NationStates Jolt Archive

Well, I thought a long time about whether to put it here or not. I'm still a good two months away from being able to submit issues, but this is the first one I came up with, and some feed-back would be nice; still I would hate to see someone else's name under this issue, so if you're capable of submitting and thinking of stealing it (or the idea), please don't. A lot of work went into it. Well, here goes, hope you like it.

Name
Permission To Play Poker?

Description
Following the recent ban on gambling in @@NAME@@, small, but organized, groups of poker players have popped up, gambling away everything they have, from their pay checks to their grandfathers’ golden teeth.

Validity
If gambling is banned

Options
[option]”Let’s just turn the other way, “says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your cousin, while visiting at your home. “Haven’t you ever played a game of poker for more than a box of brownies? You got rid of the major casinos; at least let the people have this small pleasure.”
[effect]the streets and subway stations are clogged with people who sold everything they had to feed their poker addiction
[stats]Happiness increases, Civil Rights increases, Crime increases

[option]”Obviously, these people are breaking the law,” claims chief of police @@RANDOMNAME@@. “If we allow this to continue, no matter how innocent it may seem, people will lose all respect for the laws of this fine country!”
[effect]@@NAME@@’s prisons are filled with people arrested for playing a game of poker
[stats]Happiness decreases, Civil Rights decreases, Crime decreases, Police increases

[option]”Well, yes, these people are breaking the law, and we do need to act upon it,“ states @@RANDOMNAME@@, the head of @@NAME@@’s secret service. “But that’s not enough. We need people everywhere, all the time, to make sure the law is followed. Of course the people don’t need to know about this. Just pretend you spent the money on healthcare or education or something.”
[effect]people regularly disappear from the streets without the slightest clue as to what they have done
[stats]Taxes increases, Civil Rights decreases, Crime greatly decreases, Corruption increases

[option]”Well, if that don’t put the damn in damn, son! “yells former casino owner, now florist, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “You folks here’s talking ‘bout puttin’ these people here into jail, when all they want’s a good game! I think what we needs to do is to put gamblin’ and casinos back into place! If this here’s not proven people wants to be gamblin’ well then shoot me in the head, partner!”
[effect]after a long leave of absence, gambling has been legalized again
[stats]Happiness increases, Economy increases, Crime increases

Hey, this isn't a bad idea. I'd advise dropping the third option though. It's irrelevant. Get your [effect]s shorter and snappier. Try to avoid punctuation and concatenations or 'and's. And keep rejigging the option text until you're satisfied.

Options
You got rid of the mayor casinos;

[/QUOTE]

Check spelling very carefully, mistakes like this probably won't help it get accepted.

Heh, a quick answer, and a good one too! :) Ok, I'll try and put up a revised version tomorrow. I still like the third option though, I don't know what I'll do with it. The original idea (I'll admit it really doesn't show through anymore) was to have an more or less insane head of secret service seize this opportunity to watch the population 'everywhere, all the time' - think 1984's (George Orwell) Thought Police, although somewhat less extreme. I'll try and rephrase it, and if it doesn't work (it's not like this issue is to be submitted anytime soon :( ) it's out. About this 'Thought Police, although somewhat less extreme', I already thought about this... how about (general idea, but would work in this case too) instead of submitting an issue, you submit several at once, built up in a sort of miniature tree-structure? In this case, you could slowly build up a nation effectively controlled by an invisible secret service - by making the 'right' choices throughout several issues (again, own idea I'm kinda proud of, please don't steal). Well, by this point I may be ranting, so I'll conclude with a single question: English is not my first language, and although I like to believe myself pretty proficient, I'll have to ask: what is concatenation?

Options
You got rid of the mayor casinos;

Check spelling very carefully, mistakes like this probably won't help it get accepted.

Thanks... Constructive criticism, it's the best kind! (No sarcasm of any kind meant, just thanks ;) )

I'm not quite sure what you mean by this 'tree' idea. Why not post a more in-depth explanation in the Technical forum?

Spelling isn't the most important thing in an issue, and I wouldn't delete an issue with a good idea even if it had atrocious spelling (excepting 1337 which I can barely read. Anyone submitting an issue in that form probably hasn't got a good idea anyway).

The third option's a nice idea, but it's simply not relevant to the issue at hand. It could be turned into an issue all by itself (with other options to complement it of course) as I'd be able to fix it quite happily myself. Obviously I'd be ecstatic to see an issue with no spelling errors though!

A concatenation is basically allowing everything to run into each other with repetition. A bad descriptor made of concatenations of 'ands' (I see I put 'or ands', my mistake) would be something like "the nation is poorer and the people are sad and the cows have grown wings et cetera et cetera. A good descriptor is something short (or shortish, there are exceptions), and with no punctuation. Take a look at my thread on how to write issues for a more precise explanation.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by this 'tree' idea. Why not post a more in-depth explanation in the Technical forum?

Will do.

The third option's a nice idea, but it's simply not relevant to the issue at hand. It could be turned into an issue all by itself (with other options to complement it of course) as I'd be able to fix it quite happily myself.

Ok, immediately gives me an idea to work with for my next issue too. And I'll try and deliver it without you having to 'fix it'. I simply enjoy making these, you know.


Thnx for the feed-back.

I made a bit of an error there. The 'fix it' comment was supposed to be in regard to spelling. Good luck anyway!