Ice Hockey Players
15-09-2006, 16:12
A recent study of elementary schools shows that the average class size in a typical @@NAME@@ elementary school is fifty students, and the numbers only get worse as kids get older. As a result, @@NAME@@ schoolkids have a reputation for being unruly, inattentive, and just plain dumb. Everyone from teachers to parents to school janitors have come up with some kind of solution to the problem.
The Debate
1. "I just can't do it all myself," gasps an exhausted @@RANDOMNAME@@ after another long day of teaching. "There are way too many kids in my classroom, and just how am I expected to pay attention to all of them? There are only so many hours in the day. What we need to do is to encourage people to become teachers and encourage school districts to take on more teachers. We need at least twice as many, if not more. We need to offer comprehensive benefits, a higher salary, and free continuing education to anyone who becomes a teacher. It's either that or we have a teacher shortage, because at this rate, I'll be forced into early retirement."
[effect]schools are taking on an influx of brand new, well-paid teachers
2. "We can't afford this!" insists @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Education. "But I'll tell you who can - those big corporations! Why, if we just give them some standards to go on, they'll turn profitable schools in no time! Sure, poor folks won't be able to send their kids without some stroke of luck or selling teeth, but most kids will be better off for it. All we ask from these big companies is to teach kids how to read, write, do math, and be competent workers, and they can do whatever they please beyond that!"
[effect]schoolkids learn reading, writing, arithmetic, and how great Fizzblarg Soda is in school
3. "Ypu want ot cut down class size? You're going about this the wrong way!" chimes in @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Whizbangers and Things, Inc. "Rather than increase the number of teachers, let's decrease the number of students! When a kid is school-age, they start taking tests, and the top, say, quarter of the students get to go to school. Everyone who misses the cut can come work for me. That or go join the military, whichever. All those bright kids who just missed the cut? Well, we need managers and the military needs officers, so they can be bred for that."
[effect]parents drill knowledge into their kids in hopes of getting them into the highly-competitive school systems
4. "Aye, my good leader, thou art going about this in the wrong way," you hear from the lips of an older Amish gentleman. "Not to say I never had any schooling, but I never went to one of those big state schools. My Mama and Papa taught me everything they know. If we just cut taxes for people who school their children at home, more parents will do that, and the problem is solved. And as long as the children come out able to read, write, handle money, and build a barn, there's no need to pin the parents down to some standard. Those things just get in the way."
[effect]parents enjoy a tax cut for schooling kids at home
5. "I fail to see how big class sizes are a problem," argues @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Law and Order. "What's the problem? The problem is these hooligans that cause trouble. I don't have a problem sending in police and metal detectors to schools to get these kids to sit down and pay attention. So what if there's a hundred kids in a classroom and all the teacher can do is lecture? It's as good a time as any to learn how to take notes for that big test at the end of the semester. And for those who don't? They can learn to read and write from behind bars."
[effect]misbehaving schoolkids take up the majority of jail cells
The Debate
1. "I just can't do it all myself," gasps an exhausted @@RANDOMNAME@@ after another long day of teaching. "There are way too many kids in my classroom, and just how am I expected to pay attention to all of them? There are only so many hours in the day. What we need to do is to encourage people to become teachers and encourage school districts to take on more teachers. We need at least twice as many, if not more. We need to offer comprehensive benefits, a higher salary, and free continuing education to anyone who becomes a teacher. It's either that or we have a teacher shortage, because at this rate, I'll be forced into early retirement."
[effect]schools are taking on an influx of brand new, well-paid teachers
2. "We can't afford this!" insists @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Education. "But I'll tell you who can - those big corporations! Why, if we just give them some standards to go on, they'll turn profitable schools in no time! Sure, poor folks won't be able to send their kids without some stroke of luck or selling teeth, but most kids will be better off for it. All we ask from these big companies is to teach kids how to read, write, do math, and be competent workers, and they can do whatever they please beyond that!"
[effect]schoolkids learn reading, writing, arithmetic, and how great Fizzblarg Soda is in school
3. "Ypu want ot cut down class size? You're going about this the wrong way!" chimes in @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Whizbangers and Things, Inc. "Rather than increase the number of teachers, let's decrease the number of students! When a kid is school-age, they start taking tests, and the top, say, quarter of the students get to go to school. Everyone who misses the cut can come work for me. That or go join the military, whichever. All those bright kids who just missed the cut? Well, we need managers and the military needs officers, so they can be bred for that."
[effect]parents drill knowledge into their kids in hopes of getting them into the highly-competitive school systems
4. "Aye, my good leader, thou art going about this in the wrong way," you hear from the lips of an older Amish gentleman. "Not to say I never had any schooling, but I never went to one of those big state schools. My Mama and Papa taught me everything they know. If we just cut taxes for people who school their children at home, more parents will do that, and the problem is solved. And as long as the children come out able to read, write, handle money, and build a barn, there's no need to pin the parents down to some standard. Those things just get in the way."
[effect]parents enjoy a tax cut for schooling kids at home
5. "I fail to see how big class sizes are a problem," argues @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Law and Order. "What's the problem? The problem is these hooligans that cause trouble. I don't have a problem sending in police and metal detectors to schools to get these kids to sit down and pay attention. So what if there's a hundred kids in a classroom and all the teacher can do is lecture? It's as good a time as any to learn how to take notes for that big test at the end of the semester. And for those who don't? They can learn to read and write from behind bars."
[effect]misbehaving schoolkids take up the majority of jail cells