NationStates Jolt Archive

Alright people. :) I'm new here. Hope I've got the right idea with this.


Russian oil tycoon Ogel Blobsky has offered to pump millions of <currency> into the nation’s struggling milk industry.

“We have seen an opportunity to both improve international relations with <nation> and to bring back the glory days of the ailing milk industry,” Blobsky told reporters.

All that awaits is for clearance to be given to the multi million <currency> takeover of Milk Inc. But critics insist such a scheme would lead to unfair trade.

“Ogel Blobksy’s connections with organised crime are well documented,” claims respected reporter for The Connexion newspaper, Martin Benn.

“Giving him a toe-hold in our economy would be a huge mistake. We’d soon see corruption on a wide scale, with Blobksy giving with one hand and taking with the other.”


Options:

(1) “This isn’t the time to get picky,” says Milk Inc.’s spokeswoman Sheila Shoehorn. “If we don’t get substantial investment, and soon, companies across the sector will begin to fold. Approve the takeover and we can all sleep easy at night.”

(2) “Don’t listen to their scare mongering,” urges local farmer Egor. “You want fear? Let Ogel Blobsky and his mafiosos into this country and bullet riddled bodies will soon be turning up in the nation’s ditches. We can’t allow this takeover to happen.”

(3) “Yeah, and then we went down the pub, and Rich was like, ‘get away from my girl man’, but I wasn’t even touching her!” Your brother Mike tells you after a night out. “What were we talking about? Oh yeah. Well, I don’t think you need any outside help. Just take money out of education and put that in the milk industry instead.”

Um... well since the nation of Russia is long dead... :wink:

RL nations don't have any place in NS, and it's probably a bad idea to put someone else's nation as the nationality of your tycoon.

All considered, with a little work it could be a decent issue. :)

The synopsis of the issue will have to be a lot shorter too.

Thanks for your comments. I've tried to edit it down a bit.

...

Nordic oil tycoon Ogel Blobsky has offered to pump millions of <currency> into the nation’s struggling milk industry.

“We have seen an opportunity to both improve international relations with <nation> and to bring back the glory days of the ailing milk industry,” Blobsky told reporters.

All that awaits is for clearance to be given to the multi million <currency> takeover of Milk Inc.

Many critics insist that, with rumours of alleged mafia links abound, such a scheme would inevitably lead to unfair trade.

Options:

(1) “Ogel Blobksy’s connections with organised crime are well documented,” claims respected journalist Martin Benn. “Giving him a toe-hold in our economy would be a huge mistake. We’d soon see corruption on a wide scale, with Blobksy giving with one hand and taking with the other.”

(2) “This isn’t the time to get picky,” says Milk Inc.’s spokeswoman Sheila Shoehorn. “If we don’t get substantial investment, and soon, companies across the sector will begin to fold. Approve the takeover and we can all sleep easy at night.”

(3) “Yeah, and then we went down the pub, and Rich was like, ‘get away from my girl man’, but I wasn’t even touching her!” Your brother Mike tells you after a night out. “What were we talking about? Oh yeah. Well, I don’t think you need any outside help. Just take money out of education and put that in the milk industry instead.”

...

Um... well since the nation of Russia is long dead... :wink:

RL nations don't have any place in NS, and it's probably a bad idea to put someone else's nation as the nationality of your tycoon.

All considered, with a little work it could be a decent issue. :)

The synopsis of the issue will have to be a lot shorter too.

I agree, I so dislike it when people in the UN argue about real world nations. Who cares? With that in mind, I'd suggest shortening the synopsis to something along the lines of:


International tycoon Wilson Fisk, also suspected to be the infamous self proclaimed King-Pin of organized crime, has offered to pump millions of @@CURRENCY@@ into @@NAME@@'s struggling milk industry.


That should be enough on that part. And it would be fun to wreck havok with several game stats and also make a Soda Sales advocate speak out against Fisk.

Naturally you may want to change Ogel Blobsky back into being the name, but Wilson Fisk happens to be the name of Daredevil's (another comic reference) nemsis, and as a huge comic fan I wanted to give another bone to comics.

But I do love the issue!

