NationStates Jolt Archive

Hello, fellow businessmen. My nation is experiencing a shortage of one of our most precious consumable products: milk. This shortage is due in part to a peak in the predation of cows and goats by coyotes. To date, there are only 3 heifers, 1 bull, 5 does (female goats), and 2 billy goats left; there were ~2,000 successful coyote attacks last night.
Only one day's supply of milk is left, and it is rapidly depleting. This letter hereby calls upon all available producers of both canned/bottled milk and goats/cows to begin a lowest bid auction. I am requesting 100 gallons of cow milk, 2,000 gallons of goat milk, 150 heifers, 50 bulls, 2,000 does, and 1,000 billies. The highest price my company will pay for these products is as follows:

Cow milk: 20 Patriots per gallon
Goat milk: ¶15 per gallon
Heifers: ¶10,000 each
Bulls: ¶5,000 each
Does: ¶1,000 each
Billies: ¶750 each

These are the maximum prices; I hope to buy for less. Also willing to barter up to 100,000 5.56 NATO assault rifles, model HK33KA3, + 120 rounds of ammunition each.

I may even buy my livestock from several different sources to keep the genetic integrity of my cattle high.

Sincerely,
Wuce Brillis, Manager of Funds and Trade
Special Interests International Inc.
Little Creek, Perchhaven, Crappieland 15k0h-30i5

P.S. The coyote is worshiped by the national animal, the Doberman Pincher; most people consider killing a coyote constitutes sacrilege. Hence, the problem of livestock predation cannot be solved when farming on pastureland, which is the prevalent method.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/0c/Sanlu.jpg

We will sell you all the milk you need! We have a large stock of milk that no on else wants, we don't understand why.

To: Wuce Brillis, Manager of Funds and Trade. SII Inc.
From: Salzland Consolidated Cattle

Dear Sir,

Having heard of your trouble involving small local predators posing a significant threat to your livestock heards, Salzland Consolidated Cattle is willing to donate three thousand miles of razor wire fencing to your cattle ranches. We would provide you with a cash donation to pay someone to shoot the bloody animals, but you have made it clear that extermination of the coyote problem is not an acceptable outcome. We hope that deterrence will prove to be effective instead.

Signed,

R. Hoss McGivins
Salzland Consolidated Cattle

To: Wuce Prillis
From: 101st Milking Farms

Dear Mr. Prillis, we have heard of your meager supply of milk and would like to aid your aching needs. Our farms would like to send 300 heads of cattle and 100 milking cows to your farms. We would also like to send 100 soldiers to help you guard your cattle from thieves since beef and milk are such a delicacy in your nation.

To: 101st Milking Farms
From: Wuce Brillis

Thank you for your generosity. You do not, however, quite understand the entire problem.
There are no cattle thieves in Crappieland because most people would rather keep tilapia in aquariums (raising tilapia is considered fine art). The 100 soldiers would therefor be unnecessary, as well as prohibited; corporations are not allowed to import workers from other nations under any circumstance. Nor are they allowed to send work to any nations overseas. My company would be very grateful for the 100 milking cows. We are, however, running out of time. I would need to import them before 1700 hours, Eastern time, in order to quench my nation's thirst for milk.
Although 100 cows would not be enough to completely satisfy the people of Crappieland, it would be enough to bribe the citizens of Little Creek, Perchhaven to protect our head quarters from riots. Our Chief Executive Minister will have to issue a decree invoking the Power of Canines, urging people to go home and tend to their Doberman Pinschers under the pretense that a rare pandemic of DobeDisease is spreading.
Please send all cattle to our international shipping port at 39145k3 Fishing Dog Bay, Sunfish State, Crappieland. Current 24 hour pass code for entering bay to trade (the Crappie-Coast Guardians will radio you): Do2erm1n
Note: this pass code will expire at 2150 hours.
We will pay you ¶3,000,000 for all 400 cattle. As a parting gift, we will offer to equip each member of your crew with an assault rifle and ammunition to fend off any rogue pirates (there have been three cases of uncaught pirates in the past year).

Regards,
Wuce Brillis, Manager of Funds and Trade
Special Interests International Inc.
Little Creek, Perchhaven, Crappieland 15k0h-30i5

ooc: lets just say I said yes because i dont have time to write a letter.

SII Inc. was able to acquire modified goat embryos, and was able to grow them to maturity in 12 hours. These will last for the next few years, so the shortage problem has been solved. My company's thanks go out to all those who helped abate this crises.

Sincerely,
Wuce Brillis, Manager of Funds and Trade
Special Interests International Inc.
Little Creek, Perchhaven, Crappieland 15k0h-30i5