NationStates Jolt Archive

I really had no clue where I was supposed to post this, but I thought this was the most likely place.
Please excuse me if I have made some sort of horrible mistake...
I wanted to make an issue, however it is my first time making one, so I was wondering if anyone, after reading it, could give me some feedback.
What should I change, Anything I should keep? Craptastic idea? Over-done idea? Pick up on typos...
Anything...
Also, before you read, I know it is very badly written...I had it all planned out in my head, then the second I sit down to write it... *Poof* all my ideas go out the window. Also, I don't really know what to put for stats, or what nation would/wouldn't be valid for this issue.
But anyways:

Title: Celebrity Capers Cause Commotion
Description: Some concerned citizens have lately noticed that celebrities seem to have immunity to arrest. In every other magazine, rock groups flaunt drug use, not to mention sever animal cruelty & actors go on benders, damaging property without paying. Should this be allowed to continue?
Validity: Not valid for nations with high social equity
Options:
[option]""This is getting out of hand" says shrill social equity promoter,@@RANDOMNAME@@. "Just last week my son was run over by celebrity @@RANDOMNAME@@, while she was under the influence of marijuana. But do we see her in court? Or facing drug charges? No. I propose that celebrities have to face exactly the same charges as everyone else." "
[effect]"'Celebrities tours' are often offered to visitors to @@NAME@@ penitentiary"
[stats]Social equity increases

[option]Rock sensation, @@RANDOMNAME@@ disagrees with this completly. "We're famous! We should be allowed certain...Liberties" He says, stubbing his cigar out on your knee. "I mean, we give the 'little people' something to live for! Our bad behavior is their entertainment. We're always in the publics eye, & how can I show off my rugged good looks from some jail cell?" "
[effect]"Celebrities run wild"
[stats]Social equity decreases, law decreases

[option]" "It's precisely that they are in the publics eye that celebrities should be punished more, not less!" Squarks grandmother of 20, @@RANDOMNAME@@. They should get much harsher sentences than your average joe. After all, they should be setting a good example." "
[effect]"Celebrities are leaving the country in droves
[stats] Social equity decreases, law & order increases.

Title: Celebrity Capers Cause Commotion
Description: Some concerned citizens have lately noticed that celebrities seem to have immunity to arrest. In every other magazine, rock groups flaunt drug use, not to mention sever animal cruelty & actors go on benders, damaging property without paying. Should this be allowed to continue?
Validity: Not valid for nations with high social equity
Options:
[option]""This is getting out of hand" says shrill social equity promoter,@@RANDOMNAME@@. "Just last week my son was run over by celebrity @@RANDOMNAME@@, while she was under the influence of marijuana. But do we see her in court? Or facing drug charges? No. I propose that celebrities have to face exactly the same charges as everyone else." "
[effect]"'Celebrities tours' are often offered to visitors to @@NAME@@ penitentiary"
[stats]Social equity increases

[option]Rock sensation, @@RANDOMNAME@@ disagrees with this completly. "We're famous! We should be allowed certain...Liberties" He says, stubbing his cigar out on your knee. "I mean, we give the 'little people' something to live for! Our bad behavior is their entertainment. We're always in the publics eye, & how can I show off my rugged good looks from some jail cell?" "
[effect]"Celebrities run wild"
[stats]Social equity decreases, law decreases

[option]" "It's precisely that they are in the publics eye that celebrities should be punished more, not less!" Squarks grandmother of 20, @@RANDOMNAME@@. They should get much harsher sentences than your average joe. After all, they should be setting a good example." "
[effect]"Celebrities are leaving the country in droves
[stats] Social equity decreases, law & order increases.
Could also be valid for nations with no crime.

In the description, instead of '& actors go on benders', try 'while actors go on benders'.

You don't need speechmarks around the options, or the effects. Also, don't use capital letters to start options.

Option 2: 'completely', not 'completly'; 'liberties', not 'Liberties'; 'public eye', not 'publics eye'; 'and', not '&'. Also, after the speechmarks, it should be a comma, followed by lower case: '...liberties", he...', rather than '...liberties" He...

The effect for option 2 could be changed to something like: the police are powerless to prevent celebrities from breaking the law.

Option 3: 'public eye' again; 'squawks', not 'Squarks'; and you missed the speechmark at the start of 'They should get...'

As for more stats - option 1 could have crime increases, tax increases; option 3 could also have crime and tax increases.'

You have to change all the 'he's' and 'rugged looks' to have it applicable to both genders. Otherwise you end up with "Violet W. Bush likes his politics' or whatever.