NationStates Jolt Archive

A joint venture between Der Angst and Iraqstan today announces the official opening of the ALL WOODEN! STEALTHED WEAPONS STOREFRONT!

Using state of the art Gum Tree wood the finest weapons the world has ever seen will be for sale! Some products include the yellow submarine! and the OMG-HAK Stealth Fighter!

An official product listing INCLUDING PICTURES OMG! will be released soon in the following threads look to this place quickly!

The First of many many products!

The completely Stealthed and Awesomly powerful WOODEN SUBMARINE!

Specs for the yellow submarine

Length: 109m
Beam: 10m
Displacement: It's wooden
Speed Official: 20+ knots (23+ miles per hour, 36.8 +kph)
Actual: 32 knots maximum submerged speed
Operating Depth: greater than 10 feet
Hull: Gum tree wood
Crew: 1 really big gerbil and 30 officers
Armament: Acorn torpedos, verticle launching bananas and the infamous 100mt citrus bomb.
Cost: 100 dollars.

And announcing for the rarest of times....the OMG-HAK Stealth Fighter!

http://www.angelfire.lycos.com/la3/lanay/hellfire4.jpg

Specs:

Primary Function: HAXOR Stealth Fighter
Builder: OMG-HAKXOR!
Aircraft Frame: Gum Tree Wood
Power Plant: 3 Uber Gerbils of d00m on running wheels
Thrust: 20 pounds
Length: 49 feet, 5 inches (14.8 meters)
Height: 16 feet (4.8 meters)
Wingspan: 32 feet, 8 inches (9.8 meters)
Speed: 100km a month
Ceiling: Shockingly above 1 foot
Maximum Takeoff Weight: half a kilogram
Range: more than 3 feet before crashing
Armament: 3 Anti-Air Acorn launchers and 1 Fruit bomb, attemtps to add more armaments will result in Gerbils being killed and plane crashing before designated range is reached.
Unit cost: $200
No Gerbils in above craft are there against their will, all gerbils willingly submit to this honourable job and thus die as martyrs for the gerbils of d00m club.

Soon to come: Wooden AK-47s, Wooden M1A2 MBTs, Wooden APCs, Wooden Stealth Bombers, Wooden Advanced Space warships, Wooden Aircraft Carriers, Wooden Battleships and wooden destroyers!

Buy our awesome products whilst you still can!!!!!!

Thank God! We had run out of trees, and were wondering how the hell we were going to keep on making weapons! But now there is an answer!

Fortunately the gerbil shortage isn't critical yet; we can probably stave that off for a few years. But damn why must they eat so much?

10 Wooden Planes to sit on the ground and scare people into not attacking.

They must look real though, and not burn for too long.

NEW RELEASE

The Latest in Inter-continental Warfare...THE WOODEN ICBM!

Codenamed WoodChuck!

http://www.angelfire.lycos.com/la3/lanay/diablo.jpg

Type of Warhead: Single
Warheads: 1
Yield (Mt): 0.550
Payload (kg): 1,000 ? 1,200
Total length (m): 20.5 - 21.5
Total length w/o warhead (m): 18.5
Missile Diameter (m): 1.80
Launch Weight (t): 45.1
Range (km): 10,500
CEP (m): 150-250
Number of Stages: 3
Canister length (m): 22.3
Canister length w/o front Meters (m): 20.0
Canister diameter (m): 2.0
Booster guidance system: Inertial, autonomous
Length (m)
1st stage: 8.1
2nd stage: 4.6
3rd stage: 3.9
4th. Stage Bus: 2.1
Body diameter (m)
1st stage: 1.86
2nd stage: 1.55
3rd stage: 1.34
4th. Stage Bus: 0.8
Fueled weight (t)
1st stage: 27.8
Propellants:
1st stage: Solid Propellant
2nd stage: Solid Propellant
3rd stage: Propellant
Cost: $1000
Launch Platform: Mobile
Armour: Gum Tree Wood

Oh yeah, Its stealthy

10 of 'em ICBM things aswell.

Order confirmed my good man!

The wooden products will be arriving in a few minutes!

~some Random guy

Do you also have something that is NOT made of wood?

Do you also have something that is NOT made of wood?

I'm sure we could sell you a plastic tank, or a cardboard space ship......

Do you also have something that is NOT made of wood?

Now why would you want that? Wood is clearly a superior product.

Actually, plastic can be used as armor, and if the right bond is used, is stronger than steel.

My tanks all use plastic Composites, as does my Assault Rifle

Do you also have something that is NOT made of wood?

