NationStates Jolt Archive

In light of the recent claims that gods are "going to war," three REAL gods have decided to step into the cage for a free-for-all!

In the red corner, we have...

http://www.pantheon.org/areas/gallery/mythology/africa/egyptian/osiris.jpg
OSIRIS!

Hailing from the hot sands of Egypt, the god of the underworld and vegitation has the souls of countless pyramid-building slaves to his claim. His proficiency with wielding two canes is known throughout the cosmos, as is the ease with which he dispatches those poor saps whose hearts weigh more than ostrich feathers. A solid pick!

ODDS: 4:1


In the blue corner, we have...

http://www.vinlandtraders.com/images/odin.jpg
ODIN!

From the mighty fjords of the Norselands comes Odin, god of war. From his great horse Sleipnir, Odin is known to smite foes with his mighty spear Grungir. His beard is far more full and fluffy than the other participants', and as such, he is heavily favored by burly Norse raiders and the Amish alike!

ODDS: 6:1


In the yellow corner, we have...


http://academic.brooklyn.cuny.edu/history/virtual/portrait/jesus-sacredht.jpg
JESUS CHRIST!

Coming to our fair arena from all the way in Nazareth, Jesus Christ is the self-proclaimed King of the Jews and son of the One True God Yahweh. Jesus boasts the ability to raise the dead, heal the blind, and walk on water; however, his offensive skills seem to be next to none. As such, we are placing Jesus at the wheel of...

http://www.uranioimpoverito.it/immagini/m1a1.jpg

...an M1A1 Abrams tank, codenamed Steel Penis! It is widely suspected that no god is mighty enough to smite Jesus in a tank; however, we shall soon see!

ODDS: 2:1


Please place your bets here... as GODS GO TO WAR!

http://invisionfree.com:54/40/9/upload/p1229.jpg
Wololo
Minister of Interdeity Grudge Matches
The Tourist Trapdom of The SLAGLands

Being Catholic,I would have to say that Jesus could beat those non exsistent "gods" especially in a tank.

My bet is $5,000

1.000.000 bucks on odin :)

I'm betting on Osiris.... One million dollars

well i like rooting for the underdog so i am going with Jesus $2.000.000

also he can just ressurect himself as much as he needs to. :)

$10,000 on odin.

Hey though do you really think thats an appropriate tank name,you know seeing as how you're a mod? :wink:

well i like rooting for the underdog so i am going with Jesus

also he can just ressurect himself as much as he needs to. :)
Dude... it's Jesus Christ. In a tank.

Up against some guy with a wimpy soul-eating dog and another guy with an eight-legged horse.

Are you -sure- he's the underdog?

Hearty Aerospace Pirate Cap'n Scolo

<me stops laughing just long enough to type>

Congratulations, my new favourite phrase of all time is now: "Jesus... IN A FREAKING TANK!"

Given the evidence of the Lord's ability to make offensive weapons - gotta go with the Lord. $5000.

My proof?


And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.'

And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--

Skip a bit, Brother.

And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

Jesus Fuckin' Christ..

I bet on...


...myself. I could take on any of these chumps any day.

Melkor, Lord of Darkness
He who Arises in Might
Emperor Eternal of the Imperial Dominion of Melkor Unchained, Lord and Master of Arda
http://www.thangorodrim.net/graphics/morgoth.jpg

well i like rooting for the underdog so i am going with Jesus

also he can just ressurect himself as much as he needs to. :)
Dude... it's Jesus Christ. In a tank.

Up against some guy with a wimpy soul-eating dog and another guy with an eight-legged horse.

Are you -sure- he's the underdog?

Hearty Aerospace Pirate Cap'n Scolo

Sh!t ur right (runs ot of theard in embarssment) :oops: :oops: :oops: :shock:

No J.C. in a tank,he has divine powers,whatever he wants goes

Grudgematch.com (http://www.grudge-match.com)

I bet on...


...myself. I could take on any of these chumps any day.

Melkor, Lord of Darkness
He who Arises in Might
Emperor Eternal of the Imperial Dominion of Melkor Unchained, Lord and Master of Arda
http://www.thangorodrim.net/graphics/morgoth.jpg

Yea I think I'll change bet fro Odin to to big guy with the hammer.

Hey though do you really think thats an appropriate tank name,you know seeing as how you're a mod? :wink:

It's a reference to the classic thread, "MY STEEL PENISES WILL PROTECT ME!"

Quickly! Someone drag the depths for it!

ooc: Ok, in an all-out brawl, I would have to say that Odin would win. Him being the all-father god of what was probably the most bloodthirsty and combat-efficient people in the history of humanity.

However, since I have egyptian ancestry, and I am a follower of the Egyptian Pantheon, I must vote for Osiris.

Jesus, on the other hand, was a wimpy-ass preacherman that never did anything 'cept yabber on abour peace and love. SUCH a hippy.

But he does have a Steel Penis however, so....

has the souls of countless pyramid-building slaves to his claim.

One problem there, evidence has shown that slaves didn't build the pyramids, they were well paid, and buried close by in opulent tombs better than any other except for the Pharoah. (Although, the word Pharoah isn't correct either, it was a Greek word, not an Egyptian word--oh well.)

lol i bet an ahteist comes alogn and they mysteriously disintegrate.

A spear cant penetrate a tank anyways

I'll bet 5,000,000 8' feet tall Buddy-Chist® statues on Jesus!!! :mrgreen:

(You know, from the movie Dogma...with George Carlin...)

