey

RNN sports commentator Michael Black, embroiled in a legal battle over matters of name, identity, and image with Oglethorpian commentator Mike White, today issued a statement condemning White for his lawsuits, which have now spread to include other sportscasters named Michael or Mike. "See, it's one of those slippery slope thingies," Black said. "You might've thought it was just me. But you'd be wrong, wouldn't you? Now the man is after people like [Bedistani] Mike Green and maybe even [Oglethorpia's] own Mike Grey, saying they're imitating him. And clearly, they're not; they're taking after me. But that's not the point. The point is, [White] is obviously delusional."

When it was pointed out that Mike Grey was in fact a Snub Nose 38 citizen, and Oglethorpia's new sportscaster was Mike Gray, Black said, "What, they're not the same person?"

DUBBEL PSOT

The Lundcastle Informer

More libel?
Mike-Mike-Mike-Mike debate fueled by new Ravenspiran article

The debate, slander and vicious lawsuits spread to Commerce Heights today as [American] football commentator Michael Orange went into hiding, fearing for the safety of his financial assets. When Mike White's attourney Cletus Birkmaier was asked if a second libel lawsuit was going to be filed against the paper who published the recent article from Ravenspire, Birkmaier said "we'll take these issues as they come." No court has heard the Black-White case, and the outcome of that may greatly affect success or failure in the Green-White case.

OOC: This is going to sound dumb, but how many teams qualify?

OOC: This is going to sound dumb, but how many teams qualify?

30, plus the two hosts (which autoqualified). So there are a total of 32 in the first round.

The Cow Herald
The Victory That Came Too Late

Today, on the 9th matchday of this world cup, The Milkers won against Consumer Engineering. The match result was 1-0, the only goal made by Ron Goldenspots at 13' of the first part. This victory was good for the moral of the team, but came too late, as the chances of qualifying are practically unexistant.
Anyway, Goldenspots seems to have recovered in this match. In the last matchs he seemed to be playing awfully, but in this match he was seen more confident and relaxed, probably because this time nobody was chasing him with a fork and a knife to eat him.
The team coach declared that, althought the team played well, the victory was possible mainly because consumer engineering's players were mainly concerned about their actions in the corporation and not in the game itself.
Overall, this was a gratifying victory and a wave of fresh air for our tired team.

Cosmo Penbovine, special reporter on WC8

Poo, I tied with a nonexistant nation.

Poo, I tied with a nonexistant nation.

Heh, I bet you're in the Cup for sure - next game probably doesn't matter.

I mean, unless you really care about getting an awesome goal difference.

ODDSLAVO LOSE TO CHRONOS PRIME WITH RESERVE TEAM, LIVERPOOL ENGLAND QUALIFY WITH ONE GAME TO SPARE, TOTAL n UTTER INSANITY ELIMINATED

Liverpool England 1 (player own goal 25th)
Yentrofina 0
LE have 21 points, Gilmeecia 18, Pure Evil 17. A Pure Evil win (which means Liverpool England lose) would give them 20 points, thus putting LE out of reach.


Oddslavo 0
Chronos Prime 2 (player 6th, 48th penalty)

OOC: Will be absent on following days:

07 Oct
09 Oct
13 Oct
14 Oct
15 Oct
16 Oct
17 Oct
08 Oct*
10 Oct*

* On 8 and 10 October I might or might not make it.

OOC: I'm baaaa-aaaack!

So Spaam won 5 nil against Aquilla to put them to the top of the table for probably the first time in Spaam's Qualifying history. However, Spaam has not been guaranteed a spot yet, and we will look at all the groups next. In other news, East Spaam came back from 3 nil down to scrape through with a 4 all draw against Warnocks Wizards, one of the highest scoring matches ever. Now we'll see who has qualified and who is out in the World Cup Qualifiers....

Group 1

Runaway Moose is through, and will keep the top spot. Errinundera will almost certainly go through if they win, will go through if they draw and Pavesia draws or loses, and will almost certainly go through if both they and Pavesia lose. Otherwise, the Champions are out, and Pavesia is through.

Group 2

Svecia and Halfassedstates are through in that order.

Group 3

Snub Nose 38 and Giant Zucchini are through, and in that order unless Giant Zucchini win by at least 3.

Group 4

The Group from Hell....
Audioslavia will get through if they win or draw.
Quohog will get through if they win, or if they draw and Black Eagle and Demonic Beings draw.
Black Eagle will get through if they win, or if they draw unless Audioslavia and Quohog draw.
Demonic Beings will get through if they win.
Whoever wins the Audioslavia vs Quohog match will get the top spot, unless they draw, in which case, Demonic Beings will get the top spot if they win, and Audioslavia otherwise.

Group 5

Squornshelous is through, and will keep the top spot. If Europa win, they will go through. If Europa draw, then they will go through unless Alasdair wins by at least 2. If Europa lose, they will go through as long as Alasdair draws or loses. Otherwise Alasdair will go through.

Group 6

Oddslavo and One Red Dot are through and in that order.

Group 7

TBF are unfortunately through and will keep the top spot. If Tanah wins, they will go through. If Tanah draws, then they will go through if Jactazea draw or lose. If Tanah loses, then they will go through if Jactazea lose, or if Jactazea draws and Tanah loses by no more than 2. Otherwise Jactazea are through.

Group 8

Neolithica can mathematically go through, but they won't. Timway and Antaeus Rising are through, and in that order unless Timway loses and Antaeus wins, or Timway draws and Antaeus wins by at least 3.

Group 9

Dennisov is through and will keep the top spot. If Nikea win, they will go through. If Nikea draw or lose, then they will go through as long as Gesamtkuntswerk draws or loses. Otherwise Gesamtkuntswerk is through.

Group 10

Bullonien is through, and will keep the top spot if they win, or if they draw and Ravenspire draws with Dark Outcasts. Ravenspire is through, unless they lose to Dark Outcasts, in which case Dark Outcasts are through.

Group 11

The Lowland Clans is through and will keep the top spot. If God Squad win, they will go through. If God Squad draw, then they will go through unless Busby wins by at least 3. If God Squad lose, they will go through as long as Busby draws or loses. Otherwise Busby will go through.

Group 12

Kingsford is through unless Commerce Heights wins and Kingsford lose to Akbarland by at least 4. Commerce Heights are through if they win, or if they draw and Kingsford wins or draws. Akbarland are through if they win and Commerce Heights draws or loses, or if Akbarland beats Kingsford by at least 4. Kingsford will keep the top spot if they win, or if they draw and Commerce Heights wins by less than 3.

Group 13

Lemmitania and Ariddia are through and in that order.

Group 14

Liverpool England are through and will keep the top spot if the win or draw, or if they lose and Gilmeecia draws or loses. If Gilmeecia wins, they will go through. If Gilmeecia draws, then they will go through if Pure Evil draw or lose. If Gilmeecia loses, then they will go through if Pure Evil lose, or if Pure Evil draws and Gilmeecia loses by no more than 1. Otherwise, Pure Evil is though.

Group 15

And here is the group to watch out for.
If Spaam wins, they will go through and keep the top spot. If Spaam draws, they will go through, and keep the top spot if Sliponia draws or loses. If Spaam loses, they will go through if Sliponia draws or loses. Otherwise, Spaam is out.
Sliponia will only go through if they win, or if they draw and Spaam beats Haraki. Sliponia will get the top spot only if they win and Spaam loses to Haraki.
Haraki will go through if they win, or if they draw, Sliponia lose by at least 4, and Aquilla draws or loses. Haraki will get the top spot only if they win and Sliponia draws or loses.
Aquilla will go through only if they win, Spaam beats Haraki, and Sliponia loses.

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini is through to the World Cup after thumping Male 18 4-1 in the Giant Zucchini National Stadium. Several key players were rested, such as Urk, Kerrnigit, and Oog. Despite that, we still managed to put in an extraordinary performance. Now all eyes will be on the final qualifying match against Snub Nose 38, who has also qualified. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "I'm torn between choosing a solid squad and risk injuries in the real cup, or just putting out a reserve side and putting our reputation on the line. I don't know, I'll decide later. But this is a great result for our team and it's good to know that we have confirmed our place in the World Cup. I think we have a decent shot at it this year."

Sorry not to have been too active so far this cup.

First, belated congratulations to Lemmitania.

Second, I've just unpacked my new computer and screen and, even before installing Office, I've made sure I've got an internet connection going. Woohoo! Here I am, to sort of quote one of my regional neighbours, who is not a client nation.

Looks like we're down to the wire (as usual).

Things are going fast, heh.

Glad to know that you've got things setup, Erri. Qualifying's lookin' good for you, so you better do plenty of RPing in the first round :wink:

Congratulations to Lemmy??

Oh, and TM Erri....

*wakes up after loooooooooong sleep* *yawns* *looks at WC standings* YES!!!! FIRST TIME I'VE MADE IT IN!!!! And with no losses too :P

Oh, and congrats Lemmy :D:D:D:D

~goes to buy a 10 foot teddy bear~

Scuttlebutt - Morning Edition

Revised Roster Raises Ruckus
Giant Zucchini aspn wire filed by mike grey

This morning Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Manager Justin Case released his roster for the final qualifying match with Giant Zucchini. It does not include a single member of the normal starting eleven. This move took everyone by surprise.

"We've already qualified," Case said, "and we've had these players on the squad all along. Yes, some of them have subbed-in a game here and there, but some of them have yet to take the pitch. Here's there chance to pick up a cap, and show us what they can do at this level of play."

Hooligans Captain, Knuckles, said he was a bit upset. "The regular lads 'll be disappointed. These Zucchinis held us to a draw earlier on, and the lads 'av been lookin' to take 'em on again."

"It's really a question of rest." said Ben Dover, Consultant to Hooligan Management. "We're about to move up a notch, and take on the best of the best in the world. These guy's have played their hearts out to get here, and deserve to enter World Cup 8 play rested and ready."

"It just would've been nice if they'd told us a bit sooner," the Hooligans normal starting keeper, Pancake, said. "It's ok an' all that the other guys get a cap, and a chance ta play a full match. But, it's kind of a shock, ya know?"

"We really want to take first in our group," insisted Morris Better, Hooligan Defensive Coach. "But, I mean, we tied 'em first shot through, and they'd have to beat us by 3 to take first. We really think the regular fellas could use the rest, and we think these eleven can handle it. We've still got 3 substitutions per game, don't we? We're confident about this choice."

"Bugger!" said Malicious, one of the replaced starting eleven. "It's flippin' stoopid! We could beat them Zucchinis, but no, they put us on the shelf an' send in a bunch o' gobbers!"

"Gobbers, eh? Come on out back, Mal, an' we'll just see who's gobbers," offered Yosarian, who will be starting in place of Malicious. "Just come out back. I'll give ya..."

Malicious and Yosarian were quickly hustled away - in different directions - and the press conference ended. Here's a glance at the roster, showing the eleven who will start, and the eleven they're replacing.
[code:1:bb55b0c0a5]
Position Starting Regular Starter

Keeper Crepe Pancake

Defender Pooter Tranquility
Defender Schlep Yodel
Defender Sweetroll Hanratty

Midfield Buster Knuckles
Midfield Brady Neanderthal
Midfield Nickles Finster
Midfield Bevis Cromagnon

Forward Pinky Tank
Forward Yosarian Malicious
Forward Duster Paddy

Bevis will wear the Captains armband to start the match[/code:1:bb55b0c0a5]
"mike grey" is a registered trademark

The Freedom Papers – Evening Edition

Reserve Team Still Don't Cut It

Head Coach Alvin Ker's decided to give the main team a rest today after he had sent the whole reserve team into the match against The Weegies after being able to qualify regardless of the results. When interviewed earlier, he said "it's okay to let loose a bit. The ol' guys need a rest and I've still yet to provide the reserve team an opportunity at an international match. But I won't be so lenient next match against Oddslavo. I've yet to return a loss to them." However, due to the loss, ORD will be unable to gain first place, much to the disappointment of the nation.

The final score was 0-2 and it gave them one more loss to ORD. Also, in another upset match, Oddslavo lost to Chronos Prime 0-2.

The final match will be against Oddslavo at Oddslavo and Alvin Ker feels that this is time for revenge.

WCVIII Group 6 Qualifying Table:
[code:1:0948019534]Q/E Group 6 (Day 8) P W D L F A GD Pts
Qlf 35 Oddslavo 9 7 1 1 20 8 +12 22
Qlf 16 One Red Dot 9 6 0 3 16 11 +5 18
Elm 1900s Oglethorpia 9 4 0 5 20 23 -3 12
Elm 68 The Weegies 9 3 2 4 12 14 -2 11
Elm 107 Dead Man 9 3 1 5 16 19 -3 10
Elm Chronos Prime 9 2 0 7 10 19 -9 6[/code:1:0948019534]

ORD World Cup Record:
[code:1:0948019534]World Cup WC4 WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8(based on qualifiers up to Day 9)
Matches Played 9 10 17 13 9

Wins 3 5 9 9 6
Draws 3 0 7 1 0
Losses 3 5 1 3 3

Goals For 9 17 31 31 16
Average GF 1.00 1.70 1.82 2.38 1.78
Goals Against 10 16 16 9 11
Average GA 1.11 1.60 0.94 0.69 1.22
Goal Diff. –1 +1 +15 +22 +5
Average GD -0.11 0.11 0.88 1.69 0.56

Total Matches 9 19 36 49 58

Accumulated GF 9 26 57 88 104
Ave. Acc. GF 1.00 1.37 1.58 1.80 1.79
Accumulated GA 10 26 42 51 62
Ave. Acc. GA 1.11 1.37 1.17 1.04 1.07
Accumulated GD -1 0 +15 +37 +42
Ave. Acc. GD -0.11 0 0.42 0.76 0.72

Average Opp. Rank 64.67 65.20 52.80 53.38 102.00
Highest Opp. Rank 12 5 8 7 35
Lowest Opp. Rank 100 100 100 100 150

Pre-Match Rank 100 27 30 22 16

*Rounding-ups/downs may cause calculative errors in the table.[/code:1:0948019534]


Match Fixture for Day 10
Oddslavo (35) v One Red Dot (16) @ Oddslavo

Ufwurz Furious with Goalkeepers

Warnocks Wizards fall at home 3-0 to Akbarland

From our news services...

Matchday 8, The Tower, New Orthanc–The national team fell 3-0 at home to 17th ranked Akbarland last night, leaving Manager Ufwurz the Furious disgusted with his goalkeeping. Prior to kickoff but after the starting lineups had been handed to the fourth official, starting goalkeeper Ishhak the Smasher smashed and broke his toenail on his goalpost while performing his traditional warmup rituals. Caretaker managers Gutkrut the Wretched and Bazzag the Wicked (Manager Ufwurz the Furious being exiled to the stands after yet another suspension from FIFA.) were thus forced into making one of their three substitutions before the match even started. Goalkeeper Globtakh the Meek took to the goal without having a chance to warmup. It was then inevitable that the visitors Akbarland scored on the first shot of the game in the third minute. Play shortly thereafter settled down with the Red and White Wizards slowly starting to stamp their authority on the game. Winger Akhklash the Paunch wasted a golden opportunity in the 18th minute when he blasted a shot over the goal after an excellent through ball by counterpart Bagdreg the Mauler. Just when they looked to be settling down, the home team, or rather the substitute goalkeeper conceded a silly goal. Globtakh the Meek failed to deal with an easy corner kick, missing it completely and letting it trickle into the net to make the score 2-0 on 24 minutes. The home crowd of 32,152 was silenced but for one man: Manager Ufwurz the Furious. The Furious one bellowed his criticism of his Meek goalkeeper, who could then be seen to be breaking down on the pitch. After the next stoppage in play, team psychiatrist Skaialuk the Insane rushed onto the pitch and signaled to the management team that goalkeeper Globtakh the Meek was finished and had a mental breakdown. In the 26th minute, the caretakers then incredibly brought on diminutive striker Mersnik the Cruel to play in goal. The game settled down with both sides trading chances and Mersnik looking spry on his goal line. Just after the second half kicked off, the Wizards conceded their third when goalkeeper Mersnik, seemingly forgetting he was playing in goal lined up as a striker. The visitors, seeing the goal empty, scored immediately after they kicked off. Manager Ufwurz was livid and screamed down to his assistants to change goalkeepers. Versatile defender Ghazukh the Burner moved into goal from right back after defender Ufdush the Nasty replaced the hapless Mersnik the Cruel. After scoring their third goal, Akbarland mercifully sat back and defended their lead, walking out deserved 3-0 winners.

Warnocks Wizards: Ishhak the Smasher (Globtakh the Meek 0, Mersnik the Cruel 26, Ufdush the Nasty 46), Grimbrug the Basher, Mausnik the Cruel, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Gromdul the Gasher, Bagdreg the Mauler, Akhklash the Paunch, Ghazghash the Sleazy, Gabdul the Looter, Ishklash the Pug-nose.

Unused substitutes: Bublok the Destroyer, Globdreg the Destroyer.

Warnocks Wizards next match is at home against East Spaam. The match will be played at New Orthanc United’s The Tower.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

Warnocks Wizards Draw with East Spaam in a Thriller

Wizards come back to win a point on Ghazukh's Screamer of a Goal

From our news services...

Matchday 9, The Tower, New Orthanc–Spectators and viewers alike were treated to a thrilling 4-4 draw between the national team and East Spaam last night. With both teams already eliminated from qualifying for the World Cup, the fans were treated to a goal fest. Manager Ufwurz the Furious, now back from suspension, made several changes to his starting lineup from Matchday 8. With No.1 goalkeeper Ishhak the Smasher only available for emergency duty because of a broken toenail, and with No. 2 goalkeeper Globtakh the Meek convalescing at New Rivendell thanks to his mental breakdown in last week’s match with Akbarland, No.3 goalkeeper Krumsnik the Paunch was set for his international debut. Also given starts were left back Ghaztrak the Gouger, defensive midfielder Bublok the Destroyer, and left winger Durbret the Choker. The new players started brightly and contributed to the opening goal of the match in the 8th minute. Bublok won the ball in midfield, passed it immediately to Durbret who laid it off to the overlapping Ghaztrak, who crossed it first time onto the head of Gabdul the Looter. Wizards 1, East Spaam 0. Fifteen minutes later, the Red and White Wizards doubled their lead. Bagdreg the Mauler, playing in the hole behind the strikers, sent a beautiful through ball to the onrushing Ishklash the Pug-nose who finished clinically, setting the home crowd of 32,153 into raptures. The home crowd could not believe their fortunes when their side made it 3-0 on 41 minutes. Mausnik the Cleaver’s header from a corner was initially saved by the East Spaam goalkeeper, but the rebound fell to Akhklash the Paunch, who smashed one home. The Wizards marched off to a standing ovation at halftime thanks to their three goal lead.

As well as the Red and White Wizards played in the first half, they struggled in the second half. The match began to unravel just two minutes after half time when East Spaam converted a scoring chance on the rebound after debutante goalkeeper Krumsnik had made a nice save. East Spaam scored a second on a penalty kick just ten minutes later. Durbret the Choker was ajudged to have choked an East Spaam player in the box, and was red carded. The penalty was scored easily, and the Wizards were forced to try to hold on to a one goal lead with ten men. East Spaam took control and scored two more goals in the next twenty minutes and incredibly took a 4-3 lead. Manager Ufwurz the Furious, having been lectured this last week by Sports Minister Ufhur the Hated to be more positive and constructive in dealing with his team, encouraged the lads not to give up from the sidelines. He then brought on target man Globdreg the Destroyer in an attempt to add some muscle to the front line. This timely change led directly to the tieing goal, scored in injury time in amazing circumstances. Globdreg controlled a 50-50 ball onto the boot of Bagdreg the Mauler. His shot was blocked and fell to defender Ghazukh the Burner, some forty yards from goal. Ghazukh, realising that time was running out, cracked one on the volley from forty yards into the far upper corner of the net, leading to pandemonium celebrations by the squad and the remaining crowd. Rather than continue the match, the referee blew for full time after a brief pitch invasion was cleared from the field. While not coming away with all three points, this match will be remembered fondly for a long time by Warnocks Wizardites, if for nothing else than the cracker scored by Ghazukh at full time. Warnocks Wizards 4, East Spaam 4.

Warnocks Wizards: Krumsnik the Pauch, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Bublok the Destroyer, Durbret the Choker, Akhklash the Paunch, Bagdreg the Mauler (Ghazghash the Sleazy 80), Gabdul the Looter (Globdreg the Destroyer 80), Ishklash the Pug-nose.

Unused substitutes: Ishhak the Smasher, Grimbrug the Basher, Ashmazh the Tough.

Warnocks Wizards final match of qualifying for World Cup 8 is away at Nadaskor.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

Congratulations to Lemmy??

Remember the announcement earlier? Lem has become a father for the second time. :D

Today in a press conference, the manager gave this statement.

"I know this hasn't been our best run throughout the world cup, but i request that our players give it their all. To do one final push to make it through. Last world cup we did really well, but fate has been against us. We will give it our all and we promise that our next match will be an great match. We would also like to wish the other countries in the world cup the best of luck.

Thank you."

Commerce Heights Unable To Defeat East Spaam, Still Qualify For Cup
EAST SPAAM - Although the #54 Bulldogs (5-4-1) didn't manage to finish off the qualifiers with the win they needed to ensure qualification, they still managed to slip through after #30 Kingsford's (7-2-1) 1-0 win over #17 Akbarland (5-2-3). East Spaam was excited to play in a game that could have decided Group 12, although it did not.
(54) Commerce Heights 2 (Quigley 29, Decker 35)
(UR) East Spaam 2 - FT
[code:1:9fd9a449b2]Group 12 P W D L F A GD Pts
Kingsford (30)* 10 7 2 1 16 5 +11 23
Commerce Heights (54)* 10 5 4 1 17 10 +7 19
Akbarland (17) 10 5 2 3 12 11 +1 17
East Spaam 10 1 5 4 14 17 -3 8
Warnocks Wizards 10 2 2 6 12 19 -7 8
Nadaskor 10 2 1 7 11 20 -9 7
*qualified[/code:1:9fd9a449b2]
Football fans across Commerce Heights and #5 Bedistan (0-0-0, co-host) are excitedly awaiting the group draws, hoping to find the Bulldogs in a group that they can win.
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: vs Warnocks Wizards – W 4-1
Day 2: at Nadaskor – T 2-2
Day 3: at #30 Kingsford – W 1-0
Day 4: vs #17 Akbarland – T 1-1
Day 5: vs East Spaam – W 2-1
Day 6: at Warnocks Wizards – W 1-0
Day 7: vs Nadaskor – W 2-0
Day 8: vs #30 Kingsford – T 1-1
Day 9: at #17 Akbarland – L 1-2
Day 10: at East Spaam – T 2-2
Day 11: vs ??? at ???
Day 12: vs ??? at ???
Day 13: vs ??? at ???
Statistics
[code:1:9fd9a449b2] Overall WC7 WC8
Games Played 20 10 10
Wins 8 3 5
Draws 7 3 4
Losses 5 4 1
Avg. Opp. Rank 81.0 62.6 99.4
Highest Opp. Rank 17 18 17
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 18 18 30
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.7 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.4 1.8 1.0 gpg
Goal Differential +4 -3 +7[/code:1:9fd9a449b2]

Scuttlebutt - Evening Edition

Snub Nose Second Squad Sinks
Giant Zucchini aspn wire filed by mike grey

This morning we reported that the Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Manager Justin Case was changing his starting line-up for the final qualifying match with Giant Zucchini. Instead of the normal starting eleven, the Hooligans would field the entire second squad. The rational behind this move was that the Hooligans had already qualified, and they could retain first place in Group 3 with a win or tie, or a loss by one goal.

It nearly backfired. The second squad was unable to score, and barely able to hold the Zucchinis to only one goal. In the end, the two sides wound up with identical qualifying records - with two exceptions. The first, the Hooligans have scored 3 more goals during qualifying than the Zucchinis - and thus retain first place. The second - in two head to head matches the sides drew one match, and Giant Zucchini won the other.

Coach Justin Case was nowhere to be found. His Offensive Coach, Peeko Von Dropov, refused to comment, as did Defensive Coach Morris Better.

Consultant Eileen Dover did comment. She said, "I told the little twit to play at least some of the first squad! What a dolt! We could have beat the flippin' vegies!"

Consultant Ben Dover appeared to want to comment, but couldn't seem to stop laughing long enough to catch his breath and make a statement.
[code:1:5f0fd0e86e]
# Side P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Snub Nose 38 10 7 1 2 21 10 +11 22 qualified
2 Giant Zucchini 10 7 1 2 18 7 +11 22 qualified
5 WNA 10 5 1 4 15 15 0 16
4 Eauz 10 4 1 5 16 18 -2 13
3 West Ariddia 10 3 1 6 17 25 -8 10
6 Male 18 10 1 1 8 12 24 -12 4[/code:1:5f0fd0e86e]
"Mike Grey" is a registered trademark

Correction
In this mornings edition of Scuttlebutt, in a report filed by Mike Grey, we reported that if the Zucchinis beat the Hooligans in this last match by 2 goals, the Hooligans would retain first place in Qualifying Group 3. In fact, had the side from Giant Zucchini scored two more goals that the Snub Nose 38 side, the Zucchinis would have taken first place. We apologize for the error.

Warnocks Wizards Victorious!

National Team Ends First World Cup Qualifying Campaign with 2-0 win over Nadaskor

From our news services...

Matchday 10, Nadaskor–Warnocks Wizards ended their first world cup qualifying campaign with a 2-0 victory over Nadaskor. Manager Ufwurz the Furious, unusually unsuspended and able to manage the game from the sidelines, made a few changes to the side that drew 4-4 with East Spaam at The Tower last week. Goalkeeper Ishhak the Smasher’s toenail adequately healed and he returned to the lineup, Ghazghash the Sleazy replaced the suspended Durbret the Choker, and target man Globdreg the Destroyer was given his usual starting spot for an away game, this time playing up front with the fleet Ishklash the Pug-nose. The Wizards played with an attacking 4-3-1-2, with the ever-improving youngster Bagdreg the Mauler playing in the hole behind the two strikers. All pressure was off the squad, given the fact that they had no chance of qualifying for the World Cup, and the joy and ease with which they played was telling. The Wizards midfield had a magical first half and were linking up well with the forwards. Akhklash the Paunch and Ishklash the Pug-nose went close inside of twenty minutes, as it was only a matter of time before the visitors scored. The Pug-nosed one set up the first goal nicely. Dragging his marker deep into the corner, he crossed for Globdreg who buried the ball at the near post. The half ended shortly thereafter: Nadaskor 0, Warnocks Wizards 1.

The second half was more of the same, with the Wizards enjoying much of the possession and chances. Ishklash the Pug-nose put the game beyond all doubt with a great solo effort on 50 minutes. Receiving the ball at the top of the arc with his back to goal, he turned on the jets, blowing past his marker and rocketing a shot past the keeper. The Wizards finished off the game in festive style and were unlucky not to score more. Manager Ufwurz the Furious thanked his players and fans after the match and wished group winners Kingsford and runners up Commerce Heights well in the World Cup. He also looked forward to the future, remarking that the Red and White Wizards are not far away from becoming a good side and could not wait for World Cup 9 qualifying to begin. Full time: Nadaskor 0, Warnocks Wizards 2.

Warnocks Wizards: Ishhak the Smasher, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c) (Akhburz the Straggler 85), Ghazukh the Burner, Bublok the Destroyer, Ghazghash the Sleazy, Akhklash the Paunch (Gromdul the Gasher 77), Bagdreg the Mauler, Globdreg the Destroyer, Ishklash the Pug-nose (Ashmazh the Tough 85).

Unused substitutes: Krumsnik the Pauch, Gabdul the Looter.

Stay tuned for a final report with detailed squad stats of Warnocks Wizards.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

Fútbol Wrapup: First Round Preview

Murray Witcombe: Hey folks, qualifying's all wrapped up and we're here to bring you our preview of the first round that's set to begin in just a couple of weeks. With me's Mike Gray, filling in for Mike White, in legal fisticuffs with Michael Black and Mike Green.

Mike Gray: Hiya.

Murray: And with us, Mike Green of Bedistan.

Mike: You're kidding.

Murray: I am. Only kidding, folks.

Mike: He's kidding.

Murray: Aye. Enough. Now, who we really have here is Guy Picciotto of the modern World Cup squad, who've been training while the top ranked teams in the world battle it out through qualifying. Guy, thanks for being here.

Guy Picciotto: My pleasure.

Mike: Alrighty, now lets get down to the group one qualifiers.

Murray: Runaway Moose and Errinundera-

Guy: Can't say i'm surprised.

Murray: They plowed through that group. Errinundera was close to Pavesia - in points. Goal difference gave them a nice buffer there.

Mike: And for group two, we've got Svecia and Halfassed.

Murray: Yet another predictable one.

Guy: Despite some distance in points there.

Murray: And for group three, Glock 17 and the Zucchini that is Giant, as well as being 21st in the world.

Mike: You must mean Snub Nose 38.

Murray: Right. They're both guns.

Mike: Ah, but is Glock 17 a nation?

Murray: Well...

Mike: Ha!

Murray: But I thought-

Mike: You thought wrong.

Guy: Moving on, group four - Audioslavia and Demonic Beings, with Quohog missing out only on the merit of goal difference.

Mike: Group five - another case of the seeded teams taking advantage of newer nation's unskilled teams and making a killing.

Guy: Which is what makes the first round exciting, a much higher level of skill all around.

Murray: Group six; like Mike said, here come the seeded teams qualifying with a good amount of breathing room.

Guy: You know what killed the 1901 National Team?

Murray: Tell me, Guy.

Guy: Wins or losses. Draws are essential to earning points when you can't win, and the 1901-squad earned none. The result? Not enough points to gain a foothold in the standings and qualify.

Mike: So true. Draws are a very important point to earn when you can't get the one-up on your opponent.

Murray: Out of group six, the Belmore Family and Jackatazea.

Mike: Boy, those Jackatazeans - they don't give a shit about the World Cup considering they're in the first round.

Murray: I'll say. "Oh, we have a international fútbol team?

Guy: Politically and internationally apathetic.

Mike: A shame, a true shame. Tanah Burung's a charasmatic team with a rambunctious bunch of fans.

Murray: Aye. But the show must go on!

Mike: Literally.

Murray: And from group eight we've got Timway and Antaeus Rising.

Guy: Boy, if I didn't know better, i'd say that team from Antaeus Rising is a whole lot like the one from Total n Utter Insanity.

Mike: Uncanny.

Guy: It really is. A bit creepy.

Murray: A smidge.

Guy: A smidge?

Murray: Aye, a smidge. [Proceeds to show Guy what a smidge is with his fingers.]

Guy: Ohhh.

Murray: And with that astonishing revalation, from group nine we have Dennisov and Gesamtkuntswerk.

Mike: Top seeded teams once again make it into the Cup.

Murray: From ten, it's Bullionien and Ravenspire.

Mike: Ahh, trusty Ravenspire. The bane of Mike's existance.

Murray: Which one?

Mike: The nemesis.

Murray: Green.

Mike: Wrong.

Murray: Orange.

Mike: Wrong.

Murray: Grey.

Mike: Wrong.

Murray: White.

Mike: The Mike we're TALKING ABOUT is Mike White.

Murray: Oh, yeah, huh?

Mike: Huh.

Guy: And on topic, since this is the first round preview-

Murray: Oh, yeah, huh?

Mike: Huh.

Guy: Which it is, group eleven qualifiers are the Lowland Clans and Busby.

