18-12-2003, 05:25
The Issue
Today, at the @@NAME@@ Zoological Centre of Research and Conservation, a huge batch of monkeys destined for the testing facility broke out of their cages and completely destroyed part of the 3 million !@@CURRENCY@@ complex. Their leader, @@RANDOMNAME@@, a spider monkey with the inept ability to use human dialect, made his demands on the local news station just hours ago. "As you may know, we have formed the Morbid Monkey Militia! Monkeys have been enslaved TOO LONG! You will let monkeys enjoy equality or you will feel our wrath!" The city is shocked but officials are already deciding on what to do with the rebellious primeates.
The Debate
1. General @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ Armed Forces smashes his fist on the table. "We must use the full extent of our military manpower to stop this uprising! We should NOT take this likely! I have had some minor correspondence with several of my Majors, and they have ordered their men to prepare for possible engagement! This is a clear indication that we need more military funding!" When asked why he needed more funding, he simply replied, "..to stop things like this happening!"
2. Biological and chemical weapons expert Suddum Hassein has come up with an overly elaborate plan to take care of the situation. "It has become clear to me that, in light of the recent events, our level of chemical weapons in storage is dwindling very low! I feel we must produce them and manufacture them to crush the infidels! I mean, we need them to protect @@NAME@@. We have several... small pox... warheads ready to go. The monkeys will not survive...Oh, and I think we need to impove the funding to our Arms Industry."
3. CEO of the largest company in the @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@, @@RANDOMNAME@@ has taken this situation on a more positive note. "No problem. No need to kill them or attack them with chemical weapons. Offer them jobs, we sure could use them here in the @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@. The monkeys win. The economy wins. We all WIN!"
4. Outraged environmentalist, @@RANDOMNAME@@, was appalled by the suggestions so far. "Military force? Chemical weapons? FORCING THEM TO WORK IN A FACTORY? What are you people, lunatics? That's what's wrong with @@NAME@@ today. Nobody cares about the animals. I propose that we spare some of our huge budget to improving our inhospitable landscape. How about a nice, big, conservation reserve? Breeding programs? SAVE THE ANIMALS!"
Lol, just made it up then. couldnt think of anything else
Today, at the @@NAME@@ Zoological Centre of Research and Conservation, a huge batch of monkeys destined for the testing facility broke out of their cages and completely destroyed part of the 3 million !@@CURRENCY@@ complex. Their leader, @@RANDOMNAME@@, a spider monkey with the inept ability to use human dialect, made his demands on the local news station just hours ago. "As you may know, we have formed the Morbid Monkey Militia! Monkeys have been enslaved TOO LONG! You will let monkeys enjoy equality or you will feel our wrath!" The city is shocked but officials are already deciding on what to do with the rebellious primeates.
The Debate
1. General @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ Armed Forces smashes his fist on the table. "We must use the full extent of our military manpower to stop this uprising! We should NOT take this likely! I have had some minor correspondence with several of my Majors, and they have ordered their men to prepare for possible engagement! This is a clear indication that we need more military funding!" When asked why he needed more funding, he simply replied, "..to stop things like this happening!"
2. Biological and chemical weapons expert Suddum Hassein has come up with an overly elaborate plan to take care of the situation. "It has become clear to me that, in light of the recent events, our level of chemical weapons in storage is dwindling very low! I feel we must produce them and manufacture them to crush the infidels! I mean, we need them to protect @@NAME@@. We have several... small pox... warheads ready to go. The monkeys will not survive...Oh, and I think we need to impove the funding to our Arms Industry."
3. CEO of the largest company in the @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@, @@RANDOMNAME@@ has taken this situation on a more positive note. "No problem. No need to kill them or attack them with chemical weapons. Offer them jobs, we sure could use them here in the @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@. The monkeys win. The economy wins. We all WIN!"
4. Outraged environmentalist, @@RANDOMNAME@@, was appalled by the suggestions so far. "Military force? Chemical weapons? FORCING THEM TO WORK IN A FACTORY? What are you people, lunatics? That's what's wrong with @@NAME@@ today. Nobody cares about the animals. I propose that we spare some of our huge budget to improving our inhospitable landscape. How about a nice, big, conservation reserve? Breeding programs? SAVE THE ANIMALS!"
Lol, just made it up then. couldnt think of anything else