A spear cant penetrate a tank anyways

The Lance of Longinus could...it can pierce anything, even the soul, because it has Christ's blood on it.


-Kits
Ye Olde Evangelion Fanboy, cosplaying as Gendo Ikari

um..OK

Jesus Christ can not possibly lose,as whatever he wants to happen happens,he chose too die for us sinful humans.

Jesus in the freakin tank. Hands down, and I bet my country, AND 1000000000000 dollars on him.

Yeah, but the Lance is locked away in some KCTS vault. Don't believe men? Look at who's the president of KCTS.

Yeah, but the Lance is locked away in some KCTS vault. Don't believe men? Look at who's the president of KCTS.


...KCTS?

ermmmm....given that osiris has infinite legions of ghosts at his command,they could fly throguh the tank's hull and scare jesus into crashing it into a wall,thereby wrecking the wall.Ok youre right,he can't loose with a frickin' tank.

Jesus in the freakin tank. Hands down, and I bet my country, AND 1000000000000 dollars on him.

Yeah I up my bet to match his.

*shudders at all of the fanatical christians*

Ok, I think I will stop reading this now.

*shudders at all of the fanatical christians*

Ok, I think I will stop reading this now.

Oh, you'll start again once I read up on mythology and get this match going... :twisted:

Oh, you'll start again once I read up on mythology and get this match going... :twisted:

No, just when I see your name on the thread, and just know that you are responding to me...

If you need any help with the mythology, let me know. My history degree has gotta be worth something...

Yeah, but the Lance is locked away in some KCTS vault. Don't believe men? Look at who's the president of KCTS.


...KCTS?

KarmaCorp TechSystems. A major Karmabaijani corporation, led by this guy:


http://okcac.freeyellow.com/ikari.jpg
CEO Zin Karma
KarmaCorp TechSystems
Karmabaijan
Titan

Jesus...

in a freaking tank.

5,000 bucks says so.

KarmaCorp TechSystems. A major Karmabaijani corporation, led by this guy:


http://okcac.freeyellow.com/ikari.jpg
CEO Zin Karma
KarmaCorp TechSystems
Karmabaijan
Titan

Crud.

To make Tokyo-IV's backstory plausible, I may have to ignore that. ^^;;;

Dude... it's Jesus Christ. In a tank.


Wow, that is one of the funniest things ive ever heard. Im saving that for later use.

P.S. 1,000 on jesus, cuz he gots the Steel penis

KarmaCorp TechSystems. A major Karmabaijani corporation, led by this guy:


http://okcac.freeyellow.com/ikari.jpg
CEO Zin Karma
KarmaCorp TechSystems
Karmabaijan
Titan

Crud.

To make Tokyo-IV's backstory plausible, I may have to ignore that. ^^;;;

No worries, he just happens to look like Gendo.
What is the backstory, anyways? You wanted to use Evas, right Kits?

We bet $1 trillion on:

http://www.humanism.org.uk/graphics/largelogotext.gif

GO HUMANISM!

No worries, he just happens to look like Gendo.
What is the backstory, anyways? You wanted to use Evas, right Kits?

Yeah....Tokyo-IV is Gendo and the remnants of NERV 10 years after a number of things went wrong with Gendo's plans for the 3rd Impact, including Shinji not being a complete weenie and actually contributing something for once. Gendo's managed to salvage three of the Mass Production Evangelions (one is essentially just the core, barely enough to generate an AT Field, and the other two are seriously damaged and not nearly as cool as they used to be), and he still has Eva Shougoki locked up in Terminal Dogma. He's also working on a new Production Model Evangelion as part of his plans for a possible 4th Impact.

So yeah. Whee. XD

"It's Jesus! In a tank!"

"Oh sit down afo I spank yo Anglican ass, love." Beat. "An stop grinnin. One guy be known fo dyin, one be known fo judgin the dead, one be known fo killin. Who yo bettin on?"

"It's still Jesus. Get outta the freakin temple, rip the gates of hell Jesus. And that steel penis will protect him. That's what it does. That's all it does!"

"Odin."

"Jesus."

Odin."

"Jesus."

"Our vote... whatever is #3."

well, since Zeus, king of the gods, and master of all, love machine of the heavens, father of the endless libido, and strength to maych, invincible, and immortal, toatl badass, and could uttler make the other 3 candidates his bitches, is not there, I'll go with Odin

No worries, he just happens to look like Gendo.
What is the backstory, anyways? You wanted to use Evas, right Kits?

Yeah....Tokyo-IV is Gendo and the remnants of NERV 10 years after a number of things went wrong with Gendo's plans for the 3rd Impact, including Shinji not being a complete weenie and actually contributing something for once. Gendo's managed to salvage three of the Mass Production Evangelions (one is essentially just the core, barely enough to generate an AT Field, and the other two are seriously damaged and not nearly as cool as they used to be), and he still has Eva Shougoki locked up in Terminal Dogma. He's also working on a new Production Model Evangelion as part of his plans for a possible 4th Impact.

So yeah. Whee. XD

Sounds interesting. Can't wait to see you actually start RPing it.

C'mon people, it's Jesus in a tank...who could ever beat that combination?

Betting... Resi's entire economy on Jesus.... in a tank!.

Considering the fact that:

1: I'm a Christian, from the ole South.
2: Jesus was from what is now Israiel, who has kicked major ass
3: All he has to say is "I smite thee." and a lightning bolt fries his opponent.

