NationStates Jolt Archive

I was so inspired by Reppy's brilliant job of doing an Episode 3 for the BNSMFH that I thought, "what the hell, why not do another BNSPFH for the new year?"

For those of you unfamiliar with the previous year's installments, take a gander at the original Bastard NationStates Player From Hell (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=394390).

Prepare for the Second Coming of...

The Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 1


Ahhhhh! It's 4:30 on a Friday evening. My boring schoolwork is done for the day, and the siren song of NationStates is tugging on my heartstrings once again. I have been neglecting her for so long, enjoying the holidays, and I no longer feel the desire to destroy her. Perhaps I will give up on my dreams of online destruction, allow my legend to begin fading almost as soon as it began to shine. Maybe I simply no longer have the bastard within to guide me. An unsettling thought.

Awww...Who am I kidding? This damn peace and love crap from the holidays must be throwing me off. I will renew my committment to being the Bastard NationStates Player From Hell. Some resolutions for the new year are in order.

1. Resume activity with Smoggy the NSer and continue campaign to gain a Moderator position so as to further the possibilities for bastard acts.
2. Check in on Uraslave and see how his quest to undermine the game is progressing.
3. Once the forums are fixed, find a new way to bring them down again.
4. Restart plot for the destruction of the UN.
5. Strengthen efforts to create chaos among the gameplayers, particularly the so-called "defenders".
6. Engage in random TOS violations using puppets.

Six is a good number. These will be a good start for the new year. Oh yes. NationStates had a break from me over the holidays, but now they will experience the Second Coming of...

~Texan Godmodders, The Bastard NationStates Player...From Hell!!!

Guff's Entry

Part 1. Because Volume looks too classy for me.

What am I doing. I'm writing a kind of blog post in the moderation forum. Of all places. Ah well, a little change doesn't hurt anyone. Too bad it's not for a good cause, otherwise people would hear me bragging about it for months. Work, study, boredom. Three things around which my life seems to resolve. Oh yeah, and make controversial "comics" on a site nobody cares about. So... What am I going to do on NationStates today. The same thing I do every day, check my posts, threads and see if there's anything interesting to read.

It's hard to read the forums these days. Either jolt's down or I'm not in the mood to look if there's anything new. Just what is wrong with jolt? Questions not even the mods know an answer to. Not much is happening anyway.

This is boring me. I'm never going to do this again.

The Bastard NationStates Player ... From HELL
Volume 3

Ah yes, another day, another dollar. It's a Saturday, so I have nothing to do but mislead newbies and try and get them deleted by Reploid Seduction, Uraslave and the rest of the Bastard Moderating Team. First up ... Writing a guide to how to get banned and getting it disguised as a guide for newbies. "Your first step should be to post seven identical threads declaring that you are going to murder the Bastard Moderators." Perfect. That's the entire post on how to get started. I grin an evil grin as I watch the threads pile up, and watch the nations pile down.

Next up, I switch to my next computer and my next ISP. It's lucky all my income goes to paying for multiple ISPs so I can have multiple IP addresses so I can have multiple UN nations. First things first, I load up and make a new UN Resolution to dissolve the UN. Then I get it passed by my two hundred different UN Puppets, all of whom are in different regions so as to be delegates. Ah yes. The resolution passed, now it is at vote, meaning even though it will probably fail, it will clog up the UN and prevent progress from being made for the next week or so.

Now that I'm done my work on the forums for today, I load up my nation page and take a look. A telegram. God damn, somebody sent me a telegram? Let's see "I saw some of your old threads blah blah blah join my RP blah blah blah." A nonsensical message from one of the stupid newbie numberwanking crowd, assuming that just because I roleplayed back last time I was here, I still would now. Well-written, with proper spelling and grammar, but from a young nation. Everyone knows all nations under a billion people deserve to die. I take a look at the thread. Not bad, actually. Were I still an utter moron, I might have joined.

Instead, I send back a response that scathingly recommends he read the stickies and my new 'how to get started' thread, then switch to a different ISP to report him for flaming even though he hasn't. I also report the thread and everyone else who posted in it, mostly because I hate those god damned roleplayers. Since the bastard moderators are, after all, bastard moderators, I assume they'll delete them, and probably the one who reported as well. I'm not stupid. I've been around the block a few times.

Issues all get dismissed. I like my so-called democracy of a nation. Excellent/Frightening/World Benchmark. Oh yes, I can pretend to be democratic enough for people to think those are my actual views, but won't they be surprised, when- God damn stupid roleplayers and their telegrams.

This one's asking me to join a democratic alliance. They're even part of the United Nations, an honour usually reserved for puppet states.

I report them, too, on the same account I reported the other one, for spamming and trolling. I make up random telegrams that were sent and then apologize for having deleted them since I'm new. Say goodbye to your five billion people, sucker. Have fun in NS Hell.

Oh yes, it's good to be Haratty, The bastard NationStates Player ... From HELL.

The Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 4

Hell. That was the place, the place where I came from, lived, learned the bastard arts. The place I brought so many others to do bastard deeds. I chose to retire from that life.

But now I'm bored. My return is at hand. This time, my plan is to take things slow, gain a position that cannot be assaulted, and then strike.

I will bide my time, wait until the overweening Mods are lulled into a false sense of security. With the demotion of the ever-vigilant Coagulation and his decreasing activity, it should present no difficulty. I will be productive, helpful, and hopefully take his place amongst the ranks of the Bastard Game Mods.

~Texan Godmodders, The Bastard NationStates Player...From Hell!!!

If you think this resembles real NS events, you are probably right. But get that tinfoil hat on nonetheless. Actually, I'm satirizing myself right now, but shh don't tell anyone.
The Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 5

It is true that I am a magnificent mastermind, manipulating the events of NationStates in a way that others do not fathom. Unfortunately, I am so terribly misunderstood. None of the other players appreciate my wondrous talents and capacious intellect. They fail to recognize the scope of my genius, the unavoidable truth of my brilliance and wisdom. Alas! Does no one appreciate me? Does no one grasp the amazing nature of my accomplishments?

But in truth, it does not matter. Their insignificant opinions are of little value to me. After all, who are they? Have they reached my incredible level of greatness? I dare say not. Have they my insatiable innate intelligence? I think not. But I myself, I have the intelligence, the stunning skills, and evil of...

~Texan Godmodders, The Bastard NationStates Player...From Hell!!!

Um...what?

Um...what?

But more importantly, who.

I always though where was a good question, as well.

I find I'm quite partial to why myself.

Don't forget how.

:eek:

*warns herself for thread hijack*

I don't mind the hijacking so much as long as you don't crash it into General. ;)

Is answering these claims in 1337\Noob a bannable offense?

The Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 6

Finally the pieces are falling into place. With the recent promotion of Texan Godmodders to bastard NS mod, my plans to overthrow the bastard mods will soon come to fruition. And the best part is, there's not a damn thing any of them can do to stop me now. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Floggleites
Bastard NationStates Player... FROM HELLhttp://bak42.notworksafe.com/images/NationStates/Smilies/FIREdevil.gif