Jagor
22-01-2005, 13:21
After an athlete competing in The @@NAME@@ Annual Sports Festival was found to be taking performance-enhancing drugs, the story has exploded onto the front page of some of @@NAME@@'s more respectable tabloids.
1. "This has to stop!" cries concerned parent @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Drugs in sport only teaches our children that taking drugs is right! What we need is tighter drug laws! And it's not just steroids or cocaine, is it? No! People start abusing painkillers and stuff like that! All drugs should be outlawed, and we should execute the punks who try to deal in them!"
[effects]The government executes anyone found with aspirin on their person
[stats]economy falls
2. "You've got to be kidding me!" says noted sports coach @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Performance-enhancing drugs are what make athletes their best! The government should be selling these drugs to our athletes! Think of the TV ratings when my trainees beat the world record for sprinting!"
[effects]The government distributes performance-enhancing drugs to the country's athletic elite
[stats]economy rises
3. "Dude...like...whoa..." says prisoner @@RANDOMNAME@@, about to go to trial for posession of illegal drugs. "Like...let's make...like...all drugs...like...legal, man! Hey, you know what would be, like...cool? If everyone...like...had to take those...like...'bad' drugs everyone's always...like...worried about, or they get, like...thrown in jail! Just, like, you know...give them out! For like...what's that word...where you don't pay, like, yeah? Whoa...my hands are huge..."
[effects]There are thousands of drug-related fatalities every day and no one cares
[stats]civil rights fall, economy falls
4. "While I disagree with my bong-toting hippie colleague over here," says famed military commander Field Marshal @@RANDOMNAME@@, "Performance-enhancing drugs are just what our nation needs to help it's army! Who would mess with @@NAME@@ if all our soldiers were 200 pound gun-wielding killing machines? Think of it...thousands upon thousands of soldiers, all with biceps the size of your head! We should make these drugs and distribute them freely to the soldiers! Sure, it would harm the economy to just give away these drugs, but anyone who makes fun of us because of it, we can invade!"
[effects]The nation's soldiers kill themselves by taking government-distributed steroids
[stats]economy falls
5. "I think the current drug laws are fine, but we need tighter enforcement," says noted anti-drug activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Performance-enhancing drugs for athletes should be banned, and the police should get more money to enforce tighter bans. That'll fix everything"
[effects]The nation's police have reportedly begun arresting people for singing out of tune due to out-of-control funding
[stats]economy rises, civil rights fall
6. "You know, there is another way..." says your Minister for Other Solutions, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We should start using subliminal messages in films and TV programmes telling people not to take drugs. It could also be used to get the message across for elections..."
[effects]The nation is suspiciously loving of their leaders
[stats]political freedoms fall
1. "This has to stop!" cries concerned parent @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Drugs in sport only teaches our children that taking drugs is right! What we need is tighter drug laws! And it's not just steroids or cocaine, is it? No! People start abusing painkillers and stuff like that! All drugs should be outlawed, and we should execute the punks who try to deal in them!"
[effects]The government executes anyone found with aspirin on their person
[stats]economy falls
2. "You've got to be kidding me!" says noted sports coach @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Performance-enhancing drugs are what make athletes their best! The government should be selling these drugs to our athletes! Think of the TV ratings when my trainees beat the world record for sprinting!"
[effects]The government distributes performance-enhancing drugs to the country's athletic elite
[stats]economy rises
3. "Dude...like...whoa..." says prisoner @@RANDOMNAME@@, about to go to trial for posession of illegal drugs. "Like...let's make...like...all drugs...like...legal, man! Hey, you know what would be, like...cool? If everyone...like...had to take those...like...'bad' drugs everyone's always...like...worried about, or they get, like...thrown in jail! Just, like, you know...give them out! For like...what's that word...where you don't pay, like, yeah? Whoa...my hands are huge..."
[effects]There are thousands of drug-related fatalities every day and no one cares
[stats]civil rights fall, economy falls
4. "While I disagree with my bong-toting hippie colleague over here," says famed military commander Field Marshal @@RANDOMNAME@@, "Performance-enhancing drugs are just what our nation needs to help it's army! Who would mess with @@NAME@@ if all our soldiers were 200 pound gun-wielding killing machines? Think of it...thousands upon thousands of soldiers, all with biceps the size of your head! We should make these drugs and distribute them freely to the soldiers! Sure, it would harm the economy to just give away these drugs, but anyone who makes fun of us because of it, we can invade!"
[effects]The nation's soldiers kill themselves by taking government-distributed steroids
[stats]economy falls
5. "I think the current drug laws are fine, but we need tighter enforcement," says noted anti-drug activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Performance-enhancing drugs for athletes should be banned, and the police should get more money to enforce tighter bans. That'll fix everything"
[effects]The nation's police have reportedly begun arresting people for singing out of tune due to out-of-control funding
[stats]economy rises, civil rights fall
6. "You know, there is another way..." says your Minister for Other Solutions, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We should start using subliminal messages in films and TV programmes telling people not to take drugs. It could also be used to get the message across for elections..."
[effects]The nation is suspiciously loving of their leaders
[stats]political freedoms fall