Now why would you want that? Wood is clearly a superior product.

Because if you use wood you can just light the damn thing!

And you gotta look out for splinters.

We always use steel which is way better.

Do you also have something that is NOT made of wood?

Now why would you want that? Wood is clearly a superior product.

Because if you use wood you can just light the damn thing!

And you gotta look out for splinters.

We always use steel which is way better.

Ahem TMGH is most correct the wood used by DAIWD is the best quality wood in the world, not only will it burn up on re-entry but it is STEALTHY! you will NEVER EVER get a better wooden product.

the stealth features in DAIWD products is a highly trained koala secret that utalises gum nuts and A-Space to combine the ultimate in anti-radar technology and visual cloaking.

The weapons of the Yellow submarine and OMG-HAK stealth fighter are state of the art hypersonic gumnuts and stealthed Fruitbombs.

Also the ICBM carries a 550kt fruitbomb warhead which can shatter the foundations of ANY GOVERNMENT!.

Buy now and recieve 3 Gumnut launchers ABSOLUTELY FREE!

Do you also have something that is NOT made of wood?

Now why would you want that? Wood is clearly a superior product.

Because if you use wood you can just light the damn thing!

And you gotta look out for splinters.

We always use steel which is way better.

Heresy! Wood is cheaper and has a very similar spelling to "w00t", which proves that Wood, or w00d, is by far the best material!

I am impressed!

I want 10 of those stealthy, wooden ICBMs!

You should raise your prices, surely a wooden ICBM is worth more than 1000$, huh? :P

I am impressed!

I want 10 of those stealthy, wooden ICBMs!

You should raise your prices, surely a wooden ICBM is worth more than 1000$, huh? :P

your order is confirmed and we pride our selves on prices so rediculous that nobody can believe them!

your ICBMs should arrive within the minute.!

~random shop guy that knows nothing of his products

NEW in Store!

The infamous Laser- guided stick!

Absolutely deadly, 100% accurate, with ECCCCCMs as standart!

The nwewest generation of Bunkerbusters!

And:

STEALTHY

It`s gracious shape, together with the fact that it`s so easy to use, you don`t even need a manual, makes it one of the main weapons of the armies in the new millenium!

Warfare without this newest of our products: Impossible!

http://www.historisches-centrum.de/ns-zeit/hagen/pix/innens441210.jpg
The results of massive stick bombardement

And this newest and deadliest of all wooden weapons for only 999999999 US$!!!

