NationStates Jolt Archive

I posted about 20 issues I wrote earlier to see what people thought, but there were no responses, so I'll try just 3 and see how people like em. All criticism, positive or negative, is welcome, as long as it's constructive.

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Cartoons too violent?

Faith-based groups are outraged by the violence and immorality of cartoons, particularly "Fat Yakov", which is based on a murderous rabbi with a potato gun.


[option] "These cartoons have really gone too far," says @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the group "Concerned Citizens for Morality in @@NAME@@". "We have "King Dong" the alcoholic, wife-beating gorilla, a murderous rabbi, and now a child-molesting purple dinosaur!? Good Lord, what kind of examples are these programs setting for our youth!? Ban these horrible cartoons, and make sure all our kids see are positive shows with a message of responsibility."
[effect] a ban has been placed on violent and immoral cartoons
[stats] civil rights decrease, rebellious youth decrease, devoutness increases


[option] "Now, we all know that restrictions can't be placed on things simply because we don't agree with their morality. A free society is able to tolerate even those mediums which it disagrees with," preaches libertarian advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The government has no place saying what our children can or can not view, that is up to parents."
[effect] a hands-off approach has been taken regarding censorship of children's programs
[stats] civil rights increase, rebellious youth increase, crime increases, government size decreases


[option] "Here, here!" agrees @@NAME@@ Broadcasting Corporation chairman @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Our ratings have never been so high sinced we introduced these "edgier" cartoons. In fact, we could use some government funding in the creation of our new series "Albert the Axe-Murdering Hypnotist". The kids can tune in and receive a "special message" every week if they wear their special 3-D glasses; it's wicked fun!"
[effect] a violent cartoon has hypnotized many of the nation's children into committing horrific axe-murders
[stats] civil rights increase, business subsidizing increases, economy improves, crime increases, safety decreases, rebellious youth increase


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Debacle over government official caught on tape

Commerce secretary Pepe Sanchez was recently caught on tape this week while simultaneously smoking crack, consorting with a prostitute, and accepting a bribe. Several groups are calling for his resignation.

[option] "We can not allow this evil and corrupt man to continue in his position," demands newspaper editor @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Governments which serve the people must be held accountable, and this man has obviously broken our trust in him. We the people demand our voice be heard and acted on."
[effect] government officials are strictly held accountable for their actions
[stats] government size decreases, political freedoms increase, corruption decreases, economy decreases


[option] "Hey, hey, not so fast, amigo," says Pepe. "Boss, you know I run this economy well. What's more important, competent officials with a couple harmless vices, or incompetent gringo moralists always looking for a reason to place a ban on this or that? So a few oil barons greased me down a little...it's grease that keeps the machine running smoothly! Can we bring in some bulldozers to clear out these obnoxious protesters and get them off my back now?"
[effect] government officials commonly flaunt their corruption in front of the powerless masses
[stats] political freedoms decrease, corruption severely increases, government size increases, economy improves


[option] "Hey, hold up now!" shouts a paranoid, naked man through white, cracked lips. "If big gov'ment guys can hit the rock, why y'all gots to be arrestin me fo it? I may be a naked, crack smoking pedophile, but I got rights too! Get "The Man" off mah back and lemme hit the rock in peace. Y'all can take down d'black market and make it a gov'ment monop'ly. By the way, you got two fitty? I need change for....the bus, yeah, the bus!"
[effect] crack has been legalized and its sale is now a government-run monopoly
[stats] rich-poor gap increases, crime decreases, civil rights increase, economy increases, government size increases, health severely decreases, intelligence decreases

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Slavery in @@NAME@@?

Several wealthy farmers have recently petitioned the government to open routes for a slave trade to allow a legalized institution of slavery.