Mike: And for time constraints, the rest of 'em are Kingsford, COmmerce Heights, Lemmitania, Ariddia, Liverpool England, Gilmeecia, Haraki and Spaam.

Murray: That was fast.

Mike: Yep, well, that's because our allotted time is almost up.

Murray: We could go over.

Mike: Yeah, and then the COSN guys would fine us.

Murray: What is on next that is so important?

Mike: Infomercials.

Murray: Oh yes, so very important.

Guy: Actually, it is. The concept of the television program dates back to the concept of radio; that is, they're both commercial mediums and work off of revenues generated by running advertisements for companies. Without the funds from those companies and adverts, this station would be bankrupted in a few short weeks. And considering this station runs no 30 second spots, infomercials are the only form of revenue for the Central Oglethorpian Sports Network. Finally, it's 10:30 PM and that's normally when you start seeing the Nelson Burgher All-In-One Griller-Oven-Microwave infomercial comes on.

Murray: Oy, shut up.

Guy: Sorry.

Mike: Rightio...for Mike White-

Murray: He ain't here.

Mike: Aye. For Murray Witcombe, i'm Mike Gray; a big thanks to World Cup coach Guy Picciotto for joining us tonight. Until next time, good night folks!

First Round Groups

Group A
(James Oglethorpe National Stadium; Midshire, Oglethorpia)
[code:1:7e3a0f5523]
Group A P W D L F A GD Pts
Jacktazea (50) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Haraki (22) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Svecia (2) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Busby (14) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

[/code:1:7e3a0f5523]

Group B
(PariMedia Field; Sonoma City, Sonoma, Bedistan)
[code:1:7e3a0f5523]
Group B P W D L F A GD Pts
Gilmeecia (46) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Runaway Moose (4) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Dennisov (18) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Kingsford (30) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

[/code:1:7e3a0f5523]

Group C
(Tripoli Harbor Stadium; Tripoli, Oglethorpia)
[code:1:7e3a0f5523]
Group C P W D L F A GD Pts
Antaeus Rising (53) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Oddslavo (35) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Ravenspire (29) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Demonic Beings (47) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

[/code:1:7e3a0f5523]

Group D
(Unity Stadium; International City of Paripana, Bedistan/Commerce Heights/Lontorica)
[code:1:7e3a0f5523]
Group D P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (54) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Timway (31) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Giant Zucchini (21) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
One Red Dot (16) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

[/code:1:7e3a0f5523]

Group E
(Holmes Stadium; Columbia, Federal District, Bedistan)
[code:1:7e3a0f5523]
Group E P W D L F A GD Pts
Bedistan (5) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Snub Nose 38 (10) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Gesamtkuntswerk (38) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Lemmitania (20) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

[/code:1:7e3a0f5523]

Group F
(Kuruma Stadium; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia)
[code:1:7e3a0f5523]
Group F P W D L F A GD Pts
Spaam (3) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Oglethorpia (23) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Europa Brittania (28) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
The Lowland Clans (34) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

[/code:1:7e3a0f5523]

Group G
(Setting Sun Field; Alexandria, Neshoba, Bedistan)
[code:1:7e3a0f5523]
Group G P W D L F A GD Pts
Errinundera (1) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Ariddia (6) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Liverpool England (28) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Squornshelous (12) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

[/code:1:7e3a0f5523]

Group H
(Langham Coliseum; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia)
[code:1:7e3a0f5523]
Group H P W D L F A GD Pts
Halfassedstates (8) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Bullonien (65) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
The Belmore Family (15) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Audioslavia (13) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

[/code:1:7e3a0f5523]

First Round Stadiums

Bedistani

PariMedia Field
Sonoma City, Sonoma, Bedistan

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/parimedia_field.jpg

Capacity: 62,947

Unity Stadium
International City of Paripana, Bedistan/Commerce Heights/Lontorica

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/unity_stadium.jpg

Capacity: 75,000

Holmes Stadium
Columbia, Federal District, Bedistan

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/holmes_stadium.jpg
http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/holmes_stadium2.jpg

Capacity: 82,814

Setting Sun Field
Alexandria, Neshoba, Bedistan

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/setting_sun_field.jpg

Capacity: 70,498


Oglethorpian

James Oglethorpe National Stadium
Midshire, Oglethorpia

http://oglethorpia.free-host.com/stadiums/Oglethorpe_145,000.jpg
Capacity: 145,000

Tripoli Harbour Stadium
Tripoli, Oglethorpia

http://oglethorpia.free-host.com/stadiums/Tripoli_90,000.jpg
Capacity: 90,000

Kuruma Stadium
Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia

http://oglethorpia.free-host.com/stadiums/Kuruma_90,000.jpg
Capacity: 90,000

Langham Coliseum
Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia

http://oglethorpia.free-host.com/stadiums/Langham_65,000.jpg
Capacity: 65,000

From: The Law Offices of Brown, Redding, and Golden
To: Cletus Birkmaier

Sir:

We are greatly distressed by the fact that you would have the audacity to accuse the Columbia Times of libel against your client. Having read the newspaper article in question at least five times, we have been unable to see where they "put it as if Mike White is some new commentator who appeared on the World Cup-broadcasting scene overnight". We assure you that they have done no such thing, and as the newspaper's attorneys, we will defend this claim in court if necessary.

Also, why are you particularly interested in our other client, Mike Green? We note that you have not taken any action against Mike Gray, Mike Grey, or Michael Orange -- surely they are also "stealing" your name? You seem remarkably inconsistent here.

We would appreciate your expedient reply.

Sincerely,

Miguel Brown
Michelle Redding
Mick Golden
Attorneys at Law

Riots Break Out All Over Keyshona

-Isidore Sitesef
Associated Press

Riots broke out today in the major cities of Key City, New Berlin, and Athens. What sparked the riots was the Keyshona team not qualifying during World Cup Eight. In downtown Athens people streamed out of bars after hearing the qualifying teams. They immediatley got in to brawls with tourists from the other competing nations and total chaos ensued. People were climbing on lamposts and throwing bottles (sometimes molotov cocktail like explosives). The Athens police quickly responded. Their riot team exited the bus swiftly and began to launch tear gas canisters int o the grounds. The tear gas had little effect so the riot control team began to lob stingball grenades into the riot. After 6 hours the Riot was calmed down.
It took even longer to calm down the mobs in Key City and New Berlin. Eventually the Keyshona Counter-Terrorist and Border Guard Group, GSG-9 was called in.
In total 1 Police officer was seriously wounded, Two GSG-9 troops were wounded (not seriously), 7 Citizens were killed and 20 wounded, 23 tourists were wounded none killed. Indeed it was a sd day but hopefully we will see some improvement in WC 9!!!!!!!!!

From: The Law Offices of Brown, Redding, and Golden
To: Cletus Birkmaier

Sir:

We are greatly distressed by the fact that you would have the audacity to accuse the Columbia Times of libel against your client. Having read the newspaper article in question at least five times, we have been unable to see where they "put it as if Mike White is some new commentator who appeared on the World Cup-broadcasting scene overnight". We assure you that they have done no such thing, and as the newspaper's attorneys, we will defend this claim in court if necessary.

Also, why are you particularly interested in our other client, Mike Green? We note that you have not taken any action against Mike Gray, Mike Grey, or Michael Orange -- surely they are also "stealing" your name? You seem remarkably inconsistent here.

We would appreciate your expedient reply.

Sincerely,

Miguel Brown
Michelle Redding
Mick Golden
Attorneys at Law

From: Cletus Birkmaier
To: The Law Offices of Brown, Redding, and Golden

Gentlemen,

Here bolded are the statements in question published by the Columbia Times.

The Columbia Times
South Bedistan's Premier News Source
Sunday Edition
þ4.95 - Sunday, December 8, 2013

Hey, Mike? No, Not You, the Other Mike.

COLUMBIA, FD -- Mike Green, host of "BSTV Sports Midday" on Bedistan Sports Television (BSTV), was presented with a lawsuit today.

The suit, filed by Mike White of Oglethorpia, accuses Green of identity theft.

"Identity theft my ass," commented Green's lawyer. "All we have to do is show this Mr. White Mr. Green's birth certificate, which plainly states that Mike Green has had that name from the day he was born, and that he did not 'copy' White's name. That's just preposterous."

This is not the first time Mike White has made such an accusation. Just a few weeks ago, White, an Oglethorpian fútbol commentator, filed a similar suit against Michael Black of Ravenspire. Black, who works for RNN, has provided World Cup coverage in his nation for two decades.

White supposedly believes that all football commentators with the first name of "Mike" or "Michael" are attempting to copy him or steal the spotlight from him.

To make matters worse, another Mike with a color for a last name has appeared in Oglethorpia. Mike Gray was recently hired by the Central Oglethorpian Sports Network. As yet, White has not filed a suit against Gray, but we expect that to change very shortly.

But that's not the end of it. Astoundingly, another Mike has popped up -- in the Borderlands of Snub Nose 38. Mike Grey (with an 'e' as opposed to COSN's Gray with an 'a') has recently made his presence known. Litigation will likely commence throughout the world very shortly.

Mike Green himself was unavailable for comment on the ordeal.

The aforementioned statements are clearly defamatory in nature, "Bedistan's premier news source" publishing pointendly opinioned articles outside an [assumed] editorial section.

Sincerely,
Cletus Berkmaier

OOC: Bedistan, remember, you and I are co-hosts :wink:

From: The Law Offices of Brown, Redding, and Golden
To: Cletus Birkmaier

Sir:

Having examined the highlighted portion of the article from the Times, we can see where you might have an argument. However, in Bedistan, there are very few restrictions on what a newspaper may or may not print. Free speech is valued greatly here, and while this article may have broken laws if it were published in Oglethorpia, it is perfectly acceptable in Bedistan.

As such, we kindly request that you withdraw your pending suit against the Times, as you would be very unlikely to win in a Bedistani court.

Sincerely,

Miguel Brown
Michelle Redding
Mick Golden
Attorneys at Law

OOC: I know they don't have particularly strong arguments. For one, I know little about the law myself. ;) For another, maybe these just aren't the best lawyers in the nation. ;)

OOC: Bedistan, remember, you and I are co-hosts ;)

Hehe, I assure you this is purely IC. :P

RIOTS IN LIVERPOOL ENGLAND AFTER TEAM IS DRAWN WITH WORLD CHAMPION ERRINUNDERA AND SIXTH SEED ARIDDIA, ODDSLAVO DRAW TOTAL N UTTER INSANITY PUPPET, RAVENSPIRE AND DEMONIC BEINGS////////
BREAKING NEWS: LIVERPOOL ENGLAND SPORTS NEWS NETWORK NEWSCASTER MIKE YELLOW JOINS IN IDENTITY THEFT LAWSUIT

OOC: Damnit forgot to log out of puppet.

Come now. It's going to get absurd if Grey, Gray, Orange and Yellow all come under fire.

Plus, the only common color names i've run across are Green, White and Black.

Mike White may be bowing out soon now :D

Breaking News/Liverpool England:
Riots kill 4 tourists, injure hundreds after national team gets drawn in Group of Death|Michael Yellow(Reg Trademark) sues all the other Mikes and Michaels for identity theft. He says, "I was born first, I think, so I should have the right to sue them."

The Lundcastle Informer

Mike White skips town?
The 19-year commentator since World Cup 4 believed to have emigrated from Oglethorpia

"I've called the guy's house a dozen times, and his cell about the same amount of times," said co-host of six years Murray Witcombe. "I hope all the Mikes haven't completely driven the man nuts with lawsuits. All he wanted was his identity and to not be confused with Michael Black. Before you know it you've got Green, Grey, Gray, Orange and now Yellow; I can understand why he'd leave, everyone coming out of the closet after the man first started broadcasting. I tell you, if anyone should get bad press, it's all these folks who have all of a sudden burst onto Mike's turf; that being World Cup commentating."

Witcombe would apologize for being so wordy. Rumor is that White has bought a home in Gilmeecia; others say he's gone to Tanah Tarantula to try and seek a living there, amongst giant spiders. Others say he probably went stir-crazy and has been locked up in an asylum. "Oglethorpia has asylums?" said a random Oglethorpian/part-time hippy. Unfortunately, we don't know either if any asylums are in operation in Oglethorpia.

More as it comes.

As promised, here are the final qualifying stats for Warnocks Wizards for WC8:

.....Name....................................Pos.......Club...............................Caps...Goa ls
1. Globtakh the Meek................GK.......Angband Balrogs...............3
25. Ishhak the Smasher.............GK.......New Orthanc United.........8
13. Krumsnik the Paunch............GK.......Isengard City....................1

3. Ghaztrak the Gouger..............DL.......Angband Balrogs...............3
20. Grimbrug the Basher..............DL......New Orthanc United..........8
5. Mausnik the Cleaver...............DC.......Uruk’Hai United.................9
6. Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c)...DC......New Orthanc United.........10
24. Ashburz the Straggler............DC.......Barad-Dur Town..............2
17. Ghazukh the Burner...............DR......New Orthanc United........10.......1
2. Ufdush the Nasty....................DR.......Angmar Witches...............2

8. Krumsnak the Sneaky.............MC......Barad-Dur Town...............6
21. Gromdul the Gasher...............MC......Uruk’Hai United...............5
18. Bagdreg the Mauler...............ML.......Boromir Blades...............10
12. Durbrat the Choker................ML......Angband Balrogs..............3
16. Akhklash the Paunch..............MR......Boromir Blades...............10......1
4. Bublok the Destroyer..............MR......Boromir Blades..................2
7. Ghazghash the Sleazy............AMC.....New Orthanc United.......10......1

11. Gabdul the Looter..................SC........Boromir Blades...............7.......2
15. Ishklash the Pug-nose.............SC........New Orthanc United....10......5
14. Globdreg the Destroyer..........SC........Boromir Blades...............8.......2
9. Ashmazh the Tough................SC........Uruk’Hai United................3
10. Mersnik the Cruel..................SC.........Shelobs Lair....................2

Leaders in Goals: Ishklash the Pug-nose 5, Gabdul the Looter 2, Globdreg the Destroyer 2, Ghazghash the Sleazy 1, Akhklash the Paunch 1, Ghazukh the Burner 1.

Red Cards: Mausnik the Cleaver, Durbret the Choker.


Manager: Ufwurz the Furious
Assistants: Gutkrut the Wretched, Bazzag the Wicked
Chairman of the National Football Association: Globmazh the Mean

..............................W-D-L.......Pts......GF......GA
Warnocks Wizards...2-2-6.......8........12.....19

Scoring by Half.........1....2....Tot
Warnocks Wizards....7....5....12
Opponents................8....11...19

Group Draws Complete, Bulldogs to Play In Own Backyard
INTERNATIONAL CITY - What started as an above-average performance by the #54 Bulldogs (5-4-1) ended in World Cup qualification. Bedistan's hosting bid for World Cup 8 will give the Bulldogs a unique opportunity: Group D's games are to be played at Unity Stadium in the International City, and that's exactly where CH landed. The group also includes #16 One Red Dot, #21 Giant Zucchini, and #31 Timway. This doesn't appear to be a group that Commerce Heights can win, though anything is possible.

(OOC: How can I put my schedule here if I don't even know which teams I play on which of the next 3 days? ;) )

As promised, here are the final qualifying stats for Warnocks Wizards for WC8:

<OOC>Very creative stuff. I've enjoyed your posts.</OOC>

DAILY CROCODILE

A nation mourns...

UKUN RASIKAN -- The Belmore Family is coming to town! It was the word on everyone's lips, the day of decision. "We know that the prayers of the world are with us," said Guntur Ruak, the hot coach riding a two-game winnign streak since taking over behind the bench. "The odds are long, but we still hope to overcome."

The Crocodiles played a tightly disciplined match against a more talented opponent, and the discipline paid off when a foul by Belmore against midfielder Canabe Livit gave Tanah Burung a free kick in the 68th minute. Livit, the young Errinundrian-trained footballer, has been one of the stars of this Crocs team, a bright spot amongst a struggling bunch. The kick was a zinger, clocked as one of the fastest balls ever kicked in this country. Keeper Belmore got his hands on the ball, but not enough to make a clean save. The ball seemed to hang there in the air, suspended above the goal line, for several seconds as the crowd of 110,000 held their collective breaths. And then, it dropped, inches behind the line. GOOOAAAL!

The crowd went wild. With the end of the match close, it looked like the Crocodiles had the win they needed to qualify for a trip to Bedistan. Or Oglethorpia. Fans began to wonder what the weather was like this time of year in Oglethorpia (or Bedistan). Ruak called off striker David Cavaco and substituted defender Gus Rais. The Crocs would try to hold their slim lead.

Big mistake. With just 15 minutes remaining, Belmore stole the ball away from Doris Rumbiak. Keeper da Gama was caught off guard, and dove to meet Belmore's shot. Too late. His fingertips missed the ball, barely. The goal was in, the game tied up at one. And that's how it would end, 1-1. The Belmore Family, with tickets already in hand to Bedistan (or Oglethorpia) had another point. Jacktazea, winners in a goalfest against Jadanopolos, had won a trip to Oglethorpia (or Bedistan), although their coach could not be reached for comment.

Tanah Burung, for the first time, would miss the Cup. Joining them on the sidelines are several other high-ranked squads: former hosts and perennial powerhouse Total n Utter Insanity, past runners-up Quohog, Dark Outcasts, and crowd favourites Pure Evil. Guntur Ruak now returns to his coaching duties with Tanah Tarantula in the Giant Evil Spider Football league, and Tanah Burung begins the search for a new coach. Again. One fired Crocs coach has gone on to better things: Bi Kikere has led the semi-sentients of Gilmeecia to the World Cup. Good on ya, Miz Kikere. As for us, we'll have to watch in on TV.

(In other news, disgraced ex-coach Ab Francisco was seen boarding a plane for Bedistan (or Oglethorpia) carrying a cooler and a crudely-stencilled sign: "Evisceratomatoes for sale.")

Once again, the Gesamtkuntswerk Sturms show their mettle against long-odds placement in the ninth hour and pull off an astonishing victory against Dennisov in round ten, allowing them (when coupled with the last-round loss of Nikea) to move on to the World Cup! Though the level of competition was a steep one, and there was by no means any certainty to it, the Sturms came back and secured victory most great! The next competing group looks to be the most difficult yet, facing Bedistan, Snub Nose 38, and Lemmentia. But the Sturms are reknown for their ability to best odds, and they shall come forward at the competition with full strength.

OK, get out the electric chair, for the coach...

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Nikea Fails to Qualify
Lose Final Three Games, Changes are Promised
by Markenin Markenel

DRAGONIAN EMPIRE(NP) - Nikeans everywhere today were in shock as what seemed 4 matches ago to be a solid lock up of a World Cup qualifying position today resulted in a failure to qualify for World Cup 8.

Losing their last 3 games by a combined score of 7-1, the Nikean defense fell completely apart, leaving keeper Jeserin Renteritel, who played as best he could for the remaining two matches, out to dry, while the usual scoring threats of Istertel, Irisiuene, and Keresiuene were held silent in the last two matches, managing only 1 goal.

A 3-0 defeat at Dennisov on match day 9 was not a huge surprise, however it gave Gesamtkuntswerk a chance at qualifying, as their win put them two points behind Nikea, heading into the final matchday. Nikea was confident, however, as they faced an already eliminated Dragonian Empire, while Gesamtkuntswerk was at home to a powerful Dennisov side.

Things went completely opposite to plan. The Dennisov-Gesamtkuntswerk match, played early in the day, resulted in a 1-0 win for Gesamtkuntswerk, putting them in the final qualifying position for World Cup 8. Nikea needed a win; a draw would eliminate them through goal differential.

However, the defense fell apart. Two own goals and complete silence up front gave the Dragonian Empire a victory for pride, and a ticket back home for the Pandas.

The President of the Nikean National Football Association, Yeskerin Orsentel, said that he had accepted the resignation of manager Resterin Terestel, and he would announce the new manager sometime soon. This match was also the last for a few Nikean starters, most notably Rorin Entel and Kellin Kerstel, who have said that this was their final international tournament.

While the complete implosion of the Pandas in their final three matches might leave a sour taste in the mouths of many Nikeans, there is still hope for World Cup 9. Nikea's 5-0-5 performance in this cup, while not good enough to qualify, should most certainly up their ranking from the current 71 that it is now. The early matches of the qualifying round saw some great performances as they were strong in a losing effort to Dennisov on Matchday 4, and completely outplayed Gesamtkuntswerk on Matchday 3. Couple that with two strong wins against Australian Marsupials, and an excellent match against Defari on matchday 7, and the future looks bright.

Many stars will also be returning for the next run at the Cup. Aleksei Strekiov, who showed that he is a capable defender, was the best of the three in the back during the horrible skid, and played a solid tournament. He turned 24 only a few days ago, and will be 27 when the next qualifying round starts. Turennin Mortethel also had a solid tournament, and other returning stars include keeper Jeserin Renteritel, Yurin Yaskalaitel, I&I, and the captain, Keresin Keresiuene.

Other substitutes proved themselves this tournament as well. Akitomo Sakai got a nice goal in the victory over Gesamtkuntswerk. Kalainen Mersentel also played well in the emotional win over Defari. Other players will be looking to make an impression on the next manager, whoever he may be, to make the starting 11 in the next attempt at the cup.

Snootius: Hello folks. This is Snootius Antlerus, commissioner of sports for Runaway Moose.
The nation is watching eagerly as the new squad gears up for World Cup 8. Many other countries have noticed a lack of national interest in football of late, but there is a definite resurgence this year, as it will be the last tournament of our beloved MOZ, and the first of her little sister. National darling MOZ will be with us in the studio later for a rare interview, and actually, only her second one ever, to discuss the plans for retirement.
With me now are Liz and Gus, our official match commentators. What do you guys think of Alces chances in this tourney?

Liz: (sobs)
Gus: Can it Liz. Well, we're both hoping that MOZ will pull off some magic for the fans. It has been a great run. She's been our captain since our first cup.

Snootius: What do you think of the Gil scandal?

Liz : HE'S NOT DEAD!!! HE CAN'T BE!!!!!

Snootius: A fan?

Liz: The biggest. He inspired me to do sports shows.
Gus: Liz... he's all for the Lemmings... talk about being a traitor.
Liz: Gus, he is loved throughout the world.
Gus: WAS.
Liz: (sobs)

Snootius: Anyway, the game... oh!!! Here's MOZ!

(silence)

MOZ: hello.

Snootius: MOZ. Good to see you. You're looking well. Say hi to MOZ kids.

(silence)

Snootius: Big fans of yours.

MOZ: hello.

Liz: MOZ! Don't go!!!!

Snootius: Um, what young Liz means is, er, are you really certain of your plans to retire?

MOZ: yes.

Liz: (sobs) WHYYYY? It's just not the same!!!! No MOZ! No Gil!!!

MOZ: excuse me, I have to go.

Snootius: But MOZ...

Liz: Was it something I said?

MOZ: Thank you. Goodbye.

(silence)

Gus: She is SO HOT.

Snootius: Er, well, that's about all the time we have. We can't wait to see what the Rex has brought back from their training and what the new coaches have to offer. We will, by the way have an interview with head coach Berkett after the first match.

Gus: Cool!! Really?

Snootius: Erm, yes.

Liz: (sobs)

Snootius: good night.

Timway lost TnUI in rather dull fashion by a score of 2-3 today. Both teams started some lesser players as their fates had already been determined.

Statistics
[code:1:7453a764f8] Overall WC6 WC7 WC8
Games Played 37 14 13 10
Wins 17 5 6 6
Draws 7 4 2 1
Losses 13 5 5 3
Goals For 81 26 30 25
Goals Against 73 31 25 17
Avg. Offense 2.19 1.86 2.31 2.50 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.97 2.21 1.92 1.70 gpg
Ranking Pre-Cup - 100 46 31[/code:1:7453a764f8]

Belmore's unofficial rankings

[code:1:50b8745219]##. Team Pl W D L GF GA GD Pt
33. Dark Outcasts (11) 10 6 1 3 23 15 +8 19
34. Pavesia (39) 10 5 3 2 16 11 +5 18
35. Pure Evil (9) 10 5 3 2 15 11 +4 18
36. Aquilla (45) 10 5 2 3 21 18 +3 17
37. Akbarland (17) 10 5 2 3 13 12 +1 17
38. Neolithica 10 5 2 3 15 19 -4 17
39. Tanah Burung (27) 10 4 4 2 18 12 +6 16
40. Sliponia (74) 10 4 4 2 17 12 +5 16
41. WNA 10 5 1 4 15 15 0 16
42. God Squad (62) 10 4 3 3 15 11 +4 15
43. Quohog (26) 10 4 3 3 14 14 0 15
44. Nikea (71) 10 5 0 5 13 16 -3 15
45. The Weegies (68) 10 4 2 4 16 16 0 14
46. Voyger 10 4 2 4 17 18 -1 14
47. Keyshona 10 4 2 4 17 20 -3 14
48. BlackEagle Corp. 10 4 2 4 14 20 -6 14
49. Total n Utter Insanity (19) 10 3 4 3 16 15 +1 13
50. Alasdair I Frosticus (60) 10 4 1 5 16 17 -1 13
51. Yentrofinova 10 4 1 5 11 12 -1 13
52. Eauz (85) 10 4 1 5 16 18 -2 13
53. LordSquall (42) 10 3 3 4 16 16 0 12
54. Endray-Island 10 4 0 6 19 21 -2 12
55. The Dragonian Empire 10 3 3 4 12 16 -4 12
56. 1900s Oglethorpia 10 4 0 6 22 27 -5 12
57. Simba Polo 10 3 3 4 9 16 -7 12
58. Australian Marsupials (127) 10 3 2 5 14 15 -1 11
59. Kaze Progressa (82) 10 2 5 3 11 13 -2 11
60. Sycoes 10 3 2 5 16 20 -4 11
61. Agnosticium 10 3 2 5 19 22 -5 11
62. Ineptia 10 3 2 5 15 21 -6 11
63. Slops Pit 10 3 2 5 16 24 -8 11
64. Mezitzia (72) 10 3 2 5 9 17 -8 11
65. Hell Bovines 10 3 1 6 11 14 -3 10
66. Dead Man (107) 10 3 1 6 17 21 -4 10
67. Sazland (67) 10 2 4 4 8 13 -5 10
68. Jangle Jangle Ridge 10 3 1 6 13 20 -7 10
69. West Ariddia (57) 10 3 1 6 17 25 -8 10
70. Defari 10 2 3 5 11 18 -7 9
71. Chronos Prime 10 3 0 7 12 20 -8 9
72. Bardai (80) 10 2 3 5 12 21 -9 9
73. Parthenon 10 2 3 5 11 20 -9 9
74. East Spaam 10 1 5 4 14 17 -3 8
75. Alhana Catherine (87) 10 2 2 6 16 20 -4 8
76. Hellfish 10 1 5 4 14 18 -4 8
77. Warnocks Wizards 10 2 2 6 12 19 -7 8
78. Jadonopolos 10 2 2 6 15 23 -8 8
79. Zeronia 10 2 2 6 12 20 -8 8
80. Rave Shentavo (103) 10 1 4 5 15 21 -6 7
81. Northern Kings (108) 10 1 4 5 9 15 -6 7
82. Nadaskor 10 2 1 7 11 20 -9 7
83. N S A 10 2 1 7 11 22 -11 7
84. Coffee Cup 10 2 1 7 8 19 -11 7
85. Memeplex 10 2 1 7 11 27 -16 7
86. New Pavesia 10 0 6 4 12 18 -6 6
87. Zinkoland 10 1 3 6 12 19 -7 6
88. Jekonuam 10 1 3 6 10 17 -7 6
89. Consumer Engineering 10 2 0 8 8 17 -9 6
90. Anti-Nazis 10 2 0 8 10 18 -8 6
91. Carasek 10 1 2 7 13 26 -13 5
92. Male 18 10 1 1 8 12 24 -12 4
[/code:1:50b8745219]
If there any mistakes, do not hesitate to tell me.

"We're in the same group as Errinundera? Come on, own up. Who forgot to bribe the hosts?"
- Raphael Ford

KM: ...and, on the same day the Ravenspire Vixens, the international field hockey team, progressed to the knockout round, the Ravens clinched a qualifying berth for the ninth football World Cup. Michael Black is on leave today to handle some legal matters, so with me in the studio is Kyle Raymond. Kyle, what are your thoughts on the Cup?

KR: Well, Kathryn, first I'd have to say it was an impressive and hard-fought game. I think the deciding factor was probably the return of Kaede Kitsuki to the Ravenspire side. Her talent is unquestionably key to the team's success this year, but more importantly, having her on the pitch again boosted the team's morale after their recent lackluster performances.

KM: They certainly needed that. In order to qualify, they had to earn at least a draw against higher-ranked Dark Outcasts. That's why the Ravens didn't field any substitutes as some other sides did; group 10 went down to the wire, and they couldn't afford to be less than their best.

KR: The same could be said of the Outcasts, Kath; more so, actually. In order to qualify, they had to win the match. No doubt they were feeling some pressure.

KM: We saw some excellent play on both sides. A very clean game, too; nobody wanted to risk allowing a penalty kick, I imagine.

KR: The entire first half passed with no goals scored. The Ravens took the lead early in the second half, though, with Amara Akizuki landing a long shot in the upper corner -- honestly, there was quite a bit of luck involved. It could have easily overshot.

KM: Dark Outcasts quickly equalized the score with a similar chancy shot, though.

KR: Yes, and my hat's off to that player. You wouldn't see a more perfect kick from Zhen Sui-Ling in her younger days. And speaking of Sui-Ling, she scored what was to be the match's final goal twenty minutes later, after Kaede successfully faked out the defense. They moved to block her, and Sui-Ling managed to sneak in.

KM: The victory recalls a Ravens "tradition" fondly held by the fans -- the team has a solid record of upset victories against higher-ranked opponents in qualifiers. Now the question is whether the crimson and black can break the "Raven curse" and advance past the first round. If so, it will be the first time that they've managed the feat, despite five previous successful qualifications since World Cup 3.

KR: The team still seems to have much of its vitality from last year, Kathryn. And interestingly, the draw was such that Ravenspire is the highest seed in its group, despite its relatively low standing overall. These would seem to be positive signs.

KM: One thing's for sure... Oglethorpia is about to be inundated by thousands of enthusiastic Ravens fans. After that narrow qualification, they're fired up for the Cup proper. For the many who weren't fortunate enough to get tickets, of course, we'll be following the action right here on RNN. And don't forget to tune in to the Field Hockey World Cup...

Goals: Amara Akizuki (56), Zhen Sui-Ling (77)

Kathryn Malley and Kyle Raymond, reporting for RNN

NEWSFLASH:

Viewers of the much hyped Snub Nose vs Giant Zucchini encounter ended up a disappointed lot, with both teams putting out reserve sides. Nevertheless, the Zucchinis did pull off a win, with Zurk once again a driving force behind the team. The game was a dull affair, both teams more interested in possession than goals. Eventually, though, a goal came, and none other than the bright young spark of Zucchini football, Shtaan. Right at the start of the second half, Shtaan dazzled with his array of tricks and flicks, making fools of the Snub Nose defense, before banging in a thunderbolt from close range. That was the only goal of the game. The Zucchinis, having qualified for its 7th World Cup, find themselves drawn in the same group as their regional rivals, One Red Dot. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "I am pleased with the performance of my side today. Even though Snub Nose put out a reserve side, we did too, and we got the result we wanted. Now the cup is our priority. We have to take our chances, win the matches against the lower seeds, and of course play well against One Red Dot. We want to show them who is boss in United Powers."