BUY NOW!

~~~ Laser guided pointy sticks - weapons of the future~~~

NEW RELEASE

The new and state of the art STEALTHY Wooden Spacedy Ship!

Featuring the latest in gerbil of d00m reactors and state of the art vacuum rated gumnut launchers the High Gum Tree class space destroyer will be a premier force for all space nations!

Specs:
http://www.angelfire.lycos.com/la3/lanay/oberth-r.gif
class Space Destroyer.
Type: Escort/Destroyer.
Manufacturer: Sharlath Advanced Capital Ships.
Crew: 460 (22 Officers, 438 Crew).
Maximum Range: Unlimited (estimated 15 year life span with regular maintenance).
Armour: Gum Tree
Length: 710 ft (215 m).
Width: 320 ft (97 m).
Height: 191 ft (58 m).
Weight: 72,000 tons (standard).
Main Engine: 20 Uber Gerbils of d00m
Auxiliary Engine: 1 Super Uber Gerbil of d00m
Weapons: 18 Heavy Gum nut Launchers (Carrying 9 anti-ship gumnuts each), 4 Heavy Gum leaf cannons
Defense: 1 koala with bad breath
Acceleration: 0.2g
Cost: $11,500,000,000

oh yes dont forget it's STEALTHY

Bring
Up
My
Post

BADABUMP

I'll get 1000 woodchucks

I'll get 1000 woodchucks

Certainly the wood is being carved now! please remember all stealth products are unable to be reversed engineered since you do not have the secret koala secret mystery series that dominates gumnuts!.

~some random n00b gun shop salesman that knows shit all about his products much like DT!

Thank you, money wired.

~ Random Omzian Citizen

ME ME OO LOOK AT ME ME ME!

*Rolls around on floor laughing*

I'll take some 'dem woodchuckz. Hey, how easily do they catch fire? :twisted:

*Rolls around on floor laughing*

I'll take some 'dem woodchuckz. Hey, how easily do they catch fire? :twisted:

The moment the engines fire the woodchuck is burning through the atmosphere! quite literaly but remember, it's not just a normal ICBM it's a WOODEN STEALTH ICBM! you cant get any better than this.

~Some random store guy much like DT that spits out useless babble but thinks he's cool

You cannot beat the power of a wooden stealth fighter.

Buy one Buy more!

I want a wooden tank!

Bell McPherson
Naturalist Club

We'll get to work on it, a M1A2 with a 120mm gumnut cannon!

All wood and by the way it's stealthy!

~DT impersonator cuz DT is such a funny n00b!

1000 Woodchucks please. 1,000,000 wired. :lol:

Order confirmed and shipped out!

OOC: Exepct burn up on re-entry in 5...4..3..2..1.. :lol:

*_*_*_***---NEW TANK---***_*_*_*

The Wood Graze MBT

Crew: Four
Weight, combat loaded: It's wooden....
Overall length gun forward: 9.40 metres
Overall width without skirts: 3. 63 metres
height: 3. 05 metres
Armour: Gum Tree wood
Main armament: 120 mm smooth bore gumnut cannon
Ammunition stowage: 42 gumnuts
Coaxial machine gun: 7.62 mm/5.56 mm gum leaf machine guns
Externally mounted machine guns: 2 x7.62 mm / 5.56 mm gum leaf machine guns
Mortar: 60 mm gum nut mortars
Gunner's sight: periscopic day and night, stabilized in 2 axes
Commander's sight: day sight plus optical relay to gunner's sight
Laser rangefinder: ND:YAG eye-safe
Engine: 2 Uber Gerbils of d00m
Maximum road speed: maybe 3km/week if you push it
Range on hard level ground: 30-50 meters before you exhaust yourself pushing it
Price: $999,999,999 USD!!!

oh by the way it's stealthy.

~Bought to you by Dark Terror imitators whom make everything stealthy just by saying so!

Bah. Only "stealthy"?

Dammit, man! We demand STEALTHY!

Here are the stats for our 'Sacred Tree' Cruise Missile!

840938409328 feet long
Made of bundles of sticks!
Speed: 43433422 Mach
Guidence systems: Omnipotence and then some
Range: 49830483-24 Light years
Stages: 39094832098490238498213498214082
Flies 900 million miles into the atmosphere and burns up causing the Ozone layer to implode and give millions a BAD sunburn. So bad that the Earth Implodes, along with the universe. But you still live with our other wooden product

The 'Anti-Sacred Tree Thingy' Made of the best sawdust spray it over your country to protect it from the effects of the 'Sacred Tree' missile. Although you'll suffocate to death, just a side effect.

Brought to you by: Stolen Weapons of Dark Terror, Inc.

Don't forget: STEALTH!!!

[OOC-Uhm...I'm a month into this,and wondering...why do you have to warn people if there are pictures in a thread?]

IC- Emperor Tezen Nightshade blinked,and looked over this catalog. "Wow,some people's ingenuity surprises even me..."

[OOC-Uhm...I'm a month into this,and wondering...why do you have to warn people if there are pictures in a thread?]

IC- Emperor Tezen Nightshade blinked,and looked over this catalog. "Wow,some people's ingenuity surprises even me..."

OOC: Pictures wreack Havoc on Fax Modems. And It's a joke about Dark Terror. Don't worry, In a couple of months you'll get it.

[OOC-Uhm...I'm a month into this,and wondering...why do you have to warn people if there are pictures in a thread?]

IC- Emperor Tezen Nightshade blinked,and looked over this catalog. "Wow,some people's ingenuity surprises even me..."

OOC: Pictures wreack Havoc on Fax Modems. And It's a joke about Dark Terror. Don't worry, In a couple of months you'll get it.

[OOC- Thanks. :) Only problem is,I dunno what Dark Terror is. Game,movie,or a book?]

D: none of the above. Bad player.

New Feature!

The Sharp Pointy Stick of d00m!

Specs:

Length: 45cm
Width: 5cm
Weight: 500g
Armament: 1 sharp point for gouging eyes and colon out.
Cost: $2,000,000,000,000 USD!

oh yeah it's also STEALTHY!

i need one WoodChuck.

confirmed and shipped out remember all wooden craft are non-refundable if they burn up it isnt our fault.

~Some random shop keeper

~~~DAIWD presents~~~

The 'Woodmark' battleship!

The newest of our products, the deadliest weapon ever seen on the ocean!

http://www.g2mil.com/battleship.jpg
The Woodmark, firing at a doomed enemy

Built with the finest Gum Trees existing (We eradicated an entire species of Gum Trees for this ship), the Woodmark is definitely the strongest ship in the world.

