NovaCarpeDiem
02-05-2007, 01:58
I have no idea whether anyone has actually done these before; but out of boredom, I submit the following:
Farewell, Welfare?
After a popular tabloid newspaper revealed that over one quarter of @@NAME@@'s population lives off government handouts, there have been protests for reform... of some kind.
Validity: Nations that spend money on social welfare, I guess.
[option]"It's a disgrace!" yells angry protestor @@RANDOMNAME@@, brandishing a tax form. "I work nights and weekends to pay the bills, and then my hard-earned tax dollars go to these parasites? I propose we abolish the welfare system! Sure, the people who legitimately use the money may suffer for it, but they can always rely upon our charities... or something."
[effect]charity employees are commonly seen begging on the streets for more funds
[option]"You can't do that!" gasps unemployed single parent @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If it weren't for the monthly checks we get from the welfare office, I and my nine children would starve to death! I propose you increase the welfare amount, and allow us free healthcare and food stamps, so that I can finally get a job, or go back to school, or buy more dru-- I mean, food. Nations should be judged by how they treat their worst-off after all, don't you agree?"
[effect]the average unemployed person lives better than most CEOs
[option]"Surely there can be some middle ground?" suggests your obsessively centrist advisor, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Couldn't we keep the welfare system, but contingent on getting a job or education? Thus, if you don't go back to work or school after, say, a year, the welfare checks stop. That way, the parasites will fall by the wayside whereas those who actually attempt to better their situation will benefit; and it'll lighten the burden on the taxpayers, too."
[effect]the unemployed frequently commit murder over job opportunities
[option]"The welfare system itself simply attacks the symptoms of the problem, rather than the root," says radio talk show host @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Studies have shown that unemployment is caused by lack of credentials, which is caused by lack of education. Therefore, increasing funds in education ought to prevent unemployment, and thus remove the need for welfare. Those who still fail to get jobs must be just plain stupid."
[effect]funding for welfare has been redirected into education
Deterring the Nuclear Deterrent?
When a dictatorship in your region reportedly launched 67195571773646656 n00kz at its neighbour, popular protest has forced the Ministry of Defence to rethink its nuclear weapons policy.
Validity: Nations that answered options 1 or 2 of "Build Bigger Bombs"
[option]"Maintaining our nuclear arsenal is a stain on our international reputation," says pacifist writer @@RANDOMNAME@@ in a televised interview. "Not only does it cost billions a year, but the use of such deadly weaponry with such abandon by our neighbours proves that the very existence of these weapons is apt to make our military cocky and thus irresponsible. And did I mention the cost? I propose we get rid of them any way we can... apart from firing them of course."
[effect]large areas of @@NAME@@'s ocean are dotted with deactivated nuclear warheads
[option]Your Supreme General says, "Actually, the recent event proves the exact opposite: Now, more than ever, we need our nuclear weaponry to deter rogue nations like the attacker from bringing such destruction to our shores. I propose we invest in a spy satellite network to monitor hostile or potentially hostile powers.... and an anti-missile shield around our nation.... and keep an eye on airlines and commercial ships; after all, some bomb-chucking maniac might try to sneak a nuke in from overseas."
[effect]there are more special forces than passengers on the average airliner
Economic Depression Getting Citizens Down
When the price of bread reportedly reached a million @@CURRENCY@@s yesterday, the populace of @@NAME@@ has demanded that something be done about the nation's economic troubles.
Validity: Nations with "Imploded" economies (or lower "Basket Case", I suppose).
[option]"I'm making even less than my employees.... and my entire company's assets aren't enough to buy a decent meal!" yells @@NAME@@ @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ Corp. CEO @@RANDOMNAME@@. "This is all due to government mismanagement and silly outdated socialist policies. Strip the budget! Lower taxes! Cut down the size and power of the government and its involvement in the economy! I know it sounds drastic, but in a time like this, drastic measures are required!"
[effect]all government interference in the economy has ceased
[option]"No!" counters self-proclaimed 'proletarian' @@RANDOMNAME@@. "On the contrary, the socialist nature of the government is all that is keeping our economy as little afloat as it is! If anything, the economy is far too capitalist. The pockets of the bourgeoisie are bulging with the sweat of the honest working man, and this societal skeleton in the closet is the leech that sucks the nation's wealth dry. After all, if the workers aren't making any money, the nation will be poor, right? I propose that all businesses be placed under government control to help rebuild the economy. It's the only way out!"