Although the national football team owned by Consumer Engineering World Cup Enterprises Ltd failed to qualify for the World Cup the company's share price rallied towards the end of the qualifying round thanks to an unexpected win.

The price at the end of the series was 27 credit cards, up from the low of 19.

CEO, Ronald Biggs, urged shareholders to be patient. "We flagged from the outset that we would lose money on this first world cup. We are looking to establishing a world power in football by the end of World Cup 10. Let us look to Errinundera as a guide. Despite their imcompetent financial management they were able to create a world champion side in three Cup attempts.

With the foreshadowed upturn in results in future cups we expect the company to provide handsome yields in the future.

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/consumer_engineering.jpg

"Will that be on credit?"

*****ASPN WORLD CUP 8 SPECIAL REPORT*****

*we hear the aspn sports theme, unsuited to sports and just loud enough to be annoying. the world cup 8 logo flashes up on the screen, and slowly fades to transparent. through it we see (oddly) an upright cow scoring a goal. then, we see a large zucchini (or possibly a cucumber) making a very nice save. this is followed by a moose taking a corner kick (it's a very long corner kick). just as we are beginning to wonder if we haven't tuned to 'wild kingdom' by mistake, the scene cuts to the aspn sports desk. the wc8 logo and the sn38 hooligans logo are embossed on the front of the desk. hanging on the wall behind the desk, side by side, are a bedistani jersey, a hooligan jersey, a gesamtkunstwerkischer jersey, and a lemmitanian jersey. our intrepid reporter sits behind the desk.*

Good Evening, Mike Grey for ASPN Sports here. The draw for World Cup 8 first round groups took place today, with the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans drawing into a tough group. With the Hooligans in Group E are three sides that will make this a tough haul for whoever manages to get through to the second round. Bedistan, one of the co-hosts of this world cup, are in the group and currently ranked 5th in the world, always fielding a talented side. Lemmitania is in Group E as well. Ranked 20th at the moment, the feisty Lemmings are historically a contender for the cup. Rounding out the group is Gesamtkunstwerk, 38th in the world the Sturms are known for playing full-out for 90 minutes, a scrappy side on the rise.

The venue for Group E matches is Holmes Stadium in Columbia, Federal District, Bedistan. The stadium has a capacity of over 80,000 - and is expected to be sold out for every match. Tickets, which are going fast, can be purchased through Snubitron, or by calling the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages. Ask for Beverly.

We caught up with the Hooligans as they were boarding the plane for Bedistan at Sten International Airport. We managed to get a few comments on tape.

*the scene changes to the sten international airport terminal. the hooligans are making their way to the gate, laughing and carrying on a bit. aspn's mike grey is moving through the group holding a mike.*

ASPN: "What about the draw?"
Ben Dover, Consultant: "Flippin' random number gods! Not gonna be an easy group, Mike."

ASPN: "Are the Hooligans ready?"
Knuckles, Hooligan Captain: "Just 'ho says they aren't, eh? We ain't never not ready!"

ASPN: "What about the choice of starting eleven?"
Justin Case, Hooligan Manager: "Shut up!"

ASPN: "Is there any reason to expect another "incident" involving evisceratomatoes, such as the 'Eauzian Pelting'?"
Eileen Dover, Consultant: "Watch you mouth, lad! You'll get yourself arrested. Remember, since 'The Pelting Act' was passed, it's illegal even to say the "E" word in Snub Nose 38."
ASPN: "Sorry. But, do you expect another incident?"
Eileen Dover: "Well, let's just say that we're prepared for any eventuality, and leave it at that."

ASPN: "Will the fact that Tanah Burung didn't qualify..."
Someone who would give her name only as 'Margaret': "That's something of a blessing, and a disappointment. To have one less powerhouse to contend with, that's got to be a plus. But to know we won't get to face the Croc's is kind of a let down."

ASPN: "What's your strategy to get through to the second round?"
Justin Case: "Score goals, ya silly nit."

*back to the aspn studios, mike grey behind the sports desk*

And that was the scene as we saw the Snub Nose 38 International Football side, our Hooligans, off to Bedistan and World Cup 8. We'll be bringing you the news from Bedistan as each match is contended. That's it for now. G'night.

*the aspn studio fades out and an informational chart fades in for a few seconds*

Group E Stats
Venue - Holmes Stadium, Columbia, Federal District, Bedistan
[code:1:77e0016765]
Group E P W D L F A GD Pts
Bedistan (5) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Snub Nose 38 (10) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Gesamtkuntswerk (38) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Lemmitania (20) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 [/code:1:77e0016765]
*****THIS HAS BEEN AN ASPN WORLD CUP 8 SPECIAL REPORT*****

---Post deleted by NationStates Moderators---

You can sign up for World Cup 9.

Can I be involved in this :P
Yes. You can sign up for the next World Cup (WC9) here World Cup 9 Signups (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=75434&start=180). WC8 is already underway, but they go pretty fast. :)

Belmore's unofficial rankings
[code:1:c2b9dfcab6]##. Team Pl W D L GF GA GD Pt
...
53. LordSquall (42) 10 3 3 4 16 16 0 12
54. Endray-Island 10 4 0 6 19 21 -2 12
55. 1900s Oglethorpia 10 4 0 6 22 27 -5 12
56. Simba Polo 10 3 3 4 9 16 -7 12
...[/code:1:c2b9dfcab6]
If there any mistakes, do not hesitate to tell me.

One mistake so far...this nation has been left out:

The Dragonian Empire 10 3 3 4 12 16 -4 12

So it should be:

[code:1:c2b9dfcab6]##. Team Pl W D L GF GA GD Pt
33. Dark Outcasts (11) 10 6 1 3 23 15 +8 19
34. Pavesia (39) 10 5 3 2 16 11 +5 18
35. Pure Evil (9) 10 5 3 2 15 11 +4 18
36. Aquilla (45) 10 5 2 3 21 18 +3 17
37. Akbarland (17) 10 5 2 3 13 12 +1 17
38. Neolithica 10 5 2 3 15 19 -4 17
39. Tanah Burung (27) 10 4 4 2 18 12 +6 16
40. Sliponia (74) 10 4 4 2 17 12 +5 16
41. WNA 10 5 1 4 15 15 0 16
42. God Squad (62) 10 4 3 3 15 11 +4 15
43. Quohog (26) 10 4 3 3 14 14 0 15
44. Nikea (71) 10 5 0 5 13 16 -3 15
45. The Weegies (68) 10 4 2 4 16 16 0 14
46. Voyger 10 4 2 4 17 18 -1 14
47. Keyshona 10 4 2 4 17 20 -3 14
48. BlackEagle Corp. 10 4 2 4 14 20 -6 14
49. Total n Utter Insanity (19) 10 3 4 3 16 15 +1 13
50. Alasdair I Frosticus (60) 10 4 1 5 16 17 -1 13
51. Yentrofinova 10 4 1 5 11 12 -1 13
52. Eauz (85) 10 4 1 5 16 18 -2 13
53. LordSquall (42) 10 3 3 4 16 16 0 12
54. Endray-Island 10 4 0 6 19 21 -2 12
55. The Dragonian Empire 10 3 3 4 12 16 -4 12
56. 1900s Oglethorpia 10 4 0 6 22 27 -5 12
57. Simba Polo 10 3 3 4 9 16 -7 12
58. Australian Marsupials (127) 10 3 2 5 14 15 -1 11
59. Kaze Progressa (82) 10 2 5 3 11 13 -2 11
60. Sycoes 10 3 2 5 16 20 -4 11
61. Agnosticium 10 3 2 5 19 22 -5 11
62. Ineptia 10 3 2 5 15 21 -6 11
63. Slops Pit 10 3 2 5 16 24 -8 11
64. Mezitzia (72) 10 3 2 5 9 17 -8 11
65. Hell Bovines 10 3 1 6 11 14 -3 10
66. Dead Man (107) 10 3 1 6 17 21 -4 10
67. Sazland (67) 10 2 4 4 8 13 -5 10
68. Jangle Jangle Ridge 10 3 1 6 13 20 -7 10
69. West Ariddia (57) 10 3 1 6 17 25 -8 10
70. Defari 10 2 3 5 11 18 -7 9
71. Chronos Prime 10 3 0 7 12 20 -8 9
72. Bardai (80) 10 2 3 5 12 21 -9 9
73. Parthenon 10 2 3 5 11 20 -9 9
74. East Spaam 10 1 5 4 14 17 -3 8
75. Alhana Catherine (87) 10 2 2 6 16 20 -4 8
76. Hellfish 10 1 5 4 14 18 -4 8
77. Warnocks Wizards 10 2 2 6 12 19 -7 8
78. Jadonopolos 10 2 2 6 15 23 -8 8
79. Zeronia 10 2 2 6 12 20 -8 8
80. Rave Shentavo (103) 10 1 4 5 15 21 -6 7
81. Northern Kings (108) 10 1 4 5 9 15 -6 7
82. Nadaskor 10 2 1 7 11 20 -9 7
83. N S A 10 2 1 7 11 22 -11 7
84. Coffee Cup 10 2 1 7 8 19 -11 7
85. Memeplex 10 2 1 7 11 27 -16 7
86. New Pavesia 10 0 6 4 12 18 -6 6
87. Zinkoland 10 1 3 6 12 19 -7 6
88. Jekonuam 10 1 3 6 10 17 -7 6
89. Consumer Engineering 10 2 0 8 8 17 -9 6
90. Anti-Nazis 10 2 0 8 10 18 -8 6
91. Carasek 10 1 2 7 13 26 -13 5
92. Male 18 10 1 1 8 12 24 -12 4
[/code:1:c2b9dfcab6]

Thus resulting in 92 teams. The change is basically Dragonian Empire is now 55 and the rest are pushed down by 1.

(Langham Coliseum; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia)
[code:1:56f5a4828d]
Group H P W D L F A GD Pts
Halfassedstates (8) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Bullonien (65) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
The Belmore Family (15) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Audioslavia (13) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
[/code:1:56f5a4828d]

A revenge match against Halfassedstates :D

From the Dennis Citizen-Sun:

World Cup 8 to Get Underway in Bedistan, Oglethorpia

Columbia, FD (BNN) -- The thirty-two national football teams that have proven themselves worthy in the qualifiers are now making their way to the appropriate venues for first-round competition. Half the teams will be playing in Oglethorpia, the other half here in Bedistan.

Of special note is Group E, comprised of Bedistan, Snub Nose 38, Lemmitania, and Gesamtkuntswerk, ranked #5, #10, #20, and #38 in the world respectively. These four teams will battle it out in the largest football venue in Bedistan, Holmes Stadium in Columbia.

"We're ready," commented Bedistan Lions coach Jim Parker. "While all the rest have been out qualifying, we've been preparing ourselves for the Cup, and I must say this team's looking stronger than ever." The team has a new captain this year, as Gene Barber retired after WC7. Star forward Johnny Lewis hopes to lead his team to the ultimate victory in front of the home crowd, with ample help from goalkeeper Olivia Bream, named as part of the all-Cup team in World Cup 7.

Other matches will be taking place in Alexandria, Sonoma City, and the International City. The following map is provided to assist travelers, both foreign and domestic, in finding their destinations.

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bedistan_map.png

"I can't wait," remarked Claire Briscoe. Briscoe is the only starter on this year's team that also plays in the newly formed Bedistan Football League. "Winning the national championship is one thing," says the Graceville Salamander, "but going for the World Cup is quite another."

The One Red Dot Minstry of Endless Remarks and Useless Information (ORDMERUI - pronounced 'ORD-meh-ROO-e') returns after much research and beers at the local pub to bring to the international community more information for more useless minds.


Top 5 Qualified Teams:
[code:1:473fe0b2a2]01 Errinundera
02 Svecia
03 Spaam
04 Runaway Moose
05 Bedistan[/code:1:473fe0b2a2]

Nations that did not qualify for WC7 but qualified for WC8:
[code:1:473fe0b2a2]34 The Lowland Clans
35 Oddslavo
38 Gesamtkuntswerk
46 Gilmeecia
47 Demonic Beings
50 Jacktazea
53 Anataeus Rising
54 Commerce Heights
65 Bullonien[/code:1:473fe0b2a2]

Nations that qualified in WC7 that did not qualify in WC8:
[code:1:473fe0b2a2]11 Dark Outcasts
09 Pure Evil
17 Akbarland
27 Tanah Burung
26 Quohog
19 Total n Utter Insanity[/code:1:473fe0b2a2]

Top 5 Qualified Teams with the Shortest Nation Names:
[code:1:473fe0b2a2]Busby
Spaam
Haraki
Svecia
Timway[/code:1:473fe0b2a2]

Top 7 Qualified Teams with the Longest Nation Names (excluding spaces):
[code:1:473fe0b2a2]Commerce Heights
Europa Brittania
Gesamtkuntswerk
Halfassedstates
The Lowland Clans
Liverpool England
The Belmore Family[/code:1:473fe0b2a2]

There were 34 new nations taking part.

Spaam is ranked third. Twice. In a row.

Only 3 nations that have qualified have entered all 8 World Cups:
[code:1:473fe0b2a2]
Arridia
Europa Brittania
Giant Zucchini[/code:1:473fe0b2a2]

East Spaam never made it.

The following nations have qualified in WC8, but did not qualify in their debut appearance:
[code:1:473fe0b2a2]
WC3 Dennisov
WC3 Kingsford
WC3 Spaam
WC5 Halfassedstates
WC5 The Belmore Family
WC6 Busby
WC6 Liverpool England
WC6 The Lowland Clans
WC6 Timway
WC7 Anataeus Rising
WC7 Bullonien
WC7 Commerce Heights
WC7 Demonic Beings
WC7 Gilmeecia
WC7 Jacktazea
WC7 Oddslavo[/code:1:473fe0b2a2]

Commerce Heights is the only nation to qualify that start with 'C'.
Jacktazea is the only nation to qualify that start with 'J'.
Kingsford is the only nation to qualify that start with 'K'.

Snub Nose 38 is the only nation to qualify that have numbers in their nation name.

The following nations have never failed to qualify for the World Cup:
[code:1:473fe0b2a2]Ariddia
Bedistan
Errinundera
Europa Brittania
Lemmitania
Oglethorpia
One Red Dot
Squornshelous
Svecia[/code:1:473fe0b2a2]

The following nations have qualified and have experienced a finals match:
[code:1:473fe0b2a2]Dennisov
Errinundera
Giant Zucchini
Svecia
Spaam[/code:1:473fe0b2a2]

The following nations are at risk when exposed to Evisceratomatoes:
[code:1:473fe0b2a2]Snub Nose 38[/code:1:473fe0b2a2]

Svecia is ranked second. Twice. Not in a row.

Jacktazea is the only nation that becomes Jackass when corrected by Microsoft(tm) Word(c).

All the nations that have qualified did not skip a World Cup since they had started.

Of the 261 nations that have ever taken part in the World Cup:
[code:1:473fe0b2a2]092 nations have taken part,
050 nations are reported non-existant,
119 nations did not take part.[/code:1:473fe0b2a2]

4 nations, so far, are reported to not use consecutive letters in their nation name to produce their initials:
[code:1:473fe0b2a2]HAS - Halfassedstates
ORD - One Red Dot
TBF - The Belmore Family
TLC - The Lowland Clans[/code:1:473fe0b2a2]
Only HAS and ORD can be pronounced and only HAS is a English word.

Spaam has been mentioned seven times in this report.

Only Audioslavia and Ravenspire were the only two nations to qualify for the WC8 to not be mentioned in this entire report, well, until now that is.

One Red Dot officials have spent too much time organising this report. Rumours put it as little as 1 minute to as large as 72 hours.

Disclaimer: The ORDMERUI is not responsible for the waste of time suffered by you, the reader, and ORDMERUI cannot be sued for an irresponsibility that is committed by you, the reader.

Group F P W D L F A GD Pts
Spaam (3) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Oglethorpia (23) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Europa Brittania (28) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
The Lowland Clans (34) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0





Damn it, I'm doomed again...this is almost as bad as my WC7 group....Spaam leave me alone, and Ogles as well?.....What have I done to deserve this?

Welcome to match of the day, with me Alan Belmore

Today we are doing our pre-world cup build up and to start here is a rundown of the groups

Group A
(James Oglethorpe National Stadium; Midshire, Oglethorpia)
[code:1:de60f48873]
Group A P W D L F A GD Pts
Jacktazea (50) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Haraki (22) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Svecia (2) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Busby (14) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
[/code:1:de60f48873]

Svecia are looking good to take this easily but what will be good to watch is Busby Vs Haraki that'll be a close one.

Group B
(PariMedia Field; Sonoma City, Sonoma, Bedistan)
[code:1:de60f48873]
Group B P W D L F A GD Pts
Gilmeecia (46) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Runaway Moose (4) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Dennisov (18) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Kingsford (30) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
[/code:1:de60f48873]
Runaway Moose are looking favourites here, Dennisov, SHOULD cruise into 2nd.

Group C
(Tripoli Harbor Stadium; Tripoli, Oglethorpia)
[code:1:de60f48873]
Group C P W D L F A GD Pts
Antaeus Rising (53) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Oddslavo (35) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Ravenspire (29) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Demonic Beings (47) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
[/code:1:de60f48873]
Now this will be interesting. Only 1 of the teams here has participated in a world cup before, Ravenspire , and I expect them to take this group with probaly Oddslavo 2nd due to their excellent qualifing run.

Group D
(Unity Stadium; International City of Paripana, Bedistan/Commerce Heights/Lontorica)
[code:1:de60f48873]
Group D P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (54) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Timway (31) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Giant Zucchini (21) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
One Red Dot (16) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
[/code:1:de60f48873]
Well, Timway have a chance, but really for me it's GZ and ORD to take this group.

Group E
(Holmes Stadium; Columbia, Federal District, Bedistan)
[code:1:de60f48873]
Group E P W D L F A GD Pts
Bedistan (5) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Snub Nose 38 (10) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Gesamtkuntswerk (38) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Lemmitania (20) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
[/code:1:de60f48873]
All of these nations are excellent footballers but Bedi and Snub Nose should top the group.

Group F
(Kuruma Stadium; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia)
[code:1:de60f48873]
Group F P W D L F A GD Pts
Spaam (3) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Oglethorpia (23) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Europa Brittania (28) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
The Lowland Clans (34) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
[/code:1:de60f48873]

Yeah, Spaam top then a close battle for 2nd, maybe won by TLC(The Lowland Clans, not Tender Loving Care).


Group G
(Setting Sun Field; Alexandria, Neshoba, Bedistan)
[code:1:de60f48873]
Group G P W D L F A GD Pts
Errinundera (1) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Ariddia (6) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Liverpool England (28) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Squornshelous (12) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
[/code:1:de60f48873]
Well this will be close, but probally won by Ariddia and Errinundera(In that order).

Group H
(Langham Coliseum; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia)
[code:1:de60f48873]
Group H P W D L F A GD Pts
Halfassedstates (8) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Bullonien (65) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
The Belmore Family (15) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Audioslavia (13) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
[/code:1:de60f48873]
Well the biggie, Belmore revenge on Halfassedstates and AS are in there, Bullonien are in for a thumping, but watch out for the AS-Belmore game sheer excitment, tomorrow, a rundown of the squad.

The Bovine Herald
It's official: We are out

Today, the qualfying for World Cup eight has ended. The cow milkers, our national team, couldn't make it and ended fifth on its group and 65th in the overall ranking. The last match was marked by a lost for 3-2 against Yentrofinova.
There have been crowds of bovine football fans at the national airport, some of them wanted to give support to the team, despite its defeat. Others, however, wanted to hurt the players. Anyway, the national police was there and the situation was in full control.
This reporter personally thinks that the world cup overall was a good experience for our team. Sad it was, the fact that we couldn't qualify, but our team is now more experienced and prepared for the future. I guess that we will have to wait a couple of years (NS years, of course) to see our team ready to win the cup again. Until then, this journalist thanks you for your reading and says goodbye to you. Until the next world cup,

Cosmo Penbovine, Journalist of World cup 8 and future journalist of world cup 9

First Round Schedule

Matchday 1:
1 vs 4
2 vs 3

Matchday 2:
1 vs 3
2 vs 4

Matchday 3:
1 vs 2
3 vs 4

DAILY CROCODILE

Touched by greatness...
This year's Errinundera-Tanah Burung exchange player arrives

It was as if a Hollywood movie star had come to town. Not surprising, since football is far more popular than blockbuster movies here.

And with the Crocodiles out of the World Cup, the big football story was the arrival of a young man from Errinundera to the once-quiet village of Findabaya. It’s been 12 years now since Errinundera’s national football squad came here and won the hearts of locals in their first international sports endeavour. That year, they won the nickname Gorillas and won a spot in the World Cup. They were unknowns.

This year is quite different. Where once an Errinundrian footballing prospect coming to the village was greeted with a friendly wave, now the coming of an Errinundrian is the media event of the year. Not surprising, since the unknowns of World Cup 5 are now the defending champions in World Cup 8.

This year’s exchange footballer, waltzingd, may learn some football while he’s in town. But to judge from the media frenzy, he’s here as a teacher and not as a student. For several days, boys and girls from all across Burung Paradis province have been waiting, hoping to touch the Errinundrian prospect, hoping that some of that World Cup magic will rub off on them. It’s a lot of pressure on the visitor.

“Sure, it was overwhelming to be mobbed by so many people as soon as I stepped off the blimp,” said waltzingd. “And I was bowled over when they told me they’d named a special vegetable in my honour.” (The genetically engineered “waltzingdanana” is a banana variant that stays green even when ripe, and is shaped like a long foot.) “And yeah, there’s a lot of kids rubbing up against me and then running away. But you know, there’s something about this village that still makes me feel safe and welcome at the same time. Findabaya’s all they told me it would be.”

In fact, there was a move to have the exchange programme moved to Ukun Rasikan, the largest city, or at least to one of the provincial capitals. Findabaya would have none of that. “The programme belongs to the village people, not to some pembesar big shot in the big city,” head woman Warung Agus declared. “We had to fight them off to keep our programme here. But that’s the thing: it’s our programme, not the government’s.” As a compromise, Agus will still preside over the welcoming ceremony for waltzingd, but seated with her will be no less than 8 of the 11 members of the collective presidency -- as well as oreadest, co-founder of the exchange programme and now captain of the Black-and-Red Army team in the Tanah Burung domestic league, the Liga Sepak Bola.

And Findabaya, at last, will have a stadium instead of a clearing in the rain forest surrounded by platforms lashed to the trees. Constructed, unsurprisingly, in the shape of a long foot, Sepak Stadium seats 35,000 people and will provide a permanent home to Rubber Tappers, now one of the top teams in the Liga Sepak Bola. It was formally inaugurated with a high mass featuring communion being served to an estimated 100,000 people from across the province, all of whom shared in bread, wine and waltzingdananas.

“I sure hope I can live up to all the hoopla,” said waltzingd. “I know some great players have come up through this exchange programmes for both countries. Hopefully, i’ll be good enough to follow in their big footsteps.”

[code:1:5241c5797d]Group G
Errinundera (1)
Ariddia (6)
Liverpool England (28)
Squornshelous (12)
[/code:1:5241c5797d]
Hmm, what to say? We're screwed!

Group E Stats and Upcoming Matches
Venue - Holmes Stadium; Columbia, Federal District, Bedistan
[code:1:84283d4de5]Group E P W D L F A GD Pts
Bedistan (5) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Snub Nose 38 (10) 1 1 0 0 3 1 +2 3
Gesamtkuntswerk (38) 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0
Lemmitania (20) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0[/code:1:84283d4de5]
Matchday 1
Bedistand vs Lemmitania
Snub Nose 38 3 - Gesamtkunstwerk 1

Matchday 2
Bedistan vs Gesamtkunstwerk
Snub Nose 38 vs Lemmitania

Matchday 3
Bedistan vs Snub Nose 38
Gesamtkunstwerk vs Lemmitania

Fútbol Wrapup: Group F Preview

Mike Gray: Hey folks, Mike Gray here with co-host Murray Witcombe. We're gearing up for the first taste of group F action tomorrow as Oglethorpia's World Cup-squad gears up for it's first match of the Cup against longtime veterans Europa Britannia. Murray, give me your initial comments.

Murray Witcombe: Oglethorpia, 23rd in the world, Europa Britannia 28th. Very very level in skill level, and if you ask me, this will be a game of individual preformances. Myself, i'm looking at the three stooges that are Manuel, Tomas and Javier from Tripoli FC.

Mike: Are they really silly enough to be likened to the three stooges?

Murray: Aye, you haven't seen them play.

Mike: So, we're looking at the beginning of true Cup fever. Qualifying has weeded out those in their slumps, and now international fútbol is going to be all over the news in Bedistan and Oglethorpia.

Murray: Oh yes, we'll be lucky if there are no fútbol riots over the madness.

Mike: I'm sure there are huge teams assembled to counter it if it happens.

Murray: It ain't a World Cup if there are no fútbol riots.

Mike: We'll see. Now, how about Spaam vs the Lowland Clans?

Murray: Good luck to the Lowland Clans. They were good through qualifying, but methinks they're going to get killed.

Mike: It looks to be that way. Let's take a look at group F for a moment.

Group F
(Kuruma Stadium; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia)
[code:1:568fbf41fc]
Group F P W D L F A GD Pts
Spaam (3) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Oglethorpia (23) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Europa Brittania (28) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
The Lowland Clans (34) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

[/code:1:568fbf41fc]

Murray: So, we've got Oglethorpia playing to a home crowd. Always nice.

Mike: That crowd is going to be nuts.

Murray: Nuts like...90,000 fans screaming at 22 guys running around and kicking a ball?

http://oglethorpia.free-host.com/stadiums/Kuruma_90,000.jpg

Mike: Aye.

Murray: A madhouse.

Mike: Aye.

Murray: The veritable center of insanity.

Mike: Aye, yes, alright. Enough. Any other comments?

Murray: The best to Oglethorpia's squad hitting the pitch for the first time tomorrow. A thumbs up to Guy Picciotto, a great guy, and hopin' he sticks around for a few more Cups.

Mike: Aye. Keep your eyes on the Oglethorpian World Cup-squad as the Central Oglethorpian Sports Network will be televising the game live. For Murray Witcombe, i'm Mike Gray - tune in tomorrow to catch us again. G'night folks!

The following nations have qualified and have experienced a finals match:
[code:1:76910d5143]Dennisov
Errinundera
Giant Zucchini
Svecia[/code:1:76910d5143]

*coughwhataboutmecough*

I just want to say that I'm getting caught up in a lot of work, but I'm gonna try and finish some RPing.... but if any of you are interested, I had a good holiday :)


Oh, and one team gained 69 places....

Letter from Errinundera

Alistair Take-awaye

Good evening,

When my editor suggested that I visit the legendary, or should I say infamous, country of Errinundera to report on their daily life as the national team, the longfoots, defends its world title, I was of a mind to decline. This strange southern land has becom a byword for repression, injustice, poverty and philistinism. Why would I want to go there? Would the inhabitant of a freedom-loving nation like ours be welcome? Or would I be subject to surveillance? Followed? Harrassed? Most importantly, would I come back alive?

The violence in Errinundera during successive World Cups has been widely reported in Consumer Engineering. In World Cup 5, celebrating supporters destroyed the headquarters of the leading woodchip company, NGDV Ltd. The following cup, for reasons that seem utterly perverse, they tore down the factory of a leading cake manufacturer. On their way to World Cup 7 victory, they demolished every single building belonging to the pioneering company, Ploser Microfibres Ltd. In that year's final the host nation was forced to station an entire infantry division around the stadium in case of riots. Even then, it was reported that parts of the stadium, in particular the temporary stands, were damaged during the match.

So, not only was I afraid that I would be subject to state-sanctioned harrassment but I frankly didn't trust the citizenry either.

Why did I agree to go? For the best reasons anyone has for doing anything: I needed the money. My 32 credit cards are quite a commitment.

And so it was, earlier today, I found myself sailing down the Snowy River bound for McKillops Bridge - my first point of call. I would be staying with a Quohog businessman I had met in Credit City - let's call him John - who is trying to set up a mobile phone company.

Errinundera is not a welcoming nation. For a start, it's surprisingly difficult to even get there. There are no airports in this nation of over 1.6 billion. So you can't fly in. Now, consult your atlases: this place is landlocked. So don't plan on getting there by cruise ship. Cars have been banned. I kid you not. So you can't drive there. Due to their abhorrence of nuclear power they refuse to connect their electricity grid to the adjoining nations. So there are no connecting rail lines.

It seems that the only way in is by boat or raft down the Snowy River, only navigable waterway in East Gippsland that crosses the border. Apparently you can hike but the walking tracks are reported to be poorly marked and notoriously dangerous. Besides, the thought of bushwalking with all my luggage was most unappealling.

Now wonder this isolationist place has been described as being protected by the bush curtain.

My boat was a delapidated old thing that had been dot-painted every hue you could imagine. White noise, you might say. The owner was a lachrymose woman as I shall shortly explain. My fellow passengers were mostly an impoverished lot who seemed to be illegal immigrants without papers or authorisation. I feared for their safety on arrival at McKillops Bridge.

My host, who insisted on my calling her, by what seemed to me to be an email address, annaz, fussed over all the travellers. She gave my passport a cursory glance and promptly dubbed me sfood. This richly amused the 2 or 3 other Errinundrians on board who thereafter insisted on using this appellation.

As we slowly steered our way downstream she enquired into the histories of each traveller in turn. I became convinced that she was an informer. Oddly enough, the immigrants spoke of themselves freely. Their stories were full of hardship. Some had risked life and limb to get to Errinundera. Did they know what they were getting themselves into? All totalitarian nations I have ever visited have been uniformly nasty and drab. How long before they regretted spending their life savings to obtain a passage here? As the travellers told their tales, annaz wept with them. Not only an informer, but a prize actor as well.

As if to reinforce the welcome ahead the countryside was appropriately barren. Stunted pines and eucalypts sparesly covered the dry hills on either side of the river. This couldn't be the infamous Errinundrian rainforest. What sort of misinformation had got out into the world about this place?

After six hours down the river I realized we were approaching a major city. On my left the water lapped against cliffs. Carved into the cliffs were, I suppose, dwellings and other places where Errinundrians do their business. On my right the riverside houses and other buildings became denser and denser until it was clear that we were approaching the centre of town.

We came around one final bend and before us appeared a scene I will not forget to my dying day. Here the river is about half a kilometre across. From the clifftops on my left, a broad staircase slowly descended to the opposite river flats. This staircase was supported by a pair of beautiful parabolic arches whose delicate form belied the grand scale of the construction.

At the summit of the bridge was a huge red granite palace with fairytale turrets and domes. In the distance beyond, on the side of a steep hill, I could see a gigantic white building - a temple perhaps.

Also, on the edge of the cliff, just a little way down from the palace was the three side football stadium - the Milosis Coliseum. What a view the supporters and players must have from there!

The boat edge its way over to the docks on the river flats. More surprises awaited me. annaz moored at an empty jetty and travellers began to disembark. To my astonishment they just wandered off into the city. I stood on the pier with my passport. I had taken the precaution of including in the pages a large sum of Errinundrian waratahs - the local currency. Who was I to give it to? I saw a sign on the pier, next to an enormous structure.

The sign read:

Please leave meat, leather, guns and cars in bin provided

I was so taken aback that I complied. Off came my shoes and belt. What about my suitcases and my wallet? I suppose I should be grateful I hadn't brought a car.

At this moment John came to my rescue. He had thoughtfully brought along some state-approved non-leather gear so, suitably attired, we caught one of the thousands of trams and made our way to John's house.

