Ice Hockey Players
15-07-2006, 20:24
A shocking report in the popular magazine "Trends And Stuff" highlights what many people have begun to fear - parents all over @@NAME@@ are saddling their kids with highly unusual names. Some traditionalists want a stop put to this practice, even if the government has to step in.
The Debate
1. "These are not dignified children's names!" shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, a prominent community member and religious figure. "Why, just the other day, I heard a neighbor mom calling for her children, and what were those poor children's names? Pineapple Amadeus and Tomato Raider! I can't imagine what those poor kids go through! We need to establish a national registry of baby names, and we need to make people stick to it!"
[effect]parents have to jump through legal hoops just to name their children
2. "They're my kids, and I'll name them whatever I please!" retorts car enthusiast @@RANDOMNAME@@ with kids, Speed Racer and Hot Rod, in tow. "Parents name their kids as a reflection of themselves. I happen to know that my kids are the coolest kids in school! Everyone wants to be like Speed and Hot Rod! The government needs to back out of what I want to name my kids!"
[effect]the most popular baby names include Rocketman and Super@@ANIMAL@@
3. "If you regulate baby names, you're taking away a major source of revenue for us," says business magnate @@RANDOMNAME@@ into your ear quietly. "We've quietly been offering parents small fees to name their kids after our company and products. It's a great form of advertising. It's kind of expensive, though, and if the government would be kind enough to give these parents some tax breaks for this practice, it would really help us out. It's for the economy, after all."
[effect]parents start college funds by selling their kids' names to the highest bidder
4. "Names...why bother, seriously?" chimes in a citizen whose name you didn't get. "As you can see in this great work of ideological fiction I wrote, all citizens here go by colors, shapes, and numbers as names. All these made-up monikers just serve to create ethnic divides and force parental ideals on their kids. I legally changed my name to Red Square 1198574, and everyone else needs to do likewise!"
[effect]the most prominent business leader is named Blue Circle 7853196
The Debate
1. "These are not dignified children's names!" shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, a prominent community member and religious figure. "Why, just the other day, I heard a neighbor mom calling for her children, and what were those poor children's names? Pineapple Amadeus and Tomato Raider! I can't imagine what those poor kids go through! We need to establish a national registry of baby names, and we need to make people stick to it!"
[effect]parents have to jump through legal hoops just to name their children
2. "They're my kids, and I'll name them whatever I please!" retorts car enthusiast @@RANDOMNAME@@ with kids, Speed Racer and Hot Rod, in tow. "Parents name their kids as a reflection of themselves. I happen to know that my kids are the coolest kids in school! Everyone wants to be like Speed and Hot Rod! The government needs to back out of what I want to name my kids!"
[effect]the most popular baby names include Rocketman and Super@@ANIMAL@@
3. "If you regulate baby names, you're taking away a major source of revenue for us," says business magnate @@RANDOMNAME@@ into your ear quietly. "We've quietly been offering parents small fees to name their kids after our company and products. It's a great form of advertising. It's kind of expensive, though, and if the government would be kind enough to give these parents some tax breaks for this practice, it would really help us out. It's for the economy, after all."
[effect]parents start college funds by selling their kids' names to the highest bidder
4. "Names...why bother, seriously?" chimes in a citizen whose name you didn't get. "As you can see in this great work of ideological fiction I wrote, all citizens here go by colors, shapes, and numbers as names. All these made-up monikers just serve to create ethnic divides and force parental ideals on their kids. I legally changed my name to Red Square 1198574, and everyone else needs to do likewise!"
[effect]the most prominent business leader is named Blue Circle 7853196