NationStates Jolt Archive

I had this idea for treeing off the monorail issue, any suggestions?
Validity: Valid for nations that opted to install a monorail system in the monorail issue.

Description: Spokespeople for Vroom-a-Zoom-Zoom Technologies have reported that their monorail tracks are corroding and need repairs.

[option]"We need to fix these tracks, and fast," warns VAZZ engineer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If the problem goes unfixed, we could lose all monorail transportation, or, worse, have the corrosion cause an accident. All we need is some government funding, lots of it!"
[effect]workers are routinely electrocuted while attempting to fix monorail tracks
[stats]taxes up a bit, public transportation funding up, happiness up a bit, auto manufacturing down, information technology up a bit (for computers on the monorails)

[option]"This corrosion is the greatest thing since the invention of the V-12 engine," whispers @@RANDOMNAME@@, spokesperson of @@NAME@@ Automobile Corporation. "Just let the tracks fall away, and build some more superhighways instead. No one ever used the monorails anyhow - at least none of my customers did."
[effect]forests are destroyed as a network of superhighways crisscrosses the nation
[stats]taxes up a bit, auto manufacturing up, happiness down a bit (?), public transportation funding down a little (?)

[option]"Whoa, I know!" calls @@RANDOMNAME@@, an R&D officer of Zoom-a-Vroom-Vroom Technologies. "Let's tear up the monorail tracks and replace them with an even faster high-speed train network. We can have all sorts of nifty trains, even those neat-o magnetic tracks! All we need is lots and lots and lots and lots of government funding, and our trains will be the crown of the region. At the expense of auto workers, but who ever needed those laborers?"
[effect]livestock are killed by getting in the way of bullet trains
[stats]taxes way up, public transportation funding up, happiness up, auto manufacturing way down, IT industry up a little

[option]"Spending, spending, spending," scoffs noted libertarian @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Who needs all these taxes? Let's just abandon the monorail, and let private companies handle it. It might cost a little more to use, but most citizens will appreciate not having the government manage their money."
[effect]@@ANIMAL@@s are seen in a strange shade of green from exposure to corroded monorail tracks
[stats]taxes way down, public transportation funding down, auto manufacturing up

Meh... I usually just leave the stats. Let the issue editor deal with those

A few minor comments...

1.[effect]livestock are killed by getting in the way of bullet trains would be better as "livestock are frequently killed by getting in the way of bullet trains"
2.
@@ANIMAL@@s are seen in a strange shade of green from exposure to corroded monorail tracks I think this can be worded better. Perhaps one of these.

"@@ANIMAL@@s are seen frequently munching on disused monorail lines"
"@@ANIMAL@@s are now the best source of <insert Heavy Metal here> from grazing around dis-used Monorail lines"
" there are widespread reports of wild @@ANIMAL@@ populations turning a weird shade of green from dis-used monorail lines"

3.
Whoa, I know!" calls @@RANDOMNAME@@, an R&D officer of Zoom-a-Vroom-Vroom Technologies. "Let's tear up the monorail tracks... I just don't think "Whoa, I know!" get's the message that you want it to get across. Perhaps "Hang on, let's not be hasty with this talk of Cars. I have a cool new idea." as an alternative. Perhaps something else but yeah. Woah. I know!" just does not seem to fit

4..
I also noticed also a few of your effects say things like "forests are destroyed" or "livestock are getting killed" but nothing regarding those in your stats. One part of the reason why I leave my stats up to the editor :p

OK, here's my newest draft.

Validity: Valid for nations that opted to install a monorail system in the monorail issue.

Description: Spokespeople for Vroom-a-Zoom-Zoom Technologies have reported that their monorail tracks are corroding and need repairs.

[option]"We need to fix these tracks, and fast," warns VAZZ engineer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If the problem goes unfixed, we could lose all monorail transportation, or, worse, have the corrosion cause an accident. All we need is some government funding, lots of it!"
[effect]workers are routinely electrocuted while attempting to fix monorail tracks
[stats]taxes up a bit, public transportation funding up, happiness up a bit, auto manufacturing down, information technology up a bit (for computers on the monorails)

[option]"This corrosion is the greatest thing since the invention of the V-12 engine," whispers @@RANDOMNAME@@, spokesperson of @@NAME@@ Automobile Corporation. "Just let the tracks fall away, and build some more superhighways instead. No one ever used the monorails anyhow - at least none of my customers did."
[effect]forests are destroyed as a network of superhighways crisscrosses the nation
[stats]taxes up a bit, auto manufacturing up, happiness down a bit (?), public transportation funding down a little (?)

[option]"Hey, what's with all this talk about cars?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, an R&D officer of Zoom-a-Vroom-Vroom Technologies. "Let's tear up the monorail tracks and replace them with an even faster high-speed train network. We can have all sorts of nifty trains, even those neat-o magnetic tracks! All we need is lots and lots and lots and lots of government funding, and our trains will be the crown of the region. At the expense of auto workers, but who ever needed those petty laborers?"
[effect]livestock are frequently killed by getting in the way of bullet trains
[stats]taxes way up, public transportation funding up, happiness up, auto manufacturing way down, IT industry up a little

[option]"Spending, spending, spending," scoffs noted libertarian @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Who needs all these taxes? Let's just abandon the monorail, and let private companies handle it. It might cost a little more to use, but most citizens will appreciate not having the government manage their money."
[effect]@@ANIMALS@@ die from lead poisoning as disused monorail lines contaminate the water
[stats]taxes way down, public transportation funding down, auto manufacturing up