I'm going with our lord and savior Jesus Christ, without the tank.

1: I'm a Christian
who has kicked major ass
The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.

Fine! If you're gonna talk like that, Jesus doesn't want your bet!

Odin, definately Odin. No-one can beat the all-father. It's just that simple. "Who's your daddy, who's your daddy!" Odin to Jesus as he smites him.

o come on you left out shiva :cry:

I'll bet a shiny dollar on Odin. Not even Jesus' steel penis will protect him from Odin's spear.

o come on you left out shiva :cry:

Future god wars will come soon... perhaps Shiva will battle Allah and Ra in the next round, just because it flows so well... "ALLAH! SHIVA! RA! RA! RA!"

I bet on...


...myself. I could take on any of these chumps any day.

Sorry to burst your yittle bubble, there, but aren't you the same Morgoth that got his ass handed to him by a mere mortal? The same Morgoth that had to be saved from destruction at the hands of an Elf-Lord at the very gates of Angband? The same Morgoth that ran for his freaking life from a minor spider-god named Ungoliant?

Your record against your fellow Elf-Gods is even worse. You get beaten like a red-headed stepchild every single time they can be bothered to take you on.

"ALLAH! SHIVA! RA! RA! RA!"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That is all.

OOC: I really see some wrong things with this thread......

IC: Jesus in a tank.

Er...Guys, Jesus isn't a God. He's God's son, but he's not one himself.

Nonetheless, I'll go with #3, because he has a wicked ass tank.

Ooh, such a tough choice.

Um... I bet my share of the glassified crater that is MagicChina on Odin!

(Killer spears, steel penises... good grief!)

ooc: I agree with Ruhr on this one... kind of... well I don't want to censured so I'm going to keep quiet.

IC: None! It is clear the Einstein would crush the whole lot!

well i like rooting for the underdog so i am going with Jesus $2.000.000

also he can just ressurect himself as much as he needs to. :)

um Jesus isnt the underdog.

if you bet 1 u get 2 for everyone else if you bet 1 you get 6 meaning probablity of succes is lower.

Screw spears. Jesus would nuke Odin's ass. Look what happened to Sodom, and that-other-city-who's-name-I-cannot-spell.

Bah! Odin's got the guts and determination to win the big one. Whereas Jesus has a history of being a pacifist and not using his full smiting powers to their full extent. Osiris now has an iffy track record, given that even Set has sucessfully ripped him to shreds before.

So, my money's on the Big Man, WooahDIIIN!

Einstein, Schwartzchild and Subrahaim Chandrasekhar: The real Trinity.

Bah! Odin's got the guts and determination to win the big one. Whereas Jesus has a history of being a pacifist and not using his full smiting powers to their full extent. Osiris now has an iffy track record, given that even Set has sucessfully ripped him to shreds before.

So, my money's on the Big Man, WooahDIIIN!

Yeah, but we haven't gotten to Armageddon yet. Jesus ending the world... yeah...

1.000.000 bucks on odin :)


You lose... Jesus could whip both these losers without the tank.....
Just send the 1,000,000 to us.

Oh & Thanks, Thats the easiest money I
ever made. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I'm betting on Osiris.... One million dollars


You can send me your money too! Thats two million in less then a
five minutes. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

$10,000 on odin.




Only 10,000 where's the rest of my money! :roll:

I bet on...


...myself. I could take on any of these chumps any day.

Melkor, Lord of Darkness
He who Arises in Might
Emperor Eternal of the Imperial Dominion of Melkor Unchained, Lord and Master of Arda
http://www.thangorodrim.net/graphics/morgoth.jpg

Your dreaming big aren't you melkie..... " GODMODING " Hey Mr.
Mod./ Admin. why is a freakin gun made by a young country a godmod
but this joker isn't?

ooc: Ok, in an all-out brawl, I would have to say that Odin would win. Him being the all-father god of what was probably the most bloodthirsty and combat-efficient people in the history of humanity.

However, since I have egyptian ancestry, and I am a follower of the Egyptian Pantheon, I must vote for Osiris.

Jesus, on the other hand, was a wimpy-ass preacherman that never did anything 'cept yabber on abour peace and love. SUCH a hippy.

But he does have a Steel Penis however, so....

Jesus could whip both these "whimps" with one hand behind his back &
without the tank!

Hey, Schwartzchild came upon his famous equations while fighting in WWI! Top that Jesu, Odin, and Osiris!

Hey, Schwartzchild came upon his famous equations while fighting in WWI! Top that Jesu, Odin, and Osiris!

Without Jesus thee wouldn't have been a Schwartzchild... MWAHAHAHA!!

Without Chandrasekhar we wouldn't know the mass a star has to have in order to collapse and form a black hole! Even then he was only a student and his professors attacked his theories! But they were proven wrong!

There can be only "ONE"....JESUS! JESUS! JESUS! JESUS! JESUS! JESUS!
:!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!:
INFINITY :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Hey, Schwartzchild came upon his famous equations while fighting in WWI! Top that Jesu, Odin, and Osiris!

Oh & all Jesus did was give his LIFE so you would have a choice, would
you do the same for him? NO, I didn't think so!

Why don't you people just shut-up about things you know NOTHING about!
Your embarassing yourselves & are to stupid to even know it!

Take it easy guy, this is all in good fun.

Take it easy guy, this is all in good fun.

Yeah, what one of Melkor's bitches said :P

Sorry Akilliam, had to be evil... hehehe

Without Chandrasekhar we wouldn't know the mass a star has to have in order to collapse and form a black hole! Even then he was only a student and his professors attacked his theories! But they were proven wrong!

