NationStates Jolt Archive


For the Emperor! No, not that one! [FT]

Vojvodina-Nihon
12-03-2009, 22:58
In the vastness of space, traversed by many ships, there is a place:

A ship floats in that place, or hangs, or does whatever ships do in space. The first thing one notices about it is that it appears to be made of wood. That is correct; wood; there is very little metal in its composite, apart from some cast-iron fittings and what appear to be arquebuses aligned along the top, facing forward. The hyperdrive attached to it is made out of metal, but covered with tiles replicating the texture and appearance of wood, for some reason (to assure the Emperor that none of that "heathen alchemy" was being used in the construction of his interstellar vessel).

As one gets closer one can observe more about it. For instance, portions of its surfaces are decorated with painted leather, or with tapestry depicting ancient battles. Its weapons appear to consist mainly of large catapults and the aforementioned arquebuses, although there was a small metal box on one side, attached roughly where the periscope would be on a submarine. It looks like two seafaring ships slammed together, deck to deck, then sanded down until they are nearly unrecognizeable. On its hull, painted in glittery gold and visible from miles away (a pity that engagement ranges are usually in the millions of miles), is the name Deathblood Of Evildark.

The communication it sends is written in florid handwriting; and yes, it is transmitted as an image, because the wizards running the ship haven't yet gotten the hang of these new-fangled computers.

Hark! The Great and Most Glorious Emperor, He Who Commands The Sun To Rise, Destroyer of Worlds, Ruler of the Multiverse, Lord over All Creatures, His Excellent Royal Majestic Imperial Highness the Holy Field Marshal Lord Sir Tarien Darkblade, Bringer of Doom, Herald of Armageddon, God's Mouth in the Mortal Plane, Graham's Number Given Physical Form, and Sovereign Master of All He Surveys speaks!

Let it be known, that the End Times have begun. God has judged you and found you unworthy, and for your sins, you shall answer to the Emperor, His Name Survive for a Trillion Years, Who shall bring all manner of destruction unto your galaxy and all other galaxies, destruction so great that when it is finished nothing shall remain but the Emperor and those who support Him!

To all ye who choose to plead your case before the Most Merciful and Gracious Emperor, Who shall live forever, send an emissary to His most mighty and indestructible warship, Deathblood of Evildark, whence this missive has been sent. To all those who choose not to make themselves known to the Emperor and throw themselves upon his mercy to beg for their continued survival, utter destruction shall come! The Imperial Legions shall lay waste to your worlds, the warships shall rain destruction upon them; and the Empire shall not stop until its enemies are nothing but the faintest memory of names. Therefore, we urge you to accept this momentary leniency, and take a humble, supplicant position, before your worlds and suns are reduced to expanding clouds of monatomic dust.

The Glorious Emperor, Supreme Ruler of the Multiverse, Grand High Field Marshal of the Legions, Ruler of All Things Visible and Invisible, His Majesterial Holiness Lord Pope Governor Tarien Darkblade, Sovereign of the Mortal Plane, Anthropomorphic Personification of Greatness has spoken! All hail the Emperor, Bringer of Endless War, He Who Destroys Universes With A Mere Thought, Supreme Master of the Omnigalactosphere!

Loyal Minion #710
Scribe to His Imperial Glorious Royal Holy Excellent Serene Majesty, by the Grace of His Own Damn Self, the Supreme Emperor Lord Sir Pope Tarien Darkblade, He Who Brings The Nation To Greatness, He Who Slays Chickens, et cetera, et cetera

OOC: This will probably wind up being mostly diplomatic, on account of that being more interesting than military.