Law Abiding Criminals
30-05-2007, 19:44
After the popular television news show "Insider Excess" ran a story about @@RANDOMNAME@@, the nation's oldest driver, falling asleep at the wheel and causing a ten-car accident, a number of concerned citizens have been calling for seniors to give up their licenses.
The Debate
1. "There's a such thing as being too young to drive, you know," cries out @@RANDOMNAME@@, whose cousin was killed in the ten-car crash. "And there's definitely such a thing as being too old to drive. People expect to retire at sixty-five, so I don't see how they really need a license after that. I urge the government of @@NAME@@ to make it illegal for anyone sixty-five and older to drive."
[effect]people are forced into retirement at sixty-five because they can no longer drive
2. "We never killed anyone!" shouts several members of Old Fogeys Anonymous. "And we ought to be able to drive for as long as we feel like it! Sure, we might drive only twenty kilometers per hour in the fast lane, but if you don't like the way we drive, go around us!"
[effect]centenarian drivers routinely slow down rush-hour traffic
3. "Wait, wait, wait, have we forgotten how to compromise here?" chimes in @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the Ministry of Transportation. "People who just can't drive anymore should have to accept that, yes. But why punish older people who still can drive? I propose that we test these people every three years or so, and if they pass, they can still drive. If not, well, if they fail three times in a row, they're barred from driving for life. Sorry, but that's the breaks."
[effect]antsy teenagers waiting to get their driver's licenses queue behind seniors tying to keep theirs
4. "All this testing just means longer lines and higher taxes," insists @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of Seniors Work Here Inc. "I employ a number of senior citizens who need to drive to work. If a senior works, they should be allowed to drive. Only the lazy ones who retire should lose their licenses. Frankly, making the loss of your dirver's license a penslty for retiring would encourage people to work, and, well, that's just good for the economy."
[effect]continually unemployed people fear being classified as "retired" and losing their driver's licenses
5. "Driver's licenses? Who needs 'em?" chortles @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Mono Means One, Rail Means Rail Inc. "What we need is better public transport, so any area inhabited by more than a hundred people is within easy access of anywhere. Seniors, or anyone else, for that matter, won't be whining about losing their driver's licenses because they can just hop on a bus or a monorail and go wherever they please. Everyone wins...well, except the car companies, but who needs cars anyway?"
[effect]remote villages in West @@NAME@@ have massive monorail stations
The Debate
1. "There's a such thing as being too young to drive, you know," cries out @@RANDOMNAME@@, whose cousin was killed in the ten-car crash. "And there's definitely such a thing as being too old to drive. People expect to retire at sixty-five, so I don't see how they really need a license after that. I urge the government of @@NAME@@ to make it illegal for anyone sixty-five and older to drive."
[effect]people are forced into retirement at sixty-five because they can no longer drive
2. "We never killed anyone!" shouts several members of Old Fogeys Anonymous. "And we ought to be able to drive for as long as we feel like it! Sure, we might drive only twenty kilometers per hour in the fast lane, but if you don't like the way we drive, go around us!"
[effect]centenarian drivers routinely slow down rush-hour traffic
3. "Wait, wait, wait, have we forgotten how to compromise here?" chimes in @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the Ministry of Transportation. "People who just can't drive anymore should have to accept that, yes. But why punish older people who still can drive? I propose that we test these people every three years or so, and if they pass, they can still drive. If not, well, if they fail three times in a row, they're barred from driving for life. Sorry, but that's the breaks."
[effect]antsy teenagers waiting to get their driver's licenses queue behind seniors tying to keep theirs
4. "All this testing just means longer lines and higher taxes," insists @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of Seniors Work Here Inc. "I employ a number of senior citizens who need to drive to work. If a senior works, they should be allowed to drive. Only the lazy ones who retire should lose their licenses. Frankly, making the loss of your dirver's license a penslty for retiring would encourage people to work, and, well, that's just good for the economy."
[effect]continually unemployed people fear being classified as "retired" and losing their driver's licenses
5. "Driver's licenses? Who needs 'em?" chortles @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Mono Means One, Rail Means Rail Inc. "What we need is better public transport, so any area inhabited by more than a hundred people is within easy access of anywhere. Seniors, or anyone else, for that matter, won't be whining about losing their driver's licenses because they can just hop on a bus or a monorail and go wherever they please. Everyone wins...well, except the car companies, but who needs cars anyway?"
[effect]remote villages in West @@NAME@@ have massive monorail stations