In the Beginning...... Jesus made everything & everybody, that includes
Chandrasekhar and anyone else you'd like to name.

So tell me again how all three of these losers are going to defeat
the Lord of Heaven & Earth!

The Lord of Hosts vs The Three Stooges

NO contest :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Well, She isn't in the poll, but I think Shimeki-sama (creator of the multiverse, at least in my personal faith) would whoop everybody else. They're like... district management or something! :lol:

Take it easy guy, this is all in good fun.

Yeah, what one of Melkor's bitches said :P

Sorry Akilliam, had to be evil... hehehe

You listen up! No, just kidding. You can say anything you want to me provided it's all in good fun.

And yes, according to Creation, God created the Heavens and the Earth. However, the majority of the world doesn't believe Creation as told in the Bible.

Take it easy guy, this is all in good fun.

Yeah, what one of Melkor's bitches said :P

Sorry Akilliam, had to be evil... hehehe

You listen up! No, just kidding. You can say anything you want to me provided it's all in good fun.

And yes, according to Creation, God created the Heavens and the Earth. However, the majority of the world doesn't believe Creation as told in the Bible.

From my point of veiw, the more the world keeps from believing God, the closer we get to THE END. If more people would wake up and not be so caliced... oh well doesn't matter. I just remembered something :P

Take it easy guy, this is all in good fun.


DON'T MAKE THE LORD JESUS OUT TO BE A JOKE!


I'M NOT AMUSED!

MORE IMPORTANTLY........ NEITHER IS HE

Maybe you should think about just who it is that your making jokes
about.

I'll take it easy when you end this thread! :idea:

*throws a piece of popcorn at Kormanthor* Chill out, grab some popcorn, and watch the fun, baka! :lol:

Well, She isn't in the poll, but I think Shimeki-sama (creator of the multiverse, at least in my personal faith) would whoop everybody else. They're like... district management or something! :lol:


Sorry to ask such a personal question, but Rep, what is your religon? From the sound of that name I'm guessing Shinto, I may be wrong.

Take it easy guy, this is all in good fun.

Yeah, what one of Melkor's bitches said :P

Sorry Akilliam, had to be evil... hehehe

You listen up! No, just kidding. You can say anything you want to me provided it's all in good fun.

And yes, according to Creation, God created the Heavens and the Earth. However, the majority of the world doesn't believe Creation as told in the Bible.

From my point of veiw, the more the world keeps from believing God, the closer we get to THE END. If more people would wake up and not be so caliced... oh well doesn't matter. I just remembered something :P


Just one question; If I say that I don't BELIEVE you when you tell me
what your name is, does that change your name to something else?

Of course it doesn't, likewise, regardless whether you BELIEVE in him
or not doesn't change the fact that his existance is true.

*throws a piece of popcorn at Kormanthor* Chill out, grab some popcorn, and watch the fun, baka! :lol:

:lol: Yeah quit being a baka.

Take it easy guy, this is all in good fun.


DON'T MAKE THE LORD JESUS OUT TO BE A JOKE!


I'M NOT AMUSED!

MORE IMPORTANTLY........ NEITHER IS HE

Maybe you should think about just who it is that your making jokes
about.

I'll take it easy when you end this thread! :idea:

Yeesh. Lighten up. Chill out.

My nice, shiny dollar is still on Odin the Allfather. Even with just one eye he'd whoop your ass.

But if we're not confined to the three choices, then my money's on Azrael, The Inevitable End of the Multiverse, who keeps the Clock.

It tells time what it is.

Well, She isn't in the poll, but I think Shimeki-sama (creator of the multiverse, at least in my personal faith) would whoop everybody else. They're like... district management or something! :lol:


Sorry to ask such a personal question, but Rep, what is your religon? From the sound of that name I'm guessing Shinto, I may be wrong.

It's my own custom religion! ^_^ Takes bits and pieces from all over the place though =) S'fun whenever someone asks me my faith and I answer "Shimekism!". People tend to assume it's some sort of 'new age' thing or something :lol:

Take it easy guy, this is all in good fun.


DON'T MAKE THE LORD JESUS OUT TO BE A JOKE!


I'M NOT AMUSED!

MORE IMPORTANTLY........ NEITHER IS HE

Maybe you should think about just who it is that your making jokes
about.

I'll take it easy when you end this thread! :idea:

Yeesh. Lighten up. Chill out.

My nice, shiny dollar is still on Odin the Allfather. Even with just one eye he'd whoop your ass.

:lol: Odin shall be raped by Jesus's Steel Penis... XD

If you can't make fun of God, who can you make fun of?

Take it easy guy, this is all in good fun.


DON'T MAKE THE LORD JESUS OUT TO BE A JOKE!


I'M NOT AMUSED!

MORE IMPORTANTLY........ NEITHER IS HE

Maybe you should think about just who it is that your making jokes
about.

I'll take it easy when you end this thread! :idea:

Yeesh. Lighten up. Chill out.

My nice, shiny dollar is still on Odin the Allfather. Even with just one eye he'd whoop your ass.

:lol: Odin shall be raped by Jesus's Steel Penis... XD

If you can't make fun of God, who can you make fun of?

The pope.

Do not make me go into some of the biblical mistakes about the crucifixion. I don't want to do that.