[option] "Ah say, ah say, listen heeya, boowa," begins cock-strutting plantation owner @@RANDOMNAME@@, "us big time fahmas are sufferin', ah say sufferin', under the weight of havin' to pay these heeya fahm hands. Ah say, ah say, let us bring back full time slav'ry and ah'll be makin sho' we make it worth yaw while," concludes the farmer as he winks at you before punching himself in the groin.
[effect] large plantations prosper as dixie whistlin' slaves work their fields
[stats] corruption increases, income equality increases, rich-poor divide increases, economy improves, agricultural sector improves

[option] "This is a despicable suggestion!" exclaims retired guano salesman Frank Stallone. "The poor have had enough of their dignity stolen already. How can our country move forward into the future by reinstituting an evil practice of the past? Instead of bowing to these filthy rich farmers, how about upping the tax on them to fund some minimal health care for those on the bottom rung of our society?"
[effect] fields run fallow as farmers pay heavy taxes
[stats] rich-poor divide lessens, income equality increases, health increases, taxes increase, agricultural sector worsens, economy worsens


[option] "Yo, I likes me a difr'nt kinda slave altogetha," adds Horshack Washington as he runs an afro pick through his hair. "I got me a monkey boy I call "Sechshul Choc'late" right? I like slappin' him 'round and otha nasty thangs I gon' keep on the down low. Problem is, ev'ry time I walkin on the street wit him on a leash, da po-lice be gettin all up in mah bid'ness. Legalize sechshul slaves, whatchu say?"
[effect] men walking with black rubber suit-wearing gimps on leashes have become a common sight
[stats] civil rights increase, health decreases




__________________
Gimme yer thoughts. |

These all appear to be a bit too explicit. i think they have an etiquette FAQ and you violated quite a few. As for the last option in the third issue, wasn't that covered in Issue #50: Whips, Chains, and Leather, oh my!. Also, didn't slavery bring stagnation and weakness to economies. Why does this increase the power of the economy as a whole?

| I wanted to throw this one in, too. |
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Inner cities in chaos

Not valid for nations with low crime rate, low rich-poor divides, or no military

Several of @@NAME@@'s cities have erupted into a full-scale riots after reported incidents of police brutality.


[option] "We takin' back the streets!" shouts an enraged midget while breaking a store window. "These pigs been abusin us too long, we ain't takin' it no mo'! You gotsta put a leash on dat police department and disarm dem goons, or we'll shut this city DOWN, spread to message to other cities, and you can kiss dat precious economy g'bye!"
[effect] police officers have become little more than fodder for wedgies and ridicule
[stats] police force decreases, crime increases, political freedoms increase, safety decreases, rich-poor divide lessens, income equality increases


[option] "Hah, don't make me laugh," chuckles police lieutenant Seymour Swineberg. "If our slums weren't so filled with crime, we wouldn't need to resort to "extreme measures" in the first place. All we need is a few more officers and more equipment on the riot squad. The only way to deal with these punks is with the end of a nightstick. Let us crack some skulls and we'll get our inner cities and their businesses running smoothly in no time."
[effect] a riot sparked by police brutality was recently quelled with....police brutality
[stats] police ratio increases, taxes increase, crime decreases, political freedoms decrease, economy improves, extremeness increases


[option] "Our police department will be insufficient to handle this crisis," speculates army chief of staff Spanky McHorsewich. "Let us impose martial law on our cities, and use our military might to seek and destroy these brigands. If we take the gloves off and fight these criminals with no mercy, crime itself will die with them. Sure, a few homes and stores might get destroyed, and a few innocents killed, but that's the price of clearing our streets!"
[effect] rioters lie dead under tons of rubble after the army imposed martial law
[stats] military increases, crime decreases severely, extremeness increases severely, political freedoms decrease, economy worsens, safety decreases, health decreases


[option] "I say let these underprivileged, oppressed heroes do what they will," suggests activist college professor @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Can you blame these poor, downtrodden victims for standing up and saying 'We won't take it anymore'?" It's no wonder so many have to resort to crime in our society of greed. I say we adopt policies to return power and prosperity to these angered masses, and end the monopoly of corporate gluttons and untamed police power."
[effect] syndicates of "oppressed" criminals dominate seats of power in government and high business
[stats] crime increases substantially, rich-poor gap decreases substantially, political freedoms increase, liberalism increases, economy worsens, police force decreases, income equality increases

Slavery would (theoretically) improve the economy, particularly the agricultural sector, because after purchase, manpower costs go to zero, due to no salary. Gross profit remains the same, costs go down, therefore net profit goes up, meaning more money for farmers.

