NationStates Jolt Archive

Your Time Has Come (attn: Allanea, mostly closed)

05-02-2009, 01:00

The following is an open statement to all who will listen in the Allanean Empire:

For decades, you have advanced your imperialist interests throughout the world, crushing the working class underfoot like expendable insects. This changes to-day!

It is we, the Proletariat Unity League, that accept responsibility for the ongoing murders of your bourgeoisie military leadership - their crimes against the world's workers have been justly punished. Your civil heads are next - with the head of foul serpent of your state severed, your proletariat, the true owners of the means of production, shall unshackle themselves - the Socialist Republic of Allanea is an inevitability.

We are not alone in our cause! As you have downtrodden the proletariat, so too have you crushed those whose values were contrary to your reactionary interests. Among the most grievous of these slights are the Islamic world, who merely desire a slightly different brand of Marxism to fully integrate the natural resources they possess. You also flatten them underfoot, callously, to fuel your global hegemony!

The first stage of the revolution has already begun, your capitalist allies have turned on you, and your might is but a shell of what it was a few short years ago. Capitalism is doomed to failure, and it is nothing but the absolute justice that you should feel it first when the walls built by your enslaved proletariat come tumbling down around you.

By now, your sniveling Brettonian allies must have informed you that they too are now feeling the hammer of revolution striking down upon them. The men they sent to recover their liberated assets have been perfectly defeated - reactionary cliques cannot stand up to the inexorable force of revolution.

To wit, we present you with the following demand: our ally, Ibn al-Fadl, is illegally and unjustly imprisoned in a secret torture facility, along with many of his countrymen and other revolutionary figures. If you release him now, our "acceleration" of the revolution will end. If our demands are not met, these most recent assassinations of your imperialist officers will seem trite in comparison.

You have very little time to decide. Do so quickly.
05-02-2009, 01:16
Official Response from the Department of Defense Subdepartment of Surplus Military Sales:

Dear Comrades!

For decades, our mighty armies have defeated the Communist hordes time and time again. Our forces have defeated countless civilizations. Indeed, entire enemy armies desert in fear when they spot our forces cross the border – as happened in Azaha. Enemy navies beach their aircraft carriers and run away in fear upon sight of the approaching Allanean forces – as the Griffincrest navy had done multiple times. There is record of an entire nation committing mass ritual suicide in the hope this would spare them our wrath.

Yet now you attempt to intimidate us into submission? Who the hell do you think we are? Prestonians or something? The answer to your request is ”No, we will not turn over this Ibn Al-Fail” or whatever his name is. We do, however, have an alternative for you.

As you know from the writings of comrade Nikolai Lenin/Vladimir Ulyanov, the proper supplier of rope to the proletariat is the world bourgeoisie. As such, we will provide to you any amount of surplus military rope – at the low, low price of $5 per yard – with which all of you can hang yourself and avoid the suffering and consternation that being bayoneted by our infantry will surely cause you.

Should you find a supplier of rope at a cheaper price, Allanea's SubDepartment of Surplus Sales will be happy to match it for you.

Thank you for shopping with us,
and May God Continue to Bless Allanea.