Well, She isn't in the poll, but I think Shimeki-sama (creator of the multiverse, at least in my personal faith) would whoop everybody else. They're like... district management or something! :lol:


Sorry to ask such a personal question, but Rep, what is your religon? From the sound of that name I'm guessing Shinto, I may be wrong.

It's my own custom religion! ^_^ Takes bits and pieces from all over the place though =) S'fun whenever someone asks me my faith and I answer "Shimekism!". People tend to assume it's some sort of 'new age' thing or something :lol:

:lol: Okay. That's cool Rep, but I don't think there are very many followers...

There's not. There's.. *counts on her hand* Me, my sister... a friend of ours... Yeah. It's not an organized religion, so the whole followers thing isn't a big deal =p

I place $2.50 on Jesus. If thats too rich for your blood, tell me and ill lower my bet to $2.00

Take it easy guy, this is all in good fun.


DON'T MAKE THE LORD JESUS OUT TO BE A JOKE!


I'M NOT AMUSED!

MORE IMPORTANTLY........ NEITHER IS HE

Maybe you should think about just who it is that your making jokes
about.

I'll take it easy when you end this thread! :idea:

Yeesh. Lighten up. Chill out.

My nice, shiny dollar is still on Odin the Allfather. Even with just one eye he'd whoop your ass.

:lol: Odin shall be raped by Jesus's Steel Penis... XD

If you can't make fun of God, who can you make fun of?

The pope.

But he's like... God's nephew! Their like... family so... :P Don't diss John Paul II he's cool.

But Pope Hialirous was funny :lol:

There's not. There's.. *counts on her hand* Me, my sister... a friend of ours... Yeah. It's not an organized religion, so the whole followers thing isn't a big deal =p

lol...

The Shimeki Triumvirate.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/forumfun/misc7.jpg

The pope loves you.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/forumfun/misc7.jpg

The pope loves you.

XD! LMAO!

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/forumfun/positive8.jpg

anyone who posts crap from ebaums needs to be banned/shot/neutered. BTW adk aren't you going to fight off my invasion?

anyone who posts crap from ebaums needs to be banned/shot/neutered. BTW adk aren't you going to fight off my invasion?

Meh... lost the thread. And shutup, Ebaums pwninates you Klammerz.

NEWSFLASH!

SPEAKING 1337 DOES NOT MAKE YOU COOL!

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.
Ezekiel 25:17 - as modified by Sunny Chiba, 70's Martial artist and T.V. star and then used in Pulp Fiction.

THIS JUST IN!

STOP HIJACKING MY JOKE THREAD!

THIS JUST IN!

STOP HIJACKING MY JOKE THREAD!

lol, Slag, you crack me up.

So, it's a tossup between the Steel Penis, the Spear of Doom, and the Egyptian dude....

THIS JUST IN!

STOP HIJACKING MY JOKE THREAD!

NEVA! *kills an engineer* THIS HERE THREAD IS HEADED FOR GENERAL! WHERE IT SHALL DIE IN THE ALL CONSUMING VALCANO AND GAY CHAT THREADS!!!!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

EDIT: Margins.... must... be... screwed up... mwahahaha!!!

I thought that Thor was the god of war, not Odin. But it's late here, and I haven't read the Norse Myths in many years...

Oh, wait, Odin had the Valkeries, didn't he...? Now I'm all confused... :?

You didn't include the almighty Buddha! The ultimate power in pacifism, the most enlightened being in existence, and always happy!
I mean, he's a big, fat, laughing guy! How can you fight with that? Just looking at him will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
So what if he's not really a god......................

I thought that Thor was the god of war, not Odin. But it's late here, and I haven't read the Norse Myths in many years...

Oh, wait, Odin had the Valkeries, didn't he...? Now I'm all confused... :?

Well, according to what I've read Odin quite enjoyed the odd scrap-up, which would make him a pretty warlike bloke.

And yeah, the Valkyries were the Maidens of Odin.

Damn you, you forgot Väinämöinen!

I vote for Ukko Ylijumala!

the Kelvinisgradi wager is in favor of Mr. Wednesday.

bid: a box of one dozen assorted fine-quality evils

My Lord all the way!

Eru pwnz joo.

Eru pwnz joo.


BAD ANIMATION! BAD ANIMATION! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

Jesus is A) omnipotent because he is one of the holy trinities of God B) has a huge army of Angels to fight and C) is omnipotent...did I say that already?

That is the difference between Monotheism and Polytheism. Polytheism uses many gods with different powers, Monotheism uses one OMNIPOTENT god.

Jebus crist. Some people got some sort of large blunt object in an uncomfortable area on the last page... <_<

Anyway as funny as I think Jesus in a freaking tank is... I don't know how much offensive power that canon will have against another god. Especialy since it normaly takes a 6 man crew a good 2 minutes to identify their target, get its trajectory, aim the turret, load a shell, fire and move before they get scrapped. And it's pretty hard to look around, drive and load up a shell.

I'm going to have to go with Odin on this, assuming he can bring in the Valkaries.

Eru pwnz joo.


BAD ANIMATION! BAD ANIMATION! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

What? I was talking about Iluvatar, the One, who is also known as Eru.

Jesus would probably just throw the fight. Anyway, isn't Odin the only one who hasn't died yet. I'm not sure I "believe" the undead could take Odin. He doesn't fight fair. Osiris and Jesus both dish out justice not cans of whoop-arse

Jesus would probably just throw the fight. Anyway, isn't Odin the only one who hasn't died yet. I'm not sure I "believe" the undead could take Odin. He doesn't fight fair. Osiris and Jesus both dish out justice not cans of whoop-arse
He's got a point, Odin doesn't fight clean, he just makes sure what he smites is dead and does it good and quick. PLus he's known for some great deeds of destruction if I remember right.

