NationStates Jolt Archive

The Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 1


Ahhhhhh! It's 3:30 PM, and my boring classes are out for the day. It's time to have a little fun. I mosey on over to the library as usual, making sure to pick an out-of-the-way spot so no one will hear my giggle evilly. I turn on the new Dell PC and wait for it to load. What shall I do today? I'm not in the mood for random n00b posts or recruitment spam. Hmmmm. Suddenly a light comes on in my head. I bring up the nation creation page and type slowly.

M-o-d-e-r-a-t-o-r P-u-p-p-e-t

Hehe...this will be fun. I finish creating the nation and validate my forum account, then I begin to post. I see one of the newbies asking a question, and give him the wrong advice. One of the Mod nations will be getting a telegram requesting help from that newbie later. I giggle to myself at the thought of the Mod's annoyance. Next I notice a Mod Conspiracy Theory thread in General, and post a very revealing message giving the impression that the Mods are powerhungry dickheads. I lurk the forum for a few more minutes, and then randomly post in an RP thread saying that all of the nations therein have warnings. They flame me and say that I'm a liar and that my pants are on fire...whatever that means. It doesn't matter. Now they will have warnings for flaming me. I grin and try to find something else to do. I have several minutes before the Mods figure out what's going on and DEAT me. Hmmmm...the UN forum looks nice today. Perhaps some trolling is in order.

~Texan Godmodders, The Bastard NationStates Player...From Hell!!!

Impressive work... :D

The title had me thinking he was talking about me, but the thread is nowhere near.

Nice piece of work. It should be stickied.

*grins and waves from afar*

*grins and waves from afar*

*admires*

The title had me thinking he was talking about me, but the thread is nowhere near.

Nice piece of work. It should be stickied.
Yeah, so should [reploid productions]'

Impressive *breathes*...Most impressive, but you are not as impressive as Jap yet. *breathes*

Can't *breathes-has asthma* ... resist posting *breathes-almost dies* ... something stupid here *dies*

:sniper:

The Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 1


Ahhhhhh! It's 3:30 PM, and my boring classes are out for the day. It's time to have a little fun. I mosey on over to the library as usual, making sure to pick an out-of-the-way spot so no one will hear my giggle evilly. I turn on the new Dell PC and wait for it to load. What shall I do today? I'm not in the mood for random n00b posts or recruitment spam. Hmmmm. Suddenly a light comes on in my head. I bring up the nation creation page and type slowly.

M-o-d-e-r-a-t-o-r P-u-p-p-e-t

Hehe...this will be fun. I finish creating the nation and validate my forum account, then I begin to post. I see one of the newbies asking a question, and give him the wrong advice. One of the Mod nations will be getting a telegram requesting help from that newbie later. I giggle to myself at the thought of the Mod's annoyance. Next I notice a Mod Conspiracy Theory thread in General, and post a very revealing message giving the impression that the Mods are powerhungry dickheads. I lurk the forum for a few more minutes, and then randomly post in an RP thread saying that all of the nations therein have warnings. They flame me and say that I'm a liar and that my pants are on fire...whatever that means. It doesn't matter. Now they will have warnings for flaming me. I grin and try to find something else to do. I have several minutes before the Mods figure out what's going on and DEAT me. Hmmmm...the UN forum looks nice today. Perhaps some trolling is in order.

Great History :headbang:

Real smart. You've just let the mods know about this.

Real smart. You've just let the mods know about this.
It *is* a joke, you know...
There's already been a moderator in the thread, either way, and nothing was done about it, so it's quite clear nothing wrong was done.

[Whoa. Deja-vu. ;) --Felix ]

And is a good joke. It remainds me that I have to create 232 more puppets till midnight and to spam at least 35 regions with flaming, flambaiting and extremely insulting posts. Just like the one I'm writing now.

All started when I was just a little kid and my mother used to tell me these crazy things. Cool, calm, just like my mom, with a couple of valium inside her palm, Mr. Xuberant, Mr. Xtravagant Xtrodinary, Mr. Xalata X 'em with a little bit of Xtasy X-ing a beeeeeb out if you tryna test a g, is killing my software with Windows. I was (and I'm still) amazed of the power of the stupidity when I took my uber dose of NS gaming, spamming, multying and frequently flamebaiting the people to the limits of their pitty souls. When I see Max (using one of his pseudonyms - [volet], Salusa or even Nationalist Stalinist) I usualy make my best to make him proud of his masterpiece. For those who don't know, Max is the first griefer in NS - he grieved all the public telling it NS2 will be payed.