As the tram clattered its way I wondered about the legendary housetrees of Errinundera. Did they really exist?

(Langham Coliseum; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia)
[code:1:c298389a3c]
Group H P W D L F A GD Pts
Halfassedstates (8) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Bullonien (65) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
The Belmore Family (15) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Audioslavia (13) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
[/code:1:c298389a3c]

A revenge match against Halfassedstates :D

Halfassedstates have their first chance to get revenge at Audioslavia for their 4-0 thumping all of.... i dunno, 13 years ago? ;)

As far as i know, we dont need to get revenge on TBF but you should still start running ;) (ya sheep-molesting don :P)

this has been an off-record anouncement by Jeremy Jaffacake, G'night bitches

[code:1:342a533658]49. Total n Utter Insanity (19) 10 3 4 3 16 15 +1 13[/code:1:342a533658]

roflmaolol! ;)

superpower my arse :P

Some of the RP'ing non-qualifiers have been invited to take part in a special parallel tournament: http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1756549#1756549

'Game of the Day' theme fades;
GL: Hello, I'm Gary Luniker and this is our WC qualifying round-up.
Once again, the Halfassed side have managed to qualify for the WC proper.
The teams undefeated run came to a shuddering halt at Svecia in game 5, and amazingly the unranked newcomers, Jekonaum managed to hold Halfassed to a second draw in the return match in game 6.
The team finally got back to winning ways in the next couple of games, against Bardai and LordSquall.
That took us into a crunch game against Simba Polo. Simba Polo were third in the group, 6points behind Halfassed. If they won, the Halfassed side would have had to get something off Svecia in the final game to ensure qualification (no easy task!!) In the end Halfassed were able to get the point needed to qualify, thanks to a 31st minute header from Nea Hope.
Having already qualified and having no chance of catching Svecia, the final game was pretty meaningless for the top 2 seeds, both of whom fielded weakened sides. Once again Svecia came out on top, scoring another 3 although Halfassed did manage to get a consolation late on.

That left the final table looking like this;
[code:1:9e2536fdd0]
Group 2 P W D L F A GD Pts
Svecia (2) 10 8 1 1 25 11 +14 25
Halfassedstates (8) 10 5 3 2 22 13 +9 18
LordSquall (42) 10 3 3 4 16 16 0 12
Simba Polo 10 3 3 4 9 16 -7 12
Bardai (80) 10 2 3 5 12 21 -9 9
Jekonuam 10 1 3 6 10 17 -7 6
[/code:1:9e2536fdd0]

Goal Scorers:
Crewgar 8
Hope 5
Bundy 4
Wallace 3
J.King 2

Goals Conceeded:
O'Malley 9 in 8 games
Wayman 4 in 2 games.

AH: It was very disappointing to finish so far behind Svecia, but the team did what was needed and got us into the big league again!

GL: Very true Alun. Indeed the Dark Outcasts team failed to make it and actually finished the qualifiers with 19 points!

AH: Just goes to show you doesn't it!

GL: eh?

AH: Points ain't all that count!

GL: ok then.... anyway, now that the draw has been made for the finals, lets look at who we'll be up against.
First Round Groups

Group H
(Langham Coliseum; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia)
[code:1:9e2536fdd0]
Group H P W D L F A GD Pts
Halfassedstates (8) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Bullonien (65) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
The Belmore Family (15) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Audioslavia (13) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

[/code:1:9e2536fdd0]

GL: A difficult group Alun?

AH: Certainly, all the groups at this stage are going to be though Gary, and if you look at some of the other groups, I don't think Sir James will complain too much about the draw!

GL: Well I suppose thats true, I'm certainly glad we're in H and not G!!

AH: *grins + nods his head*

GL: Anyway, first up for Halfassed will be Audioslavia! What do you think on that one?

AH: Should be a tight game Audio scraped through their group on goal diffwerence, but that doesn't mean they will be a push over, and remember, the only time we've played them was way back in WC5 when they pummelled us 0-4.

GL: But we were just starting in the game then!

AH: True, we have improved, but Audio are still a force to be reckoned with!

GL: Ok then, game 2 - The Belmore Family.

AH: Another strong team, we just made it past them in the second round of WC7. They went well in qualifying and knocked out Tanah Burung in the process.

GL: Yep a slight surprise to see TB miss out, but TBF are gunning for revenge.

AH: Yes, their media is already billing it as Belmore Vs Halfassed - The Revenge! But they can't afford to focus too much on one game!

GL: Well, it shoud be interesting, finally our third game in the group will be against Bullonien - a bit of an unknown quality, and the lowest ranked team in the finals!

AH: Thats true Gary, but you've got to remember that this side stormed through their qualifying group, beating Ravenspire and Dark Outcasts to top the group. So they will be full of confidence, the only question maybe if they can cope with the added pressure that you get in the WC finals!

GL: Finally, lets take a quick look at the stadium where group h games will be played.

First Round Stadiums

Langham Coliseum
Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia

http://oglethorpia.free-host.com/stadiums/Langham_65,000.jpg
Capacity: 65,000

AH: An impressive stadium. All reports that i've heard say it has an excellent playing surface, so lets hope for some great football!

GL: indeed. Unfortunatly, thats all we've got time for tonight folks, join us tomorrow for highlights of the first games!

AH: Goodnight

OOC: Oh my God, we qualified :) and this without me having any time to check the boards. I'll try to be more attentive during the cup, but I'll be gone until monday so....

In the meantime: go team! We might be the _by far_ lowest ranking nation in our group, but we'll sure give them a run for their money. Gold, gold gold!

Selected odds for WC8 (taken from the Halfassed Gambling Post)

Evns Fav - Svecia, Runaway Moose
2-1 - Errinundera, Spaam, Bedistan
3-1 - Halfassedstates
5-1 - Arriddia
8-1 - Snub Nose 38, Audioslavia, Squornshelous, One Red Dot
10-1 - Busby, Ravenspire, Oglethorpia, The Belmore Family, Lemmitania

30-1 - Gilmeecia, Bullonien

Svecia and Runaway are regarded as favourites after their qualifying performances and the relative strength of their first round groups
Champions Errinundera, runners-up Spaam and hosts Bedistan are all receiving a lot of money in Halfassed, as is the home team which has shortened their odds to 3-1.
Rank outsiders include Group H opponents Bullonien and fellow FIFA region qualifiers Gilmeecia

In the meantime: go team! We might be the _by far_ lowest ranking nation in our group, but we'll sure give them a run for their money. Gold, gold gold!
In case you haven't noticed, you're also the lowest-ranking nation in the Cup. :P
Commerce Heights is second-lowest. ;)
Commerce Heights Team Prepares For First World Cup Match Against One Red Dot
INTERNATIONAL CITY - Could the Commerce Heights World Cup schedule start off any worse?
The first game is against #16 One Red Dot. Then it's #21 Giant Zucchini, the team that won World Cup III. Then #31 Timway, the first nation to copy PariMedia's then-unique team statistics table (One Red Dot was second).
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 11: vs #16 One Red Dot at Int'l City
Day 12: vs #21 Giant Zucchini at Int'l City
Day 13: vs #31 Timway at Int'l City

The enthusiasm of the estimated 45,000 Manhattanites to appear at the ORD game is not shared by the coaching staff. "We're in way over our heads here in this group," remarked head coach Thomas Weburg. "Next time we'll come in to this with a higher rank, and we might actually have a chance." When asked what the team's rank had to do with its performance, he declined to answer, blaming it on 'one of those weird little out-of-character things'. (OOC: :P )

30-1 - Gilmeecia, Bullonien
Does that mean you think Bullonien has a chance? And that CH doesn't? ;)

Sits and waits for result.

The Freedom Papers – Evening Edition

ORD May See Light of Second Round after 16 Years

The citizens of One Red Dot are in jubilation as ORD now officially enters WCVIII. Although the 1-1 draw against Oddslavo proved to be a little disappointing, the group arrangements have proved to be advantageous to us. But each day makes ORD play against opponents whose rank progresses up the ladder. All matches dor Group D will be played in International City.

WCVIII Group 6 Qualifying Table:
[code:1:e156c6bd0a]Q/E Group 6 (Day 10) P W D L F A GD Pts
Qlf 35 Oddslavo 10 7 2 1 21 9 +12 23
Qlf 16 One Red Dot 10 6 1 3 17 12 +5 19
Elm 68 The Weegies 10 4 2 4 16 16 0 14
Elm 1900s Oglethorpia 10 4 0 6 22 27 -5 12
Elm 107 Dead Man 10 3 1 6 17 21 -4 10
Elm Chronos Prime 10 3 0 7 12 20 -8 9[/code:1:e156c6bd0a]

ORD World Cup Record:
[code:1:e156c6bd0a]World Cup WC4 WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8(based on qualifiers up to Day 10)
Matches Played 9 10 17 13 10

Wins 3 5 9 9 6
Draws 3 0 7 1 1
Losses 3 5 1 3 3

Goals For 9 17 31 31 17
Average GF 1.00 1.70 1.82 2.38 1.70
Goals Against 10 16 16 9 12
Average GA 1.11 1.60 0.94 0.69 1.20
Goal Diff. –1 +1 +15 +22 +5
Average GD -0.11 0.11 0.88 1.69 0.50

Total Matches 9 19 36 49 59

Acc. Wins 3 8 17 26 32
Acc. Draws 3 3 10 11 12
Acc. Losses 3 8 9 12 15

Accumulated GF 9 26 57 88 105
Ave. Acc. GF 1.00 1.37 1.58 1.80 1.78
Accumulated GA 10 26 42 51 63
Ave. Acc. GA 1.11 1.37 1.17 1.04 1.07
Accumulated GD -1 0 +15 +37 +42
Ave. Acc. GD -0.11 0 0.42 0.76 0.71

Average Opp. Rank 64.67 65.20 52.80 53.38 91.38
Highest Opp. Rank 12 5 8 7 21
Lowest Opp. Rank 100 100 100 100 150

Pre-Match Rank 100 27 30 22 16

*Rounding-ups/downs may cause calculative errors in the table.[/code:1:e156c6bd0a]


Commerce Heights

Second time contender Commerce Heights has earned their place in the World Cup, but as they are ranked 54th, it will be difficult for them to proceed any further. So far, we have no playing experience against them.

Timway

Timway has come into the world cup for the second time but with a 31st rank and a first battle against former World Cup winner Giant Zucchini, it might prove to be a real morale dropper. We also have no playing experience against them.


Giant Zucchini

This is the second time ORD is playing against 21st rank Giant Zucchini. The first time was in WC5, also in the Group Stage, also on the third day where ORD lost 0-1. At that time GZ was 5th and ORD was 27th. However, with the state of performance since then, ORD chances may have a higher chance of winning.


Now for an experts (somewhat) opinion on who might and might not make it through to the next round.

Group A @ James Oglethorpe National Stadium; Midshire, Oglethorpia
[code:1:e156c6bd0a]Group A P W D L F A GD Pts
Jacktazea (50) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Haraki (22) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Svecia (2) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Busby (14) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0[/code:1:e156c6bd0a]

Svecia will have no problems making it through and Jacktazea will have difficulty. However Haraki might have a chance, but Busby won’t let them pass so easily.

Group B @ PariMedia Field; Sonoma City, Sonoma, Bedistan
[code:1:e156c6bd0a]Group B P W D L F A GD Pts
Gilmeecia (46) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Runaway Moose (4) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Dennisov (18) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Kingsford (30) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0[/code:1:e156c6bd0a]

Runaway Moose can blindfold themselves and still make it. Dennisov should make it too but Kingsford also have a shot at it. Gilmeecia may not have any hope but may draw a match or two.

Group C @ Tripoli Harbor Stadium; Tripoli, Oglethorpia
[code:1:e156c6bd0a]Group C P W D L F A GD Pts
Antaeus Rising (53) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Oddslavo (35) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Ravenspire (29) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Demonic Beings (47) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0[/code:1:e156c6bd0a]

With only one team qualifying before and the rest of them newbies in the international scene, this may prove to be most difficult to predict as the results may go anywhere.
However, I believ that Ravenspire can go through and Oddslavo also making it too.

Group D @ Unity Stadium; International City of Paripana, Bedistan/Commerce Heights/Lontorica
[code:1:e156c6bd0a]Group D P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (54) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Timway (31) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Giant Zucchini (21) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
One Red Dot (16) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0[/code:1:e156c6bd0a]

Despite being sounding biased, I say that I, ORD can go through (finally, after 4 WCs) and GZ will have no problems to unless Timway can provide a few upsets.

Group E @ Holmes Stadium; Columbia, Federal District, Bedistan[u]
[code:1:e156c6bd0a]Group E P W D L F A GD Pts
Bedistan (5) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Snub Nose 38 (10) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Gesamtkuntswerk (38) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Lemmitania (20) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0[/code:1:e156c6bd0a]

All of them are prominent in the WC and have proven they can pass the Group Stage, but this second most competitive group would see Bedistan and SN38 going through with Lemmitania having a chance also if they bring some Evisceratomatoes along. (Evisceratomatoes aren't banned in Bedistan, right?)

[u]Group F @ Kuruma Stadium; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia
[code:1:e156c6bd0a]Group F P W D L F A GD Pts
Spaam (3) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Oglethorpia (23) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Europa Brittania (28) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
The Lowland Clans (34) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0[/code:1:e156c6bd0a]

Spaam is definitely the favourites here and Oglethorpia might go through if EB can’t break them

Group G @ Setting Sun Field; Alexandria, Neshoba, Bedistan
[code:1:e156c6bd0a]Group G P W D L F A GD Pts
Errinundera (1) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Ariddia (6) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Liverpool England (28) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Squornshelous (12) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0[/code:1:e156c6bd0a]

This has to be the ultimate Group of Death in this World Cup. Errinundera would certainly go through but I’m leaning to the more experienced Arridia and the more consistent Squornshelous. Unfortunately, we know that a certain force *ahemspreadsheetcough* might prove otherwise.

[u]Group H @ Langham Coliseum; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia[u]
[code:1:e156c6bd0a]Group H P W D L F A GD Pts
Halfassedstates (8) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Bullonien (65) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
The Belmore Family (15) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Audioslavia (13) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0[/code:1:e156c6bd0a]

Halfassedstates will go through but the Belmore Family-Audioslavia match will determine which of the two will join Halfassedstates.

Halfassedstates have their first chance to get revenge at Audioslavia for their 4-0 thumping all of.... i dunno, 13 years ago? ;)

Reminds me, next world cup, we need to play each other. You still need revenge for 2 (I think) as you so eloquently put it 4-0 butt-rapings :twisted:

And thanks for the vote of confidence ORD.

Kikere, Coach of Gilmeecia

A tragedy in three acts

Dramatis Personae

Lou Gilsterson, president of Gileecia
Bi Kikere, coach of the national football club
Ned Itchlesby, foreign minister of Gilmeecia and brother-in-law to the president
Morris Horshackio, assistant coach of the national football club

footballers:
Gilgo Gobbins
Gilgabody Gilmooster
Rose Krantzengil
Moe Guildenstern
Bix Gilderbecke
Wrench Cargill
Moola Moostergil

Esther, sister to Lou and wife to Ned
Gillian Gilquest, reporter
Gig Milkerson, press secretary to the president

Ministers, reporters, players, coaches, and other non-speaking parts

Zombie of Lou’s cousin Moola.

Scene: Gilmeecia

[code:1:4b2d4b0e8e]Act I : Scene 1

ENTER Gobbins and Gilderbecke, two players, (meeting).

Gobbins
Who’s there?
Gilderbecke
Nay, you tell me. Stand and unfold yourself.
Gobbins
Unfold myself? What in hell does that mean?
Gilderbecke
Gilgo?
Gobbins
Yeh.
Gilderbecke
You sneak most carefully at this late hour.
Gobbins
Well, it’s twelve. Curfew. Got to get to bed.
Gilderbecke
Well, I’m glad it’s just you. It’s bitter cold,
And I am sick with heartburn.
Gobbins
What did you eat, tacos?
Gilderbecke Yeh. With molé.
Gobbins
Well, good night.
If you see Cargill and Horschackio,
Who tried to steal my watch, tell them hurry.

ENTER Cargill and Horschackio.

Gilderbecke
I think I hear them. Stand ho! Who is there?
Horschackio
Who the hell do you think?
Cargill Kickfooters, dude.
Gobbins
Arright then, g’nite, bitches.
Cargill Okay. ‘night.
Who’s that there?
Gobbins Who you think? It’s Gilderbecke.
Hoser. EXIT Gobbins.
Cargill Hoy, Gilderbecke!
Gilderbecke Yo, Cargill. Say,
What, is Horschackio there?
Horschackio And his piece.
Gilderbecke
Howdy, Horschackio. ‘sup there, Cargill?
Horschackio
So, this thing appeared again tonight, then?
Gilderbecke
I ain’t seen nothin’.
Cargill
Horschackio thinks we’ve got the Jeebies,
And never believes anything we say,
Even though we’ve all seen this thing twice now.
So I dragged him out here with us tonight
So if the freaky stuff happens again,
He’ll stop telling us to get our eyes checked.
Horschackio
You guys are all wack in the head.
Gilderbecke Sit down
And let us tell you about it again,
Since you disbelieve the whole damn story,
And think we were tripping these last two nights.
Horschackio
Oh, yeh, please, tell me about it again.
Gilderbecke
Drop the sarcasm and open your mind.
Last night, when that same star up in the West
Had climb’d right to that point where it is now,
Me and Cargill, right after the curfew--

ENTER Zombie.

Cargill
Look, look, dude, shuddup! There it is again!
Gilderbecke
For sure, it’s the president’s dead cousin.
Cargill
You’re a coach, talk to it, Horschackio.
Gilderbecke
Don’t that look like Moola? Huh, Horschackio?
Horschackio
Just like. It freaks me out with fear and awe.
Gilderbecke
It wants to talk to someone.
Cargill Talk to it, Coach.
Horschackio
What are you, creeping around in the night,
Looking like the president’s dead cousin?
And here, where Moola used to hang out? Speak!
Cargill
It is offended.
Gilderbecke See, it’s stumbling off.
Horschackio
Stay! Talk, you! I told you, talk! EXIT Zombie.
Cargill
It’s gone, and it won’t answer.
Gilderbecke
‘Sup, Horschackio? You’re shaky and pale.
Isn’t this something more than a bad trip?
What do you think about it?
Horschackio
I swear to god, I wouldn’t believe it
If I hadn’t seen it clear as daylight
With my own eyeballs.
Cargill Looks like Moola, right?
Horschackio
Totally, totally. That was the shirt
He wore during the big football friendly
Against Brazillico, in which he played
And shortly thereafter was found, all dead
In a dumpster. Except, they stripped the shirt
From off his body and put it on Ned--
The Foreign Minister, I mean, ‘cause, well,
Moola passed out and had to leave the game.
You remember that? ‘Tis strange.
Cargill
And that was twice before, after curfew,
With shambling steps he’s gone stalking past us.
Horschackio
I don’t know exactly how it’ll go,
But if you want to know my opinion,
This doesn’t bode well for Gilmeecia.
Cargill
So dude, Coach, I mean, you’re like, tight with her--
Head Coach Kikere, I’m talking about--
And, I presume, you know a thing or two.
What’s the deal with Ground Forces on alert,
With their napalm-launchers at the ready,
And the Special Tactics agents crawling
Every-which-where like a bunch of bugs
Looking for some tasty crumbs to chomp on--
And the whole country seeming to prepare
For war, day and night and night and day and--
You know what I’m talking about?
Horschackio For sure.
At least, I’ve overheard Coach Kikere,
And snuck a peek at her private journals.
It seems our great good president, ol’ Lou,
The cousin of the zombie we just saw,
Is totally apeshit for a Hellmouth.
Now that, in and of itself, is no news.
Everybody’s seen him on TV,
Calling on the Lemmitanian gov’t,
To release its claim on Lemmington,
Or to be more precise, the underground
Beneath Lemmington, where there’s graves and shit.
Well, Kikere, for one, is dubious.
She doesn’t think Lou believes in Hellmouths,
Or any other spooky-like kind of
Creepy, wiggy, supernatural crap.
He doesn’t believe in any Zombies,
Nor dire-FIFA spiders; it’s all a ploy.
What Lou really wants, so Kikere thinks,
Is the Lemmington sewers. They’re top-notch.
Really good waste-disposal. No backups;
No flooding; no oozing cracks in the streets
Releasing raw sewage into the shops;
No manholes exploding like crap-geysers.
Apparently the only pollution
In Lemmington is political tracts
People have tossed aside, after reading.
That’s what Lou’s really after, bless his soul.
Clean streets, unclogged by human fecal waste.
But he knows Lemmitania too well.
They won’t capitulate, so mark my words--
He’s ready to go to war for sewers.
Gilderbecke
I think you’ve got it right, but even so,
Well, it may be this pretentious Zombie
Comes to us looking so like Lou’s cousin
To say, both Zombies and Hellmouths are real.
Horschackio
It’s like a speck of dust on your eyeball
That, working its way back into your head,
Traverses the skull and lodges itself
Firmly within the brain. Or, to be more
Poetical, a mote in the mind’s eye.
I could go on, but why bother with it?

ENTER Zombie.

But dudes, behold! There, it’s coming again!
I’ll cross it, though it might bite me. Zombie!
If you remember what talking is, speak!
(It spreads his arms)
What’s that supposed to mean? Speak, I told you!
If you’re a sign, you’d best be plain. I mean,
What’s the point coming all the way from Hell,
Just to deliver a message to us,
Only to gargle at us and moan, “Braaaaains!”
(The cock crows)
Speak, dude! Stay, and speak! Stop him, Gilderbecke!
Gilderbecke
Should I hit him in the head with a rock?
Horschackio
Yeh, if it tries to get away! (They strike at it.)
Gilderbecke Here!
Horschackio There!
Cargill
It’s gone. (EXIT Zombie.)
Man, that was, like, totally wrong of us,
Trying to crank it in the head with rocks,
‘Cause it’s an invulnerable Zombie,
And our vain smacks just piss it off big time.
Gilderbecke
It was about to speak when the cock crew.
Horschackio
And then it started like a guilty dude
Being called by a horrifying, like,
Rooster-monster. Or something. I don’t know.
Whatever frightens a zombie crap-less.
That’s what it looked like when it jumped, I’d say.
Cargill
It turned green on the crowing of the cock.
Some say that Zombies are scared of roosters.
Horshackio
I’ve heard that too, and I think there’s some truth.
But dig, it’s morning now, and we’re still here,
Talking in the street, and high time we split.
I think we should go tell what we’ve observed
To Coach Kikere; for, upon my life,
This Zombie, dumb to us, will speak to her.
At least, metaphorically. Probably.
Don’t you guys think that’s what we should do now?
Cargill
Yeh, and I know where she’ll be this morning.

EXEUNT.
[/code:1:4b2d4b0e8e]

From here on, we’ll depart, rather, from the words of the immortal (or perhaps, simply undead) Bard.

All matches will be played in International City, Bedistan.
OOC: The International City is not in Bedistan! ;)
IC: The Commerce Heights government is appalled by One Red Dot's relative lack of common sense (why would the 'International City' be in a country?). :P

I will now be telegramming the results of all first-day matchups, with the exceptions of Oglethorpia vs Europa Brittania and Bedistan vs Lemmitania. In the interest of fairness, and in keeping with the tradition of past World Cups, we have decided to let someone else generate those results. If any of you (preferably previous hosts) are interested, please feel free to do so. I would wait to get a consensus on who should do it, but I kind of think we need to get this underway.

Anyway: Scores will be arriving in your telegram boxes shortly.

Kaze Progressa are interested in fulfilling that role. We may not be previous hosts, but we're ready. Besides, we're future hosts, we hope. :)

OOC: If you can convert it to Lotus 1-2-3 format, do so - 1-2-3 isn't 100% happy with Excel files, though it did work with TBF's Field Hockey World Cup result spreadsheet.

A royal, gold, and black plane arrives at the Sonoma City airport.
"It would've been much more convenient to play in Oglethorpia, it's only a half an hour south" Said keeper John Thompson to Dan Halls, the coach.
"Well, it's the best we could do. Hey, we qualified, didn't we?"
The fasten seatbelt sign went off, and the entire team and staff got out of their seats. At the gate, a small contingent of fans waving Kingsford flags was waiting.
"That's it? That's the welcome party?" Asked Brian Cartanial, a 1st year reserve.
"Just wait." Grinned 6 cup veteran Winn Easton. "Just wait..."

A royal, gold, and black plane arrives at the Sonoma City airport.
"It would've been much more convenient to play in Oglethorpia, it's only a half an hour south" Said keeper John Thompson to Dan Halls, the coach.
"Well, it's the best we could do. Hey, we qualified, didn't we?"
The fasten seatbelt sign went off, and the entire team and staff got out of their seats. At the gate, a small contingent of fans waving Kingsford flags was waiting.
"That's it? That's the welcome party?" Asked Brian Cartanial, a 1st year reserve.
"Just wait." Grinned 6 cup veteran Winn Easton. "Just wait..."

A royal, gold, and black plane arrives at the Sonoma City airport.
"It would've been much more convenient to play in Oglethorpia, it's only a half an hour south" Said keeper John Thompson to Dan Halls, the coach.
"Well, it's the best we could do. Hey, we qualified, didn't we?"
The fasten seatbelt sign went off, and the entire team and staff got out of their seats. At the gate, a small contingent of fans waving Kingsford flags was waiting.
"That's it? That's the welcome party?" Asked Brian Cartanial, a 1st year reserve.
"Just wait." Grinned 6 cup veteran Winn Easton. "Just wait..."

A royal, gold, and black plane arrives at the Sonoma City airport.
"It would've been much more convenient to play in Oglethorpia, it's only a half an hour south" Said keeper John Thompson to Dan Halls, the coach.
"Well, it's the best we could do. Hey, we qualified, didn't we?"
The fasten seatbelt sign went off, and the entire team and staff got out of their seats. At the gate, a small contingent of fans waving Kingsford flags was waiting.
"That's it? That's the welcome party?" Asked Brian Cartanial, a 1st year reserve.
"Just wait." Grinned 6 cup veteran Winn Easton. "Just wait..."

Errinundera-3
Squornshelous-3

This could be the first time I've ever been happy about a tie. :)

Kaze Progressa are interested in fulfilling that role. We may not be previous hosts, but we're ready. Besides, we're future hosts, we hope. :)

OOC: If you can convert it to Lotus 1-2-3 format, do so - 1-2-3 isn't 100% happy with Excel files, though it did work with TBF's Field Hockey World Cup result spreadsheet.

Sounds good, though I'll have to check with Ogle, of course. As for conversions, the program I have can't convert to Lotus, but I can just send the spreadsheet to Ogle (which I'll need to do anyway) and have him convert it, because I'm sure Excel can do that. ;)

The plan is for World Cup 5 host Tanah Burung to do the Bedistan-Oglethorpia matches, if he's up to it.

Also, if you want tables, kindly do them yourself; if no one in the group does 'em, I guess it means no one cares, heh.

Commerce Heights Bulldogs Upset One Red Dot
INTERNATIONAL CITY - Nobody expected the performance shown by the #54 Commerce Heights Bulldogs (6-4-1, 1-0-0) today in the International City against #16 One Red Dot (6-1-4, 0-0-1) - not even the more-than-predicted 46,021 Manhattanites that showed up in Unity Stadium from all over Commerce Heights. ORD was able to score very early in the game, and remained ahead 1-0 for the entire first half. A 58th-minute goal by Quigley equalized the score at 1-1. The game appeared to be ending in a 1-1 tie when Cahalane, kicker of the other CH 'miracle goal' against Warnocks Wizards, got the ball in the net in the 88th minute. ORD was unable to get past goalkeeper Dirk Vojtilo, who recently recovered from his injuries obtained during the Warnocks Wizards match, and the game ended in favor of the Bulldogs.
(54) Commerce Heights 2 (Quigley 58, Cahalane 88 )
(16) One Red Dot 1 - FT
The Timway-Giant Zucchini match is still in progress, but the Group D table currently stands as follows:
[code:1:3c6d96f553]Group D–International City P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (54) 1 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
Timway (31) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Giant Zucchini (21) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
One Red Dot (16) 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0[/code:1:3c6d96f553]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 11: vs #16 One Red Dot – W 2-1
Day 12: vs #21 Giant Zucchini
Day 13: vs #31 Timway
Statistics
[code:1:3c6d96f553] Overall WC7 WC8
Games Played 21 10 11
Wins 9 3 6
Draws 7 3 4
Losses 5 4 1
Avg. Opp. Rank 81.0 62.6 91.8
Highest Opp. Rank 16 18 16
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 16 18 16
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.7 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.4 1.8 1.0 gpg
Goal Differential +5 -3 +8
Rank 100 54[/code:1:3c6d96f553]
OOC: :shock:

Nasty coach.

So there were no dead nations that qualified? No fair. :evil:

[OOC: Nope, we got lucky this time; every one of the 32 qualifiers is still in existence, and I didn't notice any that would be falling off the face of the earth any time soon. :twisted:]

TIMWAY OPENS WITH VICORY OVER GIANT ZUCCHINI

Timway opened WC8 with a smashing victory over 21 seed Giant Zucchini. In ideal fashion, the Timway offense struck for an early score, with Horatio Alexander putting a head into the net in the 8th minute off of the Mendelson corner. GZ quickly beat Anton Carlsson for the equalizer in minute 20, and the score remained 1-1 until half. In the second half, Timway again came out firing, notching several near misses in the first ten minutes of the half before finally breaking through for the lead on a Basso strike from just inside the box in the 56th minute. GZ again stepped up the pressure, but the Tigers defense held (first time for everything, I suppose), and Timway has secured its biggest win in cup history. The team takes on the group's top seed, One Red Dot, in its next game.

Timway 2 (Alexander 8, Basso 56)
Giant Zucchini 1 (player, 20)

Group D [code:1:a25ef7f7f5]
Squad P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (54) 1 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
Timway (31) 1 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
Giant Zucchini (21) 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
One Red Dot (16) 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
[/code:1:a25ef7f7f5]

Errinundera-3
Squornshelous-3

This could be the first time I've ever been happy about a tie. :)

Could be the first (and probably last) time I've been UNhappy about drawing with a side ranked # 12.

ERR goals: sorais (7), longipesp (80), joyhilla (83)
ERR best: longipesp, codith, melanoxylona

I believe that a full report will be coming from the Consumer Engineer correspondent Alistair Take-away (aka sfood to Errinundrians) this evening local time.

Preview: (54) Commerce Heights vs (21) Giant Zucchini @ Unity Stadium
INTERNATIONAL CITY - Tomorrow's games in Group D will pit the winners of today's games against the losers. #31 Timway defeated #21 Giant Zucchini 2-1, and #54 Commerce Heights beat #16 One Red Dot by the same score. Tomorrow, CH plays GZ and Timway plays ORD.
[code:1:4b32ddad64]Group D–International City P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (54) 1 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
Timway (31) 1 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
Giant Zucchini (21) 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
One Red Dot (16) 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0[/code:1:4b32ddad64]
CH-GZ World Cup 8 Statistics
[code:1:4b32ddad64] CH GZ
Games Played 11 11
Wins 6 7
Draws 4 1
Losses 1 3
Avg. Opp. Rank 91.8 85.0
Highest Opp. Rank 16 10
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 16 10
Avg. Offense 1.7 1.7 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.0 0.8 gpg
Goal Differential +8 +10
Rank 54 21[/code:1:4b32ddad64]

OOC: Gilmeecia, brilliant! :D


IC:
Ariddia v. Liverpool England


Boris (commentator): "Welcome to Ariddia's first match in this ninth edition of the World Cup! On paper, this is the easiest match for the team in this Group of Death. Simon?"