I view them as funny, rather than explicit, but I guess they're a bit edgy what with the general PG rating of NS. I did go out of my way to post what I considered as my more adult issues, though I thought I'd at least get a few laughs. Guess not.

About that "Whips, chains, oh my!" issue, or whatever it's called, I've never got it, so I can't really comment (Instead, I get "Cancer sufferer demands euthanasia bill" or whatever it's called about 250 times). It'd be a shame, as it is with a lot of other issues. A lot of poorly written, boring issues have been accepted covering various topics, which then eliminates the future possibility of writing an issue on that topic, even if that second writing is much more imaginative and well written. If it were up to me, and I saw a previously covered issue come up, I'd assess whether the newly conceived issue is noticably funnier and more well conceived than the original and, if so, replace the old with the new.

Why would manpower be free? You couldn't exactly starve your slaves to death or leave them without a shelter. I am also irritated that the moderators refuse to edit issues. And thank you for not putting in so many issues this time.

Why would manpower be free? You couldn't exactly starve your slaves to death or leave them without a shelter. I am also irritated that the moderators refuse to edit issues. And thank you for not putting in so many issues this time.

Free in terms of wages. Obviously, bare-minimum style housing and provisions would cost something, but not nearly so much as salaried employees. People would have never had slaves if it were more expensive to employ them as opposed to regular, paid farmhands.

Man, tough crowd. Guess I'm alone in my sense of humor.

Yeah, I sometimes question the acceptance criteria for issues, too. I just got two of the most banal, unimaginative, predictable issues one could imagine ("Military demands increased spending", or whatever, and "Police too Pushy?"), with only two boring, drab options for each on overgeneralized and all inclusive issues. It seems the more run-of-the-mill and unspectacular an issue is, the higher chance it has of acceptance. Very, very few issues are even vaguely imaginative or funny, despite all the claims of a humorous slant on political issues. I'm just bitter from spending the time to write 24 damned well written issues and have them all rejected without hearing a 3 word response on what was wrong with them :P. I understand why most are rejected, being that they don't follow issue submission guidelines or are poorly conceived/laid out, but mine weren't, so it makes me wonder what da dillio.

I liked them

Thanks, I appreciate it. Here's a couple others I wrote:


So you say you want a revolution?


Groups of disaffected, armed immigrants have recently banded together, demanding an end to what they view as the monopolization of power by @@NAME@@'s native citizens, at the threat of violent revolution.


Not valid for nations without armed forces, high civil rights, no privatized industry, or a ban on immigration (if such a thing can exist).


[option]"Down with El Presidente!" shouts beret-wearing revolutionary leader Zi Almaya. "We come this country hoping find better life. All we find discrimination, condescension, no work. We want run country and get rich, too. We no wait no longer, we take to streets and take over @@NAME@@ by force! El Presidente es el Diablo! Viva el Revolucion! VIVA!"
[effect] Gibberish speaking immigrants have seized control of the country
[stats] Political freedoms increase, Civil rights increase, Equality increases, Crime increases

[option]"Did I hear something about needing jobs?" inquires fatcat steel mogul @@RANDOMNAME@@ over the phone. "What a coincidence! I just opened several factories, and I'm in severe need of unskilled, cheap labor. Herd those immigrant chattel this way, and I'll take it from there. Just stay off my back about their wages and any "disciplinary measures" I have to take to protect my profits, ok? Workplace safety is overrated as well, relax it for me a bit and we have a deal. It's a win-win situation!
[effect] @@NAME@@'s poorly lit factories are clogged with low-paid, sickly, heavily bruised immigrants with missing fingers.
[stat] General economy increases, auto manufacturing increases, arms manufacturing increases, government size decreases, public health decreases, inequality increases