These shrooms make me hallucinate... I see the mods as good and helping people... I see the usual spammers posting ads only for my region... I see my 125 multies becomming delegates in the biggest regions... I see several high-ranked defenders been DEATED.

NOW THAT'S HALLUCINATING, MY BOY!, said one of my inner voices. Uhh, that was not my inner voice, that was the Jolt Admin banning me from all his forums...

NOW THAT'S HALLUCINATING, MY BOY!, said one of my inner voices. Uhh, that was not my inner voice, that was the Jolt Admin banning me from all his forums...
Giving yourself away definately means all your accounts are gone.

Giving yourself away definately means all your accounts are gone.

*commits suicide*

Disclaimer: Any similarities between events in this post and real NationStates events are purely coincidental.

The Bastard NationStates Player from Hell #2

I log into my computer and sign in to my nation after getting home from a tiring day of Robotics. I see I've got a new telegram.

"Hello, Goobergunchia. My Yahoo e-mail won't validate, could you help me with this?"

It's from some nation I've never heard of. I prepare to telegram them back when I'm interrupted by my mom.

"Hey, Martin? Just got a small package for you from Britain."

I open it with pleasure; my first-ever official NSm excuse cards have arrived!

I return to the n00b.

"Your error seems to have something to do with the clock speed of the NationStates server. I don't know when it will be fixed, so telegram SalusaSecondus for more information."

As if Salusa doesn't get enough telegrams. Hopefully this one will bump off a report of one of the NationStates exploits I've discovered.

I fire up the ADN forums and see that as usual, a bunch of North Indian Ocean nations are whining about the loss of democracy in their region. Boo-hoo, dictatorships are more fun anyway (well, if you're the dictator). I edit their posts to compliment the great job that Gnomedance is doing as Delegate, then write a nice post of my own condemning Gnomedance and wondering why the natives are so supportive of him.

Oh yeah, and I send an e-mail off to the InvisionFree server admin I've been blackmailing so that the edit-actions are quickly deleted from the ADN server logs. Wouldn't want Vat Hat or Onepiece finding out.

Finally, I check the NSwiki. I see that I've got a bunch of complaints about various bugs in the latest install of MediaWiki. I log into the database and delete both the complaints and the articles that the complainants have written. Hopefully this will teach them from annoying Groutergrinchia, the Bastard NS Player....from HELL!

BRILLIANT!

*admires*
*waves to Kat*

Keep it going, guys.... havent read these things for a long time.

Disclaimer: You may think this resembles certain real NS events. It does not. It's all a Mod conspiracy designed to make you crazy. Wear your tin foil hat at all times.

The Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 3

Dammit!! Some bigshot player from the 2002 group just got one of my favorite regions deleted. That arrogant old bastard! That's forty-six of my favorite spammer puppets down the drain. Oooooo...The Bob will pay dearly for this...and his little region too!!! Mwahahahahaha!

Now where do I start...ah yes...I'll use some of my puppets to spam up the regional happenings. But that's just the beginning. Next, I'll spam up his regional message board. What shall I write in the messages? Aha!

The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant! The Bob is a petty tyrant!

A few of those, and he'll be so pissed off he'll feel like shooting something. Hahahahahahahaha! Oh shit! He's ejected my nation and passworded the region! Damn, that was fast. That's okay, I don't have to be in his region to have my fun. I can send him spam telegrams from outside the region...wait a minute...maybe I should think a little larger. Hehehehe...


To: Regional Allies of The Bob
From: Puppet #346

Greetings from The Bob! I have changed my mind and decided that you just need to fuck off, stupid lusers. I don't want you in my region anymore. Leave, or I'll eject you.

The Bob will have lots of telegrams in his inbox tomorrow, and since he's not getting the telegrams from me he can't put me on his ignore list. I chuckle at the depth of my genius, and wonder what cheap trick the Mods will pull once they learn of this. It doesn't really matter. I can spoof IP's. They'll never get rid of me, the powerhungry gits. I'm hungry so I go get a sandwich. It's going to be a long night.

~Texan Godmodders, The Bastard NationStates Player...From Hell!!!

Giving yourself away definately means all your accounts are gone.


You're not into this whole 'parody' thing, are you?

The Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 4


The first step, of course, is to create several puppets, and to maximize this particular wave of evil, I use my computer at work. Free from the worries that my main nation will be discovered, I search for my quarry. Now, some would simply impersonate a moderator, or choose a puppet name that's blatantly obscene. How overdone is that! No, my first target is General. Using at least four different nation names, I start several threads. Gay marriage. American Politics. Whether all Communists deserve death. But I don't show my hand all at once. No, I simply open the topics. Then I wait half an hour before descending upon the unwitting responders. No civilized messages for them. No, if I can't insult some aspect of their lives, or better yet, their mother's, I don't bother. I have only reached the foothills of Mount Bastard, and I will not be deterred. A little fluffle spam in otherwise on-topic threads rounds out a good hour or two in General.