Simon: "On paper, yes. Ariddia can't afford to slip up here, as they'll have to face two tough opponents later, including the defending champion. It's perhaps a bad omen that goalkeeper David al-Jibai sprained his ankle in training two days ago, and is going to miss out."

Boris: "Well, as Khan said, the team needs to know how to adapt. Let's take a look at today's roster."


GK: Quentin Grey (23)
DEF: Jean Cerf (4), Jon Quinez (16), Wn Wahd (20), Wesley Davidson (1)
MID: Ranjit Khan (7, capt), Luc N’tula (12), Kazushi Tomson (5), Victor Menuisier (14)
ATT: Raphael Ford (2), Yte Nyussun (6)


Boris: "Kim is staying out of this game, as she's standing by to be a substitute goalkeeper if needed. But Khan and Ford are both here for the opening match."


48th minute:
Boris: "And for the first time in a long time, Ariddia begins the second half of a match being led two-nil!"

Simon: "This is bad, very bad. I'm surprised there have been no substitutions."

Boris: "There never are in this team, are there? Well, Khan passes to Tomson. Tomson evades defence, passes to Nyussun. Intercepted... Tomson gets it back... Shoots! Parried by defence, shot back to the other end of the pitch. Oh, and a gaping hole in Ariddia's defence there! Quinez and Davidson rush to close in, but not fast enough. He shoots, Grey blocks it with his fists, sends it hurtling back, can't control... Shot again..."

Simon: "Three-nil. Ariddia hasn't been overpowered this badly since... well, for a number of Cups now."


51st minute:
Boris: "Nyussun to lead a counter-attack. He gets deep through defence... Pass it! He does, back to N'tula. N'tula to Tomson. Looking for a crack... Tomson to Ford off to the si- He shoots, and... goal!"

Simon: "Well, that's one for honour's sake, at least. Now they have forty minutes to catch up on that goal difference... and stop Liverpool England getting any more in!"


92nd minute:
Simon: It's over... Perhaps over for Ariddia in this cup, even. This is going to be very hard to compensate for."

Boris: "There are always surprises, and unfortunately today was one of them. You've been watching Ariddia v. Liverpool England, goodnight."


Final score:
Ariddia 1
Liverpool England 3

Ariddian goals:
Raphael Ford (52nd)

http://www.abelmore.com/TDB.JPG

Belmore Trip at first hurdle
The Belmore Family, last night showed their worst display of football ever. We lost a 2-0 lead over lowest seed Bullion (createxd bothby Alan) to 2-2, through sloppy defending. No-one could play the ball well and it was just a comedy of errors. A dreadful result meaning The Belmore Family must win their next 2 matches to qualify.

KM: ...said might be a new world record for the three-legged pole vault. In other sports news, the World Cup kicked off today. Reporting from the stadium in Oglethorpia is Michael Black. Good to have you back, Mike.

MB: Greetings from the land of the--

KM: Mike...

MB: --from Oglethorpia, Kath. A rather dreary place, if I--

KM: Mike, the sun's shining. It looks like a perfectly nice day. We can see it behind you.

MB: Hrm. Point. Zoom in a bit, won't you? (The camera zooms on Mike's face.) There we go. As I was saying, a rather dreary place, with not much to recommend it, ordinarily. But today, dull little Oglethorpia played host to the ninth World Cup--

KM: I can just see the libel suits.

MB: --and was enlivened by tens of thousands of vigorous, spirited Ravens fans. As you can see behind me, the stadium is filled to capacity--

KM: Actually, we can't see it, Mike. You had the camera zoom in too close, remember?

MB: Quite. I suppose you'll have to take my word for it, then. Now, we're at the last stages of the game, and our viewers at home will be picking up the game on the second screen from a live alternate feed. Right now, not much is happening, though, so we'll do a quick recap for those who may have missed the opening minutes of the match.

KM: The Ravens met Oddslavo today. That side is the second-highest seed in group C, so on paper, it should be the toughest match for Ravenspire.

MB: Well, it's not been a walk, Kath. But the Ravens did score the first goal at the 20-minute mark, a nice shot by the recently-recovered Kaede Kitsuki. That makes her first goal since her injury.

KM: The Ravens are still running high from their skin-of-the-teeth qualifying, it seems. Oddslavo had a near-goal fifteen minutes later, but Autumn Mistmarch somehow managed to deflect it, and Fox Lee kicked the ball away from the danger zone.

MB: And that was about it for the first half; all other attempts by either side were blocked, leaving the match at 1-0. Fairly early in the second half, the Ravens increased their lead on a penalty kick by Arawn Frost, when the Oddslav keeper guessed wrong. And that's where the score stands now. 2-0, with less than five minutes remaining. It looks like-- wait, go to the second screen.

KM: It looks as if Kaede has just had the ball stolen right from under her. That's something that hasn't happened in a while; just look at her expression. Smooth move by the Oddslav midfielder... and they're taking it up the sidelines. The strikers are out of position, but here come the midfielders... nice pass there.

MB: Uh oh, looks like a striker's managed to get clear of the defenders... and here comes the ball. There's the shot. Autumn closes in on it... no good, it's past her. Goal for Oddslavo, right before the bell.

KM: It's not enough to win the match, Mike, but I have to say, that was impressive teamwork.

MB: If they'd had more time, who knows? But you can hear the roaring of the crowd now. The Ravens' fans are thrilled, and well they should be, after last year's performance.

KM: And that's the first match, 2-1 over Oddslavo. Thank you, Mike. We'll continue our World Cup coverage, but right now, a look at the prospects for next year's NationStates Baseball League...

Goals: Kaede Kitsuki (20), Arawn Frost (59)

Kathryn Malley and Michael Black, reporting for RNN

ASLC TEAM PULLS OF A TIE AGAINST SPAAM
GRAHAM CITY - Today, after being seede in one of the most difficult groups, with long time veterans Spaam and hosts Oglethorpia, many forsaw a potential disaster forming right beneath their feet. Fortunately, their recent changes to their roster and practice schedule, they were able to pull of a tie against heavily favored Spaam. The constant pressure was put on the defense by Spaam forwards, but with help of new Scottish goalie Keelly Macginty made several brilliant saves. ASLC forwards got their first chance in 43rd minute, but were easily repulsed by Spaams elite defense. After that, the game essentailly stayed in the ASLC half for the rest of the game, with Spaam mustering an incredible 72 minutes of ball possesion. After the end of the game in Oglethorpia, fans all over the world began rejoicing, and the citizens of Graham City, Limassol, Galsgow, Dublin, and Athens began running in the streets, carrying ASLC flags and dressed in various uniforms of their favorite soccer clubs. Manager Kevin Healy spoke to the press after the game.

This shows how far our soccer program has progressed. From our humble begging just a few years ago, and we are now poised to take the world by storm. Our defense has proved itself here to be equal to that of greats like Spaam, Errinundera and Kingsford. With such a game at our backs, we can expect great things for this squad in our next match.

Sowhatsville News (Back Page)

Opening game joy for Wallace and Halfassed.

The opening games of the eighth football world cup took place yesterday, and in the Langham Coliseum, Oglethorpia, the Halfassedstates side faced up to Audioslavia. The only time the two sides had met before was in WC5, when Audioslavia, who had been struggling in the qualifying, taught a cocky young Halfassed side a veritable footballing lesson on the way to a thumping 4-0 win.
Almost 13 years to the day since that meeting, and a lot has changed, both sides are now ranked in the top 20 in the world and have the respect of any team they come up against. The match was less like a gruge game and more like a meeting of long lost friends!

Audio, who just made it through the qualifying round, seemed a lot more focused early on, while the Halfassed side started as though it was their final qualifying game against Svecia and nothing really mattered.
Audio where very unlucky not to get a penalty in the 8th minute when Stun seemed to pull back his man, but the Errinunderan referree waved play on.

After 25 minutes, Halfassed had O'Malley to thank for keeping things even as he produced an outstanding fingertip save, turning the ball round the post. From the resulting corner, Halfassed produced almost the classic sucker-punch. O'Malley punched the ball clear and it was collected by Hope, who held it up until Bundy was in support. He took off down the wing, as he did so often in the qualifiers, and crossed a cracking ball into the box where the onrushing Wallace met it on the volley and put Halfassed 1 up.

The strike buoyed Halfassed, who finished the half much stronger, but they didn't extend their lead.
The second half began with a flurry of chances at both ends, which both keepers where coping with, until an Audio corner was headed goalwards, it beat the outstretched fingers of O'Malley and thumped in off the underside of the crossbar.

That was how the score remained going into the final 10 minutes. Halfassed had began to get control of the game, keeping the ball and forcing the Audio players to chase the game. After their efforts in the final qualifing games, the Audio players were visably tiring, while the rested Halfassed players seemed a lot more at ease.
With just three minutes left, Halfassed finally made the break through. Once again, Bundy got free on the right and headed for the by-line. Instead of his usual cross into the box, he pulled the ball back to Ree King on the edge of the D. As the nearest 2 defenders moved to charged down the shot, King cooly slipped the ball to his left and the unmarked Wallace, who took one touch and the placed the ball into the bottom left-hand corner of the net.

"It is a night I'll long remember." said Wallace afterwards. "Myself and Ree played against them all those years ago, and to be honest we learned a valuable lesson from them. They showed us that losing hurts, and while you maybe the best in the world, you can't afford to get complacent"

Ree King commented, "It was a tough game, which was what we expected. We're very glad to have got the 3 points, especially given the other result in the group, now we just have to keep it going! I would like to wish Audio all the best for the rest of their games"

With Belmore and Bullonien drawing, the group H table looks like this;
[code:1:a3f73c7a66]
Group H P W D L F A GD Pts
Halfassedstates (8) 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
Bullonien (65) 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
The Belmore Family (15) 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
Audioslavia (13) 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
[/code:1:a3f73c7a66]

Next up for Halfassed is The Belmore Family, while Audioslavia face Bullonien.

Letter from Errinundera

Alistair Take-awaye
http://www.abc.net.au/rn/talks/letter/img/cookpic.jpg

In my last report, I left you on a tram in lower McKillops Bridge. This may seem quite a normal activity in any modern city but, I assure you, this is anything but normal.

For a start, as cars have long been banned in Errinundera, this place is quite unlike any city in Consumer Engineering. Every street is little more than a footpath and a tramline with a narrow band of garden in between. The trams, always free, are small, not much bigger than a pick up truck, and carry about 12 people. As far as I can tell, no matter where you are, one comes along every 3 minutes or so. Some are quite dilapidated and they could be cleaner. They suffer from frequent mechanical and electrical failures. No problem. The driver and passengers jump out and lift the tram off the tracks so that there isn’t any hold up for following vehicles. There it sits until a mechanic or electrician comes along and fixes it. The driver then finds volunteers to put it back on the tracks and away they go. The trams don’t go very fast and the occasional accident seems to amuse all and sundry.

Much of the lower city is built on a chequerboard pattern with buildings and parks on alternate squares. Nobody likes to travel far to shops or work so there are no huge suburban shopping malls or towering glass business districts. Indeed, there is something of a French feel. Homes, shops, cafes and workplaces all face onto a park that is lovingly cared for. Corner buildings are highly prized and are frequently erected with verandahs on two sides so as to provide a view of both parks.

In the centre of all the parks are an amphitheatre and a large viewing screen. Each cup match the McKillopians (pronounced Macka – lowpians) gather in the park opposite their house to watch their team take on the world. melanoxylona and snapier are the local heroes. The villains are not, as you might suppose, the opposing players. Indeed, all the Errinundrians I have met so far seem to treat foreigners with a sort of friendly disrespect. Real animosity is reserved for other Errinundrians. In lower McKillops Bridge their particular gripe is against the folk of upper McKillops Bridge, otherwise known as Milosis. The Milosians are considered to be boorish and inbred. The tree people of the central plateau aren’t rated much better – they are universally referred to as airheads, presumably for their perceived intellectual abilities and for their habit of living in tree canopies.

So, who are the real football villains? Naturally the Milosian twin football sisters: nyleptha and sorais. That they are distantly related to the long-defunct royal family merely adds to their infamy. The sisters’ well-known loathing for each other is the source of much McKillopian merriment.

Errinundera is on the other side of the world from Bedistan and Oglethorpia so, like previous cups, matches are being held very early in the morning, local time. Errinundrians have made a quite a tradition of this. When John and I ambled across the tracks to our local park at 5:30 am for the opening match against Squornshelous, there was already a healthy gathering of people. John had brought along a bottle of champagne and placed it on one of the many tables around the amphitheatre. On the tables were champagne, coffee, cakes, cups, glasses, plates and cutlery. Everybody brings something and shares it with everybody else. I have to admit that a Consumer like myself is mystified by this behaviour. How do people make money here?

During the match, the McKillopians merrily indulge in a theatre of their own. There is much singing of the football anthem, “We Won’t Cry For You, Errinund’ra” and abuse and jokes and skylarking and arse-bearing. The loudest boos and most enthusiastic brown-eyeing are saved for the terrible twins. When sorais scored the opening goal at the seventh minute mark, the assembled gathering got into full voice. From then on the barracking continued unabated despite the national team falling behind 3-1 in the middle of the second half. At this point you could here from parks in every direction the mournful strain of the football anthem. Hearing a entire city of ten million sing “We Won’t Cry For You, Errinund’ra” at 7:30 in the morning was, for this visitor, a weird and unnerving experience.

At the 80th minute, the Errinundrian captain and penalty shoot-out hero of World Cup 7, longipesp, got one back. It seemed as if the entire city sighed. Could it be that everybody is in love with this woman? I too must admit to a fondness for this acrobatic, intelligent and self-effacing woman. She must be the only Errinundrian admired by all her countryfellows.

When joyhilla equalised three minutes later the dancing began. Across the parks and down the streets the people cavorted – many of them naked. The various gatherings merged and linked arms so that the entire lower city became one huge tangled daisy chain. And this for only a draw! What must the place have been like after the longfoots won World Cup 7? It doesn’t bear thinking about.

That morning I began to revise my opinions of these people. This was not the drab, socialist conformity I had expected. The only disappointment so far is the alarming way that everyone immediately dubs me sfood. Why?

For the next World Cup match I will be travelling west, via the infamous bus route that so unnerved the Bedistanis in the World Cup 6 round robin, to Wulgulmerang where I will be staying with a family I met at the World Cup viewing. “A bus?” you ask. Find out in my next letter.

Alistair Take-awaye
Correspondent
Consumer Engineering Broadcasting Corporation Ltd

30-1 - Gilmeecia, Bullonien
Does that mean you think Bullonien has a chance? And that CH doesn't? ;)

Not at all - only selected odds were given, CH's odds were 25-1 at the start of the competition, but unfortunatly for yourselves, they have been cut to 12-1 after the first match win over ORD.


Geisha Dosh - Spokeswomen for Halfassedstates Gambling Post

The Freedom Papers – Evening Edition

Upset Sparks Unrest in ORD

It was meant to be a day of victory for the two highest seeds in Group D: ORD and Giant Zucchini, but all it took was one more goal by the oppsition to bring all efforts down to nought.

In the ORD - Commerch Heights match, Nagasen Hashiei was quick to score, bringing the score to 1-0 at the 18th minute. But a goal each by Quigley and Cahalane on the Commerce Heights side brought the score to a final 1-2 loss for ORD at Unity Stadium.

The loss sparked riots in the local pubs but police were quick to settle the situation. 23 ended up injured, which included 2 policemen.

Score Summary:
ORD 1 (Hashiei - 18th)
Commerce Heights 2 (Quigley - 58th, Cahalane - 88th)

ORD World Cup Record:
[code:1:c13c077247]World Cup WC4 WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8(based on stats up to group stage day 1)
Matches Played 9 10 17 13 11

Wins 3 5 9 9 6
Draws 3 0 7 1 1
Losses 3 5 1 3 4

Goals For 9 17 31 31 18
Average GF 1.00 1.70 1.82 2.38 1.64
Goals Against 10 16 16 9 14
Average GA 1.11 1.60 0.94 0.69 1.27
Goal Diff. –1 +1 +15 +22 +4
Average GD -0.11 0.11 0.88 1.69 0.36

Total Matches 9 19 36 49 60

Acc. Wins 3 8 17 26 32
Acc. Draws 3 3 10 11 12
Acc. Losses 3 8 9 12 16

Accumulated GF 9 26 57 88 106
Ave. Acc. GF 1.00 1.37 1.58 1.80 1.77
Accumulated GA 10 26 42 51 65
Ave. Acc. GA 1.11 1.37 1.17 1.04 1.08
Accumulated GD -1 0 +15 +37 +41
Ave. Acc. GD -0.11 0 0.42 0.76 0.68

Average Opp. Rank 64.67 65.20 52.80 53.38 91.38
Highest Opp. Rank 12 5 8 7 21
Lowest Opp. Rank 100 100 100 100 150

Pre-Match Rank 100 27 30 22 16

*Rounding-ups/downs may cause calculative errors in the table.[/code:1:c13c077247]

WCVIII Round One Group D Table:
[code:1:c13c077247]Group D P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (54) 1 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
Timway (31) 1 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
Giant Zucchini (21) 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
One Red Dot (16) 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0[/code:1:c13c077247]

Right now, ORD draws with Giant Zucchini at last place. For qualification, ORD must not lose any of their matches.

Match Fixtures for ORD (Day 12~13):
ORD v Timway @ Unity Stadium, International City
ORD v GZ @ Unity Stadium, International City

Liz: Well Gus, here we are in beautiful Sonoma City.
Gus: Yeah.
Liz: The stadium is quite packed for this match. Some folks have said this will be a "runaway" round for Alces Rex. Your thoughts?
Gus: Dunno.
Liz: Quite the talker today eh?
Gus: Do you think MOZ is really retiring?
Liz: Can we not talk about it? You know how I get.
Gus: Yeah.
Liz: Anyway, the fans from Moose are really excited to see what our new coaching staff and the international training will bring to the match.
Gus: Well, it looks like they are about to. What the heck is that?
Liz: Weird music?
Gus: Chanting?
Liz: Wait, I'm getting a note... the Maori Haka? What!?
Gus: Oh!!! I have heard of that!
Liz: No way.
Gus: Yes way! I'm not an idiot Liz. It's this thing they do in New Zealand when they play rugby.
Liz: I don't believe you.
Gus: Well, where were they training?
Liz: Point, yes, but how would you know?
Gus: I did a report on New Zealand for Miss Hathers last year.
Liz: You got a D+
Gus: And the plus was for my extensive coverage of their sports teams.
Liz: I wish you would cover ours so well.
Gus: Shut it Liz. Anyway, the haka is over and the crowd is confused, but the team looks revved.
Liz: Enter Dennisov, equally confused by the weird opening the Rex has adopted.
Gus: Anyway, Dennisov wins the toss and chooses kickoff. Moose chooses the side with their back to the sun, hoping for an early sunset I suppose.
Liz:And here we go...

>>>13th minute<<<

Liz: MOZ takes the throw and it's to Gigas, Gigas runs up against Orr and drops it back to Tinesta who takes a shot from the outside corner of the penalty box and
Gus: Goal! Goal! Goal! GOAAAL!!!!!!!
Liz: That's right fans, the score is one-nil Moose! Tinesta is doing some weird celebration... what is that? A blindfold?
Gus: Ha ha! Like they were saying... good one!
Liz: No, wait, he's tripped... what an idiot! He hasn't been all right in the head since allegations about MOZ having certain feelings for a certain reporter who we certainly hope isn't dead began.
Gus: WHAT?
Liz: Well, you know MOZ and Tinesta, and her reaction to the Gil scandal...
Gus: Enough. No gossip. This is sports. Not girl stuff.
Liz: Tell that to MOZ you idiot.
Gus: Right.
Liz: Oh my! It looks like Tinesta managed to twist his ankle. Well, L. Moz is about to get her first play in a world cup. She played pretty well during the qualifiers.
Gus: Dude! She's hot too!
Liz: Shut it Gus.

>>>26th minute<<<
Liz: Oh no!! It's a breakaway by Dionne and this could tie it up!
Gus: Wait! MOZ is sprinting back...
Liz: BRILLIANT SLIDE! That was sooooo close!
Gus: MOZ really does put in 210%
Liz: (sobs)
Gus: Oh no.


>>>43rd minute<<<
Liz: And Bossy is lined up to take the corner.
Gus: Damn!
Liz: Wow.
Gus: That was a beautiful shot. T. Gigas didn't have a chance.
Liz: High and in the back, Bossy puts it in from the corner making the score one-all and we are almost at the half.
Gus: Wow.

>>>Half<<<
Liz: Well, Dennisov, the 18th ranked team is really putting up a good side today. That goal by Bossy was really just a beautiful shot.
Gus: Yeah, but be fair Liz, so was Tinesta's.
Liz: Yes, but forgive me if I'm mildly unimpressed with Tinesta today.
Gus: You have to admit it was funny.
Liz: I don't have to admit anything. Anyway, the word from the locker room is that he'll be fine for the next game. Coach Berkett has already told the team that he doesn't want any more stunts. Word has it that MOZ is highly embarrassed.
Gus: Why?
Liz: Because she has national pride!
Gus: Um, oh?
Liz: Nevermind.

>>>2nd Half<<<
Liz: So Alces Rex striker Gigas will start the half by tapping the ball to Machlis who drops it to MOZ
Gus: And they're off! MOZ looks very determined to bring the score back to our favor.

>>>53rd minute<<<
Gus: Oh no!
Liz: Breakaway again for Dionne, he's got some real speed.
Gus: Even MOZ won't get there!
Liz: Oh! Shot!
Gus: YEEESSSS!!!
Liz: Oh what a SAVE!!! T. Gigas comes up big, pounding the ball over the crossbar. This however, puts the pressure on because we know that Bossy will be taking the corner.
Gus: Yeah, here he comes.
Liz: Oh no, this one looks good as well... T. Gigas came too far out again...
Gus: Oh YEAHH!
Liz: Wow. MOZ with the clearing header. I just love her sooo much! (sobs)
Gus: Can it Liz! Can't you just enjoy what we have while we have it and not stress on the future? We want MOZ to be happy and if she feels she'll be happier off the field, we should support her choice, after all she's given us.
Liz: Wow. That was deep Gus.
Gus: Well, I can be sensitive.
(silence)

>>>67th minute<<<
Gus: And a handball by Orr will give Alces Rex a kick a few yards back from the box.
Liz: L. Moz is up for it, and Dennisov has a wall set.
Gus: Shoot, that was way off!
Liz: No!!! It's a pass, to big sister MOZ who shoots from the side and YESSS!!!!
Gus: Awesome!!! I wonder if they worked on that at home!
Liz: So the Moose team takes the lead again with a beautiful shot by MOZ, assisted by L. Moz.
Gus: Let's hope they can hold it.


>>>84th minute<<<
Liz: A handball by Taiga in the box!
Gus: Barely in the box... no, probably not even! Stupid ref.
Liz: Shoot, PK Dennisov. And they are having Bossy take it.
Gus: T. Gigas is really on the line here.
Liz: And... BANG off the post and cleared by Taiga. He owed us that clear.
Gus: Praise the post!


>>>90th minute<<<
Liz: It looks like only 3 minutes of stoppage time. It was a fairly clean game, so that's to be expected.
Gus: So if Alces Rex can hold their defense for 3 minutes it'll be our first WC8 win.

>>>End Game<<<
Liz: Awesome!!!
Gus: What a great first game.
Liz: Hats off to Dennisov for all the excitement though.
Gus: I feel like some of the credit should go to Taiga.
Liz: Please, bonehead of the game award is to Tinesta either way.
Gus: Let's not dwell Liz.
Liz: I can't handle sensitive Gus, so can it. So let's sum up. We had one goal by Tinesta assisted by Gigas.
Gus: One unassisted goal for Dennisov by Bossy.
Liz: And one goal by our darling MOZ assisted by her sister L. Moz.
Gus: Alces Rex takes it 2-1
Liz: Good night everyone!
Gus: Good night!

Audioslavia 1 - 2 Halfassedstates

Best team wins, Audioslavia dont.

A well-spirited match between two friendly rivals ended with a well-deserved 2-1 win for Halfassedstates. The two sides played out 90 minutes of top-quality football, with both sides having the upper hand on various occasions. Unfortunately for the slaves' collective ego, Halfassed gave them a lesson in how take their chances and basically, showed them the way that 'winners' play football. If the 'slave team can take any plus points from the game, they are A: that side can give one of the world's top teams a run for their money, and B: that theyve still out-performed TnUI, who couldnt even qualify for the world cup.

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake reporting from Bedistan, g'night bitches.

B: that theyve still out-performed TnUI, who couldnt even qualify for the world cup. :lol: :lol:

All matchday 1 scores have been posted (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1767897#1767897), again with the exception of the Oglethorpia-Europa Brittania and Bedistan-Lemmitania matches. Ogle, we need to figure something out...

Matchday 2 results will be telegrammed tomorrow.

[code:1:d2588fd652]Scene 2

(Flourish. Enter Lou, President of Gilmeecia, Ned the Foreign Minister, Gig the Press Secretary, Gillian Gilquest and other reporters, Kikere, cum aliis.)

Gig
Ladies and gentlemen, the president
Of th’Oppressed Peoples of Gilmeecia.
Pres
All right, all right. Sit down, you press monkeys.
Foreigners and local punks alike, sit!
So things went well on the pitch yesterday,
I mean, not so well as if things had gone great,
Great being to the degree that we won,
But well to the degree we didn’t lose.
Kudos to Gobbins, who scored both our goals,
But not to Gilmooster, who gave up two.
A draw in our first-ever World Cup match--
Against an established side like Kingsford,
No less-- that’s pretty good. I’m satisfied.
But one thing I can say, and true, is this:
At least no one was attacked with chopsticks.
No national embarrassment occurred,
Last night, by the attempted devouring
Of any opposing players. Thank god.
Our national reputation still smarts,
Thanks to the attack on Ron Goldenspot,
For which I’m going to have those two bastards
Krantzengil and Guildenstern taken out.
I mean, even if Goldenspot’s a cow,
He’s a member of an opposing team
And deserves to be treated with respect
As long as he’s draped in his team colors.
Even if, in the end, he is a cow.
Kikere
A little more than kine, and less than kind.
Pres
Cows playing football... Why so glum there, Coach?
Kikere
Not so, Mr. President. I’m chipper.
Ned
She worries at the fate of her homeland,
Tanah Burung, which failed to qualify.
It makes her sick at heart to think of them.
But don’t be so down, Coach, ‘cause all teams lose,
And even the Crocs had to miss some time.
Kikere
Sure, Ned, losing is common.
Ned If that’s so,
How come it seems so upsetting then, Yo?
Kikere
Seems, Ned? No, it is-- I don’t know “seems.”
You have to realize, the Crocs’ downward slide
Began under my own tutelage. Yep.
Plus, I was a revolutionary!
To many in Tanah Burung, football
Symbolizes freedom. And so, to fail,
Mayhaps crush the spirit of the nation.
It is not for the Crocodiles I grieve,
But for the people of Tanah Burung.
Pres
That’s what I like about you, Coach. You’re sweet.
Worrying about all them Burungers.
But you have to keep in mind, it’s a game.
And the people of Tanah Burung know,
Being wise, it’s not the end of the world.
And now, from the press, I’ll field a question.
Gillian
Gillian Gilquest, Gilmeecian Sun.
Sir, what’s this we’re hearing about Zombies?
Rumor tells of one who walks each midnight,
With the visage of Moola Gilsterson.
Pres
Well, that sounds pretty unlikely to me.
Why would Moola, of all people, come back?
Seems more likely people saw a big rat,
Or maybe a dog or bird or something,
And mistook it for my poor, dead cousin.
That would be my guess. But just in case--
I’ll have Ground Forces lay down some napalm.
Better safe than sorry. No more questions.

Flourish. EXEUNT all but Kikere.

Kikere
O, that this too too sullied flesh would melt,
Thaw, and resolve in good Tanah Burung.
These Gilmeecians give me such a pain
With their intrigues and backstabbing murders,
Their talk of Zombies, gullibility,
And legendary stupidity. O!
If only I had a rock big enough
To collectively bash the nation’s head,
I might reward them with some common sense.

ENTER Horschackio, Cargill, and Gilderbecke.

Horschasckio
‘Sup there, coach?
Kikere Hey, gang. You all look like crap.
Horschackio
We’ve been up the whole night, seeing visions,
Of most mind-numbing horror and whatnot.
Kikere
Have you, now?
Horschackio Totally.
Gilderbecke Verily.
Cargill Yep.
We saw the Zombie stalking at curfew.
Kikere
Did you, now?
Horschackio Verily.
Gilderbecke Doubtlessly.
Cargill Yup.
And it was President Lou’s dead cousin.
Kikere
Was it, now?
Horschackio Doubtlessly.
Gilderbecke Mightily.
Cargill Yoop.
And it portended Gilmeecia’s fate.
Kikere
Yeah, I suppose if Zombies are stalking,
Portending fates is what they’d be doing.
But tell me, good Horschackio, in truth--
Did you see it as well, or just these louts?
Because, I have to tell you honestly,
I have my doubts whether I would trust them.
Horschackio
I was there, along with them, when befell
That horrible scene of gruesomnity.
Kikere
First of all, there’s no word “gruesomnity.”
And second of all, stick to what you saw.
Leave the hyperbolic details aside.
Horschackio
Sure, Coach. Well, it was right after curfew--
Kikere
Why were you bozos up after curfew?
Gilderbecke
We didn’t mean to.
Horschackio Sorry.
Cargill Don’t hit us,
At least, not with rocks. We’ve learned our lesson.
Kikere
Have you, now?
Gilderbecke Mightily.
Horschackio Yessily.
Cargill Yowp.
But hear what we saw, and you won’t be mad.
Kikere
Fine, Horschackio, give me the low-down.
Horschackio
Right. So we were on our way home to bed,
Having been detained, against our will, and
Even despite our avid protesting,
By Special Tactics goons-- we know not why.
Kikere
Were you, now? I s’pose that sounds plausible.
Horschackio
Yes ma’am, that’s definitely what happened.
So there we were hurrying home to bed,
When out of nowhere like a Hell-spawned chimp
Came the wretched Zombie of president Lou’s
Dead cousin, Moola Gilsterson, who died,
As you’ll recall, after Brazillico
Kicked our asses in a friendly meeting
Some eight years hence.
Kikere Yes, I think I’ve heard it.
But “hence” means the future, Horschackio,
And what you mean is, some eight years ago.
Horschackio
Well, either way, he’s dead, and yet he walks.
Kikere
You’re sure it was he? Might it not have been
A rabid chimpanzee, which have become
Such common sights, roaming the streets, of late?
Horschackio
Not unless a chimpanzee can moan, “Braaaains!”
Gilderbecke
Some of the brighter ones can.
Kikere So maybe--
Horschackio
It was no chimpanzee, mark my words, Coach.
Gilderbecke’s a doofus. Chimps can’t say “Braaaains!”
Kikere
Well boys, I’m inclined to agree with that.
I’m pretty sure chimps aren’t capable
Of enunciating words, even “Braaaains!”
Cargill
What does it all mean, Coach? Enlighten us!
Kikere
It means you all partied too hard after
The draw with Kingsford. You haven’t slept yet,
Have you? I thought not. So get thee to bed
And when you wake you’ll all feel much better.
Gilderbecke
But, Coach--
Kikere Don’t lip off, or I’ll smack you one.
To the barracks with the lot of you. Go!

