Spoffin
25-06-2004, 20:03
This has gotta be my favourite issue ever. I'd like to thank Cogitation, who I am quite certain is the man behind Big-Yellow-Taxi for the comic genius and the subtle clues that lead me to his true identity.
Spoffin Decides:
Keep The Greenbelt Green, Say Protesters
The Issue
A group of environmentalists are protesting against plans to expand urban and suburban developments into greenbelts, the designated countryside between settlements.
The Debate
"Do we really have to listen to these nutcases?" asks real estate developer, Jonathon Cogswell. "The fact of the matter is that nature is BORING. Give us permission to build on the greenbelt and you'll have pink hotels, boutiques, and swinging hot spots that'll be the envy of the region and draw tourists from all around! We can always transplant a few trees and put them in a tree museum to keep the tree-huggers happy. Spoffin stands to make a lot of money from this! Think about it for a moment!"
[Accept]
"I agree with my colleague here, but he doesn't go far enough," says Beth Utopia, a city planner. "These protestors are standing in the path of progress. It slows the growth of our economy and harms my portfolio - er - the future of our nation, I mean. It's unpatriotic and we should increase police funding to deal with these troublemakers. Then we wouldn't have to worry about greenbelts or any other nonsense about keeping the 'environment' safe. Think about it for a moment!"
[Accept]
"I can't believe what I'm hearing!" exclaims environmental activist Chastity Silk. "Tree museums? Police funding? Don't it always seem to be the case that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone? We're talking about natural treasures and you're talking about destroying them. Is there anything that you can build that can really be better than nature? We should put a stop to all encroachment into natural areas. Think about it for a moment!"
Spoffin Decides:
Keep The Greenbelt Green, Say Protesters
The Issue
A group of environmentalists are protesting against plans to expand urban and suburban developments into greenbelts, the designated countryside between settlements.
The Debate
"Do we really have to listen to these nutcases?" asks real estate developer, Jonathon Cogswell. "The fact of the matter is that nature is BORING. Give us permission to build on the greenbelt and you'll have pink hotels, boutiques, and swinging hot spots that'll be the envy of the region and draw tourists from all around! We can always transplant a few trees and put them in a tree museum to keep the tree-huggers happy. Spoffin stands to make a lot of money from this! Think about it for a moment!"
[Accept]
"I agree with my colleague here, but he doesn't go far enough," says Beth Utopia, a city planner. "These protestors are standing in the path of progress. It slows the growth of our economy and harms my portfolio - er - the future of our nation, I mean. It's unpatriotic and we should increase police funding to deal with these troublemakers. Then we wouldn't have to worry about greenbelts or any other nonsense about keeping the 'environment' safe. Think about it for a moment!"
[Accept]
"I can't believe what I'm hearing!" exclaims environmental activist Chastity Silk. "Tree museums? Police funding? Don't it always seem to be the case that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone? We're talking about natural treasures and you're talking about destroying them. Is there anything that you can build that can really be better than nature? We should put a stop to all encroachment into natural areas. Think about it for a moment!"