Twenty- four 18- inch guns as main artillery, literally thousands of flak- guns to shoot down thousands of attacking planes at once, firing deadly 'Dark Terror'- class water balloons into the stratosphere!

This ship is truely invincible.

Buy it NOW, for only 999999999999999999999999999999US$!

May your enemies jitter in terror, may death meet anyone who opposes you!

Gun boat- diplomacy a la Russian Forces, not a problem anymore!

BUY NOW (http://www.amazon.com)

Ah, and i forgot, the whole ship is absolutely STEALTHY

Introducing, the 'French' class Paper Bomber!

Utilizing college ruled notebook paper from over 3,000 Wal-Marts it is one of the most stealthy and deadly bombers ever built. Able to carry 1 cherry bomb and a crew of a muskrat you won't have to worry about those pesky neighborhood vandals anymore.

Cost: 455,483,323,534.2834954872849354809430 ERROR!! Our calculator blew up, so it'll cost you your soul.

Also able to carry 4 bottle rocket pods, carrying 25 bottle rockets each. Other variants will come later.

~Stolen Dark Terror Products, Inc.

New Feature!

The Sharp Pointy Stick of d00m!

Specs:

Length: 45cm
Width: 5cm
Weight: 500g
Armament: 1 sharp point for gouging eyes and colon out.
Cost: $2,000,000,000,000 USD!

oh yeah it's also STEALTHY!

Our military budget is 1.4Trillion, so we'll take .7 Sharp Pointy Sticks of d00m!

- Some guy with no authority to approve this transaction

New Feature!

The Sharp Pointy Stick of d00m!

Specs:

Length: 45cm
Width: 5cm
Weight: 500g
Armament: 1 sharp point for gouging eyes and colon out.
Cost: $2,000,000,000,000 USD!

oh yeah it's also STEALTHY!

Our military budget is 1.4Trillion, so we'll take .7 Sharp Pointy Sticks of d00m!

- Some guy with no authority to approve this transaction

Transaction approved.

-The guy who killed DA and IQ's salesmen

I want a Laser-Guided Stick for my Watermelon Armies!

- McWolands Employee

I want a Laser-Guided Stick for my Watermelon Armies!

- McWolands Employee

Approved, and it will teleport to your nation immediatly thanks to our stolen Angelan teleport_out_of_any_danger_technology!

PS: DON`T BUY FROM ADK, HE`S AN IMPOSTER!

Buy only verified DAIWD products, with the DAIWD- certificate!

D: none of the above. Bad player.

[OOC- That made me sad... :lol: A nation in this game,I'm guessing again.]

IC- What about camoflauge uniforms may out of wood?

D: none of the above. Bad player.

[OOC- That made me sad... :lol: A nation in this game,I'm guessing again.]

IC- What about camoflauge uniforms may out of wood?

Out of stock, Gum trees are rare these days, but we will inform you as soon as we find new ones.

Meanwhile, we could offer you our stealthy aerial camouflage.

It is invisible, and made out of oxygen and nitrogen!

(Delivery in large gas tanks)

~ DAIWD management

ROFL!

Thanks Iraqstan, Angst, I needed this.

Very good post. :)

New Product!

Made out of the finest Gumtree wood to date and utalising a secret Koala discipline for visual and radar stealth DAIWD is proud to announce the latest in combat soldier protection!

THE! CVR-2 body armor designed by DAIWD is the first and only flexible combat armor available. Providing increased resistance to bullet based firearms and limited resistance to laser based weapons the CVR-2 both armour is designed to allow the fighter to survive a few hits before going down.

http://www.slv.vic.gov.au/slv/exhibitions/treasures/nedkelly/images/armourlg.jpg

Full articulation
Fire Resistance up to 250 degree Centigrade
Light Radiation Sheilding
Light Sensitive Visor
Independent Oxygen Supply (4 hours)
Short range radio (6 miles)
Hot/cold thermal regulation
Doubles as a flight suite
Chemical and Biological Resistant
cost: $7,000