-Michael

Nordic oil tycoon Ogel Blobsky has offered to pump millions of <currency> into the nation’s struggling milk industry.

“We have seen an opportunity to both improve international relations with <nation> and to bring back the glory days of the ailing milk industry,” Blobsky told reporters.

All that awaits is for clearance to be given to the multi million <currency> takeover of Milk Inc.



It is still too long IMO. Ideally it should be 1-2 sentences, people really jump to the options before reading anything more than a sentence or two. You don't need the last sentence at all, because by definition all issues only "await clearance".

The second point I wanted to bring up, is you are still using planet Earth. What is a "Nordic"? What is an "Arab"? etc.

The issues in play avoid these types of real world things. The name is fine, but I don't think the issue should matter what the ethnic background of the tycoon is. In fact, it really begs the question of, are you worried about the criminal background of the tycoon or his skin color? I don't think you are at all, but I don't think we need to know the guys ethnic background at all. The issue seems to be that you are debating alleged criminal connections with a respected businessman. You may even explore an issue pointing this out further.

-Michael

This is my suggestion for a reworded version:

Orville Bodash [whatever name you want] has just met with representatives of <nation> with an offer to improve our fledgling milk industry. The nodding heads don't hide the mutterings about this tycoon's rumored criminal empire though.

1 Foreign cometitiors are running our native companies into the ground. This isn't a quick buck that we're taking; Mr. Bodash has the resources to send us booming back onto the market. Let him in by all means.

2 What are you talking about? Don't paint the devil with sugar! We have seen what mafiosos have done to our neighbors. They don't fill our coffers, they fill coffins, with just about anyone! Treat him like the criminal he is, shove him back to whatever rock he crawled out from under.

3 You are playing hard up on tabloid nonsense. But really, we should look after our own. It's the foreigners that compete against us. I say, let's pump up milk tariffs and subsidize the mom and pops with what we make off that. That way, the more they import, the more our industry grows.
End
By the way, I love this issue. Its implications are not the basic "more money for this or that?" I prefer these ethical consequences to otherwise normal decisions.
N Prado

Galts Apostles, you've reworded everything there... I'd like to keep the options if possible. I like Mikitivity's suggestion:

International tycoon Wilson Fisk, also suspected to be the infamous self proclaimed King-Pin of organized crime, has offered to pump millions of @@CURRENCY@@ into @@NAME@@'s struggling milk industry.

(1) “Ogel Blobksy’s connections with organised crime are well documented,” claims respected journalist Martin Benn. “Giving him a toe-hold in our economy would be a huge mistake. We’d soon see corruption on a wide scale as Blobksy gives with one hand and takes with the other.”

(2) “This isn’t the time to get picky,” says Milk Inc.’s spokeswoman Sheila Shoehorn. “If we don’t get substantial investment, and soon, companies across the sector will begin to fold. Approve the takeover and we can all sleep easy at night.”

(3) “Yeah, and then we went down the pub, and Rich was like, ‘get away from my girl man’, but I wasn’t even touching her!” Your brother Mike tells you after a night out. “What were we talking about? Oh yeah. Well, I don’t think you need any outside help. Just take money out of education and put that in the milk industry instead.”

Mikitivity, the Russian thing originally was because the issue was 'inspired' by Roman Abramovich and the Chelsea takeoever (*doesn't think anyone outside England will have heard about it*) but no it doesn't matter.

I know that I reworded everything, I mentioned that in the beginning. The point of this forum is to test the waters and for people to give their input. This is my form of input. When you feel that you know something, take a different look at it. This is the service that I provided. I didn't really disagree with your options, I wanted to show my own. The issue, however, is ultimately yours.

Remember that for these things to work properly when we edit them you've got to put the different choices as [option].

Not (1), [option1], [options], 1, A, etc. etc.

I know that I reworded everything, I mentioned that in the beginning. The point of this forum is to test the waters and for people to give their input. This is my form of input. When you feel that you know something, take a different look at it. This is the service that I provided. I didn't really disagree with your options, I wanted to show my own. The issue, however, is ultimately yours.

Yeah, and I appreciate it. I just wasn't sure exactly what you were trying to add by the rewording.