Automagfreek
07-03-2009, 21:23
Remote test station, Fort Brigg
A high ranking panel of military officials and scientists greeted Defense Chairman Marv Bonesplitter as he arrived to review yet another potential new breakthrough. He wondered why it was he who had to witness demonstration after demonstration of wild and often completely useless technologies, and he was fully prepared for yet another disappointment. Mr. Chairman, it's an honor to receive you. The four star general extended his hand warmly, and Bonesplitter half heartedly return the gesture, and a Thank you. was all he uttered.
Sir, we believe we're on to something really big here. To which Bonesplitter let out a bellowing laugh, and he blinked hard as he ran his mighty hand down his face. Yeah, that's what you people said when you tried to sell me on that new tank armor, regenerating bullets, human bombs... The general interrupted with a cough, exclaiming that they were getting closer on the human bomb angle. Whatever, let me see what you have for me today. The first stop on the tour was a giant vat that contained a thick, bubbling and potent smelling fluid.
Sir, we believe we have discovered a solution to a common military problem; fuel supply. Sometimes getting gasoline to remote areas is difficult, and when there is no local supply to pillage your vehicles cannot operate effectively. One thing that does seem to be plentiful on any battlefield are...well, the dead. We have developed a new method for rendering down human fat and flesh into an oil, which can then be processed into an additive for gasoline.
Bonesplitter raised an eyebrow as he glanced around the giant machine attached to the vat. Granted we still haven't figured out how to run a vehicle solely on human flesh, but this additive can increase your supply several times over and is fairly cheap to produce when compared to what it costs to mine oil from the earth. We estimate that you can effectively water down 55 gallons of gasoline with our new compound and expand your supply to just shy of 150 gallons. If you dilute your gas down any further then combustion begins to become a real problem, but we're still working out all the possibilities.
The tour then continued on down the line as the machine actively began converting the human fluids into fuels. Bonesplitter was impresed but not totally sold on the idea. I have a few questions about this whole process. Now, while I understand that nowadays you can run a vehicle on pretty much anything, I'm curious as to what the long terms effects are of using human fuel. What does it do to an engine after years of use? What kind of emissions can we expect? What do you do if your human supply runs out?
A pasty white scientist stepped forward and adjusted his glasses, and after clearing his throat he addressed the Defense Chairman's concerns. Well sir, we've run some tests as far as fuel efficiency and engine wear goes. We've found that overall efficiency drops slightly, so for the sake of argument if you have a vehicle that gets 20 miles to the gallon, you're looking at getting about 14 to 15 with our new additive. As far as engine wear is concerned, we've found that with regular maintenance there is no real issue, but if you're not careful you do get a rather disgusting buildup. Emissions...well...we haven't looked into that yet.
Marv took a second to think things over, and then repeated the last question he asked. And if your human supply runs out? There was a silence over the panel for a moment before the ranking general spoke up. Quite simply sir, you have to keep a steady supply of bodies in order to make this work. You either have to keep killing a lot of people, use your own dead, or ransack cemeteries for fresh.. Bonesplitter interrupted with a wave of his hand. Ok, I get the picture. This whole contraption is rather large, is there a way to compress this down to something more...manageable? To which the answer was yes. Alright, I'm going to approve funding for this program on a temporary basis. There is going to be strict oversight and constant evaluations, and if this new 'fuel' of yours is more trouble than it's worth, I yank the plug. I also want you to take this to the private sector and see what they come up with.
Later that day, a press release was issued that gave a general overview of the new program, and that Automagfreek would be putting the new technology to work in its first large scale test later in the month. A second, more secretive memo was sent out to slave trading nations concerning the purchase and shipment of several thousand people, which would be used to help create a supply of the new flesh fuel. Meanwhile, construction on the first mobile plant began deep in the heart of Gothic controlled territory in Mediterranica. Military officials would keep a close eye on its progress as well as battlefield results, for if it was not a practical program it would simply be terminated.