EXEUNT all but Kikere.

Kikere
Hosers. But good kids, all. At least they try.
I’ll have to initiate random tests
For hallucinogens, as all of them
Are clearly using-- e’en Horschackio
Who I’d expect to know better. Oh well. EXIT Kikere.
[/code:1:d2588fd652]

All matchday 1 scores have been posted (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1767897#1767897), again with the exception of the Oglethorpia-Europa Brittania and Bedistan-Lemmitania matches. Ogle, we need to figure something out...

Matchday 2 results will be telegrammed tomorrow.

A few corrections:

1) In an effort to keep this moving, Ogle will generate all my matches and I will generate all of his, so we're good there.

2) Matchday 2 results are being telegrammed by Oglethorpia now, not tomorrow.

3) Lemmitania and Europa Brittania are now receiving their matchday 1 results as well.

:lol:

Shall we a zombie pageant see?
Lord, what fools Gilmeecians be!

:lol:

Shall we a zombie pageant see?
Lord, what fools Gilmeecians be!

A fine poem
From Tanah Burung
Beloved fútbol power

---

Great haiku on my part!

Match RP(s) coming up soon here, folks.

Sam: Good evening, everybody, and welcome to Holmes Stadium here in beautiful Columbia! Today, this stadium plays host to by far the biggest spectacle in its history -- the eighth World Cup. I'm Sam Murphy, and here with me, as always, is Joey Stanton.

Joey: I never dreamed I would see this day, Sam.

Sam: Quite spectacular, isn't it? Now normally, this stadium has a capacity of 82,814 screaming fans, but at the request of the Bedistan Department of Sports and Games, an additional twenty thousand temporary seats have been erected, giving us a total of nearly a hundred and three thousand, and making this the most highly attended sporting event in Bedistani history.

Joey: And a great matchup it should be, Sam.

Sam: Ah, yes. The Bedistan Lions, ranked fifth in the world after appearing on the international sports scene just fourteen years ago, up against the legendary Lemmitania Lemmings.

Joey: They better be glad we didn't decide to host a match at Hillside Stadium...

Sam: Oh knock it off, Joey. Anyway, we're twelve minutes from kickoff, so how about going down the rosters, Joey?

Joey: I'd be glad to. On defense, we have Weiss, Johnson, and Thomas, all veterans of three past World Cups, and new starter Mary Nelson, who played on the bench last time.

Sam: Ken Sierra and Sally Myers are still in midfield. Phil Rivera was called up from the bench, and we have one brand-new player starting the match. Claire Briscoe, fresh from the first year of the BFL playing for the national champion Graceville Salamanders, will also be starting in midfield.

Joey: And of course, Lewis and Whitehurst are still up front. Johnny Lewis is the team's new captain after Gene Barber's retirement.

Sam: And no Bedistan national football team would be complete without the superb work of Olivia Bream in goal. Notice that gold star above the number 23 on her shirt -- that represents her being named to the all-World Cup team in WC7. Both she and Barber made it that year.

Joey: And how about the Lemmings' lineup, Sam?

Sam: It looks like SaLem, Chutney, Lembobba, and Nichols on defense; Brickberry, Li, Lumpster, and captain Lana Maelstrom in midfield; Meisterbrau and Mellon attacking; and Joe Lally in goal.

Joey: Some new elements on both teams, but still a few of the same core players.

Sam: Indeed. Well, we'll take a break for these commercials and be back with the start of the game.

Fútbol Wrapup: First Round, Matchday 1

(OOC: Match highlights, since it took awhile to do results for me and Bedistan.)

Mike Gray: Hey folks, matchday one has concluded and now we'll bring you highlights from the World Cup-squad's first true match, against Europa Brittania in Kuruma Stadium here in Oglethorpia City.

Murray Witcombe: That's right, Mike; Oglethorpia's touted squad took the pitch today with three highly acclaimed players from Tripoli, and a very young team with the most experience being held by Bolton who is playing his second Cup.

Mike: Aye. So all was even 36 minutes into the match, until Europa Brittania fired this one right past Manuel in the goal; Oglethorpia nil, Europa Brittania up one.

Murray: Match went into the second half with Europa Brittania holding the lead; not until the 65th would Oglethorpia make a decent attempt on goal.

Mike: Until Javier was called on diving, given a yellow.

Murray: In 10 he'd redeem himself, with this beautiful header off a cross from Bolton, scoring the equalizer.

Mike: And ending the match 1-1, Oglethorpia and Europa Brittania coming out of the match with a point a piece.

---

OOC: Space-Time Continuum Flux!

---

Mike: Right, so here are the standings after matchday two.

Murray: Actually, Mike, we don't have the results of Spaam vs. the Lowland Clans.

Mike: Oh, damn. So we don't have tables after matchday two?

Murray: Aye, i'm afraid we don't.

Mike: Well, let's go over matchday two for the folks back home then.

Murray: Aye. So, Oglethorpia's comin' back to Kuruma Stadium off their draw with EB, playing to a crowd of 90,000 fans, a great deal of these Oglethorpian; behind keeper Manuel a great Oglethorpian flag held up by fans.

http://oglethorpia.free-host.com/images/oglethorpia_big.gif

Mike: Oh, the fútbol devotion of this nation and it's supporters.

Murray: Aye.

Mike: Stop saying that.

Murray: Aye. Just kidding. Alright, so here's Javier hot off his equalizer in EB keeping off a loss, scoring a goal early on in the 19th minute, Oglethorpia one-nil.

Mike: Right before the half, striker Danny Bolton bringing up the second goal making the game two nil over the Lowland Clans.

Murray: One last goal on the part of the Lowland Clans.

Mike: But too little, too late, 90 minutes coming before they could attempt to score any equalizer on Manuel.

Murray: Manuel's record is looking pretty good, only two goals in two games.

Mike: A fantastic keeper. Tripoli FC has a skilled player on their hands.

Murray: Javier has come up with two goals on the offensive side of the ball as well.

Mike: Another player with Tripoli's club.

Murray: We're wishing the squad the best as they go into the final matchday.

Mike: Right. A win or a draw is going to put them in good position to qualify. We're hoping the best for the Oglethorpian World Cup-side. Till next time, for Murray Witcombe, i'm Mike Gray; goodnight folks.

Murray: Actually, Mike, we don't have the results of Spaam vs. the Lowland Clans.

OOC: Yes, you do, because I gave them to you! It's Spaam vs. Europa Brittania that you forgot. ;)

[OOC: I was going to do the full-game commentary, but I'm rather burnt out tonight thanks to some...events...at school. Therefore:]

Bedistan Surprises Opposition with Big Win

COLUMBIA, FD -- The first Group E matches were played today. In the second of these matches, the Bedistan Lions played host to the Lemmitania Lemmings in front of nearly 103,000 fans at Holmes Stadium. It was expected to be a close game.

Lemmitania attacked first, with Helen Mellon making a fine attempt in the 11th minute that was just stopped by Olivia Bream. It was Claire Briscoe who would successfully score the first goal in the 20th minute, sending the ball into the lower right corner of the net just past Joe Lally. Captain Johnny Lewis added one of his own just before halftime, making the score 2-0.

Everyone expected a Lemmitania comeback, but it was not to be. The final nail was driven into their coffin when Lewis snagged one more goal in the 65th minute. The game continued for another half hour, but the Lemmings could not come back. The final scoreline read 3-0 in favor of Bedistan.

In other group news, Snub Nose 38 defeated Gesamtkuntswerk 3-1, making the standings as follows:

1. Bedistan (5) -- 3 points, GD +3
2. Snub Nose 38 (10) -- 3 points, GD +2
3. Gesamtkuntswerk [38] -- 0 points, GD -2
4. Lemmitania (20) -- 0 points, GD -3

Bedistan will next play Gesamtkuntswerk, also at Holmes Stadium.

Final score:
Bedistan 3 (Briscoe 20; Lewis 43, 65)
Lemmitania 0

Also, in other news, today's game marked the 50th match for defender Mike Thomas. He is the only Bedistani player to have participated in every single international match.

[OOC: And I will now be the next to steal CH's idea (though I actually copied the table from ORD, because it's on this page :P):]

[code:1:7eb28f71e9]World Cup WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8 (so far)
Matches Played 13 19 17 1

Wins 5 8 8 1
Draws 5 6 2 0
Losses 3 5 7 0

Goals For 19 31 25 3
Average GF 1.46 1.63 1.47 3.00
Goals Against 19 21 16 0
Average GA 1.46 1.11 0.94 0.00
Goal Diff. 0 +10 +9 +3
Average GD 0.00 0.53 0.53 3.00

Total Matches 13 32 49 50

Acc. Wins 5 13 21 22
Acc. Draws 5 11 13 13
Acc. Losses 3 8 15 15

Accumulated GF 19 50 75 78
Ave. Acc. GF 1.46 1.56 1.53 1.56
Accumulated GA 19 40 56 56
Ave. Acc. GA 1.46 1.25 1.14 1.12
Accumulated GD 0 +10 +19 +20
Ave. Acc. GD 0 0.31 0.39 0.40

Average Opp. Rank 34.28 45.21 54.59 20.00
Highest Opp. Rank 9 6 3 20
Lowest Opp. Rank 45 100 100 20

Pre-Match Rank 45 27 24 5[/code:1:7eb28f71e9]

Murray: Actually, Mike, we don't have the results of Spaam vs. the Lowland Clans.

OOC: Yes, you do, because I gave them to you! It's Spaam vs. Europa Brittania that you forgot. ;)

OOC: Oh well, you know what I mean!

ASNN Post Game Report

Liz: Well, that was quite a game, eh Gus?
Gus: Whatever.
Liz: I think the nation as a whole can join you in that sentiment. Theoretically Alces Rex should have run away with this one, being fourth ranked in the world vs. Kingsford's ranking at 30th.
Gus: Hmmph.
Liz: Alces Rex had nearly twice as many shots on goal. What was that figure Gus?
Gus:Some-teen.
Liz: I believe it was 13-7, was it not?
Gus: Whatever.
Liz: You have to give credit toThompson. He had some spectacular saves.
Gus: Yup.
Liz: So the big question on Moosenians minds tonight is, was Coach Berkett right to bench Tinesta?
Gus: No.
Liz: I for one feel that Tinesta needed reprimanding after the childish way he behaved in game 1.
Gus: At the cost of this game Liz? I think not. He's one of our top scorers. Top thus far this year actually. MOZ isn't going to be around forever and we need to start giving Tinesta more credit. I mean, MOZ didn't put any in the net this match either!
(silence)
Liz: I though we agreed not to talk about the retirement. Besides which, MOZ is the best footballer our nation has produced since our founding. And Tinesta behaved unforgivably.
Gus: Oh shove it Liz. Berkett benched Tinesta for some stupid thing he did, which yeah, was rude, but FUNNY. And as a result we had a weaker offense than normal, as a result we tied, and as a result, we lose some of the spread we had in our group points wise, and as a result...
Liz: Oh forget your stupid results. Yes it was a controversial decision, but what's done is done. Tinesta said he will follow Berkett regardless. The team is a bit down, but they still have faith in their coach, and they are ready for the next game. Kingsford put a good side out there today and they deserve some credit too. As well as T. Gigas, who had 7 saves, what about that?
Gus: Whatever.
Liz: Anyway, zero-zero. We hope the team can pull of a win in game three to keep their lead in the group.
Gus: Yeah.

Squornshelous in danger of elimination
Squornshelous is in danger of not reaching the second round for the first time in it's world cup history. We need a win to stay in contention.

Commerce Heights Bulldogs Defeated By Giant Zucchini
INTERNATIONAL CITY - After beating One Red Dot, the #54 Bulldogs (6-4-2) thought they could do anything - even beat #21 Giant Zucchini.
Apparently, they were wrong.
Commerce Heights forward Billy Quigley was able to score in the 31st minute to give the Bulldogs a 1-0 lead, but two second-half goals by Giant Zucchini made the game Commerce Heights' second loss.
(54) Commerce Heights 1 (Quigley 31)
(21) Giant Zucchini 2 - FT
[code:1:1e050276f3]Group D–International City P W D L F A GD Pts
Timway (31) 1 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
Giant Zucchini (21) 2 1 0 1 3 3 0 3
Commerce Heights (54) 2 1 0 1 3 3 0 3
One Red Dot (16) 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0[/code:1:1e050276f3]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 11: vs #16 One Red Dot – W 2-1
Day 12: vs #21 Giant Zucchini – L 1-2
Day 13: vs #31 Timway
Statistics
[code:1:1e050276f3] Overall WC7 WC8
Games Played 22 10 12
Wins 9 3 6
Draws 7 3 4
Losses 6 4 2
Avg. Opp. Rank 75.3 62.6 85.9
Highest Opp. Rank 16 18 16
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 16 18 16
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.7 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.4 1.8 1.1 gpg
Goal Differential +4 -3 +7
Rank 100 54[/code:1:1e050276f3]
Group D Analysis
If Timway defeats One Red Dot...
[code:1:1e050276f3]Timway 6
Giant Zucchini 3
Commerce Heights 3
One Red Dot 0[/code:1:1e050276f3]
Timway will need to maintain its GD advantage over GZ and CH to advance.
Giant Zucchini will need to defeat One Red Dot and maintain a GD advantage over CH.
Commerce Heights will need to defeat Timway and have a higher GD than GZ to advance.
One Red Dot cannot advance.
If Timway draws with One Red Dot...
[code:1:1e050276f3]Timway 4
Giant Zucchini 3
Commerce Heights 3
One Red Dot 1[/code:1:1e050276f3]
Timway will need to win if GZ wins or draw if GZ draws.
Giant Zucchini will need to draw if CH loses or draws or draw and maintain a GD advantage over Timway if CH wins.
Commerce Heights will need to draw if GZ loses or win if GZ draws ore wins.
One Red Dot would need to defeat GZ and have CH lose to advance.
If Timway loses to One Red Dot...
[code:1:1e050276f3]Timway 3
Giant Zucchini 3
Commerce Heights 3
One Red Dot 3[/code:1:1e050276f3]
Any team will advance if they win.
If either game is a draw, then there will be a potentially unresolvable tie in the group (depending on exact scores of the Timway-GZ, Timway-CH and GZ-ORD games). :P

Kuruma Stadium; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia:

Errinundera 0 Liverpool England 2

Err best: snapier, codith, pomaderrisa

Coach fionar: Errinundera is now up against the wall after a draw against Squornshelous and this loss to Liverpool England. We need a big win against Arridia to have any chance of proceeding to the second round.

Captain longipesp: Liverpool England were superb today. Their defence completely shut down our strikers, especially myself. Their attack backed this up with 2 well-executed goals. I promise our supporters that we will go into the third game fully determined to make a good account of ourselves.

[A full description of events within Errinundera will be posted by the Consumer Engineering Broadcasting Corporation's correspondent this evening Errinundera time.]

TIMWAY TAKES LEAD IN GROUP D AFTER DRAW WITH ONE RED DOT

Timway and One Red Dot battled to a 1-1 draw today in a very hard fought and, according to some, dirty contest. Horatio Alexander once again posted the talley for Timway, with the goal coming off of a direct kick in the 33rd minute. ORD quickly answered three minutes later with a spectacular header. Timway needs a win or a draw against 54th ranked Commerce Heights in order to advance to the knockout round. Coach Pablo Rolla was pleased with the teams' effort. "A win and a draw against the two higher ranked teams in our group is a very good result," he said. Hopefully this momentum will carry over into their final match against CH and their advance to the knockout stage for the first time will be secured.

LIVERPOOL ENGLAND QUALIFY FOR ROUND TWO AFTER TWO MARVELOUS WINS: ARIDDIA 1 LIVERPOOL ENGLAND 3 (DUSSIS 4TH, CANNON 78TH, CHRISTOPHER 90TH) AND ERRINUNDERA 0 LIVERPOOL ENGLAND 2 (DUSSIS 7TH, 89TH PENALTY)

The national team has qualified for the second round of the Cup after defeating both Ariddia and World Champion Errinundera. The two sides, which last met in World Cup 6 Qualifying, looked no different, not literally however, from when they last met in World Cup 6. Paul Oliver Dussis delivered in this crucial game, scoring early on seven minutes and capping it off in the last minute with a spot kick. The team faces Squornshelous, in danger of elimination, next.
[code:1:081dd3cbd7]
Q/E POS RANK TEAM P W D L F A GD PTS
QLF 1ST 28TH LIV ENGLAND 2 2 0 0 5 1 +4 6
--- 2ND 01ST ERRINUNDERA 2 0 1 1 3 5 -2 1
--- 3RD 12TH SQUORNSHELOUS 1 0 1 0 3 3 0 1
--- 4TH 06TH ARIDDIA 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0
[/code:1:081dd3cbd7]

Double post

http://www.abelmore.com/TDB.JPG
Belmore Clinch a draw with Halfassed
It was the big match, Belmore Vs Halfassedstates. Revenge from the last world cup where Belmore were kiked out. But sadly, it amounted to nil.Both teams were on a level par. Halfassed got the first goal through Milton who got his head onto Thumb's cross. But once again Alan City's Alan Belmore scored a fantastic goal, chipping the keeper.

FINAL SCORE
The Belmore Family 1
Alan

Halfassedstates 1
Milton

[code:1:f13b0a2688]Liverpool England Top Scorers
NAME WC8 WC8Q TOTAL
PAUL DUSSIS 3 7 10
CADDY CANNON 1 5 6
HOWARD CHRISTOPHER 1 1 2
TOTAL (ALL PLAYERS) 5 15 19[/code:1:f13b0a2688]
STATISTICS MAY NOT BE ACCURATE

OOC: Argh, I can't believe my matchday 1 report vanished into cybervoid! Anyway, it was just about Ariddia being led 2-1 at half-time, conceding another goal just after that, and Ford saving the shreds of the team's honour by scoring one later. Also on al-Jibai having been injured in training and thus being off the active roster for now. Oh, and how prospects looked a little catastrophic for the rest of the competition. ;)


IC:
8pm news
Yasmina Jones: And in sports, Ariddia defeated Squornshelous 3-1 today, with a goal by Ranjit Khan and two by Kim Kim, securing a valuable three points which may well be vital for the team to stay in the Cup. Ariddia's next opponent is defending champion Errinundera, and this is one tough match Ariddia can't afford to lose... Some have dubbed it a clash of titans, while others have ironically pointed out the Ariddian "titan" has already suffered something of a crippling blow from "minor giant" Liverpool England... We'll keep you informed.

Sowhatsville News (Back Page)

Draw keeps Halfassed on track.

In their second game in group H, Halfassed faced the challenge of a Belmore side looking for revenge. Memories of Halfassed ending their most successful run ever in the cup are still fresh in the mind of many Belmoreians (?) and the team was clearly 'up' for this match.

Thankfully though, Halfassed also decided to come to the party early, and the opening 25 minutes were played at a hectic pace, with tackles flying in everywhere. Unfortunatly, one of those tackles caused major heartache for verteran William Wallace. The 36 year old hero of the match against Audioslavia, had made it public that this was going to be his last WC campaign. It looks as though it has come to a premature end as he was stretchered off with what was later revealed to be torn ligaments in his left knee.

Wallaces' misfortune gave young James Milton his first run out in the finals. Just before the break, he made the most of his opportunity. A lovly 1-2 between Ward and King in the mid-field gave Ward the time to spot Thumb in space on the left. Thumb headed for the by-line, and swung in a beautiful cross, which Milton met with a thundering header.

Amazingly, the second half continued to be played at the same frightening pace. Halfassed looked to be heading for the next round, until a slip by Stun gave Alan Belmore the space he'd been trying to find all day. A great through ball by Lawerance found Alan 1-on-1 with O'Malley, and as the keeper advanced, the Belmore striker cooly chiped the ball into the back of the net.

The final 12 minutes, like most of the rest of the match, dissappeared in a blur, and the final whistle brought relief all round. Halfassed are still in a strong position to advance, while Belmore had managed to avoid the possiblity of being eliminated by Halfassed for the second cup in a row.

Final score: Halfassed 1(Milton 42) Belmore 1(Alan 79)

With the other game in the group just underway, the table currently stands as follows;

[code:1:a423aec775]
Group H P W D L F A GD Pts
Halfassedstates (8) 2 1 1 0 3 2 1 4
The Belmore Family (15) 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 2
Bullonien (65) 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
Audioslavia (13) 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
[/code:1:a423aec775]

Next up for Halfassed is Bullonien, and a draw should be enough to send us through

Brittania fight out all square, twice.

A hard fought 1-1 draw with Oglethorpia was the reward for a Brittanian squad ravaged with injuries and suspensions.

Without Andrew Zurich, Danny McHilton, Rusel Cannon & Veteran keeper Mark Reeves, worries abounded that the starting eleven would be simply insufficiently experienced to come away with anything except a defeat.

Lining up 4-4-2


------------------------------Hansen-----------------------------


Jones---------------O'Hanrahan------Olivers--------------Stacey


Strazt----------------Junnon-----Huntly-------------------Simmons


----------------------Winter-----Lionel-----------------------------



With no great suprise EB fell behind in the seventeenth minute, a comedy of errors from the defensive heart of O'Hanrahan & Olivers resulted in a slack clearance from a corner, that was beautifully stroked into the net from ten yards out by Ogles star forward.

Lionel struck the woodwork as an immediate response, great play with Junnon dispatching the young Atlantan through on goal, but he did not have sufficient composure to ensure an equalising goal.

That goal finally came four minutes after the restart, a Brittanian corner swung in expertly by Strazt, was nodded home by the diminutive Lionel, who managed to totally elude his marker and meet the ball unapposed.

Both teams missed late chances, with Junnon clearing off the line for EB and Winter screwing a tantilising low drive inches wide of the left hand post.

FINAL SCORE

Europa Brittania 1 Oglethorpia 1
Lionel 49



Fresh from their less than impressive loss in WC VIII, Brittanians were relishing a chance to dent Spaams previous record of never losing a main round tie further. Boyed by the return of the majority of those injured or suspended for the Oglethorpia game, the fans would later get exactly that.

Brittania suprised many, lining up 3-5-2, instead of their traditional 4-4-2. That formation having last been played in WC IV.

--------------------------------Reeves------------------------------


---------------O'Hanrahan-----Cannon-----Stacey------------------


-------Strazt------Junnon-----McHilton----Lionel------Simmons----


--------------------------Winter----Zurich--------------------------


The inclusion of the young striker Lionel in midfield was a calculated risk, according to Jarvis Smith, head coach;

"I felt that Derek [Lionel] gave an utterly superb performance against Oglethorpia, and took on the responsibility of goalscorer with a maturity of someone twice his age. I felt he needed rewarding, and though its by no means his favoured position, I felt slotting him in alongside Danny [McHilton] might effectivley have him playing like he was up front too."


This impression certainly increased with EB drawing first blood on five minutes. A longball from Cannon found Strazt in open space, who took the ball down the right wing, before cutting back and sending an inviting ball along the ground diagonally for McHilton to attack.

McHilton struck the ball sweetly, with a curling effort that was thwarted by the outstretched Spaam keeper, however the rebound fell for Andrew Zurich, who simply rocketed the ball into the empty net.

Spaam pressed for an equailiser, and rattled the woodwork thirty seconds later, a great twenty five yard strike smashing off the crossbar with Reeves looking questionable in his positioning.

However, Spaam were a side not to be toyed with, and deservedly hauled themsleves level on twenty minutes.

A corner kick swung in was punched weakly away by Reeves, but volleyed not quite so weakly back into the net by the Spaam Right back, a hellacious goal that again left the Brittanian defence questioned.

This equalising goal stunned EB, who duly handed Spaam the lead on thirty minutes. A clumsy Cannon challenge in the box brought down the Spaam forward, and conceded a spot kick.

Reeves was beaten from the spot, sent the wrong way expertly,and Brittania were 2-1 down at halftime.


Jarvis Smith instilled in his side a lession they would do well to remember-

Football is a game of ninety minutes!

Too many times before Brittanian heads have lowered after going behind, even with more than fifteen minutes to play, let alone the forty five minutes ahead of them in this current match.

However, one minute after the restart, the lesson was forgotten, and Spaams lead increased.

An absolutley shocking attempt at a clearance from O'Hanrahan spun wildly from his boot, barely managing eight yards in front of him. Spaam took the oppertunity gratefully, to go one on one with Reeves. The resulting lob easily sailing into the Brittanian net for the third time in fifty minutes.

Fingers and boos were now being pointed at the defence, who were failing totally to adapt to a back three. Strazt and Simmons as Wingbacks were now finding themselves however virtually playing a back four to protect the defence, much to the frustration of Smith from the touchlines.

A silly foul on sixty minutes brought a free kick twenty yards from goal. Up stepped Daniel McHilton, who calmly sent an absolutley rocketing shot into the net, with little bend, little curl and a whole lot of power.

Spaam remained on the backfoot, with Brittania searching for a third goal that would at least earn them some sort of reward for their efforts.

Match villian O'Hanrahan became instant saviour on seventy nine minutes. Venturing forward for a rare corner appearance. The ball fell to Zurich, who tightly marked and back to goal, nodded on for O'Hanrahan, who reacted quickly enough to prod the ball home despite the rapidly advancing Spaam keeper.

The match continued as a hotly contested affair, with neither team getting that vital breakthrough to secure all three points.

FINAL SCORE

Europa Brittania 3 Spaam 3
Zurich 4
McHilton 60
O'Hanrahan 79


[OOC: RL is draining much of my time, but I shall endevour to do my best...]

You are watching:
World Cup 8 - Group D:
Giant Zucchini vs Commerce Heights - Post match report

After an early Billy Quigley header gave Commerce Heights the lead, Giant Zucchini stormed back confidently to win 2-1 in Unity Stadium. Urk and Kerrnigit claimed the goals that clinched the match, leaving Giant Zucchini in a better position to advance from Group D.

Commerce Heights went ahead early when Billy Quigley’s pinpoint flick header was just out of the reach of goalkeeper Oog and banged down inside the goal off the underside of the crossbar. Darryl Kakuta set up the first chance of the game with his cross from the right side (0:1, 31’).

Commerce Heights’s Maxwell Paritmongkol fouled Krak outside the corner of the penalty area, setting up Giant Zucchini’s first dangerous set piece. But, goalkeeper Dirk Vojtilo easily handled Quk’ swerving left-footer (33’).

Midway through the first half, Giant Zucchini enjoyed an overwhelming advantage in possession time, but the Zucchinis never seemed dangerous and Commerce Heights soaked up the pressure with relative ease.

For the most part, Giant Zucchini continued to dictate the flow of the match, creating three more good chances before the half-time whistle. Phoot had the best opportunity, receiving a pass just inside the penalty area, but he could only manage a soft right-footer on Vojtilo (41’).

John Gonzales earned a caution when he was forced to drag down Gung after the Earl United winger beat him cleanly on the right side. The foul proved wise when Kerrnigit’s free kick was high and wide of the back post (50’).

Giant Zucchini continued to press forward in the second half and they were eventually rewarded. Kerrnigit was given space outside the penalty area and he ripped a left-footer into the right-side netting (1:1, 57’).

Back to level terms, Commerce Heights returned to the attack. Cory Romanowski struck a powerful shot from 25 metres that veered wide of the left post (62’).

Substitute forward Marc McCarthy provided a brief respite from the Zucchinis’ onslaught when his sudden burst of speed past two Zucchini defenders created a corner kick. Commerce Heights eventually earned a free kick, and Gonzales’s 30-metre shot had pace but was directed right at Oog (66’).

Before long, Giant Zucchini were back on the attack with Krak wasting a good chance high over the net from 10 metres (68’), and Urk skimming the far post with a shot from just inside the area (70’).

McCarthy’s speed caused more problems for Giant Zucchini when he raced around a defender to receive a pass and fire a quick shot that Oog was just able to deflect with his foot (81’).

But when Quk broke free on the left side and crossed for Urk, the Marauding forward made his left-foot volley look easy as it escaped a diving Vojtilo and found the back of the net (2:1, 83’).

Ede Burns then tested Oog from long-range with a hard-struck volley that the goalkeeper had little trouble containing (85’). Tony Medeiros came even closer for Commerce Heights when his right-footer from 20 metres skipped inches outside the right post (87’).


Final score:

Giant Zucchini - 2
Kerrnigit (57), Urk (83)

Commerce Heights - 1
Quigley (31)


Man of the Match: Kerrnigit

Congratulations to Oglethorpia, winners of the first Arachne Cup, champions of the Giant Evil Spider Football League (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1622041#1622041) inaugural season.

Head Coach Mr Hurr, “The team worked very hard. It was a good match, a serious match. It was what we'd hoped for, but it did turn into an uphill battle. What we really wanted to change was our forward defense - running more toward the wings. Some of the changes that Ecuador sent in did change our game somewhat - (Marc) McCarthy was very fast and certainly increased the tempo and also (Kevin) Decker made us work. But the match ahead is what’s important, and we want to show the Samurais who the boss really is in the derby coming up.” He is of course referring to the last match of the group stage versus regional rivals One Red Dot. As Kerrnigit so eloquently put it, “Giant Zucchini versus One Red Dot, it's like Lemmitania versus Audioslavia.”

*torn from the sports pages of this mornings edition of Scuttlebutt*

World Cup 8, Round 1 Update
Columbia, Bedistan aspn wire

After the first match of day 2 (Lemmitania 1, Snub Nose 38 0), Group E looks like this. Still to be played is the Bedistan - Gesamtkunstwerk match.

Group E Stats and Upcoming Matches
Venue - Holmes Stadium; Columbia, Federal District, Bedistan
[code:1:05fe23d1cb]Group E P W D L F A GD Pts
Bedistan (5) 1 1 0 0 3 0 +3 3
Snub Nose 38 (10) 2 1 0 0 3 2 +1 3
Lemmitania (20) 2 1 0 1 1 3 -2 3
Gesamtkuntswerk (38) 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0[/code:1:05fe23d1cb]
Matchday 1
Bedistand 3 vs Lemmitania 0
Snub Nose 38 3 - Gesamtkunstwerk 1

Matchday 2
Bedistan vs Gesamtkunstwerk
Snub Nose 0 38 vs Lemmitania 1

Matchday 3
Bedistan vs Snub Nose 38
Gesamtkunstwerk vs Lemmitania
-----------------------------------------------
OOC: I'm REAL short on time right now - promise better (real) RPs soon.

The Los Polverines Times

Tables finally released.
Futebol analysts have finally put together tables after matchday 2 of the first round.

Matchday 1
Oglethorpia 1 Europa Brittania 1
Spaam 0 The Lowland Clans 0

Matchday 2
Oglethorpia 2 The Lowland Clans 1
Spaam 3 Europa Brittania 3

Matchday 3
Oglethorpia vs. Spaam
Europa Brittania vs. the Lowland Clans

Group F
(Kuruma Stadium; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia)
[code:1:7ede1e8e8d]
Group F P W D L F A GD Pts
Oglethorpia (23) 2 1 1 0 3 2 +1 4
Europa Brittania (28) 2 0 2 0 4 4 0 2
Spaam (3) 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 2
The Lowland Clans (34) 2 0 1 1 1 2 -1 1

[/code:1:7ede1e8e8d]

Oglethorpia's squad has secured the only win of group F, giving them a two point buffer over both Europa Brittania and Spaam. The next game against Spaam will be important in determining who sits in the top two spots of group F, the difference between advancing from the first round and being knocked out. If Oglethorpia manages a draw they will still be in good position to come out of group F and into the second round. We're wishing the World Cup-squad the best going into their match against Spaam in Kuruma Stadium.

[OOC: Full report to come later, but just thought I'd give the others in the group a heads up...]