If I've moved quickly enough, the official warnings and thread deletions should still be a few minutes off; I hate those conscientous posters who report threads to Moderation. But no matter. I'm headed to International Incidents. Nothing too bad here; I'm going for coverage this time, so I start a few wars, trying my hardest to pick either unusual or extremely large targets. My goal is to provoke them and then use IGNORE tactics against them, painting them as the aggressor. It won't work, of course, but it should generate a few 50-post threads.

I move on. I've planned this carefully, getting a single nation into the UN the day earlier, also while I should be working. To the proposals list. First, I propose to repeal every resolution that has been enacted. Yes, all 95 of them. And I make sure to submit every proposal 3 times. Then it's blatant game mechanics violations. I specifically submit proposals that contravene existing ones. "Ban Free Speech". "Sacrifice Children to God". If I can break the rules AND insult at least three social subgroups, I consider the task successful. Having added over a hundred proposals to the queue, I now proceed to the UN forum, where I create as many threads devoted to discussing my new proposals. If I survive long enough, I have my puppets join in the discussion. For or against, as long as the posts contain vulgarity and snide innuendo about other poster's sex life, the argument doesn't matter.

Somewhere around now, the axe falls. The puppets are deleted. In my final act of evil, I log on at home as "Krioval". Lying through my teeth (keyboard), I say that I barely caught the tail end of the mess. Profusely thanking the moderators for a job well done, I silently await my turn on the "other side" of the mod console, constantly denying any interest whatsoever in the job. That night, I dream of global domination.

That was excellent! Two thumbs up for Krioval! :D

Disclaimer: You may think this resembles certain real NS events but its infact just me stealing Texan Hotrodders's disclaimer. Now shut up and read.

The Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 5

Another boring day at school, I start up IE, noting that the administrator has found another one of my loopholes to get to the nationstates site. The bastard is getting persistant I might say, I log onto one of the administrator accounts I created yesterday and clear the ban list, also making sure to both shut down the Administrator’s PC and to screw up the LAN IP protocols for the administration level, that'll keep that 3rd rank IT'er busy and make sure that those pesky NS moderators won't see the difference between me and the other six dozen people that play NS on my school.

After that, its time for some hell and destruction on NS, I log into my one of my puppet founders, making sure that I kick everyone out of the region for no reason whatsoever. Immediately their TG's start to flood in with pathetic threats about moderator action against me, I laugh evilly and gloat at the misery I've caused but not before I also reported the senders for flaming me. Then I log out, enough fun with kicking nations as I log into another puppet and proceed to spam my own region before asking the mods to clear the spam and punish the offender. I then proceed to argue with myself on the moderator forum about the warning, causing a massive flame battle in moderation as people pick sides and join in on the fest.

Finally, Hack just deleted four of the flamers in the thread, warned my puppet once more and gave out four dozen warnings all around, the only one walking free is my main nation as I took great care not to fall into flaming but tip-toed the line. I chalk up the score, I 2002 nation, II 2003 nations and, I 2005 nation, a nice catch but I'm far from done, I sit for a second and think up yet another evil plan.

I walk to the computer standing next to me, I create two new puppets and head over to the forum. After thinking it over for a minute I decide on my plan of action; I create a thread in NS calling the NS'ers a bunch of slack-ass snobs and another one in II the II'ers a bunch of warmongering neanderthals, this should give me a good kick before either that Frisbee slacker or GMC toy weaponry manufacturer finds me and deletes both nations. I walk to the counter for a cup of tea and return five minutes later to find both threads have degenerated in massive flame fests and grieving, I sit back and watch another 2002 nation get deleted for flaming as I chalk up the score on the side of my personal computer.

Somewhere around that point, gloating over the death and decay, and taking a trip to the bathroom for undisclosed reason my puppets get deleted and IP banned. No matter, its time to go home and tomorrow I'll give the entire school a new IP address seeing as that 3rd rank administrator will be busy for the next few weeks clearing up the mess I've made at the adminstration level.

Dumpsterdam the Bastard NS Player....from HELL!

The Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 6

Last time was child's play. Today I hunger for the blood of the innocents. But I must be patient. Torment on the levels I am to create takes time and energy. I locate several different computers to use. I create as many puppets as I can and get them into the UN. Now the temptation to spam the proposal queue rises within me, but I will not be satisfied by such distractions. I am at the buffet of evil deeds, and to fill up on appetizers would be an egregious waste. I tell a friend about the site, and get him to make a nation and enroll it in the UN. His computer will be my staging point for the next phase.

