NationStates Jolt Archive

Today the Fiefdom of Non-Exploding Cupcake finalized its declaration of independence from the Nation-Type-Thingy of Carbonated Maple Syrup, of which it had been a marginalized province for years. Holy High Magistrate and Lord Academe Geoamexandas Roth, de-facto leader of the new Fiefdom, stated on public television that this was the start of a glorious new age for the people of Non-Exploding Cupcake, and invited foreign nations to send envoys to greet the new government. How many such nations were watching the broadcast is uncertain as the official Non-Exploding Cupcake television station does not actually have a broadcasting dish, due to budget cuts. Instead, news is disseminated by people standing on the roof yelling very loudly. As a result cable coverage over wide areas of the country is limited.

Upon hearing of Lord Roth's declaration, the president of Carbonated Maple Syrup reportedly expressed surprise that he'd ever ruled a province called Non-Exploding cupcake, let alone that it had had a separatist movement of any type. This is symptomatic of the great oppression and marginalization Non-Exploding Cupcakeians faced under foreign rule.

Official Diplomatic Message
Republic of the Battlehawk

The Republic recognises the Fiefdom of Non-Exploding Cupcake as a soverign state, as it is apparent that the Citizins faced prejudice from under foreign rule. The Republic would like to assist you in any way possible.

Signed
Theresa Green
Secutary Of State
Republic of the Battlehawk

Lord Geoamexandas Roth thanks the Republic of the Battlehawk for its recognition and its offer of assistance. While he doesn't think we require any particular assistance right now, he notes that he could do with a sandwich. Of course, if the Battlehawk is unable to provide Non-Exploding Cupcake with a sandwich he can always make it himself, so it's no big deal.

Several minutes later Lord Roth sent another message stating that he'd thought of a way the Republic could assist his new fiefdom. The roads were falling apart, making traveling by car extremely difficult, as the Lord observed every time his chaffeur drove him out to a state affair. Therefore, if the Republic could pick up all of Non-Exploding Cupcake's cars somehow for its own use and replace them, if possible, with horse-drawn carriages, he'd be quite grateful, thanks. It would solve a lot of problems.

Official Diplomatic Message
Republic of the Battlehawk

Or perhaps we could help you Resurface said roads?

Signed
Theresa Green
Secutary Of State
Republic of the Battlehawk

No, why bother? They'll just get broken again, and we don't have the money to take care of the problem right now. Besides, we've been running short of metal to build and repair cars for some reason, which my advisors suggest may be due to us being forced to close some of the iron mines due to unemployment, although I can't imagine how an economic problem like that could cause resource shortages. Anyway, it's not like we were using those horses for anything.

Lord Roth

Non-Exploding Cupcake has announced its intentions to modernize its ground army.

Doing this will be difficult as the Fiefdom currently lacks a ground army of any kind. However, Lord Geoamexandas Roth has put a bill through Parliament that will round up all young people of suitable age, conscript them, and intentionally purchase for them outdated weapons (such as slingshots, sharp sticks, plastic swords, and BB guns) and armor (such as heavy coats with the pockets filled with wooden boards, which have the added benefit of being very uncomfortable) and then modernizing from there. The modernization would be outsourced to foreign nations, who in return would get both some money and shares in the military, which, if they purchase enough weapons and equipment, will allow them to sit on its board of directors and make decisions. The bill is expected to be signed within the next few days.

We hereby congratulate the independence of the people of Non-Exploding Cupcake. As another nation recently arrived onto the world scene, we would like to offer an oppurtunity to exchange embassies between our nations. I believe, Enshallah, with diplomatic relations, we can continue to succeed in the future.


Imam Abdul Al-Bari, Head of Foreign Affairs of the Islamic Emirate of Nurzeyestan