$1,000 on Osiris, $5,000 on Odin, and $2,000 on Jesus in a tank.

I place my bet on Jesus because Jesus is a GODMODER. :D

All gods are godmoders. It's in the contract they have to sign.... Article 27.

"I smite you!"
"Nuh-uh, you missed!"
"Did not!"
"Did too! I send my holy scorpions and they kill 2109418 of your people!"
"Did not! I used my uber holy shield to protect my worshippers!"

And so on so forth.

Well dur. That is why it is called GOD modding. The person should only be able to use powers that reflect thier powers yes?

Yeah, Odin was king of the Norse gods. Thor with his uber-homing homing hammer and goat-drawn chariot was the god of war (and thunder)

Jesus, with divine power from the Father,guided by the Holy Spirit, will surely have the upper hand, no matter how many "false gods" you toss His way!!!
This "Trio-in One" is unstoppable!!!! I Stake my Nation on Him & Our poeple offer their allegiance in this conflict! ....anyone else???

Tough choice.

Actually, wasn't Osiris missing certain... parts? He might be a little distracted by the codename for JC's tank.

Personally, I'd like to see Mung hop in while they're going at it, make the Sign of Mung, and cap all three.

"Who's Mung?" you ask? He's a creation of Lord Dunsany, and was the god of death. No, not some wussy lord of the underworld, or any crap like that. He was the God of Death. He was the one who did the killin' and he was a full powered god. His worshippers were pretty scarce, and tried to avoid his notice, mind you.

Anyway, since I have to pick one, I think I'll go with JC. After all, even if he gets killed, he can just rise again. Bit of an advantage, that. Not too concerned with Odin's spear, either. Jesus was already pierced by one, another won't much matter.

The only thing that worries me is if this is Odin after he ripped out his eye. That all powerful wisdom might give him a tactical advantage.

Alas, I fear poor old Osiris is just gonna get hacked apart again and scattered. Poor chump.

Oh, right... a bet. I put fifty big ones on JC.

Jesus, with divine power from the Father,guided by the Holy Spirit, will surely have the upper hand, no matter how many "false gods" you toss His way!!!
This "Trio-in One" is unstoppable!!!! I Stake my Nation on Him & Our poeple offer their allegiance in this conflict! ....anyone else???

Blah blah blah. Never mind all that, you've got to focus on the tangibles.

Now, in this fight, Jesus' laserbeam heart and Steel Penis give him quite an edge.... but is it enough?

Not to mention Jesus was a fairly lean bloke. But you know what they say about the skinny ones, they've got all the funky kung-fu.

Stay tuned!

1k on odin, In all the documents i have seen him in he has a horse, That horse could obliterate steel penis

Blah, blah, blah.

There is but one god, and Wombat is his name ...

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid67/pf808e8f95bcb98bc121f28dbb06e0ef2/fbdbfb56.jpg

:lol:

AM

Bump!

Still considering actually RPing this since it's so damned popular...

we,,if youre gonna allow their traditional armamanets to the Gods,could i enter Athena into the contests?after all,since the Aegis is an invicible protection,even if she dosn't win,she can't loose!

But if we're not confined to the three choices, then my money's on Azrael, The Inevitable End of the Multiverse, who keeps the Clock.

It tells time what it is.

Yeah, can I vote for Cthulhu? I've always kinda liked him.

I bet Jeus.

I'm putting fiddy pee on Odin! :wink:

I thought that Thor was the god of war, not Odin. But it's late here, and I haven't read the Norse Myths in many years...

Oh, wait, Odin had the Valkeries, didn't he...? Now I'm all confused... :?

Thor was a relative latecomer to the Norse mythology. He gained a lot of prominence because of his following among the warrior class- all of whom were tired of the dreary "Odin Psychopompos" idea. Thor had a lot of fun, didn't give a damn about anything BUT having fun, and was just about the exact opposite of the grim Wotan cult.

Odin (Wotan, Woden) was the Father of the Gods. Tyr (Tiew, Tiwa) was the God of war. Thor was the God of Storms, thunder, and lightning.

The Valkyrie were "Choosers of the Slain". Wotan sent them forth to pick only the bravest warriors who had fallen in battle to fight the giants on the Last Day.

thats you told! :wink:

Nah guys you are all wrong.

I bet Osiris.

Osiris is the god of the dead, and the god of the resurrection into eternal life. He is also the god of nature/planet/underworld. Means that while Jesus can walk on water, he can raise the water and flood Jesus' tank.
But best of all, he is the incarned power of Râ, the Sun God. So he also has the power of Sun - melting Jesus' Abraham tank ! 8)
Osiris, the best !

Once again, I really see a problem in this thread....but if I had to choose. It would be Jesus in a Tank...

I would bet on Athena as well, as she was the supreme warrior of the greek pantheon. However, she is not in this fight. Mayhap our friend SLAG will be so kind as to feature her in round Three (round two is already picked).

I bet $5000 on Odin, worshipped by Generals and Kings.

I thought that Thor was the god of war, not Odin. But it's late here, and I haven't read the Norse Myths in many years...

Oh, wait, Odin had the Valkeries, didn't he...? Now I'm all confused... :?

Well, according to what I've read Odin quite enjoyed the odd scrap-up, which would make him a pretty warlike bloke.