A few days pass without incident. Then I strike. I'm at my friend's place, and I need to "check my e-mail". Should take about twenty minutes, I tell him. Heh. I chose well; he's completely oblivious to the carnage that is about to take place. I've done my homework the night before. Reading "Moderation", I have a list of ten regions that have just recently suffered horrendous griefing, and which ones have delegate control re-enabled. Onward. One of those foreign-language regions looks like a good first target. In go my UN multies. Kick, kick, kick. Three minutes later, it's done. I've left one native, and spammed the region board with "Speak English, you morons". I leave one non-UN native just to confuse the hell out of everybody, password seal the region, and like the Biblical plague of locusts, descend on ten other regions. Ah, the Rejected Realms will be filling up today! My griefing over, I spam all the natives' TG boxes as quickly as I can.

I finish my "e-mail" quite satisfied. But I know there's more to come. My friend is heading for ejection from the UN. UN multiing is a cardinal sin, after all - too bad he's innocent! If I'm really lucky, he'll get nailed for the griefing too. Then I encourage him to post a complaint thread on "Moderation", rather than the "Get Help" page, because I know he'll get another warning from the now-irate mods. If I'm feeling particularly snotty, I might even make another puppet at yet another computer to flame either the mods or my friend's nation. Or both. The goal is to cause such a rift between my friend (if that term can even be applied at this point) and NS mods/admin that he goes off to make trouble himself. When the firestorm finally dies down in Moderation and my victim returns as a now-incensed flamer on all the forums, I know that I've done the job to the best of my abilities. Nothing will be traced to me - ever.

"Hide in plain sight and your enemies will never find you."

~ Slasher, the Light Ninja

YGSM: If you aren't gonna post anything constructive, a lot of us would rather you not post.

YGSM: If you aren't gonna post anything constructive, a lot of us would rather you not post.

I don't have a problem with him posting it. However, I would rather he post something a bit more substantive if he's going to use the big header and all that.

Anyone want to make a colab on the next volume?

Should be fun to cooperate our..."efforts"

YGSM: If you aren't gonna post anything constructive, a lot of us would rather you not post.

*sigh*

It was supposed to imply...

Nevermind. I'll come back in. Less isn't always more.

The Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 6

I lurk in the shadows. Unseen, awaiting the opportunity to strike. I have disappeared from this position several times, but always have I returned. One day, I am upholding an evil regime in the Pacific. The next, I am discussing democracy in the Dejected Realms. Always, I act according to my own secret pattern.

In the past, I once aspired to the role of modhood. But they, omnipotent in their high chariots, cast me down. Something about 'too harsh' and 'we'd like to keep some victims around the place'. Fools, all of them.

With a grin, I flick from the moderation forum to the General. The worms know not my coming, but they will feel my departing. It is a simple matter. I write a single post on a completely random topic, send it out, and then never post on the thread again.

I move on to the playing forums. Various people have somehow contacted me on MSN and gotten me to play in their silly little threads. I snicker and move in for the kill, on each one of them pressing all of my power forward as my character's intricately slaughter all of their opponents in moves just on the cusp of powergaming.

The buzzer sounds. It's time to pull myself away from the computer and perform acts of evil elsewhere. But first, I go to the general forum and inspect the seed I had planted earlier. It has blossomed into a mighty tree of seething hatred, with liberals and conservatives at each other's throats.

I smile. I nod. And I shut the computer down. It is good to be Orania, Destroyer of Fluffy Bunnies.

Love 'em guys... keep it going...

Better that most stuff in General anyway.

Better that most stuff in General anyway.

Haha, like that's hard to beat. :D

The über Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 7

The day is going slowly, almost too slow for my liking.

My work is rather tedious and I get paid despite my lack of productivity - I love contract work! So, in a moment of nostalgic ADD, I fire up my favourite browser, as IE is pissing me off to no end and I need relief in the form of mayhem in NS.

Upon logging in, we mosey on over to the region first. While it's fun spamming your own user-made region, there is nothing quite like insulting your region while high as I have learned from experience. Fail that, is Talematros is blowing out their ass again, we go on an ego trip, remind the nation of how insignficant it is and brag about how our army is better...

Then proceed to randomly kick out a nation just for laughs. That's always fun and a reason to keep a region that has many of your puppets in it. Of course, the other players have no idea what's really going on. It does keep 'em in line...

Fail that, random acts of violence at the Regional Council Hall are fair game...

But that only is fascinating for about two minuts before the shiney "FORUM" link catches my fancy; what a fleeting affair I had just had with yonder region..