[effect]private enterprise has been abolished
[option]"They're both wrong," your Advisor for Trade and Commerce whispers into your ear. "Nothing we can do domestically will help our economy recover on its own. We'll need to request foreign aid from the more prosperous governments in our region; I'm sure someone will be generous enough to help us out, especially if we open our @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ market to them. Sure, we might end up an economic colony of some foreign nation, but our people are worth it, right?"
[effect]the @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ industry is dominated by foreign-backed corporations
The Great @@NAME@@ Schism
A religious schism has caused turmoil and unrest throughout the Holy Order of Violet, even though nobody can really tell the difference between the two sides, and is threatening to rip apart the nation's religious community.
[option]Your Religious Advisor, @@RANDOMNAME@@, says, "Over a third of the population follows Her teachings, and this religious controversy could cause riots and economic destruction, possibly even civil war! We must attempt to reconcile the two factions, and deploy special 'Religious Police' to problem areas to restore order.... of course, it means that some additional funds will have to be diverted, and taxes may raise a bit, but surely that's an acceptable price to pay for security?"
[effect]the government frequently steps in to resolve religious disputes
[option]"Reconciliation is no longer an option!" thunders High Priest @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the Pythagosaurian Faction of the Holy Order of Violet, brandishing a flaming torch. "This is not a conflict that can be solved by police, but only by the Goddess herself. The government must take sides! Pick one and expel the other from the country! And by taking sides, I mean you should support OUR cause, and drive out those General forum-spawned Salusians!"
[effect]the nation has recently declared a holy war
[option]"If you ask me, they're all a bunch of nutters!" confides man on the street @@RANDOMNAME@@. "All those religious folk, going off and fighting wars just because they disagree on the name of the chief prophet? Lock them up and teach them a jolly good lesson. We may as well simply go ahead and ban all religious organisations; they obviously cause nothing but trouble."
[effect]members of religious organisations tend to disappear from their homes at night
@@NAME@@ Stuck in the Past, Claim Intellectuals
Surveys of schools, research facilities, and government offices reveal that the rate of scientific progress is decreasing alarmingly.
[option]"This year, we've approved only nineteen patents, or six hundred below average," says @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ Patent Office. "And I think that's a sure sign something's wrong. Here in @@NAME@@ we haven't discovered any new scientific theories, created any radical new inventions, or otherwise made any mark on the technological world for as long as I can remember! I think this calls for a change in attitude.... we should increase funding for science classes in schools, bring back the science fair, institute national competitions. The education budget's needed boosting for ages, anyway."
[effect]children frequently compete to build nuclear reactors out of paper clips
[option]"My colleague at the patent office has the right idea, but I don't think education is where the problem lies," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your minister of commerce. "Rather, this is a job for the private sector. That's where lifesaving new technologies have always come from, after all.... even if they do cost too much for the average citizen. The government could simply award prizes to businesses that produce radical inventions; we'll have progress before you can say 'Ayn Rand'!"
[effect]the government subsidises businesses that produce new inventions
[option]"That seems like an awful lot of work," muses @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Magpie Industries Ltd. "Wouldn't it be easier if we just kept an eye out for overseas companies that create new technologies, then take them over? We do live in a global economy now, after all; why do we have to do the work when we could simply buy someone else who does it better? And if they don't want to sell...... well, that's where you -- and preferably your generals -- come in."
[effect]@@NAME@@'s largest corporations are feared throughout the region for their unique style of "hostile takeover"
[option]"Thy premise is false," quoth @@RANDOMNAME@@, chairperson of the Troglodyte Coalition. "We need progress not! The system we have now works passing well, no? Methinks we need not these 'science' and 'mathematics' courses; 'twould be far better if the children were apprenticed, and came to learn their trade the earlier. Now, if thou wilt excuse me, I must away to the joust for the demonstration of knightly prowess!"
[effect]schools have been abolished and all children are apprenticed at age eight
Comments? The titles and [effect] clauses, especially, are iffy and amorphous in my mind.