[option]"That's about enough of this so-called "revolution"!" rages sanguine-faced Field Marshal @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ army. "We've got some brand-new attack choppers and tanks that say our country is just fine the way it is. If these immigrants can't accept that, they can just learn what it means to mess with @@NAME@@!"
[effect] Immigrants flee in terror from tanks and attack helicopters on @@NAME@@'s streets.
[stats] Civil rights decrease, Political freedoms decrease, Military increases, crime decreases, extremeness increases (for "Most Extreme Nations" stat)

[option] "Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a minute," advises concerned citizen @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Why all the extreme scenarios? You know, we really could stand to be more inclusive to immigrants. Let's open some government positions and mandate our industries to allow qualified newcomers to our country into their higher ranks. That should satisfy these revolutionaries while keeping the essential makeup of @@NAME@@ the same."
[effect]Immigrants are treated with the utmost respect and opportunity
[stat] Civil rights increase, political freedoms increase, government size increases, police force decreases, army decreases, economy decreases


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High court vacancy

The chief justice of @@NAME@@'s high court, Chi-Chi Juarez, was recently beaten to death by a group of disgruntled, alcoholic circus clowns wielding frozen fish. The unfortunate death has left an opening, and it is your job to appoint his successor.

[option] Religious and business lobbyists have pushed for magistrate Leland H. Pennypincher. He is seen as an extreme conservative with strong ties to business interests. Known for his no-nonsense attitude toward crime, Pennypincher has drawn past controversy for his advocacy of crucifixion and unapologetic disregard for civil rights.
[effect] criminals are regularly crucified or impaled on spikes in public areas
[stats] income equality decreases, rich-poor divide increases, civil rights decrease, crime decreases, extremeness increases, economy improves, devoutness increases

[option] Civil rights and women's groups have called for the promotion of Susan Winters, a longstanding high court justice, to chief justice. A staunch supporter of social equality, Winters has traditionally supported consumers' rights, and takes a pro-choice stance on abortion.
She also has a reputation for rewarding vast sums of money to victims in personal litigation against corporations.
[effect] corporations pay billions annually to victims of "accidents" in their businesses
[stats] Civil rights increase, income equality increases, rich-poor divide decreases, economy worsens, devoutness decreases, liberalism increases

[option] Octogenarian Walter Fogey is seen as the most "experienced" justice. His stances are unknown, as he seems to have uttered very little relevant speech in quite some time. "Lemme be chief justice, shunny, I've earned it," mumbles Fogey as he hobbles into your office. "Did I ever tell you about the time I had a pet chimp and I....I...Johnny? Lil' Johnny, izzat you? Where's Uncle Joe....and my lemonade.......fer chrissake, where am I!?!?"
[effect] the High Court's chief justice was recently arrested for impersonating a moose
[stats] crime increases, taxes decrease

[option] A greasy, gold chain wearing man strolls into your office and sits down. "Hey dere, chief, I know dis guy, he'd make a real good judge dere, ey? This guy here is real stand up, he's my sister's friend's cousin. Anyway, my boss and his partners need someone up dere in that court lookin out for em, and if you know what's good for ya, you'll put him in, capeche?" asks the man as he discreetly places an unmarked paper bag under your desk with a wink.
[effect] the nation's court system is a sham controlled by organized crime
[stats] crime increases, economy improves, safety decreases, corruption increases, government size decreases

The Spanish in the revolution issue is pretty bad. And people with spanish-accents don't speak that way.

The Spanish in the revolution issue is pretty bad. And people with spanish-accents don't speak that way.

Like I said, I'm looking for constructive criticism. To label something as "pretty bad" with no specifics makes your analysis worthless. Your ridiculous overgeneralization about the way people with "spanish-accents" speak is equally worthless. Finally, there is no need to put a hyphen between the two words. I'm looking for literary criticism, both positive and negative, not juvenile, irrelevant, baseless nitpicking.