Matchday 2:

Bedistan 0
Gesamtkuntswerk 2

The Group E table looks like this:

[code:1:7793b63b3c]Group E P W D L F A GD Pts
Bedistan (5) 2 1 0 1 3 2 +1 3
Snub Nose 38 (10) 2 1 0 1 3 2 +1 3
Gesamtkuntswerk (38) 2 1 0 1 3 3 0 3
Lemmitania (20) 2 1 0 1 1 3 -2 3[/code:1:7793b63b3c]

A Bedistan win over SN38 will ensure Bedistani qualification. If Bedistan and SN38 tie and Gesamtkuntswerk and Lemmitania tie, SN38 and Bedistan will go through. If Bedistan and SN38 tie and Gesamtkuntswerk and Lemmitania do not tie, the winner of that match will go through and SN38 and Bedistan will be deadlocked in second place. If Bedistan loses, they will not go through.

Porlamar Sports Network
Oglethorpia vs. Spaam: Highlights

Mike Gray: Oglethorpia vs. Spaam; a game predicted to be very close, and one of large importance to group F.

Gastón Moreno: Yes, a Spaam win could eat up Oglethorpia's two-point buffer between first and second, possibly booting Oglethorpia out of qualification.

Mike: And for those of you just joing us, the Central Oglethorpian Sports Network has been swallowed by Porlamar's own sports channel, and joining us is Gastón Moreno of Los Polverines, Porlamar. Welcome, Gaston.

Gastón: It's good to be here, Mike and Murray.

Murray Witcombe: Aye. Now, the game started out slow, Spaam with the ball; it was not until the 35th minute did Spaam put in a goal, Spaam one Oglethorpia nil.

Gastón: Yes, Oglethorpia would make nothing happen as the game went to the half with the World Cup-squad down one to Spaam.

Mike: It was only six minutes into the second half before Javier scored the equalizer.

Gastón: A turning point in this game as the momentum swung from Spaam looking for a victory against Oglethorpia, who were playing to a home crowd. That was Javier's third goal of the Cup in his third game.

Murray: And finally Rich Stewart with the second goal, the winning goal in the 69th minute.

Gastón: A revalation in group F, Oglethorpia's qualification only the second time in the nation's World Cup history that the squad has made it into the second round.

Murray: Aye, out of five Cups, only advancing to the second round twice.

Mike: At least they have always gotten into the first round.

Gastón: Yes, it is legendary in Oglethorpian Cup history to have advanced to the second round. Now they will have to play there best as the Cup switches to single elimination mode.

Murray: And now, tables as they stand after matchday three, the final one of the first round.

Group F
(Kuruma Stadium; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia)
[code:1:91cac63fb4]
Group F P W D L F A GD Pts
Oglethorpia (23) 3 2 1 0 5 3 +2 7
Europa Brittania (28) 3 1 2 0 6 5 +1 5
Spaam (3) 3 0 2 1 4 5 -1 2
The Lowland Clans (34) 3 0 1 2 2 4 -2 1

[/code:1:91cac63fb4]

Matchday 1
Oglethorpia 1 Europa Brittania 1
Spaam 0 The Lowland Clans 0

Matchday 2
Oglethorpia 2 The Lowland Clans 1
Spaam 3 Europa Brittania 3

Matchday 3
Oglethorpia 2 Spaam 1
Europa Brittania 2 The Lowland Clans 1

---

Gastón: And along with Oglethorpia, Europa Brittania advances.

Murray: A team that has always been up there in the rankings, but we haven't really seen advance past the first round too much.

Mike: And that's all, folks. Your group F qualifers; the Oglethorpian squad and the Europa Brittanian side. Now, for a rousing night of beer songs and drinking as Oglethorpia celebrates it's advancement to the second round. For Gastón Moreno and Murray Witcombe, i'm Mike Gray. Good night!

Matchday 3 results have now been TGed.

Double post :?

The Porlamar Times

Upset in Kuruma Stadium!
Spaam falls to Oglethorpian squad

Kuruma Stadium was empty. It's staff had cleaned it's seats, the pitch watered the night before. The ground crew had meticulously repainted the pitch's boundary lines and those that marked the goal box. Hours later, Kuruma Stadium was filled with 90,000 screaming fans watching Oglethorpia's World Cup-squad taking on the World Cup Seven powerhouse Spaam, third in the world versus twenty-third in the world Oglethorpia. It was an even game 30 minutes in, before Spaam's powerful offense took advantage of the four-man defense of Oglethorpia - Spaam 1, Oglethorpia nil.

The second half opened up slowly before Javier would score an equalizer in the 51st minute; all of a sudden the Oglethorpian crowd came alive with shouts of "JA-VI-ER!" behind the goal of Oglethorpia's keeper Manuel; after all, the sides had switched after the half and Oglethorpia's offense no longer played towards the giant Oglethorpian flag above the crowd. It was not until the 69th minute before Rich Stewart would score the goal putting Oglethorpia up two-one; beers were spilled throughout Oglethorpia City's bars as Gastón Moreno let out his shout of "GGOOOOOAAAAALL!!!" as Stewart knocked it in.

For the second time in the nation's World Cup history, Oglethorpia had qualified for the second round. Never had they done it since World Cup Five, when they were knocked out in the first game of the second round.

Coach Guy Picciotto now stands under a great deal of stress, pressured to put the team further than they have ever gone in Oglethorpian Cup history.

Oglethorpia - 2
Javier 56, Stewart 69
Spaam - 0
[Player] 31

TIMWAY WINS GROUP D

Timway triumphed over Commerce Heights and the rest of Group D with a 2-0 victory this afternoon. This puts Timway at the top of the group's final ledger with 7 points. More to come later.

BSTV - BSTV Sports Today

Bill: Hello and welcome to BSTV Sports Today! I'm Bill Townsend, here with special guest Alicia Johnson, who played forward for the Bedistani World Cup team in Tanah Burung. Good to see you again, Alicia.

Alicia: It's great to be here.

Bill: Now I remember watching you play for the Lions in our international debut. You were one of the stars of the World Cup 5 team. Did you have any idea the team would eventually achieve the level of success it has now?

Alicia: I was amazed when we qualified in WC5, which of course wouldn't have happened but for the loss of Al Quds. Luck was certainly on our side that day, and it looks like that luck has stayed with the team ever since, catapulting them to number five in the world. It's just incredible.

Bill: That it is. Let's take a look at the team's performance in the last two matches of the first round. First, we have Bedistan vs. Gesamtkuntswerk.

Alicia: Aye, I remember playing the Sturms in WC5 qualifying. As I recall, we drew 1-1.

Bill: Here you can see Gesamtkuntswerk striking early. Here we are in the 21st minute, it looks like they're coming in from the right, they get Bream off her line, and they complete the maneuver, sending it into the top left. 1-0 Sturms.

Alicia: I've been continuing to watch the team over the last decade, and while Olivia might have made a mistake like that back in Tanah Burung, she is certainly more experienced now. That should not have happened.

Bill: And then in the 34th, Thomas with that not-too-clean tackle. There you see the yellow he got for that, and the penalty kick was good.

Alicia: Good old Coach Parker made a number of substitutions at halftime. Firstly, he took Bream out, putting Chuck Mitchell in her place. Then, it looks like he has settled his team into the 4-4-2; we used a 3-4-3 formation back when I played. I think Coach's substitutions here were a little bit too offense-oriented. Nelson and Rivera were taken out, Taft and Tibbetts in, setting up the 3-3-4. Unfortunately, we couldn't get any attacks going because we were having trouble on the back lines, and we took the two-nil loss.

Bill: With Lemmitania beating Snub Nose 38, that put all four teams at three points going into the final match. A loss would cost us the group, a draw could potentially lead to a tie for second place. That team needed to win.

Alicia: Snub Nose attacked first, Bream here doing her best, making what looks like a fantastic save, but the ball is just out of her reach. 1-0 Snub Nose in the 7th minute.

Bill: But then Johnny Lewis equalizes on a penalty kick in the 28th. At the half, the score stayed 1-1.

Alicia: And then came something the likes of which I had never seen before.

Bill: Oh yes, let's roll the footage, please...

Alicia: If you look over there [points] at the east tunnel, you'll see a group of about thirty people suddenly running onto the field.

Bill: What are those red things they're carrying?

Alicia: I'm not really sure. But here you can see one of them throwing one up high into the stands, and then BAM! [pauses tape] Look at that explosion!

Bill: Whatever that is, it appears to have exploded right in the face of that Snub Nose 38 fan!

Alicia: And now the other thirty open fire. You can see this utter barrage of small red projectiles, seemingly randomly exploding. One thing I noticed, though: none of the Bedistani fans appear to be harmed by it. Only the Snub Nosers seem to be hit.

Bill: Something else strange: nobody appears to be firing any food or animals at the Hooligan Cheerleaders over on the other side of the field! They must all be caught up in the action over here.

Alicia: Wait...there's a group of about a dozen more people coming through the west tunnel -- and there! More red projectiles flung at the cheerleaders, and now they're covered in red stuff!

Bill: ....I've got it! They must be evisceratomatoes!

Alicia: Evisa-what-o's?

Bill: Evisceratomatoes. Engineered by Tanah Burung scientists, they go rotten when they see a Snub Nose 38 citizen.

Alicia: Aha! That would explain it!

Bill: Hey, Geoff! Any word on the origin of these tomato-bombers?

Geoff (backstage): Not that I've heard.

Alicia: Hmm. Well, anyway, it looks like we're out of time here. Tibbetts and Sierra got two more goals in the second half, giving the Lions a 3-1 victory over Snub Nose.

Bill: Until next time, I'm Bill Townsend for Alicia Johnson, saying good day, everyone.

-------------------

Final score:
Bedistan 0
Gesamtkuntswerk 2 (21, 35)

Final score:
Bedistan 3 (Lewis 28, Tibbetts 55, Sierra 76)
Snub Nose 38 1 (7)

LIVERPOOL ENGLAND WORLD CUP REPORT


LIVERPOOL ENGLAND FINISH ROUND ONE UNBEATEN; HAD QUALIFIED WITH ONE GAME TO GO.
[code:1:2429d1d60d]
Q/E POS RANK TEAM P W D L F A GD PTS
QLF 1ST 28TH LIV ENGLAND 3 2 1 0 6 2 +4 7
--- 2ND 12TH SQUORNSHELOUS 3 0 2 1 U U U 2
--- 3RD 01ST ERRINUNDERA 2 0 1 1 3 5 -2 1
--- 4TH 06TH ARIDDIA 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0
*ARIDDIA'S EXACT RECORD IS UNKNOWN TO THIS NEWSPAPER
U=UNKNOWN
[/code:1:2429d1d60d]

The Maracaibo Post

Where did Mike go?
Where have all the Mikes dispersed to?

The format of the first name of Michael and a last name based on some sort of color has exploded in popularity over the duration of World Cup 8 till now; so bad that [near] identity-theft lawsuits were thrown around by Oglethorpian commentator Mike White, who's exact location is unknown as of now. Here is a list of the Mike's, as they appeared through the past months.

Mike Black - RNN sportscaster, first target of White's identity-theft suit.

Mike White - Oglethorpia's own commentator of 19 years who worked for the COSN before going awol.

Mike Green - Bedistani, second to be hit with an identity-theft suit.

Mike Orange - From Commerce Heights, who soon went into hiding for fear of litigation.

Mike Gray - Hired by the COSN after Mike White went missing. Commentates Oglethorpian WC games.

Mike Grey - Snub Nose 38 citizen, writes for the Scuttlebutt.

Mike Yellow - From Liverpool England, threatened to sue White.

Mike Brown - Oglethorpian, wherabouts unknown, commentates Giant Evil Spider Football League matches.

As you can see, the World Cup commentating scene is saturated with Mike Colors. Many analysts across Oglethorpia ask: "where have all the Mike's gone?" Of course they're not reffering to Michael Black, who seems to be the only one to have survived the fallout and continues to commentate World Cup 8 for Ravenspirans everywhere. More on this story as it comes.

---

Presidential Residence
Tripoli, Oglethorpia

President Sam Hedland sat in his office. Two men sat in front of his desk: Sporting Director Ben Wright and Futebol Director George McDouglas.

"Alright, down to business," the President said.
"Mr. President, we've still got, what, ten Mikes running around, all sports commentators?" George said, not sure of the count anymore.
"We're up to eight," Wright said.
"Hmmm. That's a problem," the President remarked.
"Yes," McDouglas agreed.

The President shuffled through some papers, obviously thinking about something.

"How about...we ban the name "Mike" and using a color for a last name for twenty years?" the President suggested.
"That would work," McDouglas mused.
"No problem here. Go ahead and do it," Wright said.
"Then it'll be put to vote," the President said.

Soon the President had the Act drafted up.

---


BE IT RESOLVED, that eight commentators is too many to have all commentating the World Cup, and that it will inevitably confuse World Cup fans in the end, that the 'There are Too Many Mikes' Act will ban the name Mike in the nation of Oglethorpia for fourty years.

FURTHER, in addition to banning the name Mike, names based on colors will also be banned under this Act when used in conjunction with the first name Mike.

Ex. Green, Black, White, Gray, Grey & Brown.



---

The Maracaibo Post

No more Mikes in Oglethorpia
No more Mikes in Oglethorpia, says government

With the passing of the 'There Are Too Many Mikes' Act by Parliament 67 to 33, the act effectively ensures that the only Mikes in Oglethorpia in the next fourty years will be those born before this date. The act calls for the banning of the name Mike, and using colors for a last name in conjunction with Mike is also considered an offense to the act. Offenders are to be fined 10,000 Pachinkos (OOC: 1 P = 1 USD) and any Mikes in the family subject to the name change of 'Remington.' Analysts expect it to cut down on any new Mikes appearing in the commentating business by 35% when the ban is in full swing, or twenty years from now.

"This way, we won't see a 18 year old Mike Fuschia playing futebol, or have a 25-30 year old Mike Lavender commentating World Cup futebol sometime down the line," said a lead analyst taking a look at the recently-passed act. More on this development as it comes.

Commerce Heights Eliminated From World Cup By Another Loss
INTERNATIONAL CITY - Yesterday, Group D was a group that anybody could win.
Today, the group is almost decided (subject to the result of the GZ-ORD game).
Timway secured its position in the Round of 16 with a 2-0 win over #54 Commerce Heights (6-4-3) - the first shutout of the Bulldogs in World Cup 8 and only the second in their history - the only other one being against unranked Praetorian Rome in WC7. However much they tried, no Commerce Heights player was able to get the ball past the goal, and Vojtilo wasn't able to stop Timway from taking the lead and keeping it.
(54) Commerce Heights 0
(31) Timway 2 - FT
Bulldogs fans will have to wait 4 years for World Cup 9 to begin - a Cup in which Commerce Heights will have a Top 32 rank.
[code:1:3df9bb6ff5]Group D–International City P W D L F A GD Pts
Timway (31)* 3 2 1 0 5 2 +3 7
Giant Zucchini (21) 2 1 0 1 3 3 0 3
Commerce Heights (54)** 3 1 0 2 3 5 -2 3
One Red Dot (16) 2 0 1 1 2 3 -1 1
*qualified
**unable to qualify[/code:1:3df9bb6ff5]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 11: vs #16 One Red Dot – W 2-1
Day 12: vs #21 Giant Zucchini – L 1-2
Day 13: vs #31 Timway – L 0-2
Statistics
[code:1:3df9bb6ff5] Overall WC7 WC8
Games Played 23 10 13
Wins 9 3 6
Draws 7 3 4
Losses 7 4 3
Avg. Opp. Rank 73.4 62.6 81.7
Highest Opp. Rank 16 18 16
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 16 18 16
Avg. Offense 1.5 1.5 1.5 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.4 1.8 1.2 gpg
Goal Differential +2 -3 +5
Rank 100 54[/code:1:3df9bb6ff5]

The Antaeus Rising Team return home knowing that at least their ranks have improved, and hopefully they can make it to the second round next time.

Full list of results:
Antaeus Rising 2 Demonic Beings 2
Antaeus Rising 2 Ravenspire 2
Antaeus Rising 0 Oddslavo 2

(double post)

SARGARD STAR

Curse Broken!
Ravens Through for First Time

Tripoli, Oglethorpia -- Millions of football fans throughout the nation rejoiced today as the Ravens clinched a second victory, ensuring that the team will, for the first time, advance beyond the first round of the World Cup.

"After the [second] match against Antaeus Rising, there was some concern," noted RNN sports commentator Michael Black. "A draw is definitely better than a loss, but the team has never gone through before, so any setback, especially when they'd seemed to be in such a good position, was in some minds an indication of the 'curse,'" he explained, referring to the superstitious belief among some fans that a malevolent influence prevented the team from passing through the first round.

Zhen Sui-Ling, the Ravens' captain and the only member of the squad to have played in all World Cups since the third (Ravenspire's first), chuckled when asked for comment. "I can see why people might think so. A few years back, we came really close, but we lost to Spaam on a penalty kick. That was about the best shot we'd had until last year, when we came out of qualifying strong, only to have half our side called to war in the Mishakal incident. This has been a long time coming, but there's no question the team deserves it. This is the best we've ever been."

The 2-2 draw against Antaeus proved a textbook game, with a certain lack of energy on both sides -- a fact that contributed to the fears. Fortunately, however, the side was back up to par for today's match against Demonic Beings. After what seemed like a disastrous start, with Demonic Beings scoring early in the first half, the Ravens came together to effectively control the match from that point on; the defense limited the Beings' shots on goal to six, while the strikers made assault after assault, each of the four except relative newcomer Arawn Frost scoring one goal before the match's conclusion.

With the historic victory, Ravenspire's odds have improved; the Ravenspire Gaming Commission now pegs the Ravens' odds at 8-to-1.

Goals:
vs. Antaeus Rising: Arawn Frost (31), Amara Akizuki (70)
vs. Demonic Beings: Kaede Kitsuki (21), Zhen Sui-Ling (44), Amara Akizuki (69)

I'll get a match report out tomorrow. Brace yourselves for Errinundera v. Ariddia! ;)

I'll get a match report out tomorrow. Brace yourselves for Errinundera v. Ariddia! ;)

The Porlamar Times

Most Oglethorpians not ready!
Census Bureau report says Oglethorpians could be knocked off their feet at any time

In a report made public to the press today, it was stated by the Census Bureau that in fact, 50% of all Oglethorpians are not braced for the Errinundera vs. Ariddia World Cup match. When the time comes for the broadcast, most Oglethorpians are predicted to either be "floored, flabbergasted, or jaw-dropped" said Census Director Keith Beckham. "It's appaling how unprepared we are. Say that half of all Oglethorpians manage to see this game somehow, and they really are knocked off their feet by how amazingly-exciting it was. Then, say, hypothetically, we're simultaneously invaded. Bam, Oglethorpia's invaded by Rob Patterson's liberal army and we've got state-sponsored religion."

Keith Beckham apologized for his statements, saying he just got 'carried-away.' Private analysts say nothing of the sort will happen. Other analysts say we're foolhardy for publishing such drivel.

More as it comes.

OOC: Oy, is there a link for a WC9?

dere you go
http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=75434&start=200

Thank you :)

LIVERPOOL ENGLAND WORLD CUP REPORT


Report by Michael Yellow*
ODDSLAVO QUALIFY FOR ROUND OF 16 WITH SIX POINTS
Odds to win title:
Liverpool England 16-1
Oddslavo 34-3
-------------------------------
Timway 20-1
Ravenspire 20-1
second qualifier in Group G (Errinundera or Ariddia) 13-2
The Belmore Family 13-2
second qualifier from Group D (Giant Zucchini) 16-1 (or One Red Dot) 14-3 (fav)

*Michael Yellow is a registered trademark

World Cup Report: Special News: Michael Yellow backs off from identity theft suit
Report by Josh Hinar in Oglethorpia
Michael Yellow, LEWCR reporter, has withdrawn from the Michael [insert favourite colour here] suit which involves Mike Black, White, Green, Gray, Grey, Yellow and Brown.

Yellow was quoted as saying, "I feel that the threat has been brought across, now that [Mike White] is AWOL, it's fine and I will back off." The Oglethorpian Parliament has issued a ban on all people named Mike from now on.

You are watching:
World Cup 8 - Group D:
Giant Zucchini vs One Red Dot - Post match report


FLASHBACK: “…The Zucchinis finally opened their account against nine-man One Red Dot when Urk trapped the ball on his chest, beat Nyodai Shiru with a flick and then volleyed a left-foot shot through the legs of Gokitama (1 : 0, 70’). It was a tremendous finish…”
- World Cup 5 - Group H


Needing to win, One Red Dot pushed forward early and was made to pay the price by Giant Zucchini who scored three times in the first 38 minutes to reserve their place in the second round of the FIFA World Cup™.

The referee awarded Phoot a penalty kick in the 20th minute, which was converted by Urk. The ex-World Cup champions added two further first-half goals by Kerrnigit, who now has three in the tournament. One Red Dot stormed back in the second half, getting goals from Komoko Goharu, Francis Dursley, and a penalty by Parry Radford, but it was too late for the Samurais, who finish with one point in last place, failing yet again to get past the group stage.

One Red Dot wasted little time generating the attack. Harry Radford had the first chance when he controlled a headed pass by Yutaro Morikitsu at the back post, but his shot was well off target (7’).

When Nishiban Tokumoto played a soft pass back to goalkeeper Stanley Matthews, the speedy Phoot slipped in to intercept and after rounding Matthews, the referee ruled the keeper pulled Phoot down and called a penalty kick. Urk calmly stepped to the spot and placed his shot to the right of Matthews, who guessed the opposite way (1:0, 20’).

One Red Dot came back right away with a Parry Radford free kick, but his 25-metre effort was saved by a diving Oog (22’). Moments later, a wild scramble on the edge of the Giant Zucchini goal box looked dangerous but never resulted in a shot on goal.

Giant Zucchini doubled the lead on a counter-attack putting One Red Dot in serious peril. After beating his defender at midfield, Gung raced down the left side. As he reached the penalty area, he slowed enough for Kerrnigit to join the play and rip an 18-metre right-footer into the top-right corner (2:0, 26’).

With no choice but to take chances, One Red Dot was exposed in the back again and went down by three goals. Urk chipped a ball over the top of the back line and Kerrnigit did well to pop the ball over Matthews on the volley and off the underside of the crossbar for his second goal of the match (3:0, 38’).

Needing to win to go through to the round of 16, One Red Dot struck in the first minute of the second half. Radford’s close-range shot was saved, but the rebound fell directly into the path of half-time substitute Komoko Goharu and he had no trouble finishing (3:1, 46’).

They threatened again with a free kick near the corner flag. Francis Dursley found Radford at the top of the area, but his drive was blocked by a defender. The rebound was taken by Dursley and his shot went out for a goal kick (56’).

Dursley brought One Red Dot within one when he chested down a clearance by Humm 20 metres out and looped a volley into the far-side netting (3:2, 69’).

One Red Dot kept coming and nearly had the game level as Radford’s 25-metre free kick just missed the far post (71’).

An Oog punt sent Phoot into the clear, but the Giant Zucchini forward could not beat a charging Matthews (76’). Moments later, Dursley had his own breakaway, but was also disappointed when his shot rolled wide of the target (77’).

Goharu worked a clever one-two with Radford to break in on goal and was fouled in the area, setting up the equalising spot-kick from Radford as stoppage time approached (3:3, 88’).

Now needing one goal to crush One Red Dot’s dream, Giant Zucchini had a final chance when Kerrnigit’s 20-metre effort was cleared off the line by Dazaki Migirai and Phoot’s rebound header bulged the net (4:3, 92’).


Final score:

Giant Zucchini - 4
Urk (pen 20), Kerrnigit (26, 38), Phoot (92)

One Red Dot - 3
Goharu (46), Dursley (69), Radford (88)


Man of the Match: Kerrnigit

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini have made it past the group stage of the World Cup after beating arch-rivals One Red Dot 4 goals to 3. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "Yes indeed, I am very satisfied. I feel extraordinarily well. We did very well in the first half but in the second half we had a lot of work to do. We didn't play very well. We are satisfied that we are in the round of 16. They will be tough matches because there will be the strongest teams like Oglethorpia, Timway and Ravenspire. Our players proved their abilities and so we'd like to create another wonderful story for Giant Zucchini football and create another big surprise."

Transcript from 60 Dot Minutes

Nation Weeps as ORD Unable to Qualify for Second Round Five Times. Consecutively

The Free Land of One Red Dot has something to weep about. No, its not because the 'groping Arnie' has become governor. No, its not because thousands of sheep that could feed millions of hungry Africans had to return to Australia. It was because One Red Dot has failed to enter the second round again. And this is not the first time, not the second time, nor was it the third or fourth time. This is the FIFTH time that ORD has never entered the second round despite qualifying for the first round.

What is this mysterious phenomenon that disallows ORD entry into the second round and beyond? Why was it that teams like Spaam and Audioslavia managed to enter the hall of the second round and more easily?

This year, ORD has been ranked 16th is the highest ranked in the group. Logically, ORD should be making its way smoothly with 21st rank Giant Zucchini, leaving 54th ranked Commerce Heights and 31st rank Timway in their wake. However, this is not the case as it is Timway that takes ORD's place. Was there sabotage involve? Or did the National Team really have a lack of skill?

VO (Alvin Ker, Head Coach): "ORD ranks 16th this WC, and we should be able to break this so-called curse and move on further up the ladder into the second round"

VO (Anna Lizst, TV Station Statsician): " With a 16th rank it should be no problem, hey stop filmin' me!"

Experts in their own field but yet the predictions still fall. How is it possible that a 16th ranked team fall from the skies, beaten by 54th rank Commerce Heights 1-2, drawing 31st ranked Timway 1-1 and losing to 21st rank Giant Zucchini 3-4. What is it that keeps ORD away from their goal?

Man on Street from ORD: I'd say sabotage really, ORD has come a really long way. It's been 20 years already, wha's keeping them from getting the cup? Brazillico could get it twice, GZ and Erri got it after 8 years, Dennisov after 4 years. If you ask me, they did something to the water they give us.

Man in cafe from CH: Ha! You are asking me about that useless ORD? That 16th place don't scare us one bit. They fell right in our faces and the next time we meet, it'll happen again.

A study on the field of Unity Stadium so far have shown nothing that could spoil our chances of winning and a chemical analysis of the water supplied to us is still going under experiment.

It is a strange thing that ORD lies at the bottom of the table, a place which ORD is very unfortunately accustomed to. How is it that when a match is played during a First Round match, we have won only a match against Oglethorpia in WC7. Out of the 15 matches, we have won 1, drew 7, and lost 7 times?

Were our opponents too powerful? No, studies have shown that score differencs have exceeded no more than a average of 0.6, which indicates that scorelines were always very close and we were just as good as our opponents. Were our players too nervous? No, a full psychological checkup is given to each and every player, including reserves, to make sure they are as calm as cucumbers. Was there sabotage involve, or is it a conspiracy among the 'forces' somewhere, or was it the water supplied by Bedistan during the matches?

This has definitely been ORD's worst season ever and we leave you with those questions in mind, only to see you when WC9 comes and hopefully the 'forces' would seek the problems and may we be able to go on to the second round and beyond.

WCVIII Group D:
[code:1:ac5cca9018]Group D P W D L F A GD Pts
Timway (31) 3 2 1 0 5 2 +3 7
Giant Zucchini (21) 3 2 0 1 7 6 +1 6
Commerce Heights (54) 3 1 0 2 3 5 -2 3
One Red Dot (16) 3 0 1 2 5 7 -2 1[/code:1:ac5cca9018]

ORD World Cup Record:
[code:1:ac5cca9018]World Cup WC4 WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8
Matches Played 9 10 17 13 13

Wins 3 5 9 9 6
Draws 3 0 7 1 2
Losses 3 5 1 3 5

Goals For 9 17 31 31 22
Average GF 1.00 1.70 1.82 2.38 1.69
Goals Against 10 16 16 9 19
Average GA 1.11 1.60 0.94 0.69 1.46
Goal Diff. –1 +1 +15 +22 +3
Average GD -0.11 0.11 0.88 1.69 0.23

Total Matches 9 19 36 49 62

Acc. Wins 3 8 17 26 32
Acc. Draws 3 3 10 11 13
Acc. Losses 3 8 9 12 17

Accumulated GF 9 26 57 88 110
Ave. Acc. GF 1.00 1.37 1.58 1.80 1.77
Accumulated GA 10 26 42 51 70
Ave. Acc. GA 1.11 1.37 1.17 1.04 1.13
Accumulated GD -1 0 +15 +37 +40
Ave. Acc. GD -0.11 0 0.42 0.76 0.65

Average Opp. Rank 64.67 65.20 52.80 53.38 91.38
Highest Opp. Rank 12 5 8 7 21
Lowest Opp. Rank 100 100 100 100 150

Pre-Match Rank 100 27 30 22 16

*Rounding-ups/downs may cause calculative errors in the table.[/code:1:ac5cca9018]

Scuttlebutt - Saturday Morning Edition

World Cup 8 Group E Update - Hooligans Out!
Columbia, Bedistan aspn wire Remington Grey

[code:1:40bd9de482]Group E P W D L F A GD Pts
Bedistan (5) 3 2 0 1 6 3 +3 6
Gesamtkuntswerk (38) 2 1 0 1 3 3 0 3
Lemmitania (20) 2 1 0 1 1 3 -2 3
Snub Nose 38 (10) 3 1 0 2 4 5 -1 3[/code:1:40bd9de482]

With the first match of match day 3 complete, Bedistan is through to round 2, and the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans have been eliminated. If Lemmitania wins the Lemming - Sturms match, they will go on. Likewise, should Gesamtkunstwerk win, they will go through. In the event of a draw the Sturms will go through on the strength of a better goal differential.

The Hooligans are on their way home. As the team boarded the airport for the trip back to Sten, Snub Nose 38 Security detained the entire management staff.

In a related story the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages has turned up missing. This was discovered when the Remington Country Sherrif went to the ministry earlier today to arrest the Minister. He did arrest someone who would only give her name as "Margaret", who was hollering something about 'blasted random number gods!' and 'when I get my hands on him!' No one was quite sure what she meant by these statements.

Who?
Sten, Snub Nose 38 Harry Carry

Mike Grey stepped into the District Court of Remington County this morning, and 30 minutes later Remington Grey stepped out. In a show of solidarity with the new Oglethorpian Law "There Are Too Many Mikes", ASPN Reporter Mike Grey had his name legally changed to Remington Grey.

Ending the Effects of Evisceratomatoes
Academy of Science Press Conference
The Academy applied for, and was granted, a legal waiver to use the word "evisceratomato" during this press conference.

The Academy of Science today announced that they have created a new research team with the targeted goal of eliminating the effects of evisceratomatoes on citizens of Snub Nose 38.

"Several factors contributed to getting this project off the ground," said Albert Onestone, Chief Academician. "The "Eauzian Pelting Incident," for one, as well as the more recent "Bedistani Pelting Incident", and the recent discovery that there exists a nation of sentient evisceratomatoes, The Free State of Evisceratomatoes. It was the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages who requested we look into some way to nullify the evisceratomato effects on our citizenry."

The evisceratomato was developed by Tanah Burung. The vegetable itself, as well as the use of it's name, are banned in Snub Nose 38.

On the brink of Timway's first knockout round game in its history, I bring you.....MORE STATS!