Farewell, Welfare?
After a popular tabloid newspaper revealed that over one quarter of @@NAME@@'s population lives off government handouts, there have been protests for reform... of some kind.
Validity: Nations that spend money on social welfare, I guess.
[option]"It's a disgrace!" yells angry protestor @@RANDOMNAME@@, brandishing a tax form. "I work nights and weekends to pay the bills, and then my hard-earned tax dollars go to these parasites? I propose we abolish the welfare system! Sure, the people who legitimately use the money may suffer for it, but they can always rely upon our charities... or something."
[effect]charity employees are commonly seen begging on the streets for more funds
[option]"You can't do that!" gasps unemployed single parent @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If it weren't for the monthly checks we get from the welfare office, I and my nine children would starve to death! I propose you increase the welfare amount, and allow us free healthcare and food stamps, so that I can finally get a job, or go back to school, or buy more dru-- I mean, food. Nations should be judged by how they treat their worst-off after all, don't you agree?"
[effect]the average unemployed person lives better than most CEOs
[option]"Surely there can be some middle ground?" suggests your obsessively centrist advisor, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Couldn't we keep the welfare system, but contingent on getting a job or education? Thus, if you don't go back to work or school after, say, a year, the welfare checks stop. That way, the parasites will fall by the wayside whereas those who actually attempt to better their situation will benefit; and it'll lighten the burden on the taxpayers, too."
[effect]the unemployed frequently commit murder over job opportunities
[option]"The welfare system itself simply attacks the symptoms of the problem, rather than the root," says radio talk show host @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Studies have shown that unemployment is caused by lack of credentials, which is caused by lack of education. Therefore, increasing funds in education ought to prevent unemployment, and thus remove the need for welfare. Those who still fail to get jobs must be just plain stupid."
[effect]funding for welfare has been redirected into education
Deterring the Nuclear Deterrent?
When a dictatorship in your region reportedly launched 67195571773646656 n00kz at its neighbour, popular protest has forced the Ministry of Defence to rethink its nuclear weapons policy.
Validity: Nations that answered options 1 or 2 of "Build Bigger Bombs"
[option]"Maintaining our nuclear arsenal is a stain on our international reputation," says pacifist writer @@RANDOMNAME@@ in a televised interview. "Not only does it cost billions a year, but the use of such deadly weaponry with such abandon by our neighbours proves that the very existence of these weapons is apt to make our military cocky and thus irresponsible. And did I mention the cost? I propose we get rid of them any way we can... apart from firing them of course."
[effect]large areas of @@NAME@@'s ocean are dotted with deactivated nuclear warheads
[option]Your Supreme General says, "Actually, the recent event proves the exact opposite: Now, more than ever, we need our nuclear weaponry to deter rogue nations like the attacker from bringing such destruction to our shores. I propose we invest in a spy satellite network to monitor hostile or potentially hostile powers.... and an anti-missile shield around our nation.... and keep an eye on airlines and commercial ships; after all, some bomb-chucking maniac might try to sneak a nuke in from overseas."
[effect]there are more special forces than passengers on the average airliner
Economic Depression Getting Citizens Down
When the price of bread reportedly reached a million @@CURRENCY@@s yesterday, the populace of @@NAME@@ has demanded that something be done about the nation's economic troubles.
Validity: Nations with "Imploded" economies (or lower "Basket Case", I suppose).
[option]"I'm making even less than my employees.... and my entire company's assets aren't enough to buy a decent meal!" yells @@NAME@@ @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ Corp. CEO @@RANDOMNAME@@. "This is all due to government mismanagement and silly outdated socialist policies. Strip the budget! Lower taxes! Cut down the size and power of the government and its involvement in the economy! I know it sounds drastic, but in a time like this, drastic measures are required!"
[effect]all government interference in the economy has ceased
[option]"No!" counters self-proclaimed 'proletarian' @@RANDOMNAME@@. "On the contrary, the socialist nature of the government is all that is keeping our economy as little afloat as it is! If anything, the economy is far too capitalist. The pockets of the bourgeoisie are bulging with the sweat of the honest working man, and this societal skeleton in the closet is the leech that sucks the nation's wealth dry. After all, if the workers aren't making any money, the nation will be poor, right? I propose that all businesses be placed under government control to help rebuild the economy. It's the only way out!"