A high ranking panel of military officials and scientists greeted Defense Chairman Marv Bonesplitter as he arrived to review yet another potential new breakthrough. He wondered why it was he who had to witness demonstration after demonstration of wild and often completely useless technologies, and he was fully prepared for yet another disappointment. Mr. Chairman, it's an honor to receive you. The four star general extended his hand warmly, and Bonesplitter half heartedly return the gesture, and a Thank you. was all he uttered.
Sir, we believe we're on to something really big here. To which Bonesplitter let out a bellowing laugh, and he blinked hard as he ran his mighty hand down his face. Yeah, that's what you people said when you tried to sell me on that new tank armor, regenerating bullets, human bombs... The general interrupted with a cough, exclaiming that they were getting closer on the human bomb angle. Whatever, let me see what you have for me today. The first stop on the tour was a giant vat that contained a thick, bubbling and potent smelling fluid.
Sir, we believe we have discovered a solution to a common military problem; fuel supply. Sometimes getting gasoline to remote areas is difficult, and when there is no local supply to pillage your vehicles cannot operate effectively. One thing that does seem to be plentiful on any battlefield are...well, the dead. We have developed a new method for rendering down human fat and flesh into an oil, which can then be processed into an additive for gasoline.
Bonesplitter raised an eyebrow as he glanced around the giant machine attached to the vat. Granted we still haven't figured out how to run a vehicle solely on human flesh, but this additive can increase your supply several times over and is fairly cheap to produce when compared to what it costs to mine oil from the earth. We estimate that you can effectively water down 55 gallons of gasoline with our new compound and expand your supply to just shy of 150 gallons. If you dilute your gas down any further then combustion begins to become a real problem, but we're still working out all the possibilities.
The tour then continued on down the line as the machine actively began converting the human fluids into fuels. Bonesplitter was impresed but not totally sold on the idea. I have a few questions about this whole process. Now, while I understand that nowadays you can run a vehicle on pretty much anything, I'm curious as to what the long terms effects are of using human fuel. What does it do to an engine after years of use? What kind of emissions can we expect? What do you do if your human supply runs out?
A pasty white scientist stepped forward and adjusted his glasses, and after clearing his throat he addressed the Defense Chairman's concerns. Well sir, we've run some tests as far as fuel efficiency and engine wear goes. We've found that overall efficiency drops slightly, so for the sake of argument if you have a vehicle that gets 20 miles to the gallon, you're looking at getting about 14 to 15 with our new additive. As far as engine wear is concerned, we've found that with regular maintenance there is no real issue, but if you're not careful you do get a rather disgusting buildup. Emissions...well...we haven't looked into that yet.
Marv took a second to think things over, and then repeated the last question he asked. And if your human supply runs out? There was a silence over the panel for a moment before the ranking general spoke up. Quite simply sir, you have to keep a steady supply of bodies in order to make this work. You either have to keep killing a lot of people, use your own dead, or ransack cemeteries for fresh.. Bonesplitter interrupted with a wave of his hand. Ok, I get the picture. This whole contraption is rather large, is there a way to compress this down to something more...manageable? To which the answer was yes. Alright, I'm going to approve funding for this program on a temporary basis. There is going to be strict oversight and constant evaluations, and if this new 'fuel' of yours is more trouble than it's worth, I yank the plug. I also want you to take this to the private sector and see what they come up with.
Later that day, a press release was issued that gave a general overview of the new program, and that Automagfreek would be putting the new technology to work in its first large scale test later in the month. A second, more secretive memo was sent out to slave trading nations concerning the purchase and shipment of several thousand people, which would be used to help create a supply of the new flesh fuel. Meanwhile, construction on the first mobile plant began deep in the heart of Gothic controlled territory in Mediterranica. Military officials would keep a close eye on its progress as well as battlefield results, for if it was not a practical program it would simply be terminated.