And yeah, the Valkyries were the Maidens of Odin.

Still, I mean, Thor had the big hammer and all... and Odin sacrificed his eye for knowledge. I mean, what kind of war-like guys wastes an eye on KNOWLEDGE?

Edit-- OK, since Evil Overlord says it, it's probably right. I should really read that stuff again...

Errr, one that doesn't need depth perception...'Sides he got the trained ravens in the deal.

---Post deleted by NationStates Moderators---

Osiris p0wns ya all...

no, really, Osiris will surely win, i mean, Odin... yes, he`s strong, but he`s also stupid, he has no class... no charisma... forget him...

As for Jesus... hey, i mean... coime on, this guy says you have to love your enemy! And a steel penis is not enough, not if you are a pacifist...

reminds me, why did he actually accept the challenge? No college loan?

Bah! Osiris couldn't even hold his own against Set, much less a true warrior god. Norse mythology was a pretty cutthroat society, if Odin didn't pick up some tricks from his fellows he'd be in sad shape indeed, and besides he was one of those who worked to trap Fenris Wolf so you can't say he can't be sneaky when needed. So let's hear it for WooahDIN!

Jesus would probably just throw the fight. Anyway, isn't Odin the only one who hasn't died yet. I'm not sure I "believe" the undead could take Odin. He doesn't fight fair. Osiris and Jesus both dish out justice not cans of whoop-arse
He's got a point, Odin doesn't fight clean, he just makes sure what he smites is dead and does it good and quick. PLus he's known for some great deeds of destruction if I remember right.

However, the Norse gods are not immortal. They're capable of death, and in fact mostly fated to die at Ragnarok, if not sooner.

Of course, Odin does have a slight advantage, in that his spear, like Thor's hammer, is enchanted. It never misses. He's also got the wisdom of the worlds (which was the reason he sacrificed that eye), which makes him quite the tricky one to attempt to outmaneuver. He's likely to have the best plan. And in addition to being the All-Father, Odin is the gallows-god, the Grim one. Most likely he is feigning being the weakest of the three as part of his strategy -- he hopes the other two will consider each other a greater threat than him.

Osiris, on the other hand, has a greater breadth of power. But while he is the god of the underworld, and has even shown some power over 'dead' gods of his pantheon, his powers over the living are more limited. He's less a Grim Reaper-like death god than a judge of the dead. He also doesn't have any particular attachment to combat; no doubt he's capable, but it's not part of his portfolio the way it is for Odin. Osiris is also probably the least intelligent and cunning of the three, though he is very perceptive. Osiris' best hope is a blunt-force approach, attempting to overwhelm the other two with greater power before they can outmaneuver him.

Christ-in-a-tank suffers from ambiguous status. Some religions hold him as part of an omnipotent god-triune; others see him as just a prophet. Some see him as having died and returned; others do not. That makes him the "wild card" in this fight, as his status will not be known until oberved. "Schroedinger's Christ" might prove an easy win, or the tank might be nothing more than a speed bump. But the tank is definitely classier than an eight-legged horse, even if it's probably less effective.

Final analysis: I'd lean toward Odin. You don't mess with a guy who has titles like "grim" and "gallows-god."

8)

And for the record, I'm not adding any more gods. I may continue this series if it remains popular; however, for now, it's just Odin, Jesus, and Osiris.

*ponders once again Shiva, Buddha, Ra, Ra, Ra...*

And for the record, I'm not adding any more gods. I may continue this series if it remains popular; however, for now, it's just Odin, Jesus, and Osiris.

*ponders once again Shiva, Buddha, Ra, Ra, Ra...*

But Cthulhu vs practically anybody would be so cool!

A god is a god, but Jesus in a tank is in a TANK.

No contest really

A god is a god, but Jesus in a tank is in a TANK.

No contest really

What? Jesus is in a tank in a tank? He doesn't get two! That's cheating!

JESUS IS DISQUALIFIED!

Some more names:

Zeus

Marduk

Vishnu

Kernunnos

God (no...really :wink: )

Baal

Shiva

Allah ( 8) )

Seth

Ares

Chronos

etc. etc. etc.

I'm gonna have to go with both of these:

Given the evidence of the Lord's ability to make offensive weapons - gotta go with the Lord. $5000.

My proof?


And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.'

And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--

Skip a bit, Brother.

And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

well i like rooting for the underdog so i am going with Jesus

also he can just ressurect himself as much as he needs to. :)
Dude... it's Jesus Christ. In a tank.

Up against some guy with a wimpy soul-eating dog and another guy with an eight-legged horse.

Are you -sure- he's the underdog?

Hearty Aerospace Pirate Cap'n Scolo

And besides that, Jesus has armies behind him.

Jesus is part of the holy trinity, meaning he is one with god. God is omnipotent. You can't beat that. Omnipotency wins over all, because it is OMNIPOTENCY!! Also he has an army of angels...yes ANGELS!

Hey, Slag, if you ever need some ideas, I've got an entire dictionary of gods, demons, etc ^_~

omnipotency is the definition of godmodding,so i bet the toher two ignore jesus...after all,jesus has a huge rep for godmodding,no decent RPer would RP with him he godmodds so much,so i bet they use tactical ingore nukes on him 8)

WO-din! WO-din! WO-din!

Go Wodin! You have Wendsday named after you!

And for the record, I'm not adding any more gods. I may continue this series if it remains popular; however, for now, it's just Odin, Jesus, and Osiris.