[effect]private enterprise has been abolished
[option]"They're both wrong," your Advisor for Trade and Commerce whispers into your ear. "Nothing we can do domestically will help our economy recover on its own. We'll need to request foreign aid from the more prosperous governments in our region; I'm sure someone will be generous enough to help us out, especially if we open our @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ market to them. Sure, we might end up an economic colony of some foreign nation, but our people are worth it, right?"
[effect]the @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ industry is dominated by foreign-backed corporations
The Great @@NAME@@ Schism
A religious schism has caused turmoil and unrest throughout the Holy Order of Violet, even though nobody can really tell the difference between the two sides, and is threatening to rip apart the nation's religious community.
[option]Your Religious Advisor, @@RANDOMNAME@@, says, "Over a third of the population follows Her teachings, and this religious controversy could cause riots and economic destruction, possibly even civil war! We must attempt to reconcile the two factions, and deploy special 'Religious Police' to problem areas to restore order.... of course, it means that some additional funds will have to be diverted, and taxes may raise a bit, but surely that's an acceptable price to pay for security?"
[effect]the government frequently steps in to resolve religious disputes
[option]"Reconciliation is no longer an option!" thunders High Priest @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the Pythagosaurian Faction of the Holy Order of Violet, brandishing a flaming torch. "This is not a conflict that can be solved by police, but only by the Goddess herself. The government must take sides! Pick one and expel the other from the country! And by taking sides, I mean you should support OUR cause, and drive out those General forum-spawned Salusians!"
[effect]the nation has recently declared a holy war
[option]"If you ask me, they're all a bunch of nutters!" confides man on the street @@RANDOMNAME@@. "All those religious folk, going off and fighting wars just because they disagree on the name of the chief prophet? Lock them up and teach them a jolly good lesson. We may as well simply go ahead and ban all religious organisations; they obviously cause nothing but trouble."
[effect]members of religious organisations tend to disappear from their homes at night
@@NAME@@ Stuck in the Past, Claim Intellectuals
Surveys of schools, research facilities, and government offices reveal that the rate of scientific progress is decreasing alarmingly.
[option]"This year, we've approved only nineteen patents, or six hundred below average," says @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ Patent Office. "And I think that's a sure sign something's wrong. Here in @@NAME@@ we haven't discovered any new scientific theories, created any radical new inventions, or otherwise made any mark on the technological world for as long as I can remember! I think this calls for a change in attitude.... we should increase funding for science classes in schools, bring back the science fair, institute national competitions. The education budget's needed boosting for ages, anyway."
[effect]children frequently compete to build nuclear reactors out of paper clips
[option]"My colleague at the patent office has the right idea, but I don't think education is where the problem lies," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your minister of commerce. "Rather, this is a job for the private sector. That's where lifesaving new technologies have always come from, after all.... even if they do cost too much for the average citizen. The government could simply award prizes to businesses that produce radical inventions; we'll have progress before you can say 'Ayn Rand'!"
[effect]the government subsidises businesses that produce new inventions
[option]"That seems like an awful lot of work," muses @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Magpie Industries Ltd. "Wouldn't it be easier if we just kept an eye out for overseas companies that create new technologies, then take them over? We do live in a global economy now, after all; why do we have to do the work when we could simply buy someone else who does it better? And if they don't want to sell...... well, that's where you -- and preferably your generals -- come in."
[effect]@@NAME@@'s largest corporations are feared throughout the region for their unique style of "hostile takeover"
[option]"Thy premise is false," quoth @@RANDOMNAME@@, chairperson of the Troglodyte Coalition. "We need progress not! The system we have now works passing well, no? Methinks we need not these 'science' and 'mathematics' courses; 'twould be far better if the children were apprenticed, and came to learn their trade the earlier. Now, if thou wilt excuse me, I must away to the joust for the demonstration of knightly prowess!"
[effect]schools have been abolished and all children are apprenticed at age eight
Comments? The titles and [effect] clauses, especially, are iffy and amorphous in my mind.