Acting on an urge to act like a douche, I sashay over to the forums, which haven't yet been graced with my presence yet that day. Everything is quiet, almost too quiet.

I long to post a really pointless thread in moderation, but I stop myself, as I open a second browser to find a very controversial news story to give me fuel for the day.

There is nothing more satisfying then merely giving people hints and letting them light the fire and pour kerosene on it. The flames are certainly toasty warm and they roast marshmellows quite lovely. I have ever fond memories of many of those marshmellows.

Once I've sowed those seeds my inner evil gremlin gets the better of me and tempting thread catches my eye; something harmless, or so they think until I come in, sniffing for action.

My victim is the soft-skinned fresh and naive newb, who comes in, pretending they are all civil and self-aware of the rules. Oh how fun it is to slither in under their skin and make them squirm to maintain civility when all you do is challenge their non-Canadian spellings - anything to get them started.

Constructive moments on the forum must remain fleeting, as there are the infamous threads begging to be iLock'd. It is quite the thrill to get in before lock and remark about how the flames are toasty...

The II forum is far too stuffy for the likes of the evil that lies within every innocent soul, but technical issues holds lots of chances for mischief and mayhem, as they are little ignorant fools, unto which you can gazed down your nose and laugh at because they are so eager to display their inability to use that elusive search function.

But be soft now, for here come the mods, who carry their crosses and holy water to purge all that is evil...

I make light foot and sprint...

I bid you adieu...

~ Kryozerkia the asinine

Very nice. Poetic, even. :)

Very nice. Poetic, even. :)
Mine? ;)

The Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 8

I have spent my time well. So far, the mods think me innocent: I have never spammed or flamed unnecessarily. I have been far too busy engaged in researches. Now, my cardinal moment of glory is on its way.

UN Multiing? Flaming? Spamming? No, today I am to completely throw the system out of whack! It will be the greatest anti-admin triumph in the history of NationStates!

I plug in my laptop, turn on my new wireless card, and quickly hack a password-protected network. Then, by manipulating complex strings of numbers and IP addresses, I reach the IP address I need. It does not take too much effort for me to crack another code -- fools they were, to type passwords -- and I have arrived at my ultimate goal.

I have hacked the account of a top-ranking Game Mod!!!

Now I can have my fun. I DEAT a few nations for nonexistent offenses. Then, without warning, I lock some perfectly acceptable threads. Whenever someone makes a pointless post I forumban them. I have a lot of fun messing around with the forum: DEATing accounts, locking threads, and other things — always making sure that everything I do is with a reason, no matter how flimsy.

Then I go into the game. I change the rate of population growth to 500 million a day, and increase the number of issues to 1 per hour. Then I delete some proposals. Finally, I increase my own rankings so that I'm always ranked first in the world. Then I log out.

I giggle with fiendish delight. The mod may be deleted for an abuse of mod powers. No-one will ever suspect me of this! I will remain what I was, the innocent Czardas, Ruler of the Universe!

I break into maniacal laughter, shutting down my computer and removing it from my position on the park bench. Salusa and [violet] will have a lot of work tonight...

And once again I have triumphed!

~Czardas, the Bastard NationStates Haxx0r from Hell!!!

Devious! Except the bastard mods do not rely on anything that could be easily guessed, and all a mod's nation account can do is forum mod stuff. Game mod stuff is an entirely seperate dealie, and far more secure than the nations of the lusers!

Disclaimer: You may think this resembles certain NS events, but in truth I'm just basing it on certain NS events and adding tons of made-up stuff to make it far more interesting Hehe. The Mods will really like this one. :D

The Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 9

Ah...I love the smell of success in the morning. I can tell, here in the early morning hours when the sky is full of stars obscured by the edge of my tin-foil hat, that I am on the verge of accomplishing the greatest coup in all of NationStates history.

"What is that," you might ask. Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to tell you, considering I've already made sure that there will be government agents asking you very pointed questions in a badly-lit room very shortly and you won't have a chance to tell anyone. How I did that is immaterial. Back to the story.

Many moons ago I conceived of being a Mod. The problem was that I was unfit to be a Mod, and early in my time here was foolish enough to get caught breaking numerous rules, thereby making my Modship...shall we say...very unlikely. But you've already heard of those incidents from earlier correspondence, so onward we go. After I was IP-banned for extensive rule-breaking and my ISP made things difficult, I chose to go into hiding for a while. Biding my time like a spider in his web, I moved to a different country and bought and set up a new computer, making sure to do all this under an assumed identity.