Oh yeah Like Dark Terror I forgot to mention it is STEALTHY!

~~~ DAIWD presents ~~~
The (wooden) Flamethrower MK IV

Made out of genetically enhanced gum tree, the (wooden) Flamethrower MK IV is one of the deadliest weapons ever.

It works with the SB- system: See `em, burn `em.

Eradicate complete armies with a dozen men, wipe out entire civilizations, all is possible with the (wooden) Flamethrower MK IV!

http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/flamethrower-vietnam.jpg
The Flamethrower MK4 in action. DIE, BASTARD!

http://www.skalman.nu/third-reich/bilder/gallery-flamethrower.jpg
Another useless pic to frustrate modem users, brough to you by an RF imposter

The (wooden) Flamethrower MK IV, now available for only 500 walnuts!

And what does our military specialist say about it?

"THAT`S A BLATANT GODMOD!" ~ AMF
(Name changed due to security reasons)

The (wooden) Flamethrower MK IV!

BUY NOW! (http://www.amazon.com)

~~~ DAIWD - Weapons for the future

~ from the past ~

DAIWDs customers service, legendary for it`s brilliant BUMPs

Bah. What a crap flamethrower. It isn't even stealthy!

Bah. What a crap flamethrower. It isn't even stealthy!

Oh, damn... yes, we forgot to mention it`s also STEALTHY!!!111

Our apologies for the missinformation, we hope this correction prevents further confusion.

want 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999.01
of all products *wires countys soul*

Line breaking post edited by NS Mod.

Edit that post, so that scrolling isn`t neccessary...

*wishes he was a forummod, just for one minute*

Edit: Yay, faster than i though o.O

BWAHAHAHA

After many many months of testing DAIWD is proud to announce it's first ever future tech weapon.!

Introducing the wooden plasma rifle!

Utalising the new gumnut wood formulae and a hidden koala bs scheme the DAIWD plasma rifle will serve the best with a fire of great proportions!

Specifications.

http://www.angelfire.lycos.com/la3/lanay/plasmarifle.JPG

Going for the low low price of 300,000,000 Gumnuts the DAIWD plasma rifle is a must buy bargain!!!!!

Oh yeas dont forget it's STEALTHY

~n00bish Dark Terror type salesman.

Mmmm... wooden plasma rifles...

OOC: :shock:

Is this the same Iraqstan that told me to basically "Fuck Off" for criticizing Treznor's 1-day-old claim of completely undetectable and invisible tanks?

:?

On a side note:
I prefer the Cardboard ICBMs that so many n00bs throw about...they're cheaper and you can fold them up when you're done playing!

Got any wooden prostitutes?

-*-*-*__**BUMP!!!!!

And for the record. I'm ignoring your question on the stealth stuff since you've forgotten it's basic explanation and I've no desire to reinform the ignorant and you've also missed the main point behind this entire thread and thus again I dont feel like explaining to the ignorant. Good day WA.

No no wooden prostitutes yet. But we ARE working on a new wooden tank and a wooden helicopter. both are STEALTHY!

New in stock:

TEH WOODEN GRAVSHIP OF D00MZ!!!11ONE

http://www.angelfire.com/la3/lanay/gravship2.jpg
OMG NOES, IT FLIES!

Lenght: 100km
Width: 200km
Height: Impossible to measure

Propulsion system: OMG GRAVTECH!!1

Armament: Fifty 1000cm I PWN Y0! MK IV Plasma guns, work underwater, thanks to the brand- new Resium- applications*.

Fivehundred 100000cm kinetic missile launcher (Railguns). Firing rate: twohundred missiles/ second. Have dinosaur- asteorid effects

FIVETHOUSAND Über- Ultra Turbolasers, each of them is able to destroy an entire star system with a single shot.

Armour: 400cm Wooden Gravity- bond planks, based on viking designs of the tenth century. Practically indestructable.

Crew: UACV- capabilities, however, the amount of people to board the ship is unlimited. Perfect to move your entire nation to another planet.

Speed: Can immediately teleport to any given point in the universe.

Other stuff: Various shiny thingys that sound nice.

http://astrobiology.arc.nasa.gov/workshops/1997/zodiac/images/planet-small_01.jpg
A planet, soon to be destroyed by the Gravship

And this wonderful new and shiny weapon costs you only

One Point Oh Oh Trillion in an arbitrary currency!

~~~ DAIWD Storefront: Where your NIGHTMARES come true ~~~

Oh, and before we forget it, this product, as well as all other DAIWD products, is STEALTHY!!!11ONE

---

* Resium: A strange mineral from another star system that allows you to ignore things like reality, casuality, and logic. Scientists speculate that Resium is in fact a element from another universe that somehow switched dimensions.

BUMP!

Soon to come. KL-55 LOLZ STEALTH helicopters!

and T-90 LOLZ Stealth MBTs!!11!11!1.

~Someone from DT or Geforce4.

frumpy bumpy!