[code:1:ff5bb4a7be]World Cup WC6 WC7 WC8
Matches Played 14 13 13

Wins 5 6 8
Draws 4 2 2
Losses 5 5 3

Goals For 26 30 30
Average GF 1.86 2.31 2.31
Goals Against 31 25 19
Average GA 2.21 1.92 1.46
Goal Diff. –5 +5 +11
Average GD -0.36 0.38 0.85

Total Matches 14 27 40

Acc. Wins 5 11 19
Acc. Draws 4 6 8
Acc. Losses 5 10 13

Accumulated GF 26 56 86
Ave. Acc. GF 1.86 2.07 2.15
Accumulated GA 31 56 75
Ave. Acc. GA 2.21 2.07 1.86
Accumulated GD -5 0 +11
Ave. Acc. GD -0.36 0 0.28

Pre-Match Rank 100 46 31 [/code:1:ff5bb4a7be]

Scuttlebutt - Saturday Morning Edition

Who?
Sten, Snub Nose 38 Harry Carry

Mike Grey stepped into the District Court of Remington County this morning, and 30 minutes later Remington Grey stepped out. In a show of solidarity with the new Oglethorpian Law "There Are Too Many Mikes", ASPN Reporter Mike Grey had his name legally changed to Remington Grey.


"We applaud Mik- Remington Grey."

-Teh Government

The Columbia Times - South Bedistan's Premier News Source

27 Arrests Made in Pelting Incident

COLUMBIA, FD -- Twenty-seven men and women of foreign origin were arrested today by Columbia police after having been seen hurling evisceratomatoes at fans watching the recent Bedistan-Snub Nose 38 football match at Holmes Stadium. While police officials would not release any details regarding the nationalities of the accused, several are suspected of hailing from Gilmeecia. Again, this has not been confirmed. We will bring you more on this story as we get more information.

InterAsteroidal News Network Special Report

In a special press conference today, Niffiner Moosekopf, Rogue in Chief of the Rogue Nation of Runaway Moose announced that Runaway Moose has passed a "Fair Play Act".
This comes as a result of recent events in first round of the World Cup VIII football tournament.
One of the many stipulations of the act was the following:
"If in any international sporting event involving Alces Rex or taking place within the borders of Runaway Moose, a violent action should be taken against a particular nation, whether by fans, the players or a third party, that sporting event shall be terminated, to be restarted (should both participating nations wish it so) at a later date and in a secure location."

Moosekopf also announced that the Rogue Nation is offering scientific personnel and financial aid to fellow Asteroidal nation Snub Nose 38 for their research regarding the end of the evisceratomato threat to their nation.

***This has been an INN special report***

Alces Rex Win Group!!!!

OOC: Report of game to follow after I get back from costume call.

<OOC>No match report, unfortunately. But Lemmitania beats Gesmtkuntswerk to go through, along with Bedistan, in our group, while GKW and Snub Nose 38 are eliminated. A tough group.

Gilmeecia, in another tough group, may or not be through-- regardless of the Runaway Moose match result, both Gil and RM will be through unless Kingsford wins.

The play, "Kikere: Coach of Gilmeecia" will be concluded in a total of 9 scenes, regardless of whether Gilmeecia advances; events of international signifiance hang in the balance (as scene three will reveal).</OOC>

*taps foot* waiting for act 3

Scene three, which takes place after the second match of the group stage, in which Gilmeecia defeated Dennisov 2-0.

[code:1:0230cb986f]Scene 3

ENTER Kikere, Horschackio, Cargill, Gilderbecke.

Cargill
A fine performance by our Kickfooters;
Though Dennisov is no longer the team
That once won the Cup, they’re still a fine side
And a victory o’er them is true cause
For celebration in Gilmeecia;
The good people, Oppressed though they may be,
Will be o’erturning what cars they can find,
Lighting varied and sundry things afire,
Running loose throughout the poorly-drain’d streets,
And widely making merry (and trouble) tonight.
This first-ever win in a World Cup match
Will surely lead to rioting, and true,
‘Twill be a deserv’d respite from the cares
And tribulations of this hard, hard life
For all these poor Gilmeecian people.
Who’d begrudge them this meagre bit of fun?
Not I, certainly, nor any person
Who thinks right thoughts and has a heart.
Horschackio ‘Tis true.
And yet, I fear, our worthy president,
Will see it with other eyes. He’s not so
Keen, I’d venture, on riots in the streets,
For if my eyeballs have not deceived me,
Ground Forces are everywhere, on alert,
Watching for the least disturbance of peace,
Ready to keep law and order firmly intact,
E’en against the whims of the good people.
Tonight, I fear, the fires set by ‘ruly
Celebrants will be not the only flames;
Those partiers will, I fear, be themselves
Set afire, by the ‘throwers used so oft
To ebb the fast-rising Zombie tide.
Without a doubt, ‘twill quell any riot
To be incinerated; but it seems,
To this good Gilmeecian mind, at least,
A mite unfair to burn until crispy
Those patriots so enthused by a win
That they cannot control their base urges,
And run rampant, but happy, in the streets.
But our Coach speaks not, and surely her words,
Being the wisest in the land, should ought
Be heard, and given due consideration.
Kikere
Surely, even so base a soul as Lou
Wouldn’t really ever turn flamethrowers
Upon his own people? You can’t mean it.
Horschackio
I fear he would. Think you it’s a wrong thing?
Kikere
It’s hideous. Utterly hideous.
And what’s more, it would likely bring the wrath
Of th’International Community.
Many a nation would take great offense
To see a president so obscenely
Treat his people-- be they Oppressed, or not.
Cargill
What’s it to this-- how did you say? The, um,
“International Community” thing,
Whatever that may be?
Kikere You poor, dense fool,
The International Community
Means all those sovereign nations outside
Gilmeecian borders. But I can see
By the blank look on your startled visage
That you’ve no concept of that which I mean.
Look, Wrench, have you never stood at the fence,
The great fence which surrounds your tiny land,
And gazed across to those greener pastures,
And not wonder’d about those who live there?
Evidently, you have not. None of you,
It would seem, have the slightest idea
Of life outside Gilmeecia. And yet,
All of you have travelled, with the ‘Footers,
To myriad, sundry foreign lands.
You’ve ridden the team bus to Loro Sae,
Which has an International Airport,
From which we’ve flown around the great big World,
You’ve looked out the airplane windows and seen,
Far below, cities and farmlands, mountains,
Oceans, forests, deserts, plains, rivers, seas,
In short-- enough to have more’n an inkling
That Gilmeecia makes not the whole World.
These sixteen hundred square kilometers
Make up but the barest part of It. O!
You poor, poor fools, to have travelled the World
Yet not know it exists. Tell me, will you,
Who is it that you think we’ve been playing
When, for the past five years, time and again,
We’ve taken the pitch to face football squads
Representing all these many nations?
Cargill
Say huh?
Gilderbecke Wha?
Horschackio What, you mean like Dennisov,
Who so recently we beat, two-nothing?
Kikere
Yeh. Like them precisely. From where d’you think
The Dennish players hail?
Horschackio Dennisov Street?
Cargill
I thought they were prisoners that good Lou
Released for a while so we could play ‘em.
Kikere
And did you not notice the match took place
Not in Gilmeecia, but Bedistan?
Cargill
Bediwha?
Horschackio On Bedistan Street, you mean?
Kikere
There’s no Dennisov Steet; nor Bedistan.
These are not mere streets in Gilmeecia;
They’re nations! Countries! How could you miss it?
Gilderbecke
Miss what, now?
Kikere If I’d a rock, I’d bash you.
You’re all a bunch of morons.
Horschackio No way!
Kikere Way.
I’m afraid, Morris, that e’en you are dumb.
But try to feel not too bad about it.
You’re Gilmeecians. Rememb’ring to breathe
Occupies more than half your brain function.
Being able to win football matches
Surely takes up more than the other half;
‘Tis a wonder your heads ar’n’t all smoking.
Plus, I’m sure I’ve caused brain damage with those rocks.
Fine, then. Think what you will of the great World.
Believe it’s all a bunch of local steets.
It matters not; it just makes the Glory
The greater.
Cargill What Glory would that be, Coach?
Kikere
The Glory of developing this team
From a sorry bunch of rock-eating schmoes
Into a world-class football side. For that,
My fine furry friends, is what you’ve become.
Horschackio
That sounds great, but in th’end, what good’s glory?
Kikere
Listen, Horschackio, and listen well.
There’s only one reason I’m here as Coach.
I’d give Gilmeecia a wide, wide berth,
Avoiding the place like Bubonic Plague,
But for the chance at Glory it gave me.
After seeing the Crocodiles, my team,
The beloved squad of my motherland,
Tanah Burung, defeated, and left without
The second round in World Cup Six-- My team,
Not just ‘cause the Crocs hail from my homeland,
But “mine” because I was coaching that year,
And the elimination was my fault,
Arguably-- I was, ‘tis true, disgraced.
Fired by the National Football Congress,
The first Coach they’d ever given the axe,
I found myself with one alternative:
To start anew, with an unproven side,
And build it to contention; to start fresh,
And create from nought a fine football squad.
And with the meaner raw materials,
The Glory of my success is greater,
For in Gilmeecia I had not nought,
But less-than-nought, the vacuums in your skulls
As negative numbers ‘gainst my ledger;
And in shifting the balance from the red,
As it were, to the black, I’ve shown the World--
The World, you’ll remember, being something
More than Gilmeecia, a Thing Beyond--
That my skills as a coach may be, perhaps,
Unparallelled; or, at the very least,
Worthy of a big-buck long-term contract.
Gilderbecke
Look, Gobbins approaches. What ho, Gilgo! ENTER Gobbins
Gobbins
Hoy, Gilderbecke. Horschackio, Cargill,
And especially, Coach. ‘Tis you I seek.
Kikere
Well, you’ve found me. What of’t?
Gobbins Look what I’ve got.
Kikere
It looks like a piece of paper, folded.
Gobbins
A man passed it to me, through the big Fence.
He gave me a lemsonian as well,
And bid me deliver the thing to you.
Kikere
So give it here.
Gobbins Gladly.
Kikere Not the money,
Gilgo, the paper. The money’s for you.
Gobbins
Oh. How strange, that a man should be out there,
Beyond the Fence; and, what’s more strange than that,
That he should be handing out free money.
Kikere
The money’s a tip for delivering
This message to me. Bozo. But thank you.
Gobbins
But how can it be, that a man was there,
Beyond the Fence? Every Gilmeecian
Knows well, as we’re taught throughout our school years,
That nothing lays beyond the Fence.
Cargill True, true,
But Coach has just been saying diff’rently.
Apparently, in theory, at the least,
There are these “alternate” Gilmeecias,
Which exist in parallel to our own;
And people live in them. That’s what Coach said.
Kikere
I said nothing of the kind, you hoser.
But, listen! This message, borne by Gobbins,
Brings news of my homeland, Tanah Burung!
If these words be true-- and this signature
Is that of a dear friend and confidant,
Back home, well-placed, whom I’d trust with my life--
If these words be true, Ab Francisco’s out!
He’s met the same fate as Guntur Ruak,
And, of course, myself: fired as National coach.
But here’s the rub: they want me back!
Gilderbecke But why?
Kikere
Were you listening to nothing I’ve said?
I coached you morons into the World Cup.
We qualified, while the Crocs have failed to.
I’ve proven my abilities, and now--
Within the halls of Crocodile power,
‘Tis whispered, “Bi Bikere must return!”
Cargill
Who’s this Bi Kikere?
Kikere Me, idiot.
Cargill
I thought your name was “Coach.”
Kikere That’s my title.
Someone hand me a rock to bash his head.
Horschackio
But Coach, aren’t you signed to a contract?
You can’t just up and leave Gilmeecia.
Kikere
That’s true. I must speak to the president.
I’m off to negotiate my release.
Horschackio
Good luck, dear Coach.
Gilderbecke May th’wind stay at your back.

EXIT Kikere

Gobbins
I want to hear more about these strange
“Alternate Gilmeecias” about which,
If rumor be true, our wise, noble Coach
Has been edificating all you guys.
You’re telling me somewhere there’s a bad twin,
An Evil Gobbins, who wears a goatee,
And scores goals against our own Kickfooters
At every opportunity?
Cargill ‘Tis true.
At least, that’s what Coach Kikere told us.
Come, we’ll gaze in the looking glass, that strange,
Inexplicable device which allows
Our stares to cross the dimensional void,
And shows to us these strange “Other Countries”
Which, some say, exist beyond the Big Fence.

EXEUNT
[/code:1:0230cb986f]

Second Round Fixtures

James Oglethorpe National Stadium; Midshire, Oglethorpia
Haraki vs Gilmeecia

PariMedia Field; Sonoma City, Sonoma, Bedistan
Busby vs Bullonien

Tripoli Harbor Stadium; Tripoli, Oglethorpia
Runaway Moose vs Errinundera

Unity Stadium; International City of Paripana, Bedistan/Commerce Heights/Lontorica
The Belmore Family vs Liverpool England

Holmes Stadium; Columbia, Federal District, Bedistan
Ravenspire vs Europa Britannia

Kuruma Stadium; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia
Oddslavo vs Oglethorpia

Setting Sun Field; Alexandria, Neshoba, Bedistan
Timway vs Lemmitania

Langham Coliseum; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia
Giant Zucchini vs Bedistan

---

Updated fixtures.

Ariddia v. Errinundera

Simon (commentator): "Hello and good evening. Thank you for joining us for Ariddia versus Errinundera, the impossible match our team can’t afford to lose!"

Boris (commentator): "Quite. Only once in seven World Cups has Ariddia failed to make it past this stage, but this time if they want to stay in the competition they have to beat the defending champions. . ."

Simon: "And with neither al-Jibai nor Myrtille Dubois, they’re down on two of their assets. Still, let’s see what the roster looks like."


GK: Kim Kim (10)
DEF: Jean Cerf (4), John Ness (13), Jon Quinez (16), Samuel Wood (17)
MID: Ranjit Khan (7, capt), Andrei Karel (15), Luc N’tula (12)
ATT: Raphael Ford (2), Myn Terrell (3), Yte Nyussun (6)


Simon: "Interesting; they’ve opted for a 3-3-4 formation, emphasising on offence."


1st minute:
Simon: "Karel for the kick-off. Passes to Khan. Perhaps not a smart move; Errinundera’s defence is. . . Wait, N’yula with a clear path over the other side, Khan passes to him. . . N’tula rushing it forward, shoots. . . Scores!!!"

Boris: "That’s incredible! They just went round Errinunder’s players and slammed it into the net in the very first minute! Ariddian supporters in the stadium are on their feet and cheering! You can bet the World Champions aren’t going to let it stay at that, though. . ."


8th minute:
Boris: "Ariddia unable to move forward here, forced to construct its game back on its own side, looking for an opening. Karel passes back to Quinez. Quinez to Wood. Wood to Kim. . . Wait! Two Errinunderan players have slipped in, intercept, pass, shoot. . . Wood is there, deflects it with his foot, but Errinundera’a attacker is closest, gets it back, shoots. . . Deflected by Kim, she couldn’t block it. Ness tries to clear it, finds an attacker in his way. Shot again. . . And it’s in! Errinundera equalises."


30th minute:
Boris: "Errinundera has been hovering around Ariddia’s end of the pitch for a minute or so now, trying to slip it through. . . They have an opening! It’s played fast, with a pass and a shot. Kim saves it, passes a long way forward to Nyussun. . . and it’s a counter-attack, led by Nyussun and Terrell! Nyussun up against a defence wall, evades, passes to Terrell. . . Superbly played as he gets past two defenders, shoots. . . Right up in the corner, magnificent shot! 2-1 for Ariddia!"


47th minute:
Simon: "And Errinundera leading 3-2 as we start the second half of this match. For once, Ariddia has done substitutions, putting Kim back into forward position instead of Terrell, and Grey as goalkeeper."


94th minute:
Boris: "And with Ariddia unable to break Errinundera’s 3-2 lead, it looks like it’s all over. . . The game ends with a last corner kick for Ariddia. Our last chance to equalise here. Played quickly, one of Erri’s mid players leaps, as does N’tula. . ."

Simon: "Oh my, what’s happened here? N’tula is on the ground, clutching his jaw. . . Erri’s player moves over to him, Karel pushes him back, the referee rushes in. . . I didn’t even see where the ball went!"

Boris: "The goalkeeper saved it. Let’s see the replay. . . Ouch, the man’s elbow actually slammed into N’tula’s jaw! He’s spitting blood, it looks fairly serious. . ."

Simon: "And the referee has given Karel a yellow card for aggressive behaviour, but he also seems to have decide the Erri player’s gesture was reckless. N’tula gets to his feet, the medics help him off the field. And Ariddia gets a penalty kick!"

Boris: "We’re well past the normal ninety minutes here. If Ariddia can score this one, we go into sudden death mode, and both teams are on an equal footing once more. . . It’s a shot we CAN’T miss!"

Simon: "Kim is going to play it. The other players move out, and she takes a deep breath, thinking it through. Ariddia’s hopes are on her shoulders. . . She runs, shoots. . . It hits the top bar! Oh no, it hits the bar, bounces right in front of the line, and into the goalkeeper’s hands! It’s all over! Ariddia is eliminated from the Cup!’

Boris: "Kim Kim is on her knees. The twenty-two year old can’t believe she’s just missed that penalty kick. I think she’s crying. . ."

Simon: "Well, wouldn’t you feel terrible? She had the gaze of millions and the last chance of her team on her. Khan is comforting her."

Boris: "Well, it’s over for us. Ariddia will be back for World Cup 9. The goals by N’tula and Terrell just weren’t enough to get them through. You’ve been watching Ariddia versus Errinundera, final score 2-3; good night."

ooc: LE vs Gilmeecia? AGAIN?
Only once in recent RL history has this happened: WC02, Brazil vs Turkey!

Oddslavo to face modern Oglethorpia, beat 1900s side twice in qualifying

(more to come, will RP soon.)

Second Round Fixtures

James Oglethorpe National Stadium; Midshire, Oglethorpia
Haraki vs the Belmore Family

PariMedia Field; Sonoma City, Sonoma, Bedistan
Busby vs Bullonien

Will the next matches be mixed up again, otherwise I'm playing some-one in my group.

Second Round Fixtures

James Oglethorpe National Stadium; Midshire, Oglethorpia
Haraki vs Gilmeecia

PariMedia Field; Sonoma City, Sonoma, Bedistan
Busby vs Bullonien

Tripoli Harbor Stadium; Tripoli, Oglethorpia
Runaway Moose vs Errinundera

Unity Stadium; International City of Paripana, Bedistan/Commerce Heights/Lontorica
The Belmore Family vs Liverpool England

Holmes Stadium; Columbia, Federal District, Bedistan
Ravenspire vs Europa Britannia

Kuruma Stadium; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia
Oddslavo vs Oglethorpia

Setting Sun Field; Alexandria, Neshoba, Bedistan
Timway vs Lemmitania

Langham Coliseum; Oglethorpia City, Oglethorpia
Giant Zucchini vs Bedistan

---

Updated fixtures.

Second Round Fixtures
Unity Stadium; International City of Paripana, Bedistan/Commerce Heights/Lontorica
The Belmore Family vs Liverpool England

This is to be an interesting match

[img=http://www.abelmore.com/TDB.JPG[/img]
Belmore are looking to continue their advance one cup advance 1 round form by beating Liverpool England.... In other news Drs-Pol and Quinntonia, will there be peace.

Liverpool England VS The Belmore Family (International City)
The two potential co-hosts of World Cup Nine have been pitted in the World Cup Eight Round of 16. Liverpool England face The Belmore Family, but according to captain Caddy Cannon, "we are ready to face them. We had the best result out of all the 32 teams in the first round, and defeated both Errinundera and Ariddia." Meanwhile, in Oglethorpia, Oddslavo face their hosts. It is set to be one of the best matches ever in thw World Cup.

where is LSFR ? :?

where is LSFR ? :?

Eliminated in qualifying. The team finished 4th out of 6 teams in qualifying group 2.

- 'scuse me. pardon. oops! sorry.
*we hear the sound of dozens of conversations taking place simultaneously*
- Excuse me, please. thanks. sorry.
- Margaret! What?
- I thought I might find you here.
- I thought they'd arrested you, Margaret.
- Yes, but I escaped. They've put out an all points bulletin on me.
- What? What if they catch you?
- I think I could beat the rap. There isn't a law on the books making failure to properly sacrificially suplicate the random number gods illegal.
- Are they still looking for me?
- Yes...well, ostensibly, anyway. I don't think they really want to find you. They've made such a fuss over you with the medals and all, then fired you, then took you back - I think they hope you'll just quietly fade away.
- Oh. So, what are you going to do?
- I want to get the rest of the story.
- What story?
- You really never have a clue, do you?
- What?
- Here you sit, and yet you don't know what story I mean.
- Well, of course I don't. You didn't say.
- Be quiet. The house lights are dimming.

*we hear the orchestra start to play the overture. margaret takes her seat next to the ex-minister. the house lights fade out, and slowly the stage lights come up on the set for scene 4 of "kikere, coach of gilmeecia".*

This will choose a team for you to support if you are already out (http://www.abelmore.com/team.htm)

where is LSFR ? :?

Eliminated in qualifying. The team finished 4th out of 6 teams in qualifying group 2.wow ! :shock: we had placed our wishes into this WC, anyway, perhaps we'll start being competitive again in the WC9. :roll:

LOL @ TBF's idea :D

Kaze Progressans are supporting Runaway Moose. :D Several hundred fans from our nation, mostly from Kaza and Quarua, are flying out to the Tripoli Harbor Stadium to watch them face Errinundera, who destroyed us in WC7 qualifying en route to winning that cup. :D

This will choose a team for you to support if you are already out (http://www.abelmore.com/team.htm)

Hey, nice idea! :)

I should make note of four things:

1) The first team that appeared for me was Liverpool England.

2) Of course, that's irrelevant because my team is still in. However, Bedistan didn't show up until about the 50th refresh. :shock:

3) Giant Zucchini showed up earlier than Bedistan, and we're playing GZ in the second round. :?

4) "Oglethorpia" has one G, not two. ;)

This does not bode well...

That's a nice idea TBF. It says my fans will be supporting Gilmeecia, which makes a surprising amount of sense. But if the storylines determine things, they'll be cheering for Errinundera even louder.

CROCS COACHING CONUMDRUM
(From the Daily Crocodile)

With three coaches in row sacked, all Tanah Burung is in a tizzy about who will be next in the hot seat. Among the candidates:
- Guntur Ruak, past coach who took the Crocodiles through a triumphant and undefeated qualification campaign for WC7 and was fired after his team spiralled to defeat in Lemmington. Ruak is currently under contract to Tanah Tarantula and is rumoured to be insane, but still retains his popularity.
- Bi Kikere, the legendary goal keeper who led the Crocs to the championship match in WC2 and several Cups thereafter during which the team never failed to advance to the second round. Kikere has done wonders taking Gilmeecia from ignorance of all things, to the status of football power (although the players are of course still ignorant). 'Tis rumoured many want her back: but will Gilmeecia let her go?
- Mau Kiri Rai, the aged defence and sports minister and hero of the revolution, who currently coaches Black-and-Red Army in the domestic league.
- A campaign has been growing to hire someone from Errinundera. Advocates of this idea seem not to care who is hired, they just want the magic winning aura of the much-loved Longfoots to rub off on them.
- continuing the current system in use at the Frosty Cup tournament, in which player elect a coach from among themselves for each match.
- digging up the corpse of the late Matan Ruak, coach of the Crocodiles in WC2-5 and Guntur's father, and re-animating it under the "feather-bellied Crocodile" programme.

Now that we at last have all of our original, official results in, it should be noted that Halfassedstates [8] will be taking the place of Bullonien [65] in the second round. We apologize for the inconvenience and assure you all that this will not happen again.

*VILAEMNA TIMES*
Sunday October 12, 2003

Maybe Svecia was too complacent on the field Saturday afternoon. A just-barely loss to the 14th ranked Busby sqaud might have been tolerable, but a 6-1 blowout was just disgraceful. It didn't help that star goalkeeper Matt Fijts didn't play either. But considering the lopsided victories Svecia's offense had produced against comparable teams in the qualifying, most Svecian supporters assumed that their national team should be an automatic second round qualifyer for the fourth straight time, even without their rock in the net.

But a spectacular fireworks show from the Busby offense, in a game where the Svecian defense seemed to be asleep half the time, launching 23 shots with 16 of them landing on goal, brought the underdogs out on top of the veteran Svecian team, which managed only 7 shots, 2 of them on target, during the course of the night. Svecia has qualified for at least the second round in 4 of their 7 World Cup appearances to date and had traveled past the group stage in the last three World Cups. But last night was a horrible showing.

Matt Fijts did not play due to a leg injury sustained in the Jaktazea match on Thursday during a scramble in the penalty area. His replacement is nowhere near as talented. But even so, the defense that made remarkable showings during qualifying, broke down yesterday, and forwards had to sprint back many times to help out when defenders stabbed at the ball and were schooled 9 times out of 10.

Luckily for the team and coach, however, the Svecian media has been occupied lately with regional concerns in the Confederation of Libertarians, of which Svecian is a leading member, and the World Cup has been poorly covered. Svecia will return in World Cup 9, but with a much lower ranking than they would have hoped for.

This will choose a team for you to support if you are already out (http://www.abelmore.com/team.htm)

Hey, nice idea! :)

I should make note of four things:

1) The first team that appeared for me was Liverpool England.


I tried twice. First it was myself as Oddslavo, then it was (second time) Bedistan.

I'm supporting Busby.

I'm supporting Busby.
according to my random image generator thst is.

[code:1:242ab0e7d8]
***Liverpool England (28) 3 2 1 0 6 2 +4 7
***Ravenspire (29) 3 2 1 0 7 4 +3 7
***Haraki (22) 3 2 1 0 6 3 +3 7
***Timway (31) 3 2 1 0 5 2 +3 7
***Runaway Moose (4) 3 2 1 0 4 1 +3 7
***Oglethorpia (23) 3 2 1 0 5 3 +2 7
***Bedistan (5) 3 2 0 1 6 3 +3 6
***Oddslavo (35) 3 2 0 1 4 2 +2 6
***Giant Zucchini (21) 3 2 0 1 7 6 +1 6
***Lemmitania (20) 3 2 0 1 3 4 -1 6
***The Belmore Family (15) 3 1 2 0 6 5 +1 5
***Europa Brittania (29) 3 1 2 0 6 5 +1 5
***Halfassedstates (8) 3 1 2 0 4 3 +1 5
***Busby (14) 3 1 1 1 8 4 +4 4
***Gilmeecia (46) 3 1 1 1 4 4 0 4
***Errinundera (1) 3 1 1 1 6 7 -1 4
17 Svecia (2) 3 1 1 1 5 7 -2 4
18 Audioslavia (13) 3 1 0 2 6 6 0 3
19 Ariddia (6) 3 1 0 2 6 7 -1 3
20 Gesamtkuntswerk (38) 3 1 0 2 4 5 -1 3
21 Snub Nose 38 (10) 3 1 0 2 4 5 -1 3
22 Dennisov (18) 3 1 0 2 4 6 -2 3
23 Commerce Heights (54) 3 1 0 2 3 5 -2 3
24 Bullonien (65) 3 0 2 1 4 6 -2 2
25 Antaeus Rising (53) 3 0 2 1 4 6 -2 2
26 Spaam (3) 3 0 2 1 4 5 -1 2
27 Squornshelous (12) 3 0 2 1 5 7 -2 2
28 Kingsford (30) 3 0 2 1 2 5 -3 2
29 One Red Dot (16) 3 0 1 2 5 7 -2 1
30 The Lowland Clans (34) 3 0 1 2 2 4 -2 1
31 Demonic Beings (47) 3 0 1 2 3 7 -4 1
32 Jacktazea (50) 3 0 1 2 2 7 -5 1
[/code:1:242ab0e7d8]
How are the rankings decided when you have 3 teams on the same points, GD and GF?

Haraki 12-1
Gilmeecia 24-1

Busby 5-1
Halfassedstates 3-1

Runaway Moose 3-1
Errinundera 3-1

The Belmore Family 5-1
Liverpool England 8-1

Ravenspire 6-1
Europa Britannia 6-1

Oddslavo 10-1
Oglethorpia 5-1

Timway 6-1
Lemmitania 3-1

Giant Zucchini 8-1
Bedistan 2-1

Now that we at last have all of our original, official results in, it should be noted that Halfassedstates [8] will be taking the place of Bullonien [65] in the second round. We apologize for the inconvenience and assure you all that this will not happen again.

*phew*

TBF - I take it those odds are for the teams winning the cup outright?

if not, i'll put £6 on Haraki to win and £6 on gilmeecia to win!!!!

PS. what happened to the top seeds
Only 4 of the top 10 are still in, and Erri plays Runaway next!

This will choose a team for you to support if you are already out (http://www.abelmore.com/team.htm)

Come on Giant Zucchini!

This will choose a team for you to support if you are already out (http://www.abelmore.com/team.htm)
:shock: 4 tries - GZ, RM, EB, RM - hmmm...

How are the rankings decided when you have 3 teams on the same points, GD and GF?
Then it goes to best record in head-to-head play. For example, in Group E SN38 would be third, because Gesamtkunstwerk was the only team we did win against.

[code:1:a6832c9cb6]Group E P W D L F A GD Pts
Bedistan (5) 3 2 0 1 6 3 +3 6
Lemmitania (20) 3 2 0 1 3 4 -1 6
Gesamtkuntswerk (38) 3 1 0 2 4 5 -1 3
Snub Nose 38 (10) 3 1 0 2 4 5 -1 3[/code:1:a6832c9cb6]

If that comes up a draw, then they are ranked equally:

Team A [1]
Team B [2]
Team C [3]
Team D [3]
Team E [5]

This will choose a team for you to support if you are already out (http://www.abelmore.com/team.htm)
Had a go - after 15 tries i had something like 5 Ogly's 3 LE and 3 EB and a couple for timway finally hit bullenion and realised Halfassed wasn't even in it :cry: :cry:


IC:

Sowhatsville News (back page)

HALFASSED RE-INSTATED AFTER DRAW CONFIRMED

After an amazing run of events, it was finally confirmed early to-day that Halfassedstates have indeed qualified for the second round of WC8.
There had been confusion after the match against Bullonien, with several reporters saying that Bullonien had won 1-0 and thereby qualified for the next round.
The confusion occurred when Bullonien scored with just 5 minutes left. In what had otherwise been a dull game, Halfassed finally paid the price for playing for a draw. The goal saw wild celebrations, from both the Bullonien players and supporters, and numerous flares and fireworks went off in the stands.
The smoke from these hung over the pitch for the last few minutes, and blocked the view from most of the main stand, where the world's media was sitting.
With the last kick of the game, Nea Hope equalised for Halfassed.

In a couple of post-match interviews, the Halfassed players were somewhat disconsolate, but it turned out that this was due to the fact that The Belmore Family had topped the group ahead of Halfassed.

Halfassed now face Busby in the second round.

However, this didn't become clear to the organising committee until they received the referrees report late yesterday evening.

This will choose a team for you to support if you are already out (http://www.abelmore.com/team.htm)
Had a go - after 15 tries i had something like 5 Ogly's 3 LE and 3 EB and a couple for timway finally hit bullenion and realised Halfassed wasn't even in it :cry: :cry:
OCC:
have just read the scores thread and know what happened - (re. audio vs bull match), but the idea that no-one could see the pitch and report the final score seemed good to me!!

The Free Land of ORD supports regional neighbour Giant Zucchini in their quest to relive World Cup glory.

Alvin Ker and the team wishes to congratulate Mr Hurr and his team of Zucchinis for the honourable grudge match and for proceeding on to the second round.