NationStates Jolt Archive

Critiques, please.

Student Taken Captive

While visiting nearby Boll United for academic purposes, a @@NAME@@ student, @@RANDOMNAME@@, was taken captive by the foreign government. The story has yet to be picked up by the newspapers, but the student's parent and only living relation is loudly demanding that something be done.

Validity: Not valid in nations with no army.

[option]
"We are only taking precautions to protect the interests of the people," calmly explains the Boll United Minister for the Reduction of Espionage @@RANDOMNAME@@, "This college student is not above the law of any other person in our nation. Let us take care of our own matters, and we will let you take care of yours."
[effect]
foreign nations look down upon @@NAME@@
[stats]
Diplomatic relations decrease. Patriotism decreases.

[option]
Inconsolable parent @@RANDOMNAME@@ gives you their saddest puppydog eyes and cries, "Bring me my baby back!" and falls grovelling at your feet. Seventeen-star General @@RANDOMNAME@@, in the room at the time, looks at you solemnly and nods.
[effect]
the military is called in to resolve any and all international dispute
[stats]
Patriotism increases. Taxes increase slightly. Defense increases slightly.

[option]
"Oh come on!" one of your closest aides, @@RANDOMNAME@@, loudly sighs, "Everyone knows that you have to solve these issues diplomatically! DU-UUH!"
[effect]
the government is sometimes chastised for taking non-reactionary stances on issues
[stats]
NOTHING ;)

[option]
"Psst," whispers Sam, your creepy former roommate, "You know, none of those options look very good to me. You know... what I would do: I would cover this whole thing up." He pauses to glance twice over each shoulder. "I mean, who even has to know this incident ever even occured?"
[effect]difficult diplomatic issues are kept hush-hush
[stats]Government size increases drastically. Police force increases.

The [option] text seems too short for me for most of the issues. They just propose solutions without making any arguement for their position, which does not make a good debate. For option 2, I would think that if a nation is involving itself in "any and all" international disputes, it's taxes and especially defense would increase alot, not just slightly. For option 4, the government covering up stuff would probably lead to a decrease in civil rights. Also in option 4, you mention a name in particular (Sam), when using @@RANDOMNAME@@ would work just as well. For stats, usually there is a good aspect and a bad aspect, if the option does nothing, then it shouldn't be in there.

I would change the nation's name to one that doesn't exist, or one that was deleted a long time ago, because if the issue is implimented, you are guaranteed to get it, and it would look strange to have your own "foreign government" nation capturing your own citizen. Better yet, reword the issue so that it never mentions the "foreign government" name.

Work on formatting a little bit. It should have the text on the same line as [option] when it's submitted. There's a sticky on how to write an issue properly. There are other things I would personally change, but I think I mentioned most of the things I thought were important.