Man, why is it every time I see someone write an issue along the lines of

"title: let's ban alchol
option: "lets ban alhocol" says a guy "it's all stoopid and stuff"
option: "no i like 2 drink, lol" says another guy "stop taking my rites""

and what not, 20 people jump on to say how great of an issue it is, but when I put in a few hilarious, well written ones, all I get is one line responses trying to point out nonexistent errors with remarkably ironic patronization?

that revolution part is prety good

The immigrants in revolt one wasn't too bad, although the last option seems like kind of a cop-out. The extreme scenarios are the hard part, because you can never choose a moderate one, and you always either end up giving out free money or chopping off people's hands, never somewhere in between. So the last option seems too moderate, although if you like it it's fine. I think there's already an issue about a high court vacancy, correct me if I'm wrong.

I LOVED the first one to death! Its the most hilarious thing i've seen all day! I loled in real life!

I am a man who likes non-sequitur humor. i love Family Guy and Robot Chicken, among others. But a man beaten to death by frozen fish. If you toned down the humor some of these could be fine. Remember less is more. Make some snide political jokes don't have hobos wander the street with penguin style weapons.

The immigrants in revolt one wasn't too bad, although the last option seems like kind of a cop-out. The extreme scenarios are the hard part, because you can never choose a moderate one, and you always either end up giving out free money or chopping off people's hands, never somewhere in between. So the last option seems too moderate, although if you like it it's fine. I think there's already an issue about a high court vacancy, correct me if I'm wrong.

Yeah, I feel you. As you can probably tell, I like putting in more extreme, silly options, but I noticed a lot of issues seem to have a compromise. Trying to be at least vaguely realistic, it's also the same way things often happen in real life, with two polarized sides arguing radical and drastically different viewpoints, and a small minority asking for compromise. I've never had the possible similar vacancy issue you mentioned, so I couldn't say if it does or doesn't exist. Ultimately, it doesn't matter, they automatically reject everything I submit for some reason.


I am a man who likes non-sequitur humor. i love Family Guy and Robot Chicken, among others. But a man beaten to death by frozen fish. If you toned down the humor some of these could be fine. Remember less is more. Make some snide political jokes don't have hobos wander the street with penguin style weapons.

Hey, I yam what I yam. I know my style of humor is low-brow, bizarre, and somewhat sophomoric, but within my imagination is a world of verbally abusive Botswanan Pimpmasters, enraged midgets, steroid addicted spider monkeys and what not, so I lend myself to what comes naturally more than Dennis Miller style, obscure, intellectual musings.

Yes but nationstates is a political game. Obscure political musings fit it better than RWandan crack-whores or men beat to death with frozen fish.

Also, Dennis Miller style? And why am I an intoxicated moose?

Originally posted by Aryanis
"title: let's ban alchol
option: "lets ban alhocol" says a guy "it's all stoopid and stuff"
option: "no i like 2 drink, lol" says another guy "stop taking my rites""

Is it absolutely necessary to over simplify and insult my issue? I could do the same to yours. How about:

Title: Let's ban cartoons
option: "Lets ban cartoons," says a guy, "they're all stupid and evil and stuff."
option: "No the government shouldn't intrude," says another guy, "stop taking my rights."

Yes but nationstates is a political game. Obscure political musings fit it better than RWandan crack-whores or men beat to death with frozen fish.

Also, Dennis Miller style? And why am I an intoxicated moose?

Right, it's a political game, and I have political issues. It's supposed to be a humorous slant, so I take seemingly normal issues and push them into the world of the absurd. None of the issues center around the bizarre, they just contain bizarre elements within them. It's cool if that brings disdain rather than laughter to you, and to the mods for that matter, but I'm not gonna change my style because it doesn't fit someone's sense of humor. The game will continue to have boring and drab issues regardless.


Is it absolutely necessary to over simplify and insult my issue? I could do the same to yours. How about:

Title: Let's ban cartoons
option: "Lets ban cartoons," says a guy, "they're all stupid and evil and stuff."
option: "No the government shouldn't intrude," says another guy, "stop taking my rights."?

Whas you tokkin bout, honkey? I was just making something up on the spot, as an example. I was referring in no way to any issue you may have written. You don't speak in the manner I was parodying, and should have realized I know that.