NationStates Jolt Archive

this is an Idea somebodies probobly already done, but I figure it was worth the try:

title: Advertisment Industry: eating us alive!

description: Groups of now poor citizens have gathered in front of the @@nationname@@ governmental HQ in complaint of the abundance of Child aimed ads.

validity: valid for all nations

[option]"These ads have BRAINWASHED our children into demanding that we spend hundreds upon hundreds of dollars a week buying cheap toys that were made in sweatshops, only for them to stop playing with it the next day because of the 'next big thing'" shouts @@randomname@@ who at one time ran a very successful @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@, "we should ban advertisements nationwide!"
[effect]television, and newspapers increase the amount of 'garbage' in reports to fill the empty spaces
[stats] economy down, happiness up, major industry down

[option]"Leave the advertisments alone!" shouts @@randomname@@ a big head honcho for the @@nationname@@ television programming companies "It's not the fact that the advertisements are BAD for people, oh no, its....... uh......." A man in a military uniform walks up and whispers in his ear. "It's just that kids these days are weak! And need military training!"
[effect]children as young as 2 have been enrolled in some sort of military training
[stats]taxes up, education down

[option]"THAT'S JUST STUPID!" shouts local newspaper owner @@randomname@@. "Don't remove advertisments from the newspaper, just from television! This way, the kids have to be able to read to be exposed to advertisments properly, and they won't be all flashy and subliminal"
[effect]newspaper industries explode and television ratings drop incredibly
[stats]Wood chipping industry increases, economy increases, environment decreases, happiness increases, education funding increases, taxes increase

[option]"Why do anything about it at all?" says bah-humbugger @randomname@@. "why do anything about it? It'll just comeback up in a few years anyways."
[effect] childrens spend more time watching television, adults spending on cheap toys increases
[stats]happiness up, economy up, education down.

The effect for option 3 should be shortened to: newspapers are now covered in advertisiments.

Quick points: there shouldn't be any capital letters in effects, and macros (the bits in @'s) should be in all capitals - like this @@RANDOMNAME@@
Description: You put 'infront' instead of 'in front'.
Option 1, you misspelled 'upon' and 'business'. Nationwide is one word. Also, I don't think you can have @@RANDOMBUSINESS@@, it would have to be @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@, or specify a business yourself. There should be a comma after 'greatest new thing'...actually, change 'greatest new thing' to 'next big thing' - more clichéd :p
The effect doesn't have to have '...and people are generally richer', that could easily be left out.
Possible stats for option 1: economy down, happiness up, major industry down (maybe - if you use @@MAORINDUSTRY@@)
Option 2: Advertisements doesn't need a capital A; there should be a full stop after '...whispers in his ear'; the final sentence (and need military training!) should have a capital A for 'and'
Possible stats: taxes up (to cover the extra military spending), education down.
Option 3: THATS needs an apostrophe; full stop after @@RANDOMNAME@@; 'this' (this way,...) needs a capital T; 'flashy, and subliminal' doesn't need the comma.
The effect could be rewritten something along the lines of: 'the newspaper industry is growing rapidly, while television ratings are dropping like a stone'.
Possible stats: Wood chipping industry increases, economy increases, environment decreases, happiness increases, education funding increases, taxes increase.
Option 4:@@RANDOMNAME@@ needs a full stop after it; 'it'll' needs a capital I; should be a full stop after 'anyways'.
Possible stats: happiness up, economy up, education down.

Sorry for all the grammar and spelling corrections, but the editors prefer issues with proper grammar and spelling...

the effects are not the stats, they're the description that appears on the nation page. They should be one phrase with no commas.

*salutes* wow, thanks guys, you've been a big help (this is my first issue, so I don't kjnow exaclty how things work or should be typed just yet)

any other things I should probobly change? or that I missed?

Naslt']*salutes* wow, thanks guys, you've been a big help (this is my first issue, so I don't kjnow exaclty how things work or should be typed just yet)

any other things I should probobly change? or that I missed?

In option 1 'dollars' should be changed to @@CURRENCY@@s.

All '@@nationame@@'s should be changed to @@NAME@@.

One more thing - you have to have a population of 500 million before you can submit an issue...

Nitpicky comments:
Naslt']

[option]"THAT'S JUST STUPID!" shouts local newspaper owner @@randomname@@. "Don't remove advertisments from the newspaper, just from television! This way, the kids have to be able to read to be exposed to advertisments properly, and they won't be all flashy and subliminal"
[effect]newspaper industries explode and television ratings drop incredibly

It should be "have exploded" and "have dropped" so it's present participle.


[option]"Why do anything about it at all?" says bah-humbugger @randomname@@. "why do anything about it? It'll just comeback up in a few years anyways."Space between "come" and "back".

[effect] childrens spend more time watching television, adults spending on cheap toys increases
How about "children are frequently left in front of the television while adults go shopping for the latest @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ gizmo" to keep it w/o commas and look better?

<snip> How about "children are frequently left in front of the television while adults go shopping for the latest @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ gizmo" to keep it w/o commas and look better?

What about if your major industry is Door-to-Door Insurance Sales, Trout Fishing etc?

What about if your major industry is Door-to-Door Insurance Sales, Trout Fishing etc?
That could be funny as it is. Or it could be:

children are left in front of the television while their parents go out to buy 5- @@CURRENCY@@ @@ANIMAL@@ action figures that squeak "@@SLOGAN@@" every five minutes

I guess some of that should probably be trimmed.

That could be funny as it is. Or it could be:

children are left in front of the television while their parents go out to buy 5- @@CURRENCY@@ @@ANIMAL@@ action figures that squeak "@@SLOGAN@@" every five minutes

I guess some of that should probably be trimmed.

You could trim it to:

children left in front of televisions while parents buy 5- @@CURRENCY@@ @@ANIMAL@@ action figures that sqeak "@@SLOGAN@@