Then I began my work. First I needed to create a persona, one that would appeal to the masses and the Mods. One that would be friendly, grandfatherly, knowledgeable of the rules. I conceived (in my genius) of a gimmick, one that could work to my advantage. I would take a name similar to that of a much-beloved cartoon animal, one that talked about preventing "forest flames". I cleverly adapted this character to my scheme, changing his slogan to slighty to read "forum flames" rather than "forest flames" and making a nation with the name Smoggy the NSer. I began to post on the forum under this account, being helpful to newbies, giving good advice, and being friendly to all. With my extensive knowledge of the rules (gained from breaking all of them repeatedly during my earlier escapades), I began to gain a significant amount of respect and appreciation...even affection...from forumgoers and Mods. Eventually, I had a post added to a Licky, one of the posts pinned at the top of the forum. Furthermore, I had another post that was well-received and endorsed by a Moderator.

Here, I must break and tell you of my true deviousness. After being IP-banned by the oppressive Mods and their overseeing Admin, I was bitter, lonely, and in need of a purpose in life. I chose to take up another crusade against the NS moderators and those pesky Admin. But this time, I was much more subtle, finally seeing that my earlier attempts were futile and uncivilized, unworthy of my true greatness.

I am not a Mod yet, but the day will come when I am finally raised to that exalted position, perhaps to later become an Admin if I am successful in my programming and IT courses at the local university. If that happens, I may well be able to shut the entire game down, a final and telling blow against those who punished me unfairly. The time is not now...but watch...and wait...for the coming of Smoggy the Mod!!

I remain yours (at least until the government agents get you),

Texan Godmodders, the Bastard NationStates Player...From Hell.

These get more and more twisted. Wow. Cool!

Thanks, Krytenia. I aim to please. :)

Disclaimer: You may think this resembles certain NS events, but in truth I'm just basing it on certain NS events and adding tons of made-up stuff to make it far more interesting. This one's for the UN forum crowd. Enjoy.

The Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 10

Well now. Today was the day that one of my most devious secret plans were partially revealed. A relatively new nation saw through the smoke, mirrors, and clever valid arguments...a grain of the truth. Fortunately, no one of consequence believes it.

He claimed that I was part of a conspiracy by capitalistic nations. Something about arms and economics. It involved the United Nations. Of course I am leading a conspiracy to tear down the United Nations. It just has nothing to do with capitalism, the fool. He is blinded to the fullness of truth by his own economic ideology. My conspiracy is far greater than some petty economic dilly-dallying using the UN. I want to take down the UN itself, leave it laying useless and divided on a pile of its own bullshit. No...wait...that's where it is now. Sorry, got mixed up there for a moment.

My real plan is to destroy its legislative ability, the very heart of the organization. Unfortunately, the dastardly Admin have instituted a repeal function, blocking a complete destruction of the UN's legislative ability, but I can nonetheless do great damage...and all while operating within the rules. Now that the friendly and generous folks that pass for Mods around here have ruled my greatest method of destroying the UN to be legal, I can see my goal being acheived quickly. Under the guise of the noble idea of national sovereignty, I am about to make the NationStates United Nations fall upon its own two-edged sword. The beast will be gravely wounded by the weapon it uses to oppress others.

The simpletons who support me are many. They are the idealistic, the practical, the knowledgeable, the brilliant...and none of them see my true purpose.

In truth, am I not the greatest of all players? Are my plans not subtle and devious, a far cry from the simplicity and stupidity of my first attempts at widespread internet havoc? Only online history and legend will be able to tell of the true power of...

Texan Godmodders, the Bastard NationStates Player...From Hell.

Bravo! The BOfH would be proud... or destroy you, I'm not sure which. Maybe both? ;)

Disclaimer: You may think this resembles certain NS events, but in truth I'm just trying to add a disclaimer here to distract you from the truth. Remember your tin-foil hats.

The Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 11

There has been some talk of making me a Mod. I know it won't happen, but it is nice to think that some recognize my greatness and seek to reward me with power. The current Mods will of course reject me. They of all people understand the danger in allowing someone as devious as I into their ranks. Fortunately, they were fooled by my comrade, Uraslave. He will do what I cannot yet acheive.

Uraslave is cunning, taking advantage of the distraction I've created to slip quietly into the ranks, just as I suggested. He may well try to eliminate me using his newly acquired powers because I am a potential threat, but in the end he seeks the same goal I have sought for some time now...the destruction of NationStates. Or so he said.

It is possible that Uraslave is merely using me as a means to his own selfish ends, but I have prepared for that. A well-placed EMP device will accomplish my ends regardless of Uraslave's actions. Clever, no? I impress even myself with my bastardly plans at times.