*ponders once again Shiva, Buddha, Ra, Ra, Ra...*

Eru weeps. ALAS FOR ERU! ALAS, ALACK! WOE!

And for the record, I'm not adding any more gods. I may continue this series if it remains popular; however, for now, it's just Odin, Jesus, and Osiris.

*ponders once again Shiva, Buddha, Ra, Ra, Ra...*

Eru weeps. ALAS FOR ERU! ALAS, ALACK! WOE!

Dang, I wish I could remember where to put the accents in Illuvatar....

Jesus is part of the holy trinity, meaning he is one with god.

...But only if you're Christian. Otherwise, he's a "teacher" or "prophet" at best. Whereas the other two are referred to as "gods" even by those who don't believe in them -- the Egyptian god Osiris, the Norse god Odin.

On the other hand, Jesus has more name recognition and "star power," and that tank does look like it could lay a good holy smackdown. He's also pretty cagey, despite his pristine image -- remember how easily he kept evading the Pharisees' traps? The other two just might underestimate the big J.C.

I'd still bet on Odin, but Jesus and his tank are gonna make a damned fine (if he'll pardon the term) second-place showing.

DON'T MAKE THE LORD JESUS OUT TO BE A JOKE!


I'M NOT AMUSED!

MORE IMPORTANTLY........ NEITHER IS HE

Maybe you should think about just who it is that your making jokes
about.


Actually, maybe you should. Because he probably would be amused. Seemed a pretty decent, good-humored chap, if you believe what they wrote about him. Bit of a dry wit, but smart.

And, of course, some of his biggest enemies were a bunch of self-righteous, humorless snobs called the Pharisees. He didn't get angry very much, but they were among the few who inspired it in him.

Jesus in a tank? Well, he probably never rode in a tank before, so he might like it.

Hey though do you really think thats an appropriate tank name,you know seeing as how you're a mod? :wink:

It's a reference to the classic thread, "MY STEEL PENISES WILL PROTECT ME!"

Quickly! Someone drag the depths for it!

http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=9705

Still doing this Slag? I want to see this put together!

Hey though do you really think thats an appropriate tank name,you know seeing as how you're a mod? :wink:

It's a reference to the classic thread, "MY STEEL PENISES WILL PROTECT ME!"

Quickly! Someone drag the depths for it!

http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=9705

Heehee... and it was a chick who beat all the guys in the steel penis contest :twisted:

Hey though do you really think thats an appropriate tank name,you know seeing as how you're a mod? :wink:

It's a reference to the classic thread, "MY STEEL PENISES WILL PROTECT ME!"

Quickly! Someone drag the depths for it!

http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=9705

Heehee... and it was a chick who beat all the guys in the steel penis contest :twisted:

Now where's Freud when you don't need him?

Busy turning in his grave I think.

The question is, what do the Gods in this battle get to use to back them up? Can they call in their hosts of believers/supporters/henchmen for backup? Or is it just them and their own mystical powers?

The Salvation Army couldn't do much (blankets anyone?) but those Crusaders packed a punch... and there have certainly been enough religious zealots and martyrs in history who'd be all too willing to come out of retirement on Jesus's behalf - just look at the fervour displayed posting in this thread!

Even if it's just the Gods involved, Jesus could call in a few favours from the Father and smite the heck out of the other two.

On the other hand Odin had all the other Norse Gods under his command... and that eight-legged horse is snazzy.

Sorry I don't know anything about Osiris except that he was God of the Dead... didn't his job involve crocodiles? :)

So... I guess my bet's on Jesus. You can't go past a steel penis! lol

The question is, what do the Gods in this battle get to use to back them up? Can they call in their hosts of believers/supporters/henchmen for backup? Or is it just them and their own mystical powers?

If we limit this strictly to non-mortals, Osiris didn't have much of a celestial retinue, but Odin has all of the FALLEN to fight on his behalf (that IS why he was collecting the fallen warriors to begin with).

OTOH, Yehoshua ben Yusuf (Christ) is not quite so mild-mannered as some of you would believe. According to Dante Alighieri in the first book of "The Divine Comedy" ("Infernum"), Christ tore down the gates of Dis in Hell with his bare hands. Furthermore, he could conceivable call on the Seraphim and Cherubim to assist him.

My call:
Osiris gets taken out early, but keeps coming back into the fight. Wotan and Christ's followers demolish each other, and Christ would eventually win (anybody who can waltz through Hell intact gets my vote)

My call:
Osiris gets taken out early, but keeps coming back into the fight. Wotan and Christ's followers demolish each other, and Christ would eventually win (anybody who can waltz through Hell intact gets my vote)

Only problem, is that Odin sacrificed an eye, and hung himself on the gallows to learn everyone's secrets. That coupled with the fact that Odin is a cheater, will ensure that he'll come out on top in the end.

Of course, since they all have died and been resurrected, it does seem that they'll all keep coming back. All Odin needs is someone to hang on Yggdrassil for him, and take his place, and since he's got the hosts of dead warriors, I'm sure they'll sacrifice for him.

My call: Odin feigns weakness and allows himself to be "taken out" early. While "recouperating" he will watch Osirus and Christ deadlock. When both have become fatigued, he will go to both and offer his 'services'. Which ever takes his services (most likely Osirus) will be assisted against the other (probably Christ), and once the tag-team has won, Odin will turn on the other.

I also think that someone will dedicate the battle to Odin, and strengthen him further with the battle of the other two.