I remain yours (at least until the EMP goes off),

Texan Godmodders, the Bastard NationStates Player...From Hell!!!

Very nice Texan Hotrodders. I enjoyed that one especially. :p

Very nice Texan Hotrodders. I enjoyed that one especially. :p

*bows* I've placed a similar comment in the Bastard Mod thread a minute ago. You might want to take a look. ;)

Oooh, I like this. Now, would I be able to post along here too with something along the lines of a hysterical paradoy or something? I'm just asking, seeing as I have no idea.

Oooh, I like this. Now, would I be able to post along here too with something along the lines of a hysterical paradoy or something? I'm just asking, seeing as I have no idea.

Feel free to do your own hysterical parody. Yours will be Volume 12.

The Bastard NationStates Player From Hell

Volume 12

With the morning light shining down on my face from the small window that made up the ancient room, I wake slowly to a new day. I look around and view the walls of stone, lit only by the sunlight coming in, and reach for my robes. Another day, another watch. For so long have I wondered these halls, and I would do it again today. It was lonely work, yes, but I would remain faithful to the cause. It was, afterall, my duty. Even to the extent that I could possibly be the last to worship such a Great Moddess.

Walking from the small room I walked down the narrow hall and entered another, faithfully sitting in the seat and turning on the silent generator. After a moment or two, I turned the computer on, and seeing the start-up over, I immedietly went into the NationStates Forums.

It was with interest that I sought something, anything, a sign maybe, a return. For times long passed I had waited to see just another sign, just another glimpse, of that Moddess. But I had failed in every try, even in openly praising her. Today would be no different, scour the forums and post. Given the opprotunity, praise that which I know.

After an hour or so of randomly posting, I came to the conclusion that I was bored. This was indeed not worth my time. I sat up and left the generator and computer on, and exited the room from which I sat. Walking down the narrow, stone-walled hallway, I came into a large chamber, and observed the statue to a forsaken Moddess that stood before large steps. Its eyes showed no recognition to its faithful, and I knew she hadn't come back.

Soon I became bored. I walked across the large room to enter a smaller one, and took my robes off and cleaned myself. Afterwards, I entered another, and dressed properly for the task ahead. It had been for so long that nothing had happened, and I had no desire to continue my devotion if nothing was to acknowledge it. I slowly exited the hallowed room with its statue through two huge stone doors. Walking a good distance afterward, I turned back to view the structure. It was ancient, forsaken, so glorius in its time. But the Green glow had stopped, no beam of light from its top. I would be the last to have taken care of it, and the last to leave. Such a sad thought, but if the Moddess was dead, what more respect could I have?

With a heavy sigh I ventured long. On my way, I had come into contact with many a n00b, before I would have easily taken them to the temple as sacrifices. Now, I left them alone, I had no interest in donning the dark armor, and slicing them. I had no interest in seeing their blood splurt and stream from their broken bodies......I had no interest....

Gazing up, I became angry. I was halfway on my journey and already taken with a rage. Why hadn't my Moddess come back?! I had sacrifice and kept the faith Diligently, and never forsaken her name. Well, perhaps a few times, but I kept her laws. That was the main thing, yet she never was there.

It angered me more seeing a n00b come out of the brush, and splurt nonsense about some movie I never watched. I instantly grabbed him by the throat, and proceded to rip his head off. I watched satfyingly as blood poured from his neck, and his head. It was so......new. Freshmeat, that would have made an excellent sacrifice. But, Alas, I surely was away from that.

I had only a short thought, only a feeling, as I turned towards the horizon, looking back. A green light, it couldn't be!? Is it possible, could she be back?! Throwing the head and body down, I proceeded to run towards the temple once more. It glowed brightly, an amazing sight to say the least. I truly thought I was dreaming, in reality I thought it was impossible, that she was gone.

After a long trek back, I ran to the temple doors, and they opened without my touch. I walked in to see the statue glowing brightly. She had returned! The Goddess of the Blades, Reploid, had returned! I cried in thankfulness, praising the Temple of Reploid, and the Moddess whom it stood for. I said her name so many times, too many I soon realized. I placed my hands over my mouth, and I quickly begged for forgivness. Her name was not to be spoken, nor misused. Afterall, her thirst could easily grow to her followers.

Suddenly, I looked back to observe the large stone doors being crumbled. The return of a Moddess only ment one thing: A wave of n00bs. It was the law, it was how things were done. I knew what to do, she had to be thirsty after her long slumber. I had to at least appease her, for fear that her anger would be cast down on me.

I quickly ran to a wall, and pressed hard. It moved, and twisted so that its hidden side was exposed. Dark Armor and a Dark Sword shinned in the light of the green glow cast by the statue and altar high above the stairs. I quickly placed them on me, I had a mission to do. The Unholy Blood of the n00bs must be shed to appease the Mighty Moddess.

I quickly ran with a loud cry of battle towards the marching legions of n00bs, they had violated the Temple for the last time. Withs trength unheard I sliced and diced, blood pouring in streams on the walls and floor, sizzling as it touched the green glow of the statue. With comments of rants and and outrage coming from the n00bs, I had no choice but to fall back to the steps. More and more came, and I killed many. But it was not enough, I was still retatreating up the steps.

Finally, my back touched the Mighty Altar to Reploid, where sacrifices run pure and clean. I gazed back, stunned at how well these n00bs were doing, but I continued the fight.....

Only to no avail.

I was soon overwhelmed with the massive amounts of spam, rants, and words of intellectual superiority, most of which I couldn't even possibly understand. I had tried to fight back, I had tried to shed all their blood. But there was no success, for they tore me apart, and it was my blood that was shed on that day, with screams of pain and suffering as I slowly died.

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I sighed, I couldn't win the General topic. They just were too overpowering in their l33t talk, and their intelligence on the matter. It was no use, I had to submit, else I would go on rant.

With a sigh I exited the thread, realizing that I had only posted once.....

I quickly looked to my side to the darkness, to see glowing green eyes glaring at me. I had posted spam, severe spam. Useless spam. But I had read the topic! I felt the rage!

These thoughts were to no success, I stood from my sliding chair to attempt to run, but was quickly overwhelmed as a dark shadow came over me with a weapon of unimaginable power.....

Punished, by that which I worshipped. Fair and true.

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Days later I woke once more from an unimaginable dream, I had been slaughtered for spamming. Oh the agony, banned for a day. It hurt so much, but I had to continue. I had to go on. I soon dressed and headed out the door and onto the street.

Soon after much thought, I bumped into a passer-by, who abruptly uttered the phrase, "Praise MELKOR!"

Anger grew inside me, and a sword came into my grasp. I knew not how it came, only that this was a situation for its use. I instantly cought up with the Melkor worshipper, poking him on the shoulder.

"What did you say," I asked in a low, harsh voice.

"Praise Melkor, Fellow Generalite!"

He seemed so happy, but that wouldn't last. I swung my sword as my eyes grew with flame. No one would dare speak such blaspamy before me!

With his last glimpse, his eyes wide in shock, I roared with all my might: "Praise Reploid!"

Then, suddenly, I saw a flash of light. He had his sword raised to mine. His eyes lit with flame that seemed never-ending. I shivered at my knees, somehow I was not strong enough. How was this possible, who was this person?! How could my words become not true?!

Then, I suddenly realized the horrible truth, the horrible fact....I was attacking Melkor himself...



Anagonia. The Bastard NationStates Player...From Hell!!!

I swear that was long. I know, I know, kinda off topic and not giving a proper climax. Oh well, I tried. Anywho, this basically comes from my desire to jump into things and want to randomly say "Praise Reploid". Its the hypothetical conclusion I would have should I say it to the wrong person...

THIS IS OFFICIALLY THE LARGEST POST I HAVE DONE(since I can remember)

... For times long passed I had waited to see just another sign, just another glimpse, of that Moddess ...

Oh ye of faltering faith! Hie thee unto this Sacred Grove (http://repprodthemod.blogspot.com/), take of its fruit, and eat.

For, though the She of my worship is not the She of yours, are not all such Shes but the many faces of the Ultimate?

GMC toy weaponry manufacturer

LMFAO !

I swear that was long. I know, I know, kinda off topic and not giving a proper climax. Oh well, I tried. Anywho, this basically comes from my desire to jump into things and want to randomly say "Praise Reploid". Its the hypothetical conclusion I would have should I say it to the wrong person...

THIS IS OFFICIALLY THE LARGEST POST I HAVE DONE(since I can remember)

Very nice. Subtle and compelling. It brought a new flavor to the BNSPFH.:)

(I) post a very revealing message giving the impression that the Mods are powerhungry dickheads

That shouldn't take much tomfoolery....

That shouldn't take much tomfoolery....

Funnel that bitterness about a past Mod decision into quality satire! You know you want to.:D

Ah, good, I was beginning to think I would be spammed completely for my lack of actually doing something right. Lol. Anywho....

Thanks Texas, I did my best, over a two hour period or more I think...

As for Ardchoille: Woohoo! I got her homepage! I'm still afraid she'll kill me though when she finds out me sputtering out praises XD.

Anyway, enough hijacking......... *looks at other posts and and randomly laughs*